#Thanks to everyone who recommended me some more horror adjacent stories

[ratgirlexe]

To wrap up my thoughts on HDG as horror, now that I’m no longer in severe pain and writing my thoughts at 3 am:

I think the best summary of it all is that it’s hard for me to go into any given story and feel truly horrified, because I know on a meta textual level that everything is going to work out in the end, and the characters will likely be happier than when they started. I don’t know how to suspend my disbelief in the idea that ultimately things will work out, so even if the main character goes through any number of acts which are horrifying in *theory*. I almost empathize more with the affini putting them through that experience, more so than the character who’s point of view I’m seeing things from.

Are you a rebel feralist being put through awake surgery for your haustoric implant? It might be the scariest experience of your life, but that just means you get to be a floret now! You’ll have someone to care for and love you forever, and you’ll never have to be alone. Give it a week and you’ll be thanking them for doing so.

How about if you’re a terminally ill patient at end-of-life, or in excruciating pain that even the affini can't somehow solve? That's okay! We'll get you on a nice tasty regimen of class-O's, and you'll never hurt or be afraid again. There will be nothing but unending bliss, and you won't even realize that you're hurting. Not all suffering can be prevented, and eventually it all has to end, but heaven is real, and we've placed it inside you. Even in that last situation, which is the most personally scary to me, there's a certain level of bitter sweetness to it all. Maybe it's just the pain I've been in, but there aren't quite as many ways to end someones life that are as kind as bliss never-ending.

Ultimately I think it's just the fact that I know the affini are benevolent within the story, which makes even the most harrowing or scary events take on a more lighthearted tone for me. Yes, getting to where you want to be, where you *need* to be can be really scary. I'm autistic. Change is terrifying, change is death, and some changes can feel too monumental to ever surmount on your own. But to me HDG is a true escapist fantasy that says "Even if this change is scary, even if you can't choose to change for the better, even if the process hurts or makes you feel like you're dying, I'll be here with you to hold your hand and guide you through it. You don't have to go through it alone, and by the end you'll be able to blossom into who I know you can be."

And to me that's just not scary or horrifying. That's something that I yearn for each and every day.

[tragedycoded]

this is a shout-out post

Specifically @ those folks who--at some point in the last three months--have left thoughtful, encouraging, or completely unhinged comments on Doom Metal Love Story, only to be met with crickets from the ADHD introvert who wrote the damned thing. I do read every single comment, I just apparently need a secretary.

This also serves as an "I highly recommend these blogs/writers" post. If you're following me and not following these folks, you're doing yourself a disservice. Most of them are writing queer horror or horror-adjacent fiction that affects my brain chemistry.

I'm more sick than I was when I was answering inappropriate questions the other day, so I apologize for the... uh... shit, what's the word. This post sucks. I'm sorry. You all deserve a big hug and thousands of hits on your own fics.

@aintgonnatakethis does military sci-fi with queer relationships like a g. Would highly recommend checking out his fics.

@astramachina my beloved. His FNAF fics are engrossing (I'm hooked on Driving Through Tunnels (With No Light at the End)) and I'm excited to see more analog horror from him.

What is there to say about @cowboybrunch that everyone following me doesn't already know? Thank you for your love here and your comments over on AO3. You were Hofer's first fan, and in my heart you're his #1. I know I keep saying this but if you aren't reading Dust to Dust, fix that. Judas Wept is also ace (not ace as in asexual. The throuple definitely bang. #GemmaDidNothingWrong)

Is @davycoquette still around or is she one of those cool bloggers who shows up with mind-blowing posts for six months and then disappears?

@gioiaalbanoart my love. There is no way I could respond to all of your comments. I do intend to print them out and wallpaper my office with them, which imo is better than responding. I can't wait to read TSA.

@jev-urisk your deep reads of the main characters, your fanart, and your moodboards have made me feel things I didn't think it was possible to feel. The intro post for 7 Circles slays, and I can't wait for it to be out in the world.

@noblebs gets a threat: if you don't finish EWT I'm going to beat your ass with something soft. Your comments always spark joy, and your characters are a delight.

@sableglass has given me feedback that's going to make draft 6/the IF novel better. Thank you, buddy. She's also got this laser-guided way of writing that goes straight for the gut. I'm really glad I met you, man.

@sh0ckrot your love and support of this damned novel was so uplifting. Thank you for cheering when I was first getting it off the ground. (Also, hi, this is my new blog, sorry I vanished.)

@solivagantingrebel I know I've been quiet on Bleeding Oath but it's SO GOOD. Vampire!Ghost and Werewolf!Soap have my heart, and I am rooting for them. And also looking forward to the day I have my beta read backlog cleared so I can go back through and give this one the line-highlighter treatment.

Everybody already knows @the-golden-comet but he helped me so much emotionally when I was publishing the back third of this damned thing. If you don't know how much I appreciate you, Goldie... 🧼🧼🧼

@wyked-ao3 IDK where you came from, but you are an absolute gem. Thank you for helping me learn to love my tritagonist (Royston) whom I almost killed in the fourth draft, and for sharing your Pinterest finds with me.

I can't shout out readers without highlighting @words-after-midnight who beta read the thing and is the only reason the Bad Ending chapter makes any damned sense. I'm excited for Life in Black and White to finally make it out into the world. Nico inspires me every day.

OK no more dayquilposting. Carry on.

[ultimatebethylficlist]

Veteran Author of The Month: September 2021

The featured veteran author for September is a well-known and beloved name in the fandom, @rckyfrk !

Rckyfrk can be found on AO3 and FFN under the same penname.

When asked what got her into Bethyl and what the fandom means to her, she said:

I did not start watching TWD until late into Season 3. I don’t do well with horror. My husband would watch and I would just read a book in our bedroom or something. Well, one fateful night, I needed to get some work done on my laptop and didn’t feel like sitting in bed to get it finished, so I just stayed in the living room (our house was teeny tiny - there weren’t a lot of other places to go), and I turned so I wasn’t looking at the TV, plugged in my headphones, and got to work. Well, I glanced over and there was the wonder that is Daryl Dixon gracing my screen. I was instantly intrigued. (I believe my exact words were, “Who is that? What is he...DON’T DO THAT THERE’S ZOMBIES THERE!” and I was instantly hooked. Dammit. I found that as long as I could watch some of the behind the scenes stuff on how they make the walkers, it took some of the horror out of it and I could just focus on the artistry of all the makeup and stuff. Season 4 premiere, we had some friends come over for a “watching party,” (remember those?) and I was actually up getting refills for everyone (being the good hostess that I am) so I completely missed the hug in Beth’s cell and when I came back into the room, NO ONE THOUGHT THAT WAS IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO TELL ME ABOUT. (I thought they were my friends…) So I really didn’t start *shipping* Bethyl until “Alone.” I mean, I saw how close they were getting during “Still,” but I guess I didn’t realize what I was really seeing, you know? (Keep in mind, I was still a relatively new fan and had missed most of Season 3 and THE HUG.) Anyway, I couldn’t stand waiting for the next week to find out what happened to Beth, and thus began the ONLY time I have EVER looked for spoilers. That’s how I happened upon this crazy thing called “fan fiction,” (I honestly had never known such a thing existed before that fateful search.) I got to know some of the Bethyl writers, and someone suggested joining tumblr and writing my own stories, and the rest is history. Bethyl is the only pairing I’ve actually, actively shipped, before or after. The only two characters I’ve invested time in. The only two I’ve cried over (just ask @jbird9...hubs has seen me go through all kinds of emotions over these two). My boys can identify Beth and Daryl (they’ve NEVER seen an episode, not even a commercial for TWD, but recognize them from pics I’ve shown them.) The Bethyl fandom has brought me to meet some wonderful people, who probably know me better than members of my actual family. This fandom has been such a bright spot in my life, and has been so supportive even when the well has been dry for years (at least as far as new content from the show). I love you guys.

For her personal fic rec list, she recommends:

(Ugh. I’m really hesitant to come up with personal lists because I’ve read SO MANY WONDERFUL STORIES and I don’t want to leave any of them out, but I also know my brain and I’m not always the best at recalling names and places when I need to. I do want to give some love to:)

@gneebee [AO3] Love’s Highway and One Cold Night live in my head rent free

@piper1016 (basically anything she’s written) [AO3]

@inkinmytea (Audriss) [AO3] especially By Any Other Name

These ladies have been super supportive of my writing, and I can’t thank them enough.

I also really miss Pussyfoot by SaraiVe

is this how you say hello (in the zombie apocalypse) by the queen conquers (dastardly_dame)

Also, @leftmywingshome [AO3]

and @majicmarker​ [AO3] who not only write amazing Bethyl stories, but have their own original work published, all of which I strongly recommend reading.

There’s about a gazillion other stories that I’d like to recommend, but we’d be here all day if I listed them all. PLEASE don’t feel left out or disheartened if I didn’t pull your name from the deep recesses of my brain. I swear I’m not doing it on purpose. There are so many gifted writers in this fandom - we are SO lucky! - and I truly do appreciate @ultimatebethylficlist​ for recognizing the veterans and newbies equally.

Rckyfrk’s Works & Personal Thoughts:

Lady in Red and Man in Black Summary: It's finally the big day, Maggie and Glenn's wedding day. Beth is maid of honor, Daryl is the best man. - This started as a one-shot/prompt for Bethyl Week on Tumblr, but has evolved into becoming a full-sized story. Thoughts: I miss these babies. I had to take a break to try and get Terms and Conditions going because they are so drastically different from it, but now it’s been so long I almost have to get T & C out of my system before I can get my head back in the syrupy sweetness. Lady in Red started as a prompt (technically two) WAY back in the day. We’re talking back in the summer of 2014. The first two chapters received such a supportive response that it took on a life of its own, but it was solely from Beth’s POV, and I had Daryl in my head basically screaming to be heard, so Man in Black made its way in. The goal is to get MiB caught up with LiR, then write them simultaneously (mainly so no one knows what will be coming next and the reader gets to decide which “side” to read first).

Terms and Conditions Summary: It was Beth's first time in Atlanta by herself when the world decided to end. When she lost her way home, she winds up meeting a crossbow-toting man with steel blue eyes and a smile that gives her chills. This is not your typical Bethyl story - imagine if Daryl were more like Merle. Thoughts: I think this is the darkest thing I’ve written (and really, it’s not even that dark). I had this idea in my head for Daryl to be a lot more like Merle and all these little scenarios kept popping into my head of Beth “taming the beast,” and having them slowly fall in love despite how they met and him being a total jerk - at least in the beginning. I think there’s only going to be a couple more chapters of this one, I just need to buckle down and write them. Maybe that’s why I’m dragging my feet to do it. 

And once upon a time, I was writing a non-Bethyl story called “Summer of Learning,” which is actually kind of misleading. Back to that summer of 2014, where I was going through some fandom drama and was about to give up writing and tumblr all together when this group of Norman fans (we called ourselves his Harem...I miss you @basswipe and @unicorns-and-myblacksoul) came along and included me into their shenanigans. Anyway, they gave me the prompt “Imagine Sean Patrick Flanery is your dad’s best friend and teaches you everything there is to know about sex.” In the story, the main character’s parents are Norman and Emily, so it’s...Bethyl adjacent?

[patheticphallacy]

Helllllo! I’m back!

For everyone who keeps up with my blog, I’ve only been gone for two weeks. In reality, I wrote every single post that’s come out in April mid-March, so I haven’t written a single post since Quarantine properly kicked in. Wow.

As is usual for me, I really just needed a break. I’ve spent 4 weeks playing Stardew Valley and listening to audiobooks, and I can’t even be mad about it. It’s really rejuvenated my creativity, and it’s given me some new ideas on how I want to do wrap ups for this blog.

What better way to come back than with a Weekend Reading post? As you might have guessed from my absence, I’ve barely made a dent in the OWLs TBR I made. So… I’m just gonna do the OWLS for two months. Rules mean nothing to me.

My laptop is also really buggy at the moment, so I won’t be able to spend as long writing blog posts. I’ll aim for my usual 1 or 2 reviews a week, but the amount of ‘long’ posts I can manage will probably be cut down until I have enough money to get a new laptop for writing!

1. Dig by A.S. King

Dig was actually recommended to me in a webinar I took part in, hosted by Reading Glasses and Professional Book Nerds.

I asked for books with nihilistic teens and dark humour; I was recommended Dig and Glory O’Brien. I’m only two or three chapters in, and the chapters are super short, so I know I’ll breeze through it.

  2. Imaginary Friend by Stephen Chbosky

This is my current audiobook listen, and boy is it a long one!

I’ve been listening to it on 2.5x speed so it won’t take me too long to get through what’s left. But that’s still over 300 pages, which is about 12 hours of listening, and just feels like way too much. I don’t think this book has anything unnecessary in it, honestly, I just wasn’t prepared for the sheer size of it.

  3. Kappa Quartet by Daryl Qilin Yam

This will probably be the first book I finish this weekend on Friday.

It’s ‘weird fiction’, and by weird, I mean it’s very weird. The way characters are connected, with recurring characters throughout, is honestly incredible. It feels almost seamless in how it’s done, and I’m so glad I took my friend’s recommendation to read this!

  4. Horror: A Literary History edited by Xavier Aldana Reyes

I’ve been steadily making my way through each essay in this collection for a few weeks. Each essay is literally just a breakdown of horror throughout history, focusing on American and British horror.

I’ll have to find other non-fiction for going outside of Western literature, and I feel like it’s a real shame that there weren’t added essays by experts on this fiction, since the stories and beliefs of other cultures– oral storytelling being a major part of their long ancestries– have been appropriated so frequently by Western horror authors. Even one or two essays focusing on this writing would have been a helluva lot better than the ‘0’ in this, and there’s a shocking lack of non-white authors even mentioned in what was presented.

They mention ‘horror adjacent’ work so often, even going on long explanations of how horror’s roots are more in the gothic and the feeling of horror, rather than cliches and tropes, for a long time, and yet they barely spend any time on Beloved by Toni Morrison, which is an incredibly important text within the ever-changing horror genre. I’m not sure it’s even mentioned in the chapter on horror between 1970-2000. It’s just highly disappointing!

5. Rules for Perfect Murders by Peter Swanson

You may know this as Eight Perfect Murders. The title change is exactly like The 7 1/2 Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle; i.e., completely fucking pointless.

Based on the premise– which reminded me a lot of one of my favourite crime shows, Castle– you think this is going to be a lot more exciting than it really is, considering someone is literally committing murder. It’s all tell, with absolutely no show. I don’t think the reader is ever left to find things out by themselves, without some massive infodump, and I’m just glad this is a quick read so I can cross it off my list in another 100 pages.

YES! I’m finally carrying on these series! I haven’t read One Piece since August of 2019, and Haikyuu!! since May of 2019, which is, frankly, disgusting, considering both are favourite series of mine. I ended up buying a Shonen Jump subscription, so I have access to 100 chapters of manga a day for only £2 a month. The price was lowered to combat the rise of piracy within the industry, and researching into it has just made me realise that this is the best way to consume my manga from now on.

Shonen Jump actually has a lot of the longer series I read, so I’ll be reading those on there. I’ll still be keeping up with My Hero Academia physically, but it saves a lot of money on over 150+ volumes of other series I would have otherwise had to buy. I can afford £2 a month, and I’ll put money into manga with the volumes I’ll no doubt buy of what I can’t find on Shonen Jump!

I hope everyone is doing okay during this quarantine!

Thank you for reading ❤

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Weekend Reading #4: I’m Back! Helllllo! I'm back! For everyone who keeps up with my blog, I've only been gone for two weeks.