#tell me your weirdest theory about me

[kiwiana-writes]

weird theory: you are, in fact, an actual kiwi bird

I’m kidding. My real weird theory is that you do possess some kind of HTV specific magic and that’s why your designs always look so dang good. You can’t tell me that copy of The Pairing isn’t imbued with sorcery of some kind 💜

INCORRECT. Unlike at least one kiwi in this country, I have never kicked a man so hard I ruptured his spleen. (Yet.)

(Side note, but it’s forever adorable to me that y’all call them ‘kiwi birds’. They’re just kiwi here! The fruit, on the other hand, are always kiwifruit never just kiwi. So basically, if someone tells me they think kiwi are delicious I have to hope like hell they’re not from Aotearoa.)

And honestly I have had SO MANY HTV disasters. The little dashes on the One Last Stop rebind, for example? Bane of my life, NEVER again. Unfortunately buying the 10x12 cricut heat press HAS been a game changer, though; capitalism wins again, I guess.

[tell me your weirdest theory about me]

[charliethemanticore]

Hi btw being trans does not automatically grant you supernatural understanding of all esoteric trans knowledge. You actually need to put effort into learning or put effort into keeping quiet about things that don't pertain to your specific experience

[ckret2]

@marsupials-of-mars submitted:

I was planning to do maybe a fic and more doodles of this but now I'm busy with school so I might as well show what I did do!

Based on how the goldilocks fic seems to posit that Bill at his best is a silly professor who loves to teach his own way

Introducing Professor Locke!

Things about this idea:

-post redemption, however that will go. I'm calling it an AU because I imagine it is not your plan for what happens after lol, but currently canon-compliant.

-Bill is at first not very on board with the idea of working in the higher education system. It's a scam and it's dumb that they tell adult people how to think.

-He's eventually convinced to bless Backupsmore with his tutelage, on the grounds that they're less stuck up there, they seem to care about giving their students opportunities despite their backgrounds, and the kids there care about learning rather than going to college just because their parents said they should.

-Ford uses his academic connections to vouch for Bill even though he is very mysterious and has no academic records. This is another reason why they picked Backupsmore: i's a little more lax when presented with a shockingly smart mystery professor. Bill gets an interview and charms the pants off the university president.

-He teaches "astrophysics" in theory (that's the job description) but he ends up teaching a little bit of everything.

-He's one of those professors you either adore or despise. He's very loud, often outright mean, and if you're too shy to speak up in class he does not give a SHIT about you. You gotta want it!

-However, his class is notoriously easy. He thinks homework and tests are facist, but he's required to have a curriculum, so his "quizzes" are like a few true or false questions and then a short answer where he asks something he thinks would be funny or wants to hear about, like "what's the dumbest thing another student has said in class since the last test and why was it dumb" or "fashion advice: what's the coolest thing I wore this last week? Extra credit: draw something cooler I SHOULD wear."

-as a result, students who have completely unrelated majors will take his class. If they end up being interested, he deems them worthy. If they're just there to be lazy, he will bully them into dropping out.

-Mabel buys him stickers to put on people's tests when they pass, or to just hand out when they something he likes. He gets along most with the college kids who know how to appreciate a classic gold star.

-He really wanted a big pretty lecture hall, where his voice would echo and he could point at a big chalkboard. But all Backupsmore could provide was a cinderblock and linoleum basement classroom. The lights buzz very loudly and it smells musty. They have stools and folding tables. Bill finds he enjoys the more intimate environment where he can walk between the tables and also sneak up on people.

-He's broken multiple folding tables by trying to do the cool professor thing where you hop up onto your desk and cross your legs and talk all casual. He is able to do this on his own desk thankfully. It's aluminum.

-Ford gets a bit nervous if he did the right thing when bill tells his school stories at the dinner table, so he finds an excuse to accompany Bill to a campus event where he can meet some of his students.

-His fears are quickly assuaged when he sees how beloved Bill is and how well he gets along with the kids. When he eventually joins in on one of these conversations, one of the students asks if he's Sixer. The students are excited by this. Bill tries to shut them up, to partial success.

OK I guess I just ended up writing the fic more or less so enjoy I guess lol.

Aww, this is adorable! Thank you! (And the fact that you're imagining a future for Bill makes me so happy.) He's absolutely be the weirdest professor in the school and he'd ADORE having a crowd full of trusting impressional minds whose parents are paying him to change the way they think. Talk about playing to his strengths.

Your idea is so wholesome, meanwhile the moment I saw "Professor Bill" I went,

[beenadoonabc]

Bvcktommies: If 911 followed through with narrative threads, bvcktommy would get back together

Narrative threads in 911: "We might end up real close" > "You could have my back" "Or you could have mine" > "Does your boy crush on Eddie mean you're finally ready to move on from Abby" > "They weren't my type" > "You don't find it, son, you make it" > "This is Eddie's house, I'm not a guest here" > "There's nobody I trust with my son more than you" > whatever the fuck that grocery store fight was > "I forgive you" > "I should have been there for you" "We're way past that" "I'm not" > Buck trying to get through 30 ft of mud with his bare hands > Buck moves on from Abby > Living together during the start of the pandemic > "Make sure you follow your heart, not just Christopher's" > "Are you hurt" > Eddie wakes up right when Buck and Taylor kiss > "Because, Evan" > "I thought I'd just stick it out" > "I'm leaving the 118" > "Move on, I have > "You don't have to pretend with me" > Eddie stares at Buck across a bar and smiles > the breakdown and Buck taking care of Eddie during and after > "Is that what love is? Everything is good all the time? Or is it when things are bad and you're still there for each other?" > Buck breaks up with Taylor > the Couch Theory starting out in a scene with Eddie and Chris > Eddie finding dating performative > "three minutes and seventeen seconds" > Buck saying "Natalia gets me" and getting the weirdest look from Eddie > "You were missed" > "my attention?" > "Wish I could help" > "If there's something you need to tell Eddie, you will" > "This doesn't change anything between us" "😐🫤🙁 Good, I'm relieved" > couple costumes > "I'm worried about you" "yeah, I'm worried about me too" > "just do what you always do, talk to him" > Eddie's voice grounding Buck > Tommy wearing a visitor sticker vs. Eddie finishing Buck's sentences > "I'm your first, not your last" > Buck goes to Eddie and they sit on Eddie's couch together, for the first time, after Eddie lets joy into his life > nobody wants Buck to call Tommy > "The universe will send you a special person" > Buck comes to Eddie's kitchen to bake and then instantly loses his desire to do so when he realize he's going to lose Eddie

These are literally just the things I thought of off the top of my head. There's so much more. But sure. Please tell me more about how Bvcktommy is the ship that should be endgame.

[such-expensive-mistakes]

Superpham AU (part 7)

Masterpost

A short one today, but I thought this section was funny (until it got sad again).

-----

It’s a quiet evening in the Lane-Kent household: Lois is trying to turn her notes into an article, Clark is going over Jon’s math homework, and Jon is watching a show Lois is only half-following.  It features lots of gunfire and explosions, though Lois’s��� unfortunately extensive— experience with witnessing real violence makes the version on TV look cartoonish.  She suspects that is part of the show’s appeal.

Danny is paying about as much attention to the TV as Lois is, engrossed in something on his phone.  At least he’s in the same room as the rest of them, instead of sequestering himself away.

“Hey Lois?” Danny suddenly asks.

Lois looks up from her work.  “What’s up?”

“Did you know the internet thinks you’re Superman’s girlfriend?”

Lois knows that if she looks at Clark, he’ll be turning red, the way he always does whenever this particular subject comes up.  Lois herself is barely holding back a laugh.  Jon’s wrinkling his nose, looking thoroughly embarrassed by his parents.

“Well, I am,” she says, barely keeping herself composed.

“No, I mean—” Danny begins.

“You mean people say that I’m dating Superman and married to Clark?”  Lois glances at Clark, who is now hiding his face in his hands.  “Someone forgot to check for cameras after rescuing me a few years back, and we got caught kissing on film.  It was let people think Superman is a homewrecker or let them think I’m in a polyamorous relationship with my husband and his alter ego.”  

“That’s… really weird.”  Danny is giving her the kind of judgmental look only teenagers can give.  

Lois does laugh at that.  “It is, a bit.  But it helps protect Clark’s secret identity, so I don’t mind.”

“Don’t listen to her,” Clark finally says.  “There were other ways to handle that situation; she just thinks this is funny.”

“Even your parents think it’s funny,” Lois says.  Clark just sighs, faux-aggrieved.  

“It’s not even the weirdest thing on the internet about Superman,” Danny says.  “It’s just the weirdest thing everyone agrees is true.”

“Please do not tell me what else you’ve found,” Clark says.  

“You can tell me,” Lois says.  “We can just make Clark leave for a bit.”  Reading conspiracy theories about Superman is her guilty pleasure, though if anyone asks, she does it to keep tabs on anyone who might have a viable way of hurting him.  

Danny just laughs, and something in Lois’s chest seizes up.  Is this the first time she’s heard him laugh since he came back?  She thinks it might be.

She doesn’t want to call attention to it; like as not, that would just make him pull away again.  Instead she says, “Superman doesn’t even get the best conspiracy theories.  Those are all Batman.”  That’s because Bruce purposefully cultivates them, of course, but that’s not important.

“Which one is he, again?” Danny asks.  

It’s not that Lois ever forgets that Danny has spent most of his life in another dimension.  But little offhand comments like that… they really drive it home.  There are plenty of superheroes, even Justice League members, that most of the general public has never heard of— but Batman is not one of them.

She's saved from answering by Clark.

"You'll meet him eventually," Clark says.  "He's a good friend of mine.  And Jon and Kon are close to his two youngest sons, Robin and Red Robin."

Danny nods thoughtfully.  "Right.  I think Red Robin's in the group chat Kon added me to."

Lois reminds herself to thank Kon next time she sees him.  He and Danny seem to have connected, and Kon seems to have made it his personal mission to keep Danny from slipping too far into one of his funks again.

"Speaking of Kon," Clark begins.  "Ma and Pa want to know when we'll be able to make it to Smallville to visit."

They've been trying not to overwhelm Danny by introducing him to too many new people at once, but maybe that was the wrong choice.  Maybe they should be pushing him to get out more, to connect with this dimension.  Besides, Kon spends most of his time in Smallville, and they already know that he and Danny get along.

Lois re-evaluates the article she’s been working on.  Perry would probably appreciate it sooner rather than later, but if she turns in a smaller article this week, she can probably swing a weekend off.  If not, she can always work on it from Kansas.

“This weekend should work,” Lois says.  “If that’s alright with you, Danny.”

Danny looks a little surprised to be consulted.  “I— yeah, that works.  Not like I have anywhere else to be.”  He laughs a little, but the joke falls flat, and Lois resolves to double down on helping Danny connect with more people here in this dimension.

[ask-the-pearloftheorient]

When you're always active on Twitter like yours truly, you're always seeing the weirdest crap humans come up with. Such as:

1) We nations have regenerating parts so those mummies in museums are actually just made out of our discarded body parts

2) We're spies of the government and tell our leaders everything the citizens do (Like, I don't care if I heard you're having another marriage problem, karen)

3) I'm?? Getting?? Married??? These people are planning my marriage without me knowing, oh my god. . . And the funny thing is, they say it's Mr. Brunei who's going to propose, HAHSISHISHSHS that's just unrealistic

4) Okay but like I was genuinely offended when the theory we were "unable to create children" (impotent for fucks sake—), why would these people care about that anyway???

[spectacled-renegade-writes]

Boyfriends... - Ben 10

Description: Something Ben did has Rook questioning human customs. So, he calls Gwen to ask if it's normal.

Relationships: Rook/Ben, Gwen/Kevin, Rook&Gwen

Tags: Humor, Fluff, Friendship

Ao3: Here

-

Rook could not conceivably believe that this was normal human behavior. So, in times such as these, he called Gwen – she was always a reliable source of information. After leaving Ben’s house for the day, Rook got into his Proto-Truk and dialed Gwen’s number while driving back to headquarters.

“Hello?” Gwen’s voice sounded through the cabin after three rings.

“Hello, Gwen.” Rook replied, focusing on the road. “Apologies if I have interrupted anything, but I have a question I need to ask you.”

Over the phone Rook could hear footsteps and a door closing, then Gwen said seriously, “You didn’t interrupt anything. Is everything okay?”

It had not been Rook’s intention to worry her, and it suddenly occurred to him that he had probably sounded very cryptic. “Everything is quite well,” he replied evenly. “I merely have a question regarding human behavior I was hoping you could answer.”

Gwen laughed over the phone. “And here I was stepping away because you sounded so serious.”

“I am sorry for the distress.”

“Misunderstanding, not distress,” Gwen corrected, amused. “What’s your question?”

Once again reminded about why he called, Rook grimaced. “Ben did something while we were at his house that perplexed me, and I was hoping you could tell me if this is normal.” Gwen remained silent, which prompted Rook to continue. “We decided to have a movie date at his house, and after the first movie ended he told me that I could choose the next one.”

“How is that weird?” Gwen asked.

“It is not,” Rook replied. “It is what happened after that I found weird. While I searched for a movie Ben got up from the couch and went to the kitchen.”

“Uh huh? And?”

“Well, when he returned, he held a plate that had a single pancake on it. He proceeded to sit back down and eat it in silence. When I went to the kitchen I found that there were no other pancakes, which means that Ben measured out the ingredients for a single pancake and did not offer to make me any.” Rook paused. “Perhaps I am overthinking this but it seemed very odd at the moment.”

“I swear, sometimes I think boyfriends aren’t worth the trouble,” Gwen sighed over the phone. She sounded rather exasperated in Rook’s option. “No, Rook, that is not normal human behavior at all.”

“That is a relief.” Rook smiled. “I was beginning to think I was overreacting.”

“I can assure you, you weren’t.” Gwen laughed. “You want to hear something Kevin did the other night?”

“It would be my pleasure.”

“Get this,” Gwen began. “Like two nights ago I woke up to Kevin calling my name. When I opened my eyes, the clock on my nightstand read three in the morning!”

“Something must have been wrong.” Rook frowned.

“That’s what I thought too,” Gwen agreed. “But when I asked what was wrong he replied, ‘nothing. Here, babe. I brought you a rib’.”

Rook blinked. “Wait… what?”

“I had the same thought! Apparently Kevin was slow cooking some ribs and I guess they were done in the middle of the night. We ended up eating ribs in bed at three in the morning. It was the weirdest experience ever!”

Rook did not know what to say to that. It was indeed odd. So, he said the only thing he could think of. “Did they taste good?”

“They were delicious!” Gwen yelled. “But that’s not the point.”

“I agree,” Rook nodded. “Not the point.”

“You know, Rook. Sometimes I wonder if you didn’t get the idiot gene all boys have since you’re not human. Either that or you weren’t dropped on your head as a baby.”

“Ben and Kevin were dropped on their heads as babies?” Rook frowned. “That is much cause for concern. Do you know if they suffered any brain damage?”

“I don’t think they actually were,” Gwen smiled over the phone. “That’s just my working theory on why they can be such idiots sometimes.”

“Still,” Rook hummed. “We love them anyway.”

“Yeah,” Gwen agreed. “We do love them anyway.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Notes: If you know you know ;)

No but this literally came to me at 1 in the morning, and it is the dumbest thing I have ever written. Please, move forth with your night/day and think no more of this silly little one-shot

[atmajolish]

obey me as fanfiction tropes lucifer - meet the family

you don't know why you have never met his family, just that every time the topic comes up he does his best to avoid it. at this point you think he might be the head of a mafia and simply doesn't want to involve you in the 'family business'. it's a surprise when he suddenly invites you to join a dinner with his family and when you go you realise that you got it all wrong. it's not that his family is all serious and involved in the mafia, it's that they are so chaotic it's hard to keep up. even for lucifer.

mammon - bodyguard au

being famous is only fun when your life and privacy isn't threatened by a stalker, hence why your manager decided to get you a bodyguard. you aren't quite sure how mammon is supposed to protect you, considering he seems to be easily distracted and like he hates spending time with you as he seems to think you are just like any other famous person, ready to abandon your morals the moment it suits you. but when he saves your life you're forced to reevaluate your opinion of him. maybe you can make him rethink his opinion on you as well.

leviathan - friends to lovers

you and levi have known each other since forever. you went to the same elementary school and when you saw that levi seemed to like the same cartoon you did, you just had to befriend him! several years down the line you are now in university while levi is making his main income via streaming. it feels hard to connect the same way you used to with how different your lives are these days, but you refuse to give this friendship up. the fact that you might see levi as more than a friend has nothing to do with that.

satan - coffee shop (cat café)

working as a barista in a cat café sounded like a fun way to work in theory. in practice you don't make a lot of coffee, but spend your time cleaning up after the cats. the fact that this guy keeps coming in without ordering anything and just watches the cats for at least an hour before leaving. you're sure it's against the rules, but you don't want to be the one to confront him. you don't get paid for that after all. however, he must have noticed you staring at him because he is coming over and how did you get to the point where he is telling you cat facts?

asmodeus - fake dating

you're unsure how you ended up owing a favour to mammon out of all people, but he's cashing it in right now. apparently his brother has troubles getting rid of an admirer and you're the only possible person who would agree to fake date him and keep shut about it. which is why you and asmo are now sitting in his living room deciding to come up with a way on how you fell in love. it would be so easy if your traitorous heart would just stop fluttering every time he reaches out to hold your hand in public.

beelzebub - soulmate au

sharing the taste with your soulmate sounds good in theory. of course you had to get unlucky with it as your soulmate seems to eat almost constantly and have no limits as to what exactly they eat. you've tasted multiple inedible things and at this point you're concerned for your soulmates health because there are probably repercussions for eating paper. when you see your lab partner trying to eat some of the chemicals you're working with it doesn't take you long to put two and two together. you can't even be mad for all the things you were forced to taste because beel is just cute enough to get away with it.

belphegor - roommates

you are used to your roommate falling asleep in the weirdest spots and it's a miracle he doesn't wake up with severe neck and back pain every day. however when he starts sleeping in your room because 'he likes the company' you need to start rethinking some of your feelings. when you ask him why he doesn't just sleep in his own bed, you only get a sigh and belphie tells you that it's no use sleeping there, because you aren't there. maybe belphie had already figured his feelings out long before you.

diavolo - arranged marriage

being in an arranged marriage was made out to be a lot worse than it actually was. at least in your case. you've known diavolo since you were kids and the both of you had always known it would come to this at one point. still, the thought of possibly ruling a kingdom at his side was a bit daunting. it's when he reassures you that he will handle it and plans out several shenanigans just to distract you from the pressure, that you think maybe you can fall in love with him.

barbatos - time loop

you've been forced to repeat the same day over and over again every time you die and no matter how hard you try, you just can't seem to figure out who your killer is. you're sure it's always the same person and they should be the only who is also aware of the time loop, but detective work has never been your strength. it's when a friend of a friend mentions something you said several time loops ago that cold horror washes over you. you never expected barbatos, the guy you sorta had a crush on to be your murderer.

simeon - elementary school teacher

teachers aren't supposed to have favorite students, but it's hard to not like luke just a bit more than the rest. if only because he's the one that listens to you most of the time. what you don't expect is that his dad is also exactly your type, so you really can't help but stare for a bit when simeon first walks in for the parent-teacher conference. what you also don't expect is simeon giving you his number since luke will move to a different school soon. when you ask what the number is for, he hides a smile before telling you it's his way of asking you out.

solomon - reincarnation

you don't know how often you have died and been reborn again. it's been a lot of times. the thing is, you have the easy part. the dying and the reincarnating. your lover solomon has the hard part as he is unable to die and has to live without you until your soul has come back to earth. your memories fade a little more each time you come back and you don't know how long you will be able to keep remembering him, nor how long he will keep on waiting for you.

mephistoteles - enemies to lovers

there are many things you could say about mephistoteles, however it would always be that you kinda hate him. he's stuck up, rich, and can't look past his own nose. you know he thinks about you just as badly so every single time you two see each other you only exchange glares and maybe a few insults if either of you is in a particular bad mood. it's when you're forced to work together for a project that you are forced to see him in a new light, no matter how much you hate that there is more to him than the image you have in your head.

raphael - secret agents

working with raphael has always been easy. he listens well and he can easily kill and get out without much issue. it's only problematic that he refuses to accept any help whatsoever from you, insisting it's easier if he just does it alone. normally you should be happy about that, it means less work for you, but something about it just irks you. it's when a mission goes south that the two of you finally have a heart to heart and realise that working together might be easier than it seems.

thirteen - hitman/target

there's been a hitman trailing after you for a while now. there have been too many freak accidents near you for them to be just accidents. it's when you enter your apartment and see said hitman casually lounging on your couch, eating your snacks, watching your tv. you definitely didn't think she'd be this pretty. her complaining about how you keep avoiding her traps and take out all of the fun of job, reminds you that she is sent to kill you though. it sure is a surprise when she decides to take her time and instead pose as your roommate for the time being and with every day it gets just a bit harder to distinguish whether she still wants to kill you or there is actually more to your relationship.

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

If you look at the trademark application for American Riviera Orchard, you’ll see that she’s trademarking it through a newly registered in Delaware company called Mama Knows Best, LLC.

Infact when you dig into the domain names etc, it seems this was thrown together last minute aka 2months ago after KC3/ PssoW C’s illnesses were announced. They are using PR to pretend they were working on it for an entire year, but even Scobie said they had nothing or whatever they had was all over the shop and he had no idea what it would be.

His comments don’t speak to a focused vision that is researched into whatever this is.

And what’s glaring about this launch is the lack of anything to sell. Not videos or actual products which speaks to the theory that this wax thrown together very quickly.

Russell Myers from the Mirror says if you sign up to the website, you get a respinse telling you that you’ll be notified of products when they are created/ available……if this was a year in the making and with proper marketing/ PR people, they’d have products ready to go. What it is right now is a landing/ holding page ( comments turned off on IG) until it produces products. 

It’s also interesting that the video is showcasing cooking which Markle tried to manifest for years while dating Corey. She auditioned and or popped up on varioys cooking shows/ fashion segments hoping to be hired. Acvording to people magazine, this launch of a lifestyle brand will have a companion show on Netflix. If Network tv won’t hire her for dream job then she’ll use her distribution deal to make it happen aka pay herself to make it happen!!!

However, one thing she revealed which tells me she has no clue about aspirational lifestyles/ branding. Her home kitchen hasn’t been updated from the dated 2000s/ early 2010s decor. It’s tye same kitchen from the sales brochure. 

Infact, glimpses of their home show a distinct lack of updating from the sales brochure. The onpy room thry updated is the one with the dining table as desk and their two side by side chairs. They removed all furniture and painted it white and addedva jute rug and that california bear poster over the fireplace. 

The current trend in kitchens for the wealthy is marble counter-tops and sleek designs meanwhile she’s displaying faux country/ italianate kitchen from the 90s. 

The women she is cosplaying eg GOOP, Martha and Ina Garten have upgraded to the current trend in kitchens. GOOP showed off her new kitchedn in AD. Heck, JLO is showing off her sleek kitchen. 

*****************

That they haven’t updated their house to their taste is what I laugh about the most. Are they really that cash-poor? Do they really have that much debt that they can’t afford to redo anything? Surely Markus and Soho House can cough up a few million to keep her happy, and when the Sussexes default on the loans, they can make Soho Olive Garden, a Californian spinoff of Soho Farmhouse. Win-win, if you ask me.

meanwhile she’s displaying faux country/ italianate kitchen from the 90s. ➡️ Remember, Meghan’s whole aesthetic is 90s. Of course she wants the Italian Country kitchen.

And thanks, anon. You’ve just reminded me of a house I looked at when I was moving back in 2022. The homeowners were so into that Italian Country Kitchen theme that they PAINTED the entire kitchen like it was a rustic Italian restaurant. You know you go into a family-owned Italian mom-and-pop place (not a chain like Olive Garden or Maggianos, but something like your neighborhood Italian pizza place) and it’s got that orangey-beige sponge paint that’s supposed to mimic sandstone and there’s a huge wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling mural of Italy and dusty fake vines hanging from decorative columns? Yeah, that was how this kitchen was painted. Even the cabinets. And that was not even the weirdest house I looked at by a mile.)

[technicallyfurrydetective]

Hey people I am one of the trolls who stir some shit up and no not the one who sends death threats or stuff but the one who stirs shit up,

ABOUT ME

Interestingly opposite to popular belief i actually do have a life, a husband and 3 girls who are teens now, i started working again 8 years ago after my youngest started 5th grade and yeah i live a cozy homey life but sometimes i just find stirring shit up for no reason at all so amusing & interesting, like irl no one could guess it would be me, my kids teachers praises me for being a god mom and supporting not just my girls but donating and helping her friends who need it, my girls love me and i love them too, i do don't drink or anything i work, spend time with my friends/children/ hubby and that's about it,

WHY I DO IT

But since last year I posted a post where unintentionally people got heated and the arguments got passionate, and I love watching it unfold and sometimes I can't help but post some stuff on other's tags/anons to stir shit up, i am guilty but sometimes i can't help it,

HOW I DO IT

Takes two minutes to make a new ID with an email which doesn't exist.

HONEST OPINION

It so funny how down bad you are for your ships and honestly a little pathetic as well, like i spent some time on both sides of the shipping fandom and it's so pathetic watching you guys fight tooth and nail to prove your imaginary friends will make it in the book and the other side are disgusting rats with no reading comprehension, especially elriels, like sometimes i make stuff up and send them anons that gwynriels said this or that and they get so triggered like most of the time they won't even fact check, with gwynriels i think they are more pathetic because they generally keep their pro tags clean and pretend to not care but you can tell that they hate elriels to death but will pretend otherwise like to me being a two faced cunt is more pathetic,

Like i can't decide which side is worse because elriel on one side makes it clear that they stalk the other tags and openly posts stuff from others tags on their tags, like i have seen too many "tell me why i saw this EL/GA theory/art?" and care about GA/EL opinions too much, they will fight to death to prove how the other side is crack ship, idiots to see any sort of romance in two characters which they can't see, will follow and support elriel blindly and many more but i don't like typing anymore,

Proof in the comments

WHY GWYNRIELS ARE PIECE OF SHITS

They romanticize and choose the weirdest hill to stand on, like they will die defending tamlin X nyx and tamlin X anyone, they hate the main characters to death why the fuck are you still reading the books and sitting here if you hate the main people so much?

They will romanticize the wierdest shits "GA having sex where most women feel comfortable after being raped, Gwyn felt the bond and the love after she was actively raped,

As a survivor myself i think these people need to be more mindful and intelligent,

And the whole elain gate thing, dude who posted tamlain? like they whine for no reason at all,

Cry bout minor stuff and are the reason for the threats trolling like if they kept quite and ignored the trolling would've stopped,

Hate elriel and also think they are idiots for not seeing sparks and glows but will act like a two faced cunt and pretend they don't

Proof in comments:

So really both sides are pathetic and i am too but honestly life is getting too busy so maybe i won't be here,

And i wanted to say this before i left,

You guys are the real ones who need a life and i need a psychopath assessment, i'll get it done soon or go to therapy but for now BYE,

Hope you all love and hope you guys understand that you are all the same people

[kiwiana-writes]

Weird theory: you’re secretly a magical sea creature, stuck on land due to some curse. You’re too fucking cool to be human.🤷🏻‍♀️

So a fun fact about me is that I have a genuine bona fide phobia of water. And sometimes I'll tell people this and they're like "oh yeah open ocean" and I'm like... no. Water. Any water that I can't control. Baths are fine, hot tubs are okay if the people in it aren't splashing about, showers are fine but I have to contort myself so water doesn't run over my face. Public swimming pools are a hard no, let alone like... rivers and lakes and the sea.

(Yes, I grew up in Aotearoa. Yes, this is a regular issue.)

So what I'm saying is, this could actually be very true and there's a fucking failsafe in the curse trying to keep me *away* from water so I don't find my way back or something.

[tell me your weirdest theory about me]

[erensangel444]

sneak peek: family and friends discount

sneak peek of the new dealer!yuuji fic i'm working on. currently stuck on one part and IM LOSING IT !!!! but here's a lil sneakaroo for now.

for context, this is the second time they're seeing each other :D

"aye, y/n," you heard from across the room, the loud bass of the music making it harder to hear. you turned around to see yuuji walking over to you with a smile.

"yuuji! hi," you said, smiling up at him. he could tell you were drunk right now, due to his his name coming out a little slurred and your all too-gleeful expression.

"c-can we go outside?" you asked, your hand coming up to touch his bicep. you let it rest there as you continued, "s' really loud in here."

yuuji was reeling at your touch. it felt like there were flames underneath your fingers, prickling against his skin.

he did his best to try and keep his cool, "mhm, c'mon" he said, his hand falling to the small of your back as he led you out the sliding glass door.

the two of you were now in the backyard, yuuji watching you race over to the swinging seat held up between two large oak trees.

"c'mere" you said, seemingly exasperated, "y'so slow," you teased, laughing softly.

yuuji chuckled before walking over to you and sitting down next to you.

"you're having a fun night, huh?" he said, turning to look at you with that same annoyingly cute smile.

"the best," you sighed softly. "better now that you're here."

yuuji was taken aback by your boldness. apparently you were the poster child for liquid courage.

"oh yeah? ya' never texted me about getting more..." yuuji joked.

"i meant to, i swear!" you said your hands quickly coming up in your defense. your hand fell on yuuji's leg as you continued, "was gonna text you tomorrow, promise."

"i believe you, princess," yuuji said, smiling softly. yuuji reached his hand into his pocket, pulling out the joint he had rolled before the party and a lighter. "don't have to wait for tomorrow if you don't want to, though."

he handed the lighter to you, putting the joint in between his lips. "would you do the honors," yuuji mumbled around the joint, that dopey smirk still lingering on his lips.

your thumb fumbled with the lighter, flicking it once, then twice before the flame lit up the space between you and yuuji. you brought the flame to the end of the joint, holding it there for a few seconds before letting your thumb off, the light dissapating.

"want some?" yuuji said after exhaling. "mhm," you hummed softly, grabbing the joint from him, "thank you."

yuuji's cheeks were heating up. he wanted to admire everything about you in this moment. he found himself eager to know more about you; what you liked, and disliked, your fears, your favorite movie, the weirdest conspiracy theory you believed in.

for a girl that he had met only a week ago, you had such an effect on him. he felt like he was in a trance.

"y-yuuji," you whined, waving your hand in front of his face. he was just staring at you softly when he finally broke out of whatever spell you had put him under.

"s-sorry," he laughed, "m a little drunk too if i'm being honest."

"who said i was drunk?" you joked, grinning. yuuji laughed, raising his eyebrows, "oh you're so sober right now, my apologies."

you laughed, i could walk in a straight line right now. i--i could pass those cop tests right now, if i wanted to!"

"cop tests..." yuuji chuckled.

"mhm, mhm! watch," you said, handing the joint back to yuuji before standing up. you turned your back to your yuuji, walking attempting to walk in a straight line, putting one foot in front of the other.

in all honesty, yuuji was not paying attention to your, as you would put it, undeniable sobriety.

instead, his eyes lingered on the way your skirt was riding up, exposing more of your skin.

he quickly looked down, chastising himself internally for acting like a pervert.

"n' how was that?" you asked, turning back around to find yuuji looking down.

"you weren't even watching!" you whined, walking back over to sit down next to him.

"oh i saw," yuuji said, looking over at you. the two of you just sat there, eyes locked on one another. you watched his line of sight travel between your eyes and your lips, and you secretly wished he could hear you internally begging for him to "just kiss me!"

instead, yuuji stood up as he spoke, "and that was some stellar walking, y/n, but......not as good as mine," yuuji joked, standing up and mimicking your walking.

you watched yuuji walk, unable to control your laughter. yuuji's heart was floating at the sound.

"you literally just zig-zagged that whole time!"

[alpaca-clouds]

Understanding Individualism vs Collectivism

Making that post about individualism and capitalism yesterday, I got some questions, that showed me the same problem as the person I was talking about had: A lot of people do actually not know what individualism and collectivism mean. So, let me try to explain.

I had kinda hoped that Abigail from Philosophy Tube might have made a video on this, but no such luck. So, I guess I have to try and explain it, even though I mostly know it from sociology, rather from the philosophic origins where it comes from.

Basically, both concepts originate with socialist philosophy in the early 19th century, which correctly identified the early capitalist society as individualist and saw the dangers coming with it. It argued that an individualist society will be harmful on a societal level, because the society at large would always focus on the self, rather than the other. Capitalist philosophy however picked this up was like: “Yeah, awesome, right?” And especially in the 20th century they really started to run with it, realizing that they could use it to make people into better consumers.

Now, individualism does not mean “a sense of self”. This is not connected to it. You will still have a sense of self in a collectivist society and nobody says that you shouldn’t have. Rather it means that the focus of everyone should be on the individual. Both themselves – but also the individual actors in society. It is as such not a surprise that the idea of “Great Man Theory” came up and started to thrive during early capitalism in the 19th century.

So, if individualism does not mean “a sense of self”, what does it mean?

I would argue there are two aspects to it. Once the aforementioned tendency to put the individual above the society and apart from it, but also to create and sell a personal philosophy that people are defined by their differences from others, rather than what they have in common. It tells people that they are all so very different from everyone else, which is a useful political tool for capitalism to fight collective actions such as unions, but also collective action for things like environmental protection. In the same vein it is used to keep people riled up against one another within society, as they focus on their differences, rather than what they have in common.

The most anarchistic professor I had at university put it very well: “If you as a worker talk to a factory worker from Bangladesh, you will find you have a lot in common. In fact you will always have more in common with this other worker rather than any billionaire there is.”

Which brings me to the other aspect that individualism is about: It sells you an individualistic dream. Which is why capitalism focuses so much on those rags to riches stories (that tend to be lies most of the time). “See, this millionaire started out his business in daddy’s garage. So you can also become a billionaire if you have the right idea.” Fellow leftist might know the saying: “You are just one bad day away from homelessness, but you will never be a billionaire.” Which is basically the counter argument to this.

See, capitalism tries to convince you, that “I am the better system, because in me you could become a billionaire,” to sell you not only on your own exploitation, but the exploitation of the masses.

And more than that, capitalism also has realized that it can use individualism to make you a better consumer. I alluded to this a bit further up. But the long and short of it is, that capitalism pushes this idea of “you are, what you consume”. Your individuality is defined by the things you spent money on. Maybe by you having the most expensive things, but also by you having maybe the weirdest things or something. You know, the “not like the other girls” girl will probably spend as much, if not more on the things that make her special, as “the other girls”.

This also goes into the whole idea of greenwashing, pinkwashing and rainbow capitalism. All this is about getting you to consume something to gain some sort of individual aspect from it. Basically, through buying the “green” stuff, you are a better consumer.

Ironically this also goes into the entire anti-shipping discourse, which basically also says that your goodness as a person is defined by the things you consume.

Capitalism is selling you your identity. Your individual identity.

But sadly this is an idea very, very deeply engrained into the heads of most who have grown up in capitalism. Because it is everywhere in media. Sure, there is some media that calls it out, but most of it actually peddles the idea of the individual.

Because this is the second aspect at the core of individualism: The myths that only individuals can change something, rather than a collective. Which is what I call out so often when I am talking about the entire punk-genre stuff.

Even though it is less punk, let me take Star Wars as an example, because it is an amazing example of this. Especially the original trilogy, in which the Rebellion battles the Empire. However, the evil Empire is not defeated because the Rebellion manages to somehow outwit or outmaneuvre the Empire. Or because maybe the collective of the workers in the Empire turn against it. Rather it gets defeated because Luke, the individual, turns Darth Vater, an individual, and defeats the Emperor, the individual. Which goes back to this idea of the “great man”. It is those unique individuals who will save the world, rather than collective action.

This idea of some individuals being the ones to save the world, rather than we – the people – as a group and ourselves, is used to keep the people pacified under capitalism. They are waiting for “a good billionaire” to solve climate change, homelessness and all the other problems for us, rather than getting active themselves. They keep telling themselves: “Hey, under capitalism everyone can be a billionaire, including myself, and also my life isn’t that bad right now. So who cares that under socialism/communism everyone could be lifted up?”

Look, folks. I am saying this lovingly. But you are not as much of an individual as you think. You are your own person, but you are not unique. In fact, if you talk to a random person on the street – no matter who they are – and you and them are not instantly judging each other for one reason or another, you will find that you have a lot more in common than you think. Capitalist individualism just taught you to not see this, because your empathy can be its undoing.

[1218-814]

Jade Leech Analysis and Theories

Again this is for myself, loosely based off of what other ppl think, but he's my kin so I may be biased

requested by @thehollowwriter

His actual Personality (Iced Tea Theory) and his hobby

No one has actually gotten Jade's trust and trusted him back. He's desperately trying though, but he's not getting the right idea of how. His actual personality is frozen, but the only one that comes the closest to helping him is surprising: Kalim Al-Asim.

For Jade, you have to dump a ton of sugar (sweet love) into the tea.

Remember what he said in response to the tea?

"It feels like all my teeth will fall out."

What is Jade's unique magic written as?

"The teeth that bite."

I'm going to call Jade's actual personality iced tea for this reason.

Also, the mushrooms are a metaphor, as well as Jack’s cacti, for personality. Jack and the Octavinelle trio are from a cold place, Jack comes from the snowy region and Octavinelle comes from the icy ocean. Cacti grow poorly in cold places, which equals undeveloped Jade, which needs some sun and warm air to grow. It’s odd how suddenly there’s the story about a cactus and the detailed reason just to go to the greenhouse. And how much they emphasized that Jack is from a snowy country.

Jack said that he wanted to get his cactus some light in the greenhouse, and Octavinelle showed up, together, which is weird to me. 

Maybe this is what happened in the even (as in odd or even) chapters with Octavinelle. Ace and Deuce don’t seem to have memories of Atlantica Museum, and other positive things in that arc. Maybe the one who blotted was Jade? (There are different plot lines if you look closely, wasn’t it odd that you see how Malles was feared in the main story, but not in Halloween events? Even in part 5 how Ace and Deuce were like “long time no see” when you saw them before the end of 4?)

I think even at this point, his clinginess hasn’t resolved; so Azul and Floyd are accepting it, saying to him “Let’s change it little by little”. I mean it’s hard for someone like Jade, who lives for someone else to be just told “live for yourself!”.

I mean Azul asks him what he should do when Jack ruined his mushrooms; which I assume is letting him decide what he wants to do, as a part of helping him live his own life.

Jade talks to someone he doesn’t know from him, and the mushrooms are near a “sunny place” (with cloth). Azul insults him with a serious face and Floyd calls them “mushrooms” not “shitake”. Jade being in the middle is especially the weirdest. This is highly unlike them, and I think they want to “face Jade properly more”. 

Jade fake cried, which I assume is a form of therapy; even if it’s fake, it’s teaching him “that it’s okay to cry, tell us your feelings”.  Yes, even if Jack worked at Mostro Lounge, he has no merit, but Floyd said “Yeah let’s do that.”, which is a really good response because if he said that he would have no merit, the situation would go back to “listening to others, instead of yourself”.

He dragged the whole thing, and Floyd oddly didn’t complain about it, and he touched Jack’s ears. I think he wanted to do that from the beginning, and he didn’t go “Oya oya Floyd” and ignore his own thoughts/opinion. And Floyd said that they were “Jade’s treasure”, as opposed to in Jade’s lab coat when he said to throw it away.

Jade's heart is expressed as teeth, something sharp/hard and protected, and in Jack's lab coat story, I also assume the reason why they put the mushrooms in a sunny place is that it's a metaphor for Jade's real self-being "defrosted." Remember what Jack did? He threw Jade’s mushrooms away. I think this is expressing what people have done to him; the softest part of his heart is trampled and thrown away "for the time being" and "somehow" Jack and Jade are on opposite teams on Beans Day, probably because Jack is Jade's "Night", but Azul is Jade's "Day".

Jade wants to be defrosted by Azul, and that's why his relationship with him is co-dependent.

Jades and diamonds are kind of similar in a way; Diamonds are the toughest stone but are brittle. Jades are not as hard and easy to scratch, but they have a very strong toughness and are hard to break. (Cater and Jade)

Jade and his little… attachment Issues

Jade is so silly,  we all know he’s lowkey psychotic and loves Azul but he himself most likely doesn’t. I personally relate to him heavily and know most likely what he is thinking so let me explain his attachment to Azul. Think of Jade as a little child, or Ariel from the little mermaid, but she’s, like, 190 cm.

Do you know those people that are attached to one person? Jade is basically that with Azul, but a little hard (?) to tell. So you know how I said that Jade grows mushrooms because Azul praised him once for it? That is why he has that attachment; this goes for why he takes care of Floyd, it's something that he was praised for, something that gives him an “identity”.

He visibly sighs during flying classes, which reflects how it’s a very weak point for him while he’s very good at other things, so when he can’t do something less than another person can, it makes him stand out more. No praise no gain.  I know this is probably harder for people who aren’t like Jade to understand but basically, if you get praised by someone that you think understands you about something that you didn’t really know about yourself, you are like “Oh I didn’t know that!”. However, what he doesn’t know is that Azul doesn’t really understand Jade as much as Jade thinks. So when Azul says he’s someone that is “good at getting into people’s comfort”, he doesn’t really mean it as praise, but Jade takes it as one. His thought process is basically “If Azul, someone who I trust has good judgment because he always knows what people desire and what their weak points are, then there is no doubt that I am a bad guy who puts on a gentle and humble mask.”, and he believes that fake identity (also kinda gullible) as is. 

To Azul, he doesn’t trust Jade because he appears to have no desires that are to be gained through his contracts. It's fake but in a self-protection-type way. That illusion that he makes for himself makes him look strong, but deep down he is a very sensitive child. And that is why he became so attached to the little crybaby who spews out ink; he thinks they are the same in how sensitive and scared they are. Both haven’t been like this from the beginning, and that’s why Jade doesn’t fear the scheming personality of Azul. This also could apply to why he is okay with Trey (who is like him, but nice (?) and why he isn’t as close with Vil (who is someone who was born strong and honest about himself). Azul doesn’t notice because of hits low self-esteem

Just on a side note, I think Jade hates people who write stuff like this. This is a call-out post to some of the Jade kins out there. AKA me

~~~

I pulled this one out of the grave too

This is a small chunk of Octa, the google doc I have is 50+ pages

They're like a lot of context needed bc I post my old posts out of order so if there's a request, I am willing to pull those out

[eddiegettingshot]

hima my weirdest theory about you is that you share a psychic link with tim but it only works intermittently. in this way you are able to both influence and imagine what he will do next but you have no control over what/when will come through on either end of the connection

lana let us hope and pray that this is true and that the link decided to come online for the next couple of episodes. also. scream

tell me your weirdest theory about me!

[science-bastard]

My weirdest theory about you is that the women you date are actually many mice in a suit

HELP I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR READING THIS FIRST THING IN THE MORNING

anyway i think you might be right, that would explain a lot

[tell me your weirdest theory about me]