#tell me if I forgot any but there were a lot fewer than the rest of the characters

[girltomboy]

The Torturous Tortured Poets Department - a 2/10 album

I finally listened to this slop knowing full well it would be beyond excruciating to try and sit through all the 31 "songs" on it, and all my expectations were confirmed. That lady can't do anything!

So I want to mention that only the first 10-ish songs are actually listenable, the rest of it is the same repetitive monotone slop that's ever present on her past ~4 releases (not including the re-recorded greedleases).

Fortnight (feat. Post Malone) - flat song, Post Malone fits well on it, but it doesn't have a peak, just goes straight into nowhere. I kind of forgot most of it because it feels like I've been trying to get through this tar pit of an album for a whole day. Forgettable is a good description for it.

The Tortured Poets Department - fake deep, heavily influenced by pretentious clichees, we can tell she had a fling with the racist from The 1975 because it made her even more annoying. Also forgettable.

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys - this one was better, has a bit of personality to it, some rhythm too, one of the only decent songs if you pay little attention to the lyrics.

Down Bad - the swearing makes it funny, lackluster production, quite flat, verbose & empty. I don't think she understands what "down bad" means.

So Long, London - the same as the previous one, empty production, verbose, flat singing, filler song.

But Daddy I Love Him - I feel compelled to point out she used a comma for the previous title, but not here. This one sounds a little bit like her older stuff, probably because of the lyrics. Still too wordy, and the production is too boring in contrast with her voice and the lyrics, a problem that's prevalent on most of her recent releases.

Fresh Out The Slammer - another song loaded with flat singing and lackluster production. A lot of these songs have long periods of silence, not drops or rests like in most other songs where it sounds nice, just straight up long silences.

Florida!!! (feat. Florence + The Machine) - stripped back production here and there very unnecessarily. Florence held back a lot, there's barely any singing, of course, to match her little song companion. It's barely a song, really, incohesive and peakless. The build-up, if you can call it that, is sudden and short and leads nowhere. Their voices also don't complement each other well at all.

Guilty as Sin? - this sounds a lot like many of her other songs with boring and empty productions. No peak or anything to make it stand out, just percussion and plain vocals with thesaurus lyrics.

Who's Afraid of Little Old Me - silence again; this one is at least richer in sounds. The lyrics are too edgy, reminiscent of Karma. There's a rhythm, but the random pauses kill all the momentum. Corny, high school lyrics.

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can) - these long, cheesy titles are tiring me out. Production copied + pasted from the other songs. No peak, no singing, no music. It could have been an interlude with fewer words. Too many dog allegories for her boyfriends on this album.

loml - another empty ballad with many words and nothing said. Lullaby song, really boring, repetitive, bad lyrics.

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart - some build up only to sound like a monkey with cymbals song. Really corny lyrics and the same lackluster production.

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived - this is where the album, already pretty bad so far, takes a down turn and becomes the most unbearable collection of slop I've ever sat through since her Folklore/Evermore days. Those were peak unbearable, this was just disappointing and exhausting. One piano note for each syllable, bland production again, nothing song. Verbose and sleepy.

The Alchemy - I have already listened to this song 10 times on this album so far. It sounds like Halsey and would have probably been better with a trap instrumental rather than this silent 2014 nonsense.

Clara Bow - the same boring slop over and over. She's talking too much, not singing enough, and the elevator music just makes it exhausting. Nothing new, just recycled lyrics over the same bland production.

The Black Dog - here I was kinda starting to get pissed off. Not music. She really made the same song 20 times and said "yeah, it's an album. Release it." Wow my ears hurt.

imgonnagetyouback - Repetitive, heard it before, zero production. Some rhythm, but the backing vocals and empty melody kill it. Silence again.

The Albatross - a little more interesting, something to hear finally. But unfortunately it's just a mellow guitar song, so the novelty doesn't last long into it, since it's just as bland as her previous ones, it just puts you to sleep with different instruments.

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus - no intro whatsoever, just a plain piano like the practice of a beginner child, repetitive singing, lullaby song. Nothing distinctive, the same stripped back production, drags on forever.

How Did It End? - piano ballad, boring, sleepy, thesaurus lyrics, repetitive, and yet it's not the worst one so far. But we're probably past that point.

So High School - is that... an instrument? Oh, because she "feels high school" (we know, we've heard the lyrics) she made a pop rock sounding song. She barely sings on it, though, so all the momentum is once again suffocated. A breath of fresh air to hear something a little bit different from the dead slime I've been wading through, and this is hardly a compliment for this song. Also, she CANNOT sing.

I Hate It Here - slow guitar song again stuffed with repetitive verbosity to the point where you can't tell what's going on with the production. But it's okay, because nothing is ever going on. Skipped through 2/3 of it.

thanK you aIMee - boring, repetitive nothing. Barely any singing again, every song sounds like she wanted an excuse to speak into a microphone in a monotone semblance of a melody that goes nowhere.

I Look In People's Windows - a song filled with silence again, absolutely zero production, skipped over 2/3 again.

The Prophecy - nothing song, too much singing - sorry, monotone speaking. Zero melody, skipping through it I land on the same plain low note every time.

Cassandra - silence song again, nonexistent production, verbose, stands out with nothing.

Peter - another ballad I can't get through. At least this one has some structure, but again too much aimless verbosity. Skipped the last minute.

The Bolter - how is this not the same auditory sludge I've been listening to for the last 2 hours? Lazy guitars, and boring production. Bland melody, monotone singing.

Robin - sounds the same as 20 other songs, the slow singing makes it even more painful. This song has NOTHING to redeem it. There's silence again and extremely monotone melody with barely any singing. Should have been an interlude, skipped half of it.

The Manuscript - another nothing song, I actually couldn't sit through more than 10 seconds. The only redeeming quality of it is that there's no more songs coming after it.

Overall this album is incohesive, full of incoherent monotone yapping. Her vocals are atrocious, I don't even want to go into that, the excruciatingly boring production was bad enough on its own. Luckily she barely tried to sing at all, every song was almost the same recycled flat note over an aimless elevator melody. However, the best part of it is that it's finally over. Special thanks to the people who provided the piracy link and made this unnecessarily long post possible. 🙏 Without you the world would be nothing.

[leverage-ot3]

emotionally charged character-specific leverage episodes

(the episodes are in no specific order)

nate:

the radio job

the last dam job

the cross my heart job

the 12 steps job

the first david job

the second david job

the miracle job

the three-card monte job

sophie:

the king george job (?)

the two live crew job

the fairy godparents job

the king george job

parker:

the long way down job

the inside job

the stork job

the grave danger job

the experimental job

the future job

the boost job

the 12 step job

the juror #6 job

the french connection job

the broken wing job

the white rabbit job

the toy job

hardison:

the grave danger job

the experimental job

the mile high job

the big bang job

eliot:

the two horse job

the tap-out job

the studio job

the big bang job

(basically a good amount of season 3 tbh)

the grave danger job

the order 23 job

the carnival job

the french connection job

the low low price job

ot3 emotionally charged episodes:

the grave danger job

the rundown job

the lonely hearts job

the gone fishin’ job

the van gogh job

the queen’s gambit job

the 12 steps job

the long goodbye job

nate x sophie emotionally charged episodes:

the bank shot job

the lonely hearts job

the reunion job

the frame-up job

team emotionally charged episodes:

the second david job

the carnival job

the juror #6 job

the big bang job

the long goodbye job

[agathasangel]

you just don’t know it yet but baby, i’ve already got your heart (diane sherman x fem!reader NSFW)

both an anon and @magnifique-monstre  requested yandere prompt 6 and 17 (i think?) so I’m gonna combine them because they would go together well

prompt 6: “Pretend you never saw that. I can’t stand it when you look so scared.”

prompt 17: “I’m the only thing keeping you safe from a filthy, disgusting world.”

warnings: everything, basically. it’s pretty fucked up actually. TW for drugging, stalking, dubcon, emetophobia warning (just one mention), kidnapping, etc. also teacher!diane

summary: Diane Sherman was your Professor, and then your girlfriend, and then your caretaker. As the days start to become hazy and mixed up with one another, you wonder if Diane is trustworthy. 

Every day was basically the same. Wake up, take your meds, have breakfast with Diane. Then you would either accompany Diane to school or she would take you to the doctor’s or sometimes, if you felt up to it, she would take you on some sort of outing. She never liked to leave you alone and protectively followed you nearly everywhere you went. She took you home, and you would rest by her as she worked on her grading. At night Diane would make dinner for the two of you, the two of you would relax together, she would make sure you took the medication you needed at night and then you fell asleep in her arms.

It was nice. But you noticed that you started to forget things. You sometimes forgot how you even knew Diane, you even forgot your whole life before you met her at times. You were supposed to be on medical leave for a semester, which turned into a whole year, and- how long has it been now? You had no idea. You thought it was still summer, but the days started to blur together. The next year may have started, you had no way of knowing. Diane taught year round, so you went to school with her either way.

You remembered how everything started, though. You were a freshman, and you had moved across the country for college. You felt alone, and scared. You took a Chemistry class because you had to take some sort of science course, and it was the only one available when you signed up. You dreaded going, until you saw Professor Sherman. You struggled a bit in the class, so you went to her office hours. It was also a good excuse to talk to her, you thought. 

She was a lot nicer than some of your other professors, and she helped you through the problems you struggled with.

“You know, students don’t usually like to come to my office hours, so feel free to show up whenever you need me. Alright, hon?”

“Of course. Thanks, Professor.”

How did it turn into this?

Oh, right. You and Diane started to get closer, and you started to come down with lots of rashes, general pains, and you started getting sick to your stomach more and more. 

One day, you emailed Diane to tell her you couldn’t make it to her lab because you had thrown up that morning, to which she responded by asking what dorm you were in and if you needed anything.

It might be nice if you could bring me some saltines or something to settle my stomach? I have nothing in my dorm and can’t really stand up yet. Don’t worry about it though. I don’t want to get you sick, and are you even allowed in the dorms?

- (y/n)

I’ll be fine, and it really isn’t a big deal. We’re both adults, and I just want to help you.

- thinking of you, Prof. Diane Sherman

Next thing you remember, Diane showed up to your dorm a few minutes after your lab would have ended and brought not just crackers, but ginger ale, soup, water, blankets, and several different medicines. You talked for a while too, but couldn’t for the life of you remember what about. But you did remember that she stayed with you as long as you needed her, and promised to come back if you needed it.

You didn’t get better. You managed to get through your finals and pass your first semester classes, but you ended up having to spend much of Winter break in the hospital. Your parents came to visit, as did Diane. Diane actually came back every day, making sure you were okay.

You remembered that because of the silver necklace Diane gave you that Christmas that you still wore every single day. You felt bad when you got it because you didn’t think to get her a gift, but she told you not to worry about that, this was just a little thing that made her think of you. Besides, you were in the hospital!

“You know (y/n), I don’t have anyone else to visit over the holidays. I’m glad I get to be with you. I just wish it were under better circumstances.”

You started feeling a bit better and were able to come back for your second semester classes. You didn’t have Diane as a professor anymore, but you started to become friends. You would get coffee, or dinner. One night she asked you to come home with her, and be her girlfriend, to which you immediately agreed.

You slowly spent fewer nights at your dorm and more nights with Diane, and then you got sick again.  After that, she convinced you to move in with her full-time, and you’ve been living in her house and sleeping in her bed ever since. 

Right now, you were sitting in Diane’s and your bed, as she made dinner. You struggled to remember what happened next. This was when everything started to blend together. Your illnesses worsened even more shortly after you moved in with Diane. You remember being confined to the very same bed as Diane helped you do your finals from home, as she explained the situation to your parents and easily charmed them, convincing them you were in great hands.

“(Y/n), time for dinner!”, Diane called. She then walked to the bedroom to check if you needed any help.

“I’m fine, actually. I’ve been feeling a little better.”

“Good. Such a brave, good girl. Now eat up, alright baby?” cooed the older woman as she led you to the table and sat you down.

“Well, physically I’ve been feeling better, but-”

“What? What’s wrong? Have I not been paying enough attention to you? Are you feeling sad? anxious? My poor baby-”

“No, none of that. I’ve just been- forgetting things. Like, big chunks. My memories are so foggy. It’s hard for me to think at all sometimes.”

“Oh, honey, that’s just a side effect of your medication. It’s okay, it won’t last forever. And I’ll help you fill in any gaps you need until then. But you don’t need to worry. Not when you’re with me. Okay angel?”

“Yes, Mommy.”

“Oh, we’re in that kind of mood, are we?”

“Is that okay?”

“Very, very, okay, little one.”

Mommy was what you called Diane most often during sex. It turned her on immensely, and it excited you as well. 

Diane grabbed you and brought you to the bed, tearing off your clothes.

“Are you still feeling good?”

“Yes Mommy.”

“Such a good girl for me. Such a good girl for Mommy.”

You spread your legs for her and she started touching you. But then-

“Mommy stop please. I can’t do this, Diane-”

“Alright. I’m sorry, I’ll go get your meds.

Diane went to the bathroom to get your meds and sleep aids.

“D-Diane?”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Why can’t I remember things? I can’t even remember some things about my family.”

“A side effect of some of your medication sweetie. I told you that.”

“You did?”

“Yes. I will tell you this, my love. People have hurt you, in your past. I remember when we met you were having such a difficult time. You wanted friends, you had so much trouble making friends. The other students were so mean to you. Your parents they- they acted like having to come see you when you were in the hospital was some kind of inconvenience. It was awful. You were so lonely.”

“I know I was lonely.”

“Yes, sweetheart. You needed someone. You needed me. I have to be the one to take care of you. I am the only person that can love the way you deserve to be loved. I’m the only thing keeping you safe from a filthy, disgusting world. And I need you too. I need to love and protect you.”

“Yes, Diane. I need to sleep now.”

“Alright. Come here, darling,” said Diane. She held you until you fell asleep.

Next thing you knew, you were tied to the pole in the basement with several ropes. Diane was tying more and more ropes around you, around different parts of your body. The world felt heavy, blurry, fluid. 

“Please stop, Diane. Why are you doing this?”

“It’s for your own good, darling. Trust me. You need this.”

The ropes began to cover your entire body. Your face, eyes, neck. Especially your neck. There was a sharp sting on your neck.

Your eyes flew open, and you awoke in a cold sweat, and screamed. 

It was just a dream, I’m safe, thank God. Diane would never-

But then you noticed Diane. She was holding a small syringe, that seemed empty. And your neck stung. She was startled by your scream, clearly not expecting you to have woken up.

“Pretend you never saw that. I can’t stand it when you look so scared.”

“What did you do to me? What was in there, Diane?”

“You need it, sweetheart. I know you don’t like needles.”

“No. Why didn’t you tell me? What’s going on?”

“You need this. You need me. Your-”

You searched for the syringe and found it. There was a thick, black residue on it, and you sniffed it. It gave you a head rush.

“You’ve been drugging me. This is why I’ve forgotten things, isn’t it?”

“Come on, angel. You know I wouldn’t”

“But-”

“Don’t worry, just go back to sleep.”

You did feel tired. So tired. And you couldn’t even remember what you and Diane were even fighting about. So you went to sleep in her arms.

The next morning, Diane made you breakfast. 

“How did you sleep, (y/n)?”

“I don’t know. I think I had a nightmare but I can’t remember-”

“Oh no! At least you can’t remember it, right?”

“I- I guess so.”

Diane felt relief that you didn’t remember what happened last night. Her plan was working. You would be hers, her precious girl, forever. All that work to find you, to make you trust her, making you sick, making you need her. She knew everything about you. You were her perfect girl, and she was yours. And you always would be.

[obeyme-kaidii-writes]

Sleep

Mammon x gn!MC

Words - 2286

Content warnings - none, just lots of fluff and humor, platonic relationships

Prompt/Inspiration - AO3 request

Summary -  Mammon starts sleeping in your room at night, and you notice a peculiar habit of his.

AO3

You were a light sleeper. A very, very light sleeper.

There had been several times during your stay at the House of Lamentation when Mammon scared the living daylights out of you by crawling into your bed in the middle of the night. Eventually, you just flat out told Mammon that he had to sleep with you because you were not going to be able to rest otherwise. He stuttered and blushed and fumbled over his words, denying that he had any idea what you were talking about, but in the end, he had taken up semi-permanent residence in your room.

When you start sharing a bed with someone on a regular basis, you begin to learn a lot about them that you wouldn’t know otherwise. Like whether they hog the blankets, if they prefer sheets over thick comforters, if they snore. And you, likewise, started to notice some very peculiar traits of Mammon’s.

For example, he preferred to sleep entirely nude. Of course now that he was sleeping in your room most of the time, he made the effort to wear something. But it wasn’t unusual for him to wake up in noticeably fewer clothes than when he had fallen asleep.

One night in particular, you were about to learn yet another thing about Mammon.

————

Mammon had fallen asleep long before you, and you had stayed up to keep reading a book you had borrowed from Satan. As you got sleepier and sleepier you realized that maybe it was time you called it a night. So you rolled over to turn your lamp off, only to find that you couldn’t reach it because a certain demon of Greed was starfished on the bed, essentially trapping you in a corner.

You thought for a moment about what you should do about this situation you found yourself in. At first, you didn’t want to disturb Mammon. His sleeping face was just so cute! But you were tired. And despite the fact he looked absolutely adorable next to you now, this was the same little shit that woke you up frequently for reasons much more frivolous.

“Pssst, Mammon. Wake up,” you nudged him with your elbow. When he didn’t stir, you gave him a bit of a kick with your foot. And when he still didn’t wake up, you put your hand on his shoulder and gently shook him.

“Wassup?” he finally answered as he sat up in bed.

“Turn off the light.”

“‘K.”

Having successfully woken him up, and trusting that he could manage a light switch on his own, you rolled over, turning your back to him, preparing to go to sleep. But after a good minute or two, you realized the light was still on. So you rolled over halfway, and repeated your request.

“Mammon, the light.”

“Right. Right. Gotcha.” And with that he finally reached over to the lamp and flicked it off, before snuggling back into your blankets and curling up behind you.

————

The following morning, you were the first to wake up. You looked over to Mammon, who was still taking up a good ¾ of the bed, and you couldn’t help but smile. It really was nice waking up with someone else beside you. Even if that someone was a bed hog.

When Mammon woke up a few minutes later, it was only to find you staring at him. He blushed awkwardly as he looked away, which just made you laugh.

“Whattaya lookin’ at?”

“Oh just a cute demon, hogging the bed.”

“Oh...uh...sorry,” he replied, pulling his limbs to himself as he rolled on his side away from you.

“It’s fine. So long as you are willing to turn the light off for me,” you said, smiling and laughing softly, as you snuggled up next to Mammon, wrapping your arm around his waist and spooning him from behind.

“The light?”

“Yeah, like last night when I was reading. If you’re gonna hog the bed, then be prepared to be woken up to turn off the light.”

Mammon rolled over a little to get a better look at you, certain that you had to be teasing him or setting him up for a joke or...something. But you were just smiling at him like normal.

“What’s up?” you asked.

“I dunno whatcha talkin’ about. I didn’t turn off a light last night.”

“Umm yeah you did. You even sat up and talked to me.”

“Noooo I didn’t…” he furrowed his brow in confusion. What on earth were you trying to pull?

“Ok fine. It doesn’t matter. The deal still stands. Hog the bed, be put on light switch duty. K?” you asked, leaning forward to give him a quick peck on the cheek, something that you knew would fluster him.

“Uh yep. Got it. Light switch duty,” he said as he rolled back over to hide his face from you. Without even meaning to, he shifted back slightly so that he was pressed more fully against you, and you simply smiled and hugged him in return. You were such a brat sometimes...kissing him on the cheek like that out of nowhere. You could at least warn him. Not that he liked it or anything.

While you did find it a little odd that Mammon didn’t remember the light incident, you just wrote it off as one of those things. It’s not like it mattered whether or not he remembered, anyways.

————

A few days later, you returned to your room after a study session with Satan only to find Mammon already passed out on your bed, once again leaving very little space for you. It occurred to you then that perhaps he was doing this on purpose so that you’d have to sleep practically on top of him, so you decided to have a bit of fun.

Instead of crawling over him, you climbed in next to him by the edge of your bed, and poked him in the side.

His reaction was immediate. He sat up and rubbed at his eyes...and then he just sat there.

“Mammon? You can lay back down.”

He mumbled something.

“Mammon?”, you sat up to get a better look at him. His eyes were open, but only just, and his gaze was unfocused, “You can lay down now.”

“I don’t wanna,” he whined.

“Mammon, are you still asleep?”, you had heard of sleepwalking before, but this was a whole new level of weird.

“Nooo.”

Sensing that it was perhaps better not to argue with him, you laid down in your bed and tugged on his shirt to get him to join you, “Come cuddle with me then so I can go to sleep.”

Without further complaint, Mammon complied and curled up next to you, resting his head on your chest and wrapping his arm around your middle. It didn’t take him long at all to fall back asleep, leaving you even more certain that he must not have been fully awake to begin with.

————

After that, there weren’t any more unusual episodes with Mammon for awhile, so you had almost forgotten about the whole thing.

That is until one night when you had been just about to fall asleep, and a notification came thru in your DDD. Usually you would put your device on silent when going to sleep, but tonight you had been so exhausted that you forgot. So when the notification went off - it was LOUD.

Mammon immediately sat up, dazed.

“Sorry about that,” you said, turning the sound off on your DDD.

“Fin stis.”

“Huh?”

“Den sai tis id.”

“Mammon, I think you are asleep.”

“Noooo! Am not!!!”, Mammon replied, as he started to act like he was about to get out of bed. Concerned about the sort of trouble he could get himself in while in this state you tried your best to stop him.

“Mammon, where are you going?”

He didn’t answer, but at least he stopped trying to get up.

“I think you’re asleep. Please, don’t get up.”

“I’m not asleep!” he snapped. You were surprised by the tone of voice he was using with you. Yeah he was loud and yelled a bunch, but you had never seen him actually angry with you. Not wanting to provoke him further, you decide to drop the issue and try what had worked the last time this happened.

“Ok Mammon, then just cuddle with me.”

“Fine.”

“Yeah, just lay back down with me so I can sleep.”

There was incoherent grumbling from Mammon as he wiggled back under the covers, still clearly annoyed with you for accusing him of being asleep when he knew he wasn’t.

“We can talk in the morning. Just cuddle for now.”

Once he was laying down again, you cuddled up next to him and wrapped your arm around his waist, hoping it would at least give you some warning if he would try to get up again.

————

“Sooooo, Mammon. Do you remember last night?”

“Huh?” Mammon turned around to look at you from his seat on the floor by your bed. It was Saturday morning, and he was browsing Akuzon on his DDD, trying to decide what to buy with his latest modeling paycheck. You had been laying on your bed, “helping” him with his shopping by occasionally texting him suggestions that you found. They might not have been the most helpful suggestions, but at least they were making the two of you laugh.

“You yelled at me,” you said, turning off your DDD and turning your head to look at Mammon.

“Whattya talkin’ about?? Why would I yell at you??”

“Because I told you that you were sleeping.”

“You’re makin’ that up.”

“Mammon, have you ever had trouble with sleepwalking?” you were genuinely curious if perhaps some of the things he got accused of were the result of him wandering the House of Lamentation unconsciously in the middle of the night.

“Huh?! No! Of course not! What are ya trying to pull? Seriously, is this like a joke or somethin’?”

“No, I’m telling you - you got woken up by a notification on my DDD, and when I tried to get you to go back to sleep, you yelled at me.”

“There’s no way that happened. I woulda remembered it.” Mammon eyed you suspiciously. He was sure this had to be a prank of some sort, though he couldn’t for the life of him figure out what the punch line would be. Why were you being so insistent?

“Well it did,” you mumbled under your breath. If he was going to be so stubborn, you were just going to have to prove it to him. The next time - you were going to catch it on video.

————

Not wanting to wait until Mammon would have one of his “episodes” on his own, you decided you’d have to try to trigger one yourself. Based on your observations, you needed to wait until he was *just* asleep, and then wake him suddenly - either a moderately loud noise, or a forceful movement.

So the following night, you made sure your DDD was fully charged...and you waited.

It didn’t take long for Mammon to pass out. You had made sure he spent the day running around the Devildom taking you shopping, and doing other “date” things, just to wear him out. And since this was Mammon, it took a LOT to wear him out. If it wasn’t for the fact you were on a mission, you’d probably have nodded off yourself long ago.

You pulled out your DDD, turned on your camera to record video…and then delivered a swift kick to Mammon’s butt.

As expected, Mammon sat up almost immediately.

“Hey Mammon.”

“Mmmm?”

“Are you asleep?”

“Nooo,” he whined. You snickered at his response. This was going perfectly.

“I need you to do something for me in the morning.”

“Sure, whattttayaaa want?”

“Can you make me breakfast?”

“Sure.”

“So what are you going to do in the morning?”

“Everryyythinnnn.”

“Are you going to make me breakfast?”

“That’s part of everrryyythinnn’.”

By now you were having a difficult time maintaining your composure. You only just managed to keep your DDD steady enough to get a decent video. You hadn’t tried talking to Mammon this much the other times, and were surprised at how long he was able to keep this up. Seeing as you had nothing to lose, you decided to keep going.

“Can you say it for me in a complete sentence? What are you going to do in the morning?”

“Breakfast and bugggsss.”

“What?”

“Breakfast and bugggsss.”

“Bugs?”

“Yesh.”

“So one more time, what are you going to do in the morning?”

“Killlll everythinnnn’.”

That was apparently your breaking point, and you had to cover your mouth to stop the loud squeals of laughter that weren’t threatening to escape. This had gone far more perfectly than you ever could have imagined. There was no way he was going to be able to deny this now. Imagining how red his face would get as you showed him the video had you giggling even harder.

Pausing your recording, and safely tucking away your DDD, you decided that you had had enough fun for the night and that it was time to give poor Mammon a break and let him rest.

“Ok Mammon, will you come cuddle with me now?”

“Fiiinnneee,” he said, slumping down onto the bed and rolling over so he could snuggle up to your side. You really had exhausted him that day, so he deserved a bit of rest. Gently combing your fingers through his hair, you thought about how exactly you were going to make use of this video as you drifted off to sleep.

Based on this conversation with my husband -

[mammoney-honey]

Summoning Circles: What to Offer the Brothers GN!MC

MC doesn’t need to set up anything to summon them since they have their pact but sometimes its just nice to add a bit of drama. It’s also a good way to get the brothers to accept Just Because gifts. So what would would MC lay out as an offering for their favorite demon in their pentagram?

Lucifer

Lucifer is hard to get gifts for because hes a man of few words and fewer guilty pleasures

MC does their best to keep an eye out for things he does like and finally sets things up when they feel that Luci needs a bit of a break

They mostly offer things that would make for a good date night but with one small exception: special gourmet dog treats 

He won’t admit it, he says Cerberus is just a well trained guard dog, but that big boy gets only the best and MC knows that Lucifer will appreciate the gesture

The rest is all about setting the mood so Lucifer couldn’t possibly say no to staying

The first thing to accomplish this is the finest bottle of hellfire aged wine, a special request put through to Diavolo for whatever he thought Lucifer would like most

And to accompany a good drink you need some good food as well. A charcuterie board supplied with recommendations from Barbatos and Luke. The little guy should be called a mouse rather than a dog with how much he loves cheese. It took a long time for him to stop talking about it

One of the things that MC looks most fondly on of their time with Lucifer was quiet nights in listening and dancing to new music. They didn’t always share the same tastes but they were always willing to give it a go

So MC would find a vinyl, the only thing Lucifer would listen to the purest that he is, of their most recent favorite song or band so that they could share it with him

The last thing offered is that which Lucifer would want above all else as his own, MC

They can think of nothing else that would gain Lucifer’s attention more than offering their full and complete self. His pride could never allow him to deny taking MC when they offer themselves so willingly

He appears in full demon form, he can’t think of who would be ballsy enough to try and summon him and he has to pull back on his full power once he sees its MC

“MC, my dearest love, the pageantry is appreciated but overall unneeded. All you ever have to do is call my name, all I wish is to hear my name on your lips. But now that I’m here lets make sure you are screaming it”

Mammon

He is another one who is hard to gift things to but for the opposite reason as Lucifer. He likes too many things, wants everything and so it makes it impossible to tell what would actually mean something to him

MC tries their best to lay out things that will show how much they love and appreciate their favorite demon

Money of course is the first thing that is set out but not just spare Grimm or human cash

No, MC will put gift cards out for Mammon’s favorite places or for a date that they can have together. It feels more personal that way and they hope it shows that they pay attention to the things he likes

Mammon has a wardrobe to rival Asmo’s but he insists that it all has to do with his job as a model. Gotta keep up appearances and all that yanno. Hes just a label whore though and everyone knows it

He also just melts at the idea that MC might be thinking of what he would look good in so if they put out a new outfit or accessory, even if its just new sunglasses or a belt, he just about explodes

He will scoff and say that hes not sure if human styles are really his thing but of course puts whatever it is on quickly

Next would be a very special edition of the TSL dvds, a directors cut that even Levi couldn’t get his hands on. He has watched it with MC so many times he could practically recite it but they were always borrowing from Levi so it was about time to start wearing out their own copy

The last two things are more personal, something that shows just how much MC thinks of and misses being with him

The first of that is MC’s favorite set of pictures they took with Mammon, a silly photo booth strip that captured their first kiss. MC had surprised him on the first snapshot and it showed a progression of him getting redder and redder before finally kissing them back

Lastly is a page from their diary, as intimate an offering as they can possibly give. Its from a day where the longing for Mammon was at its strongest and filled with sweet words of how much they miss their first man

Mammon is freaked out at first thinking he is being summoned by another witch and is confused to see MC before taking it all in

“H-hey you don’t have to go through all this. I mean of course The Great Mammon won’t say no to the the things he deserves but ... b-but you only ever need to say my name, there is no where I’d rather be than with you”

Levi

Levi has a bad habit of just buying whatever he wants but considering that he has so many fandom’s its not hard to find some piece or another he doesn’t have 

MC feels like his brothers don’t give much thought to his gifts though, just typing in a name they know and getting whatever they find. They want to give him something more personal and can’t just be bought and shipped in two days

MC starts to watch a lot of craft, cooking and cosplay YouTubers to try and put everything together themselves. It felt more genuine that way at least to them

MC tries to keep things diverse, hitting a couple of Levi’s favorites but mostly avoiding anything Ruri related since they are afraid of messing it up lmao

Instead they focus on the anime’s and games that they watched and played together. Almost like a collection of inside jokes that they are using to summon him

The first thing MC sets out is a prettily decorated plate of macrons, doing their best to replicate the colors and flavors described in the one bakery time management game they always played

MC also went through Levi’s super secret fanfiction accounts I will fight you he is totally a fic writer because he has so many self inserts and fix it fics  and wrote out comments for every single thing he had written. They printed them out not because they didn’t think he read them but to show that they were the ones that left them

Along with the comments MC also created art for Levi’s most beloved OC, creating cute enamel pins of them in chibi form with the cannon character he paired them with

 The last two things came as a sort of combo, a couples cosplay from the romance anime they had watched together. The protagonist had been a shut in otaku who had found his soulmate when they were reborn into his world and Levi had latched onto him immediately 

It had taken a lot of blood sweat and tears trying to get both of the outfits cannon perfect but damn it MC was not going to settle for anything less

At one point they forgot they were making it for Levi and just got caught up in the the drama that was finding the perfect buttons and trim color

Overall they were so proud of the sewing skills they just wanted to call on him the moment they were done so he could see but they got a hold of themselves so they could set up what they had planned

Levi was summoned into the circle still wearing his headset and fingers tapping at a controller that had been left behind

His demon side comes out at having been cost a serious match from the sounds of it but his anger turns to confusion at seeing MC and then into wide eyed amazement at all of the things in front of him

He started to gush about every single thing he saw before he realized that MC was there beaming at him 

“You went through all this trouble to prove that you aren’t a normie and yet you summon me this way?? J-just say my name like you’re supposed to! I kind of like hearing you say it anyway ...”

Satan

Satan surprisingly doesn’t like being the center of attention and thus doesn’t really like surprises or receiving gifts. He also doubts that anyone understands him enough to give him what he wants cocky ass that he is

The idea for the things to set out in his summoning circle came to MC when discussing love potions with Satan and Solomon one day. They were talking about how smell plays such a strong part and Satan let slip some of the things he might smell after MC listed some of theirs

So while MC doesn’t have much, well any, experience in magic or potions they do want to try to stir up those feelings those smells produce in Satan

The first thing he had said came as a surprise to no one, the smell of parchment and ink

MC used each of them as their own separate offering on the pentagram. They used a fancy new calligraphy quill dipped in green ink that matched his eyes to write a long love note for him

The ink was still wet on the parchment that they set down and left the quill and remaining ink as the second gift

The next thing he mentioned was another one MC expected: tea leaves

So MC just walked into their local tea shop and let their nose lead the way. Anything that caught their attention or made them want to keep smelling they bought, creating their own special blend just for Satan

It wasn’t necessarily something that Satan would say for himself but MC had started to burn different candles in their room when he would come to rant when he was angry, trying to find a scent that he could associate with being calm when they helped him work through the anger

Whatever candle seemed to work the best is the candle that MC sets out for him. Probably something woodsy, pine or balsam or even sandalwood. It brings back good memories for MC, kissing all those worries of his away and hopes it does the same

The last item is one that made MC blush when they heard Satan admit it, he had liked the scent of their shampoo

He hadn’t said that specifically but he had closed his eyes and described a scent that he couldnt place but that he adored and when MC was taking their shower that night it clicked 

It might have been a little lame, leaving a bottle of shampoo out for Satan but MC knew that when he realized what that scent he loved so much was that he would get the cutest blush

They weren’t disappointed when they summoned Satan. He hid his shock of being summoned this way well, taking his time to walk around the circle and examine each offering. He immediately knew where they had gotten the inspiration and teased them about being such a sap

He stopped when he got to the shampoo though, not sure how that fit into the equation until he smelled it. It dawned on him and there was that blush that he tried to hide by turning his face away

“You always did like to make things difficult on yourself didn’t you? I’m only ever a call away for you kitten. Now come here and let me really breath you in, you’re simply intoxicating to me and I can’t stay away.”

Asmo

Asmo is never shy about when he doesn’t like gifts that people have given him but he has only ever cherished what MC has gotten him. Every small trinket and gift he has on full display in his room and he will wear something that MC got them when he misses them the most

He also will do it when he wants to bother his brothers and show off that MC simply lavished him in gifts (Mammon and Levi are the only ones who fall for it lmao)

So MC decides to offer Asmo things that will allow him to parade around their love for him, things to keep them close when MC isn’t there

The first thing that MC gets Asmo is new nail polish, a color that they agonized over finding because they wanted it to match his eyes perfectly

Asmo has a very organized planner, its how he keeps track of all the events he is invited to, when he has dates, who hes slept with, who hes going to sleep with and everything in between

MC commissions custom made stickers for him so he can decorate the pages of his planner even more. Specifically a whole sheet of cute stickers of them together he could use for when they planned date nights

The next thing was something for Asmo’s room which he was always changing and refreshing so it looked forever interesting for Devilgram pics

MC gets a large print of Asmo’s favorite picture of them together and puts it in a beautiful frame that perfectly matched his favorite decorating style. Perfect to show to the world that Asmo was their favorite demon and that they looked so good together

And so they can take even more pictures of themselves together MC buys a Polaroid camera for Asmo. His phone will always be his favorite thing to take pics on but this way they could have them printed instantly and it continues to let him be trendy

Lastly MC gets Asmo a necklace. A dainty rose gold chain that he can wear with practically everything and with a diamond accented heart shaped locket that could easily be tucked away if needed. It was an enchanted locket, thanks to the help of Solomon, and it warmed when MC was thinking of him

Its the first thing Asmo grabs and quickly puts on, showing it off for MC

“Oh MC you are simply the cutest thing I have ever seen~ I’m sorry I don’t have something to give you in return. I hope the fact that my heart beats only for you will make up for it, now come here I’ve been without kisses too long.”

Beel

Its SO hard not to just grab whatever is in the kitchen at the time and throw it in the summoning circle and call it a day for Beel

But he is more than just his hunger and MC is always striving to show him that they understand that 

It was harder than expected, just because asking anyone what Beel might want always got them food answers. They thought Belphie might be helpful but only got told “he probably just wants a nap ... its what I would want”

MC starts to think of all the most special moments they had with Beel, trying to think what about them made them so memorable and they knew for a fact that it wasn’t the food

The first thing they come up with is a banner that MC made to cheer him on at one of his games. It had gotten a little tattered and torn because it had rained that day but they just couldn’t let it go

Mostly because Beel after winning had ran up into the stands and kissed them for the first time. It wasn’t as if they hadn’t ever kissed but they had always been the one to make the first move but this time Beel had come to them. Of course in the biggest gesture possible

It was cheating a little bit offering a cookbook, it was still food related, but it felt better than putting in actual food 

This particular cookbook was special to MC too, they had spent several months trying to recreate one of the recipes from it down in the Devildom when MC didn’t have it. Even their D.D.D had been no help in finding the human world dish they were trying so hard to recreate

It had finally been Beel who had found someplace that sold the food they had been craving. He had even been able to bring it back completely untouched just so that they could have it all though he didn’t complain when they offered him several bites from their fork

MC pulls the next thing from their own shelves at home, a well read copy of Lord of the Flies. The spine cracked and little notes about their favorite parts scribbled in the margin

It was one of the human novels that Satan had and one of MCs favorites from school. Beel had caught them reading it and thought the title was ironic but the more he watched MC get engrossed in reading the more curious he got

He eventually asked MC to read it to him, he actually liked books even if most didn’t take him for the type it was just that he had a hard time actually reading himself. He always got distracted by food but audio books always worked well for him when he was working out, it turned out to be even better when MC read to him when he was eating

It was the best of both worlds for him and he found the story actually pretty funny, slightly worrying MC but they figured they couldn’t blame a demon for getting enjoyment out of a story like that. He did find their lack of food concerning though so at least there was that

One of the things that Beel often complained about when MC was living in the devildom was that when he went to go eat they weren’t always there. Sure Beel would ask them to tag along whenever possible but it didn’t always happen. He would call them from the kitchen at times and tell them that he missed them

MC was sure the other brothers would have something to say about it but knew that Beel would genuinely enjoy the next thing MC offered. Amagnet with his favorite picture of them. It was MC caught in a candid he took, mid bite in a dessert he had made them and his hand could just be seen wiping some whipped cream off MC’s cheek

It was a way that Beel could have MC with him at his favorite place every time

The last thing that MC laid out was something that was inspired by Beel. He had once given them a coupon for a free meal by him and they had thought it was just about the cutest thing ever

They made him a whole coupon book of favors ranging from cooking any meal he wanted to recording his workouts for him and of course lots of coupons for hugs and kisses

Beel isn’t used to being summoned at all so hes slightly disoriented when he finds himself suddenly in the human world. As soon as he sees MC though its nothing but smiles and he doesn’t even notice the gifts until after

“MC did you know I was thinking about you? Sometimes I just say your name and hope you will appear ... so if you ever think of me just say my name. I want to be here, even if its during dinner” 

Belphie

Belphie is not one to beat around the bush at all. He is a creature of habit and just wants more of the same things that he already has. Dont fix something if its not broke right?

So its fairly easy to fill his summoning circle with things that he loves, just adding to his ever growing collection of happy nap time things

That isn’t to say that MC just grabs whatever blanket or pillows they have laying around, they still want it to be special for him

So yes the first two things they offer to Belphie is a pillow and blanket, there was never going to be anything else but MC spent a long time putting their love into finding just the right ones for him ... and still couldn’t find what they wanted

MC used this as an excuse to create something themselves for their sleepy boy. They dived deep into youtube and pintrest and spent more money than they care to admit on materials until finally they made what they wanted

The first was a quilt large enough for three cause the twins like to make MC a sandwich in a cow print pattern that matched his pillow and demon form marks, lined with the softest fabric she could find that was the same purple as his eyes 

His pillow was another quilted design, this time of a cloudy night sky with a sleepy cow jumping over the moon. MC stitched his name in pretty gold thread on the back long with a sweet ‘I love you’

There was one last fluffy thing to give to him, this one MC knew he would probably scoff and tease them about but they couldn’t help it. They saw the angry looking cow plushie and just could not walk away 

They have actually been sleeping with it when they miss him most and even if he doesn’t like the plushie the fact they have slept with it so much will make him a bit fonder of it

Even though they were pretty sure that Belphie knew every star in the sky MC couldn’t help but get a book with stories about the constellations. He might already know them all but they thought that he might still enjoy hearing them read to him as he drifted to sleep

The last thing MC has to offer him is also star related. A star map of the day that they made their pact. It was the day that MC had fully forgiven everything that had happened before and their relationship had truly began

When Belphie was summoned he was half asleep but knew who it must be even in his sluggish state. He gave a big yawn and looked around at all the things around him 

“At least things are already set up for the perfect nap, including having you. MC next time just say my name alright? Its much more of a drag this way ... and I want to know when you are dreaming of me”

[keeptheotherone]

Mecation: Day 1 

Thursday

I once read social media described as an indulgence of the fantasy that others are interested in the details of our lives. I’m indulging in that fantasy this week by blogging about my Mecation under the guise of travel blogging ;)

If you follow me in even the most casual way, you know I’m a nurse. While I’ve enjoyed the vast majority of my 23 years as such, I don’t recommend it during a pandemic. The last 18 months have been the second-worst mental health period of my life, demoted to that position not because of the mildness of my symptoms but simply because at 15 I didn’t have the experience or perspective to realize my life was not, in fact, ruined forever.

COVID increased my personal vulnerability as a high-risk patient and made my job immensely more difficult in countless ways both small and large, but the worst part of the pandemic for me (so far) is it took away all my coping mechanisms precisely when I needed them most. Massage, pedicures, dinner out with friends, travel ... all gone practically overnight. Pre-COVID I travelled all the time--home to my parents’, long weekends by myself (Mecation!), annual visits to BFFs, conferences, tourism, the beach, my birthday, writing trips, international trips ... I always had at least one trip in the works, usually one booked and one (or more!) in the planning stages. 

When COVID started, all my close friends and family except for two lived out of state. One of those two was out of town but close enough to get together, but the other was a few hours’ drive away. I’m single and live alone; it was the most isolated I’ve ever been in my whole life. 

With my bestest friends over 500 miles away, I still feel that way sometimes. I haven’t seen them in a year. If it weren’t for COVID, it would only be 7 or 8 months (I’ve gone every January or February since ... forever). Then again, if it weren’t for COVID, I wouldn’t have been there last September; one had been hospitalized and I needed to see she was all right with my own two eyeballs. I expect it will be at least another 7 or 8 months before we get together again, bringing the total to about 20 months. One year we saw each other 5 times in 9 months, our personal best since college. 

I was alone on Christmas. Oh, I’ve spent December 25th on my own before; I’m a nurse. I’ve worked the night of the 24th or the 25th (or both), or whatever combination that didn’t leave enough time off to drive home. But I’ve never spent the Christmas season without my parents. Sometimes the week before, sometimes the week after, sometimes at my place instead of home, but always together. But last Christmas COVID was raging, the vaccines had just come out but were only available to first responders (I got mine on the 23rd), and my elderly parents didn’t feel safe to travel. So I spent Christmas without family.

Travel was not just a break from my daily routine and the stress of nursing; in many ways, the biggest benefit travel made to my mental and emotional health was giving me something to look forward to.  Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick,” and ohhh, I was so heartsick last year! Not being able to travel meant I couldn’t visit my best friends of almost 25 years (more than half my life!). Not being able to travel meant I couldn’t lean on my dad or be hugged by my mom. Not being able to travel--and not knowing when I could travel--left this gaping hole in my future, and I had nothing to fill it with. 

I tell you this not to throw a pity party but to explain the significance of the trip I’m on right now. It is only my third this year: my dad and I spent a week in the mountains in February (my depression and anxiety was so bad then that was treatment, not vacation), I took a friend to the beach over my birthday, and now I’m a couple hours from home at a nice spa hotel. (I’m not counting my nephew’s graduation, which was emotionally challenging for multiple reasons, or helping a friend move from Florida. Moving is never fun.)

I started planning this trip in the spring ... May, maybe? You know, after the vaccine rolled out to everyone and case counts were dropping and it looked like we were gonna lick this thing and have a quasi-normal summer by the Fourth of July (yes, I’m American. That date is a proper noun here.). I had switched jobs in November (don’t ask) and gone on mental health leave December 29th, so I felt I owed it to my unit to put in about six months of work before taking any significant time off, especially since I came back at 24 hours instead of 36. That meant September.

I knew what I wanted to do: 4 or 5 days at an all-inclusive resort in the Caribbean. I’d been before and loved the freedom of not worrying about every little expenditure (what can I say, I’m cheap), and a few days of Vitamin Sea sounded perfect.

Then came Delta.

All right, maybe going out of the country isn’t the best idea, I thought. Don’t want to end up with expensive reservations and then your destination closes to Americans, or you make it to your chosen island but can’t get back home. But I didn’t want to fly (ugh, airports!), I didn’t want to drive (rest stops and restaurants and gas stations), and while I thought about taking the train, it didn’t seem much of an improvement (and maybe a downgrade) on flying.

Then a friend mentioned a sleeper car, and I thought yes! That could work! I’ve never been to New England, I want to go to Boston, that area of the country has low case rates and the highest vaccination rates, this has potential! 

Then I looked at the CDC map. There were only four states that didn’t have high transmission at that time (early August, I think; I’d had to wait for confirmation that my time off had been approved): Michigan, Rhode Island, Maine, and New Hampshire. All four had substantial rates of transmission. Hardly ideal, but one thing I’ve learned this year is sometimes you have to make compromises to protect your mental health. It is true it doesn’t matter if you’re happy if you’re dead; it is also true it doesn’t matter if you’re safe if you want to kill yourself. (I’m not suicidal, I am receiving treatment, don’t anybody panic.)

So, now I’ve settled on Maine or New Hampshire by train via sleeper car (Michigan is too far for a 4-5 day trip and RI--meh). Well, as I got deeper into planning, turned out Maine or NH were awfully far too. Far enough I would have to overnight in a major city, which pretty much defeated the purpose of isolating in a sleeper car. Then I found out there were no sleeper cars on either train route.

So, now vacation is 5 weeks away and I’m back at square one. The Deep South, Texas, and Florida are imploding. Pediatric cases are rising--kids are sicker and make up a higher percentage of cases than they did last year. Scuttlebutt from my ICU colleagues is it’s bad--17/30 MICU beds are COVID and they’re all vented. SICU is being nicknamed “the ECMO unit.” The hospital has 18(!) ECMO machines and 12 are in use; the float nurse who tells us that didn’t even know we had 12 because she’s never seen that many in use at one time. Hospital-wide our numbers are equivalent to early February (we peaked in January). There were six--SIX--pediatric rapid responses in one day. 

And I’m going to travel.

It’s a big deal ... a big accomplishment, really, because of what it says about how I’m successfully managing my anxiety. April 1 was the first time I’d been inside a grocery store in more than a year ... and that wasn’t my idea. It was late April or May before I was comfortable eating in restaurants, even with the falling case count at the time. I’m still not sure if I’m managing my anxiety or reacting to the pressure by going to the opposite extreme (I have a history of that), but I know I’m less stressed, less anxious, have fewer obsessive thoughts, fewer physical symptoms, and am learning to live with this disease. 

So, here I sit at a marble-topped 5-foot-wide desk in my queen/queen hotel room at the end of a productive and enjoyable day. I slept in, completed the big goal of this weekend’s to-do list that I honestly thought would take several days, unpacked and organized my room (I arrived yesterday evening), reorganized my Favorites Bar and Bookmarks on my Mac, had an 80-minute aromatherapy massage, enjoyed a shower in the spa afterwards and even blow-dried my hair(!) before wandering around for a while to get the lay of the land and get some steps in (this place is huge!). Then I changed clothes and took myself out to dinner for my favorite food, Italian. 

That’s me in the picture up top, all dressed up :) Actually, I probably look pretty normal to y’all; like most people with depression, my personal hygiene sunk to new lows in the last year and a half, and as a low-maintenance person to begin with, that’s saying a lot. I bought that necklace as a bridesmaid and am not sure I’ve worn it since; this spring was her 10th anniversary. Yesterday I took out the cat-shaped earrings Dad gave me for Christmas. (Yes, they were gross. Yes, I cleaned them. Yes, I’m wearing them again now.) Just wearing a nice top, fixing my hair (no ponytail or claw-clip bun, my staples), and adding jewelry was a big deal ... especially since “no one” was going to see me. I did it just for me, to make myself feel good. And I did. (That’s another small pleasure COVID took away from me--lip gloss. If I wore any makeup at all, it was lipstick or gloss. Utterly pointless when you’re masked whenever you’re in public.)

I took my laptop to dinner and edited a couple chapters of my new Charlie/Amy fic (previewed during #ktoo turns 10), ran a couple errands, and headed back to the hotel since I don’t like to be out late by myself in an unfamiliar city. Forgot I put my receipt envelope in the backseat pocket and reorganized the glove compartment looking for it, then gathered a bunch of returns into a bag in the trunk. Hung out writing in the lobby until my Mac threatened to die, came upstairs and tidied up, put on my jammies, and talked to you guys :) 

[dessarious]

Guilt and Consequences Pt3

Okay, so I am still working on my other stories I just haven’t been able to get much down. I’m working a crap ton of overtime at the moment and I’m just fried when I get home. I’d say hopefully I’ll be more productive on the weekends but right now I’m working Saturdays and and Sundays are becoming catch up on sleep days. So sorry for the delays, but I’ll try to get back into a headspace where I don’t just want to pass out whenever I’m not at work. Oh and I think I got everyone tagged who asked but let me know if I didn’t or you want to be added.

AO3   Beginning   Previous   Next

The silence stretched on and Lila could only sit there. She knew the others were likely staring at her. Wondering what she’d done to make her mother react like that. She just wished she had an answer for them. Even before everything with the schools they’d never been close. Her mother pretty much only talked to her to tell her what she needed to improve. As the atmosphere became more and more uncomfortable Lila finally broke the silence.

“So… would you consider that a yes or a no?” More silence before M. Dupain cleared his throat.

“Marinette why don’t you go with Lila to pack an overnight bag? We’ll get dinner and some treats started. Is there anything you can’t eat or something you’d like to have?” It took her a moment to realize that last part was aimed at her. When she managed to look up his expression matched the gentle tone of his voice and she just got even more confused.

“No sir. I’m not picky.” Her mother rarely made it home to eat with her and even then it was always take out. She’d gotten used to left overs or eating whatever random things were in the house.

“Make sure to pack all your medications as well.” Madam Cheng’s voice sounded a little strange but when Lila managed to look up at her she wasn’t glaring and she didn’t look annoyed. She was definitely more stiff than she’d been before though.

“It’s okay if you don’t want me here anymore. I get it. Even offering is more than most people would have done in your situation.” She still had no idea why they did either. After everything that had happened to their daughter because of her they should be throwing her out, at the very least. The woman’s expression turned to one of motherly concern and it honestly made her more nervous. She couldn’t remember the last time someone had aimed that kind of look at her.

“You’re welcome here, anytime you need somewhere to go, as long as you stop all this lying. There are better ways to deal with your problems.” Lila could only hang her head and mumble another apology. While she agreed that the lying in this situation wasn’t a good idea, it normally didn’t backfire like this and she had tried other things first. Maybe it was different for other people. She heard the woman let out a frustrated sigh. “You two go on, we’ve got to finish closing up the bakery before we start on dinner.” She let Marinette pull her out of her seat and down the stairs. She was still too busy trying to understand what was happening to even consider arguing.

“Did your mom really put you on medication just to keep you in school?” She glanced at Marinette. There was no accusation in the question. More like she just couldn’t understand how someone could do something like that.

“Yes but I don’t take it. Well, except one of the anxiety meds every once in a while when I can’t sleep. As she said on the phone, she thinks I should be responsible for myself so she just assumes I’m actually taking them.” She hadn’t understood at first why her mother would work so hard to get the meds and then not bother to monitor their use. She’d come to the conclusion it was so that when the school finally called about her ‘behavioral’ issues she would have a paper trail to be able to sell them on the fact that Lila was just sick and needed special accommodations. That or she really didn’t think Lila would disobey her on this.

When they got to the apartment building Lila wasn’t really paying attention. She heard something that sounded like a cough but kept walking towards the elevator until Marinette tugged on her sleeve. When she looked over at the other girl Marinette motioned to the side and Lila saw three rather annoyed looking staff members.

“Guests have to be signed in.” She blinked at the woman who spoke, not really processing the words.

“I’m sorry, what?” The woman just rolled her eyes.

“This is a high security building Mlle. Rossi. All guests have to be signed in.” Oh, right. She vaguely remembered something about that from when they’d first moved in. She just had never actually brought someone home before.

“Sorry, I forgot. Umm… how exactly do I do that?” The woman just looked exasperated now, but the man behind the desk offered a smile and motioned them over. There was a clipboard on the desk and he handed her a pen.

“You just need to put your name, apartment number, and your guests name.” He pointed to each column in turn . She filled them out as he asked and handed the pen back. “Thank you Mlle. Rossi, have a nice day.”

“Thank you, you as well.” She could still see the disapproving look on the woman’s face as they continued to the elevator and couldn’t help but wonder how she still had a job if this was how she normally treated tennants. Personally she couldn’t remember any of the staff and didn’t really interact with them. Generally once she was in the building it was a habit to keep her head down and get to her room as quickly as possible. She’d found that the less interaction she had with people the fewer things her mother had to lecture her about. Her social interactions were always lacking in some way and she could never be certain what her mother would latch onto.

When they entered the apartment Lila noticed Marinette frowning as she looked around. She couldn’t really blame her after seeing her house. The apartment was clean bordering on sterile due to the service her mother had come in daily. There weren’t any personal touches either. No pictures, no nicknacks, nothing that said people actually lived here. She didn’t really think about it. It had been this way as long as she could remember.

“Your place is nice…” Lila actually grinned as she watched Marinette try to come up with something good to say about it. “Lot’s of natural light.” Lila let out a snort of amusement. The girl was the essence of cheerful and that was all she could come up with. It was a bit sad really.

“My room’s this way.” When they entered Marinette perked up immediately. Lila could only assume it was due to all the pictures on the walls since it was the only real difference between here and the rest of the house.

“Wow, these are amazing! Do you collect them?”

“They’re not that good. Just pictures I’ve taken to remember where I’ve been.” She liked taking pictures, especially of nature. She found it soothing and having something to look back on made her feel a little less disconnected. Marinette was staring at her in what looked like awe.

“You took all these?” Lila just nodded. “These are amazing! I’ve seen professional photographers whose work doesn’t look this good.” Even knowing Marinette was just being nice, Lila couldn’t help but bask in the complement for a moment. But only for a moment.

“So what exactly should I be packing? I’ve never done the whole sleepover thing before.” Suddenly Marinette was looking at her like she’d kicked a puppy and she couldn’t figure out why.

“You’ve never had a sleepover? Ever?” Lila just shook her head. Wasn’t that what she’d just said? “Oh my gosh! We have so much to make up for. Obscene amounts of junk food and games and movies and makeovers and ghost stories and-” She just kept going. Lila had no idea what she was rambling about and it didn’t answer her question at all. Marinette finally paused to take a breath and she was able to break in.

“Okay, but what should I actually pack?” Marinette paused to think it over. The expression on her face seemed far too serious for such a common question.

“Your most comfy pajamas, whatever you want to wear tomorrow, and a toothbrush. I’ll take care of everything else.” Well that sounded slightly ominous. Regardless, she packed what she was told along with all her medications. Dumping those in the bag got a strange look from Marinette, but she wasn’t certain why. Maybe it was just how many there were. In less than ten minutes they were back out on the street, headed towards the bakery.

“Lila!”

“Shit.” She said the word under her breath as she looked behind her. Of course it would be Alya. They’d been on the street less than five minutes, only her luck could be that bad. She tried to use her body to block Marinette but she wasn’t quick enough. Alya’s expresion turned sour as she tried to reach around Lila.

“I thought we made it clear that we wouldn’t tolerate you bullying Lila anymore!” Lila grabbed the girls wrist before she could grab or slap Marinette. That stunned her enough to let Marinette get some space.

“You touch her again I’ll break the offending appendage.” Lila didn’t recognize her own voice in that deep threatening tone, but Alya just rolled her eyes.

“This is why we didn’t tell you what we were doing. You’re too nice and let people like her get away with anything.” She wanted so badly to just slap some sense into the girl but honestly she didn’t think it would work.

“I’m not nice, and you’ll find out exactly how not nice if you don’t stop harassing Marinette.”

“But if we don’t do something she’ll just keep bullying you!” Lila could only sigh. How many times was she going to have to have this conversation.

“Marinette is not now, nor has she ever bullied me. Which I already told you.” Alya let out a patient sigh, like she was explaining something simple to a small child. Yeah, someone was going to get hit before this conversation was over.

“She’s constantly calling you a liar and trying to turn everyone against you. Why would she do that?” Yep, the kindergarten teacher tone was definitely a good way to piss her off. Lila, of course, defaulted to sarcasm.

“Oh gee, I don’t know maybe because I was lying?” Alya looked like she was about to argue but Lila just kept going. “If you had bothered to look up literally anything I said you would know that.”

“An absence of proof is not proof of absence.” It took a minute for the words to penetrate as Lila was just getting even more annoyed by Alya’s self righteous tone but when they did she had to stop herself from lunging at her.

“Are you saying that you looked up my claims, found absolutely no proof and still took my word over Marinette’s?” Her voice was soft, more because her throat felt like it was closed in rage than anything else.

“There wasn’t any proof that you were lying either.” Alya’s smug tone finally snapped something inside her.

“Have you lost your damn mind?! Jagged stone has said in multiple interviews that he doesn’t even like cats. And in what universe would my mother’s PR team not have it in the news that I do charity work? She’s a public figure Alya, anything that can make her look good would have press releases for days. That in and of itself proves that I was lying.” The girl seemed to ponder this for a moment before she sent a glare to Marinette.

“What did you threaten her with to make her agree with you?”  Knowing that she’d been right about who Alya would blame for this was a small consolation.

“Lila you need to calm down.” Marinette’s voice was soft, soothing even but she was in no mood to pay attention.

“I will not calm down! This wanna be reporter couldn’t find the truth if she fell into a river of it. You should consider a career in fiction by the way since anyone with journalistic integrity will simply laugh you out the door.” Alya was still glaring at Marinette, like all this was her fault. What was wrong with people? Marinette actually grabbed her arms and forced Lila to face her.

“Please. You really need to calm down. Just breathe with me okay? You don’t want to get Akumatized again.” Those words acted like ice water. Yes, this was beyond stupid, but it wasn’t worth that. She calmed her breathing as Marinette asked but made sure to keep a line of sight on Alya as well. There was no telling what someone like her would do at this point.

“We should head back to your house, your parents will start to worry.” She had no idea if that was true or not but she hoped it would get Alya to back off. Pretty much everyone agreed that Marinette’s parents were great people, but they were also scared shitless at the thought of pissing them off. After their talk earlier she understood why. It did the trick too. Alya mumbled something about finding out what kind of dirt Marinette had on her so Lila could stop pretending she’d been lying as she left at a brisk walk. She’d read about willful ignorance but she’d never expected to encounter it to this degree. She was starting to hope it did have something to do with Hawkmoth, but considering some of the things people were willing to believe she wasn’t very optimistic.

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[1234-waystodie]

The Israeli-Palestine conflict

*for the disclaimer - this message was written by an Israeli citizen who is following what happens in Gaza closely from news all over the world*

Thank you for reading this message. I will start with the fact that I’m not going to refer to the start of the conflict (who the land belongs to, who was here first) because it’s not relevant to the point that I’m trying to get to. This message talks about the present-day - Israel is a state, Gaza is not. Israel is a democracy, Gaza is being controlled by Hamas, a terrorist organization. Those are facts and you can look them up at Google if you don’t believe me. Okay so - let’s talk about the present conflict, “Shomer Hachomot”. It all started with what happened in Jerusalem. Frankly, I’m not going to get into this either because you can look at this both ways but I will say this - nobody shot anybody just because they were in a certain place. Jerusalem is a very complicated story and I’ll admit I didn’t really dig about what happened there. The fact is that after what happened in Jerusalem a group of Israeli-Arabs radicals who lived their whole life in peace with their neighborhoods, Israeli-Jews, made violent acts across the mixed cities (Lod, Ramle, Jerusalem, Haifa)... Cities that just a couple of days before were safe and happy for both sides became war zones - Arabs (again, radicals, there are a lot of Arabs that are against the way others act) lit things on fire, broke things across the city, tried and killed a citizen that was on his way home and made a lot of damage both to the city but more importantly to the trust of their neighborhoods who did nothing wrong.

Just for those who don’t understand how bad things got - my father bought a week before everything went down in Ramle meat from a nice Arab man who gave coffee and a warm welcome as my father was new to his shop. I used to get into Umm al-Fahm, An Arab village, to buy stuff. Now people are afraid to walk the street - a jew that lived all his life in that mixed city was killed when he drove through it, people broke his window, took him out of his car and hit him with a brick to his head and he died. Murdered.

So, as “support” Hamas started firing rockets from Gaza to Israel and that’s how “Shomer Hachomot” - the current operation started. Now, the drill is this - Hamas is firing rockets at the citizens of Israel. Israel tells them to stop and if they don’t they fire in Gaza and that’s the part you need to read closely. 

Israel is not firing at civilians. It’s a fact and if you don’t believe me you can look at videos such as https://www.facebook.com/ynetnews/posts/10159905254995572 Translation: “Check if there are any children here.” “There are kids here, they are moving fast.” “Wow, we think there are kids here. We are stopping this.” “Right? there is a big one and a couple of small ones.” “We are suspecting that there are kids and we will not do it, we wouldn’t risk their life.” “Yes.”

So, why Israel was planning to fire in that place in the first place? Simple this is the point that I feel that most of the world doesn’t understand. When Israel fires at Gaza it doesn’t aim at civilians. Hamas is firing missiles and building headquarters where the civilians are so when Israel will come and kill Hamas members the citizens will be in the crossfire as well and then they would say “Israel is killing civilians!” 

Now you would say “this is not an excuse they are still firing at civilians!” Wrong. 

Israel is giving a couple of hours’ notice before they are attacking a building with civilians in it. Just a couple of days ago a big news tour was brought down - one of the reporters, from the Gaza side, who worked there wrote a breaking story about how they got a short notice, about how he couldn’t get most of the things he holds dear out. About how people that are leaving there are homeless. What he ‘forgot’ to say was that the building was the headquarters of Hamas, and they were the target of this Israeli raid. All the citizens by the way are well and alive because, as I said, Israel always tells beforehand so that people wouldn’t get hurt. 

A couple of days ago we saw the picture and video of a young girl (6) that was rescued from the distraction of her home after an Israeli raid destroyed a building close to hers. Tragic. Again what the media left out was that Hamas build tunnels underneath the city so he could hide from civilians and Israelis alike and when Israel destroyed a building that was related to Hamas the tunnels underneath collapsed which, unexpectedly, led to homes of innocent civilians collapsing as well - hence what happened with this 6-year-old. Israel doesn’t want innocent civilians to be killed and there was no way to know this would happen - a thing that Israel by the way said and apologized for as it was not planned to happened.

I don’t remember when but sometime in this operation a rocket that was fired from Gaza and was supposed to lend in Israel landed in Gaza and killed kids. Do you know what the media in Gaza did? That’s right kids - they took pictures and posted that Israeli rid killed those kids. Because that’s easy to blame the enemy when the whole world thinks it’s their fault anyway so why not make things worst? Another point that makes people hate Israel is the Iron Dome. Fewer people in Israel are getting killed because of that - for those who don’t know what the Iron Dome is, it’s “is a mobile all-weather air defense system[8] developed by Rafael Advanced Defense Systems and Israel Aerospace Industries.[7] The system is designed to intercept and destroy short-range rockets and artillery shells fired from distances of 4 kilometers (2.5 mi) to 70 kilometers (43 mi) away and whose trajectory would take them to an Israeli populated area.[9][10]” (taken from Wikipedia)

That is the face of Israel - defend and protect citizens while Hamas is doing everything he can to attack Israeli citizens without thinking twice about the life of people in Gaza.  

Funny story, did you know that Israel gives Gaza food, fuel, electricity, medicine, aid, money, and far more? Every month? Yes, taxes from people like me and my friends go to Gaza to help them. My money goes to help Gaza citizens, my government tries to help Gaza citizens and it’s been happening for the last 20 years.

Now let’s talk about what happened world-wild. When things are bad for Israel do you know who the rest of the world blames? Jewish people. Notice how from anti-Israeli the hate became to be anti-Semite. In London, my favorite place on earth, people called out to “rape all the Jewish girls.” In Montreal people are looking to find Jewish houses to attack the people in the house, my friend told me that she knows a girl our age that is afraid to go out of the house. They called a mutual friend of hers who is Christian to threaten her if she doesn’t give them her location so they could hurt her friend. Only a month ago a citizen from my city was murdered in the US for being Jewish. He was there to celebrate the wedding of his family and was murdered. For being Jewish. 

Believe me when I say that non of the citizens of Israel are happy for how people in Gaza are suffering. It’s awful. But, and it’s a big but, it’s not Israel’s fault it’s Hamas. So yes, #freeGazafromHamas is the hashtag that needs to go around, it doesn’t have to be Israel VS Gaza, us or them, life if not black and white, it needs to be #IstandwithIsrael while also saying #freeGazafromHamas. 

To sum up - please read more than one source and don’t believe everything that the media is saying. I know it became a trend to hate Israel because a lot of celebrities see what’s on the media and decided not to question anything and hate a country that is just trying to protect itself. And please, god please, stop hating Jewish people who have nothing to do with what happens in the middle east. If you have any more questions or if you want to make a civil conversation you can always write me <3

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

A Man, a Woman, and a Child (Sriracha, Part 23.)

Description: A problematic college student gets the worst summer job of the ‘83 - Jim Hopper, the Chief of police in your hometown will have you as his secretary since his old lady Flo has two months lasting holiday. It was agreed so Hopper could let you far away from all the trouble.

Part Summary: Each one of you slowly starts to get a hold on the new family life you had to face. You even slowly stopped being angry with Hopper, which was the best possible outcome.

A/N: So, here, have some nice, sweet fluff before the angst takes over the next chapter.

Word count: 5.3 K 

Tagging: @nemodoren​, @creedslove​

Master list: H E R E

It was a really slow process, to bond with Eleven in the way you did and wanted to. Not that you had some bad blood or whatever, you just really meant the thing with slow steps at a time. She was important to Jim, so there first needed to be some trust built before you could move on to become friends or something more. 

And both of you really tried - you both put time into it, you cooked together and cleaned up the place together with Jim. While he was more of a Jim Croce guy, you brought along an old vinyl your granny gave you. It was the I Was Wondering / Where Evil Grows vinyl by the Poppy Family and you loved the second song particularly because it was somehow... You just never heard a song like that before.

When she heard it for the first time, she was mesmerized. This was certainly something way different than Jim’s guitar ballads - it was sung by a lady and it was free and there were so many sounds that shouldn't get along the way they did, but it sounded really good in the end. She still liked Nena and other pop artists you were playing better, but she watched as you two started to dance in front of her, singing the song by heart.

Your grandma loved it.

Hopper soon joined you with his completely outdated dance moves and Eleven just sat there on the chair, watching as he gently held your waist and how you giggled when he spun you a bit too fast. Suddenly, you came to her, taking her hand to yours, leading her to the improvised dancefloor as well. First, she was almost too freaked out from watching you two making complete fools out of yourself, but you made her move in the end.

And she loved the song ever since, listening to it when either of you was in the cabin with her, trying to dance to it. It was a bit groovy, but she liked it.

As time passed, Jim got less and less cautious about you spending time with them at the cabin, occasionally letting you stay throughout the whole weekend. It was a bit weird, being around the whole two days, watching how did they spend their time - but then Jim started to make you anticipate what was happening - like playing card and board games, the big cleaning up happening on Sunday and sometimes just... Talking.

And the first sign of you and Eleven breaking the ice came by pretty soon - she wanted to read you a bedtime story again. Jim was standing behind the door from the start, ready to step in if Eleven has some questions at you.

But she never did. She was just enjoying your presence - since you were a woman and you were giving her the feeling of having an actual mother figure around.

Slowly, Jim allowed you to teach Eleven some actual English so she wouldn't speak in words only. You decided to teach her the basic phrases first - like saying hello and good morning, teaching her when to say please and to thank the person afterward. She was a fast learner - in the nights, she caught your palm, leading her to her room as she said goodnight to Hopper, kissing his beardy cheek, making you do the same. If she had to behave and learn things, you both had to learn alongside her, mirroring the things you taught her.

She was interested in the girly things as well - when you were putting some light make-up in the morning, she always watched the whole process - she watched the way you put mascara on your eyelashes and some lip balm. You always made sure to give her some as well, making her giggle every time since it was such a strange feeling.

But the thing Eleven was most amazed by was when you decided to do yourself some hairstyle. It could be only a quick ponytail or bun, or an intricate French braid; she watched every move with pure amazement. Her mouth was opened up and her eyes were shining when she watched you.

Just as you were becoming a huge part of Eleven's life, and Jim's as well, some boundaries need to be set straight - Jim talked with Eleven, telling her that you can't know anything about the Lab, the Demogorgons, her powers, the gate... You had to be blind around these things. It wasn't that Jim didn't want to tell you - he made it so he could keep you safe.

The fewer people knew about what happened, the better - and Jim didn't want to put you in such a dangerous position. You were aware that Eleven is a secret and you never talked to anyone about her. Nobody in the town knew, except Flo and you, where does Jim live or what's he doing there. You made sure not to tell anyone.

One weekend, it was the third weekend of you staying in the cabin, a huge box in the middle of the living room surprised you. You stood there, it was around noon, watching both Eleven and Jim. She was excited and you could see that, yet you were partially scared about their surprise.

"Okay, what do you two have for me here, hm?" - You asked and put your sports bag down to look at the box. Eleven looked at Jim and he nodded, allowing her to tell you.

"A surprise." - El tapped the top of the box with her fingers, thinking about what to say next. She was slowly getting better and better - she could at least sometimes speak in whole sentences when she was in the mood. - "A promise." - She looked you in the eyes and you nodded, kneeling to look into the box.

"I am a man of my word, you know?" - Jim kneeled down next to you as well, helping you with the unpacking. You were looking at a serious lot of planks and wood, small and big screws and nails... Was it the bed he promised you? You smiled at him, shaking your head as you laughed silently.

"A bed. Wow. I'm honored, Mr. Hopper." - You whispered. You wanted to kiss him, badly. You wanted to catch his jaw in your palm and just give him a smooch. But that would be way out of boundaries. Jim asked you about keeping this more affectionate behavior out of Eleven's presence - you were allowed to suck the hell out of him in the town, you could get lost in his quiet humming in the bedroom but when Eleven could see you in action, you could barely touch him.

Holding hands and occasional cheek kisses were okay, but nothing more.

"I thought we can build it together, you, me and El. As a family, if you will." - He said quietly when Eleven ran off to fetch his screwdrivers and hammer. That caught your attention - you turned your face to him, standing up.

A family. He never talked about you as a family. Eleven was his family and you were his family, but separately. Not as a whole. This was the first time he called you family as a whole since he knew you would be quite comfortable with hearing such a thing at that moment. He also had a thing planned out you didn't yet know about, that was for sure.

"Are you for real?" - You whispered, hugging his waist with one of your arms. The man hugged your shoulder back and nodded, looking a bit... Softened. The man next to you softened just like that. Eleven just smiled when she saw you hugging in the living room, putting the things Hopper needed down on the ground.

You spent a whole day building that bed in the bedroom, which you made Jim clean up when you were gone. Any of you didn't know what the hell you are supposed to do with it, but Jim put in his best efforts. Eleven was running around with the smallest screws and nails - she clearly didn't know what's that for, so you waved at her, inviting her to sit down between your knees as you both watched Hopper mumbling various curse words. She held it in her palms and laughed at the sight of mildly infuriated Hopper. For an unknown reason, she caught your arm and made you hug her even tighter.

It took a hell of a long time, but at nine p.m., the construction was ready. The bed was looking really nice - it was modern and looking fresh. Eleven has fallen asleep around half past eight in your arms. More or less, Hopper had built the bed all by himself and when it was finished, he picked up Eleven and brought her to her bed, tugging her in. While Hopper had been gone, you picked up the rest of the things that hadn't been used anywhere. Which was kind of scary; you trusted Hopper, you did, but these things were meant to be mantled somewhere in the bed.

You were worried that it just breaks down under you in the middle of the night and it was a rather scary thought creeping in your mind.

"Nice bed you have here, mister." - You said when he came back into the room, cleaning up the last tools laying on the ground. - "But where's a new mattress? You still kept the one where we both barely fit."

"I got you a bed, the rest will come with time." - Hopper hummed back and you nodded with a bit closed eyes. Sure. He just forgot again, didn't he? That was typical Hopper. - "The clerk told me it doesn't creak. What do you say about that?" - Hopper sat down and put his elbows on his knees. The bed didn't make a single sound. And it hadn't broken down either.

"And what should I take our of that?" - You put your hands on your hips and walked a few steps closer to him teasingly.

"That the bed doesn't make a sound." - He rose his eyebrows and you came just in front of him, so close that he could touch you. And he indeed put his hand on your thigh. You almost didn't remember how passion felt. Hopper hadn't touched you in ages, except occasional eating out session, which was so rare, that you couldn't grasp any feeling out of that.

He hadn't been inside you in months. Literal months - in December, January, and February, he wasn't there at all. Most of March, you spent with El and stayed overnight only occasionally. And when you did, you slept either on the couch or you slept next to him, but you acted like five-year-olds. If there was an actual chance to get it on when Eleven was asleep, you were up for it. You were horny as hell when you thought about it. Just as a couple of teenagers.

"And do you want to show me by any chance, big guy?" - You asked and ruffled his hair a bit, tugging it playfully. Hopper leaned you in, so he could bury his face into your belly.

"Dear God, you don't even know how much I've thought about showin' you how quiet is this new bed. Take 'em off, come on." - He looked at you. You took a quick breath in and listened to the quiet house for a little longer before you started to tugged your sweatpants down a bit. Immediately, you could feel his fingers putting your t-shirt a bit up. - "You're goin' to be the death of me, baby, I swear." - He mumbled and kissed a small way between your boobs. It was a wet trail leading down, just a small bit above the hem of your panties. You didn't even realize that your eyes are closed, that your breath is heavy and that you're ridiculously wet under the panties.

You realized once he stopped and the trail of kisses coldened since he stopped with the kissing. You smiled when you saw him looking at you with an adoring look. Jim was looking at you like he had never seen a naked woman before. Let alone seeing you naked.

"What are you after, Jim Hopper?" - You whispered with a smile and sat down on the bed, tugging his hips between your spread legs, slowly laying down. - "What on Earth are you after?"

"You're speakin' about me like I'm a goddamn mystery, are you okay?" - James asked while he however about above you with a sweet smile on his lips.

"I always wanted to tell you that you're a mystery and so fucking full of trouble." - You moaned and unbuttoned his shirt quickly. Hopper wanted to tell you something, but you pressed your lips onto him to shut him up. - "But that's exactly what made me fall in love because nothing is turning me on than trouble, you idiot." - You smiled and moaned into his lips and let the night carry you both on the same wave.

Jim had to leave the cabin for two whole days after that, so you took a small holiday off from your job and college so Eleven wouldn't stay alone. She was in pure wonder. Hopper never stayed there on weekdays - he always left early in the morning and came at 8-1-5. Now, you were there, for the whole time.

She could come to you, talk to you, ask you about things, watch movies with you and listen to music with you. And she loved every while of it because she didn't have to alone. She loved it when you just hugged her suddenly or smoothed her shoulder. Or when you both sat above an opened book - it was quite interesting to learn new words and read new books with you.

The evening before Hopper was supposed to get back, you were reading Eleven a bedtime story about the bear family. This time, it didn't seem to calm Eleven down in any way - this time, it seemed that it brought her more questions than answers.

"Okay, sweetheart." - You suddenly closed the book and furrowed at her a bit. She opened up her big eyes even more than before, watching you. The bedtime story wasn't over, why were you speaking to her?

"What's going on inside your head, hm?" - You smoothed the tip of her nose with your finger and smiled. - "You're thinking about something. What's that about?"

Eleven shook her head a bit and you nodded understandingly. - "So, if you tell me what's wrong, I'll get you an Eggo, will that make you talk?" - You smiled even more wickedly, raising your eyebrows at her. Her lips put on an even bigger smile and she nodded. - "Go on, then."

"I'm thinking about mom." - She said quietly and you stiffened for a second. This was a tricky situation, per se. She gave you her hand when you offered him yours. You held it tightly.

"And what with moms are you thinking about?" - You asked after you watched Eleven looking at your palms for a second. She took a long breath in, thinking about the answer.

"Hopper told me that I have a mom. I asked." - She looked you in the eyes and honestly, you were a bit scared about what was coming your way. She was tearing up a bit as she tried to think about the sentence that she wanted to say next. - "Who is she?"

You had no answer to her question, but you didn't want to see her cry. She was too precious for any of that bullshit. She had Jim and you, she was yours just as you were hers. That's what was going on.

But unfortunately, even Eleven had to have a mom somewhere. You didn't know who or where she was, you had no idea what happened between her and someone that was so drastic that she had to leave Eleven. You couldn't explain any of this to that girl even if that was what you'd like to do the most in the whole world.

"Don't cry. Come on." - You whispered and held her hand even tighter for a small moment. - "You have nothing to worry about now, okay?" - You rose her gentle palm to your lips and kissed it gently. She gave you a terrifying look and after a small while, she nodded.

But then the biggest shock of the whole evening came. She just spilled the question out as if nothing was happening. It came all of a sudden.

"Are you my mom?" - Eleven asked abruptly. You furrowed and licked your lips, looking that child in her eyes. This was such a hard question to answer without being on one side of the whole thing. You were taking care of her for the last month and a half. Of course, you had some feelings for her that could be described as motherly. You weren't the one to answer this question, yet you did.

You nodded and smiled, smoothing her palm with your fingers. She had such small, gentle palms. - "Yes, baby, I'm your mom." - You whispered. What were you doing? What on Earth were you doing? You weren't her mom. She had a mother somewhere out there.

Yet, you got up and brought her the frozen Eggo you promised her before climbing on the bed next to her, hugging her and bringing her closer next to you. She fell asleep this time in no time at all, gently snorting into your shoulder, she hadn't even eaten the Eggo.

You fell asleep next to her, holding her in your arms. Hopper almost melted at the sight, when he arrived home the other day, bringing the new mattress with him. His girls were safe and well, just as he hoped for. But unfortunately, Hopper opening the door had woken you up.

"You're home already?" - You mumbled and gently let her go to get up from the bed. - "I think the bedtime story had brought me some sleep as well." - You giggled and closed the door behind both of you. Immediately, you went for a sleepy hug, since you missed his scent and tall body next to yours, before tugging his shirt to kiss him.

"How were things going here?" - Hopper asked and let you go to start brewing the morning coffee. In the meantime, you brushed your teeth and combed your hair.

"It was fine. We finished the animal chapter in that book she has, had cooked something, watched movies... It was nice. But she did something I didn't expect." - You mumbled and took a mug full of coffee out of his hands.

"What happened?" - Hopper asked with horror in his voice. Did Eleven said something weird that freaked you out? Did she did something that manifested her powers and you noticed it? Did you know the secret?

"Calm down, it's just a... It's a really important thing for me. She asked me if I'm her mom." - You said and looked him in the eyes. That wasn't as bad as Hopper expected, but obviously, it was emotionally important to you.

"She did?" - Hopper exhaled slowly. The relationship between you and Eleven was growing strong. Now, he believed it. It was natural that you got more closer to her than Jim from a different point of few. But he at the moment he really understood how deep that relationship went in a month only. - "And what did you tell her?"

"What should I tell her, Jim? I took care of her for the last month, she's a little girl that needs a warm hug and a bit of love. Of course, I told her that I am her mom." - You looked him in the eyes and held his palm in yours. You knew he's worried out of his mind for both you and her. But there wasn't anything to be worried about. - "Hey. Don't you give me this look, Jim? I'm serious with you and her. And to be honest, if you're her dad than I can take the role of her mom. It's my only remaining option if I want to stick around."

"You could say no." - Hopper answered and caught your palm once again. You shooked your head and smiled a bit.

"I couldn't, Jim. She was crying and vulnerable, which made me soften as well." - You explained quietly and Hopper nodded. He knew that he can believe you. You weren't a liar and you didn't mean to stick around, you would be far gone at the moment. You meant every word you said. That was when Hopper finally made his decision. It was a now or never situation.

"Do you think you can stop at the station after you're done at the college on Monday?" - He looked you in the eyes and you rose your eyebrows playfully.

"A quickie in the bathroom? Exciting and adventurous, we never have done this." - You answered back and drank the rest of your coffee. Hopper chuckled at the thoughts about what you just put on the table. - “I need to go now, we’ll be helping grandma move around some furniture today. See you on Monday, then?” - You took the already packed bag out of the bedroom. Jim nodded and watched your car leave the driveway.

When he got up on Monday morning, he spent way more time in the bathroom than he usually did - which, accompanied by You Don't Mess Around With Jim, didn't escaped Eleven's attention.

“What are you doing?” - She asked and pushed her head into the door of the bathroom and watched Jim trimming his beard. He was acting weird and she could sense it right away.

“What do you mean, kiddo?” - He asked back with half of his face covered in shaving cream. She pointed at him, raising her eyebrow slightly.

“Not normal.” - She mumbled and waited for an answer, but left the room once she figured out that she most likely won't get any. She watched him while she ate breakfast. There was something off as he put the short-sleeved uniform on. He was nervous and sweaty. Could something go wrong with you? Were you all alright? Jim made Eleven really nervous.

“I'll be back here, as usual, kiddo, clean up the place, alrite?” - He looked at her when he put the typical hat on. Eleven looked into her bowl before nodding again. - “Stay safe.” - He mumbled and closed the door. Eleven went to the door and locked it behind Hopper, looking at the empty cabin once again.

Let's say that Hopper could concentrate for shit the whole day. Everyone thought that maybe something went wrong with you or something like that. Powell even told him to stay at the station for the sake of it, venturing out to look at old Henderson’s garden and his ever going missing gnomes. It was half-past ten when he called the Melvald’s.

“Jeffrey on the line, Melvald’s general store, Hawkins, what can I do for you?” - A voice of a young man answered with a clear fuck-off manner, but Jim just ignored that.

“May I speak to Joyce? Is she there?” - Hopper asked and listened to the bits of conversation going on while Jeffrey was giving Joyce the phone.

“Hopper, what’s going on?” - She asked with a lighthearted tone. Hopper bit his lip and exhaled loudly, leaning into his chair. - “It’s here?” - She asked.

“It's here.” - Hopper said nervously and Joyce walked further away from her colleagues.  

“Come on. You should relax, it's going to be fine. You're already doing great.” - She tried to calm him down, but Hopper just exhaled again.

“No, Joyce, this is not goin’ good. What if she says no? And what the hell I'm supposed to tell her?” - Hopper looked in front of himself and waited for anything that Joyce was about to tell him.

"Look, Hop, do you want me to help? I think I can help you with all of this. The first thing you need to do is to calm down. You're panicking a bit too much." - She laughed from the other side, telling Hopper to light up a cig, take a pen and a piece of paper.

You came by around two p.m., walking into the building with a bag over your shoulder. You were looking healthy and just fine, so no-one really knew why Hopper was so out of the world. Could there be something else wrong? We're you pregnant or severely ill? Were you about to die in a horrendous death? No matter what happened to you, everyone was watching you as a saint.

"Am I dirty or something?" - You mumbled to Flo, watching Powell and Callahan watching you. You furrowed at the two boys, putting the cake you brought them on a small cabinet under the window. She just shook her head, still watching every move you made.

"What have you do with him?" - Powell joined you on your way to his office. You were even more confused than before.

"Is something wrong with him?" - You asked worriedly and let Callahan join you as well on the way to Jim’s office. Both of the men were suspiciously staring you down.

"You tell us. He's on the edge of breaking down the whole day." - Callahan muttered out and jumped when Hopper suddenly manifested in front of the small hall leading into his office. Both of them nodded to Jim and turned around to go back to their desks.

"Shall we?" - Jim said with a stiffed smile and sent a rather unpleasant look to his colleagues. You looked at the colleagues as well, being completely terrified of Jim. He rearranged his beard, you could smell cologne and he certainly has done something to his hair.

“You're freaking me out, Jim. Why did Callahan and Powell act as if I was supposed to be rolled over by a car or dead? And why do you wear cologne?” - You closed the door behind you and sat down into the plushy chair. Hopper did look like he's about to break down in front of you and you were a bit freaked out.

You could see him looking at a piece of paper with word chaotically written all over it - Jim was about to tell you something, obviously, so you straightened up and listened with a blush on your cheeks. This man was certainly something else as far as you could say.

“I don't have an idea of how should I start.” - Jim looked at you with panic in his face, clearly being even more freaked out than you. You nodded and waited for what he wanted to tell you. - “But I know that I don't want to lose you.” - He looked at you and you nodded. This was just weirdly going uphill and downhill.

“You are not losing me.” - You said with a smile. Was all of this about Eleven again? You swore to God that if he's about to do some of his jealousy theatrics, you're out of the office in the next second.

“Let me say, we had a wild start. And I still don't believe it’s nine months since it all happened.” - He looked at you from his paper suddenly, making you stare back at him. He surely was about to have some kind of speech and the unknown was making you nervous and uncomfortable. He was getting up.

Weren't you supposed to try out a quickie in the damn bathroom?

“You repeated me a lot of times that I'm a mess. And I am one, I felt like I really didn't... You know, have my place anywhere in Hawkins or let alone, the whole world. I was a junkie and an alcoholic with a bad temper, which Impartially even today, but you managed to make the things better.” - Jim stood up in front of the plushy chair. Somehow, you were hilarious at that moment, since you looked like a deer in the headlights, ready to pass out or run away at any given chance.

Your eyes were widening with every step he took. And you, my dear, started officially panicking at that moment.

“What are you talking about?” - You mumbled back and watched what he was doing; step after step, word by word.

“Be quiet for a moment, will you?” - Hopper asked and closed his eyes to contain himself and probably, to think about the next words he wanted to tell you. You just nodded looked him in the eyes again. - “And then she came by. And everything was like a fuckin’ rollercoaster if you know what I mean. I sorta expected you to run away as soon as you get to know, but to my surprised, you stayed there. And that was the moment I told myself Damn, this woman is really somethin’ else.”

And at that moment you just stopped everything when he got on his knee. Was this... Did he... You weren't capable of finishing any normal sentence no matter how hard you tried to. You just leaned in and gulped with your heart beating.

“And to be honest, from that moment on, I'm just wonderin’ about one small thing’. And its been buggin’ me off a lot recently.” - Jim took your hand in his and looked you in the eyes. You still were internally panicking. - “Since we already kinda have a child together...” - He mumbled as a joke and it made you chuckle. - “Would you be up to marry me by any chance?” - The man asked quietly. You opened up your lips, but nothing came out as you were looking at him.

There was a long moment of silence when your brain was processing everything that was going on at the moment. You were panicking, freaking out and excited. Even a bit terrified. It happened just like that, nobody could prepare you for a question like that.

And that jackass even put it up like a casual dinner offer. There was no Will you marry me? or Do you want to spend the rest of your life by my side? No. He just asked if you're up for marriage. This thing was so Hopper that it hurt. But that was what you loved about that jackass.

“I guess I am if you're up for it as well.” - You laughed as you started to cry, kissing him with a big smile. You certainly didn't expect that the man who is kneeling will pick you up and turn around. But it made you laugh. After a ton of necessary kisses, you looked him in the eyes.

“You didn't write the speech by yourself, did you?” - You asked quietly, looking at the small silver ring on your finger. It was quite heavy, but you knew that it will go away with time. Hopper bit his lower lip, looking away from you. - “But Joyce did a pretty good job at making me cry, I need to say. But by any chance...” - You whispered and locked the door.

“Are you up for a quickie in your office, since the bathroom didn't quite play out?” - You wondered, already taking the jeans off.

And at that moment, Hopper did know that he wasn't wrong with proposing to you.

[randaccidents]

Fractured (part one)

So I have fallen into another fandom! @mine-sara-sp‘s shadow people au is just so good though!

A while ago she posted a fic of a vexed Paladin and it got me thinking. This is where that thinking went.

TW: Blood, fighting, panic attacks (somewhat), manipulation

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Epilogue

The morning sun had just risen over the horizon and everything was quiet for once on Hermitcraft. With the recent glow ups in New Hermitville – literally, there was glowstone everywhere now – not even the sound of zombies could be heard, allowing all hermits who thought to find the comfort of their beds to have a peaceful awakening.

At least, for most of the sleeping hermits on the server, this was the case. For Wels, not so much.

The buzzing of his communicator woke Wels from his peaceful sleep. Groaning, Wels rolled over in his bed and blearily groped for the infernal device. Rubbing his eyes, Wels’ eyes flicked over the main chat to the two personal message chats that were blowing up his communicator.

Personal message from GoodTimesWithScar

[Scar] Wels vex alert!

[Scar]   bnghyt67sdzfgtyuopgtfjgkadsfxgchvjbknlm;,;lkjhaghjkl;’

[Scar] sorry Keloid licked my communicator

[Scar] where are you Keloid wants you

[Scar] I think Paladin died again

[Scar] youre sleeping arent you?

[Scar] please wake up

[Scar]Keloid is gonna melt me in lava please wake up

[Scar] wake up

[Scar] wake up

[Scar] wake up

[Scar] wake up

[Scar] wake up

[Scar] wake up

[Scar] pls this jrt is hgh they took my elytea

[Scar] wake up

Personal message from Cubfan135

[Cub] Wels vex alert!

[Cub] Avarice is looking for you

[Cub] ohno your asleep arent you

[Cub] Wels wake up

[Cub] Avarice is destroying my villager center

[Cub] Wels

[Cub] Wels my poor villagers

[Cub] How are you still asleep?

[Cub] If I know Scar, and I know Scar, he is spamming you right now

[Cub] Wels please if not for me then do it for the villagers

[Cub] … Wels I know youre awake answer me where are you

There goes his opportunity to pretend to be asleep. Grumbling, Wels rolled out of bed and began preparing for his day. He wasn't in the mood for anything in particular at the moment. If anything, he wanted to go back to sleep. Grabbing his tool set and weapons, Wels headed for the door. Yawning, he almost forgot to put on his armour before he left his mansion.

Shuddering at the memory of his last round trip flight, he quickly doubled back to grab the most important piece; the helmet. Looking at the rest of his armour set, he shrugged. Where he was going, and especially who he was going to meet, he wouldn't need any armour. Shrugging on his elytra, Wels jumped from the highest window in his mansion, gliding lazily towards the portal tower.

As he flew, Wels opened his communicator and idly flipped through the general chat, trying to pinpoint what needed to face his wrath for waking him up so early (the zombies weren't even burning yet!)

Hermitgang

*Welsknight's shadow fell from a high place

[Zedaph] its vex time boys

[BDubs] CUB SCAR YOU GOT INCOMING

[BDubs] AND TELL THEM TO STOP FLYING OVER NEW NEW HERMITVILLE

[Iskall]  I dont think they heard you

[Impulse] I think their working on Concorp things right now

[Grian] Keloid and Avarice just flew past at mach speed and knocked me out of the sky like some kinda vex aeroplane what did I miss

[Iskall] read up

[Grian] oh

[Grian] well their heading the wrong direction we can still warn them

[Impulse] there is no way this chat hasnt warned them yet

[Zedaph] is that Keloid holding Scar up there on the jet?

[Impulse] ...I stand corrected

[BDubs] GET WELS

[Grian] isnt today his sleep day

[Impulse] what

[Impulse ] aw man he sleeps like a rock!

[Tango] you know what this means?

[BDubs] NO TIME FOR THAT INITIATE OPERATION WAKE WELS

[BDubs] WAKE UP WELS

[Iskall] how do you want to do that man hes unshakable

[Zedaph] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Zedaph] WAKE UP WELS

[Tango] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  WAKE UP WELS

[Impulse] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ WAKE UP WELS

[Mumbo] Guys stop I cant afk in peace like this

[Tango] WAKE UP WELS

[Grian] Mumbo? Woken from afk? Impossible

[Zedaph] WAKE UP WELS

[Iskall] and here is proof that Wels cannot be woken

[BDubs] DOESNT MEAN WE CANT TRY

[BDubs] WAKE UP WELS

[Iskall] yo bdubs you alright? been using a lot of caps there

[Tango] WAKE UP WELS

[BDubs] I DRANK 5 MONSTER ENERGY AND 7 COFFEE IM GREAT

[Keralis] hes not alright

[Keralis] send help

[Impulse] WAKE UP WELS

[Doc] Alright Im headed over right now dont you run from me

[Zedaph] WAKE UP WELS

[BDubs] NO IM FINE YOU WONT FIND ME ANYWAY

[Keralis] hurry I cant hold him forever

[Tango] WAKE UP WELS

[Doc] I know where everyone is on this server

[Bdubs] CRAP HOW IS HE ALREADY HERE

[Keralis] WE HAVE A RUNNER FOLKS

[Zedaph] WAKE UP WELS

[Mumbo] How did you find my witch farm?

[Mumbo] How did you even get here???

[Cub] Wels I swear I know you're awake answer me where are you

[Impulse] WAKE UP oh

[Grian] ooo busted

[Impulse] I cant believe that did it

[Grian] my work here is done

[BDubs] YOULL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE HAHAHAHA

[Tango] but you didnt do anything?

[Grian] exactly

[Cub] Wels hurry up Avarice saw the chat it is this close to smashing me

[Zedaph] did I just see grian flip his elytra like a cape while flying and not die

[Doc] GOT HIM

[Mumbo] Please get out of here

[Scar] please

Any other day he would feel guilty for leaving the Concorp with their shadows. But today he was tired and feeling a tad bit petty. Landing before the portal, he shot a quick message into the chat.

[Wels] Tell them to meet me in the sand mesa temple. They know which

Not bothering to wait for a reply, Wels set his communicator on silent and strode into the portal, heading towards the 'meeting place'. Preoccupied as he was, Wels never saw the stray shadow on the floor that detached itself to follow after him.

~~~

Closing the door of the shadow temple, Wels began preparations to resummon Paladin. Reaching into the chest he had left, he pulled out an armour stand and climbed the podium, humming a sea shanty as he went. Placing the armour stand on the podium, he stepped back to make sure Paladin wasn't summoned quite that fast. He was not in the mood to deal with his ego today. Suddenly, he heard the door open and close behind him. That was fast. “Wait just a bit I’ll have your Shiny for you,” he yelled over his shoulder. Stepping forward, he prepared to summon Paladin and-

Wait. Keloid and Avarice don’t just, open and close doors. They smash them. The person behind him was not Keloid or Avarice. He turned-

and something slid across his throat, cutting off his breath.

Choking, Wels stumbled back, falling onto the stairs. Hands scrabbling at his throat, trying to close the wound, to breathe. Tilting his head to the side, he found an angle that let him breathe shallowly.

“Well, that wasn't what I intended, but it works great for my frustrations.”

Gasping, he looked up and met his bright blue eyed ambusher, idly tracing shapes in the air with its sword. Wels knew this shadow. He was so dead. Shakily, he drew his sword from his tool belt. His ambusher looked down at him through his visor and grinned, stalking forward.

“You think you can fight me as you are now? You make me laugh.” A snarl, and Apex was upon him, sword screeching against his own. Wels found himself struggling to push Apex away, to breathe, breath stolen in the face of a predator. “Good thing I need a laugh right now.”

Apex made a quick movement with its hand, sending Wels’ sword skittering up the stairs onto the podium. Wels barely managed to bring his arms up to block the next sword strike, wheezing in pain as it skittered off something hard. Pain ignored in the adrenaline, in the need to stay alive, Wels scrabbled backwards up the steps, forgetting his injuries, forgetting to breathe, anything to grab the precious sword that would give him a chance. Apex was advancing on him, he can't breathe, where is his sword?

His hand reached back, and he grabbed hold of something made of sticks.

His shadow bubbled, rising out of the floor to become 3D. Yellow eyes flickered open.

*Welsknight’s shadow has been summoned

Paladin stretched lazily, unaware of their surroundings. “Wels hey so about that death I...”

Apex stood before them, Wels on the floor at their feet. This was not normal. “What are you doing Apex?”

The shadow grinned at them lazily, sword in a resting position at their hip. “Why, just releasing some pent up frustrations on unsuspecting players. This doesn't concern you at all. Go back to those creatures you call shadows.”

They almost did. They didn't want to keep Keloid and Avarice waiting too long. But then they made the mistake of looking down.

Wels looked horrible. Paladin could see open wounds on his neck and arms, fresh from the fight. Wels’ breathing was shallow, but his eyes were hyper aware, shuddering between Apex and Paladin.

He looked cornered. Paladin took a step towards him, something tugging at the back of their mind. What was this emotion?

Apex snarled at them threateningly. “Are you challenging me little blacksmith? You’re nothing without your guard dogs following you.” Paladin’s shoulders hiked upwards at the nickname and they hissed in the way that Keloid and Avarice would when angry. Apex flinched at the noise, stabbing their sword downwards towards the floor to mask it, Wels’ whimper of pain going unnoticed in the tension. “You can fight me if you want blacksmith. But I’m not afraid of you.” The sword came back up to point at Paladin’s exposed chest. “You are nothing without those vex, and I will end you.”

They couldn't take those insults to his ability. Their ego did not want to allow it. But Paladin had survived this long with fewer deaths than expected because they knew when to quit. This was not a fight they could win, even if the pulsing knot in their chest rebelled. They stepped away from Wels.

Apex grinned, yellow smile flashing through the impossible corners of the temple. “Smart choice.” They moved, and Paladin’s eyes trailed downwards, locking onto Wels’ panicked ones. The knot in their chest grew tighter-

And in one stroke, they had grabbed a sword from the floor and stabbed Apex through the back with it.

Apex snarled in surprise, whirling around to face them. A clashing screech, and they were locked in combat. Paladin could see Wels dragging himself away from the corner of their eye and a strange relief filled them. Giving a threatening hiss-chirp back, blocked Apex’s blows, looking for an opening to exploit as their training with Wels kicked in.

Parry, parry, thrust, parry, parry, thrust

The rhythm kept them in the fight, preventing Apex from advancing while also retaliating. So it came as a surprise when Apex suddenly twisted its wrist and sent their sword flying to the opposite side of the room. Not wasting a beat, Apex leapt at them, sword swinging in a large arc that sliced across their neck. Paladin staggered backwards at the pain, only barely moving their head to the side to avoid a sword in their skull, sending a straight gash of light across their face. They click-snarled at Apex, whose grin only turned more predatory.

The next swing was intercepted by an axe, followed by a pickaxe which sliced across their chest. Apex barely stumbled as they charged forward yet again, pinning Paladin’s off-handed axe to the floor with one hand. Raising a foot, it was brought down with a snap!, breaking the weapon. A pickaxe at its shoulder brought their attention back to Paladin, and the cycle began anew.

Parry, parry, parRY, PARRY, PARRY

Slices on their arms, light and triangular particles spinning away. Paladin could feel panic start to settle deep in their bones as they fought. They had barely managed to keep themselves between Wels and Apex, but they knew this was a losing fight. A pickaxe was never meant to be a strong weapon against a sword, but they were determined. The knot in their chest would be too painful to bear otherwise they knew. They kept swinging and parrying, what choice did they have?

There is one choice for you dark one.

Bells and tinkling laughter. They knew who this was. The world around them paused, glowing a light blue like a badly rendered photo. They closed their eyes.

The sound of wings, of bells and tinkling laughter grew nearer. The intense sensation of being watched crawled beneath their skin, but they stood firm. They were made for the spotlight, it did not scare them one bit. Not even as the Vex arrived to speak to them again.

We can help you dark one. All you need to do is make a deal.

Keloid and Avarice had warned them more than enough for them to know that this was a bad idea. They snarl-growled at the unseeable entity before them. “No. Haven't I said this enough times? Go away.”

Ah, but you need help don’t you? Look at your summoner, so weak and fragile. We know that he won’t last once you go down.

That made Paladin falter slightly. “But he’ll respawn!”

Humming. But what if this time he doesn't? What then dark one, what then?

They were not thinking straight, they knew that, knew it in the shaking of their hands and the rush of adrenaline, the cold in their bones and the knot in their chest- no, the emotions in their chest that they didn't understand, emotions for their summoner; care? worry? They didn't know, everything was going so wrong-

Calm dark one. We can help. All you need to do, is ASK.

Paladin considered, actually thought about what was being offered. They needed help, they knew. They also knew that the Vex were strong and ancient. But the warnings…

“If I ask for your help, I want to know what I’m getting into first. No sneaky dealings of any sort.”

Laughing bells. If you insist. All we want is a chance to make a deal with your summoner. You will be the conduit to bring him to us.

“And if I don’t?”

You both won’t have a choice. One way or another we will find you.

Paladin ducked their head, opening yellow eyes to glance sideways at Wels. The man had pulled himself to a column. His shirt was ripped, used as makeshift bandages. Red. So much red. They made their decision.

“Alright, I’ll take your deal. Help me.”

Shattering music notes. What do you want us to give you, dark one?

There was no hesitation, the words drawn upwards out from him. “Power. I’ve been the damsel for long enough. Give me the power to protect my family.” They would have hesitated more, but that glance at Wels earlier had solidified a fiery resolve. They wanted to protect their family, and that included Wels whether he liked it or not.

Tinkling glass shards mixed with laughter as power stabbed its way into Paladin. Of course. Now, wake and face your opponent dark one, and remember our deal.

The blue fog faded, the staring spotlights died, the glass was swept away. It was as if the Vex were never there. But Paladin could feel the power rising in their chest, competing with guilt and worry and panic. With a roar, they released it into the air.

Apex stumbled backwards, the roar resonating through memories of darkness, birds, blue. Its grin became more of a grimace as they launched itself at Paladin again, only to be stopped by a sword. Where had they-?

Looking around, Apex noticed the glowing blue gauntlets floating in the air around Paladin. The gauntlets moved quickly, each hand grabbing the closest weapon. A blue cloak of the same colour had spawned out of nowhere and draped upon Paladin’s shoulders. Apex’s grimace flipped back into a feral grin. This was what a real challenge looked like.

They sprung into action, hacking away at each weaponed hand. With every hand that fell, another took its place. Every hit that did land bounced off the hard plating of the seemingly cloth-made cloak. But it soon began to tire, invisible strings softening its blows. No one else on the server had kept up with it this long, not even Killjoy. But shadows didn't tire, someone must be helping Paladin. Looking up, Apex met Paladin’s angered glare. But that didn't faze them at all.

What did faze them was the softly glowing blue streaks where they had sliced Paladin earlier. Apex hissed. Vex. That's where the blacksmith’s help had come from. They shuddered as the invisible threads cut deeper. Now that it knew what to look for, they could feel the Vex on its shoulders, weighing it down. It was time to cut their losses.

Apex faked a lunge at Paladin, taking the split second of Paladin being off-balance to make a run for the door. Turning back inside the doorframe, Apex took in the scene they had left. Red on the floor, pillars sliced into, Paladin running towards them.

And Wels was finally open. Apex grinned. Mechanically, they raised their arm, bringing out Biffa’s spare iron sword and threw it, slamming the door behind them.

Paladin howled, jumping to grab the sword. They knew they were too far away, but something carried their momentum forward and they grabbed the sword out of the air, tumbling onto the steps of the podium. They could feel the cloak folding behind them as it smoothed back out from whatever form it took. In that moment, all Paladin could do was breathe.

“Pal-adi-n?” The halting gasp of their name brought them back to the source of their current problem. Prying themselves off the floor, they hurried to Wels’ side, checking on his wounds. Wels was more concerned about other things, physically recoiling at the sight of the blue scars.

“Wha- di-you do?” The question came out gurgled, but understandable. Paladin could only helplessly reach for their summoner, voice pleading for understanding.

“I made a mistake so I could save you.”

Wels seemed to understand, allowing Paladin close to check on him even as fear swam in his eyes. “Vex” he hissed, before coughing painfully into Paladin’s chest. Paladin chirped soothingly as Avarice always did for them, even as the now known panic rose up yet again. Wels was in no condition to move right now. They could look for help, but what if Apex came back? They could try Wels’ communicator, but they had no idea which temple this was. They could be anywhere! What to do what to do what to do

A pricking in their arm brought them back to reality, grounding them. They cooed at Wels in confusion; they could sense no danger here.

Until they saw the lone Vex mob, sitting on the centre podium where shadows were summoned. It cocked its head at the bloodied knights below them, grin permanently stretched wide.

We told you we would find you. Tinkling bells, shattering laughter, a hundred gazes combined as one.

It's time to fulfill your end of the deal.

Blue particles, broken bells, the room bathed in a blue-purple glow as the knights held tight to each other; one protectively and one in fear. The bell tolled.

Not minutes later, Keloid and Avarice burst down the door to find the temple empty, clean of all signs of struggle and missing two fractured knights.

[black-dragon1998]

bad day

Reader is Alex’s girlfriends who picks up Alex at the DEO after a mission goes bad. fluff!

ALex could be a bit OC, but i couldn’t stop myself writing this. ending kind of sucks

Thanks for reading! Comments are always welcome. English is not my native languages.

No one can convince me that Alex doesn’t look as much a cute animal as Kara can.

“(Y/N) I think we need you.” Kara’s voice came through the phone in small sight. Looking at the time, you guessed she was at the DEO. It was too late at night for her to be at CatCo, and the only reason she would call you is when there was a problem with Alex. She probably wasn’t hurt, Kara would have let you know that in person. Well, that is what you told her last time she had called you with the message that Alex had gotten hurt during a mission. Alex had.

“Really Kara how you aren’t able to deal with your own sister is a mystery to me. She tells you more than she tells me sometimes and I’m her girlfriend.” You were only teasing Kara, both of you knew how stubborn Alex could be, but it always got a reaction out of Kara.

“I have been trying to deal with her stubborn ass for over three hours.” Kara almost jells at you through the phone. To say she was a little agitated by her sister behaviour of self-destruction. Kara knew why her sister did it. Alex never was good with emotions, she rater overworked herself then deal with her emotions.

“A mission went south, a couple of agents got injured. Nobody lost their lives, mostly thanks to Alex, but we both know how she gets after things like this. She had locked herself in her lab and won’t come out.” Kara sounded defeated. It was at moments like this that you really remember how young she really is. Seeing her sister like this hurt her almost as much as it hurt Alex being like this.

“hey, little Danvers it is going to be okay. I’m going over right now and will take care of her. Why don’t you go to your own girlfriend? I can imagine that this mission hasn’t been easy on you both. Why don’t we go all for lunch tomorrow, I know that Lena and Alex would love to discuss the latest alien tech ting the DEO has, and the both of us can just sit there and pretend to know what they are talking about.” You hear Kara chuckle at the other end of the phone, and this made you smile. Both Danvers sisters were very important to, just because you were dating Alex didn’t mean you forgot about Kara. The young alien maybe the most powerful woman on earth, she was still very new at being a hero. Most wouldn’t see how much of a toll it took out of Kara being a hero sometimes. When no replay came you started to think she had hung up.

“Can I get two desserts at lunch tomorrow?” Kara’s voice sounded smaller, younger, and you could almost hear the exhaustion in it. This time you couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Of course, you can. Maybe we could even go to the zoo, I know both you and Alex love the zoo. Even Lena can’t say no to animals.”

“yeah!” Kara voice know took on the more childlike side you knew all to well. The wane when she looked at the world with eyes full of wonder. Lena called it her puppy eye look. The wan that told you that you would be walking around with a very excited Kryptonian tomorrow.

“Yeah. Now go I know for sure Lena is already waiting for you.” With a final goodbye you and Kara hang up the phone? You make a mental note to check on her before the day ends, just to make sure, on Lena too. That girl hasn’t nearly enough people who check on her wellbeing.

 It didn’t take you long to get to the DEO, being able to fly helps you save a lot of time. The tension in the main control room a so thick you could cut it with a knife. It was kind of funny everybody thought Alex was scary on a normal day, let alone when she was stressed. you just found it adorable, she reminded you of an angry kitten that didn’t know how to express herself. Alex found it extremely annoying when you compared her to any cat-like creature, but even she couldn’t deny it when she was curled up on your lap in your shared apartment.

Before you reached Alex’s lab you passed Winn, he looked like the devil himself had just ascended from hell, well, in this case, you could say herself.

“(Y/N)! I am so glad to see you.” Winn exclaims while hugging you.

“glad to see me or because why I’m here?” you ask with a teasing tone. With this, he makes a sound that sounds like a sheepish laugh.

“Is it bad if I say both.”

“No. I know Alex can be a feisty tiger at the best of days. I can only imagine what she is as now.” the two of you take a moment to say goodbye before you resume your journey to the front lines of a battle that you are sure is Alex’s lab right now. the closer you got to Alex’s lab the fewer agents there were around. The labs at the DEO were surrounded by glass. This gave you the perfect view of your girlfriend passing around, looking at a dozen monitors at a time.

Walking into the room Alex didn’t even acknowledge you, she staid bend over a microscope.

“Kara for the last time. I am fine! Now let me work.” Alex threw over her shoulder without looking. This gave you an idea. You maid your way over to your girlfriend without making a sound, before you slung your arms around her waist and pulled her into you.

“not Kara.” You whisper into her ear. Warmed was starting to spread on Alex’s face until the top of her ears was red. She instinctively relaxed into your hold. You always seemed to be able to relax her, like the world didn’t matter anymore for a couple of minutes. finally she turns around but keeps hugging you.

“Hi.” You smile down at her. She looked so much smaller than other times.

“Hi” she smiled back at you. When she was turned you could see how tired she looked.

Kara called.” You tell her when you get no further response. Alex lets out a non-designable sound, before burring her face in your neck. This was a sign that Alex was not in the mood to talk or that she wasn’t feeling well emotional.

“want to tell me how your feeling?” you tried while stroking her hair as a sign of comfort. Over the time you had dated Alex you had learned what to do, one to not force her to talk about how she was feeling. When she was ready, she would tell you, forcing her only makes her angry, and all do you found her adorable when she was like that. That was not how she should be feeling right now. Alex only buried herself further inside your embrace. Which made you chuckle a little bit. She was so much like a cat, were, were Kara looked like a puppy. it was kind of like a running joke between you and Lena.

“Okay, let’s go for an easier one. When was the last time you have eaten?” this was a question you did want an answer to because Alex would forget to eat when she was working in her lab. But like with the previous on it looked like she wasn’t going to move. With a little force you were able to get her on arm’s length so you could look her in the eyes.

“sweetheart.” Your voice was still low, but there was a warning in it, one that she knew not to ignore. You still kept stroking her back in comfort.

“yesterday.” Came her small answer, thinking you would be mad at her. Instead you keep comforting her. But you just smiled at her.

“how about we go back home and order some take out.” With a little nod from her, you lead her out the lab toward the elevator. And before you know it you are back at your shared apartment. The moment you place her on the couch she is out like a light. You place blanked over her, so she doesn’t get cold and walk toward the kitchen.

Opening one of the cupboard drawers, where you keep your takeout menus. deciding to get Alex’s her favourite was quickly ordered before you made the sure the bathroom was ready for when Alex awoke.

 When the food was delivered Alex was still curled up on the couch, and she had curled herself around the blanket like it was a nest. So, you put the food in the oven and wait for her to awake, by curling yourself in the other corner of the couch with your laptop.

It is another 30 minutes before you feel Alex curl up against you, resting her head on you tight. When you looked at her, she still had her blanket curled around her and was looking at you with sleepy eyes.

“hey, kitten. Had a good nap.” She doesn’t answer, instead, she puts pressure on your leg. Taking the hint, you stretch your legs. Seconds later you have a lap full of what you only can describe as a grumpy kitten, just like Kara, Alex isn’t ‘happy’ mood just after she woke up. After letting her wake up for a couple of minutes, knowing that otherwise there wouldn’t becoming anything intelligible thing out of her, which could be funny on certain mornings.

“Okay miss director, how about we get some food into you and then take a nice bad?” you ask her while stroking her back. She gives a tiny nod but doesn’t make a move to get up instead she clings to you more. Letting out a sigh, you figured it could be a night like this. certain night Alex would like nothing more than to surrender the power she had to uphold while being director of the DEO, and most of the times even when in her normal life.

“Alex if you want me to take the lead tonight, I want you to say it to me.” Your voice is soft but serious.

“please?” came her only reply, but it was enough for you.

“it is oké kitten, just let go. I’m going to take care of everting. You just hold on.” Alex locks her arms behind your neck as you pick her up and walk toward the kitchen. Still having the blanket around her you place her on one of the kitchen chairs and with a final kiss on the head you let go to heat up the food. While eating the food you stand next to her to give her the physical contact.

“Thanks for ordering my favourite.” She smiles at you, and know she resembles Kara a lot when Lena has brought her pop stickers.

“your welcome sweetheart.” You give her a small kiss on the side of her head. after the food, you quickly take her toward the bathroom to give her a relaxing bath. In the bathroom you place her on the side of the bath and make sure she is stable before stepping back. As she looks at you, you could still see the fatigue in her eyes.

“sweetheart.” You pull her attention to you so you could see her reaction. “Want a long and relaxing bath, or a quick one so we can cuddle on the bed? it’s up to you.”

“cuddles.” Alex's voice is small, as she slips further into subspace, exactly where you want her. You had nothing plant for later into the night, as you were more concerned about her emotional state you chose to keep it simple tonight.

“okay. Can you lift up your arms for me, so I can take off your shirt?” Alex quickly reacts and you make fast work of her shirt. After taking stripping her of the rest of her clothes you give her a quick kiss on the lips before lifting her up and placing her carefully in the bathtub. You stay close to her while she is in the bath. when you see her head fall back against the tub, you pick her up and ingulf her in the fluffiest towel. After that it didn’t take long to get her to bed.

She immediately seeks you out when you climb under the cover beside her, curling up next to you, resting her head on your shoulder and intertwining your legs with one another.

“love you,” Alex whispers in the crook of your neck.

You kiss her head while saying it back before the two of you fall asleep in each other's arms.

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[krysalla-archive]

you’re so dreamy (i’m stuck on you.)

relationship: sonny carisi x reader word count: 1.6k warnings: none a/n: i got tired of seeing fics where the reader can wear sonny’s shirt bc like lmao not a lot of us are that small preview: You’re halfway to filling the pie crust with eggs when he shuffles into the kitchen. He’s back earlier than you expected. His hair, usually so carefully styled, is in disarray. Sonny must have run his fingers through it. There are dark patches on the shoulders of his jacket and droplets of water clinging to strands of his hair. He shrugs out of his jacket and opens his mouth and then closes it.

“I’m sorry I upset you.”

Rain pours outside the window. The plinking of the raindrops against the metal grate of your fire escape is what woke you up. Not the sound of car horns or the light snores that escape from Sonny or even the buzz of your phone, probably hungover friends asking you to catch breakfast with them and get you caught up on last night when you declined to go out with them, opting to spend some much needed time with Sonny.

You lie half on top of his torso, cheek resting against his shoulder as your finger runs over the curve of his cheek, back and forth, never getting bored of the feeling of his skin beneath you. He smiles momentarily before sighing, running his hand over your hair and splaying his hand across your hip. Sunday has finally come around and you have him all to yourself for the first time in a month. Sonny has to get up soon though. He makes it to Sunday mass when he can, but more often than not, he’s stuck at the precinct long before mass even starts. You’ve only joined him a few times, but you bounced your leg through it the whole time, squirming with excitement to finally eat and move freely. Sonny had only smiled when he looked at you. You feel bad for not going with him, you know it’s important to him, but he always tells you that you have no obligation to come along.

The red digits on your alarm clock makes you glare. Seven AM. What you’d give for the opportunity to just spend the entire morning in bed with him. It’s been a while since it’s just been the two of you together without any interruptions, and even though he has Sundays off, he still gets called in and leaves you in bed.

“Guess I should get off you, huh?” you whisper, nodding your head to the clock. Towards the beginning of your relationship, you would have rather died than place any amount of your weight on him, to be in any state of undress or caught without your makeup and hair done perfectly. You’d burn at the thought and very idea of putting any weight on him, to show any semblance of what you truly look like without careful thought and perfectly positioned limbs and stomach sucked in with shallow breathing and constant concentration. It only stopped the moment Sonny had practically dragged you onto his lap and buried his nose in the crook of your neck during a night in and asked you to relax, his hands stroking down your sides and following the dips and curves and folds that sit there.

Sonny groans beneath you, turning his head and sighs when he takes in the time, “I guess. I’d rather stay in with you though.”

You click your tongue. He should go, he rarely has the time to. Sonny looks at you though, with half-lidded eyes and a tired smile on his face. The hand on your shoulder tightens its grip.

“Me too, but Sonny…” you push yourself up and hover over him.

He glances up at you, smirking like he knows something you don’t, “I know, I know.”

“What if I said I’ll go with you?”

“That’d be a hell of an incentive for me,” he nudged his nose against your cheek.

You kiss him, quick and chaste, smiling against his lips and rolling away from him despite his groan of protest and the grabs he makes for your hips. You roll your eyes. He’s always such a baby in the morning.

He’s slow to push the comforter off and swing his legs over the side of the bed. You can hear him pop his knuckles. It’s a disgusting habit, but you’d be a hypocrite if you brought it up. You do the same thing.

The floor is littered with clothing and your drawers and hangers bare of anything to wear. You groan, looking at the heavy, black fabric of your last clean dress. It’s not church appropriate and neither are the tacky Christmas themed Star Wars pyjamas Sonny bought for you as a joke.

“What’s wrong?” Sonny leans over you and pulls a button up from a hanger, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“I don’t have anything to wear. Forgot to do laundry yesterday,” you hang your head—although, not very disappointed—and shuffle to pick up your dirty laundry. Better to start it now instead of putting it off again.

“Just wear my shirt?” he picks one off his long-sleeved shirts out of the drawer and tosses it to you.

You furrow your brows as you catch his shirt and have to hold back a scoff. You run your thumb over the soft cotton, “I can’t.”

You throw it back at him. Has he seriously never noticed? He has to be fucking with you. It’s noticeable to everyone else.

He raises an eyebrow and closes the distance between you, “It’s fine. I’ve got three others just like it.”

You let out a dry laugh as he pushes the shirt into your hands and curls his hand around yours, closing your hand into a fist around the fabric, “No, you don’t understand. It’s not that I don’t want to—believe me I do—but I physically can’t, Sonny. I love you, but are you blind? It wouldn’t fit, baby.”

He furrows his brows, letting you drape the shirt over his shoulders, holding the ends of it to drag him closer, “I’m sorry… I didn’t—”

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” you kiss the corner of his mouth and let the shirt hang around his shoulder, your hands coming to rest on his chest, “Go get ready. I’ll make breakfast when you get back and we can spend the rest of the day in bed.”

You wink at him and gently pat his chest.

He just manages a nod, lips drawn into a thin line. You watch as he moves almost mechanically to get dressed. When he leaves, he mumbles an ‘I love you’ and pecks your cheek, but it all lacks his usual energy.

***

You’re halfway to filling the pie crust with eggs when he shuffles into the kitchen. He’s back earlier than you expected. His hair, usually so carefully styled, is in disarray. Sonny must have run his fingers through it. There are dark patches on the shoulders of his jacket and droplets of water clinging to strands of his hair. He shrugs out of his jacket and opens his mouth and then closes it.

“I’m sorry I upset you.”

You scoff and cross your arms over your chest, “You didn’t upset me. I accepted that I wouldn’t fit into any of your shirts a long, long time ago. Just a fact of life, you know?”

“Okay,” his shoulders slump.

“What is it, Carisi?” you unfold your arms and lean forward on the counter.

He gestures flippantly for a moment before giving up. His expression is unreadable, twisted between sadness and maybe even disgust. Your reverie for him is forced away from you, strangled out of you, and you’re ultimately disappointed again. Maybe you should have seen it coming. He hid it pretty well.

“Look, if you don’t like it—don’t like me the way I am—just say it and I’ll pack my shit up,” you snap your fingers, “just like that. I love you but if you can’t love all of me then I’ll go. I’m not changing for anyone.”

“What?” his voice is frazzled, “No, no, don’t do that. I don’t care about that. I mean I do, but I— Jesus. I don’t know what I’m tryna say.”

“Slow down,” you round the counter separating you, taking slow steps towards him. The one thing he has you beat on is height. You may be wider than him, but he is scores taller than you. You grasp his hand in yours and kiss his knuckles, “Tell me when you’re ready, baby.”

His smile is gentle and suddenly, you aren’t disenchanted by him anymore, if anything, he holds your captivation more. There’s only been a handful of people you dated in the past, fewer were serious, and even fewer ended for reasons other than your size. You shake that reverence out of your head to remind yourself that he’s only human. 

“It’s stupid.”

“You’ve said a lot of stupid things before, baby.”

He rolls his eyes, “Smart-ass.”

“Can’t help it,” you let his hand go and take to wrapping your arms around his waist and rest your head against his chest, “Come on. I won’t laugh or anything. Promise.”

“I don’t know,” he hangs his head and holds you tight, “I love you, all of you but it just feels like I can’t protect you or somethin’ and sharing clothes just always seemed like it was part of a relationship. It has been for me. What if I can’t take care of you?”

“Sonny, you are being a little stupid,” you prop your chin up against his sternum to look up at him, “But you do protect me, you know that. Maybe not in some big, grandiose way, but you do. You remind me to lock the door, you bought me pepper spray. Besides, I’m a big girl, I can hold my own in a fight. You’re the one that got me the self-defense lessons.”

He chuckles and leans down to kiss your forehead. The shine in his eyes is back, the mischief and cheer and pure unadulterated love have reappeared.

“Well, if you’re so hung up on wearing each other's clothes… you can just wear mine,” you smirk against his collarbone, nipping gently at the skin there.

He groans, head lolling back and his hand tightening in your hair, “Doll, don’t start somethin’ you can’t finish.”

[complicatedandstained]

358 Nights: Poker Night Part 2

It’s not that Luxord’s entirely opposed to the idea of sitting around and watching Demyx and Xigbar trade saliva. There is something intriguing about the single-minded intensity with which they go about it. 

The way Demyx’s hands trace the well-defined muscles beneath Xigbar’s coat, and Xigbar’s fingers curl into Demyx’s carefully crafted hair, their nails digging in, careless of whether they meet skin or leather, yanking each other closer until one coat is indistinguishable from the other and the heat radiating off of them is so thick he can almost smell the sweat… 

He’d be all for it really. It’s just that it’s encroaching on his poker night. 

So Luxord shuffles once more and then flips a card across the table like a boomerang. It nicks them both in the neck before curving back and settling neatly between Luxord’s outstretched fingertips once more. 

The two tear apart immediately, hands flying to their fresh, minuscule paper cuts, coming away tipped in red. 

“Hey!” Demyx gripes, quickly overshadowed by Xigbar’s thunderous, “What the fuck?”

“Oh, wherever are my manners?” Luxord deadpans, arching a neat golden brow. “Did I interrupt?” 

Xigbar strategically shifts Demyx to one side of his lap so he can set an arm on the table and glare across it. “You got something to say, Lux?”

Luxord sets the card down. “Round one. Just trying to determine whether you two are in or out.”

“Feels like maybe we should be asking you that,” Xigbar jeers, fingertips toying with Demyx’s coat zipper as if in invitation, though Demyx noticeably balks at the notion. “I mean, c’mon. We really going to play poker with three people? There are better ways to kill time.”

“Yeah, where is everybody?” Demyx glances around, meaning to search for other familiar faces, but becoming distracted by his guitar, abandoned on the tabletop. He slides into the chair beside Xigbar’s and, slipping the strap around his neck, begins to fiddle with it. “Larxene’s usually here beating all our asses by now.”

Luxord and Xigbar exchange confused glances. 

Demyx winces, stretches an arm behind his head. “What?” 

“Uh,” Xigbar’s glove wraps the back of Demyx’s neck, “Larxene’s dead, honey bun. ‘C.O. got K.O.’d,’ remember?” 

“Oh.” Demyx looks puzzled for a moment and then hearing his own words echoed back to him kicks his brain into gear. “Oh, yeah! Duh. Totally forgot about that whole Castle Oblivion clusterfuck.” His attention returns to his guitar, he smirks. “Good riddance.”

Luxord frowns his disapproval, and Xigbar lets out a bark of laughter, squeezing the back of Demyx’s neck and then letting go as a shadow falls across the table. 

“Good riddance to what?” Gibbs inquires with a good-natured smile, nestling a basket of smoking, warm beer bread in the center of their table beside a bundle of exhausted napkins and nicked cutlery. 

Xigbar’s smile is sharper than the bread knife Gibbs stabs into the fresh loaf. “Larxene.”

“Your crew’s little she-devil?” Gibbs smiles a different kind of smile. “Take off with a man, did she?”

Xigbar pulls the bread basket his way. “In a manner of speaking.” 

“Davy Jones,” Luxord replies, more familiar with the local lingo than the other two. 

Gibbs staggers slightly, catching himself on the back of a chair. “Good heavens, no! She’s dead?” 

“Yeah.” Demyx fidgets with one of his guitar’s tuning keys and plucks out a discordant note. “Apparently, like, super dead.” 

Gibbs’ hand settles over his heart, sobering gaze passing between the other two, “’Tis no easy feat to lose a crew member. I am sorry to hear it.” 

“Thank you,” Luxord replies tonelessly, sliding a bread plate out from the stack. Xigbar merely nods, proceeding to slice up the loaf. 

“You’d be the only one,” Demyx mutters, and Xigbar should choke down his snort for Gibbs’ sake, but he doesn’t. 

The silence is distinctly uncomfortable. For Gibbs. Fortunately, working in a bar, he’s accustomed to making hasty retreats from awkward scenarios, and he promptly nods toward their unusually small table.

“Well, you’ll be needin’ a few more chairs, I reckon?”

“Er… no.” Shifting his deck of cards out of the way, Luxord accepts the delicious smelling plate of bread Xigbar passes him. “I’d wager we’ll all fit here for the night.”

“Surely not?” Gibbs bites his lip, trying to remember a night their crowd was any fewer than seven strong. “Those two big, burly fellows never miss a game, do they?” 

Lexaeus, Xaldin.  

Luxord dismisses the notion with a swish of his butter knife. “They won’t be joining us.”

Through his evening buzz, Gibbs gradually recalls the other faces that typically crowd his tables each month. Not difficult to recollect, really, considering their mystically dyed hair, strange manners, deep pockets... “And what of your doctor? And your priest? And your botanist?”

Vexen, Zexion, Marluxia.

Xigbar glances up, really tries to muffle the smile. “Also not coming.”

“They’re not…also…” Gibbs cringes as the men in dark coats continue to cut and butter the beer bread instead of reacting. “...Are they?”

Xigbar offers a theatrical little sigh. “’Fraid so.”

“Damn,” crumbs spill down Demyx’s chin, and Xigbar can’t resist the urge to come at him with a napkin, garbling the rest of his words, “zounds baff when you put it all togeffer like bat.”

Weighed down by the news, Gibbs slides into the seat at Luxord’s side. Luxord pats him on the back because, if he’s recalling correctly, that’s the thing to do, and he figures at least one of them ought to be trying to keep up regular human appearances. 

“There, there, old man. It’s all as the fates designed.” Luxord slides his tankard Gibbs’ way. “Have yourself a drink.” 

Gibbs obediently takes a hefty swig. Being a sailor, he isn’t a stranger to loss, but this particular crew had been at the height of their youth and tough as you please… 

Gibbs taken care of, Luxord nods to Xigbar and Demyx. “Now then, anyone know any three-person card games?”

Gibbs about spits out the swallow he’s just taken. 

Xigbar groans, burying his face in Demyx’s shoulder as Luxord ponders their options. 

Demyx glances between the two expectantly, and when nothing is proposed, shrugs. “I mean, there’s always Go Fish, man.” 

“What the hell is Go Fish? ” Xigbar asks, words hot against Demyx’s neck, though he doesn’t seem particularly invested in the answer, his teeth nudging into sensitive skin, causing Demyx to squeak and swat at the gunman’s broad chest to no avail.

 “Hm.” Luxord slides the deck Demyx’s direction. “I’m not familiar with it, but it sounds thematically appropriate to me.”

“What, seriously?” Demyx’s jaw drops open a little, as he picks up the cards. He squeaks again before elbowing Xigbar’s ribs. “None of you have heard of Go Fish?”  

Gibbs’ mug settles harshly against the table as he rises abruptly to his feet. “You three are mighty cool for a group who’s lost half their crew.” 

“Almost half,” Xigbar corrects, shifting his cheek onto Demyx’s shoulder to stare down his companions.

Luxord exhales through his nose, splays his hand on the table. “Xigbar.”

“Well, technically speaking, only almost half.” Xigbar shuts his eye to better ignore the reprimand. “And not even, like, the interesting half.”

“What the devil is wrong with you lot?” Gibbs seethes, bushy eyebrows furrowing, lifting up a napkin to wring between his palms.

Luxord exhales again, hands raising, “You’ll forgive us, Mr. Gibbs, we had a—What do you call it around these parts?—a mutiny on our hands. We’ve undergone losses on both sides.”

“And been working double time to make up for it,” Xigbar grunts, straightening to draw his beer closer. “At this point, we’d prefer to drink, fuck, and forget.” 

Demyx groans but whether from the reminder of their hefty workload or the sudden lack of warmth is unclear. 

“No.” The napkin flutters back to the tabletop. They watch Gibbs work this over, stern expression going slack as he looks at what’s left of the lively crew in a new light—their shoulders slumped, their faces haggard, their appetites like men half-starved. 

“No, but...” Gibbs slumps back down into his chair. “But yous were all so close!” 

All three Nobodies laugh. This time they can’t help it.  

“Yep.” Xigbar doesn’t open his eye. “Hung the traitors out to dry ourselves. Or, well,” he smirks, “Axel did, anyway.”

Gibbs sets his head in his hand and then abruptly glances up, misunderstanding. “Don’t you be telling me Red Jack’s dead too?”

Gibbs had grown particularly fond of Axel, whose swagger and wild hair reminded him of a local legend he had once been well-acquainted with, an infamous Captain Jack Something or Other. And, Axel, for his part, seemed to almost enjoy regaling Gibbs with colorful, elaborate tales of Captain Xemnas and his mighty, fearsome crew off on adventures to battle against monsters who swallow hearts whole. 

Axel seemed to weave half-spun truths with blatant lies as easily as breathing. He’d lost several Organization members’ trust mid-tale but completely captivated Gibbs’.

“And…” Gibbs glances up at the silence. He takes Luxord’s hesitant, utterly blank expression as confirmation of the worst and buries his eyes in his palm again, “your cabin boy? Oy, gods, please don’t tell me anything befell the sweet, young angel…” 

Luxord pats Gibbs’ shoulder some more. “Rest assured, Mr. Gibbs, both are quite well.”

“Yeah, Axel’s no turncoat.” Bread polished off, Xigbar’s set to lighting up a cigarette to stem his urge to drink more, but he pauses mid-light to smirk. “He and his first mate are quite close.” 

Luxord chuckles. First mate. “Nice pun.” 

The end of the cigarette blazes, bobs around a muffled, “Fank you.” 

“Huh?” Demyx head tilts, but Xigbar hastily shuts up the inquiry, placing his own cigarette between Demyx’s lips and lighting up another. 

Gibbs does not look entirely reassured, so Luxord nods toward the entrance, crowded with sailors embracing or fighting or maybe just staggering drunk. 

“They ought to be arriving any moment now, provided that Roxas hasn’t completely forgotten, and Axel’s not already in bed.” Luxord strokes his goatee thoughtfully. “Ordinarily, I’d send for them, but they have had quite a long week. Perhaps they need their rest.”

Either this set him at ease or the alcohol is kicking in, because Gibbs’ teeth show crooked through his wry grin. “Can’t imagine the pair of them’ll be getting too much rest though, mm?”

Xigbar chuckles and then coughs as he inhales a mouthful of tobacco smoke. Luxord’s brows arch gracefully and Demyx gets a tight crinkle between his.

Gibbs’ smile slips. “Y’know, alone? ...Together?”

The responses do not change, though Xigbar manages to get his breathing under control.

Gibbs coughs a bit. “... In bed. ”

Demyx’s cigarette drops to the table as he bursts into laughter. “Axel and Roxas? No fucking way.” 

Xigbar’s not laughing anymore as he retrieves the thing and replaces it. His fingertips linger too long on Demyx’s lips, as he catches Gibbs’ eye. The corner of his lip quirks up and he nods as if in approval. “You see it too, eh?”

Luxord sets down his drink with a harsh objecting sound. “What utter nonsense...”

Gibbs nods sagely, eyeing the crowded tables, sailors of all flags gathering under his roof day in and day out. “Working here, life I’ve led, I’ve seen just about everything.”

Luxord leans back in his seat, posture impeccable as ever and smiles, resting his wrists on the tabletop. “Don’t be so sure of that.”

Gibbs sighs. Much as he despises arrogance, he can’t expect these men to believe a humble pub keeper’s seen cursed Aztec gold and skeleton crews. He opts to move on. “I’m just grateful nothing’s befallen the dear young lads.” 

Grinning through another puff of smoke, Xigbar taps the rim of Gibbs’ drink, a silent entreaty for him to take it up again and stop killing the mood. “Like you said, the only thing to befall Axel’s cabin boy is Axel.”     

“Don’t be so harsh, Sniper.” Gibbs draws the tankard nearer, cocks his head obligingly. “I do believe Roxas is quite content with that particular position.” 

“If not, I’m sure Axel can think of a few more,” Xigbar retorts and they both laugh outright. 

Luxord tsks, head shaking. “Axel’d boil you alive for suggesting such a thing.”

“Only ‘cause it’s true.” Xigbar winks, turning to wrap an arm around Demyx’s shoulders and see how he’s taking the news. 

Demyx doesn’t pull away, wrapping a hand over Xigbar’s to keep him in place, but he does lean back, skepticism tugging his face at strange angles. “Don’t be ridiculous, Xiggy. Axel’s always complaining about getting stuck on missions with zombie kid.”

Xigbar’s smile turns indulgent. “And I used to complain about training you. Had to teach you everything under the sun and keep you out of the firing range of the others. Was fucking exhausting, mind you, because, first off, you were so damn lazy and, second, you were so damn distracting… ”

His arm flexes, drawing Demyx closer, and receives a sheepish smile and shrug in return. “Well, the distracting part was to make you less of a hardass so I could get back to the lazy part.” His lips draw closer to Xigbar’s ear, tone quieter, “And I’m pretty sure I did awesome.”

“Tch.” Xigbar pats Demyx’s leg with his free hand. “Small price to pay.”

Luxord leans wearily on one fist, propped against the table, but his tone remains proper and confident as ever, “So what I believe you’re saying is you might be projecting.”

Xigbar barely glances at him, grin turning somehow smugger, as Demyx leans back and stretches a leg across his lap. “What I’m saying is I know what I’m talking about.”

“What about Xion?” Luxord proposes. “She seems quite taken with our Roxas.” 

Gibbs’ mouth opens in silent inquiry, further proof that he’s learned entirely too much, milling about the table of this fascinatingly strange set of foreigners while his bartender and waitstaff run his business for him. 

“Xion’s our—er—other cabin boy,” Luxord adds.

Xigbar’s gold eye rolls and his chuckle is cold. “If by ‘taken,’ you mean they’ve said more than three words to each other, then sure. Poppet’s probably hearing wedding bells.” 

As he speaks, Xigbar slides back the coat caught on Demyx’s leg and begins to lazily massage his calf through cool, form-fitting black trousers. 

Demyx’s eyes slip half shut and he looks about ready to start purring. Xigbar removes his other arm from the back of Demyx’s chair to draw a circle in the air with his cigarette. “Meanwhile, her groom-to-be spends every spare second following around a certain tall, flirtatious red-head…” 

“Speak of the red devil,” Gibbs mumbles in near a hush, as if he fears he may actually have summoned them.  

Gibbs nods toward pub’s crowded entrance. The door has just slammed open, banging into the wall, and in darts a scarecrow of a man in a glossy black coat and ostentatious, gold trimmed, captain’s hat that doesn’t quite smother a mane of pure Scottish red hair. The man looks around, nods, adjusting his coat, and glances over his shoulder. The door swings again, crying out on its hinges, and in sprints a short, slim black coat topped by a fine brown tricorn hat. He stands for a second, hands above his knees, catching his breath as the one in the captain’s hat squeezes his shoulder and whispers something that makes the smaller one glance up abruptly, grin, and swat the hand off.    

“They together?” Xigbar asks, leaning to see past other tables until he spots the pair. “Well, well, well. You’re a gambling man, Lucky. Tell me, what are the odds?” 

Luxord watches his coworkers’ entrance with a critical eye, but sees nothing unusual in the nuances of their brief, harried conversation.  “Still slim to nothing, Xiggy. ”  

“Well, reckon, I ought to…” Gibbs starts, rising to go fetch them, only to find both of his arms held fast by Luxord and Xigbar, both of whom are looking not at him, but each other. 

“I bet you five hundred munny their lips will meet by the end of the night.”

“Is that a genuine wager?”

“Gibbs can set the terms.”  

“I’m listening.” 

They release Gibbs’ arms and he crosses them in thought. He’s presided over many a gamble and this one seems straightforward enough and relatively harmless to boot. He could set ground rules, but he can’t imagine these fellows will play by them, so best not to bother. 

Gibbs nods. “Five hundred... munny, was it?” The currency sounds almost made up, but the men nod. “And a free bar tab next time ‘round,” Gibbs adds to sweeten the pot and make the competition all the more entertaining. “If Red Jack and his bonny lad kiss by the end of the night, Sniper wins. If not, the Gambler and the Bard triumph.” He waggles his finger in the air seriously, “There’ll be no telling Red Jack and the cabin boy about the bet, otherwise anything goes.”

Xigbar reaches out a gloved palm and Luxord gives it a neat shake, before patting the thigh splayed across his. “Demyx? You in?”

“… you’re worse than that sea witch in Atlantica.” 

“Damn straight I am.”  

Demyx’s suddenly weary eyes examine the determined set of Xigbar’s jaw, the laughter lines born of a zillion cruel jokes crinkling at the edge of his eye. 

Demyx sighs heavily. “Ugh, fine.” He scoops up the deck of cards Luxord had passed him some time ago, and passes them back with his left hand while clasping Xigbar’s with his right. “But next time we are either playing strip poker or Go Fish.” 

[kenzierose53]

Promises (xxii)

I am getting so close to 600 reads on this on Wattpad it’s crazy! Like WHAT! When I first started this story I never expected ANYONE to want to read it. 

- MaKenzie ❤️

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The bar was quiet during the afternoon, a few stragglers here and there but overall not bad. Thankfully during the afternoon, the kitchen was busy so I didn't have to deal with Sofia. Right now, it was just myself, Hermes and Sofia here at the bar. Orpheus was out running some errands for Hermes leaving me alone. Hermes was in his office working on some things.

Persephone was actually with Hades; he had kept on his promise to come and visit her. Of course, no one can know he is here but she told me immediately. The smile on her face when she told me her husband was coming to see her made me so happy. I remember telling her in the Underworld to ask him for visits never honestly expecting him to take time off work to come but he proved me wrong.

Thinking of my time in the Underworld brought that gem I had hidden to mind. I started to think of all of the things I could do with that, all of the things I could buy with that. There was one thing I knew for sure that I was going to get with it, wedding bands. Even though Orpheus and I consider ourselves married already, I know that he really wanted it to be official. I can already picture the smile on his face if I give him a ring.

"Excuse me," a rather rude voice snapped me from my thoughts. Standing on the other side of the bar was an older woman with copper hair. I have never seen this woman before and I know everyone in this town. Maybe she is a traveler?

"I apologize miss, what can I get you?" I brushed off her rudeness, who knows how long she was trying to get my attention. She told me her order bitterly, again I brushed this off before making her order. Her eyes followed my every move, making me super uncomfortable. "I haven't seen you around here, you just passing through?" I tried to make small talk to lessen the awkwardness of this situation.

She remained silent, taking a large gulp of her drink her eyes never leaving mine. "I could say the same about you. I haven't seen you around here," her tone was accusatory. I have no idea who this woman is but she rubs me the wrong way.

"Uh I just recently got back to town," I remained vague hoping she wouldn't press. I really didn't want this mystery person to know that I just got back from Hadestown recently. Thankfully she just ignored it and continued on drinking.

"Ah Sofia dear it's good to see you!" the woman's voice sounded happy for once. This is the first person I met that doesn't seem bothered with Sofia. They engaged in conversation, allowing me to get some cleaning and stocking done.

When I returned the two were whispering, looking in my direction. Sofia pulled away with a smile on her face. "She's not giving you any issues is she?" her tone was bitter.

The woman smirked, "She has been a little less than friendly I would say." What? I thought I have been more than pleasant. If anyone was being unpleasant it was her.

I was about to apologize when Sofia cut me off, "I would think she would try to more pleasant to the mother of Orpheus." With that, she laughed and walked away. This is Calliope? This is the mother of my love?

"You're Calliope?" my voice was breathless, not wanting to believe this. She just gave me a sharp nod. "I'm Eurydice. Your son and I are together," my desire to show myself as good enough for her son was taking over. This woman has been nothing but rude to me so far but I would still do anything for her approval.

"I have heard all about you," her tone was teasing. I instantly got nervous, hoping that she heard about me from Orpheus and not anyone else. "You left my son," her tone was bitter, cold. Before I got the chance to continue she slammed down her glass continuing her verbal assault. "You caused my son the wort heartbreak imaginable. You almost cost him his life! And now you're just back and everything is okay? Is it? When winter comes are you going to tuck your tail and run again?"

Her words were igniting a fire deep within me. Even though she was his mother I did not deserve this sort of treatment. "You don't even know the first thing about me," she opened her mouth to respond but I lifted my hand stopping her. "You think you know me due to my past mistakes but those are just that, mistakes. Leaving your son was the worst mistake of my life and I regret it every day of my life! What you don't know is that I left with the thought that I was helping him. Without me, he would have more food, fewer distractions, and I'm dammed goods anyway. I thought by leaving I was doing him a favor!"

My voice was raising volume the more worked up I got. We had attracted some of the attention of the bar patrons but right now I was too angry to care. "You want to come at me for leaving your son but you abandoned him the moment you could! He was just a baby and you left him! You decided that he was worthy to be in your life after he saved the world. You didn't see his worth until after everything. I saw it the moment I met him. You don't know a thing about either of us so don't you come in attacking me, when you're just as guilty."

The fire burning in her eyes looked like it could incinerate this whole building. Her knuckles were turning white from how tightly she gripped the counter. "You will never be good enough for my son!"

Her words instantly brought up my insecurities. "You don't think I don't know that already?" the anger in my tone fading slightly, my insecurities clouding my mind. "I know that I will never be good enough for you son but I am going to try every day for the rest of my life to make up for my mistakes and be the best I can be for him. He loves me for who I am," I paused gauging her reaction. The fire in her eyes reignited the fire inside of me. "Regardless of what you think, what anyone thinks, I am going to marry your son and we are going to be happy!"

The bitterness in my tone seemed to be the last straw for her. Next thing that I knew I was one the ground, my cheek burning. There was a commotion going on all around me but I couldn't focus on anything. There was a hand on my shoulder, concerned eyes gazing at me. "Come on child, why don't you go upstairs?" Hermes helped me stand and make my way to the stairs.

He quickly turned and made his way back to the commotion. There was lots of yelling and it was driving my head nuts. Carefully I drug myself up the stairs, my stinging cheek making it hard to think. When I finally reached the apartment, I collapsed on the bed tears coming to my eyes.

I know this feeling, Calliope had hit me. The mother of my future husband had hit me because I loved her son. She brought to light the insecurities that I was never going to be good enough for him. Maybe I shouldn't marry him...was I ever really going to be good enough to deserve him?

I hadn't registered anyone was here in the apartment until I was pulled flat against a chest. The feeling of being wrapped in his arms caused the tears to come stronger. He whispered soothing words into my ear, rubbing circles on my hips. He was comforting me without asking me any questions.

I pushed myself to sit up, my back still facing him. My hand came to cradle my swollen cheek; I didn't want him to see it. The shifting of his weight indicated that he was sitting up as well. I brought my knees to my chin, curling up in a ball. "Eurydice?" his tone was soft as if not to disturb me. Still, I refused to turn around or answer him. "Love please talk to me. I don't know how to help if you don't talk to me," he sounded broken.

The thought that I was hurting my poet caused me to finally answer him, "It's nothing you need to worry about love." His sigh let me know that he didn't believe me.

He wrapped me up into his arms, "If everything was okay why did I walk in on you sobbing on the bed? Why did Hermes tell me that you needed me as soon as I walked in the door?" His lips connected with my forehead calming me slightly.

Hermes talked to him? Oh, does he know everything? "I just got into a fight with a customer and it really got to my head," I tried to sound dismissive as not to draw more attention. "I'm just being overdramatic I promise," this time I turned slightly to look at him.

The concern in his hazel eyes was comforting. I leaned up capturing his lips, my attempt to comfort him. I had gotten so consumed in the kiss that I forgot about my tender cheek. When he reached up to cup my face I pulled back instantly, the pain shocking me. His eyes widened immediately, pulling away the hand that was covering the cheek. "They hit you!"

Quickly I pushed myself off the bed, away from the concerned poet. I wasn't able to make it that far before I was pulled back into his chest. He forced chin up to look into his angry/concerned eyes, the look in eyes was frightening. The look he was giving my swollen cheek made it look like he was about to murder whoever hurt me. My hand came up to rest on his cheek, my thumb rubbing back and forth in an attempt to calm him.

He closed his eyes taking a few deep breaths. When his eyes finally reopened the fire inside of them quelled but the concern still bright. "Rydice please tell me what happened," his voice cracked slightly at the end.

The longer I would put off answering him would only hurt him worse but I also didn't want to tell him the full truth. "As I said I got in an argument with a customer and it elevated enough to where they slapped me," I tried to keep my voice calm to help quell his nerves as well as my own.

He sighed, pulling me back to sit on the bed. His head came to rest on top of mine, his large hand stroking my back. "This doesn't make sense...the whole town loves you. Who would hit you?" He was starting to dig, this can be dangerous.

"Orpheus please just drop it," my tone was pleading. I really didn't want him to find out it was his mother who hit me. He stiffened up when I begged him to stop, I know he's going to dig until he finds out the truth. His eyes connected with mine, slightly narrowing. "Orpheus please she is going to hate me even more," my voice was starting to shake.

"Who was it Eurydice? Sofia?" I just shook my head afraid for him to hear the truth. "Tell me," his grip on me tightened slightly, the fire returning to his eyes.

I couldn't control the tears that fell from my eyes, the waterworks quelling the fire in his eyes again. "I'm so sorry love," my voice cracked. "You have to promise me you won't do anything rash," even though his jaw was clenched he shook his head. "It was your mother."

[makeroomforthejolyghost]

today marks 8 months on T (and, incidentally, my 27th birthday). here is an update post, somewhat more formal than the one five months ago

voice:

finally making progress here. for months and months i just sounded like A Slightly Older Cis Woman; now it’s at least ambiguous

i can’t meow anymore, but i’m really good at mooing now

hair:

for about two seconds at the end of october i thought i was balding, but nah; my hairline got a little pointier, but has not noticeably receded

it does lie a little differently in that area though?? my hair now naturally does this thing i used to try and fake to look more masculine. not sure i can explain this well, but it’s like--you know that area right at the corner of your hairline? so like, still on the top of your head, but right where it’s about to slope down and turn into temple. when the hairs there are short, now, they naturally lie pointing forward rather than falling to the side. i didn’t realize until it happened on my own head that this is a feature of how testosterone-dominant hairlines work,* rather than just a fashion statement we associate w/ men

so far i have just enough facial hair for it to annoy me. my lips get spiny after a few days, which is insufferably itchy, and if i leave it alone for too long the underside of my chin grows a few, sparse, soft, incongruously light-colored hairs. therefore i have a lot of dreams about accidentally growing a neckbeard. (can’t believe i forgot to mention those in the post about T-inspired anxiety dreams. an unpardonable oversight)

legs are a glorious forest; everywhere else still looks hairless from any kind of distance. but at least i can tell it isn’t; even my fingers have a few tiny hairs now

oh, right. i’ve got about six chest hairs. single two-inch brown hair sticking out of boob sure is a look

general shape changes

i’m definitely fatter. it’s weird because before T i always dreaded gaining weight, even while forcing myself to celebrate it (since i was underweight for years), because... well, boobs, mostly, but even besides that. arm flab accentuates lack of muscle. upper thigh fat accentuates wide pelvis. but not anymore!! now “getting fatter” just means “tapering less at the waist,” so. why not

for the first six months every time i retook my measurements they’d all be higher than last time because Muscle Growth. now that seems to have stopped--maybe because it would anyway, maybe because quarantine, probably some of both--and my arms have actually shrunk a little in the last two months. fat redistribution i guess?? i don’t think they can have lost muscle, since the change of habits (i.e. walking less) shouldn’t have affected them much.

my neck is so fucking thick. i expected the hardest part of finding collared shirts once i started T would be getting them to fit in the shoulders without being too long? but nope. turns out, i’m not that short; mostly, i’m a thin person with a thick-ass neck. shirts that button all the way up tend to be tents on me

mood/personality

i think i’m starting to understand what other people who’ve gone on T mean when they say they don’t take as much shit? people don’t directly give me shit often enough to test that properly, but i do find i’m less good at making myself do things i don’t care about.

like: sometimes, when i’m not enjoying a book, i notice that, and stop reading it. and only sometimes feel like a failure afterwards???

there’s more empty space in my head, if that makes sense. i have fewer unwanted thoughts, and, similarly to the point above, i seem to be more capable of... not chewing. not continuing to ruminate on something i’ve chewed on for so long the taste makes me sick.

at this level that’s mostly a good thing? but n.b. i had to decrease my dose because when it was higher my mind felt blank and slippery in a way that freaked me out. it was kinda like when i tried to increase my antidepressant and just got, like... overconfident and sloppy, as though i were drunk.

even at this dose, i’m less good with words than i used to be. you may have noticed

other

haven’t had too much trouble with acne so far? my nose is preposterously greasy though.

dr. strawberry has departed to another realm. wonder how many years before i’ll quit dreaming it’s come back

*probably not a universal feature; i don’t mean to imply any shoulds here. hopefully that can just go without saying for the rest of this post?

[lucytara]

silver and "Nice girls love kissing the loners"

Weiss is suspicious of the new girl.

Not that she has any right to be; she’s perfectly polite to Weiss every time they speak, even somewhat helpful when the situation calls for it, lending her pens, notes, answers. She tends to keep to herself, though other people seem to be drawn to her for reasons Weiss can’t quite comprehend; the popular boys sometimes take over her table in the dining hall during lunch, laughing and tossing fruit into each other’s mouths as she watches on, bored and haughty. Sometimes she doesn’t show up at all, disappearing to other corners of the grounds.

For all intents and purposes, the only thing Blake Belladonna’s done since transferring to Beacon is live up to her name: she’s beautiful, enigmatic, a dark charm to her like a spell, with shadow-fingers that crook and call people to ruin. And she’s a senior, for fuck’s sake. Nobody transfers as a senior.

But none of that is why Weiss is suspicious. No, Weiss is suspicious because of Yang - specifically, why Yang seems so suddenly nonchalant and secretive, as if a vault were a personality trait and not a box with a lock. She and Blake never seem to hang out, but lines are always being drawn to connect them: they pass each other in the halls and exchange a look, or Yang nods at her across a room, or Blake catches her by her locker and asks her about a textbook. There’s an odd air about them, indicative of something weighted. Something close.

Here’s where it starts - Weiss has made maps, pinpointed days into coordinates - Yang’s paired up with Blake for a project in their literature class, and they meet in a library. She doesn’t go home with Weiss that day, texts her some kind of smiling emoji and a cup of coffee meant to signify tomorrow. But then she’s out with Blake again, and again, and again.

It’s a big project, so Weiss sort-of understands. It’s all against her will. Yang’s always been studious, and Weiss can’t hold that to her now; she’s just doing the right thing for her work, and besides, she says casually, Blake’s new, and it sucks being the new girl. She’s cool, Weiss. You’d like her.

Weiss takes that as a personal challenge, and hates her from that moment on.

She expects something to become of them, that’s the thing. She’s wary of replacements, losing the ground beneath her feet, but the project ends and Yang goes home with Weiss again, stops at coffee shops and bookstores and restaurants.

“Aren’t you friends?” Weiss finally asks her a few weeks later, somewhat confounded by the dynamic. “You said you liked her.”

“I do,” Yang shrugs, tossing her water bottle in the air and catching it, “and we are. But - I don’t know. I guess we’re just friends at school.”

“I never even see you talk,” Weiss says.

“You aren’t in all our classes,” Yang replies. “We talk.”

She’s cagey about it, and Weiss only understands why when she accidentally forgets her wallet in her locker on a Thursday and has to go back. She’s already said goodbye to Yang - they don’t hang out every day after school, only three of the five, because Yang has club meetings, or she has to pick up her sister, or any one of her previous engagements - and so Weiss doesn’t expect to run into her again.

But she hits the sidewalk of the parking lot, blinks as she looks up, and misses a step so badly she nearly breaks her ankle, shatters every bone in her body.

If that’s dramatic, it’s because the first - the only - thing she sees is Blake Belladonna slipping onto the back of Yang’s motorcycle, a smile playing teasingly about her mouth and her hair rolling over her shoulders like a storm at midnight. What Weiss catalogues through her complete confusion is this: Blake settles behind Yang with the confidence of someone who’s done it many, many times before, her hands intertwining comfortably around Yang’s waist, chest pressed against her spine. Yang says something as she revs the engine that causes Blake to laugh, and it’s the happiest Weiss has ever seen her look.

Yang backs out, peels out of the parking lot and down the street the opposite direction, and oh, Weiss thinks, she is so getting to the bottom of this.

–

She takes nothing at face value from then on. She catches every glance, every nod, every turn of their mouths, but what she can’t figure out is why. It’s deliberate, that much she understands; they’re purposefully playing down their friendship, acknowledging the other briefly or casually before moving on. She ropes in Pyrrha, drags the words out under her breath in a corner of the library during free period.

“Blake and Yang,” Weiss says. “They’re in your history class, right?”

“That’s right,” Pyrrha says. “Why?”

“What are they like?” Weiss probes unsettlingly. “Are they friends?”

Pyrrha raises an eyebrow. “Yes,” she answers, cautious and careful. “They sit next to each other. They’re usually partners on group projects, or in discussions.”

Weiss stares a little too hard. Pyrrha leans away. “Anything else?”

“Um,” Pyrrha says. “They’re in my gym class, too? We’re split for volleyball. They play for the same team.”

In the end, none of it’s helpful, and she’s left with fewer answers than she’d started out with.

So she defaults to the next best thing. And creepiest. Probably. Whatever. Yang’s her best friend, she’s lying, and Weiss has to know.

Blake isn’t in the dining hall during lunch. Yang enters with Weiss, grabs an apple and a bag of chips. She drops her backpack onto the table, rummages through it, and pauses - Weiss sees straight to the act underneath. “Ah, shit,” she says, but the disappointment is a facade. “I forgot to grab my history textbook. I have a quiz next period. I’ll be back in a few.”

“Damn, Yang,” Nora says, shaking her head. “You’ve been forgetting all kinds of shit recently. What’s up?”

Yang laughs. “Just distracted, I guess,” she says, swinging her bag over her shoulder and heading back the way they’d come.

Weiss gets up and follows her.

Distracted is definitely the word for it - Yang doesn’t glance behind her at all, and she doesn’t head anywhere near her locker. She walks towards the lecture halls, and it’s too empty for Weiss to claim anything other than stalking. She pauses for a sign.

The door to one of the lit classrooms swings shut, and the lighting remains off. That’s unusual in itself, but then, so are the lengths she’s going to. Weiss sneaks up tentatively to the wall outside, waiting, listening; she doesn’t dare peak through the window just yet.

She can hear their voices - Yang’s she could pick humming out of a crowd, and Blake’s low, melodious tone is impossible to reproduce - and it’s quiet enough that their words are defined, recognizable. She presses closer against the wood.

“I think they’re getting suspicious,” Yang’s saying, notes amused. “I need to come up with better excuses for skipping lunch.”

“It’s hard to be popular.”

“Shut up.” They both laugh lightly. “Seriously, though. You should just sit with us.”

“I’ll get crucified. Everyone loves you. I don’t want to have to pass a lie detector test just to prove my intentions are pure.”

They don’t sound like friends, that’s all Weiss can comprehend with what she’s given, and decides it’s not enough. She can’t take it anymore; their giggling, their banter - she needs to see their faces, needs to read their expressions. It’s the only way.

She lifts herself onto her toes, shifts forward inch by inch–

“Well,” she catches Yang saying, sees the arc of her eyebrow, the half-arch of her mouth, “that’s not totally right, is it?”

Blake’s sitting on a desk, legs crossed, elbow resting against her knee with her chin tucked into her hand; the smirk she’s wearing reminds Weiss of a danger zone, of the signs she sees in the mountains warning of falling rocks. Yang’s standing directly in front of her, and as Weiss watches, she steps closer, places her palms flat on either side of Blake’s thighs, one of her thumbs twisting against the fabric of her skirt.

“No,” Blake says, dropping her voice. Her smirk doesn’t waver. Weiss instantly realizes exactly what she’s seeing, and why she’s never been allowed to see it before. “It isn’t.”

“My intentions aren’t pure,” Yang purrs, slowly dipping her head. “So if they’re gonna crucify you, I’ll tell them we’re a packaged deal.”

Oh, my God, they’re about to kiss, Weiss nearly panics and flings herself against the floor - oh my God, oh my God - but she can’t move, too mesmerized and horrified, too stunned and awed, Yang’s lips catch Blake’s and Blake drops her arm, fingers curling against Yang’s blouse, and she returns the kiss, opens her mouth, pulls her in. Oh, they aren’t friends at all, that’d entirely been the point. Weiss half-gasps and cuts it off, breath broken and uncomfortable.

“Are we?” Blake murmurs, breaking.

“I want us to be,” Yang answers, and Weiss is startled to hear her voice shake. “I’m tired of sneaking around. I mean, it’s fun, but you - I don’t care what other people think. I want to be with you.”

Weiss watches them watch each other, and what a bizarre state of affairs she’s wandered into, now too invested to leave. Blake swallows, fingers playing with the hem of Yang’s collar like a habit. Weiss wonders how much time they’ve had to develop habits. Blake says, “I want that, too, but I’m just - I’m just scared. I know that’s stupid, but - I don’t know. Like they’ll think I’m not good enough for you or something.”

Okay, so, maybe Weiss has it all wrong. She’ll deal with that later. Yang says, “Then fuck them. I’m serious. If they’re my friends, they’ll be happy that I’m happy. And if they aren’t, then they probably aren’t my friends. Problem solved.”

Blake cracks into a smile, fingers brushing Yang’s bangs away from her forehead. She’s carrying an adoration too intimate to exist, and Weiss has never seen anything quite like it. “You make everything sound so simple.”

“That’s because it is,” Yang says, and kisses her sweetly again. “It’s you and me. Nothing’s ever made more sense to me than that.”

–

Guilt’s a thing Weiss is accustomed to feeling, but never under these circumstances.

She plans her own atonement, Yang’s words ringing around her skull. Yang’s her best friend, and she does want her to be happy, regardless of who it’s with - and there’s nothing actually wrong with Blake. She’s gorgeous, if Weiss is finally being honest, and they complement each other so well she probably would’ve picked someone like her for Yang anyway.

Blake’s in the dining hall, standing in line with the same bag of chips she sees Yang buying every other day. Weiss taps her on the shoulder. “Hey,” she says, and Blake turns to her, mildly surprised.

“Hey, Weiss,” she says. “What’s up?”

Her eyes slip just past Weiss’s shoulder; she’s sure Yang’s looking their way, too in-tune to avoid it. “Would you like to sit with us?” she asks, and offers her a smile. “I think the boys are a little too rambunctious today.”

Blake blinks, clearly surprised by the offer. “Sure,” she says, and smiles back somewhat hesitantly. “That’d be nice.”

Weiss leads her back to their table, notices the way Yang’s eyes linger on her the entire time. She slips onto the opposite bench beside Pyrrha, leaves the space next to Yang wide open. Blake pauses - so miniscule of a motion Weiss is sure nobody else notices - before lowering herself down, setting her backpack on the ground.

Yang glances at her questioningly. Blake’s eyes widen briefly and contract as if saying, I don’t know, either. Weiss offers the motive, “We couldn’t let Sun and Neptune torture the girl forever. I mean, boys, right, Yang?”

Yang meets her gaze, conversation and confirmation wordlessly passing between them; Yang’s lips part, eyebrows twitching; she saves herself before the awkward silence, clears her throat. “Boys,” she agrees, her lips quirking at an edge.

“Blake,” Pyrrha says kindly, apparently not having noticed the moment, “feel free to join us any time. If anyone’s annoying you, we’re here.”

“Yeah!” Nora agrees, grinning. “We’ll kick their asses.”

“Thanks,” Blake says, and licks her lips, nervous energy still winding between her and Yang. Weiss can tell exactly who it’s coming from, can watch the air expanding, watch the walls blowing out–

“Actually,” Yang says unsteadily, as if it’s taking every ounce of courage she possesses to say three words, “Blake’s my - um - she’s my girlfriend.” The silence folds at the table; every pair of eyes blinks. “We’re dating.”

“Uh,” Jaune says. “What?”

“We were keeping it a…secret,” Blake says slowly, taking cues. “But I - yeah. Boys. I’m tired of them.” The sentiment nearly drowns under its many connotations, and Blake’s sheepish tone suggests she’s well aware of it. So she’s sharp, witty. Yang could definitely use someone like her.

Nora’s the first to laugh. “Oh, awesome,” she exclaims. “Sun was totally into you, Blake, and now you’re dating Yang. That’s perfect. That’s incredible. Gay rights!”

Yang snorts, but Weiss watches her posture relax like lifting the weight of an ocean, like unstitching seams. Blake’s smile pours open without force.

“Nora, please,” Ren says.

“How long?” Pyrrha asks slyly. “I always kind of wondered, you know.”

“Why’s that?” Yang asks.

“You always picked her first in gym.”

“Well,” Yang says, tosses Blake a wink like the last month’s worth of doubt had only ever been a shadow, “she looks so good in those shorts–”

Blake slaps a hand over her mouth, but her smirk speaks to the implication that Yang might have a little more experience than just seeing; they’re too casual with their contact, too familiar in their space. Their blood doesn’t sit in their cheeks, either. “That’s enough,” she says. “You just told them we’re dating. I don’t think they need any personal anecdotes.”

“I do!” Nora says, raising a hand. “Tell us about the sex–”

“No,” Blake shuts her down immediately, but she isn’t used to Nora; Yang only sighs against her hand, having seen the trap but unable to stop Blake from walking into it.

“So you have had sex?” Nora says gleefully, and Blake drops her arm, bites the inside of her lip against her grin. Yang looks at her, stare flat and disbelieving.

“Oops,” she says, not at all apologetic. “Sorry.”

Yang wraps an arm around her shoulders, lips still wide, grounds cracked against earthquakes. “You’re lucky I love you,” she whispers too quietly to be overheard, but Weiss reads the impressions of her words, her mouth wrapping around them, and Blake’s eyes glitter like amber reflecting sun.

Weiss finally looks away and smiles.