#teenys come get ur man or else

[ddodol]

OH

[zeltqz]

call me or not, it's up to you.

☰ — synopsis : you come back home after a night out and see you accidentally posted your private stories public, and received a drunk lengthy voicemail from your ex, ran.

☰ — pairing : haitani ran x fem!reader ☰ — length : 2.4k words ☰ — contents : nsfw and 18+ contents, mentions of violence (sanzu being sanzu), slight phone sex; they don't directly communicate, ran being mildly toxic and messing with your emotions, teeny itsy bitsy drops of gaslighting ☰ — notes : i literally suck at writing toxic characters so im SORRY if this is literal ass, (im trying my hardestttt) i just had a dream about this and had to execute it as best as i could lol

It was a regular Thursday night when you stumbled into your date’s house, struggling to walk with half a heel working. 

“Let’s get you out of these.” He knelt before you and helped you unbuckle your heels and you sighed in relief when he slipped them both off. 

“Remind me to never wear heels again,” you giggled, clutching onto him. He leaned down and kissed you. You hummed, still feeling the buzz from the alcohol earlier and wrap your arms around his waist, kissing him back. “I had fun tonight.”

He cupped both your cheeks in his hands and peppering them with kisses, each of them making you giggle at the ticklish feeling. “Me too.” There was a final lingering kiss before he pulled away. “Let’s get you ready for bed, alright?” He traced your cheekbones with his finger, and you smiled up at him, nuzzling your cheek against his hand.

“Okay.” He helped you up the stairs and you collapsed onto his bed, your dress riding up your thighs as you laid there, clutching at his soft sheets.

“I’m gonna shower first, alright babe?” He said in the process of removing his shirt. “Wanna join me?”

You shook your head, eyes threatening to close shut as you nuzzled his pillow. “I’m alright. You go first.”

He bit his lip, admiring you splayed out on the sheets for a moment, his mind racing with all the things he could do you tonight if you’d join him in the shower. But of course his fantasies only stay in his head since you’ve been rejecting every single one of his advances for the last three months. It’s always the same excuses : you’re not in the mood, or you’re too tired. 

He sighed. “You sure babe?”

You’re half asleep at this point, just barely conscious as you murmur, “‘m sure.” His tongue poked his cheek and he nodded, saying nothing else and heading inside the bathroom. 

You vaguely hear the shower turn on and about to enter a deep sleep when your phone buzzes.

@/shibayuzuha : oh my god who is this man u’re with on ur story? He is CUTE!!

@/hina_tachibana : was this supposed to be posted on your main? 😢

“What story?” you muttered, rubbing your eyes and sitting up. You click  through your instagram story and rewatch the story you posted a few hours earlier when you were at the club. They were all videos of you and Masato dancing together, kissing, taking shots. Honestly you were buzzed the entire night and you thought you posted them on your private account, much less your close friends. “Oh fuck.”

You went to delete all the stories but the damage was already done, over 300 people already saw it. Oh well. That’s tomorrow’s problem. 

You lay back down, eyelids blinking slowly as you fight back sleep and check your missed phone calls you accidentally ignored. That’s when you see it. A voicemail from Haitani Ran. Any ounce of sleep in your body vanished the moment you sat up quickly, rubbing your eyes checking if you saw correctly.

It was over five minutes long and part of you wanted to delete it, but at this moment, you couldn’t help but be curious. You pressed play and put the phone up to your ear.

“Hey. It’s me. Hope I’m not blocked or whatever, I know how petty you can get.” He chuckled to himself and the deep rumble of it took you back to all those months ago when you’d be laying beside him, head on his chest and just listen to the sound of his heartbeat as he spoke on the phone.

There was a deep inhale and the familiar crackle of him smoking that always used to relax you. “Saw your story by the way. Is that your new boy toy? Two of you look good together.” He exhaled and his voice was kinda slurred. “Kinda glad you moved on though. Thought you’d never get over me to be honest.”

“Oh fuck off,” you mumbled. He was still as full of himself as he was when you both ended things almost a year ago. If this was a regular phone call you would’ve hung up or told him he’s not that special, but you looked down and still saw another six minutes left. What the fuck else could he possibly have to say to you?

He chuckled again, and it was so obvious he was drunk now, which surprised you as he was a heavy weight and in your three years of dating you saw him get drunk only twice. 

“You looked so fucking sexy in that dress, baby.” His groan had you squeezing your thighs together. “I can tell by the way he was holding you in those fucking videos he can’t handle you the way I can. He hasn’t fucked you yet, has he? Bet he’s real gentle and sweet with you not knowing you like it deep, and rough. Fuck, man.” He exhaled, rubbing his palm on his face. “Wanna know what I’d do if I was there with you baby?”

“...yes,” you whispered weakly to yourself. It was pointless; he couldn’t hear you and yet you were responding like he could. Blame it on the alcohol but there was nothing you wanted more than Ran right now.

“Bet you do. I’ll humour you though. I’ll take you to the dance floor and run my hands all over that body of yours, force that pretty head of yours back so I can mark all over your neck. Get you so hot and bothered till you’re begging me to fuck you. That happened one time didn’t it? Remember that one night in the club? I had my hands all over you and you dared me to flip your skirt up and fuck you right there. Man, you were such a tease, and a fucking sadist too. Remember when you said you wanted to watch some schmuck clean up my cum from the floor?”

You giggled and bit your lip, teasing your hands down your stomach. You remembered that night perfectly. Ran changed you when you were dating. You don’t even recognise yourself right now because everything just felt right when you were with him. Those years with him were the best of your life, you were young and figuring shit out. You’re still young and figuring shit out, but without him you’re taking a little longer to come to the conclusion of certain things.

Ran had his ups and downs. He was far from the perfect boyfriend, and he knew that. That’s why he was so surprised when you stayed for all those years despite his flaws. He was emotionally unavailable and never spoke about anything concerning him. He was sometimes rude and blunt when pissed off, and the arguments you both would get into would end up in the two of you ignoring each other for weeks. At first you’d be the one to break the silence and show up to his house and just hug him. He’d always smell like cigarettes and it should’ve disgusted you yet you couldn’t help but feel comfort. The smell was strong and yet it never bothered you when you smelt it on him. You’d apologise, crying in his arms as he embraced you back, rubbing up and down your back as you vented it all out in his chest, wetting his shirt with your tears. If he had people over he’d tell them to get the fuck out, hiding your face in his chest until the door closed.

That was the usual routine until the arguments got worst and your pride grew stronger and you’d refuse to talk to him  until he broke it first. He didn’t believe you at first but after a month of no contact he finally broke it first. Since then, he was always the one apologising first, showing up to your house in the middle of the night at random hours to tell you he’s sorry and didn’t mean what he’d said. 

The ups were better than the downs in the relationship. He’d teach you things, he always made you feel good, and simply being next to him was enough to make your entire week, even if it's for a few hours. He made you feel like the only girl in the world, like the most special girl to exist, and he helped boost your confidence by buying you nice things like clothes, accessories, lingerie, and tell you to look at yourself in the mirror and watch as he worships your body, taking his time to kiss his way down your stomach and thighs, and once he got to your pussy he swore  he could eat you out for hours, just until your thighs were shaking around him.

The memory of his tongue between your legs had your back arching off the bed clutching the phone tighter to your ear as you squeezed a hand between your legs, playing with yourself as he talked you through it over the phone.

“Bet you’re touching yourself right now,” he exhaled shakily. “If you’re not, you better start. Want you to remember how well I fucked you every time. Can you do that for me baby?”

“Mmhmm.” Thankfully Masato takes decades in the shower so you didn’t have to worry about him walking in or hearing. Not like you would’ve cared honestly. He’s not Ran, and he won’t ever be.

“Miss you being my good girl. Fuck. He doesn’t deserve to have his hands all over you. Should send Sanzu over and fuck, get him to cut all his fucking fingers off for touching you like that. Man, I bet that idiot doesn’t know that I fucked you in that same dress you know? That’s what got me so damn bothered right now. Wearing the shit I bought you to go fuck around?”

“‘M sorry,” you whimper, parting your folds and slipping as many fingers as you could fit inside without hurting yourself. No matter whatever you shove inside there, it never feels as good as Ran’s fingers, or tongue, or cock. “Need you so bad Ran.”

“Man, wanna hear how you sound right now. Bet you sound so sweet, like usual. Could you do something for me?” You nodded and stopped your fingers movements, listening to his next words.

“Call me again. I miss you so much it’s crazy. Got so much to talk to you about. It’s been how long? Couple months since I last heard from you. And I know you don’t hate me. You never could. That’s something I love about you. Always there for me when I need you. We both took each other for granted, you know? Deny it all you want but you did. And that’s okay. But I wanted to let you know if you ever come back into my life, I’m not letting you go. For real, not making that mistake again. I dunno why I called you tonight honestly, just drank a lot and now I fucking miss you. Call me or not, it’s up to you.”

Then he said the words that made your heart nearly stop and freeze over in your chest. “I love you.” 

Before you could even say it back the voicemail ended, leaving you conflicted.

[catcze]

oh btw i know that a werewolf is a pretty obvious pick for your newest man but he does look like he'd make for a great vampire who has to actively resist the urge to feed on you because "your blood is... so sweet... and you're so... enticing... just a taste, please..."

or not! who knows ehe <3

Reblogs are greatly appreciated !!

「 CWS : 」 A little suggestive due to the intimate nature of blood drinking, but nothing sexual or even leading up to any sexual activity happens. That being said, if ur bothered by Wrio finding the reader tasting delicious + Reader enjoying being drank from a lot, maybe dont read;;; this is 2k words of non-sexual intimacy and love and trust !!

I have a confession;;;; I really really really love the vampire x human trope,,,,,, even just a teeny tiny bit more than I do the werewolf x human trope,,,, so,,,,, SO,,,,,,,,,, vamp! Wrio is setting all kinds of good signals off in my brain rn;;;;;;; i have;;;;;; many;;;;; many thoughts;;;; ON MY HANDS AND KNEES DONT LET THIS FLOP PLS 💔💔💔

You're on his lap. Wriothesley's on his chair, hands practically clawing into the armrests. You wouldn't be surprised if he'd rip it. His eyes don't know where to look— they flit around every inch of his office, avoiding your own. But they always end up glancing back at your neck no matter how much he tries to pry them away.

He gulps.

"You're hungry."

"I'm not," he immediately denies, ignoring the way his fangs ache at just being able to smell your blood so close.

You frown. "You haven't eaten in a week, Wrio."

"I have—"

"Animal blood doesn't count. That shit can only work for so long, and you know it."

He swallows, hands clenching even tighter, nails digging into leather armrests. He looks away from you, rendered silent.

You watch him as how he tries to ignore you. Delicately, you place a hand on his cheek, urging his eyes back to meet yours.

"Why don't you just ask me?" You murmur. "You know I'd say yes. You know I'd do anything for you."

His face twists. "That's the problem," Wriothesley says bitterly, teeth clenched. Even from here, from the limited view you have past the curl of his lip, you see how his sharp fangs gleam. "I— if I drink from you, I won't want anything else. Ever. I already have a hard enough time just being around you, but if i get even just a taste..." he trails off, swallowing. "You're all I'm going to crave, sweetheart."

Wriothesley expects you to pause or hesitate. Maybe even extract yourself from him. He wouldn't blame you. Ever since the first time his thoughts betrayed him and he wondered what you'd taste like on his tongue (honey and nectar and heaven and ambrosia, all in one) he's been so careful to hide how he hungers for you, lest you think he's a monster who'd hurt you for his own gain.

In an ideal world, you never would have had to see him like this— starving, thirsting. Every single cell in his body urging him to get on his knees and beg you for just a taste. He'd get the fear and the apprehension, even though it'd crack a little piece of his cold, unbeating heart.

But you just roll your eyes and unbutton the collar of your shirt. leaning down so the side of your neck is right within his sight. His mouth dries as the thump of your pulse comes ever closer, freezing him in place.

"You're not going to hurt me," you say, conviction in your voice. You inch closer.

Wriothesley feels another part of his self restraint collapse.

Against his better judgement, he's actually thinking about it now. He crumbled so fast that it might be a little pathetic, he knows. Maybe his mind is addled from the hunger, maybe he's addled by his hunger for you, but he knows that he's fraying with every millisecond that you spend so close.

"No, not— not there," He protests quietly, even though he's itching to reach out and sink his teeth into your pulse. Fuck, you smell delicious up close. He's damn near losing his mind here, the object of his love and the greatest temptation to his gluttony practically sitting on his lap, offering up something that he's craved for so long. Still, he gathers what bits and pieces of his restraint that he can and manages to gently nudge you back, just enough that he can think without being driven mad by the idea of his mouth on your neck.

The protest is already ready on your tongue, but he takes a gentle hold of your wrist instead, pressing a kiss to the tips of each finger. His thumb rubs gentle circles into the skin, and the pulse under his fingers makes the emptiness in his stomach increases tenfold.

"Here," he tells you. "It'll be easier to push me away if you need to."

You say nod, pushing your wrist closer to his mouth. "Drink up," you tell him. He pushes away his hesitation, and with one last lingering kiss, he presses his mouth to your wrist and bites.

And fuck, he was right.

Heaven and sunlight and euphoria bursts on his tongue, making his brain practically short circuit. Wriothesley concludes then and there that compared to you, anything and everything else he's ever tasted was bland in comparison. He can barely even attempt to describe it— with each drop you willingly give, his hunger is both sated and amplified. A sound escapes him, a mix between a groan and a whimper muffled into your skin.

When you hum, warm fingers carding through his hair and urging him to take more, he feels like he ascends. Acting on instinct, his arm snakes around your middle to hold you in place— to keep you close. His grip on you is firm, but he's careful not to dig his fingers too hard into your skin.

And as much as this is affecting him, it's affecting you too. Your head grows light in the best way possible, like you're experiencing a euphoric high. You scratch a bit harder at his scalp, pulling a desperate noise from his lips that makes you tremble in his hold. You'll sit here for as long as he needs to feel better, for as long as he needs you.

Quicker than you would have wanted, Wriothesley reluctantly pulls away. By then the color's only just started to come back to his face and he's panting like he's been on a brisk jog. He looks much less sickly, yes, but you observe with a frown that he's still not quite yet at tip-top shape.

Hesitantly, almost reverently, he presses a kiss to the wound on your wrist, then gives the smallest of licks. it tingles, but after a moment the sting of it fades to a dull throb, and then nothing. But before he can push you off, you're leaning down again, same position as before, with your neck in his line of view. An open invitation.

"You need to drink more," you murmur. You try to ignore the rush of blood in your face, the tingle in your core. For as much as he was scared of getting addicted to you, you fear now you're getting addicted to him, too.

"I shouldn't," Wriothesley says, barely above a whisper.

He should push you off— should let you rest. Should wrap you in his coat and get you some water and a snack after you've already let him drink so much of you.

It had been hard enough to resist earlier, but now? Your blood is pumping so hard he can practically hear it. And you taste so sweet. You had made the slightest of noises when he fed on you— he doubts you even realized it, what with the haze you were in. Just the smallest of whines when he drank from your wrist, but each breathy sigh and whisper of his name was enough to make him crave more.

A small, traitorous corner of his mind wonders if you'd be even more vocal with his teeth on your neck.

He swallows, knowing he's already fighting a losing battle. He's so, so weak for you. His one arm doesn't budge from around your waist, but his hand moves up to cup your cheek. He drags your eyes to meet his, and you can see the seriousness amidst the hunger.

"You tell me if anything hurts." Wriothesley's arm around you tightens almost imperceptibly. "Anything. Please."

You hum, happy, nuzzling closer into the cradle of his grip. "Okay. I know you'll stop if I ask." And oh the faith you have in him has heat pooling in his gut and a foreign pressure grow behind his eyes.

His voice is hoarse he says, "Yeah sweetheart. Of course I will."

He comes close and you shift your head, giving him more space to work. First thing he does isn't even bite— he buries his nose in the crook of your neck, decorating your skin with kisses and licks and nips, delighting in the small protest of 'that tickles!' that he elicits from you.

You let him shower you in affection a little bit more, but eventually your hand works into his hair, tugging. "Okay, no more stalling," you say, breathless. "C'mon, time to eat."

And he's still nervous of taking too much— can feel his stomach roil at just the thought of hurting you, but he trusts you. Trusts you as much as you trust him, too. So he takes another deep breath, presses one last tender kiss to your skin, and sinks his teeth into your neck.

A small whisper of him name escapes our throat just as a groan leaves him because fuck— you taste even better. Flavor multiplied times what feels like a hundred, making his cold cold heart do flips and tricks in his chest. The hand you bury in his hair tugs, pulls, but brings him closer instead of away. You push him further into you, begging him to take more, and he happily obliges.

Wriothesley presses kisses and licks to your neck between drinking down mouthfuls, making sure not to waste a single drop. He's pulling you against his chest so tightly— hand bunched in the back of your top that you fear he might rip the fabric, but you decide that you don't really care if he does.

With each drink he takes, each satisfied, muffled noise that leaves him, you feel yourself melt more and more against him until you're boneless in his hold. Despite how he drinks as if it's his last, he still has the good mind to shift you a bit higher in his lap, to make sure he's holding you comfortably. His hand rubs soothing circles into your hip, and he tries to recline back into his seat as much as he can so you can lean into him.

Your heart pounds even harder, the blood rushing to your ears, and you think he feels it with the way his hunger seems to double.

Your eyes are half-lidded, gaze hazy and growing sleepy with each progressive second. But it doesn't hurt in the slightest. You feel warm, if anything— warm and happy that you were able to help him, and make sure he's well.

He's slowing a little. His hunger finally abating and making way for something more tender and soft. You scratch his scalp lovingly and lean your head against his. A sweet, sleepy kiss pressed to his temple makes his pace falter.

Wriothesley soon separates himself from your neck, pressing a kiss and a kitten lick to your newest wound. Like the one on your wrist, it tingles for just a bit before any stinging or pain vanishes entirely.

"Hey baby," he murmurs, pulling away slightly to look at your face, but making sure his arm is still wrapped around you. To keep you steady, to remind you that he's here. He smiles a little at your happy, dazed expression, but even now you can see the lingering worry. "You with me?"

You respond with a hum, nodding as best as you can. "Yeah. 'm okay."

Wriothesley laughs a little, watching you stumble over your words. He lets you fall flat against his chest with you head hanging on his shoulder and cradles you against him. One hand goes to twine your fingers with his, desperate to hold you as much as he can, and the other snugly tucks your head under his chin. In his embrace, you feel the beat of your heart gradually slow back to a calm. It leaves you boneless and tired, the crash of it all finally hitting you and making your eyelids flutter.

"That's good." You can feel the rumble of his voice in his chest. "Did anything hurt at all, honey?"

You shake your head. Too tired to look up at him, so you squeeze his hand instead. A kiss is pressed to the apple of his throat. "Nothing. I'm just tired, 's all. I'm fine."

He holds you closer, the lump in his throat making it hard to speak. "Yeah. Yeah, that's good. Thank you, my love. Let's get you something to eat and drink, then we sleep— how does that sound?"

You just hum your agreement, limbs feeling heavier and heavier with each passing second. Wriothesley places a kiss to the crown of your head. With utmost gentleness, he cradles you in his arms as he stands, trying not to jostle you as he makes his way out of the room.

"I love you, sweetheart," he murmurs, heart growing three sizes in his chest, arms full of the most precious thing in his world.

You bury yourself further into him. "Love you more, Wrio."

[ #Taglist registration here !! ]

[seiwas]

Hi SELLLL!!

I like to think of osamu built a lil squishy n soft yk? He’s muscular, great biceps, THICC THIGHS just not as toned as his brother 🥹 but he’s just so yummyyy. N maybe a teeny tiny bit of tummy. he gives such great hugs let me not even get started.

N soft, romantic domestic moments with him oh lord. When onigiri miya is closed for the day, ur with him helping him clean up, count the day’s profits…when ur all done n most of the lights are off, it’s just u on top of the cash counter, him n his thick fingers deep inside u while he mumbles praises. N HIS TONGUE GAME TOO IS SSKHDJDH when u come undone on his face he’s thanking u for being the best and the most supportive wife, for being so good for him always. i have more thots but unfortunately my brain is not able to process it atp so have this word garbage 😋

zuro anon

zuro anon hello omg 🥺 that is so cute 🥺

osamu as soft and squishy!!! muscular yes yes the biceps YES and the thicc thighs YES and definitely not as toned as atsumu YES sdfbsa YUMMY IS THE TERM SDFBJSHA i think osamu is also just so much stronger despite atsumu looking more physically 'fit' 🥺 all the rice during taste testing has to go somewhere, but it's all for good bc osamu does give the best hugs, you are so right zuro anon.

....... and that..... soft... romantic... oh my god zuro anon....

th-thick... f-fingers... oh MY GOD. my GOD. ZURO ANON. i am kissing ur brain cells LMAO i am so... SOOO... oh my god want him so bad i CANNOT RN

@soumies get ur man or else i might eat him

[bountycancelled]

rating how SEVENTEEN would react if you wore revealing clothes in front of the members (hyung line edition)

maknae line version here

genre: rating-headcanon hybrid, suggestive lol, gn reader

requested: nope

warnings: suggestive stuff and delusionality

a/n: procrastinating finishing my beomgyu smau and starting my seungcheol smau with this piece of crap, enjoy~

seungcheol

-100/10. does a double take when he sees what you're wearing, thinks about doing not-so family friendly things with you but then realises that you guys aren't alone and is immediately pushing you back up the stairs.

he's still deliberating on whether he pushed you into ur shared bedroom to fuck or to try to convince to change.

you juke him and run down the stairs before he makes his decision, and he spends the rest of game night holding onto you and literally intercepts ur celebrations with the members you've been paired up with.

when the night comes to an end and the members start to leave, he throws you on the couch, wwe style before poor vernon even makes it out the door lol.

jeonghan

3/10. he's not possessive like seungcheol but he gets really distracted to the point where the other members want you to change so he can focus lol.

you get paired up with him for 30 seconds cuz no one else wanted him but he doesn't take in any of ur explanations and you end up in last place.

has to get pinched back into reality several times by different members cuz he keeps on giving you bedroom eyes when he's supposed to be explaining the words on the damn card.

ends up deciding to end game night prematurely and shoos everyone out of the house so he can have his way with you

joshua

7/10. gets distracted for a bit because how could he not when you look so sexy, but catches himself mid looking you up and down.

you catch his eyes flick up and down your body when it's ur turn for charades but it's only for a split second cuz he's a gentleman or whatever.

overly affectionate, partly because he's a teeny bit jealous that the other members get to see you like this but mostly because he just can't resist you.

at the end of the night when the other members are taking their leave, he literally drags you upstairs because his patience has officially snapped, but it's okay cuz he behaved himself throughout.

jun

5/10. a mixture of nonchalant, lowkey jealous and also kinda horny.

swears to himself he's not jealous, but wants you to sit in his lap throughout the whole night even thought that isn't possible cuz he could see ur cards.

he begrudgingly let's you off of his lap but grips your thigh with his hand when mingyu rests his arm on the space behind your head.

this ends up backfiring though cuz the hand on ur thigh makes him hyperaware of your sexiness and now he's not focusing on the game and wait, wtf how did he lose already?

pretends he's not feeling well right before the game ends and scares you when you walk into your shared bedroom, only to make out with you right after it's the gemini in him

hoshi

2 ¾/10. not jealous at all but hella distracted the whole time.

this man's head is in the clouds the millisecond he lays his eyes on you and it's obvious to everyone including yourself.

gets upset when he doesn't end up in the same team as you and makes you sit on his lap even though ur on opposing sides, like he literally protests until everyone just let's him get his way.

complimenting you the whole way through, tbh he forgets game night is happening like 16 times, and his team just gives up on him halfway though.

throws you off of his lap during the mafia game and you bust your ass on the floor but he makes it up to you with a quickness when the members leave.

wonwoo

9/10. his eyes flicker to you and when he sees what you're wearing, he gets a little jealous but won't outwardly show it.

he's not a territorial kind of guy, but he does have a hand on you for most of the night.

he actually really enjoys game nights with the members and doesn't even pay much attention to you, safe for the occasional look in your direction, because hello? ur literally look so hot rn?

game night starts, continues and finishes without so much as a peep from wonwoo about ur choice of outfit but as soon he closes the door on the last of his members, you can literally feel a change in the air whew chile, good luck bestie.

woozi

10/10 or 1/10 depending on ur perspective. woozi, does not, can not and will not give a fuck about ur outfit during game night.

he's not the type to be easily riled up or made jealous, especially not by ur choice of clothing, and he knows his members are respectful of your relationship so it's all good to him.

it's nice that he has a strong sense of security, but damn, he doesn't even hold ur hand...

even when mingyu makes a lowkey flirty comment towards you, he just rolls his eyes, smacking mingyu on the head for good measure before going back to the game at hand immediately.

shoos the members away at exactly 11 pm and passes out on the couch before you even get to spend one-on-one time with him lol.

permanent taglist: @soobin-chois @enhacolor @evangelinevolturi

send ask to be added to permanent taglist!

[heartshapedcreaturefromcriptoon]

I’m so fucking sick of this pattern of bullshit every time I go into these goddamn fucking tags:

I’m so fucking sick of all these bizarro unhinged Vivziepop Fanti Fandom Centrist “Critical Accounts” invading the tags to finger wag at people while they cry about abuse and hypocrisy as they, ~in all seriousness~ try to convince us how Viv Medrano is simply too young to be a critically acclaimed animation juggernaut and instead, just needs to have her pencil taken away from her and should like, probably be placed under a conservatorship of some sort and have her babies be placed into the hands of a more capable man, or should be institutionalized for the good of her own health for being naïve enough to hold the notion that her tiny teeny jelly beanie brain could possibly hold enough power in it to run two shows at once and she should just like, you know... Stay out of sight in the psych ward until she can learn to let go of her crazy dreams because clearly she’s killing herself and her own fanbase are the ones who keep feeding off of, and abusing that numbing drug that is her bruised ego. 

The antis who kept wishing death on her and accusing her of being a racist, pedo zoophile have absolutely nothing to do with wether she’s actually depressed or not (not that that’s any of this blogs business) but how DARE you think I endorse those behaviors! Shame on YOU Vivziepop Standom! 

Breaking the bit now though I knew this was a bullshit post the second they started rambling about “both shows slowly declining”.... Hazbin Hotel isn’t even out yet what the fuck are these people on about?! Sounds like someone’s more than a bit angry about Angel Dust’s Boob Floof Angle. 

A. Once more, the absolute eeriness of misogynists concern trolling over this women’s health by instructing her what to do. So like, another example of the disturbing implications of behaving like you’d rather have this women be placed under a conservatorship than be her own Show Creator..

B. Who the fuck even talks like this anymore? I sense that squeecore is more your thing, but I thought you of all people would know better that we are in fact in The Owl House generation of Yuri themed Harry Potter rip offs now. Not *Actual* Harry Potter. Get a life. 

Once again this shit has absolutely fuck all to do to with Anti Culture screaming and creaming over Viv Medrano allegedly loving blackface and raping children and dogs and hitting the ground running with this narrative the second the pilot premiered and before the show even got any breathing room as this backlash to her very existence only worsened as time went on and her work got green-lit by this major Hollywood studio only to be immediately protested after by the same rabid hive mind who triggered all this shit happening in the first place. Nope. It’s exclusively Vivziepops own fanbase that’s to blame. Nothing else.

....Why is this dude talking about Viv as if she’s been placed on suicide watch and he’s the medic responsible for bringing her in? Jesus. The woman making a tweet a week ago about taking a break from socials proves to be the exact opposite of “hurting herself”.

The ones who are trying to act as her personal policers obsessing over every breath she takes and every move she makes are the only ones contributing to any hurt and suffering here. Including mine. Quit being a creep and get a life!

 Disney Adult Blog

Bright Blue Color Scheme

Marvel Blog 

“Just A Little Critique blog”

“DNI if anti hazbin (with a few exceptions if ur one of da good ones ... UWU)”

oh-god-dude , THANK YOU for being yet another shining example of how all Hazbin Fanti Discourse blogs have shit taste, no space for their centrist bullshit opinions within the genuine fandom, and continue to be the most insidious frickers alive for enabling the very Anti Culture that causes so much harm to come invade our spaces and then turn around and act as though the only ones who are responsible for Viv’s own personal experiences with pain and suffering that you couldn’t possibly know of, is all inflicted by her own fans and absolutely no one else as if you think you’re not contributing just as much to our problems .  We hate you!

Like, the absolute gall and irony of modding an Anti Friendly “VivziePop Criticism” blog, acting like you’re not an Anti while you’re using a reaction gif of one of Britney Spear’s abusive ex boyfriends to snidely “critique” Viv Medrano’s work while you put your little fanti cult on a pedestal as you essentially treat Vivienne Medrano as the Britney Spears of modern animation (in the negative context here) constantly posturing over Medrano’s health and wellness and questioning Viv’s own agency to be in control because you’re just as bitter and misogynistic and resentful towards Viv as the ones who ruined Britney’s life and then act like they did nothing wrong? Delicious.

Well, Owl House ain’t going back to you, that’s for sure!

For me Hazbin is just catered to be the perfect treat for a specific kind of adult Animation nerd to indulge and I’m only saying this now because I’ve come reconcile with the fact that Viv Medrano’s work will most like be the only sets of Western Cartoons that I’ll ever care about again in my Adult Life after Hazbin Hotel is finished as a series.

But hey, if you wanna still choose Disney Cartoons that were canceled for being too gay over an enriching indie adult animation..... Be my guest.

If an Adult Cis Man posted this I’m kind of disappointed and squicked out.

If a kid posted this then they need to stay out of these tags!

The rest of you need to stop mixing your children’s media in with my Animated Adult Horror Musical!

But yes, everyone needs to stop hate humping on Viv Medrano’s leg and just leave her alone.

[ji-yaaan]

𝓗𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓗𝓸𝓵𝓭𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓣𝓲𝓶𝓮~

With: Leona, Sebek, Jade, Floyd, Vil, Kalim

Warning: So I know that what I made is really annoying for others... so I'd like to warn you that at the beginning, you will see me ramble about the character's hands. If you want to skip to the hc, go to where the 🤝 emoji is. ^~^

Note:Also, I’d like to address that I do not know how to make Headcanons for the life of me.... So this is just me making a shameless hc, with my shameless hand addiction, fueling my shamelessness, as I shamefully self insert myself in these things I wrote... Forgive me for my shamelessness.... Also, pardon me for my annoying commentary and emojis. I simply do not know how to control my excitement and my feelings so😔👊

AND YES! I THINK THIS IS A CRACK HC LOL!

LEONA KINGSCHOLAR:

-I'd like to break the silence by saying... LEONA'S HANDS ARE BIG AND MUSCULAR! Leona works out in magift so it's a given that he'd have scrumptious big hands😳😳😳

-Leona's hands are chonky😳 he has long fingers that will surely make yours look very small! Also look at Leona's nails! Its ok looking for me, but it's pretty neat so👌👌👌👌

-Leona's got this rough and rugged look, so I think his hands will probably be kinda rough, BUT NOT THE CRUSTY ROUGH! it's more of the manly rough. A firm hold with his loaded wrist😏

Ok curious what will happen if you hold hands? I gotchu fam:🤝

-Imagine if the both of you were napping and you suddenly intertwined you fingers with his. Leona is a sleepy boi, BUT MAN! HE IS AWARE! Lion boi felt ur hands creeping unto his, but he'll pretend he didn't know that😏

-Leona LOVES holding hands! Only at private tho. This cat boy will never admit to that, but keep holding his hands and look at his reaction. He. Won't. Shrug. You. Off.😏😏👊

-Also when you play and fidget with leona's hands when you're doing premarital hand holding which is illegal btw he loves it when he looks at you spaced out fumbling your fingers with his.

-Leona has big hands, so he'll definitely make yours look wayyyyy smaller. AND LION BOI FINDS THIS ADORABLE! DO NOT FORGET THY HOLY WORDS!

-Lion boi is secretly the type to hold your hands when you're sleeping. He plays with your fingers, admiring how cute and small it is.

-Oh wait...Oops...he got caught... LEONA IS CAUGHT RED HANDED?😳 You wake up finding leona playing with your hands? It's either he turns on his back from embarrasment and tells you to sleep, or he squeezes your hands tighter and burries your face in the crook of his neck from embarrassment. He'll play it off as annoyed, but cat got his toungue huh?. Oh wait.... He IS the big cat😏😏😏

Ok enough babbling with leona...

SEBEK ZIGVOLT:

AHAHAHAHAHA YES MY FAVORITE HANDS! Cough, I'm sorry about that

-Sebek has proportional hands. His is more on the medium-big side. But it is perfectly proportional! At least in my eyes...😳

-The back of his hands are smooth and spotless! Very scumptious to look at! Pls look at sebek's hands too!😳😳😳

-Bebek has PRETTY NAILS UGHHH! He most likely trims and takes care of it every week! Not the best nails, BUT VERY NEAT!😳

-Bebek is a highkey fanboy of malleus, so he trains everyday to protecc his God and saviour Malmal. Naturally, he'll have calloused and rough hands... BUT DO NOT FRET MY CHILDREN! It is not that noticable which shookt me. His hands are a bit roughed up, welp can't help it, he's a man with mang jobs after all. (Yes, I call him bebek because sebek is babey🥺)

Curious what will happend if you hold hands with Bebek? I gotchu fam:🤝

-Sebek is a child so he won't really initiate first on holding hands. BUT WHEN YOU DO! OH BOI!😏 

-Sebek has this transparent look to his skin... Almost ghostly per say. BUT WHEN YOU HOLD HIS HANDS... Sebek is not used to this interaction so expect a tomato in front of you... Sebek's face is flushed red reaching down to his neck, and the fun part is, even his hands are blushy blushy😏😏😏😏

-After the first time the both of you held hands. Sebek will crave for it A LOT! Expect him to randomly start akwardly making way to you hands and play with it while the both of you are just chilling. Akward..... Sebek.exe will stop working when you look at him confuse, in which he'll get flustered, and ask if he can hold your hands. ADORKABLE!

-It would take him some time trying to calm himself down, all flushed and red embarrased from asking to hold hands.

-At first, Sebek will firmly hold your hands, stiff and afraid he might break your fingers or something.... Pls tell him to relax and just chill🥺🥺🥺

-When the both of you gets used to hand holding, Bebek is the type to kiss your hands as a gesture of Love....hgnnn hot!😳😳😳

I'm sorry, I'm letting my personal hand bias get the best of me..😳👉👈

JADE LEECH:

-HGNNN JADE HAS SQUISHY HANDS!😳😳

-Jade has big hands folks.... Big hands..... Perfect for unscrewing the cap of the holy water bottle.🤠

-mushroom boi has squishable hands in my eyes and you can never change my mind.

-his skin is probably smooth and sleek too, his palms must be soft but firm😳😳

-Jade has this grip that makes you feel safe for some reason. Maybe because it's big? or maybe because it's soft?

Wanna know what it's like to hold hands with mushroom boi? I gotchu:🤝

-Jade...oh Jade.... He is the first one to hold your hands in a surprise. Like... imagine after school ends, you ran up to him and he swiftly intertwines his firngers with yours..😳😳

-You are flushed from this sudden hand holding. Red cheeks, red neck. JADE FINDS THIS VERY SCRUMPTIOUS! Mushroom boi will try to push you on edge. Holding both of your hands tighter, and fumbling his fingers with yours. You're just standing there starstruck and embarrased by the sudden hold. Jade is enjoying this too much...😏😏😏

-Of course, to add more to the fun, JADE IS THE TYPE TO KISS THE BACK OF YOUR HANDS TO TEASE YOU!😳

-if you try to pull away from embarrassment...oh no.... You're just begging for Jade to tease you more huh? He'll hold you tighter and maybe even hug you.

-What if you try to hold his hands first? Oh my... Prepare yourself....if you try to hold his hands, he'll just smile like normal, but as time passes by and both of you are pretty relaxed now...that won't do.... He'd pull your hand he's holding and rest his cheeks at the back of your hand, he'd stare straight at you and tell you how much he loves you....😳😳😳

-goodluck on dealing with embarassment Jade stans (oho i know you love it)

FLOYD LEECH:

-ANOTHER EEL BOI COMING RIGHT UP!

-Floyd is whooping 191cm, it's common sense he has very big hands. Perfect for flipping the pages of the holy bible.😏😏😏

-This man child has some big rough hands! Expect your hands to look very small beside his!

- Also I want to tell you about Floyd's knuckles......I think I found my new religion now... Check out Floyd's knuckles!!😳😳😳👌

- Floyds's wrist is big too....mhmmm scrumptious eel martini😳👌

Do you want to know what it feels like to do premarital hand holding with this hot eel? ME TOO! Illegal hand holding time!🤝

-"Your hands are tiny koebi chan~" Floyd is the first one to randomly hold ur hands.😳

-If Floyd gets bored, he'd try to find interesting things to do to kill of the boredom. HMMM?! Do you see that? Koebi chan's hands! Eel boi will casually start playing with your fingers, squishing your palms as you sit there confused and embarrassed.

-He'll eventually intertwine his fingers with yours, as he points to it with his other hands and say "How cute~ koebi chan's hands are tiny!" Grinning widely with his teeth showing. Practically speaking, you are just putty in this eel boi's hands now. You are a blushing mess.😏😏 FLOYD HOW CAN ONE BE CUTE AND HOT AT THE SAME TIME?

-Eventually, floyd will start to crave having your fingers to hold on to! When you're randomly walking down the halls, don't be surprised if a random eel surprises you by linking your fingers together.🥺🥺

-Whenever eel boi sees you, he'd grab your hands automatically. He loves holding your teeny tiny hands with his big ones.😳

-When you avert your attention to something else, he made this habit of squeezing your hands a bit and looking at you with a pouty face. UGHHH MY HEART HURTS THINKING ABOUT IT-

-Whenever he gets jealous, he grabs unto your hands quite tightly, even if the both of you are out in public. Let's say a random dude keeps on talking to you. He'll grab your hands that’s still intertwined with his, and he'll bring it very very VERY CLOSE to his face.😳😳😳 Then he'd look at you straight in the eye as he bites unto your palms. He'd whisper "You're mine right? Koebi-chan~"😳😳😳

I'm getting too much into floyd, this is starting to become a fanfic🤦

VIL SCHOENHEIT:

-MY CRUSTY VILL~🥺🥺🥺

-Ok vil's hands aren't crusty ok? He may be crusty, but not his hands!!!

-My man vil drowns in hand creams, so expect his hands to feel like clouds. It's soft, smooth and most importantly SQUISHYYY!😳😳😳

-Looking at vil's hands is not that exciting ngl... BUT HIS LAB COAT ONE IS👌 very beautiful👌very scrumptious👌

-Vil has proportional and perfect hands. Fingers are in the medium side, so as his hand size. Very perfect indeed.

-His hands might look frail and feminine at first, BUT MAN! You are so wrong! From a gentle hold, it can escalate to a very strong hot grip in seconds.😳

-The back of his hands looks smooth tbvh. And his nails are ok. BUT HE PROBABLY PUTS A LOT OF EFFORT IN MAKING HIS HANDS PERFECT! SO KUDOS TO MY CRUSTY VIL!🥺

Let's hold Vil's hands illegally ok? Don't tell the cops shhhhh! Hand holding time:🤝

-It would start off as a normal vibing session. The both of you are probably having tea, studying, or mainly just chilling in the lounge.

-But suddenly... Vil takes notice of your hands...Hold your wigs kids.... he'd ask you if you've been taking care of your hands, in which you answer "no" shamefully.

-But Vil will then smile at you and tell you you should take care of your hands and use hand creams to prevent them from going rough! He'll lecture you about how you should take care of yourself so the both of you can be perfect and beautiful together.

-Suddenly vil whips out a handcream from his bag, and he'll ask you for your hands.

-As embarrasing as it sounds. The most beautiful man in twisted wonderland is putting handcream on you.😳😳😳

-Vil would definitely massage your small fingers and compliment how pretty your hands are. He'd tell you how cute your nail are and how soft your palms are. Thats it. You're a blushing mess right now!!😳😳

-You'd try to look away from embarrasment, but when vil sees this... Oh boy... He'd pout, and as he's massaging your hands. He'd intertwine your fingers with his, to make you look at his direction again.

-Vil would definitely kiss your fingers and say "You're beautiful, my love."

VIL I LOVE YOU! ok thats all for that, I'm dying rn.

KALIM AL-ASIM:

-Kalim you adorkable sunshine boi😳😳😳

- Kalim has smol hands, BUT NOT TOO SMALL! I'd say, it's probably perfect for you to hold hands with.😏😏😏

-His nails are also small, I think? But it's cute, and turns out i'm a sucker for cuties.🥺

-His lab card is scrumptious.... Both the hands and the food he is cooking...😳😳😳 I hope i'm not the only one who thinks that.....

-ALSO HE HAS A LOT OF ACCESSORIES IN HIS HANDS WHICH I'M WEAK FOR! omg his bracelets and bangles are making me feel hot and bothered.😳😳😳

-Anyways, kalim is sunshine so expect his hands to be warm and full of infectious positivity.🥺

Wanna have a chance to hold kalim's hands? Ur in for a ride fam!🤝

-At first, you's simply be invited for a flying carpet ride by ya sunshine boi, kalim. Pretty simple huh? Nahhhhh! 

-Of course, in order to get to the carpet where kalim is, sunshine boi needs to lift you up in the air.

-Kalim will offer his hands whilst riding on the carpet. Hggnnn such a cliche scene from a movie🥺👌

-But the thing is...... Even if you're already in the magic carpet, sunshine boi will forget he was holding your hands...😏

-He'll keep on telling fun stories and talking to you while both of you are high up in the clouds. Oops.... You noticed you're holding kalim's hands... You went red and flushed from embarrasment. Your hands begin to get sweaty as you stare at the both of yours and kalim's hands together...

-Expect your sunshine boi to take notice of this and ask you what's wrong... You'd point at his hands embarrasingly as you look away in the other direction.

-To your surprise, when you look at kalim again. Kalim is beet red too! A BEET RED KALIM IS RARE! DO NOT FORGET THIS MOMENT GAMERS!🥺🥺🥺

-He'd ask you if it's ok to hold onto your hands maybe just a little bit more???? It's not a sin to ask for more right?😏

-Kalim lets go of your hands for a moment. BUT DONT WORRY! he'll just try to properly hold your hands this time! He'll intertwine his fingers with yours, and maybe lightly squeeze it too.😳

-After this brief akward moment, Kalim goes back to his sunshine tendencies. Smiling brightly like the sun he is🥺🥺🥺

-When your night ride is over PLS DONT LET GO OF KALIM'S HANDS YET! he'll be a bit sad if you do😔👊

-But when the both of you lands on the ground...Kalim would grab the both your hands, and put them both on his cheek.He'd intertwine his fingers with yours from the back of your hands and the both of you probably just wants to melt then and there.

-He'll tell you "please dont go yet!" KALIM UR SO ADORABLE! PLS HUG KALIM!🥺👊

The End ^~^

I just babbled about my hand worshipping tendencies all throughout this headcanon... I'm sorry about that pls. stone me gently for I have sinned....

Tags: @muraenxdae You're the one who suggested this, take responsibility.... @cursedtwst let's lick their hands together ok? @edgymcmytrash u said u wanna be tagged? SUFFER! @nightingale-oath let's be shameless together ok?😳👉👈

[harringtonstudios]

bail. (part I)

plot: your weekend was supposed to be chill, now you’re running around early morning trying to figure out what exactly went wrong. part 2!

A/N: super long and different! i hope you like this anon! please lmk ur thoughts

taglist: @iamdorka @no-shxt-sherl @bakerkells @findingmyth​ @rosegoldrichie​ @mayaslifeinabox​ @itjustkindahappenedreally​ @hnbtx​

Getting a phone call at 3:42am when you were knocked out on a hotel bed in Portland was not how you expected your weekend to go. The worst part was when you groggily reached for your cell phone, only to see a random number pop up on your screen. Shrugging it off, you pulled your head under the thick blanket, closing your eyes. 

Two minutes later, the phone went off again and you snapped open your eyes. Grabbing your phone this time, you picked up the call, bringing it to you ear before murmuring, “Who the fuck-”

“Hey Y/N. It’s Colson,” the man said on the other side and you glared at the ceiling, immediately placing his voice. Of course, he would be calling you at almost four in the morning from some random number. 

“Why are you calling me?” you muttered, pulling your covers back over you. 

“So there’s a little situation see,” he started and you scowled, knowing that this was going to require you actually getting up. 

“Where’s Rook,” you questioned, trying to figure out if your little brother was caught up in this mess. If he wasn’t, you would let someone else handle it. You weren’t Colson’s babysitter, both of you were too fiery to be put in a room together anyways. Anytime you were together, there were always bitten-back insults, glares thrown across rooms, and dumb competitions to prove you were better than each other. 

“He’s here, he called, but you didn’t pick up. I got the phone after and you’re the only person we know here with us,” he rambled and you huffed, getting up off the bed.

“Where are you?” you asked, walking over to the bathroom, trying to see if you needed to pee before you left. 

“County jail,” Colson muttered on the other end and your eyes widened. Before you could say anything, he blurted out, “Look I know, I know. Can you just bring us bail? I’ll pay you back, but we can’t stay the night here.” 

Pulling on pants, you grabbed your coat and wallet as the line suddenly started to beep. “I’m coming,” you got out before the call cut off. 

-

The empty, cold streets of Portland were not inviting. There was nobody around, the kid sitting on the main desk in the lobby, typing away on his phone. You had walked out of the hotel into total darkness, so you went back in, sitting on the couches as you called a Lyft. 

Within five minutes, the car had pulled up. Getting in the backseat, you threw a smile to the driver, praying that he wouldn’t ask why you needed to go to jail. Your prayers didn’t work, a minute into the ride, the driver glanced in the mirror before saying, “So, county jail huh? What’s that story?”

You stared at the front seat. “My brother and his stupid friends got themselves locked up for the night,” you responded, keeping it simple. Chewing on the inside of your cheek, you stole a glimpse at the GPS setup on his dashboard. Just five more minutes. 

“You going to bail them out?” he pushed, smiling when you glared at him in the mirror. “Something like that,” you murmured and he got the message, turning on the radio as you stared out the window. 

The county jail came into view and you braced yourself for the mess you were going to walk into. “Thanks dude,” you blurted, before getting out of his car. 

“Hey, good luck,” he threw your way, rolling his window to wave. You smiled awkwardly before walking into the building. The lady at the front desk was filing her nails as the man behind her sat with his head down. There was a bench, two guys sitting there, slumped on top of each other. 

Grimacing, you walked up to the desk. 

“Hi, I’m here to bail out a couple of people,” you started, and the lady gave you a look, eyebrows raised as she put her nail file down. 

“Names?” she muttered, reaching down to sort through what looked like files. 

“JP Cappelletty, Colson Baker,” you spoke, faltering at the end. “Did anyone else come in with them?” you asked, biting your lip, hoping for a no. 

“Yeah, do you know his name?” she asked, slapping three files onto her desk. 

“Um Slim,” you bit out. 

“Government name?” she questioned, flipping open a chart. 

“I don’t know that,” you responded, hand nervously tapping on the desk. 

She looked up at you, glaring for a second, before shouting, “MIKE. BRING THE THREE GUYS UP FRONT.”

You flashed her a smile, reaching into your purse for your wallet. 

“I’ll need you to sign a couple of papers. It’ll be $302 per person. You want a receipt?” she stated, reaching for her machine. 

“A receipt would be great,” you responded, trying not to freak out about dropping over $900 on bail. 

“You’ll have to call up your credit card company, let them know you’re paying a large amount,” she finished, reaching for the card in your hand. 

“Yeah, okay. First thing in the morning,” you nodded, eyes clocking on the movement behind her. 

Colson was shuffling in front, head hanging. You could see Slim at the back, nose looking slightly busted. Rook was in the middle of them and although, you couldn’t really see him, you knew he was probably scuffed up. They all were in handcuffs, clanking as they moved to the front, near the gated door. 

“Lady! I said sign here,” the woman said, snapping at you. You looked down at the six different sheets. 

“Sorry,” you mumbled, taking a pen from her. Signing off on all the documents, you pushed them back her way. 

“Mike, they’re good to go,” the woman motioned, and you heard a buzz. Walking to the gated door, you stood back as it swung open. 

Colson got uncuffed first, rubbing at his wrists. Your eyes widened at his knuckles, swollen and purple. Stepping out, he came to stand behind you, murmuring a soft, “Thanks.” 

Rook was next, and you sighed, seeing his black eye. He looked up at you, eyes watering and you quickly pulled him in for a hug. 

“You okay?” you asked, patting his back. 

“Yeah, this is so fucked,” he muttered and you let out a little laugh as he sniffed. 

“You’re lucky I won’t tell dad about this,” you responded, pushing him slightly as Slim stepped out. 

“Y/N! You’re the best,” he boomed, as he leaned down for a hug. You gave him a quick one, head turning as you smelled the alcohol wafting off of him. 

“Thanks Mike,” you said, arms shoving the three of them towards the exit. They all stumbled outside and you waited until the door of the office closed before turning to face them. 

“What the FUCK. You’re all drunk, busted up, falling on top of each other, in fucking JAIL!” you shouted, arms waving around as they stood there. 

“What’d you shitheads do?” you barked at them, eyes focusing on Colson, who was avoiding your gaze. 

“Y/N, chillll,” Slim mumbled, swaying slightly. 

“Oh fuck no,” you scoffed. 

“I’ll tell you everything. Can we just get home?” Colson quietly muttered. He spared you a glance, eyes slightly red. 

You called another Lyft, sitting down on the front steps of the station. Rook sat next to you, head falling on your shoulder. 

“Don’t blame him Y/N,” he said, hand hitting your knee. 

“J,” you started, “You wouldn’t be in this mess if it wasn’t for him.” 

“That’s not true. We both know that,” Rook responded and you looked up at the sky, hoping you had enough patience to deal with this. 

-

Sitting in the passenger seat, you stared at the driver’s mirror, watching the boys in the back. Slim had slumped against the leather, eyes closed. Rook was half on top of him, mouth open as he drooled. Colson was the only one awake, biting his lip staring out the window. 

A part of you wanted to yell at him, scold him for getting your little brother tangled up with this lifestyle, being a bad influence. But another part of you wanted to give him a hug, stroke his hair off his forehead. And then there was a teeny, tiny part of you that wanted to kiss his stupid, chapped lips, play with his broken fingers, hold ice against his purpled knuckles. 

That part of you was new. You had always thought you hated Colson, despised him for messing up Rook’s life, and that’s why you two were always biting at each other. But then this weekend, he had hurled his usual insults and you’d seen something sparkle in his eye. And then you’d both gotten fucked up off of ecstasy and he whispered your name, and all of a sudden all you could think about was him on top of you, panting out your name over and over again. You’d run off to bed then, claiming that you were tired, but really you were overthinking every single interaction you’d had with Colson since knowing him. 

-

Pulling up to the hotel, you thanked the driver. Opening the back door, you helped the three idiots, trying to keep their limbs in check as they sleepily slumped out. Colson was the last one, slamming the door closed before throwing you a weak smile. Holding up Slim, he asked, “I’ll make sure he gets back to his room. You trust me enough for that?”

You nodded, wrapping Rook’s arm around your neck so you could lift him slightly. “Can we talk before you go to bed?” you pushed, knowing that if you put this off until tomorrow, the conversation wouldn’t happen. He wasn’t sober, but this was the closest you would get to hearing the entire story of tonight without all three of the guys changing around details. 

“Yeah, come over after Rookie’s in bed,” he murmured over his shoulder. You smiled at the use of Rook’s little nickname, and then caught yourself quickly, throwing a neutral face back on. Getting into the elevator, you suddenly felt exhausted, the night taking a toll on you. 

-

Stomach grumbling as soon as you pushed Rook into bed, you looked around the floor for any snack machines. Remembering the cereal box you had stolen from breakfast back in your room, you went upstairs. Reaching your door, you stood in front, rooting around in your purse for the key card. Coming up empty, you frowned, trying again to feel the cool piece of plastic. Nothing. 

Then, it hit you. You had left the key on the table next to your hotel bed, taking it out of your purse since this was supposed to be your last night here. “Fuck,” you muttered, rushing to the elevator door. Walking out into the lobby, you went to the front desk, only to see it empty. There was nobody around to talk to and you let out another curse as your phone buzzed.

Colson Baker: you can come over. room 536.

Deciding to go up first, you got back on the elevator, praying for an easy talk. Knocking on the door, you edged it open before walking in. Colson sat on his bed, leaning against the backboard. His long legs were stretched out in front of him and he’d kicked off his shoes, socked feet crossed at the end. He was holding a jar of peanut butter in one hand and a spoon in the other, and you pushed his feet aside as you plopped on the edge of his bed. 

“Pass the peanut butter?” you asked, gesturing to the jar in his hand. He snorted before leaning off the backboard to give it over. Taking the jar, you hesitated before reaching over to take his spoon too. Dipping it in, you scooped up a nice spoonful before eating it. 

“Mmhm, I’m starving,” you murmured between thick peanut butter. 

“Me too, give it back,” he said, arm reaching out as you moved back out of reach.

“Nope. Not until you explain this shitty situation,” you said, smiling sweetly as you took another spoonful. 

He sighed before leaning back fully, hand rubbing over his face. He had a little bit of stubble, highlighted by the dim yellow of the lamp. His knuckles looked worse here, deep purple and you reached out before you could help yourself. Bringing his hand up to your eyes, you ran a finger over the bruises. 

“Colson,” you sighed out and he shifted a little, sitting upright so that he was closer to you. 

“I know,” he started, and you looked up at him. 

“What happened,” you asked, letting his hand drop in between you both. 

“We were at a bar. I was fucked up already. Slim and Rook had smoked a little, but then they drank and got crossed. There was a group of girls and we danced around a little, but they didn’t want to do anything so we backed off. Then, these guys started getting all up on them and they weren’t listening, so I threw a punch. Things get kinda hazy after that,” he ended, eyes staring straight at you. 

You didn’t say anything, processing the information. Of fucking course they had started a bar fight. Biting your cheek, you asked, “And then you got arrested?”

“I guess. Next thing I know, I’m in fucking handcuffs and we’re getting pulled out of the bar. Rookie freaked out, tried to call you once we got there. And then they let me go, so I tried again and you picked up,” he mumbled, pressing down on his own knuckles. 

“Okay,” you breathed out, “I’m not going to yell at you.” 

He snorted at that, leaning back, putting both his arms above his head. 

“But the next time I get a fucking call from jail, I’m leaving you all to rot there,” you finished, putting the peanut butter jar on the bed, towards him. 

“Noted,” he nodded, closing his eyes. 

Taking in his appearance, you grimaced at the state of his hands. Picking up his key card from the nightstand, you got up. You left the room with an ice bucket before he could even realize, walking to the machine on the floor. Gathering a few ice cubes, you unlocked his door, walking back in. 

“Where’d you go,” he mustered out, sounding a little hoarse. 

“Ice,” you responded, before taking a few tissues from the desk. Making a makeshift ice pack, you sat back on the bed. 

Carefully reaching for his arms, you pulled one down. He extended his fingers, looking down at them himself. 

“Yeah, I guess I fucked myself over bad,” he said, moving his fingers slowly. 

“You’re an asshole who can’t stop himself,” you responded, gingerly laying the ice across his knuckles. He winced a little and you lifted it up. 

“Keep it there, feels good,” he mumbled, using his other hand to guide yours back to his bruises. 

Looking up, you made eye contact and the world softened its edges for a second. 

Kicking into a panic, you quickly moved back, pulling your hand out. He gripped on the tissue ice pack, confused. You let out a breath before getting up, walking over to the desk where the hotel phone sat. Finding the reception number, you picked up the phone, dialing in the numbers. Crossing your fingers, you were on the line for a second before the message started up,” We’re sorry. No one is available at this time.” 

“Fuck,” you muttered, slamming down the phone. 

“What,” Colson asked, and you looked over at the bed. His eyes were closed, the ice pack sitting on the nightstand, creating a little puddle. 

“I locked myself out of my room, no one’s downstairs,” you explained, reaching for your cell phone. His eyes opened at that, and you saw him looking as you called Rook. 

“Of course he isn’t picking up,” you muttered to yourself. It would be so easy to just fall asleep in your brother’s bed, living like you were kids again. 

“Rook’s dead to the world,” Colson mumbled out as he slowly got up. You saw him moving and you paused, mid-pace. 

“Just stay here. I’ll sleep on the floor or something,” he said, reaching up to stretch. His shirt rode up a little and you saw the triple X tattoo peeking out his waistband, tempting you.

“You can’t sleep on the floor, you just got beat up dude. Take the bed, I’ll sleep in the bathtub or something. Throw me a pillow,” you stated, shrugging off your jacket. 

He gave you a look before shaking his head. “You’ve gotta be kidding me. Just stay on the bed,” he said, pulling one of the sheets off. 

“No. I wanna sleep in the bathtub,” you threw back, reaching for the sheet from him.

“You’re gonna fight me on this too?” he asked, letting go of the sheet as you stumbled a little. 

“It’s not that serious Colson. Go the fuck to sleep,” you spat out, turning around to the bathroom.  

Walking in, you paused a little as your socked feet hit the cold tiles. The bathtub wasn’t really big, covered in a layer of grime. Trying to figure out a way to clean it up, you searched around, eyes only finding the little complimentary bottles of shampoo. 

Stepping back out of the bathroom, you saw Colson already in the bed. The covers were pulled up to his head, blonde tuft sticking out. You knew he wasn’t asleep, hearing the sounds of his phone under the blanket.

 There were two options here: you could either lay on the dirty floor, covered in stickiness from everyone’s bar-laced Converses or you could get in bed with him. The right choice was evident, and you reminded yourself exactly why you couldn’t stand him before moving over to the other side of the bed. 

Placing the pillow you had taken back down on the bed, you laid the sheet down. You couldn’t really see Colson, he had taken over one side of the bed and you knew that he probably wasn’t sure that you were there. Nudging his shoulder, you lifted the covers from his head. 

He looked up at you once, then saw the pillow right next to him. Shifting so that he was fully facing you, he grinned before saying, “Sleeping with me tonight?” 

“God, could you be any more fucking annoying,” you muttered, sitting on the side of the bed. 

“I’m just stating the facts,” he said, hands rubbing over his bare chest. You glared at him, before getting up and grabbing his white shirt from the desk. 

Throwing it to him, you barked, “Put it back on.” 

He gave you an incredulous look, before shrugging it on. 

“Happy now? Thin cotton makes a great barrier,” he scoffed. 

You looked at him once before grinning, muttering, “Just peachy.”

Getting into bed, you brought your knees close up to your chest. This was a comfortable position for you, and you wrapped an arm around yourself before mumbling out, “Stay on your side or I’ll cut your balls off.” 

Not even waiting for a response, you let your eyes close. You had tired yourself out with this adventure, and within seconds you were sleeping. 

Waking up an hour later, you blinked your eyes at the harsh light coming through the opened curtains. You had a pounding headache, letting out a little groan as you shifted. Moving just a little, you felt something slump over your waist. Lifting the covers, you saw Colson’s hand, leaning against your hip, heat radiating off of it. Your heart stuttered a little, before you slightly moved it off of yourself. 

A minute later, you decided to get up for the day. You wanted to check with the receptionist to see if you could get back into your own hotel room. Pushing yourself up, you turned just a little to look at Colson’s sleeping form. 

His head was smashed into the pillow, hair flopping over his forehead. One of his hands was outstretched, reaching towards you while the other was wrapped around his own torso. He looked peaceful, eyes closed, mouth slightly open. Taking in the sight of a quiet, angelic Colson Baker, you smiled before getting off the bed. 

Walking over to the phone, you called the number again, twirling the cord as you looked through the window at the vacant parking lot.

“Portland’s Finest. How can we help you Mr.Baker?” a voice spoke, tinny through the phone. 

“Oh hi, I um- I’m Y/N. I locked myself out of my room,” you mumbled into the line. 

“Oh, sorry about that Ms. Y/N. Why don’t you come down here and we can figure this out,” the receptionist spoke and you responded quickly, hanging up the line. 

Grabbing your purse, you pulled on your shoes. Picking up your coat, you passed Colson sleeping as you stood at the door. Waiting for a second, you shuffled back to the bed, leaning down. Kissing his forehead quickly, you sighed before walking out the door. It was going to be a long day.

[beetlemancy]

extremely unpopular probably unhealthy opinion under the cut, do NOT come at me, this is just me getting my feelings out and away, this is not an invitation to fill my asks with ‘fuck yous’  also maybe Pls Do Not Reblog

i hate everything about the “Cad vs Ikithot” situation, it just rankles me to teeny tiny bits, gets all up in my feels and leaves shards of God I HAte This! everywhere. 

Obligatory “Cad is Great, Taliesin is Greater, fuck you because we can’t have feelings without disclaimers like this because of asswhipes who take their personal shit and place it on strangers” comment. Okay.

Its just like. *tea kettle noise* like Tal said, Cad has such soft problems, and like fuckin... god, what an act of privilege it is to look at a man who destroyed your friend’s life, abused them, and continues to abuse children - and call that person  “stupid,” or think that you need to tell that person to their face that they are stupid BEFORE (!!!!!) something bad happens????? (fucking BEFORE?!!?)

the fuck bitch Bad happened, and you are too up your own fucking ass to see it? What? The world needs YOU to tell it it sucks? You don’t even fucking know. You have zero idea what it is to have an abuser with power. 

It just burns my entire soul up, because I’ve had friends like Cad, I’ve been told “oh your abuser is just stupid,” and you know what it does? its only ever told me that that person has ZERO idea wtf they are talking about, and that they have ZERO idea of how to help me, and makes me probably unhealthily think well jesus fuck if this “stupid” person had that much control and power over me, what the fuck am I? what the fuck was I to trust them in the first place? to love them, to let them in? 

its so easy, its so easy for able bodied, unabused, Soft Problem-having people to think they themself are the answer to every problem in the universe

and yeah its an amazing character choice because like Cad’s entire personality is built around the fact that he thinks he’s Melora’s gift to the universe and its his personal job to “fix” everyone around him which is shitty af by the way no matter how fluffy and cute he is and my greatest desire is for Cad to realize that people are Okay and that his only responsibility is to be a good friend and a fairly decent person but that’s on HIM not anybody else

actually come to think of it this is tangentially related to my whole problem with Beau/Fjord/Cad vs Artagan because like the way they treat Jester is typical of Cad but its so frustrating to see it from Fjord and Beau because  *more tea noises* 

VARIOUS MEMBERS OF THE M9 STOP TREATING UR FRIENDS LIKE THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THEY ARE DOING 2020

but god I just do Not like being near the Cad vs Ikithot thing when its being discussed, and so this is me saying what i have to say so i can let myself leave when it comes up again

[inkykeiji]

they are cute and i do use them as escapism!! im just always like man wish that was real especially around the holidays when im with my family im always like none of yall would be talking about me like that if dabi was here😤 ITS DUMB but without them i'd just feel bad all the time with them at least i get some good feelings and im very much looking forward to yours and omg im definitely going to spend it here with u its so silly but that makes me feel at ease lmao ur my emotional support blog

aaah i totally understand!!!! there’s about half of my family that i butt heads with frequently, and even tho i know they usually mean well and i appreciate their efforts, most of the time it’s just like,,,, ahhhh stop. please stop. just stop talking. ahahaha but yeah, this time of year can be super tough huh :(

IT IS NOT DUMB. if it makes you feel better, even just a teeny bit better, even if only for a few minutes, then it is not dumb. i’m glad you’re able to find at least a little comfort in them, and i’m sure all of the fantastic authors writing them are very glad too 🥰 it’s not silly!!!!! it’s not silly at all!! usually christmas is crazy hectic for me but the provience has essentially cancelled christmas this year thanks to covid so!!! mine will be really chill and i’m quite excited for it!! i’ll be here for you and anyone else who wants to come hang out!!!! we can play christmas songs and maybe have a lil mini christmas event or something idk!! point is, i will be here <33

[akechicrimes]

7 or 71 for either shuake or yukamitsu [big eye emojis]

7. “I told you that I’d never leave you; I’m not going anywhere.”

On Goro’s thirty-fourth birthday at ten-thirty in the morning, Akira calls him at work and says, “Happy birthday, dear. I just got hit by a car, and I need to know what color bike you want.”

*

On Goro’s thirty-fourth birthday at ten-thirty in the morning, Akira calls him at work (which Goro dubiously eyeballs for a whole four seconds before picking up) and says, “Happy birthday, dear. I just got hit by a car, and I need to know what color bike you want.”

Well, neither Goro nor Akira own a car for Akira to drive, so that means Akira got hit on foot. Goro is very calm, and has no immediate panic response to that, because he’s a rational and responsible adult. “Are you dead?” Goro asks.

“Probably not.”

“And is there a reason you’re calling me instead of the ambulance?”

“Oh, I’m fine. I think I have a bruise on one of my legs, if that counts. But I was riding your bike when it happened, so the bike got totaled, so, you know. They’ve got the same model you had, but there’s tons of new colors, if you want pictures.”

Goro takes a very long, very deep breath. Goro is very, extremely calm. “Anything is fine,” he says. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, hundred percent. I even landed on my feet; you should’ve seen it.”

“You should go to the ER anyway,” says Goro, in a voice that is truly the epitome of calm.

“I mean, I guess I could, but that seems like a waste of time. And I don’t want to just leave your bike in the middle of the road.”

“Throw it away if it’s wrecked, then.”

“But it deserves a proper send-off.”

“You’re doing this to me on my birthday, Kurusu.”

“I’ll go to the ER if you go with me,” says Akira hopefully, who is a perennially bad influence who is of the opinion that Goro should have just said he’d be ‘working from home’ and spent the day with him.

Goro takes a look at his calendar, tallies up how many meeting he’d have to reschedule, and waits a whole five seconds before he lets himself say, “Fine,” because Akira just said that he’s fine and Goro isn’t upset and everything is so calm that Goro can wait five seconds before agreeing to leave work. “I’ll see you at Leblanc.”

“Wait, wait, which color for the bike? They’ve got green, blue, a red, a kind of fun rose-gold thing, which is a bit excessive considering it’s a bike, and teal, and a kind of blue and orange Naruto-y thing…”

“Anything is fine.” Goro stops. “Except the last one.”

“Red it is! See you in a bit.”

“Don’t ride that bike back to Leblanc,” says Goro, as if lightning might strike twice on the same day on the same man riding the same model bike of the same color, but Akira’s already hung up. Goro speed-drafts a rescheduling email, copy-pastes it to four different people, and then sprints out the office door without even a goodbye to his coworkers.

*

Friday, 11:16 AM

FUTABA: hey

FUTABA: hey goro

FUTABA: hey gorororororororororo

FUTABA: HEY MR AKECHI KURUSU

GORO: If it’s about the traffic accident, I heard about it.

GORO: I’m going back to Leblanc now.

FUTABA: no it’s smthg else

FUTABA: well it is about the accident but i got smthg else for u

FUTABA sent MOV19.mp4

FUTABA: ripped this from the traffic cam

GORO: Is this footage of the accident?

FUTABA: yeehaw

GORO: …Thank you for the offer, but I don’t know if I want to see this.

FUTABA: ok i hear u but i promise it’s hilarious

FUTABA: and also u might feel better if u see it

FUTABA: like idk what he told u on the phone but like

FUTABA: look the car even slowed down at the intersection

FUTABA: the dude was obeying traffic laws and everything he was doing something like ten under the speed limit

FUTABA: the car ENTIRELY missed akira

FUTABA: got the bike full on

FUTABA: and then he just rolls up across the hood and up the windshield like a looney toon

FUTABA: rip ur bike tho it just goes cronch

FUTABA: instant pretzel

FUTABA: ty bichael for ur sacrifice

FUTABA: also idk i figured you

FUTABA: might wanna see for urself that he’s okay

FUTABA: like u can see him stand up at the end and he’s not even confused or anything he’s super duper ok

FUTABA: he’s not bullshitting u over the phone and pretending he’s ok when he’s not ok

FUTABA: u know how he does lmao

GORO: …Huh.

GORO: He really did land on his feet for a whole second there, didn’t he?

FUTABA: yeah like a cat

FUTABA: it’s nuts tbh

FUTABA: and then he remembers he’s a human and falls on his ass LMAO

FUTABA: show it to morgana i want his professional kitty cat opinion on the matter

FUTABA: rate akira’s near death experience

FUTABA: also the driver was v nice and v apologetic and he gave akira his insurance

FUTABA: but i have his home address and work address and phone number and the name of his dog if you want it

GORO: Just the insurance will be fine.

FUTABA: kk

GORO: …And thanks for sending the video.

GORO: Even though I already knew he was fine.

FUTABA: you know those like

FUTABA: itty bitty teeny weeny micro dogs

FUTABA: that are like four and a half pounds

FUTABA: but they think they can take any mfer on the block out of sheer will alone

FUTABA: and theyve always got their eyeballs bulging out and they pick fights with 70 pound dogs

FUTABA: and they have only two emotions which are rage and anxiety and they shake constantly because theyre only four pounds and they have So Much Emotion and nowhere to put it so they vibrate at the speed of sound

GORO: Is this a metaphor about me.

FUTABA: it’s a metaphor about you

FUTABA: because i can hear your shaky angry anxious four pound vibrating all the way from the other side of tokyo

GORO: You are the smallest, angriest, most anxious person I know, who regularly picks fights with international hacking organizations and billion-dollar companies.

GORO: And I, somehow, am the angry shaky dog.

FUTABA: your husband got hit by a car on ur birthday

GORO: I know that.

GORO: I do not need to be reminded.

FUTABA: ah yeah

FUTABA: sorry

GORO: He’s fine.

GORO: He said he’s fine.

GORO: And from this footage, he’s more than fine.

FUTABA: he is super double extra fine with a side of fine

GORO: Unless this footage was in any way edited.

GORO: And unless he was faking his call, somehow.

GORO: In which case, I’m going to walk into Leblanc and find out that he was just pretending to be okay so he could hear my voice one last time and Leblanc will be swarming with police officers to break the news the newly bereaved.

GORO: But that’s not going to happen.

GORO: Because Akira is fine, and I’m perfectly fine.

FUTABA: im rly glad to hear my man

GORO: This footage isn’t edited, is it.

FUTABA: no

GORO: Are you very sure?

GORO: Videos are easily modified.

GORO: Would you even know if it was edited?

FUTABA: yes im a literal wizard of course i would know

FUTABA: where are u even getting this idea from

GORO: The entire series of events is unrealistic, isn’t it?

GORO: You said yourself that it was almost like something out of a cartoon.

GORO: The likelihood that someone gets hit by a car and comes out of it entirely no worse for wear is practically ridiculous.

FUTABA: i ripped that film straight from the cam it is entirely unedited

GORO: But how can you be sure? Did you see him in live camera?

FUTABA: i mean no but he texted me

GORO: What if that was his dying text.

FUTABA: i rly dont know if his dying text would have been the “i lived bitch” meme with the cat filter

FUTABA: he’s fine dude

FUTABA: that’s why i sent you the video

GORO: I KNOW he’s fine.

GORO: I’m asking if there’s any solid evidence.

FUTABA: THE VIDEO

GORO: I’m going to call him. Brb

FUTABA: so what he can tell you he’s fine AGAIN and you’ll be like

FUTABA: “oh but what if it was secretly a pod person who stole his body after he died tragically after calling me one last time to hear my voice”

FUTABA: he is FINE

FUTABA: like go ahead and call him if u want but

FUTABA: the only person who was gonna edit that footage was me

FUTABA: and if he were dead i would not be functioning enough to be doing any kinda photoshop like that

FUTABA: let alone LIE to you jesus christ!!!!!

FUTABA: god

FUTABA: i pronounce you King Shaky Dog

FUTABA: the tiniest and angriest and shakiest and most anxious four pound goblin

FUTABA: i will reclaim my title tomorrow

FUTABA: for now it’s my birthday gift to you

FUTABA: the title of Shaky Dog allows you to go absolutely apeshit and nobody will judge you

GORO: You know I hate birthday presents.

FUTABA: did you call akira

GORO: I hate birthday presents so much that I will be refusing my title as King Shaky Dog and will henceforth not be going ape shit.

FUTABA: ok so

FUTABA: i didnt mean to

FUTABA: get snippy with you or anything

GORO: It’s fine.

GORO: I wasn’t… exactly polite, myself.

GORO: So.

FUTABA: um

FUTABA: you really can call him if you want

FUTABA: there’s nothing wrong with that

FUTABA: between u and me……………………. i definitely did that more than once for a lot lesser reasons than someone getting hit by a car

GORO: My stop is in less than thirty seconds.

GORO: I will probably live.

FUTABA: lmao ok well

FUTABA: if u change ur mind about losing ur shit then please know i gave u that footage in the first place because i think if something like that happened to MY partner i would mcfreakin lose it

FUTABA: speaking of her

FUTABA: sumi says happy birth btw

FUTABA: but cuter because u know how she is

FUTABA: “happy birthday crow-senpai~~~~~~~~” in her shy voice that makes u wanna die

FUTABA: ofoogofhghhfoghfhhghfh g gh SUMI ur so cute ilysm

GORO: Tell her I said thanks.

GORO: And stop telling me how much you love her and use the ring you made me go ring shopping with you for.

FUTABA: HHHHH

FUTABA: im being cyberbullied for being a cowardly lesbian

GORO: I’m at my stop, by the way, so I’m going offline.

FUTABA: which tbh i probably deserve

FUTABA: oh kk see u

FUTABA: watch the video again mr shaky dog

FUTABA: akira is fine

FUTABA: everyone is alive

FUTABA: you are one year older

FUTABA: happy birthday goro

*

The bike is totaled.

Akira isn’t the sort of person to dump a piece of trash right in front of Leblanc, but it’s hard to miss sticking out of the nearby public trash bin. The back wheel has exploded into serrated wheel-spokes and limb rubber bits that Akira’s shoved into the trash as best as he could. The body of the bike is crushed in on itself, exposing its sharp hollow innards; the handlebars resemble a badly-tied knot. The front wheel is left to stick up and out, creaking gently, spinning overhead from half a hinge like a head not quite fully severed.

The cafe is empty except for its usual barista who, of course, is a very normal and mild-mannered barista, who has nothing to do with the several hundred millions worth of dollars of repatriated art hiding in the attic en route back to South Korea. That would be illegal, of course, and Akira Kurusu-Akechi has never once in his life done anything illegal in the name of what’s morally right. “Welcome back, dear,” says Akira, and hangs up a coffee mug to dry, and it’s so normal that Goro is convinced that either he’s experiencing yesterday, or maybe he’s re-experiencing the year 2016 all over again, or maybe Akira really is dead and this is just his ghost.

Goro sits in his usual spot at the bar. Same chair, sixteen years later. Unbelievable. Maybe Goro’s giving him a little bit of a dumbfounded look, because Akira tilts his head, leans across the bar, and pecks Goro on the cheek.

“Where’s Sakura?” Goro asks.

“Having his midday old man nap. So,” says Akira, looking pleased with himself, “either we can close Leblanc for an hour and raid the kitchen and make lunch, or we can close Leblanc and go out and have a fancy lunch. Your choice because I already made dinner reservations and we’re doing those no matter what.”

Goro really means to give him an answer, because Akira really does love Goro’s birthday every year and never fails to pick someplace nice for the day, but instead what comes out of his mouth is: “Did you ride the new bike back home?”

“Yeah, I did. Figured I might as well take it for a test drive. It’s a good bike.”

“Why didn’t you take the subway?” Goro says sharply.

“Didn’t have my card.”

“You just rode the bike all the way across Tokyo?”

“It wasn’t all the way across Tokyo, just a bit away and back… Goro?”

Ah, Goro’s going to become one of those people who has a meltdown any time their loved one gets on a plane or a train or ksomething else associated with heebie-jeebie nonsense magical thinking. Great. Fantastic. God dammit.

“Do you really want me to go to the ER?” Akira asks eventually.

Goro really wants Akira to have never gotten hit in the first place, but people don’t get what they want and sometimes the universe decides to send one bad fucking driver through a red light and take away Akira’s entire life in a split second—one mistake, a coincidence at the wrong place and time, and the boy who fought God and won is a smear of bones on the pavement.

This would be different if it were sixteen years ago, and Goro had the power to bend people’s minds in half until they broke, or dive into the deepest, bloodiest parts of the collective psyche and pummel the worst of them to a pulp—but what’s he going to do here? Lambast a guy who was going ten miles under the speed limit and just wasn’t looking the right way? Is he going to summon a new Persona from his soul and undo time itself?

Can he do anything if the universe decides, one day, that Akira’s time on this earth is up? He spent all those years desperate for power, and then abusing that power, and then desperately guilty for having abused that power, and then desperately trying to get up that power, and now here he is with the power to do jack shit when his husband almost gets run over and if the Metaverse were still around he swears he would have carved Loki from his own soul out of sheer fury alone—

“No,” says Goro sharply, and stands up. “It’s nothing. I’m not hungry, and I’m going for a walk. Please don’t text me unless it’s an emergency.”

“What—hey! Goro, wait, wait—”

“I’m getting some fresh air!”

Akira’s scrambling to get out from behind the bar. “Didn’t you just get here—?”

Goro spins around and points a finger at Akira like it’s his fault: “You were the one,” he snarls, “who promised, when we got married, that we’d always be together. And now you get hit on a bike, and then stand up like it’s nothing and—and get on another bike and go cycling around the exact same streets where you got hit—? Aren’t you scared? Are you trying to get yourself killed?”

Akira falls silent. “I didn’t go back to the same intersection,” he says at last.

Goro can’t take this. “I’m taking a walk.”

“Wait wait wait, Goro, just—” Akira grabs Goro’s hand and Goro has the sudden urge to yank his arm away, but Akira’s hand is also incredibly real, just like it felt this morning and yesterday and the day before that and all the days Goro ever took Akira’s living, breathing body for granted. “I didn’t think it was a big deal. He was going, I dunno, twenty miles per hour at most. It was an intersection. He’d slowed down beforehand and everything, and I didn’t even get hurt on the fall.”

Right, because Goro’s the one who’s just freaking out for no reason. Right. Okay. Because that’s how he is, isn’t he, always being dramatic over little things. Right. Of course. This is fine.

When Goro doesn’t turn around, Akira moves around to the front to look him in the eye. “Sorry if I made you worry,” says Akira. “But it was really nothing at all.”

“Maybe it was nothing this time,” says Goro forcefully. “But what about the next time—the next car—the next time you borrow my bike? What about tomorrow? Or the day after that? Literally any one of the hundreds and hundreds of days coming up where you could easily die just as easily as you died today.”

“Then I’ll escape death hundreds and hundreds of times,” says Akira.

Goro scoffs.

“I mean it. I was a Phantom Thief, wasn’t I? I escaped death more than once. Did it again today. I’ll do it as many times as it takes until we’re both old and grey.” Akira takes Goro’s hand, but it’s Goro who laces their fingers together.

“Sometimes it doesn’t work that way,” says Goro, like a bad echo of his ten-year-old self, trying to figure out what kind of world would let his mother die.

“I’m just keeping my promise,” says Akira. “I told you that I’d never leave you. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Sometimes that’s not your decision to make.”

“It is and I’ve decided I’m immortal until you die.”

Goro scoffs. “Don’t be arrogant.”

“Is it being arrogant? I didn’t let death steal you away from me. I’m not letting it steal me away from you, either.”

“Sometimes…” Goro begins.

“'Sometimes’ what?”

'Sometimes’ what?

Sometimes things get worse. People die early, and unfulfilled; they streak through the sky in a blaze and then wink out, without even a burst of fire to show for it. Sometimes nobody gets a say in what happens, and plans don’t pan out, and wishes aren’t granted, and everything happens for no good reason and no good end.

Today, Goro Akechi-Kurusu is thirty-four years old, about sixteen years older than he ever figured he was going to be. He has a career in a non-profit for maladjusted youth getting reacclimated to school systems and preparing for college, instead of the career in law he figured he’d have if he actually lived that long. He doesn’t just have one friend, but multiple friends. He has, unbelievably, a husband, which honestly still floors him to this day, considering that he was and maybe still is convinced that marriage is a scam devised by asshole men like his father to manipulate young women into a false sense of security. The other day, Akira mentioned that he wanted to get a cat to keep Morgana company, maybe in a few years when they moved into a pet-friendly apartment, and in Goro’s head, it made sense that they would both be alive and together entire years in the future for them to get a cat.

Today is already an impossible day, isn’t it?

“Sometimes,” says Goro flatly, “you say ridiculous things, and I think that you could actually pull it off.”

Akira grins. Akira leans in for their regular greeting kiss when one of them comes home, but this time, Goro closes his eyes, leans into it, really tries to memorize the feel of Akira’s lips on his. Every line and scar on his hands, the odd ends of his fingernails, that familiar way he waits for four beats, then takes a breath through his nose and kisses Goro again, and never can quite seem to avoid kissing him more on the bottom lip than the top. “I don’t make promises I can’t keep,” he says plainly not three inches from Goro’s face. “It’s bad form to leave a calling card and never show up.”

Goro smiles. “Then I won’t let you break your word.”

When Akira pulls away, he kisses the back of Goro’s hand, like a proper gentleman thief of old. “Happy birthday, dear,” he says, and surprisingly, despite the way this awful day started off, Goro thinks that Akira might be able to pull that promise off, too.

[sapphim]

sebhawkebela: 1 - 6 for pre relationships; 1, 2, 5, and 8 for general; 1, 2, 5, 6 and 8 for love, 1, 8 and 9 hehehehe

[ship questions] guess this has been sitting in my inbox long enough huh (also pbbbbbbbbt)

Pre-relationship 1. How did they first meet? 2. What was their first impression of each other?

Bela's and Juniper's mutual first impression when they met at the Hanged Man was "is she flirting with me? she IS flirting with me. nice. im gonna tap that."

Juniper's first impression of Seb was "oh is he like a prince or something that's hot" but then her immediate and more important second reaction was "oh he's actually super lame he just wants to hang out in the chantry and talk about andraste all day nvm" and then she immediately forgot about him as soon as he left her field of vision.

mw Seb's first impression of Juniper was "oh this striking angel has appeared out of nowhere to avenge my family for me???" and then his immediate second impression was "oh. she's very mean."

Anyway Seb spent the next three years thinking about Juniper constantly he couldn't stop obsessing over her. Between acts 1 and 2 they had five additional meet-cutes. Juniper remembers absolutely none of them.

When you walk in on Seb and he's like "oh Hawke we were just talking about you :)" literally Seb hasn't once shut up about her and Elthina is so done with this conversation and Juniper's just like "do I know you"

3. Did any of their friends or family want them to get together?

Absolutely the fuck not. Nobody saw this coming. These three emotionally constipated idiots barely manage to communicate their feelings to each other, let alone anyone else. They're kinda all three easy to draw surface-level conclusions about to the point where even some of their friends never quite grok them. When Seb and Juniper get engaged their friends are like "oh okay so it's like a power thing for Hawke and a sex thing for Isabela and who knows what Sebastian's deal is (probably a sex thing)" and okay they're consenting adults and they can do whatever but like. Nobody under any circumstances thought to encourage this relationship. Except Merrill, who thinks they're cute when they're happy.

4. Who felt romantic feelings first? 5. Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

Juniper and Isabela had a casual fwb relationship for three years before they would even almost admit to themselves that they had maybe caught feelings for each other, and it was another three years before they'd admit it to each other. Morons.

Seb resisted actually getting involved in the relationship for a long time, because, you know, he thought they were just teasing him but also he cannot indulge in anything in moderation and he got kicked out of his house for hoïng around and then his family all died so! You know!! But as soon as they do finally get thru to him he is like. "okay :) i love you forever and always"

6. If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think?

"sounds fake but ok"

General 1. Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go? 2. Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?

Bela and Juniper didn't do dates they were just like ;D and then they hooked up and that was that.

Juniper and Bela invited Seb over to a date night at Hawke's estate in act 3 and he like. Went all out. Brought flowers and wine and cooked a meal for them. Memorized some poetry. And the girls were just like "dude take ur clothes off"

5. What’s their height difference? Age difference?

Bela and Seb are teeny tiny. They're pocket sized. They're like 5'1" and 5'5" (155 and 165 cm). Fight me. Juniper is like... not quite 6'0" but 5'9" (175cm) at minimum. Lanky bastard energy.

allow me to demonstrate

No real age difference. Seb and Bela are probably a few years older than Juniper, but they're all like... mid-late-20s at the start of the game and early-mid-30s at the end.

8. Who gets jealous easier?

Juniper's the possessive one. But they're not really jealous types? More like "why yes my partners are very attractive thank u for noticing"

Love 1. Who said “I love you” first?

Look, Sebastian says it right after they all hook up, which is definitely too soon, but it's also the moment Isabela and Juniper realize that they've been together six years and they still haven't said it to each other, so he kinda gets away with it.

2. What are their primary love languages?

Seb's the only one whose love language actually involves using his words. Isabela is very touchy-feely. Juniper, well, the gift giving joke is always there with Dragon Age protags, but tbh, acts of service, primarily in the form of personally destroying anyone who ever hurt, upset, or inconvenienced you. She's not gonna say she cares but it's not that hard to figure out.

5. Who’s better at comforting the other?

Not Juniper lol.

6. Who’s more protective?

Juniper lol.

8. What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?

I skimmed thru my hawkebela playlist and The Pierces - We Are Stars got me feeling some kinda way so let's go with that.

Domestic Life 1. If they get married, who proposes?

Only Seb would be dumb enough to.

8. Who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning?

Bold of you to assume anyone's getting out of bed before noon.

9. Who’s the better cook?

Look at Sebastian... Does that look like a man who has ever cooked once in his life... No... He eats whatever slop the chantry serves and suffers in silence... When I said he learns to cook I was perhaps being overly generous... He "helps" Orana in the kitchen while she kindly pretends he's not getting in her way...

Isabela will eat or drink anything... She might not enjoy it and she might bitch about it but she cannot afford to have standards... so she does not... You don't live in a tavern in lowtown if you have standards or can cook for yourself... She has eaten boiled shoe leather at least once in her life...

As for Juniper... Do you think Leandra and Malcolm had any idea how to feed themselves when they eloped... absolutely not... A nice neighboring family probably had to take pity on them or they wouldn't survive the first winter... Plus Malcolm was always busy wrangling the girls and preventing things from catching on fire... so if anyone's learned any of Leandra's precious few homemaking skills... it's Carver... tbh he’s the only Hawke who can actually fend for himself...

What I'm saying is the bar is buried in the ground and they’re still tripping over it.

[rebelliouslala]

Kim Namjoon

exams are coming up

and u

are

fucking

terrified

you’re a sophomore in college but that doesn’t help

u have one of the hardest teachers EVER

professor scott

that bitch

they want you specifically to write an essay

about s p a i n

theyve been trying to help you out for this internship but they also

RLY

get on ur fucking nerves

like 45367829 times than anyone else you ever fucking MEt

so now ur tired and honestly u just needed help finding the history of fucking spain

why spain like who the hell needs to know that columbus was high before he went to a place and ruined everything there

everyone knows that

so while u look like you could cause fucking arson

you go to one of the librarian TAs and tap their shoulder

“hey, where are the history books?”

the man turns around and you almost choke on your own fucking drool

His muscular figure was in a smart look of a loose shirt of of a teddy bear shirt and some jeans

His pretty dark eyes are slightly curtained by matching, shaggy brown hair, which he pushes back with his ease to reveal his amazingly smooth caramel skin and black frames

“oh, well, which era and what county? What’s your genre-?”

his voice was deep as

HELL

AS FucK BRo

“you’re really hot”

what

the

FUCK

did you just say??????????????????????????/

sure the only people youve seen is your roommate

who u usually saw asleep at 4am like a good child aHeM

and ur professor but

R U RLY THAT THIRSTY LMAOOOO

the man laughs and he nods, “Call me Namjoon, and I uh, get that a lot. if you wanted m number you couldve asked”

“im so sorry! no no, i shouldnt, just, can i get the history of spain?”

so he shows you, gently raising an eyebrow, “Ah, so you downgraded to the, meh history of Spain. Are you sure you wouldn’t like the history of Pompeii? That is pretty hot,”

you start laughig, and he cuckles

in his VerY deep as voice

okay so maybe u fell a little more for his dimpled ass

but like how can u not

so u do get his number

as a friend

this was after you gave it back, and he just was being nice

u didnt rly mind, hes funny, and being a friend is always good

#platonic relationships r bueno

he would help you out with studying, being in the same year as you

wow what a coinkie-dink idk how to spell

it’s just been regular hangouts, you and he would study in the library, even if he was supposed to assist

you listened to his music

to his poems

you shared yourself with him too, what you’re majoring in, what u passionate about

he’s been, nothing but supportive

he lets you meet his frat, the Boy Scouts

u always make fun of their name but they’re all rly fucking chill

ur only rly close to Joon tho

he was the leader, so often he was alone, meaning you both would just hang in his room

either doing like a light glass wine or like a couples glasses of soju and being crackheads

often doing karaoke at 3am and summoning ghosts of boy scouts past

OR you go to a poem cafe that he would often perform at you

he slams down some slams

but like he’s rapping this shit

you were maybe like the other only person who heard every word, so when he finishes, with a teeny, dimple shy smile

like uwu

kay sure y’all friends but ur heart did an oops and ack

you’re hopelessly in love

you stand up, snapping your fingers rapidly like an encore and he would blush

every day with him, you fell for him, and just loved being near him

you couldn’t imagine yourself without that

until one day it stops

everything

you sit at your usual spot in the library

humming one of his songs because GOD it’s catchy

but he’s not there

you ask Jin, nope

Yoongi, who is also in his class

everyone close to him

even you, his closest friend, according to Jin

it’s like he vanished

you knew he had some poem thing before Jin graduated

one day you go to the frat, with Hobi, since he tried to cheer you up

he was rly sad for you, hugging you

but

there he is

wearing a tight black shirt so you can really see his muscular figure

that has somehow rly fucking brown over 2 weeks

he wears a blue suit jacket and suit pants, stapled with black shoes

his dark hair is gone, replaced with a sexy undercut and dark purple hair that is swooped to the side

he looks like a model

or some sort of fucking sugar daddy mm

“uhm, joon?”

he looks at you and you almost go weak at the knees

hes so

hot

he takes your face and he gently leans in

and you can still see the same boy

the same music nerd

the same childish boy that loves to sing when he’s drunk

the same cute dimpled guy who stole your heart

that is now holding your heart

“I got into a music school, y/n” he smiles, laughing softly

you gasp and hold his hand, laughing a little

“and it’s all thanks to you; you told me that one song- well, just thank you”

he hugs you tightly, and you feel his lips near your ear as he whispers, “I cannot thank you, or love you enough, can I?”

you feel tears come to your eyes and you shake your head

“namjoon, are you-?”

“i think you’re really hot,” he chuckles and holds you closer

“i’ve been in love with you since you listened to my music. i never showed anyone, but you . .you made me confident enough”

“you’re,” you hold his cheek, and he shamelessly leans into your touch, “you’re not joking. . .?”

“never, i love you, and i think you’re WAY hotter than pompeii”

you feel your cheeks heat up

even in your wildest dreams

this would have never happened

“i love you too, kim namjoon”

you both just softly kiss, and hold each other closely, small chuckles filling up the room

[dontgofarfromme]

What is critical role? I'd never heard of it before I started following you but I'm intrigued

Omg ok! Critical Role is, in a nutshell, a streamed Dungeons and Dragons campaign run by a bunch of voice actors. That concept sounded really really weird to me the first time I heard about it but! It's insanely addictive. Since it's a role play game and these are professional actors, what you're watching is basically an improvised fantasy story influenced by dice roles acted out live, and its AMAZING.

There have been two campaigns so far--the first has the players as characters in an adventuring party called Vox Machina, as they travel around the country of Tal'dorei and surrounding areas. There are 115 episodes.

PCs include: Angsty anime looking tinkerer with a tragic past; young, naive but wise young woman learning to become a leader; big strong dumb guy who's very soft inside, teeny MONSTAAAAAHH cleric who is light and sweetness and joy and will FUCK YOU UP IF YOU MESS WITH HER OR HER FAMILY; man of a thousand masks and a million charisma who is slowly learning how not to be a dick; sneaky impulsive self-sacrifical sad boy who is also into pranks and braiding his sister's hair and loving his friends to death; woman who covers all her feelings in 30 THOUSAND LAYERS OF WINKS AND BARTERING AND FLIRTING who also has a bear and loves flying; spoiled but under-loved rich kid with a giant automaton nanny-slash-scribe-slash-bodyguard

Important bad guys include: Vampires! Dragons! Asshole family members! Evil demigods! Doors!

Key themes, emotional arcs and moments include: Revenge! Self sacrifice! Hiding your feelings! Love as an extreme emotional risk but one worth taking! Becoming a leader!

The second campaign follows the adventuring party the Mighty Nein as they come together as a group and wander around the continent of Wildemount, starting in the Dwendalian Empire. Ongoing, currently 73 episodes.

PCs include: Stinky angsty fire man; Punchy, blunt, and secretly nerdy monk with a heart of gold; LEETLE BLOO TIEFLING who loves all things sweet and also pranks and also her god the Traveler he's her BEST FRIEND; sad buff goth woman with a tragic past who collects flowers and gently presses them into a book to save for sad reasons, EXTREMELY COLOURFUL TIEFLING who scored 100% in bullshitting class, insecure half-orc warlock reveling in his newfound abilities and EXTREMELY HESITANT about his newfound patron, little goblin who likes shiny things and also alchemy and stinky wizards; incredibly chill but passive aggressive pink-haired dead people-drinking cow man.

Important bad guys include: Slavers! Pirates? Their own mental health! Their own chaotic nature! Potentially two entire countries! The demigod version of an mutated circus clown/hyena combo!

Key themes, emotional arcs and moments include: Moving forward after doing terrible things! Learning to trust other people! Identity! Memory gaps! Becoming a better person!

My absolute favorite thing about both campaigns is the emphasis on family and friendships and friends-as-family and HOW FUCKING MUCH ALL THE CHARACTERS LOVE EACH OTHER and also how much the CAST loves each other because they have really great relationships with each other and that is also fun to watch. Because of the format theres a ton of time and emphasis on character, character arcs and character interaction, and maybe because of that all the relationships shown--ranging from romantic relationships to familial relationships or very close friendships, etc--are crazy well developed and wonderful to watch. If characters and their relationships are what tend to push you into watching things, you will definitely love this show. Not that the plot/worldbuilding is any worse. The DM insane the world is absolutely amazing.

The format isn't for everyone--the episodes are very long, around 4 hours on average on top of having a fuckton of episodes, and theres a lot of filler talk that can be fun but if you're easily distracted or bored might make watching it difficult. However if you're into long running fantasy book series, for instance (COSMEREcoughcough), youre probably already used to throwing ur soul into something way longer than any normal person would, and if you think you have the ability to get through something this long form, I'd highly recommend it. It's also in podcast form if you're like me and u wanna do something else while listening to stuff happen. If you don't think you'll ever be able to get through something that requires this much time and this much focus to watch, good news! CR had a fucking insane kickstarter this year where they raised enough money to produce an animated series, that they're currently working on--so sometime in the hopefully near future, an animated adaptation of one of the COOLEST arcs from CR1 is gonna be available. Probably a lot easier to watch than what is probably at least a solid month of gameplay.

Anyway this got way longer and probably contained more information than you really needed, but! I love this show so so so much and if u wanna hear more abt it plz feel free to ask bc I will talk abt it and never shut up if given the opportunity!!!

[tumblunni]

Gradually working my way thru learning about the yokai watch 3 villains, lol. Cant manage to restrain myself from taking just a teeny lil peek at spoilers! I blame that person drawing all the super awesome redemprion headcanon comicry with the cute oc YOU HAVE CURSED ME WITH YOUR GREATNESS

Ok so apparantly mafia ghost dude fuckin loves space and then GOT EXILED TO SPACE FOR 555 YEARS?? His only fuckin crime at the time was believing in ufos and everyone else was like 'nah bro' LIKE CMON UR LITERALLY GODDAMN GHOSTS BUT ALIENS IS TOO ABSURD FOR YOU??? So somehow this dude ended up making it to space and getting trapped on a meteor completely alone for like a bazillion years and holy shit no wonder he turned evil. Like what sort of ironic karma bullshit is it to be like 'i heard u like this thing how about we lock you up there forever unable to move or scream'.

Also seriously AGENT X WAITED 555 YEARS TO SET HIM FREE AND MAKE HIS DREAMS COME TRUE!!! He says he has no regrets! Aaaaa man i really think this whole plot would be even more emotional if they were a couple. Im just getting that vibe!! Im sorry i cant help it u give me two weird ghost dads in stylish suits and a I'LL WAIT FOR YOU FOREVER plot and a MY ONLY DREAM IS SEEING YOUR DREAM COME TRUE and just seriously man look at that quality ship angst. WHY NO HAPPY ENDING THO

And i'm just thinking now about how emotional their reunion probably was. Like i'm imagining Agent X has a hard time being honest about his feelings cos yknow ghoulfather is the boss of the organization and so far out of his league and such. (And he totally doesnt realize that he's his super valued second in command) So when ghoulfather comes back he's probably wrestling with his gut instinct to run forward and embrace him, because Seriously He Is Your Superior It Will Never Happen, Why Am I Like This. So he's just trying to play it all cool and be like "welcome boss i was totally confident that our plan would work and not incredibly depressed for the last few centuries umm here's your coat" And that thing where the character is crying but they dont notice until they put their hand to their face!! That! That scene!! Have one of those in there, yes! And then possibly mid sentence ghoulfather cuts him off and hugs him, and theyre both just finally honest about how much they missed each other. Aaaand then probably five seconds later theyre like *ahem* *professional voice* "well better get back to work"

Also the game probably wouldnt go into any detail with stuff like muscular atrophy or readjusting to earth gravity or the sheer level of phobia that must be in this man's brain from the constant isolation and how hard it must be to adjust back to talking to people when all he's had for so long is his imagination. But fics can explore all that recovery progress! This is our power, to heal the sad villains with our words!

I was just randonly thinking a sweet date scene for them early on in this plot could be Agent X and Ghoulfather going to a random italian restaurant NOT because its a date totally, but just because its been so long since he's been on earth and its something that could maybe cheer him up. But then they just end up complaining together about how modern restaurants in america are so often not run by italian people and have all this weird american versions of stuff, so it ended up not being very memorable after all. Also crappy wheelchair access! (Cos he'd still be recovering at this time) So yeah it ends up being weirdly fun and romantic for two hours of getting pissed off at terrible service. Getting pissed off at terrible service... Together~!

Also probably eight days later Ageny X suddenly realizes "holy shit taking my boss out to a candlelit restaurant just the two of us is MAYBE slightly flirty". I feel like he's a bit of a disaster at expressing his feelings and only ever manages to make the first move when its accidental. But also has like a natural charisma of accidental flirting which means half the damn mafia has a crush on him, lol. Oh also i was considering like a love triangle thing with rongo? But not any of the stereotypical awful love triangle fighty plots. Just rongo having a crush in agent x and sadly agent x was already in love with ghoulfather and doesnt recipricate. But theyre still best friends even though agent x turned him down, and now rongo is the only one who knows about agent x's crush on ghoulfather and he tries to play ultimate wingman between the two. Like 'i want you to be happy even if it isnt with me!!' So he'd probably be the most pissed off if ghoulfather ever betrayed agent x's trust, i feel like agent x would just blame himself for it and rongo would stand up for him like DAMN DUDE DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH HE MISSED YOU WHEN YOU WERE GONE, YOU RIGHT DENSE BASTARD? That sort of conflict between them, not the more cliche conflict of all three people in a love triangle just being all jealous and secretive and dumb.

Oh also unrelatedly i think Slackerjack and Rongo would be friends? Cos the only time ive seen that slackerjack has any dialogue about him he calls him "a good boy who's quite loud but means well". I can imagine Slackerjack being like that nice grandpa who comes to all of 'little rongo''s music recitals, lol. Or like that meme of 'momma needs her tunes' *death metal blares*. He has all of rongo's cds! Ok actually that mental image is super adorable of this big rockstar dude being like 'omg grampa look im here omg i have to make you proud'. I just feel like rongo is 100% adorable at all times and also has positive relationships with every one of his coworkers like the ray of sunshine that he is. He probably memorizes the names of every single minor minion and gives them all birthday cards. I love this big ol dork.

Anyway this has been Bunni Rambling About Potentially Redeemable Villains They Know Very Little About But Are Very Eager To Meet And Fandomize Over

They all just so good, u guys

[ifuckinglovetatum]

Happy Birthday, @pngpotpies ! I hope it’s a good one!✨

So, I’ve been working on this klance one-shot. It’s not finished, but I wanted to post for you! It does have a good stopping point, so as soon as I finish this, I’ll post the rest.

I don’t use ao3 much, so it’s posted right here. But I will post it on ao3 if preferred! Either way, I hope you like it! (I know I’m not the best writer, and I can get a bit ooc)

summary: After a horrible break up, Lance plans to mope around his apartment for as long as possible. But plans change when Keith takes him out for his birthday.

word count: 3,400

rating: general audiences

warnings: some cursing

fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender

relationship(s): Keith/Lance, (past — mentioned) Lance/Nyma

It had been two weeks since Lance had gotten his heart broken by Nyma. She had dumped him two weeks before his birthday, and nothing could make him better.

Since then, he’d been moping in his apartment. Nothing was getting done and he only ever left his home to go to work. He hadn’t showered in two weeks, but managed to mask it with cologne. He had done nothing but sleep and eat.

Honestly, the only reason he was still a decent human was because his friends had been coming to help out. Since his break up, Pidge and Hunk had come over every day. Hunk would cook meals for Lance and do his laundry. Pidge, most times unwillingly, would clean the apartment. They were at least going to do the bare minimum to help Lance. They wanted him to get better, but he wasn’t going to If his friends were doing everything.

Pidge had called him a zombie, and Hunk, although he agreed, had scolded her for saying such things at a time like this.

“Lance, you have to get out of bed! I know it’s your day off, but Hunk made special birthday pancakes!” Pidge had her hand on Lance’s shoulder, shaking him so he would wake up. She had given up on shaking gently, so by now, she was just pushing him.

“I’ll be down in a minute…” Lance mumbled. As much as he loved Hunk’s birthday pancakes, he wanted to sleep in.

“You said that ten minutes ago!” Pidge groaned. She checked the time on her phone. “Come on, man. Hunk and I have to leave in about an hour. Please get up?”

Lance sighed. Another reason as to why he didn’t want to get up. His friends had work on his birthday, so sadly, they couldn’t spend the day with him. He groaned, throwing the covers off of him. He lay on his back, glancing at Pidge before sitting up.

“Do you guys really have to go?” He asked, pouting.

“You told us you didn’t want to ruin the day by keeping us here only to watch you mope,” Pidge reminded. She pushed up her glasses. “So we didn’t call in to ask for the day off.”

“Fiiiine. I’ll be down in a moment, for real this time.”

“I’m trusting you, but I swear to god if I have to come in here again, Lance, I’m–“

“Leave! I promise I’ll be out!” Lance grabbed his pillow and threw it at Pidge. In return, the girl used all her force to throw it back at Lance, then rushing out the door before he could throw it back.

He huffed, staring at the door for a couple seconds before actually getting out of bed. Ever since his break up with Nyma, he had been dreading today. Mostly because he had things planned for the two of them to do.

Hunk ate yet another pancake, sighing. “I worry for him sometimes.”

“I think we all do. I wonder how he managed to get his own place and be financially stable enough to keep it,” Pidge agreed. She stuffed her mouth with pancake. “I thought he’d spend his cash on lots of useless shit.”

“You shouldn’t talk with your mouth full,” Hunk reminded her. He watched as she tried to eat the pancake she had stuffed in her mouth. Inevitably, she failed and ended up coughing it out.

“That’s disgusting.”

The two friends looked up to see who had joined them. Of course, Lance was the only other person in he apartment, so it was no surprise when they saw him. Okay, maybe it was a surprise, they expected him to take longer.

“Finally, I thought I was gonna have to leave for work without seeing you once this morning.” Hunk stood from his seat, walking over to his best friend and hugging him. “Happy birthday dude.”

Lance smiled, hugging his friend. “Thanks, for the pancakes too.”

“Happy day of birth to you,” Pidge yelled. She grinned when Lance rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out at her. She returned the gesture. “Are ya gonna eat those or can I?”

“I’m definitely going to eat them. There’s no way in hell I’m letting you have my birthday breakfast,” Lance replied. He and Hunk went to join Pidge at the table.

As they ate, Lance went on about how upsetting it was that both his friends had work. They simply told him to stop complaining and to visit them at work. Of course, Lance agreed to visit them at some point during the day. At least that would get Lance out of the house.

It was twenty minutes before his friends had to go, that Lance’s phone made noise. He took it from his back pocket, a smile quickly forming when he noticed what it was.

Keith: Hey, just wanted to say happy birthday. Any plans today, or can we make some? :)

“Ooo, did your boyfriend text you?” Pidge teased. She smirked when Lance gained some pink to his cheeks.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Lance tried to defend himself. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he did find Keith to be rather attractive. Although the mullet was horrendous, Lance had begun to think that Keith was making it work. Besides, how was Lance not supposed to have a teeny tiny crush on a guy who will wake up around one in the morning to listen to Lance rant.

“Keep telling yourself that. What does he need?” Pidge asked. As much as she wanted to tease her friend, she decided to be simple. He was talking to someone other than her and Hunk for the first time in two weeks.

“Did he remember that it’s your birthday?” Hunk added. He was pretty sure that Keith knew when Lance’s birthday was, but it’d been a while since he saw the guy.

“Yeah, he did. He asked me if I have any plans for the day, or if we could make some,” Lance sheepishly admitted. He liked Nyma a lot, and he enjoyed dating her, but he could never get rid of the magical feeling he got when talking to Keith.

“Tell him you’re free!” Pidge stood up fast enough for the chair to be pushed back roughly. It would have fallen down if Hunk hadn’t grabbed it in time.

“Yeah, man! We’re about to go, so you should totally make plans with him,” Hunk agreed. He stood as well, piling his plate along with Pidge’s and Lance’s. He moved them into the sink, hoping that Lance could be somewhat productive and clean them later.

“Alright, alright! I will, but it’s not a date.” Lance glared at Pidge who smirked.

“What if he wants it to be a date?” Pidge couldn’t help but tease. When Lance had first met Keith, he couldn’t stop talking about him. It had gone on for weeks until Lance had begun dating Nyma.

“You never know, maybe he likes you back,” Hunk suggests. He gives Lance a pat on the back, and a side hug before going over to Pidge.

“Will you two leave already? I don’t need to be teased any more.” Lance bites back a smile, not wanting to give away the hope he had that his friends were right.

“Whatever you say. Hope you have a good one, Lance,” Pidge called out. She had already walked to the door, letting herself out. Behind her followed Hunk, who wished Lance a happy birthday once again.

As soon as the door was closed, Lance leaned against it and pulled out his phone. He opened the text from Keith, and quickly replied.

(9:39) Hey! I’m free all day, so I’m all yours. What did you have in mind?

(9:40) Also, do I sense a bit of a flirtatious vibe in ur question bc u can’t just say something like that without being flirty ;)

Even though Lance knew Keith was gay, he found it to be risky to flirt with the guy. He feared that Keith would just shrug it off or that he had someone else in mind. This was something Lance found himself thinking about a lot. He always wondered if his friend was in a relationship. As far as he knew, Keith was single. But it had been at least two months since he last saw Keith in person, and things can change quickly.

Lance was saved from his thoughts when he received a text.

(9:44) Kind of hoped that you would have had something in mind. But how about the mall? We can stay there for a while and then I can take you to dinner if that’s not too much

(9:44) Interpret the question however you want, I don’t mind either way

Lance’s face flushed a bright pink as he read the messages. Keith had to be kidding, right? He couldn’t just flirt, then say he’ll take Lance to the mall and dinner, all while allowing Lance to believe that he was flirting.

It took him a couple seconds to get himself together again. It’s been a while since someone wanted to spend the entire day with him.

(9:45) Too much? If anything, that’s not enough for someone like me

(9:45) I deserve to be pampered to the fullest

Feeling a bit more confident in texting Keith, Lance started walking to his room. If he was going to go out, he obviously had to look nice. He just didn’t know how nice he had to look. He’d just have to search through his things, he’ll probably find something worth wearing. By now, he was extremely glad that Hunk has done his laundry.

(9:46) Yeah, yeah, you’ll get your pampering

Lance felt his face heat up for the third (or forth) time this morning. He pressed the back arrow at the top of the conversation, going to his other ones. He was going to open the one he had with Hunk when he read the snippet from Nyma’s (who was the third conversation).

Nyma <3: Lance, we need to talk, I kn…

He remembered that conversation all too well. He was ready to start the day, go out with his girlfriend and have fun. But then the received the text, and instead of texting back, he had called her. Their argument ended with a not-so-happy Lance, and a more-than-satisfied Nyma.

Lance closed his eyes, taking a couple seconds before he opened them again. He swiped the conversation to the right, and pressed delete. He also left himself a mental note to delete her number later on.

(9:57) It’s a surprise that you still haven’t said anything back

(9:57) I actually thought you were going to start flirting or something, like always

That last one struck him a bit. He didn’t always resolve to flirting, right? He wasn’t some sort of fuck boy, right? To himself, he wasn’t one. He saw himself as a good guy. That’s what he was, right?

(9:58) Nah I’m just getting ready so I look good for our date ;)

Wait, shit, that was flirty. How do you delete a text from both phones by only using one? Lance took a deep breath, mentally slapping himself.

He decided to ignore it. Instead of reading the new text he received, he decided to go into the bathroom to shower. It had been two weeks, he hated to admit. Lance was big on hygiene, but he was a mess after Nyma.

Unintentionally, he took a bit longer than twenty minutes to shower. He didn’t mean to, no, but he was glad he did. It was very well needed after two weeks.

Then it took him another thirty minutes to actually get ready. Apparently when he has plans with Keith, he wants to look his best, and nothing less. So he dressed in red skinny jeans (he won’t admit he bought these just because Keith’s favorite color is red), and a gray T-shirt with the words “birthday king” in blue. It was a birthday gift from Pidge last year because she didn’t know what else to get him.

Feeling ready to go, Lance finally grabbed his phone. He had a text from almost an hour ago.

(10:00) Better not take long, though. I’m heading to your place so we can go from there

“Shit,” Lance cursed, hoping that Keith had not made it yet. He couldn’t be here yet, right? I mean, the dude lived downtown which meant that he has to take the train when visiting Lance (and vice versa). He quickly typed a reply, and grabbed his wallet before rushing to his small living room.

As soon as he entered the room, he screamed. He held a hand to his chest. “What the fuck, man?”

On his slightly worn out couch, sat Keith. He looked up from his phone to stare back at Lance. “What?”

“What are you doing here? How did you even get in?” Lance asked. He took a deep breath and slightly laughed. He watched Keith pull out his keys, holding a single one up for Lance to see.

“With the key you gave me last year,” he answered. He stood up and put away his keys, also putting his phone in his back pocket. “Why did you even take so long? It’s just me.”

That’s the point, it’s just you. The guy, even if I’m dating someone, that can make my knees weak and my heart pound, Lance thought to himself. But to Keith, he rolled his eyes. “It’s my birthday, I need to look luxurious.”

Keith chuckled, shaking his head the slightest bit. “It’s not like you need an hour to do that.”

Lance gulped, feeling his face heat up once again. He wasn’t used to being flirted with, mostly because he was always the one that was flirting. But when it came down to Keith, someone who Lance hasn’t seen in months, he always responded. Keith always said something back, it was as if he was trying to lead Lance into believing that he had a chance. But not once in a million years, did Lance believe that he had a chance with Keith.

“Doesn’t matter, we should get going. You know it’s pretty selfish to be keeping someone as gorgeous as myself all to yourself, Keith,” Lance teased. He stuck his tongue out in a playful manner. He was expecting Keith to ignore his comment and roll his eyes.

But Keith only smiled, taking a step closer to Lance. “Well, I’ll have you know that I’m a pretty selfish person.”

It had taken almost another thirty minutes for Lance and Keith to begin driving to the mall. It was only because Lance couldn’t decide on a radio station to play. Keith had only sat back at watch as Lance went through every single one. Eventually, Lance just turned down all the volume and began the drive.

It was quiet at first, but then Keith brought up a “good” point. He shifted in his seat, turning to face Lance a bit more. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

“You just did,” Lance joked. He snuck a glance at Keith, in time to see the all too well-known eye roll. “What is it?”

“Not that I mind, but why did you call this a date? I mean, aren’t you dating Nyma? So this would be considered cheating, wouldn’t it be?” Keith stared at Lance, feeling the sudden tension between them.

“You said a question, not three,” Lance reminded Keith. But nonetheless, he took a deep breath before answering. “Nyma And I broke up, so it wouldn’t be considering cheating. Besides, the date thing, was a…joke.”

There was a moment of silence between the two.

“What about you? You obviously gotta be single to go along with the date joke.” Lance’s frown was replaced by a smirk. He glanced over to see Keith roll his eyes once again.

“So what if I’m single? It’s not like there’s anyone I really like, anyway.”

Without another word, Lance pulled up in the parking lot. It was full near the doors, so Lance ended up parking a little bit farther. When he was parked, he leaned back in his seat.

“Hey birthday boy, let’s go,” Keith insisted. He reached out a put a hand on Lance’s shoulder. Lance smiled, and he ended up getting out of the car before Keith.

“I invite you to the mall and you leave me behind, how cruel,” Keith called out after him. He picked up his pace until he was by Lance’s side.

“It’s my birthday, I’m allowed to be excited enough to go ahead,” Lance reminds the other man. “Hey, it’s my turn to ask you something. So, why are talking to me all of a sudden after two months?”

Keith rolled his eyes as if that was the stupidest question he’s ever heard. “It’s not like I wanted to stop talking to you for that long. I went out of the country to visit someone and didn’t come back until recently.”

“Oh,” was all Lance could manage. He had spent the first half of the two months going on about how Keith was abandoning him. He felt like an idiot.

The two had walked into the mall in silence, but Lance immediately grabbed Keith’s hand. He led him past the crowd to the front of a clothes store. While Lance looked to the side, Keith stared into the store.

“You want to go clothes shopping first?” Keith asked him, looking over at Lance.

“What? No. It’s Subway,” Lance pointed out. He had Keith look to the side of the store, where there in fact was a Subway.

“Let’s eat later. If we eat now, you’ll be complaining later and I don’t really need that,” Keith insisted. Lance pouted, tugging on Keith’s wrist like a lost child trying to get attention.

“Please? We can share a foot long, yes?” Lance grabbed Keith’s other hand as well, intertwining their fingers. He could feel himself blushing and was pretty sure that Keith was too. “Then we can go a store that you want to go to. Well take as long as you want. Promise.”

Keith stared down at the ground, attempting to avoid Lance’s gaze. But unfortunately for Keith, he was weak when it came to Lance’s pout. Since he learned about it, he’s been wanting to be like Pidge and Hunk, who were able to handle the pout and say no.

So he sighed, taking defeat because he knew he stood no chance. With a happy squeal from Lance, Keith was dragged into the small Subway. The one thing that kept Keith from trying to stop Lance was he fact that he was holding hands with Lance.

“Okay, so do you want to share a foot long, or we each get a six inch? I don’t mind either way,” Lance asked. He turn around to face Keith, who had trailed behind a bit. “Keith?”

“The…the one foot is fine.” Keith’s face was completely red, and he tried to pass it off by saying that it was hot.

Lance didn’t believe him for a second, but he didn’t press things because he was hungry. Hunk’s pancakes were amazing, but he still had room in hi stomach for more. So after asking Keith what he wanted on the sandwich, he ordered. It only took a couple minutes before they had their sandwich and two medium cups. Keith, of course, paid for it all.

They were seated at a table for two in the middle of the place. They had their respective cups and sandwich half. The two of them were also blushing because the young lady at the counter wished them a good date. But this wasn’t a date.

Right?

They spent around thirty minutes in Subway before they left to actually go shopping. As Lance had promised, they went to a store that was of Keith’s interests. Oddly enough, Lance also found it interesting. Maybe it was because the clothes were cute. Or maybe it was because he thought Keith would look good in the cute clothes. Or maybe it was how fascinating Keith looked when he was looking at things he liked.

One way or another, Lance liked the shop because of Keith.