#teenage boy who just woke up skit

[angelsarenamederika]

oh my god congratulations on your top surgery king

[blondrichclosetwitch]

938\939 fugitive Motel

1102 to talk to you pj Harvey

1102\1103 jetgirl

11:09/11:11/11:12 powder blue

11:36Blinding (Florence)

11:36/11:38/11:39 happy phantom (Tori)

12:00 blackstar/bowie (again)

12:02 bathroom/archers of loaf

12:03 star-crossed/kacey musgraves

12:09 time escaping/ big thief

12:11/12:12–live on live pulp

12:36 the trees

12:38/12:39 soul love live bowie

1:09 1000 light years from here/prince

1:36/1:38 PTA pulp

1:39 special kind of love Fleetwood Mac

2:02/2:03 lies/Alex chiton

2:09/2:11 the day i tried to live

2:11/2:12 joe’s dream

2:36 i’m afraid of Americans Bowie

3:02/3:03 teenage spaceship /smog

3:09 supernova liz phair

3:11/3:12 countdown pulp

3:36 revenge wears no wristwatch

3:36/3:38/3:39–the seldom seen kid

4:02/4:03–gold dust woman

4:03 segue Algeria touchshriek/bowie

4:09/4:11/4:12 Rhiannon live/fleetwoodmac

4:36 little T&A Rolling Stones

4:36/4:38/4:39 waiting on a war foo fighters

5:09 dancing out in space bowie

5:09/5:11/5:12–hotel california the eagles

5:18 actor out of work

5:18 Laurie’s theme

5:36 the killing type amanda Palmer

5:36/5:38/5:39 champagne year

5:55 apartment story the National

6:36 professor plants & animals

6:38 The gift outright Robert frost

6:38/6:39 homecoming Kanye

6:49 me & katelan ben fuller

7:09oh yeah bat for lashes

7:09/7:11 tears on my pillow sha na na

7:11/7:12 cheerleader Saint Vincent

7:36/7:38–hey jupiter Dakota version nothing’s gonna save us

8:02/8:03 slave The Rolling Stones

8:09/8:11diond in the dark

8:11/8:12 blood flow smog

836/838/839 quinn beast archers of loaf

839 say something

9:00 I’m so afraid Fleetwood Mac

9:02 skit #2

9:02/9:03 lost in the world

9:36/9:38/9:39 you asked for this

The curtains stay closed

But everyone knows

You hear through the walls in this place

Cigarette holes for every lost soul

To give up the ghost in this place

Mary...

I guess that you could say

I took a great big chance

we never get so close to death

No gentle word could wake me from this slumber until I realize that it was you who held me under

Will we pay for who we been

I can’t answer why but I can tell you how.

It takes a lot of nerve to leave a homemade googly-eye lightbulb in someone’s bathroom to make it clear they’re being watched

Let me set the scene: two lovers ripped right at the seams

they woke up from the perfect dream and then the darkness came

Working the revision

Swinging Still incessant pendulum

I tried to listen to some records but they were all singing about you

“No one saw us but the trees.”

Love is careless and it’s choosing sweeping over cross and baby

A boy and girl are talking

If you’re sick of crying and tired of tears then close your eyes and open your ears listen to the music, listen to the song

Just leave the light on so I can see

We should have never let it slip away

Now and then I realize you’ve been telling me those lies lies lies, always telling me lies

I woke the same as any other day except a voice was in my head

“I learned that I was a liar.”

And I feel his dark embrace as my baby, he cries

I’m afraid of Americans I’m afraid I can’t help it

I was a teenage spaceship, sewn to the sky(katie)

And you fuck like a volcano

I think you came too soon, yeah you came too soon

I can hear them say, they say I can’t survive. They say it’s all a lie, and now it’s coming down.

I’ve had it up to here. Such a shame, such a shame, such a shame

And the pictures are whispering the ones we belong to caught in forever startled and proud, all laughing together

Loves to go down

My name is Mr. touchshriek of touchshriek mail over and fantasy

She is like a cat in the dark and then she is the darkness

The scars healing but the dealers squealing

I’ve been waiting on a war since I was young

Something like a drowning, dancing out in space

Bring your alibis

You’re an actor out of work

you’re a liar and that’s the truth

Enter Laurie stage left

I’m not the killing type(ironically this was the first amanda Palmer song I ever heard, and it was days after the abortion)

Even if you never hear this song, someone else will know

I make a living telling people what they want to hear(k)

Everything we did believe is diving off the balcony

Professor (blond)

Something we were withholding made this week until we found out that it was ourselves

Bitches come from out of town, I like to show her off

Now everybody got the game figured out all wrong

Me & katelan

Creepers crawl and kiss my thighs

Tears on my pillow, pain in my heart caused by you

I’ve told whole lies with a half smile

So are you sane

Nothing‘s gonna save us

Don’t wanna be your slave

And all the meanings got so twisted

alibis, they won’t keep you warm at night

Blood will spill and blood will spurt enemies keep the mind alert

“ she is a secret toy, which I can play. I can’t even think of a reason to keep it alive.”

Hidden well what are you concealing amongst friends but all alone

Slip and I fall and I die

You’re my devil, you’re my hell, you’re my jail

You know I’m still somebody’s daughter, see

You asked for this now

[smallwomanlongstory]

Our Lady of Czestochowa

My memory once contextualized major events using seasons, or tenure at a certain job or school. At some point, though, I began to mark time according to traumas. I knew we sold a property right before the second big relapse. Our daughter's baptism happened a week or so after the first night S slammed my body into furniture.

When it all started, it was October. I took T on a trip to a field across the Hudson River to pick pumpkins. At the farm stand, I picked up a jar of four berry jelly. Waiting in line, I stared at the jar lid and counted the little red, pink and white checks, arriving at an even number. I smiled, thinking there was a potion sealed beneath the gingham. Magic that would vanquish those little drug baggies that tumbled from S's jean pockets into my washing machine. The jelly would show him that I’d thought of him. Foolishly, back then, I still hoped things could be fixed with kind gestures, or the right string of words. 

That October was defined by my bare feet slapping cold hard pavement as I chased after S; by tears streaming down my face as I grabbed him and begged him to go to the hospital. October was my mother’s hand moving back and forth between my shoulder blades as I struggled to fall asleep in my childhood bed. My own bed was uninhabitable because it was where I held my husband and felt his heart beat so hard and so fast, I thought he would die. October was fear; fear that the handful of diet pills S took would give him a heart attack; fear when he called from a far-away city, paranoid and crying; even greater fear when my phone wasn’t ringing.

S moved to the United States, to a middle state, without knowing a word of English, when he was seven. His father took him to a park where S saw kids his age playing soccer. Wanting to join, S asked his dad for an English lesson. His dad told him to just stretch out the Portuguese word for sock, Meia (pronounced "May-Uh"), and taught S a new word, “play.” S sprinted across the grass, repeating his line, “Meia play, Meia play, Meia play,” in his head. When he finally reached the children and asked the rehearsed question, they said, “no”, and ran away.

In the emergency room that October, S squeezed my hand, turning my knuckles white, begging me to tell the doctors he was ok to be released. I knew he wasn’t. I knew he would get out and use again, but I looked at the other people in the psychiatric emergency room; a man in hospital scrubs pacing up and down the hall, spitting into a cup; a women on a gurney, the fluorescent ceiling lights highlighting something brown smeared across her pant leg; a teenage boy behind plexiglass and wires, his knees drawn up to his chest, rocking and sobbing. On drugs, S terrified me, I didn’t want him home, but I could also see the little boy in him, scared himself, running across the park wondering if his shy “May I Play” would be understood, and I couldn’t leave him alone with all that filth and sorrow.

That night, from the depths of my jewelry box, I resurrected the Our Lady of Czestochowa medallion that my grandmother gave me and I started wearing it daily. Every night I told Our Lady my fears, took the necklace off, and placed it under my pillow. Through spiritual osmosis, I hoped, The Black Madonna would take my worries. 

The real Our Lady is a wooden icon, an image of The Virgin mother and her child that was painted by Saint Luke onto a table-top. Said to be fortified by the tears Mary shed ceaselessly following her son’s death, many miracles are attributed to the relic.

During a fourteenth century war with the Tartars, Our Lady’s wooden throat was struck by an arrow. A mark was left. That time period was a bloody one for Poland, and just a few decades later a Hussite pillager added two gashes to her cheek. When the pillager lifted his sword to make a fourth scar, he dropped to the ground and died in agony.  Restoration attempts have tried to smooth the icon’s face and neck, but the stigmata always reappear.

Our Lady of Czestochowa is nicknamed The Black Madonna. Theologians speculate that her face was tinted by soot, centuries of candle offerings. I knew smoke had nothing to do with her coloring.  There is no point in consecrating one’s suffering to something blithe.

When S was healthy, we had a favorite skit. Whenever T woke up wet or hungry, we went together into her room and lifted her from the crib. S would voice-over T’s crying, pretending to be a disgruntled hotel guest. In a pinched English accent, S would say something like: “The service around here is outrageously slow. It took three whole seconds for you people to get here.”

Then I would go, “So sorry sir, I came as soon as you rang. Can I get you a fresh Elmo diaper?”

In the fussy indignation common to infants and crusty old men, S would continue, “What must I do for some warm milk? Need I write a letter to management? Notify my grandmother perhaps?”

T would see her parents laughing and tending to her. Her tears would dry up and she’d smile or coo. I loved our little act. In it, we were our own little universe, a normal family.

Except we weren't, and I became obsessed with Our Lady of Czestochowa. I bought a thick book, a collection of the miracles attributed to the icon: men at war made safe though the odds were against them; blind women made to see; ships manned by devout sailors, righted after being flipped.  My favorite was about a little boy who, not understanding the damage it would cause, placed his baby sister in a warming hearth. The mother returned from some chore to find that her baby was charred, and immediately carried the little burnt body up the hill and into the monastery where our Lady presides. The child was healed and the story wrapped neatly with the family reunited, no questions raised about the brother’s intentions, or the mother’s distraction.

The Black Madonna has two elaborately decorated dresses; one adorned with jewels and one that was hand-sewn with gold thread and beads by peasant women. As liturgical seasons pass, the monks change her. I liked to picture them preparing for the ceremony like school girls given new ornaments for an exceptionally pretty paper doll, competing for a chance to fuss over the amber and embroidery. In my mind, the brothers would become fresh, exchanging snubs and lightly slapping the back of one another’s hands. I wanted to believe that the Black Madonna made them devolve into pettiness, because I wanted Our Lady to be powerful.

Somewhere, I read that I should picture the person I was worried for wrapped in a warm blanket, protected. Desperate for a tool, some nights I put S in every blanket, sheet, and towel in our linen closet. I’d put him in God’s palm, next to Jesus, on a radiant cloud with my dead grandparents. I would feel stupid, childish, still worried.

 It wasn't until the week or so before I left S that, suddenly, finally, I recognized why the blanket imagery never worked. The warm places I'd managed to create weren’t meant for S, they belonged to me. I still love to lift the Black Madonna medallion to my lips and kiss its scars. She reminds me that I can always access faith and safety; it's in my experience, in all the ways that I've survived.

[rawiswhore]

Story Time: How I Got My Crushes in 2017

I still can remember when I got a crush on Freaky Fred from “Courage the Cowardly Dog”. 

It was a Friday morning, and I had a dream where he appeared in it, I think his girlfriend Barbara appeared in that dream too, and then I woke up early in the morning. Then I fell back asleep, and once I fell back asleep and woke up a few hours later I looked up Freaky Fred online. 

The night before, I had bought some Crystal Pepsi at Wal-Mart since it’s an iconic artifact of the 90′s, and supposedly it tasted terrible, and I bought it the night when hours later, I had my Freaky Fred dream.

When I was looking up Freaky Fred that morning, I completely forgot about the Crystal Pepsi. I didn’t drink it the night before because it’s a soda with caffeine, and I can’t drink or eat anything with caffeine and/or sugar because it will make me stay awake and not fall asleep. 

I’m not sure how I got a crush on Rick Sanchez from “Rick and Morty”, but methinks I got a crush on him either from someone making a drawing of his head on a desk near mine in my art history class, watching one of Rebeltaxi’s videos about how Justin Roiland once made a cartoon that’s a parody of “The Cat in the Hat” or looking up “Dirty Disney Confessions” on Youtube to laugh at and seeing a “Dirty ‘Rick and Morty’ confessions” Youtube video.

But pretty soon, Rick replaced my crush on Freaky Fred, and Rick was my biggest, #1 crush.

I also had a small crush on Fritz Huhnmorder, the mad scientist in the “Robot Chicken” intro who looks like a cross between Rick Sanchez and Freaky Fred. 

My crush on him started when I had a crush on Freaky Fred, and Fritz and Fred look alike, don’t they? 

Rick was my #1 crush, but there was another crush I had on someone, and this person was the inspiration for Rick: Doc Emmett Brown from those “Back to the Future” movies.

I used to follow countless amounts of “Rick and Morty” blogs on my other blog when Rick was my #1 crush, and I found another Rick related blog titled @fuckmyassdaddyrick.

This person doesn’t just lust after Rick Sanchez, but also Doc Brown as well.

Thanks to this person, I ended up getting a crush on Doc Brown as well. I even told this person that once before via IM.

I actually have another tumblr blog, and I follow many other tumblr blogs on my other one, and I found this gif of Beetlejuice from the late 80′s/early 90′s cartoon dancing with Lydia, and when I saw that gif I was strangely attracted to him, even though I didn’t want a crush on him.

One night, in my art history class, I was fantasizing of talking with this girl I used to talk with on my other blog called @y2k-aesthetic and she told me she’s dating a guy who was an 80′s kid and she thinks 80′s cartoons were crap and I want to believe her.

I was thinking of talking with her about 80′s cartoons, and in 2017, I wanted to go as Lydia from the late 80′s/early 90′s “Beetlejuice” cartoon for Halloween (and the “Beetlejuice” cartoon is one of the few cartoons of the 80′s that wasn’t just good, but also a good cartoon based on a movie, although I consider the “BJ” cartoon to be more of a 90′s cartoon than an 80′s one since it aired more in the 90′s than 80′s, but that’s another story).

And during that night, I wanted to go home and look up porn/rule34 of Beetlejuice from the cartoon and I did.

That’s what gave me my crush on BJ from the cartoon (I also had a slight crush on BJ from the movie but moreso on the one from the cartoon).

Around that same time, I had found out 80′s comedian Sam Kinison was considered to play Beetlejuice in the Tim Burton movie, and I remember around that time I was worried I was getting a crush on Sam Kinison since I was looking a bit up of him, but I didn’t get a crush on him...then...

In May, I got a crush on another Rik that replaced Rick Sanchez, and that’s Rik Mayall.

What I think gave me my crush on Rik was Freaky Fred. I think because Rik does look a little bit like Freaky Fred, heck, he even played a character named Drop Dead Fred and Freaky Fred and Drop Dead Fred look a bit alike, minus their hair colors.

If they were to make a live action “Courage” movie, Rik could’ve played Freaky Fred, but he’s dead now, and in his later years he was a bit too chubby to play Freaky Fred. 

In June, I got a crush on German actor Klaus Kinski. How? Well, I went on this website titled amiannoying.com, and when you go on this website, they’ll have some random person when you type in the website’s bar. 

I can’t remember what actor it was on this page, but I scrolled down and it said “Faerie Tale Theatre”, which means that person acted on that show.

I thought Rik Mayall guest starred on “Faerie Tale Theatre”, although it turns out, he narrated a TV show a bit similar to “Faerie Tale Theatre”. 

I clicked “Faerie Tale Theatre” and scrolled down.

I didn’t find Rik Mayall, but I did, however, find Klaus Kinski.

Earlier that year, I would look at the Youtube comments of videos that had Freaky Fred in them and I remember one of them comparing Freaky Fred’s looks to Klaus Kinski’s (which is true, they do look alike).

And I remember clicking on Klaus Kinski, and looking up Klaus Kinski online and wondering if he looks like Freaky Fred.

Soon, Klaus became a crush of mine, even though I didn’t want a crush on him.

Then by August, Willem Dafoe became a crush of mine. Why? Well, I’ve seen some people online say Freaky Fred and Willem look alike, which I agree with.

Finally, the last two big crushes I had by the end of 2017: Bobcat Goldthwait and Sam Kinison.

One day, I was really bored out of my skull, and I decided to watch CNN’s “The History of Comedy”, and I watched it because I wondered if Rik Mayall would be mentioned on that show since he’s an icon of British comedy. 

I haven’t seen him in any episodes so far, however, one episode I watched, I saw Bobcat Goldthwait, and seeing old footage of him in the 80′s caught my eye. I thought to myself “He was HOT!!!”. 

And also in that episode, Sam Kinison had a small clip in there, because this episode was about comedians and their struggles with things like depression, drug abuse, etc. And Sam had issues with drugs and alcohol.

When I saw Sam in that episode, I had these little butterflies in my stomach. My stomach felt so tingly, not like I was going to throw up or anything, but I had this tingly sensation like a teenage girl about to talk with her crush. 

Some time after I watched that episode, there was the Donald Trump/Kim Jong Un situation, and remember “Mad TV”? That sketch comedy show based on Mad magazine that had skits like Miss Swan (”He looooooook...like a man!”) and Stuart (”Look what I can do”!), etc.?

Well, “Mad TV” is on par with “The Simpsons” as TV shows that predicted the future.

Back in 2004/2005, there was a skit where Kim Jong Il had his own talk show called the Kim Jong Il show and Donald and Melania Trump were guests on the show (it wasn’t the real Donald and Melania, just cast members impersonating them).

I was reading the comments because of how it eerily predicted the future (although this was when Kim Jong Il was leader, not Kim Jong Un).

One person in the comments said: “Trump looks like Sam Kinison here. Lord help us, Sam Kinison would make a better prez than Donald Trump...” which I agree with.

Y’know, when you think about it, Donald Trump and Sam Kinison look alike, they even sound a little bit alike too. 

Minor Crushes:

Peter Capaldi- I’ve never watched “Dr. Who” or cared for it, but when Rick Sanchez became a crush of mine, many people have said if they were to make a live action “Rick and Morty” movie, Peter should play Rick, and I do see the resemblance. I’ve also seen a post on tumblr say Willem Dafoe should play Rick.

Yahoo Serious- When Rik Mayall was still a crush of mine, I remember being at my local community swimming pool, and getting out of the pool to dry myself off, and in my head popped “Yahoo Serious”.

Never heard of him? He was an Australian comedic actor in the late 1980′s who was famous for about 15 minutes. He was very big for a little while, even being on the cover of Time magazine, but once the 80′s ended, so did his career.

The reason he popped in my head is because Rik Mayall played Drop Dead Fred, and Yahoo Serious kind of looks like Drop Dead Fred, he could’ve probably have even played him. In fact, I’ve sometimes even wondered if Yahoo Serious was like Australia’s answer to Rik Mayall, although Rik is a legend in his native England, I don’t even think Yahoo Serious is even remembered in his home country of Australia! (No disrespect to Yahoo Serious though) 

Josh Todd- Lead singer for the rock band Buckcherry. On this website amiannoying.com, I looked up Amanda Todd, that teenage Canadian girl who made this viral video explaining her story of how she flashed some boys online and got bullied for it, and then killed herself after she made that video. When I looked up “Todd”, I found Josh Todd from Buckcherry, and I’ve seen people say that Josh Todd and Willem Dafoe look alike, which I agree with. So I clicked on Josh Todd and got a crush on him. 

Richard Lynch- Never heard of him? He was this actor who acted in a lot of horrible B-movies as well as guest starred on a lot of popular TV shows: “Starsky and Hutch”, “Star Trek: The Next Generation””, “The A Team”, etc. 

I never even heard of him until 2017. I was on Klaus Kinski’s IMDB page and he’s in a few IMDB lists, and I was scrolling down and found a list dedicated to men this person would be down to fuck or just kiss, and I clicked it, and not only was Klaus Kinski on this list, Richard Lynch was too. I was attracted to Richard by his IMDB photo, and I looked him up. 

Years ago, I used to watch horror movie trailers on OnDemand on my TV, and I remember one of the trailers was for a “Nightmare on Elm Street” knockoff called “Bad Dreams” which Richard appeared in. That trailer scared me. Looking now, the trailer isn’t that scary. 

I’m pretty sure when I saw that trailer years ago, I thought Richard looked like Freaky Fred from “Courage the Cowardly Dog”, and this was way before I got a crush on Freaky Fred.

It’s a shame he was never all that famous. He was very handsome and had a hot voice too. 

Junkrat- I don’t play video games nor do I care for them, however, I’ve seen people on tumblr, when typing in “Freaky Fred” in the tumblr search engine, people have compared Junkrat’s looks to Freaky Fred’s. I see the resemblance!

I’ve followed a lot of Rick Sanchez blogs and looked at them, and one person said “People who think Rick is hot are probably the same people who think Junkrat is hot”.

The thing is, I think Junkrat is a lot hotter in people’s fanart than he is in the video game. 

Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter from “Batman: The Animated Series”- When I typed in Freaky Fred in the search engine for tumblr, someone made a gifset/pictureset of his first childhood crushes. 

This person’s crushes were Double D from “Ed, Edd n Eddy” (he was my first crush too), the black boy from “Coraline”, Static Shock, Jervis Tetch from “Batman: The Animated Series”, Freaky Fred, Edward Scissorhands and Beetlejuice from the live action movie.

Nergal from “The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy”/”Grim and Evil”- Nergal is strangely hot. I’ve always found him kind of hot. 

When it was Halloween, I made a lot of gifs of him and put them on my other tumblr page. 

Also, one last thing, in 2016...my celebrity crush was David Duchovny from “The X Files”, and I followed a lot of David Duchovny stuff on my other tumblr blog.

Someone’s tumblr page had “Rick and Morty” stuff on it as well as “X Files” stuff on it, and it was fanart of Rick, and I remember seeing that fanart and thinking Rick was hot. 

Also, before I got a crush on Rick, I once had a dream where Rick and Morty and BoJack Horseman appeared. But I didn’t know who was Rick and who was Morty, I had never watched the show, I just heard of people talking about it.

And I was even worried that Rick (or Morty) would become a crush of mine. 

Rick eventually did. 

Now that I think about it, I think since I got a crush on Freaky Fred thanks to a dream I had of him, I got a crush on Rick because I remembered a dream I had of him.

Also, one last thing...Freaky Fred is basically why I had crushes on men like Rik Mayall and Klaus Kinski. 

I was on “Horror Movie Confessions” on tumblr, and I looked up “Courage the Cowardly Dog” since that’s a horror themed show, and someone said this confession about how Henry Kane from “Poltergeist II” looks like Freaky Fred, and the resemblance is undeniable.

I actually worried of getting a crush on him since he looks like Freaky Fred and I looked up some pics of him. This guy was very ugly and creepy looking, I know about how he suffered from cancer later on in his life which is why he looked the way he did, but I didn’t want a crush on this guy because he’d be considered creepy and ugly by society. 

I never did get a crush on this guy and I don’t want one. 

Actually, all of the men I had crushes on this year, I didn’t want crushes on, even Rik Mayall, but looking back, Rik Mayall is someone I’m proud of having a crush on. Josh Todd wasn’t bad looking either. 

Then again, I’ve seen people online say they want to be banged by Pennywise from “It”, both versions, I’ve also seen one person on the Horror Movie Confessions on tumblr say she wants to be fingered by Freddy Krueger, and I’m like “What the fuck?!?!”. 

Also, there was this guy who followed this blog who called himself @boredandabroad, and his tumblr avatar is an image that says “dirty old men need love too”.

I looked up that phrase on Google, and I found a video that I completely forgot about...a video of an old man who called himself Edarem, and his real name is Edward Muscare, and he was this old man who uploaded videos of himself dancing to these songs or lipsynching these songs. He became notorious for being creepy AF.

I looked up this guy’s videos and this guy in some of his videos looked exactly like an elderly Freaky Fred, especially the video where he uses a toilet brush as a back scratcher, at the end of the video when he smiles and says “Spread the word”.

I also saw some people compare his looks to Doc Brown from “Back to the Future”, another crush of mine.  

I did NOT want a crush on this Edarem guy at all, I never did have a crush on him, in fact, in many mugshots I’ve seen of him, he’s very ugly. He was even creepier looking when he was younger. 

It’s a shame that the comments on his edarem videos are filtered and you can’t see them, I want to see the comments people have left on his videos! 

Also, one last honorable mention:

There was a guy who calls himself @inthemidstofthis27 I found on tumblr when looking up “The Angry Beavers” on tumblr, and he was wearing an “Angry Beavers” T-shirt. 

I clicked on his page and I ended up getting a crush on him. He kind of looks like Bobcat Goldthwait in the 80′s, especially when he has long hair.

I talked with him and I wanted him to check this blog out, it also turns out he loves “Rick and Morty” and he’s around the same age as me. 

Unfortunately, he blocked me on tumblr even though I didn’t say anything bad to him. 

[ronanlyncx]

the best parts of the dream thieves (featuring me crying pt. 2)

part one

- “Ronan was everything that was left: molten eyes and a smile made for war” 

- Ronan’s second secret #gay

- Gansey: “i would have thought you had more muscles. Don’t feminist have big muscles?” i just want to punch him can someone please punch him

- gansey calling ronan an incredible creature #gay 

- “The elderly made ronan anxious” bitch me too!!!

- Ronan wanting to race kavinsky in the pig and adam is like dude no there is like 5 people in here we weigh too much and ronan goes: “noah doesn’t count” “Hey!” “You’re dead!” i love these nerds

- Gansey: “am I in your dreams?” Ronan: “Oh yes, baby” i hate him jsjksksk

- “Ronan sometimes dreamt of Adam, too” #gay

- Gansey and Ronan going to get orange juice at 3:32 am 

- “Unlike some people, my sense of worth isn’t tied into my occupation.” “Ooooooh,” Orla crowed… she traded her Henrietta accent for a gloriously snotty version of the Old South. “Someone’s been hanging out with Richard Campbell Gansey the third too much.” orla just came for blue’s life holy shit 

- “Jane!” “It’s a wizard in box.” “It will do your homework.” “And it’s been dating your girlfriend.” “Are you all drunk?” hey quick question wtf am i reading

- “Why is the tea so good here?” “I spit in it” Blue Sargent is an icon

“Blue Sargent was pretty in a way that was physically painful to him. He was attracted to her like a heart attack.” not to sound like a cheesy white lady or anything but this shit breathtaking bro

- “What do you want, Adam? What do you need, Adam?… Freedom, autonomy, a perennial bank balance, a stainless steel condo in a dustless city, a silky black car, to make out with Blue, eight hours of sleep, a cell phone, a bed, to kiss Blue just once, a blister-less heel, bacon for breakfast, to hold Blue’s hand, one hour of sleep, toilet paper, deodorant, a soda, a minute to close his eyes. What do you want, Adam? To feel awake when my eyes are open.” PROTECT THIS ANGEL GET HIM SOME TOILET PAPER WTF (also notice how what he wants continues to drop in difficulty to acquire this is so sad i’m literally a mess) 

- “You be careful, Adam Parrish. ‘Cause one day you might get what you ask for. There might be girls in Henrietta who’ll let you talk to them like that, but i’m not one of them.” i really love this woman

- “He [Gansey] was bare-legged and sockless in his Top-Siders and very clearly a real human, an attainable human, and this, somehow, made Ronan want to smash his fist through a wall” #gay

-  “Adam thinks he saw an apparition at his place” Ronan eyed Noah, “I’m seeing an apparition right now.” this entire relationship is just ronan roasting noah have you ever seen anything so pure

- Noah freaking out about the glitter in the snowglobe #angel

- Ronan paying Adam’s rent i am alive

- Gansey comparing Blue to a platypus

- “He threw me out the window!” “You’re already dead!” amazing

- Blue wanting to get Adam high so he can relax seriously someone let this boy take a nap

- Noah: “Is crack the same thing as speed?” 

- Ashley not going into St. Agnes bc she “refuses to participate in a ceremony that doesn’t allow equal spiritual privileges to women”  NICE

- Ronan dreaming kavinsky a replica of his white sunglasses after kavinsky gave him a copy of ronan’s leather bands #pettygay

- “and he was the boy with the most beautifully interesting car and the most savagely handsome of friends, Ronan Lynch” #gay

- Gansey: “I love this car. I should buy four more of them. I’ll just open the door of one and fall into the other. One can be a living room, one can be by kitchen, I’ll live in one…” what...the fuck

- Declan coming to give gansey a new battery for the pig and Ronan actually doing the most™ “He hurriedly sprawled back in the seat, throwing one jean-covered leg over the top of Adam’s and laying his head in a posture of thoughtless abandon. By the time Declan arrived, Ronan looked as if he had been asleep for days.” this is so extra omfgggg

- “His [Declan’s] gaze followed his brother’s leg to where it rested on top of Adam’s, and his expression tightened.” dude ronan even your brother is noticing your crush u gotta do better

- Gansey thinking that Ronan tried to kill himself after all this time and then finding out that Ronan was attacked by a dream demon thing #shook

- Gansey and Ronan fighting a different dream demon thing with a box cutter and a crowbar how are these children alive 

- “She [Blue] wore a dress Ronan thought looked like a lampshade. Whatever sort of lamp it belonged on, Gansey clearly wished he had one. Ronan wasn’t a fan of lamps.” This is the least subtle homosexuality metaphor i have ever read in my life (also: Gansey crushing on Blue #nice)

- refer to this post 

- “Let’s just go on before Gansey has time to say something that makes me hate him” lmao

- “The air was stained permanently with the pleasant odor of Ronan’s childhood: hickory smoke and boxwood, grass and seed and lemon cleaner. ‘I remember,’ Gansey said thoughtfully to Ronan, ‘when you used to smell like this’” #gay

- Dream toaster

- “I am being perfectly fucking civil” #iconic

- “Don’t fucking swear” #iconic pt 2

- Calla preforming arial yoga through the continuation of Ronan’s reading 

- The entire time they are on the boat adam and gansey have the biggest hard-ons for orla and blue wants to die/kill them and ronan is disgusted 

- ronan complains about the heat like 600 times i love my dramatic son

- Gansey finding the skin of blue’s calf more “tantalizing” than orla’s entire torso boiiiii if u dont get!!!!!

- “Blue cheerfully spit a mouthful of brown water on his boat shoes.” she’s doing god’s work

- “He was struck by what a glorious and fearless animal Blue Sargent was.” I’m emo

- “Gansey, pacing next to his ruined miniature Henrietta, set his eyes on Ronan. There was something intense and heedless in them. There were many versions of Gansey, but this one had been rare since the introduction of Adam’s taming presence.” The fact that adam calms gansey down is so pure and i cannot believe this is canon (also: blue also calms gansey down... i love my bisexual son)

- Gansey being badass asf when him and ronan go to confront kavinsky about breaking in the apartment and ronan going super heart-eyes 

- also i am convinced that this scene is dick’s bi awakening

- “…Gansey leaving for D.C. without him was unbearable. They had been a two-headed creature for so long, Ronan-and-Gansey. He couldn’t say it, though. There were a thousand reason’s why he couldn’t say it” #GAY

- “While i’m gone, dream me the world. Something new for every night.” #REALLYGAY

- no one in fox way can work a cellphone maura literally had to get blue to make the gray man’s voicemail work

- Ronan blowing a kiss to gansey and adam when they are flying away in the helicopter i fucking hate him jsjsjs

- Helen asking if Adam wants to go into the whole foods with her and adam just stares at her. me too buddy

- “’Pigmy Pouters. Feisty ones!’ Gansey mouthed Blue at Adam. Adam let out a little wail of helpless laughter.” adam parrish laughing: a concept

-  Blue finally admitting to herself that she likes Gansey while laying in his bed

- “I’d ask you out, if i was alive” “i’d say yes” :(((((

- the fact that adam’s dad actually pushed my manz down the stairs at one point i will personally fight robert parrish

- “This is Adam Parrish. Shake his hand. He’s more clever than I am. One day we’ll be throwing one of these shindigs for him.” MY HEART

- Adam literally filling up a whole page describing helen #bi

- when helen asks why ronan wasn’t with them, adam and gansey both get the mental image of the house burning down lmao

- “you gonna race with those shades on, you Bulgarian mobster Jersey trash piece of shit?” he’s so elegant with words!!!1111!!!

- Ronan thinking Kavinsky is beautiful um this is gross but #gay 

- Gansey calling Blue to calm him down just because she makes him feel “uneven and shattered” im fucking emo

- Kavinsky calling gansey literally anything BUT his name: “Dick three” “dick dick dick” “Dickie”

- Ronan figuring out how to master his dreams and then leaving kavinsky #scammer

- to be honest i cannot believe helen and gansey managed to convince adam about the hondoyota with the literal SKIT they used 

- “HEY, OLD MAN!” “Ronan!” ANGELS

- ronan apologizing for wrecking the pig and Gansey actually not believing his ears.

- “Hey, Churchill tried to negotiate with hitler.” “Did he?” don’t argue with boat shoe about history this man will rip you to shreds

- pink switchblade

- “Times circular, chicken”

- BLUE GOING OFF ON ADAM IM JUST ABOUT TO QUOTE THE WHOLE ROAST

- THE WHOLE ROAST: “Politics! I have no interest. Voting? What? I forgot my apron. I think I ought to be in the kitchen right now, actually. My rolling pin-” “i didn’t know that you-” “thats my point! did it even occur to you? You wouldn’t have gone someplace without Gansey, though. You two make a grand couple! kiss him! (lmao) Well, i don’t want to be just someone to kiss. I want to be a real friend, too. Not just someone who’s fun to have around because- because I have breast!” GO OFF BITCHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Adam calling Blue a raging feminist like do boys not know that this is a complement like yes this is the angle i am going for thanks for noticing

- Gansey and Blue’s first drive together #i #am #emo

- “Jane, in this light you... Jesus. Jesus. I’ve got to get my head straight.” MURDER ME

- When Adam woke up at fox way after being asleep for 24 hours or whatever he drank four glasses for pomegranate juice and three cups of tea and then left in the span of ten minutes. i know sometimes these kids act like they are 50 years old but....this is a teenage boy 

- “It was against Ronan’s nature to appear overly interested in anything.” HES SO EXTRA 

- Grey man: “But it wasn’t personal.” Ronan: “It. Was. To. Me.” :((((((((((( also i’m pretty sure neil josten said the same thing to that police officer one time i love parallels. 

- “when ronan thought of gansey, he thought moving into monmouth manufacturing, of nights spent in companionable insomnia, of a summer searching for a king, of gansey asking for the grey man for his life. Brothers.” kill. me. 

- kavinsky dying #goodshit 

[dwestfieldblog]

‘’A GREAT DAY FOR CIVILIZATION’‘

THE BLACKNESS OF DARKNESS FOREVER

'Verily a polluted stream is man, One must be an ocean to receive a polluted stream without becoming unclean'. Indeed...November-December '2019'...Anarchy for the UK? Looks as if Boris is working for the other side in a similar way to Trump. Ride the populist wave and spark a gathering civil war. I remember reading some years ago about how the SAS were trained in knowing exactly where to place a small amount of explosive to bring down machinery, rather than a James Bond type explosion. Just set it right and allow the machine to destroy itself through its own natural momentum. Every time these two fat blonde fools open their mouths it reminds me of this. They appear to be helping to destroy it all from the inside...will the constitutions of these two noble (arf) countries survive their egos? The education system is breeding a mass of fools and large parts of social media are indeed being weaponised to stir up emotions, working hard to pull it all down.

A looming election in Britain and a current party in power who has received millions from Russian oligarchs to encourage various unions to split apart. Hexagram 23 is thrown again. The other choices are just as dangerous. Nobody of any use whatsoever to vote for. Don't look back, good days ahead eh? Anyone remember Boris saying in 2018 that Britain was 'truly headed for the status of colony'? Yes Mr Johnson, but not a European one. Meanwhile, onwards...

Children are born with a strong sense of curiosity to explore their senses and ask questions. By the time they leave College and University this often seems to have been reduced to mere drug taking without any actual increase in perception...and the need to join a political or religious group. The leaders of such groups do not encourage the curious in nature, as individuality is less than essential to to a leader who requires obedience and the transference of energy. Stirring up righteous emotions takes the place of both rational thought and instinct...and the inquisitive rebels become fervent drones or else passive without actually being tranquil. Never forget the accurate part in Monty Python's Life of Brian where the gathered mass repeat (apart from one) 'YES, WE ARE ALL INDIVIDUALS!' Small wonder the butchers smell easy meat on a daily basis...but at least the lambs are ‘’woke’’, eh?

I recently read the long paragraph of topics NOT to be used by comedians in universities in America and Britain. Ready? 'Racism, sexism,classism, ageism, abelism, homophobia, biophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, Islamophobia, or anti-religion or anti-atheism; These topics can be 'discussed' but 'in a respectful way'. Comedy kids! The PC snowflake future of these countries will be devoid of humour, only safe jokes on the mundane...and at some point even skits on mass murderers will be banned so as not to cause offence to killers several sandwiches short of a picnic.

P.C quote...'I happen to agree with the P.C. cult about many things. (In fact I only differ with them in not liking their intolerance, their fascist tactics, their introduction of Maoist brainwashing to our groves of Academe, their utter lack of humor, their continuous violations of ordinary common sense, their evident desire to destroy our Constitution and their lack of simple human decency') Robert Anton Wilson Cosmic Trigger Three, Hilaritas Press 1995/2018. Speaking of whom...

'The secret of power and wealth? You know how dumb the average guy is? Well, by mathematical definition, half of them are even dumber than that'. RAW. And therefore simpletons to manipulate for votes, money, sex and power. Endless slogans of 'Vote for me, I appear to share the same prejudices as you and of course I believe our country should rise again'. Etc. And so things will remain, until a few more of us consciously choose to edit less and tune in more, changing reality tunnels into reality labyrinths in good humour, there is unlikely to be the fabled phase transition... but it is coming. May Be. Trust me, I am an almost fully realised lunatic. Those with twofold vision will be unable to stop the wheel of evolution. As above, so below, inward is outward. Non simultaneously apprehended events....

China, seventy years of glorious and highly successful communism, well done to the personality cult of Winnie the Pooh. Took them this long to ban South Park. ARF. Don't forget kids, 'the imposition of order=escalation of chaos. The more laws there are, the more crime there will be.' Tell that to the judge...Remember...'The party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. IT WAS THEIR FINAL,MOST ESSENTIAL COMMAND' .1984  

Trump said Greta Thunberg 'seems like a very happy girl looking forward to a bright and wonderful future. So nice to see!''. She then put that as her description on her facebook page:-) Goddess bless her. Fascinating but not surprising the papers with editors connected financially with concerns that involve oil etc, are writing editorials about how she is being manipulated and that her Asbergers (which she calls a superpower) makes her a loony. Love that she rejected the environmental award. And now she is Time magazine's Person of the Year, Trump will steam all the more and twitter out yet more methane. ('Every time he sits down, his voice gets muffled'.) Eve was the first human to think for herself...and men like you have never forgotten this eh? Grimly amazed to hear his female press secretary Grisham say his former Chief of Staff 'was totally unequipped to handle the genius of our great president'. She wasn't being sarcastic just applying more brown lipstick. North Korean platitudes in the USA. Cheese Boy and the Old Dotard, coming soon to a nightmare near you...

(A day after I wrote that paragraph, Trump did indeed tweet his disgust and jealous sarcasm, whereupon she promptly took his words once more and updated her biography again to 'A teenager working on her anger management problem. Currently chilling and watching a good old fashioned movie with a friend'. Perhaps she reminds him of a similar smart girl who refused his clumsy advances when he was that age and is seeking delayed revenge. Or just trying to make his oil/resource friends laugh.  His gimp master Putin certainly is. 'Condemned to eternal bullshit' to quote Mr John Lydon. Meanwhile away from the chaos, the darkness and the gate of the land of Night and entropy defined as a gradual decline into disorder, some levity is needed to slow the descent into bleakness ...)

Artificial Intelligence is to be given intellectual property rights...is this really a good idea? Discuss between yourself. Being Terminated by a robot is bad enough but being sued by a machine? Or do the Free Laws apply here? Well, when we cannot believe what we see, we see what we can believe. The state is concentric but the individual is eccentric eh? A random shuffle of cut ups, amazing how often they can make coherent sense, depending on what state the brain is in...I used to be a Libertarian but they had too many rules.

Or, as Alien Sex Fiend once said..'Everybody wants what everybody's got and everybody's got what everybody wants,soldier lies bleeding where a church once stood.' I love you cos you got green hair...Live fast, die young and leave a beautiful corpse, like Curt Cobain. I am a work in regress. Conditioned reflexes are built onto the imprints. Imprints are only changed through work or by a shock of one type or another. Bad news for the lazy cowards among us. 'Apothecary, give me something to sweeten my imagination!'  

...Some days later, a new campaign slogan from Boris to 'forge a new Britain'. In the meaning of fakery and counterfeits? I spent five minutes today reading Trump's Twitter account and felt my mind shivering in horror. This man seems to be seriously mentally ill. And suddenly impeachment (albeit a long time coming) is on the table.  Lurve the quote today from a Republican that 'abuse of power is not a crime'. In a democratic country? Could he be dirt on the road by next year? A smear on the wind shield, a nasty smell in the corner of a locked room? Will the Land of the Free (ARF) have a fresh awakening? Delicious to hold this thought for a while.....

One week later...

And so it was that Boris won an outright majority. And that is where we are in Britain, the other choices were so dreadful, we chose the evil of three lessers. You CAN fool most of the people all of the time. Let's keep repeatedly mentioning the millions of pounds donated to his Conservative party by oligarchs, the four jobs he lost because of lying, the children he does not pay child support to, the absolute lack of respect he commands on the world stage, his endless endless mask of buffoonery, avoidance of questions with a charade of good humour, his lack of manners, ridiculous failed projects paid for by public money, his cover ups, Brexit NHS lies and...and... and all of this happened before he was elected prime minister. THAT'S how poor the alternatives were. And his friends who are shorting stocks in order to cash in on Brexit. These businessmen, like those in the apocalyptic religions, looking forward to the End, to be raised higher in the rapture of Big Money. Nice grip on decency and morality to wish for the destruction of your country for the sake of your pockets. Mutton dressed up as a wolf in a judas goat's clothing, bleating,'This is the way, follow me and ignore the rotating knives;...

Wish and hope to be proved wrong, I have no problem whatsoever with being shown I am wrong when I am. I learn something positive about human nature then and my cynicism is overcome for a while. Not sure what we offer the world other than what we already have given and of course, weapons. Our best minds fled to America, Switzerland, New Zealand etc a long time ago. I expect Scotland to rid herself of English bullshit in no short order. Much as the USA, we became united through violence, the force of manipulation and then the desire to be stronger together. If a large part of the kingdom wishes to split in order to maintain previous relations with Europe, who seem to have behaved far better to it than did England, then go for it ye Celts. Looks as if the English really enjoy being told what to do by posh boys with a shaky grasp of morals. Pathetic. If I wasn't a Christian I'd...oh wait, I'm not...

Sick of these alpha male dumb foul-hearted swine equating power with only brute force and see those who care to evolve as weak. Those who believe respect comes only through fear will have a rude awakening, sooner...or much later. 'So this is how liberty dies, with thunderous applause'.  

And once again for all you Aristotelian black and white types, no I am not a Socialist or a Communist or a Liberal. I just have a deep dislike and mistrust of poncey arrogant lying snobs whose behaviour is far worse than those with a quarter of the education and opportunities they had. Again, perhaps I am wrong and Boris will suddenly rise and show his mettle and be the exact opposite of all he has been and done before. There is a percentage of possibility. My instinct says 'Don't hold yer breath'.  Or...'All things are a coincidence of opposites' Bruno of Nola. So, hope.

Peptides select the reality you experience, so get working on widening the spectra of possibilities and get neurotransmitting all ye psychonauts...at least laugh more...

I am sure it seems lazy just to dump yet another load of favourite quotes in these blogs as ballast,with which to add weight to my rather vague or ranted writings but you deserve some actual mind food during these screeds eh? So...'...brains are made of cells which are made of atoms which are made of electrons which are superimpositions of waves'. And the waves are influenced by...'The hidden variable theory of consciousness asserts (1) there is a sub-quantal level beneath the observational/theoretical structure of ordinary quantum mechanics; (2) events occurring on this sub-quantal level are the elements of sentient being.' Dr. E H Walker and N Herbert. Page 174. I need add nothing to that because it is all there, but...Imagine, if you Will...

And thus...

'We find that our consciousness controls physical events through the laws of quantum mechanics'

'The sum total of all minds is one'. Schroedinger.

'I don't ask that my opinion be made into law'.The republican's favourite hated comedian Bill Maher, speaking about prejudices on weed, sex, comedy, childbirth, books, films etc etc. 'Society runs at the speed of its slowest member'...Thus spake Jim Jeffries, explaining very clearly why various human made laws exist...and why the 'train' of evolution is scarcely moving thanks to all the dead weight it has to pull behind the engine/the first car. (Where within, all the scientists, philosophers, poets and engineers are thinking...; If I just pull out this peg and separate the cars 'Do you know how fast we would be moving?' ) Go for it lucid 3D dreamers...soon.....

An insane God burning its infinite energy on lower things, well why not? It passes eternity in the Akashic hologram eh? 'The hardware remains local, but nobody can localize the software'. Hope this is clear enough.  

'Beauty is nothing but the beginning of terror which we are barely able to endue and we are so awed because it serenely disdains to annihilate us. Rainer Maria Rilke. while listening to Swans from another dimension. I have never read anything from RMR, Kahil Gibran or Rumi that wasn't as magickal as Blake or Yeats. Eternity manifested in the light of day, something infinite behind everything appeared...

Time for us to step back out and away from all the old repeating news. To pay it no mind and certainly no heart. Just let go and leave it behind, allow them to get on with their ruin as we step discreetly to one side. Play your part by standing apart.

A lot of this year has felt pretty foul for various self induced reasons but has been enlightened (literally) considerably by good friends, great books, a couple of summer months on weed, and the beauty, grace, blood and power of PJ Harvey, Thighpaulsanndra, Puscifer, Swans, Killing Joke and the immortal COIL. Readers, I wish you a healthy, good hearted 2020... See you later, perhaps in a fulgurous exhalation conglobed in a cloud by the circumfused humour...

'If you have been on the upside of luck, build longer bridges, not higher fences'  

SPIRAL OUT...KEEP GOING...AND ILLUMINISE NOW )+(  LOVE.