#ted's wood working

[quillfind]

(via Ted's Woodworking Plans Is Worth Buying) Ted’s Woodworking Plans are for those who want guidance in bringing their woodworking projects to life. It is a high-quality woodworking plan which offers a treasure trove of possibilities. In this article I will tell you why this Ted’s Woodworking Plans is worth buying.

[altschmerzes]

okay man you know what else kills me here though. like- the scene in that episode of sam’s breakdown in the locker room (which- hooooooly shit. acting of all time. that RUINED me i was in PIECES.) when he realized his dad was there and went straight to him was such a direct parallel to jamie’s locker room breakdown because of his dad, which is the obvious mirroring point there and is ruinous to my feelings for the obvious reasons but there’s another part that’s particularly getting me now that i’m thinking about that scene again, and reflecting on it and on sam and jamie’s relationships with their fathers as foils to each other, and you know what the kicker is for me at the moment?

it’s sam seeing ola there and going immediately straight to him while jamie stood completely frozen until someone else had to come to him. they were both caught and held, they both broke down sobbing while someone supported them, but the way they got there was so different.

where do you go when you need to be safe? do you have somewhere to go? do you know it? how do you get there? the show is asking those questions over and over, i think.

[eskawrites]

ALSO speaking of AUs it’s halloween weekend so i’m contractually obligated to think about night in the woods idek how niche this is but i’m writing it out anyway bc i’m suddenly obsessed okay

NitW au where Nancy is Mae and Robin is Bea

Nancy finally gets out of Hawkins and goes to college, where she quickly finds out that she can’t for the life of her move on from her trauma

Nancy, who is haunted by what happened to Barb. everyone knows she was there the night Barb died. there are whispers that she did it. the only reason no one says anything is because her family is nice, and it’s a small town. people don’t say those kinds of things to your face

Nancy who is angry, and hurt, and lonely, and scared, and so, so, so lost. And she can’t keep it together anymore. She has a breakdown at school. She drops out and drives all the way back to Hawkins, alone

Meanwhile, Robin has always wanted to get the hell out of Hawkins. She did everything right: good grades, extracurriculars, worked as much as possible to save up money. But then her mom died, and her dad is no help at all, and she gets stuck working a dead end job in a dead end town for the rest of her dead end life

Robin who tries to be polite when she sees Nancy again, but mostly she’s just tired. She looks at Nancy and all she sees is the girl who had everything she ever dreamed of, then just threw it all away

Nancy trying to adjust to life back home. What has changed and what never will. the guy who owned the diner died. there’s a new grocery store out by the highway. a few people have moved. most of them have stayed.

She learns that Jonathan and his little brother disappeared one night, finally running away like they always said they would. Neither of them have been in contact with anyone since.

cue weird shit starting to happen in Hawkins. kids go missing. Nancy sees something she’s not supposed to on Halloween. 

she starts investigating, and she drags her friends into it, too--Steve volunteering, Eddie going where Steve goes, and Robin tagging along because she has nothing else to do in this shitty town

the kids are there too! Max as Lori, just a lost, lonely, vaguely angry teenager who clings to Nancy the instant Nancy turns out to be nice to her

Dustin as Germ, just a weird, lovable guy who’s been hanging out around Steve and Eddie lately. somehow the only vaguely well-adjusted person in town

something-something the Upside Down instead of a weird cult, and no one in town is listening to them as they keep investigating

Nancy having horrible nightmares and gradually deteriorating as she gets closer and closer to uncovering the truth

Reconnecting with Steve, the only one who seems genuinely excited to see her. Building a friendship with Eddie.

Slowly breaking through Robin’s walls after Robin seems to effortlessly knock down hers. Between getting trashed at a party in the woods and sitting quietly together in a graveyard, they’re reminded of all the reasons why they fell apart, and all the reasons why it’s so easy to come back together again

(idk man, the ‘is this just proximity?’ conversation lives rent free in my mind. and give me messed up Nancy, traumatized Nancy, sometimes completely unhinged Nancy next to a world-weary Robin who eventually learns to bask in all the love and care and passion--good and bad--that Nancy puts into the world)

Robin running away from a party in the city. Nancy sprinting through the rain, panicked, trying to find her again.

Robin losing her mind when Nancy gets hurt; Robin becoming clingy and tender and not letting Nancy out of her sight after that

i’m gonna go replay nitw and think about this now, byeee

[seat-safety-switch]

When we were kids, we didn't have access to cool power tools. Every summer, when the soapbox derby race was coming, we'd break into my neighbour's garage while he was at work. Then, we'd use his drill press, lathe, table saw, all the fun tools. Over the course of a week, a race car was produced, which is more than the workshop ever made during the rest of the year.

Sure, we could have asked him if we could have borrowed his tools, but no doubt he would want to be there to supervise. And then he'd want to help. We'd never get done while we were busy indulging the suburb-tinged fantasies of someone who didn't take wood shop and chose instead to idly worship at the altar of Television Presents: The Fantasy of Bob Vila in adulthood.

One year, Old Man Garrett got a security system. Probably this was because Ted (fucking Ted) didn't clean up the sawdust that one time like we asked him to. The old man must have seen the footprint, and realized that he did not wear size-seven Nikes. Child thieves, casing his precious table saw! Now, our humble breaking-and-entering had become significantly more difficult than "reach a coat hanger under the door and pull the emergency release."

With the help of some of the high-school kids who were taking electronics class, we managed to defeat the security system. We did so using an ancient Japanese technique known as "distract Old Man Garrett while he's setting it, and then cut the wires to the panel." I think it loses something in translation, but you get the gist of it. That year's car was especially sweet.

In adulthood, I got drunk and bragged to some work buddies about our little scam. They responded in abject horror, because I was still occupying the weird hump in the middle of a normal distribution of "acceptable crimes." It was terrifying to them to see one of their own, one of the suburbanites, speak openly about largely-harmless property crimes. What if we had been hurt, they shrieked. Around the water cooler, I would become a pariah, unless I could make amends.

I did hunt down Old Man Garrett after that, still feeling the sting of rejection. He was still on the property, and he still had a beautiful collection of immaculate cabinet-making tools in the garage. I rang his doorbell and, when he answered, I told him the whole story. He laughed.

"I knew it was you dumb shits from the beginning," he bragged. "Fucking Ted -"

"Fucking Ted," I echoed, unconsciously.

"Fucking Ted left his library book on building race cars behind on the workbench that first year. You didn't let him drive, did you?"

I shook my head. "We ran the car into him if the hockey-stick brakes ever failed."

We had a good laugh about the whole thing that evening, and I returned to work with my soul cleansed. It's just a pity Ted didn't know how bad he actually was at crime, before he tried to knock over that liquor store and all.

[theweirdoinurhouse]

I genuinely have a strong hatred for people who romance Shane then divorce him due to his room. Hi, welcome to my Ted Talk.

It's also not just his room, but also people who say "I thought he got help!" or "It's clashing with my style!" or "I thought I could fix him!" and what not. Like yes, I know this is a video game character, but honestly peoples' reactions to Shane speaks about them as a person.

We don't get him help, he gets it himself. Harvey suggests it, and Shane decides he is. We just help him along the way. We don't "fix him", he fixes himself and we are there to be by his side. And even though he does go see a counselor, that isn't going to fix everything. Honestly those type of people don't know how addictions work make mad. I can't say I know 100%, but I do understand you aren't going to get fixed right away.

I saw this tiktok of someone assuming they were being cheated on by Shane, without seeing the full cut scene. It just shows the absolute mistrust people have in him. And yes, I know he's fictional, but still it speaks about people's true colors.

Stepping away from the alcoholic part, let's talk about the depression part. IT. IS. NOT. EASY. TO. BECOME. UNDEPRESSED! Shane literally tried/wants to kill himself, he isn't going to get out of that mental state easily! I myself struggle with some mild depression. And it isn't easy to just "be happy." OF COURSE his room isn't going to be absolutely 100% perfect! Depression is a serious thing, especially for Shane.

Don't get me started on people with the "His room doesn't match my vibe" mentality. Everyone has an unique room that fits to them. Everyone is complicated (maybe, I don't know much about some of the candidates). Shane is a very complicated person, and his room speaks to that. Sorry that his depression and struggles don't match your cutesy cabin in the woods aesthetic. (That's somewhat sarcastic).

One of my biggest problems is this: You went through ALL his heart events. You know what he's struggled with, and still is struggling with. You stayed with him till marriage. And you divorce him for his ROOM?! I may be overreacting, but people with these mentalites make me mad. If this is how they react to a fictional character with alcoholism and depression,how are they gonna react to someone they might like irl that has these problems?

Anyways I'm a Shane defender for life, fight me.

[holdmytesseract]

moodboard by the wonderful @chennqingg <3

Wonders [EoH]

Daryl Dixon x fem!Reader feat. Teddy Dixon

Summary: Sometimes is all you need a wonder in a broken world...

Warnings: usual TWD stuff? lots of fluff, talks of pregnancy, slight angst, dad!Daryl

The Whisperer Era!

Word Count: 2,1k

a/n: I had to write this. 🥹 Hope y'all like this! 🤗

EoH Masterlist °☆• Daryl Masterlist °☆• Masterlist

"Ted?" You called out for your son; voice echoing through the little cottage. "Outside, momma!" Your son answered loud enough for you to hear; feet carrying you straight towards him.

The nine-year-old sat on a small log just outside the cottage. He was highly concentrated on making his first own arrow. His tongue poked out of his mouth and touching his upper lip; eyes fixated on the task ahead. Dog laid beside him on the grass. The faithful canine rarely left the boy's side. Not since Daryl told Dog to always protect Teddy. He understood the assignment. Smart animal, without a doubt...

Daryl was not far. Only a few yards away; chopping wood, so that he could always have an eye on his son.

It had gotten noticeably colder. That was the reason why your husband spent more time with hunting and especially chopping wood. Fall was making itself known and preparing you for the winter, which was probably already lurking just around the corner.

"Oh, you almost finished it?" You spoke in a bright voice; crouching down beside your kid to admire his good work. Teddy nodded proudly, "Mhm. Look!" and showed you the arrow. Of course, it was far from perfect and couldn't be used as a weapon. The tip was blunt - on purpose. Daryl didn't want Teddy to hurt himself. After all, Teddy was still young and his skills not entirely developed yet. But for that, the arrow was good. His father taught him well, you thought with a smile, like you did so often.

"Wow, that's amazing, baby. I'm proud of you," you smiled warmly at the boy and ruffled his long chestnut brown locks. Your son smiled up at you as well. "Thanks, momma."

You could feel Daryl's eyes on you; watching the scene in front of his eyes - which reminded you why you actually called your son...

"Teddy, could you go and check on the rabbit traps? I have to talk to daddy." He nodded, "Okay." and hopped from the log, before he carefully placed the arrow on it. "Take Dog with you and be careful, yes?" "Sure, momma. Dog, c'mon." Dog lifted his head and immediately jumped to his feet and fallowed his best friend.

You could still feel your husband's eyes on you, but this time you could tell that he was a bit confused.

Taking a deep breath, you straightened up again and made your way over to Daryl, who continued his work, now that you were on your way to him anyway. It had gotten colder, yes - even for Daryl, who had switched to wearing sweatshirts and long-sleeved shirts instead of t-shirts and shirts turned to tops with the sleeves ripped off. With a small grunt, he lunged out and precisely split the wood in two with his axe. You would've lied, if you said that this wasn't sexy in some kind of way. But now was not the time to ogle your man... You had something important to discuss...

"Daryl? Can we talk?"

Your husband looked at you with a mix of concern and confusion, but nodded. "Sure." He snuffled and placed the axe aside. "Do I have ta be worried?" You swallowed and looked down; fingers fumbling nervously with your shirt-sleeve. "Honestly? I-I don't know." A deep frown formed on the archer's forehead. Now he was really concerned - and you could see it clearly on his face. After over ten years being a couple, you could read this man like a book.

"Ya don know? Sunshine, wha's that s'pposed ta mean?"

Your eyes darted to Teddy for a short moment; watching him in distance check on the rabbit traps together with Dog. He had grown up so fast... Sure, in a world like this he had to, but you'd have loved to give him a better childhood and youth. Not cruel and full of death and blood. Was this truly something you wanted to bestow on another- "Hey, Y/N..."

Daryl's voice ripped you out of your thoughts; his hands on yours caused you to turn your head to face him again. "Wha's wrong? Talk ta me. Please." You swallowed once again; taking a deep breath. "Daryl, I... I missed two cycles. One happened before, but two..." You could see the gears turning in his head. He blinked; his palms twitching around your hands. "Darlin'... Are you... Are you tryin' to tell me wha' I think yer tryin' to tell me?" You nodded. "Uh.Huh..."

Daryl let go of your hands again and started to pace up and down; fingers scratching his goatee covered chin. You watched him for a few moments; giving him some time to process this - until you couldn't take the silence anymore. "D-Daryl? Say somethin', please..."

Your husband stopped dead in his movements for a moment, before he almost hastily started to search his things together. Crossbow, vest, map.

You frowned; now utterly confused. "Daryl?" He strapped on his crossbow, "'M goin' out; find a pharmacy and get a test." and smiled at you. Truly smiled. The first smile in months - hell, even years after Rick's disappearance, which reached his eyes.

You were slightly surprised and taken aback, but you certainly didn't complain. "A-Alright, sure, but now? Sweetie, it's gettin' dark soon..." Daryl was already making his way over to his bike. "Don care. I gotta know, sunshine. Hell, I wanna know." "Uh, okay," you were still rather flabbergasted, as you followed him. "But be careful, yeah? Be safe." The archer leaned slightly to the right, in order to press a quick, but loving kiss against your lips. "'Course, sunshine."

And off he went.

Your eyes fallowed him as long as you could; crossing your arms over your chest as the chilly breeze hit your body.

"Where's daddy goin'?" Teddy appeared beside you; Dog in tow and three rabbits in his hands. You looked down at your little boy; "Just on a small run. He'll be back soon." adjusting the red bandana around his neck. "Let's go inside, huh? It's getting cold."

Your son nodded and followed you inside the cottage.

It had gotten late. By now it was pitch black outside - and raining. Daryl wasn't back yet and so slowly started your worries to creep in. Therefore, you occupied yourself. Made sure everything was walker safe, took care of the rabbits, fed Dog, had dinner and spent some time with Teddy, before you wanted to send him off to bed. But, of course, like always, the nine-year-old refused to sleep. Not until his father was back. You had no other choice but to let him.

Another hour later, you finally heard the familiar sound of a motorcycle. A relieved sigh left your lips, while your son was already storming out of his tiny room and straight towards the door. He had heard it, too.

A few moments later, Daryl stepped inside; bringing a good portion rain, leaves and wind with him. He quickly shut the door, put down his crossbow and shed himself of his wet poncho.

"Daddy!" Teddy sprinted straight into his dad's arms, who lifted him up and hugged him tight. "Hey, bud. Yer not asleep yet?" Daryl looked at you and you silently told him why; Teddy still clinging to him. Daryl understood, of course and walked with his son without further ado to the boy's room, which was right behind your bedroom. For safety reasons, of course. "Good night, baby." Teddy turned to smile tiredly at you; hand tucked neatly into Daryl's. "Nighty night, momma."

While your husband tucked Teddy in, you hung up the wet poncho to dry. Now that Daryl was back from his little run and the worries about his well-being ceased, there was space again for the previous thoughts and fears to come back again. The missed cycles and the possibility of being pregnant. It wasn't like you didn't want to be, no. Actually, it would be a wonderful surprise, but... So much had changed around you since Teddy. The world had changed around you. Being pregnant wasn't that 'easy' anymore...

You didn't even notice that you were totally lost in thoughts, but when a strong arm wrapped itself around your waist, you snapped out of the bubble.

"Teddy asleep?" Daryl nodded. "Mhm." You felt the urge to be close to your husband; hoping that this would take your doubts and fears away. So, you leaned into his half embrace and slung your arms around his torso. Daryl immediately got the hint and wrapped you up in a big, protective bear hug.

"You okay?" You heard him ask then; concern swinging within his voice. "Yeah, 's just... You know..." You felt the archer nod against your head. "Let's find out?" "Let's find out."

Daryl handed you three different brands of pregnancy tests with a shrug. "Didn't know which one's good. Ain't ma specialty. Jus' thought 'm bringing them all." You took them. "It's okay, sweetie. Just gonna take all of 'em to be sure."

Said and done. With shaky hands you did what you had to do, before you returned to your husband, who was pacing again up and down the room like a wounded animal.

You placed all three tests upside-down on the little, wooden dining table; taking a deep breath. "How long do we have ta wait?" "Normally 'bout a few minutes," you answered and turned to face him. He nodded. Once more you stepped up close to your man; needing to ask the question which was occupying you since the first thought of pregnancy crossed your mind - even though he already gave you a nonverbal and kinda verbal answer. "Daryl..." You whispered his name; laying your palms on his chest. "Would you... Would you want this? A-Another baby? Would you be... happy 'bout it?"

You felt how one of his arms encircling your waist; the other hand cupping your cheek. "Darlin', I'd be the happiest man on earth. After all the things which happened..." He paused for a moment; swallowing hard - and you knew exactly what he meant. "Yeah. I'd be happy." You smiled softly; rubbing his pecks gently. "Truly?" Daryl nodded, but could definitely see in your eyes how troubled you were. "Yes. 'M not gonna... do the things I did ten years back. I promise." You shook your head. "'S not what I'm worried about, Daryl... I... The world has changed around us. Being pregnant is not that 'easy' anymore..."

The archer chew on his bottom lip; listening to your every word, before he nodded again. "I know whatcha mean, sunshine. 'S nothing easy in this world anymore, but we got each other. We'll make this work, 'cause we both want tis, right?"

A single tear rolled down your cheek as you smiled. "Yes."

Your husband reciprocated your smile and hugged you tightly; reassuring.

"Let's take a look, eh?" He whispered then; slowly letting go of you. You nodded, "Let's take a look." and took Daryl's hand in yours; gently pulling him over to the small dining table. You stared at the three plastic sticks; nervosity still coursing through your veins. "D-Daryl, can you...?" He squeezed your hand and stepped closer to the table. His eyes met yours as he nodded.

You swallowed hard and took a step back; watching how his calloused fingers danced over the tests. Daryl lifted all of them up and slowly turned them in his hands; eyes focused. "A-And?" He didn't answer you; just kept on staring. "Daryl!"

At the call of his name, he finally looked up; one of the biggest smiles you had ever seen him smile stretched over his whole face. "Well... Looks like we're gonna have 'nother baby, sunshine."

You blinked; needing a moment to process his words. "They... They're positive?" Your husband nodded; still smiling broadly. "All three of 'em?" Another nod. "Yeah," Daryl stated and turned them for you to see. And indeed... They were clearly positive.

"Oh my gosh..." You clapped your hand over your mouth; tears immediately blurring your vision. Yet you saw Daryl placing the tests aside again and stepping up to you; his hands finding their way around your waist. He pressed his forehead against yours. "'M happy about this, sunshine. I truly am. This is wonderful," he said in a low voice; holding on to you. "We got this, yeah?" You nodded; happy tears rolling down your cheeks as your hands clasped gently onto the lapels of Daryl's vest. "Yeah."

Both, you and Daryl enjoyed this little moment you had together; relishing in the joy of the news.

You started to giggle; taking Daryl a bit by surprise. "Teddy's gonna be over the moon 'bout this." Your husband agreed. "Hell yeah. He 'n Dog are gonna be the best big brothers." You giggled once again; the cutest scenarios already forming in your mind. "Oh, I'm convinced by that."

Tags: @celtic-crossbow @belitoxx @lou12346789 @fictive-sl0th @marvelcasey05 @loz-3 @mischief-dream @whore4romance @stitchintimefan @bigbaldheadname @making-the-most-0f-it @erebus-et-eigengrau @km-ffluv @0-aubrie0 @sweetz1919 @mikaela-granger @secretsicanthideanymore @dilfdixon @txtttttttttttttt @dixons-sunshine @wolfsmom1

[soracities]

what are your suggestions for starter poetry for people who dont have strong reading/analysis backgrounds

I've answered this a few times so I'm going to compile and expand them all into one post here.

I think if you haven't read much poetry before or aren't sure of your own tastes yet, then poetry anthologies are a great place to start: many of them will have a unifying theme so you can hone in based on a subject that interests you, or pick your way through something more general. I haven't read all of the ones below, but I have read most of them; the rest I came across in my own readings and added to my list either because I like the concept or am familiar with the editor(s) / their work:

Staying Alive: Real Poems for Unreal Times (ed. Nick Astley) & Being Alive: The Sequel to Staying Alive (there's two more books in this series, but I'm recommending these two just because it's where I started)

The Rattlebag (ed. Seamus Heaney and Ted Hughes)

The Ecco Anthology of International Poetry (ed. Ilya Kaminsky & Susan Harris)

The Essential Haiku, Versions of Basho, Buson and Issa (ed. Robert Hass)

A Book of Luminous Things (ed. Czesław Miłosz )

Now and Then: The Poet's Choice Columns by Robert Hass (this may be a good place to start if you're also looking for commentary on the poems themselves)

Poetry Unbound: 50 Poems to Open Your World(ed. Pádraig Ó'Tuama)

African American Poetry: 250 Years of Struggle and Song (ed. Kevin Young)

The Art of Losing: Poems of Grief and Healing (ed. Kevin Young)

Lifelines: Letters from Famous People about their Favourite Poems

The following lists are authors I love in one regard or another and is a small mix of different styles / time periods which I think are still fairly accessible regardless of what your reading background is! It's be no means exhaustice but hopefully it gives you even just a small glimpse of the range that's available so you can branch off and explore for yourself if any particular work speaks to you.

But in any case, for individual collections, I would try:

anything by Sara Teasdale

Devotions / Wild Geese / Felicity by Mary Oliver

Selected Poems and Prose by Christina Rossetti

Collected Poems by Langston Hughes

Where the Sidewalk Endsby Shel Silverstein

Morning Haiku by Sonia Sanchez

Revolutionary Letters, Diane di Prima

Concerning the Book That Is the Body of the Beloved by Gregory Orr

Rose: Poems by Li-Young Lee

A Red Cherry on a White-Tiled Floor / Barefoot Souls by Maram al-Masri

Deaf Republic by Ilya Kaminsky

Tell Me: Poems / What is This Thing Called Love? by Kim Addonizio

The Trouble with Poetry by Billy Collins (Billy Collins is THE go-to for accessible / beginner poetry in my view so I think any of his collections would probably do)

Crush by Richard Siken

Rapture / The World's Wife by Carol Ann Duffy

The War Works Hard by Dunya Mikhail

Selected Poems by Walt Whitman

View with a Grain of Sand by Wislawa Szymborska

Collected Poems by Vasko Popa

Under Milkwood by Dylan Thomas (this is a play, but Thomas is a poet and the language & structure is definitely poetic to me)

Bright Dead Things: Poems by Ada Limón

Teaching My Mother How to Give Birth by Warsan Shire,

Nostalgia, My Enemy: Selected Poems by Saadi Youssef

As for individual poems:

“Wild Geese” by Mary Oliver

[Dear The Vatican] erasure poem by Pádraig Ó'Tuama // "The Pedagogy of Conflict"

"Good Bones" by Maggie Smith

"The Author Writes the First Draft of His Weddings Vows (An erasure of Virginia Woolf's suicide letter to her husband, Leonard)" by Hanif Abdurraqib

"I Can Tell You a Story" by Chuck Carlise

"The Sciences Sing a Lullabye" by Albert Goldbarth

"One Last Poem for Richard" by Sandra Cisneros

"We Lived Happily During the War" by Ilya Kaminsky

“I’m Explaining a Few Things”by Pablo Neruda

"Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening" //"Nothing Gold Can Stay"//"Out, Out--" by Robert Frost

"Tablets: I // II // III"by Dunya Mikhail

"What Were They Like?" by Denise Levertov

"Those Winter Sundays" by Robert Hayden,

"The Patience of Ordinary Things" by Pat Schneider

“I, too” // "The Negro Speaks of Rivers” // "Harlem” // “Theme for English B” by Langston Hughes

“The Mower” // "The Trees" // "High Windows" by Philip Larkin

“The Leash” // “Love Poem with Apologies for My Appearance” // "Downhearted" by Ada Limón

“The Flea” by John Donne

"The Last Rose of Summer" by Thomas Moore

"Beauty" // "Please don't" // "How it Adds Up" by Tony Hoagland

“My Friend Yeshi” by Alice Walker

"De Humanis Corporis Fabrica"byJohn Burnside

“What Do Women Want?” // “For Desire” // "Stolen Moments" // "The Numbers" by Kim Addonizio

“Hummingbird” // "For Tess" by Raymond Carver

"The Two-Headed Calf" by Laura Gilpin

“Bleecker Street, Summer” by Derek Walcott

“Dirge Without Music” // "What Lips My Lips Have Kissed" by Edna St. Vincent Millay

“Digging” // “Mid-Term Break” // “The Rain Stick” // "Blackberry Picking" // "Twice Shy" by Seamus Heaney

“Dulce Et Decorum Est”by Wilfred Owen

“Notes from a Nonexistent Himalayan Expedition”by Wislawa Szymborska

"Hour" //"Medusa" byCarol Ann Duffy

“The More Loving One” // “Musée des Beaux Arts” by W.H. Auden

“Small Kindnesses” // "Feeding the Worms" by Danusha Laméris

"Down by the Salley Gardens” // “The Stolen Child” by W.B. Yeats

"The Thing Is" by Ellen Bass

"The Last Love Letter from an Entymologist" by Jared Singer

"[i like my body when it is with your]" by e.e. cummings

"Try to Praise the Mutilated World" by Adam Zagajewski

"The Cinnamon Peeler" by Michael Ondaatje

"Last Night I Dreamed I Made Myself" by Paige Lewis

"A Dream Within a Dream" // "The Raven" by Edgar Allan Poe (highly recommend reading the last one out loud or listening to it recited)

"Ars Poetica?" // "Encounter" // "A Song on the End of the World"by Czeslaw Milosz

"Wandering Around an Albequerque Airport Terminal” // "Two Countries” // "Kindness” by Naoimi Shihab Nye

"Slow Dance” by Matthew Dickman

"The Archipelago of Kisses" // "The Quiet World" by Jeffrey McDaniel

"Mimesis" by Fady Joudah

"The Great Fires" // "The Forgotten Dialect of the Heart" // "Failing and Flying" by Jack Gilbert

"The Mermaid" // "Virtuosi" by Lisel Mueller

"Macrophobia (Fear of Waiting)" by Jamaal May

"Someday I'll Love Ocean Vuong" by Ocean Vuong

"Still I Rise" by Maya Angelou

I would also recommend spending some times with essays, interviews, or other non-fiction, creative or otherwise (especially by other poets) if you want to broaden and improve how you read poetry; they can help give you a wider idea of the landscape behind and beyond the actual poems themselves, or even just let you acquaint yourself with how particular writers see and describe things in the world around them. The following are some of my favourites:

Upstream: Essays by Mary Oliver

"Theory and Play of the Duende" by Federico García Lorca

"The White Bird" and "Some Notes on Song" by John Berger

In That Great River: A Notebook by Anna Kamienska

A Little Devil in America: Notes in Praise of Black Performance by Hanif Abdurraqib

The Book of Delights by Ross Gay

"Of Strangeness That Wakes Us" and "Still Dancing: An Interview with Ilya Kaminsky" by Ilya Kaminsky

"The Sentence is a Lonely Place" by Garielle Lutz

Still Life with Oysters and Lemon by Mark Doty

Paris, When It's Naked by Etel Adnan

[teddynivvy]

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ starry eyes

pairing: neighbour!ted nivison x reader

warnings: mentions of alcohol consumption. she/her pronouns used, use of y/n. 2k words.

a/n: the neighbour!ted fic is here hehehe!! fully intend on doing a part 2 so don't be too mad at me for this one. this is angsty!!! very much mutual pining trope. thank u to the anon who sent me this idea. it means so much to me if you reblog/leave comments/interact if u enjoy <3

⟡⟡⟡

when i'm alone i hear and feel you wish that i could reach right out and touch you but knowing you're the one to greet me, and meet me two alone in the dark, may it be.

“Hey, I’m having a few people over later tonight. You should come by.”

It’s said with a bag of groceries in his hand, silver frames falling down the bridge of his nose. You can see the packaging of the drinks out of the top of the tote bag, against the blue of his jeans, as your eyes travel up to meet his. 

Your neighbour, Ted, inviting you over for a party. The neighbour you’ve been crushing on for the better part of the last few months - you’ve cooked dinner in his apartment, had more movie nights than you can count, and shared all of your best stories with each other. It didn’t help that you could hear him through the extremely thin walls, offering more material for you to imagine about him, your hands between your thighs and picturing how his would feel in their place.

It’s easy with him, comfortable conversations under amber lamps in your apartment, and it was easy to imagine him slotting into your life. But you knew it was stupid to mess with your living situation and pursue something - this was the best apartment you’ve lived in since you moved to LA, and the last thing you wanted to do was jeopardize it.

So when he invites you over to his place for a party, to meet his friends, to be inserted into his life in some small way - you don’t really know what to say. He can sense that something’s off, that maybe you have plans, so he detracts.

“No worries if not, it’ll just be a small thing.”

You pull the keys from your lock and relax, turning back to look at him. Soft eyes, again, which allows you to breathe.

“Yes, sorry. Yes. That sounds fun. I’ll be there.”

The smile that spreads across his features as he dips too quickly into his apartment makes you blush furiously, letting your back press up against the wood of your door. Your purse finds its way onto the counter as you look at the time on the stove - mid afternoon, more than enough time to get ready. Ready in the way you look effortless - “just came over like this” type, even though Ted’s seen you in every outfit at this point. Taking the garbage out in your robe and not much else, getting home from work in a tight pair of black slacks and a button up that stretches across your torso in a way that forces his eyes to your waist, or in your sweatpants and sweatshirt when you knock on his door with a bag of microwave popcorn and a bar of his favourite chocolate. 

He knows you, more deeply and intimately than you may want to admit.

⟡⟡⟡

When Ted knows you’re coming to his get-together, he goes into overdrive. His friends had been over many times - seen the worst of his apartment, clothes strewn across the floor and piles of dishes, and he knows they don’t care. But he’s trying to make a good impression, despite the fact he’d probably consider you one of his closest friends at this point.

Something about having you over like this is making his head spin. He’s meticulously picking out an outfit, taking what he’s heard you call an “everything shower”, making sure his hair looks fucking perfect. He wishes he wasn’t so hell-bent on impressing you, but he can’t help but feel this is a bit of a litmus test of your relationship. Assuming you show up, of course.

Little does Ted know, you’re across the hall thinking the same exact thing.

Putting on a dress - taking it off. A cardigan and jeans - taking it off. Should you just wear fucking pyjamas at this point?

By the time you had picked something out, it was almost time to go over. You could hear the people funnelling into his apartment from behind your closed door, soft chuckles and the slaps of hands in high fives and handshakes as he invites people in. You can pick his laughter out of the group, deep and throaty, which you know comes from the small buzz he already has going. You also know that after a couple beers he gets touchy - a hand on your leg or a head on your shoulder on more than one occasion, usually when he’s falling asleep during a movie night. You don’t say anything.

You grab the unopened bottle of wine from your counter and check your hair and outfit once more, forcing yourself to leave before you started to overthink it. It's just Ted.

⟡⟡⟡

When you push open the door to Ted’s apartment, there’s more people than you thought there would be. Friends fill his kitchen and living room, some out on his patio sipping from brightly coloured drinks or taking drags from cigarettes. You spot Ted immediately, t-shirt hanging off of his body in the perfect way. It clings to his chest and arms, a soft tuft of chest hair peeking out from the neckline under his chain. His usual silver rings adorn his fingers, a beer pressed up against his lips as he makes eye contact with you. He earns a soft smile, tipping the drink from his lips and waving you over to where he was standing with a small group.

You put the bottle of wine on his counter and walk through the swarms of bodies, making your way over to him. The setting sun is bleeding pink and orange light into his apartment, illuminating him from behind as he towers over you. Flushed cheeks from the alcohol and a soft hand on your shoulder as he bends down, lips against the shell of your ear as he tells you how happy he is you came. “You look good.”

It’s enough for your cheeks to warm, embarrassingly so.

There’s two men across from him - who introduce themselves quickly as Charlie and Schlatt, with a small wave. You make small talk with them - learning that Schlatt had travelled from Texas to visit, hence why Ted was hosting this party. You told them that you were Ted’s neighbour, which earned raised eyebrows from both of them, a knowing look being shot at Ted. When you looked over and up at him, he was blushing furiously, awkwardly pressing the bottle to his lips once more.

Ted’s friends were easy to talk to, most of them having appeared in some of his videos (which you would never admit, you did do a quick Google search to watch - for research purposes, obviously). They all seemed to work in the same Youtube niche as him, with nothing but great things to say. It was making you fall harder and harder.

By your second glass of wine and an enthralling conversation with another friend of Ted’s - Eddy, and his girlfriend Chrissy, you were starting to wonder why you hadn’t seen Ted in a while. The fairy lights had come on on the patio, and they were bright against the smoggy night sky of LA. Your vision was slightly blurred, soft on the edges and hazy, as the music playing over the speakers blended into the background against the conversations around you. You stood up and excused yourself to the bathroom, hoping you might run into Ted on the way there.

And you did. Well, kind of.

Sliding past a group on your way up the stairs, Ted stood at the end of the hallway. He was talking to someone near the door of his bedroom, his eyes pointed down at a petite girl, with long brown hair and her eyes looking up at him like he hung the moon. You couldn’t help but stare for a second at the scene before you, a familiar pang in your chest as your breath hitched. 

The sinking feeling - embarrassment, awkwardness, disappointment all rolled into one. A girlfriend, maybe? A hookup? Whatever it was, you weren’t super interested in hanging around to find out.

You dipped into the bathroom just as Ted’s head turned to look at you, his gaze falling to the door. He swore he could see the pant leg of your jeans and the slight swish of your hair as he heard the door click. 

The girl in front of him had her bottom lip pulled between her teeth, glazed-over eyes from the alcohol as Ted’s blood ran cold, imagining what it must’ve looked like from your perspective. 

She put a hand on his chest and he gently backed away, muttering an apology and bounding down the stairs away from the situation. He felt stupid - sobering up damn near immediately at the thought of what he just did.

Ted had basically told all of his closest friends about his cute neighbour. Schlatt and Charlie hadn’t heard the end of it - goading him to just make a fucking move already. Schlatt had threatened to out him on the podcast, affectionately telling him to “stop being a pussy or he’d tell you himself.” He had invited you with the intention of making a move.

When Schlatt sees the panicked look on his face, his face softens as well. He meets Ted in the kitchen, putting his glass of whiskey on the counter with a gentle clunk.

“What’s up with you? You look like you’re gonna throw up.”

“(Y/N).”

Schlatt cocks an eyebrow. “What about her?”

“She saw me and Shae upstairs.”

“Why is Shae here?”

Ted sighs, letting his fingers pinch the bridge of his nose. “I don’t even know. I didn’t invite her.”

“Tell her to get the fuck out then!”

As Schlatt says it, she comes down the stairs. The aforementioned petite girl, with a roll of her eyes, as she slides her glass across Ted’s countertop and dramatically slams the door behind her. It earns the attention from a few surrounding people, who quickly go back to their conversations.

“What happened?”

“She saw us.”

“Ted,” Schlatt grabs him by the shoulders. “Saw you do what?”

“Nothing happened. She cornered me upstairs and started touching my chest and fuckin’… telling me she missed me and shit. I don’t know.”

“Dude… you gotta go tell (Y/N). I thought you were finally gonna fuckin’ tell her how you felt, you idiot.”

Ted rolls his eyes. “What do I say? Hey, sorry, you saw me with my batshit crazy ex but it’s literally nothing, also I’m in love with you and have been for months?”

“Something like that, yeah.”

There’s a beat of silence before Schlatt shakes his head, backing away from Ted to rejoin the party. “Don’t be a fucking idiot bro. You’re gonna ruin this before it starts.”

He heard foot steps behind him and turned around, seeing you descend the stairs. A small sniffle from your nose that you try to hide, meeting his eyes with a watery smile.

“We didn’t get to talk much tonight,” is what Ted says, which doesn’t seem like the right thing to say, and he realizes it the moment it leaves his lips.

“I’m gonna get going,” you choke out, attempting to hide the fact you’d just been unsuccessfully holding back tears a few minutes ago. “Great party.”

He opens his mouth to explain, but he doesn’t know what to say. “That wasn’t…” he starts. “That wasn’t anything.”

It’s left unsaid, what that means. Your hurt gaze was enough for him to soften, watching you step away from him. He can tell you don’t believe him.

He feels like a stranger suddenly, as you pull the door open and feel the tears brim your eyes once again. “Thanks for inviting me.”

The soft click of the door is enough for him to finally let go of the breath he didn’t know he was holding. He wanted to punch a fucking wall, he felt sick.

The party thinned out quickly after that, people bidding Ted goodbye and thanking him for hosting. Schlatt was the last to leave - a somber smile and a clap on his shoulder. “Sorry it didn’t work out like you wanted.”

Understatement of the fucking century. 

⟡⟡⟡

[dduane]

From the Writing Advice dep't: A complicated ask, a serial answer (part 1)

Every now and then I get an ask in the box that's complex enough that it has to be taken apart and answered in pieces. Also, sometimes I get queries in that are painful enough (in varying ways) that I elect not to attribute them when answering. This one is both.

I read the ask (and reread it, and rereread it, four or five or six times after it came in, and a bunch more times while I was on my back this week being sick), and gradually came to realize that for it to be properly handled I had no choice but to break it into pieces for best management.

There are three main strands to the issues this ask brings up: motivation, growth as a writer, and coping with or succeeding despite the current state of the publishing industry.

So let's dig in. Here's the first part of the ask:

I know there's no One True Path, but I'm struggling with this, and I'm sure others are too, so I'll just ask it. I want to make a career out of writing, but with shrinking attention spans and so much content to mindlessly consume, how do you keep the motivation to write? My friends get mad at me for getting discouraged when not even they read my writing. They get mad and say, "write for yourself, not for the validation!"

Welp. (sigh)

First of all, I think your friends are absolutely right. But we'll come back to that.

You have to understand that as far as the Search for Motivation goes, I'm probably Spiders DD, the outlier who seriously should not have been counted. I have been motivated to write stuff pretty much nonstop since I was eight, and did my first novel in crayon in a school notebook. (It was one of the thick notebooks. The ones with the black and white marbled covers. Most of you who come of US schools know the kind.)

So I'm really the wrong person to be asking about this, especially since it's now nearly the Year of our (Wood!) Dragon 4722, which would make me nearly, uh, six Years of the Dragon old. And being of such age, and a career midlist genre writer, I have the same source of motivation as the vast majority of my similarly-aged colleagues: the need to write or starve. (There's an Irish saying perfectly descriptive of my situation: "Too old to dig ditches and too scared to rob banks." That's my situation exactly. There's nothing left for me to do but to write.) :)

...Anyway, it's kind of amazing how that kind of motivation'll focus your intention, and help you keep it in place, once you're been working with it for a while.

At the beginning of a career, though, things can look a lot different as you start getting a handle on exactly what it is you like to write and why you like writing it. And having another job to keep you afloat while you find your way is seriously a very good idea if you can manage it.

It sounds very much to me as if you're still in the early "finding your way" stages. This is a place that a lot of writers pass through, so don't be concerned. It's rare for sudden perfect motivation-to-write to crystallize out of nothing. And never forget, the word itself is based on old Latin roots for movement, and provokes the question, "Yeah, okay, but which way?" Movement without intended direction tends to turn into a lot of unfocused flailing, which looks good on Kermit, but not so much on the rest of us.

(inserting a cut here, because honestly, this is gonna go on a bit)

So you need to sit down and start asking questions—and answering them—so you can draw some kind of map. "I want to make a career out of writing"? Fine. What kind of writing? Fiction? Nonfiction? If fiction, what kind? What do you like to read? Why? Is that something you'd like to write? Why? Why not? If there's something else you'd rather be writing—what else? And why?

The more you ask the questions and answer them—"Keep asking the next question," Ted Sturgeon never used to stop saying—and the further along your investigations get, the more likely you are (as you get close to the answers that matter) to start getting the itch to write something, something in particular. This process may take a while, and the itch may take a good while to manifest. Don't be alarmed by that. The old saying is that the fire from Heaven won't descend until you've built the altar for it. And it may take a while piling the rocks up into the right shape. Don't hurry. If this is something you intend to spend a lifetime on, make sure the foundations are sound. The time taken will be worth it.

And BTW, do you intend that kind of length of commitment? If you're not sure, that's fine. But there's no one else to ask at this point who can give you meaningful answers. This is the time to get into it. Work out what "having a career in writing" looks like for you. Then start investigating to see whether your conception has any foundation in reality as a kind of lifestyle you actually have decent odds on achieving. (Again, I'm an outlier here. I'd been writing for pleasure for a long time before I had the good fortune to befriend an actual career writer, examine his habits [and those of other writers in the LA area] at close range, and realize that this line-of-work choice was actually something that could be successfully pulled off by mere mortals.) After investigation, this is a call that only you can make.

But anyway. Once you've started experiencing the kind of motivation that comes of increased certainty about what you want to do and why, you'll find you're way less concerned about sourcing or supporting it externally. It tends to fuel itself. (As once it does descend, the fire from Heaven is tenacious stuff: more Greek than otherwise.)

But also: trying to designate outsourced exterior stimulants for motivation is a bad idea. The reason's simple: one day you'll need them and they won't be there. Conditions will have changed, or the outside-of-you sources into the hands of which you've resigned your motivational agency may not be available for one reason or another, temporarily or permanently... and then where are you? The concept's a nonstarter. If your motivation's acting up, you need to be looking inward, not outward, for ways to kickstart it. This is one of the most personal parts of the writing process. You need to own it.

(And yeah, even career writers' motivation slips sometimes: annoying career things happen, cyclic lows cut in at a bad time, you name it. Most of us work out ways to jar the motivation back into correct operation when it acts up. But for such corrections to work you must first know what it's like to generate or mine yours yourself... and you're still working on that. The methods you find to generate motivation toward doing the Work will also assist you in diagnosing it when it goes south, and putting it right again.)

Also: (sighing) Please let your friends off the hook as regards reading your material, and feedback. Your motivation to write should not be dependent on their feedback, and it's not a good idea to try to make friends feel responsible for keeping you on the creative track. Chief among reasons for this: they may not feel themselves up to the task of giving you the writing support you're apparently asking them for—possibly because they simply don't feel competent to. (This is where we could get into how I had to stop @petermorwood from rewriting his third novel for the third time due to conflicting notes from friends... but let's leave that for later.) At best you're possibly making your friends deeply uncomfortable. At worst, the pressure may damage the friendships.

Tl:dr; our friends may love us dearly, but that doesn't make them competent editors. If you're online, so are many writers' groups who'll welcome a new member who needs advice. Wait till you've got more data and clarity on your motivational issues, and then start shopping around for assistance that seems friendly and trustworthy.

And finally (for the moment), about other people's attention spans:

It'd be good if you can start training yourself away from the habit of worrying about those. For one thing, there's absolutely nothing you can do about them. You might as well worry about the 11-year sunspot cycle. The attention-span issue is just one more distraction from things you should usefully be thinking about. But also: A lot of what we hear about that situation strikes me as fearmongering (as, IIRC, it was supposed to cause the downfall of western civilization around the time I started writing for Scooby-Doo).

If you look around, you'll see that loads of people are willing to spend HUGE amounts of their attention on stuff they love. (I mean, have you been on AO3 lately? And we're just talking about free stuff, there. Lots of other people will do the same for traditionally published work, given the chance and the money.) Your job is to get on with writing, start putting what you're doing out there where people will have a chance to fall in love with it, and then deal with the consequences.

More of this next time. (And please bear with me, as I'm still not up to best operating speed after the last week's illness. I'll get to everything else you sent me, I promise.)

HTH!

[bangtanthoughts]

"but they've been building up mileven for 4 seasons!" my brother in christ. el got attached to mike cause he was the first guy her age that she met after she ran away and el was the first girl who showed any signs of any kind of interest in mike and mike felt like he had to have a girlfriend or he wouldn't be "normal". hell, even ted knows mike has zero interest in girls (”our son with a girl?” ), mileven was so forced it's crazy. they were kids who kissed a WEEK after they met because they felt like they had to, at least mike did cause el didn't even understand what the fuck love is. she didn't even have time to understand herself before understanding relationships with mileven being so rushed. it was not love at first sight, mike was ready to send her back where she came from right after she took them to will. mike's life DID NOT start the day he met her in the woods, he was there to find will in the first place. and when they found "will's" body? he literally almost spat in her face screaming ”what is wrong with you?”. and now when they're older, they still don't work. they don't understand each other, they're not giving each other what they deserve, they're making each other feel like they're in a room with no exit. mileven is toxic as a couple and they're SO much better as friends. i rest my case

[nopecho]

LI Book Headcanons

I've had this thought in my mind all day and NEED to get it out there.

(content warning: mentions of JK Rowling. Not to worry, it's bad mouthing her.)

Eden: his favourite damn series is Lord of the Rings. My man started with The Hobbit, then dived into Lotr. He's read EVERY. SINGLE. Elf song that the book has to offer. He's a fantasy nerd. However I would also see him read Pride and Prejudice. Perhaps some Terry Pratchett, too.

Avery: she grew up reading her parent's notes and bank account details. HOWEVER she's also read 50 Shades of Gray, and gave her the idea in mind that if she has enough money, she can acquire any lover she wants. REFUSES to acknowledge that it's Twilight fanfiction.

Kylar: speaking of Twilight, he is a FANATIC. adores the idea of being the misterious vampire, that attracts Bella in his unusual charm. He's read every book. And I mean every book, he's read the genderbent version, the Edward POV, anything written by Meyer he's read. He was neither team Jacob or Edward, he was team Kylar. Drew his self insert vampire oc with Bella NUMEROUS times.

Robin: he used to be a Potterhead. He was SO into it. Identified as a Hufflepuff, did the patronus and wand quizzes, his favourite book is the first one. He was in SHACKLES when JK Rowling came out as a gross terf. The level of betrayal he felt is indescribable. He woved to never touch the books again.

Sydney: do you know those books Christian oarents give to kids to let them know about Jesus early? Yeah, Sidney's read them. However, when she got freedom to grab her own books, she discovered that she DIGS Greek Mythology. She has a whole collection of Rick Riordan's books on the shelf, has attempted to draw her favourite characters. The movies don't exist to her and whenever anyone brings them up, she death stares them.

Alex: you know the Grimm fairy tales? Those are his favourites. Just the dark forest themes, the magic, the horror aspect of it... It just works for him. He's lived his whole life in the countryside, so he can fantasize about getting lost in the woods and finding a gingerbread house.

Whitney. I saved the best for last. So in hus childhood, in my headcanon he could never really afford to buy books, let alone his parents giving them to him. He read a bit of Dr Seuss but that was it. NOW that he can actually afford some stuff, he discovered the duality of man. Comics.

On one hand, he absolutely LOVES thise cute, kid friendly comics. Peanuts, Garfield, the Disney Mickey Mouse comics. On the other, he absolutely digs the over-the-top action manga shit. I'm talking Chainsaw Man, DevilMan by Go Nagai, Hells Angels by Shinichi Hiromoto. He doesn't have enough attention span to read a whole book, but he absolutely LOVES comics.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk!

[promise-you-doie]

Get a Guitar | S. Eunseok

Summary: If you want something to play with... Pairing: Eunseok x Reader Sungchan x Reader words: 15k Genre: kind of a love triangle, fluff, angst. warnings: mild cursing, mentions of sex, mentions of death and Ted Bundy (Not proofread.) and thank you to @ningngyu for helping me write this

Saturdays were the one day of the week where you were guaranteed to be doing absolutely nothing.  

You’d usually spend your weekend sleeping or binging all of your favorite shows and locking your bedroom door to stop your best friend from attempting to drag you out to one of those really weird underground events that she liked.

Today was the same, without fail she’s pounding at your door, so much so that you can hear the aggressive knocking on the door even over your headphones that were turned up all the way. 

“Come on, just this one time please.” she begs through the door but you can’t hear anything she’s saying over the thumping of wood and the Beyoncé song you have playing in an attempt to blare her out. 

“Y/N i know you hear me.” 

Annoyed and frustrated you throw your legs across the bed and stomp to open the door, revealing your smiley bestfriend. whom you absolutely adored, but you’d be lying if you said there weren’t times when you wanted to sell her.

She was amazing but it was kinda like having a younger sister. No, it was exactly like having a younger sister. because although you guys are the same age, she didn’t have a license so she needed you to drive her everywhere and she stole your clothes.

“I'm not going out tonight.” you say before she could even speak. 

“oh please please please. there will be cute guys there.” Her bottom lip is poked out and her hands are held put in prayer form when she looks at you with puppy dog eyes. 

none of it phases you though, holding your ground which makes her plead more. 

“I'll buy you food and I'll even clean your car.” 

when she sees that you’re still not convinced she continues. “We can even leave whenever you want.” 

That's when you roll your eyes and sigh. “Fine, but my car better look brand new when you’re done.” you say and she begins jumping and gleaming. 

“thank you thank you thank you.”

your best friend was a liar, First she was broke so there was no way she could buy you food. Second, there was absolutely no one here that caught your eye. 

The unruly music blaring through the small crowded building made your ears feel like they were bleeding, and of course your best friend was nowhere to be found. As she left you the second the both of you entered the facility. 

you wanted to go home and lay in the comfort of your own bed, but you couldn’t leave her here with no way to get home. So there you stood, all alone arms crossed over your chest and a frown resting flat on your face. with your eyebrows unintentionally furrowed.

“Can’t be that bad.” a completely unfamiliar voice came from beside you, and it takes a lot of strength for you not to yell at them to go away. 

“This just isn’t my kind of scene.” you say not bothering to look at the stranger. hoping that if you show that you’re completely uninterested he’ll go away.

“I’m guessing this is your first time.” he asks

That's when you finally look at him, intending to give him a piece of your mind but taken back when your eyes find him. Maybe your friend wasn’t a complete liar, you think. because this man is so fine you catch yourself at a loss for words and thoughts. 

having to shake your head slightly before you find something to say. “Uh.. yeah. This is my first time?” 

“It gets better.” he reassures, breaking eye contact and looking at the band in front of you. which for some reason makes you a little sad. you enjoy having all of his attention on you. 

“Thanks.” you say, still looking up at him.

“yeah.”

“What’s your name by the way?” You ask, hoping that he’d turn his gaze back to you, and it works. He looks back down at you and answers your question. “Silver stone.” 

“huh?” your mouth is agape when you look at him, confused by his answer. 

“That’s just my stage name. You can call me Eunseok.” he smiles as he holds his hand out for you to shake, his smile was the perfect asset to his already perfectly sculpted face. His hands are soft and strong at the same time, while his voice is deep and gentle, playing like a beautiful melody to your ears. 

“I’m Y/n.” You answer, still looking at him in awe, loving the way his eyes watch you. You can feel the heat arise from your cheeks. 

“So your stage name is Silver stone?” You ask, still dragging on the conversation. Just so his eyes wouldn’t leave your figure. 

“Yeah it’s a long story.” He releases a small deep laugh that causes you to suck your bottom lip in between your teeth. Eyes trained to his small movements, him dragging his hand through his “hair to pull it out of his face and rolling up the sleeves of his long sleeve sweater to reveal his forearms. 

The way he looks down at you with hooded eyelids makes the overly crowded building feel like it’s just you and him. 

“I’m guessing you’re in a band? If you have a stage name I mean.” you state, while tilting your head slightly to the side and looking up at him. 

“I’m the lead guitar player.” He says casually, which causes your brain to turn to mush and you to take notice of his long slim fingers. “Oh he has to be a player.” you think to yourself, but If it was possible you were now even more attracted to him, wanting to know more. 

“Hey, we've got 5 minutes.” You can hear and feel the bubble around you and Eunseok pop when two strangers come over and disturb your conversation. His eyes shift from you to the two boys beside you. 

“Oh?… I meant take your time. We can be a few minutes late.” One of them says while looking at you. 

“Sorry I don't mean to hold you up.” you trail off when he looks back down at you. 

“Sorry I gotta go perform really fast. But stay here I’ll be right back. Okay?” 

You move your lips to say “alright.” But he doesn’t notice as disappears into the crowd. Leaving you feeling alone again. 

“Oh my god Y/N. Do you know who that was?” someone says as they tap your shoulder. you turn to see your best friend pointing out the man you were just having a conversation with while slapping at your arm aggressively. 

“Eunseok?” you question, shifting away from her so she couldn’t hit you anymore.

“Silver stone!” she corrects, and continues “Oh my goodness, girl he was totally flirting with you.” she squeals. 

“I don’t think he was.”

“If you guys start dating just make sure that you set me up on a date Sohee, the drummer. my god he’s so cute.” 

“Sohee?”

Your question goes unanswered when the lights fade. Worrying you for just a few seconds before you hear a guitar riff that makes you turn towards the stage. Just in time for a bright spot light to hit the tall boy who was just standing in front of you a small moment ago.  

Hearing the music he’s playing has you gravitating closer towards the stage leaving your best friend behind as you do. Your eyes trained to the handsome guitar player. You think he looks like a star, shining perfectly with his fingers strategically working the strings of the red electric guitar. 

The music he’s playing is like a magic spell straight to your heart, feeling your body react to him in a way you’ve never felt with anyone else. Watching him so intently that you forget to blink. 

You suck in a sharp gasp when he looks up, and easily locks eyes with you. Never missing a note as he bites on his bottom lip and the rest of the band come in. Once again making it feel like it was just you, him and his guitar. 

You break eye contact first out of embarrassment, your whole body heating up just from the intensity of the eye contact. You’ve met attractive guys before, but this was different. This was completely different. It was something about him that was just captivating. 

“Give it up for R&R everyone.” The host announces and everyone begins to clap. 

You see Eunseok run off stage and make his way back to you. At the same time your best friend walks up beside you. 

“How were we?” he asks, partly out of breath.

“You were… amazing. Wow, that was really amazing.” you praise. 

“Really?” 

“Don’t you think it was good?” you turn the question back around to him. 

“I do, I just wanted to know if you liked it?” he says. 

The members that you just saw on stage performing with him not too long ago are now standing beside him. Each holding a hand on one of his shoulders while he talks to you. 

“These are my bandmates. Sohee our drummer.” He introduces. 

The man whose name you’ve just learned sticks his hand out to meet yours, and you notice his bright smile and glistening eyes. You easily recognize his name, you just couldn’t remember where you heard it. But before you could even grasp his hand, your best friend slaps it out of the way to shake his hand instead. Batting her eyelashes and muttering her name and a small “Nice to meet you.” Sohee returns her smile as he turns to look at you and Eunseok all while keeping his hold on your best friends hand. 

He’s not as tall as Eunseok, but he’s just as pretty. He has thick dark brown hair that looks extremely soft and you can tell he’s a little younger than the rest of them. 

“And this is Seunghan, our lead singer.” Seunghan is taller than Sohee but not as tall as eunseok. He has a small sarcastic smirk that makes you feel like he knows something that you don’t. But you don’t question it aloud. 

“Nice to meet you.” You smile at him. 

“And lastly, this is Wonbin, our bassist.” Wonbin’s pretty, he looks like someone you’d find as a model for a luxury brand, his long hair just barely covering his face and his smirk towards eunseok makes you feel like you're missing something. 

“Wow you all were so good.” You boast at the four boys. 

“Thanks.” Seunghan smiles 

“But how good is our guitar player, I mean he’s so talented. And look how tall he is.” Wonbin begins to compliment him. 

“And he's a true gentleman. He knows how to treat a lady. He’d make a great boyfriend, I must say.” Sohee adds.

“That’s great because Y/n needs a boyfriend.” Your best friend holds your shoulder to show you off. You give her a side glare as Eunseoks friends continue to tease him.

“Okay guys that's enough.” Eunseok attempts to stop them but fails. 

“He’s free tomorrow by the way. Well only In the afternoons. He spends his Sunday mornings tending to children in need. Like a good humanitarian.”

“Alright, good night.” Eunseok begins to push his members away.

“I’m also free tomorrow.” You say urgently before he could walk away. you don’t know what possessed you, but you really didn’t wanna let the opportunity pass you by. When he turns back around to face you, you can't hide your smile. 

“Great, just uh give him your number and he’ll contact you about a time.” Sohee smiles at you and Eunseok. 

“He’s a true romantic, you won’t be disappointed.” Wonbin continues while Eunseok pulls out his phone for you to put your number in. His eyes trained on you as you do.

“Okay you two, enough of your shenanigans.” Seunghan drags the two boys away leaving you alone with Eunseok again.

“I’m sorry about them.” You pass him his phone back with your number now saved

“Don’t be. They seem fun.” You laugh softly. 

“They are, but it’s like having a bunch of annoying little brothers.”

You roll your eyes “Tell me about it.” As you say that, you feel your best friend's hard glare burning into the side of your face.

“So I’ll see you tomorrow then.” He questions after a small moment of silence between the two of you. 

“Yeah, you will.” You confirm.

“Perfect, see you then.”

“See you.” Just as he walks away to catch up with his members your best friend begins smacking your arm and squealing again. 

“Did you see him, isn't he cute?” she doesn’t fail to slap your arm until you’re holding her hands down. 

“Who? eunseok?”

“Girl no. Sohee. He’s so fine, god damn.” says your best friend.

“Oh yeah he’s cute, I guess."

“Stay away from my man.” Her smile drops and she’s glaring at you as if you really had intentions of taking (not) her man. 

“Huh?” you ask, genuinely confused.

“Okay let’s go home now. They’re all we came for.”

That night you had stayed up thinking about the guitar player you met earlier in the night, remnants of his smile lingered on your mind. Leaving you giggling into the palms of your hands to stop from screaming, squealing and waking your roommate up from her very deep sleep.

You had a date with a band member. It felt even better to say aloud. Especially because it’s been so long since you’ve allowed yourself to like someone other than that basketball player you've had a crush on for over three months. 

“Okay which outfit?”

“One” you held the mini skirt to you waist with a top that you felt matched perfectly 

“Or two” you rotated and held up a cute baby blue dress that you thought would be great for a picnic.

“Mm def number one. I love the way that skirt fits your ass. I'm feeling like he’s definitely an ass guy.” Your best friend speaks unsolicited which warrants you to smile and roll your eyes. 

“Great, I’ll go with the dress.”

“Ugh, what’s the point of asking.”

“So I know which one not to choose.” Slipping the dress on easily and looking at yourself in the mirror, before you turn back to your friend. 

“How do I look?” You ask, turning to her, hoping for her approval. 

She doesn’t answer at first. Only walking around to you and fixing parts of the dress that you couldn’t see and moving some strands of hair into position. Once she’s satisfied she finally gives the answer you’ve been waiting for.

“You look great Y/N.” she says softly while looking at you through the mirror. Moments like this are what reminds you of why she was your best friend in the first place. But these moments don’t last long because she always says something right after to make you question your life's decisions.

“Your ass looks really good in this dress too.” She says looking down. 

“Thanks...” you say sarcastically.

“See aren’t you glad I dragged you out last night.” she's smiling at you although she already knows what you're going to say.

“No, not really.” 

“Look at my baby, she’s growing up and going on dates.” She coos ignoring your answer 

“Okay~ I think it’s time for me to go.” You say walking away from her.

“Yes, it is, he’s outside.” She checks your phone looks up at you.

“Outside? Like outside.” You ask to clarify.

“That’s what he just texted you.”

“Oh my god.” You yell.

“Girl go!”

“I'm leaving, I'm leaving.” You yell while you struggle with your shoes, and your best friend runs for your bag, phone, perfume and lip gloss. After you feel you’ve got everything you run towards the door with your best friend behind you. 

“Bye, have a good time and remember the rules.” She waves to you as you leave the apartment.

“Of Course bye love you.”

“The Rules.” We’re just a list of commandments the two of you made up on some random night but with good reason of course. 

Rule number 1: don’t have sex on the first date 

Everyone knows this one. It’s like a rule of thumb, but of course your best friend didn’t know this and she slept with some chlamydia infected rando. She spent the entire night crying which led to this being rule number 1

Rule number 2: when going on a date always keep your location on. Men are weird and the last thing you need is to find your girlfriend's body being discovered on the shore of a lake on national news.

Rule number 3: keep your phone charged, this goes with rule number 2. Safety first babe

Rule number 4: don’t go to a man’s place on the first date. The two of you spend too much time watching crime documentaries 

Rule number 5: make sure to get Sohee's number.

She just added this one after setting up your date with “silver stone.”

“There you are.” You immediately recognize the voice calling for you. Turning to find the very man you met yesterday. He’s just as handsome as you remember the night prior, but seeing him in the sunlight accentuates his features such as the curves of his cheek bones. 

“Sorry I’m late.” You apologize while walking towards him and his jet black suzuki bike. 

“I didn’t mind waiting.” He says standing up from leaning on the bike, with the smile you were quickly learning to love.

“Have you ever ridden on a bike before?” he asks, watching you examine the motorcycle behind him. “No, I’ve always wanted to but I'm so scared.” you admit shyly while shifting your focus back up to him. 

“It’s not as scary as you think, don’t worry” You stand in place when he slips his jacket off and walks closer to you. He leans forward and wraps it around your waist to prevent you mooning any drivers behind you if your dress rises up. “There you go”

Eunseok was also a liar. It wasn’t too scary at first but the second he hit the highway you felt your heart drop to your stomach. You had to close your eyes and tighten your hold around his waist. Even though you knew that if an incident were to happen this wouldn’t save anything. You still just needed something to hold on to. 

The ride was only 15 minutes but you could’ve sworn it was longer, by the time he parked you felt nauseous and kinda light headed. 

Immediately you throw your helmet off to get some fresh air and calm your racing heart. Your back is turned to him, but you can feel that he’s watching you. 

“See that wasn’t too bad.” He smirks at you, while you're still trying catch your breath.

You just hold your index finger up to him because you're too afraid that if you speak, you’re going to throw up. 

“You- mm” you stop to take a breath. 

“I’m never trusting you again.” you add.

“You’ll get used to it.” he laughs and takes the helmet out of your hand. “Once we head back it’ll be better.” 

“Head back?” you hadn’t even thought about the fact that you were gonna have to do it again. “I’ll just take an uber back.” 

“Now why would I let you do that?” 

“You don’t have a choice.” Once your heart is calmed and you no longer feel the need to puke, you take notice of your surroundings. Quickly noticing that this isn’t the place that people usually host picnics.

“Where are we?” 

“My apartment.’ He says casually. 

“I thought we were going on a picnic.” You ask, now slightly scared. He didn’t seem too threatening, but neither did Ted Bundy when he picked up his victims. 

“We're getting there.” He begins walking and you follow after him, still a little nervous but justifying with the fact that he was tall and attractive. Trying to push back the idea of having to confront your best friend after she finds out you broke the second rule. 

You think to help yourself you’ll just turn your location off that way you could at least just lie and pretend that your phone died. Fortunately and unfortunately you didn’t have to lie because as soon as you turned your location off it actually died. 

So if he actually was a psychopath you were fucked. 

You allow him to guide you to his apartment unit, trying to shush any thoughts of the many torture methods he probally has planned behind his apartment door. Hoping that if you just comply he’d go easy on you. 

Once the both of you reach the door you mentally brace yourself for what’s next to come. Looking around and making sure to identify all of the exits in case it is needed. But to your surprise there's just a blanket layed out with snacks, drinks and a pretty decorated cake. 

“You put all this together?” you turn and look up at him. Being able to breathe easier, since you walked into his apartment. 

“It was kinda last minute, I’ll plan something better next time.” he admits.

If this is last minute you were definitely looking forward to what he’d do when he had the time. You sit down on the pillow seats that he laid out and he takes a seat right beside you, not too close but close enough for you to be able to smell the cologne that he was wearing.

 And he keeps that same distance throughout the entire evening. Never once laying a finger on you, even though you really wanted him to. Hoping that maybe he’d at least slide his hand over yours or something but he doesn’t, not even accidentally.

“So how long have you been in your band?” you ask leaning back on your palms to get more comfortable.

“Only a year.” He responds.

“a year? You guys are so good.” 

“You think so?”

“I do.” you tilt your head to rest just barely on your shoulder. Watching how his smile grows towards you. 

There's a silence between the both of you for just a second, but it isn’t awkward at all. You’re just admiring him and all of his beauty. Finding that he’s extremely easy to be around. His presence is comforting and not at all hostile, like the other guys you’ve talked to. 

You’d lost track of time just talking to him, getting to know more about him, just as you wanted. Being alone in his apartment ensured that you had his undivided attention and he had yours. He had nowhere else to look but you. And you loved the way he looked at you, with soft warm and inviting eyes. 

“Where’d you learn to play?” You ask when he sits back down with the guitar.

“My dad. He used to play all the time, I guess I just kinda picked it up.” He began to pluck the strings of the instrument.

“This was his favorite song,” he continues. 

His fingers dance elegantly along the strings of the guitar. Creating a nice sound to match for when he begins to hum along. “I can’t remember the words, but it went something like-” 

He continues to sing how he thinks he remembers the song going, playing along as he does. Naturally you close your eyes to just listen to him. Listening to how clear and deep his voice is, how it causes you to melt away. 

“Do you know any other songs?” you say when he finishes. 

He looks up at you, and pauses before he speaks. Taking a quick glance of your lips, he looks away faster than you can blink, but you still catch it. 

“Uh- yeah. Yeah I know a few.” he stutters a little trying to avoid making eye contact with you. 

“I’ll play another one.” He finally looks at you one last time, but you’re still giving him the lustful gaze you gave him a few moments ago when he looked at you the first time. He tries to look away but he likes the eye contact you guys are keeping. He likes it so much that he slightly throws his guitar from over his lap and reaches over to place both hands on each side of your face. Pulling you in for an intense and heated kiss. 

One hand still rested on your cheek and the other hand sliding behind your head right above your neck. He can feel you smiling into the kiss, happy for him to finally be touching you the way you wanted. 

You pull away first, lips swollen and heavy breathing but there's still little to no distance between the both of you. His eyes never leave yours when he’s still trying to catch his breath. You find that he looks even more attractive this way, he was charming before but he just looks so enchanting right now. 

He’s looking at you like he needs more and you’re more than happy to give it to him because you feel the exact same way. Now it’s your turn to grab his face and pull him into another eager kiss until he gently lays you on the floor and you wrap your arms around his neck to get him as close to you as possible. 

You’d say the date went well, you got a chance to know more about him just as you wanted to. Just not in the way you thought you would. 

“Do you need me to walk you up?” He asks when you hand him back his extra helmet. “Um no, I think I’ll be fine.” You say although you’re really just scared of how your friend will react when she sees him bringing you back so late. 

“Oh…” He says rubbing his hand across the back of his neck. 

“But I did have a lot of fun tonight.” you hurry and say to stop him from getting the wrong idea. “Good, I enjoyed myself too.” he smiles when you do. “I think it’s time for me to go in.” You say although, you stand there for a while longer. Just looking at him. “Goodnight.” He replies to you. 

“Goodnight.” you linger for just a few seconds longer. “I’ll text you later.” you say lastly before finally getting ready to walk away. “Oh by the way…” He says before you could go anywhere. 

“Is your friend single?” he finishes. 

“Huh?” you’re at a loss for words. You don’t even know how to react to that question after the both of you just spent hours talking and making out on his apartment floor.

 He sees the way your jaw goes slack and he rushes to defend himself, waving his palm in the air. 

“No no no, It’s not what you’re thinking. Sohee was just interested, and very adamant about making sure that I got her information.” 

“Oh?” you laugh feeling relieved. “Oh, yeah that makes sense. I knew that.” you lie. 

And he lets out a sigh of relief

“Here,” He says as he pulls up Sohee’s contact on his phone. “You can just send him her number.” He continues as he passes his phone to you.

“Okay,” You say when you pass the phone back to him, having sent your bestfriends number to Sohee. “Great, I’ll text you tomorrow then.” He says. 

“And I’ll answer.” 

The conversation lingers for just a while longer before you watch him ride off on his bike and you make your way up to your apartment unit. Giggly about your date with Eunseok. You expect your best friend to be asleep at this time of night, so you try your best to be quiet when you sneak in. Carefully turning the doorknob and opening the door to your dark apartment. 

However you couldn’t be anymore wrong as your face is nearly met with a shoe the second you open the door. You don’t even get a chance to say anything before another one comes flying at you. “What the hell are you doing?” You finally get a chance to yell in between her throwing yet another shoe. 

“Do you know what time it is?” She yells at you. “It’s one in the morning. Where the hell were you?” She continues. “Why is your location off?” “Why haven’t you been answering my calls?”

She asks a million questions without giving you time to answer any of them. “Do you know how worried I was?”

 “Aww you care about me?” You clench your heart. 

“No! Who’s gonna pay your half of the rent if you’re dead??” 

“Oh?” you throw your hands back down to your side. 

“Well, now that I know you’re alive. Tell me everything.” She squeals and plops down on the couch. FInally calming down so you could sit down besides her. 

“Okay~ so we went back to his apartment-” “You went to his apartment?” She raises her voice to you once again. 

“Yeah, but look I’m alive.” You stand and hold your hands up in defense before she could hit you again. 

“...Fine.” She rolls her eyes and puts her arms back down from getting ready to hit you. “But why was your location off, and why didn’t you answer any of my calls?” 

“My phone died.” you try to plead your case. 

“So did you follow any of the rules?” She throws her hands down.

“Well-” You begin to say but get cut off when her phone rings and she shifts her attention from you to her phone. “Oh it’s sohee… continue.” she begins nonchalantly. 

“Okay so we-” You get cut off again when she begins screaming, “Sohee texted me, oh my god my man texted me” she starts jumping all over you when she comes to reality. 

“wait… you had sex?” she stops thinking about sohee to continue 

“uh.. look sohee texted you!” you try to distract her 

“Y/n don’t play with me.”

“We only kissed.” 

“with tongue?” she asks 

“maybe…” you say looking off to the side.

“Oh my god, I knew I should've given you those condoms.”

“We didn't need the condoms.”

“you’re right, I'm definitely ready to be a godmother.” She shakes her head. “Godmother?” you question.

“So does this mean Sungchan is out of the picture?”

“No, me and eunseok were just a one time thing. That’s what he does with girls anyways, Right?” 

Sungchan, Jung Sungchan?  Tall and attractive basketball player you’ve been tutoring for three months and crushing on since forever? No. He’s never gonna be out of the picture. 

Although, it’s definitely safe to say he was never even in the picture. considering you’ve been waiting on him to make a move since he accidentally slipped up and directly described you as his ideal type. 

It was only 2 weeks ago but you really hated the anticipation of waking up everyday wondering if it was gonna be the day he finally asked you out.

And it still hadn’t changed even today when you walk into your biology class, searching for him immediately only to find that he was already looking at you. smiling and waving for you to come over.

“Goodmorning.” he speaks first

“goodmorning.”

“I got you coffee.” He says placing the cup of iced americano in front of you. 

“You didn’t have to.” You take your seat besides him.

“I wanted to thank you for helping me pass my midterms.”

“It's my job.”

“and you do it very well. Also, are you busy today? It'd be nice to have you cheer me on at practice.”

“I’ll be there.”

You guys were already basically dating, with you showing up to all his basketball practices and games. going over to his apartment or having him come to yours. knowing all of his friends and even texting each other goodnight/goodmorning.

The only thing missing was the official title of being his girlfriend.

“Good morning class.” The professor starts and waits for everyone to respond before carrying on with her lesson for the day. “You all will be put into groups of three to work on a project. And of course, I will be choosing teams.”

She reads off the list for a while before getting to you. 

“Okay group number 5, Y/N, Eunseok…” The last name goes completely unheard. You’re scrunching your eyebrows thinking that maybe there has to be a mistake because you don’t have a class with someone named Eunseok. 

“Sweet we get to work together.” Sungchan nudges you and you give him a half smile while looking around the room for the person you met last night. and sure enough you find the handsome guitar player sitting by the window of the room. his eyes already on you. 

If there was a word that could accurately describe the emotions you’re going through it’d be fucked. Was there a better word? Probably but the only word that came to mind was fuck. Well actually the first word that came to mind was “Huh” because you had never noticed that you shared this class with him before now.

But also because you thought you’d never see him again after last night. Assuming that he probably had a list of girls on his roster. But now that you knew that you were gonna be seeing him a lot more than you thought, you were fucked. 

“Eunseok… Hey.” You say trying to muster up a sincere smile. 

“Oh do you guys know each other?”  Sungchan asks, looking at the both of you.

“Yeah.” Eunseok answers before you can say anything 

“Only a little.” you add, trying to ignore the way Eunseok looks at you. “There’s a seat right here.” Sunghchan says, pointing to the chair beside him. You were no genius but allowing your somewhat one night stand to sit beside your potential boyfriend just didn’t seem like the brightest idea. 

So that’d justify why you suddenly and aggressively yell “no” when sungchan offers. “I mean, you can just sit right here.” You giggle when they both look at you shocked. 

Sports were never really your thing, but it became your thing when you started tutoring Sungchan. Loving the way he looks when he’s all sweaty, out of breath and his index finger always points directly to you right before he makes a shot.

Seeing him on the court always reminds you of why you stayed up late nights talking your best friend’s head off about him. He’s good at what he does and he also looks hella good doing it. Yes, him being tall, and a basketball player does play a big role in why you’re so attracted to him, but that wasn’t why you fell for him in the first place. It’d definitely have to be how special he made you feel, or how often he praised and complimented you. 

Or it could have been the way he always goes straight to you whenever he helps to win one of his games. You were still trying to figure out exactly why you liked him so much, but also trying to find out if he even liked you, or if you just thought he did.  

“Water?” you ask when he runs to you, and hunches over with his hands on his knees while trying to catch his breath. 

“Thanks.” He receives the water bottle from your hand and you observe how much smaller the bottle looks when he’s holding it. Your eyes stay trained to him when he brings the drink up his lips and he tilts his head back for the water to easily slide down his throat. You pay attention to the way his arm slightly flexed and how his damp hair stuck to certain parts of his forehead and around his face. 

“I’m gonna go get changed and then we can get ready to go.” He speaks through his heavy breaths, while pushing his hair back once again flexing his arm. 

“Okay.”  

He leans down again, this time his breaths are stable. He just wants to get on your level so you don't have to look up at him. Making eye contact with you when he does so. 

“You did a good job cheering for me.” He smiles at you, easily leaving you flustered when he speaks so only you could hear him. 

“Isn’t that why you asked me to come?” 

“That’s exactly why I asked, nobody else does it like you.” 

“Go get changed Sungchan.” You push him away weakly. 

There were many reasons why you liked sungchan, so it’s very hard to really pinpoint when you actually started falling for him and why. He was sweet, and funny, He was also very gentle with you. He was completely different from the stereotypes that other sports players had built for themselves.

“You have 3 months until the big game,” You begin to start a conversation while walking beside him to your car. 

“Yeah, I’m kinda nervous about it.”

“You’re nervous? You’re Jung Sungchan, best player on the whole team. You’re gonna do amazing.” 

“Are you gonna be there?” he stops in front of you.

“I wouldn’t miss it.” You say looking up at him.

“Then we’ll definitely win.” 

If only he was your boyfriend. If only he was your boyfriend you could kiss him goodbye instead of just imagining it. If only he was your boyfriend you could hold his hand instead of letting it just swing closely, just to get half the satisfaction of having your hand in his. 

If you had to give all of the reasons why you liked sungchan, you’d probably run out of time and breath. But if you were to give just the one reason you’d even consider looking at someone else it’d be because he strung you along as if you had all the time in the world. 

Because he’d say and do things that make you feel like there’s just no way he doesn’t like you the way you like him. But then he’d also say and do things that make you feel like you’re just reaching. 

“I’ll te-” His stopped mid sentence when two girls who you assumed were best friends walk up behind the both of you. Looking up at him, because of the way he towers over the three of you. 

“Sungchan.” one of the girls speaks. 

You watch him turn around to face the girls, and then switch your focus to watch them. They’re pretty, both of them. It doesn’t make you question yourself but it is something that you observe. 

“I think you’re really cute, can I have your number?” She asks, completely ignoring you standing behind him. even if she had acknowledged you it wouldn't change anything. it wasn’t like you could get mad and call her a home wrecker or anything.

But when he turns to you instead of answering first you feel a kaleidoscope of butterflies in your stomach. Nodding your head to ensure that you didn’t have an issue with him giving them his number. Were you actually okay with it? no. but you were curious to see what he was going to do.

He pleasantly surprises you when he shakes his head no, and wraps one of his arms around your shoulders. “I’m kinda busy right now.” 

“ah, I'm so sorry for bothering you guys.” the girl looks at you and then runs off with her friend

When they’re gone you look up to him expecting to talk about the interaction that just happened. but he doesn’t, only moving his arm from around you and continuing from where he left off before he was interrupted.

“I'll text you later.” he says, opening the door to your car.

“Okay” 

“drive safe.” Is the last thing he says before you split ways.

“I will.”

And the night with Eunseok? You plan on never talking or even thinking about it again. Was it fun? Yes, you definitely enjoyed yourself. And you wouldn’t be convincing anyone if you said that you hadn’t even thought about him once since last night. 

But if you were thinking about making things work with Sungchan, then you had to go about life pretending that Eunseok didn’t even exist. Which he was making very hard to do. 

You look away from your notes to look at the notification that pops up on your phone. Assuming that it’s probably Sungchan texting you just he assured you he would. However the name that flashes across your phone isn’t Sungchans. 

“Shit.” You whisper aloud and it causes your best friend to also look away from her notes. “What?”

“Eunseok just texted me.” You shyly admit.

“Why’s that a bad thing?” She sits up fully.

“I didn’t think he’d talk to me again.” 

“So you just wanted to fuck and never talk again.” She bluntly asks.

“We didn’t have sex… and yes. I thought that he did that with everyone.” 

“Okay what did he say?” She points to your phone, while still looking at you.

“He asked if I was busy.” 

“Well hurry up and text him back before he thinks you are busy.” She gestures to your phone.

“I can’t text him, what about Sungchan?” You ask.

“Sungchan? As in Jung Sungchan. Girl, are we still talking about this man?” You best friend rolls her eyes.

“Sungchan whom I’ve had a crush on since forever.”

“Exactly and where has that gotten you?” 

Leave it to her to be brutally honest with you, while also making you feel incredibly stupid

“We’re working on it.”  You say lowly and look to the side.

“Yeah right, tell him you’re free.” 

“Fine.” 

You aren’t doing anything wrong, right? It’s not like you and Sungchan are actually dating. Actually you are a free woman, so why not explore your options. Besides, you're just hanging out so really you aren’t doing anything wrong. 

His response comes immediately after you tell him you’re not doing anything. “He said he wants me to come watch them rehearse.” You bite your bottom lip while looking at your best friend. 

You’ve come to find that you actually love watching Eunseok play. You can tell just how much he loves what he does. All in the way his fingers elegantly dance along with the strings, creating a captivating melody that has you mesmerized. 

While subconsciously leaning forward, you stop focusing on his hands and start focusing on his face. How concentrated he looks trying to get the notes right on his instrument. 

He looks up when he begins to feel you watching him, smiling when his eyes meet yours. 

“You wanna try?” 

“No, no I can't, I'll break it.” You shake your head and wave your hands but he doesn’t listen to any of your arguments as he stands up and gently hooks the guitar strap around your shoulder. While resting the heavy instrument in your lap.

“Eunseok,” You look up at him, protesting once again. 

“Just hold it like this.” He says, moving your hand to where it needs to be. 

“Then just…” He demonstrates by grabbing your other hand and using your own fingers to strum the strings of his guitar. Showing you a few times before he allowed you to try again on your own. 

“See you’ve got it.” He speaks right by your ear, still holding the neck of the guitar up so you’d be more comfortable. 

“I did it!” you smile, not noticing how close he was until you turn your face to look at him. When his lips are so close to yours, you suddenly feel like you have stopped breathing. Your body goes into complete shock for a few seconds, and you don't know what to do.

“Uh, what a nice guitar, how much was this?” You begin to ramble, out of complete embarrassment, Striking a few chords on his guitar and jumping when they come out horrible. 

“I’ll just give this back.” 

Your heart's racing now and you feel the heat rush to your cheeks. Why did you let your roommate talk you into this? The “why” is unclear and all you know is that his small and deep laugh doesn’t help aid in the embarrassment you feel right now. 

“I can teach you more if you want.” 

“Uh, no it’s fine. That’s definitely more your thing.” You shake your head and pass him the guitar back. 

You glance up at the other boys, seeing that they had paused their practicing just to watch you and Eunseok. “Actually, maybe I should go. I don’t wanna interrupt you guys' practice time.” You look back up to him. 

“You aren’t interrupting anything.” 

He says to try to stop you and when it doesn’t work he looks over at wonbin. Who’s only gesturing at him to go after you. 

“Let me at least walk you to your car.” He speaks up as he runs behind you. 

“Okay.” is all that you say, slowing down so that he can catch up with you and walk in silence. You have a bunch of thoughts running through your head, feeling the need to get them all out before you forget everything. 

“About last night,” He stops walking completely when you begin to speak. 

“I just wanted to apologize. I don’t usually do that, well I’m not usually like that. I don’t know what happened. And I hope that it doesn’t make things awkward between us.” You explain 

“We can just forget it all happened if you want.” 

“Could we?” 

“Of course.” 

He smiles at you and you smile back, relieved to have gotten that off your chest. Knowing that class is gonna be so much easier now that you aren’t giving him the wrong Idea. 

“But we can still hang out right. Because I really like hanging out with you.” He continues when you start to walk again. 

Hearing him say that makes you realize, you actually like hanging out with him too. Watching him play and getting to know him better. 

“I like hanging out with you too.” You turn to look up at him when you finally reach your car. 

“So I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

“Yes, you will.” 

It goes quiet again, mainly because there’s nothing else left to say. But you’re not ready to leave yet. You suddenly start to feel the same way you felt when you first met him. It could have been because there was no one else around so he had nowhere else to look but at you. 

Having his eyes on you was like having your own personal spotlight, his dark obsidian eyes shining down on you like you were the prettiest thing to walk the earth. That might have been the reason you slowly gravitated closer to him. Slowly closing the space between both of you until your chest was pressed against his. 

He leans down but only a little, just enough for you to feel his breath brush against your face. And he’s still not as close as you want him to be. So you latch on to each of his shoulders and get up on your tippy toes so that your face could be leveled with his. 

Now his nose is barely touching yours, and your eyes are trained to his lips. Pausing before you think to kiss him, “Are you gonna apologize for this tomorrow?” He asks against your lips,

“Probably,” you say and it comes out almost in a whisper. 

Despite your answer he still wraps his arms around your waist as if it were even possible for you to get even closer to him. And he attaches his lips onto yours, while leaning down to your height so that  you could place your feet flatly on the ground again. 

Your arms wrap tightly around his neck pulling him towards you like he’s the last man you’re ever gonna kiss. 

“okay.” you whisper when you break the kiss 

“okay.” 

“Goodnight.”

“goodnight.” the two of you go back and forth.

“I should probably go now.”

“Alright, get home safe.” he says but neither of you let go of eachother. your arms still wrapped tightly around his neck and his hands still sitting firmly on your waist.

Maybe it was a good thing you let your best friend drag you out that night. Even though she never made good on her promises, but it wasn’t like you were expecting much from her. Being with Eunseok was so much different than anything you’ve ever experienced. He did all the things you wanted Sungchan to, and he was just as gentle with you as Sungchan was. He listened to you and made you feel desired.

Which is exactly why you agreed everytime he asked you out again. 

However, with going on dates with Eunseok and still somewhat kinda seeing Sungchan things had begun to overlap and it started to get hard balancing the both of them. So you went to get advice from the person that got you in this mess in the first place. 

“Alright how about this, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, are for sungchan. Since he was here first.” your best friend writes down on the notebook in between you.

“Okay.” you nod

“and then Thursday, Friday, and Saturday are for Eunseok.”

“And sunday?” You ask, looking up at her. 

“That’s your day off, this is a full time job.” She explains 

“oh.” 

And you knew you could trust her. (No you didn’t) That’s why she was your best friend, she always had the best advice. (No she didn’t) 

Going between the two boys was actually quite easy, and even kinda fun. Coming home to recap with your best friend after everyday and using code names so that her new boyfriend wouldn’t catch on. 

“Any progress with the frog?” You best friend asked when you sat your laptop down on the coffee table and took a seat criss cross on the floor in front of it. 

“He told me his grades are getting better. That’s a good thing.” you answer. 

“You know that’s not what I’m asking.” You didn’t have to look to know that she was rolling her eyes. 

“He’s been practicing a lot.” You answer again, still trying to avoid the question you knew she was asking. 

“Did you guys kiss?” She just asks 

“Wait, Kiss? Like a princess and the frog kinda kiss? Wait, you guys have a frog that can play basketball?” Sohee sits up confused. 

“It’s just girl stuff, don’t you worry your pretty little head about it.” Your best friend says while leaning in to give him small butterfly kisses on his lips. 

“Okay.” He obeys and goes back to laying his head on her lap. 

“No, we didn’t kiss. We haven’t done anything.” You answer her question and turn back around towards your laptop to finish the list of assignments you’ve been putting off since you were spending more time with sungchan and Eunseok. 

“And the rock?” is all she says, but it causes your lips to turn up into a smile. And you have to look to the side so that she doesn’t see the way your excitement grows when you think about him. 

“We…” You start

“You really like him huh?” She asks 

“The rock?” Sohee sits up again. 

“It’s nothing, baby.” She shushes him. 

She was right, you definitely did like him, a little too much you think.

So much so that even when you weren’t around him you were still thinking about him. So much so that small things reminded you of him. So much so that your heart did a little cartwheel whenever you got a message from him. 

It was just so easy to be with him, you didn’t even have time to think about if he liked you or not. 

Eunseok kept his hand loosely around yours while you jumped and squealed at all the sea animals in the aquarium. Pointing to the ones that you thought were especially enchanting, While you watched the swimming sea creatures he watched you. 

Paying attention to how he could see the reflections of the fishes through your eyes, seeing how your face lit up. 

“This is so beautiful.” You whisper. “Isn’t it?” He says

“Sometimes I wish I was a fish…” You speak while still staring ahead. “I could see this everyday.” you say referencing the pretty scenes of underwater life.

“if you were a fish, you’d be a jellyfish” he said looking at the fish swimming behind the glass.

You turn your head to watch him when he moves to stand behind you and wrap his arms around your torso. 

“Why a jellyfish?” 

“Cause they're my favorite sea animal, and they're really pretty.” He turns and  smiles down at you. 

“You think I’m pretty?” You ask but he doesn’t answer. Only leaning down to give you a chaste kiss on the lips. 

“You didn’t answer my question.” You turn your whole body around to face him.

“I don’t think pretty is a strong enough word to describe you.” He whispers against your lips right before he gives another kiss. This one being more passionate and intense than the first one. 

If this was something that he did with everyone, you bet they felt special. Because you definitely did. No matter how many times you tried to tell yourself not to get too attached to him, he always did something that made you imagine what it’d be like to go all the way with him. 

But then there’s sungchan…

And when you were with sungchan things were just different. 

You kicked a bit of sand up every time you took a step, walking beside Sungchan with your hands dangling beside you. The beach was completely empty, it’s just you and sungchan walking along the shore listening to the crashing of waves. 

The shades of blue and orange reflected off the vast sea beside you. The wind blowing past your skin causes you to shiver and wrap your sweater tighter around your body. 

You weren’t a big fan of beaches, or more the idea of them. The crowds of people sunbathing in the sand and having your food stolen by unruly seagulls. But this wasn’t that, this was romantic and intimate. 

It was perfect, being here with sungchan not a care in the world.

“Are you cold?” He asks slipping his jacket off

“No, I’m okay.” He ignores you completely and wraps his varsity jacket over your shoulders

“Thanks.” You tug the ends of the jacket closer together. 

“The sunset is so pretty.” You look out beside you, watching specifically where the sky and the sea meet. Even with the harsh crashing of waves and screaming of birds, it still wasn’t enough to cover the awkward silence that the both of you had managed to maintain.

“I usually come here when I’m stuck on something and I don’t know what to do.”

“What are you stuck on?” You turn to ask him. 

He stops walking and it kinda starts to scare you. 

“I don’t know how to say this.” that’s when you hold your breath, for the first time in a long time you think he’s about to ask the question you’ve been wanting him to ask. 

“It’s okay, take your time.” you grab his hand without breaking eye contact with him.

Not another word leaves his mouth, because instead of telling you what’s been bothering him. He just leans down and connects his lips with yours. 

It’s gentle and tender. Just how you always imagined your first kiss with him would be. It was amazing, it’s like waking up on Christmas and seeing that you got exactly what you asked for. But when you pull away from the kiss and look up your heart drops. 

You liked being with Eunseok, but you’ve always liked Sungchan. You were very sure of it. So why did you imagine Eunseok when Sungchan kissed you? 

The thought confuses you so much that you go back for another kiss from him, hoping that his one would reset your brain and get you back on track. But it doesn’t because when you open your eyes, You still see Sungchan. 

“How did it go, with the frog?” your best friend asks the second you walk back into your shared apartment. 

“It was good.” 

“It doesn’t sound too good.” She says, “Did anything happen?” 

“Yeah, umm we kissed.” You say nonchalantly 

“Oh my god he finally made a move?” She begins to celebrate for you 

“Wait, so are you like… into frogs?” Sohee walks to counter where you and your best friend are. 

“No, I thought I was but now I think I like the rock, because when the frog kissed me all I could think about was the rock and now I’m confused.” 

“You were thinking about the rock?” You best friend asks 

“So you like to kiss rocks?” Sohee adds  

“No boy hush.” She holds her index finger out to him. 

“GIrl what are you on?” she turns back to you 

“This is your fault, I knew I shouldn’t have continued to see him.” 

“Wait so you told her to kiss the frog?” Sohee asks, still very confused. 

“I told you to go out with him, have fun, be young. Not, fall in love with him.” 

“Are we talking about the rock or the frog?” Sohee interjects again. 

“I’m not in love with him, I don’t even like him.” You roll your eyes

“Okay I don’t know what’s going on but I know that’s a lie. Because the way you talk about the rock makes me want to find a rock. Sohee turns to you 

“So you’d cheat on me with a rock.” Your best friend turns to him. 

“No, of course not. There’s no rock in the world that looks at me the way you do.” 

“And there never will be.” She adds, “But my baby is right, you definitely like the rock.” 

“No, I like the frog.” You correct. 

“Not anymore.” they both say in sync.

Confused as you were, you didn’t stop seeing him. You needed to find if  you actually like him, or if you just liked the way he made you feel. 

You sat right in front of the stage where Eunseok and his band performed. He was right, over time you’d gotten used to being at these kinds of events. Just not for the reason you imagined, you liked being here because he was here. You got to see him in his element. 

And you found this is where he was his best. 

Even though you’d gotten used to being here, it didn’t make the music any better. It just got easier to tune out. The only music being bearable was the music that Eunseok made. The music that got you here in the first place. The music that made you question your true feelings. 

You’re lost in thought, staring at him. Watching him flick at the strings of the guitar and while you were watching you failed to notice that the song he was performing wasn’t a song you heard before. It’s beautiful and different from any of the other songs they’ve done. 

It’s slower in tempo and amorous. Just the song he was playing made you realize that you might actually like him, You might like him alot. It wasn’t just the way he made you feel, it was him himself. 

And you become very sure of it when leaves the stage and makes his way to you kissing you in front of everyone. You become sure of it when he kisses you and you don’t imagine anyone else but him. 

“R&R everyone.” You faintly hear in the speakers behind you. 

But then there was sungchan. 

“You’re gonna be at the game right?” He asks, leaning against the door in front of you. 

“I told you a million times, I won’t miss it.” 

“I just wanna make sure you remember, I’ll be sad if you don’t make it.” 

“I’ll definitely be there, sungchan.” 

“Promise?”  he asks, holding out his pinky to you. 

“Really?” You laugh 

“Yes, I need you to promise me.” 

You’re still giggling but you wrap your pinky finger around his and give him the reassurance that he wants to hear. 

“I promise that I’ll be there. I’ll be cheering louder than anyone else.” You promise with your finger still looped around his. 

“Good.” He gets ready to give you a small peck, but out of panic you turn your head so he kisses your cheek instead and start fake coughing so he doesn’t think anything of it. 

“Sorry, I think I’m coming down with something.” You say in between coughs. “But I’ll see you tomorrow, Sorry, bye.” You don’t give him any time to say anything before you close the door right in his face. 

The second you close the door and turn around, you’re faced with your best friend. “That’s messed up.” 

“What?” 

“You know what.” She smirks, putting an emphasis on the “know”. 

“I didn’t know what else to do.”

“I'm not judging girl. do your thing.” she points and walks back towards her room. 

it definitely felt like she was judging, but you couldn’t blame her. you were judging too. 

You were there, just as you promised.  Sitting on the bleachers, screaming his name whenever you felt appropriate. 

The scores are too close to even predict who you think is gonna win, but you think it doesn’t even matter. because no matter what, you just wanted to be here to support sungchan. 

Although you can’t help but feel your heart drop when you see the  look on his face, when he looks up at the scores and then looks around the gym to find you . Wishing that you could just just the numbers yourself. or that there was at least something you could do, but there wasn’t anything left to do but sit there and cheer for him like you promised you’d do.

When halftime comes around you make your way down to him, with a bottle of water in hand.

“you’re here.” He smiles even though he’s still out of breath.

“I told you I would be.” 

“I didn’t see you at first, I was starting to get worried.”

“I can tell.”

“Really, was I bad?” he asks, sitting up straight when he’s gotten his breaths tamed.

“You’re doing good Sungchan, can’t wait to celebrate when you win.”

“I’m glad you’re here.” he says lastly and you respond with “I made you a promise.” before he leans down to place a small kiss on your cheek. 

“Okay, now go win this game.” you pat his back. 

“you better be watching when I do.” He points to you when he runs back over to his team.

“Who's winning?” Your best friend asks in your ear.

“Omg you’re here.” you get up and squeal when you see her. 

“don’t be too happy, I'm only here to save your ass for what’s about to happen.” 

“What's about to happen?” You ask.

“If I tell you, then it won’t happen.” she shrugs 

This is one of those many times that you’d like to throw her in a box and ship her to australia. because now you’re trying to think of every possible scenario of what could go wrong. 

And you wished she’d just tell you, so you could prevent whatever catastrophe is about to take place. 

as you’re still thinking Sohee walks in and takes a seat besides your best friend. His arm instantly wrapped around her when he asks “who’s winning.”

“So far it’s a tie.” you explain distantly.

“oh yeah, eunseoks waiting for you in the hallway.”

“Eunseok?” you ask jumping up. 

“yeah. he’s in the hallway.” he says again.

You run out of the gym and into the hallway where you expect to find Eunseok. Looking around hastily when you see him already smiling at you. 

“What are you doing here?” you question when he pulls you into a hug, planting a small kiss on your lips.

“It seemed really important to you.” He looks down at you, with you still wrapped in his arms 

“Sungchan’s playing, and he’s been working really hard. so I just couldn’t miss this.” You explain.

“You guys must be very close.” he asks but it comes out more as a statement than a question.

“Yeah, you could say that.” You agree.

“Okay, well you finish watching the game… while i go get us some snacks.” he says in between kisses.

“I'll come with you. I need to make sure you get the right ones.”  You speak against his lips.

“I'll get the right ones.” 

“But i need to make sure.” You go back and forth with him.

“sounds like you’re just trying to make excuses.”

“I'm not making excuses, I'm just very picky about my snacks.” you smile up at him before going in for

Time went by so fast you didn’t even realize you were out for so long. Neither of you even made it to get snacks because you stood in the hallway kissing him. not realizing that the game was over until you heard claps and screams coming from inside the gym. 

“Fuck.” You curse under your breath when you realize that you had missed the entire game.

“what?”

“i gotta go.” he starts to ask why but you don’t explain anything as you run back into the gym to see Sungchan and his team cheering. Making it obvious to you, who had won. 

This must’ve been what your best friend was trying to warn you about. this had to be it, because all the guilt you’re feeling right now makes you wanna cry. 

Especially when Sungchan runs over to you with the biggest smile on his face. A smile that you tried to match but failed. Luckily he was too proud of himself to notice how you were feeling. 

“you won.” you say to mask the guilt that’s eating you inside out.“I knew you would.” 

“I did it for you.”

It was sickening to say the least, Sungchan made the winning shot in your name and you weren’t even there to see it. What's even worse is when he grabs your hand to wrap up in a hug and places a tender kiss on your forehead. 

“you gotta come out at some point.” you’ve locked yourself in your room and decided not to talk to anybody at all, because of how bad you felt about what you did to sungchan. And to be honest you weren’t really ready to face either one of them in class. 

“Go away.” You yell from your bed. 

“Girl. don’t get mad at me cause you decided to have your tongue down your man's throat while your other man was winning a basketball game for you.” She snaps back 

“You’re not making me feel any better.” You 

“You shouldn’t even feel bad, you think either of them are locking themselves in their room and crying because they kissed another girl.” she questions through the door.. 

That’s when you get up and walk to your door to say what you have to say to her face. 

“I don’t know how much it meant to him that I was there, and I missed it. I couldn’t even do the one thing he asked me for.” 

“Okay? He probably hasn’t even noticed that you missed the last three days of classes. And besides he’s just been stringing you along. It’s not like he was really ever gonna make any commitment to you.” 

She was wrong, but she’s always wrong. That’s something about her, she has a fantastic talent of being just wrong all the time. This time she was wrong about sungchan not noticing that you missed class. 

Because he stood right in front of your apartment door with your favorite ice cream. Getting ready to knock when he sees Eunseok get off the elevator with a paper bag in hand. They both look at eachother confused but Eunseok is the first to speak, 

“What are you doing here?” 

“I’m here to see my girlfriend.” Sungchan says adjusting the tin of ice cream in his hand.

“Are you aware that your girlfriend has a boyfriend?” Eunseok asks referring to your best friend, 

“Huh?” 

While you’re still explaining to your best friend why you’re so hurt about what you did to Sungchan. There's a knock at the door that causes you to jump slightly. You hold your breath while your best friend walks over to answer the door. 

“Y/n your boyfriends are here.” She yells which warrants them to look at each other and then back at her. 

“Huh?” They say in unison. 

“Fuck.” you curse under your breath.

You walk out to the living room, to see that indeed both Sungchan and eunseok were standing side by side staring back at you with confused expressions written on their faces. 

If you could pull out a sword and swallow it right there, you would. Right in front of them, maybe then that would solve every life problem you’ve ever had, including this one.  

“What.. umm. What are you doing here?” You’re not even sure which of them you’re directing it to. 

“I thought you were sick so I bought ice cream.” “I brought your favorite ice cream.” they both say at the same time. 

“You brought ice cream cause you thought she was sick?” Your best friend asks but she gets ignored when Sungchan looks down to the jar of ice cream that Eunseok’s holding. “That’s not her favorite.”

“She loves this one.” Eunseok looks at him.

“She likes cookies and cream.” Sungchan speaks holding up the ice cream that he's holding in his own hands.

“She hates cookies and cream,” Your best friend answers before you even get a chance to say anything.

“I thought you liked cookies and cream.” Sungchan finally looks at you. 

“I do like it.” You lie.

“Now girl, why are you lying?” You best friend speaks up for you.

“Shut the fuck up.” You turn to say to her with gritted teeth, 

“Oh my bad, she loves cookies and cream because she can’t ever just choose one flavor.” 

“Do you ever stop talking?” you ask passive aggressively. 

To that she just throws her hands up in the air and mutters a very insincere “sorry.” while walking to her room.

“So do you like cookies and cream? Cause I can go get a different one if you don’t like this one.” 

“I love cookies and cream.” You lie through a tight smile as you look at Eunseok who could very easily tell you were lying. And you knew it, especially with the way he cocks one of his eyebrows up. 

“Thank you guys for-” You start but get cut off by Eunseok. “Who’s Sungchan’s girlfriend?” He asks, leaving you confused. 

“Sungchan’s girlfriend?” You repeat, looking at Sungchan, your heart completely beating outside of your chest. 

“You’re my girlfriend.” He responds to you.

“Huh? Your girlfriend?” you ask now even more confused. 

“I thought we made things official that day at the beach.” 

“You didn’t say anything, you just kissed me” By the time you think to stop yourself, it’s too late. You’re too scared to look at Eunseoks reaction but you do anyways. “Do you like him?” he asks calmly and it makes you nervous. 

“I..” You're not even sure how to answer the question with them both standing in front of you.

“I understand.” He places the jar of ice cream in your hands and walks out of the door. “No, I-” Instinctively you go to chase after him. But sungchan’s voice alone stops you right in your tracks. “What are you doing?” 

What are you doing? Things were never supposed to get this serious with Eunseok. So why do you feel so disappointed seeing that Sungchan is still here instead of him. And would things be better if it were the other way around. 

“Sorry- I think you should go.” You finally look up at him. 

“What?” 

“You should just go.” You say once again, trying to blink back the tears that are threatening to fall. Watching him silently leave, taking the ice cream with him. 

It’s been six days since you’ve talked to either Sungchan or Eunseok. You’d say it was better this was, but that’d be a lie. It was better when your heart didn’t drop every time you ran into Eunseok in the hallway, or at least when he would just respond to your text, 

It was better  when you didn’t feel a wave of disappointment whenever you opened your notifications only to see that it was just Sungchan begging you to talk to him. It was better when you didn’t go through your day feeling like there was something missing. 

The rain tapping against your window eases your mind as you reread through all of Sungchans messages. Your bottom lip tucked in between your teeth and your books laid out across the floor, from when you attempted to catch up on your homework but failed when google decided to notify you about your old photos with Sungchan. 

Sungchan: Hi

Sungchan: Can we please talk?

Sungchan: Fine, I'll just talk. 

Sungchan: I know I haven’t been really straightforward with you about how I felt. So I hope that I can fix that now, I like you. I like you alot and I miss you and I just want you to talk to me please. I don’t know what I did wrong but if you just tell me I'll fix it, I promise I will. 

The more you read the last message the heavier your heart gets. Once again you feel like you're about to cry, but you can’t because you’ve already cried all you can cry. You know you need to put your phone down and do something else to take your mind off of this but no matter how many times you tell yourself that you just can’t put it down. 

It doesn’t help that it’s completely silent, there’s nothing here at all to distract you from your own thoughts. and when you think about opening your social media accounts nothing seems entertaining enough to keep you from clicking off of them and back on to sungchans messages.

However, the knock at the door is more than enough to make you forget everything. you get up to answer it assuming it’s just one of your neighbors or something, but when you open it to see sungchan right across from you, you almost close the door in his face. or at least you imagine it. 

“Why are you here?” you mutter. 

“I really need to talk to you.” He walks right in and closes the door. 

“We-” 

“Just listen, I like you, I like being around you, I like talking to you. I like the way you support me, the way you make me feel. I know I’ll never find someone even close to you and I know It shouldn’t have taken me this long to tell you, but I was afraid of how you’d react. And even if you don’t like me the way I like you, I hope that we can at least just stay friends.” 

You can’t think of anything to say even though you know he’s waiting for you to say something. Your brain is full of over a million thoughts, that you fear that if you do say something it’s gonna come out mumbled and confusing. 

You did like him, you really did. But after a while it felt like you were just convincing yourself that you did. And this should’ve been enough to make it clear who your heart really belonged to but you’re still clinging on to the little bit of feelings that you have left for Sungchan. So you tell him “I like you too, but I think we should just stay friends for now. That’s worked out really good for us so far.” 

To which he laughs and pulls you into a hug. “It definitely has.” This makes you feel somewhat better. It hushes half the thoughts that you had before. Plus the hug is warm and comforting and exactly what you didn’t know that you needed. 

“Are you crying?” He asks looking down at you

“No.” You lie muffled into his chest. 

Now that things with Sungchan were going much better you were still trying to work out things with Eunseok.  And “work things out” just meant that you ranted to your best friend every day after class about how much you miss your rock. 

“The frog and I are okay, but the rock won’t talk to me, he’s ignoring all my messages and he won’t even look at me in class.” 

“Maybe because he’s a rock.” Sohee blatantly speaks but you ignore him and keep talking as if he isn’t even there. 

“I just miss him so much, I miss playing in his hair and listening to him play his guitar while I’m trying to study.” 

“Okay so correct me if I’m wrong but I’m starting to think that your rock is a code name.” Sohee interrupts again.

“Oh baby you’re thinking too much, you just need to relax. Here let me…” Your best friend places her hand on his shoulder to pull him back and stop him from saying anything else but it still doesn't work because he just lays his hand over hers and continues to make his point. 

“No wait, I have never seen a rock that plays the guitar and the rock sounds alot like…. Oh my god.” He yells the last part upon coming across his realization. 

“Is the Rock Eunseok?” He asks, jumping up off the couch. You’re too stunned to speak or even think. Your body is too stiff to move, you don’t even know how to get yourself out of this situation. “I’m right aren’t I?” 

“Yes, Eunseok is the rock.” You say shamefully 

“And the frog must be that Sungchan guy.” He adds

“You know Sungchan?’ You look back at him confused. 

“Yeah, the basketball player that you cheated on Eunseok with.” 

“Now wait, I didn’t cheat.” You hold your hands out as you're ready to defend yourself.

“You might as well have, Eunseoks liked you for so long that I thought the both of you were already married.” 

“But we’ve only known each other for like 3 months.” You speak, confused.

“No, he’s liked you for like ever. He used to bother us all the time about you during rehearsals.  He talked about you so much that Seunghan threatened to ask you out just so he would make a move.” 

“What?” Now you're at a complete loss of words.

“Bro yeah, we were all shocked that he finally talked to you when we saw you at the show. You should’ve been there, well you were but you know what I mean.”

Wonbin noticed you first, because you were the only person in the crowd who had a frown so prominent that he was worried your face was gonna be stuck like that. That’s when he taps Sohee’s arm so that he could see it too but Sohee was too worried about your best friend to really care about how mad you looked. So when he couldn’t get his attention he just turned to Suenghan and called it to his attention instead.

“Wait, I think that’s Y/n.” Suenghan says 

“Are you sure? She’s usually happier.” But when wonbin turns around Suenghans already gone to find Eunseok. 

“Y/n’s here.” Seunghan says pointing to you while looking at Eunseok. To which Eunseok just shrugged off without even looking in your direction because they’ve been playing with him like that all night. So he just assumed it was another one of their mean jokes. However when Seunghan just laughs and leaves he looks up just to check out of pure curiosity and it was actually you. 

He’d already told his band members that the next time he saw you he was just gonna talk to you. And he had intentions on going through with his promise even though you looked extremely unentertained.  

Sohee finished explaining the story about the night you and Eunseok met.

“And then he started talking about you even more once you guys finally did start seeing each other.” 

“This entire time?” You ask again. “And more.” Sohee adds which makes your best friend chuckle. “Girl, go get your man.” 

“He won’t even talk to me.” 

“He’s not the one that needs to do the talking.” For the first time in a really long time, your best friend was actually right. So you did as she told you to and reached for your phone. 

“I said go get your man not go text him.” 

“What if he closes the door in my face?” You ask in a whine. 

“Then it would have been very deserved.” She replies. 

“But-” You begin to make an excuse but get cut off immediately.

“Go!” They both shout at the same time. 

You’re now in the parking lot of his apartment, still hesitant on whether or not you’re ready to face him yet. You know that if you leave the car you’ll be forced to deal with reality so you decide to just stay there for a few more minutes and at least plan out what you wanna say. However all that’s going through your mind is static and everything that Sohee told you. 

You’re so confused you begin to talk to yourself. “This whole time?” you say aloud.

No matter how many times you try to talk yourself into leaving your car you just can’t. You even make it as far as to open your car door.

“So how’d it go?” your best friend asks the second you walk back into the door. 

“It didn’t.” 

“What do you mean it didn’t?” She pipes up.

“I got too scared to even knock on his door.” You speak.

She gets up from the couch and walks to the front door and closes it behind her leaving both you and Sohee completely confused. Then you hear a knock at the door so you answer it because you know exactly who it is. “That’s all you had to do.” She says when you open the door. 

That’s when you close the door in her face, and lock it right after. Although you knew she was right. If you wanted to work things out with Eunseok you definitely couldn’t allow your ego to get in the way. 

Sitting in your bed, reading over the unsent message over and over again until you finally have the guts to push send. However the more you read it the more you decide against even bothering him. 

You let out a long, deep sigh, click your phone off and lay it on the bed beside you while thinking about something to help distract you. However everything you thought of led back to Eunseok. Even when you throw your head back on your pillow and close your eyes all you can think about is him. 

“What do I do?” you speak aloud to yourself. 

“Oh you need a break. Bad.” Your best friend trespasses into your room. 

“What do you have in mind?” you say simply turning your head over in her direction

“I’m thinking we're going to see this new band.” She sits beside you on the bed, while proposing her new idea. 

“I don’t think I’m ready to see Eunseok in person yet.” 

“He’s not even gonna be there, I’ll have Sohee make sure of it.” 

“This better not be one of your little tricks.”

“What? One of my little tricks?” she teases looking off to the side 

“I’m not going.” You state firmly.

“No, he’s not gonna be there. I swear.” 

“I don’t believe you.” 

“Suit yourself.” When she doesn’t beg like you expected her to, you start to get concerned. “You don’t want me to take you?” 

She shakes her head. “No Sohee’s on his way.” She continues. “I just wanted to help you take your head off of things.” 

“This is the first time you’ve ever actually done something good for me.” You speak gratefully.

“Mm mm girl this is for me, you sitting around here sad really messes up the mood. And the smell, girl, take a shower.” She covers her nose.

“Wow, thanks.” You sit back against your headboard to begin contemplating again why you were even friends with her. 

“I’m kidding y/n, you know I love you. And I really hate seeing you like this, It breaks my heart.”

“I’m sorry I’m trying to shake this feeling.” 

“Just come out with us tonight, please. If you’re not feeling it you can leave no questions asked.” She moves closer to you and cuffs your hands into hers. The look she gives you makes it hard to say no. Not that you’d say no anyways, you really could use a distraction. 

“Fine.” 

“You’ll come?” 

“Yes, I’ll come. But I'm driving myself. I don’t need to see you and sohee making out the whole ride.” 

Just as promised you showed up to the event and yet again your best friend was nowhere to be found. You didn’t even bother to look for her, you just stood with your arms crossed staring at the crowd in front of you and thinking about how long it had been since you were in a place like this. 

The music still needed some getting used to but you weren’t as uptight about it as you once were. You also notice that there is something different, you can't quite pin your finger on it but you definitely notice it. Maybe it’s just the vibe that’s off, you usually came to these things for Eusneok so now that he wasn’t here it felt kinda weird. 

Or it could have been that they painted the walls a different color. But it’s most likely the fact that the boy that you’re looking for can’t be found. Even though you told yourself and your best friend that you don’t wanna see him yet, you can’t help but look around occasionally to see if you find a familiar face. 

But you never do, no matter how many times you look or in what direction. He’s not there. 

“Looking for someone?” a voice says behind you and your heart drops immediately, You turn around with wide eyes but quickly release your breath when you see that it’s not the person you thought it was. 

“Just my best friend.” You answer him although you're not really in the mood to speak to speak to anyone at the moment.

“Did I scare you? I didn’t mean to.” The unnamed man continues

“Oh no you’re fine.” 

You are still talking to the man but someone behind him catches your eye and distracts you from the conversation. You watch them for a little and the longer you watch the more you’re sure that it’s definitely the guitar player that you’ve been looking for all night. 

Not another second goes by before you’re cutting the man off to push past the crowd and make your way to Eunseok. He doesn’t say anything when he sees you so you decide to speak first.

“Can we talk?” 

“There’s nothing to talk about.” He says bluntly.

“I have a lot to say.” You state but you don’t get the chance to get anything else out because he walks away from you and you’re forced to run after him just so you can at least explain yourself. 

“Eunseok.” You shout, and that’s when he finally stops

“I like you Y/n, and I can’t talk to you when I know about you and him. I don’t wanna be just friends.”

“And I like you too, when I’m with him I’m thinking about you. I’m always thinking about you. I just can never stop thinking about you.”

“Were you thinking about me when you kissed him?” He asks 

“I was.” You answer honestly 

“and you still did it.” 

“It was wrong to try and go between the both of you, I know. but I honestly thought you did this with everyone. how was i supposed to know how you felt?” you say in a raspy voice trying to stop yourself from crying. 

“how did you feel?” He questions 

“I felt confused. I never expected to like you as much as I do, and I never thought you’d like me back in the same way.”

you stop and watch him before you say something else

“Please forgive me, eunseok I’m sorry I really am. I don’t know how many times I can say that.”

you continue to watch him even as he walks closer to you and wraps his arms around you for you to rest your head on his chest. “I missed you.” cutting you off from apologizing anymore.

“I missed you too.” 

“And also do you really like cookies and cream Ice cream?” he asks suddenly 

“No, I hate it.” you laugh still burying your head into his chest. 

[dollarstoreartsupplies]

OKAY here is the completely nonserious percy jackson npmd au thats been taking up space in my brain for weeks now because it simply needs somewhere to go:

New campers-

Stephanie Lauter:

I'm not overcomplicating this one: Steph is a daughter of Aphrodite

Solomon Lauter saw the hottest woman at some party where he was campaigning, and he’s is nothing if not ‘passionate’ and successful (by design) so it worked out

As far as Steph knows until her teens her mom ran off on her dad when she was a baby, and that’s fine, she doesn't give a shit, she’s never looked into it

Until, when she’s sixteen (because somehow she’s made it this long) Grace Chasity starts a rumor, her dad sends her to Abstinence Camp and the monster in the woods chases her right into camp halfblood

She gets claimed pretty promptly and Is Not A Fan

She’s thinks it’s pretty sexist and conceited and stupid and problematic for a whileeeee and refuses to look into it any more than ‘pink and pretty and misogynistic’ which like, doesn’t go well for her but she’s nothing if not stubborn

She’s fluent in French because of her mom but she doesn’t know that until she gets to camp and is genuinely so pissed off that the one school subject she thought she was good at isn’t even on her own merit

She’s got some vague appearance manipulation stuff, and once she realizes she does she exclusively uses it to change her hair color and make her eyeliner look good

She’s probably like camp way more if she knew about it earlier but the combo of her had having kept it from her and who her mom is and all the stupid games/worship expectations piss her off and she bails on most of the events/training/campfires out of spite

She definitely uses some close up weapon like a dagger or short sword

Grace Chastity:

Grace is a daughter of Ares 

(Her finding this out goes very poorly)

Im ngl i feel like somehow Ares ended up with Mark Chastity, I refuse to examine this thought but i think Mark Chastity had his first gay experience and woke up the next morning with a baby there somehow because Ares thought it would be hilarious and wanted to see what would happen

She gets chased to camp with Steph from Abstinence Camp and is fucking livid, the whole thing is insanely scareligious and ridiculous and everyone there is going to hell and she is so heated that Ares, once again thinking it’s really funny and slightly proud, claims her on the spot

Grace Chastity is out here with her sacreligious two gay dads

She really resents specifically who her dad is because in her head she is made for peace and love and spreading the word of god, she hates the idea of war or violence on principal, so she spends a lot of time at the strawberry fields or Pegusus stables because she does really like the flying horses :)

She refuses to take place in any camp activities or training and all her siblings hate her

At a certain point she’s able to harness a level of odikinesis (enhancing feelings of hatred and war) and it doesn’t go well

Chiron honestly is forcing her to stick around because he’s REALLY so very nervous about how the fuck it would go to have Grace loose on the mortal world right after she finds everything else

Her weapon is an axe

Obviously

AND THEN we’ve got the established campers-

Peter Spankoffski:

Okay so forgive me for my special little blorbo-fication of my guy but:

Pete’s a son of Nyx

He super fucking shouldn’t be, there aren’t demi-god children of Nyx, just monsters and minor gods, but him and Ted were kind of just… thought experiments? Like she was bored and very curious so she took a really shitty human and had a child with him (Ted) and then, in what Nyx’s head was barely any time at all but in human years was straight up 18 years, has another one (Pete)

Ted raises Pete for a couple years, but children of Nyx in general are just bad omens, and human children of Nyx who probably shouldn’t exist are no exception, so they get hunted down by monsters hard

Ted dies or disappears by the time Pete’s ten or eleven and he ends up at a camp

He’s a year round camper and lives in the hermes cabin because obviously Nyx doesn’t have a cabin (look okay i know that percy fixed that, but that bit of lore where any unclaimed or minor god children live at the hermes cabin is so fucked up and rife with angst and hurt/comfort potential is too much for me to resist so this is a universe where percy jackson does not exist)

His luck is horrible, like it’s a magical demigod ability how horrible his luck is and he’s well on his way to systematically having broken every single one of his bones one by one, they know him so well in the apollo cabin

NO ONE (and I mean NO ONE) likes him and he’s considered a camp wide jinx so he takes one for the team and personally exempts himself from any team events like capture the flag because no one is willing to have him on their side

A lot of newer campers generally assume he’s an Athena kid because he really enjoys learning/strategy/by-the-book stuff because it’s a lot easier than trying to get involved with the more dangerous athletic shit 

Because his mom is the goddess of night he’s very into outer space

His weapon is a bow and arrow, but he’s pretty good with most range weapons/anything that he can calculate aim for 

Ruth Fleming:

Ruth is a daughter of Demeter and she’s pissed about it

Her dad told her about being a demigod a couple years before she went to camp but he didn’t know who her mom was so she got very very into greek mythos and shit and was convinced she was a daughter of Athena or Aphrodite or someone else nine-year-old-girl-cool and was fucking devestated when it was the goddess of farming

Like, she’ll do all the things she’s expected to (helping in the strawberry fields, weeding, etc..) but she’s going to complain about it

She doesn’t even have any cool powers to go with it!!! it’s so unfair >:( 

She’s also involved with the camp’s theater department and is convinced it’s rigged against her because of who her mom is in favor of Apollo and Dionysus kids (in fairness…. it probably is) which is why she’s always stuck on tech 

She’s definitely got a crush of Richie’s dad

She’s a summer only camper for sure, monsters don’t hunt her down for any reason in particular or en mass so she can get away with it and fight off the ones that do, but she does kind of take offense to the fact that even monsters don't want her (even if they’d just kill her) 

Her childhood greek mythology obsession carries over so she knows every dumb little detail about every myth and will bring it up unprompted

Her main weapon is just a celestial bronze sword but i feel like when she first got to camp at 12 she bribed a child of Iris to change the color of it so it looks like… rose gold lmao

Richie Lipschitz:

Richie is a son of Dionysus

And sure, okay, I know what you're thinking: that doesn’t really fit…?

But to that I say oh boy it does, just not for Richie

For his twin brother Trevor however– 

Richie is kind of like the black sheep of his cabin, not that there is many of them, because his brother is perfectly cookie cutter what a Dionysis kid should be (he’s a theater kid, he throws good parties, he’s generally popular) and Richie is not

They both started camp at probably 10-ish, a little earlier than traditional because there were two of them which drew more monsters

His eyes are violet though which he thinks is very cool so he dyes his hair purple to match them

He sorta-kinda has chlorokinesis, specifically for grape and strawberry vines, which a. he also thinks is very cool, and b. he uses as an excuse to get out of training so he can hang out with Ruth

He's also really good at swimming and trying to work up the courage to ask his dad if he'd possibly be able to grant him the ability to turn into a dolphin but just like... only when he wanted tot and he could turn back

He really wishes his was an Apollo kid (though, obviously he’d never say that out loud) because of the artistic stuff, so he sort of just tries to gaslight everyone that because his dad is the god of the Arts that includes physical art like drawing so obviously that’s why he’s good at it

He’s a summer-only camper too but for the dumbest reason; their parents gave the twins a choice, but Trevor wanted to be able to go back to school to do school plays and Richie can’t watch anime at camp so they chose summer only

His weapon is just a normal sword but he’s campaigning to get a child of Hephaestus to make him a Katana

(They’re all three kind of outcasts in terms of their own godly parents, because Ruth and Richie don’t really fit the mold of ‘normal child of [blank]’ and Pete’s kind of just generally disliked because of his parentage, so they all sort of came together as friends out of necessity but now they’re just actually buddies and they hang out)

anyway who knows if ill do anything with this but its FUN and id love to talk about it forever they're just little demigod losers I love them

[piratefishmama]

Forgiven Not Forgotten | Part 7

Never let it be said that the Harringtons knew how to go small. They didn’t. The quaint little two bed they’d been living in was always going to be temporary if Steve came home. Even if it was now… technically theirs. It was a nice house, perfect for many a small family, which technically they were.

But they were also… filthy stinking rich.

The Harringtons didn’t really know how to go and stay small. Which is why by the following weekend, Eddie’s release from hospital looming upon them and the two bed house feeling more and more cramped by the day, they already had a cash offer in place on a five bedroom estate in Bloomington.

Five bedrooms, four bathrooms, a finished basement games room, just under eight acres of land, a pool, and an extra little pool house outfitted as a detached bungalow on the property.

The little house they’d lived in… given it was theirs, well. They had no real plans for it yet. Selling it on was a potential, it was too far from the estate to even contemplate handing the keys to one of the families linked to theirs through their children’s shared trauma, although that’d be a nice gesture on their part, the idea of separating their kids after such an ordeal?

Nope. They’d clung to each other. Kept each other alive. They needed each other.

One of the reasons they even chose the bigger property was because “It’s big enough for you all to be there.” That’s what Lynda had told Steve when he’d asked about it. “It’s not going to happen for another couple of weeks, so the house is still going to be a little cramped with everyone in it, but…”

“We have no intentions of separating you from your family, Steven.” John finished for her, nodding over Steve’s shoulder to the multiple sets of eyes watching them. “Like your mother said, what we have now is too cramped, this new place will have plenty of room for everyone.”

“And… what about when their parents turn up?” Because it was a when, not an if. “Just gonna go back to an empty house?” They were operating on when. Nevermind that they’d never seen their parents get out of Hawkins. Nevermind that the only parent they knew for certain was alive and well outside of Joyce and Hopper, was Karen Wheeler, Ted having put himself between his kids and a Demogorgon during the early days and hadn’t come out as the victor. It didn’t matter that they’d seen horrors beyond anything a child should have to witness.

The kids needed to operate on when.

“Then we’ll help them find homes in the area, but until then, the house will be… a home base of sorts. A comfortable starting point for all of you so you’re not too far away from each other, it’ll never be an empty house, Steven. I know it might look like we’re just spending money for the sake of it but… it’s not like that anymore.” They weren’t doing that anymore. They’d found a better way than being away from home all the time. John worked from a home office and delegated important tasks and jobs to others to free up his time, and Lynda decided she wanted to be at home.

They were just glad Steve was allowing them to just decide to be there for him all of a sudden. He didn’t have to.

“…Forgive me if I still doubt that.” No amount of tearful apologies could erase all that history “But thanks, for… for thinking of us. It’s true, we kinda stuck together like glue after Mr Wheeler…” he trailed off. After they’d gotten Karen and Holly out of that house while Ted held back that shaking door, huge, clawed fingers tearing through wood. He still remembered Holly’s screams, still remembered Karen crying, begging them to go back as Nancy and Mike dragged her out, Holly running straight to Steve. “We were never far apart from each other.” It’d be weird without them, unsettling when the dust finally settled. When parents returned to claim their kids.

“And you wont be.” John placed a hand on his son’s shoulder, firm, squeezing it in comforting reassurance. “You won’t be.”

~~

“Aaaand this is your room.” Had it not been for the fact that Eddie had been in a coma for the last god only knows, where he could, with rules, conjure ridiculous shit, he’d have probably assumed he was still out.

He had a room. In what was essentially. A mansion. But he’d never seen it before, so he wasn’t still in his funky little void because he wouldn’t have been able to conjure it.

Only what he’d seen, only places he’d been.

He had his own room. Bigger than his old one at the trailer because of course it was. Currently empty of personal belongings, void of personality, but Steve was holding boxes. Boxes with stuff in them, rolled up tubes of paper, stuff wrapped in newspapers, and he was setting those boxes down one by one inside the room. “…What’s in those?”

“Shit we saved from the trailer, it’s not much but… it’s something.” Eddie silently turned to just. Stare at him. Brows furrowed, confusion so evident Steve had to ask “what?”

“…How long has it been since I died, Steve?” He had to ask again, just to be sure of something, even if it was a weird question to ask.

“Bout two years, why?”

“… And in that time, Hawkins basically ate shit, right?”

“Yup, where’s this going?”

“How’d you save my stuff for that long? Why did you save my stuff for that long? Shit couldn’t have been easy to keep safe, right? So… why?” Steve fell silent, his jaw shifting, lips pursing, visibly going through all the possible reasons he could have saved that stuff, all the reasons why he would have saved that stuff, all the potential excuses, the boy would be terrible at poker.

He settled on shrugging his shoulders.

“Because I did. Because I could. Like I said, it’s not much.” It was so much. Not quantity wise, no… Steve was right there wasn’t much in those boxes, probably why Steve could carry multiple at a time but it meant so much. Steve obviously wasn’t going to go into the why’s or the how’s with him though. He was going to brush them away, without answers. “We saved some mugs, there’s some posters in here, uhh, I got a bunch of your tapes and your deck, I wish I could say I saved your guitars but… I’m sorry man, it was just too risky carting around something that could make noise. I think… they might still be there but—”

“It’s fine, Steve… this—this is way more than I could have asked for.” He could always get a new guitar, eventually. It’d mean saving up somehow, or using some of the hush money that the government had promised him for signing, he was planning on using that to find Wayne though.

It’d been over a week, the hospital had slowly been cleared of survivors, the Sinclair’s were the only parents who’d made it thus far, having been staying with Sue’s sister a few towns over doing the exact same thing as the Harringtons. Waiting. Hoping. Praying for news on their kids, any news. Anything.

They’d taken the Harrington’s offer to stay in the converted pool house with Karen until they could get housing arranged, the kids staying in the main house with everyone else.

“Yeah well… we’ll sort you out a new one eventually. Can’t leave the bard without his instrument, right?” Eddie’s wide eyes were on him again, a beaming smile spreading across his lips, dimpling his cheeks, stretching the scar tissue on his jaw, and Steve had to look away, he had to, because otherwise he just might fall again, and he couldn’t… he couldn’t make that mistake twice.

“Be still my beating heart, was that a D&D reference, Harrington?” He could feel the warmth seeping into his cheeks at the attention, as Eddie leaned in a little closer, got into his space, it’d been so long since someone had paid him any attention. Even if it meant nothing to Eddie, even if he was just being silly, be still his own beating heart.

“Maybe. Now get to unpacking your shit.” He put the last of the boxes down on the bed, purposefully turning away from Eddie to hide his reddening face, to hide what he knew Eddie had never wanted to see. “We’ll be heading out into town in an hour to find us all some new clothes, maybe some new stuff for the rooms too. Hop to it.”

“You’re not gonna help lil ol me unpack? I just got out of hospital!” Eddie called after him as Steve made to leave the room.

“With a clean bill of health! You can manage a few boxes!” And he was gone. Running away. Like a coward.

[hatsukeii]

"WE ARE THE BLOOD IN OUR...WAS IT VEINS OR ARTERIES AGAIN?" / T. KUROO

PROLOGUE | M.LIST | NEXT. |

warning(s): a very offhanded, not serious mention of suicide, also ochem and bio!

wc: ~1.0k

When Kuroo Tetsuro sees another glaring "2" that bleeds into the white paper of his chemistry exam, he has to consciously restrain his fingers from curling up around the cover and crumpling it until it is unrecognisable to the naked eye.

"Great work, Kuroo, as expected. 84%, keep it up!"

He smiles at his teacher, only customarily, with a grin that presses tight against his lips to hide the grinding of his teeth.

"Yeah...thanks."

For the second time in his life, somebody; some monster, or formidable foe, has pushed his head into the ground and risen from the dirt in this subject. From the front of the room, Kuroo slams his paper into the desk face down, a thud sounding from the slapping of paper on wood. His head snaps around his shoulder, eyes scanning his classmates behind him for a gleam in someone's eyes, or a face that tries to stay still, but trembles at the apples of its cheeks. Chatter about specific questions drones on, heads bury themselves into clammy hands, pens tick as impatient thumbs tap anxiously at the clicker shafts. An air of dread and nihilism paints the room grey, white lab lights buzzing and flickering more like that of a morgue as hopes and dreams are slowly, but surely, dissected with the flick of a pen that etches numbers into a test paper.

He should be glad, after all, he's in second place! Just barely grazing the top spot of the cohort! The education system is largely flawed anyways! Life is not a grade! He is still worthy of merit!

Kuroo's mind races for consolation, only to find sarcastic, half-hearted sentiments plucked from inspirational TED talks watched in his showers, and mandatory wellbeing assemblies enforced by the school to prevent students from finding the urge to launch themselves off bridges. He rips through the pages of his exam, picking at every calculation error, and missed argument, and misused theory that emerges from his work. He can almost hear their laughter, screechy and squeaky as they wiggle and twist on the paper, before shooting out of the page to laugh a little louder in his face.

"Guys, just take a look over here, since almost everyone messed up drawing this diagram. LDPE is supposed to be branched, but I still need to be able to read how many carbons and hydrogens are on each chain."

The projector ahead flicks on to reveal a perfect diagram, branches and webs of polyethylene connected neatly to one another, carbons and hydrogens labelled between each spot. Kuroo stares at his own diagram, a mess of lines and scribbled letters, all rendered futile beneath the ink red cross of judgement. He bets that whoever beat him wouldn't have gotten the words "illegible" stamped beside their polyethylene diagram. Wait, is that an S, or a 5?

From four rows behind, a pair of eyes train onto a sticky note stuck on a page of the exam. Just beneath the outline that houses the same polyethylene diagram on the projector screen, a labelled neuron is sprawled across the fluorescent yellow of the note. You rip the note off, clicking your tongue at the loss of a mark on the next question, before sticking the neuron diagram into a lined notebook. Peeling a new sticky note from your notepad, a pen spins between the joints of your fingers, rolling in steady backs and forths along your hand. You bite down on the hard plastic of the clicker shaft, flipping through the rest of the pages as you wiggle the pen up and down with your teeth to ease your bubbling annoyance. Seriously, who even cares about the difference between "suppose that" and "assume that" anyways?

A flick of the page with your hand flips the test back on its cover, and you slap the fresh sticky note onto the circled "1" that graces the top of the page, before scribbling the frontal lobe of a brain on the fluorescent green square in preparation for your lunchtime duty.

author's note:

to say that i haven't been either reader or kuroo would be a lie because you bet your ASS i am arguing for anything and everything i can get in an exam paper.... ANYWHO welcome to the new series!!! I've decided to make this into a series because of both the poll and personal planning preference LOL don't hate me pls but i hope u enjoy!!!

tags: @staraxiaa @iiwaijime @hiraethwa @akaakeis @wyrcan @chuuya-brainrot @catsoupki @bailey-reeds @fiannee @cupidsblonde @she-lovesmyheartshapedsunglasses @kuroppiii

ok love u guys see u soon bye bye

[macrolit]

NYT's Notable Books of 2023

Each year, we pore over thousands of new books, seeking out the best novels, memoirs, biographies, poetry collections, stories and more. Here are the standouts, selected by the staff of The New York Times Book Review.

AFTER SAPPHO by Selby Wynn Schwartz

Inspired by Sappho’s work, Schwartz’s debut novel offers an alternate history of creativity at the turn of the 20th century, one that centers queer women artists, writers and intellectuals who refused to accept society’s boundaries.

ALL THE SINNERS BLEED by S.A. Cosby

In his earlier thrillers, Cosby worked the outlaw side of the crime genre. In his new one — about a Black sheriff in a rural Southern town, searching for a serial killer who tortures Black children — he’s written a crackling good police procedural.

THE BEE STING by Paul Murray

In Murray’s boisterous tragicomic novel, a once wealthy Irish family struggles with both the aftermath of the 2008 financial crash and their own inner demons.

BIOGRAPHY OF X by Catherine Lacey

Lacey rewrites 20th-century U.S. history through the audacious fictional life story of X, a polarizing female performance artist who made her way from the South to New York City’s downtown art scene.

BIRNAM WOOD by Eleanor Catton

In this action-packed novel from a Booker Prize winner, a collective of activist gardeners crosses paths with a billionaire doomsday prepper on land they each want for different purposes.

BLACKOUTS by Justin Torres

This lyrical, genre-defying novel — winner of the 2023 National Book Award — explores what it means to be erased and how to persist after being wiped away.

BRIGHT YOUNG WOMEN by Jessica Knoll

In her third and most assured novel, Knoll shifts readers’ attention away from a notorious serial killer, Ted Bundy, and onto the lives — and deaths — of the women he killed. Perhaps for the first time in fiction, Knoll pooh-poohs Bundy's much ballyhooed intelligence, celebrating the promise and perspicacity of his victims instead.

CHAIN-GANG ALL-STARS by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah

This satire — in which prison inmates duel on TV for a chance at freedom — makes readers complicit with the bloodthirsty fans sitting ringside. The fight scenes are so well written they demonstrate how easy it might be to accept a world this sick.

THE COVENANT OF WATER by Abraham Verghese

Verghese’s first novel since “Cutting for Stone” follows generations of a family across 77 years in southwestern India as they contend with political strife and other troubles — capped by a shocking discovery made by the matriarch’s granddaughter, a doctor.

CROOK MANIFESTO by Colson Whitehead

Returning to the world of his novel “Harlem Shuffle,” Whitehead again uses a crime story to illuminate a singular neighborhood at a tipping point — here, Harlem in the 1970s.

THE DELUGE by Stephen Markley

Markley’s second novel confronts the scale and gravity of climate change, tracking a cadre of scientists and activists from the gathering storm of the Obama years to the super-typhoons of future decades. Immersive and ambitious, the book shows the range of its author’s gifts: polyphonic narration, silken sentences and elaborate world-building.

EASTBOUND by Maylis de Kerangal

In de Kerangal’s brief, lyrical novel, translated by Jessica Moore, a young Russian soldier on a trans-Siberian train decides to desert and turns to a civilian passenger, a Frenchwoman, for help.

EMILY WILDE’S ENCYCLOPAEDIA OF FAERIES by Heather Fawcett

The world-building in this tale of a woman documenting a new kind of faerie is exquisite, and the characters are just as textured and richly drawn. This is the kind of folkloric fantasy that remembers the old, blood-ribboned source material about sacrifices and stolen children, but adds a modern gloss.

ENTER GHOST by Isabella Hammad

In Hammad’s second novel, a British Palestinian actor returns to her hometown in Israel to recover from a breakup and spend time with her family. Instead, she’s talked into joining a staging of “Hamlet” in the West Bank, where she has a political awakening.

FORBIDDEN NOTEBOOK by Alba de Céspedes

A best-selling novelist and prominent anti-Fascist in her native Italy, de Céspedes has lately fallen into unjust obscurity. Translated by Ann Goldstein, this elegant novel from the 1950s tells the story of a married mother, Valeria, whose life is transformed when she begins keeping a secret diary.

THE FRAUD by Zadie Smith

Based on a celebrated 19th-century trial in which the defendant was accused of impersonating a nobleman, Smith’s novel offers a vast panoply of London and the English countryside, and successfully locates the social controversies of an era in a handful of characters.

FROM FROM by Monica Youn

In her fourth book of verse, a svelte, intrepid foray into American racism, Youn turns a knowing eye on society’s love-hate relationship with what it sees as the “other.”

A GUEST IN THE HOUSE by Emily Carroll

After a lonely young woman marries a mild-mannered widower and moves into his home, she begins to wonder how his first wife actually died. This graphic novel alternates between black-and-white and overwhelming colors as it explores the mundane and the horrific.

THE HEAVEN & EARTH GROCERY STORE by James McBride

McBride’s latest, an intimate, big-hearted tale of community, opens with a human skeleton found in a well in the 1970s, and then flashes back to the past, to the ’20s and ’30s, to explore the town’s Black, Jewish and immigrant history.

HELLO BEAUTIFUL by Ann Napolitano

In her radiant fourth novel, Napolitano puts a fresh spin on the classic tale of four sisters and the man who joins their family. Take “Little Women,” move it to modern-day Chicago, add more intrigue, lots of basketball and a different kind of boy next door and you’ve got the bones of this thoroughly original story.

A HISTORY OF BURNING by Janika Oza

This remarkable debut novel tells the story of an extended Indo-Ugandan family that is displaced, settled and displaced again.

HOLLY by Stephen King

The scrappy private detective Holly Gibney (who appeared in “The Outsider” and several other novels) returns, this time taking on a missing-persons case that — in typical King fashion — unfolds into a tale of Dickensian proportions.

A HOUSE FOR ALICE by Diana Evans

This polyphonic novel traces one family’s reckoning after the patriarch dies in a fire, as his widow, a Nigerian immigrant, considers returning to her home country and the entire family re-examines the circumstances of their lives.

THE ILIAD by Homer

Emily Wilson’s propulsive new translation of the “Iliad” is buoyant and expressive; she wants this version to be read aloud, and it would certainly be fun to perform.

INK BLOOD SISTER SCRIBE by Emma Törzs

The sisters in Törzs's delightful debut have been raised to protect a collection of magic books that allow their keepers to do incredible things. Their story accelerates like a fugue, ably conducted to a tender conclusion.

KAIROS by Jenny Erpenbeck

This tale of a torrid, yearslong relationship between a young woman and a much older married man — translated from the German by Michael Hofmann — is both profound and moving.

KANTIKA by Elizabeth Graver

Inspired by the life of Graver’s maternal grandmother, this exquisitely imagined family saga spans cultures and continents as it traces the migrations of a Sephardic Jewish girl from turn-of-the-20th-century Constantinople to Barcelona, Havana and, finally, Queens, N.Y.

LAND OF MILK AND HONEY by C Pam Zhang

Zhang’s lush, keenly intelligent novel follows a chef who’s hired to cook for an “elite research community” in the Italian Alps, in a not-so-distant future where industrial-agricultural experiments in America’s heartland have blanketed the globe in a crop-smothering smog.

LONE WOMEN by Victor LaValle

The year is 1915, and the narrator of LaValle’s horror-tinged western has arrived in Montana to cultivate an unforgiving homestead. She’s looking for a fresh start as a single Black woman in a sparsely populated state, but the locked trunk she has in stow holds a terrifying secret.

MONICA by Daniel Clowes

In Clowes’s luminous new work, the titular character, abandoned by her mother as a child, endures a life of calamities before resolving to learn about her origins and track down her parents.

THE MOST SECRET MEMORY OF MEN by Mohamed Mbougar Sarr

Based on a true story and translated by Lara Vergnaud, Sarr’s novel — about a Senegalese writer brought low by a plagiarism scandal — asks sharp questions about the state of African literature in the West.

THE NEW NATURALS by Gabriel Bump

In Bump’s engrossing new novel, a young Black couple, mourning the loss of their newborn daughter and disillusioned with the world, start a utopian society — but tensions both internal and external soon threaten their dreams.

NORTH WOODS by Daniel Mason

Mason’s novel looks at the occupants of a single house in Massachusetts over several centuries, from colonial times to present day. An apple farmer, an abolitionist, a wealthy manufacturer: The book follows these lives and many others, with detours into natural history and crime reportage.

NOT EVEN THE DEAD by Juan Gómez Bárcena

An ex-conquistador in Spanish-ruled, 16th-century Mexico is asked to hunt down an Indigenous prophet in this novel by a leading writer in Spain, splendidly translated by Katie Whittemore. The epic search stretches across much of the continent and, as the author bends time and history, lasts centuries.

THE NURSERY by Szilvia Molnar

“I used to be a translator and now I am a milk bar.” So begins Molnar’s brilliant novel about a new mother falling apart within the four walls of her apartment.

OUR SHARE OF NIGHT by Mariana Enriquez

This dazzling, epic narrative, translated from the Spanish by Megan McDowell, is a bewitching brew of mystery and myth, peopled by mediums who can summon “the Darkness” for a secret society of wealthy occultists seeking to preserve consciousness after death.

PINEAPPLE STREET by Jenny Jackson

Jackson’s smart, dishy debut novel embeds readers in an upper-crust Brooklyn Heights family — its real estate, its secrets, its just-like-you-and-me problems. Does money buy happiness? “Pineapple Street” asks a better question: Does it buy honesty?

THE REFORMATORY by Tananarive Due

Due’s latest — about a Black boy, Robert, who is wrongfully sentenced to a fictionalized version of Florida’s infamous and brutal Dozier School — is both an incisive examination of the lingering traumas of racism and a gripping, ghost-filled horror novel. “The novel’s extended, layered denouement is so heart-smashingly good, it made me late for work,” Randy Boyagoda wrote in his review. “I couldn’t stop reading.”

THE SAINT OF BRIGHT DOORS by Vajra Chandrasekera

Trained to kill by his mother and able to see demons, the protagonist of Chandrasekera’s stunning and lyrical novel flees his destiny as an assassin and winds up in a politically volatile metropolis.

SAME BED DIFFERENT DREAMS by Ed Park

Double agents, sinister corporations, slasher films, U.F.O.s — Park’s long-awaited second novel is packed to the gills with creative elements that enliven his acerbic, comedic and lyrical odyssey into Korean history and American paranoia.

TAKE WHAT YOU NEED by Idra Novey

This elegant novel resonates with implication beyond the taut contours of its central story line. In Novey’s deft hands, the complex relationship between a young woman and her former stepmother hints at the manifold divisions within America itself.

THIS OTHER EDEN by Paul Harding

In his latest novel, inspired by the true story of a devastating 1912 eviction in Maine that displaced an entire mixed-race fishing community, Harding turns that history into a lyrical tale about the fictional Apple Island on the cusp of destruction.

TOM LAKE by Ann Patchett

Locked down on the family’s northern Michigan cherry orchard, three sisters and their mother, a former actress whose long-ago summer fling went on to become a movie star, reflect on love and regret in Patchett’s quiet and reassuring Chekhovian novel.

THE UNSETTLED by Ayana Mathis

This novel follows three generations across time and place: a young mother trying to create a home for herself and her son in 1980s Philadelphia, and her mother, who is trying to save their Alabama hometown from white supremacists seeking to displace her from her land.

VICTORY CITY by Salman Rushdie

Rushdie’s new novel recounts the long life of Pampa Kampana, who creates an empire from magic seeds in 14th-century India. Her world is one of peace, where men and women are equal and all faiths welcome, but the story Rushdie tells is of a state that forever fails to live up to its ideals.

WE COULD BE SO GOOD by Cat Sebastian

This queer midcentury romance — about reporters who meet at work, become friends, move in together and fall in love — lingers on small, everyday acts like bringing home flowers with the groceries, things that loom large because they’re how we connect with others.

WESTERN LANE by Chetna Maroo

In this polished and disciplined debut novel, an 11-year-old Jain girl in London who has just lost her mother turns her attention to the game of squash — which in Maroo’s graceful telling becomes a way into the girl’s grief.

WITNESS by Jamel Brinkley

Set in Brooklyn, and featuring animal rescue workers, florists, volunteers, ghosts and UPS workers, Brinkley’s new collection meditates on what it means to see and be seen.

Y/N by Esther Yi

In this weird and wondrous novel, a bored young woman in thrall to a boy band buys a one-way ticket to Seoul.

YELLOWFACE by R.F. Kuang

Kuang’s first foray outside of the fantasy genre is a breezy and propulsive tale about a white woman who achieves tremendous literary success by stealing a manuscript from a recently deceased Asian friend and passing it off as her own.