#technically this is more about being nonbinary than bisexual but those both have a lot in common

[smolbeanie1221]

Being aroace spec can be so confusing

My first relationship was with a girl, and I kinda just went along with what she wanted to do bc I figured, well she’s enjoying it so I must be enjoying this too… I didn’t mind anything we did, I just didn’t care or think about it.

Second relationship was with a guy, and at this point my mom had made me feel incredibly guilty for having been with a girl before, joys of being afab in a religious family and the first person you date is a girl. And he was… definitely pushy. Again tho, I just went along with it bc I figured, well he wants to do this and I just have to be bi so there’s a chance I’ll be a normal girl and end up with a guy someday so I have to be enjoying this too… Yeah I definitely was feeling a lot of pressure there.

At this point, I had not felt actual sexual attraction towards anyone, and I don’t think I was ever romantically in love with either of those people.

Third relationship was with a guy who was also one of my best friends. We were kinda dating for a summer and it was a better relationship than the previous, but in the end we went back to just being friends and it was better that way.

At this point, I’m very confused, but I discover this wonderful thing called ASEXUALITY. And everything suddenly made sense. Except for one small thing.

Fourth relationship that never actually became a relationship. I was in some type of love with a different best friend, I would say demi/sapio-romantic (romantically attracted because of both an emotional and mind connection basically). But he was definitely aromantic, but allosexual. I was romantically attracted to him, but asexual… right??? For years I was confused because I wanted an actual official relationship and I would’ve been more than okay with sleeping with him. But… that can’t be sexual attraction?? I’m ace?? Right?? Ahhhhhh. Yeah so I was very confused around him. Turns out, I’m actually demi-ace, but I didn’t realize that until years later after I lost contact with him, and I’ve been too scared to reach out to him lol. Anyways I have a gf now anyways. And that’s been the only time that the demi part of my ace-ness has come out, pun intended lol.

Actual fourth relationship. Definitely romantic and completely non-sexual. Really good relationship for over a year, and that partner helped me become more comfortable with my gender identity and we both were ace and it was really good for a while. It just wasn’t a relationship that was built to grow, so eventually we drifted apart.

Fifth relationship. A non-romantic and non-sexual relationship. Lasted less than a year, but made me realize that I was also aro spec bc being in a relationship that did not have romantic or sexual expectations felt so comfortable and right.

Sixth relationship. The one that broke my heart. My other best friend in that time frame, we were incredibly close and bonded over everything, from our mental health struggles to books to sheetz runs to everything. Eventually we officially were boyfriends in a qpr. They were my number one person for so long, my life partner. There was never anything romantic or sexual, but we loved each other deeply. Until life happened and they changed and I had to break up with them and got my heart broken.

All of these took place from late middle school to early college by the way. I went from, oh I’m a girl and I like girls! To, shit I can’t like girls so I have to like boys too bc I have to be bisexual at least. To, ohhhh so I can actually not want to sleep with people and that’s normal too?? So I’m nonbinary and asexual? That makes sense. To, why why if I’m ace would I be more than okay sleeping with him??? To, huh i think I’m aro spec too. To, okay I’m definitely aro spec, probably demi-aro technically and… probably demi-ace too? Yeah that’s probably right.

At the same time, I didn’t feel as tho romantic was necessarily the right word for me. I mean I’ve experienced romantic attraction I think, but it usually felt kinda forced by either my partner’s expectations or by society’s expectations. I think that’s why my non-romantic non-sexual relationships felt so comfortable to me, bc there wasn’t any of that expectation. I have no freaking idea what romantic attraction really feels like to me. I’ve experienced it I think (??), but for several reasons including outside expectations and general-emotional-processing-issues at those times, I have a hard time knowing any emotions I was feeling at that time in my life. The “butterflies” and “spacey eyed” and “gooey lovey” feelings I felt could’ve been romantic, sure. But they could’ve also been someone who was heavily emotionally repressed all their life just being happy to have someone that they loved who loved them back and getting excited over how cute they were and enjoying their rambles and just generally being happy with someone and also liking some physical contact like hugs and cuddles bc physical touch is their love language with everyone and they like hugs with everyone they care about, and it wasn’t necessarily romantic…..

I get a similar feeling to “butterflies” when I’m nervous about something or excited to see someone in my family I haven’t seen for a while bc I love them and am excited and happy. Not necessarily a “romantic indicator”. I get “spacey eyed” all the time, and usually it’s bc I’m obsessing over my latest fanfic idea. Again, not a “romantic indicator”. I get “gooey lovey” feelings when I see an adorable animal, when someone in my family or close friend group does something really sweet for me or I’m really happy to see them or I get a hug from anyone I love. Once again, not a “romantic indicator”.

Because of all this, I have settled on alterous as my general term for the type of attraction I have with people I have or wanted to date. Alterous to me means this: “I want to be with you and talk with you and do everything with you, I just don’t care how it looks for us or how we categorize ourselves.” I would also attach romance-inclined or sex-inclined as a prefix type thing when applicable. Fourth relationship that never actually happened? Sex and romance-inclined alterous. Fourth actual relationship? Romance-inclined alterous. This doesn’t actually mean that I will feel romantic or sexual attraction or interest or desire with someone, but I may be inclined to want aspects of that type of relationship and I might have those actual feelings from time to time.

The partner that I have now, seventh relationship for those counting lol. This relationship feels stronger and better than any that I’ve had in the past. There’s no pressure or expectation about sex, and she knows that I’m on the aro spectrum, so there’s no romantic pressure either. At the same time, I love the romantic type aspects we have, but I can’t with any certainty say that my feelings are romantic, or at least not romantic all the time. But I feel about her differently than I have about anyone else. There’s several possible reasons, but one main thing I think is that I’m now in a healthier place emotionally so I can better feel and process all my emotions, including my feelings towards her.

Anyways, at this point I would say I’m aroace spec. Demi-altrose (alterous, romantic, sexual).

[dee-in-the-box]

happy pride month, y'all! have some pride headcanons!!

none of these people are straight and/or cis to me. they've all got some weird queerness going on with them

Jack: transmasc (he/him mostly, but probably wouldn't mind they/them that much), bisexual. could see him being acespec, but sex favorable or indifferent. polyamorous.

Dave: nonbinary in a "i don't understand gender and idgaf about it" way (he/him, but honestly doesn't care. probably would find out about it/its pronouns and love those), pansexual. teach this guy about xenogenders i think he'd love those too. polyamorous (i can see it).

Peter: transfem bigender (he/she), and honestly doesn't know what her sexuality would be considering his weird gender situation (look, he grew up in the 50s-60s. the most exposure to the queer community she had was through Jack, and that wasn't. A Lot). me personally? i'd say lesbian. because Fuck It, Why Not?

Dee: technically cis because she never got to grow up and figure that stuff out (she/her), but i could see her growing up and being on the spectrum of GNC or Genderqueer (the genderqueer part is Definitely not me projecting (< lie)). also aroace (repulsed on both ends)

Henry: cis man (he/him; the first entirely cis person here), bisexual. listen. i heard that thing that was like. DD originally said he was bi but then changed it to straight after getting hate for it for some reason, and i decided to make it a situation where Henry just like. Acknowledged it was a thing for him but didn't really give any fucks because he busy Committing Crimes Against Humanity. everyone thinks he's straight though, 'cause he never mentions it (again, busy with Other Things. such as Causing Problems).

Steven: cis man (he/him), gay. This Is The Shortest Fucking One. also, Steven is the shortest adult of the cast; he's 5'5".

Harry: masc nonbinary dude (he/they), bisexual, polyamorous.

Jake: cis man (he/him), graysexual panromantic, polyamorous.

Roger: probably got some genderfuckery there, but i'll just say A Dude (gender neutral) for now (he/him), gay (as in Likes Men Or Masc-Leaning People), polyamorous. didn't realize the Gay & Poly Part until Dsaf 3. You'll Never Guess How He Found Out!

Rebecca: transfem (she/they/xe), and just queer in general. not exactly poly, but she doesn't mind Harry's...other partners (Jake and Roger). it's sort of a "This is my boyfriend, and this is my boyfriend's boyfriends! ^-^" situation.

and for a few others:

Caroline: cis woman (she/her), cupioromantic (aromantic micro-label; basically means that you don't feel romantic attraction, but still desire a romantic relationship) heterosexual. she still loves Peter, her love just isn't necessarily "romantic." i'd describe it more like queerplatonic. she got married to Peter because she does genuinely care for him and love him, but also because...well, it was what was expected of her. besides, she doesn't mind being married, it's actually pretty nice. Caroline's as close as y'all are going to get to a cishet Dsaf character from these headcanons.

Matt: transmasc agender (he/him), aroace (romance indifferent/favorable (see: "I'm Matt! Everybody loves me!"), sex indifferent/repulsed (do i even need to explain it? i think we know why this was what i picked for him).

now, fun facts!!

Jack actually doesn't experience a lot of dysphoria, just upset that he doesn't have a dick. he doesn't even mind the boobs too much (except that they make people think he's a woman; that part sucks), he'd probably just like a binder. wouldn't mind top surgery, but y'know. Binders Are Easier To Get And Cheaper Than That.

Dee is romance repulsed in terms of herself for the most part (as in the idea of being romantic herself grosses her out). except for Davesport. she told Jack and Dave to "get a room" multiple times in the Flipside.

Blackjack technically has the same labels as Jack, but y'know. Ghost Dog.

Henry doesn't understand why so many queer people work at Fazbender's (Jack, Steven, Peter, etc) because he just. keeps killing them. not due to the queerness but because They Keep Getting In His Way. what is it about the Chuck E Cheese rip-offs that attracts the gays?? Is It The Bears?? Is It The Fucking BEARS??? (i had to make the joke. i had to)

Modern Day Queer Discourse would piss Jack off. he was alive in the 60s and 70s when that shit was getting more mainstream. he's effectively a queer elder, technically (even if he kinda sorta Looks perpetually twenty-two because he kinda can't age anymore). he's seen some shit. i can see him saying on someone's "He/Him Lesbians Aren't A Thing >:(" post "my bigender brother is a lesbian, though. he's got a wife" and then logging off. you can't tell me he wouldn't

I Stand By My Statement: None Of The Kennedy Siblings Have A Normal Relationship With Gender. They Just Don't.

Jack just uses a lot of slurs for himself. he's got. So Fucking Many that he can reclaim (because y'know. Gay/Bi and Trans. and he was alive during the 60s and 70s. so you can only imagine the shit he's heard or had thrown at him).

the first time in his life that Dave ever had to worry about gender stuff was when Henry was having to like. fill out paperwork and things like that to get him an ID of some kind. when they got to gender, Dave didn't really know why that was important, nor what would really fit. they just put "male" on there because technically that would "fit him best" (since he, y'know. has a dick), but Dave didn't feel like either option fit.

i feel like Jack went to a pride event/parade sometime before Dsaf 3. like, maybe he finally felt comfortable actually going there and being out safely for the first time in his life. it was nice.

Caroline helped Peter with her makeup after she came out, and with growing his hair out.

after coming home post-Dsaf 2, Peter actually tried some dresses out. they also found out a way to still put eyeliner on him. and that was using a Sharpie to draw under her phone dial to look like eyeliner. hey, it works.

Peter never got comfortable enough to wear lipstick before he died, though :( so she never got to experience that

Jack: "If I had a nickel for every time I was someone's gay awakening, I'd have three nickels. Which isn't a lot, but how does this keep happening-" (the three people in question are Dave, Jake, and Roger)

i have so many more istg, but this post is getting long. might talk about some more if anyone's interested, though!

[boydykedoctor]

Hey hey hey I'm just gonna say the FIRST thing I thought about when I read the passage on weed strains was 'yo is this a bisexuality metaphor' AND THEN I REMEMBERED YOUR POST WHILE IT WAS STILL A WIP I WAS RIIIIGHT anyway your fic is amazing unique show stopping incredible now I'm gonna go congratulate myself on my basic reading comprehension and uhhh yeah go bisexuals

aaaaayyyyyyyy no that's awesome <3

i'm gonna use this ask as an excuse to nerd out rly quick.

(not so) fun fact: it's no coincidence the metaphor works that way either. there's recent marijuana research revealing that there's not much of a difference between what we consider indica and sativa.

those terms are used to describe different effects, but the labels are applied descriptively, not prescriptively (like with most things, including sexuality) based on what the plant looks like. there's not a natural "weed binary" in the same way there's not a natural, universal gender binary. the real difference between all kinds of strains arises from the environment (temp, light, soil—all that fun gardening business). it's sort of like the idea that there are as many gender experiences as there are people. and this is important because you can definitely prefer a certain type of weed, or want something different from moment to moment, etc. etc.

so within this scientific finding, there's a linguistic/cultural way to analyze WHY we end up accepting that there are two distinct species labels for a plant that really is only one species. we make up language to describe what's around us and what we see, and often that language can't actually tell the whole story, but because SOMEONE said "this plant is indica and this one is sativa," a lot of other people said, "yep, okay. that's the way we're going to describe this forever now."

i could be here all day, so i'm going to stop.

[theultimatefanficwriter]

Pride Month Headcanons!

So its Pride Month! And as a proud member of the alphabet mafia I wanna give my opinion on all the Danganronpa characters' sexualities! So let's go, starting with THH!

Trigger Happy Havoc

Makoto Naegi- Pansexual. I'm under the belief all protags are Pan. Transgender(ftm). So I have this whole hc that the reason his door was jammed was that the lock was quickly removed when they found out SHE was actually a HE and I just like the hc lol.

Sayaka Maizono- Straight. I just think she has a big thing for Makoto, but other than that she cares for her career more than a relationship.

Leon Kuwata- Bisexual, heavy female leaning. I ship him with Hiro, but honestly this fucker would probably take forever to admit he likes guys.

Chihiro Fukisaki- Gay. Dont really have a reasoning. Just my opinion lol

Mondo Oowada- Bisexual. He mentions trying to confess to girls, but come on. This guy is fruity for Taka.

Kiyotaka Ishimaru- Gay. This dude meanwhile is just straight homo. He's probably closeted in fear it would bring shame to his family name again.

Hifumi Yamada- Straight. I honestly dont think about the guy enough to give this enough thought, but the way he simps over Celeste proves he likes girls at least. Plus he kept calling Alter Ego she, so...yeah.

Celestia Ludenberg- Straight. Honestly I think she'd be homophobic? Idk i really dislike Celeste, sorry 😅 She just gives me those vibes.

Sakura Oogami- Bisexual. I wanna label her as lesbian, but Kenshiro exists 😒 Women leaning possibly

Kyoko Kirigiri- Bisexual. Though i dont personally ship her with any girls, I can see her going both ways.

Byakuya Togami- Gay. And it's a problem with his family, so he's closeted.

Yasuhiro Hagakure- Pansexual. He just wants to love someone, man lmao.

Aoi Asahina- Bisexual. Again, wanna label her as lesbian, but the Bad End exists, showing she willingly got with three guys. And she does ask Makoto to pretend to be her bf. But she leans heavily towards females imo.

Toko Fukawa/Genocide Jill- Bisexual. It was straight until she met Komaru. Then she realized "Oh shit. I'm gay." But she still has a small thing for Byakuya ig 😒

Mukuro Ikusaba- Straight. We pretend the thing with her sister doesnt exist, alright?

Junko Enoshima- Straight. And definitely homophobic.

Wow a lot of bi peeps lol. Alright, onto the next game!

Goodbye Despair

Hajime Hinata- Pansexual. Again all protags are Pan. Fight me, prove me wrong you literally cant.

Ultimate Imposter- Panromantic, Nonbinary, Asexual. Though I call Imposter he a lot, I think it's almost canon they're nonbinary. I just have stupid brain and type he first without thinking. I also dont really have a reason for thinking they're asexual? I just think they are. But they're probably panromantic in order to fit their talent better.

Teruteru Hanamura- Pansexual. He's so painfully pan. He even says his options are, and I quote, "pretty open." Dis bitch gay.

Mahiru Koizumi- Lesbian. Dont think I gotta explain myself.

Peko Pekoyama- Bisexual. She's totally dating Fuyuhiko, but I can see her having small crushes on other girls.

Hiyoko Saionji- Lesbian. Also dont think I need to explain myself.

Ibuki Mioda- Bisexual. RAGING bisexual. Also I can honestly see her being Gender Fluid as well.

Mikan Tsumiki- Bisexual. She honestly needs therapy more than she needs a relationship, and she probably doesnt really understand her own labels completely, but I think shes bi.

Nekomaru Nidai- Bisexual. Homeboy was a little TOO eager to be rubbed down by Teruteru 😏 Just kidding, though I do think Nekomaru is bi. No real reason honestly

Gundham Tanaka- Bisexual. He obviously has a thing for Sonia, and in a perfect world(i.e. my perfect world) he would be holding hands with Kazuichi daily. Speaking of holding hands he basically breaks Hajime's in the FTEs. Gay 🥰

Nagito Komaeda- Gay. He's very obviously gay coded, mostly towards Hajime though I dont personally ship that.

Chiaki Nanami- Pansexual. She loves everyone equally. Honestly she probably doesnt put too much work on her labels and would probably go by any pronouns as well, so maybe Gender Fluid?

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu- Bisexual. Like Leon I think it would take him a while to accept he likes guys, and he probably leans towards girls more, but he's definitely fruity lol.

Sonia Nevermind- Pansexual. Our girl fucks. She dont care who, she just FUCKS. 🤣 But seriously, I think she just sees love as love. As she should.

Kazuichi Souda- Gay. Transgender, (ftm). He's so very closeted, so badly even he doesnt recognize it. He probably even has internalized homophobia, probably because of his father. Not sure why I hc him as trans, I just think it fits.

Akane Owari- Straight. She probably doesnt think about it much. All she knows is she likes fighting, meat, and Coach Nekomaru.

Alright and onto the last game!

Killing Harmony

Shuichi Saihara- Pansexual, Transgender(ftm). Its. THE RULE. I didnt make it. Sue me. Also fuck it I dunno I think it fits with his whole character if he were trans. Hard to explain lol

Rantaro Amami- Biromantic, Asexual. I admittedly dont know much about Rantaro, but from what I do know, I think he would fit well with just about anyone. I dont have much of a reason for him being Ace.

Kaede Akamatsu- Pansexual. She was the protagonist first, so the rule still applies lol. But even beyond that it just fits her. Hard to explain, it just seems like it works.

Ryoma Hoshi- Straight, Asexual. I know on my ship list I said I shipped him with Gonta, but theres a reason that ship was so low. I heavily think Ryoma is straight. It's just the vibe I get from him. Maybe hes bi curious, but idk. As for the ace bit, it's really dark. I hc it's because of the trauma he endured during prison.

Kirumi Tojo- Lesbian. Idk I look at her and I think "Lesbian power. Powerful wlw moments." Dont ask me my brain just does things.

Angie Yonaga- Pansexual. She always seemed like she was flirting with Himiko and lowkey Tenko, and in the FTEs she straight up wants to get married to Shuichi so like....I dunno what you want me to say.

Tenko Chabashira- Lesbian. Literally no explanation needed.

Korekiyo Shinguji- Pansexual. Putting aside the....obvious....he finds all of humanity beautiful, so he most likely doesnt have a preference when it comes to choosing a partner. Just like with Mukuro we pretend that entire plotline never happened.

Miu Iruma- Pansexual. I see her as pretty open to everyone....Yeah. That's all I got.

Gonta Gokuharu- Bi-curious. Honestly I dont think Gonta knows what he is himself. He probably hasnt given it too much thought, if hes given it any. The best I can think of is bi-curious, assuming hes currently exploring his sexuality.

Kokichi Ouma- Gay. I dont ship him with anyone cause I personally think he'd be a bad partner to anyone he got with based off of his personality, but yeah. He gay lmao.

Kaito Momota- Pansexual. THE LUMINARY OF THE STARS IS FOR EVERYBODY! Probably took a while for him to admit he wasnt straight, but then he admitted it with his whole heart, precious thing.

Tsumugi Shirogane- Straight. Fuck I dunno I dont think about her in a positive light enough to care. Sorry I really tried 😅

Kiibo- Panromantic, Genderfluid, Asexual. Like Imposter, I've called Kiibo he all the time, including every story I put them in, but technically they have no gender. So that does make them nonbinary, but at the same time it leaves the opportunity for them to go by any pronoun they want, so I hc they go by all of them lol. I also think they just love everyone, and for the ace bit, unfortunately, robots probably dont have dicks 😔 Even if they did, I dont think he would be very interested in sex.

Himiko Yumeno- Lesbian. Despite her treatment of Tenko, her reaction at the end of chapter 3 shows she cared for her, and Angie. She probably loved them both, so, lesbian for sure.

Maki Harukawa- Straight. Kaito was probably her first ever crush, so I doubt she ever had a chance to feel out if she was anything other than straight. Even disregarding that, I dont think she'd be anything else.

Alright and those are my headcanons for all the Danganronpa characters! As a bonus, I think Komaru Naegi is a Lesbian! No real reason other than Tokomaru is top tier lol.

Now remember these are my opinions! If you dont agree that's fine! Just be kind!

And HAPPY PRIDE EVERYONE! 🥰🏳️‍🌈

[tundrainafrica]

hi, maybe you're tired about this kind of convie regarding hange's gender but i really need your opinion. is it that wrong if i consider hange as a she? istg i'm not anythingphobic, i'm just still stuck with female hange in anime. i stan aot since 2013 and felt just fine to open up about my preference in hange's gender but lately, considering hange as a she is like the most sinful thing in the whole planet and even being attacked and i don't know what to feel about it. 😩

Thank you for the ask anon! 

Lmao, I am tired of this discourse but I’ve kinda accepted that it’s never gonna end really so I’m still happy to give you my opinion about this again. 

I have written about it here.

Before I go into this long ramble again I’d like to clarify some terms which tend to pepper the discourse of gender, sexuality etc etc etc. 

Biological Sex: What genitalia where you born with? Either born male, female or with both genitalia. 

Gender: What do you identify as? CIS, Trans, Nonbinary etc.

Sexuality: Who are you attracted to? Homosexual, Heterosexual, Bisexual, Asexual, Pansexual etc. 

Gender roles: Where do you fall on the gradient? Feminine, Masculine etc. 

And the point of this is, the discourse on gender is soooo complicated. Like very complicated because Hange being interpreted as NB to some people only covers the question of gender. Like these do not cover every other facet of the gender sexuality discourse. 

Because everything up there is ‘mutually exclusive’ to a degree because everyone is so complex. Like you can take a random option in each of those, fit it together in our heads and you would still come up with a realistic person. Because that is how complex human beings are. I have friends who decided to get a boyfriend, realized they were trans, transitioned to male but had both boyfriends and girlfriends. I have a butch lesbian friend who dated a few guys then decided to date girls then decided to transition. You have me who literally tried everything on the sexuality spectrum, crushed on a few girls in high school, crushed on a few more girls in college, thought I was asexual for a while, fell in love with a guy and realized I love dick. 

You can actually have a biological male who identifies as nonbinary but is bisexual  but has feminine tendencies. 

And that’s why even I find it so confusing to address the issue of non binary Hange vs female Hange. Because they are not even in the same bracket. Like we can have a non binary female feminine bisexual Hange all at the same time if you think about it. 

If you have read all my fics and all of my meta about Hange, you would see that I refer to her as a ‘she,’ but at the same time, I do not portray Hange as overly feminine. I headcanon that Hange has tried dating women and I also head canon that Hange has female genitalia (yo, I write preggo Hange fics). She actually falls somewhere in the middle. And what makes the gender part so hard to consider is because usually whether someone decides to identify as CIS, NB or Trans is up to the person. 

And there are just so many other hcs I want to tackle as a fanfiction writer and as a Hange stan beyond her gender and that’s why I don’t really headcanon the whole discovery part because even as a kid, I have never been so particular about my gender. I know I’m a biologically a woman, I have feminine and masculine tendencies. I have loved both men and women. but gender just seemed like just a decision which I just didn’t want to think too hard about.

I mean where I live, my first language doesn’t have gender pronouns so I can avoid the whole discourse altogether by just using Tagalog. I’m the type of person who will just have this person think I’m a man all the way until they meet me because I just wanna get things done and I feel no need to correct people. My first crushes were all women, despite my being a woman and the first people I have ever loved were women and I didn’t want to decide whether I was bisexual, heterosexual, homosexual etc. yet because even teenage me just found it way too complex and too final and just went around saying I liked this girl or I liked this guy and generally because I’m that type of person, I don’t spend a lot of my time thinking about gender even in a fandom space unless somebody asks.   

And does it make me homophobic/LGBT-phobic etc etc for deciding to use ‘she’ and deciding to tackle questions about Hange beyond her gender? No. Like this conclusion is inherently flawed. I was hella gay for a huge point in my life. 99% of my crushes were women. Then there was this period where I didn’t enjoy romance The only guy irl I have ever crushed on is my current boyfriend. But even when I explored my own gender, sexuality, it was always an ‘in the back of my mind’ thing. I didn’t have huge personal metas about what exactly my gender was or where exactly I fall or what pronouns I prefer.

And nobody is obliged to look so deep into this discourse. The important thing is in real life, we respect people’s pronouns, we respect the names they want to go by and we respect people’s preferences (as long as they aren’t dangerously criminal.)

And the thing is, this isn’t even real life. This is a fandom space. And in a fandom space, everyone is literally interpreting characters however they want. We have people literally pairing off Levi with both men and women and technically we’re assuming Levi’s gender, sexuality etc. Sure it might diverge from canon but does that make our headcanon any less than the others? Like Levi’s sexuality has never been confirmed and technically we’re all just assuming what kind of person Levi would have wanted to fuck right? Like every yaoi pairing, every ship is just fans assuming someones gender, assuming someone’s sexuality. 

And sure people could argue, ‘Yams’ didn’t confirm her gender. But Yam’s didn’t confirm anyone’s sexuality either but here we are pairing Mikasa off with Annie then pairing Mikasa off with Eren. Like same energy with ships, are there ships which are inherently superior to others? And technically, I could headcanon Levi as a woman if I wanted to and no one could stop me. I mean sure let’s celebrate that some of our headcanon and preferences have been acknowledged but what battle are we trying to win here really. 

To answer your question, it is not wrong. Having any opinion and having whatever headcanon you have about any fandom in this space is not wrong.

Sure, Hange is a comfort character to many people for various reasons. Hange is a comfort character for me but Hange is not any single person’s comfort character. Hange is a gift to us by Yams to interpret and play with however we want. Hell, every other character we’ve ever grown to love was a gift to all of us by the author. And we can choose to hc them however we want. That is the magic of fandoms.

If I wanted to, I could make some eruri and ereri mpreg fics for the kicks, I could interpret Levi as every single gender, sexuality on the spectrum and it would be just as valid. I mean I won’t because I don’t jive with those headcanons or those types of ships but I would respect people who have those types of preferences.

This space is free for everyone. We can choose what we want to consume and we can choose how we want to interpret characters. 

The only responsibility we have as fans is to use the right warnings when we post shit and to respect everybody else’s preferences. 

What I would consider ‘sinful’ is just dropping some unnecessary hate into a place which is supposed to be our safe space or pushing an agenda or an opinion and being hateful about it in the process. Like sure, spread your agenda, spread your opinions and your headcanons but please be nice about it.

We’re all just sad people trying to survive in this crapsack world.

[haledamage]

OC Questionnaire

I was tagged by @actualanxiousswampwitch and not so much tagged as challenged by @queen-scribbles​ :P 

I am tagging/challenging you both back if you have more OCs you want to talk about, plus anyone else who has an OC you want to talk about! really, I want to know about your muses, please share them with me <3

I decided to go with Lexi from Mind Blind because she’s currently my most vocal muse, as well as Ari because I realized I’ve never done one of these for her? not sure how that happened

Lexi Wiseman

GENERAL

name: Alexandria Jane Wiseman

alias(es): Lexi, Lex, Button, Cadet Wiseman

gender: cis female

age: 20

place of birth: Chicago, Illinois

spoken languages: English, sarcasm, probably some coding language? took Spanish and German in high school, but really only remembers how to count to ten and ask where the library is

sexual orientation: bi bi bi

occupation: student at Unity’s Aeon Academy

APPEARANCE

eye colour: hazel

hair colour: brown

height: 5′8”

scars: not any major ones? She scars really easy, so even little things like paper cuts leave a scar, but except for things like that and old scars from scraped knees and elbows as a kid, Lexi doesn’t really have any scars worth mentioning. (or as Lex would say, “my scars are all mental ;)”)

burns: not really many burn scars either. a small and perfectly circular one on the inside of her right ring finger (accidentally bumped into the lit end of a cigarette), a faded line on her right calf from grazing the exhaust pipe of a motorcycle, but that’s really it

overweight: No

underweight: No

FAVOURITE

colour: green, especially darker ones like hunter green or forest green

music genre: loves music, all kinds. most of the covers she does are older pop songs, the songs that have made it into the collective consciousness, but she will listen to or sing anything :)

movie genre: action. loves a superhero movie and not afraid to admit it.

tv show: don’t think she’s much of a tv person. more likely listens to podcasts or watches twitch streams/youtube shows. I feel like she’d be a big Buzzfeed Unsolved fan. occasionally enjoys a cooking competition show like Chopped or Iron Chef, something you can enjoy without having to commit to it. Watches them with Nick because his commentary is the best part.

pastime: music (plays guitar and piano/keyboard, and knows her way around a sampler/MIDI controller), video games (especially fps, co-op or team-based online games preferred)

food: anything Nick cooks, but especially cinnamon pumpkin cookies

drink: cherry coke, sweet iced tea, iced white mocha

book: she’s not a really big reader (not that she doesn’t enjoy it, she just has other ways she’d rather spend her time), but she’ll read just about anything on the occasion she has time to. adventure, romance, mystery, poetry, whatever. really enjoys sci-fi especially, and comic books!

HAVE THEY

passed university: she didn’t go to college per se, since Aeon isn’t technically a college so much as a very particular and multi-year job training course, but she took a few courses at the local community college. Computer programming, music theory, whatever struck her fancy. Probably found something weird that she’ll never need in real life just for the hell of it.

had sex: no

had sex in public: no

gotten pregnant: no

kissed a boy: yes

kissed a girl: yes

gotten tattoos: no, but she wants one. eventually. once she settles on a design

had a broken heart: sure, in lots of different ways. the situation with her mom could certainly be considered heart-breaking...

been in love: she would deny it if you asked her, but yes. Very yes.

stayed up for longer than 24 hours: sure, yeah, why not? sleep is overrated anyway

ARE THEY

a virgin: yes. look, when you live with your brother who is a mind-reader and you have literally no way to stop loudly projecting your thoughts, sex is a tricky and awkward situation. better to just avoid it until someone comes along that’s worth it.

a cuddler: yes, very much so. Maybe a little touch-starved, despite Nick and Sally’s efforts. Someone please give her a hug.

a kisser: sometimes

scared easily: startles easily, but doesn’t actually frighten easily

jealous easily: not really. envy, on the other hand...

trustworthy: yes, but she’ll be the first to tell you not to tell her any secrets. She can’t promise what people can hear from her thoughts

dominant: not really. Can be assertive, but prefers to kind of go with the flow

submissive: not really submissive either, though maybe leans more toward it than toward dominant

in love: with her brother’s best friend. Has been for years now, expects she will be for the foreseeable future. She accepts that she will spend her life pining from afar. It’s not like Gray could ever feel the same, right?

single: yep

RANDOM QUESTIONS

have they harmed themselves: nope

thought of suicide: I don’t think so

attempted suicide: no

Wanted to kill someone: no

rode a horse: nope

have / had a job: her situation makes it a little difficult to work normal jobs. I would imagine she makes money through patreon with her music, and she will eventually have a job at Unity as a MIV, once she finishes at Aeon

have any fears: loss of control (again), not being good enough, abandonment, rejection (specifically being rejected for things she can’t change; she’s fine if people don’t like her for her personality, some people just have bad taste)

FAMILY

sibling(s): older brother Nick, relationship status: besties against all odds

Parents: John and Hope Wiseman, relationship status: fucking complicated

children: none, she is baby

pets: none

---

Aurienne the Sparrow

GENERAL

name: Aurienne the Sparrow. She had a last name once, but she doesn’t remember it.

alias(es): Ari, Little Bird, The Sparrow Queen

gender: nonbinary female/demigirl

age: 23

place of birth: Andoran, she assumes. It’s the first place she remembers living, at the very least.

spoken languages: Common, Elvish, a little Celestial thanks to her sister

sexual orientation: bisexual

occupation: Queen of the Stolen Lands, somehow

APPEARANCE

eye colour: light gray

hair colour: black

height: 5′10”

scars: a thin but deep and ragged scar across her throat that she normally keeps covered by a scarf or choker or high collar; arrow puncture in her left shoulder; long line on her inner right thigh from a greatsword that almost cut her leg off entirely; a few other minor ones

burns: a few on her fingertips from accidents with her flaming crossbow

overweight: No

underweight: No

FAVOURITE

colour: gold

music genre: punk and all its subgenres :)

movie genre: she loves a musical, all musicals

tv show: dramas and monster of the week shows. wants a tv show that’ll make her cry

pastime: music (when she’s feeling confident enough to give it a try again, which is… a work in progress), reading, silly but harmless pranks. Loves to meditate a surprising amount, just sit in silent contemplation.

food: samosas, lemon macarons

drink: matcha latte with white chocolate syrup

book: has a deep and unending love of poetry

HAVE THEY

passed university: nope, didn’t go to school

had sex: yes

had sex in public: …...perhaps

gotten pregnant: nope

kissed a boy: yes

kissed a girl: yes

gotten tattoos: yes, seven sparrows down her spine. recently, the one on the back of her neck got a tiny little crown over its head :)

had a broken heart: yes

been in love: yes

stayed up for longer than 24 hours: yes, but rarely

ARE THEY

a virgin: nope

a cuddler: sort of? I think she wants to be, but is scared to let herself be vulnerable like that. Will happily cuddle with anyone who initiates, though

a kisser: not really, unless she’s in a mood

scared easily: yes, but hides it well

jealous easily: nope

trustworthy: very

dominant: not really. Prefers to let others take the reins (probably not the best trait for a queen, but as she is quick to tell people, being in charge was never her idea)

submissive: most of the time. Probably a big part of why she and Tristian took so long to get together...

in love: yes, with a literal angel

single: she’s not sure??? like, they haven’t really made anything official yet, but no one would ever look at the two of them together and not think they’re a couple. they should probably have a talk about that soon

RANDOM QUESTIONS

have they harmed themselves: no

thought of suicide: yes

attempted suicide: no

Wanted to kill someone: yes

rode a horse: yes

have / had a job: former mercenary/adventurer, former baroness, currently queen of the Stolen Lands? She’s still not entirely sure how that happened

have any fears: helplessness, losing those she loves, being silenced (again)

FAMILY

sibling(s): twin sister, Auriel the Dove

parents: both deceased (I should probably name them at some point…)

children: none. Maybe someday...

pets: an owlcat named Headchomper, a red panda named Ember, an orange tabby cat named Tiger, a giant black wolf named Baron who is technically her sister’s animal companion and also technically her nephew

[latter-day-saint-nick]

Here‘s a list of all the books with queer protagonists I’ve read this year. While I do actively seek those out, there are several books on here that I didn’t know had queer themes when I picked them up from the library and then I was pleasantly surprised by lesbians. I‘ll avoid spoilers except when discussing trigger warnings.

 Kaleidoscope Song by Fox Benwell

Neo, a South African teenager, is obsessed with music of any kind. Her love of music brings her together with the singer of a local band and they have a passionate relationship that they must keep secret. The descriptions of Neo‘s life and her tendency to hear music in everything are beautiful and dynamic. The author included a list of the songs Neo is listening to throughout the book, so I was introduced to a lot of cool music from South Africa and other places. TW: Corrective rape and Bury Your Gays. This is a book by a queer (albeit white British, rather than black South African) author writing about a very real problem that exists within our communities, so it feels different to when a cishet author kills off a queer character just for shock value. I still can‘t help feeling that he could have made the same point without having the character die – just have her be injured. Still, I loved pretty much everything else about the book, so it gets a tentative recommendation from me.

The Mermaid’s Daughter by Ann Claycomb

25-year-old opera student Kathleen tries to cope with the constant pain in her feet, nightmares about having her tongue cut out, and desperate yearning for the sea. With the help of her girlfriend Harry she delves into her family history to uncover the secret of a curse spanning generations of women. What’s nice about this book is that Kathleen and Harry’s relationship is accepted by all their family and friends without question, so if you want to read a nice wlw fantasy story with no homophobia, this one’s for you. TW: Some discussion of suicide, but nothing too graphic.

The Miseducation of Cameron Post by Emily M. Danforth

A teenage lesbian is sent to conversion therapy by her religious aunt. This is basically a coming-of-age story as the title character comes to terms with her identity and the death of her parents. It’s considered an important work of LGBT YA literature, so I really wanted to like it more than I did. Most of the first half of the novel deals with Cameron’s everyday life in her small town in Montana, which was, to be honest, rather boring to me. The pace of the story picks up a bit once she gets sent to conversion therapy, but even then it’s slower and less eventful than I would have liked. But since it is a popular book, that’s probably just me. I did like that the two best friends she makes at the therapy camp are a disabled girl and an indigenous boy, two types of people that are not often represented in queer fiction, so that’s something. TW: Conversion therapy and self-harm.

Proud by Juno Dawson

This is a collection of poems and stories about queerness aimed at a YA audience, and each one is a pure delight! These stories detail moments of joy and pride that make you feel happy and hopeful about being queer. They include a high school retelling of Pride and Prejudice with lesbians, a nonbinary kid and his D&D group on a quest to disrupt the gender binary at their school, a magical phoenix leading a Chinese girl to find love, and gay penguins. All stories, poems and illustrations are by queer writers and artists. Seriously, I cannot recommend this collection enough!

Spellbook of the Lost and Found by Moïra Fowley-Doyle

An Irish magical realist story about three girls who perform a spell to find things that they have lost. The spell appears to have wider consequences than they expected, bringing to light things that should have stayed lost. This book has three narrators, two of whom are wlw. It treads a nice line between fantasy and reality, and has some pretty good plot twists. Also, there’s a crossword at the end, which is awesome. More books should come with crosswords.

Ancillary Justice, Ancillary Sword and Ancillary Mercy by Ann Leckie

A space opera trilogy set in the distant future about the embodiment of a ship’s AI who seeks revenge against the ruler of a colonialist empire who destroyed her ship and killed her beloved captain. This is not beginner’s sci-fi, as it is very complex and intricate, but if you’re fine with a bit of a heavier read, you’ll be rewarded with some very interesting concepts. What makes this series queer is that the Raadch empire has no concept of gender and uses female pronouns for everyone. This makes every romantic relationship queer by default, whether we are aware of the characters’ sexes or not. I found it particularly enjoyable when Breq, the protagonist, tried to communicate in different languages that have gendered pronouns, which she had to navigate carefully in order not to offend people. She tries to look for outward clues of gender, such as hairstyles, chest size, facial hair or Adam’s apples, but even then often gets it wrong, because these things are not always consistent. That is just a great depiction of how arbitrary ideas of binary sexual characteristics tend to be. Also, I guess technically Breq is aroace, but since she’s not human, I’m not sure if she can be considered the best representation, though she is a very likeable character that I enjoyed following.

The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue and The Lady’s Guide to Petticoats and Piracy by Mackenzi Lee

These books are a lot of fun! They’re historical adventure stories with a bit of fantasy thrown in, featuring disaster bisexual Henry Montague, his snarky aroace sister Felicity and his best friend Percy whom he is secretly in love with. In the first book, the three teenagers are sent on a tour of Europe for various reasons, but they quickly abandon the planned route when they get embroiled in a plot involving theft and alchemy. The second book details Felicity’s further attempts to become a doctor, which leads her to reunite with an old friend and chase a tale of fantastical creatures.

The Spy with the Red Balloon by Katherine Locke

Technically I read this one late last year, but whatever. I just wanted to put it on the list to have an excuse to talk about it. It’s about two Jewish siblings with magic powers who are recruited during World War II to take part in a secret project to fight the Nazis. Both siblings turn out to be queer: the brother is gay and demisexual, while the sister is bisexual, and they each have a love interest. This book is an independent prequel to The Girl with the Red Balloon, which takes place in East Berlin during the time of the Wall, and is just as good, albeit not as gay.

We Set the Dark on Fire by Tehlor Kay Mejia

This book tends to be classified as fantasy, because it takes place in an alternate, Latin-American-inspired world, with a distinct history, culture and religion, but there’s no magic at all, so I’m not sure it counts. But I digress. The country of Medio is built on classism and acute xenophobia. But by hiding her status as an illegal immigrant, Daniela, a girl from a poor background, manages to rise to the top of her class at her elite finishing school and become the first wife of one of the most powerful young men in the country. But her new comfortable status is threatened when she is pressured to join a group of rebels who fight for equality. At the same time, she also finds herself falling for her husband’s second wife. Obviously, this book’s political message is very topical, but beyond that, it’s just a very good story, with a well fleshed-out fictional world and great characters. This is the first in a series, with the sequel, We Unleash the Merciless Storm, coming out in February.

All Out: The No Longer Secret Stories of Queer Teens Throughout the Ages by Saundra Mitchell

A very nice collection of short stories about various queer teenagers in different historical settings, from a medieval monastery to an American suburb on New Year’s Eve in 1999. Most of the stories are realist, but there are a few ghosts and witches to be found in-between. What I found particularly notable about this book is that it featured several asexual characters, which you don’t often see in collections like this. I definitely recommend it.

Under the Udala Trees by Chinelo Okparanta

This is a thoughtful, heart-warming life story about a woman growing up during the civil war in Nigeria. After Ijeoma, a Christian Igbo girl, is sent away from home, she finds her first love in Amina, a Muslim Hausa. Even after they are found out and separated, Ijeoma doesn’t quite understand what’s so shameful about their love. Still, as she grows older, she attempts to fit into a heteronormative society while also connecting with the things and people that make her happy. TW: Homophobic violence, including an attack on a gay nightclub. The novel makes up for this by having a remarkably happy ending.

The Watchmaker of Filigree Street by Natasha Pulley

A young man in Victorian London finds a mysterious watch on his pillow, with no idea how it got there. This sets into motion a strange series of events, which leads him to a lonely Japanese watchmaker, to whom he finds himself increasingly drawn. This is an unusual novel that treads the line between historical fiction, fantasy and sci-fi. Most of the characters are morally grey and have complex motivations, but are still likable. I just really enjoy stories that take place in this time period, particularly when they are this thoughtfully written and don’t just take the prejudices of the past for granted.

If I Was Your Girl by Meredith Russo

A YA book about a transgender teenager, written by a transgender author. After her mother decides that she is not safe in her hometown anymore, high school senior Amanda moves in with her dad in a town where nobody knows her and she can try to go stealth. But even as she is making friends and experiencing romance for the first time, she constantly worries about what will happen if her secret comes out. It’s a fairly standard story about being transgender, really, but as it comes from a trans author, it feels a lot more personal and less voyeuristic than these stories tend to be when coming from a cisgender perspective. Amanda is a sympathetic and compelling character. TW: This book deals with a number of upsetting themes, including transphobic violence, being forcibly outed and suicide. There is a flashback to Amanda’s pre-transition suicide attempt, which I found particularly triggering. I also wish she could have come out on her own terms, instead of being outed in front of the whole school by someone she thought she could trust. It is still a pretty good book, but it can be very upsetting at times.

As I Descended by Robin Talley

A loose retelling of Macbeth that takes place in a boarding school in Virginia and involves two queer couples. The supernatural elements of the play are amplified in a wonderfully creepy way, and the characters are complex and realistic, so you understand their motivations, even when they do bad things. TW: Out of the five queer characters in the novel, three die, two of them by suicide.

A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo by Jill Twiss and EG Keller

A charming picture book about the Vice President’s pet bunny who falls in love with another boy bunny and wants to hop around at his side for the rest of his life. This book was written as a screw you to Mike Pence, but even so it is a genuinely nice kid’s book that deals with homosexuality and marriage equality in a way that is appropriate for young children. The illustrations are incredibly cute as well.

Palimpsest by Catherynne M. Valente

A very strange, surreal tale about four people (most of whom are queer in some way) exploring a magical city that you can enter in your dreams by sleeping with someone who has been there before. I wanted to like this one more than I did, because I really love Catherynne Valente’s Fairyland books for children. But while some of the dreamlike imagery is cool and pretty, I found a lot of it weirdly uncomfortable, along with the frequent sex scenes.

The Pearl Thief by Elizabeth Wein

15-year-old Julia is home for the summer at her parents’ ancestral mansion in Scotland and gets involved with a plot about theft, disappearance and possibly murder. She also has her first crushes – on a man working at her parents’ estate and a young Traveller girl, respectively. This is a prequel to Code Name Verity, which has the same protagonist, though her bisexuality isn’t really alluded to in that, which is why I’ve kept it off the list, even though it is an excellent book. The Pearl Thief is pretty good as well, though it is a bit strange to read after you’ve already read Verity and know that this carefree teenage character is going to grow up to be a spy in World War II and be tortured in a Nazi prison. Do read both books, though. They are great.

Gut Symmetries by Jeanette Winterson

A young scientist falls in love with the wife of the man she’s having an affair with. There’s speculation about quantum mechanics and interconnectedness, all wrapped in very poetic language. To be perfectly honest, I really didn’t get it, so I have no idea what any of it means. But at least the main character is bisexual and polyamorous (and possibly genderfluid – I’m not sure).

Queer Africa by Makhosazana Xaba and Karen Martin

A collection of short stories by queer African writers, discussing themes like love, sex, marriage, family and homophobia. The attitudes towards queerness in these different countries varies. In many of them, homosexuality is illegal, even though same-sex relationships used to be respected before the interference of Western colonialism. In any case, these stories are an interesting and oftentimes beautiful examination of queerness from a non-Western point of view, some joyous and some tragic. TW: The second to last story is about incest.

[theinsanecrayonbox]

Digging your tabletop pride icons! I like the filter effect they have! :-) Do you by any chance have a textpost of the characters and their sexual orientations/gender identities? I recognise some of your characters, but not all of them, and there are pride flags I've never seen before, so I'd like to learn more. :-)

well thank you. it was just a bit of photoshop work.

i do not have a list of that made up yet...so lets do that now lol

let me preface this though with two points.; 1) i am 1 of 2 females who play regularly in my dnd group of 6 (sometimes 7) people, the other is Dixon. so i am usually the only female in the party itself. i have only ever played 2 (and a half) male characters in the 6/7 years i’ve been playing; every other male character i do in my tabletop group arts are story characters, not player characters. i am also 1 of 2 (sometimes 3) people in the group under 40. romance isn’t really a big part of our storytelling...no matter how hard i try to put it back in there ^^; 2) i identify as quoisexual myself, so all my characters have that to some degree in them just because i’m the player and you bleed into your characters that way. i also use goggle as a helpful tool to learn about all the different identities, so my knowledge and interpretation is fallible.

ok so list now;

Paige-Cupioromantic, meaning does not feel attraction, but desires that type of relationship i went with this, because Paige....well...is Paige lol. as one player once said “it feels wrong trying to date her, because she acts so young and innocent” and to be fair, she isn’t really out here looking at people as romantic partners. she wants friends, she loves her friends. also you know, mortal embodiment of an eldritch horror terror, so...

Cizma-Fraysexual, meaning has strong attraction until a relationship is formed and then the attraction fades she’s the opposite of Paige, and this is mostly based on her “relationship” with InkShade honestly; she believes she’s madly in love with him, but he refuses her, so she pursues him more. i think if he gave into hr advances and reciprocated, she’d realized her feelings weren’t what she thought they were. i admit, this one’s new to me so my interpretation could be very wrong, but that’s how i feel it fits Cizma.

Ada-Quoisexual, meaning has trouble distinguishing between romantic and sexual attraction as i said above, my default is this, so if i don’t know a character’s leanings it’s their too (yes jelena is my icon and is this too fyi). BUT in fairness, it suits Ada because of how she was raised; she has very little idea how to properly people here. and she is developing some sort of a relationship with Til. also, her first dice bag was my pride bag with this flag.

Gauzra-Lithoromantic, meaning has desires of attraction, but does not want them reciprocated again, kind of supposed to be in opposite to Ada, and seeing as i still don’t know Gauzra’s personality this could change...but from my interpretation of her right now, this feels right. plus the flag goes with her color scheme.

Rosalba-Demisexual, meaning does not feel attraction until a strong bond is formed at the time i was playing Ro, this was how i identified primarily, but it still suits her i think. if you met Rico after meeting her, you would never know WHY they were a couple, but those two kinda fought against two life times to be together (three if you count the accent into godhood). Ro’s also never been good at getting close to people, but once she did, you’re stuck with her.

K’nessan-Nonbinary, meaning does not identify with a binary gender scale; Marsic, meaning is attracted to masculine qualities ok, ok, *technically* since Ness is a hermaphrodite they should be inter-sexed BUT they do prefer the gender neutral pronouns (followed by the masc; never use “it/that’ or you will die)...and their color scheme matches the flag, so... ^^; i also included in the list the Marsic because Ness does have a preference for male partners

Nemo-Asexual, meaning has no desires for attraction Nemo is nothing but a hero, so that pretty much screamed ace to me...plus it matched her color scheme

Mekala-Aromantic, meaning has no desire for attraction i wasn’t really sure about her, since you know 2 failed campaigns in a row didn’t give her much room to grow, but i could see this working. she’s not really looking for anything, more searching her past. 

Jass-Bisexual, meaning attracted to both males and females Jass is my sabretooth, so my sabretooth headcanons are canon for her lol. we only saw her have a relationship with fantasy!Deadpool in the game she was played, but hey

Tesla-Electio Aroace, meaning has no desire for attraction, whether sexual, romantic, or tertiary  i admit, this one is completely new to me, so my interpretation could be very wrong, but the idea that this is one that is uninterested in any form of attraction suits my viral android very well. again, she has gone on record saying that “the biological imperative for emotions is distractive” (more or less) which is especially funny since she was played in a valentines game where the goal was to let Cupid infect a town with horniness to make babies; Tesla was the only one unaffected and actively trying to stop that. so yeah.

Theo-Pansexual, meaning is attracted to any gender yeah, Theo’s just out there doing and being anything

Sean-Bisexual, meaning attracted to both males and females; he however has a stronger male preference i admit, one reason why Sean is bi and not just gay is for the “half and half” joke...but yeah, he started the game with a boyfriend, he would kill everyone for his boyfriend, he woudl die for his boyfriend.

Vitanya-Gynosexual, meaning attracted to feminine qualities still learning new things as we do this, but since Vita has had little development (but will be getting more) i’m kinda aiming to have her be a bit more into girls...we’ll see how that pans out

Lokaj-Androsexual, meaning attracted to masculine qualities originally i had him as something else, but when i saw that description i liked it better, since he ended up with Arkos and all

Arkos-Transgender, meaning identifies with a different physical gender than the one assigned at birth; Gay, meaning attracted to men going more off the latest version here than my previous one for this. but yeah, he’s just straight up trans here, not intersexed, and his tribe is cool with it. plus being a tribe means not enough money to get magic to physically change anything...but he’s ok with that. in his tribe it’s less what you have and more how to act.

Rikkar-Bisexual, meaning attracted to both males and females mainly because he did have a fiance...even though they weren’t super into the idea, they weren’t against it either...but he’s far more into Ark

Tarn-Lesbian, meaning attracted to women she has been a loud raging lesbian since day one, and nothing will ever change that. not even one continuity having her in a forced, bested in trial by combat, marriage to Starlord basically. she will only go for a dude if he’s a dragon...and he’s gotta be a hot dragon...and even then it win’t lasting dude.

Reyzah-Abrosexual, meaning one’s attraction is constantly changing or fluid Reyzah started as a knock-off tarn honestly and never got to thrive too much. but compared to her siblings, she was always the one learning and trying to figure herself out, so this fits well.

Margus-gay, meaning attracted to men Margus, similarly to his sister, started off as quiet nervous gay, and by the end of the adventure he had himself a doppleganger husband and confidence to boot, so yeah, my baby boy grew up good. admittedly a lot of his self-confidence issues were more from his half-orc heritage, BUT that fed into the “no one would wanna date me cause i suck” mentality. so yeah.

Nikkos-Asexual, meaning feels no desire for attraction he’s Margus’ twins, and was always intended to be some sort of ace. the joke being the Ironbrood kids are a full set; likes girls, likes guys, figuring things out, likes doughnuts. i waffled over making him a more defined type though...but since i’ve only played him for like one session as a background character, i’m not sure where he’s at. so general ace is fine. he loves and supports his siblings, and is best uncle to Margus’ kids anyways, so s’all good.

Jelena-Quoisexual, meaning has trouble distinguishing between romantic and sexual attraction i know i said up in Ada’s that Jelena was this too, but here i am saying it again since she’s my actual icon and not in the reffed to image set. i haven’t played her, so this could change...but i’m very self projecting on her during quarantine to begin with, so yeah she’s quoi until proven otherwise ^^;

so hope you found this informative...and that my information isn’t too terribly off ^^;;;

[cosmonaughtt]

how I'd rewrite Danny Phantom

forever salty that elmer glue ruined such a good concept so it’s my territory now

Ghosts are dead, 100%. The science behind it is very paranormal investigation-y but the Fenton family is ten thousand times better than the other “ghost hunters” of their time.

Also, there are some ghosts that come from metaphorical deaths. I.E. Pandora, she technically didn’t exist but when the Ancient Greek culture died out, so did the gods and goddesses. They’re not technically ghosts but they are ectoplasm-based, so they get lumped in with them.  

The Fenton family has been a bit dysfunctional for the past four years (10-14 for Danny, 12-16 for Jazz) because it took four years for Jack and Maddie to build the ghost portal. Jazz took over and learned how to really clean the house, while Danny learned how to cook. He’s not the best, but Danny can definitely make some good Ramen from scratch.

Maddie and Jack realized a bit later that the portal had overtaken their life and feel really bad for abandoning their kids, and when it didn’t work they tried to rekindle those relationships. Even with it working, they still do.

We all know what happened when the portal finished; it didn’t work. Because Jack put a switch on the inside that should’ve been on the outside, not the “on-off” button. The switch was loose and when Danny knocked into it, the portal turned on, because it was just waiting for a little spark-- like how when a cord is not totally plugged in. 

This was the beginning of summer, around the end of May, and a month after it was technically done. Danny (no stranger to the hospital, he’d been in a few times when he was younger because he was born two weeks premature) was in the hospital until August, a few weeks before school started. He was exempt from his eighth-grade exams and passed all of his classes, so the district let him slide.

Danny doesn’t have an ice core. As cool as it is (pun intended) it makes no sense in the narrative. Like, he was electrocuted, and he’s got the “ghost-stinger” ability, why would he have ICE POWERS? He’s got an electricity core instead (slightly inspired by the electric undead oops). 

His ghost sense is less of a mist and more of a gut feeling, and he literally becomes a static electricity magnet.

Danny’s character is a bit closer to the show.

He's quiet around strangers, but open with his friends. Trust thing.

Still made fun of for being the kid of two weird parents, but he’s honestly used to it by high school. He’s also bullied for his autism and ADHD, but he’s been bullied for them for about ten years so he’s used to it.

Still wants to be an astronaut-- science is his best subject, second to math. History is his third-best, he hates English and Gym class.

He’s tiny and scrawny, like a toothpick. It comes from being a sick child, though after the accident he’s able to lean out and gain a bit of “muscle”. 

After the accident, he gets a bit paler than he was before and doesn’t tan. There’s also a Lichtenberg scar covering about half of the right side of his body from the accident, going from his fingertips, up his arm and over his chest, neck, about down to his knee. 

He’s incredibly self-conscious about it but it doesn’t hurt, weirdly enough. For the “first season” he covers up and wears a lot of sweaters and long-sleeves. 

His pulse and body temperature are much below normal. The hospital was concerned with this after the accident, but after a few days of him seeming fine, they had to drop it. Danny can also hold his breath about five times longer than a normal human.

Is he half-dead? Yes, technically. Does he not try and think about his mortality? Yes.

He enjoys puns and jokes still, though he makes them more as Phantom.

Speaking of Phantom, no, he doesn’t go by “Danny Phantom”. Just Phantom. He is trying to avoid dissection from his parents, you know. 

Phantom has no scars from the accident, the only thing that he has in common with his human half is the mole on his cheek, but it’s green now (because yes, both halves have freckles!) because of his ectoplasm. He’s much more floaty, and if you don’t focus on him  he looks like he’s made of television static. He also has little fangs.

You can see his details better up close, and the longer you spend with Phantom, the more details you can see. All ghosts are like that, their energy is on the fritz all the time and human eyes need to adjust to it to understand certain features. The only reason Sam  and Tucker know him right away is because they watched him, y’know...

Danny is asexual, only realizing the identity in the middle of freshman year when Sam literally had to explain that yes, Danny, sexual attraction is a thing and not made up. (Based on my own experience.)

Sam and Tucker are both different in this story, but they still remain Danny’s only friends. They have other friends, though.

Sam is still goth.

She wears all black and even dyed her ginger hair black. There aren’t many surviving photos of Sam with her natural hair, she made sure of it. 

Sam is like... punk-goth? Punk-goth-grunge? She identifies as goth, but her clothes can fit all three categories, really. 

100% bisexual, has bi pins all over her bag. Out to her parents, who are slowly trying to understand. She doesn’t mind they/them pronouns, either, and her gender identity is just a shrug with middle fingers.

She knows a lot of the LGBT students at school and is the vice-president of the GSA she helped found. 

Both Sam and Danny had a mutual crush on each other through half of freshman year and all of eighth grade, Sam decided that she’d rather be friends and Danny realized it was mostly him wanting to be friends. 

Sam is vegan. She isn’t as pushy about it as she is in the show (I feel like it was extreme and really made fun of vegans/vegetarians, I know it’s a kids show but still) and all of her family is vegan, too. She’s big on animal rights, but recognizes the line to not cross.

Her family is also Jewish, like in canon.

Though she did campaign and successfully get the school  cafeteria to have a “Tofu Tuesday” every other week, so that’s something, at least!  (And where Mystery Meat would start)

Still mourns My Chemical Romance, into all music like that. 

Tucker is still a “nerd���, but he doesn’t get picked on by the jocks for being a nerd. 

He’s pretty hipster, too. His red beret is now a red beanie, and he has naturally curly hair poking out. He loves his natural hair, he just  loves the beanie.

His “nerd”  seems from his technological abilities. He has the latest smartphone a month after it comes out, and always has a “tablet”/iPad knockoff in his bag. He knows how to take things apart and sell them for money, and is also pretty good at programming.

Tucker DEFINITELY has a gaming channel. He only has about 3,000 subscribers, but that’s still pretty good. His most-popular video is him talking about the Indie game industry. He might try and program some of his own games (ahemPhantomfangameahem)

He loves meat, just like in the show. He jokes about it a lot with Sam, and Sam jokes back. Sometimes they can lead into fights if neither are in the mood, but both of them are pretty good-natured about it.

Tucker is a ladies-man, and a man’s-man, and a nonbinary’s-man-- he’s pansexual. Doesn’t figure out that’s a thing until he stays behind school one day to help Sam with the GSA, but once he does he’s out and proud. Still flirts terribly, though, but now no one is immune from his terrible flirts.

Scared of doctors and needles-- had a bad experience as a child, projects it on everything medicine-related. Tries to avoid taking medicine at all cost, unless it’s really severe. Hates flu season, can be a bit of a hypochondriac/germaphobe. Has one of those Bath and Body Works  hand sanitizer things on his bag.

Out of the trio, he’s more terrified of the ghosts, though after a while he gets used to them.

The A-Listers and school remain mostly the same.

Wes Weston is 100% a thing.

The A-Listers are more preppy than before, and definitely try and get away with what they can with modern fashion-- at least, Paulina and Star will. Dash and Kwan are a bit fashion-deaf (Kwan. Owns. Crocs.)

They’re still jerks and Dash still picks on Danny a lot, but the teachers are more competent and he can’t get away with more physical stuff unless no one is looking. Dash is probably a victim of his own domestic abuse at home and takes it out on people-- totally wrong and not moral, but he doesn’t think there’s much of an option. Only Kwan and Paulina know about his situation.

Kwan is pretty smart and strong, but he dresses like a disaster. He mostly sticks to wearing his letterman jacket and a black t-shirt and jeans, but if he ever has to “dress-up” or wears something else, it’s awful. Cargo shorts galore. Crocs. Someone get the Fab 5 to help  him, please.

Paulina is pretty prissy, and doesn’t like getting dirty often. She’s a cheerleader and she’s good at it, but she’s only second-in-command of the squad, or however that works. She doesn’t mind, less work for her to do, and the person in charge enjoys it a lot. Paulina tends to make fun of Sam and Tucker’s clothes often, and like the rest of the A-Listers, everything listed above for Danny (sans the Phantom thing). Once Phantom becomes big, she gets a huge celebrity crush on him, probably has ten different Stan accounts for him.

Star is the head cheerleader, and enjoys every moment of it. She also enjoys math, and she’s really good at  that too. Of the canon characters, only Danny can keep up. She isn’t good at much else academia-wise, though she does enjoy a bit of biology and forensics. Much smarter than most people think-- it will astound you.  

Valerie is a part of their squad at first, only because she, Paulina and Star live in the same neighborhood. After Valerie moves to an apartment, their friendship falls apart after a big fight-- this is entirely not ghost-related, by the way. Vlad only contacts her after learning that her dad was hurt in a ghost attack and Phantom wasn’t there to help, and emotionally manipulates her. She becomes the Red Huntress and hunts Danny, and they do date for a few months before calling it quits. I’m not big on shipping, per say, but if there has to be a canon endgame, it’ll be these two.  

Wes Weston. He’s technically canon? I guess? But also fanon? Either way, having a character like Wesley Weston trying to expose Danny as Phantom and always failing is hilarious, but can also introduce other things into the series as well. How does Wes know? Is he like, psychic, or something...? 

 Oh, and Vlad.

He’s much more emotionally manipulative. Danny was really considering having him train him in ghost-powers and stuff until Vlad made an off-comment about Jack, and Danny saw through the act.

They’re very much enemies. Not frenemies, but enemies. Danny is terrified of Vlad, but doesn’t want him to hurt his family.

Vlad, above all, wants a family. He missed out on those years being in and out of the hospital because of his own, botched accident, and he has scars all over his face from the “ecto-acne” that he hides with makeup.

He’s equivalent to Elon Musk, but less of a weeabo. DALV Corporations has a lot more stock in experimental sciences, though, including paranormal investigation. When he learns that Jack and Maddie had successfully created the Ghost Portal, he puts a lot more funding into their projects and reconnects. 

Still got the creepy Maddie-crush. Does get a cat named Matti, though (no connection or correlation, shut up, Daniel). Hates Jack because of his own accident, and begins to despise him even more for not noticing the scars left on Danny’s accident, too.

Less of a vampire in ghost form. He has a fire core, which makes a lot of his ectoplasm heat-based. Probably has laser eyes that Danny desperately tries to emulate but alas, cannot. The only reason he has a leg up on Danny is experience, not strength. He was only blasted in the face, not the whole body, after all.

At some point there’s probably an argument with Vlad and the Fentons and he decides “screw it” and makes an offset of DALV that focuses on ghost-hunting.

No Mayor thing, but he does move away from Wisconsin to live  in Amity Park.

Amity Park is... Well, it’s something.

It was already a pretty creepy town before the ghosts get involved.

It was already a pretty creepy town before the ghosts get involved. 

There’s always been unexplained murders, disappearances, and strange lights in the sky that no one could identify—a lot of hints towards something other-than-ghosts existing, which makes sense. 

Amity Park is much weirder after the ghost portal opens. Not because of the ghost attacks and their ghostly superhero, but because the veil was torn a bit, and it was felt throughout the town. 

On the moment of Danny’s accident, there was a massive power outage, and they become a bit more frequent to everyone’s dismay.  Much of the older residents of the town are against ghosts—if excepting Phantom, on occasion. The younger residents are more open to the undead spectres, though, and are much less afraid of them. 

Phantom becomes a youth icon, and his twitter account that started off small and as a joke gets him national popularity. 

Tucker, naturally, rides this wave and gets a giant boost in YouTube subscribers, especially after he posted a few videos with Phantom. No one questions this except the A-Listers, who just want to know howhe did this. 

Okay that’s enough of an info-dump I don’t want to spoil everything. I’ll probably post this stuff on my ao3—calling this story “Hero Complex” for now, still working on the title.

[lokidyke]

cw genital mention, discussion of dysphoria, discussion of sex, a very personal post in general

i've been thinking a lot lately. actually, not even a lot, but whenever i think about it, my thoughts hold heavy weight to them. i've been thinking about my gender, my body, and how i want to be perceived in the world. and i just don't know how i feel about it anymore.

overall i've come to the conclusion that i just... don't want to be seen. it's not even like "i just want to exist", i just don't want to be seen right now because i don't know how i want to be seen. i don't know how i want to exist and navigate the world.

i started questioning my gender when i was in high school, like many of you. since my gender intertwines tightly with my sexuality, i'll talk about that too. for my sexuality, i knew i liked girls when i was in middle school. i turned my head, looked over to one of my dearest friends in the world, and realized just HOW pretty she was. my heart felt like it froze. my brain said to me, "well, i'm bi." i don't think i'll ever forget that moment. it sparked a huge journey for me that doesn't even feel complete yet. maybe it never will.

i thought i was bi for a really long time. i didn't realize i was a lesbian until i started in college, so we'll get there when we get there.

i think it was freshman year when one of my friends asked me out. he was a boy. he had asked out every girl he had ever befriended, and after me, he went on to ask out more and more, until we were seniors and he was dating freshman. he gave off a goofy, immature vibe, so we never questioned it, but looking back, i should've told him how inappropriate that was. i have no idea where he is now. we were the same age, and he asked me out in the library, where we were surrounded by all our friends. he quieted everyone down before he asked me. again, looking back now, that seems like a manipulation tactic to pressure me into saying yes, as to not embarrass him in front of my friends. so i did, i said yes, and we effectively dated for an hour and a half. after leaving the library, he walked me to my locker before class, and asked for a kiss before we left for each of our classes. i gave him one.

even that quick peck made such a disgusting, slimy, steely feeling immediately rush down my body like painful electricity. i thought maybe it was because i just didn't like him. i never figured it was because i just didn't like boys. i couldn't think straight through that entire period, all i thought of was how bad that felt, about how i needed to get out of whatever relationship he expected from me. after class ended, i left the room and he was waiting for me. i immediately broke up with him, trying to be as gentle and apologetic as i could. i think he was very used to rejection, and wouldn't take it as a deterence, so he actually took the breakup quite gracefully. onto the next one, i suppose. i didn't care. i was just glad to be rid of him.

after that, i started thinking about my gender. i looked on youtube for any videos in regards to both trans women and trans men's experiences. i don't think i was questioning my gender at the same time as my fascination began, i just wanted to know everything i could about the T in lgbt. after that was when i heard about nonbinary identities, and read into them. i ended up jumping around from label to label during my experimental phase, but we'll get to that in a second. very similarly to my bisexual revolution, i read over the definition of demigirl, and thought, "yep, that's me." i ended up returning to that label for a brief time when i first discovered i was a lesbian, but that would quickly fade away when i began clinging to the label in terms of every way to describe my identity. sexuality, gender, self. lesbian.

during high school, i of course went through what some may call a "soft boy" period, but i never identified as a trans man. only different forms of nonbinary. agender, genderfluid, agenderflux. all sorts of words that allowed me to experiment with who i was. i was grateful for that allowance of experimentation without too much pressure to commit. for a while, i went by strictly they/them pronouns. "she" felt like someone fumbling to fit a key into the lock and never quite getting it to fit. "he" felt a bit attractive, but warped. i liked masculine terms such as prince, "soft boy", and even just... boy in general. a young boy. never "he". never a man.

this faded away again once i graduated high school. again i wasn't sure who i was, and just settled on bi demiwoman. getting into college, i discovered compulsory heterosexuality. i read up as much as i could from how lesbians described it, and my third revaluation hit me: "that's me. i'm a lesbian."

finally i felt like i was home. i had wanted to be a lesbian so bad, for so long, but didn't know i just... could be. i never connected the dots of my experience to the lesbian experience. but i was finally able to, and i was finally home. i'm a lesbian.

again, demiwoman still fit for me, as i had read about the nonbinary lesbian experience as well. still, even with going by a technically nonbinary identity, i never thought i was actually nonbinary. i identified too closely with my gender assigned at birth. i couldn't be nonbinary until i refused it.

but it's more complex than that, and i understand that now. being a woman for me is... dysphoric. not for being a woman in itself, but for existing as a woman who exclusively loves other women. a woman who lives under the patriarchy. a woman who is told everywhere and by everyone that i was never and will never fully be a woman. even "gay is okay!" liberals look at lesbians as a watered down version of womanhood. i know they do, i can feel it. it's such an alienating feeling.

i think that's why i feel stuck now. i'm a woman, a lesbian woman, and those two are so interconnected that i could never be one without the other. i could never be a woman if i wasn't a lesbian. never.

but under the patriarchy, under the gaze of men, i feel insecure. i feel lesser-than. i feel like "woman" is an identity i will constantly be clamoring for, always just out of reach. i don't fit the mold, i can't reach the standard.

i don't shave my legs. i shave under my arms much less frequently than other women may. i rarely wear makeup, and when i do, i've abandoned using foundation. my hair is short, and i get it cut by barbers. they raised the price at my barbers by three dollars for "women's cuts" once i started going there.

i love women. god, i love women so much. all that put together makes me an outsider. even when i wear dresses, tights, and put on lipstick, i am still an "other". i feel it, and it feels like everyone must know it. they can see through me. "you're not a real woman."

and yet, i'm assigned female at birth! they know i'm a woman, they glare at my huge chest, they see my curves, and yet they see me and think "do better. put in some effort." i hate it.

this summer i felt what i can only describe as dysphoria. i wore my bikini top and swim trunks into the pool, swimming alone. it was a pool party, consisting of a mix of my family and step family. i was out of sight of most of them, and yet, when i lied on my back in the water, with only my stomach and very large breasts poking out of the water, i felt it. i felt like i had to run, and hide myself. i wanted to cover myself and not look another person in the eyes for at least a week. i didn't want men to look at my chest, or even have the chance to. i hate it. i find my chest can be presented in such a sexy way, i've seen it, i want women to see it and feel hot from looking at it. but that's not an option. men linger, and men prey. other women, straight women, they look away, finding the mix of my cleavage and unshaven legs a disgusting, frankenstein-like mish-mash.

i watched contrapoints' video about dysphoria and related a bit. i thought about what she said in that one scene, imitating a female partner and herself pre-transition.

"why won't you fuck me?" "i don't want to." "why?" "it makes me feel like a man." "but you are a man." "well, i don't want to be."

i'm not a man, either. and yet there's always been this lingering sexual question throughout the years.

in my fantasies, i have a penis. when i use pornography to satisfy my needs, i love to be from the perspective of someone with a penis. i fantasize all on my own about the famous women i crush on being gentle yet dominate with me and my penis.

but i never want to be a man. i never identified with MEN. i don't want a man's penis, and i don't even really want a penis in general. it's a fantasy, and yet it feels so tightly woven in with my sexuality. it's what i like, what i fantasize about. and yet, i can't imagine topping a girl with a strap on. it feels too foreign. too dominate. not my style. in the streets, i'd defend any woman i love, any friends i care about, with as much un-lady like, rowdy screaming, insulting, and fighting as needed. but in the sheets, i want to be taken care of.

the idea of being penetrated is still terrifying to me. i think once i have my first sexual encounter, and am penetrated, perhaps that penis fantasy will fall away, and i will understand that penetration doesn't hurt, and isn't something a woman offers to a man to please him, but something beautiful that two women can partake in in order to please both parties, and even especially the one being penetrated.

it's so confusing. i feel so fucked up by men and their worldview of gender and sex. they truly established themselves in my life as the final judge of all these things, and yet, i'll never encounter one in a way in which he'll judge my naked body and tell me who i am. all i have are the eyes of other men, in my family, the ones in the grocery store, the ones who teach me; they silently decide who i am, and how i'm not living up to the standard.

so i feel i can never be who i am. NO, i feel like who i am is below the standard of everyone else for the same concept. and so, womanhood is distilled from me by strangers. it makes me sit at home alone and feel like a stranger to myself. it makes me feel like other woman can never see me how i want to be seen, or love me how i want to be loved.

and yet... i don't know how i want to be seen. i don't know how i want to be loved.

that's the problem.

*t/e/r/f/s, r/a/d/f/e/m/s, gen/der cr/it folks don't interact*

[ruffboijuliaburnsides]

im gonna ask you a question. so, right now i identify as female (cis). and i'm not sure about it. how did you realize you were nonbinary? i tried out they/them pronouns once and i didn't like it. but like. sometimes i don't feel right with my name and my pronouns and my body. but that just might be depression or me zoning the heck out haha. i'm young, i have time. but i just want help? ? ? haha thank you and i really love your blog

Aw, no worries, nonny.  

So I’m going to preface this by saying that everyone’s experience is unique, I’m not a professional anything, take anything I say with a grain of salt and do your own research and come to your own decisions.  I will also mention that I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and one of the major symptoms of BPD is a lack of identity, sort of the… throwing yourself into things and other people and other people’s styles and making that who you are over and over and never quite feeling like you have an identity that means “you”.  I mention this because that’s one of the things that currently has the biggest impact on me of all my BPD issues, and that has colored my entire gender journey, which in turn colors my advice and thoughts about it.

So as far as me realizing I was NB, it was a looooong process.  I felt kind of dysphoric and maybe not-female for literal years, then I came out as trans because I figured “this probably means I’m a trans guy” and it felt MUCH better but still not quite right.  After a couple years I went “yeah, not quite a guy either. …I guess that means I’m neither?” and that’s pretty much how that happened.

All that said, I’ll mention the following things: 

1) the more I recognized and processed the internalized misogyny I have, the less dysphoric being read as female has become.  It’s kind of plateaued and I think I’ve mostly just hit “i’m nb but more comfortable on the feminine side of things than I used to be” but hey, who knows, right?  I mention this one first both to get it out of the way and because of stuff you mentioned in your ask.  It’s not unheard of at ALL for cis women to feel very dysphoric about their bodies and uncomfortable with their womanhood.  It’s not universal, though, it’s just a possible option.  Our society hates women and teaches women to hate themselves, but whether you’re just a woman dealing with the fallout of living in a deeply misogynistic society or a trans person is something only you can decide.

2) I have known more than one cis female lesbians who identified as nb and don’t anymore, or identified as a trans guy and now identify as nb or cis.  There is a lot of bullshit that most of us are trained into unknowingly about hating women and hating ourselves, and when we find ourselves loving women, it just compounds like… EVERYTHING.  So if you’re a lesbian or bi, this could be something to keep in mind.

3) my most dysphoric moments were also tied to what I would consider my most disassociated moments.  When i’m struggling so hard to even feel a connection to my body, things that make me actively NOT identify with my own body are like that much worse.  It could also be the other way around, but either way, they can feed into each other.  Mental illness can be a huge influence on your identity.  That doesn’t mean your identity is wrong just because you’re mentally ill - i firmly believe that part of the reason I identify with nonbinary so hard is because it’s sort of an “in-between, unspecific, not really anything” sort of identity to me, and that’s how I feel about my identity at large most of the time.  That said, identifying as NB has been a source of relief and joy, so even if it IS stemming from my BPD I don’t give a shit because it makes my life better.

4) It’s okay to change.  If you’re cis now, and you identify as NB or a trans guy later, that’s okay.  If even later, your identity shifts again, that’s ok too.  Some people find who they are young and never really stop feeling that.  Some people are really fluid and have a complex and ever-evolving relationship with their identity.  Neither one is wrong. Your labels are for YOU.  To make YOU feel like you have a handle on yourself.  As your understanding of yourself changes, your labels might change too.  That’s ok.  Anyone who tells you it’s not is not worth your time.

5) You are valid.  I know that’s basically a meme at this point and it’s a funny one, but the thing is that you are.  You are you.  You’re allowed to be you, and feel your feelings.  The important part of any of that is how you REACT and ACT ON those things. 

6) You’re allowed to tell people no when they ask questions.  You’re allowed to say “that’s personal” or “I don’t feel comfortable answering that” or “sorry, you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock that part of my backstory” or whatever.  You do not have to feel obligated to explain yourself and your identity and how you came to that identity and how it affects your sexuality etc etc ad nauseum to everyone who asks. It’s okay not to answer questions about things that people technically have no right to.  It’s also ok to answer them if you’re down for it, but you’re not being rude by saying “no, that’s too personal, I’m not comfortable with that”.  If they push it, THEY’RE the ones being rude.

7) The last and possibly most divergent from the original topic thing I’m going to say is possibly the most controversial?  And it’s more about attraction than gender, but in my experience, dealing with one inevitibly means dealing with the other at the very least inasmuch as where they intersect, but that experience is why I’m including this. Unless nothing else has worked for you, I would stay away, at least initially, from the split attraction model.  That’s the x-sexual/x-romantic split, and identifying them separately.  I am not saying they’re bad or that they can’t be useful or helpful, but the thing is that they are mostly of use to the ace community, and only to a limited extent.  Diving into them when you don’t need to can just over-complicate things; as much as labels are for YOU, it also doesn’t help to be overly specific.  If you can be sexually attracted to both guys and girls but you’re only interested in being in relationships with girls?  Sure, you could say you’re bisexual homoromantic (as a girl that is) but unless that is something that is NECESSARY FOR YOU, you could also just say you’re bi with a preference, or say you’re a lesbian because yes i think bi women who are still attracted to guys physically but have no intention of or desire to be with men can call themselves lesbians if that’s more comfortable for them.  I say this mostly because I and more than a few people I know have done the split attraction model because it’s what is being done or w/e and it messed with them being able to actually deal with issues they were having and correctly identifying their sexualities and etc etc etc.  It’s not intrinsically bad or harmful or wrong, but it’s also not intrinsically good, and it’s not useful for anyone.  Unless you think it’s absolutely the only way to find your identity, I would largely steer clear of it for yourself.  I put this last because it’s the least related to your actual question.

…I can’t think of anything else rn.  Use the identifiers and terms that you’re comfortable with but don’t feel bad or ashamed of changing them if you realize they don’t apply anymore.  Don’t feel like you have to identify things super-specifically just because it’s common practice.  Uh…. idk, i’m a wee bit tipsy but hopefully some of this was even a little bit helpful?  GOOD LUCK MY SMOL ONE, EVEN IF I CAN’T HELP I’M HERE TO LISTEN IF YOU NEED AN EAR OR A SHOULDER!

[rotationalsymmetry]

commenting on without reblogging (which is taking a lot more willpower than usual):

Sometimes trans people with weird identities latch onto a way of describing that experience that is problematic. They encounter the term "two spirit" and it seems to fit but they're not native american and they don't have the context to fully and accurately understand what that means. Or they use "transgender" as a gender identity rather than a modifier of a gender identity. Or they use outdated language. Etc.

(Or, in this case, an afab person feels like a trans woman. What does that mean? I don't know. But I sure hope she figures it out. I too sometimes identify more, in specific ways, with transfeminine people than with people who share my assigned gender at birth. Specifically, and I don't think this is what this other person was saying, I'm about 100% sure that if I was born into a male body I'd identify as a crossdresser, because as it is I want to be seen as masculine (or at least not actively feminine?) in my everyday life and feminine for sex, and that's a common enough thing for amab people, and I've never encountered anyone else expressing that as part of their sense of who they are who is afab. Maybe there are more people like that, maybe it gets just written off as "well, I'm a feminist, of course I don't want men sexualizing me in my everyday life" idk. I don't think it's just that though. And at this point I'm sure that gravitating towards femininity in a sexual context isn't just socialization, it's actively part of who I am, at my core, in a way that not all people are.) (There's an older book called GenderQueer: Voices from Beyond the Sexual Binary that I strongly recommend for anyone who finds themselves resonating with this. It's nearly 20 years old and from well before the modern idea of "nonbinary" crystallized.) Trans people (and people who aren't entirely sure if they're "really trans" but whose identity is more complicated than "100% and exclusively identify with the gender everyone else thinks I am") have the right to try to figure out what their deal is, and figuring it out is more important than using the precise right wording for our own experiences. That isn't to say you have to grit your teeth and ignore it when a trans person says something painful, but it does mean that before you step in and tell them they're wrong, you should check yourself. Do I know this person, and do I have the sort of relationship where they'll welcome feedback from me? Am I sure about the correction/call out I want to make? Can I do it with compassion? Am I able to differentiate between what this person is trying to say and how they're saying it, so that my criticism comes across as "phrasing!" and not as "you are bad and wrong for talking about this/for having the identity you have." I got into a weird online fight with a cis person online one time for trying to express that bisexuals should be able to explain our orientation in words that make sense to us, and some of my words came out in a way that was Not Great because there was context I didn't understand. But my concept was right: bisexuals (and m-spec people who use other labels like pansexual) should have their ability to express feelings and thoughts about their own identity, that that should be given a higher priority than using the exact most PC language. (This is also an issue for intersectional identities: class and educational background, english as a second language, developmental disabilities can all create barriers to using the "right" language.) That's also the case for trans people looking around for the best way to explain what they are in a world that is fundamentally hostile to trans people and doesn't want to give us words to explain ourselves. The last thing trans people need is to be shouted down and told to be silent by our own fucking community. To be told that unless we can say things perfectly according to someone else's standard, then we shouldn't say anything at all. Again, not to say you can't ever call someone out for questionable/problematic language use. But be kind. And don't suppress people's attempts at self-exploration and self-understanding, because that's more important than getting the words right. (I mean, technically I can't determine how important it is for non-indigenous people to keep our hands off culturally specific terms? But I don't think the occasional non-binary person misusing the term "two-spirit" as they're trying to figure out what they are, is the worst problem here.) (Plus...sometimes people aim for

cultural appropriators and hit people who are actually from the culture that is supposedly being appropriated. It's a concept that has to be handled with some finesse, and balanced against the basic principle of "be careful about telling other people they're doing it wrong.") (And no, I still don't think that a bisexual getting told they're wrong for expressing their orientation in terms of genitals* is more important than a bisexual figuring out that they are bisexual and communicating that, in whatever words come most naturally to them. And I still don't think a bisexual telling a family member or whoever "I'm bisexual, that means I'm attracted to men and women, I don't switch orientations every time I switch dating partners" is remotely a problem. It's not the most precise language. And some bisexuals are not attracted to both men and women. But someone who doesn't get what bisexual means is also going to have difficulty understanding nonbinary people, and it often makes sense to have those awkward conversations separately, and the person with the confused relative gets to make that call, not the entire freaking internet.) (Also, it is so bad that whenever I want to have a conversation online with bisexuals about bisexuality, we invariably get derailed by the great bi/pan wars and how bisexuality should be defined and I hate that, that actively interferes with us understanding ourselves and finding community, it is not OK.) (*This does happen. There is a hugely popular FB group nominally about bisexuality, and whenever a bisexual expresses their orientation in terms of genitals or uses language that implies that there are only men and women, that person gets dogpiled by dozens of other group members. Even when it's eg a post about coming out to that person's parents, or something else vitally important to that person's personal life. A situation where that person should be centered, and using the exact right language for another marginalized group that happens to overlap a lot with bisexuals should not be. This happens. And it's wrong.)

[melonoverlord]

ABCs for the Dwarphen

I’ll answer these for her as she will appear in EoE

A: Aptitude

1. what are your oc’s natural abilities, things they’ve been doing since young?

She’s always been a fairly good runner, and when she first was taken in by Xo, she took her mother’s bow from her home. So she’s been doing that since around four or so.

2. what activities have they participated in?

Professional archery in a sense, helping Xo run their brewery business, and now in her job as a bounty hunter.

3. what abilities do they have that they’ve worked for?

When she was a little kid still travelling with Xo, she had trouble distinguishing which forest berries or plants were safe to eat, and up until her job now she has people watching her telling what to eat and what’s safe. She’s had to learn how to learn recognizes which foods are safe to eat and which ones are poisonous.

4. what things are they bad at?

*Xo voice* Eating any fucking green food. But in all seriousness, she’s bad at keeping track of time. She could think she’s running around town for just three hours until Xo is coming after her in tears because she actually been gone for ten.

5. what is their most impressive talent?

Archery by far. She made a name for herself in her skills years ago, which is how they were able to reunite with Xo.

B: Basics

1. what is their hair color?

Dark brown, very close to black.

2. what is their eye color?

Dark brown.

3. how tall are they?

3′5

4. how old are they?

13

5. how much do they weigh?

130 lbs

C: Comfort

1. how do they sit in a chair?

Criss cross, or with one leg cross over the other.

2. in what position do they sleep?

She’s used to sleeping either straight up and down to conserve space or in fetal position.

3. what is their ideal comfort day?

Dressing in just pajama pants and shorts and falling asleep to the sound of rain while listening to music play. She doesn’t get a ton of those.

4. what is their major comfort food? why?

Chile con Queso. She remembers her birth mom giving it to her when she was a baby and it’s the only thing she has left to connect with her birth family.

5. who is the best at comforting them when down?

Xochitl by far. There’s a lot of thing she has to thank them for, but helping her through her trauma is definitely the biggest. They’ll just hold her and braid her hair and sing to her.

D: Decoration

1. how would they decorate a house if they had one under their name?

First of all, she’d choose to live in a tree house that sprawled across the tree tops, but if she had to live in a normal house, she would still choose one close to nature with lots of house plants and little critters running about.

2. how would they decorate their child’s room?

Listen, Yaretzi is a 13 year old girl. Do you really think she’s not going to want to give her kids the coolest room ever where your room is a treehouse and the floor looks like grass? On top of that she would give all her kids stuffed animals of woodland creatures because she’s that dedicated to theme.

3. how do they decorate their own room?

She just recently got her own room (though she still sleeps in Xo’s bed a lot) but it’s fairly small and has her bed in one corner with a sad attempt at a canopy by Xo, a small shelf that has all of her dolls and book, and small desk that has a little notebook that Xo bought her for her birthday.

4. what type of clothes and accessories do they wear?

At home she wears a similar shirt to Xo (off the shoulder white peasant blouse) and a long flowy skirt, but in the field she wears dark trousers, her blouse, a thick overcoat, and a bandana of some kind to keep her hair out of her face.

5. do they like makeup/nail/beauty trends?

She likes painting her nail, but putting on makeup reminds her of being forced to wear makeup for her slave family. 

E: External Personality

1. does the way they do things portray their internal personality?

Pretty much. She’s usually very honest with her personality, which means that you will know firsthand whether she likes you or not.

2. do they do things that conform to the norm?

She did it as a slave to stay safe and not cause waves, but Yaya has a free spirit that doesn’t really care if people think she’s out there.

3. do they follow trends or do their own thing?

She’s like her mom and simply doesn’t give a fuck what others think and does her own thing. She only follows trends if her life’s in danger.

4. are they up-to-date on the internet fads?

Nah, she’s more likely to run outside and play in literal mud than go on the internet, if it existed.

5. do they portray their personality intentionally or let people figure it outon their own?

Usually what you see is what you get, so the personality she displays is how she really is.

F: Fun

1. what do they do for fun?

Run in the woods barefoot and try to climb the tallest tree. But if she is confined to the city, she actually really loves pulling pranks on her family and friends. It helps when your best friend is a bear.

2. what is their ideal party?

Everyone in their pajamas playing charades or Never Have I Ever/Truth or Dare. She is a fan of party games.

3. who would they have the most fun with?

Xo, her Uncle Tarel, and Auntie Ellie.

4. can they have fun while conforming to rules?

Yeah. Most of what she does for fun is legal and it’s only her job that’s technically illegal. She’s more willing to follow rules than Xo is.

5. do they go out a lot?

Out to party, no, but she definitely leaves the house just to wander around the woods.

G: Gorgeous

1. what is their most attractive external feature?

She has the most beautiful curly hair you’ve ever seen. Both she and Xo like brushing it out.

2. what is the most attractive part of their personality?

She has the cutest, innocent laugh and laughs with her entire body just because she’s so openly, honestly her. If she likes you, she will let you know and love you til the end.

3. what benefits come with being their friend?

She is that little sister you always wanted to have and will strive to protect you as long as she lives.

4. what parts of them do they like and dislike?

There’s not really a part of her she dislikes physically, except maybe be a little taller because no one takes her seriously as a 3′0 dwarf.

5. what parts of others do they envy?

She does wish she was a little older like her family because they allowed to do whatever they want without supervision, and although she loves Xochitl more than life itself, she wishes she could go her own path without worrying about giving Xo a heart attack every time she falls from a tree.

H: Heat

1. do they rather a hot or cold room?

Cold. She likes being a blanket burrito and cuddling next to either her mom or a bear.

2. do they prefer summer or winter?

Summer. It’s when more people are out shopping and usually it’s the season where she gets more offers at her job. And since it’s festival season, Xo usually has to pay more attention to their customers than her.

3. do they like the snow?

She didn’t get to experience it a lot since a lot of her childhood was spent down south, but the few times she did experienced it, she loved it. There was once a particularly bad snowstorm in her current town and she and Xo made snowpeople and had a snowball fight. Of course Xo let her win the snowball fight even though against anyone else they are ruthless.

4. do they have a favorite summer activity?

Running in the forest for hours barefoot or climbing trees. She likes feeling tall.

5. do they have a favorite winter activity?

Drinking spiced hot chocolate.

I: In-the-closet

1. what is their sexuality?

Bisexual

2. have they ever questioned their sexuality?

No, she never really thought about it and just thought she’d get a crush when she was ready.

3. have they ever questioned their gender?

No, she’s always been comfortable in her gender.

4. would/was their family be okay with them being LGBT?

Absolutely. Their mom is a nonbinary pansexual dwarf, and honestly there is little she could do that Xo would be mad at her for.

5. how long would/did it take for them to come out?

She didn’t come out in the traditional sense. She asked Xo about who they liked and when they said they liked all kinds of people, Yaretzi nodded and said that she does to. Xo was very accepting of her daughter and her relationships, on the one stipulations that she doesn’t date a fucking bard. Because her experience with Arzan was enough to scar them for life.

J: Joy

1. what makes them happy?

Being in the woods, archery, and listening to her family’s stories.

2. who makes them happy?

Xochitl, Buttons, and her friends at her last job.

3. are there any songs that bring them joy?

If modern music existed, it would be ‘Whatever it Takes’ by Imagine Dragons, and ‘Renegades’ by X Ambassadors.

4. are they happy often?

Yeah, for the most part. She’s a bit saltier than she should be at that age, but she’s not flat out sad.

5. what brings them the most joy in the world?

Archery and being out in the wilderness.

K: Kill

1. have they ever thought about suicide?

Nope, if she did it would have been right after she was kidnapped, but she was too young to think about death.

2. have they ever thought about homicide?

Only in passing, but the thought always left her mind before she could really think about murder.

3. if they could kill anyone without punishment, would they? who?

The slavers who kidnapped her, (she technically did kill her owner without punishment), and anyone who ever upsets her mom.

4. who would miss them if they died?

It has been proven that Xo would be broken beyond repair, and Yaretzi knows that Xo’s friends would probably be sad too.

5. who would be happy they died, anyone?

Honestly, probably the family that she used to serve as a slave under.

L: Lemons

1. what is their favorite fruit?

Blueberries. Once she got sick by eating too many blueberries.

2. what is their least favorite fruit?

Kiwis. They make her mouth hurt.

3. are there any foods they hate?

Pretty much any and all vegetables, especially mushrooms.

4. do they have any food intolerances?

Tree nuts. Which in her line of work, sucks.

5. what is their favorite food?

Chile Con Queso, and pretty much anything spicy.

M: Maternal

1. would they want a daughter or a son?

She’s too young to think about having children, but she wouldn’t mind raising a kid when she’s much, much older, and wouldn’t mind either gender.

2. how many children do they want?

Depending if she had someone to help, max four.

3. would they be a good parent?

Yeah, she’d try her best to find the medium between strict and laidback, kinda like Xo has done (Xo honestly is a great parent, Yaya just can’t be contained).

4. what would they name a son? what would they name a daughter?

She’d definitely name her sons after the two men who helped her most in her life: Teodulo, her father, or Revan, the man that helped her escape slavery (and possibly Tarel). For daughters, she’d name after her mom, Valentina, her little sister, Pacifica, her current mom Xo, or even her Auntie Ellie.

5. would they adopt?

It’s how she was able to find Xo, so absolutely.

N: Never Have I Ever

1. what would they never do?

Actively betray her mom. There was nothing you could offer her that would make her go against Xo.

2. what have they never done that they want to do?

She wants to befriend a panther or another big cat. She’d probably die, but she’d die happy.

3. is there anything they absolutely can’t believe people do?

Keep slaves obviously, and also dislike animals. What’s to hate about animals? They’re perfection in tiny furry bodies.

4. what is the most embarrassing thing they’ve done?

When she was at her first job as a free person, she was riding a horse while standing and trying to shoot at a target, and the horse got spooked and bucked, her, making her dive head first into horse shit. She was seven years old.

5. have they done anything they thought they’d never do?

Kill people.

O: Optimism

1. are they optimistic or pessimistic?

She’s usually optimistic, even if it’s hidden under a snarky tone. Despite the trauma that Yaya’s faced, she finds the future hopeful.

2. are they openly optimistic, throwing it on others?

Nah, she keeps her optimism to herself unless someone asks for it. She’s all for people following their own philosophy.

3. are they good at giving advice?

She tries her best, but she’s 13 and all the people in her life are at least in their late 30s at best and at worst like mid 100s. But because she’s pragmatic, the advice tends to be sound.

4. is there anyone in their life that throws optimism on them?

Probably Auntie Breda. She agreed with Xo when they said that Breda was one of the most optimistic people that Xo had ever met. And she is glad for it, since the rest of Xo’s friends tend to be on the angstier side.

5. were they always optimistic?

Yeah, it’s been her personal philosophy since childhood with her birth parents that there is always something better in the future, so it’s important not to lose hope. While that has helped her look on the bright side of things, it kinda worked backwards because now Yaretzi is never content and that is the biggest reason why she tries to work for something more.

P: Personality

1. what is their best personality trait?

It actually probably would be her youthful attitude and optimism because god knows that Xo isn’t optimistic.

2. what is their worst personality trait?

Brutal honesty. If she doesn’t like you, she will let you know and you will know it in an instant.

3. what of their personality do others love?

Xo loves her endless energy and optimism, and of course her cheekiness and sass.

4. what of their personality do others envy?

Xo envies their daughter’s ability to be honest and love herself completely (though they wouldn’t have it any other way).

5. do they hate anything about their personality/about other’s personalities?

She dislikes people who hide their true feelings and put up a front just to get people to like them.

Q: Questions

1. do they ask for help?

Yeah, mainly from Xochitl or any of her other family. She usually only asks for help from someone she trusts.

2. do they ask questions in class?

Yes, just so she can do her tasks perfectly and not get in trouble. She was very dedicated to not making mistakes so no one would yell at her or punish her.

3. do they answer questions that make them a little uncomfortable?

She will just because she thinks she doesn’t have anything to hide, but she won’t want to answer it.

4. do they ask weird questions?

Yeah. When she was little and just met Arzan and Mae, she asked them if they know where their earholes go because they don’t have earlobes. She also asked Tarel why he doesn’t have hair on one half of his head (Xo answered that it was because Buttons’ mom at the other half)

5. are they curious?

Yeah, it’s about 90% of why she gets in trouble with Xo. Xo of course understands that kids should be able to run around and get dirty, but they’re still dealing with the trauma of losing Yaretzi twice when she was a little kid.

R: Rules

1. do they follow rules?

She tries to. When she was a slave she followed the rules as close as she could so she wouldn’t get punished, and now she wants to be as good as a child as she can for Xochitl, but she does lies in order to do her job.

2. would they be a strict or laid-back parent?

Given how Xo struggles to keep the line between letting their child live her life and keeping a close eye so she doesn’t go missing again, Yaretzi thinks she’d be a laid back parent but still be open in case her child wants to talk to her about stuff that’s bothering them.

3. have they ever been consequenced for breaking a rule?

Only once, when she snuck out of the house to try to go to a festival that was happening a town over. She knew that Xo wouldn’t let her go because it was winter and there was storm coming that would be brutal, but she had enough faith for herself to go. Of course, she got caught in the storm and Xo barged in like an angry mother to come save her and Yaya had seen that rage at those who tried to harm her, but had never seen it directed at her. Of course, Yaya got sick and wasn’t allowed to leave the house for three weeks.

4. have they broken any rules they now regret breaking?

She regrets breaking the above because she feels extremely guilty about using Xo’s trust in her against them.

5. do they find any rules they/others follow absolutely ridiculous?

She hated the work she had to do as a slave. As far as roles went, it was all menial work and the other slaves made sure she didn’t get anything that would pout her in danger, but she can’t just understand why slavery is a thing.

S: Streets

1. are they street-smart?

One of the many Xo’s taught her is that the world is full of both very bad and very good people, but you never know who is which when you meet them. So always be wary.

2. would they give money to someone on the streets?

Every time she goes out, she tries to. She keeps most if it so she and Xo can feed themselves, but at least 10% of her money she tries to give out.

3. have they ever gotten in a fight on the streets?

No, she’s always been a good runner and a smart girl that if she senses danger, she will run the other way.

4. has anything happened to them on the streets?

No, she’s always had people to look out for her, unless you count when she was kidnapped and sold into slavery.

5. are they cautious when out?

Absolutely. It’s one of the few rules Xo has for her along with ‘Always be back before sundown’, ‘Never go with anyone no matter what they say they have’, and ‘Always beat Tarel at anything involving accuracy just so I can tease him later’.

T: Truth

1. are they honest?

She’s usually brutally honest, unless she’s lying to save someone (or lying to Xo about what she really does all day). But for the most part she will say exactly what’s on her mind whether that’s good or bad.

2. can they tell if someone is lying?

Oh yeah. Girl was taught to be kind, but wary of everyone, so she has a +6 to insight. If she thinks you’re bullshitting her, she will find out.

3. is it obvious when they’re lying?

Not really. Probably to people who are naturally distrusting she would be found out quick, but in the case of lying to Xo, she knows that her mom cares so much about her that they’d believe just about anything she told them just because they believe she has never done anything wrong in her life, ever.

4. have they lied about anything they regret lying about?

She doesn’t necessarily regret lying to Xo about her job, but she does feel incredibly guilty about it because if her mom knew how her little Yaya was getting them bills, they’d probably have a heart attack.

5. have they told truths that have been spread against their will?

Not really. She’s been lucky that most stuff about her life has been kept secret. Xo wants the both of them to live in as much anonymity as possible, and so far that hasn’t been an issue.

U: Underdog

1. have they been bullied?

Definitely, especially in both the places where she was forced to work as a slave.

2. have they bullied anyone?

Nah, Yaya knows how detrimental bullying can be and vows not to do it to anyone. Except possibly Uncle Tarel because she’s just that niece.

3. have they been physically attacked by a bully?

When she was kidnapped by the slavers, she got tackled to the ground and nearly choked out.

4. have they ever been doubted?

When she worked for her first slave family and escaped, the people she left with just planned on having her work in organizational work but then saw how stellar she was at archery.

5. have they surprised people with being good at something?

She surprised almost everyone at being and archer prodigy. Also being good at murder?

V: Vomit

1. do they vomit often?

Nah, she’s got a stomach of steel. She’s worked with enough animals and their shit to keep any food down.

2. do they get lots of stomach aches?

Nope. The only type of sicknesses Yaretzi gets usually is sniffles and head colds.

3. are they good at comforting someone ill?

She’s decent at it. She tried comforting her sister when she had the plague that eventually killed Yaya’s entire family, but since then she’s usually been the youngest everywhere she went, so never really had the practice.

4. what do they like as far as comfort goes?

When she gets head colds, she really likes Xo making her soup or cider and just being tucked in and hugged.

5. do they burp, cough, or hiccup most when nauseous? when vomiting?

She usually does little burps when vomiting. She hates it.

W: Water

1. do they drink enough water?

Xo makes sure that she does, and when she was living with her past caretakers before she and Xo were reunited, they all took her under their wing and made sure she drank enough water.

2. have they learned to swim?

When she was with her previous job, when there was a free day, the people she worked with would teach her how to swim in the nearby stream.

3. do they like to swim?

She likes swimming in the ponds and lakes in the forest, but she really only does it to bathe because she doesn’t like swimming alone.

4. can they dive?

Nah, she’s got the fear of what if she gets stuck upside down.

5. can they swim without holding their nose?

She can, just not for long.

X: Xylophone

1. what is their favorite genre of music?

R&B and anything with a strong bass guitar.

2. do they have a favorite song?

“Rude Boy’ by Rihanna.

3. do they have a favorite band/artist/singer?

If modern music existed, Destiny’s Child or Rihanna.

4. can they sing well?

Her birth mom was a great singer and passed that talent along to Yaya. She doesn’t show it off that much, but it’s enough that one of the things Xo always praises her about (besides everything) is her singing.

5. can they rap?

Girl loves R&B, you bet your ass that the baby dwarphan can rap.

Y: You

1. how old were you when you created them?

18. She was made at the same time as Xochitl.

2. what inspired you to create them?

I wanted Xo to have a “Lee and Clementine” relationship, and thus the dwarfin was born.

3. were they different when they were first created?

I mean, in the sense that she developed as a person as she grew up, but how I intended her to be, not really. I wanted her to be more idealistic as a small child and be more realist and hardened as she grew up. She’s still definitely more idealistic than Xo is, but she’s a salted caramel.

4. do you enjoy writing them more than other characters?

I haven’t really done much with Yaya, but I do love her as a character. I really like playing with child characters because they’re not super mature but they can be major ass kickers.

5. what’s your favorite thing about them?

She just wants her mom to be happy and not have to worry about her. But by striving to fix that, she ends up making Xo worry about her more because of how dangerous Yaretzi’s job is.

Z: Zebra

1. what’s their favorite animal?

Deer. She likes watching them in the forest when she’s working.

2. do they like animals?

She loves animals. Her mom’s a druid and at a lot of her previous jobs she had to work with animals.

3. cats or dogs?

Doggos. She loves big animals and like Xo, feels at peace when surrounded by animals.

4. what’s their dream pet?

She’s not going to lie, she thinks it’d be rad to have a tiger as a pet. At her old just they had a couple tigers and she loved spending time with them and feeding them.

5. do they have any pets at the moment?

She has Buttons the direbear (no longer a cub anymore), but Xo insists on Yaretzi calling Buttons her sister.

[bigboobshaunt]

Have you ever made a top 10 list of vidya you like? I enjoy reading your insight into games and I think it would be interesting to see that list and your reasons for liking them.

What is your favorite… sibling? Body part??

OK like, technically I did already make one, on this very site a long time ago (technically I reviewed the 10 that made the cut, separately), but I’m not super crazy about my analysis skills then and many that were on that list just ended up changing with time - both because I played more games and because I just ended up realizing I liked different games better.

Given that I absolutely love running my horrible mouth for probably way too long, your ask made me want to do one again, which was already an idea somewhere on the back of my mind.

A couple of disclaimers before we actually get into it: 

No game is perfect. Games are made by human beings, who carry personal biases and intrinsic flaws. I love a ton of games and they are All flawed in different ways and amounts. If anyone tells you a piece of media is straight up perfect, you should run. I am not claiming any of the games on this list are perfect, and I am well aware of their issues. I have eyes and can read.

This is my list, the barometer for it is Me. If anyone reading this takes issue with picks (which is something I keep seeing happen and it still makes no sense) just simply don’t interact or make your own list. Not looking for arguments here.

These are not, of course, gonna be in-depth for all of the games, just what exactly makes me like them so much, which was what I was asked. There are only so many spoons an enby can have, after all.

I tried keeping it to one game per franchise (barring one arguable exception) because otherwise this would get much, much harder than it already was.

Additionally, I failed to round out 10 of them, only managing 9. I beat around the bush a LOT about what the 10th one was gonna be, but no matter what choice, I always felt like I was gonna betray myself in the end, so I have reserved a section for honorable mentions at the end. These are also not numerically ranked, because while I have a long-standing Favorite game of all time, which is the last one I’ll get to, the other ones occupy uncertain, ever-changing spots.

I’m currently sitting atop a good pile of games I’ve been meaning to check out for ages, and since 2 games I’ve played recently made this list, I think it’s prudent to also make a spot for games I plan on playing to completion soon.

Here you go, anon! (And anyone else who might be interested)

Stardew Valley:

This game is both the most recent release to be on this list and also the newest entry, since it literally hasn’t been a month since I’ve finished it, and that’s part of why I placed it first here.

Though saying I “finished it” is kind of a lie, and that in itself reveals the magic, even after the “soft ending” I just keep going back to it every day, because it’s a world that just puts me in such a relaxed state… I want to spend time in my farm with my bisexual husband every day and I’m already planning two other playthroughs even if my first one is already creeping up on 100 hours!

See also: I’m… not particularly into farming sims? I’ve tried getting into them before but I just found them a little inane and unfocused, if that makes sense, so if my love for a game can transcend even a genre itself, I’d say that’s a pretty well-executed game, generally speaking.

I just also find it super endearing that the entire game was made by one person. From the artwork, the writing and the soundtrack… it’s crystal clear that a LOT of love and genuine effort went into it, and that’s very heartwarming and gives me hope.

Speaking of love, it’s also the entry in this list that has the most queer representation in it, and that’s a huuuuge plus for me, as a nonbinary bisexual. It’s a pretty cute game, and it also still manages to juggle a lot of complex themes which are very personally relatable to me with surprising tact.

Pokémon Black and White:

This is going to date this post pretty hard, but I’m actually replaying this one riiiight now. It’s actually right next to me on the table. How quaint!

These have been my favorite main Pokémon games since their release, and it’s largely a case of me being awed by its story and characters when I didn’t expect to be. I also really appreciate the risk these ones took by excluding Pokémon of previous regions to post-game content, since it forces you to get to know the new ones (which are both plentiful and incredibly creative imho!!) as you make your team.

I really appreciate the moral themes explored in this game, and how they even toyed with core concepts that had been with the series from the word go, questioning the morality we were just supposed to accept from the onset of this franchise, to the point that I’ve seen many people feel guilty about opposing this game’s main antagonistic force, N (who’s one of my favorite characters in fiction, at that).

If we’re talking strictly about casts as collective, this one has my favorite, without a doubt, in terms of rivals, antagonists, gym leaders, and even other minor npcs. I liked how they managed to effectively tie in the gym leaders with the plot, which really should be done more often, and I feel the games suffer when that doesn’t happen (hey X and Y! what’s up). The character development a lot of characters get in the sequel (which while still good, I’m not as fond of) is also very good!

Am I also still salty about folks passing this one up and then posting misinformed, under-researched opinions about it, or even deriding the Pokémon designs? Maybe! …Yeah, okay, I am. I have vivid memories of forum posts at the time, okay?

Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Time/Darkness/Sky:

So this was the exception I was hinting at before, in the disclaimers. It’s a spin-off that’s quite different than the main series in gameplay, so I’m counting it. I really couldn’t live with myself if I made a list of my fave games and didn’t put this one in it, seeing as it’s one of the most surefire ways to make me cry there ever were.

Much like the previous entry, this one is yet another case of the writing taking me entirely by surprise. It would have been very easy to make this spin-off a quick cash-in just using the Pokémon name, but hot damn does this one’s narrative deliver in good writing.

The previous Mystery Dungeon game was absolutely no slouch in touching very dark themes, but I do feel like those were executed both better and more uniquely in the “sequel.”

Every part of this game past the time travel is just lip-smacking, and although it starts slow, you can definitely see pleeeenty of foreshadowing nearly everywhere, which makes replaying this one very fun. It’s definitely also on my “Must replay at least once a year” list as well.

I think every game in this list has a great soundtrack, but this one takes the cake in utilizing it to heighten my emotions. I think everyone reading this who’s familiar with the game knows what I mean when I say that the farewell scene (and the track that plays in it) is completely heartwrenching and beautiful. Definitely one of my favorite scenes in gaming.

I’m also gonna give a shoutout to the relationship between the player and the partner here for being super endearing and genuinely touching, whether you see it as romantic or platonic.

Sidenote: I will have the liver of that one reviewer who stopped at Apple Woods and then said this game was nothing special.

The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask:

The prize for reused assets done well goes to…

I would follow that up with a joke, but I’m not gonna. This is legitimately a good thing imo. I think it’s incredible that this game was made in one year because they had to rush it, and there’s a lot you can learn about game design and creatively cutting corners by the way Termina was created, too.

The fact that this game came out as great as it did is almost a miracle, everything considered! I really like the setting here, it’s so delightfully weird, and it makes me care about the fate of even its incredibly minor characters, which makes their impending doom and that of Link’s even more harrowing.

I could see how the time-management aspect of it wouldn’t fly with a lot of people, and admittedly I’m most familiar with the 3DS remake, so I can’t comment too much on how it used to be originally, but I think it largely synergizes well with the story. This IS a world about to end, so it feels warranted in a way that could be tough to justify otherwise.

This game also does something very well with horror, both in-game and in backstory, which is that it doesn’t spell out every implication and event out for you, but it implies juuuust enough that your mind makes you even more anxious and paranoid, as nothing could ever be as scary as your mind actually makes it out to be, and toying with this is way better than outright throwing scary shit at you… even if this game does that as well, what with those mask transformations and whatnot! Jeez.

Undertale:

I don’t know how to start this entry without outright saying this in some shape or form, so it’ll have to do - I don’t care about the fandom. I just don’t. They’ll do whatever the fuck they want with those terrible AUs and character biases, and I’ll bemoan it as usual, but I actively refuse to stop loving Undertale as it is because of them.

This game is a brilliant commentary on video games as a whole and has a great metanarrative! Pretty brilliantly and excellently executed, to be honest. It’s also yet another game that makes me cry frequently, and also makes me introspect more than I already do.

The gameplay itself can be hit or miss for me, but I don’t feel like it hurts the strength of what is there in other areas like storytelling, worldbuilding, soundtrack and character writing. It’s a bit like pinching a very hearty, stout elephant!

The different endings offer very, very different experiences that ultimately contribute to this setting and its commentary as a whole, even if I’m too much of a goody-two-shoes to ever do the No Mercy Run, but I enjoy the fact that it exists AND that the game itself calls me out for not doing it myself but watching it on youtube. Boy, did I get read for filth with that one. 

It’s also a game that masterfully implements a very specific kind of humor that I can’t get enough of, and it does so while simultaneously developing its characters and giving each of them just enough time to shine. It’s a great cast, all in all. I just wish people would appreciate more than one of the characters.

Fire Emblem: Awakening:

Like the game that made me etch a symbol on my fucking flesh forever wouldn’t make the cut. Come on.

I feel like this is the game in the series that comes the closest to getting the balance of qualities I appreciate about gaming right. It could always be better in a multitude of areas, but there’s a reason why it’s one of my most replayed games in general. The more whimsical tone? Doesn’t actually come close to bothering me, at the end of the day.

A lot of people don’t really attempt to get to know the characters like, at all, and then go on to say really dumb shit about them on social media that I’ve been known to flip the fuck about, just a little. But there’s just so many little details and anecdotes about them that you can learn through supports that make them feel more familiar to me, personally, than other casts even within the same series.

This game is also the one responsible for getting me through a really hard time in real life, so of course I still hold it extremely dear while growing out my critical lenses about it simultaneously (Yes, this can in fact be done). It did something similar to the franchise, too, which is always incredible and noteworthy!

It’s also responsible for me being on this site, so you really can say that its impact on my life is the biggest on this list, and I’m… not at all ashamed of admitting that.

I’m pretty sure I’ve spent over 500 hours with this one, without even counting the hours spent re-reading supports and other convos for my writing. This is a lot of goddamn time, but I don’t necessarily want it back, and that’s a good thing.

Udobure owns my soul.

Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia:

If you were to suck out my brain into this fucked up jar thing and make it spit out my aesthetic biases in creative goop that creates games, two of them would come forth from this messy birth - Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia and Bloodborne.

Given that I’ve actually played OoE myself, it goes on the list! End overview.

…Now, that’s not exactly untrue, but I would be underselling the game if I left that as is, so I’ll clarify other aspects about it that I enjoy.

The main character, for one, she’s one of my favorite protagonists, and it makes me glad she seemed to be popular, but I’m not exactly thrilled with how what a lot of people (and the company) remember about her is fanservice. 

Her story really struck a chord with me. She’s been robbed of her own emotions and memories at the start of the game, and when she regains slivers of it throughout the game, they still feel foreign to her, but even when things look to be at their absolute lowest (REAL nice plot twist, by the by!) not even that will stop her from performing her duty.

Another thing I enjoyed about this one was the difficulty. Normally, I’m not one to prefer the higher settings just because, and even when I try them, I frequently find myself in the position of questioning the absolute bullshit some games pull to fake any actual difficulty, but it works here because it’s actually balanced really well with what you can do and what you have available to you, making you actually think strategically.

Another thing I liked about this title that makes it stand out from the rest of the series is the map variety, since Shanoa isn’t constrained to Castlevania for the entire run, the game has an actual opportunity to show different locales, which is nice, even if they sometimes get reused in a boring way with just a different paint job.

Bayonetta:

Thiiiiis one gets on here for the longest period of courtship, without a doubt. I’ve been wanting to play it ever since it came out, but only got around to it this very year, since it was finally released on a platform I owned.

Well, alright, that’s one of the reasons, the other reason it’s here? It’s fun as FUCK to play! Every movement you make, every action flows into another and the combos all feel very natural, easy, but not devoid of strategy or thinking behind them. Beyond the gameplay, the entire thing is so darn over-the-top in typical Platinum fashion. It’s a very enjoyable ride that never forgets video games are supposed to be fun, above all.

I absolutely adore Bayonetta herself as a character. She is so amazing and multi-faceted despite the fanservice packaging. She’s quipping like the best of them in one scene, like nothing ever affects her, and then also ripping your heart out later when she shows believable vulnerability. 

I would be remiss to not mention the soundtrack, since it’s one of my favorites in gaming (beaten only by the very next entry on here) and is also my go-to for writing; Between fun, catchy themes like Mysterious Destiny and Tomorrow Is Mine, reimaginings of older songs that imho are better than the originals, like Fly Me To The Moon and Moon RIver and utterly jaw-dropping boss themes like Blood and Darkness and The Greatest Jubilee, the OST conveys every beat of the action spectacularly and makes the experience even more memorable than it would have already been.

Bayojeanne forever.

Legend of Mana:

I swear I’m not trying to be hipster-y by having my favorite one also be the least popular one on the list (by a long shot) but it’s likely that the fact that content for it is so rare somewhat influenced how close this game is to my heart, in a way. I think it made me cherish it more.

You won’t find another game quite like this one, I don’t think. The setting is extremely unique in that… you build it. You have to decide where every area in the game goes and all. It’s actually implied you’re rebuilding this world after all the magic in it has gone to shit. It’s something I really like, for sure.

It definitely makes you work for its story, and though the gist of it is presented in a cumbersome way, being exposited in history tomes you can acquire and view in a specific location… even they don’t completely spell out the backstory of this world, but in a good way rather than the usual “we blatantly didn’t finish this” kind of way. It helps that there is a lot you can learn about it from environmental storytelling and interpretation, as well. I like that, being asked to think about symbolism and what it means.

Another good point about this game that’s difficult to articulate is that it manages to create an entire world with its own set of morals and philosophies that, if taken at face value, can sound completely alien to us, but the game immerses me so deep into its world, that I end up understanding what they mean by it anyways and sympathizing where I might have not. I think that helped shape my introspective nature a lot, in retrospect. 

 There’s also the fact that although the four biggest story arcs aren’t actually linked at all, they do still absolutely play into the same major theme… even if a lot of people end up missing what it is due to how obtuse this game can be (It’s love, my dudes. Love and its classical understandings are the theme that permeates this game’s setting).

It’s also absolutely impossible for me to talk about Legend of Mana without gushing about its art design. Even if the graphics themselves aren’t great, the way it implements backgrounds still completely floors me every time I play. It does really interesting things with perspective, which you don’t see often. Hell, even the aptly-named Junkyard is unreasonably gorgeous.

The soundtrack, then? It’s Yoko Shimomura at her absolute best. It goes all the way between upbeat melodies and soul-rending compositions and it’s just intensely distinctive. A special note goes to the song City of Flickering Destruction, which still makes my heart tighten even after so many years.

Whew uh, this got long… if you’ve read this far, congratulations! You certainly can put up with an untold amount of bullshit. I’m sorry this became so disorganized, but I also… really enjoy sharing these. Really, I do. I hope I at least piqued your interest with even one of these entries. That alone would make writing this worth it a thousand times over.

Honorable mentions: Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones, Fire Emblem: New Mystery of the Emblem, Earthbound, Bloodborne, Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate, Pokémon Emerald, Pokémon Sun, Pokémon Ranger: Shadows of Almia,  The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, Metroid Prime 3: Corruption, Digimon World Dusk, Super Mario Sunshine, Super Mario Galaxy, New Super Mario Bros., Super Smash Bros For 3DS, Silent Hill 3, Resident Evil, Resident Evil 4, Resident Evil: Revelations, Resident Evil: Revelations 2, Bravely Default, Night in the Woods, Shovel Knight, Zero Escape: 9 Hours 9 Persons 9 Doors, Okami, Sonic 3 & Knuckles.

To play list: Dragon Age: Origins, Transistor, Bastion, The Darkness II, Skyrim, Hollow Knight, Dark Souls, Dark Souls II,  Sonic Mania, Resident Evil 5, Resident Evil 6, Alan Wake, Sonic Mania, Kingdom Hearts.