#technically its been 20 i know but you know what i was cleaning out my drafts and i was not expecting this to blow up help me i stg
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chaosandstardust · 9 months ago
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It's been 10 years and how the fuck did Zuko mess up TEA?????
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mrfoox · 2 years ago
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I really can't deal with pushy people who mean "well" /:
#miranda talking shit#People who tell me to just do things... Just do that just do this#If things were that easy so i could just ... Do them . Id not have any problems :')#'i have to force myself too' buddy i dont doubt that but my level if forcing myself extends to things you find natural#I force myself out of bed every day . I force myself to eat. I force myself to be social i force myself to clean myself i force myself-#I know they mean well i know that. But hearing i just have to force myself is so tiring. Like i do that every single day with basic stuff#Why do you think im so tired? On bad days i have to force myself to do actual hobbies which i know i enjoy. My life has always been forced#I think normal people understand the concept of force doing stuff but to them its limited to specific things#His example was forcing himself to go to the gym and i... I know you want well but i am forcing myself to be alive thats not something you#Do. You dont dread everything around you. Your advice is not helpful please just ... Don't#Like im technically doing better now than what i was a month ago. Im going in the right direction but im still not good#Heck ive not been good since i was a toddler#But being reminded aboht how my efforts are not enough is always a punch to the face. I dont need to be told shit i have to tell#Myself daily to wake up. It just reminds me how pathetic and worthless my existence is#Went from having a bad day to a shitty day in a matter of 20 mins so thats cool#Another reminder how my shitty efforts is never going to be enough for anyone and no one will ever give a shit about me#Negative
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thejujvtsupost · 9 months ago
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My Blood Looks Good On You -> The Beginning
Filling in for a coworker who you moonlight with might lead you directly where you didn’t know you needed.
Notes: F!reader, Pro boxer!Toji, light age gap (Toji is early 30's and reader is mid 20's), pet names (angel, baby, sweetheart), reader is smaller than Toji, reader is a nurse, light violence (boxing injuries). <3 lmk if you want to be added to the tag list!
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Technically you weren’t supposed to moonlight, it was against the policy of your job at the hospital to be employed by another healthcare company. Unfortunately you needed the money, so for the last two months you’ve been moonlighting at an independent hospital secretly.
You were careful, no one would find out. Which is why your current situation put you on edge…
Your friend, Shoko, stays on hand at some boxing gym on her days off from the independent facility- and Shoko had the flu and desperately needed you to fill in for her.
“Please? You’re the only other nurse certified for stitches and meds. I’ll do all your charting for a week, it’s just one night. All you have to do is meet up with Geto, he’s got long dark hair and I’ll text him so he’ll wait by the back door for you, then go to the locker room and treat Fushiguro. He’s hard headed and a little cold and barely talks to me but not so bad, and the gig pays more than six shifts combined.
You were helpless, naturally a people pleaser and unable to say no to a friend- or that money. There was a match tonight, someone would no doubt need care. But going to a high profile event would only make it harder for you. What if one of your coworkers saw you? You’d be toast. It would be fine, you just keep your head low and follow directions and nothing would go wrong.
The event already started and was close to finishing by the time you got to the door, and just like Shoko said there was a man waiting for you. “You the nurse?“
“Yes?” You give him your name but its hard to sound confident in front of such a large man and he chuckled at your nervousness.
“I’m Suguru. Relax, you aren’t the one in the ring. Toji’s already taken a few hits so far, might as well get set up in the locker room.”
He lead you through several hallways, the crowd cheering loudly, until you reached the locker room. “Does Mr. Fushiguro know I’m here in Shoko’s place? I don’t know if it makes a difference or if he has a preference- but she said he can be…”
“An asshole? Oh yeah, that’s Toji. But he’s not a bad guy, just a little rough around the edges. If he says something to you just brush it off, though he might not talk to you at all. I told him someone else would be coming but it takes him a while before he accepts newcomers.”
“I was gonna say cold, but thanks for the heads up.”
You set your medical bag on the bench and Suguru wheeled over a cart for you to work off of. “Thank you, anything else I should know about?”
“Don’t be too stiff and professional, he hates that shit. So just relax and do your thing, and don’t stare at his scar too long. I figure you know better as a nurse but it’s worth saying.”
“Got it. Do you have a sink? I’d like a bowl of water just in case I need to clean blood away.”
“You got it, he should be coming back here any minute. He showers first.” You nodded and set your supplies out for easy access, then washed your hands in the sink Suguru used for the water.
The door banged open and the sound of several sets of feet barged into the room afterward like a stampede; everyone trying to get Toji’s attention before they were pushed out by Suguru and another man you didn’t know.
You only got a glimpse of him, but Toji was huge. You didn’t know a guy could get that muscular…
Suguru noticed your face and laughed, “I’ll introduce you, he’s in a good mood too. He won, he always wins but his competitor was tough this match.”
Standing out of the way was a good idea while people in various roles made themselves busy, you made yourself invisible until almost everyone was out and Toji was dressed from the waist down with a towel around his neck and ready for treatment.
And oh… okay, you weren’t prepared for how attractive this man actually was… and you were staring. And by the smirk he was sporting, he noticed.
Thankfully Suguru prevented you from further embarrassment by giving him your name, “This is Shoko’s friend, she’s a trained medic and nurse like Shoko so she’s very capable.”
Toji was eyeing you up, and you did your best to put forward your confidence. “I’d like to disinfect-”
“Do your thing sweetheart, don’t need to explain everything.” He was talking smoothly for someone with a busted lip.
You nodded and ignored your blush at the nickname, and began pulling on gloves. You hated causing anyone pain but the cuts needed cleaned. His occupation meant he probably wouldn’t even flinch but it didn’t help the pit you’d feel in your stomach every time you had to do sutures or disinfectant procedures.
“Turn your head to the left please.”
Toji complied, “You just wanna look at my good side, huh?”
Was he… was he flirting with you? Wasn’t he supposed to be cold and grumpy? You looked to Suguru for help but he seemed amused. “Quit flirtin’ and let her do her job, you’re still bleeding y’know.”
“I think you’re just mad I’m talking her up before you can.”
That made you snort and immediately clear your throat to unsuccessfully cover it. “See? I’m already makin’ her laugh.”
“This is going to sting.” Your hand was ready with a cotton ball of disinfectant for the cut on his temple.
“Not when I’m looking at you- ow! fuck! What the hell is that?”
Suguru couldn’t contain his laughter and it echoed off the lockers. “Mostly alcohol, I have some stick on sutures for it after it’s dry. Other than your lip and temple, is anywhere else hurt?”
Toji waved his hand, “Nah, he didn’t get much of a chance to hit me before I took him out.”
You made quick work of the cut and swapped out your supplies, luck wasn’t on your side though, when you turned around and fell directly into him. Your heads collided (earning a groan from both of you) but he caught you around the waist otherwise. “Fallin’ for me already sweetheart?”
He was definitely flirting with you, Shoko must’ve been joking about him being closed off. “I am so sorry, I can’t believe I just did that- oh god your lip is bleeding everywhere!” You were fiercely embarrassed by your own clumsiness, flustered and trying to free yourself from Toji’s hold but he wouldn’t let go.
“Hey s’not a big deal. I’m hard headed though, you’re not hurt?” He sounded so concerned, so genuine. It made your heart race just the tiniest bit. “Huh…”
You were still too discombobulated to school your demeanor. You’ve never had a problem being professional, this man was effecting you way too much. “What? You gotta let me go so I can go gauze before you die from blood loss!”
“You got my blood on your cheek, it’s kinda hot.”
Yeah, you wanted to crawl in a hole and die. “Oh my god this is a disaster. I’m so sorry, just let me finish up?”
Toji didn’t stop staring at you (which was unnerving) while you finished treating him. “Sorry again! Shoko should be feeling better in a few days, I’ll make sure she knows about your cuts!”
The bag you came in with was packed away and the used materials discarded, without another word you beelined for the door. “Hold it!”
Your body betrayed you and listened. “Suguru get her number. That okay with you sweetheart?” His voice was much softer when directed at you.
You nodded and texted the number Suguru gave to exchange your information, and saved the contact. Technically they could call Shoko if they had concerns but still, she was sick and you were the one that treated him.
When you bid them goodbye and finally made it out in the fresh air you took your first deep breath in what felt like hours.
It was useless, because not two minutes later on your way to the station, someone ran into full force and knocked the wind out of you when you fell.
“Jeez you shouldn’t run-” and truly, you wish you hadn’t looked up.
Because right in front of you- the man that knocked you over while you were holding a full medical bag and wearing a jacket with a different company logo, was your boss. Tonight really wasn’t your night.
Fuck, you were caught.
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• Series Index -> Next
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Thinking about making your request? Check my bio to see if they’re open !
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asp1diske-art · 7 months ago
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Your technical skill with lineart and shading is amazing in itself, but it's your ability to convey emotion and atmosphere in your work that is trademark to me :) its incredible how you can show through gesture and body language just what these masked, expressionless characters are feeling, and how the environment itself conveys that. Your lurien comics, especially the one that ends in something along the lines of "I return to the kingdom you abandoned" are I think the spark that made Lurien go from Some Guy to Deeply Interesting for me, and your use of color pop and shaky line contributed so much to the feeling in those comics. You are one of the artists whose skill at evoking emotions I aspire to <3
Oh wow, I've been reading and re-reading this for the last 20 minutes this is amazing.
So, emotions!
If there is one thing I'm proud to have accomplished during my time in Hollow Knight, it's the skill of expressing tone. Because here's the thing, facial expressions are just one of the many components of tone. (I even wrote about this in another ask some time ago.) Colors, gestures, camera angle, lighting, paneling, lines and narration - all of these come together to convey the mood of the scene.
Check out these wips from the Watcher and the Watched comic, for example.
You can see that color played a huge role in setting the atmosphere in the comic. It shows that this comic is taking place in the Watcher's Spire, but it also gives a dark, subdued feeling that wouldn't come from idk, a yellow background. The backlight emphasizes the ominous tone of the last page. As does Lurien's pose - coupled with the butler looking up and Lurien looking down, it makes it look like Lurien is looming over his butler (and the reader). All this builds up to deliver Lurien's lines with maximum impact.
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So yeah, a lot goes into conveying tone in comics, and I'm very happy to hear that it was recieved well!!
The Lurien, Dreamer comic. It's almost 2 years old now but it's still one of the favorite comics I drew about him. Together with the City of Tears comic, it's the epitome of my interpretation of Lurien. My characterization of Lurien's relationship with the Pale King was quite different from the usual fanon at the time (I don't know how it is now, I haven't gone into the tags in years haha) and I wasn't really sure how people would take it. So I'm glad to hear that it got you interested in Lurien!
It's the one that took the longest too lol. Usually I draw comics in a single setting, but that one took 3 days. Besides Two Ghosts (which was an 18 chapter+@ comic that was over 50p and took about 2 months), no other comic has broken this record. I put in a lot of care into it, and it still holds a special place in my heart.
Honestly half the reason I use messy, sketchy lines is that I suck at drawing clean lines lmao. But I like to think that I've made the best of it and utilized it as an art style. In that comic especially, because the whole thing takes place in the dream realm and I wanted to give a rough, unreal feel to it.
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I'd show breakdowns of this one too but the file is so big it keeps crashing lol. (Pro tip - draw your comic pages in separate files. Don't be like me and draw 300dpi 10p comics with 30 layers in each page in a single canvas. It will crash and you will be sad.) But drawing the White Palace was a interesting challenge because I usually draw in highly saturated colors whereas the Palace is, well, white. So I had to work out a way to color this without making everything looking grey, while also making it recognizable as the palace. iirc I used a lot of overlay & burn & dodge layers along with a few difference & subtract layers to give the white a slight yellow tint to stand out from the dark blue. (I'm pretty sure they're the culprits crashing the file.)
Sorry this got long, I really took this as an invitation to ramble about my art hkfsldjkflj
Thank you for all the compliments! It's an honor to hear that my art could be someone's aspiration, and I'm very happy that all my Lurien art got someone else into Lurien. I hope you have a nice day :D
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obsessedwithitall · 6 months ago
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Speak Now (Eddie Munson au)
I have been on a month long Taylor Swift kick so this is came from Speak Now. I've got a few bits I took out so I may write some extra bits to add them as sides... see how I feel. Theres also a few flashbacks, if its confusing I'm sorry.
Enjoy 🩷
Word count: 2.2k
Read part 2 here
****
“You are married. You can kiss now.”
“Ewww.” The boys all groaned dramatically and the girls giggled. You were all stood behind the tall wall on the playground, you holding hands with Toby. Becky held some daisies she'd picked from the grass in one hand, and had a handful of freshly cut grass for confetti in the other. This was the best 7 year old wedding this school had ever seen.
“Stop the wedding. You can't get married.” Eddie threw his hand in the air.
You stamped your foot and protested, dropping Toby’s hand. “No, we’re already married.”
“I saw on TV, that someone goes, “stop getting married, he’s dead.””
“How can my husband be dead, he’s here?”
“I don't know, it was on TV.” He shrugged.
***
The metal bar burned your hand as you spun upside down on it causing your plaits to fall away from their normal position.
Eddie’s face crowded yours. “Why did you marry Toby and not me?”
You flipped yourself the right way up and pulled your dress down. “You went to the bathroom and Toby asked me.”
“I asked first.”
“But Toby has been my boyfriend all day so I had to marry him.”
You both sat down on two wooden steps and you started picking at the grass beneath them. Neither of you spoke for a few minutes until the bell rang for you to go back to the classroom.
Eddie tapped your shoulder in the line. “I’ll marry you tomorrow, ok?”
You nodded. “Ok.”
***
Growing up was hard. Keeping in touch with friends was hard. After school finished you thought you'd be friends forever but things get in the way. You moved away for college, you forgot to call, they forgot to call. Nothing happened you just grew apart.
You came back from college and your mum managed to get you a job in her church café. You weren’t particularly religious but they basically let you pick your own shifts and they paid decently. One thing you loved about your job was that you were able to sneak off and look at the events happening. You did always enjoy seeing people in their best clothes, all the family and friends together for big life changes.
This one particular Saturday, there was a big wedding in. When the café was empty and you’d spent the last 20 minutes cleaning the same table, you decided it wouldn’t hurt to lock the door and take a peak next door.
The church yard was bustling with people trying to find their friends and meeting family members they hadn’t seen for years. There was a face you recognised, it wasn’t a huge town, that was going to happen, but this was your old school friend.
“Y/N!! You’re here! I was waiting for you to turn up.” Becky hugged you tightly, “How you doing?”
You prised yourself from her grasp and stood back to look at her dress. “Yeah, I'm good. You look lovely.”
“Thank you so much. You look...” she paused, looking you up and down.
“This is my work clothes. I’m technically working at the moment but I just popped in from next door. The cafe will be ok for a bit.”
“Thank god, I was worried this was a choice and you’d lost your mind.”
A few more old school friends wandered over, greeting Becky, probably not quite recognising you after these few years. All your old school group was there and a lot more you knew but weren’t friends with. It was strange.
“Is someone from school getting married?”
“What? Y/N.... you don't know....”Toby questioned.
“Meg. Meg is getting married.” Becky shouted, giving the boy across from her a warning look.
****
“How beautiful is this?” Meg gushed. “I want my wedding just like this.”
You had known Meg for years. She was always in the background at school, not really hanging around after class. Annoying was probably a good word for her without being too mean. She was pushy and demanding usually got what she wanted in the end. So it was no doubt that she'd get the pink wedding of her dreams. Unluckily her cousin was marrying your cousin, so when she saw you and suggested you sit together, you were so glad your mum had said Eddie could come along too.
“This is nice, but it's very...pink.” From the pink ribbons and flowers on the pews, to the pink carpet down the aisle and the pink bridesmaids dresses and even your cousin, the groom, in a pink suit, it was all a bit much.
“When I get married it won't be anything like this.” Eddie whispered.
You laughed in disbelief. “What?”
“Can you imagine me getting married in a church?”
“No offence, but I can't imagine you getting married at all.”
“At all?”
“Yeah, you’ve never seemed like the type.”
“You think I'm that hopeless?”
“No, just one to be a bit wild and free. Maybe if the right person came along.”
Eddie went quiet for a second. He looked away from you towards the front of the church, thinking about something.
“I think sometimes the right person is already there. We just got to realise it.”
What was that suppose to mean? “You've got somebody in mind, have you?” you played it off as a joke but you were secretly desperate to know more about this mystery person Eddie was planning his life with.
“Maybe.” You’re heart ached a little. Not only was he planning a future wedding but he’d already thought of who it was to, too. He’d put more thought into his future than his no cares attitude made out. If only that future could be yours too.
“Well, you better invite me to the wedding. I want to see that with my own eyes.” You smiled, hoping this was the time he'd confess his secret love for you and you'd be living the wedding of your dreams marrying your childhood crush.
“Don’t worry. You'll have a front row seat.” Confirmed, not you.
“Shhh.” Meg scolded, “I can't hear the organ music.”
***
After the reception, while seeing the bride and groom off Meg popped up next to you. “I haven’t really spoken to Eddie before. He’s quite cute really, isn’t he?”
“Sorry?”
“Eddie, I like him.” She whispered. “He’s cute.”
Eddie caught your eye across the path and rolled his eyes when he saw you’d got trapped with Meg again. You tried not to laugh.
“Yeah, I suppose.”
“Is he single?”
Her brashness surprised you. He was but you really didn’t want Meg to stop him being. “I don’t know if you’re really his...type.”
“We’ll see.” And she smiled a sickly sweet smile.
****
The church was....the only word you could use to describe it was pink. Very pink. Looks like Meg got the wedding she wanted, you laughed to yourself. Guests were milling around seeming to look for seats.
“Come sit with us.” Becky pulled on your arm.
You shook your head. “I'm not actually invited, I'm just having a look, I can't stay.”
“They won't know and you’re here now anyway, just come sit with me.”
Against your better judgement you say down next you her at the aisle end of the pew, close enough to the back that you could dash out whenever you needed without being noticed much.
“Eddie’s here.” Someone behind you said.
Before you could fully turn around he was in aisle next to you. After all these years he looked even better than before. Hair done all neatly, very smart in a suit , nicer than anything you knew he owned...shit...was this his wedding? Was Eddie actually getting married? Front row seat my arse, he hadn’t even invited you.
Eddie didn't see you as he made his way to the front of the church pulling a tight lipped smile at people saying hello to him. You were glad he hadn’t seen you. He hadn’t invited you, he obviously didn't want you there. You regretted not exactly staying in touch, but you didn't think he was that mad about it. He clearly was.
“He looks very smart.” Your voice came out in a whisper.
“Meg looks like a pastry. Like a huge danish.” One of the other girls from school told Becky quietly. “I did her make up and ran out of that room as quickly as I could. I was not spending any more time with her than I had to. She kept yelling at everyone. I get its stressful, but calm down.”
You laughed. But inside you were breaking a little.
****
“I feel stupid.” Your arms flapped down at your sides against the poofball skirt of the bright green dress you’d pulled to try.
“You look stupid.” Eddie chuckled from his chair in the dressing room mirror.
“I needed Becky for this not you.”
“She’s at busy working. I’m helping.”
“You’re not helping, you're just laughing at me. You don't know anything about dresses.” He didn’t. You weren’t sure why he’d even agreed to come. You hadn’t seen each other in months, you being at college now and him still being at high school.
“What did your mom want?”
“She said whatever I felt comfortable in.”
You stepped back into the changing room and sighed. There was only a couple dresses left. Your mom had sprung this wedding on you very quickly. You’d known Derek for years. You know he’d been looking in on your mom after you went to college. You even knew they’d been out on dates. But you didn’t know it was this serious. Your summer home from college was meant to be spent with your friends having a good time, not helping your mum plan her second wedding to a man you didn’t really like.
Eddies voice interrupted your thoughts. “You going to do the I object thing?”
“People don’t do that in real life.”
“You don't like your stepdad, do you?”
“No.... not really. But Derek makes my mom happy. And I suppose he’s not an awful guy. As long as someone’s happy surely you should leave them alone.”
“I missed you.” Why did he need to do that now?
Stepping out the doors, Eddie didn’t say anything. Bad. He never not got something to say, you thought.
Tears threatened to spill from your eyes and you turned to go back to get your clothes on, but a hand on your wrist stopped you.
“You look beautiful.”
You did. Eddie stood behind you looking in the mirror at you in the dress. He didn't make eye contact and you were thankful because you would have been to embarrassed to ever look at him again. His face was full of love and admiration, and you weren’t quite sure you deserved it.
You pulled the tag out to the side to get a look at the price.
“Oh my god. My mom’s going to kill me.”
“What?”
“It’s 80$.”
“But you look so pretty.”
“Ed, I can't afford this. I need to take it off right now.”
He put both hands on your shoulders and held you to stop you running away. “I’ll pay for it.”
You shook your head violently. “No.”
“Yes.”
“No, you can't do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because you need that money. You don't have 80$.”
“You don't know how much money I have.”
“I don’t exactly but I know you don't have 80$.”
“Whatever your mom gave you, I'll pay the rest. It won't be 80$ and you get the dress.”
His thumbs stroked your shoulders and he span you around to the mirror again. You took another look at yourself in the dress. It was perfect. It was exactly what you'd wanted, you're mom would be happy...no, you couldn't do it.
“I’ll meet you by the register.”
And that was that. You couldn’t, but Eddie would.
****
The music started up and there was no chance for you to leave now. You were trapped. The bridesmaids started down the aisle with the groomsmen and then Meg with her father, looking exactly like a danish. Eddie looked as if he would vomit.
“Are they happy at least?” your eyes still on Eddie's face but the question aimed at Becky.
“Personally...I think this is a mistake. I told him, but you know what he's like. He only would ever listen to you.”
“Well, he’s marrying her so she can't be that bad.”
She disagreed. “This is all her. I don't think he wants to get married. There’s also a rumour she sleeping with her dentist.”
Your mind raced through the eyes of the crowd, looking for anyone who knew Eddie who looked like they thought this was a good idea. Why hadn't he told you? Why hadn't anyone else told you? It was too late now...he’d made a decision.
The pastor began his speech but it was all a blur until he got to the bit everyone was waiting for.
“Speak now or forever hold your peace.”
Everyone took a breath. Complete stillness. It was as if everyone expected someone to say something.
Becky gave you an almighty push and you fell onto your knees in the aisle. Everyone turned and looked to where the noise had come from. You stood back up quickly but Becky moved down the pew so there was no longer anywhere for you to sit.
“Y/N...” Eddie spoke quietly. Your eyes shot to his. He smiled. A genuine smile. He looked...relieved.
“Y/N?” the pastor questioned.
Your brain returned to you. “Sorry, I...” What were you going to say? You turned and began walking out, you weren’t even invited, why had you sat down, you should’ve just left. His face when he saw you though...
You stopped. Maybe.
****
Read part 2 here
Thank you for reading. Any feedback or comments are 100% welcome 🩷🩷
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flnpushy · 1 year ago
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helios 4
A brief summary of Helios from my prior birth stories:
Helios Birth Center is a fictional birth center on the moon set thousands of years in the future. Mothers are recruited at 18 and are impregnated. Pregnancy lasts 12-13 months. Mothers are cared for at the massive facility and are given absolute luxury to live in and birth in. Mothers typically give birth 3 times during their recruitment with the birth center. The Central Command is the unit that cares for mothers and makes sure all is well (essentially a birth police force.) Mothers can be with each other during birth, but are not allowed to assist each other in any way besides moral support. Birthing babies is much more difficult. Due to longer gestation times babies range from 18-22 lbs at the time of birth. Birthing can take anywhere from 5 days to two weeks to push a baby out especially with first time mothers. Crowning can take many hours and babies can be partially born (Head born but no shoulders) for many hours, even days. Breech births are possible and quite common at the facility. The facility has 39 huge garden facilities and 15 birth pools for mothers to birth in. These gardens are equipped with birth stations that include birth stools, small beds, a squat bar, a mirror, and lubricant to help babies slide out. The floor of the facility is a soft self cleaning membrane so mothers can essentially birth anywhere in the entire facility. Our main character is Kara, she is a newcomer to the Birth center and currently pregnant with a baby girl. Angel is her close friend and just recently gave birth to her first baby (the last birth story I wrote before deleting my old account.) So now that you're caught up, let's pick up where I left off. 
Kara was ever nearing her first birth. She had recently attended Angels birth and was amazed by Angels strength and ability to birth her first baby. Since Angels birth Kara continued to help out around the facility and learn as much as she could about birth. Kara was now in her 10th month of pregnancy. Her small 19 year old frame now was carrying a large belly with a 15 pound baby girl inside. She would be 18-20 pounds by the time Kara was ready to push her out. 
On this day Kara was walking about the facility in garden 10, known as the beach garden. She was enjoying the sand on her bare feet below. Kara rubber her large belly as she walked along, thinking about her soon coming birth. She wondered how long it would take and how hard it would be to push her first baby out. She loved being pregnant, but birth was yet to be learned. 
Kara continued to walk in the sand toward the exit of the garden, as she was about to exit she heard a voice. 
“Hey, over here.” The voice said. 
Kara looked over to see a girl hidden behind a palm tree. She noticed the girl was heavily pregnant and slightly bending at the knees almost like she was trying to push. Kara walked over. 
“Oh thank god you're here.” The girl said. “I’ve been here for 14 hours now trying to push this baby out!”
“How long have you been laboring?” Kara asked.
“Labor started 8 days ago and I have been pushing for two days now, he just won’t come out of me, I’ve seen a part of him in my opening twice, but he keeps going back in.” The girl said. 
“Who are you?” Kara asked. 
“Sorry, I am Maria by the way.” The girl said. 
“Well its great to meet you Maria, I’m Kara.” Kara said. “Sounds like you are having quite the struggle, is this your first baby?” Kara asked. 
“Yes this is my first baby, He is estimated to me 21 pounds.” Maria said.
“Woah! That’s huge for baby number one!” Kara replied. 
“I know, too huge if you ask me.” Maria said with a hint of doubt. 
“I mean I can’t “Help” you technically, but I will do what I can to support you.” Kara said. 
“Oh thank you so much, I just can’t keep going alone, I need support.” Maria said. 
“Lets see where you're at in the process, Let’s go to that nearby birth station so we can use the mirror and squat bar.’ Kara said. 
The girls made their way over to the station. It was in a private little cove surrounded by large palm trees. The ideal place to give birth really. 
“Ok Maria, squat down on that birth stool and when you have a contraction, push hard.” Kara said. 
“Ok let me get into position here…. I can’t feel a contraction yet.” Maria said. 
“Let it come when it does, no rush.” Kara said. 
Maria grabbed on to the squat bar and kneeled down, She rocked her hips around as if to aid in getting baby to move down in her birth canal. She continued to wiggle around a bit until a contraction hit. 
“Ok here it comes!” Maria said. 
“Ok girl, push hard, Make that baby move!” Kara said.
“Mmmmm ahhhhhh ouuuuu aaaahhhhhhh…….” Maria grunted and strained to push. 
In her opening below Kara couldn’t see much happening, just tiny little bulges as she pushed. Maria continued to try pushes but nothing appeared in her opening. 
“Hmmmm, not seeing baby at all.” Kara said. 
“Ugggghh!! I just want him out!” Maria said. “That little bun is stuck in my belly!” 
“He will come, it will just take time, he’s a big baby, and you're a tiny girl!” Kara said. 
Maria had another contraction. 
“Ok, big push!” Kara said. 
Maria pushed hard, she was straining as hard as her little muscles could handle, her face tensed, and as she pushed her little belly button protruded outward. Maria continued to try along with the contraction, but nothing happened. 
“Should I just call central command?” Maria asked. “I can’t get him out.” 
“No, don’t bother, unless you have been stuck pushing for at least 3 days they won’t assist.” Kara said. “Its your first baby, it’s going to take time.” 
“Well ok, ill keep trying.” Maria said. 
Maria worked through a few more contractions. Her baby just wasn’t making an appearance. 
“You said a part of him had come out earlier?” Kara asked.
“Yeah, I think so.” Maria said. “Only briefly, then he slipped back in.” 
“Did you see what part of him it was?” Kara asked. 
“No I didn’t get a chance to feel or really see it, It slipped in so fast.” Maria replied.
“Ok, I am going to help you a bit, but you can’t tell or ever mention this to anyone ok?” Kara said. 
“Ok I won’t say.” Maria said. 
Kara reached up with both hands and pulled at Maria’s opening, trying to open it a bit farther to see inside. 
“Ok girl, push hard!” Kara said. 
Maria pushed as hard as she could, Kara pulled at her opening a bit more to try and see if she could see or feel baby. Maria’s next push brought answers. 
“Ok girl, I see your baby.” Kara said. 
“Oh good, Thats great Maira said.”
“Well yes its good, but for one he’s wayyyy in there and for two he’s breech.” Kara said. 
“Wait so I’m giving birth to a boy backwards?” Maria asked. 
“Well essentially yes, his little feet are coming first, hence why you are struggling to get him out of your belly.” 
“Oh well that’s neat… I guess.” Maria said.
“As for now though your still a very pregnant girl!” Kara said. “Going to take some time to get that little bun out of that belly!” 
Kara decided to stay and support, she really didn’t have much else to do anyway. Maria continued pushing for another two hours until finally some progress was really bing made. 
Maria went in for another push, she gave it her all and made some tiny wiggles trying to entice the baby out of her belly. She gave another push and finally a sign of baby made an appearance. Maria her her push as Kara saw a tiny little baby toe sticking out of her opening. As Maria stopped pushing the toe slipped back inside. 
“Good girl! Kara said. “He’s coming out slowly!” 
Just was Maria was about to make another push, the girls heard another voice. 
“Can I Join you girls, I could use the support.” The girl said. 
“Sure Maria said, I can use all the support I can get!” 
The girl walked over and introduced herself.
“Hi, I’m Bailey, Im birthing my first baby, girl 19 pounds.”
“Please join us!” Kara said. 
As Bailey took a spot on the birth mat next to the squat bar she noticed something with Bailey. In her opening was a tiny tuft of hair. 
“Where in birth are you?” Kara asked. 
Bailey reached down and touched her babies head. “Her little head is starting to poke out.” Bailey said. “I’ve been in labor for 7 days and pushing for 1 day now, her little head is poking out and its just so adorable!” Bailey said. 
Just as Bailey went to lay back her baby slipped slowly back inside her.
“Ugh, fourth time she’s done that now, poor girl wants back in my belly! Bailey said.
Maria began another push, she was straining hard, but her efforts were being awarded. Maria now had a little baby foot in her opening. With her next push another little foot emerged. Maira now was finally making her baby move! 
“Wow Look at that, Ive never seen a breech! Bailey said. 
“Mamas had a struggle to get here!” Kara said. 
Maria continued to hold her pushes, desperately trying to get more of her babies legs to come out. The legs were coming, and lucky for Maria the babies legs were now far out enough to no go back in her belly anymore. Meanwhile Bailey was getting a contraction. She was laying back on the birth mat when the contraction hit, her baby now well back inside. She pulled her legs back and began to push, trying to get her babies head to poke back out again. She held her push long and immediately went into another push when the first had finished, two pushes later revealed the babies head once more in her opening. Bailey’s contraction came to and end, the babies head slowly started to slip back. 
“No baby stay!” She said as her baby slowly slipped back into her belly. “Ugh, poor girl, just can’t get outta mommas belly! Bailey said. 
“She will come Kara said. “She has to stretch you out.” 
“Its ok, I’m still happy carrying her around in my belly, I love being pregnant!” Bailey said. 
“Not sure about you, but I can’t wait to get this little man to of my belly!” Maria said. 
Maria pushed again bringing her babies legs out farther. The babies legs were big, and filling her opening fully. A couple more pushes had the legs out. Maria struggled a bit to get the babies waist to come, but when it did the baby slipped out to the top of its chest. Maria now had a large baby dangling from her, the baby was mostly born, but its shoulders and head were still trapped inside Maria. The baby became active. 
“Oh god what is happening!” Maria yelled.
“The baby is moving, its helping you.” Kara said. 
“Oh I don’t like that, its like I have an alien hanging from my body!” Maria said. “Stop Squirming!” 
Meanwhile Bailey was just hoping to make some progress of any kind. She was pushing hard but her babies head continued to slip back in after each push.
“Well girls, I’m Hungry and the baby is obviously not going to come out at this point in time, Im going to go eat something, Catch you later.” Bailey said. 
As she got up to leave the tiny tuft of babies hair in her opening disappeared back inside her belly.
As Bailey left, Kara focused back on Maria’s situation. Her baby was mostly out, but the shoulders and head were still stuck inside. The baby continued to move around attempting to free itself from Maria’s tight opening. The baby however was not having any success, he was simply to big and not strong enough, He had to rely on Maria to push him out. Maria continued pushing attempts, but she wasn’t having much success. 
“We need to get you more active, get that baby in a better position to slide out.” Kara said.
“How can I move, I have a huge baby hanging from me?” Maria asked. 
“There is a small birth pool in the next garden over, if you swim and wiggle around a bit, that baby might pop out of there.” Kara said. 
“Ok I will try and waddle over.” Maria said.
Maria and Kara slowly Made their way to the garden exit and entered the next. As Maria walked the baby continued to make movements trying to free himself. They came across the pool and entered it. As Maria set foot into the water her baby immediately started doing large tummy crunches! The baby was not happy with the water. 
“Oh dear, Uggghhh!” Maria said. “He’s squirming so much!” “Just come out of me!” “I don’t want him inside of me anymore!” 
“Relax, relax!” Kara said. “He will come, you just need to keep pushing.” 
Maria settled in and got back to work. 
“Ok what do I need to do to get him out.” Maria asked.
“The warm water will help your opening and muscles relax, just settle in, wiggle your hips, and push.” Kara instructed. 
Maria held onto the side of the pool and began wiggling her hips back and forth. The babies body wiggled with her. She began to push once more. With some tough pushes the babies shoulders slowly began to emerge, until they finally came free. Now all that remained was babies  large head. Maria built up and was pushing with all her power, the adrenaline rush of pushing the babies shoulders out combined with the sensation of her baby slipping out was causing her intense pleasure. She reached down and rubbed her stimulus. She began contracting violently in orgasm, As she contracted she pushed as hard as she could, the babies head shot out.
“Holy, oh my god, that’s the fastest birth I’ve ever seen!” Kara said. 
“I believe I tore slightly, but the baby is out! Maria said. 
Maria contacted central command to come and get the baby. 
“Thank you.” Maria told Kara. 
“Anytime.” Kara responded. “Now I’m off to find Bailey.” 
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slytherinshua · 1 year ago
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SKATE INTO MY HEART
genre. fluff. skater au. meetcute kinda? warnings. kissing. reader falls off their skateboard once. i know nothing about skateboarding but i tried to do some research for this lmfao. pairing. changyun x reader. wc. 1.5k. a/n. guys im officially whipped asf for etion its not even funny anymore
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Unlike most of your friends, you liked getting up early. Not just waking up early only to go back to sleep, but doing things in the early hours of the morning. 
You liked the cool chill of the morning air and the fresh crisp dewy smell of the wet grass. You liked the walk you took to the skatepark when the sky was still a dusky blue and the sun hadn’t even fully awoken yet.
But, most of all, you liked the welcome solitude of the skatepark in the early morning. You had been skeptical of skateboarding as a hobby when you were little. It looked boring and dangerous and even lame to you 12 year old brain. 
Your older brother had loved it, though, and in an attempt to spend more time with him, you picked it up too. Turns out, skateboarding wasn’t as lame as you thought. The adrenaline rush you felt as the breeze blew through your hair and you felt like you were going a mile a minute was addicting. The satisfaction of cleanly landing a hard trick was like no other. 
What had first been an attempt at finding an activity to do with your brother quickly turned into 15 long years of skating. And now, you still kept it as a side hobby to relax before a long work day.
It was one of those mornings where you felt like nothing could possibly go wrong. It was the perfect temperature— chilly, but comfortable with a hoodie on— and the light rain the day before left the outside world fresh and clean.
You got up at 5 AM and were already on your way to the skatepark at 5:20. You wore jeans and a simple hoodie to keep warm and comfortable, hair tied up so it wouldn’t get in your face. You had been working on a trick called the laser flip for a couple weeks now. It was technically challenging, and it had been nothing but failures so far. But you still worked on it, determined to master it eventually.
Nothing could possibly interrupt the idyllic morning. You were already planning it in your head. You would arrive at the skatepark and skate for an hour and blissful seclusion, then stop by a coffee shop on your way to work. You felt as if you could even handle your boss’s yelling today and not even flinch. You felt amazing.
Well, until the first part of your plan fell apart.
As the skatepark came into your view, it was immediately clear that there was already someone skating there. Really? At 5:30 in the morning!?
You sighed heavily at the sight and debated turning back around to go home. You hated conversing with other skaters or even sharing the space. You didn’t like to have to be cautious of other people using the same space. More often than not, it ended in ruined tricks and frustration.
Not to mention that most of the skaters you had encountered in your town were smoking and high all the time. It was just better if you didn’t mix with that crowd.
But you really wanted to be able to skate this morning, so you trudged along the path, setting your skateboard down when you were almost to the park and skating the rest of the way.
At first, you tried to ignore the other person there. You didn’t pay any attention to him or his rather impressive ollie 540, which he landed cleaner than you had ever seen. Okay, maybe you paid a little attention to him. You shook your head and focused back on your own skating, though. Just because he’s a good skater doesn’t mean that you wanted to converse with him.
You attempted your laser flip again, positioning your feet in the right place and executing a frontside shuvit and a heel-flip to lift yourself up in the air. You almost landed it, really. It was so close to being a perfect land.
But instead, that stupid guy from across the skatepark had made eye contact with you at just that moment, flashing a pretty smile at you, causing you to lose focus and trip over the board on your way down.
The guy halted abruptly when he saw you fall and hurried over. He knelt down to make sure you weren’t hurt anywhere and held out his hand for you to grab to help stand up.
You had always been petty and in the moment you felt like it was entirely his fault that you hadn’t landed the laser flip. You brushed his hand away and stood up on your own, brushing off your hands and jeans.
“That’s a shame. Your technique was pretty solid. You could’ve landed it smoothly.” He said, a small smile playing on his lips.
Up close, you could see every detail of his face. His high cheekbones and pointy chin. His smooth skin and piercing dark eyes. He must’ve caught you taking a glance at him because his lips curved upwards into a sweet smile. You could see how perfectly his smile lines appeared on his face and how his lips didn’t quite meet all the way when spread into the heart-fluttering gesture.
“I would’ve landed it if I hadn’t gotten distracted.” You muttered, feeling your ego bruise at embarrassing yourself in front of him, clearly the better skater of the two of you. 
He let out an amusement scoff, and got back on his board, calling out a clear, “Try it again!” as he skated a bit away.
You sighed when you realized that he had stopped once he got to the other end and was now sitting on his board, staring intently at you, waiting for you to make the move.
Your plan had originally been to go home after that embarrassing fall, but now that the handsome guy was waiting for you to try to laser flip again, you felt like you had no choice. You took a breath and got back on your board.
You felt nervous that someone was watching you. You had barely even taken skating lessons in your years of skating, learning mostly with your brother, through trial and error, and with YouTube. It certainly didn’t help that the person watching you was someone you found extremely attractive.
But as you bent your knees, and caught his smile from the corner of your eyes, you felt a surge of confidence. You jumped, feeling the adrenaline rush in the pit of your stomach, your skateboard flipped in the air, and you landed cleanly.
You beamed and your eyes immediately went in search of him. He was smiling too, his pearly teeth out on display and his eyes shining with an unmistakable message. He was proud of you. You skated over to him and sat down next to him.
“I’ve been struggling with that for weeks. I didn’t expect to suddenly get it today.” You said with a laugh.
“I guess I’m a good luck charm, then.” He said smoothly, “I’m Changyun by the way.”
“Y/n.”
“Y/n… Can I treat you to coffee?”
//
“When you tripped, I couldn’t help myself! You almost fell on your face!” You giggled.
Changyun looked offended, “So you would’ve just stood there and laughed at me even if I fell flat on my face?”
“It’s only ‘cause I adore you.” You said quickly, attempting to save yourself from the trap you had put yourself in. You cupped his cheeks with your hands, staring into his eyes until the hurt look in his eyes faded into love.
“Next time you fall off your board, I have the right to laugh, though.” He said quickly. Clearly there was still an ounce of hurt left in him, but you knew how to get rid of it.
“Okay, baby. Sure. Laugh all you want.” You moved one of your hands from his cheek to his shoulder, leaning in until your lips met his soft ones.
Changyun loved to kiss you and he easily melted into it, his lips moving against yours gently. His hands slipped to your waist, pulling you closer to him, and once you broke the kiss to catch your breath, he continued a trail of kissing by your lips and up your cheek until you were giggling from the ticklish feeling and pulling away. You rested your forehead against his, your heart racing in sync with his.
“I think your skateboard ran away from you.” You whispered, eyes glancing behind your boyfriend to where his black skateboard was, indeed, slowly rolling away.
Changyun smiled, on the verge of a laugh, “It always ruins the moment.” He gave one more short kiss to your lips before breaking the close embrace and jogging off to stop his board.
↳ onf taglist: @yeonjuns-redhair,, @edensgardenn
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aylacavebear · 9 months ago
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She Thought She was Normal
A/N: I broke chapter 20 into 2 parts. It too, was very long.
Story Summary: Maria really thought she was normal, for most of her life. It was normal for people to have natural talent, she would tell herself the older she got. Many things came easy for her, and that was probably how their rivalry began when she was five and he was seven and she met the Winchesters. Little did either of them know that it wouldn't stay like that forever, both having a far larger destiny than they could imagine
Word Count: 3470
Please don't take my work. I'll post warnings for each chapter. Will eventually be 18+!
Warnings: Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS), Angst, slow burn, mention of sex/virginity
----------------------------------------- Chapter 20 Pt. 1 - Confessions
Morning came and went, as did lunch. Dean continued to be considerate toward her which only kept her mind in its battle, as well as her emotions. Her tattoo had finally stopped bothering her. However, she wasn’t sure if that was due to it healing on its own or if it might be connected to what she was since she no longer had a block on her powers. 
She was in her room when Bobby and John got back, moving several objects around at the same time. She figured it would be better to master the one before trying another. When she heard the knock on her door, she made everything move back to their locations before she used her powers to open her door.
“Hey… kiddo…” Bobby said, realizing she’d opened the door from where she sat on her bed.
“Hey Uncle Bobby,” she replied, smiling, sitting forward.
“Looks like you’ve got some things figured out,” he chuckled, sitting down on the edge of her bed.
“Just that one,” she chuckled in response, “How’d your drive go?” 
“I was stuck in a car with John for two days,” Bobby laughed, “I did fill him in though, on the parts he didn’t know about you. So then, you’ve talked to her?”
Maria bit her lip, a little nervously, “Yeah. She’s nice Uncle Bobby. It’s hard for me to remember that she’s an angel and not just another human.”
Bobby sighed a little, remembering back, “She was like back then too. That book any help?”
She looked over it on her night table, “Sort of. The technical stuff is annoying though. I’d let you read it, but I found out it’s in Enochian,” she chuckled before looking back at him.
“Enochian huh?” he chuckled and shook his head a bit, “You ready for tonight?” he asked, a bit more seriously than before.
“Yes. I’ll be glad when it’s over and that demon gets his just deserts so he can never hurt anyone again,” she replied, finally feeling confident about something.
“Glad to hear that. We’ll go after dinner. John’s letting the other three know. I want to get cleaned up,” he told her before heading out of her room.
There were unspoken things they were both thinking about. The biggest one, was what would happen next after Azazel was taken care of, would they keep hunting or would they try for a normal life? That thought bothered her, especially with what Mari had said, that Sam and Dean were being manipulated by something powerful. She had hoped Mari would have told her what it was or at least would have said if it was Azazel but she hadn’t. The way Mari had talked, it had to of been something else. 
She sighed and flipped the dime up in the air, moving it around again, then smiled a little. Something so small, and not in size, but in gesture, the dime from Dean the day before. She hadn’t stopped using it. He’d never given her anything before and something about that dime he’d offered her the day before made her happy. 
Dean still hadn’t figured out how to apologize to her. He’d been thinking about it since she’d said it the night before. Now, he was also thinking that this whole Azazel thing would finally be over, his mother finally getting justice. Jess and Sam were having their own little conversation at one of the library tables. He didn’t want her to be there; she wanted to watch, and she wasn’t backing down.
He got up from the table and headed to Maria’s room, curious to see her door open. Dean glanced in to see what she was up to, then smiled. There she was, sitting on her bed leaning against the headboard. She had a soft smile that matched her expression, and she looked more relaxed than he’d seen her. That was when he noticed the dime moving around her room. He chuckled quietly and shook his head a little, feeling almost happy that she’d not only kept it but was still using it to practice with.
The moment she noticed him peeking in her doorway, the dime bounced off his forehead and hit the floor, making him laugh, hard while she was quickly off of her bed and in front of him, apologizing.
“It’s just a dime,” he said through fits of laughter.
“I still feel bad,” she grumbled as she picked it up off the floor.
“You’ve gotten really good at that, moving it around,” he told her, smiling but getting his laughter under control, “Can I come in?”
She tilted her head a bit, puzzled, “Uh, sure,” she replied, sitting back down on her bed.
Dean took a deep breath and joined her, although he sat on the edge of the bed and looked more at the floor. He sat in silence for a while, trying to find some courage, wishing he’d had a shot or two before he decided to go to her room.
“You okay?” she asked, seeing his demeanor.
“I’m not good at this… so uh, just… lemme get it out, before you say anything,” he told her, feeling knots in his stomach.
Maria furrowed her brow in mild confusion, but leaned back against her headboard and sighed a little, “I can do that,” she replied, her tone softer than she realized.
This was the moment of truth for him and knew he could easily screw it up if the wrong thing came out, which he didn’t want to happen. He was more of a physical type, letting his actions show what he felt. Normally he used words to push people away with anger, not get closer. He wished he could just kiss her, let her feel what he wanted to say but she wasn’t like that. She needed the words because she had Sensory Processing Sensitivity, and he’d spent their entire lives being somewhat of a jerk toward her.
“I’m sorry,” he finally sighed, letting his head fall forward a little as he leaned on his knees with his forearms.
She tilted her head but didn’t say anything, not sure what he was apologizing for. Maria wanted to ask him what it was for, even opened her mouth slightly for a moment, before closing it again, trying to be patient.
“I’m sorry for being a jerk, just wanting to fight with you from the day we met, for calling you my rival. For a long time, I just wanted to hate you, for being better than me, at everything,” he paused and chuckled a little, “Hell, it was easier to hate you.”
Maria felt goosebumps run down her body, thankful she was wearing her flannel and he wouldn’t have been able to see, even if he’d been looking at her. She bit her bottom lip nervously and it almost felt like butterflies were dancing around in her stomach.
Dean let out a sigh, more out of relief that she hadn’t gone off on him or yelled or told him to get out of her room, even if he couldn’t look over at her. He rubbed the back of his neck before he continued, “Then, one day things just changed. I don’t even know how to explain it,” he smiled, remembering back to that Thanksgiving morning. She was messing with his brother, smiling and laughing, and making apple pie, the light danced along her face and hair in a way that had made her something new to him.
She just watched him, her lips slightly parted, Jess’s words mixing in her head along with his. Dean looked so vulnerable right now, a side of him that she’d never seen before and it made her bite her lip to keep from smiling. She didn’t want him to think she thought what he was saying was funny. Maria also found it a bit hard to take a deep breath the longer he spoke. She wanted to ask him so badly but had told him she wouldn’t interrupt.
So far so good, he thought to himself, not daring to look at her. He knew he’d be too distracted by her eyes and the softness of her expression to continue and wouldn’t be able to stop himself from kissing her. “I guess what I’m trying to say is… I like you…” he finally confessed, quietly.
Maria had no idea what to even say. Anger would have been easier, which did flash across her face for a moment. She could have yelled at him for eavesdropping on what was said when he was supposed to be in the kitchen. Then she bit her lip, nervously again and looked down at the mattress between them. 
“Please say something…” she heard him say quietly, still not looking over at her, but there was worry in his words.
She sighed quietly and debated her own response. She didn’t want to hurt him but also wanted to help lighten the heaviness that had settled around them, “I was just waiting, like you asked,” she replied, and he caught the playfulness in her tone.
He had to smirk at that, daring to glance over her. She was smiling a little and he clenched his jaw, forcing himself to look back at the floor, taking a deep breath. Maria narrowed her eyes a bit, trying to figure out what was going through his head, “I uh… I like you too… when you aren’t being a jerk,” she confessed quietly as she looked down at the mattress between them again.
This time he did look over at her, more surprised than anything. His little brother had been right all along, and she had admitted it. He almost felt as though he’d explode with excitement. It took him a moment to really take in her expression, realizing she looked almost worried. Dean smiled softly and scooted a little closer to her before he reached out and caressed her cheek.
She jumped a little and moved her head back, away from his touch, more surprised at the tenderness of it as she looked up at him. He saw the fear in her eyes, and he wanted to reassure her that she didn’t have to feel that way. Dean took a deep breath as he set his hand back in his lap, “I’m not gonna hurt you, at least not on purpose. I can’t help my smartmouth sometimes, but just know, I’m only trying to get you to smile,” he told her softly.
Maria half smiled and looked away from him. She’d never felt like this before and had no idea how to tell him anything she was feeling. She barely managed a deep breath, “Dean, I just… I don’t know how to do this,” she told him, gesturing between the two of them.
A puzzled look crossed his face, brows furrowed, “You’ve been with a guy before, right?” he asked.
That was when she blushed and turned her head, hoping he wouldn’t see her embarrassment as she shook her head. Too many remarks went through Dean’s mind as he pulled his lips between his teeth to keep them from coming out, even making himself look up at the ceiling. He took a deep breath before he looked down at his hands, then at her, debating his next words. 
“If it’s not too personal, how come?” he finally asked her, somehow managing to keep the smirk off his lips.
“Never had time,” she told him quietly, “I was too busy chasing down leads on Azazel.”
He tilted his head a bit, wondering how that would have stopped her from having a little fun along the way, “Is that the only reason?” he asked, still puzzled.
“Yeah. I never thought about it. I uh… I was in a really bad place after my dad passed, probably worse than when John lost your mom,” she replied quietly.
Dean could relate to that and it made him want to reach out to her again but with how she’d reacted earlier, he didn’t. He considered what to say though, “It’ll be over tonight. He won’t be able to hurt any of us again.”
She glanced over at him, “He won’t but… he still has his lackeys that we’ll have to worry about. At least they won’t be as strong though,” she replied, half-lidded eyes due to worry. 
He realized she had changed the subject, rather calculated at that and he sighed, “Look, I’m not gonna push you. I just wanted you to know I was sorry for how I treated you and that I like you. I’m here though, if you need anything,” he told her before standing up. Then, he leaned down kissing the top of her head, and headed out to the library.
She may have flinched away from his touch but she at least liked him, which was more than he’d hoped for, so was smiling from ear to ear as he rounded the corner of the library, practically skipping up the stairs. Sam, Jess, Bobby, and John were all sitting there, talking about this and that but the moment Dean entered, they just watched him for a moment.
“Someone’s in a good mood,” John chuckled.
“And why shouldn’t I be? We’re taking out Azazel tonight,” he played it off.
Jess and Sam tried not to chuckle, let alone laugh, but a small chuckle came out of both of them, “Yeah, sure,” Bobby scoffed playfully, then it turned into a chuckle.
“How’d it go with Maria?” Jess asked pointedly, raising an eyebrow.
“Went fine,” he replied casually, sitting down, still smiling like a teenager.
“Looks like more than fine,” Sam teased him.
“So, are you two dating yet?” Jess asked him.
Dean almost choked at her question, coughing a bit, “Geeze Jess. No, we aren’t dating.”
The four of them erupted in playful laughter and Dean rolled his eyes, “I’m gonna go get dinner started,” he grumbled a little before he walked off.
Maria slipped on her blue flannel, leaving it unbuttoned, then headed out of her room. She could tell where everyone was at, being able to sense them, so just went through the war room to the kitchen. She also knew that the four of them watched her, even if she didn’t look over at them. She’d decided to at least attempt to explore the emotions she couldn’t describe that came from her thoughts about Dean. They also came up whenever he was around her now. Monsters were easy for her to deal with. So was facing what she was. Whatever this was that she felt for Dean, she had no clue what it meant or why she was feeling it. She’d never even looked into relationships.
“Want some help?” she asked quietly from the doorway of the kitchen, looking more at the floor. She always had confidence, at least with everything but these emotions that all centered around Dean.
He felt his heart skip a beat, hearing her, and when he looked at her, he had to force himself not to go and just hold her. “I’d love your help,” he replied.
She took a deep breath but it came out shaking, “How can I help?” she asked, almost shyly, slowly letting her eyes look up at him.
He realized it wasn’t him she was afraid of, it was her emotions, the feeling of uncertainty, so he smiled softly at her, “You could wrap up the potatoes so they can go in the oven,” he replied.
Maria managed a small smile and walked over to the sink, looking for the potatoes, then frowned not seeing them there. She looked at Dean, somewhat puzzled before heading to the shelf and grabbing enough for each person to have one. He chuckled to himself while he seasoned the steaks. She washed and set up the potatoes, the two of them working together silently. Dean was just happy that she had made the move to be in the kitchen with him instead of shying away or putting up that hard shell again. 
“Did you need help with anything else?” she asked, again shyly. She was so unsure of how to even act around him at the moment and it frustrated her. 
“Wanna put ‘em in the oven and set a thirty-minute timer?” he asked.
Dean was standing in front of the counter on the other side of the oven. She pursed her lips together as she glanced over at him, “Sure…” she answered.
He watched her out of the corner of his eye. Her movements were slow but fluid as she took care of what he’d asked. Her softness made him smirk a little, happily. Dean moved around her as he got the pan on the oven for the steaks. She had to take a deep breath when he got as close as he did to her and it took everything in her not to shy away from him. She set the timer and moved over to the sink, putting a few feet between them. 
It didn’t go unnoticed either and he sighed a little, “Hey, thanks for the help,” he told her as he started the steaks.
She grumbled, feeling bad for feeling things she didn’t understand, “I told you I don’t know how to do this,” she told him shyly, and quietly.
“You wanna talk about it?” he asked, raising an eyebrow as he glanced at her.
Maria chewed on her bottom lip nervously as she looked at the floor again, “I don’t even know how to explain how I feel, okay?” she replied, trying not to sound frustrated.
Realization finally dawned on Dean, which made him chuckle with understanding, “It’s called having a crush on someone.”
She knew she liked him but had never equated it to having a crush, thinking it was more because he had stopped being an ass, “You mean like what Jess and Sam have?” she asked, still somewhat puzzled.
Dean tried not to laugh, but it came out anyway, “No. Those two are like lovebirds. It’s way past a crush for them. Pretty sure he’s gonna propose to her, if I’m reading it right,” he explained as he cooked.
Maria looked over at the entryway for the kitchen. She couldn’t see out to where they were sitting in the library but her mind was mulling over what he’d said, “So… how…” she sighed, not even sure how to word her question.
He debated his next statement, not wanting to push her, “Well, you gotta decide if you wanna explore it, with your crush, let ‘em get close. It means you’d have to let your guard down.”
She felt a sense of panic at those words. Maria had had a hard exterior shell up for so long, especially when it had come to Dean, that she wasn’t sure how to even let it down. Dean glanced over at her, wanting to hold her but didn’t. He let the silence between them fall. It wasn’t uncomfortable for him as he focused on the steaks. Maria on the other hand sighed and went and sat at the kitchen table, needing more space between them to breathe.
“Hey, take your time, okay? I’m not going anywhere, Sweetheart,” he told her without turning to look at her.
Maria felt that wave of guilt wash over her again and stared at the table. She wanted to ask him why he was being like this with her but she knew what he’d say. Her mind again remembered what he had said the other day, that she had him at apple pie, still frustrated she didn’t understand what he meant.
When he put the last round of steaks on he grabbed two beers out of the fridge, popping the top on hers before he set it in front of her on the table. She managed a half smile and thanked him, taking a sip. Dean began setting the table while she sat there sipping her beer, leaving her to her thoughts and emotions. He’d said all he could, now it was up to her. When the timer dinged on the oven he pulled out the potatoes and hollered for the others to join them.
Dinner was somewhat quiet. They could tell something was on Maria’s mind but with everything she had on her plate, so to speak, they weren’t entirely sure what it was and didn’t want to push either. There was also a buzz of excitement and anticipation with what was to come after dinner, finally dealing with Azazel, on their terms. That was what Maria had decided to focus on, at least for now, pushing aside everything having to do with Dean and Zamariel. She even managed to smile again as well as relax a bit. 
----------------------------------------- Chapter 20 Pt. 2 - Azazel
Tag List: @deans-spinster-witch @kazsrm67
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cupoftaae · 1 year ago
Text
Forever And A Day (KTH x READER) series ♡ Francis Forever (chapter 17)
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Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.
Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.
Pairing: taehyung x female!reader
rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)
word count- 5k
warnings- swearing, angst, mentions of miscarriage, confused feelings, some kissing (some smut not really its like 2 seconds), REALLY EMO
a/n- guys....we have reached the final chapter of Forever And A Day, oh my god. Ive worked on this story since January, its very dear to me, Thank you for everyone who tagged along. I love you so much! there will still be an Epilogue posted as well. Enjoy the chapter angels
-nini
Your feet led you down to the kitchen, where your mom was currently cleaning.
"hi honey" she mumbled, not turning around to see you as she scrubbed the top of the stove.
"hey.." you walk over, opening the fridge and looking for something to snack on. Granted- there was something made for breakfast but you hadn't woken up until 12pm. Technically, it was now lunch.
"do you want me to make you something?"
You peer over to your mom whos putting things away in the storages
"no thats okay" you grab a sleeve of crackers from the cabinet and some cream cheese, opting to sit at the kitchen island with your sad "meal"
"thats not lunch, missy" your mother scolded as she turned to you finally
"meh" you shoved the cracker in your mouth as you watched her grab her coat from the hanger. "where are you going?" you spoke with a full mouth.
"I have to run to the store"
"didnt you just go the other day?"
Your mom peered over her shoulder, waiting a moment "yes...but, I forgot to grab...uh....planter feed, for my little window plants" she nodded over in the direction of them.
"okay....can I come?" you mumble, throwing another dry cracker into your mouth.
"no" she laughed, making you look up
"what, why?"
"because" she began to ramble "well...I love you but Ive spent every minute with you this week, its good to be alone for a few hours"
You raised an eyebrow as if you didnt believe her.....because you didnt. "okayyy..." your voice dragged out
"ill be back in no time, no worried dear." she grabbed her bag and walked to the door, "ill bring you back a coffee" she winked as she left.
Once you heard the door lock, you stood up, licking the cream cheese off your fingers.
why was she in such a hurry to be gone?
Your feet wandered over to the little plant cabinet she had, opening it to see a freshly stocked basket of soil feed packets. Of course she was lying.
She was probably looking for an excuse to see that guy shes been talking to for months now. Why would she lie though? does she think you couldn't handle it?
Chosing to ignore it, you picked up her cat and made your way upstairs to your room, sitting down at your desk.
These days you werent out much, last time you saw other people was 2 days ago when you went to go grab the mail from the mailbox in the pouring rain. Nonetheless, you still loved to get yourself dolled up as if you were going out.
You applied some makeup, carefully drawing out your eyeliner to a sharp point. The way you applied your face could be compared to how you applied yourself to everything else in life- strict and neat, and you hated when you had a smudge
You pushed through your makeup bag, searching for a certain lipstick that you are now realizing you left back in Paris.
"that was $20" you sigh, standing up to wander to your moms room. Surely she has something to use, shes always been one to paint her face, she used to let you play "makeover" when you were young, which might be why you love it so much now. It was always enjoyable, even if you made her look like a clown a bit.
You wondered where she would keep her makeup, as it wasnt in her bathroom. A quick scan around the room brought you over to her vanity drawers.
"ahh, there we go" you happily looked at all of the collective lipsticks and palettes sprawled out in front of you. You grasped a few of them to look for one you would use, when your eyes fell onto a folder underneath all it.
Pulling it out and carefully looking inside, because you were snoopy even with your mothers belongings, you saw what appeared to be a booklet of Polaroid photos.
You giggled softly at the cute older photos of your mom when she was younger, the silly gestures in the photos reminded you that she too is human and has her own emotions.
You came across a specific one in the pile where your mom was looking out the window in her old apartment, obviously pregnant.
that was you.
Smiling softly, you slid through the last bits before picking up one that made your breath hitch.
Your dad.
She still kept every photo. Hidden.
Photos of your dad sitting on the deck of the house with newborn you resting on his chest, photos of him not knowing your mom was even there while he did tiny activities, like fixing or repainting something.
It was so real and so raw, and you wanted to criticize your mother for keeping all of these, because as you looked at his face, you felt nothing but anger.
But you had to remember she spent a majority of her life with him...she had a kid with him....and you almost felt a sense of sympathy for her and the life she thought she would have with him.
He ruined so many things and even after all of that, she cant toss the photos.
Its never really over, huh?
-
You knew deep down that you should've respected your moms privacy and left the room, considering you were only on the look for a lipstick.
But you found yourself still digging an hour later, looking at photos and notes and everything in between. In a way, you felt like the snooping mom looking into her daughters room.
Perhaps you shouldnt have, but you took one of the photos and kept it for yourself. It was of your mom, she had to have been your age in it, and she was standing in front of the old ice cream place she always took you to before it got demolished.
She looked so happy and pure, she had that gleam in her eyes that you struggle to find in her nowadays.
You put the photo into your bag, making sure it was flat and not bent.
With any lesson learnt from your parents, its that your biggest fear is to spend your life in the wrong situation, trying to make it work only for it to end up as the opposite, and leave you with a broken heart.
But on the other hand, you also realize that you dont want to be like your mom, although you admire and adore her, you want to find your place so desperately, and not let any opportunity go to waste.
The doorbell downstairs rang, startling you a little as you rose to your feet, trying to head down quickly.
"coming!" you shout, your bare feet leading you to the locked door. You open it and see a young man with a pizza in his hand. "oh!"
He bows his head polietly, "Hi, pizza for Y/N?"
You almost laugh, "ah...I didnt order anything?"
you thought for a moment and considered that your mother probably ordered it for you, knowing that your choice of meal this morning was crackers and cream cheese.
"its already paid for" he spoke again
"im sorry but-" you sigh "okay....thanks?" you reach out, almost burning your hands at how warm the box was. You dropped it off on the kitchen counter and looked at it.
It was cheese and bacon, your favorite, how did your mom know that?
"should I trust this?" you looked down at the cat crawling over your feet, she smelled the yummy food just above and was trying to access it.
Before you could grab your phone to call her, you heard the doorbell ring again. "seriously...?"
once more, your feet dashed you over as you opened the door, assuming it would be another delivery. You dropped your phone onto the floor as the person standing in front of you turned around.
"I hope you are open to sharing that pizza" Taehyung spoke quietly, a small smile on his face.
"what are you doing here....?" you looked at him like a deer in headlights; scared, relieved, shocked, happy all in one.
He calmed his expression and stepped a bit closer, "can I come in?"
You stepped back and thought for a moment
"please....?" he persisted
"y-yeah..yeah come in" you stepped away and watched him slowly enter the house, taking his shoes off before turning back to you. He didnt have a moment to speak before you threw yourself into his chest, wrapping him up into a tight hug.
His arms snaked around you, pulling you closer as both of your breathing became uneven.
"i-im so sorry...i missed you a lot and I havent texted and, fuck, youre here and im so-"
"shhh...shhh" his hand held your nape as you looked at you, forehead against yours, "dont apologize its okay"
"but-"
"no...lets just go sit down and talk" he whispered, rubbing your back.
You exhaled shakily "okay"
You led him over to the kitchen, still in absolute shock at the fact he is here with you right now. All of the guilt began to seep back in the moment you saw his face.
You took a seat at the counter and looked at him, the sun peaking in through the blinds, leaving stray lines of orange through the room.
He smiled and looked around, pulling the seat out next to you as he sat down.
"So.." you looked at him, swallowing harshly. "wh-"
"your mom called me" he spoke honestly, sitting down and shielding the sun with his hand. "I was worried sick about you, I cant lie"
Yep. Guilt.
"and I didnt wanna bother you, but she called me and said that you wanted to see me so..." he smirked a little, looking down.
You sigh loudly, "oh tae.....i never told her to tell you to come...."
He laughed, throwing his head back "ah I figured sort of...I knew you would have probably texted me yourself"
You nod, stomach fluttering at the sound of his amusement. "yeah..'m sorry for not texting, that was really shitty of me Tae"
"dont apologize, youve gone through a lot, I understand its not easy to jump back in yet...and thats okay." he whispered "but...how are you? what are you feeling?"
"right now? im....im honestly really happy you showed up...."
"yeah?"
You nod, "mhm, i, er, missed you" you fumbled with your words, not wanting to sound needy or desperate.
"I missed you too" his response was quick.
you both looked at eachother for a few moments silently, before you spoke up, "you ordered that pizza, didnt you?"
He began to laugh, "yeah I did"
"I knew my mom wouldnt know I liked bacon...." you giggled, he moved a little closer and smiled.
"and listen, im not here to course you to coming back to Busan, I just wanted to come check on you...because you know I love you always"
You felt your face heat up, "I know...I know tae, I love you too."
"how are you physically?" he spoke quietly
Shrugging, you answered truthfully, "I think Im okay....my body is beginning to go back to normal, so....."
"good, thats good" he nods
"mhm...im glad I have my mom, but I really did miss having you nearby, and I know you dont want to hear it but I have to say it" you mumbled
"you can talk, y/n"
"im so sorry...for everything....its not fair-"
"but-"
"just listen please, its not fair...what I did to you, and I shouldnt have left, that was so shitty to leave you back in Paris knowing you were hurting too"
His face softened
"and what I did has been haunting me so much that I was afraid to contact you in fears you resented me....in fears that perhaps you hated me now-" your voice choked
"y/n, no, no," he grabbed your hands, "I could never hate you....never ever" he whispered moving to see your eyes, "listen to me, It was a bad situation, and perhaps we could have done better, yes, but stop apologizing for dealing with grief."
He wiped the tear stain on your cheek, holding your face close to his, whispering, "does your mom still have popsicles in the freezer?"
The random question made you laugh, "what?"
"this is serious, y/n, does she?"
"I- I think?" you stood and watched him search, successfully finding them. "why?"
He smirked, "you know why" he grabbed 2 and held your hand, bringing you upstairs to your room, opening the window and climbing out to the ledge of the roof
A place you two always sat during your high school days...with popsicles.
"ohh...." you giggled, now understanding his method to the madness.
"been a longgg time since we sat here, why didnt we do it when we visited a few months ago?" he smiled, opening the wrapper and licking the watermelon pop
"Im not sure..." you opened your own, happy that the sun wasn't directly on you two anymore.
Taehyung laid back against the roof, eyes on you from behind. Its been so long since hes seen you, and with every passing day he grew more impatient.
When he got the phone call from your mom, he knew it was mostly her doing, but he was not about to pass up a free opportunity to see you, even knowing the risk of you despising him was still high.
He wanted to call you beautiful, the way the orange sky illumintaed on your skin, it blended perfectly, it was straight out of a disney Princess movie.
He had no clue as to what label you two stood as, was it okay to call you baby? there was never an official breakup. Was it too much to want to kiss you as soon as he saw your face? his body yearned for you in every way, he missed the feeling of your hand in his and your body on his chest at night.
He missed all of you, and it hasnt even been that long.
"you know..." he began, closing his eyes, "Im starting to think im a bit too dependent on you" his voice was teasing,
"why do you say that?" you looked back at him, licking the popsicle.
He shrugged, smirking, "just cant seem to stay away...."
"i dont understand you" you laugh, looking forward again. "ive been such an ass, Taehyung"
"youre not an ass you just feel things deeply and I love that about you"
"is this some kind of kink?" you joke, watching him laugh
"maybe?"
You shake your head as you continue to eat the pop, "I dont shame"
He looked up at the sky, glaring at a plane flying across. He wondered if you two could be seen from the window.
He wondered how tiny and insignificant you would appear to the passengers aboard, who had no idea what situation you both were dealing with, like how he didnt know what they were dealing with.
Life is weird like that.
What problems you have and seem huge may seem meaningless to others, or how from space, you are the size of a grain of salt. It puts things into perspective, and over the past few weeks, hes been thinking about everything deeply and truly....deciding that although it may change nothing, seeing you was the best option.
"Tae?" you spoke, noticing how quiet he got
"remember when we were 16 and it was Easter? My family was over with yours, and you and I climbed up here after dinner and tried to smoke my dads cigarettes for the first time?" he laughed at the memory
You smile, "I smoked it wrong and began to choke"
You both were giggling again now
"you almost swallowed it, how does one fuck up smoking so badly?"
You nudge him, "hey!"
He shrugged, still smiling
"you are quite the smoker yourself now, huh?"
"I grew up with him smoking so yeah, I sort of picked up on it"
You nod, listening
"you hate it though, right?" he smirked
"well you are a grown man, you can chose to do as you please"
"oh cmon dont play coy, you know you would never give up a chance to scold me for it"
"yeah youre right" you sigh at his knowingness "I worry about your lungs!" you tease
"my lungs are okay" he smiled as you laid down on the roof next to him, the sun casting both of your shadows behind you.
"you dont know that!"
"trust baby, if anything was wrong youd be the first to know"
You froze after he called you baby, it wasn't like you two had been gone for years, but neither of you had been lovey in over a month, it felt almost foreign, almost wrong.
He wasnt going to apologize, it did slip, but did he regret it?
nope.
His eyes scanned over yours, softly and lovingly as he moved his hand over your hair, pushing it out of your eyes.
You stared at him, an expression reading shock. He pulled away slightly
"am I making you uncomfortable?" he seemed worried that he stepped too far, scaring you.
"n-no!" you spoke, reaching for his hand. "it just feels odd you know? its not you, its just...."
"been a while" he finished for you
"yeah..."
You still felt safe with him, how could you not?
You didnt want him to make the assumption that you were not okay with his touch anymore, because that definitely was not the case.
You slowly cuddled closer to him, both of you laid on your backs as your head rested on his shoulder, his head leaning against yours.
Both of your lips were painted pink and red from the popsicles, it made you smile.
The sky above you two seemed so big, so endless.
Staring at it was almost frightening.
You reached for his hand and intertwined his fingers with yours, he quickly squeezed yours out of affection.
"ahh..." he spoke up suddenly, voice quiet. "I shouldnt.....I shouldnt have taken you to Paris"
You looked up at him
"maybe the plane ride was too much? maybe your body couldnt handle the stress?" he exhaled shakily, eyes still up at the sky. "Im sorry...I really am"
"you dont have to apologize for anything" you turned your body on your side so you faced him, though he still wouldn't look at you.
"hey.." you tried again, "you know, my mom told me she also miscarried when I was 3 years old...and thats why she never had kids after me"
He closed his eyes, squeezing your hand
"So I guess its runs in the family.....not our fault" you shrugged, "Its breaks my heart but...we dont have to blame ourselves"
He turned his head to your finally at the sound of your voice cracking, He brought you closer to his chest, hand rubbing your back. Taehyung swallowed harshly, clearing his throat to talk quietly "I've been...having a hard time dealing with it.
You rested your hand on his chest, looking at him sympathetically. His eyes were now watery, it took a lot to not cry yourself.
Youve already cried.
Youve cried so much
Perhaps you were now accepting the miscarriage for what it was, you were even able to say it aloud now, and thats growth.
You wished the same for Taehyung.
"that's okay, too" you whisper, hand snaking around to brush his hair between your fingers behind his head.
His eyes went back up to the now purple sky, tears reflecting the image in front of you. "do you think they are up there?" he smiled softly, rubbing your back still.
You look up at the sky, the clouds creating a beautiful set up as the sun set behind them. The world felt blanketed and secured in this moment, almost safe.
"yeah" you whisper, squeezing his hand, "but they are also here...with us, you know?"
He looks at you, tear marks on his face as you move to wipe them with your sleeve. "I think we will always be parents, that cant change. I feel that connection so deeply, and I know you do too. They arent gone, they just arent in this world" you add.
Taehyung smiled softly at your words, nodding slowly, "yeah....yeah youre right"
His thumb runs over your knuckles, calming you both down.
"I cant get myself to get rid of anything...like the stuff we bought." you mumble, looking down at your hands.
He chuckled, "mmh, you dont have too."
You sighed and looked at him again, a warm blush coating your cheeks.
"you know...I dont give you enough credit" he spoke "youve been through so much"
"Tae..." you brush his hair back, "youve given me everything....we need to look ahead...the past cant be changed."
He slides his hand under the hem of your shirt, touching the soft skin on your hip bone. It wasn't promiscuous or anything, simply an act of love and affection, silently showing you he's here and is listening.
"Im really sad" he choked out
You hugged him close as he began to cry into your shoulder
"its okay baby, its okay....its okay to be sad, you dont have to be strong for me" your hand caressed his back. "I love you so much, please know that"
He took a moment to calm down before pulling back to look at you, "y-youre right....we do need to look forward now"
You nod softly, holding his face.
You were a little worried to see him in this state, you didnt know he was feeling this and keeping it down for so long.
All you could do was comfort him and be there.
"I just.....are we still...." he trailed off, making you smile as you cupped his face again, brushing your thumbs over his cheeks lovingly.
"mm" you slowly leaned forward to kiss him
It was a nice kiss, not too slow but not too fast, just what was needed after a month of distance and no contact.
He blushed brightly, holding you as he whispered, "do you think we could start over? I really want to treat you right, and I want this to work. We can work it out right? the correct way this time?" his voice wavered
You nodded, still looking at him "yes....we can try again, the right way" you giggled as he leaned forward to kiss you again, this time a little quicker.
He bit your bottom lip, hands gently squeezing your hips
"baby-" you exhaled into his mouth, gently pulling back to look at him. "maybe we shouldnt"
"why?" he frowned, almost looking like a little kid
"well for starters we are on my roof" you giggled, sitting up
Taehyung smiled and looked around
"and....I dont know...sex is what brought us this mess" you teasingly nudged him, making him laugh. "lets just be with eachother for a little bit and let our feelings lead us to what happens"
He sighed, knowing you were right. "okay....can I still cuddle you though?" he whispered, making you coo at his cuteness.
"of course, lets go"
You slowly led him back into your room off the roof, closing the window before settling down on the bed with him. "when are you going back to Busan?"
He held you, face hidden in your neck "maybe in a few days...I dont want to leave you yet if thats okay"
"okay...thats fine, but, I think I'll head back with you...."
He smiled, rubbing your back "yeah?"
"mm" you kissed his head, closing your eyes.
You were still healing. To say you fully recovered was not true, but as you sat in his arms things felt normal again, even if it would be temporary.
Perhaps you needed to be with him to fully heal, to fully be yourself. Taehyung was your other half, and he knew you better than anyone. To give this another chance is like a breath of fresh air.
Putting your pasts behind you in hopes of feeling happiness again, in hopes of both of you becoming better people for each other.
Taehyung doesnt want to leave you, ever, and you cant say you want him to.
You dont spend half of your life with someone then let them run away just because things go downhill.
If your father was in your presence, you would teach him this lesson.
When you love someone, you hold their hand and walk through hard times together, you dont let them leave over something that both of you know you would need eachother's support for. To think- you almost let him out of your grasp, you almost lost him.
And Taehyung loved you so much...that if you asked him to leave....he would have.
You dont know what the future entails, and yes, its fucking terrifying. Life is scary, theres ups and downs, and suprises and failure, but theres also a lot of love, and happiness, and success if you look hard enough.
You do hope one thing for sure, and thats that he will be at your side as you grow up, to be there when you are right and wrong, healthy or sick, happy or sad.
As you both began to pick up the pieces of what was broken, you appreciated the past, knowing you had to let it go, but it also brought you here, back into where you feel most safe.
You renovated the apartment and turned the Nursery into a craft room for Taehyungs painting. He kept all of the baby belongings in the closet, hoping for the day in the future when he would open it again and feel that sense of excitement but nervousness.
You continued work and college classes, pursuing your acting career that youve always wanted, and when you graduated, Taehyung would never let you forget how much he admired you.
He kissed your neck softly, his hand pressed into yours as he hovered above you, "so beautiful, my love...."
you bit your lip before exhaling a shaky moan "ohh..f-fuck"
"so smart....youre so perfect baby, I love you"
He kissed you gently, still moving his hips against yours as you held him close to you, fluttering your eyes shut.
things had settled into place once again.
Taehyung got offered a job as an art teacher at the college you graduated from, taking the full time position while you worked at the local theatre, producing and preforming sold out plays every weekend.
The saving money part was hard for him, he wanted to buy you anything you laid your eyes on.
"did you seriously buy the couch?!" you tossed your bag, running from the doorway to the living room to see the grey couch you had pointed out shopping with him literally the day prior.
He shrugged, "yeah...whats the big deal?"
"taehyung!" you giggled and hugged him.
He was too spontaneous for his own good.
A few years passed, and looking at your current life now, you would not believe how much had changed. You can say for the first time in a while you felt happy...and oh what an exciting and freeing feeling that was.
"I love youuuu! my baby!!!!!" taehyung danced around on the icy sidewalk outside of your apartment door, it was new years eve and he was drunk.
very...very drunk.
He pointed at you as he sang, "my babyyyy! woo!"
You giggled, sitting on the steps and recording your man child boyfriend whom you loved so much. "baby be careful dont sl-"
too late.
He fell on his ass, laughing so hard he almost puked, which of course made you laugh too.
"cmon ya big baby" you ran over and helped him inside. Midnight had already passed earlier, pre-drunk taehyung had danced with you around the living room, gifting you a small kiss once the clock read midnight.
"hm, I dont get it, whats so different about a new years kiss? its like every other one?" you laughed after his lips left yours.
"well its special because I get to be the first to kiss you in the new year" he smiled cheekily
"tae...your the only one who gets to kiss me any year" you point at him
"damn right" he snaps his fingers at you as he walks past into the other room.
Every holiday you spent with him felt special, every event, every grocery run, it all felt so much more authentic now.
You two were in your mid twenties now, and a lot of mental growth had come along with that. With pride, you can say you were better people than before, and thats why things worked so well.
You could easily live like this forever.....
it was basically an endless sleepover with your best friend. You were okay if you could come home and see his face waiting for you on the couch.
Your sweet boy.
You had no idea what was gonna happen next, whether that was marriage, or another attempt at having kids- you felt ready.
Ready to give him anything he wanted in return for him saving you.
You could do anything, be anywhere or anyone, in good or bad conditions, and you will still only crave him.
Your lover.
You want him for months
for years
for eternity...
For Forever And A Day.
And God knows he felt the same.
-
A/N- wow guys....this is it....I cannot thank you enough for reading my first story on here, im not perfect at writing but you guys keep me motivated and confident in my work, and I love you for that. This will not be the end of this couple, we still have the Epilogue as well as eventual drabbles.
You guys are amazing. ily.
-Nini
taglist-
@turnthepageandbeburnt @taebangtanbabe @borahaexoxo @lelefoodlover @tan-veee
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bagelrites · 10 months ago
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Have you ever had a fanfiction idea you knew was great but didn't have the time/courage/patience to write ? What would be the backbones of it and what scene in particular would you still like to see written one day ?
So my problem is that when I think of a fan fiction idea even if I have 20 other wips I still somehow think I will do it someday. There is one big fic idea that I had that I have pretty much given up on though, and that's the Squid Game AU. Obviously I thought of it when the DTeam were playing in the Squid Game tournament, and the premise would be that George and Sapnap are contestants who very early on become friends and form an alliance, and Dream is a guard who keeps somehow ending up in situations where he has to talk to George, and they start falling in love. There'd be a lot of complicated feelings, but in the end George escapes with Dream because in that final game he doesn't actually get shot when he loses (I think Dream would have gotten some of the other guards on his side,) but he plays dead until the field is cleared and then Dream comes and whisks him away and they escape on a boat together. George is kind of sad about leaving Sapnap behind, but he has a feeling he's going to win, and he's right of course.
I don't think I'll write more or a shortened version or anything one day. I had so little of it written, in fact, I could actually share everything I wrote here right now, so I'll put it below the cut :)
This was the opening:
George liked the blue hue of his jumper. He’d been told it was turquoise, actually, but it looked a grayish blue to him, cool and muted, like the still face of a lake reflecting the sky. The white stripes could be clouds, perhaps. The numbers over his heart the ripples of a fish flipping from the water, or perhaps the pearly feathers of an egret in flight.
And yes, technically it was a prisoner’s uniform, but George felt it was important to find comforts even—or perhaps especially—in circumstances such as these.
The dormitory was spacious, in its own way. The beds were stacked three layers high, but the mattresses weren’t terribly thin, and there was a wealth of free space opposite the bunks, plenty of room for all two hundred competitors to mingle together, or else find some corner to sulk in alone. The white walls were bright, too, and the ceilings were high.
George supposed if this was the room he was destined to sleep his last night in, at least it was clean and airy. Better than rotting away in a cramped prison cell, right?
He rolled from his side onto his back, staring up at the cross-beams holding up the mattress above him. It had been about an hour or so since they let the competitors into the dorm, and so far there was no word as to when the games would begin. George had been trying to nap in his bunk to wait it out, but everyone else was being far too talkative, and the din of voices kept him awake. Finally, he got antsy enough to get up, deciding to take a stroll around the room and scope out his competitors.
Not that he really thought it would help him win. He didn’t quite plan to do that. Didn't see the point in trying, if he was honest. If he won, he won. If he didn’t…
Then I had a few scenes of dialogue jotted down. First George teasing Dream:
“Why did you say that?”
“Say what?”
“That you trust me.”
“Oh. I don’t know. You’re fun to mess with.”
Dream looked away.
“George, you don’t even know me.”
“You could change that.”
“George—” Dream sputtered, and George giggled. He sounded so cute when he was flustered.
“You’re already talking to me. That’s a step in the right direction.”
Dream froze, and didn’t make any reply. George wished he could see behind his mask, see if he was angry, or scared, or just flushed from embarrassment. He was betting on the latter. “Oh, now you’re all quiet.”
And then here's George seeing Dream's face for the first time:
“Wow, you’re—” George paused, face flushing. “Nothing.”
“I’m nothing?” Dream chuckled.
“No, I mean—I mean you’re, um…” his mind raced for the right word, the least embarrassing word. “Handsome?”
“Oh, I am?” Dream leaned closer, smirking, and George covered his face with his hands.
“No, I meant hot! You’re hot!” he said, muffled into his palms.
Dream just laughed, the sound light and lovely and adoring, and George melted under the warmth of it.
And finally some George + Sapnap dialogue:
“Why do you think you’re gonna win?”
“Because I have to. I have to think it,” Sapnap said. “If I don’t think I can win, then I know I’ll die. You know?” 
George hummed.
“I think you might actually do it.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, I don’t know. I just… have this feeling that you’re gonna go all the way,” George said.
“Well, then I want you to go all the way with me.”
George smiled and couldn’t help snickering a little at that.
“What? I mean it.”
“Oh, c’mon. You know what that sounded like.”
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galacticfoundation · 1 year ago
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Heya... Mars here. This is a little awkward, but Miss Cynthia seems to think it's a good idea, so... FAQ??
Q: Team Galactic? The doomsday cult?
A: It's not a cult anymore! We've been busting our butts in that court mandated therapy!
Q: Why are you still around?
A: We just want to fix things. The Champion and Cynthia did a really big favor, keeping us out of Forever Jail. Plus, some of us didn't have anywhere else to go. There's only about... 33 of us now?
Q: Why is Mars running this shebang? Wasn't she like, bottom of the totem pole.
A: Rude. But true. Saturn is technically in charge, but he's... not been doing too well. Can't blame him, really. It's a miracle he lasted this long. Jupiter went to Hoenn to work at some space place because we kind of ran out of money. So that leaves little old Mars! Jupiter thinks shes superior still, but I'm not the one with a live in Interpol agent.
Q: What do you even do?
A: Classic community service stuff. Also, working on reuniting stolen Pokémon. And cleaning up the lakes after the whole bomb thing. That was Jupiters idea, by the way. NOT mine. Oh, and about half the grunts have day jobs, for previously stated broke reasons. Saturn does some online coding stuff that I don't understand in the slightest.
Q: Is Cyrus alive?
A: I don't know.
cassini starts another blog, part... 11??? main blog @plasmaapologist blah blah blah. i could use this app to get an autism diagnosis i think
this blog is based on an au of my own dppt interpretation/au. it is canon based but not compliant. ye have been warned. blog will deal with heavy topics from time to time, all will be tagged
- the plot was that of platinum, for the most part
few things to note:
- this blog takes place very closely after dppt. only the events of kanto, johto, and hoenn have happened. asks relating to things in the other games will be answered, but will likely be met with confusion
- the start of this blog is 5-6 months after the events of the game
- charon does not exist. hes stupid and i dont like him. 👎
- lucas is the champion, dawn is the professors assistant
- dawn is probably one of my most heavily headcanoned characters. just a warning ♡
- despite being based on platinum, lucas failed to capture giratina. he later gained the trust of dialga, though their relationship is more of friends than pokemon and master.
- mars and saturn genuinely have good intentions. however please feel free to accuse them of otherwise. (jupiters only acting good to stay out of jail)
reoccurring characters blah blah blah. you know them but i thrust my headcanon upon ye
mars: she/her, 20. main poster. interim leader while saturn recovers. trying her best
saturn: he/him, 26. may occasionally post. not currently acting as leader after a mental breakdown, but still handles finances and does announcements when he can.
jupiter: she/her, 28. currently working at mossdeep space center in hoenn under the very careful eye of interpol. she never actually cared about team galactic, but its keeping her out of jail...
---------------------------------------------------
lucas: he/him, 14. current champion of sinnoh. has been helplessly busy since becoming acting champion. someone give this man a break, please. hes got a bit of a hero complex now. enjoys hanging out with barry and dawn when hes free, which often puts him around team galactic when hes with the latter.
dawn: she/her, 13. professor rowan's assistant. a quiet girl with a melancholic side; her real passion is art, but no one seems to appreciate it. has an odd but strong friendship with mars, and likes helping out.
barry: he/him, 14. impatient as ever. does not get why his friends want to help those galactic freaks so much!? why can't we beat them up and put them in jail forever?!?! main goal: blow up beat his father in battle
cynthia: she/her, 34. former champion of sinnoh. trying to enjoy her newfound free time, but she's been tasked with keeping an eye on team galactic. she secretly doesn't mind, and has developed a friendship with saturn. she wants to visit unova sometime soon, but she's just so busy...
professor rowan: he/him, old. early 60s? haven't decided. it's the professor, man. pretty much dawns main family, since her actual one doesn't seem fond of her. he doesn't really like her hanging with former terrorists, but also, doesn't want to control her.
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omomygods · 2 years ago
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Oops, I wrote omofic, with OCs. Double oops, I may use these two again.
He giggled, little bubbles of laughter escaping him every few seconds, in between little half-caught moans of sheepish relief.
There was no getting around it: he'd begun to wet himself where he sat, right there at his best friend's kitchen table, seated in front of their lunchtime charcuterie board and double strength iced tea—a call that he wasn't sure he regretted or not. The more he tried to hold back the flow of urine, the harder it became, until he was steadily wetting slowly at the table.
"I—haah—I guess I didn't have nearly as much time as I thought I did," he said, squirming a bit in his seat.
"Are you sure you're ok, Sy?" the other young man asked. "What's wrong?"
"I was supposed to ask you where the other bathroom was...like, 20 seconds ago," Sy admitted. "I thought I could let you finish your story first."
"What do you mean..."
The question hit the air softly, a question asked curiously but gently. It was a question that was answered fairly quickly as the sound of liquid hitting the ground acted like a trigger, pulling a wince out of Sy as a sudden gush left his body, pooling on the seat beneath him.
"I'm not going to make it, Val," Sy said. "I mean technically I already didn't, but if I get up it's, it's going to be an even worse mess."
"Well, at the very least, don't hurt yourself," Val admonished. "You did this on the road trip and it messed you up for days."
"What are ya saying, Val?" Sy asked, no longer shifting around as the act officially had started making things worse rather than making them better.
"I'm saying go."
"Get up? I don't know if I can..."
"I'm not saying get up. I'm saying go."
Comprehension dawned on Sy suddenly. "Like as in—"
"Pee." Val made a sweeping welcoming gesture.
Sy did a double take. "Val, I can't just pee in your kitchen!"
Val tilted his head. "I mean technically, you've already peed in my kitchen..."
"Vaaaal..." Usually Sy didn't get whiny and pleading with his best friend, but what Val was asking of him was just...!
Val looked at Sy, seeing his dual discomforts. "...I get it, you're still embarrassed about this. It happens. It's okay."
"But—"
Val left his seat, coming around to Sy's side of the table. "I know how I can help you. I don't want to leave you alone like this, and I've needed to go for way too long. So I figure, I'm just going to relax, right here next to you."
"What does that even mean..."
Sy looked in surprise as Val's black denim suddenly became incredibly shiny in front, the change in appearance spreading quickly as a hissing noise became audible.
"Are you—"
A puddle began to form where Val stood and Sy sat, growing slowly with each noisy drip hitting the linoleum.
"Relax," Val repeated, his own posture growing more slack as his bladder emptied.
Sy's eyes widened, and he realized belatedly that he hadn't been holding as well as he had thought—the front of his jeans was saturated, rivulets of urine dripping off the front of the chair. Realization brought with it a full release, with the torrent that he had been fighting coming out of him at last. His body ceased its attempt to stay the flow, and Sy gave himself over to his grateful bladder.
By the time the both of them were empty, there was a huge puddle on the floor.
"I guess next time we swap stories, we should go to the bathroom first," Sy said, looking down at the highly reflective straw-colored puddle on the floor.
"You should get out of those and rinse off," Val said gently. "I'll find us both something dry, and I'll get the pad from the road trip out of the car after I clean this up. I'll take care of everything."
"...thanks for not making a big deal out of this," Sy said.
"Hey, if I freaked out over a little pee, I would be a rotten friend."
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piinemarder · 3 months ago
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Time to overshare and then delete later
01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
Yeah, we get along well enough, pretty different people though
02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?
My friend Tae
03: Do you regret anything?
Many things, who doesn't. Nothing comes to mind immediately that is something that was in my control.
04: Are you insecure?
Maybe? I'm very uncertain of myself but I wouldn't say it bothers me too much.
05: What is your relationship status?
🚬🪱
06: How do you want to die?
OD in the forest
07: What did you last eat?
Speculaas
08: Played any sports?
Tried tennis, field hockey, football (soccer), basketball, ultimate frisbee. Nothing got my attention. Planning to start horse riding soon.
09: Do you bite your nails?
Yes but purely for maintainance reasons, i only ever bite them if they're annoyingly long and i dont have a way to cut them at the very moment.
10: When was your last physical fight?
Play fighting, probably in the last year. Actual fight, probably a decade ago.
11: Do you like someone?
I like many people (hah). Romantically? idk if i'm entirely capable of that.
12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?
I think my max was a round 42, a decade ago. 30-40h waking periods were quite normal for me then, nowadays I usually dont let it go past 24h and drug myself.
13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?
Not sure i'm capable of true hate on a personal level. I do "hate" many people in the vague sense of they're shitty people doing shitty things (bigots, 'phobes, etc.) but in a more personal sense of people i actually know, not really, I dislike many folks but thats a me problem.
14: Do you miss someone?
yeah
15: Have any pets?
Yes, green cheek conure, jungle carpet python, rainbow stag beetle(? he's currently hibernating so idk if he's alive), multiple isopod colonies, aquatic snails, a single caridina shrimp, some kinda spider who just lives in my bathroom, currently caring for a moth pupae that was displaced while cleaning gutters.
16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?
hopeless, anxious, dogshit
17: Ever made out in the bathroom?
probably
18: Are you scared of spiders?
somewhat, i can coexist with them just fine, but I'd prefer if they are arms length away from my face if they r moving.
19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
For a little while, just to have more time with someone dear to me, but i feel i am more mentally stable now so I wouldn't want to linger. If i could retain my stability and go back i would in a heartbeat.
20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?
outside a hotel in Melbourne
21: What are your plans for this weekend?
send an email, survive
22: Do you want to have kids? How many?
absolutely not, I am not equipped to deal with them.
23: Do you have piercings? How many?
Yes, technically four but in my head its two because they're pairs. Snake bites and angel bites. Did have my bridge for almost a year but it kept flaring up due to a shitty pierce job, plan to get it redone next year.
24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?
Before my mental state got too bad I was very good at math.
25: Do you miss anyone from your past?
Question 14
26: What are you craving right now?
watermelon jerky
27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
probably
28: Have you ever been cheated on?
probably, its not something i care about tbh
29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?
yeah
30: What’s irritating you right now?
where i live
31: Does somebody love you?
no <3 (yes, probably)
32: What is your favourite color?
brown, green, red, yelloworange
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33: Do you have trust issues?
yeah
34: Who/what was your last dream about?
i dont remember tbh
35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?
my piercer technically, but that was not emotional and just a side effect of being stabbed in the face y'know.
emotionally, my mother probably, idk if she saw though because i just kept it to myself
36: Do you give out second chances too easily?
nope
37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?
forget
38: Is this year the best year of your life?
i guess?
39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?
idk probably like 4 or some bs, but actual memorable, consenting kiss was 18
40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?
not that im aware of
51: Favourite food?
watermelon
52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
nah
53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
i am in bed, and before this i did medical aftercare
54: Is cheating ever okay?
relationship-wise, no, unless there is a an agreement of allowance.
In anything else, yeah
55: Are you mean?
yeah
56: How many people have you fist fought?
many, cbf counting, back went i was pretty unstable
57: Do you believe in true love?
Not in a traditional sense
58: Favourite weather?
overcast, foggy, cold
59: Do you like the snow?
yes
60: Do you wanna get married?
not in a traditional sense, i dont care about it
61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?
i dont want a boy or girl to call me baby. I do enjoy my partner calling me baby though.
62: What makes you happy?
nature, my parrot, my warm bed, driving
63: Would you change your name?
i dont really have a set name
i have changed my legal name previously, but it is generic and i dont like it, but it keeps me safe being generic so i dont plan to change it
64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?
65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
uh nty, not interested in cis folks, thats the closest to "opposite sex" i have ig
saying that, I only have one cis friend and i would probably consider it so idk lmao, I can fix him, uncis him.
66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?
again, only one cis friend, and yea.
67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?
please no more opposite sex questions, i cant just dox my one cis friend
68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?
Probably Aaron, idk
69: Do you believe in soulmates?
not in a traditional sense, i believe you can bond with someone on a deep-soul level but i dont think its predetermined
70: Is there anyone you would die for?
yeah
70 horrible questions ... Fuck it
01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?
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cow-legs · 9 months ago
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Of course it does feel a little silly to make big update posts about how im burned out and am trying to take a break from drawing right in the middle of a time where im uploading new art more relatively consistently than i have in a very long time it feels like but i guess it was still important to make the distinction, between things that i enjoy drawing and can keep doing vs things i dont enjoy doing at all and need to stop immediately, just for my own sake.
Openly telling people "yuuup i'm not going to be drawing anything other than super basic shit from now on for a long time" means that whenever i think of drawing anything post-worthy i know i will feel silly for posting it after saying that, and from there if i still decide to go through with it anyway it was probably something i actually wanted to draw and enjoyed doing while if this thought made me self conscious enough to not go through with it then it was probably something i wanted to draw only due to impulsive obligation rather than something i wanted to spend time making just for the fun of doing it so the spell gets broken. So its a functional enough system, i guess.
&now that this distinction has been made in my brain i can spend more time doing shit i actually enjoy instead of letting it get beaten out by the things i "should" be working on every time
Putting my foot down and going "no, i am not going to keep forcing myself to do detailed clean lineart on even more detailed sketches when i get much more enjoyment out of just doing really rough and simple shit instead" after i have found myself independently coming to realizations about what kinds of art just suck the life out of me over and over again and then just disregarding these realizations every single time to go back to the shit that kills me because "well this is how you normally do it" or "this technically looks nicer, in some aspects" and finally just fucking forcing myself to stop doing that is probably overall more helpful to my mental health than just forcing myself to stop drawing altogether when thats a drastic move that may or may not be the actual solution. Now i am finding and re-learning ways to create things that don't make me feel like i am a walking corpse so i think i will take the feeling of thinking i look a little silly for seemingly disregarding my big life updates over never having found these things out for myself at all any day.
I don't really know why i feel like making update posts in the first place when to be honest i dont think it really matters, people arent paying me for any of this and i stopped feeling "sorry" for "not posting enough" or such things as that a long time ago so it's not like i feel any kind of legitimate need to tell people about what my status is creative-wise. But i guess a large part of it is just that i like talking and have a lot of things to say but for various personal reasons have no desire to post 99% of these thoughts publicly so it's the like rare chance i get to actually start saying shit on any of my art accounts that is actually relevant to the subject at hand without crossing my own boundaries and saying more than i am comfortable with
It is a little weird feeling writing update posts though because i dont really know how to word them in any way that doesnt come off as a fanfic authors note going "sorry its been a whole 20 minutes since the last update i got mugged and all my money was stolen and he broke my leg also but im trying my best to write more despite this" like girl focus on the mugging not this shit. When in reality i actually dont care very much about providing Content as much as the hypothetical fanfic author i just felt the need to say something because why not and didnt know how to word it in a way that makes me not come off like that. which is how you get this i guess. anyway i already forgot what the point of this post was i guess i just wanted to say some shit. which tracks i suppose.
The moral of the story or some shit i guess is that even if you are not doing art as a job it can still end up feeling like one and killing your creative spirit like one would and you need to be able to identify when this is happening and what things you dont actually want to create even though you feel like you "should" so you can kill these practices before they kill you
or something like that
I dont really care about having a point here i wrote this at 2 am
i just like talking
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ink-nurse · 2 years ago
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Protecting Your Tattoo From Sun Damage
Tattoos & The Sun: How To Protect A New Tattoo From Sun Damage
There are a wide range of factors that can alter the vibrancy and crispness of your body art as the years go by, but ultimately nothing will cause a blurred and damaged tattoo quite like the effect of the sun.
Most of us have experienced the nasty sting of sunburn and (should, by now) know the importance of sun-safety, especially in climates as harsh as Australia. Many people, despite being equipped with this knowledge, aren't aware that these sun-safe tips also apply to taking care of your body art.
If you have some new ink and you're concerned about the dangers of the sun's UV rays, then read on as we explain sun damaged tattoos, how best to avoid them, and what to do if your ink has already seen a little too much sunlight.
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How sun exposure can lead to a blurred, damaged tattoo
When a new tattoo is being drawn on the skin, essentially what's happening is that multiple needles are injecting coloured ink pigments directly into the dermis (middle layer) of your skin. When your skin is exposed to the sunlight, the sun's ultraviolet rays (UVA and UVB) tend to penetrate both the top layer (epidermis) and dermis. This is when the ink pigments begin to separate and break down, resulting in faded, blurred, or distorted body art.
Why is it important to of protect a new tattoo from the sun?
Aside from infection, too much sunlight is the worst thing that can happen to a tattoo during its healing stage. It's important to remember that until the scabbing process of your tattoo is complete, it is technically classified as an unprotected open wound. When exposing an open wound (new tattoo) to the sun, it is exposed to the risk of sunburn which will damage the tattoo far quicker than healed skin. If this happens, the best-case scenario is a prolonged healing time for your tattoo. In more extreme cases, a tattoo damaged by the sun during its healing process may result in permanent distortion in the lines and colouring of your ink.
What can I use to protect my tattoo from the sun?
When your tattoos have completely healed, it's imperative to treat these areas of skin just as you would any other part of your body. This doesn't mean spending the rest of your life in dark and shady places in order to preserve the vibrancy of your ink, however, the less exposure your skin has to UV rays, the better. To make the most of your fun in the sun without constantly stressing about the dangers of excessive sunlight, it's best to stick to these rules:
Wear sun-protective clothing and a hat
Apply a generous amount of SPF30 (or higher) sunscreen, at least 20 minutes before going outside
Stick to shady areas when possible
How to protect a new tattoo from the sun
During its initial healing stages (until the itching and scabbing process is complete), it's best to keep your tattoo completely out of direct contact with sunlight. It's also essential that during this stage of healing, no sunscreen is applied to your tattoo as this may result in an allergic reaction or infection. If need be, you can use more than one measure of protection to ensure your tattoo is covered, such as use of a breathable bandage as well as loose, sun-protective clothing.
How to treat sunburn on a new tattoo
If (despite your best intentions) you realise that the area of skin around your new tattoo has become sunburnt, the first step is moving from the sun and into the shade as quickly as possible. Once you've done this, attempt to cool your skin down with a cold shower (never take a bath while your ink is healing as this can result in infection). Once your skin has been thoroughly cleaned and cooled off, gently apply our moisturising remedy cream to the affected area in order to rehydrate your skin.
It's also important to remember that hydrated skin requires a hydrated body. To further ensure the restoration of your skin, make sure you're maintaining healthy fluid levels by drinking plenty of water during recovery periods.
How to fix a sun damaged tattoo
It's important to remember that sun damage to tattoos is permanent and cannot be fully reversed. However, if you have an older tattoo that's seen too much sunlight, there are a couple of options available to help restore its appearance. Here's what you can do the fix the appearance of a sun damaged tattoo:
Touch-up or rework:
If the tattoo has only been slightly affected by the sun, a touch-up or rework session with a professional tattoo artist can help restore its original appearance.
Tattoo removal:
If the damage is severe, tattoo removal may be necessary. This process involves the use of a laser to break down the pigment in the skin. It's important to note that this process can be painful and may cause scarring.
Camouflage tattoo:
Another option is to have a professional artist cover the damaged area with a new tattoo. This is known as a camouflage tattoo and can help hide the damage and improve the overall appearance of your tattoo.
Reference Link: https://ink-nurse.com/blogs/tattoo-info/protecting-your-tattoo-from-sun-damage
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lumentears · 3 years ago
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Bloodborne Bosses rated by how they smell, from worst to best
22. The Orphan of Kos
Imagine the world's grungiest harbour. Imagine smelling algae, rotting seawood and a million dead, decomposing fish bobbing belly-up on the waves. Now imagine giving birth there.
Rating: I'm counting the fact that the good hunter does not spend the first seconds of the fight dry-heaving as a plot hole.
21. The One Reborn
Look at it. It's a few dozen dead people held together with superglue. You cannot expect it to smell like anything other than rotting flesh and blood and whatever birth juices the moon had to offer.
Rating: They do say babies have a special newborn smell...don't think that's what they meant.
20. The Blood-Starved Beast
I know that smelling of blood is a recurring theme in this list, but look at that thing. Look at it. It clearly smells like blood and the wettest dog that has never been cleaned in its life.
Rating: I've learned that the mane on its head is not in fact matted fur but aaaalll the skin of its body. I haven't slept since.
19: Laurence, The First Vicar
Two words: Burnt. Hair. The man smells like a whole fur coat factory that's been lit on fire.
Rating: A smell that brings tears to any hunters eyes.
18. Ludwig, the Accursed
Expanding our olfactory library, this boss smells not only of blood but also of horse! As someone who has spent some time of their teens in a stable, this is not a compliment. I had to throw away my working jacket.
Rating: A smell not even a horse girl could love.
17. The Witches of Hemwick
They clearly have weaponized old people smell. Just look at them, they are not taking care of their living space or of their bodies. Look at them. There's stuff growing on them.
Rating: I can smell the pickled cabbage from here.
16. Martyr Logarius
He also has the most pungent old people smell, but as opposed to the witches who are marinating in their senior citizen stink, he is located at the top of a windy roof and the smell is slightly dispersed.
Rating: My nose has frozen off, I cannot smell the pickled cabbage anymore.
15. Ebrietas, Daughter of the Cosmos
On the plus side: Ebrietas smell definitely has some notes of petrichor. However, she predominantly smells like petrichor's evil cousin, the smell of all the worms and slugs that used the rain to make the long trek across asphalted streets and died there.
Rating: Smell of my childhood (derogatory).
14. Father Gascoigne
It's not your fault, buddy. After a long night of hunting you will smell like blood and sweat, especially when you're also in the middle of going full beast mode, which also adds the smell of wet dog.
Rating: I don't blame you, buddy, but I will surreptitiously hand you an axe body spray.
13. Cleric Beast
Beats out Father Gascoigne on the technicality that I don't think it can sweat. Otherwise blood, wet dog, you've heard it before.
Rating: Can anyone recommend a pet groomer that specialises in large breeds?
12. Lady Maria of the Astral Clocktower
I know, I know, Lady Maria is big sexy, but she also smells like stale blood and fish guts because you better believe the nightmare won't let her forget. I like to think she at least uses some sort of perfume to mitigate the effects.
Rating: Diversity Win! This woman smells bad!
11: Micolash, Host of the Nightmare
Look at him. Look at his face. You cannot tell me he showers regularly. Bonus points because while he doesn't smell pleasant, there's at least no arcane fuckery going on with his stink. He just doesn't shower.
Rating: Nasty man.
10: Gehrman, the First Hunter
You can't escape the old people smell, but you can mitigate its effects. While Gehrman certainly doesn't seem the most invested in personal hygiene, he doesn't give me the "feral man living off of forgotten snacks in the university library" as Micolash does.
Rating: Congratulations! I wouldn't change seats if he sat down next to me on public transport.
9: Rom, the Vacouus Spider
Her smell is extremely subjective. It's definitely a wet smell, damp basement if I had to narrow it down, and while some people will find it nice and calming other's will check the walls for mold in a panic.
Rating: This post was made by the loving damp basements gang.
8: Darkbeast Paarl
Yes, we are continuing on our "beasts smell like wet dog" campaign, but given that Paarl is barely more than a zappy skeleton, this smell is greatly overpowered by the minutes-before-a-thunderstorm-smell of his electric charge.
Rating: Putting it so high on the list hurt me because I do not like Darkbeast Paarl.
7: The Shadows of Yharnam
I don't think these dudes smell too bad! Maybe their robes have a slight mothball scent, and maybe you will catch a whiff of unclean snake terrarium when you get too close - but they have fire magic and swords to discourage you getting up close and personal anyway.
Rating: Sadly I have had to get close to many an unclean snake terrarium in my life, so I appreciate their social distancing.
6: Amygdala
Guys, I'm stumped. I honestly do not think Amygdala has any smell at all, or at least a smell our brains can recognise. Far outside the smellable spectrum! The perfect true neutral!
Rating: Yes, that means each boss that follows is on the pleasant side of the olfactory scale.
5: Celestial Emissary
With the Celestial Emissary, you get all the benefits of Darkbeast Paarl without the underlying notes of beastlyhood. Points docked only for the smell probably being a bit intense and irritating after a while.
Rating: Enjoyable from a distance, would not recommend huffing.
4: Vicar Amelia
She is freshly transformed. Her fur is clean and not even slightly damp. She's also been surrounded by incense in her chapel. Some points docked for doggy breath, but honestly, she's the best smelling beast out there.
Rating: I'm not a furry I'm nooooottt!!!
3: Living Failures
Whatever the Celestial Emissary has going on, but a bit less intense. No pharmaceutical warning stickers on these funky dudes! The most apt comparison would be the elusive gas station smell.
Rating: Even more reason to be their friend.
2. Mergo's Wetnurse
Now, I hear your questions. How could such a monstrous being be so high up on the list? But listen, Great Ones are not beholden to our earthly scents. They will smell however the fuck they want to smell. And, as a wetnurse, I imagine Mergo's Wetnurse's scent to be a soothing one, if completely uncomparable to any other found on earth.
Rating: To unbury an ancient tumblr meme: Smells like a cinnamon roll but would definitely kill you.
1. The Moon Presence
Contrasting her ghastly appearance, I imagine her smelling quite refeshing, flowery even, much like the hunter's dream itself. Her name is Flora, for crying out loud. Now imagine how the good hunter feels when they realise that nothing in the hunter's dream really gives off its own smell, and that perfume must be coming from somewhere - or something - else.
Rating: It's not a coincidence that Moon Presence sounds like the name of an expensive perfume.
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