#technically anyways. I'm liberal with my use of the word. I don't think it's very good art

[bees-in-the-machine]

[id: digital art showing a boarderless window on a pixel art background. The window title bar is pink and only has windows xp style buttons to minimize, maximize, and close the window. The body of the window is yellow with bold purple all-caps text "INTRODUCING TUMBLR LIVE". The background has low resolution clouds in a purple sky, with green ground cover below. The pixel size is very inconsistent throughout. end id]

[ambrossart]

good morning!!! I hope this week is better than your last, I’m looking forward to the next chapter of Paper Men! I was rereading and noticed that it seems, of all her love interests, Patrick is the only one who doesn’t hold her to this impossibly high standard. I was wondering if you did this intentionally (because I can tell everything you’ve written so far has been) or if this could change? I feel like this is partially why I root for Patrick even though he’s bad news, he’s different than Henry and Vic… he’s openly interested in Evelyn and seems to admire her (admire might be a strong word for him) differently than the other guys have been. idk if any of this makes sense lol. just seems unlike Vic and Henry, he doesn’t need Evelyn to be perfect.

Well, tomorrow (or uh… today, technically) is my birthday, so this week is already gonna be better than the last lol. I was just really busy with work last week, and I'm still getting used to my new writing schedule. Normally, I have a little free time during the afternoon to write, but not anymore. Now I have to do all my writing late at night. I don't love that, but I don’t really have a choice.

Anyway, it absolutely was intentional to have Patrick treat Evelyn differently because I want people to understand why someone like Patrick (who, at first glance, probably doesn't seem like Evelyn's type) might appeal to her, especially at this point in her life.

When it comes to relationships, Evelyn is very direct. If she likes someone, either romantically or platonically, it's pretty obvious that she likes them. Evelyn's not good at holding in her emotions, and that, unfortunately, can be overwhelming for a lot of people. We saw that with Victor when they were kids. Evelyn came on very strong right out of the gate and Victor couldn't handle it, so he kept pushing her away until Evelyn eventually gave up and moved on. Then she got “involved” with Henry, which was a slight improvement but came with all kinds of other problems. And you’re right, he does hold her to an impossible standard. Henry demands perfection and absolute loyalty from his partner; otherwise he doesn’t feel safe. That’s all well and good for Henry, but it’s not exactly fair to Evelyn.

Frankly, Evelyn’s exhausted right now. She’s tired of putting all her time and energy into one-sided relationships. She wants to be wanted. She wants to be desired. So now here comes Patrick, who is very consistent and clear about what he wants: he wants her, that’s all. He doesn’t play hard to get. He doesn’t pull away. And he doesn’t place any expectations or restrictions on her. With Patrick, Evelyn can do whatever she wants. She can be clingy and emotional. (In fact, Patrick wants her to be emotional. The guy’s a leech; he feeds off that shit.) She can’t cross a line because Patrick has no boundaries. It’s basically impossible to make that man uncomfortable. That’s gotta be pretty liberating for someone who’s used to walking on eggshells.

Most importantly, Patrick displays a genuine (or at least a seemingly genuine) interest in her, her life, her hobbies. He asks questions. He listens. He remembers. Does he have an ulterior motive? Of course he does, but does that really matter? Eh, I’ll leave that up to you. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Right now, Patrick is exactly what Evelyn needs, and I think if she ever lets her guard down, she’ll be surprised by how attracted to him she really is.

… which is what Patrick is counting on. 😂

[just-antithings]

Re: refrainbow (creator of the Boyfriends webtoon) saying the n-word. (Note, I'll be switching between he and they pronouns for refrainbow, since he uses both, I hope it doesn't end up confusing. Also, the bold is to help with reading (at least, it helps with my ADHD, but there's also a td;lr at the bottom as well))

I don't have screenshots or links, but it's been noted that refrainbow has admitted to having said it when he was younger and still learning English (mostly from the internet). They are Indonesian and did not know the history behind the slur. I'm not sure they even knew it was a slur until getting called out for it; from what I've seen, refrainbow thought it was English slang calling someone stupid or bad, due to learning it through I think gaming, where the n-word and other slurs were often thrown around liberally.

People ofc are valid being wary around refrainbow or anyone who's used the n-word or other slurs as general insults (or just saying them in general). No one is entitled to anyone's forgiveness.

One thing I've seen thought up, though, is people saying that refrainbow should have known anyway that the word was off-limits. One anti art-commentary youtuber said, "I knew as a little kid that it was a BAD word, that you just DO NOT say." And yes, as an American kid, I'm sure they were observant enough to realize that it was a horrible word, even if they did not automatically know the history of that word.

Refrainbow is NOT American. He was learning English mainly through the internet, iirc, and even if he was also taking formal English classes, there usually isn't a section on slurs in said language. Now, in my French class, part of the lesson plan was learning about racism north African and Middle Eastern people faced in France (a very compressed lesson; I barely remember what the teacher told us in that lecture). We were not told slurs and told "Do not, under any circumstances, say these words." If I'd been in an online gaming community with a bunch of French kids back then, there is every possibility I could have repeated slurs in French, not knowing they were slurs, if everyone around me were using them like general insults. I would have assumed it was slang first, not slurs.

As for why antis add refrainbow saying the n-word at the very end of a rant/call-out, this is a pretty common tactic that I've seen in call-out-type posts I end up coming across. Lots of buzzwords are used, many with the barest amount of "evidence" (if there is any, or if there is, it's usually worst-faith takes of some post or passage from a fic). Usually it's full of rhetoric meant to stoke people's anger or disgust, and then at the very end is a claim not mentioned in the bulk of the call-out/rant and usually a shorter sentence. It's usually something worse than what else has been stated and may or may not come with actual proof, and this last part might be actually true or true if you hide context around it.

I think there are two main reasons for this. One is that depending on how long the call-out/rant is, most people are more likely to pay attention to just the beginning and end parts, skimming over the rest. Placing "the worse/worst thing" at the end then makes sure people actually read it. Another reason (tied to the first reason) is that this last point is more likely to stick in people's memories this way, so if people only skimmed the rest, they're more likely to believe the other points are true, too, especially if that last point has evidence attached or is easily searched.

There's been a few call-outs in my fandom recently (some were technically responses to earlier call-outs, showing proof that the original people making their call-out posts were lying/twisting the truth), so whenever I find myself getting disgusted or upset, I make sure to go back and read it more closely (if the call-out is about someone I follow/a mutual; I don't have energy to read rants about people I've never heard of before).

td;lr: refrainbow did say the n-word before, he's apologized, explaining that he was still learning English at the time and didn't know how bad the word was, and using points like this at the bottom of a call-out post seems to be deliberate, so that people remember The Bad Thing about the person more clearly.

.

[the-cookie-of-doom]

Interested in your answers for 17 and 19 of the choose violence ask game, if you'd like to share them! Thank you :)

I was halfway through answering when I realized I totally misread the ask game. It is... not intended to be as dark as I made my answers, I think... oh well! I'm sticking to my guns. Anyone who's read my stuff knows this is a dead dove household lol

17. There should be more of this kind of fic/art

Oh man I'm about to Reveal Myself, but... I think KP as a whole could really use more noncon/dubcon, but KimChay especially (and Kim specifically). I read a fic a looong time ago when I first entered the fandom, it was like 400 words, and I'm not gonna name it in case the author doesn't want to be attached to it, but it was so good. Essentially Chay is very enthusiastic in the smut and Kin can't bring himself to say no, and I just!!! That is the good shit to me. I feel like especially post-reconciliation, Kim is exactly the kind of person that would overcompensate for breaking Chay's heart by giving him everything he wants. (i may be writing a fic about this already, called Stress Relief. That may or may not ever be posted. That may or may not be based on my own personal trauma. Anyway.) On a lighter note! I want to see more AUs! I'm a bit spoiled coming from the TW fandom, which is like. One of the most prolific fandoms on Ao3. But mannn, I want to see KimChay writers branch out and get absolutely unhinged with their AUs!

19. You're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

Lets be real. My first answer was non-con. There's really not a lot I'm ashamed about lol. I mean I've got like 3 different tentacle monster fics in the works, I've got a Wuju Bakery fic that's 90% slime and oviposition (technically still up for debate. Eggpreg?). I'm all in on the things I like, and don't care/think much about the things I don't. I think I've been in fandom long enough, and gotten old enough, that I just... don't have time to waste on being awkward anymore. Lose your shame! Cast off your shackles! That said I used to think rimming was really gross and I don't like it irl but there are some people who just write it like. unf. Hot damn. I'm a little mad at @ae-azile for that one chapter of Progression 👀

Also not mad/ashamed/horrified, but I was surprised at how much I love reading autistic Kim and writing trans!Kim. For the first one I think the writers in this fandom do an excellent and convincing job at characterizing him (esp @kimkhimhant my beloved <3) without infantilizing him, which... happens a lot with autistic characters. Like, the writing is so spot on that I didn't even question in, I pretty much immediately assimilated that into my mental rolodex of headcanons. 10/10 A+ effort for everyone around.

The trans!Kim aspect is also really fun. I'd never really written trans characters before, but this past year, and the past couple of months especially, I've been really struggling with my own gender and identity. So writing about that through Kim has been really therapeutic. (Adding to my first answer, we need more trans!Kim!) Although... I do hope that the particular way I've chosen to explore his gender in Dystocia is.. taken gracefully. Since it does revolve around Kim having a very traumatic pregnancy (and a lot of other trauma in general), which I know can be triggering for people. Whenever I eventually post that monster of a fic I'm just going to liberally tag it with all the things and hope for the best lol.

I think Dystocia and Stress Relief are two fics that I'm incredibly nervous to post, both because of how personally significant they are to me in a way most of my fics aren't, and because they're both very dark, which IDK if that's something people really want to see from KimChay (esp in Stress Relief).

Anyway! This is a lot wordier and darker than it probably needed to be, and IDK if it's what you were looking for dear anon, but thank you for the ask!

[violets-in-her-arms-writes]

WIP Wednesday Tag

Thank you @rubywrite for the tag ! ♥ (even though it took me 3 days to answer XD) It forced me to write on my main WIP, so thank you so much !

RULES:

In a reblog (or new post/w rules attached) post up to five filenames of your WIPs, not titles, file names

Post a snippet from one of them. Snippet must be something you wrote in the last 7 days (we're posting progress here. If you haven't made any, go make some and come back to post!)

After you've posted, people can send you an ask with one of your file names. You must then write 3 sentences in that file. If the filename is one you can't share from, write 3 sentences on it anyway and then 3 more on another to share!

That's it! You can invite others to join in or just post. If you tag me in your post, I will send you an ask request.

I usually name my WIP documents with the (temporary) title, so I'm afraid it won't be very interesting but anyway, here are 5 of my recent-ish WIPs:

🦇 La Fledgling (version complète) → doc where I compile all the things I've written for this WIP, because otherwise they are separated in "chapter 1" to "chapter 11" documents, but I like to have a complete doc to know how many words I have

🧜‍♀️ Mermaid AU → not very original since this is, you guessed it, an AU where the two main characters of the Fledgling are mermaids (well, one is currently drowning but I only have 600 words, I'll get to the mermaid part one day). It's a baby WIP, something I write for fun when I don't feel like writing for the main WIP. I might try my hand at a soulmate AU next, but I need to decide what kind and that's gonna need a lot of thinking (15 minutes to three business weeks, basically).

🌠The Wishing Star → it was my Camp NaNo project, about a woman who wants to become a pilot in a war-torn galaxy but first has to serve in a postal ship. Unfortunately, the ship is attacked but the resistance, she discovers she's adopted and has to fight to liberate her birth planet. Poor girl. It's currently on hold, because I was tired of it by the end of April XD

🐍The Witch's Time (tome 3) → the love of my life and bane of my existence. I'm stuck in the middle of this book, I need to cut half of it and put it in the 4th book and figure out... so many things. I printed the first two and they are soooo pretty. Unfortunately, this third book is kicking my ass. I'll be back Llewella, I swear, but I need time. It's not you, it me (I say, like a liar). It's technically an AU of another project of mine, but it grew a mind of its own and now I'm attached.

👽 Le truc avec les aliens (tome 2) → technically, its name is "Empire Déchu, tome 2 - La malédiction de Suli" but that's way too long so I just call it 'the thing with the aliens' because, really, that's what this is. A novel. With aliens. And a poor girl kidnapped and hailed as the saviour of a dying sect who want to resurrect a dead guy.

Now that I'm face to face with a few of my WIPs, I realized a lot of them have English titles, for some reason. I mean... I know why "La Fledgling" is called that (hint: it's because i couldn't find a good equivalent in French. Come on, jeune ? Débutante ? That's... not good. I'm not writing about a noble woman making her debut in society, be serious). But the others are just... choices. It sounded good and now it's stuck. Ok, maybe not 'the wishing star' because I don't like this title, but for WsT it's too late. I'm three books in, I can't go back.

Excerpt behind the cut, because this post is getting a little too long.

Excerpt:

"What do you want?" I asked her without giving her a chance to say anything.

As much as I hoped she would call me with something positive to say, I had known Anaëlle Charles since kindergarten. If she called me, it was always a bad sign.

"Jo, dear, I could use your help."

"Yes, I know. That's why I asked you what you wanted, moron."

I got up from my warm and cozy bed, still talking, put my phone on speaker the floor, and began to fumble for my clothes in the dark. Where the fuck was my left sock ? I was pretty sure my shirt was inside-out, but I doubted anyone would notice where I was going. Wherever that was.

Please dont let in be the swamps again, I prayed while putting my boots on.

"I'm... in trouble."

I was about to tell her that, yeah, obviously she was in trouble, she wouldn’t be calling at four in the morning if she wasn't, but something in her voice stopped me. It didn’t sound like the «I’m lost in the swamps again» kind of troubles, not even the «I think my magic is trying to eat me (again)» kind of trouble, both of which I could solve with my eyes close (mostly). It sounded… Like the bad kind of trouble. The one I wasn’t awake enough for.

Before I could ask her what the fuck was going on and why she sounded so… off, she went on, her voice almost as low as a sigh. Her breath sizzled in the receiver and I could hear her fingernails clicking against something metallic.

Ana was good at pretending, but she always ended up betraying herself.

"I'm at 23 Boulevard de l'Aube. Come get me. Hurry."

She pulled the phone away from her, shouted something I didn't understand, and hung up.

Tagging : @ladyniniane, @flowerprose and @amewinterswriting if you want to play (even tho it's not wednesday...)

[femsolid]

I'm not annoyed with you, I'm annoyed with the reformist trend that turns radical movements into soup in its quest to make it more marketable and inclusive of those who don't practice what they preach. Like this ridiculous "liberal feminism" we're being subjected to. I'm not scolding you, just giving my opinion on a form of activism I find detrimental to our common cause.

I know you said you're not using an argument from authority but it keeps creeping up.

"but i'm not an authority on separatism" here it is. Why do you need to be an authority to be certain of what you say? To be adamant? Who is that authority? What is that authority even?

Then you asked "According to who?" Well that's me you're talking with so it's according to me. It's a rhetorical question from you implying that my statement is wrong (or doubtful) because it comes from me and not "an authority".

Anyway the whole conversation has circled back to your opinion that there are many "forms" of separatism, some involving not actually separating from men, and me saying it doesn't make any sense, like a vegan eating meat as "a form" of veganism. Separatism is very straightforward and it's central aspect is refusing to date men (according to who? me again, just little old me). I think you call "forms of separatism" what I simply call feminism. Feminism is beneficial as well, it's just not separatism. My opinions have nothing to do with 6B4T, I became a separatist before that movement came out, but they seem to view separatism the same way I do. We are not authorities, we're just separatists. We separate from men and expect other separatists to do the same (and we want all women do the same.)

"anyway if you think i'm de-radicalizing women, that's your prerogative." yes I do think that type of speech is de-radicalizing a radical movement and discouraging women from radicality. It's not particular to you, just something I've noticed a lot lately as I'm subscribed to the separatist tag and all I see are posts saying you don't need to actually be a separatist to be one, pretty much. You just happened to be the person I finally decided to answer to, maybe because I like your posts often so it surprised me to read that. Liberals also started by calling us "purist" when we tried to defend basic feminism. Then it became "you can be a feminist even if you do this very obvious anti-feminist thing". Which is the way I perceive your argument here.

Because even according to your own definition "i have my own way of describing separatism (it has to de-center men and divest from patriarchy in some way)" heterosexual relationships aren't compatible with separatism. A woman who dates or marries a man centers a man and helps the patriarchy doesn't she? Isn't it the main way patriarchy maintains itself? Didn't we agree on that? So it doesn't divest from patriarchy and it doesn't de-center men. "Pure" this, "pure" that, it's just that words have meaning don't they? When you're a separatist, you separate from something, you don't partner with it.

Like you I'm tired and don't want to talk in circle. We don't have to agree. We can both advocate our own way and I guess we'll see which works best. Women only spaces are always useful, even if it's not technically separatism to me.

btw separatism is mutli-modal and you can still be het-partnered and practice separatism. as much as i believe the most effective kind of separatism is not partnering with men, i don't think that excludes women from other forms of separatism bc it doesn't.

[hellomynameisbisexual]

Tell us about your sexuality, and any terms you align with

I identify as bisexual. I also really like the words gay and queer. Because I have a strong sexual preference for women, I really identify with the word gay, I think it reflects how far away from being straight I am. I've never felt straight in my whole life, so using these words feels important to me to validate my identity.

I thought about the word pansexual for a while, as I feel like I could be attracted to any gender, but gender makes a big difference for me in terms of how I like the person - romantically, sexually, both, so perhaps I'm technically omnisexual. But no one outside of the bi+ community has heard of that word! So I would never use it personally. I feel like the word bisexual needs to be reclaimed and heard more, so it's a word I'm very happy to use.

I see a big difference between romantic and sexual attraction. I would describe myself as biromantic and bisexual overall but I have strong preferences within these. Romantically, I lean strongly towards men. I like relationships with men and feel close to them in ways which I haven't felt with women. Sexually, I have a strong preference for women. I notice women a lot more, and fancy a lot more women than men. I like loads of female celebrities but could only name a handful of male celebrities that I like. I don't usually feel sexually attracted to a man until I have to gotten to know him and formed a connection. I have to like his company, find him funny and clever and interesting. Sometimes he would be queer too, and maybe feminine or playing with gender roles - I find these things really attractive. And the man has to find me attractive before I can consider liking him back - I'm a very flirtatious person in general, so I think I usually have a good idea of if someone likes me or not. I don't really know what all these things mean, and it's not something I worry about too much. Once I do fancy a man, I feel strongly about him, romantically and sexually, and I feel closer to them than I do with women, because of the bond we have made.

I really identify with the idea of sexual fluidity. My romantic preference for men seems really quite stable, but I see my sexual attraction as changing across days, weeks, months, years. The idea of my sexuality being the exact same all of the time is completely alien to me. I think generally my sexual preference for women always remains, but the degree to which I prefer them alters. At times, I've exclusively found women attractive for a while, but then I return to finding other people attractive again too. Sometimes it's clear to me why I feel like this, like if I've met someone new who I've found attractive, but usually it seems completely random. When I change like this it feels so real to me. I see myself as a bit of an unreliable narrator, in that it's hard to remember how I've felt in the past, because the way I feel presently feels so real to me. But who cares anyway? It's only how I feel now that's important. I'm married to a bisexual man, and my feelings for him, romantically and sexually, never change. He's so wonderful about it and has always said, "the only thing that's important is that we love each other."

Personally I see being bisexual as a huge part of my personality. I see myself as such an open person, very liberal, super curious, flirtatious and impulsive too. I realise some of these things are big stereotypes for bisexual people, but that's really how I am and I'm ok with that. I see being bisexual as being totally intertwined with the core of who I am.

Has coming out been part of your experience? If so, what did coming out mean to you?

My experience was definitely shaped by being brought up in a very rural area, where I didn't know any queer adults at all. I grew up in quite a conservative household, where the TV would be turned off if there were gay people on, and we didn't really know anyone outside of our little white, straight village. I remember from about the age of 9 or 10 that I felt this disconnection from the other girls at school. They would be talking about boys they fancied and I had no idea what they were talking about. Then I realised that I liked girls, fancied them, I remember always thinking about female popstars, and wishing they weren't singing about liking men, why weren't they singing about women instead? I felt absolutely nothing about boys, so I deduced that I must be a lesbian. I was about 10 when I told my family that I would never marry anyone or have my own children. I didn't tell them why at this point. My self-esteem at the time was so low, I genuinely thought that I'd spend my life alone, because who would want to be with someone who had thoughts like me, and I thought that lesbians couldn't have children, because it was 1999 and this just didn't happen then. And I thought "I can't tell anyone about this awful part of me". Even at a really young age I felt that I would have to move far, far away to live my life in a more accepting place. That's how I remember feeling. I remember my family laughing at me fondly for saying these things, but when I look back I'm proud of the younger me who was figuring out who they were and starting to share this with people at such a young age.

I had my first experiences with girls. One of the girls told her younger sister, who then went out of her way to tell everyone about it and that I was a lesbian. She would shout at me in the street, on the school bus and in front of my family, to make sure that everyone would know. In such a small village it didn't take much for everyone to hear about it. There were other girls at school who would call me a lesbian too. The amount of shame I felt was awful, but also I remember thinking that I could handle it, that my other gay friends were having a harder time than me, and I clearly remember thinking, "I'm not so sure, maybe I'm not technically a lesbian!", which used to make me laugh! And it helped me make a little bit of light out of what otherwise would have been quite a dark time. And now, when I look back, I don't think it was such a bad thing to be outed so young, because at the end of the day I got through it, had great friends, and I could just be totally myself.

It was a few years later when I realised I liked boys too, and started to go out with them. A few of my friends at school were gay, and loads of my friends outside school were queer, so I felt like I could be completely myself and no one really questioned me. I could go to parties and be with boys or girls, and no one cared. No one made me define myself. I guess because it was such a rural area, we were allowed to run free in a way - there were no adults around, there was a lot of alcohol and drugs, and always loads of people. But there was never any pressure to be a certain way or to do certain things. I feel so lucky to have been friends with such open, accepting people. We were like a little community of people who didn't quite fit in, who didn't quite belong, but with each other we could be completely ourselves.

I had a few boyfriends, and I came out to them all, or sometimes they knew already. They were always fine about it, sometimes they thought it was cool, sometimes it was just no big deal, some of them were at least "bi-curious" anyway. I think that just says a lot about the accepting crowd I was in, it was just a really wonderful place to grow up like that. Then I had my first proper girlfriend when I was 17. We had to keep it a secret as she wasn't 'out', not that I'm sure how she would identify anyway as we never discussed it. We also both had boyfriends at the time. I finished with my boyfriend as I only wanted to be with her, but she didn't end things with her boyfriend. The whole situation hurt me so much, as I was so ready for everyone to know that I was in love with this girl. She was so cold with me in front of other people once we started going out, and she would get so mad with me if I tried to hold her hand or kiss her when no one was looking. But then privately she was completely different, and hyper-sexual. In the end I finished things, I felt like she was just using me, like her dirty little secret which wasn't a nice feeling at all. She was so mad at me she started a rumour at school that I was pregnant. This really makes me laugh now, I was in a lesbian relationship! So I guess that was another layer to coming out, having to awkwardly explain to family and friends that, actually, it wasn't possible for me to be pregnant!

I then moved to a university far away, and had a fantastic time and made brilliant friends, but I feel like I lost my identity a bit on the way. At university, I made friends with a group of straight women, and a different group of straight men. For some reason, I felt like I could be open about being bisexual with the men. But with the women it was like no one knew about my past experiences, I passed for straight and everyone assumed that was who I was, especially as I didn't identify as lesbian. Like that idea that you have to be one or the other - straight or gay. I wasn't really sure what to do, and I still wasn't totally sure if I was bisexual or maybe a lesbian in a bi phase. So I decided to try to date women exclusively. But there was always this barrier, where, because they were actually lesbian, I think they thought I wasn't "lesbian enough", and inside I definitely felt like I wasn't "gay enough" to fit in with them, like I didn't understand the rules of their world. I got to know one woman in particular, but she would get so annoyed with my constant questions like, "how did you know you were a lesbian?" and she didn't trust me, especially around men. So then I decided to just date men, which was also a complete disaster. My self-esteem was very low and I just had no idea who I was. I had several one-night stands with men but found that I physically couldn't do it and ended up leaving halfway through every single time, I just physically wasn't able to enjoy sex with them. This just made me even more confused. I wanted sex with women but not really with men, but I felt romantic about men and not women! Now that I know myself much better, I realise that with men I can be really sexually attracted to them once I know them well enough. But it took years to figure this out, and was definitely a barrier to me identifying as actually being bisexual, instead of trying to fit into the label of straight or lesbian.

And then I met the man who would later become my husband. He identifies as bisexual as well, which was a huge part of the attraction for me. I just feel like he totally gets me, and I really understand him too, in a way in which I never understood straight men at all. I don't remember coming out to him, or him coming out to me, I think it was just something we always knew and saw in each other, this wonderfully different way of looking at the world that we both shared. We "came out" as bisexual to a few of our friends together, which always makes me laugh now as I remember the shock on people's faces that we could both be bi! But it was a wonderful experience to share. And through him I met some really loud, out and proud bisexual people, which really helped me to become comfortable with thinking, yes, I'm bi, and that's fine, and this won't change.

Now that I'm married and in a straight facing relationship, I find things harder in terms of coming out to new people that I meet. On the surface we look like any other heterosexual couple. But it doesn't feel like that. Neither of us are straight! There are loads of people who I'm not "out" to. It feels very personal to explain to people that, "yes I have a husband, but I also like women too!" It sounds so random and overtly sexual. I don't ever hear straight or gay people reaffirming which gender they find attractive - it's assumed because of their orientation. So for me, there's almost still some shame in talking about the "other" side of me who finds women attractive, and it feels like a very personal, sexual side to share, which I'm just not comfortable sharing with everyone. But as time has gone on I've found that actually, I want to be out to more people so that I can feel like I'm being completely open and completely myself, as these values are so important to me. These days, if I feel like it, I "out" myself with a joke or a throwaway comment like, "oh I remember one time with my girlfriend...", or talking about a female celebrity I find attractive but really hamming it up. Any way to out myself without actually saying, "I'm bisexual" basically, which is a bit sad in ways.

Have you had any memorable responses from other people about your sexuality?

I think most people have been quite positive. There was definitely a culture amongst my friends growing up that trying things out and exploring things was totally fine so long as you were a good person, so I feel very fortunate in that way, and I never felt judged. And I guess those are the kinds of friends I've always made anyway. Just liberal, open people, who haven't really judged me at all. All of my friends up until when I met my husband knew I was bisexual without me having to spell it out or remind them, as it was pretty obvious from my actions! When I've told people since meeting my husband it's also generally been really positive. I have straight friends who wish me a happy pride month, and LGBTQ+ friends who totally accept who I am and who make me feel like I belong, like I'm "one of them", just through little things like making queer jokes with me. And both straight and queer friends who really make the effort to "remember" that I'm bisexual, like if we're talking about celebrities we think are hot or ex boyfriends/girlfriends, where they make the effort to include all genders. Things like that make a huge difference to me.

Straight men have always been an interesting one, as every single one of them have asked for a threesome. This didn't really bother me at the time, but looking back I feel a bit more uncomfortable about it, as though they were fetishizing my sexuality and just using me, hoping that it would happen. I also think most straight men assumed when I said that I'm bi, that what I'm really saying is that I like to kiss women when I'm drunk. That's what they think a bi woman is. So then once they got to know me, and find out that this isn't what I mean at all, they didn't like that. I've had a few ex-partners feeling like they couldn't trust me, and that I would cheat on them with a woman. There was one man in particular who was absolutely disgusted with me once I told him about my past experiences, telling me, "you can't do that with a woman and not be a lesbian!". I wish I'd been more self-assured at the time to stand up for myself more, but I kind of accepted his opinion and stayed with him for a bit anyway.

Straight women seem to be very curious about it, and I've been asked some really personal questions. No one is interested in my experiences with men, because that's the heteronormative way to be. But my experiences with women, wow, they have so many questions, as though it's fair game to ask about that. They want to know things like - how many women, what was the situation leading up to it, if I was drunk, exactly what we did. As though they want to get the measure of "how gay" I am. They always assume that anything with a woman must have been a "one off". It's like they see my liking women as an "other" side of me, a gay side, not my "real heterosexual side" - which is the side that they see. And a side which for some reason they have a right to know all about. It's such a personal, sexual conversation. I don't think I've ever asked friends (straight, gay, etc) about their sex lives! Which just goes to show, I think, how much more accepted straight and gay people still are in society in general. I've also had straight female friends being really quite unaccepting if I mention my attraction to non-binary people, queer men or feminine men. I remember one conversation with a friend, where we were talking about a male celebrity I liked. We always thought he was gay, but that morning I had found out that he's actually bisexual. I was joking with my friend that now he's bi I have a chance with him! But her reaction was awful, she said, "ugh, why would you fancy a bi man?" This was so hurtful in so many ways. I feel like my straight female friends deep down just think women should like straight cis men. For one thing, this sounds so boring to me! And also totally invalidating to someone like me as I'm not even straight myself!

I found that lesbians in general haven't trusted me either, and I never felt like I belonged to their world at all. But I think that feeling didn't just come from them but from within me too, that feeling of not being "gay enough". It always felt as though I was invading their space, or pretending I was like them but not quite measuring up. But I can't say that was their fault or anything, I think most of that feeling came from within me.

My most positive experiences have been with other bi people of all genders. It has just never been an issue with them, it's not something I've needed to explain or justify to them, and equally I felt like I totally understood them as well. At one point I dated a bisexual man with a strong preference for men. I have a strong preference for women! But together we just clicked. There's something about being in relationships with other queer people that just really works for me. We get each other, and sexually I've found them to be a lot more open and exciting too, which suits me!

Do you think your gender (if any) affects how people react to your sexuality?

Definitely. As a bisexual woman, I sometimes feel like I've had it a bit "easier", in that I think it's much easier to be a bi woman than a bi man. It seems a lot more socially accepted than being a bi man, where lots of people assume they're gay. Most people, if I tell them that I like women too, just think it's totally fine, as though it's accepted that everyone finds women a bit attractive. Or they think it just means I like kissing women when I'm drunk, which lots of straight women do anyway. So sometimes I feel like, because I'm a woman, my sexuality is watered down by people, they can't seem to understand that I don't just find women a bit attractive, and I don't just like kissing them if I'm drunk, but that I'm properly sexually attracted to them. It's so frustrating to feel like people can't or don't want to understand bisexuality, and I often find myself dropping in jokes about things I've done with women, or going on about crushes I've had, or girlfriends, like I have something to prove to them, or like I need to reveal really personal details just to get them to understand that I'm not just a "bit bi-curious".

Do you think the gender of your romantic or sexual partner has affected people's perceptions of your sexuality?

Yes definitely. When I was with women, people assumed I was a lesbian. Now that I've married a man, everyone assumes that I'm straight. For some reason the straight label annoys me so much more than being labelled a lesbian! I don't identify as being straight or hetero in any way. I know that my straight facing relationship gives me a "straight passing privilege". I can walk down the street with my husband holding hands, never worrying what will happen. We can visit any country and not be afraid of what people might say or do. But also this feels like bi erasure. It feels unfair that in order to be visible I have to actually out myself, which is basically like divulging personal information, like saying, "yes I like sleeping with men and women", which is such a deeply, personal thing to feel like you have to share just to get people to understand you or truly know you.

It's always felt a bit weird explaining that I actually like women too now that people assume I'm straight. Some people don't seem to understand what the big deal is, like, "you're married now so what difference does it make?" But being bi is a huge part of me. My experiences growing up have shaped me. I feel connected to LGBTQ+ issues and people, I've experienced questioning and coming to understand my identity, coming out, being rejected by people simply because of my sexuality. If I want to talk about school or university I can't do that openly and honestly without mentioning girlfriends as well as boyfriends. I can't talk about pop culture growing up without mentioning that the reason I liked lots of female singers was not actually because of the music! I can't talk about my first experiences without also saying that, actually, these were with girls. Being perceived as straight feels like I'm hiding a huge part of myself.

Are there any words / phrases that you've encountered as being associated with your sexuality?

Cheating. Lots of people have assumed that I will cheat on them / cheat on my partner with another gender.

Lesbian / straight, depending on who I'm in a relationship with.

Alternative. This is a funny one! My mum calls me "alternative" She's never referred to me as bisexual or anything else. It makes me laugh, as though I'm just a little bit different, like it's a lifestyle choice. It doesn't offend me at all and in some ways I can see what she means, in that I do see being bisexual as just being me. It's like her way of acknowledging that I'm not straight / heteronormative.

Cool. One of my best friends maintains that I'm the coolest person she knows, and I'm sure it's just because I'm bisexual! As I'm not really a cool person at all!

Do you feel that you see enough representation of your sexuality in culture / media / beyond?

Not at all, I've very rarely seen bisexuals on TV. Sometimes LGBTQ+ specific shows / podcasts / social media will mention the bi+ community, but some are better than others. I find it fascinating how bisexuality is rarely mentioned in gay/lesbian media, as bi women like women too! And bi men like men too! But it just seems like they aren't mentioned very often, which is so frustrating as they are big communities and I would personally have loved to have felt more welcome in the lesbian community. Generally, I don't feel represented at all, especially not in mainstream culture. I have friends, gay and straight, who aren't even sure what bisexuality is! So we definitely need more representation. I'd love to see some more characters in shows who just happen to be bi+, who will talk about it now and again, like casually dropping into conversations about ex boyfriends/girlfriends, or dating someone non-binary, or even just talking about how they feel about different genders, just to remind the audience of who they are.

I feel like it's so important to be represented, and it's so frustrating that, when I was growing up 20 years ago, I didn't know much about bisexuality, I definitely thought that it was something that was just supposed to be a phase, even though deep down I knew that my feelings were real. And I don't think things have changed much which makes me so sad. I'd also love to feel like there was more of a bi+ community, like there are with gay and lesbian communities. But I'm not so sure how this can happen. That's why I was happy to share my story here, as personally I find it so helpful and validating and reassuring to read about people who are similar to me.

What challenges do you face as a person who is attracted to more than one gender?

I think visibility is a huge challenge, as it feels almost impossible to be visibly bisexual. You either appear to be gay or straight depending on your latest relationship. I feel like representation is so important here. The statistics on the mental health of bi+ people are appalling, and lack of representation and understanding must be a huge part of this. And how are you supposed to identify as bi+ if there are no visible people out there who are like you? So that's the biggest challenge in my opinion. There needs to be much better bi+ representation, and resources looking at the mental health of bi+ people specifically.

Where do you feel most confident expressing your sexuality? Are there and spaces or communities that make you feel especially welcome?

With good friends and family I feel like I can be totally myself. I don't have loads of experience in queer spaces as I didn't feel like I belonged. But with people who know me well I'm happy to be open and honest and totally queer if I feel like it.

[valleydean]

Hi there, so I am not from the US, when people say that Misha is a liberal, does that mean he's sort of like Joe Biden in the sense he's more centre rather than left like maybe the Clintons or Obama? (Where I am from our liberals are on the right, and left are known as labor).

no, so liberal has.... i was gonna use the word "historically" but that's not true because a little over a century ago the republicans used to be the liberals. but in this day and age, or up until very recently, "liberal" has been synonymous with the democratic party. it's more of the left leaning ideologies of civil liberties and a more mixed economy (technically), so stuff like government sponsored social programs, equal rights, health care, a mix of socialism and capitalism (technically). but in recent years, "liberal" has become more synonymous with an even more leftist agenda that still has the same base values but aligns more with socialism instead of capitalism. which is why you see people, myself included, say they're not a democrat, they're a leftist.

(the republican party is going through a similar change too, actually, with them adopting even more conservative and far-right beliefs. whereas like.... people who still hold true to the pre-trump era republican party kinda don't really know what to call themselves anymore because they're not................... nazis. they're just conservative, but they're normal. anyway, i'm just saying this to highlight the shift that is once again happening to these political parties.)

as for misha! ya know, it's funny, when the election was happening, he was obviously vocal about supporting biden and worked with his campaign admin. which i agreed with to an extent. and i don't remember where he said this, but i remember misha specifically saying that he went so amped for biden because he had the best chance of winning. (the best chance of defeating trump.) but misha went on to specifically say that his actual views aligned more with elizabeth warren, who, like bernie sanders, is much much more leftist than democrat - even though they ran as democrat because there are no official disparities between the two ideologies (yet).

now, i am old and i've been in the fandom for a stupid long time. i remember years ago when misha like........... was SUPER vocal about a very leftist agenda. i feel like, in recent years, his public opinions skew more toward the left-center, like biden. because idk maybe he thinks it's the best way to get stuff done within our two party system?? but i feel like, privately, his views are still very to the left.

i've never had an in-depth political conversation with him. everything he and i, or he and the group i was in, have ever broached were kinda like.... surface-level political conversations. but from what he's said in those conversations, i still do feel like he isn't as center as people would believe him to be because of his social media posts. but yeah. i'd love to have a more detailed conversation with him about it. i could be wrong! i don't think he'll ever be center! i think he'll always be pretty firmly left, but i could be wrong in thinking his views are as left as they once were years ago. but yeah. there's my answer.

[valkblue]

Fic Writer’s Tag Game

Thank you @the-blind-assassin-12 for the tag!! 💖

Please state and link/explain the following fics:

What you’d consider your first fic: Well, it would be something that isn't on the Internet, so I can't provide a link, but even if it wouldn't be the first fic I ever wrote, it would be the biggest, and it was an Harry Potter-Marauders Era fanfic. It was unoriginally a story about new students, and following them throughout their seven (and a little more) years at Hogwarts.

Your softest fic: I'm not sure I write soft fics fitting the definition here, but I think it would be my first Westworld fic, Improvisation Only. It's a story I wrote as a birthday gift for @hathorik , in which the park is in perfect working order, all the hosts are just playing their role (more or less), and everyone is just doing their job… save for my OC Vivian who fiddled with Lawrence's code a little, believing nobody was watching. But it's a story in which nobody dies for real, and even the wounds aren't that serious, even if Vivian takes everything very seriously. But she has her reasons… You can discover them here: Improvisation Only, part 1 of Full Diagnostic series (masterlist)

Fic you’re most proud of: I would love to say the entire Full Diagnostic series but, I'll play the game by the rules this time and choose just one story… Then, it would be Journey into Night, the second part of Improvisation Only. It's a 300k long, season 2 divergent story packed with canon and original characters, action, mysteries, horror, investigation, a fuckton of angst, quite a bit of humor and a faint whiff of romance. It took me almost two years to write it all (2 years+ with Impro) but it was also thrilling to write! Painfully hard, but still, I loved each and every words I wrote in it, and loved to write all these characters (canons or not)… and I made myself very sad in the process of writing it. But also cry with joy. The story starts (post prologue) right at the end of season 1, during Ford's Gala, after Dolores killed him on stage. Vivian is hidding from the hosts but one of them finds her anyway… and from then, she's trying to stay alive. If you want to know how and want to cry too, it's here: Journey into Night, part 2 of Full Diagnostic series (masterlist)

Fic which shows your progress: I don't write a lot of fic? And all my other stories are original ones, and obviously not on tumblr or AO3, so... I'm tempted to say Journey into Night here, too. In this story, I used all that I learned since I started writing my first big novel, and following so carefully an established lore was another kind of challenge while usually, my friends and I are creating said lore. But it also liberated some space in my mind to focus on the characters and the plot, plain and simple, and not having to take millenias of History and political and technical progresses into account... Writing a fic is so different from writing an original story sometimes but yeah, it made me focus on how to write the story I had in mind without trying to 'teach' a new lore to the reader while they couldn't just google it or watch/read/play the original media, focusing on characters and their immediate goal, regardless of the grand scheme of things!

Your favorite WIP: My three current WIPs are all from Tales of Clan Mudhorn, but my favourite one would be Lost and Found (WIP #3) which is currently taking all my brainpower. I recently —finally!— finished to write episode 7 and I'm translating it with my betareader. The whole story of Lost and Found is about Din trying to find a Jedi to take care of the Child and train him… but it's as impossibly hard as he thought it would be upon leaving Nevarro. I love writing Din and how driven he is, exploring his relationship to his Creed, to the people around him, to the Child and his regret over leaving his original Covert and all the people in it. It's a story tied to my Foundlings one-shot (which would stand as the first part/Prologue of the whole series really), written in 'episodes' format like the show, which sometimes makes big 'chapters' but one chapter is one full story you can enjoy in almost one sitting, leading to the next like you wait for the next episode the following week. Well, except that it takes me longer than a week to write, translate and illustrate one chapter-episode, obviously... But you can read the six first I already posted here while I'm working on 7 and 8: Lost and Found, Tales of Clan Mudhorn (masterlist)... and also, The Foundlings if you're curious.

Tagging: @pheedraws , @amistrio , @queen-scribbles , @nostrategy-justdo , @hathorik , @fatesrpg , @something-tofightfor

[seewetter]

"In this community, the common viewpoints are as follows:

- Transmisogyny is the penultimate form of oppression, all other oppression either stems from or pales in comparison to it"

Yeah that's not a point of view I've ever encountered. I doubt it will catch on. Perhaps grass touching may help?

"- Transandrophobia is a word that is inherently transmisogynistic"

That gets dragged out of the woodwork every time transmasc people try to describe their own life struggles. I've been on Tumblr since 2011. I've seen them do this when transmascs called their own marginalization "isomisogyny". If people can't ever accept the idea that trans guys have unique negative trans guy experiences when they call it isomisogyny, it's time to give up listening to those people and just do your own thing. Perhaps mock them a little bit for policing your necessary language.

"- Transmascs only face garden-variety transphobia and are privileged by identifying into masculinity"

Yeah, I see that opinion on my dashboard too.

I mean technically, a lot of transmascs do report that people at the workplace treated them better once they presented more male. One trans guy even told a story that Republicans commended him for adopting "the better sex" after telling him they didn't fully approve of his decision to transition.

But obviously transfem-only discourse allows for no sincere engagement with what transmasc people face or what their lives are like. Transfem-only discourse makes it impossible for people to get any idea about how to help transmasc people and presents the liberation of transfems (who have pretty unique problems) as the liberation of all trans people (even though the other part of the community has a in many ways very separate set of problems, not that there isn't common ground).

"- TMA/TME in theory describe who is and is not systemically targeted by transmisogyny, but in practice TMA is used as a synonym for transfems and TME is used to mean transgender individuals who are considered "AFAB". Rarely, TME includes cis women. Very rarely, TME includes cis men. A number of people argue that cis men are in fact TMA because they Could Become Trans Women." Yeah, that last sentence sounds like a TERF psyop. (Wow we use a lot of all caps here, lol.)

Anyway, all the other things you mention in the above excerpt are opinions I've encountered in the wild.

Although I also encounter transmascs who make generalizations about transfems based on a single Twitter user who said a thing that they don't like. Like one transfem went to the supermarket, overheard a conversation between two people and pictured them as transfem people in the making (probably out of loneliness) and shared this fantasy (without identifying the people) online. And then you get a thread with a hundred transmasc people drawing all kinds of wild conclusions about all transfems because they felt she crossed a line. And all of them had zero self-awareness that transmascs also say stuff like that.

What I'm saying is: I agree that tme and tma can be abused. I don't really think this means those terms should get ditched, just expanded.

"Aside from the viewpoints in this community, however, behavior is also important to note. So some notes on behavior common in this community:

- Trans men, transmascs, and anyone who speaks up in defense of them are told, both by people who identify as TMA and people who identify as TME, that wanting a specific word to talk about their issues is transmisogynistic and a show of male privilege (and in the case of transfems, that they are not real transfems)."

Yeah, it's transfem-only discourse all the way babeeeey.

"- Any attempts at discussion in good faith are shut down immediately. People attempting to truly discuss in good faith are met with hostility, mocking, and often hate-filled harassment, moreso the less obsequious they are with their disagreements."

Sure, but keep in mind that the person I'm responding to casually said that "No one is TME". That's not the path toward good faith discussion, because that gives off "I am only here to dismiss YOUR life experiences" vibes.

"- We can understand this as more a semantics argument than a literal one. In this community, 'Man' and 'Woman' are seen as direct opposites. 'Trans Man' and 'Trans Woman' are also seen as direct opposites, rather than as two sides of the same binary coin. If Trans Women have one experience, then Trans Men must either have the same experience (due to being Trans) or one directly opposite (due to being Man), depending on what the argument is. This extends out to transfems and transmascs. "Transandrophobia" as a word is "implying that misandry is real, because it uses the same formula as Transmisogyny, which is Trans(phobia) + Misogyny"."

I don't know how we would explain the existence of entire hate forums like "r/femaledatingstrategies" if misandry wasn't real. That forum is right-wing funded, but it still attracts real people who on the daily say dehumanizing crap about men.

Just because women structurally have less power in society, doesn't mean that men can't be targets of hateful ideologies aimed at men or victims of organized anti-male harassment campaigns.

I personally don't believe that right-wingers are good human rights advocates towards anybody. So having the language to describe what happens when people have their lives ruined for who they are matters.

"- We can divorce Velvet's paragraph about TAA/TAE being unusable because no one will read it in good faith from the statement "No one is TME". These are not a direct comparison. TAA/TAE is unusable because it will not be read in good faith, much as TMA/TME can only be used because it so often is read in good faith (in this community). No one is TME because no one is exempt from any sort of oppression- this doesn't mean people can't face challenges unique to their demographic, but any systemic oppression will dig its roots into everyone alive within that system, and it affects everyone and everything within that system. Similarly, no one is transandrophobia-exempt."

But that's not what Velvet communicated. What you are describing is what the anon ask communicated "no one is 100%" exempt from transmisogyny. But Velvet responded with the one-liner "No one is TME". Yeah, no one is TME just like no one is immune from being misgendered. But the word "transmisogyny-exempt", in normal conversation, refers to people who aren't the intended targets of transmisogyny. Just as misgendering isn't "cisgender people's discourse" because cis people experience it, but not to a relevant extent.

"So when facing a community of people who wholeheartedly believe"

My point is that "facing" that community is pointless. The community you are talking about is simply throwing transmascs under the bus to have some kind of, any kind of trans rights discourse at all that is sensitive to the validity of trans gender identities (usually don't use that term "gender identity" because gender modality is more useful, but I'm trying to explain this in a general sense).

Transfem-only discourse exists to avoid outcomes like: transmasc-only discourse, where the true intersection of misogyny and transphobia is assumed to be transandrophobia and TERFs have easy pickings convincing everyone that trans women are *not really* women and *don't really* experience misogyny, but merely homophobia. And the outcome that both transmascs and transfems are served at the same time-- would be really nice, but obviously then right-wing groups have easy pickings because the idea that transmascs and transfems have problems of equal value implies that something is fundamentally wrong with how people conceive of the kyriarchy (or whatever the kids call it, the oppressive stack or whatever).

"Velvet chooses to use her words to make a point, so that people on the fringes of this community can see how circular their logic is, how their arguments don't make sense or hold up."

This isn't really a political battle that can be won by having good arguments.

I have excellent arguments that disprove the existence of god -- doesn't really work on people who want to believe. I can prove that human-made climate change exists without using inaccessible science! It does me no good.

The political field changes when people create a new reality, a new set of circumstances. They simply assert what they believe, act friendly toward others, organize and make sure they can robustly explain their points. Outsiders see that and simply jump on for the ride.

One-liners like "No one is TME" don't prove circular logic, they're one-liners. Maybe Velvet is reaching out to a demographic that knows what TME means but has their minds blown by "No one is TME". I don't know. But to me, as an outsider, it just felt like a troll's attempt at replacing one set of concerns with another.

"This can help some who are not totally taken in by the community to question some of their own burgeoning beliefs, and it provides a show of allyship to trans men and transmascs currently struggling in the thick of having their experiences and realities mocked and belittled."

I don't know enough & will take your word for it.

To me it seemed like it cultivates transmascs that think their cause is more real, more superior and who disregard conversations about transmisogyny entirely. It actually reminded me of how feminism became a dirty word in MRA circles. That's not me calling anyone here an MRA, just noting a similar rhetoric. Don't see why that similar rhetoric wouldn't have similar outcomes.

"Sometimes that takes the form of 'poking the bear'. I don't think that's what this answer in particular was- again, it was an argument of semantics,"

A one-liner is not an argument of semantics.

"addressing a community that often relies on semantics to tell other trans people that they aren't allowed their own language, or that their language isn't good enough. But sometimes, yes, poking the bear happens."

Velvet literally described the urge to "piss people off" on purpose. That's taking joy in poking the bear.

"No, it's probably not going to accomplish much other than providing cathartic relief for the one doing the poking."

No, it was a semantic argument to win over outsiders in the community *playful snort*.

"Given that 'the bear' is already awake and doing active damage, though, I don't think the poking is the thing to focus on here."

Two things:

Poking does become relevant when it makes you seem like the aggressor to outsiders that are new to the conversation

The bear isn't your main problem. It got chased into the forest by TERFs and by an unholy alliance between progressives and politicians not willing to fund societal improvement, just "minority issues". The bear is forced to choose between (1) the torches of TERFs that will burn you and the bear down (2) the torches of politicians that will burn the forest the moment it becomes inconvenient and (3) you, who are holding a torch not because you're burning the forest, but because the panicked bear mauled your friends and you feel it has become your enemy.

A simple kyriarchic narrative allows politicians to only spend money on the "intersections" of marginalizations. Provide free language learning to immigrants to Sweden? Sure, but only if they have ADHD. Provide social security in South Africa? Sure, but only if they have AIDS.

This results in South Africans injecting infected needles to give themselves AIDS to receive government support.

In the trans community, it leads to people reinforcing that transmisogyny is far more relevant that transandrophobia. Because the alternative is (1) that tme / transmisogyny is not a uniquely transfem problem, that there are no uniquely transfem problems so funding should go to transmascs (2) once funding goes to transmascs, transandrophobia becomes theoretically conceptualized as the intersection of misogyny and transphobia, which then implies that gender identity (gender modality) is not a relevant struggle (3) once that happens, transphobia itself becomes de-emphasized, getting rolled into homophobia or whatever (4) community resources for trans people disappear, as if by magic, because we now have to reinvent a rhetoric that highlights our higher rates of vulnerability.

And as mentioned before, if we try to argue that both issues (transandrophobia & transmisogyny) matter equally, we reinforce the idea that the victims of the kyriarchy aren't easily determinable. Which means that targets for funding aren't easily determinable.

So fighting the bear makes no sense, unless currently being directly attacked by it. Keep your distance and focus on the fire.

Maybe we can't directly turn off the flames right now, but it matters more to transmasc people to connect with them over their problems, than to "heroically" fight a community that brushes those problems under the rug. And if you can address transmisogyny at the same time? People will eventually catch on that you are the most reasonable person in the room and we can all figure out what to do about the flames together.

"Finally, we are building a strong case for transandrophobia. And Velvet isn't saying that transmisogyny doesn't exist, much less building a case against it."

Great. "No one is TME" sounds like casting aspersions on transmisogyny though and that is all I'm pointing out.

"I hope this was able to do that and provide some context, and if not, I hope I at least approached it in a way to make it sufficiently clear that I'm in no way trying to be rude or aggressive or to discount your perception of the conversation as someone who it seems isn't in these particular trenches (which is a good thing, mind you, and doesn't mean you aren't in more reasonable trenches just down the road)."

Thanks for taking care in the conversation. I appreciate it. :)

"cis men are tme" - I think I have some problems with this idea but I'm not sure they make sense. I don't think cis men as a whole are 100% tme bc. I went to an extremely conservative religious high school. In places like that, being anything close to feminine as a man, even if you were 100% cishet, was absolutely unacceptable. Like you would be bullied by your peers and staff for just. DARING to use a pink pen in class. If that isn't a form of transmisogyny that affects cis men, idk what is.

No one is TME.