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farfromstrange · 2 years ago

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Foreigner's God | m.m

Matt Murdock x avenger!OFC

Chapter twenty-five: For Real This Time

Read part XXIV here ° masterlist

Summary: The Avengers head back to Matt’s apartment to get some much needed rest before continuing with their plan to stop Hydra. Even though Eliza decided not to hold grudges, the familiar environment mixed with her old friends brings her to her breaking point and she lets go of all her pent-up anger and disappointment, causing a series of revelations that no one was quite prepared for. Her and Matt’s relationship also reaches a heated breaking point and that might just be the last time.

Warnings: SMUT, unprotected sex, fingering, sad sex (yes that’s a warning), ANGST, so much angst, mentions of drug use and suicide attempt, language, hurt/comfort, brief panic attack, Matt Murdock (yes that’s a warning), also Eliza comes as her own warning too

Other characters: Team Cap, Foggy

a/n: Does it help when I said I cried too? No? Okay.

The unexpected team headed to Matt’s apartment in the heart of Hell’s Kitchen. He made sure no one was following them on the road to their newest safe house. To Eliza, it was an old one. A place she had grown to love over the past couple of days. She lived with Matt and somehow got used to the domesticity of it all. She wanted it back, the carefree comfort, the emotional conversations in the middle of the night, and the sex. The mind-blowing, intimate sex they shared. She wanted to go back to two hours ago when everything was less terrible, Matt was still by her side and she could bask in the comfort of his presence without having to worry about a thing.

That was over though, thanks to her inability to love someone the way they deserved to be loved.

To appear less suspicious, they all entered through the rooftop access door. A whole bunk of people appeared as if they had no business even being there. And the truth was, they didn’t. They weren’t supposed to be there, but they were, despite everything, and they would stay that way for as long as they deemed necessary.

Sam was the first one to bluntly state the obvious. “Well, damn,” he said, “This place is a shithole.”

“For the first time, I agree with you, Wilson,” said Natasha. “You live here?”

Matt scoffed. “Why does everyone keep saying that?” he grumbled.

“Because it’s true. This place sucks.”

“Why don’t we have a tour of your apartment next, Natasha? If you keep criticizing mine, yours probably looks much better, right?”

He opened the fridge, retrieving a bottle of wine, and he didn’t waste a second breaking the cap off with his bare hands.

Natasha circled back in surprise at his bold sarcasm. For someone who knew she didn’t like him very much, he certainly had the balls to push her further. She was almost impressed.

“I don’t have an apartment,” she said. “I’m a fugitive. I stay where I need to stay, and my place in Budapest kind of blew up thanks to Black Widow assassins suffering from chemical subjugation ‘cause my sister brought the antidote right to my doorstep in Norway and they wanted it back to prevent more Widows to escape the dirty hands of their keeper, Dreykov, a man who is known for kidnapping little girls to turn them into world-class assassins doing all the dirty work for him.”

Matt stopped sipping his beer. His sightless eyes focused on somewhere beside her, his head slightly tilted to the side so he could listen closely to the sound of her voice.

He regained composure. “Forget I asked,” he said.

“Wait,” Natasha’s answer caught Eliza’s attention, “What exactly happened the past few months?” she asked.

The Black Widow shrugged. She pushed past Matt who scowled at her rough handling, opening the fridge and grabbing a beer for herself. “German piss,” she commented. “That’s disgusting.”

“You sound like this guy I know.”

“Do I? What’s he like? Drop-dead gorgeous? Badass? Superhero?”

“No, he’s just a dick.”

“Takes one to know one.”

“Okay, what the hell is your problem with me?”

“I don’t have a problem. Do you have a problem?”

“I’m gonna have a problem if you keep talking to me like that.”

“What, can’t take a little fire?”

“That’s not fire, that’s pettiness.”

“And you guys have both,” Eliza cut in. She sounded exhausted, not just physically but mentally. “Though the latter seems to be a lot stronger. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re having a cock fight.”

“Well, I do think mine’s bigger than his,” Natasha said, sipping her beer casually.

Eliza rolled her eyes. “I doubt that,” she said.

Matt chuckled. Natasha shot him a glare.

“Don’t let it go to your head, Matthew. What you’re doing right now takes away about nine inches.”

“What?” he pouted.

That was about all of it and a little more.

“This isn’t about honor, this is about your ego. You, Nat, can’t stand the thought of someone like Daredevil caring for me ‘cause you think he spells trouble. And Matt, you’re being petty because you don’t like it that she’s stronger or smarter than you’ll ever be,” she said. “That makes you two very annoying people who should never have met. Now put your dicks away and act like normal fucking people.”

Natasha stayed quiet this time, staring guiltily down the throat of the bottle. “This beer still tastes disgusting,” she muttered.

Matt sighed, “Yeah, I know.”

“If I liked you, I’d buy you better beer.”

“If you liked me, I’d be flattered.”

“But I don’t.”

“But you don’t.”

Eliza propped her hands on her hips. Foggy noted that she looked almost like Matt when she did that, copying his stance down to even the slightest detail.

“You done?” she asked.

She handed her beer to Matt. “Now I’m done.”

He slapped the glass down on the counter, his smirk sour as he listened to her step out of the kitchen and into the living room, throwing herself down on the leather sofa.

Eliza followed her. “Can you answer my question now? About what happened the last couple of weeks?”

Natasha sighed. She propped her arm up on one of the cushions, playing with the threads that stood from the fabric. “I didn’t kill Dreykov or his daughter back then in Budapest,” she told her. “A couple of weeks ago, my sister Yelena dropped the solution to chemical subjugation in Black Widows on the doorstep of my safe house in Norway…”

“Wait, you have a sister? Why didn’t I know about that?”

“‘Cause she’s not my biological sister and more of a we were in a spy family together for three years sister.”

“Still, that is a huge deal!” she claimed.

“Yeah, not so much when you find out that I just left her behind and never checked back in with her,” Natasha said.

Eliza’s eyes widened. She had never taken her to do something like this, not when both of them knew what it was like to be abandoned.

“You had your reasons, right?”

The redhead-turned-blonde chuckled. “I find it nice you think that, but I don’t think I had. I guess I was just scared.”

“That’s a reason,” Eliza tried to tell herself. “I do shit out of fear all the time.”

“If you say so. Anyway, I returned to Budapest to find out the Red Room was still pretty much existent,” she continued the retelling. “We spent days trying to stop Dreykov and we almost died doing it, but we managed. All of the girls are safe now and no more Dreykov. No more him and no more Black Widows. They can make their own decisions now, like us.”

She nodded. “That’s nice to hear. At least something that went right.”

“Yeah… What happened to you?”

Eliza knew they would circle back to that. “Other than finding out that my whole life has been a lie concocted by the people I thought I could trust, nothing much,” she answered.

“Eliza, we told you, we were just trying to keep you safe,” said Natasha.

Their sense of a normal family reunion went straight out of the window. The hostility kicked back in.

“How can hurting me possibly keep me safe?”

Steve entered the conversation in all of his defensive nature. “If you had known about your identity earlier, Hydra might have been able to find you before we even got the chance to get ahead of them,” he said. “You remember what they did to Bucky, how they searched for him after he ran away. You remember what he told us.”

“Don’t drag Bucky in this,” she said.

“Why not? If he were here, he would tell you the exact same thing.”

“I don’t think so. Barnes the only one who truly understands what Hydra does to people like us, those they experimented on.“

“You can’t know that.”

“I do because we’re both the same person!” Eliza snapped. Her voice jumped an octave, raising the audacity. “We both went through the same hell. He’d be much better at this than you.“

“Bucky is just a super soldier with a metal arm, your powers are stronger and more unique,” Natasha shot back. “You’re extremely powerful and they could end worlds if you learned how to control them. Hydra wants your blood to recreate the powers of the Reality Stone and teach their test subjects to actually end the world. They want to make more of you and once they manage that, they will kill you.”

“You could have at least told me my father was alive and that I’m not an orphan,” she argued. “You made me believe I was alone. You made me drown in that feeling with no one there to catch me. I was so alone. You knew the one thing that could have given me at least a little bit of closure and you didn’t even consider telling me.”

“I did!” Natasha didn’t raise her voice often. She only did it when she was upset. “I considered, but Tony told me not to.”

“Since when do you listen to Tony?”

“Since the truth could have killed you! It almost did several times in the past few days. The only reason you’re still alive is that you have someone who constantly jumps in the line of fire for you.” She pointed at Matt. “He’s the only reason you’re still alive.”

Eliza shook her head. “No, we could have solved this the second you got that file. Nick surely wouldn’t have kept this from me.”

“Nick would have destroyed your file the second he got his hands on it.”

“Maybe that would have been better. Maybe you should have just erased the truth of my existence altogether because knowing I killed my mother doesn’t sit right with me.”

“Eliza, you didn’t kill your mother,” Clint said. He stepped forward carefully. “She died because the stone was slowly poisoning her. If anything, you kept her alive. She felt good up until the point she gave birth to you. You blocked the poison of the stone with your DNA because the stone is protecting you.”

“Yeah, well, maybe it should have killed me along with her.”

“Eliza, stop it!” Matt roared from the kitchen. “Stop talking as if your death would be convenient to everyone else.”

She sneered. “You don’t get a say in this!”

“Why? Because I told you I loved you? Because I was willing to sacrifice my life for you over and over and over again? Because I don’t care who you were, I just care about you?”

“Oh, my God.” Eliza shook her head. “You still don’t get it, do you?”

“No, I don’t.”

“None of you do. No one ever understands.”

“Enlighten me then!”

“I’m not human, Matt! And because I’m not human, I am not the person you met on that godforsaken rooftop. I am not the SHIELD Agent that took down an army of soldiers before Natasha saved me,” she said, diverting her attention to the four Avengers occupying the living room. “I am not the Avenger Tony recruited after he saw my potential during the battle of New York. And I am not the kid you wanted me to be. I’m none of those things. You wanna know what I think? I think part of you didn’t want me to find out because then you would’ve had to erase whatever perfect, golden picture you had of me and replace it with whatever this is.”

Her eyes glowed bright red. Her fingers tingled. The veins traveling up to her eyes erupted in a terrifying glow, so red it slowly faded into shades of maroon. It was the this that had been unspoken for so long, she never recognized that part of her. That was her self-control, she realized. The not-knowing, the inability to use all of her powers, and feeling like a stranger in her own body. The process of learning who she was had been disrupted and only as an adult picked up again. It wasn’t fair.

“I have one of the most powerful elemental crystals running through my blood and no one knew until a few years ago when my father snitched up on me,” she continued.

The salt on her tongue reminded her of the almost human vulnerability she still carried inside of her, and how prone to tears she was whenever she got angry or upset. She had to hold onto the little things, as hard as it seemed.

“The powers I have are getting worse ever every day,” she said. “Ever since I first got a taste of what they can do; if I had known before, I could have learned how to control them, but I don’t. I don’t know how. I almost killed someone with my bare hands, without having to touch them, and it’s all your fault! Not mine, not my mother’s, not my father’s, yours! You could have told me but you didn’t and the way I am right now is on you. I’m broken because of you. I took drugs to stop this indescribable ache in my chest, and then I had sex with men who only saw me as a fucktoy, and I let it happen because I wanted to feel something, anything, that didn’t remind me of this pain in my chest. The unknown possessed me, so I kept taking those pills until I was too numb to care, and when that wasn’t enough, I willingly pushed myself over the edge. The overdose was never just an accident,” she turned to Natasha, her friend’s eyes bloodshot and fighting back tears as she slapped a hand in front of her mouth, “I did it on purpose. I took the drugs, hoping I would drown in the bathtub or choke on my own vomit. I wanted my heart to stop. I wanted to die.”

She let out a strangled sob. “Eliza,” she cried quietly. “Why would you do that?”

“Because I felt lonely and useless and a stranger in my own body,” she replied with a distant shrug.

“You could have just told me…”

She groaned. “I did! I tried to tell you, but you were all so caught up in the person you wanted me to be, you didn’t want to listen. You didn’t want to lose me, so you pretended that nothing was wrong with me until there was, and then you acted like I was this- this fragile little thing that couldn’t take care of herself. Sure, it got me the attention I wanted, but I thought it’d help me find myself and not make everything so much worse.”

“Okay, maybe we should just-” Steve prompted.

Eliza slammed her hand down on the dining table. “No! We shouldn’t just stop. That’s what you wanted to say, right? Stop and calm down, talk about this like civilized people. Well, guess what,” she said, “I’m done talking. I’m done being your therapist, I’m done trying to fit in and I’m done being seen as the villain whenever I can’t reciprocate feelings that were sprung on me! I’m done being the golden child, the one who has to fix everything, and I’m done living for everyone but myself because I’m fucking tired of it. I’m tired and it’s all your fault. You each dug your own grave and now it’s time to lie in it.”

The milky glass of the sliding door almost broke at how hard she pulled at the handle to close it. Matt flinched at the harsh sound and even the others had a hard time keeping their composure.

He sighed, setting down his beer bottle, and out of instinct, took fast steps toward the bedroom. He could hear her elevated heartbeat, the struggle for breath - she was trapped in a full-on panic attack and he couldn’t help her.

“No,” Foggy said. He pressed a hand to his chest, stopping him. “If you go in there, you’re gonna make this so much worse. I’m sorry, but you’re the last person she needs right now.”

“Let me through,” he demanded.

He shook his head. “Absolutely not. Neither of you,” he took a look around, “Is going in there. She doesn’t need to be reminded of all this.”

“Her heart is beating out of her chest and she’s barely breathing. She needs someone to ground her. I know what to do, she trusts me-“

“Not right now, she doesn’t.”

“Christ, Foggy, just let me through.”

“No, take a step back, take a breather and let me be a friend to her. You guys seem to really suck at it.”

Matt lifted his arm in defense. Foggy took a step back, making sure he wasn’t following. It took every last ounce of self-control for him not to break the door down and take her into his arms. Instead, his friend entered the bedroom, closing the door behind him, and the second he was inside, he knew he was doing a much better job than he ever could.

“You told her you loved her and then stormed off?” Natasha piped up. He could smell the anger radiating off of her. “Are you serious right now?”

“You don’t get to judge,” Matt said.

“I do ‘cause she’s my friend!”

“Just shut up. I can’t do this right now.” He grabbed his mask and his gloves from the kitchen counter. “I’ll be outside when you need me.”

He disappeared through the rooftop access the same way he came in.

Foggy found Eliza on the floor, face pressed into the mattress of Matt’s bed, pathetically trying to muffle her gut-wrenching sobs. Her hands clawed at the comforter. It smelled like Matt and traces of her, and it made her cry even more. Everything was gone now. Her life lay in shambles.

She choked on her sobs, constricting her lungs from regaining full function. She hiccuped. Too much pain in her chest applied pressure to her heart. She felt like she was having a heart attack, but she knew better. Her mind sent warning signals, causing her whole body to lock up. Fight or flight, it was as easy as that.

Stroking her back gently, Foggy fell to his knees next to her. She flinched, her skin on fire from the lack of oxygen. “Liz, I know you’re not okay,” he said. “Can you try to breathe for me?”

She shook her head. He pulled her up by the shoulders, one of his arms wrapped tightly around her front while the other pressed down on her heart. He felt it thudding underneath his palm.

“Feel that? I’m here.”

She sobbed.

“I’m here. Focus on that.” Foggy tapped a steady rhythm against her skin. The other hand rubbed her shoulder, applying just a little more pressure to get her out of her head.

She sucked in a sharp breath, still crying violently, but breathing got a little easier with the cold palm of his hand pressing into her heated skin. The temperature change knocked her senses back into high gear, and she could feel reality seep back into her bones.

“You’re not alone,” he whispered into her ear. “Not anymore. You have friends, you have Matt, you have me. I know it might not seem like it, but they love you. I know it hurts, but you heard them. You know they had to make a choice. I think they regret not telling you, but as far as I’m concerned, there was no other way. They care about you. The things they did, they did it out of love for you. Deep down, I think you know they made the right call. That doesn’t mean it’s okay how they handled it.

“You have every right to feel all of your emotions right now, as long as you get back up again and go back to being your badass self. ‘Cause I know you can survive this. You’re one of the strongest people I know, Eliza,” he told her. “If anyone can survive this, it’s you.”

His gentle, yet truthful words slowly coaxed her back into reality. Her breathing calmed, and her cries died down. She slacked in his arms, enjoying the hug he gave her. He offered her a small bubble to escape into, and she took it gladly. His arms protected her from the harsh world, even if only for a little while.

Eliza exhaled. “Thank you,” she said.

“Of course. That’s what friends do for each other,” said Foggy.

“I’m not used to having normal friends.”

“Well, then it’s about damn time you learned.”

“Thank you,” she nodded. “I mean it.”

He rubbed her shoulder again before releasing her. She slumped against the bed. He sat down next to her. Eliza placed her head on his shoulder, too tired, and worked up to keep her neck straight. She felt like a newborn baby with absolutely no control over her body.

“I’m just so angry all the time,” she said quietly into the comfortable silence. “I don’t want to be mad at them, but it feels like my whole life was a lie. Eliza Bennett has always been just an alias, but knowing I could have learned about my real identity much sooner makes me feel like… like I’m a stranger? I don’t know, it doesn’t make sense. I’m angry, even when I don’t want to be, and that makes me sad. So sad, I only feel for myself, and since my emotions are something I cannot control, I have to suffer through it, even when the pain gets worse.”

“We all get angry. Life makes us angry. And someone with your level of trauma is granted that anger for as long as she wants to,” Foggy said. “Until you’re ready to work through it, which you should. You should work through it.”

“I know, I’m trying, but it’s just a lot right now.”

“You can start when this is over. Right now, be as angry as you want. We can handle it.”

“I don’t want to be angry. I want to forgive them. I want my life back.”

“You’re gonna get it back,” he reassured her. “Maybe not now or tomorrow, but soon.”

“Thank you.”

“Sure thing, Liz. Hey, have I ever told you about how my mom wanted me to become a butcher?”

She chuckled weakly. “You did mention it.”

“Yeah, but I never told you the whole story.”

“That you did not.”

“Well, I come from a family of butchers. My mom and dad own a shop here in Hell’s Kitchen, not the one you destroyed, of course. We have the freshest meat in the city. And my brother, he joined the business while I wanted to go to law school. My parents planned for me to take over the shop when they retire, but I had other plans. They pleaded for me to come back home, but I told them ��no, I want to help people. And I want to make a shit ton of money’. And I almost had it with the internship at Landman and Zack. Of course, Matt had to wreak havoc on my plans to become rich and famous. I love him, but he’s an idiot. Starting our practice was the best and stupidest idea he’s ever had. Or what do you think?”

She didn’t answer. He peeked down to find her eyes closed. She was dead asleep.

Foggy sighed. “Wow. Didn’t think the story would be this boring.”

He picked her up, lying her down on the bed. He shuffled the comforter aside and wrapped the blanket around her sleeping frame. She yawned, turned around, and hugged Matt’s pillow to her chest.

“Sweet dreams.” He turned the lights off, shutting the curtains, then exited the bedroom as stealthy as he could.

The Avengers all jumped from their seats.

“How is she?” Natasha asked first.

He placed a finger on his lips. “Shh. She’s finally down. If you wake her, I’m gonna kill you. I know I don’t look like I can, but I will.”

“Oh, thank God. I didn’t mean for this to escalate.”

“Yeah, well, it did. You have to deal with the consequences now.”

“Thank you,” Clint said. “We appreciate your help.”

“Since I’m the only one with common sense, I don’t have a choice.” Foggy took a look around. “Where’s Matt?”

“He said he’s outside if we need him,” Sam told him. “Grabbed his helmet and gloves, so maybe he’s out being Daredevil or whatever. Getting rid of his anger issues.”

“Yeah, he can’t get rid of that. Excuse me, I’m gonna check the roof. Feel free to eat or drink anything you need to, as long as you don’t wake the dragon.”

He jogged up the stairs, through the door. For a second, he considered staying to check on Eliza like a baby monitor, but he figured she would come if she needed him or anyone else. She was exhausted, she would certainly stay asleep for a couple of hours.

The night air slapped him across the face. Shuffling his sleeves back down over his arms, he crossed them. As expected, Matt stood on the ledge, still in his Daredevil suit minus the mask and the gloves, which lay beside him on the bricks. He turned his head slightly, recognizing his footsteps, heartbeat, and breathing.

“What do you want?” he asked.

Foggy scoffed, “You’re an idiot.”

“Beg your pardon?”

“Eliza. You’re an idiot.”

“How am I the idiot? She’s the one who pushed me away.”

“Yeah, because you sprung the truth on her like it meant absolutely nothing,” he said. “You don’t just randomly blurt out I love you and then hope the other person says it back.”

“How do you think I should have handled it, Foggy? If you’re so much smarter than me.”

“I would have waited until this whole shitshow was over. Eliza has other things to worry about than your feelings for her. If you had waited, maybe she would have said it back.”

“She told me she can’t. I don’t think if I had waited a couple more weeks her answer would have been different. At least I know now that she doesn’t feel that way,” he said.

“Oh, my God,” Foggy threw his hands up, “Of course she does! She loves you, she just can’t sort out the feeling. She struggles with emotions, which is ironic, really, but she does. She struggles because she’s never experienced this before. She’s never been so emotionally involved with a person as she is with you and that scares her. Just give her time, Matt. That’s all she needs.”

He scoffed, “When have you become the Eliza-whisperer?”

“Since I’m the only friend she can count on right now. I’m the only unbiased one and that’s what she needs. A shoulder to cry on. She feels betrayed and alone and while I know this isn’t your fault, you’re playing a huge part in the guilt she’s feeling, and that makes her angry, so she says things she doesn’t mean. Just try to see this from her perspective, please. Just once.”

“I can’t see shit,” he retorted.

“You know I meant that in a metaphorical sense.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Can you come back inside now or do you want to keep sulking on the roof?”

“I like sulking on the roof.”

“You just like sulking, period. It’s not a good look on you.”

Foggy turned on his heels, making his way back to the door.

“Foggy,” Matt called out, “Why do you always have to try and fix everything?”

He shrugged. “Because usually, I can.”

That made Matt chuckle, another small victory for him. He could be surrounded by a million soldiers - when it came to being a normal person who took care of his friends, he would always be better than them.

Matt returned to his apartment only a couple of minutes later. “You’re back,” Natasha stated.

“Congratulations,” he retorted, “You have functioning eyes.”

“That’s not something you can relate to, can you?”

“There’s something seriously wrong with you.”

Every time he opened his mouth, she liked him a little less.

Steve, the good soul he was, tried not to let the bad mood drag him down. “Hey man,” he walked up to matt as he spoke, “I just want to say I appreciate you doing this for us. Open your doors, let us stay here. It means a lot. And even though they can’t show it,” he said, motioning to the rest of his team, “They’re grateful too.”

Matt scoffed, which sounded more like a broken chuckle. “Natasha doesn’t seem to think that way,” he said.

“Natasha is a complicated character. She loves Eliza. She’s like a sister to her. When she cares so deeply for someone, she gets suspicious. And she’s been getting into a lot of trouble with you by her side. Natasha doesn’t see the difference between Eliza being Eliza and getting in trouble, and you fighting with Eliza while she’s getting in trouble. The past couple of weeks have been hard, so you gotta cut her some slack.”

“I’m not the one insulting her, Steve.”

“I know, just… give her some time.”

“They’re very much alike,” he realized. “Aren’t they?”

“More than you think,” Steve agreed.

“Alright, I guess I can stand down. You’re welcome, for letting you stay, by the way. And thank you for coming here and, you know, helping her. She needed some hope.”

He patted his shoulder. “Family doesn’t let each other down.”

“Yeah, I can tell.”

Clint rummaged through the fridge, ignoring all the deep talks and instead checking for sustenance in Matt’s kitchen. He was majorly disappointed. “Don’t you have anything to eat around here?” he asked. “I’m starving.”

Sam poked the Braille printer he had seated on his desk in the corner. His fingers brushed over the documents next to it, the legal files imprinted with the Braille that came out of the printer. “How does this work, exactly?” he questioned.

Matt wasn’t sure what question to answer first. The Avengers were the nosiest bunch of people he had ever met.

“Is this your bathroom?” Natasha toyed with the handle of what was, in fact, his bathroom. She opened it without waiting for his permission, taking in the small space, the shower, and the bathtub. “Hm, looks better than the outside.”

“Guys,” Steve warned.

“It’s okay,” Matt assured him. “They’re just curious.” He hated that they were infiltrating his personal space, but there wasn’t much he could do about it. Eliza trusted them, so he did too.

“I have a Braille typewriter, but I also have a program on my laptop that makes it possible for me to print all of my files,” he told Sam.

The Falcon nodded. “Cool. Can I print something?”

“Please don’t.”

“Okay.” He removed his finger. “How long did it take you to learn how to read?”

“I haven’t been blind since birth. I was nine when it happened,” he said. “I went to a school for blind people, took me a while but it’s not as hard as it seems. I read a lot as a kid, which helped improve my skills. There was not much more to do at the orphanage.”

“You’re a very interesting person. An interesting person with obvious trauma. I like you.”

“Thanks. About the food,” Matt continued and turned to Clint, “I don’t keep much around since I don’t spend much time at home, let alone cooking. There is a Thai place around the corner though, you can get takeout from there.”

“Or we could just order pizza,” he suggested.

“And call Hydra straight to our doorstep?” Captain America interjected.

“Yeah,” Clint decided, “That’s not gonna work.”

“If you’re starving, I’m sure Foggy can get us some food,” Matt said.

Foggy sighed, “I suppose I can.”

“Natasha,” Matt called out to her. “Yes, that is the bathroom. Yes, you can use it. And no, I do not know what it looks like.”

She raised her arms. “Alright, I was just checking.”

“Oh!” Clint’s happy cheer got him the attention he needed. “I found bread,” he smirked triumphantly.

“Yeah, that’s moldy.”

“How did you-”

Matt shrugged. “I can smell it.”

“Great, now we don’t even have bread. I think Matt’s right. The team needs fuel, Foggy can get it for us.”

“Why me?” Foggy asked.

“‘Cause you’re the only one of us Hydra or the law doesn’t want,” he said. “No offense.”

“None taken. Okay, make me a list, I’ll see what I can do.”

“Spring rolls and fried rice,” Natasha stated. “That’s what Eliza likes.”

Matt said it at the same time she did, “That’s what Eliza likes.”

They exchanged a look. The fire in her stomach burned even brighter. Perhaps it was stupid, thinking she had some territorial claim over her, but Eliza was like a sister to her and Matt was going to hurt her, she just knew it.

“Okay, wow,” Foggy sighed, exasperated.

Clint stood beside him, voicing what he thought. “They’re gonna kill each other before Hydra can,” he said.

“You said it, not me.”

“Oh, and for the food, I want whatever has the most spice.” He bumped his shoulder. “Thanks, bud.”

“Sure, unload everything on me. I’m your personal delivery guy. It’s not like I have a job or anything.”

“What’d you say?” Sam asked.

He waved him off. “Oh, nothing. I’d be glad to take your orders.”

“Great, so as a starter I want…”

This group of unlikely allies was going to be the death of him, literally.

She had blood on her hands.

Her ledger was dripping; wiping out this much red was a near impossibility. The nightmares were the worst part. Not her constant doubts, they didn’t matter. The person she saw in the mirror was nothing compared to what she saw when she closed her eyes.

Perhaps she’d had it coming. Blood was resistant. Even with bleach, she couldn’t clean it off her hands. She scrubbed them every night until her knuckles started bleeding. Her skin was dry, tearing apart. The blood was still there—the Devil in disguise.

Eliza stared at her bloody hands. The blood was dark red, fresh, dripping from her fingers. She found herself in a dark room with white tiles, the neon lights above her head merely flickering.

Blood painted the walls. She stood in it.

Her hands shook. She followed the trail, she had to. The lifeless frame of the body had its back turned to her. She could only make out the red suit, and a head full of brown hair. The blood didn’t stop. A whole river pooled at her feet.

“No,” she whispered.

She rolled the unconscious man over. His brown eyes were empty, glossy, and staring straight at her. Blood came out of his eyes and nose, his chest ripped apart and the dagger embedded deep in his chest.

She choked. “Oh, God!”

Matt lay there, eyes dead, body swimming in his blood. Her weapons littered his torso. Her hands were full of blood. Eliza didn’t have to be conscious to put one and two together.

“No, Matt,” she choked out. “Hey, wake up. You’re okay.” She shook him. He didn’t wake up. “Please, wake up!” She cradled his head in her lap. “I can’t do this without you.”

What exactly was it? Her bloodied hands grabbed at his torso desperately.

“I didn’t do this,” she denied, but she knew better. Her daggers, his body, the blood on her hands – she wasn’t a genius, but she didn’t have to be.

“I didn’t do this!” she said, loud and clear. Her voice jumped off the walls. “I would never hurt you. I couldn’t. You can’t be dead. You can’t, please. Don’t die, you hear me? Don’t!”

His already opened eyes shot wide awake. He grabbed her by the throat. It seemed like he could see her eyes. He stared at her, blankly ahead, and his white lips parted.

She couldn’t breathe.

“Why would you do this to me?” he asked. “Why would you kill me?”

“I didn’t,” she said. “You said you loved me, remember? You know I would never do something like this. I would never hurt you. Never.”

“I could never love a killer. You kill everything around you and refuse to take responsibility. It’s your hand on the knife, Eliza. I could never love a person like you. You deserve nothing. You don’t deserve to be loved, and you don’t deserve to live. I wish they finally killed you.”

His eyes fell shut.

“No!”

She shot up in bed. Sweat coated her forehead and every last inch of skin. The clothes she wore stuck clad to her body. The silk sheets were stained wet. She threw the blanket off her body, suddenly too hot to be wrapped up in it. Eliza hugged her knees to her chest, head hung between them, catching her breath. She swayed back and forth. It was just a dream, she kept telling herself. It wasn’t real.

“You okay?”

She gasped loudly, scooting back against the headboard. When she saw the familiar face staring back at her from the closet, she lowered her defensive arms. “Jesus!” she cursed. “You can’t just sneak up on me like that.”

“Okay one, I live here, and two, I was just getting dressed,” Matt said cooly, pointing at the clothes in his hand. “You said my name. What were you dreaming about?”

“Don’t act as if you care.”

“I do.” He sat down on the edge of the bed. “Nightmare again?”

She eyed him, trying to ignore the burning desire in her chest to check if he was alive, but the second his fingers brushed her bare thigh, she was done for.

Eliza grabbed his face forcefully, pressing her lips to his. He kissed her back almost instantly. She swung her leg over his lap and he pulled her closer with a bruising grip around her waist. They were both desperate. Their lips moved together in a fiery dance for dominance, sloppy in the way they moved against each other. Her hands tangled in his hair, pulling and tearing at the strands, not sure whether to pull him closer or push him away. He struggled with the same issue. He wanted to keep her like this, in his lap, but being close to her hurt. She turned the tables and now the connection was hurting him more than her. He hated that he felt that way, and how good that pain felt because he wanted to be angry at her, but he couldn’t. He wanted to stay away from her for his own sake, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t spend a second without her. It hurt even more than being close to her.

They forgot the world in each other’s arms. His hands slipped under her shirt, pulling it over her head. She sighed into his mouth. Her hips ground down on his, eliciting a delicious groan from him. He wasn’t wearing a shirt due to his plans to get dressed, but he had his pants still on. Pyjama pants. He must have slept on the couch. At least one promise he kept. The “We are done!” from before was completely forgotten the second she kissed him.

He opened the clasp of her bra with two skilled fingers. It fell to the floor. They didn’t share any words, only hot and heavy breaths and sounds that got swallowed by lips and skin. He tightened his hold on her, flipping them around so she was on her back and he could tower over her.

His hand landed over her mouth when a lewd moan built up in the back of her throat. He muffled the sound, though to his ears it was still incredibly loud, and the sound of her ruined voice shot straight to his groin.

He smashed his lips against hers again. He forced his tongue into her mouth, exploring the land as if he had never been there before. One hand slipped beyond the waistband of her pants, right into her panties. He cupped her desperate cunt, using two fingers to expertly part her folds. She threw her head back on the pillows, yet his lips didn’t stop assaulting hers. He kept them both quiet with the magic of his very skilled tongue.

“This doesn’t mean anything,” he panted.

She nodded feverishly. “Of course not.”

He dipped one finger in first, testing the waters. She was desperate and wet, just how he liked it. He didn’t waste any time sliding in another. The palm of his hand rubbed against her clit with every thrust of his digits, and her pussy squelched each time her walls clenched around him. She moaned into his mouth, hooking one arm around his neck as if that would get him any closer.

Just when her muscles started contracting harder around him, he pulled out. She didn’t have time to protest before he pulled down her pants completely, lowering his just enough to pull out his cock. He used her wetness on his hand to give himself a few good pumps, enough to get his cock completely hard.

“Don’t make a single fucking sound.” With that warning, he lined himself up with her entrance and buried his cock deep inside of her with a forceful thrust. He clammed his hand over her mouth to muffle the scream.

He wasn’t a complete heathen though. He gave her time to adjust to his size, which took only a few seconds this time before her nails dug into his back and he pulled out and bottomed out again only moments later. He continued with the same brutal pace that almost had the bed shaking. This wasn’t about her, she realized. He was desperately chasing his orgasm. He hooked one of her legs around his waist to get deeper.

Eliza pushed his hand away from her mouth, replacing it with his lips. “I dreamt you died,” she breathed into the kiss. “I dreamt you died and it was my fault.”

His cock hit her g-spot. “What?” he choked out. She was so tight, clenching around him like a vice.

“I couldn’t- fuck!” her teeth sunk into her bottom lip when he reached for her clit, rubbing it with the same intensity and speed as his cock kept penetrating her walls. “I couldn’t save you,” she cried out. “I couldn’t save you and it was my fault.”

Tears shot into his eyes. “Stop talking, please.”

“Please, Matty. Don’t leave me again.”

“I can’t do this,” he breathed back. “Not when you don’t feel the same way. It hurts. It hurts to love you.” He bit down on her shoulder to hide the guttural moan of pain and pleasure that spilled from his lips.

“I’m sorry,” she whimpered.

“I know, baby. I know.”

He grabbed onto the headboard, his thrusts faltering. She gasped quietly, his fingers rubbing harder, knowing she was close to coming undone around him. He wouldn’t be able to last much longer and he didn’t want to be the first. No matter how upset he was, he would never come first.

“I wish I could-”

He shushed her, kissing her lovingly. He lingered just a little bit longer, just a little bit more. “You don’t have to say anything,” he said. “All you need to do right now is cum so I can fill you up.”

“Oh, God!”

Her legs locked around his waist, walls clenching as she came all over his cock. He felt every last drop of her wetness coating him, her muscles contract, and her skin burn under his mere touch. He grunted into the crook of her neck, almost breaking the headboard with his grip.

“Fuck!”

He came right after her, spurting his cum into her cunt. Every time he finished inside of her, he marked her. He marked her to be his, to show he owned her inside and out. Though this time felt different. This time, filling her up with his seed made him sad in a way he had never been before.

Eliza bit her lip. She knew he was crying. His tears pearled off her skin. The hold he had on her was inhuman. He didn’t want her to leave. He held onto her as if she was his world, which apparently, she was, and it made her chest contract with pure agony. She reached for his head, wanting to hold him and make him stop crying, but the second she touched him, he pulled out and fell on the mattress next to her.

She clenched her thighs together as if that would change anything, as if that would get him back to stay inside of her and the clock to turn back to zero just so they could start again. She wanted the world to end and build itself up again for them to get a second chance.

But second chances don’t come to everyone. They come to hardly anyone. Hoping for a second chance only hurts you more than accepting that there might never be a second chance in this one life you have.

Eliza learned a good few life lessons over the time she knew Matt, some of those pleasant, the others the most painful things she ever had to experience.

“Matt,” she called for him softly.

He wiped his cheeks. “Don’t apologize, not again. I can’t hear it anymore.”

“But I am sorry.” She reached out for him, stroking his bicep. He flinched under her touch. This was the first time he did. She squeezed her eyes shut, letting him go, and he slipped away into the void. “I wish I could tell you anything different,” she whispered, “but I can’t. I know sorry doesn’t even cut it close, but I hope you can find it in yourself to forgive me.”

“This is not something you need to ask forgiveness for, Eliza.” He pulled the covers up and over their naked bodies. He didn’t call her sweetheart, not anymore. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me. I get it. You don’t feel the same way and that’s okay. I have to accept that. And I’m sorry for walking away like that, I… I was angry, not at you, but also at you, I just… I don’t know. I’m sorry for making you feel smaller than you are.”

“But you still want us to be over,” Eliza said. The words he was too afraid to say. “We’re not gonna try, we’re just over. That’s what you want?”

Matt nodded, once again wiping his cheeks to get rid of the annoying tears escaping his eyes. “Yeah, I think it’s the best choice.” One of the tears ran down his chest. “For the both of us, I think it’s better if we stop. So neither of us get hurt any more than we already are. I think that would be wise.”

She shivered. Her own tears weren’t so far away. “You’re right,” she admitted quietly. “That’s a wise choice to make.”

“Yeah.”

“So this is it?”

“I…”

“We’re over?”

“Yeah, I guess we are.”

“Okay.” She stared up at the ceiling the same way he did, trying to fight the tears of heartbreak. “Okay.”

He picked up on the slide of the door too late. “Do you guys want eggs or ba-aaaah, oh my God!” Foggy immediately turned around once he saw the tangled bodies on the bed. “Nope, nuh-uh. I didn’t see anything. I’m leaving. Okay. Never walking into your bedroom ever again. Got it!”

Matt scrambled to get his clothes back on, as did Eliza. The conversation between them died down, and it probably would never come back to life. Standing across from each other, she looked at him and he listened to her. This hurt. He didn’t want it to hurt. Neither did she, but they knew this was inevitable. They had to stop or it would only hurt more in the end.

He reached out for her hand but stopped himself mid-way. Her breath shuddered. Still, before he turned to leave, he leaned forward to press an almost too gentle kiss to her heated forehead.

“I’m sorry,” he breathed.

She nodded. “Me too.”

He slid the door open enough for him to fit through. No one else had to see her like this. He wished he could just bury himself in sand and die, but he knew there was no time for that. She knew that, too. They had to put on a show, live through this hurt with the reminder of what happened more than present each fleeting second, and they would have to do so until Hydra was gone and their lives could return back to normal.

The sound of the wood falling back in place broke the dam. The tears flowed freely down her cheeks and her body. Eliza didn’t sob, she just quietly cried into her hands.

Well done, Eliza. Breaking everything you touch since the day you were born.

When she looked up next, her eyes were empty. She stared at the wall, wiping her tears, and then she stared some more because, for the first time since she escaped Hydra, she shut her emotions off completely. She knew as soon as she did that, there was no going back. She would feel nothing until she would feel everything, but when that time came, she would already be dead.

Now that she had nothing left to live for, she could focus on dismembering Hydra and not care about what happened to her. The promise she made was worthless without Matt by her side. If it meant she had to die, as Robert Pfeiffer said, she would do so in a heartbeat.

Because that’s what heroes do.

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aphelionwrotes11 · 4 months ago

Text

(MDNI 18+) (unedited)

Trucker!simon x reader (afab)

CW: smut, unprotected PiV penetration, dubcon (slight alcohol consumption, not a lot)

Part 3

Trucker!simon, as puntual as ever, raps his heavy fist against your door at 7pm sharp. You have to take a final look at yourself in the mirror to ensure you still look well groomed.

When you open the door Simon’s huge form takes up nearly the entire doorframe. He’s wearing heavy dark blue jeans, a flannel button up, and a thick leather jacket. He has a bouquet of red and pink roses. You get to enjoy his uncovered smile as you fawn over them.

He lifts them for you to smell, but the only thing you catch of whiff of is his musky cologne, rich and deep. Once you get the roses settled into a vase, Simon walks you to his pickup with a warm hand resting firm on your hip.

When you ask him where he’s taking you, he just glances your way with a smirk,

“You’ll see, lovey.”

You giggle and ask him how much longer it’ll be.

“Wot’s the matter? Just can’t wait much longer for it to be over and be in my bed?”

You gape at him, your face flushing red, and he chuckles. He must notice you squeezing your thighs together, because a moment later he plants his massive hand on your thigh, giving you a gentle squeeze.

By the time you two make it to the restaurant, you’re certain there must be a puddle on his brown leather seats with how much he was squeezing your thigh, teasing his fingers just under the skirt of your dress. Your legs feel like jello as he helps you out of the truck.

The place he’s taken you is a lot prettier than you imagined, cute and atmospheric. You’re a bit shocked that a gruff man like him would know any places like this.

Has a reservation for the two of you, at a table he specifically chose. A private table in the corner, nestled between two large plant covered windows. You gasp at the view, looking out over the well lit street.

When you ask him how he found such a lovely place, he tells you he knows the owner’s husband.

“S’my ol cap’s wife, used to be in the force with em’. Same team. Lovely couple, they’ll like you.”

You listen to him speak, asking him questions about his time in the military. When it’s time to order, you take a final glance at the menu, your brows furrowing. It’s a real nice place, and the prices reflect that.

“You can get whatever you want, lovey.” He says, but you just frown. So he looks up at the waiter and tells him to give you both another minute.

You explain that you’re sorry, everything’s just so expensive, you don’t want to cost him too much. He looks offended and grunts, leaning over to you.

“Money ain’t an issue f’me.”

“I’ll get you anything you want, anything at all, bird.” He says so gently, you’re unsure he’s even talking about food.

By the end of dinner, your belly is full and your cheeks are warm, from him or the glass of wine, you aren’t sure. The two of you talked for hours, and your stomach still hurts from how hard he made you laugh with his ridiculous dad jokes.

You feel giddy as he walks you out to his truck, arm around your shoulder. You nestle yourself into his side, taken in his heat and his smell. The mood shifts once the two of you get into the truck. Suddenly the air is too hot, and you would really love to lose a few layers.

Just like before, he plants his warm palm on the fat of your thigh, massaging his fingers into it. But this time, as his fingers breach the skirt of your dress, they keep inching up until his thumb is pressed up against your clothed sex. You suck in a breath as he applies some pressure to your throbbing clit.

“So wet already, ain’t ya bird?” He whispers, his voice thick.

The only response you can give him is a whine as he shifts his hand till he’s grinding his palm against you. You meet his pace, moving your hips against his hand, grasping his arm as you whimper.

His other hand grips the steering wheel so hard his knuckles are white. He struggles to even keep his eyes on the road, and when he finally glances at you, just to see you looking up at him all needy and flushed, he has to resist pulling over and taking you right here in his truck. Instead he just presses harder on the gas and on your wet pussy.

By the time you’ve made it to his home, you’ve already cum twice. Your gasping and twitching as he jumps from out as soon as he puts the truck into park, speed walking to your side and ripping the door open to smash his lips against yours.

Carries you up the front door, your legs wrapped around his waist. He parts from you only once to unlock his door and take you both inside. He pushes you against the wall, tearing of his jacket as you pull off your own. His hands grab the hem of your dress, you help him pull it over your head. You blush as he pauses for a moment to take in your matching set, red lace bralette and panties.

“This all f’me? So perfect.” He groans. Hand coming up to cup your tit and press a wet kiss to your lace covered chest.

By the time he has you laid out in his bed you’re naked and hot. You claw at his shirt, whining at him to take it off.

He complies without second thought, ripping it off and revealing a muscled, scarred chest. You can’t help how you practically mewl at the sight of him.

He bends down as he’s removing his jeans to press kisses down the expanse of your throat. His mouth finds a nipple, sucking it into his mouth. He licks your chest sloppily, groaning as he sucks hickies on your tits. He stands straight as he pulls off his boxers, revealing a thick cock, the tip an angry red as it leaks precum.

“Look a’ what you do to me love. Never been so hard.” His voice is low and nearly whiny near the end of his sentence.

Spends a real long time stretching you out on his thick fingers. Sucks on your tits and neck the whole time. He’s almost as loud as you, watching you as you squirm beneath him with groans falling from his lips. You cum at least 2 times, but you aren’t sure, your bones feel like jelly and your vision is so blurred from tears you can barely see Simon’s face. If you could see it, you would see how pussy drunk he looks, absolutely love struck.

When he finally lines himself with your entrance, he gently squeezes your hips and presses a few sweet kisses to your mouth.

“You ready bird? Think ya can take some more?” He asks softly.

Yes, yes, please. You tell him. Finally.

Doesn’t waste another moment and finally pushes himself into your slick cunt with a low groan. He presses his face into the crook of your neck, gently thrusting himself into you at first.

“Feel s’good.. so so good.” He mumbles against your skin, halting his movements for a moment.

He lifts himself to his elbows, analyzing your face to ensure you’re comfortable. With your approval he starts moving, fucking you with long and languid thrusts. Pulling his cock all the way out before pushing back in.

After a while of him moving like this, you feel like you’re about to fall apart again. You claw at his back, legs wrapped around his waist as he hits a gooey spot within you that has you clenching on his cock.

“Give it t’me sweetheart, please, I need it.” He says, sounding utterly wrecked.

And once you come on his cock, he loses it. He starts humping himself into you at an ungodly pace, one that has you crying and mewling his name. Every nerve in your body feels like it’s on fire, you can’t even form the words to ask him to slow down, but given the look on his face you aren’t sure if he’d even hear you.

He looks so out of it, practically drunk. His eyes are half lidded and lips parted as he grunts and gasps. His hands hold your hips in a vice grip that you know will leave marks, not like it matters though, he’s already marked all over your chest and throat.

“Been- been waiting to take ya out fer- fu-uck-“ he pauses, his hips snapping against yours, “since I saw ya bird- knew you were mine. All mine.” He growls out.

His eyes nearly roll to the back of his skull as you clench down on his length, he lets out a breathy moan as he slows his movements.

“W-where you want it birdie? Where y’want me to cum?” He gasps out.

Blows his load as soon as you squeak out a quiet “inside.”

He’s growling, gasping and panting, as he pumps his load into you. Keeps thrusting even after he’s cum, pressing his nose into your hair and whining.

Once the two of you have come down, and you finally stop seeing stars, he quickly hops up to get a wet rag and cold glass of water. Cleans the both of you up and urges you to take a few sips, finishes what’s left of the glass once you do.

You practically pass out as soon as he’s got you wrapped up in his warm, burly arms. He stays awake though, petting your hair and gazing at your pretty face. He’s finally got you, and he’s never letting you go.

Note: it was HELL trying to get this done for you guys today :((( my wifi decided to die once I was halfway through with the first part of this fic, which then deleted everything and I had to rewrite EVERYTHINF. That and my poor doggy has been losing his mind over the fireworks going off every ten mins (curse you Fourth of July). It’s fine tho, cuz I think it turned out so cute. Ofc I had to add in the fluffy ending, also please forgive the repetitive word use and unnecessary commas!! I’m planning on coming back and editing this one hardcore, if I end up adding any major things to it I’ll just post the updated version (as well as this one) but this will do for now!! Just wanted to give u guys something to chew on cuz I left you all high and dry with the first part lol

Simon Riley master list

#cod #fanfic #cod smut #trucker simon riley #simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #simon riley #simon riley smut #cod x reader #cod fanfic #john price #pathetic men

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