#tbh the one in the middle is a man
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That middle child feel when you’re the one who successfully gets you and your siblings out of trouble only to immediately get jumped by them afterwards
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rise leo#pouring one out for all my fellow middle children 😔#Donnie betraying his fellow middle child like this…even being the one to throw him under the bus first smh#no but like if I was Leo here I’d be like wtf guys#it does make me wonder if Leo constantly was the one who got them all out of messes#and in turn the main one who took the fall if his attempts failed rip#we kinda see this often in the series tbh? where Leo takes point when it comes to talking out a situation#maybe it started very very young as seen in this short#(actually there is no ‘if’ Leo was the one doing this he literally WAS at least twice as tots from what we’re shown)#side eyes Bug Busters where Leo gets his bros out of being turned into clowns and immediately gets blasted 😭#no thanks in sight#can’t even blame him for being a sore winner there I would be too lol#and then he gets thrown off a building like man all around an f tier day for Hamato Leonardo#side note but Leo’s face stripes look especially pink in this lighting and I really like when we can see that pinkness because it looks cute
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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new enstars characters (nice + 4piece) as tbh/autism creatures ◕_◕ also i color picked them and recolored some pride flags because i can
fuyume -> bigender
ibuki -> nonbinary
esu -> transmasc
raika -> aroace
kanna -> agender
#enstars#i spent way too much time and energy on this#nice arneb thunder#loser name for a loser man#classic rant in the tags let's go#i really hope one of 4piece is genderqueer#favorite character is kanna so far#mr nice guy really went to a middle school chess tournament saw kanna and asked if he wanted to be an idol#esu is just like me fr#gives me so much transmasc energy yk#the big ugly jacket#kind of looks like the sports survivors card#...i'm gonna make the esu tbh and the esu transmasc flag into a pinback button#im ngl i thought 4piece was going to be like a 4chan unit#ensemble stars#long post#enstars fanart#hand crafted sillies#wait no i had another tag#hand-crafted funnies#i think?#hanamura fuyume#taki ibuki#sagiri esu#hojo raika#natsu kanna#4piece#4piece enstars#ensemble stars fanart#i can't see if i tagged that already or not oh well
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can you remember being born? were you born at all
#my art#kuron vld#vld kuron#vld#this is sorta a companiom piece to the haggar one i posted recently#also. just now realising the perfect timing of posting that drawing on MOTHERS DAY of all possible days#i swear i didnt plan that. didnt even cross ny mind?? but its neat ig#this drawing is pretty simple but i really like how it turned out!!!#it was meant to evoke those infographics of human fetus development#its wrong. there should be middle stages between a fetus and a fully grown adult man. but theres nothing there.#like. he had no childhood or anything. he just woke up as a full ass guy. theres no middle point between a mindless clump of cells and him.#no infant. no child. no teenager. just kuron.#this is wrong and unnatural and it shouldnt have happened but it did#the part of him that looks the most alive is the bloody arm. his life depends on it. hes nothing without it.#sigh. i have so much to say abt this piece and i feel like its pretty barebones and simple tbh#but i still cant put into words what i mean!!!!! i am trying and failing!!! argghhhhhhhhg. whateverr#i have THOUGHTS about this but a weird ramble is all youre gonna get folks. maybe one day il write a small coherent analysis of this thing#he will never escape haggar. he was not meant to. hes asleep and clueless and hell never wake up#he wont ever become more than what was planned for him. and he doesnt even know#blood#gore#i guess. not really gore. more like viscera and flesh?#kuronposting
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anyway time travel au is really, at its core, about dfs finally letting llh run because he can trust that llh will eventually find him again (and come back to him). equally, it’s about llh finally realising he doesn’t have to run because dfs will wait for him no matter how far he roams (or how well he hides).
#time travel au#my writing#feihua#dfs fell ‘first’ for a man who dropped out of the sky#llh fell ‘harder’ for a man who waited years and trusted llh with not only his life but also his FUTURE#middle aged llh jumping into the past one day and jumping back only to immediately latch onto dfs#because baby dfs drunkenly told llh that he loved him (dfs does NOT remember this tbh) and llh is bereft
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Drawing the messiest sketches is actually so good for my brain
#my art#fate grand order#minamoto no tametomo#baobhan sith#barghest#i am in fact adding tametomo to lb6 thats what the first image is about#adding to or replacing tristan tbh#im sorry to tristan fans btw but tametomo would 100% survive against barghest#i love tristan btw but tametomo's literally stronger#i imagine he's summoned human (because of the lack of technology and the way it just stopped working while in lb6#so i decided to make him human because 1. i like to draw people and 2. i didnt want to find an explanation as to why he functioned HOWEVER#i do have one as to why he Would function even tho any other technology doesnt. kind of.#anyway#unimportant#he WILL be trying to snipe morgan from the other side of britain because just as ushiwaka has an obsession with decapitation#tametomo has an obsession with sniping individuals#he will also try and probably hit Melusine at least Once in the middle of the air. fucking shoots her down like a fcking. soemthing#he Will be dying because thats what characters who are in lb6 do#i just dont know when#i havent actually thought a lot about this apart from how much sniping they will make him do#PLUS LIKE#he requires a lot of mana to spam his NP but like isnt faerie britain FULL of mana? tametomo would be a BEAST#so i need to find limitations#also need to find moments on when he would be interacting with baobhan and be ga- wait he's a man and baobhan a woman that aint gay....#so anyway they're gay--#straight yuri ive said#im a lesbian LEAVE ME ALONE!!!#i can DO THIS im ALLOWED im GAY#i LOVE WOMEN!!!!#i think i need to mix the humanness with the robotness. either always or eventually or something up
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sometimes i still think about how honeypre (rip) took a hiyori mv and somehow made it aiyuu
#they completely cut hiyori out of the chibi… even though she’s right smack in the middle#rip honeypre you wouldve loved meoto#honeypre you truly were ahead of your time#if we had just another year of honeypre i think we couldve gotten lxl june bride event where yujiro’s the bride and aizo’s the groom#featuring event 4⭐︎ chuutan with a skill called ‘invite me to your wedding!!’ or sth#i still think chuutan couldve saved honeypre tbh. but oh well…#still wish we couldve gotten nagisa in honeypre thoughhhhh. man.#a nghy paired title wouldve been so cute…#and i think nagisa’s 4k(?) plays title would’ve been his ‘mezasu wa oujisama’ from sukiuso#it couldve been so cute auauauauauauauauaaaaaaaaaaa w h a t if we’d have gotten nghy bridal carry chibis. w h a t then.#um. anyway. in any case. that’s enough honeypre nostalgia for one day… i think.#but i still wish they would release the full colour mvs… true lost media fr#i hope they at least release them with their stacked compilation album~~~#but ngl it took me like a week to realise that the mvs were in full colour back when honeypre was first released#i played yumefan way too many times before i wondered ‘hey… was aizo’s shirt *always* orange????’#anyway come back honeypre you were the only rhythm game i could pfc consistently on~~~~~~~#just honeypre things
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gonna be annoying in the tags
#i have never understood the character = actor thing#like genuinely i dont fucking get it at all#if anything i think it both discredits the actors effort and the people that actually created the medias efforts#actors very rarely have anything to do with the characters creation nor do they have anything to do with a character outside of portraying#them like tbh i feel like its a massive insult to the work that goes into acting and writing#plus i just dont really care for actors personally#but thats just a me thing#idk!!! charlie cox does not equal matt murdock he had nothing to do with creating matt murdock#or like cillian murphy as jonathan crane#i dont like jonathan crane because he looks like cillian murphy i just like jonathan crane#like yeah he did a great job with acting in the trilogy and portrayed him great#but cillian murphy doesnt have any of the traits i like in jonathan crane idgaf about that guy aside from like two roles hes done#i dont know man#i just feel like itd be shitty to put months or years into the creation of media#into method acting and portraying these characters with the help of writers and directors#just for characters to not be acknowledged as seperate from their actors#idk. like jonathan crane is played by cillian murphy they have the same face whatever#but that is in no way shape or form the same guy at ALLLLL#idk. also fucks with fandom portrayals of characters#i.e booktok white women projecting poorly written smut onto every middle aged man ever#like you dont look at animated media and equate that character to their VA why would you do it for live action shit#you dont look at writers work and equate their characters to themselves#uuugggggghhhhh#plus i think the film idustry in general tends to give actors too much credit for the creation of media#not to say actors do nothing because they definetly do im interested in acting myself#but brother they r not the ones that direct and write and edit and sound mix and all this other shit#skyler posting#soigh#anyways
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having a weird al moment
#i've always liked weird al. he's always been in my periphery culturally speaking#in middle school i had one of his polka medleys memorized. along with White and Nerdy#(if i give myself a minute i can still recite 90% of it)#LOVE Hardware Store#but i've never like... sat down and listened through a weird al album#until this week?? i've listened through two and will probably listen to more#a friend and i were listening to poodle hat in the car the other day and genuinely cracking up#the man's a treasure#and for whatever reason my brain has decided to fixate on him this week#it's keeping me in good spirits tbh!!#there are certainly worse ways to combat seasonal depression#also just found out about the insane biopic he made of himself in which daniel radcliffe plays him#so obviously i need to watch that at the nearest opportunity#nov 2023#weird al#music
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i've watched a lot of good films lately in an attempt to catch up with a bunch of movies that have come out recently, but talk to me was the best movie i've seen in a LONG time
#i put off watching it for so long because i was sure it was overrated + i'm generally not a fan of possession movies#(because so many of them try to be the exorcist and they will never be the exorcist. you know how it is)#but holy shit. genuinely a brilliant movie in every aspect of filmmaking + completely aligned with my personal taste#+ exactly what i look for thematically in possession and/or ghost movies#+ the absolute perfect balance between psychological and gory#and like i said SUCH a good cold opening#tbh i think it's a useful trick to know how to get your audience to buy into a supernatural premise from the very first scene#i think that takes some VERY effective + skillful writing and directing#and as someone who again typically does NOT like possession movies i usually end the movie NEVER buying into the story#not because i'm a 'skeptic' or whatever just because the writing doesn't do the work#but SCENE ONE of this movie i was so in it#anyway. movee of all time to me#also from the trailers etc i had thought that that fluffy yellow sweatshirt mia wears at the beginning of the movie was a bathrobe lmao#my first impression of what this movie was gonna be like was NOT correct#anyway 'recently' means in the past 2 years i guess?#actually maybe this post was a lie because i LOVED nope which was also just an absolute cinematic masterpiece#anytime i watch a jordan peele movie it's just like. this man is so far beyond any other filmmaker out there right now#it's almost unfair to watch lol like an olympic gold medalist running laps around a middle school track team#anyway ummm. yeah talk to me was good though
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The urge to spend a 100$ on merch before getting my paycheck is so strong. I might not survive soldiers
#Priorities! Next month no food challenge#At least I can eat my vinyls and CDs 🥰#Man fr I could starve but if Id have some albums#Id be happy#eating my own organs and shit#Okay yes I officially lost it but!#ahiajwineidn the voices#I want to spend money#🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛#Tbh i only eat cheap ass bread anyways so maybe we can do it 👻#me tryna convince myself this would be a good idea and i wouldn't die#Mnaiaisns9jwkq but it's motivation? to keep working right?#....... IM ABT TO ORDER STUFF#IDEK WHAT. BUT. THE. VOICES.#like im soo thinking abt buying the mortal vinyl or atsushis vinyll CUZ THEY LOOK SO GOOD.#I DONT HAVE A MF LP PLAYER BUT IMMA BUY ONE AS WELL#aaaaaaaaa🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠#HM. HmmMM. i can get an LP player on facebook market place rightttt that wont be expensive righttttt#oh to not have to pay 30$ for. shipping would be so good#Ahhhhhhhhh. 😾#Gimme money#Actually I don't even have the money! idek how much am i gonna get paid! but im just thinking abt ordering stuff and hoping ill have enough#insanity is my middle name tbh#also i hate how i literally. dont keep track of my money and i always act on impulse 😭#like man idc how much u pay me i see i have enough imma spend it all#but i should save up to finally move my mf ass away from this great environment i live in#but dang is it hard next to school#getting paid less than minimum wage as a student lowkey. is not fun#But idk what to do cuz i cant skip school to work 😭 so this is shit#n e ways goodnight ily who reads my 3556th diary entry
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Sad news mika nation today was the first day in months I was misgendered at work :'(
#txt#It's interesting bc I am CONSISTENTLY correctly gendered at this job#Whereas at my last job I NEVER was#And the clientele at my job rn are older people#No one under 30 genders me correctly#Its very interesting tbh#The guy who called me ma'am today was around my age#Elderly people all call me sir#And middle aged men all go 'hey thanks man' to me#But at my last job most of the customers were very young and alt and everyone misgendered me#Idk what it is lol
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had some very plot-y dreams last night!
I was an alien who was disguised as a human. I think I had come to earth as some kind of invading force years and years ago - my lifespan was pretty long actually, so I was only about the equivalent of my early 20s still but I'd been on earth long enough that I looked more middle-aged.
Which was appropriate, because the reason I had bailed/was in hiding is because I had fallen in love with my beautiful wife. She had died, so I was raising our half-alien son by myself and was probably the definition of Overprotective Parent
I never saw what I looked like, but there was a point in the dream where my son was in his alien form. It was actually very beautiful - he looked like he was made of colorful gemstones or glass rather than flesh and blood
But the whole dream's plot hinged on me finding what was apparently some kind of like, alien rehabilitation program where they took someone and made them human and made them experience life as a human as some kind of penance/rehab?
And there was a dude who I recognized as like. a Big Bad species, that I was CONVINCED had a) no ability to feel remorse, b) would indiscriminately kill everyone, and c) was very very dangerous and also in the same town as my son
so I started like, hanging around?? To try and catch this dude being Evil and also making sure everyone was staying The Fuck Away from my kid, right? except this dude just kind of. didn't do anything evil. stone cold poker face and no showing emotions, but no like, killing or anything
at some point into this dream, we find out about a bomb that is under the chair of one of the group, which consists of me, This Guy, and some squishy humans. My goal is to make sure that if the bomb goes off, it goes off with the other alien bc his species is very invulnerable to things like that
long story short, I ended up with the bomb and driving away and got. really really hurt. and the evil alien? he ran over, covered my wounded body with his own, and someone transferred half of my wounds to him and in doing so he saved my life
so... not as evil (or as emotionless) as I thought, clearly
The rest is fuzzy, but I know I let him see that I had a son at one point, though I didn't directly introduce them.
Honestly the whole dream kind of felt like it had a vague enemies to friends to lovers plot going on as we both explored more of his background and history and emotions, and as we revealed the fact that I had once been kind of a bad guy honestly before falling in love with my wife.
something something, second chances
then i had an entirely different dream where I was a princess who accidentally defeated a dragon and bound him to me in human form lol
#my dreams#dream journal#second chance dream#like honestly the peak of this dream was him throwing his body over mine as i lay dying#and then transferring half of the wounds#like i was still hurt and now he was too#and i don't think either of us had known his species could do that tbh#i was such an overprotective middle aged dad honestly#i don't think i let my son really leave the house#because of the whole half-alien thing i was so worried he would be like. experimented on or taken away#my dead wife haunted the narrative#she made me a better person but without her i think i was regressing to old (bad) coping skills#the only reason i know about my age is i complained about the body the evil alien got#sometimes a love story is a 26 year old in the body of a 40 yr old man and his enemy-to-love the 40 year old alien looking like a 26 yr old#and that's okay#shoutout to the dragon and princess story bc no one realized that 'twas I who was bound to the dragon for like. ages#bc nobody realized i was the one that killed him i guess?
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Preparing for a category 4 Taylor Swift event is so intense these days I’m like *eyes on taylornation* *eyes on Spotify AND Apple Music* *re-reads the tour dates* *pulls up tabs for the 1975 genius pages* *speed reads On Grief and Grieving* *eyes on those nerds who read her website code* *collapse*
#I’m not really doing any of these things tbh but this is what it feels like!#I need to take a week off work for this#the reality is I will likely continue to have zero expectations and coordinate listening at midnight with my friends#that’s it#but man! the only saving grace is there is no tour to prepare for cuz she’s already in the middle of one lmaoooooo
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Interview. Interview. Oh Another interview. Interview. Interview. Guess what's next? An interview that a manager is like "Today at 2pm sound good?" which I took bc yeah, it was good...
I'm tired.
Now will ANY OF THEM ACTUALLY Call Me Back???
#taks speaks#literally woke up to an email from a place that interviewed me two days ago saying i wasn't selected for an interview#like??? What???#YOU JUST INTERVIEWED ME#there's one of them that i'm hoping for bc it has the lovely 8-5 hours. not per shift. just being open#and it's a tourist trap#that has good health benefits and gets me into other tourist traps around town For Free +3 guests max#like hello. dad can visit. bring both sisters. we're going touristing#and sea world at 50% off which is pretty damn cool#i'm gonna start harassing them daily on the phone as of wednesday#if that gas station food prep job doesn't get back#which pays a touch more with a 10% discount on GAS#BUT they're the ones who sent that weird email this morning saying i didn't make it to the interview stage which um#why? what? you talked to me twice?#I'm QUALIFIED? It's the same damn job i previously had but for a gas station. i mean come on#ugh. my lowest quality options are part time at a busier and more annoying tourist trap#or *sighs* dominos.#at least dominos gets good tips tho#everyday for like. the last week has been interviews#except yesterday which tbh i slept most of it#i need a fuckin job dude. come on#i have also created a list of managers i would rather be interviewed by#at the bottom of the list is intimidating older woman. next is slightly younger than that woman who thinks i don't look local enough#somewhere in the middle is that really chill old lady who gave me advice about chafing in the heat. great lady#and top is black man in his 20s. very chill. easy to talk to. i've been interviewed by two and the first one was younger than me#and i intimidated him. bc i knew more about interviewing laws than he did. whoops. missed out on the job but he was nice#today's though? KNEW HIS SHIT. Perfect manager. I'd want to work for him. Chill. easy to talk to and understood the laws well#...just realized the bar is that low. wow.#sadly he's the dominos guy and that job is second to last on my preferred list#i have most definitely noticed that the person interviewing you sets the daily tone for the job
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Redrawing Kiki from various scenes in Kiki's Delivery Service.
#art#my art#kiki's delivery service#studio ghibli#man older miyazaki characters have peanut shaped heads#tbh i struggled with the middle one a lot#i had to keep readjusting her face because i just couldn't get it right#anyway it still doesn't look quite right to me but i'm sick of messing around with it so I'm just posting it and trying to let it go lolol#also i was messing around with slightly different ways to draw her which is why she doesn't look super consistent across the three drawings#redraw#fanart
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