#i need a fuckin job dude. come on

[beaversatemygrandma]

Interview. Interview. Oh Another interview. Interview. Interview. Guess what's next? An interview that a manager is like "Today at 2pm sound good?" which I took bc yeah, it was good...

I'm tired.

Now will ANY OF THEM ACTUALLY Call Me Back???

[sufficientlylargen]

It always gets me that the name "Gandalf" literally just means "Wand-Elf" or "Stick-Elf". I'm imagining old Gondorians just being like:

Librarian: I saw that weird guy at the library again today.

Guard 1: What weird guy?

Librarian: The old guy with the beard? Kinda elfy-looking, apart from the beard?

Guard 1: Oh, with the big-ass stick?

Librarian: Yeah, looked like he was carrying an entire tree branch.

Guard 2: Yeah, that's the Stick Elf.

Guard 1: Hell yeah, I fuckin' love the Stick Elf.

Librarian: The "Stick Elf"?

Guard 2: He comes by every few years, usually after some weird book or other.

Librarian: Oh. Yeah, he wanted a treatise on goblin breeding habits.

Guard 2: Like, how they have sex? We have books on that?

Librarian: Yeah, turns out we do. I was as surprised as you are.

Guard 1: What'd the Stick Elf need a fuckin' goblin-fuckin' book for?

Librarian: I didn't ask. So you just call him "Stick Elf"?

Guard 2: I mean, he looks kinda elfy and he always has that stick, so, like, yeah.

Guard 1: Dude also has some fuckin' dope pipeweed.

Guard 2: Oh yeah, his pipeweed is awesome.

Librarian: How long has he been coming here?

Guard 2: Oh, for decades. He's, like, super old.

Guard 1: More like fuckin' centuries. Dude's old as balls.

Guard 2: Wait, really?

Guard 1: Yeah, my gran-gran used to talk about him. She loved his pipeweed too.

Librarian: So he's… an immortal pipeweed dealer?

Guard 2: I think he's just, like, a connoisseur. He doesn't sell it or anything. He just always has some really top-notch pipeweed on him.

Archivist: Oh, are we talking about Stick Elf?

Guard 1: Hell yeah we are!

Librarian: You know about the Stick Elf, too?

Archivist: Oh, totally. Stick-Elf's a super chill dude. Gave me some awesome pipeweed when I was maybe 12, and tee-bee-aitch I think I'm still a little buzzed from it.

Guard 1: What'd I tell ya, fuckin' dope pipeweed!

Archivist: Also he's really old.

Guard 1: Old as balls.

Librarian: Yeah, so Éodan and Jenniforomir were telling me.

Archivist: My grandpa used to tell me stories - he said one time he saw Stick Elf enter a smoke-ring contest.

Guard 1: Ooh, I'll bet he kicked fuckin' ass.

Archivist: Apparently the guy made an entire warship out of smoke and it flew around shooting down the other rings.

Librarian: And how much of this "fuckin' dope" pipeweed had your grandfather had by this point?

Guard 1: No no, that's totally plausible. Dude's got weird elf powers and shit for sure.

Archivist: He brought fireworks for the king's birthday one year, too.

Guard 1: Oh fuck, I forgot about those! Fuckin' incredible fireworks! Dragons and knights and glowy trees and shit! I was fuckin' 6 years old or something, they totally blew my mind. Hey Éodan, did you see that shit?

Guard 2: No, I think that's before I lived in Gondor.

Guard 1: Wait, you're not from here?

Guard 2: Oh, no, I grew up in Rohan. We moved here when I was, like, thirteen because my uncle Éojeff said he could get my dad a sweet job. And also that there were houses that didn't smell like horseshit.

Guard 1: Oh shit, are you related to Éojeff and Éosteve who run that æbleskiver stand on Norndîl St?

Guard 2: Yeah, they're my uncles!

Guard 1: Shit, they cook a fuckin' great æbleskiver!

Librarian: Ok, hold up a sec, "Stick Elf" can't possibly be his real name.

Guard 1: Why not?

Librarian: What? You think his parents named him in the hopes that he would carry around a fucking tree when he got older?

Guard 2: Maybe they gave him the tree when he was born!

Archivist: I don't think a baby could carry that stick.

Guard 1: You ever seen a baby hanging onto something? They're hella strong.

Archivist: It's not a strength thing, their hands are tiny. That staff is enormous!

Guard 1: My halberd's bigger 'n I am, I can hold it just fine.

Archivist: You're not a baby.

Librarian: Also why would elf parents name their kid "stick ELF"?! Presumably they know that their kid's going to be an elf!

Archivist: Is he actually an elf? I didn't think they grew beards.

Guard 1: How'd he get old as balls if he's not an elf?

Guard 2: His ears aren't that pointy. Maybe he's just a really old guy? Like, a Numémoriam or something?

Guard 1: Did you just say "Numémoriam"?

Guard 2: Nûnenorman? Munimõrbitan? Y'know, those guys like the king that can get super old.

Guard 1: You mean the fuckin' Númenóreans?

Guard 2: Yeah, the Númenóreums.

Archivist: Even the Númenóreans don't live THAT long.

Guard 1: Plus he carries that fuckin' stick around.

Guard 2: Wait, what does the stick have to do with it?

Guard 1: That's an elf thing. Y'know, trees and shit? Very elfy.

Librarian: Ok, look, but his parents naming him "Stick Elf" would be weird whether or not he's an elf. In fact, it's even weirder if he's not - what human names their kid "elf"?

Archivist: Huh. Yeah, you're right, he probably does have another name.

Guard 2: Yeah, I guess so.

Librarian: He's been coming here for decades and nobody's ever asked his real name?

Archivist: I dunno what to tell you, he's Stick Elf. Even his library card just says 'Stick Elf'.

Guard 1: Fuck yeah, the Stick Elf!

Guard 2: Maybe we could, like, ask him his name sometime?

Guard 1: Hey, look, Elrond's over there. He's old as balls too, maybe he knows?

Guard 2: Oh, we shouldn't interru-

Guard 1: HEY ELROND, YOU'RE OLD AS BALLS, RIGHT? WHAT'S THAT OLD ELF WITH THE STICK'S NAME?

Elrond (coming over): Do you mean an old man cloaked all in grey and blue, leaning on a rough-cut staff, who came to the great library this day?

Guard 1: Yeah, the Stick-Elf!

Guard 2: (Sorry to bother you, sir...)

Librarian: He's got to have a real name besides 'the Stick Elf', right?

Elrond: Indeed, for no elf is he. You speak of the wizard Olórin, wisest of the Maiar, older even than Eä itself. Many are his names in many countries: Tharkûn among the Dwarves; Incánus to the south; Mithrandir he is called among my people, the Grey Pilgrim.

Librarian: Oh.

Elrond: And here in the North he is called Stick-Elf.

Librarian: Oh.

Guard 1: Fuck yeah!

[freckleslikestars]

God it’s been such a long month

[tidetfs]

"Ugh, bro, pleeeeease?"

Max looked at me with those dopey blue eyes of his, staring dully through me and appearing to lack any kind of intelligence or perception.

"I told you, I have a very important club interview," I replied. "This could determine if I can network into a good job after college!" stressing the importance of a job, something my stoner roommate never seemed to understand.

"Just one hit, man, come on! You gotta stop worrying about that stuff and just chill out!" he replied, stretching his muscular arms over his head of greasy (probably unwashed) brown hair and closing his eyes, as if musing about something important. "You gotta try this weed bro, I just, I-" he stuttered as he took another hit. "I don't fuckin' know man, I think you just need this."

Exasperated, I dropped my heavy bag on the floor and strode over to his side of the room, switching to mouth breathing to avoid inhaling too much foot funk from his "clean pile" of clothes, as Max called it. Even three air fresheners weren't enough to keep the pungent smells of weed and sweat at bay.

"What the hell, dude, when's the last time you even washed those?!"

"Oh, I dunno, a couple weeks ago, maybe?" Max replied, shrugging.

I could see some of the dried crust still clinging to the fabric. I couldn't help but be amazed at the sheer size of his stash. The pile was easily four feet across, and it was clear Max was still working to roll his way through the rest. I couldn't even imagine where he got it all.

"Look, just let me finish my meeting, then I'll smoke with you, okay?"

Max's eyes lit up.

"Yeah, for real?" he replied, excited. "You promise? Pinky swear?"

Max stuck his hand out, his pinky raised and his arm shaking slightly. He looked like an overgrown child. I was so tired, I didn't even hesitate. I wrapped my pinky around his, then turned to walk out of the room. As soon as I let go, I felt a sudden, powerful wave of euphoria wash over me. It was unlike anything I'd ever experienced. I couldn't even think straight, the sensation was so intense.

I collapsed against the doorway, unable to move. I could barely even think. The only thought that went through my mind was that I'd never felt this good in my life. Every inch of my skin tingled and buzzed, like a pleasant static that sent ripples of bliss through my muscles. I couldn't even control the way my body twitched and shivered.

"Duuuude," I heard Max say. "You feel that, man? I told you it's the good stuff."

I didn't know what was happening to me. My heart was racing and I couldn't breathe, and the feeling was getting more and more intense. "What..." I struggled to even sound out words. "I didn't even...take a hit..."

"Well, no, not technically," Max said, laughing. "But, uh, that's not what it was, actually. See, I sorta dosed your pinky."

I looked up at him, confused. My vision was blurry and I could barely see him, but he was grinning widely, and I could see the outline of his meaty, calloused hands rubbing the front of his jeans.

"See, it's like this, man. That wasn't weed. That was just, you know, a little something to get you to loosen up a bit. And, uh, well, there's this other thing, too. That shit I sprayed on your hand. It's not, uh, not exactly what you think."

The euphoria was fading, but it was still intense, and it was making my brain spin. "You sprayed my...hand?" I mumbled, barely able to understand what he was saying.

"Yeah, bro, I sorta had to, man. You kept getting me down with all your stress." He flexed his big biceps and gave one a kiss. "Now you're gonna be just like me!" He grinned wide, his perfect teeth glinting in the low light.

I couldn't respond. The sensations were still washing over me, but the euphoria was fading. As my brain began to work again, I suddenly realized that there was something wrong with me. There was a new, alien weight between my legs.

"Wha-what did you do?" I stammered, still dazed and confused. "What...what did you..."

I looked down, and froze. There was a huge, heavy bulge straining against the crotch of my jeans, stretching the thick material taut. It was huge. Like, absolutely massive. It was easily the size of my fist, maybe even bigger. It was so big and round, I could even see the outline of the individual balls.

"Duuuuude, bro, look at that fucking thing!" Max exclaimed, pointing and laughing. "It's totally fucking huge! Holy shit, man, it's the biggest cock I've ever seen in my life!"

I tried to speak, but I was still so confused, I couldn't get my mouth to form words.

"I didn't know they could get that big, man! Wow, bro, you're really packing a fucking cannon, you know that? Holy shit, it's so fucking hot." Max was practically drooling as he ogled the enormous bulge in my pants.

I could feel the heat radiating off of it, and I could tell it was pulsing and throbbing with each beat of my heart. The sensation was incredibly intense.

"It's...it's not possible..." I stammered, my voice cracking. "What...what did you spray?"

"Bro, I'm telling you, it's totally normal!" Max said, trying his best to sound reassuring. "My friend from home, he said, well, it's just that..." Max stammered again, his usually peaceful face betraying some shyness. "I've always thought you were cute, even without that package. You just needed to loosen up a little. And, I mean, I just wanted you to be, like, comfortable with me. It was just a little bit, man, and it was totally safe. Like, I swear, it's totally normal, dude." He grinned and shot me a wink. "Soon you're going to be just like me."

Max was still staring at the massive bulge, and I could see the outline of his huge dick stretching the crotch of his jeans.

"Dude, bro, I-" my hand shot to my mouth. I had never used those words in the same sentence before! "I...I didn't mean that!"

"Oh, yeah, dude," Max replied, not even noticing. "It's totally normal, bro. You're just a little high is all."

"High?!" I shouted, exasperated. "This isn't...I'm not...this isn't how people talk!"

Max just shrugged. "Bro, you've always been a nerd, and it's cool, man, I totally get it. But this is a big step forward. You're gonna love this. I swear."

I couldn't believe this was happening. I was still trying to process everything that was happening to me, when I heard Max's voice.

"Duuuuuude, check it out, bro," he said, gesturing to the bulge in his jeans. "We're, like, totally packing!"

"I can't..."

"Oh, shit, right. Dude, you gotta feel this."

Max quickly reached down and grabbed the bulge in my pants. As soon as he made contact, I felt a powerful surge of pleasure ripple through me. My body immediately responded to his touch, and I could feel my new cock throb and twitch. I groaned, unable to hold back the sounds.

"Dude, holy shit, bro, it's like, really sensitive or something," Max said, his eyes wide. "Like, really, really fucking sensitive, bro."

"No, it's...not..." I moaned, but I could tell it was a lie. It felt like Max's hand was squeezing my balls, and the pleasure was incredible.

"Fuck, bro, it's, like, really fucking sensitive, dude. Like, fucking, crazy fucking sensitive." Max was practically drooling, and his eyes were glazed over. He was clearly enjoying this a lot.

"Please, stop..."

"Fuck, bro, you're so fucking hard," Max groaned. He started to rub my bulge, and his other hand went to the front of his own jeans. "...and, you're so pretty too. I just don't want to lose you to all those meetings, bro. I want you to be with me."

"Wait, no, what are you doing?"

"I can't hold back anymore, dude, I gotta see your big dick," Max replied, unzipping my jeans and reaching in. He slowly pulled down, and my eyes widened as he revealed the huge, throbbing bulge in my underwear. It was so big, the fabric was stretched tight, and it was already soaked in pre-cum.

"Holy shit, dude, that thing is huge!" Max exclaimed, his voice cracking. He was staring at my huge bulge with a lustful expression, and his long tongue darted out to lick his lips. "It's, like, fucking, massive."

I looked down and was shocked by what I saw. It was easily twice as big as it had been just a few minutes ago. It was still growing, and it was stretching the fabric of my boxer-briefs to the limit. Max began to move closer, scrambling to take off his busted old t-shirt, meaty pecs and perfect washboard abs busting out as he did. He leaned forward, and his massive bicep brushed against my new rock-hard dick.

"Oh, shit, bro, fuck," Max moaned as he leaned in closer. At this point I could almost feel the waves of sweat and weed rolling off his huge body, and my cock was throbbing and leaking, straining against the tight fabric of my underwear.

"You're so hot, dude," Max said, reaching out to grab my huge bulge, wrapping his meaty hand around it. His hand was warm and rough, and his grip was strong, squeezing my bulge and causing a fresh burst of pleasure. "You're, like, fucking sexy as hell, man."

"What the hell, bro, no, that's not...that's not right!" I stammered, but Max's words sent a thrill through me. I could feel my cheeks burning, and I could feel the heat radiating from my skin. "That's not, I'm not a fag!"

"You sure about that, bro?" he asked, giving it a tug and sending a bolt of pleasure through my body. I felt the euphoria return. This time, it was a hundred times more intense.

"Fuuuuck," I groaned, leaning my head back. "Bro, it feels so fucking good."

"I know, right? And it's going to feel even better when you're a stoner like me, dude." Max replied, his eyes never leaving mine.

"Fuck, bro, I can't take it, I gotta get naked," Max moaned, frantically undoing his belt and shucking his pants. "I'm so fucking hard, bro, I can't wait to fuck you."

I looked down, and for the first time, got a good look at my new equipment. It was absolutely massive. It was huge and thick, easily the biggest cock I'd ever seen, and it was still growing. It was 10 inches long, and thicker than a beer can. My balls were huge, too, hanging heavy and swollen between my legs. I'd never felt anything like it.

The sensation continued to wash over me, slowly becoming heat as I began to sweat. It felt amazing. I couldn't control myself, I was already starting to moan and groan, and the euphoria was starting to mix with my arousal. My new cock was so sensitive, and the slightest touch made it throb and pulse.

"It's starting!" Max shouted, looking at my side of the room as my clean and organized things started to transform. My desk became cluttered with bongs and pipes, and posters of the periodic table were suddenly replaced by scantily clad men. My clothes started to change, too. My formerly neat shirts were suddenly full of holes and stained with various substances. My shoes were replaced with flip flops and Crocs.

"I can't take it, man, I'm too horny, I need to kiss you, right now," Max moaned, his voice shaking with desperation. "I've been waiting for this day, dude, and I can't hold back any longer."

Before I could protest, Max leaned in and kissed me, his big, thick tongue probing my mouth. The heat was overwhelming, and his kisses were passionate and hungry. His big, rough hands began to explore my body, rubbing and stroking and caressing every inch of me. He broke away from the kiss and buried his face in my neck, licking and nibbling and kissing. He was so close, I could feel the heat from his body, and I could smell the overpowering funk of stale sweat and reeking weed. It was so powerful I almost didn't notice my feet begin to ache and the pain in my lower back.

"What's...what's happening to me, bro?" I asked, my voice breaking. "I feel...I feel like...fuck, bro, it hurts!"

"You're changing, dude," Max replied, grinning. "It's the weed. You're finally becoming one with the bud."

"Fuck, bro, I can't hold back anymore," Max moaned. He reached down and began to stroke his giant cock, pre-cum pouring from the tip. It was easily 9 inches, and his massive balls were swollen and heavy with greasy, unwashed hair.

My feet continued to ache and burn as they stretched out, becoming bigger and broader. I could feel my bones shifting and rearranging, long tufts of sweaty hair sprouting out of my feet as they morphed into giant, hairy stumps. I couldn't believe it. The changes were getting more and more intense, and it was driving me wild. I felt like I was going to explode.

"I can't take it anymore," Max groaned, his voice a husky growl. " I have to make you mine."

Without hesitation, Max grabbed my shoulders and spun me around, pushing me face-first into my mattress. His hands were rough and strong, and he easily manhandled me.

"Holy fuck, dude, your ass, it's..." Max moaned, his voice filled with lust. "It's so fucking huge."

My ass was getting bigger and rounder, and it was stretching the seat of my boxer-briefs to the limits, and I felt a sharp, sudden pain as the fabric gave way and tore, leaving my huge, jiggly, fat, bubble butt exposed.

"I'm so horny, bro" Max moaned, his voice shaky and breathy, as my ass filled with greasy, oily stink, the air thick with the musk of unwashed flesh and reeking, unwashed funk.

"You're so hot, dude. It's so hot that you're getting stoned."

"What? Bro, that's not...wait!"

"Don't worry, dude, you'll get used to it. It's just the weed talking."

"No, wait, bro, you can't..." I moaned again as my legs began to push me taller, my thighs and calves widening and thickening. My feet swelled even more, filling to a size 13, and a sudden rush of heat swept over my body.

"Fuck, dude, you're so fucking hot, man," Max groaned, his voice thick with lust, rubbing my new, tick legs as dark, swirly hair began to sprout, quickly becoming matted with the sweat of hours upon hours of mindless smoking.

"Please, bro, stop," I moaned, as my body began to shake. "I can't take it, I'm gonna...I'm gonna cum."

"Dude, that's the whole point, bro," Max replied, his voice trembling. "Just relax, and let it happen. It's gonna feel so fucking good."

"It's too much," I moaned, my cock throbbing and pulsing. "It's too intense."

"I know, dude, it's just the weed, bro. It'll feel better after you get used to it. Trust me."

I could feel the hair begin to creep onto my stomach and chest, quickly spreading and covering me in a layer of greasy, foul-smelling, sweaty body hair.

"Dude, are you seriously not feeling this, too?" I asked, my voice cracking. "Bro, I can't take it, please, just stop, it's too much."

"Dude, chill, you're fine," Max replied, flipping me back over and rubbing his hand over my new abs and thickening pecs. "Just enjoy the ride."

"Wait, no, I'm not...fuuuuck!"

The sensation was so intense, it was driving me wild. I could barely even think. My pecs were growing larger and heavier, and my nipples were swelling and darkening, the areolae growing thicker and hairier.

"Fuuuuuck, dude, you're so fucking sexy," Max groaned, grabbing a fistful of hair and giving it a sharp tug, making me moan with pleasure.

My cock was throbbing and leaking pre-cum, and I could feel the heat coming from it. My balls were swollen and heavy, and they were aching for release.

"Fuck, dude, I can't take it," Max moaned, his voice filled with desperation, shoving his face into my pit as they began to grow and deepen, quickly filling with rank, musky body odor. As he licked, my arms grew longer and wider, my biceps and triceps growing thicker and bulkier. My forearms became thicker and more defined, and my hands and fingers were getting bigger and beefier.

"Bro, it's so fucking good." Max's voice was muffled by my armpit, and I could feel his tongue lapping up the stale sweat and musk.

My arms were now completely covered in thick, greasy, matted hair, and the same was happening to my back, the swirly pattern spreading like a wildfire. My shoulders were growing larger and rounder, and I could feel the muscles shifting and rearranging.

"Please, dude, don't...I can't..."

"I can't stop, bro, you're so hot," Max moaned, his face buried in my pit. I could smell our odors mixing together as our muscular bodies writhed against each other, slick with sweat and the stinking smell of weed.

I was so turned on.

"You're so hot, bro," Max moaned, his pre-cum leaking all over the place.

"No, bro, what?" I moaned, my voice trembling. "I'm not a faggot."

"That's just the weed, dude," Max replied, his voice low and husky. "You're gonna love it."

"Please, no," I moaned, but I knew he was right. I was so turned on, and the weed was driving me wild as my neck and jaw began to fill out and widen, my Adam's apple growing into a large, meaty knob.

I moaned as my voice deepened, the vibrations reverberating through me, causing me to shiver, my speech becoming permanently relaxed, just like my roommate's.

"Fuck," Max groaned, going in for a slobbery, wet kiss, our body heat generating enough stink to make me gag.

My body was now covered in matted, swirly body hair, and it was growing thicker and greasier, the same thing happening to my chest. I could feel my pecs bulging even more as my face was being smothered in kisses and licks, my nose cracking into a previously-broken shape and the skin becoming rough and scarred.

"Oh, fuck, dude, you're so fucking hot," Max moaned, burying his face in my thick neck, his voice muffled by the hair.

"No, please, bro," I moaned, my voice cracking. "I can't take it, it's too much."

"You can do it, bro, just hold on a little longer," Max replied, his voice shaky.

My tongue grew thicker and longer, and it started to loll out of my mouth, my face cracking into model-level handsomeness. I was so turned on, and I couldn't take it anymore. My balls were throbbing and pulsing, and my cock was throbbing and pulsing.

"I'm gonna cum," I moaned, my voice deep and slow.

"Do it, bro," Max moaned, his voice trembling. "Do it, cum all over me, bro."

I felt his fingers run across my short hair, sending a shiver down my spine. My body was wracked with pleasure as I felt ropes of rancid, stinking cum shoot from my cock, splattering his chest and stomach. I couldn't control myself, I was moaning and groaning, the intense orgasm rocking my body, my new, masculine frame shaking and quivering.

With each rope, my bright green eyes became dimmer and dimmer, coloring grayer and grayer as all of my worries and stress flowed out of me, and I fell into a state of bliss, my cock still twitching and throbbing as the last change began. My hair grew longer and thicker, until it was a long, shaggy, dirty mess, and a fresh wave of fresh musk rose off me.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck," I moaned, my voice deep and slow, my tongue lolling out of my mouth.

"Fuck, dude, you're so fucking sexy," Max moaned, his voice cracking. "I can't believe it, dude. You're, like, totally a stoner now, bro."

"Haha, yeah man...wait bro, haven't I always been?" I looked at myself in the dingy dorm mirror, and realized I looked like a dumb, stoned idiot. My voice was deeper, and my accent was different. My hair was messy and unwashed, and my skin was tanned. My pecs were massive and my abs were rock hard. My cock was huge and throbbing. My feet were hairy and stinky. I had a huge, round, bubble butt.

I laughed a deep, airy chuckle.

"That's right" Max said, staring into my dull eyes. He seemed like the hottest man I had ever laid eyes on until I realized.

"I love you, dude." Max giggled.

"Yeah man, I love you, too" I slurred, leaning in for a sloppy kiss, my tongue probing his mouth, the taste of weed and sweat overwhelming. He returned the favor, and soon, we were a mess of sloppy, stoner kisses, our thick, stubbly chins rubbing together, the sound of slurping and licking filling the room.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck," I groaned, the kiss ending, both of us breathing heavy and panting, a mixture of spit dripping from our chins. "That was, like, totally amazing, dude."

"Fuck, yeah, bro, it was fucking awesome," Max groaned, his voice trembling. "I've been waiting for this for, like, ever, bro. It's fucking crazy."

"Yeah, dude, totally," I replied, staring at his gorgeous, masculine features. His big, thick arms, his perfect washboard abs, his massive pecs, and his perfect, handsome face. He was fucking hot, and he was all mine.

[hoshifighting]

latino!mingyu

WARNINGS: smut, latino life, im jus kidding (ou não também), mentions of alcohol, flipping the cap before kissing you, fingering, oral, dirty talk, hair pulling, public-teasing, public-make out.

if nobody said it, i will. MINGYU LATINO!!! mingyu who, no matter where he is, somehow finds a reason to grab a beer, and yeah, it's gotta be ice cold. “wanna pilsen, babe?” he’s already tossing one your way before you can answer. like, let’s be real here, this man drinks anything that remotely resembles beer. pilsen, brahma, skol, corona? he’s down. anything to cool off that tanned, toned-ass body of his after playing fútbol/futebol/soccer, anyways, for way too long just ‘cause he knows you’re watching. and when that shirt comes off? goddamn, everybody in the surroundings is drooling. mingyu knows it too, that cocky grin spreading across his face, and you're just trying to act normal. but it’s impossible when the man is literally glowing under the scorching sun.

he danced at his cousin’s quinceanera/festa de 15. of course, he did. he’s that hot cousin, the one all the aunties fawn over, talking about how he’s grown up so well, while the guys on the block are salty ‘cause their girls won’t stop staring when he's shirtless walking in havaianas flip-flops. he’s out there, not giving a damn, smiling, swaying his hips to reggaeton with you, and trust—he’s glued to your ass like you owe him something. or clapping his hands and asking you to dance samba with him. you roll your eyes, but you’re lowkey hyped up by his attention. that man is always hyping you up, calling you “amor/cariño/gatinha/mama/bebe” like it’s a full-time job.

every party, every gathering, someone’s got him dancing with their cousin, their sister, their aunt even (and he’s good at it).

mingyu who comes to your ear, whispering dirty things, just to see you getting all wet. “you look so fuckin’ good tonight, mama. can’t wait to get you back home and ruin that dress.”

he says it like it’s a casual thing, with that smirk of his. the kinda smirk that says he knows you’re weak for him, the way you flush when he so much as drags his fingers up your arm. and he’s not wrong. you could play it off cool, but he’s already in your head, already got you thinking about what’s gonna happen later.

mingyu who's skin is so damn hot, like he’s a human furnace, and you swear it’s impossible to cuddle with him for too long without needing a breather. the dude radiates heat like no one else, and even though you love the way he wraps around you—those big arms pulling you tight, holding you like he’s never gonna let go—there’s always that moment where you’re like, “okay, I need to cool the fuck down before I melt into a puddle.” and he always laughs about it, gives you that lazy smile while you’re fanning yourself, like, “what? too hot to handle?”

but the thing is, it’s not just about the heat. there’s something else in the way mingyu touches u, like he’s always trying to get as close as possible. sometimes, he has no shame in it—like when he gets that look in his eyes, and next thing you know, he’s got you pinned against a random house on the street, his mouth crashing into yours. tongue and tongue and tongue, his lips moving against yours like he’s starving for you. his hands? they’re everywhere—flying down to grab your ass, squeezing like he owns it, pulling you closer, so you can feel just how bad he wants you.

and oh my god, when he turns his cap backward before kissing you? dead. you know it's coming—the way he runs a hand through his hair, then flips that hat around. it’s such a small move, but fuck, it drives you insane every time. like he’s gearing up for something more, and you know that look means he’s about to ruin you in the best way possible. no warning, he just dives in, lips pressing hard, tongue slipping inside your mouth, claiming you. he kisses like it’s his job—wet, messy, and so fucking good you lose yourself in it every time.

then there’s mingyu in bed. and the man’s got skills 😭, and he knows it. when he’s behind you, hands in your hair, pulling just enough to make your back arch, it’s game over. you’re a mess, and he’s thriving off it, low growls escaping him as he fucks you from behind, his hips slamming into yours with that steady, unforgiving rhythm. he’s so into it—one hand gripping your hair, the other on your waist, guiding you, pulling you back onto him. and he doesn’t just pull your hair like it’s a casual thing—oh no. he pulls it slow, but then suddenly he yanks harder as if he's silently telling you “this is mine. you’re mine.”

and don’t even get started on his fingers. mingyu’s got the best fingers, and he knows exactly how to use them. whether it’s slow and teasing, dragging it out until u’re practically begging, or fast and rough, working you up until you can barely think straight—he’s a pro at this shit. sometimes, he’ll have u spread out, fingers deep inside you, curling them, head bobbing as he sucks your clit. and he watches you fall apart under his touch? it’s like he’s studying every reaction, committing it to memory so he can wreck you even harder next time.

but the dirtiest thing about mingyu? it’s the way he talks when you’re in public and trying to keep it together. you know the type—when you’re at dinner or out with friends, and you’re trying to be normal, trying to focus on the conversation, but mingyu’s sitting next to u, whispering the filthiest shit in your ear. his voice is low, just for you, and no one else at the table has a clue what’s going on.

“bet you’re so fuckin’ wet for me right now, aren’t you, baby? can feel how bad you want it.”

and he says it all casual, like he’s not making you clench your thighs together under the table, trying to keep from giving yourself away. but he knows, and he’s not letting up. his hand brushes your leg under the table, fingertips barely grazing your thigh, and your heart’s pounding because you know what he’s doing.

“if i slid my hand up your skirt right now, you’d be soaked. don’t lie, mama. i can see it in your eyes.”

and it’s so fucking hard not to react, not to moan right then and there. but you can’t. you won’t. because you're in public, surrounded by people, and the last thing you need is to let everyone in on the fact that mingyu’s got you trembling in your seat. but he loves it, loves seeing you try to hold it together, that smug grin playing on his lips as he watches you squirm. “gonna take you home later,” he whispers, breath hot against your ear, “will make you cream on my cock, make you scream my name. don’t think you’ll be so quiet then.”

it’s all you can do to keep breathing, to keep pretending like you’re fine when, really, all you want is for mingyu to make good on every dirty promise he’s whispered in your ear. and you know he will.

[deadghosy]

Can you do more Hazbin Hotel x enderman reader? I'm obsessed with it. I love the idea.

Credit to the person who made the art, this is just how I imagine Enderman!reader to look like as a human. 🦆✨

MORE HAZBIN HOTEL X ENDERMAN! READER IMAGINES/HEACANNONS

imagine how reader is when they get pissed…they would just straight up punching shit just like the Enderman hits you in Minecraft 😭

I Imagine Charlie trying to make you do a eye contest with Alastor only for you to start tweaking and punch Alastor into a wall as Alastor only gives up a thumbs up while you sweatdrop putting on your blindfold as you try to pull out Alastor from the wall

I headcannon reader to always pat everyone’s head when they are at their full height. But at 6’5 they just pat their back like “good job buddy😐✨”

Imagine Lucifer and you wearing matching shirts that say, “if lost return to big boy” as your shirt says “I lost big boy”

Headcannon that Angel is your cuddle buddy because he likes how your arm is basically a pillow for you. And husk is your second cuddle buddy because of his fur and you like to pet him.

I imagine Angel trying to make you wear pink only for it to turn black when it fits your body. Angel gave you a “🤨 are you fuckin serious?” Look as you just shrugged with a “😐” face. I mean shit, if it fits. It fits.

I headcannon Enderman!Reader’s suit to be like the art but instead of those black things on it. It’s just slight purple sparkles on it to represent the purple pixels around them.

But definitely their second fit is a black vest and a white dress shirt with black slacks and black dress shoes. 🤨☝🏾 W FIT YOU GOTTA ADMIT!

Yk how Angel made that Snapchat post about you and you got death threats? Yeah well Valentino was the reason as he got mad that Angel “wasn’t paying” you as you were just working on the hotel

I imagine Enderman! Reader to be black coded just like how the art is above as the reader’s hair is always in dreads, cornrows, and twists. But never in an Afro state as it takes time to get the hair nice and soft (coming from a black writer….it literally takes an hour…)

I imagine you once teleported during your cuddle session between husk and angel. They were so confused they even searched your room only to find out you teleported on the top roof of the hotel during your sleep.

I imagine Valentino at least trying to ambush you to see why Angel is so happy to come to the hotel to see you again. Only for you to teleport out of his view every second. And the moth dude is like “shit! He’s onto me…” but really you are just bored asf and need some fresh air from the hotel air.

I can see nifty just minding her business when you lifted her up and croaked softly petting her head and sitting her down.

I headcannon Enderman! Reader’s room to be built from those block in the end so reader can feel the presence of his home in the hotel💗🦆

I imagine Velvette actually getting able to like post you on her fashion account as a mysterious person with your blindfolded looks. The girls dig for guys who seem mysterious.

Imagine Lucifer and you making each other building hobbies, like he makes you build him a duck as he makes you a sleeping mask just incase you don’t want to stare at someone’s face without your blindfold.

Headcannon on how fat nuggets like to cuddle against reader’s legs as reader was making a bed for fat nuggets to have a heater installed if the pig is cold.

Like…bro IMAGINE READER BENG SO PISSED THEY SUMMON THE MOTHER OF ALL…THE GUARDIAN OF THE END…THE ENDER DRAGONNN (dun x3 dramatically) maybe they would summon that during the battle between the angels and absolutely destroy their asses

I headcannon Angel once seen your mouth glowing purple when you unhinged your jaw to screech. He definitely asked before checking out your mouth which he could see in the back was glowing.

Since I headcannon enderman! Reader is black coded. They have a bonnet that was shipped from Velvette as they put it on and felt more comfortable sleeping ‼️💗

Who would be the first one to respond to you calling them: Lucifer, Charlie, Angel dust, husk, nifty, Alastor. And specifically in that order 🦆

I headcannon for Vox to try to always have you on his night show so he can show off his new “guest” being a new specie of demons.

I imagine sinners asking what ring (7 deadly sins) you came from and you are just like. “The end….i came from the end..” and now they are more confused than you when they asked where you came from

I headcannon reader’s nickemame is like, “ENDY, tall one, handsome, [actual nickname], weirdo, cutie, dad, fucker, bestie.” You can imagine who called you who which is kinda obvious…

I imagine Adam to make a lot jokes about you saying how freaky you are and how weird you are for not liking eye contact without your blindfold as you just stand there like “what’s for dinner…😐”

I can see you showing the egg boiz a picture of a ender dragon egg making them think they can have someone like them but also just like you

I can see you just standing there as everyone argues in the court because Charlie wanted you there since you don’t seem like a demon or angel. She tried to get answers but no one knew what you were.

Imagine modern au! Angel dust and you do tiktoks….because Angel dust forced you to be in his tiktoks as the others just watch trying to enjoy their summer vacation

I can see Adam hating how you aren’t pressed about what he says about you as you just stand there ignoring him.

Imagine you being sick and everyone stopping to make sure you are okay. (except for Alastor as he knows you will be better soon) Like the whole crew just starts to baby you and try to fix things you can fix but only fail.

Imagine reader with a baby ender dragon as a pet as reader whistle for the dragon to land on their shoulder or appear more bigger for it to protect you and the crew

I headcannon reader’s singing voice to sound decent with a little bit of deepness in it to mask out some things.

I imagine your full form if you were a demon or angel obviously an ender dragon lol 🦆

Imagine Pentious just pure on slithering around your body as you just sit down after a rough day of complaining by residents and their rooms.

I headcannon Lucifer to get on your shoulders to feel bigger for fun which make it seem so cartoony as one has a derpy smile while the other has a thumbs up and a “😐” face just staring blankly into people’s soul

[cyber333angel]

a few people wanted the drabble of sitting on jjs face so here it is!

your boyfriend had been away on a pogue adventure all day leaving you alone in your shared apartment. needy for him but not having him here to help you release, you tried everything from your small hands (which couldn’t do the job, not like jj’s calloused and rough hands which gets you in all the right spots) to the little pink bullet vibrator jj keeps in a drawer when he plays with you(only climaxing when he has his dick buried deep inside of you holding the vibrator to your clit). none of it was doing what you really needed it to do like your jj so you text him. moving your panties to the side and taking a selfie of your painfully wet cunt you text him, “want you home jayj..” with an attachment.

jj’s phone pings in his back pocket, taking it out he sees a message from you“hooooly fuck..woah..uh guys there’s like a family emergency back home like—a car crash a terrible terrible crash so imma dip and we can “reconcile” this like tomorrow, yeah?” the pogues look at him with a disgusted face, and john b speaks up, “ew dude, we know it’s your girlfriend. you better come back tomorrow we have a lea—oh whatever.” he stops talking, seeing jj put on his helmet and get on his bike, starting the gear. about 10 minutes later jj bust through the door to see you in silk but slightly sheer pink, nightgown.

he basically pounces on you right then and there. grabbing your head and kissing you deeply, exchanging saliva from the both of your tongues. jj pulls back “babycakes you can’t send me something like that and..wear something like this. it’s bad for my heart im telling ya.” you giggle at his deprivation, taking your hands and lifting your skirt up you show him your exposed cunt. “s’achey down there jayj.. need you to make me cum!” wet slick dripping down your thigh, jj almost throttles “oh jesus..you drive me fucking crazy.” he grabs you from the waist, hoisting you up on his shoulder and runs into your shared bedroom. making out with you he lays his head down on the pillow, grabbing you to straddle his chest. “get on top sweet girl, if y’re so needy you can ride my face.” you whimper at the suggestion and shake your head frantically. “jayj I cant do that! what if I suffocate you!” he rolls his eyes “baby the best way to die would honestly be in between-“ you cover his mouth with your hands preventing him from finishing the embarrassing sentence. “okay okay! ill do it.”

“atta girl.” you get closer to jj’s face, thighs hovering over him as you grip the headboard. “papa your face is gonna get messy!” he gets impatient with your excuses “that’s just fine sweet cheeks, but this not what mean-“ he grabs your thighs and pulls you down to mouth, mumbling “dis is what I meant.” you shiver at the contact, jj thrusts his tongue up into your cunt, slurping at your juices. “y’always taste so fuckin delicious baby..fuck.” he moves to your sensitive bud sucking knit gently and rolling it in his mouth “angh, jj your makin me feel s-so good, oh god!” he hooks his arm from under your thigh and starts rubbing your clit, sticking his tongue back into your pulsing hole. “go on princess, try to grind that sweet pussy on my tongue.” you grip the headboard, helping your balance to move your lower body forward and backwards in a slow pace. “mmmh it feels so good papa! oh your gonna make me cum!” you hear the squelches of your needy cunt and you clench around jj’s tongue. grinding yourself across his face to climax, your clit stroking on him. “f-fuck papa..s’good..” you mind going blank from the intense climax, you twitch and hover off jj’s face falling on his chest. jj sits up grabbing you by the shoulders to hug you, seeing the wet spot seethe through his pants. “well fuck babydoll..all your fussing made me cum too..shit.”

[skylarsblue]

✦Incorrect C.O.D Quotes, since AO3 is down✦

Gaz: I wanna know what exactly your type is. Y/N: I'm not just gonna give you more fodder to throw at me- Gaz: I have an idea of it already, but I want details! Y/N: No! Gaz: Like- König! Would you- Y/N: Of fuckin’ course I wanna fuck König! He’s huge, he could LITERALLY snap me in half and my dad didn’t love me, of course I want him to fuck me! Soap: *does that weird inhale-choke-cough*

— (Dick mention + a woman’s experience of a dude making gross comments. It’s funny I swear-) Fem!medic!Y/N: most of the time, people are pretty nice and sometimes impressed when when I bring up I’m a medical professional. Other times…eh.. Soap: Eh? Y/N: Sometimes you get conspiracy theorists. Soap: Ohhhh… Y/N: Some evangelists, gross dudes. Gaz: Gross dudes? What’s the worst you’ve heard? Ghost, sipping a whiskey: This outta be good. Y/N: Uh, once I told this man hitting on me I was a field doctor? He said, and I quote. “Been awhile since my last check up, mind checking me for ball cancer.” And I- Gaz: WHAT Soap: YOU’RE KIDDING Y/N: I am not. I just- I walked away. Price: Fuckin’ hell. Y/N: It’s fine. He got shot in the dick next mission, ended up with a male doctor. Ghost: Karma at its best.

- Graves: Oh FUCK YOU Y/N: Tsk, oooo…you don’t have enough money for that. Soap: HAHA!

- Soap, drunk: Back Street’s back, alright! Do do do do- Gaz, drunk on Price’ shoulders: Dodooodo- Price: Simon, get your boy. Ghost: *picking Soap up by his belt, carrying him like a bag* Yes sir.

- Recruit: When you gonna stop giving me blue balls? Gaz: Whoa hey!- Y/N: Aight, I got my steel toes on. How bout we make’em black and blue? Recruit: I- Y/N: Shut the fuck up. I’ve already turned you down, get a hint. Word of advice? Rather than shoot for the stars, maybe shoot your shot in your lower bracket, yeah? Recruit: Gaz: Someone get a fire extinguisher, this dudes been burned. Soap: On it. *sprays recruit with fire extinguisher*

- Soap: Nice onesie, does it come in men’s? Gaz, in his pyjamas: I think you cum enough in men for the all of us. Soap: ACK- Ghost: *slides out of the room*

- Ghost: Have you ever considered, just once, using your brain first? Soap: Now why would I do that?

- (Insert random name I HC for Laswell’s wife) Kate, after being in a bad explosion and ending up in this hospital: My wife, she’ll get upset if she sees you rubbing me like that on my chest. Diana: I am your wife. Kate …. Diana: :) Heart rate monitor: BEEPBEEPBEEPBE- Kate Hi. Diana: Hehe, hi. Gaz, in the corner: Oh to be in love. Soap: This is disgusting, why can’t I have this? >:,( Gaz: Cause your type in men is awful. Soap: Hey!

- Y/N: *walks into common room* Hello, I am very upset. I feel a meltdown coming on and you are all buff men, so I would like to request being picked up and held like a baby for a short period of time, please. Soap: Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you? Y/N: Nope. König: ….*slowly approaches and picks Y/N up from under their arms* Y/N, clinging to him like a koala and hiding in his shoulder: Thank you, I appreciate you. König: *awkward back pat*

- König: :) Y/N: Bloopbloopbloopbloop- Horagi: Y/N! Y/N: What? Horagi: Tha-That is our colo-that is a dangerous man! Y/N: He’s not a dangerous man! Horagi: What are y- Y/N: We’re bloopin’! Bloopbloopbloop- König: -w-

- Price: Kid, I need you to- Gaz & Y/N: *dancing like they don’t have jobs to do* Gaz: Go stink! Y/N: Fuck it up! Gaz: Go stink! Y/N: Fuck it up! Gaz: Go stink! Y/N: That’s what’s up! Gaz: Go stink! Y/N: I’m in love! Price: AHEM Gaz: Oh shit- Y/N: HEEEYY captaaaaiinn, what’s uuupp ahaha… Price: *sigh*

- (Based on; Me if COD was real. Deadass. Full serious. I am not kidding) Gaz: So have you met the Captain yet? Y/N: No. Gaz: Are you nervous? Y/N: No no, I have a firm belief that they’re just people. Obviously I’ll respect him as a superior but that’s nnnnnnnnwho the hell is that? Y/N: *fucking breaking their neck* Gaz: Oh- Nope. No no, THAT is Captain. Don’t think about it. Y/N: I’m thinking about it. Gaz: That’s not allowed. Y/N: Ive done worse for less, if he asks I’m sucking it, you can’t stop me. Gaz: Jesus Bloody Christ- Y/N: Tell him to call me when he’s on leave. Gaz: Stop-

- König: *walks in* Ghost: ?? Soap: Oh, hey! Gaz: Y’a need somethi- König: *picks up Y/N under his arm while humming, leaving the room* König: I love stealing, I love taking things!~ Ghost: What the f-

- Colonel!König: I’m 42 so, I don’t- Y/N: YOU’RE 42?! Colonel!König: Yeah. Y/N: …it’s okay no one has to know babygirl~ König: NEIN! Nein, don’t call me babygirl!-

- (Based on this awful Gaz outfit I saw on Twitter) MILF!Y/N: *doing paperwork* Gaz: Would you date me? Y/N: Baby we couldn’t even get a drink together. You can’t buy me nothin. Gaz: What do you mean? :( Y/N: Look at your outfit! What are you wearing? Gaz: I think I look pretty fly. Y/N: For who, your mom? Gaz: :((

- Gaz: STOP DATING MY CAPTAIN Y/N: ….you know what, I’m gonna start dating him even harder. Gaz: What’s that supposed to mean? Y/N: You know what it means.

- MILF!Y/N: *shoving apple juice into a cart* They gon’ need nutrition. Laswell: How many kids do you have? MILF!Y/N: Eleven! Laswell: So I’m assuming your kids really like apple juice? MILF!Y/N: No but they looove orange juice but they’ve been bad this week. Laswell: What grade are your kids in? MILF!Y/N: Sixteenth grade. Laswell: PFFT Sixteenth- that’s not even a grade! So your kids graduated college? MILF!Y/N: No they, they- …where are my kids?

- (Her “kids” on the other side of the store) Price: Boys please- Gaz: I AM NOT LOSING! Soap, in a fuckin’ headlock with him: Yes you fuckin’ are!! Ghost: *slipping cookies under his mask, he did not pay for them* König: *looking for a fruity snack* Horagi: *grabbing as many packs of spicy chips as he can* Alejandro: This is a disgrace. *holding up frozen burritos* Rudy: These are worse. *motions to frozen tamales* Alex: Did you know you can use coke as rust remover? Farah: …and you want to drink it??

- Y/N: So. Kyle. Gaz, already afraid: …yes? Y/N: I found some of your old playlists… Gaz: Y/N: Gaz: Y/N: You an emo? Gaz: I was a SCENE as a teenager, get it right.

[bluecollarmcandtf]

My Found Family

I never grew up with the luxury of family. As an orphan, my childhood was lacking to say the least, and it left me jealous of any kid with caring fathers and siblings. That's why I had to find my family. Nobody's perfect, but with a little reconditioning, I've trained them to be exactly what I was looking for.

This guy is now my father...

"Breakfast is ready, boys!" I call, using my lower register like I'm supposed to, "Whoops! I mean bacon-fest!"

Guttural laughter comes from my stomach even though I don't find my joke that funny. Bad jokes like this have sort of become my personality lately. In fact, my whole life has transformed over the last couple days. A week ago, I would've never imagined myself strolling around my house in nothing but underwear and a robe! My standards for style seem to have vanished along with pretty much every other part of my old way of being.

It happened three days ago at a grocery store, when I ran into this guy in the produce section. He caught me examining avocados for ripeness and walked right up, beginning to talk like we'd known each other for years.

It was all a bit bizarre, but I found myself unable to turn away. He was explaining my life to myself. Well, not my life, but the one he wanted me to live, the one I was meant to live, and I hung on his every word. He was maybe six years younger than myself, but I was to be his new daddy. It was a role I was proud to fill.

"Here you are, son," I grin widely, unable to contain the feelings of pride I have as he walks into the room.

"Thanks, old man," he answers and grabs the plate gratefully.

For a moment, I stand there and stare. My heart beats for my boy as he tears apart the food I made for him. My paternal instincts have been working overtime lately. I can't help but love that boy with every fatherly fiber of my being.

It doesn't matter that I never wanted kids before. Previously, I'd wanted to remain a bachelor forever, but I have them now, and it couldn't feel more perfect.

With a content grin, I turn back to the sizzling bacon and think about my day. Things I used to hate were now what I looked forward to; mowing the lawn, washing the car, cleaning the gutters. I have a full day of work ahead of me to keep this house in tip top shape. Of course, I'll do it all with an ice cold beer in my hand. I never had a taste for the stuff, but my boy thinks I should grow a bit more of a gut.

I know what I say goes around here, but I could never say no to my favorite son...

I obviously have dad wrapped around my finger, but he's not the only member of this family. This next dude is my new big bro...

"Fuck yeah," I grunt and sniff up the ripe stench under my arm, "Smells like a real fuckin' man!"

I toss the barbell down, finishing a new personal record on the bench press and I couldn't feel more pumped. My tank top and sweat pants are drenched with sweat, but I love bein' a nasty gym rat: at least, I do now.

A week ago I was waiting tables at this fancy restaurant, when one of the customers got to talking with me. He was sitting alone and looked kinda sad, so I tried to be friendly and I'm sure glad I did! I got a whole new family out of it. He made me quit my job and move into this sweet place. Now I'm his big brother!

Of course, like all big bro's, I'm supposed to work out in the garage all day. I was never one for weights, but I couldn't imagine my life without them anymore. I like to push my limits and get all hot and sweaty. Then I march around the house flexing and farting all over the place. It's not the most refined thing in the world, but my bro explained to me how much I don't care about hygiene and all that crap.

"Wassup, little man," I call as he saunters in.

"Nothing much," he answers, staring at my arms while I show off my biceps.

"Alright, get out of my space. I'm tryin' to work out," I snarl, acting as tough as possible, "Do I need to wrestle you again to prove my point?"

I definitely didn't used to be like this. I used to be the most polite and approachable guy in the world, always chatting random people up, but that guy's gone. My bro got rid of him and his old family. This new family is the only one I'm interested in now, even if I'm not supposed to show it. I'm supposed to be muscular, rude, and gross. It's who I am now.

"Alright, I'll leave you to it," he replies, "You can wrestle me though."

"I will," I frown, flexing even harder, "And this time, I'll win!"

Whenever we wrestle, I always end up with the urge to let him win. It sucks because I could easily beat him, and I should put him in his place, but for some reason, I just know I have to let him win. He just deserves it I guess.

I give him an intense glare and then return to my weights. These arms aren't going to pump themselves...

My big bro always makes my legs quiver, but I love seeing how cocky he can get. Of course, he'll never out wrestle me no matter how big he gets. I programmed him to let me win. Just like I programmed the breadwinner of the bunch...

A short groan rumbles from my lips. For some reason, everything has been disappointing me lately: my sons, my husband, my job has all been leaving me grumpy and frustrated. Even the channels on the TV aggravate the living hell out of me. I have to fight the urge to chuck the remote across the room.

"How was your day, honey," my husband asks, walking into the room and handing me a beer.

"Great," I moan without any emotion.

Everything's been changing so fast lately, and I couldn't be more over it. I was married to my work, busting ass for years to get promotion after promotion, and I had a job I loved that paid extremely well. I couldn't be more happy, even if I was the only unmarried guy in the office. I didn't mind. I loved my bowling league and my solo trips to Vegas too much to settle down.

Then I met him, my son. Well, he wasn't my son at the time, but after talking, I quickly realized who he was and who I was to him. I'm the head of the household, the disciplinarian, the breadwinner. At least, that's who I've become.

"What's for dinner?" I grunt, peeling my eyes away from the TV.

Looking at my husband, odd feelings bubble up. I used to know him as my neighbor, a nice enough guy, but now I'm married to him. It all happened so fast. He's changed too recently, I think. The guy I knew a week ago would've never walked around all day in a robe and underwear.

His hand reaches out and holds my own, "Steak and potatoes if that's alright with you."

I grunt in agreement, turning back to the TV. My husband's presence stirs my cock to life, straining my member against my work slacks.

This is another new development.

Until now, I'd never had a gay bone in my body. In some ways, I still don't, but my son explained how I should feel about my husband. I should love him, I should be turned on by him, and I should get it on with him. He's right, I suppose.

"Hey, I could use a blow job before you get cooking," I gesture to the thick tent in my pants.

My husband pauses for a moment like he's unsure of what to do, but then it comes to him, "Of course, babe, but we need to be quiet. Both of our boys are home right now."

"Don't worry about it. If they walk in without knocking they'll get the belt," I snort as my husband gets on his knees in front of me.

"You shouldn't be so hard on-" before he can finish, I've shoved his face into my crotch.

Somehow, I know I can be rough with him, just like I can be rough with our sons. I'm the man of the house after all. Within seconds I'm grunting in pleasure while staring at the evening news broadcast. For some reason, I always find myself watching it and complaining about current events. It's just who I am now..

I grin, sneaking a peak at my two dad's going at it in the living room like the good little couple they are. My new family couldn't be more perfect, but no family is complete without the dog...

"Ruff!" I bark, gleefully scampering over to the bowl of food that was just placed on the floor.

Without hesitating, I shove my face into the bowl, sending the little pellets flying everywhere. They taste like cardboard, but for some reason, I can't get enough of them! I've done nothing but drool and whine for the last hour while the real humans eat their dinner at the table.

"That's a good boy," a voice coos, and I feel fingers running through the hair on my head.

I can barely acknowledge being petted. I know I'm supposed to act like a hungry animal right now, so that's what I do.

I would've never thought I'd find myself as a house pet, but a couple days ago, this guy just walked up to me and talked me into it. It'd just been a normal day for me, working at the car garage when he became my master. I knew right there and then that I had to drop to my hands and knees and follow him home with my tongue out.

My new life has been great ever since. My masters play ball with me outside, they hose me down when I get muddy, and they snuggle with me on the couch at night. I barely even miss my old work and fiance!

"Alright, boy," one of my master's commands, "That's enough. Get in here!"

It's the mean one. The one who used to own this house, but is now just a working dad. He's always the one who hits me with a newspaper when I drink from the toilet. I don't know why, but I just feel compelled to do it!

Licking the bowl clean, I abandon it and crawl into the living room. There, the entire family is gathered around the television.

I stop by the smelly one and sneak in a few licks. I love licking him because he's always salty with sweat and smells funny. After licking his feet for too long, he kicks me away, "Leave me alone, mutt!"

"Oh don't talk to him that way," the nice one adds.

I climb on the couch and curl up beside him. His belly is always the perfect cushion for my head to rest on, and he always lets me lick his beer bottle when he's done. Within a couple minutes, I'm drifting off as his hands absently play with my hair...

...sitting with my family at night is always my favorite part. Watching TV with my two dads, brother, and dog heals the child in me that had always yearned for this. Sure, it might be easier to just go to therapy, but this is sure as hell a lot more fun!

[jd07201990]

“Oh, come on Chuck! This’ll be my second time! You can’t keep forcing me to work another 40 years, just to make it to retirement and do it all again! It’s not yours or my fault that there aren’t enough young folk to take over our jobs! Hell, maybe if we paid a bit more, the few of them out there would apply!”

“It’s Lieutenant Roth, Billy. Now go change out of that equipment and take a shower. Whatever this remote does to strip away all those years, it sure does leave a young man ripe!”

“Don’t call me Billy! I haven’t been Billy in 30 years! Its Bill Damn it! And how am I supposed to explain this, again! to David?! You know he’s not into, well… this!”

“Put your shirt down Billy and quit your complaining. We’re doing something different this time, changing things up, trying something new. See, we couldn’t afford to pay higher wages all these years, because we’ve been stashing extra money away, for a new program. This remote can do a lot more than just wipe away years, Billy. The company has a whole app-store full of features, but they cost a hell of a lot. We only had enough for 2 new features, and we think it’ll really help solve this town’s aging population issue.”

“Wha… what the hell are you saying? What do you mean, something new?! Chuck, dude… you’re seriously starting to crack! What the fuck does any of this have to do with David?! And who is, “We”?!”

“I’m only going to tell you this once, son. It’s Lieutenant Roth. Now, I guess there’s no beating around the bush with you young-bloods. So I’ll get right to it. “We” is me, the Governor, and the Town Board. We investigated every possible fix, and it comes down to this. All the youth are moving out in droves, going to college, or fleeing to the city for excitement, leaving us aging folk to do the hard work around town. With the remote able to take years off a person, we’ve decided that all our current retirees, in every department, will be regressed, and the new feature we purchased will ensure you all follow your new, youthful instincts, providing us with a full generational bump in population.

You will be the hot-blooded virile stud you were way back in the day; you remember? Except this time, just as David isn’t attracted to this prime of your life look, YOU won’t be attracted to David, or any man for that matter. You see, we need all the help we can get, so with this little app, you’ll be chasing pretty women, and will certainly end up settling down, once one of them catches. Ah, by the look on your face, you know exactly what I mean.

Good, because you and the rest of the retirees are going to have your hands full, working these jobs getting paid just enough for a double-wide and a truck, leaving a trail of gals before you settle in with one, and have a whole mess of kids. "

“Ch… Lieutenant, sir… Wha… you’re insane dude! Fuckin’ totally cracked! You hear yourself! You can’t do this! I can’t be… I can’t chase… I don’t… don’t like…. Fuck… fuck dude… what the fuck are you doing?! Quit pointin’ that shit at me bro! My.. my head!”

“Don’t worry son, I’ll let you off the hook for all that mouthing off. It’s got to be rough having your brain completely flipped inside out, dumped out and filled with everything you need to be a, productive, member of society. Isn’t that right Billy?”

“Wha.. Oh, hey Lieutenant! So uh, is it ok if I head off to the showers and hit the road? Kind of a slow night huh sir? If it’d be alright, I want to go down to the Strip and hit the bar. The dudes and I figured we’d start the weekend early, ya know? Gotta get get some tail on lock before the storms hit. Thinkin’ I might run into Becka too, you know, from Thornton Stables? God she’d look real pretty, all knocked up good n’ proper!”

“Oh alright son. Go ahead, take the night off. But you’re on call. Got it! One or two beers, maybe a shot, take some cash and buy the lass one of those fruity drinks, and you treat her like a lady, young man. Got it?”

“Got it Dude! I mean Lieutenant! I’ll make a lady outa her yet! Thanks for the money too! Ya know how rough it is on the town’s wages! Although you and the Board seem to be doin’ alright. I hope I can get to where you are, Sir!”

“Don’t worry Billy, you’ve got a good 40 years or so to work your way up! Go have fun tonight!”

[intheshadowsbehindyou]

hiiii! Can I request all mercs w/ somebody who doesn’t talk due to self consciousness, but to an extreme? Like smbody who only says a few words a month and talks rly quiet.

if you need to choose specific mercs, either medic, sniper, or Engi <3

/p

(Some) TF2 Mercs and a semi silent S/O

Warning: Medic. Just Medic in general honestly.

—————————-

Engineer:

- To be honest, he has no idea how to cope with this at first and he’s rather thrilled to meet somebody like this. Engineer talks people’s ears off when they’re willing to listen and you’re no exception. Your silence makes his flood gates of pointless information open up and one could easily mistake him for Scout in this moment.

- Uhhh… Why aren’t you responding to his theory on black holes? Eh, who cares. He stops talking after a while and you watch him scribble calculations on a small sticky note mindlessly. He doesn’t seem too offended by it. He’s more than happy to sit in somebody’s presence quietly all night.

- Engineer starts to notice after a while that you just.. RARELY talk at all. Not that it bugs him much, but he starts to suspect some sort of trauma disorder.. Or something along those lines. His mind is going crazy with possibilities as to why but ultimately never asks out of worry he’ll erode something you left behind in the past.

- Prolonged and completely dead silent eye contact is rather easy for you with him. Even if this doesn’t naturally come easily. You can’t make out any eyes behind those dark goggles of his. Oddly comforting.

- You swore you caught a smug smile creep up on his face a bit when you finally do say something. As if he was thinking ‘AHA! I knew my charisma would pay off eventually.’ This gotcha moment for him makes his ego massively inflate. This is Engineer. What do you expect? He knows he’s smart, and always plays his cards right. Manipulative bastard.

—————————————————————————

Sniper:

- Notices you’re starting to hang out with him more in a window he likes to camp at. He properly identified you as a fellow introvert from the start. Your mutism is noted, your presence is noted.. and rudely fucking ignored.

- Sniper doesn’t typically find anybody too interesting. Yes, even those who are quiet. He’s not a people person by any means, and only feels intrigue rarely. I guess you were that rare person evidently. He never even looks your way even ONCE as you sit there with him, but today was different. You saw his attention divert momentarily.

- “At least Y/N doesn’t fuckin’ talk my ears off like a bloody nonce trying to proclaim his innocence to a brick wall. You wanna know who drives me the LEAST insane in this bin? People like them. People who don’t talk their arses off and instead focus on a clean shot. Focus on the bloody job.”

- Next, you find an extra cup of coffee on the table in the nest that morning. It’s clearly not meant for him and you’re the only person who sits with him. He doesn’t even look at you as you pick it up.

- Begins to become slightly irritated when you break routine and don’t show up. Starts grumpily asking around for you and you notice this quite quickly. Dude has completely let his emotions clear to you and he’s oblivious to it. The reason you were absent that day is because you needed extra bed rest. (Existence is tiring.)

- You wake up to find him sitting at the edge of your bed reading a fucking newspaper. Yes, i’m not even joking. He’s so angry at you for not showing up that he decided to show up for you.

————————————————————————-

Medic:

- Medic doesn’t.. Process empathy/compassion like most people do. I’ve alluded to this before. He is very, very bad with emotions. For some reason your silence bugs him in a certain way. It worries him slightly, and he REALLY doesn’t like it. Especially since he can’t exactly ask the cause of it. He wouldn’t get a clear response back. Or just get shrugged off and assured it was nothing.

- You sit at the opposite side of his desk and hang out with him every night. Your sleep schedule had been recently fucked. Medic doesn’t even try to tell you to go to bed or school you on a night’s rest like he would everyone else. Instead when he’s not writing, he taps his pencil on the desk and stares at you… menacingly. Is he judging you?! He narrows his eyes. He’s definitely judging you. He has to be. Right?

- Indirect and awkward staring contest for a fucking hour. You begin to grow nervous because it’s like he’s trying to fucking beam thoughts directly into your head telepathically. It looks like he’s trying to use the fucking force to choke you. What the hell is going on through his head? Was he thinking about gutting you like he’s expressed for pretty much everyone else?!

- Stops staring to get up and use his coffee machine. Comes back and continues staring. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON??!?!

[itsmarsss]

Scandalous (Blitzø x Fem!Succubus!Reader x Stolas) [Helluva Boss] pt. 4 - Immediate Murder Professionals

How the mighty do fall. (Getting into a weird three-way situation with an imp and a succubus isn't exactly considered classy, Stolas)

Blitzø just might be stupid.

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3 | pt. 4 | pt. 5 | 1st bonus | pt. 6 | pt. 7 | pt. 8 | pt. 9 | 2nd bonus

Word Count: 2,340

Warnings: eh, mentions of sex only i think. also stolas is newly separated so he's trying this new thing called flirting. yes i'm a firm believer that stolas is naturally so weirdly flirty he could make a succubus flustered no questions asked.

“...and then I yelled ‘sorry I fucked your husband’ and just kinda… left.” 

Everyone was gathered around the big table in the meeting room at I.M.P., per Blitzø’s request. Well, he didn’t request it, per se- it was something more along the lines of yelling “Anyone who’s not a whiny bitch follow me, I got something to show you” and everyone just sort of complying. 

He had been on and on in excruciating detail about how he’d up and stolen whatever it was he wanted to show you. He had yet to show you a thing.

“Oh wow. You are an idiot,” you state.

“And why is that, witch bitch?”

“You stole from a Goetia prince?”

“Yeah I did. And I looked sexy doing it.”

“What did you even wanna steal so bad?” Millie asks.

“Oh-ho-ho. You’re not even fuckin’ ready. None of you are even fucking ready.” He slams a big, heavy book on the desk. You inspect it, trying to figure out why he would go out of his way, in a borderline suicidal quest, to steal a book. Your eyes widen when you realize you know exactly what it is. 

“You stole from STOLAS?” He had to be fucking- wait. “Wait, you fucked Stolas?” 

“What how’d you know it was him?”

“It’s- it’s his Grimoire. That’s what this is isn’t it?”

“Yup. And with this,” he explains to the others, since apparently you already knew of it, “we’ll be able to go up to the living world and kill any human we’re paid to kill.”

“That- that’s- Blitzø this is insane. And I don’t mean good insane. I mean batshit crazy insane.”

“How do you even know what this is?”

“I- I used to see him a lot. You know. Ozzie stuff. They’re always in meetings. I didn’t- I’m really having trouble believing he acted like that-”

“What, like a needy bitch in heat?” Blitzø cuts you off.

You feel yourself get flustered at the implication, not managing to finish whatever you had been about to say. 

“Oh my fucking Satan, Blitz,” Loona lets out a groan, frustrated at what she was hearing, which is fair. It’s enough to prompt her to leave the room entirely, assumingly to her seat at the front desk. 

“Sir, you need to give this back.” Moxxie pushes the book across the table back to him.

“What? After everything I had to go through to get it? No way!”

“No, Mox is right. Stolas is nice, but he’s still, like, one of the most powerful demons down here, dude. And this is- this is next level doing him wrong. You didn’t just steal from him, you played with his feelings too. That’s so much worse.”

“Feelings? Come on! So we’re all ganging up on Blitzo now, are we?” You all cringed a bit whenever he used his own given name. It felt weird and just totally… wrong, considering how adamant he always was about correcting everyone else when it came to it, but, to be fair, he didn’t really seem to notice when he did it. He just happened to absentmindedly call himself that sometimes when he was feeling criticized, which… well, you weren’t sure if you wanted to unpack whatever that meant. He keeps on. “I’m sorry I worry about us having jobs and money to pay rent and food to feed ourselves!”

“Blitz that’s not-” Millie starts, but gets cut off by Loona, who walks back into the room. “Guys, there’s an… owl… guy… thing… looking for Blitz out there.”

Oh, shit.

“We’re gonna die,” Moxxie mutters under his breath, starting to chant it over and over again, eyes almost popping out of his head. Millie puts her arms around his shoulders and brings his head to her lap to try and calm him down, sending a death glare- much like yourself- towards Blitzø, who now looked like a deer in headlights, caught red-handed, apparently not expecting to be found that soon. 

“Uuuhhh, tell him I’m not here!”

“Already did, he said some weird shit about being able to smell you or whatever the fuck that was about. That guy’s a fucking freak.” Huh. Maybe Blitzø wasn’t lying.

“Uhhh fuck fuck fuck fuck, gotta think, gotta think,” Blitzø begins pacing in circles around the room.

“Well? What the fuck did you expect?”

“I didn’t think that far ahead, alright? Sue me.”

“Oh really? I could have sworn you had everything figured out!” 

His head shoots up and he points at you, completely ignoring your sarcasm. “You go talk to him!” 

“Me? This is your problem!”

“Our problem! You work here don’t you?”

“Blitz I swear to Satan.”

“Pleeeaaaase?” He tries making puppy eyes at you. It’s kind of bizarre, but not entirely useless. “You said you know him, he’ll probably be nicer to you. Maybe you can soften the blow. Ha. Blow.”

“If it doesn’t work I’m ratting you out and I’m not gonna feel bad about it.”

“Thank you thank you thank you, I’ll owe you one, now go!”

You let out a groan, making sure he hears it. You could not believe you were about to do this. Sure, let’s confront pissed-off demon royalty about something of theirs that you definitely have in your possession just in the next room. Nothing could possibly go wrong with that. “Can you tell him to go to your dad’s office, Loons?”

“Yeah whatever.”

You make your way out of the meeting room and into Blitzø’s office, which is… a sight to behold. There were horse drawings scattered everywhere around the room, figurines of Millie, Moxxie, and yourself on top of his desk (you didn’t even want to know), guns you knew definitely didn’t have their safety locks on just laying on various different surfaces. Yeah, it was all very on-brand. 

You sit down on his chair, getting barely a few seconds to prepare yourself for your talk with Stolas before he walks into the room.

Well, no, he doesn’t exactly walk in. He leans against the door frame, pulling a leg up and running a hand up it as he starts speaking, yet to take a look into the room. “For someone so remarkably sexy you are so hard to find, Bli- oh my!” He’s visibly startled when he finally makew eye contact with you, evidently having expected Blitzø to be the one in your place. Almost tripping over himself, he tries to pull himself together, fixing his posture and wiping non-existent dust off of his clothes as if to pretend he hadn’t just made a fool of himself. Stolas had always kept his composure around you whenever he went over to meet with Ozzie, so this behavior… it was definitely new. 

He clears his throat. “I’m sorry. I thought you were-”

You decide to save him the embarrassment. Or, well,  further embarrassment. “Your Highness! Hi.”

“Y/n.” He remembers your name. What, of course he remembers your name, dumbass! That’s completely normal. “You… Do you not work for Asmodeus anymore?”

“Not really. I’d been working there a long time. Wanted to try something new.”

“So you chose to work… here?” He motions around, and you couldn’t blame him. It didn’t look like the best place in Hell. And you supposed it did seem like an odd change in occupation. 

“We’re a work in progress.”

“Well, do you and Asmodeus still keep in touch? I recall you were quite good friends.”

“Yes! We still are. We still are. How have you been, uh, doing, your highness?” You ask, carefully. 

“Please, there is still no need to call me that.” Your interactions always went like this- you called him by his title, he insisted you call him by his name, and you always refused to. Strangely enough, you called him by his name when referring to him in conversation with Ozzie. 

But you don’t feel the need for all of that now. “Right, I’m sorry. Stolas.” 

“Well, I haven’t been doing quite so great, actually. I’m sure you’re aware why.”

You shut your eyes, taking a deep breath before opening them up again and forcing yourself to make eye contact with him, trying to stay collected. Play it cool. “I… might have an idea, yes.”

“You see, you have worked with Asmodeus for a long time. You’ve been around myself plenty, haven’t you, darling?”

Had he ever called you darling before? You’re positive he’s never, ever done that. 

Chill, dumbass! It’s just a fancy people thing. No big deal. “Yes.”

“Yes, so you know how crucial my Grimoire is for my purpose in the Ars Goetia, don’t you?” He speaks to you in an almost condescending manner. You almost feel insulted. Did his voice always sound like that?

“Yes.”

“Perfect. So I suppose you understand why I would be very upset when I came to find out your friend, Blitzy, stole such a sacred artifact from me.”

“I understand.”

“My Grimoire contains spells that are meant for mine and, in the future, my daughter’s use only, and it would simply be a scandal if it fell into the hands of itty bitty imps such as yourselves.” Okay, he was definitely being condescending now. Why was it kind of hot? It was definitely hot. 

What the fuck.

“Uhhhhh-”

“It makes things so much worse that he simply hurt my feelings! After a night of such passionate fornication, you could only imagine my surprise when I came to find out the book had been missing! Had I not known better I would have sworn it had been deceiving work of someone like yourself.”

“Like myself?”

“You are a succubus, aren’t you, dear?” He tilts his head to the side as if what he meant had been obvious. And it probably had- you’d just read too much into it. Was what Blitzø had told you about what happened getting to your head or something?

“Ooookay. Uh. I’m really- I’m really sorry about… all of that. Uh. Wow. Uh that really is a lot huh? I’m just gonna… I’m just gonna go call Blitz now and you guys can talk it out maybe. That fine for you? Fantastic. Good talk, Stolas!”

You slip past him and out of the office, catching your breath before going back into the meeting room to call Blitzø and let him handle the situation. What the actual fuck was that?

[. . .]

“So?” Millie questions Blitzø as he enters the meeting room again after a good half hour. Everyone follows, looking at him expectantly. 

He pauses, for dramatic effect. “Guess who just founded the first human-killing business in Hell?”

“What?” You ask, incredulous.

“I’m sorry sir are you saying the Prince is letting us use his spell book?”

“You heard it, Mox.”

“H-how?”

“Well I’m gonna have to dick him down every full moon but I guess that’s a good trade.”

The room goes silent. 

Moxie breaks the silence first. “Uhh, what?”

“What?”

“What’s that about the full moon?”

“Oh well. Well, apparently I’m a fantastic fucking lay, just unforgettable. So all I gotta do to have the book is give it back to him every full moon and then fuck him into oblivion and we’re good to go.”

“And you’re sure you’re fine with that?” You ask him, carefully. 

“Well yeah? It’s fucking great! We get the book AND I get to fuck a Prince into submission every once in a while? Couldn’t be better.”

You’re not that sure about it, but what was the point in arguing with him? You shrug. “If you say so.”

“And he’s just… fine with that?” Moxxie questions, not buying it.

“What, you think I’d lie?”

“Yeah,” everyone replies, without hesitation.

“Well I’m not!”

“Well shit. Your dick must be good.” Well, that wasn’t supposed to come out.

He grins. “Ya wanna find out?”

You stare at him, unamused, for a second, locking eyes with Moxxie soon after. 

“You deserved that,” Moxxie points out.

“Yeah I regretted it as soon I said it.”

“You really should have seen it coming,” Blitzø himself adds.He grabs the Grimoire, bringing everyone’s attention to it. “So. Aren’t y’all curious? I know I wanna know what the human realm is like.”

“It’s really not that different from here,” you tell him.

“Oh yeah, I forget you’ve been there before. What do you guys even do there?”

“Uuuhhh.”

“They fuck people to death, Mills, ain’t that cool?”

“Oh shut up you know that hardly ever happens anymore.”

“But’cha could.”

You sigh, knowing he just wanted to hear that he was right. You give him a little smile. “But I could.” 

“Hell yeah!” It was always weirdly nice that he thought that part of what you were was cool rather than being disgusted by it.  “Should we go take a look?”

“How’d ya even work this thing?” Millie asks, examining the book in Blitzø’s hands.

“Fuck if I know.”

“You didn’t ask him?” Loona asks.

“Not really.”

“I’m not even-” she rolls her eyes. “Gimme that” Snatching the book from him and going through the pages for a bit, she stops in a particular one, attempting a few times to read some words from it. Fair enough, a portal leading… somewhere… appears. You’d have to put a pin on that for later and ask her how she knew what to do, but right now everyone was too excited.

“Let’s go fuck some humans to death!” Blitzø exclaims.

“No.” You say sternly.

“Let’s go fuck some humans?” He tries again.

“Sir! No!” Moxxie yells, disgusted.

“Let’s go kill some humans!”

“Hell yeah!” Millie finally agrees,

“Yeah! Wait why am I even listening to you guys, I’m the boss here!” 

“Sure thing Blitz.” You assure him, getting your foot through the portal. “You coming?”

Blitzø turns around. “Looney? You’re not killing anyone there. Got it? It’s too dangerous.”

“But that’s no fun!”

“Looney.”

“Fine.”

“Let’s go kill some humans then!” He shoves you into the portal, jumping through right after you. Jackass.

A/N: i did a lot of things different than i said id do lmao and i toned down the flirting from stolas to leave it for a different chapter hope this is fun it aint gonna be fun for v long luv yall

[sxtystrs]

bettel's lore is genuinely driving me fucking insane and i need more of it now. like what do you mean he isn't "gavis bettel", yet jerry, who was his "assistant" was supposed to be the one on the stage originally and not bettel himself. he completely hijacked someone else's "debut" and became "gavis bettel" — "gavis bettel is just a title, anyway." SIR. WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THATTT. it makes me think about how bettel took that by impulse. was he good at his job? was he good at things he does? do you think that's why he made a deal with phantom after all of it to become the best? is that why he's still here? like if he got kicked out and thrown out of ever place he tried to perform there was no way he was good enough to stay in the place he is now. like... i'm so sick? also does that mean jerry is haunting bettel? like? who else was sending the vhs tapes and practically threatening bettel on today's stream... "pay for your sins", and basically hurting everything bettel loves (bettelgoose, brian) in return because he took away the one thing jerry loved and wanted to do? i'm thinking of shit as i go but oh my fuckin god you're kidding me, dude. why did he just end stream after that. he dropped lore on us and didn't do anything else. ALSO... him retweeting that tweet he made on the 10th??

is he lying. is he telling the truth. i genuinely cannot fucking tell. maybe he is gavis bettel!

...

(LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER)

source for this insane rambling. i timestamped the part where the lore comes in.

[samandcolbyownme]

in the works of Sabrina carpenter please please please give me a Sam enemies to lovers fic

Warnings: strong language, mentions of weapons (guns, knives), injuries, dark business aesthetic, mentions of drugs, drinking, name calling, toxic relationship between reader and boyfriend, toxic actions, enemies to lovers, angsty, kissing

Word Count: 4.7k | unedited

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

Ever since day one, out of all of Geo’s employees, Sam was the one that got under your skin the most.

He was an asshole. Always had something to say, and it was usually never anything good, or nice. Mostly snobby and eye roll provoking.

He’s been with Geo since he started this whole thing.

All of you sat pretty on piles of money, you really only had to worry about two things - if a body needed to disappear and if the police were involved.

Geo owned a casino in Las Vegas, which was mainly party in the front and business in the back, behind closed doors of course.

People would come, pick up what they needed, paid, and left.

“Baby. Pass me that tray.” Geo reaches back and snaps his fingers, “Now please.”

You reach forward, grabbing the tray from the table and you hand it to him. He takes it and sets it down in front of him.

“You’re welcome.” You mumble as you go back to looking at your magazine.

“What was that?” He turns around, giving you a look and you shake your head, “Nothing, this mag-“

“Mhm.” He turns back around, talking with his associates as he rolls up a blunt, “So as I was saying..”

You take a deep breath, shaking your head as you flip to the next page. The door open and you look up, rolling your eyes when Sam walks through with Colby.

You avoid looking at him, but you listen in to what he’s saying, “Hey boss, Cartermen is outside, he wants to speak to you.”

“That fucker owes me money. Does he have it?” Geo leans back in his chair, staring at Sam and Sam shrugs, “I don’t know, I-“

“How the fuck don’t you fuckin’ know?” Geo scoffs, “Fuck, your job isn’t that hard.”

You glance at Sam, you did feel bad for how Geo treated him - sometimes.

Sam sighs, “He keeps saying that he won’t talk to anyone but you. I’ve asked hi- Colby and I both asked him if he has it and he refuses to speak.”

“Tell him if he doesn’t have my money, he’s a dead man walking.” Geo laughs, “What’s the main rule when working with me, baby?”

“Geo always gets paid.” You look at him and he points his thumb towards you, “Now with that, go back out there, and tell him if he comes in here, I’ll have to call Lowen and I don’t want to have to wake him up at this hour.”

“Yes, boss.” Sam gives you one last glance and you give him a disgusted look before looking back at your magazine.

You hear the door click shut and Geo goes back to talking to the men across from him.

Not even a minute later, there’s commotion outside and a bang on the door.

“God fucking damn, don’t they know I’m in a fuckin’ meeting?” Geo grumbles as he gets up. As he walks over to the door, it flings open and Geo lays his hand on the gun being held to his body by his belt, “What the fuck!?”

“You can’t-“ Colby grabs Cartermen, “Dude. You really shouldn’t be in here.”

“You better be here to deliver my money.” Geo walks over to him, grabbing his collar, “Do you have my money?”

The look on the guys face goes cold as he leans in, “Just fuckin’ kill me, Geo.” He glances towards you, “You and that slut over there can both go. To. Hell.”

Geo doesn’t even bother sticking up for you, but that’s nothing normal. You’ve been in the game long enough to know that you just brush it off.

“The fuck did you just say? I’m not getting my money? Is that what I heard.” Geo tilts his head and Cartermen laughs, “Yeah. That’s basically what I fuckin’ said.”

You lay your magazine down, getting ready to duck and cover if things go south.

“I don’t think you need to do this here, boss. Want us to take him to the-“ Colby is cut off by Sam, “If you’re saying that because she’s in here, she knows she’ll see shit like this.”

“Ignore her. She’s nothing in this situation right now.” Geo shakes his head, pulling his gun out to rest it under Cartermen’s chin, “I’m going to ask you.. one more time.. where is my-“

“Fuck y-“

You hear the tunk of the silenced gun go off and Sam and Colby let his body drop to the ground.

You swallow, tensing up as Geo turns towards you, “Call Lowen. I can’t deal with him right now.” Geo tucks his gun back into his jeans and sits back down.

You grab your phone and dial Lowen, leaning back on the couch as the line rings.

“This better be fucking good.”

“There’s a body for you. Back office of the Royale.” You look up at the ceiling, “Sam and Colby are on, they can help.”

“Be there in twenty.”

The line clicks and you look over, “He’ll be here in twenty.”

Sam scoffs, “Why the hell would you say I’ll help? I have to go collect a payment from Mr. Moore, y/n.”

“Um..” you tilt your head, “Because you’re here, Sam? You do realize that you have more than one job, right?”

Sam rolls his eyes and looks at Geo, “Do you want me to-“

“Do whatever you want, Golbach. I have to figure this out with them. Like I’ve been trying to do for an hour now.” Geo lights up the blunt and takes a drag, “Take y/n home. She doesn’t need to be here.”

Sam smirks as he watches your face drop. You stand up, walking up behind Geo, “Baby, I can st-“

“Home. Now.” Geo brushes your hands off of his shoulders and you tilt your head, “Will you be home tonight?”

“Probably, I don’t fucking know, just go.”

You grab your bag from the couch and walk over to the door, not giving Sam another look.

“Make sure Moore has my money. If not, you know what you need to do. Colby, you can help Lowen.” Geo gives the orders and Sam walks out, closing the door behind him.

He looks at you and shakes his head, “You better not bitch the whole way home.”

“Even better, I won’t say a goddamn word.” You watch as he walks past you before you follow him out the back of the casino.

Sam walks around and gets in the drivers seat, starting the car while you get in to sit beside him.

You furrow your brows, “My house is that way.” You point, to the right as he turns left, and he keeps his stare straight, “Thought you weren’t going to speak?”

“Well, when I’m going someplace other than home, I’m not just going to sit here and let it fucking happen? I’m not dumb.”

“I never said you were.” Sam glances at you and you roll your eyes, “If you’re taking me with to get this money, I’m staying in the car.”

“I expected that.”

“What’s your problem?” You look at Sam, “Like, seriously? Why are you such an asshole?”

“Because I have to be.”

“You have to be?” You scoff, “Not really, but okay. Cool.” You shake your head and look out the window, “I just..” you laugh, “I just want to know what I did to deserve you always giving me a snarky or bullshit remark.”

He shrugs, “I don’t have an answer for that.”

“Liar.”

Sam stops the car abruptly, causing you to jolt forward, “Sam. What the fuck?”

“You can call me anything you want, y/n. Okay? But let’s get one thing straight.” He stares into your eyes, “I’m not a fucking liar.”

You just stare back at him, “Next time, you don’t have to almost cause an accident to try and prove yourself to me.” You unbuckle to unlock your seatbelt and click it back into the buckle.

“I’m not a liar.”

“Okay, Sam.” You nod, “You’re not a liar, but you’re still an asshole.”

He doesn’t say anything. He just starts driving, and soon, after an achingly silent ride, you arrive to the Moore business and Sam goes inside.

You’ve been on pick ups like this before, so you weren’t really nervous, but your nervousness was peaked when Sam didn’t come out after a certain amount of time.

You were anxiously bouncing your leg, looking all around for anyone who might approach the car.

You knew that wirh being Geo’s girl, people would get desperate and potentially use you as way to get out of paying. That hasn’t happened, and you were grateful, but it still sat in the back of your mind.

You let out a sigh of relief when you see Sam come out with a bag.

He gets in, tossing it in the back and he immediately starts driving again.

“Did it go okay?” You ask, looking over at him.

He nods, “Yeah, fine.”

“Okay. Good.”

“Why do you care?”

“I just.. you didn’t come out within the time you normally do.. I just didn’t know if-“

Sam cuts you off, “You were worried about me?” He chuckles, glancing over at you, “Weren’t you?”

“No, I just, didn’t want to jump the gun and call Geo or anything, you know.. I seem to be causing a lot of issues lately.” You raise your brows and sigh, “I don’t know how.”

After a few minutes of silence, Sam breaks it, “It’s not you.”

You nod, “Mm.”

“He’s just, under a lot right now, trying to get this new business deal going. And Cartermen coming in the way he did. He’s just stressed.”

“So, what you’re saying is, fuck my feelings? I need to suck it up?” You laugh, “Figures.”

“No. No. That’s not..” he sighs, “Nevermind.”

“No, what?”

“No, you don’t want to listen so.” Sam pulls into your driveway, driving up the circle to the walkway to the door, “You’re home.”

“I see that.” You reach down to grab your bag, “Thanks.” You go to reach for the door but Sam grabs your arm.

You look at his hand and up at his face, pulling your arm away, “What?”

“Geo is good to you, right?”

You furrow your brows, “Why would you even ask something like that? Yeah, he’s fine. We’re fine.”

He nods, “okay.”

You get out, slamming the door shut before you walk up to the door. You push your door open and glance back, watching Sam leave your driveway.

Why would Sam ask me something like that?

You shake away the thought and take a deep breath, thinking about how, yeah, he’s good to you. But, sometimes he can raise his voice at you, or he can throw his dinner plate when he gets a bad phone call and you’re the one stuck cleaning up the broken shards of glass.

Or to where you’re silently crying in the bathroom because he comes home and ignores you like you aren’t even there, and then have to pull it together when he’s ready for bed and wants you.

But the good, outweighs the bad.. right?

You’re snapped from your thoughts as your phone rings. You take it out of your bag and answer, “Hey baby. Sam just dropped me off.”

“He texted me. Just wanted to make sure, I should be home by eight tonight, hopefully no later. This deal is on the verge of going through so.” Geo sighs, “I’ll tell you about it tonight. Have dinner ready by seven thirty, Sam, Colby, and Maurice are coming over to celebrate so make sure you set three extra places.”

“Sounds good. Anything in particular you want, baby?”

“Whatever, just make it good. I gotta go. Love you, baby.”

“I love you.”

The line beeps and you take a deep breath as you check the time.

04:36pm

You set your stuff down and walk to the kitchen, getting out the good plates and taking them to the table, along with the matching silverware.

You set out a glass of whiskey and three glasses by Geo’s place at the table, and go to the kitchen to start dinner.

As soon as you set the last dish of food on the table, the door swings open, chatter and laughter following through as Geo and the guys walk in.

“Y/n, this place smells so good.” Colby walks up to you, glancing behind you at the table, “You did good.” He smiles at you and shrugs off his jacket.

Sam doesn’t say a word to you. He just walks over and sits down next to Colby.

Geo walks up to you, “Baby, this is Maurice. He’s agreed to partner with us, do you know what this means?”

You shrug, “No, but I would love for you to tell me.” You smile and Geo slings his arm around your shoulder, pulling you in to kiss your temple, “More money, my love.”

He motions to Maurice, “Maur, this is y/n.”

“Pleasure to meet you.” You smile and shake his hand. He nods, “Please, the pleasure is all mine.” He looks around, “You have a beautiful home, G.”

“Thank you, sir. Please.” He spins around and motions to the chair next to him, “Have a seat, I’ll pour us all a drink.”

Geo sits down and you walk down to your end of the table, sitting there in silence while they talk about the deal.

If you left, you didn’t think anyone would notice, but unbeknownst to you, Sam would be the first to notice.

“Baby, baby.” Geo motions for you and you get up, walking down to his chair. He pulls you onto his lap and shakes his head, “Where would you like to go on vacation?”

“Vacation? Can we do that now?”

“I didn’t ask for you to pick apart the question, y/n.” Geo laughs, “I asked you to pick a place.”

You glance at Sam and he raises his brows. You look back at Geo, “I’ve always wanted to visit Tahiti.”

“Tahiti it is.” He raises his glass, along with the other three and as soon as he downs his drink, you’re nudged off his lap.

You walk back to your chair and sit down to finish your dinner.

After dinner, when it’s all quiet and just the two of you, Geo walks up behind you while you’re doing the dishes, “Did you really have to do that in front of Maurice?”

“I’m sorry.” You glance back at him as you’re rinsing the bubbles off of the glass.

“Why can’t you just answer the questions I ask you with out analyzing everything?”

“I think you’ve had enough to drink, baby.” You swallow because you know that was the flame to the fuse.

“What did you just say?”

You can feel his eyes in the back of your head, “Turn around and look at me.”

You turn the water off and spin around, “I said, I think you’ve had enough to drink, G.”

He smiles, but it wasn’t a regular smile, “You don’t..” he shakes his head while he laughs, “You don’t get to tell me what I’ve had enough of. Alright? Who makes the money in this relationship?”

“You do.”

“Huh? Sorry, couldn’t hear through the mumbling.”

“You do.” You speak up, looking right at him, “You make the money, okay? And I’m sorry that I pick apart each question you ask, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

He nods, finishing his glass before abruptly throwing it against the wall, “Today was a good day.” He shakes his head, “And I’m going to go to bed before it’s tainted anymore.”

You nod, walking up to peck his cheek, “Goodnight.”

You turn to grab a bag and some paper towels before you walk over and start picking up the glass shards.

You glance over your shoulder, seeing him walk away and once you look back at the ground, you feel the tears start to run down your cheeks. You quickly wipe them away on your shoulder and lay the glass on the towel in the bag.

As you’re picking up the shards, a piece scratches the palm of your hand and you wince, watching the blood drip to the floor before you get up and walk to the sink.

You hold it under cool water, letting out a sigh before turning off the water. You fix up your hand and finish cleaning up the glass and turn to walk into the living room.

You stop, instantly hiding your hand behind you when when you see Sam standing outside the sliding glass door.

You walk over, unlocking it and sliding it open, “What do you want?” You whisper, looking up at him, “Geo is upstairs. He went to bed.”

“I’m not here to see him.”

“There’s no one else here so-“

“Would you stop that?” He shakes his head, “You always act like people don’t want to see you, too.”

“They usually don’t. They’re always here for Geo.” You step outside, keeping your hand hid behind you.

Sam furrows his brows and he points, “What’s wrong with your hand?” You shake your head, “Nothing, why?”

“Why are you hiding it?” Sam crosses his arms and you sigh, “I dropped a glass, a piece got my palm while I was putting it into the bag, it’s nothing, Sam.” You look at him, “Is this why you’re here? To check on my hands?”

“No, I’m here to check on you.”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you?” He tilts his head, “I saw the way he treated you at dinner, and I just..”

He stops and you furrow your brows, “You just.. what?”

He shakes his head, “Nothing. You clearly seem fine, so I’m just going to go before he wakes up and has an issue with me.”

“Wait, Sam.”

He holds his hand up as he continues to walk away. You huff, “Fine. Continue to be a fucking asshole.”

He spins around, “That’s all I’ll ever be, right?”

He turns back, leaving you alone on the patio. You stand there for a few seconds, looking up at the sky before Geo coming down the steps catches your attention.

You walk back in and turn around, “Can’t sleep?”

“Come to bed, baby.” He holds his hand out and you swallow, walking over to him to take his hand with yours.

“What happened?” He holds your bandaged hand up and looks at you, and you shake your head, “Nothing.”

“Baby.” He gives you a look and you sigh, “A piece of glass cut my hand, but really. Baby. It’s nothing.” You point to the stairs, “Let’s go to bed.”

You hated how on and off he was, but at the end of the day, you really had no way out of this, no where to go.

You change into your pajamas. Walking over to lay down on the bed, facing away from Geo. He crawls into bed behind you, liquor still heavy on his breath as he presses a kiss to your cheek, “Goodnight, my love.”

“Goodnight.” You stare at the wall, breathing steadily as your mind is too wired to settle down.

All you can think of is why Sam would show up, and then leave like he did.

Did he care about you?

You knew those questions would go unanswered, so you just shoved them to the back of your mind and forced yourself to sleep.

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

You stayed home the next day, you didn’t really do much.

You watched a few movies, made lunch for you and Geo, but you ended up eating alone because he never came home. He called, telling you that Lowen had to get called in, so he won’t be home.

You didn’t mind. After last nights escapades, you needed time for yourself.

It was settling in around six o’clock and you heard a car pulling up into the driveway. You ordered dinner, so you expect that to be the car you heard, but everything shifted when the front door slammed open and Geo came walking towards you.

“What the fuck have you been telling people?”

“Wh- nothing, baby. I haven’t talked to anyone.” You shake your head, “What happened?”

Your heart felt like it was about to beat out of your chest, “Geo, baby.” You reach out for him but he slaps your hand away, “One of my employees, told me I was being too hard on you.”

He laughs, “Which is actually fucking bullshit because if I wanted do be hard on you, I’d put you out on your ass.”

“I haven’t said anything, really. I-I don’t know why they would even say something like that.. you treat me the best anyone has.”

“Cut the bullshit.” He stares at you, “If anyone, I mean anyone says anything else to me about you not being treated right, I’ll make sure the lies they’re spreading around become true.” He raises his brows, “You hear me?”

You reach up, pushing your hands into his chest, “You’re scaring me..”

“Good. Maybe you’ll learn to act right.” He steps back, “Pointing to your hand, “Take off that bandage. It looks ridiculous.”

You snap, “Maybe I wouldn’t have cut my hand if you didn’t throw that fucking glass against the wall last night.”

He stares at you, slowly building up laughter, “So it’s my fault you’re clumsy?” He shakes his head, “It’s not my fault you don’t know how to do anything right.”

“Fuck you.” You go to walk towards the steps but he grabs you, slamming you against the wall, “What did you just say?”

“I said, fuck you. I’m done.”

“You’re not going anywhere.” He steps back, “I have to go back to work now, but I’ll be home about seven, seven thirty. If you leave, I’ll find you. Have dinner ready, and we can talk about this, okay?”

You knew what you were doing to do, so you just nod, “Okay.” You lick your lips, “Anything specific?”

He shakes his head, “Make whatever you want.” He pinches your chin, “I’ll be back.”

He walks away, giving you one last look before he closes the door

Instant panic.

Did Sam say something?

You slide down the wall and pull your phone from your pocket. You stare at the screen, unable to think about what to do.

Who do you call? You don’t really have anyone.

You dial Colby, shakily bringing the phone up to your ear as the line rings.

“What’s up?”

“C-Colby.. are you around Geo?”

“No, he left pretty pissed off, I don’t know about what. But, what’s up?”

“I-I-“ you break down into tears, followed by instant word vomit, “He’s mad because he thinks I’m telling people what happened here when I’m n-not..”

“What. Happened?” Colby asks slowly and you gasp for air, “H-he came home, screamed at me, threw me against the wall when I tried to leave and he said that if I left he-“ you lay your hand over your she’s, “Wou-would find me.”

“Are you okay?” Colby asks, “Really, he didn’t do anything else did he?”

“N-no.” You rest your head back against the wall, “I just didn’t know who else to call. Sam I think hates me, and I don’t know the others as well as you. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry, y/n. It’ll be okay. I promise.” Colby’s voice lowers and he speaks quickly, “Gotta go.”

He hangs up and you get a notification on your phone that your food was delivered. You can’t help but laugh through the tears.

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

Your eyes scan over the food on the table, watching it grow cold over time.

You dial Geo, again. No answer.

You set your phone down, getting up to reheat the food so it’s warm for when he finally comes home, and there’s a knock on the door.

You freeze, as it could be anyone, especially after what happened with Geo.

The knock happens again and you jump into the kitchen, pressing your back against the wall. You bring your phone up, and a text from Sam comes through, Open the door.

Your heart skips a beat and you run to the front door.

A part of you felt like this was a trick, but then another part hopes it was just him.

And it was.

You opened the door, gasping when you see a broken and bruised Sam puffing on a cigarette.

You gasp, “Oh my god, Sam.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know where else to go.”

You shake your head, watching as he flicks the done cigarette, “No, no. Come on.” You teach out, pulling him in, “What.. I don’t.. are you okay?”

He nods, “Minor injuries, y/n. I’m fine.” He goes to take his jacket off and you see a small puncture wound to his side. Your hand flies to it to add pressure, “This isn’t minor, Sam. What the fuck happened.”

He shakes his head and you sigh, “Come on.”

You lead him into the living room and help him sit down, “Don’t move.” You run upstairs to than any medical supplies you can find, and return back to Sam.

“This much hurt.” You tell him as you apply alcohol to a cotton pad, “I’m sorry.” You sit down next to him and he lays his arm over your thighs, his hand tightly gripping your hip as he groans.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I know.” You look down at him and back to his cut forehead, “Can I know what happened?”

He nods, watching as you grab a clean pad and add more alcohol, “I um..” he laughs slightly, wincing in pain, “You don’t have to worry about Geo hurting you anymore.”

You freeze, quickly pulling it together to continue taking care of Sam’s injuries. You don’t say anything, as you move to new cuts and scrapes. Cleaning the dried blood off of his skin.

“I thought you hated me.” You whisper as you apply a bandage to his forehead.

His thumb strokes your thigh, “I never hated you.”

You raise your brows, “Can you.. uh. Take off your shirt please.”

He nods, sitting up and you reach down to help him lift it up over his head, “Thanks.” He whispers, leaning back, “Fuck, now this is starting to hurt.”

“Do you want something?” You go to stand up but Sam stops you, “No, just.. stay here.”

You nod and grab clean gauze to lay over the wound to his side, “I suppose Colby told you?”

“I was right there when you called. I heard it all.” Sam groans lowly as you spray some antiseptic on his wound, “As soon as he walked back through the door, I just.. went at him.” Sam looks up at you, “I’ve always hated that motherfucker.”

“So then.. why keep the job?” You patch up his side and sit back, “You would have flourished somewhere else, right?”

He shrugs, “I mean, yeah, but.. I had my reasons to stay.”

You look down, cleaning up his knuckles, “Can you, um.. what were those reasons?” You look up at him, “I mean, you don’t have to tell me you can just-“

Sam leans in, his hand moving to hold the back of your neck as his lips plant on yours.

You’re taken aback by surprise, you never in a million years pictured this moment happening.

“Sam-“ you lean back and he speaks over you, “I did it all for love. For you.”

“W-wait..” you tilt your head, “Are you saying..”

“I love you. I’ve loved you since the first day I met you. I knew how treated you bad. I stayed to make sure you were okay because I know what kind of spot you were in..” he reaches up, “But you don’t have to worry about that anymore.”

Your eyes move between his and you shake your head, “I think, I love you, too.”

You lean in, closing the space between you two. Your lips move in a slow, heated exchange, and he rests his forehead on yours, “We gotta get out of here.”

You nod, “I know, where will we go?”

Sam smirks, chuckling slightly as he speaks, “Tahiti?”

You laugh, nodding as you lean back, “Yeah, I’ve always wanted to go there.” He runs his hand over your head and sighs, “I know. And I’ll take you.”

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

Thank you so much for reading! I love you all so much! I’ll catch you in the next one! 🖤

Likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated!

[to-thelakes]

my fuckin' limit

content warning(s); underage drinking, overdrinking, throwing up, reverse comfort, reader has hair long enough to be tied up, shitty friends, brief mention of parents arguing

summary; you get very drunk and lip has to come and take care of you, getting some answers on why you've been so off recently.

series masterlist

i should be doing promptober but i'm in a rough spot and this has been sat in my drafts for a good few weeks so enjoy this reverse comfort. i am still not 100% on this part but i think it's fine...? i just need to progress the story along because i literally have 4 more parts already written after this so, here you go!!

Chicks that hang around with you and don’t sleep with you, run the other way dude. Because she’s ready to stop playing and settle down.

Kev’s words had been playing around Lip’s head from the moment he said them earlier that morning to now as he drove the ice cream truck back home. The constant thoughts and questions only stopped when you called. He hadn’t expected to hear from you today.

“Hey, what’s up?” Lip asked as he answered and put the phone up to his ear. You let out a quiet sniffle over the phone and his eyebrows instantly furrowed.

“Think something’s wrong. Don’t feel good, need you,” You mumbled out. Your words were slightly slurred, you sounded so off. It was the middle of the goddamn day and he was sure that you had been drinking. Or maybe you were high. He couldn’t be sure over the phone and he felt the worry crawl into his chest. 

“Okay, where are you? What’s going on?” He asked. You sniffled more and blurted out the address. It was only a few blocks over so Lip was heading towards you - on foot - without a second thought. He kept you on the phone but you kept avoiding the question, not daring to tell him what was really wrong.

He wasn’t entirely sure why but he assumed you just felt stupid, so he let it go. Even if your words were slurred and you sounded out of it, he was hoping that you were otherwise okay. He needed you to be okay.

When he got to the front door of the address you’d given him, he saw you. You were leaning against the front of the house, legs pulled up to your chest and curled up, arms wrapped around yourself. The phone came down from your ear just as Lip climbed the stairs up. He knelt down next to you.

“Hey, hey,” He whispered softly, placing his hand on your bare leg. You were only in denim shorts and a short-sleeved shirt. The Chicago summer was not for the weak and you seemed to be doing a pretty shitty job handling it.

“Lip,” Your voice cracked as you moved to sit up. You reached out for his face and he watched you.

“What’s happened? What’s got you like this?” He asked. It definitely seemed like you were drunk. Maybe high too. But he knew you and you had never smoked weed. That was where you’d drawn the line in the sand, for now. Though he wasn’t sure how long that line was going to be intact for. Especially right now.

“You have really pretty eyes,” You stated as you unsteadily moved closer to him. You cupped his face with your hands, looking at him in a daze. He frowned. Your eyes were shining with unshed tears as you looked at him, admiring him.

“Princess, come on, what’s happened?” He asked. But before you got a chance to answer, the front door opened. One of your friends was standing there - Amy. She looked unimpressed, arms crossed over her chest. Well, to be completely honest, she looked pissed. Lip glared at her, “What the fuck did you do to her?” He asked, anger lacing his tone as he stood up. He gestured towards your figure, sat up against the edge of the house.

“She did this to herself,” Amy snapped back. The way her lip twitched made Lip want to throw a punch but he let out a ragged breath, huffing through his nose, and stepped back. He knew whatever your friend was saying was bullshit.

You were careful. You were careful with everything, cigarettes, alcohol, all that shit. You only drank when you wanted to and felt safe and you only smoked with Lip.

“What the fuck happened!?” He snapped.

“She drank too much and threw up all over the carpet. Need her to get the hell out of here,” Amy stated. Anger laced her every word. She looked almost disgusted. Lip scoffed.

“You’re a shitty friend,” He said before he returned back to your side. He slowly encouraged you to get to your feet, his arm wrapped around your waist to keep you supported. You leaned into him without a question.

“She’s the shitty friend. Trying getting that shit out of the carpet. Didn’t even have the decency to make it to the toilet,” Amy bit back as Lip guided you off the porch. He didn’t even give your ‘friend’ the dignity of a response or even a look. He didn’t know what to even say to that so he just stuck his middle finger up. Then he just guided you back to the Gallagher House hoping Fiona had a better idea of what the hell to do.

You couldn’t remember how you’d gotten to Lip’s house but when your eyes blinked open, you were in his bed. You still felt drunk. You could feel the alcohol sloshing in your stomach and you felt sick. Very very sick.

The sick was blurring your vision, alcohol making it hard to comprehend any thoughts past I’m in Lip’s room and I’m gonna be sick. You knew you needed to get out.

As you jumped off Lip’s bed, you didn’t even realise that anyone else was in the room. Your entire body was focused on beelining for the bathroom. It was mercifully empty and you slammed the door behind you, hurling up into the toilet bowl. 

Food came up but you weren’t entirely sure how. You didn’t eat before you went over to your friend’s and there hadn’t been any food at her place. So, you didn’t understand where it had come from. Though you were also too preoccupied with throwing it up and gagging on it to think about it too hard.

You desperately tried to keep your hair out of your face, sleep having made your loosely tied back ponytail fall out. You were gagging, eyes filled with tears and the room wouldn’t stop spinning. You started crying.

“Fuck,” You whimpered, searching your wrist for an elastic but finding it empty. You’d left it in Lip’s bed… “Fuck,” You whimpered again, cheek resting against the edge of the toilet. Your stomach was still sloshing, not quite stable. You still felt sick. You felt awful. Your bad day was just getting worse as the tears continued to fall silently down your cheeks.

The sound of your name and a knock against the door made your eyes squeeze shut. You didn’t want to think about him right now. Especially of all people. 

You loved him. 

God, you still loved him but you knew you were going to cry if he started talking about Karen. You couldn’t comfort him today.

“Go away, Lip,” You got out, regret and guilt seeping into every crevice of your being. You didn’t understand why the fuck you had done this, why you thought it was a good idea, why you ever started drinking at all.

Lip - in fact - did not go away and instead opened the bathroom door and walked inside. You were too hot and just as Lip came to sit down, the urge to throw up came back ten-fold. You gagged on air before turning your face in and throwing up into the toilet again.

You were gagging, tears still falling down your cheeks and you were trying to keep your hair out of the way but then you felt Lip’s hands on it. He held it back in a ponytail before slipping an elastic back on.

That made you want to cry more, gagging once or twice before your body seemed to be done. You rested your cheek against the toilet seat again, closing your eyes. You felt sick and far too hot, tears dripping down your cheeks.

“Feelin’ better?” He asked. You opened your eyes just enough to glare at him. He chuckled softly at you.

“How did I even get here?” You muttered as you let your eyes fall closed again.

“Called me,” He responded. You sighed and coughed again, the burning sensation on the back of your throat making you feel worse. You hated being sick. You hated that you were still drunk.

“Don’t remember doing that,” You mumbled.

“What happened?” He asked. You shrugged.

“Had too much,”

“No fuckin’ shit but why the fuck were you drinkin’? It was barely 4pm.”

“Not my idea.”

“You still fuckin’ drank.”

“Like you don’t drink all the time.”

“Yeah but I know my fuckin’ limits.”

“Fuck off.”

You two sat in silence then. The tension was thick and it made you feel worse. The anxiety churning your gut.

“Thank you for coming to get me,” You responded, opening your eyes to meet his gaze. He shrugged, blue eyes roving over your form. You looked like shit. He didn’t want to say that though.

“Not gonna leave you with your asshole friends so,” He shrugged. You rolled your eyes.

“Whatever,” You muttered as you let out a rough cough. You then finally lifted your head off the toilet seat. Being sick had definitely sobered you up but you could still feel the familiar buzz.

The connection between your mouth and your filter still partly eroded. You were trying so hard not to just blurt every thought that crossed your mind.

“She done? I need to piss,” Fiona asked, startling the both of you. You lifted your head up to take in the familiar form of the older Gallagher. You quickly scrambled to your feet, flushing away the sick before you wiped the corners of your mouth.

“Sorry,” You muttered. Fiona shrugged and ushered the two of you out without another word. You stared at Lip, rubbing the side of your face, “I’m sorry,” You said. He shrugged and gently reached out for your arm, pulling you in. He then walked you back to his room.

“Want to tell me what happened?” He asked.

You shook your head. There was a long moment of silence as Lip guided you onto his bed. It was too hot to go under the sheets, your skins sticky with sweat despite the fan that was on. The white noise was a good break from the deafening silence.

You didn’t expect it when Lip pulled you on top of him, guiding you to rest your head against his chest. His arms wrapping around your torso as you nuzzled into him. Usually, Lip was the one that sought comfort with you but it seemed to be the other way. His fingers moved to the nape of your neck, gently running his fingers across the skin making you shiver but also soothing you.

“My parent’s had an argument,” You let out after a beat of silence, “They were shouting at each other, like shouting shouting. Never heard either of them so angry,” You muttered as you moved one of your hands to curl underneath his back. Despite the heat of the day, sharing Lip’s body heat was oddly soothing, “I walked in and they instantly stopped, wouldn’t admit what was wrong and then my dad went to work early this morning and my mom has just been acting like everything is fine. I needed to get out of the house.” You finally let out. You felt so dumb talking to him about it. You and Lip talked, you always had, but to him, your life was perfect, your family was perfect.

You were the good part of living on the South Side. An oasis in a sea of shitty family and shitty people.

Now, you weren’t.

“I really don’t know what’s going to happen and I don’t like it. I love my mom and my dad and I don’t like them arguing and I’m terrified that they’re gonna break up or… or I don’t know. I can’t do that, Lip. Not right now,” You rambled, letting yourself rant a little. You hated it but when the words started they didn’t stop, “It’s been weird for weeks, I just- I dunno.”

Lip sighed and gently ran his fingers across your back and down your spine. His fingers slipped underneath the fabric of your t-shirt, delicately running his fingertips across the length of your spine.

“Want to stay here tonight?” He asked softly. You didn’t expect Lip to give you any advice but it would have been nice. He saw the way that your back deflated, his heart clenching but he tried to ignore that familiar sadness that settled into his stomach. You closed your eyes.

“Yeah, please,” You murmured.

If you were completely honest, you just wanted to forget everything. You wanted to hear Lip complain about Karen and Jody and help him if he wanted to scheme because that would mean you didn’t have to think about this, about how fucked up you felt. How you were sure your parents were going to get a divorce and you were in love with your best friend who wanted someone else. Who had got someone else pregnant, who had never even looked at you twice.

The tears started to fall despite yourself and you curled your head further into Lip’s chest as he softly ran his hands along your back. He didn’t say anything - not really sure what to say - but the way his hands moved and the way his free arm curled around you was his way of comforting you.

You hated it.

[amourtoken]

im gonna fuel the fire and just note that matt follows some women that do cosplay on insta so hes gotta be into it. i also saw a tweet from him saying he likes fishnets and thigh high socks. again just stopping by to plant some seeds…. *wink wink*🫢

He's literally a fucking degenerate (100% gooner status I'm right don't even fight me) like-

If you're one of those cosplayer twt/onlyfans models? He's subscribed on EVERYTHING. you caught his eye when you did a renne faire elf themed set of videos (he's a lotr dude ofc he's into elves) but you only got hotter to him the more of your content he watched.

He spends SO FUCKING MUCH on you, like actually. You have a tier of subscribers sat up to where they can request videos from you for a certain amount and he's always sending well over $100 each time to get some niche ass content. You love seeing his requests come through cause for one you know the pay is good but two, he makes sure to remind you how pretty you are and how much he appreciates you doing this for him. It's your job but you do feel a Lil different about him than the average subscriber yk? He's basically your virtual sugar daddy.

His last request sent your way was him basically BEGGING for you to have some fishnets and thigh highs on with whatever skimpy ass lingerie you wanted and your elf ears. He gave you some creative liberty but made sure to mention he'd really really really like for you to say his name a few times while you're bouncing on a toy for him. Who are you to deny him? You already whine and cry when you're fucking yourself to the thought of him on your own so why not indulge him on camera?

once you sent the finished product to him he was completely unreachable to anyone for fucking hourssss. The vid was on loop and he found new things to salivate over every time he watched it, first it was how your thighs looked in those tights then how your ass looked while you were riding your oversized bad dragon toy but he kept losing focus on all of that hearing you begging for him to fuck you harder and to let you cum, whining abt how good he feels and how much you love his cock. He could skip watching the video and just get off to hearing you moan his name and trust, he's done that a few times too.

He doesn't even stop stroking after he cums at this point his head is thrown back against the pillows in his bed and he's using the mess spilling over his knuckles as lube to keep fucking his fist. He can't get over you, he'd do fucking anything to have you for a night and fuck you how you deserve. He gets so needy he ends up just messaging you directly and thanking you again, telling you how many times he's gotten off to it and how good you are for him. You indulge and start thanking him for being so sweet all the time and you're rlly laying it on thick. He's texting you with his phone in one hand and dick in the other cause even your vanilla responses are going straight between his legs.

You're totally aware and decide to make it so much worse for him by sending a couple short videos playing w your pussy in a skirt and he's fuckin done for. He's cum so many times by now it just hurts to keep going but he feels like he literally can't stop. He needs more, and feels like it's risky to ask but fuck he can't help it.

"I know you're probably gonna say no but I just cannot fucking get enough of you and I'd love to take you out sometime. Show you a good time then fuck you right. Please?"

Normally you'd say absolutely no this is strictly business and that's creepy but it's matt yk? How could you say no?