#tbh its fairly dramatic lmao

[lonesuperhero]

Into a bag all of my memories of you went:

The hoodie I bought for you for your birthday, the one you wanted so badly to have because it was a collar between your favorite Youtubers, that I never got to send.

The blanket you gave me, that has long lost your scent, but if I shove my face deep enough I can pretend I still smell it.

The stuffed shark, punctured with the leaf earring you left at my house, which was supposed to be another gift for you because I knew you adored the ocean and all of its inhabitants.

The pony bead moon bracelet you made me, that I loved so much because I was apart of a trio, but more so, I was a part of a half. Your half.

The shark tooth necklace you bought for me on our first in person date. Because I had always wanted a shark tooth necklace.

Two doodle pages from the last time I would ever really see you. You doodled me, and then you doodled us. I made sure to wrap them in a plastic bag, for extra protection.

Into the bag all these items went. The many yet few items that reminded me of you.

Of course, the shoes were put into storage, somewhere separate, because somewhere in the back of my mind they are tainted.

Of course, the orange glass jellyfish, Azú the Aphmau sugar skull cat, and Borealis the dragon sit on my shelf, because they are too important to me, but more so as if they were my children. I could not simply hide them away.

Of course, my ring is looped through a chain, sitting in my bag, going everywhere that I may go. Because I can leave everything else behind, but there are times I feel the phantom sensation of metal on my index. And I have a moment of panic, wondering where I left my ring, why it was not on my finger, if I had lost it… and then i remember.

Sometimes, on the bad days, I wear it around my neck. It’s a nice little piece to my outfits, and air of mystery or curiosity is added to my presence. But really, it helps bring me peace.

I can part with everything except my ring. Maybe it’s some stupid hope. Maybe I subconsciously believe that if I keep it with me, everything will work out and we will be okay. I’m not quite sure.

But right now, I have placed almost all of the memories of you in a bag. And I have placed that bag in a trunk. And that trunk is placed in the attic, tucked away so that no one else may go through it. So that the memories are undisturbed. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to bring myself to throw them away, like other people do. Frankly I don’t want to throw them away…ever. But I’m content with leaving you there for now, maybe one day you can come out again.

But right now? I am going to have a drink and try to forget.

[sorry-mom-ive-sinned]

since we are hikakao posters brothers in arms i was curious to ask, a lot of scenarios for hikakao have kaoru fall in love first which makes sense, but what if it was hikaru? how do you think hikaru would act/do knowing he was in love with kaoru and would kaoru figure it out?

i like to entertaining the thought occasionally that even if kaoru were in love with hikaru also, he may try to turn his brother down because he knows it isn't a good thing for them to be together. it'd (probably) cause a lot of issues down the line and kaoru would probably feel like it would stunt hikaru's growth as a person, making him dependant on kaoru again...and to kaoru, that is a fate fuckin worse than death so he'd rather make himself (and by extension hikaru) miserable for this notion of "the greater good". but i ALSO like the idea of kaoru giving in and being "selfish" and accepting his brother's confession and furthering their relationship, but being guilt ridden and beating himself up for it later.

the fact i started this off asking about hikaru and it still became about kaoru....lmao

Okay so I definitely have a lot of throughts lol. Firstly, I like to think of Hikaru as not as oblivious as he may seem, especially not when it come to Kaoru. He doesnt understand/doesnt know how to deal with his own emotions, but he is like at least aware of them or that they exist. So if he fell in love first, I definitely think he'd hide it, and tbh hide it better than Kaoru would. Because I imagine Kaoru all in his head about it like "I can't bring my brother down with me I must try to hide this and preserve what we have I can't let these feelings show" all dramatic like which Hikaru would eventually figure out, while I imagine Hikaru is more "Huh. I'm in love with Kaoru, my brother. Probably shouldnt share this." then like. Just doesn't. I definitely don't see him having as much of an internal struggle about it and is able to act much more normally then Kaoru would.

Which is in part because I like to think that in Hikaru's mind, if they were like Together not much would change, so he thinks whats the point in causing unnecessary strife for Kaoru when he's fairly content with how things are. I think the main issue would be maybe more sexual feelings? But still I dont think he would have too much of an issue hiding those, since he's used to being physically close with Kaoru and is able to separate out his sexual feelings when its at inappropriate times. Wait actually I think the main issue would be genuinely deep signs of physical affection. I like to think Hikaru has a soft spot for hands, like he would want to just hold and fiddle with Kaoru's and stuff, and whenever Kaoru initiates hand holding in a genuine way he combusts a little lmao. And when Kaoru gets hurt ofc. Because he reacts in a way where he can barely contain himself with all his rampaging emotions, so I think in those moments is when it's the closest to being revealed, but Hikaru is too much of a mess to form coherent thoughts and words so it doesn't.

I don't think Kaoru would figure it out tbh, not only because I think Hikaru is fairly decent at hiding it (I say decent cause I think the host club would come to figure him out) but also because I like to think of Kaoru as a bit dense when it comes to things about himself too. Like even if he got an inkling, he'd be like "no theres no way why would you even think that about him" with a hidden "he wouldnt love me in that way i'm probably projecting".

And I completely agree with you about Kaoru either rejecting Hikaru if he confessed, or accepting "selfishly". They'd have a lot to work through whenever a confession happens. But tbh I like to think that any confession that happens is because of Kaoru's feelings. Either Kaoru himself tells him because hes bad at lying or its a heat of the moment type thing, or Hikaru picks up on it and confronts him about it. So as long as Kaoru is oblivious to his own feelings, nothing progresses on that front basically.

So lets say Hikaru has been pining since they joined the host club right (I chose this time because I like to think the more time they spend around others the more Hikaru comes to appreciate, crave, and love Kaoru's presence as someone he chooses to love, not just his identical twin thats his only companion) and Kaoru doesnt start realizing and having a crisis until their second year of highschool. I think on Hikaru's end he would notice Kaoru's feelings shortly after Kaoru himself does due to Kaoru not hiding things well (from Hikaru), then be conflicted if its right for Kaoru but trusts in the end that Kaoru will be honest if he talks about it with him (which he is wrong about, but he will be able to tell anyways because cmon they can read eachother like a book when their thinking clearly), and decides to give Kaoru some time to figure things out and come to terms with his feelings before he says anything.

Kaoru on the other hand realizes his feelings, then just "oh shit oh shit oh shit" and spirals. Thinking that Hikaru would never want this, he deserves better, as you said thinking it would make him dependent on him again and ruin all his growth. Ect. Not realizing that Hikaru realizes he loves him in this way Because of his growth and the more he grows rhe more he loves. But, Kaoru keep spiraling and then lowkey tries to push Hikaru away a bit. In a "it whats best for him" kinda way.

Then it all culminates with Hikaru confronting him like wtf why are you pushing me away. And they argue and Kaoru in the heat of the moment admits to his feelings, causing Hikaru to just. Lose it. Like hes yelling and laughing and pacing and rambling like "I cant believe it. You really think this? What is wrong with you, how could you ever think its best for me to be without you? You really haven't noticed? Its been years now of me being in love with you. And when I realized you felt the same way, because I picked up on it months ago by the way, I was so, so happy. I love you and you make me a better person. But if all I do is make you feel like this. Make you feel worse. Then maybe it wouldn't work out anyways." Like. Straight to the gut. Not really understanding that Kaoru is like mentally ill in ways Hikaru can't understand.

Then ofc Kaoru is like "You don't make me feel worse. You make me feel like I'm precious and like nothing else in the world matters more. And that fucking terrifys me. Because you deserve better than me holding you down. I want you to grow and be able to be happy without me. I feel like I tricked you into feeling like this. Its better that you become independent and find someone else thats better for you."

Then the response "Why do you think I would ever even want to be happy without you? Im not shackled by my feelings for you. You're not forcing or tricking me to do anything. You can't even trust me enough to know that I know my own emotions? I love you. I enjoy loving you. I choose to love you. I am my own person, and I have the autonomy to choose you. You can't decide for me whats best for me. Theres nothing you can do about how god damn much I care, and always have."

Then that leaving Kaoru in fucking shambles because that shatters literally everything his brain has been telling him for not just since he realized his feelings, but since he first discovered what guilt felt like.

I think things overall would probably go a bit smoother if Hikaru fell first tbh. Like it would one big confrontation putting everything out in the open, then slowly dealing with their issues to be better as partners from then on. Vs when Kaoru falls first I think of it as much more miscommunication takes place, because Kaoru is spiraling And Hikaru is confused, leading to more issues worked out over a long period of time, since Hikaru is too busy figuring out his own shit to correctly read Kaoru right away.

Anyways that became so long omg, I have so many thoughts on them rattling in my brain all the damn time. Tysm for the ask I love love love barfing up my thoughts about them. And especially this because i'm getting more and more interested in exploring Hikaru's side of it all, which I feel is a bit less.

[thebuttsmcgee]

slumped

[s1utspeare]

SLUTSPEARE PROUDLY PRESENTS............. THE WILLIAM WATCHLIST

brought to you by the WCU (William Cinematic Universe)

a.k.a. i'm watching william chan's filmography so you don't have to

will be updated once new william things come out! also i will not finish all of the shows on this list bc William has a........... questionable history (but i love him), so for shows i have seen at least three (3) episodes, even if I haven’t finished them fully.

THE ONLY FILM I WAS UNABLE TO FIND A COPY OF was Ex (2010), which makes me really sad. I looked for AGES and couldn't even find a DVD version (I had to get Beauty on Duty, Hi Fidelity, and Lost in Wrestling on DVD). I found a super grainy one with Indonesian subs, but that was all, so if anyone has a link to Eng subs, let me know! I also could not find Extinguished (2018), but that's a minute-long short film so I don't feel as bad.

very special thanks to @jockvillagersonly​ and @psychic-waffles​, who not only let me liveblog these films to them, but also partook in some of them with me. i love you both and hate that we did this.

anyway! in order of creation year:

Overheard (2007)

Baby’s first movie!!!! Awwww!!! This one was a pretty good one tbh, and for William’s first acting role he actually got a fairly big part! I was very proud of him and also squealed every time he was onscreen bc he was really cute

The basic premise is that a team of cops are listening in on this rich dude’s life to see if he’s embezzling, and they overhear him say that there’s gonna be a big rise in the stock market. Three of the team really need money, so they essentially put all of their savings into this stock, and then the market crashes, so they have to figure out how to get their money back, which embroils them in some sketchy shit

William is a baby detective!! He’s also cheating with one of the detective’s girlfriends lmao. My favorite part was that he fell asleep at a table and some dudes stole his key card to break into the server room and his boss was just like “again bitch?” And William was just like 🥺

OVERALL RATING: 6/10. Pretty decent action film, and while I didn’t like the ending, it was a good movie overall.

WILLIAM RATING: 7/10 off to a strong start babes!! He was adorable in this and I love him to death

Trick or Cheat (2009)

There is........... quite a lot happening in this movie. Basically, a 24-year-old William is playing a thirteen year-old William who is the head of a middle school dance team, and all of his team members are dumb as fuck. so the principal is like “WILLIAM AND HIT CANTOPOP STAR GEM!!!! YOU MUST MAKE SURE YOUR TEAM GETS As ON THE HIGH SCHOOL ENTRANCE EXAMS OR YOU CAN’T DO YOUR END-OF-YEAR PERFORMANCE” and william and GEM are like “fuck that” and the team is like “are you going to help us study” and they’re like “no we’re going to help you cheat” and then they do

the cheating involves secret radios, farting in morse code and gassing the test building, and being possessed by foreigners including a recently-deceased (at the time) Heath Ledger, and I am honestly not sure if that is Rude or not. That’s not even most of the movie though, bc most of the movie is halfway-almost-not-quite gay, including a semi-accurate lesbian love confession that turns into a surprise incest plot at the end. 

also they do a musical about garbage and william plays a battery that has a very dramatic two-minute break-dancing solo and then dies

OVERALL RATING: 4/10. the story is bananas, the humor is pretty middle school, and it really just has no follow through on like any of it. also the acting is........... there’s only one really convincing acting scene and its when the dude gets possessed by heath ledger

WILLIAM RATING: honestly like a 4/10. they gave him basically no lines bc he had to practice his battery dance too hard, but he was there (and taller than everybody else) for most of it. mans could not keep a straight face tho

Seven 2 One (2009)

after the disaster that was Trick or Cheat, i wasn’t expecting a whole lot from William’s other big 2009 hit, but I was delightfully surprised by Seven 2 One actually! It follows the story of seven different people’s whose lives are all fundamentally altered in one moment, and the movie flashes back on their histories so that we can see how they all ended up there. 

It’s not the most original premise, but it was well-written, and the twists were just enough that it was interesting to see how the lives of each of the people were woven into one another. also there are some lesbians that scam everyone and it’s great. william is homophobic and then dies. love wins

OVERALL RATING: I’d actually give this one a 7/10! While it wasn’t the most original storyline and didn’t have super endearing characters, I was entertained enough and invested in seeing how we got to the One that I was pretty caught up in the whole thing 

WILLIAM RATING: 5/10. He’s only in it at the very beginning and at the end, but he’s sort of a lynchpin for the entire plot. Also he makes some good faces, and the lesbians call him cringe, so that’s nice. 

G-Force (2009)

YEAH HERE’S A FUCKING BIT OF FORBIDDEN WILLIAM LORE FOR YOU. THIS BITCH VOICED DARWIN IN THE CANTONESE DUB OF G-FORCE. HE’S A FUCKING GUINEA PIG. THAT DOES SECRET AGENT SHIT. TECHNICALLY AN ACTION HERO ROLE. BUT HE’S THE VOICE OF A GUINEA PIG. I’M LITERALLY FUCKING SCREAMING. THIS IS THE WORST THING I’VE EVER KNOWN IN MY LIFE AND NOW YOU ALL HAVE TO KNOW IT TOO. I’M NOT SORRY. 

Guinea pigs are secret agents and keep a bad dude from blowing up the planet. That’s it. I watched this movie in theatres when it came out and now i’m watching it again bc william is a fucking guinea pig. what has my life come to. 

OVERALL RATING: idek man. it’s guinea pig secret agents. 5/10? it’s fine, it’s silly. 

WILLIAM RATING: he makes some weird fucking noises in this. i love him. 3/10 because i don’t get to see his face. 

Beauty on Duty (2010)

It’s a Miss Congeniality knock-off! except the Sandra Bullock character (Sandra Ng) didn’t actually enter the pageant, but she was super cool anyway and I love her. Once again I don’t know who was writing this movie, but i’m starting to suspect that it was like. monkeys with typewriters.

you get the gist. the police need a guy to testify in court, but he’ll only do it if they provide protection for his daughter, June, who is a beauty pageant contestant. Ai Fang, the newest cop in the force, is pretty and kickass, so they put her undercover so that she can guard June. Along the way, she meets Jerry (WILLIAM) and has to take down all of the bad guys trying to get June while not blowing her cover as a fake pageant contestant.

tbh the funniest part of this movie was that for Jerry/William’s posters, they just used his “Will Power” album cover, so it had “William Chan” written on it. Like fam. You couldn’t do the minimum amount of photoshop?? i’m disappointed. the rest of the characters were very fun though, even if there was a lot of nonsense happening the entire time.

OVERALL RATING: 3/10. Miss Congeniality is definitely the better version of this, but it was fun and silly. My favorite part were the two undercover operatives. they got fucked by crocodiles when they were dressed up as crocodiles.

WILLIAM RATING: 3/10. Ok he really played the role of a superstar well bc I nearly swooned every time I saw him but like??? why was he there??? he didn’t do anything.

Split Second Murders (2010)

ok the only version of this i could find was a thai dub so I???? did not understand what was going on at all. but from the imdb it’s about this comic book artist named Luk whose editor wants his comics to be more violent and Luk is like “uhhhhh” and then he goes and sees violence in the real world cause people are mad at each other or something. again it was in thai i only know the particles and how to say i love you and also my thai nickname that my roommate gave me.

william shows up like halfway through the movie and plays a really intense game of mahjong that he wins I think??? then he pulls a bottle of coca cola out of nowhere and lights himself on fire at a wedding. 

yeah. 

OVERALL RATING: N/A because i could not understand what was happening, but it seemed silly! 

WILLIAM RATING: 3/10. His hair looks dumb as fuck and he’s wAY too intense about mahjong. points bc his character apparently teaches babies ballet for a living so we get to see him in ballet slippers which is great

Lover’s Discourse (2010)

This movie was SO GOOD?? I’m definitely finding this pattern in Hong Kong art films where they do like, interconnecting stories and slice-of-life but of different lives?? Sometimes it’s a hit or miss but Lover’s Discourse was DEFINITELY a hit.

Basically this movie is four different love stories; one of two childhood best friends who missed their chance, one about a laundress who falls in love with the idea of one of her customers, one about a kid who’s in love with his friend’s mom and exposes her husband for cheating, and one about two other couples who are in conflict (I can’t tell you the full synopsis bc it’s a spoiler but it FUCKED ME UP). William is the kid who’s in love with his friend’s mom and it’s honestly sort of creepy bc he like, stalks her??? And ruins her marriage?? But he’s also very obviously like seventeen and doesn’t know what he’s doing so it’s like??? Idk it made me very uncomfortable overall it was like “boy you need to STOP”

The rest of the movie though was SO GOOD. like there were very few lines and not a lot of action, but everything was very quiet and simple and read through the body language and acting choices and DAMN LIKE??? In the first part the childhood friends almost-kissed-not-quite and it was so full of longing and yearning and missed chances and it was SO GOOD??? And in the second part they do a spoof of the cdrama trope where the girl transfers energy into the guy to save his life, and in that part the guy is a mannequin of the actor to show that the girl’s fantasized man isn’t his real self, but anyway when they do the qi transfer thing the mannequin spews fake blood and it was SO FUCKING FUNNY. So yeah. Honestly this is a really really good movie even tho William’s a weirdo in it

OVERALL RATING: 10/10. I loved this movie. I would recommend it to anyone who likes soft films and complicated love stories.

WILLIAM RATING: 7/10. He’s GOOD in this role. He’s so confused and is just trying to be……. Something idk. he's creepy as hell, but a good 2010 William

All About Love (2010)

This was the cutest fucking movie i have ever seen in my entire life. everything about it was perfect. it was so soft and gentle and QUEER???? SO FULL OF QUEER LOVE??? i want to die i love it so much it's so so good

basically, Anita and Macy were lovers in school, but they drifted apart after they graduated and Macy went traveling. They meet again in a support group after both getting pregnant, fall instantly back in love, and have to try and figure out what they're going to do with each other, their babies, and the men who fathered the children. basically, they end up in a giant polycule with another lesbian couple and the two dads, and they all live happily ever after. i want to write so much fanfiction about them.

and okay. if I didn't love william so much already I would love him so much now. he is the absolute sweetest in this movie. he's nineteen and an idiot. he meets anita on a dating app and tries to act cool but then cums fifteen seconds into having sex and is so embarrassed he cries about it. he just wants to do his best and be friends with Anita and he cares for her so much???? when he finds out he's going to be a dad he cries about it?? and then cries when the baby is born??? also he does tarot readings on himself and is clumsy as hell and the most adorable man i've ever seen on this planet. he's so so good and he truly deserves his four girlfriends and boyfriend.

OVERALL RATING: 10/10. My heart was squeezed out of my chest with joy. I cannot believe they ended up in a canon polycule and that these two babies get to live in a house so full of love

WILLIAM RATING: 10/10 he's the fucking sweetest. I want to hug and kiss him forever. he's a complete idiot but he's so loveable. he becomes a feminist and also falls asleep on stairs. i would die for him.

Hi, Fidelity (2011)

I really don’t know what i was expecting from this movie but SHIT it was not what I got. like i knew that william was going to be a prostitute, but i didn’t know that he was also going to be gay AND have an evil twin AND be stupid AND act like the joker. Like??? what was going on in this script honestly

ok so the story follows these rich women (Alice, Jojo, Sevon, and Pinky) who are unsatisfied in their sex lives, so they decide to go to this brothel to get some action. this brothel has a dude named bill who is a sex god and can eat pussy at an astounding rate. turns out! this is because he has a younger brother named ben who looks exactly like him, so they tag team it so that they can be the Best Motherfucker Who Ever Fucked. Anyway, ben falls in love with alice, bill is actually gay, and all the women’s husbands eventually find out except for Sevon who had a lesbian crush on Alice the entire time.

honestly i should really have figured out that this movie was going to be absolute insanity when william fully pulled out his dick thirty seconds in and jacked off as his audition to work in the brothel. if that hadn’t done it, him going to jail for stealing a butterball turkey should have.

TRIGGER WARNING: i haven’t actually had to do this with any william movies so far but this does feature some non-consensual sex scenes. They aren’t super graphic, but I would advise keeping that in mind if you decide to watch this movie yourself.

OVERALL RATING: 6/10, mostly because I cannot believe anyone allowed this movie to be made. also they pulled off the biggest plot twist in the WCU, and I screamed.

WILLIAM RATING: 4/10 he’s fucking weird??? evil william is evil and stupid baby william is SO STUPID. the way that he distinguishes between the characters is that he makes stupid baby william stick his neck out SO far and also have no control over his limbs. i did love seeing him play a gay male sex worker though, bc that’s not a role you often see, so props to william for doing that.

Triad (2012)

so at first glance this movie poster is william, tits out, freshly whumped, and if you know anything about me, you know that’s a surefire way to get me to go “IM IN.” and it was for this one! i was so stoked about this movie and honestly it was only sort of a letdown, and that was only bc they tried to cram too many things in too fast, and it was all kind of rushed and confusing.

basic plotline is that william is a lil smarty pants who joins a gang so that he won’t get bullied anymore, but finds out that just being in a gang isn’t enough, so he attempts to garner as much power as he can with his two best friends, who have also joined the gang with him. as he gets deeper and deeper into the mafia life, he starts to lose himself in the power and struggle. it’s honestly super fun and full of action, even though it would have benefitted from more time? like this could have easily been a bomb-ass mini-series, and I would have watched the fuck out of it. 

william is also??? so fucking cute??? he’s literally the most adorable and i want to kiss his face. also this was like one of his breakout roles and I can see why; our good bitch is acting!! there were several moments where i was like “oh damn he’s getting good!” bc he was really turning it up for this one. 

the biggest critique i have is that they very clearly did not hire a composer for the background music and instead just remixed this one willy song like seven separate times. every single time there was a dramatic scene they played a different remix of this same song, and by the end i actually wanted to end my life over it. pls. 

OVERALL RATING: 6.5/10. There was quite a bit to be desired with the pacing, but the plot was fun and it clicked along super well! i also loved like all of the main characters, even though we didn’t get to see a lot of them. 

WILLIAM RATING: 8/10! this is my baby getting into it!! he does SUCH A GOOD JOB and he looks so good. minus some points because halfway through someone decided to do some shit with his hair that makes him look like an american dad and i honestly hated it. 

Hardcore Comedy (2013)

I think this was trying to be like the Hong Kong version of Jackass? it was not good. yet another interlocking stories film, but this one was just gross.

the first story was about two guys who just really wanted to fuck so they objectify women and then go on a police chase? idk there was way too much gross stuff going on so I just skipped to william's part, which was called Run on Drugs. basically he gets kicked out by his girlfriend and has no money, so he's living in his hot pink car with his tortoise (he covers his tortoise with a tissue at night so it doesn't get cold cause he's a baby). his friend is like "hey deliver some drugs for me" and william's like "ok" and everyone keeps trying to get him to do drugs but he doesn't want to until he gets tricked into eating a pizza with the drugs on it and then he gets naked and also can't drive anymore

i'm very convinced that someone saw william attempting to drive this hot pink car in this film and was like "that's it, we're never letting this bitch behind the wheel again"

OVERALL RATING: 2/10. If your movie starts out by saying, "if you don't find this funny, you're stupid or a prude!" i'm gonna go ahead and guess that it's not actually a very funny movie

WILLIAM RATING: 4.5/10. He was adorable, as always, and did some very silly things. He did try to put a used condom on his hand like a glove cause he's literally stupid, and i was like "sir. please. this is unnecessary." I mean he was trying to break into the business so he had to do shit like that ig but still.

Sword of Legends (2014)

IT’S ACTUALLY SO CUTE ok so like once again william’s staring in a series based on a video game (he’s not in the second one tho rip wills) and li yifeng is the main character, which is very fun, and takes the total number of william/li yifeng shows up to three (technically). ying haoming is also in it which i didn’t know and he’s a BITCH. honestly i think it’s a very fun time but idk how interesting it is we’ll have to wait and see

THE PLOT so there was a gay dragon and a gay sitar and they fell in love and then Gay Sitar let the Gay Dragon go when he became evil so he got banished from heaven and then the humans put him in a sword. later on a kid got possessed by the sword and then his village got blown up and so he went to another clan who could help him suppress his evil sword powers but he’s only kind of good at that. meanwhile, a girl from another other clan is trying to find her gege who disappeared when Sword Boy got possessed, and it turns out that he turned evil i think??? Idk. meanwhile there’s another gay-ass dude who’s looking for medicine who looks suspiciously like Gay Sitar player. They’re gonna have to figure out how to get the evil sword energy out of sword boy probably or else the bad guys will kill everyone.

WILLIAM’S THE SHIXIONG!!!! i love him honestly. he’s trying so hard to do a good job and protect his shidi. he tries to master all the cultivation but keeps getting distracted by shit but like PLEASE he loves his shidi and trusts him and wants him to be safe and happy!!!! i literally love him!!! he’s so good! i’m so afraid something bad will happen to him pls don’t hurt william-gege pls :(

OVERALL RATING: 7/10 this one is actually going to make me keep watching, even if ying haoming is a bitch.

WILLIAM RATING: 8/10 sit on me shixiong.

Golden Brother (2014)

This movie was like? fine? idk it was pretty alright! nothing super special but also not bad. the WILDEST THING was that the actor they chose to play william’s brother (bosco wong) looks SO MUCH LIKE WILLIAM that half the time that i was like??? who is that?? bc i thought that he was willy every so often

the premise is that a guy named sit ho ching is a loser at home and a loser at work. he gets fired, breaks up with his girlfriend, and his brother (william) gets let out of prison, but just fights with their dad all the time. Ching has no money and wants to make money so that he can give himself and his family a better life, so he goes into the gold investing business where his brother works. He becomes very successful and then discovers that money can’t buy happiness rip in peace 

william is a BIIIIIITTTTCCCHHH. he gets so angry for no reason. he’s very impulsive and silly but i think he’s trying his best? he tries to be angry at his brother for sending him to prison, but he’s not very good at that. 

OVERALL RATING: 5/10. Very middle-of-the-line film. Very average. don’t really have any complaints, but nothing really astounding to say about it either

WILLIAM RATING: also a 5/10. He was sort of sidelined for his brother’s story, which fair, but i love him. my favorite part was this one scene where he ugly cries for literally ten seconds and then immediately locks it down and goes back to what he was doing. bitch ain’t got time for tears. 

The Four (2015)

This show truly has it all, if by “it all” you mean the worst cgi and worst willy acting I have ever seen. Like. I could not even get through one episode. It was so bad. All of the buildings looked like they were modded in roblox and all the fight scenes look like someone took Snapchat stickers and made them fight.

I think the plot is essentially some bad dudes escape from jail and this squad of cool dudes has to stop them, and I’m pretty sure that’s basically it. 44 episodes of that nonsense.

And William? I hate him. Everytime he does a fight move he gives this stupid little smirk and it makes me want to kick his ass. I hope to god he gets his ass BEAT in this show bc frankly he deserves it. He does this breakdance spin and deflects one billion knives with his ass and then SMIRKS and I want to punch a wall.

OVERALL RATING: bro. Bro it’s so bad. 1.5/10 because at least it’s not Air Strike

WILLIAM RATING: 2/10 I hate him so much I want him to be put in a hole and buried alive

Legend of Zu Mountain (2015)

honestly what the fuck is this show. i have not understood a single moment of it since I began watching, and i doubt it’s going to get any better. it’s just???? so much is happening. 

anyway willy is the chief of this village where he lives with his wife whomst he loves very much, but he ate a magic evil rock at some point when he was a baby and now every month he goes insane and destroys shit, but also he’s a himbo so the villagers let him stay cause they think he’s cute. anyway one day the Demonic Clan comes and burns down his village to try and get the Evil Rock out of him and then the Righteous Sect takes him so they can get the rock and they have to train him to fight his evil powers, and also his dad was the biggest slut imaginable and is evil now. william just wants to see his wife but they won’t let him see his wife!!! his wife may also be dead that was implied but not certain

uhhh this show is crazy. everyone is color-coordinated in like, gem tones?? which you don’t see often in fantasy chinese dramas so that was very fun. they all have colorful swords and can do magic but it doesn’t seem like any of them are very good at it. william’s best friend from Age of Legends showed up and was gay and stole william’s money and william just. let him. because he’s a dumbass. he really has no brain in this one and i think that’s great. man loves his wife and that’s all. 

OVERALL RATING: uhhh like a 4/10. it was pretty fun! but also i did not understand a single fucking thing that happened in this plot who wrote this

WILLIAM RATING: honestly i think this is like my least favorite William and i don’t even know why?? 2/10. just doesn’t do it for me. 

Legend of Fragrance (2015)

william’s getting cute and funky and fun! in this one william plays a lil forensic scientist from Japan who comes to this town that is headed by these rival perfume warlords?? and there’s a MURDER but anyway there’s also a girl who smells really really good but no one can KNOW THAT bc perfume warlord #1 will go crazy and kidnap her so his ex-wife adopted her and is keeping her safe while Smelly Girl’s dad kidnapped Willy and raised him as his own (these are not spoilers bc they are given to you in the first two episodes). also perfume warlord #2 has a fued with Willy/Smelly Girl’s dad and perfume warlord #1 had a crush on Smelly Girl’s mom bc she also smelled good and has a useless son who can’t smell so he is a disgrace to the perfume business (played by Wu Xie from TLT1). Also Huang Youming is in here for some reason and I love him

so far the plot is absolutely bonkers and there was SO MUCH BACKSTORY but it’s convoluted in a fun way? Like just enough so that i’m like “wow you guys are silly!” but not so much that I hate it, you know? Also it looks like william gets whumped a lot and i love that for me

OVERALL RATING: 6/10. Not quite enough to really hook me but it’s not bad! I give them points for creative insanity as well. 

WILLIAM RATING: 8/10. William looks fine as fuck at all times, and also he changes his outfit like three times in the first episode he appears in, and it isn’t even different days. also he swordfights and shoots a gun and does science, and I think that’s very sexy of him

As the Lights Go Out (2015)

This movie fucked actually???? I did not expect too much from it because I was like “yeah ok firefighter drama w/e” but it was actually really really good?? At least if you like action/disaster films, which I do.

Anyway the plot follows Sen, the head of a firefighting squad, as his team gets called out to stop the explosion of a natural gas plant (which, because of capitalism, explodes anyway). Then they have to do search and rescue and get everyone out. Y’know, as search-and-rescue films go. William is a baby firefighter!! It is his first day on the job!! He is hyperactive and adorable and adopts everyone as his dad. I love him.

So yeah it was like two hours that I did not regret (tho when have I ever regretted spending time with william ((that is a falsehood I have definitely regretted spending time with william)).

OVERALL RATING: honestly 10/10 for me. the action was great and there was some really interesting cinematography going on, which I very much enjoyed!

WILLIAM RATING: 9.5/10. He wasn’t in the movie quite enough for full points but I LOVED his character and loved how he acted him. Bb boy was doing his best and I’m very proud. Also he looked so pretty the whole time

Lost In Wrestling (2015)

This is the insanest movie I have ever seen and I am not kidding about that. During this journey I have watched some insane movies but this has got to be the wildest and I am honestly not sure how I feel about it bc I am just too stunned to even comprehend how it exists

Naren is a female wrestler from the Mongolian plains and one day she’s invited to come wrestle in Japan, where a kid from her village, Chi Na Si, ran off to ten years ago to become a sumo wrestler. When she gets there she finds him but she also finds this weird clown dude who runs a female fight club. Naren joins the female fight club to???? Win wrestling???? I genuinely don’t know. Anyway turns out that Clown Dude is actually Chi Na Si, whose sumo wrestling trauma jokerified him. Naren is like “bro snap out of it” and bro snaps out of it and then they go back to Mongolia and Chi Na Si wins wrestling

Was there a coherent plot? Absolutely not. Did it make any sense? No. Was William playing the joker the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my life? Yes yes yes yes yes.

OVERALL RATING: 4/10 for the absolute most unhinged thing I think I’ve ever seen.

WILLIAM RATING: 6/10. Despite knowing that william was the clown man from the very beginning, his mannerisms were so different that I genuinely couldn’t tell sometimes. Also he went all out in his jokerification and honestly I have to respect that

The Mystic Nine (2016)

okay i’m not just saying this because i’m a fo-ye slut, but this actually might be Top-Tier William. Mystic Nine follows commander Zhang Qishan and his bffs as they go and hunt down mystical artifacts and fight the japanese and also ward off this weird american dude who wants to live forever. it’s part of the dmbj-verse, but honestly you don’t need to know anything about the rest of the series to enjoy m9

and m9 is William at his Best. He’s sexy. he’s Active. His hair is Styled. He makes heart eyes at every single damn character and seems to be amassing them for a polycule. You think that he’s a stoic but really he’s a giant gummy bear and I want to smack him for it. This is truly a Wonderful Willy and he deserved to be commemorated in wax for this role. 

like most dmbj series, sometimes the pacing is a little slow, but honestly all of the characters are so good and the action is interesting enough that you don’t mind. also zhang baby rishan is in there so that’s a bonus

OVERALL RATING: 9/10. Just a very solid and good show with quality plot, characters, and premise. I want season 2 right now immediately

WILLIAM RATING: 129438573948/10. This is my favorite william bc of just how multi-faceted he is. They gave him 48 episodes and he said “yes my good bitch” and i love that for me

L.O.R.D.: Legend of Ravaging Dynasties (2016)

Ok I keep saying that William’s a thot but he really was a whore for this one. This man wore the absolute sluttiest outfit in the whole franchise, and he looks like That so like. What am I supposed to do.

the LORD series is based off a video game I think?? Anyway this has like the same plot as Critical World which was interesting to me cause I didn’t know that. Anyway this bitch named Qi Ling gets kidnapped by a gay ass dude who is like “we’re soulbonded now” and then they go on gay adventures. Qi Ling has a Lion in his ass. It’s in his butt :)

Uhhhh like it’s half animated but William really went ham on this one. Everyone else us like doing normal facial expressions and this man is stretching his lips as far as they can go. Also I wonder if he had to wear that outfit in real life cause he would’ve loved that

OVERALL RATING: 6.5/10. I would much rather watch zhang mingen be a cutie than whatever this cgi shit was. Also I kinda fell in love with silver and then learned that that was Kr*s W* instead of him being Qi Ling like I thought so that’s disappointing

WILLIAM RATING: 4/10. I wish to GOD that this had been fully live action. I would pay to see William in his real life Duke Killing cosplay. He’s a slut and we love to see it

Love of Happiness (2016)

this show makes me irrationally angry because I want to live in domestic bliss with william chan as my husband. he's literally THE Perfect Man. he's so devoted to his wife and thinks she's the best and will do anything for her and he's so nice and smart and soft and!!!!!! i went insane.

The premise of this show is that Su Xiaonan and her husband, Kevin, move into a new house. Xiaonan is a screenwriter, and Kevin is a professor, and they move next door to a family who lost their son twenty-five years earlier. Kevin is an "orphan," and surprise! he's actually their long-lost kid. Who would have seen that one coming. Anyway, Xiaonan loved the fact that Kevin didn't have family to deal with, but now she has to deal with all of them and they're all crazy and they get into fights a lot, and Kevin has to come to terms with the fact that his parents didn't abandon him and also that he lost his childhood memories lmao. This show is 76 episodes.

I fell in love with william all over again tho. He was adopted and taken to America, so he gets words mixed up and speaks english and it's super cute! Also! It was one of william's first shows that used his real voice, so we get to hear his squeaky laugh!!! and at one point, he recites Hamlet, and my ovaries exploded.

OVERALL RATING: 8/10. It was super cute! william's chemistry with tina tang is great, and they're such a good couple. I honestly have no idea how they're going to fill 76 episodes though, because william is the chillest man ever.

WILLIAM RATING: gosh. 11/10. Get you a man who massages your feet and looks like william and recites shakespeare. holy shit. i nearly became heterosexual for this character :/

I Love That Crazy Little Thing (2016)

Holy shit. Holy shit. Forget As The Lights Go Out, THIS is my new favorite Willy movie. Not because it’s good, because arguably it isn’t, but it’s just so fucking FUN. Like genuinely I think it’s one of the funniest movies I’ve seen in my life, especially with the physical gags (there’s another making-fun-of-cdrama-tropes bit where a dude spits fake blood and then keeps spitting it and then pulls out a water bottle of fake blood and drinks it so he can keep spitting ITS SO FUNNY)

The premise of this show is that Willy is a movie editor who dreams of being a director. On one of his projects, they forget to buy the rights to a song for the score, so to get brownie points, Willy goes on an Epic Quest with his assistant to find the composer and get the rights. Also he learns about love. That’s really where the movie stops making sense, bc while it is very good and has a decent set-up, they pace it so weird that nothing feels like they have complete arcs.

William though. William. My gosh. They let this man go and he WENT. he does not hold back. He makes some of the funniest fucking faces I’ve ever seen in my life in this movie. He’s all over the place; he rolls on the ground and falls through floors and drags a rolling suitcase through a desert and gets pelted by mangoes and wipes out on water jet boots like one million times, and you can tell he was having a fucking BLAST doing it. He’s so joyous and carefree in this movie, and he’s so lovable. An all-around wonderful and perfect man

OVERALL RATING: 8/10. It was SO fun and SO silly and I just WISH that it had been paced better

WILLIAM RATING: 10/10. Not only does he look so happy from making this movie, he’s good in it. Mans took his stunt work and said “let’s do some physical comedy” and I genuinely would die for him

Edge to Happiness (2016)

William was really going for it in 2016, like damn bitch. You were all over the place. this is a very nice and good william. he's evil and gay for part of it but then he gets punched and is sorry. also at one point he goes into a coma because he got too mentally stimulated and like. me too king. we've all been there.

anyway Edge to Happiness is about a girl named Su Xiaoxiao who gets cheated in a marriage scandal and needs a job. It's also about a rich boy named He Mu who runs away from an arranged marriage and gets kicked out by his parents and also needs a job. they get the same job surprise! then they fall in love but only after willy (who is he mu's older brother) falls in love with su xiaoxiao first. it's fourty-four episodes and it does not need to be

william is actually very soft and gentle in this!! he is also evil for part of it but he's not actually very good at being evil. he's a good big brother and even though he's rich and stupid he figures shit out. also he's super good at playing the piano for some reason and says that to play the piano you need to treat the keys like little elves, which according to my roommate who majored in piano is not how that shit works at all

OVERALL RATING: 3/10. This was boring as all hell, and really should have been like twelve episodes, max.

WILLIAM RATING: 4/10. See I want this man to be going feral and any and all times. If he isn't then what's the point? Bonus marks for the sweaters tho

72 Floors of Mystery (2017)

if this isn’t william at his most chaotic i don’t know what to tell you. a game show based on the dmbj series by npss, william shows up for like one and a half episodes and then fucks off to do god knows what by himself. we never see him again. unclear if npss killed him off on purpose or not. 

if you’re into dmbj, this show is just a very fun and silly time, and it features a lot of actors from the franchise, including some wu xie’s, a pangzi, li cu, and liu sang and kan jian as npss henchpeople/hostages (they were most certainly not paid enough for this)

William’s part in this show is mainly to look hot and cause problems. wu lei adopts him immediately. the fo ye theme plays whenever he does something, and most of the stuff he does is charming people into doing the work for him, and talking about when he was fo-ye, which honestly checks out

OVERALL RATING: 6/10. Very fun but makes zero sense and also was badly budgeted

WILLIAM RATING: 7/10. This is William as himself and he is being The Most chaotic. He has come to cause problems and look good doing it, but he is only in two episodes, which is slightly disappointing if you’re me. 

The Founding of An Army (2017)

i am. still not entirely sure what happened in this movie. as far as i could tell, it was an excuse for someone to do a whole lot of explosion special effects and make it About Something. Like it was fine! but it was fine. The cast tho??? holy shit there were so many people in this one, and most of them were only around for like ten minutes, tops. 

This movie is about the formation of the Communist party in China during the late 1920s, especially the revolt on August 1, 1927. That’s like, the high point of the movie, and where the most explosions happen. It’s a good twenty minutes of explosions and gunfire and fighting and more explosions. Honestly I was impressed by the amount of explosions! that definitely cost a lot of money, which was probably why they could only afford to hire actors for like. three scenes. cause there were a lot of different actors in it. Li Xian was there. Lay was there. Bai Yu-gege was there. And of course william, my main bitch. 

William didn’t even get a name. He was present for under two minutes as a triad leader who sold guns to the fledgling Communist party, and did so while lounging sluttily on a box. honestly i really liked his character mostly because of his costume, which was so different in terms of styling and color palette that he stood out a lot. 

OVERALL RATING: 6/10. It was a decent movie! I do not really understood what happened but i think that’s more because i was multi-tasking while trying to watch, so I wasn’t keeping up with all the subtitles. I was excited that Lay was in it, but then Lay was only in it for seven minutes before he died the most dramatic-ass death ever. Bai Yu-gege dressed up as a bush. :)

WILLIAM RATING: 5/10. He was really really good, but was not around NEARLY long enough. i want a whole movie about just him. is this because i’m william biased? maybe so

While There’s Still Time (2017)

IT’S WILLIAM IN PARIS!!! This is a Vogue short film starring William and Bai Baihe. I think the basic premise of it is that William is like an uber driver for rich people and bai baihe is a rich people and they are in paris and while william is driving her around they end up sightseeing and shit. they eat crepes and dance. she smells an apple. 

it’s like six minutes and there’s no dialogue! but the music is very good and william looks hot and drinks coffee for like forty-five seconds while staring into the middle distance, i guess to like establish character or something????? there’s another part where he just stares at her like a weirdo. also there are rocket engines that get spliced in every so often and i honestly have no idea what that’s about. 

OVERALL RATING: 8/10. For a short film that I’m guessing is mostly supposed to just be “look at how good these two look on camera” they do look really fucking good on camera. good work everyone

WILLIAM RATING: 8/10, like i said, he looks good on camera. his earrings are like. giant diamonds tho and that was very distracting.

Love Lost in Times (2017)

ok i did watch this whilst intoxicated and that did not help my understanding of it even at all. the biggest surprise of this show was how many people were in it that i knew! like gong jun was just there! immediately! and i was like :O and then ji chen showed up and i was like :) Also one of willy’s best songs is from that show so :D

don’t quote me on this but i THINK the basic plot of this show is that william is the fourth prince of a dynasty and he’s really fucking good at it, and outshines all of his brothers and everyone else and is gonna become emperor, so one of his brothers is like “fuck you.” meanwhile, there’s a mage who is super good at being a mage but she and william are destined to fall in love but if they do shit will get fucked up so when shit inevitably gets fucked up the girl uses magic to go back in time and create a parallel universe and won’t let william fall in love with her so that shit doesn’t get fucked up. obviously it doesn’t work bc 1) fate and 2) william is a hot piece of ass.

I might come back to this one someday? idk i feel like there’s more things that I could be watching that aren’t this, even if william is in it. i genuinely don’t remember a lot of it but that is entirely my fault and it might be a really good show, I just wouldn’t know

OVERALL RATING: 5/10. Being high did not help, but i loved the mages, they were kickass

WILLIAM RATING: yeah yeah he’s hot as fuck. we get it. 7/10.

Air Strike (2018)

this movie sucked ass. if the white savior complex wasn’t enough, the fact that it makes no damn sense should be. This is supposed to be a movie about a squadron of Chinese fighter pilots who are being trained by an American commander (played by Bruce Willis) in WWII, but actually the movie doesn’t spend very much time on them at all, instead bouncing around between multiple other plots that ALSO don’t make sense. 

William is a fighter pilot named Charlie whose Comrade died in the war and he wants to get revenge but actually he’s like???? a bitch?? no one likes him. he fights with this other trainee over who gets to fly the Best Plane and william wins but then decides no so he ends up taking the lamer plane so the Protagonist Man (who isn’t even really the protagonist) can fly the Best Plane and then dies dramatically for it rip wills. 

uhhhhh this movie is just a lot of explosions and weird-ass stunts that wouldn’t work in real life and bruce willis does jack shit in it. also the dialogue is terrible. 

OVERALL RATING: 1/10. Not even william was enough to make up for how bad the rest of it was

WILLIAM RATING: 4/10. though the rest of the movie is bad, william is a pilot and i think that’s very sexy of him. also he gets one of his CLASSIC fight-scenes-in-the-rain so y’know that’s pretty good. 

Genghis Khan (2018)

For a movie about genghis khan this movie sure wasn’t about genghis khan. it’s about a man named Temujin (who i guess is technically genghis khan but that as much as we get), who is really good at riding horses and sort of good at fighting and is engaged to this one girl. on the day of their wedding, his fiancee gets captured by an Evil Man so he can resurrect his dead wife, and william has to go save her. 

i would probably have liked this movie if it were more fun, but as it is, it’s very boring for the most part. william just dances back and forth between Evil Man’s lair and the girl’s village. Like their arcs are Not Complete. Also I think they just die at the end? honestly not sure, it’s unclear. 

the best part about this movie is Alan, William’s magical horse, and also this fucked up lil gremlin creature that works for Evil Man that looks like something straight out of Star Trek for no reason

OVERALL RATING: 1.5/10. it was bearable

WILLIAM RATING: honestly like a 3/10. not william’s best role at ALL and definitely not worth him in 2018. That’s Queen mv time people. william could have been a lot sexier and a lot more naked in this one and the fact that he wasn’t is honestly homophobic

Only Side By Side with You (2018)

this is a cute one! i have not seen all of it bc i am very silly and lazy and also i think it’s like fifty-some episodes and i was not about to do that. Yet. Maybe i will watch it for William but honestly i don’t think he gets whumped enough in this one to be worth it. 

Anyway the premise is that william is the mafia boss/owner of a nightclub, and he was also in the military and had a gay-ass rivalry with this other dude (played by li xian of tientsin mystic). he meets the ceo of a drone manufacturing company and is like “i wanna date her” and then essentially ends up stalking her in kind of a non-creepy way? like it’s for sure weird but he’s not like sexual about it if that makes sense. also Gay-Ass Military Rival is Drone Girl’s best friend, so they have some conflict about that too. 

It’s fun! it’s cute! honestly i think it’s mostly worth it for William’s stunt work, cause he does some fucking incredible stunts in this one, and honestly everyone else’s physical acting is really good too. I don’t know if they’re going to be able to stretch the plot out to fifty episodes worth, but we’ll see

OVERALL RATING: 6/10. Not really my thing, mainly cause of the romance, but i like the action and the plot so far. 

WILLIAM RATING: 9/10. He’s hot. He’s suave. He has a MILF boss. honestly the whole package. 

Age of Legends (2018)

GOSH THIS SHOW FUCKS. i say that after having made fun of it the entire time but honestly this one’s good. if you watch any William show purely for the William, I’d make it this one. The plot is snappy, if convoluted, and it doesn’t bog itself down with long, drawn-out romance scenes, because willy’s love interest in this bad boy is a bamf and also could kick his ass. we love to see it. 

really my only critique here is that william moves like he’s a mini-fridge that grew legs and forgot how to use them. he’s SO FUCKING STIFF. and like. it’s a character choice. but he does this weird thing where he doesn’t move his shoulders like AT ALL when he walks but his hips are swiveling like there’s no mañana. it’s so strange. also he has this strange little mustache for like half the show and it weirds me out just a little bit. but then again he does get whipped within the first twenty minutes, so that’s nice. 

i really liked this show! there’s an evil drug gege and william eats paper and also all the bamfs are women which we love! also evil drug gege’s relationship with willy is just very funny. the action is good, and the plot is well-paced, in my opinion. 

OVERALL RATING: 10/10. If you like cop dramas/drug cartel dramas, then this will fit the bill. it’s more action than romance for an action/romance cdrama, which is why i liked it. also william has some stupid friends. fun time all around

WILLIAM RATING: like a 12/10. this is a william post-Inside Me Tour, and he knows it. This man has worn laser tiddies and seen the future. he is too powerful to be stopped. 

Adoring (2019)

ok i went into this movie like “haha william gets cockblocked by a dog serves him right” and then i came out of this movie sobbing and emotionally destroyed by william and this dog. i could not handle it. william acted his ass off. the dog acted its ass off. i am not okay. 

Adoring is a series of stories about people and their pets! and they’re all super unique, which was nice for a pet movie! there was one about a girl and her best friend (played by my son Wu Lei) who has gone blind, so she trains her golden retriever to be a seeing eye dog for him; one about a guy who wants to propose to this girl but hasn’t told her that he has a pet pig; one about a girl who has extreme mysophobia but ends up raising a cat with her neighbor; one about a dad who is taking care of his daughter’s cat while she’s in America; a delivery guy who gets help from a stray dog; and then william, who wants to fuck his wife so bad but keeps getting stopped by her dog whenever he tries. all of their stories eventually come together, and it’s really really cute! i loved it a lot, there were so many feel-good moments and funny bits and it was just really really good. 

i will give spoilers tho: the dog dies in the end (only william’s not the other ones) but it’s like??? holy fuck. it’s so sad. and william is so good. and the dog is so good??? and one thing i appreciate about william in this movie is even though he keeps getting rekt by this dog he never asks his wife to choose between the dog and him he just accepts that they can’t have sex with the dog present and you know what?? get you a man like that. 

OVERALL RATING: honestly 10/10. was it high art? no. was it completely original? no. was it cute and funny and made me happy? yes. 

WILLIAM RATING: 15/10 he was so good and goofy in this??? i literally loved him so much he was so nice and sweet and understanding and just! ah! he was like a golden retriever himself. i would die for him. 

Gagman (2020)

Okay I’m honestly not sure why william is in this one bc it’s a comedy-talent scouting series, and as far as I know william has never been a comedian??? unless he’s there bc his smile is the most beautiful thing on this planet in which case yeah

uhhh i couldn’t understand most of what was going on bc this show does not have English subs, but it was cute and looked funny! i think the premise is basically that they get a bunch of young comedians to do their bits in front of professional comedians + william and then they choose the best one at the end. not sure but it looked good! 

the best part was that one of the gags in episode one was that this guy’s bit was that he talked nonsense to the person next to him on a roller coaster that’s going like a billion miles per hour, and so they put william next to this man and william was all like “hell yeah” and then as soon as the ride started he was like “fuck no get me off” and then he spent the rest of the time trying not to die and not listening to this man’s comedy at all

OVERALL RATING: N/A because i didn’t not understand what was happening unfortunately, but it seems like a really fun and cute show, and I would have liked to see it! 

WILLIAM RATING: 6/10. I love seeing william being himself but unfortunately ever since he opened his own merch line “being himself” means he’s just dressed head to toe in his own merch 24/7. Extra points bc i now know that he rides roller coasters the same way I do, i.e. eyes closed and holding breath

L.O.R.D.: Legend of Ravaging Dynasties 2 (2020)

someone please explain to me why this was a better movie than the first one??? like i went into this expecting nothing. nothing. and then i cried. what the fuck. i shouldn't be emotionally affected by this stupid-ass cgi video game movie and yet i was

so the sequel to LORD 1 follows qi ling, again, who is waiting for his bf to come back from abandoning him. said bf does come back and then is like "we gotta go rescue my husband from his Time Prison" and everyone is like ok. meanwhile duke killing and the gang are trying to stop them, as usual, and not doing a very good job. they basically just fight each other all the way to the netherrealm, where duke silver goes to free his husband and qi ling has some gay crises about it.

when i say I cried, I mean it. I did. and only partially because it was sad. the other part was because william is such a THOT. the way this man moves his hips is sinful. it's like he read a wiki-how on motion capture and the only thing he took away from it was "exaggerate your movements" because that is all that he does. I need behind the scenes footage, and also a third movie unfortunately.

OVERALL RATING: surprisingly, like an 8/10. I was invested, even though i wish I hadn't been

WILLIAM RATING: 6/10, because once again, he is a WHORE and i love him. also he had like, love for something other than himself?? i went through a whole range of feelings about duke killing in this one and honestly i don't think that should have been allowed

The YinYang Master (2021)

normally i would watch william movies for william and i admittedly did watch this one for william but it’s so much more than him!! like this is a genuinely good movie and I was not expecting that... well, okay, I was, because I had heard from other people that it was good but i was expecting william’s normal brand of nonsense but this is actually a good movie! I think. it really wasn't my thing but everyone else loves it, and it was a good and fun time!

uhhhh ok granted i don’t really remember like. a good percentage of the plot cause i watched it with other people and we were talking the whole time. ANYWAY i think like YingYang Master BoFa Deez Nuts has a whole like lil creature house? he had a bunch of creatures. and there’s some magic shit. and his house is gonna get destroyed by the other YinYang Masters so he has to fight them. william is an evil deer spirit man thing. also there’s a random ass guy but Bo Ya is hot and his ex-girlfriend is hot. it’s pretty great. 

it’s a good movie! just enough action and stuff to keep you engaged, and it’s a pretty quick one, so you won’t get bored watching. i keep getting plot points of this movie mixed up with the Darren Wang Is A Writer and Manifests Shit one tho, so I’m sorry that this review isn’t better. 

OVERALL RATING: for me, 7/10. It’s not my favorite movie, but a lot of people really like it, and it does look really good. 

WILLIAM RATING: 7/10. He’s a bitch in this one!! but he looks good doing it. also he’s a fucking weirdo. i do like Villain Willain. never seen that before (cause at the time of writing this i have not seen LORD) so that was fun

Dance of the Storm (2021)

ahahahahahaha willy what the FUCK ok honestly the quality of this one isn’t his fault. It’s made by the same people who did Age of Legends, which is probably why it’s like exactly the same but Worse. likkkkkkkeee i liked Age of Legends but you really didn’t have to do it twice. once was enough. 

anyhow william plays a disgraced fbi agent who returns to the force when his late mentor’s murderer shows up. he’s a bitch and a brat and spends all his time getting in trouble bc he won’t listen to anyone, so he goes rogue with the help of his two bffs and does action stuff to solve the mystery. 

the stunts SLAP there’s this one move where william grabs a dude’s wrist, steps around his head, wrenches him to the ground using his thighs, and shoots him. it’s so fucking cool. genuinely one of the hottest things I’ve ever seen. UGH. other than that tho it was kinda weird, and the pacing was strange, and william is honestly kind of annoying bc he won’t listen to ANYONE and keeps doing shit on his own. and like it works out for him but only bc he’s the protagonist. anyone else would have died like twelve times. 

OVERALL RATING: 5/10. Honestly not enough to keep me occupied or engaged. 

WILLIAM RATING: 7.5/10. It’s a different character than we usually see from him, and he’s once again on top of his stunt work. very hot. 

Fourtry: Season Two (2021)

once again people have got to stop letting william do reality shows. at this point i think he just surfs job postings for literally anything and is like “fuck yeah i’ll do it” when they need a celebrity host bc all of his variety show roles are so far away from what he actually does? like this is a business entrepreneurship startup show and yeah I GUESS william opened a clothing line but he’s the only one who wears his clothes so like. what does this bitch know about business. 

regardless of all that william is very charming in this one. he’s hanging out! he’s in his element! also he’s very sweet and stupid (there’s one part where everyone is like “we gotta choose the best clothes for our opening!” and he’s just screaming in the background. not even words, he’s just going AH). they do a photoshoot and everyone’s like “wow it’s fo-ye!” and he’s literally just sitting there. iconic. he teaches all of his children the choreography to “Queen,” which if you know willy you know that that is the sluttiest music video on the face of the planet.

also at one point he makes the news for shaving all of his staff’s heads. Badly. 

OVERALL RATING: 4/10 mostly just because business startups do not interest me. 

WILLIAM RATING: ok he’s super charismatic in this one. 8.5/10. how anyone doesn’t fall in love with this man immediately is beyond me.

Novoland: Pearl Eclipse (2021)

Ah! And here we come to the latest and greatest willy drama! Novoland!! I'm still working on this one and will probably watch all of it but for now you get my three-episode required summary.

Novoland: Pearl Eclipse is about a girl named hai shi (we love water pun names) whose village gets wrecked bc a dude is after some pearls. hai shi is adopted by resident badass, fang jianming, who is the emperor's gay love affair and personal punching bag. he raises her as his disciple and they have a very fun shidi/shifu relationship :/ meanwhile fang jianming is getting his ass kicked 24/7 because he put a spell on himself to take all the damage while the emperor (who is a bitch) gets away scot free. also huang junjie is there!!!!

from the first few episodes, I love everything about this show EXCEPT the shifu/shidi thing. doesn't do it for me. Maybe I'll learn to accept it in the end but i'm pretty sure hai shi and william are just going to be dramatic af about it and won't learn anything valuable by the end. truly fang jianming should just go date the emperor and maybe a lot of problems would be solved

OVERALL RATING: 7/10. Good action, seemingly good plot, it's just the romance that really throws me off.

WILLIAM RATING: 9/10, if you've seen my ghost smile post you know that this man is dialing it up to an eleven for this one. his hair is stupid tho.

Faces in the Crowd (2023)

Williams back, and he’s having a myriad of queer-coded relationships with men!!! If u liked seeing Zhu Yilong get his shit rocked by a zaddy with a gun, you’ll love seeing William get his shit rocked by a zaddy with a gun, cause that’s basically all this movie is.

Faces in the Crowd is about a lil guy named Jiadong who is in the Chinese army and is hunting some communists bc that’s what they do in these movies. He teams up with his old zaddy who was a communist and then decided to have money instead, and they work on tracking down a communist who looks shockingly like bai yu. William runs round and shoots a gun (except he’s. Shockingly bad at it) and learns about communism

What I don’t get is why they keep having william do rom coms bc every time he’s in a rom com I forget he can actually act sometimes. Anyway he’s stupid in this like most of his other shows, but I really enjoyed watching it!! Definitely the best out of his three 2023 projects

TW: there is a sexual assault scene; nothing super graphic, but be aware!

OVERALL RATING: 9/10 there wasn’t really anything super new or original here. Also the final fight was ???? William outran a machine gun and then got set on fire but he lived

WILLIAM RATING: 8/10 he’s JUST about to get to the point where he’s a little too old to keep playing characters in their 20s, so I don’t quite buy the naivety thing from him anymore and he kinda hams it up with that one in this. Otherwise he’s fantastic, lots of action and running around and making men fall in love with him by using his cow eyes and pretty smile

Bursting Point (2023)

Literally Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ William what the fuck. What the actual fuck.

Y'all know me, I love a drug cartel-action heist-undercover agent shebang as much as the next girl but HOLY SHIT. This is a particularly good genre for William and he likes to do them, so there have been a few but this one. Crossed a lot of lines. And I'm not really surprised it hasn't been allowed on any streaming services.

The plot is that William is a cop but no one at his job likes him, so he gets blackmailed into going undercover in a drug cartel. William's really good at going undercover in a drug cartel. He is a little too good at going undercover in a drug cartel, which leads to a falling out between him as his boss who he is in gay love with. You can kinda get the gist.

What you can't get the gist of are the trigger warnings that should be on this movie! So, I highly do not recommend this film if you are triggered or made uncomfortable by any of the following: extreme violence, blood and injury, major character death, extreme violence against children, sexual assault, drug use, drug overdosing, police brutality, and William's superhumangift tattoo being on full display the whole time (seriously though, this movie shows a lot of shit so definitely go into it with that in mind; I can always answer any specific questions if u have them!).

OVERALL RATING: 8/10 like it was really well-plotted and it was very well executed in terms of acting and script but it was. A Lot.

WILLIAM RATING: 8/10 where did this boy learn how to act???? cause he's acting in this. Minus 2 because his ass is way too good at acting a little stupid and a little gay and making old men fall in love with him.

A Date With The Future (2023)

This show is fucking stupid oh my gosh. So so stupid. There are some great bits, like william being in a very homosexual relationship and also aroace coded, and he’s cute with a dog, but everything else was BAD

plot is that a girl named Xu Lai gets trapped in a building during an earthquake and william saves her so she falls in love with him and then harasses him at his workplace. William is like “I am not interested in dating never have been never will be” but then she has a dog and he really likes dogs so I guess they’re gonna fall in love?? It’s ridiculous all of it. Xu Lai is also sooooooo fucking annoying like girl stop stalking him!!!!!

But huge fan of william being aroace! Also for some reason they kept having the firefighters do sexy rain scenes??? And made them do like three stupid little dances and william looks like he’s the only one having any fun

Overall Rating: 4/10. It’s just really not good or interesting!!!!! williams a goofy goober tho so that’s fun

William Rating: 5/10 he’s cute and stupid but he could have done something way better than this. Literally anything

[maxbernini]

rank the skamfr newgen seasons

WELL! read more bc it’s LONG bc i feel i need to defend myself sdnsdksd

this is hard bc there are plots & mains from some that are far superior than others, but if we're judging whole seasons...like i genuinely think the first 4 episodes of s8 are maybe their strongest in terms of consistent writing (theme, dialogue, set up), directing (the symbolism in lighting, space & color), and acting (khalil emmy when) but you know how s8 went lmao, i can’t put it first. so:

1: season six: yes it’s a mess but it’s #my mess. imo it’s the only one that works as both a standalone story and within the show? s9 requires you to watch s6/7; s7 requires you don’t watch s6 if you want a satisfying redemption arc (and imo fails re: a standalone story on pregnancy), and s8 is such a mess on so many levels. but s6 is like: here’s a character you’ve never met before, s1-5 will enhance your understanding of her family/life but you don’t need that bc s6 makes it clear enough, and whilst s7-9 does continue her story, if you stop at 6 you’ve still got a fairly complete arc about family, growth, healing. don’t get me wrong...if i ever see mister baguette on the street...but in retrospect, most of my issues are re: the pacing and tone i think? there was so much heavy stuff going on but i thought it all made sense in theory (like the links between EDs, poverty, alcoholism, addiction, assault etc), i just don’t know if skam, its genre and format, was the right show for all of it at once. there’s 583230 things i’d cut or switch around (alexia-as-eliott’s-role, forever in my heart) but it’s the season i’m most satisfied with and i do think lola is the most realized, developed, and consistently well-written person in the new gen

2: season nine: this could either go up or down in an hour lol. but as much as i wish they’d gone in many different directions, i still love so much about this season sorryyy. it’s like the only season where plots & characterizations from past seasons actually carry over and are used in ways that make sense lmao? like this is the first time post-s6 i’ve actually enjoyed la mif’s dynamic and think they’re all in character and most of their scenes make sense. the symbolism!! circles/cycles work so well with maya’s past and how that impacts her + the moon/rebirth works so well with her interests. getting to be in her pov is so fun to me. i loved the dramatic irony, i love how pre-ep9 you get why she does what she does, i love how she’s allowed to be really messy without being narratively punished, and has finally allowed herself to feel things beyond being the Kind Mom Friend. not speaking much on the negatives (and there are many!!!) bc i’m saving that for a post in a few days when it’s actually over and rn i just wanna soak up s9 whilst i still can. i think she’s the second most consistently well-written character in la mif.

3: season seven: i mean, she’s my least fave main of the 4, i don’t like this season, i don’t think even the best written season about redemption, bullying, privilege etc should’ve come before max & sekou. but it’s still ahead of 8 bc: a) after the trailer i went into 7 “prepared” vs i went into 8 excited for bilal’s season, and b) in terms of theme...well it was advertised as a season on teen pregnancy and it sure was lmao. i was team #SheWon’tKeepTheBaby and i still mostly stand by that tbh; i think there’s a way they could’ve connected it to a redemption arc but that’s another post. whilst i like how her motherhood is used in 9, i don’t think s7 did it justice just by virtue of it being tiff? i don’t care about how teen pregnancy impacts a wealthy, white, cishet girl. and the answer being not much financially, socially, or academically lol. ofc i don’t want a season where a main suffers 24/7, there should be a good blend of hope and realism, but this just felt like the writers wanted to explore the topic and picked tiff bc there was no one else + it was thus an “easy” (lazy) way to redeem her with that instead of via an actual redemption arc, and yet nobody came out of s7 looking good lol. i think there’s a direct link between the issues with s7′s main to my issues with s8 and lamifex 2.0 in general, but that’s also another post :)) i will say that s7 trailer night will go down in the history books though. the discovery that lola technically punched a pregnant girl is like...oh you HAD to be there.

4: season eight: A MESS. as i said, the first 4 eps are good and def outrank 7 as a whole. but 8 as a whole...it’s up there with eskam4 as maybe my most disappointing viewing experiences. i don’t think either are the worst skamverse seasons tbh but in terms of investment levels versus end product? ugh. there’s so many s8 clips i skipped at the time and still haven’t watched bc i just don’t care and that’s the worst part!! there was SO much there!! SO much set up!! but bilal’s arc was rushed to focus on jo’s story, which wasn’t even done well either! if nobody came out of s7 looking good, then s8 made them look actively worse and maybe regressed them? (and i think this was where it rly hit me like OH they sure do pick a topic to explore rather than let the characters guide them to topics huh). i mourn what s8 could’ve been had they cut the HIV plot + actually explored ALL facets of bilal & the cherif family’s lives and identities and focused on them + made redouane the co-main not jo + had jolal’s plot be about first time relationships & impressions & letting people in, and not...whatever this was. there’s so much wrong with s8 but i think the overall vibe can be epitomized by the following: a) sekou being in the s8 credits bc he appeared in a s7 insta video, and b) them spending 10 weeks hyping up a kitschy, trashy, decadence themed prom, only for it to be yet another dance rave that could’ve gotten bilal arrested (the season starting & ending with that except it matters and then...suddenly doesn’t), and everyone turns up in JEANS and T-SHIRTS, except for lola who was in an ASTRONAUT COSTUME for unexplained reasons. genuinely the most insanely disappointing, inconsistent, rushed, weird, terrible, confusing new gen season for me.

[em-neko]

KISSED BY THE BADDEST BIDDER MAIN ROUTE REVIEW

hey! so i just finished watching kaylaslovely on youtube’s review of the main five (+ rhion) bidders routes and so i thought i would make my own review, because i felt like it. so here you go!

i will be reviewing all nine main routes, or main stories. each story will be rated using these five categories: plot, pace, romance, mc (since she’s different in every story) and love interest. at the end, i’ll give the story its final rating and i’ll let you know whether i recommend it or not.

i will try not to include any spoilers, but just in case, consider this your spoiler warning!

remember, these are my personal opinions.

summary: you are a maid at a hotel called the tres spade hotel, owned by the ichinomiya group. one day, you get dragged into the ivc (an exclusive party for the elite, held inside the hotel) and you basically get lost. while you’re wandering around the area, you enter a storage room where a lot of expensive items are held. little did you know, those items belonged to a blackmarket auction, the ivc was only a cover for said auction. being the clumsy queen that you are, you manage to bump into the statue of venus and knock it over. when the men responsible for the expensive items find you, they throw you into a giant birdcage and put you up for auction instead of the statue.

from here, you can pick one of the main five love interest (eisuke, soryu, mitsunari, mamoru and ota) to buy you. the other love interest (except for rhion) only appear in the second/third season, they purchase you from eisuke (presuming eisuke bought you but you never fell in love). rhion is part of an “au”, but his story technically takes place in season one. does that make sense? okay, perfect. now, on to the review!

EISUKE ICHINOMIYA: THE ARROGANT CEO

plot: 8/10, the plot is a cliche and fairly overused trope... but i love it. it’s well executed and feels unique and original, even though the core of the plot really isn’t.

pace: 8/10, in my opinion, i think the pace was very good. it wasn’t too slow or too fast (although it leaned on the slower side) and i feel like mc fell in love with eisuke at an appropriate time in the story. the ending felt slightly rushed but i feel like that’s a common theme with love 365 stories.

romance: 7/10, not as romantic as other routes (i mean, it’s eisuke we’re talking about), especially at the beginning, but there were moments that made me smile.

mc: 6/10, she’s definitely a bit of a pushover in this route. i wish she stood up to eisuke more, i wish she was sassier, it would’ve made the story sooo much funnier!

love interest: 7/10, eisuke’s kind of a jerk in this story, but hey at least he’s entertaining? (he has his cute moments tho)

final score: 72% (b-)

recommendation: sure? to be honest, it was pretty okay, a little boring compared to the other routes but for the low low price of literally 0$ (his main route is free), it’s not bad.

SORYU OH: THE COLD MOBSTER

plot: 9/10, i really liked his plot! i’ll admit, i’m not a fan of gang related stories, in fact, i usually hate them, but soryu’s story genuinely surprised me! i especially loved the fact that mc made a female friend along the way, usually other females in stories are seen as rivals (as in eisuke’s case), but it wasn’t the case here and that made me really happy. we support women in his household <3

pace: 7/10, the ending was really rushed in my opinion, like way more rushed than the usual rushed love 365 ending. when it ended i was like, “are you serious?” it just felt abrupt. the rest was fine tho.

romance: 8/10, the romance was subtle (due to soryu’s cold and mysterious demeanor), but you could definitely feel it. there was sooo much chemistry between the characters, so it felt really romantic.

mc: 8/10, she’s a little boring, but at least she’s relatable, like her actions/choices make sense in this story.

love interest: 9/10, c’mon, who doesn’t love soryu? there’s a reason why the whole fandom simps for this man. he’s the perfect mix of cold and innocent, and his reaction to regular people things (like going to the supermarket) is hilarious! he’s really sweet too and you can tell that he really cares for mc.

final score: 82% (a-)

recommendation: yes! even if you don’t like gang related stories, i’d still give his route a chance.

MITSUNARI BABA: THE WOMANIZING THIEF

plot: 9/10, i really loved the plot. it’s basically a romcom with action and criminal activity, it’s gold.

pace: 8/10, there were some parts that felt rushed, but overall i think the pace was fine.

romance: 10/10, the most romantic story of them all (i don’t expect any less from baba). their interactions are so cute and i loved watching them get closer and more comfortable with each other.

mc: 8/10, even though she’s kind of dumb, it works because this story is more comedic, her naivety and trusting nature helped the plot advance rather than disrupting it. she’s also really sassy in this story, i loved watching her shoot down baba!

love interest: 9/10, i love baba! i love the womanizer character trope, i know it’s an unpopular opinion but i still love it. he’s actually a total dork and he has the best lines, i smiled throughout the whole story!

final score: 88% (a)

recommendation: it’s one of my favorite main stories, so i definitely recommend it! however, if you don’t like romcoms or womanizers, you’ll probably hate this story lol

MAMORU KISHI: THE SLACKER DETECTIVE

plot: 8/10, his plot is intense. it’s action packed, there’s twists and turns and it definitely kept me on my toes. however, it is a little hard to keep up with at times, i definitely had moments where i got lost.

pace: 8/10, like mitsunari’s story, the pace was a little inconsistent, there were times when scenes felt rushed, idk if it was on purpose because it was a more “action-y” story, but even some of the “romantic” moments felt rushed.. which was a shame because there weren’t many.

romance: 7/10, it wasn’t very romantic, honestly. they had their cute moments, but they were rare. they have good chemistry, like the best friends you hardcore ship, but there just wasn’t much actual romance. i would compare their relationship to judy and nick in zootopia, like friends but a little more.

mc: 5/10, the mc actually bites back in this story, which is refreshing. however, she nags mamoru a lot, and i got sick of it really fast, to the point where i’d roll my eyes whenever she opened her mouth towards the end of the story. she acts like mamoru is a child incapable of taking care of himself, yet she gets angry when he calls her “kid” or treats her like one? wtf? ALSO, one third of the story is her being jealous of a dead person, which is literally so unreasonable and illogical. i could rant about her all day i swear.

love interest: 9/10, mamoru is so relatable, it’s not even funny. i love the way he speaks and i love the way he reacts in situations. he acts like he doesn’t care, but you know damn well the man cares more about mc than anyone else. he’s also surprisingly patient (which, few bidders are), as i said, the mc is really immature in this story, and even tho he acts annoyed, he never actually gets angry at her. there’s something really cozy about him.

final score: 74% (b)

recommendation: if you like action packed stories, i would recommend this story! with that being said, the mc really ruined it for me.

OTA KISAKI: THE DECEPTIVE ARTIST

plot: 5/10, it was too predictable. literally three chapters in i was like, “oh, i see where this is going” and sadly i was right! it was really dramatic, which i actually enjoyed, but the overly predictable plot ruined it for me.

pace: 7/10, the pace was fine, however i feel like mc realized she was in love with ota at the wrong time. i wished they would’ve picked a different moment (maybe later) in the story to make her realize she’s in love with him, or just change the scene completely. because it was like one moment she just saw him as her buyer and at the snap of a finger she’s in love with him, like what?

romance: 5/10, there was literally one romantic scene in the whole story. there were some other cute moments but they were completely overshadowed by ota’s attitude. also, the whole dog fetish really turned me off, especially because the mc was clearly uncomfortable with it.

mc: 7/10, i feel bad for her. she’s really submissive and shy in this story, but like it makes sense (i would act the same as her tbh, i’d be too weirded out to give any sass), so she gets a pass.

love interest: 4/10, ota is so unlikeable in the first season omg i’d almost forgotten how much i used to hate him. however, he becomes really sweet after season 3, you just have to suffer through the first seasons lmao

final score: 56% (d)

recommendation: i really like ota but that story was not it. i wouldn’t waste my coins, honestly. if you really wanna read ota, read one of his substories or any story after season 3, don’t bother with his main route. however, his cg’s were one of the prettiest, so hooray?

SHUICHI HISHIKURA: THE ALOOF POLITICIAN

plot: 8/10, i liked this plot. it felt more serious than the other stories, but that wasn’t a bad thing.

pace: 7/10, same problem as soryu’s story, the last chapters were hella rushed and it made the falling action pretty confusing.

romance: 7/10, it wasn’t very “romantic”, but there were definitely scenes were you could really feel the attraction between the two. i find they compliment each other well.

mc: 8/10, this story was not meant to be a comedy, but the mc made it one. she’s so stupid that it’s actually hilarious, i honestly couldn’t stop laughing at her cluelessness. usually i’d find stupidity annoying, but in this story, i loved it. it made the heavy storyline easier to digest.

love interest: 9/10, shuichi’s a vengeful bitch, which makes his soft moments that much cuter. i like how he has his quirks, and how he has a professional stoic side as well as a soft caring side.

final score: 78% (b+)

recommendation: yeah, for sure. however, if you don’t enjoy the stoic stern hard-to-read type, you might not enjoy this story.

HIKARU AIHARA: THE MYSTERIOUS HITMAN

plot: 9/10, i really enjoyed this plot. it was like a romcom mixed with a dark-ish drama, it was really unique.

pace: 8/10, the pace of the story was good, however i felt like there was a bit of repetition in the story, in scenes and in dialogue.

romance: 7/10, i absolutely love hikaru and mc’s bantering! i think they’re so cute and it’s just really funny to read. it’s subtlety romantic and you can definitely tell that they like each other. with that being said, hikaru’s treatment of mc at the beginning of the story really ticked me off.

mc: 9/10, okay, she had her annoying moments like she always does, but the mc is so funny in this story! she reminds me of the mc from our private homeroom. i really liked her.

love interest: 9/10, here’s the thing, if you don’t like tsundere’s... you’ll fucking hate hikaru, because he’s a tsundere to the max. i love tsundere’s sooo, yeah i loved him hihi. he’s fucking adorable and his dishonesty towards his feelings is really cute. he’s also a sad boy, which made me have a soft spot for him.

final score: 84% (a-)

recommendation: honestly, i did not enjoy this story the first time i read it. i think it was because i didn’t understand hikaru’s sense of humor at the beginning, so i thought he was just a dick and mc was an idiot for liking him, but when i reread it after reading a couple of hikaru’s substories, i actually liked it. so, if you like tsundere��s i’d definitely recommend this story, if not, steer clear.

LUKE FOSTER: THE GOOD DOCTOR

plot: 9/10, i liked it! it felt a lot sadder/darker than the other plots, but it wasn’t overly depressing. there were lighthearted moments throughout and i like how luke gave mc a job instead of using her for personal gain or pushing her around all day. it was also surprisingly intense, with a few steamier scenes here and there.

pace: 8/10, the pace was pretty good, but like hikaru’s route there were scenes that made me go “i feel like i’ve read this before...” there was a rhythm to the story, or at least that’s what it felt like.

romance: 8/10, this story was definitely more intense than romantic. they still had their cute moments though, especially towards the end.

mc: 6/10, the mc is so nosy, impatient and short tempered in this story omg. she’s so quick to judgement and she has no sympathy towards luke for like the first 11 episodes of the story which really bothered me. also, she didn’t seem to understand luke’s way of showing affection and it got a little frustrating. she’s just exceptionally bad at reading people.

love interest: 8/10. if you love sad sweet boys who are surprisingly hot, you’ll love him. his collarbone obsession might weird some people out, but i found it hilarious and it was the perfect way to balance such a sad story.

final score: 78% (b+)

recommendation: if you like sad yet cute stories, i think you’ll really like this one.

RHION HATTER: THE MAD AUCTIONEER

plot: 10/10, his plot is amazing! it’s so adorable, innocent and unique, all while somehow managing to make me a little emo. rhion’s also the only bidder (besides luke) who didn’t use mc for personal gain, he actually bought her for some sort of companionship which was really refreshing (wow, the bar is set low yikes).

pace: 9/10, the pace was really great, it’s a slow burn too, which i love, but the last couple of episodes felt a little rushed.

romance: 10/10, it’s probably as (or maybe even more) romantic than baba’s story. there are so many cute moments, even when mc and rhion don’t really know each other yet. the romance is really sweet and pure, but it feels so real.

mc: 9/10, i love how she interacts with rhion! she’s relatable in this story and her actions are sensible, she has a mind of her own and she isn’t afraid to speak it.

love interest: 9/10, it’s rhion. he’s so precious! his shy and sweet nature is such a nice change from the other bidders and i really love how he slowly opens up to mc. also i think his alter ego of the mad hatter is really cool!

final score: 94% (a+)

recommendation: it’s my favorite story on the app for a reason. i definitely recommend it, even if you’re more into the sexy stories, i still think you should give rhion’s main route a chance! i made my friend who isn’t even into otome games play it and she really liked it.

FINAL RATING: ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆

i’ll admit, trying to look past the human trafficking bs was really difficult at first, but if you can manage to turn a blind eye to it and try to remember that it’s just a video game and everything’s fictional, it’s pretty good. the love interests are great, there’s some action, there’s a some drama and there’s a lot of humor. the sub stories are really good too!

[eatingfireflies]

I played FE3H with Japanese audio (Dimitri and Kageyama Tobio are voiced by the same person and that makes me happy, you see), so sometimes I watch LPs in English and get surprised because that’s not how I expected the characters to sound at all. Like I love Chris Hackney and I think his post-timeskip Dimitri has a rawness that isn’t quite there in Ishikawa Kaito’s performance, but his Academy Phase Dimitri sounds so posh lmao??

When I mentioned this to a friend, they asked me to rate the three lords according to how polite their speech is and I went with Edelgard > Claude > Dimitri. Which isn’t really that surprising post-timeskip, but this is true for Academy Phase also. With some exceptions. 

Ofc this doesn’t take into account their speech patterns and delivery (like their tone of voice), and I’m going to talk about that more, but mostly I’m focusing on Dimitri because I think the way he talks is very interesting. And it’s not because I’m biased and love him best. Not at all. 

In passing tho, I want to say Sothis is another favourite. She uses the personal pronoun ‘washi’, which is the anime shortcut for ‘old man’ and the way she talks is honestly very old person (the kind who is kinda crabby and embarrassing and yells at kids in her lawn and not the kind of old that you’d expect to suddenly drop ‘thee’ and ‘thou’), but her voice obviously matches how she looks so the contrast is very cute?

Anyway, back to the three lords: 

Edelgard uses 私 (watashi) and あなた (anata) and her sentence construction is fairly polite. But she’s also very straightforward and (dare I say) bold–which fits an Emperor, but is also kind of rude otherwise. 

Claude uses 俺 (ore) and あんた (anta) and he’s just as laid back as those pronouns he uses. He talks like you’re close friends, which is ofc also rude in formal settings, but we’re not Lorenz. Post-timeskip he calls Byleth 兄弟, but it makes sense for them to translate that to ‘friend’ instead. (I mean, ‘sibling’ just sounds awkward.)

Dimitri uses 俺 (ore) and お前 (omae), which means his ‘you’ is more informal than Claude’s. But in contrast to Edelgard, Dimitri is seldom straightforward to the point of rudeness. Idk how to explain it, but let’s just say Edelgard would demand (politely), while Dimitri would ask (informally).

But that’s Dimitri on average. Even before post-timeskip and his infamous 失せろ*, it’s worth noting that Dimitri’s speech patterns change depending on who he’s talking to.

*translated as ‘Go away’ in the English, but I think ‘Get lost’ captures the mood better. Most sites translate it to ‘get out of my sight!’, which is also good but is kinda wordy. I’ve seen so many Dimileth fanart focusing on this moment–失せろ made an impact on so many fans, lemme tell you lmaoo. 

The first time we hear him speak is when he asks Jeralt for help, and he’s on full keigo mode:

Keigo is Not my strong suit so tbh I’ll have a harder time understanding him if he keeps this up, but notice below that he uses 私 while speaking of himself (well 私たち, since he’s with Claude and Edelgard). 

He also does the whole です and ます thing, which is the formal form that we first encounter when we’re beginning to learn Japanese. He speaks like this with Alois too–and most likely other people of rank–but not those who are sworn to the Kingdom, which makes sense since he’s their prince. For example, he begins speaking in keigo to Gilbert during their C support, but once they’ve established that Gilbert is Gustave, he switches to his usual informal speech. I don’t remember him ever speaking formally to Rodrigue. 

Jeralt is an older dude who’s the leader of a group of mercenaries, so Dimitri goes for politeness, but he drops this like just a few minutes later, when he’s talking to Byleth:

He addresses Byleth as お前, the same way he addresses Claude and Edelgard (who are his peers), drops です for だ 

and switches from 私 to his usual 俺. 

*Edited to include Ashen Wolves DLC info: Dimitri uses 君 (kimi) for Edelgard, when he asked her about her hair colour. Very interesting, and I’ll let you decide what that means).

I er, don’t have screencaps for this, but he will switch to keigo when he finds out Byleth has accepted a teaching position at the Officers Academy. (Like when you speak to the house leaders and ask about the students.) If you choose Blue Lions, the cut scene will address how they speak to each other–Annette will be all ‘Oh no! I was speaking to you earlier like you were one of the students!’ and Sylvain will go ‘It’s fine if the professor doesn’t mind, I mean, Dimitri is our prince and he’s fine with us being informal, right?’ 

This pretty much stands on its own in English, but with the context of the Japanese language, these people are actually talking about how they were using informal speech around Byleth their professor earlier and are they allowed to continue doing so? 

If you choose another house, Dimitri will start speaking in keigo during your first exploration and then go ‘I sound too stiff?? Well then [switches to informal] I’ll speak like this.’ Implying I guess that Byleth was all ‘You don’t need to speak like that’ while he was talking. 

I think it’s really interesting how this is a thing, like there’s Edelgard and her ‘you should never take things at face value’ and Claude with his schemes, but then it’s the earnest Dimitri who does this whole ‘public facade’ thing. 

Byleth’s assessment that some darkness is hiding behind that sincerity is kind of dramatic, but I do think the game does a good job of reinforcing that Dimitri’s not exactly putting all his cards on the table and that there’s a different side to him … without Felix telling us directly. 

失せろ

ETA: I just realised I didn’t come back around to the point I first raised: that the characters sound different in English. Dimitri’s the most extreme example of this, with just a few other characters that stood out for me. (Like Linhardt is less wordy in Japanese, but they needed to translate his attitude into words so that makes sense.) 

In Dimitri’s case I think it’s because he gives off a 真面目 vibe (majime; which is earnest or serious, but means a bit more than that) that they had to translate into chivalry because there’s no direct or easy equivalent. You can see how they played this up in scenes like the Battle of Eagle and Lion where he goes ‘For honour!’, but he just says

進めっ which is like, just ‘Forward!’. It’s majime but not chivalrous, you know what I mean?

(To those who want to know, yes, ‘Kill every last one of them’ is 殺し尽くしてやろ, so that’s a pretty spot on LMAO.)

The relaxed and informal speech might clash with the chivalry too, so it got lost in translation only to come back during moments like above.

[seijch]

BY DAY, you attend classes and sling drinks at the campus cafe. By night, you’re known as the Harbinger, an individual with the Gift of shadow and darkness. Your two jobs have never had any reason to collide…not until the appearance of a fellow Gifted by the name of Ace, anyway.

[ read luck of the draw here !! ]

this is an extra post for me to infodump on all the worldbuilding details i never got to fit into my already obnoxiously large fic 🕺🏻🕺🏻 its holding my brain hostage so maybe posting this will help!!!

please read luck of the draw before clicking the readmore !! there are spoilers abound (and you probably won’t understand much of what i’m saying if you haven’t read the fic LMAO)

ABOUT THE CONCEPT

the very core of luck of the draw isn’t actually unique to kenji or to haikyuu in general; in fact, it was originally a part of a superhero!skz series i was planning to write but never got around to. the foundation of this fic -- kenji’s power and the idea of them being opposing forces that slowly draw together -- was originally given to stray kids’ hyunjin. i never went past the Thinking Stage with it, so it was fairly easy to hand the concept over to futakuchi when i moved fandoms.

the dynamic of this fic in general was inspired pretty heavily by miraculous ladybug’s “love square,” but i ... obviously wasn’t going to write all four sides of it so i stuck to the civilian identities (the reader and kenji) and the alteregos (harbinger and ace). in the kpop version of this wip, the reader and hyunjin were coworkers, but in moving from one fandom to another and reworking it for futakuchi, i decided to make them friends instead. they’re not particularly close (they’re definitely comfortable but not close Emotionally) to start with, but there’s potential for something to start!

ABOUT THE WORLD

in this universe, the city is ruled by two major factions that control much of the economy: seijoh, who controls the entertainment/tourism industries and has its fingers in most of the smaller businesses around the city (such as johzenji and dateko) and nekoma, who is partnered with the equally large fukurodani to control shipment of all kinds as well as the food industry (among others). nekoma has allies within the local government, and seijoh all but controls the law enforcement.

karasuno, on the other hand, works entirely from the underground to overhaul the way things are run in the city; it’s a bit .... corrupt as of right now, and they seek to change that. 

at the top are typically individuals blessed with special powers known as gifts. these gifts can be as mundane as the ability to make flowers bloom wherever you walk or as powerful as being able to alter the flow of time. there exist a series of regulations (and a shit ton of paperwork) that come about whenever an individual happens to manifest a gift. 

however, the city’s gifted demographic is incorrectly represented; a chunk of the gifted population are instead drawn to the allure of making money by doing illicit deeds for companies like seijoh or nekoma. these individuals’ gifts are never properly documented due to the traceability it lends itself to, should a job go wrong.

the government is supposedly in talks to enact stricter laws on the gifted, despite them making up a comparatively small percentage of the population. the head of the department of gifted individuals, ushijima wakatoshi, is a particularly overwhelming force in support of better regulation of his fellow gifted.

ABOUT THE CHARACTERS

in the first draft of luck of the draw, the sequence of events and relationship dynamics were MUCH different. in the final draft, you see the alteregos being drawn to each other first before you see the civilians come together. 

in that first draft, it was originally centered on the civilians getting together despite kinda-sorta being attracted to each other’s alterego? as a result, the kiss scene between the alteregos was still there but it was DRASTICALLY different. the whole idea of it and imo moral ambiguitity (kenji and the reader never went official with their relationship in the first draft) didn’t sit right with me at all; it felt a little like i was using cheating as a plot device which ??? no.

to make the long story short, the execution of that (tbh poorly developed) idea was.......less than stellar.

so i took a look at the chronology and basically upended the entire midsection to make the concept something that was less awful morally? that’s what i hope happened, anyway LJSKDFLSD

in the first draft, the reader (as harbinger) was also much less competent than they are in the final draft as a result of having been affiliated with karasuno for a shorter time. in truth, the harbinger’s origin story didn’t surface until i was in the middle of writing the second draft!

when it comes to the other characters:

oikawa doesn’t have a gift, which is rather rare for someone with their thumb sitting so heavily on the city’s pulse point

iwaizumi’s gift is entirely up to interpretation! him and oikawa making formal appearances in the story was something that only came up towards the end of draft two, so i didn’t have the space (word count wise) to really give either much thought

kyotani came into his gift without any control over it, and is only given amnesty because he was found hiding by iwaizumi

i really really wanted to talk about kyotani in this fic but ultimately it wasnt revolving around him + i once again didn’t have space to even tease an encounter with him (so in the fic proper he’s mostly there as a cameo + to scare you as you read into a potential action scene)

aone and kenji actually come from the same company that happened to come under seijoh’s control, so they’re more comfortable with each other than anyone else!

hinata has the gift of manipulation as long as you’re making eye contact with him; unfortunately, if he wills it, it’s rather hard to break eye contact once you’ve made it -- aone made the mistake of glancing at him during the takeover at seijoh hq, leading to his hold on harbinger loosening

kageyama obviously has the gift of ice/hail/snow manipulation to a rather strong extent, considering he can create it where there is none and lower the temperature of the air around him (the reader cannot create their own darkness, only manipulate what is around them)

he also has some beef with oikawa (or is it the other way around?) that involves him formerly working under seijoh -- not one of their many smaller companies, but seijoh itself (much like iwaizumi and after kageyama leaves, kyotani)

in terms of who’s been with karasuno the longest of the introduced cast, it’s tsukishima/three-eyes > hinata = kageyama > reader (but not by much)

MISCELLANEOUS

following the takeover of seijoh, tsukishima finds himself at wit’s end much more often LMAO

there are a good amount of deleted scenes and scenes that were only added in at the very last second!

among the deleted scenes is a scene where the civilians are at the park -- in the first draft, it happened in the middle, but in the second it was towards the end. it got taken out because come the end of the second draft, i realized it no longer fit ...

in terms of completion status, it probably ?? took a little over a month from this to go from Thinking Stage to the 14.2k monstrosity you see now? there were a couple of weeks early on where i did nothing on my ipad and laptop except outline and write, respectively

i definitely got burned out halfway through (which is abt the time i posted the xc2 au .. i NEEDED to work on smth else)

the idea of the clock tower wasn’t present at all in the first draft!! i only really came up with it in the second draft because i’d rather have them meet somewhere consistent and identifiable rather than some nondescript building

the running joke (?) of them getting drinks together wasn’t present until the third and final draft -- originally the scene where ace asks “do you remember our last conversation?” had a different beginning

in fact, a lot of the scenes that are a bit more...emotionally charged (see: every scene after ace’s unmasking as well as the movie night scene where the civilians struggle to define what their relationship has become) had to be overhauled dramatically

ummm i love kenji thats it! none of this would be possible if i didnt have the strongest mf brainrot for him so ... ! theres that LMAO

(theres probably more im forgetting to say ........ if any of you want to pick my brain regarding the chronology or the characters or why i had them say something or do something send me an ask! this post tbh is almost entirely for me but i didnt put this much thought into a fic that long to NOT share it with everyone else)

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 244: Have You Read This Book

Previously on BnHA: Deku visited his mom on New Year’s Eve and was all “here’s a new letter from my ever-expanding fanclub of adorable preschoolers whom I saved from trauma” and Inko was all, “I’M SO PROUD OF YOU IZUKU I FEEL LIKE I DON’T HAVE TO PROTECT YOU ANYMORE” because she doesn’t watch the news at all or keep track of ominous plot developments I guess. The next morning, a.k.a. New Year’s Fucking Day, while other kids their age visited shrines or sat at home watching TV, Izuku, Shouto, and Katsuki were bussed off to go be child soldiers at Endeavor’s hero agency. Katsuki was all “HEY ENDEAVOR YOU’RE KIND OF A DICK,” and Endeavor was all “SHOUTO IS THIS VULGAR AND PUGNACIOUS YOUTH REALLY YOUR FRIEND” and Shouto was all “TOO LATE DAD, YOU SAID!!” and Endeavor hmmphed and booked it out of there and the kids all followed him and there was this old dude with a beard floating around screaming about END TIMES!! and Hawks was there and, what?? Seriously does anyone actually know what’s going on?

Today on BnHA: Endeavor chases down the old man (who may in fact be an actual prophet, though? Horikoshi what games are you playing) and sets him on fire and tackles him and it’s all very violent. Hawks then appears out of nowhere and breaks up BakuDeku’s tag team effort all “SAVE IT FOR THE MOVIE YOU TWO!” and is then all “hi Shouto” and “hi, you must be Midoriya, Tokoyami told me all about you, I wanted to work with you too, BUT -- [stares off angstily into the distance].” Then, because I forgot that Hawks never shuts up, he’s all, “Hey Endeavor have you ever heard of this book, ‘Paranormal Liberation Front’? Don’t let the really dumb-sounding title put you off, it’s actually a rousing tale full of hidden clues about all the bullshit I’m actually up to. I highlighted the relevant portions if you can’t be assed to read it, well anyways, Hail Hydra.” “Well that was a strange conversation,” Endeavor thinks to himself as he stares uncomprehendingly into the void. Sob someone please help them why are they so bad at this oh god.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity immediately afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

so thanks to that little stunt Horikoshi pulled two weeks ago, our chances of finding out Bakugou’s hero name any time within the next dozen chapters are slimmer than ever. probably he’ll reveal it at the end of the arc instead. it’s like he doesn’t even care about the databook. whatever I’ll have plenty of time to sulk more about it after I get to readin’

anyway the title of the new chapter is “Recommendation”, so... actually that does sound fairly promising, though? am I just eternally doomed to get my hopes up? is this referring to Shouto pestering his dad to take on his two best friends as fellow interns? what’s going on here

anyway so we’re opening with this

I love that it’s the two supposed goody-two-shoes kids who are actually being vocal about blatantly disregarding Endeavor’s orders. Shouto is just not having it to begin with, whereas Deku at least is trying to rationalize his own reckless behavior. Katsuki meanwhile is too focused on doing this fancy kick move to switch his suitcase from his left hand to his right to bother talking right now. reminds me of him playing with the soccer ball as a youngling

also the fact that his case is number 17 and Deku’s is number 18. have I talked about this before? I think I have but it was with some other numbered thing. anyways love the symbolism of him trying to stay one step ahead of him and Deku always being right on his heels. or maybe I’m reading too much into it but anyways rivals, yay

damn Endeavor is really determined to get ahead of them though

uh oh Horikoshi how much action did you pack into this chapter. starting to run out of time to finish all your panels again huh. you had a whole extra week! how fucking insane is this arc going to be holy shit

anyways Endeavor way to leave your brand new interns behind minutes after meeting them for the first time smdh. this is exactly how it went down with Hawks and Tokoyami

okay so like, I know a flash fire is an actual thing, but for a second I started wondering if in this kind of context (with him speeding off), it might also be a reference to the DC hero. then I remembered that the name of Endeavor’s technique is different in Japanese and the pun probably doesn’t translate. ah well

anyways dude is fast. but I wouldn’t count the kids out yet, they’re all pretty fast too!

so now we’re back downtown with Old Man Doom And Gloom, and oddly enough it seems that this isn’t actually an out-of-the-ordinary occurrence?

fucking quirk society. you guys are just so desensitized to the most bizarre fucking things. but I guess we in the 21st century are hardly ones to talk ourselves sigh

anyway now he’s being a bit more extra than usual and they’re starting to worry

?? the fuck is that? that sure as hell isn’t Hawks or Endeavor lmao. IF IT’S SLIDIN’ GO I SWEAR TO GOD

or wait, is it still the old man talking? should I actually be paying attention to his ramblings, my bad

is that a fucking Spirit Bomb

(ETA: in truth this is the most badass attack name that has ever existed or will ever exist and I should give it its proper due actually.)

so now I guess he’s hurtling it at them??

...hold up one sec

“revelations from the universe, I have received. flee, flee good citizens. the Dark Lord’s lips curl into a wicked crescent” -- holy shit, this all tracks?? IS THIS DOOMSDAY CRACKPOT MOTHERFUCKER ACTUALLY RIGHT ON THE FUCKING MONEY HOLY SHIT. ARE YOU A WITCH GOOD SIR. DID YOU WRITE A BOOK OF HIGHLY ACCURATE AND DEVASTATINGLY WITTY PROPHECIES BY ANY CHANCE

“the end is nigh! the wicked stars are conspiring against us! we must stop them! the earth is on the verge of being engulfed by darkness! flee, my fellow citizens! I am the one who shall destroy this source of darkness! be revealed! servants of the dark lord, come forth!”

okay listen. if he’s aiming this fucking thing at Hawks, though, after a speech like that? fuck it, I’m a believer. I’m sorry old man, I wrote you off without a second thought and here you are being the only one who’s actually like “HELLO!!!? PEOPLE!!!? THE LEAGUE OF VILLAINS!!?! THEY HAVE AN ARMY!!? AND NOUMUS!??! FUUUUUUUUCK”

and I don’t know where you’re getting your information, but those are some legit-ass universe revelations. fucking even talks about the “Dark Lord” specifically only describing his lips. because he doesn’t have anything else to describe nowadays, face-wise. shit that is spooky

anyway so that sure was unexpected. let’s see what shenanigans Master Roshi here is gonna get himself into next

did my boy just get fucking flashfired. jesus Endeavor show some fucking mercy

...

someone want to explain to this man the concept of a proportionate response? anyone? ...

fucking Todorokis I swear to god. if they weren’t all so good at being amazing superheroes, they could easily fall back on a career of being dramatic bitches for hire instead

anyways when did Endeavor change his clothes. this dude was wearing a turtleneck and slacks thirty seconds ago. did he literally just burn them off. how. what. fucking plot holes left and right

lol imagine if like on the next page the interns finally catch up and they’re like holding his fucking jacket and looking peeved

-- holy fucking shit, Endeavor

not cool, dude!! what the fuck. this isn’t a fucking Noumu for fuck’s sake THAT IS A HUMAN PERSON

(ETA: I guess he ended up being okay, but shit, for a moment it looked like we were going full blown Raiders of the Lost Ark over here. anyways the moral of this story is that Endeavor is terrifying, fuck.)

so now of course Nostradamus is trying to get the fuck out of there, because if he sticks around Endeavor apparently has no qualms about burning him alive. fuck me Endeavor, I’m still rooting for your redemption arc my dude, but tbh if Dabi happens to pop up out of nowhere here looking for some revenge I’m not gonna say no to it right now. quit burning people alive!!

so now 12/21/2012 is zooming down an alley and Endeavor is zooming after him and telling some extra with a sword to stay and lead the evacuation

oh??

Endeavor have you flown yourself right into a trap?

oh my god what the fuck is this

it’s like Dabi VS the Liberation Army all over again. fucking check all these motherfuckers who apparently want to get themselves deep fried. this one guy really thinks he’s going to clock the Number One with a piece of fucking PVC pipe

LMAOOOOO

LOOKS LIKE WE GOT OURSELVES A RUCKUS, BOYS! you better believe I have the Powerpuff Girls theme song playing in my head right now

-- !!!

HAWKS!! I WAS STARTING TO WONDER IF YOU REALLY WERE THERE TOO OR IF THE PANELS IN THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER WERE DELIBERATELY MISLEADING

LOOOOOOL

pour one out for these poor sobs who somehow got themselves caught up in an accidental pincer attack between the dynamic fucking duo and fucking Angry Bird here. where the fuck is Shouto btw. or is he the one that got stuck carrying Endeavor’s jacket

loool look at Hawks out here making friends

SURPRISE BITCH

oh my god though you guys look at this??

HELLO SURPRISE NEW FAVORITE SERIES OF PANELS, CAN I JUST TAKE A MOMENT TO LOVE ON YOU A BIT HERE, BECAUSE

1. Bakugou and Deku IN PERFECT SYNC, not even thinking about it. just effortless. that was an amazing tag team thing you guys had going on before SOMEONE stepped in and ruined it all omg. do you want me to talk to Hawks for you. I’ve been meaning to discuss some other things with him anyway so it’s not like it’d be going out of my way. can you believe this fucking pigeon blocked my number. WHERE IS JEANIST YOU BASTARD

anyways 2. “I thought Endeavor might have been in a tough spot” that’s a funny way of saying “I was lonely and missed my angry arson dad”! and fucking look at this ridiculous bantering between them. “did it look like I was in a tough spot?” I FUCKING CAN’T YOU GUYS PLEASE STOP

and 3. Shouto just watching. is he impressed by his dad? or just trying to figure out whether Hawks is his dad’s adopted son or boyfriend. I’m pretty sure it’s the former, Shouto, but I don’t blame you for being confused, Hawks just has that kind of energy with everyone

oh my god

somebody arrest this man. I can’t fucking deal with your cheeky fucking face Hawks

is Skeptic getting all of this?? are they sitting there with bowls of popcorn back at the League of Pliff HQ trying to figure out whether Endeavor and Hawks are dating

...and shit, I just realized the League officially knows now that the disaster trio is interning with the number one. so that’s fucking great. not that it would have been a secret for long, but still, things are officially starting to get real. in hindsight, after the Kamino arc we had a nice long stretch of chapters in which Deku, Kacchan, and Shouto were not in immediate danger from the main fucking villains, so that was nice while it lasted I guess. those days will soon be behind us

ahhhklkljkl

fucking shit Hawks could you be any more ominous. oh my god this arc really is going to kill me

so now we’re cutting away to somewhere. Pliff?

-- oh, nope, still in the same place, we just fast-forwarded to the part where the police came to haul all the bad guys away

and now the manga is being all clever and foreshadowing-y and would you look at this

BUT IS HE TALKING ABOUT ENDEAVOR, OR HAWKS omg. or hell, he could even be talking about Deku. or AFO even though he’s not actually there. point is, you know he’s not actually wrong. but what is he actually trying to tell us ahhhhhh Servant of the Stars please reveal your secrets

(ETA: in all seriousness you guys, I’m fully down for counting this as a prophecy. it’s already canon that future-seeing quirks are a thing, so. the only problem is that this is some Game of Thrones-level ambiguity as far as who he’s actually talking about. it seriously could be anyone. anyways at least we’ve got some shiny new theory material to play around with here so that’s nice.)

LMAO

HAWKS YOU BASTARD, JUST LIKE THAT I’VE FORGIVEN YOU FOR THE FUCKING JEANOCIDE

how does every single person Deku meets not greet him this way?? I sure as hell would. “well if it isn’t the kid who just. fuckin blew up his own hands on live television, multiple times. salutations”

anyways where’s Katsuki, the boy whose previous hero mentor you murdered in cold blood but he doesn’t actually know that yet. when are we gonna start in on that?

Hawks says he’s heard about Deku from Tokoyami. and he even says he would have liked to work with Deku too, wow. that’s high praise

ffffff here it comes, THAT GOOD HAWKS ANGST. WE WERE WAITING FOR THIS BUT IT’S STILL BRUTAL GAH

is this entire arc just going to consist of Hawks saying cryptic things with double meanings known only to him and then glancing sideways at the camera all broodingly omg

AH, THERE HE IS

Katsuki’s natural instinct to dislike 100% of newcomers on sight might work out to his advantage here. Hawks’s maxed-out Charisma stats VS Katsuki’s middling Perception stats which nonetheless have a tendency to land high whenever he performs an ability check! I might need to back off from this metaphor though before it becomes really obvious that I don’t actually play D&D

lol

omg Endeavor can’t a guy just drop in on his grumpy pal out of the blue to make sure he’s doing okay without having some sort of ulterior motive? why are you so sure that Hawks showing up means that plot must be happening. because you’re not wrong, is the thing. but he’s probably just being standoffish for show

holy shit and now Hawks is just pulling out the Liberation Army’s book just like that?? IS HE ALLOWED TO DO THAT

(ETA: “let’s see, what’s a subtle way I can try and clue Endeavor in on the fact that I’ve become an undercover agent in the Paranormal Villain League of Liberation Front Armies. ... ...shit I’m not good at this.”)

and since when was this book called “Paranormal Liberation Front”?? did they change the title to match the new name?

and what’s Hawks’s game here, though? is he going to play it as though he’s secretly investigating Pliff? you know, like he actually is doing? is this some kind of hiding in plain sight thing or what

guys. is Hawks just... actually really bad at being a secret agent. omg

so he’s all “DESTRO’S IDEALS ARE EVERYTHING WE COULD ASK FOR” and lol what. fucking look at Endeavor’s face though

this motherfucker could use a boost of his own wisdom stats, fff

(ETA: swear to god he’s two seconds away from a Katsuki-style “hah?!”)

oh my god

fucking fuck me. he better have highlighted a really obvious section of that book, because otherwise I’m not gonna hold out hope for this message getting across at all. at least we know what that “recommendation” title was referring to now I guess

(ETA: Endeavor: [reading the highlighted section backwards] “‘‘it’s fun to smoke marijuana’!? what in the --”)

loooool

the fate of the world now rests upon Endeavor’s abilities to See Underneath The Underneath and somehow decipher that when Hawks says, “ENDEAVOR I CHASED YOU DOWN IN ORDER TO GIVE YOU A COPY OF THIS BOOK THE VILLAINS WROTE, I THINK IT’S REALLY KEEN AND YOU SHOULD CHECK IT OUT”, what he’s really saying is, “ENDEAVOR I NEED YOU TO INVESTIGATE THIS SUSPICIOUS ‘LIBERATION FRONT’ THAT’S BEEN COINCIDENTALLY GATHERING A LOT OF ATTENTION SINCE THAT SHADY INCIDENT IN DEIKA CITY WHERE ‘TWENTY GUYS' BASICALLY DESTROYED AN ENTIRE TOWN. IF YOU’RE TOO DENSE TO PICK UP ON ANY OF THAT, I HIGHLIGHTED THE RELEVANT PORTION OF THE BOOK SO HOPEFULLY EVEN AN OBLIVIOUS DUMBBELL LIKE YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT.” jesus christ

at least Endeavor now has some nerdy interns who fucking love to read. hell, Deku has probably already read the book. please help this dumb jock to understand his bird son’s coded message, Deku-Wan Kenobi, you’re our only hope

and that’s the end of the chapter! except that I heard there was a new poster for Heroes Rising that was released as well! how come it wasn’t included here now I have to go hunt it down

son of a bitch is this really the best quality that’s available? damn

well all right. not really much going on here that’s a big revelation or anything, aside from the surprise inclusion of Hawks in the upper right hand corner. did we know he was going to be in this? and like, even if the anime does make it as far as his debut in season 4, will it have reached that point by the time the movie premieres in December? glad I caught up beforehand if they’re gonna start spoiling things like this

so that’s all she wrote for this week! databook is due out next week so that should be fun! we’re finally going to get Hawks’s real name from what I understand. so I can start yelling at him using his full name like a disappointed mom. I have a feeling that’s going to come in handy a lot during this arc. go to your room young man

(ETA: and just watch it be the Japanese equivalent of “Judas McMurder” or some shit. smh. y’all. we stan a shady bitch.)

[saigebeaumont]

- ̗̀ * ( robert sheehan + cismale + he/him ) have you seen ( benjamin ‘benjy’ magwitch ) walking around campus ? they are a ( twenty-three ) year old, studying ( political science ). we hear they are in ( rho pi rho ), and can be ( magnetic & irresponsible ), maybe it’s because they are a ( leo ). they sort of remind us of ( shiny red apples, walking on ledges, kaleidoscopes ), maybe we can find out more ! ( james + 19 + est + they/she ) *  ̖́-  + theatre/track

hi hello as u may have seen my name is james and this is my baby, benjy. i dont know how long this is going to get so pls bare with me

tw; fire? 

gen. info

full name: benjamin ‘benjy’ henry magwitch / joshua hollowood but u will never catch him actually using his real name tbqh

nickname(s): think of a random name. any century, any gender, any amount of letters or lack thereof. that’s it that’s his nickname. previous aliases that he has claimed to be are - thaddeus, balthazar, dante, romulus, etc., etc.

b.o.d. - july 31st, age 23

label(s): the icarian, the blackhole, the insouciant, etc. etc.

height: tall

hometown: ???

sexuality: chaotically bisexual

bio. info

let’s try and make this short n sweet

so like. y’know when a faerie steals a human baby and replaces it with it’s own, weaker, inferior baby? benjy is the human baby in this case

except they weren’t faeries

dorothea and fawley were two...somewhat, in love, folks--who had really wanted to have a child of their own. when they did, finally, have their child--he was very sickly and small and neither of them wanted their child to be weak goddammit

so they did a switcharoo, like...switched at birth except i’ve never ever seen switched at birth, and ran off with this extremely rich family’s newborn baby instead!

dorothea and fawley were part of a circus, and thus, lil benjy was raised in a circus !! how cute.

needless to say he was raised in a very nontraditional setting, like, homeboy was homeschooled bc they were literally always travelling, around the country and once or twice out of country.

despite that, he never doubted that his circus family didn’t love him or anything like ?? yeah he never called his ‘parents’ mom or dad, but that’s bc it was like...everyone was his parent.

dorothea and fawley told benjy that his name will never define him, and he could be anyone or anything he wants to be.

this caused a tiny benjy to be CONSTANTLY changing his name. like, almost everyday he’d just declare a new name and everybody in the circus would call him that specific name. even when he did acts, he’d go by a different name every single time

this carried onto adulthood and benjy still doesn’t tell people his real name very often. sometimes they’re sort of normal names n other times they’re fucking bizarre.

when he was seven he declared his name was ‘sock’ for an entire month.

grew up doing a buncha odd lil jobs and roles in the circus, from being a lil handyman like fawley to being a magician’s assistant like dorothea. t’was a lil tiny animal tamer (before the circus stopped using animals in their acts because we don’t stan circuses like that no we do NOT) at some point but reeeaaally liked tightrope walking and things as such

also tried his hand at fire-throwing/etc. etc. but the like eighteen (minor!) burn scars across his body will tell u that it was not for him and he gave it up to pursue knife throwing tricks and juggling

wasn’t rly ever around ppl his own age, also never had a smartphone before he was like eighteen or so--he’s not old fashioned but he can definitely be behind on the times

also grew up listening to primarily older rock/folk music/whatever the fuck music his family created/his own music

that being said benjy is good w a guitar but bitch cannot sing. he sounds like a dying frog.

he also did a bunch of petty theft but that’s bc some of the other folk in the circus did it and he was like huh. looks like fun. bc benjy is thoroughly an idiot but more on that later. so he got some shit on his record but he got them sealed when he turned 18, like, asap

but. benjy is a dumbass. he committed ANOTHER petty crime, because the boy has addictive qualities, and he left some dna evidence bc boy’s got some mf hair

surprisingly, it wasn’t through his records that they found him via his dna  but, rather, his real parents who did a whole ass dna kit thing for fun one day

this came as a shock to everybody involved, honestly, though tbh ? benjy didn’t care that much that he had parents who weren’t the circus, but that’s bc of his entire upbringing.

either way his birth parents wanted to like. y’know. meet their delinquent biological son and when they did they were like ‘woah woah woah wtf ur in a circus’ and he was like haha yeah

n that was...sort of it, for a while. benjy was 18, had his GED, n wasn’t planning on going to college at all.

the circus was still traveling, the world was all right, etc. etc, benjy maintained contact with his bio parents bc it was Polite to do

and then the circus burned down! somebody did a flaming knife trick when they weren’t supposed to and, long story short--the entire circus went up in flames. there were no victims, no worries, but their entire livelihood was gone and they were all effectively displaced.

when his Rich Biological Parents found out about benjy’s newfound predicament that he 100% was not responsible for whatsoever, they were like . . . . listen. we’ve got a Reputation to uphold, but we’ll send you to college.

he’s been here since he was like, 21, so he’s a junior i think ??

he’s majoring in political science but it’s like technically his first year as the major bc his freshmen yr he wanted to do anthropology and then he switched to mathematics and homeboy was nvr satisfied but now he thinks he wants to do smth w social welfare so he’s doing political science w theatre and public affairs as minors

personality

he’s got. a big personality

he’s got this sort of energy that attracts others but they don’t really know why bc holy shit benjy can be annoying

he’s just super intense ?? like the boy does not know how to calm down, he’s constantly moving around and being dramatic and sometimes whiny

pouts more than a person should averagely pouts

i wouldn’t call him a liar because he can be, very very blunt, and doesn’t know how to beat around the bush, but he likes telling half-truths simply to either confuse others or to just b a lil bitch tbh

he’s got big dumbass energy like okay he’s smart he just doesn’t apply himself very often and he just. does dumb things

gets into fights bc he’s a dumbass. like. he will purposely provoke ppl he doesn’t like, n when he’s drunk he’ll do it to literally anybody esp ppl he likes

also just. doesn’t know when to stop talking. can find ways to ramble about nothing, asks questions w the intent of being annoying, etc. etc.

his ~parents~ didn’t rly believe in modern medicine n they were just like ‘an apple a day keeps the doctor away!’ so he’s got this obsession w apples. literally is always chewing on an apple or a toothpick or anything he can get his hands on. he’s like a teething toddler, essentially

probably the dumbass who plays wonderwall at a party tbh

okay but fun fact! he’s super nimble and just. cat-like, from all his yrs of practicing n performing tightrope walking. if he falls over it’s because he wants to fall over and if he falls over it’s bc he wants ATTENTION

he loves. being the center of attention? but he’s also content with being in the background if it makes sense. he just wants to be doing something, anything

anyways he doesn’t take shit seriously at all like, i don’t think he’s ever had a serious conversation in his life ?

big slut for parties. he loves partying, he nvr knew he loved partying until he went to ucla but he loves it

he’s got an addictive personality so like okay. he’s not Addicted Addicted to anything specific (besides nicotine) but he definitely has no problem with drinking n doing drugs Often.

i mean he’s reckless too he never knows when to stop, feels like he’s tryn to be the Superior boy but he’s not and he’s probably overcompensating nowadays to deal w the guilt of accidentally burning down his entire life

drives cars too fast, drinks too much, has no problem getting into heavier drugs

also okay on a lighter note the boy used to be addicted to cigarettes bc he started fairly young but hoo boy he’s now on that juul game

literally he always has a juul on him. spends all his money on juuls

he works as a florist n a gardener for extra cash even tho his bio parents send him money, just bc its one of the only things that really calm him down tbh ??

also i meant it when i said he doesnt tell ppl his real name, like, ever. at least his first name bc he loves his last name but ? u probably dont know him as benjamin or even benjy, just smth stupid like marcellus the magnificent or booboo the fool hahahsdfgh

did i mention he casually juggles bc i genuinely cannot remember lmao

uuuhh there’s more i’m sure but !! i have a really bad memory!

i also dunno if im keeping his fc but we will SEE

he’s basically like....still a five yr old child

OH okay so i remembered smth else

he’s essentially a nomad which means he hates being rooted to ucla so he’s usually off drivin’ around the coast bc he’s bored goddammit but he always comes back bc he’s a loyal dog

speaking of loyal dogs. he’s got commitment issues. but not commitment issues? it’s sort of like. he gets really interested in things/people, kind of focuses all his energy on that thing or person, and then one day wakes up and is just. terribly bored. tends to drop ppl like that, esp relationships, and he doesn’t think much of it bc it’s Normal for him

but believe it or not, if u call him in the middle of the night he WILL show up, or if u wrong him instead of him wronging u, he’ll still b endlessly loyal

like he’s shitty but he’s got a heart ?

also like i said. he is chaotically bi. both chaotic and bisexual and also the two combined.

he’s chaotic neutral in general

wanted connections ?? possibly ??

frat bros - [hulk hogan voice] brother. he needs them

general friends ! - if u dont hate him then u just. love him, man. no inbetween

exes - he’s probably got...a few of these, because his attention span lasts like a max of two weeks

hookups - they also dont tend to last very long just bc of how he is as a person, but y’know. they good while they last

ex-hookups, specifically

ex-friends - bc he’s an idiot

if u really want to u can bring in a circus pal but firstly idk how they’d afford school but honestly. we can work smth out. hmu [kissy face]

roommate - do they hate each other ?? who knows

bad influence - they only egg on benjy’s dumbass behavior

good influence - probably forces him to study for once, or take care of his dumb ass

idk what to call it but like. ppl who HE eggs on to be bad, is generally toxic to the other person

anything else u want [another kissy face]

[crystalkleure]

Next week’s ChouZ episode: Who do you think will win? Free or Phi?

I think Phi’s almost definitely going to win tomorrow, ngl.

He’s showing off a shiny new beyblade, and new Big Bads don’t lose faster than they can be properly established as Dangerous Threats, so Phi’s not gonna get his ass kicked before he can kick off a good rampage.

So I think he’s gonna win, and I think there’s a chance he could TRY to smash Fafnir, but if so then idk whether or not he’ll be successful with that part. Bey-smashing is Extra Brutal Bonus Points, so it’ll lose its dramatic effect if it happens too often, and multiple spintops have already been shattered in fairly quick succession, and for specific reasons – Phi destroyed Leopard because Laban was a potential threat, Phi destroyed Achilles because…I think maybe it wasn’t totally intentional actually, like he wanted to steal more power from it but ended up breaking it before he could get what he wanted from it? He seemed dissatisfied with that outcome. And Phi destroyed Hades after draining a massive amount of some kind of energy from it [and then he merged it with Phoenix], which was potentially at least similar to what he was trying to do with Achilles I think? No subs yet, running with best guess.

So unless Phi is thinking Free and Fafnir are an extraordinary source of that resonance energy he apparently wants to steal, he may not want to “drain” [lmao irony] Fafnir, and thus destroy it, so much as he just wants to test out Dead Phoenix by defeating someone he’s deemed appropriately powerful. He might just want to “play” with Free [as Phi keeps referring to people as his toys, which is A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE TBH XFDCFGFV] and kick him around a little, without actually devoting the energy to going the extra mile and destroying him completely.

And even if he does it’s not that big of a deal tbh, Zoro is Right There to fix any bey damage that occurs. [And I don’t think Phi’s intending to Frankenstein any more stolen broken bey shards into Phoenix, because Takara Tomy has only released the Phoenix+Hades amalgamation bey, and hasn’t even hinted at a Phoenix+Hades+Fafnir abomination. They’d release more versions of Phoenix if it kept evolving in the anime. So even if Faf gets smashed, Free’s still got the pieces for Zoro to stick back together like, immediately.]

I guess we’ll find out tomorrow! 👍

[the-kipsabian]

6, 17, 23, 30, 47, 55, 65, 79, 86, 98 ~

6. What’s your lucky number?7 and 10 ~ cause. its my birthday and im simple as shit lol

17. Who would be your ideal partner?as this is a question of ‘who’ and not ‘what kind’ im just gonna take the simple route and say my man dan avidan 

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?i haaaaaaave like. a few times actually? idk what you count as ‘meeting’, like if it needs to be more than just getting an autograph or not, but yeah ive talked with few people. i did share a story somewhere not too long ago, hang on i gotta dig through my blog to find it real quickhere we go; http://nightmareantagonist.tumblr.com/post/182844927870/59154264 the first answer in this!

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?just one at the moment cause any more kills my neck. i do have three more on the bed tho, they just arent in sleep use

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?i dont. really buy expensive clothes? like pretty much all my clothes are either from sale bins or bought secondhand lol. but the few i have, most of my nerd shirts range from like $18 ~ $25 depending on the shirt? and thennn i have the two big ass hoodies i own, cause ofc i had to get the extremely limited 5 year anniversary grumps hoodie that was like. +$35 i think? and my austin eruption hoodie was a little cheaper, i think it came around $30? i dont think ive bought anything more expensive than those, i just. im very stingy when it comes to putting money into clothes tbh. unless its a hoodie or something extremely special. which is a thing i havent encountered yet lol

55. Most used phrased?fairly sure just any variation including the word ‘fuck’ is. way too popular with me lmao. ‘eat a dick’ and ‘aw hell yeah’ are also very popular ones

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?depends how you define ‘dramatic movie’. if you mean just drama movies, i absolutely love and will die for slumdog millionaire. if you just mean. a movie with dramatic stuff in it, probably avengers: infinity war cause like. ive seen that twice now and ive yelled both times. and high key cried. goddamn that movie just gets to me hnggg

79. Who was your first real crush?im going to assume ‘real crush’ means non-celebrity crush. which would then be this guy from eight grade. who was the only kid in the entire class that was nice to me and made like an effort to do that. so like. i crash landed hard for him lol

86. What are you allergic to?i dont. really think im allergic to anything anymore? i used to be allergic to raw eggs as a kid, which is why i dont eat eggs on their own like. at all. but its speculated that i might have some level of allergy to kiwis? but at the same time im fairly sure im just sensitive to whatever stuff is in them, cause i also get similar reaction to a much lesser degree when eating tomatoes these days to eyyyyy idk man food is just weird lol

98. Do you have any scars?if you dont count cat scratches (i saw my brothers cat like a week ago after a long break and he didnt like how much i was bugging him lol) i have. well not exactly scars but marks. one on my right shoulder when they took a piece of me for allergy tests when i was a kid, and one on my forehead cause i was a shitty kid and fell and hit my head on the coffee table lmao. the only thing i’d consider a scar that i have is on my right foot, like between the two biggest toes, where i had small surgery to remove a mole when i was like sixteen. its not very visible but yeah its there

get to know me uncomfortably well ~

[wardenalistair]

Please tell us more about Leon! Or any other npcs you don't mind sharing!

what have you done, anon

this’ll be long winded so under the cut

I’ll talk about only two of my NPCs cause otherwise this’ll get too long. Leon, who is technically a lycanthrope, and the current apple of my eye, hopelessly devoted to @wittyy-name‘s rogue Sephrius. And then Jelly who is the MOST fun to RP is my badass jiggly barbarian who @gibslythe‘s halfling romanced.

Leon-

Leon is the character I designed as the big bad in the latest campaign I wrote. He’s a lycanthrope but through favouritism from the pack’s Deity and being an arcana prodigy, he’s maintained his humanity past most other members of the pack. He is somewhere in his early to mid 30s. Can’t give you specific age even if I wanted to cause his birthdate is literally unknown. He has dark black hair, cut slightly shorter on the sides with a thick collection of dark curls on the top that usually sit at around mid-forehead length. When he’s not put together, his hair is a little wild and untamed, but as soon as he’s given at least ten minutes to straighten up (haha as if that’s even possible; he’s so fucking gay) its all gathered in place and cleaned up.His face is always composed and he is seldom showing more than a flat, almost disinterested expression, regardless of whether or not he really *is* disinterested.

Dark straight brows perpetually set in place, framing moonlight silver eyes that neutrally and carefully observe everything around him. He’s rarely clean shaven, not out of choice but mainly out of defeat, as his five o’clock shadow is more of an eleven o’clock shadow so he’s given up trying to tame it and just keeps it as a manageable stubble most of the time. Honestly really pretty lips that only very very occasionally curl up into anything more than a flat line of neutrality.He’s half human, quarter elandrin (high elf) and quarter drow - not that he knows that last bit - so his ears are pretty average sized for a human, with only a slight point to them to differentiate him from actual humans. Due to his half-human/quarter-elandrin bloodline, he’s pretty tall - six feet on the dot. Unlike the average half-elf, he doesn’t match the lithe, lean physique they usually sport. He has broad shoulders and is fairly well built - think Chris Evans à la Captain America build (thanks lycanthrope for the swollness). 

His usually attire is very clean in both look and legitimately cleanliness. Streamline outfits that fall somewhere in the black, gray and white colour spectrum. With the only really colour being gold accents but that’s only in accessories or small details on otherwise monochromatic pieces. Plain and crisp shirts matched with just as plain and crisp pants. He’s a simple man when it comes to looks, the only real necessity is that he’s put together.Studious and academic, he spends the vast majority of his free time researching more and more arcana to add to his already expansive repertoire of spells. He’s athletic enough to defend himself in hand-to-hand combat but his skills with weapons is very limited, keeping it as a last resort. 

The subject of him and @wittyy-name‘s Sephrius is a whole other matter and I will not elongate his blurb anymore than is necessary. 

Jelly Belly- 

Jelly is my Dwarven Barbarian lady who I want to step on me. Her intro to new people (in a thick and dramatized southern drawl) is “My name is Joanne Mary-Louise Anne Katherine Thompson but my friends call me Jelly Belly on account of ONE: my love for Jelly Bellies and TWO: my jelly belly” and then jiggles her belly. She a heavy set dwarf lady who will mess you up if you look at her the wrong way. She’s the Champion of my campaign’s small western town, which means she won an all out brawl that determines who gets to “govern” the town. Its hard to explain in few words. She doesn’t want the job tbh - some dude just whistled at her and she decided to fuck him up, but then people just kept coming and coming so she just kept knocking them out as they came. She runs a cattle farm which supplies the small desert town with resources but she’s not the MOST hospitable. When the party first came to her farm (unannounced) she shot two of the members in the foot only to be later courted by one of them.

Anyways, she’s a taller dwarf (which isn’t all that tall lmao) with freckles sprinkled over any and all skin visible. She has big, Merida curly, red hair that is usually down but sometimes whipped up into a messy knot on top of her head when she’s more involved in what she’s working on. She’s fucking TANKED okay, like will tear your arm off with a handshake tanked, with a big, round, jiggly belly that she is immensely proud of. She’s often dressed in denim overalls and a white t-shirt, occasionally a straw hat when its super sunny out. 

She has a bunch of cows, but her favourite is a red cow named Juicy. She got Juicy when she was a teenager -- well, her mom did with the intention of having her used for milk for a bit then slaughtered for meat. Jelly fell for her almost immediately and refused to let her mom slaughter her, so she’s kept her as pretty much just a pet ever since then and has her trained very much like a dog. She also has a bull named Steve that she has some beef with (haha) but keeps around cause she needs a bull. I’m pretty sure she’ll come around to him at some point but she holds grudges for now. 

@gibslythe‘s halfling named Nym asked her out to dinner and Jelly, a huge fucking lesbian, agreed if she won in an arm wrestling match. Tiny Nym was doomed and obviously lost but Jelly liked her so agreed to at least a drink. I rolled to see how their date went post-campaign and rolled an 18, then rolled to see how their relationship went and rolled a nat20 so they’re hitched now. It’s canon. 

okay okay im done im sorry that was lengthy. I have 100000 other NPCS who i love - my first NPC couple I created who have held my heart for years, my genasi cleric who is the daughter of a water god (also her patron), my suave af halfling swashbuckler who runs a mercenary guild, my one eyed and gruff dwarf merc leader who is endlessly annoyed by my halfling. It goes on and on. I love my kids okay. 

[arokaladin]

Hey there. I’m gonna tell the whole story of my shitty and much regretted qpr now, under the cut because I’m only really doing this to expunge it. You can read if you’re curious but it’s honestly not that dramatic. Please don’t reblog because this is all incredibly private. oh also its fucking long sorry for that.

k so, first things first, some context. My qpr was a girl I’d known since I was five. We’ll call her C. As very young children she’d sort of been the unofficial leader of our group of friends and was I think a lot more mature than the rest of us? And so our dynamic reflected that in that I was like, the cute one and she was the one I looked up to and respected a lot. We didn't speak much for a few months when we were eleven, because we’d started different schools (tho eventually she moved to mine) but apart from that we remained very very close and eventually she became the most important person in my life. 

The summer holiday when we were 14 is I think when we became this important to each other. For some more context this was also when I’d just started questioning and was resonating a lot with asexuality and later aromanticism. When I first discovered the words ‘squish’ and ‘qpr’ it was her that I thought of. In November of that year I explained the latter term to her while we were cuddled up on a sofa at a sleepover. By this point our relationship was essentially already a qpr, and we were so close/affectionate that a lot of people assumed we were dating. 

In early January of the next year (literally the third I remember this useless information because idk my brain wants to torture me I guess) I asked her to be my qp. Over text. Because I was too nervous to talk to her about it irl. That detail will be important later. Anyway I was very excited because I really believed at the time that qprs were the best thing for sliced bread for me personally. Looking back this was very obviously because I was mourning the loss of my romantic future and was relieved that I had a ‘replacement’ for romantic relationships on the form of qprs. I was working through a shit ton of internalised bull crap and had no idea.

If you're thinking that I just descried a situation that's not exactly ideal and that you know exactly where this is going, you’re right! However I was fourteen and a fucking idiot. A FUCKING IDIOT. Even just before initiating the relationship I realised my squish on her was a lot less strong than it had been last summer and I ignored that. because I was a fucking idiot.

Anyway when we’d been together about two weeks we kissed. Before that we’d been doing lil face kisses and were very affectionate, but this was the first time we’d kissed on the lips or like, ya know, full on snogged. I actually enjoyed this at first, I guess because ~novelty~ or ~milestones~ or whatever, and I still really like the idea of quick lip pecks and sof face kisses. Snogging was still less interesting to me than hugs though, something I communicated to C asap after we’d finished being sappy. 

Now, a quick detour into unrelated stuff because I’m trying to do this somewhat chronologically: Valentines day is not something we discussed. She made me a card, complete with her own art, and I didn't get her anything. because like I said we had not discussed whether we were going to celebrate the holiday. At the time I was mainly thrilled with the card and embarrassed I hadn't thought to make one, but looking back? probably she should have asked before catapulting us into a very romantic coded activity that she had no idea whether I would enjoy or not. Maybe I’m reading into that too much but idk. idk.

Back to kissing. There were maybe two months during which I was perfectly happy kissing C, though I think we definitely thought about if differently. To me, kissing was a fun new activity to throw into the mix (like I said not as good as hugs) whereas for her I thiiink it was more of a step up. My reasoning for this is that every time I went to kiss her on the lips or even be affectionate with her in any way really, it turned into full on snogging. 

Anyway remember how I had to ask this girl out by text? how I have the communication skills of a fucking gnat? yeah well I had no idea how to tell her to stop kissing me. I would just. Keep kissing her. Didn't know how to explain I was beginning to feel bored by all the snogging and more importantly if she started kissing me I p much just had to wait it out. This isn't an issue with her btw? I was kissing back and she had no reason to think I wasn’t happy (though she definitely could have checked in more? idk?) but basically I’m a fucking idiot. 

Oh also at this point I was panicking because even within my Back Up Relationship(tm) I was not feeling what I’d hoped I would. So uh, a lot of the my initiating kisses was because I liked them more in theory than in practice. And also because I was essentially trying to force myself to feel something. If youre now thinking wow, that sounds fucking unhealthy, then you’re right! I’m an idiot! Who the fuck let me navigate a relationship! Anyway this is when shit starts properly getting bad lmao. 

So my feelings about kissing quickly go from boredom to discomfort to repulsion. I’m still dealing with all the aforementioned issues. At this point at least subconsciously I am hoping C will break up with me. Tbh I was most likely hoping this at least subconsciously for the majority of my relationship! It’s probably late 2016 by this point. I’ve been fifteen since march. Anyway she finally notices something is off, but assumes its exam stress because I do shit with that. She and my other friends (read: just her but she roped other people in and they are visibly confused because for obvious reasons they don’t think I’ve been off recently) sit me down and tell me they’re here for me. I am uncomfortable. 

Then! Finally! She sits me down to properly talk about our relationship. Unfortunately she doesn't break up with me. However she has recognised by this point that I have become more uncomfortable with affection. Probably because my method for not getting kissed is now just. Pointedly looking away when I can tell she’s trying to kiss me. I have very vivid memories of her nuzzling against me, face very close to mine, and staring intently at the movie we were watching and ignoring her and feeling sick. Anyway we agree no more kissing. In this conversation she also asks what I'd think of her having a romantic partner as well as me at some point, which is kind of a dick move if you think about it. I’m mainly happy that I don’t have to kiss her anymore.

(sidenote that I also? grew a lot as a person over the year or so we were together and she decidedly did not. Which isn't a bad thing per se, people mature at different times, but I think even had none of the qpr shit happened our intense friendship would have died down because? our dynamic just did not work anymore. She was no longer the Mature, Respected one.)

However things are not yet over!!!!! No, things are actually at their shittest!!!! Not long after this conversation I admit to myself that I want this relationship to be over. I am uh. unable to break up with her. BUT WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THAT COMING!!!!! once again I’m a fucking idiot. Oh we’re also basically not talking by this point so my plan(?) is that maybe I’m being such a bad qp that C will break up with me. because I see that as my only way out. It’s horrible. I am filled with self hatred. I am basically having to blank someone I used to love for self preservation. 

Oh, and another detail. By now I am made physically uncomfortable by her presence. My romance repulsion is set off in a bad way just by her being in the same room. I am physically incapable of looking at her. We walk to and from school together every. single. day. I remember far too clearly edging towards the side of the pavement just to try and get further away from her so I wouldn't be physically uncomfortable and C not getting the message at all and edging closer to me to close the gap and me ending up pressed into people’s front walls or teetering on the edge of the road, not talking to her, looking at the ground, and repeating things like ‘don’t talk to me’ in my head. Things were not good lads!

Finally, in what I guess was early February of 2017, she stops us and she asks ‘have I done something wrong?’. Not sure if I’ve ever felt worse tbh. She was obviously fucking miserable and wracked with guilt (like myself!) and uuuuuh I felt terrible but I managed to get out that I thought we shouldn't be together. And then we finished our journey home in awkward silence. A couple weeks(?) later I texted another friend of ours asking is they hated me because I was sure I'd done something terrible and that C was the victim here. Still working through that tbh but I’m doing better than I was.

Anyway I had to spend a lot of time with C for a while, but thankfully we go to different schools now and we only see each other occasionally because of mutual friends. The time gaps are I think what have allowed me to get a lot more comfortable with her presence. The last time I had to see her I was able to feel fairly comfortable being in the same room as her, and I thiiink I was able to look at her too and even address her directly! However I have no desire to be close to her again emotionally and would rather I never saw her again.

As for emotional affects, I’m still dealing with those over a year on. I am no longer able to want a qpr, which is very sad because technically that’s still the kind of relationship I want. I have cried a Lot due to becoming closer to a new (much better) person because brain says this means I will hate her if I get too close. I’ve also had a freak out over being offered another qpr, even though! I desperately wanted it! That’s kinda why it’s so upsetting tbh. I desperately want to label my relationships and I want security but in theory I know it would not be a good move for me. Oh also I’m weirdly scared to re-watch/read/whatever stuff that were Our Things. like stuff C introduced me to. The stuff I have gone back to hasn't upset me at all but idk dude.

Anyway there’s the story of how I fucked myself over by getting in a relationship that wasn’t good for me at fourteen and have probably ruined my chances at navigating intimacy as an aromantic person forever. ya know, no biggie. I’ll probably fuck off to bed soon.

Take from this what you will.

[theonstyles]

Eurovision 2017

[leekycauldron-blog1]

Betrayal // Draco x Reader (Part Five)

Feel free to send requests HERE

(a/n: ayyy blaise is in this chapter and i made him gay cuz i feel like this fic is way too hetero tbh!!! also its fairly long but there’s smut as well so ya’ll better appreciate (i get really bored when writing smut lmao) sorry it took forever but it was longggg and i had exams)

Warnings: swearing, sex sex sEX

Word Count: 4.6k

Part Four

“I mean I knew he’d never actually wanna fuck, he is a Hufflepuff after all, but Merlin – you’ve got no idea what that can do to a guy’s self-esteem.” Blaise drones on in your ear, he hasn’t shut up about this fucking Hufflepuff guy since you got back to the common room almost an hour ago. An hour listening to him complain about how ‘difficult it is to be an attractive gay male in a school made up primarily of straight average-looking guys’. Except, he’s fucked more guys than you could care to name so either Blaise is over exaggerating the amount of straight guys or he’s just extremely good at seduction. Probably a mixture of both. All you can do is hum slightly as though you’re actually sympathising with his pathetic display of self-pity. You couldn’t care less. Not when there were more important things going on – like why the hell you hadn’t seen Draco out of lessons since the conversation with Harry and it’s not like you’re always looking for him but curiosity really took over after what Harry told you.

“’Hm’? Really Y/N? Have you even been listening to a word I’ve been saying? I was turned down by a Hufflepuff, a fucking Hufflepuff. The shame. You’d think it’d be the other way ‘round but-“ Blaise groans in frustration at your obvious lack of interest to his apparently dire problem. Maybe he’s worried that the guy would tell everyone and embarrass him, you know for a fact that won’t happen; Hufflepuffs don’t have it in them to humiliate someone else. But you decide not to tell Blaise that; the Slytherin in you wanting to make him suffer a little more for boring you with this.

“Why don’t you just fuck Theo? He’s always up for a shag.” You fake a light tone, a small smile to make it seem like you’re completely disinterested. And usually you’re not, usually you like hearing about this stuff but today you’re distracted. Blaise just feigns an over-dramatic yawn in response, rolling his eyes. He’s too damn picky. “Well don’t come crying to me when you’re pissed off over your sexual frustrations.” You huff teasingly and he just folds his arms across his chest, making a point of looking as though he’s in a sulk.

That is until you both hear the door to the common room slam shut, the sound echoing around the dungeon causing the room to fall silent briefly. An extremely angry Draco Malfoy had just entered the room. You can tell he’s pissed because his jaw is clenched so tight you can see it from the sofa in the middle of the room, his eyes are downcast but as he walks closer to go to his dorm you can see from his eyes that he’s furious. The room is already full of talking again, Draco’s rather dramatic entrance forgotten about in a matter of seconds by the majority of the people in the room but not by you. And apparently not by Blaise.

“Hey, Y/N.” Blaise taps you on the arm as your gaze followed Draco up the stairs and as you turned to Blaise, you see a mischievous glint in his eye. “Since you and Draco aren’t together, you wouldn’t mind if he was my next shag, would you? He looks super hot when he’s angry like that, don’t you think? Shame he’s strai-” Before another word could leave the boy’s mouth, you lift a cushion up off the sofa beside you and throw it directly at his head. His laughter at your reaction is audible even muffled by the cushion. Honestly, you’d have laughed along to his silly little joke if it wasn’t for that gnawing feeling in the back of your mind that everything really isn’t okay.

“One more word and I’ll hex you, Zabini.” You warn, a challenging yet playful look in your eyes and Blaise lifts both his hands in the air in mock-surrender. You love Blaise, really you think he’s one of the only trustworthy friends you have left in this school. “I think I’m gonna talk to Draco.” You tell him, ignoring the way his eyebrows raise in disbelief because not even he bothers Draco when he’s in one of his bad moods. “Good luck on your quest in fooling some poor innocent guy to sleep with you.”

“Good luck dealing with Mr PMS up there.” Blaise retorts, nodding up to the dorm and you roll your eyes. You can handle Draco fucking Malfoy when he’s having what you like to refer to as one of his ‘moments’, you’ve had years of practice. Draco’s never been the most chilled out person after all.

You stand outside the door to Draco’s dorm for a couple of seconds once you reach it, your heart thudding in your chest so hard you think it might break through your ribcage. Yes, from past experience you know you can handle Draco Malfoy when he’s having a ‘moment’ but now you’re here, you’re not entirely sure you can handle Draco Malfoy at any point after these past few weeks with no conversation at all. Your conversation with Harry flashes into your memory as soon as you start to doubt yourself; his warnings about the conversation he overheard between Draco and Snape combined with a memory of the look on Draco’s face when he entered the common room just a few minutes earlier is enough to pull you back to your senses.

A light knock at the door is all you do at first, hoping to god he hears it but there’s no response and with Draco there is always a response and so you knock again, a couple more times and just that slightest bit harder. “Go away, Blaise!” Draco yells from the other side of the door and you can tell from the distance in his voice that he’s at the other side of the room. Fuck, this probably isn’t the best idea really, coming up here to talk to him. If he’s not even willing to talk to Blaise, he’s definitely not going to want to talk to you. But despite that, you ignore his words and gently push the door open deciding he’s not going to let you in if you ask.

“Draco?” The word comes out as a question at first, your voice quieter than you anticipated it would be but it’s been so long since you were alone in a room with him and you shouldn’t be nervous because he was your best friend but you are. You never had any reason to be intimidated by Draco when you spent practically every minute together, now you sort of had an idea why people felt that way about him. “Draco, it’s Y/N.” He’s staring out of the window when you enter, his hands in his pockets and he’s trying to relax but the second he hears your voice his shoulders tense before he turns to face you. You notice instantly that his eyes are red as though he’s been crying, something you’d only ever seen once before but it’s so clear against his pale complexion that anyone would be able to tell.

“I told you to go away.” Draco’s words are monotone; he won’t even look you in the eye. You contemplate pointing out that actually he told Blaise to go away but you decide strongly against that. “What do you want, Y/N?” Tiredness, boredom leaks from his voice. As though he’s fed up of talking to you even though these are the first words spoken between the two of you in weeks. It hurts a little bit; you won’t deny that.

“You looked upset so I came to see if you were okay.” You’re cautious with your language at the moment, aware that often when Draco is in one of these volatile moods, the smallest wrong word uttered can cause him to lose him temper. You’re really not up for that being directed at you.

“I’m fine.” Bullshit. He’s talking bullshit and you both know it but he’s too stubborn to say anything and you’re too stubborn to let it drop. “It’s not your place to care about how I feel anymore. You don’t have any kind of right to come in here and start insisting I spill everything to you so you if you think that’s gonna happen, you might as well just save us both sometime and leave right now.” All you do is shake your head at his words and you can tell he’s trying his best to bite back an offensive comment of some kind – that makes you feel slightly better, at least he’s a little considerate for your feelings.

“Is that why you ended it then? Just a way to hide yourself away so you don’t have to face the fact that people want answers from you?” Maybe your words came out a little too harsh at that point but you can’t help it. Draco is so fucking infuriating. He didn’t seem all too angry with you since you arrived, just as though he really would rather be anywhere else but in a room with you except at your words, you notice of a flash of rage in his eyes; he holds it back though, completely aware of who he’s talking to. “Look, I can’t help that I care about you. I can’t just switch it off, not after all this time and I hate that you can just do that and it doesn’t bother you but I’m not like you.”

“I didn’t do any of this to spite you, you’re making it sound like I did it to hurt you.” Again, his eyes don’t meet yours as he speaks and you feel the hollow feeling in your chest that you’ve felt every time you’ve failed to catch his gaze – how in the world have things changed so much? All you can do in response to his words is scoff, you don’t fully believe that he did break up with you just to hurt you but there had to be some motivation behind it. “I’m doing it to help you, don’t you understand? I-I’m not the kind of person you want to be around, I’m not who you thought I was and I don’t want to go through all of this again with you so can you just get out.”

It’s the second time he’s told you to leave and it’s the second time you’ve ignored him. You notice the way his jaw clenches, he’s far from calm right now but you know he’s doing his best to hold it back. “Well thank you, Draco. Thank you for being considerate enough to cut me out of your life, how will I ever repay you?” Sarcasm drips from every syllable that leaves your mouth, Draco shakes his head in response.

“How about you leave me the fuck alone for once in your life? I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t want to talk to anyone. I have enough shit to deal with without you whining at me because you’re upset. There’s bigger problems in the world, Y/N.” Draco keeps his voice steady and as his eyes finally meet yours, you’re struck by how cold they are. Cold and uncaring, something you’d never experienced from him before.

“Bigger problems like gate crashing Slughorn’s party? Or the fact you’ve got Snape making unbreakable vows to protect you, help you. Except you’re not having that because you’re some kind of ‘chosen one’, right? Merlin, Draco you’re almost as bad as Potter.” Yes, you may be on good terms with Harry right now but that was comment you couldn’t hold back, you knew that would get under Draco’s skin. You can feel the shock resonating from him at your words, his eyes widening just the slightest but he regains his composure as though what you just said didn’t surprise him. Draco hates admitting when someone else has the upper hand.

“You can’t talk to me anymore so you’ve taken to stalking me instead?” His eyebrows raise questioningly as he studies you suspiciously, his eyes trailing down your body and back up to your face in a way that makes you feel more uncomfortable then you’ve ever felt around him. “I must say, Y/N, I never thought of you as being that desperate.” So. Fucking. Patronising.

“I wasn’t stalking you,” There’s no way Draco will believe you when your cheeks have already heated up from the embarrassment. Embarrassment over something that isn’t even true but it seems that your body is dead set on betraying you. “Harry overheard you and Snape in the corridor the other day, he told me and-“

“And then Potter and his little Gryffindor followers sent you to run along and find out as much dirt about evil Malfoy as possible.” Draco cuts you off and you feel shame run through your body at his words even though they’re not true in the slightest. Since when did he begin to think so little of you? And god, it made you so fucking pissed when he patronised you like that, it wasn’t something you were willing to stand for.

“Will you stop being such a prick for just one second and have a proper conversation?” You’re shouting at him now, louder than you’ve ever shouted at him before and you notice the way his eyes darken, now he’s going to mad at you. More than before. You chose to ignore it and keep talking. “Harry didn’t ask me to do anything, I barely even believed him until now. I wanted to hear it from you, and now I know he was right and whatever you’ve gotten yourself involved in scares me so will you just tell-“

You can’t finish your sentence though because suddenly, your back is against the door with a thud that you’re sure would have winded you if you were shoved against the wood any harder. Except you don’t have time to protest because Draco’s lips are on yours, fast and desperate and you’re wondering when the hell he even got close enough to do this but all you do is moan into his mouth as you start to kiss back. This is what you’ve been waiting for. Ever since you got back to school, you’ve been waiting for Draco to want you like this, to want you in an I-have-to-have-you-right-now kind of way and typical that It only happens in the middle of an argument, when you’re not longer together but you don’t complain as his tongue pushes its way into your mouth. And he’s still mad at you, you can tell from the way his hands are pinning your arms by your sides so tightly against the door you can feel the wood pressing into them. You can tell from the way he’s dominating the kiss, his tongue fully in charge and Merlin, you want to run your fingers through his hair more than anything right now but he won’t let go. Not that you mind; part of you remembers that sex with Draco when he’s in this kind of mood is always the best.

Draco’s mouth tastes of fire whiskey and chocolate, he’s been to Hogsmeade today. Most likely alone given the fact that you’d seen everyone else around the school today – where else would he get fire whiskey? The thought vanishes from your mind as his lips leave yours and you find yourself holding back a whimper of dissatisfaction because the way his mouth felt on yours after so long was just intoxicating… you’re practically dizzy from it. But your disappointment doesn’t last long because those lips you’re so familiar with are on your neck now and oh god, you can feel his teeth nibbling on that one area that he knows drives you mad. Your head tilts backwards and hits the door with a thud but you don’t even notice, too focused on the way he’s sucking on your neck and there’s gonna be a mark or several but you don’t care. Draco lets go of your wrists finally and your first instinct is to tangle your fingers in his hair until Draco’s hands are under your thighs. “Jump.” He murmurs against your skin and you do as he says, your legs wrapping around his waist as he starts carrying you towards his bed.

Draco drops you down on to his bed and you crawl backwards so you can rest your head on the pillows, watching as he gets on the bed, one hand either side of your head as he moves his face closer to yours, you close your eyes waiting for him to kiss you again. His lips touch yours and it’s soft and brief, barely even a kiss and more like a brushing of his mouth against yours. And then he pulls away and you can no longer feel the tickle of his warm breath against your face. Involuntarily, you move your head to follow his, just wanting to kiss him, to taste him again but your lips never meet and when you open your eyes, Draco is staring down at you. There’s a smirk on his face, amusement in his eyes laced with a sense of overpowering lust.

“I missed you.” Draco speaks finally and his voice is rough, probably from the excitement of kissing you but your pulse has quickened, your head spinning. “I missed kissing you…” His mouth is on your jaw, light kisses that make your heart flutter. “I missed touching you…” They move a little closer, now he’s kissing the corner of your mouth and oh god, if he just moved his head a little to the left you could taste him again. “I missed fucking you…” Your breath hitches in your throat at his words and his lips press onto yours again more forcefully this time, a whimper escapes you at the power behind his kiss before he pulls away. Fucking tease.

“Draco.” The word leaves your mouth without you even noticing, it sounds more like a plea than anything else, telling him to hurry up because you’ve been waiting long enough and he’s just prolonging everything – most likely on purpose. “Draco, please.” You realise you’re practically verifying his previous comment about desperation right now but you can’t make a single part of you care. You don’t even know where this came from, just minutes ago you were practically screaming at each other and now… well, now Draco’s undone his belt on his trousers and Merlin, you’ve been waiting so long for this. It feels like forever.

Quite clearly, your words have gotten to Draco as he’s not being painfully slow anymore, obviously the teasing was getting to him just as much as it was you. His trousers are off now, discarded to some part of the floor and now he’s just in his underwear and a shirt as he moves towards you, lifting your skirt up to around your waist before grabbing the hem of your underwear. Maybe he’s just as desperate as you for this, not even taking the time to undress you properly. Or maybe, he’s aware that neither of you have locked the door to the dorm and it’d be best to do this quickly. Now your underwear is on the floor also and you feel your whole body tingling with anticipation, watching as he’s now naked from the waist down and he’s kneeling between your legs.

“Tell me what you want, baby.” He purrs, lust laced in every word that leaves his mouth as he stares down at you. “You want me to fuck you?” All you do is nod your head to which Draco tilts his own in response, as though he doesn’t understand. You know he want to hear you say it, he always wants to hear you say, hear you beg for it. And so you comply, your words coming out shakily as you tell him how fucking badly you want him, need to feel him inside you. The words seems to satisfy him enough as he shuffles a little closer to you.

Draco moves one hand to your hip as he moves himself closer to your entrance, guiding himself in position with the other hand and you’re fully aware of how aroused you are right now. A moan escapes your mouth as he enters you, his movement slow but both his hands are gripping your hips so tightly as he pushes into you that you think there will probably be a mark or two when this is done. You can hear Draco’s breathing halt as he pushes into you, a small groan of pleasure leaves his lips once he’s all the way in and when you look up at him, you see the way his eyes are closed, his jaw slightly ajar. Beautiful. Draco only gives you a few seconds to adjust before he starts to move his hips and gods, it feels so fucking good. He takes your sounds of pleasure as a cue to speed up his movements, using his grip on your hips as a way to pull you down to meet his thrusts and that only serves to let him go deeper inside you.

With each thrust into you, he gets faster and harder to the point where your body jolts up the bed each time, the bedframe smashing against the wall. If the common room is quiet enough, there’s a significantly large chance people down there could hear you but neither of you can find it in you to care right now. Especially not when Draco hits that one spot inside you that makes your eyes roll back into your head briefly and he knows he’s found it from the way you grip the bed sheets more tightly than before, the high pitched moan that echoes around the room. “Fuck, Draco. Oh- fuck.” You’re barely able to keep the words in your mouth, not even aware that you’re speaking really. You can feel a heat building up in the core of your body, your stomach tightening and it gets harder to breath in between moans and curses and Draco’s name leaving your mouth.

The sound of your name from his mouth as Draco’s thrusts become more erratic echoes around the room and you know you’re not going to last much longer, neither is he judging by how every breath that leaves his mouth is followed by the most erotic sounds. Fuck, you’d give anything for this to last forever but it can’t and it definitely isn’t going to. In fact, it only takes a few more thrusts before you come undone beneath Draco, your whole body enveloped in pleasure. For a second, all you can feel is the how good you feel, not even aware of what’s actually going around you until you come to your senses as Draco pulls out and collapses on the bed beside you, one arm loosely hanging over your waist as he regains his energy.

You let your eyes trail over the blonde figure beside him, his hair slightly wavier than usual because of sweat, eyes closed only just as his breathing slows down to a normal level. It hurts a little, that you can’t have this all the time anymore. Unless this means he’s willing to try again but you doubt that. Although, you do have a small hope that maybe you can start to talk again now, now you’ve had sex there’s no way he can go back to just acting like you don’t exist. You sigh a little, gently lifting his arm off of you as you swing your legs over the edge of the bed to search for your underwear, standing up as you slide them on. Maybe when you’ve both recovered you can have a talk; not necessarily about Draco’s problems or anything to do with either of you, just a chat about practically nothing seems good enough for you.

“You need to leave now.” A jolt of fear or anger or sadness – you’re not sure which – shoots down your spine as you hear Draco’s voice from behind you, still slow from exhaustion but his words are firm. “This was mistake, Y/N, you have to go. Now.” This isn’t like Draco, this isn’t him. He doesn’t do things like this. Yeah, maybe he’d fuck someone and tell them to leave straight after but not you. He wouldn’t do that to you. Except he has and you will yourself not to tear up but god, how can he break your heart this much with just a few words?

“Are you serious?” Dammit, why does your voice have to sound so small and pathetic? You spin round to look at him and he’s stood at the other side of his bed, fastening his belt and tucking his shirt in. You half expect him to look at you with that amused expression he always does when he’s playing a trick on you but instead he glances at your briefly and shrugs. “I’m not your fucking whore, Draco. I’m not here for you to just have fun with and then forget about until you feel like it.” Your voice is raised now, anger is definitely what you feel as you look at him.

“Then why did you go along with it?” He shouts at you, his eyes flashing with the same anger that must be resembled in yours and you feel your heart sink at the fact that he doesn’t even deny what you said. “No, look, it wasn’t like that and you know it.” Sometimes you hate the way Draco can go from yelling to perfectly calm within the space of a few seconds like he did just now but you know from the steady tone of his voice that he’s still angry. “It- that wasn’t supposed to happen. I don’t know what came over me but it wasn’t meant to happen.”

“But it did happen. Whether you wanted it to or not, it happened.” Given the fact Draco’s lowered his tone, you make an effort to do the same but your words a still sharp.  “You have no right to treat me like shit just because we’re not dating anymore, you’ve got no fucking right.” As you observe his face, you notice that he looks a little hurt by your words. This is something that you can’t quite understand because right now, he’s the one in the wrong, he’s the one who fucked everything up again just when you thought things could be okay.

“I’m doing this to protect you!” You laugh in disbelief at his words; typical of a Malfoy to always want to come across as noble even when they’re so clearly out of order. “Don’t you understand? We can’t be together because it’s not safe! You’re not safe with me.” He’s serious, you notice by the frantic tone of voice he has, his wide eyes that show you he’s definitely not saying this to scare you aware. That’s when you realise you’ve never seen Draco look scared before, not completely and totally terrified. That is, not until you saw the emotion briefly flash over his features, quick enough that anybody else who didn’t know the difference between the real Draco and the tough façade he wears every day wouldn’t have noticed it but you do.

“Maybe I’d understand if you actually told me what’s going on. Talking in riddles isn’t helping either of us.” Draco’s eyes are practically pleading with you at this point to just stop asking questions because he wants to tell you, you know that now but he can’t. A small shake of his head as he averts his eyes to the floor confirms your assumptions and you can’t hide the disappointment you feel. “Didn’t think so.” Those are the last words you say before you exit the dormitory and Draco doesn’t even attempt to stop you. He was completely right before – this was a mistake.