#tbh I've been having a rough week and this just makes it feel idk

[weebsinstash]

Hey guys! I've got good news and I've got bad news and I need your help!

So I wound up suddenly moving out of my abusive home, which is great! But unfortunately I have to manage my money real tightly and in the excitement of moving, Allister has become dangerously constipated and needs emergency vet care. Between my move and my job, I was running all over the place, and kept forgetting he was having bathroom problems, keep forgetting to buy him a laxative, and medicine for him was with my mom and she, was being difficult and hard to reach, so what has been a preventable treatable problem has now become an emergency, albeit an easily fixable one as long as I get to the vet in time, which I'm going today since he is older and we are reaching a critical window

I have to either choose between taking him to the vet and paying my November rent, but with the emergency vet having payment plans and it still being the middle of the month, I think I can squeeze it if I have a little help! I got a recent raise at my job, I'm maxing 40 hours every week, and I'm trying to look into a second job (although i would have to walk home and my area is... rough), and I can even open commissions if absolutely necessary down the line (although right now is an emergency! And also my laptop is um not working very well tbh so even commissions are a little difficult right now unless i use my phone...)

Anyways, I think I have all the money I need to take him to the vet today, but it's going to leave me short on rent by several hundred dollars, especially since I'm also paying utilities now. I know I haven't written anything solid in a while but at this point like you could donate and make a general request maybe, idk, you can DM me for more details

Allister is 11, so I know he's getting up there, but he's my best friend. I've had him since birth. I love him so much. He's all I have right now in terms of physical company and I can't lose him when I'm going through such an important transition in my life

My kofi is here if you're able to donate, and please help boost if you feel comfortable! These are unusual circumstance with me having moved into my own apartment for the very first time, and I guess I've just had too much on my plate. I would really appreciate any help or support or words of encouragement anyone can give, and keep your fingers crossed for Allister!

(I moved phone storage recently and don't have any good photos of him besides this, but listen to his happy purrs. Look at my handsome happy little man 🥺❤️)

[shroudedunderworld]

Hands

What I think the boys hands are like (in a non sexual way stfu)

Characters: Jamil Viper, Idia Shroud, Jack Howl, Trey Clover

A/N: My first fanfic/hc work that I wanna post because I've been tempted to start but idk I've just been hesitant, please enjoy and send requests if you want! Also the drabble parts kinda get longer with each character I'm sorry I couldn't control it lol 🧡

Gender neutral reader, established relationship in Jack and Trey's parts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jamil Viper

Soft hands

Very gentle

Long and slim fingers

His hands have a very comfortable warmth to them, even in winter

They never get sweaty. Like...absolutely never. It's almost weird

"Jamillllll!" Yuu whined. "My hands are cold!"

"Well I told you to bring gloves," Jamil sighed. Yuu never listened, insisting that they'd be fine because "the cold never bothered them anyway!"

Yeah no, it was mid winter, and incredibly cold.

"Please! At this rate I'll get hypothermia! Or frostbite!"

Jamil rolled his eyes, taking his hands out of his pockets and encasing Yuu's hands in his own.

"There, is that better?" Jamil asked.

Yuu nodded, feeling very happy with this outcome. You see, they weren't exactly THAT cold, they just wanted an excuse to hold his hand.

Idia Shroud

Bros got cold hands lol

But it's like that comfortable cold if ykwim

His fingers are also long and thin

And he has that skin whiter than Casper The Ghost so you can see a lot of his veins

Since he's a gamer boy too, his hands tend to be a little shaky when not occupied

I just wanna hold his hand tbh I love him

Idia jumped in surprise when his bedroom door suddenly (and loudly) slammed open and in stomped Yuu, red faced and slightly sweating.

"Um..." Idia hesitated. "Are...you okay?"

"No! I am not okay!" Yuu growled in a frustrated manner. "It's hot as balls out there and Coach Vargas had us run a mile before making us play a horribly intense round of capture the flag! And of course I just HAD to be the one to go against Jack who's naturally good at everything workout related!"

"Woah, bummer," Idia had no idea how else to respond, Yuu had already been panting and sweaty when they entered his room, but now after their vent, it seemed like they could hardly breathe.

"And now I have a horrible headache and feel like I'm going to die of heat stroke!" Yuu sat on Idia's bed, looking dejected.

Idia stood from his gaming chair and grabbed a soft cloth before sitting beside Yuu.

"Idia, what are you doing?" Yuu asked a slightly red faced Idia.

"I uh..." Idia paused. "Just...just be quiet and put your head down!"

Yuu did just that, and Idia used the cloth to wipe the sweat off of the back of Yuu's neck. He then placed his hands there, feeling just how hot it was.

"Great sevens your hands are cold!" Yuu exclaimed. "But that does feel nice..."

Idia smiled, glad he was doing something right.

(Sorry that was really long I've had Idia brainrot for like two weeks-)

Jack Howl

Big hands big hands big hands-

Another man with warm hands

Sort of rough and callused to the touch

But he knows he's strong so he tries to be gentle

Still very pretty hands, like Hozier's but with thicker fingers

My dirty thoughts are taking over JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL-

"JACK!" Yuu yelled before pouncing on Jack's back, clinging like a koala. He dropped the ball he was holding to quickly secure his hands around Yuu's legs to keep them in place.

"Hey Yuu, what brings you here?" Jack crouched, and Yuu dropped to the ground.

"Nothing really," Yuu said, smiling. "It's just a really nice day so I figured you'd be out here!"

Jack's ear twitched before his tail began wagging subtly. Of course Yuu knew that, with the warmth of the sun and the cool breeze, Jack would take the advantage to be outside.

"Ah yeah," Jack said, unsure of exactly what to say. "I just thought I'd do some outdoor training while the weather's nice."

Yuu smiled and picked up the ball Jack was holding before.

"I never knew you liked rugby!" They said in wonder. Jack's ears flattened slightly in embarrassment.

"I'm not really into football," he said. "But I do like rugby. I find it fun."

Jack reached out to take the ball from Yuu, his hands brushing over theirs. He tucked the ball under his left arm as Yuu grabbed his right hand.

"You have nice hands..." Yuu said as they inspected Jack's hand, playing with his fingers and running their own over the back of his hand. Jack's ears flattened to the sides even more and he felt his face heat up, but his breaking point was when they raised his hand a bit and placed a gentle kiss on it.

He couldn't focus on anything after they said goodbye and left. He just sat in the cool grass, looking at his hand, still blushing at the thought of their lips on it.

Yuu broke him. It's his first relationship cut him some slack!

Trey Clover

He also has long slender hands and fingers

And his can range between being warm and being cold

Usually though his fingertips are cold but his palms are warm

His hands are always clean, a habit he picked up because of baking is constant hand washing

It's obviously not a bad thing, I'm just saying he's always washing his hands out of habit

Trey whistled a cheery tune as he mixed the egg whites and the sugar for his meringue. Once the desired stiff peaks formed, he retrieved the ice cream and cake layers from the freezer, finally coating the treat in the meringue.

Yuu walked into the kitchen, sighing happily at the scent of the sweet treats their beloved was making. They wrapped their arms around Trey, hugging him from behind and leaning into his back, enjoying the comforting warmth.

"Whatcha makin?" They said lazily. Trey smiled.

"Baked Alaska," he said. "I've never made it before, but it seems to be going well! I'm almost done, I just need to torch the meringue."

Trey grabbed the crème brulee torch he had on the side and lit the baked Alaska, watching it be consumed in gentle orange and blue flames.

Soon enough, they extinguished themselves and the meringue had a beautiful, crispy golden brown shell.

"Wanna try some?" Trey asked, and Yuu nodded excitedly, watching as he carefully sliced the baked Alaska and offered them a spoonful of the treat. They gladly accepted it, and it was absolutely delicious. Trey chuckled quietly and used his thumb to wipe a bit of ice cream off of the corner of Yuu's mouth.

His hands were gentle, and Yuu couldn't stop watching everything they did. He moved gracefully, but his hands especially so. As he washed his hands, grabbed something to cover the rest of the dessert, placed it in the fridge, cleaned up his workspace, all Yuu could do was watch how his hands worked.

"You're staring," Trey observed, not looking up from where he was wiping the counter. "Is something up?"

"Nah," Yuu said. "You just have really pretty hands."

Trey stopped working and looked at Yuu, then at his hands, and back to Yuu.

"You really think so?"

Yuu nodded, placing a hand atop his, running their thumb along the back of his hand and smiling gently, which in turn, caused Trey to smile as well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And we done! Lmk what you thought and if you think I should write more!

💥~Akira~💥

Also bonus for what I mean by Jack's "Hozier Hands"

Hozier has like the prettiest hands I'll cry

[mcalhenwrites]

I'm having a rough time, and editing Seasons has been one of my only solaces lately. I've been wanting to work on other stories, but my heart just hasn't been in it. I don't think those side stories for Geckos are getting published in August, either. I don't even have them finished. I might work on them a bit this weekend during the lull. We'll see if I have energy?

About to get TMI and personal, though I don't want to get into some of it. I just know I want to make myself small and unseen and not a problem/burden, bc I sure as hell feel like one. I relate pretty hard to Shannon's character for a reason. :') (Right down to the suicide thoughts and attempts.) Anyway. My health plunged recently. My fibro has been in a real bad flare the past... Week and a half, I think? It has been excruciating at times. I call it my hugs of pain bc it really loves my upper back/right arm (all the way down from neck/shoulder to my fingertips). And I have no idea if I'm menstruating right now (I think I might be) bc I've been bleeding nearly every fucking day since I got an IUD inserted in late June. I've had these almost contraction-like pains but more focused on the right side of my abdomen. That's where I have a cyst that's nearly 3" in size, confirmed by an ultrasound the same day the IUD was put in. I get them frequently, but idk if it's the size of this one or the IUD or a mixture of both, but I'm having a rough time of things. I've called about it and thought the pain had eased up, but it keeps coming back. And yes, I do know what contractions feel like, so don't dare come at me for saying I'm describing something I've never been through. Financially, I just... I am struggling like hell and I'm so sick of it. I'm worn out from all this pain I'm in, but I'm still trying to do things like write (which is falling flat on its butt outside of Seasons), work my weekend job, keep things clean, run errands, and think of merchandise ideas for the tables I sell at. It's all complicated. Oh, I have been playing Wylde Flowers as a distraction too, though that kind of went weird when we had a tornado warning and I had to shut it off??? It was very unexpected, and luckily it didn't hit my area - well the derecho did, but the tornado was huge just very short-lived. Thank goodness. It was down and up again, I think. I thought I might deal with them less in Iowa but now I'm missing Kansas! Speaking of... the worst thing about this entire fucking financial situation is that I can't afford a house so I can get my dog back. My mom sends me frequent photos of him (and her dog too but I don't miss her that much tbh). He's such a good boy and I miss his sweet hugs and stinkiness. :( Yes, I miss him being stinky. Leave me alone. My dog is the best, and now that I work in a place where I see dogs and get to pet a few of them every day, I miss him even more. But he wouldn't adjust to apartment life. He's a pyrenees mix who weighs over 112 lbs right now, and he hates being photographed but will actually let my mom take them now if she says they're for me. ;A; Sweet boy! BEST BOY. God I miss him and he's turning ten in October and I'm afraid he's gonna get old and pass away before I get him back.

[deep-space-lines]

Have you ever wanted to draw something but you fought due to your skill level at the time you decide not to do it

Honestly I don't think there's been a time in my life where I haven't experienced this. There's a file on my ipad I've had on the backburner for like probably over 4 years now; there's a really clear image in my head of a poster showing the detailed anatomy of an astronaut from the perspective of aliens who believe the spacesuit to be part of its body, and every time I come back to it, I keep saying I'll do it later because I just can't pull it off yet :') so yeah the struggle is real

That being said, I've personally found that apart from just 'don't draw it and let it haunt you for years until your confidence improves', there's two solutions that work for me

1: Just draw it the best you're able now, with the knowledge that it might suck (in your eyes) but there's no rule that says you can't come back and re-draw it a few months or years down the line once you've learned more, if you still want to. It can be super frustrating if you have a really concrete awesome image in your head that you know you can't execute the way you'd like, but treating it more like a rough draft than something that has to be perfect the first time around can help get around this. Genuinely I think about this post all the time now, I think it rewired my brain chemistry as an artist. Just accept it'll look bad, who give a shit!!!! If you draw the rough draft now, it'll either turn out better than you expected, or you'll figure out what you struggled with for next time. Either way you'll at least temporarily get The Image out of your head and satiate the Art Beast.

Which leads into...

2: Figure out if there's a specific aspect of the Thing that intimidates you the most and put some time into low-stakes practice with the skill that's blocking you. Usually it's gonna be something like perspective, anatomy, rendering/painting, struggling with dynamic poses, etc.

Starting a completely new skill from scratch sounds intimidating, but you're not starting from scratch, and if you sit yourself down and give it some dedicated practice, you WILL see improvement within the same day. Keep it up for a week or a month and you'll have learned a lot. If it's dynamic perspective, tell yourself "ok I am GOING to learn how to draw with perspective" and mess around with references, look up tutorials, draw other art pieces with perspective until you feel like you have a somewhat decent grasp of it. If it's anatomy or dynamic poses: (once again, cannot stress enough) use references. Trace and then copy references until you get a feel for the shapes (AdorkaStock is really good), practice figure drawing (Quickposes, Line of Action), watch Proko because they have really good videos on these things (1) (2) (3).

'Practice makes perfect' is simultaneously very correct and very unhelpful advice, but if you've got a good grasp of the fundamentals of art, picking up specific, individual skills to a 'good enough' level is not nearly as time-consuming and frustrating as trying to just get better at 'art' as a whole. It can be really good motivation tbh (at least for me), to have an image of something I want to create and telling myself "I am going to intentionally practice [indoor environments]/[perspective]/[faces]/[painting with unrealistic colors]/[insert specific skill] for a few weeks until I feel confident enough to draw this thing".

anyway sorry that was so long. idk if this is any help, just my personal experience

[golbrocklovely]

idk if you’ve seen but kong pham just uploaded a podcast with snc

it was filmed months ago though i’m pretty sure because it seems like it was before colby did chemo?

anyway around 37 minutes in colby talks about how he had a break down and just cried about everything last year and it shocked me i can’t lie… i hope it made him feel better though

yeah it was filmed back in april right before colby went thru chemo. i was a bit confused as to why sam never mentioned kat and him breaking up, and now it makes sense since they didn't announce they broke up until may (even tho they had broken up back in march) lol

and yes, it was really shocking to hear about colby breaking down, but also at the same time…. it makes total sense. a lot of us on here have been saying for a long time that last year was a really rough time for colby. the later half of the year was just a shit storm for so many reasons towards him, he himself even said he wasn't feeling his best at the time, and it makes so much sense that he would have had a break down finally after years of holding everything in.

i might be making a controversial opinion here, but everyone hear me out before you jump down my throat: while snc both get hate for extremely dumb things, colby is the one that takes it the hardest, and also gets it the worse. sam, at the very least, seems like he doesn't let it bother him. i think bc so many ppl give him love and support, he's able to push the negativity away. but colby, whether he'll ever admit to it or not, can't do that - even with all the love he gets. he doesn't let things go as much as sam does.

and it makes total sense to me. colby wants everyone to like him. and i get that. i was the same way for a very long time. it's hard when someone starts to hate you for whatever reason. you want to prove them wrong, and you'll do anything to be in their good graces again, only to realize… did you ever even care that much in the first place. opinions affect colby on a deeper level bc he wants to be seen as a good person. and he is. but when you have other ppl shitting on you, for example, for tweeting out about international women's day or that your facial hair is ugly or literally judging you for every girl you put yourself near, and it's CONSTANT…. you're eventually gonna snap. tbh, i'm surprised colby hasn't completely removed himself from twitter and insta altogether just bc of the hate those sites have given him for the past couple years.

2020-21 were the worst times to be a fan, so i can ONLY IMAGINE how terrible it was for colby, who was getting the brute force of it. i remember the disgusting death threat he got. he left twitter for like over a week, and then never returned to that site the same. that's why the balcony tweets stopped. and then when he lost his journal, one of the only ways he's ever been able to express himself deeply, ppl cheered about it in the replies. and some of those ppl were fans of ppl he was friends with.

sam gets hate, sure. i won't deny that ever. but colby… it is truly unlike anything i've ever seen in all my years of being online. and i swear the ppl that send him mean shit, it's like they know it hurts him and revel in it. he gets called out for every fuck up, even if sam has done the same, bc ppl know he'll actually feel guilty and apologize for it. they want to see him break, i truly believe that.

[colorisbyshe]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks...

Thank you for asking!!!!! Love a chance to talk about myself.

The way I got this ask and like IMMEDIATELY forgot any piece of media I have ever consumed?? If I forgot any of my faves... sorry to them!!

Also, a running theme for most of my faves is that they have overcome being otherized and/or trauma and came out being pettier and more self righteous, lol.

Uchiha Sasuke from Naruto. Pettiest bitch alive and he DESERVES IT! Should be pettier.

Wei Wuxian from MDZS/The Untamed. Went through hell, kinda literally, and did awful things but still chose to do the right thing, every single fucking time.

Fenris from Dragon Age. Watching him emerge from such an awful place and learn to let people in, while remaining sooo rough around the edges, was lovely.

Spock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! From both TOS and AOS, less so from Disco/SNW, because he's just so fucking funny and also watching him be so repressed and then be forced out of that repression is fun. I love him. Baby boy.

Joy from EEAAO. Loved watching her anger, loved watching her creativity, and I loved watching her anger make her mother change. I love that she was able to give up the anger because she was finally seen and her hurt was legitimized.

***** ****** from ******* ******** because *runs away*

NGL.... it's still my boy Edward Elric. In many ways, I should let him go. But he was my first rep of atheism in literally the funniest fucking way ("Yeah I've seen God but... nah.") and I still enjoyed his journey, even if I now have major issues with the narrative and apologism and recognize Scar as a far more compelling character than Edward. Sorry to everyone but when I saw Edward at age.... 13, I did not realize what war crime apologism looked like. At least I let go of stanning Mustang. Cause I wanted that man carnally for a long time.

Sook-hee from The Handmaiden. Watching her fuck shit up was cathartic.

I need to finish my watch through (bingewatching two seasons in a week was mentally taxing, tbh) but Flint and Max from Black Sails. Again... love a selfish character who has felt left behind by the world and so they take what they can from the world. They deserve it!

Recency bias I guess but I'm REALLY loving Frieren from... Frieren. Watching her learn to value other people while going around with her lil :3 face is nice.

I feel like this list is leaving a lot of faves out--my lovely Sailor Jupiter who I imprinted on like a baby duck and have carried in my heart ever since, Dimitri Fire Emblem, Qifrey, and probably so many more. The characters that I love just for horny reasons (Yae Miko, Kaveh, Tighnari my beloveds). Characters I love for their potential (Finn, Poe, and Rey from Star Wars)(Also Cassian but I guess I could love him more if I watched Andor but I will not be watching Disney+ shows.) Characters who I love now (Louis, Lestat, Claudia from IWTV the show) but haven't finished their arcs yet, so idk how I'll feel int he future. Etc etc.

I will also say that this list feels a biiiiiit swayed by characters who I have experienced more in fandom. There are characters from one off books, video games, comics that I CONNECT with more, maybe idolized more, but engage with less often because there's no fandom, so they come to mind less immediately. And they've been butchered less by fanon, so I don't project onto them as much. Like they are FULLER vessels, which means they have less room for me to go "Oh, yeah, we are exactly the same. Let me into your brain."

This list is mainly of characters I love to play with like bratz dolls in my brain and is less about like... maybe heavily fucking with them while consuming their media and then being able to let them go when I'm done.

[cosmossystem]

Hi again! Sorry we didnt reply right away we were busy yesterday. And also overwhelmed because i dont think we’ll be able to keep up that length of message after the intro lmao. We visited our mom yesterday, we do that almost every week because we’re trying to move our stuff from our mom’s house to our new apartment. But it’s an ordeal because we just have a cart and public transit, mom cant drive either and stepdad’s car doesnt work.

We also sometimes write down things about our friends that we want to remember, but we keep forgetting and falling out of the habit of doing it. Might try to start doing that again, maybe in a new journal. We used to have really bad memory barriers before most of us merged into a subsys. The subsys might end up as one fused alter eventually, but final fusion for the whole system is NOT what we want. We’d be depressed without all our friends and our brain husband.

Idk what else to talk about, is there anything you’d like us to elaborate on in our original message? Also, how are you? How was your day yesterday and/or today? Youre staying in a dorm, so youre in college right? We tried to do college, might go back to learn ASL because it’s useful, but we can only handle one class at a time and it has to be in person. Idk why, our brain just isnt good at school. All throughout elementary, middle, and high school we were consistently a D student at best, but on tests we always scored higher than average students, so we were always described as “very smart but very lazy” because we didnt do any classwork or essays or homework and only did tests. We got into gifted and advanced classes based on test scores. Our mom always insisted there were no mental issues going on but there was probably something, we weren’t really “lazy”, we spent every moment of our time working on personal ambitions like writing stories or calculating how many dragons are in each tribe in wings of fire. We still havent figured out why we sucked at school honestly. What classes are you taking? How are you doing in them? Also feel free to not answer any questions if they make you uncomfy, im just asking for the sake of conversation, you can talk about whatever you want and just ignore all the questions too 🍄

wow i'm so sorry i left this ask in the askbox for so long!! i think i opened the inbox at some point on accident, saw this ask, and then forgot that i didn't answer it :')

don't ever feel like you have to keep up w/ long messages! honestly seeing so much info at once id a lot for me to take in so it's a lot easier to respond to shorter stuff… BUT, that shouldn't stop you from talking either! if you have a lot to say i will listen!

wow that sounds hard!! a new apartment is a big deal though!! so that's great and i'm happy for you! do you like the new place? even though moving is tough i could imagine it'd be exciting to have a brand new apartment~ i hope that's going well for yall!!

i get that tbh i'm not rly good at it either, it's really difficult to keep up a habit yknow? and actually same here about integration, we could never do full integration that would be SO stressful and upsetting i think it would just make us split again :']

we're… ok, not fantastic. finally got to the doctor and got a letter for accomodations! it's… not everything we need but it's a start i guess. i don't want to get too into it here but this has been a verrrrrrry rough week because we have one specific class that requires a group project and… the group has been sort of bullying us and the professor won't do anything about it :') so i've been incredibly drained and dealing with flare ups this week and spent most of my free time just trying to relax (read: age regress, nap, play animal crossing, and watch movies with my internal caretakers.)

yes in college! a freshman! which makes us a little late to starting but whatever. we're doing an art major so all of our classes (except for one) are art courses! kinda similar to you, we score high on the work we do but end up falling behind quite often due to audhd or our chronic illness… so we're passing in all of them but often just barely :'D i relate a bit to the "very smart but lazy" thing bc when we were little we missed a lot of days of school because school was a chore to get to, but when we DID go we often scored high and got good grades that only got dragged down bc of our lack of attendance… i think one year i missed something like 20 days of school!! and no things have not improved LOL. oh but i also want to take ASL classes too! i asked my advisor about it and (at risk of doxxing us here) she said that they have started offering them but i couldn't take them bc they booked up SO QUICK that no seats were available… and then right before the fall semester started, they cancelled the course????? and they didn't bring it back for the spring???? idk it's weird. anyway there's other places around us offering ASL courses so if push comes to shove, we'll take one of those over the summer :P

anyway, all of our in-person classes are over so we're home for the next month or so. i do have a few finals left to finish up but after next week i'm done. and right now i'm tired… so i'm taking a bit of a break to rest.

[1d1195]

Bestie I LOVE when you yap!!like honey was suppose to be a one shot… Sam thank fuck it wasn’t a series!! The way you truly develop your stories are so good! But seriously if you need a break one shot or little blurbs are always okay too!

When I tell you I felt like a Victorian man seeing an ankle when I saw him with his shirt like!! My brain short circuited 😭 also I immediately thought about Harry when he use to wear shirts like that when I saw my TA😭 this is crazy 😭

I didn’t get the vibe you were judging at all!! I totally get your pov and that’s just who you are! I do find it nice that you do get sometime to yourself in the morning and that just seems relaxing ya know? There’s definitely beauty in seeing the world in a moment of calmness! Sadly I just have always been a late sleeper and idk i will only wake up early if I have to lol and it’s hard to change up a routine but getting rest is so important and im so happy that your are taking the step of putting yourself first!

A neighbors trope?! That seems exciting!! Hope it turns out good! And yay to getting a bit of lesson planning! Hope that you’ll be able to finish what you need to, sending positive vibes!!Even if it’s just a bit that’s something! But it’s such a WIN for retail therapy! Though I’m sorry you got sick :( I hope you feel better and are taking care of yourself my love! 💕Though i totally get being surprised how people simply don’t know how or do things like simple hygiene! It’s crazy lol

It’s interesting but tbh the content can definitely be summarized and done in like an hour and a half! And our instructor looks like she doesn’t even want to be there 😭 thought I can’t blame her lol and btw i guess we both are insane because i kinda love when you make Harry cry🤭 love when they are so down bad they bawl their eyes out 😌

Now that Dolcezza extra BESTIE I NEED HIM😭he’s so hot like he’s such a dream! Was also so surprised that it was smut HAHA ugh I love him(not a surprise) where is he when I’m having an eldest daughter moment 😭 they are so perfect and the fact he knocks before entering her space, so sweet😭 anyways that extra was SOOO good bestie!! Loved seeing these two again!!!!

Hope you are having a lovely start of the week! Seriously hope you feel better Sam! Sending you lots of love-💜

LOL I forgot I said it was supposed to be a one shot. I don't even know what it would look like.

VICTORIAN MAN SEEING AN ANKLE. SAME. I may have to do a deep dive on those days.

Stunning. 10/10 no notes. Hope your TA looks like him.

I don't even remember which neighbors trope I was talking about when I mentioned that to you. I have so many overlapping stories in my brain. I'm feeling better already. I'm a pretty quick turn around for illness. You would think the teenagers would be a bit better about hygiene but they're germy as hell. I want to spray them with Lysol.

I think its a requirement they have to be there a certain amount of time. My 3 hour classes were brutal too and I love math.

I'm so glad you loved the Dolcezza extra 💕 he is really dreamy 🥰 he's probably my favorite Harry I've written, honestly. He's like the perfect amount of down bad and also willing to make her think about herself (call out to myself?) he's just so cute. My favorite scene of them is when he dropped all the dishes when he heard her voice. I don't like to compliment my own writing but it's very rom-com (I feel like we've discussed this before) I just think he's so cute 😊

Honestly, off to a tough start. October is picking up speed rapidly and I'm not looking forward to all the things I have to do. I had a rough day today too. Just feel like I let my students down...idk I'm tired of today. But I also think Tuesday is the worst day of the week.

Anyway. I hope your day is going well! 💕

xoxo

[bpd-angelcake]

guess who's back 🙃

tw: lots of ed mention

hi lol where do I even begin first off like... lmao every time I come back on this blog I think of that one ask that I got that was like "do u come back on here when things are bad??" and no lmao not always

life hasn't been bad it's just been busy im always busy i work a full time job and my social life has been the busiest it's ever been and im thankful because I love my irl friends so much and I do love my job as annoying as it can be and idk things aren't bad. they're not.

but I know my mental health hasn't been the best lately and I can't even blame my bpd. I had a really bad episode at the beginning of February and I tried pushing all my friends away because I thought they were over me and didn't take me seriously and they all came back to me literally crying wondering what was wrong and I felt so shitty and they don't know I have bpd (I don't talk about it in person unless we're going to date because I hate when people perceive me a certain way once they find out I'm not normal lmao) so we had to get in a circle and talk it out it was so rough but honestly I have never felt more secure in a friend group before in my life it makes me so sick thinking about it because idk what I'd do if anything were to change but whatever.

but idk I was doing so good with myself I was on top of my skincare and keeping my room clean and following through with things and idk everything just fell through the cracks and I feel like I have no control over anything in my life once more. I'm trying so hard to be better but it's hard. I just started saving money again because I spent so much of it the past few months and I'm so disappointed with how bad my spending got and it wasn't even for a good reason lol so I am trying I promise but ugh I feel like I was up there!! and I'm back at rock bottom.

Another thing that's been bugging me a lot is my weight too... back in 2020 I was so thin and I looked good and I had done it the right way by dieting and exercising but covid came and I got into that toxic relationship and I gained so much weight back and I look in the mirror and I am so disgusted with myself and I hate it. I see all these cute plus size girls on social media and I literally love them and think they're so beautiful but I look at myself and I can't even deal. I have to be a bridesmaid for a wedding in October and im dreading it because I'm going to look so bad....

I ordered a cosplay a few months ago and it came a week ago and it didn't even fit 🙃 I almost had a full mental breakdown about it and tbh I am 90% sure it ran small (not cutting myself slack because I know I'm fat but I also know how to measure clothes) but it made me so upset I literally relapsed and I've barely eaten this whole week. I tried to eat a spoonful of rice because I was so lightheaded the second it touched my mouth I threw it up.

And now I feel so fucking lame because I'll go on edtwt and see these girls posting their stuff and they're all in their teens and it's like.... I'm in my 20's dude I shouldn't be doing this shit anymore but I do and I hate it because it's all I know and it's so comforting because I'm literally a professional at it like I know all the tips and tricks I know what to do when I accidentally binge I know how to curb cravings and what excuses to say when I don't want to eat in front of people it's so sad because I thought I was over this but I guess not.

I haven't weighed myself yet, I was going to do it tomorrow but ugh all I need is to see that number go down or else I might kill myself because I can't do this anymore!!!! this is my life I feel like I'm 14 again in the worse way. IDK I might start posting more about it (with tags ofc) so if that's not your thing I understand but it's all I have to make me feel better and I'm not looking for advice I'm not looking for tips I just want to vent and if you're going to judge me do it kindly please lmao bye

[parm4carm]

Love you, Jade ❤️ And though I know it's not the most important thing right now, speaking out and often is more important, I do hope you are okay ❤️

hiii oh my god has it forreal been weeks since you sent me this?? i swear i just saved this to my drafts three days ago .. the passage of time truly fries my brain

first, this is so sweet of you to send to me and i'm so grateful that people still check in on me when i'm quiet online <3 i know i am a veryyyyy unreliable presence here but i really do appreciate all the love and i'm sending it right back to you <3

you've kind of given me the perfect jumping off point to just throw a lot of updates and ramblings in one spot bc truthfully i do not feel right posting normal posts and taking up space with things that are trivial in the grand scheme of things. i genuinely don't have the brain capacity for much else these days besides keeping up with palestine/congo/sudan etc related updates + the occasional few hours where i can watch a movie or a show without feeling guilty

(general life update dump below so beware bc i talk a lot)

brief mental state check in but i am not doing well! not just with the weight of the world but with everything else in my life lmao. pretty much everyone who knows me knows that the holidays/the winter are the roughest months for me so i'm usually radio silent :/ this year has been... so rough and i don't know why every year feels worse than the last but it really truly does! i'm particularly lonelier this year and it's honestly my fault. idk how to reach out to people when i'm so isolated tbh i feel like a burden at all times especially now that most of the people i used to talk to daily online and irl are doing way better than me and i'm just. always stuck here in this really shitty space i can't seem to get out of no matter how hard i try

i don't talk about my problems a lot online but like. after losing my childhood pet and then getting accepted to two different programs in one year (grad school and community college) and having to drop out of both AND dealing with a decline in my mother's health AND my grandmother's cancer scare AND my own financial issues AND unemployment i'm just exhausted. because of all of this i truly don't know how to function like a normal person or make friends or keep friends anymore i'm just miserable tbh

okay i know this is a hard pivot, but i thought i could just compile things that have brought me a little bit of happiness that i haven't talked about here! it's all on me to feel like this, but i have intense guilt about posting anything not related to current events, so this is my way around that! so.. enjoy i guess <3

personal stuff (you can send me asks to explain more if you want)

i beat my new years' resolution of watching 365 things this year – i'm up to 500 logs!

a lot of new tv (28 total, entire shows, rewatches, new seasons, miniseries, and documentaries included)

fixated on kpop this year and listened to 30 groups whole discography! i actually counted and it was exactly 30 lmao ask me ab my fav groups and biases if you dare

started drinking tea every day :)

redecorating my apartment and it's so much cozier now

i've become more of a snoopy/peanuts fanatic :)

to build on the new years resolution, i've added quite a few horror franchises under my belt :) my horror tag on letterboxd is roughly 250 now!

i think i'm finally breaking my lifelong nail biting habit??? fingers crossed!

buying more things secondhand and feeling way better about it! mostly clothes and dvds but me and my partner are huge fans of knick knacks

have tried a lot of new food this year :) and am cooking new recipes a lot more too!

went to the beach for vacation for the first time in ten years <3 went to this cool little record store and got a band recommendation from the owner that's now one of my underground favs!

celebrated ten years with my partner this year and although it's been such a rough year for the both of us and we're not nearly where we ever thought we'd be, we're more solid now than we've ever been!!! i really would not have made it through this year without them

honestly this year has been a blur 90% of the time so there's obviously been more little things that make me happy but! it's been a big year for consuming media bc i don't have much energy for creating anymore unfortunately

[purplesurveys]

1719

Do you still read the newspaper or have an online newspaper subscription? I have to check the news everyday for work purposes. That's multiple websites of newspapers, their social media accounts, and online magazines.

What's your favourite kind of meat? (vegan/vegetarian options count!) Chicken. I only like pork as pork belly tbh, and steak for me is always a hit or miss.

Have you ever been mistaken for staff at a store you were just visiting? Maybe once or twice; it doesn't happen often. I've been mistaken more frequently as someone's companion. Like people will think they're talking to their friend when it's me.

What's the coolest or most memorable animal you've ever seen at a zoo? The Philippine eagle, but I don't really get *amazed* per se when I see 'cool' animals at zoos. I just feel bad.

Do you share a bedroom with anybody? No. My sister and I tried to share a room once, but it lasted for all of a week because she hated sharing a room with anyone lol. The room also felt super cramped so we quickly decided it wasn't going to work.

What colour are the public buses where you live? We have these white mini-buses that'll pass by here every now and then, and they're white. The bigger buses that traverse Edsa are white and yellow if I'm not mistaken.

How often do you pay your utilities bills? I'm not assigned to any bills in particular, but I transfer to my parents' accounts twice a month. I let them decide how to allot the money.

What video game have you played the most hours of? If you don't know, just make a rough guess. I would guess The Sims 2; that or GTA San Andreas.

Do you own a two-piece bikini? I only own bikinis; I hate how one-pieces feel.

Is there anybody else in the room you're in right now? Nopes.

What have you got within reaching distance of you right now? My phone, my McDonald's orders, pillows, chargers, blanket, work chair, vape.

What have you been craving lately, food-wise? Anything non-food? McDonald's. I overordered last night because I was hungry so I got all my favorites lmao - a triple cheeseburger, large fries, and nuggets.

Is your short-term or long-term memory worse? My short-term memory is horrible; it comes as a disadvantage especially at work and I wouldn't blame my co-workers if they label me as forgetful.

Do you do anything in particular to help you fall asleep? I need to have videos on with the volume at the lowest setting. To avoid draining my battery I have a timer set so that when it runs out my phone will automatically turn the video off.

What was the weather like today? Too early to tell; it's only 7:20 AM. Right now the sun is out but I also wouldn't be surprised if it suddenly rains super aggressively later on in the day as that pattern has been happening lately.

Who will you see within the next week? My dentist, and I am guessing Angela, Hans, and Reena. We've been dying to go to the karaoke these days and I think we'll finally get to next Monday as it will be a public holiday.

Do you have any guilty pleasure music? Anything you're willing to admit in this survey answer? Idk if there's any? I don't feel guilty about anyone whose songs I like.

What was the last movie you watched that was over two hours long? It's been so long since I watched a long movie. It was probably either Titanic or Gone with the Wind.

Speaking of which, what's the longest you think a movie should be? I personally think most movies are too long. It depends on the plot and execution, so I'm not very nitpicky when it comes to this. If a movie needs to be 7 hours long to get its message and art across then so be it.

Do you know anyone who is a medical nurse or doctor? Yes so many people. I'm Asian (aka kids are pressured to be doctors) and Filipino (aka a heavyweight in nursing), so it checks out hah.

Have you ever worked night shifts? If so, did you like it? I have not. I once scored a job interview that would have been a night shift if I got the gig, but at the last minute I decided I didn't want to be in it so I didn't push through with the interview.

Are you good at fixing computer problems? I'd say just basic ones but I'll struggle with even those sometimes, so for the most part no. I leave the troubleshooting to my sister.

Do you tend to make decisions by following your heart or your head? Head.

What's the population of your current city/town? A little below one million.

Do your parents live in their hometown(s)? Nope.

What are you wearing today? My favorite purple pajamas.

Are you one to accessorise a lot? Not at all.

What language other than English do you know the most words of? Filipino.

When was the last time you ate? Did you eat something nice? I'm taking a few bites out of my cheeseburger every now and then this morning. Like I said, I overordered McDonald's last night because I was hungry LOL so most of the shit I got is still here with me today. The only thing I finished last night was the fries and that's because there's no way you can save fries that have gone cold.

[snepfeathers]

ranting under the cut for a bit under the cut bc I got tired of using tags lol

I'd offer valentine's themed slots or push febroary stuff more but tbh I've got a lot on my plate to get done in the next week or so and I don't want to bite off more than I can chew

to be fair most of it should be pretty smooth sailing and I should be able to get it done well before my self-imposed deadlines but still

I think I'm driving myself a little crazy with not having personal pieces between stuff. but genuinely how am I supposed to let myself take a break when comms are basically my only source of income this month?

it's not my fault they aren't handing out shifts right now btw. it's the slow season and there's just legitimately nothing to be scheduled for right now. like there are a couple of people in for training shifts but that's It. and I've already been trained. ugh.

I really do like what I do at that job but the scheduling and pay are. ripping my hair out frustrating. sometimes. a lot of the time.

at the same time though the loose schedule means I DO get to work on commission stuff and have some freedom I wouldn't otherwise have. augh. I'm looking for a new job anyway tbh but we all know how shit the market is right now. and I'd rather only leave if it'll be a Real Improvement. I don't want to hop from something that's fun with a sometimes-rough schedule into something that sucks and also kinda sucks with the schedule. y'know.

or maybe I'll just break down and sell pictures of my real tits in addition to drawing people furry tits. idk man. I just want to afford some fun stuff like finally visiting a furcon for the first time ever. is it really so so much to ask?

at least I have a roof over my head and food in the fridge. I'm thankful for that even if it's still stressful as hell making sure it stays that way. and I'm super super thankful to the people who have been supporting me and my partner by buying commissions and stuff, like seriously thank you so much you're the reason we're afloat some months

I'm just rambling at this point and don't really expect people to read this far but man. I'm just so tired. I'm so goddamn tired and stressed and I feel guilty as hell because hoooly shit people have it so much worse out in the world too and I'm complaining over stuff that's pretty dumb in the grand scheme of things but MAN. I just want to wake up feeling truly secure and not basking in the background radiating stress of not knowing if I'll be able to pay rent. and then feeling bad if I ever let myself get a stupid little treat because come on you fool, you could have saved that $15 or whatever for something better theoretically you should be building up your savings etc etc etc

I don't know. I don't know. my neck hurts my eyes hurt my head hurts my heart hurts. I'm probably just hungry and hormonal or something but I feel like I'm falling apart as the rest of the world is going to shit too, and it's inescapable, and the world has always been shit anyway and I should be helping more somehow but it's all just crashing in one overwhelming wave right now.

so I guess I'll keep working on commissions. and I'll try to meet those self-imposed deadlines. and I'll keep looking for another job. and maybe at some point in between everything else I'll draw something for myself.

what the hellllll man they said stuff would start picking up again around mid february but the schedule that just dropped only has me working one shift before the 25th

ugh. I guess that means I'll have more time available for commission stuff I guess

[peace-coast-island]

Curtain call 😭

[theflyingfeeling]

I know you said not to worry about you but I hope you're doing okay seems like you're going through something 🫂🥺

I appreciate you sending a message though ❤️

I'm just still a little bit poorly (no fever and my throat is fine but my nose is stuffy which makes my whole head feel dizzy), which is making me more emotional than I normally am and I cry easily at stupid things (which is what I do fairly often even when I'm not sick tbh 😅) and it's just a bit rough at the moment 🤧 the whole unemployment situation is stressing me out big time, especially because I've been offered a short substitution this week and idk if I should take it or not because I don't know how long my nose is gonna be stuffy / my head heavy (I already had to say no for today, but they need a substitute for the whole week probably). I feel guilty for saying no (yes, even though I'm literally ill! that's my brain for ya lol) because it feels as if I'm just using the stuffy nose as an excuse to be lazy (Otrivin helps with the nose and I'd probably be fit for work with that, but it's more or less an artificial aid and doesn't make me feel much more fresh), and I also really hate having to do short-notice substitutions like this, it's so stressful 😭

There's also a bunch of other stuff that's making life very scary and confusing right now and last night particularly my feelings were all over the place and it felt as if there was no way out of it other than crying hopelessly (which only made me feel worse because of the stuffy nose, which was extremely frustrating). A lot of it was/is, of course, just over-reacting because hello, I've been down with the flu for a week now, I'm fucking exhausted 😩 Today has been a little better, although not completely tearless.

So today I've been doing a lot of breathing and trying to not be so hard on myself for being a human being and having certain feelings and needs. Not sure how well I'm managing at that though, but at least I'm trying. How come it's so much more easier to be mean to ourselves than to show ourselves some mercy? 🥺

[funkymbtifiction]

Sorry This is Long

Okay so I feel like I have two sides to myself if that makes sense. Like when I’m at home, I’m usually off by myself, alone, and on my phone, watching stuff or overthinking MBTI. But when I’m out and about, like with friends for example, I’ll be more loud, active with them, making jokes and all. And it’s just weird, because it’s like which self do I go off of, you know? I feel like me being out with my friends is me somewhat being me cuz I don’t enjoy overthinking my MBTI type and stuff, but that’s usually what I do when I’m home alone, because like I wanna know who I am. It’s weird, because I feel like I don’t know who I am, yet I have values, but I don’t really see them until something happens. Like for example today I had a friend say the r word which bothered me and I couldn’t push it out of my mind, like idk I couldn’t so I obviously confronted her about it (didn’t go well). I know Ne doms and people with high identity functions (Fi & Ti) are prone to overthinking their type, but I definitely don’t feel like I have Ti (my logic is terrible) and I’m pretty sure I have Fi, but I wouldn’t say as a dominant function. I’m pretty sure my natural state is being more extroverted, even though I can be socially awkward at times. But I don’t think I’m Ne; sometimes I wonder if I am Ne because people call me weird and random & I have random thoughts or I troll people, but idk tbh. I don’t feel like I can relate with inferior Si, but at the same time, there are things I’ve done that I don’t think Se users would do (make a rough idea about discovering the meaning behind bread, compare period table elements to people running in a race, etc) but I also feel like doing things and getting out there and acting on my ideas. Also I feel like I could possibly be an enneagram 3 (but have disintegrated into 9 bc I feel like I used to be so goal setting and doing things [id do those wake up at 4 am for a week & be productive in middle school] but now I feel burnt out). Sorry this is long btw; I felt like explaining a lot.

It sounds like you are always "on" and engaged -- either with visual stimulants or people, even when at home -- so why not try on ESFP for size? ESFPs do have an abstract side, but they much prefer DOING things to just talking about them. :)

As for feeling burnt out -- that's somewhat normal if you have been going at top speed for months/years. Give yourself a break, mentally and physically, and your momentum and desire to do something and get stuff done will return. Sometimes people go through a period of mild depression; in that case, turn your attention to something else, something you don't normally do, and let the rest of your life "rest" while you recharge. I've found when I burn out mentally, it's good to do physical things for a couple of weeks, and that gives my brain time to take an interest in mental exercises again. If you are an ESFP, try something creative and/or hands on rather than goals for a while. :)

[1d1195]

Aww thank you so much!😭You have no idea how much that means to me!💗

Omg not him getting distracted?!? Bestie that is TRAGIC! I would lose it lowkey bc sadly i get TOO invested when I like something lol But YES I would HIGHLY recommend watching the last two together! I agree Tina’s episode felt more like season 2 vibes and would have probably fit better when she started to take those fancy cooking classes. But we got Richie’s episode which was a WIN for me lol

Bestie of course I will always be rooting for you! And the fact that you're a teacher just makes you even more remarkable! Plus you’re basically in the trenches everyday with those teenagers 😭And of course rooting for you in your personal life!

I saw that you’ve been struggling a bit with part 2 but you’ve managed to get it done! Very proud of you because I can only imagine how it can be a bit frustrating! I know all of us are going to love it!

HAHA omg you’re so REAL for thinking that! I mean he is a MAN after all so I would be surprised if he wasn’t whiny lol

Hope meeting up with your friend went well! And I especially hope that you’ve survived your family because I know it can get ROUGH😭Hope the weather gets better too! I know you basically hate when it’s hot lol

I was pretty busy this weekend! I hung out with friends I haven't been able to see in a while so it was nice to have a break! It’s been so hot recently but It cooled down a bit so we had a picnic! And I actually saw a movie where the main character was named Sam/Samantha! What’s wild though is that we went out for sushi and there was a roll called Sun Kissed and I immediately thought of your fic! I MUST re-read it because it is such a cute little summer fic! ANYWAYS overall it was nice but my social battery was drained lol 

I'm wishing you the BEST start of the week! Hope you are treating yourself well! Wishing you all the LOVE BESTIE!!- 💜

BRO I TOLD HIM I WANTED TO WATCH BOTH EPISODES AND HE SAID WE CAN WATCH ONE. I COULD THROW UP. IDK WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM. Anyway. That's a good point about Richie vs. Tina. It would have been greedy to have both. Anyway. I can't tell you how much I love the Faks. My favorite bit so far has been "How many Faks are coming?" "At least 2 less than 5." I just love them so much. Barging into the hospital to see Claire??? 😭😭

Part 2 is done and posted. I'm trying not to hate it since it's only been an hour, it's Monday, and I did write a whole ass dissertation 🤦‍♀️ I can't wait to hear your thoughts if you have time to read it 💕

...he's super whiny tbh... or maybe I'm just conditioned to not want to be whiny because I'm just a girl 😂 if you know what I mean.

It was super nice to see my friend! My fam is this week and not looking forward to it exactly. I went for a walk today in this RIDICULOUS hot humid air. But I do feel better for it. I have another friend meeting tonight so I need to shower again and try to remain cool. It's also Monday so it's my list day hehehehe so I've got that going for me too! I'm also addicted to online shopping and it's Prime Day tomorrow so I gotta get shit for my classroom. So that's what I have for this week! Hopefully I'll have time to read and write too!

OMG so fun! I hope she was a good character. I'm always so sad about Sam/Samantha's in movies and shows--they give me such a bad rap. They're often a 👎 (but not Hilary Duff in A Cinderella Story but that's because Hilary can do no wrong by me). I LOVED sun-kissed. So much summer fun 😂 I've never been a sushi fan, but I love that for you! I'm glad you had a nice weekend with friends even if your battery is drained!

LOVE YOU! 💕

xoxo