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everythingisromant1c · 6 months ago

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It's Always Been You - Chapter 3

james potter x fem!reader

summary - Even with things going back to normal, like your yearly Hogwarts classes, not everything is staying the same. Not to mention the fact that it's getting harder and harder to ignore your feelings for a certain someone, especially as drama starts to spread around the school.

wc [5.2k]

all chapters | <- Chapter 2 - Chapter 4 ->

The longer you went through the next day, the more you regretted staying up so late doing that prank. Your tiredness seemed to hang over you like a rain cloud all morning, and the fact that you now had to go to Potions wasn't helping in any way.

You'd all gathered into the dungeon of a classroom and went to your regular seats from the years before, you and James always being Potions partners every year without fail. The minute you sat down, Slughorn waltzed into the classroom with a walk much too merry for how the majority of the class appeared to be feeling at the moment.

"Not so fast," he sang, looking around at the seats you all had taken. "I'll be selecting your Potions partners this year, in the hopes it will inspire some ... productivity." He scanned the room, and you swore his gaze settled on Sirius for a beat longer than everyone else, and your lips quirked up. "Let's make the year interesting, shall we?"

The disbelieving stares from everyone in the room told you that nobody else seemed to care very much about keeping things 'interesting,' something that didn't phase Slughorn as he ordered you all to the back of the room. The class was one you shared with Slytherins, a fact that hadn't left everyone else either. You could've sworn it was death row from the looks on your classmates' faces.

"Matilda Rosier," called Slughorn, a short Slytherin girl taking the first seat at the corner of the room.

"Remus Lupin."

You all watched as Remus took a seat on the stool next to the girl in the green robes, offering her a friendly, albeit awkward, smile that she returned with an almost lifeless stare. You fought back a snort.

"Marcus Craggy," he then called. The broad-shouldered boy marched to the front of the room, well-known and well-disliked by half the Gryffindors in the school for his position as the captain of Slytherin's Quidditch team.

"Sirius Black."

Clearly, Slughorn wanted nothing but pure chaos this year. Sirius didn't hold his groan back, stomping over and dropping his bags down on the table next to Craggy without care. James grimaced amusedly at it all from behind you.

More names were called and only a few of you were left standing at the back of the room, including both you and James. Your hope of actually being paired with him was growing, especially after noticing at least two pairs of partners in the same house, but you didn't think you had that kind of luck.

Slughorn finally called your name next and you gave James a hopeful look before taking your seat. You sat impatiently, waiting for the sound of Slughorn's voice to announce who'd sit in the empty stool next to you.

"Sebastian Vance."

You couldn't stop the way you sat up straighter in your seat at the sound of the boy's name. Images from the first night back flickered across your mind, of the way you'd met his eyes across the Great Hall, replaying the way your friends had all had a grand time poking fun at you. You were sure Marlene was somewhere off in the distance smirking.

The sound of the wooden stool next to you moving against the stone floor stole your attention, along with the green-robed figure next to it. He took his seat, holding out a gentlemanly hand in greeting, teeth showing through his inviting smile.

"I'm Sebastian," he greeted casually, "but I guess you just heard Slughorn just say that."

You shook his hand as he introduced himself, the corners of your lips turning up. "I'm- you also probably just heard Slughorn say my name."

"Yeah," he said honestly, the both of you softly laughing. Something about Sebastian seemed to invite you in, all warm skin and bright eyes, and he had a bright smile to match. There was something about him that could have anyone charmed him in a matter of seconds.

The two of you kept talking for a few minutes, seeming to be one of the only pairings to actually engage with each other, and something settled peacefully inside of you when you'd determined maybe this class wouldn't be so horrible with Sebastian as a partner. You'd remembered he was always good at potions too, a comforting thought.

"We should probably focus," you said a few minutes later. "He already dislikes me enough." You gestured over to where Slughorn began lecturing at the front of the room. "I'm God awful at potions. Slughorn never let me forget it last year."

Sebastian shrugged. "Who cares about what he thinks anyway?"

You peered at him in wry amusement. "You? I thought you were in his Slug Club or something."

"That's more for my parent's sake than my own. Trust me, I think I'd be okay without the privilege of small talking with Sluggy."

Your jaw lightly dropped, and you fought to smother your amusement. When the two of you stopped talking, you searched subtly around the room for James, missing the mention of his name being called by Slughorn. You frowned when you couldn't find him, until you risked turning fully in your seat and finding him in the seat directly behind you.

He had a firm set to his brow that lightened when you cheekily smiled at him, noticing the quiet Slytherin boy he was sitting next to. He mouthed what you thought was a 'help me,' and you rolled your eyes at him, turning back around in your seat.

Slughorn had finally assigned a potion for each pair to brew, listing out the ingredients and steps to the room. You'd volunteered to go collect the ingredients from the front of the room while Sebastian got your cauldron to the right temperature.

You and half the class crowded around the shelves along the far wall, and you stepped into the line that had formed. There was some conversation meeting your ears busily, but the hushed voices of two Slytherin girls a few feet ahead of you were what grabbed your attention.

"Yeah, she and Potter," one of them whispered not-so quietly. You focused on them at the mention of James's name, interest peaking confusedly.

"How do we know that's what they were doing?" the other one asked.

The first girl scoffed. "Two people walk out of a broom closet together out of breath. What do you think they were doing?"

Your stomach dropped at the words that left the girl's mouth, momentarily stunned. It didn't matter that they hadn't said your name directly; you knew exactly what they were talking about. Or at least you thought you did. A thousand questions swarmed through your head—How had they seen you and James? What the hell were they implying?

For a second, you tried to force your mind to slow down and consider the possibility that maybe they'd been discussing something else. But the way that they both seemed to falter after turning around to see you standing behind them confirmed it.

One of them looked visibly awkward, looking anywhere but at you as she returned to her seat. The other gave you a judging look that you didn't like as if you'd done something worthy of shame. Even if you wanted to say something to her, put her in her place, you felt too stunned and confused to think of anything to possibly say.

You'd tried to put the incident out of your mind, collecting the ingredients you needed to brew your potion and returning to your seat next to Sebastian. Forgetting it seemed all too difficult as you became suddenly more aware of everyone around you, of the way the same two girls and a few more seemed to be glancing at you ever so often. You couldn't seem to make sense of what was happening. Sebastian definitely noticed something was wrong, but you'd brushed off his questioning and tried to hang onto your sanity for the rest of the class.

The moment Slughorn dismissed you, you'd left the room with rushed steps that your friends had to jog to catch up with.

"What's with the rush?" Remus asked you, quickly catching up to you with his long legs and brisk strides.

"Nothing, I just-" you shrugged, distracted. "Don't like Potions."

"Me neither," rang James, tone grim and weighed with audible irritation. Sirius gave him a look, rebutting with something about his own Potions partner, but the noise of your busy mind drowned the conversation out as you continued walking through the halls, lost in your thoughts.

James moved closer to you and nudged you softly in the side, giving you a private and questioning look. "What's wrong?"

You glanced up at him shiftily. "What makes you think something's wrong?"

"You always make that face when you're upset about something." Your expression stilled as you became suddenly conscious of the tug of your brow and the tenseness in your face. "C'mon, what's the matter?"

You took a second before answering, looking around wearily. "Do you feel like people are ... looking at us?" You scanned the hallways that seemed to be lined with chattering students. Maybe it was all in your head, but whispers seemed to leave the mouths of half the people you walked past as soon as they saw you.

"I don't know." James looked out into the crowded hallway with an air of casualty. " 'Suppose I haven't really paid attention."

If people really were staring, it figured James wouldn't think much of it. Your friend certainly had his fair share of popularity around the castle with all the girls who were obsessed with Golden Boy Quidditch Captain James Potter. Even being constantly in his presence, his confident habits hadn't rubbed off on you, something that was difficult to ignore right then as people seemed to be glancing your way left and right.

You wanted to tell him what you'd heard in Potions, if only to try to make sense of it, but you didn't think you knew how you'd go about even phrasing something like that to him. You were suddenly impossibly aware of James's close proximity to you and the way his arm brushed against yours ever so often as you walked. You wanted to crawl into yourself by the time you made it to your next class, and the feeling stayed with you for the rest of the day, along with an unignorable pool of dread at the bottom of your stomach.

It might have been in your head before, but now you were one hundred percent sure you weren't imagining the stares from people as you walked into the Great Hall for dinner. They would look at you, then over at James, and then continue on with their whispering as if it wasn't painfully obvious to you that people were talking about you. Judging from the conversation the two girls in your Potions class had been having, you had a dreadful suspicion you knew exactly what people were talking about.

You were able to ignore it for most of the day and even half of dinner, until you watched as three different Gryffindor fourth-years quite literally stood up from their seats to get a better look at you from down the table, practically straining their necks. You dropped your fork.

"Okay, that's it." You shook your head angrily, rising from your seat to leave.

James noticed and tugged at your wrist, frowning up at you. "Hey, where are you going? What's wrong?"

You peered down at his concerned eyes and the cluelessness behind his gaze. "You seriously haven't noticed?"

"Noticed what?"

You quickly glanced around, finding it miraculous that James could've made it the entire day without noticing the way people seemed to stare at the both of you like they were at the zoo. You gestured around. "The stares? The whispering?"

He continued to gape at you like he had absolutely no idea what you were on about. It took everything in you not to raise your voice and give all the onlookers anything more to gossip about. You sighed exasperatedly, lowering your voice.

"People are saying we..." you stopped yourself, face already going warm at the idea. You didn't think you could explain something like that to James's face, especially not when he was looking up at you like that with his undivided attention.

He quirked a brow, waiting for you to finish curiously. "We what?"

Another beat went by of you trying to find words that wouldn't leave you flushed and sputtering before Sirius cut in.

"People think you shagged in the broom closet."

Both of you snapped your heads to Sirius right away, your jaw going slack.

"You knew about this?" Your tone raised without your brain's permission, whether from anger or embarrassment you didn't know, but the people around you were surely relishing the sight.

Sirius frowned at you as he forked some food into his mouth as if he hadn't said something mortifying. "Only for a few hours." He finished chewing, looking between you and James with a visible suspicion growing. "Just so we're clear, you didn't actually shag in the broom closet last night, right?"

You reeled back in shock, wrist slipping from James's hold as you willed yourself to stay calm.

"Bloody hell, Sirius," groaned Remus, face-palming himself with a sigh. Pete looked between all of you, silently entertained.

You had no idea what the hell was going on, and you didn't feel like staying in Great Hall with most of the school for a minute longer as you figured it out. Ignoring Sirius's question, you grabbed your things, throwing your bag over your shoulder. "I'm going back to the common room."

James hurriedly stood up to follow after you, probably now as confused as you, but stopped as you held out a hand to his chest, one that you pulled back right away like the contact burned you.

"Don't-" you stopped, looking around and grimacing at all the eyes on you right now. "Please don't follow me."

With that, you stormed out of the Great Hall, head cast down as your feet moved in a hurried pace all the way back up to the common room. Your anxious footsteps echoed through the portrait and into the common room, where you counted half a dozen heads turn your way.

You felt like you were spiraling into your own mini Hell, footsteps trying their best to take you out of it as you marched up into your dorm room away from all the prying eyes. You shut the door harshly behind you, leaning against it like you'd just finished a marathon.

Lily was lying on her bed reading before she snapped her head up from her book, taking in your distressed state. "What's the matter?"

Marlene walked out of the bathroom then, face lighting up as soon as she saw you, not noticing your unease.

"Hey you," she greeted, leaning against the wall. "What's this I'm hearing about you and Potter snogging in a broom closet?"

Your expression sunk even further at her question, sending you deeper into despair. "Not you too," you groaned, collapsing onto your bed. "This can't be happening."

"What can't be happening?" asked Lily, sitting up on her own bed. Finally, one person who hadn't already heard tales of you and James's supposed broom closet romance, if you could even call it that.

"The end of my life." You rolled onto your back. Lily turned to Marlene with confusion as the latter took a seat next to you on your bed. You looked up at her. "How'd you hear it?"

"I heard it from Melissa Bagshot, but she said Horace Kneen told her this morning."

"Great." You ran a hand through your hair, turning onto your stomach to give Marlene a begging look. "Tell me you told her it wasn't true."

She paused, lips parting as her eyes evaded yours guiltily.

Your jaw dropped. "Marlene!"

"I didn't know if it was or not!"

"Can someone please tell me what we're talking about?" Lily looked between the two of you and your yelling like you'd lost your minds.

Marlene sighed. "There are some rumors going around that she and James were snogging in a broom closet last night."

"Sirius said people are even saying he and I were shagging." You felt yourself heating up again at the notion. "Can you believe it? I mean, how did anyone even see us last night?"

Marlene froze, eyes widening in alarm. "You're telling me you two were actually in a broom closet together?"

"We were pulling a prank and had to hide from Filch." Your cheeks flushed with embarrassment. "That was all. Nothing else happened," you promised, though the memories of James flush against you in the darkness of the closet spread through your mind like a heat wave.

"We believe you, don't worry," assured Lily. Marlene murmured her agreement.

"Thanks," you sighed. "To think that me and James would- ... he and I are only ever going to be friends." You didn't turn to Marlene to see what she thought of your words, simply letting them hang in the air like a mental note to yourself. "Plus, I'm sure Lily would have a bloody heart attack if I ever got with him."

Lily furrowed her brows. "What do you mean by that?"

"C'mon Lily," you urged. "We all know how repulsive you find him. You don't have to be nice for my sake."

Marlene and you both watched with curiosity as Lily's usual cold reserve at the boy seemed to melt with a shy shrug of her shoulders. "Oh, I don't know. He's not the worst in the world."

Marlene tilted her head playfully. "Lily Evans, are you warming up to James Potter?"

"No! I just ... " Lily glanced downward for a moment at her hands. "Don't you think he seems different ever since the summer? A bit more mature? Less annoying?"

Marlene gasped dramatically. "You do like him!"

"I do not!" Lily sent the both of you a glare. "I mean it. I just ... don't hate him as much as I used to."

You and Marlene shared an amused look, laughter bubbling through the both of you.

Maybe three months ago you would've taken your friend's words to be bad news, something more for you to obsess over and overthink everything from the moment Lily didn't seem remotely disgusted by James. But, the you now was almost excited at the idea that she was warming up to James. It could be a way for you to force yourself to forget about your feelings for him. Not to mention the fact that James, your best friend, finally might have a chance with the girl he'd been pining after for years. Even with all you'd gone through in trying to get over him yourself, you still felt happy for him.

Your happiness and laughter died out once you remembered your current situation. You felt helpless, dreading the school days to come more than you already did.

"Don't worry about the rumors," Lily said, noticing your weighty sigh. "Marlene and I will tell anyone we can that they're not true."

"Yeah," Marlene added. "People will move on as soon as they find something else dumb to gossip about." Her eyes lit up with mischief. "I say we find out who started the rumor and see how they like being the talk of the school. A good hair dye hex should do it."

You shook your head at Marlene, a grin fighting to break through your horrible mood. All three of you got ready for bed, and you tried not to give any more thought to all that had happened that day. You did your best to trust Lily and Marlene's words. Surely people wouldn't care much about this rumor, or believe it, for much longer. You could only hope they'd be right.

You were eternally grateful the next day was a Saturday because it meant you could stay holed up in your dorm rather than being stared at and whispered about all day. You loved days like this, when you had all the time in the world to finish up some assignments and-

Your comfortable thoughts were cut short at the sound of your name being called. You forced your tired eyes open to see Marlene at the door, poking her blonde-haired head in lazily.

"Your lover boy is calling after you."

You squinted over at her from your bed, voice laced with sleep. "Who?"

"James, who else?" She deadpanned. "He's at the bottom of the stairs."

"He told us he won't leave until he can talk to you." Lily waltzed into the room, leaning back against the dresser with a pointed look at you. "Please go and talk to him so he'll stop hovering by the girls' dorm rooms. Not a good look."

You let out a slight breath of laughter through your nose, rolling back onto your pillow again. "Tell him to come back after breakfast."

It was like you could hear the roll of Lily's eyes, not even looking up at her as she said, "It's almost noon."

You groaned. It took a lot more coaxing, but Marlene and Lily had gotten you out of bed and walking down the steps to the common room.

James and his unruly hair shifted into view as he stood up from his position against the wall, hands tucked away into his jean pockets.

"There you are." His eyes went bright from below. Even with the warmth in his tone, you felt too groggy to return it.

"What's wrong James?" You were aware of the unpleasant gravel to your voice, sounding nothing short of grumpy as you paused at the last step. It was obvious that you weren't a morning person like James was. He looked up at you with creases by his eyes, them dancing delicately over you as his cheeks seemed to raise.

"What?" you asked, pausing, suddenly feeling insecure about your bedhead.

He only smiled more, tipping his chin out at you. "You look cute when you're tired."

Your lips parted, lashes blinking quickly before you let out an awkward breath of something like laughter, looking down at your feet. You shook your head. "I meant," you began, feeling the difficulty of speaking to James now more than ever. "What's wrong? Why did you send Lily and Marlene after me?"

James stared at you like he hadn't said anything remotely out of the ordinary and rolled his eyes. "It's almost twelve and you're lying in bed on the first weekend back." He took one of your hands in his, swinging them both around aimlessly. "C'mon, let's go do something."

You tilted your head, staring at your interlocked hands. "I really don't feel like having people stare at me wherever we go today."

"It's not that many people."

You stopped the motion of your arms, giving him a disbelieving look.

He shrugged, relenting. "Okay, fine. But who cares about them?" He paused in thought, perking up again. "We can go to the library. You always like going there, and it's been practically empty ever since the prank we pulled."

You quickly let yourself think back to the night you'd spent charming half the books in the library to let out a scream at just a touch. The sides of your lips pulled up, James taking the sight in stride as he continued.

"Nobody's gonna bother you in there. And if they do, we can leave. Promise."

You could always tell when James was being sincere with the way he'd look into your eyes unwaveringly with a bit of hope being his gaze. It was always patient and never prying, and now it had you relenting and telling him to give you a minute to let you freshen up in your dorm before you left.

When you came back downstairs, the rest of the boys were waiting for you too, and the four of you walked straight to the library as promised. There were definitely some stares from just the walk through the halls, but not as many as yesterday. The thought was only partly soothing.

The five of you took a seat towards the back of the library, avoiding taking any books in case they were still charmed but taking out parchment and a quill instead. Or at least some of you did, since Sirius had been doing anything but studying for the first ten minutes you'd sat down.

"Must we hang out in the library of all places?" He let out a groan, tipping his chair back against the bookshelf behind him dramatically.

James eyed him from across the table through his glasses, finally having put them on to reluctantly do some school work. "We're staying in the library because of all the staring, remember?"

"Of course," Sirius drawled, peeking over at you. "Anything for the lady."

You frowned, rolling your eyes at the boy. He smirked, reaching behind him for a book. The four of you each recoiled back, expecting a screech to ring out through the room, but only silence followed as Sirius opened the book and lay it open on his face. You must've been sitting in the section of books you hadn't gotten to charm before Filch caught up to you.

"Well you can't hide in here forever," came Sirius's muffled voice unceremoniously like he hadn't almost unleashed screams into the quiet room. "Don't forget about the party in the common room tonight."

Your face dropped. "Ugh," you whined. "Definitely not in the mood to go to that."

Sirius removed the book that'd been covering his face, chair tipping forward with a loud snap to the wooden floor. The librarian shot him a glare that he didn't pay mind to.

"Are you kidding?" He gaped at you. "It's a yearly tradition. You're going."

Peter nodded from his spot next to Sirius. "Yeah, you can't miss it."

"We'll see." You peered down at the empty parchment in front of you. "I still have to study for Ancient Runes and work on our Potions essay."

Sirius grimaced, leaning back in his seat. "Can't believe that old git gave us an essay already. You'd think he'd be nice after forcing us to sit with those Slytherins." He looked visibly disgusted.

"Oh please," you said, shaking your head. "You lot and your house rivalry."

"This isn't about rivalry," Sirius argued, looking as serious as ever. "My partner is an actual dunce at Potions. If he wasn't so dense I'd think he was actually trying to blow my head off so I couldn't play our first Quidditch match."

"You're being dramatic. They're not that bad." You motioned to Peter. "Pete's partner seemed perfectly nice. She's a prefect, isn't she?"

Peter tensed at that, appearing to shrink in his seat. "She won't let me touch a thing." He let out a breath out like a shiver. "She scares me."

James and Sirius laughed as you tutted. "Well, my partner isn't bad." You dipped your quill into your ink, tone positive. "Sebastian's actually quite nice. And really great at Potions too."

"Yeah, well, he's a Slytherin." James's tone cut through the air with the same sour drawl Sirius had taken up. "Not exactly special."

You lifted a shoulder, feeling a crease between your brow forming. "He's in the Slug Club. That counts for something."

"Not when Slughorn favorites all the Slytherins like they're his own snake babies."

You looked up sharply from your parchment, confusion crinkling your features. "What the bloody hell are you on about James?"

He wasn't looking at you, a sore look on his face as Sirius and Peter snickered.

"Ignore him." Remus closed the pages of the book he'd been reading, probably from home, joining the conversation. "He's probably just upset he's sitting so far from Lily."

James squinted at Remus, elbows crossing on the table. "Ha ha," he mocked. "Liked you better when you were quiet."

Remus shrugged, wryly smiling through a lazy yawn as he leaned back in his seat.

"Speaking of Lily, that reminds me," you began slowly, turning in your seat. "She and I were talking about you last night, James."

He glanced your way, scanning your face carefully for a hint at whatever you were hiding.

"Uh oh," rang Sirius. "Might wanna cover your ears for this Prongs. Spare your feelings."

You glared at him. "Actually, it was all good things."

James leaned back hesitantly. "It was?"

You nodded. "You just came up in conversation and, I don't know," you shrugged a shoulder, words slow. "It seemed like you were growing on her." James watched as you glanced forward as if you were recalling a memory before your expression seemed to blossom brighter. "It looked like she was almost smiling, even."

A beat of silence passed over the table as everyone took a moment to process your words, but it was gone in an instant.

"Alright mate!" Sirius boomed as he stood up from his seat slightly, reaching across the table to shake James's shoulder. The librarian gave him a second warning stare from over his shoulder that told you any more yelling would have you all being kicked out.

James had offered a boyish half smile and nothing more, waving Sirius away. "Calm down, that doesn't mean anything." He shook his head. "We all know how Evans feels about me."

"Um, did you not hear the part about her smiling over you?" Sirius crossed his arm. "She wants you, mate."

"You should ask her out again," chipped in Peter. "I'd reckon she says yes."

"Wormtail's right," Remus added, to your disbelief. "You should ask her."

"Slow down you guys," you chimed, putting up a hand. "All I said is that she's starting to warm up to him. You're gonna scare her off."

"Yeah, so can we drop it?" James voice rang through the air with a seriousness none of you anticipated. He shifted in his chair, fixing his glasses. "Let's just go back to studying or something."

Sirius blanched, not having any of it. He stared at him through his lashes like he'd grown a second head. "Who the hell are you and what have you done with James Fleamont Potter?"

James ignored him and went back to the parchment in front of him.

"Look, James," you began, and placed a hand lightly on the side of his shoulder. "All I'm saying is, as long as you don't go proposing to her with rose petals just yet, you could have a chance." You were surprised at how genuine and hopeful your voice sounded discussing the topic of he and Lily, a feeling that was apparently new to both James and you in that moment. You shoved him a little playfully. "She seems to think you've matured."

"Well of course he's matured." Sirius leaned forward, gesturing to James. "I mean, have you seen those bloody glasses of his? He's like a sexy librarian."

You put a hand to your mouth at how loud he was being in the library of all place. James grimaced and responded by chucking a crumpled-up ball of parchment at his friend from across the table. Sirius dodged it with a cocky swerve to the right, the movement was too ragged for the chair that he'd been leaning back in to support. With a loud crash that had you cringing, it fell backward onto the floor, wood slamming against wood, and Sirius with it.

You gasped, all of you bursting out into laughter at the boy who glared up at you from the ground, a sight that had you wheezing. All your laughter echoed through the room without control, but you stopped the second you noticed the librarian coming towards you all, a ruefully cold look in her eye.

"Out!"

She pointed towards the door, and the five of you didn't need to be told twice. You managed to mask your amusement to collect your things for a second before you were all exiting the room, letting your laughter free as you stumbled through the hallway.

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