#tara walking dead gay imagine

[baseballbitch116]

Coming Out To Tara

Pairing: Tara Chambler x female reader

Word Count: 1190

Warnings: None, just good old fluff/angst between two gay women

This is a prompt that I have been wanting to write for myself for a while now, given as I love Tara and I am a partially-closeted bi-sexual girl, so I feel like we can all appreciate this sort of prompt :)

Masterlist

Prompt List | Submit A Request

You had a huge secret that you have managed to hide from the group, for the most part. Before the world went to shit, you were just another woman in the closet, confused and scared. When it all ended, you figured that your problems with having to hide your sexuality would end as well, but that was not the case. You had to lie from time to time, such as when you would have late night talks with Maggie or Beth, asking if you liked anyone in the group or about previous lovers.

When you met Tara, you knew you were in trouble. You found her very attractive right away, and she was pretty openly gay, so you feared that she would figure you out and expose your secret. It’s not like you didn’t want everyone to know - you just wanted it to be on your own terms, when you were ready.

So when you guys got to know each other while out on the road after Terminus, you did your best to seem uninterested in any way other than a friend, and you thought that she was buying it. But once your group settled into Alexandria, you found it harder and harder to keep your feelings for her hidden.

One night you caught her sitting outside. You had come out for fresh air, only to be greeted by her sitting on the porch as well, glancing over her shoulder and smiling at you as you stepped out into the cool night. Your heart dropped at that smile. She’s so friendly, and caring, and beautiful. You couldn’t think of a single thing wrong with her. “Want some company?” You ask, standing beside her, waiting for her okay to sit. She nods, patting the stair for you to sit, so you do. You are wearing a sweater over your night clothes, since it isn’t a particularly warm night. But even with your sweater, you could tell you were going to be cold after a few minutes out here. You didn’t care though, you wanted to be alone with her.

She is wrapped in a blanket, looking cozy and adorable, so inviting. You snap out of your thoughts, realizing you’re probably staring, and turn your eyes to the dark empty streets, wondering how you ended up here.

There is a comfortable silence as you take in the night together, a breeze going by here and there, sending shivers down your arms. Tara looks over at you, startling you a little when she brings her hand up to tuck your hair behind your ear and out of your face. “You’re shivering.” She notes, and you shrug, trying to play it off. “I’m fine.” You reply, acting as though you barely noticed that it was cold out. She scoots closer to you, making you turn to look at her, now at close proximity.

“Come here.” She mutters, opening her blanket covered arms, motioning for you to get in the blanket with her. You gulp nervously but move closer anyway, you thighs and arms touching now, and she places the blanket over your shoulders, resting her hand on your knee. You look down at her hand, your knee feeling on fire from her touch, and try to act calm. “You know I know, right?” She whispers, still looking at you. You snap your head to face her again, suddenly extremely close to her own face, being illuminating in the moonlight, making her look even prettier than normal.

You know what she is talking about, but you hope that you are wrong. “What?” You question, playing dumb, feeling very nervous and uncomfortable about the topic. Yes, of course you want nothing more than to kiss her and declare your love, but you are terrified to do so.

“You don’t have to admit it, I remember what it was like for me. But I know, and I can relate, ya know, if you ever wanna talk about it, or anything.” She rambles, a little nervous herself. You can’t decide what to say. Clearly she knows, should you just admit it? Does she just know that you are gay or does she know that you are into her too? You end up just looking at her like a deer in headlights for a moment, until you see her smile returning and feel her hand patting your knee.

“Uhh, how..?” You finally speak, your mouth feeling dry. Obviously she won’t judge you, although maybe she thinks you’re weak for hiding who you really are for so long. Your thoughts are racing a million per minute, and you almost don’t hear her respond. “Takes one to know one. Don’t worry, I don’t think the others figured it out. Maybe Maggie, but that’s all.” She says, trying to comfort you. You feel a little better, but only a little. “When did you figure it out?” Tara asks, clearly interested in hearing about your experience. Something about the way she was looking at you and how accepting and normal she was being, made you calm down, and want to tell her about it.

“Just before everything happened… I guess I always knew, but I didn’t really accept it for a long time.” You explain, bashfully looking in her eyes as you tell your story for the first time. She nods as you speak, resting her chin in her hand, looking genuinely interested.

“Have you ever had a girlfriend?” She presses, and you smile at the fond memory of your first kiss with a girl that you had fallen for. Unfortunately, she was straight, and had only kissed you because she was drunk and trying to show off to some guys at the party you were at - but it was still great.

“Not a real one, no. Only a few flings here and there.” You respond, and she nods again.

“Ya know… I think the others wouldn’t care at all, if you did tell them. I mean, they treat me completely normal, always have. I think you’d feel a lot better if you were to.” She says, and you shake your head, looking away.

“I will, eventually.” You mutter, not wanting to think about how you’ll ever do that. Tara drops it, understanding how difficult and scary it can be.

“Well, it’s getting a little cold. I’m gonna head in…” She says, not moving from her spot. You admire her for a moment, a gust of wind pushing her hair into her face, which you hesitantly brush behind her shoulder. And then you can see it in her eyes - she knows. And yet, she doesn’t look awkward or nervous or grossed out - she just looks like regular happy old Tara. She grins at you, touching your hand that is on her shoulder, then stands up, letting the blanket fall from her. You go to give it back, but she leans over and wraps it tighter around you, and much to your surprise, kisses you cheek. It’s quick and over in an instant, but it leaves you smiling for the rest of the night, suddenly feeling not so scared about letting your secret out.

---

Leave a comment if you would like to be added to my taglist for Tara or any other Walking Dead characters :)

@mandybasi @fanofthestuff @itsregional @annabethgranger123 @jessik-popimagines @thegayroyal @imagaywizard @tarachamblerdeservesbetter @saralucilleburch @multigaydom-fics @mummy-woves-you @anadorablepsycho @whovianayesha @fangxrll @carl-isbae @flannelatheart @gay-garbage-fire @bi-danvers0 @curiousserious 

[im-not-a-joke]

can you talk about the heartstopper in the cyclone accident au?

always yes yes yes

if youre seeing this in the heartstopper tag, youll have no clue whats happening, so go watch ride the cyclone, thank me later.

The Group (charlie, nick, tao, elle, darcy, and tara) go to the fair to commemorate the end of their summer break (holiday? im a filthy american i wouldn't know)

darcy makes them all go on her favorite ride, the cyclone, luckily, there are just enough seats for the six of them

they sit (corresponding with their rtc counterpart) tara and darcy, nick and charlie, elle and tao.

(also im giving tao ricky's disabilities because i think that would be so slay.)

then the accident happens.

they get to the warehouse, and five of them (tara, darcy, nick, charlie, and tao) are greeted by karnak, who tells them about the rules and yada yada yada

he then introduces the mystery contestant, who he calls jane doe (its elle). she lost her head in the accident, and, as a replacement, has the head of a doll tao won her earlier in the day. no one remembers anything about her, including charlie and tao.

tara goes first, she sings about her dreams and plans for the future, including lines about her and darcy moving away from their hometown. she's a little tad bit mean to everyone else, but it's lighthearted.

charlie goes next. he sings about his dreams of being born in a different, more accepting place, where he would never have been bullied for being gay. (his number does include a kiss with nick)

nick gets the mischa two song treatment. the first song is about rugby, its very this song is awesome-esque. the second song is a really emotional song (in french) about charlie and how he'll never be able to give him everything because they're both dead.

karnak is then like "hey do you want to know what would have happened had the accident never happened" and nick is like "yeah duh" but charlie stops him because it already hurts enough that theyre dead, theres no point in hurting more at the thought of what could have been.

okay but imagine the "i will vote for noel" scene with nick and charlie. they love and care about each other so much.

tao goes next, his song is about his fantasy movie that he lives in in his head, featuring charlie as his bff because canon and elle as the main love interest (despite him not being able to remember her) he concedes his vote because he has accepted his death, and the Hero would never vote for himself

this is followed by elle, who sings the ballad of jane doe. i think shes so neat

then, tara leads them in celebrating a little birthday for elle. they sing the new birthday song, its sweet, elle really appreciates it.

here are the little duo groups:

nick and charlie talk about how thoroughly they improved each others lives, and agree that they are content to be in the afterlife together.

tao and elle talk about elle's birthday celebration, and tao gives her the temporary name penny, penny with the brownest eyes. tao is in love with her, its adorable

tara and darcy talk about how hard it is for them to accept that its over, and darcy hints at voting for elle to come back. tara is conflicted

this leads into darcy's monologue about how she feels about their little hometown, and how she used to be embarrassed about it but realizes that the only good things that happened to her happened there. she sings sugarcloud, its so good.

after sugarcloud, tara and darcy have a moment together (tm) and karnak announces that the final decision will be tara's

she ends up accepting her fate, satisfied to be here with her friends, and chooses elle (it is a unanimous vote though, the rest of them would have voted for her)

elle walks into the light, coming back to life

"her name is elle argent..." etc, the little karnak speech

they watch a montage of her growing old, happy for her (it's not a game)

then, all accepting of their fate, they sing it's just a ride, leading them into their final afterlife.

[rrickgrrimes8]

Request Form

hey so my requests are open if you click the link in my bio thing it’ll take you to it or click this requests :) Let me know if any links dont work

Guidelines:

When requesting please give me the character/celebrity, the show or movie they are from, a description of what you want, whether it will be fluff, angst, smut etc and if you want to be tagged. 

Please specify if you would like it to be a female, gender neutral or male reader. However because i am a girl and know nothing about gay sex i wont write malexmale smut. I have no experience in it so i doubt id be good at writing it. i’m sorry. I will do threesomes (or more) where at least one woman is present :) 

I wont write an imagine about a gay character being straight. 

I am willing to write imagines about dark topics. Such as depression, suicide, eating disorders, etc. I will not however write in detail about rape but i am okay with it being mentioned/ hinted. I also dont like writing imagines where the character/celebrity is a kidnapper or murderer sorry. I also wont do incest relationships.

I dont do ships. I do reader imagines or if youd like to add a name to your request then ill more than happily do it like that.

I will do imagines on plus sizes readers. I will do imagines for family imagines as well and platonic ones too. 

When you request something dont expect it to be up straightaway but i will try my hardest to be as quick as possible. I promise i havent forgotten i just havent gotten round to it :) 

In the future there may be some changes to this list based on what i am interested in at the current time. Also if a character you want to request for isnt on the list but the actor is feel free to ask if i’ll do it for that character :)

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If you dont like my work then feel free to block/ ignore it but please do not sned hate (i’m too soft for that shit) I will take criticism and welcome corrections if necessary. If you like it please like the post and if possible reblog it. Thank you!!

🙋‍♀️= favourites to write for

Movies/ Shows/ Celebrities I Write For:

The Walking Dead:

Rick Grimes 🙋‍♀️

Negan

Daryl Dixon

Michonne

Glenn Rhee

Carl Grimes

Maggie Greene

Beth Greene

Enid

Rosita Espinosa

Tara Chambler

Noah

Jessie Anderson

Ron Anderson  🙋‍♀️

Doctor Who:

Ninth Doctor

Tenth Doctor 🙋‍♀️

Eleventh Doctor 🙋‍♀️

Rose Tyler

Amy Pond

Clara Oswald

Mickey Smith

Martha Jones 🙋‍♀️

Sally Sparrow

Teen Wolf:

Stiles Stilinski 🙋‍♀️

Lydia Martin 🙋‍♀️

Scott Mccall

Malia Tate

Allison Argent

Kira Yukimura

American Horror Story:

Tate Langdon

Violet Harmon

Kit Walker 🙋‍♀️

Kyle Spencer 🙋‍♀️

Lana Winters

Madison Montgomery

Misty Day

Cordelia Goode

Billie Dean Howard

The Maze Runner: (The movies)

Newt 🙋‍♀️

Thomas

Teresa

True Romance

Alabama Whitman

Clarence Worley

Grand Army:

Dominique Pierre 🙋‍♀️

Joey Del Marco

Jayson Jackson

Owen Williams

John Ellis

Meera Pakam

Spiderman (2017-present):

Peter Parker 🙋‍♀️

MJ 🙋‍♀️

Liz Allan

Mysterio

Euphoria:

Rue Bennett 🙋‍♀️

Cassie Howard 🙋‍♀️

Fezco 🙋‍♀️

Katherine Hernandez

Lexi Howard

Chris Mckay

Ethan  🙋‍♀️

Sex Education:

Maeve Wiley  🙋‍♀️

Otis Milburn

Jackson Marchetti

Stranger Things:

Mike Wheeler  🙋‍♀️

Eleven

Billy Hargrove

Robin Buckley

Steve Harrington

Buffy The Vampire Slayer:

Spike  🙋‍♀️

Cordelia Chase  🙋‍♀️

Buffy Summers

Anya Jenkins

Oz

Faith

Jake Gyllenhaal & Characters:

Jake Gyllenhaal 🙋‍♀️

Donnie Darko

Detective Loki 🙋‍♀️

Jamie Randall

Robert Graysmith

Sam Hall

Davis Mitchell

Homer Hickam

Mysterio

Tom Holland & Characters:

Tom Holland 🙋‍♀️

Peter Parker 🙋‍♀️

Lucas (the impossible)

Isaac (how i live now)

Bradley (edge of winter) 🙋‍♀️

Dylan Obrien & Characters:

Dylan Obrien 🙋‍♀️

Thomas

Stiles Stilinski 🙋‍♀️

Caleb Holloway

Mitch Rapp 🙋‍♀️

Dave Hodgman

Andrew Lincoln & Characters:

Andrew Lincoln  🙋‍♀️

Rick Grimes  🙋‍♀️

Simon Casey

Mark (Love Actually)

Misc Celebrities & Characters:

Josh Dun  🙋‍♀️

Tyler Joseph

Zendaya  🙋‍♀️

Alycia Debnam-Carey

Matty Healy

Joseph Gordon-Levitt  🙋‍♀️

Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter)

Spencer Reid (Criminal Minds)

Thomas Brodie-Sangster

Bradley Cooper

Dave Franco

Paul Rudd

Anna Kendrick  🙋‍♀️

Amandla Stenberg

Nick Robinson

Maddy Whittier (Everything, Everything)

Olly Bright  (Everything, Everything)

Miles Teller

Ethan Dolan

Grayson Dolan  🙋‍♀️

Bellamy Blake (The 100)  🙋‍♀️

Elliot Alderson (Mr Robot)

Cassandra Thomas (Promising Young Woman)

*NONE OF THESE GIFS ARE MINE*

[damndaehyung]

Level 7 Friendship

JTMD AU Includes: Daniel, Tyler

“Tyler Lee, just the man I was looking for,” Daniel greeted Tyler as he spotted walking across campus alone. Tyler spun around with an unimpressed look on his face, an eyebrow cocked up as he looked over at Daniel. Daniel smiled sheepishly pretending to fix his beret but really it was to turn on the stupid camera the girls had insisted he wear.

“Really because i had the distinct feeling that you were avoiding me?” Tyler said, his posture radiating annoyance. “What happened to okay we will try to be friends? You know I was going out of my way to make an effort,” he continued, his hand going to his waist making Daniel feel like was definitely getting scolded.

“Oh,” Daniel said softly, looking down. “So Tara didn’t tell you?” he asked looking up with wet eyes. Caleb had always told Daniel that his acting classes would come in handy, Daniel never imagined it would be like this.

“Tell me what?” Tyler asked with a frown.

“Oh my god this is so embarrassing,” Daniel whined dramatically. “Forget it,” he said, turning around, counting down in his three, two, one.

  “Hey no,” Tyler said, grabbing his wrist. Daniel smirked inwardly, this was going easier then he thought it would be. “You can tell me, whatever it is, I promise I won't judge,” Tyler said softly, Daniel knew he was trying to be a supportive friend but there was the tiniest hint of hopefulness to his tone which threw Daniel for a loop.

“Oh no you got it wrong, it’s not embarrassing for me it’s embarrassing for you,” Daniel said pulling out of Tyler’s grasp. “Look your girlfriend-” he said, watching as Tyler’s brows furrowed. Maybe he was wondering which one Daniel was referring to it must be hard to keep your stories straight when you are dating several people all at once. “She told me to stay away from you in a more colourful way,” he admitted with a frown.

“Also she is kinda homophobic, implying that only reason i would even want to know you is because i want to get in your pants like gay men can never have actual male friends, also now that i think about it it’s kinda insulting to you because she is implying that only noteworthy thing about you is your body,” he paused him ‘ramble’ to look Tyler up and down. “Which i am sure is a very lovely body but it's kinda mean,” he shrugged. “I didn’t want to tell you because I know you had a bad break up and who am i to judge your rebound,” he said.

“My girlfriend said that to you?” Tyler asked with a frown. “I don’t have a girlfriend -” he explained.

“Well someone better tell Maurice that because she told me you two were destined to get married and if i get in the way of that -” he said, making a throat-slitting motion.

“Do you mean Maude?” he asked, if he looked annoyed before then he was straight up angry now. His jaw was clenched, his eyes were narrowed and his hands were balled up into fists.

“Is she a brunette, brown eyes, about ye high?” Daniel said, gesturing for how high he believed Maude to be. Tyler nodded a grimace on his face.

“Look, Daniel,” he statred, “She isn’t my girlfriend, she is my ex,” he explained.

“I thought you said her name was Minah,” Daniel pointed out.

“Yes, that was my most recent ex, Maude is a little while ago,” Tyler said. “Look our break up was kinda messy, i admit i was - it was just bad but Maude had always been a good friend to me before we were together so we agreed to be friends but she is-”

‘“Kinda you know-” he said making a crazy gesture with his hand.

“No,” Tyler shoved him playfully, “I think she keeps hoping for something that won’t happen,” he said. “I am really sorry though she had no right to say any of that to you,” he said once again reaching out and grabbing Daniel’s hands. Daniel smiled stepping back and effectively freeing his hands once more

“Yeah it’s not your fault,” Daniel said. “Don’t worry about it,” he said waving dismissively

“So you said you were looking for me?” Tyler asked curiously.

“Yes, so firstly are you free on Thursday?” Daniel asked.

“Depends on the time?” Tyler said

“Morning, around 10-ish?”

“Yeah I should be,” Tyler said. “What do you have in mind?” he asked,

“Crossfit,” Daniel said. “My friend has roped me into going to a class? Is it a class? With her and her boyfriend and you look pretty fit,” he said as Tyler smirked. “Oh stop smirking I meant like healthy,” Daniel said with an eye roll. “So hopefully you can distract them when I surely collapse by actually being good at you know… gym stuff,” he said.

“Awww,” Tyler cooed. “Sweetie, I think you need to work on your stamina,” he said with a teasing grin. “You want to come to practice this week? I can help you get ready for it, you know make you last longer than a minute?” He smirked, the double innuendo was not lost on Daniel.

“I don’t know why I would go to you if I wanted someone who could last-“ Daniel rolled his eyes. “Anyway is that a yes?” he continued.

“Don’t worry I got your back” Tyler said. “And I always last,” he grinned.

————

“So you want to explain to me why you bought Tyler Lee along?” Mia asked as they found seats at the cafe just near her boyfriend's gym for a ‘light lunch’. Daniel let out a groan making vague hand gestures, he didn’t want to talk, talking hurt, everything hurt. Why his supposed friend wanted and successfully tortured him was beyond him. “Are you friends?” she continued to ask Daniel let out a noise that he hoped sounded like a well. “Okay are you fucking?” she asked as Daniel flopped in a chair wincing as his body ached, glaring at her, he shook his head. So said friend not only tortures him but insults him. “Okay okay,” she held her hands up in defence.

“What are we talking about?” Mia’s boyfriend Topher said as he and Tyler sat down placing the table number down.

“My funeral,” Daniel whined. “I’m dead, maybe not literally yet -it’s coming though, - but figuratively,” he said resting his head against his palms. The table laughed at his pain, did he expect from the two traitors and some who choose to go by the worst half of a Christopher.

“Aww dude you didn’t even do that bad,” Topher said, his name is Topher and he says the word dude. Daniel would hate him if he didn’t look like he could bench press him and have the personality of a large golden retriever, bigger than necessary but oddly lovable.

“Yeah so what if you didn’t finish the workout,” Mia said biting back a giggle as Tyler patted his back humming in mock sympathy.

“You lasted longer than I expected,” Tyler commented. Their supposed support and praise was nothing but sugar-coated arsenic. Daniel looked up glaring at the pair causing them to both laugh even more.

“The first time is awkward for everyone,” Topher said as sincerely as possible, despite his well-meaning attempts to defend him, Tyler and Mia, like the filthy-minded fools they were, burst out laughing. “No seriously most first-timers don't do well, at least he didn’t pull a muscle,” he continued.

“Aww babe never change,” Mia said beaming at him, interlocking their hands. Daniel’s nose scrunched up, ah couples - disgusting. “At the very least Daniel had three guys offering to give him CPR if he really needed it,” she said with a grin. Daniel grinned, that was true, the only good thing about gyms was the guys.

“I am the only one who got any numbers,” Daniel nodded. “Even after Tyler's little striptease he still got no numbers,” he grinned, nudging the boy beside him. “Oh it's so hot let me just take my top off,” he said mockingly.

“Topher and several other guys had their shirts off,” Tyler pointed out. “Seems the only one who noticed was you,” he smirked.

“You wish, I was in too much pain to even look at you,” Daniel sighed. “But i am sure it was a great show even if you didn’t get any numbers, maybe you should show some leg next time,” he teased. Daniel was saved from whatever witty comeback Tyler was going to throw his way by a waitress showing up and putting their drinks down, her eyes staying on Tyler the whole time.

“Maybe i will get that number after all,” Tyler smirked.

“Is this foreplay for you guys?” Topher asked, causing Daniel to spit out his drink, grabbing napkins he quickly wiped up his drinks. “I am sorry was that too blunt? I just don’t get why you would be okay with your boyfriend getting other people’s numbers,” he said. Mia once again started to giggle.

“Oh no- “ Daniel said, shaking his head a little too quickly if the ache in his neck was anything to go by, “We aren’t a couple,’ he said pointedly. “We are just friends - Ty is straight like Captain of the baseball team, head frat boy, has multiple crazy ex-girlfriends type of straight,” Daniel said.

“Basketball and no crazy ex-girlfriends but the sentiment is right,” Tyler explained. “But if we were, I would win clearly,” he said.

“Firstly who cares they all have a ball involved, two at the very least ONE crazy girlfriend and three if we were a couple i’d be the hot one who gets all the numbers,” Daniel said taking a sip of his juice, smiling as he nibbled on the straw.

“If i was your boyfriend other guys wouldn’t be brave enough to give you their numbers,” Tyler said. Daniel rolled his eyes, having a boyfriend had never stopped someone from giving him their numbers before. He couldn’t see how Tyler Lee would be able to stop them.

“Are you sure you two aren’t -” Topher said, raising an eyebrow.

“Definitely sure,” Daniel cut him off as the waitress came back with their food, as expected her number was tucked in Tyler’s napkin. “I am still winning,” Daniel said in a sing-song voice as Tyler rolled his eyes scrunching the number up and tossing it onto the street once the waitress had turned around and started walking back inside the cafe. Daniel’s brows furrowed leaning across to whisper what he is doing. If he was going to play the game, he had to act like he believed Tyler was heartbroken .” She could have been a good rebound,” he whispered.

“Eat your food,” Tyler whispered back. Daniel rolled his eyes shaking his head, turning his attention to his food.

The rest of their brunch continued on pretty pleasantly. Topher and Tyler continued to talk sport, something Daniel couldn’t care less about. Mia told them all about her production of Much To Do About Nothing was going and how her sorority was having problems with some of the freshman, Tyler decided to offer his expertise on the subject. It was easy to forget the pain he was going through when they were having a good time but once lunch was over and it was time to head back to his apartment he was reminded.

“Tyler since you are my friend I have a favour to ask you,” Daniel said seriously stopping in the middle of the footpath, Tyler turned around looking at him curiously.

“What does this favour entail?” he said, sounding unsure.

“A mercy killing, specifically killing me,” Daniel whined, “Why did you let me do this to myself, is it revenge for avoiding you after Mindy told me off,” he asked, noticing the way Tyler reacted to Daniel’s purposely wrong name for Maude. Daniel raised an eyebrow was Mindy another ex? Geez, how many of these girls did this guy actually date, not every girl he fucked had to turn into a girlfriend, he could just hook up with them and then throw them away like used tissues.

Whatever ‘Mindy’ inspired in Tyler was over quickly because the next thing he knew Tyler was chuckling. “One I am not killing you why should I be merciful to you?” he asked with a teasing grin. “Two, you asked me to come and three her name is Maude and i explained that situation to you and now that i think about it you owe me after how cruelly you treated me over something that wasn’t my fault,”

“It was so, she is your ex, so therefore she is your fault,” Daniel huffed. “And fine, to make it up to you I'll use my AMM login to hook you up with a model,” he offered as Tyler’s nose scrunched up. “What? you don’t want to date a model?”

“Why are you pushing for me to hook up with someone?” Tyler asked, raising an eyebrow.

“To help you get over your ex?” Daniel offered. “That is what our friendship is for right? To help each other with our broken hearts?” he pointed out.

“So you are just trying to get rid of me bypassing me off to another girl?” Tyler asked with a frown. “I don’t know-” he started before Daniel cut him off.

“Hey i didn’t mean it like that, I was just trying to help,” He said holding his hands up. “I just figured you’d be into dating a very pretty girl,” he said. “Sorry,” he offered.

“It’s fine,” Tyler huffed. “I just feel like you don’t actually want to -” he trailed off, “I mean you haven’t even given me your phone number, normal friends give each other phone numbers,” he pointed out.

“Fine,” Daniel said, “I guess we have reached friendship level 7,” Daniel admitted. “I mean you did come to the hell on earth known as Crossfit with me so,” he said with a nudge as Tyler held his phone out. Daniel rolled his eyes typing his number in. “There you are now one of the few people that actually have my number, don’t give it to anyone without my permission,” he said with narrowed eyes after Minah somehow managed to get his number he was even more careful.

“Who would i give it to?” Tyler snorted texting him so he had his number.

“I don’t know who would you give it to?” Daniel asked, wiggling his eyebrows at Tyler. Tyler rolled his eyes, shoving him.

“Come on let's get you home before your legs give out,” Tyler said. “Do you think you can walk or do i have to carry you?” he teased.

“I can walk, you’ll just have to listen to me complain,” he said. “And you aren’t coming to my house, you need to be at friendship level 15 for that, so you know get to work.”

[mtvswatches]

Wynonna Earp 2x11 Gone as a Girl Can Get

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) Nicole and Waverly are in the middle of this revenant war…

…and honestly, just before watching this episode, I was wondering what the ramifications of Wynonna vanishing from existence would be. Does this mean that everyone she’s ever killed is still alive…?

2) Oh, so Waverly remembers Wynonna at this point! So what happened between her vanishing and now?! At least I’m glad to hear Waverly knows how to get her back…

3) What the actual fuck! Did they all just blow up?!

That’s a crapload of information for the first minute of an episode!!

4) So… clearly reality has been altered, and old Doc does not have a clue what this Alt!Doc has been doing. Apparently, he’s the “boss” of the revenants now, and he’s killed many of them since the ring has gone missing, which is the alt!reason he was in the well - looking for the ring. But Doc remembers Wynonna and he’s mind is set on finding her, he doesn’t care about the ring at all. I’m really interested in seeing what was the chain of events unleashed by the erasure of Wynonna’s existence…

And damn, he truly is the boss…

5) “Without Wynonna, I’m…” What was he going to say?! I need to know! I need to know how he perceives Wynonna’s influence on him! I know what was her impact on him, but I need to hear him say it!

Well, instead of protecting Rosita and dating her, Alt!Doc kidnapped her and has her shackled in a shed. Of course, after realizing what his alter ego has done, he immediately releases her and asks her to take him to Waverly… GIBSON?! She changed her name! And Xavier is the deputy…

6) Mercedes The Widow is still being held by Xavier, who can’t really remember how they captured her in the first place. She seems to believe that without Wynonna, she and her sister are free and Dolls and the gang will all die. But why would she let Xavier know that he should be looking for a woman?

7) Damn, Alt!Doc is vicious! He scarred Xavier with a knife and apparently blew up the power plant, lumber yard, and Nedley’s house, I’m assuming with nedley in it. DAMN. Doc mentions “her” and it seems to trigger something in Dolls, but it’s not enough yet to make him remember Wynonna. And now they’re throwing Doc in the same cell where the Widow is…

8) Wait…

2015? So this means that in Wynonna-less universe, Nedley was killed even before she got to Purgatory?

9) And now Nicole is putting on lipstick and getting ready for someone’s visit and thank god, it is Waverly… but Waverly is obviously engaged to someone else and Nicole has clearly been pining over her all this time, that’s as sweet as it is sad.

10) Nicole is wearing a wedding ring because she was indeed married - as we learned in the previous episode, but she can’t remember why she’s wearing it. Waverly, on the other hand, is sort of having second thoughts about marrying “him”. (Who is “him” by the way? Is it the douche she was dating at the beginning of the show? Champ, was it?) And even in a completely different universe there’s this undeniable gravitational pull between these two…

Kind of reminds me of Willow and Tara in Tabula Rasa, you know? Memories erased but their mutual attraction survived…

11) Now, that’s interesting… the Widow has run out of poison.

12) So this is who she is marrying?

That’s one of the guys who had made the deal with the demon, using the cup that the Iron Witch used to vanish Wynonna…

Alt!Waverly keeps talking about wanting to escape Purgatory, which is basically the opposite of what our Waverly would do. And we also learn that they almost got married three times… How can’t she tell that’s a huge warning sign and that maybe she shouldn’t be marrying at all?

13) Huh. I guess Alt!Waverly has the same issues with her partner as regular Waverly…

WAVERLY: Because knowing something about me before me is a total invasion of my privacy?

What he found was the MAN who killed Waverly’s family, does that mean we’ll see Bobo again…? (I guess in this reality it wasn’t Wynonna who accidentally shot their dad...)

14) YES MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED!

I’ll never stop wanting Bobo back! And Bobo, just like Dolls, can tell that reality has been altered. He tells Waverly that she has another sister, Wynonna, who is missing and whom she needs to find, but of course, he’s a fucking madman so why would she believe her? There’s one thing, though, Wynonna's influence wasn’t completely erased, considering Bobo still let Waverly leave as a result of Wynonna traveling to the past, saving him and telling him her name was Waverly… So there are echoes of her existence, I guess? Bobo did say she was “shaded”, so that means that she’s been hidden somehow but still there, right?

15) Oh, Widow McBitch is still trying to raise Clootie…

…but it’s not working because it requires both of the widows to perform the ritual. I guess she’s going to break her sister free now.

16) This is some Back to the Future shit, isn’t it?

17) Called it.

At least Doc is out, too.

18) I truly love how Doc got to Jeremy, like, he truly knows Jeremy?

19) Doc next visits Waverly, who is terrified at the sight of him and that probably hurt him badly considering Waverly had always had a soft spot for him. Damn, I really love what they did with Doc in this episode? There’s no Wynonna, and he could’ve so easily jumped on the “I’m the town’s boss” wagon, he was a king in this reality, probably the kind of villain he’d always wanted to be, but Wynonna’s influence and presence is too strong to ignore it. He’s a changed man because of her, and even if she doesn’t exist, he can’t revert to his old ways. There was no hesitation, no “well, maybe I could get used to this...” And to see him going around town trying to rally the troops and convince them that he’s a good guy and that there’s a better reality is just… *chef’s kiss*

20) DAMN HE WENT THERE!

HE ACTUALLY SHOT DOLLS! But at least he feels bad about it…

21) WTF NOW DOLLS FUCKING SHOT DOC!!!

THIS IS THE DARKEST TIMELINE AND I HONESTLY FEEL LIKE TROY...

22) Damn, I know this isn’t real and yet…

At least he told her how to bring Wynonna back before he died, right?

And she fucking cried? She was terrified of him two minutes ago, but when she saw him die it’s like she remembered she loved him? 

23) Nicole can’t keep it in her pants and I love it…

WAVERLY: You’d do that for me?

NICOLE: I’d do a lot of things to you.

WAVERLY: “For”. “For” me.

NICOLE: Yeah, that, too.

24) Dolls is about to die and he’s instructing Jeremy to “locate the asset” and “complete the mission” and I have no idea what he’s talking about but I do get this…

And he remembered Wynonna right before he died…

25) And the Iron Witch…

…has lost an eye, had a shitty life and had her sister killed by the season 1 killer Jack of Knives… I guess she’s a cautionary tale for the old saying “be careful what you wish for.”

26) The Iron Witch lifts the glamour for a few seconds, which allows both Waverly and Nicole to remember what brought them here and who Wynonna is, and I just… Waverly’s face when she remembers her sister just about killed me…

And how they describe her? Warm and funny and insanely protective? Yes to all.

27) Bobo is on the loose!

They need to get into the homestead, which has been taken over by revenants, and who better to get you through a sea of revenants than the king of revenants himself, right?

28) Jeremy and Rosita jumped to the conclusion that Black Badge must be behind the time-altering spell by tainting the town’s water supply with drugs… for some reason?

29) Why do I fear that Wynonna will be back right after these two assholes raise their Big Bad of a husband…?

30) Okay, so they need to remove the talisman that Bobo made Waverly bury when she was a little girl, which allowed revenants to walk on the homestead’s ground… and while they’re digging and digging the Widows are getting closer and closer and the revenants are approaching them as well… it’s chaos…

31) “Also, I think I’m gay.” Okay, this is definitely a callback to Willow in Tabula Rasa!!! There’s no way this wasn’t done on purpose!!!

32) And now Rosita is fucking dead! Who else is going to die in this reality? Seriously, I’m getting some serious “The Wish” vibes here…

33) EVERYONE IS GOING TO DIE. Waverly is going to blow the trophy and themselves up to bring Wynonna back!

34) One more for the road…

35) They did it. They blew everything up and now they’re themselves again.

But is Wynonna back….?

36) And Bobo’s still here! What does that mean? I’m happy, but why?! How is that possible? Does that mean that Dolls and Doc are still dead?

37) Bobo is making a deal with the Widows, fuck, Bobo! Don’t betray me like this!

38) Wynonna is back! And she’s still pregnant, thank god! I thought she might have been sent to another dimension where the time goes by at a different pace and the baby might be a teenager by the time they were returned to this reality...

39) OH FUCK.

She’s having the baby at the same time that Clootie’s been raised!

40) Well, that was an interesting episode. I liked the exploration of what Purgatory and everyone’s lives would have been like had Wynonna never existed, although I think some things were not as I would’ve imagined them. I also kind of feel this was something that could’ve been explored a little bit more? It felt kind of rushed. I mean, it was a major spell, erasing someone’s existence, and I guess considering Wynonna’s impact on everyone’s life, her absence was bound to be noticeable, regardless of how powerful the spell was. But for the viewer’s sake, it would’ve been interesting to explore this world a little bit more? I don’t know, I was left wanting. Of course, there’s no reason why we can’t go back to this universe again in the future, right?

And while I found a lot of parallels between this episode and Buffy’s “Tabula Rasa” and “The Wish”, I like this show’s take on the whole “memories erased” trope because of two reasons: 1) Wynonna’s absence and the echoes of her existence were truly felt, kind of like what happened with Peter Bishop in Fringe, and 2) even if the spell was broken, it still had repercussions… Bobo is still alive, for once. And although we’re still lacking an explanation for that, I think it’s interesting the writers chose to make the spell have actual real-life consequences because it’s easy for supernatural shows to explore other realities in this way and then once the spell is broken, nothing of what transpired in the episode has real consequences. But this is not the case here.  Like I mentioned, Bobo is back. Clootie is out. And we’re yet to find out if Dolls and Doc are alive…

Everything is a mess going into the season finale and I can’t wait to find out how they wrap up this season!

41)  Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

[purpleglovedloser]

Why representation of minorities is sometimes bad

It sometimes annoys me a little bit when people immediately praise a tv show because it has representation of minorities in it. Don’t get me wrong here, representation is good and the more the better. But that does not mean that every representation is good. How many times have series disappointed or straight up angered us because of it? When killing off a character, conveniently it’s always that one gay character, or that one POC character. This indicates that the only reason that the writers made them gay or POC in the first place, was for brownie points. Tokenistic representation is NOT representation, as it sometimes ends up hurting the community more than it does good. A few examples from recent years:

Lexa from The 100 being killed, which killed the only gay relationship on the show. Bill from Doctor Who, a black lesbian woman, died after one season. Curtis from Misfits dying, one of the only black people on the show. Dr. Melendez from The Good Doctor, the only Latino character, died. Tara And Jesus, both LGBT+, died on The Walking Dead. At LEAST three LGBT+ characters on Game of Thrones. And honestly I could go on because tv writers do this all the times and it is a problem. They have an endless stream of white, straight characters and most of them get to live. It’s always the character that’s a minority that gets killed and I’m so tired of it. They couldn’t care less about being diverse or representing minorities correctly, all they want is to not be accused of being ‘too white’ or ‘too straight’, so they throw in one gay character or one POC. Only to kill them off after one or two seasons, of course. But now they can say that they are ‘diverse’, because they once had this one minority on the show. This is tokenistic. This is not proper representation.

Of course there are exceptions to this. Orange is the New Black is probably the best example of this, because there are more people from a minority than there are straight white people. Not to mention there are barely any men. Yes, they killed off Poussey, who was black and LGBT+, but the difference here is that when she left, there were still POC characters and LGBT+ characters on the show. So the representation of these minority groups didn’t stop there. Other shows that handle representation very well are Blackish, Killing Eve, Dear White People, Euphoria, Sense8, One Day at a Time, Pose, and Vida. (I think all are on Netflix except Euphoria but I’m not sure) The sad part is that I had to dig deep in order to find these shows. (I haven’t watched all of them yet) I had to search for a while to find these shows, whereas it’s ridiculously easy to find a show where all the leads are white and straight. Just go on whatever streaming service like Netflix and pick a random movie. Chances are through the roof.

Now I know I’ve been focusing on LGBT+ and POC and those are not the only minority groups out there. There are groups that are way less represented than these, such as the disabled community. How often do you see a character that’s either mentally or physically disabled, where their disability isn’t a part of the plot? Like, their disability just exists, without some plot revolving around ‘curing their depression/anxiety’, or parents ‘handling their child’s autism’, or a character ‘trying to live with the loss of sensation in their legs after an accident which in the end only makes them stronger’. Most disabilities can’t be cured. It is a part of a person’s identity, and yet in tv shows it always seems to be painted as a disease, as something that has to be fixed. I’m not saying some disabilities aren’t impacting someone’s life hugely in a negative way, because of course that happens. And as an able-bodied person I don’t want to make assumptions about disabilities because there’s too much I’ll probably never know. But what I will say is that in my personal experience, I have hardly ever seen representation of disabilities where the disability wasn’t short-lived, meaning it was gone after a few episodes, through either curing it or that character just leaving. This is super harmful for disabled people watching these shows, who I can only imagine feel totally invalidated. In case anyone needs it, here are a couple shows with great disability representation: EastEnders, Crossroads, and Call the Midwife, which has two disabled characters played by disabled actors.

When I’m trying to say is, please, don’t praise a show for having (had) a character from a minority simply because of the fact they had one at all. If the character gets killed off after a short while, or represents the community negatively, it is NOT a representation but a token attempt to gain more audiences.

[acsversace-news]

March 1994, Miami. An unsteady Gianni, wearing sunglasses and with his hoodie up, is helped down a hospital hallway by Antonio. He pauses when he sees the room at the end of the hall, and its inhabitants: two frail-looking men, apparently receiving transfusions. The doctor from the previous episode approaches and murmurs, "There are no journalists here." Gianni removes his hood and shades as he's told in VO, "There are drugs; the therapies are complex, difficult. But there are options."

We cut then to Gianni and Antonio and the doctor in her office, but before Gianni talks about his other sister, let's…just get into it with The AIDS Rumor, which if I understand correctly is the Versace family's primary objection to American Crime Story. The show to this point has taken pains not to identify Gianni's malady, I imagine primarily to avoid a lawsuit, but also possibly in part to create a meta conversation about what viewers might presume is -- and what law enforcement did presume was -- afflicting a gay man. I think it's Richard Lawson in last week's episode of the Still Watching: Versace podcast who notes that the mid- to late nineties marked the end of the period in the culture in which every story about gay men centered around HIV/AIDS, or at least dwelt in the shadow of the disease. And if this is the diagnosis that Gianni received in 1994, we hadn't quite gotten to the point with the cocktail and various other advances in treatment where we thought of AIDS as a manageable chronic condition; we didn't quite think of it as an absolute death sentence the way we had even five years prior, but the odds still weren't great.

Those odds had improved somewhat by the time Gianni was killed -- but this was not widely understood, and if I'm not mistaken the family was determined to keep the diagnosis secret, if only for business reasons, so they went with a cover story about a "rare ear cancer" that had a cheerier prognosis and nothing to do with Gianni's sexuality (and with which the doctor's bromides above would dovetail), so as not to upset the investor herd before the IPO. The family also made sure to retrieve Gianni's body extremely quickly from the M.E.'s office, and had it cremated just as quickly, no doubt motivated by the same fear that his actual condition might become public. It can be a little hard to plug into this particular strain of paranoia here in 2018, but if you lived through the eighties…my God, the contortions public figures would go through, felt they had to go through (and were not wrong), to deny that they were ill or that it was AIDS. Freddie Mercury in particular, it just became the only thing anyone had to say about him despite his repeated denials. (I love that he wouldn't give the press the satisfaction until literally the day before he died. "Fine: it's AIDS. Happy now? Great. BYE BITCHES.") And what was his other choice? Admit it, and then on top of facing the end, he's got to do it in the corner, heaped up with judgment. What a grimy and unjust way for the world to do Freddie after everything he gave it.

This is, then, what the Versace family wanted to avoid, and I get it. I guess I get it still continuing 20 years later, their rigid refusal to engage with this reality, because who knows what clauses lurk in various partnership agreements about transparency or due diligence or whatever. Not that I wouldn't get behind a "yeah, he had AIDS, and it was ONE THING about the guy so fuck off" attitude, because duh, but: this is where it is right now. Where the show is, I think, is implying as strongly as it possibly can without opening the network to a full-court libel press that Gianni Versace had received an AIDS diagnosis, and because 1) I think this is likely and 2) it speaks to the larger story, to Andrew Cunanan's story, and to the time in which we find their stories, this is how I will also proceed. End sidebar. "Thank God." Yeah, wait 'til I start getting granular about mint marks. You'll long for the halcyon days of this paragraph.

Okay, so: back to the doctor's office. Gianni relates that, before Donatella was born, his older sister Tina became very ill with peritonitis. His parents sent him to live with an aunt and uncle, but he got homesick and ran all the way home -- to find his sister in an open casket, "surrounded by white flowers." Nobody told him she had died. "Until that moment I believed that if you get sick, you can also get better," he says grimly, and: see above. The line makes more sense if you don't think he's talking about ear cancer, no?

Back at the manse, Antonio tucks Gianni into a big sleigh bed. Donatella comes in to stroke Gianni's forehead, and tells Antonio she needs to talk to Gianni. She takes his hands in hers and they look at each other before she quavers, "What is Versace without you?" It will be you, he tells her. "What am Iwithout you?" "You will find out," he smiles. She lies on his chest and he strokes her hair.

In the hallway outside, as Donatella is rummaging through her handbag for a Morley (hee), Antonio half-asks, half-states, "You blame me?" Next to a pointedly Callipygian statue on the same table as her handbag

Donatella asks if Gianni wasn't enough for Antonio -- he had to have more men, more fun, and Gianni went along with him. Antonio says Gianni "chose to," but Donatella corrects him: Gianni chose Antonio, and went along because of Antonio. "I am not a villain," Antonio sighs, adding that Gianni isn't a saint. "My brother has a weakness for beauty; he forgives it anything," Donatella says, putting on her jacket and turning to face Antonio. "But I am not my brother." No shit, Antonio says, but Donatella isn't done, asking why Antonio didn't give Gianni a family when he knew Gianni wanted one. "Because we're not allowed!" Antonio duhs. Donatella snarks that he could have found a way. She's heading out when Antonio explodes -- fairly quietly; they're still outside Gianni's sickroom -- that he's always been there for her; what has she ever done besides belittle him, and Gianni for choosing him? She whirls around: what has Antonio given Gianni -- safety? stability? kids? She'd respect him if he'd given Gianni anything, but he's given him nothing.

Gianni and Antonio walk on the beach. Gianni says that, before, he could channel negative emotions into creating; now, he's too sick. He starts to have an anxiety attack, saying he just wants to get "out of me."

At the villa, Donatella, her arm party of huge gold bracelets, and her pork-roast-sized flip phone are smoking on the steps when the men return. She takes Gianni's hand; he turns to face them both and announces that he won't get through this if they can't be a family. He goes inside. Antonio glares flatly at Donatella from behind his shades. She is chastened enough to look away.

July 16, 1997. It's nighttime. Rain sprinkles the impromptu shrine that has sprung up outside the villa's front gates. Donatella watches from inside, weeping. She's heading further back into the house, past where Antonio is half-lounging in that same anteroom, and Antonio tries to get her to talk to him, but she's like, Gianni's dead, we don't have to pretend anymore, and closes the bedroom door.

A mortician places a picture of Gianni next to him on the slab, and begins filling in the wound in his face and a scrape on his shoulder. As he's being made up, Donatella comes into the courtyard, sunglasses on, and turns to look at the house, and specifically the balcony of Gianni's room. Then, shielded by umbrellas, she runs the gantlet of flashbulbs and gets into a car.

At a funeral parlor, Donatella approaches Gianni's open casket. A crucifix is pointedly affixed to the inside of the lid. She slowly draws her sunglasses off and stares, fear flickering across her face. Penelope Cruz looks very young in this shot. An attendant behind her unzips a suit bag; cut to Donatella carefully zhuzhing the lapels and the necktie on Gianni in the casket. Once he's ready, Donatella's face crumples as she looks down at him. She bends down to kiss him and continues to cry, murmuring in Italian.

The casket is pushed into the crematory oven.

Gianni's ashes are carefully transferred to a baggie, which is affixed with a golden tag reading "GMV." The baggie is put in a box and sealed with diplomatic-pouch tape.

The box is put into a gold ornamental urn, topped with flowers, and carried onto the family's private jet by Santo, where Donatella sits next to it and says through tears, "After everything he survived -- to be killed like this."

After the title card, we're in May of 1997. Cunanan is driving the red pickup through Florence, SC. He pulls into a mall to find some South Carolina plates to steal, and as he's affixing them to the truck, he notices a girl watching him. He arranges his face into what he thinks is a cheery smile. The girl isn't having it.

He lets the smile melt off, chucks the old plates in the truckbed, and pulls out, powering up with some Oreos and milk and dialing around on the radio. After sampling some country tunes and a bulletin about the murder of Lee Miglin -- in which he is named as a suspect -- he comes upon Laura Branigan's "Gloria," which is just the thing, especially the line "If everybody wants you / why isn't anybody callin'." He bellows that one out the window, and as my esteemed colleague Tara Ariano noted on The Blotter Presents last week, this is quite a performance of mediocre car-singing from an actor known for his, you know, singing. But he's really feeling himself as he bellows along, past a sign reading "Miami 650"…

…and Ms. Branigan carries us into a helicopter shot of the Miami beachfront, the Versace villa, and Cunanan speeding into town in the pickup. At the Normandy Plaza hotel, Cunanan walks past Ronnie -- the guy they found in his room at the end of the premiere -- smoking sketchily on the front lanai and into the lobby, where a tacko portrait of Marilyn over a fake mantel seems to tell him he's in the right place. When a desk clerk finally appears, Cunanan makes a big show of saying he doesn't have a reservation, but maybe they might have a room for him anyway? She's like, it's an SRO, Blanche; chill. Cunanan gives her a French passport as ID that says he's Kurt DuMarrs, and starts blathering on about how he was born in Nice and she should visit sometime, and he came all the way to Miami to talk to Gianni Versace because he's a poor fashion student, and blah blah some outfit of Carla Bruni's with a gold belt, I don't even know. But somewhere in there he charms the desk clerk.

Less charming: the room itself. The common areas of the motel don't look so bad, but the interior hallways and the rooms: Wayne Grotsky.

Literally nothing is going to show dirt and fingerprint grease like that institutional pink. But Cunanan seems unbothered, and starts unloading his backpack right onto the jizzfest that is the room's comforter, like, did we not all know not to do that yet by 1997? I feel like we did. Mostly this is so we see the gun again, which is pointless telegraphing of something that…already happened, but Cunanan heads over to the villa and marches up to the front gate and tries the front door. It's locked, doy, but Cunanan looks a little angry, and also a little confused, like he expected his imaginary future friend Gianni to have left it open for him.

The next morning, Cunanan buys a disposable camera (kids, ask your parents) and a ball cap and sunglasses at a kiosk, which is also displaying the "MADMAN!" cover of Sports Illustrated devoted to Mike Tyson chomping Evander Holyfield's ear. Cute -- and it places us around the Fourth of July, 1997, as the coverline on that issue is 7/7/97. Cunanan heads back to the front gates and snaps several pictures of them and the house, then stares creepily into the eyes of the Medusa on the front door. Later, he carefully lays the developed pictures out in front of him in a grid, the same way he did the magazines last time, but the spell is broken when he reaches for his wallet and finds only three dollars inside.

The FBI agents are briefing Dets. Luke and Bitchface on Cunanan's greatest hits (as it were). Bitchface isn't clear on why they assume he's in Miami, versus L.A. or San Diego; Agent Stan non-answers that they working under the assumption that he's headed to the 305. Bitchface justifies her moniker:

But I'm calling her Det. Lori from now on because WTF, FBI. Luke gives her a "fuckin' feds" brow pop, but they try to help, as Lori runs down the local gay hotspots on a city map and offers to give the Fibbies a tour. What she gets in return is some Agent Stansplaining, as he condescendingly tells her that she hasn't read the case file, but Cunanan isn't going to follow a pattern she can predict; he's a "predatory escort," so he'll be targeting older, closeted guys -- who tend to hang in Fort Lauderdale, not Miami. Lori's like, okaaaaay so but don't you want to even canvass South Beach, hand out some flyers? The agents shrug that they only have ten flyers printed right now, and anyway, they "aren't a priority for us." "That's certainly clear," Lori mutters, and starts making black-and-white photocopies her own self. She pins one to the middle of the bulletin board.

Cunanan returns to his room and, despairing of the crappy side-alley view from his window, rehearses his pitch to Desk Clerk to switch rooms to an ocean view. Naturally, it's obnoxiously glib and contains a reference to Cap Ferrat, but the mojo he worked on her earlier sustains itself, and soon he's sauntering out onto his balcony and surveying his domain, Gianni-style. He locks eyes with Ronnie, kibitzing down on the sidewalk…

…then too-casually cruises down to the front lanai and introduces himself as Andy.

Max Greenfield's whatever face here is everything, hee. Ronnie overheard the clerk call "Andy" "Kurt." Cunanan snappishly asks what she calls Ronnie, then. But despite this bitchy beginning, when Cunanan asks if Ronnie knows where to score, Ronnie seems to oblige. They walk down the street, Ronnie sighing that he doesn't "do this kind of work" anymore: "Look at me." Greenfield looks fairly fit here, but thin, and is styled scruffily and moving somewhat listlessly, so the inference we're supposed to draw is apparently the same one Cunanan does, as he launches into a monologue about how he used to work at an AIDS outreach center in San Diego. He denies being sick himself, but he might admit it to Ronnie if he were; Ronnie doesn't tell most people, because they freak out. He came close to dying a few years back, he goes on, but then they "handed [him] these magic pills," and he had his life back…but he didn't know what to do with it, so he came to Miami, to be by the ocean. Cunanan's witty-repartee face has fallen by the time Ronnie asks if he has lost anyone. "Lost my best friend. And the love of my life," Cunanan says, failing to clarify that he killed them, but we'll get to it. "Recently?" Ronnie asks. "This year." "Both of them?" Ronnie presses, likely thinking that in eighty-seven, to lose two of your closest people to the virus would track, but in ninety-seven it's a little more unusual, particularly given that Cunanan says he's not HIV+.

Ronnie doesn't push it, but as Cunanan takes a whore bath at a beachside shower station and brags about knowing Versace -- with a name-droppy reference to an It restaurant in San Fran clearly memorized from a Vanity Fair or similar -- Ronnie makes a series of "…k" faces. There's been some discussion on the forums about Criss's choices here -- that you don't really see the charm the real Cunanan was evidently famous for. But you also don't see the somewhat squashy physical presentation of the real Cunanan, for which the charm was supposed to make up in a world that prized a hyper-toned physique; what you do see is the way the social contract tends to paper over outré or awkwardly meretricious behavior like Cunanan's, which in the larger context of "how was this 'allowed' to happen" is effective.

Anyway, Ronnie does manage not to burst out laughing at the idea that a guy who's one step up from homeless was proposed to by Gianni Versace at any point, as Cunanan claims. Ronnie says Gianni's very popular "out here," very friendly, though Ronnie's not into his clothes. "That's because you don't know him," Cunanan snips. Ronnie's like, well, I can look at the shop windows and form an opinion, but Cunanan isn't having it and takes Ronnie to school on Gianni's invention of Oroton. That is pretty cool, but Cunanan is way too intense about it for get-to-know-you small talk with a guy he just met: "I see the man behind it. A great creator. The man I coulda been." Ronnie cocks a brow: "Been with." That seems to snap Cunanan out of it somewhat, but then he lifts his face to the spray while the piano does a V.C. Andrews kind of a thing, like, we get it.

On the beach, Cunanan locks eyes with an older gent, then gets up, telling Ronnie that he shouldn't worry about money, he'll split "this" with Ronnie fifty-fifty. He emphasizes that he takes care of his friends: "That's always been important to me." Ronnie doesn't know what to say, and I have a couple of suggestions, but Ronnie's Spidey sense probably kiboshed "we just met, Galahad, settle down" as possibly triggering Braggy Carmichael. Cunanan heads over to the gent and completes the pick-up. Ronnie watches speculatively.

Back at the gent's room, Cunanan gets kind of weird about how many times the guy's "done this before -- two, three?" and then asks how many people work for him, "in business." Five thousand worldwide, he's told, and makes this face

but apparently that's the gent's kink, as he breathes that he can be submissive. "You have no idea," Cunanan informs him, and then we're hearing "Easy Lover" as Cunanan straddles the guy and carefully swathes his entire head in duct tape. Once the last airway is covered, he leans in with that Starman look of scientifically curious remove: "You're helpless. Accept it." He dismounts, cranks the music, and fondles various items on the dresser as the gent struggles. "Accept it," he says. "Accept it!" He fan-dances around the room as the taped-up gent gets more and more agitated, and the music seems to get steadily louder; this is shot very effectively, as I also began to get agitated on the guy's behalf.

Cunanan approaches the bed, holding a pair of surgical scissors and regarding the guy with a mixture of curiosity and lust, then hops onto him, whispers, "Last chance," and finally plunges the scissors through the tape over the gent's mouth when the gent follows his direction and submits.

Later, Cunanan tucks into some expensive room-service filet and lobster. At the door, the gent whispers to the waiter to come back in half an hour, "for the trays," then backs away from the door and the end of the bed where Cunanan is perched, stuffing his piehole and making up some story about his mom packing lobster in his school lunches. All the other kids had PB&J, and "there I was with my little sachet of cracked pepper, all wrapped up like a gram of cocaine." Cool story, bro. He polishes off a glass of champagne, locks eyes with the gent, drops the flute on the floor with a clunk, and departs without another word. The gent can't wait to throw the bolt, fish his ring out of the ashtray, and call 9-1-1, but when he's asked what his emergency is, the gent is too weighed down by his wedding band to go through with it and hangs up.

Back from commercial, it's "back to life, back to reality" with the opening strains of the Soul II Soul hit, and wow, I actually missed this song. Like, it was ehhhhhh-verywhere for a while and I never thought I would feel "oh yeah, you!" about it, but I do. Pity about the context, which is July 6, 1997, and we're backstage at a fashion show, where Gianni is complaining that the models Antonio hired "look ill." This seems like an anachronism to me, so if Gianni actually was at the forefront of pulling back from anorexic waifs, hit me in the comments. Certainly Donatella has taken some shelling in the not-at-all-distant past for using runway talent who looked dangerously underweight. And here she is now, cutting past the models standing around outside smoking and into the dressing room, where she asks them to give her the room: "I need to talk to my brother." Maybe take him aside, then? It's…the dressing room and they're working?

Donatella tries to head him off all "you agreed to try them," but Gianni's like, my models should look like they eat, have cocktails, fuck, enjoy life -- "What do these girls enjoy?" "Front covers?" Donatella says pointedly, going on that "everyone" is talking about Galliano and McQueen and what they're doing next. Gianni, standing next to a carefully hung card with Shalom Harlow's name on it,

doesn't want to guess trends. His designs have to come from his heart first. The debate continues, Donatella saying he's gotten too predictable, too "known," blah blah blah. Like they'd really get into this 1) minutes before the walking starts, 2) in English instead of Italian. Point is, Gianni's celebrating the miracle of his return to health, and doesn't want to do the "stark and morbid" runway Donatella prefers. Donatella freshens her contouring and rolls her eyes as Gianni describes the "Versace bride" who is not dainty and pure, but proud to have loved many before choosing the one man for her. She's kind of won over by his enthusiasm by the end, though, only correcting him that it's their show, not his.

Backstage, Donatella peeks out and looks worried as the runway looks -- proceeding down what looks like a ramp placed over Gianni's own pool -- are greeted with polite applause. The applause gathers in strength, and when the bride comes out, the response is what Gianni predicted. Donatella shakes her head and throws him a "yeah, okay" thumbs-up.

Cut to Ronnie procuring drugs for himself and Cunanan. They smoke crack together as a breeze stirs the vertical blinds, and Ronnie gets the high giggles, but Cunanan is broody, and goes into the bathroom to start wrapping his own head in duct tape. Outside the door, Ronnie says he used to be a florist, and he was thinking of starting a little flower pop-up, a two-man operation: "You and me." They get along well enough, no? And anything's better than working that beach, right? "…Andy?"

"I'm gonna take a shower," Cunanan says affectlessly. "Me too, with lye, in a different time zone," Ronnie does not say, going with "Yeah, a-a shower, why not?" He perches worriedly on the end of the bed, smoking and staring at the bathroom door. I would say it's a good thing he can't see the other side,

but if nothing else about Cunanan has moved the needle to Hell No for Ronnie, I doubt a crazy wall would do it either. Cunanan unwraps his head, somehow pulling out zero hair in the process, and stares at himself in the mirror.

When he emerges, apparently not having showered after all, he starts dressing silently. After a moment, Ronnie asks as gently as possible, "Andrew? What'd you do?" "Nothing," he says, still staring at himself, but in the mirror over the chest of drawers this time. "I've done nothing my whole life. And that's the truth." Ronnie looks sad for him and holds up the pipe: "We're out." "I'll get more," Cunanan says, going for "soothing half-smile" and landing on "nauseated volcano."

Gianni is lost in sketching thought in his bedroom as, on the bed, Antonio canoodles with a third guy. He hops out to tell Gianni to join them. Distractedly Gianni says he'll be right there. Antonio strips off his undies and hops back into bed with the guy. Gianni looks at them making out with an expression of contentment, then returns to sketching.

The next day, Gianni finishes a lap and fetches up on Antonio's legs at the end of the pool. Antonio muses that he doesn't "want this" anymore; he wants Gianni, to marry Gianni. Gianni smiles that Antonio says it in the morning: "Can you say it in the evening?" He swims away. Antonio bites his lip and wisely doesn't argue the point.

Cunanan heads into the pawn shop to hock the gold coin. Pawn Star Cathy asks where he got it. He says it's a remarkable story. Good save. I'll spare you the coin-nerd background, but I wonder if a pawnbroker with any experience shouldn't have known based on the coin in question that said story involved a felony; it's a Saint-Gaudens double eagle -- one of those coins that will look familiar even to people who don't know anything about coins, which is basically everyone. The prop here has a "mint mark" that says "COPY," which I also find amusing. …Right, nobody cares, sorry! Anyway, as she's weighing the coin, she checks her most-wanted posters; Cunanan, who's filling out the forms with his real name and address, isn't among them.

He's out walking later when he sees a queen serving Donatella realness rattling the front gates of the estate and begging "Johnny" to let her in. A security guard notes that the real Donatella has a key, and Gianni comes out on the balcony all "enough already, kid" -- "big kiss for you, but I cannot let you in, one is enough." Hee. Cunanan watches the drama unfold, then jogs back to his room; fishes the gun out from under the mattress (ew) and loads it; rips down his crazy wall; and bids Ronnie adieu. "Will I see you again?" Ronnie asks. "I'm sure of it," Cunanan double-meanings, and is peaceing out when Ronnie snarls down the hall after him, "You don't have that money, do you." Cunanan stops, comes back, and counts out the money, holding it up to Ronnie, at which time Scrip Dork McGee over here notes that, at least as far as the fifty is concerned, Props found an old one from before the 1997 printi-- "Buntsy. We agreed that nobody cares." Right, you are so right, sorry again. Ronnie is also chastened, but takes the money, then asks gravely if they were friends. "That was real, right?" But Cunanan is in full infamy-groundwork-laying mode and responds, "When someone asks you if we were friends? You'll say no." He hurries away; Ronnie ruefully watches him go.

Lori's leaving the cop shop and sees that the Cunanan Most Wanted poster is mostly covered over with other flyers already.

The man himself is reading his Condé Nast book in a park across the street from the estate when Gianni and Antonio emerge. When we cut back across the street, Cunanan is gone…

…to get some stakeout grub. The guy at the sandwich shop immediately spots him and skives off into the back to call 9-1-1; the "white guy who killed four white guys" whom he saw on America's Most Wanted is in the shop, ordering a tuna combo. The cops show up shortly thereafter, but Cunanan's gone again.

At Twist, Gianni and Antonio cut the line and head into the club, greeting various friends and other regulars. They settle in at a table to watch a go-go boy with angel wings working it for tips.

Cunanan fetches up back at the estate. He doesn't seem like he's in a hurry or fleeing. He finds the bedroom windows dark, and his eyes darken in turn. He heads into Twist -- with his backpack, which made me want to smack the bouncer upside the head. I forget we didn't always live in this after-the-events-of world. Somewhere, Det. Lori gets a stabbing pain in her ass because Cunanan is right where Agent Stan told her not to bother looking, searching the dance-floor crowd for Gianni while La Bouche's "Be My Lover" blares down. Cunanan checks the bathroom…

…but Gianni and Antonio are already outside, heading home. Gianni hangs back, seemingly to let Antonio pick up, but Antonio frowns and repeats that he doesn't want that anymore; he wants Gianni. They nuzzle. It's a bittersweet moment, knowing what happens, and also knowing that the actors know each other well IRL and wondering what it's like for them in the scene, when of course they also know what happens. Gianni gives him a vaguely sad "if you're sure" look, and off they go.

Inside, Andrew roams the dance floor, deflating, as Lisa Stansfield tells the assembled that "this is the right time / to believe in love." A cutie named Brad locks onto Cunanan and close-dances up to him and asks what he does. "I'm a serial killer," Cunanan chirps. Brad: "Whuh-it?" Cunanan, giggling: "I'm a banker!" He's a stockbroker. He's a cop! He builds movie sets and skyscrapers! Imports pineapples! Brad begins to draw away, concerned, as Cunanan tells Brad, but mostly himself, "I'm the person least likely to be forgotten. …I'm Andrew Cunanan."

[feministwalkingdead]

TWD fails, again (spoilers for character death)

The producers of The Walking Dead always state proudly that no one is safe. Maybe so. But if you are a gay character in a relationship, you are more than unsafe -- you are doomed, because there is basically a target on your back, or on your partner’s.

Let’s recap the most visible gay relationships in TWD. As a new character, Tara had a brief, zero-heat relationship that ended with her girlfriend being shot in the head. Later she had a sweet, awkward, talky relationship with Denise that lasted a few more episodes before Denise was killed off. (I also felt that the two characters had zero sexual chemistry, but that’s subjective, so it’s possible I’m in the minority.)

More recently, there was the relationship between Aaron and Eric, who were an established couple when they were introduced on the show. The show made it clear that they were deeply in love, then the couple had Daryl over for spaghetti, then Eric effectively disappeared for a long stretch, only to re-appear a few episodes ago to remind viewers that he existed before they killed him off. 

I imagine some people could say that this is simply holding the gay characters to the same standard as the straight ones -- life is cheap, and characters die, including ones who are part of a couple. After all, Maggie just lost Glenn. But when a show has shortchanged characters in a specific demographic as consistently as TWD has, it needs to make a conscious effort to break this pattern, and that means having a gay relationship on the show that is consistently visible and realistically portrayed.

Vanity Fair disagrees -- they think Eric’s death was respectful and poignant, and they point out that compared to earlier seasons where there were no gay characters, right now there are three. To VF, the fact that these three aren’t in relationships doesn’t mean as much considering that right now there is only one relationship in the show -- Rick and Michonne. I say that it’s easy to give a character a moving death scene -- it’s an easy way of showing you respect gay relationships without actually having to write one on an ongoing basis. On a personal note: I will be updating this Tumblr infrequently for a while -- my significant other has cancer and I’ve been focusing on this and making sure our kids are OK while we deal with it. I debated whether to provide this information because I’m not big on personal drama, but I have been trying to be matter-of-fact about this in all areas of my life, including online.

[the-bi-writer-blog]

Not all Deaths are Created Equal (Musings on WLW Deaths in Popular Media)

I want to take a sec and talk about character deaths, and the way they differ between queer and non-queer characters. Below are major spoilers for the show “The 100″ and for the game “Life is Strange.” 

So! I just played through the Square Enix game Life is Strange, and I was entirely delighted in the beginning. You start as a high school senior in a cute coastal town, taking photos and solving mysteries via time travel. 

Cool, right? 

What’s even better is that the main two characters, Max and Chloe, are wlw. (It’s sort of left up to reader interpretation if they are bi or gay, but since Chloe at one point literally calls boys, “gross,” and says that no one but her is good enough for Max, I’m going to go ahead and say she’s a lesbian who’s still in the process of figuring that out.)

Anyway! In the first few episodes of the game, you have these sweet story about these two childhood friends reuniting and having adventures. They watch the sunset together overlooking the ocean, they walk along train tracks and reminisce about their shared childhood, they go for a midnight swim after breaking into the school pool. 

These aren’t the best life choices, but the game shows a genuine and sweet relationship that develops between the two. 

Aside from a lot of flirting, however, and a very brief kiss as the result of a dare, the Chloe and Max never acknowledge their feelings for each other. That is, until Chloe’s about to die. (I said major spoilers, didn’t I?) 

The climax of Life is Strange involves Max and Chloe standing in front of a giant hurricane that’s about to wreck their town. Max is given the choice to either save the town, or to save Chloe. For unknown reasons, Max can’t do both. 

Yes, you heard that right. Our lesbian MC either has to choose between saving her childhood best friend/long lost love, or doing what is obviously the more moral choice. How can you save a single life instead of hundreds? The “moral” choice here is meant to be obvious. 

So, here’s the thing about the two endings: if you choose to save Chloe, the two of you wait out the storm, and then drive off together into the sunset. Nothing is acknowledged or talked through, including the fact that you just let everyone die.

More conspicuously, the girls never discuss their feelings for each other, and the game doesn’t end on a kiss.

Guess when the game does end on a kiss, though?

That’s right, you guessed it! When the lesbian is about to die. More specifically, when one lesbian is forced to choose between saving the love of her life, or an entire town full of people.

If Max chooses to save the town, letting Chloe die, you get a passionate kiss from Chloe (finally!) before, well, going back in time and watching her slowly bleed to death as you do nothing to stop it.

Which is bullshit.

It also brings us back to the “not all deaths are created equal” idea. I mean, ideally, the amount of dead lesbians in your story would be 0, but in a mystery story where there are multiple wlw, it’s understandable that death may be involved. 

However.

However. 

However. 

How characters die also makes all the difference. Did they knowingly sacrifice their own life? Did they die a hero? Or were they killed off screen, probably in a brutal way, simply to further the plot? 

If we’re talking Life is Strange, it’s the second one. Rachel Amber, our missing bisexual girl who started this whole mystery, is revealed to have been dead and buried since the game began (which, after giving multiple hints that she’s still alive, and can be rescued if the player makes the right choices, is a really, really shitty way to end things. But I digress.)

So we have Rachel, our first queer woman, literally buried in a shallow grave after a brutal death, before the game even begins. Then we end the game with a choice to either kill another queer woman, who the MC now loves, or to let the rest of the town die. 

As a reminder, to bring this all home: Life is Strange starts out with a light and hopeful aesthetic, and does everything but come right out and say, “Rachel is still alive, and all three queer girls can reunite and be friends if you make the right choices and solve the mystery.” 

Then it reveals a brutally murdered wlw, and heavily pressures you to kill another. Leaving you, the last standing lesbian, utterly alone. The last scenes of the game, if you choose to save the town, are literally of your lady love’s funeral.

Not at all depressing, right?

Bringing this back to message again, I want to underline how many different ways this could have gone: 

1. Rachel Amber (our missing girl) could have been alive, and been found/rescued by the player. There is literally nothing added to the story by Rachel’s death, especially after the audience has been repeatedly baited to believe that she’s alive.

Furthermore, having Rachel (and most likely Chloe) dead removes the possibility of sequels for these wonderful characters. It means that in the new prequel series, you get to watch Chloe and Rachel fall in love...knowing all the while that Rachel is going to die before the next game. 

What value does Rachel’s impending death add to the prequel game? As I said in a previous post, the LGBTQ community does not need a reminder that life is subtle and fleeting. Believe me, we know. 

In a world where wlw are killed and shunned for the way we love, sometimes we just want a little escapism and a happy ending. Especially from a game that all but promised us one.

2. Second scenario: Max could have figured out a way to save Chloe without killing everyone else.

Since the rules of time travel are never established in game, it was a conscious choice on the part of the creators to allow for Chloe’s death; not a narrative inevitability. 

Once again: old white cishet men decided, of their own accord, to kill the lesbian. There’s literally nothing stopping the creators from creating a way to save Chloe. At all. Besides perhaps an understanding that for LGBTQ characters, survival is a far more radical ending than death. 

Question: If, as a creator, have the choice to tell literally any story, and imagine any world, why do you imagine a world where 2/3 of the queer women die?

3. Scenario three: If, for some reason you absolutely had to kill Chloe in game, you reaaaaaaaaly shouldn’t do it immediately after Max and Chloe confess their feelings for each other, and finally kiss. 

From a storytelling angle, I do understand wanting to save all the Big Emotional Moments for the climax, but here’s the thing: once again, not all storylines are created equal. 

For a cishet love story to end this way might be interesting, because there are a million happy cishet love stories out there. A single sad ending for a single cishet couple is a drop in the bucket compared to the massive amounts of happy stories to be easily found. 

But queer love stories are few and far between, and they almost always end in tragedy. Burying your gays isn’t revolutionary; giving them happy endings is.

And if you can’t give them that, give them happy lives before they die.

In Life is Strange, Max and Chloe only ever kiss/confess their love if you make the choice to sacrifice Chloe. That’s right folks; in order to have the “happy ending” of the two characters getting together, one of them has to watch the other die. 

In a world where queer relationships are tested at every turn, that’s NOT the message the LGBTQ comunity needs. 

The message that finding love will only end in death? We’ve heard it. We’ve heard it from The 100, where Lexa dies literally minutes after finally consummating her relationship with the woman she’s loved and been flirting with for several seasons. (Also, she dies from a stray bullet, not in battle like she would have wanted to, as a leader of a warrior people.) 

We’ve heard it from Buffy, where Tara is killed- again by a stray bullet - seconds after reuniting with the love of her life. Tara’s death scene is literally her happy reunion with Willow. 

Are you seeing a pattern? In popular media, the message is, “If two women are happy together, one of them will die.” 

Would these few examples be as big of an issue if there were hundreds of other examples of happy wlw in media? Of course not. But are there hundreds of other examples of happy wlw in media? Nope. Not at all. 

*

To bring this all back to Life is Strange: as a wlw myself, I was delighted to play through this game, and watch two reunited friends figure out what they meant to each other. 

Then, once I was entirely invested, I was crushed to realize that there was no possible happy ending. Really, the “happiest” ending possible involves a confession of true love and a kiss...immediately followed by a lesbian dying via (you guessed it!) a bullet.

*

Taken on its own, I do love Life is Strange. I’ve read several theories on the meaning behind it, and, taken in a vacuum, I can appreciate the story for what it is.

But I don’t exist in a vacuum. I exist in a world where I lost my entire support system when I came out. I live in a world where my parents disowned me and kicked me out of the house, even though I didn’t have the ability to work due to disability. And in that world? I don’t need a reminder of the fragility of life. I need a reminder that love matters, and can save the day.

tl;dr All I’m asking for is wlw who get happy endings in mainstream media. It doesn’t feel like too big of an ask, but apparently, it is.

*

As an important end note: every piece of media listed above is also severely lacking in other areas of representation, most notably when it comes to PoC. Joss Whedon’s work is well known for its racism and misogyny; The 100 has almost exclusively white MCs, and treats its characters of color atrociously, and Life is Strange barely contains any characters of color at all. All of which are unacceptable.

Additionally, none of these pieces of media contain a single trans or disabled character. White, ablebodies cis gays are the only LGBTQ characters that seem to be represented in popular media at all. Which again, is unacceptable.

So I want to acknowledge that there’s a lot more work to be done, and that the LGBTQ community should be as diverse on screen as it is in real life. LGBTQ representation absolutely has to include PoC and disabled characters to be complete. 

[zainapbaraketcaryl]

‘The Walking Dead’: The Importance of Caryl As a Romantic Ship

The Walking Dead’s Caryl may not seem as progressive as some other ships, but it’s still important!

It’s no secret that I am a huge shipper. It’s even less of a secret that Caryl is easily my OTP (okay fine, one of many but if we’re playing favorites Caryl is tops). And after “New Best Friends” (S7E10) I am 100% quality Caryl shipping trash. I won’t apologize, this has been a long time coming! With high expectations for a Caryl reunion on my mind, I found myself considering what is so important to me about these two fictional people getting together?

In an early draft of this piece, it was just a list of reasons I ship Caryl. The intent was just to list all the obvious ways (and there are many) to be to emotionally involved with Carol (Melissa McBride) and Daryl (Norman Reedus). But this ship is so much more than something like “101 Reasons to Ship Caryl” (but seriously don’t threaten me with a good time, that list would be epic!). It goes so much deeper than just stuff and thangs that making shipping fun.

And shipping is fun. It’s exciting to imagine the possibilities and varying dynamics that two characters bring to each other. But there’s something special when a ship really earns it. And Daryl and Carol have most assuredly earned it! They have always deserved happiness and they have never expressed being happier than when they are with each other.

Thinking about my not-so-short-list of reasons that Caryl is worth shipping I landed on one idea in particular. Caryl is important. It just is. Obviously, I have my reasons and it’s not enough to just say that. But it’s there’s a pureness in that sentiment. And it’s not important just because Daryl is so much more than just a “redneck” or that Carol – as an individual is completely fully fleshed out – is easily one of the best characters to ever grace our televisions. That honestly, goes without saying and for all The Walking Dead‘s meandering sometimes, I will always be thankful the showrunners kept her alive.

However, The Walking Dead doesn’t exactly have a history of being the most progressive show on TV. Thankfully, the show corrected a lot of its issues with the women, though not in enough time not to ensure that Lori (Sara Wayne Callies) and Andrea (Laurie Holden) wouldn’t be vilified forever. And let’s not forget they still felt the need to include Negan’s wives.

Up until very recently, it was like some kind of in-show joke that characters of color would be killed off to make way for the next one. Luckily, it appears the showrunners have done their best to stop that particular pattern. Except then there’s the antiquated but oft-employed “bury your gays” trope. I mean poor Tara (Alanna Masterson) has had to endure the deaths of multiple partners. And there’s plenty more problematic weeds we could pull out but we’d be here forever (but seriously why did Glenn (Steven Yeun) never get a bottle episode and did Michonne (Danai Gurira) ever have a last name because even Beyonce and Madonna have them, they just don’t need to use them?) and I have so many much more fun points to make!

But speaking directly to some of the lack of progressiveness is why a canon ship like Richonne is important. Please don’t mistake my bringing up Rick (Andrew Lincoln) and Michonne’s love as some kind of competition. I don’t want to have a ship measuring contest. And I’m not saying Caryl is any more important that Richonne. They are on equal footing for different reasons. But Richonne’s place in one of the most popular TV shows currently on air is noteworthy.

Representation matters! And it goes beyond putting a woman of color in the forefront of a show like The Walking Dead. Rick Grimes is the epitome of a TV show hero and I have seven seasons of annoying man-pain to prove it. And to have him create an organic romantic relationship with the show’s leading woman of color is so much more than visibility. It normalizes it. And it’s absolutely something that should be “normal” at this point (but sadly isn’t). And this fact is hardly the most important part of the Richonne bond (that would arguably be that Carl (Chandler Riggs) and Michonne totally adopted each other first and Rick was a bonus in all of that). But it’s still a major aspect of the ship and I hope the show continues to improve in similar directions.

Which brings me to Caryl. Because at this point you’re probably wondering what any of this has to do with them and why I wouldn’t think something like Carol and Morgan (Lennie James) or Carol and Ezekiel (Khary Payton) would be better. And I have those answers: 1) No! Morgan assaulted Carol and even though he saved her that will never be okay and 2) No! Carol has repeatedly told Ezekiel to leave her alone and he can’t seem to listen and it’s not okay.

The real question shouldn’t be why I would ship anything but Caryl. The real question is why you don’t ship it? Okay fine that’s not it either. The real real question is how is Caryl progressive?

The simplistic answer is that it isn’t. And on some level it’s just your basic vanilla heterosexual relationship. But for the record, typing that sentence physically hurt me because that’s just the bare minimum. The truth is Caryl is progressive. And the evidence is in every reason those who aren’t on board with the ship like to give for why Daryl and Carol don’t belong together.

As far as I’m concerned Daryl and Carol went canon when he ran to her in the season five premiere but some need more, though I struggle to imagine that anyone is in any doubt that there’s any other woman for Daryl Dixon after “New Best Friends” (S7Ep10). These two broken characters need each other. And Daryl physically cannot exist in a world where she doesn’t. It’s why he threatens Richard (Karl Makinen) and then chooses not to tell Carol about those they lost.

The Caryl bond came about through a shared understanding and similar experiences. As a domestic abuse survivor, The Walking Dead has made Carol a beacon of hope to all kinds of survivors. She has turned her struggles into strengths. Yes, even now, while she’s isolating herself and refusing to fight. Her love and her fear of loss are keeping her away and she is entitled to work through that. Here’s a little secret: PTSD doesn’t just go away. You learn to live with it. And while everyone in the group is coping in their own unique way they are all looking for something to hold onto to balance out all the devastation. Showing that both Daryl and Carol aren’t just surviving but thriving. It’s a narrative that is worth exploring because no other characters have been shown to be tortured as frequently and hurting as often as Daryl and Carol.

And if the survival aspect isn’t enough there’s even more significant visibility in Caryl being a romantic bond. I like to tell stories about all the times I’ve had conversations in real life about The Walking Dead. It’s pure water-cooler talk and it’s exciting when people you don’t expect mention being fans of the show. Following Glenn’s death, there were few places you could go where the show wasn’t being discussed. Among a group of acquaintances, it was the perfect conversation topic. During a lull, I quietly mentioned that Daryl loves Carol (okay it wasn’t so quietly because I have no chill). I didn’t expect anyone to agree with me. That’s what Tumblr is for! But what surprised me more was the very real, “Eww no, she’s a mom” reaction.

Now, I don’t have children, but I’m friends with plenty of people who do. We’re all around the same age and last I checked being a mom doesn’t all of a sudden render you unable to be seen as someone sexual. What in the world does Carol being a mom have to do with being a loving relationship with a man who clearly loves her back? Having children, caring for children and just being maternal in general doesn’t mean that that person is no longer physically attractive or that someone can’t be physically attracted to a mom.

Yes, Carol has been established a mom. But let’s look at those qualities: She’s older than a lot of women in the group. She likes to cook and she has taken on the actual title of “mom,” a title that has earned her utter heartbreak. Carol loves. She can’t help it. But moms still deserve romance!

Carol is also a badass and super cool and really really funny but she loves her family so much that she’s afraid to see them hurt. She so much can’t take it that she told Morgan to tell them she’s gone if he ever runs into Team Family again (and he did just that and Daryl looked soon sad and then was even more broken when he was finally able to ask her why she left!). But if she can be all those things then she can also be sexy. Furthermore, she can and is loved by Daryl – who is easily the show’s biggest female draw (that’s definitely a blanket statement but it is true for many just look at the merchandise, chances are Daryl is on it). This is important because there’s a ridiculous assumption that Daryl is a lot younger than Carol, which is also weird and inaccurate.

Back to that normalization thing I mentioned above, when did it become normal to use the fact that someone is a mom as a negative? Doesn’t that make Carol and Daryl that much more suited for each other? She’s not mothering him. In fact if anything Daryl is the more nurturing one when it’s the two of them than Carol is. He has a voice that he uses only for her! It’s just reached a point where it’s hard to argue that Carol and Daryl is nothing more than just a bond. It’s love. Never forget, Carol shut the door on Ezekiel and opened her door to Daryl.

The Walking Dead has a platform. It doesn’t always use it to its greatest effect but in a slow burn like Caryl, the intention isn’t subtle as all. And that makes this particular ship not just important but necessary.

https://hiddenremote.com/2017/02/19/walking-dead-importance-of-caryl-romantic-ship/

[ratscabies]

sorry if this is too personal but what made you realize youre a lesbian? im just curious because i think i might be but im not sure. you dont have to answer if you dont want, no pressure

Don’t worry! It’s not too personal!

I’m gonna put it under a cut, though, just because it’ll probably be long.

I first suspected I was gay when I was 10 or 11, but I was told I was too young to really know and that the way I felt about the other girl was just us being gr8 gal palz, so I accepted that explanation and repressed it for about a decade. Like, it literally didn’t even occur to me that I could be not-straight until I was almost 21.

I spent my teen years feeling really different from my friends who were girls. I was confused when they all started getting boy-crazy because I thought all the dudes they were into were gross. I didn’t see the appeal. The only guys I liked were famous, fictional, or gay - so, all unattainable. Also, none of them were “traditionally masculine.” (They were all tall, skinny, androgynous, and had high-cheekbones, and tbh I was just really jealous because I wanted to look like them because their bodies were the exact opposite of mine.)

I’d get really attached to a lot of my gal pals, and I loved when we would imagine having a future together (”just the two of us! living together! no boyfriends! and we’ll adopt a dog! best friends forever!”), but then I would feel really hurt and betrayed when they would inevitably get boyfriends. I never imagined myself ever settling down, getting married, etc. I only fantasized about living with a gal pal forever.

Also, I was really into LGBTQ+ stuff when I was growing up, probably starting when I was in middle school. I just assumed I was A Top-Tier Ally. I would get really emotionally worked up about LGBTQ+ issues/history even though ~it didn’t directly affect me~, but I was just ~such a good ally~.

Honestly, it wasn’t until I was 20 when I started connecting the dots. I remember watching an episode of The Walking Dead when Tara and Denise kissed for the first time and I literally started tearing up because I was so excited. Suddenly I thought, Why do I feel this way about them kissing? I’ve never felt this way about seeing a straight couple kiss. One of my favorite professors casually mentioned her wife in class and my heart swelled. I had never wanted to get married to a man, but the thought of being married to a woman? Brilliant. This beautiful girl always chose to sit next to me in a big lecture hall for one of our classes, and I was so excited that she always wanted to chat with me. I got butterflies in my tummy when I found out she liked girls because she casually mentioned her ex-girlfriend. She invited me to a party she was hosting but I ended up not going because none of my friends wanted to come along and I was too afraid to go alone, so I spent the entire night in my bedroom crying because I had wanted to spend time with her.

And that was the year that it finally clicked in my head that I loved women and that I had never felt that way about men.

I don’t know if you’ll find any of this helpful, but this was just my experience. It can take a long time to figure out what feels right. Things aren’t always clear-cut, so I’m sending you lots of love and good vibes! 

[zainapbaraketcaryl]

‘The Walking Dead’: The Importance of Caryl As a Romantic Ship

It’s no secret that I am a huge shipper. It’s even less of a secret that Caryl is easily my OTP (okay fine, one of many but if we’re playing favorites Caryl is tops). And after “New Best Friends” (S7E10) I am 100% quality Caryl shipping trash. I won’t apologize, this has been a long time coming! With high expectations for a Caryl reunion on my mind, I found myself considering what is so important to me about these two fictional people getting together?

In an early draft of this piece, it was just a list of reasons I ship Caryl. The intent was just to list all the obvious ways (and there are many) to be to emotionally involved with Carol (Melissa McBride) and Daryl (Norman Reedus). But this ship is so much more than something like “101 Reasons to Ship Caryl” (but seriously don’t threaten me with a good time, that list would be epic!). It goes so much deeper than just stuff and thangs that making shipping fun.

And shipping is fun. It’s exciting to imagine the possibilities and varying dynamics that two characters bring to each other. But there’s something special when a ship really earns it. And Daryl and Carol have most assuredly earned it! They have always deserved happiness and they have never expressed being happier than when they are with each other.

Thinking about my not-so-short-list of reasons that Caryl is worth shipping I landed on one idea in particular. Caryl is important. It just is. Obviously, I have my reasons and it’s not enough to just say that. But it’s there’s a pureness in that sentiment. And it’s not important just because Daryl is so much more than just a “redneck” or that Carol – as an individual is completely fully fleshed out – is easily one of the best characters to ever grace our televisions. That honestly, goes without saying and for all The Walking Dead‘s meandering sometimes, I will always be thankful the showrunners kept her alive.

However, The Walking Dead doesn’t exactly have a history of being the most progressive show on TV. Thankfully, the show corrected a lot of its issues with the women, though not in enough time not to ensure that Lori (Sara Wayne Callies) and Andrea (Laurie Holden) wouldn’t be vilified forever. And let’s not forget they still felt the need to include Negan’s wives.

Up until very recently, it was like some kind of in-show joke that characters of color would be killed off to make way for the next one. Luckily, it appears the showrunners have done their best to stop that particular pattern. Except then there’s the antiquated but oft-employed “bury your gays” trope. I mean poor Tara (Alanna Masterson) has had to endure the deaths of multiple partners. And there’s plenty more problematic weeds we could pull out but we’d be here forever (but seriously why did Glenn (Steven Yeun) never get a bottle episode and did Michonne (Danai Gurira) ever have a last name because even Beyonce and Madonna have them, they just don’t need to use them?) and I have so many much more fun points to make!

But speaking directly to some of the lack of progressiveness is why a canon ship like Richonne is important. Please don’t mistake my bringing up Rick (Andrew Lincoln) and Michonne’s love as some kind of competition. I don’t want to have a ship measuring contest. And I’m not saying Caryl is any more important that Richonne. They are on equal footing for different reasons. But Richonne’s place in one of the most popular TV shows currently on air is noteworthy.

http://hiddenremote.com/2017/02/19/walking-dead-importance-of-caryl-romantic-ship/