#tanja's writing

[eastwindmlk]

I've officially hit 100 (well 101) kudos with one of my fics!

[alexjcrowley]

Physically fighting the urge to make an edit of Eduard Limonov and Iosif Brodskij to Girl, so confusing

[chaoscommacourage]

My calendar app informed me that it's my OC's birthday today, so here's a little appreciation post.

Cecil wasn ́t particularly surprised to see Nils racing up the stairs, dressed in shiny black riding boots and a sky blue coat. „Where is she?“, he demanded, grey eyes dark and stormy. Cecil pointed at the door to the study, unable to speak. Without another glance at him the footman disappeared within. Cecil followed reluctantly, just in time to see Nils drop his coat heedlessly to the floor and stride towards his princess, who was still standing at the window and turning towards him with an embarrassed look on her face.

Here's to my bestest most gentle boy who would definitely turn to war crimes given the slightest motivation <3

[bitchesgetriches]

{ MASTERPOST } Everything You Need to Know about Retirement and How to Retire

How to start saving for retirement

Dafuq Is a Retirement Plan and Why Do You Need One?

Procrastinating on Opening a Retirement Account? Here’s 3 Ways That’ll Fuck You Over.

Season 4, Episode 5: “401(k)s Aren’t Offered in My Industry. How Do I Save for Retirement if My Employer Won’t Help?”

How To Save for Retirement When You Make Less Than $30,000 a Year

Workplace Benefits and Other Cool Side Effects of Employment 

Your School or Workplace Benefits Might Include Cool Free Stuff

Do NOT Make This Disastrous Beginner Mistake With Your Retirement Funds

The Financial Order of Operations: 10 Great Money Choices for Every Stage of Life

Advanced retirement moves

How to Painlessly Run the Gauntlet of a 401k Rollover

The Resignation Checklist: 25 Sneaky Ways To Bleed Your Employer Dry Before Quitting

Ask the Bitches: “Can I Quit With Unvested Funds? Or Am I Walking Away From Too Much Money?”

You Need to Talk to Your Parents About Their Retirement Plan

Season 4, Episode 8: “I’m Queer, and Want To Find an Affordable Place To Retire. How Do I Balance Safety With Cost of Living?” 

How Dafuq Do Couples Share Their Money? 

Ask the Bitches: “Do Women Need Different Financial Advice Than Men?”

From HYSAs to CDs, Here’s How to Level Up Your Financial Savings

Season 3, Episode 7: “I’m Finished With the Basic Shit. What Are the Advanced Financial Steps That Only Rich People Know?” 

Speaking of advanced money moves, make sure you’re not funneling money to The Man through unnecessary account fees. Roll over your old retirement accounts FO’ FREE with our partner Capitalize:

Roll over your retirement fund with Capitalize

Investing for the long term

When Money in the Bank Is a Bad Thing: Understanding Inflation and Depreciation

Investing Deathmatch: Investing in the Stock Market vs. Just… Not 

Investing Deathmatch: Traditional IRA vs. Roth IRA

Investing Deathmatch: Stocks vs. Bonds 

Wait… Did I Just Lose All My Money Investing in the Stock Market? 

Financial Independence, Retire Early (FIRE)

The FIRE Movement, Explained 

Your Girl Is Officially Retiring at 35 Years Old

The Real Story of How I Paid off My Mortgage Early in 4 Years 

My First 6 Months of Early Retirement Sucked Shit: What They Don’t Tell You about FIRE

Bitchtastic Book Review: Tanja Hester on Early Retirement, Privilege, and Her Book, Work Optional

Earning Her First $100K: An Interview with Tori Dunlap 

We’ll periodically update this list with new links as we continue writing about retirement. And by “periodically,” we mean “when we remember to do it.” Maybe remind us, ok? It takes a village.

Contribute to our staff’s retirement!

Holy Justin Baldoni that’s a lot of lengthy, well-researched, thoughtful articles on the subject of retirement. It sure took a lot of time and effort to finely craft all them words over the last five years!

In case I’m not laying it on thick enough: running Bitches Get Riches is a labor of love, but it’s still labor. If our work helped you with your retirement goals, consider contributing to our Patreon to say thanks! You’ll get access to Patreon exclusives, giveaways, and monthly content polls! Join our Patreon or comment below to let us know if you would be interested in a BGR Discord server where you can chat with other Patrons and perhaps even the Bitches themselves! Our other Patrons are neat and we think you should hang out together.

Join the Bitches on Patreon

[heartstringsduet]

Thought about posting a snippet from the 2AM (TK having an ED) fic I posted last week but too much of it felt too heavy to float aorund without context. So here is some werewolf fic for all those that don't hate this trope lol. Thank you @ironheartwriter for the tag

“Let me get this one,” Carlos says, pulling a walled from the pocket of his joggers, similar to the ones TK wears. They both seem to avoid the chafe of jeans against already tight skin.

“No,” TK returns, his own card in hand. “I stole your dinner.”

“And I nearly attacked you over it.”

Tanja’s pencil-drawn eyebrows raise with neither of them paying her or the diner customers at the bar too much attention.

“Yes but you didn’t.”

“Close call,” Carlos counters. 

“We both know you barely remember our night together.”

Truthfully, TK would enjoy Carlos paying for him, the part in him that seeks the comfort of being taken care of again, but the more stubborn part in him wants to keep pushing. Keep seeing what the alpha is made off, especially with the moon in his blood. If he gets irritated easily like Pierce and Alex, if he gives into TK’s whims like Judd. If he will go on endless debates like his mom, like Marjan.

He doesn't expect Carlos to suddenly step closer. Into the space where his skin radiates the heat of the sun reflected of this full moon day, where his smell chases away even the diner’s odors, where his eyes look large and endless. He doesn’t touch TK, no part of him, but his breath meets TK’s cheek.

“Let me pay. Please. You’ll get the next one.” OPEN TAG &

@paperstorm @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @birdclowns

@lightningboltreader @strandnreyes @reyesstrand @bonheur-cafe

@alrightbuckaroo @theghostofashton @orchidscript

@liminalmemories21 @welcometololaland @rmd-writes

@eclectic-sassycoweyes @butchreyes @freneticfloetry

@never-blooms @carlos-in-glasses @carlos-tk

@emsprovisions @sapphic--kiwi @whatsintheboxmh

@lemonlyman-dotcom @ladytessa74 @pimento-playing-hopscotch

@nancys-braids @tellmegoodbye @certifiedflower

@thisbuildinghasfeelings @kiwichaeng @goodways

[vy-canis-melodis]

the following is a blog post, written by tanja, in the Bird HRT universe:

UPDATE and a cancelled article!

Hi all, it's been a long time since my last blog post. Here's the deal; I was in hospital. Long story short, some things went pretty wrong, and here I am, having to deal with a huge backwards step in progress then having had to retrace those steps with additional gooey complications and therapy.

Anyway, here's a journalistic article I was pretty close to finishing and submitting to actual newspapers before everything went down and I had to cancel it.

Rejecting Humanity - Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Just Be Myself

As I write this, I'm sitting in the waiting room of a Hospital cross Research Laboratory in London. By the time you're reading this, I'll have been on my treatment journey for over a year. What treatment, you ask? Well, it's Humanity Removal Therapy. One year ago, I undertook a radical new procedure which slowly transforms you from human to another form. Perhaps you've seen strange creatures out and about; a snow leopard at the supermarket, a dog at the drive-thru, or a tuatara at the thrift shop. Or, perhaps, you haven't; as I write this, the number of patients might not yet have reached triple digits worldwide.

Perhaps I should introduce myself. My name is Tanja ------, and I am an Iberian Azure-winged Magpie, scientific name 'cyanopica cooki'. One year ago, I was fully human, and now I look like a hybrid between our two species. So, let me guide you through my world.

How is this possible?

A little over a year ago, certain medical circles revealed that species transformation had been trialled in mice, turning them into various other creatures, with various success rates from 20 to 80% depending on size and how different the target species was. Now, I'm not for animal testing, but when I heard that human trials were going to open, I kept that pinned to my calendar. And so, after a few months, I was able to finally sign up and have my first interview. Which was… short. Turns out, they had pretty elaborate ways of gatekeeping people who really meant that they wanted it from those that they thought would regret the procedures. They also had a little joke, based on gender HRT, where they would ask if you'd spent years living as your preferred species beforehand. Or at least, I think it was a joke. And then, I was on my way to becoming the bird I love.

How much did it cost?

Well, luckily for me, the NHS provides free healthcare. Then, due to this being a clinical trial, I get paid for being a test subject. Then, due to the effects of the medicine, I receive Disability Benefits. The treatment itself is… a bit of a legal loophole, really. This very article may well be the first you've heard of it.

Is it just a magic pill?

Nope! It's a mix of CRISPR, gene replacement, hormone injections, and surgeries over time. It's a real mishmash, at least in my case. For example, keratinous structures can be grown through selective DNA editing and hormones that stimulate 'hair' growth in specific areas in specific ways. Bone structure can also slowly be altered in some cases through gene replacement, though in some cases, surgery is needed. My back, for example, will soon be undergoing surgery to adjust the way the vertebrae are laid out. Some aspects just are too difficult to be done naturally, and so artificial parts and prosthetics are added. But this complicated procedure has an upside - it means that there is more customisation possible! For example, a Harpy would be a very specific set of applications of Bird HRT that exclude certain aspects such as the face!

Are there downsides?

Definitely. There's the immunosuppression that has to occur to stop new parts from being rejected. There's the high risk of cancers and other diseases to occur as a result of this procedure. There's just the risk that your organs will fail. Most of this is irreversible too.

Why even do it then?

Because, to that small number of people, it's so worth it. This is a new life, an opportunity to discard that uncomfortable human vessel and be yourself at last. For the vast majority of people, being oneself is being human, but that's not the case for everyone.

Is it going to be banned?

Well, that's hard to say. Governments worldwide are, I'm sure, now aware of this phenomenon. And I think it presents a threat to the status quo. This is something new, something scary, something intimidating, that shifts the power balance between subjects and governers. And it's not just because some people have become huge fire-breathing dragons - it's the meaning behind it. They've rejected the very notion of the social contract between humans and crafted a new identity. Do we still count as people? And that's really the question, isn't it. So much of the way government and society works is to split people into groups of those that are 'more' people, and those that are 'lesser' people - and that dictates what societal violences are permissible, for example. This whole new procedure will have to make governments rethink so much, and it can either be a source of worry for us, or a source of hope for everyone. We just have to be loud enough to be heard for who we are.

So what will come next? Well, I'm going to hop on in to my next appointment, and the Earth will keep spinning. My first set of wings has almost reached full-span, and my toe-dexterity is almost at where I was with hands as a human. With my next set of primaries, I may have enough of a wingspan to fly, if I keep my weight low enough. Meanwhile, Parliament will likely have a debate on the issue, as a petition to legalise the procedure has a few thousand signatures on the government's official petition website. I'll be waiting on that result eagerly.

If you have any other questions, I'd be more than willing to answer them!

[doctorloup]

Audiodrama Sunday! The Days May be Dark but the horror is…IDK darker but in a gayer way?

What has Lou been listening to recently which might distract you from thinking about The Situation?

Book of Constellations (@bookofconstellations) - Beautiful series full of hope about an alien on a road trip through America. Keith's writing is always deep, mature and full of kindness.

Woodbine - Look, they had me at the lesbian vampire detectives. And it's the Parkdale Haunt team so you KNOW it's gonna be great.

Amelia Project (@ameliapodcast)- Amelia's special brand of poignant comedy should help cheer you up. Some delightfully funny episodes recently. Loved Maty's debut as a small child of Hamelin and best boy Rhys being Valleys As All Fuck.

Poe: Evermore - OK actually this one is very dark but there is truly some quality acting in this and the writing is rich and gorgeous. Retelling of classic Poe stories within the setting of his life. I thought Vic was very good in Chapter 4 and Tanja in everything she's in especially the very sad bit and don't ask me about Harlan's character but I am listening very respectfully to both him and Giancarlo Herrera anyway moving swiftly on to

Professor Chronomier - The newest and final season of my favourite time travelling Professor is out, I will be normal I promise (I will not be normal TIME VILLAIN TEAMUP TIME VILLAIN TEAMUP)

Otherwise I have also been filling in more of the recommended listening, and binged Archive 81, Limetown and the Black Tapes so I am no longer an ignoramus about those ones.

Happy listening, love you all, this too shall pass

[mariacallous]

In her 1996 novel, Fieldwork in Ukrainian Sex, Oksana Zabuzhko wrote that for Ukrainians, “Fear was passed on in the genes.” Zabuzhko, one of the most important living Ukrainian writers, was referring to the childhood fear of saying the wrong thing to the wrong person in the Soviet era. Anyone who approached you could be spying for the KGB, and if you let a careless word slip, the bad men would come “and put Daddy in prison.” But that line captures what Zabuzhko’s novel is about: the inherited fear of oblivion born between the hungry jaws of empire, or what she calls the “eternal Ukrainian curse of nonexistence.”

Fieldwork in Ukrainian Sex was a sensation when it was published in Ukraine, but it took 15 years for it to be translated to English. Even then, it didn’t find a U.S. readership until the full-scale Russian invasion in 2022. The book’s path is emblematic of the tough road to English translation, much less readership, for novels written in Ukrainian. Until this year, not a single novel translated from Ukrainian had been published by a major U.S. publisher.

Tanja Maljartschuk’s Forgottenness, the first to break that barrier, is a book about Ukrainian identity and the struggle against nonexistence. Originally published in 2016, when it won the BBC’s Ukrainian Book of the Year Award, it tells the story of a contemporary Ukrainian writer who becomes obsessed with Viacheslav Lypynskyi, an important Polish figure in the early 20th-century Ukrainian independence movement. Lypynskyi studied Ukrainian at university in the early 1900s, when teaching the language was scandalous; both Russians and Poles considered it “a dialect of either Russian or Polish, or both concurrently.” Printing Ukrainian works was also prohibited, “punishable by imprisonment or exile.”

Throughout history, Ukrainians have faced this paradox: a denial of their existence (Ukrainian isn’t a language) combined with brutal repression (and you are forbidden to speak it). As Maljartschuk writes, the struggle makes many “lose their minds.”

Forgottenness is full of characters shrugging, often in dramatic situations. While American critics often lament shrugs (along with nods and smiles) as lazy dialogue tags, for the Ukrainian writer, the shrug is an important gesture. Soviet-born U.S. writer Gary Shteyngart once wrote, somewhat tongue-in-cheek, that Ukraine’s coat of arms could be a man shrugging. This attitude can easily be mistaken for nihilism, but it is far more complex than that. On its most basic level, it comes from a learned acceptance that many situations are beyond one’s control. For generations of Ukrainians, this acceptance has been necessary to maintain sanity.

Ukrainians have found different ways of shrugging. In Forgottenness, the unnamed narrator remembers how her father, like many Ukrainian men of his generation, became immersed in kung fu in the 1980s, needing to feel like he could protect himself. Her grandfather, after feigning insanity to avoid military service, worked as a forced laborer, melting down church bells that were transported across the Soviet Union to be made into weapons; for years, he responded to most things with a joke, fueling himself on laughter.

She remembers how her grandmother was left at an orphanage by a father who would soon die in the Holodomor, Joseph Stalin’s terror famine of 1932-33, during which millions of Ukrainians starved to death. In an attempt to understand and connect with her family, the narrator asks her mother how this genealogy of suffering affected her. “Mom shrugged. ‘What was there to be affected by? That’s how things were, and that’s all there is to it.’”

The narrator has the opposite reaction. Her fascination with Lypynskyi, who almost lost his mind, falling into infirmity under the weight of defending the idea of a Ukrainian nation, comes partly from identifying with him. For the narrator, her inability to shrug leads to an existential crisis. She becomes terrified of the outside world. For months, she stops going outside. She begins to mop her floor relentlessly. She stands on her head to see things from a different perspective. She obsessively reads old newspapers in search of references to Lypynskyi. She is desperate to understand history. In a recurring image of the novel, she imagines time as a blue whale eating plankton by the millions. There is no mystery as to whom the plankton represent.

The historical parts of Forgottenness can be challenging, both to follow and to witness, for the simple reason that Ukrainian history is challenging. Lypynskyi lived through the early 20th century, a time when hope for a Ukrainian nation flickered before being brutally smothered.

As the narrator puts it, in the three years after the Russian Revolution, “Kyiv, like a loose woman, changed hands over ten times … and each new seizure ended in bloody purges.” Borders change, names change, empires come, empires go, and everyone dies. One reason that Maljartschuk’s is the first Ukrainian-language novel to break into U.S. commercial publishing is that so many Ukrainian writers from the 20th century were permanently silenced.

As Ukrainian writer Anastasia Levkova recently wrote, under Stalin, 500 of the foremost Ukrainian writers were executed. But she is quick to point out that Stalin was not solely responsible for silencing Ukrainian literature: For example, Vasyl Stus, one of the most famous Ukrainian poets of the 20th century, died in a Soviet forced labor camp decades after Stalin’s death. It is not just Stalin, nor is it just current Russian President Vladimir Putin—it is the Russian Empire that denies Ukrainian history, Ukrainian language, and Ukrainian existence.

Ukraine, one character in Forgottenness laments, “has so many million bodies but so few actual people.” The Russian Empire won’t even allow remembrance of the bodies. When the narrator goes to visit Lypynskyi’s grave, she cannot find it, because the cemetery’s headstones were bulldozed and used to line the floors of pigsties during collectivization. How is she to come to terms with her past when the empire has erased it?

As she’s fighting panic attacks, the narrator watches pigeons across the street building nests and laying eggs on neglected balconies. “Once in a while, the building’s owners would toss the eggs off the balconies onto the asphalt below. The pigeons would then sit on the roof and dispassionately observe the destruction of their offspring.” The pigeons shrug not because they don’t care, but because—what choice do they have?

The narrator’s inability to be like the pigeons almost kills her. But she can still think, write, and face her crisis head-on. In what might seem like an anti-climax, but is actually a triumph, she seeks out a therapist. As she puts it, in her part of the world, “the human head has one purpose—to eat.” Her mother condemns her for being a drama queen. But the narrator finds another woman, a professional, who listens and who cares. She begins to trust her. She starts talking her way out. Through language and solidarity with a fellow Ukrainian, she finds her way back to the world.

Maljartschuk, a Vienna-based Ukrainian novelist, wrote Forgottenness between the Maidan Revolution in 2014 and the full-scale Russian invasion of 2022, a period when Ukrainian art, newly liberated from colonial shackles, was blossoming. Its Ukrainian title, Zabuttya, means both “forgetfulness” and “oblivion,” and although this is not a novel about the war, no event has brought the threat of oblivion into more urgent focus than Russia’s invasion.

According to Forgottenness’ promotional materials, Norton’s inspiration for publishing the book was a March 2022 article in the New York Times about the urgency of bringing Ukrainian literature to the West after Russia’s invasion. Because of the sudden prominence of Ukraine in the American consciousness, there is the temptation for Americans to read Ukrainian literature today anthropologically, approaching it as a window into the country instead of an imaginary story about Ukrainian characters.

To be clear, this is not a criticism of the publisher: I am very grateful that Norton published Forgottenness, and I hope that more U.S. publishers will follow its lead. But how does it affect the reader’s experience to approach the book with images of rubble in mind? How does an American reader get around the trap of reading Ukrainian fiction like it’s nonfiction—of reading it for information rather than emotion—when current events are the reason for its translation into English? The narrator’s panic attacks are brought on not by missiles but by the chaos in her mind and the fear in her genes. Is it not disrespectful to read the book as a guide to understanding Ukraine in 2024?

Fortunately, Forgottenness shares a way to read itself and also to read Ukraine’s latest fight for survival. Maljartschuk personifies the statewide struggle against oblivion in the individual struggle to accept the things you can’t change while refusing to accept the things you can. The struggle, I believe, applies to both the narrator and Ukraine, past and present. The story speaks to what came immediately before the book was published: the Maidan Revolution, in which Ukrainians from every class and background risked their lives to drive out the pro-Russian puppet government, holding Independence Square in Kyiv for three months in the face of a harsh winter, police snipers, government-hired thugs, kidnappings, and torture. But Forgottenness can also speak to what will come after.

The narrator says of her grandfather feigning madness to get out of fighting: “Between a slavish existence and a heroic death, he chose the former, and only thanks to this choice did I become possible.” In her words, she is “the offspring of meekness in the face of power and fear in the face of death.”

But there is no trace of meekness in today’s Ukraine. A generation of Ukrainian writers and artists are now on the front lines of battle or in the rear guard, tirelessly fundraising for equipment for soldiers.

“Everything I’ve done in my life has only come to be by overcoming great fear,” Maljartschuk said in an interview following the 2022 invasion. Fear, as Zabuzhko wrote, lives in the genes. But fear need not paralyze. “Ukrainians are no longer victims,” Maljartschuk added, “but fighters.”

[viscerawrites]

last line tag

i was NOT tagged in this but it's been a while and i feel like playing tag games again so im posting it anyway

rules: make a new post and share the last line(s) you wrote

this is from an untitled sci fi wip that doesn't yet have a full storyline; I'm trying to let bits and pieces of it come naturally to me instead of forcing it! ill put context below the cut cuz. why not

---

Back and neck straight. Feet apart, same width as your shoulders. Chin high and confident, but not stiff. Don’t let your knees bend in. Don't let your foot turn outwards. Poised, elegant, relaxed. A natural grace.

Monroe repeats this mantra as she stands in the center of the dressing room, forcing herself to meet her own eyes in the vanity mirror. To examine herself, her body, her posture, forcing each part into perfect position until it feels a little less awkward.

Back straight. Neck straight. Feet at shoulder width. Chin high. Knees leaning forward. Foot forced straight. Uncomfortable and unnatural. She hopes it's well enough. Hopes her human – a smart, regal, wealthy man, according to Tanja – won't find her too odd.

---

context for the curious: Monroe is a being called an "automaton" which is a term for sentient beings who are made from genetic material of human volunteers (and grown in test tubes). Basically clones, but specifically made and produced for certain roles in society.

Monroe is a rare "custom" automaton and is the only variant made with her source's material. She was produced specifically to act the client's daughter and as a big sister/caretaker to the client's sons.

Theres a lot more worldbuilding and context than this, but that's the gist. As you might be able to guess, there are some serious ethical implications here.

anyway. Tagging (w/ no obligation) @vacantgodling @illarian-rambling @mk-writes-stuff @space-writes @ashfordlabs @katenewmanwrites @aintgonnatakethis and YOU!

[soccer-love]

It's the anon that ask do you write for sarah zadrasil here is my idea reader and sarah are together and both austrian but maybe reade plays for another team and the only time they see each other is austrian camp and the last game for international break reader team play bayern and bayern won and sarah wounds up at Austria camp maybe reader plays for Frankfurt. There's my idea.

“How could I ever be mad at you?” 

Sarah Zadrazil x reader

"You're good, buddy?" Laura asks, sitting down next to me in the locker rom.

"Yeah, I just really don't want to play against them." I say and she nods, my phone vibrates and I open the new message.

"I love you." Laura reads out loud "Does she say that, because she thinks she's going to win and but that you shouldn't take it personally or because she knows we are going to win and says that to let you know that she loves you anyway."

"No idea." I say and she wraps an arm around me.

"I know how you feel, Sarah is my best friend and I don't want to play against her." she says.

It's the last game of the champions league qualification round, Eintracht Frankfurt against Bayern Munich.

Laura and I both play for the Austrian women's national team too, together with my girlfriend and Bayern player Sarah Zadrazil.

"But we are doing this, okay?" She gives me a encouraging smile and I take a deep breath.

"Your right, thank you."

"That's what I'm here for, guardian of the cutes couple that exists." she says, standing up, her hands on her waist, making her look like some superhero.

Laura Freigang on the other side of the room, throws a protein bar at her.

"You should better get chanced guardian of the midfield." Sara says, while I put on my warum-up shirt 

As we walk out on the field and shake hands with the other teams, Sarah gives me a extra big smile "Good game, babe." she says and I can't help but return her smile, gosh she's just so beautiful when she smiles.

"Man you two are so in love with each other, that makes me feel even more single." Laura behind me whispers and I roll my eyes.

Before Sarah and I got together, something about two years and three moths ago, we all were friends but since then, its kind of Laura's favorite thing to be the third wheel in our relationship.

"Then go get yourself someone." I whisper back, as we make a circle with the team.

Tanja as our Capitan holds one of her inspirational speeches, before we scream our usual "SGE ey." and then walk to our places on the pitch.

The first half both teams are clearly struggling to get near each others Goals, I shoot a pass at Barbara and she tricks the Bayern defenders to get past them, but unfortunately Laura Benkarth is a good goal keeper and prevents the goal.

In the 68 minute, Carlotta shoots the ball towards the half way line and I sprint towards the spot but slow down before I reach it to have more control over it .

The only thing that I don't see is that Lina Magull is also running towards the ball and she is so close behind me that when I sow down she accidentally crashes into me.

One of her feet, goes between mine and I fall down with her.

The referee blows the whistle and walks over to us, she's about to pull out a card for me but Lina holds up her hand.

"Wait, its not her fault, she didn't noticed me. And incase you give her a card, you have to give me one two because its my fault that she's laying here." Lina explains.

The referee gives us a confused look but nods and lets her hand down. I notice some of the Bayern players holding back their laughter.

"Thanks." I say to Lina as we both get up.

"Just being fair." she answers before getting ready to shoot her free kick.

After five more minutes Tanja gets passed the Bayern defenders and I shoot her a long ball, this time she gets the ball just right and scores.

But sadly it doesn't lasts long, in the 80 minute, Lea Schüller scores a goal and I can see the euphoria of the team slowly fading while the Bayern players get more and more confident.

We get four minutes of extra time and just about thirty seconds before the final whistle it's Maxi Rall that scores the second goal.

After it ends, the Bayern players, are jumping on each other, celebrating that they're going to play in the champions league, we try to cope with the fact that we're not going to be in it.

I sit down on the grass and someone passes me a water bottle, but I just bury my face in my hands.

"Hey." from the corner of my eyes, I see the color of the Bayern socks and think it's Sarah but it's not her voice.

"Hi." I say, Lina points at a spot next to me.

"Can I sit there?" she asks, giving me a half smile.

"It's your pitch, so yes."

"Nah it belongs to the Bayern Munich company, I just work for them." she says while sitting down next to me.

"It was nice from you, to tell the referee that it's not my fault."

"Just playing a fair game." she looks at my side profile and then at the big screen where the final score is written on.

"I'm sorry that you guys are out of the competition." she explains, before wrapping an arm around me.

"Thank you."

After a couple of minutes the team gets together again and I say goodbye to Lina, we have a chat with our trainer and he says that it's okay that we're out and we shouldn't feel to bad about it.

I notice Sarah trying to get away from her team to come over but my team kind of forces me to come with them into the locker room so I just leave it.

After some ice bathing and a shower we drive back to our hotel, its almost 11pm so most of my team mates go to bed. I follow Sophia into our shared room and we both get ready for bed. 

The next day we drive back to Frankfurt and I pack my stuff for the international brake. 

Since Laura Feiersinger, Barbara Dunst and I also play together for the Austrian national team, we also decided to fly back there together there tomorrow. 

We’re actually some of the first ones to arrive in Vienna, some of our team mates are coming tomorrow because they had games today.  

I get a text from Sarah saying that she's already in her room and asks me to come over, since the game we didn't really had a chance to talk. 

We say Hello to our trainer team and some of our team mates who are still sitting around and chatting before dropping our stuff off, in our rooms. 

I hesitate a little but then go over to Sarah’s room, I didn't even need to knock two times cause she's already at the door after my fist hit the door one time. 

“Hey.” she says and just seeing her makes me realize how much I missed her during the last weeks. 

“Hi.” I answer, she lets me inside and as the door closes behind me, I’m already wrapped in her arms, my face pressed into her shoulder. 

She softly lifts me up and I wrap my legs around her body, I clink onto her like a koala bear baby on his mother. 

“Jesus I didn't thought I could miss anyone that much.” she says, taking a deep breath before walking over to her bed and sitting down. 

My body still attached to here's, like we're one. 

“I missed you too, Zari.” 

I feel her hand sliding under my shirt, but not in a sexual way, more like she needs to feel my skin to realize that I’m here. 

Her love language has always been physical touch, so it's no surprise that she just needs a couple of minutes, to hold me like that, to process the last couple of weeks. 

Fuck it's been really almost eight weeks since I last saw her. 

“I’m sorry that you lost the game.” she says and pulls back a little, making eye contact with me. 

“But I’m glad that you won, you’re going to play in the champions league.” I answer, of curse it still hurts a little but I can't be mad at her for doing her best. 

“You’re not mad?” 

“How could I ever be mad at you? Besides it's part of dating the best football player in the world.” I say and smile at her, noticing her cheeks getting slightly red. 

“You really think I’m the best?”

“No.” I shake my head and lean closer. 

“I know it.” I whisper the words in her ear, before softly leaving a trail of kisses over her cheek to her mouth. 

“Is your name Google? Because you have everything I’ve been searching for.” she flirts as we brake apart, I roll my eyes but can't help and laugh. 

“Where do you always get this lines from?” I ask and she shrugs. 

“Maybe I’m just naturally good at flirting.”

“Well I hope that I'm the only one you're flirting with.” 

“Who knows.” she says and I try to get up, but she quickly tightens her grip around me and pulls me back against her. 

“You are my one and only.” she says and blinks a couple of times “I think there's something wrong with my eyes, because I can't take them off you.”

“Jesus Sarah you---” 

Before I can finish my sentence the door flys open and Laura storms in.

“ZARI!!” she cheers, running towards us, she jumps on both of us and knocks us over so we all land on the mattress. 

Me on top of Sarah and Laura half on top of me half on Sarah. 

“Laura.” I whine but she just shakes her head, wrapping her arms around us. 

“Sorry but you have to wait till later, with making out. Cause I missed my best friend.” Laura explains. 

The sound of a camera flash goes through the room and I turn a bit to look up. 

Manu is standing in the door, her camera in her hands. 

Verena behind her shakes her head laughing. 

“Laura let them have five minutes without you, they haven't seen each other in what seven or eight weeks?” she says. 

Laura finally gets up from me and I’m able to take a deep breath. 

“Hey, I haven't seen her in eight weeks too.” she says, crossing her arms in front of her. 

“Jesus I didn't knew that you're that jealous.” Sarah gets up and softly pats her shoulder. 

“Poor Laura.” I add with a sad voice. 

“Just keep making fun of me.” Laura complains, faking a sad look on her face. 

“Drama queen.” Manu says and I try to hold back my laughter. 

“You all are so mean, Y/N didn't see Sarah in eight weeks and is allowed to be alone with her just because they're together. And I didn't see her in eight weeks and I’m not allowed to be alone with her because I’m just her best friend.” 

I walk over and give her a side hug, resting my chin on her shoulder. 

“You know what, you can have her for like 45 minutes alone with her, while I go and get myself something to eat.” I say and let go of her, walking out of the room. 

“WAIT.” I hear Laura screaming behind me and turn around. 

“I don't want Sarah, I want food.” she says, sprinting towards me and wrapping an arm around me. 

“You know what.” Sarah says from the door “Now I feel alone. My girlfriend chooses food over me and my best friend is the same.” 

“Poor Zari.” Laura mocks my voice from before, but I hold out my hand for her. 

“You can come too, so you can be with me, I can be with you and Laura gets you and food.” I suggest. 

“You two have this lesbian couple, that adopted some random twenty nine year old girl.” Manu says as we three walk past her. 

“Honestly I feel like that too.” I whisper but feel Laura hitting my shoulder. 

“Thanks Mom.”

“Stopp hitting my girlfriend.” Sarah demands and I let go of both of there hands. 

“Okay, Manu can I eat with you, I can't stand you two any longer.” I say and walk over to the goalkeeper. 

“Hey.” Laura and Sarah both complain but Manu pulls me away with her. 

“Looks like I get your girl.” she says and honestly I wish someone would take a picture of their faces right now.  

A mixture of not-knowing-if-they-should-laugh-or-cry and complete shock. 

“You should see yourself right now.” Verena mages to get out in between her laughing. 

And exactly the moments like these are why I love my team. 

And why I love my girlfriend. 

And sometimes even my girlfriends best friend. 

[soda-gremlin]

The Newer Thea Sisters Books Aren’t as Good as the Older Ones, and Here’s Why

Yes yes, I know I am beating a dead horse here, but I have noticed quite a few patterns when it comes to the newer books, specifically why I don’t like them. So here is my comprehensive list of traits that make the newer books so lackluster.

1. No Continuity

And no, I am not simply referring to small details, like the name of a celebrity that has already been established. What I am referring to, is both the lack of reference to previous books even when relevant, and the complete absence of background knowledge. Let me explain.

So, y’all have read Mystery on the Orient Express, right? If you haven’t, major spoilers ahead. The villains turn out to be a set of identical twins, Dimitri and Leon. But first, before discovering that fact, the Thea Sisters had to tangle with the conundrum of Dimitri’s hand, and why the burn kept disappearing and reappearing. It took them quite a bit of time to work that out because, well, they’d never seen that before. And they’re still new to mystery-solving.

However, in a later book, (spoilers for Phantom of the Orchestra) they are confused by a character named John’s seemingly contradictory behavior, like greeting them like old friends one minute, and acting like they never met the next minute. But here’s the thing. They’ve seen this before, in Mystery of the Orient Express. That shouldn’t have been a huge twist. They shouldn’t have taken that long to figure that out, because they’ve seen it before.

Need another example? So, a common trope in the newer books is that one of the side characters aiding them mysteriously goes missing. Then it turns out, they were kidnapped/led away. It happens almost every single time. Riddle of the Ruins, Niagara Splash, you get the idea. But every single time, the girls dick around like, “Oh no, I wonder where John Doe could have POSSIBLY went” GIRLIEPOPS. THIS AINT YOUR FIRST RODEO. YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS.

I get it, they want the series to be episodic and all that, but when it’s actively hurting the story’s writing, and when quite a few readers have read previous books, it ends up detrimental instead of convenient.

2. The Forgettable Side Characters

Have any of you read the Mouseford series, or the graphic novels? If you have, you’re probably familiar with Vanilla (Ruby), Vic (Ryder), Shen, Craig, Tanya (Tanja), and Dina (Elly). All pretty well-established side characters, some even making an appearance in the beginning of the original series’ books.

Clearly, they have a very diverse cast of side characters in their roster. Shen being a sweet, bookish nerd, Craig being a himbo jock, Vic being a chaotic neutral rich boy, Vanilla being your average spoiled rich girl, you get the idea.

So I bet they bring one along on the girls’ adventures to spice up the story, right? Bringing in a fresh new perspective on the story’s events and a refreshing deviation in recurring character dynamics, while also expanding on the side characters themselves. Right?

WRONG

Instead, they make up a character to use as a plot device. I hesitate to even call them characters, because they have no personality. They’re all the same cookie cutter cardboard cutouts again and again. Especially the new male characters.

Can you tell me a SINGLE unique trait about Didier, Ioannis, Mateo, or Akhun?

Can you even tell me which books they’re from?

Of course you can’t! You probably don’t even remember they existed! (Unless they’re your blorbo, in that case, you have my sympathies…)

So instead of using the more interesting and established side characters from Mouseford, they just stick in a plot device of a character and call it a day.

In the older books, the new characters were memorable. Take Ashvin for example, aka, the only character’s name in this category I didn’t have to look up. He had an actual character. He was impulsive, reckless, but had a strong moral code. Contrast that to the new books’ Forgettable Twink #12.

3. Less Emphasis on Culture

This section will be shorter, due to me not really being any of these cultures, and being American, but I still think it’s worth covering.

The idea of the Thea Sisters exploring new countries and cultures is not new. I’d wager that’s the very purpose of the books, to expand the worldviews of impressionable children.

However, in the newer books, it feels a lot more shallow. As in, “a leaflet you got at an airport” shallow. They just barely scrape the surface, and call it a day. Only covering well known foods and internationally known traditions/practices. It’s like if Cherry Blossom Adventure only had the Thea Sisters eating sushi and learning about ninjas or origami. It does that country a massive disservice, especially if you’re native, or even if you’ve just lived there.

This is due to the newer books having the girls see the country through the eyes of a tourist rather than getting immersed in the life of a local.

Take Mountain of Fire for example, they are thrust headfirst into Nicky’s home country. They’re not put up in a hotel in the touristy part of the country, they’re in Nicky’s ranch, experiencing the wildlife, as well as what it’s like to live so far from the city. They see the natural wonders of Australia, as well as learning from the Aboriginal peoples living around the area, including Nicky’s family.

4. Boring Conflict

This one is pretty straightforward. The conflicts in the newer books feel so boring, almost sanitized in a way. There are no real stakes. In the older books, there were many consequences laid out if the villain succeeded. An important link to a dying art would have been lost, the livelihood of Pam’s family business would have been compromised, and not to mention, PEOPLE COULD HAVE DIED.

But now it’s like, “Oh nooo, a single piece from a model is missing, and it’s gonna lose the contest, whatever shall we do 🥺🥺 It’s not like we can recreate it or anything”

There is nothing compelling about the conflicts or its villains. We have no reason to be at the edge of our seats like with Mystery of the Orient Express, where Pam and Nicky LITERALLY CLIMB ON TOP OF A TRAIN TO CATCH THE THIEF BEFORE HE CAN GET AWAY

But now it just feels like a fetch quest of clues, and a wild goose chase for good measure. And just lot of fapping about in general.

I also have to bring up villains. They’re having the same issue as the side characters. They’re all the same greedy, shifty characters that are so obviously up to something.

Final Thoughts

I think all of these flaws can basically boil down to the fact that every book feels like the same story, over and over again, just with different names. (There are some exceptions, but my point still stands)

And just one more note I have is that, I wish the Thea Sisters got more personality to them. Like, I wish they acted like an actual friend group, not like how kids shows love portraying friend groups. Which is a group of girls all nice to each other all the damn time. There’s no depth, there’s no added dynamics that make the friend group feel real. The dialogue is all so flat. I need banter, I need inside jokes, I need playful jabs at one another, I need each sister having a different relationship with one another. We don’t want perfect, we want interesting. (But this isn’t exclusively a newer book issue, so I didn’t put it in the main list)

Aaaannndddd that’s about all I’ve got for you today! Hope you enjoyed this little rant/analysis!!

[eastwindmlk]

When you're editing after leaving a story for a while and all you can do is:

[cyberbeast99]

Wolf in the City Part 2

I make it halfway across the street before I get hit by an eighteen-wheeler.

Pain shoots through my body as I’m knocked back onto the sidewalk. I lay there, completely dazed as the car slows to a stop

“Hey kid, what the hell do you think you’re do-“ begins the driver. Then his eyes widen as he realized what he just hit. He speeds away, leaving me lying there.

Am I hurt? Am I dying? It’s hard to tell. I feel no pain. You’d think being hit by a truck would at least sting a bit, but I don’t feel anything.

Unless….

I sit up, expecting a flash of pain. Nothing. I stand up. I brush the gravel out of my fur and examine myself for injuries. My clothes are in tatters from both the transformation and the crash, but I can’t find any bruises or blood.

Holy crow, I’m invincible!

Okay… now I just need to get home. 

Oh shit….

I had originally planned to call an Uber, but that was when I was in human form. That’s off the table. But I still need a ride home. I text my friends in the hope that someone’s in the city and can give me a ride.

CyberBeast: Guys, is anyone in Hyper City RN? I shifted at the grocery store and had a panic attack. Long story short, I’m stranded.

CandyRocks: Sorry man, out of town

HyacinthDoll: Same here :(

CyberBeast: Oh jeez… what should I do then?

CandyRocks: If I were you I’d call Erian. He should be able to explain why you’re randomly shifting all the sudden

CyberBeast: No way I’m trusting that fraud again. Remember what he did to Tanja?

CandyRocks: Touché

HyacinthDoll: If I may, why not ask your girlfriend for help? Isn’t she in the city?

My pulse quickens. Ask Roxanne? She doesn’t even know I’m a werewolf. I’ve been avoiding my girlfriend recently specifically because of that. She’s asked me to move in with her and I keep trying to skirt around the question. I know I have to tell her eventually but I’m just not ready.

CyberBeast: Uhhhh

CandyRocks: Yeah, what about Roxanne?

CyberBeast: Guys-

HyacinthDoll: Wait… does your girlfriend know about the treatment?

CyberBeast: About that…

CandyRocks: 🤦‍♀️

HyacinthDoll: Oh man…

CandyRocks: Just gimme a sec. I’ll call her. Stay right where you are.

CyberBeast: Candy, please don’t

CandyRocks: Stay where you are

I try to type up something quick but Candy logs off. Dammit. I can feel my heart racing, my breathing speeding up. The urge to start running again resurfaces. Just as I feel like I can’t take it anymore, I hear a female voice with a British accent.

“Babe?”

It’s my girlfriend. 

Roxanne works as a mechanic and it’s pretty obvious that she just came from work. Her dark hair is slick with sweat and the stench of oil and grease is almost unbearable to my canine senses. She’s wearing a navy blue uniform emblazoned with the words WHITEPAW AUTOMOTIVE and the logo: a smiling cartoon border collie with a wrench in its mouth. 

“Rox, I can explain-“ I begin but that’s when she runs up to me and wraps her arms around my furry neck.

Huh?

“Oh my gosh you’re so cute!” she gushes. “So furry!” She boops me on my snout.

“Y-you don’t care that I’m a werewolf?” I ask.

“Babe, I’m just glad that you’re finally comfortable in your skin.” she says. Then she punches me in the arm. “But you should have told me, you wanker.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry… I just didn’t want to scare you”

“It’s okay, Eric. I’m not mad. Is that why you’ve been writing me off though?” she asks?

“Yeah. Again I’m really sor-“

“Stop apologizing babe. It’s okay. I understand why you did it.” She smiles. “Just please don’t do it again, okay?”

“I promise I won’t.”

“Okay,” she says. “I got the rest of the day off: Mae’s covering my shift. Now Candy said something about groceries?” 

“Yeah, I kinda left them in the store when I… umm… shifted.”

“That’s okay! We’ll go pick them up together!” says Roxanne. The two of us head towards the grocery store. A tomboy mechanic and a wolf creature. Both of us have wide smiles on our faces.

[kevin--of-desert-bluffs]

WTNV quick rundown - 165 - Charlie

Read the rest here!

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are written about on Wikipedia. Welcome to Night Vale.

By reading Doug Biondi's journal, Cecil figures out that every inmate was there because they were hearing the voices of those on delta flight 18713.

Carlos remembers that he met Charles Rainier when he was in the desert otherworld and suggests that Charles was actually a passenger on delta flight 18713.

Charles confirms this. We learn that he grew up in Beckett, Massachusetts and used to fish in a small pond in the woods when he wanted to be alone. He says that their plane crashed in the desert otherworld after being in the NV school gym. He said that the pilot organised them all and had them go out to fetch food and water, with them soon becoming a telepathically linked single unit with The Pilot leading them.

This became dangerous when The Pilot decided that outsiders were a danger and encouraged destruction of them. Charles managed to break free by thinking about his old fishing hole but says that breaking away from the voice and power of The Pilot is extremely hard.

Charles explains that he was locking up anyone who could hear The Pilot, especially Doug Biondi who knows how to get to and back from the desert otherworld, because if they lead the passengers and Pilot back they will assimilate anyone they cannot destroy.

Weather: “Breathe” by Tanja Daub

Leann Hart writes a fearmongering column about the escaped Asylum patients. Charlie insists they are not a danger to any individual, but they are possibly dangerous to society which is why they were locked up.

Charles Rainier studied sociology at Amherst College and graduated in the top 50 in his class.

Doug Biondi is about 6 foot tall, with an unsettlingly long smile and dark, nightmarish eyes.

Stay tuned next for a meditative Ommmmmm. A single Ommmm, for one full hour, un-interrupted by breath, and commercial free.  Good night, Night Vale. Good night.

Proverb: The greatest trick the devil ever played was designing hotel lotion dispensers to look exactly like the hand soap dispensers.

[triptychgrip]

Twin Blades: a Twin Peaks/Yuri!!! on Ice crossover pitch

Note: I have no plans to write this...I have too many WIPs as it is! This is just a fun brainstorm

Fire, Walk With Me Ice, Skate With Me

The cryptic message, written in blood on a piece of notebook paper, was found attached to reigning World Champion Laura Palmer's Sara Crispino’s skates, just minutes after her leg was broken in a brutal assault 1 day prior to the 1994 World Figure Skating Championships. After Nancy Kerrigan, and then Tanja Szewczenko, Sara was the 3rd Ladies Single skater to be attacked in the span of just 1.5 months, and local law enforcement in Portland, Oregon has decided they need to call in reinforcements.

Luckily, FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper Viktor Nikiforov is on the job, and though he initially set off with a hankering for cherry pie, all thoughts of the dessert have just been wiped from his mind.

As he and his standard poodle Makkachin enter the town perimeter of Twin Blades (population 51K), Agent Nikiforov continues with the message he's been recording on his tape recorder.

"Diane Yakov, lunch was 9 dollars and 31 cents at the Yu-topia Inn, it's on highway 2 at Lewis Fork. That was a pork cutlet bowl -- called Kat-su-don -- with a side of daikon radish and miso soup. And, a mini katsudon bowl for Makka! Damn good food. Yakov, if you ever get up this way, that katsudon is worth a stop." (At the memory of how the two of them scarfed down the wonderful meal made by Hiroko-san), Viktor lets a heart-shaped smile take over his face before getting back to business.)

"Ok, I'll be meeting up with Sheriff Truman Katsuki -- you know the one...Yakov, if you don't know who that is by now, then you definitely haven't been listening to my tapes, and we'll need to have a word, because I'm counting on your advice to woo Yuuri! I mean really, I'm still in shock that he actually reached out to me through the Bureau like that, but I'm not about to look a gift horse in the mouth...I'm just relieved that I wasn't the only one that had a life-changing experience at that law enforcement conference in Chicago back in December!

Anyways, the two of us are going to go to intensive care, and look in on that Italian skater -- Sara Crispino -- whose leg was broken in that assault last week."

...

Interrogation Room, Twin Blades Sheriff's Department (two days later)

Yuuri and Viktor exchange shrewd glances at Bobby Briggs' Mickey Crispino's rising volume and visible agitation. Viktor feels a thrill of delight rocket up his spine at the eye contact; only yesterday, Yuuri wasn’t even able to look at him, and now, they’re starting to develop a shared body language, all of their own!

“So what if we we fought? Is that a crime, now, to have a fight with my own sister?” Crispino bellows.

Ugh.

Mickey is a wonderful example of why Viktor despises hockey players.

“Mila's nowhere good enough for her, so of course we butt heads from time to time…it's natural for me to get protective over her!” Mickey continues, spit flying every which way. “Maybe I get too bent out of shape when it comes to their relationship, but your insinuation that my jealousy would lead me to attack Sara right before her attempt to defend her title…?! Its’s beyond insulting!”

Viktor is just about to ask a follow-up (and wipe his face), when Deputy Sheriff Andy Guang-Hong knocks on the door. The poor guy's eyes are still very red-rimmed, and once again, Viktor is reminded of how rare violent assaults like Sara’s are in Twin Blades. As he'd explained earlier on the phone to his colleague, forensic analyst Albert Rosenfield Seung-Gil Lee, the town is tiny.

There are really only two lodging options (Yu-topia Inn and the Great Northern Hotel), 1 entertainment venue (The Roadhouse Ice Castle), and 1 food establishment (the Double R Diner) the Double J Diner, run by the Leroys). Industry is the opposite of varied; the town runs on all things winter sports, hockey and figure skating, primarily.

Yuuri's background info on the potential sale of the Packard Sawmill Ice Castle to a visiting delegation of Norwegian Japanese businessmen only lends another layer of mystery to the serial skater attack spree. In addition to why cocaine was found in Sara's diary -- when everyone swears she would never jeopardize a competition disqualification by way of drug use -- and the undoubtable supernatural presence in the woods that only Minako Okukawa truly seems able to grasp, Viktor is well aware that he has his work cut out for him...both on the romance front and work front.

-----

Twin Peaks is one of my favorite shows, and b/c I now tend to see Viktuuri in everthing I consume, when I started rewatching season 1 a few weeks back, I couldn't help but start to brainstorm around a possible crossover/AU. If you've watched the show, I'm sure you're well aware that it is very dark, so the figure skating element/YOI ensemble shenanigans would definitely lighten things up (no incest, drug or prostitution rings, only bloodthirsty athletic rivalries, shady business dealings and jaded love).

Here are some other things that came to mind:

-Yuuko as the sole owner of Ice Castle, and loosely based on femme fatale Josie Packard. Since Yuuri is not a skater in this AU, she instead puts all of her energy into encouraging Mila to gain the attention of her skating idol (and eventual girlfriend, Sara)...but is her encouragement truly selfless, or is she a much shrewder business owner than Twin Blades' townspeople give her credit for? And was she involved in the murder of her late husband, Takeshi, as Agent Nikiforov comes to suspect?

-Minako as a slightly less eccentric Lawrence Jacoby. Minako was the first person that Sara confided in when she fell in love with Mila, and it was through Minako that Sara found the courage to be open about her relationship with the rest of her family. Minako is one of the few in Twin Blades that is knowledgeable about the supernatural presences in the forest, and many suspect that her youthful appearance is connected to this

-the Nishigori triplets having the combined mischievousness and cunning of Audrey Horne (Minus the blatant flirting with Agent Cooper Nikiforov, b/c that would be weird). Georgi as the Log Lady Gentleman, lmao. Poor guy...no one can take him seriously

As I note in the title, I probably won't actually write this, but if anyone else is a Peaks fan, please let me know! It's such a bizarre and wonderful world that I love to think about :)

[beardedmrbean]

Daniela Klette lived quietly. She walked her dog and gave maths tuition to her neighbours’ children.

But when she was arrested in late February, the police found tens of thousands of euros in cash in her Berlin flat and five weapons, among them a Kalashnikov assault rifle and a replica rocket launcher.

Klette, 65, had been on the run for more than 30 years. She was wanted for crimes connected to the left-wing militant Red Army Faction (RAF), which was active in Germany from the 1970s to the 1990s.

Known in its early days as the Baader Meinhof group, the gang pursued their political aims through the kidnap or murder of senior members of the business and industrial communities.

The RAF’s notoriety had led to a podcast team in Berlin trying to track Klette down using a facial recognition tool.

The podcast ran shortly before Christmas, only weeks before the arrest. But police deny a connection. They say they had a tip-off from a member of the public.

The RAF’s crimes are not forgotten in Germany, even if a generation has passed since they were committed.

They continue to exercise the imaginations of film and television producers, who have been making high-budget drama and documentary series that recall the assassinations of the 1980s and 90s.

“The RAF is deeply rooted in the collective memory, at least in western Germany,” says Petra Terhoeven, an expert in the history of political violence at Göttingen University.

Later this year, for example, German television will run a new four-part drama about Alfred Herrhausen, the head of Deutsche Bank, who was murdered shortly after the opening of the Berlin Wall in 1989. A sophisticated roadside bomb destroyed his armoured Mercedes as he was being driven to work.

In 2020 the first Netflix original series for the German market, A Perfect Crime, examined the assassination of Detlev Rohwedder. He was the head of the Treuhandanstalt, the organisation established after German reunification to privatise all state-owned industry in the former East Germany.

Rohwedder was killed by a shot from a sniper’s rifle through an upstairs window at his home in Düsseldorf in the spring of 1991.

In neither case have the perpetrators been caught.

The Netflix series was made by the Beetz Brothers production company. Recalling its origins, co-director Georg Tschurtschenthaler says the brief was to find a project that the whole country would talk about. “It had to be big and relevant,” he says. “It had to create some noise.”

A Perfect Crime, while acknowledging the letter found at the crime scene in which the RAF claimed responsibility for Rohwedder’s murder, presents a number of different scenarios as to who may have killed him. For Tschurtschenthaler the background to the murder is what matters – the rapid closure of much of East German industry and the loss of millions of jobs.

“It’s a dark period that resonates until today,” he says.

Petra Terhoeven, the historian, warns of the dangers of a trivialisation of the crimes committed by the RAF. She detects too great a focus on the perpetrators, too little consideration for the victims.

The victim who has received perhaps most attention is Alfred Herrhausen, a charismatic and influential banker and a personal friend of then-Chancellor Helmut Kohl. A new documentary will accompany the four-part television drama later this year. Herrhausen has also been portrayed in fiction, by the writer Tanja Langer.

“When I was writing my novel it was important for me to create an homage to this person,” she says of her book. The novel, an account of a relationship between a young woman and an older man, a banker, is written from personal experience. Langer and Herrhausen had a close friendship for several years until his death.

Even though the RAF claimed responsibility for Herrhausen’s murder, Tanja Langer thinks the truth may not be as simple. She did several years’ research for her novel and spent a lot of time in the archive of the former East German secret police, the Stasi.

“In the end my conclusion was that even if the RAF carried out the murder, maybe there were others that were also part of it,” she says.

It’s that uncertainty, in part, that fuels the continued interest. There are still many unsolved murders from the 1980s and it’s possible that Daniela Klette, now behind bars, knows something about them.

Not long before she was arrested, a podcast company in Berlin, Undone, set out to find her. They had been contacted by a listener who said he’d been at a party where a woman had claimed to be Klette.

“It was a crazy story,” says Patrick Stegemann, who worked on the series.

Undone brought in an AI expert who deployed facial recognition software to search the internet for pictures that matched one of Klette on an old “Wanted” poster. It came up with a match for a woman living as “Claudia” not far from where the podcasters operate out of an old industrial premises in Berlin. But when they went to look for her, she was nowhere to be found.

Two months later, when Daniela Klette, was arrested, it became clear that they had identified the right woman. Patrick Stegemann remembers hearing the news of the arrest. “It was a wild mixture of feelings,” he says.

Prosecutors are currently going through dozens of boxes of evidence and are yet to bring charges against Klette.

Petra Terhoeven is sceptical she will offer any help.

“The majority of former members of the RAF don't speak about the past,” she says. “It’s like a political sect, it’s a kind of cartel of silence. And so probably she will remain silent.”