#talking to future me skimming my posts again with that one

[spacedkey]

normal i'm normal

[scriptedinkbyxim]

Past the Finish Line: Into the Chicane [MV1]

Amidst the glitz and chaos of the F1 world and a very tense 2024 season, Max Verstappen and (Y/N) Sainz relationship faces a pivotal challenge. As racing pressures mount and emotions run wild, a moment of heartbreak leaves them questioning if love and ambition can coexist.

Pairings: Max Verstappen x Sainz! Female Reader

Warnings: Angst, So much Angst. Commitment Issues. Allusions to sex but nothing explicit. No happy ending.

A/N: Hi, Xim here. This is my first published fic and I hope you enjoy it. English is not my first language so apologies in advance for any mistake. This is pt. 1 of a three part mini series but can be read as a standalone.

Part 2. | Part 3.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

How did we end up here?

It was a question without an answer, one that lingered in the silence between them, thick and suffocating like the humid Budapest air pressing against the hotel windows. The suite was bathed in golden light from the city outside, reflecting the neon glow of the Hungarian Grand Prix weekend, but inside, the atmosphere was anything but warm.

Max stood with his hands on his hips, his jaw clenched so tightly that the veins in his neck were visible. (Y/N), across from him, arms crossed over her chest, blinking back the sting of tears that she refused to let fall.

Love was supposed to be a partnership.

It was supposed to be about growing together, supporting each other, facing life’s uncertainties as a unit. But sometimes, love wasn’t enough. Sometimes, no matter how much history two people shared, no matter how deeply they had intertwined their lives, love alone couldn’t bridge the gaps that formed between them.

It had started with something small. It always did.

A simple question, an offhand comment.

She had been scrolling through her phone at the hotel, the post-race adrenaline still pulsing through her veins. The results had been disappointing, and she knew Max was frustrated—knew the weight of the season was pressing down on him more than ever.

But then she saw the article.

Verstappen Focused on Career, No Interest in Settling Down Yet.

She laughed. Not because it was funny, but because of how absurd it was. The media speculated all the time, twisting words, exaggerating things—but this? This wasn’t an exaggeration. This was him, in his own words, saying everything she had feared.

“You could’ve at least warned me before telling the world you have ‘no interest’ in a future with me,” she had said, tossing her phone onto the coffee table.

Max had barely looked up from where he was unlacing his shoes. “What are you talking about?”

She grabbed her phone again, shoving it toward him. “This.”

He skimmed the article, expression unreadable. “It’s just media nonsense.”

“Max.” She crossed her arms, pressing her lips together. “It’s your quote.”

He exhaled sharply, tossing his shoes aside before leaning back against the couch. “I told them what I’ve been saying for years. My focus is on racing. Everything else can wait.”

Her stomach twisted. “Everything else?”

He looked at her then, brows furrowed. “You know what I mean.”

Did she?

Because standing here, listening to him say it like that—like their future was something to be indefinitely postponed, something unimportant—it didn’t feel like she knew anything at all.

“Do I?” she asked, voice sharp. “Because from where I’m standing, it sounds like I’m just supposed to keep waiting while you decide if I fit into your perfect little plan.”

Max ran a hand down his face, already exasperated. “Why are you making this a big deal? You know how important this season is.”

Her hands curled into fists at her sides. “I know how important racing is to you, Max. I’ve always known.”

It was the unspoken part that stung.

But do you know how important I am?

His silence answered that question for her.

φ

AUSTRALIA, 2015

The first time she met Max, he was just a boy with sharp blue eyes and a cocky grin, standing next to her older brother in the paddock. She had been fifteen, barely old enough to understand the world she had grown up in, but something about him had intrigued her.

Carlos had been the one to introduce them, laughing when Max—seventeen and already making a name for himself—had barely glanced at her before shaking her hand with a distracted nod.

She had rolled her eyes, unimpressed, and muttered something in Spanish under her breath. Whatever it was, it had caught Max’s attention, and for the first time, he had really looked at her.

“You speak Spanish?” he had asked.

“She’s my sister,” Carlos deadpanned. “Of course she does.”

Max now had a flirty smirk. Carlos had groaned, but (Y/N) just laughed, not knowing then that this arrogant Dutch boy would become the love of her life.

φ

They had fought before. God, they had fought. Stubbornness was ingrained in both of them, but this wasn’t like before. This wasn’t an argument that would end in tangled limbs and whispered apologies in the dark. This was something breaking—cracking apart at the seams, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t hold it together.

“Do you even hear yourself?” Max’s voice was sharp, edged with frustration, exhaustion, and something deeper—something that made her stomach twist painfully. “You think now is the time for this? Right now, when everything is going to shit?”

(Y/N) inhaled sharply, nails digging into her palms. “I think now is the time because I can’t keep waiting for a ‘right’ moment that never comes.”

Max scoffed, running a hand through his disheveled hair, already damp from the heat. “So what? You want me to deflect from the championship with this? With fucking marriage and kids?”

The words were a slap.

She staggered under the weight of them, blinking as if that would somehow make them disappear. He didn’t mean it, she told herself. He was angry. Stressed. But the way he was looking at her—like she was asking for something outrageous, something unreasonable—made her chest ache in a way she hadn’t felt before.

“I’ve been with you for eight years,” she whispered, voice shaking despite herself. “Through everything. I have given you everything, Max. And you act like I’m some… inconvenience?”

His lips parted slightly, but no words came out. He just stared at her, expression unreadable, and suddenly she was drowning in memories.

φ

SILVERSTONE, 2019

The energy at Silverstone was electric, the summer air thick with heat and anticipation. The race had been brutal—wheel-to-wheel battles, aggressive overtakes, and tensions running high.

(Y/N) had been in the paddock, watching the post-race interviews, still grinning from the chaos on track. Max had fought like hell against Charles, the two nearly colliding more times than she could count.

Carlos, standing beside her, let out a low whistle. “That was some proper racing.”

“Some proper reckless racing,” Lando chimed in, shaking his head with a smirk. “I swear, those two act like they have a personal vendetta.”

(Y/N) laughed, arms crossed as she watched Max approach from the media pen, Charles a few steps behind him. The Monegasque caught her eye first, giving her a knowing look. “You should keep your boyfriend in check. He drives like a lunatic.”

Max, overhearing, scoffed. “And you don’t?”

She stepped between them, rolling her eyes. “Are you two seriously arguing again? You just got out of the car.”

Charles smirked. “It’s called passion, Dolcezza.”

She shook her head but smiled, glancing at Lando, who was already pulling out his phone to film whatever chaos was about to unfold.

Then she felt Max’s arm loop around her waist, pulling her into his side. It was natural, instinctive—like muscle memory.

She looked up at him, arching a brow. “What are you doing?”

“Reminding Charles that you’re mine,” he said, smirking.

She rolled her eyes, but her heart fluttered anyway.

Lando, never missing an opportunity, pointed his phone at them. “Aww, look at you two. So cute.”

Carlos clapped Max on the back. “Alright, lover boy. Let’s go debrief before you and Charles start throwing punches.”

As the group walked off, she stayed behind for a second, looking back at the track. The adrenaline, the heat, the pure joy of racing—it was everything Max loved.

And she loved him.

Back then, she had believed that was enough.

φ

“Do you remember Silverstone?” she asked suddenly, voice thick with emotion breaking the silence.

Max blinked, caught off guard. “What?”

“2019. After the race.”

His brows furrowed. “Yeah, of course. Why?”

She let out a shaky breath. “Because back then, you wanted me by your side. You wanted a future with me. And now…” She gestured helplessly between them. “Now I don’t even know if I fit into your life anymore.”

Max stepped forward, frustration flashing in his eyes. “That’s not fair, Schatje. You know I want you with me.”

She let out a bitter laugh. “Do I? Because from where I’m standing, all I see is a man who only prioritizes me when it’s convenient.”

His jaw clenched. “That’s not true.”

“Isn’t it?” Her voice cracked. “You’ve built your entire life around racing, Max. And I’ve let you. I’ve supported you through everything, sacrificed parts of myself just to be what you needed. But when do I get to be a priority? Do you even think about a future with me anymore?”

The silence stretched between them, heavy and suffocating.

Finally, Max exhaled, shaking his head. “I can’t do this right now.”

She flinched.

Not I don’t want to lose you.

Not We can figure this out.

Just I can’t do this right now.

And that was all she needed to hear.

She looked out the window as the sun set, trying to hold on to the remaining pieces of their relationship.

φ

BARCELONA, 2016

It happened in Barcelona, after the race. It wasn’t anything grand or cinematic. No fireworks, no dramatic declarations of love—just two teenagers who had spent months circling each other, neither willing to admit what had been obvious to everyone around them.

They had been walking through the Red Bull hospitality area late at night, the paddock nearly empty. (Y/N) had teased him about his race start, and he had nudged her shoulder in response, grumbling about how she and Carlos always ganged up on him.

Then, suddenly, the air shifted.

She had looked up at him, at those sharp blue eyes, and for the first time, there had been no hesitation. No fear.

He had kissed her like he had been waiting to do it forever.

And maybe he had.

φ

Max exhaled harshly, shaking his head as if trying to take back his last words.

She let out a bitter laugh, stepping away from him, away from the suffocating weight of this argument. Her hands trembled as she wiped at her face, furious with herself for letting the tears slip free.

“I was there when you won your first race,” she said, voice quiet now, laced with pain. “I was there for your first pole, your first championship. I put my career—my life—on hold for you because I believed in us. I believed in you.”

Max flinched, just barely, but it was enough. Enough for her to see that he knew—deep down—she was right.

And yet, when he spoke again, his voice was cold. “I can’t afford distractions right now. Not with the way this season is going.”

φ

ABU DHABI, 2021

She had been in the garage, hands clasped together so tightly that her knuckles had turned white. The final lap. The final chance.

And then—Max had done it. He was an F1 World Champion.

She had barely had time to react before he was running toward her, before she was in his arms, laughter and tears mixing as he spun her around.

“You did it,” she whispered against his shoulder.

He had pulled back just enough to press his forehead against hers, grinning like a madman. “We did it Schatje.”

At that moment (Y/N) felt as if they were in heaven, as if with Max everything was possible. Nothing indicated otherwise, she was in heaven and nothing could have prepared her for the fall.

φ

Now she felt like a fool. 

His words echoed in his head like torment.

Distraction.

That was all she was to him.

She had loved Max since she was sixteen. Supported him through every win, every loss, every moment of doubt. And now, when she was finally asking for something in return, he was acting like she was asking for the impossible.

“I’m not saying we have to get married and start having kids tomorrow,” she said, voice tight. “I’m saying that after eight years, I need to know if there’s a future here. If I even matter to you beyond being someone who follows you around from race to race.”

Max exhaled harshly, shaking his head. “You know you matter to me.”

“Do I?” she challenged. “Because it doesn’t feel like it, Max. It feels like I’m just another part of your career, like I exist to be there for you but never the other way around.”

His jaw tightened. “That’s not fair.”

“Isn’t it?”

(Y/N) stared at him, her chest rising and falling with uneven breaths, and suddenly it was so clear. There was no answer to the question that had haunted her since the fight started.

How did we end up here?

She took a step back, then another, and Max didn’t move. Didn’t reach for her.

And that was it. That was all she needed to know.

“I hope you win,” she said, her voice hollow. “I really do. Because if you don’t, then you’ve lost everything for nothing.”

Then she turned and walked away, leaving behind the man she had loved for eight years and the life she had built around him.

As the door clicked shut behind her, leaving nothing but the ghost of her presence and the sharp scent of her perfume in its wake, Max remained motionless. The silence in the hotel room felt suffocating now, pressing against his ribs with the weight of unsaid things. I hope you win. The words rang in his ears, curling around his thoughts like a vice, and for the first time in his life, victory felt like a consolation prize rather than a triumph. 

He exhaled, slow and measured, running a hand through his hair as if to steady himself, but the ache in his chest remained—something raw, something unresolved. He should have stopped her. He should have said something. But all that remained was the quiet hum of the city outside and the space where she had stood, her absence louder than any of the words they had spoken. What had he just done?

φ

MONACO, 2024 – ONE WEEK LATER.

(Y/N) moved through their apartment with practiced efficiency, collecting the last of her things. The space was eerily silent without Max’s presence—no sound of him pacing while on the phone with his agent, no distant hum of the simulator running late into the night.

She had always loved this apartment. It had been their home together, the place where they had grown from teenagers in love to adults navigating life side by side. Every corner held a memory—a lazy morning spent tangled in bed, a quiet evening watching the sunset from their balcony, a passionate night lost in each other's bodies, the scent of Max’s cologne lingering in the hallway.

But now, all those memories felt like ghosts.

She moved to the dresser, opening the top drawer. His shirts were still there, neatly folded. She hesitated before picking one up, pressing the fabric between her fingers.

It smelled like him. Like home.

Her breath hitched.

She had fought for them. She had given everything.

And Max… he had let her.

She placed the shirt back, smoothing it down with trembling fingers before shutting the drawer.

There was nothing left for her here.

Her clothes were gone from the closet. The photos of them that had once decorated the walls had been packed away. It was as if she had never been there.

And maybe that was fitting.

Maybe, in the end, she had always been a ghost in his life—something present but never permanent.

She exhaled shakily, picking up her bags. The apartment door loomed before her, the final threshold between the life she had built and the unknown future waiting beyond it.

As (Y/N) stood in the doorway one last time, she hesitated—just for a second.

φ

MONACO, 2020

The apartment smelled of fresh paint and new beginnings. The floor-to-ceiling windows bathed the living room in golden afternoon light, the Mediterranean stretching endlessly beyond the balcony. (Y/N) stood in the middle of the half-unpacked chaos, a cardboard box in her hands, watching as Max struggled with assembling a bookshelf. His brows were furrowed in frustration, lips pressed into a thin line as he fumbled with the instructions.

"You know, for someone who drives at 300 kilometers per hour, you’re really bad at putting things together," she teased, biting back a laugh.

Max shot her a glare before tossing the manual aside. "I don’t need instructions," he huffed.

(Y/N) arched her brow. "That’s exactly what someone who definitely needs instructions would say."

With a sigh, Max slumped onto the floor, running a hand through his hair. "I hate this already."

She set the box down and moved to sit beside him, nudging his shoulder with hers. "Maybe if you let me help—"

He turned his head slightly, eyes softening as he looked at her. "You’re really here," he murmured, as if the reality of it was only just sinking in.

She tilted her head, amusement fading into something more tender. "Of course, I’m here. I wouldn’t be anywhere else."

The pandemic had changed everything. Racing was postponed, the world had slowed down, and in the stillness of it all, they had found themselves craving something more permanent. She had just finished her literature degree, unsure of what came next, but when Max asked her to move in, the answer had been easy.

"Are you sure about this?" he had asked her a week before, voice hesitant over the phone.

She had smiled, even though he couldn’t see it. "Max, I’ve basically lived in airports and hotel rooms with you for years. At least this way, I finally get a closet of my own. Besides, I can't spend another minute with my brother and Dad while on lockdown." She said with a laugh, Carlos protests could be heard in the Background.

Now, sitting in their new apartment, surrounded by boxes of their intertwined lives, she reached for his hand. "I think we’re going to be really happy here," she said, squeezing his fingers.

Max exhaled, leaning his forehead against hers. "Yeah," he murmured. "Me too Shatje. Me too."

And for a long time, they were.

φ

How did we end up here?

The truth was simple. She already knew.

She had loved him more than she had loved herself.

Love wasn’t always enough.

People grew, evolved, sometimes in different directions. Some fights were worth having, but others—others only proved how much two people had already lost.

Love wasn’t enough for them. No matter how much they had tried, no matter how much she had wanted to fight for them, it wasn’t enough.

And with that final thought and one last breath, she stepped forward, closing the door behind her, and walked away.

[australianklaviergavin]

Hello, it's me, THE australianklaviergavin, today I actually have made a Discord server!

It's generally Uendo flavored (Uendoblr FIND ME), but I'd moreso like to generally build a community around minor AA characters. If your misunderstood fav is the Bellboy, this one's for you!

I won't be turning anyone away at the door, however, so if Miles Edgeworth really is your favorite which none can compete with, you're still welcomed! Just be cool. There's a short list of rules, which I've compiled below the cut for ease of access, give them a skim, if you'd please. Strangers and mutuals alike are welcomed, come one, come all!!

Join here!!

[Reblogs appreciated!]

DA RULEZ 💥

Anything else causing problems will be evaluated on a case-by-case basis, but I hope we can all have fun and be chill!

1.) Please try to be respectful!!

> This is really the biggest one. I'd like to try and prevent fights from happening in the first place, if possible, but if there's a personal issue, please contact me and I'll do my best to resolve things!

2.) Racism, sexism, homophobia, and general bigotry are STRICTLY disallowed.

> Not that I think this will be an issue, but I'm covering my bases.

3.) NO NSFW TALK IN #GENERAL.

> I'd like this server to be SFW, but if it *really* becomes an issue, I can add a roll-locked, designated channel for suggestive content. I have no plans for allowing anything actually *explicit* here in the future.

4.) Please keep promotion limited to #promo

> Not really a *biiig* point, but I don't want other channels to get clogged with "CHECK OUT MY SOUNDCLOUD" when we have a dedicated channel

5.) No posting of harmful material

> No content depicting pedophilia, incest, or bestiality will be allowed here. Anything else is fine, we *are* fans of the Murder Games, but there is a line. I would like this server to be generally safe for all ages, including minors. If you disagree on this one, feel free to leave.

6.) Please tag gore!

> Again, the games are about murder, but I'd prefer anything more than just "the usual" amount of blood to be under a spoiler tag & warning!

[sapphic-agent]

I think one of my main annoyances in Hori writing is him trying to redeem every villain and hero that some of them just doesn’t deserve that redemption.

Like; it’s reminds me too much of Naruto. But the difference is Naruto isn’t being held by modern standards since it set in a fictional world with ninjas while bnha is set in 200+ years in the future in modern japan.

I absolutely despise Endeavor and how he abused his family as a whole; in modern society he would have been put in jail, and yet he still gets a redemption arc. It’s feels like it’s cheapen all of the todorokis trauma.

And shoto being bakugo friend is another thing, since bakugo is so much like endeavor… like, if I had a classmate that act so much like my abusive parent that I absolutely despise I wouldn’t be close to them at all.

It’s gave me bad feeling how Hori just brushes all of the trauma the characters have from the actions of other characters selfish acts.

When I started reading the manga in 2015 I thought the concept is really good and having a main character with anxiety and socialization problems (in the start) made me hooked, because I had those things too. But looking at it now 8 years later I just feel so much dissatisfaction and disappointments..

You have a great point about Naruto. I mean, I'm not a fan of Naruto because of reasons, but it's the same concept as to why I like Vegeta better than Bakugou despite Vegeta technically being a worse person. Because MHA and DBZ are two very different shows. One is about becoming stronger and being able to face any threat to the world no matter what, the other is trying to push a narrative about morality and being a "true hero." The Z Fighters do have their own moral compasses, but it varies between every character. So there's no overarching theme that's beating us over the head.

Someone described this problem with MHA perfectly; it's constantly preaching about morality while willfully being tone deaf about its own overlaying issues. And that wouldn't even be so bad if so many of these issues weren't set up in the beginning to be addressed later.

I talk a lot about Bakugou, but I think we should focus on Endeavor like you mentioned. Not only are they similar in nature (temperamental, overzealous, dangerously ambitious), they're also two characters who benefit the most from the system in MHA.

...And it's barely ever acknowledged.

I mean sure, Dabi calls Endeavor out and it leads to the public losing faith in heroes. But not only does the family he abused and/or neglected choose to help him (I can't get over Fuyumi and Natsu taking blame for Touya when they were LITERAL CHILDREN wtf, not to mention Rei), why he was allowed to do this is never addressed. People knew he wasn't the kind hero All Might was, and it was something his fans admired along with his strength. Because as long as you have a strong quirk, you're admired in the MHA world and allowed to get away with whatever you want. Yet this is overlooked so easily.

(I like Hawks (because of Zeno Robinson mainly), but him dismissing this is so weird?? Why on Earth would Horikoshi go out of his way to introduce a character with an abusive father and make him an Endeavor fan? With no moment of clarity either?? There's something really off about that)

Bakugou's apology (one day I'll make a post critiquing this scene) is a little better in this regard as he does acknowledge that he was enabled because of his quirk. But again, it's really just skimmed over and only referenced to give Bakugou an excuse.

And the people who do question society and its system are either villains who are use it as an excuse to cause destruction and hurt people (the LOV and Overhaul) or bloodthirsty murderers (Stain). I would have loved for Horikoshi to introduce a group of vigilantes or anti-heroes who work outside of the HPSC and call out how discriminatory their system is.

Someone's talked about this before, but the Todoroki and Bakugou "friendship" was so forced and unnecessary. Bakugou has, at every turn, been completely unsympathetic towards the fact that Todoroki was abused and yelled at his sister for talking about it in her own home (but sure, let's call Bakugou an abuse victim I guess). Todoroki should have at the very least remained indifferent towards Bakugou like he was in the beginning.

Izuku deserves so much better than how Horikoshi treats him. He's either used as a tool to make Bakugou better or he's shoved into the background of his own show. He was so relatable in the beginning of the series only for the plot to suck his character dry.

[archivalofsins]

Hey, this isn't going to be a long post because I want to get back to playing Caligula Effect 2. However, confirmed that Double is mostly a dream with small snippets of reality while MeMe is reality with breaks into dreams. Also that the graphs we see displayed distortedly throughout Double are a polysomnography.

X X

"I’m probably just having a bad dream, I need to wake up soon." - "All I did was dream, and that’s what you found GUILTY? “He’s a liar”, you said, and made me out to be a scoundrel, why?"

So, let's talk about this for a bit.

all gifs made by @apatchworkstar

So, in Caligula Effect 2 there's a heavy focus on the meaning of the word dream. It's highlighted multiple times that a dream can be something you have at night while sleeping or refer to something you want to do in the future. So, throughout double the word dream itself even has a double meaning.

I think that when John states all he did was dream contextually he's referring to the dreams one has when they sleep. I believe this because the structure of Double as I stated before is more dream like than MeMe. Though I have another pertinent reason for believing this outside of that. Let's discuss the telltale signs of a dream displayed throughout Double first.

1. Takes place mainly in one location.

Unlike MeMe where we change locations frequently. From the underpass to the inside of their home, to the dumping area outside of their home, to their bathroom. Double is limited to the train station and the train only. Despite seeing John commuting he never makes it home or to work. He is confined to this location.

2. Seemingly endless terrains. (Never-ending passages or areas that seem to go on forever.)

3. Partial literacy or none. (Not everyone can read within dreams but those who can rarely can read the same thing twice. Instead the words will either keep changing or go blank.)

People who can read in dreams are pretty rare. They tend to be in communications based professions or writers.

CAN YOU READ IN YOUR DREAMS? SCIENCE REVEALS WHY MOST PEOPLE CAN'T

There are also other things that can't be done in dreams according to other sources.

X

That are helpful when it comes to differentiating between reality and dream in Mikoto's case. Also bringing more scrutiny to John's statements during the interrogation where he claims they attacked random strangers on the street an impossibility if it was really a dream like they both claim. We see in Double that none of the people have faces, they're all mannequins.

Since John stated he attacked some stranger it makes sense for everyone in Double to appear this way because in dreams you can't really just create a full ass person that you've never seen before. So, this makes everyone in John's version of events a stranger to him. However, you know where that's definitely not the damn case.

In MeMe where we see this guy plain as day-

As Mikoto does a very physical activity. However, this is a good time to interject- Dreams are very personalized.

Personal anecdote. I once had a dream when I was in a bookstore, and I was browsing around. I'd read a book I'd liked but I was unsure if I wanted to really commit to purchasing it but there was limited time was there with others, I had like twenty minutes at most, and I'd looked at a clock just to see what time that'd be. When I went to skim the book again it was blank. Then I looked at the clock and it was blank too. I was in high school at the time and had already looked into information around dreams and became acutely aware I was which led to a bit of lucid dreaming before I woke up. In other dreams I've been in fights, used weapons etc. even ran for a good while.

So, yeah, I've done physical activities in my dreams before, and I've seen people I know and have never known in my dreams too. It's different for everyone.

Yet, it's still valid to question-

Why would Double something primarily from John's perspective follow the rules of dreams more than Mikoto's?

If what they did was just a dream, then those rules should be applicable to both songs not just one.

It's not as though all of MeMe just shows the reality of the situation either. In fact, dream and reality are more neatly separated within their first trial song. Something that is displayed by one of those things listed. The inability to look in mirrors.

And being confined to one place regardless of how it changes over the course of the video.

So, yes there are very logical ways to discern between what is a dream and what is reality within Mikoto's trial songs. Milgram has done nothing to hide this. They even further displayed this by putting dream in large font for all to see over most of double.

Yet what's the other thing that makes me so sure that when John is discussing dreaming, he's discussing the dreams you have while sleeping and Mikoto is discussing dreams for the future?

For one Mikoto is specifically paired with the woman who sings this-

"Is the damage to get in the way of someone’s dream."- "If it damaged someone’s dream to the points of stopping it I’ll gouge you out with my fangs."

So chances are a part of the reason they were connected is because they lashed out due to someone gettting in the way of their personal goals and dreams. Yet there's also the fact he plainly fucking states what his dream was in his written trial one interrogation.

Q.04 Are you picky when it comes to fashion?

Mikoto: Of course I am. Nobody would want to ask for anything from an unfashionable designer, right?

06 What do you hate?

Mikoto: working overnight / reptiles / violence

Q.14 Where do you think you’ll be in 10 years?

Mikoto: It’d be nice if I could build up my own self-sustaining design business. That’d be pretty liberating.

"Hey now, I saved you, right? So why in the hell are you crying? Cling to me, hoist me up as your “savior”, stand up and sing out your gratitude, that’d be good."

Mikoto even uses similar verbage to that used in his first written interrogation when asked about these things in the lyrics of Double. Such as right, and that'd be good.

So, yeah there's all that.

[onehundredgar]

Click for Palestine 🇵🇸 : https://arab.org/click-to-help/palestine/

Hey! What’s up? Thanks for coming around!

Pseudonym’s Annie. I’ve got most of my quick info in my bio, if you ever feel inclined to skim it! I’m Bangladeshi and Muslim. I’m also aspec, omnisexual, and pangender. I also am very large and contain multitudes.

This is my main blog! I reblog a lot of stuff I find funny, stuff about the moon, about animals and nature but birds and fish in particular, about community and partnership and overcoming prejudice, about love and family and friends, and about identity and orientation and mental health.

I tag all my posts, replies, and reblogs as accurately as I can. If there are any issues with my tags, post contents, or anything else in my blog, please let me know so I can fix it and make it a more comfortable online space!

I love meeting people! If you'd like to, shoot me a message or an ask and you can be sure I'll respond!

Below is the alphabetically organised guide to my current fandoms and my relationship with them, and to my organisational structure for my tags. It's a long post; keep reading at your own risk!

Fandoms!

Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared

Again, got into it when I was younger and it kind of burrowed its way into my brain where it rotted, forgotten, for ages until the sudden new season. Not necessarily emotionally invested, but the Three Of Them have my whole heart for sure.

Dungeon Meshi

I got into it VERY recently by binging the manga, and now I'm keeping up with the Netflix adaptation! Obsessed with the solid worldbuilding.

Gravity Falls

Top fandom ever everrrrr. Got obsessed with it as a kid and I’ve never let it go since. I know all the sordid fandom history, all the best and most popular headcanons of current day, and some the most based fanartists and fics. I do a lot of recreational multishipping in my dark and evil mind palace.

My Little Pony

Come on come onnnnn. It's a classic. I have an encyclopaedic and philosophical understanding of the MLP universe. No I will not talk about it.

The Wind-Up Chronicle Bird

Read it VERY recently. Super surreal, and as always, Murakami never misses. However, the books I am emotionally invested in change on a monthly basis. Expect the title to switch in a little bit.

Welcome to Night Vale

I got into it half a year ago and it literally changed my brain chemistry. One of my forever fandoms for sure, though I must admit it fell off after "Father Kevin"...

Tag Organisation Guide!

Annie’s Anomalous Affairs:

#annie’s aberrant abominations - there’s very little content in this tag. OC tag; I don’t reaaaally talk about my OCs though so don’t worry about it. It’s mostly stuff I reblog to help character build anyway. I’ll list the subtags for individual OCs below as they appear on my blog.

#abomination: Danny #abomination: Hannah #abomination: Hedon #abomination: Lola #abomination: Nicky #abomination: Spring #abomination: Teresa

#annie adores advice - there’s a LOT of content in this tag. Advice or awareness spreading I reblog that I think will help me live easier, or to signal boost so people who need it can use it.

#annie argot - posts of mine where I think I utilised especially clever wordplay, which I archive under this tag for future writing reference.

#annie attempts art - my art! At least up until now I’ve drawn purely on Procreate so it’s all digital medium.

#annie awakened - a tag specifically for answering asks and mentions!

#annie awkwardly articulates - my posts! I talk about my thoughts and experiences, or I’ll be archiving a chat I had here online.

#authentic annie appearances - screenshots of text conversations with my IRL friends.

Annie Appreciates…:

#birdposting - just the same; reblogging cool and/or funny posts about birds! I love birds. Love their behaviour, love how they evolve, love eating them. I try to include the species of bird in the tags whenever I can!

#boys will be boys - I use this tag whenever I am appreciating masculinity! This includes folks being silly, being kind, being geeky, and all around being. Often accompanied by the “girl moment” tag (elaborated on below).

#classic - tag for infamous Tumblr posts that I archive for myself! Gotta collect those heritage posts, man. Can’t have a blog without the colour of the sky.

#classic + #to me - iconic Tumblr posts that feel like they should be infamous but aren’t for some reason.

#fishposting - you guessed it; reblogging cool and/or funny posts about fish! I love fish. Love their biology, love how they look, love eating them. I try to include the species of fish in the tags whenever I can!

#girl moment - I use this tag whenever I am appreciating femininity! This includes folks being silly, being kind, being geeky, and all around being. Often accompanied by the “boys will be boys” tag (elaborated on above).

#later gator - the tag I use to save things (usually videos) to look at later when I’m scrolling tumblr at double-time (or have my volume on), probably because I’m at work.

#my romantic wife - that’s the moon! I adore the moon, it’s unmatched (tag not to be confused with the term I often use, “my platonic wife”, elaborated on below)!

#number - tag for things that I think are attractive, ranging from blatant thirst trap art to standard-ATX motherboards.

#take me out to dinner first - tag for scheduled posts that have something to do with the date of the day.

Annie’s Associates:

#DNA double felix-cipher - tag for tumblr user @toytanks, Felix-Cipher. The tag is a play on the term “double helix structure”.

#my froinds :3 - I talk about or reblog posts that remind me of my IRL friends! My friends are very important to me and I love them so so much.

#sarufiyyun - tag for tumblr user @biblicallyaccuratepigeons, Seraph-Chim, who’s angelkin. Sarufiyyun is the Islamic term for Seraphim.

#the coworker - this very specific colleague I have who who is pretty eccentric. She stalks my blog. You can find her snarky remarks under the reclusive @annielover69420 handle.

#the spouse - this is “my platonic wife” (not to be confused with the tag “my romantic wife”, elaborated on above)! My best friend who I’ve known for nearly two decades. I have a special tag for her because I have a special relationship with her. Sometimes I will be a little sulky about her, but hey, marriage has its ups and downs!

Annie’s Avocations:

#art reference - what it says on the tin. Step by step guides or simple diagrams of art tips; whatever helps me draw!

#recipes - I feel like I should throw this tag in here now that I have at least two or three reblogs for it. Cool recipes for cool food I’d like to make one day.

#tutorial - tutorials for anything at all! I eat life advice for every meal. Sometimes these won't be strictly tutorials but something adjacent— I tag as such anyway so I can find it later under that label if necessary.

#writing - yes, I have nothing to show for it on here, but I’m a writer! Tag for writing tips and also inspiration.

That's all, folks! Have a good one!

[temunitu]

Do you have any good Mike or Raph fic or anything? Could be any version but I think it would be nice to read about the other half of the turtle boys. That and I just want to read more Mikey fanfic…

here’s my list with a quick rating and summary to help you find exactly what you want! some of these are just on my reading list but i’ve heard good things about them, or they sound interesting.

this list is mostly mikey because that's my boy right there. i haven't seen many raph and mikey fics unfortunately. someday i'll complete mine.

as usual, if any of y'all have read any good fics and want to recommend some, feel free! we love and appreciate raph and mikey on this blog.

fics i have read:

(Rise Mikey) Going Under - 12/10 i was on the edge of my seat. the boys are facing a new villain and mikey gets trapped underwater. made me cry

(Rise Mikey) Sometime I Get Lost Under The Painted Sky - 12/10 post rise movie mikey tries out vent art for the trauma he got from the kraang. love the way the author describes the paintings of kraang and mikey's feelings surrounding it. sent chills up my spine.

(2003 Mikey) A Simple Act of Kindness - 10/10 very cathartic, also made me tear up. an accurate depiction of what the next battle nexus would look like and how mikey would react to losing.

(2003 Mikey) Better Genes - 9/10 i’ve been obsessed with this prompt ever since i found out about it. it’s a simple rewrite of if mikey was infected instead of don during the 2003 good genes arc. has a lot of references to 2003 and a few to 2012. the chapter “journey to the center of mikey’s mind” is beautifully described and really captures the mystic feelings 2003 has.

(2003, all) Dissection - 14/10 much needed talking through what happened after the space arc. very in character. made me chuckle AND tear up.

-

fics i'm reading:

(Rise F!Mikey) Mystic Hands - so far, the writing is so eloquent and rich. it's about mikey travelling back in time instead of casey jr. iconic peepaw, he travels back in time and immediately takes a nap. couldn't agree more.

(Rise F!Mikey) Too Lucky To Count - another future mikey goes back in time fic! (can you tell i have a niche interest?) so far, the writing is so gripping, talking about how each character died in the apocalypse. f!mike seems to have a dry, dark sense of humor from what i can tell which should prove hilarious.

-

fics on my to-read:

(Rise Mikey) Stranger Danger - rise mikey and 2012 mikey swap places! sounds like a really interesting concept.

(Rise Mikey) Portal Chaos - an au mikey (inspired by the last ronin) gets transported back in time. the author has a LOT of fun art for this one.

(2003 Mikey) Pretend That I Never Left - alternate fic where mikey is thrust into the world of horizon: zero dawn instead of reality check. i've seen the artwork and i'm excited to read this.

(2003 Raph) From Ruins - takes place in the SAINW timeline. looks exceedingly interesting, and the authors have illustrations to go with the story (can you tell i love art?)

(Rise Sunset Duo) Hold Him Tight (And Never Let Go Again) - "Mikey never realized just how much it hurt that he and Raph drifted away, until he ends up with an unconscious Raphael, trapped in a collapsing building, and unable to reach his brothers." i'm gonna cry so hard when i read this one, aren't i?

(Rise Raph) Elegy of An Older Brother - explores raph's feelings post-movie and how he's coping with no longer being leader.

(Rise Raph) Glass Heart - post movie, the others treat raph with more care after he got infected. i think it's a bunch of oneshots of raph bonding with various family members? sounds cute.

(Rise Raph) Unfavorable Ramifications - post-movie, raph dealing with the loss of his eye and getting comforted by donnie and mikey. skimmed through it and it seems in-character, like a fun read.

i'll add more whenever i come across them

[sentience-if]

Wait, I'm genuinely having trouble keeping track of the poly combos, please help me

I know Klaus/Val is one

And I know Connie/Ira is another

I? Think?? Kat isnt in any poly, or am I wrong??? Did my brain lie to me?

I know you are anti-Val/Connie (which I will go cry over in a corner about, don't mind me)

Is Klaus/Connie a poly option or did my brain lie to me x2? Because I thought that was an option but I am playing through the update (Finally, hooray, I have time in my schedule!!) and am realizing that, nope, that is not one of the options I can select(?)

Am I missing anyone else?

(btw I would love if, under the Masterpost's Read More, the poly options could be added after the ROs but before the Content Warnings or something, because I tried to use tumblr-search to find a list (and either this hellsite is still broken or there isn't one) and I skimmed through the Masterpost and I would love to not have my irl memory-loss (yes, I am just THAT much like Io, cosplayers WISH they could get as close to Io as I can 💁‍♀️💅 (what debilitating inability to shift short-term memories into long-term and then, instead, just get memory-loss somehow, what are you TALKING about)) eat up my memory of already asking this and tumblr's likely broken search-feature not be able to find this post/any other list again, a million thanks and pardons if I could request that and not accidentally bother you with the same question again in the future because I know for sure I would, like I did before sending this Ask, check the Masterpost before asking "hi, what are the Poly Options again?", I'm so sorry but thank you for hearing out my accomadation request xoxo)

fair enough I say a lot of nonsense lol. the polys are:

Val/Klaus

Ira/Connie

theres no Kat poly bc the only other character who can stand her is Ira, and I like them better as platonic

the Klaus/Connie thing you're thinking of was either from an ask of someone joking about io/klaus/val/Connie, or bc I've alluded to there being some kind of relationship in the past between klaus and guinefort

(and yeah I can make an FAQ once I'm back at my computer :^) )

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

Use Me

Gif from this post by @dunderklumpen

Summary: You'll do anything to make Dean's nightmares go away.

Warnings/Explicit 18+: Bit of smut, mostly angst, so - smangst. Nothing too crazy. Implied, future smut, nakedness, featuring Dean's mouth.

Pairings: Dean Winchester x Y/N

Word Count: 650

A/N: I saw this post, and immediately wanted to make my baby feel better. This is what floated through my head. Enjoy! 😊

The beautiful divider below and at the bottom was created by @talesmaniac89

Masterlist || Tag Lists

"Dean?" You call softly from the side of his bed. 

You know not to get too close when he's having nightmares like these, head twisting from side to side, limbs thrashing, muscles clenched tight and rigid.

"Dean?" You call again, but he's not responding; he's too lost in the horrors in his mind, and the way his beautiful face contorts in pain makes tears shimmer in your eyes.

It's been such a horrific few days for him. He finally got out of the hospital earlier that afternoon, barely healed from the physical wounds Alastair had heaped upon him.

You weren't sure he'd ever fully recover from the emotional evisceration the devil spawn had doled out to him.

Sam had been the one to tell you, Dean wouldn't even talk about it. But you knew he was blaming himself, telling himself that he was weak and pathetic for caving beneath the torture of Alastair's blade.

You'd tried to talk to him about it, but he'd silenced you with a couple harsh words and then a gentle squeeze of your hand to try and soften them.

But now he's obviously drowning in his pain, and you're desperate to end it. Or to ease it, at least.

So, with that in mind, you venture closer to the bed and reach out your hand to shake his shoulder. It takes ages of shaking him and calling his name to finally pull him out of hell again, and back to your side.

When he wakes, his bright green eyes fly open, a small dark spot marring the white part near his iris - blood vessels broken and bleeding from Alastair's fists the day before. 

But it's healing, getting smaller. His true wounds lie in the terror and hopelessness you can read easily in his verdant gaze. 

You push your fingers through the sweaty hair at his temple, trying to soothe him.

"You're okay. You're safe."

You move to sit beside him, but before you can, Dean sits up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. 

He drops his head into his hands and you can hear the way his throat catches, as though he's choking back tears. You stand in front of him and rub your hands across his wide, bent, and burdened shoulders.

"Dean." It's all you can say as tears clog your own throat.

Suddenly and feverishly, Dean wraps his arms tightly around your hips, burying his face in your belly as his shoulders shake silently.

Tears fall freely for you now as you wrap your arms around his head. "Shh." You soothe quietly. "It's okay, we're okay." You say, trying to reassure both of you. 

Dean's arms tighten even further around your hips till the embrace is almost painful.

Then he abruptly pulls away, yanking at your nightgown, pulling it up and off of you in one fluid motion. You gasp, suddenly naked - you weren't expecting this response. But when he looks up at you, his expression is desperate and pleading. 

"Please, Y/N, make me forget?" He closes his eyes tightly. "I can't forget; their faces are all piling up in my head. Give me something beautiful."

He presses his lips softly in kisses across your stomach and your breath starts coming in ragged puffs.

His fingers reach up and trail ever so gently over the rise and fall of your breasts. 

"You're so beautiful, Y/N." His right hand falls your core and he slips one finger into your damp folds, raising you onto your tiptoes with a moan. "Please, let me sink into your beautiful."

His voice is muffled against your hip as he skims his mouth over your rounded flesh.

He looks up at you from under his thick lashes and his eyes are begging.

"Please?"

Your answer is immediate and unhindered by any doubts. "Yes, I'm here for you, Dean, for whatever you need. Use me."

1 - Jensen RPF + Any/All characters Jensen plays. @lyarr24 @deans-spinster-witch @impalaslytherin @maggiegirl17 @akshi8278 @candy-coated-misery0731 @nt-multi-fandom @deanswaywardgirl @slytherinlyn314 @globetrotter28 @jensensgirl @perpetualabsurdity @tristanrosspada-ackles @djs8891 @muhahaha303 @kayyay1219 @emily-winchester @recoveringpastaaddict @maximumkillshot @mimaria420 @sacriceria @envyaurora95

2 - Dean Winchester Fics Only. @saikosheadcanons @lgranger67 @carryonwaywardgirl

3 - Any/All Fics (regardless of fandom/character.) @sunshineandwings86 @kazsrm67 @sexyvixen7 @alexxavicry @nancymcl

4 - Everything (includes fan vid/DOOL edits as well) @unabashed-lover-of-fictional-men @awkward-and-indecisive @maliburenee @supernatural4life2022 @spn730015 @b3autyfuldisast3r @kickingitwithkirk @waywardbaby @foxyjwls007 @deanwanddamons @deandreamernp @deanwithscissors @myloversgone @snowlovespie @leigh70 @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone @charred-angelwings @hopefuldreamers-world @mysherlock221b @jensensgotyoudean @stixnstripesworld @thoughts-and-funnies @magssteenkamp @norman1967 @princessmisery666 @eevvvaa @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @deepsketchsupernaturalcowboy @b-i-t-c-h-i-e @twirpbunwarrior @mysweetlittledesire @waynes-multiverse @mrsjenniferwinchester @bernasaurus @jensenslady79 @courtn92 @avanatural @ellie-andthemachine @this-is-me19 @roseblue373 @katbratsupernaturalwhore @fanfic-n-tabulous

[emupow]

UT/DR NEWSLETTER TIME!!

i woke up a little late so this is probably already common information now, but here are some things i picked up on and noticed!!

queen and rouxls ex lovers?? hello?

think that’s pretty obvious because not only had he forgot what she looks like (referencing being BLOCKED) but it'd also directed at queen. sobbing.

also lancer my unbothered king!! no assumptions from him here!!

his ass is NOT judgemental at all. love him my silly.

noelle’s card having christmas lights is adorable

noelle i love her sm <3 she’s adorable and keeping festive spirit all year round!!

those were most of the one’s i got from the valentines cards!! although i do think the anonymous letter might be reference to alphys? based on the amv mention. bc ik damn well she would be big on amvs. brightened the page up to try and see if the qr code mentioned was up anywhere but no luck :c

okay onto the interview.. not much here but obviously based on concept art clear cowboy/wild west theme which i think coincides with the. cup guy believe it or not.

dont know what it is about this cup but that FEATHER. i’m telling you it reminds me of a saloon. but then again they said concept art had deviated heavily so.. not sure. i am thinking that they gotta play wild west on that tv set or smthn right now. uwa.

i forgot to inspect element and check if the files on the interview page lead to any hints and as im posting this i am on the phone and cannot be bothered to get onto the pc!

also susie and noelle are so cute. really hope we see more development with them in the future!

that’s most of the things i picked up on. i for sure missed LOADS and i only skimmed through the code so idk if i missed any secrets,, so excited chapter 3 and 4 are in our grasp.. (hardly)

update. HOOOW DID I MISS THIS?? WHOOP IS THIS RHIS DOESNY TALK LIKE GASTER

[tiktaalic]

hi! FYI your post about "the noticer" going around made me nervous it might be about Jewish people. a lot of alt right people talk about "noticing the pattern" regarding conspiracy theories about Jewish people and call themselves noticers. normally I'd block and move on for something that read as so on the nose, but looking at your blog i guessed that wasn't your intention with the post. This is currently a hugely growing trend, using language like noticer, so I'd recommend being careful going forward, to ensure people do not think youre a weirdo antisemite. and if it WAS your intention to use that dogwhistle, fuck you

I have 200 asks in my inbox. I’ve gotten 10 asks since you sent your last message, and the ones that I have answered are ones that I happened to see when I checked my phone within a couple minutes of them being sent and could answer in one sentence flat. There wasn’t anything in your message that I felt warranted a response - no future course of action, no request for me to clarify, etc. but if you would like clarification, I was not aware that noticer/pattern were dog whistles, it was not my intention to use them as such, and I’m not an antisemite. If you’re able to skim my blog and tell that an antisemitic dog whistle isn’t in line with my beliefs, then I think it’s fairly obvious that a dog whistle is functioning as a dog whistle, which is to say if you’re attuned to it, you’ll hear it, and if you’re not, then it’s a post you make while looking at ceiling tiles and don’t think about again.

[sophieswundergarten]

Uhhh respectfully with regards to your post complaining about how Susan is said to be bad at school, please be aware that you basically saying that Susan being bad at school = they say Susan is stupid. There are LOTS of reasons why very intelligent people are bad at school. Including but not limited to learning disabilities like dyslexia, neurodivergencies like ADHD, PTSD, etc. It's ableist to equate "bad at school" to "stupid" so please just be aware of that for the future! Thanks so much! I really loved everything in that post of yours except that one thing that made me kind of uncomfortable and I thought you probably didn't know so thought I should let you know.

Thank you for your concern, Anon! I really appreciate how politely you worded this instead of outright yelling at me.

The irony of this situation is that my sibling and I actually have struggled with school over the years due to various neurodivergences/disabilities like dyslexia, dyscalculia, and OCD tendencies. And I am incredibly insecure about this!! Because I am very new to actually being a part of a community where I can talk about this stuff, and I have worked really hard to hide all of those things my whole life.

I almost went in another direction with the post, and suggested different things Susan may have struggled with, because I wholeheartedly believe she was NOT stupid. But my own anxiety took command there.

My initial idea was that the teachers and adults who were observing her from the outside wouldn't have recognized the reasons she was "no good at school". Either because they didn't have the context of what happened in Narnia, because she worked hard at hiding it because she felt the pressure to be a "good girl", or just because in that timeframe people didn't know about as much about learning disabilities!

Because the idea behind that post was about how the people in England/"our world" misunderstood Susan, and how she had to decide between playing the part people expected of her (Which may have included being pretty over smart) and choosing to be herself.

But, as I said, I chickened out and kind of skimmed over the topic. I didn't mean to imply anything, and I'm sorry for how that may have come off.

Thank you for pointing that out to me, because I hadn't realized how my own nervousness about speaking to something I deal with can come off as ableist or insensitive. The line between being honest and objective and sounding like I'm complaining or begging for attention is something I am incredibly wary of, and I don't have a lot of experience with conducting myself correctly around this topic.

Once again, I really appreciate how kindly you mentioned this and explained it to me. I will work to be aware of this and be more careful in the future.

[taegularities]

! Brief trigger: this is not exactly a rant, it’s a story time but a very long one, pls bear with me 🥲 (also my first ask so there’s that)

Been following you for a while now Rid, I’ve mostly read your standalone fics like love me better, begin, silk & stones, stars behind waves & tale of broken hearts. I consider myself as the type who likes gut wrenching angst that ends in happy ending or at least a feeling of hope at the end. These ones like you had promised, were definitely angst heavy (esp the vmin fics). I prefer not to touch long series coz I fear I might lose interest midway thru & might end up thinking I wasted lots of time reading it since it often happens that authors end up adding bunch of filler scenes in between & im one who doesn’t like that.

So for the longest time I actually ignored cmi, until the amc thing came up & the some of the questions relating to the character arcs were def intriguing for me, & I thought ‘why not just give this one a go?’ The word count for cmi looked quite scary😶 so I took inspiration from seven & tried finishing from start till the recent update within seven days (…peak stupidity LoL) & GOD THE ANGST. I couldn’t help but take a blanket over my head to tear down through the rough patches that followed in midway through the fic…literally every scene was so detailed, it almost felt like I was looking at two people I closely knew & felt sorry for to suffer the miseries of being apart because of the conflicts they’d been facing.

Even if I actually succeeded in completing the 200k wc (the fastest & longest record for me) I was able to enjoy the fic. Maybe coz you actually understand the pacing of the slow burn and wrote their arcs so carefully which allowed the reader to slowly unveil their personalities, their flaws, their growth throughout the fic. I kinda skipped the drabbles in between (i did skim through but didn’t actually focus on them alot) coz the goal was to first read through the main storyline then take my time to unwind & re-read the drabbles after. Honestly this work might be my fav one from you, or any Jungkook fic I’ve read in the entirety of this website. Just wanted to say thanks for crafting such a wonderful piece of literature for us, im thrilled to read further what lays in store for jk & oc after they talked through their differences & patched up. And after reading so much pining that went behind in the past 9(?) parts, I’d actually love only fluff and warmth for this couple (me as angst enthusiast saying this✋🙂). And yes, I’m waiting for the cmi drabble (seven mv jk cross over with cmi jk is an unimaginable menace 🫠) and future parts to be posted sooner too! This couple has my heart💛

this was your first ask?! to lil ole me? 😭 omg hope you still see this one!! i wasn't around much when you sent it, then it got buried – but today i remembered it again and wanted to say hi 🥺

first of all, tysm for reading so many of my fics, and such long ones, too!! like, lmb is a huge ass piece, so im really happy you gave it a shot and enjoyed it, too 🥺 and like, same goes for cmi. it's also so lovely to know that people try out stuff on my page that they usually wouldn't – so it melts my heart that you gave cmi a chance and grew to love it as well!! angst, ikr? me too, i could live off of it :') LOL NOT THE SEVEN DAY CHALLENGE. that's actually so amusing and sweet 🤣 i know the word count is crazy and the chapters tend to get very long, but... i know i'm repeating myself, but i'm incredibly thankful that you tuned in. if you ever want, do read through the drabbles, too, since i think they give a deeper glimpse into the characters' flaws and personalities – no pressure tho!!

once again, thank you. it means the world to me to know you loved it so much. like, fav fic? please i'll sob :'') a lot of fluff incoming (but angst too, so fret not), and i truly hope you enjoy the rest as well. drop by anytime, seriously, i'd love to talk about cmi or anything with you whenever you like!! 🥺🤍

[princessfaerygia]

ive been journalling on my facebook and some people react to it positively but it i daresay something someone finds negative , basically his best guy friend called him to complain about my post. so i won't be sharing on fb anymore. it's true im jealous, detective ish, and paranoid. but ive found so much truthful thangs thru this "detective" work on my bf. like he went on a date with shannon at TGIF the day before we broke up the day before i called cops on him for threatening to strangle me. and he had secretly behind my back been sending her money through cash app i found through snooping~sending her money behind my back secretly, more than a month before we broke up.

anyway his best guy friend called to complain about me and my bf talked so much shiz about me while im in the same room. better in the same room than privately.

also my boyfriend found out i changed his passwords to get into his facebook and email. well i told on myself of course and now from now on i am not allowed to be "super detective gia". i won't try it again but that doesn't mean i won't stop snooping and searching for the truth, our relationships truth, within the limits.

i drank a caffeinated beverage and i keep trembling. im a fragile soft weird human. i think im malnourished and still haven't been to grocery store even tho i gots food stamps. it's jus cold ❄️ and yesterday the uber was one heck of a ride they missed the grocery store and my bf got big attitude w me and i idiotically defended myself as usual.

it's idiotic to defend myself against him because it hurts the relationship. he says it's often "gia's way or the highway" but it actually quite close to the opposite.

if he tells me shut up i must shut up. I must be quiet. it's good for me i think. ive learned a lot through this relationship and darn it's been great. i mean that. optimism carries me to the feary future.

when i tell him i love him he denies it. he says i don't love him or else i would act differently. do you know how much i take care of him in small unappreciated ways? alot. i hope with all my heart he realizes i truly love him and we can be together again. lately he often tells me to leave or breaks up with me. but he told me im supposed to wait five minutes each time and be silent and don't act on it.

well last night he broke up with me in uber and i acted on it like a wild beast. i explained (embarrassing him) his abuse of me and complained. he tried telling the female driver he would give her an extra twenty but she wasn't having it and she also drove away with his favorite water bottle in stow.

we are a couple still but i currently have to be quiet and stay put. it's weird being human with other humans. my jupiter is in gemini in the 7th(love life house) i feel most happy being in a close relationship with someone interesting, intellectual, and appealing. the most comfy and at home ive felt is through relationship with another. rarely alone ive felt precisely *at home* ~meaning "comforted". in the company of jackie my ex best friend, the company of my cat flicker (r.i.p.), and the company of z my bf.

in this isolative capitalist consumerism it is so hard and tiresome to "connect"~ though very convenient simultaneously.

i wonder if my bf breaks up with me ...what will i have to write about? my daily life with family? its interestingness pales in comparison to my daily life with z. but ive always been jealous and admiring of bookish boring quiet girls.

depressing that im not bookish, but i am a philosopher and intellectual. and i am very introverted and the quieter one when surrounded by others. i try to include myself through laughing on cue or spontaneously in response..

i am interested in others lives but sometimes admittedly i scroll through ,skimming diary entries, unless it's someones writing i really have an interest in. im sorry. many times i force myself to read through so that i can better connect with the writer and emotionally n spiritually support them.

also it's kinda rare that people DO journal on here~as the law of attraction people say to keep your life private and "glow up".

i just love to type cus im faster than my boyfriend at typing we did a competition a few times. it's something im assured with. also it helps to connect and freakishly find out that some mutuals DO read my writing and DO care.

my heart is filled with love for yall. i don't know what's next for me. trepidation and strangeness awaits.

[centrally-unplanned]

I translated this entire god damn book - here is the table of contents for each chapter. Jesus was that a lot of work, I am probably not gonna do something like this again! This book was just in a very special niche at the right time.

It was an extremely fruitful and educational project, for sure - one of the reasons I set out to do it was for it to be a bit of a "crash course" in reading anime production documents and overcoming the language barrier. I upskilled a ton on specific anime vocabulary - did you know the Pokemon Seizure Episode thing was actually something of a specific animation technique, パカパカ/pakapaka? Cause I do now! - and internalizing the way animators talk about things. I feel much more confident reading primary source documents for research and such, and this was a very good, "deep end" way to learn that skill.

FLCL is also in this space where its very popular in the west, but not a big deal in Japan; it was part of the lineage of an extremely famous company, but at the end of its time; it was made while the internet was around, but before it was accessible. As such it was in that middle ground where a lot of rumor-type facts around it emerged to fill demand from western audiences, but the Japanese side of things wasn't making the mountains of documentation on it that shows like Evangelion got, that you could easily port over. I was kind of shocked at how little this book was discussed in the west - you can find endless threads on every Evangelion interview book on the right forums, but I don't think I found a single one when searching around. (At least before Hazel's video dropped).

And obviously FLCL is one of my favourite shows, and in a unique way that the book itself discusses at length. Its "the future of anime that never was", made to push ideas & aesthetics from manga & wider culture into anime that were being underrepresented in the genre. Which it succeeded at wildly as its own vision, but failed as product in a market and therefore inspired few imitators, and anime marched on. I find understanding these sort of failed attempts to open doors inherently fascinating, so documenting these sources has a lot of value.

FLCL is the failson of animes, and of course we must therefore love it.

But I now have the skills, from doing this project, I don't need to do it again. Other shows I love this much are well-documented, few fruit hang this low. And also I know what people want -virtually no one is gonna read this! I know that!! A ton of it is weird filler, for sure. I could have just skimmed this book myself, written a ~3 page highlight summary of the "good stuff", posted that, and for almost everyone that would be more payoff while I would have spent 1/20th the time. Hell Hazel did that with her video essay right in the middle of me scanning the damn thing, that obviously is gonna do better! It is almost certainly a better use of my time to aim better, be the synthesizer over the archivist. If I overcome my akrasia I might have some ideas in that department even.

And yet, I don't know man. So in the Epilogue, they discuss how none of the 'brands' that appear in FLCL are sponsorships or anything, because every object they choose has meaning:

Sadamoto: The cars that appear in the show aren't just 'cars', they're Alfa Romeos or Renaults. They're real things with brand identities. We wanted to get those objects right in "FLCL". Tsurumaki: Whether it gets across or not, I think there's a difference in character between someone who drives an Alfa Romeo and someone who drives a Corolla. Like, any given person would drive one but not the other, you know? Sadamoto: It couldn't just be any guitar, it had to be a Rickenbacker, and so on. Tsurumaki: It's like with "Lupin", where Miyazaki probably thought the thief had to drive a poor man's car. That's why Lupin drives a Fiat 500. If he drove a Mercedes, like in the source material, Miyazaki probably wouldn't have been able to love Lupin.

And sure, none of these are like core themes or character arcs or anything - but as Tsurumaki says, themes weren't the point:

Interviewer: Tsurumaki, how did you feel having rewatched the show? Tsurumaki: What I wanted to express the most was this atmosphere, you know. It's more about the ambiance, like "this is the kind of anime it is". So, when people start talking about specific themes or character arcs, I think the atmosphere tends to fall by the wayside. It is a core part of what we wanted to express.

This atmosphere comes from these little objects, all the tiny things that have intentionality behind why they are there. Even if its silly, even if its for a fucking dick joke, its still adding to the atmosphere. And you miss so many of them, not only because there are so many but because FLCL is such a product of its time & place, a foreign country & a foreign time.

There was a moment in I think Episode 4 where Tsurumaki is discussing Haruko on the baseball pitching mound, and how she looks. And he goes off on this gravure idol Kazue Fukiishi, who was the daughter of a baseball player that he had a total crush on and used as inspiration for Ninamori's design. And one time she did the ceremonial pitch for her dad's team at a game, and Tsurumaki just adored how good she looked in her modified uniform, and he pulled that for Haruko's look. And Kazue is cute in a very of-the-time way, the "spunky tomboy" aesthetic; the way all celebrities are, they both take from and define the aesthetics of eras. And Haruko, being a fucking gremlin, is like a funhouse mirror version of it - its almost like commentary.

And I actually found a picture, of that pitch, of how Kazue Fikiishi looked. Someone ~7 years ago tweeted out some captures of a broadcast from ~20 years of a nothing game featuring a forgotten softcore porn star which formed the basis for this weird little aesthetic obsession Tsurumaki wanted to play with in the outfit design for the opening scene in the fourth episode of a 6-episode OVA. And I totally see it! I see what he is going for now.

Never in a million years would I have found that picture if I was "scanning the book to write a 3 page summary". That is the level of detail that only comes from being way-too-obsessed with something, of doing something without purpose or efficiency, to have completely lost the plot on why you are even here. And FLCL is just this weird little thing where that...pays off? It actually has that level of detail put into it. Most things have something that like, but not at this density. That is something I "believed" before about FLCL, but it was by like, rep. I trusted it to be true. Now I know its true. Its knowledge I earned the only way you can; through irreplaceable time.

Which obviously I should have spent like idk advancing my career or something!! But even if the return is infinitesimal, it isn't zero - I got something for all the stupid time spent. Hopefully if you do read any of the book you will get a little bit of that too. If you love FLCL, maybe deepening your own dumb little obsession will now cost you a little less time than it did me.

ANYWAY, I may try at some point to assemble this all into a PDF, with a cleaner presentation. Might not, might be too much work; but making an ebook would be a good skill to have - certainly as good a test case for learning as any. Thanks for reading!

FLCLick Noise - Archival Scan

We should be a go!

[Internet Archive Link]

FLCLick Noise is a book published in 2010 that is a deep dive into the production of and creative influences that went into the 2000 anime FLCL by Studio GAINAX. Framed as a conversation between FLCL director and series lead Kazuya Tsurumaki, and FLCL character designer Yoshiyuki Sadamoto, the two creatives watch the show together and record their thoughts episode-by-episode, alongside a prologue and a “bonus track”. It is in Japanese, with primarily text and screenshots from the show for use as conversational reference, though there is some art as well (almost all of which is available elsewhere).

FLCL is pretty infamous as a show for its free-wheeling compositional style and loose production process; everyone involved was able to throw in visual ideas, dialogue, plot concepts, and so on. Additionally, FLCL slots pretty clearly into GAINAX’s “Otaku commentary” oeuvre - it is very much anime, *extremely* anime, it would be ludicrous to suggest otherwise; but in addition to being anime it was also a vehicle for the creative team to put in ideas and influences that they believed the anime industry was not utilizing at the time, such as its rock-album concept soundtrack or its josei/seinen manga inspired-character designs.

It is this backdrop that makes a book like FLCLick Noise simultaneously more valuable for understanding FLCL than most other shows, and even possible to exist in the first place. Much of it is fun asides, many of the creative decisions are personal whims, but there is so much to those whims that it is worth reading a book about them. If you want to answer the question “why does FLCL exist the way that it does”, this book will answer that question in more detail than any other source will.

Alas this is a complex and large book - I will aim to translate it someday, but I cannot guarantee neither the timeline nor the quality of that translation as I am by no means a professional in that regard. If you want to get a sample of what the book contains, anime-youtuber-extraordinaire Hazel quasi-coincidentally just released a video essay on FLCL that has an entire section on this book and its contents (I learned of this book from her tweeting about it during research for the video, so the timeline is not pure kismet). If you want the highlights and so much more, it is an amazing video. Meanwhile, I do hope to post a “raw text” version of the different sections somewhat soon, to assist those who do want to read it themselves and would find that would help with the translation.

As always, I hope this is a valuable addition to the ‘akashic record’ of 90’s-era anime history, and gives something special to the FLCL-heads out there like me.

(I'll tag @flclarchives for the two-for-one this week, if they don't mind! And I apologize for the scan quality here - I wanted to do it non-destructively, as this is not a large print run book, which meant my typical flatbed was a no go and the new overhead setup I used was a comedy of errors. Fortunately this is a book about reading text, and despite the errors it's all perfectly readable.)

[westofwonder]

Pull List (09/06/2023)

Birds of Prey #1 Blue Beetle #1 Fantastic Four #11 Fire & Ice: Welcome to Smallville #1 Ghost Rider/Wolverine: Weapons of Vengeance Omega #1 Immortal X-Men #15 Justice Society of America #6 Moon Knight #27 Poison Ivy #14 Shazam #3 Steelworks #4

Birds of Prey - I am excited to see a Birds of Prey ongoing even if it has to deal with the Harley Quinn of it all. Not too enthused she's here, but nobody said this team is permanent; I mean it's a given on how comics are made now but still - doesn't mean permanent. And I thought Zealot originally was going to be a hard sell. I do think Romero is what is going to sell this book, too. And I do think Thompson can deliver, but still a bit anxious on how "funny" characters are gonna come off as being. And if that's my only worry, I think we are in good hands. Full steam ahead!

Blue Beetle - Glance through the issue and I am liking what I am seeing. Jaime being in college makes me feel so old. I liked the movie and I want Blue Beetle things to succeed and be good. I am on board.

Fantastic Four - Need to catch up, but most of it seems solid. When I read multiple issues in the future in one sitting it isn't going to aggravate me like the Sl*tt run

Fire & Ice - I saw someone say something derisive about this comic, but that'll be hard to say until I read it. Gave me a conniption, too. I have little knowledge about these characters other than frequent background appearances and they were on JLI. JLI: a run I think get's overhyped. I can change my mind though. I mean - this run is called Welcome to Smallville - it's not going to break the bank. DC is doing this miniseries to see if there is any interest in characters like Fire & Ice. If it's good - that great. If it's not good - it'll be remembered sparingly. I'm hoping for good.

Ghost Rider/Wolverine - This event did exactly what it needed to do. I would buy and read it again.

Immortal X-Men - SELENE! Like FF, I need to catch up.

JSA - I was listening to a podcast talking about last issue, and certain things were brought up about characterization and plots. I think Johns is just wasting our time, and that's not him just trying to introduce a new (Prime Earth) Helena Wayne. If I remember to, I'll make a separate post about it. I'm always mellow on this series and I don't look forward to it like I want to. I am putting more into trying to like it than I should.

Moon Knight - That cover is so generic and I never comment on how covers are. Ramping up to be the end soon, wonder that'll mean.

Poison Ivy - Skimmed through, thought the Bloom guy was going to be in it. Glad Takara is still sticking around on interiors - gives this book a consistent look.

Shazam - I completely forgot I read issue number two because that was two months ago. Like what's happening here so far. Sanchez on colors is a nice difference from what Bonvillain is doing on World's Finest. They're both good and add to Mora's art. Thumbs up.

Steelworks - Glad Steel and family got the focus. I hope DC keeps pushing him and giving him a spotlight.

Had more to say this week - thought about more than I usually do. I do have more to say about JSA, but then nothing really at all. Would be nice if it was about the JSA and not a way for Johns to introduce a new Huntress. I said this above, but this needs repeating. The dude took forever in a twelve-issue maxiseries.

If I see Detective Chimp I'm going to yell!

Happy readings!