#talking about how i edited out all the typos from my fic. no one is gonna believe me oh my god kelly get it together

[snorlaxlovesme]

okay i just went through and edited out (HOPEFULLY) most of the typos in my DeathStar fic for chibiverb a few months ago. so if you're interested in the manga dynamic between Kid and Black Star and are obsessed with the Salvage Arc like we all were in 2014 i highly recommend checking it out

(it's a role reversal au where Black Star is captured instead of Kid)(it's very good tbh)

(also if you do read it you are contractually obligated to look at my partners' art linked in the Author's Note and heap praise upon them bc they are fabulous and so is their art)

[chahnniesroom]

some loves

pairing: bang chan x female reader

summary: some loves are too hard to bear. years after being trainees together, chan still thinks of you all the time. he has no idea that a collaboration would lead him back to you.

word count: 6.9k

tags/warnings: reader is an independent singer/songwriter, hurt/comfort, angst, mentions of past injuries, a little bit of jealousy, i am still in denial that chan doesn't do lives anymore, hongjoong from ateez is in this fic

read it on ao3 | masterlist

a/n: once again, sorry for the long time between posts. disclaimer that i do not know much about how the music/idol industry works and i did not really do much research. also i'm not an atiny so sorry if my portrayal of hongjoong is not realistic at all. also also i did a lot of the writing on a new tablet doing handwriting with a stylus to text so please forgive any typos or weird formatting! i didn't have a chance to edit much so i may have missed some things.

Chan’s in his studio when he gets the call. At first, he doesn’t even realise his phone is ringing. It’s 2am on a weekday and he’s been working away for a few hours so the rest of the world has just about faded into the background.

He’s both surprised and intrigued when he looks at the caller ID and sees Hongjoong’s name. Chan would consider Hongjoong to be a friend, but they’re not particularly close and he can’t think of a reason that would warrant this late night call.

“Hey hyung,” Hongjoong greets him briefly before getting straight to the point. “What’s your schedule like in the next few months?”

“It’s actually not too bad,” Chan replies after a moment of thought. “We’re just finalising all the music for the next album so it’ll be a bit of time before we get busy with recording and filming for the comeback. What’s up?”

“You don’t have the answer now and I don’t want you to feel any pressure at all, but would you be interested in doing a collab together?”

“A collab?” Chan repeats. “Like, ATEEZ and Stray Kids?”

“We could,” Hongjoong says reluctantly. “But actually, if you’re up for it then I was thinking more like just you and me. I have a couple tracks that we could work off of and I’ve roped in someone to help me with recording, engineering, and production.”

“Who?” Chan asks, interest piqued.

“Not sure if you’ve heard of them, they go by the name HALLA.”

Chan recognises the name instantly. When Chan had first stumbled upon HALLA one late night scrolling and listening to different independent artists, they seemed relatively unknown. However, a little research revealed that they had KOMCA credits on a number of songs for idol groups, some of which had become widely popular. Their personal work was a variety of genres and a majority of the tracks didn’t have vocals, but the ones that did had clever or thoughtful lyrics. There were a couple of different voices featured in the original songs, both of which were smooth and melodic. HALLA has a style that Chan thinks would complement Stray Kids and he’s considered reaching out to them a few times, but was always held back by something.

There was little about HALLA posted on the internet and while Chan definitely appreciates their privacy, he’s curious to meet the person behind all the songs that he enjoyed. There’s just something familiar about all their music that he can’t quite place, something that he wants more of.

“I’m in,” Chan agrees.

“You can take some time to think about it, talk to JYPE to see what their thoughts are too.”

“No need, I’m interested and I know I can convince management to support this.”

“Well that was easy,” Hongjoong says and Chan can basically hear him grinning through the phone. “And for my own pride, I’m going to pretend that you said yes the second I suggested the collab instead of when I mentioned HALLA-ssi.” Chan instantly flushes and is glad that Hongjoong can’t see him over the phone.

“It wasn’t-” Chan begins to protest.

“It’s okay,” Hongjoong interrupts. “I’m also pretty thrilled to get to work with them, so I understand. Didn’t realise you were familiar with their work, but I guess a hidden gem like them can’t stay hidden for long. I’ll send some files over to you and we can organise a time to work.”

—

Chan finds it easy to work with Hongjoong and they make quick progress on the song, writing lyrics and creating a guide within a couple of weeks. Before he knows it, they’ve scheduled a time for Chan to visit KQ Entertainment to record vocals. Hongjoong knows that Chan is keen to be involved in the production and arrangement of the song too, so they also have a couple sessions booked for that, although Hongjoong teases him relentlessly about just wanting to work with HALLA. The worst part is that Chan can’t even deny it.

Hongjoong meets him at the entrance of KQ Entertainment and quickly takes him through security.

“HALLA-ssi is already in the studio,” Hongjoong explains as they wait for the elevator to arrive. “I was getting input on a track that’s been killing me for the past few days.”

“Did they help?” Chan asks, a little surprised that HALLA is involved in more than just this collaboration. He still hasn't had a chance to connect with them other than quick introductions through text a couple of days ago and he's just as excited to meet them as initially.

“Yeah!” Hongjoong grins, eyes curving into little crescents. “HALLA-ssi is amazing. She only had listen to it a couple times before she came up with suggestions on a few different ways to fix the part that I hated. I left her to finish cleaning the song up and then it’s basically ready for review.”

“How did you start working with HALLA-ssi? I’ve been meaning to try to connect with her.”

“It was actually a friend that suggested working with her. For someone who isn’t signed with a label- which I don’t know how nobody has signed her yet- she’s surprisingly well connected within the industry. I’m sure that KQ would be more than happy to have her work with us, but when I hinted at that, she didn’t seem interested.”

“Really?” Although KQ Entertainment is still one of the smaller companies in the industry, most unsigned artists would still jump at the chance to work there since they have a good reputation, especially due to ATEEZ’s popularity.

“I haven’t poked too much, it’s not really my business. I thought I might as well try. I just know that she’s amazing at her job and I’m grateful that I get to work with her at all.”

They turn the corner to the hallway that leads to the recording studio. The door is ajar and Hongjoong opens it, waving his arm forward to allow Chan to walk through first, before following closely behind.

HALLA’s sitting at the desk and the second Chan sees her face, he stops in his tracks.

“Y/n,” Chan breathes.

You look up, startled, and your eyes connect for a split second before Hongjoong crashes into Chan, sending them both tumbling to the ground.

“Hyung,” Hongjoong complains, unaware of Chan’s inner turmoil. “Why’d you stop?”

Chan lets out an apologetic wheeze from where he’s now trapped under Hongjoong, before resting his forehead against the ground. He needs a second to recover.

It feels like a punch to the gut to see you in front of the recording studio’s computer, fiddling with a track. You look different, but somehow it feels like Chan has been transported right back to his trainee days and all that time that the two of you had spent side by side.

It has been years since Chan last saw you. He had found out that you had left JYPE just months after Stray Kids officially debuted, but all efforts to track you down had been futile. You had changed your number and broken contact with all the other trainees. He had asked around a little bit, but everyone he talked to had been unusually cagey about the subject.

Suddenly, everything makes more sense, especially the little that he knows about HALLA.

As trainees, Chan’s favourite moments had been when you had regaled him with stories of growing up on Jeju Island. The two of you had connected early on through your shared love of the ocean. You had promised him that if he ever went to visit in his free time, you would take him on the best trails up to the Hallasan, the shield volcano, and show him incredible views from the highest point on the island. Occasionally, your parents would send you care packages and the two of you would open them hidden away in one of the vocal practice rooms, the sweet citrus of hallabong exploding in your mouths.

You had always spoken about Jeju Island so fondly, of course you would find a way to indirectly pay homage through the stage name that you chose.

“Oppa,” your voice rings out in the silence of the room. Now, Chan knows why the female voice on some of HALLA’s songs had always seemed hauntingly familiar. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” both Chan and Hongjoong say at the same time, then make eye contact with identical confused expressions.

“Hongjoong-ssi, you didn’t mention that the person you wanted to feature on the track was Channie-oppa,” you say, making it clear who you were addressing your concern to earlier.

“It was supposed to be a surprise!” Hongjoong gets up slowly, dusting off his clothes and scratching at the back of his head, still looking bewildered. “I had no idea that you two knew each other, hyung mentioned he hadn’t worked with you before.”

Chan stays quiet, not sure how much you’re willing to share. Hongjoong must not know about your time with JYPE if he can’t piece together how the two of you could have met.

“Oh- I used to- We trained together back in the day,” you explain sheepishly. “I was with JYPE for a little while and all the trainees knew who Channie-oppa was. That was a long time ago though, I didn’t use the name HALLA back then.”

The five years that you trained at JYPE are more than a little while, but Chan forces himself to bite his tongue at your deliberate understatement. You don’t elaborate further and while it’s obvious that Hongjoong isn’t satisfied with your answer, he’s willing to drop the topic for now. You look relieved when he switches the subject to the song.

The three of you finish recording quickly. It shouldn’t be a surprise, the work so far with Hongjoong has been smooth so adding you to the mix has just made things easier, but Chan knows he’s a perfectionist and it often takes him an almost embarrassing number of takes before he’s satisfied. The only delay comes when Hongjoong decides he wants you to sing some of the backing vocals and resorts to actually getting on his knees and begging. Chan doesn’t go so far, but he can’t help but agree that your voice blends with the song perfectly. Of course, he also just wants to hear you sing.

You relent when Chan quietly voices his agreement and it really shouldn't make Chan feel as smug as it does.

It’s not even early enough for dinner when things are wrapped up. Chan is usually eager to finish a schedule early, but he’s reluctant to leave, taking his time packing up his belongings.

Finally, he doesn’t have a reason to stay any longer so he musters up the courage to ask.

“Do you guys want to go grab some coffee or something to eat?”

You and Hongjoong make eye contact before turning to look at Chan guiltily. His stomach churns for some reason.

“I’m sorry,” you wince. “I actually promised to help Hongjoong-ssi with an ATEEZ song and we need to go over the edits that I made before his meeting with the company later today.”

“Oh,” Chan replies, feeling a little relieved. “Right, no yeah I get it. Hongjoong actually mentioned that earlier, but I forgot. My bad.”

You offer an apologetic smile before turning to the computer, opening up a file.

“I’ll see you guys next time, then,” Chan says, starting to back out of the room.

“Of course! Thank you for your hard work and good job today!” you say brightly. Looking distracted, Hongjoong mumbles an agreement and waves goodbye. Unlike you, he’s not staring at the computer monitor though. Instead, his focus is solely on you. Even from his side profile, Chan can tell that he’s enamoured.

Honestly, Chan can’t really blame him, you look comfortable and confident, swallowed up in an oversized hoodie as you start explaining the alterations that you made to the track. Your voice is calm, but warm and you’re careful to start off by complimenting the work that Hongjoong had done previously.

Chan leaves, resolutely ignoring the twisted feeling that’s back with a vengeance and any thoughts of what the cause might be.

—

Chan can’t sleep. His thoughts are all about you, what you’ve been doing the past few years, what happened to you at JYPE that made you leave, and mostly trying to remember how and why your relationship with him slowly fell apart.

That’s the hardest part. In the darkest time of his life, when Chan had been discouraged and disheartened, you had joined JYPE with a brightness and enthusiasm that gave Chan the motivation to continue being a trainee. He had adored you. He still does.

In those last few months before the survival show had been filmed, Chan’s relationship with you had gone from being everything to nothing. It happened in the blink of an eye, and Chan had never understood what caused you to withdraw so quickly and thoroughly. The two of you had gone from spending almost all of your free time together to you avoiding him at the company, pretending not to hear when he called out your name or tried to get your attention.

The regret of letting you slip away has always eaten away at him, but now more than ever.

Of course, at the time it hadn’t felt so simple. The survival show was Chan’s first serious chance to debut, and not just that, but the weight of having eight other people’s careers depending on his leadership took a toll on all his other relationships. Your absence in his life still hurt, but Chan had lots of practice losing people. He had coped in the way that worked best in the past, throwing himself headlong into producing, training, anything to keep himself from wallowing in his feelings.

Chan doesn’t have any schedules for today, but he still heads to the company. He knows this isn’t the healthiest way to deal with things, but he doesn’t know anything else.

When he arrives, Chan just barely manages to catch a glimpse of a few familiar faces. He calls out before he can think better of it, jogging slightly to catch up. Sana, Momo, and Mina watch curiously as he approaches. He knows that Twice also aren’t in a busy period of the year, so he doesn’t feel guilty delaying them.

“Sorry to bother you all. Sana-noona, I was just wondering if we could chat?”

Sana makes brief eye contact with the rest of the girls before agreeing and waving them to go ahead of her. She follows behind Chan as he leads them into his studio, clearly interested in determining the reason behind this atypical meet up.

“What’s up, Channie?” she asks once the door is closed behind them.

Chan tries to think of the best way to start, not wanting to just outright ask, but not knowing how to subtly steer the conversation into the right direction. Finally, he abandons trying to be casual and just blurts out, “Do you remember Y/n?”

“Of course I do,” Sana says, sounding amused at the sudden mention of you. “You both had reputations for being veteran trainees. I mean, other than Jihyo.”

“I was always surprised that she never debuted,” Chan admits. “I just thought it would happen eventually and I was so shocked to find out that she had left. I didn’t- I don’t understand why she gave up on something she wanted so badly.”

“Give up?” Sana asks, sounding like she’s offended on your behalf. “Why would you say it like that?”

“What do you mean? It was like she was there one day and gone the next, I just assumed that she had enough and quit. Nobody seemed to know anything about it. I never found out why and it’s been kind of killing me.”

“You didn’t hear what happened?”

“What- something happened? To her?” Chan swallows hard, suddenly feeling unwell.

“It- I thought that you of all people would know-”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, but- you never talked to her about it? You knew her better than any of us.”

“Noona, I didn’t know that she was gone until months later. She obviously didn’t want to talk about it to me, I never reached out at first. When I finally did, her number had been changed. What was I supposed to do?”

“I- It’s better if you were to hear it from her. I don’t know the full story and you know how things can be distorted through gossip. And you especially must know how dangerous that can be.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You really have no clue? The two of you were inseparable…”

“Please,” Chan pleads.

“You know how it is in the industry, you were so close, of course there were rumours…”

It suddenly clicks.

“But we were just friends! And the dating ban-”

“Chan, you know nobody actually sticks to those, right?”

“But really, we were never-”

“I believe you,” Sana says, carefully. “But you know that to management that it doesn’t really matter whether or not anything was actually going on. To them it’s all about the optics. A perceived relationship is just as dangerous as an actual one.”

“Management…” Chan repeats, his mind racing. “They never mentioned anything to me though.”

“You never found it suspicious? You two are extremely close and out of the blue she suddenly stops talking to you, then right after the two of you stop hanging out, you’re chosen for the survival show? Someone must have talked to her at some point. Maybe not management, but for sure someone.”

“You think that’s why it took so long for me to debut?” Chan asks, even though he already knows the answer.

“It was a liability,” Sana explains. “To have a dating scandal so early on? Neither of your careers would survive. It’s painful and a terrible part of the industry but it’s true.”

“And.. Why she left, you know about that too?” Chan pleads.

“I think I’ve said too much already. I know that it’s hard, but some things are really personal.” She pauses for a moment. “What brought this on, anyway? You haven’t mentioned Y/nnie in years.”

“I can’t say much, but I- I saw her today, got to talk to her, found out what she’s been up to.” Sana gasps. Chan continues. “It was so weird to see her after so long. In the back of my mind, I had always wondered, but…”

“I’m glad that you two got to reconnect,” Sana says gently. “The two of you cared about each other a lot, that much was obvious. Talk to her, I think at the very least you’ll be able to find peace about what happened.”

“Noona-” Chan reaches out and pulls Sana into a tight hug. “Thank you for telling me. I appreciate it.”

“Of course. I’m sorry that it took so long for you to find out.”

—

A few days later, Hongjoong schedules another session to work on the song. Leading up to it, Chan is both looking forward to it and nervous, not sure what to expect. Although he still really wants to know what happened to you all those years ago, he’s scared about what he might learn and any part he might have had in it.

After a sleepless night, he ends up arriving almost 15 minutes early. This time, Hongjoong isn’t waiting at the building’s entrance. Instead he had let him know a few days before that Chan could just sign himself in and had sent him the name and location of the studio that was booked. When Chan reaches it, he can make out conversation from inside.

“HALLA,” Hongjoong can be heard through the studio doors, which aren’t fully shut. His tone is petulant and much more casual than it was previously. Chan wonders how much time the two of you have spent together between then and now and he almost misses the next thing that Hongjoong says. “You never told me that you were a trainee before.”

That stops Chan in his tracks, interested in how you’ll respond.

“It was a long time ago.” Your voice is faint. You’re still nice, but Chan can tell that your voice is stiffer than usual. “It doesn’t really matter now.”

This time, Hongjoong doesn’t let it go.

“What happened?” he prods.

“Just drop it,” you warn him. “It’s the past, forget I told you in the first place. Nothing ever came of it anyway.”

“Y/n-” Hongjoong changes tactics, the nagging tone replaced with a quieter, more serious one. You sigh.

“It didn’t work out. Obviously. I’m just not idol material.”

“Oh come on, I don’t believe that for a second. Your producing is good enough that I know for sure you’ve been getting offers to work with more companies than just KQ. When you direct during recording, you can hit every note without any warm up or practice. And I’ve heard your original songs, you must have been considered for both the position of lead rapper and lead singer as a trainee because there’s no way that anybody would let your talent go to waste.” Hongjoong is breathing hard by the end of his rant and Chan can see that this is something that has been bothering him for a while.

“It’s okay, Hongjoong-oppa.” Your voice is gentle, like you’re trying to comfort him. “I’m happy with what I have right now. Really. I’m grateful for all the freedom I have. Getting to work on any project I want and experiment with my music without having to deal with the bureaucracy and politics of the industry? Having that independence is precious to me. I wanted to be an idol for a long long time. But even though that specific plan I had didn’t work out, it doesn’t mean I’m not happy with what I’m doing.”

Hongjoong stays quiet for a while.

“Do you think that if you had the opportunity to debut as an idol now, you would?” he finally asks.

“Oppa, it’s not possible. I can’t dance, I’m too old-” you protest.

“No no, just hypothetically. Like if someone walked into the room and handed you a contract and said that if you signed it in an hour then you’d be able to debut.”

“I- I don’t know.”

“What’s your gut feeling?”

“I think I left that dream behind, I don’t know if I want to go down that path again. I don’t think I have it in me.”

“I’m sorry,” Hongjoong says after another pause. “I shouldn’t have questioned you so much, you shouldn’t have to justify your decisions to me.”

“No, it’s fine. It seems strange, right? For me to be an artist in Seoul and not want to get signed, it's only natural for you to be curious. But I learned a lot when I was a trainee and I learned even more after that and I can say with certainty that this is what I want.”

Chan takes that opportunity to knock on the studio door and push it open.

“Hey, hope I’m not interrupting,” he says, as if he wasn’t just eavesdropping on their conversation and purposely chose when to cut in. “Sorry, I’m a little bit late.”

“Hey, no problem man,” Hongjoong says. “We haven’t had a chance to do anything yet, so you’re right on time.”

“Good to see you,” you chime in. “I think this should be pretty quick so let’s get started!”

As you predicted, it doesn’t take long before a majority of the song is finished. Normally, Chan would be keen to stay involved until the very last detail is finalised, but he trusts you and at the end of this day, it’s Hongjoong’s song so he’s happy to give him the final say.

At the end of the session, Chan once again uses the opportunity to try to catch you alone. The two of you are side by side, packing your bags and Chan asks if you have any plans for the rest of the day. You confirm that you're available and Chan is about to suggest that the two of you take the time to catch up when Hongjoong interrupts.

“Oh, Y/n-ah,” he says. “I was actually hoping to get your input on something and I didn’t have a chance to ask you earlier. Can you please stick around for a bit? Sorry, hyung.”

Hongjoong sounds so sincere that Chan almost doesn’t feel annoyed that he’s stealing all of your time and attention. Almost, because at the end of the day, Chan’s only human. Even though he knows he has no right to feel possessive over you, he can’t stop the petty jealousy that bubbles up inside of him. At this point, there’s no denying the emotion.

Just like the previous session, he leaves alone, heading directly to the studio. Hours later, his breath catches when he checks his phone and sees that you’ve texted him.

[Received - 8:04pm]

Channie-oppa~

[Received - 8:04pm]

This is Y/nnie

[Received - 8:05pm]

Sorry about earlier, I have a contract with KQ Entertainment and work comes first :/

[Received - 8:09pm]

But I’m free now! You still interested in catching up?

Chan stares at the messages until it feels like they’re burned into his retinas. Logically, he knew that you had his number, the two of you were in a group chat that Hongjoong had set up, but this was your first time messaging him privately. The first time you had reached out in years. A precious opportunity that he never thought that he would have. He doesn’t want to mess this up.

He’s also shocked to see you texting so casually. Although the two of you have been comfortable in person, he wasn’t sure that it would translate to one-on-one conversation.

[Sent - 8:10pm]

Hey Y/n!

[Sent - 8:11pm]

No worries at all, I understand. I’m the same way too

[Sent - 8:13pm]

I still wanna meet up… but I’m all the way back in Gangdong-gu 😅 It’d be a bit of a trek for you if you're still at KQ

[Received - 8:13pm]

Gangdong-gu?

[Received - 8:14pm]

Ohh JYPE

[Received - 8:14pm]

My bad, forgot that you guys moved

[Sent - 8:15pm]

Yeahhh

[Sent - 8:15pm]

Headed straight back to the company after we were done, sorry

[Received - 8:18pm]

Well… If you’re willing to wait then I don’t mind. KQ is close to a metro station anyway

[Sent - 8:18pm]

Wait, really?

[Sent - 8:18pm]

No no no, don’t take the subway

[Sent - 8:18pm]

I’ll send a driver. They’re gonna pick you up in 20 min

[Received - 8:19pm]

Wowow

[Received - 8:19pm]

Private driver?

[Received - 8:20pm]

You’re a real superstar now haha

[Sent - 8:21pm]

alsfjshkafs noooooooo

[Sent - 8:21pm]

It’s just faster

[Sent - 8:21pm]

and safer

[Received - 8:22pm]

I’m not complaining

[Received - 8:22pm]

but I’m going to get your autograph when I see you

[Received - 8:23pm]

If I sell it then I can probably afford my own private driver 🤭

[Sent - 8:24pm]

Knew it

[Sent - 8:25pm]

You’re just using me for my fame

[Received - 8:26pm]

Ah you got me this time

[Received - 8:26pm]

*Your fame, your talent, and your good looks

[Received - 8:27pm]

Even tho you were the one that said you wanted to meet up

[Received - 8:27pm]

Hmmm maybe you’re the one using me?

Chan listens to his phone as it continues to vibrate from where it’s lodged in between two of the couch cushions after he threw it across to the opposite side of the room. His face is buried in his hands and flaming red. He feels both giddy and terribly embarrassed.

Chan’s no stranger to flirting, he’s experienced his fair share being on either side through interactions with the members and with Stay, but he forgot how flustered he was being on the receiving end of your teasing. The part he never understood is that your playful tone always gave way to sincerity. Even when the two of you would joke around, he could always tell that you meant every comment that you made about Chan being talented or attractive and that flattered him almost as much as it baffled him.

[Received - 8:32pm]

?? Speechless that I caught on?

[Received - 8:36pm]

I think your driver has arrived… Otherwise I’m being kidnapped

[Received - 8:40pm]

Don’t think I would survive a horror film… I got into the car with no questions asked

[Received - 8:42pm]

It was nice knowing you I guess

When he realises how much time has passed, Chan grabs his phone and runs down to the back entrance of the company. Luckily you haven’t arrived yet and he takes the time to reply to your messages.

[Sent - 8:53pm]

Sorry, lost track of time

[Sent - 8:53pm]

They’ll drop you off at the back door, I’ll meet you there so you don’t have to get signed in or anything

[Received - 8:54pm]

Don’t think you’re getting away with ignoring my other texts

[Received - 8:55pm]

But thanks

[Received - 8:55pm]

Is this back door, the famous one that only allows in authorised people?

[Received - 8:55pm]

I’m honoured

Chan rolls his eyes at your cheesy reference and is in the middle of typing up a response when he sees the car pull up. You step out cautiously, then brighten when you see where Chan’s propping up the door.

“Hey,” Chan greets you. “Glad that you made it safely.”

“Thanks for the ride,” you say, looking around curiously as Chan leads you to an elevator that takes you to the rest of the building. “So this is the new and improved JYP Entertainment. I’d say that it looks the same as before, but I never got the chance to come in.”

“Yeah,” Chan says, rubbing a hand against the back of his neck as he walks. “I mean it’s pretty nice, but at the end of the day a practice room is a practice room and that’s where we spend most of our time.”

“Hmm I think we might have to agree to disagree on that one. You have your own studio don’t you?”

“Ah, kind of. It’s technically a shared one, but practically I’m the only one that uses it unless we’re out of the country for a long time,” Chan confirms.

“Seems a lot better than what we used to have! Do you remember when we used to cram ourselves into that tiny room that barely even fit two chairs and a table?”

“I almost forgot about that, it was so terrible! In the summer it would get so hot that we’d keep the door open-”

“And then someone would come yell at us because we’d be playing music too loud-”

“I remember begging management to install a portable air conditioner on multiple occasions, but they always refused.”

“Of course! Even if they weren’t so stingy, there weren’t any windows leading outside in there, how could they install it?”

“Is that why? I always thought they just wanted us to suffer.”

“That too,” you giggle for a moment, before your smile fades. “But they weren’t totally unreasonable. Management has a different perspective than us, sometimes they know better than us because of their understanding of the industry. They can see things that we don’t.”

It’s clear that you’re no longer talking about air conditioning anymore. A lump seems to have formed in Chan’s throat when he recalls his conversation with Sana. Luckily, the two of you have just arrived and Chan forces himself to smile.

“We’re here,” he says, opening the door and motioning for you to enter ahead of him. “Welcome to Channie’s Room!”

“It’s cute!” you say as you step in. “Very… neat. It’s actually more spacious than it looks.”

“Oh,” Chan says, faltering in his steps for a second. “You- you’ve seen my studio?”

“In case you didn’t realise, you go live every week from said studio. I think at this point everyone in the K-pop industry and every K-pop fan has seen it,” you tease.

“Right, yeah. I didn’t- I wasn’t sure how much you kept up with that kind of stuff,” Chan stammers.

“K-pop or do you mean specifically Stray Kids?” you ask, tilting your head slightly.

“Either I guess," Chan shrugs.

"I will admit that it took me a while to get back into it," you say slowly. "I wasn't... in the best mindset after I left." Chan stays quiet, sensing that you're not quite finished. "I know that I disappeared and I am sorry for not reaching out. I wanted to, but I also didn't know how. I know that I hurt you. That it was cruel to avoid you, not reply to your messages, ignore your calls. I had my reasons why, but it doesn't excuse the pain that I caused, and I'm sorry for that too."

“I think,” Chan swallows hard. “I think that the most difficult part was that for the longest time, I didn’t know why. I didn’t know what I did wrong. I asked Sana about it finally, after I saw you again. And I just felt so stupid to realise that it was obvious to everyone except me."

“I’m sorry,” you say again. “I wanted to tell you, of course I wanted to. But I also knew you. If I had told you that us being together was preventing your debut-”

“I wouldn’t have cared,” Chan finishes your sentence for you, starting to understand. “I would have done anything to keep you by my side.”

"Even if it meant throwing away your career," you say softly. "I couldn't let you do that to yourself. You worked so hard, how could I live with being the reason that you were stuck in the training rooms? You belong on stage, making music.”

"The part that I still don’t get though is why you left? You should have been able to debut as well, I know it."

“Ah,” you say wistfully. You look around and grab onto the pillow that’s on the couch beside you, fidgeting with it as you figure out what to say next. “You know, I actually was supposed to debut.”

“What? How come I never heard about it?” Chan feels a pang in his chest. All these years ago, the two of you had promised that the other would be the first person that they would tell if they ever found out that they had the chance to debut. It seemed that neither of them had kept their promise.

“It was supposed to be a secret project. JYP wanted to see how successful a surprise debut announcement would be. You should have seen the NDAs that they made us sign.” You shake your head, letting out a huff of air. “It turned out to be a good decision because it meant they could cancel it without anyone knowing that we existed in the first place.”

"Who was in the group?" Chan asks.

"There were five of us. I think you know all of them, Sumin, Ryujin, Sojin, and Hyowon," you list. You're right, Chan is either familiar with or has heard of all the girls that you mention. It doesn't make sense though, the group was filled with talented individuals and Chan can't think of any reason strong enough to lead to disbandment. Even more baffling is that of the five of you, only Ryujin ended up staying at the company long enough to join the lineup for another group.

"And they just cancelled it out of nowhere?"

“No... It was- I know that for any idol, preparing for debut is tough, but I think that in some ways, it’s especially brutal for the girl groups," you say instead. Chan doesn't question you further, knowing that you must have a point that you're trying to make.

“How so?” Chan has an idea, he’s seen what the female trainees went through, the differences in how they were evaluated and criticised. But he wants to hear it from you, wants to understand what you’ve been through.

“The visual aspect feels like it’s more heavily emphasised than our talent or skills. We were measured for our music video outfits the second they finalised the concept. It was really early on, but at the time I thought it was so exciting and fun that I didn’t question it. I think that all of us were so thrilled by the thought of debuting that we didn't think anything of it. We did our final fittings for it a few weeks before filming and they had made them all a size too small, everything was just a little bit too tight. They didn’t outright say it, but it was implied that they weren’t going to alter them. It was a choice to lose weight or our chance to debut was gone. We were devastated and angry and eventually just resigned. If that's what it took then I would do it. We dieted like crazy for the time leading up to filming,” you laugh, but it's in disbelief, the sound is hollow.

Paired with what you’re saying, it makes Chan want to burn the whole world down. He doesn't say anything, not sure if he can even open his mouth without letting his rage escape, something that you don't deserve.

“We were practising, like always," you continue. "There was a tricky step that needed to be fixed by the next day when we’d be recording, a flip that we hadn't quite mastered. I was the smallest one on the team, so I was the one being flipped. It must have been like 3 or 4 in the morning, we were all tired, hungry, and nervous about filming. Honestly, I don't quite remember what happened, it was all a blur. There was just this feeling that something went wrong and then pain."

You roll up the pants on your left leg and show off the skin there. Chan has to hold back a gasp at the sight. Even though it’s long healed, the scarring is extensive and obvious. Chan can't imagine how much it must have hurt.

“I broke my ankle in two places and sprained my wrist. I couldn't believe it, five years of my life just gone in an instant. It took months before I could walk and even longer before I could dance again. Even now, I can't dance anywhere close to the way that I used to," you say with a watery smile. “Sojinnie had a concussion from the fall and Suminnie dislocated her shoulder, I must have knocked into them or fallen onto them or something. What could we do? Three out of the five of us were out of commission, there was no time and no budget for a group that hadn’t even debuted to find replacements or re-record and re-film everything. I woke up after surgery and they told me that they were sorry, but my contract with the company was over. That someone had helped me pack up all my things in the dorm. I went back to Jeju-do as soon as I was released from the hospital.”

"I- I'm sorry that I didn't know," Chan says, clearing his throat roughly when his voice breaks partway through the sentence. " I wish that I could have been there, to help or comfort you. I should have-"

"Oppa," you respond gently. "It's okay. I didn't tell anybody what happened and the company also kept things quiet. I'm glad you didn't find out at the time. You had other, more important things to focus on, I didn't want to distract you from that."

"You're not a distraction," Chan says incredulously. "You're important to me, I would have dropped everything to be with you in such a difficult time."

"And that's exactly why I couldn't tell you. You've always been too good to me, Channie-oppa," you sniffle. "Look at you now! I'm so always proud when I think of how far you've come."

Chan lifts a trembling hand and carefully cups your face, using his thumb to wipe away a tear that has started making its way down your cheek. He hears your breathing hitch, but you don't object to his touch. If anything, you melt into it.

Chan takes the opportunity to wrap his arms around you, bringing you close. The gesture breaks the dam of tears that you must have been holding back. Chan rocks the two of you back and forth gently, just letting you cry and trying to surreptitiously wipe away his own tears. It takes a few minutes before you calm, taking huge shuddering breaths that break Chan's heart almost as much as your sobs had.

"I'm sorry," you say with a voice thick with emotion.

"Hey, no," Chan reassures you. "There's no need to apologise. Are you feeling better now?"

You nod slowly, head still pressed against Chan's chest.

"I think- I think I just missed you. I always thought it would get easier, not having you in my life, but it never did."

At your words, Chan can't help his arms from tightening, squeezing you close.

"I finally found you again," he says. "And this time, I promise that I won't ever let you go."

read it on ao3 | masterlist

[danikamariewrites]

hii!! I was wondering if u could write a fic with azriel and one of the spies he trains, kind of like arobynn and aelin but not creepy lol. azriel always protects reader yet when rhys notices the special treatment in his court, he grows distant. angst ensues!! possibly smut whatever youre feeling!

My Sweet Spy

Azriel x reader

Notes: I hope you don’t mind that it’s in bullet form anon! I can’t believe I haven’t thought of something like this before, I did change it a little and made them fall in love (so not rlly a master and apprentice thing) I also don’t know the word count for this but know it’s a lot.

Warnings: angst, enemies to friends to lovers, fighting and violence, blood (apologies for any typos I sped through editing this)

Your father was one of Azriel’s senior spies. At 100 years old you were still acting like a petulant child, driving your father mad. Being at his wits end he dropped you off in Velaris for training with Azriel. It was more of a punishment than anything

He wanted the high lord and spymaster to set you straight

During one of your father’s more high profile missions he was attacked and didn’t survive

His death made you resent Azriel for a long time

You didn’t come to training on time or at all some days, you wouldn’t speak for almost a year, and you acted out so bad (during Nesta’s stint at the bars as well) you and Nesta were separated and it was time for an intervention

While Nesta stayed at the House of Wind you stayed in the Town House

You still refused to speak with anyone, especially Azriel, but you pulled yourself together

Though your father was a hard-ass you loved him dearly. He was the only person you had left in the world

Realizing you couldn’t blame Azriel or Rhysand for his death you started putting in the effort of training and being a better person. If anything you were really at training for Nesta. You missed your friend and she was the only person you would talk to. Meeting Gwyn and Emerie at training made you light up. You hadn’t had many friends as an adult so this group of girls excited you.

You still wouldn’t speak to Azriel. At least not in depth. You would acknowledge him, giving him nods and the occasional yes and no. Azriel tried so hard to get you to open up. He apologized about your father’s death and even went as far as buying you a box of your favorite pastries, but nothing.

Months after Nyx was born and Nesta, Gwyn, & Emerie won the Blood Rite you were starting to warm up to everyone. You even spoke to Azriel, “Thank you.” Azriel was taken aback by how quietly you approached him, even his shadows were unaware of you. “You’re welcome.” He didn’t ask for what. Azriel had a feeling that those two words encompassed everything from putting up with you to housing and training you.

You started going to family dinners and get togethers more. While you still didn’t talk much you were showing more emotion.

You were on time for training and showed improvement. To Azriel’s surprise you were more skilled than he thought. When he reported your progress to Rhys he seemed to take interest in your skills. “Maybe her father taught her more tricks of the trade than we thought.” Azriel didn’t like what Rhys’s tone was suggesting.

Azriel tensed, waiting for the order he knew was coming. Rhys gave his brother a look he knew all too well. Then the dreaded words left his mouth, “I want you to build her up. Y/n’s father was a valuable asset, we need that again.” Azriel clenched his jaw. Doing his best to bite his tongue to think about his words.

The Spymaster knew this was an order from his High Lord, not a suggestion from his brother.

So Azriel began your training. You became more observant, an extension of Azriel’s shadows. His own shadows took a liking to you. Becoming their second master on missions, they protected you.

The only missions Azriel would take you on would be a year after your training started. And they would never be solo trips. You would go with him or another partner on short missions. You were never far from Velaris and if need be Azriel could come get you if you were in danger.

There was definitely a few tense nights where you two spent the night at an inn. You two never knew how to approach each other, never wanting to say the wrong thing to one another.

Your first solo mission was given to you by Rhys. The High Lord went over his brother’s head assigning you this. “I believe you are ready to do this y/n. You have shown change and a tenacity I haven’t seen since Feyre under the mountain.”

The high praise from Rhys made your heart soar. The fact that your change was noticed made you feel like life was going well. That there was a place for you.

“Thank you, Rhysand.” You bow your head slightly. “Azriel has trained you well, and you’ve done excellent work over the last few months.” Rhys slides a file across his desk to you. Opening it he informs you that you’ll be traveling to just outside Vallahan. A male who was once on Kier’s council defected and has been on the run for years. He has crimes to answer for and you will be delivering the High Lord’s justice.

When you didn’t show up to training Azriel went looking for you. Not being able to find you in the House he went to Rhys. “I sent her on a mission to the continent. Caliban was sighted and I thought she was the perfect person to handle it.”

Steam was coming out of Azriel’s ears. “How. Dare. You,” he gritted out. Rhys’s eyes widen at the change in his brother’s mood. Azriel was borderline erratic. “How dare you make that call!” Rhys held up a hand. “Brother, please. Calm down and think—” “Don’t tell me to cam down! Y/n has never been to the Continent! And she is far from ready to do something like this on her own!”

“Az just listen—” Azriel closed his eyes, taking deep breathes. “Where?” Rhys gave him a questioning look. “Where on the Continent id you fucking send her?” His voice was growing angrier with each word. Once Rhys told him he punched his brother square in the face and stormed out of the house.

Your father didn’t make many enemies but he had one that eluded him for years, Caliban. Once considered royalty in the Hewn City he became a fugitive of the Night Court. Now you were his target. Somehow he found out that he is your mission in Vallahan. Instead of running again he decided to face you.

Caliban made it easy for you to track him. To the point where you knew it was a trap

“You look just like your father,” was the first thing he said to you. “I suppose you’ll be just as easy to kill.” All rational thoughts left your head. You saw red as you charged at him. Azriel had taught you to used controlled emotion through your fighting technique, helping you unlearn your irrational behavior.

Diving at Caliban he swiftly side stepped you, a smirk dancing on his lips. “Still a petulant child I see.” You let out growl from deep in your throat. Jumping to your feet you unsheathed the dagger from your thigh. Caliban drew his own from thin air, ready to fight.

You slashed hard, chasing every step he took with a more aggressive one of your own. If Caliban was going to kill you, you were going to make it hard for him.

If you were going to die tonight you were taking this vile murderer with you.

Letting your rage take hold your moves become erratic. Distracted. Caliban lands a blow to your gut forcing you to double over. He grabs a fist full of your hair, clutching it as tight as possible he punched your face over and over again. Once your face was drenched in blood Caliban dropped you to the ground.

You were breathing heavily through your mouth trying to regain your strength. To get back up and fight again.

Caliban circles you, sneering down at you. “Poor little spy. Going to die all alone just like her father.” He lets out a deep laugh. A burst of anger rushed through you. Holding on tight to your dagger you quickly sit up and slash at Caliban’s inner thigh.

He howls in pain and drops to the ground next to you. “You bitch!” He spits at you. You laugh, collapsing on your back.

As the edges of your vision blur all you can think about is your friends. Specifically Azriel. He has been a constant, steady presence over the last few years.

All you could think about was how ungrateful you’d been to him. All the attitude you gave him that you never apologized for. All the things you didn’t let go of and had blamed him for, like your new shitty life and your father’s death.

But your life wasn’t shitty. It was good and you had a purpose.

Your father’s murderer was going to get up and you weren’t going to fight back because you were just so, so tired. And maybe you deserved to die. But you didn’t want to die without telling Azriel everything you were thinking.

Caliban screamed in pain. Turning to face him you see your guardian angel kneeling over him. Truthteller dripping with Caliban’s blood.

Azriel was fuming. His chest moving up and down with his rapid breaths. “Azriel,” you croak out. He snaps out of his trance. “Y/n,” he slide over to you on his knees, cradling your head in his hands. “It’s ok. We’re going to take you home.”

Mor appeared over his shoulder. A relieved smile gracing her full lips. Azriel stands with you in his arms. Mor holds onto his arm winnowing you both back to the Town House. Azriel brings you right up to his old room, setting you down gently on the bed.

Mor comes back with Madja in tow. The old healer giving Azriel a look that said “I know this is your brother’s fault” as she mended your broken nose.

Azriel holds your hand the whole time, being that silent calming presence for you until Madja left

“Why didn’t you fight harder? I know you could’ve gotten up.” There was pain in his voice. A long painful silence fell between you two before you answered. “I thought maybe I deserved it.” Tears silently fall down your cheeks as Azriel lightly squeezes your hand. He felt his heart crack a little. “I’m sorry,” you whisper. “For everything.”

Azriel shakes his head, his heart fully cleaving in two. “There is nothing to be sorry for y/n. Things haven’t been easy for you and I’ve seen that.” Azriel pulls you onto his lap hugging you to his chest as you sob.

Weeks later Azriel hasn’t left your side. Your words troubled him and he wants to show you that you deserve everything good in life. It was his mission to make sure you stopped punishing yourself for his past.

While Cassian gave him suggestions Azriel ignored his brother. His and Nesta’s relationship got off to a rocky start and the couple are still working their issues out.

Az decided to take a different approach with you. Some days you would take breaks from training. He would take you out to eat in the city or for a bonding activity, as Az liked to call it.

You gave him a questioning look the first time he suggested it. Then followed up with, “We do what I want everyday. Let’s do something you want to do.” You raised a brow at him. Feeling like this was a trap. But you’d take it. “Ok,” you shrugged and headed out the door.

You dragged Azriel from shop to shop to see where his limit would be for you buying extravagant items. He didn’t complain once though. Az just smiled and held a majority of the bags for you

Over the next few months you became closer with Azriel. The two of you have gotten so close you consider him one of your best friends. The spymaster quickly became your confidant. You opened up to him about things you haven’t even told Nesta.

It was your scheduled fudge night, where you each bring a different kind of fudge home, eat and gossip. Along with the occasional glass of wine. You were laughing about a story Az was telling you about Cassian in their 30’s. Rhys away with his father and the pair decided to party it up in the city without their brother. Azriel isn’t sure how he lost Cassian but when he finally found the General he was floating on his back in the Sidra.

“Just floating,” you snorted out covering your mouth. “Yes! He told me he saw a mermaid and just had to woo her.” That made you laugh even harder, leaning on his shoulder as you regained your composure. Azriel’s heart stutters at your palm lying flat against his chest. Your touch is soft and welcomed.

Az smiles down at you, watching the color of your cheeks go from that cherry red to their normal color. Your lips still pulled into a smile as you wipe the tears from your eyes. Azriel didn’t realize that he was softly smiling at you until you looked at him asking, “What?” He shook his head, “Nothing.” His voice gentle.

You brush it off going back to the chocolate peanut butter fudge Azriel brought. Taking a bite and sinking back into the cushions you ask for another embarrassing story. Azriel obliges because he could never deny you.

Another bonding activity you two cherish is painting. Like for the kids Feyre runs classes for you and Az find it therapeutic

Once a month, when there’s a free afternoon in the studio’s schedule, Feyre lets you two have a free paint session. You and Az set up easels to face each other and chat while you paint.

Your first painting session was silent except for the sound of the brushes and occasional question azriel would ask you. You only gave him one word answers of course. And the painting you made was a mess of colors. You just had to get your anger put and didn’t feel like trying. At the end of the hour you shoved it in the trash can and left without Azriel.

Today that first session felt like a lifetime ago. You were chatting with Azriel, gossiping and laughing like you’ve been friends for centuries

This time you were adding to a painting you started two months ago. You really wanted to get better at drawing and even asked Feyre to teach you the basics in your free time. Hands are a hard thing to draw but the skill came quite easy to you.

Putting the finishing touches on the shading of the sword you stand back and admire your hard work. It’s of one of the most important moments in your life, when Azriel taught you how to hold a sword. On that day you knew everything would change. There was a new trust between you and Azriel, he trusted you and believed in your abilities. It felt like the first time someone really believed in you, like your potential was truly seen.

In the painting Azriel was guiding your hand to grip the hilt correctly. The sapphire siphons looked like they were glowing and the white ribbon you cut on your fourth try was wrapped around your wrist.

“Are you finally going to let me see it?” Az asked, dragging his own brush in long strokes across the canvas. You squinted your eyes in thought, debating if you truly wanted to show him or wait for Feyre’s critique. “I guess,” you sigh.

Azriel laid down his brush and pallet, wiping his hands off with a paint cover cloth. Coming to face your painting his jaw dropped and his eyebrows shot up to his hairline. Azriel was rendered speechless by your skills. “Wow,” he breathed out. “Y/n…this is incredible. The detail. My scars even,” his scared hand reached out to touch the painting before he realized he shouldn’t. Instead he mindlessly moved to gently hold your hand.

The two of you stood there staring at your art for a while. You finally noticed Azriel had laced his fingers with yours. You smile at your joined hands, squeezing his before staring back at the painting.

Azriel looks down at you, that love sick smile you always seem to miss was on his face again. Just as he’s about to say something (he hoped would be romantic) Feyre came back from lunch. The bell above the door chimed causing you to jump apart.

“Wow!” She quickly made her way over to you to get a better look at your painting. “Y/n! This is fantastic! We must get it framed and hang it in the house.” The High Lady rambled on, praising your skills.

Azriel crept out as you and Feyre talked. He would talk to you again and there would be another time to tell you what was on his mind.

Missions these days were always vetted by Azriel before Rhys asked you to do anything. You haven’t been doing many lately anyway. Helping Azriel delegate, strategizing, and desk work has been your strong suit.

When Rhys noticed he called you both to his office. Azriel could tell Rhys was angry with him. He knew his brother’s tells well enough. You on the other hand just thought Rhys wanted a progress report on your skills again.

“Sit,” the High Lord said through gritted teeth. You tried to avert Rhy’s gaze while Azriel held strong, staring his brother down. Azriel would stand by his decision to keep you safe. That day he found you with Caliban scared the shit out of him. He never wanted you out there alone or without him again.

Rhys looked at you first. “I’ve noticed you haven’t been going into the field lately.” You shook your head, finally looking at your High Lord. “Care to explain.” You didn’t know what to say. Wouldn’t this be a problem between him and Az. “I—Az has been pairing me up less. I’ve been training more with the Valkyries and field work has been pushed back.”

Rhys let out a hum, his lips pulled into a thin line. “Azriel,” he directed his attention to his brother whose eyes haven’t left him once. “Why isn’t she out there? Is she not one of your spies? Is there not work to be done?” Azriel clenched his jaw. Once again biting his tongue.

“I have had y/n doing other tasks she is comfortable with.” Azriel’s voice was restrained. He saw right through Rhys’s questions and damn him. Azriel saw you were reluctant to go out after Caliban so he made a choice that would keep you safe. “Was it y/n’s choice or yours?” Before Azriel could explode on Rhys you rest a hand on his thigh for comfort. “It was my decision, Rhys. I haven’t been the best out in the field and Azriel found what I’m good at.” You look between the two of them with a small smile to diffuse the tension.

Rhys returned your smile giving you a nod. “I’m glad that you found something you like. Could you give Azriel and I a moment please.” You wordlessly get up and give Azriel’s shoulder an encouraging squeeze.

Once they were sure you were down the hall Rhys began his tirade. “You do not get to decide what her limits are. I know what she said just now, that was clearly to cover for you. But you cannot keep treating y/n like this.” “Like what,” Azriel spat back.

“Like she is a child! Y/n has come very far in her career, something her father would be proud of. By resigning her to desk work you tear down all the confidence she has built. You’ve kept her away from everything since Caliban. I needed her in the Hewn City and you told me no. I needed her in Autumn and Day and you shot those down too. Why?” Rhys was trying to keep his cool but there was a desperation to his questions.

Azriel stood from his chair. “She doesn’t want to be her father. Y/n is more than this.” Realization flashed in Rhys’s eyes. “Y/n has truly found something she is good at. She’s one of the smartest people I’ve ever met and one of your best strategists.” Without another word Azriel turned on his heel and left.

After that conversation Rhys laid off you more. He quickly realized things were more organized since you had left spying

You kept your distance from Azriel for a few days, unsure if you got him in trouble by lying to the High Lord. Well, it wasn’t a complete lie. Az just suggested a new position and you took it.

Did you work for those few days? No. You took them to rest. You haven’t taken a day off in over a year so, why not relax.

You baked cookies, something you used to do with your grandmother every week. You decided on snicker-doodles to enjoy while starting the stack of books Nesta and Emerie suggested you read.

Azriel also gave you your space. He’s been by your side for months at this point. You could use a few days without him, even though it pained him. Azriel loved spending time with you. Sure you brought chaos into his life, but it was the good kind.

On day four of being apart Azriel couldn’t take it anymore. He found you wrapped in your favorite blanket in one of the least used siting rooms in the House of Wind. A fire roaring in the hearth to keep you warm, a mug of tea next to a plate of cookies ready for you when you take a break.

Putting your book down you finally notice Az staring at you in the doorway. That love sick smile he thinks you don’t notice plastered on his face. “Hey,” you say excitedly. “Come, sit with me.” You pat the spot on the couch next to you.

He plops down next to you, curling a wing around you for extra warmth. Without a second thought you snuggle into his side. A blush dusts Azriel’s tan cheeks as he looks away from you. You giggle at the sight of the feared spymaster blushing.

You gently trace his cheek down to his jaw, taking in his beauty. Over the last year you had become very taken with Azriel. He had been there for you no matter what you threw at him. You pull Azriel’s face to look at you. You met his hazel eyes that held so much love and adoration for you, you just didn’t see it.

“Y/n I, there’s something I’ve wanted to say and I just—” Azriel cut himself off with a shake of his head, leaning in so his lips meet yours in a soft kiss you’ve been waiting months for. You kissed him back, running your fingers through his hair.

Breaking apart you give him a giddy smile. It was the most genuine look he’s seen on you since you came to them. “That was better than anything you could’ve said.” You whisper, leaning your forehead against his. Az smiled back, “I still have so much I want to say. Have to say.” “I have all the time to listen.”

[luvleyk]

*+:｡It's your turn to be my model ｡:+*

♡𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Bada Lee x Fem reader

♡𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: you grew some kind of feelings towards her even tho you two just met for a photoshoot and you were her model. But what if she feels the same?

♡𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: 1.9k

♡𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐒𝐌𝐔𝐓 (𝐌𝐃𝐍𝐈), model! Bada, photographer! Reader, top Bada x bottom reader, praise kink, pet names, fingering, strap on sex, you're a sucker for her (me too).

♡𝐀/𝐍: this is my first fic and post, so please bear with me if there are some grammatical errors and stuff (english is not my first language and I'm still learning a lot AAAAA), wasn't proofread so expect that there some typos.. Also I'm open for request!!

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ⋇⋆✦⋆⋇ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

"Hmm? I thought you liked this?" she asked in a low tone as she continues to thrust the strap inside you, chuckling as she watches you becoming a mess, underneath her. "You're the one who asked for this, so, why are trying to pull away, hm?" she added as she lifts your leg and pinned it against your chest, giving her access to go deeper inside you. You whined a moan as you felt her thumb rubbing a circle on your bundle of nerves, giving you a overwhelming stimulation. You're getting sensitive.

You don't even know how you two ended up like this. All you know is that, she's fucking you into oblivion to the point you're starting to see stars and your mind was only filled with her and her only.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ⋇⋆✦⋆⋇　 ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

You met Bada as your model client since she was given the opportunity to be a model on a fashion magazine and you're the assigned photographer to take photos of her. But since you're the type who's timid and shy, you're somewhat anxious since you'll be working with her and who knows what's her personality is like or something..

It's your day two of working with her. And during that day with her you've notice that she's nice, kind of intimidating (based on your perspective) but though, she's easily to interact which made you easily get comfortable around her. And which you grew some kind of attachments.

As the day passed and you're already done with your work, just need to edit her photos and give it to the management. You were preparing for yourself to leave when you heard her call your name..

"Hey, Y/N... You know.. This'll be the last time that we will meet.." She started..

"So I was thinking if we could hang out in my house? Just have a bit of dinner, here and there.. If you would like?" she added as she looked at you with a hint of hope that you would accept her offer..

You look up to her as you tilted your head to the side. 𝘊𝘶𝘵𝘦. She thought.

"You're inviting me for a dinner?" You asked as you point yourself, which you receive a quiet chuckle from her.

"Well, of course, love." she answered with a nod..

Of course, you can't say no to an offer. "Sure.. I'll just fix my stuff, real quick" you said softly as you went to a desk where your stuff was.

Once you're done, she helped you carry your bag as you both exited the studio.. You both reach her car, opening the door for you to enter. You smiled as you get inside of her car, she closed the door and walk to the other side to get into the driver seat and start the engine.

"Since it'll took us about 15 minutes to drive through my house. Why don't we have a little bit of chit chat?" She suggest, making sure the whole trip wouldn't awkward for you as her attention was focused on the road.

You nodded slowly. "Sure.. That seems fun.." You said.

She hummed, as if she's thinking on what she would ask or say.. "So.. I was wondering... How long have you been a photographer?" She asked, which made you tilt your head..

"Well.. if you're talking about my job.. Well it's been 2 years.. But if you're talking about my experience, then it's 14 years.." Her eyes slightly went wide in shock after she heard your answer..

"14 years? Wow... Well I guess you really love your passion, no?" she asked, which you nodded in return..

You two fall into silence until you two reach her place. She helps you get off from the car and guided you inside.. "Sorry in advance if my place is kinda messy.. I'm sure you're the type who's neat and stuff.." She said in a joking manner before chuckling..

You laughed softly... "Oh no... it's fine... I don't mind it tho.." You replied with a slight smile.

She hummed before walking towards the door as she grab her keys on her pocket, unlocking the door and gesturing you to come in first.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ⋇⋆✦⋆⋇ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

She made you dinner, you two share stories together while eating, and laugh together. It's fun. You thought. Your admiration grew wild towards her, to the point it's scary.. You just met her, and you easily get attached to someone you barely knew. You sighed, which Bada quickly noticed.

"Hey, something's wrong?" She ask as she gently holds your hand.

Something sparked within you when she took a hold of your hand in a gentle way. You look at her, seeing her sitting in front of you with a soft and gentle smile on her face.

You slightly shake your head. "It's nothing.." You replied which you earned a frown from her.

"Hmm.. Alright. I'm not gonna force you to say it." She said quietly before letting go of your hand as she finish her meal.

You two became silent again.. It's making you anxious, for some reason.

You were done eating and was about to say something when she suddenly talk. "You know.. I just noticed, within the two days, you suddenly felt comfortable around me?" she started, causing your cheeks to burn...

"H-huh... W... What... I mean" you pauses to regain your composure back.. "I mean... I don't want to be awkward while working with you.. So... I'm trying my best.." you added quietly.

She chuckled. "That's true..." she uttered as she stood up and grab both of your empty plates, putting it on the sink. She turned around, walking towards you. "Are you... Are you gonna leave after this?" she sudden ask, making you look up to her..

"I.. well... If there's nothing else to do... Yes.." You said, though you're hoping for her to make you stay just for a bit.. "I'll have to edit your photos for the fashion magazine..." you added before chuckling awkwardly..

"Oh.." she uttered before nodding..

"I could stay for a bit if you want." You quickly said. At this point you're making yourself look so desperate, but you don't care. You just want to spend your time with her.

A smile crossed her face. "Well. Sure.. That would be lovely.." She said as you stand up from sitting on the chair.. "What do you want to do? We could watch some movies or talk?" she suggests.

You shrugged.. "I'm fine with anything, to be honest." You replied, causing her to nod.

She hold your hand as she guided you to the living room, making you sit on the couch as she stands in front of you. "I don't know what to do, since it's my first time having a guest in my house. Mostly I'm the one who gets invited into this kind of stuff. So bare with me for a bit" She said and you chuckle..

"Ah... It's fine.. Take your time" You said while nodding. She hummed as she nodded back before leaning forward so that you two have same eye level. The same feeling from earlier came back as you leaned back against the couch.

She tilts her head on the side as she reached out to tuck your hair behind your ear. "I just noticed that you're very cute from up close." She suddenly said, causing your cheeks to burn again as you avert your gaze..

"Y.. You're being random.." You uttered before looking back at her.. "How about we watch a movie?" You suggests, trying to shake off this weird feeling inside of you.

"We could do something else, that is fun." she hummed.

"Like what?"

She hummed for a bit. Her fingers that was tucking your hair from earlier, slowly trail down on your neck, causing you to involuntarily flinched by her touch. "Oh?" she uttered as she raised her eyebrow before chuckling, continuing to explore your sensitive skin, earning a muffled noise coming from you.

You hold onto her wrist as she cup your cheeks, forcing you to look up at her. "Do you want me to stop, love?" she asked, her voice was hushed.

"C.. Continue.. Please.." you uttered. She's just mildly touching you and you're already feeling something weird between your legs.

She chuckled quietly.. "So polite.." She praised in a low tone as she plant a kiss on your forehead. "Want to continue this in my bedroom?" she asked, which she earned a quick nod from you.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ⋇⋆✦⋆⋇ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

And now she's fucking you. She pulled out her strap as she plunge her long slender fingers inside you, causing you to let out a weak moan. "Mhm.. Baby, you feel good, right? Tell Bada if you feel good." She said in a low tone as she thrust her fingers deeper, inside.

"A.. F... Feels good... Please.. Faster..." you plead which she obliged.

She hovers on top of you as she devours your lips, her fingers were moving in a fast pace, causing you to moan loudly between the kiss..

The kiss became sloppy, as if she's getting drunk by your moans and the wet sound while thrusting her fingers inside of you.. She pulled slightly as she looked at you, her eyes filled with admiration, looking at your flushed, drunken face..

She pulled her fingers out, causing you to whine. But quickly moaned when she pushed the tip of her strap back in and start thrusting again, but this time a little bit deeper and rough..

"Fuck... I've been wanting to do this with you.. Fuck.." she uttered as she rest her left hand between on the side of your head as a support as her other hand went to cup your right breast. "So beautiful. Am I fucking you too good, princess?" she groaned. You nodded. At this point, you can't even utter a word anymore.. She's too good.. You feel like you're gonna faint any moment.

You can't even focus on what's happening right now, her whispers of sweet nothings became incoherent in you ears.

You gripped onto the bedsheets as you arched your back, climax starts to build up inside you.

"B... Bada..." You moaned as she hummed..

"You're close, baby?" she asked and you nodded eagerly.

She thrust in a fast pace. The sound of your moan filled the every corner of her room.

After you feel like forever you feel your orgasm hits you in a tidal wave. Trembling underneath her, she rides your orgasm with a few thrust before gently pulling out. She remove the harness and tossed it on the floor as she lay besides you, planting some kisses all over your face.

"How do you feel, love?" She asked as she wipes your sweat by her fingers..

You let out a weak moan as you move closer to her, causing her to wrap her arms around your body... "G.. Good.." You uttered and she nodded as a response.

"You know the moment I met you. I've already taken an interest towards you. But you know. I'm not really sure since we've only know each other for 2 days only..." She admits quietly..

"Me too.." you said.

"Really?" she asked in disbelief before laughing quietly and planting a kiss on your head..

"How about we take a rest for a bit? I'll clean you up later."

[ao3-shenanigans]

I have a confession, and a question. I have rewritten my longest fic to-date a total of six times and have an entire extended universe planned. The problem is, I only make progress if I'm writing it out by hand. The slower pace of writing with a pen or pencil forces me to pause and think far more often than typing and makes it much easier to deal with grammar and spelling errors down the road. It also has the great side effect of helping to keep Writer's Block from taking hold. How do you deal with writer's block?

Ah man, writers block hits me so hard!

Some tips and tricks I’ve heard that help:

1. Make a short-term outline

- maybe not the whole plot but rather a short scene or set of scenes. Ex:

(1) Character A picks a fight -> (2) Character A looses fight -> (3) Character B finds them and takes care of them

2. Make a list of things you would want to read in a fic

- be self indulgent! This is your fic after all!

- listing moments you’d like to have can sometimes get the creative flow excited again

Ex: Jon and Martin kiss, someone calls Elias a Saucy Minx and he has to put up with it, Sasha gets to stab Peter, Tim gets to have a sick day where people take care of him

3. Write scenes out of order!

- write that sappy epilogue first if you want!

- stab that sad little man! Figure out why it happened later!

4. Write a few sentences or scenes from a different perspective

- can be that of a different character, an animal watching, a passerby or even an inanimate object! 

5. Write with a friend! Co-authoring a fic or even parallel writing can help with motivation

6. Write a one shot while taking a break from Your main project!

- sometimes something short and sweet can get the dopamine flowing again

7. Write by hand!

- the old notebook trick!

- or even changing the font sometimes helps!

8. Don’t allow yourself to edit or fix typos!

- let yourself ramble on to the page for a bit! You can’t edit what’s not there!

9. Read someone else’s work!

- fanfic or traditionally published work! Mix it up!

10. Re-engage with the source material!

- remember your roots!

11. Change the weather!

- maybe the fight isn’t working in the rain, but how about sleet or snow? Searing desert heat?

12. Change the format of the fic

- try writing it in second person or as a screen play

13. Leave bits out

- start with only the dialogue or only the setting descriptions

14. Talk it through with a friend or fandom buddy!

- explain the story and ask them questions, brainstorm answers together

15. Remember that it doesn’t need to be perfect!

- getting fixated on plot holes or mischaracterization can be detrimental to enjoying the act of creation that writing is

- as fanfic readers, we genuinely don’t mind that much; its the whole “Holy shit two cakes!!” situation, the fact that you’re willing to share this thing you’ve written and labored over with us for free is a gift in and of itself

- have fun! Be silly! Don’t fret about it!

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Plus Baby Makes Three {One-Shot}**

Title: Plus Baby Makes Three {One-Shot} **

Lewis Hamilton x GF Reader

Words: 5.8k

Warning: Mild Angst, Fluff, Fun & Games, NSFW, Mild Breeding Kink, Preggo talk, Preggo Prank, Preggo Fic, Crude Language, Dirty Talk

Summary: It was supposed to be a retaliation prank. A simple, easy prank to get back at Lewis for the one he’d pulled on you months before. You didn’t expect it to turn out like this.

As always, thank you for reading.

If you enjoyed this, please, LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG!!

***NOT Edited/Proofread***

Your entire relationship with Lewis had been a never-ending frat party. You enjoyed the same pastimes, including video games, nature, traveling, and pranks.

Hell, your relationship had started on a prank you'd done to your friends pretending to be in the middle of getting it in when they walked in. Everyone's reactions were the same "finally". You both were speechless as they all confessed they knew it was a matter of time before you saw the sparks and finally did something about it.

After admitting it was all a prank you were alone later that night when your first kiss happened. That torpedoed into your first night together. Hence beginning a beautiful, fun, and stress-free relationship

Now 3 years later, things were still going strong. You pranked each other often, a few of those pranks playing out through social media.

Everyone loved your relationship even the diehard Lewis thirsters who wanted him for themselves. They saw how happy he was with you and how unproblematic you were and fell in line to support you.

It had been a while since you pranked him and you could tell he'd lowered his guard. You’d spent weeks laying the groundwork. Weeks dropping hints and playing up faux symptoms and your period symptoms just to make this an easy sell.

You decided this would be a perfect thing to record so set up your filming equipment that you used for your gaming streams and makeup vlogs then got yourself ready.

"You are evil for this."

Snorting, you dropped onto your back and cackled.

"It’s not that bad."

"Not that bad? Y/N he is going to flip. I just don’t know what, a table or himself."

You laughed some more. Your best friend, Zoe was right. It was really 50/50 how this would go. You suspected it would be on the flipping-a-table side though. You hesitated momentarily, wondering if you should reformulate and try again. However, within seconds you committed.

You attached the ultrasound picture that you'd gotten from a lesser-known pregnancy website and edited with an arrow pointing to the blip of an embryo. You’d inserted a few words onto the picture.

"Little Hamilton says hello and can’t wait to meet you guys".

After scanning the picture again for typos and to make sure it all looked good, you started on your caption.

"What are you going to write?"

"Short and sweet right? Anything extra will be suspicious. Let's see. Ummm...ooh I know."

You began and read it aloud as you typed.

"I wanted you guys to find out at the same time as @lewishamilton. Omgg guys 🥺. I am so excited.🤗 Thank you @lewishamilton for this incredible gift. I love you more than words can say and am so happy and honored to be on this journey with you. Can't wait to meet you baby Hamilton. You are already loved so much.❤️🤰🏽👶🏽🍼 #babyhamilton2024 #surprisewerepregnant #bunintheoven

#babybyhamilton

#heshotupmyclub

#sunsoutbutthisbunisstillcooking #filledwithlove #coming2024

"Oh my god. The world is going to lose their shit," Zoe said.

"The world? He's gonna lose his shit. And---posted."

You turned your notification sound all the way up then placed your phone beside you and picked up the TV remote.

"Ready? Let’s see how far we get."

You pressed play on the movie you guys had selected on Prime and settled in. Before the movie had even gotten past the black screen, your notifications went blaring one after the other at rapid fire.

"Holy shit, your bestie squealed.

By the time the opening credits showed up, your phone began chiming with texts.

"Oh my god, barely 2 minutes. Is it Lewis?"

You looked while being very careful not to go into the messages. You wanted to play this very calm, cool, and collected. Sure enough, there was Lewis' name with the circled number indicating how many unread messages remained, increasing with each second.

"Oh my god. He is flipping out I bet."

You put it down and cackled. It was no use playing the movie because with the rapid-fire sounds from your phone, it would be impossible to pay attention. You didn’t click into Lewis' messages and instead read what showed up in the preview.

MSG Lewis: Why aren’t you answering your texts? Baby? You just posted that no way you walked away from your phone. Are you okay?

You snorted then went into IG to look at your post. It already was well into the hundred thousands of likes. The 4th comment, Lewis', had you pinching your lips.

"@y/nthaunicorn what?! This isn’t the kind of thing you post on social before telling me.

You giggled and continued reading the comments replying to him with congratulations and you’re going to be an amazing dad. The number of #mercedesbaby and #babygoatcoming hashtags only made you roll more.

The man was going to learn today that his last prank was too far. He'd canceled your appointment with your OBGYN and had one of your friends pretend to be you to make your appointment as a pre-pregnancy appointment with the intention to conceive.

Lo' and behold, when you’d gone to the appointment you were confused why your doctor was going over your estrogen and progesterone levels and checking the placement of your uterus. When she mentioned that you were in good health and should have no problems conceiving, you nearly passed out.

You tried to tell her you had no intentions of planning a pregnancy but she took it as you getting cold feet to which she then spent a lot of time trying to soothe your “fears”. When you went home with prenatal vitamins and a calendar on your best days for conception Lewis played along saying he was on board if you really wanted a baby.

He was so supportive about it that he freaked you out. He kept the ruse going so long that while you made love that night his whole dirty talk was about putting a baby in you. It was a slight turn on which shocked you because babies weren’t a topic you'd spent a lot of time talking about. For the most part, it took you off guard.

The following morning over breakfast was when he came clean. The way he cackled and ran around the house clearly pleased with himself was so over the top that you silently vowed revenge. You would make him rue the day.

Today was his retribution.

Your phone rang and Lewis' name appeared on your screen. You chortled and stared at the camera as it rang out. The man it feels good to be a gangster sound played in your head while your face evilly smirked. Seconds later, a message from him came in.

MSG Lewis: Why aren’t you answering your phone?

MSG Lewis: Are you okay?

MSG Lewis: Is this real? Are you being for real?

MSG Lewis: Did your IG get hacked?

MSG Lewis: Y/N!

Another call came in and again it was him. Zoe laughed loudly as she wiggled her legs in the air.

"He is losing his shit!”

MSG Lewis: Y/N. Jesus Christ. You're killing me. Pick up the phone baby.

You snorted. He was realizing assertiveness was not going to win. Now he was trying sugar.

MSG Lewis: Sweetheart. Are you pregnant? Is that why you've been sick lately?

MSG Lewis: Why you've been feeling so bloated?

MSG Lewis: Your boobs!😮 Oh shit. Why aren’t you answering?🥴

His texts came in one after the other each one more and more panicked. You just sat back and let him make his descent.

Placing another guac and salsa dipped chip into your mouth, you read the previews of his messages.

MSG Lewis: A baby? Our baby. Oh my god.😳

Your phone rang again, and again you let it ring out. A few minutes later, you got the notification of a voicemail. Once you hit play on the message, his voice came in and you and your bestie listened in.

"Y/N, I don’t know why you’re not picking up and it’s freaking me out a little. You know how I feel when I can't reach you, especially after what happened that last time.”

At that, you perked up because he’d nearly had a panic attack the last time he couldn’t reach you and it was because some paps were chasing you in your car nearly making you crash. He’d had to show up at the police station dropping everything. The pause in the message made you get ready to swipe to your phone app, but then he continued.

“I thought about it for a while and figured maybe you’re afraid to talk to me. Maybe you’re scared that I’m going to be angry or disappointed by the news. Maybe you think I’ll tell you to terminate or that I'm not ready. I thought about it and I wish I was there with you right now instead of halfway across the fucking world. Fuck.”

His sighed in a hefty huff.

“I wish I could hug you and hold your hand and tell you while looking into your eyes that it's going to be okay and that I’m not angry. I’m not disappointed.”

Your brows rose. He wasn’t, you questioned.

“I’m surprised, yes. So fucking surprised. I didn’t think this would happen and never really thought about the possibility of it happening which is so stupid because we don't use condoms. Like at all. I’m shooting your club up every day, multiple times a day. Why wouldn’t it be possible?”

You pinched your lips as your friend gave you a look that said she wasn’t surprised how y’all got down. You rubbed your brow to avoid her side-eye. It wasn’t that you were ashamed. You weren’t it was just embarrassing. You took a few sips from your cherry limeade and continued listening.

“Uggh, I’m rambling. I'm not mad and I wish you’d pick up the phone and let me tell you that plus how much I love you and want this."

A spray of cherry limeade shot from your mouth through the air, "What!!”

You bolted up in shock with wide eyes and a racing heart.

"A baby. Our baby. A piece of you and me. We didn't plan this, but we've been given this soul for a reason, and I am going to welcome and love them with everything I have. I’m going to be there 100 percent. You’re not in this alone, you have me. Call me, please. I love you so much."

Your eyes were wide. Had you heard him right? Was he actually happy about this? Your head snapped to your friend who was also wide-eyed.

“Well shit, plot twist!”

“Was he--.”

“Happy? Yep.”

“Did he say--.”

“He wanted this? Oh yeah.”

You went over the message in your head again.

“Was he--.”

“The sweetest and cutest about it? Yes. Oh my god, Y/N.”

You played the message again and listened to it in its entirety. You didn’t stop at once, or twice. You listened over 5 times but each time you were still flabbergasted by his words.

“Oh my god.”

“Well look on the bright side—he’d never be one of those asshole deadbeat celebs trying to make their girl get rid of a baby they helped create.”

“Why does he want this? Why isn’t he mad? We haven’t really talked about kids. This is so out the blue?”

“You want him to be mad?”

You paused and thought about it. Any other answer besides no was ridiculous. This was an ideal reaction if the situation was real. This was how every man should react to an unplanned pregnancy. He was being major goals right now and it made your heart swell with love and pride.

Your notifications went off some more and you checked them to find some of his fellow F1 drivers commenting about the news. They all were sweet and thoughtful, which made you think again about this prank.

“Shit. How do I tell him it was a prank now?”

Zoe laughed loudly. “I suggest starting with apology head then let him shoot your club up for real and voila baby.”

You smacked her across her stomach while kissing your teeth.

“Be for real.”

“I’m being as for real as your man is.”

A text notification came in then.

MSG Lewis: The jet will be landing in a few hours. It’s not planned but come see me this weekend. I really want to be close to you right now.

“Oh my god.”

Your friend laughed again as she teased you about your prank gone completely wrong.

~~~~~~~~

Just as he’d said, Lewis’ jet arrived 4 hours after he’d texted. The call from the pilot came at nearly midnight. You were packed and ready for the weekend with a possible week’s extension, but you were also still debating how you were going to make this right. He thought he was going to be a father and that prospect had him in his feelings. You felt horrible.

MSG Lewis: Did the pilot call?

You’d replied to his text after the message about spending the weekend with him because you knew staying quiet longer would make him more anxious. You were messed up, but you weren’t cruel.

MSG: Yeah. Guess I’ll see you in a few.

MSG Lewis: Don’t be scared. Everything’s going to be all right. I love you.

“Uugh. I’m an asshole,” you said, hanging your head.

The chauffeured car took 40 minutes to get to the airfield and the whole time you tried to come up with a way to easily let him down. If he had been angry you would have been obnoxious with it and laughed in his face, but seeing how sweet he was about it there was no way you could now.

Of course, the flight to Barcelona didn’t take long. The pilot even had the audacity to cut what was a 2-hour and 20-minute flight to just 2 hours flat. The nerve! The whole flight your nerves toiled which made your stomach uneasy. Nothing helped, not ginger ale, 7-up, Sprite, cranberry juice, tea, nor sports drinks. You suspected it was your anxiety manifesting in an upset stomach, so you didn’t stress the flight attendant with helping ease it.

Now it was 3am Barcelona time and you were steadily approaching the penthouse that Lewis was staying in. The closer you got the more nervous you got. When the car began to slow down in front of a cute building with adorable Verona-style balconies you groaned. It was time to face the music. The driver unloaded your bags and helped you inside to the door. As he was about to ring the bell you stopped him and told him you could take it from there.

Once you were alone in front of the door you took a few breaths and tried to get control over your nerves. Before you could ring the bell though, the door opened and there stood Lewis in a white sleeveless T-shirt and grey sweat shorts. Instantly you pouted and waited for him to speak first.

“C’mere,” Lewis said holding open his arms for you.

Without hesitation you rushed into his arms and allowed him to hold you.

“It’s okay,” he whispered as he stepped back into the penthouse taking you with him.

He lifted you off your feet and carried you inside. When he placed you down on a soft couch, he kissed your forehead.

“I’ll be right back.”

Lewis disappeared for a few minutes. You assumed he was bringing in your luggage and rolling them into the bedroom. By the time he came back, you still had no idea what to say. He kneeled in front of you and lifted your chin.

“I’m glad you’re here. I missed you.”

Your stomach churned then and you clasped your hands over your mouth while gagging.

“What’s wrong?”

You pointed to your throat, and he got it instantly. Lewis rushed through the halls showing you to the bathroom. Dropping to your knees, you allowed every drink you’d consumed on the flight to empty into the toilet. As you retched Lewis dipped beside you and rubbed your back like the perfectly sweet man he was. It only intensified your “you ain’t shit” feeling and you began crying.

“What? What’s wrong? It’s okay.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No baby. Don’t say that. It’s not your fault. It’s okay. There’s nothing to be sorry for. It’s a baby, a blessing. Not the end of the world.”

You cried more and repeated your sorries. It was all you could get out. You remained on your knees in front of the toilet vomiting with Lewis rubbing your back and whispering soft words to you promising everything would be just fine. After, he got you in the tub and washed your body for you as you relaxed against him. He rubbed every knot out of your muscle, massaged every tension from your scalp, while making your skin gleam and glow.

When he got you in bed he topped it all off with a body massage from head to toe. You didn’t deserve it at all. When you laid on his chest, you tried to find the words.

“Lewis,” you began with a meek voice.

“Princess.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing. I don’t know when along the line of our relationship you got the impression that I was some asshole who would be angry about something like that. I’m not,” he assured.

“You’re not an asshole. I’m the asshole.”

Lewis rolled over to peer into your eyes. “What?”

“How? Why?”

“I—I lied,” you quietly finished.

“Lied? About what?”

“The baby.”

You watched worry and fear wash over his face.

“What do you mean?”

“It—it was supposed to be a prank.”

Lewis rushed a breath out then dropped on his back to stare at the ceiling.

“It was supposed to be payback for your last prank on me with my OB appointment. I didn’t expect you to take it like this. I thought you’d be mad and freak out a little. I didn’t think that you—want it.”

He was so quiet and so unreadable right now you worried he was really hurt.

“I’m sorry baby. I feel like shit now. I didn’t mean to--.”

“So you’re not pregnant.”

“No,” you quietly replied.

Lewis scoffed, covered his face. “Wow.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Wow. Wow. Wow. I was really—I truly—jeez.”

He sat up and stared out into the darkness. You didn’t know how to make this better. You could sense his disappointment, sense his hurt that it wasn’t real. You were speechless and so confused about how long he’d been secretly wanting a baby. Right now didn’t feel like the right time to inquire though.

“Okay. You got me.”

You leaned forward to study his face. “That’s it?”

“Yeah. You got me. I really thought you were pregnant, especially with the way you’ve been acting the last few weeks. Ha! Good one.”

“You’re not angry?”

“Angry that you had the balls to prank me like this or angry that you’re not pregnant?”

You thought about it for a quick minute. “Both.”

Even he looked to think about it. “I’m not angry about the prank. I'd been wondering what you’d do to get me back, but I let my guard down. It was a good prank, ballsy, especially putting it on social but it was good,” he explained.

“And the other?”

“I wouldn’t say I’m angry you’re not pregnant. I’m—disappointed. I should be relieved because as you know our lives right now are chaotic. You with your business, me, and F1. Adding a baby in now would be nuts.”

You heard a but. “But?”

Lewis chewed the inside of his mouth for a few moments then he laid back down. “But the longer I sat with it and thought about what it meant the more I wanted it. I wasn’t mad, or freaking out for the most part, I was relieved it was with you.”

Your heart melted. You rolled on top of him and splayed yourself across his chest. “I’m sorry baby.”

Lewis wrapped his arms around you and traced his fingertips up and down your bare spine.

“How do you feel about a baby—our baby?”

You thought about it for a few moments dividing points into pro and con columns in your head.

“I understand what you’re saying. Our lives are hectic right now. You just signed a contract extension with Mercedes which means more racing, more time away from home. My lingerie line has been blowing up and I just opened a second store location. Things will only get more and more hectic.”

“I want us both to be present,” Lewis added.

“Yeah.”

A contemplative silence filled the room. Both of you were lost in your own thoughts.

“Do you want to have a baby with me, though?”

Your head popped up meeting Lewis’ eyes.

“Only you. No one else.”

A smile slowly spread across Lewis’ lips.

“Only you, no one else,” he repeated.

You kissed him gently and that kiss intensified within seconds. Soon your hands were pushing down Lewis’ shorts with urgency needing to get closer. You were already bare for him, but he needed to catch up. Once his shorts were rumpled at the foot of the bed, you straddled his hips and lowered yourself on his ready and waiting member.

Both of you sighed out in unison relishing the pleasure you only found in each other. As you slowly rocked back and forth on him, Lewis’ hands gripped your hips helping you move. Bit by bit he picked up the pace taking full control of the way your body moved. Back and forth, round and round, up and down.

When you began bouncing on him, Lewis abandoned your hips to cup your breasts. His moans filled the room as his eyes drank in every inch of you. In no time, you felt your orgasm creep up on you. Lewis flipped you onto your back, placed your ankle on his shoulder then took over. That was the final push to send you over the edge.

“Fuuuuck!”

“Mmm!”

Lewis brought your other leg to join the first then held you off the bed as he flicked his hips forward with such force the bed jerked giving the craftmanship a run for its money.

“Yes, baby. Right there!”

“Yeah right there? Like this?”

He slowed his moves, then pulled out fully only to slam his hips into you filling you to capacity. Every time he did it you yelped unable to control yourself.

“Like that?”

“Yes!”

“Mmm, I’m going to fill this sweet little pussy up. You’re gonna be so fucking full of me you can’t walk.”

Lewis ground his hips against you making you feel how impossibly deep he was. Instinctively, you pressed against his abs hoping to keep him at bay, however, he wasn’t having it. Lewis dropped your legs, hovered over you then began rocking into you in the most artful way. His body rocked, ebbed, flowed, rolled, and torpedoed you into yet another release.

As you clenched around him, Lewis groaned.

“So fucking tight. You loving this dick baby?”

“Yes, I love your dick baby. Fuck me.”

“Fuck you’re gonna make me cum, you’re so beautiful when you take this dick.”

You cupped your breasts, holding them out like ripe fruit for him. Lewis dipped down and bit down on your nipple making you wetter than ever.

“Fuuuuuck!”

Lewis lowered his lips to your ear as he fucked into you. “You’d look so fucking pretty with my baby in you. Makes me want to fill this tight cunt up.”

“Fill me, baby. I want your hot cum, I want it now," you whined.

Lewis locked eyes with you just as his hand wrapped around your throat. Rolling your eyes to the back of your head, you let him use you as he wanted.

“You want me to cum deep in this pretty pussy?”

Yes!”

“You’re gonna keep every fucking drop, right where I put it.”

“Fuck Lewis, I’m gonna cum.”

“Cum with me princess.”

His thrusts sped until you were seeing stars and rainbows. It was an impossibility, but it was what you saw. Your moans matched, desires synced and desperation for one another took over. Lewis flicked his hips forward then came so hard and so deep his grunts were all you heard as he released stream after stream. Your body broke out into shivers at the thought of him intentionally trying to knock you up.

Lewis pulled back and dropped his attention between your legs. Slowly he pulled out only to shove himself back inside. It was like he was trying to keep every single drop of himself inside of your body.

“Fuck baby, this pussy looks so good with me dripping out.”

“How good?”

“So good I’m gonna fill you again.”

With that, Lewis crashed his lips to yours and in seconds round two had begun. You felt sorry for him tomorrow because he would be useless with how little sleep he would have gotten. He didn’t seem bothered in the least though. His only thought was fucking you into oblivion until he’d planted a seed.

The next afternoon, you woke alone with a note on Lewis’ pillow.

“See you on the paddock. Love you.”

You sat up and a sea of nausea filled you. Quickly you ran to the bathroom and heaved the contents of your stomach into the toilet. For the life of you, you couldn’t understand what was going on. You’d confessed about the prank you weren’t anxious anymore. Why were you sick? Could it have been jet lag? You’d never experienced nausea with jet lag before and the flight was only 2 hours long. As you went through the possibilities, you continued to heave.

After 20 or so minutes, you got back into bed with your phone and began googling reasons for nausea when first waking. You’d barely put your head on the pillow before the first result popped up. The result had you bolting upward with wide eyes.

“No fucking way.”

You kept scrolling but your mind still lingered on the first result. You thought back over the last weeks to a month trying to debunk it. You’d only made it a few seconds before your eyes widened even more. You swiped open your love tracker and scanned through the last few weeks. There were so many red colored in boxes, that signified every day you’d been intimate, throughout the month you began to panic.

“No way. Right?”

You sprang out of bed and hurried to get dressed. As you did, you tried to find the closest drugstore. In record time you found yourself in the back of the chauffeured car that Lewis had left behind for you to get to the racing grounds. As the car zipped through traffic, your brain was going almost as fast as a Mercedes race car. You were afraid to put your hat in any basket because you just didn't know what was going on.

With your dark sunglasses on and one of Lewis’ bucket hats tipped low, you dipped inside the store and did a once around the store to be sure no one had recognized or noticed you. You then walked in the general vicinity of where those items rested. If you were a NASCAR driver and this was a pit stop, you would have been the fastest back on the track. In less than 5 minutes you were back in the car and headed back to the penthouse.

Soon you sat in the bathroom at the edge of the huge porcelain tub staring at the 14 boxes of pregnancy tests. You couldn't decide on which one, so you bought 2 of every brand, 5 from brands you knew and the other 2 from unheard-of probably local brands. With a large juiced vegetable and fruit blend in hand, you attempted to finish it off. Since you'd returned another bout of nausea hit you that took nearly 30 minutes to pass.

Right now you were stalling. You had to pee so you could easily take them but it was the thought that crippled you. Right now the unknown felt like a comforting place to be. In 10 or so minutes you would either be disappointed or happy. You were in Lewis' shoes in reverse.

You sighed, guzzled the rest of the juice, then slammed it on the sink counter as a wave of determination filled you.

“Okay, Okay, okay. I got this. I got this. I got this!”

You grabbed the disposable mouthwash cup then tackled it head-on. Once you’d finished and ripped open every bod, you dripped the tips into the cup and laid them all out on the counter. You’d told yourself to sit right back on the edge of the tub, but your legs would not obey. So, you paced the room. Back and forth, back, and forth, round and round, corner to corner, wall to wall.

By the time your phone went off indicating time was up, you were perched on the porcelain tub staring out to nothing thinking of everything. You remained there for a minute more trying to control your breathing then you stood and approached the mess of tests on the counter in organized chaos.

Hyping yourself, you took the first up and stared at the window. Your breath hitched and you moved to take another test up. Glancing at it, you were met with the same answer. You sifted through the tests, taking them up, looking at the results, and moving to the next. You checked once, then twice and every single one of them mirrored back one collective and cohesive—positive.

“Plot fucking twist,” you said.

Your phone sounded making you open your messages to see Lewis’ name.

MSG Lewis: Feeling better?

You scoffed. His timing was impeccable. You took another calming breath before you replied.

MSG: Not much but I’m okay.

MSG Lewis: Still throwing up?

MSG: Here and there.

MSG Lewis: You can stay in bed today. I’ll see you after.

MSG: Not a chance. I’ll be there. Wouldn’t want to miss your P1.

MSG Lewis: Don’t push yourself.

MSG: Says the man who only got like an hour of sleep because he kept pushing for round after round.

MSG Lewis: Wasn’t much pushing needed. You know I can go for days.

You couldn’t help but chuckle. He was always cocky; it didn’t matter about what. You stepped back and took a picture of all the tests making sure a few showed the results then you began getting yourself ready.

~~~~~~~

By the time you got to the racing grounds, it was packed. With two of Lewis’ guards flanking your left and right, you walked through saying hello to the drivers, waving at faces you knew, and taking some footage for your socials. You even had some approach you to congratulate you on the pregnancy. It tripped you up for a second because you’d just found out but then you remembered your prank that had gone wrong and was not right back on track. Every time someone came up and said it you couldn’t help but giggle. It was all so ironic.

Once you made it to Mercedes, the crew saw you first. They began clapping and as you approached. When you were close enough many of them patted you on the back as they expressed their happiness over the news.

“Our first Mercedes driver baby. Congratulations.”

“Uh, thank—you.”

You smiled and tipped your head at the others who were smiling from ear to ear. Toto approached with a grin.

“Such great news, Y/N. You and Lewis are going to be amazing parents. You can count on Suzie and me up for babysitting.”

You nervouisly giggled. “I think we’ll hold you to that.”

“Eh-em.”

To the left Lewis approached with his brow crooked.

“There he is, the soon to be dad.”

He looked evidently uncomfortable as he stood beside you.

“About that," Lewis began.

“He’s going to be such an amazing dad,” you said while staring at him.

The two of you stood there staring at one another. You in complete love and adoration of him, and he in utter confusion. Gradually everyone took the hint and went back to what they were doing before you got there.

“What’re—what’re you doing? Shouldn’t you be telling them it was all a prank?”

“Maybe that’s how it started but—we’re past that now.”

“What do you mean?”

You laced your fingers with his then smiled.

“I—I’m pregnant.”

Lewis looked even more confused.

“What? Is this about last night? I’m sure it’s too soon to be--."

You snorted as you rolled your eyes. “Seriously?”

“What? You said it wasn’t real.”

“It wasn’t, not then. Or maybe it was but I didn’t know. You didn’t put a baby in me last night. There was already one in me. I got sick again this morning and that made me look back into some things on my calendars which had me taking 14 pregnancy tests and they are all positive.”

Lewis’s eyes widened.

“What?”

You nodded. “Yeah. I’m pregnant.”

“For real, for real?”

“So for real for real.”

Lewis looked down to your stomach area, then to your face. He smiled before he lifted you into the air. You laughed as he spun you around. Your combined laughter brought the attention of nearly everyone around you.

“Oh my god. We’re having a baby?”

He put you down then peered into your eyes. “Yep.”

He snorted then laughed heartily. “What a fucking plot twist.”

“Right! oh my god.”

The two of you cackled together before he kissed you, not caring who was watching. When his hand cupped your backside you squealed.

“Behave.”

“Not a chance. I can’t believe I put a baby in you.”

“Me neither.”

“Are you happy?”

You smiled and nodded. “Very.”

The way he smiled back at you made your heart swell. You were sure you looked like fools in love giggling with each other like idiots but neither of you cared. Lewis cupped your cheek and then softly caressed your skin.

“You and me.”

You took his other hand and put it on your stomach.

“Plus baby makes three. And with Roscoe--.”

“Makes a home,” Lewis finished.

A stray tear rolled down your cheek, but Lewis’ thumb flicked it away then kissed the spot it once laid.

The news must have been what he needed because a few hours later he stood on that podium claiming that P1. You beamed at him while you tenderly held your nonexistent bump, feeling closer to him than ever before.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[reifromrfa]

Mystictober 2024: Favorite Character/Hourglass

Hello, it's been a while (ᵕ—ᴗ—) I really missed the mysme universe and, though life is still busy, I'm trying to make time to do things I love; one of which is writing, even if I only write one fanfic per year lol XD

Sooo without further ado, here's a short fic based on this list by @sensetenou :)

P.S. I think tumblr broke my post, I can't add the "Keep reading" link after editing a typo ;A;

Vanderwood

He steps out of the cabin and takes a long, deep breath

It feels suffocating inside

With that damn 707, the girl, and their blue-haired friend...

Vanderwood ties his hair into a low ponytail and reaches for the pack of cigarettes in his pocket

Taking a stick, he lifts it to his lips

He pats his pockets for his lighter and mutters a curse under his breath when he realizes he left it inside

With a frustrated groan, he turns around—

—and he freezes

Standing before him, a nervous smile on her face, was the girl

MC

"You left this inside, I thought you could use it," she says, holding out the lighter to him

His throat feels tight and Vanderwood can hear the loud drumming of his heart against his ribcage

It takes every bit of his strength not to reach out and pull her into his arms

MC tucks her hair behind her ear, outstretched hand wavering as Vanderwood stood there staring at her

He clenches one hand into a fist

Then slowly relaxes his hand, his shoulders drooping as he resigns himself to the fact that she'll never recognize him

And it was all his fault

"Thanks," he mutters, cigarette still between his lips

He holds out his hand, expecting her to drop the lighter onto his palm

But the girl looks up at him and then lights the device, holding it close to his lips

Instinctively, he leans closer before he could even stop himself

As MC focuses on lighting the end of his cigarette, he can't help but stare into her eyes

At the reflection of the flames in them

"Maybe it's the fire in your eyes that I love, baby."

"Because it matches yours?"

"Hahaha MC, baby, I don't think my fire even comes close to yours."

"It's because got this fire from you, baby. You're the one who inspires me to be bold and brave."

MC takes a step back, smiling at him

Vanderwood takes a step back too, looking away from her

Blinking away the memories he so desperately wants to cling to

"Thanks," he mumbles, taking a long drag

Allowing the poison to fill his lungs before blowing a puff of white smoke away from where MC stands

"Umm...so..."

He glances at her

She has her hands clasped together in front of her

Then she bows to him, which startles Vanderwood

"Thank you so much for helping us save him."

Him

That V guy

Her current route

"Hey, don't worry about it," he replies, rubbing the back of his neck

He doesn't want to hear this

He doesn't want to listen to her talk about how much she loves that man

Because she once felt that way about him, too

MC straightens and grins at him

"I mean it. You saved his life and I hope I can repay your kindness one day."

Vanderwood waves a gloved hand dismissively, pulling the cigarette from his lips

"If I didn't do it," he forces himself to say. "707 would be distracted and he'd stop doing his damn job and we'd both be fucked."

She gives him a look that says she doesn't buy a single word out of his mouth

"Even so, without you that elixir might've brought more harm to him...Whatever your reasons, I'm really grateful to have you here, Vanderwood."

A mixture of feelings erupt from his chest, despite all his efforts to smother them

The bloom of hope, the scathing pang of hurt

Despair in the knowledge that she'll never recognize him ever again

Vanderwood looks to the door that leads back into the cabin, unable to meet her eyes

"You really care for him, huh?" he asks, careful to keep his feelings hidden

"Do you love me, MC?"

"Yes," she answers, her voice full of emotion

Vanderwood's brows furrow as he puts the cigarette back to his lips, turning his back to MC and choosing to gaze up at the stars instead

Here, out in the middle of fucking nowhere

Away from the city lights

They can actually see the starry night sky

Out here, away from the hustle and bustle of the city, everything is quiet

He can hear the grass and leaves rustling from the gentle night breeze

Hear the crickets and owls

Hear his own heart breaking all over again

MC moves to stand beside him but Vanderwood doesn't dare look at her

He keeps his gaze up at the stars, remembering his promise to her

"It's beautiful out here, right?"

"It's only beautiful because you're here, baby."

I don't have the right to call her that anymore

He lost that right when he gave her up

But it wasn't because he didn't love her anymore

No...

He doesn't think it's possible to love anyone else but her

His MC

But when MC only chose his route, over and over again

When he and MC found a way to be together —breaking through the codes and the walls

Breaking the impossible

...the system found a way to keep them apart

"NO!" Vanderwood yells, holding MC in his arms

She's not moving, her eyes closed, her breathing shallow

His big hand envelops her smaller one as he cradles her to his chest, tears rolling down his cheek as the red stain on her clothes start spreading

"Baby, stay with me, baby. Please. I'll get you to a hospital, MC. Please, I'm sorry. I'm sorry! Don't leave me, MC. Please. Please!"

He tries to lift her into his arms, but he hears the cock of guns and he protectively holds her close, glaring at the men in suits surrounding them

Each one with guns trained at the couple

A lone woman in a suit approaches them, her face expressionless as she gazes at Vanderwood and MC

"This could have been avoided, had she not foolishly jumped in front of you."

"You fucking bitch!"

Still, the woman remains impassive

She steps forward, closer to where Vanderwood and MC are

"You can save her, you know."

Vanderwood glares at the woman, but she continues

"I offer you the choice, ██████ ███," she says, lifting her hand and opening her palm

Over it, a hologram of an hourglass appears and becomes solid

"Return to the game and reset the clock. Go back to the beginning and undo what has been done. Or..."

The woman's eyes go to MC's pale form

"...live with your reality."

Return to the game...rewind time?

"If I do that...reset the game," he begins through gritted teeth. "She'll live? She'll be okay? She'll...be happy?"

"Yes. But she'll forget about you. And, to prevent a repeat of your insolence, we're removing your route from the game. We'll take your name, ██████ ███, your identity, your story...she will be happier this way, believe me."

Vanderwood's head snaps up, his eyes widening

Then...that means...

No.

"What the fuck?! If I fucking agree to this, then—"

Then I'll lose her forever

"You're losing her now, ██████."

He tenses and looks back at his girl, whose eyes flutter open slightly

She shakes her head, those beautiful eyes filled with tears

"No...don't."

"Shhh, it's okay, MC. It's gonna be okay," he whispers, his heart twisting painfully in his chest

The answer is obvious...so fucking obvious

He's the one who broke the game, who defied all the rules and brought this shit onto her life

He's the one who put her in danger in the first place...

"Mi███n...please," she pleads in a soft voice, panicking at what she sees in his eyes

"I'd rather die, having lived my life with you than live the rest of my life without you."

Vanderwood chuckles sadly, leaning down and pressing his lips to hers

He presses his forehead to hers, holding her close to him

One last time

"MC, baby..."

"I love you so damn much."

"There's not a single day of my life where I won't be loving you, MC."

"You're my North Star...you'll always be my home, you'll always be the light in my life."

"That's why I have to say goodbye."

"I can't...I can't live in a world without you, baby."

"I'm sorry...this is so fucking selfish of me, but I'm just a character in a game."

"You are REAL."

She sobs and winces, reaching out and cupping his cheek despite the pain

"You're real to me, ██nj█n."

He smiles and kisses her again

"Even if your mind doesn't remember me," he whispers between kisses

"I hope your heart won't forget me."

The woman, watching the two lovers, turns the hourglass

Around them, everything slowly fades into dust

Vanderwood smiles at MC, tears streaming down his cheeks as he memorizes all the details about her

MC holds onto him with the last of her strength, panic coursing through her body

She doesn't want this, she doesn't want to leave him

"Hey, lady," Vanderwood tells the woman without looking at her

"I have one favor to ask. Please."

"Yeah," Vanderwood replies to MC, keeping his gaze trained at the brightest star in the sky

"It's beautiful."

"Vanderwood..."

He turns to look at her and sees a confused expression on her face

"Have we...?"

The door suddenly bursts open and Seven comes out, a smile on his face

"He's awake!" he informs MC

A smile spreads across her face and she bows again to Vanderwood

"Thank you, Vanderwood!"

She runs inside and he watches her go, swallowing the lump in his throat

Guess he'll have to get used to this

Watching her from afar as she runs into the arms of another man

A man that will never be him, ever again

"After all this time?"

Vanderwood rolls his eyes, blinking away the hurt and pain and arranging his expression into one of annoyance

He turns his back on Seven, putting his cigarette back between his lips

"Aww c'mon. This is the perfect time to re-enact that scene from Garry Potted!"

"Go back to fucking work, Seven."

Seven stares at Vanderwood's wide back, a sad smile on his face

Even though Vanderwood isn't aware of it, Seven actually knows who he is

What he's been through

After all...Vanderwood isn't the only one working on breaking the game's code

Working on ending the reset system, once and for all

Seven wishes he could do more to comfort his friend

But instead, he goes back inside and sits on the couch

Cracking his fingers, Seven focuses his gaze on his laptop screen

"Hang in there, Minjun. We'll get out of this one."

"Promise."

・・・・☆・・・・☆ ・・・・

If you're reading this, thank you so much for reading my fic ;w; I hope you enjoyed it <3

P.S. Minjun is a name I made for Vanderwood, but it's not official or anything! Still hoping and praying Cheritz makes a route for him ;w;

Check out my other Mysme writings here!

Mango Shake/Ko-fi is always very much appreciated (ᵔᴥᵔ)

[missnxthingg]

Just for Tonight | Xavier Thorpe

Summary: Xavier Thorpe might not be best friends with (Y/N), but when he sees her crying at the Rave'N, he couldn't help it but go talk to her

A/N: So might obsession with Xavier Thorpe and Wednesday might've gone too far. So this is my fanfic comeback - in another fandom. I still don't have a taglist for Xavier, but let me know if you want to be tagged in future potential fics. OH, AND PLEASE SEND ME REQUESTS FOR HIM! I wanna write, but I don't have inspos right now. (EDIT: If it wasn't explicit enough, I DO NOT ALLOW ANYONE TO REPOST MY STORIES ON ANY OTHER ACCOUNTS. If you wanna read my stories on Wattpad, you can follow me there [@missnxthingg])

Words: 2.5K

Pairing: Xavier Thorpe x Female!Reader

Warnings: Not proof read, so there might be some typos. I think there might be a few cursings. But other than that, just a little bit of enemies to lovers that we're all found of

main masterlist | main blog | taglist

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Xavier Thorpe hated (Y/N) (Y/L/N). That wasn't news to anyone in Nevermore. He hated how smart she was and how she seemed to be friends with everyone around her. He got easily annoyed with her mere presence in the room. But tonight, something different sparkled inside him when he saw her leaving the room crying.

She had been excited for the Rave'N since they announced a date. She got even more excited when Harry McGowan invited her as his date. Enid dragged her and Wednesday for a shopping spree, where she found a beautiful baby blue dress. Everything was perfect, until Harry dumped her right after they arrived at the dance for one of Yoko's vampire friends.

(Y/N)'s golden and happy aura dissipated immediately after those words came out of Harry's mouth. She ran out of the room with tears in her eyes. She just didn't count that Xavier Thorpe was sitting alone at a table, watching the whole thing unfold in front of his eyes. 

After a huge fight with his father, he decided he wasn't in the mood to invite someone to the dance as a date. Actually, he was only sitting there because Ajax would kill him if he didn't tag along. But when his best friend got occupied with his own date, Xavier was left sipping on virgin punch, that tasted more like cough syrup, on the dining table

So when (Y/N) ran across the room, something clicked inside Xavier's head. His chest got heavy and he immediately shot up from his seat and ran after her. She was crying alone in the corner, sitting on the floor close to the toilets.

He ducked in front of her, who now had her face between her knees, shielding it from anyone else to see her crying. But Xavier let a hand fly to her shoulder, making (Y/N) look up.

"Hey, are you okay?" His voice sounded softer than any of the other times he talked to her. Anyone could hear how worried Xavier was at that moment. (Y/N) looked up and found his piercing green eyes observing her with attention.

"No." She admitted, crying a little bit harder. "But I don't think you would like to hear about it. You can't stand me, after all."

"Come on, you're crying. I would never, ever, walk away from you like this." He said. "And I don't hate you, even if you don't believe it. Maybe you could try pretending I'm a friend to you."

(Y/N) stayed silent, looking at his face to decide what to do, until she nodded "Harry McGowan ditched me for one of Yoko's friends. Said she was hotter and that he didn't want to be my date anymore."

"What a fucking asshole, I'm gonna beat the shit out of him." Xavier's jaw clenched and he quickly shot up to go talk to Harry. But (Y/N) ran after him and held him by the elbow.

"No, Xavier! Please, it would be worse to end the night at Weems' office talking about what happened." She said and his eyes softened when he saw that she was crying harder now. (Y/N)'s eyeliner was smudged, almost ruining the soft, but pretty, makeup she was wearing.

"Do you have eyeliner with you?" He asked and she nodded, pointing to her purse. "Okay, let's go find a restroom."

Fortunately, the men's restroom was empty. Xavier took her by the hand and helped her sit on the sink to get a better vision of her face. He took a few paper wipes and started planning what he would do next.

"What are you doing?" She asked and he shushed her.

"Taking care of you." He said. "No pretty girl deserves to cry at the Rave'N."

"Suddenly I'm a pretty girl to you?" She asked. "You literally shouted how annoying I am for the whole school to hear countless of times. And now you're taking care of me?"

"I don't know, (Y/N)." He said, taking the paper to clean the smudge makeup spots on her face. "I saw you crying and I couldn't take it. I needed to see if you were okay."

(Y/N) could see how honest he was from up close. Xavier was concentrated on his job, fixing the makeup like the very detailed artist he is. So she simply decided to believe his words and let him do his job.

"You shouldn't cry, though. Harry's an idiot for thinking anyone else looks prettier than you tonight." He said. "He's just wrong."

"You think so?"

"Are you kidding me? Look at you." Xavier laughed. His pretty dimples showed on his face, making (Y/N) smile. "You look amazing, (Y/N)."

"Thank you." She said. 

Now Xavier had her pen eyeliner in hands and asked her to close her eyes. Doing this was easier than he thought it would be. It's like paiting details on a canvas. Soon he was done and (Y/N) was back to how she looked when she first crossed the entrance.

"Where's your date?" 

"Didn't invited anyone." He admitted. "I'm having a few problems with my dad and I wasn't in the mood for partying. Ajax dragged me here tonight."

"I'm so sorry." (Y/N) rested a hand on his shoulder and smiled sadly. "I'm here if you wanna talk."

"It's stupid. We're always arguing about his absence in my life. But he doesn't agree with me because he believes money is enough." (Y/N) saw his eyes brimming with tears and didn't hesitate in pulling him into a hug. Xavier was surprised at first, but easily melted into her touch.

"I think both of us needed this tonight." She whispered in his ear.

"I think we did." He replied, holding her a little tighter, afraid she would let go too soon. Xavier didn't know he needed someone to be there for him until that moment.

It's been a while since anyone hugged him. It felt so warm and nice, especially coming from (Y/N). So he rested his head above hers and sighed, trying to not fall into a heavier cry. This wasn't about him. He was there to comfort her.

"I'm sorry." He started, his head still comfortably resting above hers. "For being a dick with you all the time. You're not a bad person."

"It's okay, I was an idiot too." She said back, still holding him close to her. "You're not bad, either. Actually, I have to say thank you for comforting me tonight."

"It was nothing." He giggled during his crying. "No one deserves to miss the dance because of some stupid boy." 

"Then dance with me." She leaned back and looked him in the eyes. (Y/N) wiped the tears from Xavier's face, making him smile. And so, he offered his hand to help her off the restroom's sink.

"It will be my pleasure." He pulled her back to the room where everyone was having a good time. 

Of course, the duo walking into the room together brought a lot of attention to them. Most people were surprised to see them holding hands, not choking each other's throats. Xavier and (Y/N) danced to a lot of upbeat songs and some good classics through the night, making everything they went through that night disappear. But when a slow song started, things changed.

"I don't know how to slow dance." She admitted and Xavier's eyes softened.

"I'll teach you." He pulled her in, one hand resting on her hip and the other one holding hers. (Y/N) left her free hand on his shoulder, but still was very far away from him. "Come on, I don't bite."

Feeling her cheeks heat up, (Y/N) took a step forward and got closer to Xavier. He pulled her even closer a few seconds later, making it perfectly intimate.

"This is good." He whispered. "Now we just sway to the song. There's no secret recipe to slow dance.

"Okay." She smiled at him and started following his steps to the song. Xavier never felt so relaxed in his life and he didn't know why.

But when (Y/N) rested her face on his chest, he knew why he felt so relaxed. He was with her, after all. And suddenly, all the months filled with hatred and fights became clear to him: he only got annoyed because he liked her. Now that they let their guards down, it was easy to see it.

And oh, he was so close. Xavier could just lean down and kiss her right there. But he couldn't. He didn't want their kiss to be judged by everyone watching around. Not to mention that (Y/N) looked so peaceful with her eyes closed, swaying her body to the music.

"I thought my night was ruined, but you really turned it around, Xavi."

"Xavi?" He asked, a little surprised by the way she called him.

"It's a nickname, don't you like it?" She asked and he smiled.

"I do." He said. "It's just, I'm not used to it. But it's a cute nickname."

"Like the owner." She smiled up to him and Xavier could swear he would die right there. He just wanted to kiss her, but he didn't want to do it in a crowded room.

"Can I take you somewhere?"

She frowned in confusion, but trusted him to take her somewhere private. And they walked for a few minutes until reaching a small shed in the woods. (Y/N) knew it was his private art studio, but she had never stepped inside. It was like walking into Xavier's mind, one of the most different experiences in her life. They had their hands linked together, fingers laced and everything. He searched for some reaction on her face.

"This is my studio." He said. "I think that if we are being vulnerable tonight, this is the place where I am vulnerable all the time."

"Everything in here is amazing." She took a good look at some of his sketches pinned on the wall, admiring most of them.

"I have a drawing of you." He admitted. "Bigger than I'd like to admit."

Xavier uncovered a canvas and showed (Y/N) a big painting of her, focusing on her book at the library and scrunching her nose in concentration. He smiled to remember the day he sketched that, another bad afternoon she turned around just by existing.

"I was so fucking sad that day. I was pissed and wanted to be alone. But of course, my Miss Perfect was at the library." He said. "But you were just so concentrated in your book, looking beautiful as hell, and didn't even notice me in the room. So I just started drawing you in silence and it made me feel better."

"I look so beautiful in this one."

"You always do. I think that's your superpower." He giggled. "And it's my favorite painting here. I love everything about it."

"I think it just became my favorite too." She said with a big smile. "You never really hated me, did you?"

"I think it was just me failing on how to express my feelings." He said. "My communication only works through art."

"Well, if you're gonna continue drawing me, then you'll have to stop with the stupid fights over nothing." She poked his chest, teasing him with a pretty smirk.

"Never again, promise you." He extended his pinky and she took it with her own finger. "Thank you for the company tonight."

"No, thank you for consoling me tonight." (Y/N) said. "I really needed someone to take care of me at that moment and I'm glad it was you."

"Yeah, I'm glad too." He smiled. "You know, when I saw you crying, I just couldn't take it. I wanted to take care of you."

"You did, Xavi." She held his face between her hands and he glued his forehead to hers. "And I'll always remember this as the night you were there for me."

Xavier was paralyzed by her gaze, so he didn't talk for a few seconds until he said: "I really want to kiss you right now."

(Y/N) replied by pressing her lips to his in a gentle kiss. Xavier was mesmerized by how she tasted in his mouth, but easily grew fond of that new feeling. So he deepened the kiss by tugging her on the waist and pulling her closer to him. She parted her lips and he easily captured her tongue in a bolder move. She smiled into the kiss, but didn't stop it for a second. But after a long time slowly making out in the quiet night, Xavier had to pull away.

"God, you're so beautiful." He put a stray of her hair behind her ear and smiled wider.

"You said that like three times tonight."

"Just can't help myself." He joked, making her laugh. "Especially when you're out there serving looks in this amazing dress."

"Well, you're not far behind." (Y/N) fixed the bow he wrapped around his neck to substitute the usual tie. Xavier got to see every detail from her face by looking at her so close to him.

"Come on, I'll walk you back to your dorm." He extended a hand to her and she whined, hiding her face in the crook of his neck. 

"Don't want tonight to end." She whispered and he hugged her tightly. "Can we stay here?"

"You have to sleep, beautiful." He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "And I'll be here tomorrow. We can have breakfast together and we can hang around here. What do you think?"

"I think that would be great."

He captured her lips in one last kiss and softly dragged her out of the shed. Most students were getting back from the party at that time. Xavier and (Y/N) took their time on the walk back, arms linked and casual conversation making everything nicer. 

When they got back to Ophelia Hall, Xavier was glad Thornhill was still at the party. So he got to take (Y/N) up to her room, where they shared a few more goodbye kisses when no one was around. 

"Thank you for everything tonight." She fixed the collar of his shirt and smiled. "When everything turned to shit, you made it all perfect again."

"I had an amazing time with you." He admitted. "I'm glad we get to be friends after everything we went through."

"I think we skipped a few steps on this new friendship." She laughed and he tagged along before pecking her lips again.

"Don't really care right now." He said. "We can be friends that kiss each other."

"I can take it." She kissed him again until they heard someone coming in the hall.

"Hey, good night, beautiful." He kissed her forehead and smiled down at her. "I'll see you tomorrow for breakfast.

"Good night, Xavi." She returned his gesture with a kiss on the cheek. "Sleep tight."

"I'll be thinking of you." He shouted from the end of the hall, making (Y/N) giggled.

"Me too." She shouted back before entering her room again.

❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁

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[rosesnink]

The Penitent and the Lamb

Author's Notes

Surprise, @gaiuskamilah ! I'm your Secret Pal! I think it's either destiny or Dani's @choicesfandomappreciation 's matchmaking genius that has brought us together in this exchange, which is my fave exchange! I've enjoyed your content, meta and outwordly art for a while, and I am more than glad to have written this delicious puece of Niaerin! Your content is always so unique and intricate, with an incredible attention to detail and every relationship you write is soo rich in complexity, it's simply a treat to come into your blog! I hope this little piece makes justice to your vision and that you enjoy a major toxic yuri fic made specifically for you <3. Love, Noe

English isn't my first language, so please forgive any typos/grammar mistakes

This piece is rated +18, if you're a minor I'd advise you to not interact with this piece. Trigger warnings will be placed and tagged accordingly

If you like my Blades content, feel free to check out my masterlist and to ask for a place in the taglist!

This is my first time writing smut, so please bear with me lsjehdiebvudulkw

The F!Aerin sprite credit goes to the insanely talented @zhoras-bitch who was kind enough to let me borrow her edit for this ❤

Summary: Nia and Aerinae's journey has been no short of trouble and complex, but they keep coming back to the other like a moth to a flame, even if it kills them

Word Count: 4.9k

Category: Fantasy, dark romance, LGBTQA+

Pairing: Nia Ellarious x Aerinae Valleros (F!Aerin)

TW: Smut, themes of violence, kidnapping, strong language and religious themes such as religious trauma, guilt, among others. Reader's discretion is advised

Book: Blades of Light and Shadow Trilogy

Nia barely remembers her parents. She remembers that her mother smelled of cinnamon, that she loved to pick flowers for her hair and had auburn hair, flowing down till her waist, with beautiful emerald green eyes and a penchant for books. Her father, however, was a shy and quiet man, with brown skin and pensive brown eyes, always looking for a brilliant idea for his job. Then, she remembers the robed people in the temple, how they talked to her parents. How she remembers showing magical affinity. Saying goodbye. Hearing her mother cry out “Oh, my, oh my girl! Don’t take her from me! She is my girl! My firstborn child! Please!” She’d never see her again.

And when she asked Scholar Vash about her, he told her she had died from an illness, and that her father followed shortly after. Then, before Brienne, before Aerinae ruined her, she remembers small but meaningful flashbacks.

In one of the classes with her fellow acolytes, her professor told them “To give in to the sins of flesh is to sin, and to sin is to be led astray from the temple. You have all one mission, one thing to worship: the Light. It is all you have, all you need. People will come and go. Kings and lords will die, but all that matters is the Light.”

Or when they eventually grew up into teenagers full of questions… and questionable acts. One of their professors was furiously whipping two girls, their backs bare as they screamed “Foolish girls! How dare you turn back from the Light?! How many times have we told you the consequences of—of sinful fornication! Priests and priestesses are above the needs of the flesh! You two are banned for the Temple.” They were never seen again. Nia still wonders if they made it out of the Temple’s reach… or if Solerne found them, and took care of them.

Vash placed a hand on a seventeen-year-old Nia “You are progressing more than the year. You are very powerful, my child. More than we have seen in decades. And one day, you will do something great, and the Temple will reward you with its greatest gift: immortality.” “Immortality?” “Not that kind. The kind that your name will be written all over the history books, songs and legends. Many great priests and priestesses will come and go after you are gone, but only the name Nia Ellarious will remain.”

Or her worst memory, one of the last with Vash… when Brienne came into her life. Vash talked to her while Brienne and her brother teased one another “Nia, my child, don’t you think I haven’t seen the way that… adventurer looks at you… and your responses.” “Scholar Vash?” “She is an unusual beauty, but remember that a priestess like you is above the needs of the flesh. Let her look, but not touch. Your body belongs to the Light, not some mercenary.” “…Understood, Scholar Vash.”

That had been her life. Books, classes, training, and then the pilgrimage. But now, she was on a quest. A quest that led her to meet a beautiful and sweet princess, Aerinae. She saw how she and Brienne were talking, and a pang of jealousy came over her. Jealousy… or guilt? Priestesses were above the needs of the flesh. Then why did she want them both? She shook her head, and when Brienne went ahead to talk to Tyril, she didn’t miss a beat on talking to Aerinae on the pond. This time, she allowed herself to truly take her in: light skin, striking brown eyes, an elegant, long neck, a red dress decorated with a delicate tiara of the Valleros dynasty, with fine bone structure and plump, tempting lips, but most of all, a maddeningly enticing essence of rosewater and cherry blossoms. Taking a deep breath, she gave the quieter princess a smile “She is just lovely, isn’t she?”

The princess fidgeted with her hand, which was made of long, elegant fingers, which looked smooth, even though the middle one had a small bump. Of writing and reading so much, no doubt. The idea of the princess in her nightgown reading with her hair down—which now was in an elaborate, braided updo—was tempting, and Nia had to swallow such desires. Your body belongs to the Light.

“She is… different. You, however… are the odd one out.”

Nia blushed and mumbled “Everyone seems to know everything, and I…”

Aerinae gave her a gentle smile “I know what it’s like. To not truly belong. When you are the only daughter of a king, that weight… is unbearable. My brother is the strongest, the most handsome, the fittest… and a man. No matter what I do, or how well I prove myself, all I can think is… all they see is my gender. They do not see—Never mind. I’ve… accepted my fate,” she sounded now angry, resentful, but mostly… lonely. Lonely and scared. “They’ll marry me to some lord as old as time to ensure their house’s loyalty, and all I’ll do is be confined in a small, cold room, giving birth to heir after heir. It’s… all I’ve been trained to do. The life I am meant to.”

“That is… Gods, that’s cruel. Surely your father—,”

“Sees me as a liability. I am nearing my prime age for marriage. Not one lord seems to be interested in me, all they see is… the bloody crown and my royal womb. It’s… humiliating. Degrading, even.”

Nia took her hands in hers and squeezed them “I am sorry. Perhaps I could talk with the High Priest? Surely they’ll let you come to the priesthood. You wouldn’t be the first princess to join our ranks.” She beamed “We’d be sisters, you and I. Wouldn’t you like that?”

Aerinae flinched and yanked off her hands, breathing suddenly heavily “It is too late. The plan to… to marry me to someone is set into motion.”

“Aerinae—,”

“My brother is calling me.”

Before she could say anything, she was gone.

She had done it, Aerinae thought. As she dragged Nia through the halls of the castle, she thought she’d feel fulfilled. She had killed her brother, her kin, who often mocked that women couldn’t trounce men. They were too weak, too meek, too stupid to hold a sword. All they were good for was pleasing their husbands and raise their children. Nothing more. It had been… incredible. Watching him gawk at her like an idiot when she ran him through. He had died at her hands. The hands of the woman he mocked, tore down and often even abused in many levels. Slapping her. Dragging her by the hair. Daring his friends to tell her that he liked her. Went as far as to send one drunken man to her chambers when she was changing, him saying that she’d do anything for a sack of three silver coins. She had been terrified that night, and all she could hear was her brother’s boisterous laughter. But now it had been his turn to be scared, and he had died scared.

Then why don’t I feel like my purpose has been met?

Brienne’s gaze full of horror haunted her yet again. For a moment, she thought that she wanted her still. But no. Her heart was too set into the Light. She did not see what she saw, she was far too sheltered in her little village, with a loving brother and father. They were not kin. Dr. Kerrigan was an old medic, Kade was a human, and Brienne an orc. If they shared next to no blood bounds, who come it was so damn easy for them to love one another? Why not her? Why. Not. Her?!

No matter, she thought. She had the Dreadlord and the court. They were her family now. A little odd, but far stranger things had been seen.

“Aerinae… please… what of the kiss we shared? Of the feelings exchanged?”

Aerinae flinched. As Brienne disappeared, Nia had found the princess’ chambers, and the two had kissed for the first time… in ever.

“…I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”

Aerinae observed her, trying to ignore the pain of the stone in her chest “And what of Brienne? You two seemed cozy.”

“Not more than you.”

There was no jealousy, or possessiveness. Just a thrill that shouldn’t be there.

“I do not mind sharing. The Temple taught us to be generous.” She saw Nia flush under that statement. Aerinae chuckled.

“If kings and princesses can have two or more mistresses at once, why not princesses?”

Nia bit her lip “Is… that what I am, Aerinae? A mere mistress?”

She shook her head and tentatively reached for her, stroking her cheek “No. That is the problem. You are… so much more. It is maddening, how drawn I am to you. To you both.”

Then, she remembered the many romance books she read at night under her pillow, a small candle lighting it. Then prince kissed the woman, and their tongues danced. But instead, their noses bumped, and both women winced and chuckled.

“Let me, Your Highness…”

They kissed. For the first time, she felt… alive. It felt right. Her hands went to her hair, smelling cinnamon and Light. Tomorrow, she’d be her lamb. Today, she was her paramour, kissing her at everybody’s backs, not caring if anyone else could watch her. The betrayal would be a tomorrow issue. Tonight, she wanted to see what made a priestess of the light feel like a sinner repenting in a church after a passionate night.

“Do I mean so little to you?”

“You don’t… but it’s too late.”

Nia went back to screaming and thrashing.

When Nia sacrificed herself, she knew she’d die. As she closed her eyes and Brienne let out a blood-curling scream, she could see and feel two things; the last memories of her life, from looking at Brienne for the first time, to Aerinae, to Brienne again as her heartbeats stopped. Then, a flick of Shadow and Light inside her, pulling her back to life.

Then, it was all a blissful blur. Capturing Aerinae, being awarded, and finally being in Brienne’s arms, and my, that was a bigger delight than any other delicacy in the world. It felt like they were two little hermits in their own abandoned church, worshipping one another as their mouths and hands entangled between them, the balcony being a testifier of the moans and writhes, Nia’s name sounding like the most sacred of prayers as her tongue moves against her, their hips rocking and her hands trembling of bliss, such celestial bliss, she felt like reaching the sky. She felt like a goddess, Nifara perhaps, and Brienne was her most loyal and beloved subject, on her knees, beautiful and her body full of her love and desire. And Nia, while clueless of what to do, nevertheless followed her instincts. Her primal instincts.

Months ago, she would’ve been afraid of being whipped like those two girls, but now she did not care. She was a heroine in her own right, and all she wanted was to make the confident Brienne squirm and moan her name with abandon and devotion. Many said that fornication led to corruption, but she had never felt more alive or holier than now. She was now on her knees, watching the most beautiful woman she had ever seen against the balcony, her incredibly striking body naked and wanting for her, her legs spread out, her knees trembling as her legs drove her inside of her as humanly possible, her head lolled back as she begged for more. It reminded her of her prayers. Full of incantation, reverence, devotion and need. For it to be real. To exist. To do something about it. The Gods may be real or not, but Brienne was real. She was real, she existed, and she was panting and moaning her name, something unheard of Nia a few months ago, she though, as she devoured her like she was her last meal before dying. And my, she has never had a sweeter and more delectable meal.

But it all crumbled down when, a few days later, Brienne was taken of her for a whole year, and her coming back would change forever the world as she knew it.

It had happened after Brienne was gone. It had been a terrible day, and on top of it, she had found a corset of Aerinae’s lost in a dressing room. It all came crumbling back. And then… Shadow.

It happened as fast as she came. She roared and turned the corset to dust, before realising what she had done and looked at herself in the mirror. The panicked scream was so loud, it woke a few guards. Explaining it had been awkward to say the least.

She now had Shadow in her. The Shadow imposed by the Dreadlord. By Aerinae.

And she knew nothing of how to rid of it.

“What do you mean, it’s gone?!” Nia cried, and flinched on how high-pitched her voice sounded.

“We don’t know, Priestess. We woke up, the room was covered in smoke, and all we could see was the princess bare and shadowless.”

She looked at the guards “Has she been clothed and fed?”

“Of course! She is still a princess, after all. The king hopes for redemption on her part, perhaps by marriage.”

She gritted her teeth. Whoever the king hoped to marry her to, she hated him already “…Good. That is all. Goodnight.”

As the group argued over the recluse princess joining the party, Nia couldn’t help but observe her, seeing if she had any trace of Shadow in her. Nada. Zilch. Like it was never there.

But it was. Once. And she’d get the truth from her.

“Aerinae… how?”

“How what? How do I look this devastatingly good for a fallen princess?”

Nia thought of screaming at her, but instead took a deep breath “How did you get rid of the Shadow? Is it… possible?”

The princess shuffled in her feet “It is possible. But… it takes a lot of energy. It is a painful and arduous process.”

She was about to ask the question when Mal called ahead. She sighed. She would revisit this later.

Sealing the first rift had taken a great effort, and stumbling upon the party for Brienne had been just what the group needed: to let loose, to breathe and be able to convince themselves that the worst was over. Brienne was back, and they were reunited with their usual business, even if it was a perilous one.

Watching Brienne and Aerinae go elsewhere together made her understand that everything was changing, again, and that she was far behind. She could notice Tyril staring at her too, but who wouldn’t? She overheard many drunks comment that everyone looked at Brienne because of her height and the massive bulge of her breasts, but that was not it. It was the radiance she exuded, her incredible charisma and the presence she commanded, inspiring and admiring, drawing everyone to her. And of course Aerinae and Tyril were drawn to her. What fool wouldn’t?

However, her being the last person she went to… it meant everything. No matter how many people, it was her bed she ended up in. But she had felt guilty of seeing Aerinae as Brienne left to see Tyril.

“Aerinae—,”

“I know you have questions. But… it is a lovely day. The sun is out, people are dancing and drinking. Just… let us be two women in the temple where everything seemed to start, a fallen princess and… and the most beautiful woman she’s ever seen.”

“Wouldn’t that be Brienne?”

Aerinae stroked her hair “Brienne is as pretty as the sea: feminine, raw, strong, fluid and wise. You, Nia, are the Light made woman: pure, holy, full of calm and… home. You are… a lifeline everybody holds on. Something I’ve desired but couldn’t have. But…”

“But?”

“The Dreadlord’s gone. My brother’s gone. My Shadow is gone. All I have left is my desire to sink to my knees and make up for what I did to you. To us.”

Nia reddened, not in embarrassment, but something more “You… want it to give it a go? Despite everything?”

“Yes.” She said in a raw, desperate, wanting tone.

A silent agreement came between them: no more talk. Let their buried feelings come back to life. Soon, their mouths collided again, and Nia expertly undid her top, revealing her breasts, and cornered Aerinae against the altar, panting and swallowing “That… was unexpected.” Nia smiled knowingly.

“I’ve changed much since the wide-eyed priestess you met at the lake. I intend to leave you in bed for the rest of the night.” She had surprised herself at saying that. It was most unbecoming of a priestess, but the feeling she had been feeling since the Dreadlord, a certain daring feeling seeping into her system made her bolder, much bolder than ever.

“I am yours to take, Nia.” She whimpered as Nia traced her exposed curves.

She was about to when Nia felt it. Her Shadow coming back to her, her mind betraying her: she was about to make love to someone who made a fool of herself, kidnapped her, made her lover kill her and then left her to deal with the consequences. Then, the noise of unwanted company came, and all Nia could do was leave, wanting nothing more than to rid herself of that angry voice in her head since the Dreadlord had taken over her.

Aerinae called her, but she kept running.

That night, Aerinae left. And they were all off to Zaradun, where everything they had planned fell apart.

Seeing Brienne, all battered and bruised, powerless against Valax did it. All she could think was: get your filthy fingers off my Brienne.

And she did. By binding them together, Brienne wouldn’t harm her, and she’d be safe from her and her claws. But she would be lying if she didn’t want to crush Valax into smithereens every time she and Brienne came close.

The final rift was in Whitetower, and chances that she’d see Aerinae were very high. And she did. She wanted to jump and smack her for… everything, but she contained herself. Defeating the Ash Empress, nay, the Mother of Grey was more important.

And they did. And, for once, Nia was herself: strong, powerful, fearless and at last herself.

The days that followed, Nia wanted to process it all. And adapt to her new self, fused with both Shadow and Light magic. True Magic.

The Realms were now bound together, and everything felt different. It felt… right. Aerinae went over with the goblins often, only visiting others. Visiting Brienne. They both loved her, and Brienne loved them. At least, she knew for sure she loved her. Aerinae? That was her business. She had apologized to her for everything, and every time, she had accepted her apology, but didn’t quite feel ready to actually forgive her. Not yet.

However, it was quite thrilling, watching her being protective and grovelling over her over and over. She was still a penitent, but Nia was no longer a lamb. She was now a lioness who had come back from the dead and was ready for anything the world threw at her.

And then, the world threw her the most agonizing death by the Winged Warrior, conventionally leaving Brienne for last. Aerinae and Nia had tried to protect her, but all they could do was watch in horror as Brienne was left to die last.

The journey towards the City of No Faces was gruelling, and as The End tried to find a reasoning on why they were killed, Nia went to a small building to pray, or just breathe. She’d decide on the way.

Then, as she was about to cross the threshold, she noticed Aerinae had followed her, reluctant about it. Nia sighed, telling her that she was welcome there as well. They sat, and Nia noticed that there was a massive statue of what looked like Nifara. Nifara, who had been cruel, who had separated the realms and probably compelled the temple to its corruption and everything else.

“Look, Nia, I… am not ready to share how I got rid of my shadow, although you wear it with grace. It’s… hard for me, to talk about. I will, someday, but… I want to let you know, had it all led to this…”

“It is too late, Aerinae. We are dead, there is no turning back, and you cannot fix what is no more.”

Aerinae sighed and bit her lip “You didn’t deserve that, Nia. I… felt dirty, back when I… dragged you there. To the altar. A voice in my head told me to stop, to not go there, to turn back and return you to Brienne.”

“Did you know?” She finally asked, after a year and months of asking herself every night “That I was the one the Dreadlord was seeking all along? Was all of… that to lure me?”

“No! Gods, no. Not even then I’d be so heartless, Nia. It was all real. The kisses, the desire, the longing… it was real. It is real.

“I… want to believe you.”

She confidently cupped her face in her hands “Let me show you.” And she kissed her. But not like before. There were no secrets, no reluctance, no guilt. This was Aerinae, and she was kissing her with her true self. With her cheekiness, sarcasm, and that penance she only showed her. Everyone else got a sardonic, spoiled and impassive princess, but Nia had something not even Brienne could have: a penitent, remorseful and apologetic woman who’d do anything for her forgiveness. She was a penitent sinner who had come to her temple to earn her forgiveness, and for once, she was not the sacrificial lamb, but the goddess who had all the power to tell her exactly how to earn her forgiveness.

She pulled her back, and observed the face she blindly trusted and was betrayed and possessed by, and anger alongside desire came through her “Disrobe yourself.” Her voice was commanding, and Nia observed how she did as she was told with big, begging brown eyes that asked her for mercy. She wouldn’t give it easily. For once, she’d have to work for it. Her chemise fell, and could observe her body. It was nothing like Brienne, fluffy and full of curves and meaty and emerald. Aerinae was paler, her brown hair cascading down till her knees, and trembling with cold and desire. “Undress me.” She did it without any sarcastic remark, and tried to kiss her, but Nia stopped her “No kissing. Not unless I tell you to.” She loved having Brienne under her, but this was not Brienne. This was Aerinae, who had taken her human autonomy from her, and would make her see how it felt.

“On your knees.”

Aerinae made a pleading sound as she sank to her knees, and looked up from her eyelashes to Nia, wanting to have her. “Beg.”

“I want you, Nia.”

“You can do better than that, Aerinae. Beg.”

“Please, Nia, please, let me have you…”

“Will you do everything I say?” She asked as she placed a finger inside her mouth.

“Yes…”

“Everything?” She asked as she inserted a second finger.

“Everything.” She moaned, and deep down, Nia smirked to herself.

She then went towards the altar, and Aerinae tried to walk with her, but Nia pushed her down “I don’t recall telling you to get up.”

“…Where has this Nia been?” Aerinae asked, surprised yet delighted to see a new side of the priestess.

Nia simply smiled and sat on the altar, spreading her legs like Brienne did back then, and beckoned Aerinae, who gladly crawled to her, desperate. To have her. To prove how sorry she was. To show that she was a changed woman. And tonight, she’d be the final judge of that.

“May I?” She asked as her face neared her centre.

“You may.”

Aerinae kissed her calves sensually, her hands gripping her thighs, and slowly went to her outer thighs, building tension. Nia’s hands went to her hair and gripped it, giving it a firm tug, and Aerinae threw back her head, a whimper of pain and pleasure rumbling through the deserted temple. She kissed her lips, and Nia threw her head back, moans and whimpers of pleasure taking over her. The lamb everyone mocked was dead, and she was now a goddess, and had her most devout worshipper on her knees, doing the most intimate and sacred ritual to earn back her favour after falling from grace for the highest heresy.

Finding her throbbing pearl, and Nia let out a loud moan, working on her wonderfully, and when Nia saw that she tried to pleasure herself as well, she meowed “No. Not yet. You’ll get it when I say so.”

Aerinae nodded dutifully and went back to eat her like there wasn’t a tomorrow, kissing and licking and gobbling it like a child with sweets, not caring of the mess they were making, moaning with pleasure and abandon, shamelessly rocking her hips against her head, revelling in the desperate feeling of being forgiven, but never giving it to her. It was the best feeling, finally getting to get a say on what to do instead of thinking ‘What would the Temple say?’ But she had drifted from that kind of Temple a long time ago. ‘Fuck the Temple’. She now wanted to fuck her anger out on Aerinae, and she would. Gods be damned if it was sinful.

And my, whoever taught Aerinae, they had done a good job, for she soon reached her peak and cried out loudly, trembling as her eyes rolled out, seeing white. After taking a few deep breaths, she jumped out of the temple and threw Aerinae fully to the floor, Nia straddling her. Then, Aerinae asked “Does Brienne now? About us?”

“I don’t think so.”

Then, instead of asking, she just said “You love her. I love her. And she loves us. What if she discovers us and we break her heart?”

“Or perhaps she’ll join us. Now quiet. It’s hard to make you scream if you’re talking.”

With one hand, she placed her hands above her head, and with the other, she teased the sensitive flesh “You took me for a fool,” she finally said after so fucking long as her fingers stroked her “you betrayed me and threw me to the wolves like a lamb for them to kill me and watched like a fucking coward.” Both desire and anger were boiling out of her as Aerinae panted and whimpered at her merciless strokes, thrusting into her with a strength that seemed to elate her.

“And I, ah, regret every minute of it.” She panted, rocking against her fingers, her eyes always on her “If I could turn back, I… I would.”

“Prove it.”

She met her halfway, kissing her, almost devouring each other with more than mere passion. Resentment. Grief. Anger. Penance. The desire to start anew.

Then, finally having earned her mercy, let her hands go. Her best one went to her pearl again, and the other cupped her breasts, pinching and grabbing shamelessly, and Nia arched back at the feeling, both their moans echoing the whole chamber. Nia lolled her head back at the door, and saw an incredulous Brienne at the threshold. But they didn’t stop. That enticed them even more. The woman they both loved, finally seeing the truth. She could swear that she saw desire and intrigue in her eyes before leaving, and Nia only wished to continue, their throe of passion more scalding than ever, a much-needed boost that made it by far the most sensual and riveting performance in their short and inexperienced life. Crying out and Aerinae soon following, they both fell to the floor, panting, catching their breath.

“Does… does that mean… that you… forgive me?”

She took a deep, steady breath “No… but… you are… on a good path.”

“And… Brienne?”

“Later. I… wish… a few more minutes.”

After a few more minutes, they both went back to where Brienne was, probably trying to make sense of it. They both sat at each side of her, and Brienne finally looked at them.

“When did this happen?” She wasn’t angry or jealous. Simply wanted to know how, when.

“Back at the lake,” Aerinae answered “and then… it just spiralled from there.”

Nia took her hand “I still love you, Brienne. But Aerinae and I… we are bound together as well.”

Brienne nodded, then took a deep breath “Do you love each other?”

“…We crave each other. The one we love is you.”

She was about to say something when Mal’s voice ringed out and Brienne got up.

“Well, I also am involved to the one who kidnapped me and tortured me once. I am the last person that should judge. As long as there are no more lies or deceit… you have my blessing.”

And then, she left.

They looked at each other, and held their gazes. No longer the princess and the poor lamb. The penitent and the lamb turned legend.

[damthosefandoms]

my outsiders essay i wrote in eighth grade on "what is a hero? who is the hero in the outsiders? why?" (236 words, all quotes from the book):

my outsiders essay now (2k words, all nonsense but there’s a point in there somewhere):

Juliette Damthosefandoms

Transcribed by Mage Mutopians (because I’m lazy but I still edited it after. if there's typos blame mage they just typed every word i said)

12/23/2024

Hero Essay 2.0

Way, way back in spring 2014, when I was thirteen years old, I was tasked with writing an essay about what the definition of a hero is and who I think the main hero of the Outsiders story was. I said that there was only one character in that story and his name was Johnny Cade and he was “defiantly” the hero. After submitting that essay, there was a day where I was in a PPT meeting (because if this doesn’t make it clear that I have ADHD I don’t know what will), and I have a very specific memory of it being brought up to give me more instruction in adding detail to my writing. Now, I have spent way too much time putting entirely too much detail into my writing to the point where I do not believe in anything that is not a run-on sentence. (I am sorry for making you type this @mutopians.) (It’s okay @damthosefandoms <3) Anyway. In this essay, I will explain what I think the definition of a hero is after having spent many years obsessing over superheroes, which doesn’t apply to the Outsiders, but it could, if you write a 22k fic and not post it. (Drop the fic Julie-) (NO.) Anyway. Again. 

A hero….What’s a hero? A hero is (I think I stand by whatever my original definition was) probably somebody who helps people who are in need or go out of their way to do things to do-Fuck it. I don’t know. If you’re going for the Batman definition, it’s Darry, because he’s taking kids off the street. This also works for Johnny because he took kids out of the building. To quote my essay from almost eleven years ago, “To start, Johnny ran into the church after Ponyboy.  “‘Hey, Ponyboy.’ I looked around, startled. I hadn’t realized Johnny had been right behind me all the way.” (Pg.91-92) He wasn’t afraid to go into a fire to save those kids.” (Me, 2014). (insert Mage and Julie argument over the appropriate way to cite an essay from 2014 in MLA while Julie pets Mage’s cat) If we’re talking about saving people, Johnny fits the bill. 

Moving on, I was rereading that essay and laughing at it so I posted it on Tumblr the other day and did a poll and you guys decided that, as of December 23rd 2024 at 3:18 PM EST, Johnny is defiantly the hero at 65.2% of the 23 votes. Soda and/or Darry have 21.7% of the vote. Other has 13% but nobody actually put in the tags who they thought the other heroes would have been so. I don’t know what was going on there. Ponyboy, I guess it’s my fault for making it biased because I called him the boring answer. But he didn’t do anything heroic so I stand by it. He has 0% of the vote. Not even zero point something. Just zero. So that’s apparently what the internet thinks. There’s five days left on the poll if you want to vote on that, but I don’t think that’s going to change. My theory is that the Johnny thing was winning because I made the joke about the typo earlier in the post and I think Soda and/or Darry are just because of musical fans bias, which I’ll get into in a minute. 

(Right now, at this point, I asked Mage to put in a word count, because I’m having fun.) (Counting this part, there’s 601 words.) (I had to teach Mage how to enable the word counter on Google Docs just btw.) (In my defense it intimidates me when I’m staring at an already blank page) 

What was the point of this again? (Julie then paused to pet my cat and say he was cute.) Where am I? We need to figure out who the hero is. In the musical, let’s talk about that, there’s a lot of bias. Giving Soda and/or Darry as an option didn’t help because I kinda knew that, as we’ve all grown up and reread the book in a different point in our lives and listened to the musical on repeat for six months straight and nothing else and except Christmas music recently and and the occasional One Direction song back in October (RIP Liam Payne), we all know how the story goes. Now that we’ve seen a point of view that’s not just Ponyboy’s and we’ve accepted he’s an unreliable narrator and we’ve all listened to “Finale (Tulsa ‘67)” we know what Ponyboy’s point of view is: “And now I look at what my brothers do for me. They’re the reason that I’m standing here right now. One thing’s for certain, I can say without a doubt. Those heroes paved the way so I could finally make it out.” (Outsiders Musical) (I’m not doing any other in-text citations now because I hate them and they’re stupid and if you’re reading this you know where it’s from. Goodbye.)

Anyway, Ponyboy sees his brothers as heroes at the end of the story. I think that now that we’ve all grown up enough to realize that Darry isn’t abusive and was just scared and that hitting Pony in the face wasn’t intentional, it’s just what siblings do, and if you’ve never slapped your brother before, you’re lying. Obviously in the context of the situation, it wasn’t cool, but sometimes the Cain instinct just takes over. Johnny even says I think later on in the musical that Darry probably didn’t mean it, and if the kid who consistently is getting abused is saying that Darry didn’t mean it, then Darry probably didn’t mean it. It’s also interesting that after it happens, during all of “Far Away from Tulsa,” Darry is still on the stage literally just sitting there on the floor staring into nothing like “what the fuck did I just do.” He did not mean it. Thirteen year old me did not understand this but I grew up and I get it now.

We can talk about Darry a little bit because I do actually think that maybe it could be him who’s the hero because if you think of it from a grown up point of view and not a thirteen year old point of view, he has so much going on and they don’t even realize how much shit he gave up for them. Some of them might, but they don’t appreciate it and should appreciate it more. Ponyboy realizes it at the end and that’s kind of the whole problem of their relationship. It took the whole plot for him to realize it. But, like, he literally could have gone to college and didn’t. To be fair, in the book canon, he didn’t get that scholarship, but in the musical he did. He had to drop out of school, he probably lost a lot of friends in the process, everybody is giving him shit and calling him a soc and being shitty to him and he’s just like…no wonder he’s no fun now, when he’s worried about Ponyboy running around and getting in trouble and risking social services getting called on him. Give the man a break. He’s twenty. He should be at the club. He got punched by his ex-boyfriend because Pony was out past curfew. So let’s say Darry is the hero of the story, and needs a break, and. You know. To not live in 1960s Oklahoma where if he’s gay, his brothers will get taken away. 

Soda’s probably also got a little bit of hero in him, but didn’t get the opportunity to show it much. He probably had his big hero moment way earlier closer to when their parents died but that’s not explained in the book so yeah.. Rigjt now he’s  just there for hugs and to keep his brothers from killing each other. Also maybe for sending that letter? But otherwise if you think about it, what does he do? And I’m a Soda stan, so I can say that. Although, I will give you, that the ADHD/dyslexia combo really does give demigod vibes and by the Percy Jackson definition of the word  that makes him a hero. So. You know. Yeah. Also, he’s like the only thing keeping Pony from total self-destruction. He did step up a lot, too. He dropped out of school and got a job to help Darry pay the bills. He does so much for their family and is very underappreciated, and I say this as someone who only writes fics based  around Soda. I’m just having trouble coming up with examples off the top of my head. This is hard. We’ve just written a 1300 word essay in under half an hour and I’m just talking off the top of my head while Mage types this for me so please excuse me for being stupid. Sodapop Curtis. I fuckin love that kid.

 Let’s talk about Johnny again. Because he…what does he do? Johnny stabs Bob and Bob had it coming. I think in the book Cherry says that Bob had it coming. And I quote, “Maybe Bob asked for it. I know he did. But I could never look at the person who killed him.” (Julie gave in and checked for quotes but still will not put actual citations in.) (I wanted to read that line is my excuse.) It was gayer in the musical. That’s a lie, actually. Johnny and Dally were gayer in the book, but Johnny and Ponyboy were gayer in the musical. We all listened to “Faraway from Tulsa” and “Death’s at my Door.” You know.

BUT. However. I don’t care if I get crucified for this by musical stans. There is something to be said about the part in the book where (and I specify in the book because the book characters are very different than the musical characters and that context is important. It’s a different universe. Pay attention) they’re driving back from the Dairy Queen and it’s not just that, yes, Johnny stood up to Dally at the drive-in and told him to leave Cherry alone because frankly Dally was being a gross piece of shit to her (men are disgusting <3). Dally got mad at him because “I went out of my way to get you this and Johnny was like we’re going to turn ourselves in and didn’t care what Dally thought blah blah blah”. Johnny is a lot braver than we think and they argue like an old married couple (DALLY BEGS AND TALKS TO JOHNNY IN A VOICE PONY HAS NEVER HEARD BEFORE?). And Dally said that they were going to get in so much trouble, and Johnny said it was the right thing to do. He didn’t want Ponyboy to get in trouble. He knew going back and turning himself in was the only way to ensure that he didn’t screw things over for the Curtises. 

Which, kind of the whole idea, is that everyone is trying to do what they can to keep the brothers together. Maybe the real hero was the rest of the gang. Like maybe that’s why Steve didn’t want Ponyboy to ever tag along if he knew there was a chance he and Soda would get in trouble. (Soda’s a lot closer to being an adult than Ponyboy is, so if he got in trouble and taken away and had to be on his own, he could, but Ponyboy’s got a lot longer until he turns 18. It would be a bigger deal for him to be put in a boys’ home than Soda, who is almost 17 and has a lot more freedom and would only be there for a year.) There’s this one part that, it’s in the book and movie where Two-Bit checks if Ponyboy has a fever by putting his hand on his forehead. It’s like they’re all watching out for them because that’s rule number one of being a greaser: stick together. That, and don’t get caught. They do that, help out, because that’s what the brothers do for them, like when Dally calls for help at the very end of the book, and Darry and the gang drop everything to go get him (and just to see him die, but, you know). That’s why Darry keeps the door unlocked. Pony says he could call Two-Bit to come pick him up in his car, but Pony decides to walk home alone anyway. But they’re always around. It’s about COMMUNITY!!!

In conclusion, I still don’t believe in conclusion paragraphs, the only one who’s not a hero is Ponyboy because he didn’t do jack shit. (I guess he did run into the church to save kids. And other things. But. You know. I don’t feel like talking slash writing about that right now.) Want a conclusion? Read what I wrote. The end. 

[starsarefire824]

🌟 10 questions for writers 🌟

thanks @foodiewithdahoodie for the tag! <33

how many works do you have on ao3/tumblr?

I have 42 works on ao3. I don't post fics on tumblr. I used fanfiction.net back in the day, but those fics are lost to to the interwebs now.

what's your total ao3/tumblr word count?

I'm at 649,251 on ao3 :)

what fandoms do you write for?

right now i'm pretty much writing for stranger things exclusively. it's just a fun world! in the past i have written for Severance, The Morning Show, Star Wars Trilogy, Game of Thrones, and my beloved Turn: Washington's Spies.

do you respond to comments? why or why not?

I usually always try to respond. Sometimes things get away from me and I feel like the time has passed if we're chapters and chapters further in the story, but I really appreciate them, so I always try to respond, and sometimes it can lead to some interesting conversations or things about the characters I might not have thought about per se, so I really enjoy responding! Sometimes, I respond to some friends on discord so I usually will just leave my screaming over there. :)

have you ever had a fic stolen?

I do not think so. There was an instance of reading something very similar in someone's fic who I knew had read my fic prior. While a little annoying, it was not enough to really bother me. But if there are things out there, I haven't seen them!

have you ever cowritten a fic before?

yes! I was working with @perpetualexistentialcrisis17 (perexcri) and @thornywords on a byler p&p au. It's posted on ao3, but it is on hold for now until we all are ready to delve back into it. <3

what's your all-time favourite ship?

Townhull from Turn and Byler. In the past, Reylo.... and Petyr x Sansa from GOT.

what are your writing strengths?

hmmm, I think maybe staying within one character's lens and finding the emotionality in sex scenes. People have told me that I am good at tension between characters and the way i reveal parts of the story.

what are your writing weaknesses?

Oh man, definitely rushing. Sometimes I get tired of looking at something, and then when i go back i find tons of little typos. So i'm constantly doing minor editing on a03. I wish I was funnier and better at actions scenes. I've gotten much better at this as I've gotten older and just write so much more, but sometimes I forget plot points if it's been too long writing lmao. Also I talk about eyes too much 😂🫠

first fandom you wrote for?

Buahaha, when I was 14 a Wes Crave movie came out called Red Eye with Cillian Murphy and Rachel McAdams. I was obsessed and wrote a fanfic with them that I never finished. That ship would have sailed so hard if that was released now. XD

I'm tagging @greenfiend, @souverian-are-we, @perpetualexistentialcrisis17, @thornywords, @wisehearts, @magentamee and anyone else who'd like to do this! @me so i can read! <3333

[nammikisulora]

17, 19, & 29 for the writing meme :)!

Oohh hi!! Let's see...

17. talk about your writing and editing process

well, most of my fics start out with an idea for one or two specific scenes that I want to write, and then I have to figure out how to connect them. sometimes it's less than that, though - just a general vibe, or some specific emotional beats I want to dig into, and I need to find a plot to hinge it on.

how much I plan from there varies wildly, too. sometimes I have a fairly detailed outline of (more or less) all the Big Scenes before I start actually writing - those are usually the fics that start out as "look a cool idea that I'm certainly not gonna write ooooops I have an 800+ word bullet point list of Plot". other times I just start with a vague idea and jot down thoughts as I go.

usually I write chronologically, because it's way way easier for me, but right now all my (too many-ish) WIPs are written in bits and pieces, so we'll see how it goes piecing them together, lol.

however, the most important part of my fic writing is the social one. I love having someone to talk to through the whole process from idea to finished fic, sharing snippets and/or WIP docs. without someone to brainstorm with (or babble at sorrryyyyyy everyone subjected to it) my writing motivation plummets. if it's a fic I've already sunk lots of time and energy into, I might finish it, if not, I'll probably drop it if I don't have someone to bounce ideas off and share the excitement with.

as for editing.... well. after I finish it, I will read through the fic/chapter once before posting, to catch most typos and fix up the occasional sentence or so, but other than that, I mostly don't. I'm eternally impressed by people who write several drafts and edit extensively, but there's no way I'd ever have the spoons to spare for it with fic.

19. the most interesting topic you’ve researched for a fic

that is an excellent question actually. probably corpse decomposition. help I'm usually too lazy to do much proper research wah

29. how easy is it for you to come up with titles?

I hate coming up with titles. as often as possible I outsource it to the aforementioned person I'm sharing the fic with. tbh most of my titles are probably decided that way.

Thank you for the questions!!

(fic writing ask game)

[ofstormsandfire]

Baldur's Gate 3 characters as fanfic authors

(Disclaimer: I have not played Baldur's Gate 3. However, I have been on the receiving end of a lot of infodumping and have seen some of my qpp Cas's durge playthrough. Also, I'm doing this for shits and giggles.)

Astarion: He has a profile filled with the most epic of stories, all of which are marked 1/?. His writing is great! However, he has yet to finish a single fic and quite possibly never will. One of those authors where you can tell they've got Issues irl, but he's private enough in his notes that you can't really guess at what those issues actually are.

Gale: Credits his cat as his editor. Strangely, his stories seem to be very well-edited in spite of this. Jumps from fandom to fandom semi-frequently, but he almost always finishes what he starts before jumping into something new, and you can Tell that he's researched the hell out of every new fic he writes. (There is one fic that remains unfinished; while writing it, he vanished off the face of the internet for months and his readers genuinely thought he died. He has not acknowledged what happened with that fic since returning and is unlikely to do so.)

Halsin: His fics are as well-researched and thought out as Gale's, but specifically where nature is concerned. In the past, he's gotten into very big arguments involving ABO fanfic and how it's not even based on how actual wolf pack dynamics work, though he's been around long enough at this point to just block and move on. Also, characters who are shitty towards the environment tend to either mend their ways or not live to the end of the fic.

Jaheira: One of those writers who has been around basically forever. She posts once in a blue moon but whenever she does, everyone goes !!! about it; probably has a lot of user subscriptions on AO3. Probably volunteers with the OTW in her downtime. Has a certain fondness for fics where, just this once, everybody lives. Extremely private where her personal life is concerned, but she used to talk about a husband. (Longtime readers may note that she has never once been online during a certain month of the year, not even to respond to comments.)

Karlach: She keeps writing oneshots about this one specific comfort character of hers going on adventures and getting nice things. Unfortunately, being literally on fire makes her prone to making typos, but we love her anyway, typos and all. Her fics tend to be best described as... shall we say, heartwarming?

Lae'zel: Gets into literally all the fandom drama. She has written multiple fics specifically to piss other authors off and she'll do it again. Several of these were aimed at Shadowheart in particular during a short span of time, like we're talking slamming out a fic a day for like a week. Doesn't get commenting etiquette.

Minthara: Bad endings abound here. Unlike with Shadowheart (see below) she just kind of wants to watch the world burn and write the most fucked-up AUs she can think of. Goes into concerning levels of detail where things like torture are concerned.

Shadowheart: Writes all these hurt/no comfort angstfest fics. Has been straight up asked in the comments of her fics on multiple occasions if she's okay. (She eventually starts to write more hurt/comfort fics, and her audience breathes a collective sigh of relief.)

Wyll: Very cheerful, very responsive to comments, has a lot of variety in his works. Every single one of his fics is co-authored by this other account who he thanks for her(?) assistance in every story, despite the fact that she has never once said anything in the comments section and doesn't appear to have other social media. It is unclear what this other person's contribution is; Wyll has confirmed that she is neither an editor, a beta reader, or a writer herself.

[matcha-meow]

TITLE: A Letter of Recommendation from Baji Keisuke PAIRING: BAJI KEISUKE / MATSUNO CHIFUYU SUMMARY: “M’kay.”

But the mild reaction from Mitsuya gets overshadowed by his next announcement, completely shocking the two members standing front and center.

“The guy dating Baji,” says Mitsuya, with a smile, “that’s all I need to know.”

OR

Baji can’t stop talking about Chifuyu to the Toman members - which leads to a misunderstanding that the both of them are dating.

TR Spin-Off Chapter 14: The executive meeting is actually an intervention for Baji Keisuke.

read it on AO3 or read below

You know that part in the latest chapter of the spinoff where Baji brings Chifuyu to the executive meeting in Toman, but they all know who Chifuyu is already? It’s pretty obvious that Baji must be talking nonstop about Chifuyu to everyone…

Also this is very much a crack fic.

I wrote this during my lunch break after getting a gift fic from Pau, and then edited it between work meetings - which means I wrote it very, very quickly and then edited it very, very not at all. If you see any typos, no you don’t.

A Letter of Recommendation from Baji Keisuke

DRAKEN

“And he goes ‘What’s this character? You wrote it wrong.’ ”

Keisuke clearly remembers the way Chifuyu sat down in front of him, cocky at first like he was trying to pick a fight - but instead picked his pencil up and showed Keisuke how to write the letter.

“I thought he was gonna be an ass about it, but he was actually-”

Next to him, Draken pauses his game, a surprised look on his face. He had been listening to Keisuke recount the story without any real interest, but now his hand sharply cuts through air, indicating he needs Keisuke to stop talking immediately. 

“Wait, you don’t…know how to spell Kazutora’s name?”

Keisuke shrugs.

“Anyways he showed me how to write it - the character for tiger. I almost got it right.” - No he didn’t. - “So I think he’s a pretty good guy. Helps those in need, the type of person who probably can’t stay out of other people’s business.”

Draken raises his eyebrow. “Are you complimenting him or insulting him?”

“I’m just saying,” postures Keisuke defensively, “that I met this guy who helped me out. Thought it was gonna be a one time thing. But then I got to pay him back right after!”

He punches Draken’s shoulder like they’re in on a joke together. Draken doesn’t seem as amused, but he also doesn’t go back to his game. Intent now on paying attention to Keisuke’s weird tale.

“Cause as I was mailing the letter, I saw him getting jumped by all these punks! And one of them had a weapon - real fucking shitheads!” Keisuke gets heated at this part, remembering how he ran into the other boy being surrounded by a bunch of older kids in an abandoned alleyway.

“Since Chifuyu is just one guy and he’s unarmed, you know?” Here Keisuke starts imitating the fight, providing sound effects as he alternates his fists. “So I just start fightin’. Pow. Pow. Returned the favor and saved his ass and everything. He was grateful as fuck.”

Draken nods along because he can see that. 

“Did you beat him up afterwards, like you did with Kazutora?”

Keisuke scratches the back of his head, confused. “Huh? No, I invited him back to my place for dinner. It was just instant noodles, though. Nothing fancy.”

Draken stares at him.

For a while, no one says anything.

“Oh…so it’s like that,” his friend says cryptically. “I was wondering where this story was going.”

Keisuke isn’t sure what he means by that, cause the story isn’t even done yet. 

“Anyways, he wanted to join Toman afterwards, but I said “No way, asshole!” cause I don’t wanna keep taking care of him.” Keisuke signs, irritated at the memory. “He seems too much of a handful. I don’t need that kinda guy tying me down.”

“Or maybe you’re just trying to keep him to yourself,” mutters Draken, unpausing his game.

MIKEY

“And this guy is just fuckin’ following me around school everyday and he keeps trying to pick fights with others and then telling me about it for some reason.”

He’s not sure if Mikey is listening or not. He seems really focused on something, but it might just be the taiyaki he’s eating. 

“Then one day, he says - ‘just beat me up until you understand my feelings.’ ” Keisuke pauses here. He thinks maybe he got the wording wrong, but it doesn’t matter. “So I’m like ok, and then I beat him up.”

Mikey takes a bite of his snack and then says, “Nice.”

“But then I felt bad cause he was on the ground and it was raining and I didn’t wanna leave him there…” Keisuke rolls his eyes, annoyed at himself, “and he lives three floors below me so I carried him home-”

“Wait, wait, wait- I thought you said you were tired of that guy?”

“I mean yeah, he’s so fucking annoying.”

“Then why didn’t you just leave his ass?”

Keisuke opens his mouth. Then he closes it.

“His ass was gonna get wet, it was raining, remember?”

Mikey doesn’t look impressed. But he motions him to continue with his story, the taiyaki flopping in the air.

“Right so, after that, I let him sleep it off. Cause he really took a beating from me. Hella persistent, that guy. Can’t shake him. I’ve tried. Then when he finally wakes up I think, fine, ok. Just this one time! I’ll take you on my bike and-”

“Wait, you let him ride your bike? ”

“Yeah, cause it was just easier that way if we were both going to the meeting-”

“You- you brought him to a Toman meeting?! ”

“Why do you keep interrupting me? Anyways he was all-”

But Keisuke doesn’t get to finish because Mikey shoves his second taiyaki in front of his face, almost exasperated.

“God, Ken-chin was right. ” He says, then shakes the dessert insistently until Keisuke takes it, albeit hesitantly since Mikey doesn’t normally share his snacks.

“Uh…thanks?”

“It’s cream flavored,” says Mikey.

“What kind?”

His friend smirks, “Whipped.”

SMILEY

“Chifuyu’s hair was really fucking bothering me so I told him to change it.”

Nahoya looks like he wants to be anywhere but here.

“Why are you telling me this?”

Keisuke gestures between the two of them, like there’s some kind of relevant fact keeping them bound in this conversation.

“Cause you said you wanted straight hair?”

“I just- I just said one thing about my hair! Oh my god!” He throws his arms above his head, waving them angrily. “Why do you always keep making it about Chifuyu?!” 

The other boy is already walking away.

“Hey!” Keisuke yells. “He changed his hairstyle, alright?! So if you just let me finish my goddamn story - I was trying to say that he was able to change his whole lifestyle and everything, so you can do it too if you want! Live out your dreams or whatever!”

“More like your delusions,” scoffs Nahoya. “Alright, which one of you guys is running the betting pool right now?”

ANGRY

“So he just fucking jumps off the roof, yeah? The fuckin’ balls on him. And then he takes out all these guys like it’s nothing. After that he-”

Unlike his brother, Souya is frozen in place, too awkward to outright get up and leave. 

“That’s got to be four floors or something, how did he land? Is he part cat?” Keisuke snaps his finger at the discovery. “He hangs out with a lot of cats. You think maybe he learned from them? Like maybe he’s a cat boy?”

“I think,” says Souya slowly, “that you don’t know what the meaning of a cat boy is...”

“Huh? No way. He’s definitely a cat boy. He loves cats. He owns one too, Peke J, I named him. He’s like our son.”

From somewhere behind them, Souya’s brother puts more money down on the table.

MITSUYA

“Right, so I need you to make another uniform before our next First Division meeting.”

Mitsuya nods. “You mean for your friend, Ryusei? His jacket buttons were getting worn out, I remember you mentioning that before.”

Keisuke laughs sheepishly. “Ah, I meant another one - it’s for Chifuyu. Sorry I forgot to tell ya, I let him join after all and he’s been saying how he really wants to wear the uniform.” 

The boy in front of him slowly brings his hands together, resting his chin on them, and then takes in a deep breath.

“For Chifuyu…”

“Yeah, is that gonna be ok? You got enough time or…?”

Mitsuya levels him with a piercing gaze. 

“Why couldn’t you have asked me this last week?”

Keisuke sucks the air in between his teeth. “Sorry man, I know it’s really short notice. That’s my bad, but I just forgot about it.”

He watches as Mitsuya digs out his wallet. “I really, really, wish you had remembered to ask earlier.” He’s a little confused as Mitsuya irritatedly pulls a stack of yen out, randomly. “If only you had just asked me - one week earlier.” 

Draken appears out of nowhere to collect the cash, a grin wide on his face. 

He decides not to question this, since there’s a more pressing issue at hand.

“Look, if you can’t do it, then it’s fine-”

“I can do it,” says Mitsuya, waving him off dismissively. “It’ll only take me a day.”

“Oh, what was the problem then?” Keisuke looks confused at the whole exchange. He feels like maybe he’s being kept in the dark about something. How come people are always passing money around, especially near him, nowadays? And what’s with all these annoyed looks every time he speaks?

Mitsuya rubs his temples. “I need to change my bets.” 

PAH-CHIN

“So Chifuyu helped my mom move all our stupid furniture around, yesterday and-”

Pah leans back into his seat, resigned. “I get it, huh, it’s my turn today.”

“Anyways,” Keisuke claps his hands. “What do you know about Feng Shui? You said your family was in the whole house thing? What’s Feng Shui supposed to be like for apartments, cause I think maybe Chifuyu might have done it wrong...”

“Feng Shui isn’t real dude,” says Pah, “I know this because my dad said so. It’s just some nice looking bullshit.” 

Keisuke angrily stands up. “You fucking take that back, Pah-chin!” 

“Haa? Why are you so angry, man?”

“Chifuyu spent hours moving all our shit around! Don’t tell me that was all for nothing!”

“Didn’t you just say, you thought he did it wrong? Even I’m not that fucking stupid!”

“Chifuyu isn’t stupid!”

“I said, you were fucking stupid!”

“Yeah, I fucking might be!”

PEH-YAH

“So I don’t know shit about history - but Chifuyu’s been helping me study.”

Everyone moves to the other side of the room, which leaves only Peh to fend for himself. 

He sighs, then says, “I get it, sometimes I help Pah-chin study too. But we’re both idiots.”

Keisuke quickly jabs Peh’s chest in agreement. “Yeah, Chifuyu is an idiot too! But I understand things better when he explains it for some reason. It’s like he gets it - or me.” 

Peh nods. “You guys know what the other is thinking.” 

“Yeah, exactly!” Keisuke yells, excitedly. Finally glad to have someone on the same page as him for once. Well, other than Chifuyu, he means. “He just understands what I’m saying sometimes. Even if no one else does.”

“That’s great.” 

“I don’t know how I would have passed the exam without him. I really- hey wait, where are you going? Peh-yah, uhh?”

EVERYONE

Keisuke really didn’t want this to be Chifuyu’s first exposure to the Toman executives, but he didn't have a choice other than to bring Chifuyu to the meeting. Even if it seems like the blond is currently scared stiff, standing next to him. 

He lightly bumps Chifuyu’s shoulder with his own, raising both his eyebrows to silently ask if the other is ok. 

Chifuyu flushes, looks away quickly, then shyly brings his gaze back and nods.

Their silent communication doesn’t go unnoticed by the rest of the members. 

Draken clears his throat loudly, narrowing his eyes between the two of them, and then says, “Looks like the First Division’s in trouble…”

Keisuke tunes out the rest of the words because he thinks it’s gonna all be recap. Probably just the situation regarding Yotsuya Kaidan - which he knows better than all of them anyway. Instead he pays attention to Chifuyu, who’s sweating under the dim lights, looking nervously between all the members, his eyes wide.

Keisuke moves a little closer to him, hoping his presence will calm down the other boy.

“This is an emergency executive meeting regarding that matter,” continues Draken.

Nahoya coughs into his fist. “Actually it’s more like an intervention at this point…”

Chifuyu audibly gulps, but only Keisuke can hear it from his proximity. He remembers, in contrast to Chifuyu’s first meeting, that this behavior is completely different.

Instead of the boisterous newcomer who didn’t know his place, the Chifuyu standing beside him right now feels more mature. Still as excitable, but able to hide it. More aware of his surroundings. No more acting out.

Keisuke feels a little proud. 

“Let’s get started.”

The room gives Mikey their full attention, only to be derailed as he argues with Draken over the filling of his taiyaki. He thought the comedic distraction might help Chifuyu relax a little, but it has the opposite effect. The blond tenses up again as he looks between the two executives fighting. 

Keisuke is about to reach out, maybe ruffle his hair a bit and push his bangs away from all the sweat gathering on his forehead. He really needs Chifuyu to stop overthinking things like he always does.

“Anyways…” Draken jerks his thumb to Chifuyu and asks, “Baji. Who is that guy?”

Chifuyu startles, like a cat, then straightens up.

Everyone is looking at them and he can already feel Chifuyu freezing. He knows Chifuyu is about to do the whole unnecessary introduction thing again, it’s that typical moment, so Keisuke starts - but is interrupted. “He’s our new guy. I brought him here ‘cause he’s involved in this case.”

At the same time, Chifuyu bows abruptly and yells, “Ah…I’m Chifuyu Matsuno! I’m still a work in progress, but from this point on, I’m determined to work under Baji-san...”

Multiple people start talking at once.

“That’s Chifuyu, huh?”

“I knew it! Pay up, Ken-chin!”

“A work in progress? Does that mean they’re not together yet or…?”

“Under Baji - he says.”

“Yeah, he really said that! He’s so bold!”

“Ahh!! Matsuno!! Damn, it’s really you!”

“M’kay.” 

But the mild reaction from Mitsuya gets overshadowed by his next announcement, completely shocking the two members standing front and center.

“The guy dating Baji,” says Mitsuya, with a smile, “that’s all I need to know.”

For some reason, the entire room doesn’t break out into chaos with this statement, instead everyone just casually accepts this fact and moves on. It’s only Keisuke that feels the turmoil in his heart - and maybe Chifuyu too, if he can even dare to look at him.

He watches, almost like an out of body experience, as Pah approaches Chifuyu and clamps a heavy hand on his shoulder. 

“Thanks for looking after Pochi!” Like an inside joke, Pah cups his mouth but his whisper is so loud, the whole room hears it. “ And for looking after our Baji, too!” He slaps Chifuyu a couple more times, the blond barely reacting. “And for bringing me the big fights!” 

“What.” Chifuyu sounds like his world has been turned upside down.

Pah doesn’t notice that anything is amiss. “You helped Baji build that dog house for Pochi, right? He loves it!” He gives him an approving thumbs up. “You did a bang-up job! Ah, but I guess you’re dating one too, haha!”

“What...” This time Chifuyu is a little bit quieter.

Keisuke knows he needs to speak up, to say anything, to save Chifuyu from any further embarrassment - but he’s not sure how to do it without jeopardizing their relationship or his spiraling reputation. Even though he knows this is mostly his fault.

Pah continues talking, as if he isn’t holding a one-sided conversation on his own. “I’ve been pissed off at Baji for talking my ears off every meeting - but I guess he must be really serious about ya if he brought you to an exec meeting, Chifuyu!”

“Yeah, he didn’t even ask!” Nahoya chimes in.

“It’s been a long time since we’ve seen Baji smile though, so I guess it’s fine.” Souya comments. “It’s nice to see him happy, again.”

Draken claps his hands twice, bringing the attention back to him. “This means the time has finally come, pay up assholes!”

“Righto, I’ll be collectin-”

“Wait.” Keisuke finally finds the strength to interrupt. “Can you please…leave this matter for after the meeting?”

“What, you suddenly so embarrassed now that you have a boyfriend?” Mikey sneers from atop his perch. “Even though you talk about him everyday?”

“I don’t…” Keisuke glances at Chifuyu, and because they’re always thinking of the other, Chifuyu choses that moment to meet his gaze. “...I don’t talk about him everyday.”

He’s not sure if he’s being brave or a coward for not correcting anyone.

But Chifuyu, bless him, always has his back. 

Something in his blue-green irises changes, becomes sharper. It’s in that moment Keisuke realizes Chifuyu has caught on, silently agreeing to play along with their charade.  

He doesn’t even have to ask, he already knows Chifuyu will follow.

“Can this um,” starts Chifuyu, “ information stay within this room? We’re not uh, public...”

Even without explicit orders, Chifuyu can always be counted on. Keisuke doesn’t know what he did to deserve him. Maybe that’s why he can’t stop talking about him. 

And maybe that’s why the two of them are in this mess in the first place.

Not to be outdone, Keisuke speaks up again. “Or maybe just…the First Division.” Since only the two of them belong to said division, it’s essentially the same as asking everyone to back the fuck off. It’s only their business - no one else needs to butt in.

“Baji…” Draken says tiredly. “This doesn’t have to be your secret alone anymore.”

“Yeah, everyone is chill with it, dude.”

“We’ve known for a while actually. No need to freak out. We won’t judge you.”

“You were really down bad for him, Baji. We all knew.”

“And you’re both being pretty obvious about it right now.” 

Keisuke knows his flush is probably matching Chifuyu’s - what a pair the two of them must seem in front of everyone. The other boy is barely holding the act together, but he waits patiently for Keisuke’s next move. He just isn’t sure what it should be.

“I think there’s been a misunderstanding,” he sighs, “sorry, everyone.” 

For the first time, he feels apprehensive about not being able to speak to Chifuyu freely. What if this makes the blond even more uncomfortable? What if this destroys their friendship? At some point, he’s going to push Chifuyu too far - what happens then?  

“I have to put a stop to this...” 

This wasn’t how he thought this meeting would go. But worst of all, maybe, just maybe - this whole thing could be the breaking point to Chifuyu’s loyalty.

“...The truth is-”

 “I get it.” Mikey suddenly says, standing up. “I’ll leave Chifuyu to Baji.”

Their invincible leader jumps down, landing smoothly right in front of the others. He gives both of them a searching look, but his gaze lingers on Chifuyu. “I’ve made up my mind.”

Keisuke has no idea what he means. 

“If the two of them want to keep to themselves, then I won’t push it. The rest of you should stay out of this until they’re ready…” he smirks, “You’re all dismissed.”

“...Mikey.”

But the other boy pushes past him to whisper something into Chifuyu’s ear. It could be his imagination, but it sounds like “If you break up with Baji, I’ll kill you. ” 

CHIFUYU

“Well that was unhinged.”

The two of them loiter outside the entrance, not quite ready to talk about it yet. Keisuke leans against his motorcycle, looking away from Chifuyu as the other boy inspects the vending machine. His throat feels dry, but not in a way a drink can fix.

“They all had such a crazy aura around them that I was shaking just being in their presence,” laughs Chifuyu nervously, probably to fill the awkward silence. “Especially Mikey-kun.”

That’s right. Mikey really did say some weird stuff.

“I know, I’m sorry,” says Keisuke, turning around. 

“Eh?” 

“I’m sorry you have to put up with my selfishness,” he explains. “I didn’t…mean to lead them on like that. Or you either.”

“Baji-san…what do you mean?” Chifuyu says slowly.

Keisuke isn’t sure how to go about this. Words aren’t really his thing. After tonight, that fact seems to especially be true - but usually he can just count on Chifuyu to figure it out for him. Although maybe that’s been making him complacent. Still, he needs to make an effort to right his wrongs.

“I think I talked about you too much with the other guys, so they got the wrong idea about us.” He crosses his arms and lets out a frustrated noise. “I shoulda just came clean from the start instead of dragging you in. Thanks for covering for me, though, but I don’t expect you to pretend forever. So I won’t force you to do anything.” 

“It’s ok, Baji-san!” Chifuyu yells. “I don’t mind. I told you, I’d do anything to remain by your side, right? I can do this for you, too!”

Keisuke gives him a lopsided smile. It’s hard to reason with Chifuyu when he gets like this - his determination is infectious. So is his positivity. Keisuke already feels in a better mood just by being around him.  

“It’s fine, Chifuyu. I can go back and apologize to them, clear things up. Even if I have to do it alone.”

“What are you talking about?” Of course the other boy won’t back down. “I’ll always follow you, Baji-san! I’ll come with you!”

“No…that would just make it harder for them to believe.”

The first signs of frustrations show on Chifuyu’s face, like he’s about to start talking back to his captain. Really now, his obedience just comes and goes. 

Then, suddenly, a huge grin breaks out until it rivals all the stars in the night sky above them. With a look of pure adoration, Chifuyu closes the distance between them and offers Keisuke a fist bump.

“Let’s date for real, then!” Chifuyu says without a moment’s hesitation.

Keisuke feels like he’s been given the whole world, rather than a hand or a way out. 

He can’t help but feel the edges of his mouth stretch upwards. He feels so relieved and grateful all at once. He doesn’t understand it, but maybe Chifuyu does - so he’ll just have to ask him to explain it later.

Chifuy’s smile only gets wider. “That way you’re not lying to anyone - and we don’t have to pretend!” 

It’s a crazy plan. But perhaps he’s a little crazy for Chifuyu, anyway.

Since they don’t have any better ideas, he readily agrees.

“Alright!” 

When their fists collide, it’s his heart that meets Chifuyu’s halfway.

END

Sorry they're idiots.

I’m also sorry this was absolutely Satou Ryusei erasure (love that guy) and the bajifuyu just totally derailed the meeting so it’s not even about Yotsuya Kaidan anymore. I promise they’ll hold another assembly to figure it out!!

Baji POV is really hard for me to write - so if he seems out of character, just remember I’m a crack fic writer.

This is for pau - if you like bajifuyu or kojiryu, please go read their fics!!

[zenkindoflove]

Ask game 2, 8

2. talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

The narrative - basically all the time. I do outline, but I am ultimately a pantser and I don't try to resist it much when the story just feels like it has to go in a specific direction.

I think really clearly this happened when I was writing Pull Me In Deeper because at first I was like, oh this is a quick 5 chapter story, then I was like, okay maybe 10 chapters, and then it ended up being 23 chapters because the characters kept telling me fuck you they wanted to do more things and needed more time.

I think a really clear one [SPOILERS - SKIP TO THE NEXT QUESTION IF YOU DON'T WANT THEM] was my decision for them to actually go into Cnidus and see the unicorns. At first because I wanted this to be a quick fic, I was only going to have them receive the info from Aria that she saw the unicorns. But as I wrote the story, I kept realizing that Alexius is a brave little shit who does whatever he wants, and I Alexius would HAVE to see them for himself. So, I came up with a plotline to up the stakes and make it a part of his secret mission that he had to collect a hair sample.

8. what’s your relationship with constructive criticism and feedback like? do you seek it out? how well do you take it?

I take constructive criticism very well. That wasn't always the case. When i was a teenager and I started writing fanfic, I was very sensitive to receiving critiques about my writing. I think anyone who is new to writing is like that.

Two things really kicked that out of me. One was taking a creative writing course in college where we had to do the old-school critique where everyone workshopped your story in front of you and you had to remain silent. The more significant thing, however, is my time in science. I got a PhD and spent three years doing a postdoc, and let me tell you, getting a PhD is like exposure therapy for constructive criticism. Not just about your scientific writing but also your ideas and your criticisms of criticisms. The entire nature of science is, in it's own way, to be critical, and there can be a lot of good in that. But also a tone of toxicity. So, to put it lightly, I had to develop a thick skin and realize that people not liking my work or thinking my ideas weren't well developed or smart was not at all personal. Because otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to survive that type of environment.

Anyways, now that I'm on the other side of that and back into fanfic writing, I have found I am a lot less sensitive to feedback and critique than when i first started. @crazy-ache is my "beta" and we are writing partners. We have a very honest relationship where we often tell each other if something in our works isn't working for the other or feels off. You really have to be okay with that especially if you write something with another person who is going to have equal ownership. Also I have published crazy typos or ugly ass sentences and had people point them out to me and I really am grateful about it. (THANK YOU ANGEL FROM HEAVEN who told me I published Nesta saying "OMG" in Summer Heat lmfao. Literally, so fucking embarrassing but I really was relieved someone said it to me because no, I did not intend that and yes, me and Ari missed it on several edits.) Part of my current job actually is editing scientific writing, so I have no self-esteem tied to making grammar mistakes, typos, or just writing chunky, funky sentences because I spend all day reading straight up booty from some very brilliant people.

Ask game for fanfic writers

[darkpoisonouslove]

17 and 18 :)

Thanks! :)

17. talk about your writing and editing process

Well, the process is pretty straightforward, actually. I get an idea, usually accompanied with at least a couple dialogue exchanges. I write down everything that I have, which is now the skeleton of my outline. I look at it and try to identify what's missing from it and how much I need to make the story functional aka to have it accomplish what I want from it. Often that means that I realize that I don't know what I want from it so then I have to think about that. This is usually the part where I file ideas away for later and they are added to my ideas doc.

If I do figure out what I want from it, I keep adding to the outline until I'm sure I have everything that I need - that means all scenes in order, complete with actions and dialogue. I may not know a couple details here and there but I try to at least have a direction such as what kind of emotion I want to express in the gap or what concept has to be introduced in order to make the whole thing comprehensible. Then I start writing, which is usually the hardest part. I have been known to spend more than half an hour actively working on a single sentence so... I take my time with the first draft (technically the outline is kind of the first draft). I prefer to edit less later than write quicker and then have to edit more.

I've found that when I get stuck, it's because I don't really know what I want to say. Despite all the outlining and thinking and considering, I often end up realizing that I don't know what I'm trying to say. Once I figure that out, it becomes a matter of how to say it so that it's not just telling stuff that I should be showing. It takes a while but eventually I get what I want. Sometimes I give up and just tell it and decide I'll come back to it later.

For editing I usually go over the text and rework every sentence that is convoluted or doesn't sound right or repeats a sentence structure I've already used 3 times in the last 5 sentences. Generally speaking, I don't have to do structural edits or rewrite entire scenes because I've already done the heavy lifting during the outline stage so most things are in their right places. I have had to move paragraphs and sentences and words around like I'm putting Frankenstein's monster together from various body parts but that's usually the case when I'm possessed by an idea and don't spend enough time outlining and structuring it or I've missed the step of asking myself what I'm trying to say. Otherwise, most of my editing is on a sentence level and then I do another read to watch out for typos and whether or not I need to switch some pronouns to names.

18. if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic

I don't usually keep them but I do have a couple paragraphs from Fallen Love that I discarded as they directly contradicted a much more important idea so I'm pretty sure I'm not going to use them (for this story at least) and can post them:

With the proximity between them restored, she’d found him eyeing her neck, his thoughts palpable, spilling into the heated air to make it brand the lines into her flesh. There was mad obsession in his pupils that didn’t care if it would turn her into a monster, only that she’d be his again. With his mark on her neck, she would have been a useful asset again and perfectly incapable of another betrayal – enough to keep her alive despite the Ancestral Witches’ unforgiving nature.

He’d been the unforgiving one instead. Every time he’d dismissed the thought as if it hadn’t been the appropriate response to her treachery. He’d refused himself–and her–the brutality he’d craved for the sake of appearances.

She’d forced gratefulness out of herself – that he’d never tried, had granted her the grace of not finding out how much lower she was ready to stoop just for another stolen moment with him.

send me fic writer asks