#talk of harmful stimming ->
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Like im absolutely looking forward to prime but at same time. its actually gonna be a bit painful anfjfk I will absolutely get overwhelmed and the chances of having a meltdown will be high. "oh just dont watch it in one night" several reasons why not watching it all will be the same amount of bad or more bad, its a small and petty thing to complain about but GODDD
#egg.txt#talk of harmful stimming ->#im usually pretty lucky in the fact that I can redirect wanting to hit myself or otherwise Hurt as a stim#when I watched part one I had my huge appa plush just so I could punch the shit out of it shdjdjd#but god. not only the trying to process all the sudden new information but the#handling the emotions that come with#any Big emotion automatically is bad for me. will send me in a crisis#I MISS WEEKLY EPISODES. THEY WERE EASIER AND ALSO A LOT MORE FUN
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owwww do any other autistic/neurodivergent people have good solutions to prevent hitting yourself during meltdowns? i punch and slap my thighs/hips with the full weight of my hand/fist and this time the meltdown was over something as minor as an eyelash getting in my eye. the bruises never get to heal cause this happens too often. i hear "punch a pillow" and i do that if i can but it's not like i always have a pillow on me. and i really don't want to get in the habit of breaking things because i'm worried i'll accidentally break something important when i'm not in the right frame of mind to care and then deeply regret it later. everything i see about preventing/stopping harmful stims comes from autism moms and i want to hear actually helpful advice from other autistic people.
#milo talks sometimes#meltdown#harmful stims#actually autistic#autism#autistic things#autistic experiences#autistic adult#autistic community
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❤️🩹 10 things to cut instead
(instead of yourself or anyone else)
1) Eraser
x x x
2) Soap bar
x x x
3) Meat
x x x
4) Cheese or butter
x x x
5) Fruit or vegetable
x x x
6) Wax
x x x
7) Silicone
x x x
8) Gummies or jelly/jello
x x x
9) Clay or dough
x x x
10) Putty or slime
x x x
Honorable mentions:
Gum
Liquid-filled candy
Foam
Squishies
Lipstick
Sponges
Marshmallows
Soft resin
Leather
Sand
Soil or mud
Pencil or wood
Plastic
a rich person's tires
all ties with your overly critical mom
#care kit#stim tools#diy#budget stimming#actuallyneurodivergent#dermatillomania#excoriation#coping skills#recovery#relapse#self-injury#sh urges#cw: harm talk#cw: self harm#cw: holes#cw: razor blade#cw: food#cw: raw meat#cw: injury imagery
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everybody who went to a private catholic school name the craziest personal belief an instructor lectured the class on.
i'll go first: mentally disabled people are free of original sin, just like animals, so they get a free pass to heaven
#bonus points if the lecture was not-so-subtly referencing you specifically#ye i was the only super obviously autistic kid in my class since we did not have special ed classes or accommodations of any kind#and yes this teacher did seem to believe that i fell into the category of 'mentally disabled people who are like animals'#oddly enough this kind of made me her favorite student#she was really big on infantilizing ppl who were a certain level of mentally disabled#and yeah i guess dehumanizing too#except like how people says 'all doggos are good boys'#and even if a dog bites someone you can't like claim that dogs know the difference between good or evil#so it's not like...a fucking sin or something#so yeah she did openly express this stuff in class#i can't remember her explanation for mentally disabled ppl being free of original sin#but it was like tied in with the whole 'tree of knowledge' thing#and how not having that knowledge/sin is what makes us like innocent and dumb#got compared to a dog and also a lamb. not directly. like she did not call me out by name#but the entire class was super uncomfy because it was really obvious she was indirectly talking about me#at the time i was also like 'huh that explains some of her behavior around me'#and also thought it was hilarious that i got a free pass to heaven in her mind#also thought it was funny that she thought i was mentally disabled#because at this point i just thought i was a deeply weird person being mistaken for a mentally disabled person#but uh nope. i was like. really autistic. like lots of classic negative shit too like biting other kids and self-harmful stims and stuff
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I’ve been experiencing this odd emotion when I see people loudly interjecting in conversation, stimming in public, or going on and on about a special interest. I’ve identified it as bitter jealousy. I was so badly hurt growing up for existing as an undiagnosed autistic person that now when I see people expressing themselves authentically I am jealous that they can be themselves without getting hurt. I’ve learn to mask well enough that I can work and even function in social situations, but I can’t deny that it was at the expense of my own well-being.
#monstre.txt#I’m just always managing people’s feelings about me. It makes it hard to relax because I have to like. Not stim too much. Not wander around#too much. Not wander around too much. Not avoid eye contact too much. Not talk too much about my weird interests#At this point I still don’t know how much masking is necessary vs harmful
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#menhera#yamikawaii#oc art#menhera art#reblogs are encouraged :)#it was vent art about being hyperverbal but it turned out so good holy shit#i had to stop and stim several times because i liked it too much which is unusual for me lol#i wish i could control when i talk i swing between hyper verbal and nonverbal with no inbetween :(#i end up distracting myself with tiktok or fanfic constantly so i dont talk when i dont mean too#autistic vent art#self harm tw#scissors tw#tess oc
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10, 19, & 36 💜
10. What are your most common stims?
I'm going to leave out self harmful stims for this, in which case it would probably be rubbing my nail against my lip (sometimes also tapping my teeth with a nail,) tapping on things (incl like. My arms n stuff if I need to be quiet) and rocking. I've been sort of ABA-ed out of a lot of more visible stims apart from the rocking. If I'm a little stressed out but grounded I squeeze my forearm repeatedly or stroke a lock of hair. But my most common stim growing up/the one I often default to if I'm rly rly stressed out and not totally grounded is biting things (not counting this as self harmful bc there are non harmful things to bite, like rubber stim tools, a sleeve, etc.)
19 I answered!
36. Do you have routines that you have to follow? What's in your routine?
I follow a lot of little routines I think. It's hard to tell always bc they're just integrated into my life now. I think it's more noticable that I need routines when interacting with others. I need to know where we're going and for how long and can get thrown off if things change, and get really really stressed if I don't know the schedule even if it's smth I enjoy doing.
I definitely have routines when eating though. Like eating the least favorite thing first and the most favorite last. I have a fun little routine with Skittles too that I was talking about with a friend the other day
Dump out Skittles and make a little graph of colors in color order
Starting with the color that has the most Skittles, eat extra in color order until I have the same amount of each color
Once I have an even number of each color, eat in preference order (purple -> orange -> red -> yellow -> green, repeat)
#stims can be hard to talk about sometimes TBH#bc some/a lot of mine are harmful or just atypical so they sometimes aren't accepted w/in the cutesy autistic community#and like? hand flaps are somewhat harmful for me even tho i do them bc they make mt wrists hurt#theyre usuallt a stress stim#asks
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(sh mention tw) hey idk if anyone on this blog was aware, but that red ink calligraphy post - the op of it i believe has frequently made calligraphy purposefully designed to mimic sh, and mocked people asking for a trigger warning on the posts where the op was doing that, and has just overall been very insensitive about the topic. (evidence on the op's tiktok page, same username as on insta just without the underscore).
oh god, ty for letting us know!! we were not aware of that, ill be taking the post down!
-☃️
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Looked up cute aggression I think that explains a lot about how I talk sometimes.
#art talks about stuff#like i feel the need to keep reminded people that like. despite the way i post about stuff/characters i like i don't really mean harm???#like i talk about biting and squeezing and exploding a lot but in reality i'm just really shit at explaining how my emotions work#it is kind of a problem i think#turning reblogs off because this got kinda personal whoops#edit: adding onto this instead of making it rebloggable but it also doesn't help that biting/chewing is an extremely good stim for me#which further makes distinguishing how to react to stuff i like harder
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Does anyone have any advise for dealing with dermotillomania?? I’m so sick of this
#I already take anxiety/depression meds and N-acetylcysteine#I’m scared something is going to get infected at some point#I’ve talked to doctors and my therapist but know one really seems to know how to help me#ughhh#dermotillomania#skin picking#tw skin picking#tw self harm#tw self harm stims
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Fucking hell why do I punch my thighs as a stim?!
I'm gonna be bruised like a 2 week old banana at this rate!
#apollo talks#tw bruises#injury mention#? i guess#stimming#bad stims#i need to stop doing that owwwch#harmful stims#actually autism#actually neurodivergent
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also i almost broke the bathroom mirror during this meltdown because i punched it and literally the only reason it didn't break was because i kinda realized what i was about to do and pulled back slightly. still hit it pretty good though, and the sound was louder than i expected so it made the meltdown worse. don't think the neighbours appreciated my screaming
i love being autistic, don't get me wrong, but sometimes this shit gets tiring ngl
#mylo talks sometimes#meltdown#harmful stims#actually autistic#autism#autistic things#actually neurodivergent#autistic experiences
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Recovery kit: cutting arms (immediate aftercare edition)
x x x x x x x x x
↖️ Top left: bandage variety pack
Description-- variety pack of bandages in three sizes, featuring four skin tones Rationale-- protect, discreetly hide wounds
⬆️ Top middle: decorated band-aids
Description-- black tin of blue, black, and lime bandages decorated with stars & planets Rationale-- protect, hide wounds (with a little flare)
↗️ Top right: soap and water
Description-- soapy, medium-dark hands lathering the soap Rationale-- clean wounds
⬅️ Middle left: Vaseline
Description-- a wide container of an off-white/pale yellow substance called petroleum jelly Rationale-- hydrate, soften wounds; facilitate healing
🫵 Middle middle: Neosporin
Description-- a yellow box of yellow tubes containing an antibacterial ointment Rationale-- clean wounds; facilitate healing
➡️ Middle right: waterproof bandages
Description-- variety pack of clear, waterproof bandages Rationale-- protect, discreetly hide wounds
↙️ Bottom left: lace/fishnet gloves
Description-- a black, elbow-length pair of lace gloves Rationale-- discreetly hide wounds; stay cool doing so
⬇️ Bottom middle: sterile alcohol pads
Description-- a white and blue box of sterile alcohol wipes Rationale--clean & disinfect wounds
↘️ Bottom right: gauze
Description-- a square pad of white gauze Rationale-- protect, hide, clean wounds
#stim tools#diy#actuallyneurodivergent#dermatillomania#excoriation#advice and help#self-help#self-care#hygiene#relapse#recovery#cw: self harm#cw: harm talk
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ITS REALLY FUNNY TO BELIEVE ANYTHING I DO IS TO IMPRESS ANYONE BECAUSE IT ONLY ANNOYS PEOPLE & I KNEW THAT GOING IN BECAUSE I PREFER BEING HAPPIER BEING MYSELF THAN PRETENDING TO BE SOMETHING IM NOT
#]]INDIG0DISK#]]FLINT#QUEUE#10/03/23#STIMMING OBNOXIOUS#OUTFIT MISPLACED DRAWS ATTENTION UNCONVENTIONAL & STRANGE#MOST OF ARE QUIRKS ARE OUT OF PLACE & SOME ALTERS TYPE INCOMPREHENSIBLY WHICH MAKES COMMUNICATION DIFFICULT#PHYSICALLY DISABLED I TRY TO AVOID STAIRS I HAVE TO GO LONG WAYS IF MY FRIEND WANTS TO TALK & WALK I SAY IM NOT USING THE STAIRS BUT THEYRE#FREE TO IF THEYD LIKE#GOING BY NEOPRONOUNS IN REAL LIFE FUNDAMENTALLY ADDS A TARGET TO MY BACK & CAN CONFUSE PEOPLE#BUT I DO IT ALL ANYWAY BECAUSE IT IS NOT SOMETHING GENUINELY HARMFUL TO OTHERS & IT HELPS ME OR IS AN EXPRESSION OF MY TRUE SELF#MY OUTFIT CAN BE ANNOYING SOMETIMES BECAUSE I DONT ALWAYS HAVE THE SPOONS TO DRESS BUT IT MAKES ME HAPPY SO I DO IT OFTEN ANYWAYS#BUT IF IM IN TOO MUCH PAIN I DONT BECAUSE I AM NOT HERE TO IMPRESS ANYONE#IF ITS HIGH PAIN DAY I AM GOING TO WEAR A COMFORTABLE OUTFIT#IF I NEED TO STIM MORE I AM GOING TO STIM MORE#I AM GOING TO GO BY XE/XEM BECAUSE THOSE ARE MY PRONOUNS#WHY WOULD I BE ANY OF THIS WILLINGLY#I AM PROUD OF WHO I AM BUT WHY WOULD I GO OUT OF MY WAY TO BE SOMETHING IM NOT#I WISH I HAD AS MUCH ENERGY AS PEOPLE THINK I DO#NO IM IN PAIN ALL THE TIME & USUALLY HAVE ENOUGH SPOONS TO SCRAPE BY THE DAY
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love the “paul is autistic” headcanon!
hate people excusing his assholeness because “he’s autistic” which perpetuates a harmful stereotype that autistic people are assholes and there’s nothing we can do about (autistic ≠ being an asshole, they are not related)
love the “paul is autistic” headcanon!
hate people ignoring the symptoms that are “ugly”. every goddamn time i see people talking about his symptoms… it’s just. oh. he slightly stims and he’s a little anxious. and that’s it. like goodness i could go on about the “ugly” symptoms. like for example what about the two times (three if we count the audition) in the show he had a meltdown?? like? those are so fucking noticeable to me as an autistic person.
idk. if you’re gonna headcanon him as autistic do it right
#starkid#hatchetfield#hatchetverse#tgwdlm#the guy who didn't like musicals#paul matthews#nerdy prudes must die#npmd#black friday#musical theatre#theatre#payton rambles
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steve uses the non-verbal safeword.
CW: slight NSFW, panic/anxiety attack, harmful stims (scratching self)
“tap three times on me if you ever can’t speak and wanna stop, okay?”
yes, steve had remembered those words. all throughout the times they had sex, he remembered those words. but it didn’t make them any less scary.
the thought of ever needing to stop in the middle of a scene made his palms sweat. of course he and eddie trusted each other; knew that if the other was in trouble and needed to stop, they’d completely understand. no judging whatsoever.
but still… absolutely needing to stop and move on made him so anxious. deep down he didn’t want to be a disappointment. he didn’t want eddie upset.
“baby, what’s your color?” eddie murmured to him, rubbing his shoulders and slowing his rhythm. steve did not reply, shakily breathing into the pillow and tearing up.
“steve, color?” he asked, louder, and more firm. yet he could not bring himself to talk. his mind went to the other times in previous relationships, where he felt like this exactly, and they didn’t even think to check in. and he couldn’t bring himself to stop them.
he could feel eddie shift, basically ready to pull out, before he asked again, “steven.”
oh. his full name. eddie only used it when he was deadly serious. this seemed to snap him out of his haze, and he shakily reached behind him and found somewhere on his body to tap.
one. two. three soft and hesitant taps, just like eddie told him to do months ago.
“red,” eddie mumbled to himself, worried, and pulling out immediately. he flipped steve over, pulling him close and cupping his tear-stained cheeks.
“what’s wrong? what can i do?” he asked softly, searching his eyes.
“i- i don’t know,” he choked out, a heavy sob leaving his lips before gulping down air he felt like was leaving his body too fast.
“that’s okay, just breathe. breathe, steve, okay? c’mere,” he pulled him into his lap, his head in his neck as he continued to cry. eddie ran his fingers through his hair, and steve clutched onto him tight.
“deep and slow breaths,” he told him, and steve was doing the opposite. breathing way too fast and inhaling far too much, to the point his chest and stomach hurt and he began to feel dizzy.
“steven, listen to me,” there it was again, the full name, which brought him somewhat back to his senses, “deep, slow breaths. do it with me.”
and he tried. he breathed with eddie, taking in some air and blowing it out too fast before inhaling sharply again; coughing and sobbing.
“there, that’s it. it’s okay baby, just try again.”
steve only wanted to cry more. of course eddie was congratulating him even after he didn’t even do it.
“again,” he told him, beginning to inhale slowly, holding it, and exhaling slowly. steve followed, better this time, but still failing.
“i- i can’t,” he choked out.
“yes you can, do it with me,” he said, inhaling and exhaling again. steve followed, his hand going to his forearm, clawing to try and ground himself more.
“no,” eddie caught his arm, pulling it away and bringing it up to his chest, “do you remember what your therapist said?”
“he said,” he paused, his breath catching in his throat as he cried, “to find a different way to ground myself.”
“correct. now, just feel my heart. i’m right here, steve. i’m not leaving. try and match your heartbeat to mine,”
steve kept his hand flat against eddie’s chest, then did the same for himself. he could feel how fast his heart was going versus eddie’s, and it made him uncomfortable.
the other rubbed his back, and kept one hand running through his hair, breathing slow and deep and watched as steve tried to do the same.
“good job,” he praised, kissing his cheek. the pair’s breathing pattern was now the same, and steve was no longer crying. steve nodded as thanks, crawling off eddie’s lap and under the blankets, curling up. eddie stood to put his underwear and sweats back on, only to sit back down on the bed and run his fingers through steve’s hair again.
“do you want to talk about it?”
steve sighed shakily and shrugged, wiping his red cheeks.
“just started thinking,” he mumbled.
“about?”
“things in previous relationships. and then i started feeling like i was crawling in my own skin, and i started to panic,”
“what about your previous relationships?” he questioned, only curiously, with no mean intent.
steve let out a quick exhale before sitting up, “how i could never really say no, i guess? i know it doesn’t matter now. i trust you. and i started feeling overwhelmed in the first place, so i started thinking about the safe word, and how you told me to say ‘red’ or tap you three times. but it just made me anxious. i knew i needed to stop but i didn’t want to upset you in the process,”
“you could never upset me over something like that, steve, okay? that’s the point of the taps and the system we have. you know your limits, and in case they’re ever pushed, you do or say so. i’m so proud of you for using it,”
eddie pulled steve in for a hug, rubbing his back softly. steve’s heart kind of broke. here he was, in his boyfriend’s arms starting to cry again because he said he was proud of him. proud of him for something as simple as saying no, and stop. something he never thought he could do; something he was taught was wrong, and his boyfriend was praising him for it.
“i’m proud of you,” he repeated, to which steve only cried harder, nodding in his shoulder as thanks and sniffling.
he pulled back, laying down and wiping his face again.
“i’m gonna go bring you some water and some easy food to eat, okay? just stay there,” he smiled, getting up and heading to the kitchen.
steve smiled softly, getting comfortable under the warm blankets and inhaling the familiar scent of gain and eddie’s cheap cologne.
and he thanked the universe for a boyfriend that was actually a decent human being.
#stranger things#steddie#steve harrington#steve x eddie#eddie munson#eddie stranger things#overstimulated#safe word#angst#panic attack#overwhelmed#steven harrington#gay boys#boyfriend#gay men#short fiction#sweet#short but sweet
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