#talk about spotting your mistakes as soon as you hit upload

[jnoll]

them

[peachyysugaa]

troublemaker

― dancer youtubers!lee heeseung x gn!dance major!reader

sparks fly when the top two dancers on youtube collab!

genre: slow-burn fluff, s2l

wc: 3.9k (omg i'm sorry) + 2 twitter pics

warnings: probably some wrong dance terminology, slightly suggestive (the dance is just 😳), short timeskip, it's cheesy please bear with me

part of my youtuber enhypen series, the fifth upload! feel free to read on its own~ ♞──────────────────────────♞

you finish off your last move with your arms wide open, your chest heaving up and down from lack of breath. smiling nevertheless, you know you absolutely love the feeling of getting your breath taken away after dancing because you know it meant you did your best. you walk towards the camera lens and peek at the comments through your open laptop.

"did you all enjoy that?" you ask breathlessly grinning. the flooding comments are filled with compliments from your cover of nct u's boss. however, one comment, in particular, caught your eye as others seemed to reply to it.

heeseung ✔ 2s ago wow that was amazing do you wanna do a collab sometime? 😊

line break insurance you've failed me 5x already

your eyes widen as you let out a gasp. "is that the lee heeseung?" you accidentally say out loud. you wince at the realization of your mistake. the comments are both praising you for your success in getting noticed by the other top dancer on youtuber and relating to your remark.

heeseung ✔ 3s ago haha yes it's me dm me if you want to hear more about it 🤍

"oh wow... this is really cool..." you state before blinking to get you out of your stupor. "well everyone, that's going to be all for y/n's motion of dance today! thank you so much for tuning in, love you!"

you wave goodbye for a few more moments and then shut off the broadcast, closing your laptop as soon as you do. you blink twice and suddenly let out a scream.

you stop with a gasp and cover your mouth with your hands because you cannot believe you forgot that your dance studio isn't the most soundproof of places. "sorry, other dance students..." you whisper to them but more for yourself.

taking a look around your escape, your passion, you can't believe you've made it to where you are, being praised as one of the top dancers on such a vast social media platform like youtube. if anything, you guess it runs in your family, after all, you are related to choi yeonjun, who is considered 4th gen's it boy.

though people were skeptical of you at first when you came on the youtube scene as a dancer after your older brother started taking more to modeling and acting, you quickly proved them wrong by showing them your talent and bloomed from then on. of course, you can't forget to mention the person who skyrocketed just around the same time as you.

and that was the aforementioned lee heeseung. you sigh as you finish packing up your clothes and things to head back to your dorm, glancing out the window to see the sun beginning to set. it seems today was a rare early finish for you.

"i could go for a coffee... i need to finish my classics essay anyway," you mumble to yourself, throwing your bag over your shoulder before hitting the showers and changing into a more casual set of clothes. the finishing touch is a baseball cap that sits snug on your head. tightening the strap on the back and grabbing your backpack and dance bag, you finally take your leave of your beloved dance studio and return the key on the way out. fresh air meets your face, allowing you to take a whiff of the cherry blossoms that have been blooming for a month or so as you make your way to the campus café.

ding ding, the coffee shop's calm doorbell welcomes you as your nose is hit by the sweet smells of freshly ground coffee beans. "welcome!" one of the servers calls at the counter, smiling at your figure that walks closer to order. "what can i get you?"

"hi, may i have..." you scan the menu quickly for a familiar drink. "a honey cinnamon iced latte please?"

"of course, name please?"

"choi y/n," you reply.

if they recognize you, they don't make any notion of it, simply scribbling your name on the plastic cup as you make your payment. you're grateful for the normal interaction and the peacefulness of the café, especially after a surprising stream. "i'll call you when your order's ready, choi y/n-ssi," they inform you with a warm grin.

"thank you," you smile back before going to find a seat. spotting a relatively private area close by with only a pair of boys sitting at the booth, you decide to take the booth two spaces away from them. one boy, you notice, sits taller than the other, but his face is covered by a baseball cap. the other looks like a freshman, his cheeks accentuated by a pair of deep dimples.

as you take your seat, you can't help but think the boy with dimples looks rather familiar but can't seem to place your finger on it. shrugging, you simply begin preparing to write your essay by taking out your laptop and notes from your classics ge. the moment you finish is when you hear your name being called.

"choi y/n-ssi, your honey cinnamon iced latte," the server's voice calls. on your way to receive your awaiting drink, you can finally hear the voices of the two boys sitting two booths down from you.

"did your crush just say choi y/n?" the one with the hat says.

'yes, that's me,' you think to yourself nonchalantly.

"weren't you just watching their stream, heeseung hyung?" another voice says as you pick up your latte and thank the server.

wait, heeseung? as in lee heeseung? it's when you turn around with your drink in hand that you notice the two males looking straight at you. now you're able to make out the features of the boy with the cap, and there's no mistaking it.

"lee heeseung?" you mutter out loud at the same time he speaks out yours.

well, maybe that wasn't what you were expecting today, but hey, life is full of surprises, even if they are one after the other for you. after that unexpected encounter, you and heeseung acquainted yourselves, he invited you to sit with them, and now you're sitting at their table, awkwardly sipping on your latte.

"right, so should i leave?" the other boy, who you found out is studytuber and vlogger yang jungwon (which is why he looked familiar to you), blurts out. you chuckle as heeseung shakes his shoulder lightly. "what? you two clearly have to talk about something, i need to study."

"yea, yea, lover boy. make sure you say bye to your crush on the way out," the male dancer teases, causing the younger one to turn bright red.

"don't call me that, hyung," he mutters before picking up his bag and leaving the booth. sure enough, you watch as jungwon passes by the counter and erupts into a nervous mess the moment the server beams at him.

"ah... so he likes them?" you think out loud.

"yup, it's been almost four months now. i'm the reason he even knows this cafe and that server exists," heeseung mentions, making you nod courteously. he turns his attention back to you with his hand placed under his chin. "but their relationship is besides the point. let's talk about us."

"d-did you have to put it that way?" the forwardness catches you off-guard, and you suddenly have a harder time swallowing a sip of your coffee.

"sorry," he says with a teasing smile. "i just think the collab i mentioned would be good for both of us, and it'll be really fun too."

"i agree, people who like you will come to me and vice versa," you nod. "but do you know what we would be dancing to?"

"so does that mean you're in?" he asks, smile starting to grow on his face. wordlessly, you roll your eyes and hold out your hand for him to shake. that's when his full smile comes out, causing your cheeks to heat up as you think about how much more handsome it makes him look. taking your hand, heeseung shakes it with his vigorously. "alright, dance partner, we have a deal."

after much deliberation and research, the two of you finally agree on troublemaker by the duo hyuna and hyunseung. heeseung suggested this song, stating that he always wanted to do the choreo with somebody and that it's destiny that both males have a name that starts with h and ends with seung. quite frankly, it's not like you could find much anyway, besides some cool music bank mc stages, it is cool that troublemaker was originally an opposite-gender duo in the korean entertainment industry.

the choreography however is an entirely different story. at many points, hyuna's body is touched by hyunseung and vice versa, but if they can do it and stay professional, then you believe you can too. besides, dancing will always be just dancing. heeseung also assures you that if you want, the two of you can just have your hands hovering, which makes you feel relieved to have an understanding partner.

hours pass by, and you and heeseung decide to meet at your usual dance studio daily after all your classes, which wasn't hard because he also frequented the same one.

"i still can't believe we attend the same university," you say aloud as the both of you pack up your laptops and supplies.

"i know right, you would think one of us would recognize the dance studio we go to 24/7, right?" he laughs. "although, i've seen you use a different one sometimes."

"do you really watch my covers and streams often?" you ask baffled. he and you wave the workers goodbye and make your way to the brisk evening air waiting outside as the staff sends you off.

"i do, is that so hard to believe?"

"a little," you reply sheepishly.

"well, let me walk you to your dorm and prove to you how much of a choi y/n stan i am," he boasts, and you let yourself laugh freely as you walk beside him to your destination.

it's strange, knowing a famous youtuber you watched also knew and followed you, but then again, you're not exactly nobody either. when heeseung drops you off, he admits that he actually lives a few floors above you and that you two can walk home together after each rehearsal. it's even stranger, knowing a famous youtuber literally has been on your campus, in the same dorm building as you, and this whole time, the two of you have both been clueless as to the other's existence as an ordinary college student.

speaking of which, he can't be a dance major, right? otherwise, you would've already seen him! these thoughts keep you tossing and turning to the point you don't register when you fell asleep. when you wake up, you feel as if you didn't get any sleep at all, but get up and ready nevertheless, going through another regular day as a dance major.

by the time your classes are over, you walk out of the studio yawning about to stop by your dorm to freshen up and maybe fit in a nap. you're holding a hand over your mouth mid-yawn when a voice starts talking to you.

"good thing i stopped by to get coffee." you open your eyes and close your mouth to see lee heeseung holding two cups of coffee. he's dressed in an oversized white shirt and grey sweatpants, a common dance practice outfit, so why is your heart skipping so many beats. "yo, choi y/n."

"heeseung," you say, still shocked. he hands you the coffee, which is actually the same flavor you got yesterday. "thanks."

"no problem," he replies coolly. "maybe we should take a break before we get to it?"

"i'll be fine, how about we can start watching the choreo?"

"they're always ready to dance," he nods with an impressed smile. "as expected of a dance major."

the two of you walk inside and book a studio for a few hours as you raise an eyebrow at him. "wait, what major are you?"

"music production."

"that makes so much sense!" you say relieved, stepping into the studio room for the umpteenth time. "i was racking my brains wondering what major you were."

"so the famous choi y/n is curious about me?" he smirks. you groan and facepalm in response. "i'm kidding, i'm kidding. let's watch the video on my tablet?"

nodding, the two of you watch carefully, eyes glued to the screen at your respective roles. you hold your breath at some touchy parts but also notice that both idols were able to shine in their solos.

"a few tweaks here and there, and it'll be perfect," heeseung comments once the video is over. "but let's go over some boundaries, yeah? let me know what you're comfortable with and what you're not."

"right," you agree, once again relieved to have such a safe and understanding partner like him. "well, i think i'm okay with you touching my arms, shoulders, and hips like hyunseung did to hyuna. i just need some time to get used to it."

"alright, that sounds good," he says nodding with a hand under his chin. "then for today, i'll just hover my hands over the places they need to be."

"what a gentleman," you tease.

he rolls his eyes playfully at you. "let's start marking."

and so that's what the two of you start on. with the video on the tablet, you go through the motions with the speed lowered, eventually picking up more moves until you're able to follow at the normal speed. as expected of the top two dancers on youtube, the two of you are quick on observing and learning the dance and get done with basic marking within 20 minutes or so.

after marking, you take a quick water break to watch the video again in full detail, officially beginning your first real practice. as promised, throughout the entirety of marking, heeseung has kept his hands to himself, but you've become comfortable enough to have him do a little more.

before you start practicing for real, you decide to speak with him. "hee," you call him as he puts down his water bottle.

"hm?" he confirms that you have his attention, looking up with his large doe-like eyes while wiping his mouth off from some excess water.

"uhm.." you fidget with your top a little before mustering up some courage. "you can do light touches now for the choreo."

"really? are you sure?" you nod at his question, causing him to come up to you and ruffle your hair lightly. you bat his hands away with a pout, smoothing out the mess he made as he laughs at you. "that's great, y/n," he says with a bright smile, unknowingly making your heart beat a little faster as you nod again. in your head, you rush to cover up the physical reaction with an excuse that it's just from the amount of exercise you've done.

the two of you stand in front of the mirror, ready to go. before the music starts, heeseung turns to you and says, "just let me know if i make you uncomfortable at all."

"i'll be fine," you reassure him with a small smile. that's when the song begins, and the sparks start to fly. every move flowed like water, yet every touch between the two of you was like electricity as if the two elements were working together instead of fighting. even though the touches are light, they still put chills up your spine, in a way that you can only describe with the phrase "meant to happen."

was fate moving its course to put this match together, or were you imagining it? you're not sure, but you grin while catching your breath once the first practice is over. falling to the floor softly, you sit with your hands splayed behind you and let out a relieved sigh. "ahh... dancing is so... great!"

heeseung chuckles at your reaction and offers a hand to get you up. "i'm glad you think that because we got a lot more practice ahead of us, partner."

"yup!" you say with a widening smile. the moment you took his hand, you felt an electric jolt that almost made you let go. getting up, you shake it off and barely catch the expression on your dance partner's face. "is something the matter?"

he blinks a bit before he's shaking his head with that charming smirk of his. "nope! let's practice!"

practice, practice, practice. that's how the next few hours go. and just like the day before, heeseung walks you to your dorm building, this time the conversation about how excited the two of you are for the recording.

that's basically how the next four or so days go, now that heeseung came into your life. your daily routine of wake up, eat, class, dance, repeat was shaken by him, because now he was a part of it. it's an indescribable feeling, hanging out with him. the best word, or phrase actually, is the same one you used while dancing with him: meant to be.

so when you finally get to the day of recording, you almost don't want it to end. at least, that's what you're telling your best friend and makeup artist, kim sunoo.

"friend, you're telling me that you and this guy have been following along to..." he tells you to look up as he curls your eyelashes. "a dance like that for four days and you've been getting shocks this whole time?"

"i mean, yeah?"

"y/n, i love you, but you're missing a little something, aren't you?"

"wha-!?"

"pucker up, sweetie, we're making your lips look kissable," sunoo commands. you do an eye-roll but do as he says. "if you don't ask him out or do something by the end of this, you can at least kiss your best shot at a boyfriend goodbye with luscious lips."

he finishes applying the color and asks you to rub your lips together and make that pop sound. "perfect," your best friend compliments. "go out there and get your mans."

"thank you, sunoo!" you say, gazing at your reflection in the mirror and loving the way he accentuated your features. "by the way, you're all talk. you should ask your celebrity crush out when they appear on your channel."

"i'll get there when i get there!" he whines and starts pushing you out of his dorm room. "just go get 'em, tiger."

with that, you make your way to the dance studio where heeseung is waiting for you, dressed in hyunseung's iconic suit with the leopard-patterned blazer. your heart quickens, seeing how much more handsome he looks dressed up, hair slicked back and some makeup done. he looks up upon hearing the door open and his mouth slightly hangs open as well.

the both of you are silent as you approach him, in your equally bedazzling outfit, sheer to mimic hyuna's stage dress. "you look amazing," the two of you say at the same time. stunned at the simultaneous sentence, you two immediately start guffawing at how this was unlike your usual interactions.

"that was so awkward!" you blurt out, unable to contain your laughter.

"yea, not like us at all," he admits while he wipes a stray tear from laughing too hard away. smiling at each other, you admire the way his eyes reflect your image and sparkle. "you ready to get this show on the road."

"ready as i'll ever be." the two of you get into your positions on the opposite ends of the room, and heeseung starts the camera and the music soon after. you take each step slowly to meet him in the middle as he takes your hand and brings it up to his lips to give it a kiss while smirking. you keep your face professional as the two of you take a few steps forward, the back of his fingers curled over the front of yours.

starting back-to-back, you walk forward a bit before the beat drops and heeseung's part begins. you're on autopilot as you dance your fingers from his chest to his shoulders, and then the chorus comes. hips swaying, you're able to feel his hands' light taps on your body as the two of you lose yourself to the music you've danced to hundreds of times this week.

then, it's your killing part as you lipsync hyuna's rap and take bold steps around heeseung's body, ending up behind him to bring your hands over his shoulders and make a scratching movement across his chest. you step towards his side, do your thing, and walk away as if playing hard to get.

you wait for his part during the bridge and make a side glance towards him before moving towards him and performing the hip-heavy part of the chorus together. your partner moves his face up along your arm, taking it in like you're a statue. you then act like you brush him away when heeseung gets close enough. after this second chorus, you're leaving him to do his big solo, watching carefully as he makes his every move precise and crisp yet flow well.

it's the last chorus now, and this time, you can't take your eyes off each other as you finally face one another. you stay drowning in his shades of brown without a single misstep until you have to walk away from him. you wait for him to come towards you, back slightly turned away as he jaunts forward, making his way to be captured by your hand behind his neck.

the last breath of the song is the one where you're supposed to turn your head away as his own chases yours, but this time, you brave forward and lean in close. the music fades away, but all you hear is his breathing, feeling it against your own.

you stay like this, ensnared in each other's arms, forgetting about everything except the person wrapped close to you as you feel his every breath against your lips and every inhale and exhale under your hand. he searches your eyes, looking for some kind of sign. "do you mind if i—"

that was all you needed before you're pressing your lips against his. it only takes seconds for him to kiss you back, moving his hands from their previous position on your hips to hold your face. becoming breathless from dancing was one thing, becoming breathless from kissing heeseung was another thing entirely, it was in a league of its own you note as you pull away and rest your forehead on his.

"we'll have to edit that out," you say after what seemed like ages of taking each other in while chuckling.

"i have a better idea than editing."

"oh, and what's that, handsome?"

"look at you getting all bold, troublemaker," heeseung replies with that smile of his. he shakes his head, moving away from you and taking your hand in his. "how about we go on our first official date as youtube's top dancer couple?"

"that does sound like a better idea," you agree, your own smile widening.

"then let's make it happen, sweetheart."

bonus! - click for full images

taglist: @cha-raena @imjustme-things @misoiishi @rikitaiyaki send an ask to join the taglist! :3c permanent taglist: @fiantomartell

a/n: wow this was a long one!! i'm not sure if i detailed all the movements well, but i hope you all enjoyed it nevertheless <3

[lovesanmotion]

ateez reacts: in a serious arguement with s/o

💌 This is: requested

Hongjoong: 

When you met Hongjoong, it was the happiest day of your life. Everytime you get sad, your brain takes a trip down memory lane and reminds you of the day when you met him. Of course it brings a smile on your face. However, a happy memory can no longer bring happiness to you. 

Arguement after arguement, nothing seems to be coming to peace between you and Hongjoong. One heated night, tensions arose once more between the two of you, arguing how Hongjoong so desperately wants a child but you say you still weren’t ready. 

“We’ve been married for three fucking years! If only I knew our marriage is going into a shithole, I shouldn’t have married you or should have opted for a second marriage!” Hongjoong slams his fist onto the wooden table that broke and slid down on the floor. Tears brimmed your eyes at the impact and weight of his words. You felt guilty and to blame for. 

“Y-Y/N- I didn’t mean that..” Hongjoong spoke, his features softening as he tries to approach you. But you looked up to him, your visions blurry at the tears ooling in your eyes. 

“No it’s okay. It’s really okay. It looks like you’ve made up your mind and why should I get in the way? I hope you’re happy with the choice you’ve made.” You smiled at him, despite the pain and emotional stress you’ve pent up for weeks, you let it all out by crying yourself to sleep, And when the morning comes, you quietly slip out of the shared apartment and Hongjoong’s life. 

Seonghwa: 

Days spent with Seonghwa always felt like walking into a flowery road that would lead you two into happiness. And the road is endless, you were sure that he’s the one for you. But you spoke too soon. 

Now, throwing plates are being thrown at one another, dodging those plates as they hit on the walls and picture frames. As Seonghwa throws a plate, it narrowly misses you and smashes into the picture frame that you took on your first date. And suddenly, the world made you two stop and stare and take in everything that happened for the past few minutes. Neither of you two could speak, let alone look at each other in the eye. What happened, happened. And now the silence spoke for the two of you. 

Yunho: 

Your parents were against you dating Yunho. Why? They know for a fact that relationships between an idol and non idol partner were uncommon and would never work due to the fact that the idol’s schedules are hectic and almost has no room for them to breathe into their personal lives. But you still wanted to be with Yunho. At the same time, Yunho’s parents were aginst him dating you as well. Why? To put it simply, you are non idol. They want someone for him who walks down the runways or sings in sold out arenas, but you didn’t fit in any category. 

And lately, it seemed to you that Yunho was slowly giving in to his parents’ wishes. The photos he uploads on his Instagram stories includes different women every night, all of them are not like you. It pains you that this silent arguement kept on going between you two. And one day, while on a walk with Yunho, you stopped walking. You were somehow hoping that he would stop from his tracks and look back at you, if you were catching up to. But to see him continue walking without even going back to look at you is already enough to know where you two are heading. 

Yeosang: 

Yeosang coming into your life was the best thing that has ever happened to your existence up to day. Though you two have different worlds, you solely depended your life and happiness to him. And the world seemed to be in favor of you, after a year of dating, he got down on one knee and married you in front of hundreds of people. You were the happiest, nothing in this world could ever make you sad, as long as Yeosang’s beside you. 

But what if your world’s the one that decides to hurt you? Weeks after the marriage, Yeosang had a complete change of heart. He stopped coming home to you and was always spotted with a certain someone whenever he is outside. Whenever you confronted to him about it, he tells you not to worry. But you knew it was a lie and without knowing, you unconsciously raised your hand and swung it across his face. 

Was it enough to make him feel the pain you feel? Maybe not. But was worth it? Yes. You hated yourself for being not good enough, but most importantly, you hated yourself for depending your happines to a person. 

San: 

They say “nothing lasts forever, nothing stays the same”, but you love to disagree with that saying. What about the elderly couples who found love and comfort in each other and are growing old together? What about those couples who, after so many lifetimes, still find each other in different life times? 

Being young and naive has its cons, but you believe in the idea of love and all its forms. And that is what brought yout to believe that San is the one for you. Talking about your plans together, what you two would want to be in the long run, how many children he wants to have. You are young and naive but believe in the idea of love and all its forms. 

But when everything comes spiraling down, a false rumour spreading against you and San chooses to believe whoever spreaded the rumour and never listened to any word you say made you think about the saying. You never confronted San anymore as you let the relationship that you so love and dear fall apart before you. 

Mingi: 

When you got into a relationship with Mingi, you never suspected anything. Nothing was suspiscious and out of the place at all. But after a year of dating did it only made you realize why you were somehow suspiscious: not once did you two fight each other. You couldn’t believe how a year of dating Mingi and is the most healthiest relationship you have ever been. This is exactly what you wanted that others want too, and you were lucky and thankful at the same time. 

But you never got along with his friends, and so did your friends with him too. Whenever they would go out and drink, they would often talk about you and often make up lies about you. This went unnoticed to you, how toxic his friend group. Until one day, Mingi confronted you with all the things his friends have said about you. You argued back by saying how could he believe them instead of listening to what you have to say. THe night went on you two cursing at each other until it was inevitable to fix whatever you two had build together. 

Wooyoung: 

After being married to Wooyoung, you thought everything would fall into place. However, three months into the marriage, not one day did he initiate any itimacy with you. It was always the “good morningy/n” and “i’m going to work now”. He was never like that before when you two were dating, you wondered what caused him to be so cold towards you. 

“When can we expect a grandchild?” Your mother in law asks. 

“Having a child is too early. Y/N and I are still enjoying each other’s company, that’s what matters, mother.” Wooyoung smoothly answers for you. You felt small in the eyes of your in laws, unable to tell them the truth. 

“Do you really think its too soon for us to have a child?” You ask as you cleaned the dishes once his parents left. 

“Having a child is too much right now. My parents even want you to stop working.” 

And that’s when your soft facade cracked. First, Wooyoung has been so cold towards you, second, his family belittled you earlier and now they want to take away the career you’ve worked hard to get. You couldn’t help but let out a dramatic, long sigh and ranted everything that you’ve been feeling. 

“And do you think I have it nicely for me? That you think everything is going well for me? Maybe marrying you was a mistake.” 

Jongho: 

Jongho was never almost always home. He was always outside, impressing his bosses by taking them out to restaurants, treating them to lavish parties and women while you were left at home, having to take care of your eleventh month baby and worried sick if he’ll ever come home. As a good wife, you’ve made everything for him - cook his food, iron his home and work clothes, kept the side of this bed warm and always makes sure he still has hot water to use in the shower. But then, those things that you do for him tires you out now, and you no longer continue to do them for him. 

When he complains how he comes home with no food and a cold shower to use, you kept yourself quiet and moved around like a ghost. Jongho walks up to you and takes a hold on the back of your head, motioning you to turn around to him.

“If I ask you something, you should respond. I’m your husband.” He spat, but you looked at him with hate and pushed yourself off his hold.  

“Husband? You’re always and never home, if only your son could talk right now, he would always ask for you. It’s always me who runs around this house! And I got tired of waiting for you! You don’t how it feels, because you’re too busy kissing other people’s asses!” 

Jongho’s pushes you away from him, maybe a little too agrressive when you landed on the floor with a loud thud. That night, Jongho slept on the couch, and you on the little bedding inside the baby room. Maybe a divorce doesn’t sound so bad after all. 

[alfredosauce50]

You’re gonna go far, kid [Punk! England x reader]

Synopsis: Ever since coming to England to study, you haven’t had the time to do what made you come in the first place--tourism! The only friend you have is an exchange student from Russia, Ivan, so why not kill two birds with one stone? He schedules a little playdate with Arthur, a local, so he can show you around the hottest spots in London. You two immediately hit it off. Ivan is quick to notice his interest in you, so he starts teasing the poor man and making things hard for him. Camden is the last destination, and there’s no saying when he’ll ever see you again. Will he be able to get over himself and ask you out before the night ends?  Note: Attractions are italicized and have a link to a picture. Wordcount: 4,641 The reader is referred to as she/her.

This was the day you had been dreading, and yet, looking forward to. The first part was easy to explain. Picking up your hot latte, you set it down after a quick sip. You didn’t even have time to enjoy it. Not when you were typing away at your keyboard like a speed demon. You promised your friend you would finish your assignment before today’s meet-up, but your procrastination habits were a bitch. Nevertheless, you were eager to uphold your side of the deal, even if it meant stressing your hair out to get it done. 

So long as he didn’t show up before you were done, right? 

After burning your tongue for the second time that morning, you let out a small groan at the sting you felt but gasped at what you saw outside the window. It was a sound made from genuine terror--rather than the quiet streets of London at seven AM, you spotted a man pressing his face right up to the glass. And he was staring at you, menacingly. 

Anybody would’ve been creeped out by the sight, but you knew the guy. “Aha--Ivan! Hey! Morning?” You began rather awkwardly. 

He waved in response, and his glower melted away in exchange for a childlike smile. “Dobroye utro, (F/N)! I hope that’s not your assignment you’re doing.” He hummed, placing two hands on the glass to peer at your screen from outside. Oh shit. Glancing briefly at said screen, you turned it away before clicking the upload button. 

“Of course not.” You grinned, shutting your laptop immediately after. “I was just... Surfing the net. Checking Instagram. You know?”

“Is that so? I’m gonna check.” He made his way inside. And in no time, he was looming over your shoulder to start browsing through your internet history. You, on the other hand, were sweating balls. 

“You’re so funny, (F/N). Who checks Instagram on their computer?”

It seemed like only yesterday he was the oblivious exchange student from Russia who had no concept of social media. He had been a country bumpkin through and through, but a few semesters after befriending you, your influence rubbed off on him. Even you had no idea what went through your head when decided to talk to him, the intimidating new kid who spoke broken English, but there was no turning back now. He was attached to you by the hip and picked up on your habits faster than you could deal. 

He only became more of a menace when he discovered Twitter.

A displeased expression contorted at his expression when he saw that there was no evidence of you ‘surfing the net’. Google Docs couldn’t possibly count, after all.  “... Hm... Apparently, not you. Why didn’t you finish this yesterday, sunflower? Remember our promise?” 

You sighed. “Look, I’m sorry. I passed out last night. But hey, I technically finished it before you came, didn’t I?” 

He craned his head from side to side in thought. “Maybe. But if you hadn’t, you know what that means.” Ivan coiled his arms around your neck and a sickeningly sweet smile curled up at his lips. 

“You will come with me to Moscow for Christmas!” 

A chill ran down your spine at the thought. Going to Russia was bad enough. But during Winter? You were never good with the cold. If you could barely handle London, Moscow was out of the question. “Oh God, please no.” He nodded giddily. “I’m never going to Russia. Maybe I’d consider it during Summer, but--anyway, that’s not the point here! I didn’t break any promises so I won’t be turning into a popsicle this year. Got that?” 

He pouted. “Aw...” 

“You damn sadist.” 

“Hehe.” 

“I wonder how you even became friends with him. Arthur, was it? Poor dude.” You mumbled, but he didn’t look all too offended. 

He tapped his chin and hummed. “Now that you mention it.” Then, he let out a short laugh. “It’s a long story. Let’s just say it was a happy little accident.”

“Unfortunate.” 

“But don’t worry! I don’t plan on bothering you as much as him today.” Ivan clarified, earning a slow nod from you. Phew. The clock was inching closer to eight and you weren’t much of a morning person, so hearing that was like music to your ears. “That’s why I wanted you to finish your work yesterday. I want him to be the only one making mistakes! It’s interesting to see him mess up and get embarrassed.” 

You had to wonder if he was using ‘interesting’ as a synonym for fun because he was clapping. “... Ivan, you really are a sadist.” 

The two of you stayed in that café for another hour or so, ordering some breakfast during your stay. Once the table was cleared and the bill was paid, you and he caught a bus to the London eye. You could marvel at the iconic ferris wheel for a few minutes as you walked up to the London aquarium next to it, your first stop. The building was huge to start with, and it didn’t look like they’d be storing fish in there considering how fancy it was. But wasn’t everything in England fancy? 

“He should be waiting in the front. Look for a short grouchy man with a bad taste in fashion.” You shot him a weird look, beckoning him to elaborate. 

“... And blonde hair.”

“Alright. I guess I’ll try my best.” Glancing around the sea of people filled with tourists, couples, and families, you skimmed the crowd for someone who fitted the description--but to no avail. It was only when they walked up to you both did you find the guy. He had short and choppy blonde hair that framed a heart-shaped face, and under his fringe was a pair of lime green eyes staring on with a neutral expression. And did Ivan say he had bad taste?

You couldn’t agree. Yes, his charcoal pants were ripped and he had a bandana tied around his neck with a Union Jack on it. But he still had a kind of style you liked. Under his black leather jacket was a gray shirt, and combined with the piercings in his right ear, you couldn’t help admiring him for a second. 

“Arthur! I was wondering if you were trampled because we couldn’t find you.” Ivan began, causing the said man to furrow his brows. And boy, were they thick. 

“You just arrived, so don’t start now you twat.” He grumbled. Ivan never teased you for your height, even when you were a little shorter than the Brit. He always found it cute, but you figured it was only because you didn’t care. The Russian always found amusement in poking fun at others, after all. “Anywho, I’m glad I won’t be spending the whole day alone with you.” 

Turning to you with a soft smile this time, he held out a hand for you to shake. “Kirkland. Arthur Kirkland.” 

You shook it, but not without a laugh. It hadn’t even been a minute since meeting him, and his personality seemed to clash violently with his appearance. He sounded so prim and proper, but his outfit screamed punk rock. 

“(L/N). (F/N) (L/N).” 

He released you from his grip. Placing his hands on his hips with an accusing stare, he felt a grin upturn his lips. “Are you copying me, (F/N)?” 

“I don’t know. Do all British people introduce themselves like James Bond?” 

Arthur clicked his tongue. “... Not all of them. Just a force of habit.” 

“Mhm. Right, right. Well, it’s nice to meet you, Arthur. I’m a student here too and I could only imagine how busy it gets for you--so thanks for coming out today!” He didn’t respond to those comments and simply nodded. 

Ivan stayed quiet in the back, but he was probably reading the atmosphere like he always did when he didn’t speak. 

“It’s nice to meet you too.” The blonde turned on his heel and closed his eyes. “As much as I’d like to stay out here and chat, we can do that in the aquarium. Wouldn’t wanna waste our tickets, do we?” 

While the group of three wandered slowly through the establishment, Ivan lingered in the background while you walked in the front with the Brit. For the first ten minutes, you’d look at him expectantly, gesturing for him to join in the conversation. As the mutual, wasn’t he supposed to be the icebreaker? He’d shake his head every time, offering you a smile as if to say, go and make some friends. But soon, this brief spell of irritation morphed into gratitude.

“I’ve been here probably a hundred times, so don’t take it personally when I don’t seem as excited as you.” Turning to him to watch his face as he spoke--which was filtered through a bluish tinge from the Antarctic setting-- you only caught a brief glimpse of it before he turned away. Huh. Maybe it was just you not paying enough attention. 

Either way, what came out of your mouth next would surely grab his. 

“Don’t worry about it. But hey, this is the first time you’ve been here with me, so look alive, won’t you?” It happened to be a slip of the tongue, something bold and improvised, but luckily, he reacted fairly quickly before the regret set in.

“Oi, you better not be flirting with me already,” Arthur grumbled, feeling another smile come as he heard you chuckle. Since when was he this expressive? He pinned it on the fact that he was starting to have a little fun himself. 

“Couldn’t imagine it.” Before he could add anything else, you hopped in front of the penguins and started waving your friend over with great gusto. “Ivan, c’mere. Arthur, mind taking a photo of us?” Once he joined your side, the two of you held up peace signs for the Brit to snap a photo. 

“Ivan, change your pose. We can’t have both of you doing the same thing.” 

The said man moved his peace sign to the back of your head so he could stick two fingers over it. “Is that better?”

“... Better.” Trailing his emerald eyes to you, he felt his cheeks heat up a touch at the sight of you grinning ear to ear. What the fuck, Arthur. Just take the damn photo. And that was exactly what he did, showing you both right after. Whatever just happened, he boiled it down to him idealizing a stranger. That was right. He had yet to get to know you, so his perception of you couldn’t be any better at this stage. 

But there was one thing he couldn’t deny.

“Damn, I look really ugly in this. You two better not post this anywhere.” You settled a hand over the screen to lower it with a nervous laugh. Then, you looked away, and what was that? You looked a little flustered. 

You were cute.

Hanging his head to look at the photo, he knitted his brows together. You? Ugly? He couldn’t imagine it. 

“... I bet I could take an even uglier one of you.”

Spinning back to him, you folded your arms. “What did you say?” 

“Nothing.” He shook his head slowly, and the amusement in his voice made it blatantly obvious he was lying. 

“That’s what I thought.” 

Walking off at that, Ivan followed. Because he was behind him, he could brush his shoulders against his. Arthur looked up at that, but almost wished he didn’t. Ivan was smiling down at him so shrewdly, it was threatening. Then, he raised a hand to his mouth so he could laugh softly. “Huhu. You like (F/N)~” 

His eyes flew open and blood rushed up to his face. “What the hell gave you that impression? I literally just met them!” As adamant as he sounded, he knew deep inside he liked you, but only platonically. Your personality was refreshing, and talking to you was as easy as breathing. Even if it wasn’t platonic attraction, he was endlessly frustrated the other figured it out earlier than he could. 

Whatever it was, he was certainly more sociable than usual, even to the point of being a tease. And not to mention the rosy cheeks. Maybe he should’ve just kept his trap shut--otherwise, his huge outburst let Ivan milk the obvious. Fuck. He even started to giggle like a schoolchild. 

Giving him a rough shove, he muttered a string of curses under his breath.  “I bloody hate your arse, you know that?” He hissed, his face now redder than a tomato. God, why he did have to be born so pale? Every slight change to his complexion was jarring, and it was embarrassing. 

“Don’t hate me because I’m right,” Ivan hummed, joining his side as your back came into view. “Once you realize, it’ll be too late. I’m not letting you have (F/N). I will always be (F/N)’s number one.” Lighting up at that, he skipped off to you in the front. “Wait for me, sunflower! Don’t leave me alone with Arthur!”

Arthur stopped in his tracks and clenched his fists. How annoying. If he was going to continue being a little tyke, then he figured he’d up his game as well. He didn’t know what that exactly entailed yet, but he’d do it. Ivan didn’t even sound like he wanted anything more than friendship, so what was with that? Pointing a finger at him as he walked off with you, his face scrunched up. 

“What did you even call me out for then, you idiot? I’m supposed to be guiding you both!” Picking up his pace at that, he slotted himself between you and him. Flashing you a brief smile, he gave Ivan another push without breaking eye contact. “It’s a tight fit for three, so he’ll stay in the back.” 

“Hey, no fair!” 

By the time the whole aquarium was toured, you and Arthur were laughing to yourselves while leaving through the exit. 

But the joyful atmosphere was short-lived. 

The Ferris wheel just outside was the next stop, and the Brit offered to splurge a little to have a carriage without strangers. That way, you could run around as much as you wanted, even if that meant leaving the two men to sit in their lonesome. While Ivan was sitting on the bench in the centre out of his own volition, the same couldn’t be said for him. 

Sitting back to back to the other, he pressed his legs firmly together and leaned over in a hunch. Then, he dug his hands through his hair, all while keeping his round eyes fixated on the ground. His heart couldn’t stop pounding, and his head was spinning like a carousel. What was he thinking, taking you here? That was right. This was an iconic destination you couldn’t miss, that was why. He was initially planning on staying back there on the ground, but you were so excited, he couldn’t help but hop on with you. 

Fuck. Maybe Ivan was right about him. But he wouldn’t let him know it. Speaking of the guy, he didn’t know if he was sitting there by choice, or just rubbing it in. While he was incapacitated by fear so he couldn’t even stand, he was sitting there because he wanted to. 

“You should’ve stayed on the ground if this was going to happen.” 

Arthur screwed his eyes shut and tightened his arms around his stomach. “... Shut up.” 

“I was just saying.” Ivan murmured, looking at him over his shoulder. Poor guy. He really was down bad, wasn’t he? Down bad for you, that was. Too bad Arthur was hoping he wasn’t convinced--but it was too obvious. So all Ivan wanted was to prove his point, and later on, keep you away from him. But maybe he’d save it until after the ride was over. “... This ride is thirty minutes long. You’ll live.” 

He heard the other groan. “Thirty minutes? How long has it been?” 

“Mm... Ten.” 

“Fuck me.” 

Unfortunately, it wouldn’t be long before you would pull away from the railing and return to the company of the two. Arthur had been praying that somehow, you’d leave him alone sitting there, pathetically, but he couldn’t expect something so cold from you. So while he hung his head, he wasn’t surprised to feel your hand on his shoulder. 

“Hey, you okay?” He heard you ask, but he never looked up. 

“... Yeah. Just give me a minute.” 

“I have. Ten, actually.” Taking a seat beside him, you leaned down to peer at his face, which was a few shades paler than normal. He didn’t even have the energy to respond, and kept his eyes fixed to the ground. Concern immediately contorted at your features, especially when he looked so shaken. “Arthur, you look a little sick. What’s wrong? Can you talk?” 

He shook his head slowly before managing a weak smile at you. “Sorry, love.” It didn’t even faze him he just called you that. He was far too uncomfortable to feel the embarrassment from a nickname he should’ve saved until a little later. 

“I’m not... Too good with heights. Never have been... I was hoping you wouldn’t notice.” His voice was slow and faint, and you were beginning to suspect he was having a panic attack. “... Sorry if I seem a little lame.” 

“No, of course not.” You frowned. “Things like this happen. Just breathe with me, okay? You can do it. Just count to ten.” 

Arthur took a deep inhale. “... Okay.” 

Around ten minutes later of these exchanges, he calmed down some, especially when you kept on reminding him that the carriage was finally descending. Once the ride was over, you had to help him up and walk him out. Now that he had his two feet planted firmly on the ground, it didn’t take long for him to recover. Even then, you remained rather cautious and stuck with him on your journey to Soho. By the time everyone took their seats in Circolo Popolare, a beautiful Italian restaurant Arthur so kindly booked, you were still looking out for him.

Leaning over to rest your head on the table, you glanced up at his face with a soft smile. “... You okay now?” 

A light blush dusted his cheeks and he nodded. You didn’t need to be this observant with him considering he was well now, but he loved your attentiveness. It wasn’t something he was used to. “Yeah, I’m fine now. Thank you. Now quit worrying about me, alright?” Rubbing the nape of his neck at that, you couldn’t help lingering on his body language for a moment.

It didn’t matter what he dressed like, or what his personality was. He could be endearing when it came to it, and a total softie too. And the thought made you smile even wider. If he thought you were cute, then you thought he was adorable. “Fine. I’ll leave you alone.” You slowly turned to Ivan, the action making Arthur tense up a little. 

Reaching out to your hand, he took it. “I didn’t mean it like that.” 

The feeling of his warm fingers around yours made your heart skip a beat. Did he just? Your thoughts manifested into your look of shock, and you darted your eyes over his neutral expression to try and decipher it. Before you could come up with anything, there was a phone in your face, followed by a flash. 

“Wha--?” 

He turned the screen to you to reveal a photo of you, and in your opinion, it was the least flattering picture anybody had ever taken of you. “I said I’d take an uglier photo of you, didn’t I?” Arthur grinned, the words acting like a cold splash of water to bring you back to reality. 

“... You sneaky little shit.” You growled. “Delete that right now!” 

“How about no?” 

“I’ll never forgive you for this, Arthur.” 

“I think you already have, love. You’re smiling right now.” 

You stared at him wordlessly for a few seconds. Then, out of nowhere, you reached out to snatch his phone right out of his hands. Tapping furiously on the screen to get rid of it, you heard his chair scrape back violently as he tried to retrieve it. “Why, you--” 

But it was too late. Gone forever. Lost in the abyss of cyberspace. And so, he immediately channelled his frustration by jabbing his fingers into your sides. “If I can’t have that photo of you, at least let me do this!” You burst into a fit of laughter so loud, nearby patrons turned their heads. Only then did he pull away, leaving you to recover through breathless wheezing. 

“Fuck you, Arthur.” You whispered, but it was on an affectionate note more than anything. As you glowered at him from your seat, you never noticed Ivan doing the same thing, but he was glaring at the Brit for an entirely different reason. Arthur had to be the most self-aware person out there, and to make a scene in a restaurant like this? He really fell for you, didn’t he? 

When he realized Ivan’s scorching gaze burning into him, he froze. 

Not just out of how intimidated he was, but the epiphany that he was right all along. Why else was he acting so out of character? The only explanation was this--in the short time of being with you, he may or may not have developed a little crush. But that was no problem, right? 

All he needed to do was to ask you out. 

But that would prove a task easier said than done, especially when Ivan decided to attach himself to you by the hip after that stunt. That cunning bastard knew what he was doing. After a little window shopping around Bond street and Mayfair, he stuck to you like a tattoo, and kept it up until night fell. While the group walked around Camden, Ivan kept you by his side with a firm grip on your hand. 

When you asked why he was suddenly so clingy, he simply justified it with, “It’s dangerous for small people like you to wander around at night!” 

But Arthur called bullshit. Especially when the other went ahead and smirked at him right after saying it. Maybe he liked you too, but was refusing to admit it. How hypocritical. If not, then he probably didn’t want you making friends when you were the only friend he had. Whatever it was, he wasn’t about to back down so easily. Camden may be the last destination for the night, and perhaps, the last time he’d see you again for God knows how long, but it was his trump card.

If this didn’t sweep you off your feet enough to get you to pull away from Ivan, nothing would. 

As a town famous for its thriving nightlife and punk culture, it encompassed everything he was passionate about, and he’d give anything to show it to you. So he included a visit to the bar here on the agenda today, one that hosted live music. While you and Ivan got comfortable in your seats, Arthur never made a move to sit down. 

It was already dim inside, so you never noticed him leave. The next time you saw him, it was a few minutes later when he was on stage with a few other musicians. Leaning forward with surprise, you watched him strap on a bright red electric guitar. Walking up to the microphone, he adjusted that. No way. 

You were still trying to process him being a professional performer, but a lead singer as well? 

The second he strummed the strings to start a guitar riff, he opened his mouth to start singing.

Play this while you read

Show me how to lie, you're getting better all the time

And turning all against the one is an art that's hard to teach

His fingers never stopped moving as he belted out note after note. His voice was so different to how he talked, you had to do a double take. He sounded a little more rasp, a little more punk. To say you were impressed was an understatement. 

Now dance, fucker, dance, man, he never had a chance

And no one even knew it was really only you

While he jammed out on stage, he was electric. The energy in the bar exploded, and he had everyone singing along. You could almost see the confidence in him shoot up from the excitable crowd, because he was smirking. 

Nice work, you did. 

You’re gonna go far, kid! 

Turning his head to you as he sung that line, you raised a hand to your mouth. Whether he did that on purpose or not was a mystery. But no words could describe how attractive it was. Hell, it even made you mind blank for a few moments. This was Arthur? He was like an entirely different person! Needless to say, you were completely star struck. 

You couldn’t even make out what Ivan was telling you when the music was blaring in your ears. But you didn’t care. Arthur had you caught in a trance with his voice and guitar all until the end. When the song finally ended, the band bowed graciously and threw up hand signs as the audience erupted in applause and cheers. 

When he stepped off the stage, you didn’t hesitate to run up to him. There, you practically pounced on him for a tight embrace. “Oh my god, you were amazing! I didn’t know you could play so well! And sing, too! Why didn’t you tell me!?” You exasperated, pulling away to be met with his dazzling smile. It was the first time you’ve seen him so energetic, as if performing sparked a fire inside him that burned with youthful intensity. 

“I was dying to show you all day. I wanted it to be a surprise, and I had to save the best til’ last, didn’t I?” He grinned, feeling his heart swell up with warmth as he watched you light up. 

“Well, good on you! I loved it!” Squeezing him again, you felt his chest shake under his laughs. When you pulled away, you reached up to cup his face. But it felt so natural in the spur of the moment, even he didn’t seem to care. 

“Thanks again for today, Arthur. I really appreciate you taking us out today. You completely blew me away.”

The way how you phrased it reminded him of why he was here in the first place. That was right. He still had to ask you out. And with Ivan watching on from afar, this was his chance. The thought reddened his cheeks, but while you had his face in your hands, he couldn’t feel more comfortable. “Is that so? If that’s the case, how about I take you out again?” His expression grew serious. “A proper date, I mean.” 

It was your turn to blush, but you managed a quick answer. 

“No need to look so serious, love. Of course I’ll go on a date with you.” 

He chuckled and leaned in to peck your lips. “Stealing my vocabulary now, are we?” 

“Stealing kisses now, are we?” 

“Touché.” 

Now a third wheel of the group, he breathed out a soft sigh and rested his cheek on his hand. “I guess my job here is done.” It didn’t really look like it, but he had been trying to play the wingman all along. Arthur was always one to go a little crazy when he wanted something, and only more so when he was desperate. So all he gave him was a little push in the right direction. 

Maybe he would thank him later, but for now, he’d leave you two be. 

This is a request. Thank you for requesting.

[snapefiction]

#21. Christmas Present - Snapemas Challenge

A/N: Day 21 of Snapemas! I hope you like it! This one is a little bit longer. I hate proof reading so much it stops me from uploading  Christmas is so close now! I can't wait! ahhhhhhhh I will upload more - I promise (I just dunno when)

Idea from @deepperplexity ´s Writing Challenge ! Check her Writings and the other Snapemas posts out! :)

❤️ Please remember that English isn’t my native language and that my Writings will include Mistakes and maybe weird formed sentences. ❤️

Pairing: Severus Snape x Professor!Teacher

Warnings: Mention Cursings, Slight NSFW mention of cookies - might make you hungry - atleast I got hungry - I love cookies

Word count: 5941

Y/N - Your Name, Y/L/N - Your last Name, Y/H/C - Your Hair Colour

#21.Christmas Present

,,O-Oh Professor Snape, before you leave I uh wanted to ask you something." In response he just rose his eyebrow and stared down on you. You laid down the Silverware on your Plate as the other Professors continued to eat their lunch.

,,I saw that you have quiet a big collection of books and I wondered if you're in possession of one I have been looking for to read for very long." Sighing he wetted his lips. He wasn’t even hiding his boredom. What a great Start, you thought to yourself.

,,Which one are you looking for?" Smiling you set your drink aside. ,,It's a rare one from Scotland. ,The correct way of Potion brewing and wild Herbology'." Now his face looked like your answer might actually have impressed him. ,,I am able to call one of these copies mine."

,,Oh really?" Your excitement seemed to confuse him slightly so you fixed your posture, flattened down your dress and collected your words together. ,,Would you mind if i would borrow it?" You followed him like a lost Puppy as he kept walking down the great hall.

,,You can pick it up tomorrow after lunch at my chambers."

,,Thank you, Professor!“ Smiling you first thought about hugging him but as your arms almost flew around him you backed up and held out your hand. ,,Sorry." Thinking about wether he should take my hand or not he finally decided to get up only to turn around on his heels. As always he vanished within seconds into the dark corridors. The Butterflies in your stomach went crazy now so you just tried to hide your smile as got up yourself to walk the other way leading towards your classroom.

In the next Morning you hurried your whole way up to the mountain where you just recently found a dead Acromantula. It has been two days ago when you have had spotted her. Actually you intended to let her rest in peace but you really wished you could give Severus something in return of his grace. So you quickly pulled out something out of your bag to catch the rare venom dripping from it's teeth. Actually it could become quiet dangerous up in here but since you went there almost everyday you felt more than just safe.

After the jar was full you went on your way back to the castle. It wasn't a too long way. It only took an hour and a half and you also got to take some ingredients you needed for your classes with you too. After you got everything secured in your class stocks  and changed your dress you went to lunch. Severus already sat at the unpredictability long table. Smiling you sat down next to him trying to hide your excitement. A good Book was always making you nervous. Not to mention a Book you have been looking for since so long and loaning it from a person you truly kind of liked?

,,Hello Professor Snape, I hope you're doing alright?" You chattered but got interrupted as the food appeared on the table. He wouldn’t have continued the Conversation anyways. After something that felt like an eternity but turned out to just have been 20 minutes you walked next to Severus towards his chambers. You told him about the new Paper you got from the Ministry about magic beasts - even if he didn't asked for it. But you knew if you didn't want to walk in silence you would have to talk yourself.

,,Theres even an article about Muggle Medicine in it. They test it on animals. Did you knew that? That’s so cruel.“ You noticed how he rolled his eyes on your words but you just simply knew he didn't dislike you as much as he disliked Gilderoy Lockhart. As you reached his door he quickly opened it with his wand. ,,Enter." Allowing you to step into his chambers. Nervously you closed the door after you. As he went to his shelf to look for the book you quickly opened your bag. He was quicker than you were so he just stood in front of you and held out the book.

,,One second - I almost got it!" And just by that you were able to grab the small jar. After you held it into the light and put it in his hand you took the book in return. Already admiring the Front Cover.

,,I know it's not much, but I just wanted to give you something as appreciation for the loaning." You Mumbled while scanning the little details stencilled in the edges.

Curious he inspected the label. ,,Where did you get it? So freshly?" Professor Snape quickly asked now, surely interested.

,,I uh - from the left Mountains. I found a dead Acromantula two days ago. I thought the Venom might come in handy for potions." You now looked back up at him. Your smile was wider than usual, you were just so happy about the possibility to finally read this book.

,,It - uh - yeah. Do you know the value of it?" His eyebrows arched.

,,Of course I do. But there's nothing as value as finding something you've been looking for since a long time." You smiled mumbling as you now opened the first pages of the book. Small golden details shined into your eyes. ,,Wow." You mumbled. He didn't even try to hide his stares at you as you looked through the pages and you could feel how he tried to be nice for once.

,,Would you like to sit down and have some tea? You can read it here while I'm brewing and prepare my-“

,,I'd love to." You admitted. Your eyes connected instantly as you closed the book to press it on your chest while sitting down on his couch. The first few moments as you sipped your teas remained silent until you just couldn't take it anymore.

,,Where did you get it? The book I mean." His beautiful dark eyes finally dared to look back at mine and he explained.

,,Hagrid is friends with someone who knew the Author. So as I once helped him out in his garden he just gave it to me." You felt like his voice was more quiet than usual and you had to listen even more carefully. His voice made something blossom inside of you. Butterflies flying, Flowers blooming, Sunshine finally hitting my skin? It felt all the same- incredible sweet and addictive.

,,That's very Kind." The Afternoon continued. Your Conversations were really short but you enjoyed every word. He chooses his words wisely which was the total opposite to you. You spoke as soon as a small thought came to your mind trying to fill the silence. It was like you balanced the Smalltalk out. Spending time with him meant learning to worship his words and worship a peaceful silence. As the Clock strikes 7pm he looked up to you. You grabbed your Coat. ,,Are you going to eat Dinner tonight?“

Shaking his head he pointed to a tower of Notebooks, meaning he was still to intertwined in his Job Tasks.

,,I See.“ Chuckling you pushed a strain of your Hair behind your ear. ,,Thank you for letting me read the Book and the Tea. I really enjoy it.“ For a second he just looked at you before his lips parted.

,,You can stop by and read anything you want, whenever you want.“ Listening close to his voice you noticed how his Perplexity from earlier hasn’t faded yet. But before he’d cancel his Offer you accepted.

,,I’d love to. I´ll see you tomorrow then, Professor.“ Waving over to him you turned around to walk to the great hall. Your Cheeks still beheld the pink touch you got from when you were around him. It was calming you to spent Time with him. You felt more relaxed than sleeping out, hearing rain or hearing your favourite song. He made it all better, he made you feel more safe than anyone else by just offering you tea. Dear Merlin, do you even listen to yourself? How can you be so in love with him after just 5 Months working at Hogwarts?

As your seventh Month at Hogwarts began so did the Winter Time. Christmas was only three weeks ago by now. It was till too long for you liking. Yesterday, a rainy Sunday you started to bake cookies and slightly decorate your room more festive. The Holiday Spirit already took you over in July and now it was finally your favourite time of the year. Smiling you walked over to Severus Classroom to meet him for your daily Meetings. You came here daily to read, grade Papers from your students or just drink some tea with him. It became a loved habitat of yours and he seemed to enjoy it himself as he grew to become a friend of yours. Knocking he almost instantly let you in.

,,I´m already making Tea. I´ll be right there.“ You heard him shout from the Kitchen.

,,Okay.“ You responded as you quickly laid down all your Notebooks you still had to grade and placed the box filled with cookies on his Table. You made some just for him knowing he has a sweet Tooth. Who else would drink their Tea with at least two or three tablespoons of sugar if it wasn’t their sweet tooth speaking out of themselves. Slightly chuckling you sat down on one of the Students Desks to start grading. You could simply work better on one of these as on one of the Teachers Desks. They just seemed too tall and too uncomfortable for your liking.

,,What is that?" Curious you turned around. ,,What's what, Professor?" He rolled his eyes as he heard the name you used. ,,On my desk."

,,I made cookies for you." As he continued to stare at you, you began to explain it to him. ,,I made some chocolate chip cookies, cinnamon ones and some plain ones. I know you like pumpkin so I bought some special cookie cutters at Hogsmead last week." Smiling you went up to the box, opened it up for him and showed him the small pumpkin shaped cookies.

,,See? Do you want to try some?" With caution he carefully took one and bit the half of it off. Waiting for his reaction as he chewed then putting the box aside and going back to your seat. ,,Do you like them?" He still kept chewing.

,,Actually- yes." A small smile made it's way across his lips and he ate the other half too.

,,I really hoped so." Sitting back down you waited until your Cup of Tea which now flew towards you sat in front of you. Severus always made the best tea.

Grading the last Homework you walked over to Severus huge Library Wall only to take the Book you used to read in the Daily. With butterflies in your chest you continued to read the few last pages of the book. You only had one third of the book left and by all means you wouldn't want to lose your tradition. So it happened that you started to reread the pages twice so you would have to spend more time with him or just in his chambers. Actually it’d only take you around 3 days to finish this big book but you didn’t wanted your shared time to end. The time has passed so quickly that you could feel how your body resisted to leave as it was time for dinner.

,,Are you coming with me for Dinner today?“ Severus just smiled. He was already done with his Papers and laid aside the Newspaper he just began to read.

,,Sure.“ He said only to follow you. He told you about something that had happened in his class today and about what he just read in the Newspaper.

,,No way!“ You Laughed grabbing his Arm in disbelief. ,,Imagine this happening to you- Merlin!“ Now he had to chuckle as well. He could make you laugh louder than anyone else. His dry Humor was just the best. After Dinner he walked you to your Chambers and you thanked him as always.

,,Good night, Severus. I see you at Breakfast.“ He put on a slight smile.

,,I´ll see you at Breakfast.“ His dark silhouette faded in the corridors and so did you in your chambers.

The weeks until Christmas was just a few days ago were just stressful. You and Severus almost never talked and just worked which was kind of tiring  you but you knew as closer as Christmas was around as closer was the Relief of all this Stress. After Lunch you planned to head straightly back to Hagrid helping him taking care of new magical Creatures he cared for. The small Bowtruckles were new here in this Region and you were too eagerly happy to get a chance to study them and present them in your classes next year. After downing your Tea you wanted to say goodbye to Severus before leaving but he stopped you at the end of the great hall.

,,Um err- would you mind meeting me later in my chambers? I've got something for you and - err- maybe I can cook dinner for us.“ Severus nervously stuttered while hiding his face with parts of his hair. He always made pauses while talking but you could tell he was acting a little bit shy and nervous. Smiling you nodded in agreement. That’s be a great opportunity to give him his Christmas Present you just finished.

,,I'll be there by 8." He quickly left your side in his well known manner. With his flying cape, showing off his presence. As he was gone and you couldn't hear his footsteps anymore you began to notice how red you turned. Your whole face was warm and your heart flattered. That always happened when Severus is near you. You had to admit, you like him. More than just a regular coworker. More than a friend. Maybe that's why you hurried the whole day to be there perfectly on time in front of his Chambers. Your heartbeat crawled up into your head and your hand was slightly shaking. Nervously you fixed your hair one last time and knocked ever so slightly.

,,Come in.." Severus quickly opened the door. ,,Please, come in." He tried his best to smile warm-hearted but you could see him being nervous again.

,,Good evening." He kept his Head low. You'd love to see his face.

,,Good evening , how are you?“ The both of you talked about your day and silently took a seat on the couch after finishing the smalltalk. The warmth of the Cabin reached you to the armchair. Severus sat across of you and began to rumble with his words.

,,I - Yesterday I went to Hogsmeade. I had to get some books and ingredients. And erm I - I came across the jewellery store and uh something catched my eye. I bought it for you." You felt your cheeks glow again. Severus stood up to grab a small package from above the cabin. For you?

,,But Severus- you didn't have to." Flustered you accepted the package as he handed it to you.

,,But it's almost Christmas and I really wanted to get you something." He almost whispered. With slightly shaking hands you opened it up. A small silver Hair needle fell into your hands. It was very pretty handcrafted and at the top was a green stone. It looked like it belong to a Slytherin and you couldn't help but smile. It was the prettiest thing you have gotten since a long time and it really made your heart flatter. The beautiful silver and the pretty green made it look like it belonged to someone royal.

,,It's so pretty." You looked up to his curious eyes. ,,Thank you so much , Sev. I don't know what to say." Small tears formed in the corner of your eyes and you couldn't help but cover your mouth while looking at the beautiful accessory. The Stone seemed to shine because of the dim light from the cabin. He really got something for you.

,,You like it?" Severus asked and his nervousness faded.

,,I love it." With a bright smile you stood up and fell into his arm. Crossing your arms around his neck and thanking him a million times. As you slightly let go of him you looked at him joking. ,,But you know those aren't my house colours right?" Again he smiled.

,,I know. I - I wanted to give you something that uh reminds you of me." Your smile faded and now the first tears started to roll down your face. It was such a thoughtful gift with a great meaning. You couldn't remember getting such a thoughtful and nice gift ever before.

,,Is everything okay,dear?" He hasty insured while checking your face.

,,Yes." You took a deep breath. ,,Yes. I will just dearly miss you over the holidays." He softly cupped the side of your arms and petted them before pulling you close again. This Time you could directly listen to his heartbeat. It was the first time he hugged you. You always hugged him but he never tried to hug or touch you.

,,I'll miss you too, I guess." He said almost cooing. ,,But maybe we can meet sometime? I mean only if your schedule allows and you're willing to-"

,,I'd love that, Sev." Now he pushed you away a few inches to look into your face. Your Tears already have stopped now by the feeling of being flustered taking over.

,,Sev?" He asked now.

You chuckled. ,,I think that's a cute nickname." You stated and he couldn't help himself but smile as well. He liked it too. ,,Are you ready for your Present?“ As you sat down again , took out the present of your small bag you began to nervously smooth out the edges of your wrapping paper. ,,I feel like I should have get you something else after receiving your gift." Embarrassed you turned red and handed it to him. But Severus didn’t mind, excited he opened it up. After holding it in his hands he began to smile widely. A black scarf which- for once- matched his height and wasn’t way too short like the regular ones.

,,Did you made it yourself?" He asked after noticing his small initials stitched into the fabric as he brushed over them with his fingertips.

You nodded. ,,Yes.“ Smiling he moved closer to you and pulled you into a hug. ,,That's the best thing I've ever gotten." He admitted and enjoyed being close to you in this intense Moment.

,,I'm glad you think so." Feeling relief you noticed how short your breath has gotten by now.  What’d you give to be even closer to him by now. Seconds passed and you didn’t let go of him, you simply didn’t dared to. The Moment he’d let go of you, you’d miss his touch instantly. But when his tall hands slowly stroked over your back you didn’t  felt like he’d want to let go as well.

A loud knock made you both tear apart. Scared you looked back to Severus. He looked as confused as you did.

,,Enter.“ Grabbing your Wand you got up, walking together with Severus to the door to see who interrupted you.

Hagrid almost tripped into the Chambers. ,,Ms. YLN, here you are. I need ya help! It’s about the Babies.“ He looked so panicked and your heart almost ripped apart but you just gave Severus a quick smile.

,,I´m sorry, I erm it’s urgent. .. I uh can be back in an hour. Is that alright?“ He quickly nodded and by that Hagrid grabbed your Hand to rush after him. Following this Giant Man you sighed. There was no worse timing right now. He pulled you right out of your Bubble of being close to Severus.

,,What happened to them?“ You asked him as he continued to hurry towards his hut.

,,Somethin´ in da forbidden Forrest bid them. Dunno know what to do!“ Pressing your Lips together you thought about Spells which could help you. If they were so small it could quickly be too late for any help if they didn’t got the right help. Quickly running to the small Baby Bowtruckle laying on Hagrids Table you inspected their wounds.

,,Shh, it’s okay. Let me have a look.“ The tiny leg was bent in weird directions and a small bite was visible. Taking out your wand you quickly healed the wound and took care of the small lad.

,,Do you have an idea what could’ve bitten them?“ Hagrid just shook his head. Sighing you let the Bowtruckles walk over your hand.

,,I can take them with me. It’s not the same like the forrest but they could grow up being safe.“ Hagrid helped you bringing them to your classroom before you quickly hurried back to Severus. Hopefully he wouldn’t be too mad.

Knocking you flattened the wrinkles on your dress. Severus opened the Door rather slow. He nervously scratched his head. His black hair was now tucked behind one of his ears.

,,I wasn’t expecting you to be back so quickly. Or to return at all.“ He admitted and you could already smell the Dinner he was cooking.

,,It was about the Bowtruckles I told you about. I brought them to my Classroom. Now I’m all yours, I promise.“ He let you slide inside and as you watched his movements you noticed that he was as flustered as you were.

,,If you want to you can keep reading until I’m done cooking?“ His Insecurities were still visible but as you smiled at him his tension faded.

,,Sure.“ Approving his idea you made your way to his living room as he continued cooking. As you watched him buzzing around in his kitchen from afar you opened your hair to adjust the hair needle he gifted you earlier. It fitted perfectly. A lot of hair needles were to short for your long yhc Hair but this one could hold everything in place easily and made you feel like a princess. You walked over to the mirror on the wall to look at your hair. You really liked it more this way. He got you the perfect present. Happy about the present you sadly realised how you forgot to bring your present for him at your chamber. You knitted him a scarf because you noticed how he never had one besides him. The green and black matching the house he was the head of.

,,You truly are beautiful." You slightly got scared as you didn't noticed how he stepped behind you. Your cheeks directly became red again. ,,Thank you.“ He took the Book from the top of the shelf where he lastly placed it only to put it in your Hands.

,,I´ll try to hurry.“ He assured before heading back to the kitchen.

If your students would hear his voice right now they would highly doubt it was him. His usual demanding voice now was low and casual and by that he went into the kitchen. Sitting down on his Armchair you could sometimes hear him mutter some small words like ,Fucking garlic' or something else which made you smile even more.

Who would have thought that you would sit on his Armchair on a peaceful night , reading a book as he was cooking for the both of you? It was almost like a date. Well actually that wasn't true. It felt like the future you wished so deeply for as a kid. The only difference was that you imagined it to be your husband but you didn't mind it being Severus. You knew he would never feel the same as you do. It was okay. It truly was. Sometimes you wished you could show him some affection- but he wouldn't like it. Being friends - which was obviously a huge step to make - was totally enough. You could hide your feelings if you had to. Having a good friend was all you ever asked for so you shouldn't bother yourself or even him with feelings who could ruin it all in a minute.

,,In 10 Minutes Dinner will be ready." He loudly announced from the kitchen. Surprised you looked up. He still hurried around the kitchen. Slowly you turned back a few pages. As you were lost inside your thoughts you couldn't remember what you just have had read. Putting a small paper in the book between the pages and closing it you had to sigh. Soon it will be Christmas and it would be your third one in Hogwarts. Maybe Severus would be here? Lost in your thought you walked over the kitchen where you spotted Severus opening some Wine. His arms pulled the cork without any sign of effort.

He scanned my face with his eyes and then made his way over to the oven where he pulled out some casserole. It smelled like heaven and soon the whole kitchen had it in the air. His movements made your Thoughts wander. His Arms were so strong- you never seemed to notice before.

,,Whats on your mind?“ Carefully he added a few last ingredients to the food as he pulled you out of your thoughts.

,,I erm was wondering how you celebrate Christmas?“ You lied blushing as he caught you thinking about him.

,,Actually I don't celebrate it. I don't celebrate anything." Shocked you now looked at him.

,,Not even your Birthday?" He shook his head which made his hair whip.

,,Not even my Birthday."

,,Severus! Who hurt you?" He had to laugh about your unbelievable expression. While pulling out a chair for you.

,,There's no sense in celebrating alone." Severus simply stated, pushing your chair slightly towards the table.

,,Thanks.“ Mumbling you thought about this nonsense. ,,Of course it is! I do it too." You added.

,,Then how do you celebrate it?" He now asked curiously and looked at you sitting down across of you.

,,I always celebrated it with my Family but since I work at Hogwarts I just.. spend it alone. Anyways firstly I get all the presents for everyone and make sure they arrive at the right place. Then I get a Christmas tree and decorate it. Afterwards I bake some cookies and in the evening I sit down to read a book and eat all those cookies. As simple as that." As you finished you expected him to say something but he kept on listening to you. ,,It sounds a little bit sad but it isn't that bad. I uh I try to enjoy my own company." Severus felt a little bit of pity. He knew you are really attached to other people and knowing you spend days which are important to you alone made his heart sink. He simply knew too well how being alone feels like.

,,As I already said, I uh would love to see you.“ He tried to uplift the Mood and placed some Food on your Plates. Nodding you thanked him. ,,I can’t wait.“ You admitted again and held up your Glas of wine.

,,Thank you for cooking for us and thank you for your present.“ He copied your movements and you slightly pushed your Glasses together. After you both took small sips from your wine you began to dine. His eyes always made sure you weren't spitting it out or something but actually you haven't had any reason for it.

,,It's really delicious. I never knew you were such a great cook?“ He chewed up and answered chuckling.

„I haven’t cooked for you before. Or anyone in general, so how would you know?“ You joined his chuckles and took a sip of wine again. As you tried to stretch your legs a little bit you accidentally touched his leg. Instantly his glance got up to yours and you pulled back your legs. It was like a small electric shock. A good one indeed.

,,S-Sorry." Blushing you locked my eyes with your plate. Your heart was pumping so fast you couldn't taste anything  of the food in your mouth anymore. Your nerves got foggy and your hands numb. Carefully you pushed around some broccoli on your plate. You liked touching his leg but he did he too? Did you reveal yourself? Carefully looking up he did the same thing you did a few seconds ago. Moving around some veggies on his plate. Was he bored of you? You didn’t knew. The air filled with so much tense it got harder to breathe. Biting on your lip you got an idea. It would cost some courage but it wasn't impossible to do. If it would fail you could simply excuse yourself by it being an accident but right now you had to know how he'd react. Laying down the silverware silently you carefully stretched out your leg towards his.

Now your legs were touching and you didn't dare to look up. The silence thickened and as it almost got too much he laid down the silverware himself and put one of his hands on your knee. Too excited your breaths got irregular and you could feel his heat storming through your body. With his thumb he started to draw small circles on your leg and as he continued for a while you looked up to him. Your face was probably fully blushed but he didn't seem to care. His dark eyes which have never looked this dark locked with yours. His expression didn't reveal anything. Was he enjoying it? Was he doing it because he thought it was what you wanted? Well, it was what you wanted but he just isn't the type of guy who'd do anything just because he think you’d expect it. Slowly his hand started to wander. A few millimetres upwards and you almost couldn't help yourself. Your thoughts wandered to things you could never say out loud. Imagining his fingers on places of your body you usually only touch myself.

As you realised how shaky your breath left my throat you grabbed your Glas of wine and flushed it all down. A small smirk appeared on his face.

,,Some more?" Quickly you nodded. You´d say yes to anything he would ask you to right now. He had the full control over you, you thought. How could a simple man make you so weak within seconds?

,,Want to continue this on the couch?“ Quick your legs pushed yourself up from the chair and you walked over to the living room. Not being able to answer him with your words. The whole Situation just became more interesting than you firstly anticipated beforehand. The mood has completely changed. There was something else in the air which you haven't felt before that intensive. Severus again opened another bottle of wine and now sat down directly next to you. He never did that. Usually there was atleast one pillow size distance between you or he sat in his Armchair. But now his legs touched yours and his arm touched yours as he leaned forward to the desk to reach for our glasses.

,,Thanks." You whispered and you felt like as if this wasn't anything you could dream of. The smell of his Aftershave filled your nose and the fabric of his trousers against your bare knees got you shaking. Silently you drank the first glass in silence. But at our second Glas he laid his hand on your leg. Not on your knee. On your Leg. Right before the fabric of your skirt started to hide your skin. Did he knew what he did to you? Could he feel your heartbeat? Could he feel your butterflies?

Closing your eyes I felt the alcohol hitting your nerves. It wouldn't take much to make you drunk but right now you felt like you would need every drip of any type of alcohol you could possibly get. Carefully you moved your head to your side to look at his face. He softly swung his wine in his hand and drank it too. His pink small lips cupped the Glas corner  and his hair flew a few inches back as he put his head into his neck and drank up. As he stood his Glas back down you wanted to be more offensive. He seemed to be interested, you thought. Slowly and with my glance on the cabin you widened your neckline to reveal more of my chest. His eyes hushed over to see what you were doing. Slowly, torturing slowly you revealed a small part of your throat. Continuing you showed him more and more. His hand on your leg clutched his fingers a little bit stronger into your flesh. You continued until you almost revealed your bra. As you looked over to him now he smiled slightly.

,,You're beautiful." He whispered. ,,I can only repeat myself.“ Slowly you pushed your weight a little bit up to sit down on his lap. His Hands instantly guided you. Making sure you were comfortable. Now you could hear his irregular breath as well.

,,I really like you, Severus." You admitted as you hugged him closely again. His Hands again rubbed your back and as you felt him stiffen under you you almost inaudible moaned. Hoping instantly this wasn’t the day he’d break your heart by telling you to back off.

,,The last few months uh I felt like I was acting like a freak and it took me some time until I understood that I maybe just got confused by something. Or someone." You now stopped in your tracks to look at him again.

,,Someone?" You asked.

,,You." His cheeks were red. ,,I really like you." He didn't knew where his courage came from but he knew it was the right time to finally admit it.

,,Really?“ You couldn't move out of fear of scaring him and his feelings away. Your heart beat so hard you feared he could see it banging from your chest. Did he really just say that? Or did the wine you had at dinner fogged your senses. Did he really just admit that to you?

,,You Don't have to feel the same but I wanted to let you know that i like you more than just friends.“ As he intended to back up a little bit you quickly moved towards him and pressed your lips against his. In your chest was a firework exploding and butterflies from the night escaping to your stomach. Softly he kissed you back and put his hands on your hips where they used to rest until the kiss was paused so the both of you could catch some air.

,,I like you too. More than just friends“ You whispered smiling.

His lips brushed against your earlobe. The words he spoke made your emotions going even more crazy. You could scream out of tension, happiness and even more out of lust. Being this close to him made you go crazy. You wanted to have Sex with him all night and at the same time you felt like this was an even more intimate Moment than you ever had before.

,,Would you like to stay for the night?" His raspy dark voice sounded like it just got even darker than before.

,,I’d love to.“ And again his Lips touched yours. Slowly and more passionate this time. The Night continued in more and more Intimacy. The Both of you wouldn’t spent Christmas alone this year nor the following ones.

Taglist: @deepperplexity , @monstreviolet , @wow-life-love4 , @lizlil

Let me know if you want to be added in my Taglist. :)

[duuhrayliegh]

watch your six - part three

go check out watch your six on my profile! *in the process of making a m.list*

pairing: eventual bucky x reader (its a slow burn babes)

warnings: trigger warning of sedation? it’s not a there for long though, also language and some creepy activity by gomez, i think that’s it, lmk if i missed something :)

a/n: heeeyy babes… ik i promised this a way long time ago, but it’s here now! i got way behind with my classwork and the freaking texas freeze week didn’t help at allll, it’s fine, i’m fine, it’s on fire but it’s fine. 

p.s.: our darling buck makes come in next upload :) stick with me, i promise i’m getting there. 

series m.list

ray’s m.list

**************************

“Alright ladies, listen up.” A tall woman with a short brunette bob commanded. “Our target is one Louis Richardson.” A picture flashed on a screen behind the tall woman. “Richardson is a prominent leader in the Svengali. He’s one of the higher ups so we cannot mess this up, girls.” There was a click and then another picture floated onto the screen.

“He’s going to be attending a gala next week. Our intel leads us to believe that the Svengali is going to conduct a trade of information from Richardson to a carrier.” She moved from one side of the room to the other, catching all of our eyes. I glanced around the room, searching for something familiar.

“Hey, you alright?” The girl to my left whispered to me. “Libra, stop drifting.” My head snapped to the girl. Gemini? Isn’t she dead? Wait, where am I?

“Gemini! Libra! Have something you would like to share with the group?” The tall women challenged, we looked at each other and shook our heads, remaining quiet. “Alright, so we’re going to be sending quite a few of you in on this one. Leo, Virgo, and Scorpio you’re going to be on the gala floor. Mingling with guests and keeping the public under control. We don’t want this breaking out into a whole scandal, do we?” The heads of the women in front of me bobbed back and forth as a response of no. The tall woman proceeded to give out tasks.

“Libra, Gemini, Cancer, Taurus and Aries. You are Plan B. If this should go south, we have intelligence that gives us an idea on where one of the Svengali safe houses is located. The five of you will be laying in wait. Your mission, should it be needed, is strictly reconnaissance. You are under no circumstances to engage the target in anyway, do you understand?” We nodded and then the room was silent. The tall woman took a deep breath, leaned forward against one of the desks at the front.

“This is a very sensitive mission that they are trusting us to handle. We will do so much better than anyone else could.” She stood to her full height, “You all have your assignments, this is all going down next week. Be ready, ladies.” She bobbed her head and sent us on our way. Picking up the folder in front of me, I turned to Gemini.

“Can you believe that they gave us this assignment, Gem?” My mouth moved, but I had no control over it. What the hell is happening? Gemini laughed at me and clutched her own folder to her chest.

“Will you chill out, Libra? It’s just recon. It’s really not that big of a deal.” I stopped and gawked at her then heaved out a cackle. She walked ahead of me, shaking her head at my reaction.

“Not that big of a deal for you maybe.” I puffed out my chest, “It’s my first mission, remember?” My chest deflated and anxiety began to set in. “Oh my god, it’s my first mission.” Gemini turned to look at me with raised brows.

“Yeah, so?” She breathed a laugh, “You’re making a big deal out of nothing, Libby.” She grabbed my shoulders and pulled me along to our shared quarters. “Just remember to stay out of your head and get it done. You’ll be fine.” She giggled as she released her hold on me and plopped onto her bed. “Everything’s going to be a-okay, Libby.” I smiled at the nickname.

“You’re right, Gem. Let’s crush this mission.” I walked over to her bed and swatted her side, “Scoot over, you cow!” I grunted as I shoved her. She gasped, then after relenting she laughed as I landed face first into the mattress. We both melted into puddles of laughter and I felt a slow smile spread across my face.

“She’s smiling. Why is she doing that?” A rougher voice left Gemini’s mouth. I giggled and looked over at her.

“What did you say?”

“Gomez, if she’s smiling that means she’s happy.” Gemini’s mouth moved, but yet again it wasn’t her voice. I know that voice, where do I know that voice from? I lurched from my spot on the bed and glared at Gemini.

“What did you shove me off the bed for?” I questioned Gemini incredulously. Another jolt of energy bounced me on the ground. What is happening? My head hit the side of something hard, something that allowed enough spring that my head rebounded back into it again. I released a groan of pain and went to clutch the area. When I tried to raise one arm, but they were clasped together behind my back. Opening my eyes, blurry images roamed in front of me.

“Oh, she’s waking up.”

“Yes, that is right on time.”

“Waking up? We haven’t gotten to the rendezvous point yet.”

“Well with the dosage I administered, she should be coming out of it right about now.”

“Then up the dosage, Doc. I’m not about to deal with another whiner for the rest of this trip.”

“I can’t do that.”

“You what?” There was a run of indistinct murmurs exchanged between the two voices. My vision began to clear up. I cleared my throat, wincing at the pain when I coughed. Blinking rapidly, I tried to get my bearings. I was sat in the middle of the Doctor and Gomez, shoulders making contact with the both of them. My eyes roaming still, I landed on Gomez’s now bandaged cheek. I smirked and then huffed a laugh.

He glared at me, “You laughing at something, little girl?” I leaned away from him.

“Honestly, laughing at the fact that I was able to hurt you.” Speaking through the gag in my mouth. The speech was so muffled but the effect was there. Gomez didn’t break eye contact with me as he leaned in.

“Better watch what you say around me.” He threatened, “Someone might think you aren’t just a scared puppy.” I glared at the man, nostrils flaring in anger. I should head-butt him. Contemplating my next move, my eyes flicked across his face. He intimidated me, but I couldn’t let him know that.

“Gomez, what the hell are you doing?” Suits asked from the front passenger seat. Gomez’s eyeline never left mine as he answered.

“Just letting the little girl know her place.” Mass scoffed from the driver’s seat and my gaze darted to the rearview mirror. Waiting with bated breath as to what he was going to say. Nothing, he said nothing. Although Mass didn’t really need to say anything. He looked at Gomez with disgust and then rolled his eyes.

“You got a problem, big guy?” Gomez pushed. Suits grumbled, turning to look at Gomez.

“Just shut up, Gomez. You can use your immature intimidation tactics there. Just not in the car. You’re annoying the rest of us.” I had to stifle a laugh, which isn’t hard when you’re gagged. “Give the girl another dose, Doc.”

“Already on it.” Not having been paying attention to the doctor was a mistake. In the time that I was dealing with Gomez, the Doc began assembling and filling another syringe. The prick in my neck alerted me that it was too late. I slumped in my seat, lids drooping again. “It’ll be quicker this time, but the effect will last for a longer time.” I wasn’t sure if he was talking to me or to Suits. It didn’t matter at that point, I was gone.

Cold, brisk air glazed over my skin, snapping me to attention. The quick jerking motion caused an ache in my stiff, restrained muscles. I groaned which slowly morphed into a scream. “Help! Someone help me!” I screamed until my throat sore again. Raspy shouts left my vocal chords, but that didn’t stop me. Wobbling around in the chair in an attempt to loosen the binds around my body. “Let me out of here! You have no right to shut me in here!” I didn't sound like myself, my voice was so gravelly. I jumped away from the right side of the room when a rush of air burst into the room.

Suits walked in and tossed a manila folder onto the stainless countertop. He pulled the chair out from the other side of the table and sat with a sigh. As he relaxed back into the chair, he stared at my face before flipping open the folder. Thumbing through the pages, he glanced up at me every now and again. What the hell is he doing? What’s in that folder?

“Did you bring me here to kill me?” I inquired cautiously. There was a pause as my question hung in the air and then a short snort of a laugh.

“Now, why would I want that?” My nostrils flared and my pulse quickened. Suits smirked at me and leaned forward, resting his forearms on the table in front of him. He glanced back down to the open folder before him. “How many missions did you participate in?” My heart stopped, what the hell is he talking about? Does he know about my dreams?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” My voice wavered, it wasn’t a lie necessarily.

“I think you do and I don’t take too kindly to people who lie to me.”

“Well then we don’t have a problem because I’m not lying.” I wasn’t really, at least I don’t think it was. Suits chuckled, it was humorless, almost sarcastic.

“I’ll ask you one more time. How many missions did they send you on?” There was anger layering his words.

“I already told you,” I said exasperated. “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. Now let me go.” Suits snickered.

“Alright, fine then.” Suits left the room. The LED lights illuminating the room cut out as soon as the door closed. I shivered in anticipation, trying to figure out what was happening. The temperature seemed to drop as my anxiety increased. My head fell forwards to rest my chin against my chest, deep breaths causing my whole body to rise and fall in time. I don’t know how long they left me there. Time seemed to crawl, mocking me as it slunked by on its wheel. I desperately wanted to rack my fingers through my hair and pull until this whole situation made sense. My brain felt fried and I couldn’t make heads or tails of it. Lifting my head I became aware of the sore crick at the base of it. I sighed heavily, how am I  going to get out of this one? As far back as I can remember, I haven’t done anything to anyone. No instances came to mind that would give someone, much less the government, to come kidnap me and chain me to a chair.

The door swung open and banged against the white wall. A surly, imposing man stared at me with an intimidating expression on his face. The lower half of his face was covered in a layer of stubble, thick, sculpted eyebrows gave way to deep honey eyes. Who the hell is this guy? He stalked around the table and the chair that I was confined to. My head jerked to follow his movements, I didn’t catch a good vibe from this one. Have I gotten a good vibe from anyone recently, though? I mean Suits wasn’t terrible, but he did kidnap me. I was rushed back to reality by the brush of the man’s hand through my hair, sweeping it off my shoulder. Without moving, I glared at the man through my lashes.

“What the hell do you think that you’re doing?”

“I’m here to ask you a couple questions.” He announced, his voice filling the room. My shoulders drooped, this is going to be a long day.

*********************

[newcaptainofsquad9]

I Can’t Handle You Being Back~Chou Tzuyu x black! fem! reader {4}

Parts: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Pairing: Tzuyu x reader

Summary: You’re still acting careful around Tzuyu as the both of you start to practice more and grow closer as you both had did five years ago. Your rekindling friendship starts to bloom to something more as you guy's duo performance at JYPEs showcase crawled closer, your feelings start to grow into something more until someone gets in the way.

Word Count: 2, 917

Writer's Note: Chapter 4!  I hope yall enjoy and keep the comments coming, I'm glad you're loving the fic. If you have any requests send them my way and if you sent some in I'll get to them soon.

Another music show performance of I Can’t Stop Me drained me for the entire day. We arrived back to the dorms and I collapsed in my bed immediately and groaned while Jeongyeon flopped on right beside me. 

“So, how’d I do this time?” I asked with a muffle caused by the pillow. 

Jeongyeon nudged her shoulder against me. 

“You did amazing as always,” she said. “Now are you really going to stay in bed? It’s not even eight yet.” 

“No, no! Y/N the day has just begun!” Sana shouted, jumping onto the other side of the bed, squishing me in between her and Jeongyeon. “We’ve got so much planned!”

I’m able to turn onto my back to meet Sana’s face clouded in over excitement. 

“Like what?” I said. 

The moment the words leave my mouth, Dahyun and Nayeon strolled into the room with huge grins on their faces. 

“We’re all playing games!” Nayeon announced. “Mina’s getting her switch step up now!”

“You got to join us Y/N!” Sana said as she wrapped me in her arms. 

“Fine!” I said as I struggled a bit in her grip. “Just let me get up already.” 

Jeongyeon’s already on her feet, pushing a giggly Sana playfully while she helps me to my feet. 

“So,” I said as the five of us trek down stairs. “What are we playing?”

“Well, I kind of stalked your Instagram again and found your Twitch account,” Sana said, rather innocently with her hands behind her back. “I found that you love Dragon ball fighterZ so I begged Mina to buy it!”

“We both found it Sana,” Nayeon groaned.

They both bicker a bit; Jeongyeon and I met eyes with faces matching in confusion. 

“You could have just asked instead of stalked,” I said. 

“I know,” Sana said. “I just didn’t know how to ask. I know you’ve been with us for almost a month now, but it’s pretty crazy to have you here after five years.” 

Sana’s eyes cut to the floor. Her excited demeanor now replaced with something more reserved and sheepish. I take her hand with a grin before shaking her gently. 

“And I’m not going anywhere anytime soon OK?” I declared. 

Sana nodded and pulled me into a bear hug before she skipped over to the carpet of the living room where Chaeyoung and Mina sat putting the Switch together. 

Tzuyu, Jihyo and Momo sat on the couch facing Mina, Chaeyoung and the television. My eyes landed on Tzuyu, nothing but a smile spreads across her face. It’s not huge or anything, yet I still don’t know how to act around her. She defended me a few nights ago, not only in front of Onces but the entire world: it set the entire internet a blaze. Of course the loyal Onces stayed true and cheered Tzuyu and I on in helpful ways. (There are some that are already shipping us and dubbing us “Rush Hour line” due to whatever reasons, even though Tzuyu’s not from China and---they got the spirit but it’s still tone deaf and a bit racist on both of our parts.) 

Then of course the netizens had their take on it, but I don’t pay attention to them that much anymore. 

“You could sit here if you want, Y/N,” Jihyo said as she gestured to the spot between her and Tzuyu. 

Tzuyu nodded, solidifying my decision as I take the seat. 

Nayeon sat beside Momo and purposely covered the gap of space between her and Jihyo while eyeing Jeongyeon. 

“Oh, Jeongyeon no more room,” Nayeon said. “Guess you’ll have to sit in my lap.”

Jeongyeon shook her head, yet the redness of her cheeks remained. She slapped Nayeon’s arm. 

“Quit playing,” she whined, then whispered something to Nayeon, who moved her arms immediately and smirked. 

I look between Jihyo and Tzuyu, trying to ask what’s the deal between those two. Jihyo caught on as she leaned in towards me with a giggle. 

“They’ve somewhat had a thing since pre debut,” she explained. “They love each other to death, but it’s really complicated at times.” 

“Oh, makes a lot of sense,” I whispered. 

The living room filled with the opening music to Dragon Ball FighterZ blasting around us. 

“All right!” Chaeyoung announced as she hopped up. “Who’s ready for the greatest tournament the world will never witness?”

“Why would it be never Chae?” Tzuyu asked with a snicker. 

“Because we aren’t playing it for Time to Twice or V live or anything,” Chaeyoung said. “Unless you guys want to.”

A collective unit of no’s came from everyone. 

“Week got a week off before that stupid KBS JYP special we have to rehearse for,” Nayeon groaned. “I need time off from the cameras and time to get drunk.” 

She rose to her feet, and disappeared in the kitchen.

“Grab me and beer too!” Jeongyeon called. 

“Are you guys even playing?” I asked. 

“Nope,” Nayeon and Jeongyeon said in unison as they each cracked open their beers respectfully.

“What about the rest of you?” I said. “I know Sana happened to spur this on during the last minute.”

“Oh I’m defiantly playing,” Chaeyoung said as she wrapped her arms around Mina. “Mina is too, right babe?”

Mina giggled and nodded.

“I’ve been playing since the game dropped, but I only played it with my brother back in Japan so I haven’t tried it out on Switch yet,” Mina explained. “Playing on camera won’t be a bad idea for future uploads for Once.” 

“I’m playing too!” Sana said with a grin. “What about you Dubu?”

Dahyun shook her head. 

“Nope, I think I’ll kick back, and cheer you on as much as I can,” Dahyun said as Sana wrapped her arms around her. 

“I’ll sit this out too,” Jihyo said. “It’ll be interesting to see how long Nayeon and Jeongyeon stay sober this time.”

Nayeon gives Jihyo the finger; Jihyo  pushed her playfully and I turn to Tzuyu, who’s eyes were on me then averted to the TV. 

“You playing too?” I asked, while trying not to seem like I caught her wondering eyes. 

Tzuyu shrugged. 

“Why not?” she said. “As long as I can play against Chae first.”

Chaeyoung let out a roar. 

“You’re on Tzu!”

***

A few hours crawled past: Dragon Ball FighterZ night escalated with Mina and I going up against each other with a tied set. It’s 3 to 3, this game would settle. Sana, Jihyo and Tzuyu huddled up behind me while Dahyun, Chaeyoung and Momo rallied behind Mina; Jeongyeon and Nayeon were slumped on the couch, cheering us both on when they could. 

“C’mon babe, you got this!” Chaeyoung shouted. 

I bit down on my lip as Mina zoned out my final character, Goku with her own, Vegeta. This was not only a stressful, but the final fight was reflective of Goku and Vegeta’s rivalry that ran deep in the anime. My heart pounded in my ears as the time of the round continued to slip by as I waited for any mistake. Mina didn’t yield as she fired the energy blasts my way. I blocked every one, even through Chaeyoung’s insistent cheering. My hands started to twitch and I took a deep breath. 

“You got it Y/N! Just focus!” 

My body jolted at who shouted just as loud as Chaeyoung: Tzuyu. 

I moved, jumped over Mina’s blasts and then she vanished. Vegeta appeared behind Goku, aiming to make the finishing blow. My finger almost slipped from the analog stick, but I blocked and reflected the hits Mina tried. There’s the opening I needed! I struck. Getting Vegeta up in a simple combo and ending it with a level 1 special move to ensure victory. 

“Nooooooo!” Chaeyoung groaned.

“Damn,” Mina said. “Great stuff Y/N. Good games.”

We shook hands, then giggled it off with a tight hug. 

“Great job Y/N!” Jihyo cheered as both she and Sana took me a bear hug. 

I melted into them, even allowing Sana to kiss my cheek before she pulled back with a chuckle. Jihyo kept her arms around me however, and whispered a quick ‘I’m so proud of you’ before slinging off to deal with Jeongyeon and Nayeon. They’re already asleep: Jeongyeon’s head laid on Nayeon’s chest as they snored softly. 

“Can someone help me get these two to bed?” Jihyo asked. 

Mina, Sana and Chaeyoung helped upon request as a confused Nayeon grumbled over who won. 

“Congrats Y/N!” Nayeon shouted with a smile. 

I mumbled a thank you and watched everyone file out the living room. All except Tzuyu, who took my hand--and I froze. My heart pounded yet again, proof that I’m still alive and Tzuyu hasn’t crushed me. Dahyun caught my gaze, then threw a wink my way as she left the room arm in arm with Momo. I’m not even going to ask what they’ve got going on. It’s complicated and I’ll figure out with time. 

“I knew you could win,” Tzuyu said. “I doubted it a lot since Mina’s so good.” 

I shivered as she walked around to face me; she looked nervous too. 

“You sure you believed in me till the end?” I asked.

Tzuyu nodded sharply. 

“You have this face where your entire body goes still and you just become sharper,” she explained. “You look pretty--ah! Pretty lame when it happens.”

Tzuyu’s face grew red; I scratched my arm in embarrassment. Maybe this is real after all. Still same Tzuyu being sly when giving a compliment. 

“Yeah, and it was totally lame cheering me on right?” I countered. 

Tzuyu shrugged and turned away. 

“I-I should let you go rest,” I said. “Pretty long day, right?”

Her head whipped back to me, the red color in her face left.

“I-I wasn’t going to yet,” she said. “Um, is it OK if we talk? I-It’s about our KBS performances in a few weeks.” 

“Oh, yeah. Of course,” I said. 

Tzuyu let go of my hand and gestured to the couch. We sat, giving us enough space between but not as much as we gave a dew weeks prior. This is the first moment we’re alone, no other members or managers among us. Just Y/N and Tzuyu. I can’t help but think back to five years ago: how exhausted we were in the JYP dance rooms at 5 a.m. as sweat clung to us. We didn’t care though; the smiles continued even through the hardships until--

“Y/N,” Tzuyu said. “Are you all right?”

I met her confused gaze and I couldn’t help but think back to the days of Sixteen, my elimination and eventually her own elimination. The tears that she shed, begging me to stay on Korea and breaking her heart by saying no.

I shook my head at her question.

“What about you? Tzuyu?” I asked. “You were right about before, I have no idea how much I hurt you while leaving.”

“Y/N--”

“I’m so sorry Tzuyu,” I said cutting her off. 

Tzuyu destroyed the space between us and hugged me flush to her, shocking me in the process. 

“I’m sorry too,” she whispered. “I frightened you, didn’t I? You’re back now, that’s all I ever wanted was my best friend back.”

Her voice shook. A hint of tears threatened to spill but I pulled back to cup her face. Our eyes met again, even through the emotion that clouded and covered her face, she still looked beautiful. She leaned in, making my heart pump faster and faster. 

“Your heart is so loud,” Tzuyu said with a giggle.

I inhaled as she pressed a firm kiss to my forehead. 

“I-It’s just excited to know we’re on good terms, right?” I said. 

“Yes,” Tzuyu groaned. “What else do I have to do to prove it to you?”

Her question made me blush a bit at how close she once was. Tzuyu must have picked up on it as her face grew red. 

“You don’t have to do anything else,” I let out quickly as I grabbed her hand. “Well, you could help me brainstorm what we could do for our KBS performance.”

Tzuyu nodded, her face brightened up. 

“Yeah! Well, Momo unnie is doing a solo so that leaves the nine of us. I think Chaeyoung, Dahyun and Sana are doing a set. We could pair up together if that’s OK,” she suggested.

I nodded as Tzuyu rubbed her thumb over the back of my hand. 

“Yeah, we should pick a song. What about something from Rihanna,” I said. 

Tzuyu chuckled as a wistful look overtook her face. 

“Oh gosh, do you remember our performance on Sixteen? What song was it?” she asked. 

“Oh my God, I remember!” I said. “We were too young to be dancing to S&M anyway!”

Tzuyu fell into a fit of laughter that I thought I wouldn’t have been able to see ever again. It’s like she said, we’re best friends again and I can’t help but feel like I can’t function from all the excitement bubbling up inside. 

“Would you want to do that song again?” she asked. 

“Not really--”

I was cut off by a yawn that forced itself abruptly.   

“We’ve got plenty of time,” Tzuyu said as she stood. “You need to rest.”  

“So do you,” I said as she took my hand and led us up stairs. 

The door to Jeongyeon, Momo and I’s room was shut, so I had to be a bit careful of stepping in to not awaken them. 

“Well, thank you for believing in me,” I whispered. “And becoming my best friend again.” 

Tzuyu only nodded and brought me into her arms again. I hugged back, burying my head against her chest. She had hints of perfume from earlier, along with the warmth that she always carried whenever I needed her. Now she’s back and I didn’t need to worry anymore; I could breathe around her.  I relaxed in her arms so much so that I didn’t want to let go; Tzuyu didn’t either as she gently rubbed my back. 

“You sure you’re all right?” Tzuyu whispered, the sensation of her words warming my chest. 

She pulled back to examine me, her arms not yet leaving my back. 

“Y-Yeah, I just miss your hugs is all.”   

Tzuyu smiled, kissed my forehead and squeezed me tightly again before letting me go. 

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Goodnight,” I said, leaning the frame of the door until she disappeared in her own room. 

I did the same, albeit, carefully in case Jeongyeon and Momo were asleep. My hunch was right: Jeongyeon was snoring softly on her bed and Momo laying on her own while scrolling through her phone.

“So, did you kiss her goodnight?” Momo teased. 

My breath caught in my throat even at the mere thought. 

“N-No, “ I stammered. “We hugged. W-We’re friends.”

Momo shrugged. 

“So were Mina and Chae and now look at them.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I muttered as I got in my own bed. my mind still on how warm Tzuyu felt. 

We just got back to being friends again, but I couldn’t help but think about how it would be if I did kiss her. No, she’s my band-mate. I can’t think like that, not anymore. 

***

Morning arrived quickly, even through the nonexistent dreams I still thought of Tzuyu and Momo’s words. Maybe I should talk to Jihyo about how Mina and Chaeyoung happened, even with Nayeon and Jeongyeon’s situation there had to be some agreement between the other members.

I waited until one groggy and hungover Jeongyeon rolled out of bed to help with breakfast, and for Momo to slunk behind her groaning about food. I shot a text to Jihyo for her to meet me here to talk privately. A knock soon came, forcing me to sit up and take a deep breath. 

“You can come in!”

Jihyo entered with a toothy grin and a sigh. 

“Sorry, I had to make sure Momo didn’t take all the food again,” she said as she sat beside me on the bed. “What’s up? Are you holding up OK?”

I nodded sharply; Jihyo noticed the nervousness and slid close to put an arm around me. 

“Breathe Y/N,” Jihyo reassured. “We didn’t overwhelm you yesterday, did we?” 

“No, of course not. It was really fun!”

“Yeah?” Jihyo said as she squeezed me gently. “What about the other members?”

“Ah, about that!” I said. “It’s about a member uh, Tzuyu.”

Jihyo nodded. The smile dropping from her face. 

“She hasn’t been giving you hard time, has she?”

“N-No, actually the opposite,” I said. “She’s been really cool. So cool in fact that I-I- our friendship picked up right where it left off five years ago. Jihyo I think I might like Tzuyu. Like her in a romantic way.”

Jihyo nodded throughout every word, but stopped once I finished. 

“Yeah, I had a feeling,” Jihyo said. “She always had eyes for you only, you should have seen her whenever you sung or performed five years ago. Saying she was mesmerized would be too simple.”

My face grew hot. 

Really? I saw pieces of it last night, but to this level?

“Nothing’s simple with any of us, is there?” Jihyo asked. “That’s why I’m going to let you do what you think is right as long as it doesn’t hurt either of you emotional, physically or harm your public image. However, I do have to let you know one thing before you let Tzuyu know anything.”

“W-What’s that Jihyo?” I asked. 

“I like you too.”         

[thepriceofbeingaroseisloneliness]

THE FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION #39 15th NOVEMBER (TRANSLATION)

Appearance:

 Kaoru (DIR EN GREY direngrey.co.jp/)

Joe Yokomizo (Writer / DJ)

Tasai Reporter (Tokyo Sports)

God ?

Notes before reading: This is a translation/summary of The Freedom of Expression #39 about  Sanna Marin (Filand’s Prime Minister) receiving backlash for posing in a fashion magazine  in a low-cut blazer showing cleavage.

 Please don’t forget to subscribe to their channel and watch their actual video to support the program.

 Feel free to correct me if you spot any mistake or any confusing parts.

  ——– You can watch the program here Kaoru: Hello, this is Kaoru from Dir en grey…The Freedom of Expression is starting today too! Joe-san…. Tasai-san…. Thank you for being here today…. Joe: Thank you. Tasai: Thank you. Kaoru: Well……*points at  Joe’s Tokyo Sports hoodie*  It suits you well! Joe: Thank you! I’m already loving it…..*pointing at the sleeve’s wrist* it has Tokyo Sports logo here too….so when I’m wearing a jacket, I can put the logo out…. Tasai: Thank you… Joe: Well, let’s come back to the program, thank you for this! Tasai: Thank you for your words, let’s start… Joe: Let’s start (laughs) Kaoru: Well Joe….this week’s news…. Joe: Yes, I’m going to read the news…  “Female Prime Minister’s suit that shows bare skin, Vulgar or discrimination?” ”“The appearance in the magazine of  the Finnish Prime Minister Sanna Marin (34) in a jacket with a faintly chest cleavage in the is spreading unexpected criticism. While criticized by some social media as “vulgar” and “inappropriate” Some politicians have pointed out that it is “discrimination against women” because the same criticism does not happen even if male politicians were half naked. Ms Marin, who took office at the end of last year, was referred as the youngest prime minister in the country’s history. She was featured in an interview this month as “a role model” in a fashion magazine released in the country and appeared in a black suit. It seems that she wore a jacket that showed bare skin, and under the elaborately designed necklace, the cleavage of the chest can be seen faintly. On social media, some people referred to her as “cheap,” “distrustful, “and "attention-seeking”.Those who opposed to this criticism, posted a photo of themselves dressed like Mr. Marin on Instagram with the hashtag “#Sanna”.” Joe: That was the news. I think it was a picture in a magazine. Personally, when I took a quick look of the picture, I didn’t see any of that “vulgarity” that some people are saying…. Kaoru and Tasai nods. Joe: What do you think, Kaoru? Kaoru: Well…. I felt that there will be people who say that and there will be people who don’t…. Joe: I see. That women…..something that that can be said in her defence is….for example…the president of Russia, Putin, he has pictures of himself half naked….and people took it as something light or even in a joking way when those pictures were uploaded….Why is it ok that a men take pics like that but when a women takes a pic where you can see a bit of bare skin, things like that are said?  Regarding that, it seems it’s about what women are allowed or not… “Is the exposure of men’s bare skin OK but women’s is considered NG?” * (on screen) *NG: Abbreviation of No Good. It’s a Japanese term used for the censorship of contents. Joe: It’s a difficult issue….A cleavage with that  V shape is a possibility or not, what do you think,Tasai? Kaoru laughs. Tasai: Well, I think…. Kaoru: Are you an expert in this topic? “Is Tasai an expert?” (on screen) Tasai: I have talked about this before…. it’s quite that…. recently, standards regarding men and women…..how could I say it?.... Isn't it discrimination against women when you are asking about gender?.....on the contrary, there were articles that made me think…. is it sexism against men?... a lot of these kinds of articles are done…. “Are this kind of articles increasing in Tokyo Sports?” (on screen) Tasai: Recently, it makes me think about what means to be a man or a woman….for example….men…..things can be said about women and men, but being myself a man, I can’t help but think in a certain way (having a certain perspective), what makes me wonder if it is ok… Joe: I see. Like you could say something problematic…. Tasai: I have been thinking about it recently… Joe: I see…. God: Well…. Joe: Oh, God is here… God: Aren’t people with tiny breast-cleavage just jealous? Joe: Ah, do you think that’s the reason? God: In my opinion…..In my opinion it’s ok if there is no cleavage….if anything, I would say that small breasts are better…. Joe: God likes small breasts… God: I think they are better….but, about this photo…..I  think it's a good photo no matter how you look at it…. Joe: It’s a pretty photo, isn’t it? God: Yes. That’s why I’m jealous of people who don’t have a cleavage…. I feel like having a discussion about it, it’s somehow old fashioned…. They mumble about if God refers to men or women, or if he thinks both are ok. Joe: God is not concerned about the size of a cleavage, you are like “Either option is ok!”…. God: That’s it… Joe:  Like….you don’t have to be strict about it…. God: It’s a question about the inside….it doesn’t matter what it is…. Joe: Indeed Kaoru: But it’s a fashion publication, right? “Isn’t it posted in a fashion magazine?” (on screen) Joe: Isn’t it? This is not something that the Prime Minister Marin is wearing for public affairs, as she is a woman of excellence she was able to be part of something like this….I’m sure this isn’t just  her…..it’s a fashion magazine, the director and the stylist worked in this as well….and they told the Prime Minister to pose in this way or another, I think it’s a way to express in fashion that’s why it hit us like this….I feel it’s like that…the people who is against it…..what is vulgar about it? Kaoru: Well, now no matter what you do, you are going to get positive and negative opinions, right? Joe: Indeed! God: As there are people who bash others (online), it’s the people with tiny breast bashing her this time! The three bursts into laugh. Kaoru: That’s it… Joe: I get that… God: That’s the truth without any doubt! Joe: It’s like…...don’t brag about your boobs! God: That’s it!  Because people’s bragging talks are something that pisses you off! There is no doubt! Joe: I understand what you mean with “there is no doubt” but…. God: There is no doubt! There is no doubt about this! Tasai: Among the opinions who found the picture bad, some came from women…. Kaoru: I see… Joe: God is mad at you! Tasai: But isn’t God the one who understands their true feelings as man? But I would bet that for the time being, a man wouldn’t say “it looks cheap”. Kaoru: But that this picture was published it’s a good thing, right? Joe: Actually, with this picture you raise attention and when it comes to politics….it makes people being interested in politicians…. It’s like a promotion…. Kaoru: That it looks cheap or distrustful…its like “it’s not of your business” …. Joe: Isn’t it? It doesn’t look cheap at all! God: God just realized something! Joe: What was it? God: The previous theory I did  I said “there is no doubt” ….but there might be! Joe: Ah, you are going to say…. God: She is a politician, right? Probably she is  being criticized by politicians….Probably by the opposition party people with small breasts! Joe: That’s it! God: That’s it…. It’s the opposition party…. Joe: I see… Tasai: That’s a good idea… Joe: Is the opposition doing this? Like the criticism comes from the political powers…. God: That’s right… (….) Joe: I wish politicians would appear in fashion magazines in Japan…. Kaoru: More than wishing that they come out (in fashion magazines) it’s the editorial department on the other side…. Joe: The ones who have to want to pick them up right? Kaoru: Yes. Tasai: I think it’s more like there isn’t someone who wants to pick up this person (a politician) Joe: So the conclusion is that Prime Minister Marin is a woman of excellence…. Kaoru: That’s it, right? Tasai: Yes, yes… Joe: There is no doubt… Kaoru: Well…..former Haishin Tiger and Nihon-Ham (figthers) player…Tsuyoshi Shinjo*….somehow came back to Japan and will be in a magazine cover soon. *Tsuyoshi Shinjo (48) is a former Japanese professional baseball outfielder.  Shinjo is now a television celebrity in Japan as well as a model for his own line of clothing.   Tasai: Surely… Kaoru: It’s amazing, isn’t it? Joe: It is… Kaoru: Well….I think it’s time to finish the program this week…. Joe: Before God says something else… Kaoru: Thank you for watching…. Joe: Thank you for watching…. Kaoru: Please subscribe to the channel…. Tasai: Please subscribe….

[ampleappleamble]

CHAPTER NINE OF ANTHEM INFINITUM IS FINALLY FINISHED AND UPLOADED

Chapter Nine: Mother, Daughter, Sister, Queen <- AO3 LINK

Defiance Bay is a city that could use a woman's touch.

Full chapter under the cut~

—

There was ‘too strange to be true,’ and then there was 'too strange not to be true.’

The former was usually easy enough to determine, at least for a woman of Sagani’s age and experience: she’d be a piss-poor mother, hunter, and leader were she to give credence to every tall tale a guilty child or unscrupulous trader told her. But sometimes a situation was just unusual enough, skirted that line between plausibility and absurdity just so, that Sagani found herself well and truly baffled. Like now, with these kith.

They’d seemed like a regular bunch of adventurers at first glance, although a motley one. They’d been chatting amiably amongst themselves when they’d noticed her, and if she hadn’t heard them talking about a carved bear– and if Itumaak hadn’t nudged her hip and whined, pointed eagerly at the strangers with his whole body– she probably would have ignored them entirely and let them disappear down the road, over the horizon.

Leaving her alone. Again. And still at square one.

So she had cast her line, and had been completely knocked off guard at the response she’d gotten. She had been expecting the folk man– the big blonde with the country drawl– to do what Dyrwoodan men tended to do and bloviate at her until he lost interest and herded his mismatched crew off to their next thrilling adventure. But instead, he had crouched down to regard Itumaak with childlike delight while, to Sagani’s mild surprise, the redheaded orlan had stepped forward and taken the conversational lead.

What with all the bigotry against orlans she’d heard tell of since arriving in the Dyrwood (and the handful of incidents she’d witnessed firsthand), Sagani hadn’t anticipated the leader of this little pack to be one– and a woman at that, although her foreign accent cleared up some of the confusion. Listening to her bold, clear, confident voice, Sagani had been unable to stop herself cocking an eyebrow and cracking a bemused smile at this strange little encounter.

And it had only gotten stranger the more they’d conversed. While answering the orlan’s questions about her hunt for Persoq, Sagani had noticed the giant aumaua behind her scribbling frantically on a sheet of vellum, his excited eyes darting between the orlan and herself. She’d also noticed the folk man ignoring the conversation entirely to focus on trying to get Itumaak’s attention, as well as the elf standing alone in the back who may or may not have been talking to himself behind his grimoire.

And then the orlan claimed to be a Watcher. Sagani’d had to fight to keep from rolling her eyes upon hearing that one again. And here she’d been, expecting more slack-jawed farmhands. Gods, these people were odd.

Yes, Sagani, they’re a bunch of freaks. Not like you, a middle-aged female long game hunter from an isolated village on an island in the arctic who’s searching for a dead man with her snowy white fox.

Maybe that was what had made her put Persoq’s bear in the other woman’s hands, that guilt at thinking her and her companions odd when Sagani had such an unusual story herself. And at least these people were actually friendly, for once. She still hadn’t decided whether they were necessarily trustworthy or not– the orlan was probably about as real a Watcher as that last “Watcher” she’d met– but she could at least fairly confidently tell that they weren’t about to pull some kind of shit. Body language was too relaxed, atmosphere was all wrong for violence or trickery. Hel, this girl wasn’t even asking for coin. So why not let her have a go at it?

And now, watching the little woman sway on her feet and stare like a sleepwalker, Sagani was starting to wonder if she had made the right decision after all. She wasn’t normally an easy woman to rattle, but something about the orlan had changed, something behind her eyes, and it lent her an eerie, uncanny quality that made Sagani’s skin crawl.

“What’s going on?” she blurted, hairs on the back of her neck standing on end. “What’s happening to her?” Itumaak finally snapped at the annoying folk man, curling his lip and snarling, and the big blonde backed off as the fox leaned into Sagani’s side.

“Oh, uh, yeah,” the man stammered, “prolly shoulda warned you about that. She gets like that when she’s doin’ her watchin’, or… whatch’ call it.” He dug his thumb into an itchy spot between his eyebrows, side-eyed Itumaak. “…Your fox bite?”

“Yes,” she muttered, eyes still fixed on the orlan woman, on Persoq’s bear.

“Can I pet him anyway?” The man’s blue-green eyes shone with sincerity.

“Worry not, madam! She’ll come out of it soon enough,” the aumaua interjected, tucking his writing tools away in his satchel before peering intently at the adra carving in the orlan’s hands. “At least, she seemed to come out of it rather quickly when she spoke to the spirits in Caed Nua. This might be an entirely different experience, as far as I’m aware.” He chuckled and gently waved his gigantic hand in the redhead’s face, and she stared through him, completely unresponsive. “Fascinating, isn’t it? I wonder what she sees…”

Sagani glanced up at the huge man, careful to keep the orlan and Persoq’s bear in her peripheral vision. “You’re telling me you all came from Caed Nua? That old keep west of here? I was told that place was nothing but a wraith-infested death trap.” She felt her heart drop, just a little. Yup, that’s what I thought. Too strange to be true.

“Sure’s Hel was,” the folk man grumbled, his tone suggesting he knew from experience. “'Course, that was before we showed up.”

The little huntress narrowed her eyes at him. “Care to explain exactly what you mean by that?”

The shy elf finally spoke up, cringing with embarrassment as he drew closer to the front of the little group. “Er– begging your pardon, madam; what my cohort meant to say is– Well, come to think of it, actually, perhaps introductions are in order–”

“Cliffs,” the orlan gasped, and Sagani’s focus was back on her in an instant, Itumaak yipping softly with surprise. To her credit, everyone else jumped too, startled by the little woman’s sudden return to consciousness. But still, she couldn’t afford surprises like that, especially when it came to Persoq’s bear. Never again. Beast’s Hooves, woman, never take your eye off your quarry…!

The orlan shook her head and blinked, finally seeming to come out of her reverie. “By the sea, I think,” she continued, trembling slightly as she placed the adra carving back into Sagani’s waiting hands. “Pretty high up, but we still got a snootful of that salty ocean spray.”

Sagani’s gaze flicked rapidly between the green-purple lump in her hands and the woman in front of her. “…What? I– what just– what did you do?” That was nothing like the last “Watcher” she’d dealt with, and she knew he was full of shit. But it didn’t necessarily mean this girl was on the level, either.

“…Watched, I suppose. Well, it’s not just watching. It was more like… being inside someone else’s head, feeling what they feel as well as seeing what they see.” The redhead rubbed her eyes, smiled wearily at Sagani. Reminded her of her youngest waking from a nap too early. “In this case, I was inside Persoq’s head, or his reincarnation’s, anyway. Damned disorienting, I have to admit. And it tends to make me look a bit foolish at times.”

“Right. I’ll bet.” Too strange not to be true? …Maybe. Maybe not. The ranger stuffed the carving back into her pack, not quite ready to admit defeat yet. ��Y'know, after my story about that charlatan Watcher, I’d have thought a 'real’ Watcher like you would have more to say about the experience than that.”

“A woman after my own heart!” The aumaua butted in again, looming up behind the little orlan like a sunrise. “I’d love to hear more myself. She only ever gives us the barest hints of what she sees, what the spirits tell her! …Although,” he added sheepishly, “I understand sometimes the scenes that play out before her are… not exactly easy to talk about.”

“Yes, Caed Nua and the Endless Paths are not exactly locales with happy pasts, Kana,” the elf chided gently before turning to Sagani. “I know we must seem… an unusual bunch, madam, and you’ve no reason whatsoever to trust us. We were each just as skeptical when we initially met her, and just as shocked as you the first time we saw her peer into the aether. But she has proven multiple times over to each of us that, ultimately, this is no act: she is a Watcher, truly.” He pursed his lips, fidgeted, wrung his hands together– but his face was open and honest.

Gods, they’re persistent! If they’re liars, at least it seems they’ve all got their story straight. “You realize I don’t even have any coin to offer you for… for whatever that was.” She knew how dangerous this could turn out to be, what a stupid mistake it might be to trust these strangers, but she could feel herself wanting to believe them, needing her long, difficult search to finally yield a solid lead…

The little woman shrugged, unconcerned, and turned to the road in front of Sagani, shouldering her pack once more. “Didn’t ask for any coin,” she stated simply. “Knowledge seeks freedom, we say in Ixamitl, and the freer I can make it, the better.” A cheeky grin popped up on her face. “…Although, if you’ve a tent, we’d trade you for it. Someone ruined ours.”

The folk man tore his attention away from Itumaak’s fluffy, rapidly swishing tail to regard the orlan with indignation. “Hey, c'mon, Axa, I said it was an accident–”

And as if on cue, he was silenced by a crack of thunder. All of a sudden, the humidity and the smell of ozone were overpowering, and the gathered kith all turned their faces to the heavens.

The first drop of rain hit Itumaak on the nose, and he sneezed.

“Welp.” The big blonde sighed dejectedly. “Sun was settin’ anyway. Guess I’ll get started on a lean-to for us.” He trudged off into the nearby brush, and as they followed behind him, the aumaua and the elf gave Sagani polite, awkward waves. The orlan woman– Axa, as Sagani knew her now– watched them go and then turned back to the huntress, raised her eyebrows in an unspoken question. The rain was starting to come down in earnest now.

Oh, come on already–

“I… There’s… uh, a little rock outcropping about 15 minutes’ hike southeast. Should fit five and a fire 'neath it. And a fox, of course.” Sagani reached down and scratched Itumaak behind the ears, and he pressed his head into her strong, steady hand. His reassurance comforted her, and she smiled.

Axa smiled back at the dwarf, her cohorts turning back toward the two women. “Well! I never thought I’d say that that sounds more appealing than my current projected sleeping arrangements, but here we are. You’ll lead the way, I trust?”

Just remember, Sagani: if you wake up tomorrow and Persoq’s bear is gone again, you’ll have no one to blame but yourself.

The huntress nodded and chuckled. “Sure will. Follow me.”

—

Honestly, it wasn’t as if Axa didn’t know how farfetched her whole story sounded, especially after listening to herself recount it aloud to a stranger. She was also self-aware enough to recognize that she and her companions probably came off as... eccentric, at best. So in the end, she couldn’t really blame the dwarf for being wary of her and her party– anyone would be– even though they had told her nothing but the truth.

It would certainly be a lot easier to convince the huntress of her sincerity, though, if the truth could stop being so gods damned bizarre as of late.

Axa couldn't help but feel like the more of her story she told, the more a liar she made herself look, and the older woman's guarded body language and skeptical expression weren't very encouraging in that regard. She was a mother, she'd told Axa at the camp that evening– five times over, although only three of her children lived yet– and Axa could tell she was a seasoned veteran of the child-rearing arts. She'd borne that accusatory, incredulous glare from her own mother ten thousand times, and it hadn't made any difference to her whether Axa was telling the truth or not either.

 –Serpent's Wings, I don't want to hear it anymore! He's not some poor stray tom you rescued from the gutter! He's not even a proper priest, Axa; he's a strange, sick con man who was lucky enough to find a softhearted, foolish girl to–

She winced at the memory. Yes, thanks, Mama. Helpful as always.

Then there were all the things she wasn't telling anyone about yet, let alone this woman she'd just met. She wasn't concealing anything especially damning, just perfectly mundane, boring, everyday intensely painful and private experiences and memories, including some that might explain a few things about her current circumstances. But as usual, every time she was presented with an opportunity to open up about herself, Axa just... clammed up instead. The Ordhjóma thing, for instance, had come up again in an otherwise pleasant dinnertime chat about the southern lights over Nasitaaq when Axa had absent-mindedly mentioned the time she had seen them in the White that Wends, and then she'd had those questions to deflect. She knew there was nothing inherently shady about it, but even so, just the act of politely declining to elaborate on her time in the Land or to speak any Ordhjóma for her curious audience made her feel nervous and guilty, as though she were withholding evidence instead of simply keeping a private matter private. Mercifully, everyone seemed to let it go easily enough, but Axa couldn't shake the feeling that Sagani in particular held it against her.

And if it wasn't what she said or didn't say making her appear suspect, it was the series of ludicrous coincidences that now passed for her everyday life. According to the Lady of Caed Nua's trusted local guide (the smoke-addled fool who'd nearly gotten his fingers bitten off by Sagani's fox), the cliffs from her vision of Persoq just so happened to be a few hours west of Defiance Bay. How convenient, then, that she and her crew were headed that way anyway, and how generous of them to offer Sagani a place in their traveling party. It was all the truth, of course, and intended in the spirit of benevolence– but all the same, it sounded like such an obvious contrivance that Axa had almost not wanted to say anything at all, to save them both the embarrassment.

But when the dwarf had accepted, had shrugged and sighed and told her to "lead the way," Axa had had to actively stop herself from shooting back, "Are you sure?" Even though it was perfectly understandable, Sagani's obvious reticence to trust her (especially while she was actively electing to travel with her anyway) still stung, and it frustrated Axa that she couldn't quite figure out how to not let it make things awkward during their long hike to the city. Each of the menfolk had approached her on his own at one time or another and inquired discreetly after her health and mood, each noting how unusually untalkative she was, and each time she found herself too stubborn to admit why. They were damn near crossing the bridge into the city proper by the time the orlan was finally tired of torturing herself about it, and she impulsively squeezed her left eye shut, hoping for some insight–

–Sometimes, with some kith, there just ain't nothin' for it but to just keep on livin' your truth, Lil' Blossom. Just let 'em be, and you just go on bein' true t' yourself. They'll come 'round, with time... or they don't, 'n you cut 'em loose. Th' true o' heart will follow. Either way you're better off than y'were before, worryin' yourself sick about what some blowhards think–

Wael had answered the spontaneous prayer with a promptness that had startled her almost as much as the answer itself. She hadn't thought about her father in some time, but it seemed the Lord of Mysteries had reached down into her mind and plucked out exactly the right memory for the situation. It was something Papa'd told her back when she was a little girl, tormented by peers far crueler than the kith she was keeping company with now, and she had come to him for advice not on revenge, but on how to get them to like her. At the time, Axa had balked at essentially being told that sometimes there was nothing one could do about another's unfair opinions of them. But in time, she came to see the wisdom in his words, and she found that the less she tried to shape herself to please others and the more she focused on cultivating her own identity and interests, the truer the friends she kept and made.

Not that she'd ever had a very broad circle of friends. She was more like her mother than her father in that way.

She lifted her head, cast her gaze over the small group of oddballs and misfits trailing merrily along behind her, and a sudden, fierce sense of camaraderie rushed through the little woman. She felt tears well up in her eyes, and she quickly brushed them away with the back of her furry hand.

 Good advice, Papa. Thanks. ...and thank You, Eyeless One.

"Hey. ...You feelin' alright?" This time, it was Sagani herself who drew up next to the orlan, concern plain on her motherly face. Itumaak's nose brushed Axa's fingertips on her other side, the fox giving her a cursory sniff before returning to his mistress. "You've been pretty quiet these last few hours. Nervous, now that we've made it to the big city?" She nodded her head in the direction of the city gates, no more than a stone's throw away now.

Axa wondered, looking at Sagani's kind smile and knitted brow, how she ever could have thought the older woman had borne her any ill will. "Not really, no. I grew up in the second-largest city in the Plains, so tall buildings and busy streets don't faze me much. I've just been... lost in thought, I guess." She smiled back briefly before tilting her head just so, to obscure her face with her burgundy curls. Just in case.

"You're not still hung up on that Magranite priest we met on the road, are you?" Kana closed the distance between himself and the two women in a few broad steps, sensing that the tension in the group was dissipating now, positively famished for a good chat. "In truth, I still am, a bit. I certainly hope we don't meet any more of his sort beyond these gates!"

"Still feel like we kinda overdid it there," Edér piped up, picking at the bandaging on his fox-bitten fingers. "Sure, he was a weird, rude prick, but did we really have to set his beard on fire after kickin' his ass?" Despite his words, the farmer still smiled fondly at the memory as though reminiscing on some old childhood mischief, chuckling as he spoke.

"He called Axa a vicious, unrepeatable slur, Edér," Aloth huffed, clutching his grimoire close to his chest as the group passed over the long bridge into town. "Honestly, he's lucky he got away with his head still on his shoulders, never mind his beard."

Axa's gaze shot to Sagani, eyes wide and innocent even as she fought back a feisty grin. And in response, the huntress laughed, clapping Axa gently on the shoulder. "Now that sounds like a good story. Maybe tell me over a drink once we get settled in at the inn."

'Be true to yourself, and the true of heart will follow you.' Good advice, indeed, Axa thought, smiling back at the dwarf as the party approached the gates of Defiance Bay.

—

As soon as their party had crossed the threshold of the city proper, they'd turned to a local rabblerouser for directions, inquiring about points of interest and general information about the city. He'd filled them in while still trying to hold court with the group of refugees and protesters crowded around him, adding in his own fiery criticisms of animancy and the local constabulary (along with his endorsement of the local vigilante militia), and as soon as the opportunity to escape had presented itself the little band of adventurers had beelined for the nearest tavern, a busy little neighborhood eatery and inn called the Goose and Fox.

Bit strange, that name. Sounds kind of predatory for a house of respite. Sagani glanced down at her own fox, and then chuckled to herself, shaking her head. ...Alright, maybe I'm looking a little too hard into this.

She noticed Axa looking at her quizzically, so she leaned over and murmured: "Here, stop me if you've heard this one: An orlan, a dwarf, a folk, an elf, an aumaua, and an arctic fox walk into a bar..."

"The bartender looks at them and says, 'What is this, some kind of joke?'" Axa quipped back, not missing a beat. It was a punchline from a different bit, catching Sagani off guard, and both women laughed loudly enough to draw attention. In particular, that of a sour-faced elf with a rag draped over his shoulder who frowned and pointed at Itumaak, shaking his finger at the beast as he scurried out from behind the bar.

"Hey, hey, c'mon now, ladies, no loose animals in the dining area– Is that a dog, or...? Either way, tie it up outside, please. This isn't the Salty Mast." He spat the last few words from his mouth like a foul-tasting venom and turned to resume his duties, only to find himself nose-to-chest with Edér.

"He's an arctic fox, actually," the large man drawled softly, his tone hovering between casual and threatening. "And he goes where we go. 'Sides, he's clean, and he don't make no trouble. Not 'nless there's trouble with us. Which there ain't. Right?" He smiled amicably, looming over the sweaty little man as Axa stepped forward to intercede and the rest of her crew discreetly slid into a corner table.

The blonde and the redhead returned shortly, followed by a husky orlan barmaid loaded down with stew and brew for the party of five, plus a little something for Itumaak. They talked while they ate: planning, mostly, about what to do with the rest of the evening and the days to come. The Hall of Revealed Mysteries, temple to Wael and the largest library in the Dyrwood, was a high-priority destination, as was the Ducal Palace in First Fires, for the war records Edér was after. According to the talkative fellow by the gates, First Fires was also where Axa could find the temple of Woedica, and hopefully some clues regarding the enigmatic Leaden Key. And, of course, eventually they'd have to head for the western gates to escort Sagani to the cliffs where she might meet Persoq.

Even though your initial offer wasn't an escort to the cliffs. Only to the city. Sagani smirked as she considered the implications and nursed her tankard. You that eager to prove you're really a Watcher? Or are you just hoping to keep me on a little longer as a hireling you don't have to pay? She watched them eat and talk and drink and laugh, and when the orlan caught her staring, she smiled and offered the huntress a toke from her pipe.

...Frost's sake, Sagani, she thought as she politely waved the proffered whiteleaf away, maybe she's just nice.

Soon enough, she was pleasantly buzzed and half-listening to Aloth and Kana argue about whether to visit the asylum in Brackenbury when she noticed that Axa's attention had drifted as well– to the folk woman at the table nearest the back wall, the one who kept her face out of the lamplight and stared grimly into her ale.

Sagani nudged Axa, indicated the woman with a nod of her head. "You know her?"

"No." The redhead rose from her seat, wiping her mouth and knitting her brow. "But I know that look." She spared a glance at the lads– Edér, his eyes shut, blissfully gnawing on a hunk of beef the size of his hand; Kana and Aloth still wrapped up in the discourse on animancers in the Dyrwood– before striding purposefully towards the solitary woman, Sagani close behind.

It took some coaxing, but they got her talking. She told them her name was Kaenra, and that her fiancé had recently struck up a close friendship with svef, had started bringing strange, unsavory people around to the house to use. That he'd become distant, and then violent, and that now all she wanted from him was for him to take his grandmother's ring back and fuck off out of her life. Sagani watched as Axa listened, watched as she bristled with righteous rage, her eyes lingering on the woman's fresh bruise as she squeezed the ring tightly in her fist.

"I'll make sure he gets it," she vowed.

And so it came to pass that Sagani found herself spending her first evening as a tourist in Defiance Bay firing off arrows in a stranger's kitchen and siccing Itumaak on the drug-addled thugs in the study. Judging from the reactions of the rest of her retinue, apparently this sort of thing wasn't exactly out of the ordinary for Axa: the girl had a thirst for justice, it seemed, and she damn well meant to slake it.

Before long, they were all standing above the cowering, bloodied homeowner, a man called Purnisc who struggled to explain himself to Axa's satisfaction. Turns out he had been dealing svef, too, and when his supplier had found out that he'd been pocketing more than his fair share of the profits–

"–they sent the kneebreakers downstairs," Sagani finished for him, "and the wizard to replace you. Literally." She shook her head in wonder. It really was just like one of her Vailian crime novels.

"Replacement wasn't much of an improvement on the original." The little redhead was steaming mad, and she made no move to hide it as she leaned over the battered man, finger in his face. "You silly bastard, you really thought you could steal from a professional criminal, and lie to your woman about it, and you're just so gods damned clever that no one could ever possibly be the wiser?"

The man's blacked, swollen eyes went as wide as they were able. "You... you've talked to my Kaenra? Is she alright? Sh-she doesn't know I was selling, does she? Oh, gods, please don't tell her. I'm so sorry for putting her through all this. Please don't–"

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Axa's cry came shrill and piercing, her typical rich, smooth voice consumed in the fire of her outrage. "Kaenra sent us here to return your ring because of your lies, you crooked little shit-for-brains! She loves and respects you! And you'd have us lie to her again?"

The pathetic man had withered under the orlan's verbal assault, and Axa seemed to have made her mind up about him as the group marched solemnly back to the Goose and Fox. But after returning to Kaenra, after telling her what Purnisc had done, the little woman once again defied all reasonable expectations.

"He's just an idiot, not a monster," Axa assured the other woman, "and he still loves you. And although he did a damned foolish thing, he never meant to hurt you. You just need to decide for yourself whether he's worth a second chance." Her violet eyes shone with tears as she spoke, Purnisc's ring on the table next to the women's clasped hands.

When Kaenra smiled and said she’d think about it, that was when Sagani suspected that even if it turned out she wasn’t a Watcher, this girl might really be something special after all.

—

Axa could feel them watching her as they settled into their room at the Goose and Fox that night, could feel them wanting to know. Not only so they could understand why she had done what she had with Purnisc and Kaenra, but also so they could (no doubt) uncover and examine all the painful, humiliating life experiences behind her every decision, all her successes and failures, and then judge her accordingly. Like kith will, she thought, of course. That’s normal and healthy to think.

Genuine concern mingled with morbid curiosity, hung palpably over the group like a scythe posed to reap as everyone sat and waited for Axa to break the oppressive silence. So she drained her goblet, emptied her pipe, got out her whiteleaf, and with a grim sense of determination, she told them about it.

About the career she'd built back in Ixamitl, where she had lucked into a scholarship to a prestigious lore college, bestowed on her by a generous politician acquainted with her father. Because she'd always loved to learn and hear stories about kith from around the world, she had chosen to put her good fortune to good use and study to become a naturalist, concerning herself with the cultures and languages and histories that constituted the kith population of Eora.

While most of her colleagues had decided to specialize in Vailian– a popular choice for the political or business-oriented crowd– Axa fancied herself an intellectual, and so she had challenged herself with mastering Ordhjóma: the exotic, mysterious language of the Glamfellen, separated for 10,000 years from their tropical Sceltrfolc cousins in the far-flung, frozen south, in The White that Wends. She had thrown herself into her studies, blowing through massive tomes and ancient scrolls like a hurricane, outperforming her peers with ease. Within four years, Axa had risen like a Dawnstar to the top of her class.

And then the field work had begun.

"It's one thing to read about a people, learn their language from books and study up on their culture," Axa explained, stuffing her pipe slowly, taking her time. "It's quite another to visit their homeland, speak with them, live among them. I was barely seventeen, I'd never even been out of the city..."

Kana winced, painful recognition in his black eyes. "Culture shock can be particularly difficult for younger scholars. We have certain expectations after all our years of academic study, and to find out that the genuine article doesn't quite match up to the image in one’s head can feel disorienting and disappointing. There's not only the shock, there's anger at the natives, and then the guilt over said anger..."

Axa accepted Aloth's proffered light while Kana trailed off– it always delighted her, using arcane flame for something so trivial as a smoke– and sighed. "That's what was really odd about it. I experienced some culture shock, but ultimately the problem wasn't me. It was them. I know it sounds like I'm just being bitter, but... honestly, for whatever reason, the whole village really was actively freezing me out."

"Nice," Edér chuckled, grinning at the unintentional pun until Aloth's glare chastised him back into solemnity.

"No one wanted to talk to me," Axa continued. "Oh, I tried, incessantly, but they just... kept turning away, or answering with nonsense or... or riddles. My colleagues had little difficulty integrating, but I felt like my presence was just barely tolerated by the villagers. I tried asking the other lore students about it, but they either feigned ignorance really well or they honestly couldn't tell what these Glamfellen had against me."

"Some sort of... racial prejudice, perhaps?" Aloth looked as uncomfortable as he sounded, but at least the topic was broached. Axa shrugged.

"I don't think so, but I honestly have no idea. The other three scholars with me weren't orlans, but they weren't Glamfellen either. And no one ever specifically said anything about my being an orlan."

Sagani nodded. "In my experience, while most Glamfellen tend to be as standoffish as any elf– no offense, Aloth– they don't usually have specific prejudices like that."

"Right? Ordinarily, unity and hospitality are taken very seriously in the frozen south; to support one another is indispensable to survival. Nevertheless, I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong by them, and it was driving me out of my gods damned mind. I was supposed to be studying local accents, dialects, and colloquialisms, but that's somewhat difficult when nobody will actually speak with you. So, I ended up spending a lot of time eavesdropping on people, mostly outside, by myself."

Sagani shook her head, drawing her whetstone across her hunting knife. "Bad idea to go it alone out there in the White. All kinds of dangers hiding in the snow."

The orlan huffed a sharp, sardonic laugh. "You're telling me. That's how I met Vaargys."

As soon as his name was out of her mouth, Axa could feel her entire demeanor transform, and the atmosphere in the room with her. It was the first time she'd said his name since she'd left home, and even though she knew they'd already been listening, her audience really seemed to be listening now. She felt her face get warm and her eyes sting from the impending tears, so she turned to the window, trying hard to focus on the streets outside and not at her own reflection in the glass.

Come on, girl. You’ve run far enough. It's time you faced this.

"I spotted him from afar one day at dusk: a dark, distant, shaggy figure out there among the rocks, shambling around just beyond the village's borders. It took me a few minutes to even realize he was kith. My colleagues noticed me watching him eventually, warned me away from him: the 'wild man' the locals called the 'Cursed Vagabond,' the 'Exiled Priest.' And he was out there all alone, struggling to survive because nobody wanted him around, and no one would say why..."

"You had a lot in common," Aloth murmured gravely. It wasn't difficult to see where this story was going. And he couldn't help but think it sounded similar, thematically, to one he knew quite well.

"Kith will paint a face on a rock with their own blood if it means they can have someone to talk to," Sagani sighed sadly, sympathy heavy in her chest. She could see where this was going too, and she dug her fingers into the thick fur on the back of Itumaak's neck for comfort. He grunted in appreciation.

"I introduced myself, like you do. He was... cautious, but receptive. It helped that I'd brought gifts." Axa smiled with fond recollection, despite herself. "We got to know one another, and over time we became fond of each other. We started sharing meals and stories about ourselves, our lives. He told me he was a priest of Wael, self-taught, and exiled from his clan for venerating the Eyeless Face instead of the Beast of Winter... He let me get close to him, cut his hair, tend to his wounds..." The tears spilled over at last, and she paused for a moment, hid her face.

"And you fell in love," Sagani finished for her. Classic. Tale as old as time.

Axa smiled again even as she brushed her tears away, dragging her little fist across her golden cheeks. "And I fell hard. I was his first real friend, gave him his first kiss. And very soon, I became his first lover." The men blushed and looked at the floor. Axa and Sagani paid them no heed.

"I was fascinated by him, and he adored me. We made our own little world together there in the caves, in the snow. And we lived there, separate from everyone and everything else. Until I had to return to Ixamitl, of course. But I had a plan: Before I could talk myself out of it, I asked him to marry me– the very night before I was to return to the Eastern Reach. ...Gods, I had known him for only five months."

"And... wait, how old were you?" Edér spoke up for the first time since Axa had started her story, confusion clear on his face.

"I– Seventeen, almost eighteen by the time I went back home," she clarified, miffed at the interruption. "I'm twenty-two, now."

The blond man held his hands out in front of him, squinting at his fingers, baffled. "And... and how old were you when you left home? Hey, how old was he?"

Kana sighed and leaned over, patting him on the shoulder with one huge hand and confiscating the man's pipe with the other. "Erh– Never mind that now, my friend. Please, Axa, continue." He smiled that big, toothy smile at the little woman, and she blinked very slowly.

"...I brought him home to meet my family and colleagues, to assist me in my studies since all I'd really brought back from the Land was him, and ultimately, hopefully, to become my husband. In the interest of brevity– albeit somewhat belated– here’s how all that turned out: my family and colleagues hated and distrusted him, and after I had defended him so fiercely I'd alienated myself from my peers, I found out that about three-quarters of everything he'd ever told me about his home and his language was complete horseshit and all of our work together was complete bunkum. So! I burned it all in a big bonfire behind our house before telling him to leave and never come back."

She had ticked her misfortunes off on her fingers as she’d described them, her hands trembling, and then gesticulated fiercely before letting her fists fall to the small tabletop before her. "And then... I left, too. And now, here I am."

 ...Gods, that was easy. Much easier than I thought it'd be. Why was it so–

She rambled on before she could lose her nerve. "So. That's why I... wanted to do that for Kaenra. My fiancé lied to me and fucked up my life, too, and I can't just ignore that kind of shit when I see it anymore." She sighed, turning to the window again with her pipe still burning away in her hand. "Vaargys is the reason I had to leave my home and everything I've ever known, because his lies ruined my career and my academic standing and my reputation. How could I just stand by and watch it happen to someone else?"

"Yet, you advised Kaenra to forgive Purnisc?" Aloth twisted his fingers together in his lap, staring at them rather than looking at Axa as he spoke. "After... all he'd done?"

Sagani glanced at him, narrowing her eyes as he reached up to smooth his hair– and wipe away a stray bead of sweat in the process. Is it my imagination, or is he...?

Axa kept her gaze fixed on the street below. "Yeah, that sort of surprised me too, to be honest." She spotted a stray soul, its violet wisps of essence drifting slowly amongst the city goers, and she squeezed her eyes shut, felt them burn behind her eyelids. "I suppose... I just got the feeling that it wasn't too late for them, that what they had for each other wasn't so broken it couldn't be repaired. Vaargys and me... not so. There was no coming back from what he'd done, and we both knew it."

"Whatever became of him? Of Vaargys?" Kana leaned forward eagerly, his eyes shining with compassion. For once, he actually wasn't taking notes on the conversation, and Sagani noticed that, too.

Axa opened her eyes, and saw the lost soul on the street no more. She shuddered. "After I confronted him, Vaargys simply... left. Vanished into the horizon, just as abruptly as he'd first appeared to me. And then, I got to clean up after him– after us– all alone. I wasn't up to the task; wasn't really up to the task of anything but hiding in bed and regretting my life decisions up to that point. I could really only scrape together the wherewithal every now and then to go out and sell off or give away all the ridiculous trinkets and baubles we'd accumulated together. A few of the things I tried to get rid of turned out to be stolen, of course– big surprise, Axa, he's a thief and a liar– which did my already brutalized image no favors. Nor my purse, when I was obliged to pay out of my pocket for his chicanery."

"Villain," Kana spat, shaking his head slowly. "Scoundrel! ...Oh, how dastardly, to sow discord between the woman he loves and her neighbors and colleagues, then to abscond, completely free of reproach!" His sorrowful frown was as huge and expressive as his smiles always were, almost theatrically so.

Sagani just barely looked over in time to spot Aloth surreptitiously roll his eyes, and she couldn't suppress her grin. I thought so. Ondra's Lure, they're pretty obvious now that I think of it...

The elf cleared his throat and took the reins. "Shall we assume, then, that your family and friends were unable or unwilling to aid you in your time of need?"

Axa scoffed. "My little brother was sympathetic, but ultimately powerless to help me. He's stuck too far under our mother's thumb. He's a Godlike, and it's made things... difficult, for both of them. He feels obligated to her. As for our mother, she blamed me for my own misfortunes, for 'shacking up' with a man like Vaargys in the first place. So... that sort of says it all about our relationship. My father hasn't been in the picture since I was 13, and any non-academic friends I hadn't already traded for school, I ended up trading for Vaargys. I'd made him my whole world, and he–" She stopped herself, puffed on her pipe. "I don't... really make new friends easily. Never have."

Kana laughed good-naturedly. "With all due respect, present company seems to indicate quite the contrary."

"Ha! Since becoming a Watcher with her own castle who offers to help everyone she meets solve all their problems, I do seem to be quite popular, yes," the orlan agreed with a wry smirk. "...I jest, of course. In any case, the friends I do make, I tend to keep. And cherish." She smiled at Kana earnestly, and now he averted his eyes and went ruddy in the face.

Sagani and Aloth surprised one another, simultaneously faking coughing fits to cover their derisive snorts. Kana went even redder, but still managed a sheepish smile as Axa quickly redirected back to the topic at hand.

"In any case, it was my mother who gave me the idea to relocate to the Dyrwood. She brought back the notice advertising the caravan from the marketplace, threw it at me as I lay in my little nest of quilts and despair, and told me I had better either try and do something to rebuild my life or I may as well just return my soul to the Wheel to start a new one, save it some time and trouble."

"So... in response to your fiancé sabotaging your career and your reputation in your own home community, your own mother told you to... choose between self-exile and suicide?" Aloth spoke very quietly, very carefully. When Axa nodded and shrugged, puffing nonchalantly on her pipe, he couldn't quite come up with anything to say to that.

"As harsh as it sounds," she pressed on as she rose and crossed the room to stand before the hearth, "I agreed with her. I still do. Mama grew up a slave and only finally earned her freedom by running away, so maybe she's biased, but... I was never going to be able to move on like that, lying around like I was dead already, surrounded by bad memories. I had to do something, get up and get out. And she dropped a nice, pre-packaged escape plan in my lap, just like that. Nicest thing she'd done for me in a good long while. ...So. That's what lead me to the Dyrwood."

"And then it lead you to the bîaŵac, the Engwithan ruins, the machine," Kana murmured, rubbing his chin and studying the little woman. "Perchance, did you ever pray to Wael that you might live an interesting life? Because if so, you've had your wish granted many times over!"

"It's funny," Axa sighed as she bent and tapped her pipe against the bricks of the fireplace, "you'd think I'd hold a grudge against Wael, allowing Their priest to make a fool of me like that. But in the end, I had to admit that although he betrayed my trust and wrecked my life, Vaargys hadn't actually ever violated any of Wael's tenets. ...Made me rethink the gods, a bit. Maybe he was a true servant of Wael after all, sent to guide me here for some reason. And I do still pray to Wael for guidance, on occasion."

The aumaua sat up in his chair, beaming. "Ah! Shall we go to the Hall of Revealed Mysteries tomorrow after all, then? We can ask the scriveners' opinion!"

"Gods! I spill my guts to you, and you're still thinking about going to the library?" Axa shook her head and chuckled. "You're a mystery, Kana."

"Wait, so... you were gonna marry the pale elf?" Edér mumbled into his pillow, half asleep and trying to kick his boots off. "But you're an orlan. Would that... how would that work?"

The little woman threw the sheets back on her bed, using a little more force than she'd meant to. "Another mystery, Edér," she snapped, rolling her eyes. "Mysteries abound."

The other two men winced as Sagani laid a gentle, steady hand on the orlan's shoulder. "Hey. ...Hel of a day for all of us. Let's call it a night, yeah?"

"Let's, yes." Axa turned and smiled wearily, placing her little hand over the huntress'. "Thank you. All of you. Truly. Tomorrow... tomorrow should be easier, I think."

—

The next morning, Axa woke facedown on the floor halfway between her bed and the door to the room.

The rest of the day proceeded along the same lines.

They made for First Fires first, to visit the Ducal Palace and discern the fate of Edér's brother from the military records, as well as square away some lingering paperwork dealing with Caed Nua. Naturally, they came away from the Palace with no answers for Edér, more paperwork to do with Caed Nua, and a new, even longer list of tasks and priorities.

"You Watchers do that every time you roll into a new town?" Sagani stretched and yawned and Itumaak did the same, both of them glad to finally be back outside. "Introduce yourself, get involved in local politics, promise the townsfolk you'll visit the caves from their visions for 'em?"

"Sure she does," Edér grinned over the dwarf's shoulder. "How d'y'think we met her?"

Axa sighed, rubbing her bleary eyes. "That seems to be my routine since moving to the Dyrwood, anyway. No better way to earn a bit of coin and endear oneself to the locals than to offer a helping hand. The better to 'establish myself in the city,' too, I suppose– apparently a necessity if one just wants to access one little simple gods damned war record." She looked up at Edér with sympathy.

"Perhaps we might start realizing that goal by familiarizing ourselves with the local constabulary?" Aloth waved a slender finger in the direction of the squat, imposing keep that housed the Crucible Knights. "If what the... representative from the Dozens we met yesterday eve says is true, it sounds like they're well in need of the assistance and more than capable of affording your fee."

"Oh, they're more 'n capable of plenty," Edér grumbled as the party approached the stone arch and started up the stairs to Crucible Keep, "but it don't mean they'll actually do what they say they will. The Dozens, they got the opposite problem: they like t' say they done shit they haven't."

"As long as they pay us and help us get you your war records, they can talk all they like and I'll do the doing." Axa flashed her feisty, confident smile at the first Knight she spotted in the great hall–

–and within twenty minutes, she was storming back down the steep stairs, red-faced and fuming, her companions trailing nervously behind her.

"'Orlans aren't suited for the work,' he says!" she spat, flinging her hands about, teeth bared in anger. "We're 'too hostile,' he says! And then Clyver just... throws some bullshit fetch-it job at me and dismisses me like I'm a child!"

"Now, Axa, please, just– just try and calm down..." As soon as Kana said it, Sagani winced in sympathy for the stupid man. Oof... Wrong approach there, lad.

And she was right. Axa whipped around so fast that the huge man stumbled backward in surprise, nearly tripping over his own feet. She reached up to jab a finger into his solar plexus while her eyes, narrowed into slits like thin violet blades, cut into him. "Never tell me how to feel, Kana, never again. Or by the Beast, I'll show you fucking hostile."

She whirled back to fore, marching away with her fists clenched at her sides, leaving Kana to stare after her and press his palm to the divot she'd poked in his belly. He watched as Sagani and Aloth followed close behind her, before he turned to Edér, eyes wide with bewilderment.

The blond chewed his pipe stem, giving the ochre-hued lad a look of pity. "First time pissin' off a woman? Or... just an orlan woman?"

"Hardly," Kana chuckled, "on either count. Why, it's not even my first time pissing off that particular orlan woman!" He shook his head, slowly ambling after the little woman, taking his time to catch up. "Although that barrel of powder was already well primed to explode, and not without reason. I suppose I just had no idea how serious the anti-orlan sentiment really was around here. Evidently, even the justiciars will make brazen, odious assumptions about a perfectly amicable visitor like Axa based on nothing more than bigoted superstition! And with the four of us standing right there alongside her, no less!"

"Well, I mean, yeah, but... I wasn't gonna say anything." Edér looked away, scratching at the back of his neck, and Kana turned to rebuke the man before realizing, with no small amount of shame, that he hadn't said anything to the justiciar to defend Axa either. He fell uncharacteristically silent pondering this, and Edér thumped him affectionately between the shoulders, passing the other man his pipe in the spirit of brotherhood. For whatever reason, it made Kana feel worse.

It didn't take the two men very long to catch up to the others. They had come to a dead stop not too far away, the three of them standing just beyond the threshold of a nearby building– or, what was once a building. The burnt out, crumbling ruins of Defiant Bay's temple to Woedica appeared to Edér and Kana to be rather unremarkable, considering its purpose and patron. Weeds poked up through the broken stone, insects and small vermin skittered amongst the scattered bricks.

And there Axa stood near the center of the ruin, still as a statue, staring into thin air. The clouds shifted with the wind, and a thin, feeble sunbeam dragged itself slowly across the district, catching her in the light for just a moment, but she made no sign of noticing.

Kana sidled up timidly behind Aloth, peering at the little woman over the elf's head. "Is... is she quite alright? I didn't upset her that badly, did I?" He looked to Sagani, hoping to see an encouraging face, but found the huntress entirely fixated on the orlan woman instead.

"Don't worry, Kana, it's nothing to do with you." Sagani's voice was quiet and clipped, and her face wore concern and shock in equal measure. "She's just... talking to a ghost."

"Oh– why, so she is!" Kana still stood behind Aloth– reminding himself of hiding behind his mother as a child after he'd angered one of his sisters– but he leaned forward all the same to better observe her. Sure enough, the signs were all there: her blank eyes, her unsteady stance, her lack of response to stimuli.

"Told ya, she just does that sometimes," Edér quipped, returning some of the dirty looks they were starting to draw from passersby. "We let her. She seems t’ like it."

Aloth leaned away from the giant chanter looming over his shoulder. "The shock starts to wear off after you've seen her do it a few times," he assured Sagani politely.

And as if on cue, Axa suddenly shuddered and blinked, coming out of her trance dazed and slightly paler than before. Her voice was shaky, but she kept it under control. "...The temple proper is underground. We can reach it through the catacombs, on the south side of Copperlane. That's... where we'll meet her. The Queen that Was." She turned to her comrades and found Sagani in front of her, the older woman's face a shifting landscape of wonder, fear, pity.

"You really are a Watcher, aren't you?" The way she said it, Axa knew Sagani believed it, now.

She smiled weakly. "I am, yes. For better or for worse."

—

Kana Rua breathed deeply of the sea air as the band of adventurers wandered through Ondra's Gift, and a powerful, heart-wrenching homesickness hit him like a punch to the gut. The smell of the ocean was the smell of home to him, and he'd been landlocked so frequently as of late on his journey across the Eastern Reach that he'd started to find it hard to recall the exact details of its tangy, briney aroma. Although the winds from the bay that swept across him now didn't smell quite like the ones he'd enjoyed back home in Tâkowa– rather fishy smelling, this particular shore– they were still a fond reminder of his coastal home, a kindness from Ondra Herself to him, here in Her namesake district in this faraway land.

Chest and mind alike full of the heady fragrance of the waves, he smiled down at Axa, and the little woman smiled back, giving his elbow a gentle squeeze. She had apologized to Kana for her earlier outburst as soon as she'd had time to process her conversation with the ghostly Woedican worshipper, and he had responded with a lengthy apology of his own for his cowardly silence during her earlier confrontation with the bigot at Crucible Keep. Before long, they were laughing and jesting as though nothing had ever happened. Neither of them could stay angry with a friend for very long, it seemed, and both were amenable to a sincere admission of guilt and a genuine attempt to make amends.

And he couldn't deny that the more time he spent in conversation with her, the more he found himself blushing and grinning stupidly, stumbling over his words. Though it felt... coarse to dwell on it, he couldn't help but wonder if there might be something between the two of them. We suffer misunderstandings here and there, but ultimately, she seems rather fond of me. And I have to admit, she's a stunning little beauty... She's strong, principled, fantastically clever... And her charm–

"Smells like a kraken took a shit out here and died," Axa groused, her lip curling back in revulsion as she tried to peer around the other pedestrians crowding the street. "Gods, I detest the sea. ...We must be lost. Isn't there supposed to be an inn around here somewhere?"

Kana cringed as his amorous daydreams quickly deflated. "Ah... there is, yes, the... Salty Mast," he replied reluctantly. "But, erh, you might not wish to give custom to–"

The crash of a heavy wooden door being flung against masonry shattered any sense of tranquility left in the muggy afternoon. Everyone on the street, Axa and crew included, quickly turned to the source of the clamor: a tall, slim woman in silver armor and purple silks, evidently doing her damndest to tear the door to the Vailian Trading Company office off of its hinges on her way out of the building. She appeared to be Ocean Folk at first glance, but when she whipped her head of thick, dark hair around, her feathers–

Her feathers, cerulean and emerald and azure, caught the late afternoon sunlight, fluffed up and fluttered in the breeze. Axa could hear the others around her gasping, whispering, but she–

–a gift, honeycomb, a gift from the Sky-Mother Herself! Oh, Axa, look at him, look at your beautiful little brother and she'd looked and seen feathers, feathers and blood and wet, pink flesh–

–had seen an Avian Godlike before.

"Gods damn that son of a cur!" Her voice was smooth and melodious despite her fury and fervor, and as Axa approached she found herself met by a pair of sharp, golden eyes that rivaled her own in intensity.

The feathered woman sneered, gesturing to the building she'd exited seconds before. "Ado. Looking for work? You could try your hand at running a down-on-its-luck Vailian Trading Company. There'll be a good position opening up soon enough, provided you don't mind mopping up your predecessor's blood before assuming his duties." Her Vailian accent was strong and rich, and she glared at the badly abused door, arms crossed over her chest, careful not to obscure the five suns on her breastplate.

Axa looked at the door herself just in time to see a frantic little fellow inside scramble to shut it as best he could. She turned back to the woman before her, whose scowl cut ever deeper into her striking features. "Uh. W‐well–" It took the little woman longer than usual to find her voice– "Enough coin, and you'd be surprised how well damn near anything'll clean up."

The scowl eased up, for a moment. "True enough. Verzano's just lucky he's not getting his payments in steel these days. Or not yet, anyway." The armored lady cast her piercing gaze at the orlan one last time– pinkish-white membranes sliding up out of the corners of her eyes– before striding purposefully up the road Axa and her companions had just come down.

No one spoke until the brilliant woman had vanished into the crowd, and then it seemed like everyone had something to say all at once. Axa had to lean in close for Sagani to hear her over the din. "I know we made a promise to take you to those cliffs," the redhead told her, "and I do intend to honor that promise. But do you think you'd mind if we made a brief diversion?"

Sagani saw Axa's violet eyes lingering on the ruined front door of the VTC branch office, and the little huntress grinned, Itumaak perking up at her side. "Don't mind a bit, Watcher. Never could resist a good mystery."

—

[1989xtaylorsversion]

olivia jade’s quest for redemption + if she deserves a second chance.

if you weren’t living under a rock in march 2019, then i’m sure you’re aware of the college admissions scandal that was exposed to the public. here’s a brief rundown: wealthy families who bribed prestigious colleges in order to secure a spot for their seemingly unqualified children, were exposed for breaking the law and faced the consequences. however, i use the word consequences in the loosest sense possible since our justice system isn’t exactly fair and balanced, as proven by the jail time served by these law breakers. anyway, among these criminals were actresses felicity huffman and lori loughlin, lori’s husband mossimo giannulli, and their 2 daughters olivia jade and bella.

there were countless people involved, but since these few individuals are celebrities and influencers (still hate that word), they got the brunt of the criticism since they’re in the public eye. the person i’m going to be focusing on in this post is olivia jade (pictured below), given the fact that she’s a youtuber, and someone i never would’ve expected to be caught up in something like this. that’s probably naive on my part since she’s a wealthy white woman in america, but i used to be a long time subscriber, so i felt like she wouldn’t be the type of person to do something so dishonest.

spoiler alert: she’s totally that type.

i’m not going to go too far into the past, because everyone else already has. instead, i’m going to give my opinions based on her current self. a couple of months ago ms. olivia jade graced our screens once again on the “Red Table Talk” and let’s be real, that was a mistake on her part. anyone who believes olivia’s a changed woman based on her words alone is incredibly naive. i’ll admit, when i was watching her interview, i did think she learned some lessons. she acknowledged how her privilege clouded her good judgment for most of her life, and she has since then made an effort to be better. however, when she was saying how she believes she deserves a second chance is where she lost me.

olivia’s 21, which is fairly still young. it’s great that she realizes she has privilege and whatnot, but she doesn’t deserve anything. no one owes her a single thing. if people don’t want to forgive her, they’re allowed to feel that way. her coming on a show hosted by black women (which is a problem on its own) for redemption, without demonstrating real growth and change is meaningless.

if someone ever asks for your forgiveness without showing you the steps they took in order to become a better person, you should not forgive them. i don’t want olivia to tell me why she deserves a second chance, i want her to show me. it was all talk, and no show. what that tells me is that she just wants to go back to making mediocre youtube videos and gaining back her influencer status without putting in the work to prove to people that she’s really learned her lesson. how does she expect her audience to be able to trust her without solid proof of her new self? she lost all integrity the second her name was printed in the magazines, and getting it back isn’t going to be an easy task.

the interview was also pretty lackluster, because they didn’t actually hit her with the tough questions. maybe it was for legal reasons, but why didn’t they question her more about her involvement in all of this? we know she posed for the rowing pictures, so why didn’t they ask her about that? she can’t plead ignorance, and then in the same breath go on and on about how people around her were doing the same things to get ahead simply because their wealth and privilege allowed them to do so. which is it, olivia? were you blissfuly ignorant of the whole scam or were you alright with it because it’s just what everyone does?

something i want to remind people is the infamous picture olivia posted in august 2019 in which she decided to flip everyone off and tagged multiple media outlets for good measure. now, maybe that was when she was still ignorant and unaware of her privilege, as stated in the interview, or maybe she just felt like making an ever bigger fool of herself. that’s something else i wish they had grilled her on. why make that post in the first place? what has she learned since she posted and deleted it? also, since they falsely applied as athletic recruits, they took 2 spots away from probably more deserving candidates. do they even realize that? do they feel sorry for that? what will they do to make up for their deplorable and selfish actions? i almost wish i had conducted that interview, since jada let her off the hook on seemingly all of the important topics.

i do think some people deserve a second chance, but only when they’ve proven that they’re a changed person. olivia uploading 2 new videos and going on about her business without showing any kind of growth is meaningless to me. time will tell if she’s a different person or not. on a personal level, i hope she has learned her lesson and understands how her and her family’s despicable actions indirectly and directly affected everyone. actions are worth more than words. until she can prove to the world at large that she’s not that ignorant, stupid girl who can’t take accountability for her actions, i really don’t want any part in helping to restore her integrity and good girl image. i don’t wish anything bad on her, but until she stops being all talk and no show, she shouldn’t expect any kindness or forgiveness from the public anytime soon.

[oureuphoria]

Worst of You - JJK 07

You meet him under horrible circumstances but everything feels perfect when you’re with him. Too bad you have a bitch of a best friend, anxiety and an inability to learn from your mistakes which cripples your chances to be with the man of your literal dreams. He, however, is a police officer with years worth of built-up turmoil and an inability to make attachments. Or “I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong.” “Cool, I’ll let everyone know you’re moving in then.”

Genre: fluff, angst, comedy

Pairing: officer!jungkook X  collegestudent!reader

Word count: 3k

Note: I’m uploading TWICE tonight because I love you and I love writing and I love Jungkook.

| 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 | 

Much to your dismay, Jungkook had started passively ignoring you. All your messages were either ignored or replied to with ‘busy’ 3 hours after he read them. Your calls when straight to voicemail and whenever you tried to arrange something he’d cancel. You knew his job was demanding but you couldn’t understand why he had no time in the past 10 days to message you back at all. Hell, you were sure he had Sundays off so when Sunday eventually came, you were positive he was avoiding you and you planned to get to the bottom of it. 

It was a Wednesday and a full week since you had failed your Dorm inspection. Your room was spotless and you kept the commons room clean however, Alex’s room was a complete mess and they found weed in her possession. She was given a 14-day notice of eviction and while you disliked her, you still felt bad. She assured you that she had family nearby and that she wasn’t planning on staying anyway. The fact that Alex couldn’t careless pushed you not to care either. 

For a short, blissful moment, you had believed that you would be peacefully alone, but someone was already arranged to take her spot and you needed to prepare yourself for the awkward tension of living with a stranger. You didn’t have time to dwell over your living arrangements, you had high schoolers to tutor. That day, the tutoring session you had ran longer than usual, 45 minutes over to be specific. You never charged overtime because you weren’t a monster but you certainly didn’t appreciate it and when the session was finally over, the overwhelming sense of relief had engulfed you.

Fighting through your tiredness, you decided against going home so you could visit Jungkook instead. You thought he wouldn’t be able to ignore you in person and boy were you wrong. When you had first approached the reception desk, you were surprised to see a younger lady, one with a much nicer smile. At first, that made you glad, the other lady, albeit efficient at her job, was standoffish and blatantly rude. However, you would soon regret every trusting that deceptively sweet smile of hers.

“How can I help you?” “Hi, I’m here to see Jungkook?” You ignored her coy smile and the way she rolled her eyes. Maybe she was having a bad day and deserved the benefit of the doubt. “What’s your name?” You stuttered when you said it which was embarrassing enough but then she called him and rather loudly stated that ‘one of your hookups was here to see you’ and when she had said your name, she let out a chuckle at his reaction. “He said he’s busy and just a piece of advice from my personal experience, if he didn’t call you back then he’s really not interested.” You’ve always been good at having a poker face although it proved useless in moments where you were severely upset and this was bordering on becoming one. However, you pushed back whatever tears were threatening to fall and gave her a curt smile. “Noted.” 

When you were finally at your dorm, you couldn’t even sleep. Instead you doodled Pokemon characters in your books and try to make sense of all that had happened. Maybe he wasn’t into you. You were emotional the day that he had confessed, maybe he just pitied you and wanted to spare the pain of rejection. You let out a frustrated sigh as you angrily crushed the paper you were drawing on, aiming it directly into your bin. 

From then on you didn’t message, call or visit Jungkook at all until Saturday night. You remember him telling you that he normally had Saturday nights off unless there was an emergency, most of the cases on those nights were just drunk brawls and people who had too much to drink. The phone rang for a bit before it abruptly stopped indicating that he had hung up on you. You told yourself that was it, the last chance you’d give him. If he wanted to talk to you, he would and evidently, he didn’t. However, forgetting about him was easier said then done which was why you found yourself walking through central park at 8pm in October.

You didn’t do much, just wandered around and stared at ducks which were rather displeased with your lack of bread. You went to a street vendor for a pretzel that was far too overpriced but you didn’t seem to care, happy enough that you had something warm in your hands. You even tried to befriend a small bird but it turned out that it just cared about your pretzel and your so-called ‘friend’ flew away the moment you had finished it. 

Realising you hadn’t checked your phone in a while, you fished it out of your pocket while seated on a park bench and much to your distaste, you had 2 missed calls from the last person you wanted to speak to. 

Jungkook was genuinely busy, that much was true, but even in the moments that he wasn’t, he couldn’t bring himself to reply to you. He grew so accustomed to worrying about no one else but himself that communicating constantly slipped his mind. He wasn’t the best replier and whenever he’d remind himself to call you back, it’d be too late in the night for you to pick up. He wasn’t good at this, he never knew what to say and once you stopped talking to him altogether he felt guilty because his first reaction was relief. He truly was an asshole and you deserved so much better which was why Jungkook had decided to let you go.

Saturday nights were usually reserved for Jungkook’s close circle of friends and their drinking habits. Jungkook normally went home with a girl and this time was no exception, in fact, he desperately needed the distraction. However, mid-way through his conversation with some random girl he had hoped to take home, you rang and he stared at his phone for a moment before hanging up. The moment his finger hit decline, he could feel guilt and regret consume him. 

You hadn’t actually meant to call Jungkook. You had meant to call back Jimin since it was awfully peculiar of him to call you at 11pm (or ever?) for no foreseeable reason but your finger had slipped and you called the person right under Jimin’s contact. Since Jungkook was the last person you called, you called Jungkook and you didn’t even notice until he picked up. You were confused at the voice which was obviously not Jimin’s so you quickly checked the caller ID only to realise it was the man who ghosted you for 2 weeks. 

Jungkook was half-naked and making out with the same girl on his bed when you called again. He forgot to put his phone on silent so the ringing persisted quite loudly. He tried to ignore it but it droned on for a bit. “Just pick it up, I’m not going anywhere.” She gave him a suggestive wink while he apologised and grabbed his phone, walking to the bathroom. “What’s up?” He breathed out in a tone that was evidently annoyed and there was a pause before you replied. “Nothing much, nice to hear from you again.” Your tone was painfully sarcastic and all Jungkook could do was sigh before replying. “Now isn’t a good time Y/N.” “It’s the only time though, right? Since you only pick up the phone once every 14 days.” 

The line went quiet for a bit which allowed you to hear a female voice in the background asking if everything was okay. You weren’t stupid, you got the hint and so you scoffed and hung up. When Jungkook checked his phone again to see that you’d hung up, he ran his hands over his face and resisted the urge to pull his hair out. He hurt you and it was in that brief moment of extreme guilt that Jungkook had realised he regretted every pushing you away. The deed was done though, so he left the bathroom and shook off his guilt. “Sorry, where were we?”

Despite your blood boiling and your fractured heart, you called Jimin back, properly this time. “Hey, Jimin what’s up?” “Hey, it’s an emergency. I need you to tutor me and I-” “No.” And with that you hung up, Jimin was the last person you wanted to spend time with and the last person you owed a favour too.

__________________

It had been 2 weeks since you had last seen Jungkook and your birthday was in 6 days. You weren’t sure how you were going to celebrate it or if you even wanted to at all. You cleared your lessons for that day because you didn’t really feel like spending your 21st birthday with annoying high schoolers. You were still fairly upset about what happened with Jungkook. For the first time, someone showed a genuine interest in you as a person and it turned out to be a complete bust. You were undeniably heartbroken and Jimin surely didn’t fix it.

“Damn, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” You made a sound of disgust when Jimin interrupted your once peaceful lunch. “I don’t think Alex would approve of this.” A bald faced lie, after all Alex didn’t give a shit what you did. “I don’t think she cares about me enough to approve or disapprove.” “She cried for hours when you broke up, I think she cares.” “Why would she care, she cheated on me.” Your face was tangled in confusion although it sounded like something Alex would do. What you couldn’t understand was why Alex had spread a rumour that Jimin cheated on her. “Why did you let her spread that rumour about you then?” Jimin looked at you, clearly not willing to answer but your curious gaze was undeterred so Jimin continued anyway. “If a girl cheats, she’s labeled the campus slut. If a guy cheats, he just gets praised for it. You see where I’m going here?” You smiled at the realisation that Jimin could be genuinely nice when he wanted to be. What a shocking concept. “And they say chivalry is dead.” Jimin jokingly punched your arm.

“Now, to the point, as you may already know, I’m on the verge of failing Peterson’s class and I desperately need your guidance.” You looked at him weirdly, you tutored high school kids, not students in your classes. “I really can’t help you, sorry,” Jimin whined before grabbing your arm and shaking it like a child. “Pretty please, I need to do well in this class otherwise I have to repeat it and get set a whole semester behind.” “You could just do the class during the Summer.” “Oh Y/N, you’re so funny, I don’t do Summer school, it’s not my thing.” “Maybe it should be?” “Look, I’m begging you, I need your help." You cursed yourself for your extreme sympathy because you resolve was surely wavering. “I can’t tutor you but, you can study with me and I’ll help you out.” Jimin smiled, hugging you in a painfully tight embrace. “Who would’ve thought we’d be study buddies, huh?” Your unimpressed face gave Jimin the impression that you didn’t enjoy his attempt at humour so he immediately shut up.

From that point forward, you and Jimin had unexpectedly spent a lot of time together. He was similar to Alex, only genuinely nice when they chose to be and it was soon obvious why they didn’t work out. They were too alike. In the week leading up to your birthday, you had spent a good portion of your time with Jimin. Albeit most of the time was spent revising, you had actually grown to enjoy his company and truly consider him a friend. 

Unfortunately, the morning of your birthday was a rather anti-climactic one. You didn’t feel any different than your 20-year-old self and you didn’t have any plans for the day. Except one. It was a Saturday and your new roommate was set to move in this Monday which was why you decided that you would get absolutely shit-faced on your birthday. You’d never had alcohol before, never even entered a club and you were excited to explore these things despite the fact that you hate crowded places and bitter things. It was the socially accepted protocol to get drunk on your 21st birthday and who were you to stray from tradition? 

There was a knock on your door which you responded to hesitantly. You knew it would be Jimin since you had buzzed him in but you were dreading the awkward ‘happy birthday’ interaction. “Happy Birthday, kiddo.” You let him in but kicked his shin as he stepped inside, you still hated when he called you that. “Thank you.” You were genuinely thankful in spite of your dreadful tone. It had been a long, hard week and you were simply glad it was over. 

Since Jimin had been part of your ‘friend’ group since 7th grade, he came to every single one of your birthday parties. You threw a party every year as advised by Alex and ebbed though you hated them, they always seemed to make your friends happy. Alex liked to pretend that she was being nice by helping you out but everyone just wanted an excuse to have fun. No one really bought you gifts and people barely even knew the party was for you. And like clockwork, every year, Jimin would be invited to your party and every year, he ignored you. But not this one. 

“I’m going to make up every birthday I’ve ever ruined today.” You giggled a bit out of disbelief, taking the gift that he had brought for you from his hand. “Honestly I don’t mind, I forgot about it.” You didn’t but you weren’t one to hold grudges. At least not for long. “Nope, you are going to have the best 21st birthday in the history of 21st birthdays and then you’re going to forgive me for all the bad things I’ve done and we’re going to be best friends.” You laughed even harder at his monologue, till you realised he was being serious. “Oh wow, you’re actually serious, okay.”

Jimin made you open the large gift box he got you and inside was a short, black dress that you would’ve mistaken for a skirt if not for the lacy sleeves and open back. “Jimin, thank you, it’s a gorgeous dress but you can’t seriously expect me to wear this.” He looked at you with pleading eyes. “I can’t go into the club tonight with a girl who looks like she came out of a Disney production.” You hit Jimin’s head with the box lid. “Fine, I’ll wear the stupid dress as long as you don’t complain when you have to take care of me!” He waved you off and left, assuring you he’d be back at 7pm. 

Jimin came 30 minutes early and helped you with your makeup. Your range was fairly limited since you usually kept things naturally and Jimin didn’t appreciate it. “And you call yourself a lady. Disgraceful.” Jimin also tried to make you wear your hair down but you refused consistently for at least 10 minutes before he gave in. Having your hair down was something you reserved for when you were alone. You just felt more comfortable with it up. 

You convinced Jimin to let you wear a long coat because it was cold outside and you were walking but he made you promise you’d take it off once you got into the club which was a fair condition. However, when you had seen the line you presumed you’d never make it in anyway. Jimin grabbed your hand and waltzed straight to the doors where they immediately greeted him and let him in, no questions asked. They stopped you for an ID check though to which you gladly complied and the bouncer wished you an insincere happy birthday which made you far happier than it should’ve.

When you got in Jimin pulled at your coat which you reluctantly let go of and handed it to the waiters waiting in the foyer. You’d never been to a club before but your imagination couldn’t even fathom this. It was huge. There were hundreds of people and you could feel your anxiety increasing at a riveting pace. “I want to go home.” “Not until you’re completely wasted, let’s go.” Jimin takes you straight to the bar where you both sit, you start to spin yourself on the stool childishly before Jimin abruptly stopped you, scolding you a little as if you were 10.

The bartender was busy taking a group’s order and it took a couple of glances before you realised the group was the NYPD and Jungkook was right there. “Jimin. Jimin. Jimin. Jimin.” You were smacking his arm to get his attention off the menu boards and onto you. “What, child?” You told Jimin about Jungkook during one of the earlier study periods and Jimin was convinced he was actually secretly in love with you but didn’t want to put you in danger which is why he let you go. You laughed a lot at his barbaric fantasy. 

“Look, there’s Jungkook, the one in the white dress shirt.” Jimin skimmed the group and suddenly realised why you were so sure he was out of your league. He was out of everyone’s league. Broad chest and chiseled jaw. The man had an intimidating aura that was balanced out by his softer features like his eyes and lips. Jimin was amazed and he didn’t bother hiding it. “Damn, if I looked like him I’d never let myself get tied down either.” You elbowed his side, pouting angrily. “What Y/N? He’s built like a god, I’m not going to deny it.” “I know. He’s so annoyingly handsome.” Jimin hummed in agreement and after, he looked at you with a devious smile. One that usually signified trouble. “What are you plotting now, Jimin?” He smiled before bringing you closer and speaking at a more hushed tone. “Okay, we’re going to make him jealous and I’m going to prove my theory.” You shook your head rapidly.

“No, absolutely not, it won’t even work.” Jimin grabbed you by the shoulder, staring deeply into your soul. “This is your one and only chance at love you lonely child. You have to take it. If it works you owe me big time.” You cringed at his words. You’d never admit it but a part of you wanted to make him jealous, to throw a big ‘fuck you’ his way after what had happened. But you couldn’t, you didn’t want to hurt him no matter how much he’d hurt you. 

“No, but I do want one of those yellow drinks they’re so cute.” You pointed at a drink which a girl a couple seats away was drinking. “That’s way too strong and I have a feeling your alcohol tolerance is absolutely horrible.” You glared at him for a bit before beckoning the bartender. “Could I get one of those please?” She nodded dutifully with a kind smile and you stuck your tongue out at the rather shocked Jimin. 

Your drink came with fruit and you were excited about how cute it looked. “Ugh, Y/N let’s go dance.” Jimin groaned while simultaneously trying to drag your body away from the bar. “But I just got this drink. Go ahead I’ll join you when I’m done.” That was a lie. You never dance and you didn’t feel like starting. You had been infatuated with your drink despite it tasting quite bitter, it wasn’t something you couldn’t grow to like and so you continued sipping it slowly. With all of your attention fixated with the drink, it would’ve been impossible to notice Jungkook’s curious eyes. 

[starlightaxolotl]

Stormfront Chapter One

words: 2.9K

warnings: none really, one swear word, implied alcohol being consumed by underage people but not shown.

I finally bring the long awaited first chapter of Stormfront, my Ninjago Next Gen AU fic. 

One: Not Without Risk

Zane walked out of the hide out and down the street, drawing the hood of the plain blue hoodie over his head. He knew he was being followed. If he made it to the prop apartment, he'd be clear. With his connections offline still, he had no signal to upload the information he had gathered on this impromptu meeting, having been lucky to even have been in the building when the meeting was called. For convenience, they allowed him to sit in before he left. They hadn't wanted to hold him up, but insisted he listened.

It had given him confirmation of his biggest theory: Harumi was building a network, one that spanned the entire continent of Ninjago, and one of her contacts had found something she was looking for. Something that would be in the city in the next two weeks.

Zane's hands itched at the thought. If she had already gathered contacts in every corner of the continent, who was to say this wasn't some sort of play—a ruse to throw him off. They could easily know he was infiltrating but choosing not to apprehend him…

But why?

Zane's mind and heart were racing at equal speeds. It was a lot to take in.

They knew where everyone lived. It was pinned out on a map of the city and surrounding suburbs, and they couldn't do anything about it. If they moved, they'd just be found again, and there was no evidence to suggest they wouldn't also reveal they knew what Zane was doing, breaking in and slipping among their ranks sporadically under another new fake name each time.

He crossed the street, glancing over his shoulder. In the alleyway behind him, a figure sat on a motorbike, ready to go at a moment's notice. Their visor was too dark for him to make out any details before he turned his head back to focus on the sidewalk in front of him. Distantly, he heard the engine rev before fading, driving away.

He had been followed. He was likely still being followed if he had to guess. He didn't want to be right this time.

It was taking a chance, but he needed to do it. He internally switched on every communication signal. As soon as he connected to the network, he uploaded the information to the coded file, encrypting it as he did. He called in to Pixal.

It didn't even ring once before she answered. "Are you safe? This call is early. You are not at the safe apartment yet." Zane could hear the worry in her voice, the strain of trying to stay calm. After over twenty years together, it wasn't shocking that he knew her this well.

"I am on my way home now, honey. I think we need to have a family gathering soon. Work is getting busy." His words, even out loud and inconspicuous to any passing ears, were coded.

I am on my way to the safe house. I think I am being followed. We need to gather the others. I have information. It is urgent.

--------------------

Gigi Walker liked to think that as first alternate for the debate team that meant she was incredibly skilled at last minute arguments and persuasion. She had, after all, talked her way into first alternate from third alternate.

Which, of course, is why she found herself standing between her father and the front door of their apartment, arms crossed. "Come on, I just want to go on patrol once with Uncle Kai-I really don't think I'm asking for all that much! Enver's been on patrol!"

Jay raised an eyebrow at his daughter, grabbing his phone from the charger. "Enver is two years older than you, and not my kid. Kai's house, Kai's rules. My house-which you live in last I checked, by the way-my rules. This isn't up for debate Gigabyte, Your mom and I both said you're not going on patrol until you're older when you and Grant turned ten and started training-which you already started earlier than we wanted, if you remember!" He crossed his arms as well.

Jay walked towards the dresser next to the door, opening a drawer to grab his keys. "And Kai is starting patrol later tonight than normal, and you have school in the morning. Which, if I remember right, you've been almost late every day this week because you've been oversleeping!" He reached out to touch his daughter's shoulder. He had a sad smile on his face. "Stop trying to grow up so fast, trust me on this one. You're gonna miss this once you become a full time ninja-when you're nineteen at the earliest." He pulled his hand away from his stunned daughter, moving past her towards the door.

Gigi's mouth dropped open and she twirled on the spot, grabbing her dad's arm. "Nineteen? Last week your only condition was I had to be an adult!"

A small snicker came from behind. "Don't make him push it to thirty." Down the hallway, holding a laundry basket, was an auburn teen, smiling wryly at his twin sister. "And next to uncle Kai, no one holds a grudge like dad."

"You left your uncle Lloyd out of this, he holds a grudge worse than any of us and you know it. Remember when you accidentally broke his nose, kid?"

Grant groaned, head dipping back dramatically. "He still won't let me live it down or feel good about the fact it was the first time I landed a hit on him in a spar!"

Gigi giggled, and Jay looked back at her. "I've gotta get going-I hope I'm not making a mistake by leaving you and your brother here to do your homework-it's not too late for me to take you to Lloyd's so Aya can watch you two."

With a huff, Grant lifted the laundry basket. "I've got chores to keep me busy, plus Gigi and I still have to study for precalculus tonight. Big test tomorrow, and if I don't keep her on track it's not getting done before you and mom are home."

Jay smiled and nodded, pointing a finger at Gigi. "Doors locked, no friends over, got it?"

"Got it." She sighed, watching as her dad left before turning to look at her brother, skipping down the hall past him. "You've got me covered for the evening then?"

Grant shook his head, and sighed. "This is a terrible idea, Gigi."

"If this was a terrible idea, then they'd have hidden the files harder than that."

--------------------

Lloyd looked at Zane, who looked just as pristine as usual, though his clothes suggested otherwise. He seemed scuffed up and anxious. "So, we're all here. Rip the bandage off, what did you learn this time?"

Zane looked around the secure room and the familiar faces around him. His team, his family, everyone actively working on this mission. Except for Enver, though he was going to be working on it soon, Zane supposed. "I do not have much, but something is arriving in the next two weeks-something big. Something they've been looking for."

The air in the room was still, stiff. Zane continued on. "She didn't say what it was over the phone, but Lex, the woman who has been training me for guard detail-she vouched for me personally, saying that they'd be stupid to waste my firearm skills on meaningless turf battles-said that this item is integral to their plan, and that things will fall into place once it's in Harumi's hands."

Lloyd made a face at the mention of their greatest enemy.

Harumi had spent the better part of the last two decades underground, but in the last few years signs had come back that she wasn't done trying to destroy Ninjago by starting with them. Her last big move had been...traumatic to their team at best. Lloyd looked away, hand moving to his side. Even through his clothes, he knew the size and shape of the scar that was there.

It had been luck that he lived at all.

"I also have gained confirmation of Harumi's code name being the Spider, not the princess. This means that there is an individual being called the princess that is not Harumi. Logically, I would assume this to be some sort of child of hers, or someone she is appointing as heir of the cause for unknown reasons, just in case."

--------------------

Gigi pulled her hood down as she walked into the party, grinning under the black lights which picked up the swirls of white makeup she had drawn on her face for the event.

The room was hot, packed wall to wall with people who swarmed around the makeshift stage in the abandoned warehouse. Maybe it wasn't as abandoned as she previously believed though, knowing now that these parties across the warehouse district were tied as recruitment events for the Oni's Curse as they called themselves now, rebranding from the Sons of Garmadon they originally were. It showed a few shifts. The movement no longer hinged on Garmadon as their leader, which...arguably might be worse for Ninjago in some ways. Gigi had only ever heard stories, but it sounded like Harumi could be even worse on her own. It even-

Someone slammed into Gigi's back and she shouted, barely heard over the music in the warehouse. A hand grabbed her wrist, steadying her before she could faceplant into the small gap in the flooring.

"Careful!" A girl yelled, muffled by the music and the mask she wore. Gigi could tell she was smiling behind it though. "Get's a little hectic here, ya know?" She started dancing, still holding onto Gigi's wrist. Gigi started to dance with her. "First time?"

The song started to wind down and Gigi nodded, reaching into her pocket to put her ear protection in. "Yeah, didn't know these were so popular!" She looked around, taking it all in. "Especially on a school night!"

The girl laughed. "That's half the fun-who cares if we have school tomorrow, tonight we live!" She tipped her head back and laughed harder. After a moment she looked back at Gigi. "What's your name, twinkle toes?" She asked with a nod at Gigi's shining shoes. She hadn't expected the black lights to make the glitter so radiant-it was just glitter!

Gigi smiled, holding out her hand. "Gigi!"

The girl took hers, giving a loose shake. "Everyone calls me Ruka around here." The girl-Ruka-looked around, pushing her dark bangs out of her face. "Let's get something to drink before some idiot spikes everything." She looked at Gigi, her dark eyes bright in the party lights. "You down to hang, first timer?"

"Uh..." Gigi faltered. She needed to be alert for the mission-if she found some kind of proof maybe she could get some intel about the initiation process that they didn't already know about. Sticking with someone who knew the place was a good idea. "Sure. I could go for a pop can right now."

Ruka laughed again, grabbing Gigi's hand to pull her through the crowd. "Pop can, you really are a newbie aren't you?"

Gigi shrugged, sticking close to her newfound guide. "Parents aren't usually out at night together, it's kinda new to be able to slip out of the house unnoticed." Gigi could feel the beat of the music in her bones as they passed a set of speakers, rocking her body at its very core. Grant would hate it here.

She so owed him for the cover up.

--------------------

Before she knew it, Ruka was pushing an unopened can of soda into her hand and pulling her once again around the makeshift dance floor. Gigi thought she heard her say something about a quieter place to hang around at in the party, but she wasn't sure. Even with ear protection in, her ears were ringing, and she was sure she'd feel unsteady from the sounds for hours after leaving the party.

"You were right," Gigi said as she leaned against the railing, popping the can of soda open. "It is quieter back here." She took a sip of the soda as she watched the people dancing below. Ruka leaned against the railing next to her, and Gigi smiled at her. "How did you get involved in coming to these parties?"

"Long story, but basically...my cousins." Ruka pulled off her mask, putting her hand through the elastics to keep it on herself. "They like the party scene, I...can tolerate it with the right people." She winked and as the strobe lighting passed over her face, Gigi could have sworn her eyes were red. Like fire red, but the next second they were back in the dark. "What about you, first timer?"

Gigi chewed on her lip, looking down at the party below. "I heard there's a little more than just a party going on, probably just a rumor."

"What, like drugs?" Ruka sounded irritated. "This isn't the place for that, Gigi. They're pretty strict about drugs."

That caught her attention. Gigi turned again. "What? No, that's not what I mean."

A loud voice cut through across the music. "Hey, hey, Rukaaaa!" Gigi looked left at where it came from. A girl with a high, neon streaked ponytail was sauntering over. Her combat boots made the metal catwalk clang loudly with each stomping step. The teen seemed cut from stone, all angles and neon paint, like a walking piece of graffiti. She eyed Gigi as Gigi did the same. "Who is this poppet?" Her face was intricately painted, streaks of white crossing over her lips in an upwards curve, and bright pink smeared around her eyes.

"Raz, this is Data. Data, Raz. My cousin I was telling you about." Ruka's voice was tight. It confused Gigi why she was calling her Data when she clearly remembered her name was Gigi just moments ago. "We were just talking about why we came out here tonight, told her you were big on the party scene."

Raz threw an arm around Gigi, pulling her close. "Data huh? Alias? Or do your parents really hate you that much?"

Gigi gave an awkward laugh. "Nickname." The two looked nothing alike. Then again, maybe they were cousins the same way she and Lark were cousins, cousins because their parents were so close they were practically family, but with no resemblance. "Pretty awesome party!" Gigi took a sip of her soda. Something about Raz made her uneasy.

Raz grinned wide, eyeing the soda. "Surprised no punch, Data. You and Ruka seem like punch girls-well, I know Ruka is."

"Her parents would notice if she accidentally got spiked punch. Said her brother is covering for her." Gigi looked at Ruka, who was undoing her buns-how had she not noticed they were purple before now? Ruka combed through her hair, pulling it into a ponytail. "And it's her first time here, I'm showing her the ropes. How things run, stuff like that."

Raz nodded, her grin still present. "Well then, I'll leave you to it." She squeezed Gigi's shoulder, and through her jacket Gigi could feel her sharp nails. "Don't let her give you too much hell, Data."

Gigi gave another awkward laugh, nodding before taking a sip of her soda. Raz slunk off, sauntering across the crosswalk towards a group of equally painted individuals. Gigi wrapped both hands around the can, and listened to the music for a minute before speaking. "Your cousin is...a lot."

"Tell me about it."

--------------------

Grant was practically pacing the floor when he heard a knock at his window. His parents were on the way home and as he pulled open the curtain, sure enough his sister was on the fire escape outside. He unlocked his window, pulling her in. "Go get changed, if they see you-why do you smell like smoke? Were you smoking? Oh man you were smoking-if mom gets a whiff of you we're both going to be grounded so badly-"

"Relax! It's from the train stop. Some ass wouldn't stop smoking and I couldn't get away from them. I'm gonna go shower, cover for me with mom and dad until I'm done?" Gigi shut the window behind herself, and sat down on the ledge to take her boots off. "I made a friend tonight, she's just so...she's amazing, Grant, she really really is."

"Okay, that's great. Does she know anything about the OC?"

Gigi faltered. "I don't think so. I think her cousin does though, so I'm gonna have to go back a few times to get some more intel-and you're right, you would absolutely hate it there. It's so loud and you can feel the music constantly and-"

Grant pulled his now shoeless sister off his floor, shepherding her towards the door. "You. Shower. Now. We can talk about it later!"

[idkthisisjustforfanfic]

two years too late, chapter t w o 

When your alarm went off on Friday morning, you were sure that it had all been a dream. Your feet hit the floor and you looked out the frosted window. The snow was still there. Your coat was still in the living room where you’d left it, your tea cup still on the coffee table--an empty reminder of the night before. 

Your commute was longer than usual but not nearly as bad as the way home yesterday. The subway was in better condition and people seemed less miserable, likely because it was Friday, and the city always seemed to have a bit of a buzz at the end of the week. 

So now, as you stood in the office kitchen waiting for the Keurig to spit out your coffee, you recounted the events and sorted them into the good and bad categories that your brain so easily made. 

Good: he didn’t bring it up. He seemed excited enough to see you. He didn’t mention any other embarrassing events. He was nice to Alyssa. He paid for the Pad Thai. He didn’t overstay his welcome in your apartment. He said he’d see you again. 

Bad: there were plenty of awkward moments. He used your stupid nickname multiple times. He didn’t take the hint that you didn’t even want him in your apartment in the first place. He told you he’d read your stories (which likely meant he read your tweets and those were all sorts of a mess). You felt stupid most of the time you were with him. He said he’d see you again. 

You couldn’t really decide which category that last one fit in, so you saved it a spot in both. 

“Did you see that Harry Styles performed a super small concert at Spotify last night?” Your coworker, Carly, slithered up to your cubicle and smiled toothily at you. Her blonde hair was up in a ponytail, her casual Friday look still put yours to shame.

You were used to her excitement about anything Harry did, but this time it was harder to feign interest. You licked at your lips and willed away the heat that tried to rise to your cheeks. “I’ve always been more of a Liam girl myself,” you said nonchalantly, keeping your eyes on your computer as you pulled up The Scoop’s homepage. 

“Oh come on, the hair and the eyes and those tattoos,” she laughed a little, lowering her voice as if this wasn’t typical workplace dialogue. In fact, it was regular workplace dialogue. Carly was obsessed with One Direction (but mostly Harry) and she never kept that a secret. She was the one who wrote most of the articles about the band--her live tweeting of Harry’s album release were some of the The Scoop’s most popular moments.

And besides, your job revolves around talking about this type of shit. You had to be up to date on whatever celebrities were doing and you always needed to have something quick and witty to say about it. 

But you were also used to avoiding conversations about Harry in the workplace. Seeing as he’d released his album right after you started your job meant the first month was like tiny dodging bullets--an article here about his record sales, a list assignment there about the best lyrics. (You passed that one on to Carly though, claiming you hadn’t even listened and couldn’t possibly take joy away from her by writing about something she loved so much). 

Your coworker Max walked by, offering a smile to both of you as he headed for the kitchen. 

The Scoop’s office was modern and sleek, filled with standing desks and conference tables surrounded by balance ball chairs. You had common spaces with brick-red couches and vending machines for when you needed a change of scenery or a snack--all of the makings for a trendy workspace and happy employees.

The gym downstairs was open late into the night and early in the morning--though you’d managed to wander in there once and it was only by accident. You heard rumors that they had deodorant and toothbrushes for the staff to use, but that still didn’t do it for you. 

“How’d you fair in the snow? I saw your tweet last night,” she rested her arms on the wall of your desk, her chin falling to rest on top of them as she waited for your response. 

“Fine--the subway was shit but my roommate made a good dinner,” you said, dropping the details of your late night snack as you sipped at your coffee. “How ‘bout you?”

You turned to her now, offering her your full attention after checking to see yesterday’s story count. She rolled her eyes a bit. “Fine--I would have rather been at his concert, but whatever. You win some, you lose some.”

You smiled, Carly’s sense of humor was one of the main reasons you loved working here. She was friendly and funny and she was always in support of your desire to cover more real news. She’d been working there a whole year longer than you, and she regularly reminded you that eventually, you’d get to a place where you were covering the types of stories you had your eyes on. She also regularly reminded you that you were one of the most popular writers and regularly received the most digital fan-mail out of everyone on staff. 

You’d connected with her quickly after coming on board, and you were thankful for the fact that she was your go-to work buddy. Topic question? Carly could help. Needed to know whether or not it was cool to work in a conference room when you needed a change of scenery? Carly knew. 

She offered to grab lunch with you later on but soon left you alone at your desk, hunting through twitter to find some good topics for the day. Your phone buzzed beside you, signaling a message from Jessie. Your stomach knotted and you picked it up to unlock it. 

You’d messaged both her and Bryn this morning to inform them of the night’s events. While you might normally include Jake and Adam, you decided that the matter was best suited for the separate chat you had with your girlfriends: one that often had secrets and memes and emojis that weren’t necessarily appropriate to share with the boys. At least not these boys.

Y/N L/N (9:04am): Saw Harry last night….

Jessie Alby (9:26am): What?! How’d it go?? Was he in town?

Y/N L/N (9:26am): He texted me last night and asked if I wanted to go see him play somewhere. Brought my roommate. So weird. 

Y/N L/N (9:26am): And before you ask, no, he didn’t bring it up. 

Bryn Miller (9:27am): Hold on. Weird why? 

Y/N L/N (9:27am): Because we’re not really friends anymore! I haven’t seen him since that night and seriously even seeing him then was weird because he barely speaks to us now. 

Bryn Miller (9:28am): I mean, I’d probably have trouble keeping in touch if I were as busy as he is 🤷

Jessie Alby (9:32am): Still shitty of him. But it’s nice that he reached out!

Y/N L/N (9:34am): I didn’t even know he still had my number. I would have deleted it after that night if I were him 🙃 

Bryn Miller (9:35am): It wasn’t that bad, Y/N! If it makes you feel any better, you’re probably not the only person who’s done that to him.

Y/N L/N (9:36am): Not helpful!!!!!!

Jessie Alby (9:37am): So wait. Where did you leave it? Did he say he’d see us all soon?

Bryn Miller gave Jessie Alby’s message a thumbs up. 

Y/N L/N (9:40am): He said he would but he’s said that a thousand times. We’ll see!

Y/N L/N (9:40am): He did say that he’d love to see us all over Christmas 🎄

You set your phone down on your desk, staring at the photo of the three of you that was thumb-tacked to the side of your cubicle wall--a muted office-gray that reminded you of a stormy sky. It was pinned up beside a picture of all six of you: Jake, Bryn, Adam, you, Jessie, Harry at the end. You’d folded it over right between he and Jessie, fearful that coworkers would catch a glimpse and recognize the mop of curly hair. He looks familiar, they’d say. Is that Harry Styles? You know Harry Styles?! 

Before you started at The Scoop, you’d gone through your instagram and rid yourself entirely of any traces of him. Facebook was another matter--most photos of the two of you had been uploaded by others nearly ten years ago--but you’d untagged yourself and set your settings to as private as could be.

You looked back down at the screen of your phone. While the prospect of seeing Harry around the holidays seemed to excite both Bryn and Jessie, you couldn’t decide where you landed on the matter. 

Seeing him wouldn’t be miserable, you guessed, especially if it was with the rest of them. Two years ago there were too many people in Kenny Tilley’s basement, which is probably what led to you drinking more than you should have. A more contained setting with only the five other friends who’d seen your highs and lows felt more comfortable. Even if Harry was there.

So you put it on the back burner for now--not obsessing over whether or not you’d see him again and doing your best to quell the butterflies that erupted in your stomach when you thought about the fact that he’d thought of you and invited you and apparently didn’t hate your guts. It felt all too similar to being fifteen again. 

Later, you were sat at an afternoon meeting with Carly to your left as Whitney, your boss, detailed the new search engine optimization settings. Whitney was 35, single, and probably the coolest person you’d ever met. She oozed the type of confidence that you could only dream of, and being the Editor-In-Chief of The Scoop seemed like a sick gig. 

She wrote whatever she wanted, managed the other writers and editors, and still had time to go to hot yoga three times a week and run a wildly popular bagel-rating instagram account. She had dark brown hair and her lips were always the perfect shade of pink. She wore hoop earrings that were big enough to be bracelets. She was cool. 

On top of that, Whitney was caring and compassionate, never one to shame her employees on their mistakes or necessary areas of improvement. Talking with her about work made you excited and hopeful and made you feel like she believed in you. You knew she did.

Carly was busy doodling a flower on her notebook page when your phone buzzed. Harry’s name on your screen--even in it’s abbreviated form of Harry S--sent a jolt of panic down to the tips of your fingers as you reached for the phone and pulled it into your lap. 

She pulled her eyes up from the blue ink on her paper, a sideways glance before you mouthed sorry, and turned your attention back to Whitney’s speech on tagging. The aluminum shell of your phone felt like it was burning in your lap, especially when it buzzed for a second time. 

You flipped it over slyly, careful to not let Carly see your screen. 

Harry S (2:43pm): Tell your coworker Carly I liked her story this morning on my show last night 

Harry S (2:43pm) 🙂 

You shut it quickly, worried that if she saw her own name she’d only be more intrigued about the message. You turned it over in your lap again, eyes wide as you waited for a lull in the conversation to quietly excuse yourself to the bathroom. 

Your heart was pounding faster than it should, tiny thumps that matched your footsteps on the geometric carpet as you wove through other cubicles to find a private place. 

The truth of the matter was this: you’d been telling yourself one version of this story for the last two years. You embarrassed yourself in front of him, made a complete fool of yourself, really. So the narrative in your head was along the lines of this: he’d never want to speak to you again because you ruined a perfectly good friendship. 

The thought that he didn’t feel that way left beads of nervous sweat on your forehead as you found safety in an empty emergency exit stairwell. 

A door shut a few flights up. Voices echoed off of the concrete before another door opened, closed. You looked at the message again as your thumbs hovered over your phone’s keyboard.

With minimal thought, you created a string of syllables that maybe wasn’t exactly the nicest response you could have come up with. 

Y/N L/N (2:46pm): Definitely not telling her that. She doesn’t know I know you. 

You watched as the blue line danced it’s way across the top of the screen, the word beneath your message immediately turning to read. You waited for the three dots to appear, but instead, you were met with a vibrating phone and an obnoxious picture on your screen of Harry, age 16, standing in your mum’s kitchen with an apron on, fresh off a shift at the bakery.

“I’m at work,” you whispered into the phone after sliding your thumb along the bottom of the screen. 

“Oh, yeah, sorry--I just--you’re keeping me a secret?” You could hear the suggestive tone in his voice, causing you to roll your eyes as you ran a hand through your hair. He spoke again, a chuckle escaping his lips. “That’s hot.”

“Okay, ew, gross. Glad to see you’ve grown up over the last few years,” you spoke sarcastically, causing him to laugh harder now on the other end of the line. 

“Why don’t you want to tell people you know me? You’re that ashamed?”

You weren’t ashamed. You’d been proud and excited at first--your friend was successful and talented and was taking the world by storm. So what happened, people would ask. Why don’t you talk to him now? 

You didn’t have time to get into it with him. “Harry, I’m at work.” 

“Right--are you in the middle of something?”

“Yes, a meeting.”

“You’re in the middle of a meeting right now on the phone with me?”

You could hear the smirk on his lips. “Well, no.”

“So you don’t have five seconds for your longtime friend?”

Your eyes went wide at his label. Friend? Longtime? Neither felt necessarily true in the current moment, but you decided not to push it. 

You looked around the empty stairwell, left without a good excuse. “I mean--I can talk for a second, I guess.”

“What are you up to tonight? I had radio stuff this morning but I’m done now. Probably gonna nap for a bit to be honest,” he thought aloud. You were so content just listening to him talk that you didn’t respond. “D’ya want to do something? S’Friday.”

You made a face at him through the phone when he reminded you what day it was. You knew what day it was. You were a working adult. You had a calendar on your email server and a physical one on your desk. Another pause as you mulled over his proposal. 

“Y/N?” 

“Sorry, um, yeah--I guess so,” you said, knowing deep down that you wanted more than anything to hang out with him. You wanted it to feel normal and goofy and just plain fun--the way it felt before. 

The next question crawled up your throat and out of your mouth before you could really process it. “Can it be low key, though? Like--without paparazzi?”

He laughed to himself, you imagined that he had that shit-eating grin on, wherever he was. The backseat of a Chevy Suburban like last night, a dressing room, a hot tub filled with models. You didn’t know where he was and you decided you weren’t going to ask. “Yeah, Smalls. Got it. No paparazzi. So--midnight then?”

“Midnight?” You asked incredulously, your head pulling back from the phone in confusion.

“It’s New York City. There was no one out to see us last night because of the weather and the time. Pair that with the big coats and we were undercover, pretty much.”

“So we can only hang out at midnight now?” Some sort of sinking feeling in your stomach, you tried to swallow it away.

“If you really don’t want to be seen with me--which apparently is incredibly important to you,” he teased, a blush rising to your cheeks when he kept speaking. “This will have to be our secret.” 

Your heart did a flip. It was just you, Harry’s voice on the phone, and your adrenaline alone in the stairwell. “Okay.”

“Alright,” his voice was quieter now, almost as if he sensed the shift in the air, too. “Get back to work, then.” 

“Okay.”

“I’ll text you, and--yeah, we’ll figure something out.”

“Alright.”

“Bye, Smalls.”

“Bye, H.”

**

Alyssa fell asleep on the couch at 11:29pm just as the third consecutive Friends episode started. You got up quietly, pulled on a sweatshirt, then your coat on top of that. You slipped out the door and down to the foyer of your building where you waited on the front step. 

The snow had melted a bit from the night before, but the air was still cold enough to prompt you to pull your hood up over your ears. It was quiet in the Village for a Friday night, a couple passed by on their home from some type of evening out. Eventually, a taller figure with the same flat hat from the night before strode up to your steps. 

His head was down to block the cold, but when he lifted his eyes and met yours, you raised your brows in greeting. This prompted Harry to chuckle. 

He lifted his arms to motion to the emptiness around him, looking up at you from the sidewalk, gray cement beneath his black boots. “As promised--no paparazzi.”

You fought the smile that tried to creep onto your lips. “A rare sight, m’sure.”

He shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets as you climbed down the three steps to meet him at ground level. “Night time is usually the best for exploring, anyway.”

“Exploring?” you pulled a face. “You said yourself last night that you have an apartment. Haven’t you done enough exploring?”

“I can always do more.”

“Where’s your apartment from here, anyway?”

He threw a thumb over his shoulder. “Seven blocks up and one blocks west towards the river.”

Seven blocks up and one block west towards the river. That was practically your backyard. Instead of addressing the fact that he lived so close (and yet still didn’t bother to reach out), you started walking in that direction, he fell into step beside you. 

“How was work?”

“Fine, how was the radio stuff?” You used the term he’d applied earlier, looking up at him as you passed the wash and fold on the corner.

“I asked first,” he looked at you with knitted brows, playfully offended that you’d turned the question around. You seemed to have a habit of doing that. 

“It was fine. Had a meeting in the afternoon that you interrupted me from. Wrote seven different stories today. Most of them were lists. I hate lists.”

“You hate lists?”

You looked both ways before crossing the street. A few cars passed by and Harry seemed to shrink into his jacket--you didn’t know if it was to avoid the cold or avoid being recognized. 

“Hate them,” you nodded. “It’s all I write. Dumb lists about dream vacations or things I’d rather be doing at any given moment. People love them, though.”

He laughed a little bit, eyeing you sideways as you made contact with the sidewalk on the other side. “If people love them then why do you hate them?” 

“Because I want to write real news!” 

“I think you are writing real news,” he said quietly, clearly deep in thought about your statement. You passed by Walker Park and he looked down at you. “That list you did--10 things we know about Ariana Grande’s new music video--that’s real news. Everything she does is news.”

You let out a small laugh, appreciative of his reassurance. He’d always been kind and thoughtful, but his words crawled into your heart as you waited for the walk-sign to flash white above your head. 

“I guess I just want to cover more than just that.” 

He nodded, his lips pushing out told you he was still pondering your words. You felt uncomfortable, so as you entered into the crosswalk, you changed the subject to his day.

He told you about the radio hosts he’d sat with, the questions they asked. His eyes wrinkled at the sides when he talked about the nice things his fans said on twitter. Three more blocks, then a big glass door with a doorman out front. Harry stopped short. 

“This is my building.”

“It’s--” you searched for the word like it was hidden in sand at the beach, your formal education in wordsmithing suddenly out the window when confronted with the smooth lines and modern accents. “Nice.”

“We don’t have to go in,” he shrugged, looking down at you. 

You spoke at the same time as he did, again. 

“We can go in.”

“We can keep walking,” a change of direction for him when he heard your words. “Yeah, no, I can give you a tour.”

You wondered about his walk on the way over. Did he listen to music in headphones like most millennials heading for a friend’s place? Did he count the yellow taxis that passed by, slipping into the night as their shifts came to an end?

He greeted the doorman by name and unbuttoned his coat as you waited for the lift. He told you he bought the apartment in April, claiming he stayed in hotels or at a friend’s place when he was in town before that. 

He swiped a card and pressed a button, and when the elevator opened, you were face to face with the back of a brown leather couch and two rustic end tables. Round-top windows across the room showed the night sky, white-oak floors sat beneath an oriental rug. 

“Wow,” you stepped forward, assuming, since he seemed pretty comfortable, that the lift had actually deposited you straight into his apartment. 

“Yeah, well, can’t take credit for the decorating. My mom and Gemma helped--and Erica, too, actually.”

He took off his coat and set it on the couch, leaning against it as you stood in the center of the room. The lift closed behind you, a hum of a mechanical sound let you know it was slinking down it’s shaft. 

Before long you were settled on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand, Harry in a chair to your left with his ankle resting on his knee. He dressed in black from head to toe--his shirt, his pants, his shoes. 

“So the rats are the worst part,” he laughed, his fingers running through his hair as he looked up at the ceiling. “Makes sense.”

“I didn’t really buy it at first--you hear people say they’re terrible but until you see one pulling a piece of pizza up a staircase in the subway station, you just don’t understand.”

“May or may not take over the city, kind of thing.” 

You let out a belly laugh, throwing your head back as he smiled over at you, swirling his wine in his glass. “Exactly. But I guess the best part is just,” you exhaled a big breath, wondering how to sum up your love for dirty, tough, soul sucking New York City. “My friends here, and Alyssa, and my job.”

He tilted his head to the side, eyes scanning over you for a second. When he spoke, his voice was quiet--curious--and almost like he didn’t want to know the answer. “Do you ever miss home?”

“Holmes Chapel?” You said it as if you weren’t quite sure where home was. You thought of the fields, the small downtown and the roads that led you out of that universe. “Not really.”

He nodded, tugging at his lower lip. 

“I mean, I miss the people, of course. My parents, my sister. My house. Not the town, really.”

He hummed a noise of understanding, a sip from his wine as he stared at the eggshell white ceiling. “I do.”

He didn’t bring his eyes back down to you. Instead he avoided your gaze, giving you permission to study his features as if you hadn’t studied them your whole life. As if even now, when you saw him on a magazine cover, you didn’t pause for a second to evaluate the eyes looking back at you or the one piece of his hair that always seemed to fall onto his forehead. 

When he let his eyes trail back to you, your lips curled upwards. “We left on different terms, I guess.”

His eyebrows rose and fell, a look of amusement crossing his face. 

“While you were signing record deals I was finishing a-levels.”

It wasn’t the first time the thought had crossed your mind. There were other moments like this when the differences between your life and Harry’s felt incredibly staggering. Like when you found out he was dating Taylor Swift. Or when you learned he’d met Paul McCartney. 

There were always small reminders that the two of you existed in separate worlds, even if those worlds hadn’t collided in a long time. 

“I meant what I said last night, y’know.” He watched you closely, his eyes an emerald green in the dark lighting of his posh living room. “About being a shit friend.”

You didn’t know what to say. He was a shit friend at times. But so were you. At least, you had been that night. You remembered the time he helped you roll your bicycle back to your house after you got a flat tire at Jessie’s. Year 7. 

You remembered the time he warned you that Peter Moore was going to ask you to the school dance and pretended to be your date so you didn’t have to go with him. 

But then you also remembered when he missed Adams birthday party because he got drunk the night before with Ed Sheeran and couldn’t bother to call. You also remembered when he didn’t text Jake after his grandma died because he was in Tokyo. 

You understood that fame happened. You didn’t ever expect him to pass up his chance--especially seeing as you’d always known how talented he was. But sitting here, with your feet on his couch and a snow-covered New York outside, you just wished he’d kept in touch. 

“I get it,” was all you said. 

He kept his eyes trained on you, and you wondered what it would be like if he’d never left. Maybe he would have moved to London like the rest of you did. Or maybe his fate had long been determined. All you knew, as you watched him tilt his wine glass back to finish the last sip, was that you wished life was like a snowglobe. One that you could shake, and drop, and flip upside down to watch the snow and glitter dance, the scene inside completely still, never to change. 

** 

You felt uncomfortable in the Chevy Suburban by yourself that night, the heat on high because you made small talk with the driver about how cold the night air was. A text from Harry saying he enjoyed your night together was the last thing you saw before closing your eyes in bed. 

You reasoned with yourself at the kitchen table the next morning over a bowl of oatmeal. Maybe being his friend wasn’t terrible--you’d done it before and maybe it would be just like that. Maybe you could keep your teenage feelings in check. 

You’d barely gotten a bite of breakfast down before your phone buzzed beside you, a FaceTime call from Jessie coming through. 

“Good morning,” you laughed after swiping your thumb across the screen to answer the call. 

Jessie--her auburn hair up in a bun and the freckles on her cheeks more present than ever--had her face smushed up against Bryn’s. 

“Hi Brynie,” you waved your spoon at them, knowing full well what they were calling about. 

After a second glass of wine, Harry had decided to send a snapchat of the two of you--your cheeks smushed together just like your friends’ were, now--to the rest of the group. 

“Good morning my arse--you’re lucky we waited until a decent hour to call you and demand some fucking answers, woman,” Jessie’s accent was thick, her energy palpable through the phone as Bryn let out a laugh. 

“What she means is, how was your night?”

You rolled your eyes. “It was fine--I don’t know why he suddenly wants to hang out with me.”

“And he seriously still hasn’t brought it up?” Jessie’s eyebrows pointed together like an arrow. 

“Nope,” you popped the ‘p,’ adjusting in your seat as you took another bite of your breakfast. Mushy oatmeal wasn’t necessarily your first choice, but you hadn’t been shopping since the beginning of the week. You and Alyssa had planned on heading to the grocer down the block, but that was only if she ever woke up. 

“I mean, I also have avoided the conversation like the plague, to be fair. M’not about to just say, ‘hey, remember that night when I was really drunk and acted like a fucking idiot?’”

“I don’t think he thinks it was that bad,” Bryn tried to reassure you. 

“Right!” You let out a quick laugh, careful to not be too loud in your quiet apartment. The morning was still somewhat untouched. Unopened mail on the coffee table, the candle Alyssa had bought a few weeks ago still uncapped beside it. 

The blanket your roommate had fallen asleep with the night before was still balled up on the couch. You wondered what time she made the semi-unconscious trek from this room to her bed. You didn’t know because you were busy drinking wine with Harry and pretending that all of this wasn’t weird. 

“Listen,” you told them. “I don’t know why he wants to hang out with me or where his head is at about that night, but--I don’t know--I’m just trying to be normal.”

Jessie raised her eyebrows, a small smile coming across her face. You could read her mind. After being friends with her for more than half of your life, you knew exactly what she was thinking when she opened her mouth, looked at you, looked away, and then closed it.

“Just say it, Jessie,” you rolled your eyes, another spoonful of oatmeal into your mouth, waiting for her lecture to ensue.

“I dunno, Y/N, I just think that you and Harry--” she looked over to Bryn, who immediately continued on for her. 

“You might always have a schoolgirl crush on him, and we just, we don’t want you to get hurt again.”

You licked at your lips, your eyes falling to the wood of your kitchen table. Knots of dark maple stared back at you, providing no insight or guidance on how to respond to the sudden shift in the conversation.

“I know,” you said quietly. 

You hadn’t meant to get hurt the first time. It wasn’t your fault that the week you finally had the guts to tell him how you felt was the same week he left for bootcamp. You thought he’d be home in a few weeks--those shows didn’t really make people famous, right? Certainly not your friend with an obnoxiously loud laugh and a penchant for using embarrassing nicknames. 

So maybe you sulked around for a while after he left, especially when it became clear he wasn’t coming back. 

The first call was to tell you he’d been rejected, but, wait for it, there was good news. A group was formed. You and Adam joked about how long it would take for one of Harry’s new bandmates to punch him when they realized how annoying he could be. 

A call a few weeks in had him excitedly telling you that he was going to Spain. Then he was moving into the house, then they made it further and further each week. The calls slowed down and soon the majority of your interaction with him happened through a telly screen. 

You’d sit around in Bryn’s living room, smacking Jake on the head with a pillow whenever he talked too loud, arguing that you all needed to pay close attention, voting as much as your mobiles would allow. While Jessie and Bryn were totally in the know about your growing crush for one of your best mates, Jake and Adam remained relatively in the dark. 

He was home that first Christmas, telling exciting stories of the celebrities he’d met and the places he’d been, casually letting it slip that he’d lost his virginity and was likely moving to London--the band was going to try to go even further. 

You’d kind of given up at that point, recognizing that your lives were two threads being pulled in opposite directions. While you’d once been part of the same cloth, you were building your own tapestries now. 

So you let it go. Bryn and Jessie offered their love and support and everyone kept going with their own academic endeavors. You’d see him at holidays or maybe once in the summer when the band came through town, laughing in empty venue hallways and being ushered to the best seats in the house. You’d have a glass of wine or a pint when you knew you’d be seeing him, quelling the nervous knot in your stomach that often lodged in your throat. 

“He still calls me Smalls,” you said, pulling your eyes up to see them again as a smirk tugged at your lips. “Such a stupid nickname.”

“S’not stupid,” Bryn objected, her face twisting into one of irritation. “S’cute--and Adam and Jake still call you that sometimes too.”

“S’different coming from Harry,” Jessie answered for you, a silence passed and you let your spoon clank against your bowl as you set it down. 

“He knows he’s been a shit friend, by the way. Both nights he’s admitted it to me, so, I think he feels guilty, I guess.”

“I mean, I get it, y’know. I get that he’s been way too busy and running in a thousand directions.” Bryn shrugged her shoulders and let a sigh escape between her lips. 

“But it’d be nice if he could at least see us when he’s home, respond in the group, text us on our birthdays,” you finished for her, knowing by heart the places in your life where he was missing. 

**

You’d done your grocery shopping, cleaned the bathroom, and you were now seated on the couch in a pair of sweatpants. Slivers of nail polish fell down like the snowflakes from two days before as your thumb scratched wildly against your pointer finger. 

Alyssa was seated on the floor in front of you, rifling through a bin of DVDs--artifacts of her teen years. “Mean Girls, Sleepover--that one’s a throwback,” her messy bun pulled wisps of her loose brown hair away from her face. 

A knock on the door had her leaping to her feet, a look on curiosity crossing her face as she danced on bare feet towards the door. She pressed her eye to the peephole, her face a ghostly white as she turned around and pushed her back to the door, barricading it shut. “Harry Styles is at our door.”

“What? Why?” You stood from the couch, crossing your arms over your chest as you closed the distance between the two of you. 

“Oh, he called and said he was going to stop by for tea,” she whispered at you, sarcasm dripping from her words as she stepped aside so you could take a look for yourself. “If celebrities are going to start showing up at our door we need warnings, Y/N!”

“I didn’t know he was coming--he didn’t say anything!” You pulled the door open before she could respond, revealing Harry, hands in his pockets, leaning back on his heels. An awkward smile on his face as he spoke.

“I’ll try and give a better warning, next time,” he made eye contact with Alyssa, playfully letting you both know that he heard every word you’d said. 

But that was nothing compared to the level of embarrassment you were used to when it came to Harry and things that came out of your mouth. So, you looked him up and down, noticing that he was dressed more formally than the night before. Same black pants, but this time a black button down shirt, undone just enough at the top to show flecks of black ink on his chest. 

You reached forward and tugged at the fabric, pulling him into the apartment and closing the door behind him swiftly. “Did you walk in the front door? Did anyone see you?”

He smoothed out his shirt with a frown when you let go of him, Alyssa staring wide eyed at the two of you when he responded. “Someone was walking out and held the door, didn’t even look up, though, s’New York, for you.”

You padded over to the window on the opposite side of the room, looking down at the street below. The last thing you needed was a photo linking you and Harry together. Young journalist uses childhood friend for career success, they’d say. 

“No paparazzi,” Harry answered for you as he hung his coat on the back of your front door. 

He was right--there was no sign of lenses or flashing lights on the curb below, just white cigarette butts and hardened sidewalk gum. You turned to face him, still completely uncertain why he was standing in your living room at 5:30pm on a Saturday.

You didn’t have to say that, though, because he soon offered an answer. “I uh--I was gonna go to a concert tonight, was just wondering if you wanted to come. You, too, Alyssa,” he turned to your roommate, who’s eyes were wide despite the smile on her face. 

You cleared your throat, hoping to make Alyssa snap back into her regularly functioning self. Harry brought his eyes to you. “Sara Bareilles--do you know her?”

“Do we know her!” Alyssa laughed, her excitement only growing as you made your way to the couch. “I cried so hard to Love Song in the shower when I was twelve.”

Harry chuckled at this, letting his eyes settle on you. Alyssa did the same--clearly hoping that you’d acquiesce.  

You stuttered over your words, uncomfortable with the power they were both affording you. “What--I don’t--we’re just supposed to tag along to her concert? Do you have three tickets?”

“She invited me,” he shrugged. “Said I could bring friends.”

“Bring friends?” You repeated his words, letting that sink in. Right, okay. This is how it was to be a celebrity. Free things, show up places and get VIP treatment. “How do you know her?”

“Her manager is friends with Erica. Saw her at a party about a week ago.”

“Y/N, we have to go. It’s Sara Bareilles. She’s like, on Broadway and is amazing.” 

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to go. If anything, a Sara Bareilles concert with Alyssa was something you would have jumped at a few days prior. Adding Harry to the mix--and using him as the ticket in--felt weird.

“You really think it’d be okay with we come?” Alyssa turned to Harry, shoving her hands into the front pocket of her maroon sweatshirt. 

He nodded, his eyes flickering back to you. “S’fine, if you’re busy.”

“We’re not busy,” you said, letting a sigh brush past your lips. “I just feel bad, I don’t want to use you for tickets.”

“I’m inviting you,” he laughed, walking to sit beside you on the couch. “And I’ll make you a deal, Smalls. You can totally buy me a drink when we’re there.”

You rolled your eyes, simultaneously bothered and enchanted by the way he winked at you. 

**

You’d been to Irving Plaza before. You’d seen two shows: one with Alyssa and one on a bad Tinder date. The bar that they had inside was decent (thank god, especially for that date) and the bathroom stalls were covered in drunken sharpie doodles. It was right next to Union Square, making it accessible and easy to find. 

Tonight, however, instead of shuffling through subway gates and dark tunnels, you’d been dropped off by the same man in the same black Chevy Suburban and you learned his name was Roger. 

Erica met the three of you in the back--an alleyway entrance that seemed much less glamorous than you’d imagined fame to be. She gave you a hug this time, seemingly excited to have two civilians along for the night. You wondered what her life was like: did she have to schedule Harry’s dates with models and influencers? Did she have to memorize their phone numbers or worse, their astrological signs or favorite colors? She must have had tons of awkward encounters with beautiful and boring girls--ones who were latching on to Harry for the money or the fame, or, apparently, the free invites to concerts. 

Harry’s manager, Jeff, made an appearance backstage when you and Alyssa were busy photographing the signed posters of previous acts that hung on the white cement wall. Snapchatting them to Bryn and Jessie seemed like an obnoxious, yet totally acceptable thing to do. You couldn’t explain why Harry was suddenly interested in being friends again, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t enjoy it. 

The most exciting moment pre-concert was when Alyssa subtly grabbed your hand, nearly cutting off circulation as Sara greeted both Erica and Harry with a kiss on the cheek. She introduced herself to Jeff and then to you and Alyssa before offering to take a picture, one that Harry insisted on being in. She left the group behind to finish preparing for her show, thanking you all for coming and promising to play Harry’s favorite song. 

And you learned something else: famous people wait for the lights go down in a venue before heading to their post. They slink in between bodies and find a secluded corner to spend their night, sending others to the bar so they don’t have to risk being seen. 

Which was fine, you owed Harry a drink anyway. So you got five Moscow Mules and headed back to the group before doling them out. One for Harry, one for Alyssa, one for Erica, one for Jeff, and one for you. 

You measured the night in songs, wondering how many you’d sing along to before having to part ways with the boy with a big smile and an even bigger heart. Alyssa, with her drink up to her lips, wiggled her eyebrows at you as if she knew exactly what you were thinking. 

You figured she probably did. 

So when Harry slinked an arm around your shoulder, drunkenly swaying to the music, you let yourself relax. He wouldn’t--no, couldn’t--do this if he really hated you, right? December 29th was a night that you both likely wished to forget, but if he really felt like you’d ruined your friendship, he certainly wouldn’t invite you to a concert, get drunk on Moscow Mules, and then whisper into your hair that he was glad you were here. 

Which is what you told yourself the entire ride home, hoping to counteract the anxiety that the liquor brought on. Alyssa giggled in the backseat and swiped through photos of the show on her phone, showing them to Harry, beaming like a proud parent. She slipped into her bedroom after you all rode up in the elevator, insisting that she was exhausted and sleep-deprived, but you knew it wasn’t that. She hoped that more alcohol and late night chatting would lend itself to a different night entirely, one that you knew wasn’t possible between two people like you and Harry. 

So when her bedroom door shut and the both of you were left standing awkwardly in the middle of your living room, you offered the only solution you could think of: wine.

“Does it turn on?” you heard him call from the living room as you sifted through the drawers in the kitchen. Spatula, no, can opener, no. Your hand landed on the wine opener, pulling it out of the heap of other kitchen utensils before rounding the corner back towards the couch. 

“Hmm?” the bottle clinked against the glasses in your arm as you tried to deliver them all safely to the surface of the coffee table. 

“The Christmas tree,” he said, but you didn’t see him. 

He’d left his spot on the couch--trading it for a place beside the tree--kneeling and reaching for the wire in the back as he tried to shove it into the socket. 

“Oh, yeah, just--”

He succeeded before you could give him any pointers, the room illuminated in different shades of greens, reds, yellows, and blues. He turned his head to look at you before getting up, a smug twitch of his lips as you let out a laugh. 

“I’m quite handy, y’know,” he said casually, pushing himself off of the floor before sinking into the couch. “Leaky faucet? I’m your man.”

You rolled your eyes as you cut open the foil around the cork, his eyes on your fingers as you inserted the screw, fighting a smile. “I’ve got a super, but thanks.”

“A super?”

“Superintendent. S’a person who lives in the building and does all of the handy work. New York thing, maybe.”

“Your loss,” he reached for the wine glasses and held them up, letting you tip the bottle into them. 

You cheersed and took a sip, the quiet of the room settling around you as he lifted an ankle to rest on his knee. “I talked to Adam the other day.”

You didn’t mean to make a face like it surprised you, but it happened before you could stop it. 

“You act like he wouldn’t answer my calls or something,” he laughed, clearly amused by your intrigue.

“No, it’s not--” a sigh as you searched for the right phrasing. “I just know he misses you. Jake, too.”

“Yeah--well, was good to talk to him. I told him we’d been hanging out. He said he already knew.” He smiled at you playfully, using his words to accuse you of talking behind his back.

You bit your lip and gave a dismissive blink of your eyes. “S’not my fault I keep in touch,” the  words fell out of your mouth, landing in the air between you, maybe too harsh. 

He was quiet for a second, nodding slowly. “I’ll text them all tomorrow. We’ll set something up for the holidays. When are you back, again?”

“The 20th.”

“Eleven days,” he thought aloud. “We should fly together.”

“Together?”

“Yeah--I know you already booked, maybe you can get credit or something to change flights or seats.” He rested his head on the back of the couch, his eyes closing for a moment.

“When are you going?”

“‘Round then as well. I can have Erica look into it tomorrow,” he said. 

You let it go, too tired to push or pull or do anything besides listen to him tell you about his time off. He’d been busy with tour and promo and all the things that apparently came along with his lifestyle. He was excited for some down time. Family meals, hometown pubs, and you believed him when he said you’d be a part of it. 

While there had previously been a don’t ask, don’t tell attitude about him being back home, it felt different. He promised to see your parents and to head to Red Lion with the gang, a smile through sleepy eyes after a half hour of planning.

“You should go,” you laughed at him, reaching forward to take the empty wine glass from his hand.

He pushed his lips out, his eyes glued on a framed picture of you and your sister. “Don’t wanna.”

“Don’t wanna?” Your lips quirked upwards, unaware that he had a say in the matter.

He turned to look at you. “M’having fun, Smalls.”

It dawned on you then that he was tired and slightly intoxicated. Maybe not the worst you’d ever seen him, but definitely a little buzzed.

“Well, bedtime. And you can’t stay here.”

Another frown, his eyes flashing to yours quickly. You tried not to overthink it. 

“Come on,” you said, standing from the couch to fetch his coat from the hook on the door. He made a face at that--one that looked bothered and disappointed all at once. He pulled himself off of the cushions, as if every movement was painful and exhausting. 

“Dunno if I’ll make it,” his accent was thick, you didn’t know if it was the wine or the lack of sleep, likely both. He took a few steps towards you and reached for his jacket, taking it from your arms and shrugging it on. 

You watched him for a second, the dim light of the Christmas tree kept the room glowing and warm. The stubble on his chin looked more pronounced than yesterday, his eyes a deeper green in the night. 

“You’ll make it,” you said quietly, the words barely above a whisper as he shoved his hands into his pockets. 

He looked down at you, blinked twice, and leaned forward to press a kiss to your forehead. “I’ll call you in the morning, yeah?”

He didn’t need to. He didn’t need to call you or text you or even promise to see you again if he didn’t want to. But you didn’t say that. You swallowed the anxiety that lodged in your throat, the voice that gnawed and chanted two years too late as he stepped around you.

“Okay,” you said. 

He pulled the door open, offering another smile before pulling it shut. You heard his footsteps head for the stairs, only four flights down to the sidewalk out front. 

There was no car, no Roger. He didn’t call ahead. You wondered if he liked walking the snowy streets, and you wondered if he’d also trace the night in reverse, each step until now. You wondered what he’d say if you brought it up. 

You wondered, but you decided you could live with the not knowing as you climbed into cool sheets and clamped your eyelids shut.

read the other parts here

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[artificialqueens]

You Know You Love Me, Chapter 4 (Branjie) - Kiki

A/N: Not me thinking i could upload every three days lol sorry there was a bit of a wait for this chapter but college is attempting to kill me off on a daily basis. Regardless, hope you enjoy and chapter 5 should be up in a couple of days! 

Summary: Brooke Lynn Hytes returns to New York City after being shipped off to boarding school and her ex best friend, Vanessa Mateo, isn’t too happy about it…which would be bad enough, but add in the fact that they’re lowkey in love with each other. (Gossip Girl AU)

1 year ago

The dim lights of Brooke’s dorm room reflected her mood almost perfectly. She was alive, yes. But she didn’t feel as alive as she used to. She didn’t feel the joy she used to feel when she was with Vanessa or the annoyance she used to feel when she’d fight with her mother. She just felt…numb.

Boarding school had not been what Brooke had expected. She thought it would be full of boring people from small towns in the middle of nowhere that she would have nothing in common with. So when she had actually made some pretty cool friends on her first day, she was surprised.

The girl she had become closest to was named Kameron. She was from Nashville and although Brooke had thought she was nothing but an extremely shy girl who never spoke the first few times they met, she had soon learned that once you got to know her, Kameron had an amazing personality. It also didn’t help that she was extremely hot, too.

They were lying on Brooke’s double bed passing a bottle of Don Julio tequila back and forth. Brooke Lynn had been shocked when Kameron had produced the large bottle from her bag, mostly because that particular brand was known to be very expensive, but also because she didn’t think Kameron was that kind of girl.

She had promised her mom that she would stay away from alcohol while she was there. That was one of the main reasons she was here, anyways. Her mom was concerned with her drinking habits. But one night couldn’t hurt, right?

Brooke Lynn knew she was a pretty girl and never really cared too much when guys hit on her (which happened often). But when girls hit on her, she was always shocked. Also confused. But mainly shocked. She had been picking up on Kameron’s little flirty comments every now and then. But she had been embarrassed by mistaking too many straight girls’ compliments for flirting in the past so she had learned to stop reciprocating anything until she knew for sure that the other girl was interested…and when she saw how Kameron was looking at her after a few shots, she knew for sure. Kameron was definitely interested.

Usually, something like this would excite Brooke. A hot girl liking her back? She had hit the ultimate lesbian jackpot. So why was she currently drunk crying about Vanessa?

“I just don’t know why I didn’t tell her I’m in love with her, Kam. I love her sooo much. Like, more than I’ve ever loved anything,” Brooke rambled on and on for a long time, not noticing how Kameron was frequently rolling her eyes whenever Brooke wasn’t looking. “And like, I know it wouldn’t work out because she’s so far in the closet and she probably won’t ever come out but Kam, I wanna be with her so bad.”

“Yeah, you’ve mentioned…” Kameron sounded annoyed as she took a large sip from the bottle. She had come here to seduce Brooke Lynn Hytes and so far, all she had got was Brooke whining about some girl she never even dated.

“And she’s so beautiful too. She’s got these gorgeous big brown eyes that could make you do whatever she wanted. And her hair is always so shiny and soft and it always smells like coconut and vanilla. And her skin is golden brown and so smooth and perfect. I miss her so much, Kameron.” Brooke started to sob uncontrollably, her face buried in her pillow.

Kameron patted her back awkwardly in an attempt to comfort the blonde but it was unsuccessful. She took another sip of the tequila and tried breathing deeply in an effort to calm herself down. She came here for one thing and one thing only…and if there’s one thing everyone should know about Kameron Michaels: she always gets what she wants.

A few moments had passed and Brooke stopped crying. She looked in the mirror in front of her and wiped the tears from her face, already seeming a lot more sober than she had just a few minutes ago. A blush crept up on her cheeks as she realised how stupid she must look in front of her new friend, but Kameron was just smiling innocently at her.

“I know it must be hard, B, but now that you’ve let it all out, you can try and move on.” Kameron said, touching Brooke’s forearm lightly.

Brooke narrowed her eyes in confusion at Kameron’s words. Move on? Why would she want to move on? She was in love with someone who might love her, or at the very least, like her back…shouldn’t that be something worth hanging onto?

“Sorry for ruining the night, Kam. I totally understand if you wanna leave—”

Kameron interrupted Brooke by crawling towards her and leaned in, invading Brooke’s personal space.

“The night isn’t over yet, Brooke,” she said with a devilish smirk on her face. “You need to focus on what’s right in front of you instead of being so worked up about someone who’s not even here.” Her hands went up to Brooke’s cheek and she lightly stroked her thumb across it.

“Kameron, I can’t do this with you…” Brooke said half-heartedly.

“Sure you can. You need a rebound and I’m happy to sacrifice myself to make you happy.” Brooke knew deep down that nobody, not even Kameron, would compare to Vanessa…but she felt so empty. Was it so bad for her to do something that could potentially make her feel something again? She knew it was most likely the tequila that was clouding her judgement. She knew she would never think of accepting Kameron’s offer if she was sober. But she did it anyway. Brooke placed her hand over Kameron’s and pulled her in slowly.

“If we do this, it’s a one-time thing.” Brooke whispered. Kameron nodded, seemingly not listening to her, and wrapped her arms around Brooke’s neck, pulling their bodies together as close as humanly possible. Their lips met and Brooke instantly noted that her lips weren’t as soft as Vanessa’s. The kiss was messy. It felt rushed and out of sync and Brooke wasn’t even sure if she wanted to keep going, but something deep down in her reminded her that this was the first time she’s felt anything in a long time. She could at least try and pretend that Kameron was Vanessa.

Kameron pushed Brooke down so she was lying on her back and straddled her waist. They continued making out at a fast pace while Kameron’s hands roamed Brooke’s body at a very quickly. As Kameron began to suck on her neck, Brooke knew that this would never happen with Kameron again.

The only thing that she felt was that she missed Vanessa even more. Trying to get over her was a stupid move. She didn’t think she would ever get over Vanessa, let alone have another chance to be with her…and nothing made her feel as sad as that realisation.

—

Now:

Spotted: Vanessa and Brooke having a day out on the town. These two trendsetters were seen in almost every boutique on the Upper East Side. Is there a special event coming up or were these two besties just reconnecting? Keep me updated. XOXO, Gossip Girl.

Brooke’s bedroom was filled with her two favourite things: Vanessa and shopping bags. It was their first day hanging out since Brooke Lynn had been back from boarding school. They were finally talking to each other again, they had kissed and made up and everything seemed to be going very well.

They had spent the day doing things that they used to do all the time. They got coffee and walked around in Central Park, they went shopping and spent a ton of their parent’s money and Brooke even surprised Vanessa with a trip to her favourite French restaurant since Brooke Lynn knew that Vanessa loved anything related to France.

There was a bit of an awkward energy between them but neither of them brought it up. Ever since they had kissed a couple of days ago, they hadn’t kissed again. It was all both of the girls had thought about since they went home that night and they both wanted to do it again, but the right moment hadn’t presented itself.

Sure, Brooke had thought about doing it when Vanessa brought her favourite coffee order (an iced americano with hazelnut syrup and oat milk). She had also contemplated doing it when they were in one of Vanessa’s favourite accessory stores and she was overwhelmed with how cute Vanessa was when she was visibly excited about the new headbands they had in stock.

Vanessa seemed to be having more trouble than Brooke was with physically restraining herself. All she wanted to do was make out with Brooke at any given moment throughout the day but she didn’t want to risk anyone seeing. The thought of people finding out she was gay terrified her…and she knew she would never forgive herself if the reason that people found out was because she was impulsive and couldn’t control herself around Brooke Lynn. She ended up having to calm herself down and settle for lingering touches and flirty looks thrown in Brooke’s direction, and they ended up having a lovely day that on the outside, made them look like any other normal teenage best friends.

Brooke was hanging some of the new clothing items she had just bought up in her closet while Vanessa was sitting on Brooke’s bed, making herself comfortable by laying back on the fluffy pillows and kicking her heels off.

“I forgot how damn comfy your bed is.” Vanessa said while removing her headband and snuggling up under the covers.

“And I forgot how often you used to fall asleep in my bed even though you claim to never be tired.” Brooke replied and Vanessa’s eyes shot open immediately.

“I’m not gonna fall asleep, I was just resting my eyes…” Vanessa said non-committedly while Brooke took her shoes off and got in the bed beside her.

“Sure you’re not, V…” Some of Vanessa’s hair had spread onto Brooke’s side of the bed so she began to stroke it. Vanessa sighed a deep sigh of contentment and tried to not let her eyes close. She hadn’t felt this relaxed in a very long time.

“I missed this.” Vanessa whispered as Brooke began to stroke her cheek.

“I missed you.” Brooke replied, earning a massive smile from Vanessa in return.

“So when are you gonna tell me all about boarding school?” Vanessa asked, leaning up on her elbow so that she was looking down at Brooke with an eyebrow raised. Brooke lay flat on her back and sighed.

“There’s not much to tell, really. I went to class, studied so they didn’t call my mom and tell her I was failing and the weather was awful. You would’ve hated it.”

“Hold up, am I hearing this right? You studied?” Vanessa asked with her mouth open in shock, which caused both of the girls to giggle.

“I had to, my mom made it super clear that if I didn’t get good grades, I wouldn’t be able to come back to New York so that was my motivation. Trust me, I hated every minute of it.”

“That’s the main reason she sent you there, right? Because of your grades?” Vanessa asked with a sad tone to her voice. Even though she had Brooke back in her life, she still hadn’t gotten over her leaving. She knew it would take time to fully heal, but she wished she could focus on enjoying her time with Brooke instead of focusing on when she wasn’t there.

“Yeah…that and the drinking. I also think she just wanted to live by herself for a bit and not have to worry about looking after a kid so she just shipped me off. I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner, to be honest.” Brooke was surprised with herself for revealing so much information without being asked. She hadn’t had a conversation with Vanessa for so long that she forgot how easy it was for them to open up to each other.

“I’m sure that’s not true, B…your mom loves you a lot.” Vanessa replied as she took Brooke’s hand in hers and stroked her thumb gently.

“I know…but sometimes her ways of dealing with things are a little bit shitty. Like, if I didn’t know any better I’d say she was a robot because of how emotionless she is.”

“You can say that again, my mom just jets off to Paris to avoid dealing with her shit here. And when things get bad over there, she comes back or goes to another European city. How did we end up with more emotional maturity than our parents?” Vanessa asked and Brooke laughed in response.

“You think that the two girls who didn’t talk to each other for an entire year due to stubbornness are emotionally mature?” Brooke continued to laugh and Vanessa rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, but at least we knew that was wrong. They don’t see any problems with what they’re doing.” She replied with a smug look on her face, knowing she was right.

“I guess you have a point there,” Brooke said as she pulled Vanessa closer to her so they could cuddle. “Have you seen your dad recently?”

“No…he said he was only going to France for a few months but…I don’t think he’s coming back anytime soon.”

“I’m sorry, V.” Brooke said as Vanessa’s head rested on her shoulder.

“It’s okay…I’m used to it,” Vanessa said quietly. She moved her head slightly up so that she was looking directly into Brooke’s eyes. Vanessa noticed how Brooke’s entire facial expression immediately softened as soon as they locked eyes and she started to feel overcome with emotion. “Just promise me you’ll never leave me again…” Vanessa whispered, still keeping eye contact with Brooke. Brooke let out a large exhale and cupped Vanessa’s cheek with her hand.

“I’ll never leave you, Ness. I promise.” Brooke said it with so much conviction that Vanessa was almost sure she would start crying, but she was unable to finish that thought as Brooke had leaned in to kiss her. The kiss was all consuming and managed to take Vanessa’s mind off of everything she had previously been worrying about. She allowed herself to focus solely on kissing Brooke Lynn, and she did it like her life depended on it.

—

2 years ago:

It was the fourteenth of December, one of Vanessa’s favourite nights of the winter season; the night of her infamous sleepover.

Teenage girls on the Upper East Side would make it their goal in life to get an invite to Vanessa Mateo’s sleepover. Even if they hadn’t been before, the stories they would have heard from other girls who had previously been had made the desire build in them and all they wanted was a chance to experience it for themselves.

Of course, getting an invite wasn’t that easy. Vanessa had extremely high standards and was very picky with who she let into her home. The only three people who had always managed to make the list every year were Brooke Lynn, Silky and Akeria. Other than that, the invite list changed drastically every year.

This year, there were ten girls in attendance, including Vanessa herself. They had just finished eating their three-course dinner and had prank called a ton of girls from school who had tried to get an invite but were unsuccessful. While Vanessa would have been happy to just sit around and gossip for a bit, Akeria had another idea that got all of the girls excited.

“Let’s play spin the bottle!” Akeria announced, already searching for something they could use as a makeshift bottle to play with. Vanessa noticed how her heart started to beat just a tiny bit faster, but she couldn’t let anyone know she was nervous. Not at her own party.

Akeria grabbed Vanessa’s reusable water bottle and instructed everyone to form a circle. Vanessa sat down on the floor beside Silky and Brooke Lynn grabbed a pillow from the couch and sat beside her.

Akeria started the first round of the game by spinning the bottle and it landed on Scarlet Envy, a very popular older student from their school. Scarlet seemed to not care about the game at all and leaned into the circle, grabbed Akeria’s face and kissed her forcefully and quickly. The girls all laughed and then it was Scarlet’s turn to spin.

It landed on Yvie, her best friend, and they had a quick make out session which ended up with Scarlet’s notorious red lipstick smudging down her face. It was Yvie’s turn next and as the bottle was spinning around in a circle, Vanessa saw it start to slow down as it made its way towards her. She held her breath as it moved slowly and started to mentally prepare herself with the awkwardness of kissing Yvie but to her surprise, the bottle landed on Brooke Lynn. Vanessa squeezed her first’s together in anger and tried to compose herself. On the outside, she looked fine. But on the inside, she was insanely jealous.

Yvie leaned in and gave Brooke a quick peck on the lips which made both Scarlet and Vanessa happy. It seemed as though the kiss was over before it began. Brooke sat up and grabbed the bottle, spinning it gracefully and sitting back down to wait to see who it landed on. Vanessa mentally cursed the bottle each time it passed her. She didn’t want to throw a tantrum at her own party but she really didn’t want to see Brooke kissing other girls. She just didn’t need that mental image in her mind.

It had been a few weeks since they had first kissed while studying at Brooke’s house and ever since then, they had been making out every chance they got when no one else was around. Brooke Lynn had even arrived earlier than all of the other girls just so they could make out before everyone else got there. Vanessa had somehow become addicted to Brooke and they had been spending way more time together than usual. While Vanessa was slightly scared about how much closer they had gotten in just a couple of weeks, it excited her way more.

Vanessa was suddenly brought back to reality when she heard Akeria and Silky screaming excitedly. She looked up from her daydreaming and saw that the bottle was pointing directly at her. She looked at Brooke who was sitting beside her with a devilish grin on her face. She raised her eyebrow and nodded at the bottle on the floor.

“Shall we?” Brooke asked and Vanessa nodded dumbfoundedly. She was about to kiss Brooke in front of people. What if people could tell that she was enjoying it? She wasn’t ready for people to know that she liked girls yet. She didn’t know if she would ever be ready.

Suddenly all of her thoughts were shut down because Brooke Lynn had leaned in, grabbed her face with both hands and started to kiss her. It wasn’t a particularly long kiss, Scarlet and Yvie’s had probably lasted longer, but it was enough for Vanessa to be left with a deep red blush on her cheeks.

As Vanessa tried to regain her composure, Brooke shared a knowing look with her and winked.

“I think Vanessa’s a little bit shook after her first lesbian kiss, everyone!” Silky said loudly which made everyone laugh, including Brooke, although she was laughing for a whole other reason. This did nothing to help Vanessa’s red cheeks which somehow got even redder. She felt extremely embarrassed, but was also on a bit of a high from the kiss.

She rolled her eyes at Silky’s comment and tried to get her control of the room back. She wouldn’t let herself be outdone or look like a loser in her own home. She took a small breath in and immediately her false sense of confidence was back and her bitch face was on.

“Shut up, Silky. It wasn’t even that good anyway.” She added with a wink thrown back in Brooke’s direction. Brooke seemed genuinely shocked at Vanessa’s comment but just narrowed her eyes and kept eye contact with Vanessa who had a guilty smile on her face.

The game went on for a few more rounds. Vanessa ended up being pecked on the cheek by Akeria and much to her own satisfaction, Brooke didn’t have to kiss anyone else. Once the game was all finished up, Vanessa made her way up to her bedroom to sit down for a minute. She needed to recharge her social battery so she could continue playing the role of the perfect hostess. What she didn’t anticipate was that Brooke had followed her upstairs.

Vanessa sat down on the armchair in the corner of her room when Brooke walked in. Brooke immediately walked over to where Vanessa was sitting and knelt on the floor in front of her. She had her hands placed on Vanessa’s thighs and stared at her, not saying a word.

“Hey, B…” Vanessa said quietly, squirming under Brooke’s intense stare. Brooke took a lock of Vanessa’s hair in her hand and began to twirl it around as she leaned in even closer.

“Not that good, huh?” Brooke asked.

“What?..” Vanessa didn’t know what she was talking about. Brooke was invading her space so much that she couldn’t focus on anything other than the blonde’s presence.

“The kiss. You said it wasn’t that good,” Brooke stated simply as she pulled back completely to look directly into Vanessa’s eyes. Vanessa was disappointed at the lack of contact and looked back at Brooke with needy eyes. She tried her best to form a sentence but her brain wasn’t functioning properly. “No words, huh?”

“I…didn’t mean it?” Vanessa tried her best to sound confident as she spoke but ended up not being able to say her words with conviction. Brooke leaned her arm in and stroked Vanessa’s cheek and smiled.

“That’s what I thought. I seem to remember us kissing like twenty times earlier and I didn’t hear any complaints.” Brooke said confidently, raising her eyebrow at Vanessa, who seemed to shrink under her gaze.

“I’m not complaining, B, I promise…” Vanessa whispered back, placing her own hand over the hand that was on her face. Brooke leaned in extremely close to Vanessa’s face but didn’t kiss her, their mouths were less than an inch apart but Brooke Lynn didn’t move. As soon as Vanessa tried to lean in and kiss her, Brooke pulled back.

“I don’t think so, babe. You can kiss me again when you’ve earned my forgiveness.” Brooke said with a grin as she slowly walked out of the room and joined the other girls’ downstairs, leaving Vanessa sitting by herself in her armchair, turned on and disappointed.

—

Now:

After they had made out for a while, the two girls fell asleep in Brooke’s bed. Brooke was laying on her back while Vanessa had her arm wrapped around Brooke’s waist, her leg thrown over her body and her head was resting on Brooke’s chest.

Brooke was the first to wake up. She started to stroke Vanessa’s back softly and placed small, gentle kisses on her forehead. Vanessa’s eyes began to flutter as she woke up and immediately made eye contact with Brooke. The two of them had massive smiles on their faces as they woke up together.

“Hey.” Brooke said, her voice raspy from just waking up.

“Hi.” Vanessa whispered softly as she wrapped her arm tighter around Brooke’s waist. They continued cuddling in silence for a bit before Brooke got up, with a lot of protests from Vanessa, and opened up the curtains. It was only six o’clock in the evening so it was still a bit bright out, the sun was only beginning to set. She got back into bed and her arms immediately found themselves wrapping around Vanessa’s body.

“We should go to the park tomorrow. Spend the whole day together.” Brooke suggested and Vanessa’s face lit up in delight.

“Can we have a picnic?” Vanessa asked excitedly. Brooke nodded in agreement and Vanessa sat up, mentally preparing which outfit she was going to wear.

“Can we feed the ducks?” Vanessa asked again. Brooke laughed at Vanessa’s excitement and sat up alongside her.

“You really haven’t changed since you were ten, have you? You still love doing the same things,” Brooke smiled as she spoke and Vanessa laughed softly in response. “But yes, we can feed the ducks.” Vanessa grinned and laid back down on the bed. She felt happy and content for the first time in a long time. Brooke’s arms embraced her yet again and she couldn’t help but feel that maybe, just maybe, everything would be okay. 

[cosmichoneyedblossoms]

When I Tell You Goodbye

Pairing: Suho x Reader x Kyungsoo

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 2.0 K

A/N: The lyrics in this piece are not of my own creation, all the credit goes to Avery Lynch

“I wish I could remember what it feels like to touch your skin… and what your voice sounds like one person, I know FaceTime can distort it… and I miss it…” The keys under your fingers felt familiar as you sang the bittersweet lyrics of a song meant for him.

“I’m sick of kissing you in my head—oh baby tell me when can it be real instead ‘cause I would do anything to be close to you again…” It seemed to feel like forever since you last sang these words and saying them now felt like a lie like you were trying to convince yourself to feel these feelings for him once again.

“And it’s hard being here half empty when somewhere different is my favorite part of me… If I could just hold you for real, that’s the only thing I’ll need… Baby, that’s all I need.” The sound of the piano keys faded out, and the room filled with a silence that was kinder than any noise you made.

“You’re up late.” A very familiar voice spoke into the silence, disrupting its thickness.

“I couldn’t sleep…” You added slumping a bit as you dropped your hands into your lap.

“You know…” Suho’s voice hummed behind you, “It’s weird to hear you sing that song when you told me that you’re falling out of love with him…” Turning around to face him, you couldn’t form any words to offer him because he was right.

Four hundred sixteen days away from Kyungsoo scuffed up the warm fluffy feelings of love and left you with a deep-seated loneliness that wouldn’t let you live. From the beginning, you spent countless nights in Kyungsoo’s bed, crying yourself to sleep; there were many days where you couldn’t be bothered to eat or get up to leave the dorm. You were a depressed mess—that is until Suho joined you one night. He attempted to soothe your aching heart and fill the painful void Kyungsoo left in your chest. Little did he know that the friendship he shared with you would result in your heart finding love in him than your boyfriend of four years.

“You know you’re going to have to tell him eventually… it’s already August, and he comes home in January, Y/N—” The slam of your hand against the piano keys cut him off.

“I know, Suho.” How could you not? It was the only thing dwelling on your mind, “I just don’t know how to tell him…” Suho could see the weight that was weighing down on your shoulders and how much pain it was causing you.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have said I love you back then, and maybe you wouldn’t be in this predicament.” His voice made your eyes dart up to his with your brows furrowed, “Now, now, don’t make that face.” He added as he walked over towards you and straddled the bench you were sitting on, “I feel like I’m right, though. I said it first.”

“This relationship is a vast two-way street. We both felt the same way, so even if you didn’t say it, it was inevitable that I was going to say it, Suho.” With a sigh, you leaned forward for your head to fall onto his shoulder, “I don’t think this is a mistake… I think it was for the best for me to fall for you… the only mistake I made was not telling Kyungsoo sooner…”

“Well…” The weight of Suho’s hand smoothed over your hair as he rested his head against yours, “If you’re looking for ways to tell him, I suggest you do it the way you know best… write it like you did for the one you made for him when he left.” You knew he was referring to the song you just sang, but how could you even come close to explaining everything?

“You think it would leave a bad taste in his mouth?” You asked, unsure if it was a good idea.

“If you’re asking if he’s going to be upset, you already know the answer, Y/N, but you can either tell him, or we can cut this off… I just know that I couldn’t just go back to how we were.” Gentle lips pressed themselves to your temple as his arms wrapped around you, “You didn’t mean to fall out of love with him.” Suho’s statement caused something to click in your head as if the words of the song were already writing themselves behind your wild thoughts.

“You’re right.” Lifting your head, you pressed a kiss to his cheek, “I think I have an idea.”

“I knew you would.” He smiled, seeing the sparkle of inspiration flicker behind your dark eyes, “I’m going to head to bed, will you join me soon?” His heart fluttered at the slight smile you gave him with the nod of your head.

“Let me just get some of it down before it runs away from me, and I’ll be there before you can say ‘I love you,’ okay?” He slowly nodded and leaned into you, instinctively you closed your eyes, and he hovered over your lips as he took in your beauty.

“I love you…” He whispered against your lips as his grazed over yours. Suho had this way of making you want for him; it was too easy to give into him.

“I love you most.” A gentle kiss was pressed into your plushness before he pulled away and began to get up, the heat from his lips lingered on yours as you watched him walk out of the studio and now you were left in the same silence he found you in. Getting up, you wandered over to the bookcase that was in the corner and pulled out a black leather-bound notebook, one that was filled with all of your lyrics. Pulling the elastic band from the front, the leather cover popped open slightly, revealing ink stained pages filled to the brims with words of love and devotion. You put the elastic back over the cover and slid it back into its spot and pulled out a new one, one that can be ruined with words of heartbreak and deceit.

Hours had passed since Suho asked you to join him, but the cold space beside him kept him awake. Flipping over, his eyes caught the flashing five that appeared in the hour spot on the digital clock; it had been near midnight when he came to bed, and you still weren’t there with him. He got up from the mattress and padded his way out the bedroom and through the halls of the dorm until he approached the studio, which was still flooded with light, “Is she still awake..?” He whispered, peeking his head to see you asleep on the love seat, your fingers gripping a notebook and pen.

How did I know?

Stepping into the room, paper crunched under his feet; he was so drawn to you that he didn’t notice the multiple crumpled up pieces of paper that riddled the floor. Without thinking, he began to clean up the mess when he caught the words that were heavily creased into the parchment, them only piquing his interest in what you came up with. After throwing all the paper away, he made his way to you and slipped the notebook and pen from your hand to set them down at the end of the couch, “You’ll show me when you’re ready, right, Y/N?” He asked you, but there was no response to his question, just your steady breathing.

Five times, you tried five times to send your song to Kyungsoo, but your nerves got the best of you, and you never slipped it into the mail dropbox. It sat nestled inside your purse, awaiting its trip to the base, but your hands hesitated to pull it from its spot and drop it into the box.

“Y/N?” Your coworker’s voice pulled you from your thoughts, and you flicked your gaze up to his face, “It’s about time for your break.”

“Oh, thank you.” You slightly bowed and untied the knot in your apron strings as you made your way towards the door that led out to the cafe floor.

“Oh, hey, before you head out there, your fans are back again.” His added statement made you freeze at the door.

“Really?” You asked, and you could tell by his grunt that he wasn’t lying, “Okay, I’ll get rid of them.” You knew the fans he was talking about; you played your songs once in the shop, and you instantly became the idol of your workplace. All they ask for you is to play a song, and then they leave, so why not just do it?

“There she is!” A girl squealed as you came out of the kitchen. Instead of stopping, you made a beeline to the piano that sat in the corner of the shop and sat down at the bench.

Kyungsoo sat quietly at the table, lost in his thoughts as his squad members conversed around him. Sleep hadn’t been his friend the last couple of weeks as he had problems falling asleep; thoughts of home lingered longer than usual, and the image of your smile started to fade the longer he spent away from you. Even though he was in his world, he faded in and out of the conversations that were happening around him until a familiar voice brought him back, “Hey, Kyungsoo…” Xiumin hummed.

“What’s up?” He asked, and he watched him pull his phone from his pocket.

“Did you see that Y/N’s little fan group uploaded a new video of her?” Xiumin asked, and Kyungsoo cocked his head.

“Is that so?” The wavering in Xiumin’s eyes wasn’t telling him if it was a good or a bad thing, “What’s wrong?”

“I think you should listen to it…” Handing Kyungsoo his phone, Xiumin already had the video up on the screen, and Kyungsoo stared at the frozen picture of the back of your body sitting at the piano that was at your cafe. His thumb hovered over the play button for a second before letting it fall onto the screen. The deep, slow chords of the piano were different from what he was used to hearing from you, without hearing your words, he knew it was for him. The conversations that were going on around him stopped as soon as your voice flowed from the speaker, now all ears were on you. Kyungsoo listened carefully from the first verse; it was filled with hints of things that used to be yours—the crooked midnight smiles, picking of wildflowers on walks, the warmth of shared smiles, but the next part hit him.

“… but I didn’t mean to fall out of love with you…” He could hear the crack in your voice like you were forcing the words to come out, “No, I didn’t dream in a million years this is what I’d do…”

Was this your way of telling him that you were no longer his?

“If I could stay, you know I would… You never did nothin’ wrong…” It wasn’t loud, but he could hear you sniffle between the break in the chords, “You’re exactly who you always were… this is my fault…” The shake in voice told him that this song was for him, and it was the hardest one to perform, but it was the hardest one for him to listen to. He had no words, but he can’t say he wasn’t surprised. Months away from each other always creates a distance that can’t be overcome with a few texts and FaceTimes here and there. He couldn’t say that he wasn’t upset, but he understood where you were coming from. Pulling out his phone, he unlocked it and found your name in his messages. His fingers typed out a message, and before he could even think of erasing it, he sent it.

“I saw the video. I’m sorry, and I hope you’re okay. Hearing you cry as you sang that song was heartbreaking, but I understand. I hope for nothing but your happiness, and if it’s not being with me, I won’t make you stay. Don’t apologize for ‘falling out of love with me’ because there’s nothing to apologize for. I love you, but not enough to force you to stay. Stay healthy and stay safe. I’ll see you when I come home.”

[bubblieywubbliey]

Hey! So I'm back in full force, I've got three fics in the works currently to be uploaded over the next month! I told y'all I'd be bac, this one isn't my best but I've been pretty busy so I plan to post the next part to this in the next few days :))))

- Bubbles

You pulled into the parking lot at school with Evan in the passenger seat at 8.15 am and turned to your boyfriend.

“Hey, we have a little time before we’re supposed to meet Zoe and the gang…” Evan raised his eyebrows and giggled slightly.

“Oh? We do?”

“We do.” You smiled and lifted your hands to his face, cupping his cheek and leaning in to kiss him. He moved his lips against yours, your breathing getting heavier as his hands slid down to your waist. You climbed over your seat and sat on his lap, pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses to his jawline and neck. Evan’s hands were sliding up and down your waist as your kissing intensified. You groaned into the kiss and you skin tingled everywhere he touched and as his hand slid under the soft fabric of the sundress you were wearing you couldn’t contain the gasp that escaped you. Almost immediately Evan’s hand was in your panties and pressed up against your heat, you couldn’t help but moan into his mouth.

“E-Evan…” you broke the kiss as your head fell onto his shoulder, his fingers working their magic on your clit. You melted under his touch and you felt your breath hitch as he began sucking on your neck, leaving marks all over your collar bones, sucking on your sweet spot. You felt him move from your clit down to your entrance, slipping one finger in.

“Evan!” You yelled out at the unexpected intrusion, panting into his shoulder as he continued to press hot kisses to your neck. He pulled one hand away and began to unbuckle his jeans, but you stopped him.

“Evan Hansen, how fucking cheeky you think we’re gonna fuck right here in the school parking lot? As much as I love you, people are starting to arrive and I am not going to, well- sleep with you- in front of the whole school.”

“But baby… I need you.” He groaned and he grunted softly as you palmed his semi through his jeans.

“Horny, are we?” You rubbed him harder through his jeans.

“It’s your fault.”

“I believe you were the one who instigated this encounter.” You retorted.

“With the full intention of it reaching a climax.”

“Someone’s feeling sassy.” You giggled and reached into his trousers now, any passer-by would clearly see what’s going on now.

“You were going to leave me hanging.” Evan frowned.

“I think the issue here is the lack of hanging in the downstairs situation. But instead, you’re standing to attention.” Evan’s face was now red as you scraped your fingers lightly over his length, only worsening his problem, but you couldn’t help it, you were enjoying it.

“Y-Y/N fuck! Please do something it’s torture.”

“Nah, I’m gonna go meet Zoe, I just saw her walk inside with Connor.” You pulled your hand out of his pants and adjusting your dress, before opening the door and getting out.

“Y/N for fuck’s sake!” He shouted after you before glancing around at the slowly filling parking lot.

You walked into the school building and greeted Zoe, smiling at Connor and you had your daily chit chat for about 10 minutes before Evan walked up, face still red. You went over and hugged him.

“Sort out your problem?” You asked, smiling.

“No, it went away by itself… eventually.” He huffed and you giggled, interlocking his fingers with yours.

“Aw baby I wish I could have helped you out but I was just busy, you know?”

“Mmh.” He responded and Zoe raised an eyebrow at you as Evan turned to talk to Connor.

What’s going on? She mouthed.

Blue balls. You mouthed back and winked, the pair of you laughing.

Finally, the bell rang and the four of you caught up with Jared and Brooke before heading off to lesson. Your first period was chemistry and you happened to be sat next to Evan. Everything was going swimmingly and your experiment was creating copper sulphate, which involved using a Bunsen burner. As the teacher finished talking you stood up and grabbed a lab coat and glasses for you and Evan. When you turned around Evan was smiling to himself.

“Something funny baby? I thought you were still mad at me?”

“Oh, I just realised you made the mistake of wearing a dress today, sweetheart, and we have the back row of a desk that covers everything all to ourselves.” He chuckled as you both put on your glasses and sat back down at the table.

“O-Oh well why would that be a- fuck!” You barely stopped yourself from yelling as he pushed his hand up your dress and into your panties, cupping your vulva roughly before pulling away and smiling. You put a hand onto his shoulder and gasped, leaning into the table.

“Miss Y/LN, are you okay?” Your teacher turned around at the sound and

“O-oh, uh, yes sir, completely fine, just tripped it all.” You replied and your teacher nodded, returning to the students he was helping light their Bunsen burner.

“Evan, what the ever-loving-fuck are you doing?” You turned to him and saw the boyish blush on his cheeks as his hand wandered back onto your thigh. “E-Evan I…”

You gasped as he slid his hand back into your panties and slowly but surely pressed a finger into your already slick opening, thrusting slowly in and out.

“Didn’t take much to get you wet did it?” He muttered into your ear and you turned to face the front, attempting to ignore him and started mixing the ingredients to be put into your petri dish.

“Baby, why don’t we just head to the broom closet and end this?” He thrust slightly harder, his fingers curling inside you and you couldn’t bear it. You folded your arms around your head on the table and grunted into your arm as he pumped his finger in and out of you.

“O-Okay, god, let’s go.” You put your hand up and spoke when you got the teacher’s attention. “Sir I feel nauseous, can Evan walk me to the nurse please?”

“Of course, Y/N, Evan, pack up your things in case you don’t get back before the end of the period.”

“Thank fuck.” Evan muttered before replying aloud, “Y-Yes Sir, of course.”

You stumbled out of the classroom, schoolbags in hand and Evan pinned you against the wall as soon as you were out of sight of the classroom, kissing down your neck and undoing on of the ribbons on your dress strap, it fell to your side and he rubbed your breast roughly through the fabric biting gently at your neck before pulling you into the closest closet, pulling his shirt off and unbuckling his pants, this poor boy could barely wait to be inside you and honestly, you couldn’t wait for him to fuck you. The pair of you were knocking things over in your haste to undress, Evan had pulled your bra strap down alongside the already undone dress strap and he was sucking hard, making you pant with lust.

You pulled his pants down alongside his boxers and he pushed you back against the wall. Evan slipped two fingers inside you, stretching you out as you gasped and moaned. You giggled and pulled his hand away.

“Please, just fuck me, Ev”

“You sure?”

“Fuck, yes Evan, hurry up!” You grunted and suddenly he pulled your panties to the side and eased himself into you. “Fuck!” You yelled as he bottomed out inside you.

“Oh my god, thank you, oh my god…” Evan mumbled as he tucked his head into the crook of your neck, you swung your legs up around his waist and he pulled back, before pushing back into the hilt again. The pair of you were groaning and grunting as Evan thrust gently, building up speed.

“Faster, fuck, faster, harder please…” You gasped, head lolling back against the wall, your dress flowing around the pair of you, you both climbed closer and closer to your climax. Evan gasped into your neck, sucking on your sweet spot with one hand sneaking between you to rub your clit. He kept thrusting, rutting roughly into you and letting out his signature whimpers and gasps.

“A-Ahh! Evan!” Your breath hitched in your throat and gasped as he thrust you up against the wall, getting rougher, he bit your neck and you moaned out loud, your walls quaking around him as your orgasm hit you. “G-God!” the guttural groan ripped it’s way out of you as you came, Evan still thrusting but you suddenly pushed him away, legs shaking as you recovered from your orgasm and he looked at you confused.

“Y/N? Did I do something wrong? Shit, I’m sorry are you okay?” Evan pulled up his pants and rushed over to you to check if you were okay.

“Oh baby I’m fine, I just came, I’m done. I’ll see you later.” You kissed him chastely, lingering for a second before leaving a stunned and inconvenienced Evan in the broom closet.