#take a shot every time I say anyhoo or moving on

[hana-bobo-finch]

OKAY!!! GUESS WHO SPENT THE WHOLE DAY WRITING THIS OUT. THATS RIGHT, IT’S PUMPKIN DADDY TIME. this is gonna be a (VERY!!!) long one so be warned

So. Finch. Pumpkin daddy. Whatever ya wanna call him, he’s a complete maniac!!! (I WILL BE REFERRING TO HIM AS PUMPKIN DADDY THROUGHOUT THIS BUT PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU, JUST CALL HIM FINCH. YOU DONT HAVE TO GO AROUND SAYING PUMPKIN DADDY UNLESS YOU REALLY WANT TO) Yippee !!! There’s no easy way to begin explaining this fool but it is what the people want so ok.

As the name of pumpkin daddy’s book club implies, he’s essentially the main character meaning there’s the most to go over with him. I’ll try to remember everything but I’ll probably forget some stuff, but what I do forget will probably be pretty unimportant so it doesn’t really matter if I don’t go over every single detail. Also I’ll be retreading some things I’ve already went over so skip over those if you’re a seasoned pumpkin daddy expert. Also might be a bit messy because I’m really just piecing together random parts, I’ve never actually made a full timeline. WHATEVER pumpkin daddy rant begins now

Brief timeline summary before I get into the miscellaneous side details.

FIRST OF ALL. as a young lad he was chillin in a pumpkin patch for some reason and OH GOOD HEAVENS he got attacked by some pumpkin-patch-dwelling-feline-like-creature. With the power of plot armor he was preeeetty much fine, somehow, but the creature (still don’t know what it is uhh I’ll think of it someday) had remnants of gourd on it and thusly poor little soon to be pumpkin daddy got an infection that made it so he could turn his head into a pumpkin (and part of his upper body I guess) and thus, the monster known as Pumpkin Daddy was born.

Sometime after this his parents just kinda checked out of existence. That makes it sounds like they’re dead, they’re not. I briefly touched upon this phenomenon in a previous post and I don’t expect you to dig back to find it but essentially, TBYTF (fairy thingy) can make people go into catatonic states where they’re basically stuck inside their own head so. That is what happened to them. Functionally dead but eh they got a heartbeat I guess. It’s called a catatonic illusion, keep this in mind for later. Point being, they were outta the picture. Ya’d think that’d traumatize ol’ pumpkin daddy but he legitimately could not give less of a fuck about any of that. is he repressing his emotions is he denying it? NO he just does not care for whatever reason and is Very confused why people think it should’ve messed him up. Anyhoo he still needed SOME sort of legal guardian so he went to DINO MA’AM!!!

yeaaahh that’s right his grandmother is a literal dinosaur!!! I do NOT know the logistics of it but she is a dinosaur of unspecified species and you’re just gonna have to accept that. She’s called Dino ma’am. Not much is known about her as she’s not really that important, except that she used to be roommates with Turtlemeister and she loves making people dinner. No other meals, just dinner. She will get very sad if people don’t show up for dinner. Unfortunately for her, pumpkin daddy rarely shows up for her dinners because he doesn’t really like/care about her all too much. The two have like. No real bond. Dino Ma’am also (potentially) has an evil twin named Dino Maim who killed Dino ma’am and sent the polaroids of her corpse to pumpkin daddy but…..I do not know the validity of that plot point because I made it up as a joke because I wrote “maim” instead of “ma’am” once. So who knows if that’s actually true to the plot. Doesn’t really matter.

I hate writing backstories in childhood because I hate writing about children. Thusly he hasn’t much backstory in earlier years. All I really have before the actual story starts is all of that stuff and also he would break into spillways to go swimming. “Isn’t that Extremely Fucking Dangerous” YES!!! truly by some miracle he never drowned and instead he developed great swimming skills after doing this for years and years. He also encountered the legendary Ginji Way, the warden of the spillway, a wannabe cowboy who rode around on his horse Jerry patrolling the area. You’d think Ginji would kick him out and you’d be wrong! Ginji is there illegally too, he has no permission to be there either. He just does it for fun. Not much came of their interactions though except that pumpkin daddy developed an intense hatred for Jerry the horse. He may have kidnapped Jerry and given him laser eyes but I do Not know yet.

Aaaanyway the main timeline begins now okey dokey. At the ripe old age of 17 he formed a group dedicated to studying TBYTF. It was a very small group, only consisting of him and two others, Bingo and Mole (They’re important but not to this). In a desperate attempt to get any sort of information on TBYTF he told his co-workers at the crappy drink joint he worked at to give anyone who mentioned TBYTF his contact information. Somehow this worked and he managed to recruit Gourdie!!! woaaaghhh his wife BUT ALAS their initial meeting was not love at first sight. Gourdie didn’t think the whole pumpkin head thing was as cool as he did. Woe. Also she accidentally made him cry by mentioning King Arthur (will get to that later on). Nonetheless Gourdie agreed to join his group and they pretty quickly fell in love (EEEEEWWWW). Also during this time he somehow managed to become a fucking Olympic swimmer?? We can only assume the swimming competitions in this universe are sorely lacking in any true talent. Either way it certainly made Gourdie impressed with him.

Anyhoo, being the unfortunate combination of brash, obsessed with doing things as soon as possible, and slightly stupid, the pair decided to get married when they were both only like 20. Awesome idea, I’m sure this will end well for them!!! Buuuut for the time being they were happy together and continued their studies of TBYTF.

Sometime after their marriage (which went horribly may I add, long story there. Their vows were sabotaged. By uh. O’chunks from super paper mario. I will have to change that eventually but for now I’m keeping him as a placeholder because I think it’s funny) our old pal pumpkin daddy got into some trouble! Eeeeeyikes! He was a pro wrestler but WHOOPS his friend tried to kill him during a match!!! Uh oh!!! To be fair he miiiiight have been demonically influenced at the time but still!!! Not cool man!!! Pumpkin daddy’s plot armor finally failed him and he was hurt pretty damn bad! He survived of course but his back ended up being, in simple terms, all screwed up, among other things. So that pretty much put an immediate stop to his prior careers, considering it’s rather hard to swim when you are constantly going “eeeyyyoowwch my back :(“

But moving on!!! Alas, as if he did not have it bad enough already, the doctor with him was my beloved bellona (I have yapped about her before, don’t remember where or when but I have before). They felt nothing but pure contempt towards one another!! They essentially tried to make each other’s lives hell in an eternal loop of revenge. Ironically it was through this unending revenge cycle that they ended up being able to tolerate each other’s existence (though they definitely weren’t friends. In fact they never did really each that level of toleration). This eventually blossomed into, as I said, not exactly a friendship, but more of some mutual respect and backwards enjoyment of each other’s company, in a “I hate you so fucking much it fascinates me and I want to hang out with you” kind of way.

Skipping over a lot from that time for the sake of keeping this at least somewhat brief—crabs. Crabs are a protected species in this universe and thusly eating them is strictly prohibited. But pumpkin daddy wanted crabs. He NEEDED crabs. And so he discovered a black market crab restaurant atop a mountain which, coincidentally, was in the same mountain range where his group was studying TBYTF—in fact the restaurant was on the point nearest to where TBYTF resides. This restaurant was surprisingly very fancy, like marble floors, chandeliers, grand pianos, this place was ELITE for being an illegal crab restaurant. Pumpkin daddy would of course go here often, generally every weekend. After a while and after growing a bit more tolerant of her, he agreed to show Bellona the place as she wanted to go there too (aka she followed him there despite his constant yelling to go away and stop following him and he’s going to call the police and blah blah blah. He eventually gave in and let her come with him but for the first few times she was, for all intents and purposes, just straight up stalking him). So they’d go there along with, occasionally, Gourdie, and they’d just hang out and study TBYTF I guess (there’s a lot more to it but again this is just a brief overview of things, if I were to get into the details we’d have to go over tridents and the song arabesque by friedrich burgmüller and astronomy and broken guitars and attempted murders and blah blah blah that’s all just not important).

The Briar Zome was also discovered during this time (again I have a post on that, one of the first PDBC posts I made I think) which led to the creation of the Alcoves, which are a series of pocket dimensions similar to the briar zome. Creation might not be the right word for it, he more so discovered how to reach the alcoves. Point is he made this huge discovery and what he did with it was simply make a pathway to the alcoves in his house and simply treated the alcoves like just another area. Could go into further detail but it’s not really important right now.

During this time pumpkin daddy truly earned the name pumpkin daddy, as he and Gourdie had a kid!!! Woah!!! awesome right? WRONG. turns out, to the horror of everyone involved, the whole pumpkin head thing is hereditary. whoops. Didn’t really affect too much at first, I mean despite the kids head being a literal gourd he was otherwise just an average human being. But pumpkin daddy gave him a terrible name! Extraordinarily!!! Shortened to Extra!!! What kind of name is that!!! Now that I think about it, it’s kind of stupid that it’s seen as an atrocious name in-universe when there are characters named stuff like mole and parasite. Ah well.

Things were fine for a bit until pumpkin daddy and Gourdie broke up. Mostly because pumpkin daddy was like “look, research shows that you should not create a fish child nor should you get involved with an extremely dangerous demonic entity” and Gourdie was like “screw you man I can do whatever I want.” As people they still loved each other but boy is it hard to stay together when your significant other worships a being that your studies have shown is Very Bad and she doesn’t believe you!!! Another issue was putters. yall remember putters? Putters was Gourdie’s dog. Pumpkin daddy absolutely despised putters. I won’t go too into putters because she really isn’t important but yeah. Putters would live in the floorboards and screw things up. She also had eyes that pumpkin daddy thought were incredibly frightening. I’m actually really pissed off because I wrote a poem about putters from pumpkin daddy’s perspective at a writing camp and at the end of the week they were SUPPOSED to send out the finished book containing all the work, but I haven’t gotten it yet. And it was supposed to come in early September and it’s almost November now. Screw you unnamed writing class I can’t say the name of without doxxing myself. So who knows if I’ll ever see it. Very unfortunate because even though the poem itself was kinda crappy I still loved it, and I don’t have a physical copy of it. I can only hold out hope someday I’ll see it again…anyway

The final straw was when pumpkin daddy decided to buy the island they lived on. She was incredibly pissed off by that and they split up. Did pumpkin daddy end up buying the island? YYYYUUUPPP. the former island owner was a total pushover and pumpkin daddy basically just waltzed in and demanded the island and the old owner was just like, yeah sure dude go wild. And thus he bought the island (when Gourdie found out about it she was INCREDIBLY pissed off and started a clan out of pure pettiness, but I’ve talked about all that before). And thus Fincg island was born. He made a typo while typing out the official name, whoops. Don’t ask me how fincg is even pronounced cause I dunno.

As Extra grew up, they became VERY resentful of pumpkin daddy. Pumpkin daddy was a legitimately good father but Extra had to deal with the fact that their head was a fucking gourd because of him and they were incredibly ashamed of that to say the least. Basically they hated pumpkin daddy for creating them because WHY WOULD YOU PROCREATE WHEN THERE WAS THE CHANCE YOUR CHILD WOULD BE A PUMPKIN. so extra went to live with Gourdie until they could move out entirely.

Around this time, pumpkin daddy developed the Patch. I got a post or two delving more into that if you want to waste more time reading through my nonsense, but yup he discovered how to create customized life forms and growing them like they’re trees or somethin. Why he did it in the first place? Excellent question!! I have no idea!! Probably for the same reason he bought an entire island, out of pure curiosity if he could. Alas he never considered if he should. That or it came from that fact that he always wanted to be able to asexually reproduce like fungi. Oh to be a mushroom, spreading spores everywhere….anyhoo, somehow for a first attempt he did a pretty good job at doing the seemingly impossible, and on October 31st whatever-year-it-was he harvested the first hybrid, whom he named Fina. He loved Fina SO MUCH. he made hundreds of hybrids over the years but Fina was always his obvious favorite, she was basically his new child now that extra absolutely hated him. But things did not stay well with Fina!!! She ended up falling in a vat of what is called TBYTF gel (again I’ve yapped abt this before but for a summary! It is the excretions of TBYTF, and being in it for too long causes one to permanently be in a state of semi-influence from tbytf. This is called being an ��arm” as they’re essentially now a mini version of tbytf). Pumpkin daddy fell in as well because he’s an idiot and has a tendency to fall into large vats of liquid, but he got out before he sustained any permanent damage. He managed to get Fina out after a couple minutes and she was seemingly fine aside from slight hypothermia, but YIKES!!! SHE WAS NOT FINE nobody knew right away because there was no research into that type of thing at the time, but you guessed it, she was an arm of tbytf now!!! Unfortunately pumpkin daddy was completely oblivious to the fact and even when many years later it was brought up like “your child is probably going to kill someone” he was like like nooo not her!! she’s so awesome she wouldn’t do that, why would you even think of that :(

MOVING ON there were no major events for a bit, at least ones that would fit here in this brief timeline. Mostly just the beginning of traditions, conflicts starting to arise, etc etc etc. Clan tension was already brewing as one of the clan leaders sorta went off the deep end and fell in love with a sentient eyeball which resulted in her ripping out one of pumpkin daddy’s eyes. But he was fiiiiiine. Also around that time, he and Gourdie got back together!!! Briefly!!! For a while it was on and off but yeah he managed to convince her that he wasn’t completely incompetent. Good for him. Whilst they were back together, Bellona decided to move back home, meaning they’d proooobably never see each other again. Gourdie was heartbroken and pumpkin daddy was…somewhere in between sad and indifferent. Either way they all spent the next couple months hanging out together (simple way of saying they almost got arrested in paris). But yes she eventually moved back home and life continued on as normal, just without someone to constantly torment 😔

Again, nothing too major around this time, things mostly calmed down (at least for pumpkin daddy) and things became stagnant for a few years. On and off relationship with Gourdie, new hybrids being made each year, trying to prevent civil war from breaking out, being a complete menace to society, such things like that. He also might’ve kidnapped two people and ripped their eyes out but he apologized so it’s ok (NO IT’S NOT). Political unrest was brewing. Obviously, there was the unending tension between the clans—especially between he and the Ramsay clan, as they were constantly in controversy, and they were put in charge of his old TBYTF-studying group and they were running it straight into the ground—but there was an overall consensus towards pumpkin daddy that “yeah this guy is wack, he needs to go.” This sentiment was founded by one of his own hybrids, that being one named Mercury. Mercury was tampered with by Fina while he was being created. Fina turned mercury against pumpkin daddy, mostly by convincing him that pumpkin daddy was the one who screwed him up while he was being created (sort of harkens back to extra and the whole “father, why the fuck did you create me” kind of thing) and mercury went on to lead a campaign to get pumpkin daddy publicly executed. Put a bounty on him and riled up the people to capture him and hang him. People were slow to accept this but they soon agreed with mercury’s sentiment (especially those in rivaling clans) and there was a nationwide competition to find and hang pumpkin daddy. Mercury eventually realized that Fina was completely lying to him, and despite still being against pumpkin daddy he attempted to quell the mob. It was too late though, and soon many were after the fame and reverence that would come with being the one to capture this monster. They never did, of course, turns out he’s incredibly good at escaping, but the point remains that there was a huge amount of people actively trying to kill him.

He tried, and mostly failed, to patch things up to avoid complete war breaking out, but things were looking grim.

Firstly there was a consensus between the clans that yeah, the Ramsay clan needs to go, so they mutually decided to revoke its status as a clan, and bomb the headquarters for good measure. The Ramsay clan was NOT happy about this, and to make things worse, the other clans began to get upset as they realized more than ever before that pumpkin daddy was just in general absolutely screwing everything up. Pretty much everything was falling apart at the seams after years of keeping it together with duct tape and a prayer. Tensions were at an all time high, huge companies were falling, all that fun stuff. During this time a prominent member of a rivaling clan mistakenly ended up in the alcoves and was utterly traumatized by it! Turns out the alcoves are extremely dangerous if you don’t know where you’re going and pumpkin daddy pretty much just watched like “idk what to tell you man” as this poor guy tried and failed to escape over and over. Didn’t end on a bad note though, as pumpkin daddy eventually stopped just watching the guy flail around and nearly get killed and decided to help him. He didn’t help him get out, mind you, he just helped him not feel ashamed for being dyslexic but HELP IS HELP. the two were thusly on good terms which was NOT helping the situation considering they were supposed to be sworn enemies. After a bit more fighting and raiding places because some butterfly-freaks stole precious artifacts, and other plot points I legitimately forgot about because they never went anywhere, whoops, it was decided that the pumpkin clan and fish clan would merge in an attempt to smooth out issues. This did the opposite!!! Long story short the one guy who was holding everything together was killed and all out war broke out, and pumpkin daddy and Gourdie’s relationship fell apart once again after a decade of being on good terms. Whoops!!! Very bad timing too, as it was right before the harvest festival, a week long celebration starting on October 31st. Incidentally, he did actually did get captured during this time and was about to be hung, but the person who captured him was a good friend of the guy who died and she was so broken up about it she didn’t have it in her to, you know, execute him. So he lucked out there. In fact he managed to befriend her (maybe not befriend, more so she lost the only friend she had so eh why not cling to this weirdo who’s trying to help me through my grief) so he was off the hook once again.

It soon became very apparent though that pumpkin daddy had zero idea what he was doing and was just making things worse, so Bellona, who heard of all the shit going on, decided to go back and try to knock some sense into him because CLEARLY he was not handling things well in the slightest. This was a terrible idea!!! Uh oh!!! When she went back there she was recognized as being affiliated with pumpkin daddy and was killed. Whoops!!! The news of course reached pumpkin daddy and Gourdie (AND ONE OF MY FAVORITE JOKES IN IT ALL HAPPENED AT THIS POINT BUT THE JOKE DOESNT MAKE SENSE ANYMORE BECAUSE I HAD TO CHANGE SOME STUFF AROUND NOOOOO RIP TO THE JOKE ABOUT COOKIES AND CREMATED REMAINS, YOU WERE A REAL ONE) and that absolutely screwed up pumpkin daddy. The illegal crab restaurant was also discovered and was reported, being burnt down and the owner was arrested. That was probably for the best though, that guy was a bit of a jerk. But again THAT didn’t help things at all cause now his precious crab restaurant was gone. At least he still had the harvest festival right!!!???

Uh wrong!!! Due to Fina being a little shit, the patch was completely destroyed and a hybrid he had who reminded him of Bellona was killed in the process and uhhhh yikes he did not take it well!!! He still had to put on a show while he was pretty much dead inside and it was quite uncomfortable for everyone!!! He pretty much lost literally everything he had in like a week so yeah he was not having a good time! But there was one glimmer of hope! Sort of!

Yeees that’s right, the negotiations. It was decided upon that the clans (mainly the pumpkin and jørgan clan) would come together in unity as a last ditch effort to stop the war. It would all be one big happy celebration, except it wouldn’t, because it also doubled as a funeral for some of the people who died. Still though, some were hoping it would ease things and life could go back to normal

You guessed it, it did not!! Extra heard of all this and, despite still being on rough terms, decided to go to the negotiations. Not to celebrate or anything, to warn pumpkin daddy that Fina is absolutely trying to kill him, and to try to tell Gourdie to please stop denying that tbytf is bad, it’s obvious to everyone. He mostly knew of fina’s antics due to befriending some of the hybrids and they were like “yeah she’s kinda suspicious.” So he reluctantly went off to be the bearer of bad news, because he could tell things were coming to a head and things werent gonna end well. And he was pretty much spot on, pumpkin daddy barely got to do anything at the negotiations before Fina trapped him in a catatonic illusion and stashed him in a bathroom stall! Catatonic illusions are, as I’ve explained before, basically being dead to the world and stuck in some hellish illusion in your mind. So pumpkin daddy was stuck in one for like, 3 weeks? The illusion mainly consisted of these acid-trip-like experiences with Christmas music and snoopy and Roman soldiers but that’s not really important right now. Outside of the illusion, everyone was incredibly confused on where he went and growing very impatient because they couldn’t start without him. How did nobody find him? Well they did, actually. Extra did, to be more specific. But nobody believed him because by that point they had gone full on lord of the flies and were more interested in creating child fighting tournaments than listening to him. So extra did the only logical thing to do and slapped the shit out of pumpkin daddy. This of course worked, and he managed to explain the situation. This is a very inaccurate way of describing it but in my defense, this was one of the longest sections of it, and when I looked back at my notes to see what I had for this part I had almost the entire script for it soooo I’m not gonna write it all out.

Point is, pumpkin daddy was passed out in the bathroom for weeks while everyone else was fighting to the death. But anyhoo, once he was awake (and extremely disoriented) Gourdie and Extra (mostly Gourdie) decided it was a probably bad idea to tell him Fina was…the way she was immediately after he woke up, so they decided to let the matter go for just long enough for him to get his bearings. That plan fell through though, because of course it did, because the second they looked away from him for one second, pumpkin daddy had vanished. Fina of course took the opportunity to put him in another illusion (she didn’t have the power to do another catatonic illusion so now he was on the loose and not knowing what the fuck is going on). The negotiations begun and, to prevent Gourdie from helping pumpkin daddy, she sicced her army of trained squirrels on her and disappeared.

SO UH things were not going well!!! Pumpkin daddy was looking everywhere for Fina, climbing on the ceiling like a spider monkey, all while also hallucinating that snoopy was mauling everyone. Everything pretty much went to shit at this point and nobody had any idea what was going on. Pumpkin daddy was on the loose screaming about snoopy, extra was trying to calm him down and explain the situation, Gourdie was gravely injured and trying to figure out what the hell to do, and Fina was trying to convince pumpkin daddy everything was totally fine. He eventually snapped out of his illusion though and was, once again, very disoriented and attacking people. Nevertheless, the negotiations went on. But right as they were about to be finalized, he made a grave mistake.

He coughed on the cake. Yes, that’s right, Fina had a cake for the celebration (what better time than a funeral to have a sugary confection?). A wonderful cake, custom made by only the best bakers. And in pumpkin daddy’s ill, confused stupor, he coughed on it. For whatever reason, this is what pushed Fina over the edge. She completely snapped and let go of any facade of being this innocent confused hybrid, shoved him against a wall, took off her heels and threatened to slit his throat with them. It all clicked in an instant as to what was going on for pumpkin daddy, but he couldn’t get himself to fight back. Extra and Gourdie (and one other guy who I haven’t really mentioned yet) successfully restrained her, while everyone else was still in fighting-tournament-mode and were making bets on who’d win. While everyone was fighting, fires and mudslides came in and resulted in everything being somehow even worse (long story there, just go with it. There are fires and mudslides).

Once the dust cleared, pumpkin daddy was just…gone. Completely vanished. All that he left in his wake was a small book with some writings in it and a cryptic email. But what actually happened to him, nobody knows. It’s unlikely he’s dead as no body was ever recovered despite months of searching. So uh. Who knows what the hell happened to him? Gourdie led multiple attempts to find him but again, he just never turned up. Over the next few months the island was renamed, the clans disbanded…pretty much any mark he left was gone, yet his legacy is still painfully lingering everywhere.

Definitely not somewhat inspired by song lyrics hahahaha speaking of which have I ever mentioned how much I love the song can’t catch me now (YES I HAVE) I think I should talk about it more (NO I SHOULDN’T) ANYHOOOOOO that’s the basic timeline. This turned out way longer than I expected so I won’t be able to go over as many miscellaneous details as I’d like to. Eh. Maybe sometime else. But for now:

•HE’S SCARED OF GLOVES!!! Nobody knows why despite numerous attempts to find out or to get rid of the fear entirely. It’s not just WEARING gloves that’s terrifying, being in the mere vicinity of one is terrifying. This applies to all gloves of all kinds (with one singular exception who I will get to soon). This aversion to gloves results in, predictably, him getting frostbite a lot as he lives in a colder environment, which earned him the nickname “the frostbite maestro.” He has somehow avoided any serious cold-related injuries. He just has excellent plot armor in that regard I suppose. The worst glove of them all is Hamlet, a demonically possessed, foul smelling ski glove who tormented pumpkin daddy by making his life hell and then laying completely still when he would try to show Hamlet’s sentience to anyone. So basically, hamlet gaslit everyone into thinking pumpkin daddy had gone completely nuts. Hamlet was eventually thrown into a fireplace to burn, but his smelly ghost remains. The BEST glove, on the other hand, is Lucretius the magic nitrile glove!!!

Nobody exactly knows why pumpkin daddy sees Lucretius as the one “good” glove. Most likely it’s because he first saw Lucretius while high off his ass on anesthesia but again, who knows. Either way, Lucretius is an allegedly magical glove who is a simple blue nitrile glove with a mustache and bow tie drawn on. Luckily, for you Lucretius lovers out there, I have a visual representation:

Real life Lucretius, I love him so much. Anywayyyyyy Lucretius is the one “good” glove. Pumpkin daddy loved him. I say LOVED because Lucretius met an unfortunate fate as he was eaten by a woodpecker, dubbed Mr woodpecker. Fortunately, Lucretius was rescued, as pumpkin daddy tracked down the woodpecker and killed him (and maaaaybe ate him afterwards but that could’ve just been an empty threat) and saved Lucretius, though Lucretius was heavily damaged in the incident. Lucretius soon got a “replacement” (nothing could truly replace Lucretius, but pumpkin daddy found a second glove similar enough to Lucretius that he found it somewhat tolerable to be around, so it was Lucretius’s spiritual successor) but that replacement was once again stolen by a woodpecker, assumedly the previous woodpecker’s wife, Mrs woodpecker. The replacement was, again, rescued, but Mrs. Woodpecker’s fate is unknown. Alas, no other gloves have been tolerable to pumpkin daddy, something he is very harsh in letting it be known. like he called someone a sadist for knitting gloves. Although he could probably outlaw gloves all together he for some reason keeps them legal (what a good leader) but insists they stay far away from him and that the word “glove” be censored in the media.

• He has way too many pets. Like an absurd amount. Yet somehow he still manages to take care of all of them. Most likely he has the hybrids help him with all of them. For one, theres a herd of llamas. He uses their fur to knit sweaters and scarves. There’s a fox who’s name I can’t remember, and a second fox who’s brown. There’s Derrick and Didi the deer who he’s more so sworn enemies with, and their reindeer cousin. There’s a spider, a ladybug (deceased), a bumblebee named stove (also deceased), a black cat, a chickadee, some fish, some other miscellaneous birds, some turtles (whom he ended up giving away), and probably some others I’m forgetting. His favorite pets by far are his mice. When they die he puts them in a MAUSoleum (AHAHAHHAAHAHHA). His favorite mouse, Dinkles, was tragically killed by an evil home improvement company. But yeah he likes mice.

• He has an abnormally low body temperature?? I don’t remember what it was exactly, I think like 95 F? Point is he is extremely sensitive to any form of heat and will be downright inconsolable if it’s above 70 F. Extra is a weatherman and he specifically told them to issue warnings if it’s going to be over 70 degrees. Speaking of medical mysteries he has a plethora of them. Well maybe not mysteries per se but MAN having a gourd for a head is the least of his concerns!! He has low iron levels, low copper levels, arrhythmia, mild hyperhidrosis, severe allergies to horses, turkey, and strawberries, he has had thousands of mini-strokes, probably a heart attack, and a brain aneurysm. What is wrong with him. How is he still alive. Fun fact about the brain aneurysm though, that part actually came from the comic I sent to the author themself! They said it was funny so I can rest at night knowing that the very creator of pumpkin daddy approves of him having a brain aneurysm! And the panel where that was said I put a pikmin in the background. Idk just a random fact lmao

• HE’S SCARED OF KING ARTHUR. LIKE SO SCARED. UNREASONABLY SCARED. like with the gloves, nobody knows why. He always says he’ll explain and he never does. Whatever the reason, he cannot handle knights, royalty, and worst of all, round tables. He sincerely believes that King Arthur is real and that he’s coming after him. It’s easy to write it off as an irrational fear, but king Arthur’s sword was discovered alongside some stolen artifacts some freakish butterfly people stole, so……could have some merit to it. But yeah you can’t even mention King Arthur around him without him crying.

• He hates the number four!!! It’s his unlucky number, or so he says. It all stemmed from when he, in an attempt to reconnect with his son, played a game of Yahtzee with extra. He lost by four points and has never been the same since. The number four haunts him. He cannot stand it. SHAKES YOU AROUND VIOLENTLY. HEY. HEY. LISTEN. have you ever noticed I draw ears inconsistently? if you look at em, different characters have different numbers in their ears….yeah….you can easily disguise them in there….pumpkin daddy has a four. Idk. that’s unimportant I just want to draw attention to it because I spend way too much time thinking if a number to associate with a character.

• He has bugs in his cardiovascular system. He’s not the only one.

• Despite following his tightrope morality as he calls it (perfectly balancing good and bad thinking it’ll “even things out”) he does have the occasional moment of actual regret. Notably, he once stole a little penguin’s snow tube and was so wracked with guilt that he gave it back and didn’t show his face for like a week. He’s not a bad guy, really, he’s just…well ok he is

• He feels the need to do morning announcements every day like he’s Isabelle from animal crossing or something. Somehow his announcements are even worse than Isabelle’s as half the time something goes wrong and he almost gets himself killed somehow. They all follow the exact script yet somehow no script at all.

• There’s a gaggle of insects who harass him incessantly. Mostly consists of a bunch of mosquitoes. At first he hated them so much that he tried inhaling insecticides to rid of them (spoiler alert, did not work) but eventually he grew fond of them. The bugs are now his therapists.

• HE’S OBSESSED WITH TIME. LIKE SO OBSESSED. To the point where it is unhealthy. The reason he has managed to do so much is that he spends every waking moment doing Something because he’s terrified of wasting time. He trained himself to specifically fall asleep at 2 am and get up at 6 for the least amount of time wasted possible. He has it down to a science. Very literally in fact, he’s developed multiple time theories and ways of measuring time. He also unsurprisingly owns a lot of custom made clocks. Point is, the guy likes time maybe a little too much. He capitalizes Time in every sentence (like that) because he thinks it’s of upmost importance. He should probably chill out a little. Fun fact, I made his birthday September 17th because it is apparently “times up day” which is fitting because with every passing year he is very literally running out of time. patting myself on the back for that one, that was a lucky coincidence actually because I randomly declared his birthday as September 16th before I knew that so I just had to move it up a day. Anyway

• He’s really into astrology and stuff for some reason. Wholeheartedly believes in it to the point where he lets it dictate his opinion on things even if it goes against what he actually feels. He also was formerly friends with a genie named greenie who made his life hell but disguised it as sage genie advice. Greenie knew just how to make him tick, he’s a complete menace. After years of believing greenie’s every word, pumpkin daddy caught on and brokenheartedly cut greenie off and stopped believing in horoscopes. Woe.

• Garfield once stole his lasagna when he was lost in the mountains, which led to him almost starving to death. He was so upset over this that he and Bellona went on a campaign to kill Garfield. She really didn’t want to but he was adamant Garfield had to pay. It’s really not important to anything I just bring it up because I once made lyrics for a song going over the situation and I giggle whenever I think about the line “Belle, this cat is straight from hell”

He pretty much runs the radio industry , among…lots of other things. He has a monopoly on almost every industry. But when specifically discussing the radio—he had a radio show called FincgLIVE that was a complete fucking disaster. He was overtired the entire time and purposefully spread misinformation like how you should “wash your hamburger meat with soap and water to get all the little maggots out.” He absolutely hated doing it but felt the need to continue it anyway. He eventually quit when his roof caved in live on air and he went on a total tirade while trapped under a bunch of rubble. After that he gave up entirely and just gave the show to his secretary, who actually enjoyed hosting it, so happy ending I guess.

HE’S A COMPLETE PYROMANIAC!!! SOMEONE STOP HIM he has lit so many fires for absolutely no reason. He once burnt down a historic hotel because he was bored. Why is he like this. Somehow he only got hurt from it once and even after that he didn’t stop. If sirens sound, it is a 50/50 chance he lit something on fire again. Somehow he has never injured anyone in the process which is a miracle. It’s not his fault that things are just so flammable, they’re practically begging to be lit aflame :(

That is all for now. if you have somehow read this far uh. thanks?. uuhuhrhhhbghgghgh

[imaginespazzi]

Nivi! How are you, bestie? I'm just here for a quick drop-by again, just to check in and say hi.

Life hasn't slowed down much the past few weeks so I still haven't had time to do a long review but please know that every GH chapter is like a shot of serotonin straight into my veins.

You had so many good lines in Chapter 10 that gave me a good chuckle btw, i loved it.

Also, I'm never ever getting tired of Paige-Azzi-Stephie scenes. Like ugh, this lil family makes my day always. Brooo, Stephie's possessiveness! She a little master manipulator huh cause this:

“Mama,” Stephie says loudly, cutting Paige off as she turns to Azzi, “do you know if Aunty Chérie is in town?”

“I was just thinking,” Stephie barrels on casually, “maybe we could go see her and she could give me cuddles and kisses since app-ently Miss Buecks is too busy to give them to me-”

^This was absolutely DIABOLICAL from that little girl hahahah. She knows EXACTLY what to say to get what she wants from her Miss Buecks. Like mother, like daughter truly.

And our Drew cameo, it's finally here! Oh boy, the confrontation is really gonna be something, i already know. Yeah for sure I think Drew's gonna have slight feelings of jealousy or yearning in a way that Stephie gets to experience what he missed out on, but more than anything I think he is gonna be super protective of her and not wanting her to ever go through what he went through when Paige and Azzi broke up.

I do wonder what Azzi's reaction will be if and when they finally get around to talking about the "plan" in place of Angie potentially taking over P's role and the team maybe no longer needing P after this one season. I know P says it's nothing they can't work through , but well we all know how much of an overthinker Azzi is and so she's prolly already gonna jump straight ahead to scenarios of well what's that gonna look like if P has to move to the OTHER SIDE OF THE COUNTRY and how that's gonna affect Stephie. Ugh, the angst is about to ANGST, i feel it.

Anyhoo, i guess this is kinda a medium-sized review? As a small token of my appreciation haha.

As always, thanks for taking the time to feed our souls with your talent! Can't wait for the next (whenever that may be)!

P.S: I think I'm rooting for a Liberty-Sun finals series. I do love the Lynx and I know how much you love Phee so I wouldn't mind if it was the Lynx (and I think it will prolly be them anyway over the Sun) but I do have such a soft spot for CT and I looooove Nai, so I am rooting for them over Minny, sorry babes. I'm rooting for NY though so at least there's that!

Oh and I watched Geno's media availability today, and he didn't seem all too impressed after the first practice session lol but it is the first one and there's a lot of new pieces so like he said, it'll just take time. But it better take less time than it did last season cause idk if I can suffer through another painful non-conference stretch. ALSO grandpa seemed annoyed at having to be cautious with Azzi LMAO, like if it was up to him, she's back on that court playing as much as possible ASAP. Imma need him to chill on that though. Like no one wants to see princess back on court more than me (well, maybe apart from Azzi herself and blondie) BUT her knees better be 200% before she's back on there!

I said "quick drop-by" and look what we got instead - typical hahah.

OK imma stop now. Love ya, bestie. Take care of yourself always! 💗

-🙋‍♀️

BESTIE I MISSED YOU I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU <3

Babes I get you don't even worry about it. Life is gonna do life things and whenever you have the time to do one again (hopefully I write again lol) I will be seated to read it!

But I'm glad you've been enjoying GH.

Honestly I love writing Stephie so much. She's just an evil genius and she's so smart and perfect and funny which off course she is, she's literally mini-Pazzi.

Ugh babes you always just get my writing because that's exactly how Drew feels towards Stephie. There's definitely some wistfulness there seeing her get that "family" that was in way stolen from him but he's already enamored by this little girl and he would never want her to face what he has.

Azzi's reaction is going to depend on when she finds out and how she finds out tee hee :) I've given y'all so much fluff, it's only fair I give the angst fiends some angst soon.

Well I hate to break it to you babes, but no Liberty-Sun finals for and you and I fear it's looking quite grim for the Liberty in general right now. But at least we'll always have MVPhee too root for!

Oh god I didn't have time to react to Geno's availability but I fear grandpa did not real squelch any of my fears about this team. My biggest side-eye was actually his lack of complementariness about Jana and I'm a little fearful for my frontcourt where apparently Ice (??) is looking like the best player?

He's definitely dying to have Azzi back out there but if that girl plays more than 15 minutes in at least her first 5 games, we will be having words! I have Farleigh-Dickinson circled on my calender for the earliest possible game we can see her and that would give her a couple of easy game before the team would really need her so he better not play her more than 15 if she does play then.

[asirensrage]

Okay, so I thought about the special request from the birthday event. I’m still squealing with joy from having won something. It’s almost like the time Steve won a fight in season 3.

Anyhoo, can I request a Stranger Things one shot featuring an OC who, sensing the tension between Steve and Eddie, decided to set them up together? Somehow, she ends up dating both of them. Pretty please? 🥺 Thank you!

Okay, so this took me awhile but I actually had a lot of fun writing it. This oc was hilarious to write and it ended up longer than I intended. I hope you enjoy it.

Title: Best Laid Plans Rating: PG Fandom: Stranger Things Pairing: mentioned Steve/Eddie, Steve/OC/Eddie Warnings: oc assuming sexualities, obliviousness, not sure if there's anything else... Summary: Steve and Eddie argue. Constantly. She decides to do something about it but you know what they say about the best laid plans...

Notes: the oc is unnamed and not described except by she/her (and getting called babe and princess). She has good intentions but it's like she has blinders on...

She drums her fingers on the counter, watching as the two of them argue. They’re always arguing lately. It wasn’t malicious. She’s pretty sure they enjoy their debates with how passionate they are. Still, it was getting to be too much and she was half inclined to lock them in a closet so that they could deal with whatever repressed feelings they have. Maybe then she wouldn’t have to listen to them. 

That sounded mean even in her own head. Not that she means it that way it’s just…she’s bored of being single and seeing the two of them go back and forth is like watching a soap opera she doesn’t get the option to change the channel on. Though that gives her an idea. Since she has no control over the remote, the least she could do is get the action moving along and maybe they’d take their…passion elsewhere. At least then she wouldn’t have to see it and feel jealous. Not that she’d admit that. 

Well, challenge accepted. It would help make her summer more entertaining if nothing else. 

She starts with Eddie. 

“So…” she drawls out, sitting on the picnic table he uses for his base of operations. It’s the only place she knows they’ll have privacy. Eddie’s clientele either make appointments or are obvious in the ways they show up. 

“Hmm?” he leans on his arms, propped up on the table. “So what?”

“You think Steve’s straight?”

His elbow slips off the table, sending his head crashing down. 

She covers her mouth, trying not to laugh. “Oh my god, are you okay?” 

He jolts up, rubbing at his chin. “Uh, yeah. What–what did you just ask?”

“Do you think Steve’s straight?”

“Harrington?” He stares at her like she’s gained a second head. “Harrington who’s on a date every other night with a different girl, Harrington?”

She nods. “The very same.” 

“Uh, yeah. Why wouldn’t he be?” 

She shrugs. “Just curious.” She doesn’t want to press too hard. It probably isn’t an easy thing. The world isn’t kind to those who don’t fit the norms. Maybe it will be enough to get him thinking about it. 

“Why you asking? You interested in him?” He waggles his eyebrows at her, grinning slightly. There is a hesitance to his smile though. 

“No,” she reassures him. “Steve and I? Wouldn’t work.” She laughs it off. Eddie’s staring at her though, head tilted to the side. She’s used to him observing her. Eddie stares at everyone, trying to figure them out. 

“Think you’re selling yourself short, but go on. Tell me why it wouldn’t work.” 

“What do you mean?” she asks, turning to face him a bit more. Her feet rest on the bench next to him. “We have nothing in common.”

“Like..?” 

“I don’t know,” she shrugs. “I don’t party–”

“Far as I know, Harrington hasn’t been going to any parties for years.”

“I’m not athletic–”

“You sure? I saw you chase down some middle school kid who stole from that store last week. Kid was fast and you caught him.”

“Adrenaline and spite,” she waves it off. 

“That’s only two things…” he says, his voice lilting. 

She can’t help but scowl back. “I’m not done.” She waited until he motioned for her to continue. “We don’t even like the same things. You think Harrington likes Metallica?”

“Never took you for a music snob.” 

“I’m not! I just…can you picture Steve going to a concert without complaining? Besides, it's not just music.” 

“Then what is it?”

“Nothing!” She shakes her head, wondering how they even got to this point. “How did we even get to this?”

“You’re the one that brought up Harrington.”

“Not for me!” She huffs and jumps off the table. This is pointless. “I’m going home.” 

“Aw, come on, princess!”

“Bye Eddie!”

Eddie is a bust. Mainly because of the way he can get her distracted and off topic. She doesn’t like it. She goes for Steve next. 

She catches him when he’s on break at the video store. It’s handy because Robin is working but not on break so she doesn’t have to navigate Robin’s input into her investigation. Not that Robin would be a bad choice for a co-conspirator but she doesn’t want to accidentally reveal something the boys didn’t want anyone to know. She just wants…to nudge them in the right direction. That’s all. 

“What are you doing here?” Steve asks. He leans against the brick wall in the alley behind the store. 

“Just came to talk,” she says. 

He straightens slightly. “To me?”

“No, the brick wall behind you,” she says dryly. He scowls at her but sighs. “What do you think about Eddie?”

“Munson? Why?”

“Just curious,” she shrugs before moving to lean against the wall next to him. 

“You into him or something?”

“Eddie? No,” she laughs slightly, feeling a weird sense of deja vu. 

“Then why are you asking?” He crosses his arms over his chest, pointedly not looking at her. Maybe she should have started with Steve. 

“Like I said, I’m curious.” 

“Shouldn’t you be asking a girl or something? Like…Robin? Actually, maybe not Robin…one of your other friends?” 

“Yeah, but you’re here,” she says. “Besides, most of my other friends left town. University and all.” 

“Oh, right. You upset about still being here?”

“Nope. I’m happy where I am. Now are you gonna answer my question or not?” 

“What question?”

She tries not to roll her eyes. “About Eddie!”

“What do you want me to say? Munson’s a good dude. Don’t really know him that well.”

“Don’t lie to me, Harrington.” 

He rolls his eyes. “I’m serious. I know him through Dustin. Not like we’re friends…”

“Steve, you two argue all the time.”

“No we don’t. Besides not like you’re around us 24/7.”

Her eyes lit up. Was that a confession? “Yeah? How can you say you’re not friends when you clearly hang out enough.” 

“Jealous?”

“Not at all. I love having the peace and silence when you’re not around.” 

He frowns slightly. “You don’t like hanging out with us? Are we that bad?”

“What? No. I’m just tired of hearing you two argue.”

There’s a bang on the door before it opens and Robin peeks her head out. “Hey doofus, break’s over! Hey! What are you doing here?” Robin looks at her in surprise. 

“Just passing by. I’ll pass by later and come see you, okay?”

“Can’t wait,” Robin agrees. “Come on, Steve. Don’t leave me listening to this woman telling me that Footloose is peak cinema. Please.” 

He sighs. “I’ll see you later?” he asks.

“Yeah,” she agrees offhandedly before waving goodbye to both of them. At least she was finally starting to get somewhere. 

She continues to try to ask them questions about each other only to have both of them somehow twist the conversations until she’s the one who’s put on the spot. She doesn’t know how they do it, especially when she works hard to keep control of the topics. 

Finally, she comes up with the perfect plan. Okay, it’s not really perfect, but it was good. Decent. Whatever. She’s trying. Robin helps. 

She organizes a date. Not that they’re fully aware of it. It’s not meant to be anything obvious. Robin and her arrange for them to meet her at the local bowling alley. She’ll hang out a bit before disappearing and leaving them to play. Hopefully they’ll work something out and she’ll be able to continue hanging out with them without listening to them argue. Surprisingly, both men were enthusiastic about it. 

“Alright! Prepare to be dazzled!” Steve rubs his hands together as we all head toward the lane. 

“You just jinxed yourself,” she calls out. Eddie has his hands shoved into his pockets as he walks beside her. 

“You wait,” Steve turns around to tell them. “I’m a bowling master!”

“My money’s on Princess here,” Eddie says. “If she can roll a ball as hard as she can tackle a kid, you’re losing.”

“Will you stop with the princess thing?”, she turns on Eddie. “And let go of the kid. It was one time!”

“It was awesome.” 

“Oh my god.”

“Come on!” Steve calls out. “Let’s play already!” 

She plots out her escape as she moves forward. “Yeah yeah, prepare to lose, Harrington.” At least she’ll enjoy it before she disappears. 

She doesn’t get the chance. The men keep her occupied and every attempt to slink off has been thwarted by them asking where she’s going and looking for her the moment she’s gone too long. Even when she offers to grab food, Steve comes with her. When she heads to the washroom, Eddie tells her he’s going to try the claw game and to come see if he wins when she’s done. 

They usher her out of the bowling alley when their game is done. Steve suggests grabbing food, Eddie offers to drive and before she knows it, she’s in the passenger seat of Eddie’s van, sitting on Steve’s lap. She doesn’t know when Eddie got rid of the backseat but she’s not about to ask questions. She doesn’t really want to know. 

Eddie corners her in the booth while Steve sits on her other side. They order quickly, arguing back and forth over the best choice until she nudges them both and gives the waitress an out. This is not going as planned but then Steve throws his arm over the bench behind her and Eddie presses his leg into hers. It occurs to her that maybe they’re using her as a buffer, so no one will get suspicious. She can use that. Maybe having her here will make them wish she was gone. 

“What are you thinking about?” Steve asks, turning slightly towards her. “Aren’t you having fun?” 

“Yeah,” she admits. “But I think I should go soon.” 

“What? Why?” Eddie leans in. “Night’s young.” 

“You sound like a vampire,” she says dryly. “I’m not the party type.”

“We could go see a movie,” Steve shrugs. “Theatre’s still open.” 

“What? No, you guys can go without me.”

“Aww, come on, princess,” Eddie drawls. “It’s not fun without you.”

“Yeah, you’re gonna leave me here alone with Munson? What kind of date is this?”

“What?” she straightens. “What date?” Did Robin tell him the plan? 

“Aren’t we on a date?” Steve asks, sounding confused. 

“We can’t be on a date,” she says. “There’s three of us. Unless you want me to ditch in which case, move and I’ll go.” 

“Wait,” Eddie touches her arm, drawing her attention to him. “Hold on. Did you…really not know?”

“Not know what?” she hisses, confused and trying not to draw further attention. If she was right, she didn’t want to cause them problems. 

“That we’re on a date, princess. All of us. Together. We thought that’s what you wanted. That Robin was helping you out by forcefully saying she wasn’t coming.”

“Yeah,” Steve added. “You kept asking us about what we were into.”

“If we liked the other person,” Eddie continues. “We thought you were trying to figure out if we’d get upset that you wanted to date both of us.” 

She sits there, stunned. What? She thinks back on the last couple of weeks and tries to see it, not through a lens of them being interested in each other, but in her. “Oh my god.” The way they each suggested the other, twisting the conversations until it was about her and what she liked and who she was interested in. “Oh my god.” 

“Think she’s figured it out,” she hears Eddie says. 

“Or we broke her.  Are you ok babe?”

“Oh my god,” she whispers again. She looks between the men on either side of her. “And you’re both…okay with this?” 

“Well, bit weird but yeah,” Eddie says. “I mean, as long as you are. We had fun, didn’t we?”

“I did,” Steve inputs. They all pause as the waitress delivers the food. 

She takes the chance to eat, giving herself time to think. She can admit that she had fun, aside from them managing to derail all of her plans. She’s enjoyed herself every time she sought them out, even if they turned all of their conversations. “I…”

“Just think, princess. Best of both worlds if you agree.”

“You really think this will work?”

“Why not?” Eddie shrugs while grabbing one of her fries. 

“You really want to choose?” Steve asks. “I mean, you can. We won’t take it personally.”

“I thought…I thought you were…interested in each other,” she whispers the last part. The men laugh. 

“I mean, Harrington’s easy on the eyes,” Eddie says with a wink. “But lot of the time we were talking about you.”

“What?”

“Yeah,” Steve says. “Not all the time but yeah. We couldn’t get a read on you.”

“Until you started asking us about each other.” Eddie grins and nudges her with his leg. It forces her to knock into Steve. “So what do you say, princess? Willing to give us a chance?”

“Only if you stop calling me princess,” she says automatically. They both go still. 

“Does that mean yes?” Steve asks after a moment. 

She sighs. “I’m never going to get any peace, am I?” 

Eddie throws his arm around her and yanks her into his side. “Nope!” He lets go just as quickly. 

Steve leans closer, drawing her attention to him. “We’ll make it worth it.” 

“Okay,” she says softly. “Why not?”

Eddie grins. “That’s the spirit! Be adventurous!”

“I need a nap,” she mutters to herself. Steve just laughs. 

taglist: @raith-way  @arrthurpendragon @zeleniafic @jvstjewels @veetlegeuse @chickensarentcheap @nejires-hado @residentdormouse @endless-oc-creations @stanshollaand @wordspin-shares @chrissymunson

st tag: @happinessinthedarkesttimes

[silvertsundere]

Silver Talks AniManga (29/10/23)

veeeeeeeeeeeeeery late this week I know it's my own fault really, I was warned by my buddy mega that yozakura would be a dense read and take a while but I didn't listen and underestimate how long it'd take, I should've started during the week but I only started reading on saturday NIGHT so no way in hell I was gonna be able to catch up.. by the time I went to bed on sunday I was on 111/200 so oof.. also didn't mon tue or wed so that's why the post is so late but anyhoo

green - new series/new to me pink - catching up

Anime

Frieren Ep8

very good episode like usual, even more for me cause of all the action. looks like the next one will also have quite a bit of it so I'm pogged up

Undead Unluck Ep4

bro that episode went absolutely INSANE?? HELLO the sakuga was so good I was losing my gourd I'm so glad uu got the adaptation it deserves also my queen yuuki absolutely stole the show, really showing why she's up there with the best of the best, it's gonna be sad not getting more gina til like cour 4 but it'll be worth the wait

Pokemon Horizons Ep26

pretty chill episode after all the excitement from last week's cour finale, mostly just setting up the plot for the future. tho we also got a new op and it goes absolutely crazy

Adult Precure Ep4

alright episode, mostly about what saki and mai have been up to, saki being engaged and mai breaking up with her bf. I know that in their shows, from the very start, the girls have crushes on boys (ofc it couldn't be otherwise cause toei are cowards) but you gotta understand how deep in the yuri mines I am. hearing them actually say they're engaged or dating a man gave me whiplash

Imas Million Live Ep4

good episode as usual, the best part was getting a lot more screentime for some of the girls that were barely in the other eps, tho it still wasn't that much and since this isn't following the og format there's always gonna be some girls that won't get their time to fully shine sadly. also got a couple momoko moments™ including the box so that was funny

Manga

Mission: Yozakura Family Ch1 - 200

wowie that was.. a lot better than I expected. honestly went in not expecting much, and after having just caught up to jujutsu from 1 to current I wasn't expecting yozakura to be so good since jujutsu is so much more popular but, hot take: I think it's way better like sheesh. I talked about it on my server but the only I thing I think jujutsu has over yozakura is the battles, otherwise it's beat in every category. I like the art a lot more, even from ch1 yozakura had waaaaay better paneling than even current jujutsu. and the whole cast is a lot more likeable. like from jujutsu I cared about gojo, nanami, maki and okkotsu. in yozakura we get cooldown chaps were the different family members do their own stuff and interact with each other which helps you get to know them more and in doing so liking them more, while still using these chaps to move the plot along so the pacing isn't too slow (outside of that little side detour with the past heads that got cut short prob by the editor but yknow)

anyway rambling and just repeating what I already said in the server but TL;DR it's good, glad to be caught up, and looking forward to it wrapping up in the near future since we're close to the final arc

Witch Enforcer Ch1

I started this mostly on a whim cause the art is good (artist's on here too btw @ camellia0x0) but I was pleasantly surprised. there was nothing surprising about the story but it was delivered well and the art was solid through the whole chap (tho the paneling is very basic but I'll give them a pass since it's their first serialization [only some one shots before]) and the concept of a witch making and using mechs is fun. looking forward to seeing this artist's growth as a mangaka, hopefully the series doesn't get axed too early

Undead Unluck 181

good chap, especially the end tho. never thought this could be a possibility but it makes total sense there'd be a reverse evil union on the side of god. never thought about it since we had under before. really curious to see how the next chap gonna but it's prob just gonna be introducing all those baddies that people will fight in the final arc

[rebeccccccaaa]

ʙɪɢɢᴇsᴛ ғᴇᴀʀs

_________________________

ʙᴜᴄᴋʏ ʙᴀʀɴᴇs x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

ʀᴇǫᴜᴇsᴛᴇᴅ: (ANON) Heyyya I saw that you were taking requests! I love your writing and could I maybe get a fic where the reader is slightly new to the avengers and they’re at one of Tony’s parties and someone tells the entire team how she’s always felt that no one could lover her and somehow Bucky reveals his feelings for her and it maybe ends in smut or fluff? Thank you 💗

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs: Smut 18+, Bucky gets upset and it’s kinda hot ;), insecure!reader, fluff

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ’s ɴᴏᴛᴇ: Thank you for the request darling! I tweaked it a bit but i think i did alright… Anyhoo enjoy!!

_______________________

“Quite the party, Tones. Really one up yourself tonight didn’t you?” Nat said after everyone cleaned up. It was around one in the morning, Everyone that Tony invited to yet another extravagant party had finally left.  Leaving you and the rest of the team for a small little after party,  as per usual  according to Nat.

You joined the Avengers not long ago and you had yet to be invited to one of Tony's parties.  This was the first of many to come and boy, did those fantasies get fulfilled.  Guests dressed to the nines occupied every corner of the room, it was almost too crowded for your taste. 

But now here you were settled on the couch with the rest of your teammates laughing and giggling about stupid things that happened during the party. 

“Hey, you had fun,” Tony pointed sternly at Nat, who simply shrugged with a devilish smirk. 

“So what now? Because I don’t know about you guys but I am not tired at all,” Clint groaned.

“Truth or dare?” Nat said.

“What?” 

“Truth. Or. Dare,” she repeated.

“Dare,” he challenged.

“Lift Thor’s hammer,” she mocked, considering the last they all tried it no one succeed and a robot crashed their party.

“Alright,” he grunted, standing up.

“Tony, got any robots that wanna kill you this time?” He laughed.

“I don’t think so,” Tony looked around, making everyone laugh.

“What happened last time?” you whispered to Bucky. 

“I have no idea, I was in hiding after I almost killed my best friend,” he whispered back.

“I’m so sorry,” you had a shocked look on your face.

“It’s ok, doll. We’re all fine and dandy now,” he winked, making you feel flustered. 

Bucky had the one you felt most friendly with. Nat too but you usually spent most of your time with him. He was just so nice to you and not to mention how incredibly charming and handsome he is.

“Had enough?” Nat said.

“Bitch,” Clint grumbled before sitting down after having failed yet again to lift Thor’s hammer.

“Who’s next!”

You guys went back and forth giving dares to everyone, from making Steve and Bucky have a beer chugging contest, to asking Vision if he had a dick, you know being a robot at all, to you taking three shots of tequila with no chase, ultimately failing and almost dying.

“Ok, we’re doing too many dares; I’m running out of ideas,” Nat laughed.

“Y/n, truth or dare.”

“Truth, I guess,” you said.

“What’s… your biggest fear?” a collection of ‘ooh’s’ and ‘ah’s’ echoed.

“Oh, well uh… clowns,” you chuckled, not really wanting to reveal you real fear; you felt it was kinda stupid.

“Clowns? Bitch, please. What is it for real?” Nat scooted to you.

“Um… well, uh-”

You took a deep breath.

“Being unlovable,” you whispered.

“What? We love you, Y/n. You’re family now; we all love you,” Steve spoke up.

“Yeah we love you,” everyone chimed in. 

“I know it’s stupid,” you said, shaking it off.

“It’s not stupid if it’s your biggest fear,” Nat said rubbing your back.

“I guess what I mean is… You know that love where you just think about that person and your palms get sweaty, you start feeling hot, your stomach kind of erupts into butterflies. And it's just because you thought about them. You see their smile and you want to smile too. You see them laugh and it's music to your ears; and all you can think about for the rest of the day is how you can make that person laugh again. And when you touch them, your fingertips start to tingle. Your body turns cold and then they leave and then your body turns really hot and you get super sweaty. That kind of love is so intimate between you and that person. I've never had that and I'm terrified that I never will.”

Everyone looked at you with their full attention. They never really thought about it because they’ve all loved someone. Steve felt that way about Peggy, Tony with Pepper, Nat and Bruce felt that way with each other, Thor had Jane, Clint was married and had a family, Wanda and Vision. It was just you Sam and Bucky and it was obvious you three had never been in love like that.

“How can you say that?” Bucky broke the silence.

“What?”

“How can you be afraid you’ll never be loved? Y/n, any man, woman, anybody would be the luckiest person alive to call you there’s. You are so special and unlike anybody I’ve ever met. I see you smile and it’s like a work of art. Your laugh is the most precious thing I’ve ever heard. Everytime you touch me I can’t help but wish…,” he paused, remembering there were other people around.

“You’re perfect and anyone who can’t see that is goddamn fucking idiot,” he huffed. Bucky didn’t give anyone time to process what he said before he left the room to his own.

“I think I’m done… for the night,” you whispered walking out. 

“Yeah good night guys,” Nat followed you out. 

Everyone scattered and went to their rooms, tension still in the air. You went to your room and thought about Bucky’s words. It felt like there was something between you two but it was exactly clarified. You changed into sleepwear and decided to talk to Bucky real quick before bed.

“Buck?” you softly knocked on his door.

“Hey,” he said, awkwardly opening the door.

“Can I come in?”

“Of course,” he opened the door wider and closed the door behind you.

“I thought about what you said, tonight.”

“Yeah, I didn’t mean to upset you or make you uncomfortable,” he scratched his neck.

“I’m not upset.”

There was a moment of silence between you.

“Y/n,” he spoke up.

“Yeah?” 

“I like you,” he said bluntly.

“So when I heard you say you didn’t know if you were unlovable I got kinda upset because well,” he trailed off.

 “Really?” you asked, smiling softly.

“Yeah, I get it if you don’t-”

“No! I do, I do. I like you,” you laughed. Bucky breathed out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He walked closer to you until he stood toe to toe with you. Your stomach fluttered like you wished it would for so long before . You felt hot and resisted the urge to reach out and touch him.

“You’re so beautiful, Y/n,” he cupped your face.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked.

“Yes, please,” you responded.

You melted ainst Bucky when his lips touched yours. You felt unsteady and reached forward to holding his waist, smaller than you originally thought. He walked slowly forward until your knees buckled and you sat on the bed. 

You fell back and pulled on top of you making Bucky’s hips settle between your legs. His rough hands felt gentle moving slowly up your body under your shirt. His hands brushed the curve of your breasts making you gasped lightly. 

Bucky lips traced your jaw line and you moved your head back giving him room to nip at your neck. Your hands instinctively went to hair and you moaned softly at Bucky's lips on your neck. 

You slightly pushed him off of your body and lifted his shirt. Bucky lifted his arms not without a chuckled and discarded to the floor. You moaned at the sight of his muscular torso, your nails lightly scratching him make his abs tighten under your fingertips.

You practically tore your own shirt off before throwing yourself to him kissing him hard. He laughed wrapping his arms around your bare torso bracing himself from falling on the floor with his feet.

“You’re so handsome, Bucky,” you giggled.

“And you’re so gorgeous,” he responded.

You both rid of your bottoms and you laid back for Bucky to hover over you. His eyes were lustful, nearly black, as he stared hungrily into your own. Your skin raised, chills running down your spine. Bucky kissed you as he lined himself with your entrance. 

Up until this moment you hadn’t realized how wet you were, arousal practically oozing from you onto your thighs. You peeked in between your bodies and was taken back by his impressive size.

“Is it gonna fit?” you looked up at him.

“Of course. But if not, well there are plenty of ways to give my girl pleasure.”

“Your girl?” you smirked.

“Hell yeah, doll. I didn’t almost reveal that I’ve been waiting to get my hands on your delicious body for nothing.”

“You’re too funny,” you kissed his nose.

“Are you ready?” he asked, his face softening.

“Yeah.”

He pushed himself in sliding easily from your slick. You closed your eyes and moaned as did Bucky, throwing his head back slightly from pleasure.

“You feel fucking amazing, baby,” he groaned.

You just moaned feeling incredibly full. You squeezed his shoulders allowing him permission to move and he resisted thrusting animalistically because you felt so velvety. You felt so warm and perfect; like you made for him and him for you.

“Fuck, Bucky. Harder please. Fuck me hard.”

“You sure honey?” he questioned not wanting to hurt you.

“Yes, please!”

He grabbed your hands and brought them over your head thrusting into like a maniac. Your back arched causing Bucky to hit an entirely new angle making you moan louder. 

“God you sound so fucking pretty. Those precious little sounds from me fucking you stupid,” he whispered lowly in your ear. 

“Fuuck!” you drew out. Your legs wrapped around Bucky pulling him closer chasing your orgasm. 

“Look at that, baby. Look how your pussy’s taking me,” Bucky grunted. 

You looked down to see the lewd image of Bucky going  and out of you repeatedly. It was so eroctic however, and you moaned before finally feeling the tightened coil in the pit of your stomach burst. 

Your back arched once again and your arms wrapped around Bucky’s neck after he let go reaching his own high too. You both moaned before settling in silence; your body trembled under him and Bucky breathed heavily into your shoulder.

“Fuck, that was unbelievable, doll,” Bucky laughed.

“Yeah, man. You’ve got a good dick,” you smirked.

“If you let me, I want to take you out. On a real date,” Bucky said.

“I’d love that,” you smiled. 

You two fell asleep that night and woke up in each other's arms. Bucky took out to breakfast, then lunch, and then dinner. You guys didn’t like the food at the restaurant too much so you used Tony’s card that you snuck out and went to McDonald’s dressed highly inappropriately, better dressed for Tony’s party than this. 

Nonetheless, it was perfect and that fear you had long disappeared for everyday bucky made sure you knew he loved you. And of course you did the same.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

One Night🌙3

Warnings: noncon sexual acts (to be warned later in series)

This is dark!Andy Barber and explicit. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: One night changes your entire life.

for @kittykatlow​‘s 200 Follower Celebration

Note: Chapter 3 as I fight with every other fic to co-operate with me but here it is.

Hope you enjoy it. Thank you. Love you guys!

Please leave some feedback, like and reblog <3

The next day, you went through your shift like a zombie. Despite the deepening pit of hunger in your stomach, you ate your meals without tasting them' without enjoying a bite. You were so distracted by this man’s sudden unshakeable presence in your life that you couldn’t think of what you were doing at any given moment. You just did it.

Your phone rang as you swayed with the puttering of the city bus. You frowned at the number you didn’t recognize and answered with a yawn. No closing shift that night. You ignored the call but your phone lit up again before you could drop it back into your bag. You hit the button on the wire of your earbuds and answered.

“Hello?” You said.

“You working?” Andy asked. You knew his voice, it haunted you as it continued to echo in your mind; ‘The hard way or the easy way’.

“On my way home,” You answered hesitantly. “Can’t I have one night to--”

“You’ve had the day to think. You don’t have that much time,” He interrupted. “How far along are you? Three months?”

“Please…”

“Just give me an answer.” He said.

You paused and read the stop across the banner as it flashed and the rope was pulled with a ding. You glanced out the window. Your stop was still another fifteen minutes away. You sighed and shifted in your seat.

“I don’t have one,” You said quietly. “I barely slept and I worked--”

“I’ve been working all day too,” He insisted. “You’ll see I work hard. For myself, for my family.”

“Look, I don’t need the lecture, alright? Maybe you think what I do is easy but--”

“Easy? You shouldn’t be on your feet so much, not in your condition. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.” He sniffed.

“Alright, well, you’re going to have to wait for your answer,” You said tersely. “I’m tired, I’m going home to take a nap, then I’ll make up my mind.”

You hung up and dropped your phone into the gaping mouth of your purse. Your music began again, the vibrant tunes of 80s pop contrasted the grey Massachusetts sky. The lyrics were a buzz in your ear as you rocked and waited for your stop. You grew more and more anxious as you neared it.

You got off at the corner of your street and the bus chugged on. You dragged your feet along and stopped at the familiar car parked by the curb of your parents’ house. Shit. You sped up and peeked through the tinted windows; empty. You stormed down the driveway and through the door.

You stopped just inside the entryway as you turned to peer into the living room. Andy sat on the sofa, one leg bent over the other as he leaned back casually. He slowly looked at you and smiled. He wore an expensive suit and polished leather shoes. He must have come straight from the courthouse.

“What--” You began.

“Did you want anything in your coffee?” Your mother appeared from the dining room. 

“Just cream,” Andy replied. “Thank you.”

“Not at all. Oh, there she is,” Your mom tweaked a brow as she looked to you. “Coffee?”

“No, thank you,” You stepped through the archway and crossed your arms.

You glared at Andy and your mother disappeared back through the dining room and the fridge gave a loud suck as it opened.

“Good. Caffeine isn’t healthy for the baby.” He stretched his arm over the back of the couch.

“Shut up.” You hovered in the doorway. “What are you even doing here?”

“I came for my answer.” He sat up and you gulped as your mom entered again. 

“Here you are,” She handed him the mug and he took it with another thank you.

“You mind if I have a few minutes to talk to your daughter?” He set down the coffee on the low table. 

“Of course, Mr. Barber,” She preened.

“Andy, I told you,” He waved away her formality.

“Well, you know, I am so very sorry about what happened to your family… Andy,” She folded her hands together. 

“Thanks,” He looked down dramatically.

“Anyhoo,” Your mother broke the lull, “I will leave you to it.”

She shot you a look as if to say that she wanted no part of whatever trouble this was. She left and you set your bag down as you sat in the armchair. You picked at your nail and grimaced.

“You really couldn’t wait?” You huffed.

“Well, it’s like you said, we don’t really know each other. I can’t trust you. Yet.” He paused and sipped from the coffee. “I hope you make better coffee than your mother.”

“Hmmph,” You grumbled. 

“If I let you have your couple hours, you could just as soon be on your way out of town. Not that you’d get far.” He grinned. “You know, the uniforms always keep a patrol by the bus station? Lotta people think they can make a quick run on a greyhound.”

“I don’t care about the goddamn police.” You sneered.

“You seem pretty indifferent to most things. Not a very admirable trait so far. Especially with a baby on board. How long do you think you can afford to be so oblivious?” He rolled his shoulder and scratched his beard. “I’m not trying to ruin your life, I’m trying to help you fix it.”

“Well, Christ, Andy, you think maybe I need a little more time to think things through? To actually process what the fuck is going on here? You’ve done this before, I haven’t.” You were seething as you gripped the arm of the chair. “I don’t know what to do, okay?”

“It’s not that hard. I’ve--”

“You’re pregnant?” Your mother interjected as she appeared from around the corner, the shadows of the unlit dining room hanging over her shoulders like a cape.

“What the hell? Have you been listening?” You stood.

“Not intentionally but it’s hard not to hear.” She hissed. “What, were you going to wait until you popped it out and I had no choice but to pick up after your kid like I have for you for the last three decades?”

“No, I--”

“With all due respect, we were talking about the very opposite of that,” Andy rose calmly. 

“You fucked a married man?! His wife is on fucking life support!” Your mother shouted. “Fuck’s sake, and you!” She turned on Andy. “You’re both disgusting.”

“Mom,” You warned.

“This isn’t happening in my house.” She scoffed. “None of it. You take your things and go with this… this man.” She raged as she marched towards you. “Get out. You’re done leeching off of us.”

“Leeching? Well, mom, you can see if you can scrape together my half of the rent yourself as you sitting around here watching your goddamn soaps.” You snapped.

“Get the fuck out of my house, you ungrateful bitch!” She shoved you and you barely caught the chair to keep from falling.

She stumbled back herself as Andy grabbed her arm and spun her around. His eyes were lit with fury as he squeezed her shoulders.

“You don’t touch her. She’s carrying your grandchild. My child. You will not touch her, ever again.” He growled.

“You--you--” Your mother wriggled against him and brought her index up to jab in his face. “I bet your son fucking did it.”

“You shut your mouth,” He said slowly, quietly.

“Andy,” You rushed over and clung to his wrist. “Don’t hurt her.”

“I don’t need your help,” Your mother tried to elbow you away.

Andy flung her aside and she caught herself on the ottoman. He turned to block you from her.

“I’ll call the cops,” She threatened as she righted herself.

“Go ahead. They should be here to supervise your forced eviction.” He crossed his arms. “Your daughter pays her portion of the rent, that means she has the right to take her belongings with her and the time it takes to do so. For your own safety as much as hers, I think maybe the police are a good idea.”

Your mother’s face wrinkled, first with anger, then a slight trickle of fear. She stared up at Andy then glanced around him at you. She shook her head and smiled darkly.

“Fine, get your things,” She backed away. “I’ll tell your father you said goodbye.”

She rolled her eyes and shooed you with her hand as she stomped back through to the dining room. You heard her footsteps on the kitchen tile and the groan of the screen door before it clattered. She would hide with your father in the garage until you were gone. You didn’t expect a proper farewell.

You covered your face with your hands and held in the scream that bubbled in your chest.

“What the fuck have you done?” You asked as you dropped your hands.

“It’s fine. I told you, I’ll take care of you.” He turned slowly to face you.

“No, you won’t.” You spat. “There’s my choice.”

You spun as you grabbed your bag and blustered away from him up the stairs. He followed you to your room and you ignored him as you dialed your phone and pulled open the drawers of your dresser. You held the phone to your ear with one hand as you bent to pull out your suitcase from under your bed.

“Felicia? Hey, how are you?” You asked as you started to dump your clothes by the armful into the bag.

“Good,” She sang. “What’s up? Looking for another girls’ night?”

“Not exactly,” You muttered. “Look, I really don’t wanna do this to you but it’ll only be a couple nights. Um…” You stopped and rubbed your forehead as you turned to watch Andy staring at your bookcase. “I got in another fight with my mom and she’s… kicked me out. I need--”

“Ohhh,” She uttered. 

“Ohhh, what?” You stopped as Andy took a book out and opened it.

“Well, you remember Benny? He’s kinda… here for a while.” She said.

“Oh,” You nodded and your heart sank.”

“I’m sorry, if I--”

“No, no, I shouldn’t have sprung this on you. I’ll find something. It’s fine.” 

“I really am--”

“Please, don’t be sorry,” You cursed in your head. “Look, go have fun with Benny. I’ll figure it out.”

“Well don’t… Well, just let me know, okay?”

“Right, bye.” You hung up.

You scrolled through your contacts; Shaileen had moved away last month, Deena had roommates, Marcy had kids and a husband, and the rest were just… strangers by now.

“So…” Andy closed the book.

“Don’t, okay?” You opened the second drawer and emptied it. “Just for a little bit.”

As you opened the third drawer he came to help you. You shoved your heavy old laptop into the mesh pocket and as you closed the suitcase he stopped you.

“One condition,” He said.

“One?” You shook your head.

“Call the doctor. Make an appointment.” He stated. “I’ll be going with you.”

“Fine, but I have my own conditions.” You countered.

“I’d love to hear them,” He chuckled.

“I want my space. That means no touching,” You backed away from him, “That means you leave me be. I go to work, I come home, I sleep, I go to your dumb appointments, and you leave me alone.”

“It’s my house, not a motel,” He said.

“Motel? That’s a good idea.” You shrugged.

“Which you could afford for maybe a week, I’m sure.” He pushed back his jacket as he gripped his hips. “I’m offering you a place to live. We’ll get used to each other. We have a whole six months left to do that.”

“Six months?” You rubbed your cheek. “Andy…”

As far as I’ve seen it, you’ve lost all your leverage in this,” He said. “I’m doing you a favour because as it stands, I’m your only option.”

You chewed your lip and narrowed your eyes. You swallowed and nodded.

“I gotta get the rest of my stuff,” You said softly. “That okay with you?”

“Sure,” He finished zipping up your suitcase. “This one ready to go?”

“Yeah,” You threw up your hands. “Sure.”

He walked out with your bag and you grabbed a tote and crossed the hall to the bathroom. You filled it with your shampoo, body wash, lotions, toothbrush, and other toiletries. As you went back into the hallway, he was there, by your bedroom door, waiting. 

You slipped past him into your room to grab your purse and shoved it into the top of the bigger bag. You came back out as you slung the straps over your shoulder.

“I don’t care about the rest,” You said. “She can keep the books.”

He followed you outside and as you approached the driveway, the garage door slid open. You stopped as your father appeared on the other side and Andy caught your shoulders to keep from colliding with you. Your mother scowled from behind your father.

“You goin’?” He asked.

“She wants me out.” You shrugged.

“My house too,” He said. Always a man of few words.

“So… you gonna make her keep me?” You challenged.

“You keepin’ the kid?”

You looked over your shoulder at Andy and sighed. You turned back and nodded.

“Sorry,” He shook his head. 

“Yeah, me too,” You swallowed the bitterness on your tongue. “I figured as much.”

You spun away and continued down the driveway.

“You touch my wife?” You heard your dad ask Andy. You stopped and glanced back.

“I restrained her from harming your daughter.” Andy said evenly. 

Your dad frowned and looked at your mother as she avoided his gaze.

“I can’t abide it in my household, you understand?” Your father said.

“Not my house,” Andy said. “But you’re welcome to see your grandchild when it’s born. Welcome to check in on your daughter.” He started to step away and paused. “This wasn’t my call.”

He nodded towards your mother then made his way to you. He touched your arm gently and turned you away from the garage.

“Let’s go.” He muttered as he ushered you down to the curb.

He took your bag and dropped it in the backseat. You got in as he did, quiet. You buckled in as he started the car and you bent forward to grip your head. You sat back heavily as he began to drive.

“It was your call. I’m not stupid.” You glared at the dashboard. “This is exactly what you wanted.”

He didn’t answer as he turned the corner. He hit a button on the wheel and began to flip through the radio stations. He settled on a classic rock station and hummed along.

‘It’s down to me, yes it is.The way she does just what she’s told, down to me. The change has come. She’s under my thumb. Ah, ah, say it’s alright…’

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh Ep 35 S4: Raphael Joins the Pile of Dead Bodies

Ah 2020, thankfully we have one trashfire somewhat behind us, but I’m still avoiding social media for so many obvious reasons because of all the other trashfires that just never seem to stop burning, so lets talk about Yugioh with all of this newfound time.

Ah, card games. Card games that go on for 6-7 episodes. Lets see how they pad it out:

In a lot of ways, Roland really is just padding for the show, and that’s OK. He’s doing his best, by doing literally nothing but stand outside and check the time.

Inside the dusty soul chamber, Tristan has decided to do us the favor of recapping what happened last episode, which included the return of our four dead friends, so that they could die...again.

Seto’s reaction to seeing these dead people suddenly alive again was very “guys...I went nuts like years ago, I’m just going with it at this point.” and he’s still 100% positive that this is all a hologram and that no one will ever die.

Whatever it takes for Seto to get out of bed in the morning, I guess.

(read more under the cut)

One of the big mechanics the game is that you need to stay level headed, or the Orichalcos just kind of slurps you up. This explains a little why Dartz is so freakin chill basically all of the time, just the Bob Ross of evil over there. It also is sort of funny because Pharaoh and Seto are the least chill people to have ever lived so he’s just kind of waiting it out to see whom between Seto and Kaiba gets the most angry first and completely botches it.

Yugi has to do literally nothing and for the first time in his life this is the right choice.

I’m so glad he gets to use his big brain move of “If I don’t play, no one dies!” from S1. Glad it came back to serve him for once instead of just make everyone else really annoyed.

Yugi just...not moving means it’s now Seto’s turn to put down some cards, and he kinda looks over at Pegasus and goes...well you know what’s gonna happen next.

I have no idea why he didn’t attack Pegasus. Like this episode is kind of weird because we got these flashbacks of Pegasus being like “you’re my only hope, Yugi!” and it’s like wtf, Pegasus trapped you on a murder island and tried to kill you multiple times. He abducted Mokuba and turned both the Kaiba brothers into cards.

yo did Seto and Pegasus get back together in between seasons or something? Was there a whole character development where these two have fun brunches in San Fransisco now? Because I would watch that anime. I would watch the anime where Seto and Pegasus are co-hosting Diners, Drive-ins and Dives, and just destroying every unsuspecting local restaurant they brunch in.

But are we just assuming that the eyeball did all that evil stuff from S1 and that otherwise Pegasus is a good person? Because like...he was a mess before he got possessed. He’s kind of a Yugi, he’s kind of a Bakura, he’s kind of a Marik...in that there’s a mess in that bean, and getting possesed just only amplified what was already there.

So, with his smug as hell grin, Seto surprises Dartz by only barely getting affected by this inescapable moral dilemma and Seto just very quickly deciding to do a murder. And then we get a little blimp throwback to S2 (S3? I don’t even remember at this point, since we’ve been stuck in S4 for an entire year. Thanks 2020.)

If blocking the shot when Marik did it in S3 or S2 or whenever that was, didn’t get Mai to like Joey, then it shouldn’t work if you do it a second time.

But hey, I guess it’s better than letting her perma-die. Although this show desperately needs to figure out how to use Mai if they’re gonna keep her around, youknow?

Like all ships are fine and valid here, ship whatever you want to your hearts content: I don’t ship at all, as you know, but I hope one day they give Mai a personality that is consistently likeable. I do want to like her because she’s like...good at what she does when she plays cards and can be that can be a fun “hey I’m a girl but I’m not a freakin ‘gamer girl’ you male chauvinist assholes” type of character. But, the show just...the show doesn’t know what they want outside of a little romantic tension that they legally can’t follow through because of a 5-6 year age gap with a teenager.

This show actively tries to destroy this ship, and then turns around and is like “oh shoot this ship is all we have.” This show tries to lift up Mai as a feminist icon one season, and then tears her down for being “too” feminist the next season when she decides to--youknow--kill Joey Wheeler because he made her feel weak or something when he saved her life. 

Like the show does a lot to explore weakness and strength, and how what we see as weakness is actually strength, and how what we tend to attribute as strengths is actually weakness, and how our modern career/school/success expectations set us up for failure, but I think they explored that way better with Seto than they ever did with Mai.

Could’ve been cool Mai, you could’ve been cool.

Anyhoo, that was my spicy commentary on a 10+ year old anime, good to get it off my chest.

Seto and Yami have the typical problem they have whenever they play cards together, where one goes completely rogue. Except this time, the one going rogue isn’t Seto, it’s Yami. He’s just like...I’ll make life for Seto very difficult and I will lose this game and I don’t even mind because I’m already dead, deal with it.

So honestly this is an episode where it’s just Seto demanding we kill a bastard, and Yami being like “but not THAT bastard” and Seto just shrugging and saying “I have to kill A bastard, Yugi! Just CHOOSE one!”

That actual line in the show (I forget what it was exactly) does infer that Seto thinks Joey holds him back, and that implication speaks miles about Seto’s insecurities.

HOW THOUGH..........what are you jealous of, Seto?

You’re better at cards than he is, he’s never beat you at anything. It’s not about who’s best friends with Yugi because...Yugi’s possessed so Yami is always going to take first place...

......so what could it possibly BE?

Seto doesn’t attend school anymore, is it about that? Is it because Joey is likeable? Is it because Joey pretends he has a much older girlfriend? I mean hypothetically, Blue Eyes White Dragon is WAY older than Mai so...that can’t be it.

.....what IS it???

Does the “friendship” he have with Joey make Seto too soft? Is that what’s holding him back? Because Seto doesn’t actually think he’s friends with these people and says that Yugi and co are “Mokuba’s friends” so like....

.....what are you talking about, Seto???

Is it because you’re addicted to cards again? Because that’s...sort of Joey’s fault because he was the one who told you he needed a ride to Jacksonville, and then let slip that the “King of Games” title was up for grabs, is that it?

Are you just tired of Joey asking you for a ride?

Not like it matters, because Joey survives, and Seto gets to feel like a complete asshole about it.

As Raphael (who is this purple blur here) motorcycles into the dome of souls, Rolands last words were

“You can’t go in there!”

which was the weirdest thing to say to a guy you just saw fall down a 50 story building a few hours ago. Raphael not being dead should be the thing Roland fixates on, but instead he’s seen so many people die and come back to life, that he’s only concerned that Raphael will get in trouble for trespassing.

Again, Roland is the only Kaiba that hasn’t died yet, and it’s because he’s the only Kaiba that hasn’t broken the law.

Dude. What if the reason Roland is standing outside is because he’s been politely looking for the doorbell to be let in?

...the players asking for death...like clockwork...and me asking for the end of this freakin game...we played...1 turn this episode...

This episode was 1 turn!

And you may ask...well what else could possibly happen to stretch this out and well...

Raphael dives in on a motorcycle to save the day. Which is an aesthetic, by the way, this huge man covered in like a dozen belts, doing a wheelie jump into a chasm of 1 million souls. that’s an aesthetic.

So he shows up, gets off his bike and I was like “Oh good, someone to maybe save Yugi saving Joey saving Mai?” And instead, I was...not given that.

Mostly Raphael is here because he ALSO wants to kill Dartz, and is like “can I join? I know you’ve only played like 1 round, just deal me a new hand, it’ll be fine.” and it’s like...we already played the Orichalcos Raphael, this is not a game of Uno, you cannot just jump in.

Dartz is sort of obsessed with how everyone around him has potential for evil except for him, the chillest human to ever be born, and I gotta say...when he’s in this room...Dartz has a point.

+++++++++++++RANT ABOUT BEING PERFECT FEEL FREE TO SKIP++++++++++++++

It is sort of nice to have the concept of an older generation (in this case 10,000 years older) fighting with a younger generation. To have the older, more typically wiser generation say “Listen, I kinda screwed the planet and the war economy and the prison system...and I’m gonna keep doing that...and you can’t stop me because you’re a bunch of hypocritical dumbasses.” and then the younger generation say. “We don’t care if we’re a mess, dude. We aren’t the problem here.”

I may be putting some recent topical STUFF into this mold here, but it is a nice little analogy that they made even someone who is such a human disaster as Yami and Seto “morally good” enough to fight Dartz. You don’t have to be a perfect Harvard Grad to fight the system, you don’t have to be an entirely problematic-free savior, you can be even as problematic as Seto Kaiba--just get rid of the dumb assholes trying to destroy the world. That’s all.

Like this concept is strangely prescient because in 2020 we’re in a weird time period where if you aren’t perfect, you’re not allowed to have opinions. You’re not allowed to make content. You’re not allowed to make change. This is mostly an online problem in places like twitter, but it’s a real problem--because in the end what you’re left with is no one that wants to step up to the plate because they know that they, too, are flawed.

And like not even just as a political thing, even as a creator, as an artist, I see this problem more and more with kids. Kids who are like “I am afraid to draw because what if I do it wrong and I get dragged on twitter years later?” or “I want to make a story, but I’m afraid to get cancelled because my fantasy story has problematic stuff in it? Am a bad person for wanting to write it?” And it’s like...what are we doing to young creators right now? Did we all fail humanities? How have we failed art and literature SO badly that we’ve come to this point that people are too afraid to even learn how to do it right?

Anyway that was a tangent, but like...you see the similarities, right? That if you really were as perfect as Dartz either politically or creatively, you’d be a freakin monster and would probably just tear down everyone else around you on twitter rather than lift other people up. It’s a stretch but eh, it’s been a while since I went on a good Yugioh tangent and like

---it’s not like I can say this on twitter---

+++++++++++++++END OF THAT RANT+++++++++++++++++++

So it’s at this point that Dartz turns to Raphael is like “I mean...we weren’t really doing anything else, and Yugi and Yami are playing so slowly...I guess I have time to bust your nuts” and decides to bust his nuts.

Oh hey, I was right.

And yeah, that’s still effed up. Dartz killed his Raphael’s family, left him on an island, and then adopted him later after forcing him to dig up their graves. Like...Raphael, that’s effed up.

He also did the same thing to everyone else (and for Valon he just kinda glazed over that really fast because we had to edit his backstory out of the English version)

PS at this part Mokuba started sweating bullets and Tea leaned over and was like “Is this true, Mokuba?”

And Mokuba was like “...yes.”

Because, I don’t think Mokuba can keep any secret from Tea. Like for reals, Tea may be the most dangerous thing to all of KaibaCorp if she wasn’t so distracted by Yami’s endless string of problems. Mokuba is constantly telling them all of Seto’s deepest darkest secrets and there is like nothing Seto can do about it.

The animation of Gozaburo turning into a beautiful Dartz was just a simple fade to white, but man--imagine if they had dome some crazy effed up animation where Gozaburo just whips back his head and he has ass length blue hair and long, luscious lashes?

Imagine.

Anyway, this was enough for Raphael, who was already our most gullible and unstable person on this show, to just flip that switch and go lime green like all those other minibosses before him.

Really glad we built up Raphael for him to just die at the door hahaha.

That was so freakin random.

OK then. Thanks for nothing, Raphael.

I guess we go to the next episode to see if we finally play another turn? We can hope for good things. But if we don’t play a full turn I will NOT be surprised.

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

[moribundanchor]

The Pelle/Dani Receipts, Post Five: Arrival in Hårga

Dani and the others emerge from the big yellow yonic sun gate and are greeted by several Hårgan youth who relieve them of their bags (and I’m TOTALLY SURE don’t rifle through them) while Pelle runs off camera. He returns shortly thereafter to introduce his sister Dagny, “born the exact same day as me.” 

There are a couple interesting things about this introduction. Number one, the way Pelle emphasizes her birthday underlines how “sister” does not necessarily mean a blood sibling to Pelle. If Dagny were his blood sister and born the exact same day as Pelle, she would be his twin. This is the first time that loose familial usage is really obvious since, well, Ingemar could have easily passed for Pelle's blood brother. Number two, it calls attention again to birthdays (and it is Dani’s birthday at this point, forgotten as far as she knows) and how astrology (or runeology) is important to the Hårgans. Number three, their shared birthday clearly makes Dagny special to Pelle, and so his choice to introduce his American friends to Dagny first takes additional significance. Not to mention Dagny and Dani are oddly similar names, as discussed in this post. And as Pelle does his introduction spiel, Dagny takes the opportunity to sneak a direct look at Dani, appearing to recognize her.

Dani endears herself to Dagny immediately, as she does to the broader Hårgan community throughout the film. When Dagny welcomes them to Hårga in Swedish, Dani replies with the Swedish word for thank you, tack. Pelle scrunched-nose GLOWS, nods encouragingly/proudly at Dani, and exchanges a look with Dagny that says nothing so much as “Isn't she the best?” “Yep, you got a keeper, brother.” And then Dagny abruptly bids them farewell without engaging with the others or saying anything else, as if the entire point was just for her to get a good look at Dani.

Next, Pelle runs ahead of the others to greet Father Odd. This is a particularly fervent, sustained embrace between the two men, even more emotional than Pelle's reunion with Ingemar, with Odd’s face revealing every bit of a parent’s fierce relief at the safe return of a beloved child. As Pelle remembers himself and pulls free, Odd gets a full view of the Americans approaching before/while Pelle is introducing them. He ZEROES IN immediately on Dani, clearly recognizing her before Pelle identifies her, and after his bulging eyes fit back into his skull, Odd says softly to himself, “Wow.” This might apply to the entire group or maybe seeing Josh, one of three persons of color in the whole of Hårga, but it also might just be Odd processing seeing Dani in real life. Odd warmly greets each of the Americans with handshakes and individual welcomes, but for Dani alone, he reserves a hug and “welcome home.” (Note that after Dani is crowned May Queen, Odd will tell her “welcome home” again, but this time in Swedish.) He follows this with “we are so happy to have you,” directed specifically at her, until Odd lamely tries to cover by awkwardly piling on more effusive welcomes and excusing himself.

During the entire scene with Odd talking to the Americans, Pelle’s face is frequently blocked in the camera shot by Dani; they are, again, overlapping. But we can see him from the eyebrows up, making it clear that he’s looking pretty directly and unashamedly at Dani much of the time. Once they arrive in Hårga, Pelle puts little effort into concealing his many stolen glances at her.

Our next scene is only included in the Director’s Cut version of the film, but it’s a good one for general Hårga mood/wholesomeness and Pelle/Dani substance. Everyone settles down in the shadow of the maypole for a little thanksgiving, uncanny vocal harmonizing, and a picnic, seated on the ground in the configuration of the rune Raidho. Again, we will get into the runes in more detail later, but it’s worth noting here that Raidho, meaning “wheel” or journey, is one of Dani’s runes, albeit merkstaved or reversed. Raidho is also one of two runes featured on the maypole itself, along with Fehu, which Pelle just happens to wear. (Sten, the Hårgan Elder who leads with the thanksgiving song during this scene, is also wearing a merkstaved Raidho stitched in yellow, but don’t get AnonLady started on her absurd Dani/Pelle are the new Siv/Sten headcanon no one wants.)

Dani is, as usual, seated between Pelle and Christian on mats that have been laid out in lieu of a table. From the aerial shot, we see that not only is Dani next to Pelle, but she and Pelle are actually sitting on the same mat, and that mat is yellow. (To be fair, Josh, who is also always next to his primary source Pelle, is half on that mat, too. Of course, of all the other newbloods, Josh is the one who comes closest after Dani to respecting Hårga, so we could torture some meaning out of that, too.) Pelle points out the fire pit to Dani, a prime example of Pelle’s tendency to explain Hårgan ways toward Dani. “It’s all our jobs to keep it burning,” he tells her, leaning in, and when Josh--the one whose thesis was supposedly the impetus for the trip--asks him to repeat himself, Pelle brushes him off. “I’ll tell you later.” Note this particular line, not unlike Pelle's later explanation of life being like the seasons, has morbid subtext, because we will eventually see how Dan and Ylva's bodies are cremated in the fire pit. One day, it will be Dani and Pelle's turn to keep it burning that way, too.

After the picnic, Pelle’s group sits on the lawn and hangs out with Ingemar and his guests, watching everyone folk dancing while Hårgan kids romp in a game Ingemar tells them is called Skin the Fool. [rictus smile] 

We first see everyone from Maja’s perspective, as she exits the Youth House, all set for her Christian mission, as it were, and the blocking is significant. At this point, Simon is off-camera, so not only is Christian centered in Maja’s POV, but we have Connie and Ingemar grouped on one end, with Pelle and Dani on the other. The first thing you might notice, other than Maja’s Christian-splayed focal point, is the way Dani is seated on the far end, next to Pelle, not Christian, and how she and Pelle (and Ingemar all the way on the other side) have eerily similar posture: cross-legged, straight-backed, arms resting on legs. All the other newbloods are slouching, leaning, whatever, like you do. Not Dani, and this only becomes more noticeable throughout the movie. In her movements and instincts, Dani almost can’t not be Hårgan.

So not only does Dani unconsciously mirror Pelle and Ingemar as she sits watching, not only is she moving subtly to the music, as if unable to resist dancing even when she’s too self-conscious to join, not only is she sitting closer to Pelle than her boyfriend (look at that picture and tell us who you think is Dani’s boyfriend of 4 years, we’ll wait), but she and Pelle are visually contrasted with the thwarted Hårgan/newblood couple of Ingemar and Connie. And in case that last part isn’t obvious enough, check out the wistful longing radiating from Ingemar once Simon returns, which is even more emphasized in the Director’s Cut, as we’re shown Dani noticing Ingemar pine for Connie, too.

Pelle gently suggests all of the others join the dance, but it doesn’t go anywhere (“I’m too scared,” Dani tells Pelle) until a well-timed flirty kick from Maja pulls Christian into the festivities. When Christian goes, Josh and Mark, who were totally uninterested two minutes earlier, instantly peel off to join, too. I guess they didn’t want to be left making conversation with Dani and Pelle? Anyhoo, this conveniently leaves our OTP alone for one of the High Pelle/Dani Moments, a scene and a scheme that deserves its very own post.

For more, click on The Pelle/Dani Receipts Masterpost

[alice-in-wonderart]

Hi there~ I totally love how you write! Specially Sizhui. That little bunny deserves so much love 🥺. And I also love the scenario for the first wedding night with his s/o that you did with Xingchen. Could you do the same with the little bunny?? Thank you~

I'm so glad you enjoy my writing! Honestly, I was worried I might be ooc, or not detailed enough or god knows what else. Anyhoo, Sizhui definitely deserves a memorable fluffy wedding night! Once more, I delved into the deep end of artsy, overly-descriptive mild sensuality, but since it worked for XXC, why shouldn't it for LSZ. I hope you like it!

State of Dreaming

Do you know that dream-like state of utter peace, where you're swimming somewhere in the middle, between consciousness and sleep, where reality mixes with fantasy, right before you close your eyelids?

Lan Sizhui never thought he'd feel something as mystical while being fully awake, but as he stared into the widened pupils of your eyes, illuminated by the faint candle light in the room, he felt his own consciousness slip away into euphoria. He cupped your face with one hand, pulling you in for a slow and loving kiss. If you were his dream, he never wanted to wake up.

Lan Sizhui had been imagining this day for so long, it nearly became a memory - a wedding, neither grand, nor flashy, not extravagant, or wild, but sweet, memorable and true. You, his lover, his other half, his soulmate, everything he's ever wanted - dressed from head to toe in traditional, ornate red, rivalling the beauty of a wild rose. And of course - the promise, the promise of a bright future together, of a shared life, of infinite companionship, of unconditional love, support and understanding.

The entire night was a blur of dancing, laughing, enjoying each other's company, simply living in the moment. Once the later hours of the night rolled around and the celebration was nearing its end, the two of you decided to finally retire to your room. "The night is still young", he'd whispered in your ear, taking your hand in his and quietly leading you away.

And now, amidst expensive silks you lay, a beacon of beauty and innocence, leaving him utterly breathless. A single flutter of your eyelashes was enough to make his heart flutter like a thousand butterflies. Each breath you took, every movement, every heated stare, everything sent his mind spiralling out of control. No longer aware of his surroundings, he leaned in for a languid kiss.

"Even the world's most mystical views are dull by comparison with your beauty", he barely whispered into your lips, hands gently trailing along your smooth skin. "Even the sun pales in comparison with you", you answered right back, a playful smile adoring your face. His hushed chuckles were enough to set your own heart aflame. Pulling him ever closer, as if he'd slip right through your fingers if you let go, the two of you rolled around the silk sheets, innocent giggles and breathless whispers - the only sound filling the room.

"I could stay here with you forever", Sizhui mumbled with a loving smile and a small blush on his cheeks. "We have all eternity to ourselves", you answered right back, running a hand through his thick, dark locks of hair. "Let us grow old together and leave our own shared legacy behind.", he declared and another arrow was shot right through your heart. "Will you still love me, when I'm old and gray, and feeble?"you asked, nearly getting lost in the abyss of his eyes.

"A life with you has become my most cherished dream. Even when the world turns its back on us and the sky comes crashing down, I will always and forever love you. " His confession as if made the the stars in the sky tremble with admiration.

"Until my very dying breath, until there's nothing left of me, until the very end of time, I will love you with all of my heart." And that was all he'd ever hoped to hear. He moved to leave a kiss your head.

They say home is where the heart is.

They also say, that sometimes home is not a place - it's a person.

Sizhui was home.

Thank you for reading~

[tattletale2020]

My Pet Theory of Perceived Value Chapter 2 the Sequel:

As a corollary to the previous article Crowded House here’s ….Empty House:

So What creates Value:

Perception, Presentation, Maintenance

And What is Value to you:

Quality Product for a Good Price

But more often:

The Best Quality you can Afford

Because:

Best Quality or High End doesn’t come cheap.

Not only that but:

You usually get what you pay for.

Aaaand then:

There’s that whole refinement vs durability misconception.

I learned a cool thing from my most recent boss in the high-end furniture business:

Just ‘cause you paid a lot of money for something, doesn’t make it last longer.

And not only do you have to baby it, but it actually takes more work to take care of it.

Think Maserati vs GMC.

You wouldn’t take your Maserati off-roading and expect it to survive. The same goes for a Boss Suit, Prada Shoes, and Natuzzi Sofa. Ok, Maybe the new Hummer checks all the boxes.

Sooo, why do people buy these things?

Branding!!!!! Ok, not just Branding.

These are things that most of us cannot afford and therefore we aspire to own.

We tend to want what we can’t have.

The Unattainable becomes Sparkly, Seductive, and Redolent with God Light. AAAaaaaahhhhhh!

Which brings us to our current situation….

Empty House.

From Vaccines to Chevy Trucks, we know they’re out there, but they’re not available in ready supply. Even online shopping has slowed down to a chug. Especially from outside of Canada. Read the USA. Where most of our Pie in the Sky, Shiny Unicorn Wishlists come from.

We are in a situation where good things come to those who wait. And we are not used to waiting.

So, doesn’t that make us want it even more?

Increasing its Perceived Value. Unh Hunh.

Take the new GMC Hummer. So Cool. Especially the Crabwalk.

You gotta see this… https://www.instagram.com/p/CNkwJ35hfBW/

Order it now and it’ll take 2 years to get one. But it’s made especially for you and no one else will have the same one.

My Partner works at the local Chevy Dealership and right now there are almost no trucks to be had. Anywhere. So. If you get one, wouldn’t it make you feel like Top Dog.

Retailers can take a lesson from this.

And Yes! Waiting and Scarcity create Value. But hopefully not Insanity.

Cabbage Patch, Buzz Lightyear, Jingle All the Way.’ Oh My.

There’s a certain amount of Sales Savvy in making people wait:

Increased Desirability and Prestige. Don’t forget Prestige. Exclusivity is still a powerful thing. Prestige Cosmetics do this every week. Presell is a huge money maker.

The Art of the Launch

The Teaser.

The GWP! Gift with Purchase, if you’re not a Cosmetic Addict.

And Yes, Waiting and Scarcity create value. But not Ideally!

You really do want to have product to show people, even if you have to order their size.

In comes Online Shopping. You can see it here and we can order it for you online. Without those pesky Shipping Charges.

Symbiotic and Fabulous. Add a discount and you’re golden.

Will Brick & Mortar move more towards being a pick-up/showroom than a place to have a browse and take it home today?

I hope not, because I’m not the only one who enjoys a good Offline Shopping Experience.

True Story:

So, I was buying Shoes last Wednesday……

And you may ask: Why was I out doing that during a pandemic.

Well, from years of wearing heels and working on concrete floors, my knees are shot and I can’t wear any of my shoes anymore. Do you know how hard it is to find Size 11 right now in a sexy flat. Anywhere. Did you know that Amazon’s idea of a Size 11 is a 9.5? So many disappointments and gruelling returns. And I don’t leave the house unless I’m dressed. Well-dressed and Super-Cute. You can tell a lot about a person by their footwear.

Anyhoo, I also insist on shopping local so I had the most awesome community experience at Sole to Sole in Airdrie: Myself, the Store Associate, and one other delightful older customer. At a distance, briefly, fully sanitized, and masked we talked shoes and celebrated each other’s purchases. I left smiling and happy. You could even tell through my mask. Not that I didn’t get an equally professional and satisfying interaction at Walkin’ Around, they just didn’t currently have any Size 11’s.

Don’t let anyone tell you that Shopping Therapy is not a Real Thing.

But, for the time being, Empty House is becoming more and more of a reality.

Delayed Product Deliveries

Incomplete Orders

Narrowing Product Ranges

Are forcing retailers to sell in a different way.

And those that weather this change, will be not be the ones who say: No, sorry we don’t have that in stock right now. But the ones who say: Yes! I can get that for you, what colour would you like me to order?

No one has it in Purple yet. It’ll only take 3 weeks.

Or....We can’t get Purple this season, but it looks soooo good in Orange.

It's on its way. Only 10 Business Days.

And really, Doesn't the Antici..........pation make the Experience even more Pleasurable.

It’s all in how you perceeeeeive it. How you present it. And how badly you want to maintain/retain your customer base.

And Yes, Scarcity and Waiting Time create Urgency and Increase the Perceived Value of Everything. Even Toilet Paper!

Need to retrain your sales/marketing/merchandising/website staff for the current, we-can-get-that-for-you, attitude. Contact me I have enthusiasm and inspiration to spare. leslie.enns@gmail.com

Images:

https://www.pfhub.com/canadian-retail-sales-nose-dive-2-in-december-1658/

https://gmauthority.com/blog/2021/03/gmc-hummer-ev-showing-off-crabwalk-mode-video/

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/business/article-survival-of-the-unicorns-as-the-economy-skidded-so-did-startups-now/ ILLUSTRATION BY ALEXIA KHRUSCHEVA

https://www.trendhunter.com/trends/the-empty-shop

https://www.grandforksherald.com/business/6545811-Clothing-store-Eddie-Bauer-evicted-from-Columbia-Mall

[drsilverfish]

Game of the Gods - 15x08 Our Father Who Aren’t in Heaven

Hey fellow-travellers,

Well done to everyone who speculated Rowena would be the new Queen of Hell!

I’ve just watched the ep. I’m late catching up (and as usual, haven’t jumped into your posts yet, to avoid spoilers) because, here in the UK, we had a very bad, not good, general election result this morning and I’ve been completely sucker punched by it all day.  

Anyhoo, Bucklemming did OK with this one. I mean, it doesn’t, perhaps, have quite all the intricate layers of some of our better writers, but hey, it’s got all the moving parts, including the return of Jungian Self and Shadow-Self metaphor in spades (and a healthy, hopeful integrated version at that, as Adam and Michael!Adam get along and share control of consciousness and the vessel). It also contains plenty of pregnant subtext between Dean and Cas, including <drumroll> a mooted return to Purgatory together where, remember, “It felt pure” (in subtext - between them) and Dean prayed to Cas every night. 

But, leaving those elements to one side for now, I thought I’d talk first about this shot of Cas, praying to Michael with a chessboard prominently in shot:

Which, in the context of the story, reminded me of this:

“In their dwellings at peace they played at tables

Of gold no lack did the gods then know” 

That’s a quote is from the Poetic Edda, a medieval manuscript containing Old Norse poems, which tells something of pagan Norse mythology. 

The quote is about a golden age of the Gods, which comes into being after Ragnarok, the terrible end of the world battle between the Gods and the Giants. In this “end times” battle (as you know) many Gods die and the world is destroyed. However, a new world is born out of the old one, and the surviving Gods are at peace, playing an old Germanic board game, a bit like chess, in Heaven in a new Golden Age. 

This cyclical narrative, where apocalypse leads to renewal, is also present in the Bible in the famous passage in Revelations 21:

“And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea.

And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.

And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God.

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away” (King James Bible)

Chuck has declared, in 14x20 Moriah, “Welcome to the End!” (aka he has declared Ragnarok) and we see him with a chess board in 14x04 Atomic Monsters:

He is, of course, trying to manipulate his “favourite story”, Sam and Dean Winchester, like chess pieces on a board. However, Cas, as we’ve all observed, seems to be outside Chuck’s favoured misery dude-bro plot - a murder-suicide, in which one Winchester kills the other and then themselves. So, the image of Cas with the chessboard in 15x08 tells us that Cas, too (like Chuck) has power over the “chess board”, aka the Game of the Gods. 

Indeed, if my Edda quote proves fruitful, the narrative is telling us that, after this great battle with God (in which some of our heroes may die, at least temporarily) there will be a renewal. Perhaps this is the “Paradise” Jack promised Cas from the womb. 

I mentioned that there was a reference in 15x06 Golden Time to Vonnegut’s novel Breakfast of Champions (Dean, grief-eating cereal as a result of his break-up with Cas, refers to it as “breakfast of champions” at the start of the episode) in this post here:

https://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/189338866109/me-every-relevant-point-now-forever-onwards-for

Dean and Chuck, of course, we know are both Vonnegut fans, thanks to their exchange about Vonnegut in 4x18 The Monster at the End of this Book - very meta, as Chuck, like Vonnegut, likes to insert a character version of himself (Chuck Shurley) into his stories. 

Breakfast of Champions provides a guide for the possible renewal-after-Ragnarok ending of SPN, because in that novel, the writer is persuaded to let go of the control of his characters - to grant them freedom aka true free will.

 Vonnegut also wrote a short story, called “All the King’s Horses” (1951) about a deadly game of chess between a captured US Army Colonel and his guerilla-fighter leader captor (set during the Cold War). 

The captor, Pi Ying, orders that whenever the Colonel, Kelly, loses a chess piece, one of the men captured with him will be executed. That sounds a lot like Chuck, right? Playing a deadly game of chess with his Winchester Gospels’ protagonists and killing those they love for sport in the game, just as he threatens the lives of Jodie, Donna and Eileen in 15x08 (NB: notice he’s trying to erase the feminine from the narrative again!!!).

Eventually, the Colonel, in Vonnegut’s story, realises he can only win the chess game if he sacrifices one of his knights on the board, but these are being “played” by his sons (also captured with him). Just before Pi Ying kills Kelly’s kid, he is himself murdered by his guerilla-fighter girlfriend, who has been watching the cruel chess game along with him (she then kills herself). One of Pi Ying’s men takes over the game, but Kelly wins and so the remaining hostages are freed.

A deadly chess game, the (almost) sacrifice of a son... sounds like Castiel;s son Jack’s sacrifice by Chuck in 14x20 Moriah, right? And presages Jack’s re-entry into the “game”.

We have seen Cas pictured with chess boards before, notably in 8x08 Hunter Heroici:

And, given the numerical symmetry - 15x08/ 8x08 (which season 14 established as a definite “thing” - calling back previous episodes numerically, Ouroboros style) I think this call-back is deliberate. 

In Hunter Heroici, the psychokinetic resident of retirement home Sunset Fields, Fred Jones, is being manipulated, in his vulnerable state, by one of the doctors to use his powers to alter reality so the doc and his accomplice can pull off a series of thefts (e.g. creating cartoon holes for escape purposes).  

Someone powerful enough to alter reality? That becomes a metaphor for Chuck, in this call-back (which, also reminds us of Chip Harrington in 14x15 Peace of Mind). 

Cas eventually brings peace to Fred Jones, by mind-stripping him of his powers so he can’t hurt anyone else (at his request) and then staying with him to play music in his mind for a while in the retirement home. 

This episode, 8x08, is also right in the middle of the narrative in which Castiel himself is being manipulated by Naomi, and the Winchesters (at this point) don’t know it yet. More manipulation of reality by dubious powers of Heaven parallels!

All this ties in quite nicely with Donatello’s attempt to find a clue in the Demon Tablet to being able to lock up Chuck, and which AU!Michael, apparently, gives Team Free Will a spell for at the end of 15x08.

Castiel, master-tactician that he is (never forget the chess game he played with the angels using Biggersons restaurants in quantum super-position in 8x21 The Great Escapist) has a significant part to play in this final chess game with God himself. He’s a powerful player on the board, and a tactician with influence over the board, precisely because Chuck continually discounts him.

[smolbeandrabbles]

Breakfast In The Afternoon - Director Keller x Reader (Captain Marvel)

A spiritual successor to Don’t Let Me Forget it’s the same relationship, anyhoo

Author’s Note: Considering we’re on permanent hiatus with his Space Girl, I figured I might as well go full flow with his Agent, because I miss writing for this man so much.

I won’t lie, a lot of this wouldn’t have happened without this post. I sent this song around literally the day after ‘Dont Let Me Forget’ came out and the general consensus was it was gonna work for a sequel. Breakfast in the Afternoon - Caitlyn Smith

Disclaimer: Gif not mine / lyrics not mine / Captain Marvel characters not mine / Shout out to the aviation page I found with all the innuendos on, honestly, peak internet content -  I wasn’t sure there was such a thing and you didn’t let me down! 👌👌👌

Premise: You’re determined to make sure that Keller has only the best of lazy Sundays. He’s only determined to test your reflexes...

Words: 2672

Warnings: Sexual Connotations (+Pre-Amble) / Innuendos / Swearing

_____

I've been awake all morning Think I'll just stay in bed Listening to ya snoring Don't wanna wake you yet But I kiss you on the cheek, and you smile Before you open your eyes And you look at me and say, "Hey" Shuffle on in to the kitchen Put on some Nat King Cole Do up the dirty dishes Left from the night before You wrap your arms around me and sway Singing, "You're my Mona Lisa, babe" Ooh, and everything else just fades away If trouble's waiting, they can keep on waiting 'Cause we got the day figured out Wake up slow and make love slow And keep all the shades hanging down The world keeps spinning all crazy But let it keep spinning on without us, baby Just me and you, having breakfast in the afternoon

---

You hoped it was Sunday. It definitely felt like a Sunday. You’d probably had just a little too much to drink last night. You could feel the rhythm of his breathing, the warmth of his body under yours; so it must have been - or both of you were going to be very late to work. Not that you thought Keller had an off day, he was always checking his pager - you’d once thrown the thing across the house, when you’d got a little too annoyed at it going off every five seconds in the middle of a very important make-out session. You cracked one eye open to peer at his clock, happy that the day was already in double figures and he was still here. Your head was on his chest, one of his arms draped around you; and you had no intention of moving just yet. Instead you merely snuggled into him, closing your eyes once more. You didn’t fall back asleep, just listening to the sounds of the house, and his body, and every so often the world outside. Before long Keller was shuffling around under you, and groaned gently as he stretched; he drew out his exhale and you smiled, knowing he was looking at his bedside clock. “What time do you call this, Director?” “Oh, don’t act like this is my fault...” but he chuckled, hand running smoothly along your back and through your hair. “Good morning.” “Just.” His sarcasm was clear as day “Aw, a lie in won’t kill ya...” You kissed his chest, tracing your hands over his skin as you held him tighter. “No, but you might!” Your eyes were still closed but you could hear the grin in his voice. He groaned once more, rubbing his eyes; “I am too old to drink like that. It makes me wanna grab a pack of Marlboro again...” You lifted your head from his chest to look at him, “Yeah, maybe I shouldn’t let you drink then.” Keller exhaled sharply, “We better have a box of toothpicks I’m gonna go crazy...” he blinked slowly, and finally his eyes lingered on you, large hand shifting to frame the left hand side of you face. “Still...” Keller brushed his thumb over your lips, “You’re not such a bad thing to wake up to.” You chuckled, “Well Director, you’re not so bad yourself...” then you grinned, “Your vision must improve when you’re drinking too.” He scoffed, “It’s not that bad. It’s just better with glasses.” Understanding your meaning he chuckled; “Perish the thought, you’re gorgeous no matter when I’m looking at you.” You gave him a disbelieving look, which of course he had to kiss off you, pulling you to his lips. But the movement of your body across his made you gasp softly, and Keller smirked against your kisses, one hand tangling in your hair, the other tracing down your back as you supported yourself against him and continued your slow, needy kisses.

His hand moved to your hip and stilled, soon enough joined by his other, but you were half a step ahead of his gentle guidance, hooking your leg over his to straddle him. You released his lips to catch your breath momentarily; “Don’t you get tired of me wearing you out?” “Baby...” His voice was low and seductive as he looked between your eyes and your lips, desperately wanting them on his again, “How could I ever?”

 ***

It was at least mid-day by the time either of you thought about shifting out of bed to shower and get dressed. You wanted to be as comfortable as possible but Keller, raised the way he was, always wore a button up shirt and smart jeans, if not pants. At least he was merciful (or not as the case may be!) enough to roll his sleeves up. “Why don’t you just go to Church?” He gave you a pointed look, “I think you’ve already made me late for that. I don’t need Church to pray.” He tilted his head, “Besides, I do know a thing or two about what happens after Church on Sunday.” Without warning he picked you up and, placing a kiss to your neck, carried you down the stairs to the kitchen. Once there he sat you down on the counter, and you were already giggling. “What would you like for breakfast? At… 12:30, right, Brunch, then.” “I should just ask for cereal.” “That’ll get you far…” He pondered through the cupboards, pulling out ingredients and setting up before reaching for the case of toothpicks, sliding one out and placing it between his teeth. You watched all this from the side, swinging your legs nonchalantly and studying Keller’s every movement carefully. You knew his body and his mannerisms like nothing else, and that wasn’t just because you were together – you spent so much time with him, and watched him constantly in the field. Keller didn’t become a Director overnight - he didn’t get where he did without being excellent. There was so much you could still learn from him. Even here, in a comfortable domestic environment, every so often he’d do something that would surprise you. But he was memorised, engrained in you – so much so you knew you’d picked up a score of his habits. But to be honest, there was nothing much better than watching him make breakfast in the kitchen on a lazy Sunday. Especially as every time Keller passed where you were sitting to collect something else he would kiss you – and you knew that he ‘forgot’ things on purpose sometimes to do just that. Well, you weren’t complaining. Keller slid across the room to the radio, switching it onto whatever local country radio station he was choosing today, before turning back to his cooking. Sunday was also comfort food day – and you were dating a Southern gentleman, who liked to remind you of this fact often. He still had both his parents and his little sister, who you had yet to meet but had heard a lot about. And Keller must have talked about you to them, because he often told you that she said ‘Hi’. They were still all back in his home state though. He moved the toothpick skilfully to the other side of his mouth with his tongue, humming gently to the song on the radio and you couldn’t help but smirk and chuckle. Which made him turn back to you removing it from his lips, holding it between his fingers like it was a cigarette; “What?” You knew why he did it - for exactly that reason – just to have that feeling and stimulation, in his fingers, or lips or sometimes tucked behind his ear. But you just couldn’t help yourself, and gently bit your lip as you fixed him with your best innocent stare, “You know, if you need an oral fixation you could have something a lot better in your mouth…” Saying things like that never failed to make him blush; this time around he coughed and cleared his throat, “Shut up and sit to the table.” “Are you ordering me around, Director?!” He paused again and shot you another look, making you cackle, “Okay, I’m going!” Keller whistled you back to him, bending down to kiss you gently, “I love you.” You pulled him back by his collar as he straightened because you weren’t done with him yet; “I know. I love you too.” Breakfast was as incredible as you knew it was going to be, and he spent a lot of time sweet talking you – even though you’d heard it all nearly a thousand times, you couldn’t help but sit there and swoon over him. The way that he would smile at you or giggle whenever you’d pay him one compliment for every hundred he gave you. But you still couldn’t help but feel so lucky whenever Keller looked at you like that – and he made you feel everything at once, always at no less intensity than a supernova; Gosh he’s so perfect. Oh my god I’m so lucky. But also, geez, now I just want him to fuck me on the kitchen counter, he’s such a southern gentleman, boy just take me please-!! Drive me to a church right now, you’re so perfect… But Keller was always so bashful, and he’d always respond to everything you said with “Aw, I’m nothing special...” Although you didn’t believe he really felt that way at all with the shades of pink, through red, he turned. You’d felt his heart beat fast under his skin when you’d complimented him before. Sure, Keller would always want to act professional, and always pretend that you were the only one who deserved praises – but you affected him in exactly the same way. And you weren’t sure if that was meant to be a secret or not – even if it was for sure one he’d never tell – but you would keep it to yourself, as if it was the most important secret you’d ever been told.

 ***

 A lot later in the day on your lazy Sunday, you were curled up on the couch. This time you’d actually decided to check something out on your own pager. This obviously wasn’t something you usually did, but that was because you rarely got paged at the weekend, so another member of your team insisting that something might be urgent was certainly cause to leap into research action. You were definitely curious, even when you knew the irony, considering how often you told your significant other off. Keller was in the room, but you hadn’t noticed him yet. At first he was trying to figure out what was going on, staring curiously at you from his bookshelf - as soon as he caught the device in your hand he could do nothing but smirk; ‘Oh?! What’s this? She’s working!? When she’s always chiding me?!’ Of course he wasn’t about to let you get away with that, and laughed to himself silently, ‘Girl, you just wait!’ He had years upon years of S.H.I.E.L.D training, and he’d been an agent longer than you had (before you even counted his time in the Airforce); therefore Keller had no problems using his sneaking skills to stealthily make his way across the living room to you. Or so Keller would think, problem was, as you were also a top Agent, you hadn’t failed to notice his presence at all. All you were doing was pretending to be oblivious to his presence. His approach led to him studying you closely, and he couldn’t help but soften his expression, when you concentrated on your tasks like that you always looked especially beautiful. He liked watching you work hard for similar reasons – to him you genuinely had it all. You deserved all the love and affection he showered you with, and much more. Keller smiled gently, and leant over – after all, how could he resist giving you a kiss? You were, unfortunately, prepared for him (or at least what you thought he was going to do) and he just about caught your grin before you grabbed him. Getting his head into a comfortable lock and supporting his shoulders you tugged, and before he really had time to react, Keller found himself flipped over the couch with you pinning him down beneath you; hand on his throat, nails digging into his jaw line. “Didn’t anyone ever teach you not to sneak up on a S.H.I.E.L.D Agent?” He blinked a couple of times, that delightful shade of pink already threatening; “I’m just glad my best and brightest would be able to handle such an attempt on their life.” “Uh huh.” You raised a disbelieving eyebrow, before leaning forward to kiss him harshly without warning; leaving him breathless. “That’s what you get for sneaking up on me!” Keller couldn’t help a small smile of delight; “Uh. That’s not really deterring me. In fact I might keep testing your reflexes-!” “Careful.” You breathed, digging your nails in a little harder causing Keller to bite his lip, a curious look in his blue eyes as your own stare hardened. “You wouldn’t hit a guy with glasses would you?” You tipped your head, pushing him further down into the couch and removed them from his face. He raised an eyebrow as you slid them over your own eyes. You blinked a few times and then squinted looking around, pushing them up with your fingertips; “Good god! How bad are your eyes-!?!” Keller chuckled, and shook his head; “You always make the same joke!” In all honesty they weren’t bad, they blurred things for you a little, but were near perfect, and not as bad as anyone might think considering that he wore them as much as he did. He was Airforce previously, so you imagined they were once 20:20. You didn’t know very much about The Accident - which was exactly how he referred to it if he ever referred to it at all. You knew that Nick Fury had more details but he was sworn to silence, out of respect for his boss and good friend. And you would never pry anyway. What you did know is it was the last time that Keller had ever flown as a fighter pilot. And he’d been hospitalised for an undisclosed period of time. But they didn’t revoke his license and he still flew now; a fact for which he was very grateful. Planes had always been his life since he was very little, it would have broken his heart to take them away from him completely. Taking them off carefully you watched the way Keller tried to suppress his smirk with a lip bite and completely failed. “If you like me in your glasses…” you placed them gently on the table behind you, “You aught to see me in your clothes…” He opened his mouth to respond, but didn’t get very far before your lips were back on his and your hands were running through the buttons on his good shirt. “It’s a little disappointing that I don’t get to undo a tie and waistcoat…” you grazed your lips to his again, “But I’ll take what I can get…” He groaned gently into your kiss as you lay him back on the sofa, straddling his hips and grinding yours against him. You pushed your body to his and continued to run your hands over him; Keller’s were back in your hair and he could do nothing other than pull you closer. Still he broke the kiss, breathing heavily as your hands moved to his belt; “What? Geez again?! Why don’t I just talk dirty to you instead?” He took your hands in his, placing them on your thighs, tracing his eyes slowly over your body as he ran his tongue lazily over his bottom lip, “Cuz, baby, you can pressure check my pitot static system any day…” That was exactly why usually you wouldn’t let him dirty talk you. Because he always said things like that, leaving you more quizzical than turned on. “Yeah. That usually goes along the lines of comparing me to technical aeroplane parts and things that I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He smirked, with a cocky raised eyebrow; “There’s some pretty sexy aeroplanes out there though, trust me.” You scoffed, well, if it worked for him! “Sex and aeroplanes should only go together if we’re getting into the mile-high club-!!” Keller grinned, cupping your face in his hands before kissing you gently, and making himself more comfortable under you; “Well. I am a director, and I’m sure I could charter a private plane and fix that...” You couldn’t help your momentary stunned silence, looking at him with wide eyes; “Don’t you dare tease! That better be a promise!” “Oh baby, it’s a promise.” And before you could say any more, he grabbed you – pulling him flush to him to make sure those steamy kisses continued. What a Sunday…

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Thank you for reading-!💙

@happyskywhale @wltz-bby #MendoTagSquad

[saint-kore]

Virgins. [18+] (Jimmy Emmett x Reader)

♡ A/N: This took me wayyy too long to finish but I finally did it! I’m already planning out the next one-shot, which will be a sequel to this one and maybe a multi-chapter fic(?). I have to make sure that I plan it well or I will fuck myself over with that. Anyhoo, this is very AU and quite smutty. I aged Jimmy and the reader up to 18, just for my own sake while writing this because whew. I hope you all enjoy! -Persie♡ 

♡ Word count: 3,334 ♡  

♡ Contains: Very NSFW, smut, first time sex ♡ –

Virgins. [18+]

Bashful…

.

That’s how most people would describe you; like a shrinking violet under the human eye. Curious yet hiding its vibrant beauty away from its admirer but that couldn’t be a description of you this night. This night, at the very top of midnight, you decided to sneak out of the home of your strict religious parents for a couple of hours of fun. Your chest heaving slightly as your adrenaline pumping through your body as you stood in your bra and panties front of your very first sexual mate to-be, a shirtless Jimmy Emmett. His bright green eyes glittered as he gazed at you, shifting on his sock-clad feet in anticipation with a crooked, boyish smile lighting up his features. To you, Jimmy was always a strange yet adorable goofball since you had met him at the beginning of the school year. All your life you had been told to stay away from boys and that relationships, even friendships, between the opposite sex was inappropriate but there was something about Jimmy. You liked him. You liked him a lot.

“Boys will say anything to take your innocence away from you,” your religious mother proclaimed. “It’s best of you stay away from them altogether. Preserve your value. Pray away the sin…,” she said.

Preserve your value, you thought with an inward sneer. You never understood it. Why was your value measured in that way? Was your humanity ever considered, you thought. You never felt that way with Jimmy, considering that you both had been friends with each other since the school semester started. He never seemed to pressure you into anything, only showing you a bashful kindness in friendliness and occasionally, buying you your favorite candy bar and bringing it to school to give to you.  Russell and sometimes Lydia would tease him playfully about it whenever he would do small things like that for you, but it never stopped him, much to your delight. If anything, tonight was your idea to begin with, proposing the conversation after a straight-forward question was brought up during a pause in conversation.

“Have you ever had sex?” you asked suddenly during a surge of confidence while you both were hanging out in his backyard. The soft spring wind played in the grass before ghosting up your bare legs, revealed by your navy blue, pleated skirt. The question caught Jimmy off-guard, wrapping his lithe arms around his knees almost as if he were trying to protect himself from your reaction to his reply. “N-No, I never have…,” he answered shyly, looking away. He swallowed, his throat and his silver chain necklace moving as he did. He picked at the hem of his black Metallica t-shirt, the logo fading slightly from being washed incorrectly. You could see the intimidation clouding his expression, as if he were afraid to ask you the same. He finally glanced over at you, looking over your face like he was trying to detect a hint of amusement before looking down at your lips. To him, they always looked as if someone brushed crushed rose petals on them to make them look so fresh and pouty. It was one of the first things he noticed about you when you first transferred to the school and introduced yourself to class. They always looked so sensitive with your quick smiles and the way your pink tongue would run over them, making you immediately press your lips together as if to calm them down from the sudden stimulation.

“I never have…,” you spoke, interrupting his thoughts and his green eyes looking back up at you immediately. A blush erupted on his face, making him push out a needed sigh before he let out a breathy chuckle to loosen himself up again.

“Really…? I never guessed that, you know, you would ever want to with the way your parents are and everything,” he said, making you smile a little and smooth your hand down your skirt to straighten it out against your thighs. His eyes followed the movement, focusing on your thighs intently before looking back up at you when you spoke

“That doesn’t mean that I’ve never wanted to,” you replied coyly, making that lopsided smile appear on Jimmy’s face again. His mind was catching up with the suggestive undertones to your words, glancing around you both momentarily before focusing on you again.

“If you want, we could, you know…,” he suggested before blushing deeply at how meek he sounded. Your smile widened at the ruddiness grew in his cheeks, reaching out to try to smooth it away. You bit your lip, burying your hands in between your thighs.

“Well…,” you started in a purr, making Jimmy’s eyes immediately light up as you both began to plan out the next night. xox So, there you were, two aroused teenagers in a cheap hotel room that was paid for with the money that you both nicked from your parents, bodies trembling from the air thickening in the room as you stared at each other. The room smelled like cheap linen air freshener and the cologne that Jimmy decided to wear that night, probably to try to impress you. You could recognize the notes of amber, cedar and even a hint of clove. Your thoughts immediately cleared your head as Jimmy began to remove his distressed jeans, sliding off his slim hips and onto the floor. In the dim light, you could see his bright eyes suddenly darken and become hooded as he leered at you. His stirring manhood twitching in his grey boxer briefs. Your hand went up to your face, feeling how hot your cheek was and tried to calm your shaky hands by busying them with removing your light blue bra.

It wasn’t anything flashy since your mother always monitored or even bought your undergarments for you but in this moment, under Jimmy’s eyes, you felt seductive. Your bottom lip trembled, making you quickly bite as you let your loosened bra fall from your chest. Jimmy’s breath audibly picked up, tongue darting out to lick his chapped lips as his hand brushed over his hard shaft. Your nipples hardened immediately from the sudden air hitting them, making a soft groan finally erupt from Jimmy.

You were scared, unsure of yourself. You didn’t know what to do next, your heart hammering in your chest as you nervously slid your hands over your hips. Jimmy was a foot or so away from you, but you could still the warmth radiating from his body.

“Lay down for me,” he requested, his voice husky and not above a whisper. You could see his body was shaking as well but his voice was confident, even sultry. You couldn’t get another word out from your throat, managing to nod before slowly crawling onto the firm bed. It was covered in a dark red blanket, uniformly tucked and made perfectly but not for long. You laid on your back, feeling heavy from the nerves and her growing arousal. You immediately closed your legs once he climbed onto the bed, the cushion dipping a bit under his weight. Warm hands touched your knees, hesitating before running down your legs slowly; his touch felt comforting and made you feel like you were melting. Jimmy slowly spread your legs apart, making sure not to go too fast. Your body tensed when you felt his hands rub down, brushing across your soft inner thighs. Jimmy let out a choked groan just from feeling the smooth, hot skin. “You’re so warm,” he moaned quietly, his hands rubbing up your tummy and over your sides. He licked his already wet lips as he made his way to your breasts, his thumbs lightly brushing over the hard peaks and earning a hitch of a gasp from your cherry lips. Jimmy grunted, leaning down to capture your lips with his in a deep kiss. You moaned softly, immediately wrapping your arms around his shoulders to keep him close to you as your tongue swirled around his with obvious naiveté. You could tell that he was a bit more experienced than you in kissing with how he handled it, catching your tongue and suckling on it before biting your lip. His hand smoothed up between your breasts and gently gripped your neck, deepening the kiss more. You felt your breath leaving you until he finally pulled away, his lips a tad swollen before moving his hand to latch onto your neck. A brazen moan left your lips, his hot tongue continuing to focus on that spot before moving around to the other side of her neck. The sound of music playing in the hotel room next to yours, adding to the intoxicating atmosphere. You were never allowed to listen to any secular music but you always snuck to listen to it whenever you could and recognized the song to be a Nirvana song; the name you couldn’t recall at the moment as Jimmy feverishly, eagerly licked his way to your chest. 

Come on over,  and do the twist Over-do it, and have a fit Love you so much, it makes me sick Come on over, and do the twist Beat me outta me Beat me outta me…

Not necessarily the most ideal song to lose your virginity to but Jimmy latching onto your aching nipple quickly erased the thought from your mind, cupping the back of his head as you arched up into his mouth. “Jimmyyy,” you cooed, his darkened eyes looking up at you when you called his name. His hot tongue swirled around the pebbled flesh, a hot moan escaping him as he cupped your other breast and kneaded the soft flesh. It was enough to make you want to crawl up the walls; you had never felt anything like it before. He kissed around the swell of your breasts slowly, indulging himself as much he could. His mind was racing as he inhaled, kissed and touched every part of you that he could reach, his hands gripping your waist and squeezing to feel your soft flesh give beneath his fingers. He felt himself becoming drunk with the essence of you, your moans egging him on enough for him to give a soft bite to your side. It was enough to make you jolt, the sensation going straight between your thighs. He licked below your navel, pausing above your underwear. His eyes closed as he tried to calm himself, the warmth coming from between your legs. You could feel yourself dripping, your nectar practically coating the fabric. You felt a palm firmly press against your core, making your womanhood quiver in response. Your hand twisted into the blanket, a desperate moan leaving you as he caressed and stroked her through her underwear. “God, Y/N, you’re so wet…,” he moaned, quickly pushing her underwear to the side and delved his fingers into your entrance. He quickly slowed down when you let out a hiss of pain, clenching up around his fingers. “Sorry, sorry!” he apologized, kissing her thigh apologetically. “Just tell me when to go, okay? I-I don’t want to hurt you anymore,” “It’s okay. Just go a little bit slower,” you say, not recognizing your own voice. It sounded almost raspy in a pleasing way. Jimmy nodded, feeling your walls relax around his fingers before he slowly pushed once more. You felt nothing as he slowly thrusted his fingers, wincing a little in embarrassment at the squelching sounds of your syrupy arousal reacting to his thrusting digits. Suddenly, you felt him wiggle his fingers and rub against a certain spot that made your hips leap in surprise. Jimmy almost pulled back, grinning when he heard you moan out. “You like that?” he asked, his soft, trembling voice making you shiver in delight as he continued to rub the small ridged area that caused your reaction. Your hands shot down to clench at his brown hair, moans pouring from your lips as he continued. Passionate words running together with your girlish moans, his moans also filling the air as he used his free hand to stroke himself in time with his pumping fingers. He stopped stroking himself to bring his hand up to search for and clumsily rub at your jewel, his fingers slipping easily from your wetness. It took him a minute to stay focused as he found himself just stroking and exploring every inch of your wetness, in awe of how aroused you were. The thudding guitar riff from the room next to you wound through your body, making your head spin. You groaned when he suddenly pulled his fingers away, your womanhood pulsing and begging for relief. The feeling was so intense, nothing like you had ever experienced. With hazy eyes, you looked up at Jimmy as he removed his boxer briefs. He let out a coo once his hard shaft was released from the tight fabric, giving himself a couple of strokes to tease himself. His lean body settled between your legs, slim muscles undulating under his damp skin as he continued to slowly stroke himself. “I can’t believe this is happening…,” he moaned, his lust-filled eyes scanning your naked form. Your shaky hands settled between your sensitive breasts, feeling your heart hammer in your chest. Jimmy leaned over you, kissing your settled hands before his mouth settled onto yours. He kissed you deeply, moving so that his hips were cradled by yours. You tensed when you felt the soft tip of his shaft brush against your thigh and wetness as he moved his tip to your wet slit. Your mouth slackened against his insistent kisses, making him pull back to look into your eyes. “It’s okay, Y/N…,” he whispered huskily, his nose brushing against yours. “I-I’ll be gentle, I promise,” He gently, even lovingly, whispered soft words of assurance and comfort to you. You clenched at his shoulders, pausing before wrapping your legs around his hips. The movement made his nose bump a bit more into yours, making you both giggle in amusement at the clear nervousness. He pushed the random strands of hair from your face, placing soft kisses on your cheek and forehead. You blushed at the tenderness, but you welcomed it with open arms, moving your hands from his shoulders to rub up and down his back. He groaned softly once your hand rubbed a sore spot beneath his shoulder blade, soothing the ache with soft, warm determination.  You gave him a nod, making the sparkle in his eye brighten in understanding as he began to push into you. Jimmy couldn’t describe the feeling even if he wanted to, but he wished that he could stay within you forever. His mouth dropped open as his hard member was immediately hugged and coated with your honeyed essence. He couldn’t help the sudden buck of his hips, quickly apologizing when your thighs clenched around him. A soft moan left you at the feeling of him filling your up, opening your eyes once you felt him reach your resistance being prodded by the head of his member. You could feel him pulsing against your walls, asking for your permission to follow through. You wordlessly answered by using your legs to squeeze at him. An acceptance, a sensitive smile edging at your swollen lips as you stared into his green eyes. Jimmy let out a strangled moan before slowly pushing forward, the barrier of your maidenhood breaking. You hitched a breath at the sharp pain, your nails digging into his smooth back. Jimmy let out a heavy breath, refusing the urge to slam inside of your welcoming warmth. You felt his labored breath against your face, the pain subsiding a bit as he patiently waited for your word to continue. “Go…,” you breathed, making Jimmy give out a moan of relief as he began to thrust into you. You winced a little as the pain continued with the first set of thrusts that he gave until it slowly melted into a growing pleasure. You could hear a new song starting in the background from the room next door, the thumping drum matching your heartbeat. The sound of Jimmy’s moans combined with the instrumental formed a song that you knew you would remember. He buried his face into your neck, latching onto the skin once more and sucking hard at the skin to leave a mark, claiming you. You let out a cry as his hips treated you with a particularly hard thrust, reaching deeper than you thought he could. Your teeth dig into his creamy shoulder in response, his eager hands gripping at your hips as he picked up the pace. His grip tightening more and more, his shaft plunging and out of you and taking you higher. One of your hands moved to twist in his brown locks, pulling much to his delight. Your tongue meeting the warm metal of his chain before latching onto the skin below his jaw. “Oh God…,” he moaned, the slight lisp in his voice almost gone and his tone deeper, rougher. After a couple of rough thrusts, he pulled back and sat back on his haunches and pulled you onto his lap. His hips ran up your waist, squeezing you possessively as he buried his face in between your breasts. The combination of sensations made your moans pour from your damp lips feverishly. You lifted your hips and crashed back down against his, crying out. Your legs trembled as you continued to ride him, his arms wrapping around your lower back to steady you before moving his hips up to meet your moving hips as they smashed against his own. Both of you, grinding and humping against each other, eager to reach your peaks as your hormones shot sky high. “You’re so beautiful,” he breathed shakily, his eyes dilated as he got closer to his release. You whimpered as you sped up, your head falling back as your hips slammed harder against his. His hands moving to grip your hips once more, helping you move on top of him. The pace was erratic and off-beat but neither of you cared, the grunts and moans coming from him making your release come closer and closer. Your walls tightened more and more with every single crash of your hips, your hands desperately clasping at him as you felt your breath leaving you. He suddenly licked up your exposed neck; the sensation making your release wash over you as you cried out in completion. Your walls quivered around him as your cum dribbled down his hard member. You let out a weak moan as your back hit the bed as Jimmy climbed back over you, plowing into you roughly as he chased after his own release. Your damp skin rubbing against his as he continued to moan and grunt into your ear, grinding against you roughly. His hips finally paused before giving a hard thrust, his hot seed coating your sensitive, pink softness. He gave shallow thrusts as you milked him, pulling him in for the moment before he slowly pulled out. You winced slightly as he did, feeling him collapse next to you. Jimmy stared up at the ceiling, his hands settled on his chest as he swallowed hard. You gazed over at him once you felt his eyes on you. They were back to their soft green color, dancing in the dim light of the room. He hesitated, looking down for a moment, his reddened lips parting. “I…I wanna stay here. Just for the night…,” he whispered. You moved to lay on your side, a warm smile gracing your lips. “Me too,” you said, just as quietly. In that moment, you didn’t really care about what the repercussions would be in the morning and honestly, to you, it didn’t really matter. Jimmy’s arms immediately wrapped around you and held you tight as you both fell asleep to the sound of the rotating, muffled music floating in the air. ♡

[kraztaco]

Smash Bros Move Set for Quote from Cave Story

Been a while since I posted here, huh?

Anyhoo, I made a Smash move set for Quote for a contest a while back, and I figured I’d share it here.

It’s long, so I’ll make a cut here.

Quote is a zoner with Curly Brace as an echo. The two characters being echo fighters rather than alternate costumes is more of a Peach/Daisy type of thing rather than any difference between the two play styles. Quote is a stoic, silent, protagonist, while Curly is far more outgoing and expressive. This would be reflected in their animations, idle poses, and one different move. Curly is playable in Cave Story, and plays identically to Quote after all. Any time Curly Brace has a different quality, I’ll be sure to say so.

Along with Cave Story, both Quote and Curly Brace appear in the fighting game Blade Strangers. While I will be using some moves from that game, Cave Story will be the primary source for the move set.

I’ll try to avoid spoilers as much as possible, but some things are unavoidable due to the nature of the set. Quote’s name isn’t revealed until late in the game, so that is a bit of a spoiler but, going from his guest appearances, I doubt they care much anymore.

I couldn’t come up with anything else for the logo. I considered the island, but it would look too much like Castlevania, and a star would just be KoF.

Stats:

Height - Below Average (most crossover media portrays them as on the shorter side) Weight - Average (Can’t be a lightweight, being a robot and all) Walk Speed - Average Run Speed - Average Jump Height - High Fall Speed - Slow Air Speed - High Jumps - 2 (Normal) No additional movement options Takes damage while in water.

The Gimmick -

In Cave Story, each weapon in the player’s inventory has EXP. Leveling up your weapon will change its effect slightly, making it more effective (there are exceptions, but that’s not too important here). Enemies drop EXP, and gathering it levels up the weapon the player is currently holding. Conversely, taking damage will decrease the EXP of the weapon the player is holding.

Things will be simplified a little here. In Smash, Quote will have one EXP meter which applies to his entire move set.

Quote’s EXP will be displayed above his portrait.

Quote will start each stock at Level 1 with 0 EXP.

Every time a fighter takes 10% of damage from Quote (cumulative), they will drop a bit of EXP, which is a yellow triangle.

If a fighter takes 20% of damage or more in a single hit, they will instead drop a larger EXP triangle.

The triangles will disappear after 5 seconds, and no fighters other than the Quote player whose damage spawned them can interact with them.

If Quote touches the EXP, it will be collected.

If Quote is damaged, he will lose some EXP, if he has any. (being at 0 EXP is punishment enough)

Gathering enough EXP will level Quote up to Level 2, then Level 3. Gathering more EXP at Level 3, will give Quote Level MAX. Just like in Cave Story, this is a small buffer that lets you take some damage without dropping to Level 2.

Level 1 - Level 2 - About 10 EXP

Level 2 - Level 3 - About 20 additional EXP

Level 3 - MAX - About 5 additional EXP

(these numbers can easily be adjusted)

Leveling up will make Quote’s moves deal more knockback, but no additional %. They will also alter Quote’s special moves.

TL:DR - Quote is playing Coin Smash.

Quote’s moves in general are long range without much knockback or KO power. He will need to level up if he wants to reliably take stocks, meaning he has no choice but to get close to enemies and become more vulnerable when EXP is on the stage.

A Moves-

Quote’s Jab is a 3 hit combo taken from Curly’s Blade Strangers move set. Since Quote doing this little butt bounce would be ridiculous, his Jab 3 is a simple punch, taken from his own Blade Strangers move set.

The knockback angle on each Jab 3 would be slightly different, with Quote sending at more of an upwards angle than Curly.

Dash Attack is taken from Blade Strangers, having them both perform Curly’s elbow dash.

Tilts are pretty simple. Drew little pictures for them. F tilt is the only one that has any real reference to the game, being a down angled version of Quote’s most basic attack.

Conversely, F Smash is his most powerful attack; The Spur. It’s a beam that has a bit of startup, and travels further the more the attack is charged.

Down Smash is a spin from the Whimsical Star. It’s a multihit that hits on both sides then launches.

Up Smash is a Missile Launcher shot upwards, which falls to the ground. You know, like Snake’s.

Neutral Air is a two hit kick.

Forward air is a downward angles shot. It’s more powerful than the forward tilt.

Up Air is two shots fired upwards. Drifting during it means the shots will land in different spots.

Back air drags the for up with it and launches them. I considered it going down, but that would be kinda OP.

Down Air is your standard delayed spike with the Missile Launcher.

Grabs-

Grab and Pummel

Forward Throw

Up Throw (has the highest knockback of them, so it would be a kill throw earliest.)

Down Throw

Back Throw

Specials... oh boy, this is where things get complicated.

Neutral Special - Fireball

Quote fires a shot from the Fireball gun. It could have some start up lag, but that would be up to balance. Its a basic projectile that can just be thrown out to take space, like Mario’s Fireball. It will bounce on the ground at a similar arc to Ridley’s fire. At level 1, the ball will move at a moderate speed, and there can only be one active at a time.

At Level 2, the fireball increases in speed, and there can be two active at a time.

Same for Level 3, except the fireballs are now blue and slightly larger. They travel faster, and there can be 3 active at once.

The speed increase isn’t that much, but Level 3 fireballs can be tricky to avoid. Also, this is less fireballs than you’re allowed in the actual game (2/3/4 opposed to 3/4/5), but balance.

Side Special - Blade

Spoiler territory here.

Quote throws King’s sword, goes spinning a good distance in front of him. Quote has plenty of Blade Strangers moves that use the sword which could work very well for his moves, but I wanted to capture the main game more. In the main game, he just chucks the dang thing. It also seemingly comes back to him once its done doing what it does.

The blade flies about 2 character lengths in the direction Quote throws it, then disappears. It doesn’t go very fast, but it has good launching power and not much start lag. There can only be 1 active Blade at a time, regardless of its level.

At Level 2, the Blade moves faster, but not as far, about half of the Level 1.

At Level 3, the attack becomes truly dangerous. Instead of throwing the sword, the spirit of King himself will emerge and fly forwards. If he comes into contact with anyone, he will stop, and become a multihit cutting attack.

The Blade is a powerful projectile, but is fairly easy to read, and can’t be spammed since it sticks around for a bit. It can always be reflected, even as King’s spirit.

Down Special - Bubbline

There were some choices here, but I went with the Bubbline, mainly because it changes the most between levels (and the Nemesis gets weaker with levels, defeating the purpose of this gimmick).

At Level 1, holding down special will have Quote fire a pathetic stream of bubbles forwards. They deal damage, but don’t flinch. Quote can move and jump around as long as he holds the special button, but the attack will end if any other attacks are used. This is a pretty bad move, but it comes out very fast, and the bubbles linger, so it might be good to throw out from time to time.

At Level 2, more bubbles are fired at once, making the attack deal flinching damage directly in front of Quote. The attack still deals poor shield damage, and can’t hold foes in place.

At Level 3, the bubbles will now circle around Quote for as long as the special button is held. They can block weak attacks, and damage opponents who touch them. When the special button is released, the bubbles will fly off in whichever direction is being held at the time.

The Bubbline is a useful tool for defense, but it’s sub-par damage and shield pressure mean it isn’t a get out of jail free card.

Up Special - Booster v2.0

Holding Up special lets Quote use his upgraded jetpack. It has a fuel meter, and will continue to go until the special button is released, or the fuel runs out. Quote can have a second meter by his portrait, displaying his fuel.

Using the move does not put Quote into special fall.

While holding the special button, Quote can change directions by holding up, left, right, and even straight down.

The jetpack is great for mobility, but isn’t too fast at Level 1. Each level increases the jetpack’s speed and improves its fuel consumption.

Fuel works just like R.O.B., refiling when on the ground.

Final Smash - Super Missile Launcher

Both Quote and Curly have cinematic Final Smashes which trigger in different ways. For Quote, Balrog drops down from slightly above Quote. His hitbox starts in front of, and above Quote, and falls to his level. Anyone who Balrog hits is dragged in. Kind of the opposite of how Banjo and Kazzoie’s Final Smash works. Quote rides on Balrogs head, and barrages the caught foes with the Super Missile Launcher, with Balrog’s signature HUZZAH! text box displayed at the bottom of the screen.

For Curly, her four Migima friends, the Colons, pop up in front of her, and anyone hit by them are dragged in. Their hitbox is on the shorter side, but it goes a fair bit in front of her.

The cinematic has the Migima beat the caught foes with sticks in a cartoonish manner, they then leave as Curly readies her own Super Missile Launcher and blasts the foes.

I didn’t have many ideas for the Final Smash. Sure, the Spur is the most powerful weapon in the game, but I figured the Super Missile Launcher has more oomph. Curly’s take is inspired by her super in Blade Strangers. Also, I just like Balrog.

And colors for both of them.

And that’s all, hope you enjoyed it. I don’t see Quote getting in realistically, which was why I was comfortable making this move set. Honestly, I’d be ecstatic if he got a Mii Gunner costume with the level of love Sans got.

Making this set got me worried I was making another Belmont. In the end, I realized, I made something much worse.

[golgoterror]

Your name is Jake English and you’re about to fulfill your destiny.

Ever since you were thirteen, you knew it had to be done. Your grandma had been killed for it, you were on your island became of it, and you had your last name as a result of it. Everything was set in stone. When John’s retcon blue faded and the eight of you now stood on a stage before Caliborn, a box, a strange bunny, and Lil’ Cal, it suddenly set in. This was when it was going to happen. You were going to give Lord English his first defeat.

==> Jake: Prepare

The first thing you notice is the cherub’s sickening laugh, which came about after initial confusion. This is almost like the trigger of a pistol because everyone jumps up and beings rummaging about, including yourself. Truth be told, you have no idea what in the fuck you’re doing. You haven’t even tried using your powers yet, nor do you believe you can. Your eyes leap from the bunny to the box to the puppet to the cherub, then back, looping around. Occasionally, you catch glimpses of your teammates. None of you know what to do. At this moment, you wonder if maybe, perhaps, you all bit off just a bit more than you lot could ever dream to chew.

None of you settle down until the green bastard before you leaps off his makeshift podium. Out comes a very strange, white house-looking thing. You’d ponder what it was, perhaps even noting the similarities between it and that symbol on the game’s papers, but you don’t have time. Suddenly, your grandmother ( but younger ) and her friends get sucked into it, and the box closes. Half your team is down. Is there really any hope of winning this? That’s all you can think as you half-hide behind Dirk, though keep your ground in front of the girls. 

The sound of Caliborn hitting the box eats away at your brain. Are they safe? Are they hurt? Will he do that to the rest of you? A wave of questions crashes down on your mind, causing you to not think straight in the slightest. You barely even register Dirk demanding his puppet be returned. You blink, and suddenly, a fight breaks out.

==> Jake: Fight

Dirk, being in the front, is kicked down first, and Jane is thrown back. You’ll have none of that! No one hurts your friends, especially not with you in earshot! You’re a big, strong adventurer… Right? 

No. No, you’re not. You’re not a fighter. That point has hit you like a speeding bullet multiple times since you awoke from the trickster spell. But you’ll be damned if you aren’t going to help your friends. Which is your first move, as you rush to Jane to help her up. If you can’t fight, at least you can see if she’s alright. Minorly hurt, but nothing to write home about. Still, you’re furious. Anger is boiling over in you at the mere idea that he’d go after your dear friend. An attempt is made at the so-called defeat you’re ready to gift the cherub, a fist coming up as you turn around, when, suddenly -- he pushes you over and kicks you with such force, you’re sent back into the side of the stage. As pathetic as it is to say, this is enough to cause you to wobble as you get back up. One of your resulting stumbles lands in a bad place as no stage is there to catch your foot and you tumble to the floor below. 

The force was a lot stronger than you’d ever care to admit. Now, like the weakling you are, you’re immobile on the ground, forced to listen to the grunts and moans of your three friends getting their asses handed back to them. Was that it? Your one shot at a defeat? Did you just doom your entire timeline because you fell off of a stupid stage?

All four of you are getting kicked and punched in a cycle, and none of you are getting up. The whines from your friends hurt more than any of the hits. You’ve failed at keeping your friends safe. In a matter of minutes, you’ve fucked up so badly, you can’t even reclaim your own last name. 

Pathetic.

Pathetic.

PATHE--

That last hit does you in. The edges of your sight get fuzzy before darkening. It hits you what’s happening, but not before you fall unconscious on the floor below you. 

==> Jake: Black Out

Below you is your bed. On your head, your skulltop. Dirk just finished telling you some sort of story. A real kicker of a story, if you do say so yourself. So many twists and turns. How prodigious it was!

GT: Anyhoo thats a heck of a tragic and thrilling tale dirk.  GT: I am still totally cockeyed and catawampus about it all i dont even know what to think.  TT: But you believe me, right? 

What… were you two talking about?

GT: Oh yeah every word of it!  TT: Wow.  GT: Why shouldnt i? You are my friend and i trust you. 

This feels strange.

TT: I still just think it's impressive, is all. Even after all this time. You are pretty much a one of a kind dude.  GT: Heh not really i just like believing stuff and believing in people.  GT: Wait what do you mean?  TT: About what?  GT: When you said after all this time?  GT: You just told me now!  TT: Yes.  GT: Hang on.  GT: Blarg! The deja vuey shit is happening again!!!  GT: Okay i am SURE weve had this conversation before so many things are familiar.  GT: I remember you saying the one of a kind dude thing and i remember saying the word catawampus and...  GT: All of it!  GT: Whats going on? 

You’re right. You have said this all before. Every word of it.

TT: Took you long enough to figure it out.  TT: Pages really are a slow burning class. Damn.  GT: Figure what out!  TT: You're asleep.  GT: Oh. 

Of course. You’re asleep. And this isn’t Dirk. It’s Brain Ghost Dirk. You don’t remember falling asleep though… Or do you? Wasn’t something important happening? 

GT: What… were we on about? GT: My goodness my mind is foggy… TT: Damn, you’re fucking forgetful. TT: This whole thing started with your grandma and Lord English. We then wrapped around about my timeline and here we are. GT: Wait what was that first thing? TT: Your grandma. GT: No after that. TT: My timeline. GT: Work with me strider for crying out loud!!! TT: Lord English. GT: Yeah! That!

Why is that so important? Those two words. They stick out like sore thumbs, causing you to bite your tongue.

GT: Oh! I was serving the guy up some slap stew! TT: More like he was serving you, bro.  GT: Oh. Right. TT: You can still turn it around, though.  GT: I can? TT: I dunno. You’re the hope guy, remember? GT: Haha. I thought i was. TT: What’s changed? GT: Oh you know nothing much just about EVERYTHING. TT: Well, do you think it’s worth a shot? GT: I mean id like to hope so. TT: There you go. GT: What? GT: Oh. GT: Hardy har har. TT: Dust yourself off and give it another go. Your words, not mine.

Hearing that alone brought a smile to your face. Dirk, whether in Brain Ghost form or not, always believed in you. Maybe even enough to make you believe in yourself on rare occasions. That alone gave you some hope. 

GT: Then ive got some english ass to kick! GT: Wait i mean his ass not mine!!! TT: I gathered that much. 

==> Jake: Wake Up

At some point, you feel your eyes blink a few times. The sounds, which begin muffled and hide behind a ringing in your ears, become louder and louder, until they’re making your head swim. You’re not done. The fight isn’t over. 

Grabbing the side of the stage, you get up, regardless of how dizzy you feel. Roxy and Jane aren’t doing anything, so that only leaves one person to be leading the resistance. Climbing on stage, you see Dirk, incredibly hurt, but fighting nonetheless. He was always a fighter, something you wish you were more like. But he’s in bad shape. 

What you did to him was wrong. Ghosting him was the worst thing you could have done, and you know that now. Do you still love him? Does it matter? He’s always been there for you, either as a lover or a best friend. You can’t stand to see him take a beating like this. Tears well in your eyes. Blinking them away just makes them run down your cheeks. When Dirk falls and Caliborn kicks him, that’s the last straw. You’re angry. So angry, in fact, you want to kick his ass. So much so, you’re going to do it. You’re going to kick his fucking ass.

==> Jake: Defeat This Poor Son Of A Bitch

Flying into the air, you force yourself between the two and yell. You yell so hard, you barely even notice the glow around your body, the ball forming around you, or how the stage is being brightened up. The hope is so big and out of control, it swallows the three of you, though your intent is not to hurt Dirk. Caliborn is not so lucky. He’s yelling, which you can’t hear over your own screams and sobs. Eventually, the shield gets so big, Roxy and Jane are subject to it, along with everything around you guys. But you don’t want to destroy anything but Caliborn. 

==> Jake: Calm Down

You’re so lost in your anger, you barely even know what’s happening. Then, a soft voice in your head tells you to calm down. As quick as it came, the ball is gone, though you’re still glowing. Once the anger clouding your eyes has blown away, you look down at whom you just defeated, who is currently staring up at the ceiling. He’s not hurt. At least, not physically, from what you can see, but he does look very broken. Exhaustion barrels into you and you fall to the floor, lying on your stomach, hands trying to push yourself back up. You can’t, but Dirk and Caliborn both do.

You’re unsure if you’ve fallen unconscious again or not, but three metallic horses land on the stage. The pure, unadulterated absurdity of this makes you wonder if this is some sort of fever dream, but you feel awake, so what the fuck. Though with a bit of added strength from them, you get to your hands and knees, then stand. 

Caliborn is walking towards you four and, for a brief moment, you’re worried. Then, the famed red sprite Arquius comes out from the shadows ( was he always there? ) and grabs Caliborn by the neck from behind. The green asshole is choking, gasping for air, and you don’t know how to react. Luckily, the other three seem to be equally as shitting-their-pants scared as you are. This is only heightened when Dirk seems to attempt destroying them, their souls stretching and deforming, but it’s futile. As a last resort, everyone but you and your posse gets sucked into the puppet. Then, with a nod of Roxy’s head, the puppet is gone. 

You stand there in awe, wondering what just happened. Did you do it? Did you just defeat and, as a result, create Lord English? Does this mean the timeline isn’t doomed? As the other four lost kids return, you want to smile. You honestly, truly want to grin. This day has been built-up since your birth, yet, you feel empty. A fight was still going to go down. All you did was make one of the main targets all the more terrifying. But you had to. This was your purpose. 

With a pat on the back from Dirk, almost to signal you had done something right, whether you believe that or not, you all get prepared for the final battle and the subsequent winning of the game. A part of you feels your job is done, though. 

Your name is Jake English and you just fulfilled your destiny. 

==> Jake: Get Ready To Kick Some Felt Ass

[gaudeixcc]

Peloton news. G20 – the Pyrenees

A much more reasonable start to this year’s tour. No crazy-early alarm clocks, just a nice trip to the airport with only hand-luggage and a gently grumbling Macca.

Our favourite plane man had unbeknownst to me fired a very early warning shot regarding our mode of transfer on arrival in France.

At 5.50am, whilst shooting the breeze on my couch, McEvoy had enquired as to whom I’d booked the hire car with. The one which would take us to resort.

‘I dunno….it’s on the App’ sayeth I.

I had a quick look. Whoever the third party was, they had a stunning 6.5 out of 10 rating. Not quite M&S levels of service, granted, but still it’s on a trusted App, we are only using it to transfer, I’ve got insurance, it’s France for fucks sake. It’ll be quiet and I’m a capable and experienced driver…. Well, we’ll come back to that last bit shortly.

We get to Gatwick with ColMac and Drip in tow and await the arrival of HRH.

The first of many 2019 tour errors soon became massively apparent.

We’ve got two gingers on the trip. Fuck. How on earth did that get through the vetting process? I sent my beloved co-chair a text

‘JT, I’m at LGW. We’ve got problems…..’

Before too long Drip and HRH are bonded in conversation which carried over onto the flight. By the time we were at 30,000 feet they were each answering the others questions before they had even been asked. It was like listening to 2 people taking it in turn to read out just the answers on a bunch of Trivial pursuit cards.

Macca whispered to me whilst transfixed by this sight. ‘What’s happening over there?’

‘They are becoming one Macca, they are becoming one’.

By the time we had landed things had progressed further. They were now communicating with eyes closed with just index fingers lightly touching. Silence. Occasionally dripping would meow.

When we got to Toulouse we started the hunt for the hire car counter. The twin gingers (Twinge?) followed gently behind in a glowing orange aura.

Whilst all this was going on, I’d failed to notice that Macca had entered a worrying (and just about controlled) mental meltdown.

‘Where’s the hire car counter…? It’s off-site isn’t it… remote.. we’ll need to get a bus… not even in the terminal…what were they called again?’ he blurted out in staccato perfection.

‘er…. Gold cars’… sounded good to me. What could go wrong when you’ve got Gold in your company name?

Within minutes we were at the Gold counter waiting to be served.

Macca had moved to DefCon level ‘Blind-Frenzy’.

He’d got straight onto his iPhone and had a full list of every negative customer review for Gold cars. I’m in the queue and he’s jabbing the phone at me and saying ‘look’ in a high-pitched squeal, ‘Maureen from Romford….. she’s 97… and this is how they treat our British citizens..!!’

‘They’re going to sell us extra insurance and then steal all our money’.

At this point I was starting to lose my legendary zen-like calm.

Macca connected with his iPhone again and dialled up a quote for a Hertz rental car equivalent.

‘Look, we could have had this one’… and with that, he was gone. Off to the Hertz counter.

I queued quietly on my own. Drip had temporarily disconnected from the Twinge umbilical cord and was trying to locate Macca to gently nudge him toward the exit.

Right, I thought… time to get this car booked and get the hell out of dodge.

My turn came and I presented myself at the counter with my usual finesse. My mouth opened to speak and just as I was about to wish the nice lady a very good morning Macca arrived on my shoulder, phone gripped in fist and launches a barked question at the unsuspecting clerk.

‘WHY DOES YOUR COMPANY HAVE SO MANY BAD REVIEWS?’

‘WHAT DID YOU DO TO MAREEN!?’

Macca was metaphorically wrestled to the ground by airport security and tied to the nearest pillar using clingfilm and then gently tasered… (this was how my mind was dealing with the situation at any rate).

The rest of the mini-peloton looked onward in apathetic bemusement. None of them gave a flying fuck about the arrangements on the basis that if it all went wrong, I’d be the one getting all the shit and would subsequently have to get us out of the hole I’d dug.

3 pairs of peloton eyes would say ‘your name on the form, your fucking problem sunshine’.

Anyhoo… after the drama of the hire car counter (which went perfectly smoothly), we picked up the car (which went perfectly smoothly), and got ourselves in and ready to go (smooth… perfectly).

I then started to drive. Dear fucking god where the hell has my driving ability gone?

I tried to change gear twice with the door handle and got completely befuddled with the clutch before a near impalement with a coach at the very first roundabout.

There was a flurry of uncensored ginger telepathic communication in the back seat which I am sure ended with Drip saying to HRH ‘if he kills us now, I want you to know I love you’.

At one point early on in the journey, I drifted the car toward the right (something I’d done subconsciously, I suspect in an attempt to place my body in the middle of the road).

I had started to edge us toward an 18-wheeler in the next lane. I could see HRH in the rear-view mirror edging in to the middle of the car whilst breathlessly mouthing ‘watch out’.

White-knuckled hands gripped the wheel as I steadied myself. Drip, after further telepathic liaison with HRH suggested we listen to some music. No sooner thought than done, HRH racked up some impressive tune-age on the multi-media and we settled in to our journey to the Pyrenees.

Now this particular hire car was blessed with a behemoth-like engine of 1.0 litres of petrol frugality. Barely enough power to progress much past a standstill. With 70 stone of Peloton meat and gravy aboard, the thing struggled. The useless fucking clutch had zero feel and as the engine generated the mechanical momentum of a spinning 5p piece, so stalling was a regular occurrence.

4 of the 5 car inhabitants saw stalling not as a consequence of a shit car and 5 fat blokes, but more as an aching lack of talent on my part.

Worst was yet to come.

We entered resort and got to within 25 yards of destination when a tricky hill-start was required. Handbrake on, gentle rise of revs, I’ve got this. I’ve got this…..I didn’t have this.

I was about as far from having this as you can get whilst remaining in the same country.

The engine squealed, the clutch slipped, massively. NWA was turned down on Spotify and all we were left with was the stench of burning clutch.

I had a sinking feeling that I’d properly fucked the hire car.

Anyway, announcing your arrival in a plume of melted friction plates is how we rolled in team Gold car.

Greetings aside, quick sit down and then to the job of bicycling.

And so we return to the annual highlights list. A snap-shot of the rides and the riding from this year’s Grande Tour. But before we get to that, some stats.

The Rides

• Day 1. Lac d’estainge. Shortest ride at 32k but 3rd for overall ride gradient. • Day 2. Col des Tentes. A punchy 96k but a bit bleak on arrival at top • Day 3. Tourmalet. 101k. Great ending with really steep gradient for the last few hundred meters. You can see why it’s used on the tour so often. Fairly bleak riding through the town halfway up. Unrelenting 2 hours of climbing at over 8%. Brutal. Sensational ride home though through some beautiful countryside though • Day 4. Col d’Aubisque via Col du Soulor. Probably the ride of the tour in terms of utterly breath-taking scenery. Beautifully ribboned and freshly tarmacked road on the ascent, which I spent all my time on just thinking about the future descent. And then a jaw-dropping ride along a precipitous drop all the way to the top of Aubisque. A hard slog. Particularly on Soulor when a mid-teens ramp halfway up punches you right in the kidneys and jabs you in the eye for good measure. 2nd for overall ride gradient with 2.62% average for the total ride. Ouch • Day 5. Hautacam. Short out and back. 38k. God, that was one punchy climb. Kilometers click past and are either 8,9 or 10%. Felt unending. Overall ride average gradient of 3.1% made this the most climbiest rider per K we did.

The experience and the stories

• Good accommodation at the Pyrenees cycling lodge. Although Mark, our host, was somewhat perturbed to find Twinge v1.0 curled up and asleep at the foot of the front door on day 1. Twinge v2.0 preferred the comfort of the nest • Formal police notices issued for a range of offences including; the leaving of new tour top on the back of the chair overnight….shocking. The public dissing of one of the team whilst he was out on the hill. Police notice issued following a ‘whistleblower’ incident. • Yellow cap went to HRH on his maiden tour, but he was run very close by the impeccably dressed ColMac who, in my view, nailed the best single day performance with his well-judged blue accents matching the tour top perfectly. There was no suggestion of Twinge vote irregularities. Well, none were verbalised at any rate • JT won orange on the fact that he pulled his thumb out of his arse a couple of weeks before tour and did 2 or 3 turbo sessions. Everyone agreed that this sullied the good name of the Orange cap and that perhaps we should remember last year’s benchmark winner when awarding in the future. General shock and disappointment all round. At least one person cried. • The group as a whole consumed 18 complimentary fun-sized Mars each and every day. • I accounted for 17 of the above • Perfect weather • I’m not saying that sharing a room with Macca is like drawing the sleep equivalent of the short straw…….. this year’s tour saw ear-plugs land. At last we can now embrace our favourite  flyer like a long-lost brother..snore onward little one, snore onward • Biggest tour disappointment was the e-bike not running out of juice. At least 8 people prayed daily for this to come to pass • I only fell asleep twice this year at the various lunch stops… once in a deck chair next to ColMac whilst holding a pint (which I subsequently spilled on myself)…oddly enough, this incident went completely unobserved. Second time was at the top of Aubisque and lasted a nano-second. Not only was this observed but it was also filmed. Cat-like reflexes of the Pittock

….and so much more besides.

G19, a Grande Tour and huge success. My thanks go to JT for wrangling the accommodation with usual Teutonic efficiency and a huge shout out to Damo for driving all the bikes over there, complaining decidedly little and pandering to many a disorganised cyclist.

However in drawing to a close this year, I’d like to highlight 2 particular tour performances.

Firstly Dripping. The lad has had most of the bones in his body removed and replaced with man-made replicas. He has the back of a 90-year old and the combination of the 2 have meant that any sort of reasonable training regime was nigh-on impossible. He wasn’t ready to perform. At times he could barely walk straight let alone ride. To top it all off he’d had an epidural to release the muscles in his lower back, an injection which effectively puts your muscles to sleep, a consequence of which must undoubtedly seep into the legs one way or another.

Early on Tourmalet, and I mean really early, first 15 mins I reckon, I passed Dripping who was panting and out of the saddle, wrestling his bike reluctantly up an unrelenting climb.

It took me 2 hours. Drip spent an hour on top of that defeating his foe. 3 hours of climbing at over 8% in that condition. I don’t think there was anyone present on this tour who would have had the mental strength to achieve what Dripping achieved. I would have thrown my bike off a cliff having doused it in petrol and set fire to it long before the summit. Amesy wouldn’t have even boarded the plane. Clemo wouldn’t have left the bower.

As pink cap performances go, Dripping knocked it out of the park with gritted determination and practically zero complaining (apart from when our host effectively called him a vagrant for dossing in the hall).

The biggest problem Dripping now faces is going to be awarding the cap next year. He has shocking form in this particular decision-making department. Last time he did the honours he overlooked Damo’s stellar tour and gave it to James, who had pulled his thumb out of his arse and had done 2 or 3 turbo sessions. I swear to god I think I’ve seen JT do the old Obi Wan Kanobi Jedi mind tricks on awards night more than once…’there’s nothing to see here… move along’

In a bold future prediction, the G20 pink cap odds are currently, Damo 3/1 (patience and service of Drip’s woefully cleaned bike), JT 2/1 (Jedi), HRH evens (blood is blood).

Before we finish, time to look at things through a slightly different lens.

A coupla months back, I accompanied JT and his chum Neil (inventor of the petrol engine) on a wee trip to Austria. This was prior to JT putting in his incredible 2-3 turbo sessions I might add.  

As the wee-man and and I snuffled and puffed our way up Großglockner we both discussed the possibility of e-bikes on future tours. We saw families of all ages out on bike, often with the older generation right in the mix on their leccy MTB’s.

We loved being out on the bike but could feel the pain of the combination of hurt from lack of preparation, weight and age.

In a universe which sees entropy rule, moving order and structure slowly but inevitably into chaos, time is our enemy. We can fight and push but this ride is one-way only. It’s a big step to make decisions to tackle a harder path just to be able to enjoy the journey, but by chosing to go on tour with an e-bike this year, this is the path Moley chose. And he bloody loved every second of G20. Always smiling. Riding every mile. The e-bike enabled him to continue and properly enjoy the love of cycling in the big country with the boys.

He took a lot of shit for that decision. And indeed, can rightly expect to continue to do so. In fact, we are all still praying the fucker will run out of juice one day! But taking the piss is one thing, I actually think more than one of us looked negatively on the decision to do these rides on an e-bike. Almost as if it were cheating.

Now Moley may have had some assistance enjoying the trip, but he still had to put a shift in. And what else was he to do..? Not go, because he didn’t want to suffer and at some point, or even worse, fail over the 5 days?

Moley is the first person to take an e-bike on tour.

He will not be the last.

I want to ride as long as possible on a normal bike, but fuck me I’ll be e-biking it all the way if it’s a choice between doing or not doing.

Dripping aced pink on G19 with grit and utter determination.

Internally he said ‘fuck this, I’m going no matter what’.

Moley knew he would get a lot of stick for the e-bike choice.

Internally he said ‘fuck this, I’m going no matter what’.

That’s the spirit fellas.

G20, the summit, beckons. Majorca. The weekend of 25th April is looking likely. Gentlemen, clear your diaries. Gaudeix press release and invite to follow shortly.

Do 2 or 3 turbo sessions and a cap is more or less guaranteed.

Ride safely my lil fuckerinos….

Hoppo