#tagging this was a task phew

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Need

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Character: Daryl Dixon x Fem!Reader | Prison Era

Summary: After somehow convincing Daryl to let you go on a hunt with him, you stop to admire a pretty flower. Little did you know, the pollen would have an… interesting effect on you.

Warnings: smut, swearing, sexual details, sex pollen??, insecurity on daryl’s part, a little fluffy, a little angsty, apparently no threat of walkers bc they get it on in the woods.

Word Count: 2,500 ish

18+

Convincing Daryl to let you tag along on a hunt was a task in itself. He was the closest thing you had to a best friend these days, so he knew how antsy you got when being behind the prison gates for too long. He felt the same way. That didn’t mean he was going to let you go out into possible danger any easier though. You practically had to drop to your knees and beg him to let you join, swearing you’d bring extra luck for him to catch a deer. Muttering something like “ain’t need no luck” under his breath, he eventually agreed to let you join. You pretended not to see his cheeks redden when you wrapped your arms around his neck in an excited hug.

That was about two hours ago. Now, you were following him through the forest as he tracked some animal. You were doing your best to keep quiet, given the fact that he had scolded you just about five minutes ago for walking too carelessly (whatever that means). You started to grow bored. Sure it was nice being away from the prison, but you figured your best friend would entertain you in at least some conversation. You should’ve known better, this was Daryl Dixon.

You were about to suggest playing a silly game of truth or truth when you saw something pink out of the corner of your eye. You paused and walked over, observing a beautiful flower that looked like it belonged to a storybook. Your internal battle of deciding whether or not to pick it was fast as you assumed a walker would just trample it anyway. So you picked it.

Daryl knew right away that you weren’t following him anymore, so he paused for a drink of water while he watched you get distracted by a flower. He rolled his eyes, but couldn’t fight the smile as he noticed you pick it and immediately bring it to your nose to inhale the scent. As you pulled it away from your face, he saw it left pink specks of pollen on your nose.

“Ya got a lil somethin’ on yer nose.”

Instead of a reply, he was met with a series of four loud sneezes.

“Jeez woman, gonna draw all the walkers in.”

You giggled, wiped your nose, and finally replied with a small, “sorry.”

“If yer done pickin’ flowers, let’s get back to trackin’ this deer,” he said as he grabbed his bag from where he placed it on the forest floor.

You gasped, “You didn’t tell me we were tracking a deer! I told you I would bring good luck.”

He rolled his eyes at you for the second time that day and muttered “stop.”

It started as an ache in between your legs. It wasn’t particularly unpleasant, but it was surprising how strong it was.

You weren’t unfamiliar with the feeling of arousal. You were a girl who knew her own body. At least before the end of the world. There wasn’t enough time, safety, or privacy to bring yourself pleasure. Not to mention the lack of people throwing themselves at you.

Still, it was unfamiliar for you to feel so much arousal on a hunt with Daryl.

Daryl.

You found your gaze wandering to the archer taking sure steps in front of you. His shoulders seemed to be broader than normal… no, he was always this large. Your eyes went lower as you found yourself thinking about what else had to be large, accidentally letting out a whimper.

Daryl didn’t stop walking, just tossed a “ya okay?” over his shoulder.

You shook your head, as if it would cleanse your brain of the impure thoughts you had for your best friend, and answered.

“Yeah, sorry, just tripped over my feet. You know me, super clumsy haha.” Stop talking!

He just grunted in response. Phew.

You wondered if he would grunt like that while he was deep inside of you…

This time you actually did trip, bumping into the firm man in front of you. He whipped around and grabbed you by your shoulders.

“Tha’ hell? What’s gotten into ya?”

Not you, sadly.

He looked at you more deeply and noticed your face was flushed pink like the flower you still held in your hand, and your chest was rising and falling with heavy breaths.

“Are ya okay? Ya bit?” He asked with a worried look as his eyes ran down your frame.

It wouldn’t make sense for you to have gotten bit, he was with you the entire time. No, it was something else.

You looked up at him with a glazed look in your eyes and got out the words “so hot.” You weren’t sure if you were talking about your body temperature or him at this point. His big hands on your shoulders felt as if they were burning holes through your skin. The ache between your legs had turned into a stabbing pain, and your lower stomach felt a different kind of hunger. Lust.

Daryl was beyond worried when he saw you drop your flower to clutch at your stomach. His eyes looked to the flower and recognition finally crossed his brain. Oh no.

He scooped you up bridal style, and you all but moaned. Now that he knew what was happening, a blush reached his face. He carried you to a nearby willow tree next to a lake and sat you down under the shade. You whined when he let go, so he made sure to at least grab your hands with his.

“Sunshine? I need ya to listen to me.”

You met his eyes and nodded, but still had a glazed over expression.

He sighed, knowing this was the best it would get. “I think tha’ flower ya smelled was one of those aphrodisiacs. A really strong one too. I remember reading about it in that unique plants of Georgia book ya found for me.”

Your eyes widened and you let out another whine. “It hurts so bad. I- I need. Ugh.”

“Ya need to just wait it out. Could be a couple of hours.”

“No Daryl I can’t. I need you to fix it. Please fix it.”

He wasn’t sure what you were asking for, but he knew he’d give you anything if you asked him with those big, round eyes.

“Honey, I’m not sure what yer askin’.

“Need you to fuck me.”

That stopped his breath where it was in his chest. His eyes widened as he looked anywhere but your desperate face. He knew you weren’t in your right mind. You didn’t actually want him, you just wanted to act on the arousal you felt. He wasn’t sure he could handle your touch if it wasn’t genuine.

He was drawn out of his thoughts as he saw you strip your shirt off out of the corner of his eye. Somehow, his face grew even more red.

“Nah, you don’t wanna do this. You don’t want me.”

“Daryl please, I only want you. I’ve only wanted you for so long. Since the farm. Not just your body, but your soul and mind and thoughts and oh my god please I just need you to fuck me. Make it go away please.” You cried.

His heart stopped at your confession. Was this true or was it just the drug from the flower talking?

He brought his hands up to your cheeks and looked into your eyes as you nuzzled into his warm palms.

“Need ya to look at me.” He waited until your eyes met his. “Need ya to tell me that you really want this, want me. And that ya wont regret it.”

You brought your hands to his on your face. “I promise. I want you. I want you so bad. Only you.”

With that, he roughly pushed his lips to yours in a heated kiss. You could’ve melted then and there. Especially when you moved your hand to wrap around the back of his hair and heard the sound he let out. A kind of grunt that you had only heard in your dreams until then.

“Imma take care of ya. Don’t worry baby.” He panted.

Clothes were off in an instant, but Daryl’s shirt stayed on. You knew about the scars and had seen them a few times, but you didn’t want to push him. Plus, you weren’t in the state to reassure him much anyway.

He currently had you on your back on the soft moss next to the willow tree, his mouth sucking your clit and fingers deep in your pussy. He said he needed to warm you up, even after you tried to convince him you were warmed up enough. You had a feeling it was more for him to prepare himself anyway.

It was heavenly, his eyes closed and arms wrapped around your thighs. His tongue never stopping at lapping up your wetness. His fingers gently but firmly hooking into you at a steady pace. It was perfect.

But it wasn’t enough.

“Daryl, please, I need more. I need you, please.” You gasped out.

He released your clit with a wet pop and pulled his fingers out of you, licking them clean of your juices. Your eyes could’ve rolled back in your head at the sight.

“Alright,” he rasped out, “quit yer whinin’ girl.”

You grinned up at him as he pumped his cock in his hands. You knew he was big.

He must’ve seen you drooling over his dick because he smirked and gently caressed your cheek before popping his thumb into your mouth for you to suck.

You weren’t sure where this newfound confidence came from, but god you loved it.

He took his thumb out and shushed you as you whined in protest.

“Ya ready for me baby?”

You could’ve nodded until your head fell off. His “warming you up” took the edge off, but the ache was back in full force, begging for you to just jump on him.

“Please Daryl. Need you so bad.”

“Alright, alright. Tell me if anythin’ hurts. I’ll try and be gentle baby.”

Your heart swooned but your lust clouded brain wanted you to yell at him to not be gentle. Instead, you settled on nodding at him.

Daryl placed his tip at your entrance and looked into your eyes as he pushed inside. Any amount of hesitance he felt dissipated as soon as he felt your wet, warm walls squeezing him.

The stretch you felt was the relief you needed. You felt your thoughts clear, as well as your clouded eyes.

Daryl noticed the change immediately and kissed your nose, then your forehead.

“Ya okay? Want me to stop?” He asked with a hint of embarrassment. Now that he solved your “problem” he was worried that you’d suddenly find him less appealing and grow disgusted with him. He tried to push the thoughts away, but his brain has always been programmed to doubt himself. He felt your arms snake up his back and hold on tight to him as your legs wrapped around him to keep him inside of you.

“Don’t you dare stop.” You breathed out, still accommodating to the stretch you felt between your legs. “I still want you. Still need you.”

Even though the effects of the pollen were sated as soon as he entered you, that didn’t stop you from being turned on by the archer. You always knew you wanted something more with him, and now you were finally getting it. So you bucked your hips up further on his length with a moan.

He closed his eyes tight to prevent himself from thrusting the rest of the way into you. He knew he was big, and now that you were thinking more clearly, he knew that he had to be more gentle. When he opened his eyes, he saw you looking at him with wide eyes and your teeth tugging on your lower lip. God, you were beautiful.

He brought your hands above your head and locked your fingers with his. Then he slowly and finally filled you up the rest of the way. You both gasped and squeezed each other’s hands.

You let out a whine when he pulled out again, but sighed as he thrusted back in.

“Harder, you won’t break me.” You pleaded with him.

“I gotcha.” His next thrust was hard enough for you to release his hands and clutch onto his back. He leaned on one of his arms above you and brought the other to press into your lower stomach. “You feel me right here, baby? So deep huh?”

“Oh my god!” You moaned out for him. “Daryl… feels so good.”

He just thrusted faster and harder in response, desperate to make you feel good like you deserve.

He felt you tighten around him and he read your body signs with ease, as if you two had done this a million times before. He brought the hand was pressing on your lower stomach down to find and circle your puffy clit, getting a reaction immediately. You gasped and scratched your nails down his covered back as you somehow got out the word, “gonna-“

“I know, let go for me baby, c’mon.” He felt himself getting closer, wishing so bad that he could stay inside your cunt and finish there, but he knew the risks.

You tugged his body into yours as you finished around him, squeezing him in more ways than one.

Daryl let you ride out your pleasure before pulling out of the sweet cunt that kept sucking him in. It only took two pumps for him to release all over your inner thighs with a raspy grunt. He sat back on his knees and watched as his cum trickled down the puffy wetness between your legs and fell into the moss below him. He wished he has a camera in a moment like this, but he decided to settle on a mental snapshot for later.

He grabbed his handkerchief from his pants on the forest floor and wiped his cum from your thighs. You smiled up at him even though he wouldn’t meet your eyes. You grabbed his hand when he finished and brought it up to your lips to kiss his knuckles.

You could’ve laughed at the blush that crossed his features. This man just said the dirtiest things to you without shame, but got so shy over a small kiss to his hand.

When Daryl finally met your eyes, a look of relief showed on his face as he saw the smile that graced your lips. He suddenly collapsed onto his back next to you and brought your face to his in the sweetest kiss ever experienced between you two.

“This wasn’t a one time thing, right?” You asked, furrowing a brow at him.

He pecked your pouted lips again. “Nah, now that I have ya, I ain’t lettin’ ya go.”

As you and Daryl enjoyed the blissful silence together, tracing fingers along each other’s frames, you both jumped when you heard sticks cracking a couple of feet away.

You both relaxed when you saw that it was the deer that brought you both out here in the first place. You started giggling uncontrollably, scaring the deer away.

Daryl scoffed. “Last time I take ya on a hunt with me, woman.”

You just continued giggling into his chest with the smile that he adored.

[thatdeadaquarius]

Soon.

☆

With a puzzled squint, you could see the adeptus was running over what you said in his mind, trying to parse out the meaning. Xiao then threw his head up out of his slight bow, almost glaring at you, “There is no task nor person more important than guarding you, my Lord. I will stand guard, worry not about my state.”

Nodding to you, he abruptly turned on his heel to shift to the side of the entrance to the mansion, his spear tall and ready. You’d have twitched a smile at him if you could, as you're sure he’s gotten a little more comfortable with you than when you first officially met. You’re also sure from meeting Zhongli just once in person that he’d have a small heart attack if he saw some of Xiao’s informal behavior.

But you’re glad he hasn’t, the more relaxed they are, especially considering your form, the better.

You duck inside, though the ceilings are so raised that you don’t have to go that low surprisingly. Huh, it was nice to be anticipated in a building usually sized for human heights. Wow. You’ve really reached the point of casually calling yourself inhuman.

…well, to be real with yourself right now, it might actually help to get more accustomed to that in case you’re never human again.

You also put that possibility back into the vault at the back of your mind.

☆

HEY I live, again,

I had a big life update what with my sib graduating grad school (getting their masters degree) at the same time we both moved like 2 states over from our home state 😅

and unfortunately, i wasnt able to get my monster of a sequel out in time to post it remotely to get it out to you guys while i was afk

(as i havent had wifi/free time consistently in like 2-3 weeks)

which, phew, im finally able to be settled in one place enough to write again, and have enough time in the day to not be dealing wiht my apartment to write ToT

i hope you guys arent too mad at me! (or have forgotten me?? sobs)

also.

i hear Natlan's coming out. 👀

I don't think it'll be out before i post the full (3 chapters total planned) sequel, but just in case, disclaimer-

🪄I am not to be held liable for not writing about Natlan bc it wasnt out yet woooo🪄

anyway, yeah its also taking a bit bc i wanna post the completed thing all in one go, over the course of like 3 days or so, that way u guys can actually look forward to the next little chapter in a reasonable amount of time lmao

well yknow, if anyones still reading this or my blog lol

happy summer you guys! I hope u all are having a good one so far, esp those of you in school, heart going out to yall fr <33

Catch you on the flip side (ao3 side?)��️

Safe Travels,

💀♒

If you wanna join a taglist, DM me what for! "Pspspsss, please tag me for [All SAGAU posts, Only SAGAU Language AUs, diff fandom, etc.]!"

(If you ever wanna drop, just DM me! "No more taglists/[specifically this AU/fandom] please!")

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk / @the-dumber-scaramouche / @chocogi / @fallen-starr / @areaderofbooks / @devilangel657 / @esthelily / @justinsomniachild / @nanithefuck / @questionotmystopit / @chinuneko / @silvers-tongue

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[sirhamburrger]

CHOCOLATE FROGS AND QUIDDITCH PITCHES (m. bachira x reader)

━☆ (hogwarts au, for day ??? of @phantasmaebg) ━☆ i just want my husband back atp bruh ━☆ wc: 1351 (submitted one minute before ebg ended PHEW)(i will admit i formatted the post after the dealine but i wrote this before) || tags/cw: slytherin!reader, muggleborn!reader, hufflepuff!bachira, suicidal ideation/intent (only briefly), oliver and kaiser cameo because why not || event m.list ━☆ i had a plan once... i had a plan once

it’s in your first year at hogwarts of witchcraft and wizardry that you meet meguru bachira. more like the first day, actually - you sit opposite him in an otherwise empty train cabin on the hogwarts express.

“hey,” he mumbles through a mouthful of what says chocolate frog on the wrapper, holding another one out to you. “want one?”

and you accept, of course, because you’re so new to all this and you don’t know how everything works. it was only a week ago that you were uprooted from your life of pre-pubescent normalcy to study at some - some magic school. so you accept the chocolate frog, jumping when it leaps into your lap. you jump again when the figure on the trading card moves.

“you’re not one of us, are you?” he says curiously.

a pang of something unpleasant hits you right in the chest. as if you needed another reminder that you don’t fit in this new world, that you don’t belong.

“no,” you mutter, tears threatening to spill. but he senses your obvious dejection, and walks over to take the seat beside you.

“nothing to be ashamed of.” he swallows the last bit of chocolate frog, taking your hand in his. “i’ll tell you everything there is to know about your new world, and you’ll fit right in in no time, i promise.”

and thus, the first day of school is when you make your first real friend.

---

by your second year at hogwarts, you’re best friends with meguru bachira.

being in a different house from your best friend is hard. sure, you’ve got friends in slytherin looking out for you, like isagi and reo, but to have to stare at meguru over the heads of a ton of other students gets pretty lonely sometimes.

still, you spend every moment you can together. you’re always the first two to get to the dining hall for lunch break, giggling as you race down the hallways, almost knocking headmaster ego down the steps. you fool around with meguru in your shared classes, earning scolding after exasperated scolding from your professors.

it’s also the year his mother sends him a brand-new broomstick at first term’s start, and he lets you try it out before he himself does. (you fall off after two seconds, and you both promise not to mention that ever again.) he gets into the quidditch team - of course he would, he’s been playing since he was six - landing the role of hufflepuff’s newest chaser. 

---

your third year at hogwarts brings new classes and even more mischief. meguru’s fascination with magical creatures gets the two of you into trouble in care of magical creatures. professor marc snuffy introduces a herd of mischievous hippogriffs, and meguru, of course, insists on getting closer than allowed. he dares you to ride one with him, but your shrieks of terror echo across the grounds when it bolts unexpectedly.

there’s the first hogsmeade trip, too. your first taste of independence, ironically, tastes like earwax - you splutter in both indignance and disgust as you spit out the jelly beans, smacking him upside the head.

he brings you to madam puddifoot’s afterwards as an apology. (“i hear it’s a lot better than honeydukes,” he says.) 

---

your fourth year at hogwarts is the first year the triwizard tournament is held in a long, long time. neither of you is old enough to participate, but meguru insists on sneaking down to the edge of the lake during the second task. you sit together, bundled under a shared cloak, watching the champions battle merpeople and enchanted waters.

“you’d crush this,” you tell him, half-joking, as you sip hot butterbeer from a flask he smuggled out of the kitchen.

“probably not.” he grins, leaning back against the tree trunk. “but i’d make it fun.”

later that year, when the yule ball is announced, you and meguru decide to go together (“not like that, obviously!”). you have to turn down a sixth-year from beauxbatons (oliver aiku, you think his name is), as well as a seventh-year from durmstrang, michael kaiser. your heart skips a beat at meguru’s too-obvious joy when you tell him all about it.

he wears egregiously mismatched dress robes, and you both spend the evening laughing and spinning each other around on the dance floor until your feet begin to ache in your heels.

---

fifth year is when things start to feel real. the stress of o.w.l.s looms over your heads like a storm cloud, and the workload threatens to crush your spirit. but meguru, ever the optimist, finds ways to keep you smiling. he doodles strange, wobbly sketches of magical creatures in the margins of your notes, sneaks you snacks during late-night study sessions, and charms your quills to write compliments whenever you feel like giving up.

it’s also the year you start learning how to cast your patronus. you learn pretty early on, but meguru can’t quite seem to get it.

“you’ll have to teach me that,” he whispers one night when you sneak out to show him, marveling at the silvery form darting around the candlelit room.

“only if you promise to name yours something ridiculous,” you tease.

“i’ll name it after you!”

“are you calling me ridiculous?”

some not-so-pleasant things happen in your fifth year, though - it’s when your fellow slytherins find out you’re a muggleborn.

mudblood, they mutter in the hallways. worthless filth. good-for-nothing. unclean. every day is a struggle to hold back your tears, and though isagi and reo do their best to protect you, it’s all too much sometimes. meguru finds you standing on the ledge of the astronomy tower one night, sobbing and sniffling.

he coaxes you down, and you tremble in his arms for who knows how long.

after that night, it’s like the slytherin and hufflepuff quidditch teams are your own personal guard. scaring off anyone who even dares to look at you the wrong way. they still laugh, and you resign eventually, knowing they might never stop. but you’re the last one laughing when you ace your o.w.l.s.

---

sixth year feels like the calm before the storm. you’re both older now, more aware of the world’s realities dangers, but you cling to the small joys that hogwarts offers. meguru is now a star player on the hufflepuff quidditch team, and you never miss a match, cheering louder than anyone when he scores.

in return, he helps you brew your amortentia potion in potions class. you’re embarrassed when the scent that wafts up reminds you of the freshly cut grass on a quidditch pitch, croakoa from chocolate frogs, and something uniquely… him. but you never say a word about it, and neither does he, though his flushed face sometimes makes you wonder if he knows.

you’ve both changed, physically and emotionally, and it’s a little scary sometimes. the two of you spend hours in the astronomy tower, where it happened, stargazing and talking about your future. 

“do you think this is it?” you ask one night, your voice barely above a whisper.

“this?” he looks at you, his golden eyes soft and uncharacteristically serious. “nah. this is just the beginning.”

---

your final year at hogwarts is a blur of emotions. you both know that life beyond the castle walls won’t be as forgiving. but meguru refuses to let the gloom and doom of graduation year weigh you down. he drags you to every corner of the castle, insisting you make the most of your remaining days. you leave no stone unturned, no secret passage unexplored.

graduation day arrives far too quickly. as you stand side by side in your robes, watching the sunset from the top of the astronomy tower, he takes your hand in his. “we’ll be okay,” he says, his voice steady despite the uncertainty in his eyes. “no matter what happens.”

it’s then that you kiss him, tasting the sweetness of chocolate frogs on his tongue. and as you pull away, seeing the way the setting sun reflects off his golden eyes, you know you’ve found your home in him.

bllk masterlist || general masterlist © sirhamburrger 2025

[choicesmc]

MC: Rin Day | Series: The Freshman | WC: 1.1K Tagging: @choicesmonthlychallenge | Category: Second Servings

Rin was starting to hate that word, love. 

Harley stared at her, his black hair impossibly shiny under the dull light. He dropped a kiss to her plump cheek, sighing as he muttered, “Don’t worry about it, alright Rinny?” His warm hands burned against hers; his lips soft against her skin; his eyes watched hers, sweet and slow as honey. 

For all that word was worth, Rin was starting to hate it two times as much. She barely managed a weak nod and Harley, still, stroked her hair, pressing another kiss to the crown of her head, before leaving her to her racing thoughts. His question had been deceivingly simple: do you love me?

His hands were warm, so were hers. 

His lips were soft, so were hers. 

His eyes always, without fail, lit up when he saw her. Did hers? 

Later, as the sun rose, Rin let the water mirror her reflection, turning her face this way and that. People in love were supposed to have a certain glow to them, that much Rin knew. As a young girl, sitting beside her star-crossed mother, she hadn’t been quite sure what made love so magical. 

Now, with her mother long gone, the sparkle that danced around her eyes’ reflection still wasn’t hers, merely the sun’s playful rays against the piddling waves in her cup. 

Yet, Rin persisted, summoning her every impression of Harley: the way he leaned against nothing when he stood; the sunlight scent that clung to him; the haunting phew-pheeew-phew whistle he’d blow when he thought no one could hear; the uneven pace of his feet against the tiled floors and still, there wasn’t even a sparkle in her eyes. 

Instead, her own analytical face stared up at her, curious eyes wandering around the landscape of her face. 

Rin downed her cup of water and tried again.

This time all she’d heard about love was organized, lined up, and listed in her mind. A nice, safe checklist of what love was. A sprawling checklist it’d be, she was sure. Love was omnipresent, she’d heard so much about it. From the movies her grandmother used to play to the way it’d wrecked and ruined her mother’s own life. Surely, her checklist would be extensive and, by the end, she would know, without fail, if she loved Harley.

Spreading her ten chubby fingers before her, Rin recounted everything she’d ever learned about love. It was: 

Patient. 

Rin was patient, that was one finger down. 

Kind. 

Rin was kind, that was another down. 

Affection? Passion? Tenderness?

Well, she liked Harley well enough. She was nice enough to him; they could never be accused of being passionless; and Harley was tender enough with her. Was that another finger down? 

Staring at her measly two and a half fingers down, Rin quickly realized this collection of three barely good ideas would hardly serve as a checklist. Letting her hands sag to her side, Rin hung her head. 

A bitter laugh filtered through her. She was no closer to answering the damned question than she was when she started. 

Staring at the receding night, Rin put the thought away. 

The day would be filled with counseling sessions, strategy meetings (where she really did nothing but sit around as her lawyers debated how to handle her case), and group activities scattered around the poor detention center. There wouldn’t be enough time to dwell on the vastness of love or its piss-poor definition. Rin was sure of it. 

Instead, the thought managed to haunt her from task to task, barely letting Rin rest without bursting into her consciousness and demanding her attention. 

While she hung with the other girls her age, Rin had to wonder: had they been in love? 

While she lurked in the corner of her lawyers’ meeting, the fashionable one mentioned a boyfriend and she was almost tempted to blurt: how did you know? 

While she changed into her pajamas, watching couples give each other secret goodbyes, she fought the urge to stride between them and whisper: what does it feel like? To be in love? What does it feel like? 

When Harley finally crept to their secret spot, a little alcove hidden just behind the gardenhouse, Rin couldn’t stop herself. Without thinking, with almost jealous anger, she asked, “Harley, do you love me?”

Harley, for what it was worth, paused before answering, leaning back against nothing as he let his hand trail up his arm, he responded, “I do. At least, I think I do.” 

Ignoring the falter of his second sentence, Rin demanded, “How, how do you know?” 

At this, Harley beamed, letting his arm out to play with a strand of her hair, his voice a coying whisper, “I look at you and you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. I can’t help but smile around you. I want to be honest with you. I don’t want to make you sad or see you hurt. But when you are hurt or sad I want to be the one who makes you feel better. I feel ugly trying to imagine not loving you. There’s no other girl I could say this to. That’s love.”

Rin let him play with her hair, listening to him hum as her own mind spiraled. Her brows furrowed. None of that rang true. Not a single word that’d fallen from his lips made a damn lick of sense. Was it some sort of prank? Something she was supposed to puzzle over until he’d finally had his fill of fun and exposed the mischief? 

Finally, she said, “That sounds crazy. Are you sure that’s how you feel?” 

Harley paused playing with her hair, his hand trembling just close enough to her face that Rin knew she’d hurt him. Still, he shrugged and said, “My dad always said love made a fool of him.”

“What,” she teased, “did you take after him?”

This, at least, pulled a light laugh from him, “I guess?” 

Harley played with Rin’s hair, watching the strands bounce back when he tugged them. Rin let him, herself occupied with trying to map the features of his face with the few slivers of starlight blanketing the alcove. 

He wasn’t the pinnacle of beauty, sure, but none of them were. He looked fine enough. Neither did Rin feel particularly inclined to frown around him. She supposed she smiled more with him than she’d done with anyone else. Neither did she want to lie to him. But, in all fairness, the same could be said of everyone she’d ever met. She didn’t want to see him sad or hurt either; but she didn’t have to be the one that made him feel better.

Frankly, she couldn’t wrap her head around any of it. All of it was a convoluted, complicated, tortuous web. 

So, when Harley whispered that question again: do you love me? 

She stumbled over her sentences, trying to articulate her fragmented understanding of love, trying to trace her own feelings onto a foreign map, trying to answer that damned question once and for all.

[fixyourwritinghabits]

I am trying to write a story where a dog is a prominent part of the main character’s life (a guide dog). I am struggling to write the relationship between the character and his dog, as well as how to write about a dog in general. Do you have any suggestions?

Phew, okay, you've asked a very cat person about dogs, so there's not much I can offer you, but I'll give it a shot.

Breed matters. Different dog breeds were bred for specific jobs, and no matter how little their current lives have to do with that job, the traits remain. Herding breeds will try to herd everything from cats to small children. Small hunting dogs were bred to dig prey out from holes and will continue to dig when they can. Small, yappy dogs were often guard dogs, which is why every little thing will set them off. Even mixed dogs will retain such behaviors, so your first step is to figure out what kind of dog you want. Guide dogs are often labradors, retrievers, and german shepherds, but those aren't your only options, and you can always mix things up by going for an unconventional breed.

Personality matters. Dogs may display traits based on their breed, and you'll find a lot of generalizing about how each breed behaves, but most pet owners will tell you dogs have their own unique personalities. Your dog character is going to have their own quirks, from favorite food to toys to how they play, react to new people, and signal that they want something. Think about how the dog not only interacts with the main character, but also their environment and the people around them.

Training matters. Guide dogs go through very specific and careful training depending on what job they're being tasked with. Not all dogs, no matter the breed, are suited to be guide dogs, and the training process is structured to ensure if they're entrusting the dog with a person's safety, they can do the job. Researching what kind of training your dog would go through and what reward system they rely on will be important.

How your character interacts with the dog is also something worth exploring. If you don't have any experiences with owning a dog yourself, reach out to people who do. See if you can volunteer at a shelter and pick the brains of the people there. You can find a dog park to do some dog-watching (like bird-watching!), or you can see if you can tag along with a friend when they take their dog for a walk.

The best way to figure out how dog/human relationships work is to spend some time around dogs and their humans. If your opportunities are limited, you can also reach out to collect stories from people. How would they describe their dog? What kind of interactions do they have? What weird things do they do?

When you have a decent amount of material, give yourself permission to write the story even if you don't think you'll get it right. You can always seek feedback and fix things in the future.

[medea10]

Medea Played Pokemon Scarlet & Violet, The DLC's (Part II)

Okay, let's check out Blueberry Academy.

If you'll indulge me for a second...

BLUE HIS HOUSE

WITH A BLUE LITTLE WINDOW

AND A BLUE CORVETTE

AND EVERYTHING IS BLUE FOR HIM

I apologize for nothing. Moving away from the random musical interlude. This academy is a floating terarium in the Unova region.

And here's our first nod to the Black & White games. The girl with the pink hair is Lacey.

She came from this guy's penis.

Oh, there are more surprises this DLC has.

This rich-ass school has four places in this dome, the canyon, the coast, the savanna, and the polar. Many, many, many pokemon not in the original game are there. Yes, all the starters. There is however, a hefty price tag for that.

Aside from the vending machines at the rest areas, you are to pay with BP's (Blueberry Points). And you get that by doing Blueberry Picnics (BBQs). Unfortunately, the tasks are only worth like 100 or something cheap like that. And if you want ALL the starters, you have to have a grand total of 12,000 points. And so much more points if you want to decorate your club room, put music in it, print items, challenge the elite four, buy special items at the school cafeteria, get new features for selfies, learn new throwing styles, invite coaches like Larry, and catch legendaries.

Phew, that is a lot. My recommendation, host and/or join BBQs. If you're like me and are prone to playing solo, there are some Discord groups that offer a lot of opportunities. The group quests are something you'll need to get more legendaries. Moving on.

You will eventually meet up with Carmine. Her brother however...

Kieran becomes an angsty teenager who should just go back to his dorm room, put on some My Chemical Romance, and cry into his knock-off Ogerpon teal mask.

More importantly, Kieran is the champ of the school. Higher than the elite four. You know where this is going. You have to challenge the elite four and then Kieran.

That's when you're introduced to Drayton. And it better be obvious to you by looking at this kid. He's a slacker. He was the ex-champ. He's definitely a dragon-type trainer. But more importantly, he is the grandson to Unova gym leader Drayden.

And as you can tell, Carmine hates this guy's guts. Drayton will sucker you into challenging the elite four. There is pushback as you are merely an exchange student. But you do get the support of two members and Kieran just wants to defeat you. Yeah, we'll see how that turns out for you.

Okay, let's take on the E4. Please note that every single battle you do here are double battles. And give this game some credit, these are not easy battles. Not even the random trainers are.

Let's battle Amarys first. Just like the gyms in Paldea, you have to do certain tasks first before the battle. Amarys has you and Koraidon jump through hoops. Kinda like a Mario Party game.

I have my own theories about this girl as I think she's the product of Lenora and her white husband Hawes. But apparently, she's from Castelia City and Lenora is from a different town. So, that theory ends with me. Also, she's a steel-type trainer.

Next, let's battle Crispin.

He's a fire-type trainer. His first task is to make him a spicy sandwich. I have no theories of where this kid came from. The second I saw Crispin and his cooking attire and his pan...

And all I can think of is Kuga from Food Wars. They're both spicy boys who cook. And they're both in an elite group where they both are on the verge of getting kicked out.

Drayton's trial can be tricky if you're walking into this blindfolded. You have to face three trainers only using pokemon you caught in the Terarium. Raids in the terarium do not count. Traded pokemon technically caught in the terarium do not count. Once done, you can battle the dragon boy.

And as for Lacey...

Urp.

I'm resisting the urge to not bring up learning about Venonat's radar eyes from Tracey Sketchit in the second season. Oh wait, I still said it. You should know me by now.

Lacey's trial is a quiz with 5 questions. It's actually the easiest trial. As long as you know where she sleeps on Granbull and which is the true Sinistea.

Kid, I'm about ready to put you through a wall. Sigh. Let me just waste this wannabe punk.

You are going to battle Kieran. Much of the school and the E4 come out to watch you. And if you want to watch this boy suffer, put Ogerpon in your team.

So you defeat him.

Kieran pretty much has a mental breakdown and is beyond repair at this moment.

SELFIE TIME!!!

As much as I'd love to relish in this kid's agony, we have to move the story along. Because immediately after, Ms. Briar asks for you, Kieran, Carmine, and Drayton for help.

So all of us (minus Drayton because he's a lazy-fuck) are going to Area Zero. Briar was finally able to get permission from Geeta and Rika (who are there now). It's been a while since I saw Rika.

GAH! What did I do?!

Oh. I forgot about The Way Home arc already. When it's been a full year since playing, you tend to forget why you're being yelled at.

Geeta gives you the Indigo Disk (hence the name of this DLC). Has no idea what it is or why it is. But thinks you might have some use for it.

The Indigo Disk actually sends you to a lower level of Area Zero since it seems Professor Crazy Bitch's lab is locked down due to inactivity.

In the depths of Area Zero, you'll come across these special tera pokemon. They are stella-tera. And in the depthiest of depths, we will come across Terapagos.

Kieran decides he's going to use this opportunity to surpass you.

LADY, CONTROL YOUR STUDENT!

What am I, a judge in a Donald Trump trial?

More swipes at Trump. I thought I told you that we won't stop! I thought I told you that we won't stop!

Terapagos eventually emerges. But then...

This little shit catches it with a Master Ball. I'm impressed.

Kieran battles you with Terapagos. It fails. Then, Briar tells him to terastylize Terapagos.

Think of this as a Tera-raid from Hell. It puts up three barriers. Constantly takes away your ability to terastylize. And every now and then, it changes what type it is. All the while, Briar is having her wet-dream of seeing Terapagos in full form and Kieran is...

Yeah, this whole thing is a cluster-fuck. Time for you to end this nightmare and catch this fucker.

But wait, didn't Kieran catch it with a master ba...?

We good now? Okay. Let's take this behemoth down.

After finishing off Terapagos, you can then catch it, and 100% rate for this one. It better be after all the shit you go through.

Lady, Ms. Frizzle has more control than you do.

Well, that's the end of the main story to Indigo Disc. The pokemon is caught, the day is saved, we think Kieran is going back to normal, and the end credits play with a remix to Ed Sheeran's Celestial.

Okay, I think this is a perfect place to end my shit-post.

To be continued.

[tomboyjessie13]

Upscale Mall - Cairo, Egypt Spring 11:45 AM

A few days after the whole affair with Daniel J. D'Arby, Mariah and Midler took Medea to a convoluted but very fancy looking mall to make up for the incident, as well as the cancelled baseball game that started it all, the mall in question was large and easy to get lost in if you're not from Cairo.

Medea: *Getting tired while carrying their bags* Phew, I never thought I get exhausted in a mall.

Mariah: You don't have one in Morro Bay?

Medea: We do, but not as big as this, frankly my mom wouldn't even let me go to the mall because she thinks that they're a danger to smaller locally owned businesses.

Midler: Ooooh I hate it when parents do that.

Medea: Eh, I don't really blame her, she was born and raised in the countryside and appreciates the simpler things in life compared to the hustle and bustle of Cork. Besides, I mostly sneak off to the mall without her knowing just look for some sports goods and to hang with fri-...I mean, congregate with former classmates. *Huffs sternly*

Mariah: Who needs them? They just abandoned you for your ex.

Medea: Right? We've been friends since grade school, and this is how they repay me? Siding with a cheater?

Midler: They're so fake.

Medea: That's what I'm saying! *Sighs sadly*....I just wished they've listened to my side of the story....

Midler: Well, you got us now, we're all a bunch of misfits thrown away by society for whatever reason, Lord DIO is the only person who saw that we all deserve a second chance, *swooning* that's one of the reasons why he wants to become god of the new world~

Medea: Hm... If you say so...

Mariah: How about some drinks? *Starts walking in the direction of the food court* I heard a Taiwanese man just opened up a pop-up cafe and I want to try that out.

Midler: *Follows* You mean the one with the "bubble tea"?

Mariah: Yeah.

Midler: Sure why not?.....*Looks back* Meds?

Mariah: *Looks back to* Hm?

Medea: *Standing in front of a sports store's window, eyes sparkling. The girls walk to her and finds that she's looking at a white and fuchsia pink American letterman jacket with black and white lining* O3O

Midler: Ooooh, that's a cute jacket~

Medea: *Hyped* It's not just a normal jacket, it's a letterman jacket that only high school and college athletes dream of wearing, football, baseball, basketball, tennis, you name it.

Mariah: My aren't you a tomboy?

Medea: I've always wanted to buy one of these, but my mom keeps wanting to buy me dresses instead even though I didn't want them... Huh? *Sees the price tag and sees that it reads: £2000, this caused her to yell out in despair:* AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! *Slaps her hand on the glass window* IT'S NOT FAAAAIR! *Slams her back on the window and slides down, disappointed* If only D'Arby Elder didn't take my money...

Midler: Oh, chin up, Meds. Enyaba will let you have your allowance back in two days.

Medea: *Pouts* Yeah, with DIO paying me like he's still living in the 1800s.... housemaids get paid less than butlers.

Mariah: *Cringes* Yeesh, yeah that is a bit of problem...*She remembers* OH! That reminds me! 

Medea: What?

Mariah: Ok, hear me out: You and the boys get paid based on your ranking in servitude, but all of us agents who go out into the world performing tasks under DIO's name get paid quiet handsomely regardless of who we are or where we're from, as long as someone he dislikes gets assassinated, the money we stole gets laundered, or the Speedwagon Foundation's secrets gets spilled.

Medea: *Perks up* No fooling?

Midler: It's true, I always have enough bread on the table because I assassinate his enemies ^o^

Medea: *Stands up* But what does that have to do with me?

Mariah: Isn't it obvious? House servants get compensated the same way as the rest of us if they perform the same missions as us! Last month I've dated Kenny and he mentions how he'd wished that he had more money to fix up his new bedroom, so I asked Lord DIO to let him come with me on my mission and he got paid the same amount as me for his participation.

Medea: Huh, I was wondering where he ran off to...So what you're saying is I have to collab with an active agent so I can get paid like them?

Mariah: Yes :-)

Medea: *Hyped* YOOOOOOOOOOOO! 8-D

Midler: SHU! Keep it down! We're incognito!

Medea: *Calms down* Right, I'm sorry. Anyway, are you guys open for a team up?

Mariah: Sorry but no, i'm having a week off.

Midler: Not me either, I got hired for a hit in Madagascar and have to leave tonight.

Medea: *Frowns* Oh, ok, *gives the girls their shopping bags* i'll go find someone else then. 

Mariah: I strongly recommend checking in with Lord DIO first, you know how he gets when people don't report in.

Medea: I know, *starts leaving* see ya later girls, I got some money to reclaim!

Midler: *Waves bye to her* Good luck, Meds.

TO BE CONTINUED

That bit of Medea despairing over the price tag was loosely inspired by "Ed Edd n Eddy"

[thebrainrotsreal]

Ooo! Thank you for tagging me :3

Favorite Color: Honestly changes too often and I’ll overthink it usually, but let’s say darkish bloody red, a bright neon green and a deep navy blue. Yes, I choose three.

Last Song: “No Longer You” by Jorge Rivera-Herrans, Mason Olshavsky ! Love imagining a pissed off seer mockingly telling someone their future because they won’t leave them alone.

Currently Reading: Gokurakugai, currently one of my favorite mangas at the moment. The style is utterly incredible. I wanna eat every panel. Look at this. Like holy shit?

Currently Watching: Tsurune, and The Elusive Samurai, a sports anime about archery and a beautifully animated anime about a son with the incredible ability to run away, tasked with avenging his family, respectively! I love sporty anime, and action, haha!

Currently Craving: Unemployment without consequences, I am so sick of being busy as fuck, oh my goodness. Free me. I just wanna draw, PLEASE. Oh, and bbq ribs and baked macaroni. None of that stove top none sense.

Coffee or Tea: Tea all the way! I tend to forget I’m drinking it as I wait for it to cool and chug the rest lukewarm, if not cold, haha! But caffeinated tea and a muffin is a blessing for early mornings.

Hobby to Try: Ideally? Axe throwing, dagger collecting, and crafting little bookmarks. Realistically, trying to maintain a gaming hobby.

Current AU: Phew, all the ideas immediately ran outta my head as soon as I saw this prompt! But an AU for Invincible made with the lovely @/byfulcrums !! Plus, thinking about whatever version of Mark had survived the alternate dimension wasteland. I think it’s be fun to mess around with like Viltramite biology for the sake of it, so Mark’s aging slows down, he’s hungry but he can’t die of starvation (congrats on unlocking stress induced photosynthesis), and he just kinda loses it for a little bit and then has to be forced right back to the normal world like it didn’t happen. Messing with Viltramite biology so he looks “fine” but it’s been year(s) for him and a couple months for everyone else. Literally just putting him through the wringer because I can.

No pressure but I’d love to hear your answers, @willosword @crismakesstuff and legit anyone who wants to join :)))

Hi, hello, howdy, thank you for the tag @batsycline69

rules: answer and tag nine people you want to get to know better and/or catch up with.

favorite color: Never not pink

last song: Danny Phantom by Medusa

currently reading: Milkman by Anna Burns

currently watching: Gilmore Girls

currently craving: Toffee ice cream and tacos (separately)

coffee or tea: 1000 times coffee

hobby to try: I’ve always wanted to try scrapbooking but just know I would never be able to commit to a lay-out

current au: Idk if a MILF plotline counts but currently my mind is occupied thinking about Wally West having a thing for Dick Grayson’s controversially young ex-stepmom.

No pressure tags for: @suburbanstreetrat @wandalfnation @monst @luffyadolover @poiscnivyism

And anyone who sees this and wants to participate!

[episims]

Foxfire Tarot Cards reply

Thank you @lina-cherie, @vampireacademysims, @persimmonsimmer, @equinoxts2, @rurpleplayssims, @mdpthatsme, and everyone who said nice things in reblogs and tags. I'm flattered and very glad you enjoyed my little card play!

[lone-wolf-nergiganos]

idk if my request ever sent bc my wifi is absolute garbage but i was wondering if you could do a tighnari x male reader where the reader tags along with tighnari to help him with his duties but ends up slipping/tripping on something and get hurt so tighnari bandages him up but is more protective?

ITS A LOT IK AND IM SORRY AAAAAA

-romantic, oneshot, im he/him-

Sure Anon, your request is approved 💙😁

Tighnari X Injured! Male Reader

You and Tighnari were tasked with duties, fortunately they aren't that hard for you guys to finish. "Be careful Y/N, I don't want to see you get hurt," your boyfriend, Tighnari said.

"Aww, don't worry babe, I won't. We are almost done anyway," you said happily. You began walking before suddenly tripping on something, Tighnari quickly ran up to you. "Baby, are you okay?" Tighnari asked in a panicked tone, "yes, I'm okay," you replied before you noticed a small but deep cut on your arm. This caused your arm to bleed profusely.

Without wasting another second, Tighnari quickly went to get some bandages for the wound to stop bleeding, he came back before quickly putting the bandages on your arm. "Phew, it stopped bleeding," Tighnari said relieved. "Haha, it wasn't a big deal Tighnari," you said.

"Not a big deal? Babe that wound is very deep, sure it small, but still," Tighnari replied before crossing his arms. "You need to be more careful," he added. "Aww, you don't want to see me get hurt?" You asked, "of course not," you're my boyfriend after all," Tighnari replied.

"Aww, I don't want to see you get hurt either babe," you replied before playing with his ears gently. After a few minutes of playing with his ears, you guys went back to finishing your duties before calling it a day and going back home.

[haitaniapologist]

ALL FOR US. ( favorite crime part 2 )

pairings — hanma shuji x female!reader, mentions of chifuyu x kazutora.

genre — angst, fluff.

warnings — an unhealthy obsession with using dashes instead of commas, sentences with strange structures and grammatical errors because english isn’t my first language, SPOILERS for episodes 21 and 24 of the first season of tokyo revengers, SPOILERS for chapter 74 of tokyo revengers and the black dragons arc, mentions major character death, a pregnancy, depression thoughts, smut, pregnancy kink, fingering, overstimulation, edging, lactating kink, typical violence, kisaki tetta.

word counting — 15.1k

songs — all for us, labrinth ft. zendaya.

tagging — @tooweirdforyou @aetheriaess @etheralyonn @lonnie19 @sincerelyraylene @chronic-claire-universe @harufilms @softbajis @markedsweetly @severellamahottub @sanzu-s

notes — phew, part 2 is here!!! it was a long ride since i first had this idea, and i can't believe i finally finished it. i hope you guys will enjoy it as much as i did!! reblogs, comments and likes are appreciated <3 also, natsuki is the name i choose for chifuyu and y/n's mom so i wouldn't be calling her just mom the entire fic jdaghjjsd

DARK CONTENT AND NSFW THEMES UNDER THE CUT, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT !!!!!!!

“what the fuck are you doing, shuji?”

he blinked his golden eyes slowly, finally regaining control of his senses. the last thing he remembered was seeing you get in your car, and a tormenting feeling inside his heart. what was that? hanma never felt anything like that before — it was like an animal was tearing his heart apart, and he was still alive to feel that. his knuckles were bleeding and his cheeks were warm with tears still freely falling from his eyes.

oh, yes. he lost you.

he lifted his head, meeting tetta's hard glare. what happened? he couldn't remember much more than your crying face and you running away from him.

“did you kill her?” kisaki asked impatiently. he already lost takemichi to kazutora — someone he should have killed when he stepped his foot off jail, but tetta never thought he would be a stone in his way — but managed to kill chifuyu, at least. he let the task of dispose of you to hanma, as he had promised many years ago. but he wasn't expecting to find his second in command on the ground floor, bloody hands and tears on his face. that was a pathetic sight, but he hoped that meant that you received the same fate as your younger brother.

shuji didn't understand what tetta wanted from him. “kill her? did… did you mean y/n?” that couldn't be true. he didn't remember kisaki asking him to do that — and as if hanma would kill you. tetta knew he couldn't do that. he could live with the fact that you hated him and never wanted to see him again, but at least you were alive. he could still see you and know you were okay. but you dying? that was one of his worst nightmares. “why would i need to kill my wife?”

kisaki eyes widened from a fraction of seconds, a realization striking him. he never thought hanma was capable of loving someone, and that's why he gave him the task of winning your heart. but maybe, he hadn't thought about the power you would hold over shuji — power enough to make him change and be capable of thinking about someone else that wasn't him. shuji loved you, and that was something that tetta couldn't predict in his plans.

and he hoped that such a foolish feeling wouldn’t mean his downfall. if kisaki lost what he minutely worked to have because of love, he would make sure to hunt you and shuji to the depths of hell.

“why, shuji?” he asked with venom dripping from his lips. “because your pretty little wife is a fucking traitor, just like her brother. she was helping him to take us down, did you notice?” he spat, observing gladly how hanma's eyes widened with pain. “and she's now probably whoring herself to kazutora as we speak.” kisaki could hear hanma's heart breaking, and that amused him. shuji needed to be the man he was before he met you — and if that meant that kisaki needed to break his heart with his own hands and then mend it as how he liked, he didn't care. “o-oh, you didn't know she's seeing him behind your back?” he asked in faux surprise, watching as his friend's eyes were tearing up again.

kisaki watched as life drained from hanma's eyes, like a bird flying for the warm land in the winter, helping him getting up. his plan was working out. “i'll help you get revenge, my friend.” he murmured, his hand on hanma's shoulders, trying to comfort him. fool.

“those matsunos have nothing but treason running in their blood, and we'll make sure to spill them to the whole world to see what happens when someone tries to stab our backs.”

—

you stopped at your mother's doorstep, not knowing what to do.

the last time you were there was when you married shuji, when you left your mother's home and went to live in a penthouse with your husband. could you still call him that? you didn't know.

after you calmed yourself down inside the car, you thought of what you would say to your mother. it wouldn't be easy to inform a mother of her son's death — and a dark side of you wished she was there to witness what happened. it would be easier for you, at least. what could you say to her? how could you tell that chifuyu, her dearest baby, was now dead? how could you explain that you watched the scene unfolding in front of your eyes but you were a coward, and didn't help your brother? you should be dead in his place. it was the natural course of life — you were older, and you were supposed to die first.

you took a deep breath, your shaky hand pressing the doorbell. it was funny how your mother never wished to move you from the same apartment he first bought with your father, even though you and chifuyu had the money to buy something bigger and in a better neighborhood for her. but she always denied yours and your brother’s words. she couldn’t leave precious memories like that.

and if you tried hard enough, you could hear chifuyu and keisuke laughing in the hallways.

you pressed the doorbell again, panic flooding in your system — but the door opened, and you watched with teary eyes as your mother broke down in front of you.

matsuno natsuki knew what happened the moment her eyes fell on your figure.

your dishevelled hair, teary eyes and bloody hands. that could only mean one thing: chifuyu was dead. she didn't mean to fall down to her knees and cry painful tears — almost tears of blood, as the virgin mary did when she watched what the romans were doing to her son. she needed to be strong to comfort you, chifuyu said. you would be there to watch him die,

“mama.” you whimpered, hugging her. it was the only thing you offered to her. “chifuyu is dead, mama.” you cried on her shoulder, feeling as her shaky hands tried to hug you back. "i'm sorry, i'm so sorry, mama."

you two cried for what seemed hours, until your and your mother's sobs became whimpers, and you managed to get her from the ground. you seated her on the sofa, making cold water with sugar for her.

“i knew he was going to die.” natsuki whispered, her eyes glued on her husband's photo. oh, dear.

you gave her a puzzled look, seating next to her. was she talking about a sixth sense mothers had regarding the safety of their children? you remembered when keisuke died and how his mom knew something happened to him.

you watched as your mother drank the water, and she looked so small — so young. she had always been young, but you never noticed that. too young to lose her husband, too young to raise two children alone, too young to bury a child. “your brother… he came here this morning.” she started, and your eyes widened. “he knew he was being targeted by kisaki.” she put a hand on your shoulder, her touch comforting, but you could see how she was struggling to not cry more. your mother never showed her weak side to you or your brother, ever. she had always been your rock, and your heart ached, seeing how she still tried to stay strong just for you. “he left something for you.”

what?

natsuki walked to where she had put chifuyu's letters — one for her, another for you — your dumbfounded eyes following her every movement. she prayed and prayed that things wouldn't reach the moment she would need to read what her son wrote for her. she handed you the paper, and you took it as it was the most precious jewel you ever saw. “why don't you go to your room, my sweetheart? i’m afraid toman's men will arrive soon to inform me about chifuyu, and i don't know what they could do to you.”

right. you were still a traitor.

you nodded, hugging your mother tightly, hoping that your arms could translate what you wanted to tell her. the hug ended when the doorbell rang again, and you rushed to your old childhood room, trying to ignore all the memories you had in it. it was hard, but you needed to focus on what chifuyu wanted to say to you.

taking another deep breath and seating in your old writing desk, you opened the letter:

y/n/n,

i'm trying to find words to say to you. but nothing comes to my mind — because how can i write a goodbye letter when i'm still here? how i can put into words what i'm feeling now? goodbyes weren't easy for you, for us, and i hope i can make mine more bearable for you with this letter. kind old-fashioned, isn't it? but i can't trust any other way of communication. he can't know that i know what is going to happen.

you have been with me since i was born. i never knew a world where my older sister wasn't with me, guiding me and making sure i didn't trip on my own feet. did you know my oldest memory is with you? i probably never told one about this, but i remember you looking down at me when i was in my crib. you said nothing, but i could see in your eyes how much you loved me. you were always looking out for me, and i knew how much of a troublesome kid i was. and for that, i apologize. but i was nothing but a child, and now, as an adult, i wish i could still give you such kind of troubles. not this one.

but i'm now the one looking out for you. if you're reading this, then i managed to protect you as always did with me.

you know a world without me. even if you don't remember it — you know. and you need to remember it and learn how you used to live back then. in a few days, i'll be nothing but ashes, nothing but ancestors and my memories and dreams will build our family grave, and i hope they'll be carried by you and takemichi. in a few hours, i'll be with dad and keisuke again, and i can't wait to tell them how beautiful you were as a bride. i'm sure they are so, so proud of you. as i am.

don't ever feel guilty about my death. it isn't your fault, even though i know you'll feel it is. you did not fail your job as my sister. i've made peace with it, really. i'm ready to die — but not ready to leave you, mom and kazutora behind. i can't make peace with the fact that you three will cry over my dead body, or i can't make peace with the fact that i'll never see my nephews and nieces. but that's ok. i'll watch over them. that's the least i can do for you.

i can't guarantee to you that your life will be easy now. i can't guarantee that it'll get easier to wake up and remember i'm dead, but i'm sure it'll get steadier. i thought about what i would feel if you died, and it was almost like a part of my soul died too. the world wasn't turning like it did, and the ground was rocking beneath my feet like an unquiet sea. but you are stronger than me, and i know you'll learn to live like that, like the sailors do. i could never. that's why i hope i'll be ashes by the end of the week, instead of you. but, promise me one thing: be happy. that's all i ask of you.

i'm whispering the words i hope will find you when you read this letter. i whisper your name, y/n, and i whisper the most important thing:

i love you, sister. i love you.

i love you.

your forever little brother,

chifuyu.

p.s: i've already forgiven shuji. i can't know if he'll have a role in my death, but it isn't easy to get away from kisaki's manipulation. remember that, please.

p.s 2: if you ever have children, name the girl shinobu and the boy after me. that's my last wish.

ps. 3: i’m just kidding. i just don’t know how to end this. i don’t want to die, but it seems to be my fate. i’m sorry. i love you.

you didn’t know if you should laugh or cry. he was thinking about you, about how you would react and how you could live with him. how much pain chifuyu went through knowing he was going to die? what was he thinking? why didn’t he ran away instead of showing himself at the meeting and accepting his fate? why did he stay and make you and your mother suffer because of him? why? why?

why your brother had to die?

new tears were now streaming down your face, but you didn’t have enough strength to sob or scream. you just wanted to wake up from this nightmare and be able to call your brother to gossip about your friends’ life, or help your husband get ready to work. you just wanted to have your life back the way it was. you cried and cried, and cried. it was the only thing you could do. you didn’t notice when your mother entered your room, only acknowledging her presence when she made you lay down on her lap, her hand stroking your hair. she did the same thing with you when you noticed your father was never going to return home again, and you almost laughed at how miserable your life had been — a dead father, a dead boyfriend and a dead brother. who was going to be the next? a dead mother? a husband?

“mama, am i cursed?” your voice was small, quiet, but filled with sorrow.

natsuki needed to be strong, but seeing you in such a state broke her heart. if she could, she would be the one feeling your pain — you didn’t deserve any of that. “of course not, dear. but we can’t predict what will happen in our lives.” she stroked your hair, hoping that the act would comfort you. it used to do, at least, but you weren’t her baby anymore.

“i should have listened to you, mama.” your thoughts only prompted you to cry harder. “if i… if i had taken care with shuji, i wouldn’t be here today.” crying for both my brother and my failed marriage. was shuji such a heartless man? did your love for him blinded you to all the bad he had done or could do?

natsuki inhaled deeply. she didn’t know what happened between you and your husband, but it was clear that her son-in-law knew something. chifuyu seemed to think that, and being the second in command to kisaki meant that he and toman’s leader shared secrets. “we could never have thought that things would end like this, y/n. you didn’t listen to me, but weren’t you happy?”

you nodded.

“then that’s what mattered to me.” her hand left your hair and she helped you get up. “we don’t know what the future holds for us, but i think you should take a bath. i’ll be there with you.” she smiled at you, and you did what your mother said. the walk to the bathroom was a difficult one. the house was still the same, and you had many memories about running in those halls after chifuyu or peke j, sometimes both, because they were annoying you. it was like chifuyu said — you felt as if the ground beneath your feet was like an unquiet sea, the earth wasn’t turning like it always did. something was missing.

natsuki helped you bathe, cleaning the blood from your hands and washing your hair. you hoped the water would be enough to clean you — both physically and spiritually. would you ever be able to life with the guilt of not being able to help your little brother? you both cried and laughed reminiscing memories with your brother and father, and even keisuke did a cameo in them.

now dressed and seated in front of your father’s altar, you heard your mother speak again. “the funeral will be tomorrow morning. toman will defray all of it.” you only nodded. shuji would probably be there. what would you do? what would you say to him? the ring in your left hand was now heavy. you were the only that left him, after he finally said he loved you, but could you forgive him? did he want to be forgiven? “they said to me that chifuyu died protecting kisaki from takemichi.”

you scoffed. tomorrow would be even harder.

you hugged your mother one last time before going to sleep. it wasn’t the same bed, but you still could see your teenage self wrapped around shuji arms, giggling and squirming in his hold, or even smell the brand of cheap cigarettes he used to smoke at the time. a sigh left your lips, and you noticed your phone on the night stand. your mother probably put it there, and you started to look through your messages. kazutora and naoto were asking how you were, and you answered them with a heavy heart, informing them of the details about the funeral.

putting it back on the furniture, your eyes tearing up again when it buzzed with new messages.

shuji: the bed is cold without you

shuji: come back home please

shuji: i love you

—

the house was cold and empty, but shuji could see you in everything.

at first, he thought he was hallucinating.

he could still smell your rose scented shampoo and your cologne in the whole house. it was like someone had played a prank on him and sprayed it just to see him more miserable — but he could hear you laugh too. he could feel you inside the penthouse, and he cursed himself for letting you do all the decoration. at any corner his eyes laid upon, he could see a part of you. how you cared for your family and friends, how you were passionate about baking, how you loved him.

but the worst was the bedroom.

it was filled with you. your clothes, your jewels, your hair products and makeup, your favorite photos and everything you held dear to your heart. he picked up the photo that was on your night stand, his heart clenching — him, you, your mother and chifuyu in the day you became his wife. he lost all of that, and for what?

the sheets were still warm it seemed, and they and your pillow still smelled like you, hanma noticed when he managed to lay down after a cold shower. if he focused enough, he could feel how warm your skin was beneath his fingertips and feel the outline of your curves pressing against his body, or hear your heartbeat in his ears and feel your butterfly kisses against his jaw.

the bed was cold without you there, and shuji didn’t know what to do. how could he fall asleep without your warmth as his lullaby?

kisaki’s words were resonating in his head. was you really cheating on him with kazutora? it was almost impossible, but tetta was his friend and shuji was sure he would never lie to him. but he trusted you too, and even if you were helping your brother, it didn’t make sense that you would cheat on him. you still treated him the same, albeit being a little distant, and never stopped showing him your love. however, if you really were, you and shuji were even. he helped someone murder your brother, and you cheated on him. he was willing to forgive you, it that was the truth.

turning his head to smell you on your pillow once more, he reached for his phone, texting kisaki. you were in your mother’s house as he had predicted, and unharmed, as he promised too. hanma thanked him, and in return received the details about his brother-in-law’s funeral. he felt as a hypocrite by going, but everyone thought chifuyu died trying to protect kisaki from takemichi, as no one would believe he was the judas. tetta wanted to frame hanagaki as it, and since he was arrested, it was easy to go with that narrative.

before shuji could think better, he was facing your contact photo. it was you two, in pajamas, doing face masks. he smiled fondly at the sight of it, typing what was in his mind.

you: the bed is cold without you

you: come back home please

you: i love you

he didn’t care if you had really cheated on him. he was willing to forgive anything just to have you at his side again.

the screen glowed and shuji watched as how typing appeared and disappeared, his heart racing every time he could see you were formulating an answer for him.

y/n: go to sleep, shuji

y/n: it’s really late

oh, how good it was to see you calling him by his first name.

y/n: we can talk tomorrow after the funeral if you'll be there

y/n: good night

he smiled at the text, texting you a good night and putting his phone again on his night stand. tomorrow, he would gain your forgiveness, even if he needed to beg on his knees and scream to the world how much you meant to him.

—

the ground still felt like an unquiet sea beneath your feet, but you were getting steadier.

it wasn't easy to wake up and remember what happened to your brother, and after crying a little more both in your bed and in the shower, you were ready — as you could be — to attend his funeral. you were wearing your mother's clothes, an old black dress of hers that was the one that fitted you, with your hair styled in a ponytail and the heels you were wearing the night prior, which the men who visited your mom returned for you.

you didn't understand why kisaki was being too kind to you. if he knew you were helping your brother, thus being considered a traitor, why didn't he order the men to kill you yesterday? wasn't it easier to kill two birds with just a stone?

that were the thoughts haunting you during the funeral.

you were on your knees next to your mother, receiving everyone's condolences. it wasn't easy, especially when the old toman boys came. smiley, angry, peh, pah, mucho, and even hakkai — you shared teary eyed smiles with every single one of them, and you were grateful to kisaki, in a twisted way. your brother didn't die as a traitor to the eyes of his friends.

the worst, however, was when it arrived shuji’s time to talk to you both.

his eyes were in you since he arrived, and you tried your best to ignore it. but from time to time you stole a glance at his way, your heart aching to see him in such a state. you never saw your husband looking so miserable, but you needed to remember that he deserved that. did he really think that you would be willing to accept the fact that he helped someone murder your brother? it was strange, what you were feeling. shuji deserved that, yes, but you wanted nothing more than to just kiss his pain away.

you watched as he prayed in front of chifuyu's casket, his smiling photo a bitter reminder that you would never see him looking like that at you. you lowered your eyes as soon as shuji kneeled in front of you and your mother, but you couldn't escape him, as he bent over in a formal apology form, his forehead in the ground. “i'm sorry, mother.” you heard him say before he got away from your line of vision, probably hugging your mom. you didn't tell her what happened. she didn't need to know more details about last night, as you didn't want to suffer more. but she knew. she was your mom, after all.

“thank you, shuji, dear.” you heard her say, and you thought that was it. but you soon felt your husband's hands on your shoulders, and you just rested your face on his chest. you couldn't look at him. “meet me in front of the lake, in five, okay?” he kissed your hair, and you took a deep breath when his warmth left you.

after him, kisaki came.

you wanted to throw up, your fists clenching in anger at your sides. how dare he? tetta was the one who pulled the trigger, the mastermind behind chifuyu’s death, he didn’t have shame to appear in his funeral with a sorrowful look on his face? you felt as if you couldn’t breathe, and when he approached you and your mother, you noticed how your nails managed to draw blood from your hands from how hard you were pressing them to your palms. you had never felt so much anger in your life, and you wanted nothing more than to break his glasses on his face and beat him to death.

his arms were filled with thorns sticking on your skin, and his smile a blade that aimed at your heart, and his words were the most dangerous venom. “you’re lucky shuji loves you, y/n.” he murmured in your ear while you were in what people would call a friendly embrace, but you felt inside a cage. “or else your mother would be crying over two today. behave, sweetheart.”

you got up as soon as kisaki started to talk with your mother, your legs taking you to any secluded place they could find. you needed to get out of there, you needed to get out of kisaki’s grasp and plans. his warning meant only one thing: if you tried to carry on your brother’s plans, you would meet the same end as him, and neither your husband nor anyone else would be able to stop tetta from killing you. and you couldn’t do that to your mom, no. she already lost chifuyu and your dad, but, at the same time, changing toman was what chifuyu and keisuke wanted.

it was like you were a trapped bird and kisaki was your master.

you noticed you were in the lake when your eyes found shuji’s, dark bags under his golden eyes, which were reflecting pure misery.

“i didn’t think you would come.” shuji started, taking a step closer to you. you saw how his hands were twitching at his sides, as if he was doing anything he could to not touch you. and he was. hanma wanted nothing more than to feel your skin on his fingers and comfort you, as hypocritical as that sounded.

you reverted your eyes to the water, the way his eyes were burning holes in your body was too much to bear. “would you blame me if i did not?” you asked, observing your reflection on the water. shuji soon appeared too, and it was better to look at his reflection than to his face.

“no, but i was hoping you would come.” it was almost like the words were blades that hurt his throat just by saying that, but shuji wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to see him again. but your text last night said otherwise, and he hoped he could save the shreds that your once strong marriage was. “forgive me, y/n.” hanma knew that words could mean nothing — his line of work only proved to him that, because lying to him was almost as drinking water — but he wanted you to believe him. he never had been so sincere in his whole life. “believe me when i say that i love you, because i do.”

“shuji, i… i don't know if i can.” you answered, closing your eyes when you saw his face changing from one full of love to one full of despair, the tears streaming down his face visible even in the water. but you needed to support your convictions, even if they would hurt. “not… now, at least.”

shuji’s face disappeared from the water, and your eyes followed his movements. he kneeled in front of you — the same way he did when he asked you to be his wife — and rested his head on your belly, hands on your hips you fought the urge to put your hands on his hair and stroke it, like you used to do when he was too stressed. “y/n, please… i don't know how i'll live without you.” his words were like a million paper cuts on your skin, too agonizing to support. you didn’t even care anymore about the tears.

“i… you will…” you will learn, was what you wanted to say, but the words were stuck to your throat. he needed to learn, as you should too.

but his next words took you by surprise.

“is this because you're cheating on me kazutora?”

“w-what?” was what you managed to say, too shocked to form any other sentence. you and kazutora? shuji was kidding, right? kazutora… kazutora was in love with your brother. you were playing matchmaker before everything happened. it took you a while to forgive kazutora for stabbing baji, but, when you did, he became like a little brother to you too. and when he expressed his feelings towards chifuyu, you were beyond happy. your brother deserved someone that loved and cared for him until the end of the world — as you and shuji had been.

“so it's true.” you were used to that tone of shuji — the toman hanma, the reaper — but he never used it with you. desperation started to bubble in your heart, and you needed to make him believe you were telling the truth. it wasn’t fair — yesterday you were thinking that your marriage had been a lie since day one, and now hanma is thinking you were cheating on him?

you gripped his shoulders when he tried to move away from you. “what the hell are you talking about, shuji? i would never cheat on you!” you almost screamed, seeing how hurt he looked from just that thought. “and tora… he loved my brother.” you didn’t know why you were telling him that. your husband didn't deserve to know anything about kazutora’s life, but that was the only thing you could say for him to believe you.

shuji gulped. he wanted to believe in you, he did. but it was your word against kisaki’s. “tetta, he… he told me you were cheating on me with kazutora.” you realized with horror that what chifuyu said was right. shuji was tied to kisaki’s manipulation like an insect in a spider’s web. “and helping your brother, too.”

“and you believed him?”

your words were harsh and shuji felt as if you slapped him. he… he should believe kisaki. they knew each other since their teenagers dreams, the reaper and the pierrot, and tetta never lied. but by just looking at your expression shuji knew you weren’t lying — he could read you as an open book. maybe kisaki was wrong? maybe he just thought you were cheating on him.

“i was helping my brother, yes, but i would never cheat on you, oh my god.” you added, releasing shuji from your hold and trying to escape him. he didn’t deserve your tears or even your pity, if he thought so low of yourself, his own wife.

but shuji wouldn’t let you go so easily. why were you helping chifuyu? why did you want to take toman down? didn't you love him? if toman ended, he would go to jail for god’s knew how long, away from you. was that what you really wanted? to see your husband behind bars? “... why?”

you understood what he wanted to know, your hands now cupping his face. “because of you.” you answered quietly, hearing the birds singing. “toman… toman became too dangerous.” you explained. you knew what gang life was, but everyday toman started to have more and more shady work, and that wasn’t its purpose. the gang was created to protect people, and not to kill innocents. tachibana hinata’s death had been your last straw. why kisaki needed to kill her? you remembered her as takemichi’s sweet girlfriend from middle school. you were afraid that someday you would be awake at 3am by a text saying your husband had died in a mission. “i did not… i did not want our kids to have the same fate as me.”

“the same fate… as you?” shuji asked with confusion lacing his voice, leaning in your touch.

you took a deep breath, his face becoming blurry by the tears in your eyes. “i didn't want them to wake up one day to their father never coming back home again.” it was hard to speak of the family you two wanted in the past sentence, but you didn’t know if shuji would agree with your thoughts. “i didn't want them to feel the same loneliness i did on father's day, or hearing other people calling their fathers heroes and not knowing what to say when their friends asked about theirs.” you smiled down at him, sadly, remembering moments from your childhood that no child needed to go through. it was painful to watch all the other kids doing drawings and cards, saying how much they loved their father, telling each other how cool they were, while your work would be deposited on a gravestone and your memories of your father were starting to fade away. you couldn’t even recall the exact color of his eyes anymore. “i didn't want to be the one to tell them their father died.” not like your mother did on a saturday morning, you and chifuyu still in your pajamas, hugging each other. “i didn't want them to know you only from my memories, shuji.” like chifuyu did.

“princess…” he got up from his knees, trapping you in his arms. that time, however, you embraced him back, and relief washed over him. you were worried for him, about him — you weren’t cheating on him. you were a traitor because you loved him, because you wanted to have a family with him. tetta would understand that.

you two stayed in each other’s embrace for a few minutes, and hanma was hopeful that things would go back to their normal. but your next words were like a bucket of cold water someone turned on him.

“i think it's better if we don't see each other for a while, shuji.”

it was as if someone ripped a bandage from his skin without warning, the bruise opening up again and dripping blood. “w-what?” he asked, holding you by your shoulders, as if he could shake sense into you. didn't you love him anymore? but your gaze was determined, and shuji knew he wouldn't be able to change your mind. you were too stubborn, he came to learn, and when you had an idea in your mind, you wouldn't back down. but he hoped — no, he dared to plead — that the gods would change your mind. “n-no, i can't. the house, my life is too cold without you with me, y/n. i won't… i won't be able to.” he tried to reason, and you almost have in at the sight of his golden eyes pleading to yours.

you smiled sadly at him, your hand cupping his cheek to wipe the tears falling from his eyes. “didn't you say you would wait for me forever if you needed to?” you remembered that day as if it happened a few hours ago — how shuji cupped your face between his large hands, after you said you wanted to take things slow, to be able to heal properly and because you liked him too, and it wasn’t fair to him if you started a relationship while still grieving over keisuke. the room smelling like his favorite brand of cigarettes, and his eyes hooded with affection, and how tears freely fell down your cheeks after he made you that promise.

he nodded. it was the only promise he was able to fulfill.

you stroked his cheek, and hanma could die from the love dripping from your eyes. he didn't deserve any of that. “i'm not saying i won't ever be able to forgive you, but i need some time. to put my thoughts in place, to mourn my brother and to find myself again.” sometimes, when someone you love hurts you, you should stay some time away from them to heal and be able to forgive and love them again — your mother whispered to you when she thought you were sleeping, and you took her words to heart. this time, you would listen to her.

“please.” you murmured, watching as hanma's shoulders slug down and as his face could cause envy to a puppy trying to have their owner to give them food. but it was for the best, for the both of you.

shuji tightened his grip on your shoulders, but sighed, defeated. “o-okay.” he answered, and you tried to not dwell in the quiver his voice made when he agreed with you. his eyes were glistening with tears of sadness and something you thought was determination. “just promise me that you'll never take the ring off of your finger, princess.” he demanded, and you almost laughed at how imposing he looked. but you nodded, nonetheless, and he gave you a teary smile.

“can i kiss you, one more time?” shuji asked, apprehensive, afraid that you would deny his request. but he needed to feel your lips on his one more time, to have a memory, in future sleepless and cold nights, to remember why he was going through such martyrdom.

you didn't answer him with words, but, with your hand still on his cheek, you brought his head down, connecting your lips. hanma almost moaned at the feeling of your soft skin against his lips, and he caged you inside his arms one more time.

the kiss tasted of tears, which were freely falling from both of your eyes, and shuji held you as if you could break at any moment, his touch on the bare skin of your back was almost like an ember, as if he wanted to bruise you — and, if anyone else dared to touch you, they would know who you belonged to. your touch, however, was gentle and caring, like a summer breeze gracing his cheeks. but, at the same time, shuji felt that you wanted to mark him too.

you reluctantly broke the kiss, the burn on your eyes becoming too much for you to bear. shuji kissed your forehead, one last time, and you watched as he distanced himself from you, walking back to the funeral's salon.

“goodbye, y/n.”

“goodbye, shuji.”

i love you.

—

it wasn't easy in the beginning.

you used to sleep and wake up feeling shuji's warmth, and now, waking up in a cold and small bed, without all the pillows you had in your husband's penthouse, was strange. but you grew used to it — and, as chifuyu said, the ground started to feel steadier. you stopped waking up with sorrow running through your veins, and started to see the beauty in the little things life had to offer. maybe it was the birds singing, or a cat wanting you to scratch their head — you started to smile more and feel like yourself again, even if you felt something missing in your heart and soul.

you also needed to learn how to live without the luxuries shuji's job offered to you, as your mother income was made up of your father's pension and the money you and chifuyu would deposit to her. she now had a part in the income of all of your brother's bars and clubs, but it wasn't like before. you learned again how it was to live without maids and personal chefs, and while you missed the comfort that brought you, it was good to connect yourself with your roots again.

and, when kazutora offered you a job in the pet shop chifuyu was helping him open up, you didn't hesitate to agree.

you hadn't worked in at least seven years, since toman started to make enough money for shuji to sustain you, and you had forgotten how good it was to do something you loved. the look of love on a kid's face when you showed them a kitten, or the grateful words you would receive from elderly people when they came asking for suggestions about how to take better care of their dogs was something that kept you going and waking up everyday. you had found a new purpose in life, and, this time, was solely yours.

you were reminded of shuji in the smallest things. in the smell of coffee in the morning, to a pack of cigarettes someone forgot in the pet shop, to the way the sun shines in the sky — golden exactly like his eyes were. you couldn't watch sitcoms without remembering how he liked to make fun of the characters with you, or you couldn't see a man wearing a suit, or your head would turn so quickly that it would give you a whiplash because you thought it was him. there was now a hole in the place shuji used to be in your world, a hole that you constantly walked around in the daytime, like a moth to a flame, and falling in the night — you missed him like hell, and the ring in your finger was heavy, reminding you that you and hanma once had it all, and now you didn't even know if he was fulfilling his promise. however, you managed to make peace with the longing you had for your husband's presence, and started to live with it as if it was just a friend.

but some days were worse than others.

there were days when you woke up and you wanted nothing more than to just curl yourself under the covers, days when a kid's smile didn't bring a sincere one to your face, and you just wanted to hear hanma shuji's voice and feel his kisses on your face. but you had kazutora, and you both understand each other. you two had lost the same people, and he understood better than anyone what you felt. his company was like the sun rays on a cold winter day, and you and him learned together how to cope with your mourning and sadness. no one could ever replace chifuyu, but kazutora was a warm reminder that you still had sisterly love to give to others.

but did shuji still love you? was he keeping his promise of waiting for you, or when you felt you were ready again to face him, he would dismiss you with a disgusted frown on his handsome face?

—

hanma was miserable.

everywhere he looked, he saw you. either it was in the way the towels were folded in the bathroom, to the lilies resting in a vase inside his office. you were everywhere in his life, haunting and making him remember his sins, and he wondered if you felt the same as he did.

he knew you were faring well. shuji kept his most trusted men to observe you and make sure that nothing bad happened to you, as well to inform him of your well-being. every day one of them returned to tell him that you seemed better, that you smiled more and that you were still wearing your ring, shuji felt as if he was the happiest man alive. if being away from you meant your happiness, he would gladly stay away until you were ready again.

but he missed you. oh, how he missed you.

he missed your sweet smile and your hands caressing his cheeks. he missed the feel of your smaller hands intertwined with his big ones, and he missed how you would trace patterns on his tattoos. but he missed being loved, he missed your eyes shining with love every time he arrived home, and he missed your tight pussy clenching around him. his fist was nothing compared to your cunt.

shuji couldn't go out with the other toman's executives because all the fun was going with you — to see you dancing and having fun, to see you dressed in the finest silks the world has to offer. he didn't need excuses to drink anymore. he already did it, either to forget the pain or to try to remember how it was to hold you, to kiss you, to feel you.

however, you words of wanting to make toman better because of him haunted his thoughts, and, little by little, shuji started some changes inside the organisation. of course, he didn't tell tetta that it was solely because of you — hanma said it would put them in good eyes with the police once more, so they would leave toman to their devices once more — but kisaki knew you had something to do with shuji's change of demeanour. how he started to donate his money to orphanages and shelters, and how he started to finance the building of schools and hospitals. it wasn't much, but his job stopped being just dangerous missions.

shuji also started to donate to kazutora's petshop, and help it as chifuyu was. you didn't know, of course — shuji made kazutora swear he would never tell you.

and he tried to stay away from you, how he tried. but two months after chifuyu's funeral, shuji appeared in the pet shop.

he wasn’t supposed to. he made a promise, but shuji felt as if he was going crazier and crazier each day he wasn’t graced with your smile. he endured sixty days, but he couldn't do more. he texted kazutora — they couldn’t be considered as friends, but they were on better terms since the bloody halloween — to see if you were working that afternoon, because hanma needed to get just a simple glance of your face.

and he did.

you looked up when the bell over the door hung, and a happy smile made its way to your lips before you saw who it was. “hello, and welcome our shop! how can i hel—” you felt your throat dry at the sight of your husband’s golden eyes, and your smile faltered, hands shaking and breath speeding up.

the urge to run up to the bathroom and throw up was huge, but you already had done that today. and in the days prior too, and you wondered if it wasn’t a signal that your world was going to be flipped down again by him.

“y/n.”

his voice was hoarse, but it held so many emotions. you were glowing in hanma's eyes, and he never saw you looking so beautiful. he had seen you with designed dresses made by the finest stylists, but you were something else with your hair in messy pigtails, comfy jeans and a white t-shirt under a green apron. you had bags under your eyes, and shuji hoped he wasn't the cause of that.

“shuji… wha— how can i—” you didn't know what to say, because you want to say it all. you wanted to say how you missed him, how you thought you were getting better, tell him all about the new shows you watched with your mom and every good thing that happened in your life. you wanted to ask him if he still loved you, if he thought of you as much as you thought of him, if you haunted his dreams like he did with yours.

but shuji just smiled at you, and you swore the sight was more beautiful than all the stars in the galaxy.

“i'm here to…” to see you again, because i miss you so much that it makes my heart bleed. “adopt a kitten.” he didn't know where that wish came from, but maybe, with a kitten, he would have an excuse to see you again. “the house has been too lifeless since you left.”

you just nodded, feeling your eyes burn, averting your gaze from him to the counter. he seemed well, but his eyes weren't your husband's eyes anymore. they were emptier, and you knew it was your fault. “tora is the one who helps a person choose a kitten. he'll be back soon, i think.” and you hoped too, because you wouldn't be able to be in shuji's presence for too much time.

“alright.” you heard him answer, your eyes now glued to the computer's bright screen. you suppressed a yawn, too annoyed with the fatigue that was plaguing you these past few weeks. you mother was worried, too, and she thought that maybe it was time to either see a doctor, or talk with your husband. a message popped in your phone from the clinic, and your eyes found shuji's again — his looking a little worried from the notification's sound.

you answered your confirmation, eyes returning to your husband's, who was looking at his hands. “it was just my doctor's clinic to confirm my appointment tomorrow.” you explained, cheeks heating up. “i'm not… seeing anyone else, if that's what you were thinking.”

relieved washed through shuji's body, and, before he could answer — saying that he also wasn't seeing anyone else — kazutora's black and blond hair popped from the back door, and he gave shuji a puzzled look.

“he's here to adopt a kitten!” you answered before shuji could, and he gave kazutora a sheepish smile.

“very well, then. follow me, hanma.” shuji did what he was told, following kazutora to the back room, smiling politely in your direction. the back was full of kittens and puppies, and shuji felt as if he died and was in heaven — the atmosphere was something he never experienced before, and all the attention the little ones were giving him almost made him tear up. he didn’t care if he showed up in that night’s meeting with fur in his suit.

kazutora’s voice took him from his daydreams, and hanma almost chocked on his own spit at this question, a puppy in his hand. “are you here to actually adopt a kitten or just to see y/n?”

“woah man, i didn't remember you being so straightforward.” he answered promptly, feeling his ears heating up. shuji actually didn’t know why he said that — peke j absolutely loathed him when the cat was still around, saving some time when he was sleepy and hanma was smoking on your balcony and peke j asked for some head scratches. he still had some faint scars from the times your brother’s cat caused havoc on his hands.

kazutora chuckled, changing the water of the animals. “well, years in jail can change someone.” hanma knew he was just joking, but he felt guilt creeping his spine hearing that. he was one of the main reasons why kazutora spent so many years there, and he didn’t want to be reminded of his past mistakes — because of you, and how much pain that day brought to you. “but i'm being serious, hanma. a kitten is a being, which needs love and the best things in the world, and i need to know if you'll be a good tutor or not.”

shuji contemplated if he should just tell the truth or if he should tell a little white lie.

“the house is cold and lonely without her.” he decided to be honest with kazutora, and hanma frowned at how his yellow eyes widened. what, he couldn’t believe shuji had feelings and felt more lonely than he ever in his entire life felt without you? “i was already thinking about getting a pet before everything happened.” you were thinking about that, but kazutora didn’t need to know.

he didn’t enjoy the smile kazutora gave him. “do you have any color preferences?”

“black.” was shuji’s answer, while he crossed his arms.

it was because of peke j, and kazutora knew it. but besides that, black cats were always seen as a sign of bad luck, and hanma used to relate to that. “okay.” the pet shop’s owner answered, picking up a small black kitten, and its big green eyes were glued in shuji’s face. “we have this one.” kazutora explained, handling it to him. shuji held the kitten gently, observing how it wanted to play with his earring. “all her siblings were adopted and she's the only one left. y/n likes to play with her a lot.”

he involuntarily smiled, thinking about how you enjoyed playing with your brother’s cat when you were too stressed, or the many old photos he had of you doing that.

“then it'll be her.” shuji decided, holding the little kitten to his chest. “she's cute.” he smiled down at her, already enamoured by her big green eyes and little black nose. it would be a good addition to the family, and she would keep him company while he awaited for you.

“you really loves y/n, don’t you, shuji?” kazutora said out of nowhere, watching as the toman executive got familiarized with the black kitten. but he asked on your behalf — kazutora heard your concerns many times, always wondering if your husband still loved you.

“of course.” shuji answered, sorrow lacing his voice. “we don’t give the power to destroy us to someone you don’t love.”

kazutora smiled sadly, mentioning hanma to handle him the kitten. “i’ll be taking care of the preparations for you to take her home.” he explained, stroking her black fur. “y/n deals with the paperwork, and you should talk to her now. shuji nodded, giving him a small smile and exiting the back room, finding yourself too entertained with what you were doing at the computer. its light reflecting in your face only made you more breathtaking, but shuji cleared his throat to get your attention — he could stay the whole afternoon just looking at your face, but he had a meeting to go to.

“kazutora said you are the one who does the paperwork.” he didn’t know how to approach you without being too forward, and ask if you were ready again and if you still loved him. but he was just there to see you, because you were supposed to be the one who would dictate your own time.

you nodded, and mentioned for him to get closer to the counter. “did you change any of your info?” you asked cautiously, because you still remembered everything about him. a soft smile made its way to your lips when you saw shuji shaking his head negatively, and you started to fill the adoption form. but the silence was too heavy, and you could feel the intensity of his gaze watching you. “what kitten will you adopt?” you asked, both out of curiosity and because of your job.

“the black kitten.” hanma answered, his eyes concentrated on your face. “kazutora said she’s the last one from her siblings.” you hummed, eyes scanning the form. she was so cute, and you were glad shuji was the one adopting her. because if no one did, you were going to — but your mother already had a hard time dealing with peke j, and you were sure she wouldn’t want another black cat in her home.

you send the form to be printed, walking towards the printer to get the sheet. “do you have a name in mind?”

shuji smiled down at you while you handed him the paper, taking his black pen from his suit pocket to sign it. “guinevere.” he watched as you cutely gave him a puzzled look, and how realization struck your face. excalibur. he still remembered peke j’s first and lame name? you probably told him that in the first stages of your relationship, when you used to snuck him in your room without your mother or brother knowing he was there.

“it’s a cute name for a cute kitten.” you acknowledged, your eyes fixed in the paper. “i’ll miss her.”

the words slipped from shuji’s mouth before he could think twice. “you can visit her whenever you want, you know. it’s still your home, too.” it was as if he was a teenager again, waiting for your answer and reactions to his pick-up lines. he saw how your cheeks gained a reddish color, his heart hammering inside his chest. it didn’t matter how many years had passed, he would always be in love with you, as if you two were still sixteen and fifteen.

“shuji, you…” he couldn’t say things like that, without a warning. it was just like when you two were young again, and you wished for that time to come back. you weren’t sure if you would’ve done something different — probably not, your memories with shuji were kept in a dear place in your heart — but things were easier. “you can’t say things like that.”

you felt his hand on your cheek, and you unconsciously leaned into his touch. “if you ever forget how much i love you, remember that i’m willing to give up the stars if it's necessary to have you at my side again.” he stroked your cheek before kazutora made his presence known, handling hanma the kitten’s box and what he would need to take care of her, leaving you missing his warmth once more.

shuji waved at you and kazutora, and you two repaid the gesture, your eyes watching him leaving with longing on them. “wait, isn't shuji going to pay for the things?” you asked, curious eyes now looking at kazutora.

“well.” he started, tidying up some things inside the shop so you two could close it. “he’s donating a good amount of money every month here to the stray puppies and kittens, and i felt bad for charging him, since he’s already donating.” kazutora smiled at how your face lit up at the mention of your husband donating his money for something, and not only using it to buy luxurious things for both him and yourself. “i also heard he’s donating to the building of hospitals and schools, too.”

you tried to hold back your tears, but you couldn’t. you were way more emotional than ever those past few weeks, and kazutora promptly hugged you. “your love made him a better man, y/n.”

—

“what is this?” kisaki asked angrily, watching as his second in command was playing in the ground with a black cat. he knew hanma was a wild card since day one, but tetta never expected that.

shuji frowned at him. “this is what it looks like.” he shrugged, shaking the toy so guinevere could chase it. “i adopt a cat. meet guinevere, tetta. she's like your niece or something.” hanma watched with amusement in his eyes as kisaki sneered at him, but tried to play with the cat nonetheless. “atta girl.” he whispered as guinevere bit tetta's hands — at least something she learned from you.

“fucking brat.” kisaki murmured, sitting on the leather couch of shuji's office.

hanma followed his friend, leaving the kitten to her devices. he hoped he had tired her enough so she could sleep while he talked with tetta, and then the two of them could go home. “what is the matter you want to discuss today?”

kisaki adjusted his glasses. “the police.” he started, an annoyed frown on his face. “that idea of yours, of donating money and try to be a beneficent organization for a few months, was a good one.” an idea that was inspired by what you said to him, actually — but no one knew that. shuji hoped that when he told you what was happening, you would be happy to know that toman was changing. “but they're still nagging us.”

he knew what kisaki wanted. “maybe we could try to protect people instead of just killing them?” shuji offered a piece of his mind. “so we can pose publicly as the good guys for once. it can be just a planned situation, so we'll have control of what will happen and what will not.”

hanma could see the gears working on kisaki's mind, and he felt confident that your — and chifuyu's, too — dream could be a reality without the blood that was spilled.

“i knew that being without y/n would do good for you, shuji.”

“yeah, whatever.” he dismissed tetta's words with a waving hand, already knowing what he was going to say. that you were a distraction, that he shouldn't let love be too important to him, and all of that. just because he preferred you alive, even that meant being away from him, and kisaki preferred the woman of his affections dead, it didn't mean shuji was weaker. “anything else, tetta?”

kisaki narrowed his eyes, eyeing hanma from his head to his toes. “you know that i only didn't kill y/n for your sake.” shuji nodded, remembering how he begged his friend to not lay a hand on his wife — it had a good explanation for what you did, shuji was sure of it, and you had. but kisaki didn't buy it, and shuji needed to beg on his knees so you would be spared from the same fate as your brother. “don't make me regret my decision, hanma.”

he watched as tetta exited his office, running a hand through his face. he needed to have you at his side again, because if he didn’t, any day you would appear dead and shuji would have a little souvenir waiting for him at his door.

—

natsuki watched as you fidgeted with your fingers while waiting for the blood test to come out.

she knew you and hanma were ready to take the next steps and, before everything that happened, she was beyond excited to have her first grandchildren. but now, watching as she was the one accompanying you to the doctors instead of your husband, she wasn’t so sure if a pregnancy was what you’re needing right now. it was supposed to be shuji there, hugging you by the shoulders while you two waited for the results of something that was supposed to be a happy moment. the unshed tears now in your eyes told her otherwise, but it was your decision to distance yourself from shuji for now.

words of comfort weren’t needed at that moment, and when the doctor stepped out you tightened your grip on your mother’s hand.

“congratulations, mrs. hanma.” the doctor smiled warmly, and your heart fell to your belly. “you’re pregnant. the due date is seven months from now.” you shook his hand, a teary smile on your face. you hoped he bought your story — your husband had an emergency at work and you called your mother to accompany you — and that he couldn’t read your tears as tears of sadness, because that was what they were.

the arms around you weren’t the arms you were expecting, but your mother knew how to calm you. “it’ll be alright, dear.” she whispered in your ear, and you tried so hard to not break down in sobs. your relationship with your husband seemed to be on better terms than you thought, but would shuji receive well these news? he already thought you were cheating on him with kazutora, what if kisaki managed to manipulate him enough for him to think the baby wasn’t his?

and, of course, your brother’s words on his letter were a cruel reminder that he would be the best uncle ever, loving and doting your children as if they were his own — but he wasn’t there to share that moment with you.

you drove your mother back home, saying to her that you needed to run some errands for kazutora and would be back soon, but she knew where you were going. you parked in a convenience store, near the cemetery, to buy some peyang yakisoba, as well as some other sweets. the walk there was lonely and sorrowful, your thoughts running a mile per hour in you head, and you would never be used to going to your family's grave because of your brother.

but the first stop wasn't the matsunos' grave.

you looked at the stone as if it was an old friend of yours, and, to some extent, it was. you didn't know how many times you visited it through the twelve years since keisuke died, and you felt as if he needed to be the first one to know. because before he was your boyfriend, he was your friend too, and you thought that if he was alive he would be thriving with the news. you placed the peyang yakisoba at the feet of the grave, lighting an incense and praying.

“i'm pregnant, keisuke.” you whispered, your hand caressing your belly. it was strange to think about it — the words didn’t sit properly on your tongue, and they had a bittersweet taste. it was just like yesterday that you were still a teenager, riding around with the toman boys on keisuke's bike, laughing and your only responsibility being school. now, you were a grown woman, married and carrying another being inside your womb.

would you be a good mother?

you wiped your tears, getting up from the ground, kissing your fingers and pressing them on the stone. it was funny how the distance between the bajis' and your family's grave wasn't long, and you were happy to know that even death couldn't separate your brother from keisuke.

but you stopped in your tracks when you saw a familiar figure seated in the front of the matsunos' grave, your heart hammering in your chest at the sight of your husband. it was just yesterday that you saw him, but it felt too long ago.

the words coming from his mouth were incomprehensible to you, but you understood what feeling was making your heart hammer inside your ribcage. it was love, pure love — the same love that you felt before your brother died, soft as snowflakes falling on your skin in the first snow of the winter, the love that burned your heart with passion and made it anew just to be burned again. not the love that had a tough grip on your heart, that made your heart clench with pain and your throat dry with unsaid words.

you watched as shuji left the grave, slowly walking towards it to tell the news for your brother and father.

you knew what you had to do when you arrived home.

—

going to visit your family grave made shuji think he was being forgiven by his sins.

it was a total lie and he knew that, but doing something he didn’t even do to his dead relatives made him feel like your brother and father were slowly forgiving him. it was good to stay a while in a quiet place, just him and his thoughts, and sometimes a cigarette. shuji didn’t know if your father smoked — because you were too young when he died and didn’t remember — but he hoped he was happy with the brands shuji was gifting him. for chifuyu, though, he remembered what chocolates he used to like, at least.

arriving home had been a torture for him, even with guinevere. the kitten had proved to be a good companion to him, and shuji could speak freely to her — because he knew the cat wouldn’t judge him, because she couldn’t understand what he was saying. guinevere was his own therapist, and she didn’t even know it. but the house was still too cold and lifeless without you, your nonexistent presence like a shadow over his shoulders.

he sighed when he felt his phone vibrating, putting guinevere’s food on her little pot before reading it.

y/n: hi shuji

y/n: we need to talk

y/n: when you are free?

with a hammering heart and trembling fingers, shuji read your message over and over again. it could only mean two things: either you were going back to his arms, or you would ask for a divorce. he hoped it was the first conclusion, but he couldn’t help and be afraid — what if you found that being without him was better? what if you stopped loving him?

you: hi princess

you: im free tonight if you want

you: do you want to have dinner here?

you: we can order italian food from your favorite restaurant

before he could know your answer, hanma started to tidy up the house. the maids always did a wonderful job, but the atmosphere in it was too… strange. he opened the windows, the curtains, putting some music and lit some scented candles you left behind. guinevere looked at him curiously, following her tutor closely, trying to play with the ends of the curtains. shuji checked his phone again, smiling at your response.

y/n: of course! can i arrive in 30?

thirty minutes was what he needed to feel like himself again to meet you.

you: i'll send you a car in 30, then, princess

you: see you soon

—

you were nervous getting ready, but shuji's words from yesterday calmed you. he still loved you, and you hoped he would be thrilled with the news. you grew used to it, especially after your visit to the cemetery. you mother's words soothed you too, and you knew she was excited to be a grandmother.

finishing the last bits of your makeup, you heard your mother calling for you, saying the driver already arrived. you forgot how it was to have such luxuries, such as private drivers and maids, and felt quite overwhelmed with shuji's words. but you hoped he was just looking out for you, and it isn't a trap from kisaki. you trusted your husband, yes, but the fear was always lingering on you.

biding farewell to your mother, you went down the stairs, smiling at the familiar face of the driver. he was the one who drove you on the night chifuyu died, and you were happy he didn't lose his job because of you. the drive to your once penthouse was peaceful, with a little bit of traffic, but not something that would interfere too much. you wished you arrived there quickly, so you could end your suffering.

shuji was waiting for you at the entrance, and you couldn't help but see the parallel between that night and now — this time, shuji was seeing you arriving and not going away.

“hi.” he greeted, almost breathless, and you wished you had worn more fancy clothes. you weren't expecting to see him wearing a designed shirt and trousers — and so you opted for a cotton shirt and a cute skirt, not in the mood to use tight dresses. “you look amazing.”

you laughed at his words, cheeks blushing as if this was your first date, hugging shuji by his waist. the action took him by surprise, but you needed that — needed to feel his warmth and feel his skin, to make sure you aren't dreaming. “if i knew you would be still wearing your work clothes, i would've put more effort in my appearance.”

shuji felt confident enough, because of your actions, to kiss your forehead, his arms around you like you were a prized possession. “stop that, y/n.” he scolded you, leading you to a way you knew like the back of your heart. he was taking you home. “you look breathtaking wearing anything.” and he meant that. the same glow you had in the pet shop you had now, but something was different.

you squeezed the hand that was leading you to your once shared penthouse, and you hoped he couldn't hear your heart beating loudly. you decided to tell shuji about your pregnancy after dinner, because, if he didn't react well, at least you two shared one last fun dinner.

he opened the door to you, and you almost teared up at the sight of your home. everything was like you left, nothing was out of place — as if the penthouse was just waiting for your return. you noticed the table already made, and you smile fondly at shuji's attempt to do something you always did to him. “the table is magnificent.” you murmured, watching as his cheeks gained a reddish color.

shuji scratched his neck in embarrassment at your words, but started to smile seeing you interacting with guinevere. his two favorite girls.

“is she giving you too much trouble?” you asked with the kitten on your lap, pampering her little face with kisses as you used to do in the shop. she reminded you a lot of peke j, and you remembered fondly the day you arrived from school to your brother taking a bath with a cat and using all the hot water.

hanma shook his head. “no. she's an angel, actually, and i'm sure he's happy that her mom is home.” he noticed how your eyes widened at his words, and he cursed himself for being so forward. shuji would just drive you far away from him at the end of the night.

but you smiled, nuzzling your face on guinevere's black fur, and shuji saw the whole world beaming down at him. “yeah? you're happy mommy is home, baby girl?” you kissed her little one last time before she got too annoyed in your lap, blushing under your husband's gaze. “should we eat? the food will get cold.”

dinner went smoothly. you updated shuji in everything that happened in your life since your brother's funeral — how you were working with kazutora, how you found a passion for taking care of animals and in painting and baking, all the shows you watched with your mother that you thought he would like. and thus, he told you about how the gang was going. you were surprised to know that they — not just shuji — were now donating a part of their income to charity, and that hanma didn't kill a man since chifuyu died. it was as if nothing happened between you two, as if you two weren't away from each other for two months. you laughed and chatted as if it was a normal night from shuji coming back from work to the safety of your arms.

“so.” hanma started, curiosity eating him alive. “you wanted to talk?” it was the only thing in his mind the entire night. you two talked about a lot of things, but it seemed that you were hiding something. ever since he referred to you as guinevere’s mom you started to react differently when he touched some subjects.

you took a deep breath, intertwining your hands over your lap. “y-yes.” shuji didn’t like the way you stuttered, and you noticed the worry in his eyes. it’s now or never. “i'm pregnant.” you decided to be short about the announcement, like ripping quickly a bandage from a healed wound, so it could hurt, but it would pass. “and i… i will carry it.” you smiled at you, a hand protectively on your stomach, where your womb was. you wondered how love could be born so fast just from a few words from the doctor. “i know it's selfish of me to ask it because i was the one who decided i wanted to stay away from you, but i want to go through this with you.”

in a swift movement, shuji was kneeling in front of you, hands on your thighs. “are you saying…”

he couldn’t believe it. it was what shuji dreamed every time since you left him becoming reality right in front of his eyes, and he didn’t know how to react. he hoped you could sense the happiness he was feeling irradiating from him, because he thought he never felt such a thing before. and you smiled at him, and hanma could melt under it — you were a goddess offering forgiveness for him, and he would gladly accept it.

“if you want me back, i'm all yours again.” you whispered, hand guiding his sin one to rest on your belly. “i didn't stop being.”

he almost broke down on sobs by hearing such things leaving your mouth and from the feeling of where his child was growing. what did he do to receive such a blessing? “i love you. so, so much.” he whispered it like a prayer, words tasting like honey on his tongue. you would never be used to hearing him saying that. you've waited ten years for shuji to profess his love out loud for you — even though the first time wasn’t in ideal circumstances — and it was worth it. “can’t believe you’ll make me a dad.” shuji thought out loud while lifting your shirt to look at where his child was resting.

you giggled, both from his words and from the kisses he was pampering your belly with. “you are the one who made me a mom in the first place.” your fingers found themselves on his hair, stroking the double coloured locks.

“yeah, you’re a mommy now.” your giggles died at how husky his voice sounded, your grip on his hair tightening.

“shuji.” you whimpered, and your husband took this as his clue to get up and finally kiss you after two months. the feel of your lips on his, now, that you were his wife again, was better than he could ever imagine. your hands gripped his designed shirt while he lifted you up from the chair to kiss you properly.

“fuck, i missed you.” he whispered against your lips, a determined gaze on his golden eyes. you watched breathlessly as your husband took off his glasses aggressively, and you had time to wonder if he didn't break them before shuji's lips found yours again, his kisses desperately and full of longing. “i promise i'll kiss you now for all the kisses you denied me these two months.” he promised before claiming your lips once again, and you could only agree with his words by reciprocating his actions with the same intensity.

soon your legs were wrapped around shuji's middle, and your hands opened the buttons of his shirt while he walked you to your shared bedroom, his lips — and yours, too — red and swollen by the kisses. it was a sight you missed seeing — hanma’s golden eyes widened with lust and love directly to you.

your back hit the mattress with ease, and you helped your husband getting out both yours and his shirt, his punishment hand unclasping your bra. “holy shit.” he whispered, massaging the soft skin of your breasts with both hands. “they’re bigger than i remember.”

“it’s because—” your explanation was cut by the feeling of shuji’s tongue encircling one of your nipples, a gasp leaving your mouth at the contact. “i-i’m pregnant.” and they were sensitive too — you didn’t remember squirming so much in other times hanma did that before. it was good, but you were too impatient to enjoy it properly. “i need you, shuji, please.” you whispered, tugging at his hair to get his attention.

with a plop sound, he stopped his ministrations. “i can’t wait until they’re leaking milk.” his words made you blush, and shuji smiled at your blushing face. he could never grow tired of you and your reactions to his filthy words. “what do you choose today, princess? sin or punishment?”

both offers were tempting, and you couldn’t think straight with the trail of kisses shuji was leaving in your skin. he stopped with his hands on the waistline of your skirt, fingers ghosting the warm skin there. “i asked you a question, y/n.”

“p-punishment.” he drew out of you, and alongside your answer, both your skirt and panties were discarded on the floor.

shuji hummed happily, his fingers running through your folds. “this wet already, princess?” you nodded meekly, whimpering every time his thumb ghosted over your clit but not applying any pressure there. you moaned loudly when a finger from punishment entered your clenching hole, the thumb drawing faint circles over your throbbing bud. shuji’s finger didn’t stop, and he added one more, pumping in and out of you at a merciless pace, smiling growing bigger every time you whimpered at the loss of contact on your clit — he was bringing you to the edge and back, and you couldn’t do anything.

“it’s what you asked for, y/n.” you groaned in annoyance, tears in the corner of your eyes with the fourth ruined orgasm.

you whimpered again, feeling the coil in your stomach growing bigger and bigger, squirming under him. “but i want to cum, shuji. p-please.” you begged, blinking your pretty eyes at him, and he cooed in faux sympathy. “n-no one can make me cum like y-you, please.” you tried again, breathing starting to speed up and hand gripping his arms.

“you want to cum, princess?” you nodded eagerly, a soft smile on your face, which soon became a frown at the loss of his fingers inside. shuji shoved them in your mouth before you could protest, and you licked them obediently, tears now falling from your eyes. “then you’ll cum around my cock, like you always did.” he promised, taking off his trousers and boxers, aligning the tip of it with your entrance.

you were expecting a little tease before shuji’s cock entered your gummy walls, like he always did, but he probably was desperate enough to feel you clenching against him, entering without a warming. he hissed at the sensation of your walls sucking him, and you lowered his head so you could kiss his lips. “fuck, y/n.” he murmured against your lips, not moving yet, adoration shining in his eyes. “you don’t know much i missed it, m-missed us.”

“me too, l-love.” you whimpered, hiding your face in the crook of his neck.

just like when he was using his fingers, shuji’s pace was merciless, but you couldn’t ask for more. both of you were desperate for each other, breathing heavily and moaning each other’s name shamelessly. you almost screamed when your husband’s thumb found your clit again, and your eyes begged for him to let you cum this time.

noticing how your walls were clenching even more around his length, shuji stroked your cheek. “cum for me, princess.”

you came with a cry of his name, and shuji followed you — the way you clenched him was too much to handle. he slid out of you, reaching for a cigarette in the night stand. you scooted closer to his body, mind still a bit foggy, resting your head on his shoulder. “you were so good to me.” shuji pressed a kiss to your forehead before mentioning you to light the cigarette, a peaceful smile on his face. “when i finish this, i’ll run a bath for you, alright?”

you just nodded, too tired to think about something to say, nuzzling back in his body.

“i can’t wait to know the gender of our baby.” you commented after your mind came back to its normal state, shuji hands rubbing circles on her back, you smiled down at the small bump on your belly, imagining what life would be with a little you or a little shuji running down the halls. but you were afraid, too, especially of kisaki’s reaction. he said for you to behave, and you thought you were, but you weren't sure if he would be happy to know you and shuji reconciled.

“neither do i. i hope it’s a girl.” your husband smiled down at you, but it turned on a frown after seeing the worry expression on your face. shuji knew what you were thinking. “y/n, princess, look at me.” you did what you were told, watching as shuji disposed of the cigarette, his attention solely on you. “i will never let something happen to our little family. tetta can cry and throw tantrums as much as he likes, but you are the love of my life and i’ll never do anything to hurt you again, even if it costs my position in toman.” he sealed his promise with a quick kiss, and you sighed happily, your hands resting on your belly.

“but now, let’s take a bath. we have two months worth of sex to replenish.”

you giggled at his words, letting be carried by your husband to the bathroom.

everything would be fine, as long as you had each other.

—

“papa, papa!” you heard a childish voice murmuring, excitement on their voice. “when i’ll be able to wake up mama?” you heard shuji’s laughing quietly and telling the child to shush.

mama? was this child talking about you? it didn’t make sense. yesterday you had dinner with your husband to tell him you were pregnant and… wait. that didn’t make sense, at all. you already had a child, didn't you? hanma shinobu, with black hair just as her father and blue-green eyes she inherited from her uncle. but you were pregnant again, you were sure of that. the soreness in your back told you that.

“it’s almost time, shinobu.” he said, and it took everything in you to not open your eyes. everything was confusing — because you were sure yesterday you and shuji reconciled and you told him you were pregnant — but maybe you just had a really vivid dream of something that happened in the past. you heard the girl laugh, and you bit your lip to not let your giggles out.

“mama!” she exclaimed climbing into your lap, and you opened your eyes, being graced with your daughter’s beautiful eyes and her… black and blonde hair? “did you like it, mama? i made papa dye my hair so i can match him, and match uncle chifuyu when he was younger!” she told you excitedly, bouncing up and down on your lap.

you shot your husband a dirt look. what was he thinking when dyeing a four-year-old’s hair? but you smiled at shinobu, the nostalgia of seeing the same glist of mischief your brother once had in your daughter’s eyes almost making you tear up. “you look beautiful, baby. i'm sure uncle is happy to know you love him enough to want to match with him.” she smiled at your words, and you held her closely to your chest, kissing her hair.

“good morning, princess.” shuji said sheepishly, sitting next to you in bed, one arm encircling your shoulders.

you smiled, feeling his lips pressing against your forehead, and shinobu hugged you tighter, seeing her father displaying affection towards her mother. you giggled at your little girl, giving her a kiss on her forehead. but you weren’t exactly happy — you had a beautiful family and a beautiful house, but you were melancholic. especially when shinobu mentioned her uncle. but you couldn’t remember why.

“shin, my baby.” shuji started, noticing how down you looked. “why don’t you go play with guinevere a little? papa needs to talk to mama.” the little girl whined, but did that her father said, not before receiving kisses on her cheeks from the both of you. your hand rested on your belly, and you sighed.

your husband hugged you once more, his sin hand resting in your growing belly. wasn’t it smaller?

“mikey went to the philippines.”

oh, yes. mikey killed chifuyu and everyone who was in toman. how did you forget about that? that’s why you were so melancholic. your brother’s death was still fresh in your mind, but you were happy he lived enough to meet his niece. but not his nephew, and you suffered for your little boy growing in your womb.

shuji caressed your belly. “i know you’re worried that he’ll come for you, but i’ll kill him before he lays his hands on you, princess.” your heart fluttered inside your chest at your husband’s words, and you nuzzled on his side. you were so lucky to have someone like shuji with you — even though your relationship started rocky, with him tying up your brother on christmas day before meeting you at a church’s stair, you couldn’t see yourself without him now.

“like izana will let you, shuji.” you teased him, and he chuckled.

“hey, i’m your big and strong husband, okay? being married to the reaper has its perks.” he tried to resonate, but shuji knew izana was stronger than him. but he promised him that mikey would never lay a hand on your, and he knew tetta would make sure izana would fulfill his part on the deal — shinobu was his goddaughter, and if anything happened to her, hanma was sure kisaki wouldn’t hesitate to kill izana, mikey and kakucho.

you squinted your eyes. “speaking of being married to the reaper.” you started, and shuji gulped. he knew what would come next. “why the hell did you dye shin’s hair? she’s four!” you knew shuji was wrapped around shinobu’s fingers — and you were too, because she was too adorable to receive a no — dyeing her locks would make your mom go crazy.

“she wanted to look like her uncle.” shuji explained, and your heart clenched inside your ribcage. she was spoiled by all her family and your husband’s friends, but chifuyu always had a special place in her heart. “and i couldn’t say no, not after… you know. but i managed to convince her to make it like mine, because she wanted her hair all blonde.” you and shuji shared sad smiles, and you hugged him tighter, inhaling his scent. “but let’s get breakfast, shall we?” your husband helped you out of the bed, and you smiled at how big you bump was.

the due date would be in two months, and you already knew what name your little boy have — chifuyu, just like his uncle.

if it wasn’t for him, you wouldn’t be here now, eating breakfast with your husband, while your little girl played with the family’s cat.

you couldn’t be more grateful to your brother.

lil note: if you didn't understand the ending, y/n and hanma are now in the manila timeline due to takemichi's time leap!!

[stardustbee]

22 with Maul!

Hello! Thank you for sending your request!

Warnings: p in v, breast licking, biting

Note: phew I was done with something smutty for this but I couldn't resist to write the other thing I had in my mind for this, so i wrote TWO little things for your request! The second part is the smutty part AND the first smut thing I feel comfortable in posting here. So...have fun?

Ship challenge promt list

22. "Your kisses are all I need right now" Crime Lord!Maul x fem!reader 

It was a busy morning. How are you supposed to run an organization like that? His subordinates stood whimpering before him while he, Maul, sat menacingly on some kind of throne. He couldn't hear it anymore. The excuses they gave him as to why this and that task hadn't been accomplished. Maul didn't say anything and just waved them away and relief spread through the room. 

Normally their corpses would be littering the floor by now, but Maul wasn't in the mood today. The doors swung open, the men left the room and in the same instant you step inside. Your hands put on your sides. You've decided to wear a nice, simple, black dress. You look at him. One arm rested on the throne, his head was tilted and with the other hand he was massaging his forehead. 

"Darling..." you begin as you walk around to him. "...tell me what can I do for my love?" You stood in front of him and caressed his back, he buried his face in your chest. Maul didn't hesitate very long, pulled you onto his lap and kissed you. "Your kisses are all I need right now." he started saying between kisses. You didn't think improving his mood was so easy.

Here comes the SMUT!

22. "Your kisses are all I need right now" Maul x fem!reader 

The air was heavy and hot, and when Maul was done with you, he dropped onto your exhausted body. Your body was wet with sweat, your legs spread wide, his cock still in your pussy. He grumbled and your breathing was labored, your hands couldn't leave his body alone. For Maul, that was just the beginning. 

"Maul..." you murmur weakly from your lips. "My love..." he replies. You could still feel him so deep inside you and your orgasms exceed. You wanted more. He wants to break you, catch you and then break you again. He started gnawing at your collarbone and licking over the bites to your breasts. Maul started working your sensitive nipples with his tongue. 

Your moans grew weaker, but your lust rose to new peaks. As he noticed you moving your hips to stimulate him again, he started moving his cock into your wet pussy. Then his lips found yours and he started kissing you passionately. You broke the kiss and looked deep into his eyes and wanted to say something, he immediately cut you off because he knew what you wanted. "Your kisses are all I need right now." he said, blurting out the words simply passion. 

With a deft move, he wasn't even expecting, you roll him onto his back onto the mattress. A happy and lustful smile crosses your lips as you fill your emptiness with his cock again. You both moan and you let your upper body fall forward, always thinking that your kisses are all he needs.

--------------

Tagging!

@eloquentmoon @eyecandyeoz @justalittletomato @by-the-primes @literatureandqueen @oh-three @nobody-expects-the-inquisitorius @nxctuaryninetythree @dinsverdika @moonstrider9904

[floating-in-waves]

I was tagged by the beautiful soul @i-sat-bythe0cean to list 5 songs by 3 favorite bands. Not an easy task at all. Thank you for thinking of me😊

Led Zeppelin

1. Tangerine

2. 10 Years Gone

3. Thank You

4. Carouselambra

5. Achilles Last Stand

QOTSA

1. I Sat By the Ocean 🥰

2. Into the Fade

3. Little Sister

4. Lost Art of Keeping a Secret

5. If Only

Deftones

1. Passenger

2. Mein

3. Wax and Wane

4. Drive (cover of The Cars)

5. Sex Tape

Phew I did it and could of added so many other bands lol. Whatchu got @beatasticband @bobgalloway55 @justhiitit and anyone else who would like to share some music. Time to get off my ass and do the things. Have a good Sunday

[letsdothisbruh]

I posted 44 times in 2022

That's 44 more posts than 2021!

24 posts created (55%)

20 posts reblogged (45%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@cybersugarstuffs

@stuck-with-that-sum

@studyandstorms

@sizeleak

I tagged 22 of my posts in 2022

Only 50% of my posts had no tags

#letsdothisbruh - 21 posts

#motivation - 21 posts

#study - 21 posts

#studyspo - 21 posts

#studyinspo - 21 posts

#studyblr - 21 posts

#100 days of productivity - 20 posts

#we can do it - 19 posts

#stem major - 19 posts

#together - 18 posts

Longest Tag: 24 characters

#100 days of productivity

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Day 1/100- Nov 14- Mon

Trying to flesh out my SOP from the edits I got from my folks… it’s been daunting since I’m unable to find a good framework narrative without it sounding cliched…

Planning to put together a ppt and meet my advisor today, let’s see how that pans out. I have been anxious about it and have been procrastinating it for a while now.

Hopefully I make it through today and am productive.

Just reading a paper right now to finesse my question of purpose.

Song of the day:

On repeat 🔂

2 notes - Posted November 14, 2022

#4

Day 10/100- Nov 23- Wed

Half the week is over and I feel lazy and useless… gosh damn it.

I didn’t feel like doing anything today but still made myself come to my lab for the microscopy time I booked since it’s super crowded and I can’t try to change timings or make it up later…

I’m hoping to go back home and just finish some of my tasks for my courses. Today. I have to work it.

My avengers travel mug is keeping me sane with caffeine for now….

Song of the day:

This song accurately describes how I’m not enough how much ever I keep trying to jump hoops for everyone’s expectations of me 😑

2 notes - Posted November 23, 2022

#3

Day 17/100- Dec 2- Fri

Why is time moving this fast?

I didn’t get much done in terms of studying today but got much lab work done, setup for the genetic crosses for the week and made sure I did all I can so I can stay home guilt free tomorrow and go in on Sunday instead.

Even took time to go see my prof today and phew, I can see a tonne of work brewing up for this weekend!

The trick I need to master here is to hit the bed right now and make sure I wake up at a normal morning time tomo, eat healthy and NOT be intimidated by the lots of tasks… just gotta… bunch it all up into smaller tasks and get going and finish it!!

Just trying to get the courage to work smart and hard in the next few days, but I will be fine. I have to!!

Song of the Day:

4 notes - Posted December 2, 2022

#2

Day 12&13/100- Nov 26- Sat

Hmm I seemed to have forgotten to post yesterday..

Eh no one cares anyways.

See the full post

6 notes - Posted November 27, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Hey I found the #studychallengewithcleo by @that-premed-student and decided to go for it!

Today I’m continuing to work on my Thesis committee meeting presentation right now. Been at it since morning and I’m sure I crossed the 6 hour mark a while back haha

I’m definitely taking breaks in between, and eating food and drinking water/beverages (do be kind to yourself and take care of yourself even if you are stressed)

So currently my work for today is:

Finish analysing my final dataset

Include those graphs on my ppt

Finish including all the info from the tagged papers on my ppt

Make a script and read it 3-5 times before retiring for the night

And ofc overthinking and writing down any Qs I could be asked in that meeting tomorrow and looking up and keeping track of those answers separately.

I think my list is doable… I am hoping my presentation tomorrow goes amazingly well and my committee members greenlit me for my final semester without any issues.

8 notes - Posted November 29, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[franklyshipping]

Definitely Not Hayfever ~ A Markiplier and Jacksepticeye Ego Fanfic

HERE WE HAVE A LOVELY ANON PROMPT INVOLVING OUR FAVOURITE MAGICIAN, SILVER HERO... AND A MAGIC PLANT! LET’S DO THIS!

TAGGING: @marvin-lee-magician-blog @marvinleemagician-blog  @silvlee-shepherd @yandere-ipli-ler and @thehostofleetrature

Silver Shepherd sighed as he came into the manor, with the last rays of sunset glimmering behind him as he shut and locked the doors. Today had been a very productive day of hero work for the sweet man, with lots of lives saved and villains defeated; he had that warm fuzzy feeling he got in his belly when his hard work paid off. Now, he was ready to relax. However, when he stepped into the manor further, in the low lighting he could hear someone grunting, and swearing, under their breath. He curiously found the foyer’s dimmer switch and increased the light, and smiled with confusion when he saw a familiar friend hunched at the bottom of the grand staircase.

‘Marvin? What on earth are you doing?’

The magician froze. He was hoping he wouldn’t bump into anyone, because what he was doing was meant to be a secret. He sighed. Oh well. He straightened up and smiled at the hero embarrassedly, and only then did Silver see what had had Marvin grunting. A four foot tall plant in a huge, heavy-looking black pot. It looked like a wine-coloured fir tree, except it also had black and peach coloured flowers that reminded Silver of poppies. Marvin laughed gently.

‘Trying to get this godforsaken shrub to my room without anyone noticing.’

‘…why?’

Silver asked with a little giggle, and Marvin smiled bashfully as he explained everything. The plant was a variant of a shrub that produced magical, tickle-inducing pollen. Marvin had gotten it for himself because he wanted to extract the pollen in order to create fun tickle related potions and spells as gifts or surprises for all the other egos. Also, he wasn’t levitating it because he didn’t want to risk imbuing his magic into the plant, in case it affected the pollen’s properties. Silver was amazed! He had no idea such a plant could exist, and he thought Marvin was so sweet with how he wanted to make tickly surprises for everyone with it! Of course, Silver’s instinct was to be as helpful as possible in the situation.

‘Let me help you carry it to your room! Four hands are better than two, and I promise I won’t tell anyone so it all stays a surprise!’

Marvin beamed at the hero, and gladly accepted his help. It took them a few moments to get co-ordinated, and honestly getting it up the grand staircase was a LOT harder than either of them thought. Soon enough though they were moving in sync, holding the plant at the pot’s base and using their forearms to keep it upright as they carefully, and quietly, carried it through the dimly lit manor. It was a genuine miracle that neither of them tripped over the random stuff left around by the other egos, but they finally managed to make it into Marvin’s room undetected.

However, this is where things took a turn. They were about to place it on Marvin’s bed and take a rest before figuring out where to place it in the room… when it slipped. Silver’s big gloves had been making the task difficult for the hero, but he’d worked through it until now. Now it slipped from his grip, and the sudden imbalance caused it to slip from Marvin’s hands too, making them both yelp as they anticipated a very loud crash; Silver even covered his face, afraid to watch the carnage unfold. But they were lucky. It landed on Marvin’s bed, sustaining no damage, making Silver sigh and laugh.

‘Oh phew, that was close! S-Sorry for losing my grip!’

Silver smiled at Marvin, but Marvin was silent. Silver furrowed his brows as Marvin turned around, but when he saw the magician his eyes widened. Marvin was absolutely covered… in pollen. When Silver had lost his grip on the plant initially, the flowers had been knocked against Marvin’s chest, and the impact caused them to expel their glimmering, crimson pollen ALL over Marvin’s body. Thanks to his suit, and Silver covering his face, none of it had gotten on the hero’s skin… but Marvin wasn’t so lucky.

‘O-Oh… o-oho nononohoho!’

Marvin immediately started to smile and giggle, his breathing getting faster and faster as his skin began to tingle with ticklishness. Silver looked on with wide eyes as the pollen started to take effect, and gasped when Marvin crumpled on his carpeted floor, giggling and squeaking as he frantically tried to brush at his body.

‘Marvin? A-Are you okay? Did it get on you?’

‘Whahahat doho yohou thihihink?!’

Marvin retorted, and Silver smiled and giggled a little. He couldn’t deny that Marvin looked pretty adorable right now, all giggly and rolling about on the floor. Marvin heard his giggles and blushed, trying to glare up at the hero.

‘D-Dohohon’t lahahaugh ahat mehehe! Th-thihis ihisn’t fuhunny!’

Silver snorted, folding his arms as he grinned down at Marvin playfully.

‘Ihit is kinda funny, and super duper cute by the way.’

‘Sihihihilveher!’

Marvin squeaked, feeling more and more embarrassed by the second. Silver giggled again, but obviously was one of the least mean people in the manor, so he decided he’d at least try and help Marvin get the pollen off… if possible. The backs of his gloves had caught some of the pollen, but the palms and fingers were clear, so Silver came and knelt by the giggling magician as he smiled.

‘Okay ohokay I’ll try and brush it off, where is it getting you?’

Even Silver’s phrasing made Marvin feel flustered, but he couldn’t afford to waste any more time… because the tickling was getting gradually worse as time went on. Marvin took a few breaths, trying to keep still as he stuttered.

‘Ihihihit’s ohon my neheck a-and stohohomach ahahand my frihihickin feheheheet!’

‘Oho dear, it really found your tickle spots huh?’

Silver briefly teased, making Marvin whine, before the hero leant in and gently tilted Marvin’s head up, exposing his neck.

‘Okay let’s try and get this off, see if you can keep still okay?’

Marvin nodded, but his giggles were endless as Silver started brushing at the sides of his neck with his gloved fingers. He squeezed his eyes shut tight, trying his best not to react… but the tickling was so maddening! It felt like there were millions of microscopic insects scuttling up and down his neck, meanwhile his tummy felt like it was being tazed and scratched by the tiniest of claws – it was the worst at his feet though. It was unlike any sensation he’d ever felt, like this constant internal buzzing across every inch of his feet!

‘I-Ihihihis ihit cohohoming ohohoff?!’

‘Uhm… uhh, I think so?’

Silver had absolutely no idea whether the pollen was coming off, or whether his rubbing was making its tickly properties more effective! Some of the glittering essence did seem to be coming off from Silver’s efforts, floating down onto the carpet, but Marvin’s neck was such a deep pink!

‘P-Plehehehease ihihit tihihickles sohoho bahahad!!!’

Marvin cried out, now squirming as he clutched and rubbed at his middle, arching his back as his giggling turned hysterical. Meanwhile, Silver sighed at him with a fond smile.

‘Well I can’t get it off if you keep moving!’

‘Ihihihi cahahan’t hehehelp ihit! Pleheheeease!’

Marvin whined, looking up at him with an adorable, pleading gaze. Silver smiled fondly down at him, and then nodded to his stomach.

‘Okay okay I’ll keep trying, let me try your stomach okay?’

‘Okahahahay, j-juhuhust huhurry!’

Marvin replied, and used all his willpower to keep his arms at his sides whilst Silver pushed his shirt up, and started brushing at the pollen gleaming against Marvin’s abdomen. However, as soon as Silver touched him, the magician arched his back with a fierce squeal.

‘OHOHO MY GAHAD IHIT G-GOHOT WOHOOORSE!’

‘I’m going as fast as I can Marv!’

Silver brushed at his abdomen faster and faster, but little did the pair of them know that Silver was actually aggravating the pollen. Yes, he was getting some of it off, but the bits that stayed stuck got more potent from the heat from Silver’s gloved hands. So, in short, it was tickling Marvin a hell of a lot more.

‘THIHIHIS IHIS HOHOW I DIHIHIE!’

‘Oh my- you’re not gonna die! You’re such a drama queheen!’

‘AHAHAM NAHAHAT!’

Silver giggled and rolled his eyes. Honestly, aside from Wilford and Bim, Marvin was absolutely the most dramatic out of all the egos. However, Silver could tell that the tickling was somehow getting worse for the poor magician, and he didn’t have enough hands to get the pollen off his stomach AND his feet! So, Silver came up with an idea which he thought was genius.

‘Okay, okay just try and rub your feet against the carpet while I stay at your stomach – it’s the only way I can think to get it off as fast as we can!’

Marvin nodded, because honestly he didn’t have a better idea. He started frantically rubbing his soles against his soft carpet whilst Silver hurriedly brushed against Marvin’s waist, where he could see a lot of glitter going on. Working together like this, they actually made a little progress! Marvin could see the pollen sticking to his carpet instead of his feet, and Silver could see the pollen coming off Marvin’s waist.

‘I-Ihihi thihink ihihit’s wohohorkihing!’

Marvin giggled, starting to feel the first hints of relief as the pollen left his skin, and Silver beamed down at him, glad that there was some sign of reprieve. However… the pollen wasn’t quite finished with the magician yet. As Silver leant back, satisfied that Marvin’s midriff was pollen-free, the magician suddenly froze. Before Silver could ask what was wrong, he let out a mighty scream-laugh and started kicking his legs in the air.

‘AHHHHAHAHA OHOHO GAHAHAHAAA!!’

‘Marv? Marvin what is it, what’s the pollen doing?’

Silver looked over him curiously, knowing of course that the pollen was tickling him terribly, but couldn’t quite figure out where this new bout of tickling was focused! At this point the poor magician was laughing hysterically, his hands flailing about and exhibiting little golden sparks as he squeezed his eyes shut. It was the most ticklish sensation he had ever felt in his life, and it took him a few moments to be able to catch a big enough breath to tell Silver what was happening. But he managed it.

‘MY TOHOHOHES!! IHIHIT’S IN BETWEHEHEEN MY TOHOHOES!!’

Silver’s eyes widened. That explained it. From having gone to a pedicure with Marvin in the past, Silver knew that Marvin went ballistic from even the softest touch in-between his hyper-ticklish toes… so the pollen’s tickling must have been utter madness! Silver knew he couldn’t try and rub it away, he’d only tickle Marvin even more! The hero was just utterly dumbfounded.

‘Uhh… oh jeez uhm… I-I don’t know what to do!’

‘HEHEHEHEHEEEELP!!’

Silver gulped at Marvin’s squeals, and held his hands softly as he tried to give him a reassuring smile.

‘I-It’ll be okay! Uhh- oh your magic! C-Can you use your magic to get rid of it?’

‘I-I CAHAHAN’T FOHOHOHOCUHUHUUS!!’

All Marvin could think about was how ticklish he was. The sensation was… pure madness! It was as if a thousand miniature acrylic nails AND electric toothbrushes were tickling in-between his toes, and no amount of scrunching or kicking could stop it or make it less intense. There was intense tickling, and then there was this. It wasn’t just on a whole other level, it was in a whole new realm of tickle torture! Marvin had tears streaming down his cheeks as Silver thought and thought and thought… and then gasped.

‘HOSTY! I-I can get Host to narrate it to stop!’

Marvin’s eyes widened – a glimpse of hope at last.

‘Y-YEHEHES YESYESYES GOGOGOGOHOHOHO!!’

Silver scrambled to his feet and dashed to the door, darting out of the room and running as fast as he could to his room where the author and radio host was sleeping. He tapped his shoulder incessantly with his pointer finger, wanting to wake him up quickly without spooking him.

‘Hosty, Hosty baby wake up wake up I need you!’

‘Wha-? Mmph… Silvy? Did’you just get in-?’

‘You have to come with me now c’mon c’mon c’mon!’

The Host was drowsy, and confused, and did I mention drowsy? But he nonetheless let Silver pull him out of bed and drag him through the manor, until they reached Marvin’s room. However, when they entered… the magician was no longer laughing hysterically on the floor. He was quiet with wide eyes and a soft smile, gently panting. Silver blinked down at him.

‘… you… you good Marvin?’

Marvin’s smile widened, and he let out a tired giggle as he gave a lazy thumbs up.

‘Yeheah, i-it uhuh, it wore off by ihitself. I’m ohokay.’

‘Oh thank frick!’

Silver sighed loudly, clutching his chest with relief as Marvin slowly sat up, smiling bashfully and full of embarrassment. Needless to say, the Host was confused.

‘What… what am I missing here?’

Silver opened his mouth, about to explain, when a new voice came from the doorway – a similarly drowsy voice.

‘Why are you two in here instead of spooning me?’

Host and Silver turned, and giggled when they saw Yandere, hair all messy and lips formed into a soft pout. Marvin grinned, rubbing the back of his neck bashfully as he piped up.

‘Ahh, it’s kinda my fault.’

Then came the explanation, and Host and Yandere soon understood everything that had transpired and – just like Silver – thought Marvin was just so damn sweet! Yandere sighed at the magician and helped him up from the floor, neatening his hair gently as they beamed.

‘Oh you silly hunny bun, c’mon, I’m gonna get you some lotion to soothe your skin and then you can have a sleepover with us! We’ll help you with that polleny bedding of yours tomorrow, okay?’

‘Thahanks Yanny.’

Marvin beamed, and giggled at the soft shoulder nudge he got from the Host as Yandere took him out of the room. The Host then sighed softly and grinned at Silver, before kissing him on the forehead and teasingly whispering.

‘Trust you to try and get first dibs on that pollen. Did you have a late-night lee mood darling?’

Silver blushed a deep red and spluttered indignantly.

‘Wha-no! I-I was helping him thank you very much!’

Host laughed warmly, before he nuzzled and kissed Silver’s cheek.

‘I know darling. As always, you are the most kind and dedicated hero.’

Silver giggled bashfully, and let Host lead him back to their room. Soon they were joined by their sweet Yandere, and their newly adopted magician, and settled down for a night of well-deserved rest and cuddling. Once again, with this glorious collective of egos and friends and lovers and family, the wildness of tickling has brought them even closer together. And I can tell you right now, that’s never going to change.

WOOO HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE THIS FIC, LEMME KNOW IF YA DOOO LUV YOUS!! 

[mchiimii]

Jamais Vu | BTS [Twenty-Six]

➜ Genre: Fantasy; Fanfiction

➜ Tags: fluff; angst; alternate universe; Alice in wonderland AU; flower shop AU; reincarnation; magic; soulmates AU

➜ Rating: Teen & Up Audiences (T)

➜ Pairing: BTS x Reader/Reader insert

➜ Warnings: swearing

➜ Word count: 2.4k

➜ Notes: Phew. This chapter has been in my drafts since the day I uploaded the 25th. Anyway, hope you liked it! The upcoming chapters might be a little heavy so brace yourselves for the rollercoaster. There are still many stories to tell and unravel and I think this will be a great opportunity to delve into Yuna's previous lives and encounters with the guardians.

I'll explain the rest next time so see you there!

Coma-Trance

ᵐ ��ᶦˢᵗ | ᵖʳᵉᵛⁱᵒᵘˢ | ⁿᵉˣᵗ

"A shadow?"

Jimin and Taehyung nodded.

"Then why didn't you stop it?" Seokjin interrupted.

After the oracle received a call from the goblin, the wingless angel and the former moon rabbit persuaded the sandman of the red kingdom to gather at the Magic Shop's lobby in the mortal realm. The six of them occupied the spacious interior to discuss the matters they need to resolve.

"We were unsure at first because we might have mistaken it as someone else." Jimin continued, "I was busy welcoming the guests to know it fully. Taeh already left the tea house to guard the shop instead when suddenly—"

"—An ambulance came to take her mother to the hospital," Taehyung interrupted abruptly.

"So you just watched her?" Hoseok sat on the sofa of the Magic Shop's lounge between Namjoon and Jungkook. He crossed his arms over the other and rolled his eyes frustratingly. He should have been in his kingdom doing his chores when the White King and the Reaper called him for an unexpected mission. It seems like the dream guardian is starting to feel impatient with all the heavy workloads.

"Yes. We did," Taehyung blurted. "But, I don't think it's necessary to interfere with her fate just yet." he shrugged.

Jimin agreed as he sat on the sofa near the center table. "Plus, if the shadow wasn't Yeomra's, then why was there a mishap?"

"That's true." Taehyung sat between Jimin and Seokjin before leaning on his back while fiddling with the emerald ring on his pointer finger. "If it didn't radiate intense negative energy, I wouldn't say it was his shadow. But it did."

"Bottom line is, you assumed it was his," Namjoon mused, "Which I think is hypothetically correct, considering that it might have brought an ill-fated omen. Were there any hints that you could've missed before we track her down?"

Jimin hummed, "A woman accompanied her to the hospital. Probably a witness."

"Or someone Yuna knows," everyone looked at the guardian who was silent the whole time. Jungkook exchanged glances with the five of them quizzically. He cleared his throat and then uttered another word that is enough to support the goblin's speculation.

"One of her friends could be the witness," Jungkook added, "If we want more answers, we should interrogate them."

Namjoon snapped his fingers, "Alright. We can assign an appropriate task for each of us. Someone who can interrogate the witness and track down Yeomra."

"Wait, you forgot something." Namjoon glanced at Jimin.

"Should we also look for Yuna?"

Hoseok laughed. "Didn't you hear? That seraph brought her to God knows where."

"Yoongi has her too..." Jungkook's doe eyes sharpened at the thought of the Cheshire cat. He scoffed once he broke the gaze he shared with the other guardians.

"But, shouldn't you also be capable of knowing her wellbeing? She's your maiden, remember?"

"Nah, I bet that pussycat knows a lot about her. I wouldn't be surprised if he knows something we don't know, especially if he meddles with the deities daily." Hoseok bitterly spat with a scornful expression.

Seokjin rolled his eyes at the Red King's insensitive tone. With a deep exhale, he glanced at the uninterested grim reaper with a light smile. "When it's something that concerns the human, it's either you or the Cheshire cat. Now that she's your maiden, you have no other choice but to take over the task that she's involved with."

"Can we all finalize the agreement already? I have more things to do."

"At least be nice for once?" Jimin questioned the Red King who happened to flick his middle finger at the flower guardian.

Jimin tightened his fists and was ready to haul an aggressive action when Taehyung held his arm to stop him from starting a fight with the embodiment of wrath. The flower goblin softened his grip and composure to ignore the Red King instead.

"Confronting the deities is the least he can do," Taehyung said as he was referring to the grim reaper. "If it's about rebellion, then it's Jungkook."

"Maybe if you could be more open-minded, try to re-think the situation, and be less impulsive with your actions," Jimin added.

"Easy for you to say."

"Well," Namjoon chimed in, "This isn't the right time to be petty. Unless you all want to perish in Underland."

Hoseok scoffed, "Which side are you on?"

"Neither. I didn't call you here to provoke us so stop with this bullshit."

The Red King pushed his tongue in his inner cheek with his mouth slightly open when Namjoon glared at him. Instead of bullying one of the guardians again, he fondled his rings in boredom.

"The least we can do is confront the higher-ups to defeat the vengeful spirit. It will be difficult if we don't."

The rest agreed except Hoseok and Jungkook. Namjoon looked at the youngest to see if he agrees but still had no response. The oracle called his name again and that's when Jungkook finally responded. He simply hummed with no follow-up remark and dared not to utter a word to finally end the meeting.

Nonetheless, each of them was given an assignment. As expected, Yoongi will be in the Hanok village with the deities where the human is currently recovering. Jungkook will be visiting them while Taehyung and Jimin will be at the hospital to interrogate the witness. On the other hand, Seokjin, Namjoon, and Hoseok agreed to find Yeomra—well, partially on Hoseok's side because he insisted on protecting Wonderland.

Although he's the most powerful yet the weakest, Namjoon refrained from arguing with him again. Perhaps, it would be best if a guardian stays in their realm to look over the kingdom and the spirits.

After all, guarding their realm will prevent another mishap from happening.

Meanwhile in the Hanok Village...

The camellia flowers twinkled and bloomed in the morning. A jacket of snow embraced its body; its petals smiled brightly at the rising sun. March has arrived yet the chilly, dry winter season stayed in the first week of the month. Maybe by April, the spring flowers will blossom in the morning. A variety of blooms will replace the colors of the meadows; creatures will traverse the captivating platform. The whole season will be decorated with floristry and flamboyance.

That is if the curse never prevailed.

With the situation at hand, springtime will be delayed to make time for the withering season in the month of dispersion.

Snow flowers painted the pathway of the village. The striking hues grew prominent in the snow-covered village. Not all flowers charmed the visitors with their beauty because for a moment, the field of blooms had one particular sprout that looked dull and almost lifeless.

"Is she alright?"

The feline crawled just beside the unconscious female on the bed. The Cheshire cat frowned at the sight of the helpless human. He softly touched her face with his paws to caress her gently. Yoongi glanced back at the seraph with eyes glowing green. He asked him a question again but the angel could not answer him.

The fate deity hovered her hand over the human's face to spectate her wellbeing. She moved her hands around her features slowly, her fingertips glowing in pink. With a deep breath and a frown, Mari clicked her tongue and then shook her head. She glanced back at the cat and spoke.

"She has the oblivion curse."

Yoongi gazed back at the human with the softest expression he could muster, "Yeomra probably hexed her."

The wealth deity groaned as she bitterly locked eyes with her sister. Who knew that a simple modification of the fate string could lead to an awful turn? "Look what you did. You made her life miserable. If her soul avenges, she won't enter the Afterlife."

The deities of nature started tattling and muttering words enough for the fate deity to hear. Mari, on the other hand, decided to ignore them by watching the human sleep peacefully despite the noises.

"I hope the gods ban her from using her magic."

"Why not ban her from entering the gates of heaven instead? After all, she deserves it."

"Hey, isn't that a little harsh? You might get banned too for speaking ill to her."

The flower deity suddenly stepped forward to look at the injured human. She did the same thing with her magic to check her state. However, when the growing noises from the bickering deities grew loud, she flicked her wrist and ceased her magic for a moment.

"Enough!"

She glared at the three squabbling goddesses of wealth, river, and mountain respectively.

"We came here to help the human not noise around for a petty quarrel. If you all want a place to pick up a fight, then leave this place immediately."

Once the noises completely died down and silence finally reigned in the room, the flower deity received an apology before she continued what she was doing.

She closed her eyes and focused on her breathing. Once her hands gleamed white, she opened her eyes and began rising from the ground. As her magic comes to a halt, the deity could not overlook the human's situation when she already had a glimpse of Yuna's fate. Her feet touched the ground softly and she was brought to the present once again.

"She won't be waking up soon." the flower deity looked at Yoongi with a small frown contorting her face.

"Yuna's under coma-trance, a state of prolonged slumber. The memories she will encounter becomes a hindrance to entering her present conscience. We cannot fully determine the length of her slumber because once she embarks on the pieces of her past, her soul will transfigure into a different character. She needs more time to recuperate her physical and mental well-being by venturing into the memory lane."

"How did this happen?"

"It's..." the fate deity looked at the cat with a worn expression on her face.

"It's because of the Smeraldo flower and the Tree Memoir. The flower recuperates her from the oblivion curse while the tree reminds her of the memories she once held. These memories are connected to her previous lives when she encountered the guardians before or after the divine punishment. The memory lane gives enough time for the recuperation."

Yoongi looked down at the female's face. He rested his paw on her face again and sighed. If she's experiencing slumber, then that could be one thing. He's the dream guardian, maybe he can do something with ensuring her safety if he couldn't stop the trance.

"Then I'll enter the dream realm."

The deities looked at him concerningly. The fate and the flower goddesses heaved a deep breath before interrogating him.

"You cannot simply intervene with her subconscious or else she won't make it on time!" the wealth deity interrupted.

"I'm willing to accompany her."

"But you're not her maiden. A simple lip contract is not enough." another deity spoke.

"Who says I'll do a contract?" Yoongi's eyes gleamed green again as he was ready to jump off the bed to leave. "If I can't interfere with the events, then she won't be my maiden. She can't call my name for help even when she's in danger."

"Then what will you do?" the mountain goddess asked.

"I'll be there if she wants someone to talk to."

"Someone, to talk to? Are you crazy?" the river deity laughed. "You can't interact with her or else things will only make it hard for her."

"Actually..." the fate deity spoke, "He can interact with her before she enters a new world. The coma-trance allows you to stay in the memory hub to rest for a moment. Yoongi may stay there with her but he cannot give any clues related to the memory she will encounter, especially if he suddenly remembered something."

"Look who's talking. Thanks to you, a lot of misfortunes happened." the wealth deity argued. "It's not a reasonable excuse." she eyed the cat with a stern look, "What is even the difference between talking to her versus waiting for her? Either way, you can't protect her."

The flower deity nodded, "She has a point. Entering the dream realm will be risky for both of you. You can't simply interact with her because you want to. Attachments may change the flow of events. It will affect the way she deals with her stories."

For a second, a pattern embroidered the clouds in the sky. The sun hid behind the overlooking patches of billowy clouds that gathered together. The wind blew a cold breeze the moment a visitor entered the village. From afar away, a towering man walked by the snowy pathway towards the entrance of the Hanok. He wore his usual headpiece, dark outfit, and combat shoes that made his steps loud. He approached the doorway with a cold demeanor after seeing the spirits of the immortal realm. With hands stuffed in his pockets, the grim reaper eavesdropped on their conversation.

Their noises grew audible and clear as he entered the room. Surprisingly, no one saw him lurking in the shadows to listen to their topic. The three deities' backs faced him while the seraph sat near the window. The two other goddesses stood beside the bed where the human slept peacefully. Consequently, the angel exchanged words with the cat on the bed to express his concerns.

Their unexpected visitor scuffed beside the three busy females where he can be easily recognized. The river deity felt a sudden shift in the atmosphere caused by the cold ambiance the grim reaper brought. She glanced to her side and gasped upon seeing the youngest guardian's arrival.

"Jungkook? What are you doing here?" Yoongi locked eyes with the grim reaper. The grim reaper disappeared for a moment before a blue, glittering smoke appeared in front of the two deities and the cat.

Yoongi looked surprised upon seeing the grumpy guardian settle his feet on the house of goddesses. He always held a grudge with them and seeing him up close in his dominating demeanor implied an unusual reason.

"I believe you came here solely for the human," he sat on the bed with eyes sparkling with curiosity. "Rest assured that she's safe but—"

"We need to talk."

Yoongi remained unfazed at his blunt remark. The goddesses started whispering again, something about the infamous guardian. Jungkook ignored them, still eyeing the feline on the bed.

"What do you want to talk about?" he chimed.

"I want to talk to you alone."

The Cheshire cat exchanged glances with the fate deity. After hearing Jungkook's response, he signaled Mari to leave along with her sisters and the angel.

That's when the plans mayhaps turned a little different for both of them.

ᵐ ˡᶦˢᵗ | ᵖʳᵉᵛⁱᵒᵘˢ | ⁿᵉˣᵗ