#t1: my god

[rcsplendent]

closed starter — luciana holland. ( @classiqcals ! )

he feels like he's been walking for days — his legs are numb, his arms ache, his head swims. he's seen — so much blood, so much pain, in the past few hours. it's difficult to see himself as lucky, surrounded by the sound of weeping coming from the injured & the sight of ghostly pale skin among the unconscious. regardless of it all, he feels a bone-deep imperative to get back — to return to her. he's got the arm of an injured guard around his shoulder as the group limps through the woods in a solemn parade. an eerie silence fills the air as they break through the treeline & approach the courtyard — those waiting for them hold their collective breath, before it all shatters into wails of relief & horror alike, once the palacegoers see what has become of the search party. rome, slowed down by his companion & therefore towards the back of the group, scans the crowd as he approaches. he spots her after what feels like an eternity, & after he gingerly lets go of the guard & sends him off with a nurse, he moves towards her like a moth to light. " mio dio — i'm so sorry, darling, " he says on an exhale as he envelopes her in a crushing hug, his exhaustion finally making itself known — his entire body sags & his eyes slip shut, muscles trembling from the amount of physical effort he's been exerting. " i'm so sorry i'm late. "

[miichiyochin]

family

[stuffedsand]

the pair to my last question!! hello hello again milgramblr, i hope youre not tired of my silly little questions yet

Out of the 6 Innocent prisoners in trial 1, who would you have voted Guilty? This is without any knowledge of trial 2, so disregard kotokos attacks, shidous doctoring thing, kazui defending others etc etc, focus only on trial 1. Who's T1 innocent do you disagree with the Most?

[linagram]

𝚔𝚎𝚒'𝚜 𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚊𝚕 𝟹 𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚞𝚕𝚝𝚜!

Prisoner 005, Sanada Kei, is officially voted..

Guilty! (55%)

According to the verdict system, he should be able to come back home safely, but him being a murderer will become known to everyone and it will be up to the outside world to judge him

According to Her decision, he should *e**** *** **e***i****.

Thank you for your participation.

.. / .... .- ...- . / .... .. --. .... / .... --- .--. . ... / ..-. --- .-. / .... .. -- .-.-.-

[tyrannuspitch]

@lokiinmediasideblog that's intriguing, i haven't heard of GDT being (potentially/almost) involved before!

i am just extrapolating here based on very little, but i feel like an mcu asgard that wasn't technologically "advanced" might lead to a fundamentally different story - like, i feel like the tech/scifi angle is pretty tied to the idea that asgardians Are Not Gods, nor on any level spiritually/metaphysically different from humans, they're just people from a different place, culture, and circumstance... which is in turn key to how the films go about deconstructing/subverting myth and the whole imperialism/ethnic supremacy theme...

of course, you could absolutely do something different and equally interesting! but god it would be SO different. hmmm...

[atlasrot]

been stuck in this circle of hell for weeks thinking about 05,10 parallels(?) . i cant even begin to explain everything i've been cooking (abstractly)

[lckboys]

no one speak to me about dplus kia

i have perceived it and now i’m simply going to ignore it

[fillinforlater]

Monday of Appreciation: Part 103

Hello everyone, Smite here!

It's award season, MAMA is literally right around the corner and there is a fuckton of snow outside right now. Hell yeah, what a time to come back and revive this series for another installment. Those of you who are still in NNN (respect, but also, you're lying, aren't you?), I dare you to read all of these smuts... not only those NNN themed, but also those quickies that make you -blast- just like that.

-1-

@capslocked: facesitting ft. Yujin

Caps to-go, what else could I say that describes the brilliance of this writer. He is the master of long form smut, mostly focused on one idol, intense interactions and build up and then so many fucking sex scenes, you'll lose your mind. There are rumors that a lot of people need a laughable amount of tries to get through the entire thing. Ehm.

Not for this one, like I said: Caps to-go, but the quality is still great. Also Yujin :floshed:

-2-

@ggidolsmuts: Post-match Activities ft. Heejin

My postmatch activities usually include turning off the TV in disappointment, rarely in triumph (LFG, T1), but a horny cheerleader right in my locker room would spur me on to do any sport, even fucking golf. Heejin in that outfit needed to be written and this Ddeun piece can be enjoyed even if you are short on time lol

-3-

@essentiallyleaf: belly bulge kink with Wonyoung

A very cute, heart warming set up for a big, fat finale right in Wony's pussy. God, to see her abs deform while you pound into her - good call though, to bulge her throat first. How tf do y'all do NNN again?

-4-

@oakparchment: No Nut November with Itzy

How would you fare if you desperately wanted to do NNN while being in a relationship with one of the Itzy girls? Well, this short "list" lays it out quite well, though I'd be a lot more pessimistic for you:

YOU WILL FAIL

-5-

@dnd-writes: Boulevard of Broken Dreams Pt. 1 ft. Kiss of Life (TW)

Eyo, I prompted that fic though I did not expect it to go so overboard and become this cruel, gut wrenching, yet eerily hot fic. All I wanted was to slap Natty's Na-titties, but it ended in ice dildos and overblown punishments. Not really complaining though. TW for non-con.

-6-

@sinswithpleasure: Hard And Fast, Just The Way They Like It ft. Dayeon, Hikaru

Did... did I write that? Really, that felt like a Maemi inspired BFH for Kep1er hotties, but it's out of the feather of Sins. Fricking Sins? Yeah, I'm so in, you have no idea how quickly I clicked on that and confirmed I wasn't in some fata morgana paralysis thingy. Very hot!

-7-

@capslocked: mutual masturbation ft. Wonyoung

This is Day 2 to Caps' kinkvember... but you probably knew that because it is fucking Wonyoung without really fucking Wonyoung, but it actually is and it is so hot.

Have a good week y'all, stay safe and be excellent to one another and every stranger <3

[chosetherose]

Updated as of 6/30

The Eras Tour *Surprise Songs*

Taylor said her goal is to not repeat each show’s surprise songs so I thought it would be fun to track them as the tour goes on! Black strikethrough is included in the main set list. Purple strikethrough are included in the main set list but have been switched up at some show/s. Blue songs Taylor played but might be repeated due to messing up.

Taylor Swift

Tim McGraw (3/17) • Picture to Burn • Teardrops on My Guitar (5/5) • A Place in This World (4/22) • Cold as You (4/23) • The Outside • Tied Together with a Smile • Stay Beautiful• Should’ve Said No (5/19) • Mary’s Song (Oh My My My) • Our Song (3/24) • I’m Only Me When I’m with You (6/30) • Invisible (5/20) • A Perfectly Good Heart

Fearless

Fearless • Fifteen (5/6) • Love Story • Hey Stephen (5/14) • White Horse (3/25) • You Belong With Me • Breathe• Tell Me Why• You’re Not Sorry (4/21) • The Way I Loved You • Forever & Always (5/13) • The Best Day (5/14) • Change • Jump Then Fall (4/2) • Untouchable • Come In With The Rain • Superstar • The Other Side Of The Door (4/28) • You All Over Me (6/3) • Mr. Perfectly Fine (6/16) • We Were Happy • That’s When • Don’t You • Bye Bye Baby • Today was a fairytale (4/22)

Speak Now

Mine (5/7) • Sparks Fly (5/5) • Back To December • Speak Now (4/13, Taylor restarted part of the song but did not confirm it could be played again) • Dear John (6/24) • Mean (4/15) • The Story Of Us (6/17) • Never Grow Up • Enchanted • Better Than Revenge • Innocent• Haunted (6/9) • Last Kiss • Long Live • Ours (3/31) • If This Was A Movie (6/23) • Superman

Red

State Of Grace (3/18) • Red (5/21) • Treacherous (4/13) • I Knew You Were Trouble • All Too Well • 22 • I Almost Do (6/9) • We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together • Stay Stay Stay • The Last Time (6/16) • Holy Ground (5/27) • Sad Beautiful Tragic (3/31) • The Lucky One (4/2) • Everything Has Changed • Starlight • Begin Again (4/23) • The Moment I Knew (6/4) • Come Back… Be Here (5/12) • Girl At Home • Ronan • Better Man (5/19) • Nothing New • Babe • Message In A Bottle • I Bet You Think About Me (4/30) • Forever Winter • Run • The Very First Night • All Too Well – 10 Minute Version

1989

Welcome To New York (5/28) • Blank Space • Style • Out Of The Woods (5/6, Taylor confirmed it might be played again) • All You Had To Do Was Stay • Shake It Off • I Wish You Would (6/2) • Bad Blood • Wildest Dreams • How You Get The Girl (4/30) • This Love (5/13) • I Know Places • Clean (4/1, Taylor confirmed it might be played again, 5/28) • Wonderland (4/21) • You Are In Love • New Romantics

Reputation

…Ready For It? • End Game • I Did Something Bad • Don’t Blame Me • Delicate • Look What You Made Me Do • So It Goes… • Gorgeous (4/29) • Getaway Car (5/26) • King Of My Heart • Dancing With Our Hands Tied • Dress • This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things • Call It What You Want • New Year’s Day

Lover

I Forgot That You Existed • Cruel Summer • Lover • The Man • The Archer • I Think He Knows (5/21) • Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince • Paper Rings (6/23) • Cornelia Street • Death By A Thousand Cuts (4/1, Taylor confirmed it might be played again) • London Boy • Soon You’ll Get Better • False God (5/27) • You Need To Calm Down • Afterglow • Me! • It’s Nice To Have A Friend • Daylight (6/24) • All of the Girls You’ve Loved Before

Folklore

The 1 (replaced IS multiple shows) • Cardigan • The Last Great American Dynasty • Exile with Bon Iver • My Tears Ricochet • Mirrorball (3/17) • Seven (spoken, 6/17) • August • This Is Me Trying (3/18) • Illicit Affairs • Invisible String (replaced by T1 multiple shows) • Mad Woman (4/15) • Epiphany • Betty • Peace • Hoax • The Lakes (6/2)

Evermore

Willow • Champagne Problems • Gold Rush (5/12) • Tis The Damn Season • Tolerate It • No Body, No Crime • Happiness • Dorothea • Coney Island (4/28) • Ivy • Cowboy Like Me (3/25) • Long Story Short • Marjorie • Closure • Evermore (6/30) • Right Where You Left Me •It’s Time To Go

Midnights

On 4/14 Taylor changed the rule: ALL SONGS ON MIDNIGHTS MAY BE REPEATED. I’m adding the dates to the midnights surprise songs but they will remain in black text since they can be repeated.

Lavender Haze • Maroon (5/26) • Anti-Hero • Snow on the Beach (3/24) • You’re on Your Own, Kid (4/14) • Midnight Rain • Question…? (5/20) • Vigilante Shit • Bejeweled • Labyrinth • Karma • Sweet Nothing • Mastermind • The Great War (4/14) • Bigger Than the Whole Sky • Paris • High Infidelity (4/29) • Glitch • Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve (5/7) • Dear Reader • Hits Different (6/4)

Other

I don’t wanna live forever (6/3)

[justhereformilgram]

yo I watched the recordings of the live MILGRAM hallucination shows (t1 morning and t2 evening) and. It’s incredible?!

Notes:

Es: costuming is Perfect. So very stoic. Wonderful!!

Haruka - yo… Shun Horie… the emotion in his song is so intense and sad he sounds like he’s actually going to cry ):

Yuno - the voice drama and mannerisms were PERFECT, loved the switch up later on into coldness

Fuuta - he’s so tall HELP but his mannerisms were quite fitting, energetic and aggressive. Good vocals but that’s like. Well.

Muu - she sounds so happy and truly reminded me Muu is a whole schoolgirl

Shidou - yoooo the voice actor / actor went hard on him, especially in Triage. He’s really devastated about his dead wife and kids!!

Mahiru - sadness.. surely she’ll be there trial three if there’s another show

Kazui - so charming and his gestures during the songs are so incredibly fun!! The mask hand and the cigarette hand is so iconic

Amane - the voice is so cute! But oh my god Purge March. In the live version it’s so much more angry and desperate and aggressive, like a growl more than a song near the end. Incredible!!

Mikoto - idk how this guy does it. You can so clearly hear what is Mikoto and what is John. Interestingly enough, here, John sings the lines “All I wanted to do was Dream, know me as an honest man” when in the MV it’s the softer Mikoto

Kotoko - YEAAAAHHHHHHHHH she’s so cool

And some fun little gesture drawings. Kazui has the most because he’s so jazzy. Also he may be my favorite.

Edit: I FORGOT TO MENTION THEY SING UNDERCOVER ALL TOGETHER AT THE END!! it’s incredible

[purgemarchlockdown]

I- god- I need to talk about how Milgram as a system makes you assign who the "worst" is out of the cast. Which one doesn't seem guilty for the actions? Which one didn't have a good enough reason? Which one is most dangerous? Which one is the scariest? Which one is the most Deserving of punishment? Which one Deserves Support the Least?

When Milgram asks who deserves to be forgiven and who shouldn't be this is what they mean. This is why Jackalope insists that you can vote for any reason. This system is Built to find the "Worst One" and Punish Them.

ES SAYS THIS IN AMANE'S T1 VOICE DRAMA:

Es: Don’t make me laugh. I’m not your teacher at school; it isn’t my goal to teach you things or guide you on the right path. Milgram’s goal isn’t to turn you back into decent human beings and get you back into normal society. What is needed here is firm, honest judgment and decisions.

Es: Milgram's goal is not to help people, but to judge them "firmly" and "honestly."

It is NOT a coincidence that they are saying this in Amane's T1 VD. Y'know, the same character whose cult punishes them unjustly and unfairly under arbitrary and often unreachable standards.

And look- I get that they committed murder. That is indeed a crime, that is indeed a horrible thing to do.

However, there is an Underlying Theme here that is being explored! If this work was just about what was murder and who actually committed murder this series would be over by Trial 1 and characters like Mikoto, Amane, Haruka, would be guilty and also Dead.

Milgram is actively making us engage with this System of Punishment and find out that No, it actually isn't that easy to prevent the evil from hurting the weak. That people get hurt in this pursuit of justice. That this black and white system of punishment Does Not Actually Help Anyone!

And this is such a cool and interesting part of Milgram that I wish people we're more willing to engage with! I wish we, as an audience, we're more willing to accept that Our Judgement Hurts People. That this is a part of the experience of engaging with the musical murderer series that asks the audience if their willing to forgive or not.

(And I also wish the risk of people attacking me for this is a lot lower but ah well.)

[miichiyochin]

champs | T1

[milgram-tournament]

MILGRAM Best Song Tournament, Round 1, Match 3 THROW DOWN vs. THIS IS HOW TO BE IN LOVE WITH YOU

Propaganda for both options under the cut!

Propaganda for THROW DOWN:

silly point is that throw down was my top song for this past year and i havent even been into milgram that long so. good song. also i sang it on stage once so. anyway

Flower imagery!!!! god i love flower imagery

the vocals are good

it has a banger es cover too

"ethics are a delusion" is singlehandedly the funniest line to come out of the t1 songs

the mv is SO pretty like. holy shit

the first note constantly jumpscares me

also i like the clock sounds in the background of the verses

the instrumental,,,,

throwdown is just a really nice. calmish song that still has the whole desperation thing conveyed through his voice props to va for that cuz its relatively subtle but really adds to it imo

im reiterating that ethics is a delusion is the funniest thing to me

also i really like the bridge (the whisper part)

irrelevant to the song itself but i like his fit in throw down i'd wear that irl

gardening/pruning as imagery is so fun for a surgeon character

also vocally i just really like throw down its calm sounding yet theres a hint of like. desperation? despair? in his voice and thats really cool to me

---

Jackalope's note: Only one propaganda piece... hmmhehe. Well, I'm glad our resident pretty girl got tons of asks! But I feel a little bad about Shidou, so let's let him argue his case at least! Oi! Shidou! Get over here! Oi! Sheesh, it's like he can't even hear me! This is why I need to send the reminders early...

(mod's propaganda: While I love both songs very much, Throw Down has a special place for me in that I can actually sing it. You sing way too fast, Mappi!! I also just think using flower imagery both made the MV one of the prettiest ones we have yet and helped distance both the viewer and shidou himself to the reality of his sin... I also really like the ethics is a delusion bit lol)

Propaganda for TIHTBILWY:

okay so like the thing im most in love with: the VOCALS!!!! this song has an absolutely AMAZING singer and AMAZING vocals!!!! the way the conversational talk-singing lines still feel so musical!!!! the cute cute cuteeeee mahiru voice!!!! it brings you so much energy!!!! its a song sung with so much love!!!! mahirus va brings such an amazing feel to the song with such amazing talk-singing!!!! its very skillfully done and it happens in i love you too!! mahiru songs r the QUEENS of musical talk singing

the silly phone call bit. kurururu~!

the little vocal flourish and the way her voice raises up like an excited exclamation in the final prechorus!! daijoubu nante kirai DA!

its such a fast song but everything flows so well!!!! it makes it feel so bright and cheery and peppy!!

the instrumental is so underrated just LISTEN to that catchy bass line thats so pretty in the verses!!!! no for real even if u dont vote this is how to be in love with you go listen to the bass line in the verses it works to move both the song and the listener forward at mahirus sweeping breakneck pace. and the cute keyboard sounding and synth instruments!!!! its SUCH a danceable song!!!! i cant listen to it without bopping along in my seat

the way the ominous bits are subtly hidden? it all sounds so cute but there are just these Things that she sings that are really kind of concerning and unhealthy when she sings them!! and the veiled desperation to be in her relationship- listening to that and the cheery tone and breakneck, quick song pace, it really does represent mahiru SO well. she throws in all these little bits that just go noooo teehee the relationships just fine!! when it REALLY isnt

i would listen to mahiru talk for hours

the MV!!!!!! HER FASHION SENSE THE MAGAZINE STYLE!!!! the magazine style especially works so well with her character!!!! its so cute and stunning and just looking at it you have a blast. also her birdcage!!!! her birdcage and the bright orange and the pink bars!!!! the way everything desaturates and becomes more sickly looking when she wakes up at the end!!!! its such a happy carefully curated and designed dream and then it drains away!!!! also god all her outfits are stunning. mahiru call me

the way she sings "overheat de~!" cutest thing in the WORLD.

the little faces she makes!!!! godddd shes so expressive

actually the whole songs so expressive!!!! shes putting her all into it!!!! her words have so much expression in them!!!! once more praising mahirus va the way her voice can soften and become bright or subtly desperate so quickly is MASTERFUL control of expression when singing and its so underrated. join me in being insane over miho okasaki delivers her lines. shes such a perfect mahiru.

funniest es cover. hands down. funniest es cover.

this is how to be in love with you is FREE serotonin!!!! free energy right there!!!! this is how to be in love with you sweep!!!!!

---

-The song is so cheerful!! I always feel like dancing and singing when this one comes up in my playlists!! Absolute banger, mood definer, kicking sadness in the shin with those high-heels and then hitting its face with a cute purse -THE HIGH-HEELS STEPPING TO THE BEAT OF THE MUSIC IN THAT ONE SCENE (0:50). SIMPLY ICONIC. NO ONE DID IT LIKE HER. -👠💅👝👗 -She is slaying. Look at her outfits. She put so much effort there. She gave it her all. Absolutely serving. -SUKITTE KIMOCHI WAKATTA TSUMORI? NARA KONO MAMA FUTARI O-VA-HI-TO- DE -The storyline of the mv MAKES SENSE and you can form a COHESIVE TIMELINE OF EVENTS (unlike other unspecified contestants' mvs you know 🙄) -look at herr 🥺 she beby 🥺 all she did was love too much 🥺 we all love mappi don't we 🥺 she deserved more let her win this pleease 🥺 -No medical malpractice happened in the making of this mv 👍

---

I care so much about This is How To Be In Love With You- it's visuals are brilliant in the ways it conveys its themes and narrative. I'm never normal Ever about the "Love as marketing" symbolism that is brought in by the use of magazines. It's a lovely upbeat song but the Horrors are Always Lurking under it, the breakup Ritual line is my Favorite Line cause its so horrifying but its said so casually and its so good oh its so good-

[ryuseiired]

mahiru. 12.

im expecting this to be an answer that requires a read more. go, autism boy, go. talk about mahiru and all the ways people sleep on her character

I LOVE YOU. YOU KNOW ME SO WELL. right. yeah here we go. i Do have thoughts. on this one.

12. what do you wish would be discussed more often about them in the fandom?

ok. well first off. i think we should just talk about mahiru more in general because i love her. but here is my biggest thought on What Exactly Some People, Especially Not On Milgramblr, Are Sleeping On About Mahiru: there's a lot of talk about her murder case, and that's great, but... i think a lot of the things that really draw me to her as a character and to her case tend to slip by people on account of the way milgram likes to- as kazui shows us in cat- keep it simple, victim and perpetrator. but i think trying to understand her better also gives a better understanding of where exactly things did go wrong in the relationship that put her in milgram.

the rest of this answer where i elaborate more will, in fact, be under a cut because you are right that i have an essay locked and loaded on this and actually this turned into a mahiru analysis/theory post by accident i meant to answer mostly normally but unfortunately i'm not normal about mahiru shiina.

let's talk about this is how to be in love with you. can we talk about this is how to be in love with you? i'm dying to talk about this is how to be in love with you. and god, its english name is a mouthful, i understand why some people just go with calling it ai nan desu yo.

obviously (hopefully) we all know mahiru getting guilty voted over this mv was absolutely fucked and unfair. i'm still mad about it. especially because i think that if you look at this is how to be in love with you (and her interrogation questions from its trial) in particular (as well as some other stuff), it says a lot about mahiru as a person, and in turn about her crime.

it's easy to miss underneath how friendly and cheerful she is with the other prisoners, how she seems like such a social butterfly, but... i don't think mahiru actually had a lot of connections other than her boyfriend, and i think this is a big factor in what happened with him. mahiru... seems lonely. like her life is... very empty. and i don't see people focus in on this fact a lot, despite how her first trial voicelines even say as much:

there's nothing left without him, and at least if she's here she can talk to es and the other prisoners. mahiru's interrogation questions paint a picture of someone who doesn't really have a lot in their life. when asked in t1's interrogation if there's someone she can confide in, mahiru's answer is the lady who works at the beauty parlor she goes to. this doesn't seem like the answer of someone who has close friends to talk to instead, at least to me. like. that's not... you'd think if she had friends she felt she could talk to, she'd have mentioned that here, right? that'd be the place to mention any close friends?

in this is how to be in love with you we see her spending days off at cafes alone, and she tells us about having hobbies that are generally solitary, we see her reading in the mv and interrogation reveals that prior to milgram her hobby was watching dramas. she tells us in interrogation that growing up, she was a sheltered girl. she also appears (taken from this is how to be in love with you) to have recently arrived in tokyo, meaning she may not know a lot of people there and has probably moved away from most of her family (though she does mention attending a relative's wedding).

i think part of the problem is that when mahiru meets her boyfriend... she doesn't appear to have much in the way of anyone else. mahiru is social, mahiru loves talking to people, mahiru doesn't really know how to act without copying others... and her boyfriend is the only person she's close with. she appears to be relying on him for almost all of her social connection.

as i just mentioned, she also has the habit of copying others, incessantly. the infamous "i'd smoke if my lover did too" interrogation answer, and again, the text in this is how to be in love with you...

(transcriptions into english from here!)

see the things that jump out here? "even though i'm just copying everyone else in everything. is that the right thing to be doing?", "i thought to buy the same bread he did", "i wasn't really thinking when i blurted out "me too", so now we run together". you can see this in the lyrics too. "i'm going to start relying on you if you're kind to me, so please forgive me!"

i think these are key traits in why her relationship went the way it did. i don't think mahiru is uniquely "toxic" or too needy/clingy in a way that means she can never have a relationship (and god, don't get me started on how i've seen people say this). i think she's obviously a highly social person, and was in a situation where she was relying on one person (assumedly with lower social needs than her) to fulfill all of her need for that. i think she's horribly anxious about losing that connection and having to be alone again, and she doesn't know how to deal with it other than to constantly (and annoyingly, disruptively) ask for reassurance. i think she bases herself on others and ignores her own desires in order to imitate them and/or do what they want, and if her boyfriend also didn't have a particularly strong sense of identity and/or also wasn't the type to stand up for himself, it would be really easy to get sucked into this horrible loop where you're both trying to copy and please each other and now you're both constantly putting aside what you actually like for the other person and neither of you are happy.

except mahiru is happy, or... she thinks she is, because she's happy to give herself up for love. she says as much herself: "we fought sometimes, i was happy to get hurt." but... there's something else in the lyrics, isn't there? "i pretended to be a good girl, i don't want to be "ok"". my take is that mahiru isn't getting what she wants/needs out of the relationship, and knows it on some level. but she isn't going to leave him, either, because she's decided this is true love and also if she did that she'd be alone again. so she hopes something will just change instead, or convinces herself that she is satisfied. but she's not. near the opening of this is how to be in love with you: "i guess we can just say that this feeling is happiness, i can't stop feeling like there's something missing." so she keeps pushing, she keeps trying, and... well. we know how that ends.

so after all this rambling, what's my point, exactly? i don't think either mahiru OR her boyfriend were any sort of perpetrator. nor were either of them a victim. i don't think the relationship fits neatly into that framework, even though milgram judged mahiru a murderer and her boyfriend to be her victim. i think there's a reading that doesn't need any of that: two people who seemed to get along well and have similar interests who got into a relationship, and who were actually incompatible in their deeper needs in a relationship. mahiru clings to this relationship despite this, because she needs it. because she can't be alone again. because having a boyfriend who fails to fulfill what she wants/needs is better than having nothing.

neither of them are bad people, nor (from what we can see and from my opinion on it) did either of them do anything particularly wrong. what makes the most sense to me is a competing access needs sort of situation. mahiru needs reassurance and a lot of attention/interaction (especially from a romantic partner, something she idolizes having because of how special you're supposed to be to each other!), while her boyfriend needs more space than what she's giving him... but mahiru, at least, definitely doesn't want to break up. so eventually, they end up in a situation where he feels there's only one way out.

i think this lens can be supported by what we see in i love you, too! note lyrics like "this can't go on, something's got to give", "why won't you just accept me", "mon-mon-monstrous, cuz i love you so much". and...

here's something else she says in i love you: "i don't need anyone else, as long as i have you." but the truth is... mahiru does need other people. the truth is that one person can't fix the underlying issue that mahiru is desperately lonely and has very few connections in her life. the truth is that it's incredibly unfair to rely on one person to fulfill all of your needs and to desperately insist upon staying in a relationship just to avoid being alone, and mahiru realizes this too late.

so. um. i've never really seen anyone else talk in too much detail about an interpretation of the character/situation like this. i see a lot of "they were both toxic" but i think that's a kind of weak simplification of it, you know? what is "toxic". it's bad, obviously. do we think they're bad people doing bad things, or just that the relationship was bad? is that "toxicity" inherent to them as people, or could things have gone better in a different relationship? are they both "toxic" or are they just both stuck in an incompatible relationship where neither of them are wrong but they are unable to meet each others' needs?

i don't know. it's 4am and i've been writing this for two hours and i'm honestly not sure if it's coherent or not. but to end this here's another footnote of something i cant stand people sleeping on about mahiru: she is so stupid forgiving of literally everything and it kind of kills me and i dont really see anyone else point this out as being a bad thing that could get her really hurt. like. she forgives kotoko for almost killing her and says she doesn't resent anyone for anything. she puts up with anything, as seen by what i mentioned about her desire to stay in the relationship with her boyfriend even though it was obviously not giving her what she needed and it was hurting her too! i think if mahiru had ended up in a relationship with a different guy, it would be entirely possible for her to be in an abusive relationship and refuse to leave it because of this particular tendency. and i don't see this mentioned much. probably because, again... mahiru's framed as a perpetrator. she killed her boyfriend, right? so obviously she's not the one who'd be hurt in a relationship.

ok. i'm done now i promise i am so done with this for real. um. if you read this whole thing thank you. i'm sorry it's so long or if it's incoherent in places. i just have a lot of thoughts about mahiru shiina

[polarmary]

Rating MILGRAM shoes because- what are those?!

Inspired by a post I stumbled upon talking about Kotoko's T1 shoes I decided to go to check all of them and rate one by one both the drip and how pratical they are for a prison. (This is satire please guys don't cancel me over shoe opinions)

1-Haruka Sakurai T1 Shoes

Ok....bro has that psych ward drip. Honestly they look comfortable for a prison, I'll give him that. 7/10

T2 Shoes

He's not even wearing one of them- how did I never notice that. He clearly doesn't know how to tie the laces either but anyways, still comfortable and to be honest, I like the shoes. He loses points for not wearing one of them so- 7/10 (Mu teach this poor kid how to wear shoes pls)

2-Yuno Kashiki T1 Shoes

Typical school shoes, not bad but still boring, they also start to hurt after a while. I've seen how you dress girl, come on you can do better than this..... I'd say 4/10

T2 Shoes

(Why did she have to split her legs so much....have one of them) There was an upgrade i guess, it's more stylish but still uncomfortable to stand on for days on end in a prison. 4/10

3-Fuuta Kajiyama T1/T2 Shoes (man didn't even bother changing shoes)

What are these bulky ah shoes.....I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and say they must at least be comfortable since they look like sports shoes. (can we talk about those socks tho-) 6/10

4-Muu Kusunoki T1 Shoes

Ok first of all, who the fuck goes to a prison and wears high heels?! Like- out of everything you could wear, you use the LEAST comfortable or pratical choice possible?? She really said slaying first, comfort second alright..... 3/10 im not sorry

T2 Shoes

.......I'm not even going to say anything.......it got worse. 2/10

5-Shidou Kirisaki T1 Shoes

Uhm...ok grandpa shoes i guess.....still comfy tho. By themselves they don't look bad but with the actual fit- my guy what the fuck where you thinking.... 5/10

T2 Shoes

My guy really looked at Kotoko's T1 shoes and thought they looked cool. Still better than hers but thats for later. What on earth are even these tho, they are like crocs but with normal shoe soles??? He's clearly one of those guys that get dressed by their wives and can't do it by themselves because jesus.... 4/10?

6-Mahiru Shiina T1 Shoes

Ok, nails done, I see you. Grandma shoes mixed with platform shoes.....she's smol so I get it. They actually look comfy but what about winter girl- 7/10 No T2 because.....well....wheelchair (txs Kotoko)

7-Kazui Mukuhara T1 Shoes

What are these shoes, they have belts on the side?? thats a belt right- From the front they look like fisherman boots, what is this man wearing. At least they don't look uncomfortable. 6/10

T2 Shoes

Alright he got comfier, very solid. I'd wear those in prison, 9/10 great upgrade Dad!

8-Amane Momose T1/T2 Shoes (dam girl change a bit)

School shoes same as Yuno but this ones.....I've worn that and god do they fuck up your toes.....Is she ok? 3/10

9-Mikoto Kayano & John T1/ T2 Shoes

Ok my guy Vans i see you, he went for the comfy option but the color....could be better. 8/10 But can we take a moment to talk about how John can't tie shoe laces??

What is that- He's going to trip on that thing and fall face first on the floor. Those look one step away from unlacing.

And finally, the one that started it all,

10-Kotoko Yuzuriha T1 Shoes

(again, what are those socks) I don't even know what these are supposed to be?? Are these a normal version of those beach sandals or something?! They look ugly as hell (god that random ass circle on the side- it looks like a black and white pokeball tho) and uncomfortable too. 1/10 burn these things (you are lucky you are hot)

T2 Shoes

Now we are talking, the biggest glow up ever!! They are literally just military security boots, go off queen, slay (perferably not literally, we've seen that enough) Comfy, fashionable, she can step on me with those- wait what? 9/10

[lustspren]

THEY FUCKING DID IT. T1 FUCKING DID IT.

T1 ARE THE WORLD FUCKING CHAMPS. ZEUS MVP. I'M FUCKING SCREAMING RIGHT NOW LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

KERIA DESERVES THIS MORE THAN ANYONE. OH MY GOD.

FAKER WORLD CHAMPION FOR THE 4TH TIME. GOAT. ABSOLUTELY GOAT.