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Testosterone Thursday
#sensible-tips#FTM#F2M#female to male#transgender man#transgender#trans man#transgender men#trans men#transgender boy#transgender boi#trans boy#trans boi#non binary#enby#transmasculine#transmasc#transmasculine men#medical transition#T#testosterone cypionate#T side effects#FTM health#FTM wellness#HRT#Testosterone Thursday#testosterone enanthate#subq T#acne
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I've seen some posts lately talking about the lesser-known side effects of T, so as somebody who's been on it a long time (more than twenty years), I'm gonna offer forth a list of things I wish I'd been told when I started it! This was originally written up for a Discord server I'm in.
--Changes come simultaneously slower and faster than you think they will. You'll feel like you're noticing differences 24h in, some of that is the placebo effect but a few things really do start happening that fast. Some changes take a LOT longer--years. --Nobody really talks about this, but the older you start, the more time certain changes will take, and some effects may be reduced. The biggie here is voice after 30. --GO TO A SPEECH THERAPIST. Again nobody really talks about professional voice training for transmasc folks, but it's very important. T does change your physical vocal cords, and it's important to make sure you're speaking correctly in order to prevent damage as they change. Quadruply so if you sing at all--even if it's just in the shower and the car. Plus, seeing a speech therapist will help maximize the changes you get, if that's a concern. But really: voice health is important, take care of it! --T WILL change your gut health. Estrogen levels and hormonally-linked conditions like PCOS and endometriosis are notorious for wreaking systemic havoc on your GI tract. If you have issues already, chances are T will improve them, and it will feel like a god damn miracle. Even if you don't have issues, I'd highly recommend finding a good daily probiotic and starting to take it 3-6mo before you start T. It will help even out the gut biome changes. Be prepared for unexpected stomach sickness (constipation and diarrhea) regardless. --T changes your metabolism. It's very likely this will have Effects for whatever other meds you may be taking. Be prepared to have to mess around with doses. If you're on any psychiatric meds, be prepared for some really funky mental state changes. You may experience emotions previously only perceivable by shrimp. This is 'normal,' tell your doctor. --HAIR be prepared for hair. It will be growing out of places you didn't know you had places in. The hair on your head will grow faster. This is normal. Shaving is an essential skill for people with T. --If you experience feminizing effects, PLEASE TELL YOUR DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY. The most likely reason is that your dosage needs to be adjusted, but there is a medical condition which will convert T into E. It's rare but it does exist.
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i thinkit would be cool if there was an omegaverse but for salmon instead of wolves. Like when the time comes certain members of society get really juicy musclewise and get yiffy fangs and are suddenly compelled to return to the neighborhood they grew up in and 96 hours later show up barefoot in full starvation mode and ravaged by walking through interstate traffic to fuck whoevwr smells the best in the local burger king. Then afterwards they die and disintegrate to be eaten by seagulls in the parking lot
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#bc i sometimes still get period pains but w/o the bleeding n i still much prefer it to the opposite option#< its a normal side effect of the way im taking t its fine#polls
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New Longstar AU - The Final Countdown or Four Once More
-Prologue-
Thunderclan is in mourning – Hollywish is presumed dead, and the traitorous Sol hasn’t stopped his wheezing laugh at every waking moment. Purdy is horrified that the cat he once considered to be a friend has done such a terrible thing, but begs Longstar to not kill Sol on the spot – he can’t eat, and seems to have gone mad. Swiftpool, as the mother of the victim, is given the final word. She demands that Sol be left where the Twolegs will find him – let them decide his final fate, she sobs into Crowfeather’s fur.
Flamewish and Longstar mourn for days with their grandkits, leaving Brightheart to govern for nearly a week, with Mousefur backing her up. Eventually Mousefur drags the leader and his family out of their mourning – Sol wanted to break you, don’t you DARE let him win!
(The Twolegs bring the injured and babbling Sol to a vet, who sends him to a cat rescue. The poor thing has some kind of brain injury, and his poor tongue is nearly gone. Sol spends his final days as the thing he hated most – a pampered Kittypet – but his mind is too far gone to feel anything.)
(Brambleclaw looks for the spirit of Hollywish, wanting to keep her from Starclan, but is blocked from the tunnels by winding vines and sharp leaves. A cat ghost, all drenched and freezing, drags the injured molly deeper into the tunnels – he will protect her from the stabbing claws that pry at his safe haven.)
Windclan is in mourning with Crowfeather – Hollywish was a beloved ally! Breezepelt and Heathertail reminisce about her, while their mate Antfur nods along, but his mind is elsewhere…
Shadowclan is in mourning – Hollywish helped save Blackstar from Sol’s manipulations, only to lose her to those same powers? What a tragedy. Goldenheart, Dawnpelt, and Embertail make her a little shrine deep in the marshy territory, where no one will disturb it.
Riverclan is in mourning – Hawkfrost and Mothwing are near inconsolable. And to top it off, Leopardstar has been getting sicker and sicker lately…and the otters have been getting restless – the lake water has been slowly dropping…
(The Miretrees celebrate a victory – one Prophecy cat is dead! They are one step closer to victory! The disgraced clan cats are joined by the collared Kittypet dead and a few loner gheists, each and all reveling in their depravity. But in the shadows, several figures huddle quietly. They know that the Visitor will be back tonight, and one by one they slink away. At a secluded hollow - the sight of a quiet and unassuming death of a long ago murderous Healer, name now long forgotten – several Dark Forest cats meet with a group of regretful kittypets spirits…and the Visitor descends like a Star from the sky…)
(In Starclan, Yellowfang and Bluestar have a spat – Bluestar forbids Yellowfang from interfering with her living kin, and Yellowfang is having none of that. My great-grandkit is missing, the Dark Forest is trying to devour us all, and you want us to BACK OFF?! ARE YOU INSANE!? It takes the combined strength of Nightstar and Runningnose to keep Yellowfang from physically fighting the former Thunderclan leader, but they convince her to guard her family closely – and they will help her…)
(In the city, the Hope’s Rest Clowder is preparing for war. The Stars have spoken of a battle coming for the Clans, and that the Clowder will be needed to defend them. Pieces of discarded Twoleg trash are crafted into armor with clever paws. Battle plans are discussed, discarded, and reworked over and over. Darkstripe and Sasha are training with a group of younger cats when a clamor rises at the entrance to their settlement. The Healer Twoleg sits outside, closer than they’ve ever ventured before, with a sack of some kind. Sasha peers out, and the Healer Twoleg reaches into the sack…and deposits more of the armor pieces that the Armorers desire, but already trimmed of sharp edges that would catch and cut the wearer, and with bristles attached to make attacking the wearer difficult. Sasha makes eye contact with the Twoleg – and sees a cat spirit wrapped around the Twoleg’s shouders, batting their head against the Healer’s ear. The Twoleg and Sasha exchange blinks of trust, and the Clowder cats marvel. Darkstripe begins dragging the armor in – it seems the Stars have given them one more ally.)
(At the Barn, Ravenpaw and Barley see a Ghost wind around the legs of the Farmer, who bends down and holds them like a Queen holding a kitten. The voice of Redtail echoes from behind the pair of Barn Cats – the Dark is rising, and All must fight; for if the Dark wins, All souls will be lost, not just cats…)
-Apprentice Tales-
Moons have passed, and the nursery kits are ready to become apprentices. Ivykit and Dovekit are being groomed by Birchfall and Whitewing, and the kittens joke about poor Wormkit being groomed by both his parents Ashfur and Flyshadow. The kittens are summoned by Longstar, and he ceremonially asks them what Roles they have chosen (even though he asked them earlier, it’s important to the Clan to announce it like this – Ivykit thinks it’s silly but obliges anyway).
Ivykit chooses to be a Hunter, and Ivypaw is apprenticed to a surprised and delighted Charheart. The pair touch noses, and Ivypaw promises to not let her down. Charheart quietly insists that Ivypaw will make mistakes, but so will she, and they’ll learn together.
Dovekit, with her partial hearing loss, is apprenticed to Jaywhisker to be a Tracker, with Snowthorn there to provide support. Dovepaw bounces on her feet, and nearly headbutts Jaywhisker.
Wormkit wants to be a Crafter AND an Herbalist too, so is apprenticed to Goldenflower, with Fireheart providing Herbalist teaching. Goldenflower bestows a woven legband for Wormpaw to wear, which he immediately starts fidgeting with.
Their first task? To bring water to the Clan, as a drought has been ravaging the territories. Dovepaw swears that she can hear Riverclan arguing about the otters taking all the fish, but Wormpaw jokes about her “selective hearing” and Ivypaw bats at his ears until Jaywhisker separates them. Dovepaw looks over the slowly draining lake, and hears faint chewing noises in the distance…
Spiderleg and Berrynose get stuck in the mud on their own water patrol, and Thornfur leverages them out with a large stick. Wormpaw pokes at a dead fish, and gets jumpscared by Rainstorm…who then ALSO gets stuck, and feels humiliated that Thunderclan had to save him.
Later, after a long day of training, Dovepaw lays quietly, and does not hear the ghostly pawsteps that trod closer. She only sees a flicker out of the corner of her eye, and assumes it’s Ivypaw. She tells “Ivypaw” that her hearing isn’t working right now, so can she just sit by her for a while? When the cat leaves, and actual Ivypaw walks in, Dovepaw is confused, but the sisters sit in peace, and Ivypaw watches her sister’s back.
(Bluestar grumbles at not being heard, but is distracted by Yellowfang pointing out her hypocrisy – oh so YOU can visit the living but I CAN’T? Eventually Bluestar admits to feeling useless, and Yellowfang comforts her – if we don’t help them together, we all fall.)
Some time later, Dovepaw confides in Jaywhisker that she’s been hearing some strange noises upriver, and swears that sometimes she SEES brown animals blocking the river with trees. Jaywhisker has Issues with this, and with the help of Lionblossom, talks to her about the Prophecy – and that she’s probably part of it now. This sends Dovepaw into a panic attack, and she flees to Ivypaw, who threatens to slap the answers out of Jaywhisker, respected clanmate or not. She gets read into the Prophecy, and vows to protect her sister. Dovepaw tearily tells her that Ivypaw is her favorite sister, and Ivypaw ruffles her fur, I’m your ONLY sister dummy! Unless we count Wormpaw as our bonus boy-sister. The two laugh and embrace – and Jaywhisker and Lionblossom have a bittersweet moment of memory with the fragile image of Hollywish…
(In the tunnels, Hollywish crouches by the underground stream. She fishes out a juicy lost fish, and the soggy form next to her congratulates her.)
Lionblossom feigns having a vision, and Hawkfrost confirms that the brown creatures must be Beavers – he’ll get the otters involved in helping. A patrol with members of each clan heads out – Jaywhisker and Lionblossom, Ivypaw (strictly to help Lionblossom) and Dovepaw from Thunderclan; Hawkfrost, his otter friends Weed and Log, Rippletail and Petalfur of Riverclan; Sedgewhisker and Whitetail of Windclan; and Smokefoot and Goldenheart of Shadowclan. Jaywhisker, Lionblossom, and Goldenheart chat about their apprentice days, Rippletail boasts about how he’ll kill a Beaver, and Petalfur scolds him for his arrogance, and Ivypaw and Dovepaw learn some Otterspeak from Hawkfrost.
Unfortunately, Rippletail is lost in the fight against the Beavers – Ivypaw tried to stop him, but he shoved her aside and leapt basically into the mouth of one of the creatures. Weed, Log, and Sedgewhisker avenged him, and the dam was broken, but Ivypaw still felt useless. She couldn’t save him – and Hawkfrost breaks through her thoughts. He chose to do that – Rippletail was a good fighter but he made a poor decision, and that’s not on you! Sedgewhisker chimes in, you did what you could, but in the end it was his time – I only hope that his spirit is at peace…and if he shows up here I’m boxing his ears for idiocy, Petalfur scowls tearily. This does cheer Ivypaw up a bit, but she still saw violence, and her heart aches…but she curls up with a shaken Dovepaw and they share their fears together.
The Patrol returns to the lake refilling, and split off to their respective Clans. The four Thunderclanners are welcomed back with open arms, and Ivypaw is treated to her mentor’s reassurances after hearing the story. Being back on Thunderclan land brings Ivypaw’s confidence back up, and eventually she’s back to her old self, if a bit more thoughtful.
-Dark Forest Rising-
A few nights after the group returns, a heavily pregnant Poppyfrost, acting as a surrogate for Berrynose and Honeyfern, asks Lionblossom to escort her to the Moonpool – she’s been having nightmares about losing her kits. He obliges, but once they’re within sight of the pool, a cat attacks them. The molly, eyes heavily scarred over and mouth dripping, slashes at Poppyfrost’s side, but hits Lionblossom’s shoulder instead. He strikes at the stranger’s throat, and his paw comes back coated in black and foam, but she backs off. Poppyfrost makes it to the Moonpool, but Lionblossom calls out a warning – another cat is leaping at her! But this cat is thwarted by the timely appearance of Berrynose and Honeyfern, who saw Poppyfrost wasn’t in the Nursery and were concerned. The mates charge at the attacker and strike as one, and the coward flees into the evening, leaving behind bits of feather and shreds of heather. Only then does Lionblossom realize that his shoulder is torn open, and that the gunk coating his paw has vanished. At camp, Poppyfrost comfortable in the Nursery, he talks to Jaywhisker, who remembers the old stories of Brokentail…something horrible is happening…the Dark Forest cats are escaping the Mire…but their conversation is interrupted by Poppyfrost going into labor!
(In Windclan, Antpelt returns to camp injured, telling everyone to watch out for a very angry Hare. Heathertail puts new heather in his fur, and Breezepelt finds him a new feather to wear.)
(In the Dark Forest, Brambleclaw gathers beautiful flowers from the scene of a long-ago crime, and plots on how to bring his next trainee in…a jealous sibling should be no problem to him…)
Some time later, Dovepaw tells a dozing Lionblossom that someone is going to the Moonpool. He takes a look, and sees Mothwing and Mistyfoot. He sighs, and goes to Longstar – I think Leopardstar died Gramps. The next morning it is confirmed by a visiting Hawkfrost – Mistystar has risen to power.
After a series of failed hunts and trainings that left her despondent, Ivypaw throws herself into sleep, and wakes in a strangely bright meadow – no sun in the sky, and odd depressions in the tall grasses. But she is distracted by the appearance of a large and well decorated tomcat, who asks if she needs some help. Thinking it’s just a weird dream, she asks for help training, and the stranger obliges. The next morning, she tries one of the moves on Charheart, who asks where she saw such a move? That’s very advanced but seriously, who taught you that?
Ivypaw, freaking out, tells her about the tomcat and the meadow – Charheart freaks out, and the pair head straight to the Healer’s den. Darkmoon sees their distress and calls for Longstar and Fireheart, who were chatting with Mousefur. The situation is explained, and explained again to Dovepaw and Jaywhisker and a very confused Wormpaw. After hearing everyone trying to figure out the Dark Forest’s next move, Ivypaw surprises herself by offering to be a spy. There is arguing, but after vowing to call on Yellowfang for help if she needs it, Ivypaw becomes a Dark Forest Trainee…
A huge storm sweeps through camp, and to the horror of all, a tree falls onto some fleeing cats! Mousefur is gone in an instant, and Briarpaw’s back is broken by a branch – not to mention Ashfur’s bruises and Coldlight’s crushed tail tip! Millie is distraught, but is reminded of Feathertail, and of how she survived a broken spine! Graystripe vows to help his daughter in any way he can, and Longstar decides to promote her – and her siblings – for their bravery evacuating the camp. Briarlight, who had already been training to be a Camp Guard, breaks into tears at her ceremony.
Dovepaw is awoken one night by a brown cat, claiming to be Onewhisker. He says Shadowclan is planning an attack on the borders, and Dovepaw relays this to Longstar the moment the spirit leaves. A battle patrol quite literally runs into a patrol on Thunderclan territory, and a fight ensues. Someone shoves Jaywhisker from behind, and his claws catch on the tender throat of Russetfur. Everyone breaks apart, and Jaywhisker wails in horror when he realizes what happened. Back at camp, Dovepaw describes Tiger”star” to a horrified Longstar. But it’s far too late to stop what’s happened… (Starclan is in crisis – how did Tiger”star” sneak through to Dovepaw!? Bluestar finds a crack in their defenses, that makes her suspect more…)
-Plans Coming Together-
(In the city, the Twoleg Vet Tech gathers bandages, stitches, anything she might need to treat mass wounds. The ghost of her childhood cat Nanigans perches on her desk, purring softly. She had talked to her grandfather, who had his beloved Barn cat Sweet Pea show up, and he’s been preparing to help as well. When you start seeing cat ghosts, ghosts that the suspiciously smart neighborhood cats see too, it’s time to start worrying…)
At camp, Lionblossom treats the wounds of the patrol, while Darkmoon and Fireheart try to calm Jaywhisker. He’s retreated into a ball in the corner of camp, and it takes his mother to pry him out. He yowls in grief and horror, and Swiftpool takes him to a quiet place in the territory, to let him grieve. Dovepaw covers her ears – her hearing is now flinging from nonexistant to too much too loud with little warning and no time to adjust.
Jaywhisker, resting fitfully in camp, is woken by Charheart. You don’t look too good, and something big flew over camp – maybe you need a walk? He agrees, and the pair scare off a small owl. They walk in silence for a time, but then they are interrupted by a call – Embertail. He looks devastated, but asks Jaywhisker what happened to Russetfur – some of the Brawlers are saying you did it on purpose, but…I don’t believe them. Please, what happened? Jaywhisker, supported by Charheart, lays out the events, and Embertail sighs – that sounds like a total accident! Oh Jaywhisker I’m so sorry – I’ll talk to Blackstar about it. With that, Embertail wishes the pair farewell, and heads off. Jaywhisker leans on Charheart and thanks her for the help. Of course, silly, what are friends for?
(In Shadowclan, Redwillow seethes. How DARE Embertail step in like that – Russetfur’s murder was all planned out, another wedge between clans, and then this?! Redwillow seethes, and in the Stars, Russetfur thinks hard.)
Ivypaw and Dovepaw have their first real fight a few days later, Dovepaw insisting that Ivypaw stop her spying Right Now – look what they did to me, think of what they’ll do to you!! Ivypaw snaps back, well maybe if you’d thought to double check who you were talking to, MAYBE your mentor wouldn’t be traumatized, and someone wouldn’t be dead!!! They stalk off away from each other, but at Wormpaw’s insistence, talk over their issues a few days later. Wormpaw asks Goldenflower if there’s a role for helping cats get along, and Wormpaw starts even more training with Darkmoon, to see if he wants to also be a Therapist.
(Dovepaw keeps running into Goldenheart on her patrols – not on purpose, but it just. Keeps. Happening! After a while, it becomes less annoying and more funny, but still…Starclan why?)
(Bluestar chuckles, not seeing Yellowfang behind her with a scowl.)
In Shadowclan, Blackstar, Embertail, and a sickly Littlecloud go to the Moonpool. The spirit of Raggedstar advises that the clans stay apart, but Embertail argues that if the clans were closer, maybe Russetfur would still be alive! He then crouches in shame for speaking Like That to a Starclan Spirit, but the laughter of Yellowfang gives him confidence. Russetfur herself appears, and tells Blackstar that she will wait for him, her chosen brother, but to also stop being a pompous idiot and be social.
(Nearby, Juniperclaw watches silently. Perhaps it’s time someone visits this interfering Seer…)
Ivypaw wakes in the Dark Forest, and on her way to train, she stumbles through a new place – the edge of a raging river in a storm. She sees paws in the water for a moment, too small and horrible to think about, when she’s startled by a massive tortie molly, all flapping throat and rippling fur, emerging from the waves. The molly advances on her, blurbling words just out of hearing, and Ivypaw backs up – right into Brambleclaw and his thorns. Brambleclaw tells the molly, Mapleshade, to back off, but his voice is unsteady. Mapleshade laughs like a drowning bird, and vanishes out of the stormy clearing.
Ivypaw, seeing an opening in Brambleclaw’s armor, starts praising him. Obviously tricking her sister was HIS idea, because it was so good! He eats it up, and brings her to training. As she trains, she sees a white cat, half coated in ice, weeping sleet. They make eye contact, and Ivypaw sees pain in his eyes, but also regret…that’s new. Eventually, she sees Tiger”star” talking to Goldenheart, and when she wakes, Longstar is Very interested in the regretful cat, and asks her to keep an eye on him. Lionblossom and Jaywhisker are horrified at Goldenheart’s appearance.
It's Leafbare, and Jaywhisker has been cultivating his friendship with Embertail. They’re sliding rocks on the frozen lake, when Jaywhisker hears an ominous THUNK beneath them, followed by cracking. Embertail falls into the water, but is quickly hoisted out by Jaywhisker and Dawnpelt. But even after he’s treated, even after he’s warmed, Embertail won’t wake up…
(Mapleshade drags the blank-faced spirit of Embertail to the Miretrees, something like a smile on what remains on her face…)
Ivypaw is greeted that night by Mapleshade, who drags her along with her sodden tail, and shows Ivypaw the drowsy spirit of Embertail. K I L L, says the monstrous molly, but even as Ivypaw reluctantly lifts a paw, Goldenheart charges into the scene and bowls her over. They argue, and Mapleshade just laughs, until she sees that Embertail is just gone! The trainees scramble away from the furious tortie, and Ivypaw hisses that she would never hurt Embertail. Goldenheart thanks her, and the two part ways.
(A silvery tom with biting beaks in his neck helps a faceless, gurgling tom guide Embertail away. The white frozen cat is waiting at a hollow tree, and the Visitor ushers Embertail to his body. The Seer awakens, dazed and confused, with no memory of anything after the ice.)
Then Icecloud falls into the tunnels. Jaywhisker and Charheart both huddle together, experiencing some very nasty emotions, but Icecloud is freed and the tunnel opened. Lionblossom does NOT find his sister within, but instead a tuft of fur, and crushed holly leaves…maybe, just maybe…Hollywish is alive?
(In the background, Icecloud lifts the apprentices spirits by placing a betting pool on when Charheart and Jaywhisker will start dating. Ivypaw confides that Charheart thinks that they are, but Dove giggles and says that Jaywhisker has no idea. Wormpaw suggests maybe a betting pool on when Jaywhisker figures it out, and a deal is made.)
-Times Are Changing-
None of the apprentices expect what comes next – Longstar calls them to receive their adult names! Ivyleaf is named for her rapid growth and sheltering nature, Dovewing is named for her adventurous spirit and kind nature, and Wormwood for his steady and dependable nature. Their vigil is calm, and their sleep sweet…except for Ivyleaf…
(That night, she fights Antpelt, and when he tries to help her up, Broken”star” attacks him. That night, Heathertail wakes to something sticky in their shared nest, and her horrified screams wake Breezepelt, whose yowls join hers quickly. Antpelt lays between them, so bloody he looks like a different cat altogether. Kestrelflight rushes to treat him, but it’s far too late…)
At the next Gathering, Goldenheart tries to flirt with Dovewing, which is a surprise, but Bumblestripe steps in and Brightheart has to break it up before a fight starts. Wormwood is asked about Briarlight by Grasspelt, who promises to come for a visit, I mean if that’s okay? Ivyleaf thinks it’s sweet. She finds it less sweet and more annoying when Goldenheart tries to get time with Dovewing and Ivyleaf has to distract Bumblestripe.
Lionblossom begins to experience strange dreams, of being a cat named Lion’s Roar, and hearing the voices of cats from said dreams coming from the mountains. Knowing that this is important, Lionblossom asks for Longstar to assign him a patrol to go check it out – he asks for Graystripe and his family – including Briarlight - and Foxflight and Shrewleg. Frostfoot asks to go as well, and the patrol prepares to go.
On the morning of the patrol’s departure, Jaywhisker and Charheart are on one of their morning patrols, and are discussing the Prophecy and the Dark Forest. Charheart admits to feeling insecure sometimes, courting a cat chosen by the Stars, and Jaywhisker nearly runs into a tree. WAIT HANG ON WHAT cough cough what do you MEAN we’re COURT - oooooooonnnnnoooooo I’m a moron…Jaywhisker puts his head in his paws, I’m supposed to be the smart one HOW DID I NOT NOTICE!?!?!? Charheart please stop laughing at meeeee! Charheart, at this point out of breath from laughing, wheezes out, it’s been moons, and Jaywhisker starts cackling like a loon. The two lay there laughing for a while, but eventually DO have a relationship conversation.
(Wormwood wins the bet, and Ivyleaf, Dovewing, and Icecloud all pay up with tasty mice)
Up at the Tribe territory, Stormfur and Feathertail greet their father and siblings and stepmother, and figure out quickly that there are no problems in the Tribe! This is Great! Lionblossom offers to teach some healing techniques, and Briarlight and Feathertail bond. The mobile patrollers do have to fight off an eagle that tries to steal Swoop, but she escapes with a broken leg. However, every night they stay, Lionblossom has dreams of another time, and of a beautiful cat named Half Moon. She promises to wait for him, and when the patrol leaves the Tribe, Lionblossom sees another shadow following him. They return triumphant, with tales of eagles and a few new hunting and healing techniques.
In the Miretrees, Ivyleaf sees her father and Blossomfall training and is a little Concerned, but refuses to blow her cover. In camp, Dovewing begs Whitewing to get Bumblestripe off her back. I gave him one compliment and now he thinks we’re in love!? Mom PLEASE I’m going to slap him if he keeps this up!! Whitewing pats her daughter, and whispers she saw a molly looking at Bumblestripe like he hung the Moon, and to leave it to her…
(Whitewing sets up a little shrine in the woods, just a few stones and berry pawprints, and tells all the single mollies and toms except Bumblestripe (and warns her kits about it) that it’s a Love Shrine. That if they bring a piece of prey there at Sunhigh and ask Starclan for their blessing, that the mate they seek will appear to them soon after. Rosepetal leaves a frog on the offering stone and begs the Stars for Bumblestripe. He’s the sweetest tom she’s ever known! He brings prey to the Elders, and helps his sister exercise, and lets kits crawl all over him, and he’s so beautiful she wants to cry sometimes! He’s brave and his fur looks so soft and she wants to cover him in Courting flowers and I just want someone that devoted but aimed at me! Is that so much so ask!? She stares at the sky, sighs tearily, grabs her frog, and turns to head for camp-
-And nearly runs into a wide eyed Bumblestripe. Whitewing told him that she wanted some flowers from the meadow nearby, and he saw Rosepetal with a frog, his secret favorite prey and then she just-
-he smiles tearily, you think I’m pretty? I mean, I’m not even that attractive- And Rosepetal tackles him into the meadow with an indignant yowl, SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!! They roll down the little hill as she sputters out how his stripes are so pleasantly Shaped and his little hair tuft is so Cute and how DARE he talk about himself like that!!! They end up side by side, panting, and Bumblestripe gently turns to her – well, you’re pretty great yourself y’know. She stammers, and shoves some flowers in his face. He laughs, and she laughs, and right there, for a little while, everything is beautiful.)
(Dovewing hugs her mother tightly, I don’t know what you did but THANK YOU, he even apologized?! Mom you’re a miracle worker)
-And Now What You Were All Waiting For-
Cherypaw and Molepaw get lost in the tunnels, but are led to safety by “a shadow and a wet thing ma stop licking me I’m fINE” and Swiftpool wonders…but refuses to get her hopes up. But Dovewing hears “Somethings” down there, so she, Ivyleaf, and Wormwood go to investigate. And get lost. The three start to panic but then the Somethings Dovewing heard show up – a cat ghost, all drenched and sopping wet, and a barely there shadow with green eyes. They lead the trio to the exit, but the watery ghost has a soft conversation with the shadowy cat, who presses their head to the ghost, washing away the mud covering their face, revealing tortie spots. If it’s alright, I’ll come with you, they say, and Wormwood agrees for the stunned sisters. They know who she MUST be, but Wormwood can be a little dense sometimes…
As they approach camp, Swiftpool calls out – oh thank Starclan, we were looking everywhere for…you…
Hollywish?
HOLLYWISH! MY BABY!
Swiftpool nearly tackles the dusty molly off of her feet, wailing in joy and relief – Jaywhisker screams WHAT and charges out of camp, Charheart and Lionblossom in hot pursuit – Mistlenose running circles around her family - Foxflight screeching YOU’RE HOME and flinging herself forward, Shrewleg cheering – Longstar and Flamewish and Fireheart breaking through a crowd of gathering cats and falling into the pile – Hollywish sobbing out I’m Sorry I’m Sorry I’m So Sorry – Darkmoon yells from the edge of the mess to get Crowfeather – Snowthorn jumps in to brush against her then bolts for Windclan - in a moment or maybe an hour Crowfeather crashes in MY KIT MY KIT MY KIT - it’s chaos but the most welcome kind of chaos
Hollywish is home!
She explains what happened – the friendly Gheist, named Fallen Leaves, had saved her, but to do so had to bind her to the tunnels until her injuries would have naturally recovered. Longstar swears to build a shrine for him, so he can gather his strength again. The news spreads through the Clans like lightning – and not just the Clans…
(The Dark Forest yowls in rage – there are four Prophecy cats again! Brambleclaw is thrown about by Tiger”star”, cats are thrashing in rage – some of the oldest fading in an instant of fury. But some cats quietly celebrate – they have a better chance now.)
(Starclan cheers wildly – there are four Prophecy cats again! This makes things SO much easier! Yellowfang is crying – no I AM NOT – and somewhere, a cat quietly slips into the Miretrees again – just another Visitor…)
In a rage, Brambleclaw commands Ivyleaf to fight the remnants of Antpelt – a twisted façade of someone that she knew – someone who was loved – this isn’t him anymore. Ivyleaf destroys the not-Antpelt, the was-Antpelt, and watches it crumble like dry sand and ashes. She struts past Sunstrike and Furzepelt, refuses to make eye contact with Goldenheart, and
As soon as she’s out of their view
She B R E A K S
Ivyleaf weeps as soundlessly as she can, slashing her clotted claws into the rotted wood of an ancient tree. She heaves up everything she ate before, until nothing comes up…that had been her friend, and now he’s gone forever…and then she hears movement. She whips around, claws ready, but – it’s the white cat, with the frozen body. I’m sorry you had to go through that, he mews, but I think what I have to show you may help. My name is Snowtuft, he crackles, and if you want to stop these horrors, come with me. And he walks away.
And she follows, heart in her throat, and they pass through a far-too-familiar field of flowers. She can see that the odd depressions in the grass are where cats lay dying, and sidesteps bloody pawprints, where someone sprinted through the scene. Snowtuft leads her past Mapleshade’s river, through a tunnel choked with bones and thorns, over a Thunderpath shrouded by fog until finally, they reach a hollow in the trunk of a tree. It smells like poppy seeds and tree sap, but what catches her attention is the other cats. Snowtuft gestures to them – these are my fellow rebel leaders. We were sinners, were monsters, were horrible in life, but we want to make up for our past mistakes. This, he croaks, is Silverhawk – the silvery tabby has the beaks of birds protruding from his neck, snapping soundlessly at his face. This is Sparrowfeather – a misshapen molly with thin birdlike legs. This is Maggottail – the grey-white tom glistens with slime and his eyes bulge strangely. And this is Boulder – the faceless cat gurgles at her, ineffectively wiping his dripping spit away. Behind him sat a – a Kittypet? A brown and white collared Kittypet, unkempt and bony. I’m Dastardly Dan, Dan’s fine, that one hacks. Those lot’ve been snatchin the worst o us outta the Dark Place, but well, they ain’t th’only ones. And he gestures upwards, where a glimmer drops down and lands before Ivyleaf. She hops back but – that’s – that’s a Starclan cat if she ever saw one. Hello brave soul, the yellowy spirit murmurs, my name is Micah. And I am VERY glad to meet you.
-The True Reason and The Power of the Powerless-
And Ivyleaf learns everything that has happened here. How Micah was the mate of the first Oracular Healer, who separated their kits because she couldn’t care for them and do her Role. How he had tried to change her ruling but was overturned. How he wandered from Starclan, and found the Dark Forest, and watched it grow from the wrath and hate of a cat named One Eye. How Micah had tried to save some of the souls here, and been injured – and how a long-ago Healer, who had killed their most ill patients instead of trying to heal them, had nursed him back to health. That healer had made this hollow from the memory of their first victim, their own sibling, and hid there until Micah crashed in. And how the Healer had been the inspiration of Micah’s mission in his afterlife – to save the repentant souls that came here. The Healer had been the only one Micah had been able to save in any way – their spirit had begun to fade, and Micah had brought them out of the Miretrees and to a litter of cold kits – and they had splintered into the kits, saving their lives and being reborn.
Starclan has refused to help me, or to change their ruling on Healers having kits…but the world is on a moment of great change. When the Stars foresaw that the Dark Forest would rise up, many wanted to simply destroy the Dark Forest, and be done with it, Micah mews. But instead, I crafted a Prophecy, and gave gifts to those who would need them, and hoped for the best. And the best has happened – here you are, the brave soul that chose to enter the darkness, to save the light. You I gave no gifts, for you need no gifts but your wit, bravery, and kindness. You have what may be the most important role here –
You’re going to save the trainees. You’re going to clear their eyes. Micah pauses, have you ever wondered why your father, a loyal cat, is here? Or Goldenheart? A mire is hard to escape once entered, and the darkness has clouded their minds into believing this is Good and Right. But you came here, knowing it would do you harm, and with many to support you, so the dark failed. Some may be beyond saving, but if you bring them to me, I will clear the shadows from them.
Ivyleaf is shaken and confused, but – I’ll do anything I can to save them, she agrees. Micah smiles gently, and the gathered cats sigh in relief. Now, when you awaken, please tell only those you can trust to not gossip. And with a touch on her forehead, Ivyleaf awakens. She bolts to the Leader’s Den, waking Longstar and Flamewish, and shakes them awake. We have hope, she whispers to their astonished faces, we have hope and a plan.
(Each night, she corners a trainee, come with me, I’m giving you Special Training. She starts with Goldenheart, who hacks and heaves and shakes in horror. Her father collapses against her, begging forgiveness. Icewing and Beetlewhisker huddle together. Sunstrike tries to dash herself on sharp branches, only to be met with the strong but gentle embrace of Micah. She can’t find the hollow when she brings Redwillow, and convinces him that her training is stealth, then ditches him. She can’t get to all of them, but the time is coming. When the Dark Forest is weakened, they will see what they have done…if they survive)
-Preparations-
The leaders meet in secret, and Longstar tells them some of what Ivyleaf discovered – keeping the news of Micah’s plan for the changes to the Code and who the spy is. Mistystar is appalled but ready to begin getting the camp ready for war. Blackstar is unbelieving until Mudstar tells them how Antpelt died – clawed to death, black rotten water in his lungs, between his loving mates.
The Healers begin stockpiling herbs, and the Nursery Guards and Camp Guards begin to clear out exit routes for the Nurseries and Elders Dens. Crafters pull bark from the trees, reeds from the rivers, and scrap from the twolegs, to make armor and reinforce the walls. Brawlers sharpen their claws, Historians and Tacticians work on battle plans, and Herbalists prepare poisons and paint. Mates talk quietly, friends stick close, families promise to make it out together.
(Starclan prepares for war. Warriors draw the stars into their claws, Healers into their pawpads. Yellowfang rallies the Elders into a frenzy. Spottedleaf and Cinderpelt gather the kits and ask them to scout from above, the only place that the Dark Forest cannot reach them.)
(And a school bus, driven by a Farmer and his granddaughter the Vet Tech, draws close to the scene)
The curtains rise, the stage is set.
Lights
Camera
-Action-
The Dark Forest strikes at Shadowclan first – Graystripe and Jaywhisker lead the charge to help. The scene is chaos – Gheists everywhere, but Shadowclan is holding. Jaywhisker can smell the stench of darkness and rot, and pounces on a Mire Warrior, shredding their already shredded form. He hears Blackstar couch to life, and Redwillow screech as he dies. And he hears the familiar voice of Feathertail, with the chimes of the Stars through it, call Starclan to battle. Graystripe sobs as he attacks a skinny ghost, and hears his daughter vow to protect Briarlight.
Goldenheart and Ivyleaf fight back to back for a moment, and she sends him to help Dovewing – I can’t be her ears in this mess, go help her! If you ever loved her- but Goldenheart is already gone. She claws what’s left of the face off of a kittypet ghost, and turns all her attention to the battle.
In Windclan, Furzepaw leaps for Mudstar, and Sunstrike intercepts her. Please stop, Sunstrike begs, the Dark Forest killed Antpelt, don’t let them kill you. A furious Breezepelt slices through the back of a ghost, as Heathertail sobs over the fading corpse of another. Nightcloud and Crowfeather tag-team a dog-faced ghost, scattering them to the wind, and Hopfoot’s starry spirit joins them. Go on son, go to your kits, we’ll hold them off! Tallstar and startlingly Onewhisker leap from the skies, and Crowfeather bolts.
Brambleclaw confronts Ivyleaf, snarling about disloyalty and punishment. Ivyleaf smirks, did you really think you were in control of everyone? And suddenly the Dark Forest cats are fighting each other. Snowtuft leaps onto Brambleclaw, and Ivyleaf goes for the stake in his throat, but both are thrown off. Before Brambleclaw can do any major damage though, Hawkfrost and his otter friends attack. Hawkfrost finishes what he started before, and the otters sit on Snowtuft until Ivyleaf can coax them off.
Broken”star” leaps at the Thunderclan nursery, and Honeyfern clashes with the monster of a leader. She falls to her claws, and Berrynose screams in horror. Poppyfrost slashes at the blinded beast in fury, but it’s Yellowfang who sends her child to a second death. Honeyfern rises into a starry form, and takes up her place at the Nursery entrance. Mapleshade charges at Swiftpool, but is stopped by the timely intervention of Crowfeather. The mates slay her, but there are more and more ghosts appearing every moment…
Tiger”star” laughs at the weakened and half blind form of Longstar, I have more ghosts at my disposal than you will ever understand! Starclan will fall! The Mire will rise!
And then
A noise pierces the night.
HWONK HWONK HWONK
A massive yellow monster charges down the Thunderpath, scattering the charging Dark Forest forces. It screeches to a halt, and its side opens and
-HOPE NEVER DIES!!!-
Is screeched by the throats of the cavalry – the Hope’s Clowder cats, arrayed in thick armor and bristling with energy. They overrun the gathered ghosts like water over stones, and they are not alone. The Barn cats charge after them, swooping in on any injured cat and carrying them into the monster. The monster’s twoleg bursts out, wielding a long stick with a flattened and curved edged end, and begins swatting at any remaining ghosts with vigor. The spirits of kittypets descend like a swarm of ducks on twoleg treats, and the ghosts that the Miretrees depended on are scattered and destroyed in moments.
Tiger”star” screeches in horrified confusion, which only doubles when Darkstripe, sleek and plump, and Sasha, bright eyed and healthy, charge towards him in armor of their own. Fireheart, rushing from the camp to help Longstar, goes for Tiger”star”s dangling organs, and then the fight goes on in earnest.
And then it all
Just
Stops
Tiger”star” fades away, nothing more than a terrible memory. The ghosts of the Dark Forest and the Dark Place scatter. The friendly spirits of the Dark Forest and the Dark place gather to lick their wounds.
And Longstar and Fireheart are dying.
Flamewish crouches by them, weeping. Their children and grandchildren gather around their father and uncle. Brightheart begs Longstar to stay – she’s not ready! Everyone still needs him! No one is ready for this, Crookedstar intones, but you will be amazing my dear. And surrounded by friends and family, Thunderclan’s leader and his dearest friend pass into Starclan. They rise up together, gathering the newly dead behind them. And not just Starclan is leaving.
Dastardly Dan is greeted by the Farmer’s friend Sweet Pea, who invites him and his friends to join her. My Twoleg would love the company, and when her mate joins us, we’ll have a barn to explore! Only if we can ‘elp the others, twasnt just our lot that feel bad fer what we did. Of course, says another cat, Nanigans, everyone deserves a second chance. With a glance at Micah, who stands with the Miretrees rebels, Dan agrees, and the group of dead kittypets trot off together, past the Farmer and past the Vet, who has emerged from the monster. They disappear behind the monster, and all that is heard of them after is sighs of relief and cries of joy.
Micah steps forward, and what of these cats? What of these who want to change, to be better? They deserve a second chance as well. The gathered Starclan cats mutter and murmur, but the still-present Longstar loudly agrees. Darkstripe was given a second chance, and now look at the fine Clowder he leads! These cats deserve the chance to change! I will make a place in Starclan with my own paws if I must, adds Fireheart. And an agreement is reached. A place is made – not Starclan or Miretrees, but a place where those who desire to change may go and rest. The gathered rebels cheer, and as the living are told of this new place, the rebels begin to change.
Snowtuft ceases his constant crying, and the ice of his body clears. Silverhawk’s biting beaks become a collar of silent spikes. Sparrowfeather’s legs become sturdy enough to carry her weight properly. Maggottail’s skin looks less rotten and gooey, and his eyes shrink. Everywhere one looks, the rebels are somewhat restored. Micah, tears in his eyes, leads the group to – to the Restful Fields.
(Not everything is so terrible as the deaths and burials. Sasha is reunited with her kits, and screams in joy at the sight of her thought-dead Tadpole-now Crowfeather. She meets her grandkits and weeps in joy. Darkstripe is able to apologize in person to Sorreltail, and while they will never be close, she does forgive him. Frostfoot walks with Darkmoon, and meets his sister once again. Ruby changed her name to Smoke, and changed her nature as well. Forgiveness is had, with tears at time lost.)
And life goes on.
-Epilogue-
Brightstar surveys Thunderclan from the leader’s den, Cloudtail and Daisy at her side. She watches her deputy, Charheart, work with her former apprentice Ivyleaf and HER apprentice Hollowpaw, and wonders if Longstar approves of her choices. Daisy nudges Brightstar, and asks if she really doesn’t mind being a momma to her kits, and both Brightstar and Cloudtail snuggle her in – they’re a family now, and everything is going to be wonderful.
(In the city, things are going well. No group of rogues cat best the Brawlers or Scouts of the Hope Clowder, and their Healers are backed by the Twoleg Healer, who takes the worst cases without complaint. They stay in touch with the Barn, and often tell stories of how they all rode in a car to go fight ghosts)
(In the Dark Forest, ghosts lick their wounds and snarl angrily. But as they try to regroup, someone is watching. Someone who will use them for her own gain…)
(In the Dark Place, Quince flees from her former lackeys. Mapleshade promised her power and freedom, and now she’s back at square one! As she fumes in her hiding place, she doesn’t see the amalgam of cats creeping behind her…)
(In the Restful Fields, Micah is visited by Moth Flight. They talk for quite some time, and she finally agrees to a change in the Code. But not today – today is for rest and renewal)
#my art#hello from the void#warrior cats#warriors#warrior cats au#longstar au#new longstar au#writing#HHHHHHHHHHHH#THIS TOOK 8 HOURS AT L E A S T#setting up to post on Sunday#oof ouch my wrists#PLEASE ask me questions if something doesn't make sense#hoo boy i think you're gonna like this one#WARNING VIOLENCE AND BLOOD#we're dealing with the side effects of the dark forest#not pretty
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H
#iron leaguer#juurouta#gz#magnum ace#i have no basis for hte hc i just think he's neat (highest honor i can bestow a character etc. )#i got on t and then had to pause after 8 days due to side effects(tm) i am projecting to deal with it#(i do genuinely wonder if they have like long groan tubes tho like i've only seen shorter ones)#i think im getting better at drawing magnum ace
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The important thing to remember with Astarion is that yes, he is elegant and seductive and charming, but he's also a fuckin' weirdo, and if you have to default to one of the two, go with weirdo.
#Freaky little man with no social skills#Listen I know he lured in thousands of victims and I can see it and I BELIEVE him but sometimes#Genuinely he says things that are so off-putting and strange#(affectionate)#Probably a side effect of 200 hundred years of trauma of course#It t#But still#I love writing weirdness Astarion genuinely my favorite side of him#It's good because it overlaps with the other brilliant side of him: idiot Astarion#bg3#bg3 astarion#baldurs gate 3#Astarion#astarion bg3#astarion an#astarion ancunin
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hmmm… creeper hybrid mike…
i’m thinking about how electricity would have a much more pleasurable effect on him than painful, what with charged creepers and all… it would be like a little burst of dopamine (or pleasure) depending on how/where it’s used…
that, combined with the fact his soulmates last name is TAZER? yeah… yeah. body worship (i adore your chubby mike post more than life itself, put some meat on that man’s bones) and electricity…
- ✒️
Okay, I've never written this type of kink before but it was so good I had to finish it today. Thank you for your service o7
Mike likes to indulge Pac.
He likes making his soulmate happy; he likes it when Pac likes things. It's also a bonus when he gets something out of it.
Mike is laid back in their bed, hands tied above his head with a lapful of Pac. He's unsure what Pac has planned, but he doesn't mind either. Pac asked to dom him, so Mike let him. He relaxes against the sheets and closes his eyes. Pac's been feeling him up for a bit now. Hands exploring the dips and curves of his body, squeezing at his stomach and sides, nails digging into skin and making Mike hum softly. It's nice, a pleasant background, and a hum of pleasure. Mike can feel how wet Pac is through his boxers.
See, Mike's hybrid nature means that electricity has a pleasurable effect on him, naturally reacting to the promise of power that it brings. Mike groans softly and jerks again as Pac presses the tip against his side, laughing at his reaction. His dick twitches, and he takes a shaky breath.
He's starting to get a little bored when the first shock comes.
It shoots through his body, making him tingle and jerk in response. The pure rush of energy, of power. His eyes fly open and land on the device in Pac's hand; it's a low-energy tazer. Something Mike developed himself, made to send light shocks through livestock and mobs to get them to go where they needed to go. Mike swallows hard, Pac's got a sweet smile on his face, and Mike knows that means he's in for it.
"Feels good, Mikey?" Pac mumbles, grinding down on Mike's half-hard dick and shuddering at the feeling. Mike pouts at Pac and grinds his hips up, rubbing just right against Pac's little dick. Pac gasps and rests his hands on Mike's chest to catch his breath.
"Feels good, Paccy?" Mike growls, and Pac pushes himself up. He shifts until he's settled between Mike's legs and grins at him, eyes dilated and dangerous. Mike's body reacts on instinct, heating up and sending blood rushing straight to his dick.
Pac taps the toy a few times against Mike's right inner thigh, and with every zap, Mike is gasping and twitching. Pac is loving it. Mike can feel his arousal seeping through their link, making Mike's head feel fuzzy.
Mike isn't reactive naturally. He likes to be in control. He's rarely the one who's a gasping, whining mess. Of course, the exception is always with Pac. Pac knows him more than he knows himself. Knows every way to drag noises and reactions out of Mike.
Mike breathes, gritting his teeth and squeezing his eyes closed as Pac presses the tip meanly against the left thigh, close to his groin. Mike pulls at the binds around his wrists, and Pac coos softly, condescendingly. He drags the toy's tip down Mike's chest, making his back arch. He whines, and Pac leans down to chase the line of burning pleasure with his tongue. Mike cusses softly and his hips twitch up eagerly.
"It's good?" Pac mumbles, pressing kisses down Mike's body, surprising him every few seconds with little zaps. Mike's brain is mush, he can't do anything but pant and moan under Pac. He nods and moans when Pac presses a hand to his dick at the same time he shocks him. Mike nearly cums right there.
"Pac-"
"You look so pretty, Mike, I just want to keep you here," he mumbles, squeezing at Mike's thigh. He spends some time leaving hickies and bite marks across Mike's pecs, trailing down a bit to his stomach and sides. Mike loves it, the careful worship and appreciation. He's so hard that every shift of Pac's hand on his dick makes him worry he's going to cum in his boxers like a teenager. Mike has a sneaking suspicion that's Pac's plan. Pac lifts his head and smiles, sitting up and tapping the toy lightly across Mike's chest, following the blueprint left by his mouth.
Mike's eyes fall closed, lost in the spiking pleasure. He's dripping a sizable wet spot in his boxers, squirming and moaning unabashedly. It's what Pac wants.
Suddenly, the pleasure is overwhelming. Mike's vision whites out. Mike gasps, and his eyes fly open; Pac's got the damn thing pressed against his dick; it's intense even through his boxers. Mike moans like a bitch and cums, twitching and digging his nails into his palms to try and lessen the intensity.
"Son of a bitch!" Mike yelps, kicking out as Pac keeps the fucking thing there. Pac laughs and lets up for a second, Mike drags a shaky breath in and lays his head back. He's shaking, body still jerking and twitching through the aftershocks. His boxers are wet and sticky, his ears are ringing. Pac's mouth is on him again, hands digging into his sides and squeezing. As Mike's brain slowly comes back online, he realizes that Pac is straddling his thigh, grinding desperately. Mike shudders and presses his leg up, making Pac moan and press his face against Mike's chest.
Pac cums with a whimper of Mike's name, nails biting into his skin and legs squeezing around Mike's thigh. Pac pushes himself up and laughs softly.
"You're such a bitch" Mike grumbles, voice raw, as Pac leans over him to untie his hands. Pac laughs and leans down to kiss Mike. Mike kisses back, using his newly freed hands to tangle in Pac's hair and hold him still. Pac goes pliant in his hands, and Mike groans softly against his lips.
"You liked it, though, right? It wasn't too much?" Pac asks softly, looking down at Mike with big, concerned eyes. Mike scoffs, kissing Pac again and sitting up. He's still shaky, his body reacting to the electricity as well as the adrenaline from the orgasm.
"Yeah, Pac, it was really good. Perfect," Mike mumbles, running a hand through his hair and fixing his glasses that'd fallen askew. Pac grins and goes to grab a clean pair of boxers for Mike.
Mike watches him go, and he plots.
#t@zercraft#m!ke#p@c#idk i write so much mean m!ke i needed to make him whiny#im enjoying all of this dom p@c content#this was so fun to write#but I think thats just a side effect of writing m!ke#HES so fun to write#qsmpnsfw
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It’s my 10th anniversary of starting testosterone today!
I can still remember how excited and nervous I was doing my first shot! And now I have the full beard and deep voice I wanted so extremely badly back then.
I can completely pass as a cis man out in public now which was always my dream and I’m excited to see if my beard gets even fuller and nicer in the next 10 years 🩷
#of course theres been many other crazy side effects but it was all 100% worth it#I would not be alive if I hadn’t started T#ograt
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i hauve covid :(
#my first time :((((( i was so good before this#i have paxlovid so that’s nice though i. took a medicine it interacts with so yesterday was just side effects central lmfao#thankfully it just made me super sleepy and sleeping a shitton when you’re sick isn’t really a bad thing#t
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Testosterone Thursday
#sensible-tips#FTM#F2M#female to male#transgender man#transgender#trans man#transgender men#trans men#transgender boy#transgender boi#trans boy#trans boi#non binary#enby#transmasculine#transmasc#transmasculine men#medical transition#T#testosterone cypionate#T side effects#FTM health#FTM wellness#HRT#Testosterone Thursday#testosterone enanthate#subq T
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anytime someone talks about the "uncomfortable" parts of testosterone puberty and how its normal to be annoyed about certain things because even cis boys were bothered by the "icky stuff" im like. wait yall aren't getting massive euphoria from smelling like a locker room, forehead breakouts and having a hairy ass ?
#trip talks#'the negative side effects of testosterone HRT' do not project onto me. there have been NO negatives.#could also be that im incredibly lucky with my skin genetics#during my first puberty i rarely got acne#and yeah i get more pimples now that im on T but it's really not bad#every single change has brought me nothing but joy#not even scared of balding#ill go jackson galaxy vibes and grow a beard and get even more piercings and make it work
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Is it possible to micro dose (i do not know the term) on t to get to only a specific area of looking masculine but not super duper masculine but also not looking feminine at all or only a little
#does that make sense#maybe androgyny would be better term?#also i do not think my mom is very on board with the idea of t#maybe it wasn't the right time to ask last night#i will try again at some point#also i have looked into some side effects and u can have a heart attack or stroke?/???#how likely is that 😭 i feel i may have an underlying heart thing or it just beats fast normally so i am afraid a bit#rants n rambles
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feeling oversocialised like an angery little dog
#3 solid weeks of living with coworkers i dont know well#and one has serious tidiness OCD and im a naturally messy bitch lol#i like em both but my god im going loopy#out of fried-brain-ness i moved the Clean ones backpack to the floor of the car for a few minutes .. got Told Off and still feel bad lol#shes also my supervisor so it was like oh oops yikes#SIGHS i kinda want some tension relief like a littol cry or something but it isnt happening#one of the bunk T side effects for me is Not Crying As Easy (the other is blood pressure and cholesterol related)#its the other guy's last week with the company next week too as well ... sad he's nice#rory's ramblings
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it's feeling insecure hours
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i miss her…
#cant believe i forgot about her till the photobook q&a im so sorry witch mona~~~~~~~#press f for honeypre atelier gachas it was gone too soon™️#(currently e x t r e m e l y worried and stressed for tomorrow like never before b u t i have to appear like im fine sobs save me monachann)#(can i go on a stress-prompted tangent here about something inane? no? toooo bad im gonna go off anyway~~~~)#ok so. like. since witch mona is the image i have up ‘ere and since it’s still 七月… today’s tangent will be on irl spooky stories!!#s o. presenting a decently repressed memory from my childhood that resurfaced while i was hibernating at home:#anyways. well. thoughts about the afterlife can vary from person to person yes? there’s no one true correct belief after all#but the one question that unites us all is probably the one and only ‘are ghosts real?’#and well. for personal reasons i think so. i mean i’ve seen this one dude i hate get possessed a couple of times so welp. cant deny it ig.#wild story about that actually. back in the day my family’s finances were allegedly doing so badly that [dude i hate] had to pick up#a *c e r t a i n* side hustle for extra cash. that side hustle? literal grave digging at the cemetary. at night no less#and *ofc* he wasn’t respectful about it in the least so ofc some spirits followed him home. yay. free roommates.#one(?) of them even took residence in my room at the time and im 80% sure they ate my history textbook :( much sads#anyways well once that guy had too much to drink (which was rather often tbh) he’d get possessed. fun!#the only possession i ever saw was the n-rarity angry ghost who’d just huff and puff in silence with unfocused eyes most of the time#he’d occasionally put on a leather jacket too. but that was like a r-rarity event that didn’t happen that often#my mother had the chance to also witness the mosquito (who tried to barge into my room for fresh blood) and the 姑娘 (self-explanatory)#which is kinda unfair tbh. i wanted to see the ur-rarity ones too :( mostly bc it’d be funny to see a guy i hate act ooc (impure intentions)#oh right. how did we get the dude out of his possession? we just shook his arm really hard. prolly caused some lasting effects but who know#i think he could also just sleep off the possession but idk i was asleep for the ur-rarity incidents.#cant ask the one witness of it bc i dont want to bring back unnecessary flashbacks of [guy we hate]#anyways it’s been years since we moved out from that place and i still want my history textbook back. mostly for the principle of it but—#and so that’s the tangent of the day. i feel weirdly less stressed now thanks witch mona#i do wonder how my grandparents are faring on this 七月 though…#b u t !!!!! tomorrow’s date on the lunar calendar says it’s an auspicious day for wishful activity and starting a new job!!! so… maybe~~~~?#hauauauauauauauuauaaaaaa anyways insane tangent over stream mona’s new album ok bye#oops forgor to disable rbs i hate how easy it is to forget to use this function man
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