#sxf angst

[tazuransi]

i pledge myself to you

…

[twilight-is-dead]

Made a quick little comic with some watercolor brushes, might write something with this later

[lady-charinette]

(for this: https://www.tumblr.com/lady-charinette/723936178046418944/ask-game-based-on-this-poll-you-can-send-me-asks)

twiyor forced to fight? 👀 hope you’re having a good day!!! 🫶💖💞💝💗

OH that one slaps! I love me a good angsty fight between two loving spouses! ^_^ Aw, I hope you're having an awesome day too Sadie!! :D

----

“Yor…” Loid’s voice quivered, taking a step back.

Before him stood his wife, his for-Operation-Strix fake married wife, and she had stiletto daggers in her hands and a dark, unfamiliar expression on her face.

No, Twilight knew that expression well, had seen it in the faces of many men, both young and old, in the faces of the experienced fighters in the frontlines.

He had seen it when witnessing his sergeant’s eyes following the trickle of blood as it escaped their enemy’s mouth.

He sees it when he looks in the mirror too.

“Finish him, Thorn Princess. You know what’s on the line.” Shopkeeper’s low, deceptively calm voice sounded from the cover of shadows. It seemed to be all around them like a phantom.

Twilight’s fist clenched, the leather of his gloves groaning in protest. “Yor! Please listen to me, we can find a way to escape. We don’t have to fight!”

A voice Twilight didn’t want to acknowledge as his own quietly whispered in the corner of his mind: ‘I don’t want to fight you.’

Yor’s mouth turned into a thin line, raising the blade close to her face. “Loid, please. Run.”

It took a second.

No, half a second.

Even he could barely keep up.

A ringing.

White noise.

One swing of the blade.

A burn.

No, a cut.

With reflexes honed from grueling training, Twilight used the wall as leverage to jump over Yor’s next attack, but she seemed to anticipate his moves.

Turning faster than his trained eye could keep up, Yor turned her torso and threw one dagger up in the air.

It nicked his suit, a hair’s breath away from drawing more blood from him.

Twilight noticed too late the dagger missed him on purpose.

The actual hit knocked the air out of his lungs.

Yor’s heel dug into his stomach, the force slamming him straight into the opposite wall with a sickening thud.

Thorn Princess wasted no time to gain her footing and dash towards Twilight. The spy was no crumpled heap on the ground where she had thrown him.

A presence much darker and subtle barely tickled her senses.

Behind her.

Yor turned on her heel, muscles tensing to land a right hook at her opponent before her fist got caught in a much larger hand.

Twilight’s form was almost completely hidden by the shadows, the overhead lamp swinging softly to move her husband in and out of the light.

Much like her emotions that night.

Yor was used to sensing killing intent from her enemies towards her, the assassin within her was confused why she didn’t sense any from her husband, despite him appearing like an apparition of death itself ready to claim her soul.

Was this the last thing his enemies saw before Twilight the spy ended their lives? Thorn Princess didn’t envy them.

Twilight’s expression softened immediately, his grip tight but not painful on Yor’s hand. “Yor, we have to end this fight.”

The steel of her weapon caught the light once it hit them and Twilight swung his head back to dodge the upward thrust aimed at his throat.

Twilight put as much distance between them as possible, knowing it would be an easy feat for his wife to close that distance. He needed time.

“Yor, please, I can contact Franky, I’ll make sure Garden can’t hurt you or Anya! You won’t be forced to live like this any-“

“-You don’t understand!” the blade caught his eyes as Yor’s fist tightened around it further, but she made no other move to point it at him. Her eyes seemed to burn holes right through his skull. “I fed and clothed Yuri with this job! It’s the only thing I can do that I’m good at, Loid! My abilities…they, I can’t work like this at City Hall!” images of mocking faces entered Yor’s mind, memories of people ridiculing her for her lack of skills in everything but killing. “These hands…they can’t do anything else but kill…”

Thorn Princess wasn’t one to be caught off guard, but she was. Her body was too quick for her mind to catch up with.

The sharp point of her blade was turned up before she registered Loid crossed the room towards her.

The blade dug uncomfortably into his forearm, soaking the material of his suit in his blood, but Twilight ignored the burning pain in favor of holding Yor’s hands in his. His gaze finally caught hers and held it. “You’re wrong, Yor. These hands…they dress and bathe Anya every day. They make our dinner and buy the food we eat. They clean Bond after he comes home from playing at the doggy park the whole day. They gently carry Anya to bed when she accidentally falls asleep in the living room watching Spy Wars past her bedtime.” Twilight slowly rubbed his thumbs across Yor’s knuckles, feeling the bumps and callouses from fighting, but sensing their restrained power.

Yor was holding back.

Twilight smiled. “…They stroked my hair while I was having dreams about losing my mother in the war. They welcome me home and take my coat after a long day at the hospital. They patched me up after I got roughed up from a secret mission…I never knew these hands to be anything but kind to us, Yor. Maybe inanimate objects didn’t get that same treatment but…these are your hands, Yor! The hands that you love and protect with and kill. All these years, you’ve worked this job for the same reason I work mine: to protect the people that are dear to you.”

Droplets of liquid slid down over their joined hands and Twilight lifted one hand carefully to wipe away the tears falling down Yor’s cheeks. “These hands aren’t just good for killing, Yor. Just like you aren’t only good for killing. Just like I’m not only good for killing either.”

Yor’s- Thorn Princesses’ defenses slowly crumbled, the edge vanished from her eyes like mist in the wind and finally, Loid could gaze at his wife’s face without the looming threat of death hanging over both of their heads.

“Hey.” Loid leaned his head down to touch his forehead to hers and closed his eyes, nuzzling into her.

The sharp clang of metal hitting the solid ground echoed in the barren room as Yor dropped her dagger to curl her hand around Loid’s, pushing her forehead up against him in return. Yor’s watery “Hey.” made Loid wipe the remainder of her tears away and blink back the onslaught of his own.

Nuzzling into each other, assassin and spy allowed themselves this brief reprieve before Yor’s words washed over them both like a shower of ice shards.

“They have Anya.”

Taking a deep breath, Loid slowly straightened his back with his eyes still closed.

Opening them again, Yor knew it wasn’t her dear husband who stood before her.

It was Westalis’s greatest spy and Ostania’s greatest nightmare staring vowing a slow death to any who stood in his way.

And then Twilight spoke, words that caused Thorn Princess to pick up her weapons again. “My communication lines were suddenly cut, I suspect Garden isn’t the only one playing a hand in kidnapping Anya.”

The glare of the mighty Thorn Princess could topple the bravest men and send them begging on their knees. “If I may, I think I’ll have to take more lives today, including that of your colleagues.”

While Thorn Princess fixed her gloves, Twilight ripped a part of his suit to still the bleeding on his forearm. “Casualties are unavoidable on both sides, you have my full permission, Yor.”

Despite the use of her name, it was Thorn Princess’ gaze that glared daggers at the prospect of killing her husband’s fellow spies.

Together, both spy and assassin rushed to save their daughter from both Garden and WISE.

Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it :3  

[indulgencecentral]

Fuck The Heartbreak Out of Me

A horny crack fic for the SxF fandom.

Pairing: Loid Forger | Twilight × Yor Briar Forger | Thorn Princess × Fiona Frost | Nightfall

Genre: Gratuitous smut, mild angst and smut

Warnings: (See AO3 tags)

MDNI

A/N: When I had this idea I was so excited and it came out so well. I hope you like the dynamics here and see what I see in this fucked up threesome. I honestly wanted to post it here but like, it's 5K so click and enjoy!

Original Work

All reblogs and interactions are appreciated!

Do not plagiarise, repost or copy my work anywhere.

All characters belong to Tatsuya Endo.

© all rights reserved @indulgencecentral

[cluuey]

But reading this gave me the question in reverse: What would happen to Loid and Yor if Anya died?

Loid's whole mission was based on Anya befriending Damian and opening the door to friendship with the Desmonds.

Would the mission be far enough along that Wise would insist he continue? Would Loid even be capable of completing the mission? Would he even want to?

And for Yor, depending on the situation, would she feel guilt at having failed to protect Loid's daughter? Would she blame herself for Loid losing the last of his family?

Rest assured, I hope none of this happens and that Endo gives us the super fluffy ending the Forgers deserve, but the thought of Anya's support system made me think about Loid and Yor's or their lack thereof.

spy x family bad ends are so interesting but something that gives me some comfort is that even if Loid does leave or fake his death after his mission is over….anya still won’t be alone. she has becky, she has damian, and more importantly she has yor.

yor would absolutely raise her and take her in. she loves anya like her own and would never abandon her. that’s her baby. that’s her daughter. she would absolutely raise anya on her own.

and god forbid if yor did die (she’s untouchable tho let’s be fr), becky would not let her best friend be alone for sure. she’d make the blackbells adopt her.

my point is….anya has a supportive system. she has people to fall back on. she has people who love her. and I hope she fully realizes that.

[pjs-everyday]

Lies 🌹💔💫 // Twiyor Month @twiyorbase

[1alchemistart]

throwing these here before the new chapter comes out tomorrow ✌️

i actually added captions for when these were made this time, since the dates are more varied AKLJFDL (more recent art that’s whyyy)

[seulgist]

just caught up on the most recent chapters

[thehusbandoden]

Just Let me Explain -Husband!Loid Forger x Wife!Reader

A/n: I'm not sure how good this is, feel free to let me know! <3

General info:

Genre: angst, slight comfort at the end \\ wc: 2,711 \\ posted: 03/14/24 \\ unclear ending

Summary:

You find out about Loid's mission.. how he was using you- and Anya.. that's what set you off the most. What hurt you the most.

Warnings!: a lot of angst, being used, misunderstanding, miscommunication, crying, confrontation, being ignored, ignoring, partner refusing to let go of you (briefly), Loid's mission, mentions of an orphanage, mention of an orphan, fear of putting a child back into an orphanage (briefly), mentions of a nightmare, child crying (briefly). I think that's all? Lmk if I miss any! <3

You lived the dream life. You were married to the love of your life, you had a darling young girl you’ve adopted, and you were loved by your small family unconditionally.  

Or... so you thought. That all changed when you found out your husband’s secret. A spy... he was sent on a mission to get married and have a child. Your entire relationship... was it all a lie? 

Tears stream down your face as you process the information time and time again. All of it... was for some mission of his? Did he ever even love you? You weren’t even sure at this point.  

You were currently curled in a ball on the bathroom floor, your back pressed against the door. The man in question spoke to you softly on the other side, asking for you to open the door and let him explain. You don’t respond, continuing to drown in your sorrow.  

Every minute that crawled by felt like an hour. Loid kept calling to you, his voice filling with more concern as you continued to stay silent.  

“Y/n... please... open the door. Let me explain, you’re worrying me.” 

“Don’t lie to me, Loid. I’m done with these mind games.” You whisper, your voice hoarse with sorrow. 

“Y/n... I-I don’t know what to say to that. Please... open the door.” 

“Why? So you can lie to me more? So you can gaslight me? So I can melt into your eyes and go back to believing that everything is okay?”  

“Y/n... please.”  

“No, Loid. I’m done. I’m so done with letting you control me by playing with my feelings. It was all a lie... wasn’t it.”  

Loid hesitates, his voice faltering as he attempts to fix the mess he made.  

“And Anya? She’s a part of your sick game too, isn’t she?” You mutter, your tears drying against your skin. Your sorrow was slowly growing into acceptance.  

“She is a part of my mission, yes.” He whispers.  

You let out a low chuckle filled with bitterness. “And what? What happens once your mission is finished? Do you leave? Stay with us? End us? End *me* now that I know?”  

“No, I wouldn’t ever kil-” his voice falters once more. 

You let out a low laugh that expressed your pain perfectly. “You’re a pathetic excuse as a father. I used to think you were so good to Anya. That you were the perfect father for her- but you plan on *leaving* both of us. Or do you plan on making it worse!? Are you going to end me and leave her in that run-down orphanage again!?” You snap, standing up. 

You feel your acceptance turning into anger as you throw the bathroom door open, glaring up at the man you once called yours.  

“Y/n I-”  

“Why Loid!? Why do you plan on ruining our lives?!”  

“Y/n it’s not that simple.” He sighs, moving aside to give you a path. You take it, storming out of the bathroom. You pace around the living room and kitchen.  

“Don’t give me that. You played friends until you captured my heart, gave me a flimsy love confession-” he flinched “-and then slid an *engagement* ring on my finger for some stupid mission!?”  

He opens his mouth to speak, but you don’t give him the chance to speak. “What about Anya!?” You yell, shoving a finger into his chest. Your anger boiled over at the thought of your precious little girl. She’s been through several homes already; she can’t go back to that horrid orphanage.  

“I-” 

“Are you going to leave us!? Kill me and leave her as an orphan again!? Tell me, Loid!” You demand, staring into his eyes. You used to think you would never treat him like this no matter how angry you got... but the thought of your baby losing another family threw out all self-control.  

“You know me better than that, y/n.” Loid sighs.  

“I don’t Loid. I used to think that you were a good man that worked hard to support his family, but I was wrong. All you are is a selfish pig who cares about nothing but himself.” You spit.  

Loid’s eyebrow twitches. You don’t notice. 

“Anya deserves better than this, Loid! Were you really planning on leaving us alone once your mission is finished!? Were you going to give us a goodbye or were you going to just leave!?”  

He still doesn’t say anything. Your anger slowly boils over, every second he ignores you adding another drop into the already over-filled cup of self-restraint. “I... do not know what I was going to do.”  

Another drop falls, spilling the rage over. You pull yourself away, so you don’t physically lash out. “I can’t believe I loved you!? I can’t believe that I trusted you, Loid! Was it all fake!?”  

Loid doesn’t respond.  

“Was it fake!” You repeat, trembling with rage and hurt. “Answer me!”  

Loid has an unreadable expression on his face as he looks into your eyes. “Yes, it was fake...” his eyes twinge with something you can’t read. Shrugging it off, you desperately try to hold yourself together.  

“So every time you said you loved me back. It was all a lie?”  

“Yes...”  

“Every time you told *Anya* you loved her back. It was a lie!?”  

An unreadable look in his eye makes your lip tremble. “Yes...”  

“So, you were planning on leaving us? All along?”  

“Stop asking questions, it’s annoying.” His gaze hardens.  

“Loi-”  

“I said, stop asking questions.” He glares down at you. “I do not love you, nor Anya. Either keep quiet and continue to help with my mission, or you will no longer be needed.” 

You feel something crack deep inside you. You try to hold yourself together as your hands shake uncontrollably. “I hate you.” You whisper. Loid flinched, watching you walk to the guest room. You close the door, locking it behind you.  

Once the door closes, you break down once more. Falling to the floor as your body is wracked with sobs.  

~~ 

Hours pass by before you come out again. Loid was sitting on the couch, reading a book. You would have smiled at the simplicity earlier this morning, but now all you feel is numb. You slip a pair of slippers on, grabbing your keys.  

“Where are you going?” Loid speaks up, his gorgeous blue eyes finding yours. You turn away, refusing to maintain eye contact.  

You don’t respond, walking out the door. Loid lets out a long sigh but doesn’t follow you.  

~~ 

“A-and then Sy-on boy made fun of Becky! I didn’t punch him though mama! I smiled like you said!”  

“Good job baby.” You mumble, a plastic smile on your face. The words of your precious girl weren’t registering in your head, you were too focused on the fact that your husband- ex-husband? You don’t even know anymore- is really planning on leaving both you and Anya when his mission is over. 

Glancing in the rear-view mirror, you see Anya close to tears. You immediately go into protective mode, your eyes hardening as you pull over. “Anya what happened sweetie? Did something happen at school? Are you being bullied? Did someone hurt you??” You bite your bottom lip to confine your rage, the metallic taste of blood staining your tongue.  

“N-no mama! Nothing happened at school!” Anya sniffled, trying to contain her tears.  

“What is it baby? You can tell me, I’m your mama.” You coo, rubbing her hair gently, pressing a comforting kiss to her forehead.  

“I-I u h... umm...” Anya starts to sweat, looking around the car. 

“Shhh it’s okay baby. You can tell me.” 

“B-Bond ate my peanuts!” Anya blurts out, showing you an empty bag of peanuts. There was no sign of damage from your family dog, she must have just forgotten that she ate them, which happens frequently.  

“Oh baby, it’s okay. We can buy more, alright? Next time tell mama what the problem is so we can fix it, m’kay?”  

“Yes mama.”  

“That’s my smart girl.” You kiss her forehead once more, savoring the relationship you have with her. You’ve always wanted to be a mother, and Anya fulfilled that desire. You were hoping you and Loid could have a few of your own one day, but that’s not going to happen... 

You make sure Anya is buckled before moving back to your own seat, strapping your seat belt on before pulling back onto the road. 

~~~ 

“Daddy! Look at what mama got me!” Anya squeals in excitement, bursting through the front door. She runs into the kitchen where Loid was pacing, embracing his legs. He flinches at the sudden entrance, but gives the girl a small smile, leaning down to her level. 

You walk in afterwards, shutting and locking the door. “Anya, don’t forget to change!” You call, placing a few grocery bags on the kitchen counter.  

“Yes mama!” She calls, pouting up at Loid. 

He chuckles, leaning down to ruffle her hair. “Go listen to your mother, Anya. And don’t let her see you with your shoes on the carpet, alright?” He smiles, an amused twinkle in his eye.  

You would have melted at the scene... if you didn’t know.  

Loid catches your gaze, causing you to frown. Even though he’s planning on completely ruining not only your life, but Anya’s he looks so... relaxed. 

You open your mouth to say something, when you notice it. 

His eyes... were red. Your frown deepens... you’ve only seen Loid cry once, and he never mentioned it when you did.  

~ 

It was before Anya, in the first few months of your marriage. You had woken up in the middle of the night to see him whimpering in his sleep.  

He whimpered “mom” and “dad” several times, tears slipping down his cheeks as he cried for anyone to help him. You gently woke him out of his nightmare, pulling him to your chest. He was shocked from the whiplash of being in such a traumatizing past one moment to being in your arms the next.  

He let you cradle him to your chest, his head comfortingly resting on your breasts. You stroked his hair, murmuring soft words of comfort to him, letting him recover from the terrifying dream.  

You laid with him for several hours before falling back asleep yourself. You don’t know how long he held onto you, but he was up the next time you woke up. He hasn’t mentioned it, and he probably never will.  

~ 

Words catch in the back of your throat. Before you’re able to formulate anything, Anya catches your attention. You look back at your red-eyed husband once more before turning to your little girl.  

“Anya, what have I told you about taking your shoes straight away?” You gently scold, lifting her off of the carpet.  

“Sorry mama!” Anya’s cute pout makes your heart melt, causing you to grow even softer. You sigh, placing her down in the entrance of the home. 

“Just take them off now and do better next time, alright?”  

“Yes mama!” Her giggle was worth the stress. You smile fondly at your baby girl, watching her take her shoes off.  

“Y/n.” Loid whispers, wrapping his arms around your waist, burying his head in your neck. You stiffen, clenching your jaw.  

“Let go of me.” You whisper, biting your lip.  

“Y/n, let me talk.”  

“Let go of me.” 

“Y/n-” his voice cracks. 

You pull away, walking over to Anya. Loid’s voice cracks again. You don’t turn to look at him. If you looked at his guilt-ridden face for too long, you would break. 

~~ 

Later that night. You were silently washing the dishes after Anya went to bed, your expression unreadable. Loid was in the living room, watching you work. He sighed, running a hand through his blonde locks. “Y/n?” He murmured.  

You don’t respond, your eyebrow twitching in irritation. Loid let out a strained sigh, standing up. He takes a step towards you, hesitating.  

“Y/n, please don’t ignore me...”  

You don’t say anything, biting your lip to maintain a calm composure... well as calm as you’re able to be. 

“Y/n.” His voice grew sharper as he steps into the dimly lit kitchen, his voice full of frustration and a hint of something you can’t understand.  

You continue to ignore him, causing him to let out another sigh, longer this time. “Y/n please.” He steps closer.  

Your fingers dig into your palms as you continue to ignore him. Your shoulders tremble from intense emotion, tears bubbling in the corners of your eyes.  

“Y/n...” he whispers, gently wrapping his arms around your waist. He gently takes your hands, intertwining your fingers so your nails dug into his hands instead of your own. You lift the pressure, not wanting to hurt him.  

“Let go of me.” You whisper, your voice trembling.  

“Y/n, just let me explain.” He whispered in your ear. Your breath hitched at his warm breath on your skin, wanting to give in to his comfort and break down in his arms. You get a hold of yourself, stiffening in his hold.  

“I don’t want to hear you explain.”  

“Y/n-”  

“Loid. Let go of me.”  

“Baby. Baby listen.” He whispers, shaking as he holds you close to his chest. You gasp softly, tears slipping down your cheeks. Loid has rarely used pet names for you, telling you that he thought it was childish and would much rather call you by name. You didn’t mind it, but it did make you feel so loved when you heard any pet name from his lips.  

“My love, it’s not what it looks like. Let me explain. Let me earn your trust back, just please... Please don’t leave. Don’t take my beloved away, don’t take our baby girl.” He sniffled, causing you to stiffen.  

Was he... about to cry...? 

You don’t protest any further, letting him talk. He hesitates at first, holding you tighter as he buries his face in your neck. “You’re right. This started as a mission. I was tasked to get a wife and child, enroll the child in Eden Academy, and get information on a man that is a great risk to us. It *started* as nothing but a mission, without any feelings attached.” Loid muttered, sounding exhausted and... ashamed?  

“Y-you don’t love me? Or Anya?” Your voice cracked with inexpressible hurt.  

“No! No baby I do. I love you; I love you to the moon and back. I love you more than myself- more than anyone, anything! And Anya too! I would do anything for my girls.” Loid quickly protests, holding you tighter, like he was afraid of letting you go; like you would disappear if he ever let you out of his hold. 

“B-but you said...”  

Loid spins you around, looking you dead in the eye as he fondly cradles your face, his thumbs gently wiping your tears away. “In the beginning, it was all for my mission. I’ll be dead honest y/n. When I met you, when we dated, I had zero feelings for you. But that changed. I fell in love with you-” his voice cracks, tears streaming down his own cheeks, “-I saw you for you saw how much you loved me, how perfect you are... that love confession was real. My love for Anya is real. And I would rather be gruesomely killed than ever let anything happen to my girls. I would- nor could never leave either of you. You are my world, and I cannot live without you.”  

Your tears quickened as you stared into the eyes of your husband, truth and overwhelming guilt swimming in their deep blue depths. You choke on a response, tears dripping off your chin.  

“Shhhh it’s okay baby.” He whispers, pulling you to his chest. He caresses your head, leaning his lips against your forehead. He kisses your forehead slowly and lovingly, adding another and another to the pile as you break down in his warm, comforting arms.  

“I promise baby. I would never leave you. I could never leave you. You are my world, my universe, my everything. I am nothing without you and our little girl. Our beautiful little girl.” He whispers, kissing your tears away.  

As you sob into his chest, he gently and lovingly dries off your hands before lifting you into his strong arms. He carries you to bed, cradling you to his chest as he lays down, cooing comforting words.  

You peacefully fall asleep in his arms, your face buried in his chest as you sob, listening to his soothing words as he slowly strokes your head and back.  

~~~~~

Loid's masterlist | Masterlist | Navigation | You can tip me here<3

Reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated! <33

~~~~~

Do not copy, repost, nor plagiarize my work. Ask before you translate or use my work in any way -minus reblogging.

[peanutseagle]

[naarinn]

Focus on chimera. The door. Possible Anya past arc coming? I'm excited???

[tare-anime]

“Uuhh…. It won’t come off….”

It’s been almost 30 minutes, and yet the blood won’t come off Yor’s hands. 

She washes and washes and washes. 

The blood is still there.

Under her nails. 

Under the cuticles. 

She has to clean her dirty hands before she touches Anya’s head and tucks her to sleep

She has to clean these dirty hands before she washes Bond’s pristine white fur.

She has to clean these dirty hands before she tries to cook a new dinner recipe from that book Loid’s bought her. 

She has to-...

“Yor, that’s enough.”

Warm hands envelop her trembling one. 

“Ju-... just a bit more and-...”

But that hand turns off the faucet and soon envelops her hands in a soft clean warm towel.

“They are already very clean.” 

Her husband’s warm and calming voice pulls her from the spiraling thought. 

She blinks several times and tries to focus on Loid’s steady taps on her hands. A movement both to dry them at the same time a steady rhythm to guide her breathing. 

And it works. 

It always works. 

Taking several shuddering breaths, Yor finally lifts her face and looks at her husband’s face. 

His brows are furrowed when he concentrates on dabbing antiseptics to the scrapes littered her hands. 

“I’m sorry.” She is so ashamed. “They are dirty.”

“No, they are not.” Loid’s voice is so benevolent. “They do what they had to do: to raise a boy into a fine man, to keep a child feel safe, to caress a dog to his content, to cook a wonderful meal for a family, and to be the home of a wounded, tired soul of a man.”

Her husband brings her hands close to his mouth and places a kiss on her fingers. “These hands are the hands of the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.”

Yor blinks hard to keep the tears from falling. 

When she feels her husband's hand enveloping her own, she takes a good look at them. 

His hands are bigger than hers. 

Equally calloused. 

Equally bloody. 

And yet, his hands are warm. 

Strong. 

Steady. 

Safe. 

She feels his tugs. “Let’s go home. I’ll prepare a good bath.”

She manages a watery smile. “Okay.”

--------------

Ramblings:

My entry for day 2 of Yor-week: Hands (AO3) @twiyorbase

I've always love "Hand" themed story for Yor. My favorite stories are "Bad Omen" by @buf309 and this chapter of "Once More with Feelings" by @sometimesiship

Gosh. Both really left me on the floor sobbing. No matter how many times I reread them 😭😭😭

And of course, the panels from Endo's own work

Please let Yor get all the recognition she deserves 😭😭😭😭

[twilight-is-dead]

Bad art yay!

[mj-ackerman]

Twilight hesitated when he saw it was Yuri! if it was a different SSS agent, he might've pulled the trigger right away, but it was Yuri, the brother of his wife! I'm sure Twilight doesn't want to hurt him or it will saddened Yor.

[piracytheorist]

Oh BOI when I tell you this transition gave me shivers

This is a prime example of why spies like Twilight cannot afford emotional attachment, why their entire survival depends on them ignoring their own internal struggles.

Donovan Desmond is a force to be reckoned with; within minutes of meeting Loid, he shamelessly shares his corrupted views on humanity:

"It is simply impossible to understand what someone else is thinking. People will never be able to understand each other."

And that's why you're using force to bring other nations to their knees?

There you have Twilight; a man who lost everything in a war started by people who had the same way of thinking that Desmond has; a man who has sacrificed his own identity and chances of personal happiness in his mission to never allow others to suffer like he did.

The emotional investment is huge. He doesn't do it just because he thinks it's the right thing to do, he does it because he has first-hand experience of how much pain a war can cause. And he'd rather keep suffering if it means such pain won't be felt again by anyone else.

And yet, through all his internal turmoil, he has to look at Desmond and smile and agree with him. Him acting like the loyal Ostanian citizen who believes the Desmond group cares for the country is nothing compared to this transition. He goes from a man who is haunted by the traumas of his past to a beaming, hopeful man who indirectly endorses violence - the very thing that ruined his and many other people's lives - over understanding among humans

He has to become the exact opposite of what he stands for, become the kind of man like the ones whose actions ruined him. And the ironic depiction is not lost to the audience; his eyes are covered in shadows as we hear his inner thoughts, slowly getting brighter as he prepares his disguise, and finally getting back to the light when he fully dons it.

It's disturbing and it's wrong and it's the opposite of how it should be. Twilight may have made it his life's mission to never act on his emotions, but it's perfectly clear he does have emotions; he's just very good at willingly pushing them aside. And this depiction in that lighting is perfect to show how it's a necessary and conscious depravity of his own self that he has to partake in in order to survive and see his mission through.

It's brilliant. Disturbing, but brilliant.

(Anime only fan here, don't spoil me for the manga)

[beansnsoup]

The World We Knew

Summary: He was yours, emphasis on was. One day, you were in love, at least you were. The next, He was gone, and you felt as if your whole world had gone in shambles.

Relationship: Romantic?

Character: Loid Forger

Warnings: Angst, Long lost love, fem reader, but it's not a huge part of the storyline, Spy x Family VOL. 10 spoilers!!!!

Note: I hate to have put "blank" when talking about loid but considering the storyline circumstances and volume 10 we still don't know his name, like it was literally bleeped out in the volume itself.

Peace.

It's what the both of you wanted. It's what everybody wanted.

You had known him since you were kids, and you always knew it had been a passion of his to move forward with the war to gain the peace of every townsperson deserved. He wanted more with his life, and that was what he chose.

Out of everyone in the little group you had, you were the closest with him. He had always been so nice to you and never failed to make you feel included.

You weren't a big fan of playing war games with him and the other boys, but you remember one instance where they had told you to just go home because they didn't want you moping around why they were playing their army games.

All of the boys agreed except him.

He suggested you be a nurse. What would happen if they got hurt, and nobody was there to help? You happily took on this role. He always found a way to make you feel special.

When you talked about all of these interactions with your mother, she told you upfront that you had a crush on him. At the time, you were too young to think about having a crush.

However, as you got older and really thought about how much you talked about him and how he made you feel, it was, in fact, a crush.

After the bombing in Westalis, you hadn't seen him in years. You had always assumed that he was caught in the ruble of it all. You know that was thinking the worst, but it was completely possible.

You had decided to volunteer as a nurse for the war, the role you felt you were meant to be in. It just felt right to help out. Plus, if he was alive, you'd knew for a fact he'd be fighting in the war, underage or not. One day, you could see him again.

At the moment, you weren't placed in the hospital wing. You'd instead been sent to go provide food for all the soldiers, the ones in care, and the ones walking around freely.

"Wait... Is that you advisor?"

You overhear someone ask over the ruckus of the townspeople and soldiers, your mind immediately went straight to the first face you had locked with that name, but you knew it couldn't be, there was no possible way.

Even though you had been waiting all these years to hear that name and see that face, it just all still felt so unreal, you just couldn't bear to face the reality of it.

"Genral? Corporal? Major?"

"It is him!"

"It's advisor!"

"No way! It can't be!"

You weren't trying to eavesdrop, but it was very hard not to. They went on and on about how they attempted to search for "advisor" and how much he had grown.

This time, you couldn't help but look back, and they were right. It was him, and he did look the same. It took every strength in you not to walk over and talk to them, they were your friends, but it had been so long, and they were closer to one another, you didn't want to ruin their moment.

"Now all we need now is our nurse, and the whole gang will officially be back together again!" One of the men chimed in, if only they knew you were standing just a few feet away from them. "Yeah, I've been trying to look for her just as much everyone else, she's probably been on my mind the most."

The guys all hooted at this, you pretended it also didn't get a rise out of you while you still acted as if you were more interested in the fruits in front of you instead of the conversation happening behind you.

"Are you free this weekend? There's a great restaurant in the next town over!" The advisor proposed, trying to distract him from what he had previously said. They all explained what they would be up to but how they'd keep in touch.

You had turned back around by this point, but you could tell he was smiling as he they put together their plans.

You listened to them all walk away, then you're mind started racing,

"Should I have gone to talk to them?"

"No, it's okay, they wouldn't have remembered me."

"But I'd be with him."

You jolted back around, just to find none of them there, damn.

-

The war had long since been from over. It had probably been one of the worst moments in your life aside from the bombing you'd experienced as a child.

And after seeing all of your old friends names, all except for him, in the charts marked as deceased you knew wouldn't be able to stand another minute witnessing such torture. So now all you could think about was the fact that you could've spoken to them that one day, before they all passed, but you just couldn't muster up the courage.

But now you were starting a new life in a new area, and maybe he would finally leave your mind and just be a fuzzy memory that you joke about with your future children.

At the thought you hear a child start to laugh, you avert your eyes to the direction. She's a young girl, no more than 6 or 7 years old, and she has pink hair that reaches her shoulders, you smile at her excitement.

Moments like these make your mind wander into a field of imagination of the family you could've built by now. But you were fine with not being settled down just yet because you knew with how much time you had been working as a war aid there wouldn't have been any time for love.

And there was no time for love while your mind was still on him.

You glance down back at your book, reading the paragraph over that you were interrupted from.

"Papa! Look! Look at all of the cows!"

"Yes, I see them." He chuckled in response.

Your eyes widen, head jolting back up to the familes direction, that voice.

"Genral? Corporal? Major?"

"...She's been on my mind the most."

"Are you free this weekend?"

It was him, it had to be, there was no doubt about it.

You wanted to walk up and say hi, but you didn't know how weird that would be, considering you had once had your chance for a reunion but blew it. But maybe it was time, even if he had a child next to him, and she called him 'Papa.'

Yet at the same time, you didn't want to regret it for the rest of your life by not going up to speak and reminisce with him like last time.

You would have given anything for him to look at you again.

In that moment, you had decided that it was time, and you would see and talk to him again.

You put your bookmark in, saving your page and closing it, and just as you were about to stand and make your way over, a woman came walking out of the bathroom area of the train.

"Sorry I was gone so long!"

"Mama!"

Your smile dropped, and you felt your world collapse once more. You couldn't feel your face.

She was breathtakingly gorgeous. She had her silky jet black hair that was styled up and beautiful ruby eyes.

She's what he needed, what he deserved.

This made you feel sick to your stomach, but also ashamed, you had been fawning over this man for years. It was embarrassing.

You checked the clock above the door of the train, you didn't know how much more of this you could take, luckily there was only about 15 minutes left of your traveling.

All you could do now was fidget with your clothes and hands. You couldn't even bother to open up your book back up, you know you wouldn't be able to focus on anything that you were reading.

Once the train had come to a complete stop you felt a sense of relief wash over you, you couldn't stand to hear all of them be so happy together, not knowing that her role could've been yours.

You got up from your seat, beginning to grab your bags on the shelf above your seat. You had about 2 or 3.

As you struggled with the bags you didn't know that he had noticed,

"You two wait for me outside, I won't be long."

The two girls walk outside and sit on a nearby bench and wait for him while he helps you, you're still oblivious to everything happening around you.

"Miss?"

You're shocked to hear his voice, you drop your bag, almost tumbling backward but catch yourself on the seat.

He chuckles, "Mind if I help?"

"No, not at all."

You finally spoke to him, you look up at him, locking eyes, it had been everything you dreamed of.

His eyes go so wide, you swear they took the shape of a perfectly round circle.

"Y/n?"

You smile and nod.

He wants to hug you, he wants to hug you for centuries, he doesn't know what to do, this feeling that has just suddenly overcome him is making him feel like he no longer has any control.

There was no other way to explain it, he had thought about you so many nights.

Those nights when he was fighting for peace, he was thinking about you, thinking about how you when you were both still children and you would describe to him your future and the peace that would surround you.

"I-"

He's interrupted by a loud voice outside of the train,

"Passengers need to be making their way out of the carriages , the train will be loading more people soon!"

He rushes to grab your bags and help you off. He stops you outside of the train, a good few steps away from his 'family.'

He knows he shouldn't be doing this, it's reckless, it could ruin everything, but seeing you just opened up something within him and he can't stop himself, he just keeps talking.

"I thought you," he pauses.

"Died?" You finish his sentence, smiling at him still, you couldn't believe this was happening.

"Yeah, that."

"I could say the same for you, blank."

Hearing his real name makes his heart drop a little, he hasn't heard many people speak it since he served in the military and his old friends addressed him by it.

He was glad you were the one to say it.

He sighs, a small smile of his face, "I've missed you, alot.

Tears start to threaten to spill out, "I've missed you too, alot."

"I love you, blank." You say without thinking, he doesn't flinch at this the way he did at hearing his own name, which you don't question.

He stands completely still, looking you right in your eyes, not being able to get enough of this moment.

The next words that come out of your mouth surprise you, "But it's too late," You glance over at his 'family', making eye contact with the little girl, who looks almost as shattered as you do right now.

You grab your bags from him and walk towards the exit, feeling tears roll down your cheeks.

He couldn't feel his face, he felt more numb than he had ever felt before. He hears footsteps come up from behind him.

"Who was that Loid?" Yor asks, Anya clutched by her side, with a sad look on her face, like she had heard the whole conversation, Anya blocked out anything her parents were saying to scan around for the you.

"An old friend," He replies, still looking straight ahead, thoughts racing with what could've been.

my mind has been racing with this concept, sorry for the damage i have caused