#I am predicting that we are gonna get more Loid angst.

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When the mission makes you human

Operation strix is by far shown to be the hardest mission that Loid has to do and is yet to accomplish, and this isn't because of the time pressure that he is being put on or even the workload but its because the mission requires for him to be human.

The mission requires Loid to break the intricate cold machine mask that he has built for himself over the years and calls for him to unearth the past he has burnt away.

Sure, Agent Twilight is good at temporary impersonations. He is good at being what people need him to be but only for a short amount of time. However, operation strix requires him to be a father and a husband almost 24/7, and with that, we get more time with the Loid Forger persona unlike any other persona of Twilight and due to that we get to see all the little cracks and imperfections in that mask. We get to see Loid make mistakes, and we get to see him try and fix them, we get to see him learn and we get to see his humanity and vulnerability that he believes he burnt away slowly coming back up filling and fixing the little cracks in the Loid Forger mask.

The Loid Forger persona surprisingly has always been deeply interconnected to Agent Twilight's roots as a character ever since chapter 1.

It is the Loid Forger persona that unearths Agent Twilight's memories as to why he became a spy in the first place. His interactions with Anya unearth his motivations as he so clearlingly sees a bit of himself in anya. His interactions with anya when he is in his loid forger persona is when we see both of these characters connect and parallel each other the most. It's their continuous parallels that we see as the readers that starts to make Loid seem human to us.

As we see, Loid slowly gains back a few memories, and Anya is usually the catalysts to this. The whole reason we got the chapter 62 flashback is because of Anya as she was a catalyst to it.

It is through the Loid Forger persona that we see most of what's left of Redacted come through, and we see how his childhood experiences impact him to adulthood. We see just how much Loid Values friendship and how haunted he really is by it. I think it's interesting that Endo has shown us the progression of Loid's memory and how he is remembering a lot more from his past than he would like to remember.

The progression of Loid's memory going from him not remebering how his friends looked like but knowing that a group of kids on a random street evoke a certain emotion in him in chapter 3 to him clearly remembering his past friends faces in chapter 108 and the uncanny resemblance that jeeves and the other caretakers have that remind him so strongly of the past, of the connections he had and the human identity that he swore he burnt away.

In a world where Agent Twilight wears masks every day and disposes of those masks every day. The mask that is Loid Forger seems to have stuck, its slowly becoming his real identity as agent Twilight the man who burnt away his previous identity and swore to never be more than just a spy, more than just an agent is slowly forging, creating a new mask. A mask that is him, a mask that is so similar to Redacted, and it scares him.

It's something that he doesn't know how or why he is doing but it's a process that is taking place and funnily enough for such an introspective and analytical mam Loid Forger doesn't realise that he is doing this. No, it's actually nightfall that realises this and quickly points it out in chapter 30. She can see it, and the fandom can see it. We have had hints towards agent twilight losing his cool and his true nature emerging. We see this when he gets angry and punches the desk during the Eden academy interview, we see this in every little small and big gesture that he does towards his family lamely justifying it to be for the mission. We see this when he quickly retorts that they shouldn't kill yuri because it would harm the mission.

We see it. We literally joke about it. Everyone is almost aware of it, but Loid isn't, well, that is until he is. The aftermath of the wheeler arc we get conformation that Loid is aware to an extent about his care and he so deeply tries to push it down but for the sake of the mission he can never really destory it. He needs to be human, but at this point, it seems a bit like torture, and we see how the guilt builds up on him whether that be through jeeves saying that he wishes for these children to stay unburdened and we see Loid looking at Anya or whether that be through Loid hesitating to actually shoot yuri because it would hurt yor and Loid himself is shown to really value Yor and Yuri's relationship even from the start.

Tragically, it seems like Loid has trapped himself in something so beautiful so human so delicate and he knows he has to pull away he knows that it's going to end he knows that it's now actively effecting him a man who is supposed to be hardened by war a man who is supposed to do the unspeakable for the greater good now hesitates at merely taking a human life.

At the end of the day, Agent Twilight must abandon what he had forged when the mission is complete he must again burn away that humanity and that identity, but this time it's going to hurt. This time, it will feel like grief, and he knows it.

However, there could be an answer, and I think it's within nightfall character. The wheeler arc seems to introduce nightfall as a direct contrast to Twilight as she is someone whose strengths are highlighted and are even stronger when she is protecting someone that she cares for. Twilight views emotions as weaknesses, but nightfall strength that saved him comes from those emotions, and it's very likely that twilight would come to that same conclusion as he is also someone who is shown and was hinted at being very emotional even when he wasn't supposed to be his conversations with franky show this best.