#swers

[arikasugar]

you don’t need to be thin to be successful in sw

you don’t need to be thin to be successful in sw

you don’t need to be thin to be successful in sw

you don’t need to be thin to be successful in sw

just be confident in who you are.

[powerlineprincess]

Another Lamb. 2023♡b&w 35mm♡K.E.A Lux Hill

[kissmethroughthebone]

Some self-reflection...

I definitely don't respect men with kids my age who want to get it on with me. At least have the nerve to not reproduce, so that the whole "older guy going for young attractive model" thing can be just that, and not so visibly "the model is only 3 years older than your kid".

And I know my inherent misandry and impatience did a two hit combo on a guy who fit that exact description recently.

Bald middle aged Indian dude. The type of man to praise me (and repeatedly talk over me) for not drinking when we first met at a bar of a comedy show, then over text, suggest our next meet-up be at a jazz bar and restaurant.

Not the worst thing in the world, (and actually sounded like a nice tempting first meet for a Friday night; I had been interested in the jazz bar, and the restaurant suggestion was actually a favorite of mine that I had been to before.....) but, a man monologuing about how absolutely good it is that I don't drink alcohol, just to be all "Let's go to this bar and then dinner", and "You like champagne/wine/rose?" a day or so later is..... not great.

Not to mention his lack of manners in letting me get a word in edge-wise. Not a great trait, but I was open to blaming that on the noisy bar, a socially awkward personality type on him, and him being too excited to talk to a woman easily.

And of course I never believe a man when he says he wants to be "just friends"; I've never interacted with him before, and he's significantly older. The only person in my life who is 100% that, is a taken man. (Who does date girls my age, or even younger.) There's nothing that I, a 23 year old fly black girl, could be "friends" with that man, about.

And funny enough, he was also the type that got weird when I mentioned wanting to text a bit more before our meetup to get to know each other, (code for "I don't know you well enough to know if I can handle or tolerate a prolonged 30+ minute non-alcoholic beverage and dinner with you, so I wanna know about your life/politics/otherwise so that neither person has a bad shock and any time wasted",) and he was all "Well we are meeting tomorrow......... right?"

.............Rubbed me the wrong way.

Overall, let's just say I'm not interested in dates with men who want to see me for free or for very little.

My phone ended up breaking the morning of our date. 135 dollars.

I'm a strong believer in "Why would I give a man my presence, if he can't do anything for me?" I like and require all the men on my roster to be able to help. If I have multiple men hovering around and none can do a thing for me, physically, mentally, emotionally, or financially, then that's a problem.

Was I about to see a bald middle-aged man for an awkward drink at a bar, some condescending rants and impromptu speeches and monologues, and a plate of food at a decent place that I could be enjoying with a younger, cuter, richer and more polite man?

Not with a broken screen. The way my temper is, I can't stand men who want to be in my presence when I am broke. Like, why are you here?

Then he gets the luxury of looking like The Man to everyone else. Fist bumps in the bathroom from the other men there, winks from waiters, all of that. Looking like a man who can pull and has an It Factor. Meanwhile, I get a headache, that turns into a migraine.... And some enjoyable leftovers to cover up the bad taste in my mouth of being around a not great man.

And I wouldn't even have the luxury to type on here about how well (or poorly) my date had gone. Because, smashed phone screen. And yet, some man got to enjoy oggling me up and down for free.

Ew.

I know, I know. I could've strategized more. I could've gone on the date, maybe had the experience of it and seen how well I can bond with a man and play the long game. Hook, line, and sink. Make a man build an attachment first and charm him well, right?

But I also figured, "Remember the last few times when you went on dates with old men, and they usually just went on extremely stupid rants, while attempting lovebombing or perversion? Then had the nerve to hesitate to discuss allowance or not offer shit?"

Like oh suuuure, old man almost triple my age, I'll scour the Craigslist marketplace free section and haul a dingy piece of furniture home because you think it's "too soon" to be a man and help get me a dresser. But meanwhile he didn't think it was too soon to try to massage my neck in his car or ask filthy questions. (UGH I cringe, I cringe, HARD).

And I am not a patient person when it comes to things like this. Or a nice one. Like oh, you take me for a fool? You want all the privileges of my company and not want to improve my life quality, despite your abundance?

Now you're no better than an ant on a picnic blanket to me; something to flick away.

Debating on if I lean more into being unafraid to cut men off immediately (seems to be going well so far) or working on my charm, and the best ways to test if a man is generous pre-meet.....

Some ladies can do it well. "It appears I have to cancel our date tonight, I had my phone break and I have to work out the details on how I can pay for that to get it fixed", to make him have the urge to suggest helping himself like it was his idea... Or other tactics. Still have to learn, feel free to give insight.

I did a more straightforward technique of telling him what happened, how it ruined my day. He said "I hope our drinks and date can make it better". I said "I think a little money to help get it fixed could make it better, that way I can focus on just our nice date. I would like to see you tonight, I was looking forward to it."

He didn't say much aside from "Thank you for considering seeing me." Vague, and felt like a blatant dismissal or a hint to cancelling our plans. And, well, I felt relieved.

And simultaneously, a bit annoyed, frankly.

I forget how much time passed before I got a tad hotheaded, and simply said something about how not wanting to help is understandable, but I have no reason to meet as a "friend" with a man who has a college-school son my age...

Working on stabilizing my blood pressure, and also noticing that my hotheadedness is a vice at times, and a blessing at other times. Like yeah, one can say my hotheadedness stopped me from a multi-course pre-fixe meal at my favorite restaurant, but on the other end of it, I also saved myself from a man with massive red flags a week ago with this same temperament.

If being entitled to my own autonomy and standards makes the worst men ever flee from me, then let me continue on and enjoy such!

But on the bright side, I did enjoy a night at home watching video game streams and listening to the most popular rap beef right now, and if I instead utilized my time and energy to buy hair products, suffer detangling my 4c hair in the shower, adorn myself in amazing jewels and a cute outfit, and tolerated that evening with that man, I would've probably ended up cold, annoyed, and frustrated.

And instead, I had the time of my life and made massive strides for things I wanted done around my place. Even invited over L on my roster to help me clean and organize, had a great time with a hot younger guy who actually put in the work with me.

Plus it's unsafe to go out with a broken phone anyway. Not like I lived far from the restaurant at all, not at all, but still... All in all, I can picture being not great if I scraped myself together looking fly all for a man to, at the end of a date with lovebombing and gaslighting galore, to go "I can't do that, I don't know you that well!"

Better to stay home with my hair wild, peanut butter sandwiches, and a lot of blankets. My own company, always.

Anyway, ta-ta for now.

[agirlnamedbone]

Dana Dentata ph. Ericka Clevenger

[sailorsagi]

Come get me Tiger

[iww-gnv]

SEATTLE (AP) — For months, Andrea studied for her master’s degree in library sciences between dancing naked at clubs in Seattle. But then she was sexually assaulted at work and slapped by a customer — and nobody stepped in to help. Now, she and hundreds of other strippers in Washington state are fighting for statewide protections that would be the most comprehensive in the U.S., according to advocates. “We shouldn’t be verbally abused for just doing our job and existing,” said Andrea, who has seen a DJ at one club harass dancers if they don’t tip him enough. She avoids the club if he’s there, said the 24-year-old, who would only use her first name. The Associated Press does not identify people who say they have been sexually assaulted. Known as the “strippers’ bill of rights,” proposals being considered in the Legislature would require a security guard at each club, keypad codes to enter dressing rooms, training for employees on preventing sexual harassment, and procedures if a customer is violent. They would also require training on how to de-escalate conflict between dancers, employees and customers, and signs stating that dancers are not required to hand over tips.

[arikasugar]

What do you think about blogs that say sugar blogs are irresponsible?

put simply, I think they’re wrong.

I think many of them are coming from a good place in an attempt to look out for others. some of them may have even been part of the scene themselves and may want to educate others on the dark side of hypergamy to keep them from getting hurt, but they often do so in such a way that demonizes hypergamy as a whole, and holding views like that doesn’t help in the way that they think it does.

both sex work and the act of marrying for status, network, and wealth have been going on for a very, very long time. no amount of fear mongering or swerf ideology is going to change that. there will always be sex workers and there will always be hypergamy. they aren’t going anywhere, and vilifying those practices will only hurt those who turn to it rather than discourage anyone from doing it.

so long as sugar blogs and sw blogs operate on honesty and safety above all else, there is absolutely nothing irresponsible about it. I will always take educating others on the good, the bad, and the ugly of this lifestyle so that they can decide if this path is right for them over some watered down, repackaged purity culture meant to keep people sheltered and in the dark. but that’s just me.

xoxo

[powerlineprincess]

2023 b&w 35mm film♡K.E.A Lux Hill

[pumpomulos]

[agirlnamedbone]

Erin M. Riley | "2014 Porn Grid" | Wool, Cotton 100" x 72" | 2016

[thoughtportal]

[daisydoestaxes]

Myth vs Fact: Do SWers pay tax?

SWers pay self-employment tax AND income tax on all of their independent earnings. Many people in many professions engage in tax avoidance, and singling out SWers only serves to ignore bigger issues and scapegoat a marginalized community.

[powerlineprincess]

The Dancer. 2023☆b&w 35mm☆K.E.A Lux Hill

[sadshirleytemple]

if you don’t like cats, twerking, Yellowjackets and girls/gays/theys, you’re gonna have a bad time here

[agirlnamedbone]

"Let yourself be loved by the warm embrace of two goddesses devoted to the abolition of stigma in all of its forms. Love and accept yourself and settle for nothing less then respect compassion care and of course love from a gatekeeping, alienating and deranged society of judgment and fear! Made to order! Beautiful woven abolish stigma blanket 40 x 60, celebrate sex workers rights month, day year, infinity by buying a sex worker you love this blanket! Additionally Created with all stigmatized people in mind."

by sinderellasindicate (artist Alice Aster) on depop

[my-darling-dopamine]

Dm for uncensored 🥴 $15