#swaddle set girl
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comfymommy · 1 year ago
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Shop Stylish Maternity Sets & Robes with Matching Dad Shirt | Comfy Mommy Shop 
We offer a variety of options, Stylish maternity robe and swaddle set for boys and girls, and maternity robes perfect for the hospital. Prepare for your maternity journey with essentials like a maternity hospital bag, and explore the comfort of our maternity bathrobe. Buy Now!
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queenlucythevaliant · 1 year ago
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We see him come and know him ours
Russia: "Carol of the Russian Children," traditional // Kenya: The Nativity, Elima Njau // France: "Bring a Torch, Jeanette Isabella," Nicolas Saboly // Haiti: Madonna and Child, Ismael Saincilus // Australia: "The Three Drovers," William James // China: Tryptic by Lu Hongnian // Canadian/Algonquian: "Huron Carol," Jean de Brébeuf
#the visual depictions are lovely#but what really gets me every time are the little cultural details in the music#music that tells the story of the Nativity while placing it in a world that's familiar to the listener#fur robed moujiks on snowboard plateaus in place of middle eastern shepherds#bark lodges instead of stables and rabbit skin in place of swaddling clothes#wandering hunter and chiefs from far off places instead of shepherds and wise men (man i love the Huron Carol)#and little french girls running to gather the village to come see Jesus#it's easy for an excess of historical concern to make Jesus feel distant and far off#/I know/ that Jesus was born in the ancient near east and have had my fill of books and sermons and the like unpacking the implications#I've laughed with my friends and family at the wild inaccuracies of Nativity sets and tellings#the crazy blonde mary in the kids nativity set at Walmart#what is that alpaca doing at the living Nativity don't they know those are south American?#yada yada#and then i look at these carols and think. it's okay not to get mired in the history. good even#yes Jesus entered into time and space in a very specific manner#but he also came for all of us#as another carol says: we see him come and know him ours#i just think this practice is lovely#that the impact of the Incarnation was such that it send little french girls running to their villages#and drew algonquin hunters and russian peasants to the manger to see him#it's the great crowd of witnesses in a way#all of us together preparing him room throughout all the corners of the earth#in Bethlehem that night it was only the shepherds who got to see him#but in spirit it was all of us#because it's just like the angel said:#good news of great joy which will be to all people#to all people#starting with the shepherds and going out to all the earth#unto us a child is born#intertextuality
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stylemykid · 1 year ago
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Sleep Suit For Babies And Its Benefits
Nowadays, swaddle blankets are gaining much fame for their top-class benefits and long-term effects. You must know that the swaddle blanket for your baby is a top choice if you are looking for improved sleep benefits for your baby. The sleep schedule of your baby may indeed get affected due to many hidden reasons.
You can not only help your baby stay stress-free but can provide a good amount of calming effects so that the baby can sleep for long hours without chaos. Are you someone who keeps searching for the world-class benefits and advantages of the sleep suit for babies or the swaddle blanket for baby at reasonable rates? If Yes. This article is the best choice for people and folks who want to know more about swaddle blanket or sleep suit for baby.
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Sleep Suit For Babies
Swaddle Blanket For Cozy And Comfortable Environment      
There are many things that you may have to do if you want to provide your baby with the right amount of sleep or wish to develop their sleeping habits. Introducing your baby to the swaddle blanket is a great choice if you want to provide a cozy environment for your baby. Sometimes, your baby may not be able to sleep if your baby is anxious or stressed for many reasons.
You can take the help of a swaddle blanket if you want your baby to have uninterrupted sleeping hours without stress and anxiety. The swaddle can provide a good amount of gentle pressure on your baby, which will allow your baby to stay calm and relaxed.
Technically, the temperature of your baby’s body may get influenced for various reasons. Sometimes, your baby may feel extremely cold, which may affect the health of your baby. You can help your baby to sleep or do activities without chaos with the help of a swaddle blanket.
The role of a swaddle blanket is indeed huge when it comes to regulating the body temperature of your baby. Sometimes, your baby may get scratches due to many inadvertent activities. The delicate skin of your baby can stay protected if you choose the best swaddle blankets for your baby. Using swaddle blankets can help people reduce the risk of skin irritation in babies.
Try Out The Easy To Use Sleep Suits
Many babies may face trouble in taking naps or may not sleep easily. You can offer your babies easier naps if you use the best quality swaddle blankets. The wearable blankets or sleepsuits are extremely amazing choices if you want your baby to sleep in a safe environment. Modern mothers can go for sleep suits if they want to avoid using loose blankets for their babies.
There can be many suffocation hazards that can come due to many reasons. Sometimes, your baby may suffocate due to the huge loose blankets in an improper manner. You can use sleep suits if you want to provide your baby with a warm atmosphere where the baby can sleep comfortably without suffocation. The sleep suits are very easy to use, and you can find these in a variety of styles. The sleep suits can make your baby enjoy good sleep hours in any kind of weather condition.
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yeyinde · 4 months ago
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baby blues
John Price + the panic of fatherhood x reader
pregnancy. babies. soft. sappy. angsty. slight allusions to rough sex. John being possessive and smitten. allusions to childhood trauma. the fear of children is somehow more potent than the fear of god. girl dad John. mentions of Price's divorce lmao
Most assume he'd take to fatherhood like he'd been born for the role; handcrafted to cradle a swaddled babe in his arms. The perfect father figure. But as he hovers over your sleeping form, the little bundle nestled in the sleepy bracket of your arms, he's overcome with a sense of dread that punches hard enough to shatter bone.
The reality is this: Price doesn't understand kids. He wants them. Covets them with a viciousness that almost immediately sets alarm bells off in the heads of those who were opposed to the idea of children, parenthood. Giving birth. But when it comes to being a dad, a role model, an effigy to siphon wisdom and knowledge off of, he flounders. Hesitates.
All he has as an idea of fatherhood is bruises laughed off by the neighbours as him being a clumsy boy. A man who drank in the living room, silent in his fury, his belligerence, until something—anything, really—set him off. He always seemed like he was itching for a reason to punish.
And god, was he ever fucking good at it.
If anger issues are hereditary, then Price picked up the generational slack of his seething ancestors. 
It's this, and the plethora of scars and burns that decorate his skin (well hidden, tucked away like a dirty secret because if Old Man Price was anything, it certainly wasn't stupid; he knows how to hide the ugliness of himself away, and how to turn a boy into a punching bag without causing too much damage, too much alarm) that make him ache something fierce when he sees his chubby little child for the first time. 
Price doesn't know how to be gentle. All he has are worn, rough hands and a constant stench of smoke. A voice that makes grown men tremble. An ire unmatched thus far in his life. 
Until you. Little spitfire. His hellion. You stood on the tips of your toes just to tell him off for being a stubborn pig! and then taught him how to hold you. How to be tender. But even now, he can see the wear on your skin from his bites. His propensity for violence that he morphs into desire. Into lust. 
How is he supposed to be a dad when he's this caustic? This mean? 
The answer doesn't come. All he gets is the rhythmic sigh of your breath as you sleep, well and truly exhausted after giving birth to their child. All alone. A constant in your lives, it seems. Aloneness. His work takes him away, throws him into dangerous situations. And you carry the brunt of it. 
It caused the rupture of his first marriage and is a needling fear he carried with him when you started pursuing him some odd years ago. To think that he'd be standing here now, gazing down at you with your heavy eyes and your soft cheeks, rounded with the additional weight you gained during your early trimesters. A plushness he's trying to keep on you for good—all softened edges, flesh that gives when he touches you, marshmallows out between his fingers when he squeezes.
You look good like this. Motherhood, despite your misgivings (it took three years of him hinting and hounding you before you'd relented with a sure, what's the worst that could happen? We're terrible parents and raise a terrible kid? Or we end up the catalyst for a list of psychological issues and get reamed out during their therapy sessions later on in life?), suits you. Fits you like a glove.
A fact you'd been quietly overwhelmed by in the first few months, grieving the loss of something he couldn't ever understand, or experience. A piece of yourself morphing into the mother that raised you. A kaleidoscope of feelings that you choke on when he asks, unable to render them into coherent words. 
But you're good at that, aren't you? Good at culling expectations, at superseding the limits others place on you. Even him. 
Especially him. 
When he'd said, don't know what you're gettin’ yourself into, love, you took it to the chin like he challenged you to a brawl, and set out to show him why you knew what this was, what he was, and why it didn't matter much. 
Even now—
Giving birth all alone. Overcoming the isolation of being shackled to a man who married his post first. Sisterwife to his career. Second in all things. 
Even this. 
He was in Iceland when he got the call. Laswell, of all people, was on the other line telling him his own wife was in the delivery room. Water broke. Baby is on the way. 
And you—
Don't worry, old man. Just do what needs to be done and we'll be waiting. Always. 
—well. You certainly are. Alone in a hospital room with the curtains drawn to blot out the sun as you sleep, cradling this thing he made with his fingers shoved deep into your mouth, uttering foul under his breath as he crushed you to the bed, rutting you like an animal—the most tender he could ever be—and he's suddenly all too aware of his own inadequacies. His shortcomings. Failures. 
He's not a dad. He's not the sort of man people think about when they think healthy father figure. He likes cigars and whiskey, and sometimes aches for a mission that will let him cut his knuckles on teeth—bloodletting; exorcising his demons out on the people he's sanctioned to kill. How is he supposed to guide a child when he threw a man over a railing without a second thought—
The bundle stirs. Wrinkled, red face scrunching up tight. Little thing is just like you, huh? All softness and give. All—
They cry, and it's shrill. Loud. It jars him.
Not the sound, but the anguish he feels piercing through his chest as they bellow out their confusion to the world, this lost little thing. Strapped with a father who was beaten black and blue and told to be a man when he cried. 
But right now—anger is the furthest thing on his mind. He can't fathom that emotion when his child is whimpering in your arms, chubby little fingers grasping at the air. Seeking comfort. 
Waking you feels cruel when you've spent the better part of two days awake. Four, really. You couldn't sleep when the contractions hit, wide-eyed and worried about everything. What if something went wrong? If they hated you? What if you hurt them—
Worries he tried to assuage, but couldn't deny he felt them, too. 
All he knows how to do is hurt. But as he reaches down for this little thing squirming in your arms, he tells himself to be tender. To be the man his dad never was. 
And they're soft. So fuckin’ soft. Tiny, too. His hands dwarf them, engulfing them completely. He tries to blame the way he trembles on the denial of nicotine for so long, but the mist in his eyes, and the burn in his throat, call him a liar. He doesn't know what to do. Even with all the hours spent thumbing through manuals and books and scoffing under his breath at the parenting courses you dragged him to (but paid rigid attention to every word the heavily bangled woman said to him), he feels lost. Unsure. The ground is shaky. Control slips. And that's maybe the crux of it all—
Babies can't be controlled. And it's the loss of this, what makes him whole, keeps him steady, that has him feeling rubber-limbed and fawn-like. 
“Quiet, now,” he murmurs, and then winces at the rough drag of his voice in the silence of the room. Too firm, too forceful. All the gentleness he has in his bones was devoured by your greedy mouth when you cracked him open like the legs of a snow crab, marrow slurped up until he was hollow. Empty. His tenderness rests inside your belly. What else does he have to give—
But the warm bundle in his awkward, clumsy hold stops their shrill cries. A girl, he remembers you saying. Crying. Sobbing into the phone when he called, all ugly and gross. He heard you sniffle, snot undoubtedly dribbling from your nose as you wept to him about how fucking cute their baby was. Their little girl. 
She's soft. Smells of a newborn, too—something powdery. Sweet. Warmed milk, fresh bread. The clinical books that made you squeamish, the ones that outlined every anatomical and chemical change to your body, mentioned that newborns smelled distinct to each parent. A phenomenon meant to encourage protection and bonding. 
It made you shiver, muttering my little parasite under your breath, even as your hand curved possessively over your bulging belly. 
He knows that's what this is. Chemical. His mind is evolving, shifting. Changing. And it's then that he feels something hot thicken in his throat. Something ugly, and bitter. The scars on his knuckles, the cigarette burns on his fingers are a sharp reminder of what his father felt and ignored. 
He scoffs, then, irritated at himself. He's a grown man and still—
Still thinks of him. 
“Won't be like that,” he says, still rough. Still firm. She blinks up at him, eyes rheumy and wide. “Not with you.” 
Never. Never. He pins the word to his pericardium, letting it rot his tissue. He'd rather die, he thinks, than ever hurt this little girl. But despite that, he knows he will. Inevitably. Just like he does everything good—or bad—in his life. Leaching from the goodness of others, sucking them dry and letting them moulder. A disappointment everywhere except the battlefield where he screams himself hollow and rents the air with his ire. Incorrigible. Immovable. An object of cruelty. Unforgiving in all aspects. A curse that follows him home, into his marital bed when he pins you down, and makes you profess your love for the beast inside of him. Never satiated, never quelled, until you're shackled at his side. Tucked away from the world he knows is too cruel to people like you who end up a corpse he has to step over on his way for empty retribution. 
He thinks, too, about all the ways he's going to ruin this chubby little thing in his arms, and wishes, suddenly, he was a better man. 
“Gonna hate my fuckin' guts when you're sixteen, aren't you?” In response, this little thing just opens its red maw and blows bubbles. He huffs. “You're gonna be nothin’ but trouble, mm? Steal my car. Crash it because your mum's gonna teach you how to drive and she backed into the garage six times already. Gonna gang up on me. Both of you. Little nightmares.” 
He's not sure what else to say, and thinks, already, that he said too much. Bared his belly to her too soon. She'll have this memory, buried down in the deep recesses of her psyche of her father falling to pieces while he held her. An impossibility, he knows, but can't shake the feeling that this, in itself, is an epoch. A marker for what's to come. All the ugly, the hate. The screaming matches that make him curl his hand into fists as she levels his failures at him. Not to hit. Never to hit. But to stop the tremble that won't stop. That has already started. The shake in his joints that tell him to run before he hurts. Before he ruins this precious mass of his blood and your tissue in his arms. 
“Gonna—” he isn't crying. Isn't. But there's a thickness in his throat as he thinks about how quickly she'll grow up. Age marked in the crows feet that gather around your eyes. The laugh lines. “Gonna be a fuckin' menace, and I'll—” he chokes, then, when she reaches up with a pudgy, red fist and snags the strap of his vest he didn't even bother taking off before he fled here. Fat, tiny fingers curling into the spot he grabs to ground himself from lashing out. “Fuck.”
He'd burn the world for her, he knows. Sacrifice everyone and everything just to keep her warm. Both of you. It begins and ends with this little thing that has your eyes and his nose. 
But he doesn't know how to translate that into love. Into affection. 
It comes out caustic. Abrasive. Possessive. 
And he is. 
Now that he has her in his hands he knows that nothing else will ever compare. That they'll never be empty because she'll always fit in his palms no matter how big she gets. There's only ever been enough space in his heart for you. Chiselled into with a fuckin’ pickaxe because you wouldn't wait for it to grow on its own. 
But there's give, he realises. This domicile you carved yourself has a room attached. A place for her. And she fits like a glove. Sliding inside. Cocooned against his pulse. 
He loves her. Endlessly. Forever. She deserves better. More. 
But when he tells her this, she makes a noise and it sounds like a giggle. 
“Laughin’ at me already, mm?”
She giggles again, and he likes that her laugh is a little ugly. A little mean. 
“Scarin’ the wits outta me,” he confesses, shifting her weight as she occupies herself with the clasp of his vest, disinterested in the man that breaks into pieces around her now. “I don't know—fuck, I don't—”
You come to in a panic. It starts as a slow roll to the side before your eyes flash open, wide and furious even as sleep congeals in the corners, pawing at the empty spot where the lingering warmth of your child presses into your chest. Anger, fury, darkens over your brow, and the apoplectic rage that simmers in the gaps of your dread, your fostering panic, softens him. Makes him melt. The burn of your ire, your fear, liquifying his bones. 
He falls in love with you a little bit more at that moment. When the snarl rucks your upper lip up, up, teeth bared to the world as you whip your head around in frantic, desperate dismay, searching for the little girl he knows you, too, will burn the world for. 
“I've got her,” he says, whisper-soft and low. Cadence even, clear. Tries to quell the howl he can see hammering its fists against your throat before it rips from your lips and scorches the world around you in a hail of horrifying anguish. “She's safe.”
It says something when you immediately go still at the sound of his voice, muscles going lax, slack, as you slowly turn your head toward him, blinking against the fog clotting your vision. Something that cuts him to the core. Rents his chest in halves. One side for you, and the other for her. Nothing left to spare. 
This feeling brimming in his chest sweetens when you startle at the sight of him, them, lashes shuttering like an old camera as if you were trying to sear the image in your head forever. Branded on the back of your eyelids. (A sentiment he knows all too well considering the stream of photos added to his camera roll of you and her nuzzled together.)
“You—” your voice catches, breaks from sleep. Fatigue. You swallow, slowly licking your lips. “When did you get in?”
Your eyes are glued to them. Unblinking. Widened with pure affection, the intensity of which makes him want to touch you, hold you.
“A few hours ago,” he murmurs, glancing down at his—
It cuts a jagged line through his chest. Knicks his bone with how deep it goes. False starts pressed tight to his heart. 
—his daughter. Fuck’s sake. 
He's choked. Strangled. Rendered mute, immobilised. It guts him, this. Daughter. The ring of it echoes in his head, filling the recesses of his mind. Embedding itself within his head. Congealed over. Fixed in place. 
“I have a fuckin’ daughter,” he breathes at length, the air knocked from his lungs. He's not sure why this is what breaks him, but it does. And it's you, then, holding the fracturing pieces together, hands reaching out—in a startling mimicry of his daughter, and fuck, doesn't that just eviscerate him—and curling against the heaving brackets of his ribs, boxing him in. 
“John,” you say, but your voice wobbles. Wavers. When he peels his eyes away from the sleepy yawn she lets out long enough to look at you, there's tears flooding your lashline. Threatening to break. “Fuck,” you say, crass and beautiful, and he's overcome with the urge to tuck you into his other arm, keep you both cradled in his hands. “Don't make me cry or my stitches will tug.” 
“We've got a daughter,” he says again, just to hear it uttered aloud. We. Yours. His. It messes with him. Bludgeons into his core. “We've—”
“She's beautiful, isn't she?” 
Your words shatter him, but the pinch of your hands on his waist keeps him from buckling. 
“Yeah,” he rasps, voice thick. Ugly. It's mangled in his throat. All fractured and raw. “Just like her mother.”
He shows his affection in the burn of his embrace. In the way he holds you tight, refusing to let go. Keeps his words callous and firm. Soft utterances, declarations of love, tucked away in the sure, greedy way he clings to you in his sleep. Yields to you like no one else. Lets you in. 
And he supposes he ought to say it more often if the way your face crinkles up just like his daughter when she cried, tears spilling over your rounded cheeks. 
“Don't,” you heave, ugly and brittle, and he thinks you're the prettiest thing he'd ever seen in his life. “Don't or I'll rip my stitches—”
He huffs. Nods only once, and then steps toward you. “Do you want—?”
“Keep her for a little while,” you mutter, leaning back into the bed, eyes lidded by fond. So in love with him, the picture they paint, it's almost sickening. “She likes you.”
He snorts. “She's only three hours old. Give her time.” 
You're quiet for a beat. Pensive. Mulling something over. It's never a good thing when you're silent, and the unease that grows in his belly is justified when you heave out a long, tired exhale through your nose. 
The way you look at him is raw. “You're not your father, John.” 
And isn't that just the worst lie he'd ever heard.
He scoffs, then. Shifts his weight, still cradling his daughter tight to his chest. “Mm, 'dunno about that.”
“I do.”
“Jus’—” leave it. Keep going. Keep feeding him lies as he stands here and pretends that he wasn't a horrible bastard for wanting this from you. From taking it. Strapping you with a man who's always, always, one foot out the door—
“No.” You say, soft and sure. “You're not him. I know you're not because you're still here.”
“So was he.” 
You don't acknowledge the interruption. Content, it seems, to rattle off lies and half-truths into the stifling air. Your eyes close, the curve of your lashes leonine. Breathtaking.
“Do you want me to take her?” You ask instead of the multitude of things he can see piling behind your eyes. Some of the ugly. Jagged glass. Others powder soft. 
He shakes his head. “You need your rest,” it's a half-truth. Fatigue clings to you still, swathed in the purpling of your skin. The slow, heavy blinks you take to try and fight the tug of an artificial sleep. 
But the real reason is this:
He's just not ready to let her go. 
Thinks, viciously, suddenly, that if he does, this moment built between them in budding, liquid blue will cease forever. Severed too soon. She'll carry the same resentment in her heart he feels for his own father, and he'll die in a shallow pit thinking about how badly he wanted just a second longer. 
Generational, right? Trickle down hatred. Ancestral rage. It's what your grandma talks about sometimes over tea and fried bread, half disbelieving you brought a white man into her home, and making a show, a facade, of wisdom even though he spotted the how to raise a child notebook she hastily shoved into the kitchen drawer when you arrived. Taking over in place of your own mother, stepping up. And yet—
She just doesn't get it, you said, rubbing your hands over your belly when she steps away after another long-winded conversation about traditions, spirits, and dead languages. Raising a child like yours in a world like this. She's just. I don't know. Ignore her. 
(He doesn't. But you don't have to know that.)
So. He clings to her a little tighter. Holds her a little firmer. Brings her close to his chest and hopes she can hear the echo of his heartbeat and know that this tired, old song is just for her. 
(The heart itself for you—)
And maybe—
Maybe he's not quite ready to see you be a mother. Some perverse part of him is already trembling at the promise of watching you nurture and feed her, the tantalising whisper is enough to make the air in his lungs turn humid, sticky. Tar, you remind him sometimes, having seen the ugly spatter of black in the grainy photos the doctor in Hereford likes to shove at him. Never too late to reverse the damage, John. 
Or maybe he wants you for himself just a moment longer. An hour. A day. When you're still you, shackled and bound to a man who reeks of stale tobacco, and started sneaking cigarettes in the dead of night like some pimply, awkward teenager when you first came to him, cheeks wet and eyes wild, and said:
“John, I'm—”
Pregnant. 
He did it, of course. Put that baby in you. Made it with his teeth buried into your throat and your hips canting up to meet him, taking everything he had to offer. Animal aggression. Nothing tender in the way he chewed you up, made you beg him for it. But still—
Wanting and having are worlds apart, aren't they? 
Faced with it, the consequences of his actions, he's at a standstill. 
You hum, and when your eyes slide open, he feels the mallet against his head. Cracked open. You fossick about until you find what you're looking for. Cheeky fuckin’ thing—
“Fine. Just pull up a chair before you keel over, old man.” 
“M’fine,” he grouses in that voice that serves as a dice roll between making you feel hot or homicidal depending on the mood he catches you in. Muttering something under your breath that sounds like a whispered plea for guidance (“tss, gimme strength.”)
But even with the waspish denial, he's inching closer to the spare chair left in the corner, looping his ankle around the leg to slide it closer. The squeal of rubber on aluminium makes him grimace, eyes darting down to his sleeping girl, nestled in his arms. Her brow pinches in the same way your grandma’s do when she's annoyed by the news. Her bingomates. The way he refuses her offering of burning tobacco and lemongrass whenever he goes away for a while, unable to really commit to this little, broken family that feels more like home than his own ever did. 
(“aint my place,” he says, and she scoffs. 
“fuck, s'matter wit’cha?” is her counter, the harsh line between her brows now perfectly superimposed on his daughter’s face. “tss. ain't yer place, eh. are you tryna piss me off? fuck, you make me mad—”)
He sees that spitting anger in you. Generational, he knows. The same inherited attitude his daughter will inevitably have. The one that singles him out as an outlier. Outnumbered. Three, now, to one—
There's got to be a reason why his chest bubbles, innervated by the thought of a Sunday dinner when she's old enough to watch her grandma make intricate bracelets, necklaces, earrings, and pins with thread and glass beads as you, her mother, cuss at the stove that doesn't burn as hot as it used to, flipping over golden dough in a sizzling pan. 
Orange juice in old cups your grandma kept since the nineties. Something soft playing on the radio. The peeling, waterlogged wallpaper flakes off the wall when you slam the pan down too hard. The way the spill of the sun through the rusting window rents the room in half. Pale yellow and oak. Little orange blossoms in soft pink above the speckled granite countertops. Everything awash in a gossamer of sleepy-eyed affection. 
Just like it is now. But—
He looks down at her, head full of lead. Cotton. 
Complete, maybe. 
“Don't know how to be a dad,” he confesses to you, and thinks of how much easier it is to slam a sledgehammer into a metal door than it is to peel back the veneer sometimes. “Don't want to mess up.” 
“You'll be fine.” 
The crinkle of the plastic mattress, the scratch of the sheets sliding across the bed is louder now than it was before. He cuts the gentle sounds with an abrading hum that clicks off his teeth. 
“Get some sleep,” he says again instead of the awful truth that buoys in his throat. Things like you don't know and I tricked you this whole time into thinking I'm a good man and look what you’ve let me do to you. “You need it.” 
Another noise. In his periphery, he watches you lean back against the upright pillows, lips parted on a soft sigh. He feels—
Small, then. An oxymoron considering he has to duck his head to get in and out of the room, towering over most he meets daily. But the inadequacies gut him. Vivisect him. He should be more comforting to you, he knows. This whole thing has been difficult. Tiresome. Cut into and having the life you grew inside of you cut out—
“Did good,” he rasps, still staring down at her even as he pulls the chair as close to your bed as he can get. “With her.” 
You snort. It's inelegant. Ugly. Brittle, like you're holding back tears. 
When he glances up, he finds that you are. “You're strong,” he adds, and knows he should have started with this first. “Doin’ this all on your own.” 
“I had help.”
It's awkward trying to adjust himself in the seat with his daughter perched in his arms, but he finds a way. Settled, then, with her still sleeping away, he lifts his hand from her back, keeping her cradled in his arm with the other, and reaches for you. 
The starchy sheets catch on the bramble of hair on his knuckles, the back of his hand, and the static jolts tickle against the rough scar tissue thickened over his knuckles, some still fresh, scabbed from the latest mission he'd been deployed to. You watch him, misty-eyed and tremulous, as he draws nearer, eyes flickering like a pendulum between the bundle nestled on the thick of his arm, to him, watching you back. Greedily taking in every spasm, every blink. 
Something inside of him cracks. Softens. He thinks, breathless, that you've never been as beautiful to him as you are right now. Bubbles of snot in your nose. Eyes reddened, dropping from exhaustion. A dizzying mess. The sort that speaks of tireless work, of physicality. Muted pain brimming in the backs of your eyes when you pull on your stitches. 
“Got a pretty wife,” he says, and it's not enough. He knows it isn't. Looks away before the fracture lilt to his tone breaks him in two. “And—” it's hard to say. He forces himself to. “And a beautiful daughter.” 
The tears stream down your face at this quiet, clumsy admission. 
“Don't—” you sniffle, hoarse. “Or I'll tear my stitches.”
“M’not doin' anythin’, love.” 
“Fuck you, John—”
He leans back in his chair with a hum, eyes slipping shut. A brief respite amid the panic still clinging tight to his ribcage. “Love you too.” 
It's quiet. Nothing but the soft drag of each breath his daughter takes, the tremulous sniffle you give as you try to dam the tears sliding down your cheeks. His heart hammering in his ears. He commits it all to memory. Glueing it to the fibrils of mind where it'll stay, embedded in tissue, for as long as he is of sound mind. 
Much like the grainy, black-and-white ultrasounds stuffed in his breast pocket. Tucked inside the drawer of his desk where he keeps the pictures of you. Keepsakes he's unnecessarily possessive over, elbowing the rowdier men who try to needle him for sparse information on the little wife he hides at home and the baby they'll never meet. Something just for him. Unshareable to the rest of the world because they don't deserve you. 
The feathered snores tell him you're finally asleep, and he thinks about resting for a moment as well—the bone-deep exhaustion he feels jetting from Iceland to home, to the hospital catches up to him with a vicious kick to temples—but the weight in his arm keeps him awake. Hyperviligent. 
There's this urge clawing at him, making ruins of his chest, and he answers its worried insistence by opening his eyes just a sliver to stare down at the little bundle in his arms only to find she's staring back at him. Eyes wide. Comically too big for her chubby face. 
She has your complexion, but his dark curls. Her eyes, though, are the perfect equilibrium between pools of sapphire, burnt blue, marbled with the dark gleam, that vibrant shade of yours that he's so fond of, the one that's often accompanied by a smart-ass remark. Seeing it gaze up at him with such incipient adoration knocks the air from his lungs. Has his heart shuddering in the brackets of his chest. 
It's love, he thinks first. Instantaneous. Apodictic. And then, cold, callous—
Chemical. 
Just to hurt himself, maybe. Just to let it cut deep. Scar. Because as he stares down at her, he knows it doesn't matter. No amount of hatred, of anger, will ever rip her away from him. His daughter. His family. His.
Like her mother. The root of it all. The catalyst. The start. 
Shackled to this gaping chasm that devours endlessly, never satiated. Always starving. 
Needy. Full of greed. 
Because even now he covets. Craves. Muses to himself about how he can convince you to have another the moment the opportunity arises and you're healed. Whole. Aching for it. 
He wasn't joking when he said he wanted a football team. 
But for now—
The soft sighs you make in your sleep, ones that almost sound like his name, and the comforting weight of his daughter in his arms are enough to make the beast inside purr. Preening under its own conquest, its own victory of successfully turning your body into a home he can rest his weary head on. Sacrosanct. 
He looks at her, then, and feels the dread ease into pride. Into elation. An emotion he knows should have come first, but it's here now, and that's all that really matters.
“Gonna be trouble,” he grouses, watching her pink mouth gape wide, blood-red maw grinning up at him in delirious glee only babies can imbue. Unhindered by the ruination of the world around them. Unfettered. 
Something he couldn't protect you from, but knows you're both on the same wavelength when it comes to her. At all costs, you'd said, hand against the burgeoning swell. And he kissed you until he couldn't feel his lips anymore. Until all he tasted, all he knew, was the taste of you.
“Of the best kind, though, mm?” 
In response, she coos. And he hews the sound into his chest where it sits beside the brand of when you first said, i love you, too, John. 
So, he relaxes. Whispers soft, conspiratorily. "Think you might need'a brother, mm? What'd you say about that?"
And she giggles.
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luveline · 6 months ago
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Spencer’s oldest child (either with reader or previous relationship) wanting to help out with readers baby!
“So…” 
“So,” Spencer echoes, hooking Amy under the arms before she can wriggle away. He props her on the counter, cloth already in hand. 
“About the baby.” 
“What about the baby?” he asks, encouraging her head back gently to wipe her mouth. She’s covered in butter and omelette, a chive stuck to her chin. 
“You know how she’s little?” 
“Yes.” Spencer wipes her face clean very gently. It’s not a good plan, Amy wriggles and squirms away from the warm water and it takes a long time, but Spencer can’t bring himself to be rough. “She’s really little. I know all about it.” 
“And mom is tired.” 
Spencer grins. “Yes, mom is tired.” 
“Can I look after the baby? ‘Cos I’m big?” 
Spencer isn’t in the habit of lying to her, perhaps to the detriment of his own easy life. “Probably not. You are getting bigger, but she’s so little she’s actually quite fragile. We have to be careful to hold her the right way, and to carry her gently, because she’s not done forming. You don’t have the dexterity to do this all the time. Plus, she’s heavy.” Spencer puts the cloth aside. He leans down enough to be face to face with Amy, puckered up for a kiss. 
Amy frowns. Spencer kisses her damp cheek. 
“I do too have dex-trity.” 
“What do you want to do?” 
“I want to look after the baby.” 
“Then who will look after me?” Spencer asks cheekily. 
“Mom.” 
“Okay. Listen,” he takes her face carefully into his hand, wiping at the place where he’d kissed affectionately, “there are ways you can help with the baby. Lots of ways! Stuff we already do, like making dinner, and stuff we’ve been doing to help mom, like washing her clothes and watering her plants.” 
“I love mom so I water the plants, that’s not the baby.” 
“I know,” he says, rubbing her cheek. “That’s why I do it too. But I promise it helps mommy more than you realise when we do this stuff for her.” 
“Let’s do something else.” 
“Like what?” 
“I don’t know.” 
Spencer opens his arms for her and she latches on like his baby sloth. He used to say it to her all the time, how she was his lazy sloth pup, always on his chest. “How about we ask?” 
He carries her out of the kitchen and upstairs to find you, only you’re not where they left you in the master bedroom. Instead, you're sitting on the floor of Amy’s bedroom with the baby swaddled to your chest. “Oh, hey, it’s big Reid and little Reid.”  
“What Reid does that make you?” Spencer asks. 
“I’m ambiguously sized Reid.” You look down at the baby. “And this is tiny Reid.” 
“What are you doing?” Amy asks. 
“I’m cleaning up your humongous mess, angel.”
“What!” Amy shouts. Spencer laughs at her outburst. “Mom, I’m supposed to help you!” 
“Says who?” 
“Says me! Daddy, put me down.” 
Spencer obliges her and sets her down. Amy runs to you and takes the doll from your hand, to your surprise, sweeping the pile of her dolls away, mixing the ones you’d redressed with naked and ragged ones. You cover the baby’s back, sighing. Spencer knows from experience those dolls are finicky. 
“I was just trying to help,” you say, pouting at her. “It was a big mess, you can’t do it all by yourself, you’re just my little girl.” 
Spencer appreciates the way you say it. It’s good to love someone, but it feels like great luck to have fallen in love with a mom who couldn’t adore her children more than you do. He wanted kids so badly, and your love for them cements a great decision. Amy doesn’t feel so lucky, throwing herself against the side of her bed with a dramatic, forlorn whine. 
You tip your head back as Spencer kneels by your side. “What’s wrong?” you ask. 
He pulls the swaddle from the baby’s face to see her. She’s awake but quiet. Recognition lights her features when she notices his poking, giving him a gurgling smile. “Nothing’s wrong,” he says to you. “Amy just wants to help today, ‘cos she’s our lovely girl.” His voice turns to sweetness as the baby’s smile widens. “Hello, angel. Hi, hi, hi.” 
“You wanna help me?” you ask. 
Amy pulls her face up from her messy bed sheets. “Yes, please.” 
“Well, nobody’s given me a hug in a while.” 
“I want to help with the baby!” 
“Nobody’s given her a cuddle today, either.” 
“She’s cuddling you right now!” 
“She’s just resting. What she needs is a good hug and a good kiss.” You stretch your legs out in front of you and reach back to pull at the swaddle. Spencer helps before you can stretch your shoulder in the wrong way, taking the fabric down your arms and releasing you from its confines. You cup the baby’s weight in one hand, her head the other, and slide her into your arm. “Come on, best big sister. Come and hold her for me.” 
Amy rushes to do as you’ve said. Spencer smiles to himself and pulls the mound of dolls toward him —there’s a lot of work to do in here, you weren’t kidding about the mess. 
You put the baby in Amy’s lap. 
“Now,” you say, leaning into Spencer’s, arms opening expectantly, “for me?” 
Spencer can’t wait to abandon the doll and bend down over you. He almost pokes your kidney out with a Barbie, but he’s never been any good at resisting you when you ask for a cuddle. It’s not your most comfortable embrace, and yet it’s as perfect as any other, his laugh lost in your shoulder, wrapping his arms behind your back. 
“Keep an eye on the babies,” you whisper. 
Spencer checks that Amy’s holding the baby the right way and makes you into a Reid sandwich. “She told me she is too dexterous.” 
“Did you imply she wasn’t?” 
“I said,” he relents, smiling to himself as you squeeze his waist, “that she’s not dexterous enough to carry the baby all day long.” 
“But how do you know?” 
“I read a couple parenting books a few years ago, I tend to have a pretty good memory.” 
“Do you remember how to rub my back?” you tease, softly, still a little shy after all these years. 
Spencer rubs your back. Amy babbles loving nonsense at the baby for a few minutes, and then complains of being bored and wanting another omelette. 
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ddarker-dreams · 2 months ago
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A Fool's Errand.
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Yan Blade x F Reader.
Warnings: Yandere themes, unhealthy relationships, imbalanced power dynamics, alcohol mention/consumption, not SFW implications. Word count: 2.1k.
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“Now that’s a scary look.” 
Ice cubes clink together as you stir your drink, feigning an air of indifference. The warm pinks swirl in a hypnotizing display. Golden flecks catch the room’s sparse lighting, shimmering within the miniature whirlpool. 
You return your focus to the reflection in your pocket mirror. 
The countenance that greets you is both familiar and foreign. Color is infused into your lips, brushed along your cheeks, and blended atop your eyelids. It’d been a while since you had applied makeup, but the muscle memory kicked in eventually. After some touch-ups, you found the results satisfactory. From this vantage point, you can admire your décolleté, complemented by a dainty choker with a butterfly charm. 
You can also see a pair of eyes staring back at you. 
You clasp the mirror shut, wishing the shadowy apparition would disappear.
Instead, it creeps closer, footsteps echoing throughout the empty room. 
You sip your concoction. It’s tart, with a splash of sweetness that soon fades into a bitter aftertaste. A hazy warmth swaddles your mind in a tight embrace. 
Blade materializes beside you like a phantom coming to life. His presence is heavy and impossible to ignore, but you try your best. He’s frowning, almost glaring at you, the skin beneath his eyes wrinkled in displeasure. Your continued apathy does little to soothe the brewing tension. 
This time, it’s him who breaks the silence. 
“How much have you had to drink?”
“This is my third glass,” you admit. His eyebrows scrunch together. “I thought you’d come faster.” 
“If you anticipated your failure, why bother?” 
“I dunno. Curiosity? Boredom?” Your finger traces the drink’s rim. Suppressing a wicked smile, you add, “Maybe I wanted to find a date.” 
For a fleeting instant, it’s like the room’s oxygen rushed out at once, leaving you to asphyxiate. Your eyes tell a different story — nothing’s changed, at least, not physically — aside from his pupils shrinking to a pinprick’s size. Faintly, what remains of your cognition advises against poking the beast. You’ve already done enough. In the coming days, you’re likely to regret this entire escapade. 
However, your present self finds immense satisfaction in spewing petty jabs. 
“Be mindful of your tongue, girl.” 
Blade’s timbre is dark and gravelly. Shivers envelop your body, which you chase off with another hearty drink. His eyes follow your throat as you gulp the liquid down. They remain fixated there for an unnerving few seconds. Shifting around in your seat, it’s growing harder to deny the magnitude of who you’re dealing with. His suffocating favor doesn’t grant you absolute immunity. 
You try reaching for another sip, only for him to stop you. 
“That’s enough,” he says. His grip around your wrist tightens when you try wrenching it free. “We’re heading back.” 
Heading back. To the life of a fugitive, forever on the run, wreaking chaos wherever he and his band of clairvoyant criminals set foot. It isn’t an alluring prospect. This brief stint has been the longest you’ve gone without constant surveillance. Even if it’s a fleeting illusion, destined to slip through your fingers, you want to hold on just a bit longer. 
The alcohol flowing through your system further emboldens you. “You wanna end our date so fast?” 
This little provocation seemingly accomplishes the impossible — it throws Blade off guard. 
“‘Our?’” He repeats, the upward inflection uncharacteristic of his monotonous voice. 
“I was lookin’ for a date and you happened to come along, so yeah, why not?” You say it as if it’s the most obvious thing. He blinks. “What? Am I not pretty enough?” 
Blade’s lips part and close in rapid succession. He knows what you’re doing, you know that he knows what you’re doing, yet your flirtations still have a visible effect. His body’s gone stiff and his jaw’s set, like he’s concentrating greatly. You hear his leather glove creak as he clenches and unclenches his fists. 
Leaning onto the counter, you look up at him through your eyelashes. “You must not like me after all.” 
“That—” he exhales sharply, his subsequent words coming out in a low, measured drawl, “... You have until you finish your drink.” 
While your mind slowly processes this information, he pulls out a barstool and sits beside you. You can tell he’s still disgruntled, yet you’ve established a temporary truce. For all the brutality he’s capable of, he's willingly domesticated the instant you offer a piece of yourself. A guard dog who requires no leash, for leaving your side is unthinkable. 
This is what’s doomed you and posed as your salvation. 
You break eye contact. 
Outside, you hear the whirr of traffic through the bar’s thin walls. You’d already forgotten the name of the planet you’re visiting. It’s indistinguishable from most IPC-infected civilizations — intrusive advertisements carved in the night sky and menial work for the masses, who will never climb as high as they wish. The Stellaron Hunter’s prolonged presence is an ill omen for the oblivious populace. 
If you asked, Blade would tell you what they’re doing here and what will become of the inhabitants.
These days, you find it’s best not to know. 
“Why didn’t you try dating me, anyway?” You ask. An ice cube begins melting into the drink, losing itself. “I’ve always wondered about that. Who knows? I may have fallen head over heels for you.” 
His answer comes surprisingly fast, slicing through the air like his weapon of choice. “I am not the sort of man you should be with.” 
You whip your head in his direction, utterly dumbfounded. “Huh?” 
“What you deserve… I can never give,” Blade’s eyes betray nothing of his inner thoughts. “It’s best that you never believed otherwise.” 
The universe’s momentum slows to a crawl. You sit up straight, ignoring the wave of dizziness the abrupt motion inflicts, scrutinizing his visage. Dull emotions attempt to burst the pleasant buzz you've cocooned in. Their sharp edges push and push, testing the material’s durability. The lights flicker, unwilling to cast him in permanent light. 
“If you care enough to consider all that, then why—” 
Why rob me of normalcy? 
Why take what made me into the person I am? 
Why deprive me of my life to make what’s left of yours better?
He lets you down what remains of your drink. It burns as it travels down your tightening throat, washing away any playfulness that lingered on your tongue. Your stomach turns in on itself. Still, you lap up every drop, chasing after a numbness that can’t outweigh the grief. The act of pulling the glass away proves overwhelming for your frazzled brain. You sway, temporarily stupefied. 
The cold leather of one hand and textured gauze from another steady your shoulders, keeping your body in place. 
“Careful. You’ll only hurt yourself.”
You glare at him halfheartedly. “What’s it matter? Seeing me in pain obviously means nothin’ to you.” 
He pauses, considering a response you’ll never be privy to, as he keeps his lips shut. Instead, he asks, “Can you walk?” 
This questioning of your motor functions has you scoffing. Wordlessly, you hop to the ground, where you stay still, intent on keeping yourself steady. Despite your best efforts, your surroundings spin ever so slightly. The minimalist furniture of this automaton-run establishment blurs together. Heat flushes throughout your body, warming your cheeks like an internal furnace. 
You overestimated your tolerance. It’s been a while since you’ve indulged — you should’ve considered that. 
Your weak performance confirms Blade’s suspicions. He approaches you, raising his hands, likely to keep you secure like he had before. You dodge his unwanted advances out of reflex. This proves to be a mistake, as you lack the coordination to make any sharp movements. Your ankle gives out and your eyes fly wide open, arms flailing about for purchase. 
Blade moves faster than you can process. You’re made to feel weightless as he lifts you up, holding you firm against his chest. 
“Hey, put me down! I don’t— I can walk just fine!” You exclaim, writhing around like a fish out of water. Exerting a mere fraction of his strength is enough to render your struggle useless. Realizing that all you’re doing is tiring yourself out, you go limp, your breathing coming out erratic from the exertion. Humiliation prickles throughout like hot needles waiting to erupt from your flesh.
“Are you finished?” 
You’re close enough to feel the low vibration of his voice. It rattles your bones, burrowing deep within the marrow. You express your resignation by averting your gaze. With that, he walks out, holding you in a bridal carry. Cool air nips at your exposed skin as he kicks the door open. It lets out into a back alley, where he must’ve skulked in from. 
He stops here and gingerly places you down, muttering, “Lean against the wall.” 
You do as instructed, though given your impaired state, you would’ve fumbled around for support without his prompting. He sheds his outer black jacket and drapes it along your bare shoulders. The fabric engulfs you, smelling faintly metallic. After ensuring you’re properly covered, he scoops you back up, maneuvering your body around like it’s weightless. 
He follows the labyrinth-like expanse of alleyways, leaving the sounds and sights of the densely populated area behind. Not a word is uttered or a glance shared. You wet your lips, your mind racing for ways to break the tense silence. Blade’s always been a man of a few words, but this bout is different than what you’re used to. Heavier, somehow. Your actions have gone beyond petty defiance. Typically, you can gauge what nonsense you can and can’t get away with. 
With this latest excursion, however—
—You’ve stumbled into uncharted territory. 
“What now?” You ask, your voice unusually meek. 
“You’ll be leaving this star system before long. We’re headed towards the pickup site.” 
Your ears perk up at his word choice. “You aren’t coming?” 
“No.” 
“Why not?” 
“I’ve yet to fulfill my portion of the script on this planet.” 
“... Oh.” 
You can feel the look he sends your way. 
“Does this displease you?” 
“Ah, well,” you take a deep breath, finding the act of verbalizing your thoughts in this state difficult, “I didn’t think you… liked being apart.” 
“My preferences are irrelevant. Kafka will ensure you’re cared for until I’m suited to be around you again.” 
You furrow your eyebrows together, parsing through this information bit by bit. It’s like your mental faculties have been slathered with tar, slowing the gears in the mire. You’re only ever stuck with Kafka when Blade’s regenerating from significant injuries or dangerously mara-struck. You reflect on the evening’s events. The ease at which you snuck out, how it felt like the universe itself aligned along the way… 
Ah. 
You’re the ideal variable to tamper with when increasing (or decreasing) his mara. 
It’s a gross feeling — this sensation of being used like a pawn to affect the performance of the board’s stronger pieces. Perhaps the inevitably of it all is why he isn’t upset with you, or he might be trying to delay the onslaught of mara. Whatever the case, you’ve inadvertently done your part for this script. Stirring the sediments of his shortcomings and shoving your dislike of him to the forefront. 
Is this all you are? A side character in the epic Destiny’s Slave has penned? 
You grit your teeth. 
Using what little strength’s left in your muscles, you sit up, slinking your arms around his neck for support. Blade pauses, clearly more interested in your machinations than dropping you off like a package. He turns to face you. Though you’re nearly nose to nose, the night obscures his features, save for his eyes. The two blood-red moons have an otherworldly glow to them. Their gravitational pull is dangerous, yet you approach them as a willing sacrifice regardless. 
A gentle graze of your lips against his is enough for him to stop breathing. You can do what his mountains of deceased enemies gave their lives trying to accomplish. He must know you’re up to something; his grip is nearly bruising from the restraint he’s exercising. You test his fraying resolve by allowing your lips to connect. It’s purposefully brief, ending before it truly began. Upon pulling away, he chases after you, but you deny him.
Blade sounds pained when murmuring your name. 
Whether it’s a plea or a warning, you can’t tell. 
“What?” You ask. “You’re the one trying to get rid of me.” 
“...” 
Blade leers down at you. You meet his stare, unyielding, drunk on the idea of inconveniencing the Stellaron Hunters to any extent.
"... Stay still," he eventually orders, backing you against the alley's wall. "Time is short."
You wait until he's nipping at your neck to smile.
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geltears · 11 months ago
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heart throb
Nanami Kento x Reader
Nanami basks in the presence of his wife, his toddler and precious newborn daughter -> @suyacho girl!dad collab entry
prequel: 3’s a crowd (smut)
cw: dad!Nanami, wife!reader, toddlers & newborns, tooth rotting fluff, slight suggestiveness
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Shhh.
Nanami ushers your 5 year old through the door, shushing her and rubbing one of his big hands gently over her head, ruffling the not-so-neat up-do you sent her off with this morning.
The house is silent and cold save for the heat radiating from the kitchen where he knows you've already made dinner and left it on the stove to cool. He swoons at the sight of you when he finally spots you cuddling your newborn on the rocking chair, both your faces scrunched in peaceful delight as you sleep.
"Mommy?" Namiko's whisper isn't as quiet as she hoped and her baby sister begins to stir in your hold, small legs kicking softly at the pink blanket swaddling her.
"Hi baby, how was school?" you coo at her, beckoning her over as you rub the sleep from your eyes.
Subconsciously, you begin to bounce the restless baby in your arms, causing your husband to grin widely at you, pearly white teeth joining the other features on his handsome face.
Nanami watches with pure love and adoration as you shift to fit your toddler into your side, so carefully that your 4-month old just lovingly blinks at her father. His shirt is impossibly tight as warmth blooms in his chest for you and your daughters.
His sweet girls.
Namiko begins to babble about her day to you, most of it nonsensical and completely exaggerated but you smile at her anyway and tickle her belly to make her burst into a fit of giggles as you gush over the details with her. When you finally take notice of your poor husband it's because he's making faces at the baby and his googly eyes have become almost impossible to ignore.
"Hi Ken," you say, leaning to press a wet kiss to his cheek teasingly, "You having fun making faces at Keiko?"
Kento pokes his tongue out at you and Keiko gurgles as she attempts to copy her papa, spit bubbling out the corners of her mouth instead. Ever a daddy's girl, she starts to make grabby hands at him.
He scoops her up and spins around as he cradles her protectively to his chest, making her squeal out more delightful baby sounds and kick her feet wildly.
Keiko is such a strong baby, or so Nanami says as he winces playfully and clutches his chest in faux defeat. Your baby only stares up at him, blissfully unaware of her father's antics with nothing but pure amazement swimming in her pretty brown doe eyes.
Kento kisses her blonde tuft of hair softly. She's his mini-me, he swears.
"Mommy," Namiko croons in your ear, pawing at your side excitedly. You hum. "Can I hold Keiko, pretty please?"
There's not much you can do when your daughter sets her mind on something, especially when she pouts at you and leans her head into your side, attempting to snuggle closer to you.
Namiko doesn't mind having to sit on the baby play mat or having to put a pillow underneath the area that Keiko hovered over. She just basked in the rare opportunity to hold her baby sister that she had begged her papa for.
Nanami remembers the night vividly.
He had just told Namiko a bed time story and finally gotten her to settle into bed yet she still seemed so quiet and broody, a feeling that he recognised all too well. He would pluck the stars out of the sky and exploit Satorou into doing outlandish things if it meant keeping his girls happy but he couldn't help but be shocked as she popped the sudden question: 'Can I get a baby sister?'
"She's so cute," Namiko gushed. She poked a finger at her sister's belly lightly, giggling when the baby girl flashed her a gummy smile.
While your little girl made baby noises at her sister and rocked her gently, your husband had padded over to sit at the foot of your rocking chair.
He kissed your ankle softly, chuckling when you gasped and tried to shake him off. "Rough day baby? Is Kei still fussing?"
Nanami melded both your feet in his big hands, rubbing and caressing the stress away as you sighed in relief. Your eyebrows furrowed and if it were anyone else but Nanami who had spent countless nights admiring the slope of your face, the faint dark circles under your eyes would go unnoticed.
But it was Nanami, your husband, your love.
His heart ached for you and your sweet baby and her habit of bawling through the day.
"Hm Ken," you mused, one manicured hand coming down to tangle in his hair, "She slept 'til lunch."
Your pause morphs into a guttural groan as Kento presses firmly on your calve, working the stress out of you. "I fed her, pumped some milk for her nightly feed- and then you came home."
"See, she's a sweet girl. Just a lil fussy like our first baby, right?"
You giggle at him, forgetting that under your husband's cold appearance, he was still your sweet and charming Kento who had swooped you off your feet in high school and never let you down since then.
"They get it from you," you insist.
There was much to fix in the Jujutsu world, mischief was amock and perhaps, he could sense danger brewing. But for now and in the comfort of the walls of your home, lined with the scent and memories of his favourite girls, Nanami was at peace.
In the presence of his wife and daughters, there was nothing that could upset Nanami Kento and overpower the love he held for all of you.
.
Ao3
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productviewblog · 2 years ago
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MY NEWBORN 2Pcs Baby Boy's Baby Girl's 3 in 1 Fleece Hooded Blanket Wrapper | 0 to 12Months Hooded Sleeping Bag Swaddle for Infants | Toddler Wrapper | Gift Set for Baby Shower | White Pink
MY NEWBORN 2Pcs Baby Boy’s Baby Girl’s 3 in 1 Fleece Hooded Blanket Wrapper | 0 to 12Months Hooded Sleeping Bag Swaddle for Infants | Toddler Wrapper | Gift Set for Baby Shower | White Pink
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oreo-creampie · 1 year ago
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𝐚 𝐝𝐚𝐝! 𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐨𝐮𝐬
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: heavy fluff, light angst, reader is giving birth, kento is worried about being a dad and supportive husband, you easily reassure him, twin baby girls, praise, kento is in awe of you as he should be, you're amazing, you breast feed the baby and kento bottle feeds the other baby
𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧: I love your works! Could you write kento fluff, him stressing out about becoming a dad for the first time and reader is just really chill about it all!! Please and thank you🙏🙏
Oreo: I’m sick with my period at the same damn time eating chicken noodle soup, my hubby has been spoiling me so much. Brought me some Christmas themed flowers, the cutest wreath that has the house smelling like pine. Then there was running me a warm bath, making my soup this man is the best. Giving that nanami energy, cause you know he would take such good care of you. I haven’t had to lift a finger, and nanami wouldn’t let you lift one either.
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Your painful contractions, rushing to the hospital, and the epidural to ensure a painless birth. Tightly squeezing his hand, pushing out the first baby girl. It’s a blur that doesn't slow down till he hears the first beautiful cry.
Letting go of your hand long enough to cut the umbilical cord. Grasping your hand between his own, kissing the back. “You’re doing wonderful love, she’s healthy and adorable.” Kissing your cheek, weakly you smile momentarily. Gritting your jaw focusing on pushing out your second baby girl. You're sweaty and beautiful.
The second baby girl is louder, her cries quieting her minutes older sister. This time the nurse brings her close to you, offering you the back the handle. Kento gently guides your hand helping you cut the cord.
"After we clean them both of you can hold one of your beautiful little joys. So chonky, healthy with a powerful set of lungs already.” The doctor gently cleans and checks you over.
One of the nurses brings his eldest baby to him. “Congratulations on such healthy wonderful baby girls.” Gently cradling his eldest babygirl in his hands, swaddled in a soft blanket. Kento supports her hand and head with one hand. She’s so small yet chunky at the same time. Swaddled in a yellow blanket.
Her beautiful chunky face scrunched up in confusion that melts away at the sight of his face. More tears trickle down his face at the soft adoring warm love in his baby girl’s eyes. Lifting her small hand, he leads down helping her touch his cheek.
Kento’s eyes widen tears trickling down his face, dripping onto the girl he names “ He’s a dad to two amazing baby girls who he wants to give the world to along side his beautiful wife.
What if he fails to be a good father?
Grinning Docter Annie announces, “Wonderful there is no hemorrhaging, you’re bleeding normally. We will keep you overnight for observation and discharge you in the morning. When you need to go to the restroom press the call button for a nurse. You will need to eat soon and get plenty of rest.”
Two nurses on either side carefully lift you for the doctor to put a diaper on you. Laying you back down, raising the upper half of the bed for you to comfortably sit up.
You're the nurse lift your baby girl out of the bath, drying her off. “Can I try to calm her down?” Kento looks up at you in pure awe. You have always been an amazing woman. He’s lucky for you to be the mother of his children.
What if he fails to be a supportive husband?
The nurse softly smiles, “You should be able to skin-to-skin and settle her, maybe help her latch.” Lying your baby on your chest. Cradling her, resting her head on your chest. Her loud cries softening to whines.
Admiring your little girl with tired eyes and a soft smile. It's a different type of beautiful to see you cradling the delicate adorable life in your hands. It's wonderful sight like the one of other baby girl in his hands.
Warm, healthy, and finally here after nine months. Here to thrive, grow, and develop interests. Kento wants to be there for them, with you by his side, every step of the way.
Her whines quiet down when you help her latch. Letting her get mouthfuls of milk. Softly breathing, “Of course, our lil Hana is hungry after all that hard work.” Kento didn't think he could fall more in love with you until this moment.
"She will need to latch and get skin with mom soon but for now getting fed by dad and doing some bonding is good too." A nurse hands Kento a bottle of formula. "We will get the overnight room and some food ready for the mom ready." Remembering the various videos and books he nudges Himari's lips with the bottle.
It takes a moment for her to latch, once she does, she's taking large mouthfuls. Failing her hand in her attempt to grab Kento's. A feat she takes moments to accomplish. Her small warm hand on the back of his, the sleepy loving looking in her eyes. "Hana and Himari are perfect, thank you my love for working so hard bringing them into this world."
The nurse and doctor trickle out of the room, taking some of the equipment with them. Leaving Kento and You along with your newborns.
"My love I know that look in your eyes and tension in your jaw. We got each other, and I couldn't have a better man by my side to raise our babies and grow old with. You're going to be everything these girls need in a father and more, trust me darling." The confidence in your beautiful face, soothing voice and tired eyes easing the weight on his shoulders.
He takes a deep breath, shoving his worries aside. Reaffirming your comforting words, "We have each other, there isn't anything we can't do to give these girls a wonderful life, don't worry about me love relax and rest." Standing up, carefully leaning down making sure not to disturb Himari drinking, kiss you gently. "I'm so grateful to get the privilege to be your husband and father to these adorable girls."
Oreo creampie’s m.list
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fallenneziah · 1 year ago
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Omggg I NEED a part 5 of omega!reader and alpha!ghost!!! You left me on a cliff hanger, like is it a boy or a girl!!?!?!?!?
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Eh heh, @jax-simp I did that on purpose 🤪 gonna give you two a tiny cute little Riley 😭 literally I thank you guys for coming to support my writing and taking such an interest in this. And hey, if you want, I might try and commit to an entire proper fic for you guys?? This is just about to be super wholesome.
Alpha!Ghost and Omega!Reader pt 5
Pt 1, 2, 3, 4
Omega!Reader who purrs loudly to themself in the car to try and calm down. Feeling like you're going to pop any minute. Ghost beside you who takes your hand, purring alongside you.
Alpha!Ghost who tries to talk you through with affirmation the whole time until you get to the hospital. Bringing you to the emergency room for your pregnancy.
Alpha!Ghost whose protective of you still that he growls and snaps at any of the nurses that try to touch you, especially if their male or another alpha.
Usually when an Omega is giving birth, only Omega nurses and hospital staff will be present so that calmed his fiery nerves a bit.
Alpha!Ghost who stays by your side, making sure that you're ok as they set you up.
Omega!Reader who's in pain and whimpering, grabbing onto Ghost for stability, twisting their hand in his shirt and digging their nails into his scarred hands.
Omega!Reader whose seemingly only calmed a little by Ghost's scent filling the room to cloud your senses and try to soothe you gently.
Omega!Reader who grips the medical bed and snarls at the next nurse that tries to usher Ghost away.
Scents mingling as you moan and whine, breathing heavy in desperation.
Alpha!Ghost who leans in your ear, whispering to you how good you're doing and you'll be a wonderful parent.
"It's ok baby... It's gonna be worth it. Easy, deep breaths... Amazing, you're doing amazing love."
Omega!Reader whose so thrilled, hanging on as they go through the procedures. Barely remembering any of it. It's all a blur. Hanging on to Ghost's hand, purring loudly to try and calm yourself.
Ghost is there, trying to make sure you're ok through the whole procedure. His heart racing to meet his newborn baby.
And then you hear it.
The baby's first cries.
Omega!reader whose completely at ease, purring and coming back into full awareness.
Alpha!Ghost who bristles up in protectiveness when the child is swaddled in blankets and brought to your chest. Soft, fresh clean skin or a wailing baby who is calmed when brought to their carrier.
Omega!Reader whose so gentle, cradling the baby as it feeds, feeling so much love and fulfillment from this new life that they've helped bring to the world.
Alpha!Ghost who watches you hold the child, being pronounced as a boy. His heart settling, watching all the people around the room, shoulders arching back to protect you. His entire weight leaning toward the medical bed to be a shadow for his little boy and his mate.
Omega!Reader who leans toward him, Ghost kissing your forehead, telling you how amazing you did.
"He's beautiful love... You did so good."
Alpha!Ghost who eventually gets skin to skin contact, and he's never felt so amazing. Holding this small child in his arms, feeling him lean and sink into the warm skin of his father.
Alpha!Ghost who gently holds your child, staring up through his eyebrows at anyone who even makes a move or breathes the wrong way. This child means so much to him.
Gently feeling his fuzzy head. Cooing and hicking softly against his chest.
Alpha!Ghost who purrs from deep in his chest to his little one, knowing he'll wait to scent him till his skin is less sensitive.
Omega!Reader who feels tired, but feels so loved and happy watching Ghost accept his child and get so protective over him. And seeing the baby curl right up to him as it's the safest place he could be.
Warm in dad's arms.
Omega!Reader who stays at the hospital with the baby, Ghost wanting to stay as well. That natural draw to protect you and his newborn so strong he fights the hospital workers. But after kissing you goodbye and giving his child a gentle kiss, he departs.
Alpha!Ghost who worries sick for you and his little one every moment he's not around you. Who goes back to the hospital as soon as he can every day to hold the newborn and kiss you.
Alpha!Ghost who is a father now. Protecting you and this kiddo. Whose more protective than ever. Who insists on carrying the carrier when you leave the hospital, you on his other arm.
Your baby needs a lot from both of you.
Omega!Reader having that instinct for the more domestic tasks, feeding him, spending the long nights up, their routine shifting almost naturally into caretaker mode.
Alpha!Ghost who is there to play and help strengthen your little one. But who also steps into the caretaker role with almost as much fluidity as you.
Alpha!Ghost who when your son starts to wail in the middle of the night, kissing your temple, whispering, "I've got it, love. You rest."
Alpha!Ghost who will pick up your son, holding him in his arms and gently rocking him. Who will purr to him, taking care of whatever need has him startled awake.
"Shh, shh, you're ok..." He whispers, finding some milk in the fridge and heating it up just enough, feeding the bottle to your son. "Easy, easy now..." He smiles softly when your son latches on.
"There we go... See? Dad's here, dad is here it's ok."
Alpha!Ghost who doesn't mind losing the sleep so his omega can rest. Sitting up most of the night with your son, even rubbing his scent glands against his small cheek gently, the scent of his father calming him in a soft slumber.
Omega!Reader who misses their alpha in post childbirth and heads down to the living room to see him snuggled up with your son.
Omega!Reader who curls up under Ghost's arm, leaning into his side, smelling his scent and the warmth of his body. Wrapping an arm around the two, getting comfortable.
Alpha!Ghost who even in his sleep pulls you closer, feeling the body's of two very, very special people in his life.
The two of you getting time off so you can be with your child.
Omega!Reader setting up a proper, much, much better nest for the three of you to get cozy in.
Alpha!Ghost who crawls in, your son curled up in his one arm, letting you snuggle up, head buried in his neck. Blankets wrapped around you, making sure you're both comfy.
Alpha!Ghost who stalks behind you when you go grocery shopping. Your son giggling or napping in his seat in the cart.
Omega!Reader happily going about shopping while Ghost eyes up everyone in the store. A woman attempt to come over before swerving away from the look he's giving.
Alpha!Ghost who doesn't care who or where, but he protects you with everything he has.
Alpha!Ghost who wears that baby holder thing with your son on his chest napping or looking around the world. His scent close and his body warm.
Alpha!Ghost who is at ease with his son so close like this. He knows you will and do take amazing care of his son. But the protective aspect of him isn't easy when it also brings him a sense of worry.
Alpha!Ghost whose worries are only calmed by you two, wrapping his arms around you after a nightmare, smelling your scent. Waking up in a cold sweat hearing your baby wailing. Rushing across the hall only to see you already rocking him.
"He's ok love, I've got him." You reply softly with a little smile.
Ghost who exhales softly, coming over and hugging you from behind, wrapping his arms around you and cupping the back of his son's head as he settles.
"Wasn't worried..." He mutters into your hair.
"I know you were." You chuckle softly.
Alpha!Ghost who doesn't know what he'd do without his little family. But when he has to leave again, he gets a bunch of new things for his son. Toys that hopefully he'll be able to understand and start to play with as he grows. Scenting every single one so each one smells safe like dad.
Omega!Reader who wanted to have this family with Ghost knowing that they will stay home when Ghost goes off to serve.
Omega!Reader who finds it really hard to drive through without Ghost. The stress getting to them a lot. And yet they keep going.
Omega!Reader who lays down to bed at night, snuggling up to Ghost's side to smell his pillow, the lingering scent helping to sleep.
Alpha!Ghost who keeps a photo of you and his son in his jacket to look at whenever he misses you. And calls you whenever he can.
Omega!Reader who gives your son one of Ghost's shirts to sleep with in his crib, afraid without it he'll forget his father's scent.
Omega!reader who calls Ghost when your son begins to walk, crying about how happy you are, Ghost feeling his own tears as he tells you how he wished he saw it.
"I'll be home soon love. I promise, I will."
Omega!Reader who hears he's coming back and waits by the door all day.
When the door opens you nearly burst into tears then and there, wrapping your arms around him. Nuzzling up to him, smelling him, feeling him. Missing him so much.
Alpha!Ghost who rubs his cheek all over you first thing, re-scenting you as soon as he's home because he misses you so much.
Alpha!Ghost who kisses away your tears and holds you close to him.
Omega!Reader who was worried your son wouldn't remember him, until he's crawling over from where he was on his playmate. Cooing and trying to wiggle up to his feet.
Omega!Reader who rushes to help, but your son is smiling his big gummy smile, already waddling over to him.
Alpha!Ghost who bursts into tears, picking up his little one and kissing him all over, scenting him and hugging him. Oh how he missed him. Hugging both of you in his arms tightly.
"I missed you both so much." He whispers, kissing your heads. "I missed you."
"We missed you too." You respond, buried in his side. His son centered on his chest, little hands clinging to him like iron.
Alpha!Ghost who holds your child for the rest of the afternoon because he doesn't want to be put down. Although tired he holds him and rocks him until his eyes are heavy toward the evening and he sleeps.
Alpha!Ghost who lays him down for bed, kissing you tiredly and inviting you for a shower so he can hold you. Tired and feeling your skin pressed against his under the warm water. Kissing your neck and shoulders.
"I missed you." He whispers again.
You wrap your arms around him. "I missed you too, Simon."
Alpha!Ghost who is so proud of you for being strong without him. Taking care of your son and raising him while he wasn't there for a bit.
Alpha!Ghost who carries you off to bed, snuggling back up in his nest, missing it. Smelling more of you. He brings you close, holding you tightly, and relaxes. Finally home, with his family. Where he knows he belongs...
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comfymommy · 1 year ago
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Shop Charming Girl Sets: Floral Robe & Swaddle, Mommy & Me Gown, and More – ComfyMommyShop
Welcome to ComfyMommyShop’s delightful collection of girl’s swaddle sets and maternity robes .Don’t miss our adorable mommy and me hospital outfits and our robe and swaddle sets designed just for girls. Discover the perfect maternity robe and swaddle set for your little one today!
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ma1dita · 9 months ago
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solipsism
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a 'partners in crime' installment - luke castellan x dionysus!reader
words: 5.1k
summary: (post-TLT) drink responsibly… trouble doesn’t; you punch luke in this lol (novelization spoilers? kinda canon-compliant)
The one where you finally pray to Hestia to keep your home safe, even if he's also trying to destroy it. Luke visits you four times during college, in a timeline opposite to yours (doctor x river song-coded) (lore expansion & explanation here) (Luke Castellan x fem!Dionysus!reader)
a/n: i hurt myself with this one. anyways its canon (to me) that we’re roommates now !!!! more to come like i promised even during my birthday break ! scream at me in the comments and feel free to reblog :)
(post 3/6, edited/betad @hotchfiles )
solipsism (the idea that only one’s mind is sure to exist)
You didn’t mean to send a prayer out into the world so strong that it would will an apparition of an Olympian, but burning cookies seems to be your specialty. Arguably, they weren’t the good kind, just the ones you grab in the freezer aisle of Walmart, and still, somehow they set your fire alarm off. Opening a window and waving through the smoke— Hestia, goddess of the hearth and home was standing next to the rickety dining table you bought off Facebook marketplace. 
“Holy shit, you scared me!” 
There’s mirth in her eyes at your reaction, though for all you know it could be annoyance—it’s not often that an immortal could be badgered enough to reveal themselves for an accident like this one.
“Dionysus was right. You’re too much like him for your own good,” she grins, taking a seat at the table like she’s an old friend. There’s a warmth to her unlike anyone you’ve met before—fire crackling in her eyes and an aura of serenity swaddling the air that you’ve never felt before in your student accomodations.
“I’m sorry I just… with all due respect, what’s going on?”
You go to toss the hot tray of cookies in the trash bin, before hesitating and putting them on your nicest plate. A gentle shove slides them over the table to the goddess, and she takes a crunch out of one happily.
“You were praying,” she states, like its common knowledge, “so strongly, in fact, I thought I’d make a visit to one of my most loyal devotees. Though in this case, you’re the object of his devotion, yes?”
Your hands are clasped across your lap and a familiar feeling spreads through you, then she jerks her hand up and points, “There. You’re doing it again. Y’know, it’s about time you start reciprocating the effort. Hermes’ son prays for you with intention.” You were thinking about Luke before she appeared—and hope glimmered like a tiny open flame. It’s still there, in the slow beating of your heart.
“He’s waging war with the gods. I don’t think he prays to them anymore,” you reason. Luke's offerings to the hearth must have been extinguished by the wrath he’s rained on Camp Half-Blood by now. The perfect storm.
“Not when it comes to you. Mortals never fail to surprise me. But it seems you’re a special case, my sweet. He’s made a home of you.”
To love Luke feels like having to keep a secret and never being able to tell anyone, but Hestia reaches for your hands across the table and looks at you knowingly.
“When I gave up my seat on Olympus for your father it wasn’t a sign of weakness, even if I did it so that others could be happy. I think your soul is a lot like mine in that you’ve given up so much of what you want to protect others. In turn, he’s doing the best he can to protect you; I listen to him every day, sweet girl. You are not weak for loving him still. There are generations of strength in your bones.”
“What else am I supposed to do? I search for him in everyone I meet and I’m not sure I’ll ever find that type of love again.”
These are thoughts you’d never told anyone—not Annabeth, not your father, not even yourself and surely never aloud.
“I hope you never do,” the goddess says, and you know it too.
i. no winter lasts forever (a night out after a drive home from virginia)
Flick. Flick.
“Come on, Hestia. Not you too. Don’t fail me now,” you mumble. The frigid metal of your zippo lighter rubs against your thumbs as you cup it in your hands, shielding the tiny flame that fights the harsh winter wind. Trying to focus as you lean against the brick of the Inferno, you take a deep inhale of smoke to warm your bones. Healing was never supposed to be easy.
Breathe in.
It’s somewhat of a routine you’ve made since getting back from visiting Annie. You’re a regular at this pub now—not even acclimated to the ins and outs of your sleepy college town, and though you don’t know the name of the hall your classes are in, you do know there’s a barstool in the corner of the Inferno with your name on it. There’s something funny about using your father’s gift as a form of fake id, and you wonder if he knows how heavily you indulge in your vices. Five vodka redbulls down the hatch have your knees feeling weak under the alley light until a stranger looms over you like a shadow.
“Those things are gonna kill you one day.”
Breathe out.
“Gods willing,” you laugh, stumbling over your boots and Luke catches you like he was never meant to let you go in the first place. The leather of his jacket is musky and his hair is buzzed. 
Either you were wasted or uncaring of who he was (both), you toss him your car keys and climb into the passenger seat. It’s a silent ride to your apartment besides you giving him the directions and Luke wonders how bad he must have hurt you for you to lay out for a stranger and waste away like this. But he’s the farthest thing from a stranger, even in this error in time and you’re still the daughter of the god of wine so after the third time you try to put your key in the lock he helps you because he hopes you’ll let him in.
“Y’know Annie would get a kick out of your haircut. Come inside.”
You’ve always been able to see right through him.
He’s standing in the hallway with his hand around your waist and he’s already broken too many of the titan’s orders by being here, so he scoffs, “You’re not gonna remember this by morning.” But you leave the door open anyway, dragging him by the wrist and your hand still feels the same in his even after all this time. What more is there to resist when there’s not much left of him to lose? 
This is the last time, he reminds Kronos, and there are monstrous hands around his brain, but yours are still gently holding his heart. The little part of his soul that hasn’t been eaten away holds on for a bit longer, tethered to your being by the way your hands are tied.
“I can, if you want me to.” 
He looks ready for war, and he is— yet you have him following you around the tiny living room almost in a trace as your arms loop around his neck. Luke doesn’t answer. He doesn’t know if you’d want to see him sober, especially when his absence is still fresh for you.
“Baby you look different from the last time we met,” you slur, stepping onto his feet as he takes you for a spin around the coffee table, dancing in the quiet. He’s older than you’ve ever seen him, voice deeper and colder. This is not the boy that ran from you in the forest many months ago. This is a man who’s seen horrors you haven’t lived through yet. You can deduce that he’s the cause of them too.
“So do you. Though still as beautiful as I remember,” he whispers like he’ll get struck for saying it. Your eyes are unfocused as he inspects your face, still soft and young with hope. The titan grips his features now, almost burning through his sense of self—though it’s not tangible he wonders if you could see it.
“I see you all the time. I just… usually have to drink enough to make it feel real. I just miss you.”
He looks pained at your words, and for a moment you wonder if he even heard you. Luke pushes you towards your room, an aura of darkness spreading through him like fire but he relents, pushing past the flames. He’s on borrowed time now, but Luke would gladly waste those minutes tucking you into bed.
Lifting your arms up, he pulls an old shirt of his over your shoulders, and his eyes catch onto the fact that you’re still wearing the dragon scale necklace he made you. Luke digs through your medicine cabinet while you sloppily wash your face and his calloused hands rub serums and moisturizer into your cheeks like how you taught him once upon a time. These are the things he won’t forget. Kronos can take it all away, as long as he gets to keep you. You lean against his chest and shut your eyes, scared that if you open them again he won’t be there.
“You’re not supposed to be here, are you? Are you mine?”
“I’m always going to be yours,” he says with no hesitation, “Four years later, and there is still not one living thing worth losing you,” he says, lips chasing after your fingertips as you trace his jaw. Your eyes flutter in exhaustion, and Luke’s eyes survey your room and he finds traces of you that he’s missed as he rubs your back lovingly like he has all the time in the world.
Your hands cup his face, making him look at you, and he surrenders himself to you as you pull him into a kiss. He’s a ticking time bomb about to detonate in your arms. The warnings that Kronos is beating into his head is nothing compared to the pain of knowing he won’t be with you for much longer. And he kisses you like he could save you from his blaze by doing so, lips and tongue and shattered breath saying I’m here, and this is real. Maybe your worst vice is not being able to wean yourself off the taste of him.
“Tell me what I need to hear. Even if it’s not true…Even if you’re not real,” you say between gasps, and your position on his lap makes him wonder why he’d ever give the world up and burn it down when it’s sitting right here and staring at him with violet eyes.
“It’s always going to be you and me. I’ll love you until the end of my days and then some.”
You laugh in the way that drives him crazy—though he already is, for loving you still. Luke lost all sense of himself when he left camp four years ago. All that remains is you, pushing him so that his back hits the bedspread. He lets you consume what’s left of him, and he’s on fire.
You wake up the next morning with a jolt. It’s still winter, and you’re still alone but despite the chill, you feel warm.
ii. autumn years (with a familiar visitor who finally shows up on time)
Knock, knock.
There’s someone at the door, but your date isn’t supposed to be here for another 10 minutes.
“Babe, someone’s here for you!” your roommate Jo calls out, and you tell her it’s fine to let them in.
The pantyhose clings to the lotion on your thighs and you fix the bracelet on your wrist, stepping out from the bathroom hollering, “You’re early, Kit! Don’t tell me you’re skipping to the good part; I’m a lady i–”
“Who’s Kit?”
Luke’s standing in the doorway of your bedroom and his eyes flit to the reflection of your naked back peeking through the undone zipper of your dress. You look stunning, lips painted red and eyes smoky, but you’re also furious. Too bad he’s always thought you looked extra hot when you’re mad.
“None of your business. As you can see, I don’t exactly have the time for this, Castellan.”
He shrugs, closing the door behind him gently and with the raise of his brow, Luke is leering at you like a teenage boy. Respectfully, of course. The glint of celestial bronze against his hip reminds you who he’s become though.
“I’ll make the time if you say the words, Trouble.”
Sighing, you step forward, but then he does that thing again from the last time you saw him out on sea, twisting the crick in his neck like he has to resist your touch.
“You’re still funny. Some old habits die hard I guess,” you scoff, turning and lifting your hair out of the way so that he can zip you up. He opts to not touch you, sliding the dress closed until it fits against your body. You think you can feel his fingers ghost above your skin, and goosebumps rise where he leaves and his breath is warm on the back of your neck.
“Leave your weapons at the door. I run a tight ship, unlike you.” 
Gliding away from him while his hands are still in the air, you turn and sit at the edge of your bed, crossing your legs as you nod at him. Luke picks up the pair of heels next to where he sets the sword against the wall, and like it’s nothing out of the sort, he gets on his knees. You offer a foot to him while he speaks, “I could tell by the taser on your bedside table. You’ve killed monsters before, why a taser?”
There’s freckles on his tanned cheeks and he smells like the sun. You wonder what he’s done to come see you tonight.
“I’ve found out that not all monsters are mythical. When…are you?”
His eyes dart away from yours, securing the buckles on your ankles, and his touch sears through the mesh of your pantyhose.
“A few months ahead.”
There’s an eyelash on his nose, and your finger reaches out to touch it, but he flinches away. Face pulling into a frown, you spit, “You never slow down enough to let me catch up with you, huh?”
You can hear the microwave whirring in the kitchen, your roommate none the wiser of the sound of two hearts breaking. The both of you suddenly realize this is the first time you two have been alone (and the same age) since he left camp. There’s a silent question of if it will ever happen again as he gets up from the floor.
“So you’re seeing other people. Must’ve been easy, h—”
You punch him in the face before he finishes speaking, and all he can do is laugh. You would never let him off so easily.
“Fuck you. What, you think you can just hop in here and act like everything’s okay? What do you want, Castellan? For me to grovel at your feet and beg for you to fix what you broke?”
And you’re right, he supposes. This is the closest to peace that you’ll get in this life you’ve created without him. He won’t be able to take you on nice dinner dates like Kit can, or hold your hand without feeling like fate is going to smite him for existing. You scoff at the lack of his response.
“What happens next?”
Luke watches you chew on your lip, and even if he shouldn’t touch you in fear that you’ll will away his reason for defecting, by the gods does he want to.
“What do you mean?” he mutters. The cord of his necklace is tucked into your dress now that he looks closer.
“If I’m right,” you say (and it’s rare that you’re not), “each version of you that comes to see me knows less, and each time I see you I learn more. You were 23 last time. Why didn’t you see me at 22?” You know he won’t have an answer, but this is the only time you’ll be able to ask the real him. The one that’s yours, just a few steps ahead.
“There’s already been a lot that’s happened since I last saw you.”
“Are you going to hurt me?” you offer him, like he hasn’t already. He can feel the bruise blooming on his cheekbone and he grimaces with what he’s about to say.
“Never intentionally. I’ll try not to.”
It sounds stupid coming out of his mouth and you feel stupid with how empty you feel just watching him. He’s made a home of you, choosing moments in time to visit, but when he inevitably leaves, then what? Luke taught you how to be a home, forgetting you exist until it’s convenient and now there are things about yourself that you can’t unlearn yet don’t know what to do with.
Your roommate knocks on your door asking if you want a shot of vodka before your date starts, and Luke is already walking towards it since he’s overstayed his welcome. He raises his sword to open a portal but you shake your head.
“Go out the way you came,” you swallow, fiddling with the copper pendant around your neck, “and take the purple umbrella in the hall. It’s raining outside.”
When you walk into the kitchen moments later, the front door shuts gently and Jo’s sitting at the table with a mouthful of ramen noodles.
“Is he warming up the car? Your date’s hot as fuck, babe,” she grins, steam coating her glasses.
Knock, knock.
Your phone buzzes and there’s another knock at the door. Kit is 15 minutes late.
iii. auld lang syne (ringing in the new year with an old friend, or more)
Your apartment is filled with friends and acquaintances, but who the fuck cares anyway? There’s 10 minutes to midnight and you’re crossed out of your mind. Holding onto a half-empty bottle of prosecco, your heels clomp over to the window in the living room as you crawl onto the fire escape. 
Clack, clack.
The air is chilly as you hug yourself, and you hear someone step out onto the stairs behind you. 
“What are you doing out here alone?”
You sigh, not even turning to look at him, “What are you doing here, period?”
He takes the bottle of prosecco out of your hands, making you swivel your head to look at him as he takes a big gulp. He’s younger again, and it makes you laugh at how fucked up your luck must be to never be able to see him when you want. It’s always been on Luke’s terms.
“You’re too young to be drinking that,” you drawl, knees bumping against his when he takes a seat next to you. Long Island is quiet at night, and the lack of city lights is nice when you can see the stars so clearly. Music blares through your JBL speaker in the living room, and the sound of cheers gets louder when The Neighborhood starts playing.
“We used to do worse,” he laughs, but something in it sounds hollow. The breeze picks up and you shiver, taking the bottle back from him and swigging it.
“All these visits…you sure do know how to make a girl feel special. But you never come in the summer.” 
He clears his throat, before leaning back on his elbows, “ I haven’t gone a summer without you since we were 14.” This Luke doesn’t know what’s ahead of him yet, but you realize that he’s right. Even now, he keeps up the habit of pissing you off and raising hell on Camp Half-Blood every summer. You notice he’s not wearing his camp beads, and he notices you shiver again in the chill. 
Clack, clack.
Your heels rattle the metal of the fire escape as you readjust your position. He takes off his jacket to sling it around your shoulders and neither of you realize you’ve missed the countdown until fireworks burst in the sky above you. The red and blue reflect off the planes of his face, but what stands out to you is the orange of his shirt, and you comprehend now where he just came from.
“I had to see you. I didn’t get to say goodbye when I left,” he says, and you take another sip before handing him the bottle to finish off. The only new years’ kiss you’re getting is through the lips that hold the last remaining drops of prosecco. 
You nod, remembering it all too well as you both watch the fireworks in silence. He wasn’t able to watch them properly the last time he was with you, Annie, and Percy just a few hours prior.
iv. spring cleaning (only big days are ahead for the both of you) 
It’s quiet in your college apartment this morning. 
The moving boxes are half-packed and stacked against the wall of the entryway and the smell of freshly brewed coffee in the French press on your kitchen counter permeates the air. Perhaps the idea of caffeine is the last thing on your mind, hands twitching as they smooth over the black polyester of your graduation regalia. There’s a few hours still before the ceremony, but you’ve never liked being unprepared. Pollux is driving your dad down the Island because despite the war you’ll inevitably be fighting in once you cross the stage and get your degree, D specifically told Zeus that he’d wage another if he was made to miss your big day.
Parting your hair to fit under the ugly graduation cap, the tassel swings in front of your face as you grab a few bobby pins from the side table. A golden medallion of Castor’s smiling face almost whips into your cornea and you stifle a laugh. D said in his Iris message last night that all three of them would cheer so loud you’d be able to hear it from Elysium (and honestly, jokes aside—he probably has a way of making that happen). A staggered breath leaves your lungs, and you’re filled with anticipation, though you’re not sure what for. 
Time is a thief and you know that too well by now. After all, you’ve spent the past four years running from the truth of your heritage—dodging monsters between study sessions and grief welcoming you every time you come home. Four years later, and who are you trying to fool? While walking across that stage later you might as well take a bow. After all, your ex-boyfriend is the reason why there’s going to be a war of both blood and ichor, mortal and undying and still, you find yourself in the middle of it. You’ve found yourself fielding questions this last semester like dodging celestial bronze, the questions always a little too close to home and the answers you give are too entertaining to be considered the truth.
So, what are your future plans? 
Oh no big deal, just going home and dealing with generations-old family drama. If it drives me crazy enough I might enlist! 
Gods. 
How do you even articulate that these past few years were those future plans? That you didn’t expect to be alive this long, much less have the comfort of feeling secure enough to dream… It’s been years since you’ve had a good dream to work towards with a boy you once knew holding your hand through it all. But the expensive piece of paper you’ll be receiving later feels fake somehow. 
Who does that belong to? Surely not you…surely, someone who dreams without bearing the weight that comes with it. Someone who doesn’t have to look over their shoulder everytime they walk to work in the mornings, who can convince children that monsters aren’t real without having to lie. Psychology was a great field to learn from the mortal side of things—to know the reasons why brain chemistry affects us so deeply instead of just willing it away with the touch of your fingers. You like making people feel better. But who can ever do that for you?
A gust of wind sweeps through your room, the multicolored tassels hanging off your neck swaying from the force and you shut your eyes knowing he’s there again. Citrus and musk, and something that’s just him. He knocks over your hamper, cussing under his breath until his eyes follow your motionless figure in front of the mirror.
“Shit. I can explain, um… I thought you’d still be asleep,” Luke sputters, his converse falling into your laundry pile like quicksand. He bends over, stuffing your pajamas and sweatshirts back into the bin with fidgety hands as his eyes take a quick scan of your room. There are no pictures of you and him on the bedside table. For a moment, he wonders what that means but then his cheeks redden when he picks up a pair of your lacy underwear. He shoves that down too.
“Big day today. You know I can’t sleep when I know something is about to happen,” you smile wistfully, and you keep your eyes shut for longer, because like this, it’s almost like he’s actually there in real time. In a world where things went your way, this would be his apartment too, and his clothes would be scattered around your shared bedroom like how they used to back in cabin 12. You always used to put them on The Chair, as he would call it—but Luke’s known to make a mess of your life regardless of your efforts.
“When isn’t there? Something’s always going on when you’re around, Trouble.”
Click. Scattered memories flicker in your head like images through a view-finder, spinning through your vision as you hear the sound of his laughter, gently tapping away at your heart again. Click. In the ones you pre-selected, he’s draped in sunlight, honey eyes sweet and kind, and his kisses are perpetual instead of an indulgence. Click. He’s always wearing faded orange, worn-out, but most of all well-loved. Click.
You open your eyes and they meet his own in the mirror. Time stops for once, letting you catch your breath.
Right now, he looks just as you like to remember him, as you knew him four years ago. Multicolored camp beads are resting easily against his broad neck instead of weighing him down, and he’s wearing the red converse his dad gave him. He’s too young, and so in love with you that it blinds him, but even then…now, he knows the look on your face and it makes him ask, “It’s not my first time visiting you is it?”
“You’re usually more discreet, the door right behind me wouldn’t have been your first option. But you’ve never failed to surprise me before. Tell me about your day, Luke.”
A hesitant smile crosses his face as he sheathes Backbiter against his hip, adjusting under the weight like he’s not used to it yet, and then he speaks, “We ate strawberries in the fields today, straight off the vine, but I argued that the ones you conjure will always taste sweeter to me. You smushed one against my face and I carried you home. You?”
You nod, turning around to face a ghost of your past, and the both of you meet in the middle only a hairs distance away as you admire each other.
“I graduate today. Annabeth’s driving up with her boyfriend and the rest of my family is coming to celebrate.”
He doesn’t know of Percy yet, of Chris’ insanity, of your brother’s death, and the immense hurt he’s caused everyone. The smile that lights up his face makes you realize he thinks he's still a part of this—with you. And you miss him—even when he’s right here, fuck, you miss all the versions of him that have come to visit, even the ones you don’t know of yet. Tears brim your waterline as you take a deep breath; the last thing you want to do is scare him away.
“This was his promise to me. By showing me something I was sure of—and I always knew you’d graduate and make it big. Wanted to see it for myself, baby,” he grins, tangling his fingers with yours like your strings of fate, and though you know the answer to your next question you still take a chance, just in case.
“If I tell you what’s happened since…you. Would it be too late to change your mind?”
“Trouble, do you want me to? Kronos’ plan is already set in motion. I think…” he swallows, and your vision blurs without your permission as tears start to fall. Through the film over your violet eyes, Luke frowns and pulls your fingertips to his lips, kissing each one. He hasn’t done that in years.
“Did I make a mistake? Do I lose you, in the end?”
“Angelface…” you sniff, leaning your cheek against his hand, “You were so scared of losing me that you didn't even stop to think of what losing you would do to me. I lost you so long ago, Luke. And you’re not mine anymore. I don't think you have been in a long time.” In these heels, your forehead is closer to his lips so he kisses that too, hoping that somehow this time he can will away your pain instead of his. He doesn’t know what to do but hold you until you say something again.
“I’ll tell you something you need to hear. And no matter what you say or think, babe—it’s the truth. Even without all the glory in the world I would still be yours. I still am, even if I can’t bear it.”
Though he’s holding you, it somehow feels like the opposite—a purer version of him in your embrace while he holds the broken pieces of you together with his golden touch. Right now, you look into honey instead of gold. The both of you look at each other in the mirror melded together like kintsugi, something good still shining through the cracks of you two together like this.
The sound of keys jangling in the lock of the front door lifts you from his embrace, and with one look you both know its time for him to go; Luke’s brows furrow as he mutters, “I’m sorry. I’ll fix this, and we’ll be together. I promise.” You nod anyway, hoping at least one of you believe it.
“Go home, Luke. She…I still need you. I’m always gonna.”
He’s already got Backbiter in hand and one foot through time when he looks back at you. Your voice sounds a lot like how it does when you tell him you love him. Luke wonders how long it’s been since you did. Your bedroom door opens with a bang and some laughter.
“Hey troublemaker, you left the dryer on! All your clothes are gonna shrink,” Jo grins, peeking her head through the doorway of your room and she’s looking at you in your graduation gown standing there alone.
“Were you on the phone? Who were you talking to?”
It’s quiet in the apartment again. Your fingernails make indents in your palms, bunching up into fists before you let go. A sad smile crosses your face as you let the settling wind kiss your cheeks, before reality kicks in and everything settles back to how it was before. 
“Just someone I used to know.”
“And no one can ever figure out what you want, and you won’t tell them, and you realize the one person in the world who loves you isn’t the one you thought it would be, and you don’t trust him to love you in a way you would enjoy.” -Richard Siken
luke taglist (some won't let me tag, turn on my post notifs?)
1/2 luke taglist: @kissingyourgrl @dorcas4meadowes @lorarri @andrewgarfldsgf @noodlesketchbook @10ava01 @poppysrin @ashisabitgay @timhalamet @liv1104 @leeknows-wife @mxtokko@bugcuti3 @luvvfromme @midmourn @2hiigh2cry @yuminako @niktwazny303  @lukecastellandefender @intergalactic-padawan @iliketopgun @annybah @dangelnleif @thegrinningghost @alyssajunelle @obxstiles @m00ng4z3r@visndcaitswhore @b0ok-lover @elegant-face-tree @this-barbie-is-having-breakdowns @amortencjja @idonevenknow1359 @maliaaaa @targaryenluvs @sakyira @dhdjdjjdhsjdiri
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natalievoncatte · 2 months ago
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3. Dress
Kara wore dresses. Lena had seen her wearing sundresses and skirts and even a cocktail dress once, and of course she’d worn a dress at the wedding and look very
(Painfully)
pretty
(Gorgeous)
in it.
So it wasn’t as if Lena had never seen her in a dress before. Still, if you asked Lena to picture Kara in her head, Lena would imagine her best friend in khaki pants that hugged her hips and displayed the impressive girth of her thighs, and of course the buns of steel. She would further visualize Kara wearing a plaid button-down tucked into a broad belt that emphasized the inhumanly flat plane or her muscular belly or the broad set of her block shoulders.
(If she didn’t visualize her wearing nothing at all)
Dresses simply didn’t seem to be her thing. She just felt right when she was a little… masc, one might say. Kara had a way about her, a swagger that worked with the belts and a habit of setting her arms with her hands in her hips that emphasized her physique.
Lena sometimes wondered how a pair of glasses had actually fooled her.
For the last eight weeks or so, Lena had been living in Kara’s apartment, sleeping on the couch in a weird state of limbo after she sold her penthouse. They had decided that Lena would soon be moving, but not where or when. Obviously she’d stay close -her life was here now, after all- but she wanted a change.
In a way, Lena was following in Kara’s footsteps, trying to relate to the world as her whole self. She’d come upon the idea of using a sort of checklist- reinventing herself with the same ruthless efficiency she brought to the lab and the boardroom. That was one part of herself that needed to go.
Lena’s whole life was constructed. She did everything she for a purpose, and that purpose no longer meant anything anymore. There was no longer a Lex or a Lillian to outmaneuver, no longer a board to persuade or dominate. She was running the Foundation, but from her laptop, and had hired Sam to handle the financials. She wasn’t even meeting with benefactors; she had people for that. Her main work focus now was a science education program for elementary school girls.
It was so liberating, not having to be the badass boardroom bitch. She’s stopped straightening her hair, abandoned her contacts in favor of chunky glasses, and, in a colossal shock to everyone, Kara included, stopped dyeing her hair black, a habit she’d picked up and kept because it pleased Lillian and kept up because stopping would be annoying.
She had even worn sweatpants. In public. Everyone in her family had been gifting her goofy clothes to wear; she was currently swaddled in a “Why Hex a Little When you Can Hexalotl” t-shirt that Kara had regifted, originally from Nia.
That was when Kara walked out of her bedroom area of the loft and Lena’s brain spun around and smacked against the front of her skull.
Kara was dressed to the nines in a black a-frame halter top mini dress that bared her shoulders and magnificent back, and she’d matched it with dark eye shadow and plum lipstick that was striking against her sun-kissed skin, and a pair of strappy high heels.
“Hey,” she said, sounding glum.
“Where are you off to?” Lena said, trying not to add the mental dressed like that.
“A date,” Kara sighed.
Lena kept her face even, despite the fact that her mind had just ripped in half. She was desperate to know why Kara sounded so glum, and also flat fucking terrified.
The idea of Kara going on a date horrified her. It made her instantly sick with worry -not just for Kara which was honestly a little silly- but because… because…
Lena was suddenly very aware that she didn’t want Kara to date. At all.
(Because she should be dating me)
Which sucked, because Kara was straight, because there was a god and he hated Lena Kieran Luthor and her accursed blood. That had to be why Lena was cursed to suffer a crush on
(be madly in love with)
the perfect girl who came from the sky.
“You look lovely,” said Lena. “Have fun.”
Kara blushed for a moment, then Looked at Lena a little oddly, a little forlorn.
“I’ll text you.”
Okay.
Kara left, and Lena was alone in Kara’s
(their)
loft with just herself and Zillow open on her laptop.
Lena browsed for a while, but none of the places looked right. They were all as if HGTV had puked onto an old house. The minimalism and open concepts reminded her too much of her Old Life. She wanted quirky. She wanted unique. She wanted a place that reflected who Lena really was.
Jesus H Christ, was this a mid life crisis? She wasn’t that old.
Lena was startled out of her reverie when the door swung open and Kara stormed in, slammed it shut, and kicked off her shoes, storming barefoot across the loft.
“Fucking asshole,” said Kara.
Lena blinked, stunned by the profanity, only to be filled with outrage.
“Kara? What happened?”
“This is the last time I let someone at work set me up on a date. I didn’t even want to go, Alex badgered me into it.”
Lena put her computer aside. Kara grabbed a pair of beers from the fridge and popped the lids with her thumbs as she sat down, which was literally one of the hottest things she did on a regular basis. She offered Lena one and took a pull on her own.
“He was a jerk,” said Kara. “I tried asking him whether a hot dog is a sandwich, and he just said ‘who cares’.”
“Kara, a hot dog is a sandwich. We’ve been through this.”
Kara glared at her. “I’m not doing this again, Lena. Not until you admit that a burrito is a sandwich.”
Lena rolled her eyes.
“The last straw was when he told me I shouldn't work out so much. He said my muscles make me look like a man."
Lena blinked. "Where did your coworkers find this jerk?"
"Accounting. He wouldn't shut up about his finance degree. He insisted on paying for everything, too. Oh, and he told me I eat too much! All I did was order some appetizers!"
Lena drained her beer and grabbed another. She listened patiently as Kara vented about this guy and the other various jerks she'd gone one date with.
"I'm doomed, Lena. Every guy is a dick and insecure around me."
At around this time, she finished beer five. Lena nodded.
“Even if I think it’s working I lose the spark. Like when James finally wanted to go out with me and I was just like ‘nah.’”
“James… was nah for me too,” said Lena.
(Honestly, Kara, you should try dating girls.)
“Wait,” said Kara, “What?”
Oh.
She said that one out loud.
Shit.
“Um,” Lena said, lamely panicking, “I um, that was a joke, I meant… well it… worked out for your sister?”
Kara gaped at her.
Lena swallowed hard. “Would you believe it sounded funny in my head?”
“Have you… ever dated girls?” said Kara.
Lena’s stomach almost shot out of her throat. She put her most recent beer down to keep it from sloshing as her hands shook. She looked at Kara, who looked back, expectant… and hopeful?
“Yes,” Lena admitted. “Jack was the only man. I ever dated except James, but there have been women, too. Not that many. Despite my reputation I was never that social.”
“Who?” Kara asked, immediately.
Lena licked her lips. “Andrea.”
Kara stared. “Andrea? Andrea Rojas? Really?”
“It was a teen thing that ended in our eariy twenties, but it was serious. So do you remember how I told you I knew Roulette from boarding school?”
Kara nodded.
“Well, I knew her, um, biblically.”
Kara snorted. “No way. Who else?”
Lena smiled. At least she wasn’t being weird about it.”
“You’re not saying no to trying it yourself,” said Lena.
Kara looked away.
“I…”
She took a drink of beer.
“There are no queer people on Krypton, Lena. There weren’t, I guess I should say.”
The pain in Kara’s voice made Lena shift closer, set aside her drink and curl a hand softly around her arm.
“You don’t have to tell me this if it hurts.”
Kara shook her head. “I… my culture would not allow anything, uh, gay. Or homosexual. Like we literally don’t even have a word for it, it’s so foreign to us. We were taught that the only acceptable pairing was for the best possible offspring. Most of my people didn’t have sex at all, it was all artificial. My aunt and uncle were some who did, they had Clark naturally.”
“So Kryptonians can’t be gay?”
Lena’s heart sank.
“I didn’t think so, but, there was this girl once and she made me feel something I never felt before… and seeing her made all of my other feelings feel different. After I saw her I suddenly felt like I was just going after guys because I was supposed to. Even when I was with Mon-El I had this feeling that… I mean it felt good and I liked being able to cut loose but it felt like…”
Lena waited, not wanting to push her.
“Frankly, it felt like using him as a sex toy. Nothing else in our relationship really felt that deep. Even when he came back and went to Argo with me, I was more happy about my mother seeing me continue our family line than I was about him actually being with me. The second time he left I almost felt relieved.”
“That’s a lot, Kara. I had no idea.”
“I had no idea you liked girls either,” said Kara.
“I really do,” Lena admitted. “Who was she, this girl that stole your heart? High school crush?”
“No,” said Kara. “I met her as Supergirl. The first time I ever saw her, I saved her.”
“Very romantic.”
Kara sighed. “She was the prettiest. She’s so soft, so inviting, and whenever she looks at me I feel like she’s staring right through me, seeing everything in a good way. She’s smart and kind and brave and she has the prettiest blue-green eyes and one of them is a little more blue and the other is a little more green.”
Lena felt the blood drain from her face as her hand shook. Kara smiled wistfully.
“I was always too scared to say anything. I didn’t think she’d ever want me the way I want her.”
Lena looked up and met Kara’s gaze.
“I want more than to not be alone,” said Kara. “I want to be understood. I want to be with someone but I want to be together with someone I can be alone with. Somebody who gets me, who likes what I like, who takes joy in sharing the things we love. Who looks really cute in my clothes. Especially the hexalotl shirt.”
Lena blinked.
“Oh.”
(Oh)
“I like all that stuff but also blondes with big muscles who fly.”
Kara lunged across the couch and had Lena’s arms in her grip, and suddenly was lying on top of her, in that dress. Lena stared up at her.
“I wonder who we know who fits that description,” said Kara.
“I want you to kiss me.”
Kara smirked and leaned down, bringing her lips to Lena’s, and Lena honest to god moaned into her mouth as the kiss deepened, panting with excitement. As if her intentions weren’t obvious, Lena ground herself against Kara, working her thigh between her legs.
“I thought you were straight,” Kara blurted out.
“As spaghetti,” said Lena.
“What?” Kara blinked.
“I’ll explain later. As great as that dress looks on you, darling, it’d look better on the floor.”
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elfven-blog · 1 year ago
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The Better Companion
Summary: You consider getting your bunny a companion, he shows you why it’s not necessary.
Bunny!Leon x F!Reader CW: MDNI, 18+ Only, breeding, p in v, using clothes to masturbate, bunny!leon, eating out, somnophilia Word count: 2.3K Credit: That anon from @lipglossanon thank you for the inspiration
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When hybrids became a popular companion for people, most went for cats and dogs. The kittens and the puppies were adorable with their floppy ears or their soft tails. As a kid you were always jealous, not only could your family not afford a hybrid at the time (especially with adoption not being an option back then) but you simply never had the room for them. It wasn’t all bad, you had a friend who grew up with her two dogs. A Rottweiler and an American Cocker Spaniel sibling pair that Jill’s parents had brought, originally they had just wanted the male Rottweiler, but he wouldn’t leave the girl.
You had spent a lot of time around Jill’s house anyway with your mothers haven being childhood friends, it was a given you would be too. Even now with the both of you fully grown, having moved out of your childhood homes and with jobs the both of you were still the best of friends. The hybrid laws had changed over the years, adoption was more widespread, hybrid children were welcomed in schools, their healthcare had been explored more, they could get jobs, but it was still stunted. While they had more rights the hybrids were still seen as companions more than their own people. More like pets.
But one thing to change for you personally was that you had adopted a hybrid. It wasn’t a dog or a cat like you wanted as a child, you had gone with a bunny. He was a fully grown rabbit that hated being called bunny by anyone other than you, he had the cutest floppy ears and a cotton tail that twitched when he was annoyed. Recently, however, your bunny had been more short-tempered than usual.
On this particular morning before you left for work he had thumped and even bitten, some of the wooden toys you had to buy to keep his teeth down, in half. Normally his tantrums were never so bad, you dreaded what your house would look like when you finished your shift. You had been ranting to Jill for nearly your entire shift, whenever she made her way near the police reception desk for more papers or whatever she needed to do her job.
“He’s a bunny right? Maybe he needs a friend? They’re not meant to be alone, and you’ve picked up extra shifts” oh and now you felt silly, of course he needed a friend. Your mouth dropped open as you thought about Jill’s words. Thanking her as she walked off to her own desk to continue whatever case she was on. You set about scrolling on your computer to look for a companion for your normally sweet bunny. An extra mouth to feed would mean you needed to possible pick up more shifts, but it would be worth it to keep Leon happy.
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You walked through the door after your long shift had finished, not seeing, or hearing the usual noises of Leon as you pulled your coat and shoes off to leave them by the door. With that done you walked further into the house, making your way to the living room and your mouth dropped open in surprise. The tv was playing one of Leon’s favourite shows, which wasn’t unusual, but the area was covered in the various blankets and pillows you had collected over the years. And in the centre on the floor was a small blanket fort, you got on your knees and lifted the blanket slightly.
And there under the fort, swaddled in another blanket and surrounded by your jumpers and hoodies was the blonde bunny. Your heart softened at the gaze as you looked at him, moving further into the small area, Leon was asleep, small snores leaving him as he nuzzled into one of your favourite hoodies. You lay down next to him, hands running through his hair and over his sensitive ears which caused him to roll over and bury his face into your chest instead, letting the hoodie fall from his grasp.
The action caused you to smile down at him, pressing a kiss to his forehead and grabbing one of the blankets from the floor to pull over you both as you settle down on the floor. Your attention is on the tv but as you grab the blanket your hand touches something sticky, and you take a breath of annoyance. You had told Leon before to eat at the table. You glanced down to see what food or drink he had spilt this time, but your eyes go wide, and a squeak leaves you as you look at the sticky white on the colourful blanket.
There was a lot of it. You looked around the small area he had made for himself, realising that quite a few items of yours were covered in dried white marks. God, you really really needed to get him a companion. But first, you peeled him off you and moved out of the den and quickly went to go take a shower. Feeling embarrassed while under the water as the image of your clothes covered in your sweet bunnies cum flashed through your mind. There was a small part of your mind, a dark part that lit up at the idea and slick gathered between your thighs at the idea of Leon sniffing your hoodies while his hips rutted his cock up into his fist.
You reached your hand up and turned the dial on the shower so that cold water ran down your body, stopping the heat in its track to cool you down and wash those thoughts away. He was your bunny; you couldn’t have those dirty thoughts.
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After the shower which took longer than you normally did and finally changing into some comfy clothes you made your way back to the living room, nerves eating away at what you might find. But much to your surprise, the entire thing had been put away. Even the soiled clothing had been put on to wash from what you could hear. And Leon was sat on the sofa like nothing had happened as he smiled up at you innocently.
With this sight your shoulders relaxed, and you moved to sit down on the sofa. Leons mouth pulled down in a frown at how far away you sat, he let out a short hissing sound his head moving under your chin to tell you he wanted attention. You bit your lip feeling a bit awkward as your hand moved up to pet at his hair and ears causing the hissing to ease into a clucking as he became more content and he slowly moved to rest his head on your lap.
As your nails carded against his scalp and he let out that low clucking from the back of his throat, you reached for your phone and pulled up the adoption website you had been browsing at work. Leons attention was pulled to you when you placed the phone in front of his face “Take a look at this for me?” he could hear the slight apprehension in your voice, and he took the phone with suspicion.
You could feel Leon starting to bristle as he looked at the site, his eyes darkening at the sight of all the doe’s he was scrolling past. When he spoke his voice was terse “What is this?” you watched his cottontail twitch in annoyance and heard the grinding of his teeth. Your hand moving to soothe through his hair as you shrugged.
“Rabbits are social…I’ve been working a lot and I just figured you needed a more constant companion. All those doe’s are ready for adoption, and we could go look over the weekend” Before you could even finish your sentence Leon had stood up, thrown your phone onto the sofa next to you and started going walking away “Leon!”
He ignored you as he walked to his room stomping up the stairs as he went, slamming the door behind him and you heard the lock click into place as well. You rubbed at your forehead with a sigh. The rest of the evening was spent with the house in silence before you made your way to bed a little later that night. Making sure to leave him out some food for when he, no doubt, ventured out after he heard your door shut.
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You wake up in a haze, your brow scrunched as you realised how hot you felt. You try to move your legs but there’s a grunt and their pinned down by something heavy. Then you finally notice the hot and wet feeling between your thighs. Your eyes drift down to see blonde hair, tongue lapping at your cunt. Your brain is slow to process what’s happening, but your body reacts immediately, hands curling into his hair as your hips roll up into his mouth.
Leon opens his eyes, almost no blue left in them as his arms move to pin your hips down as he pulls away. His mouth and jaw are dripping in slick “Finally awake little doe? Tasting this juicy pussy for so long, just lay back and let me” you whine still in a daze as he goes back to sucking on your clit, his tongue licking over your pussy lips.
“Why would I need another dumb rabbit? Got the best pussy right here, s’all I need” slick drips out of your fluttering hole at his words, and he drinks it up. His tongue fucking into your needy hole “So greedy, just need to a good doe and let me have my fill”.
Your mind starts to clear as you tug his hair, pulling him further into your pussy with a whine “Shouldn’t do this, s’dirty” Leon groans into your pussy, hands moving to your thighs to pin them down and leave you spread open as he pulls away.
“Not dirty, just what you need. A big strong buck to fill you up” He spits onto your pussy, causing you to whine as he watches it drip down until he’s fucking it into your hole with his tongue and your hips roll up.  He moves to press wet open-mouthed kisses to your sensitive clit as his tongue flicks against it over and over until your back is arching pressing you pussy into his mouth.
“Leon, gonna cum, g’nna make me cum” You’re moaning as you speak, and one of your hands moves to tug his ear. He groans into you clenching hole, lapping at your pussy lips with slow strokes before he’s tongue fucking you again. His hands press your thighs to his head, as you squeeze around him and continuously roll your hips up.
“C’mon pretty doe, cum all over my face, get me messy” His face is pressed into your folds, as he sucks on the sensitive bud. Your hands tighten in a bruising grip as your legs kick and his face is covered in your slick as you cum, coating his jaw and chin as it drips down.
Leon moves up the bed, body pressing against yours to pin you to the bed and you taste yourself on his tongue as he kisses you messily until there’s spit drooling down your chin. His hands move your legs to so he can easily rut his hips up, his cock running through the slick dripping from your folds. Your hands claw at his broad back as Leon presses the fat head of his cock slip into the clenching hole of your warmth.
He sinks slowly into you before pulling back out and then pushing back in. His pace not changing as he buries himself into your pussy. “Gonna look so pretty, all swollen with my kits” His words turn your head to syrup as he fucks into you, and you decide it’s not enough as your hands scratch at his shoulders and your legs wrap around his waist.
Luckily your bunny takes the hint quickly, his hips speeding up until he’s railing you into the bed and his weight is pressing you down. He’s thrusting into you deeper and deeper until you’re sure you can feel the tip of him kiss your cervix. His hand moves between your bodies so he can rub and pinch at your clit while he fucks his cock deep into your pussy.
You choke on a whine, eyes clouded from the sensation of burning pleasure coursing through your body. “Please, Leon. Want it so bad, breed me, please” Your voice is a whisper as you beg him to fuck you full of his seed, and his eyes almost go black from the pleasure your words bring as he rabbits his hips against yours. Wet slapping fills the room from the force of his thrusts that have the bed knocking against the wall.
“God yes, gonna fill you, keep you here on my cock to make sure it takes” His voice is low and wanting as your walls squeeze hard on him, grunts falling from him as he pushes his hips flush with yours. Your orgasm hits with an intense force as you gush around his cock and coat your thighs while it drips onto the sheet. Leon holds you to him as he slows his rhythm down all the while still continuing to push into you, your hole spasms and clenches around him as he circles your clit, your legs shake from the overstimulation.
He stills his hips close to yours, head burying in your neck as he licks at the skin, his cock kicks inside you before he’s filling you with a hot sticky mess. He lays his body against you to keep you there as he gives you a slow gently kiss and his hands move to soothe at your sides and legs. “So so pretty, my pretty doe”.
Maybe you didn’t need to get him a companion after all.
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thewriterwithnoplan · 10 months ago
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THE WINTER KEEP (2/2)
Summary: You have fled the Red Keep, the Greens and Alicent's poison. It is time to play your hand and herald your mother's ascension on a larger scale. You will fly to Winterfell, treat with the Lord Cregan Stark and await your brother. You are weak and a girl, no longer. You are a dragon ready to spill blood to ensure your promises are kept.
[Part 2 to The Highest Tower]
Soulmate AU: Your animal familiar leads you to your soulmate.
Pairing: Cregan Stark x Reader 
Word Count: 5631
Warnings: Canon typical warnings, swearing, canon divergence, my first time writing for hotd, pretty sure I'm missing something...
Masterlist
Laesuvion had taken to the skies through a hole in the dragon pit. Swift and lethal and stealthy as a white dragon against dark clouds could be. Come morning the whole of Kings Landing would know that you had fled. Come morning the usurper King and his council of snakes would be plotting your demise. You would need every advantage, every inch of distance you could gain before they found the wherewithal to send men after you. The Queen could protect you no longer, your time as her ward had passed. As Laesuvion crested the skies above the Red Keep, and you urged him north, you left just as you had arrived all those years ago. Rhaenyra’s only daughter. Her greatest supporter. Her most loyal weapon.
It took some days to fly north, you rested only once. On the second night of flying, setting down in the swamplands just beyond Greywater Watch. You swaddled yourself in your flying cloak and huddled in a hollow tree as Laesuvion hunted. Sleep came in fitful bursts, each gust of wind and animal sound convincing you that despite your head start from having flown through night and day and night again, the king's loyal men had somehow found you. You awoke around dawn to find Laesuvion’s bulk curved around your tree, his breathing deep and rhythmic in sleep. You crept toward his front claws and the charred mass caged there.
Your first food in some hours, since the day prior when you had polished off the meagre supplies you had smuggled out of the Keep. You tore charred clumps from what might have once been a deer or livestock from a nearby farm. You set these aside in case Laesuvion woke hungry, as you shredded his offering until– There, protected by the cocoon of hardened char, well-cooked meat. You gorged yourself.
You took to the skies an hour later, dehydration your greatest enemy so close to the searing sun. You wrapped your cloak around you, tied yourself firmly to the saddle and tried desperately to catch another snatch of rest. Through that morning, that evening and night, Laesuvion tore through the skies of Westeros.
You landed in the Northlands on the third dawn of your travels. The south gate of Winterfell rose to greet you, a small host of men waiting under its shelf. Dehydrated, exhausted, terrified, you could have wept with joy.
“Holt!” You startled. It was a woman.
“I mean no harm.” You dismounted Laesuvion carefully, moving purposefully to disguise your limb's feeble shakes. At eye level, though separated by a good fifty yards you repeated, “I mean you no harm.”
“Your dragon?” The woman demanded.
The men shifted nervously as Laesuvion gave a chest-deep rumbling purr. “Merely glad to have found our destination.”
“Come forward.”
“To whom do I speak?” You inched forward, Laesuvion nosing at your back.
“Sara Snow.” Up close you found Sara Snow to be very beautiful. With ebony hair twisted in intricate braids and eyelashes so long they caught snowflakes. A true northern beauty, with a sword strapped to her back and a pelt secured to her shoulders.
“I seek an audience with Lord Cregan Stark.”
“He is in a meeting with his men.”
“He will want to speak to me.” You smiled pleasantly, “He owes loyalty to my mother, the Queen.”
“House Stark owes loyalty to King Viserys.” Sara jutted her chin, “No oaths were sworn to his lady-wife.”
“You misunderstand me, Sara Snow. I speak of my mother, the Realms Delight. Queen Rhaenyra to whom Lord Rickon swore fealty.”
The men sent furtive glances to one another. Sara paused and then curtsied. “Forgive me, Princess. The North had not heard word of you for some years now, we feared you had been lost.”
“Ah, I have been kept to the Keep for some time.”
“Winterfell is most honoured to–” Sara turned.
The sound of crunching snow, hurried footsteps, quickened breath. One of Sara’s men toppled to the ground as a dire wolf barrelled through his legs. Pitch black but frosted with snow, it careened toward you. The man giving chase shouted the wolf’s name, skidded around the line of men, and stumbled to a stop mere inches in front of you. In what seemed to be perfect, practised coordination, Laesuvion jammed his snout into your back as the dire wolf danced around his owner's legs. In a heap of limbs, winter cloaks, and riding leathers, you collapsed on the man and fell to the snow.
You wheezed; the air knocked from your lungs. Your limbs shook as you scrambled up, plating a hand on the man's face as leverage.
“Sir.” You hissed; with all the royal poise you could muster. Alicent would be appalled. Your mother would be beyond amused.
“My apologies, lady.” The man grabbed your hips to lift you from him. Mortified you slapped his hands away and fought to your feet. “If you would just let me–”
You struggled, “Unhand me!”
“Here, just–” You planted a knee in his groin. He tried to curl up beneath you.
“Get off me!” You gave him a harsh shove and fumbled to your feet. “How dare–”
Sara Snow launched into raucous laughter. Hand clutching her side as she howled in delight. Her men shuffled as if wondering whether to intervene. Your assailant hobbled to his feet, one handheld protectively over his front, the other outstretched toward you as if to keep you at a distance.
You whirled toward Sara, “What is the meaning of this?”
“Apologies, lady.” The man heaved, his dire wolf prancing about his feet. “It was an honest accident. Shadow has been tense of late.”
“You let your wolf run wild in such a way?” You sneered.
“As wild as you allow your dragon to be.”
As if on cue, Laesuvion pressed the length of his head to your back again. The dire wolf herded his owner.
“Laesuvion?” You turned, pressing your freezing fingers to the scales of his nose. “Lykirī, iōrās aril.” (be calm, stay back).
He huffed and shoved at your hands. You toppled again; this time the man caught you against his chest. Laesuvion shuffled back, his tail swishing through the snow in a great arch. A growl rumbled up his throat as one of Sara’s men tried to approach.
“Ah.” The man smiled down at you in understanding.
You tried shoving at him again, but his grip held firm. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like I am a wolf pup or a precious stone, or some covetous thing.”
“You are more precious than both I fear, and certainly something to covet.” He held your forearms to contain your struggle. “I have waited many years to find my Promised. I did not imagine you would be so violent.”
Sara coughed, “Welcome brother. Might I be the first to introduce you to our Princess, daughter of Rhaenyra. She has come from King’s Landing to treat with you.” She sketched a bow, her lips still trembling, “Your Highness, my brother, the Lord Cregan Stark.”
You gaped, your mouth opening and closing. A myriad of emotions warmed your face. Bone deep mortification. The purest delight. Wonderment. Utter confusion. Behind you, the dire wolf, Shadow, ran playfully around Laesuvion. Your dragon moved to face the tiny yipping creature, stealing his warm breath from your back. You shivered the cold striking through you like a physical blow.
“Princess?” Cregan Stark asked softly. “Are you well?”
“I am cold and hungry and tired, and I wish to bathe.” You said in a rush, utterly horrified with yourself.
But your Promised only smiled, “Of course.”
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Cregan Stark was a most gracious host. In the hours since your arrival, you had been given quarters in the same hall as that of the Starks. A maid had gone about filling the tub in your rooms with water warmed on the fire, to which she added fragrant oils and sweet-smelling soap. As you bathed the maid returned – Atara, you learned – to ply you with cheeses and fresh bread, soft meats, and stewed root vegetables. Once you had been thoroughly scrubbed and fed, you dressed in the soft night clothes Atara had brought with her and curled up in the thick expanse of blankets atop your bed.
You were allowed to sleep for far longer than you might have suspected. Only being roused by Atara once the sun had well and truly set.
“Your Highness, Lord Stark asks that you join his family for dinner.”
You tumbled out of bed, and over to the dresser where you let her braid back your hair in the northern style. She handed you a thick winter dress that Sara had sent for you to borrow and allowed you to don it yourself. Stepping in only to tighten the taught laces at its back. You delighted in the simple joy of dressing yourself, so used to the Queen’s maids who scrubbed you raw and laced you tightly into dresses all shaded the same insidious green.  
Atara whispered to you as she led you through the halls of Winterfell, “Lord Stark is a good and generous man. He has been Warden of the North for some years now, he is a just leader and kind to those in his employ. It is his uncle, who was his regent, and his power-hungry cousins you must watch.”
“Will they be at dinner?”
“No, they are north and east in Karhold. Though his sister will be present.”
“Sara Snow. She is his sister born? I assumed the Lord was her brother-at-arms, not a true blood relative.”
“Indeed,” Atara corralled you down another cavernous hall. “She is his sister and among his most trusted advisors.”
“Why does she bear the name Snow?”
“It is the surname given to those born out of wedlock in the north.”
“And this is not an issue in the north?”
Atara considered it for a moment, “For some it is. But Lord Stark is a better man than most.”
You wondered if she had been sent to sing his praises or if the people of the north were truly so enamoured with their lord.
“Is he not married?” You asked hesitantly, the thought had not yet crossed your mind.
Atara grinned, “He is not, Your Highness.”
“Nor betrothed?”
“Nor does he have a lover.” She assured. “We servants would know.”
“Thank you, you have been most enlightening.” You smiled as you reached the Stark’s private dining hall, “I will see to myself tonight. Please, enjoy your evening.”
Atara curtsied, “Have a most wonderful night, Your Highness.”
You most certainly would.
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The Starks took private dinners in a humble hall. Three places had been set at the far end of the dining table with a generous spread laid out between them. Cregan and Sara looked up from their conversation as you crossed to your seat.
“My apologies, Lord Stark, Lady Snow.” You bowed your head. “I did not mean to keep you waiting.”
Sara snorted into her cup, “Please, Princess, formalities are for the feasting hall and for those whose names you cannot remember.”
“Sister,” Cregan hissed.
You fought a smile, “Forgive me, Sara, I would not have you think I had forgotten your name already.”
“How does the dress fit?”
“Wonderfully,” You swished from side to side, “You are most generous.”
“I have never had a sister,” she said thoughtfully.
Cregan spluttered into his cup. You grinned, “Nor I.”
You thought only briefly of Heleana and her mother and their glittering cage.
Cregan leapt from his seat to pull yours out for you, “Please, ignore my sister, she is overly friendly.”
“Please, ignore my brother,” Sara mocked. “He is overly nervous.”
“Tis not everyday one meets their Promised.” He met your eyes fleetingly.
What a soft demeanour for the Warden of the North, you thought. Though you supposed you had smiled more today than you had in all your years in the Red Keep, so perhaps today was not a good judge of anyone’s character. You allowed him to serve up your plate as Sara kept up a steady stream of conversation. First marvelling at the fit of her dress on you, then the colour of your eyes, your hair in northern braids, your improved state after some well-needed rest.
“Is she not a sight, dear brother?” She teased.
“I apologise for my earlier state of unkempt.” You winced. You had hit the Lord of this castle, your Promised rather hard.
“I thought you looked marvellous.” Cregan argued, then seemed to realise what he’d said and hurried to add, “We have received reports that your dragon has taken to the Wolfswood.”
You exhaled slowly, “Laesuvion flew through day and night twice over to get me here so swiftly. He will be in need of food and rest as much as I.”
“Laesuvion. That is a beautiful name.” He said softly. “We can send meat if you wish?”
“He is a good hunter; he has fed himself since I was ten.”
“Still to have flown so fiercely, with so little rest…”
“It does not do well to deprive a dragon of its hunt. Especially in such times as these.”
Cregan placed his utensils down carefully, “Princess, what has brought you to Winterfell?”
You lowered your fork. Good, time to stop dancing around the subject. From the pocket of your skirt, you withdrew the King’s missive.
“I am not sure how far and fast word has travelled,” You looked to the siblings and frowned. “King Viserys is dead, and Aegon has been crowned in my mother's place. The night of his coronation Queen Alicent gave me this letter for you, Lord Stark, she wishes for us to marry.”
Cregan broke the seal of the King’s letter and read silently.
“There are worse things than to be told to marry ones Promised,” Sara joked lamely. You smiled weakly in the tense silence.
Finally, Cregan folded the letter and turned to you, “Why were you with the Queen, not with your mother on Dragonstone?”
“I have been the Queen’s ward for some nine years now.”
“And are you loyal to her?”
“As a dog is to its owner.”
“They are very loyal in the North,” Sara said.
“I was traded to her as reparations when my brother gorged her son's eye.” You said plainly, “I was her possession, but I remain my mother’s daughter.”
“House Stark swore fealty to Princess Rhaenyra when she was made heir,” Cregan watched you carefully. “There has never been a Stark who has forgotten an oath.”
“I too have made a promise to my mother. I intend to keep it.”
Cregan brandished the letter, “This offers your hand in return for the North’s neutrality in the coming conflict. Is that what you wish?”
“May I speak plainly, my lord?”
“Please.”
“That letter is likely a forgery by the Dowager Queen’s hand. She is mistaken on many fronts, I fear, the least of which was Aegon’s ascension to King. I do not wish to go to war with my kin, but if it becomes inevitable I would rather do so with strong allies and in support of my mother.”
His head tilted, “House Stark is already an ally of your mother.”
“Yes,” You folded your hands on the table. “I should tell you, Lord Stark. My mother has sworn to marry me to my Promised for my service as her spy in the Red Keep.”
“You wish us to marry?”
“I wish to offer you my hand, outside my mother’s promise or the Queen’s demands.” You cleared your throat, and just as you had carefully prepared on your journey here you said, “I have been trained in the ways of the court, I will be of use to you in councils and in handling the affairs of your territory. I am of royal breeding, you will be made Prince-Consort, our children Princes, and Princesses of the realm. I have dragon eggs for their cradles and Valyrian blood for their veins. I would ask only that you allow Laesuvion to stay with me in the North. If not, I shall wait here until such a time as my brother Jacaerys comes to treat with you, that I might return with him to Dragonstone.”
You watched the Lord, his eyes dancing with an unnamed light as he listened to you. “I will need time.”
“Of course, my Lord, speak with your advisors.”
“You misunderstand him, Princess.” Sara grinned.
Cregan smiled, “I will not marry you hastily. I will need to summon my family and prepare a feast. It is a special thing, for those of our station, to be given leave to marry our Promised.”
“I–” You were unsure what you expected. “I suppose it is.”
Sara clapped gleefully, “Shall we call for dessert?”
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You wore the soft nightclothes once more as you sat at your vanity and penned your mother a letter.
Mother,
How I have missed you. Know that I have thought of you often and never strayed from my mission nor my loyalty to you.
I have fled King's Landing and taken the Lord Hands life with me. Though the smallfolk have no mind to protest whichever Targaryen collects their taxes, you have many allies in the Red Keep. I have interred a list of those Lords and Ladies who remain loyal to you as well as those I have heard of beyond and some whom we may turn with careful diplomacy.
I am at Winterfell with my Promised, Lord Cregan Stark, whom I will marry in the coming weeks. With your blessing, of course. I await Jacaerys, with news of our family and our strategy. In the meanwhile, I intend to discuss what supplies and men Winterfell may have to offer you.
Mostly I am writing to you because I can. I am overwhelmed with the freedom to do so, to be able to tell you once more how much I love you. I cannot imagine how this week has been for you, know that though we are separated I am your most fierce supporter.
I have had a thought, in my hours here, about how far Winterfell is from the capital. How far we will be if we are forced into battle and bloodshed. Perhaps you might consider sending Joffery here, to mine and my soon-to-be Lord Husband's care.
I hope you are well, Mother. I love you from the very depths of my heart.
You signed the letter with a careful flourish and set it aside. You would ask Atara where you might find a raven-master to have it sent. You touched your fingers to it softly, your first contact with your family in nearly a decade. To tell your mother that you were preparing for marriage and war.
As you blew out your candles and settled into bed, you hoped your mother would like Lord Cregan Stark.
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On your fourth morning in Winterfell, you took morning tea with Sara. She had taken lengths to make you comfortable in the days since your arrival, and you took great joy in breaking your fast with her each morning. Today, you spent the early hours humming and haring over the tiny sample cakes you had been sent to taste for the upcoming feast. As you ate, Sara told you all that she could about the castle, the arriving lords, the Stark territory, and their histories.
Northern marriage traditions, you had learned, were not so different from those celebrated at King’s Landing, there would be the exchanging of cloaks and binding words spoken before gods but there would also be a hunt. Women such as yourselves would not be invited but you would find your own fun, Sara assured.
“It is tradition to have the pelts in your quarters and the meats on the feasting table.”
You lifted a citrusy cake between your thumb and forefinger, “Husband and wife share quarters here?”
“Most,” Sara said thoughtfully, “Though I’m sure Cregan would accommodate you if it is different in the south.”
“What happens if their hunt is unsuccessful?”
“I imagine there will be much embarrassment among the North, that we could not bring our Princess quarry for her wedding table.” Sara snatched the half-eaten cake from your hands and winked, “Fear not, Cregan is a good hunter.”
“If he is not,” You smiled fiendishly, “I suppose the two of us will have to find meats for the feast ourselves.”
Sara snorted, “I think my brother would be rather put out at being unable to provide you with a gift on your wedding day. But the look on his face as we return from our own hunt is almost worth it.”
You jolted, “Am I to bring him a gift?”
“You have brought him dragon eggs.”
“For our children.” You argued.
“For his heirs,” She assured, “I think he is already downtrodden at the idea of only being able to bring you fur and meat.”
“I bring only scales and fire.”
“You will be a very warm family.”
“And very well-fed.”
Sara snatched another cake from you, “Only if you keep eating all of these before I get a taste!”
You guffawed. “I am hungry, and they are so tiny!”
“They need be, so you can keep eating.”
“And I shall!”
“Your Highness, Lady Snow,” Atara curtsied as she entered, “Lord Stark has requested your presence in the courtyard.”
“Another lord has arrived?” Sara sank her teeth into another teacake. “Which house does he hail from?”
“No Lord, my Lady.” Atara looked to you uneasily, “A Prince. Of House Targaryen.”
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After nearly nine years kept apart by the waters of Blackwater Bay, and three long days separated by your duties, the time had come. You caught your first look at your eldest brother as you left the comfort of the Great Keep and nearly crumpled to the ground. Sara laid a steadying hand at your shoulder as Atara whispered sweet comforts. But nothing could prepare you for the sight laid out in the courtyard.
Jacaerys, with Vermax perched atop the walls of the keep. Jacaerys, with tousled dark hair. Jacaerys, once the awkward boy you followed dutifully, now an emissary of the Queen. Jacaerys, your brother. Jacaerys, your mother’s son.
“Jacaerys!” You ran. Past Sara and Atara, past Cregan and his warning cry. You ran. Almost straight into the end of your brother’s sword. You pulled to a halt, the blade a whisper away from your sternum, “Jacaerys?”
“Sister,” He sneered. “How far you are from your castle.”
“I have escaped.”
“You have been sent as an emissary of the usurper and his cunt-mother.”
“She did not tell you?” Your arms slumped at your side. “Mother sent me as a spy, she and Daemon trusted me to–”
“Her trust was misplaced. You have betrayed us.”
“I have come here to rally the North for our mother’s claim, just as you have.”
“You have come here to better your station.”
“I am a Princess.” You hissed, confused, and insulted.
“You are Princess of nothing, of no house.”
“I am of House Targaryen,” You pressed forward until the tip of his sword tore through the bodice of your dress and blood welled. You turned, held out your hand and gave Cregan a pleading look, he shifted but stayed back. “I am Princess of loyalty, of oaths and duty. I have come to the North to escape the Greens, to tell our mother, the Queen, all that I have discovered these years.”
“Where was loyalty,” Jacaerys shook with rage. “When they dragged us before the Iron Throne and called our mother a whore and our brothers bastards? Where was duty, when Lucerys was nearly stripped of his birthright? Where were you when Laenor died? When Rhaenys flew to our mother's side to tell her of–”
“Our father is dead?” You whispered.
“Your father is Daemon.” He growled under his breath.
You reeled back, “My father is Laenor Velaryon.”
“It is Daemon. He told us so himself when he married Mother.”
“Daemon and mother are married?”
His sword sagged slightly, “The Greens did not tell you? What of Viserys and Aegon?”
“Our grandsire and uncle?”
Jacaerys looked pained, “Our brothers.”
You fell to your knees, shoved your face in your hands and wept. Jacaerys jerked his sword backward and staggered away from you as Cregan rushed to your side.
“Princess?” He wrapped a protective arm over you. “What is the matter?”
“The question of Driftmark’s succession,” Jacaerys stared at you in horror. “Where were you?”
“I did not know!” You sobbed. “I did not know!”
“Otto Hightower said you would not see us, that you felt abandoned and betrayed when Mother gave you to the Greens.”
Cregan pulled you closer to him as Jacaerys inched forward. He growled, “Stand back. You have no enemies among the Starks. Do not make one.”
“I went willingly, for mother, for Lucerys.” You glared up at your brother. “You watched me! I traded my life; you watched me do it!”
“Otto Hightower–”
“Is dead!” You bared your teeth. “I fled King’s Landing, and I killed the man who usurped our mother, and you as her heir. I am loyal, I am steadfast, I am your greatest supporter as heir.”
“Tis true.” Cregan attested. “She has come to the North in support of your mother's claim. She has offered her hand to me, and we have talked much of giving your mother’s children sanctuary here.”
“You are betrothed?” Jacaerys whispered.
“I am.” You said proudly.
Cregan smiled at you softly, “The North is yours, my Prince. So long as my Promised wills it.”
“Sister.” Was all Jacaerys could say. “Sister.”
“Come,” Cregan lifted you to your feet. “My betrothed will catch a cold out here, let us speak inside.”
.
Cregan sat you gently by the fire swaddling you in the great expanse of his cloak. Sara brought tea to your side while your brothers sat at the other end of the room to discuss politics.
“Did you hear?”
Sara blew on her cup, “I heard a lot.”
“Did you hear what he said about my father?”
“That you lost one? Or that…” She pursed her lips.
“That I am Daemon’s bastard.”
“I did.”
“Do you think Cregan heard?” You burrowed into his cloak.
She gave you a secret smile, “Does it matter? You are a Princess, twice over. And Cregan keeps me around, does he not?”
“I only meant…” You turned away. “I fear he may think me liable to follow in my mother’s footsteps.”
“Will you?”
You stared at her, “Cregan has been kind to me, listened to me, protected me – given me more than anyone has ever offered me. And he is my Promised. Why should I stray from him?”
“Then there is no reason to fret.”
“And the King’s Hand?”
“What of him?”
“I killed him.” You half hid your face in your teacup.
“Do you regret it?” Sara asked curiously. “It is no small thing, to kill a man.”
“He has haunted my family for generations. I would do it again.”
Sara shrugged, “Then we will speak no more of it, justice has been served. I’m sure Cregan will more than agree.”
“Will he?”
“He has been forced to make decisions even further North of here, at the wall.” She took a long sip of tea and stared into the flames. “Some even I do not agree with. But we are family, and he is your Promised. So, it does not matter, does it?”
“No.” You stared into your cup. “I suppose not.”
“Princess!” The man in question came over with a charming grin, “Your brother has offered to escort you at our wedding.”
Jacaerys looked at you timidly, “If you will have me, sister.”
You looked first to Cregan who nodded, and then to Jacaerys with a soft smile. “Of course, brother. Nothing would please me more.”
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The letter from your mother arrived another four days later. It came to you clutched in Jacaerys’ hand with the seal broken. He had caught the raven just south of Winterfell as he, Cregan and the Northmen returned from the ceremonial hunt.
“I apologise, sister, I have never been accused of being patient.”
You scoffed, “Some things do not change.”
“Indeed,” Jacaerys said rather gravely. “I must ask a small favour of you before I give you this letter. It is on behalf of myself and our mother.”
You straightened, “Of course brother.”
“You will not open it until after you have been blissfully wedded to Lord Stark.” He paused at your dubious look, “Mother has words she wishes to share only after your wedding. Congratulations and such.”
“I suppose that is agreeable.” You took the letter carefully, “Though we require her blessings to move forward.”
“And you have them.” He tapped the letter. “In there. You shall marry your Promised tonight.”
“Tonight?”
“Tonight.”
And so, you married him that night.
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The Godswood was eerie in the darkness of night. Though lit by the torches of countless Northmen, it felt as if the darkness were reaching cool unnatural fingers toward your procession. Coaxing you, in your red-black Maiden Cloak toward the foot of the weirwood heart tree, where your Lord-Promised, his uncle, and the dire wolf Shadow wait. Jacaerys held your hand tightly as if frightened to let you go. Around you, Lords and honoured guests planted their torches in the snow, lighting the way for you and your brother. The wind whistled through the silence, broken only by the great rumbling in Laesuvion’s chest where he perched on the lip of the keep’s gate.
"Who comes before the Old Gods this night?" Called Bennard Stark.
Jacaerys whispered your name, then cleared his throat in embarrassment and announced it proudly, "Daughter of the House Targaryen, comes here to be wed. A woman grown and flowered, trueborn and noble. She comes to beg the blessing of the Gods. Who comes to claim her?"
"Cregan, of House Stark,” Your Promised sent you a small secret smile, “Warden of the North and Lord of Winterfell. Who gives her?"
"Jacaerys, of the House Velaryon, who is her brother and Prince." Jacaerys gave your hand a firm squeeze as he gave you to Cregan.
"Princess,” Lord Bennard made an admirable effort to say your name without disdain, “Will you take this man?"
You took Cregan’s large warm hands in your own and smiled, “I take this man.”
Silently, hands joined, you knelt to the cold earth. Around you, the Lords of the North fell to their knees and bowed their heads in deference. Foreheads pressed together, you and Cregan offered silent prayers to the Old Gods. When you stood as one, Sara was there in her uncle's place, a cloak of thick, luscious fur in the silver-grey of House Stark.
You tipped your head back as Cregan fiddled with the ties of your Maiden’s Cloak. You smiled at the sky as he struggled gently against your neck. Finally, it loosened, there was a brief shock of cold and then there was wonderous heat, the furred collar tickling your chin. You look to Cregan then, donned in his colours, wrapped in his protection. You smile softly at one another and lean into a soft kiss.
The black sky lights up with swashes of red as Laesuvion spits fire at the stars.
All at once sound returns to the Godswood as the witnesses of your nuptials cheer, chief among them is your brother. You laugh in delight as Cregan grips your cheeks and plants another kiss on your lips. Shadow yips at your heels as your husband sweeps you up into his arms and carries you toward the Great Hall.
He whispers sweet promises for your future, and you have never been more grateful to know how fiercely a Stark is at keeping their word.
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It was the wolf’s hour when the festivities swelled through the Great Hall and you found yourself drawn to a quiet corner. You excused yourself from your husband by pressing a chaste kiss to his temple. He smiled softly at you and trailed his fingers from yours as you walked toward the hearth roaring at the far end of the hall. You pulled your mother's letter from your pocket and pressed your fingers against her seal as if you could fuse the two halves back into a whole. She and Jacaerys would not mind, you were sure, it was your wedding day after all, and you craved an inch of your mother’s presence.
You unfolded her letter and read:
My dearest girl,
I have never doubted you and I do not do so now.
You have my blessings. Marry the Lord Cregan Stark and take joy in your Promised. I will entrust Baela and Rhaena to bring your young brothers into your care.
You have served me well, which is why I write to you now, though my heart tells me to spare you.
Aemond has taken Lucerys’ life. War has come.
You looked up gripping the letter until your fingers drew indents in the paper and made desperate eye contact with Jacaerys’ pained face. A sound halfway between a scream and a sob tore from your throat, drowned by the thundering roar of Laesuvion overhead. Cregan stood, fighting to stumble his way toward you, as the walls of Winterfell rattled with your fury.
Nine years you had spent in the Red Keep, learning your enemies inside and out. Carefully ushering pieces across a board too vast for you to comprehend, hoping desperately you could stop a war conceived long before you. It all narrowed to this moment. Wrapped in the cloak of your husband’s house, framed by the hearth fire, as your dragon raged above.
Your Brother. Your Dragon. Your Husband.
By Blood. By Fire. By the Old God’s Promise.
You would avenge your brother and bring war to the Greens.
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sixhours · 6 months ago
Text
looking for the light
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Rating: Everyone Series tags: The Last of Us, The Last of Us (HBO), Joel and Sarah, Sarah Miller, Joel Miller, baby Sarah, soft!Joel, Joel needs a hug, Joel is trying really hard OK, angst, angst with a happy ending, but mostly just angst, sorry Word count: ~750, it's a baby fic
Note: Y’all can blame @frannyzooey for this little bit of heartache.
You can also read on AO3.
~*~
She screams for what feels like hours.
“C’mon, baby girl,” he whispers, a note of desperation creeping in. He’s been through the checklist–formula, diaper, swaddle, rock–but she won’t settle. “Sweet girl, Sarah girl, it’s okay. You’re okay.”
We’re okay.
And she screams.
Her little face scrunched up, tears streaming down–those are new, he thinks dully–body arched taut as a bowstring.
Pace and rock and sway and prep the bottle only for her to spit it out, check the diaper, rub her back in slow, firm circles, pace and rock and sway and shush.
Screaming.
He turns 23 today. Or maybe it was yesterday. He doesn’t know what time it is, doesn't know how long she’s been like this.
“It’s alright, you’re alright. C’mon, baby girl. I got you.”
Screaming.
And then his hands are shaking too hard to hold her, his vision blurred with tears of his own.
He can’t do this.
He sets her in the crib, the one she hasn’t used since they brought her home, tiny limbs poking out of her car seat harness like a starfish, practically swallowed by the thing, so small.
Fleeing from the room. He doesn’t make it far. She is gravity and he is stuck in her orbit.
He slides down the wall in the hallway, curling in on himself, chest so tight he thinks he might pass out. When he finally sucks in a decent breath, it’s a barking, wheezing thing, and he wastes it on a sob.
Laureen walked out two weeks ago. No note, no call, just went back to her parents in Albany. The paperwork signing over her rights is sitting on the kitchen table, stained with coffee rings and sour milk.
Tommy’s bedroom is empty and he’s god knows where, probably drunk or fucking around with some girl. He’s 17, still a kid himself, another responsibility he isn’t ready for.
Joel bites down hard on his fist and wishes desperately for the mother they buried six months ago.
He can’t do this. He can’t. He can’t raise a baby and pay the bills and keep his brother out of trouble. He should…
No. No, he can’t do that. The nurse handed her to him in the hospital, all red-faced and slick, and she’d taken his heart when she wrapped her tiny hand around his thumb.
So that’s not an option.
But Christ, he’s drowning.
“Please.”
He doesn’t know who he’s talking to. Doesn’t know anything but the needling sound of her cries that he can no longer ignore.
He stands, swipes at his eyes, goes back into the room. Picks her up.
Pace and rock and sway and shush.
“Please, Sarah.”
Whispers swallowed by screams.
“Please, baby, tell me what you need. Please.”
Tears on his cheeks to match hers as he begs. He begs.
“Please, baby girl.”
And then he must bounce just right, or pat her just right, because she lets out the loudest, most magnificent burp Joel has ever heard. It shouldn’t be possible, such a big sound coming from such a tiny body. It rings in his ears and settles her quaking limbs, spit-up soaking the back of his shirt. He never has the burp cloth on the right side. It doesn’t matter.
Quiet.
“Was that it?” he sniffs, pathetic. “Was that all, sweet girl? Jus’ had a bubble, huh?”
Shuddery little hiccup against his chin.
“There she is,” he murmurs, cupping her tiny head in one palm, pressing a kiss to her sweaty forehead. “My girl, my Sarah girl.”
He collapses into the plush glider rocker, the one that cost a full month’s pay, the one Laureen insisted on. He hadn’t blinked, just wrote the check.
One foot on the floor, one on the ottoman, rocking. She settles on his chest, ear to his heart, already drowsy.
“We’re gonna be okay, you an’ me,” he whispers, nose pressed to her crown, tears still drying on his cheeks, willing himself to believe it. “We’re gonna be jus’ fine.”
~*~
Dawn.
She stirs, little snuffling noises, mouthing one tiny fist. 
He shifts her into the crook of his arm, sleep-crusted eyes blinking open to look at her, lets his thumb trace the velvet-soft curve of her cheek.
“Mornin’, baby girl.”
Dark brown eyes mirror his. The softest coo in answer.
And something new.
Tentative, hesitant at first, then blossoming.
“Yeah? You like that?”
Throat thick with love, shaky in-breath. Happy tears this time.
“Yeah,” he whispers, returning her first smile. “Yeah, we’re gonna be okay.”
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