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radiorenjun · 3 years ago

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carnations have thorns too || hrj

¤ pairing: huang renjun x reader

¤ genre: fluff, comedy, angst, college! au, childhood friends to lovers !au, friends to lovers! au, step brother's best friends! au, established relationship! hanahaki au! elements of enemies to lovers au!

¤ synopsis: after years and years of hopelessly pining for your step brother's best friend since you were six years old. life for you had gone from stealing roses from mrs. wong's garden to having sushi picnic dates on the park every thursday. to stop you from getting small for the sake of giving him roses, an eight year old renjun told your six year old self that he preferred carnations instead of roses. what he failed to tell you at that moment was that carnations have thorns too.

¤ warnings: angst, signs of unrequited love, heartbreak, swearing, mentions of blood, crying, arguments, mentions of loss of family member, mentions of coughing up blood, yangyang is a slightly shitty brother, renjun is sort of an ass, a character has a severe heart condition, MAJOR character death, mentions of parental abandonment, character death, SPOILERS FOR THE PENTHOUSE, throwing up petals and flowers, hospital scenes, accusations of cheating mentioned, neglection.

¤ word count : 28k

¤ a/n: special thanks to @lebrookestore for making the header and @roochcooch for beta reading this fic ♡!!

¤ DISCLAIMER: listen to this playlist to make your reading experience even better -> ♡

i. mrs. wong was more than happy to see young love blossom unlike her stolen roses

“Renjun! Renjun, look!” a seven year old you beamed as you ran up towards where the said boy and your step brother were leaning against the tree in your backyard with the nintendo DS on their hands. “Did you steal another flower from Mrs. Wong’s garden again?” your brother, Yangyang, laughed incredulously as he looked up from his nintendo DS for a brief moment to see the two ruby red roses in between your palms. “I wasn’t talking to you,” you deadpanned, shooting him an intense glare as you gave Renjun, the boy you were incredibly fond of, the roses in your hands.

“For you, my prince,” you said in a dramatically posh voice, sitting down as Renjun let out a small chuckle, shaking his head at you as he grabbed the roses from your palms with a pair of delicate fingers to prevent himself from getting pricked by the thorns on the stems. “You should really stop stealing from your neighbours garden, you’re lucky Mrs. Wong thinks you’re adorable or else you’d be dead by now,” he mumbled as he kneeled to reach your hands, examining the small cuts you got from sneaking around to pick those roses for him.

You shook your head, a wide grin filled with adoration never leaving your face as you stared into his concerned expression. “I like stealing roses for you,” you said, innocence and naivety lacing your tone as Renjun sighed heavily. “Gross, don’t act like that in front of me. Renjun, come here and help me find this gym badge for me, you’ve already passed this one right?” Yangyang shook his head, not looking up from his DS as he watched his chynx evolve on the screen, a hand mindlessly reaching into the basket of treats his dad had set up, fingers grabbing a small package of bubble gum.

“Later, I’ll drag your sister inside to patch her up,” the older boy responded, hand wrapping around your wrist as he gently pulled you back inside. You grinned childishly, sticking your tongue out teasingly at your step brother, earning an annoyed roll of his eyes. Following Renjun into the living room, he sat you down on the couch as he looked into the kitchen cabinets, scurrying through it to grab the first aid kid. “Y/n, I’m serious, you shouldn’t steal anymore even if it is for me,” Renjun informed you rather sternly, a soft expression spreading across his face as he plopped himself on the couch next to you, crossing his legs on the cushions as he reached over to grab your hands.

Shaking your head as you watched Renjun pour some alcohol into a cotton pad before lightly dabbing against the small wounds on your skin from the thorns. “As much as I love getting flowers from you, you can’t keep hurting yourself like this. Plus, stealing is bad, you’ll get in trouble for real one day,” Renjun pressed his lips together in a thin line as he reached over to grab a few bandaids, his touch gentle on your skin as he applied a bandaid on the gash on your palm. “You like them, right? There’s no harm in me getting more everyday if so,” you shrugged nonchalantly.

Your immense crush on Renjun wasn’t subtle in any way, as a matter of a fact, you’ve vividly started showing your fondness towards the older boy who was merely two years older than you the moment Yangyang had introduced you to him a year ago. When your mother left you with your stepfather, aka Yangyang’s father, the only person who had comforted you during your loneliest moments was Renjun despite the fact that his best friend used to have a clear distaste for you at the time. Ever since he had comforted you and made Yangyang apologize for being a mean brother, you couldn’t help but feel some sort of admiration towards the boy.

You didn’t know when you had started sneaking into Mrs. Wong’s garden to pick from the rose bush of her gardens, but the moment you saw her awed expression when you told her the reason why you were stealing her roses in the first place was enough to reassure you that it wasn’t that big of a deal. Clearly Renjun thought otherwise the moment he saw your hand filled with small scrapes.

Renjun shook his head at your stubbornness. “You’re so stubborn, you shouldn’t do bad things to yourself just for me, I feel sad that you’re getting hurt because of me,” he explained, his words causing you to frown as you looked down at your hands, letting Renjun apply more bandaids to the other hand as you mumbled a small apology under your breath to show how genuinely sorry you felt. The older boy looked up from your hand to the pouting expression on your face, something churning in his own chest at the sight of you being sulky as he sighed heavily in a silent attempt to curse himself for feeling guilt over scolding you for something for your own good.

“Besides,” he started, causing you to lift your head up to look back up at him.”I don’t really like roses anyways,” he shrugged, causing you to light up slightly. “You don’t like roses? Why didn’t you tell me?” you exclaimed, smacking the side of his arm, completely forgetting about how upset you were a few seconds prior. “What's your favorite flower? I’ll steal them from Mrs. Wong’s garden.” The awed, determination spread across your face was enough to show Renjun that you were more than serious and that you would, without hesitation, steal flowers just for him. Which was enough for the boy to rack through his mind to remember one of the flowers he was fond of but wasn’t a part of Mrs. Wong’s garden.

Poor woman was losing five flowers as each day went by and you were the only one behind it.

“I-” Renjun stuttered, the cogs and screws turning loudly in his brain as you blinked innocently at him in anticipation. “I like carnations?” he almost said it as if he was asking himself, unsure if your neighbour even had these flowers growing in her garden. “Carnations? What do they look like?” you asked, tilting your head to the side in curiosity and confusion. Renjun then placed the small bottle of alcohol back in the first aid kit before letting out a small ‘uh’ as he tried to recall the shape of the said flower he had seen on some random weekend with his parents.

Scratching the back of his head in confusion, he furrowed his own brows as he attempted to recall. “The ones I like are yellow, they have petals just like the ends of the dress you wore to my parent’s barbeque. It’s like a rose, but prettier!” He exclaimed, not 100% knowing what in the living world he was going on about. “Also, roses have thorns too! I think you should stop picking them unless you don’t want me to get hurt too, you know?” he sputtered out, instantly changing the subject as you furrowed your brows in wonder. “Maybe Mrs. Wong has them growing around in her-”

“No!”

Your eyes shot open at his sudden remark, causing both of your eyes to widen before Renjun let out a nervous chuckle. “It’s a flower that you can only find in other places like Italy and Greece!” he exclaimed with an affirming nod, even though he really does favor yellow carnations over any other flower, he was sure that half of the things spewing out of his mouth are utterly nonsensical, but what’s the harm in lying when it’ll keep you out of trouble.

“When I grow up, I’ll give you lots and lots of yellow carnations then,” you beamed, stretching your arms wide as you tossed them into the air to emphasize your terms of ‘lots and lots’. Renjun simply chuckled at this, shaking his head before patting your head softly with an understanding nod.

None of you realised that what he had failed to inform you was that carnations have thorns too.

ii. yangyang can suck his own dick for all i care

“Remind me how long you’ve been in love with this man again?”

“Since I was six years old, how many times do you want me to say it? I know you get off to it but that doesn’t mean you could call me in the middle of me doing physics just to make me repeat what you already know, prick.” You groaned against the telephone, pressing your knuckles against your temples as you closed your eyes with a heavy sigh, ignoring the physics notes you had jotted down for the past three hours as Olivia Rodrigo going ‘one step forward and three steps back’ penetrated your eardrums mercilessly through the speakers repeatedly. A loud snort could be heard from the other side of the line as your step brother snickered away like the cheeky asshole he was.

“I know, I just wanted to hear your simp of an ass say it again,” Yangyang sighed, the sound of his keyboard clicking aggressively, harmonising with his voice. “Why are you so surprised to hear Renjun and I are finally going out, isn’t it weird for you to hear that your best friend and your sister are seeing each other?” you deadpanned, placing your phone down and putting his call on speaker so you could multitask. “More importantly, why are you calling me? I’m literally in the room next to yours,” you added with furrowed brows, scratching out the mistake you accidentally made on your note with a pen, internally cursing at your professor for being too much of an ass to assign you with documents to refer to instead of actually teaching the class.

Yangyang let out a small ‘fuck’ as you could hear noises of him dying on the battlefield. “Weird? For me? You’re talking to the person who basically witnessed you literally- no, you deadass cried a shit ton when you were in your last year of primary because you saw Renjun holding hands with another girl, nothing’s weird to me anymore in this life,” he rolled his eyes, letting out a loud scream as an enemy popped up out of nowhere, the way his mic peaked made you wince. You groaned as the memories of you scratching and scribbling curse words on your diary out of pure heartbreak glossed through your mind, rubbing your face in frustration as you recalled actually full blown sobbing when you realised Renjun got his first girlfriend and that girl wasn’t you.

“Just because you remember it doesn’t mean you should bring it up and make me remember, asshole,” you groaned, lightly tapping your forehead as you tried to bonk the memories out of your head. “I live to make you remember dark, repressed memories,” he joked with a snort, his words accompanied with the sound of his finger aggressively clicking the mouse on his desk. “Plus, it’s just pretty surprising to see him ask you out after, like, 15 years of you shamelessly pinning after him like Bojack pining over Diane for like the entirety of the first three seasons of Bojack Horseman,” Yangyang shrugged, leaning back against his gaming chair as he waited for his game to reload to a new match, putting an arm behind his chair as he clicked his tongue.

Cracking your knuckles, you massaged your right hand with your left hand to ease some of the built up tension. “The hell is that supposed to mean?” you asked incredulously, pressing against the muscles of your palm as you stared back into your laptop screen where the document your professor had sent you shone brighter than Aladdin’s World. “It’s just pretty weird how you’ve been pinning and burdening him with your ass for like the past fifteen years, dude you called him a ‘fuck boy’ for supposedly ‘playing with your feelings’ throughout middle school because he was in a relationship with that girl. Then just one day, he just walked up to you and asked you out on a date?” Yangyang asked, his words holding small unintentional daggers to seep through your chest.

“This is why I like Renjun over you, you couldn’t have worded that any better, Yang?” you grumbled, attempting to mask your hurt with annoyance as you rolled your eyes at him. “Sorry,” Yangyang mumbled back in response before lightly clearing his throat to break the awkward tension, “I do have a point, don’t I? He’s basically your babysitter throughout your high school years and now that you’re in your first year of college you’re suddenly going out? Kind of sus, y/n,” your brother shrugged nonchalantly, reaching over to the bowl of candy on the nightstand beside his desk, unwrapping the plastic and plopping the sweet treat into his mouth.

“Are you implying that he’s playing with my feelings or something? Kind of low for you to assume so of your best friend,” you were starting to feel uncomfortable with where the conversation was going, it was almost too ominous. “No, no, Renjun isn’t the type to do that. But his last relationship, aka the one you had shit on for the most part of middle school, was also his first real relationship. The man was head over heels for that girl for as long as I could remember,” your brother explained, waving his head off before dropping it carelessly on the table when he realised you couldn’t see him. “Oh, so you’re basically calling me a rebound?” you deadpanned, tapping your nail against the wooden board of your desk.

There was a loud snap of Yangyang’s fingers, “that’s the word! Yeah, rebound!”

The way those words flew so easily out of his mouth made you want to kick him where the sun didn't shine. “Aren’t you being such an amazing brother right now? You deserve a medal, truly,” you stated with a sarcastic tone, clearly upset by his words. “Plus how the hell am I supposed to be a rebound? Didn’t his ex-girlfriend leave for China or something a couple years ago right before your senior year of high school?” you asked, scratching the back of your head as you scratched out another word from your notes. Yangyang scoffed simply, shaking his head.

“Oh you clearly don’t know Renjun, dude. Literally, the poor guy was playing a The Notebook. He was going to wait for ages for her and honestly, I actually thought he would with how long it’s been since she’s left,” Yangyang shook his head, causing your heart to feel even more heavy than it was moments prior to this conversation. Looking up at your wall, you stared longingly at the picture frame hanging on your wall. Inside of the frame was a picture of you on Renjun’s back as he gave you a piggy ride when you were both at summer camp, smiles wide and open as Yangyang attempted to throw mud at the two of you from afar (you can clearly see a blurry figure of the boy running after the two of you with a wet pile of mud in his hands).

“Listen, I know you may think I’m somewhat of an asshole for telling you in such a joking manner but I’m being serious,” his tone grew stern with concern, his teasing tone evaporated into thin air as you bit your lip and looked down at the pen flipping in between your fingers. “You really think I’m your best friend’s rebound? Come on, Yangs, we’ve all known each other since we were kids. I’ve been in the little sister zone for a large portion of my big, fat crush on him and I never hid it in any way, do you really think he’s doing this just to get over a girl he broke up with almost four years ago?” you chuckled nervously, taking the information in with a grain of salt despite your words.

You were trying to convince yourself, not Yangyang. “I guess Renjun isn’t the type of person to use you out of all people as a rebound but I still don’t trust this, it’s been a while since I’ve really asked him who he’s into,” you could hear the doubt in Yangyang’s voice but you shook any negative thoughts out of your head, not wanting to get upset over something that would ruin whatever relationship had begun with you and Renjun after years of craving it. “But still though, if he does anything. Literally anything, you tell me. I may be a shitty brother and we may not be related but I’m still your older brother, ya know?”

His words sent a small smile across your face, it was pretty rare for Yangyang to show his concern for you. Though, there was something in the back of your mind that made you doubt his words considering he’s never done anything to prove his concern other than use comforting words, besides, all he’s done so far to prove his concern was leave you at home all alone so he could disappear for days and days for who knows what. Well, he told you he was out partying on the other side of the city but at this point, you didn’t know if you could trust him with his words. But you do know that you could talk to him whenever you needed someone to hear you out.

“Hey Yang?”

“What?”

“This is exactly why you’re fucking single.”

“At least I don’t pine for someone hopelessly for almost two decades.”

“At least I wasn’t the one who bought mini crocs for Louis.”

“He looked adorable and you know it, how dare you.”

“Suck c-”

A loud notification from your phone cuts you off abruptly, causing you to look down at the phone screen to see who had contacted you. ‘Speak of the devil’, you thought as a small smile stretched across your face at the sight of Renjun’s contact name popping up on your lock screen. “Are you going to finish that?” Yangyang asked with a small snort, noticing how you had paused on your words all of a sudden. “I’m in love,” you sighed heavily as you opened the chat to see a random picture of Renjun at his art class, it appeared he had accidentally dipped his paintbrush into his tea mug instead of his painting cup again and honestly, you couldn’t help but feel a sense of adoration surging through your veins at this.

“I know, but at what cost, really?” Yangyang sighed as if he had heard you said this about a thousand times in his life, you can’t blame him thought, after 15 years of harboring feelings for a certain boy you can’t help but express it publicly the moment you’re finally allowed to let those feelings lose like a butterfly in a jar. Not paying any mind to the conversation you and Yangyang had prior to this exact moment, you giggled slightly as Renjun sent a few more pictures of his latest art work along with a few sad emojis to pay respects to his now inedible tea.

You really couldn’t believe yourself when you realised after 15 years, Renjun finally sees you. Even though nothing much in your relationship has changed other than the fact that you have somewhat of a label now, the fact that you and the boy you’ve been daydreaming about every other day since you were able to daydream was enough to get your heart doing somersaults like those performers in the circus, even though you’ve only been seeing each other for a couple of weeks, it never failed to bring a smile to your face. “By the way, can you get me some Starbucks?” Yangyang’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts, your smile turning upside down instantaneously.

“Is this why you called me?” you deadpanned, leaning back against your chair as you rubbed the space in between your eyes in irritation. “I literally despise you,” you exclaimed with a laugh of disbelief, shaking your head, disappointed but not really surprised. After all, it’s not like this is the first time he’s done this : call you to check up on you like a genuine older brother should, only to expect you to do something else for him afterwards. You weren’t sure if his start-up talks were genuine concern or just some sort of gimmick to appear not like an asshole, but you’d like to believe that it was genuine.

Cursing under your breath, you rolled your eyes. “Can’t you order shit like a normal person would?” you asked in true disbelief. “For someone who goes out every night to party, you sure are a lazy dude,” you commented, earning a small ‘pshhh’ from the other line as he shrugged off your comment as a joke. “Is that a ‘no’? I’m giving you this opportunity to go outside and move, little sister. Get yourself a treat while you’re at it, you’ve been working on your notes for way too long anyways.” You could hear the mischievous, shit-eating grin on your brother’s face from across the phone as you stood up from your chair and walked out of your room to enter his, considering his room was literally next to yours.

The sound of you bursting into his room was enough to make the older boy jump in his gaming chair, head shooting up at you in surprise. “Oh, hell. What the fuck?” he exclaimed, placing a hand on his chest. “Get your own Starbucks for once, prick,” you hissed teasingly, throwing some cash in front of him before hanging up his call in front of him and leaving the room, slamming the door behind you as you returned to your room with that ugly seed Yangyang had planted into your head, waiting for the right time to grow.

iii. you’ll get hurt if you keep holding it, y/n.

“This one looks fancy, do you wanna try something new?” you asked, lifting a small glass jar with a sparkly, purple scented candle inside of it.

Renjun had asked you if you wanted to go to the nearest IKEA store to accompany him on restocking his supply of tea and scented candles, of course, you weren’t one to say ‘no’ to Huang Renjun. “Jisung gave me that one before. Trust me, as much as I loved Jisung’s gift, it tasted like absolute shit,” he scrunched his nose in disgust, shaking his head as he surfed through the shelf for the usual brand he had been buying for the past couple of months. Furrowing your brows with a light laugh, you turned to the boy with a look of confusion.

“Tasted?” you repeated his words with a confused tone, leaning your head to the side as you let out a small giggle. “Fuck- I meant, smelled! See, this is what happens if I don’t get my usual morning tea,” Renjun cursed, rolling his eyes at you with a bashful smile on his face as you both walked to another aisle, trying to spot a certain candle with a familiar black bow on the top of the lid. “Didn’t you order a lemon tea before we walked here at Starbucks?” you asked, pausing in your step as you grabbed a long, twisted peach candle, taking a small sniff before humming merrily at the fresh smell of peaches and vanilla coming from the wax.

The Chinese boy in front of you clicked his tongue, avoiding your eyes as he finally found the brand he was looking for. “I bought it for you, dumbass. I’m a considerate person, you’d think I dragged you to this boring candle shopping session without treating you to some Starbucks? What do you take me for? An asshole?” Renjun mumbled shyly, avoiding your shocked expression to grab three more candles from the shelf and put it in the small basket he was holding. A giddy smile stretched across your face as you felt your heart do somersaults inside of your chest like a performer in a circus. “Is the Huang Renjun being sweet right now? Unbelievable,” you cooed, taking a few steps forward to gingerly pinch his cheeks with glee.

Renjun pressed his lips together into a thin line to keep himself from getting flustered as he looked down on his shoes. “I think I’d like to go back to that era of our lives where you keep biting my arm like a raccoon whenever I come over,” he muttered under his breath, causing you to gasp dramatically in response. “Is this you admitting that you have some sort of biting kink? How scandalous,” you placed a hand on your chest with wide eyes boring into his, pointing at his face with the long, wonky candle in your other hand. The deadpanned expression on Renjun’s face was enough for you to break out into a small fit of laughter.

“I physically despise you, get away from me,” he pursed his lips together bitterly as he walked away from you without hesitation and down the aisle to get to the cashier. “Hey, you brought my ‘Renjun Slander’ era, I fight back with Renjun slander,” you exclaimed with a light chuckle as you jogged up to him, grabbing him by the sleeve to stop him from speed-walking away from you. “Why are you touching me? I’m sorry, I don’t know you,” Renjun acted, keeping a straight face as he jokingly shrugged your fingers off of his sleeve before sashaying away to the cashier, where a poor employee was witnessing you waving a single, peach coloured candle in the air as you ran after the sulking boy.

“I will literally bite you again if you keep saying you don’t know me,” you mumbled, reaching over to poke his sides as you stepped in line right behind him. Renjun flinched at the small touch, a tickling feeling running through his sides as he glared at you almost menacingly before cupping his side (the one you had poked) with his hand before pressing the entirety of his arm against his other side to keep you from poking him in any other ticklish spots of his. “Kinky,” he responded back with a mischievous grin of his own, turning his head back as he wiggled his eyebrows at you, causing you to roll your eyes.

As the person in front of Renjun finally walked away with his purchase, Renjun set the basket on the counter so that the cashier could scan the barcodes of his candles. “Are you really going to get that candle, though?” Renjun asked, looking back to see you still holding the candle like it was the last cheese stick on the counter. Your head shooting up to make eye contact with him, letting out a small ‘huh?’ before looking down at the candle you were holding in your hand. “Oh, yeah, of course,” you nodded mindlessly, taken slightly aback from the change of topic.

He reached his hand down to snatch the candle away from yours to put it on the check out counter before fishing out his wallet from the pocket of his jacket. “This too, please,” he told the cashier as he searched through his wallet for his credit card, tapping it on the counter. “Hey, you already paid for the lemon tea, you should at least let me pay for my own candle,” you whined, stepping forward to stand right beside him as you watched the cashier rolled her eyes at you to stuff both of your items into a tote bag as Renjun gave you a soft smile. “I know for a fact that you’re too much of a broke college student to afford this,” he cooed at you, giving a teasing look as he handed his card to the cashier.

“That is ridiculous, of course I could affor-oh what the actual fuck?” your pupils dilated as you grabbed the candle from the cashier counter before the cashier could actually put it into the totebag to snatch a glimpse at the price above the barcode sticker. Ignoring the mean glare the cashier sent your way, your jaw dropped to the floor at the absurd price on the candle. “That much for a wonky candle?” you exclaimed as Renjun thanked the cashier politely, grabbing the totebag before wrapping his fingers gently around your wrist to pull you out of the store before your mouth could spill out anymore nonsensical bullshit that could get both of you banned from the store.

“Jesus, how are you able to afford all this? Aren’t you in your last year of art school? Don’t they give you, like, big ass final projects for your last semester? How are you not broke from rent, art supplies and scented candles?” You exclaimed with an incredulous tone, eyes wide as you let Renjun, never letting go of his soft hold on your wrist, walk you down the sidelines of town and into the park where he had parked his car. Renjun chuckled as he reached over the trunk to place his tote bag before pulling out another bag filled with containers of food and small desserts you had prepared for a good time at the park.

“First tip is to not waste your money to gamble on a game to get 2d characters,” Renjun snickered, handing you the large blanket hanging off of the back seat before closing his trunk. You purse your lips as you could practically feel your own wallet screaming in agreement in your minibag, rolling your eyes at the boy. “Shut up, you don’t understand how it feels to gacha, you don’t even play Genshin Impact. You don’t know how hot Xiao is!” you exclaimed with a pointed look, watching him lock his car with a simple button before leading you to an empty space where the grass was shaded by the leaves of the green trees.

“Exactly why I refuse to play the game,” he shrugged nonchalantly as you tucked the candle you were holding into your pocket before laying out the blanket across the pale shade of green grass, tugging the ends to get rid of the overlapping fabric. Renjun then laid the bag in the middle of the blanket before sitting down, crossing his legs over each other as he reached his hands into the bag to pull out tupperwares of sushi and sashimi along with a small dessert box you both had purchased an hour prior to your trip to IKEA. “That’s not what you said when your computer failed to download the game,” you snickered, pulling the wonky candle out of your pocket before sitting right beside him and grabbing a pair of chopsticks, not forgetting to hand him one as he clicked open the lids.

Renjun clicked his tongue as he reached down to grab a piece of sushi with his chopsticks and stuffing it in between your lips to stop you from talking. “I thought we came here to have some quality time with each other, not insult your questionable spending habits,” he replied with a sweet smile, the way his lips curled upwards having a terrible effect on your heart despite his offensive words towards your wallet and pride. Not wanting to talk with a mouthful of food, you simply glared at him as he let out a soft giggle and took a bite of his own.

Pushing his hair back with his hand, he looked down at the candle you were holding with your free hand that was practically refusing to let it go. “Why are you holding that candle like that? It won’t grow legs and run away from you no matter how much it secretly wants to. For fucks sakes, put the damn candle down,” he swallowed his food down mid sentence to keep himself from choking as he patted your knee in a weak attempt to coax you to releasing your vice on the poor candle, furrowing his brows as he swallowed the food in his cheeks.

Your eyes lit up at the mention of the candle, completely forgetting that you were holding it as if it were your little child all this time. Humming loudly, you placed your chopsticks on the lid beside the tupperware as you reached your hand into your mini bag to fetch out a small matchbox without a single word coming out of your lips. Grabbing a match from the box, you placed the candle down on Renjun’s lap, silently indicating for him to grab a hold of it while you lit the match. “Trust me, this smells so good,” you said with a bright smile as Renjun leaned over to feed you a piece of raw salmon.

“Remember the promise I made back when we were still kids before my whole ‘Renjun is a fuckboy’ slander era?” you joked, scratching the tip of the match against the side of the match box repeatedly until a flame ignited the wooden stick. “Which one? You made quite a lot of promises back then,” he chuckled, his eyes crinkling as a flustered smile stretched across his face, shaking his head as he grabbed a bite of raw tuna for himself. “Welp, I’m going to repeat my promise right now, on more serious terms this time, though.” You grinned at him, feeling yourself get a little too giddy.

Grabbing the candle laying on his lap with the lit match in your hand, you carefully lit it up as you swallowed the fish inside of your mouth. “See this candle?” you grinned, feeling your own heart race at the cheesy words you knew you were about to say to the boy who had his cheeks stuffed with food.

Renjun hummed, nodding as he reached over for the flask on the pocket beside the bag to drink as he silently gestured to you to move on with a small wave of his hand. “I promise to stay with you much like the fire igniting on this candle," your lips curled into a wide smile as you held it close to your face, ignoring how the wax was slowly melting and dripping onto your fingers. You didn't mind though, the way your expression brightened up like the fire in your hands the moment Renjun’s fingers gently wrapped around your hand was almost heartbreaking to see.

The Chinese boy pulled your hand towards his with a soft expression on his face, looking down at the candle with an unreadable expression spread across his features as his pupils watched the fire burn before gazing down at the wax trickling down the candle and onto your hand. Without another word, he pressed his lips together to gently blow out the candle, inevitably putting the fire out in an instant, which caused you to frown.

His fingers slowly pulled away from your hand as a wave of sadness glossed through your eyes at the now smoking candle, your pupils moving from his unreadable expression to the dead candle in your hand. You weren't sure but you swore you saw Renjun give you a soft smile that almost didn't reach his eyes before he looked back down at the food in front of you, you were probably seeing things.

"You'll get hurt if you keep holding it, y/n."

iv. xiao nor xingqiu would approve of you, yeeun.

“How the hell am I going to afford pulling for Xiao?” you groaned, laying your forehead on the counter before laying your phone on the table. Yangyang and his terrible gaming habits had introduced you to this popular RPG game called Genshin Impact when you were hanging out for once, quite ironic how the one time Yangyang decided to spend time with his little sister instead of going out of town for parties or staying over his friends’ place for ‘guys night’ (his words, not mine) he decided to introduce you to an RPG game that elicits a terrible gambling habit.

Yeeun snorted as she placed the bottle of vanilla pumps beside the other bottles, rolling her eyes as she watched you farm for the gems in the game that allows you to do one pull on the gambling system. “How are you able to afford anything in general? I swear, that Xingqiu acrylic stand in your room did not come from your own wallets with how much college debt you have at the moment,” your best friend snickered, sliding into the staff room with you to exchange shifts with another employee. Ever since you’ve gotten extremely obsessed with this game, you’ve been playing it with every single free time you have, even during lunch breaks at work.

You rolled your eyes, giving her a pointed look before you looked down at your phone to attack another monster coming your character’s way. “Just because something looks like it didn’t come from my wallet doesn’t mean it did,” you mumbled under your breath, grumbling slightly as you flickered your eyes up at Yeeun momentarily before averting your eyes back down on your phone screen. “Speaking of coming from wallets, that muffin on your hand didn’t come from your wallet either,” you commented with a cheeky grin, gesturing to the blueberry muffin your best friend was unwrapping.

The girl in front of you paused, glaring daggers at you before rolling her eyes and proceeded to unwrap her muffin. “Hey, this is a cheap muffin. No one’s going to notice. You’re literally on the brink of spending a hundred dollars on a 2d character,” she commented, taking a mouthful of the pastry and narrowing her eyes at you. “Also, you know very well that that acrylic stand of Xingqiu isn’t from your own money,” she pointed out once again, causing you to purse your lips in response. “Fine, Renjun got in line for three hours for me during the limited edition festival on the other side of town, but still!” you exclaimed, ignoring how the reminder of the Chinese boy standing in line for such long hours just so you could get a limited edition merchandise made your heart do somersaults in your chest.

Rolling her eyes, Yeeun waved her hand at you nonchalantly. “Don’t remind me. I literally went through hell listening to you screaming, crying, throwing up, back flipping your ass off at 3 am because your childhood unrequited first love bought you an acrylic stand of the 2d version of him,” she shook her head in denial, taking another bite of her muffin before shutting her eyes tight as if she wanted to forget the oh-so-dreadful memory from her brain. You almost choked on air at her words as your eyes grew wide with surprise, “the hell do you mean ‘an acrylic stand of the 2D version if hin’?” you asked incredulously.

“You’re wording it as if Renjun’s some kind of weird narcissist and I’m some kind of creepy stalker,” you purse your lips in mock offense, chuckling slightly to show that you were completely joking. Yeeun let out a light laugh, waving her muffin around with small disagreeing hums. “Renjun is a good guy, don’t get me wrong. But you can’t deny, you were lowkey a stalker back when you were still in the sibling zone,” she commented, giving you a wide, bittersweet grin to emphasize the sardonic tone she used. You let out a chuckle of disbelief, putting an offended hand on your chest.

“This is slander.”

Yeeun let out a scoff of disbelief. “Dude, come on, tell me straight to my face you did not keep that Xingqiu standee right on your desk beside your laptop because that thing is literally Renjun,” she exclaimed while moving her hands around to dramatize the context of her words. You furrowed your brows, leaning forward in confusion. “Dude, no,” you deadpanned simply with a firm shake of your head. “Dude, yes.” she hummed with a nod.

“Come on, they’re both short-”

“You’re literally insulting both of their heights, right now.”

“They’re somewhat interested in arts-”

“Xingqiu is literally a nerd.”

“They talk somewhat similarly and they’re both Chinese!”

You gave her a concerned expression, scrunching your face in confusion as Yeeun gave you enthusiastic jazz hands. “Have you been overworking yourself with all those assignments again?” you asked slowly, enunciating the vowels as if you were talking to some kind of toddler. Yeeun frowned at this, reaching over to smack your hand, making you giggle. “I’m serious! Dude, he literally looks like Xingqiu or maybe that mouse guy,” she said, sitting back down and leaning back against her chair to finally take the last bite of her muffin.

Furrowing your brows in even more confusion, you replayed her words in your head. “Mouse guy?” you asked with a tilt of your head, earning an annoyed groan from your friend. “You know! The one with the big hat!” she exclaimed, jumping in her seat to make a point like a little child, trying to get her point across. “Did you mean scaramouche?” you asked with an incredulous laugh, pressing the home button on your phone to exit the game considering it drains your battery quite fast when you leave it untouched. “Whatever. The short guy with the bowl cut and extreme anger issues, potato, tomato,” she let out a small ‘pfft’, waving her hand off.

“Hey, Renjun doesn’t have anger issues!” you exclaimed. Now it was your turn to jokingly smack your best friend on her arm.

“Sure,” she snorted. “That’s because it's you, girl. Did you really think he would use you to let his anger out? I mean, you’re even more irritating than your brother but deadass, that boy is too soft for you,” she snorted, standing up from her chair as she crumpled the plastic wrapping of the muffin she had just eaten into a ball. “Sure, Yeeun, keep dreaming,” you rolled your eyes, grabbing your phone and turning it back on so that you could text said boy on what to eat later after you finish work for the day and before you could get to class.

y/n at 11:43: hey whatcha wanna eat today? I was thinking of some good sushi before class, but im down for other stuff. Wbu?

junnie<3 at 11:44: oh i alr ate. U can just go eat urself today

‘His texts are as short and as simple as always,’ you couldn’t help but think to yourself with a small smile stretched across your face. “Hey, I’m going to go wash up for a bit, okay? Don’t miss me too much,” she winked, snapping her fingers in front of your face to get your momentary attention. “If boss man asks where I went, stop texting loverboy for one second and tell him, I beg of you,” she intertwined her own fingers together in a pleading motion, referencing to how at one point, you were too busy with talking (to a certain boy on your phone) with your boss that you forgot to inform him that Yeeun had class for the day.

Safe to say, your boss assumed she was skipping work and gave her a good scolding the next day. Of course, you made it up to her by actually covering her shifts and treating her to her favorite ice cream parlor. You let out a soft laugh at the soft memory, shaking your head before giving her a firm thumbs up to reassure her that you won’t make the same silly mistake, sighing heavily in relief, your best friend leaves without another word. The moment she left, you looked back down on your phone to reread Renjun’s text.

‘Wait, he ate already? It’s not even 12 yet, that’s kinda weird,’ you thought to yourself, looking up at the clock ticking on the wall, completely forgetting that you had a time on the top corner of your phone screen. ‘Maybe he ate food in the school cafeteria?’ you shrugged to yourself.

y/n at 11:50: wait wha? U ate alr without me? </3 watchu eat tho i thought u didn’t like food from the school cafeteria y/n at 11:50: u said it tastes like rat food LMAO

Putting your phone down on the table, you placed your hands on your cheeks as you looked down at the screen, patiently waiting for his response. “Hey y/n, can you stop playing your games for a moment? The wifi has been a little shit lately and I can’t even access my account,” one of your coworkers called out from the doorway of the staffroom, causing your head to shoot up in response. “Oh, I’m not playing my games, though?” you leaned your head to the side in confusion, earning a small ‘huh?’ from your coworker, who then scratched their heads in confusion.

“Plus, I’m using my own data,” you added with a small shrug. “That’s weird,” your coworker mumbled under her breath before exiting the staff room. Looking back down on your phone, you realised Renjun had replied back to you, causing you to physically lit up, unlike the flickering, cheap light bulb in the staff room that was the only thing illuminating the terrifying, horror movie-esque room you were in at the moment.

junnie <3 at 11:56: oh no lmao u right i would never eat cafeteria food. Thats gross

junnie <3 at 11:57: Ningning brought me some food before I got to school a couple hours ago, u can have lunch without me today I have a few assignments to finish today

junnie <3 at 11:57: i gtg now tho i have another class in a few minutes

junnie <3 at 11:58: bye bye <3

Now, there were two things surging through your brain at the moment. One, your mind was practically screaming and screeching at you like a stray cat in an alleyway from the small heart he had sent you at the end of his little ‘bye bye’. Honestly, the effect this boy had on you was astronomical; it was almost too dangerous for your heart. Renjun rarely send you messages that ends with hearts considering you were the one who usually uses an excessive amount of emojis as a form of dramatizing and emphasizing the emotion and context behind your texts (as you call it: the art and essence of texting [insert a few sparkle emojis right here]) and seeing him send one always got your heart in a twist.

You were on the brink of singing Taylor Swift songs to him and you weren’t joking.

However, the other thing on your mind was simple.

Who’s Ningning?

“Ningning?” you mumbled to yourself, furrowing your brows. You swore as if you had heard that name before, it sounded so familiar yet so distant to recall. Sending him a small ‘bye bye’ back with a bunch of excessively dramatic heart emojis, you shut your phone off as you tried to recall who this ‘Ningning’ person was. Was it one of his friends? You didn’t recall him ever talking about someone named Ningning before, must be a new friend?

There was something suspiciously familiar with this person’s name that you could not grasp. And frankly, you don’t have the time to grasp it either when Yeeun slumped back into the empty IKEA seat across the wonky table you were sitting on with a heavy sigh. “I saw Brooke and Taeyong having one of their cute ice cream dates again when I went to the restroom. I swear, the universe is trying to shove it in my face that I’m too single for my own good,” she whined, leaning forward to place her chin on the edge of the table as she let out an inhumane noise consisting of weird staggering breaths mixed with a tired groan.

Smiling softly, you raised your brows, shutting off your phone and tucking it in your pocket before crossing your arms on the table. “Yeah? Sucks to be you, really. The universe really has it out for you and your single ass,” you chuckled, shaking your head in mock sympathy before raising your hand up to lean your chin against your palm. “Come on, you’re a ‘girlboss’, aren’t you? Chin up, best friend, you don’t need no man in your life right now, plus, I don’t think you’ll be able to tackle all of those business assignments while being in a committed relationship,” you snickered, leaning over to pat her head like a little child.

Minus the fact that she was literally a few months older than you.

“Bitch, you’re being condescending. Stop it. Or else I’ll literally make a playlist for you and Renjun and make Mitski’s Me and My Husband as the first song on that playlist,” she threatened weakly, swatting your hand away from her head as her eyes glared daggers into your soul.

“Foul play, best friend,” you responded with a small chuckle of defeat. “My acrylic Xingqiu stand would not approve.”

“Yeah, yeah. Your acrylic 2D boyfriend wouldn’t approve, I know.”

“That’s Xiao not Xingqiu, there’s a difference. Now you have both Xiao and Xingqiu disapproving of you, hot damn, you’re supposed to be my best friend here.”

v. spoiler filled ramen date nights (SPOILERS FOR THE PENTHOUSE KDRAMA)

“Have I ever told you that I care and trust you with my whole life?” you sighed dreamily, leaning back against the cushions surrounding your figure as you leaned your back against the headboard of your bed. Renjun laughed lightly, shaking his head as he kicked the door close behind him, careful to not spill any of the broth swishing around in the bowls on both of his hands. “Considering the fact that you literally just told me that because I brought you ramen, I wish you didn’t,” he joked, sitting down on the bed beside you, handing you your own bowl of ramen.

You grinned giddily as you started blowing your noodles to cool it off. “What did I miss?” he asked, carefully putting his own bowl in front of him so that he could cross his legs on the bed, eyes looking up at the TV screen showing a scene from the third season of the currently famous kdrama called The Penthouse : War in Life. “Have you finished season two though? Wouldn’t want you to end up getting spoiled,” you asked in a bittersweet tone, leaning your head to the side at the boy who froze in place at your words.

“Just like how you spoiled the Endgame movie for me,” you added with a sly snap of your fingers, referencing that iconic day of Renjun spoiling Iron Man’s death on his own birthday right in front of you. Renjun almost choked on air at the reminder, dropping his chopsticks in his bowl before cupping his mouth with the back of his hand as he looked away to laugh in embarrassment. “Could you stop bringing that up, I said I was sorry,” he whined, snickering in between his words as he turned his head back to make eye contact.

The bittersweet smile remained unwavering on your lips, eyes narrowing and diluting right at him as you shook your head innocently. “You were literally ranting about how you hated spoilers and spoiling people before you exclaimed how people were spoiling about-” you cut yourself off by snapping your fingers loudly once again, “iron man’s iconic death scene. But alas, I’m a nice and considerate person, therefore I won’t spoil you anything today,” you reached over to pinch his cheek gingerly as Renjun let out another fit of nervous giggles, swatting your hand away from his face.

Leaning over to grab the remote, you placed it right beside him. “We can watch whatever episode you had left off, so you don’t ruin your kdrama watching experience the same way you destroyed my endgame watching experience,” your condescending tone was enough for him to let out another snort as he slurped up his noodles. “Hey, I’m good with continuing whatever scene you’re in right now. I know enough information to proceed with whatever the hell is happening on screen,” he exclaimed with a bright smile, smacking his hand on your knee as you purse your lips at the Chinese boy.

“I still can’t believe Ha Yoon Chul was Rona’s biological father though,” he commented under his breath, shaking his head in awe as he took another bite of his own ramen, blowing out some air when he realised it was still too hot to consume. “I still can’t believe Yoonhee died,” you mumbled as you reached over to press the play button to resume the scene you were watching. There was a sudden pause between the two of you as Cheon Seo Jin started screaming at the top of her lungs on your TV screen, causing you to grimace slightly at the way her voice cracked.

“Geez, why does she scream so much? And woman still wonders why her vocal chords are on the brink of self destruction,” you commented, scooting back against the pillows behind you to get into a more comfortable position with a small huff as you gathered some noodles to stuff them into your mouth. “Oh Yoonhee died?” Renjun asked, slowly turning his head towards you with an eerie tone, causing you to stop eating midchew to look at him with eyes blinking owlishly. Slurping the last bits of noodles hanging in between the corners of your lips, you pressed your fingers to your lips as you let out a soft laugh.

“You didn’t know?” you asked incredulously with a mouthful of food.

“I literally just finished season 2!” the boy exclaimed with a whine, waving his chopsticks around dramatically as he paused to take in the information you had accidentally spoiled for him, snapping the two wooden sticks together as the gears in his head turned. “Wait, if Yoonhee died, then what happened to Rona?” he exclaimed, patting your knee rather aggressively in curiosity as you grinned mischievously. “I don’t mind restarting the whole entirety of season 3, I’m only halfway through anyways,” you said with a nonchalant shrug, exiting off of the episode before switching to the first episode.

“With how much the writers revived Su Ryeon in the past three seasons, I have faith they’ll find a way to somehow revive her though. She can’t truly be dead,” he muttered under his breath as you pressed the play button on the remote with a soft snort. “We’ll see about that,” you nodded with a bitter laugh, having instant war flashbacks to episode 4 of the third season and how you bawled your eyes out like a newborn baby by the end of the episode.

With a sigh of disbelief, the Chinese boy sitting beside you shook his head as he took another mouthful of his noodles. “I guess we could call this even for the whole Iron Man spoiler thing?” he smiled sweetly at you in a futile attempt to make you let it go, knowing full well that your stubborn self would never let it go. “You wish. In comparison to Iron Man, Yoonhee’s dead is absolutely nothing. You’ll get over it once we cry unceremoniously to Bae Rona’s reaction to her deceased mother,” you scoffed with a small wave of your hand.

Sighing heavily once again, Renjun nodded in defeat, succumbing to his fate as he swallowed down the food. “Guess there’s no escaping it,” he shook his head as he focused his eyes on the screen where the penthouse opening theme started to play, majestical cello music harmonizing with some random woman’s voice synchronizing with the storm going on the screen. You both sat there in silence as you watched the episode, fully immersed in the plot as Joo Dan Tae, the main antagonist of the series, concocted a true plan to get himself and the other members of the Hera Club out of prison.

After about thirty or so minutes into the first episode, you couldn’t help but flicker your eyes to the pretty boy beside you occasionally. A small, genuine smile stretched across your face as you observed his features softly. As creepy as it sounds, you still couldn’t believe that your feelings were finally requited from your first and only love, you couldn’t believe that you were both right here in your room side by side, eating ramen and watching your favorite kdrama (minus the fact that most of the time, said kdrama would make the both of you attempt to resist the urge at throwing whatever was in your line of vision at the tv out of pure rage).

It was almost as if you were dreaming. A dream you wouldn’t want to wake up from, even though you mostly spend most of your time having playful arguments or doing things that you’ve been doing ever since you were kids. It was still unbelievable that the boy beside you likes you as much as you like him (maybe not as much considering you’ve been harboring feelings for the older boy for more than a whole decade, but your relationship was just starting after all, there’s plenty of room for feelings to grow) and the thought of it made your heart all giddy like all over again, truly takes you back to the rather cringe worthy era of you shamelessly stealing your neighbours flowers just for him.

“Hey Junnie?” you asked quietly, a soft smile stretched across your face as you scooted closer to the boy, leaning your chin on his shoulder, startling him for a brief moment.

He turned his head towards yours, a charming smile of his own spreading across his face as he stared into your eyes with sparkles of light shimmering his own. He hummed softly in response, completely unconcerned with the fact that both of your faces were barely centimeters apart from each other. “As much as I love our usual penthouse ramen dates, can we change things up a bit occasionally?” you asked rather hesitantly, your voice growing bashful as you wandered your eyes up to his two toned hair, adoring how he had tucked the curled black behind his ears even though they’re practically falling off of it to frame his face like a pretty canvas painting.

“Dates? So this is what they’re called?” he teased, earning a soft smack on the arm from you in response. The boy laughed in amusement, shaking his head to signify that he was merely joking before reaching over to pat your knee. “Emphasize on ‘changing things’ up, please,” he coaxed with a small chuckle, rolling his wrist around, indicating for you to proceed with your words. Huffing softly, you moved to lean your cheek against his shoulder so that you were facing the tv as well, nuzzling against the fabric of his cardigan as his expensive cologne filled your senses.

“I’ve been thinking,” you started, a giddy smile spreading across your face as you suppressed the need to let out a groan of embarrassment for wanting something so cheesy. “Whenever the stars decide to align and our professors miraculously decide to not burden us with a shit ton of assignments. You have your usual arts project and I have my own stuff and-” you didn’t realise that you were practically rambling before him until he gingerly reached a hand over to pinch your cheek, a habit he had developed over the years of ‘babysitting your childish ass’ as he would say.

“Stop beating around the bush and tell me,” he laughed lightly.

“Sorry, I get nervous when I talk about stuff like this,” you grinned bashfully, biting your tongue from saying anything embarrassing as he let out a light giggle. “I was just thinking, maybe we could go to the planetarium sometime whenever college work lightens up? I remember how much you loved astronomy and I like looking at stars, so I thought it’d be good to go there sometime whenever we have some sort of free time,” you shrugged casually despite the fact that your heart was on the brink of bursting out of your own chest.

After a few seconds of almost agonizing silence, you heard the boy beside you let out a small heartwarming chuckle that almost sent your soul skyrocketing to the afterlife as you felt him lean the side of his head right on top of yours and nodded slowly. “Why are you so nervous? We’ve been to the planetarium before we started seeing each other, there’s no need to get all shy in front of me when we practically went there together before,” he laughed lightly, nuzzling his head against yours as he watched the chaos that is the Penthouse series unfolds on the screen, not even feeling a pinch of anger from the character’s infuriating actions as he usually does.

Kissing your teeth, you suppressed the urge to smack your head against the pillows behind you. “But that was with Yangyang, I meant like- just the two of us. Plus, the last time we went to the planetarium was during our high school field trip,” you mumbled under your breath, a pout adorning your lips as you gripped the sheets in between your fingers tightly as you basked in embarrassment. “Alright, alright, we can go,” his joyous laughter was like music to your ears as he reached his hand up to ruffle your hair comfortingly, silently reassuring you that he was just teasing.

At this point, you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling as you leaned closer towards him, the sides of your pinkies making contact as you let out a small giddy hum in response. “I’ll be looking forward to it,” you exclaimed, pulling away from him to give him the happiest expression he’s ever seen on your face. Renjun reached over to pinch your cheek, muttering a small ‘cute’ under his breath before nodding briefly.

“You know, I-”

There’s the sudden loud ringing of Renjun’s phone, alerting him that someone was calling him.

Fishing out his phone from the pocket of his cardigan, he spared a small glance at the contact name before instantly swiping up to accept the call without hesitation. “Hello?” he called out, eyes that were filled with adoration merely seconds ago was now filled to the brim with concern and worry as he fell silent to hear the caller from the other line. “Alright, I’ll be right there,” he nodded, pressing his lips together in a firm line as he grabbed the bowl on the mattress as he hung up on the phone, causing you to be slightly taken aback and confused.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, grabbing your own empty bowl of ramen broth as you stood up alongside him, not forgetting to press the pause button on the remote. “Ningning needs me right now,” he said bluntly as he exited your room to head to the kitchen with you trailing along behind him. “Ningning?” you furrowed your brows, pressing your lips together in confusion as you followed him to the kitchen, placing your bowl on the counter as you watched him place his own bowl in the sink, washing his hands immediately as you heard the sink run.

“She called to tell me she needs someone to accompany her for a check up,” he informed you, turning off the sink to wipe his hands against the rag beside him, turning around to give you what seemed like a weak smile. “Is she okay?” you asked, slightly concerned considering Renjun has been taking this new friend of his to the hospital every single time you both hung out together. “She always had a weak heart, her condition is getting pretty severe and her parents are far too busy to take her to regular check ups,” he told you as he walked towards the entrance to grab his coat off of the clothing rack.

“Oh,” was all you could say as you gripped the ends of the sweater you were wearing. “Tell her I said ‘get well soon’, do you need anything before you go?” you asked, sympathizing for a girl you’ve never even met as your thoughts began to wander. You couldn’t even imagine what kind of pain she was in at the moment with her severe medical condition.

“No, thanks.”

Without another word, without a small ‘goodbye’, Renjun left your apartment, shutting the door close right behind him.

vi. pov: you’re single as fuck

“Have you seen those cringeworthy pov videos on tik tok?” Yeeun grimaced, scrunching her face as she scrolled through the ‘for you’ page on her phone screen. “I swear, I saw this one where the guy literally spits on the screen, I swear I felt like taking 300 bubble baths at once,” she added on as you leaned over the counter, nodding at a regular customer who was throwing her drink in the trashcan before exiting the cafe. “You’re acting as if you’re rich enough to afford 300 bubble baths with the amount of skincare you spend with your paycheck,” you chuckled as you wiped the cashier counter clean with a wet rag.

Yeeun rolled her eyes as she leaned her hip back at the edge of the counter. “Hey, you’re on chonky cat tiktok, you don’t have the right to comment on my questionable spending habits,” she leaned over to swivel the nearest stirring spoon in front of your face as you walked towards her to place the cleaning utensils in the cupboard below. “What does me being on a certain social media site have to do with you spending a big, fat wad on toners,” you laughed lightly, leaning over to see whatever was on her phone as she pursed her lips at you.

“Do you think that this precious, beautiful, pimple-less face is free? Beauty is pain, Y/n. My pain and sacrifice for my own beauty is using whatever money I get from this job to buy shit for my silky-smooth, spotless face,” she pressed her chin on top of her hand, smiling as if she was in line for America’s Next Top Model before frowning abruptly when she saw you holding back a small snort behind your hand, leaning over to smack your shoulder with a small huff of breath. “I physically will eradicate you, not everyone has a loyal boyfriend who’s willing to spend his mommy and daddy’s money on his girlfriend’s skincare,” she hissed, closing her eyes dramatically before forming a tight fist pressed against her cheek.

“Oh how I wished that I did,” she muttered under her breath, loud enough for you to hear as you let out a small fit of giggles. “Should I invest in a sugar daddy or something?” she asked jokingly with a wide, sarcastic smile, turning her head towards you so fast, you feared that she would get a whiplash from it. Now it was your turn to smack your friend’s arm, you then leaned both of your hands back on the counter before rolling your eyes at your best friend’s comment. “Honestly, I didn’t ask for that limited edition SK2 set, it was more of a gift from Auntie Huang. Plus, it had enough content to last me for a year so I’m not as broke as you,” you hissed with a shake of your head.

Yeeun’s eyes went wide as she placed a hand on her chest and shook her head profusely. “You even call his mom ‘auntie’, you’re basically married at this point,” she gasped dramatically, looking down at her own left hand as if she was the one who was married. “Dude, I don’t think daughter in laws call their mother in laws ‘auntie’,” you snickered, shaking your head as you heard the bells on the door jingle, signifying that someone else had entered the rather half empty cafe. Quickly walking up to the cashier counter, you placed a smile on your face, adjusting your apron as the new customers approached you.

“Welcome to Neo Cafe, what can I get you today?”

“Y/n! how have you been, bitch?” Brooke’s bright voice was the first thing that greeted you as you turned your head to see none-other than the infamous couple in your campus.

Brooke and Taeyong were infamous for their little enemies to lovers dynamic when they first fought over god knows what in the school funfair ceremony. Brooke being a literature student who aimed to write angst-filled romance or mystery novels that resulted in the characters’ efforts going to waste or semi-happy endings that would leave you questioning the meaning of your own existence. Taeyong was one of your seniors; a dance and music major, a rich boy, if you will. He was infamous for setting up most of the music for school events or the radio show the school hosted alongside the host who was also one of your seniors named Moon Taeil.

They’ve gotten together in the most iconically romantic way that almost all the students couldn’t forget the iconic moment of Taeyong accidentally professing his love for the freshman unceremoniously during an episode of the school’s radio, Moon Talks. Poor man was clearly unaware that he was live and sharing his feelings to the whole campus.

It was an adorable gesture nonetheless. Quite embarrassing for Taeyong, but a sweet accidental gesture.

Ever since the two got together, you haven’t seen much of Brooke considering she was busy with her own share of projects and you were busy with dealing with your own major. “Brooke, Taeyong! Dude, it’s been so long since I’ve seen or talked to you, how have you been?” you asked with a wide smile, thrilled to see your two friends again after weeks of not being able to have a proper conversation with them due to how busy your personal lives had gotten. “Brooke? Taeyong? What the hell are you two doing here?” Yeeun exclaimed, skipping over to the counter to join in on the conversation.

“We just wanted to visit you guys and you know, catch up a bit,” Taeyong said with a soft smile of his own, earning a soft scoff from his girlfriend. “We just wanted to get coffee before our movie date, Taeyong really wants to see this new marvel movie that just came out,” the girl responded, earning a small pout from your best friend as she placed her forearm on the counter and the other on her hip in mock offense. “I’m offended, you didn’t even make an effort to lie about wanting to see us,” Yeeun shook her head with small ‘tsk, tsk’s coming from her lips.

You couldn’t help but laugh, shaking your head. “It’s good to see you too, Brooke,” you said in a sardonic tone before raising your hands up to lay them on the cashier machine. “What can I get you two today?” you asked, tapping your nail against the metal of the machine. “No discounts this time, you two have made me feel single enough with your lovey dovey couple-ness,” Yeeun shook her head, waving her hands around, which made you glare at her softly. “You’re acting as if you’re the one who gave them the discount,” you snorted, shaking your head as you nudged her sides jokingly.

“You two have not changed at all, I see,” Taeyong chuckled. “Babe, we literally saw them argue over whether jelly is squishy or not two weeks ago,” Brooke exclaimed with an incredulous expression spread across her face as she looked up at the menu written on the chalkboards hanging from the ceiling for all the customers to see. “Oh yeah, speaking of that, did you two come to a conclusion?” the boy gasped at the reminder, truly bewildered that two human beings are capable of arguing about the characteristics of a certain jiggly food.

Sharing knowing glances with Yeeun, you both looked back at the couple in front of you before shaking your heads in unison. “That conversation isn’t ready for the public, we have chosen to keep the conclusion to that topic highly classified,” you informed with a posh and fancy voice, intertwining your own hands together before giving the two a kind, professional smile along with the synchronized nodding of your best friend. “Please place your order before we have some kind of ominous debate on whether the big bang theory is secretly about sex or space,” she added casually, earning a small smack to her back from you.

“We are not ready to get fired from our job from talking some whack unprofessionally in front of poor unsuspecting bystanders,” you nodded in agreement, letting Yeeun wrap an arm around your shoulder. “Alright alright, I’ll get a caramel macchiato,” Brooke giggled, shaking her head at your silly antics before turning to her boyfriend. “I think I’ll get a-” he answered before letting out a small pondering hum, opening and closing his mouth as he contemplated what to order. “I’ll get an iced americano,” he finished with a tight lipped smile.

Brooke gave him a pointed look. “Didn’t you have an iced americano this morning already?” she exclaimed, but you typed it in his order anyway. “Another one can’t hurt, now, can it?” he grinned teasingly, laughing nervously as his girlfriend stared daggers into his soul, who then sighed in defeat as soon as you finished inputting their orders in the cashier. “The price is on the monitor in front of you, would you like to pay in cash or card?” you asked, placing your cheek against your palm as Yeeun ran off to prepare their order the moment she heard their order.

A few moments passed as you attempted to start up another conversation with the two considering it was a quiet day in the cafe, you didn’t have much to do anyways and Yeeun was still busy brewing up their orders. Eventually indulging yourselves in pictures of Taeyong’s ridiculous exotic pet collection, seriously, how rich are his parents?

“One caramel macchiato and one iced americano right here, folks,” Yeeun exclaimed dramatically as she slid to the spot right beside you, handing over the couple their drinks with an enthusiastic smile on her face. “Would you like to tip your favorite employees?” she asked, putting her hands on her hip as they grabbed the straws from the strawbox beside the cashier machine. “No thanks, Johnny isn’t here,” Brooke joked, shaking her head and raising her hand with a soft laugh, causing the girl beside you to frown abruptly. “She isn’t wrong, have you tried Johnny’s coffee making skills? It’s like the man invented coffee himself,” Taeyong shrugged nonchalantly as he took a sip of his coffee.

“Can’t argue when it comes to Johnnyboy’s skills, man,” you shrugged with a sweet smile stretched across your lips, earning a soft scoff from your best friend. “Of course you would agree, he literally treats you as if you were family, meanwhile he treats me as if I was the gum under his shoe,” she rambled with an annoyed roll of her eyes, crossing her arms against her chest. “I can literally hear you from over here! I brought you donuts three days ago, stop being dramatic!” Johnny’s head popped out of the staff room, boxes piling on top of each other in his arms.

“You’re literally on stacking duty, be quiet!” Yeeun snapped back, raising the rag hanging over her apron threateningly as Johnny pressed his lips together in a pout before sneaking back into the staff room. “Hi Johnny!” Taeyong exclaimed childishly before the older, taller Chicago boy went back to whatever the hell he was doing in the staff room. “Anyways, we’re going to be late for the movies, we’ll see you two later. Tell Johnny he still owes me money for writing his essay,” Brooke sighed heavily as she clicked the button on the side of her phone to check the time.

Laughing lightly, you shook your head as you ignored Yeeun running back to the staff room to grab her stuff considering her shift was ending early today. “See you guys around campus! Tell Yangyang we said hi too, okay?” Taeyong chuckled, reaching down to lovingly wrap his fingers with his girlfriend’s before giving her a sweet, lovesick smile as you waved them both a silent goodbye.

There was something in the quiet atmosphere that lowered your mood almost drastically as you gazed at their intertwined hands with a longing expression. Maybe it was due to the fact that the weather was getting sort of gloomy, rainy weather had always made your smile turn upside down after all. Or maybe it was due to the fact that the lack of customers in the cafe today made you lonelier than usual, ‘silence is the loudest sound you could ever hear’ is what they would always say. But the bitter feeling in your heart said otherwise. Perhaps it was jealousy?

‘Oh’ you couldn’t help but think to yourself as you heard the familiar jingle of the doorbell, indicating that the couple had walked out of the cafe already. ‘Is this what envy feels like?’ you thought to yourself curiously, sitting down on one of the chairs behind the counter to lean your chin on your palm and prop your elbow on the counter. Your gaze averted to your own hand which was spread open and empty, fingers twitching slightly as you let out a soft chuckle to yourself, your own heart slowly begin to ache in sorrow. ‘When has Renjun ever held my hand like that?’ you pondered to yourself, aimless eyes gazing longingly at your own hand.

‘Will Renjun even hold my hand the same way Taeyong held Brooke’s?’ you let out a heavy sigh, shaking the thoughts away from your head as you let out a soft chuckle. ‘Of course he would, we’re just extremely busy with our own lives at the moment,’ you reminded yourself in a futile attempt to be positive, despite your heart feeling much heavier than usual. Renjun has been ditching (you’re not sure if this is the appropriate word to use) the hang outs the both of you had planned to accompany Ningning to either hang out somewhere or go to the hospital for check ups. It’s been weeks since you truly had a decent conversation with the boy considering most of your conversations or phone calls would be cut off because Ningning ‘needed’ him.

Of course, you didn’t have the heart to talk to him about how upset you were over the lack of time you were spending with each other. You didn’t have a reason to be upset, it wasn’t like he was cheating on you or anything. He was just spending time with someone, someone who has a severe medical condition to be more specific. But it couldn’t help but hurt a bit that he was spending so much time with someone else and cancelled most of your plans midway and dropped literally everything just to be by her side, it still made you feel awful to feel somewhat jealous of someone who just needed a good friend by their side. It all felt too lonely.

“Y/n? I’m gonna go now, are you sure you don’t wanna come with me?” Yeeun asked, leaning her head towards your line of view, a curious, yet concerned expression spread all over her features as her voice snapped you out of your thoughts. “Huh?” you blinked owlishly before mustering up the strength to give her a weak smile. “I’m good, you can go ahead,” you shook your head, examining how your best friend had changed out of her uniform and back to the clothes she was using when she first came here. “Dude, it’s about to rain hard. You didn’t even bring an umbrella today, the bus driver is having a day off. Are you sure you don’t want to just go home right now? You can literally ask Johnny that you’re finishing your shift early,” she attempted to convince you, knowing full well that you might have a chance of walking home to your apartment.

Laughing lightly, you shook your head to reassure her that you were okay with staying until your shift actually finishes. “I could just call Renjun or Yangyang to pick me up if it's still raining,” you shrugged, stretching your arms in front of you with a small grunt to look away from her worried eyes as she snuck her hands into her pockets. “You know very well that idiot brother of yours won’t even bother to pick up the damn phone with the parties he goes to on a daily basis, the man has been absent for so many days- no, weeks! I don’t think his professors even bother to call out his name anymore, deadass,” she complained, laying her forearm on the counter as she rolled her eyes in annoyance at your stepbrother.

She never really liked him to begin with, it was always amusing to see your best friend hold herself back from practically spitting on your own brother. “Shut up, he may not be the greatest brother, but he’s still my brother. Plus, Renjun exists, he could pick me up,” you waved your hand off nonchalantly, blowing a small raspberry. The expression on your face was enough to make your friend drop the subject, you knew deep down that she wanted to comment on something the moment considering your smile had faltered slightly at the mention of the two toned hair Chinese boy.

Yeeun knew about your little doubts on Renjun like the back of her hand, even though you’ve never literally told her that you were upset that the boy was spending less and less time with you, she was your best friend after all. She knew you as if you’ve known each other for centuries but a part of her was aware that she shouldn’t back down on this as she had a bad feeling in her gut that informed her that something bad would happen if she really left.

“Dude, go. You’ll be late to whatever the hell you’re planning to do back in your dorm,” you made swatting moments with both of your hands as you kept up a bright smile, walking around the counter to lay your hands on her shoulders, spinning her around before leading her to the entrance. “Johnny and I will close up and you can get to working on your big assignment,” you patted her shoulder enthusiastically as you reached the entrance, causing your best friend to turn her face around to give you a serious expression, one that you seldom see on her face unless it was during really serious situations.

“If you say so, but if you really do need a ride home you could always call me. You do know that right, Y/n?” she asked, pushing your hands off of her shoulder before giving you a soft, comforting smile as she laid her own hand on your shoulder. “Of course,” you nodded eagerly, giving her a brief thumbs up. “The rain looks like it isn’t going to stop anytime soon, you really gotta call Renjun now. It’s almost 9 pm,” she sighed heavily before reaching down her bag to pull out an umbrella, unclipping the strap that keeps it closed. Shaking your head with a grateful smile, you placed your hands on your hips.

“Okay Mom,” you made a salute with two of your fingers as you fished out your phone from the pocket of your apron, showing Renjun’s contacts on your screen. “Already on it, don’t worry I’ll get home safe and sound.”

y/n at 19:35: hey can u pick me up after my shift? its about to rain soon and i didnt bring an umbrella, the bus driver is on a day off too

y/n at 19:35: help pls </3

y/n at 19:38: jun??

y/n at 19:39: junnie?? oml loml pls answer i cant just walk home D: alone </33

junnie <3 at 19:45: sorry i was driving. im taking ningning out to the carnival that just opened up near the park

junnie <3 at 19:46: cant u ask yeeun or smth to get u home? im kinda busy rn

y/n at 19:46: :OOO a carnival?? that sounds like fun i wanna go too >:[[

y/n at 19:46: but sadly no yeeun has a big project assignment in her dorm i dont wanna bug her

junnie <3 at 19:52: sorry can u not text me rn? we’re almost at the carnival and i dont want anything distracting me rn. gotta drive safe yk

y/n at 19:52: oh. im sorry :((

y/n at 19:53: srsly tho can you pick me up or no? it wont even take u 15 mins cmon junn </33 u wouldnt want ur favorite person walking home in the rain all alone do u hehe </33

junnie <3 at 19:58: y/n seriously?? cant u just ask yangyang or smth? I rlly cant pick u up this time

y/n at 19:58: sorry

y/n at 20:00: yangyang doesnt even respond to my calls i cant rlly ask him lolz

junnie <3 at 20:15: y/n im kinda busy rn. ill fill up the money in ur uber ltr the rain is starting to pour n idk if we packed an umbrella in the car

y/n at 20:16: im sorry i didnt mean to bother u

y/n at 20:16: jun?

y/n at 20:17: junnie?

y/n at 20:17: oh u must b at the carnival w ningning rn. sorry im prob spamming u rn lmao u dont have to fill up my uber cash. ill just walk home

y/n at 20:18: have fun at the carnival /^-^/ <3 stay safe<33 *read by junnie <3 at 20:20*

y/n at 21:28: jun can u pick me up fr? i think a thunderstorm is coming, ill take up the uber cash offer now LMAOAOA

y/n at 21:59: junnie its raining rlly bad can u pick me up?

y/n at 22:00: renjun can you pls come pick me up? its a literal thunderstorm

y/n at 22:01: renjun? i need you. im scared. *message failed to be sent*

vii. one step forward and three steps back

“Are you okay? You’ve been coughing a lot as of late.”

You shook your head with a laugh before grimacing as you felt an irritable itch in your lungs, as if something was tickling it. “I probably caught another one of those weird flus again,” you pressed the back of your hand against your closed lips, coughing into it in a futile attempt to get the itch inside of you to go away. “How the hell- don’t you eat those disgusting Starbucks fruit cups every single day on the way to campus?” Johnny asked as he wiped the shaker clean with a clean wet rag, furrowing his brows in confusion as you covered your mouth with your elbow to cough harshly into it.

“Womans been going home in the rain,” Yeeun clicked her tongue in annoyance, rolling her eyes as she placed the fresh pastries in the basket beside the cashier machine. “That’s not true!” you exclaimed, reaching into your pocket as you reached over into your bag to pull out a small umbrella with a wide grin stretched across your face. “I came prepared this time!” you grinned with a small mischievous giggle, earning a small scoff from your coworkers, more specifically Yeeun, who was frowning so hard to the point her chin was forming wrinkles. Quite literally not figuratively, you snapped a good picture of it though.

Yeeun clicked her tongue in annoyance, crossing her arms against her chest as she tapped her foot against the tile floor rapidly. “Of course you did, you’re going on a date after all,” she pursed her lips, glaring daggers into you as you stuffed the umbrella back into your bag with a light, giddy laugh. “Oh come on, it’s been a few weeks since I’ve seen Renjun, you can’t blame me for getting excited,” you pressed your lips into a thin smile, sighing dreamily as you leaned your cheek against your hand at the thought of the Chinese boy.

“Weeks? Dude, what the hell have you two been doing?” the new intern, Mark, exclaimed as he tied the strings of his apron behind him, walking behind the cashier counter as he joined in on the conversation. Your best friend let out a scoff at this. “Renjun has been hanging out with this girl lately to the point he doesn’t even have time to hang out with Y/n anymore, literally would drop anything and everything, would obey to her every cry and plea as if she were some damsel in distress and he was prince charming,” she hissed through her teeth, the way her face turned sour was evidently displaying her distaste and dislike for the girl she hasn’t even met.

Mark furrowed his brows at this, looking at your friend to see if she was serious before turning his face to look at yours. “Dude, deadass?” he asked in disbelief, causing you to shrug nonchalantly. “He’s just really nice, I don’t blame him. Poor girl has a heart condition and she needs a friend beside her, I don’t see anything wrong with it, really,” you shrugged, sipping on your chocolate chip frappuccino drink as you glanced down at your phone in hopes of seeing Renjun’s message pop up before you felt a rather irritating itch in your chest, eliciting a few soft coughs.

Your two friends exchanged uneasy expressions as you reached over to your cup to take a good few sips in a futile attempt to get rid of the itch in your chest. “Honestly, don’t you feel jealous or uneasy? You haven’t seen him in a while, right?” Mark asked, leaning his forearm against the counter as he gave you a rather incredulous expression, as if he couldn’t believe that you could be this calm about your significant other hanging out with someone else. “Forget about not having seen him for a while, the man literally ditched her in the rain and refused to pick her up because he was on a date with the other girl,” Yeeun exclaimed, placing her hands on the counter before shooting daggers into your soul.

Blinking owlishly, you took another sip before humming in confusion and offense. “I don’t think it was a date, come on. He was just having a friendly hang out, don’t be ridiculous,” you leaned over the counter to slap at your friend’s arm with a roll of your eyes, smiling softly at her protectiveness towards you. Mark scrunched his face in discomfort at your words, lifting his hand up to ruffle the back of his hair, unsure of how to put his next sentence into words without sounding too harsh considering he hasn’t known you for very long. “Taking it from a literal guy, I don’t think people would ditch their significant other in the rain just to hang out with someone else,” he replied with a small hiss, planting a small seed of doubt in your mind as your smile slightly faltered.

The ‘see! Even Mark agrees with me on this one!’ elicited from Yeeun didn’t make it any better.

But nonetheless, you regained your bright composure, shaking your head. “I’ve known Renjun since I was a toddler, he wouldn’t do that. He’s just a really, really nice person. Plus, Ningning has some sort of severe medical condition, I don’t blame her for needing him to be by her side right now. I would too,” you waved it off with a small uncomfortable chuckle, making swatting motions with your hands. “They’re just friends, Renjun likes me, I know he does,” you beamed, trying to encourage and convince both yourself and your friends as you took another sip of your coffee to appear more calm and collected about all this even though it was slowly adding a small ounce of pain inside of your chest at the mere thought of Renjun being unloyal.

“Friends, huh? Can’t Ningning ask her other friends to accompany her or some shit? Why does it have to be Renjun of all people?” she grumbled under her breath, causing your smile to falter as you looked down on your phone, unlocking it to reveal the recent text message you’ve sent to Renjun before you came to the cafe.

y/n at 15:00: hey ^-^ im at the cafe, text me when u get here <3

“I don’t know, that’s not really my business now, is it? What matters is that I trust Renjun with all of my heart and we really shouldn’t be talking about him in this sort of manner, it doesn’t feel right,” you lectured them gently, your uncomfortable emotion seeping through your features to show that you truly were uncomfortable and serious about this. Mark shook his head apologetically. “Sorry, I was just pissed off. You’ve been in love with this guy for like most of your life and now that he’s finally reciprocated your feelings instead of viewing you as just his best friend’s sister, he’s being all weird,” Yeeun sighed, giving you a soft smile filled with sympathy as she reached over to pat your shoulder.

You took a deep inhale, giving the both of them a bright smile as you placed your hands on the counter. “I appreciate the two of you being concerned for me but trust me, Renjun wouldn’t do anything bad,” you informed them, tapping your fingernail against the slippery counter as you attempted to pick up the atmosphere again to lose the tension between all of you. Yeeun pouted as she placed her chin on her hand, examining the empty cafe before looking up at you with a saddened expression. “Honestly, props to you for having the patience and trust to bear with this,” she clapped her hands together softly to express her proudness towards you.

Mark let out a soft laugh, crossing his arms across his chest as he nodded in agreement enthusiastically. “I agree. It’s not usual to see someone so chill with their partner spending way more time with their ex girlfriend than their actual girlfriend. I would be rolling in my own grave if I were you,” the boy clicked his tongue, looking at you with such an impressed expression despite the fact that he literally told you information that neither you nor Yeeun knew until up to this exact moment. Your eyes grew wide as Yeeun’s head shot up towards the Canadian boy, jaw dropping to the floor dramatically before sparing a small glance at your equally baffled expression to see if you were aware of this fact (which you definitely weren’t) before turning her head back to Mark.

She sat up quickly, startling Mark with her sudden rapid movements. “Ex girlfriend? Mark, what the hell did you just say?” Yeeun exclaimed, causing Mark to let out a small yelp at her loud tone as you stood still, war flashbacks going through your mind. “You didn’t know?” Mark exclaimed, now he was the one who was baffled. “Dude, I may not know Renjun that well but Yangyang and his inability to shut up made the whole universe know who the hell Ningning is,” he scratched the side of his arm, tugging on his rolled up sleeves as he cleared his throat to prevent his voice from cracking out of nervousness.

“Dude, what? I didn’t know that. Y/n clearly didn’t know that either, dude, do you know what the hell this means?” Yeeun exclaimed, grabbing his shoulders and shaking the poor boy vigorously as if he was a pair of maracas. “What? What’s wrong?” Mark exclaimed, utterly confused of what kind of poisonous seed he had planted deep in your brain as you felt your heart plunge into your stomach, feeling your own pupils start to shake as the itch in your chest grew unbearable. Your mind couldn’t shut up as your thoughts became messy and scattered, causing you to fish out your phone from your bag, opening up your chat with Renjun nervously to ask him about his whereabouts considering it’s been a full hour since he asked you to meet up at the cafe for a park date.

y/n at 16:57: junnn where r u im at the cafe rn

y/n at 16:58: dude its been a whole hour r u coming or not? :’’<

“Y/n, calm down, he’s probably stuck in traffic right now or something,” Johnny reached over, noticing your saddened expression as you stared desperately into the screen of your phone, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. Chewing on the bottom of your lip, you mustered up the strength to give your colleagues a smile. “Yeah, he’s on the way. I’m sure of it,” you said in a somewhat hopeful tone, however it was more than obvious that you were faking it. “Come on, just because Renjun was emotionally hung up on his first love for a whole two years because she left him to go to another country for some reason we don’t know, doesn’t mean that we can instantly assume that he’s seeing her behind my back, right?” you looked around at your friends in a futile attempt to see a hopeful face to reassure you that your words held some kind of truth.

“Right?”

It was almost hard to breathe as your heart started aching like hell, the saddened, sympathetic expressions your friends were giving you making you uneasy to say the least. Looking down at your phone, no signs of Renjun reading or being online despite the fact that he was the one who asked you to meet him in the park to quote unquote ‘hang out’. “I’m going to go to the park and wait for Renjun there,” you said after a small moment of agonizing awkward silence, chewing on your bottom lip nervously as you intake the remainder of your drink before walking towards the trashcan without another word, avoiding any sort of eye contact from your coworkers as you walked past them and out of the cafe.

Considering it was a merely 15 minute walk towards the park, it felt way longer than so. Your eyes were either fixated on the road or the phone screen, waiting for Renjun’s message anxiously and hopefully as your mind started to wonder if he, once again, stood you up for her. Just like he did for the entirety of his relationship with her back when you were still in highschool, you didn’t want it to happen again, you didn’t want to sulk in such a lonely place. Renjun found you when you were still invisible, he found you but he couldn’t see you; the one thing you’ve been aiming to achieve all this time.

You wanted him to see you.

Just when you thought his attention wasn’t on the girl who had stolen his heart, just when you thought he was finally able to see you, it was all about to be taken away. It was as if you were back to day one; as if you were back to your old, childish self once again. It was almost unfair to you. You fell for him first, you met him first, you were there for him way earlier than she was. Yet, how the hell was his heart in her hands instead of yours? And how did yours end up in his?

Your mind continued to race as you started coughing, the itch in your chest swarming through your lungs and up your throat as you walked into the empty park, cupping your mouth with your hand as you found a nearby bench to sit on. Deciding that you would wait for Renjun right there, you slumped down on the wooden bench, looking down hopelessly at your phone screen, patiently yet desperately waiting for a response. Waiting for him to say that he was on the way, he was just stuck in traffic, that he had something to deal with momentarily and that he would be picking you up soon.

You don’t know how long you’ve been sitting on that exact bench as you waited. And waited. And waited for someone to find you. More specifically, a certain Chinese boy who had captured your heart to find you and return to you. One hour had turned to two. And two would gradually turn to three. You didn’t know when you had lost count but you knew the night breeze was cutting off your blood circulation as you could barely feel your own lips, you swore they were turning blue from how cold you felt. The thin sweater you were wearing did you no justice in keeping you warm as you continued to sit there, unmoving on the bench.

The growling of your starving stomach was ignored as your chest began to succumb to the emotional numbness that overwhelmed you. You watched as the sun traded places with the moon, until the bright blue sky was no longer and was now covered by a blanket of cloudy midnight purple. Everything was so cold, yet you couldn’t feel much. You could barely feel the skin of your own arms under your cold fingertips as you leaned back against the bench. It wouldn’t be surprising if you freeze to death before Renjun could reply to you.

Children from the nearby playground were no longer running around as their parents had picked them up, causing the park to be even emptier than when you had just arrived. However, the dullness embedded deep in your heart had inevitably made the hole in your chest even emptier than it should. Numb fingers slowly growing cold from the evening breeze convincing you to attempt to heat them up by texting Renjun in a futile attempt of getting him to reply.

y/n at 23:36: renjun r u still coming :’’>? oml my emoticon looks like bojji from ousama ranking hehe we should watch that together it's such a heartfelt show istg

‘Please say something.’

y/n at 23:36: let me know if u change ur mind or if ur too tired ok? we can always meet up the next time ur free hehe

‘Please tell me you’re coming.’

y/n at 23:37: call me pls :((

y/n at 123:38: r u on the way?

y/n at 23:38: srry im kinda being annoying rn but ur not responding and im concerned loloz

‘Please tell me you’re not with her.”

y/n at 23:40: i like u <3

‘Renjun?’

It was almost midnight.

Renjun had never taken this long to find you and bring you home, even back when he was still dating Ningning. He had never kept you waiting for this long.

Your whole body grew numb from the emotional burnout you were enduring just from this single moment, you couldn’t even feel the mobile device in between your fingers as you felt your heart beat shallowly in your chest, harsh coughs coming out of your throat. It made you so sick deep inside you swore that you were going to throw up. Your heart was practically beating so hard and loudly you could hear it in your ears, each thud within every beat harmonizing with the inaudible screams of your mind repeatedly telling you ‘why did you believe that you were able to hold his heart in your own palms?’

No matter how many times you made him laugh, no matter how many movie dates you two have, no matter how many times you made him smile. Renjun’s heart would always go back to his first love, even if she moved hundreds of kilometers away from him, his heart would also string along with her, leaving an empty shell in him for you to replace. That was all you were to him, weren’t you? A momentary replacement for Renjun until she inevitably finds her way back into his arms, returning his heart or replacing it with her own.

You could offer all the love and affection you have in your whole being, yet, it wouldn’t be enough to replace the empty space in Renjun’s heart. Even if you gave him your whole heart.

It wasn’t enough to make him stay.

The next cough that came from your throat was almost inhumane, almost painful and itchy across the muscles of your throat. Tears sprung up your eyes as you let out a few more harsh coughs, dropping your phone to the concrete floor as you cupped your mouth. Suddenly, something silky and soft made contact with the skin of your palms, causing your heart to stop beating for a mere second. Pulling your hand away, your eyes then widened in shock and pure horror as tears continued to blur your vision.

Laying innocently on your palm were four yellow petals, seeming almost papery. Did this come straight out of your throat? Your breathing quickened as your tears blurred your vision, unable to hold them back as liquid dropped into your palm, making contact with the soft petals as you let out a soft, shameless sob. Pulling your cold knees to your chest up on the bench, you wrapped your arms around yourself, letting the petals drop to the floor right beside your phone as the terrifying realisation sunk in, a wave of sorrow washing over you as your chest constricted, the lump in your throat finally coming out of your mouth in a fit of soft, uncontrollable sobs.

You had just coughed up carnation petals. More specifically, yellow carnations.

Renjun’s favorite flowers.

junnie </3 at 00:35: im so so sorry

junnie </3 at 00:35: ningning had to go to the hospital for another check up and she needed me, im sorry i forgot to tell u. i had to accompany her considering her mom couldnt get off of work til midnight im so so sorry y/n

junnie </3 at 00:36: u must be home and asleep now right?

junnie </3 at 00:37: i swear ill make it up to u. im so sorry for keeping u waiting.

junnie </3 at 00:38: hey at least u had fun interacting w mark and yeeun right?

junnie </3 at 00:39: im tired, im gonna go to sleep too okay?

junnie </3 at 00:40: gn <3 i like u too <3

viii. and i am the idiot with the painted face

“This new playlist of yours sounds extremely depressing, I am immensely concerned,” Renjun furrowed his brows, eyes wandering to your orange speaker blasting songs conveying concerning messages on repeat.

Chuckling softly, you sat back on the carpet floor in front of him with a small shrug as you grabbed a few pieces of paper to fold the pieces of your soon to be paper crown. “Listen, with the amount of assignments piling up on my back, this playlist accurately represents the sorrows and pain my soul is going through,” you gave the boy a toothy grin with a boastful hand on your chest, waving the boy off as Renjun gently dipped the tip of his brush into his acrylic palette. “I don’t think Mitski’s Me and My Husband sounds like the echoes and pitiful screams of your soul doing assignments, sounds like you’re stuck in some sort of toxic relationship,” he pressed his lips together, unknowingly forming a cute pout.

“Shut up, who doesn’t love Mitski’s ‘Me and My Husband?’ Especially that one line: ‘And I am the idiot with the painted face’? Honestly, relatable on another level” you gushed, never failing to use your chances to express your love for the American Japanese indie rock singer with every chance given. Renjun’s face contorted with even more confusion as he focused on his canvas, carefully stroking the brush to achieve more details as he let out a soft ‘huh?’ under his breath.

Dropping his brush in the cup of clear water to wash out the paint, he reached over to grab another brush with a thinner tip, tapping the ends of it before turning his head over to you. “What part of that is relatable? You may be an idiot but your face isn’t painted at all,” he frowned, leaning over to poke your cheek with the wet brush, smiling softly at his own little joke. “You clearly don’t understand the formal art of writing, Junnie,” you mumbled under your breath, loud enough for him to hear as you reached over for the plate of cookies Renjun had brought in when he came over.

“I’m literally the art major here, writing is a part of art. You’re the one who’s not getting it,” Renjun leaned over to poke your sides teasingly to show that he was clearly joking. Getting up to your feet to grab a pair of scissors from your desk, you gave him a look filled with mock disgust, hand reaching over to your stationary box. “What? Do you prefer that I blast penthouse opera songs instead? Since you’re such a Mitski slanderer, would you prefer Ghibli soundtracks or la traviata, your majesty?” you said in a rather posh and fancy voice, rolling your eyes as you sat back down to cut the piece of paper on the floor into small, equal squares.

Renjun reached for his own cookie, placing the treat in between his lips as he let out a small hum. “You should play-”

“No, I am not playing Justin Bieber’s latest song, Howl’s Moving Castle soundtracks it is,” you cut him off without hesitation, leaning over to the laptop on your desk. The screen was evidently displaying your spotify account, your ‘songs to cry to when yellow carnations are yeeting out of your throat’ playlist on clear display for all to see as you searched up a good ghibli playlist to set a more serene atmosphere in the room. “Justin Bieber isn’t that bad, you’re just hating on him because everyone else is,” he mutters under his breath in a sulky tone, consuming his last bite of the cookie bitterly.

“I would rather listen to Dwayne Johnson’s Face off than listen to ‘Peaches’. You and Mark had chewed my ear off singing that song when we were taking that boy to the airport,” you right clicked your mouse, pressing the spacebar to randomly play a song from your playlist, straining your back in the process from stretching up to the desk with how you were sitting on the floor right beside Renjun. “I got my peaches out in-” Renjun sang quietly to himself before you placed your palms against your ears, nudging his sides with your elbow, eliciting a soft yelp from the Chinese boy.

He placed his hands on his sides, glaring daggers at you as you gave him a bittersweet, sardonic smile before returning to folding the squares you had cut out a few seconds prior. “Why are you acting as if you didn’t stream ‘love me’ and ‘eenie meanie’ religiously back in your Justin Bieber phase?” he snatched a cookie from the plate to shove it in your mouth, not bothering to hear whatever response you came up with right after he finished his sentence. Smiling at his actions, you bit a chunk of the cookie, feeling a soft itch in your chest before letting out a soft cough. “I have standards now, unlike your Believer ass. I listen to actual music, boomer,” you joked with a staggering laugh, a fit of coughs being elicited from your throat.

Narrowing his eyes at you in mock offense, he placed his palm on his chest incredulously. “Mitski and depressing ass lyrics are apparently the ‘standards’ now? Also I’m literally two years older than you,” he exclaimed in an offended tone, causing you to snort shortly.

“Yangyang literally acts so much younger than you,” you commented.

“I don’t like spending money on air jordans or that travis scott burger he went on about last week. I’d say I’m on a better level than Yangyang in terms of being a human being,” he bragged with a soft laugh, looking at the amount of shoe boxes your stepbrother had piled up right under your desk (the man didn’t have anymore space in his and since he was the one who paid most of the rent, you couldn’t say no when he unceremoniously dragged in piles and piles of expensive shoe boxes, presumably from the fiery pits of the underworld). “I’m glad we can agree on something. I swear, the man hogs up all the money just because he got the will when his dad passed but that doesn’t mean he can use it to spend on a shit ton of shoes he doesn’t even use,” you rambled on in annoyance.

If looks could kill, those shoe boxes would've disintegrated by now.

Renjun snorted, mumbling a small ‘cute’ under his breath before his eyes darted back from the shoe boxes to the sour expression on your face, hand reaching up to gingerly pinch your cheek. “Or buy some groceries, he can’t just leave you with some money every day just to order take out,” he joined in, enjoying how you were slandering his best friend behind his back even though Yangyang was probably busy screaming his throat out while playing pubg with his frat friends in the next room. (You even forced him to install some soundproofing a couple weeks ago so that he doesn’t scream ‘Winwin, to your left!’ on repeat)

“You’re acting as if you don’t bring me takeout every other day as well,” you purse your lips at his hypocrisy, crossing your arms against your chest as Renjun leaned back to support himself with his hands on the floor behind his back. “At least I brought you something healthy,” he shot back defensively with an arched brow, using one hand to tug on the beige hoodie he was wearing as you finally finished folding the square pieces you had cut out previously. Cocking your head to the side with a smile dangling in the corner of your mouth, you clicked your tongue.

“Apparently these chocolate chip cookies count as healthy to you? Damn, I didn’t know Huang Renjun was such a sugar junkie,” you joked.

You let out a small cheer as you finished what you’ve been attempting to build for the past hour: a paper crown. “Junnie, look here,” you called out, getting up to your knees as you scooted towards him with an unrelenting stare, a toothy grin spread across your face. Humming, the Chinese boy looked up at you with curious eyes, his lips pressed shut as you suddenly plopped the brown paper crown on the top of his head, the little doodles you made all around the homemade accessory accenting his dull hoodie. “Who needs Prince Eric when I have Huang Renjun himself?” you exclaimed with glee, letting out a giddy giggle as you clasped your hands together beside your cheek.

Renjun furrowed his brows, reaching over to grab his phone near the canvas, unlocking it to open the camera app to take a look at his appearance, far too lazy to walk to the closet mirror on the other side of the room. Humming softly as he inspected how the cute crown you had made him fit perfectly on his head, he gave you a smile that mirrored your own, letting out soft chuckles as he shook his head. “Thank you, this makes me feel a thousand times more special than I am,” he reached over to pinch your cheek, scrunching his face at you to restrain himself from tackling you to the floor out of pure adoration.

Wincing slightly at how hard he was pinching your cheek, you reached up to tug his hand away from your face, feeling your heart race in your chest. “Asshole, you are special to me, I thought we’ve established this already,” you stuck your tongue out childishly, ignoring the butterflies swarming up in your tummy as Renjun’s grip on your cheek unwavered, nonetheless it didn’t stop you from attempting to tug it away. “Still can’t believe someone would simp this hard over me,” he giggled, shrugging innocently as his free hand sneaked up to adjust the crown on his head.

The hand that was on your cheek soon moved to grab yours, intertwining his fingers with yours for the first time in forever, causing your heart to skip a beat. A giddy smile of disbelief stretched across your face as Renjun turned his head back to focus on his own canvas.

“What’s with the sudden hand holding, Huang?” you asked with a teasing tone, minus the fact that your heart was on the brink of bouncing out of your ribcage.

“It helps keep me focused.”

You woke up to the ominous sound of loud chewing and crunching sounds as you stirred awake, eyes slowly fluttering open as you attempted to comprehend where the hell you were. Grunting softly, you attempted to reach your arms up to stretch but you felt the rough texture of a jean jacket covering your whole body, not to mention the immensely small space you were in. Nonetheless, you sat up in the tight space you were in, causing the jacket to slide down to your lap as you moved your hand up to rub the sleep away from your eyes.

‘Where the hell am I?’

“Good morning, sleeping beauty. About time your sleeping ass woke up,” a familiarly obnoxious voice sneered at you, instantaneously ruining your mood even though you had just woken up.

Furrowing your brows, you turned to see Yangyang casually eating a bag of Doritos that was placed on his lap, a toothy grin spread across his face as he snickered at your distorted state. “What the fuck? Where am I? Why are you here?” you asked, twisting your body from how tense it felt, realising that you were in the front seat of Yangyang’s new car as Yangyang casually munched away on his cheese flavored doritos in the driver’s seat with his legs crossed on the cushions. How the hell did you even get in Yangyang’s car? He had never let you touch it before so why is he acting as if you’ve been living here like one of the raccoons hiding in your dumpsters?

“Yeeun said you weren’t picking up your calls so she called me to pick you up,” he explained with a casual shrug, reaching over to the backseat to grab the plastic bag hiding in between the cushions he had set up, pulling out a warm drink and a straw before placing it on your lap. “Drink up, you look even shittier than usual, Jesus. Did you even eat anything? You look worse than the last time I found you in that cursed park,” he hissed, shaking his head as he opened the glove compartment to get out a few tissues, carelessly tossing them over to you.

Ignoring his question, you looked over to see that Yangyang was charging your phone on the socket in front of the gear lever. “What time is it?” you asked, hesitantly lifting up the drink on your lap, startled by how ominously nice he was being considering all he’s done so far is treat you like his personal servant. Yangyang leaned back against his chair, looking at the time displayed on the car before licking his lips. “3 AM, why?” he answered shortly, rubbing his face in exhaustion before leaning his bag of doritos towards you, shaking it. “Want some?” he offered, lifting his brow.

Looking down at the half eaten bag, you darted your eyes from your stepbrother to the snack before shaking your head. “For fucks sakes,” he muttered under his breath before reaching back to the plastic bag on the backseat again to pull out an egg sandwich, tossing it to your lap. “Eat, dude, you look like you haven’t eaten today,” he leaned over to knock his knuckles against your shoulder gently, clearly not used to being this nice to you. Hell, he’s never even picked you up in your years of being siblings, it’s always been Renjun who-

Wait a second.

How did you get here? In Yangyang’s car? Weren’t you in the park, on the verge of freezing to death with yellow petals flowing out of your throat with every violent cough you elicit? You were, no doubt, still wearing the same outfit you had when you were sobbing your eyes out on the bench, therefore why were you here?

“If you’re asking how the hell you got here, Yeeun told me where she last heard you and told me to come find you,” he explained awkwardly, his joking smile no longer spread across his features, now covered up with his lips pressed into a thin line as he scratched the sides of his neck. “You dumbass, if you were going to wait for him til ass o’clock, you should at least use some of those brain cells in your monkey brain to bring a jacket or a tent to the park,” he hissed, the hand on his neck reaching up to ruffle his hair in distress as he jokingly glared daggers at you.

However, you were in no mood for jokes.

“Sorry,” you mumbled, tapping your finger against the cardboard cup quietly. “I didn’t know he was not gonna come,” you added after a few seconds after the apology, not tearing your gaze away from the untouched drink on your lap, your chest beginning to itch as you suppressed the urge to cough. There was a heavy sigh from your brother as he placed the bag of doritos on your lap, reaching over to pat your head before starting the car. “I was just joking, it’s good to see you safe and sound. You’re lucky I was in town tonight or else you’d freeze to death out there,” he gave you a comforting smile in a futile attempt to cheer you up, nudging your arm with his elbow before pressing on the gas pedal to drive you both home.

Coughing against your fist, Yangyang let out some ‘tsk’s under his breath, urging you to drink up. “I brought you hot chocolate, drink up before you cough your organs out,” he shook his head, leaning over to lower the volume of the radio as you continued to cough violently to your fist, eyes burning with tears as a few petals slipped through your throat. You let out a sour laugh, you spared a glance at Yangyang, quickly cupping your hand around your lips to gather the petals from your lips before putting it down, dropping the petals to the side of the car seat when he wasn’t looking.

“Seriously though, don’t do that again. You could’ve gotten hypothermia or some shit if I wasn’t in town to carry your heavy ass home,” he said, taking a left turn as you cleared your throat, finally stabbing the drink with the straw he gave you and drinking the warm chocolate liquid. “If I was so heavy then why didn’t you wake me?” you rolled your eyes, turning your head over to gaze at the view from the car window, staring longingly at the purple night sky. The boy beside you simply shrugged with a small hum, using one hand to drive as he propped the other up against the open window beside him, leaning his head against his arm.

“You looked like you were having a good dream, I guess,” he answered simply, eliciting a soft chuckle from you.

‘A dream, huh?’

ix. did i drive you away?

Silently sucking on your cherry lollipop, you idly flipped the pages of your textbook with an elbow propped up on the table, your head leaned up against your palm as sore eyes bore through the countless paragraphs of text filled with information. You rubbed your eyes in a futile attempt to get you to be more focused in revising your next quiz, knowing full well that your thoughts were too loud for you to actually pay attention to whatever was being laid out in front of you for more than five seconds.

Letting out an internal groan, you placed your head in your hands, taking a deep inhale before moving your hands up so that you could massage your temples with your palm, clearing your throat when your lungs began to grow itchy. Wincing slightly, you shook your head as you let out a heavy sigh, closing your eyes for a brief moment to ease your stress.

Honestly, how were you able to comprehend the fact that you just got hanahaki?

Not to self diagnose, but you knew full well that coughing up the love of your life’s favorite flowers right after you realised that he was never going to love you the same way you love him. Hanahaki: a rare disease in which victims cough up flower petals (or full bloomed flowers if left untreated) when they suffer from unrequited romantic love. It ends when the victim’s beloved returns their feelings equally romantically or when the victim dies. They say it can also be cured through surgical removal, but when the stems or thorns in which the flowers grow in the lungs are successfully removed, the victim’s romantic feelings and memories for their love will also disappear.

You can thank Google for all that research but you sure ain’t thanking yourself for making yourself cry even harder at the fact that you were going to die in a matter of less than a month if you don’t get that surgery before you enter the last critical stage.

But then, why now? Why did this disease decide to show up now? You had been seeing Renjun for almost more than three months now, you’ve never actually coughed up any carnation petals up till now, it was almost odd. That is until you consider the fact that maybe Renjun actually did like you until he was reminded that his heart belonged to someone else; his first love. Now that was quite depressing to think about, was it? But that was the harsh reality that you had to face considering this stupid disease wasn’t going to let you go.

You were only in your first year of college, you still had a whole life ahead of yo-

“Are you okay?”

You snapped yourself out of your thoughts, pulling your head out of your hands to see who had come in to check up on you. ‘Speak of the devil’, you couldn’t help but think to yourself with a small chuckle, feeling your heart ache yet soar at the same time at the sight of the cute boy’s concerned expression. Pink lips slightly parted, brows furrowed, shiny eyes flashed with a gloss of concern and worry made your heart melt at how adorable he appeared but also ached at the fact that he was currently the main source of your internal and emotional pain.

“Junnie,” you sighed out with an exhausted, loopy smile, leaning your arms over the table to make grabby hands at him childishly. “You’re here,” you breathed out, almost in disbelief. Oh how you wished you were able to say that two weeks ago when you were waiting hours and hours for him in the park, you couldn’t blame him though, his first love needed him and he lost track of time. You couldn’t blame him even if you wanted to. “Are you okay? You look terrible,” Renjun leaned his head to the side, eyes carefully examining your features as he had noticed how your smile didn’t reach your eyes like it used to, putting a starbucks paper bag on the table.

Humming melodiously, you leaned your chin up at the book, staring lovingly at the boy as if he wasn’t the reason why your lungs feel like they’re itching and burning in your chest. “I miss you. Like a lot, present tense not past tense,” you giggled, reaching your hands up to grab at his puffy, squishy cheeks. “I’m glad you paid attention to your grammar lessons in 11th grade,” he joked, fingers wrapping against your wrists to tug your hands away from your chest, chuckling softly at how childish you were being after weeks of not seeing each other.

Reaching over to the paper bag, he pulled out a venti cotton candy frappuccino along with a huge straw, looking over to the half empty cup of latte you had ordered a few minutes prior to his arrival with a disgusted expression on his face. “Did you really buy food here? How are you not hurling over the toilet seat already?” he scrunched his nose in disgust, stabbing the green straw into the white cup before taking a good few gulps of his sweet drink. “I’m really glad you’re here,” you dismissed his words with a genuine smile, eyelids fluttering with exhaustion as you rubbed your left eye.

Letting out an amused laugh, Renjun shook his head. “So you’ve said before,” he nodded, hand fishing out another cup from the paper bag and placing it right in front of you, not forgetting to balance a straw of your own on the lid. “I don’t say it enough,” you shrugged nonchalantly as he ripped the plastic wrapping of the straw off with a small grunt before stabbing it into the opening hole on the lid with his tongue sticking out in the corners of his lips. “Here, drink this instead. I got you a caramel macchiato, way better than whatever poison they brewed up in that terrifying kitchen,” he shook the drink in his hand, a tightlipped smile stretched across his face.

Smiling, you spared a glance at the white, porcelain cup half filled with (what you admit was) the worst coffee you had ever tasted in existence before accepting his drink, taking a delightful sip of the comforting drink. “Thank you, you really didn’t have to buy me this, you know,” you said as you stirred the mixture around with the straw so that the caramel would be fully incorporated with the liquid. Renjun then raised his brows at you in perplexity, letting out a small laugh of disbelief. “That’s rich coming from the person who basically nagged me for a Genshin Impact acrylic standee,” he reached over to pinch your cheeks with glee, muttering a small ‘cute’ under his breath as he watched you inhale the drink as if you haven’t drunk shit in years.

“Jesus, I told you to not eat from this cafe, the food is absolutely atrocious. Would rather eat that poison apple the evil queen offered Snow white instead of sparing a glance at those rotten looking cinnamon buns,” he shook his head at you, knowing full well that you had regrettably spent an eighth of your pocket money for the day on that disgusting beverage before looking back at the cashier counter to take a peek at the rotting pastries on display, the staff behind the counter was practically on the brink of falling asleep.

It was 2 pm on a Tuesday.

“I felt like being nice, this cafe hasn’t made any profit in years, I feel bad,” you purse your lips into a pout, not even denying that the drink was enough to make your ancestors toss and turn in their graves. “I swear, you’re too nice for your own good. I don’t think they’ve even bothered to bake new food, I’ve seen that apple pie before and it’s literally untouched,” Renjun exclaimed, eyeing the pastries, gasping slightly under his breath as he exclaimed how he swore he saw some kind of mould forming on the tips of the crusts. You then laughed at his silly antics, shaking your head as you leaned your chin on your palm, watching the boy complain with soft, lovesick eyes.

Renjun then turned to you, noticing how you’ve been staring at him for quite a while as he rambled before clearing his throat awkwardly to mask how flustered he felt. “Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked, waving his hand in front of your face to see if you were spacing out or not. “I just really miss you,” you admitted with another innocent shrug, sighing dreamily as you sent him a loopy smile, mindlessly reaching over to drink your beverage as you stared at him as if he held all of the stars of the universe in his own bare hands.

“Do you miss me that much? It’s only been a few weeks since we last saw each other,” he chuckled, putting his forearms on the table as he tugged on the book you had in between your elbows to see what the hell you were reading as if it was the source for your loopy state. “Is it wrong of me to miss you?” you tilted your head to the side, frowning jokingly before letting out a small laugh as your mind began to go south.All your heart could gasp out was ‘did he not miss you? At all?’ as you let out a small cough, putting a hand on your throat in a futile attempt to relieve some of the soreness gathering in it.

“I’m just saying, we’ve known each other since we were kids. You ghosted me for like two years because I was in a relationship with someone else, now you’re missing me because we haven’t seen each other for a few weeks? I’m just surprised, that’s all,” he shrugged with a sheepish smile, swatting his hand off as if it wasn’t a big deal as the other reached to scratch the back of his neck. Sitting up properly on the chair, you leaned back with a small giggle, looking down at your own two hands. “I don’t know, things just felt a little more lonely lately,” you admitted truthfully, your mind having flashbacks to the hours you spent hurled up over the toilet seat, coughing up carnation petals violently the more you think about the boy in front of you.

Nonetheless, his presence brought you the bliss and joy you had been craving for weeks. It was almost laughable to think that the person who had hurt you the most both internally and emotionally without meaning to was the only person in your life who gave you the happiness you had been longing for weeks. How can a single human be the one to pierce needles into your heart but also make it soar at the same time? It truly bewildered you how your affections for this individual could reach that point, if he were someone else, you would definitely back away in case things get worse but somehow Renjun was like an addiction you can’t get away from.

An addiction that made all thoughts of being sober get thrown out of the window.

“Well, I’m here now aren’t I? You don’t have to feel lonely anymore.” Your breath hitched, staring at Renjun as you formed a heart warming smile similar to the heat of a fireplace balming the goosebumps that peppered across your skin, taming the wintery chills in your heart. You were truly weak for Huang Renjun and no one could prove otherwise, not even you. His smile made you forget that you had his favorite flowers growing rapidly in your lungs. And for a brief moment, the smile on his face actually made you believe that all of this hanahaki nonsense was just some kind of dream you’ve woken up from. For a brief moment, the smile on his face made you believe that he truly did harbor the same feelings you harbor for him.

It was then you saw his phone lit up, indicating that he had gotten a message. Renjun turned his head to the mobile device, oblivious to how the bliss from your eyes had now been replaced by despondency the moment you caught sight of whose name had popped up on his screen. Your smile faltered as you closed your eyes and leaned your head back, feeling your heart start to burn and your lungs start it’s usual itching sensation. However, this time it was paired with problems with your breathing as you took a deep, silent exhale. A soft sigh from Renjun was enough to tell you what his next words were.

Just like what coldplay had said when they were singing ‘sparks’.

“Did I drive you away? I know what you’ll say”

However, you weren’t the one driving him away, he was the one driving himself away willingly without realising it. Oblivious to how much internal pain you were in, the boy proceeded to text the person who had owned his heart since day one, with each passing second, the more difficult it got for you to actually breathe. ‘He doesn’t love you,’ you admitted to yourself bitterly, letting out an inaudible chuckle as your hands reached up to wipe the tears gathering in your eyes, rubbing them to act as if you were just rubbing the sleep away so that Renjun doesn’t get concerned.

It wasn’t his fault that his heart didn’t belong in your palms. It was your fault for falling for him, if you hadn’t fallen in love with this boy then you wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place. Why did he even bother staying with you? Why was he still staying in this relationship if he didn’t even love you? Even if he did love you, it was already crystal clear that he doesn’t anymore. I mean, how the hell did you even end up with hanahaki if he truly does love you?

“Ningning wants to go to the park again, I’m going to go pick her up,” Renjun said without hesitation, pushing the button on the side of his phone to turn it off before tucking it in the front pockets of his bag. “Right,” you nodded, leaning your head back up as you fought the urge to throw up, standing up as well as you gathered your things. “Have fun,” you smiled weakly, not making eye contact as you let out a few small coughs before holding the rest in the moment you felt petals gathering in your throat, clogging up your windpipe.

“Are you okay?” Renjun asked, furrowing his brows as he stretched his arm out to touch your shoulder, but you took a step back before he could, fearing that a mere touch from him would trigger the disease blooming inside of you as you shook your head. “I’m fine, I think it was the latte. I feel kinda sick,” you laughed lightly, finally gathering the courage to look up at the boy. “You were right, I’m never going to order shit here ever again,” you gave him a genuine smile before walking past him to the nearest bathroom, your hand now massaging your throat as you let out a few spluttered coughs.

“Ningning needs you, you should go,” was all you said before Renjun was out of your line of vision.

x. why was he holding her hand when he’s supposed to be mine?

“It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to!” Yeeun sang out as she danced around in the vinyl store, playing one of Lesley Gore’s infamous tracks from the 1960s, her arms thrown up in the air as you looked through all the vinyls on display on the cashier counter.

Taeyong’s cousin owns a vinyl store near the park and you got news that Taeyong was currently substituting his cousin who went on vacation, so you both decided to unceremoniously burst into the store and bother Taeyong and Brooke’s time by playing loud tunes from the vinyls around you. “I can’t believe you two are playing vinyls and aren’t even paying for it,” Taeyong laughed in disbelief, wrapping an arm around Brooke as the girl continued to type away at her essay written on her laptop screen. “I can’t believe your girlfriend is doing her essay on a weekend,” Yeeun commented with a snort, putting her hands on her hips as you snickered.

“At least I get shit done on time,” Brooke spat back, leaning her head back against her boyfriend’s shoulders as fingers typed away mindlessly without stopping. “Touche,” you grinned, poking your best friend’s sides as you pulled out a vinyl filled with Cinderella soundtracks, letting out a small ‘oooh’ under your breath at the list of songs behind the cover. “Why are you two here anyway? Don’t you two have class today?” Taeyong asked, putting his hands on his hips as he rudely snatched the vinyl away from your grasps to put it back, causing you to send him a threatening look.

Yeeun scoffed, rolling her eyes as the record player continued to play Lesley Gore’s melodious voice. “Our class got canceled,” she said with a wave of her hand before continuing to sing along with the music in the air, causing you to let out a small snicker, shaking your head as you walked up to the counter, leaning your forearm on the surface. “You mean ‘my’ class got canceled, you’re literally skipping because your professor is being a bitch again,” you laughed incredulously, shaking your head in disappointment as Brooke stared at Yeeun in disbelief. Honestly, rich people things.

“You’re skipping class? Dude, you may have that scholarship but you’re going to have to repeat shit if you don’t take class seriously,” Brooke raised her brows incredulously at your friend, clearly surprised that one would skip class despite paying a massive amount of money to get in. Your college wasn’t that prestigious but it still held some kind of high reputation. “I’m not skipping! I’m just pretending that my professor canceled class too, you all might as well pretend with me!” she huffed, shamelessly looking away from the three of you to look through more vinyls, causing you to snort softly.

“Shit, I forgot my laptop in my car. I’m supposed to finish this piece by Sunday,” Taeyong cursed under his breath, reaching a hand up to ruffle his hair in frustration before leaning over to give his girlfriend a loving peck to the temple before walking out of the store and down the streets where his car was parked. “Fine, I’ll pretend like airplanes in the night sky-” you joked as you waved at Taeyong before Yeeun abruptly interrupted you mid sentence.

“We are not bringing up your mordetwi phase,” she huffed, shaking her head in disappointment at you. “It was funny, come on!” you exclaimed, reaching over to sling your arm around your friend’s shoulder with a teasing smile stretched across your face. “Shut up, you’re literally on your deathbed,” she huffed, pushing your arm off of her shoulder, her words inevitably attracting Brooke’s attention away from her essay. “Deathbed?” she asked, confused as she turned to you in slight concern. But before you could utter out some sort of excuse or lie, your best friend once again butted in.

Sitting down on the chairs behind the counter, she looked at you with an expression filled with sadness. “The woman here got hanahaki, currently on the second stage,” she informed Brooke, eliciting a shocked gasp from the curly haired girl. “You have hanahaki? Y/n, you’re aware this ain't something to joke about right? You gotta be kidding,” the way Brooke’s face contorted with sadness almost made you reconsider your decision of not taking the surgery, but nonetheless, you merely sighed as you looked down at your feet. “I didn’t know it was going to get this bad, I thought it was going to go away sooner or later,” you shrugged nonchalantly as if this wasn’t killing you from the inside.

“Renjun, that asshole, I knew something was fishy when you started telling me about this Ningning girl,” she muttered bitterly, loud enough for both of you to hear. You shook your head, laughing it off. “It isn’t his fault, he can’t control who his heart falls for,” hearing yourself admit it outloud was like a punch to the gut, it made your insides churn uncomfortably. “Jesus, Y/n,” Brooke cursed, hissing as she gave a look of concern. “She doesn’t even want to take the damn surgery,” Yeeun added on, looking down on her own shoes as to not show how your decision was affecting her as well.

“You’re- You’re what?”

Chuckling, you turned your back against the counter, sliding down to sit down on the floor, not caring about the amount of germs staining the fabric of your clothes. “I can’t do the surgery, I can’t go through this pain again,” you shook your head, playing with the hem of the shirt you were wearing, smiling mindlessly. “What do you mean? If you take the surgery, you won’t even remember Renjun or any of the pain you’re going through now,” Brooke then moved off of her place from the counter to sit next to you on the floor. Shaking your head, you spared her a saddened glance.

“I can’t fall in love with someone that isn’t Huang Renjun. Even if I erase my feelings and my memories, my heart is still his. Right now, I rather dance with death before he takes me away instead of forgetting him only to fall for Renjun and relive all this pain again as if it’s the first time I’ve endured it,” you explained, sighing heavily as you felt your throat clog up, letting out small coughs, accepting your fate as you watched two or three petals coming out of your mouth in messy bundles. Your friends watched silently in horror as you coughed violently, covering your mouth with one hand and cupping your neck with your other one.

Stage three of hanahaki, the second last stage: more than one petal coming out of the victim’s throat. The first stage being the irritable itching sensation deep in your lungs and the second being coughing out a petal and immensely difficult breathing. These three stages could still be removed by surgery, however, once you get to the fourth stage, there is no turning back. You were as good as dead, no doctor would be able to surgically remove the flowers (yes, by this stage, full blown flowers would be clogging up your lungs) clogging up your respiratory system.

Clearing your throat, you glanced down at the massive amount of petals gathering on your lap, sniffling slightly as you gathered them up into your palms. “Sorry, can I use the washroom?” you asked, laughing awkwardly as you got to your feet, pretending to be oblivious to the horrified expressions on your friends’ expressions. “Uh-yeah, sure. It’s right through the staff room,” Brooke cleared her throat, not knowing what to truly say to you the moment her baffled eyes saw through your sorrowful ones. If you hadn’t told them about this, would they still be looking at you with such sympathy in their irises?

Smiling, you walked towards the staff room, turning to the left to reach the bathroom. Throwing all the petals into the trashcan below the sink, you let out a heavy sigh as you ran your hands through your hair in distress. You then fished out your phone to avert your mind, which was your biggest mistake of all. As your finger swiped your phone open, the first thing that greeted you was none other than Renjun’s newest instagram post. It was a picture of him with a girl you had seen a billion times in highschool; Ningning, with wide smiles on their faces and their hands intertwined together in the corner of the picture. Oh how that was the last, powerful blow your poor heart could take.

Your stomach churned as tears sprung in your eyes, dropping your phone into the sink as your throat suddenly closed up, as if something was clogging it. Your heart ached as if it had taken one of the sharpest daggers in the world, the itching sensation that you’ve gotten used to in your lungs had now grown into excruciating pain as you began to cough as if you were trying to get something out from inside of you. Thoughts spinning, you could barely hear or comprehend your own surroundings.

She was so pretty. Ningning was so pretty, prettier than you could ever be. No wonder Renjun’s heart was in her palms. Why was she so pretty? If you were as pretty as her, would Renjun love you just the same? Renjun had never even held your hand, how could he easily hold someone else’s hand? Why was he holding her hand when he’s supposed to be yours? Why her? You’ve known him for most of his life, you liked him first. Why was she the one who got to hold his heart at the top of her palms? Why was she the one who got to hold his hand and devote all his time to? It wasn’t fair.

There was an inhumane noise that came from your throat, the feeling of liquid and petals coming in contact with your skin, causing shivers down your spine as you slowly looked down.

There was blood in your palms. Your own blood. Staining the pretty, yellow, paper-like petals.

There it was. A fully bloomed yellow carnation, the last stage.

“Y/n-” there was a scream. It wasn’t your own. Or was it? It was as if all the shock surging through your veins had cut off every nerve in your body as you turned to your three friends, who were now standing in the doorway a few meters away from you with speechless, teary expressions.

“I don’t want to die,” was all you could choke out.

xi. enchanted

“Hey Renjun? I was wondering if you wanted to go to the planetarium today?”

“I can’t call right now, Y/n.”

“What, why? Are you okay? You sound stressed out.”

“I told you I can’t call right now, I’m stuck in traffic and Ningning needs a heart donor, quick. I can’t take you to the planetarium today, okay?”

“Ningning? Again?”

“Don’t be selfish, Y/n. Ningning’s mom asked me to take care of her when she’s not around. She has a heart condition, you have to understand that.”

“Renjun, I’m sick too.”

“Learn to take care of yourself for once. I can’t be there for you all the time, it’s probably just a fever.”

*BEEP*

“Renjun?”

He had hung up. That was it, your last hope to save your own life. You even swallowed your own pride to ask him for help, only for him to reject and turn it down. Here you are now, in a hospital gown, walking around the halls during your free hour considering everyone else was too busy to visit you at the hour. The hospital's plain white walls stretched out across the endless hallways reminded you that your life was going to completely change after this, for your life is about to be taken away by these carnations blooming in your respiratory system. It’s been almost a week since you’ve been admitted to the hospital as a patient, the doctors claimed that it was too late to save you. Unless you wanted to try the surgery, they could perform an immediate operation, however there was a 70% chance that you weren’t going to survive.

You were going to die, and there was no way to save you. Yet again, the man who caused this illness was also the only cure, the boy who had driven you up to this stage was the only person you wanted to see at the moment. It was almost laughable that even after all the pain and horror you’ve been through, you still wanted him to be here, to at least hold your hand once.

Your ears swallowed up the distant, pained wailing of other patients instead of Renjun's laughter, your taste buds were drenched in lashings of your own blood in replacement of that mouth-watering ramen that nearly burnt your tongue. Not even the sound of children running down the halls in hospital gowns could blur or fade the hardest memory engraved in your brain ; Renjun's warm smile. His smile that will never be seen by you again now that his heart strings are all tangled up within Ningning’s fingers. All hope was lost. Even if you chose to do the surgery sooner, you knew you couldn't recollect and perform all those memories of the boy you loved ever again.

All the universe would do is push you into the same abyss that you’re currently in ; love. All for a certain boy who fancies yellow carnations and stays up at ungodly hours to eat ramen and do his art assignments.

“Hey, are you okay?” a soft voice called out a few moments later, snapping you out of your trance. Looking up from your dead phone, your aimless, dull eyes glanced up to see a familiar, pretty face that you’ve been disliking for years. Ningning. This was the hospital she was staying at too? Just your luck, cause of death number 2 was here ironically right after cause of death number 1 refused to save you.”I’m fine,” you shook your head, wiping the tears away from your face as you sniffled. “You don’t look like it,” she chuckled softly, taking a seat next to you, putting her hands on her lap.

“Relationship problems?” she asked, tilting her head to the side, offering you an angelic smile. You shook your head, laughing nervously. “If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you? You’re way too young to be in a hospital gown,” she commented jokingly, earning a soft chuckle from you as you sighed and gripped on your phone. “First year of college,” you shrugged, leaning back against the metal chair as you gazed up at the ceiling hopelessly. “I’m on the last stage of hanahaki, I’m just waiting for this disease to kill me,” you exclaimed with a half joking manner, a loopy smile hanging on your lips.

She furrowed her brows, shaking her head. “Don’t say that, you still have a whole life ahead of you, you know,” she encouraged in an enthusiastic tone, bumping her shoulder with yours in a weak attempt to cheer you up. “I’ve been here for a week now, I need a heart donor soon,” her facial expression showed nothing but content, as if she wasn’t on the brink of dying too. “You don’t seem all that upset for someone who might not even get a donor,” you placed your hands on top of each other, feeling more comfortable to continue on with the conversation as time went on.

Shrugging casually, she played with her iv tube mindlessly. “I mean, it would be better if I lived longer but so far, I’m pretty content with what I’ve done in this life and the people I’ve met made me even more grateful,” she mirrored your previous actions by leaning back against the chair as if you had known each other for years, gazing at the ceiling with a life-threatening disease eating away at the both of you. Her words touched you, thus causing you to realize how different in the ways you both view life, how you had come to take everything that’s happened so negatively whereas she had probably been keeping her own chin up and being grateful for everything.

Have you ever been grateful for anything throughout these past few months? You don’t even know anymore, that was how lost you were at life at that exact moment.

Was this the reason why Renjun fell for her? Her angelic, kind personality? Or was it how she was enchanting and pretty both inside and out? Whatever the reason was, you couldn’t blame him for falling for her. You may have only made small talk but you knew very well deep in your heart that he wasn’t going to be happy with you anyways, his heart was still in hers and there was no doubt in your mind that hers is still a part of his belongings. You never stood a chance in the first place.

You wanted to hate her. You wanted to hate Ningning with every part of your being, but you knew she hadn't done anything wrong. Renjun hadn’t done anything wrong either. You just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, it wasn’t their fault that you ended up on your own death bed. An angel like her deserved the world, knowing that she had been tackling this disease since your highschool days, you couldn’t imagine the amount of worry and grief Renjun had been going through for the past few years. You couldn’t blame him for using you as some kind of distraction during her absence.

Ningning still had so much more to live for, yet you had nothing left.

“Ningning! Renjun’s waiting in your hospital room,” a woman called out from afar, you assumed it was her mother due to the old age written across her features. Ningning’s head shot up at this, giving the woman an enthusiastic thumbs up before turning to look at you with an easy-going smile on her face. “That’s my cue, I gotta go now. It was fun talking to you,” she giggled, laying her hand on your shoulder to give an affectionate squeeze. “I hope we can meet each other again soon,” she patted your shoulder before getting up to her feet, holding the iv stand as she grunted.

“Your boyfriend?” you asked with a smile of your own, your own heart screaming at you for saying such a thing. You had finally come to terms with the fact that Renjun wasn’t yours, you were just believing that he was. The flustered expression on her face said it all as she shook her head vigorously in denial. “No! NO! Just a friend from highschool, he has a girlfriend too! They’re super cute together,” she let out a small ‘pfft’ afterwards, causing you to giggle softly, minus the fact that your chest was practically in excruciating pain. “Doesn’t really seem like it,” you raised your brow at her, shrugging softly.

“Take care of him, he seems like a nice guy,” you informed her seriously, reaching over to shake her hand affirmingly, earning a confused expression from the older girl. “You’re weird,” she shook her head with a disbelief laugh. “I’m Ningning by the way, what’s your name?” she introduced herself, laying her hand with the iv tube stuck to it on her chest. If she knew that Renjun was in a relationship, there was no doubt in your mind that she knew your name, maybe she knew how you looked as well. Perhaps she had forgotten what you looked like. After all, you went to the same high school before she moved away.

Smiling, you waved your hand at her. “I’ll tell you the next time we meet, how about that?” you asked with a tilt of your head, letting out a small cough. Ningning shook her head, placing her hands on her hips as she gave you a pointed look. “We better meet again soon then,” she huffed with a small wave before walking towards her mother, watching you wave goodbye as she disappeared right around the corner, presumably to the elevator to her own room. A sad smile had replaced the previously genuine one as you stood up weakly to head to your own room with a weak grunt.

It was over. At least, for you it was.

Stumbling into your room, you quickly ran into the bathroom as you had another violent session of throwing up carnations and blood with tears staining your cheeks. It was a truly ugly sight, just like the state of your own heart. Ugly. Your throat burned the more you cough, your lungs and heart screamed and cried for help, begging for someone to free them of all of this searing pain. Hands gripping on the toilet seat as more inhumane sounds of your coughing and choking filled the empty bathroom, your heart beating rapidly in your ears as you sobbed in pain.

After you got everything out, the only thing that came to mind at that exact moment was to reach the phone and call the only person you had left in your life.

Of course, he didn’t answer either.

“Hey Yangs?” you sniffled, your voice weak and raspy as you leaned against the wall and sat hopelessly on the tiled floor. “Can I ask you something? You’re probably not going to even bother hearing this out until like three days later but I just need you to answer me. Is it really hard to love someone like me?” you coughed out another petal, wiping off the blood at the corner of your lips as tears continuously streamed down your face. “My own parents left me, your dad left not long after I came into the picture, Renjun-” you stopped yourself from making things even worse as you took a deep breath to compose yourself. “I know you don’t like me much either, is it that hard for someone like me to be loved?”

“Sorry, I’m probably bothering you from whatever the fuck you’re doing right now,” you let out a staggering breath, an uncontrollable sob elicited from your throat. “If you’re wondering why I’m not home, I’m in the hospital right now. I’ll be here for a while, I’m just having another one of those moments,” you shook your head, trying to remain strong.

“I’m going to take a nap now, okay?”

xii. i love you so please let me go

“Thank god Ningning’s able to find a donor in time,” her mother sighed in relief, watching her sleeping figure through the window glass, putting a hand on her chest in relief. Renjun nodded in agreement, watching as his dear friend will finally stop worrying about her heart stopping at any given moment.

“I’m so glad Ningning won’t have to go to the doctors for a check up every three days, I’m happy for her. She can live a longer life now,” he exclaimed, a relieved smile stretched across his face as he fidgeted with his fingers. “Though about her donor, I pity the poor girl so much. She has a whole life to live for,” the older woman shook her head in sympathy as she sat down beside Renjun on the waiting chairs.

This caught Renjun’s attention as he let out a small ‘oh?’. “You know her, ma’am?” he asked, tilting his head to the side in curiosity with a small hum. The elderly woman shook her head but sucked in her bottom lip nervously, “this is highly confidential but since you’ve been here since day one I’m sure it won’t hurt to tell you,” she placed a hand on her chin as she thought about the girl who had donated her own heart for her daughter. “She’s actually someone younger than both you and Ningning, Renjun. I think she’s a student from your campus too,” she whispered, looking around to see if anyone was listening in.

It wasn’t very good to speak ill of the dead after all.

“My school?” he furrowed his brows in confusion, an uneasy feeling settling in his gut. “A female student younger than me that also goes to my school?” he muttered under his breath as the gears in his head began to move. “Apparently, the poor girl was on her last stage of hanahaki and offered to donate her heart before she agreed to do a surgery to remove the yellow carnations in her lungs. Poor child passed away from unrequited love, honestly, my condolences to the poor family,” she rambled on, similar to how his own mother would ramble when it came to discussing Ningning’s medical condition.

Renjun's visage silenced for a good minute. That description could fit just about any college girl for all he knew, but his gut told him she wasn't just any mere young girl at campus. It couldn’t be, could it? It could’ve been just some sort of coincidence that his favorite flowers were yellow carnations; a symbol of rejection and disappointment. If he knew anyone in his life who suffered a severe illness, someone who was suffering from one sided love while holding a broken heart filled with adoration and fondness. If anyone he knew was fond of someone

“Renjun, I’m sick too.”

Your weak voice from the call you two had a few days ago echoed in his mind as his heart started to beat erratically in his chest, mind going haywire at the possibility of- 'no, it can’t be. It couldn’t possibly- could it?' Renjun’s breathing slowly became uneasy as he gripped the ends of the sleeves of his sweater, pupils shaking as he attempted to rationalize with his own scattered thoughts. 'It can't be.' This could all just be a coincidence, right? You were laying in bed with a fever not with his favorite flowers clogging up your respiratory system. At least, that’s what he thought.

"In the end, the doctors couldn't save her. They said that the flowers in her lungs were growing so rapidly that they couldn't stop them from clogging up all the airflow. The poor girl passed away not even thirty minutes into the surgery," she added, putting her head in her hands at the thought of her own child being in the same position. "She must've been suffering such unbearable pain for the flowers to bloom that quick, she must've loved that person so much. I can't even imagine what I would've done if Ningning somehow got that disease."

Clearing his throat to cut off her rambling, Renjun nervously fidgeted in his seat as he turned to look at her with a heavy heart expression. "I'm sorry but did you happen to catch her name? The name of the donor?" He sucked in his bottom lip anxiously, fingers tapping against the metal seat but also gripping tightly at the same time, he could feel all the blood rushing through his veins as his heart continued to beat louder and louder. He could barely hear himself think with how rapid his heart beat was.

The woman perked up at this, her mouth forming an 'o' before humming to recall the name. "I think it was Y/n L/n? Take it with a grain of salt, though. I'm not entirely sure," she said with a shrug.

Oh how Renjun's heart had almost come to a stop at this.

"Do you know her, Renjun?"

Stumbling up to his feet, he desperately fished out his phone from his back pocket with clammy, shaking fingers as a lump began to gather in the poor boy's throat. "Is she someone you know, Renjun?" Ningning’s mother asked once again as Renjun began dialing your number, muttering silent curses under his breath with every single beep his phone let out. "I know her. I knew her very much so," was all he could utter before his feet started moving as fast as they could towards the exit of the hospital and to the parking lot, desperate to get to the car.

"Y/n?"

"God dammit, please answer the call."

"That wasn't you right? It was just some other Y/n from our school, right?"

"It can't be you, right?"

"Please pick up the call, I'm begging you."

"Y/n, you can't leave me."

"Y/n, you're sick right? I'm coming over, okay? This time, I'm staying, I promise I'm staying for as long as you want. Please, just pick up the call."

"Fuck, I- wait for me, okay?"

"You wanted to go to the planetarium right? For our first actual special date. Let's go to the planetarium. Right now. I'm sorry I said no the other day, I'm not busy anymore. We can go to the planetarium now, y/n."

"We can gaze at the stars and spot constellations again. Just like how we did when we were kids. Dress up nicely, okay, love?"

"We can visit the flower shop too afterwards and get lots and lots of roses. It's time that I pick you some in return, yeah? You'll finally give me those carnations you promised."

"Thank you for being so patient with me throughout these past few months, Y/n. I promise, I'll make it up to you today."

"Can you please pick up the call so I can hear your voice again?"

"Y/n, let's finally go to the planetarium. Okay?"

'Hey Renjun, remember when you said you didn't like roses because they had thorns when we were seven?'

'Why didn't you tell me that carnations have thorns too?'

¤ taglist: @nct-writers @neoturtles @neowritingsnet @ankathi-a @songchan @tyongishs @nuoyi-city @jensrose @rensiu @aedreamzy @zhongtune @frickyratz @sunflowerhae @jccv @neoteez01

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