#surprise!!! idk when ill do that
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i cant show their fat asses rn bc ill get got by the authorities when ive done nothing wrong
#emiya alter#archer emiya#fgo#emiya#fsn ubw#shadow emiya later#for au purposes#xam wips#xam doodies#uh wow its march and i have yet to complete any art :)#surprise!!! idk when ill do that
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They call me the fucking drawer. The redrawer. of my own draws. Ogs are both from 2019 ^_^

#ignore me aphmau postingim not cringe guys please. its just what i drew for like 2 years straight when i first started drawing#My improvement goes kind of crazy. Id be surprised if i DIDNT get better in 6 years tbf BUT STILL.#tried a new thang with the halftones in the first one i kind of like it#also put in a LOT more detail than i normally do/did. trying to do that more#ANYWAYS#doodles#art#fanart#my art#for both of them i rlly wanted to capture more emotion i feel like in my old art i really struggled to express anything#bcuz id spend so many hours refining that i eventually lost the fluidity of the og sketch. if that makes sense#so they feel very stiff and dont show any kind of personality#especially with the first one i wanted to show more abt how i think abt the character and not just. showing off her outfit or whatever#Overall very happy with how these 2 turned out. i might take my art tablet back with me to my dorm but idk if ill ever have time#and it mioght become a distraction WHATEVER I STILL HAVE LIKE 4 DAYS
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maría for the ad astra zine! lc u will be missed T_T
#lalin's curse#maria lalins curse#maria navarro becerra#OUUAHHHHGHGGGGG#Stop i miss lalins curse so bad. ough.#sorry i hsve many thoughts do not look at these tags theyrre long#i always had a feeling it wouldn't come back but i'm still so sad like thats my daughter........ my kids.... for reals...... i was#around their age when i started reading and now i'm like 19 they shouldve grown up with us FUCKKKKK i miss rhem so bad. timeskip davias.#i think i spent like an entire year with the lc/delete worms it's one of the smaller fandoms#that ive been in so i'm surprised but also there was SO much going on in thzt damn comic. hwhere is church boy WHY VALOR THE BUS DRIVER#i remember getting ownership of the fandom wiki and spending an insane amount of time on the home page and fixing it all jusr for fandom t#COMPLETELY CHANGE THEOR LAYOUT i think that killed the vibe for me tbh. fanodmwiki alwyas at the scene of the crime#Whahteverrrrrrrrrrr#what ever man.#seeing it go is so sad like ik it'll be revived eventually but OUGH the comic was so well done. i still recommend it so bad even though its#a terrible cliffhanger (itd ok we know what happens)(Lie)#i still need to own delete one day. Ill learn spanishtrust me. idk isaky art changed my life so much i'm so glad she won snowmiku and got s#many insane opportunities I hope she always wins forever. rhe four other laliners that follow me i hope you are still here. hiiiiiii#putting this zine together with all my lc oomfs was so nice and it's such a nice farewell to the comic AUHH go check outthe others plz#okau over. Lc changedmy life sorru#art tag
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yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay ch3 of danganronpa CLEARED but like. why did so many people imply that was gonna be a bad and annoying chapter. i had fun lmao, and the trial didnt feel any more or less frustrating than all the other ones ??
#i feel like ppl keep saying it about like that one and maybe the next one or two also#but i didnt dislike 3??? so idk maybe ill be fine w/the others too lol#dr liveblogging#that reminds me i gotta go back to ace attorney#bc im ALSO at a chapter there that people say is like infamously frustrating and hated#which i think put a mental halt on me LOL it's hard to keep going on something#when everyone is like OH THATS GONNA SUCK like okay. do u want me to play or not LOL???#but even w/ AA theres a person or two i follow that i think have been playing it too#and i think i remember them saying they didnt mind that chapter??? maybe even liked it#so i dunno man. i dont really want other ppls perception of game to warp my perception before i get there#i say that and yet i am going into dr with many sporadic spoilers ksldhfLHFSDLKJG lol but what can ya do#like i knew how ch3 was going to end and i knew who was getting killed#so maybe that removed any distaste bc i wasnt surprised about those parts#bc i knew about them years ago lol#well wahtever i thought it was fun. i miss ibuki tho <///3
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Im so bad at finishing games more than once but i need to finish my cadash playthrough of dai and remake my lavellan playthrough bc i dont remember almost any of my choices, all for the sake of veilguard
#dragon age#dragon age inquisition#da:i#dragon age veilguard#dragon age the veilguard#datv#my lavellan is a solasmancer surprising no one#but unfortunately my playthrough as aila was done when i was. like 14-#not including tresspasser#i finish that up a few months ago dont ask#anyway ik like. their own plot beats#but thats about it. so i need to do the game again#i was thinking about dropping aila as an oc but. i love them too much to do that#that said i might change their name a little bit. or not idk#i still dream of doing a cadash or adaar solasmance one day#but that would require mods and i mainly play on console#ill have to see how inq runs on my computer before i do that#i just think. theres so much potential to cadash/solas ok
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lil writing I foud in the drafts. TW disassociation and brain fog
Vyncent doesn't feel awake.
He blinks down at the stove, slow, and tries to remember what he was making. Soup, his mind supplies, but that's obviously not right. It's a frying pan in front of him with little cubed pieces of beef. His knife is in one hand, a spatula in the other. There's still muck on his knife. He puts the spatula down in the pan to stir, but his attention is drawn again to his knife. Why hadn't he cleaned it off, yet?
Hands to pocket, finds his cloth, hesitates. Raw meat juice. Can't contaminate anything. That's the important thing in cooking. Not contaminating your surfaces.
Wait. Aren't people raw meat? His cloth is already contaminated, and so is his knife. That's okay then. They're allowed to be gross, the way that cutting boards are allowed to be gross. He'll just have to wash his hands afterwards.
He puts his cloth to the knife and pauses, stares at it. He's just standing there. Everything feels like cotton, like fabric between his finger and an edge.
Careful, that's right, that's what he was trying to remember. Careful along the blade so he doesn't cut, doesn't dull. Just wipes clean.
Knife away. Cloth in pocket. A pan in front of him, sizzling, and a spatula left inside it. He goes to grab the spatula by the handle, remembers the contamination, and withdraws. The sink...?
Behind him. Washing his hands is important. He goes to do that. Nothing is connecting right and he tries to focus on the steps. Water, soap, lather. The sink keeps running. Vyncent stares at the water flow, uncomprehending as his hands run over each other.
"Vyncent?"
Vyncent looks up to see Dakota. "Oh. Hey."
Dakota's eyes sweep over the scene. His eyes narrow a little and he frowns--his thinking face. Vyncent resigns himself to patient waiting, but the expression disappears as quickly as it had arrived. "Bad day?" Dakota asks, voice soft.
"Huh?"
Vyncent looks down. His hands are still under the running faucet. He doesn't know how long he's been here.
"Oh. Yeah, I guess."
It's a little easier with Dakota there, moving around behind him. Like watching the hands of a clock, seeing the time move in front of him. Vyncent turns off the water, starts dying his hands as he listens to the little click of the stove turning off behind him. Oh, that weird smell is like burning. That's probably what drew Dakota in here. "...Is it rude to order pizza?" Dakota asks, almost hesitant. It's weird for Dakota to act delicate, like Vyncent is fragile. That's a mode usually reserved for William. Vyncent isn't sure how to act when its turned on him. Not sure how to feel about it.
"Nah," Vyncent answers, putting extra effort into the casual shrug of his shoulder. Look at him, feeling fine. "Pineapple?"
"Will's going to kill you," Dakota says easily. "Yeah, pineapple. Hey, how about a movie?"
"Something scary?"
"I'll ask Will to pick," Dakota decides. He presses forwards, effectively herding Vyncent towards the other room. Vyncent feels mildly irritated, and mildly fond. The cotton is thinner, and his thoughts are easier to hold on to. He's awake enough, even, to go to the couch without prompting and have the forethought to adjust the pillows, grab the blankets. He hears Dakota on the phone behind him, already ringing up the pizza place, so he takes it upon himself to pre-choose a few movie selections for William. He doesn't have to. It's probably a little rude. He wants to pick at least a little, like he has to prove that he can. But also. He doesn't want to watch the Bee Movie right now.
It's nice, though, when William comes in and takes a pick from Vyncent's selections. It's nice when they're all bundled onto the couch, Dakota's head in his lap and William a warm line against his side. Solid weight. It's still a bad day. Still hard to focus on the movie, hard to follow the plot. It's a nice bad day, though, and right now that's enough.
#im not sure disassociation is the right thing here?#ill change it if anyones got a better description#its based off of one of My weird days but idk if that was weird head shit or migraine flavoured weird head shit and not applicable to like#more typical experiences#i coulda researched but i wrote this whilst in the throes so tbh idrc#anyway. points. da vinki.#pd#i think hed be uncomfortable with dakota being sweet to him but its been so long since i lisgened to pd i cant rememmver why#early season vyncent wpuldve been fine but i think? late season vyncent is too busy trying to truck through#he went home and then he left again and he didnt even talk about it to his besties#like man. okay#i think i was surprised when they called him an overthinker because i always took him as the dont-think-about-it type#hes less likelly to consider consequences yknow#like his side quests snd his credit card debt and chasing rats at bad times and working with mal#<<<<< actually i just remembered he briedly worked with mal hang on.#i forrgot about that shit. im always thinking about wiwi and mark during that period but vyncent literally was carrgin mals shit around that#whole time. heyo what the hell#parallels.....#ANYWAY. hi. now bye. i gotta do some Reading for Educational Purposes
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Almost done with my playthrough of of RE3 og and jesus, Carlos is such a baby in that game. Not in a whiny/negative way, like a literal child. Like a "barely adult from your work place" baby. The man is 21 and he FEELS it. When Jill goes down it's such a ton shift because his run in the hospital is filled with harder enemies and he sees more of his companions go down. The poor little dude is alone and he latches onto Jill quick. It's just really striking to me I don't think I've ever bumped into anyone talking about this part of the og3 before and the characterization of carlos was really surprising
#there werent a ton of surprises with Jill#shes in survival mode and she does mechanic stuff and engineering things shes not qualified for but does anyway#like yeah. its what I expect from her#she is softer than I expected but Ill do a linger post about her when Im done#idk#murphy speaks
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NEW DOCTOR BERATED MY MOM FOR DOWNPLAYING A SERIOUS LIFELONG MEDICAL CONDITION & TOLD HER I NEED A CT SCAN
#i've NEVER had a doctor tell me ''that isn't normal & could be serious & we'll look into it asap''#but the fact my mom was ALSO there & faced CONSEQUENCES#this doctor is a bit weird about ADHD but she DID listen to me & act weirded out by my mom's ''don't make a scene'' mentality around illnes#''so you're telling me you were IN a hospital when she had a SEIZURE & you did NOTHING???'' so poggies#my mom: well i just didn't want to cause a scene#this doctor: that's fucking weird. that's not normal. that's really bad actually#my mom: *surprised pikachu face*#i wish i had someone else to bring with me to help but like. i don't#unfortunately it's just her. my sister's enabler#had to explain to the doctor that no i don't have celiac i can eat gluten & stuff super fine. my hands are just dry cuz it's winter#& she was immediately like yeah checks out#insane. never had a doctor listen to me before#maybe i should get a support dog instead. maybe that would help#would be nice to have someone NOT getting medical advice from someone who WANTS me to have their illnesses out of spite#like unless i have asymptomatic celiac disease then idk what the fuck to tell you other than shut the fuck up about celiac#my gluten intake has nothing to do with my dry hands
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Orb...

+ process kinda
#istg lineart is just a horrible terrible thing LOL#i sketch and it goes very well and i am very happy and i feel very creative!!!#i have to do lineart and it makes me want to give up the piece .....#i get to paint and im like omg i could do this for hours !!! this is so fun !!!!!!#thus: orb#im very happy w it so thats why im posting#idk how long the actual piece is gonna take so might as well post a little sneak peak ig#lmfao i gave up on the crown bcs it was too complicated and then drew this. maybe the crown will come back. prob not#im surprised w the process of this. i usually struggle a lot w accurately referencing real life things#and i usually end up tracing them just to understand how the form works#and god ive drawn so many complicated things for this piece and havent had to trace at all???? okay?????#i mean ofc its not entirely accurate bcs the craftsmanship on the original orb is actually insane#but i think ive got it down p well :)#ill have to try to make the gold look a bit better at some point later on but for now its !!!#i like how half my art i post here is either chibis#or just the most brainrot intense historically detailed shit ever#yes no one i talk to probably knows what a globus cruciger is but GOD DAMN IT IM GONNA DRAW IT ACCURATELY#had this thought ^ when i looked at my top posts and my last post was those nando chibis#and then after a week of not drawing after that im like yeah let me draw several imperial relics#catie.art.
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i was lookin at a few vids about the bg3 dream visitor romance [spoilers if anyone's still early game i guess lol] and like i was so shocked people were, like, so upset and betrayed when they discovered the dream visitor's true form fksdjgkdljf like okay i forgot not every corner of the internet has monsterfuckers and also i guess normies are playing this game. and ALSO it reminded me that the % of players that even have the steam achievement of sleeping w/the emperor at all is so low. 12.7%. why is everyone a coward. i'm not even a self proclaimed monsterfucker. i dont like sex and im mildly phobic of tentacles. WHY IS EVERYONE A COWARD!!!!!
tho to be fair probably a lot of ppl are also romancing a companion and wanna be faithful - ive only gotten to that scene in multiplayer where none of us were in companion romances so it was guilt free go for it see what happens, in the discord call all together LOL..... then we had a lover's spat after the raphael fight 😑
#im p sure you have to become a mindflayer to do his whole romance which i dont wanna but like it's fun to see what happens lol#but also our friend has played further and was heavily biased against the emperor#im like dude no spoilers i wanna make up my mind as we go. im gonna fuck him LOL#3/4 of us did#our friend didnt and then he was like OH WAIT I FORGOT THERES AN ACHIEVEMENT well thats what u get for being a hater i guess#p sure we are going to betray him and break that guy outta there but idk maybe we wont. gotta mix it up see what the vibes are#in the multiplayer game we kinda just let things happen in the moment it's a fun and chaotic time#sometimes we lie. like we lied to raphael. it's fine#and then we tried to lie to the emperor about the fact that we made the deal but i think we rolled bad lol#so he knew and we had to be like IT'S FINE DUDE TRUST ME WHATEVER#anyway my point was i was surprised people werent into his tentacle form i just assumed all sex enjoyers do but#i forgot about the normie allos..........#there was like ONE person in the comments that was like yeah i romance the dream visitor and YES i know 👍#only real person in that comment section i s2g#anyway we havent finished a full playthru yet so idk maybe ill be a hater by the end of it but rn i have fun with him#even tho he was kind of a bitch when we had that latest talk lol he was so shamey about our raphael deal 😒#i think he was mad he couldnt see what we were up to down there like bro give us some space!!!
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loveee when a character is crushed under the weight of someone elses expectations for them love when a character dedicates their entire life to something they never even wanted for themself love when the only reason a character keeps going is because theyre Supposed to and bc theyre supposed to make another person happy/proud. YES !!! CLAPPING !!! YES !!!!!!!!
#this isnt rly related to any character in particular i just thought abt this and it made me scream.#flirting at a bar Damn girl you look like youre trapped in a life you built to please someone else. and then i kneel down and pull out a 💍#sry i ran out of space for the full word ring. also why when i type 💍 Ohh theyre hiding it. bc now the emoji is 💍 Oh they changed it again#pox on their home..originally it was 🔐 sughested emoji#but then the second time it was 😭.... very anti marriage. well ig maybe the sob could be like OMG... YES!!!!! I WILL MARRY YOU!!!!!!#ngl getting proposed to is such a big fear of mine like. i dont think id ever be able to propose to someone so id have to be proposed to i#suppose but it makes me quite nervous not bc im like ohh nooo dont propose i just rly worry ill react the wrong way and theyll change their#mind. like its a very high emotion moment so ik i would be supposed to be emotional And i would be but idk if id do it in the right way . y#idk. what if my autism looms and i end up just being like 😐 on accident. fuckkk. what if i say somethinf dumb. like i try to be like YES !#but instead im like YEP! god. can you imagine. id have to just bury myself at that point. so embarassing. or like what if i get excited and#flap my hands but it was supposed to be more of a like. joyful crying type of thing... or what if im supposed to just be shocked and like .#Oh my god ....#and am I supposed to run at them and sweep them into a hug or do they do thst to me. UGH. ITS SO STRESSFUL. i suppose ill just remain alone#forever so I never have to confront any difficult situations ever again . Joke .#idk it just makes me nervous. but i suppose hopefully the person proposing to me will love me . that would be nice so hopefully they wont#mind if i dont respond the right way . and they wont be upset with me bc they love me eversomuch. a girl can dream i suppose... my head lik#is pounding sry. i need to sleep probably.. stayed up too late again -_- 8am -_- and im sposed to do laundry today But i dont want to . and#since im gonna fall asleep i fear it shant happen. UGHHH#wtvr. idk what my ideal proposal would be likeee. i don't want to be blindsided ig#i like surprises but Obviously im too worried abt like. my immediate reaction#+ i think its important to talk abt marriage Before proposing just so everybodys like#on the same page and such. Obvs... but ya. i dont think id want a super public proposal like. id like it to be somewhere nice with maybs#significance to our relationship and such. and its fine if theres like Some passersby but id hate for it 2 be like. somewhere crowded. or i#a restaurant or something#Altho if it was in a restaurant maybe we could get free food..#but maybe that can be just fake proposals later on. and our real proposal can be somewhere else. YIPPEEE. me and my imaginary future spouse#who is To be honest rather bare minimum#normal girl will be like Wistful sigh maybe my future spouse will even love me and wont scream at me and will like to listen to me speak 😍#but anywyas. my beddybye time. SURPRISE GN POST#woahhthis got off topic i forgot what the original post was this always happens. i do love characters like that
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wanna add endo to the list so bad. feeling sick rn.

#will u guys hate me if i fuck up the characterization? I KNOW I WILL BUT WILL U GUYS#wanted to do a shorter one this week too and im holding myself back#NEED THAT MAN NEED THAT MAN but also IDK THAT MAN#i know him but we dont really !?!??!!? but we do but we dont !?!?!?!?#doing so much research for 1 chat please why am i like this#but ahah im trying I AM !!! You guys will find out if i got it or not when i post it 👍#hopefully it will be a nice surprise 👍 shaking while writing this btw 👍#its an cute lil idea i had but im also oh this is so far for endo how will i include him in this?! BUT I WANT THAT PROMPT NOW#and i want him now so LORD HELP ME ill get it trust trust#e.txt
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Hey I remember you mentioning playing through sonic adventure 2 and I don't know if you finished it yet but sega released a three episode series about shadow on their youtube for the new game and thought you might be interested because holy shit shadow is so cool in it
It does have some references to sonic adventure 2 and shadow the hedgehog but they're vague and don't really spoil anything but also... Shadow catches a missile with his bare hand and returns it to sender... That's dope as hell
That is true anon I'm surprised you remember!! I... Actually haven't played it in a good few months 😅 I think the last mission I did was the second tails one (it's the one where you chase the president's car) or else it was the one after?
I have been thinking about getting back into it once I've finished Echoes of Wisdom!
That episode series sounds really good though!! I love Shadow he's so cool... Throwing a missile back at the person who shot it is metal AF I agree
#asks#anonymous#im pleasantly surprised that u remembered btw :]#idk its small but its nice that people remember stuff. cant explain it#anyways that aside i do 100% plan to finish it i just dont control when 💀 my brain bro#its a fun game though!#ill probably check that out once ive finished or maybe if i think of it earlier#it sounds quite good i saw it mentioned in a server im in
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I'm on day 5 of migraine hell and I've just been in bed all day while it's been storming outside, and just when I start to feel (physically) okay, I get hit by Big Sad.
#Eli Speaks#it shouldn't really surprise me#ive been getting hit by these specific sad feelings a lot latelt#*lately#and idrk what to do with them#ive been meaning to talk to my therapist about this#but theres so much fucking context to get into#and just thinking about that feels overwhelming#mostly emotionally#but if i dont talk about it ill also explode#unfortunately i cant even really talk about it here#doesnt feel right#i wish i could talk to the people who know#but thats the problem#they dont want to talk to me#i couldve reached out before things got too bad#but its too late now#its been too late for 6 months#hell its prob been too late a lot longer than that#but thats when they finally said it was too much#and i get it#i fucked up#im willing to accept that this is the repercussions of me fucking up#and that they have every right not to want to talk to me or have me in their life#but idk where that leaves me really#ive been trying to better myself#i want to be a better person and better friend#but i also wish i couldve done better in the past#ill try not to dwell ill try to move forward ill try to be better for the friends i still have and the friends i may make in the future#i hope theyre doing well and are getting what they were looking for genuinely
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Seeing someone I follow post abt OC image counts and them showing clear favorites and now I wanna make a poast bc this is so funny to me always.
#ramblings#undescribed#i willllllll say i am so bad abt not getting art onto TH and was way worse abt it a few years back#so like. OK karl i know would still be in the lead by a long shot that sucker is 9 years old and has been consistently used aside from#like one kinda long hiatus. but if i actually went through the effort of uploading all of kaine's art i think it would also have a#gallery in the triple digits. idk if itd go that much past 100 but i used kaine a lot for a good while and theyre still my#most important human oc. kris should also have a larger gallery for similar reasons tho maybe not as big#SEA TOO sea was the sona i replaced karl with for a time b4 going back on that so she has a lot of art i havent archived properly#karls im being deadass i would not be surprised if it had 300-400 images its just hard to tell when i dont have a solid archive of stuff#like. 2017 and earlier. tho i do have my art off of our old desktop so thats something. its just unsorted#my final thing. im laughing my ass off that one of my gem ocs made this screenshot shout out to flame. my fucking Freak#this becomes worse when you know how many ocs i have in my toyhouse. its dire. i love collecting things thats all ill say
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Honestly since I��ve moved to this city a year ago I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been, I commute to work and get a lot of exercise on the job and rarely get fast food and eat healthier in general and I actually feel a lot stronger + I graduated physical therapy and my nerve problems are much more manageable and I haven’t had an IBS flare up since I’ve moved and I’m no longer insulin-resistant and the Red Cross complimented me on how my blood pressure and pulse and iron levels were perfect and idk it feels good to not have my body fighting me every step of the way!! And I genuinely can’t remember the last time I got sick I wear a mask out and about so that helps but I haven’t had a fever or like the flu or strep even though I used to get them like clockwork and yeah :)
#I’m still very much chronically ill I’ll always be narcoleptic but MAN#idk it feels nice#I don’t own a scale I only see my weight when I have a doctors appointment so it will be a surprise if it’s changed#not that I particularly care either way I didn’t do this to lose weight
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