#super mario sexy man

[playing-pig]

My drawing of sexy waluigi

[hyperfixatingonbowuigisohard]

So as you all know, I discovered Mr. L last night…

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH WTF

(I also love how this turned out omg)

[my-paper-mario-cringe-space]

Dimentio

Some information about them:

Name: Dimentio

Age: 30-40 yo

Gender: Non-Binary

Race: ??

Birthday: 8 November

Zodiac Sign: Scorpio

Allineament: Caotic Evil

Height: 1,62 m

Ability: teleport, space manipulation, invisibility, illusionary clones some type of magic missile or other attack spells

Like: Black humour, magic, writing, reading narrative books (horror especially), acting

Don't like: people, most part of the universe, when people don't listen to them or yell in their face

[colored-cloverfeilds]

I really do think that ONE hit the nail on the head when he made reigen. he's a conman. when things aren't going his way his immediate reaction is to beat the other person up and it somehow always works. he violates every working law immaginable. he is so unreasonably lucky for no reason. his best friends are an autistic middle schooler, an evil spirit and an ex-terrorist. he pays his workers pennies and is worried theyll join a union. he lives in a shitty one bedroom apartment. he gets drunk off of no alcohol. hes constantly surrounded by other autistic middle schoolers. he has no real, functioning adult friends. he has a license but hasn't used it in 10 years, and when he did use it, it was to take a bunch of kids to meet aliens. he's written his own biography. God hates him. his family hates him. he hates himself. and yet there's a psychic kid with a bowl cut who looks up to him with nothing but admiration. he throws salt at evil spirits and people if they annoy him. he would protect his students no matter what, and has almost died multiple times to help them. the only thing that makes him happy are dogs. in fact, he had a dog before, and it was eaten. he's canonically sexy and depressed, but also very, very ugly and sweaty. he's tried to shoot and kill a man not because he was super evil and trying to take over the world, but because he was hurting his kid.  he was told he would go to hell and couldn't care less. he met real aliens and all he could think about was how he was gonna pay his bills. he has god awful posture. he smokes cigarettes but never smokes in front of the kids. he wrote his will by age 29. all the animators wanna fuck him. he gets no bitches canonically. he's ONEs favorite character but he always makes him want to kill himself. he was doxxed. he was cancelled on Twitter. he entered a wack a mole competition and won 4th place. children make fun of him. he describes himself with having motherly love. no one likes him. everyone loves him. the anime designer draws him starting from his ass -> waist -> back because "it's like running your tongue over his body". his theme song sounds like a mario kart course track. he's so utterly pathetic.

plus he's just a genuinely good person and he's one of the best characters ONEs ever created??? genius.

[victoriadallonfan]

There's Shadiversity drama????

I just know him as the funny shout man complaining about back sheaths.

Oh you have no idea.

Dude is an absolute alt-right moron. He got upset his daughter enjoyed Princess Peach, because Princess Peach wore pants and wasn’t a damsel in the Super Mario movie.

He openly says that he doesn’t believe people of the same sex should be able to get married.

He follows Matt Walsh (open fascist and Nazi), and several other white supremacist/alt-right YouTubers/podcasters/comic writers (including that former Injustice artist who went on to work on the “Blacklist Comic Universe”… because he got banned from mainstream comics for being an asshole)

He openly believes that women are biologically inferior to men and that they should be satisfied with the “soft power” they have as “home makers” and not focus on politics or wanting more rights.

He wrote a book called “Shadow of the Conqueror” which has a Mary Sue Hitler/Stalin/Mao expy who is 90 years old be given a “sexy” 17 year old body and tries to romance one of his many rape victims (who was 14 when the MC raped her as an adult btw, which makes her 40 years old by the time of the story starts…) and then beats her up and mocks her when she realizes he’s her rapist… while also claiming he can’t die because being allowed to live and see how much he’s hurting her is “a punishment greater than death”) to him.

Also when he’s confronted by all his former rape victims, the MC notes that the ones who were REALLY upset were women who didn’t get pregnant from said rape. Also also, any woman who is raped and exposed to darkness in the setting turns into sex crazed succubi (only the women and only by men; men can’t be raped or molested, not even his son whom the MC kills by impaling anally with a broken piece of wood) . Not that you would notice because literally every single woman, especially the sexually abused ones, throw themselves at the MC to have sex with them

You know what, go watch this review of the book

Anyways, after the book came out and more and more people started to realize this book is awful, sexist, homophobic (guess how many times the MC calls his friend gay… even for things as simple as “hey do you want to just walk around town and enjoy the view?”), and rape apologetic, Shad then created a video where he decides to read only positive (some of them non verified book purchasers) recent reviewers but is not smart enough to edit out the negative reviews that he scrolls by, so you can pause the video and read the ones that point out how bad the book is.

He is just a stupid, petty, bigoted man

[moetrash]

Other RSV Spirit's Eve costumes ideas

Since it's October, and just over a year since the RSV seasonal outfits mod was released, I thought it'd be fun to share some of the costume ideas we didn't end up going with from our brainstorming doc. These ideas were ultimately passed over for a variety of reasons (already worn by a different npc, too real world-specific, liked a different option better, etc.), but still would've been great to see... soooo here you go!

(If a character isn't listed, that's just bc we didn't have any extra ideas for them. Also, in case you wanted a refresher, here's a list of the costumes we did end up going with! Also also, bc I can't help myself, I added in some ideas as I was making this post - those ones are in [brackets].)

aguar: doc brown/mad scientist

anton: running forrest gump, the dude, jack sparrow, [flynn rider]

ariah: wendy darling, elle woods, ruth bader ginsburg

bryle: peaky blinders gangster, aaron burr from hamilton, [top gun maverick]

carmen: cat in the hat, mike wazowski, oompa loompa, sasquatch

corine: lara croft

daia: [chun li]

faye: anything heidi klum has done for halloween bc she's extra like that

flor: gwen from ben10, human ariel (in the "kiss the girl" outfit)

ian: scottish highlander (a la jamie from outlander)

irene: retro carhop, carmen sandiego, bo peep, the house from up, coraline

jeric: [ups delivery man (but the sexy kind, a la legally blonde)]

june: roronoa zoro, kaneki ken/sasaki haise, [prince zuko], [jack skellington (but with makeup, not a mask)]

keahi: [sonic the hedgehog]

kiarra: ghostbuster (the kate mckinnon one), prince charming

kiwi: kutie krab from spongebob

lenny: beetlejuice, inflatable dinosaur, macho man randy savage

louie: prairie king, [buzz lightyear], [minecraft diamond armor]

maddie: handmaid's tale uniform, marie curie (then proceeds to get mad at everyone for not recognizing her costume)

maive: queen of hearts

pika: jason momoa's aquaman, sinbad (from the 2003 movie)

sean: the local ridgeside legend of the local kiwi fruit, [car dealership dancing air tube]

sonny: charlie chaplin, vincent van gogh

torts: stegosaurus

ysabelle: britney spears from "hit me baby one more time" or "oops i did it again"

anton and paula: [victor van dort and the corpse bride], [woody & jessie]

ariah and louie: [baseball uniforms from a league of their own]

corine and ysa: kim possible and shego, dionne and cher from clueless, [elphaba and glinda], [storm and mystique]

bryle and faye: captain america and black widow, [bonnie & clyde]

bryle and jeric: super troopers cop and reno! 911 lt. dangle cop (without a wig, so just slutty, basically)

faye and ysa: [anna and elsa], [poison ivy and harley quinn (from the animated series)]

freddie and lola: quasimodo and esmeralda

ian and sean: [shrek and donkey]

keahi and trinnie: sharkboy and lava girl, pokemon to match blair and sean (probably meowth and jigglypuff (trinnie insisted on being a cute pokemon even though jigglypuff's not part of team rocket))

kimpoi and malaya: easter bunny and tooth fairy, popeye and olive oyl

maddie, corine, and ysa: [sanderson sisters], [totally spies]

philip and shiro: [mario and luigi], [purple cobra and average joe uniforms (from dodgeball)], [dug and russell (from up)]

sean and blair: rock'em sock'em robots and they just beat each other up the whole time, [chuck and tiffany], [bluey and bingo], [thing 1 and thing 2]

sonny and irene: lumiere and mrs. potts (bc they're the help)

yuuma and naomi: [minions], [ash ketchum and a low-effort pikachu]

I'm curious to hear others' ideas too, so if you have any, feel free to share in the reblogs/replies! ^^

[lizaluvsthis]

SMG34 AND THE EPISODE REFERENCES

(For some reason-)

This was posted not so long time ago- its the episode- or movie-

10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY

Where smg3 and smg4 fell to the darkweb and is searching for a way to get out.

I KNEW IT! I KNEW THIS CLIP WAS FAMILIAR TO ME- I REMEMBERED IT ALL CLEAR NOW- I was like- "Didn't smg4 said this before?"

10 year anniversary

Wotfi 2023

I was like- dude... DUDEEEEEEEE D U D E

In the similarities comparing these two movies:

-in 10th year anniversary, the other darkweb dude came to them and told to know the governments secret to where smg4 says no.

But the dude kept pressing with a knife now pointing on smg4's telling him "I wasn't asking" and Smg3 tells the dude they'll watch it. (Giving him a coin) and after that- SMG4 is shocked that he actually saved him.

This was actually the first time we get to see this interaction with the two as Smg3 tells him he'd like to see him die otherwise. Coming to smg4 teasing him saying that he's a tsundere, being in denial. Smg3 calls him BAKA

●■

-in wotfi 2023 Smg4 is shown to have a dead end after failing his hacking skills, just to the time. Smg3 saves smg4's life by disguising himself as the watermelon man, scaring Mario to deactivate the security cameras.

Taking off the watermelon head after scaring them off, Smg4 is seen shocked again from the deja vu encounter. "You saved me..." again. But this time with smg3 not bothering much about it and goes on ahead.

----

Does anyone remember Leggy Toad?

This is also a used reference from 10 year anniversary and reused his leggy design to the movie: IT'S GOTTA BE PERFECT

When the choices from wotfi 2023 had the choices to do the sexy dance or let smg4 use his super hacking skills. This is also a used reference from an old episode "The day smg4 posted cringe"

The two knows how the hack since they ARE cosmetically linked with each other.

---

And finally-

SMG3's Gauntlet of Gloom reference to- cough- Snowtrapped-

COUGHHHH COUGHHH AHEM- SO UHH... SNOWTRAPPED IS POSTED 7 YEARS AGO THAN SMG3'S GAUNTLET OF GLOOM...

THEY MAYBE USED THIS... REFERENCE FOR SMG3'S INSULT...

AHEM....UMM BYE...

✌️💨

[giggly-squiggily]

Amazing, Showstopping, Glamorous Blue Lock Headcanons That Are Definitely True Ego Told Me So #1

Inspired by a friend and I yelling about Blue Lock lately. Some of these are yours, friend. Thank you for contributing to my madness :D

Don't now if I'm gonna make a part 2 but eh? We'll see where my next fever dream takes me.

Isagi un-ironically Naruto-ran throughout middle school. He thought it made him look cool and increased his speed. One day he was full blown running across the soccer field and took a heavy nose dive- breaking it. He stopped doing it after that.

Raichi's playlist is entirely made up of early 2000's/2010's pop hits. I'm talking Britney Spears, Destiny's Child, Ariana Grande, and his queen herself- Lady Gaga. Knows all the songs and dances and performs them at 2 am in the Blue Lock cafeteria when he thinks no one's up. Has been walked in on multiple times.

Chigiri has a very specific set of bookish characters that if their name is even referenced he will throw hands. You wanna see this soft spoken shy princess swear up a storm? Drop a name. "Hey Chigiri, who's Gale Hawthorne-" "Don't you ever speak that bastard's name in my presence again."

Kunigami loves All Might from My Hero Academia. He's not at the collector level Deku is in the show but he'll quote the Number 1 Hero ("Former-" "We don't talk about the other guy, Isagi. There's only All Might"). Only Isagi knows what he's saying; everyone else has heard "Plus Ultra" but doesn't really get it.

Bachira is a fantastic artist. He gets it from his momma and it shows! He likes to draw the monster a lot, but he has drawn everyone in the room at least once. Whenever he draws his friends, they'll have little decorations associated with them. (Kuni's got a cape, Chigiri's got a tiny crown, Isagi has his own monster.)

Nagi can do the worm. He does mainly when he's already on the floor and is too lazy to stand, so he just kinda wiggles over to wherever he needs to go. No one knows where he learned it but it's absolutely hilarious to watch.

Sae speaks fluid Spanish from his time in Spain. This comes very apparent after Shidou pissed him off so badly he chewed him out in it. The mentioned man finds it really sexy, even if Sae's calling him a "Colossal hemorrhoid I have the displeasure of having stuck up my ass."

Despite his love for Horror games/movies, Rin is beyond easy to jump scare. His argument is that in those settings he's prepared to get spooked. Bachira can be as silent as the wind when he wants to be, so accidental (and a lot of times intentional) spooks are common between them. ".......Hi Rin!" "FU-!"

Chigiri is a great singer but horrifically shy about it. He sings in the shower when he's sure no one is around. Most of the tunes he sings are ones his sister introduced him to- things like "Uptown Girl" and "Tiny Dancer"; but he knows a handful of newer ones. One time Bachira walked in on him. The dribbler told everyone he knew about it but Chigiri flat out refuses to sing in front of anyone so it's more a rumor.

Reo on the flip side is a horrible singer and refuses to believe anything otherwise. In his head, he is a god of vocals. In reality, he sounds like Toad from Super Mario getting tased in the balls. Nagi has learned the art of tuning him out, so he's no help in disproving Reo's false beliefs.

Gagamaru has been the resident bug catcher since the Blue Lock Spider Incident of 2018. He's the only one brave enough to gather them up in his hands and put them outside.

[think-a-madjick]

Mark my f#cking words!!

If Super Paper Mario would have been released in the 2010's Dimentio wouldn't just be a popular Tumblr sexy man but THE MOST POPULAR TUMBLR SEXY MAN IN NINTENDO™ AND VIDEOGAME HISTORY AND WOULD RESIDE IN THE HIGHEST PLACE IN PANTHEON OF TUMBLR SEXY MAN ALONGSIDE BILL CIPHER AND SANS UNDERTALE FORMING A HOLY TRINITY OF TUMBLR SEXYMAN!!!!

(also Count Bleck, O'Chuck and Mr. L would be Tumblr sexy men too and Nastasia would be incredibly popular in some parts of the internet.)

[tourneys-by-me]

Here is the Bracket!

Match ups were randomized this time so there might be a few coughing babies vs hydrogen bombs, sorry about that

If y’all have propaganda can you please tag it as #propaganda or send it to my inbox so I can see it

(vs template by TotallyNotIncina on DA)

[bracket under the cut]

Round 1 (A)

Sinbad - Magi: the labyrinth of magic vs Weiss Schnee - RWBY

Cure Magical/Riko Izayoi - Precure vs Lafcadio Boone - The Sexy Brutale

Beverly Toegold V - Not Another D&D Podcast vs Carol Malus Dienheim - Symphogear

Lucy Heartfilia - Fairy Tail vs Aaravos - The Dragon Prince

Cure Miracle/Mirai Asahina - Precure vs Traveler - Genshin Impact

God Serena - Fairy Tail vs Joker - Persona

Maruju - TearRing Saga vs Omnath - Magic: the Gathering

Isaac - Golden Sun vs Delsin Rowe - Infamous

Mega Man - Mega Man vs Lord Snicklefritz - Towertale

Kakashi Hatake - Naruto vs Hazel Levesque - Percy Jackson

Mage - Miitopia vs Gill - Street Fighter

Jason Grace - Percy Jackson vs Mario - Super Mario Bros.

Round 1 (B)

Honey Lemon - Big Hero 6 vs Daylon - Dislyte

Donald Duck - Kingdom Hearts vs Y'shtola Rhul - Final Fantasy

Zoya Nazyalensky - Grishaverse books vs Paula - Earthbound

Alina Starkov - Shadow and Bone vs Domingo - Shining Force

Nami - One Piece vs Alatreon - Monster Hunter

Kevin Kaslana - Honkai Impact 3rd vs Omnimon/Omegamon - Digimon

Erin Ruunaser - Aurora vs Percival King - Epithet Erased

Citan Uzuki - Xenogears vs Rōjūrō Ōtoribashi - Bleach

Wairuha - Bionicle vs Mirabelle Chevalier - In Stars And Time

Mr. 104 (John Dubrovny) - DC Comics vs Tlalocmon - Digimon

X - Mega Man vs Robin - Fire Emblem

Sora - Kingdom Hearts vs Sypha Belnades - Castlevania

Round 1 (C)

Carl, the Invoker - Dota 2 vs Eidolon - Worm (Wildbow's Parahumans)

Vince Reynolds - Super Powereds vs Ark - Terranigma

Camille Severin - Muted vs Skylor Chen - Ninjago

Doctor Coyle - ARMS vs Aang - Avatar: The Last Airbender

Clark Kent/Superman - DC Comics vs Magolor - Kirby

Cetrion - Mortal Kombat vs Siffrin - In Stars and Time

Elemental Hero Neos - Yu-Gi-Oh! vs Greencap - Lone Fungus

Castform - Pokemon vs Trisana Chandler - Emelan

Squall Leonhart - Final Fantasy vs Akamai - Bionicle

Rae Taylor - I'm in Love with the Villainess vs Kirby - Kirby

Korra - Legend of Korra vs Cassian - Villain to Kill

Silvally - Pokemon vs Tiamat - Dungeons and Dragons

Round 1 (D)

The Collector - Aurora vs Twinrova - The Legend of Zelda

MOON - Space Funeral vs The Mage - Magicka

Katarina Claes - My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom vs The Dragonborn - The Elder Scrolls

Chu Wanning - The Husky and His White Cat Shizun vs Zagreus - Hades

Teclis - Warhammer Fantasy vs Qiyana - League of Legends

Sasuke Uchiha - Naruto vs The Defect - Slay the Spire

Blackbeard - One Piece vs Ben Tennyson - Ben 10

Manaria Sousse - I'm in love with the villainess vs Koromaru - Persona

Link (BOTW and TOTK) - The Legend of Zelda vs Callum - The Dragon Prince

Patchouli Knowledge - Touhou vs Soren - Fire Emblem

Spring Man - ARMS vs Shouto Todoroki - My Hero Academia

Capricorn (Tristan and Byron Vera) - Worm (Wildbow's Parahumans) vs Dan Heng - Honkai Star Rail

[crimswnred]

these hc are so cute ! maybe what halloween costume the Li would wear individually and in a couples costume 💓💓💓

HI YES YES YES I LOVE THIS QUESTION

I'm so excited!! ok, ok, without any further ado:

what the season 2 lis would wear for halloween (individually and in a couple)

bobby.

individually: look me in the eye right now and tell me he wouldn't dress up as spider-man. especially now with the spider-verse movies.

couple: he's a silly guy so I'm thinking he could wear literally anything after a little convincing, but ultimately, I'm saying:

beast boy & raven or robin & starfire (teen titans)

scott pilgrim and ramona flowers (scott pilgrim vs the world)

shark boy and lava girl

this has gotten way too long!! pls check out more under the cut 👇

gary.

individually: most likely a star war reference. or something funny. definitely something tight

couple: again, another silly guy who would wear anything you ask him, but here are my picks:

han solo and princess leia (and he absolutely loves it)

bowser and peach, not mario tho because that's too basic

bob and helen parr (the incredibles)

ibrahim.

individually: violet man. ok, let's say violet man isn't a real thing (like, well, it isn't). he's DEFINITELY dressing as another superhero. my guess? either superman or batman.

couple: he's gonna rock the best geek couple costumes ever and he'll show off. together, you guys will either serve cunt or die trying. here are some ideas:

batman and catwoman (the batman)

wanda maximoff and vision (wandavison)

jean gray and scott summers (the x-men)

noah.

individually: he would probably wear something that's more halloween than costume party, if you get what i mean? he prolly loves the holiday 'cause of his siblings and REALLY commits to the bit. fred krueger, jason, chuck, ghost face...

couple: like I said, he commits to the bit and goes all the way but he's sticking to the horror pattern because that's how it should go. some ideas include:

emily and victor (corpse bride)

other mother and other father (coraline)

beetlejuice and lydia (yes, the red wedding dress)

lucas.

individually: something sexy but that he doesn't need to put much effort in, like a vampire or something. i can't see him going all out for halloween, i'm sorry 😭

couple: now, when in a couple, it's a tad different... he's making sure you look good together and when i say good, i mean GOOD. you guys would probably be the hottest couple at any halloween party, here are some ideas:

gomez and morticia addams (let's put that stache to use, shall we?)

mr and mrs smith

tony montana and elvira hancock (scarface)

henrik.

individually: TARZAN. and he loves wearing nothing but a thong the whole night.

couple: I bet on something fun and easy, but also cute! he just wanna have fun with you and party for a bit, so I don't think he would propose something super complex. some ideas:

johnny and mavis (hotel transylvania)

daphne and fred (scooby-doo)

lola and bugs bunny (space jam)

kassam.

individually: I'm thinking classic and boring. doesn't care much when he's on his own. classic halloween stuff.

couple: HEAR ME OUT — iconic moments from pop culture. what do I mean by that? well, I mean:

britney spears and justin timberlake in matching jeans outfits

xtina and eminem (at the ICONIC vmas)

sony and cher (like halsey did!)

carl.

individually: spock! a little on the nose for him but COME ON. he's always dressing up as a star trek character, switching up every year. I can see him wearing something marvel related too.

couple: yeah, some star trek reference for sure but since that's not my breed of nerd (sorry not sorry), I'm saying:

jessie and james (pokemon)

loki and sylvie (loki series)

link and zelda (the legend of zelda)

ahh!! this was so much fun to do!! thanks for asking, anon 💝 I had a blast with your question!!

(!) I don't know enough about the missing LIs to add them to this list. if you'd like to ask for a specific islander that didn't make the list, don't be afraid to drop your request in my inbox.

more headcanons.

[spicymalepolls]

Sexiest Monster Male Participants

Good Evening, below you'll find the list of the 32 sexy monster male participants we have for the tournament. The tournament start date is currently set for January 6th, 2025.

In the meantime feel free to submit missing information for participants such as character portrait, text propaganda, and SFW and/or NS/FW image propaganda in the form below. Each character will have what they may be missing in italics beside their name. If they are not already missing propaganda feel free to submit further propaganda for your favorite sexy monster male, every little bit helps!

I also ask that you let me know through the ask box of any corrections to the below participants. Wether it is to do with their names or media they originate from. Thank you!

Walter Strickler/Stricklander [Trollhunetrs: Tales of Acadia]

The B-Rabbit [Pandora Hearts]

Abe Sapien [Hellboy, 2004] Missing: Propaganda

The Arbiter (Thel 'Vadam) [Halo, Video Game Series] Missing: Text Propaganda

Black Frost [Persona series] Missing: Image Propaganda

Venom [Marvel Comics] Missing: Image Propaganda

Amphibian Man [The Shape of Water] Missing: Propaganda

Asterius [Hades, Video Game] Missing: Text Propaganda

Kar'niss [Baldur's Gate 3] Missing: Image Propaganda

The Creature [Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus] Missing: Image propaganda

Mara [Persona 5] Missing: Image Propaganda

SCP-049 [SCP Foundation] Missing: Text Propaganda

Igor [Discworld] Missing: Character Portrait, Propaganda

Vrtra [Final Fantasy XIV] Missing: Image Propaganda

Ryōmen Sukuna [Jujutsu Kaisen]

Rykard, Lord of Blasphemy [Elden Ring] Missing: Image Propaganda

Beast [Beauty and the Beast] Missing: Image Propaganda

Reese Kelly [Scarlet Hollow] Missing: Text Propaganda

Tora [Ushio and Tora]

Max Jägerman [Nerdy Prudes Must Die] Missing: Propaganda

Bowser [Super Mario Series] Missing: Propaganda

Angor Rot [Trollhunters: Tales of Arcadia]

Bernard Mettle [OK K.O.!] Missing: Text Propaganda

Daniel Arlington [Alex Stern series] Missing: character portrait

Hellboy [Hellboy,2004] Missing: Propaganda

The Raven [Pandora Hearts]

Pyotr [Hunter: the Parenting] Missing: Image Propaganda

King Shark (Nanaue) [Harley Quinn Animated Series] Missing: Propaganda

Cragalanche [Kid Icarus Uprising] Missing: Image Propaganda

Asmodeus [Helluva Boss] Missing: Text Propaganda

Elim Garak [Star Trek: Deep Space 9] Missing: Propaganda

The Minotaur (Asterion) [Greek Mythology] Missing: Text Propaganda

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Bowser

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Most of the time, saying a character needs no introduction is a bit of an exaggeration, because there is always the chance, however slim, that someone has not heard of that character. That’s not the case here, though; you could go to the deepest, most isolated jungle tribe on Earth, ask the villagers if they’ve heard of Mario, and they’ll all start singing out the Mario theme music. With that in mind, today’s subject absolutely needs no introduction, but out of respect for the King of Koopas I’ll give him one anyway: This is Bowser.

Bowser is not simply a video game villain. Bowser is THE video game villain. Like Mario, Peach, and Luigi, this big old turtle is pretty much a household name, loved far and wide for his iconic design, simple yet effective boss battles, and his inexplicable yet somehow still understandable sexiness. The question is, can I make it through this review without making some sort of crude comment about the raw sexuality the King of Koopas exudes? Lets find out!

Motivation/Goals: Bowser from day one has always been a pretty simple man. All he wants in life is those peaches, peaches, peaches… And I mean, really, can you blame him?

Yes, his motivations and goals are pretty simple and shallow, but he always manages to make something as trite as rescuing a damsel in distress fun and refreshing. His strict adherence to basic formula leaves a lot of room for mixing things up though, and this same adherence makes the times when he breaks tradition and does something like fight on Mario’s side all the better. And sometimes it’s clear Bowser just wants to relax and fuck around by karting, playing board games, or competing in some sort of sport.

It’s a fun little twist on that old “Knight rescues a princess from a dragon,” except the dragon is a giant turtle and the knight is an Italian plumber (a more powerful force than any knight could hope to be). Of course, the fact Bowser is incredibly obsessed with a woman despite her wanting nothing to do with him means that Bowser is—you guessed it—a

Performance: Hoo boy, are there a lot of Bowser voice actors.

The cartoons used Harvey Atkins, who delivered a fun and cartoonish take on Bowser; Marc Graue voiced him in Hotel Mario, but this isn’t shocking as he was basically every male character in that game; Peter Cullen technically voiced him from 1996 to 2006 due to archival roars he provided for the 1976 remake of King Kong being repurposed for Bowser’s own roars; Charles Martinet provided his iconic evil laughs for 64; Kenny James is his current voice actor; Jack Black turned in a very against type performance in the Illumination movie; and Dennis Hopper of all people portrayed him in the live action film from the 90s. And these are just the ones I wanted to highlight! There are a few English voice actors I skipped as well as his extensive Japanese voice cast! Here’s the complete list, just so I’m not here all day:

The point I’m trying to make is this: Bowser’s iconic status is completely a group effort, and each of these dudes helped contribute to Bowser’s status in our hearts and minds in their own unique ways.

Final Fate: It really depends on the game or movie or whatever, but he is always defeated by Mario at any rate. Sometimes he’s simply defeated and sent on his way; sometimes he’s captured and imprisoned, like in the animated movie; and sometimes he just fucking dies, like in the live action movie and New Super Mario Bros. Don’t worry, he gets better.

Best Scene: Bowser in the earlier games had rather simple boss fights, though they weren’t completely unmemorable. Still, out of his early days it’s hard to deny his epic battle against Yoshi in the finale of Yoshi’s Island, where his child self is grown to gargantuan size and ominously lumbers towards you from the background while a hardcore boss tune blasts through your speakers, is the peak of his NES/SNES days.

Then we have his early forays into 3D, and it’s inarguable that the boss fights he has against Mario in the timeless classic Super Mario 64 are some of his best, even if they are rather simplistic. I mean, this is where we got “So long, Gay Bowser!” from, can you really deny its place in Mario history? And those are just a couple! We could probably sit here all day talking about his great battles in games like Odyssey, New Super Mario Bros, Galaxy, and so on.

Bowser’s most impressive showing outside of the games is The Super Mario Bros. Movie. The initial teaser for the film, which showcased his opening fight against the penguin kingdom, really helps establish Bowser as the threat he is, and the final battle and the wedding scene in the movie are some of his greatest villain moments to date. But I’m going to be cliché and give the spotlight to his villain song, “Peaches.”

Here’s the thing, though: As a song, “Peaches” kind of sucks. It’s just Jack Black saying “Peaches” fifty times in a row and then making Jack Black noises. But that’s also what makes it so genuinely great; in the hands of a lesser actor/musician, this really would just be the dumbest shit imaginable, but in the hamtastic hands of Jack Black the song has become an instant legend. I think the visuals and the beautiful piano playing really help, not to mention the official music video where JB dresses up as Bowser and tosses peaches around. Lyrically it’s nothing to write home about, but man does the performance really sell it.

Oh yeah and there’s this too:

Final Thoughts & Score

It is near impossible to overstate how iconic, important, and downright awesome Bowser is.

Like, this guy is the final boss. He pretty much codified what that means in terms of video games, being one of the first iconic big bads of gaming and the first adversary a lot of gamers fought. It’s kind of hard to believe today, but the original Mario games were genuinely some of the most groundbreaking games of all time, and the only reason it’s hard to believe is because video games have been building off the groundwork they laid down back in the 80s. Bowser is no exception; every single video game villain, especially platformer villains, owes a debt of gratitude to the king of the Koopas.

I think part of the reason Bowser has managed to survive and thrive through console generation after console generation is because he, much like the rest of the core Mario cast, is extremely versatile as a character and can slip into any situation with relative ease. He can be an evil overlord, a bratty child, a loving father, a kart racer, an Olympic champion, a platform fighter combatant, the owner of a Coney Island disco palace, a giant skeleton, a board game player, it doesn’t matter! Bowser can do it all! He can be a goofy, bumbling comedy villain or he can be a galaxy-destroying threat that would make Thanos shit himself, he has range like you wouldn’t believe!

It helps that both times he has shown up in a movie he has managed to be a scene-stealing smorgasbord of ham and cheese. Dennis Hopper’s madcap, in-it-for-the-money-but-not-half-assing-it performance in the live action film is so delightfully over the top that he manages to make the mere act of saying “Monkey” and “Bob-Omb” memorable and meme-worthy. While he’s a bit far off from what you’d totally want from Bowser, and his saurian form gets relegated to a two second cameo before his death, it’s hard for me to really give him less than a solid 7/10. He’s just too damn fun.

Meanwhile, Jack Black delivered a performance so good that it makes it easy to overlook the many problems the movie has (like its terrible needle drops). He’s just so fun, funny, and even genuinely intimidating, perfectly mixing all of the traits that make people love Bowser into one big, juicy package. I think everyone knew this was going to be a 10/10 performance right from the moment it was announced, but still it was pretty impressive just how well Black was able to slip into Bowser to the point he was almost unrecognizable at times.

No one would argue that Bowser deserves less than an 11/10; he is genuinely one of the single most important characters of the 21st century, and has made a mark on gaming that very few villains could match. He is to final bosses what Dracula is to vampires, what the Wicked Witch is to witches, and what Fu Manchu is to racist caricatures of Asian people. Other villains have more depth and complexity than Bowser, but that doesn’t really matter when he kidnaps Peach for the thousandth time and throws an army of freaky mushroom men and crazy turtles at you, because you’re gonna be there helping Mario stomp those Goombas to get to him. Bowser is just an icon, and his place in video game history is absolutely, utterly gargantuan.

JUST LIKE HIS DICK!

[dolphs-world]

Polar Pass ~ Finally, the Ideal Roster

Excluding what I have already discussed, there are 16 characters I would change. Starting with 3rd party characters and the Ultimate DLC: Crash/Cortex for (and Coco/Nina because I got rid of Chrom because I got rid of Roy) Pyra/Mythra and Rayman for Min Min. I have already gone over these characters but I'll add some more points. We already had Shulk representing Xenoblade, we did not need more. No one cares about Arms and replacing Min Min with Rayman makes a lot of sense due to reach of their limbs. Throughout this list a lot of replacements are going to be with some similar (and also a lot won't be). For other 3rd party reps I have taken out all of the Mii fighters. The Mii fighters are lame and the Wii series of games was already represented by Wii Fit Trainer, who is a character I don't like to play as but is a very unique addition to the roster. Instead I put in Professor Layton and Bomberman, because I love Professor Layton and I love my friend who suggested Bomberman, and Raiden. Not from Mortal Kombat, although another good choice, but from MGS. MGS kicks ass and I think a tactical super soldier guerilla warfare guy works against a robotic ninja. There needs to be more unique weapon based characters in Smash like spearmen, bombers, and cybernetic ninjas. Raiden is the second most unique character and star of his own game and that's why he's in. For Pokemon: Gardevoir for Jigglypuff, Smeargle for Pichu, and Oshawott for Roy (haha). You can keep Mewtwo, I understand how important they and that first Gen of Pokemon are. Keeping along with replacing Melee characters, Eggplant Man for Dr. Mario and Krystal for Falco. Capitalising on the Mario Movie and the fact that Wrecking Crew already has a stage in smash, and is much better than all the other one off games on NES, is why Eggplant Man is in. Krystal has an ice spear and Falco is mean. Fox, Krystal, and especially Wolf are also way more sexy than Falco. Last two 3rd party reps: Tetris for Isabelle and Eggman for Bowser Jr. . I'm sorry, Isabelle is still lame and Tetris is the best selling game. I do not have to defend myself here. Eggman? Why him above the rest? Simple, everyone else is too much like Sonic. Same thing with MGS, why put in The Boss or Liquid Snake when Raiden is really unique? Tails, Knuckles, Shadow? Too much like Sonic. Eggman is the most distinct and a good replacement for Bowser Jr. who relys on tech. Also, despite making up a lot of villains in platformers, there's not a single mad scientist in Smash (except for Cortex now but shhh). It's Eggman! Now, I'm sorry Mario/Yoshi/Wario, I'm sorry Metroid, I'm sorry Pikmin. No new reps for you. Paper Mario, Shy Guy, Ashley, Chozo, Bulborb. All great choices, the honourable mentions, but I don't think anyone else deserves more reps as bad as Zelda. Darunia for Young Link, Midna for Toon Link, Hestu for Robin, and Tingle for Corrin. Hey, did you know, FE has only sold twice as much as Pikmin? Did you know FE's best selling game has sold a comparable amount to the best selling Pikmin game? I understand, numbers isn't causal to influence and Metroid has similar sales to FE. But 6 is too many. Zelda deserves them WAY more. But why these characters? They are a good representation of species or beloved or really weird. Gorons and Koroks are really cool and show how much more there is to Zelda than elves and a Captain Falcon Clone. Midna is the best companion in any Zelda game. And Tingle is Tingle! There you have it, a roster that gives Zelda and Pokemon its do credits, has very a reasonable amount of 3rd party reps, gives a little more to MGS and Sonic, and shows off a more interesting side of Nintendo's history. The Ultimate Showdown.

[kirbykonka]

Male Authors Challenge:

TRY NOT TO

-Write a female character whose backstory includes SA/r*pe

-Write a male character who is comfortable/effortlessly achieves in the impossible standards set by toxic masculinity

-Write a man who has no support network and is fine

-Do the "born sexy yesterday trope"/ infantilize women, ESPECIALLY NOT YOUNG GIRLS

-Objectify women or have every woman be a virgin

-Write a seemingly ace-spec woman who "doesn't need love" but by the end of the story she's in love with some perfect, incredibly masculine guy (looking at action-adventure writers)

-Have every romance be a heteronormative one where the guy is cis straight and super masculine and the woman is super feminine, like tomboys exist (AND NOT THE PICK ME/MANIC PIXIE DREAM GIRL PLSSS)

-Have every man and woman end up feeling romantically attracted to one another... friendship exists

-Have women be weak/ need to be protected.

Tolkien did it, CS Lewis did it, Mario Puzo did it, EVEN THE ANCIENT GREEKS DID IT. YOU CAN DO IT TOO. I BELIEVE IN YOU