#sun thoughts

[eternal-sunflowers]

i don't think that people really understand how mentally fucking draining it is to live with chronic illness. like, people talk about it a lot, sure. but i feel like it is constantly kind of a shrugged off thing that people don't understand the weight off.

how exhausting it is to have your body not be able to do things, while your brain carries on as if it can.

how exhausting and painful it is to try to do things and not fully be accommodated for your needs.

how exhausting goddamn brain fog is. it gets me every day it feels like and i'm still surprised.

how exhausting and frustrating it is to be ill and to think you're having a good day, but SURPRISE, here's a flare, or a bunch of symptoms, or whatever, and now you're in pain and can't do anything. you can't make the pain stop. you just have to feel it.

how exhausting it is to know that nothing will take the pain away. that you literally just have to live with it. and that people won't get it. they won't understand that you are constantly in pain, all the time, and just have to act like you aren't.

how exhausting it is to be exhausted. the fatigue is awful. it just catches me and i can't do anything. i can't move or speak or anything. i just have to exist in it.

it's so annoying and exhausting to see my body give up and to know that i can't really do anything to stop it or cure it. it's so exhausting. it makes me want to cry constantly. i feel so tired and worn down and angry and depressed.

and yet, i have to continue on, like a normal functioning member of society. i have people look at me like an imposition. i see people talk down on chronically ill or disabled people online all the time and complain about us ruining society or taking away resources or whatever the fuck bullshit.

and it makes me feel so shitty that society perceives my only worth as my physical ability to contribute to a fucked up system.

and yet, we carry on, day after day, in hopes it will get better.

[swordofthesanguine]

not to be basic but i want so badly to be pinned down by big heavy paws and forced to take a thick werewolf knot wayyyy deeper than my cunt can handle it so the tip pushes uncomfortably deep against my cervix and bulges my stomach as the beast grinds casually inside me until it cums and cums and cums hot thick wolf semen as deep as it can, keeping me trapped on its knot as it huffs hot breaths against my throat, teeth threatening to tear through the sensitive skin as it growls about knocking me up with a huge litter of pups and keeping me as its breeding pet forever

[genderless-sun]

This could totally be nothing. But I keep thinking about how at the start of the children’s campaign suvi describes her favorite color as red but at the end when Ame asks her favorite color she says it’s lilac and to me it’s feels like a reflection of a suvi who’s missing her home b/c lilac is a combination of red and blue and like I associate blue with the citadel but like it could also be nothing but like the citadel and blue being like a conformity thing later on idk I’m rambling

[canisalbus]

✦ Fashionably late ✦

[eternal-sunflowers]

i get how self diagnosing can be harmful.

but, you know what's just as, and sometimes more, harmful?

not educating yourself on your symptoms and what they could relate to.

one of the best things you can do is educate yourself in every sense of the word. people used to die from very simple illnesses. that's much less likely now because of the developments of modern medicine. and now we have massive amounts of education to sift through to understand illnesses and symptoms better.

plus, the more educated you are on your own symptoms and your body and how those things work together and what that could mean, the more likely you are to help yourself toward an actual diagnosis.

it also helps you identify bullshit doctors so much more easily.

i'll never get over a nurse telling me that the pain i was experiencing was not, in fact, caused by my back and was in no way related to my back and was not back pain.

i have literal bone fractures and a slipped disk and spinal canal narrowing.

so, yeah.

sometimes, you will be faced with shitty doctors and nurses and medical professionals. people who will dismiss you and tell you it's all in your head. or to lose weight and you'll get better. or to drink water and do yoga. etc. etc. etc.

but, if you educate yourself, go in prepared with questions and show them your symptoms -- it can really, truly help you in getting the care you need. refusal to back down.

it's so fucking hard to be chronically ill. to meet so many medical professionals who dismiss your pain. but, the more you know your pain and what it causes and relates to, the more likely you are to get some care. it hurts a lot. and it doesn't always work. but it also helps you know when you're being bullshited by the docs.

plus, because medical care is so goddamn expensive, having some idea of what you might have can help you make tiny adjustments in your daily life to help make it easier. i thought i had fibro for years, but didn't believe i'd get diagnosed. i did. and it put a lot in perspective for me. that i could have been altering the care i took of myself drastically for years, but didn't. and i knew already what fibro meant. i had studied and read and knew the symptoms. so the talk with the doc went really really well and it helped solidify that learning.

so, yeah. learning is good. educating is good. self-diagnosing can be a helpful tool on the path to receiving proper medical care. it's an asset. the internet is a goddamn saving grace. do good research. scrutinize your sources. engage in communities that focus on the illnesses. tumblr and reddit are good for that.

whatever you do, don't give up. you deserve to be taken care of. you deserve to exist. you deserve to be free of pain.

you deserve to be heard.

being anti-self diagnoses baffles me, people who are diagnosed usually understand that it’s expensive to go through that testing. I also CANT do every test I want right now, but they act like we aren’t trying to go to a doctor whenever we can. I believe I have chronic sciatica and possibly fibromyalgia (I get it, throwaway diagnoses apparently but it matches with me well), but if two doctors told me differently I’d go “okay!”.

[tojisun]

imagine travelling for your job and coming home to simon (big and beautiful and mia-for-two-months simon) holding your cat up like one would carry a baby. they’re standing by the balcony door in your living room, watching the people who are walking by.

“uhm,” you begin, shocked and exhausted. “what…”

simon turns just enough to meet your eyes. “m’teaching sasha how to be observant. little girl didn’t even blink when i walked in.”

“you don’t have keys to my place.” you lick at your chapped lips. “you shouldn’t have keys to my place.”

“i know,” he grunts, adjusting his hold on her. sasha just plops her head on his chest again, her tail slowly swaying behind her and her big eyes slow blinking at you.

you give her your own slow blink and you wish you could pick her up from simon’s arms but—and here’s the issue—you still don’t understand why he is here. why is he back?

“did you break into my home?” you finally ask, quiet and anxious.

simon just sniffs, patting sasha’s rear, and looks away. sasha lets out a purr.

“simon—!?”

[theproblemsofdonhi]

Big Luffy finds a weird looking cat.

[eternal-sunflowers]

Delete Ya just dropped. I am not normal about this.

I cannot wait for the whole album!!!! I'm so excited. This is so so soo good. His music just consistently so fucking good. It's the vibe I've loved for years. I was super into alt-J as a teen and got into more spacey vibes and mellow tones and indie vibes and the lyrics and everything.

I love the vibes on this one. Reminds me of his mellow vibes from his past albums. His voice works so well on it. It's so smooth.

Someone pls come talk to me about this!!!!

[swordofthesanguine]

hmm. vampire drinking your blood only for you to immediately feel their skin flush red and their cock harden against your skin. your life force visibly running through every inch of their body, the sudden heat making them a horny, flustered mess. them fucking a load of their cum into you to give you a different sort of "life force" in exchange for your blood. when.

[genderless-sun]

See I choose to go back and listen to the children’s adventure and arc 1 of WWW instead of starting arc 2 b/c I’m busy doing student teaching but like damn I could write a short paper on an analysis of Suvi but idk if I can write and conduct my thesis project on bringing joy and identity into the classroom. If only I could teach dnd to my 2nd graders 🤪😅

[kosmogrl]

[soaked-doors]

pov the reaper that’s dragging away your boyfriends soul says something so freedomphobic you hit his corpse with the nika stare

[rendevok]

Act I ~ The Prince

A tapestry for Let No One Sleep by @azalawa-scroggs on ao3

[slimsnipes]

sniper as a young and older man

demoman as a young and older man

[daughter-s-of-cain]