#summarized answer btw

[superm4ks]

scared isn’t the right word for it but this season is truly giving changing of the guard like it’s no longer just max whose being foxy with it. - just a girl who hates change

I mean I get u as a Max fan the rb20 does not give me the confidence that rb19 did, not at all, even tho by all means and ik it doesn't look like it, but it IS an evolution of the project, and u can c it how Max is able to put together laps in some of f1s tightest quali sessions in recent memory, like I c the vision, I think maybe the design itself has hit somewhat of a plateau and everybody else is catching up. Thats like what's supposed to happen. It shud have happened sooner ‼️ but when u have powerhouses like Merc and Ferrari in their flop era it makes sense it took 2 years because Mclaren wasn't ready either. They left Verstappen alone at the front wid a moody, razor sharp car that needs some special neurodivergent attention, bro will be putting bitches into comas for 2 seasons because that's the Schumi, Hamilton special and those are his peers. So if u are getting that lil feeling in ur tummy throughout a grand prix for the first time in a while and u don't like it .. like I wanna tell u rn baddie. for both our sakes... Max Verstappen will always be foxy wid it. Whtvr change ur about to witness he wont be a passive bystander. Do yk what we saw in Imola? Like do u really know. On Saturday Max went out there wid a crooked setup and no quali sim. He had one chance to nail the tow and put together a good enough lap and keep rbr alive. He did. Not the car, him. That frankenstein setup that they created had no information on the hardest compound either. On Sunday Max created the gap at the start by once again nailing his launch and squeezing the blood of Jesus out of those mediums in the first stint, and he got a black and white flag in the process. He was on the limit because he had to be. Again, they had no idea how the hards wud perform. When later on the tires dropped out of temperature, its also a black and white situation. Once it happens theres no going back. The tires lose pressure, car becomes slower, cant turn as well. In the final laps Lando never managed to get into drs detention because 1) Max was surgical in how and where he chose to empty his battery and try to keep his car afloat against a faster car 2) right before drs detention he braked early which forced Lando to do the same and ruined his momentum. He did this so effectively he managed to actually gain a lil bit before the gap dropped to less than a second. With track limits, on dead tires. Mind u, none of this is the car. Its never been the car. The car is what Max makes of it, always has been. Max's dominance has been used to discredit his worth as a driver when the whole point is that its only been as dominant, as mind numbing, as historical, because its him. He's also a girl who hates change and trust that if nothing else, if not the car, if not the team, he will put his thumb on the scale

[jadequarze]

birdwives!!! domestic 1. - who proposes (and how??)

Domestic [bird wives]

This is a long one jsyk

If they get married, who proposes? (Bonus: How)

They proposed at the same time, with the help from their critter friends who are done with their hopelessness.

From the previous ask, I did mention these two having an intense rivalry since childhood and keeps trying to one-up each other. Cue to the time before they propose, they still try to one up each other. With that many attempts, so many failed attempts of them proposing each other, much to their dismay.

Until one day. These two were having a casual fly over (totally not planning of how to propose). They were heading for their favorite spot. Feeling the breeze as they fly there, they think to themselves, "Maybe this is it. Maybe today's the day." They reached their spot and each telling the other, they need to fetch something. You see, their favorite spot are surrounded by wildflowers. So, they figure they'll pick their partner's favorite flowers and hide another gift in the bouquet. They asked their critter friends to subtly place these flowers at a specific spot. Which little did they know, their small friends are tired of these two having to dance around and one-upping each other. So, they collectively worked together and make it a surprise for these two.

Evening comes, stars starts to appear and they've returned from their slight detour. To their absolute surprise (and embarrassment), this beautiful landscape of freshly-picked flowers, delicately placed by their critter friends. In the midst of this landscape, a spot was reserved, weirdly enough for these two to lie down and gaze at the stars. So, they did and it was quiet. A comfortable silence as they lay down next to each other, not a thought of wanting to challenge who can make the most unforgettable proposal. Just the warmth of their body, snuggling close and whispering about anything and nothing. As they were chatting, they each felt a weight and looks at their empty hand, a small box. They forgot about it. Instead of making a grand gesture, they turn towards each other and opens the box they've bought. In these two boxes, each containing a long gold chain respectively, one have a ruby gem and the other have an emerald gem. They whisper their vows in this perfect evening. A silent sigh of finality from their critter friends that these two are done one-upping each other (or so they hope)

[mantisgodsdomain]

Milk and Green Apple for Penelope

(for this ask game)

Since we haven't introduced Penelope yet, as is standard, we'll do a quick write-up here. Penelope is a Galápagos fur seal (Arctocephalus galapagoensis). She's an accountant who works at a bank located in a tundra which primarily caters towards terrestrial animals. Though she doesn't particularly like her job, and initially picked this posting because it was the best option available to her during her CPA experience program, she sort of... got stuck.

Finding work is difficult. She was lucky enough to get rehired by the same branch after finishing her work experience program, but she can't really find anywhere else willing to hire her right now, and her branch is hesitant to let her go, considering that she's one of the most competent people available to her department. She can't really quit, but she can't really move forward, either, so she's sort of... stuck in limbo.

She's well-paid enough that she can live relatively comfortably, but she was at least partially a diversity hire to begin with, and the place she lives in now just plain isn't made for her. She's an aquatic species in a relatively dry area, and most of the species that her branch caters to are smaller prey species - hares, kea, and lemmings, and the occasional arctic fox. Most of the infrastructure is built for people half her size or more, and being an aquatic species, she's not really built to be living terrestrially 24/7 - wearing glasses is all well and good until your prescription breaks and the best replacement pair you can find is built for a stoat, and sure, she can afford a doctor if anything comes up, but no one in her area would really know much about her species, and can she really afford the time and effort added to the expenses of flying to somewhere else entirely just to see a specialist?

As is, she feels just... stuck. She handles it, mostly, with a mix of "gritting her teeth and bearing it" and "heading out to a nearby city which actually has infrastructure for anything bigger than a fox". She sort of has to make a Day of it every time she travels out, but it's better than staying in the same town all day, and paying a bit extra for a night out isn't *too* bad, all things considered. The situation, as is, is perfectly fine. She just... wishes that she could make something of her life beyond being stagnant in a town that she expected to just be a stop in the road.

🥛 [MILK] What is your OC's relationship with their biological parents like? What about their relationship with any non-biological parental figures?

Well... it's complicated. She doesn't have a bad relationship with them, per se, but it's a bit distant - she moved to an entirely different part of the world to take this job, and most of her communication with family members is by video call and similar things as a result. She cares for her family, and she wouldn't trade them for the world, really - but they expect a lot from her, and she's been stuck at the same place long enough that she's not sure she can live up to it.

Penelope sits in the awkward sort of space where she was academically successful, but that success didn't really transfer to almost anything else. She's got a job, she's good at it, she's got a degree - but she still can't get a job besides the one she's been stuck in for years already, and "still working at the same bank" isn't the sort of thing that feels good to say, especially when you've been in the same place for far longer than you've ever wanted to be.

Her parents love her. Her mother still holds out faith that she'll get that one promotion - just a few more years and you'll get your big break, just a bit more work and they'll notice how industrious you are, just a tiny bit more effort and you'll get a better position - but you can only believe something so much when you feel like you've been stuck in the same rut for so long. There's only so much you can hear about how you have so much potential before you start feeling like you're wasting yourself, and at this point... having the same things repeated starts feeling a bit like every day she doesn't get that break is a day she's wasting her potential.

She does not currently have any non-biological parental figures. Probably a bit late in her life to get one, but who knows at this point, honestly?

🍏 [GREEN APPLE] How do they differ from the norm and how are they punished for it?

...there's a lot.

Though her workplace tried to provide accomodations when she first arrived, it's been more than eight years, and nowadays she has to do most of her accomodation herself. Her eyes aren't really made to focus above water, she's got a very different body plan than most people at the branch, she's a predator big enough to make most of the other folks in her branch a bit instinctually nervous, and being one of the only seals that most people know means that she's been re-introduced to the same three harbor seals entirely too many times by now.

People don't really make chairs for people with tails the size of their bodies around here, which means that chair backs that accomodate her are generally a matter of either custom order or hoping that she's going somewhere that's dealt with one of the other half-dozen folks with the same needs.

Penelope is, fundamentally, Not From Around Here. She's not a species that's found around here, she's not a species that's especially adapted for here, and despite being a seal that's only around a metre long she still towers over most of the people at her branch. The closest person to her size is an arctic fox in the tax department, and he still doesn't really have the same sort of experience as her. She doesn't fit The Norm, pretty much in any way, and it... really, really shows.

[if-loki-was-a-fox-reblogs]

I don't have a lot of time to work on this 'cus I'm on the bus heading to school rn, but lemme try and at least mention a few:

So for fansongs there is course CG5 and Derivakat who I think are both pretty well known, but there's also others I enjoy like Precious Jewel Armor, Knights of Endale, Amanda Fagan, and many many others (there's like hundreds of fansongs if you want to try and look for them)

For animatics/animations/etc there's obviously SAD-ist and also WolfyTheWitch, beyond that idk who's popular but scrolling through my favorite animatics lists I'm seeing LocalWheel, Ambrose Moon, RustyCourage, Casserole :D, Heishi_Keki (tho that's on more the meme side of things), and Zukarinkani. Also just gonna link this animatic in particular because it's just dang cool.

For fanart there's WolfyTheWitch again but currently drawing a blank on anyone else 'cus my brain sucks ;-;

Anyways, all heavily biased towards the DSMP side, but that's all I really have time for, so hopefully someone else has more/better input :)

Hey mcytblr! I currently have the wild opportunity to pitch an art exhibition to an actual real gallery with whatever theme I want as part of my intro to curatorial studies class this semester.

My plan is to put together a pitch for an mcyt fanart exhibition, with the goal to show that the genre is just as valid in the art world as traditional fine arts. I'm currently very early in the process, and am working on selecting which artists I want to reach out to to ask to include their work in this theoretical exhibition. However, of course, the community is huge and there's bound to be hundreds of artists here I've never even heard of! Especially those making fanart of series I don't watch. So here's where I'm asking for help from the community at large! Please reblog this post with the names of mcyt artists whose work you enjoy, with a link to either their portfolio or art tag! Feel free to link your own stuff as well!

[braceletofteeth]

saw some evilive gifs on my dash thanks to you and started watching it! so thanks!!!

i'm really enjoying it so far, only about halfway through though. i feel like it's going to get better for the guy and his family and then it's all going to come tumbling down :/ i'm looking forward to it though!

Woah, that was fast!!! I'm only halfway through myself, so you may even finish it before me! (though in my case, I'm watching it with my brother, so the number of episodes we can watch a day depends on both our schedules :/)

And you're welcome! I first heard of it through tumblr posts too, so I'm glad I can now also spread the word for more people to know of it 😄

I've seen some things about the ending/where the plot is headed, but I don't know the context or how the characters get there, so I might as well don't know anything 😅 But I do have the feeling that even if there is a "happy" ending, it will come at a high price. I'm especially looking forward to see how all he has been doing will affect Dongsoo, and what kind of person he will be by the end of this.

For now, I'm honestly just having a good time, and it makes me happy you're also enjoying yourself <3

See you o/

[nkjemisin]

Hello NK Jemisin! I'm a huge fan of yours, and I wanted to thank you for writing all of the books you've written, and doing all that you do. You're really awesome and you are doing important work! :) I had a long question, if you have time to answer! What's your commentary on creating fantasy cultures, using real ones as inspiration? You've done this before in your stories, and I wanted to know if you had any guidance on doing it well. I'm writing my first novel right now (fantasy!) and am dealing with a surprising amount of guilt regarding using real cultures as a basis for my fake ones. On one hand, I want to create a really unique fantasy world, not the bog-standard European stuff. It's not only more interesting to me, but I also admittedly want to use my story to help introduce people to concepts that might be helpful in the real world, help readers understand what these real people go through and perhaps inspire change. On the OTHER hand, I don't know if it's 'my place' to do so (I'm Black btw, but I'm not just writing about Black-coded fantasy characters). And I'm worried about representing people in a harmful way, even if it's by accident. I'm even hung up about names! Should I use names from real languages related to the cultures I'm inspired by, or should I just make them up to emphasize that, while yes these people are clearly inspired by real cultures, they are ultimately *their own* thing. I'm really conflicted on this and am hoping you can offer some feedback and/or commentary. Sorry for the long ask. Either way, have a great day and I look forward to whatever work you do next!

If I can rephrase what you're saying here, it sounds like you're concerned about cultural appropriation -- specifically, which cultures you get to "borrow from" and "remix," how much remixing you can do before you've done damage, how to depict people from cultural backgrounds other than your own, etc.

If that's what you're asking, then there are whole schools of thought on how to "appropriate appropriately." A lot of thinking on this has evolved in the past few years, for good and for ill; Own Voices, for example. (The short version: the Own Voices hashtag movement started as a grassroots attempt to get marginalized voices telling the stories of their own cultures, because there's been a nasty trend of only white/Western/Anglophone/etc. authors publishing books about those cultures. The problem? Some publishers and readers started acting as if marginalized writers weren't allowed to do anything but stories in their own cultures -- a restriction, instead of an inclusion/correction. Worse, publishers, etc started using it as a marketing shorthand, in ways that were just... not good. They made it weird, basically.) But I'm still fond of the approach that's in Writing the Other, by Nisi Shawl and Cynthia Ward. It's centered on ethnicity/race, but a lot of its approach can be extrapolated to culture. There's too much good stuff in this book to summarize it easily, but you should read it instead of a summary anyway -- it's short.

I don't see the point of guilt, when it comes to something like this. Guilt is what you feel when you've done something wrong, and admiring another culture enough to want to tell a story featuring it isn't wrong. However, there are things you need to do -- research, conversations, considerations of power dynamics -- to reduce the harm you might end up doing by telling that story as an outsider. And note that no matter what you do, though, you might still end up doing harm. (Even people writing about their own culture can end up doing that.) If you fuck up, apologize, figure out what went wrong, and try to do better next time. That's really all you can do.

And then write whatever the hell you want. There's a persistent pressure on Black writers to only cover certain subjects, certain settings; nah. We get to have range, too. You've just got to put in the work to do it well.

Good luck.

[ruestheday]

Wait, what mean thing did Alfred do to Tim on his 16th birthday??

oh boy

see, this is an instance where i’d be fine if people ignored this happening, because bruce (and therefore as an extension alfred) are like weirdly horrible. even doing my mandatory googling to make sure im remembering everything correctly quickly brought me to posts about everyone agrees how insanely ooc this was for both (even on reddit, which has some of the most comic-obsessed fans), but it still happened unfortunately.

so, for tim’s sixteenth birthday, bruce decides to gift him with surprise training.

tim has a birthday party, and at the end of the night there’s a weird box there. tim freaks the fuck out and takes it to bruce to check out, he does, blah blah blah.

it ends up activating when tim’s alone, and it’s a hologram of alfred in the (apocalyptic) future saying that someone on batman’s team has gone bad and the worlds fucked because of it (and then immediately gets shot and killed before he can finish). tim’s half like “well obviously this is bullshit” and half “HOLY SHIT ???!????” and doesn’t tell bruce because he’s not sure if it’s real or not.

i’m going to summarize, but tim thinks it’s fake at first, and then thinks it’s real (because the guy he was blaming it on was in jail) so he’s like ok cass goes bad (since she’s the newest batfam member — side note: cassandra predates damian as a batfam member so put some respect on her name) and when he decides it’s not cass he tries to figure out how it could be dick.

future!alfred then appears before tim and tells him that yeah he died, but it’s all chill they bring him back, and starts delivering more bad news until tim’s like ??? Ur not real! and rips off future!alfred’s mask to discover it’s just real alfred underneath.

tim’s immediately like upset and disgusted. he demands answer from bruce who is like “just training, get good kid” (and also implies tim is stupid bc he believed it) and tim is like Fuck this. Fuck all of you. I’m out. (he does eventually come back obviously)

he also gets to tell bruce to go to hell. now im a bruce wayne glazer but that was deserved because what the fuck

this is some crazy paraphrasing and i’m positive there are 10x better breakdowns out there. but long story short alfred helped gaslit tim drake into having a mental breakdown on his sixteenth birthday because bruce said to.

i also really don’t like this from bruce’s side because literally what the fuck was that. prime example of the 90s-2000s comic wanting bruce wayne to be a bad guy to appeal to angsty male readers (which was an actual phenomenon and explains a lot of why bruce is so batshit [ha] insane to his family during this era)

edit: this is 1993 robin #116-120 btw

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

@thepeculiarbird may like #14

Not the dog!!!

This sounds so chaotic and the phrasing of #15 oh no

Anyways, I did this here and I got nothing better to offer

Vaguely Summarised WIP (tag game)

Thanks for the tag @faeriecinna !! Their post here :)

Rules: summarize your WIP in 15 2-5 word bullet points (as if you were trying to summarize it in 15 seconds)

A quick and inefficient summary of Liminal Bird-Dogs:

yummy diner breakfast

listens to missed call, uh oh werewolf?!

road trip sequence

campground

dead dog ?!

dead person?!?!?!?!

off the case

science lab time

science results???

MYSTERY TO SOLVE???

goes around cops' orders

ends up in different universe

ballroom scene

its a cult!

semi-safely gets home

Tagging @creatrackers @toribookworm22 @guessillcallitart @kaylinalexanderbooks @nbwriteschaos :)

[losyash]

SHIMON ARC: Hibari to Tsuna

Recently I've been liveblogging my Shimon arc reread to my friends.

On chapter 323 one of them said they always wondered if the headband being there meant something. And yes, curtains might be blue because it's a nice color. But no. No, curtains being blue is incredibly goddamn important.

HEAR ME OUT

First, to recap what is happening: Shimon arc, pre Adelheid vs Hibari battle they briefly argue about Tsuna and Enma and decide on their pride and the rules of the battle: to seize each other's handband. Adelheid creates an ice prison that is impossible to penetrate from outside and 500 ice clones to fight Hibari. He fights them all, tells Adelheid she is wrong about Enma and small animals (which i will talk about later) and uses minirolls to crush the ice fort from the inside. After this he gets her handband, they talk about Tsuna again and Hibari drops his "it is because of the sky the cloud can float freely" thing.

Before I delve into it, however, I feel like I should take a quick dive in Tsuna-Hibari relationship from Hibari's perspective.

To put it simply, at first Hibari does not give a single fuck about Tsuna personally. Even after this glorious scene happens

All Hibari thinks about that day is that he wants to meet Reborn again. During the course of Daily life arc however Hibari messes with him plenty. Ny the time 43rd chapter (sakura viewing) rolls around, Hibari's opinion on Tsuna is summarized by this:

And this is actually the key. Hibari does not understand Tsuna. To him Tsuna is some weird ass alien creature who does not fit his rigid worldview. At first Hibari tries to make him make sense again by asserting himself over Tsuna and putting him back to the role of herbivore which he does follow every time except when he doesn't?? For some reason?????

Kokuyo arc is the arc that changed the manga tone in general but it's also the arc that changed Hibari himself. He is brutally shown that he as he is does not have the power to do whatever he wants. Something has to change. And Hibari seeks that change in Tsuna, who somehow managed to defeat Mukuro when Hibari himself failed.

chapter 123, cloud battle aftermath

He stops trying to still Tsuna. Instead he wants now to understand what the fuck is up about him and what can he do. The answer is Tsuna can burn a man alive in a fit of rage btw.

BUT THE THING IS. THE THING IS EVENTUALLY HE DOES UNDERSTAND TSUNA. AND THIS LEADS US TO TAKE A LIL BREAK FOR THE PRIDE TALK

Now, the obvious thing: headband symbolizes Hibari's pride.

Here is what he says, when first asked about it:

But also Hibari vs Adelheid battle is the one that finally clears up what the hell does "pride" mean.

The thing is. What Hibari is saying (and what he tried to make Tsuna understand, because the whole battle here his two goals are to win (duh) and to help Tsuna find his conviction again) is that the actual meaning of "What is your pride?" is "What makes you yourself?". You, as a person, should be proud of who you are. And he tells Tsuna, that it is whatever he cannot give up, whatever makes the very core of Tsuna's self is what he should fight for (And then Tsuna tells Enma "You are my pride" which is very juicy but deserves its own post).

Okay, now with this out of the way, let's get to the next thing:

Hibari vs Adelheid (but not the violent edition)

Hibari and Adelheid are not only fighting, they are also talking to each other. And by talking I mean arguing. About Tsuna and Enma and little animals.

Here is important thing to note first: asking around some people who know some people who know japanese gave me information that actually "small animal" is. Not different from herbivore at all. They are apparently used intechangingly based on how much space speechbubble has.

This does affect things: when it is usually thought that Tsuna in Hibari's eyes carves a new category for himself, not worth calling by name nor insulting nickname, nor he can be classified as a simple herbivore, he is just his own thing. Instead it seems like Tsuna changed Hibari's opinion on entire population of herbivores-small animals. (and if those people just got me confused ill die of shame (;-;)b)

ANYWAY, THEIR DEBATE

yes i had to put it all here. it's good. read it.

Do you see it guys? Do you see how far he came from daily life? He now really does understand Tsuna. He cracked the code. And he does now acknowledge that yeah Tsuna (and by extention other ppl like him. Like Enma) has his own way to live life and it does work for him. Tsuna is not weak. Being a herbivore does not automatically mean being weak.

Another interesting thing here is this:

"Why is a man like you with the likes of Sawada Tsunayoshi?"

"I'm not with him"

And I think it's important to remember here that Adelheid does see Tsuna=Vongola boss thing. To Tsuna it's Him and His Friends against Enma and His Friends. To her? It's Vongola vs Shimon

And when she talks to Hibari about Tsuna, she is saying "Why are you with Sawada Tsunayoshi?" but what she means is "Why are you with Vongola?" and this difference does impact Hibari's answer. Case in point:

I DON'T LIKE THE WAY YOU SAID THAT... WELL... TRUE ENOUGH.

BUT WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE CLOUD GUARDIAN OF THE VONGOLA'S SKY? ACCORDING TO WIKI, THIS:

A drifting Cloud, whom cannot be bound. Protecting the famiglia from an independent standpoint.

AND SO

I am sorry, I am very normal about this, promise.

And so Hibari basically admits that he will not be bound to Tsuna, but he will be around, involving himself when he feels like it. They're friends your honor.

BUT THERE IS MORE.

The attribute of the cloud flames is propagation. Why is it relevant?

this is the hype up text at the end of chapter 322.

and this is the last page of chapter 323.

Remember i briefly mentioned Hibari stagnating in daily life arc and realizing that there must be something more during Kokuyo arc? He found it. Tsuna is the one who gave him this opportunity. Just being around Tsuna allowed Hibari to grow. To propaga- Okay, that does sound silly. But I think the point still stands. Tsuna gave Hibari space to grow, and frankly, Hibari is grateful for that.

now we are entering the deranged territory

Hibari watched Tsuna grow all during the course of the manga and at some point Tsuna DID outgrow him. Not psychologically, but powerwise? Def. And Hibari cannot be not aware of that.

You might ask, how is he okay with that, but the thing is, Hibari is actually very chill with not being the strongest person in the room. What he actually needs is people to respect him and his authority as Disciplinary Committee chairman and Namimori protector. Reborn respects it and is stronger than him. Does Hibari want to fight him? Yes. But he is not actually going out of his way to attack him.

Tsuna has a great deal of respect for Hibari, and in turn Hibari does not feel the same hostility to him he does towards Mukuro despite Tsuna being totally able to win against him in a fight. Once again, rip Byakuran.

BUT. HIBARI IS NOT GOING TO STOP GROWING ANYMORE. HE LEARNED HIS LESSON, HE IS NOW ENDLESSLY EVOLVING OR SOME SHIT.

AND

WHAT I AM SAYING IS

HE IS NOT ONLY NOT GOING TO STOP HELPING TSUNA TO BE BETTER BUT HE ALSO IS GOING TO USE TSUNA AS BENCHMARK

NOT AS SOMEONE TO BE LIKE. BUT SOMEONE TO BE BETTER THAN

THE PRIDE AS SYMBOL OF SELF AND AND THE BAND AS SYMBOL OF PRIDE

AND DISCIPLINE BEING THE KEY TO BETTERMENT OF SELF

HE DECLARES TSUNA BOTH HIS FRIEND AND HIS RIVAL THATS WHAT THE BLUE CURTAINS MEAN I REST MY CASE

[pressplay-if]

I was wondering if more things would be customizable in the future, for example body type. Btw I love your game. I rarely like every character, but in Press Play everyone captured my interest. Especially Angel, im a sucker for that type of characters haha ❤️

<<<3

Thank you so much nonnie! I love to see an Angel fan. Lots of stuff about body things in answer to your ask below this cut:

As for your question, this is sth I've been putting off. In the beginning, I didn't add it bc I figured "oh, it won't come up anyways" but now that I'm realizing that perception body types and especially disordered eating is a big theme in Zima's storyline, I fear that it actually would... in a negative way.

Like, I'm thinking of the toxicity an MC with a bigger body type would be on the receiving end of. I don't know if I'm in the right mind to write that, BUT at the same time, I don't want to ignore that it's a real life issue?? Thinking of Adele and how a lot of the time, hateful audiences made it about her weight and not her music. Think she even said sth about that in an interview herself a couple times.

Now, of course there's people who'll give artists hate for anything, thin folks aren't exempt from that either, so don't think I forgot about that! Like how people will bash really skinny folks for promoting unhealthy images when they can't really help how they look and don't intend to set an example for anyone. So that could happen to MC too. (It already will happen to Stevie at some point, and I think I'm just more okay with writing it being targeted at an NPC than first person.)

Both ends are just really really sad to me, and I realize MC getting harassed by haters will happen either way in the story, I'm just still figuring out to which extent I'm ok with that. Leaving body types for the MC ambiguous is a big cop-out, I know, but I just haven't decided how to ultimately deal with that yet.

So to summarize this rambling stream of consciousness; I'm really indecisive.

[bonefall]

bones im doing the math and a stellers jay cooked properly can feed like four cats. no wonder clan cats have so many rules about prey distribution birds are so full of nutrition you can just coast on it. bones i did the math and if they take down an eagle they could feed like a hundred cats oh god boar meat is so worth it isnt it

EDIT: Boar math update

The average male boar is 440 pounds, which is 200 kilograms, 200,000 g x 5 = 1 million calories.

That will feed an entire Clan for months. All through the three months of winter. Boar meat is sososososo worth it, it's INSANE. ThunderClan should actually be The Fat Clan, these guys are partaking of the sweet fat of the hog and absolutely rolling in extra calories.

(This is actually why I draw a lot of my ThunderClan cats with bellies, like Lionblaze. This man finds himself in the path of food because his Clan has lots to offer lmao)

^ Lionblaze the first day Willowpelt took him on as a secondary apprentice

Ducks are a REALLY good target for Clans, also. Average mallard drake is 3.5 pounds, 1.5 kilos, 9,000 calories. One duck feeds the entire Clan for a day.

I will say though, EXTRA knowledge; remember that calories don't necessarily satiate hunger! A lot of factors do, but you can summarize them with weight in the context of cats. My cat's usually full around 85 grams, but I know some cats who can hoover a big can of food in a single sitting.

(long answer: protein, fiber, thickness, if you had a drink beforehand, eating slowly, etc. But we're talking about prey meat here)

So your stellar's jay example is usually about 100 to 120 grams (though since my guys are in England, they wouldn't encounter those), which would basically be a meal two cats share. If that's breakfast they'll have hit all their calories for the day, but they'll still feel hungry for lunch and dinner.

This is why soups are so cool btw. This was a soup post all along. It's soupaganda time

Not only do you get that boost from cooking the meat here, but the value is more evenly distributed through the whole dish, the weight of the broth languishes in the stomach to make you feel full, AND ALSO IT'S A CLEAN SOURCE OF HYDRATION. You BOILED the water and didn't even think about it. That 120g prey item is now nutrition for 3 cats, a whole meal for 6, plus an easy way to get more water into sick warriors who may not feel like eating.

Get yourself some mushrooms, a couple pieces of prey, whatever leftovers that would otherwise go to waste, and BAM you've got your whole Clan stuffed and happy, even if they didn't manage to hit the caloric minimum of the day.

[bumblebeehug]

hi friend. i am in desperate need of a chapter 520 reversal. lucy’s body heat is down and our man Natsu needs to help,,, post Alvarez PLEASE💗 love all your fics btw.

i'm yours no matter

Summary: Lucy comes back from a tough job in a terrible state: she's in a coma, Porlyusica won't stop naming risks and consequenses of the damage she's taken, and Natsu wants to throw up out of worry. Notes: glad fortsättning as we say in sweden! christmas is over, i have to study for my test, new years will probably leave me with the worst hangover ever bc when hasn't it :') but here's a hurt/comfort fic to satisfy y'all until the middle of january<3 thank you bluedragneel for this request, i'm obsessed with this trope and might write it again some day teehee :3 Ao3 - FF.net

***

Natsu would never have let Lucy go without him on this mission if he knew the state she’d come back in. He clenched and unclenched his fists while trying to understand what Porlyusica was saying, between odd medical terms and concerned small talk. He didn’t care about the details: he needed to know what happened and how it was going to be fixed.

“Boy, are you listening to me?”

“Huh? What? Come again?”

Porlyusica sighed, a vain threatening to pop out of her forehead.

“This is important. We don’t know how she’ll recover, if she recovers. If she does wake up we won’t be certain if she makes it out without brain damage. Wendy did the best she could, but even her magic is limited.” The fact that Porlyusica wasn’t screaming or yelling with rage, or even annoyingly tapping her foot or actively scowling at him made it clear that this was serious. She tried to appear calm, but in this case it only made him more worried.

“What… does brain damage mean? What would happen to her?” Natsu wasn’t sure he’d like the answer, but he had to know.

“What it entails?” She clarified, getting half a nod as an answer. “Well, if her brain is too damaged, her attention and concentration could suffer, we don’t yet know to what degree. She could also have problems with her memories, and making decisions and motivation would become difficult. This could mean that she’ll be more easily distracted, or she’ll experience information overload and become slower at taking in and making sense of information. Her work as a wizard would be jeopardized.”

Natsu felt a headache creeping on. He wasn’t sure if he properly understood half of that, but it sounded bad. His throat felt thick, swallowing seemingly didn’t help.

“That’s not all though.” Natsu glared at her.

“There’s more?”

He felt ill to his stomach. What could possibly be worse than what she’d just told him?

“We don’t know the exact circumstances around what caused this coma. Her sustained injuries have me worried that she’ll become disabled. It’s not certain she’ll be able to walk or talk like before.”

“What,” he hissed. “Why didn’t you tell me that earlier!?”

“I did tell you, you were just too busy throwing a hissyfit to listen.” If eyes could kill, Natsu would be ten feet under. “I’m not saying there’s nothing to be done, though.”

Natsu almost perked up. He didn’t dare have any high hopes, but a spark of possibility had shown itself: maybe she’d end up okay. Just maybe.

“What we know from the mission is that the client requested protection from a snow monster. Its estimated strength was around ten times the strength of a vulcan, and not only that – it was said to use strange curses. As curses are unregulated, we’re not sure what could have caused exactly this, but we understand that she got thrown headfirst into the mountain. It was Loke that brought her back, but due to how different the time flows in the celestial world, she’d already been out in the snow for a couple of hours.” Porlyusica tried to summarize again what had happened, considering Natsu had been too worried to listen the first time. “We already have Levy, Freed and Makarov working to figure out the curse, but there’s something I want you to do in the meantime.”

Natsu perked up, listening intently. If he could do something, anything, to get her back, he’d do it without a second thought.

“You need to keep her warm.”

“I can do that!” Natsu almost laughed in relief. He’s a dragon slayer – warming things was the thing he did best!

“You have to make the transition steady though. If you heat her up too quickly she could go into shock. Do you understand? You have to start by warming her with your body heat. This is important, you cannot rush things like these.” Porlyusica narrowed her eyes. If he got careless Lucy’s health could be in danger.

“Body heat? So what do I do, just warm her with my hands? It’s gonna take ages.” He fidgeted with his hands, suddenly more impatient than usual. Not to warm Lucy, specifically, just to get her treatment started. He understood how important it was to follow Porlyusica’s instructions: she’d never been wrong about this before.

“Do you remember back when Fiore was at war with Alvarez? You had that tumour in you, and you too were passed out in a coma. Back then, your fire was going out: you were rapidly freezing to death. Lucy was the one who kept you alive, and she did so with skin to skin contact. Today I need you to do the same.”

Goosebumps appeared on Natsu’s arms as he recalled. That was a time he didn’t think fondly of. He went through a lot of hardship back then, even if waking up to Lucy and Happy was something that had given him relief at the time. That’s right, where was Happy?

“Y-yeah, I’ll do it,” he mumbled scattermindedly. “Do you know where Happy went? I rushed here so fast, I’m not sure I told him what was going on…”

Porlyusica sighed. This boy was something else, wasn’t he? Not in the best way either, she feared.

“While you were yelling and getting mad, trying to run to the client of her mission for revenge, I explained everything to him. He’s already gotten a head start. I urge you to join him.” This time her glare was comparable to lazer, earning a hard gulp from Natsu. Still, he was relieved to hear Happy wasn’t in the dark: he knew how much those two meant for each other. If Lucy fell ill and Happy couldn’t be there to help… He didn’t want to think of it. Happy had been much more protective of Lucy ever since he felt Future Lucy die. That went for Natsu too of course.

___

Natsu gulped again and looked back at Porlyusica. Lucy layed behind those hospital drapes, shallow breaths filling up the room. Her scent did its usual work of calming him, but he noticed that it didn’t carry in the air like usual. He was sure that curse and her lack of body heat had something to do with it.

Porlyusica had turned around as she let Natsu undress. She’d seen him in this light attire before, but as a healer she had some courtesy to at least wait until he was finished. Natsu awkwardly cleared his throat, breaking the silence that had filled the room.

“Do I… Take off my underwear?” Porlyusica nearly choked on her own spit.

“No. Please don’t. For all our sake. She’s still a lady.” The last sentence was muttered in a voice barely louder than a whisper, but Natsu heard it. Still, he didn’t want to do anything wrong. “Are you done?”

“Yeah,” he mumbled, feeling his arms hang along his sides. This situation was so odd. He wasn’t exactly shy, but being bare like this in a serious situation felt vulnerable. He wanted to wear his scarf, but she had rejected that idea as soon as he said it. Something about the neck being an important area as a heat source.

Porlyusica turned around, not sparing him as much as a glance. Instead she headed straight to the curtains and drew them to the side. There she was. Under a couple of blankets. So still that he’d be worried for her life didn’t he hear her pulse. It was faint, a bit irregular, but there. He’d made sure to really listen for it this time.

“What are you waiting for? Join her.” The healer motioned at the bed.

“It’s so small though…” he puzzled. If he had a Jewel for every time Porlyusica sent him a stare that was out to kill, he’d have enough money to buy not just Lucy’s apartment, but her entire apartment building. He took that as a sign to keep quiet if he was about to question Porlyusica’s methods.

“You’re gonna need to cuddle close anyways, just hurry up. We’ve already wasted too much time.”

Natsu took a shaky breath and lifted Lucy’s blanket. Her bluish pale hands laying against her sides made his heart drop. This was really serious. Just because this was a treatment that could help, didn’t mean that her health would perfectly return. If anything, this was just another flighty attempt to heal her. Surely it wouldn’t benefit her as much as lifting the curse: had Natsu been smarter, maybe he could have helped her faster.

He shook his head. No, he had to focus on what he could do here and now. Worrying about things that could have been wouldn’t help at all, even if he was right about this body-warming treatment only helping a little. It might just be the thing that would keep her away from this brain damage thing Porlyusica had been talking about. He finally crawled into bed beside her.

Cold. She was really cold. His first instinct was to make his own body heat higher, but as he was about to he heard Porlyusica’s warnings echo in his mind. If he didn’t take this slow, new complications could arise. He just had to slowly get used to this sensation.

Porlyusica suddenly spoke up.

“Now, I don’t want you just laying there doing nothing.”

Natsu sent her a confused look. Wasn’t this what she’d asked him to do?

“You need to talk to her. Say her name. Whatever happened on her mission, I’m growing increasingly uncertain of her coma being caused by a concussion. If anything, it’s more likely that it’s a magic coma. And if it’s a curse, nothing helps breaking it better than love. You need to call out to her.”

For the first time in a very long time, Natsu felt himself blush. Just faintly, but the indication that his love for Lucy would be the thing to wake her up, made him feel weird inside. Not a bad weird, just… weird.

“She did the same to you,” she added, only pouring gasoline on the fire inside of him. “If I didn’t think this was important I’d ask for someone else for help, much earlier. Elfman has a large body, he could easily get her to a normal body temp.”

This time, her implications made Natsu tense up instead. He didn’t like the thought of that giant muscle head cuddling with Lucy, skin to skin. He instinctively wrapped his arm around her waist, as to protect her from whatever googly eyed guy that would come waltzing in, in hopes to join them under her blanket.

“Don’t look so stupid. Getting angry gets you nowhere. Anyway, you’re the one who has to do this. If anything can wake her, whether she’s under a curse or not, it’s the connection you share. So I need you to talk to her.”

Natsu once again felt weird inside. He couldn’t pin the feeling down: was it that he felt vulnerable? Or that he felt embarrassed, doing all this in front of someone else? It was awfully intimate after all. Happy was one thing, but having another person listen to him calling out her name like a lost, desperate puppy? Well, awkward or not, it had to be done. He cleared his throat again and looked back at Lucy with determination. He felt his arms lightly shake her from a natural body reaction.

“Lucy,” he tried, his voice sounding weak in the still room. “Hey Lucy, come on… Wake up, would’ya?”

For the first time since Natsu entered the room, Happy spoke up. He seemed like he was in his own world, dazed in worry. Hearing Natsu must have made him realise what had been going on around him.

“Lushy…” The nasal croak he let out made it clear he’d been crying. Natsu envied him a little: he wanted to cry too, but if he did he was sure he’d have a complete breakdown. He had to focus on getting her awake – crying wasn’t an option. Porlyusica shifted her weight. It looked like she wanted to sit down, but she had to join the others with coming up with a cure soon.

“You have to try harder than that Natsu. A tip to not feel like you’re going crazy just repeating her name, is to recall old memories. It’ll keep you busy from anxiety and worry, plus it’ll strengthen your and her resolve. Besides, it’ll make your bond feel stronger. I think that could be beneficial in a case like this.” Porlyusica watched as Natsu turned her words in his mind, trying to understand exactly what she meant. “I’ll trust you to do this now, don’t let her down.”

With those words Porlyusica left the infirmary, leaving Natsu and Happy with their unconscious friend.

Natsu held Lucy close, her icy skin a sharp contrast to the heat radiating from his body. Carefully he glanced at Happy, who looked like he was close to dissociating. If he didn’t start talking now, he’d probably have to deal with two traumatised people who meant a lot to him, and he wasn’t sure if he had the strength to do that.

This thought was enough to kick him into action. He swallowed hard, his voice low and trembling as he spoke.

"Lucy… you’ve gotta come back. You can’t leave us like this." Carefully he grabbed her hand, her fingertips almost blue from lack of blood circulation. His grip tightened just slightly, as if willing her to feel the warmth spreading from his fingers. "I don’t know what happened out there, but I’m here now, okay? So… so just wake up."

He took a shaky breath, tangling his legs with hers, just like he’d done so many times before in her apartment. This time it was different. This entire situation made him want to cringe, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.Why her out of all people? He’d never been the one who solved problems tenderly. He could fight, get revenge, he’d always been confident of his ability to do grand gestures to fix what was wrong. He couldn’t handle things with care, make out nuances in language, emotion or even a thing like physical hurt. If Lucy ever got injured she’d be honest and frank: sure, she tried to go on for a little bit longer than she should, even while having deep gushes through her legs or shoulders popped out of place. But she was honest enough about it that Natsu always knew what to do about it: sear the opening of the wound, fetch Wendy, pop her bones back into place. Those things were child's play in comparison to this. Now he had to carefully heat her up, not too quickly but not too slowly either, while calling out to her, pulling on whatever strings they had on each other’s unconsciousness. He was aware of the connection they shared, and he was normally confident in it: at times he felt like they shared one and the same mind. But this? He wasn’t so sure it was enough anymore.

"You’re always the one who’s there for everyone," he continued, his voice breaking just a little. "You never give up, no matter how bad things get. That’s who you are. So don’t stop now, Lucy. Please… just don’t."

Happy joined in through whispers in her ear, not daring to raise his voice in case it’d crack. Natsu felt his heart break a little as he watched him hold on to Lucy for dear life. It was one thing that Natsu felt like this, but Happy wasn’t meant to be sad: he had spent his whole life making sure he would get the childhood Natsu never got. For him to have to almost lose Lucy twice: it was a pain Natsu could barely cope with himself. He was genuinely worried about his furry friend.

Still, he had to stay focused. He remembered what Porlyusica had told him, about memories being an effective way to keep his anxiety at bay, while still grasping at Lucy’s unconscious.

His thoughts raced, memories flashing through his mind. The way she’d smiled when they took their first job together, the way she’d always trusted him to catch her when she’d fall, how she always knew what to say to get him to keep moving forward.

"Hey, Lucy… You gotta wake up, you know? I promised you we’d go on more adventures, back when we fought against Future Rogue and…" His voice cracked, he still didn’t dare finish that sentence. "Whenever I was a wreck, you were there. You didn’t give up on me, not even for a second. So now it’s my turn, Lucy. I’m not giving up on you."

Happy’s soft, tearful voice chimed in from beside them. "Lushy… we need you. Please wake up."

Natsu’s jaw clenched. He would do anything to get her out of this. He just wished he could do something more effective. Deep in his stomach he felt his fire work it’s magic: he’d been suppressing it so he wouldn’t warm her up too quickly, so to not slip up and unleash a heat wave on the three of them, he took a deep breath.

“I… Guess this is the time to tell you how thankful we are that we met you all those years ago.” Happy met Natsu’s flickering gaze, sharing a small encouraging nod. “We really are thankful. Like, we’d probably be dead if it weren’t for you.” He tried to chuckle at the attempt of a joke, but Happy didn’t seem as pleased. Natsu cleared his throat.

“What I’m trying to say is… well… we can’t imagine a life without you. If I ever had to go back to only sleeping in my swine sty of a house, instead of being with you everyday, I’m not sure I’d be able to keep my sanity. Even when you scream and do all kinds of weird stuff, we need you.”

“Lushy,” Happy sniffled, “what would I do if I had to go back to only living with Natsu? I’d starve! He burns my fish and everything else we own…”

“Oh come on! You’ve survived up till now!” Natsu protested, but couldn’t bring himself to actually find a counter argument. He was telling the truth after all. Happy glared at him and continued talking.

“I know he’s really stupid,” he began, earning a stern frown from Natsu, “but I think he might be the one who’d hate it the most if you died. But that aside, I don’t think I could stand losing you again.” Tears were once again pouring out of his eyes. “You’re the closest thing I’ve ever had to an actual proper mom…”

The last part would have been impossible for Natsu to hear, hadn’t it been for his dragon-hearing. He swallowed the big knot in his throat that threatened to come out as a sob. He didn’t know Happy had felt so strongly about Lucy, though it made sense as he heard it. Of course she was like a mom to him: she was perfect like that. Caring, worrisome at times, but always loving.

“Hey, you heard him, right? You can’t leave Happy after he tells you something like that, can you? So hurry and wake up… You’d never forgive me if I scared you like this, so come on…”

“But you did scare us like that though,” Happy argued.

“Oh can it,” Natsu muttered, raising his body temperature another degree.

While continuing talking, mixing the casual bickering with emotional anecdotes, Natsu started massaging Lucy’s right hand, the one with her guild mark. Laying there, he realised that the colour of it really was the exact same shade as his hair. The thought tugged on his heartstrings. Had she even meant for that to happen, when he made her join Fairy Tail all those years ago? Had she always been determined that it would be the two of them – and Happy of course – teaming up? Even if that wasn’t the case, if it had been her unconscious that picked the shade of pink so close to his hair, he still wanted to tear up. The two of them were so incredibly attached, to the point where Natsu couldn’t even imagine a life without her anymore.

He continued observing her hand as he massaged her soft skin. It was slender, a nuance less blue than it had been when he laid down with her some minutes ago. This realisation sparked some hope within him. They were helping her: it was working. Continuing the talking, letting his mouth speak whatever flew into his brain, he simultaneously went on thinking about her hand. When she proudly showed it off to him when her mark was new, it had been in pristine condition. Soft, flawless, not a callus or scar in sight. Her nails had been long, carefully taken care of, painted a light pink that almost seemed nude in comparison to the bright pink guild mark. As he looked at it now, it was covered in scars. Some cuts from falling on gravel, some webbing up her wrist like veins. He knew that must have been reminiscent of when she rewrote E.N.D. for him. Another constellation of scars resembled shattering, likely scars from when she had to summon the Celestial Spirit King back when they fought Tartarus. Most of these scars gave Natsu shivers. They were all pale and faded now, but he knew they must cause Lucy pain every day. To carry her biggest joy and her worst pain on the same hand seemed taxing.

He brought her fingers up to his lips, pressed them against them lightly. Then he embraced her, letting her limp, cool body rest against his. Her skin was so soft, but he didn’t enjoy this fake cuddle session: he wanted her to be awake, or even asleep would be better: even when she was asleep she ended up reciprocating his cuddles. This made him feel like he was hugging a corpse, and it was quickly rated as one of his least favourite sensations.

In his new position he could hug her from behind, the many pillows propped up behind his back making him sit up slightly. This allowed for Lucy’s head to rest on his chest, right by his collarbones. Carefully he nudged her a little bit to the left. Maybe his heartbeat could aid them in some way: he wasn’t sure how, but it couldn’t help to try. Happy nudged himself between Natsu’s embracing arm and Lucy’s chest, covering up what would be a very revealing view hadn’t he laid there. Any other day her nudity would be arousing for Natsu, but today it didn’t have that effect. Rather than arousing, it gave him a sense of security. Their bodies, pressed against each other, like clinging on to Lucy’s soul for dear life.

He rested his lips on the top of her head for a while. Happy was in the middle of yapping about Lisanna, his biological mom and Lucy, when Natsu suddenly felt her arm twitch. It was small, and he’d disregard it as his imagination hadn’t he heard her breath hitch at the same time.

“Lucy?” He hugged her tighter, squashing Happy a little in the process. “Happy, I think she’s responding. She just twitched! Keep talking,” he urged, nuzzling his face into her neck. He was certain of it: she had reacted.

Suddenly his resolve increased tenfold, his fiery determination bubbling to the surface. He didn’t care how long this took—he’d stay by her side until she opened her eyes.

"Lucy," he said, his tone growing stronger, more resolute. "I’m not going anywhere, got it? You’re stuck with me, so you’d better wake up and yell at us for being too loud or something. You always do."

Once again he thought he saw the faintest flicker of movement—a twitch of her fingers against his hand. His breath hitched.

"Lucy? Come on, it’s me. Natsu." He leaned closer to her ear, her smell filling his head until he felt completely intoxicated. His voice dropped to a near whisper. "I need you. We all do. So please… wake up."

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, slowly, her lips parted, and a faint sound escaped.

"N… Natsu…"

His eyes widened, hope surging through him like a wildfire. "Lucy!”

Happy dried his eyes that were puffy from all the crying he’d done. He was quick to jump out of their embrace.

“I’ll go get Porlyusica!” He almost left the room before he turned back, lifted her blanket a little to cover the goods, and then hurried away. Natsu barely registered his actions, his focus being completely tuned in on Lucy.

With a split moment alone, Natsu almost felt overwhelmed with the silence. She’d called out his name, though only faint, but instead of her heartbeat rising to accommodate her waking up, it seemed like it was slightly fading. Worry filled Natsu’s head, the anxiety shooting out prickling sensations in his arms and legs.

“Lucy, what’s going on? Why’s your heartbeat slowing down?” His high pitch made the worry apparent, but he didn’t care. “Shit, come on! Stay with me!”

He rocked their bodies back and forth in hope that he’d manage to keep her heart pulsing. It was quickly made apparent that it wasn’t enough, when for a split moment her heart missed a beat.

This time he couldn’t conceal his panic. No one was nearby, Lucy was fading away by the second, and all Natsu could do was choke out a small “Please…”. He didn’t know what to do, tears welling up in his eyes faster than he was prepared for.

“Don’t leave…” he croaked, sobs filling the silence. “Shit, Lucy, I can’t live without you… I love you…”

Had he not been busy pressing her lukewarm cheek against his, rocking them back and forth, and trying to swallow the sobs that leaked out anyways, he’d notice that his confession pulled Lucy’s heartbeat back for a few seconds. But he didn’t notice this: instead he continued his endeavors of grasping whatever life was left in her.

“Lucy, Lucy, Lucy… Please…” He opened his eyes again, quickly regretting it as they soaked Lucy’s face in the salty liquid. He wanted to see her face properly, take in her soft features before it was too late. He grabbed her face with his free hand, slowly letting his thumb caress her cheek. His blurred vision made him miss how her eyebrows twitched into a furrow. Instead he let his heart steer his actions: he didn’t know what else to do.

Pushing her bangs out of her face, Natsu let his lips land on hers. Softly, his hot ones on Lucy’s dry cold ones. His chin quivered – he didn’t want his first kiss with her to be his last one. In fact, he never wanted his first kiss to be with Lucy while she was unconscious at all. He had thought of their relationship for a long time, even imagining them having their first kiss under the stars after a dinner that would leave both of them too stuffed to walk. They were supposed to be joking around, laughing, and he’d look at her, look into her brown, sparkling eyes, that held a universe inside of them, and he wouldn’t be able to contain himself, so he’d lean in and kiss her: and she’d kiss him back. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this, in a sterile bed, in the infirmary that had too bright lights, naked under blankets, Lucy dying in his hands.

Still, he didn’t dare to stop kissing her. And good thing he didn’t, because suddenly, for him out of nowhere, he felt her kiss him back.

In shock he pulled away, his eyes big as plates.

“L-lucy? You’re…” Silent tears kept falling onto Lucy’s face. Her eyelids fluttered, and after what felt like an eternity, they opened, her brown eyes glassy but unmistakably alive. She blinked up at him, her voice hoarse but clear.

"You’re… warm," she murmured, her lips curling into a weak but familiar smile.

Natsu laughed, tears streaming down his face. “Don’t scare me like that…” he muttered, a blush spreading across his face before he could stop it. "But you’re back. That’s all that matters."

Lucy slowly brought her hand up, cupping Natsu’s cheek.

“Did you kiss me?”

Natsu avoided her eyes, awkwardly tensing up.

“I thought Porlyusica said you’d have brain damage or something…” Lucy was quick to hit him on his arm.

“Are you stupid? Don’t wish I wouldn’t understand something like that!” Her voice was shrill, cutting through Natsu’s ears like knives, but today he didn’t care about that. He was insanely happy to have her back to normal.

He let out a chuckle, albeit against his own will.

“It’s not like I hoped for our first kiss to be like that.”

Lucy just smiled. She had put out a lot of energy right as she woke up: truth was, she still felt exhausted and honestly a bit dizzy. After getting a good look at Natsu, taking in his worried frown, his wet cheeks and reddened eyes, she closed her eyes again.

“What are you?! Lucy! Wake up!” He violently shook her this time, not allowing her to fade away again.

“Calm down,” she puffed, “I just need to rest a little.” Slowly she sneaked one eye open, observing Natsu as his wrinkle became more prominent.

“How do I know you won’t die in your sleep?”

“Well, for one you don’t keep believing that I will. Don’t manifest it.” She tried to joke, but it was apparent Natsu didn’t understand what she meant. She sighed. “Just… Stay here, please?”

She turned her body around so she laid on her stomach on top of him. It was at this moment she realised the attire they both were in.

“Natsu..?” She whispered against his chest.

“Yeah?” Natsu had started rubbing his hand against her back in a repetitive motion. This time he was making sure she’d stay alive.

“Why are we naked?”

Natsu didn’t know if the sound he let out was a chuckle or a sob – perhaps a mix of both. It was such a relief to hear her worry about her usual things.

“Don’t ya’ worry ‘bout it,” he smiled, continuing to rub her back.

“Well that’s not suspicious,” she mumbled as she slowly fell back to sleep. This time it felt better for Natsu: her body was warmer, her arms were hugging him back, and now he knew any major damages could be disregarded.

That’s when he heard Happy let out a cry of joy, flying up to nuzzle against her cheek. "Lushy! You’re okay!"

Natsu hurried to push him away with a harsh “shh”. Happy would start an argument hadn’t he seen the corners of Lucy’s mouth curl into a soft smile, her eyes opening briefly to greet her feline friend. Her heart twinged at his tearful eyes, but she still managed to give him a playful blink. She wanted to assure him she’d be back to normal soon. Porlyusica stepped forward into the room, her expression as stern as ever, but a hint of relief apparent in her eyes.

"She’s not out of the woods yet. Keep her warm and let her rest. But this… this is a good sign."

Natsu nodded, his arms tightening protectively around Lucy. 

"Ya’ don’t gotta worry. I have her."

Lucy’s eyes drifted closed again, her breathing steadying as she slipped into a more peaceful sleep. Happy hugged her shoulder tightly. He was so relieved that she was okay. And Natsu? He was beyond relief. If he could, he would have cloned himself so one of his bodies could do a celebratory dance, meanwhile the other could stay here, holding her tight, making sure she could stay comfortable for as long as she needed. He didn’t know any cloning magic though, so he let his imaginary clone work the floor beside the bed while Porlyusica hurried around the two of them, counting Lucy’s heartbeat, drawing her blood for testing, checking her pupils for dilating. Despite the worrying things she was doing to her, Natsu managed to stay calm. Maybe it was the deep breaths he felt against his torso, or the tiny, almost invisible nudging Lucy did to get her body closer to his, but Natsu felt at peace.

Everything would be fine. He wouldn’t let her go:  not now – not ever.

[swarvey]

paper rings | harvey x f!reader

Harvey returns to his friends for more advice; you overhear an interesting conversation.

a/n: a.k.a., you two are unbelievably oblivious to each other.

btw, please lmk if you'd like to be added to the tag list for this fic!

ch. 2 | ch. 3 | ch. 4

paper rings masterlist

chapter three: how you get the girl -> "remind her how it used to be."

Elliott nodded slowly after listening to Harvey's recap of his meeting with you. The doctor had called both Shane and Elliott for a "quick meeting" at his apartment as soon as he left your farm — though, Shane, unsurprisingly, did not pick up, so he sent him a quick text to come by when he had time.

"So, what do you see as my plan of action?" Harvey asked, fidgeting with his hands. "Should I be . . . direct with her?"

Elliott hummed. “Well, you’ll have to be more than direct, my friend,” he decided, a thoughtful glint lighting his eyes. “It’s been years since you’ve seen her, yes?”

“Yes, I haven’t seen her since she graduated college.” The singular sentence itself saddened Harvey, deflating in his seat. “I’m a horrible friend, aren’t I?”

“Precisely!” Elliott exclaimed, only making his guilt worsen. “After such a prolonged period of time away from each other, does it feel fitting to simply tell her your feelings? No,” he said, before Harvey could put together an answer. “The time you two spend together now is imperative — you must spoil her, cherish her, show her how much you care before you tell her.” 

Suddenly, three knocks sounded throughout the apartment, and Harvey quickly stood to answer it. He opened the door to reveal Shane, a six-pack of beers in hand.

“I was asleep,” he explained bluntly, walking in and taking off his shoes, “but after I heard Marnie going on about the new farmer, I figured we’d need these.” He lifted the drinks, walking over to Elliott before setting them down on the table. “Anyway, I could hear your spiel the entire way up the stairs, pretty boy,” he huffed to his friend, already starting to open three cans. “Can’t say you’re too far off from what I was thinking, which is a first.”

Harvey returned to his seat, gladly taking the beer offered to him. “So, you agree?”

“Pretty much.” 

“My point stands,” Elliott said proudly, taking a victorious sip of his drink. “Now is not the time to rush your sprouting relationship  — good things come with time, as they say.” Shane grunted in agreement, visibly displeased that he was on the same page as him.

Harvey fidgeted with the tab on the can, brows furrowed in thought. “I should get her gifts, then? Or buy her meals?”

“That may prove to be too much,” Elliott replied, shaking his head. “The last thing you want to do is scare her away, friend.”

“Don’t be a kiss ass,” Shane summarized.

The doctor pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. “This is helpless — what am I supposed to do, then?”

“Talk to her,” his friends said in unison, though one sounded much more exasperated than the other.

“Recall the past,” Elliott continued, leaning forward. “The good, the bad; the exhilarating, the mundane, remind her of it all! Then, after remembering the wonderful times the two of you had, she will realize what she has been missing all along has been right in front of her.”

Harvey laughed lightly at the thought. “I doubt she’ll think that,” he sighed. “It’s been so long since we’ve spent time together, not to mention I have no idea if she’s seeing anyone or not.”

“And what if she is?” Shane asked, perking a brow. “I mean, honestly, is the world gonna end? You’ll live, bud, believe me — there are plenty of chicks who dig doctors.”

“I guess you don’t understand,” Harvey replied, shaking his head and staring down at the table. “She’s really been the only one I’ve truly seen myself being with.”

“Bull,” his friend replied, leaning forward in his seat. “You went to college in Zuzu City, didn’t you? No way you didn’t find any girls over there.”

“That’s beside the point.”

“So you didn’t date anyone? ”

“Did I not just say that isn’t the point here?” Harvey looked up to meet Shane’s smirk. “No matter who I’ve seen in the past, no matter who I see from this point forward, my mind has and always will return to her. It’s like I’m drawn to her, like my body gravitates toward her, it doesn’t make sense.”

“My bad, doc,” Shane apologized amusedly. “Didn’t realize you were such a sap.”

“With the right person,” Elliott started, smiling knowingly, “anyone can be a romantic, dear friend. That, I can guarantee.”

Groaning, Harvey leaned forward and let his head drop in his arms, remaining still as his friend comfortingly patted his back.

What have I gotten myself into?

-

You hummed absentmindedly as you walked back into the heart of Pelican Town, the sun finally starting to feel a little warmer on your skin as it steadily rose. You were amazed at how colorful and lively everything looked — the strikingly blue birds, the merrily pink flowers, and even the townsfolk seemed to be blossoming in the spring. You eyed the clinic as you walked past it, noting the makeshift ‘Closed’ sign taped to the door, smiling slightly at the thought of Harvey closing it just for your arrival.

As you made your way into Pierre’s General Store to look at what’s in stock, you were immediately greeted by Pierre himself, his face lighting up as you stepped through the door.

“Hey, it's the new farmer! I'm Pierre, owner of the local general store,” he introduced, meeting you in the middle of the store to shake your hand firmly. “Though, if you rack your brain a bit, you might remember seeing me from time to time as a kid.”

Mouth agape, you scanned the storeowner up and down before exclaiming, “It’s you! Your girlfriend had short green hair, didn’t she?”

“I guess it was shorter back then, so yes! Once girlfriend, now wife, of course,” he corrected, arms crossed proudly as you quietly applauded him. “Glad to see you back in town. Now, I’m sure you know a great deal more about farming than I do, but I do know that my stuff is the best in town.”

And really the only stuff in town, you wanted to say, though you kept your mouth shut. “Good to know,” you replied instead, starting to slowly make your way around the store. “Oh, wow, these are just beautiful! I didn’t know you sold flowers, too.”

You stopped in front of a stand near the register filled with bouquets. The colors ranged wildly, some being a simple white while others flaunted a flash of red. All of them, though, were equally stunning, not to mention they smelled amazing. You immediately thought of Harvey helping you move in, how he had even been willing to close his beloved clinic for a day to set aside time for you.

“How much are these?” you asked, pointing towards the flower stand.

Pierre’s eyes widened slightly as he glanced between your finger and the flowers. “The bouquets?” he clarified. “You’re wondering about the price of a bouquet?”

Confused, you tiled your head. “Yes. Why, are they expensive? I just thought it would be nice to get Harvey a thank-you gift for this morning—”

“Ah, I see!” Pierre exclaimed, cutting you off and laughing loudly. “You know, I typically don’t do this — and don’t expect any more special deals — but I’ll give you one for half off.”

“Thanks, I guess,” you said, mumbling the latter half of your response as you half expected to get one for free. Still, you picked a bouquet with a good mix of all the colors and handed a few coins to Pierre. “Could you point me towards Harvey’s house?”

“Oh, he lives above the clinic,” Pierre replied, quickly counting the coins in his palm before dropping them in the register. He looked up at you with an odd smile, as if he knew something you didn’t. “There’s a door all the way at the back that leads up to his apartment.”

“Thanks. I’ll see you soon, Pierre!” With that, you left the store happily. You were slightly worried Harvey might have locked the clinic’s door, but after tugging it open, you wasted no time finding the door Pierre had told you about.

As you walked up, though, an all too familiar voice made you stop mid-step.

“I guess you don’t understand,” you heard Harvey say. “She’s really been the only one I’ve truly seen myself being with.”

She?

“Bull,” another voice said. “You went to college in Zuzu City, didn’t you? No way you didn’t find any girls over there.”

“That’s beside the point.”

“So you didn’t date anyone? ”

“Did I not just say that isn’t the point here?” You couldn’t say you weren’t stunned. You’d never heard Harvey sound so peeved. “No matter who I’ve seen in the past, no matter who I see from this point forward, my mind has and always will return to her. It’s like I’m drawn to her, like my body gravitates toward her, it doesn’t make sense.”

“My bad, doc. Didn’t realize you were such a sap.”

“With the right person, anyone can be a romantic, dear friend. That, I can guarantee,” a third voice chimed in.

You were shocked. No, more than shocked — in complete, utter disbelief. Harvey? Feeling that way for a girl? You huffed in annoyance, crossing your arms and looking up at the door. For a moment, you were angry your childhood friend hadn’t mentioned anything about this girl of his, but you could hardly blame him. Why would he, after the two of you stopped keeping up with each other regularly? 

You quietly made your way back down the stairs, trying your hardest not to slam the door. As you started to head back to your farm, you ran into the green-haired woman you recognized as Pierre’s wife.

“Oh, hello!” she said happily, smiling brightly at you. “You must be the new farmer! I remember when you were this tall, you know.” She put a hand on her hip, and you smiled as normally as you possibly could back to her.

“It’s nice to meet you,” you replied, desperately wanting to go home. Before you could make your escape, Caroline gasped, looking directly at the bundle of flowers in your hand. Shit.

“My, a bouquet already? Who—”

“They’re for me!” you quickly explained, cursing yourself as you felt your cheeks begin to warm. “I, uh, needed some decoration for my house, and I thought these would do!”

She nodded slowly. “Of course.” Caroline touched your arm lightly before walking towards the store. “Let me know if you need any help settling in, okay? We live right at the back of the store!”

You yelled a quick thanks and practically bolted to the path toward your house, swearing under your breath. Your heart beat heavily in your chest as Harvey’s words kept ringing in your head, for some reason making you more flustered than you normally get.

It’s like I’m drawn to her, like my body gravitates toward her, it doesn’t make sense.

If something didn’t make sense to Harvey, you knew it had to be bad. As you finally opened the door to your home, you collapsed on your bed, bouquet falling beside you. After a few moments, you sat up abruptly, scowling at yourself. Why’d you care so much anyway? You laughed humorlessly at yourself. Honestly, who knew the thought of him having a crush would be that bewildering? He was a grown man, after all, feelings like that were normal. Perfectly normal.

That night, you hung the flowers upside down beside the wall on your bed, hoping they’d dry nicely and make their beauty last.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not liking when my boyfriend tells me no (in some contexts)?

This is something that kinda made me blow up recently and i wanted to know from an outside perspective whether whats upsetting me is insane or not.

My (23F) boyfriend (23M) has the speech habit (and it's not just him, theres plenty of people who do this, i just talk to him a lot) of saying "no/youre wrong" whenever i say something that's half-right (like an oversimplification) or i say 2 things, and 1 is right 1 is wrong. And it really fucking bugs me because it makes me feel SO stupid and he does it when im not even wrong!

Most recently, i answered a quiz question that was like "if the year the roman empire fell were a wavelength in nm, what part of the EM spectrum would it be in?" And I knew the roman empire fell in 476, and i knew that was the visible light spectrum (which was the correct answer!). I then went 1 further and said "i think it would be red light."

My boyfriend then gave me 0 credit for answering the question right and said "no. it's blue light." This wasnt a quiz with any stakes btw, he just sent me the question because he thought it was funny and he knew id be able to answer it. But hes been acting like i answered that question totally incorrectly even though the actual literal answer was visible light, which i got correct.

This made me really upset that he would just shut me down and say "no" when all i did was get confused about which colors had which wavelengths. But he stands by saying i was wrong because "well, you WERE wrong." And he does this all the time about everything! I like to simplify/summarize things or exaggerate for effect, and he considers me doing that to be "wrong," and it really fucks up my ability to speak with him because it feels like he's shutting me down. And it makes me feel stupid as hell. Like ill be talking about a show with 8 seasons, so I'll say "that show had like 20 seasons, of course they were gonna have some bad episodes" and he'll say "no it didnt" and then ill say "okay like 10 seasons" and he'll say "no it didnt" and then what the fuck am i supposed to say? It feels like hes just trying to shut me up rather than listen to the gist of what im trying to say. But he says its because im just wrong about something and he's "letting me know," but there are SEVERAL better ways to let me know about that.

Tl:dr am i the asshole for getting offended when my boyfriend tells me im wrong about something whenever im half-right or exaggerating for effect?

What are these acronyms?

[lalalian]

hii! i'm not sure if you have a post about this but how do you get original ideas for a reality? i do have some og realities but they usually don't have a plot and i want to create an og reality but don't know where to start or get the inspiration from :P kind of like aethergarde or something

(btw i'm sorry if you do have a post for this topic)

hihi!

I don’t think I really have a longer post for this yet!

how I get my ideas

I’m gonna be honest, I have no concrete explanation when it comes to how I personally come up with ideas. I’m the kind of person that’ll just see a name, and immediately come up with something.

For my fantasy romance novel inspired DR, (aka my Alruna DR) I came up with the basic premise by seeing a name recommendation of Alruna on Pinterest.

It was from this EXACT image:

I mean at the time, I was super into fantasy romance novels (I still am, but I’ve been busy, currently reading Blood Oath by Raye Wagner and Kelly St. Claire) so that def helped with everything.

If you aren’t already a person that lives in their head 24/7 like me, my “”””creative techniques”””” may not do you any favors 😭😭

Oh, I did do a TikTok on this topic awhile ago; but to summarize:

Listen to music and imagine yourself in a different reality.

what I personally do

A lot of my ideas are simply from brainstorming, colors, and photos.

color palettes

Color palettes are a great low effort way to come up with ideas.

Color makes you feel a certain way, and it can remind you of something too. Patterns work well too, but whenever I look at a pattern, I usually always think of something cottagecore or Victorian.

brainstorming

Almost skipped this one lmao. Brainstorming is best reserved for when you’ve got enough tangible information about your DR.

There’s several ways you can do this quickly; Q&As and categories.

Q&As is what I did with Nana and her dollmaker DR, but essentially you just ask a bunch of detailed questions about said DR. The more detailed the questions are, the more detailed your answer’s gonna be (also puts more depth into certain parts of your DR). Again, if you’re having trouble coming up with questions yourself, you can always send me your premise through DMs or Asks.

Categorical brainstorming is smth I do 24/7; it’s also very similar to the Q&A technique, but it gives you a more solid topic to work with. Since you’re doing this with a premise, come up with a few broad categories that relate to your DR. Then, go to one of your categories, and make more categories of that concept. Do this until you can come up with something + until you finish working on your DR for the day. I do this in notion, but remember to limit yourself at some point!

For example, let’s use this AI-generated DR idea:

A colony on a distant water planet has uncovered something extraordinary: the entire ocean is sentient, communicating through tides, storms, and currents. As scientists race to decode the language of this “Living Sea,” they begin to realize it has a deep and ancient intelligence—one that has been observing humanity and may hold secrets of life beyond their comprehension.

(OKAY AS MUCH AS I BASH AI THIS IDEA WAS PRETTY GOOD 😒😒😒😒😒)

So the first few categories I can think of are:

Meaning, Consciousness, and Life.

Meaning is most interesting to me right now, so let’s go with that. Before we head into more categories, write a brief description of each category. It’s good to add a lot of questions in these descriptions to motivate you to add more to each category. Usually I have a ton of questions in super broad categories with almost no tangible definitions.

Meaning: How does the ocean bring meaning to the world?

Consciousness: What do people consider consciousness is this world, and how did humans come to find that the ocean is sentient?

Life: How did the ocean affect life on land and within its water? If the ocean is sentient, what about freshwater rivers? Are they their own separate identity? Is there even any freshwater on the planet, or is there different kinds of water or only one kind of water?

What meaning does…

Oceanic events, Humans, Planets, and Ocean Dwelling Creatures have on the things in this DR?

Hold on, before we make another category, let’s look over what we have so far. When we come back to this chart, it’s not likely we’ll understand specifically what we meant by these categories. Because of this, either come up with short sentences explaining each one (remember, don’t get too lost into one category just yet, try to do this part loosely, without much detail). For the sake of time, I’ll just start digging into one category.

Oki doki, let’s take a look at a category we’re most interested in. I think I’ll go with ocean dwelling creatures!

Now that you’ve chosen a category we like the most so far, let’s talk as much as we can about it (including questions)

Ocean dwelling creatures do have some sense of the ocean’s intelligence. This is how animals migrate, and some unexplained behaviors are due to the ocean’s consciousness. Mutations are also associated with the ocean’s sentience, the ocean’s inner turmoil and bliss can affect the behaviors + appearance these mutations have on the organism. Since the ocean also has a certain moral code it likes to uphold, it tries to reduce its emotion’s ability to influence the aquatic creatures’ in its depths.

Deeper dwelling creatures often are the most intelligent organisms in the ocean. The deepest crevices are home to advanced civilizations similar to that of ours; however, they prefer to remain undetected to outsiders because of the ocean’s reluctance to affect creatures’ development from other planets. The ocean actively tries to ward away humans from its depths by making the creatures below more aggressive and scary (to humans).

Deeper dwelling creatures record the ocean’s history— I think that’s enough for today LMAO

MOVING ON.

photos:

Very simple, just look at a photo and think about what kind of place it is and how it’d be to be there. I’ve done this a lot with individual places in my DRs.

I think the most creative people are those who read often!

Sure, you don’t have to be creative to read, but books do help you with pacing, plot, foreshadowing, and most especially, ideas. Especially if you read books with a variety of protagonists, it’s easier to portray different kinds of people in your DRs if you know how certain people think.

remember, take breaks often, and don’t beat yourself up if you aren’t able to come up with something you like!

[i-heart-hxh]

hey

ik you're busy with processing all this scrapped ending stuff, but imma ask anyways. so people here and on twitter tend to say that killua and gon's relationship is codependent. how is it shown? cuz to me they're just extremely devoted to eachother, but i can't exactly see this whole codependency thing.

love your analysis btw, you're great❤️

Hi! Thank you very much for the kind words, I appreciate it! (Obviously answering this after a while, as the scrapped ending topic isn't quite as omnipresent now.)

On one hand, I do think their relationship has aspects of codependency, for reasons I'll go into below. But there's a lot going on in their relationship, and I also believe people use this term as sort of a catch-all for the various issues.

So, what is codependency?

Codependency is a dysfunctional relationship dynamic where one person assumes the role of 'the giver,' sacrificing their own needs and well-being for the sake of the other, 'the taker.' -- Psychology Today

I mean...doesn't this sound like Killua's unhealthy, self-sacrificing devotion for Gon?

Killua mostly takes on this role himself, but Gon does stoke this dynamic, assigning Killua the role of holding him back in dangerous situations and expecting him to clean up after his messes.

Killua is happy to have this role supporting Gon and takes it seriously, but as the series goes on, the burdens he deals with on Gon's behalf keep getting more and more extreme, and when Gon pushes him away even when he's doing his role (trying to keep Gon from doing something reckless and getting carried away, in the scene where Gon confronts Pitou), it breaks Killua's heart.

The issues between these two have a root cause: Both of them love each other more than they love themselves. This is the key to understanding many of the underlying issues in their relationship.

In Killua, this manifests by devotedly taking on whatever Gon wants or needs no matter what personal cost it has to him, trying desperately to be of service to him because it's the only way he knows how to express his love for him. Coming from the Zoldyck family, it makes sense acts of service are one of the only ways he believes love can be expressed meaningfully. As I said in another post, he even takes on things Gon doesn't ask him to do, and then hides how much he does for Gon and the costs it has to him, so Gon isn't even aware of how much Killua suffers on his behalf.

In Gon, this manifests by prioritizing Killua's life while recklessly disregarding his own. Remember this line?

I come back to this scene all the time because it's vital to understanding the way Gon values Killua above himself. To Gon, his life isn't worth all that much, but Killua's life is another story.

When Killua could have died if he dodged differently in the Dodgeball match, Gon loses his temper completely, to the point where he can't even answer Bisky's simple questions. I recommend reading the whole scene to see just how pissed Gon is about this, but for the sake of brevity here's the most important part:

This happens before the pivotal scene of Killua holding the ball for Gon, severely injuring his hands. There's a lot of complexity to this scene and what it means in their relationship, it honestly deserves its own post because it's difficult to summarize, but it shows us Killua being perfectly willing and happy to be gravely injured on Gon's behalf, and Gon accepting Killua's willingness to sacrifice and suffer for him. Definitely a case of codependency, if you revisit the definition above.

At the same time it's an indication of deep trust and understanding between the two: Gon knows that Killua wants to do this for him and he allows him to do this because he knows it has meaning to Killua. Killua knows that he's the only one Gon would ever entrust such a task to, and that means the world to him, even before Gon says his "It has to be Killua," line. And ultimately, even if it's a bit twisted, this act is all in service of Gon trying to avenge Killua being put at deadly risk.

When Gon is in front of Pitou and says the "This means nothing to you," line, this is intended to push Killua away, tell him it's not his fight. This battle is Gon's burden, he's willing to give up his life if it comes down to it, but Gon doesn't include Killua in his plans because, after all, Gon believes that it's okay if he dies, but not Killua. While the way Gon lashes out at Killua says more about his emotional state at the time than his intentions, his repeated pushing Killua away during his grief and rage is one of the ways he ironically shows love towards Killua--he doesn't want Killua to have to share this burden or die on his behalf, because he sees it as all his fault. Even when Killua contributed to what happened in a way (knocking Gon out in order to take him and leaving Kite behind, something Killua definitely blames himself for), Gon refuses to blame him even slightly.

But because Killua stakes his entire self-worth on how useful he can be to Gon (codependency), being pushed away by Gon and not allowed to share his burdens and his pain is just about the deepest wound Gon can inflict on Killua. It's not what Gon intends with his actions--if anything it's him trying to protect Killua in his own way--it's just the way their respective issues with self-esteem manifest, and it's unfortunate. It's why they need to split up for now, to heal and work through what happened, so they can come back together, communicate properly, and build a better dynamic the second time around.

Now, when discussing their codependency I think it's worth remembering some things: They are both young teens with issues with trauma and self-esteem, who haven't had close friendships prior to this. Many of the less healthy aspects of their friendship, like their lack of fully communicating for instance, are tendencies from the ways they were raised. They adore each other more than anything, they almost never intend to cause harm to each other, and the "roles" they take on in the relationship that end up hurting them are generally more self-imposed and coming out of their individual issues than something either of them is forcing the other to take on.

Their relationship has been transformative and deeply meaningful to both of them, and they're definitely happier together than apart. The issues between them need to be addressed and reflected on by both of them, but I truly believe this is something they'll be able to overcome ultimately.