#suicide survival

[ellie-says-nop]

Spent the last days of my 20s walking aound New York and going to different gay clubs and bars. I never thought I would live long enough to be able to do that. I am so grateful that I did.

So to that closeted queer 15yo I want to say happy 30th birthday honey, you made it!

[crooked-smile-girl]

It’s been weeks since I’ve had an outlet

Since they took away my phone

Led me to the van

And took me away

Baker Acted

Restrained like a criminal

For wanting an escape

Breaking promises

No one really expected me to keep

I feel quite unfinished

Somehow without words

Or energy to think them up

But I’m home now

Not the place I want to be

But the place I’m needed

Apparently

[stil-lindigo]

when people reblog donation posts and say "donate what you can", I really feel like people aren't actually internalising it. not all of us can afford to donate $50, $100, more than that. but i know for a fact that there are thousands of us that can spare $2 or $5, and that all adds up.

it hurts so much to sit here and feel the limits of our own ability. we're not millionaires. we can't instantly fund these escape attempts. but these are bids for life, by people who never asked for the hellfire being rained upon them by sadistic colonialists, greedy for oil and land. they committed no crime other than being born in palestine. and of course it's unfair, to have to shoulder the weight of people's lives when we're all struggling to get by as it is. but our governments relentlessly fail us, they fail to scrape at the bottom of their cold dead hearts for their last dregs of humanity. it is so, so unfair, but it is up to the common man to save each other.

please. look at this spreadsheet. find a fund that resonates with you. and DONATE WHAT YOU CAN.

[kurakuradon]

captain & nurse

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

One of the saddest, hardest moments of your life will be when you are crying and screaming to the world pleading for a sign.

A sign that you should stay alive for one more day, maybe a couple of days.

But that sign doesn’ t come. You stare at your phone thinking maybe someone will answer or someone will text you asking if you’re okay. You search endlessly for some reason to stay alive but you can’t find any.

That is probably the most heartbreaking moment when you can’t find any reason to stay alive when you need it most because you suddenly feel all this pain and you feel more alone than you’ve ever felt in your entire life.

That moment will break you and I don’t wish it on even my worst enemies.

[neuroticboyfriend]

as long as you're here, there is hope. as long as you're here, something can change. something can make you smile. something can give you peace. something can get better. as long as you're here, a better life is not impossible.

[daisybell-on-a-carousel]

Something about deeply suicidal character Jason Todd who usually tries going out fighting or in the self sacrificing hero way + Jason's magic swords tied to his soul where he has to cut himself with them to power them up

[poisonousquinzel]

they deserved better idc 😐

[thebibliosphere]

I really don’t understand some people who tell you to “chill out” or “relax” when you’re expressing enthusiasm or happiness about something. Like yeah, sure, maybe my excitement seems misplaced to you, but maybe I’m just a happy person. Or maybe I’m trying to engineer some sense of whimsy and relief from the relentless horrors of daily existence so I don’t kill myself.

Either way, you’re being a dickhead.

[missmisnomer]

photos taken seconds before disaster

[batwynn]

Ok well. It’s time to be honest, I guess.

My last ditch attempt has failed. My new primary dr won’t take over the Humira script even though he’s a proper DO, and I no longer have a dermatologist. I’ve discussed my future without the immunosuppressant with my Pyoderma group and it looks like it will be Very Fucking Bad when I run out of the med in March. I’m already in Pretty Fucking Bad health, so the ‘living conditions’ in this future are not going to be exactly… survivable for me. I thought it would be a more mild transition back to where I was before the Humira due to how I take it, but according to folks who had to go off of it with this condition… it completely immobilized them in a lot of ways. Like I said, I already struggle with constant, screaming pain, illness, etc. and can barely force my way through shit as it already is. I will not be ok.

As I’ve said before, I’ve contacted everyone I can, so please believe me when I say I fucking tried. I’ve tried every dermatologist in the state. I’ve asked every doctor and specialist that I had. I’ve tried to find someone out of state who I could beg my insurance to cover. I even tried to figure out how to cover the cost of someone outside of my highly limited insurance but it’s too expensive and most of them need to meet in person, thousands of miles away. I’ve spent two fucking years trying. Turns out, it’s impossible. Wild, I know.

So, yeah. I tried. But it looks like after March I’m not going to do well at all. If I’m lucky, I’ll eventually qualify for the Death with Dignity program. But I’m never fucking lucky, so it’s more likely that I will suffer even more horribly until one of these fucking illnesses finally kills me. In addition, it looks like the big fucking looser who is the US president will be cutting every other program (SNAP, MEDICARE/MEDICADE, SSI, LIHEAP, etc) that my family uses to survive because we are both extremely poor and unwell, so. Yeah. There are no more options.

What this means for you all:

I’ll be working very hard to wrap up the Accidental MerDer comic in a somewhat satisfying way before March. All the other comics are too new to wrap up, so they’ll just have to be what they are. I will continue with my Patreon until the end of March, then close it down because I will very likely be unable to keep up with creating for everyone. I’ll try to make these last few months fun, but in reality I won’t be as available to chat and such as before.

I want to spend some time being selfish, and doing things like going outside for walks and hanging out with the cats. I’d like to try to enjoy some of my shitty life while it lasts.

One last note: I don’t want any advice. I tried every possible option that I can actually do. I am also not suicidal, I tried every possible way to survive but I will eventually become too ill to do so. I feel that I have made it extremely clear, and if you send the nazi police to my door for a ‘wellness check’ as a vulnerable trans person in a rural area I will fucking find out who you are and doxx you to let everyone know what a nice little goose stepping bitch you are.

Sorry if this is upsetting, but I guess this is just the reality of being disabled and piss poor in the magnificent country called the USA. 👍

Thank you for all the years of support and friendship. I wouldn’t have made it as long as I did without your kindness.

See you around.

[beneathsilverstars]

um do you think before siffrin joined orbquest they maybe didn't care that much about the curse. like maybe they'll get caught in it maybe they won't. it's whatever.

[orangechickenpillow]

Jayce didn't have to stay. Viktor told him not to. He told him to go, told him he must go in the gentlest way imaginable, and Jayce was scared, hadn't stopped being scared since he touched the arcane, but especially then.

And he stayed. And he was terrified but he stayed. Because he couldn't imagine a universe where he was alive and Viktor wasn't.

[krotiation]

i'll genuinely never stop thinking about codependency in rhack and how it's mostly coming from jack's side. both jack and rhys treat their relationship like rhys is the one who needs jack to not just survive but also thrive, but it's really the opposite and i think that REALLY adds to how much jack twists the narrative to make it seem like rhys can't do anything without him just to keep giving rhys a reason to keep him around and trust him

[hybeana]

Dear trans people,

Please do not let the state of the world right now put you into a state of despair and hopelessness. Trans people have always survived and will continue to survive. Do what you need to do to stay safe and alive. Seek out what makes you happy. Focus on your mental and physical health if you can.

I want this message to reach all trans people. This message is not just for thin, white trans people who pass well and can afford to medically transition (although it is for them, too). This message is for trans people of color with specific, intersectional struggles that white trans people do not face. This message is for trans people who do not pass and cannot use public restrooms. This message is for trans people that are currently living in unsafe areas such as U.S. red states. This message is for Palestinian trans people who are being bombed as we speak. This message is for closeted trans people who must hide who they are for safety. This message is for mentally and/or physically disabled trans people. This message is for psychotic and schizospec trans people who are disproportionately affected by violent crimes. This message is for poor trans people who cannot afford basic amenities like food, water, and shelter, let alone adequate medical care. This message is for homeless trans people, some displaced by their own families who refuse to accept them. This message is for suicidal trans people who are considering taking their own life. This message is for all the trans people who are overlooked, underappreciated, and undervalued.

This message is for you.

Survive. Live. Thrive.

[iztea]

finally watched hannibal in the year of our lord 2025. a life altering experience. it's everything to me. top 2 fav tv shows