#suicide application

[paradoxsoar]

english & romanji lyrics below cut

(Yuuri) Tweeting the words (Zera/Yuuri) “Let me hear your thoughts as they are” (Zera) That’s what was suggested It’s not like that, it’s fine

(Tamaki) Why, why, why, why, why (Kiru) Sick, sick, sick, sick, why

(Renge) It doesn’t matter how deep I cut I can’t even die (Kamite) Too much time on my hands, useless thoughts fill my head Living is unthinkable 

(Nier) I know, I know Because We’re all the same, after all.

(Tamaki) Bathing, bathroom, and eating Even breathing (Yuuri) It’s all exhausting My

(Nier/Yuuri/Zera/Renge) Brain is burnt out In a state of disintegration Internal overdose Up until now, I should have been happy

(Kamite/Tamaki/Kiru) But now Quickly, quickly, quickly, I want to disappear  Always, always, always want to die Everything is monochrome

(Nier) Life is a pain in the ass

(Yuuri) Standing outside the yellow line (Kamite) Girls, line up single file (Renge) Holding hands, on three!

(Tamaki) On the platform, on top of the building (Kiru) In the bathroom, in the love hotel (Zera) In the car, in the ocean (Nier) Both obsession and grudges

(Renge) Which one would be the least troublesome?

(Nier/Yuuri/Zera/Kamite) My brain has always been infected Emotional breakdown Declaring “SOS” Up until now, I should have been happy

(Tamaki/Renge/Kiru) But now Everything, everything, everything is so unpleasant I want to quit it all Charisma, help me (Kamite) Life is such a pain in the ass

(Everyone) Zero, Five, Seven, Zero, Zero, Six, Four, Five, Five, Six (Suicide prevention line) x3

(Tamaki) I don’t want to die, I don’t want to live Tightening the noose and hoping the morning doesn’t come (Kiru) But, Why, why, why do I wake up I’m so depressed like this All I want is to disappear 

(Nier/Yuuri/Zera/Renge) I’m sure my brain is destroyed Emotional breakdown “A manic depressive roller-coaster” I wish the brakes would stop

(Kamite/Tamaki/Kiru) But, Sometimes, sometimes, sometimes I want to live But I also, also, also want to die Are we selfish?

(Zera) Life is a pain in the ass

(Yuuri) Aoi tori ni naguri kakeba (Yuuri / Zera) "Anata no omoi o sonomama kikasete” (Zera) Go teian sarete Sonna n janakute kekkō nandesu

(Tamaki) Nande nande nande nande nande (Kiru) Yande yande yande yande nande (Renge) Dore dake fukaku kittatte Daitai wa shinenai koto mo (Kamite) Himada to yokei na koto shika Kangae tsukanai ikimono datte

(Nier) Shitteru shitteru Datte Minna issho minna issho datte (Tamaki) O furo mo toire gohan mo Iki o suru koto sae mo (Yuuri) Zenbu ni tsukaremashita Watashi

(Nier/Yuuri/Zera/Renge) Zutto nōnai dansen Jōtai hōkai Tainai overdose Sakki made wa waraeteita hazunanoni

(Kamite/Tamaki/Kiru) Mō Sugu ni sugu ni sugu ni kietai tte Itsumo itsumo itsumo shinitai tte Monokuro ni narukara

(Nier) Ikiru no wa mendōkusaina

(Yuuri) Kīroi sen sotogawa tatte (Kamite) Onnanoko ichi retsu narande (Renge) Te o tsunaidara isse no se

(Tamaki) Hōmu mo biru no ue mo (Kiru) Yokushitsu rabuhoteru mo (Zera) Shachū mo umi no naka mo (Nier) Shūnen mo onnen mo

(Renge) Dorenara meiwaku kakenaito？

(Nier/Yuri/Zera/Kamite) Zutto nōnai kansen Kanjō hōkai Sengen “SOS” Sakki made wa waraeteita hazunanoni

(Tamaki/Renge/Kiru) Mō Zenbu zenbu zenbu fuyukai tte Nanimo kamo o subete yametai tte Tasukete yo karisuma

(Kamite) Ikiru no wa mendōkusaina

(Everyone) Zero, go, nana, zero, zero, roku, yon, go, go, roku (Inochi no denwa) x3

(Tamaki) Shinitai n janai ikitakunaino Kubiwa tsuketa mama asa ga konakereba to (Kiru) Demo Nande nande nande me ga samete Konna konna konna kanashikutte Kietaku naru no ka

(Nier/Yuuri/Zera/Renge) Kitto nōnai zenkai Kanjō hōkai “Jetto soūtsu kōsutā” Burēki ga kowarete shimaeba yoinoni

(Kamite/Tamaki/Kiru) Demo Tama ni tama ni tama ni ikitai tte Yappa yappa yappa shinitai tte Watashitachi wagamama?

(Zera) Ikiru no wa mendōkusaina

[sainteclectic]

I ❤️ giving characters self harm scars in casual art i ❤️ the portrayal of scars as a neutral thing if you draw characters with sh scars I am frolicking in the fields with you

[teethburger]

really weird angst-filled idea i had: what if peri once had a big destructive freakout/meltdown as a teenager (probably through a mix of hormonal rage and grief from missing timmy) and it was so bad that for a while after, he refused to use magic at all because he didn't want it to happen again. which led to him getting a (still fixable) amount of magical backup and almost dying. imagine how much worse it would have felt for him and his parents to see him suffering from magical backup if it wasn't the first time

[moe-broey]

Okay final thought. Sharing this snippet from my notes:

Feels...... Hauntingly relevant..................

[mayoiayasep]

actually now im pissed bc why did i waste so much of my time and energy trying to write applications for places i know im not going to. i need to kms in front of my parents fr

[dapg-otmebytheballs]

I think people forget sometimes what exactly the power dynamics in a creator-audience interaction are lol, especially with larger social dynamics coming into play

[martyrbat]

im so considerate.... (<- guy not ranting about a thing it hates before its friend is done with the media)

[heliosoll]

I received some comments on an old post about respawning so once again I'd like to explain my stance on it.

I support respawning. I don't care if you want to respawn, literally go ahead. I have a guide in my pinned on how to respawn and a post about the difference between respawning and permashifting if you'd like to try it. There are also other resources out there, just be careful about misinformation.

However, and I believe this is where the confusion starts, I don't support suicide. At all. Please understand how upsetting it is to get asks and comments from people detailing their trauma and how they want to kill themselves. It's not fun. I will not help someone commit. I'm not going to be part of that and if someone tells me they want to, then yes, I will try to dissuade them and give them alternatives.

Respawning does not equal suicide. You can respawn without committing. You can completely forget this reality without committing. You can completely detach your consciousness from this reality without committing. Everything you want to do, you can do without committing.

And again, you can also completely change your life and make it better. This blog is about manifesting and shifting, of course I'm going to tell people they can change things. You can literally respawn and then script/intend that your previous life is 100% better. There's a "solution" for every problem you could think of. Suicide is not necessary to respawn and I'm never going to tell people that they should do it.

Listen, my life wasn't perfect before I got into shifting and manifesting. I won't say exactly what, but I've been through things and I did consider respawning through death for a very long time. I'm telling you now that it's not worth it. Every single reason you have has an alternative solution that doesn't involve hurting yourself. And please, don't come at me with the "painless death" thing - emotional pain counts too. People consider suicide because they think it's the quickest thing that will get them out. They don't consider that every other "method" is also quick and instant. It's not necessary, I will never tell people how to do it, and I'd appreciate it if people stopped telling very emotionally distraught people that they need to commit to have a better life. I don't know how you think that helps more, but it doesn't.

[cosmos-fudge]

the autism won

hyperspecific poll time!

PMDD - Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder: is similar to PMS, but sufferers find it more intense and draining, often to the extent of depression and/or suicidal ideation. more information (with better explanation)

Menstrual Migraines: migraines typically before or during your period, possibly caused by fluctuations, and a drop in hormones, specifically estrogen and progesterone. more information

self diagnosis counts!!

There's no option for results or having none, if you have none you don't have to vote 👍

You're still encouraged to reblog for reach

If you have better/more inclusive sources/resources, please let me know!!

[adhdphilosopher]

im so full of anger every day that it makes it hard to function. what do i do

[megabuild]

well my fellow ethogirls we all fought our hardest but i think its time for the mass group suicide

[fragmentedblade]

No but even beyond the heathcliffean air of his story as a kid, Nelly scene and revenge fantasies included, and even beyond the identification of the self with the craft, the entire concept of Yingxing is so good.

The glimpse we get of the relationship he has with his master has so much potential. What it says about him, what it says about everyone around them, what it says about the kid.

The fact that already as a child Yingxing was vindictive, as he will be as Blade.

His self-consciousness about being a short life species, and how he is right to be self-conscious about it. How in such a short time, being so young, he's had to deal with enormous tragedy, so that he can even as a kid look the truth in the eye and admit it. Admit that he has to work harder, longer, more obsessively, and that still nonetheless there's little chance to get ever at the level of the long life species that look down on him and take him for granted. How he is able to overcome it.

It's incredible also in the context of Dan Feng. How both struggle with their identities and how they get new ones, but in totally opposite ways. Dan Feng is weighted down by what he is and what he can do, and wants to escape that fate, and dreams of a new life in which he can be something else; and Dan Heng is born. Yingxing takes pride in that which he can do, something he wasn't born into, something he had to work very hard to achieve, and that was the path to overcome the prejudices and undermining gazes he had to bear as a short life species. He crafts his place into the Xianzhou society and becomes the legendary Furnace Master. Even on a more personal level, one could argue this is his way of maneuvering his life, of expressing himself, this is how he deals with things; like his relationship with Jing Yuan having a turning point after giving him his weapon, or how he crafted that jade flask. And then he loses his ability to create and loses himself; he becomes Blade.

The fact that even as an adult, as an exceedingly arrogant craftsman, something of the shy self-conscious kid remains is both endearing and heartbreaking as well. In some ways we still see that in Blade.

We also see echoes of that personality in Mr. Xiao, who worked under him. And that alongside his craftsmanship, his ability to fix and create auromatons even though they are vanishing in the civilian landscape, live on through Mr. Xiao. And die alongside him, for Mr. Xiao too has become but a relic of another time.

The way the other stories of craftsmen enhance facets of Yingxing's is so good too. Mainly in the story of Master Ryan and Chengjie, with the insight we get of the struggles of short life species in the Xianzhou, especially those dedicated to a craft, and how hard it is for them to reach positions of prestige. It also poses the question of how we can transcend time, if it's possible at all, and how the sharing of knowledge, the passing down of skills, the shared loved, is one of the answers. This was all already significant before, but the information gains weight with the existence of Mr. Xiao. I'd argue there's echoes of Yingxing even in Master Gongshu. His love for his automatons, his sincere fondness for them, his pride on his job, his loyalty to his position and duties, the way he is both hard and stern as well as loving with his apprentices, and how he talks about short life species.

On a sort of ontological way, it's very interesting to see how Yingxing goes from craftsman to tool or weapon, from creator to creation, from subject to object. The potential in the context of Abundance/Destruction is also extremely intriguing, I think. He who created is unmade by a curse of Abundance. He who forged weapons now follows that path of destruction. There's so much going on with Yingxing conceptually around the cycles of death and rebirth, destruction and creation; it's so fitting that now Blade is stuck in such a cycle in the most literal way.

And it's so fitting too that, in all this context, given Yingxing's entire story, Blade's entire being, that which he made unmade him. That which he created and gave him so much pride was the weapon that killed him. And now he wields it himself, his tool of revenge while he follows the path to eternal and irrevocable death.

[getinthehandbasket]

I am super super not okay right now.

I'm dealing with a MASSIVE case of suicidal ideation and it's REALLY awful when your broken brain is telling you to kill yourself, and you're sitting there going "I can't form a plan because then they'll take me in for a 5150 and cause me even more debt" and I don't WANT to kill myself, but the broken part of my brain won't shut up about it.

I won't do it. Like I said, I don't even have a plan. That's partially because I can't think of anything that meets all my criteria, but also a lot because I won't *let* myself think about it so I don't think of something.

Also because I'm stubborn and spiteful and Death doesn't get to convince me to do its job for it.

So, yknow. Don't worry about me too much. If you know me IRL you don't need to call the cops or anything. Like i said, I will NEVER do something. I'm not even self-harming to try to cope with the feelings, because it's too easy to go from that to something stupid and permanent. Which I won't do. Death doesn't get to cheat like that.

But it feels like there's a war in my head and in my chest and I'm just the unfortunate farmer's field these two sides have decided to dig their trenches through.

[richkidcityfriends]

another book i want to talk about made into a film so the tags are full of "aesthetic" posts or gifs of mcu men. several dead hundreds injured.

[toxooz]

also GOOD NEWS turns out the One Week Until Eviction scare was just a false alarm and surprise surprise ✨lack of communication ✨ where as i texted her back for clarification but she said everything is fine and i aint being evicted bc she lied to the higher ups??so fuck it we ball ig its good to know she rlly does have my back to some strange extent so im still girlbossin here for another year and will have more time to build credit and look into the science of buying a house sksks

ALLL THAT BEING SAID i will start the next comic section later this week 4 SURE

[drakonovisny]

i feel like tearing my hair out