#suicidal thoughts mention? i guess?

[aphel1on]

so funny how gale pulls himself out of his suicidal slump purely by finding something new to unhealthily fixate on. just complete 180 immediate full steam ahead to the next unhinged idea. he sees that crown and goes Ok im not mentally ill anymore! 🥰 (is obviously still mentally ill. in a new and exciting way)

like people will complain about the lack of emotional resolution to the plotline and while i get it, to me that is a feature not a bug. my mans is not Emotionally Processing a fucking thing. this is the guy who had a year to brood in his tower and learned nothing. zero personal insights. act 3 gale is manically distracting himself from dealing with anything all whilst backsliding into hubris bc he is unable to comprehend a middle ground between Gods Specialest Boy and Gods Wretchedest Fool. i love him so much

[ciderjacks]

ocd is weird bc I definitely still have it, I just got really good at identifying it and shutting it down. Like I was taking down a gross medical sticker on my wall that for some reason I stuck up there last year, and my brain was like “no don’t do it. You’ll die if you do that” so I put it back on and my brain was like “or…maybe life will get way better if you take if off. And if you leave it life will get worse. Want to make that choice” and I was like really stumped over it, then suddenly I was like ohhhhh ocd you tricky devil… and tore the sticker off. I go thru this exact experience about thrice a week.

[worldofbalance]

not feeling up to making digital art at the moment. take these crude etchings of an unfashionable nature.

[jackienautism]

she would not say that ???!?!?!?!?

[irondad-defensesquad]

TRIGGER WARNING: suicidal thoughts

DO NOT SHIP PETER AND TONY. P/ROSHIP DNI.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For…” Peter tries to pick at least one reason out of the millions inside his head. He sighs, giving up, and completes, “For being me, I guess.”

Tony frowns but he’s far from annoyed. He’s hurt.

“Kid—”

“I mean,” Peter cuts him off. “It’s true, isn’t it? Me being here, my mere existence… hurts. And it hurts others. It took someone away from me. I keep trying to make up for it, hence why I’m here to begin with, to look out for the little guy… But it’s never going to be enough. I’m never going to be enough. Right?” He tears up as he says this. He’s been wanting to cry so badly all day.

Those kind of days when existing hurts. It suffocates you. Your body is imploding. It’s bleeding inside and no one can see it. You’re the only one who feels it.

“… I don’t want this anymore.”

Peter is about to leave, jump the nearest window.

But he doesn’t have the suit.

Exactly.

“Peter, where are you going? Peter,” Tony stops him, grabbing Peter’s arm. He sounds afraid, knowing what might happen if he lets go.

The boy’s chest hurts, hurts. No oxygen reaches his heart or his lungs, and it’s odd, why won’t he drop dead? Why, why?

“Hey, hey,” Tony lowers his voice.

“It hurts, Mr. Stark. You’re not going to heal it. You’re just not. Just- Just let me go, you’ll be better—”

“Don’t finish that sentence. You know I don’t feel that way.”

“Why?” Peter growls, but it sounds sorrowful, pathetic.

“Because I love you, Peter.”

No hesitation.

No. God, no.

That’s when Peter really tries to run. It’s too late—

“Peter, Peter, shh, shh—”

… And that’s also when he realizes, he doesn’t want to run, does he?

Why keep running? Why?

It’s just going to hurt like fucking hell.

Peter sobs painfully, clogged. After all, he can’t breathe.

“Come here. Come here, buddy.”

And when these specific arms get a hold of him, Peter stops resisting.

“I know it hurts. I know it hurts, Pete, I’m sorry it does.”

The kid just breaks down without letting out any sensical words. Tony holds him tightly.

“It’s not forever, it’s going to—”

“It WON’T!” Peter yells. “It’s NEVER GOING AWAY! NEVER!” He’s reduced to sobs once more. “It’s not going away…”

Tony doesn’t reprimand him for screaming at him. He doesn’t expect him to apologize. Why?

“Okay. But one thing I can tell you, and that it won’t be a lie,” the man pulls him closer, nuzzling his shoulder, “that I’m 100% - no, 1000% sure… is that I’ll be here. I’ll be here to listen. I see your pain, kid. I see you. The you no one knows.”

I know how hard it is to not be seen, Tony adds without verbalizing any of it. God, do I know.

Peter can… breathe.

A little bit.

A little.

He’s not dying. He’s not dying.

You won’t die on my watch, Tony has stated this again and again.

Peter lets out more tears, way more.

“Yeah, let it all out. Let it out.” I’ll be here, I’m here, I’m here. Tony is rubbing his back in circles.

It’s going to leave a mess on Tony’s shirt, it’s going to give him headaches, a heart attack, he won’t sleep well—

Stop. Stop. Stop.

He’s telling you it’s fine.

It’s fine.

It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay.

All he wants is for you to be okay.

That’s all that matters.

It should matter to you.

It should.

You’re going to be okay.

You’re breathing. You’re breathing.

It hurts, but you are.

Keep going.

Keep going.

You’re not alone.

There comes the time there’s no mortal danger looming at his door. Tony blasted it away. It’s not dead. But it’ll leave him alone for now.

Tony still keeps Peter close, murmuring things not a soul can hear but the broken teen.

Peter breathes the oil, the sweat, the coffee, the colognes, the shampoo.

Easy. Easy.

Tony may let go, but not really, as he takes off his old MIT sweater and puts it on Peter. And he’s rubbing Peter’s back again, so he can feel double hugged.

The teen is breathing. In. Out. In. Out.

And Tony is kissing his head.

“You did good. You did good, Pete.”

And I’m proud of you, I am.

Even like this. Even like this.

He’s proud of you.

Maybe you don’t feel that way about yourself now…

But it’s good to know someone sees it. Even after everything they saw in you.

You’re worthy.

Worthy. Worthy.

It’s something you can easily forget, but you’re worthy. You’re real. You’re being seen now.

You are seen. And you are loved.

[purpurussy]

.

[snowyvoid]

i understand why people write hurt/comfort whump what if they died together etc etc fics. however. what if the character got to complete all of the things they wanted. what if they got their love interest, finished that artwork theyve been working on, completed their transition in the fullest sense they could, etc, etc, etc, and yes they are still chronically suicidal but they are here and alive and theyve gone through everything and they are only living out of spite but that means they are alive. their crying means they are alive. what if you dont need to be happy and okay and beautiful and human to be alive. what if they got evrythinf they wanted and they hated it all but they where still alive. and what if in all those years where they are living out of spite they start to realise oh my god i actually find this kinda fun. what if they watched the sunset and thought to themself thank god i hated myself so much that i forced myself to be alive and miserable. because i know that in a few months thibgs are going to go to shit again, but right here, right now, i am still breathing and i can feel the sun and everything is beautiful even when it hurts.

[vorakh]

depression super sucks because if you cope with it decently people will say it's normal and you are making it for no reason, but if you don't cope with it well enough people will ask you to stop because it makes them uncomfortable. sorry my depression is inconveniencing you i guess.

[maddy-ferguson]

talking to new people again is making me realize that (this is gonna sound dramatic) i haven't lived in five years but what i have done is watch a lot of movies and read a bunch of books and believe it or not that actually makes me an interesting conversationalist in some ways (?)

[technicalthinker]

something about the new last week tonight thumbnail looking like john oliver himself is talking me off the ledge feels incredibly fitting

[souryellows]

the fact that i have by most metrics lived a pretty charmed life w no real hardship makes the near constant urge to like. fling myself from the roof of a tall building that much more embarassing like great job hogging attention and resources from people with real problems, asshole

[angeart]

... I would like to know about your OCs... pretty please?

-🎀

ribbon anon my dearest!! you wanna hear about them? 🥺🥰

the drawn characters are rei hayden and raven hayden, and they're meant to be twins. "meant to be" because... well, let's backtrack a little.

the story on raven's side starts on one fated new years eve. he's spending it alone, unhappy, contemplating his life. he makes an unwise and impulsive wish, yearning for something different.

this wish yoinks him and transports him to a very scary place <3 but dw! there's a guide person! and he recognises raven (which is odd :3c) and keeps saying this is a place for lost souls.

but he also says raven isn't lost.

the place kind of turns into a nightmare, the world shifting and reshaping around raven, and– there's a maze, and rising water, and lots of mirrors, except every single of his reflections looks different and acts on their own. (and not in a good way. they look kind of desperate.)

i'm trying to be concise here, so let me just say he gets out of this mid-world (by drowning while staring at one of his reflections that looks so so sad <3) and wakes up... in a bed. in an unfamiliar apartment. with a person with his face telling him to hurry up and get ready for school.

so! huh. that's weird.

raven's never had a brother, least of all a twin, but here rei is, flesh and blood, looking at raven in a way only an annoyed family member can.

here's some fun bits about the story:

raven is considered to have an irregular amnesia where he occasionally forgets everything about his life. this alludes to this not being the first time something odd has happened to some raven in this world. it's also not medically accurate, because, spoiler alert, it's not amnesia. and our raven remembers his life, and this wasn't it, thank you very much.

rei is the irresponsible brother. the troublemaker. the lone wolf. he also gets into fights and has enemies. he tries to reaaaally sell that he doesn't care.

raven kind of sees through that lie, gradually at first, then more steeply.

raven has a digital watch that stopped working the moment he was spirited away. which is 8 seconds before midnight on new years eve. it's his only possession that's carried over.

the new years eve hasn't happened here yet. it's before christmas.

you'd think this world is Nice and Safe and Normal, besides all that, but wrong! raven still sometimes catches his mirror reflection moving of its own accord, and he hears voices behind his back, and feels phantom touches that sometimes feel a bit too real. let's not forget about the nightmares.

he's exhausted and confused and scared and it's getting worse.

basically, he doesn't belong in this reality. these are the ways in which this reality is rejecting him, absolutely messing with his perception <3

there's a lot more going on here, about why he's here, and what happened before, and what the voices are actually telling him, etc.

there are other characters too! (but i tend to draw mostly just raven kjxbnk) the other characters include:

evia, a bullied girl with a horrible home life who just wants to escape it all, and gets tangled in with rei thinking he might be her ticket out (seeking out protection, even for the price of being used)

nick, a gang leader who doesn't shy away from violence, thinking rei needs to pay for some things he did in the past and learn his lesson (his methods are questionable; he's ready to hurt and destroy anything in rei's vicinity to prove his point and bring rei down to his knees)

and kye, nick's friend, who's genuinely only trying to do a good thing, but agrees with nick that rei needs to be stopped. he tries to take people away from rei safely, in order to protect them from the blast zone of this mess, convinced rei doesn't really care about them anyway.

here's a 2022 art of raven as a bonus <3

[beautifulbows924]

Hey anon. Please, don’t do this.

I am a person. And although you couldn’t have possibly known, suicide is a common occurrence in my family’s history, and I have attempted in the past.

[posletsvet]

You know, I read a theory that even makes sense that Kenjaku has an agreement with Geto and that Geto is conscious and knows what's going on, but I think Geto doesn't want to wake up because he has no motivation on earth, he lost his daughters and his Friend, I think he knows what's happening but he doesn't want to go back. What do you think of this theory? sorry for the text

Hi there, anon!!

Kenjaku having to enter a Binding Vow with a previous host (even if they manifest as no more than a lingering apparition in a form of muscle memory and whatnot) when changing bodies is quite an interesting suggestion! It somewhat ties neatly into the 'body vs. soul' discourse we've seen established in the manga. The two are repeatedly rendered inseperable within the story, two sides of the same coin, so whereas Kenjaku's Cursed Technique encompasses the physical body, something else may be needed to bind the soul. This would imply that Kenjaku's immortality is not entirely a product of their innate abilities, but a result of innovation and inventive application of those. How much experimentation did it require for them to figure out optimal conditions for that vow? That seems to be very much in Kenjaku's 'mess-around-and-find-out' fashion, if you ask me. And though I myself gravitate towards a different interpretation -- one that views this 'soul-binding' process as an organic, built-in effect of Kenjaku's CT -- since we don't know the exact mechanics of it, this theory has a right to exist!

Moving on to your next point, I strongly agree with your assessment that Geto has no motivation/desire to carry on with his life. Perhaps 'meaning' in this case would be a quite fitting word, too, because if he was to ever come back to life his resumed existence would lack, at least in his own view, that very thing -- meaning. Justifying past actions and past mistakes retroactively, trying to assign some greater meaning to what was rather an impulsive, emotionally driven reaction of someone who was struggling mentally for a long time with no one batting an eye, compartmentalizing complex reality into imaginary categories -- doing all that Geto essentially ran himself into a corner, a mental dead-end. In an attempt to validate himself and perhaps shut out the overwhelming sense of guilt that would otherwise eat him alive, Geto made delusional, twisted reasoning the core truth of his existence, a basis for his purpose.

What I find particularly interesting is that Geto, being himself the victim of the jujutsu society's dysfunctional system, clearly recognised its shortcomings, but attributed those to a factor only partially at fault. The telltale sign of that, as I see it, would be his confession that he never held any spite against those in Jujutsu High. This renders Geto's antagonism towards non-sorcerers misplaced. The system was put in place for a reason, it's true, but those in favour of whom that system was established should not be held accountable for its injustices. Instead of trying to improve the order, Geto opted for eliminating the reason it exists in the first place.

Where that leaves him is caught up in a struggle to achieve the impossible, breach that accursed gap between the ideal and reality. Even if Geto's goal wasn't impossible for anyone but one person alive, Gojo Satoru, his decade-long endeavour to wipe all non-sorcerers out of existence would still be in vain, meaningless. Because that simply would bear no fruit in regard to fixing the corrupt mentality that rules over the sorcerers' world.

And if it all was for nothing, just fumbling desperately for some solution, for some relief of the burden thrust upon his fellow sorcerers, futile in the end? What if what he put his life on the line for was never going to solve anything, what if he was not reaching anything with it? What if he was wrong all along? It is straight-up terrifying, to drown and erase yourself fully in pursuit of your goal and understand that all you've done, you've done in vain, misguided, wrong. And Geto couldn't undo what he'd done. He could not afford to look back, to slow down, to revaluate and reset, try to set things right. Acknowledging his fault would've been like staring into the sun. So he didn't. He kept pushing forward until he simply no more could. That's why, in my view, Geto's plan regarding the Night Parade of a Hundred Demons reads as low-key passively suicidal. He chose a meaningful way to end his life -- one that would entrust his legacy to his family, make his goals, his ideal, known to both sides. In that regard, his death is no different from Gojo's: he dies so that his dream could live on. Little did he know that this too, in fact, would be meaningless.

[brainfilehasstoppedworking]

The suicidal thoughts came back

[biohazard-inevitable]

What I see when I wake on the other Side

With my bones too large for my body

My skin too taught

My flesh will rot

And I forever reach for something I’m not

My dreams are filled with terror and dread

I scream within how I

“Wish for Death”

And wake knowing I dont.

The shadows I see stretch across the floor

I search and I search forevermore

Until I tuck against myself and see

Yet another version looking back at me

His face so long

His bones so white

Moss clings to him and his eyes shed light

He stares at me through a curious tilt

His tongue snakes out and words are hissed

“You are me and I am you

Fear not, for I am what awaits beyond

I am everything and nothing and whatever inbetween

I’m exactly what you want but never what you need

I am time and space and endless breath

I am you you’re me

We are endless death”

His fur is an inky curtian

His spines jutt out across his back

His neck snaps and creaks and wails at me

He reaches down, claws spread out

He picks me up and pats me down

“Your sun has yet to set

Your dusk to come

Live on and rot

So you return to sand”

He is I and I am him

Our flesh is different

Yet our minds are Kin