#i got no money and I hate myself and every day i wake up with the horrible intrusive thoughts

[ghcstcd]

How many people kill themselves over money problems because man do I get it.

[growth-opportunities]

A girl becomes addicted to her breasts getting bigger, and her second puberty aides her in becoming ginormous (talking hyper-sized, if possible - as big as you desire)

I genuinely don't understand how every girl doesn't get addicted to the feeling of their breasts growing. I was pretty much hooked the morning I outgrew my first bra. There was something... empowering about it. I don't know if I can fully describe it. The actual bra was uncomfortable, sure, but knowing that I was too big for it, subtle bulges around the edges... god. It was the first time in my entire life that I felt sexy. I was literally too sexy for my clothes and, fuck, it felt amazing. That was when I first started fantasizing about being properly huge, waiting until my parents went to bed and awkwardly searching the internet for "what happens when bigger than Z cup". But, as much as I wanted it, genetics had other plans.

It should have been a little bit obvious, in hindsight, but greed had blinded my young eyes. As I learned while snooping through the laundry, my older sister stopped growing at a C. My mom wore D-cup bras, but I'm pretty sure that was mostly from having kids and, while I was willing to do a lot for bigger tits, that seemed a little extreme. I was never going to huge like I had imagined, like I had dreamed, like I had prayed. My growth pretty much petered out at a large B/small C depending on the brand. That was all that genetics had deigned to give me and I can't pretend that I wasn't disappointed. No matter how many of my friends reassured me that I was "the perfect size" and they "fit my frame", that wasn't what I wanted. I wanted big. I wanted huge. I wanted the kind of tits that would make even the most hardened of hentai-consuming perverts (a crowd that I quickly found myself part of) wonder if it wasn't a little much.

But I wasn't about to take it lying down.

I got a job at a cafe to "save money for college", but every last penny I had went to buying supplements online. The unruly guests, making my cheeks hurt with forced smiles, doing everything I could to maintain my customer service voice, all of it was worth it in pursuit of a singular goal. Creams and lotions, pills and supplements, anything that even remotely promised growth was hastily ordered in lust-fueled hazes late at night. Shady sites stole my credit card info, like, three times and I was almost positive most were sugar pills or snake oil, but the joke about a man actually inventing penis-enlarging pills and having no way to market it stuck in my brain. If there was one breast growth supplement out there that was 100% legit then by god I was going to find it.

And, despite the incredible odds, it did work! To an extent. I managed to push my tits to a very swollen DD. Constantly massaging my breasts, kneading various lotions into my skin made them incredibly sensitive. If I hadn't already been obsessed with my tits, that level of sensitivity would have made it so. I could feel them bouncing and sloshing in my bras constantly. As much as I hated them, bras were a must. I didn't care about the 'modesty' or whatever, but feeling my shirt casually rub against my nipples all fucking day drove me insane. There were days where I didn't leave me room, just played with my tits until I came over and over again. Eventually, I'd stagger out at some point in the evening to rehydrate before crawling back into my cave, teasing my nipples and fantasizing about being double, triple, orders of magnitude bigger. I tried my best to come to terms with the fact that this is probably as busty as I'd ever be. Until, one morning, it wasn't.

I can still remember waking up and feeling that weight on my chest. As many times as I had dreamed about it, I didn't know what it was like until I finally felt it, that kind of heft on my chest. My jaw dropped open when I pulled back the covers and saw what had become of my tits. They doubled in size. Overnight. They literally looked inflated, almost unnaturally round, my skin red and covered in a web of veins. The sensitivity was mind-blowing. I could feel the air moving over my skin and it was just... woof. Between the size and the sensitivity, I had to get myself off immediately. Twice. Usually post-nut clarity had never hit me too hard previously, mostly just disappointment at my impossible fantasies, but that day it hit me like a freight train. Something wasn't right.

A few doctor's visits and some blood work later and I had an answer. I never admitted to taking the supplements, though my doctor was skeptical; he had never seen anything like this in someone whose thyroid wasn't full of holes. It turns out that, while the pills didn't really do much, all of the hormones that were in them were just sort of sitting in my system. If I had only taken one or two, they would have been flushed out pretty easily. But I was taking more than a dozen different pills. I was unknowingly adding more and more kindling to the pyre, adding in the hormonal equivalent of gasoline and thermite, just waiting until it reached critical mass and self-ignited. It was enough to trigger what was essentially a second puberty, my body starting to flood with self-made hormones outside of the supplements, but thanks to the variety of topical creams and lotions, it would be contained almost entirely in my breasts.

I was fairly silent on the car ride home, though I did whimper a bit when we hit a pothole. I trudged up to my room, carefully disrobed myself. My eyes were glued to the mirror, unable to take my eyes off of myself. Titflesh overflowed my palms, bulged out between my fingers, there was just so much of it. I could barely come to terms with the fact that all that was me. That thought alone nearly made me cum. The rest of the day was a lust-fueled frenzy. My pussy was largely neglected, focused entirely on my tits to get myself off over and over and over again. It felt incredible. The reality would come later, but I was too busy cumming then.

Unlike my first go 'round, which was painfully slow, my second puberty wasted no time. I was putting on at least an inch of bust every day. Sometimes, if I sat very still and held my breath, I swear I could watch them swelling in front of my eyes. Within a week, they were big enough to reach my bellybutton and, a week after that, they were almost at my hips. I was eating like a glutton, but I had to; my growing udders were taking up every calorie I put into my body. At some point, I started staying in my room not just because I was spending every hour of the day masturbating but because I had outgrown not just all of my clothes, but even our beach towels weren't bit enough to cover my tits. I could feel, every day, as the weight pulled heavier on my shoulders, nearly dragging me off my feet as they slid off my lap. I could feel my mobility slipping away, which would have been more frightening if it wasn't so arousing.

So anyway, that about brings things to now! My breasts are still technically growing, though at this size, it's kind of hard to notice an extra inch or two. I haven't officially measured these things in ages, so I can only guess that I'd have gone around the alphabet a few dozen times by now. I'm big enough that each, individual tit is big enough for me to use as a bed with room left over. Reaching my nipples is a workout, having to gather up so much titflesh in my hands and arms to get to them, though I rarely make it all the way there. I tend to get a little 'distracted'. The irony is that, after all this time, finally experiencing what it's like to be big has actually cooled me a little bit on the enormous fantasies. I mean, I'm already living the dream! Outside of just "bigger", there wasn't much left to explore on that avenue.

I have been taking a recent interest in lactation, though...

[bosinclairsgff]

Slashers Reacting to self harm scars Pt. 2

MAJOR WARNING FOR SELF HARM

Includes : Thomas Hewitt, Norman Nordstrom, Mark Hoffman, Herbert West

Warnings: Kidnap

You have been staying with the Hewitt family for a few months now. You had a daily routine, waking up early, doing your daily chores and spending your evening with Tommy. It had been a particularly hard week on the farm, Hoyt was being extremely difficult and hateful towards you. Tommy had been working super late every night and the heat was starting to make you feel sick. Everything combined just pushed you over the edge, so you did the only thing you could think of. You hadn’t relapsed in so long and really disappointed in yourself. Before starting dinner you went to change into a long sleeve top, even though you were burning up. Of course at dinner, Hoyt was the one to point out said long sleeve shirt. “Why the fuck do ya have on a damn long sleeve shirt in the middle of a Texas summer? I know damn sure ya ain’t cold girl.” He spits out making you cringe. Tommy simply grunted in response and that seemed to shut him up. After washing and cleaning up after dinner you decided to head to bed for a early bedtime. Surprisingly you found Tommy waiting for you in your shared room. “What are you doing up here love?” You question while making your way to the bed to sit next to him. He grunts in response. Being satisfied, you lean in and kiss his cheek. He leans into you. Getting up to take of your clothes, you start with your pants then shirt. Completely forgetting about earlier but it was to late you had taken your shirt off and by the angry grunt you heard you knew you had seen them. “I…I can explain!” No one did this to me I swear Tommy, I did it to myself.” You started frantically explaining. Immediately confusion and pain came to his eyes. Why? He questions with a tilt of his head. Tears start to fill your eyes as you try to find the words to explain to him. “I just was so stressed out and overwhelmed, I did the on,y thing I could think of. I’m sorry. I’lol try not to do it again.” You look down. Hearing the bed creak you knew he had gotten up from sitting down. When he got to you, he pulled you into a hug. Not being able to hold back the tears they streamed down your cheeks. The next day he made you let Luda May clean up the wounds. She scolded you but out of pure love for you. The next few weeks everyone was nicer and kept a close eye on you.

Norman had found you trying to break into his home a few days ago. Since then you’d been locked up in his basement, confined to a small padded area. Everyday he’d bring food, water and water his plants. Begging didn’t seem to work with him. You tried explaining you were hungry and needed money, that you didn’t mean him any harm at all. He never listened. Today he brought down a new set of clothes for you and a wash cloth. Even he must have noticed you were starting to stink. Your arms were tied behind your back, legs were free. You couldn’t fight back even if you tried, he was so much stronger than you. You were completely at a disadvantage anyways, having your hands tied. “I’m going to wash you off and change your clothes. If you try to do anything, I will hurt you.” He states in his low voice. You whimper in response. With that he comes into my little corner of the dark world. His hands travel up my legs looking for my jeans buttons and zipper. Once he found it he starts removing my pants, underwear with them. “Wait, wait, why my underwear please I need them.” You cry out. He says nothing. Reaching for the wash cloth he brought you, he began washing your lower half. Kindly, he avoided your most intimate parts, never going above your lower thighs. After he was done he pulled out a pair of boxers and some sweatpants. Norman also pulled out duck tape, bringing your feet together and wrapping them tightly with the tape. He then un did your tied hands, letting you finally stretch your arms out. Reaching for the new shirt he instructed you to take your shirt and bra off. You had no other choice but to obey. “I’m done, I took them off” you whisper. Taking the wash cloth he finds your arms but stops when he feels the light scars. They were to many of them to be a cat scratch or a accidental cut. “Why would you do this to yourself?” Norman questions. Staying silent and holding back tears, he grips your arm tightly. “Answer me. Now.” He barks out. “I was in so much pain, I just needed to get it out. Please your hurting me, let go.” You say slightly sobbing. Satisfied he let go. He didn’t say anything but finished cleaning you and dressing you. Getting up to leave, he turns back towards you. “You never have to do that again.”

You had been dating Mark for about a 6 months. Moving in with him after three months of being together. You’ve gotten closer to him than anyone has in a very long time. He cares about you so much, he’d die for you, kill for you. Mark knew you had struggled with self harm in the past, he’s seen the scars. You’d told him you had gotten better however and stopped doing that stuff. But, Mark had been neglecting you lately and things at work for you had been so hectic. With so much going on and feeling that you had no one to turn to, you cut again. You didn’t know how you’d hide it from him, you didn’t care at the time. As soon as you heard his keys Turing in the lock though, you cared. Frantically you looked for a long sleeve shirt. Just as he walked in you found one. “Y/n? I’m home, are you here?” He calls out. “Yes! I’m changing I’ll be there in a sec babe.” You respond. Fuck, why did you do that. What will you tell him if he see? You two have your normal after work conversations. He had brought Chinese takeout home for dinner. While reaching for plates to eat on your shirt revealed a bit of your arm, you didn’t notice but Mark did. “Y/n, what are those marks on your arm?” He questions but he already knows the answer. You freeze not knowing what to say. “Why would you do that. I thought we had moved on from such foolish behavior. You are an adult now, you cannot keep acting out like this, you know better y/n.” He shakes his head disapproving of your poor choices. “I’m sorry Mark, I was so stressed I didn’t know what else to do. Please don’t be mad I’m sorry.” You say holding back tears. He gets up and pulls you into a hug. “Either you control yourself of you’ll end up in some hospital where someone else will control you. That’s your decision. I love you, let’s eat.” He says letting go.

Herbert was always so busy with work. He would come home and go straight to the basement, to go and do more work. It seemed like he never had time for you, more like he’d never make time for you. To be honest you didn’t even know what you guys were. Sure you lived together and slept in the same bed but half the time he’d talk to you as if you were a dumb child. It was tiring always being talk down to. Yes Herbert was an extremely intelligent man but you weren’t dumb either. Anyways, with the stress of normal everyday life and having a man who constantly treats you badly you finally relapsed. You hadn’t planned on cutting again, it just happened. To be honest you didn’t even think he’d care if he saw it, you wanted him to though so badly. It was almost midnight when Herbert got home. You were still up watching tv in the living room. “Y/n? Why are you still up? It’s almost midnight. Go to bed.” He said calmly, more like ordered. “I wanted to see you and maybe we could go to bed together. You always come to bed so late, I miss you. Please?” You question. Herbert pauses for a moment thinking. “You know I have a lot of work to do y/n. You can’t be selfish with my time.” He states. You scoff at the comment he made. “How can I be selfish with your time? I never get any of it. You are always in that damn basement or at work. I go to bed, the bed is empty. I wake up, the bed is empty. We don’t even really live together.” You say as you feel the tears starting to form. He’s taken back by this sudden outburst. The living room was dark, only the tv lighting up the room. Herbert flipped on the light switch. That’s when he saw your arm. He’s whole demeanor changed. Walking up to you he grabbed you by the shoulders. “Why the hell would you do something so, so, stupid!? What if they got infected or what if you cut to deep, huh? Then what? Do you want to die y/n!” He shouts. You couldn’t stop the tears. You’ve never seen him so angry and hurt. “I need to clean these up.” He calmly states while dragging you to the bathroom. The room is silent aside from Herbert getting  alcohol to clean the cuts with from the cabinet. “This will burn, you probably won’t mind though considering you did this in the first place.” He says coldly. It did sting, you cry out and try to pull away but he holds you in place. “Nu huh, you don’t get to run from it. You wanted to feel pain, so feel pain.” He whispers in your ear. You’ve never seen him act so coldly towards you. After the burning went away he wrapped your arms with gauze to make sure it stays clean. Herbert walked you to the bedroom and made the bed for you. “I want you to go to bed now y/n. I’m very disappointed in you. I never want to see you do something so stupid again. Do you understand me?” He questions. You only nod in response.

[xoxo-sarah]

Ms. Perfect

↝a/n: this is an old idea that I had in the back of my notes app. Oops.

↝pairing: Daryl Dixon x fem!reader

↝warning: death, widow!Reader, apocalypse, mean! Daryl, swearing, not proofread

|| Disclaimer: I do not own Daryl, or any character from The Walking Dead. I only own y/n and any characters I create with my own brain. ||

↝⎙ 4.23.24

Daryl wasn't sure why he hated you so much. You were nice to everyone around you, even understanding. But the sight of you makes the blood in his veins boil.

It became a routine; you and him sniping at each other, digging up trauma neither of you really wanted to. He just got under your skin. Like now.

“Sorry, in case you haven' noticed, the world ain't all rainbows and sunshine anymore. We don't shit money to buy the newest thing. Life is different, Doll. Get used to it.” He drawled, his eyebrows scrunched together.

There he goes again.

You weren't even talking to or about him, but he had heard you. That had been enough for him to butt in, apparently.

Ever since you had stumbled your way into Daryl's group early on, Daryl had had it out for you. At the creek, he would be pointing out how your hair had to have been done recently. Your jewelry, clothes, how smooth your skin looked from the expensive moisturizers and night creams you had to use, your newly manicured nails- ignoring the dirt and blood underneath-, and the shine in your eyes. You didn't have the shine at first, but when you would hang out with Carol, you would smile, and the recent glazed look was gone.

Your eyes shone brightly like the stars in the countryside. Not that you would know. You probably never had the chance to see how bright the stars shone in the city.

You were unbothered by the people at the campsite, keeping to yourself. You didn't have to worry about anything when the world was built for your liking and convenience.

Daryl despised you and that god-awful rock on your finger that could feed him for probably 6 months to a year. He glared at the ring every chance he got���so much so that you eventually yanked it off, throwing it in the murky pond.

Even after leaving the campsite, you stayed with the group, arguing with Daryl along the way.

“I get it, you're used to having people do everything for you, but we're not always going to be with you, Princess. Sorry life now is so much different from your perfect life before.” For a quiet guy, he always had so much to say to you. All negative.

You bit your cheek, glancing from Maggie—who you were originally talking to—to the dirty man in front of you. "Yeah-I had the perfect life. I had the fiancé that I couldn't wait to marry. I had the apartment that I had the luxury to design with my mother, gushing about the difference wallpapers." You smiled at the memory. Your mother had been so happy for you. "I had the fluffy dog that had its own room. I had the dad who would always talk about playing catch with his future grandchild. I had the money where I didn't have to worry about anything in life." You didn't falter as you felt behind your eyes begin to burn. " I did, alright? I had the life that almost every little girl dreams about. But it was yanked out of my hands, like everyone else's. One day, I didn't wake up to my fiancé kissing me, or the smell of burnt toast-- cause he didn't know how to cook. I woke up to him nowhere in sight. Instead, I heard yelling outside the door, car horns honking outside of the windows. When I opened the door, I saw my neighbors with white eyes, growling and clawing at the skin of the man I was going to marry and grow old with. His screams will haunt me 'til the day I die. But you will not ever hear me feeling bad for myself. I did have the perfect life, but that doesn't matter now. So, get over -yourself-, cause I am just trying to survive just like you."

Daryl watched your eyes gloss over, your nostrils flare. You were rightfully pissed. And right. He hadn't heard you weep for your past-- ever. You had jumped right into survival mode as soon as he laid eyes on you. You had held your own too- most people called you a badass, Daryl wouldn't let himself verbally agree. With that, you turned and walked away. Maggie shuffled awkwardly, glancing from you to Daryl. She wore a disappointed frown.

Weeks. You ignored his existence for weeks, 2 weeks to be exact. Everytime he would go up to you, you would walk away. Even if you were in the middle to a conversation. The person you were talking to wouldn't mind, really. They would've known about your bitter back-and-forth. They wouldn't think anything of it.

Daryl just wishes you would give him a chance to at least try to apologize. After you had let your walls down and told him about what the end of the world was like for you, he felt bad - pathetic, even. He was so jealous about how you lived before the outbreak, he didn't care about how it had affected you. He should've.

The moonlight led him towards your house, his hands fidgeting. The streets were silent, everyone already in bed. He hadn't been able to sleep. The thought of you kept him up in a different way than before.

His knuckles hovered over your door. You had to be in bed. Was it worth it? You would probably be too tired to yell at him. He knocked.

It took a minute for the door to open. You stood, rubbing sleep from your eyes, a sleep frown on your face. At the sight in front of you, your hand dropped, your sleepy eyes immediately rolling in annoyance. "Oh my god-" You tried to close the door, but his boot caught it before it could close all the way. "Move your foot, Dixon."

"Listen." His eyes were pleading, something you weren't used to. You kept the door open when he reluctantly moved his boot. " 'm sorry."

You scoffed, Sure, you are."

" 'm serious. " He looked at the floor as he brought his hand up, turning it and showing his hand. "Not sure why I kept it." At the sight of your ring, tears bordered your eyes. Your head pressed against the side of the door as your body shook with a silent sob. Daryl didn't look at you. He let you grieve for whatever you wanted to in that moment. He let you have that moment. After your sobs died down, his calloused hand took yours, opening your hand and dropping the ring into your palm.

"You're a dick." You hiccupped.

"I know." 

•2021-2024 by xoxo-sarah on Tumblr•

•My work is not to be translated, copied, modified, and/or reposted on any other site without my permission. [I don't give permission!]

[i-cant-sing]

Okay okay, time for me to word vomit an idea:

So imagine that after Dabi does his whole vengeful arc, kills dozens of people and publicly calls out Enji's abusive ass, my man just gets caught by the cops and he's like put in a psychiatric hospital (because obviously Enji pulled some strings to save his son from death row to ease his own guilt).

Anyways, Dabi is like majorly depressed obviously and he's like "well, I've done everything I wanted to, so I might as well off myself" and cue reader's entry.

So basically, reader could be a nurse/doctor(NOT A PSYCHIATRIST) and she's all warm and fuzzy and a literal Ray of sunshine and Dabi hates her, but he doesn't give a crap atm.

And like everytime Dabi tries to kill himself, reader is there to stop him. It obviously started with "nooo, please don't kill yourself🥺 you are precious🥺🥺" to reader just swooping in and foiling his plans like "can you not die during my shift? I need an early night off🥱". Dabi is actively trying to kill himself, like he's standing on the ledge to jump, and reader is tackling him down and then punching him for making you run all the way up to the roof.

And like reader is bandaging him up with great gentleness and care and Dabi is staring at her being all close to him (he is mesmerised), and he goes-

"I'll be successful in my suicide one day."

And you just smile and shake your head. "Not as long as I'm praying." And at first, Dabi is super annoyed because he's think you're into the whole religious mumbo jumbo, but he actually caught you one day praying (insert whatever religion) and he's bewitched by the sincerity you pray for his (and others) well being. As if you believed with your whole heart that someone up there is listening to you.

He doesn't know what or when exactly he fell for you, but he did. And he decides that he'll confess to you after he gets out of psychiatric hospital (after tugging at Rei's and Enji's heart strings and them using money and influence to free their menace son). After spending 6 years in the hospital, 6 years where you were the only one who truly cared for him, he'll finally confess to you.

But then you don't come. Not even the next day, or the week after that. Turns out, you left your job.

Out of the blue? Dabi's suspicions rose.

He got out of the hospital and began doing his own research on you until he found your address and well... he sort of came in unannounced (look he knocked, you didn't answer, so he melted the lock and let himself in. At least he came in bearing flowers and wine).

He wasn't expecting you to be at home, but there you were, lying in your bed, a little too still for someone to be asleep.

He throws the covers off you, eyes narrowing on the red stains on your sheet before moving to your bleeding wrists.

Dabi's world stops, every cell in his body stops before every fiber in his being screams and makes him move. He doesn't check for pulse, doesn't check if you're still breathing, perhaps he'd die himself if he didn't like the answer he found. He picks you up and immeadiately goes to the nearest hospital, which fortunately was near.

While you were being operated on, Dabi sat outside, heart thumping as he prayed to whatever deity you did.

Please... not yet.

His prayers were answered as tge doctors told him that you're going to be alright... physically that is. Mentally? Well, Dabi is about to figure it out.

He sat by your side waiting for you to wake up. When you finally did, he saw how different you looked. Obviously he had noticed that you were physically weak, but your eyes... they lost their shine.

Your eyes turned to confusion when you looked at him. "D-Dabi? What are you-"

"I found you." That was enough for you to put together what he meant. You turned your eyes away from him, ashamed.

"Why?" He asks in a quiet tone. "What made you do it?"

"My choices." You whispered. "Bad decisions in the past."

Dabi wanted to pry more out of you, but he knew you wouldn't explain more. So, he takes matter into his own hands and leaves the hospital, telling you that he needs to run some errands, but he's actually going back to your apartment and starts rummaging through your stuff to find some clues as to what exactly caused you to do this.

He didn't have to look around too much because he found your phone and snooped through your messages. Someone was blackmailing you. They had some explicit pictures of you, seems like a toxic ex who was threatening to share these photos with your family and social circle.

So Dabi pays a visit to your ex, takes care of him and the pictures he had,making sure to get rid of all the copies too. All in a day!

By night he had returned to the hospital, you were asleep. He slept there too, in the uncomfortable hospital chair, heart at peace as he watched your chest rise and fall steadily.

Next morning, when it was time for you to leave, Dabi helped you and took you home. You thanked him for everything, and Dabi made sure to tell you that he'll be picking you up for lunch later. You agreed hesitantly. And at lunch, he finally revealed that he came to you because he wanted to ask you out.

You look surprised, more so when he reveals that he had fancied you for a while and that he understands that relationships might not be a priority for you at the moment but-

"I understand if dating is not a priority for you right now but if you ever do consider falling in love, know that I've been on the top of your wait list for the past 6 years and will wait another lifetime if that's all the time you need."

You're in tears at his words, and you have a hard time not breaking down as he takes your hands in his, his thumbs carefully tracing over your bandaged wrists as he promises to wait by your side, that he'll always be there to help you with anything, that if you gave him a chance, he'll spend the rest of his life trying to make you happy.

"Dabi, i- I am not good for you." You say, voice wobbly. "My past, it'll always haunt me and I care too much about you to let it haunt you as well."

"Your ex? His pictures?" He asked watching shock appear on your face. "You won't ever have to worry about him, Y/n."

You shook off your surprise. "That's not it. It's not the only problem I have!"

"Then tell me. I'll fix all of your problems." Dabi promises with such sincerity that you're compelled to believe him.

You don't tell him obviously, saying that it is your burden, your mess to deal with. Dabi doesn't push more, only because he knows he'll figure it out later anyways. Hey, he may be a criminal but he was once the son of the top hero who trained him, so Dabi's IQ is through the fucking roof.

And a man in love has no limitations.

Had a DUI? He deals with it. Parents disowned you? He'll make them regret it. Killed someone? He'll make sure you have an alibi to prove your innocence. Cheated off a test in grade 2? He'll make sure there are no witnesses alive. He'll burn the world- burn himself if it means keeping you warm.

You don't wanna date a criminal? Fine, he's working a cooperate job and since he's so smart, he'll be a fucking CEO in no time and have enough money and time to spend on you. Youre crying because you feel ugly when you see your scars? Dabi makes sure to kiss them every day and pulls out his turtleneck (aka the trademark Todoroki fit) for you, while he buys the best treatment money can buy for your scars. Mental health is going down? He's taking you to the best therapist in town. You're sad he's an atheist because it means you won't be with him in heaven? Damn, he's a convert now.

I just adore men in love :(

Okay but I don't think we're focusing on how scary smart Dabi actually is😳😳😳 I just know it, I KNOW he's super smart but he downplays it all the time because he's depressed or whatever.

[wandsandwheezes]

Come Home - S.Rintarō

TLDR I got sad and i missed the loml let a girl live

Hoping this inspires me to get back into writing again but i thought id share this small angsty hurt comfort i whipped up to make myself feel better / weasley content tbc because i really miss writing

It was hard for her to admit this to him. Just how cold the bed was on her own, the deafening silence of the apartment without his presence. Almost three months he’d been away from her, that was never the plan.

“Baby it’ll be a couple’a weeks and i’ll be back in no time, yeah?” He spoke softly, smoothing the hair down at the back of her head as she sobbed into his chest. Rintaro hated leaving, felt his heart tear in two as the tears rolled down her face, but it was work.

He could hardly break the news to her when it came. “I’m sorry princess, i’ve gotta stay… shit none of us anticipated making it to the quarters, let alone semi finals.” He could feel his world shatter as a single tear rolled down her cheek, not even able to wrap her up in his arms and take the sadness away. Tears welled in his eyes as she choked out, “But you’ll be home soon?”

Soon couldn’t come fast enough, counting down the days, eating meals alone. Suna had never felt so distant from reality, they’d spent every day together for 4 years, and now two and a half months was too much for him to take. He paced his hotel room, trying his hardest not to overthink the text he’d just received. I miss you, suna, i hope you miss me too.

Fuck, of course he missed her. This tour, it was life changing; enough to put that down payment on their forever home, even enough to get her the ring that she deserved, stashed in his bag ready for his arrival home, he wanted to provide for them. The exposure was enough to warrant a contract other players would fight for, but it was security for them. As much as it killed him to be away, he was setting things up for the future he wanted, a future that made her happy.

He hit dial, needing to hear her voice. It rang, eerily long for his liking, until the video call connected, the screen was dark and all he could hear were faint sniffles down the phone. A switch clicked on and their bedroom illuminated, showing him his puffy eyed and sleepy girl, a sight that shattered his heart into a million pieces. “Baby…”

“please don’t, rin… i don’t wanna think about it.” she sighed, every part of her missed him, the way he let her tangle her legs between his as she curled into his chest, how he traced hearts and smiley faces on her shoulder as she slept, waking up to his gentle snores and warm body, or how he pulled her in just that bit tighter when they were both sleepy.

“I’m breaking your heart, aren’t I?” He was blunt, almost too blunt. He didn’t like seeing her like this, not when he was hours away, exhausted after a day of practice and just wanting a kiss from the love of his life.

She stayed silent, tears spilling again as she clutched her bear to her chest just a little tighter. She’d made a home in Japan with him, but right now all she wanted was to be in her childhood bed, curled up and listening to the sound of the british rain against her window. “I can’t do this without you rinnie, I hate being alone.

“I’m sorry, kit… I-“ he was at a loss for words, “I hope you know that i can’t breathe without you, i can’t sleep properly, i’m totally lost without you by my side through this.”

“Then come home,” she pleaded, choking out a sob, “please, i’m begging you come home.” He watched the world around him crumble. No amount of money or exposure was worth what he was putting her through. “baby, i’ll be home soon, I love you.”

“Soon, sunarin, i love you.” She knew it wouldn’t change a thing, pressing her lips to the camera as she disconnected the call. She needed him now, but she knew she’d have to wait, for how long though was the question.

Suna had never packed a bag faster, finding everything in that hotel that belonged to him before he was out the door, flying down the expressway to her, to his heartbeat. Four hours it took him, four hours more he was separated from her.

He opened the apartment door quietly, gently placing his bag on the floor as he kicked off his shoes and set down his keys. He pattered down the hall, finding the door open and the faint glow of tokyo lights reflecting around the room, she was sound asleep.

The bear was pulled tight to her chest, salt stained cheeks now dry and he’d known she’d cried herself to sleep. Pulling off his hoodie, he gently lifted the covers and slipped back into their bed for the first time in what felt like a decade, pulling his baby into his arms.

She stirred, the faint smell of his cologne entering her senses and she curled in tighter, content in the dream of her rinnie. As she came to her senses and he didn’t fade away, butterflies erupted in her stomach, sleepy eyes peering open and she could almost cry again at the sight. “You came home.”

“And l’ll never ever leave you again, baby i promise.” He kissed her forehead, pulling her tight to his chest once again. He reached into his pocket with one hand, pulling out the small box, flicking it open behind her back. He sighed deeply, lifting the gleaming emerald into the light of her lamp, “I simply can’t live without you princess, and i want you to be mine forever, mrs suna”

[michellemisfit]

WEEKLY TAG WEDNESDAY

Happiest of birthdays to our dear @energievie who created today's birthday themed tag game. WHOOP WHOOP! 🥳

Thanks for the tag @deedala 🎉 @gallapiech 🤩 @vintagelacerosette 🙌

---

When is yours? 1st March

Where were you born? Switzerland.

How do you feel about your legal name? Are you using it online and/or IRL? Michelle is a nice name. I'm perfectly happy with it. I do however absolutely hate the Beales song I was named after. Think it's one of their worst songs. And I regularly forget that I have a middle name, not even cause I hate it or anything, purely because I think it's pointless. It's Aline.

How about your sign? Do you feel it "fits"? I'm Pisces. And I guess so..? I don't really know much about signs, but people who do tell me it fits, and I believe them. @celestialmickey - come and weigh in! haha

What's your earliest memory related to your birthday? Weirdly enough my earliest *birthday* memory that comes to mind is actually my brother's birthday, when he turned maybe 6? And I would have been 3? My parents had a weird thing about getting me small gifts on his birthday, because I was younger and they didn't want me to get upset I guess? Anyway. There's a photograph of him blowing out his birthday candles and me holding a little sheep stuffed toy that I got for his birthday. I remember loving that sheep a LOT! For my first birthday memory I actually don't really have one until about age 6 or 7? I had a birthday party in our party room and my mum made me invite the whole class, even though I wasn't friends with anyone at school. One of the girls gave me a doll as a present and I genuinly just didn't know what I was supposed to do with this thing and had no idea how to react when I unwrapped it... it was very awkward and I'm sure I was less than graceful. Not the best memory lol

What's one of the best gifts you've ever received? When I first moved to London I felt like I was required to go back to Switzerland for birthdays and Christmas celebrations, even though those were difficult, associated with a lot of bad memories, and never ever fun. I moved to London at the beginning of October with a suitcase of clothes and not much else, and we pretty immediately went on the Dirty Pretty Things break up tour, so i didn't even sleep in my new London room very much for the first 8 weeks. Going back to Switzerland for that Christmas was particularly hard because I hadn't been in London for long, I had barely any stuff that belonged to me, and there was a certain feeling of 'maybe it was just a long holiday, and I'm gonna wake up and live in Switzerland again', because I did a lot of extended holidays to follow bands around the UK in the two years leading up to my move so... yeah, it was rough. And then when I returned home to London Ruth and her mum had bought me my own bedsheets (zebra striped), and made up the bed in my room, and put a big bow on it, and I'm basically in floods of tears just thinking about it now. They made me a home that I was welcome in. And I’ll never forget that.

How about one of the best you've given yourself? I honestly can't think of anything that was a "birthday" gift to myself. hmmm. When I quit smoking I put £5 into a jar every day, that I wasn't spending on cigarettes, and then Ruth and I went to New York and attended Elsie Fest with my 'No Longer a Smoker' money, buying VIP tickets that came with awesome seats and a tonne of free booze... that was EXCELLENT! haha

What's your favourite cake flavour? Not a big fan of cake. I like raw cake batter an awful lot better than actual cake. So I now always ask for chocolate mousse for my birthday :)

How about your favourite flowers? Wild Flowers. And I quite like interesting twigs, too.

Have your ever thrown a birthday party? If yes, tell us about your favourite one. Oh yeah, I throw awesome parties. Here's just a few recent ones, or you can check out the Mys in the Kitchen tag for what may get served at my birthday parties... haha Though actually a couple of years post pandemic I wanted to have a brithday party, but keep it small and covid friendly, so I had a Cocktail & Cookie Icing party, which was so much fun!! I highly recommend everyone to throw a party at least once in their life, that includes like a fun workshop element. We had such a good time!

What's the ultimate birthday song?

Because it’s my birthday and people have to let me play it haha

There we have it! Birthday fun! Now it's your turn @deedala @ian-galagher @iandarling @darlingian @celestialmickey @crossmydna @too-schoolforcool @rereadanon @rutherinahobbit @the-rat-wins @tsuga-of-mars @heymrspatel @gallawitchxx x @iansw0rld @ohkate @palepinkgoat @lynne-monstr @loftec @sickness-health-all-that-shit @faejilly @junemermaid @jrooc @mikhailoisbaby @creepkinginc @francesrose3 @callivich @blue-disco-lights @sleepyfacetoughguy @stocious @spookygingerr @lingy910y @suzy-queued @greentealycheejelly @thepupperino

[orikiys]

✿ ✿ 〞 voicemails before spring ends

✰ pairings: felix x fem!reader

✰ genre: angst, romance, forbidden love, modern royalty au

✰ warnings: mentions of alcohol, insecurities, some cursing (only damn and that too once), felix belittles himself very much

✰ word count: 1.5k + words (got too carried away with this)

FELIX | chan | minho | changbin | hyunjin | han | seun gmin | jeongin

one 𖨂

today is another day of me thinking i wish we weren’t impossible. a rather blunt way to start it is, i know. but i cannot help myself as i watch you from across the room, in the arms of a rather worthy man. and i cannot help but think what it is to have what he does. fame, money, personality and. . . looks. i cover up my freckles and drew new ones because they look rather unorganised. i have to set my hair every ten minutes, in hopes i don’t look like i’m at my worst. or maybe, to have your attention on me. how utterly pleasing must it be. the gentlemen– he is everything i’m not. he is everything i try to be. he is everything i ever wanted to be. and now, he’s also stealing the most precious thing i ever had. you. and i’m helpless. i can’t do anything but watch. as i’m only your royal advisor.

two 𖨂

you tell me you love me at midnight. you cup my cheeks and kiss me deeply at midnight. you again tell me that you love me and snuggle against me at midnight. and i love it. every bit of it. but i must ask, why midnight? why not in the daylight? or is it too embarrassing for you to be seen caught in such acts? once again i ask, what’s wrong with us? why are we impossible? that’s the only reason i won’t admit that i love you. because if i do, i’m afraid that it’ll come true. and it’s barbaric. because i can’t love you. you don’t need my love when you have thousands of suitors up in line with proposals. and it’s rather upsetting to say i don’t even stand a chance among these royals. i’m. . . the watcher. just watching you all the time. tell me, is it love if i think of you all the time? and even though i shouldn’t be, i can’t help it. not when you look utterly beautiful when you wake up. your unruly hair, bare face and your smile– the one that has kept me under your spell. and though, i should be sending you the proposal requests from all across the city, i keep them with me. in my chambers, locked up in some rusty box so you don’t get taken away from me. and it is selfish of me indeed. but if it means, i can avoid watching you fall for another man for some weeks, i suppose it’s a rather good idea. good for my heart too.

three 𖨂

why do you make it so hard for me to leave quietly? why did you have to take my leaving notice and tear it? why? i demand answers. why don’t you understand how hard it is for me? let go of me please. along with the thoughts that we would ever have a happily ever after. i have gotten rid of it as well. it’s impossible, sweetheart. and i’m sorry– for not trying harder and going away this easily. but i’ve seen your heart, and i know it longs for me just like mine does. and that’s all i ever need to know. that’s all. but if you still continue to stop me i’ll have to remind you of the harsh reality. yes, reality. what you’re thinking is just a dream. you and me, we’re on two different levels. so, please don’t make it harder for me than it already is. and i wish it didn’t have to be this soon or under such unforeseen circumstances, but i’ll say it right now. i love you. but i hate love. so much. i’m terribly miserable without you. and i want to spend every second of my life with you. and now, here i am. bitterly laughing at myself while thinking of my dreams. dreams, no wonder they sound so unrealistic. it took me a lot of courage to say all this, many bottles of fine wine and a broken heart. you’re the person i cannot love. and even though a mere thought of you has me smiling foolishly to myself, allowing myself to lower my walls and let you in and see my vulnerability, i still cannot love you. because i can never have you. never.

four 𖨂

darling stop hurting yourself over me. please. you deserve someone who can make you happy. someone who has money to spend on you and your future children, someone who has time to take you out and roam around the city and someone. . . who is truly as valuable as you are. as high as you are. an equal. that’s who you need. don’t cry for me. what we had was beautiful. yet tragic. and it’s something i won’t even forget or move on from. it hurts me knowing i can’t comfort you any longer, as i’m too far away now. so far that you can’t even reach it if you wanted to. stop searching for me. stop trying to come to me. stop, just stop. i’m sorry that i loved you. but i don’t regret it in a bad way. i regret that i couldn’t buy you expensive gifts that you received from other suitors, or even cherish you properly. but the intimacy we had was sincere. and i can still sense it. i did receive your calls and texts, but it’s inappropriate of us to be talking that way when your engagement has been announced, my love. whatever we had, should end right here before anyone else finds out. and if they do, i don’t know how i’ll control myself. you need to understand the urgency! they can hurt you, kill you and even use you if they ever find out! and i don’t want anyone looking at you, touching you in a way that can cause you harm. please, for my sake, stop. i’ll meet you one last time, just like you wanted and after that don’t call out for me anymore. i love you. and that’s why it’s my responsibility to also protect you. though not physically, but i can try to avoid any danger that’s walking towards you. text me, only if there’s an emergency. good night sweetheart, try to sleep okay? read the book from where we last left it if you can’t seem to fall asleep. okay? i miss you too, i hope you know that.

five 𖨂

our last time was a goodbye, and i hated that it felt like one so damn much. you looked so weak, are you sure you’re taking proper care of yourself? it was hard to pull away from that hug. because i knew that if i did, you would have to walk away from me. and even though you should, since it’s unsafe for you to be seen around me, it stung pretty badly. every word you said to me– i have it written down in my diary just so that i don’t forget. and when you said, “felix, i’m sorry to have been born in this life where you couldn’t publicly be mine, neither could i be yours. but i hope you know that our hearts are entangled deep with each other”, i felt that. it struck me so hard that i get tears everytime it replays in my head. you may call me a coward for not fighting, but nothing matters more than your safety and wellbeing. nothing at all. i would like to say something as well, and please remember it. i just want to say that our love it’s true, it’s pure and passionate and keeps growing no matter the time, place or the distance between us. in this life, i couldn’t have you. . . but in next life, i won’t let go of you. i’ll stop you, love you and fight for you. i would do all the things i couldn’t complete in this life. perhaps, in the next life this love story of ours will have a happily ever after and i’ll pray for it.

six 𖨂

remember when i told you that you remind me of springtime? i didn’t lie. the air smells different, the flowers begin to bud, after that dark and cold winter; it brings out smiles. and you, my love after the definition of spring, you’re the rebirth of all my laughs that i lost in my childhood. you gave me a new life, a new will to live. you’re the light to my life, like the fresh innocence of spring. forever until death brings us together, i’m yours and yours only. and i wish you a life full of joy. like the spring you are, let’s give us a rebirth and act like strangers who once were lovers as well. i hope to meet you again when spring starts. just like the beat of my heart, i longingly stare at you, so don’t worry, i’ll always have my eye on you darling. spring ends tomorrow, and we do too. i love you even through the harsh winters and scorching suns.

PERM TAGLIST: @taeriffic 🧣 @hello-2-u-from-me 🧣 @ilychee08 🧣 @sleepyleeji 🧣 @spacegirlstuff

[tojiscumdumpster]

CHAPTER SEVEN - TOJI

⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀✧ summary page

Within the next few minutes, I’ll be dead. I knew this the moment I saw that blue-eyed freak reappear after when I thought I killed him. Fucking sorcerers and their cursed technique bullshit. Maybe I was too confident thinking I would win the second time. I doubted myself at first, but then I calmed down… No. 

 I was just too confident.

 A world like this wasn’t meant for a monkey like me. I was born into a fucked up family that treated me like shit because I didn’t have any cursed technique. The scar on my lip reminds me of it every day. I got over it, though. I accepted this was my faith. I served my purpose, and it was time for me to go.

 Still, I can’t help but wish I made it out alive. That I had a little bit more time. 

 “Nah,” I replied, vaguely. 

 How am I supposed to answer some cliché question like that? 

 Any last words?

 Why would I tell him that? 

 Tell him about the thoughts and images that’s in my head.

 Tell him that I had a wife who I actually saw some good in me. Good enough to get pregnant and raise a kid together. Tch, me? Toji Fushiguro? A husband and father? I never thought I would live to see the day. And of course, it didn’t last long. 

 My wife died because of an incurable sickness. I never felt pain before. Not when I’m standing here with half my body blown off. Not when my family tortured me. But the day she died, I felt pain. I didn’t cry. I just felt empty. Felt like I had no reason to be decent anymore. How was I supposed to raise a kid by myself? 

 She told me I was going to be okay. 

 I wasn’t okay. 

 I’m a fucked a person.

 A fucked up father.

 . . . I was never made to be a fucking dad. Me selling my son to my family is better than what I could’ve done for him. It wouldn’t make any difference if I was or was not in his life because I would never be good enough to be a father. . . A person. . . But I met. . . Her.

 In my final moments, I think of my late wife, my son, and—

“Dad!” Megumi’s deafening voice wakes me up. “It’s almost five. We have to go to the store.”

  What the…

 What the fuck was that? 

 Lately my mind has been clogged with thoughts and what feels like memories I used to have. Could never decipher them, but that dream was probably the clearest I had. 

 Me being on the verge of death (wouldn’t be the first time), apparently being killed by some blue-eyed fuck. Giving Megumi away to the Zen’in Family? Like fucking hell. I would endure the shit they put me through every day for the rest of my life knowing it would keep my kid safe. I just don’t understand these dreams I’ve been having.

 Are they signs? Is my judgment day coming where I would have to atone to my sins? Some bad shit about to happen to me? Megumi? I don’t fucking know. 

 I don’t care for karma. I don’t care for faith, destiny, or any of that manifestation bullshit. But I do believe in purpose, and sometimes I feel like I don’t have any. That there isn’t any.

 I’m a dad. For what? To fail my son. I was a husband, had my flaws but shit, I tried. And for what? To lose her only after being parents together for eight years? It was unexpected. Nature calling, and at the moment, I never hated whatever fucking god above so much because they took her away from me. 

 From me and Megumi.

 Please take care of Megumi.

 It’s like I can hear her lecturing me about all the times I had our kid eating take out or having him walk home alone from school. 

 Take care of Megumi. . . Yeah, I’m trying.

 I have to do better.

 I need to.

 The little purpose I have is left for him.

 “If you can’t go anymore, can you at least give me the money so I can go by my-”

 “No,” I interrupted, clearing my throat. “No, let’s go. Sorry, kid. Your old man was dozing off.”

 Here’s another thing about being a parent. Being around other parents who force small talk while their kids go off and buy shit. Because we’re parents, that means we have to share funny stories and randomly show baby photos to people you don’t even fucking know. Why? I don’t know, but I bet the mom next to me that has been talking my ears out for the past fifteen minutes could tell you.

 Having Megumi as my kid means he’s going to have most, if not some, of my traits. One of them being how much of a loner I am that appreciates his space. After my failed attempt to walk around with the kid to maybe have some father-son bonding, I figured I just stand at a comfortable distance and let him do his own thing. 

 No pressure. I’m on his time. Not the other way around.

 Still, me standing alone was not a fucking invitation to talk to me.

 I respect women. I do, but I’m two seconds away from telling her to fuck off in the nicest way possible. 

 Though, I have a reason why she approached me to begin with. 

 How she’s invading my space, trying her hardest for me to look at her tits. The extra pout she gives her lips while talking to me. How she’s still asking me one off questions, despite my vague one word answers.

 She’s looking to get fucked, but she’s just too shy to say it. 

 Attractive for most part. Probably five-foot-ten, maybe in her late thirties. Strong perfume. Hair drops right below her jaw. 

 Hm, not my type. 

 “So, here’s another photo-”

 “Sorry, why are you showing me these again?” I abruptly asked. 

 “I—” she stumbles over her words, pushing her hair back while giving me a timid smile.

 “Seems like you had other reasons.”

 “Like?”

 I shrug. “To get fucked.” I can tell that my brute honesty throws her off a bit, but she gathers herself. 

 “Are you offering?”

 “No.”

 She’s probably taken back by my response. I wouldn’t know because I casually walked away to the next aisle. 

 Back in Tokyo, I gained attention, but in America? The women here look at me like I’m a fucking piece of meat. Not that I don’t mind, but shit. 

 What would help if they didn’t waste both our time with trivial chit chat and just cut straight to the chase. 

 Anyways. 

 Told the kid I’ll be walking around the store if he needs me, and of course he replies with whatever . Like I should be surprised. 

 He’s my son, after all. 

 Pretty packed for a Tuesday night at the store. Guess all the parents are out buying their kids shit, too. While Megumi is getting his supplies together, figured I could go to the meat section to make dinner tonight. Probably hot pot for the kid and offal for me. 

  Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing this parenting shit right. You know, letting Megumi be by himself to buy things while I roam around. Probably not because I see families throughout the store and they look happy, for the most part. 

 The look on their faces, the light conversations they’re having about who knows what. . . I can tell this is going to be one of those fucking nights for me. 

 Remember there was a point in my life where I was content with the small family I created. My wife. Megumi. Living in the shittiest apartment building back in Tokyo and barely making ends meet. 

 I came from a wealthy family. One of the wealthiest in Japan. I was supposed to be a silver spooned brat that was grateful to be born into money, only later to be beaten and emotionally abused, which eventually left me in the streets. 

 And you know after all the shit those Zen’in fucks put me through regardless of the amount of money I had access to, I’d always choose what I had with my wife and my strained relationship with Megumi. 

 But of course, any good that happens to me is only temporary. Can only imagine how long I have left with Megumi until he turns eighteen and moves far away from me if he decides to go to college. 

 Is it wrong for me to wish my kid would cut me some slack? Probably, but that’s not something I would ever ask him. Though, I can fucking admit that it stings how he addresses me has changed over time. 

 Daddy to Papa, now to Dad. Soon he’ll start being formal and shit by calling me father or even my first name. I guess I should be grateful he’s calling me anything at all. 

 Damn, if I liked alcohol, I would’ve said I need a drink right now. Maybe a few. Being in family settings makes me feel the emotion I hate feeling the most. Vulnerability . 

 It makes me feel weak, like I’m pitying myself. I don’t care for pity. I don't care to say I didn’t deserve to experience trauma. It happened. There’s shit I can do about it. No point for me to keep thinking about it. 

 It’s just hard when your son doesn’t even want to be seen with you in public to go school supply shopping. 

 I need to clear my head. 

 Already worked out twice today, and clearly that’s not working. Maybe some pussy. It’s been a while since I last had sex. Maybe I need…

 Y/N .

 Here I am again thinking about her at the most random fucking times. I said I need her. Would I ever tell her that?  Most likely not. 

 How can I tell a woman that I don’t know that I need her? To be around her and have her bubbly personality overshadow my grumpiness. To stare at her in dead silence and think how fucking pretty she is. How good she smells. How can I tell Y/N that? 

 She’s good company. 

 That’s all she is…

 Soon she’ll see I’m no good. 

  “Miss L /N told me you’ve been doing good in class, kid.”

 Been home with Megumi for about two hours now. School shopping is not fucking cheap, to say the least. My job pays well, but the cost of shit in America is still something I’m trying to adjust to, especially in comparison to Japan. 

 Megumi is the only reason why I haven’t gotten broke yet. 

 “Yeah,” he responds flatly.

 I stuff my mouth with a piece of meat. “Want to talk about it?”

 “Not really.”

 “Alright.”

 There goes that loud silence. 

 I continue, trying to keep conversation. “Food's good?” He nods. “Think you got everything you needed for school?”

 “Yes, Dad.” Annoyance fills his voice, making it very clear that I’m bothering him. 

 “Everything’s okay?” I asked. 

 “Can’t we just eat in silence? Why are you forcing conversation?”

 Oh.

 “Sorry, kid. Just trying-”

 Megumi pushes back his chair, standing up with his plate in his hand. “I’m going to my room. Thanks for dinner.”

 What the fuck am I doing wrong?

 I talk, he’s annoyed with me. I don’t talk, I feel like he’s being neglected again. Not sure if I’m giving Megumi too much space or just enough space, but it’s kind of fucking hard when I don’t how he feels. 

 When you come from an abusive family that doesn't know how to give or receive love, it passes onto you and potentially it’ll pass onto your child. 

 That’s what I’m trying to prevent. 

 I was scared as shit when my wife first told me she was pregnant. I mean, how the fuck was I supposed to be a dad? I don't know what it feels like to have one. But I knew I was going to be okay if I had her by my side.

  I’m a fucked up person. . . A fucked up father. 

 “Fuck, I need to take a walk,” I say to myself. 

 I get up to put the leftovers in the oven so I can finish later. Before I walk out the door, I tell Megumi I’m stepping out for a while and guess what he says? 

 Whatever. 

  Patience, Fushiguro. Patience.

  Be kind to yourself, Toji . That’s what Y/N told me the other day. I have messaged or contacted her at all since I got her number yesterday. Maybe I need to talk to her… see her… just for a little bit. 

PREVIOUS CHAPTER | NEXT CHAPTER

discussion question #3 — the more we see toji and megumi's relationship, struggles are shown between them. more so, on toji's part. do you think he should continue making small talk or allow megumi to come around whenever he's ready? looks like toji is afraid to let that happen because he doesn't want megumi to feel neglected. thoughts?

[princess-leaorgana]

What Tieflings Do Chptr 5

Summary: After the takedown of The Absolute, Zelphie finds her city in need of more help and her home destroyed. She won't stop helping, but who can help her?

Rolan x Tav (Zelphie; ~30y.o AFAB, Sorcerer, Tiefling, not really described physically on purpose <3)

M/F

Author's Note: I fucking love tielfings. Along with this being a budding romance/smut/fluff/word vomit fanfiction, it's also my case study in DnD 5e tieflings, how they act, what sets them apart from humans and devils and elves. That being said, I have a few artistic liberties in here as well where I couldn't find a straight answer, if you'll amuse me.

Warnings - Spoilers for Baldur's Gate 3, smut and way too much domestic fluff. WAY TOO MUCH. Have your dentist on fucking speed dial, I can't reign her in boys. Genuinely, if you don't like self-serving fluff, you're going to hate this and me. Love you, you little biscottis.

Chapter One Two Three Four

Rolan was not a sound sleeper. He tossed and turned in his sleep and Zelphie wasn’t much better. She stole his pillow sometime in the middle of the night. Rolan was very early to rise, Zelphie wasn’t so much. It wasn’t nice for her to wake up alone that morning and she groaned and stretched. She sat up with a yawn, looking around.

‘Rolan?’ She called, hoping that he was maybe just in the washroom, but she heard nothing. She frowned and looked at her bedside table. Her frown disappeared instantly. A glass and pitcher of water, a little note and a black water lily had been placed there. She grinned to herself and picked up the pretty flower, her favorite, just as she had told him last night. This was a lovely way to wake up. She reached for the note and laid back on her pillow.

My sleeping darling,

Waking up next to you in the morning, the dawn’s warm glow on your rosy skin, it made it very hard to pull myself from bed. With every fiber of my being, I did, for I have a lot to do today, and the sooner it is all done, the sooner I can return to our privacy. I will be having my normal breakfast with Lia and Cal and I will inform them of our new found adoration for each other. I don’t believe I can face them without telling them the full truth, you’ll have to forgive me, but we never keep things from each other. When you wake, please take your time, bathe, drink your tea, play with little Lajy, have your breakfast, move whatever items you’d like of yours into this room. 

I’ll consider all of what I own to be yours. If it would bring you joy, you may have it. 

I will be attending the shop when you are ready, but please, come as you would like. If you would like. I would like you to.

-R

Zelphie had never received a cute little letter from a partner before. Not like this one. She bit her lip and looked around the room. Lajy had made his way up on the bed and was snoozing by her feet. She reached over and picked the kitten up. He lazily snuggled on her chest and neck and Zelphie drank a glass of water. After the drinking and physical activities last night, she would do very well to hydrate.

Once she was a little more awake, she got ready for the morning, having to, unfortunately, go across the hall to grab some clothing for the day. She would help down in the shop, dressing nicely for customers. And maybe for Rolan. A purple wrap dress and black slippers it was. Plus one little accessory. She wore her hair in a bun and placed the black lily on the side of it. She preened a little more, and her and Lajy walked down to the kitchen for breakfast. No elementals were to be found, but someone was. Cal. He was cooking. Zelphie went bright red, knowing it was very likely Cal knew about last night by now. She cleared her throat and Cal turned around. His eyes widened when he saw Zelphie.

‘Well well well,’ he said and leaned on the counter he was working at, crossing his arms. ‘Couldn’t just be set with a room in a wizard’s tower, had to give its master a ride for his money, hm?’ He asked playfully, but Zelphie would have rather been executed. Cal laughed at her and shook his head. ‘I mean FINALLY Zelphie. The two of you, ever since Last Light Inn, Lia and I have been making bets on when you two would finally get over your stubbornness and you know…’ he said and bobbed his head. Zelphie frowned, this was just as torturous as she thought it would be.

‘How does everyone know?’ She asked and he laughed. He pointed at her middle.

‘Your tail, his tail. Both of you go full primitive when you see each other, it’s-‘ he stopped when he looked at the ground. ‘Is that a cat?’ He asked and Zelphie looked down at Lajy. He was sniffing around the kitchen.

‘Yes, Lajy, I found him yesterday,’ she said and Cal laughed.

‘Anything else? Had a romp with my brother, adopt a cat and name it love, wedding bells next? Or am I going to be an uncle?’ He teased and Zelphie scoffed.

‘Please don’t,’ she whined a little and walked over to pour herself some coffee.

‘Come on, give me a little something, do you know how many people Rolan used to bring back home to meet us?’ He asked and Zelphie glanced at him. She would very much like to know the answer to that question. ‘Not exactly many. I think three,’ he said and Zelphie went back to her coffee. ‘So, I never got to experience teasing him over it like all brothers usually do, I’ll stop, I promise. Well. Teasing you,’ he said and went back to cooking. He was baking a pie of some sort.

‘Don’t tease him too much, though…oh I do like him grumpy,’ she said and sipped her coffee.

‘I knew you were my favorite,’ Cal said and laughed.

‘But if you are nice to your brother…I’ll have Astarion over for tea later tonight. If you…would like that,’ she said and Cal froze and glanced at her.

‘You…you would?’ He asked and she giggled, nodding.

‘I think he likes you,’ she said and opened the ice box and found a few cubes of beef for Lajy to eat. She fixed him a bowl of water and beef and set it on the floor. The kitten ran right over and began to devour the meat. ‘I’m going to the shop, how angry is Lia at me?’ She asked and Cal wrinkled his nose.

‘You will receive a lecture, but she’s not angry. Just, protective,’ he warned her and Zelphie nodded.

‘Thank you for the warning,’ she said and walked out of the kitchen with her coffee to use the portal to Sorcerer’s Sundries. She’d like to get the fight with Lia over and done with. Cal always softened blows, he would never warn her that Lia was actually angry at her. He was a pacifist and never saw the bad side of anything or anyone.

The store was busy, it was morning and that was the busiest it ever was. Rolan was leaning his hand against the large counter in the middle of the shop, talking with a woman who was dressed very finely. Zelphie walked over to the pair, but her arm was caught instead and she was pulled away.

‘No no, you are coming with me.’ Lia had seen her before anyone else did. Zelphie obeyed and followed Lia to the back of the shop, knowing a scolding was on its way.

‘Lia, please, I haven’t even finished my coffee,’ Zelphie told her, begging for her to have some mercy. Lia held up a quick hand.

‘First and foremost, between a powerful wizard and a world saving sorcerer, one of the two of you could be decent enough to know a spell that will silence your bedrooms from the rest of the tower,’ she said and Zelphie almost passed out.

‘You could hear us?’ She asked and Lia nodded. Zelphie placed her hand over her face, now refusing to look at Lia.

‘Secondly, promise me you won’t hurt him,’ she continued and Zelphie froze. After a second she lowered her hand. Lia was staring at her. ‘If you hurt him, Zelphie, I promise you I will hurt you back,’ she said and Zelphie nodded.

‘You don’t need to threaten me, I would never hurt him. I love him,’ she said and glanced back over at the counter. Rolan was still talking with that woman. ‘I know a lot of people have hurt him and taken advantage of him, I know it’s your job to protect him, but I’m not a threat, Lia, I promise you that,’ she said and looked back at her friend. Lia’s face softened a bit and she nodded.

‘Well, now that I’ve gotten that out of my system, I’m happy,’ she said and Zelphie smiled a little. ‘I know this sounds silly after what I just said, but…I know you’ll be good to him, you’ll be patient with him. He needs someone like you,’ she said and Zelphie’s smile only grew.

‘Thank you, Lia, that means a lot,’ she said and Lia walked closer and hugged her.

‘Just don’t be too gross in front of Cal and me, or the customers,’ she said and Zelphie laughed.

‘How gross is too gross?’ She asked and Lia laughed, nudging her.

‘Come on, you didn’t meet Satah yesterday, come and meet Rolan’s new apprentice,’ she said and nodded at the counter. Zelphie followed Lia to the counter, her heart beating a little harder than normal. Rolan was still talking but caught Lia and Zelphie in his eyeline and grinned up at them.

‘Ah! And here is the rest of my family, Satah. You met Cal and Lia yesterday, this is Zelphie,’ Rolan said and Zelphie nervously smiled at the woman. Beautiful elf with hazelnut skin and long braids. Satah turned and smiled, holding out her hand to greet Zelphie.

‘Goodness! What a big family you have, it’s wonderful to meet another one of Rolan’s sisters,’ she said and Lia snorted a laugh. Zelphie froze a little, though why the hells Rolan introduced her as family was beyond her.

‘Oh, I’m sorry, no, Zelphie isn’t my sister, she’s my wife,’ he said, though that was absolutely not correct and Zelphie could only hear a faint ringing. Twelve hours ago, they hadn’t even kissed. Now they are married. What was happening to her? Was she awake?

‘Oh! Oh, I’m sorry, of course! Master Rolan told me about you yesterday, I didn’t know you were married, ha! Oh that’s so sweet, well, it’s lovely to meet you all the same,’ she said and Zelphie nodded.

‘Lovely to meet you as well, Satah. Rolan is very particular when it comes to everything in his life, so naturally, you must be incredibly talented to make it through him,’ Zelphie managed and let go of the woman’s hand.

‘Satah, let me show you the basement really quickly, I’m sure Rolan’s been talking your ear off and you should get a tour first,’ Lia said, taking Satah’s arm to give Rolan and Zelphie some privacy after that insane moment. Satah and Lia left and Zelphie looked up at Rolan who was just smiling at her.

‘Your wife?’ She asked and Rolan frowned a little.

‘Yes, uhm….I-uhm…I didn’t know what else to call you,’ he fumbled and cleared his throat. ‘I’ll clear it up, I promise. I’m sorry,’ he said and Zelphie’s heart melted a little.

‘Don’t apologize, just warn me before we get married,’ she told him and he stifled a little chuckle. ‘I’d like to dress better,’ she added and he laughed.

‘You look very nice this morning,’ he said politely and she grinned.

‘You’ve seen me in better,’ she told him, a little flirt and he went bright red.

‘Hush hush, not in front of the customers,’ he told her with a grin.

‘Why not? Aren’t married couples supposed to flirt a little?’ She teased him and he hushed her again, getting a little visibly annoyed, sending her into a giggle fit. ‘Alright, alright, get back to work, Master Rolan,’ she said and turned away from him to find someone to help on the floor. Luckily for both of them the store was very busy. Cal showed up to help as best he could. He had done a great job of memorizing how the store was stocked. He would ask a million questions a day, but once either Zelphie or Rolan or even Satah specified what the customer wanted, he knew exactly where to go looking.

‘So, Lia told me you are the reason for the ending of the apocalypse.’ Zelphie was showing Satah around as the place slowed down a little. Zelphie figured she would get to know the woman a little more. She did seem very nice and very knowledgeable.

‘Me and a lot of other people,’ Zelphie corrected her and Satah laughed.

‘She also warned me you were humble to a fault. I think she’s right,’ she said and Zelphie smirked. ‘Still, not even your powerful husband was by your side, he was here, wasn’t he manning the towers? I would have been terrified  if I didn’t have my wife by my side during that,’ she said and there were about four things Zelphie wanted to ask there, but she settled on one.

‘You’re married?’ She asked and Satah nodded.

‘Yes, with two little ones as well, Gemma always says, one for her, one for me. Both boys,’ she said and Zelphie grinned.

‘That’s lovely,’ she said and Satah nodded.

‘Most lovely that I still have all of them,’ she said and placed a hand on Zelphie’s shoulder, a very kind touch. ‘Thank you for saving them,’ she said and Zelphie’s eyes widened. No matter how many people thanked her as she went through her day, it still shocked her and made her freeze.

‘I’m really happy you still have them,’ she said and nodded. ‘Not a lot of people can say the same, I’m afraid,’ she said and Satah nodded, letting her hand down.

‘I know I’m very lucky, thank you all the same,’ she said and Zelphie nodded.

‘It’s…I’m happy that I could have helped them,’ she settled on. A moment passed between her and Satah and she sighed. ‘I’m sorry if this is strange, but Rolan introduced me as his wife, I’m…I’m not his wife,’ she said and Satah’s green eyes widened.

‘Oh?’ She asked and Zelphie laughed a little.

‘I don’t…know why he said that. We uhm, we just started to see each other romantically, even though we have known each other for a while, and he just…likes his own privacy. I think referring to me as his lover or something like that would have made him feel strange. Though, I would beg that calling me his spouse has made things much more strange,’ she explained and Satah laughed a little.

‘I’m sorry if that was awkward for you this morning, then,’ she said and Zelphie grinned.

‘The entire last six months have been awkward for me, that wasn’t really anything.’ The day continued, everyone took turns showing Satah around and just before dinner, she left and the shop closed for the evening.

‘Zelphie, you got a package today,’ Cal called as he was tidying the front counter.

‘Oh?’ Zelphie looked up as her mage hand put some books away on a high shelf. She walked over and saw a large package. She inspected it and smiled. ‘Oh! Well, what on earth did he send me?’ She wondered out loud. The package came from Waterdeep, and she only knew one person from there. She opened the letter and grinned.

Dearest Zelphie,

It has only been a few days, but it feels like all that we have lived through together was a lifetime ago, now that I’m back home. I have heard from a little birdie who will remain nameless that you have moved to Ramazith’s Tower and I am delighted to hear that news. Take advantage of your luxury. A wizard’s tower is homey and comforting, but it is a place of academic achievement and you will only get better by reading and watching Rolan as your teacher as he helps you really hone in on your magical talents. Please warn him not to teach you anything involving electricity, I would be remiss if I didn’t warn him what you’re capable of. My tunic still has that singe from our last lesson.

Please have Rolan accept these back, I feel awfully guilty that I still have them, as I meant to give them back before I left North. They are one of a kinds and I will admit they are hard to hand back over, but that knowledge should be shared, and I have already used them. I know Rolan will put them to better use and more responsible a man than never was.

Please keep in touch, Zelphie. I was very very glad for that short, bleak moment in my life, to call you a friend.

-Gale Dekarios

Zelphie smiled through the note and placed it on the counter. She opened the package and laughed. Three books, all glowing with a purple protection spell on them. 

‘Rolan!’ She called happily and Rolan came over from the back counter. ‘Rolan! Gale sent these, they were in the shop before, oh my goodness, I can’t believe he sent them back,’ she said and handed him one. Once she touched one, the spell disappeared. Rolan raised an eyebrow, reading the binding.

‘The Annals of Karsus?’ He asked and looked at her. ‘This was here?’ He asked and Zelphie nodded.

‘Yes, keep that locked away, further than where it was originally,’ she warned him. Cal looked into the box and pulled out a second book and hissed and dropped it. The book had bitten him.

‘What in the hells?’ He asked and Zelphie giggled, picking up the book and handing it to Rolan, the spell also fading as she did.

‘Don’t touch the magic books, Cal,’ she told him and pulled out the last one. This one had not come from the shop, but it might as well have stayed with the second book, The Necromancy of Thay. Rolan frowned when he was handed that particular book, as would anyone that had to look at that ugly thing.

‘Well, he has my thanks, if I were an intelligent person, I might have these burned, but I’ll keep these safe,’ he said and Zelphie grinned at him. She handed him the letter to read, very happy that the two might now connect.

‘That book looks evil,’ Lia said, looking at the necromancy book.

‘It is,’ Zelphie warned her and looked up at Rolan. ‘Profane knowledge, but knowledge, nonetheless,’ she said and Rolan nodded.

‘I’ll put it under the cannons,’ he said and Zelphie smirked.

The four finished cleaning up the shop and went home. After a bit of an awkward dinner, Lia stole the family’s new kitten and Cal followed her. Lia had told Cal about Rolan’s earlier slip up, calling Zelphie his wife and he would not allow that subject to go. Sibling teasing would never be something anyone could age out of, apparently. As they left, Rolan looked at Zelphie and sighed.

‘So,’ he began and played with his wine goblet a little. ‘Uhm,’ he continued and Zelphie giggled a little at him.

‘Yes?’ She asked him and he clicked his tongue.

‘I’m sorry, I don’t know exactly how to navigate this. Behaving and being civil all day for show after a night of…not behaving,’ he said and Zelphie grinned.

‘You think all of that was behaving?’ She asked and he frowned, making her laugh. ‘I’m sorry, but if Cal can tease you, I’m entitled to a little. I did tell Satah the truth, just so you know. I couldn’t help it, she started to tell me about her family and I felt as though I should tell her that we aren’t there ourselves, it felt natural to tell her,’ she explained and he nodded.

‘I am very sorry, I genuinely thought that was the most intelligent route. But it’s no matter, I don’t think I’ll be keeping her, to be honest,’ he said and Zelphie frowned.

‘Why not?’

‘She lied, she’s not a wizard, she’s a cleric of Mystra,’ he explained and sipped his wine.

‘Well, maybe she can’t be your apprentice, but wouldn’t you want to keep her around? A cleric of Mystra would be a good asset,’ she told him and he shook his head.

‘Ramazith’s Tower will no longer hold siege to people who lie for their own benefit. You are right, if she had told me about herself honestly the first time, I would have still hired her, but she lied. She lied to get what she wanted, and I don’t believe I can tolerate anyone else lying to me,’ he went on and Zelphie frowned.

‘Give her a second chance?’ She asked and Rolan sighed.

‘I will think about it,’ he answered and Zelphie nodded, knowing that was the best she could get.

‘Though, I’m glad. I can still be your apprentice, if you’ll still have me,’ she said and a smile grew on Rolan’s face.

‘If I’ll still have you? Oh, the understatement of the century, my dear,’ he said and she grinned at him.

The couple left for Rolan’s study. It was a strange room, dummies for targets, ritual circles on the floor, a static feeling of the Weave all around the room. There weren’t so many books here, making it seem very out of place for the tower. This was where Rolan studied spells and would teach Zelphie when he had the patience. Zelphie was not exactly a good student. Days of teaching her basic illusionary tricks had proven that to him. She was too nervous to perform properly and would be distracted by those nerves. But he would do it, he would make a wizard out of his little sorcerer.

‘Alright, feet about shoulders’ length apart,’ he said and watched her. ‘Toes straight out,’ he said and walked around her as she fixed her posture. She watched him and he kept checking her. ‘Don’t look at me,’ he told her and she looked forward. It was hard to follow his direction of ‘pretend he wasn’t here’ and also take direction from him. He walked closer to her and plucked the lily from her bun, handing it to her. ‘Look at it, memorize it,’ he told her and she held the flower delicately in her hand. A black lily, her favorite flower. That would make this easier. She memorized the deep color, the little spots, the pollinator, the stem, all of it. Even how it weighed in her hand. ‘Do you have it?’ He asked softly and she nodded. Rolan snapped his hands and the lily fizzled in a static purple cloud and she gasped. The lily she had been wearing all day hadn’t been real. It was Rolan’s magic, how powerful was he? ‘Close your eyes, find harmony, and repeat the somatic component when you are focused,’ he said softly.

Zelphie took in a deep breath, picturing the flower in her mind. The black, spotted petals, the green stem, the orange pollinators. She found peace in the moment, remembering waking up to see the flower, hoping that joy and memory would serve her well. She muttered the incantation and she felt something tickle her fingers. She opened her eyes and Rolan shouted a happy cry.

‘Zelphie!’ He shouted and grabbed her shoulders happily. ‘Look at that! Ha!’ He cheered happily. ‘She can be taught! With the help of a professional of course,’ he said, he was so happy, but Zelphie frowned when she saw what she had created. Six black leaves. Was it an improvement? Yes. But she had hoped with his excitement for perfection. Or at least a flower.

‘Rolan, this isn’t anything,’ she said and the leaves fizzled away. Rolan shook his head.

‘No! You are brilliant!’ He took her face in his hands and kissed her squarely.  That shocked her, this behavior wasn’t very like him, but he was happy. ‘This is much better than you zapping me,’ he said. Yes, he was very happy indeed. She smiled at him and nodded. ‘I’m so proud of you,’ he continued and her smile grew instantly. Her tail thumped happily against the floor.

‘You are?’ She asked, feeling like she was melting in his hands.

‘Of course I am! That is a terrific improvement, you made organic material, my darling you are brilliant,’ he said and kissed her forehead. She laughed happily, very happy for his joy, it was contagious. He was proud of her, oh there was nothing better for her. The joy in his eyes, the yellow glow buried by his happy smiling cheeks.

‘Can we try again?’ She asked and he nodded happily.

The couple worked very hard for the next few hours until Zelphie was getting delusional. No lily was summoned that evening, but she did at one point summon a sunflower. It faded quickly, and Zelphie was a little upset that she couldn’t play with it, but she was very happy. Rolan was beside himself with joy and rang for tea.

‘You, oh you, you will get quite the treat, oh what shall we do to celebrate your victory?’ He asked her and sat on a little chaise and she followed, sitting down close to him. Her tail curled up behind him.

‘Oh, I can think of something,’ she told him softly and he chuckled, leaning close to her.

‘Mmm, that will be my reward for my wonderful teaching, you deserve your own treat,’ he purred and she got a shiver up her spine. ‘Something sweet for you, hm? What would my darling like?’ He asked, brushing a stray hair from her face. She laughed at him, he was being very sweet.

‘What? Like a cake?’ She asked and he shrugged.

‘If that is what you would like,’ he said and leaned over, pouring them some tea. Zelphie thought about it for a moment, feeling a little silly. Like a child being treated after a chore well done.

‘Could I ask for something even more childish than that?’ She asked and he laughed, handing her her cup.

‘You can ask for whatever you’d like,’ he told her and leaned back on the chaise, ready for her request.

‘Tonight…before we sleep…oh, well, uhm,’ she laughed and shook her head. ‘Could we sleep together again tonight?’ She asked and he smirked.

‘Is that what you want? That’s not a treat my darling, that’s a given,’ he told her. She smiled and shook her head.

‘No, I was just hoping you would be open to it, sharing your bed again, I don’t want to be clingy,’ she told him and he laughed. He pulled at her tail that was coiled around him. ‘Sorry,’ she said with a smile and he shook his head.

‘You aren’t going to apologize for that, oh Zelphie, no. No, darling, I don’t want you to get the wrong idea of how I’m feeling. I’m very happy, I want you to be with me as much as possible. Honestly, I can’t get enough of you,’ he told her and grinned. She felt sillier than she had just a moment ago. ‘I wrote you that note this morning, and I meant it. My bed is no longer mine, it’s ours. If you want to have your privacy, you still have your room, I’m not taking that from you, but if you want to sleep beside me tonight and tomorrow and the next day and the next, I’m very happy with that,’ he told her and she sipped her tea, her heart spinning.

‘I’m not used to all of this,’ she said and he smirked. ‘I just…’ she sighed and shrugged. ‘Never been loved so much,’ she said and he shook his head.

‘I don’t believe that, that can’t be right,’ he said and she shook her head.

‘No one has ever treated me like you treat me, Rolan. Nothing like this, and I’m afraid it’ll be over soon,’ she said and his face softened a little.

‘Why would it be over?’ He asked and she shrugged.

‘When you get tired of me,’ she said and he scowled.

‘Zelphie, if you are going to think like that, you’re going to be miserable. You think that I don’t fear that as well?’ He asked and she frowned and sipped her tea again, a little nervous about this conversation. ‘Life may happen, but I’m not just having fun with you here. I care about you very very much. If I ever give you cause to doubt that, tell me, for I’m misrepresenting myself,’ he told her and she nodded. ‘And until you tell me to stop, I’m going to show you just how much you mean to me every single day,’ he said and she opened her mouth to protest, but he held up his hand. ‘We will start with you telling me how you would like to be rewarded for your hard work tonight,’ he continued and sipped his tea. She just looked at him for a moment, happy. That was it, happy, content, safe.

‘I was hoping before we sleep you could..maybe read to me,’ she suggested and his eyebrows shot up. ‘I uhm, saw the book on your nightstand and I felt bad that you didn’t have time to read last night. And Rolan…I really love your voice,’ she said and he went deep red at that compliment. ‘It’s so soft and low…I don’t know, I just think it would be a nice way to fall asleep,’ she said and he nodded.

‘Then you will have it,’ he told her simply and sipped his tea.

‘And what would you like for your efforts?’ She asked and he chuckled.

‘You know exactly what I’d like,’ he said softly and Zelphie giggled.

‘That’s not fair, I was going to give you that anyway,’ she told him and he grinned.

‘That’s all that I desire,’ he told her simply. Their tea was finished very quickly after that.

The couple walked to Rolan’s bedroom and outside the door, scratching to get in was Lajy. Zelphie scooped him up and gave the little kitten kisses and rubs. Rolan led her inside and Zelphie placed Lajy on the sofa. The kitten hopped down to run around the room and explore. Rolan walked around to change and Lajy took to chasing Rolan’s tail. That made Rolan laugh, which Zelphie was very happy for.

‘I should have done what you suggested and brought my clothes in here,’ she said and Rolan looked up at her and he undressed.

‘Only do what you are comfortable with,’ he told her, reassuring her that his suggestion was permission, not a request.

‘I think it will be easier, maybe not all of my clothing, but at least a few nightgowns,’ she said and sat in the bed. Rolan smiled and thumbed through his wardrobe and picked up a white shirt. He walked over to her and placed it on the bed next to her.

‘Maybe not as flattering, but maybe this will do for tonight,’ he told her. She ran her fingers over the shirt and smiled. Wearing his shirt to bed was certainly a nice thought. As she looked at the shirt, Rolan looked at her. He reached out and played with a loose lock of hair that had fallen from her bun earlier. ‘I liked the lily in your hair today, it was very pretty,’ he told her and she smiled at him.

‘Thank you for making it for me…that…was incredibly thoughtful,’ she said and bit her bottom lip. He smiled, a little pride on his lips. ‘One thing to go and have one fetched, it’s another thing entirely that you made it for me,’ she continued and he nodded and laughed.

‘Don’t expect all your gifts to be manufactured by magic. Or some of them will surely disappear,’ he told her, running his fingers from her hair down her face.

‘All of my gifts?’ She asked him and he grinned. ‘Oh, no no, no gifts. I’ve been given enough,’ she told him and he laughed.

‘That request is denied,’ he told her. She wrinkled her nose at him. Along with everything else, Zelphie was not easy to accept gifts. Rolan should be used to that by now. ‘Request,’ he repeated and lowered his face to hers. ‘Denied.’ He kissed her sweetly, stroking her chin with his thumb. She kissed him back happily, thumping from her tail on the bed could be heard. She placed a hand on the leather belt that kept his robes fashioned to him. She untied the strings and once the belt hit the floor, Rolan quickly shuffled the thick fabric off on his shoulders. He stood in a wrap shirt and trousers and Zelphie leaned back in the bed to get a little look at him. The disconnect of the kiss made Rolan stand up straight and place his hands on his hips. ‘What?’ He asked as she continued to stare at him.

‘Turn around,’ she said and twirled her finger in the air. He raised an eyebrow but after a beat he sighed and did as she asked. She took one more moment to look at his back. He had such a strong figure, not the usual when looking at the body of a wizard. His broad shoulders sloped delicately to his strong waist. She pulled on the strings of his trousers, just above his tail. His tail wrapped around her calf and she grinned. She loved when he did that, whether he meant to or it was instinct. She liked being wanted, being claimed by him. He pulled down his pants, Zelphie gave his taught little backside a pinch. He yelped and turned around and she laughed. ‘I’m sorry, you’ve got a very cute bum,’ she told him and he shook his head.

‘That’s the second word you’ve used on me that I don’t like,’ he said with a playful smile. ‘Silly? Cute? Me? No, no absolutely not,’ he told her and she laughed. He unwrapped his shirt and she got off the bed, undressing herself.

‘Go sit on the bed,’ she told him, untying her dress. He did as he was told, stark naked and just watched her. She glanced at him when she heard his tail thump on the bed just as hers did earlier. That made her heartbeat hard. Once she was down to nothing, she walked over to him and knelt down. ‘Now, a treat for my very hardworking and patient professor,’ she said, holding his cock gently in her hand. He moaned lightly and she kissed his inner thighs, stroking him very gently as his erection grew. After the initial shock, his hands found her hair, untying her bun to let her hair down. He ran his fingers through it. She kissed and licked the ridges of his thighs, they were terribly tight. She would give him a massage later. 

‘My beauty, nothing compares to you,’ he whispered as he whimpered a little. She licked up his length and he sighed out a very happy purr, stroking her hair. ‘This…this is worth everything I’ve ever gone through,’ he continued and she looked up at him with big eyes and he smiled. ‘I love you, I treasure you,’ he spoke before she took him in her mouth. That was the sort of praise Zelphie wanted to hear. A compliment on her magic was nice, but hearing Rolan talk to her like that as she was doing everything she could to please him was just blissful. She wanted to make him selfishly happy. She wanted to be of use, she wanted to be a positive light for him. Never a burden, she didn’t want presents and accolades. She wanted to make him happy. He hissed a little and laughed, watching her. She slowly bobbed up and down, sucking in as she went up, twirling her tongue around the head of his cock. ‘The most wonderful person I have ever met, the most beautiful woman any have ever laid eyes on and she’s on her knees in front of me, lips on my…cock,’ he said, clearly not comfortable with that language. He shuddered another moan and leaned back in his elbow and watched her, his hand in her hair.

Zelphie moved a little quicker, adding her hand to the base and he free hand stroked and cupped his balls. If he was going to keep praising her like that, he should expect her to over perform. She wanted him to be selfish that night. Was she ready for sex, to be touched? Of course, but he deserved to just be taken care of, to be worshiped. She was very happy hearing his swear and moan and whine under her touch and tongue. She watched his face and his chest rise, and his eyes never left her face. Timidly, he grabbed one of her horns and applied a little pressure, asking for permission. She cooed in response, so she never stopped her task, but gave him permission to move her. He knew what he liked, she wanted him to show her.

‘How deep can you…?’ He asked, pushing her head down, her mouth taking more of him and stopped at her hand. She breathed through her nose as he kept her steady. ‘Move your hand, my love, just one deep one,’ he asked softly and she took in another deep breath, removed her hands and moved further down. She gagged lightly and stopped moving. He groaned in pleasure and pulled her up. ‘Oh very good, that’s my girl,’ he said and she went down again, just before that gag. ‘Oh fuck, fuck Zelphie, you’ll make quick work of me,’ he panted. That only encouraged her. She kept going, pushing the feeling in the back of her throat away by closing her eyes and focusing on her breathing. She wanted Rolan to lose control, to feel the bliss of an orgasm so quickly. Up and down, breathing through her nose, listening to his cries, she placed her free hand on his chest, bracing herself. ‘Darling, I’m-I’m going…’ he warned her and she added her hand back, determined to make this moment perfect for him. He cried out again and she could taste him. She swallowed his salty and sour cum quickly and lapped up the rest like a cat. ‘Oh…gods dammit Zelphie,’ he said and laid back on the bed, panting. She giggled and kissed his pulsing cock happily, very proud of herself. He leaned up after a little breathing break and looked at her. Her tail was curled up, mischievous and proud, as was her face. She had on a wicked little smile and he shook his head. What was he thinking? He looked dazed. ‘You know exactly how to unravel me,’ he said and she giggled again.

‘Are you happy?’ She asked and he laughed loudly.

‘To quote you from last night, that is a terrible word for how I am feeling, but yes, I am happy,’ he told her and reached down his hand to stroke her face. ‘Off your knees, my love, come up with me,’ he told her and she got up, her knees cracking a little. He pulled her into his lap and grinned up at her. He placed a hand on her back, the other on her backside. ‘Surely, that kind of behavior deserves a little something,’ he told her and she wrapped her arms around his neck. With a strength she didn’t understand, he scooted up further on the bed, taking her with him. He laid back and she wiggled in his lap. ‘Uh uh, no, that is sensitive, you’ve sucked the life out of me,’ he told her and she howled with a laugh. ‘But I still have other parts of me you can find use in,’ he whispered, rubbing her thighs. His thumb ran over a little bite marked on her thigh that he had left on her last night, his little brand. He glanced at it and then looked back up at her. ‘Scoot up,’ he ordered and patted her bottom. She moved up his torso and received another little pat. She moved once more and got another pat. She laughed.

‘Where am I going?’ She asked and he grinned at her, not responding, but just patted her backside again. She scooted up to his chest and she got another pat. ‘Rolan!’ She squeaked when she got one last pat. ‘I’m going to suffocate you,’ she told him with a laugh.

‘I’d like for you to try,’ he said and patted her backside a little more firmly. She stared down at him. ‘Come come, I want to taste you,’ he said, his voice and tone perfectly pleasant considering what he was suggesting. ‘Don’t make me beg,’ he said, swatting her backside. She squealed and then bit her lip, looking down at him.

‘Are you sure?’ She asked and he nodded.

‘I insist, come come, be greedy,’ he said and she wiggled a little, not sure if what he was suggesting was entirely safe for him. How would he breathe? She moved a little and he was able to hook his arms under her thighs and finally push her over his face. She hovered delicately and he took out a nice deep breath. Her body shivered from his hot breath and she felt his arm constricting, pulling her further down. Finally, down not even an inch and she felt his tongue. He wasn’t going slow and she moaned, feeling his greedy tongue already lapping at her clit.

‘Oh my gods, Rolan,’ she breathed and she felt him laughing against her. Her back arched as she got used to this position. Rolan’s very skilled tongue made quick work of her. It was enough for her to be in this position, sitting just above his face. She looked down, his face pressed between her thighs, she watched him, his strong brow bone furrowed in concentration, his eyes closed. He was devastating to watch. She cursed and rocked her hips against him and his arms pulled her down. His tongue was pressed hard against her and she almost doubled over. Damn him, damn him for being so selfless. She leaned over, not able to keep herself upright. ‘Oh! Oh!’ She cried and moaned. She sat back up, knowing full well he would not be able to breathe with her on him like that. His hands moved from her thighs to her backside, helping her grind against him. 

His nails dug into the skin of her backside and she whimpered. She placed a hand over her mouth to keep quiet. His tongue made quick work on her clit, she felt herself dripped and could hear him lapping her juices. He moaned against her and her hips twitched. He laughed against her and she twitched again. He was making quick work of her. She looked down at him and his yellow eyes flashed up at her, a hungry stare. That was it.

‘I’m cumming, I’m going to cum,’ she whimpered and his tongue moved from her clit to her opening quickly, allowing her to properly ride out her orgasm. ‘Oh fuck,’ she whispered and she heard Rolan laugh, muffled of course. Her hips bucked as the pulsating orgasm rang from her spine to her hips and thighs.

She got right off of him and he sat up in his elbows, wiping his face with the back of his hand. He was a mess. His face was deep red, covered in her juices, his hair was undone, but he looked incredibly happy.

‘Are you alright? Did I squish you?’ She asked and he laughed again.

‘I’m on cloud nine,’ he said and sat up, kissing her deeply. She could taste herself on his lips. ‘You are wonderful, so beautiful the way you sing for me,’ he said and kissed her again, leaning her back in the bed. He pressed his nose to hers, she laid back on their pillows. ‘I love you,’ he whispered and she made eye contact with him through loving and lustful eyes.

‘I love you more,’ she whispered back and leaned up to kiss him again. The couple laid with each other, just kissing, touching. Zelphie had hoped he might get hard one last time, but just kisses and touches for now. She would survive. He calmed down a little and rolled over, sighing out and Zelphie scooted close to him, kissing his shoulder. He leaned over and grabbed his book and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close.

‘Are you sure you’d like to hear me read this?’ He asked and she laughed, nodding. His hand found her hair and he began to lightly pet it. Her damned horns got in the way of a proper cuddle, but she curled up against him as best she could. In a low, soft register, Rolan began to read from his book, a chapter on the anatomy of a displacer beast. She wasn’t the biggest fan of an anatomy lesson, but with Rolan’s fingers stroking her hair and his beautifully deep voice and slow breathing, Zelphie was put to peace very quickly. She rubbed tiny circles on his chest and Rolan stopped reading once he felt her stop and grow heavy. He looked down at her and placed his book on the side table mindlessly. He repositioned himself to be on his side, as he liked to. He almost lost an eye when Zelphie rolled over to her other side. He wrapped an arm around her hips and even though light helped him sleep, he fell asleep quickly with his face buried in her hair.

[kvetchlandia]

Poet Delmore Schwartz, New York City Uncredited and Undated Photograph

O Delmore how I miss you. You inspired me to write. You were the greatest man I ever met. You could capture the deepest emotions in the simplest language. Your titles were more than enough to raise the muse of fire on my neck. You were a genius. Doomed.

The mad stories. O Delmore I was so young. I believed so much. We gathered around you as you read Finnegans Wake. So hilarious but impenetrable without you. You said there were few things better in life than to devote oneself to Joyce. You’d annotated every word in the novels you kept from the library. Every word.

And you said you were writing “The Pig’s Valise.” O Delmore no such thing. They looked, after your final delusion led you to a heart attack in the Hotel Dixie. Unclaimed for three days. You—one of the greatest writers of our era. No valise.

You wore the letter from T.S. Eliot next to your heart. His praise of In Dreams. Would that you could have stopped that wedding. No good will come of this!!! You were right. You begged us—Please don’t let them bury me next to my mother. Have a party to celebrate moving from this world hopefully to a better one. And you Lou—I swear—and you know if anyone could I could—you Lou must never write for money or I will haunt you.

I’d given him a short story. He gave me a B. I was so hurt and ashamed. Why haunt talentless me? I was the walker for “The Heavy Bear Who Goes With Me.” To literary cocktails. He hated them. And I was put in charge. Some drinks later—his shirt undone—one tail front right hanging—tie skewed, fly unzipped. O Delmore. You were so beautiful. Named for a silent movie star dancer Frank Delmore. O Delmore—the scar from dueling with Nietzsche.

Reading Yeats and the bell had rung but the poem was not over you hadn’t finished reading—liquid rivulets sprang from your nose but still you would not stop reading. I was transfixed. I cried—the love of the word—the heavy bear.

You told us to break into __’s estate where your wife was being held prisoner. Your wrists broken by those who were your enemies. The pills jumbling your fine mind.

I met you in the bar where you had just ordered five drinks. You said they were so slow that by the time you had the fifth you should have ordered again. Our scotch classes. Vermouth. The jukebox you hated—the lyrics so pathetic.

You called the White House one night to protest their actions against you. A scholarship to your wife to get her away from you and into the arms of whomever in Europe.

I heard the newsboy crying Europe Europe.

Give me enough hope and I’ll hang myself.

Hamlet came from an old upper class family.

Some thought him drunk but—really—he was a manic-depressive—which is like having brown hair.

You have to take your own shower—an existential act. You could slip in the shower and die alone.

Hamlet starting saying strange things. A woman is like a cantaloupe Horatio—once she’s open she goes rotten.

O Delmore where was the Vaudeville for a Princess. A gift to the princess from the stage star in the dressing room.

The duchess stuck her finger up the duke’s ass and the kingdom vanished.

No good will come of this. Stop this courtship!

Sir you must be quiet or I must eject you.

Delmore understood it all and could write it down impeccably.

Shenandoah Fish*. You were too good to survive. The insights got you. The fame expectations. So you taught.

And I saw you in the last round.

I loved your wit and massive knowledge.

You were and have always been the one.

You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him think.

I wanted to write. One line as good as yours. My mountain. My inspiration.

You wrote the greatest short story ever written. In Dreams

-- Lou Reed, "Oh Delmore How I Miss You" 2012

----

*Autobiographical Character in several Schwartz works

[thetriplets3]

hello, my friend. from the prompts list, may i please request "tell me about your day" where the reader asks Matt about his day?

or, maybe Matt makes a gluten-free pizza for the reader 😉 tysm ♡

how about both? this makes my little celiac heart happy. thank you for the request <3

ease my mind

Chaotic. That’s one way to describe the day I’ve had at work. People demanding more that one person can do at a time, getting berated for doing my job, being pulled in every direction I feel myself slowly falling apart. As soon as I shut my car door, my head meets the headrest as I let out a loud groan, before heading home.

I’m used to driving the same route home everyday. It's automatic for me at this point. Tonight however my overwhelmed brain has led me to your house. I stood aimlessly at your front door for a few minutes debating if I should just go, considering it is pretty late and you yourself have been busy lately. Before I can let myself think any longer I press your contact, calling you, not wanting to wake anyone else up.

“Hi honey what’s up?” You pick up at the first ring.

“Hi, could you please unlock the door for me?” I weakly say, not having much energy to talk.

“Of course I’ll be right there” you say. I can hear you rushing off your bed before hanging up.

Opening the door you immediately pull me into your arms, which is exactly what I needed. The smell of freshly baked food fills my nose, comforting me.

“Smells great in here” I compliment.

“I made pizza from scratch, it took a while” you chuckled.

Unconsciously let out a sigh and frown, homemade pizza and I can’t have any. Things got so crazy at work I haven’t had a chance to stop and eat anything since 11am. It’s hitting me now smelling this pizza just how hungry I am.

Since being diagnosed celiac, you’ve been more aware of how difficult it is for me to find food I can eat while we’re out, having to check every label and how much I hate not being able to just eat what everyone else does. You’ve started carrying snacks for me in your bag so I always have something to eat. I love how thoughtful you are. It makes me feel like a burden having to ask places to take extra precautions when preparing my food and limiting the amount of places we can eat.

“I made it just for you, it’s gluten free. It took a while because I wanted to make sure everything was safe and cleaned properly before making it. I double checked everything and even made Nick and Chris check too” you said proudly.

“Matt” my lips form a pout. “You did all that for me? Oh thank you my love, you didn’t have to” I gush, my heart doubling in size.

“Of course I did. I know how much you despise baking so you won’t make any gluten free stuff for yourself so I thought I would try. I tried a piece it’s pretty good. I was gonna bring it to you tomorrow but since you’re here now let’s eat” you say.

Each grabbing a few slices of pizza we made our way to your room getting comfy in bed. “How was work tonight?’ You ask.

“Wasn’t a good night. I’d rather not talk about it” I sigh, not wanting to remember the events. “Tell me about your day” I ask, wanting to be distracted and hearing you talk puts me at ease.

“I’m sorry honey, but hey look on the bright side you have the next 2 days off and you’ll be spending it with me, taking it easy because you deserve it” you softly say. “My day, hmm. I didn’t do much. I went to the store to get all the stuff to make the pizza which took up a good portion of the day because I’m not used to baking. Oh and I got some of your favorite snacks to keep over here so you have food when you stay over. Other than that we spent a few hours at the warehouse planning out some video ideas” You tell me, while your thumb rubs soothingly over the back of my hand.

“I can’t thank you enough for everything you do for me. You know how much I love that you carry snacks around for me but let me pay you back. I feel bad, gluten free food is pricey, I can’t let you spend your money on that for me” I plead.

“Oh zip it I don’t mind buying you things. I don’t want you to have to buy or pack food for when you come to stay over. I should have things you can eat here. I love having you here and being able to take care of you. I love you sweetheart” you say.

“I love you more. You made my day so much better. Can you keep talking, I don’t care what it’s about. I just wanna listen to you talk, you put my mind at ease” I ask, moving my now empty plate to the bedside table and get myself comfy in your arms.

“I’ll do anything for you honey” you promise me.

Taglist:

@d0wnt0wnstu4n1ol0 @im-a-matt-girl @iluvmatt @stxrniqlo @antisocialties

[luvz13ss]

@lounaticcc | @thegreatestkingston ____________________________ Info page/Warning(s): here!

╭◜◝ ͡ ◜◝ ╮ ૮Ꮚ ⑅ ´ ˘ ` Ꮚა. following story is recommended for ages 13 and up, preferably on the more mature side. If you cannot handle these topics please do not read further. Personal discretion is advised.

I FELT MY HEART AND TOAST DROP IN MY STOMACH... ______________________________________________________________ "Ugh..." I groaned as I heard my phone's alarm blaring into my ear. It was yelling at me to wake up for school. Junior High, in particular. Ah, things used to seem so much simpler back then. But, let's continuing running this back to the past. My eyes remained shut as I smacked my phone a few times, missing, but eventually shutting the alarm off. I let out a content sigh before snuggling back into my blankets, cozying myself up. Now I can finally have a peaceful morning! Screw school. "Denki!" My eyes shot open in annoyance. I could feel the sleepiness pulling down on my eye bags. "Get ready for school!" "Okay..." I mumbled. "Huh?" The female voice yelled back from somewhere else in my house. "I said okay, ma!" I spoke louder, my voice hoarse. That was my mom, Beniko. In my opinion, she's the best mom I could ever ask for. "I'll be home in time to make dinner!" My mom called out to me. Before I could respond, I heard the recognizable sound of my front door slamming shut. I knew she was leaving for her job. My mom worked at a fancy salon all the way out in Hosu City, so she always had to leave early to get there on time. She was great at styling hair! Me? Well... that's a different story. Hey, at least I get haircuts for free! She always found ways to save money, because we needed to. She makes a god amount of money. But, on a one person income-- it was honestly just enough to get by. That's why I always feel bad whenever she spends money on me; especially when it's something expensive. Last year, when I turned 14, she had been saving all her extra money to get me a PlayStation as a combined birthday and Christmas present. I was so grateful! But, I told her I would've been just as grateful with just a simple 'I love you.' As I laid there in bed alone with my thoughts, like how every child my age is before school, I reluctantly stood up and slid off my bed. I stretched as I watched my mattress return to it's original state now that my weight was off of it. I took in the rest of my surroundings. My room was kind of messy... Should I clean it now? But school-- Eh, I'll just do it later, I guess. I opened my closet and pulled out my boring ass school uniform. I did some trick shots as I threw my pajamas in my hamper and then changed. "I wonder what Hanta's doin' right now..." I muttered to myself as I grabbed my phone off my bed and made my way to the kitchen. Hanta Sero. He's like one of my bestest best friends! Well, the only one I can still actually see... I've known him since primary school, but we got super close during grade 7, after she went missing. He's a really funny and understanding guy and I feel like he brings out the best in me. I'd really hate to lose him. When I got to the kitchen, I reached up and pulled down a fresh loaf of bread that was sitting up on top of the fridge. I quickly unwrapped it, feeling it's freshness. "Mom must've just bought this the other day." I pulled out the best looking slice and stuffed it into the toaster. When it finished, I threw it on a plate, melted some butter, and practically coated it in the salty goodness. Hey, the more butter the better! I mean-- who doesn't like butter? I sat down and began to eat. I wasn't that hungry, so this should be enough. I was scrolling through the news app on my phone. I definitely wasn't the type to willingly watch or read the news, but I was only looking for one thing in particular. Something on her... "New Hero Makes Debut Defeating Giant Villain: Mount Lady..." I read the news headline in my head, "Huh, she's hot." I continued to scroll. "Quirkless Kid Runs Into Action Trying to Save Boy from Sludge Villain?" I mumbled, "Damn..., I wish I was that brave." I sighed, subconsciously beginning to scroll. My eye's widened as I had to pause and swipe my finger up to scroll back. I felt my heart drop into my stomach as I continued to swallow the bite of toast I had in my mouth.

[starry-eyed-adam]

a great day to be alive

rating: pg-13 / words: 1896

featuring the incredible @littlemissartemisia’s Claire

content warning: this work contains mention of suicide/attempts, alcohol abuse, and dysphoria

————————————————————————

The splashing of the razor in the tiny bowl is one of the many sounds of the morning. The open window lets in the melody of the chickens’ muted bawks and birds’ songs that float above the dew-weighted air, and reveals that the sun’s reached just high enough above the mountains to spill into the bathroom, rendering the overhead light pretty much useless.

Leo swishes the tiny blades in the ceramic bowl, shaking off the caked-on shaving cream before he leans in towards the mirror again, tilting his head to scrape under his jawline. While his brothers have other indicators of facial hair (Don’s stripes, Raph’s short spikes), Leo doesn’t have any, period. But it makes him feel nice to shave anyway. Makes him feel well-groomed. More masculine, even. Once finished with the patch under his jaw, the slider turns his head. He’ll be the first to admit that he’s admiring himself, obviously. He’s put a lot of work into this pretty face.

Content with his work, Leo dips his hand into the plugged sink and splashes warm water on his clean face, washing away the rest of the cream. The towel beside the sink is tugged off of its metal ring as Leo pats himself dry. Taking another moment to look at his handsome self, Leo grins and whistles through his teeth. So this is what his honeybunny’s so happy to wake up to every morning. He gets it.

The steam from his shower’s still lingering in the room, so the running overhead fan might contribute to it, but Leo’s too busy applying aftershave—another thing he doesn’t need, but has enough money and too much self-respect to get—and humming to himself to hear the footsteps approach the open bathroom door. He’s not even aware she’s standing there until—

“Uncle Leo.”

The slider nearly drops the damn pump bottle he’s so startled. Setting the aftershave a little forcefully on the counter, mostly so he doesn’t allow himself the chance to drop it again, Leo takes a sharp breath as he looks over towards his brother’s eldest. “Hey, Claire. G’morning.”

The white-haired girl is… small, today. She’s sort of curling into herself, holding her arms and keeping her head low, barely even meeting his eyes. She’s leaning against the doorway, not really facing him until he shuts off the fan and turns to her. “Everythin’ okay?”

The teenager just kinda hums and shrugs, but Leo catches the corners of her eyes crinkling, and she sniffs. “Yeah, I mean… I just, uh.”

Her uncle stays where he is, patiently waiting.

Claire sniffs and rubs at her face before finally looking up, her expression taking Leo aback somewhat. Her eyes and nose are reddened with obvious tears, and something like hopelessness dulls her entire face. “When does it get easier?” she whispers, so faint that Leo isn’t sure he quite hears her at first.

“What? When does what get easier, kiddo?” he answers with a voice almost just as quiet, brow furrowed in worry. Claire glances down again—shit, he’s losing her—and shrugs once more, weaker this time.

“I dunno. All of it.” She sniffs. “Being trans, queer. Being hated. Being… alive.”

There’s a long silence between them, and Leo’s heart aches at every word. “…that’s a tough question, Claire.”

She recoils immediately. “I know. I’m sorry. It was dumb. I’ll leave you alo—“

Her uncle’s hand is suddenly firmly in hers, and Leo leans down to meet her eyes, fully sincere. “It ain’t dumb. I still have those questions myself. But, unlike you—��� his own eyes crinkle with a smile. “I have a couple more years experience doin’ all that.”

“I figured you were the person to go to.” Claire gives him a tight smile back. “I mean, we’ve got so much in common. We’re both trans and queer, super depressed, alcoholic—“

“‘Ey. Former alcoholic.” Leo lifts an eyebrow at her as he flashes his 90 day chip, making Claire laugh.

“Alright, former alcoholic. What else…?”

“Both had boyfriends that Donnie hated at first and probably still does a little an’ also tried to kill them?” Her uncle grins at Claire’s surprised expression. “I never did tell ya about Yuichi an’ Donnie’s fights.”

“Oh.” She glances down again, gaze lingering on his chest for a moment. “I was going to say something like we both tried to kill ourselves.”

The room goes quiet, and Leo’s breath stills. He swallows, and sighs. “Yeah. I s’pose we did. I gotta tell ya though, the amnesia does make that a lot easier to handle.” His eyes widen at the gears suddenly turning in her mind. “Quit tryin’ to figure out the easiest way to hit yourself on the head with a twenty-pound rock.”

After a moment, some of the darkness seems to lift from the girl’s expression and she even laughs, before she rubs her eyes and sighs deeply. Leo grins again and squeezes her hand. “Now, tell me who hates ya.”

This time, her laugh is without humor. “I do.” His niece’s eyes don’t meet his for a while, but she seems surprised to see the understanding reflecting in Leo’s gaze. Claire rubs her arm, sighing again. “There’s a few reasons, I’d rather not get into them… I just wanna know what to do about it, I don’t wanna hate myself. It… really sucks.”

Leo shakes his head with a sad smile. “That it does. Unfortunately, kiddo, I think it’s jus’ somethin’ that you grow out of. It ain’t gonna last forever, an’ you just gotta be strong through it. Be around your family, y’know, people that love ya. Remind yourself that you’re loved.” He sighs. “As for the trans thing… it’s… it ain’t easy findin’ people that support ya, truly an’ deeply. I know it’s 2051 an’ everyone’s openminded an’ shit, but that don’t mean it’s any easier internally.” Lightly, he taps his chest. “Havin’ some people around you, though. It does help. An’ you’ve always got your family. You’ll always have your parents, an’ your uncles, an’ all of your siblings an’ cousins. I hope that might count for somethin’.”

Slowly, she nods, though seems unsatisfied. Shifting where he stands, Leo’s voice drops in volume. “The self-hatred that comes from things outta your control… an’ the resultin’ urges, that… that’s different. It’s all self-loathing, but this kind burns so much deeper.” He rubs the back of her hand with his thumb, eyes low. “It seems like the people around you can’t help. Even like you’re hurtin’ them. It’s so, so crushing, that guilt. It festers, an’ spreads to every corner of your mind. I get it, I…” Leo sighs deeply, eyes closed. “I do. But you gotta fight it, even when you feel like you can’t. Especially when you feel like you can’t. There’s always reasons to keep goin’, because you’re not a bad person for what you’ve done, an’ the pain won’t last forever.”

Claire keeps her head hung, and her arms tighten around herself. Nervously, Leo rubs the back of his neck. “I’m sorry, kid. I know it’s probably not what you’re lookin’ for. I’m not an expert or—“

Leo’s stunned into silence by the pair of arms that wrap tightly around him. His niece buries her face in the crook of his neck and holds onto him. “I’m really glad you’re still here, Leo,” she whispers, voice choked with tears. “I know it was hard.”

Leo loves his family to death. He does. But oh, God, he realizes as he slowly hugs back, he doesn’t get told that nearly enough. Leo closes his eyes, gently rubbing her back as a stray tear escapes him. “I am too,” whispers the cowboy, faint. “I’m glad I lasted long enough to meet such an incredibly smart—“ he hugs her tighter, “strong—“ another squeeze, “absolutely beautiful an’ kind an’ loving girl like you. I want you to stick around as long as you possibly can, kiddo.” Firmly, Leo kisses the top of her head, sniffling himself. “I love you.”

She chokes on a laugh through her tears, and clings to him. “Thanks.”

After a long moment, they separate again, and Leo meets her eyes. “You tried talkin’ to your parents about this at all?”

Claire sniffs. “Dad… you know him, he’s not good with talking about this sort of stuff. He just gets upset and he doesn’t know what to say. Mom comforts me, but she doesn’t really get it. Neither of them do. So I don’t see the point in going to them. You’ve lived my life. Or, a lot of it. I’d rather talk to you about all of this.”

“Ah.” Sounds about right for his brother. Leo leans against the wall, exhaling slowly. “Donnie an’ Cat have four kids they gotta worry about, on top of a farm an’ ranch that’s suddenly expanded. Don’t blame ‘em for not bein’ all there right now.”

“I’m not,” Claire jumps in.

“They’re tryin’ really hard to be good parents to all of you. An’ I’m amazed with how well Don’s been doing so far. But he feels disconnected from ya.” Now, Leo never actually heard his brother say this. But he sees it, he can tell, when Scotty jumps into Leo’s arm to hug him when they get home and Donnie’s arms stay empty, or when Claire has an issue with someone at school and brings it up to her mom or to Mikey. The softshell’s need for validation, especially as a parent, is starting to choke him.

His niece is quiet. “He doesn’t understand like you do.”

“He’s your dad, kiddo,” says Leo, soft. “There’s a million things he ain’t gonna understand. But he wants to try. An’ I’d really, really like it if you’d give him that chance.”

The words hang in the air for a moment, and that’s okay. Leo smiles a bit as he watches Claire consider them. “…okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. Okay. I’ll… try to talk to him more.”

“That’s the spirit.” With a grin, Leo nudges her. “An’ try to give him a hug every now an’ then, yeah? Even if he don’t want it. An’ you be kind to your mama, too. Both a’ them work really hard for you.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay, I got it.” Claire rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling. “I’ll do that.”

“Thank you.” Leo hangs up the face towel again and shuts off the overhead light as they both head out of the room. “You have breakfast yet?”

She follows him out. “No.”

“Claire! It’s 8am! If you don’t eat now you ain’t gettin’ a chance until lunch!” Leo grins at her, nudges her again. Claire just hums, shrugs, and her uncle sighs, rifling through his pocket again for the little plastic disc.

“Hey.”

The girl glances up to see the ‘90 Days Sober’ chip hanging off its chain, dangling from Leo’s fist. She smirks at him. “You’re very proud of that thing.”

“Bump my mother-friggin’ fist, you socially inept teenager,” her uncle laughs. “Here’s to gettin’ better.”

Claire hesitates, then lightly taps her fist against Leo’s. “To getting better,” she repeats, faintly. As they head down the stairs, the sounds of clanking silverware and plates and faded conversation grows louder. Leo grins, swings his little chain around as he leads her down.

“Mhm. An’ gettin’ better starts with having a damn meal. C’mon, you like pancakes or waffles?”

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.60 Updates

I hated waking up super early and wondered how Sophia did it for so long. But I felt so slothful, sleeping soundly while she dragged herself out of bed every morning. True, I had nowhere to go and no reason to stay awake, yet I felt terrible. Despite our late night shenanigans, I was determined to get up and see her off for once. It was challenging, and I hesitated to commit to a 5:30 wake up time, but I pushed through and was glad that I did.

I wish I could spend one day in her head and see what went on in there. She was ridiculously funny. Like, what was there to laugh at that early in the morning? I didn't think mornings were funny time, but somehow she got us laughing. If this was a preview of what the rest of our life together would be like, I'd die a very happy man.

It was much too early in the morning to think about food, at least for me, but I offered to cook a fresh meal while she showered. To my surprise, she declined in favor of the leftover sauteed potatoes and mushrooms from last night.

"Really?" I said.

"I had a dream about it!"

I didn't think it was that good, but I'm glad she enjoyed it. And at least she had food to eat for breakfast now, seeing as she usually skipped it. How she could do her job on an empty stomach was beyond me.

I eventually showered and ate breakfast myself, then headed outside for yoga, grumbling at the sight of my dirty mats. So far, the only nice thing about desert living was the weather. Oasis Springs was my home for the moment, and I'd do whatever I could to make the best of it. But I sincerely hoped Sophia wasn't in love with this city because I couldn't bear living there forever.

As I dusted off the mats and prepared to begin my session, I remembered I bought a drone to record myself and set it up. I wasn't sure if I'd like being a content creator, but I committed to at least giving it a shot.

Afterward, I called my sister to update her on what had transpired over the last 24 hours. As soon as her shriek hit my ear, I regretted sharing my news, only because I knew she would tell Mama. Less would also have a thousand questions for me, just like Mama, but at least she wouldn't ask me about weddings and babies; I could deal with her shenanigans way better than Mama's. Still, I begged her not to say anything. She said she wouldn't, and I really hoped she was telling the truth.

As for her, she's looking for her own place. Mama gave her money too, so she wasn't concerned about finding a place, especially because Mt. Komorebi is full of shoebox homes. Paying the bills was another story, so she was also looking for a permanent job. Working full time meant she would have to spend less time on the slopes, which threatened her pursuit of happiness. But she'd give it a shot and see how she managed.

I mistakenly asked if she was dating anyone. She raved incessantly about the joy of being unattached, boasting proudly about her extensive roster. [sigh] Don't get me wrong. I absolutely loved how much braver she was than me, diving headfirst into this wild dating world and having the time of her life. But that was not something a brother wanted to hear about from his little sister, so I told her I had some work to do and got out of that conversation as quickly as I could.

I sat at the computer to record an introduction video for my SimTube channel. I had set it up a while ago, right after Sophia suggested it, but it's been dormant this whole time, waiting for me to decide making videos was a good move.

I introduced myself, stated I loved yoga and wanted to show everyone how it could help them live a better life. Without a plan, I messed up a lot and had re-record many times. Eventually, however, I did a take I liked and edited the video. Media production was new to me, and I struggled with it a lot. But even though I wasn't having a good time sitting there all that time not being active, I somehow found enjoyment. Maybe I liked the challenge of learning something completely new and foreign? Whatever the case, maybe I could do this SimTube thing after all. Still, I had to get up and stretch because editing videos required way too much sitting for my tastes. Just as I was about to sit back down, Sophia pounced on me from behind with the tightest hug. I didn't realize it was 3:00, and she startled me in the best way.

"I missed you sooooooo much," she said.

"Hey! I missed you too. I didn't even hear you come in. Did you have a good day?"

"Not really. But I have a list of things that will make me feel better," she said with a gorgeously mischievous look.

"A whole list, huh? Bet. What's first?"

"Last one under the sheets takes out the trash."

Need to catch up? See what you missed or start reading here!

[sugdenlovesdingle]

Tarlos @flufftober day 3 (yes, finally)

"Wait, you love me?" "Always have."

Push (AO3)

Some missing moments from Push (S03E04) between TK waking up in the hospital to him coming home to the loft with Carlos.

(after every --- it's a new day)

------

“Hey.” TK said softly to a sleeping Carlos next to his bed. He gave his hand a squeeze. “Carlos.”

Carlos’ eyes flew open and he looked panicked for a moment before finding TK and a sleepy smile spread over his face.

“Hey.” TK said again.

“Hey yourself.” Carlos replied and moved his chair a little closer to the bed, pressing a kiss to TK’s knuckles when he settled down again. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired. Kind of cold. Still.”

It had been a rough 24 hours. From TK almost dying and Carlos trying to get himself to say goodbye, to him miraculously waking up and getting stronger by the hour.

They were back together but they both knew there were still some difficult conversations to be had. Later. For now though Carlos just sat by TK’s bed and held his hand, fingers lingering on his pulse point, just to remind himself he was there, he was ok, and most importantly, he was his again.

“The doctor said that’s to be expected. It’ll take your body some time to recover from everything.”

TK gave him an amused look.

“What?”

“Have you been talking to my doctor about me?”

“No, no, no. She came to talk to your dad earlier. He was here. And I just… heard it too. I wasn’t digging or anything.”

“Babe, relax, it’s ok. I don’t mind.” TK assured him and Carlos seemed to relax a little at that.

“Do you want me to go find a nurse and ask for another blanket? Or maybe a hot water bottle? I don’t know if they have that but I can ask.”

“No, I’m ok. I just want you.”

Carlos smiled.

“You have me.”

---

“Aren’t you uncomfortable in that chair?” TK asked. He’d woken up from a nap and Carlos was right there in the chair next to his bed. Right where he’d been the past 48 hours, only leaving the room when the medical staff forced him to, or for quick bathroom breaks.

“I’m fine.” Carlos insisted. He sat up a little straighter and cracked his neck and rolled the stiffness from his shoulders. “Your dad went to get some food and call your mom. I think she’s planning on flying out as soon as the storm lets up.”

“Is it still going?” TK glanced at the window but the blinds were closed.

“I don’t know. I haven’t been outside in two days.” Carlos admitted reluctantly. “My mom dropped off a change of clothes for me and some food while you were asleep.” He explained.

TK nodded and they sat in silence for a while. He hated how awkward things still were between them. He’d never had a problem talking to Carlos, not even when he was still in denial he was falling in love with him.

“Don’t you have a shift?” he asked after a while.

Carlos shook his head.

“I had some time off scheduled. To… work on the loft... They made me take the days.”

“Oh…”

“I only got called in because of the storm. And because Marj was back at it again. I didn’t want anyone else picking her up.”

“Wait you arrested Marjan?” TK asked, carefully steering the conversation away from painful topics.

“Yeah. A few times actually. Didn’t she tell you?”

“I haven’t seen much of her lately. Fire got moved to other houses in the city and with the three of us working for Paragon… We just don’t really get to hang like we used to.”

Carlos nodded.

“Do you still hate working for Paragon?”

“So much.” TK groaned. “They only care about money and profits. If I take too long helping someone, I get called into the office to explain myself. But… it’s the only way I can keep working with Cap and Nancy, so I don’t have a choice.”

“Well… I’m here if you want to vent.”

---

“Hey, I found an episode of grand designs. It's probably a rerun though, so you’ve probably already seen it.” TK told Carlos when he came back into the room after a shower.

The nurses had started to take pity on him and his back, and had worked their magic to get a second bed put into TK's room as well as given him a towel and some soap so he could freshen up.

It had been four days since TK had all but come back from the dead and Carlos was slowly starting to accept he wasn't going to disappear or die on him if he left the room for more than five minutes.

“I haven't watched much TV lately. I picked up a lot of extra shifts. I uh… didn't want to be in the loft on my own. I mostly just went to bed the minute I got back after work.” Carlos told him and sat down in the chair next to TK's bed again.

“Let's watch it together then. I think it's just started.” TK scooted over and patted the mattress. Plenty of room for both of us.

“No, no, I don't want to hurt you.”

“You won't. Come on, I want to cuddle with my boyfriend.”

Carlos hesitated for a moment before shaking his head and giving in.

“You play dirty.” He said as he carefully got on the bed next to TK, wrapping his arms around him.

“Maybe. But it works.” TK replied, slipping an arm around Carlos' waist and getting comfortable in his embrace.

They watched the show without really paying attention to it, just happy to be close to each other again.

---

“And then Paul got stuck inside the ice house with the girl, but we got them out. And her dad was so happy, he wanted to buy us a Ferrari.” Mateo excitedly told them.

Mateo, Judd, Paul, and Marjan had stopped by to see how he was doing and catch him up on everything that had happened the past few days.

“Uh no, he offered to buy me anything I wanted, you two just tried to talk him into buying you expensive cars.” Paul cut in.

“Hey, I’m a new dad, I deserve to celebrate.” Judd replied.

“Celebrate by having someone buy you a sports car?” TK asked laughingly. “Anyway, show me a picture of my goddaughter.”

“Who says you get to be her godfather?” Marjan asked, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “Almost dying does not automatically give you godparent rights.”

“Oh and being a social media star does?”

“No but being a kickass firefighter might.”

“So that makes me her godfather.” Paul said, daring the others to disagree. “Since you are no longer a firefighter.” He pointed at TK. “And out of the two of us, I’m the one who saved the girl.”

“Technically you didn’t save anyone. The rest of the crew saved you both.” Marjan pointed out.

“Alright quit your fighting. We haven’t decided on godparents yet. But my brothers and Grace’s sisters are higher on the list than y’all.” Judd told them. “But you’re all more than welcome to babysit.”

“Sure. I’ll be happy to.” Marjan said, a little too loudly. “Auntie Marjan will teach her how to deal with all the stupid boys in her life.”

TK laughed.

“She’s only a few days old, Marj.”

“So we’ll start early so when she gets to an age where boys become annoying, she’ll know how to deal with them.” Marjan replied. “Like when they’re obviously still in love with the guy they broke up with and won’t tell you why but just mope around for months.”

“Well you won’t have to deal with that anymore.” TK told her and looked at Carlos who was sitting next to him on the bed, quietly observing and letting the madness wash over him. “Right babe?”

Carlos just smiled and met him halfway when he leaned in for a kiss.

---

“TK will you please tell your mother I am not lying or trying to placate her when I say you’re doing better?” Owen said, exasperated, walking into TK’s hospital room, holding his phone away from his ear.

TK had been moved out of the ICU and onto a regular ward that morning, but thankfully still had a room to himself.

He took the phone from his dad.

“Hey mom, dad is not lying. This time.” He joked and laughed at Owen’s reaction. “I’m ok.”

“What does your doctor say about that?” Gwyn asked. “I know what you and your dad are like.”

“Mom, I really am ok. The doctors actually think I can go home soon.” TK lied. He was desperate to get out of hospital but none of the doctors had said anything about discharging him yet.

“As soon as the weather improves and Jonah’s ear infection clears up, we’re on the next flight out.” Gwyn promised. “I hate the thought of you on your own in that hospital because your dad has to single handedly save Austin from a blizzard.”

“I'm not on my own. Carlos is here.” TK said, ignoring his mom’s dig at his father and reaching out for Carlos’ hand.

“Oh Carlos is huh, does that mean the romance is back on?”

TK laughed.

“Don’t pretend dad hasn’t told you.”

“He might have mentioned him being at the hospital a lot.” Gwyn admitted. “But you know what your father is like, he never tells me anything important and leaves out all of the details.”

“There are no details. Carlos is here, we talked, I love him, he loves me… and we’re back together. We know what not to do now. We want to make it work. We are going to make it work.” TK said determined and looked at Carlos who squeezed his hand in confirmation.

Suddenly he heard a loud wailing in the background and Gwyn sighed.

“Jonah just woke up. I have to go honey, I’ll see you soon. Give Carlos my love.”

“I will. Give Jonah a kiss from me. Bye mom.” TK replied and ended the call.

“Wait, you love me?” Carlos asked, mischievous smile tugging at his lips.

TK had missed that smile.

He put a hand on Carlos’ cheek and leaned in.

“Always have.” He murmured right before kissing him to show him exactly how much.

Next to them Owen said something about giving them some privacy but neither of them noticed.

---

“Hello TK, good to see you again.” Andrea Reyes walked into TK’s hospital room, making both him and Carlos sit up straighter.

“Mama, what are you doing here?” Carlos asked her.

“Coming to see how TK is doing of course.” She said matter-of-factly. “I ran into Owen yesterday and he mentioned how the two of you have been camping out here, so I thought I’d come visit and check on you both.”

“I’m sorry for not keeping you updated. I was going to come over but things have been a little hectic here, especially the first few days and - ”

“It’s ok.” Andrea interrupted and looked at the two men for a moment and smiled. “Carlos, will you go get me a coffee from the restaurant downstairs?”

“There is a machine down the hall… The coffee isn’t great but it’s drinkable, or I could try getting you something from the nurse’s lounge. They won’t mind. They know me by now.” Carlos rambled.

“Carlitos.” Andrea started. “Por favor.” She just said and waited.

Carlos sighed and got up.

“Si mama.”

She waited until Carlos had left the room and then sat down next to TK’s bed.

“If you’re coming to give me the shovel talk and tell me not to hurt Carlos again, you won’t have to. I love him and I won’t ever hurt him again, I promise.”

Andrea smiled.

“That’s good to know sweetheart.”

“I’m really sorry I hurt him.”

“I know. He does too.”

TK nodded.

“I know I’ll have to earn your trust again after everything, but I promise I will do anything to convince you I’m serious about Carlos. I love him and I want to be with him. Forever. If that’s how long he’ll have me. And that’s probably not what you want to hear but…” TK trailed off, not really knowing what it was he wanted to say.

“Carlos is a big boy, he can make his own decisions about his love life.” Andrea told him. “If he’s happy, I’m happy. And if you boys want to be together again, then I’m the first to welcome you back into the Reyes family.”

“Really?”

“Of course. All I’ve ever wanted is for my kids to be happy. And you make Carlos happy, anyone can see that.”

“He makes me happy too.”

“That’s all that matters.” Andrea patted his hand. “Now when you get out of here, you boys should come over for dinner sometime. Gabriel would love to see you again too and I’ll make ropa vieja the way Carlos’ grandmother makes it. It’s his favourite.”

---

“I’m going stir crazy in here.” TK complained. “I haven’t been outside in almost two weeks.”

“The last time you were outside you nearly died.” Carlos reminded him.

“Yeah but I didn’t. And now I feel like I might die of boredom.”

“Oh I’m boring you am I? I’ve been in this hospital just as long as you, sleeping in these uncomfortable chairs, and this is the thanks I get?” Carlos said, trying to sound serious and angry but the smile on his face gave him away. “Give me five minutes.” He got up and quickly kissed TK before leaving the room.

“Where are you going?”

“Five minutes!”

“Carlos!”

“I’ll be right back!”

True to his word, Carlos did come back within five minutes, but TK wasn’t thrilled with what he’d brought with him.

“What’s that?”

“Someone who has spent as much time in hospitals as you have should know what this is.”

TK rolled his eyes.

“I’m not getting in that thing.”

“Why not? It’s the perfect solution to your boredom problem.”

“I can walk.”

“You’ve barely walked more than 10 steps the past two weeks. Come on, get in.”

“Why do I have to get in a wheelchair? How is this a solution?”

“Because..” Carlos started, grabbing a blanket from the bed and draping it over the chair. “We’re going out.”

“Out? Out where? I can’t just leave this place. My mom will fly over here and drag me back herself.”

Carlos chuckled, knowing Gwyn would probably at least try to do exactly that.

“Just downstairs. To the hospital garden. The weather is nice.”

“How do you know, you’ve been stuck in here with me the whole time.”

“One of the nurses just told me.” Carlos said laughingly. “Come on, let’s get some fresh air and maybe some ice cream.”

“Are you seriously bribing me with ice cream?”

“That depends… is it working?”

After a few minutes of back and forth, TK reluctantly got in the wheelchair and let Carlos wheel him to the hospital garden where they sat down on a bench.

“This is nice.” TK admitted, closing him eyes and tilting his face up to the sun.

“You mean I was right? This was a good idea.” Carlos teased.

“Shut up.” TK shot back, happily accepting the kiss Carlos pressed to his temple.

They stayed on the bench for a while, sitting close together to keep warm because TK refused to cover up with the blanket and choosing to wrap himself in Carlos’ jacket instead.

“I can’t wait to get out of here. I feel fine and I’m just taking up a bed when there’s someone out there who might really need it.”

“I’m sure they won’t keep you here longer than necessary.”

“I know…” TK sighed. “I’m just bored. And I miss my own bed.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, is that so strange? It’s a hospital, not a hotel. The beds aren’t that comfortable. And I’m fed up with the blood tests and the IVs and the wires they keep attaching to me.”

“I know. I get that. I just… there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Ok… Sounds serious…”

“No. Yes. I mean. Yes it’s serious. But nothing bad, I promise.”

“That does nothing to reassure me.”

Carlos shook his head. The conversation was not going the way he’d planned.

“I was hoping... That when you can get out of here... You would want to come back to the loft. With me. Permanently.”

“Are you asking me to move in with you? Again?” TK asked, a smile spreading over his face.

“Yes. Again. I don’t want you to go back to your dad’s house, I want you to come home with me. The loft was always supposed to be ours… but I understand if you think it’s too soon or you’re not ready or something but -”

TK shut him up with a kiss.

“There’s nothing I want more.” He vowed. “But you’re helping me tell my dad.”