#i got no money and I hate myself and every day i wake up with the horrible intrusive thoughts

[snowysosturn]

Fire & Desire - Matt Sturniolo Part 10

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Finale

Pairing: Y/n x Matt Sturniolo

Summary: Y/n has always clashed with Matt. Despite working for Chris’s clothing brand and being close with Nick, her relationship with Matt has always been tense at best. While being forced to be around each other more, their animosity turns into something deeper. Can they overcome their differences, or will their fiery emotions tear them apart?

Warnings: MDNI, angst, tension

I woke up the next morning at 9.30 am, pulling the eye mask over my head as the sunlight flooded in my entryway. Stretching, I let out a yawn and checked my phone. Still no response from Matt. Not that I was expecting any after being left on read.

Brushing it off, I got up and threw on my slippers. Nick and I we going shopping at 11, and the idea of getting out of the house lifted my mood. But first I needed coffee, desperately.

I dragged my feet downstairs to the kitchen and made myself a quick breakfast, scrambled eggs on toast and coffee from the Keurig. Simple but enough to wake me up. While I ate, I doom scrolled on my phone, pausing every so often to read back over my messages with Matt. Still no reply.

I don't know why it frustrated me, I guess I just wanted answers. I rinsed my plate, set it in the dishwasher, and headed into the bathroom to get ready. It was nice to not feel rushed or that I was bothering Matt by taking my time in here. The hot water from the shower was just what I needed. I stayed under longer than usual, it was a small luxury, but I enjoyed it.

After finishing up and drying my hair, I walked back up to my room, pulling open my closet. My eyes immediately landed on the yellow Ralph Lauren jumper Nick had given me yesterday. I threw it on and paired it with my favorite jeans and white sneakers. I glanced at myself in the mirror, adjusting the jumper. It was slightly oversized but felt snug in all the right ways. I sprayed my perfume over myself to finish it all off.

“Perfect” I muttered to myself before grabbing my bag.

Nick opened his bedroom door, ready to go with an eager grin on his face. “Ready to spend some money?” he asked, holding Chris’ card up.

Nick ordered an uber and suggested we check in on Nate to see if he needed anything while we were out. I followed him down the stairs to Chris’ room. Nick gently knocked on the door before peeking inside. "Still out cold" he whispered, shaking his head with a small grin. I glanced past him and saw Nate sprawled across the bed, tangled in Chris’ blanket, looking completely unbothered by the world. 

"Kids on a two day hangover by the look of it, what did you do to him?" Nick laughed, closing the door quietly before turning to me with a shrug. 

"Don’t ask me, maybe he just can’t keep up like I can. Let’s just get him some snacks anyway, he’ll probably appreciate them when he finally wakes up."

The uber arrived an we hopped into the car, the Uber driver was really friendly and even let us have AUX. Nick seized the opportunity and started blasting one of his favorite playlists. The drive to the mall was filled with his off key singing while the driver laughed. It was impossible to be in a bad mood when Nick was like this, completely carefree and full of energy.

We arrived at the bustling mall, and I was instantly reminded of how much I loved and hated these places. The endless options were both exciting and overwhelming. Nick, of course, was in his element.

“Okay, first things first” he declared, clapping his hands together. “You need a suitcase. Like a good one, something sturdy.”

I followed him through the luggage section of a department store, pulling at the endless rows of suitcases in every size and color. I settled on a large suitcase in a turquoise shade. It was light but durable, with smooth wheels and plenty of compartments for organizing.

“This one feels very.. you” Nick said, wheeling it toward the register. “Now we just need to fill it"

Next, we headed to the clothing stores. The first thing to look for was swimwear. I sifted through racks of bikinis, one pieces, and cover ups while Nick hovered nearby, occasionally pulling something out and holding it up.

“This is cute” he said, holding a bright coral bikini against me.

“Too bright” I replied, shaking my head.

“You’re going to Hawaii! Bright is the point.”

We compromised on a mix of neutral and vibrant pieces, including a black one piece with a scoop back and a yellow bikini that Nick insisted matched the jumper he’d given me.

From there, we moved to outfits. Sundresses, flowy skirts, tank tops, and breathable shorts for getting in and out of the pool all made their way into my shopping bags. A wide brimmed sun hat and a pair of oversized sunglasses were also thrown into the mix.

“You’re going to look like you’re in a Vogue ad with those on” Nick teased as we passed the checkout.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves” I shot back, laughing.

The last thing on our list was footwear. I grabbed a pair of comfortable sandals and white sneakers that would pair well with most outfits. Nick talked me into buying a pair of wedge heels “just in case” I wanted to dress up a bit fancier for dinner.

With every bag we accumulated, the excitement for the trip grew. Nick carried most of them without complaint, weaving through the mall like a man on a mission, while I lugged the suitcase behind me.

“Shit” he said.  “We forgot toiletries. Let’s go.”

We loaded up on mini shampoo bottles, sunscreen, bug spray, and anything else that could fit into the clear bag at security. I also grabbed a neck pillow for the flight and a small blanket.

“I think we went a little overboard” I admitted, looking at everything we had.

“No such thing" Nick replied, starting the engine. “You’re going to Hawaii. You deserve to look and feel amazing! Now, shoes again” Nick declared.

“But I already got shoes” I protested.

“You don’t have these shoes” he said, dragging me into another store.

Before I knew it, I’d added a pair of espadrilles and waterproof slides to my collection. At this point, I was sure I had enough to outfit myself for a two month long trip, not just two weeks in Hawaii.

“Okay” Nick said, stretching dramatically. “I’m starving. Let’s get food.”

We headed to a nearby bistro that had outdoor seating. The warm sunshine paired with the scent baked goods was heavenly. I ordered a chicken and cheese sandwich, while Nick opted for a salad.

As we waited for our food, Nick checked his phone and grinned.

“Chris’s phone is dispatched” he said. “Should be here later today.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Finally. It’s been so weird not being able to get in touch with him directly.”

Nick nodded, taking a sip of his iced tea. “Yeah, I’d say Matt doesn't know what to do now that his phone actually gets messages.”

The mention of Matt and messages nearly makes me turn red.

“What time are they getting home today actually?” I asked, trying to sound casual.

Nick shrugged. “Sometime later tonight. They booked a nighttime flight.”

I nodded, trying not to read too much into it. The food arrived, and we dug in, enjoying the rare moment of quiet.

After finishing our meal, Nick glanced at the mountain of shopping bags we’d accumulated and let out an exaggerated sigh.

“There’s no way we’re fitting this all in a normal car.” he declared, rubbing his temples dramatically.

I laughed. “You’re the one who kept saying, ‘Oh, just get it! It’s perfect!’”

He rolled his eyes. “And I don’t regret it one bit, but let’s be real. We need reinforcements, or at least a bigger car.”

Nick pulled out his phone and started tapping away. A moment later, he said, “Uber XL. It’s the only way we’re fitting all of this and ourselves into one ride.”

I nodded in agreement, looking at the bags around us. There were at least three overflowing ones just from the boutique alone, plus the suitcase we’d bought earlier that took up a ridiculous amount of space.

“Good call” I said.

Within minutes, a shiny black mini van pulled up outside the bistro. The driver stepped out, taking one look at us and our bags, and raised an eyebrow.

“Shopping spree?” he asked with a grin.

“You could say that” Nick replied with a chuckle. 

The driver helped us load everything into the trunk, which, despite being spacious, was a tight fit. Once everything was secured, we hopped into the backseat, relieved to finally be off our feet.

As the car pulled away, Nick leaned back and sighed contentedly. “I’m never going shopping without an Uber XL again. This is the only way to do it.”

I laughed, leaning my head against the window as we cruised through the city. My thoughts drifted to Hawaii and all the outfits I’d packed for, the sunshine, the beaches. I felt a little buzz of excitement, like maybe this trip would be exactly what I needed.

We arrived home just near 3pm. Nick pushed the front door open with his hip, three shopping bags dangling from each hand, I followed closely behind, lugging the suitcase and two additional bags. The sheer weight of it all, especially the suitcase made me huff as I maneuvered it over the step into the house.

We paused just inside, catching our breath, when faint voices floated down from upstairs. My ears perked up, and I immediately recognized the voices. Chris and Matt.

Nick frowned, glancing back at me. “Are they.. here?”

“Surely not?” I replied, adjusting my grip on the suitcase. “You said their flight wasn’t supposed to land until later tonight.”

Nick shrugged, then headed up the stairs. I struggled to hoist the suitcase up the first few steps, the wheels knocking against the edges of each one.

“Could use some help here” I muttered, but Nick was already out of sight, more curious about the voices upstairs than my struggle.

By the time I reached the top, dragging the suitcase behind me, I could hear Nick questioning the guys.

“What the fuck are you two doing back so early?” he asked, standing in the hallway with a confused look.

Chris grinned, arms wide open as he stepped forward and dramatically pulled Nick into a bear hug. “What, I can’t miss my brother and come home early to see him?”

Nick groaned but didn’t pull away. “Chris you were gone for two whole days. Seriously though. What’s the deal? You weren’t supposed to land until later tonight.”

Matt leaned against the doorframe of his room, arms crossed and looking mildly amused. Chris finally released Nick and laughed.

“Man, we were so hungover yesterday that we couldn’t bear the thought of sitting around Vegas all day today waiting for a late flight. So, we booked an earlier one before we hit the strip last night” Chris explained.

Nick shook his head, muttering something about impulsiveness, before turning back toward me. “You hear that? Weak.”

I smirked, finally dropping the suitcase with a thud. Chris glanced over at me, his smile softening.

“Hey, Y/n” he greeted.

“Hey” I replied, brushing a strand of hair from my face and wondering why seeing him felt like a surprise.

As Chris glanced around, he ran a hand through his hair. "Yo, Nick, have you seen my business card? I swear I had it before we left for Vegas."

Nick smirked, clearly trying to rile him up. "I have it" he said casually, glancing at me standing there with my brand new suitcase and an absurd number of shopping bags.

Chris raised an eyebrow. "Well, can I have it back, genius?"

"Maybe" Nick teased, then pivoted. "Oh, by the way, your new phone should be here later today. You’re welcome."

I stood awkwardly at the top of the stairs, fully aware of Matt’s presence just a few feet away. He hadn’t said anything yet, but the tension was undeniable.

Finally Matt’s voice cut through the air, his tone sharper than necessary. "What’s with the suitcase? You finally moving out?"

I blinked, caught off guard by his comment. Before I could respond, Nick jumped in.

"It’s for Hawaii" Nick said as he leaned against the wall, crossing his arms casually.

Matt’s confusion was obvious, his brows furrowing deeply. "Hawaii? You already have a suitcase that size."

Nick shook his head, grinning like he was about to drop a bombshell. "It’s not for me, Einstein. It’s for Y/n."

Matt turned to me, his expression instantly hardening like he’d just been sucker punched. His eyes widened slightly, and for a moment, I swore he looked genuinely hurt.

Matt’s jaw tightened, and he looked like he wanted to argue but couldn’t find the words. His eyes flicked to me again, unreadable, before he straightened up and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Wow some trip this is going to be then." he muttered before disappearing into his room, the door closing behind him, quiet but firm.

The hallway felt colder, and I avoided Nick’s gaze, pretending to fiddle with one of the bags. Chris, oblivious as ever, clapped Nick on the shoulder.

"Alright, where’s my card?"

Nick laughed, shaking his head. "Not so fast, bro. You’re helping me unpack this stuff first."

As the two of them headed off upstairs, I stood there, staring at Matt’s closed door, feeling a wave of something I couldn’t quite name. Guilt? Frustration? Maybe a mix of both. But I quickly shook it off and grabbed the suitcase, dragging upstairs toward my room and telling myself not to overthink it. Once everything was up in my room, Nick dropped his load dramatically on the floor, letting out an exaggerated sigh.

"Alright, that’s my good deed for the day" Chris said, brushing his hands together like the work was done.

"You’ve been so helpful" I said sarcastically as I started sorting through the bags.

Chris smirked, leaning against the doorframe. "You going to pack tomorrow?"

Nick shook his head. "Nah, we’re starting to pack now. No point in waiting till tomorrow morning and rushing."

Chris raised an eyebrow, watching me open the suitcase and start placing clothes inside. "If only I was that organised" he laughed, walking further into the room. His eyes immediately went to the Fresh Love samples hung up by the closet.

He stepped closer, tilting his head to get a better look. "Woah" he said, running his fingers lightly over one of the pieces. "These look even better in person. The photos don’t do them justice."

I glanced over at him, feeling a bit of pride in his compliment. "Thanks. I really like them.”

Chris nodded, a grin spreading across his face. "I ordered some personalized samples for us all to be delivered to our villa in Hawaii. Thought we could take some pictures out there for a night time shoot, maybe use them for promos. I got us all varsity jackets with our initial on them, and then some other pieces I thought everyone would like."

Nick perked up at that, clearly impressed. "That’s such a good idea! Especially since it's cold at night" he said, nudging me with his elbow.

I smiled at both of them, my chest swelling a bit with pride. "I guess it wouldn’t hurt to get some shots out there" I admitted, picturing how amazing the pieces would look in a tropical setting.

Chris picked up one of the sample pieces, holding it out. "Yeah, these are gonna kill it. People are gonna go nuts over this drop."

I nodded, the excitement of everything bubbling under the surface. For the first time in a while, I felt like things were coming together, and the thought of getting to share it in such a beautiful setting made it even better.

Chris set the sample back on the rack and stretched, letting out a small yawn. "Alright, I’m gonna go check in with Nate" he said, glancing toward the stairs. "He was still knocked out when I peeked into his room earlier. Probably still recovering from your crazy night out."

Nick gave him a nod. "Yeah, sounds about right.”

Chris chuckled. "I’ll catch you guys in a bit." With that, he turned and headed out of the room, the sound of his footsteps fading as he made his way downstairs.

Nick, without missing a beat, grabbed his pile of shopping bags and suitcase and walked toward his own room, which was right next to mine. “I’m leaving the door open so we can pack together. This way, I can judge your packing skills and make sure you don’t leave anything important behind."

I rolled my eyes but laughed. "Oh, because you’re the authority on packing now?"

Nick grinned as he disappeared into his room, propping his door open so we could still talk. "Absolutely. I’m a seasoned traveler, unlike you. I’ve got the technique down to a science."

I could hear him rustling through his bags, muttering about how he might need to pick up another pair of shorts before we left. Meanwhile, I started folding my clothes neatly into the suitcase. 

Nick's voice carried over from his room as I heard the distinct sound of a zipper being tugged open. "Alright" he began, "Let’s see what we’ve got here. Swim trunks, check. I brought the neon ones this time.."

I laughed, picturing him strutting around in the loudest pair of swim trunks he could find. "You really need neon to stand out? Thought your personality did that already."

"Ha ha" he shot back. "No, but seriously, you’ll thank me when you’re trying to spot me in the ocean. Anyway.. tank tops. Got a few new ones, including that white one you said looked good. Oh, and my black button up for dinners. Can’t be showing up to a nice restaurant looking like I just rolled off the beach."

The sound of him rifling through bags grew louder. "Flip flops, sneakers, maybe I should bring those prada loafers.. what do you think?"

 "Definitely bring the loafers for dinners. You’ll regret not having them."

"Good call" he replied, tossing them into his suitcase. "Alright, what else? Oh, sunscreen, got the high SPF stuff this time. Learned my lesson after that beach trip last summer. And hats! Gotta protect this money maker " he added, gesturing dramatically at his face.

"You’re ridiculous" I said with a laugh.

"Ridiculously prepared" he corrected. 

I shook my head, smiling to myself as I continued to fold my clothes. "You sound like you’re moving away for good, not going on a vacation."

"Hey!" he called out, "you’re gonna thank me when you’re borrowing my stuff because you forgot something."

"Bold of you to assume I’d forget anything" I shot back, neatly placing my toiletries into my bag.

Nick peeked his head into the hallway. "Care to make a bet on that?"

I smirked. "We’ll see."

I glance around Nick’s room one last time, making sure he isn’t about to burst out again with some last minute comment, but all I hear is the sound of him collapsing onto his bed. “Alright, I’m taking a nap. All that shopping has me worn out” 

I laugh at how dramatic he was, and closed over his bedroom door to let him sleep. I zipped up my suitcase and placed it in the corner of my room.

Now in silence, I sit on the edge of my bed. The small envelope from the flowers catching my attention, sitting on my bedside locker. It feels like it’s mocking me, just sitting there like some unsolved mystery. My fingers twitch as I pick it up, turning it over in my hands. Why does something so small have such a big hold over me? I hate how awkward everything feels now again, how one card and a few unread messages can mess with my head so much.

But I can’t go to Hawaii like this. I’m actually excited for the trip, and I’ll be damned if Matt is going to ruin it for me with this unresolved weirdness.

Acting on impulse, I shove the card back into the envelope and stand up. My heart’s pounding as my legs move before my brain fully catches up. Next thing I know, I’m marching down the stairs, the envelope clutched tightly in my hand like a lifeline.

The closer I get to Matt’s door, the louder the rush of blood in my ears becomes. The house feels strangely quiet, the kind of stillness that makes you hyper aware of every movement. I stop just outside his room, hesitating for a second. Maybe I should think this through, figure out what I’m even going to say. But before I can overthink it, my hand is already on the door handle.

I push the door open without knocking, stepping inside before I can change my mind. Matt’s sitting on his bed, scrolling through his phone. He looks up, startled, as the door swings open.

“Uh, hello?” he says, raising an eyebrow. “Ever heard of knocking?”

I ignore him, taking a step closer. “We need to talk.”

“About what?” he says, crossing his arms. “That you’re stealing Chris’ money and my clothes now?” He says, pointing at the yellow jumper I have on me.

Fuck this is his jumper.

No wonder the scent was familiar.

I take a deep breath, trying to not show how awkward I felt.

"About this. And about whatever game you think you’re playing." I say, holding up the envelope.

a/n: i <3 cliffhangers

taglist : @mattybearnard @sturn-33 @ncm9696 @yourfavsturniologirl @crazy4jewel @sodakid1234 @stupendoustreewinner @lovealwayssturniolos @matthewsturniolosss @m4ttsmunch @loveexxx @ilusa @starkeyszn @wonnieeluvvr @dylnblue @valxrieq @maggot3647 @cigarettecemetary @ribread03 @chrisstvrns @bandasaruswrx @noplaceissafeanymore @amexiass @witchofthehour @mattssgf @jetaimevous @v33angel  @ivysturnss @urmom69lol @ashlishes @watercolorskyy @sturnioloshottiekay @amelia-sturniolo3 @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut @pvssychicken @alizestvrnss @chrisstxrnsaxe @sophand4n4 @vickytaa @marrykisskilled @bxtchboy69 @yourfavsturniologirl @julisturn @sydneyylainn @sophia-77n @trevorsgodmother @sturnslutz @yourmother29 @girl24cherry @astronea @pinkdyit

[growth-opportunities]

A girl becomes addicted to her breasts getting bigger, and her second puberty aides her in becoming ginormous (talking hyper-sized, if possible - as big as you desire)

I genuinely don't understand how every girl doesn't get addicted to the feeling of their breasts growing. I was pretty much hooked the morning I outgrew my first bra. There was something... empowering about it. I don't know if I can fully describe it. The actual bra was uncomfortable, sure, but knowing that I was too big for it, subtle bulges around the edges... god. It was the first time in my entire life that I felt sexy. I was literally too sexy for my clothes and, fuck, it felt amazing. That was when I first started fantasizing about being properly huge, waiting until my parents went to bed and awkwardly searching the internet for "what happens when bigger than Z cup". But, as much as I wanted it, genetics had other plans.

It should have been a little bit obvious, in hindsight, but greed had blinded my young eyes. As I learned while snooping through the laundry, my older sister stopped growing at a C. My mom wore D-cup bras, but I'm pretty sure that was mostly from having kids and, while I was willing to do a lot for bigger tits, that seemed a little extreme. I was never going to huge like I had imagined, like I had dreamed, like I had prayed. My growth pretty much petered out at a large B/small C depending on the brand. That was all that genetics had deigned to give me and I can't pretend that I wasn't disappointed. No matter how many of my friends reassured me that I was "the perfect size" and they "fit my frame", that wasn't what I wanted. I wanted big. I wanted huge. I wanted the kind of tits that would make even the most hardened of hentai-consuming perverts (a crowd that I quickly found myself part of) wonder if it wasn't a little much.

But I wasn't about to take it lying down.

I got a job at a cafe to "save money for college", but every last penny I had went to buying supplements online. The unruly guests, making my cheeks hurt with forced smiles, doing everything I could to maintain my customer service voice, all of it was worth it in pursuit of a singular goal. Creams and lotions, pills and supplements, anything that even remotely promised growth was hastily ordered in lust-fueled hazes late at night. Shady sites stole my credit card info, like, three times and I was almost positive most were sugar pills or snake oil, but the joke about a man actually inventing penis-enlarging pills and having no way to market it stuck in my brain. If there was one breast growth supplement out there that was 100% legit then by god I was going to find it.

And, despite the incredible odds, it did work! To an extent. I managed to push my tits to a very swollen DD. Constantly massaging my breasts, kneading various lotions into my skin made them incredibly sensitive. If I hadn't already been obsessed with my tits, that level of sensitivity would have made it so. I could feel them bouncing and sloshing in my bras constantly. As much as I hated them, bras were a must. I didn't care about the 'modesty' or whatever, but feeling my shirt casually rub against my nipples all fucking day drove me insane. There were days where I didn't leave me room, just played with my tits until I came over and over again. Eventually, I'd stagger out at some point in the evening to rehydrate before crawling back into my cave, teasing my nipples and fantasizing about being double, triple, orders of magnitude bigger. I tried my best to come to terms with the fact that this is probably as busty as I'd ever be. Until, one morning, it wasn't.

I can still remember waking up and feeling that weight on my chest. As many times as I had dreamed about it, I didn't know what it was like until I finally felt it, that kind of heft on my chest. My jaw dropped open when I pulled back the covers and saw what had become of my tits. They doubled in size. Overnight. They literally looked inflated, almost unnaturally round, my skin red and covered in a web of veins. The sensitivity was mind-blowing. I could feel the air moving over my skin and it was just... woof. Between the size and the sensitivity, I had to get myself off immediately. Twice. Usually post-nut clarity had never hit me too hard previously, mostly just disappointment at my impossible fantasies, but that day it hit me like a freight train. Something wasn't right.

A few doctor's visits and some blood work later and I had an answer. I never admitted to taking the supplements, though my doctor was skeptical; he had never seen anything like this in someone whose thyroid wasn't full of holes. It turns out that, while the pills didn't really do much, all of the hormones that were in them were just sort of sitting in my system. If I had only taken one or two, they would have been flushed out pretty easily. But I was taking more than a dozen different pills. I was unknowingly adding more and more kindling to the pyre, adding in the hormonal equivalent of gasoline and thermite, just waiting until it reached critical mass and self-ignited. It was enough to trigger what was essentially a second puberty, my body starting to flood with self-made hormones outside of the supplements, but thanks to the variety of topical creams and lotions, it would be contained almost entirely in my breasts.

I was fairly silent on the car ride home, though I did whimper a bit when we hit a pothole. I trudged up to my room, carefully disrobed myself. My eyes were glued to the mirror, unable to take my eyes off of myself. Titflesh overflowed my palms, bulged out between my fingers, there was just so much of it. I could barely come to terms with the fact that all that was me. That thought alone nearly made me cum. The rest of the day was a lust-fueled frenzy. My pussy was largely neglected, focused entirely on my tits to get myself off over and over and over again. It felt incredible. The reality would come later, but I was too busy cumming then.

Unlike my first go 'round, which was painfully slow, my second puberty wasted no time. I was putting on at least an inch of bust every day. Sometimes, if I sat very still and held my breath, I swear I could watch them swelling in front of my eyes. Within a week, they were big enough to reach my bellybutton and, a week after that, they were almost at my hips. I was eating like a glutton, but I had to; my growing udders were taking up every calorie I put into my body. At some point, I started staying in my room not just because I was spending every hour of the day masturbating but because I had outgrown not just all of my clothes, but even our beach towels weren't bit enough to cover my tits. I could feel, every day, as the weight pulled heavier on my shoulders, nearly dragging me off my feet as they slid off my lap. I could feel my mobility slipping away, which would have been more frightening if it wasn't so arousing.

So anyway, that about brings things to now! My breasts are still technically growing, though at this size, it's kind of hard to notice an extra inch or two. I haven't officially measured these things in ages, so I can only guess that I'd have gone around the alphabet a few dozen times by now. I'm big enough that each, individual tit is big enough for me to use as a bed with room left over. Reaching my nipples is a workout, having to gather up so much titflesh in my hands and arms to get to them, though I rarely make it all the way there. I tend to get a little 'distracted'. The irony is that, after all this time, finally experiencing what it's like to be big has actually cooled me a little bit on the enormous fantasies. I mean, I'm already living the dream! Outside of just "bigger", there wasn't much left to explore on that avenue.

I have been taking a recent interest in lactation, though...

[killerplink]

HOME

Pairing: Dick Grayson x Female Reader

Words: 5,7k

A/N: This one's for the bestie who suggested a part two for the previous chapter. I absolutely loved writing it, and I hope you guys enjoy it just as much! Thank you for all the love on "Fractured" and for wanting to see more of this story. Writing this soft, protective, doting Dick Grayson was everything, and I hope it gives you all the warm, snuggly feels. Let me know what you think, besties 🥹

Previous chapter here

You're in the hospital bed, waiting to hear if today's the day you finally get to go home. The hospital is top tier—private room, plush bedding, the best care money can buy—courtesy of Bruce, obviously.

But no matter how nice it is, you just want out. You want your bed, your things, and more than anything, you want to be wrapped up in Dick's arms.

And speaking of Dick—he's been here every day, every minute, like he doesn't trust anyone else to take care of you properly. He's brought you food when you didn't like the hospital meals, kept you entertained when you were bored, and basically hasn't let go of your hand since you came out of surgery. Even when you sleep, you wake up to find him still there, sometimes stretched out uncomfortably in the chair, sometimes curled up beside you on the edge of the bed when the nurses aren't looking.

He's been so patient, so sweet, but you can tell he's been on edge this whole time. Watching you closely, waiting for any sign of pain, tensing every time a nurse comes in like he's expecting bad news.

It's not just protective, he genuinely hates seeing you hurt. And while he trusts the doctors, he won't be able to really relax until you're home, safe, and finally snuggled up with him like he promised.

Dick barely has time to register the way you shift before you're whining, your voice soft and just a little bit dramatic as you shift against the pillows.

"Baby... when is the nurse coming? I wanna go home."

Your bottom lip juts out ever so slightly, your brows furrowing like you're personally offended by the wait. And honestly? You are. You've been waiting since seven in the morning, and it's now two in the afternoon.

That's seven hours of staring at the same white walls, listening to the beeping of machines you're sick of, stuck in this stupid hospital bed while the promise of going home keeps dangling just out of reach.

Dick, who has been watching you with the softest eyes this whole time, leans in without hesitation, pressing a gentle kiss to the tip of your nose.

"I know, my love," he murmurs against your skin. "She'll be here soon, I'm sure."

You huff, flopping back against the pillows, arms crossing over your chest. "She better be, or I'm gonna start walking out myself."

He chuckles, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. "Baby, you literally just got permission to start walking yesterday without me hovering over you like a lunatic."

Your pout deepens. "Well, maybe I wouldn't be so antsy if they didn't make me wait all day for an answer."

His hand finds yours, fingers tracing absentminded circles against your palm. "I know," he soothes. "But we wanna make sure you're really good to go, right? No setbacks, no unnecessary risks."

You groan, head lolling to the side as you stare at him. "I just wanna be in our bed, in your arms, eating something that isn't hospital food."

Dick laughs, squeezing your hand. "You'll get all of that soon, I promise."

And thankfully, finally, he's right. After what feels like another eternity—but is really just half an hour—there's a soft knock at the door before it swings open, revealing your nurse, a kind faced woman in scrubs who steps in with an apologetic smile.

"I'm so sorry for the wait," she says immediately. "We had some unexpected delays with the discharge paperwork, but I come bearing good news. You're officially cleared to go home."

Your entire face lights up, and the relief in your voice is palpable when you gasp, "Oh my God, finally!"

Dick, ever patient, rubs his thumb over the back of your hand, smiling at the way you practically vibrate with excitement.

The nurse chuckles. "I know you've been waiting all day, so let's go over everything quickly so we can get you out of here, yeah?"

You nod enthusiastically, and she flips through her tablet, getting straight to business.

"Alright, so, first things first. You need to keep an eye on your stitches. The incision looks great right now, but we don't want any infection, so you'll need to keep the area clean and dry. No soaking in the bath for at least two weeks. Showers only, and be gentle when washing around it."

You nod, taking it all in, but Dick is already a step ahead, reaching for his phone to set a reminder. He's been memorizing every instruction since day one, because if you forget even one thing, he won't.

"On pain management, you've got your prescription, but if you don't need the heavy stuff, regular over the counter painkillers should work just fine. Just don't overdo it, and if the pain gets worse instead of better, call your doctor immediately."

"Got it," you mumble, already reaching for Dick's hand again, and he laces his fingers through yours instinctively.

"No heavy lifting, no strenuous activity, and I know you'll feel better soon, but that doesn't mean you should rush things. Your body still needs time to heal. And if anything feels off—pain, dizziness, fever, anything—I want you to call us, okay?"

"Okay," you promise, feeling a little overwhelmed but so ready to leave that you'd agree to just about anything.

The nurse gives you a warm smile. "And last but not least, take it easy on yourself. Healing takes time, and there's no rush to bounce back overnight."

Dick hums in agreement, giving your hand a gentle squeeze. "Don't worry," he assures her. "I'm not letting her lift a finger for anything."

And honestly? You believe him.

With all the instructions laid out, the nurse makes her final notes before grinning at you. "Alright, looks like you're all set. You get dressed, and I'll go grab your final discharge papers. I'll be back in just a bit."

And with that, she's gone, leaving you alone with Dick, who is already helping you sit up, hands careful, movements gentle.

"You hear that, sweet girl?" he murmurs, pressing a kiss to your temple. "We're going home."

And God, it feels so good to hear that.

The hospital might've been top tier, but nothing—nothing—compares to being out.

It's been a full hour since the nurse gave you the green light, and now, finally, you're in the elevator, tucked firmly into Dick's side as you descend toward the exit. The elevator is packed, people standing shoulder to shoulder, and the last thing you need right now is someone bumping into your healing wound.

Dick knows it too. That's why his arm is wrapped securely around your waist, holding you close, a silent promise to keep you safe from any accidental elbows or shifting bodies.

He leans down slightly, murmuring against your hair, "Almost there, baby."

You hum in response, breathing in the familiar scent of him, grounding yourself in the warmth of his touch. And then, finally, the doors slide open, and the fresh air hits you the second you step outside.

You didn't realize how stuffy the hospital had felt until now, but God, you breathe so much easier out here, like the past few days had been pressing down on your lungs, and only now are they able to fully expand.

What you don't expect, though, is the sight waiting for you just past the curb: Alfred.

Standing prim and proper beside a sleek black car, the older man is already moving, one hand reaching for the door handle, the other resting neatly behind his back.

"Miss," he greets, his lips curving ever so slightly as he looks you over. "It is good to see you up and about. I trust you are feeling better?"

You blink, momentarily stunned, before offering him a sheepish smile. "Uh, yeah. Thank you, Alfred. But..." Your head tilts slightly as your brows furrow. "Why are you here?"

Dick chuckles softly beside you, clearly having expected this reaction. Alfred's expression doesn't change, though there's a small glint of amusement in his eyes.

"Master Bruce wanted to ensure you made it home safely."

Your eyes flicker to Dick before darting back to Alfred, your brows shooting up in mild disbelief. "Really? Damn, didn't know Bats was this concerned."

Alfred lets out a knowing sigh, his voice as even as ever. "Ah, yes. You will never hear him say it, but he was rather... stressed."

You huff out a laugh, the idea of Bruce pacing his cave, brooding even more than usual, just because of you being in the hospital, making you grin.

"That's kinda sweet," you admit, stepping forward carefully as Dick moves to help you into the car.

Alfred's lips twitch slightly, like he wants to say something more, but instead, he simply dips his head. "Do try not to make a habit of this, miss. Gotham's hospitals are good, but not that good."

You snort, settling into the seat as Dick slides in beside you, his arm immediately wrapping around you, guiding your body into his.

"No promises," you joke, leaning against him as he presses a kiss to your temple.

The car pulls away smoothly, and you can't help but relax into the ride, the world passing by in a soft blur of familiar Gotham streets. It's a little cloudy, the sky a dull gray, but there's something so comforting about it, something that feels like home.

Dick's fingers trace light patterns against your arm, his warmth seeping into you, grounding you in a way that makes your chest ache. You close your eyes for a moment, just listening to the hum of the car, the steady rhythm of his breathing.

God, you missed this. You miss the comfort of your shared apartment, the familiarity of your bed, the quiet intimacy of just being with Dick without the sterile, impersonal walls of a hospital around you.

"Almost home, baby," he murmurs against your hair, his voice a quiet promise.

And you can't wait. The moment your building comes into view, you're practically buzzing, fingers twitching against your thighs as you fight the urge to bounce in your seat.

Dick notices, of course. His lips quirk, his hand finding your knee, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Excited, sweet girl?"

You nod, not even trying to hide it. "You have no idea. I just wanna be home, in my pajamas, in our bed, with you."

His smile softens at that, and before he can say anything, Alfred smoothly pulls the car to a stop in front of your building.

"Here we are," he announces, shifting into park before turning to face you.

The second he steps out, you move to follow, only for Dick to beat you to it, already out of the car and rounding the front to your side. But before he can get there, Alfred is already opening your door, standing with that ever composed expression of his.

"Thank you for driving, Alfred," you say earnestly, flashing him a grateful smile.

He nods, ever polite. "It was my pleasure. I—"

He doesn't get to finish because before you even think twice about it, you're leaning in, wrapping your arms around him in a tight hug. You feel the moment it surprises him—his body tensing slightly, his breath catching—but after only a second, he's hugging you back, firm and steady.

"Take it easy, miss," he murmurs, his voice a little softer than usual. "And do try not to get into any more trouble."

You snort, pulling back to grin up at him. "No promises."

He lets out a long suffering sigh, though there's a flicker of fond amusement in his gaze as he steps back. Dick chuckles beside you, reaching for your bag in one hand before slipping his fingers through yours with the other.

"C'mon, baby. Let's get you upstairs."

The walk up is slow. It's frustrating because honestly, you just want to move, want to get inside and collapse into your own space, but your body still isn't fully back to normal yet.

Dick knows this. That's why he stays right beside you, keeping his pace even, his grip firm but gentle as he helps you up the steps.

"I hate this," you grumble under your breath, pushing through the dull ache in your side.

He huffs a laugh, squeezing your fingers. "I know, my love. But you're doing great. Almost there."

You sigh, leaning into him slightly as you push forward, and sure enough, before long, you're standing in front of your door.

Home. Finally. With a deep breath, you unlock the door, pushing it open, and freeze.

The air is different the moment you step inside. Not because something's wrong, but because something is... off. It takes you a second to process, but when you do—

Holy shit.

First of all, the entire apartment is spotless. Not that you're a messy person, but let's be real, you were in a rush the night you got stabbed. There were definitely dishes in the sink, a pile of unfolded laundry somewhere, a few things out of place.

But now? It's pristine. Everything is neatly arranged, the air crisp and clean, like someone went through every single room with a fine tooth comb. And then there are the flowers. So. Many. Flowers.

Bouquets upon bouquets of them, filling every available surface with splashes of soft pinks, vibrant reds, delicate whites. Your mouth parts slightly as your gaze sweeps over them, taking in the sheer amount of stuff surrounding you.

There are gift baskets—luxurious ones, filled with high end chocolates, fruit, bath products. There are wrapped boxes, little notes attached to some of them. It looks like a goddamn florist's shop exploded in your living room.

"Baby..." you breathe, turning wide eyes to Dick. "What is all this?"

He rubs the back of his neck, looking mildly sheepish. "Well... let's just say the Batfam was a bit... worried about you."

You blink. "This is more than a bit worried, Dick."

He chuckles, pulling you closer. "Yeah, well. They've been crazy busy, so they couldn't visit, but they wanted to make sure you knew they were thinking about you."

Your heart clenches. You step forward, running your fingers over the petals of one of the bouquets, overwhelmed in the best way.

"They really did all this for me?" you murmur, glancing back at him.

Dick smiles, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. "Of course they did, baby. You're family."

And just like that, you feel like you might cry. But not now. Right now, all you want is to finally settle in.

You turn to him, eyes still a little wide from the overwhelming display of affection filling your apartment, but when you look at Dick—all steady warmth and love, watching you like you mean the world to him—something inside you softens.

Slowly, you push up onto the tips of your toes, fingers curling into the front of his shirt as you lean in. He meets you halfway, his hands settling on your waist as your lips press together in a kiss so sweet it makes your chest ache.

His lips part for you just enough, letting your tongue slide against his in a slow, gentle glide, the warmth of it sending a shiver down your spine. He tastes familiar, like mint and something inherently him, and when he deepens it just a little, just enough to make your breath hitch, you let out the softest whimper. That's what makes him pull back.

His thumb swipes across your cheek as he exhales, shaking his head with a fond smile. "Okay, that's enough for today."

You giggle, still a little breathless. "I'm fine."

He levels you with a look. "No, you're not. Don't downplay this." His fingers trace gently along your jaw, tilting your face up so you have no choice but to meet his gaze. "It's not a scratch, sweet girl."

You pout, lips puckering. "Baby, I'm okay."

He huffs. "We'll see about that."

Before you can argue, he asks, "Are you hungry?"

You nod. "Yeah, but.... I really wanna take a shower and change first."

He smiles, already taking your hand. "Okay. C'mon."

You barely get a step inside the bathroom before he's kneeling at your feet, hands already reaching for your sneakers.

"Dick, seriously, I'm—"

"Don't be stubborn and let me help," he interrupts, voice firm but so gentle.

Your mouth snaps shut because yeah, you knew this was coming. You knew he'd be extra protective, hovering over you like you might fall apart at any second. And honestly? You'd be lying if you said it didn't do something to you—seeing him like this, so serious, so sweet. So instead of fighting him on it, you nod.

"Good girl," he murmurs, slipping your sneakers off with care.

You whine instantly. "Baby, you can't say stuff like that. You know it makes me horny."

His chuckle is deep, amused, as he gets up, pressing a kiss to your forehead. "We'll have plenty of time for that. When you're feeling better, I promise."

You sulk, but he just grins, guiding you toward the shower before turning on the water, making sure it's warm but not scalding. And before you can even move to start undressing, he tsks.

"I've got it," he says, reaching for the hem of your top.

He's so careful, peeling the fabric up inch by inch, making sure it doesn't tug too much against your wound. His touch is reverent, like you're made of something delicate, something precious.

Once your top is off, he makes quick work of the rest, helping you step out of your bottoms, sliding your underwear down your thighs with a level of patience that makes your stomach tighten.

He guides you into the shower, waiting until you're under the warm spray before the rustling of fabric behind you makes you freeze.

"Dick—"

And then he's stepping in behind you. Completely naked. Completely hot.

You groan. "Dick!"

He blinks, feigning innocence. "What?"

You glare at him over your shoulder. "You're naked."

"We're in the shower, baby," he says, biting back a grin. "That's kinda the point."

You huff, muttering under your breath. "Just standing there, all hot, and I can't even do anything about it—"

His arms wrap around you from behind, pulling you gently against his chest, his lips finding your shoulder in a slow, deliberate kiss.

"You don't have to do anything, baby," he murmurs, pressing another kiss to the side of your neck. "Just let me take care of you."

And then he's turning you to face him and he's kissing you again—slow, lazy, deep, and it only makes you burn. Because fuck, you want him so bad. But right now, all you can do is let him spoil you.

He takes his time with you, washing you with a care so tender it makes your heart swell. His hands glide over your skin, careful and reverent, smoothing soap over your shoulders, your arms, your back. And between every few motions, he kisses you—soft pecks to your shoulder, a lingering press to your cheek, the tip of your nose, your forehead.

By the time he reaches for the loofah to lather up your front, your stomach tightens, breath hitching at the way his hands skim over your waist, over the swell of your hips, dipping down between your thighs just long enough to make you shiver.

"You're killing me, baby," you mutter, voice low.

He grins, tilting your chin up to meet his lips in a slow, teasing kiss. "Not my fault you're so cute."

He finishes washing you with practiced ease, rinsing away the soap, making sure not a single sud lingers. And then, while you lean back against the warm spray, letting the water soothe your tired body, he quickly gets to washing himself.

Or at least, he tries. Because you don't miss the way he angles himself away from you, his movements a little stiff, a little too focused.

You smirk. "Baby."

He stills. "Yeah?"

You reach forward, trailing a single finger down his spine before wrapping your arms around his waist from behind, pressing yourself flush against him. "You hard?"

His laugh is sheepish, breathy. "I—"

Your hands dip lower, teasing over the firm cut of his abs, feeling the way his muscles twitch beneath your touch.

"Baby," he groans, shifting on his feet. "Not fair."

You giggle against his back, pressing a kiss between his shoulder blades. "You really couldn't keep it down?"

He sighs, turning in your hold, wrapping his arms around you again. "Can you blame me? My girl is hot, what can I say?"

You beam, pressing a quick kiss to his lips before he gently turns you back toward the spray, rinsing you off one last time.

When you step out of the shower, the air is thick with steam, the scent of the body wash still clinging to your skin. Before you can reach for a towel, he's already got one in his hands, wrapping it around you and gently rubbing you down, taking care not to be too rough over your wound.

"Dick," you sigh, even as you let him.

"Shhh," he murmurs, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

He moves slow, drying you off completely before reaching for one of his t-shirts, slipping it over your head with careful hands. Then, he helps you into a fresh pair of panties and your softest sweatpants, tugging them up your legs before pressing a kiss to your stomach, just above the waistband.

You let out a tiny whimper at that, but before you can act on it, he's already pulling on a pair of boxers and sweatpants himself, taking your hand and guiding you back to the living room.

Outside, Gotham is drenched. Rain patters steadily against the windows, the city skyline blurred with mist. Most people hate this kind of weather—the endless drizzle, the way the sky never really clears—but you love it. The sound of it, the smell of it, the way it makes everything feel a little softer.

Dick gets you settled on the couch, easing you down before draping that ridiculous cow print fluffy blanket you love over you. You sigh happily, snuggling into the warmth.

He grins, brushing a few damp strands of hair from your face. "What do you wanna eat, baby?"

You hum, considering. "I don't know. Something comforting. Something good."

He watches you, waiting, and then, you both say it at the same time.

"Tacos!"

His grin widens. "On it, my love. Anything else?"

You pause, then nod. "Some tea, but I can—"

Before you can even move, he presses a firm hand to your shoulder, pinning you to the couch. "I've got it. No need to move around so much."

You pretend to huff, arms crossed. "You're so bossy."

His brows lift, a teasing glint in his eyes. "You like it."

You try to glare, but then he tickles your side, and you break—giggling, swatting at his hands until you're breathless.

He kisses you, quick and playful, before standing. "I'll order the tacos and get your tea, okay?"

You nod, still smiling as you watch him go, warmth pooling in your chest. The rest of the afternoon passes in a warm, easy blur.

The tacos arrive, and you don't even try to pretend you're not excited, sitting cross legged on the couch with your plate balanced on your lap, sipping on your tea between bites. Dick sits beside you, his own plate in hand, watching you with that familiar, soft look in his eyes.

"Good?" he asks, grinning when you let out a tiny moan of satisfaction.

"So good," you say, licking a bit of sauce from your thumb before reaching for another bite.

You eat together, wrapped up in the comfort of each other's company, the rain still falling steadily outside. And when you're done, Dick doesn't even let you lift a finger, gathering up your plates and setting them aside before you can protest.

After that, you start unpacking some of the gifts, curiosity getting the best of you. The sheer amount of them is honestly kind of overwhelming, but in the best way possible.

"I still can't believe they sent all this," you murmur, eyeing the bouquets, the neat stacks of wrapped packages.

Dick hums, handing you a small box first. "Well, you did nearly die on them. They worry."

You snort but take the gift, unwrapping it carefully. The tag reads From Damian, and when you pull out what's inside, your heart melts.

It's a book—a first edition of one of your favorite novels, the pages edged in gold, the cover smooth beneath your fingertips.

"Oh my God," you whisper, running your hands over it.

"Kid went all out," Dick notes, eyes twinkling.

You smile, already making a mental note to hug the hell out of Damian the next time you see him. Next is Tim's gift, which makes you laugh the second you unwrap it, because of course he sent you a ridiculously expensive, state-of-the-art, all in one smart mug that keeps your drinks warm at all times.

"He's so practical," you giggle, holding it up.

Dick chuckles. "Yeah, and now you'll never complain about your tea getting cold again."

Barbara's gift is a weighted blanket—deep blue, soft as hell, and heavier than you expected.

"Ohhh," you sigh happily, pressing it to your face before draping it over your lap.

The weight settles over you instantly, grounding, comforting in a way that makes your shoulders relax.

Dick chuckles beside you. "Babs knows you too well."

"She really does," you murmur, already imagining how good it'll feel to curl up under it later.

Cassandra's gift is a gorgeous silk robe, the fabric light as air, with delicate embroidery lining the edges—cherry blossoms stitched in soft pink and white. It's the kind of thing that makes you feel effortlessly elegant just by touching it.

You hold it up, eyes wide. "Oh my God, this is so pretty."

Dick hums, running his fingers over the silk. "Yeah, you're never taking this off, are you?"

You grin. "Not a chance."

Stephanie? A basket filled with every single one of your favorite snacks, plus a personalized playlist on a tiny USB drive labeled To keep you entertained while you heal. Love you, bitch!

Wally's gift is a custom comic book featuring you and Dick as superheroes. The comic is hilarious, with Wally's signature sense of humor, showing you both getting into ridiculous situations, like trying to save Gotham while barely avoiding getting caught in superhero mishaps. There's a note inside:

Figured you'd need something to distract you when you're laying in bed, recovering. Plus, thought you'd enjoy seeing Dick and you kick butt. Don't try to get any ideas from the comic though...

You hold up the comic, eyebrows raised, a grin tugging at the corners of your lips. "Look at this," you laugh, flipping through the pages. "Wally really went all out. I can't believe he turned us into superheroes."

He glances over your shoulder, shaking his head in amusement as he looks at the comic. "Oh, you better believe it. That man has no filter. But I gotta admit, it's pretty impressive. His art's getting better."

You point to one of the panels, where the two of you are depicted mid fight, surrounded by goons. You're holding a ridiculous oversized hammer, and Dick is dramatically flipping through the air, all muscles and heroism.

"I look like I could take down a building," you joke, smirking.

Dick chuckles, nudging you with his shoulder. "Well, that's a fitting look for you, don't you think?" He reaches over to flip through a few pages, stopping at a particularly funny moment where you're both getting tangled up in a huge net. "Seems like Wally gave us the perfect fight scene... I'd say it's accurate."

You snicker, leaning into him, and shake your head. "I swear, he's gonna be the death of me with his antics," you pause, flipping through more pages. "But this? This is actually really sweet of him."

He wraps an arm around you, pressing a soft kiss to your temple. "He cares. And you mean a lot to him, even if he's terrible at showing it."

You grin, leaning up to kiss him on the cheek, the comic still clutched in your hands. "I think it's one of the best gifts I've ever received."

Dick pulls you closer, resting his chin on your head. "I'm not sure about that, but I'm glad you like it. I think you're his superhero too."

You both sit there for a moment, flipping through the comic, as if the world outside doesn't exist—just you, Dick, and your silly superhero alter egos, surrounded by love and laughter. As you smile, still holding the comic, you start to unwrap the next one.

Jason's gift surprises you the most—it's a hoodie. One of his own, worn in and warm, clearly something he's had for years, the fabric soft from countless washes. A little note is stuck to the front.

I figured you'd like something comfortable, since you keep stealing my hoodies when you come over. Don't get blood on it this time, dumbass.

You grin, holding it to your chest. "Jason, you soft bastard," you murmur.

Dick just shakes his head fondly. And then there's Bruce's gift. Of course, Bruce sent something insane—a fully paid vacation for whenever you feel up to it, a little envelope containing a sleek black card with your name on it.

Your jaw drops. "What the—"

He leans over to read the note inside. "Take some time off when you're ready. Everything's taken care of."

You stare. "Bruce is out of his damn mind," you whisper.

Dick just smirks. "Yeah, but you should probably accept it before he changes his mind."

You shake your head, placing the envelope aside before sighing, reaching for him instinctively.

"Come here," you murmur.

He doesn't hesitate, shifting closer, letting you burrow into his warmth. You sigh against him, fully relaxed for the first time in days, his arm curling around your shoulders as you tuck your head beneath his chin.

For a while, you just exist like that, wrapped up in each other, the TV playing some random movie in the background. He presses soft kisses to the top of your head, his fingers tracing lazy patterns down your arm.

You tilt your head up slightly, pressing a kiss to his jaw. He turns, catching your lips in a slow, sweet kiss, his fingers tilting your chin up to deepen it just a little. When you part, he rests his forehead against yours, his breath warm against your lips.

"Comfy?" he murmurs.

You nod, eyes fluttering shut. "Mmhmm. Love you, baby."

He squeezes you tighter, his voice soft as he whispers, "Love you too, pretty girl."

Dinner is another lazy, indulgent affair. Neither of you has the heart—or the will—to let go of each other long enough to cook, so Dick orders sushi, making sure to get all your favorites, plus mochi and bubble tea, because he knows exactly how to spoil you.

You eat curled up together on the couch, still wrapped in that fluffy cow print blanket, sharing bites between quiet laughter. He feeds you pieces of sushi with his chopsticks, smirking when you moan at the taste, and you return the favor, pressing a sweet kiss to the corner of his mouth after slipping a piece between his lips.

The past few days—full of pain, fear, and far too many sleepless nights—fade into the background, replaced by this warmth, this steady, endless love between you.

It's late when you finally pass out against him, somewhere between half watching a movie and listening to the rain.

Dick had felt your body go lax first, then the soft, slow rhythm of your breathing, your cheek squished against his chest, warm and safe in his arms.

He doesn't have the heart to wake you.

Instead, he moves carefully, shifting just enough to slip one arm under your legs and the other beneath your back, lifting you with all the gentleness in the world. You don't even stir, still snoring softly against him, your arms instinctively curling toward his chest.

He carries you to bed like you're something fragile, something precious, setting you down with deliberate care. His fingers brush over your hairline as he tucks the blankets around you, watching the way you sigh in your sleep, your lips parting slightly as you settle into the warmth of the bed.

He slips in beside you, and immediately, you find him in your sleep, curling toward him, seeking out his warmth. It knocks the air from his lungs. Because God, he loves you.

He's loved before, he's cared before, but never like this. Never in a way that shakes him down to his bones, never in a way that makes the mere thought of losing you feel unbearable.

And for a brief, gut wrenching moment, he lets himself go there. Because he almost did. He almost lost you.

He thinks about how worried everyone had been, even Jason and Damian, who don't usually give a fuck about just anyone. They have sisters, sure. But you? You're different.

You're the one who gets away with shit no one else does. The one who drags a grumbling Damian into a hug and makes Jason tolerate sappy pet names. And they'd burn Gotham to the ground before they let this happen again.

Bruce had no luck finding the bastard who stabbed you. But Jason did.

Dick doesn't even have to ask. He just knows. Knows Jason didn't waste a second before hunting him down, knows he didn't stop until he found him. Knows he tortured the bastard for days before finally putting a bullet in his head.

Dick should care. Should ask. Because usually, he's against killing. But he doesn't. Because if the roles were reversed? He might have done the same. Maybe not as brutal, maybe not as messy, but there wouldn't have been a second chance. Not when it comes to you.

He doesn't wake you when his grip tightens slightly, when he buries his face in your hair, breathing in your warmth, your scent, grounding himself in the steady beat of your heart. A sound, a feeling, he almost lost.

He doesn't sleep. Not even for a second. Instead, he holds you, just like he promised. His fingers trace slow, absentminded circles against your back, like he's mapping out proof that you're still here. And every time you shift, every time you whimper in your sleep, he's right there, pressing soft kisses to your temple, whispering I'm here. I've got you.

And he does. He always will.

[bosinclairsgff]

Slashers Reacting to self harm scars Pt. 2

MAJOR WARNING FOR SELF HARM

Includes : Thomas Hewitt, Norman Nordstrom, Mark Hoffman, Herbert West

Warnings: Kidnap

You have been staying with the Hewitt family for a few months now. You had a daily routine, waking up early, doing your daily chores and spending your evening with Tommy. It had been a particularly hard week on the farm, Hoyt was being extremely difficult and hateful towards you. Tommy had been working super late every night and the heat was starting to make you feel sick. Everything combined just pushed you over the edge, so you did the only thing you could think of. You hadn’t relapsed in so long and really disappointed in yourself. Before starting dinner you went to change into a long sleeve top, even though you were burning up. Of course at dinner, Hoyt was the one to point out said long sleeve shirt. “Why the fuck do ya have on a damn long sleeve shirt in the middle of a Texas summer? I know damn sure ya ain’t cold girl.” He spits out making you cringe. Tommy simply grunted in response and that seemed to shut him up. After washing and cleaning up after dinner you decided to head to bed for a early bedtime. Surprisingly you found Tommy waiting for you in your shared room. “What are you doing up here love?” You question while making your way to the bed to sit next to him. He grunts in response. Being satisfied, you lean in and kiss his cheek. He leans into you. Getting up to take of your clothes, you start with your pants then shirt. Completely forgetting about earlier but it was to late you had taken your shirt off and by the angry grunt you heard you knew you had seen them. “I…I can explain!” No one did this to me I swear Tommy, I did it to myself.” You started frantically explaining. Immediately confusion and pain came to his eyes. Why? He questions with a tilt of his head. Tears start to fill your eyes as you try to find the words to explain to him. “I just was so stressed out and overwhelmed, I did the on,y thing I could think of. I’m sorry. I’lol try not to do it again.” You look down. Hearing the bed creak you knew he had gotten up from sitting down. When he got to you, he pulled you into a hug. Not being able to hold back the tears they streamed down your cheeks. The next day he made you let Luda May clean up the wounds. She scolded you but out of pure love for you. The next few weeks everyone was nicer and kept a close eye on you.

Norman had found you trying to break into his home a few days ago. Since then you’d been locked up in his basement, confined to a small padded area. Everyday he’d bring food, water and water his plants. Begging didn’t seem to work with him. You tried explaining you were hungry and needed money, that you didn’t mean him any harm at all. He never listened. Today he brought down a new set of clothes for you and a wash cloth. Even he must have noticed you were starting to stink. Your arms were tied behind your back, legs were free. You couldn’t fight back even if you tried, he was so much stronger than you. You were completely at a disadvantage anyways, having your hands tied. “I’m going to wash you off and change your clothes. If you try to do anything, I will hurt you.” He states in his low voice. You whimper in response. With that he comes into my little corner of the dark world. His hands travel up my legs looking for my jeans buttons and zipper. Once he found it he starts removing my pants, underwear with them. “Wait, wait, why my underwear please I need them.” You cry out. He says nothing. Reaching for the wash cloth he brought you, he began washing your lower half. Kindly, he avoided your most intimate parts, never going above your lower thighs. After he was done he pulled out a pair of boxers and some sweatpants. Norman also pulled out duck tape, bringing your feet together and wrapping them tightly with the tape. He then un did your tied hands, letting you finally stretch your arms out. Reaching for the new shirt he instructed you to take your shirt and bra off. You had no other choice but to obey. “I’m done, I took them off” you whisper. Taking the wash cloth he finds your arms but stops when he feels the light scars. They were to many of them to be a cat scratch or a accidental cut. “Why would you do this to yourself?” Norman questions. Staying silent and holding back tears, he grips your arm tightly. “Answer me. Now.” He barks out. “I was in so much pain, I just needed to get it out. Please your hurting me, let go.” You say slightly sobbing. Satisfied he let go. He didn’t say anything but finished cleaning you and dressing you. Getting up to leave, he turns back towards you. “You never have to do that again.”

You had been dating Mark for about a 6 months. Moving in with him after three months of being together. You’ve gotten closer to him than anyone has in a very long time. He cares about you so much, he’d die for you, kill for you. Mark knew you had struggled with self harm in the past, he’s seen the scars. You’d told him you had gotten better however and stopped doing that stuff. But, Mark had been neglecting you lately and things at work for you had been so hectic. With so much going on and feeling that you had no one to turn to, you cut again. You didn’t know how you’d hide it from him, you didn’t care at the time. As soon as you heard his keys Turing in the lock though, you cared. Frantically you looked for a long sleeve shirt. Just as he walked in you found one. “Y/n? I’m home, are you here?” He calls out. “Yes! I’m changing I’ll be there in a sec babe.” You respond. Fuck, why did you do that. What will you tell him if he see? You two have your normal after work conversations. He had brought Chinese takeout home for dinner. While reaching for plates to eat on your shirt revealed a bit of your arm, you didn’t notice but Mark did. “Y/n, what are those marks on your arm?” He questions but he already knows the answer. You freeze not knowing what to say. “Why would you do that. I thought we had moved on from such foolish behavior. You are an adult now, you cannot keep acting out like this, you know better y/n.” He shakes his head disapproving of your poor choices. “I’m sorry Mark, I was so stressed I didn’t know what else to do. Please don’t be mad I’m sorry.” You say holding back tears. He gets up and pulls you into a hug. “Either you control yourself of you’ll end up in some hospital where someone else will control you. That’s your decision. I love you, let’s eat.” He says letting go.

Herbert was always so busy with work. He would come home and go straight to the basement, to go and do more work. It seemed like he never had time for you, more like he’d never make time for you. To be honest you didn’t even know what you guys were. Sure you lived together and slept in the same bed but half the time he’d talk to you as if you were a dumb child. It was tiring always being talk down to. Yes Herbert was an extremely intelligent man but you weren’t dumb either. Anyways, with the stress of normal everyday life and having a man who constantly treats you badly you finally relapsed. You hadn’t planned on cutting again, it just happened. To be honest you didn’t even think he’d care if he saw it, you wanted him to though so badly. It was almost midnight when Herbert got home. You were still up watching tv in the living room. “Y/n? Why are you still up? It’s almost midnight. Go to bed.” He said calmly, more like ordered. “I wanted to see you and maybe we could go to bed together. You always come to bed so late, I miss you. Please?” You question. Herbert pauses for a moment thinking. “You know I have a lot of work to do y/n. You can’t be selfish with my time.” He states. You scoff at the comment he made. “How can I be selfish with your time? I never get any of it. You are always in that damn basement or at work. I go to bed, the bed is empty. I wake up, the bed is empty. We don’t even really live together.” You say as you feel the tears starting to form. He’s taken back by this sudden outburst. The living room was dark, only the tv lighting up the room. Herbert flipped on the light switch. That’s when he saw your arm. He’s whole demeanor changed. Walking up to you he grabbed you by the shoulders. “Why the hell would you do something so, so, stupid!? What if they got infected or what if you cut to deep, huh? Then what? Do you want to die y/n!” He shouts. You couldn’t stop the tears. You’ve never seen him so angry and hurt. “I need to clean these up.” He calmly states while dragging you to the bathroom. The room is silent aside from Herbert getting �� alcohol to clean the cuts with from the cabinet. “This will burn, you probably won’t mind though considering you did this in the first place.” He says coldly. It did sting, you cry out and try to pull away but he holds you in place. “Nu huh, you don’t get to run from it. You wanted to feel pain, so feel pain.” He whispers in your ear. You’ve never seen him act so coldly towards you. After the burning went away he wrapped your arms with gauze to make sure it stays clean. Herbert walked you to the bedroom and made the bed for you. “I want you to go to bed now y/n. I’m very disappointed in you. I never want to see you do something so stupid again. Do you understand me?” He questions. You only nod in response.

[iandarling]

Giving Back

Ian has been feeling lost and a little useless lately. His former work as an EMT is haunting him; he’s no longer saving lives in a blue uniform; instead, he’s out driving weed and money in a black cargo suit.

Now, don’t get it twisted; he loves working with Mickey. He gets to spend every day with his husband, kissing and talking, with some light dry-humping in the car on their break, all while making good money. Really good money.

The problem is that Ian is, at his core, a helper. A giver. He wants to do good and make a difference. That’s why being an EMT was such a great fit for him. Ian doesn’t miss the chaos and the lack of sleep that came with the job, but he does miss making an impact on people’s lives.

Of course, this does not go unnoticed by his husband. Mickey knows him better than he knows himself, and he has been secretly planning on finding a way to make Ian get his spark back.

One Saturday morning, when they’re slowly waking up in a tangled mess, he says, “Wake up, sleepyhead, we’ve got plans for today.”

“It’s our day off,” Ian mumbles into the pillow, his hair a curly mess on top of his head. His fringe was getting too long, he really should get a haircut soon.

“I know, but I’ve got plans for our day so get your ass up, and make us some breakfast husband.” Mickey grins at him, and Ian loves his smile so much he obeys him without question.

The coffee is brewed, the pills are swallowed, and the eggs are scrambled. They sit and eat their food in comfortable silence on the couch, naked thighs touching. Ian wants to ask Mickey about his plans, but he also knows his husband loves a good surprise and that it’s better to leave it be.

Ian holds Mickey's hand all the way to the garage and even as Mickey drives. His big hand swallows Mickey's, and he rubs his thumb into Mickey's skin in a comforting manner.

Ian looks around, confused, as they get nearer the south side. Where were they going? When they stop, Mickey points at a brick building at the end of a street he’s never been to. “See that place.”

It doesn’t look totally rundown, but it's not perfect either. Graffiti on one of the walls with cracked drywall near the surprisingly clean windows. “Shabby chic,” one might say. Or at least Susan in 7B would say so.

“It’s a youth centre thing, ‘specially for boys. I used to sneak into there sometimes; had a deal with one of the adults workin’ there. He would give me bars of soap ‘n shit that Terry never got us, if I gave him some weed for free.”

“I could never go there as myself, too open, too exposed. If one word got out that a Milkovich was begging for stuff, Dad would’ve pistol-whipped me...” He bites his lip and looks over at Ian.

“Why are you showing me this?” Ian asks sadly, as he hated hearing about Mickey's bleak childhood. To think back on the dirty and bruised Mickey he fell in love with, made his heart ache. While Ian and Fiona had their arguments, she always made sure they had soap and clean bedsheets.

“You’ve been all down in the dumps lately, man. Figured this could cheer you up. They take donations, right — we make good money now. We could make this a monthly thing if you want. Stock up on all the shit Frank and Terry never gave us, and hand it to those boys. So they can have the shit we never got.”

He’s clearly nervous, biting his lip and trying to act normal, but as soon as Ian lights up like the sun, he leans over the console and kisses him hard.

“I love you.” Ian mumbles into the kiss, and Mickey sighs happily, “Love you too, Gallagher.” Their tongues meet and Ian grabs the back of Mickey's head, pulling him closer, closer. God knows how much he loves this man.

“Dollar Tree is right nearby, we can go there now. Get a bunch a shit.” Mickey pretends to be nonchalant, but Ian can tell he’s secretly excited. Because this means something to him too. It means something to the dirty south side thug that still lives inside him: the little boy who was never shown any true love until Ian.

“Alright...just no weed, though,” Ian jokes, pretending he can’t see Mickey's internal emotional battle. They both know what he’s thinking, but it’s easier to pretend it’s not there. Mickey will talk about it in his own time. It’s the way they do things, and it works.

Ian goes ham at the store. He fills a shopping cart to the brim with multipacks of protein bars, toiletries, boxers and briefs, deodorants, tubes of toothpaste, and other supplies a teenage boy might need.

3 for 2, half off, buy one get one free. Membership points. Ian has spent hours of his life cutting coupons with Debbie, he knows how to work the system. If he buys five shampoos, he can get two for free with the discount. So he bought fifteen.

Mickey walks behind him, pushing the cart. He will occasionally pick up something from the shelves, bandaids and sports tape, things he believes any teenager might need. He stops in front of a shelf and asks Ian. “Should we get like, condoms and shit?”

“Dunno…the workers there might think we’re creeps if we do…but we both know kids that age fuck so...maybe? Buy some, and then we can ask the workers about it later.” Ian shrugs and watches as Mickey dumps a load of them into the cart.

Ian is enjoying his day as he wanders up and down the rows of the shop. “Look, Uno!” Ian smiles and picks up the card game. “Remember how we used to play this inside?” He teases and laughs at Mickey's exaggerated eye roll.

“Yeah, until it got banned for inciting too many fights.” But Mickey is smiling at the memories. Prison was not a place Ian ever wanted to go back to, but sharing a cell with Mickey made it worth it. He places several packs of Uno into the cart.

“Keep going like that, handsome, and we might need a second cart.” Mickey jokes, but Ian isn’t deterred. They could absolutely afford another cart of goods if they wanted to. “Maybe I will,” He winks back.

They pack all the stuff into paper bags and throw them in the back of the van. It’s only a few minutes' drive back to the centre, but Ian was getting nervous.

What if it was too much? What if they didn’t want their donations, and he inadvertently made the kids feel ashamed for accepting them? Growing up south-side and a Gallagher to boot, he knows all about refusing help. It can be humiliating to admit you need help, especially from strangers.

It was easier to swipe from the store than accept the free stuff from the local church. But he remembers how Fiona would line up at those tables and take whatever she could get her hands on, even if it meant swallowing her shame. Because she knew her kids needed to eat and stay clean.

The Gallagher kids have used plenty of stolen and donated stuff in their lives — truck stop toilet paper, handouts from churches, and out-of-date canned foods. Hopefully, the workers at the centre, and also the kids, would understand their motivation. They were once like them, after all.

Mickey parks the van around the back and looks at Ian. “You ready?” He seems nervous, too. They could absolutely hand over the bags to a worker, leave, and not be seen by the kids if they wanted to. They could probably do all of this anonymously and avoid any nerves.

But Ian has missed the feeling he got from directly helping people. He has missed the chance of making others happy. Perhaps it’s selfish, but he wants to be there when the kids receive the stuff he knows he would’ve loved to have as a kid.

“Ready when you are, Milkovich.”

Mickey rings the doorbell, and they wait anxiously before a thirty-something-year-old man opens the door. He smiles at them and asks why they’re there. Mickey explains, “I used to come here as a kid…figured you might want some stuff or whatever.” He’s nervous, but Ian holds his hand and squeezes it softly.

The man nods happily and invites them in. He helps them carry the many bags of items and takes them into an office room, where they meet some other employees. Volunteers, Ian corrects himself. They look happy to see them and smile ecstatically as they rummage through the bags.

“Oh, the boys will love this!” One young girl says as she holds up the pack of protein bars Ian had picked. Peanut butter and chocolate flavoured. “Got a couple of exercise junkies here, this will help keep them full longer.” She jokes.

Ian smiles as he helps them unpack. Mickey stands back a little, just watching them work. This is what he never had as a kid, and it’s bittersweet to watch others get what he so desperately craved. Still, he smiles at Ian, who is back in full swing, laughing and talking to everyone.

A couple of boys trickle in, curious about the commotion. They’re young, not even teenagers yet, but Mickey recognises the signs of a tough home life. The way they walk and carry themselves, keeping their hands ready at all times, the many layers of clothing because they can’t afford a winter jacket. He nods at them. They nod back.

The tallest of the two swipes a pack of deodorants before leaving the room just as quickly as he entered it. The youngest stays behind, edging around the door, as if he’s unsure of what to do.

Ian, as the gentle giant he is, smiles and introduces himself. He talked nonchalantly about toothpaste and Uno, making the boy a little less nervous. He smiles at Ian, who hands him a bag of Hershey’s Kisses. The boy grins and leaves.

“Every time we went into the system, my sister got us kisses, said it makes everything better.” He explains to the woman. Ian is feeling a hundred times better as he helps the workers organise their giant donation. This is absolutely going to be a monthly thing that they do. He's already mentally planning what he wants to bring next time.

Mickey keeps his distance, just admiring his husband's happy face. His freckles and ginger hair were extra vibrant against his pale winter skin. He looks beautiful and Mickey loves him so much.

Once they get home, Ian orders takeout, and Mickey works his magic on their stolen DVD player. Jaws is on the menu tonight. Ian plates up the Chinese food on their little coffee table near the couch.

“Thanks,” Ian whispers into a soft kiss. “For today, and for always paying attention. For knowing me so well.”

“Mmm, gotta. You’re my husband.” Mickey grins stupidly like he always does when they say that word.

Ian raises an eyebrow at him, levelling a look. “Don’t hide, I know you enjoyed it too, even if you spent most of the time in the corner watching.”

“Yeah, well, someone gotta take care of those kids ya know? They didn’t even have pocket knives. We should get them some Swiss army knives and maybe a couple a nunchucks next time and…” Ian kisses him quiet.

Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64251175

[xoxo-sarah]

Ms. Perfect

↝a/n: this is an old idea that I had in the back of my notes app. Oops.

↝pairing: Daryl Dixon x fem!reader

↝warning: death, widow!Reader, apocalypse, mean! Daryl, swearing, not proofread

|| Disclaimer: I do not own Daryl, or any character from The Walking Dead. I only own y/n and any characters I create with my own brain. ||

↝⎙ 4.23.24

Daryl wasn't sure why he hated you so much. You were nice to everyone around you, even understanding. But the sight of you makes the blood in his veins boil.

It became a routine; you and him sniping at each other, digging up trauma neither of you really wanted to. He just got under your skin. Like now.

“Sorry, in case you haven' noticed, the world ain't all rainbows and sunshine anymore. We don't shit money to buy the newest thing. Life is different, Doll. Get used to it.” He drawled, his eyebrows scrunched together.

There he goes again.

You weren't even talking to or about him, but he had heard you. That had been enough for him to butt in, apparently.

Ever since you had stumbled your way into Daryl's group early on, Daryl had had it out for you. At the creek, he would be pointing out how your hair had to have been done recently. Your jewelry, clothes, how smooth your skin looked from the expensive moisturizers and night creams you had to use, your newly manicured nails- ignoring the dirt and blood underneath-, and the shine in your eyes. You didn't have the shine at first, but when you would hang out with Carol, you would smile, and the recent glazed look was gone.

Your eyes shone brightly like the stars in the countryside. Not that you would know. You probably never had the chance to see how bright the stars shone in the city.

You were unbothered by the people at the campsite, keeping to yourself. You didn't have to worry about anything when the world was built for your liking and convenience.

Daryl despised you and that god-awful rock on your finger that could feed him for probably 6 months to a year. He glared at the ring every chance he got—so much so that you eventually yanked it off, throwing it in the murky pond.

Even after leaving the campsite, you stayed with the group, arguing with Daryl along the way.

“I get it, you're used to having people do everything for you, but we're not always going to be with you, Princess. Sorry life now is so much different from your perfect life before.” For a quiet guy, he always had so much to say to you. All negative.

You bit your cheek, glancing from Maggie—who you were originally talking to—to the dirty man in front of you. "Yeah-I had the perfect life. I had the fiancé that I couldn't wait to marry. I had the apartment that I had the luxury to design with my mother, gushing about the difference wallpapers." You smiled at the memory. Your mother had been so happy for you. "I had the fluffy dog that had its own room. I had the dad who would always talk about playing catch with his future grandchild. I had the money where I didn't have to worry about anything in life." You didn't falter as you felt behind your eyes begin to burn. " I did, alright? I had the life that almost every little girl dreams about. But it was yanked out of my hands, like everyone else's. One day, I didn't wake up to my fiancé kissing me, or the smell of burnt toast-- cause he didn't know how to cook. I woke up to him nowhere in sight. Instead, I heard yelling outside the door, car horns honking outside of the windows. When I opened the door, I saw my neighbors with white eyes, growling and clawing at the skin of the man I was going to marry and grow old with. His screams will haunt me 'til the day I die. But you will not ever hear me feeling bad for myself. I did have the perfect life, but that doesn't matter now. So, get over -yourself-, cause I am just trying to survive just like you."

Daryl watched your eyes gloss over, your nostrils flare. You were rightfully pissed. And right. He hadn't heard you weep for your past-- ever. You had jumped right into survival mode as soon as he laid eyes on you. You had held your own too- most people called you a badass, Daryl wouldn't let himself verbally agree. With that, you turned and walked away. Maggie shuffled awkwardly, glancing from you to Daryl. She wore a disappointed frown.

Weeks. You ignored his existence for weeks, 2 weeks to be exact. Everytime he would go up to you, you would walk away. Even if you were in the middle to a conversation. The person you were talking to wouldn't mind, really. They would've known about your bitter back-and-forth. They wouldn't think anything of it.

Daryl just wishes you would give him a chance to at least try to apologize. After you had let your walls down and told him about what the end of the world was like for you, he felt bad - pathetic, even. He was so jealous about how you lived before the outbreak, he didn't care about how it had affected you. He should've.

The moonlight led him towards your house, his hands fidgeting. The streets were silent, everyone already in bed. He hadn't been able to sleep. The thought of you kept him up in a different way than before.

His knuckles hovered over your door. You had to be in bed. Was it worth it? You would probably be too tired to yell at him. He knocked.

It took a minute for the door to open. You stood, rubbing sleep from your eyes, a sleep frown on your face. At the sight in front of you, your hand dropped, your sleepy eyes immediately rolling in annoyance. "Oh my god-" You tried to close the door, but his boot caught it before it could close all the way. "Move your foot, Dixon."

"Listen." His eyes were pleading, something you weren't used to. You kept the door open when he reluctantly moved his boot. " 'm sorry."

You scoffed, Sure, you are."

" 'm serious. " He looked at the floor as he brought his hand up, turning it and showing his hand. "Not sure why I kept it." At the sight of your ring, tears bordered your eyes. Your head pressed against the side of the door as your body shook with a silent sob. Daryl didn't look at you. He let you grieve for whatever you wanted to in that moment. He let you have that moment. After your sobs died down, his calloused hand took yours, opening your hand and dropping the ring into your palm.

"You're a dick." You hiccupped.

"I know." 

•2021-2024 by xoxo-sarah on Tumblr•

•My work is not to be translated, copied, modified, and/or reposted on any other site without my permission. [I don't give permission!]

[i-cant-sing]

Okay okay, time for me to word vomit an idea:

So imagine that after Dabi does his whole vengeful arc, kills dozens of people and publicly calls out Enji's abusive ass, my man just gets caught by the cops and he's like put in a psychiatric hospital (because obviously Enji pulled some strings to save his son from death row to ease his own guilt).

Anyways, Dabi is like majorly depressed obviously and he's like "well, I've done everything I wanted to, so I might as well off myself" and cue reader's entry.

So basically, reader could be a nurse/doctor(NOT A PSYCHIATRIST) and she's all warm and fuzzy and a literal Ray of sunshine and Dabi hates her, but he doesn't give a crap atm.

And like everytime Dabi tries to kill himself, reader is there to stop him. It obviously started with "nooo, please don't kill yourself🥺 you are precious🥺🥺" to reader just swooping in and foiling his plans like "can you not die during my shift? I need an early night off🥱". Dabi is actively trying to kill himself, like he's standing on the ledge to jump, and reader is tackling him down and then punching him for making you run all the way up to the roof.

And like reader is bandaging him up with great gentleness and care and Dabi is staring at her being all close to him (he is mesmerised), and he goes-

"I'll be successful in my suicide one day."

And you just smile and shake your head. "Not as long as I'm praying." And at first, Dabi is super annoyed because he's think you're into the whole religious mumbo jumbo, but he actually caught you one day praying (insert whatever religion) and he's bewitched by the sincerity you pray for his (and others) well being. As if you believed with your whole heart that someone up there is listening to you.

He doesn't know what or when exactly he fell for you, but he did. And he decides that he'll confess to you after he gets out of psychiatric hospital (after tugging at Rei's and Enji's heart strings and them using money and influence to free their menace son). After spending 6 years in the hospital, 6 years where you were the only one who truly cared for him, he'll finally confess to you.

But then you don't come. Not even the next day, or the week after that. Turns out, you left your job.

Out of the blue? Dabi's suspicions rose.

He got out of the hospital and began doing his own research on you until he found your address and well... he sort of came in unannounced (look he knocked, you didn't answer, so he melted the lock and let himself in. At least he came in bearing flowers and wine).

He wasn't expecting you to be at home, but there you were, lying in your bed, a little too still for someone to be asleep.

He throws the covers off you, eyes narrowing on the red stains on your sheet before moving to your bleeding wrists.

Dabi's world stops, every cell in his body stops before every fiber in his being screams and makes him move. He doesn't check for pulse, doesn't check if you're still breathing, perhaps he'd die himself if he didn't like the answer he found. He picks you up and immeadiately goes to the nearest hospital, which fortunately was near.

While you were being operated on, Dabi sat outside, heart thumping as he prayed to whatever deity you did.

Please... not yet.

His prayers were answered as tge doctors told him that you're going to be alright... physically that is. Mentally? Well, Dabi is about to figure it out.

He sat by your side waiting for you to wake up. When you finally did, he saw how different you looked. Obviously he had noticed that you were physically weak, but your eyes... they lost their shine.

Your eyes turned to confusion when you looked at him. "D-Dabi? What are you-"

"I found you." That was enough for you to put together what he meant. You turned your eyes away from him, ashamed.

"Why?" He asks in a quiet tone. "What made you do it?"

"My choices." You whispered. "Bad decisions in the past."

Dabi wanted to pry more out of you, but he knew you wouldn't explain more. So, he takes matter into his own hands and leaves the hospital, telling you that he needs to run some errands, but he's actually going back to your apartment and starts rummaging through your stuff to find some clues as to what exactly caused you to do this.

He didn't have to look around too much because he found your phone and snooped through your messages. Someone was blackmailing you. They had some explicit pictures of you, seems like a toxic ex who was threatening to share these photos with your family and social circle.

So Dabi pays a visit to your ex, takes care of him and the pictures he had,making sure to get rid of all the copies too. All in a day!

By night he had returned to the hospital, you were asleep. He slept there too, in the uncomfortable hospital chair, heart at peace as he watched your chest rise and fall steadily.

Next morning, when it was time for you to leave, Dabi helped you and took you home. You thanked him for everything, and Dabi made sure to tell you that he'll be picking you up for lunch later. You agreed hesitantly. And at lunch, he finally revealed that he came to you because he wanted to ask you out.

You look surprised, more so when he reveals that he had fancied you for a while and that he understands that relationships might not be a priority for you at the moment but-

"I understand if dating is not a priority for you right now but if you ever do consider falling in love, know that I've been on the top of your wait list for the past 6 years and will wait another lifetime if that's all the time you need."

You're in tears at his words, and you have a hard time not breaking down as he takes your hands in his, his thumbs carefully tracing over your bandaged wrists as he promises to wait by your side, that he'll always be there to help you with anything, that if you gave him a chance, he'll spend the rest of his life trying to make you happy.

"Dabi, i- I am not good for you." You say, voice wobbly. "My past, it'll always haunt me and I care too much about you to let it haunt you as well."

"Your ex? His pictures?" He asked watching shock appear on your face. "You won't ever have to worry about him, Y/n."

You shook off your surprise. "That's not it. It's not the only problem I have!"

"Then tell me. I'll fix all of your problems." Dabi promises with such sincerity that you're compelled to believe him.

You don't tell him obviously, saying that it is your burden, your mess to deal with. Dabi doesn't push more, only because he knows he'll figure it out later anyways. Hey, he may be a criminal but he was once the son of the top hero who trained him, so Dabi's IQ is through the fucking roof.

And a man in love has no limitations.

Had a DUI? He deals with it. Parents disowned you? He'll make them regret it. Killed someone? He'll make sure you have an alibi to prove your innocence. Cheated off a test in grade 2? He'll make sure there are no witnesses alive. He'll burn the world- burn himself if it means keeping you warm.

You don't wanna date a criminal? Fine, he's working a cooperate job and since he's so smart, he'll be a fucking CEO in no time and have enough money and time to spend on you. Youre crying because you feel ugly when you see your scars? Dabi makes sure to kiss them every day and pulls out his turtleneck (aka the trademark Todoroki fit) for you, while he buys the best treatment money can buy for your scars. Mental health is going down? He's taking you to the best therapist in town. You're sad he's an atheist because it means you won't be with him in heaven? Damn, he's a convert now.

I just adore men in love :(

Okay but I don't think we're focusing on how scary smart Dabi actually is😳😳😳 I just know it, I KNOW he's super smart but he downplays it all the time because he's depressed or whatever.

[mystycalypso]

do u ever pray u lived in an au where the show wasnt cancelled.... i wish theyd made season 3 according to their original plans then just went on hiatus until that company merger or w/e was done n they had money for s4 </3

Okay so, I was going to draw some- very fruity Laserblast art ngl, but this ask hit me enough I sat down, and opened my laptop to write a real response. I've also got the series on in the background. I started episode 1 when I began typing, and we'll see how far I am in the series before I finish typing it.

First of all, I love using au to refer to real life, honestly better than various timelines. And secondly

Absolutely. Every day of my life. Every time I draw one of the characters, or see fanart, or hear the VAs or- anything. Because- I'm insanely hyperfixated on this show. A disgusting amount, unhealthily. It's not normal lol.

And I do constantly think about what could have been, I mean, after all once again my favorite character is Laserblast of all things. Not Venomous, Laserblast. The version of that man that has like five minutes of screen time and no canon first name. So much so that when on the Saberspark Q&A when he came up in a question for quote "Me and the three other Laserblast fans" I cheered out loud, alone, in my apartment. I would have killed to not have to pull at removing his mask myself and Ian's one tweet calling him a himbo to show people characterization.

And honestly the wiki makes it all worse, in a loving way. What do you mean we were going to get multiple sitcom comfy style episodes where K.O. spends the weekend with his dad? I could've had more proof that Venomous isn't an abusive dad, just an unskilled and undisciplined one? I COULD'VE HAD AN EASIER TIME SEPERATING HIM AND SHADOWY TO OTHERS?!

And sure, I constantly wish that somehow someway I'll wake up and Ian will have announced the movie, the Hue Troop spin off, post finale storylines, the works.

But, on the other hand, here's why I'm grateful for what we did end up getting (this will probably be the longer section, sorrey)

tldwr (Too long don't wanna read): Cartoon Network is dead and pathetic and I don't wish that suffering upon this wonderful show.

So, something you guys can also notice from Ian's posts and the wiki, and just from what the cartoon industry is like in general, that getting what you want out of your series, storyline and representation wise and all that is actually pulling teeth.

For an example of later episodes, things like a seemingly Radmond episode getting changed to rad and mikayla. Or Voxman having to be pretty heavily censored (although I'm proud of the subtext they managed so heavily) which is partially because, and this isn't to take away from wlw rep and how hard it is to get on air, but is more difficult to get outright mlm representation simply because- it's harder to censor.

After all, it's much easier to pull a "they're just close friends!" Thing for two fem presenting characters, than it is for two masc ones. It sucks and they shouldn't have to be censored across different countries at all, but it's just- how it is.

Which is why, realistically, as cool as the movie centering around a voxman wedding would be incredible, I don't think it would've made it past S&P. Not to mention, even if it somehow did, It'd either suffer the fate of being a TV movie, getting limited as hell views, OR best worst case scenario, a box office release which would get hate bombed by people for it's- everything. Because people suck. I mean, even not counting homophobic people there's a disturbingly high chunk of this fandom that hates Voxman- because... *checks wiki* Oh yeah, "Evil people not being perfect good guys = bad representation"

Also, cartoon network was- already starting to die by now, with less funding each year in the first place. Meaning we don't know if it getting that funding was even an option as time went on. And the idea of getting a longer season three, with the reveal being drawn out another season like they wanted, and then potentially never getting closure on- any of it? That's horrible even to think about.

Sure, the entirety of season 3 was rushed as hell. And I cry about all the missing stuff we'll probably never get, because well there's not even a cartoon network building to make this stuff in anymore, I'm glad that we have a finished storyline and understanding of where arcs would've gone to fill in things ourselves. I mean, getting to look into and imagine all the things we didn't get to see is much more fun than theorizing on an unfinished story.

So, yeah, I do wish that somehow, someway, we will get more someday. I'm at least glad we got a finished storyline and an ending that, while rushed, is still one of my favorites. I love let's fight to the end so much, I love how much I hate shadowy figure, and I love that I can be here making content for you guys!

Well look at that, it only took me seven episodes to write this whole thing, and I get to end this rant knowing Raymond was on screen. That's cool.

[wandsandwheezes]

Come Home - S.Rintarō

TLDR I got sad and i missed the loml let a girl live

Hoping this inspires me to get back into writing again but i thought id share this small angsty hurt comfort i whipped up to make myself feel better / weasley content tbc because i really miss writing

It was hard for her to admit this to him. Just how cold the bed was on her own, the deafening silence of the apartment without his presence. Almost three months he’d been away from her, that was never the plan.

“Baby it’ll be a couple’a weeks and i’ll be back in no time, yeah?” He spoke softly, smoothing the hair down at the back of her head as she sobbed into his chest. Rintaro hated leaving, felt his heart tear in two as the tears rolled down her face, but it was work.

He could hardly break the news to her when it came. “I’m sorry princess, i’ve gotta stay… shit none of us anticipated making it to the quarters, let alone semi finals.” He could feel his world shatter as a single tear rolled down her cheek, not even able to wrap her up in his arms and take the sadness away. Tears welled in his eyes as she choked out, “But you’ll be home soon?”

Soon couldn’t come fast enough, counting down the days, eating meals alone. Suna had never felt so distant from reality, they’d spent every day together for 4 years, and now two and a half months was too much for him to take. He paced his hotel room, trying his hardest not to overthink the text he’d just received. I miss you, suna, i hope you miss me too.

Fuck, of course he missed her. This tour, it was life changing; enough to put that down payment on their forever home, even enough to get her the ring that she deserved, stashed in his bag ready for his arrival home, he wanted to provide for them. The exposure was enough to warrant a contract other players would fight for, but it was security for them. As much as it killed him to be away, he was setting things up for the future he wanted, a future that made her happy.

He hit dial, needing to hear her voice. It rang, eerily long for his liking, until the video call connected, the screen was dark and all he could hear were faint sniffles down the phone. A switch clicked on and their bedroom illuminated, showing him his puffy eyed and sleepy girl, a sight that shattered his heart into a million pieces. “Baby…”

“please don’t, rin… i don’t wanna think about it.” she sighed, every part of her missed him, the way he let her tangle her legs between his as she curled into his chest, how he traced hearts and smiley faces on her shoulder as she slept, waking up to his gentle snores and warm body, or how he pulled her in just that bit tighter when they were both sleepy.

“I’m breaking your heart, aren’t I?” He was blunt, almost too blunt. He didn’t like seeing her like this, not when he was hours away, exhausted after a day of practice and just wanting a kiss from the love of his life.

She stayed silent, tears spilling again as she clutched her bear to her chest just a little tighter. She’d made a home in Japan with him, but right now all she wanted was to be in her childhood bed, curled up and listening to the sound of the british rain against her window. “I can’t do this without you rinnie, I hate being alone.

“I’m sorry, kit… I-“ he was at a loss for words, “I hope you know that i can’t breathe without you, i can’t sleep properly, i’m totally lost without you by my side through this.”

“Then come home,” she pleaded, choking out a sob, “please, i’m begging you come home.” He watched the world around him crumble. No amount of money or exposure was worth what he was putting her through. “baby, i’ll be home soon, I love you.”

“Soon, sunarin, i love you.” She knew it wouldn’t change a thing, pressing her lips to the camera as she disconnected the call. She needed him now, but she knew she’d have to wait, for how long though was the question.

Suna had never packed a bag faster, finding everything in that hotel that belonged to him before he was out the door, flying down the expressway to her, to his heartbeat. Four hours it took him, four hours more he was separated from her.

He opened the apartment door quietly, gently placing his bag on the floor as he kicked off his shoes and set down his keys. He pattered down the hall, finding the door open and the faint glow of tokyo lights reflecting around the room, she was sound asleep.

The bear was pulled tight to her chest, salt stained cheeks now dry and he’d known she’d cried herself to sleep. Pulling off his hoodie, he gently lifted the covers and slipped back into their bed for the first time in what felt like a decade, pulling his baby into his arms.

She stirred, the faint smell of his cologne entering her senses and she curled in tighter, content in the dream of her rinnie. As she came to her senses and he didn’t fade away, butterflies erupted in her stomach, sleepy eyes peering open and she could almost cry again at the sight. “You came home.”

“And l’ll never ever leave you again, baby i promise.” He kissed her forehead, pulling her tight to his chest once again. He reached into his pocket with one hand, pulling out the small box, flicking it open behind her back. He sighed deeply, lifting the gleaming emerald into the light of her lamp, “I simply can’t live without you princess, and i want you to be mine forever, mrs suna”

[michellemisfit]

WEEKLY TAG WEDNESDAY

Happiest of birthdays to our dear @energievie who created today's birthday themed tag game. WHOOP WHOOP! 🥳

Thanks for the tag @deedala 🎉 @gallapiech 🤩 @vintagelacerosette 🙌

---

When is yours? 1st March

Where were you born? Switzerland.

How do you feel about your legal name? Are you using it online and/or IRL? Michelle is a nice name. I'm perfectly happy with it. I do however absolutely hate the Beales song I was named after. Think it's one of their worst songs. And I regularly forget that I have a middle name, not even cause I hate it or anything, purely because I think it's pointless. It's Aline.

How about your sign? Do you feel it "fits"? I'm Pisces. And I guess so..? I don't really know much about signs, but people who do tell me it fits, and I believe them. @celestialmickey - come and weigh in! haha

What's your earliest memory related to your birthday? Weirdly enough my earliest *birthday* memory that comes to mind is actually my brother's birthday, when he turned maybe 6? And I would have been 3? My parents had a weird thing about getting me small gifts on his birthday, because I was younger and they didn't want me to get upset I guess? Anyway. There's a photograph of him blowing out his birthday candles and me holding a little sheep stuffed toy that I got for his birthday. I remember loving that sheep a LOT! For my first birthday memory I actually don't really have one until about age 6 or 7? I had a birthday party in our party room and my mum made me invite the whole class, even though I wasn't friends with anyone at school. One of the girls gave me a doll as a present and I genuinly just didn't know what I was supposed to do with this thing and had no idea how to react when I unwrapped it... it was very awkward and I'm sure I was less than graceful. Not the best memory lol

What's one of the best gifts you've ever received? When I first moved to London I felt like I was required to go back to Switzerland for birthdays and Christmas celebrations, even though those were difficult, associated with a lot of bad memories, and never ever fun. I moved to London at the beginning of October with a suitcase of clothes and not much else, and we pretty immediately went on the Dirty Pretty Things break up tour, so i didn't even sleep in my new London room very much for the first 8 weeks. Going back to Switzerland for that Christmas was particularly hard because I hadn't been in London for long, I had barely any stuff that belonged to me, and there was a certain feeling of 'maybe it was just a long holiday, and I'm gonna wake up and live in Switzerland again', because I did a lot of extended holidays to follow bands around the UK in the two years leading up to my move so... yeah, it was rough. And then when I returned home to London Ruth and her mum had bought me my own bedsheets (zebra striped), and made up the bed in my room, and put a big bow on it, and I'm basically in floods of tears just thinking about it now. They made me a home that I was welcome in. And I’ll never forget that.

How about one of the best you've given yourself? I honestly can't think of anything that was a "birthday" gift to myself. hmmm. When I quit smoking I put £5 into a jar every day, that I wasn't spending on cigarettes, and then Ruth and I went to New York and attended Elsie Fest with my 'No Longer a Smoker' money, buying VIP tickets that came with awesome seats and a tonne of free booze... that was EXCELLENT! haha

What's your favourite cake flavour? Not a big fan of cake. I like raw cake batter an awful lot better than actual cake. So I now always ask for chocolate mousse for my birthday :)

How about your favourite flowers? Wild Flowers. And I quite like interesting twigs, too.

Have your ever thrown a birthday party? If yes, tell us about your favourite one. Oh yeah, I throw awesome parties. Here's just a few recent ones, or you can check out the Mys in the Kitchen tag for what may get served at my birthday parties... haha Though actually a couple of years post pandemic I wanted to have a brithday party, but keep it small and covid friendly, so I had a Cocktail & Cookie Icing party, which was so much fun!! I highly recommend everyone to throw a party at least once in their life, that includes like a fun workshop element. We had such a good time!

What's the ultimate birthday song?

Because it’s my birthday and people have to let me play it haha

There we have it! Birthday fun! Now it's your turn @deedala @ian-galagher @iandarling @darlingian @celestialmickey @crossmydna @too-schoolforcool @rereadanon @rutherinahobbit @the-rat-wins @tsuga-of-mars @heymrspatel @gallawitchxx x @iansw0rld @ohkate @palepinkgoat @lynne-monstr @loftec @sickness-health-all-that-shit @faejilly @junemermaid @jrooc @mikhailoisbaby @creepkinginc @francesrose3 @callivich @blue-disco-lights @sleepyfacetoughguy @stocious @spookygingerr @lingy910y @suzy-queued @greentealycheejelly @thepupperino

[orikiys]

✿ ✿ 〞 voicemails before spring ends

✰ pairings: felix x fem!reader

✰ genre: angst, romance, forbidden love, modern royalty au

✰ warnings: mentions of alcohol, insecurities, some cursing (only damn and that too once), felix belittles himself very much

✰ word count: 1.5k + words (got too carried away with this)

FELIX | chan | minho | changbin | hyunjin | han | seun gmin | jeongin

one 𖨂

today is another day of me thinking i wish we weren’t impossible. a rather blunt way to start it is, i know. but i cannot help myself as i watch you from across the room, in the arms of a rather worthy man. and i cannot help but think what it is to have what he does. fame, money, personality and. . . looks. i cover up my freckles and drew new ones because they look rather unorganised. i have to set my hair every ten minutes, in hopes i don’t look like i’m at my worst. or maybe, to have your attention on me. how utterly pleasing must it be. the gentlemen– he is everything i’m not. he is everything i try to be. he is everything i ever wanted to be. and now, he’s also stealing the most precious thing i ever had. you. and i’m helpless. i can’t do anything but watch. as i’m only your royal advisor.

two 𖨂

you tell me you love me at midnight. you cup my cheeks and kiss me deeply at midnight. you again tell me that you love me and snuggle against me at midnight. and i love it. every bit of it. but i must ask, why midnight? why not in the daylight? or is it too embarrassing for you to be seen caught in such acts? once again i ask, what’s wrong with us? why are we impossible? that’s the only reason i won’t admit that i love you. because if i do, i’m afraid that it’ll come true. and it’s barbaric. because i can’t love you. you don’t need my love when you have thousands of suitors up in line with proposals. and it’s rather upsetting to say i don’t even stand a chance among these royals. i’m. . . the watcher. just watching you all the time. tell me, is it love if i think of you all the time? and even though i shouldn’t be, i can’t help it. not when you look utterly beautiful when you wake up. your unruly hair, bare face and your smile– the one that has kept me under your spell. and though, i should be sending you the proposal requests from all across the city, i keep them with me. in my chambers, locked up in some rusty box so you don’t get taken away from me. and it is selfish of me indeed. but if it means, i can avoid watching you fall for another man for some weeks, i suppose it’s a rather good idea. good for my heart too.

three 𖨂

why do you make it so hard for me to leave quietly? why did you have to take my leaving notice and tear it? why? i demand answers. why don’t you understand how hard it is for me? let go of me please. along with the thoughts that we would ever have a happily ever after. i have gotten rid of it as well. it’s impossible, sweetheart. and i’m sorry– for not trying harder and going away this easily. but i’ve seen your heart, and i know it longs for me just like mine does. and that’s all i ever need to know. that’s all. but if you still continue to stop me i’ll have to remind you of the harsh reality. yes, reality. what you’re thinking is just a dream. you and me, we’re on two different levels. so, please don’t make it harder for me than it already is. and i wish it didn’t have to be this soon or under such unforeseen circumstances, but i’ll say it right now. i love you. but i hate love. so much. i’m terribly miserable without you. and i want to spend every second of my life with you. and now, here i am. bitterly laughing at myself while thinking of my dreams. dreams, no wonder they sound so unrealistic. it took me a lot of courage to say all this, many bottles of fine wine and a broken heart. you’re the person i cannot love. and even though a mere thought of you has me smiling foolishly to myself, allowing myself to lower my walls and let you in and see my vulnerability, i still cannot love you. because i can never have you. never.

four 𖨂

darling stop hurting yourself over me. please. you deserve someone who can make you happy. someone who has money to spend on you and your future children, someone who has time to take you out and roam around the city and someone. . . who is truly as valuable as you are. as high as you are. an equal. that’s who you need. don’t cry for me. what we had was beautiful. yet tragic. and it’s something i won’t even forget or move on from. it hurts me knowing i can’t comfort you any longer, as i’m too far away now. so far that you can’t even reach it if you wanted to. stop searching for me. stop trying to come to me. stop, just stop. i’m sorry that i loved you. but i don’t regret it in a bad way. i regret that i couldn’t buy you expensive gifts that you received from other suitors, or even cherish you properly. but the intimacy we had was sincere. and i can still sense it. i did receive your calls and texts, but it’s inappropriate of us to be talking that way when your engagement has been announced, my love. whatever we had, should end right here before anyone else finds out. and if they do, i don’t know how i’ll control myself. you need to understand the urgency! they can hurt you, kill you and even use you if they ever find out! and i don’t want anyone looking at you, touching you in a way that can cause you harm. please, for my sake, stop. i’ll meet you one last time, just like you wanted and after that don’t call out for me anymore. i love you. and that’s why it’s my responsibility to also protect you. though not physically, but i can try to avoid any danger that’s walking towards you. text me, only if there’s an emergency. good night sweetheart, try to sleep okay? read the book from where we last left it if you can’t seem to fall asleep. okay? i miss you too, i hope you know that.

five 𖨂

our last time was a goodbye, and i hated that it felt like one so damn much. you looked so weak, are you sure you’re taking proper care of yourself? it was hard to pull away from that hug. because i knew that if i did, you would have to walk away from me. and even though you should, since it’s unsafe for you to be seen around me, it stung pretty badly. every word you said to me– i have it written down in my diary just so that i don’t forget. and when you said, “felix, i’m sorry to have been born in this life where you couldn’t publicly be mine, neither could i be yours. but i hope you know that our hearts are entangled deep with each other”, i felt that. it struck me so hard that i get tears everytime it replays in my head. you may call me a coward for not fighting, but nothing matters more than your safety and wellbeing. nothing at all. i would like to say something as well, and please remember it. i just want to say that our love it’s true, it’s pure and passionate and keeps growing no matter the time, place or the distance between us. in this life, i couldn’t have you. . . but in next life, i won’t let go of you. i’ll stop you, love you and fight for you. i would do all the things i couldn’t complete in this life. perhaps, in the next life this love story of ours will have a happily ever after and i’ll pray for it.

six 𖨂

remember when i told you that you remind me of springtime? i didn’t lie. the air smells different, the flowers begin to bud, after that dark and cold winter; it brings out smiles. and you, my love after the definition of spring, you’re the rebirth of all my laughs that i lost in my childhood. you gave me a new life, a new will to live. you’re the light to my life, like the fresh innocence of spring. forever until death brings us together, i’m yours and yours only. and i wish you a life full of joy. like the spring you are, let’s give us a rebirth and act like strangers who once were lovers as well. i hope to meet you again when spring starts. just like the beat of my heart, i longingly stare at you, so don’t worry, i’ll always have my eye on you darling. spring ends tomorrow, and we do too. i love you even through the harsh winters and scorching suns.

PERM TAGLIST: @taeriffic 🧣 @hello-2-u-from-me 🧣 @ilychee08 🧣 @sleepyleeji 🧣 @spacegirlstuff

[ask-woods]

"frank,

i don't know how long you'll be asleep - i hope you don't wake up now. you need the rest. but i promised i'd tell you everything. and so i will in this letter.

you were able to figure it out, i am a double agent. but to fill in the gaps: i work for who ever bids the highest. didn't matter if it was the cia, a civvie, or pantheon. if they got the money, i got the information.

bishop is someone on your team. honest. they contacted me to find them an assassin based in avalon, and so i put them onto dumas. you don't have to worry about that anymore.

now. the pantheon were onto you. and they wanted me to weed you guys out; send them the location of your safehouse for a coordinated attack. it was supposed to happen two days ago @ 02:45. i gave them mine instead to buy you guys some time. i needed to get everything out before they got there. that's why i almost shot you.

i'm a liability to you and your operation, frank. and i don't want to fuck it up for you just so we can be buddy buddy again. me being near you is dangerous. please, i beg you; understand that.

you might be wondering why i'm still here at the rook. the only reason i stayed here is because i promised i'd stay. but if you want me to leave, just say the word. no mess, no fuss.

you're right. i am a bastard. i am a traitor. and you have every fucking right to hate me.

i hate myself for not telling you that i loved you sooner. i should've done that before i got married. and you said that you loved me, right? i'm sorry for letting you down. you deserve much better.

i'll leave the coordinates to my new location on here so you can kill me when i leave if you want. you can have the tech, all i ask is you leave the cat alone

i'm sorry.

am"

[ @a-mason ]

So you’re a payout now?

…

Jesus Christ.

Not surprised about the Pantheon, or Bishop. Would’ve preferred you explaining things a bit earlier, before I tried to fucking strangle you, or you almost shot me, but shit happens, I get it.

I shouldn’t have doubted you. Sure, I’m still a little pissed, but God, Mason, you know I could never really kill you, right? I couldn’t hate you either.

I’ve got more to be sorry for than you, you big bastard.

I guess I’ll try and get some sleep. And I’ll leave the cat alone. Promise.

Love you, too.

[tojiscumdumpster]

CHAPTER SEVEN - TOJI

⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀✧ summary page

Within the next few minutes, I’ll be dead. I knew this the moment I saw that blue-eyed freak reappear after when I thought I killed him. Fucking sorcerers and their cursed technique bullshit. Maybe I was too confident thinking I would win the second time. I doubted myself at first, but then I calmed down… No. 

 I was just too confident.

 A world like this wasn’t meant for a monkey like me. I was born into a fucked up family that treated me like shit because I didn’t have any cursed technique. The scar on my lip reminds me of it every day. I got over it, though. I accepted this was my faith. I served my purpose, and it was time for me to go.

 Still, I can’t help but wish I made it out alive. That I had a little bit more time. 

 “Nah,” I replied, vaguely. 

 How am I supposed to answer some cliché question like that? 

 Any last words?

 Why would I tell him that? 

 Tell him about the thoughts and images that’s in my head.

 Tell him that I had a wife who I actually saw some good in me. Good enough to get pregnant and raise a kid together. Tch, me? Toji Fushiguro? A husband and father? I never thought I would live to see the day. And of course, it didn’t last long. 

 My wife died because of an incurable sickness. I never felt pain before. Not when I’m standing here with half my body blown off. Not when my family tortured me. But the day she died, I felt pain. I didn’t cry. I just felt empty. Felt like I had no reason to be decent anymore. How was I supposed to raise a kid by myself? 

 She told me I was going to be okay. 

 I wasn’t okay. 

 I’m a fucked a person.

 A fucked up father.

 . . . I was never made to be a fucking dad. Me selling my son to my family is better than what I could’ve done for him. It wouldn’t make any difference if I was or was not in his life because I would never be good enough to be a father. . . A person. . . But I met. . . Her.

 In my final moments, I think of my late wife, my son, and—

“Dad!” Megumi’s deafening voice wakes me up. “It’s almost five. We have to go to the store.”

  What the…

 What the fuck was that? 

 Lately my mind has been clogged with thoughts and what feels like memories I used to have. Could never decipher them, but that dream was probably the clearest I had. 

 Me being on the verge of death (wouldn’t be the first time), apparently being killed by some blue-eyed fuck. Giving Megumi away to the Zen’in Family? Like fucking hell. I would endure the shit they put me through every day for the rest of my life knowing it would keep my kid safe. I just don’t understand these dreams I’ve been having.

 Are they signs? Is my judgment day coming where I would have to atone to my sins? Some bad shit about to happen to me? Megumi? I don’t fucking know. 

 I don’t care for karma. I don’t care for faith, destiny, or any of that manifestation bullshit. But I do believe in purpose, and sometimes I feel like I don’t have any. That there isn’t any.

 I’m a dad. For what? To fail my son. I was a husband, had my flaws but shit, I tried. And for what? To lose her only after being parents together for eight years? It was unexpected. Nature calling, and at the moment, I never hated whatever fucking god above so much because they took her away from me. 

 From me and Megumi.

 Please take care of Megumi.

 It’s like I can hear her lecturing me about all the times I had our kid eating take out or having him walk home alone from school. 

 Take care of Megumi. . . Yeah, I’m trying.

 I have to do better.

 I need to.

 The little purpose I have is left for him.

 “If you can’t go anymore, can you at least give me the money so I can go by my-”

 “No,” I interrupted, clearing my throat. “No, let’s go. Sorry, kid. Your old man was dozing off.”

 Here’s another thing about being a parent. Being around other parents who force small talk while their kids go off and buy shit. Because we’re parents, that means we have to share funny stories and randomly show baby photos to people you don’t even fucking know. Why? I don’t know, but I bet the mom next to me that has been talking my ears out for the past fifteen minutes could tell you.

 Having Megumi as my kid means he’s going to have most, if not some, of my traits. One of them being how much of a loner I am that appreciates his space. After my failed attempt to walk around with the kid to maybe have some father-son bonding, I figured I just stand at a comfortable distance and let him do his own thing. 

 No pressure. I’m on his time. Not the other way around.

 Still, me standing alone was not a fucking invitation to talk to me.

 I respect women. I do, but I’m two seconds away from telling her to fuck off in the nicest way possible. 

 Though, I have a reason why she approached me to begin with. 

 How she’s invading my space, trying her hardest for me to look at her tits. The extra pout she gives her lips while talking to me. How she’s still asking me one off questions, despite my vague one word answers.

 She’s looking to get fucked, but she’s just too shy to say it. 

 Attractive for most part. Probably five-foot-ten, maybe in her late thirties. Strong perfume. Hair drops right below her jaw. 

 Hm, not my type. 

 “So, here’s another photo-”

 “Sorry, why are you showing me these again?” I abruptly asked. 

 “I—” she stumbles over her words, pushing her hair back while giving me a timid smile.

 “Seems like you had other reasons.”

 “Like?”

 I shrug. “To get fucked.” I can tell that my brute honesty throws her off a bit, but she gathers herself. 

 “Are you offering?”

 “No.”

 She’s probably taken back by my response. I wouldn’t know because I casually walked away to the next aisle. 

 Back in Tokyo, I gained attention, but in America? The women here look at me like I’m a fucking piece of meat. Not that I don’t mind, but shit. 

 What would help if they didn’t waste both our time with trivial chit chat and just cut straight to the chase. 

 Anyways. 

 Told the kid I’ll be walking around the store if he needs me, and of course he replies with whatever . Like I should be surprised. 

 He’s my son, after all. 

 Pretty packed for a Tuesday night at the store. Guess all the parents are out buying their kids shit, too. While Megumi is getting his supplies together, figured I could go to the meat section to make dinner tonight. Probably hot pot for the kid and offal for me. 

  Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing this parenting shit right. You know, letting Megumi be by himself to buy things while I roam around. Probably not because I see families throughout the store and they look happy, for the most part. 

 The look on their faces, the light conversations they’re having about who knows what. . . I can tell this is going to be one of those fucking nights for me. 

 Remember there was a point in my life where I was content with the small family I created. My wife. Megumi. Living in the shittiest apartment building back in Tokyo and barely making ends meet. 

 I came from a wealthy family. One of the wealthiest in Japan. I was supposed to be a silver spooned brat that was grateful to be born into money, only later to be beaten and emotionally abused, which eventually left me in the streets. 

 And you know after all the shit those Zen’in fucks put me through regardless of the amount of money I had access to, I’d always choose what I had with my wife and my strained relationship with Megumi. 

 But of course, any good that happens to me is only temporary. Can only imagine how long I have left with Megumi until he turns eighteen and moves far away from me if he decides to go to college. 

 Is it wrong for me to wish my kid would cut me some slack? Probably, but that’s not something I would ever ask him. Though, I can fucking admit that it stings how he addresses me has changed over time. 

 Daddy to Papa, now to Dad. Soon he’ll start being formal and shit by calling me father or even my first name. I guess I should be grateful he’s calling me anything at all. 

 Damn, if I liked alcohol, I would’ve said I need a drink right now. Maybe a few. Being in family settings makes me feel the emotion I hate feeling the most. Vulnerability . 

 It makes me feel weak, like I’m pitying myself. I don’t care for pity. I don't care to say I didn’t deserve to experience trauma. It happened. There’s shit I can do about it. No point for me to keep thinking about it. 

 It’s just hard when your son doesn’t even want to be seen with you in public to go school supply shopping. 

 I need to clear my head. 

 Already worked out twice today, and clearly that’s not working. Maybe some pussy. It’s been a while since I last had sex. Maybe I need…

 Y/N .

 Here I am again thinking about her at the most random fucking times. I said I need her. Would I ever tell her that?  Most likely not. 

 How can I tell a woman that I don’t know that I need her? To be around her and have her bubbly personality overshadow my grumpiness. To stare at her in dead silence and think how fucking pretty she is. How good she smells. How can I tell Y/N that? 

 She’s good company. 

 That’s all she is…

 Soon she’ll see I’m no good. 

  “Miss L /N told me you’ve been doing good in class, kid.”

 Been home with Megumi for about two hours now. School shopping is not fucking cheap, to say the least. My job pays well, but the cost of shit in America is still something I’m trying to adjust to, especially in comparison to Japan. 

 Megumi is the only reason why I haven’t gotten broke yet. 

 “Yeah,” he responds flatly.

 I stuff my mouth with a piece of meat. “Want to talk about it?”

 “Not really.”

 “Alright.”

 There goes that loud silence. 

 I continue, trying to keep conversation. “Food's good?” He nods. “Think you got everything you needed for school?”

 “Yes, Dad.” Annoyance fills his voice, making it very clear that I’m bothering him. 

 “Everything’s okay?” I asked. 

 “Can’t we just eat in silence? Why are you forcing conversation?”

 Oh.

 “Sorry, kid. Just trying-”

 Megumi pushes back his chair, standing up with his plate in his hand. “I’m going to my room. Thanks for dinner.”

 What the fuck am I doing wrong?

 I talk, he’s annoyed with me. I don’t talk, I feel like he’s being neglected again. Not sure if I’m giving Megumi too much space or just enough space, but it’s kind of fucking hard when I don’t how he feels. 

 When you come from an abusive family that doesn't know how to give or receive love, it passes onto you and potentially it’ll pass onto your child. 

 That’s what I’m trying to prevent. 

 I was scared as shit when my wife first told me she was pregnant. I mean, how the fuck was I supposed to be a dad? I don't know what it feels like to have one. But I knew I was going to be okay if I had her by my side.

  I’m a fucked up person. . . A fucked up father. 

 “Fuck, I need to take a walk,” I say to myself. 

 I get up to put the leftovers in the oven so I can finish later. Before I walk out the door, I tell Megumi I’m stepping out for a while and guess what he says? 

 Whatever. 

  Patience, Fushiguro. Patience.

  Be kind to yourself, Toji . That’s what Y/N told me the other day. I have messaged or contacted her at all since I got her number yesterday. Maybe I need to talk to her… see her… just for a little bit. 

PREVIOUS CHAPTER | NEXT CHAPTER

discussion question #3 — the more we see toji and megumi's relationship, struggles are shown between them. more so, on toji's part. do you think he should continue making small talk or allow megumi to come around whenever he's ready? looks like toji is afraid to let that happen because he doesn't want megumi to feel neglected. thoughts?

[princess-leaorgana]

What Tieflings Do Chptr 5

Summary: After the takedown of The Absolute, Zelphie finds her city in need of more help and her home destroyed. She won't stop helping, but who can help her?

Rolan x Tav (Zelphie; ~30y.o AFAB, Sorcerer, Tiefling, not really described physically on purpose <3)

M/F

Author's Note: I fucking love tielfings. Along with this being a budding romance/smut/fluff/word vomit fanfiction, it's also my case study in DnD 5e tieflings, how they act, what sets them apart from humans and devils and elves. That being said, I have a few artistic liberties in here as well where I couldn't find a straight answer, if you'll amuse me.

Warnings - Spoilers for Baldur's Gate 3, smut and way too much domestic fluff. WAY TOO MUCH. Have your dentist on fucking speed dial, I can't reign her in boys. Genuinely, if you don't like self-serving fluff, you're going to hate this and me. Love you, you little biscottis.

Chapter One Two Three Four

Rolan was not a sound sleeper. He tossed and turned in his sleep and Zelphie wasn’t much better. She stole his pillow sometime in the middle of the night. Rolan was very early to rise, Zelphie wasn’t so much. It wasn’t nice for her to wake up alone that morning and she groaned and stretched. She sat up with a yawn, looking around.

‘Rolan?’ She called, hoping that he was maybe just in the washroom, but she heard nothing. She frowned and looked at her bedside table. Her frown disappeared instantly. A glass and pitcher of water, a little note and a black water lily had been placed there. She grinned to herself and picked up the pretty flower, her favorite, just as she had told him last night. This was a lovely way to wake up. She reached for the note and laid back on her pillow.

My sleeping darling,

Waking up next to you in the morning, the dawn’s warm glow on your rosy skin, it made it very hard to pull myself from bed. With every fiber of my being, I did, for I have a lot to do today, and the sooner it is all done, the sooner I can return to our privacy. I will be having my normal breakfast with Lia and Cal and I will inform them of our new found adoration for each other. I don’t believe I can face them without telling them the full truth, you’ll have to forgive me, but we never keep things from each other. When you wake, please take your time, bathe, drink your tea, play with little Lajy, have your breakfast, move whatever items you’d like of yours into this room. 

I’ll consider all of what I own to be yours. If it would bring you joy, you may have it. 

I will be attending the shop when you are ready, but please, come as you would like. If you would like. I would like you to.

-R

Zelphie had never received a cute little letter from a partner before. Not like this one. She bit her lip and looked around the room. Lajy had made his way up on the bed and was snoozing by her feet. She reached over and picked the kitten up. He lazily snuggled on her chest and neck and Zelphie drank a glass of water. After the drinking and physical activities last night, she would do very well to hydrate.

Once she was a little more awake, she got ready for the morning, having to, unfortunately, go across the hall to grab some clothing for the day. She would help down in the shop, dressing nicely for customers. And maybe for Rolan. A purple wrap dress and black slippers it was. Plus one little accessory. She wore her hair in a bun and placed the black lily on the side of it. She preened a little more, and her and Lajy walked down to the kitchen for breakfast. No elementals were to be found, but someone was. Cal. He was cooking. Zelphie went bright red, knowing it was very likely Cal knew about last night by now. She cleared her throat and Cal turned around. His eyes widened when he saw Zelphie.

‘Well well well,’ he said and leaned on the counter he was working at, crossing his arms. ‘Couldn’t just be set with a room in a wizard’s tower, had to give its master a ride for his money, hm?’ He asked playfully, but Zelphie would have rather been executed. Cal laughed at her and shook his head. ‘I mean FINALLY Zelphie. The two of you, ever since Last Light Inn, Lia and I have been making bets on when you two would finally get over your stubbornness and you know…’ he said and bobbed his head. Zelphie frowned, this was just as torturous as she thought it would be.

‘How does everyone know?’ She asked and he laughed. He pointed at her middle.

‘Your tail, his tail. Both of you go full primitive when you see each other, it’s-‘ he stopped when he looked at the ground. ‘Is that a cat?’ He asked and Zelphie looked down at Lajy. He was sniffing around the kitchen.

‘Yes, Lajy, I found him yesterday,’ she said and Cal laughed.

‘Anything else? Had a romp with my brother, adopt a cat and name it love, wedding bells next? Or am I going to be an uncle?’ He teased and Zelphie scoffed.

‘Please don’t,’ she whined a little and walked over to pour herself some coffee.

‘Come on, give me a little something, do you know how many people Rolan used to bring back home to meet us?’ He asked and Zelphie glanced at him. She would very much like to know the answer to that question. ‘Not exactly many. I think three,’ he said and Zelphie went back to her coffee. ‘So, I never got to experience teasing him over it like all brothers usually do, I’ll stop, I promise. Well. Teasing you,’ he said and went back to cooking. He was baking a pie of some sort.

‘Don’t tease him too much, though…oh I do like him grumpy,’ she said and sipped her coffee.

‘I knew you were my favorite,’ Cal said and laughed.

‘But if you are nice to your brother…I’ll have Astarion over for tea later tonight. If you…would like that,’ she said and Cal froze and glanced at her.

‘You…you would?’ He asked and she giggled, nodding.

‘I think he likes you,’ she said and opened the ice box and found a few cubes of beef for Lajy to eat. She fixed him a bowl of water and beef and set it on the floor. The kitten ran right over and began to devour the meat. ‘I’m going to the shop, how angry is Lia at me?’ She asked and Cal wrinkled his nose.

‘You will receive a lecture, but she’s not angry. Just, protective,’ he warned her and Zelphie nodded.

‘Thank you for the warning,’ she said and walked out of the kitchen with her coffee to use the portal to Sorcerer’s Sundries. She’d like to get the fight with Lia over and done with. Cal always softened blows, he would never warn her that Lia was actually angry at her. He was a pacifist and never saw the bad side of anything or anyone.

The store was busy, it was morning and that was the busiest it ever was. Rolan was leaning his hand against the large counter in the middle of the shop, talking with a woman who was dressed very finely. Zelphie walked over to the pair, but her arm was caught instead and she was pulled away.

‘No no, you are coming with me.’ Lia had seen her before anyone else did. Zelphie obeyed and followed Lia to the back of the shop, knowing a scolding was on its way.

‘Lia, please, I haven’t even finished my coffee,’ Zelphie told her, begging for her to have some mercy. Lia held up a quick hand.

‘First and foremost, between a powerful wizard and a world saving sorcerer, one of the two of you could be decent enough to know a spell that will silence your bedrooms from the rest of the tower,’ she said and Zelphie almost passed out.

‘You could hear us?’ She asked and Lia nodded. Zelphie placed her hand over her face, now refusing to look at Lia.

‘Secondly, promise me you won’t hurt him,’ she continued and Zelphie froze. After a second she lowered her hand. Lia was staring at her. ‘If you hurt him, Zelphie, I promise you I will hurt you back,’ she said and Zelphie nodded.

‘You don’t need to threaten me, I would never hurt him. I love him,’ she said and glanced back over at the counter. Rolan was still talking with that woman. ‘I know a lot of people have hurt him and taken advantage of him, I know it’s your job to protect him, but I’m not a threat, Lia, I promise you that,’ she said and looked back at her friend. Lia’s face softened a bit and she nodded.

‘Well, now that I’ve gotten that out of my system, I’m happy,’ she said and Zelphie smiled a little. ‘I know this sounds silly after what I just said, but…I know you’ll be good to him, you’ll be patient with him. He needs someone like you,’ she said and Zelphie’s smile only grew.

‘Thank you, Lia, that means a lot,’ she said and Lia walked closer and hugged her.

‘Just don’t be too gross in front of Cal and me, or the customers,’ she said and Zelphie laughed.

‘How gross is too gross?’ She asked and Lia laughed, nudging her.

‘Come on, you didn’t meet Satah yesterday, come and meet Rolan’s new apprentice,’ she said and nodded at the counter. Zelphie followed Lia to the counter, her heart beating a little harder than normal. Rolan was still talking but caught Lia and Zelphie in his eyeline and grinned up at them.

‘Ah! And here is the rest of my family, Satah. You met Cal and Lia yesterday, this is Zelphie,’ Rolan said and Zelphie nervously smiled at the woman. Beautiful elf with hazelnut skin and long braids. Satah turned and smiled, holding out her hand to greet Zelphie.

‘Goodness! What a big family you have, it’s wonderful to meet another one of Rolan’s sisters,’ she said and Lia snorted a laugh. Zelphie froze a little, though why the hells Rolan introduced her as family was beyond her.

‘Oh, I’m sorry, no, Zelphie isn’t my sister, she’s my wife,’ he said, though that was absolutely not correct and Zelphie could only hear a faint ringing. Twelve hours ago, they hadn’t even kissed. Now they are married. What was happening to her? Was she awake?

‘Oh! Oh, I’m sorry, of course! Master Rolan told me about you yesterday, I didn’t know you were married, ha! Oh that’s so sweet, well, it’s lovely to meet you all the same,’ she said and Zelphie nodded.

‘Lovely to meet you as well, Satah. Rolan is very particular when it comes to everything in his life, so naturally, you must be incredibly talented to make it through him,’ Zelphie managed and let go of the woman’s hand.

‘Satah, let me show you the basement really quickly, I’m sure Rolan’s been talking your ear off and you should get a tour first,’ Lia said, taking Satah’s arm to give Rolan and Zelphie some privacy after that insane moment. Satah and Lia left and Zelphie looked up at Rolan who was just smiling at her.

‘Your wife?’ She asked and Rolan frowned a little.

‘Yes, uhm….I-uhm…I didn’t know what else to call you,’ he fumbled and cleared his throat. ‘I’ll clear it up, I promise. I’m sorry,’ he said and Zelphie’s heart melted a little.

‘Don’t apologize, just warn me before we get married,’ she told him and he stifled a little chuckle. ‘I’d like to dress better,’ she added and he laughed.

‘You look very nice this morning,’ he said politely and she grinned.

‘You’ve seen me in better,’ she told him, a little flirt and he went bright red.

‘Hush hush, not in front of the customers,’ he told her with a grin.

‘Why not? Aren’t married couples supposed to flirt a little?’ She teased him and he hushed her again, getting a little visibly annoyed, sending her into a giggle fit. ‘Alright, alright, get back to work, Master Rolan,’ she said and turned away from him to find someone to help on the floor. Luckily for both of them the store was very busy. Cal showed up to help as best he could. He had done a great job of memorizing how the store was stocked. He would ask a million questions a day, but once either Zelphie or Rolan or even Satah specified what the customer wanted, he knew exactly where to go looking.

‘So, Lia told me you are the reason for the ending of the apocalypse.’ Zelphie was showing Satah around as the place slowed down a little. Zelphie figured she would get to know the woman a little more. She did seem very nice and very knowledgeable.

‘Me and a lot of other people,’ Zelphie corrected her and Satah laughed.

‘She also warned me you were humble to a fault. I think she’s right,’ she said and Zelphie smirked. ‘Still, not even your powerful husband was by your side, he was here, wasn’t he manning the towers? I would have been terrified  if I didn’t have my wife by my side during that,’ she said and there were about four things Zelphie wanted to ask there, but she settled on one.

‘You’re married?’ She asked and Satah nodded.

‘Yes, with two little ones as well, Gemma always says, one for her, one for me. Both boys,’ she said and Zelphie grinned.

‘That’s lovely,’ she said and Satah nodded.

‘Most lovely that I still have all of them,’ she said and placed a hand on Zelphie’s shoulder, a very kind touch. ‘Thank you for saving them,’ she said and Zelphie’s eyes widened. No matter how many people thanked her as she went through her day, it still shocked her and made her freeze.

‘I’m really happy you still have them,’ she said and nodded. ‘Not a lot of people can say the same, I’m afraid,’ she said and Satah nodded, letting her hand down.

‘I know I’m very lucky, thank you all the same,’ she said and Zelphie nodded.

‘It’s…I’m happy that I could have helped them,’ she settled on. A moment passed between her and Satah and she sighed. ‘I’m sorry if this is strange, but Rolan introduced me as his wife, I’m…I’m not his wife,’ she said and Satah’s green eyes widened.

‘Oh?’ She asked and Zelphie laughed a little.

‘I don’t…know why he said that. We uhm, we just started to see each other romantically, even though we have known each other for a while, and he just…likes his own privacy. I think referring to me as his lover or something like that would have made him feel strange. Though, I would beg that calling me his spouse has made things much more strange,’ she explained and Satah laughed a little.

‘I’m sorry if that was awkward for you this morning, then,’ she said and Zelphie grinned.

‘The entire last six months have been awkward for me, that wasn’t really anything.’ The day continued, everyone took turns showing Satah around and just before dinner, she left and the shop closed for the evening.

‘Zelphie, you got a package today,’ Cal called as he was tidying the front counter.

‘Oh?’ Zelphie looked up as her mage hand put some books away on a high shelf. She walked over and saw a large package. She inspected it and smiled. ‘Oh! Well, what on earth did he send me?’ She wondered out loud. The package came from Waterdeep, and she only knew one person from there. She opened the letter and grinned.

Dearest Zelphie,

It has only been a few days, but it feels like all that we have lived through together was a lifetime ago, now that I’m back home. I have heard from a little birdie who will remain nameless that you have moved to Ramazith’s Tower and I am delighted to hear that news. Take advantage of your luxury. A wizard’s tower is homey and comforting, but it is a place of academic achievement and you will only get better by reading and watching Rolan as your teacher as he helps you really hone in on your magical talents. Please warn him not to teach you anything involving electricity, I would be remiss if I didn’t warn him what you’re capable of. My tunic still has that singe from our last lesson.

Please have Rolan accept these back, I feel awfully guilty that I still have them, as I meant to give them back before I left North. They are one of a kinds and I will admit they are hard to hand back over, but that knowledge should be shared, and I have already used them. I know Rolan will put them to better use and more responsible a man than never was.

Please keep in touch, Zelphie. I was very very glad for that short, bleak moment in my life, to call you a friend.

-Gale Dekarios

Zelphie smiled through the note and placed it on the counter. She opened the package and laughed. Three books, all glowing with a purple protection spell on them. 

‘Rolan!’ She called happily and Rolan came over from the back counter. ‘Rolan! Gale sent these, they were in the shop before, oh my goodness, I can’t believe he sent them back,’ she said and handed him one. Once she touched one, the spell disappeared. Rolan raised an eyebrow, reading the binding.

‘The Annals of Karsus?’ He asked and looked at her. ‘This was here?’ He asked and Zelphie nodded.

‘Yes, keep that locked away, further than where it was originally,’ she warned him. Cal looked into the box and pulled out a second book and hissed and dropped it. The book had bitten him.

‘What in the hells?’ He asked and Zelphie giggled, picking up the book and handing it to Rolan, the spell also fading as she did.

‘Don’t touch the magic books, Cal,’ she told him and pulled out the last one. This one had not come from the shop, but it might as well have stayed with the second book, The Necromancy of Thay. Rolan frowned when he was handed that particular book, as would anyone that had to look at that ugly thing.

‘Well, he has my thanks, if I were an intelligent person, I might have these burned, but I’ll keep these safe,’ he said and Zelphie grinned at him. She handed him the letter to read, very happy that the two might now connect.

‘That book looks evil,’ Lia said, looking at the necromancy book.

‘It is,’ Zelphie warned her and looked up at Rolan. ‘Profane knowledge, but knowledge, nonetheless,’ she said and Rolan nodded.

‘I’ll put it under the cannons,’ he said and Zelphie smirked.

The four finished cleaning up the shop and went home. After a bit of an awkward dinner, Lia stole the family’s new kitten and Cal followed her. Lia had told Cal about Rolan’s earlier slip up, calling Zelphie his wife and he would not allow that subject to go. Sibling teasing would never be something anyone could age out of, apparently. As they left, Rolan looked at Zelphie and sighed.

‘So,’ he began and played with his wine goblet a little. ‘Uhm,’ he continued and Zelphie giggled a little at him.

‘Yes?’ She asked him and he clicked his tongue.

‘I’m sorry, I don’t know exactly how to navigate this. Behaving and being civil all day for show after a night of…not behaving,’ he said and Zelphie grinned.

‘You think all of that was behaving?’ She asked and he frowned, making her laugh. ‘I’m sorry, but if Cal can tease you, I’m entitled to a little. I did tell Satah the truth, just so you know. I couldn’t help it, she started to tell me about her family and I felt as though I should tell her that we aren’t there ourselves, it felt natural to tell her,’ she explained and he nodded.

‘I am very sorry, I genuinely thought that was the most intelligent route. But it’s no matter, I don’t think I’ll be keeping her, to be honest,’ he said and Zelphie frowned.

‘Why not?’

‘She lied, she’s not a wizard, she’s a cleric of Mystra,’ he explained and sipped his wine.

‘Well, maybe she can’t be your apprentice, but wouldn’t you want to keep her around? A cleric of Mystra would be a good asset,’ she told him and he shook his head.

‘Ramazith’s Tower will no longer hold siege to people who lie for their own benefit. You are right, if she had told me about herself honestly the first time, I would have still hired her, but she lied. She lied to get what she wanted, and I don’t believe I can tolerate anyone else lying to me,’ he went on and Zelphie frowned.

‘Give her a second chance?’ She asked and Rolan sighed.

‘I will think about it,’ he answered and Zelphie nodded, knowing that was the best she could get.

‘Though, I’m glad. I can still be your apprentice, if you’ll still have me,’ she said and a smile grew on Rolan’s face.

‘If I’ll still have you? Oh, the understatement of the century, my dear,’ he said and she grinned at him.

The couple left for Rolan’s study. It was a strange room, dummies for targets, ritual circles on the floor, a static feeling of the Weave all around the room. There weren’t so many books here, making it seem very out of place for the tower. This was where Rolan studied spells and would teach Zelphie when he had the patience. Zelphie was not exactly a good student. Days of teaching her basic illusionary tricks had proven that to him. She was too nervous to perform properly and would be distracted by those nerves. But he would do it, he would make a wizard out of his little sorcerer.

‘Alright, feet about shoulders’ length apart,’ he said and watched her. ‘Toes straight out,’ he said and walked around her as she fixed her posture. She watched him and he kept checking her. ‘Don’t look at me,’ he told her and she looked forward. It was hard to follow his direction of ‘pretend he wasn’t here’ and also take direction from him. He walked closer to her and plucked the lily from her bun, handing it to her. ‘Look at it, memorize it,’ he told her and she held the flower delicately in her hand. A black lily, her favorite flower. That would make this easier. She memorized the deep color, the little spots, the pollinator, the stem, all of it. Even how it weighed in her hand. ‘Do you have it?’ He asked softly and she nodded. Rolan snapped his hands and the lily fizzled in a static purple cloud and she gasped. The lily she had been wearing all day hadn’t been real. It was Rolan’s magic, how powerful was he? ‘Close your eyes, find harmony, and repeat the somatic component when you are focused,’ he said softly.

Zelphie took in a deep breath, picturing the flower in her mind. The black, spotted petals, the green stem, the orange pollinators. She found peace in the moment, remembering waking up to see the flower, hoping that joy and memory would serve her well. She muttered the incantation and she felt something tickle her fingers. She opened her eyes and Rolan shouted a happy cry.

‘Zelphie!’ He shouted and grabbed her shoulders happily. ‘Look at that! Ha!’ He cheered happily. ‘She can be taught! With the help of a professional of course,’ he said, he was so happy, but Zelphie frowned when she saw what she had created. Six black leaves. Was it an improvement? Yes. But she had hoped with his excitement for perfection. Or at least a flower.

‘Rolan, this isn’t anything,’ she said and the leaves fizzled away. Rolan shook his head.

‘No! You are brilliant!’ He took her face in his hands and kissed her squarely.  That shocked her, this behavior wasn’t very like him, but he was happy. ‘This is much better than you zapping me,’ he said. Yes, he was very happy indeed. She smiled at him and nodded. ‘I’m so proud of you,’ he continued and her smile grew instantly. Her tail thumped happily against the floor.

‘You are?’ She asked, feeling like she was melting in his hands.

‘Of course I am! That is a terrific improvement, you made organic material, my darling you are brilliant,’ he said and kissed her forehead. She laughed happily, very happy for his joy, it was contagious. He was proud of her, oh there was nothing better for her. The joy in his eyes, the yellow glow buried by his happy smiling cheeks.

‘Can we try again?’ She asked and he nodded happily.

The couple worked very hard for the next few hours until Zelphie was getting delusional. No lily was summoned that evening, but she did at one point summon a sunflower. It faded quickly, and Zelphie was a little upset that she couldn’t play with it, but she was very happy. Rolan was beside himself with joy and rang for tea.

‘You, oh you, you will get quite the treat, oh what shall we do to celebrate your victory?’ He asked her and sat on a little chaise and she followed, sitting down close to him. Her tail curled up behind him.

‘Oh, I can think of something,’ she told him softly and he chuckled, leaning close to her.

‘Mmm, that will be my reward for my wonderful teaching, you deserve your own treat,’ he purred and she got a shiver up her spine. ‘Something sweet for you, hm? What would my darling like?’ He asked, brushing a stray hair from her face. She laughed at him, he was being very sweet.

‘What? Like a cake?’ She asked and he shrugged.

‘If that is what you would like,’ he said and leaned over, pouring them some tea. Zelphie thought about it for a moment, feeling a little silly. Like a child being treated after a chore well done.

‘Could I ask for something even more childish than that?’ She asked and he laughed, handing her her cup.

‘You can ask for whatever you’d like,’ he told her and leaned back on the chaise, ready for her request.

‘Tonight…before we sleep…oh, well, uhm,’ she laughed and shook her head. ‘Could we sleep together again tonight?’ She asked and he smirked.

‘Is that what you want? That’s not a treat my darling, that’s a given,’ he told her. She smiled and shook her head.

‘No, I was just hoping you would be open to it, sharing your bed again, I don’t want to be clingy,’ she told him and he laughed. He pulled at her tail that was coiled around him. ‘Sorry,’ she said with a smile and he shook his head.

‘You aren’t going to apologize for that, oh Zelphie, no. No, darling, I don’t want you to get the wrong idea of how I’m feeling. I’m very happy, I want you to be with me as much as possible. Honestly, I can’t get enough of you,’ he told her and grinned. She felt sillier than she had just a moment ago. ‘I wrote you that note this morning, and I meant it. My bed is no longer mine, it’s ours. If you want to have your privacy, you still have your room, I’m not taking that from you, but if you want to sleep beside me tonight and tomorrow and the next day and the next, I’m very happy with that,’ he told her and she sipped her tea, her heart spinning.

‘I’m not used to all of this,’ she said and he smirked. ‘I just…’ she sighed and shrugged. ‘Never been loved so much,’ she said and he shook his head.

‘I don’t believe that, that can’t be right,’ he said and she shook her head.

‘No one has ever treated me like you treat me, Rolan. Nothing like this, and I’m afraid it’ll be over soon,’ she said and his face softened a little.

‘Why would it be over?’ He asked and she shrugged.

‘When you get tired of me,’ she said and he scowled.

‘Zelphie, if you are going to think like that, you’re going to be miserable. You think that I don’t fear that as well?’ He asked and she frowned and sipped her tea again, a little nervous about this conversation. ‘Life may happen, but I’m not just having fun with you here. I care about you very very much. If I ever give you cause to doubt that, tell me, for I’m misrepresenting myself,’ he told her and she nodded. ‘And until you tell me to stop, I’m going to show you just how much you mean to me every single day,’ he said and she opened her mouth to protest, but he held up his hand. ‘We will start with you telling me how you would like to be rewarded for your hard work tonight,’ he continued and sipped his tea. She just looked at him for a moment, happy. That was it, happy, content, safe.

‘I was hoping before we sleep you could..maybe read to me,’ she suggested and his eyebrows shot up. ‘I uhm, saw the book on your nightstand and I felt bad that you didn’t have time to read last night. And Rolan…I really love your voice,’ she said and he went deep red at that compliment. ‘It’s so soft and low…I don’t know, I just think it would be a nice way to fall asleep,’ she said and he nodded.

‘Then you will have it,’ he told her simply and sipped his tea.

‘And what would you like for your efforts?’ She asked and he chuckled.

‘You know exactly what I’d like,’ he said softly and Zelphie giggled.

‘That’s not fair, I was going to give you that anyway,’ she told him and he grinned.

‘That’s all that I desire,’ he told her simply. Their tea was finished very quickly after that.

The couple walked to Rolan’s bedroom and outside the door, scratching to get in was Lajy. Zelphie scooped him up and gave the little kitten kisses and rubs. Rolan led her inside and Zelphie placed Lajy on the sofa. The kitten hopped down to run around the room and explore. Rolan walked around to change and Lajy took to chasing Rolan’s tail. That made Rolan laugh, which Zelphie was very happy for.

‘I should have done what you suggested and brought my clothes in here,’ she said and Rolan looked up at her and he undressed.

‘Only do what you are comfortable with,’ he told her, reassuring her that his suggestion was permission, not a request.

‘I think it will be easier, maybe not all of my clothing, but at least a few nightgowns,’ she said and sat in the bed. Rolan smiled and thumbed through his wardrobe and picked up a white shirt. He walked over to her and placed it on the bed next to her.

‘Maybe not as flattering, but maybe this will do for tonight,’ he told her. She ran her fingers over the shirt and smiled. Wearing his shirt to bed was certainly a nice thought. As she looked at the shirt, Rolan looked at her. He reached out and played with a loose lock of hair that had fallen from her bun earlier. ‘I liked the lily in your hair today, it was very pretty,’ he told her and she smiled at him.

‘Thank you for making it for me…that…was incredibly thoughtful,’ she said and bit her bottom lip. He smiled, a little pride on his lips. ‘One thing to go and have one fetched, it’s another thing entirely that you made it for me,’ she continued and he nodded and laughed.

‘Don’t expect all your gifts to be manufactured by magic. Or some of them will surely disappear,’ he told her, running his fingers from her hair down her face.

‘All of my gifts?’ She asked him and he grinned. ‘Oh, no no, no gifts. I’ve been given enough,’ she told him and he laughed.

‘That request is denied,’ he told her. She wrinkled her nose at him. Along with everything else, Zelphie was not easy to accept gifts. Rolan should be used to that by now. ‘Request,’ he repeated and lowered his face to hers. ‘Denied.’ He kissed her sweetly, stroking her chin with his thumb. She kissed him back happily, thumping from her tail on the bed could be heard. She placed a hand on the leather belt that kept his robes fashioned to him. She untied the strings and once the belt hit the floor, Rolan quickly shuffled the thick fabric off on his shoulders. He stood in a wrap shirt and trousers and Zelphie leaned back in the bed to get a little look at him. The disconnect of the kiss made Rolan stand up straight and place his hands on his hips. ‘What?’ He asked as she continued to stare at him.

‘Turn around,’ she said and twirled her finger in the air. He raised an eyebrow but after a beat he sighed and did as she asked. She took one more moment to look at his back. He had such a strong figure, not the usual when looking at the body of a wizard. His broad shoulders sloped delicately to his strong waist. She pulled on the strings of his trousers, just above his tail. His tail wrapped around her calf and she grinned. She loved when he did that, whether he meant to or it was instinct. She liked being wanted, being claimed by him. He pulled down his pants, Zelphie gave his taught little backside a pinch. He yelped and turned around and she laughed. ‘I’m sorry, you’ve got a very cute bum,’ she told him and he shook his head.

‘That’s the second word you’ve used on me that I don’t like,’ he said with a playful smile. ‘Silly? Cute? Me? No, no absolutely not,’ he told her and she laughed. He unwrapped his shirt and she got off the bed, undressing herself.

‘Go sit on the bed,’ she told him, untying her dress. He did as he was told, stark naked and just watched her. She glanced at him when she heard his tail thump on the bed just as hers did earlier. That made her heartbeat hard. Once she was down to nothing, she walked over to him and knelt down. ‘Now, a treat for my very hardworking and patient professor,’ she said, holding his cock gently in her hand. He moaned lightly and she kissed his inner thighs, stroking him very gently as his erection grew. After the initial shock, his hands found her hair, untying her bun to let her hair down. He ran his fingers through it. She kissed and licked the ridges of his thighs, they were terribly tight. She would give him a massage later. 

‘My beauty, nothing compares to you,’ he whispered as he whimpered a little. She licked up his length and he sighed out a very happy purr, stroking her hair. ‘This…this is worth everything I’ve ever gone through,’ he continued and she looked up at him with big eyes and he smiled. ‘I love you, I treasure you,’ he spoke before she took him in her mouth. That was the sort of praise Zelphie wanted to hear. A compliment on her magic was nice, but hearing Rolan talk to her like that as she was doing everything she could to please him was just blissful. She wanted to make him selfishly happy. She wanted to be of use, she wanted to be a positive light for him. Never a burden, she didn’t want presents and accolades. She wanted to make him happy. He hissed a little and laughed, watching her. She slowly bobbed up and down, sucking in as she went up, twirling her tongue around the head of his cock. ‘The most wonderful person I have ever met, the most beautiful woman any have ever laid eyes on and she’s on her knees in front of me, lips on my…cock,’ he said, clearly not comfortable with that language. He shuddered another moan and leaned back in his elbow and watched her, his hand in her hair.

Zelphie moved a little quicker, adding her hand to the base and he free hand stroked and cupped his balls. If he was going to keep praising her like that, he should expect her to over perform. She wanted him to be selfish that night. Was she ready for sex, to be touched? Of course, but he deserved to just be taken care of, to be worshiped. She was very happy hearing his swear and moan and whine under her touch and tongue. She watched his face and his chest rise, and his eyes never left her face. Timidly, he grabbed one of her horns and applied a little pressure, asking for permission. She cooed in response, so she never stopped her task, but gave him permission to move her. He knew what he liked, she wanted him to show her.

‘How deep can you…?’ He asked, pushing her head down, her mouth taking more of him and stopped at her hand. She breathed through her nose as he kept her steady. ‘Move your hand, my love, just one deep one,’ he asked softly and she took in another deep breath, removed her hands and moved further down. She gagged lightly and stopped moving. He groaned in pleasure and pulled her up. ‘Oh very good, that’s my girl,’ he said and she went down again, just before that gag. ‘Oh fuck, fuck Zelphie, you’ll make quick work of me,’ he panted. That only encouraged her. She kept going, pushing the feeling in the back of her throat away by closing her eyes and focusing on her breathing. She wanted Rolan to lose control, to feel the bliss of an orgasm so quickly. Up and down, breathing through her nose, listening to his cries, she placed her free hand on his chest, bracing herself. ‘Darling, I’m-I’m going…’ he warned her and she added her hand back, determined to make this moment perfect for him. He cried out again and she could taste him. She swallowed his salty and sour cum quickly and lapped up the rest like a cat. ‘Oh…gods dammit Zelphie,’ he said and laid back on the bed, panting. She giggled and kissed his pulsing cock happily, very proud of herself. He leaned up after a little breathing break and looked at her. Her tail was curled up, mischievous and proud, as was her face. She had on a wicked little smile and he shook his head. What was he thinking? He looked dazed. ‘You know exactly how to unravel me,’ he said and she giggled again.

‘Are you happy?’ She asked and he laughed loudly.

‘To quote you from last night, that is a terrible word for how I am feeling, but yes, I am happy,’ he told her and reached down his hand to stroke her face. ‘Off your knees, my love, come up with me,’ he told her and she got up, her knees cracking a little. He pulled her into his lap and grinned up at her. He placed a hand on her back, the other on her backside. ‘Surely, that kind of behavior deserves a little something,’ he told her and she wrapped her arms around his neck. With a strength she didn’t understand, he scooted up further on the bed, taking her with him. He laid back and she wiggled in his lap. ‘Uh uh, no, that is sensitive, you’ve sucked the life out of me,’ he told her and she howled with a laugh. ‘But I still have other parts of me you can find use in,’ he whispered, rubbing her thighs. His thumb ran over a little bite marked on her thigh that he had left on her last night, his little brand. He glanced at it and then looked back up at her. ‘Scoot up,’ he ordered and patted her bottom. She moved up his torso and received another little pat. She moved once more and got another pat. She laughed.

‘Where am I going?’ She asked and he grinned at her, not responding, but just patted her backside again. She scooted up to his chest and she got another pat. ‘Rolan!’ She squeaked when she got one last pat. ‘I’m going to suffocate you,’ she told him with a laugh.

‘I’d like for you to try,’ he said and patted her backside a little more firmly. She stared down at him. ‘Come come, I want to taste you,’ he said, his voice and tone perfectly pleasant considering what he was suggesting. ‘Don’t make me beg,’ he said, swatting her backside. She squealed and then bit her lip, looking down at him.

‘Are you sure?’ She asked and he nodded.

‘I insist, come come, be greedy,’ he said and she wiggled a little, not sure if what he was suggesting was entirely safe for him. How would he breathe? She moved a little and he was able to hook his arms under her thighs and finally push her over his face. She hovered delicately and he took out a nice deep breath. Her body shivered from his hot breath and she felt his arm constricting, pulling her further down. Finally, down not even an inch and she felt his tongue. He wasn’t going slow and she moaned, feeling his greedy tongue already lapping at her clit.

‘Oh my gods, Rolan,’ she breathed and she felt him laughing against her. Her back arched as she got used to this position. Rolan’s very skilled tongue made quick work of her. It was enough for her to be in this position, sitting just above his face. She looked down, his face pressed between her thighs, she watched him, his strong brow bone furrowed in concentration, his eyes closed. He was devastating to watch. She cursed and rocked her hips against him and his arms pulled her down. His tongue was pressed hard against her and she almost doubled over. Damn him, damn him for being so selfless. She leaned over, not able to keep herself upright. ‘Oh! Oh!’ She cried and moaned. She sat back up, knowing full well he would not be able to breathe with her on him like that. His hands moved from her thighs to her backside, helping her grind against him. 

His nails dug into the skin of her backside and she whimpered. She placed a hand over her mouth to keep quiet. His tongue made quick work on her clit, she felt herself dripped and could hear him lapping her juices. He moaned against her and her hips twitched. He laughed against her and she twitched again. He was making quick work of her. She looked down at him and his yellow eyes flashed up at her, a hungry stare. That was it.

‘I’m cumming, I’m going to cum,’ she whimpered and his tongue moved from her clit to her opening quickly, allowing her to properly ride out her orgasm. ‘Oh fuck,’ she whispered and she heard Rolan laugh, muffled of course. Her hips bucked as the pulsating orgasm rang from her spine to her hips and thighs.

She got right off of him and he sat up in his elbows, wiping his face with the back of his hand. He was a mess. His face was deep red, covered in her juices, his hair was undone, but he looked incredibly happy.

‘Are you alright? Did I squish you?’ She asked and he laughed again.

‘I’m on cloud nine,’ he said and sat up, kissing her deeply. She could taste herself on his lips. ‘You are wonderful, so beautiful the way you sing for me,’ he said and kissed her again, leaning her back in the bed. He pressed his nose to hers, she laid back on their pillows. ‘I love you,’ he whispered and she made eye contact with him through loving and lustful eyes.

‘I love you more,’ she whispered back and leaned up to kiss him again. The couple laid with each other, just kissing, touching. Zelphie had hoped he might get hard one last time, but just kisses and touches for now. She would survive. He calmed down a little and rolled over, sighing out and Zelphie scooted close to him, kissing his shoulder. He leaned over and grabbed his book and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close.

‘Are you sure you’d like to hear me read this?’ He asked and she laughed, nodding. His hand found her hair and he began to lightly pet it. Her damned horns got in the way of a proper cuddle, but she curled up against him as best she could. In a low, soft register, Rolan began to read from his book, a chapter on the anatomy of a displacer beast. She wasn’t the biggest fan of an anatomy lesson, but with Rolan’s fingers stroking her hair and his beautifully deep voice and slow breathing, Zelphie was put to peace very quickly. She rubbed tiny circles on his chest and Rolan stopped reading once he felt her stop and grow heavy. He looked down at her and placed his book on the side table mindlessly. He repositioned himself to be on his side, as he liked to. He almost lost an eye when Zelphie rolled over to her other side. He wrapped an arm around her hips and even though light helped him sleep, he fell asleep quickly with his face buried in her hair.

[kvetchlandia]

Poet Delmore Schwartz, New York City Uncredited and Undated Photograph

O Delmore how I miss you. You inspired me to write. You were the greatest man I ever met. You could capture the deepest emotions in the simplest language. Your titles were more than enough to raise the muse of fire on my neck. You were a genius. Doomed.

The mad stories. O Delmore I was so young. I believed so much. We gathered around you as you read Finnegans Wake. So hilarious but impenetrable without you. You said there were few things better in life than to devote oneself to Joyce. You’d annotated every word in the novels you kept from the library. Every word.

And you said you were writing “The Pig’s Valise.” O Delmore no such thing. They looked, after your final delusion led you to a heart attack in the Hotel Dixie. Unclaimed for three days. You—one of the greatest writers of our era. No valise.

You wore the letter from T.S. Eliot next to your heart. His praise of In Dreams. Would that you could have stopped that wedding. No good will come of this!!! You were right. You begged us—Please don’t let them bury me next to my mother. Have a party to celebrate moving from this world hopefully to a better one. And you Lou—I swear—and you know if anyone could I could—you Lou must never write for money or I will haunt you.

I’d given him a short story. He gave me a B. I was so hurt and ashamed. Why haunt talentless me? I was the walker for “The Heavy Bear Who Goes With Me.” To literary cocktails. He hated them. And I was put in charge. Some drinks later—his shirt undone—one tail front right hanging—tie skewed, fly unzipped. O Delmore. You were so beautiful. Named for a silent movie star dancer Frank Delmore. O Delmore—the scar from dueling with Nietzsche.

Reading Yeats and the bell had rung but the poem was not over you hadn’t finished reading—liquid rivulets sprang from your nose but still you would not stop reading. I was transfixed. I cried—the love of the word—the heavy bear.

You told us to break into __’s estate where your wife was being held prisoner. Your wrists broken by those who were your enemies. The pills jumbling your fine mind.

I met you in the bar where you had just ordered five drinks. You said they were so slow that by the time you had the fifth you should have ordered again. Our scotch classes. Vermouth. The jukebox you hated—the lyrics so pathetic.

You called the White House one night to protest their actions against you. A scholarship to your wife to get her away from you and into the arms of whomever in Europe.

I heard the newsboy crying Europe Europe.

Give me enough hope and I’ll hang myself.

Hamlet came from an old upper class family.

Some thought him drunk but—really—he was a manic-depressive—which is like having brown hair.

You have to take your own shower—an existential act. You could slip in the shower and die alone.

Hamlet starting saying strange things. A woman is like a cantaloupe Horatio—once she’s open she goes rotten.

O Delmore where was the Vaudeville for a Princess. A gift to the princess from the stage star in the dressing room.

The duchess stuck her finger up the duke’s ass and the kingdom vanished.

No good will come of this. Stop this courtship!

Sir you must be quiet or I must eject you.

Delmore understood it all and could write it down impeccably.

Shenandoah Fish*. You were too good to survive. The insights got you. The fame expectations. So you taught.

And I saw you in the last round.

I loved your wit and massive knowledge.

You were and have always been the one.

You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him think.

I wanted to write. One line as good as yours. My mountain. My inspiration.

You wrote the greatest short story ever written. In Dreams

-- Lou Reed, "Oh Delmore How I Miss You" 2012

----

*Autobiographical Character in several Schwartz works

[thetriplets3]

hello, my friend. from the prompts list, may i please request "tell me about your day" where the reader asks Matt about his day?

or, maybe Matt makes a gluten-free pizza for the reader 😉 tysm ♡

how about both? this makes my little celiac heart happy. thank you for the request <3

ease my mind

Chaotic. That’s one way to describe the day I’ve had at work. People demanding more that one person can do at a time, getting berated for doing my job, being pulled in every direction I feel myself slowly falling apart. As soon as I shut my car door, my head meets the headrest as I let out a loud groan, before heading home.

I’m used to driving the same route home everyday. It's automatic for me at this point. Tonight however my overwhelmed brain has led me to your house. I stood aimlessly at your front door for a few minutes debating if I should just go, considering it is pretty late and you yourself have been busy lately. Before I can let myself think any longer I press your contact, calling you, not wanting to wake anyone else up.

“Hi honey what’s up?” You pick up at the first ring.

“Hi, could you please unlock the door for me?” I weakly say, not having much energy to talk.

“Of course I’ll be right there” you say. I can hear you rushing off your bed before hanging up.

Opening the door you immediately pull me into your arms, which is exactly what I needed. The smell of freshly baked food fills my nose, comforting me.

“Smells great in here” I compliment.

“I made pizza from scratch, it took a while” you chuckled.

Unconsciously let out a sigh and frown, homemade pizza and I can’t have any. Things got so crazy at work I haven’t had a chance to stop and eat anything since 11am. It’s hitting me now smelling this pizza just how hungry I am.

Since being diagnosed celiac, you’ve been more aware of how difficult it is for me to find food I can eat while we’re out, having to check every label and how much I hate not being able to just eat what everyone else does. You’ve started carrying snacks for me in your bag so I always have something to eat. I love how thoughtful you are. It makes me feel like a burden having to ask places to take extra precautions when preparing my food and limiting the amount of places we can eat.

“I made it just for you, it’s gluten free. It took a while because I wanted to make sure everything was safe and cleaned properly before making it. I double checked everything and even made Nick and Chris check too” you said proudly.

“Matt” my lips form a pout. “You did all that for me? Oh thank you my love, you didn’t have to” I gush, my heart doubling in size.

“Of course I did. I know how much you despise baking so you won’t make any gluten free stuff for yourself so I thought I would try. I tried a piece it’s pretty good. I was gonna bring it to you tomorrow but since you’re here now let’s eat” you say.

Each grabbing a few slices of pizza we made our way to your room getting comfy in bed. “How was work tonight?’ You ask.

“Wasn’t a good night. I’d rather not talk about it” I sigh, not wanting to remember the events. “Tell me about your day” I ask, wanting to be distracted and hearing you talk puts me at ease.

“I’m sorry honey, but hey look on the bright side you have the next 2 days off and you’ll be spending it with me, taking it easy because you deserve it” you softly say. “My day, hmm. I didn’t do much. I went to the store to get all the stuff to make the pizza which took up a good portion of the day because I’m not used to baking. Oh and I got some of your favorite snacks to keep over here so you have food when you stay over. Other than that we spent a few hours at the warehouse planning out some video ideas” You tell me, while your thumb rubs soothingly over the back of my hand.

“I can’t thank you enough for everything you do for me. You know how much I love that you carry snacks around for me but let me pay you back. I feel bad, gluten free food is pricey, I can’t let you spend your money on that for me” I plead.

“Oh zip it I don’t mind buying you things. I don’t want you to have to buy or pack food for when you come to stay over. I should have things you can eat here. I love having you here and being able to take care of you. I love you sweetheart” you say.

“I love you more. You made my day so much better. Can you keep talking, I don’t care what it’s about. I just wanna listen to you talk, you put my mind at ease” I ask, moving my now empty plate to the bedside table and get myself comfy in your arms.

“I’ll do anything for you honey” you promise me.

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