#suicidal reader x castiel

[trans-reader-fics]

Safety — fatherly!Castiel x trans!reader (he/him)

TW/CW: Transphobia, dysphoria, canon typical violence, swearing, mentions of s/icide, references to sh.

Summary: (y/n) ran away from his transphobic home and unknowingly stumbled into a djinn’s lair. Thankfully, the Winchesters and their angel were there to help him. 

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(y/n) shoved his clothes into a worn out duffel bag. He couldn’t stay for any longer; this house was suffocating him, draining him of his will to live, and it became an undeniable fact that he was not welcome anymore. The people who raised him surrendered their title of parents by issuing him an ultimatum. He could either shove himself back into the closet, resigning himself to a suicidal fate, or get the fuck out of their life. So get the fuck out he would. 

He rummaged through every pocket he owned, scraping together as much spare change as possible. He had enough to buy a bus ticket out of town, far away from anyone who knew him. The prospect of nobody caring enough to look for him lingered in the back of his head, only strengthening his resolve to leave. He would not be missed. He would not be hurting anyone.

It would be cheaper to just off yourself. Really, it’s a huge waste to put all this effort in when there’s an easier way out. He entertained these thoughts for longer than he should have, dwelling on them as he walked out the door and began his new life. It was a long walk into the city.

By dusk, (y/n) was exhausted. He had been walking for hours, and in the distance, he saw a warehouse. In better circumstances, he would never consider it. But as it grew nearer, he realized just how heavy his body was, and how dearly he just wanted to collapse into bed.

The warehouse door was already open and (y/n) walked right in. He tiptoed deeper into the building, stepping over empty bottles and cigarette butts. Finding an isolated corner, he curled up against the wall and searched his bag for a blanket. “Damn it,” he grumbled, settling for covering his body in an oversized hoodie. Whispering voices kept him awake for a little while, but he drifted off to sleep, blaming the hisses on his exhaustion. It had been a long day, and he always did have an overactive imagination.

“(y/n)!” His mother called for him. “Wake up, you’ll be late for school!” He stretched and blinked the sleep out of his eyes, before promptly falling back into bed. He hears stomping up the stairs, but he’s not afraid. She pulled the blankets off of him, lovingly ruffling his hair. “Hey! Another late night?” she laughed, her voice tinkling like bells. “C’mon, breakfast is on the table. I’ll drive you, so you don’t have to catch the bus.” She pulled the curtains open, revealing the beginnings of a sunrise. He groaned, rolling out of bed and onto his feet. 

“I’m awake, I’m awake. Had a long night,” he yawned. “Looking for scholarships.” He began pulling on his clothes as soon as he stepped into the bathroom, tugging on a binder and black jeans. “Hey mom?” He popped his head out of the bathroom door, catching his mother right before she descended the flight of stairs. She smiled gently, turning to face him. “I love you.”

“I love you too, hon. Now hurry up! Your food is getting cold.” He laughs before closing the bathroom door and putting the rest of his clothes on. He was so much more confident now that he was out of the closet. Everyone in his life was supportive, and a warmth radiated in his chest. He ran downstairs to eat his breakfast. He approached the kitchen, seeing his father sitting in the same place he always did. 

“Good morning son,” he smiled over his laptop, the clicking of the keys never ceasing. “You might be a little bit late for the bus.” He checks the little white clock hanging over the stove. 

“I’m driving him, honey.” His mother comes over and kisses her husband on the cheek. “Speaking of which,” she looks up at her son. “We gotta head out soon, okay?” She smiled, but it wasn’t right. Something wasn’t right. “(y/n), o-” 

“-kay? Are you okay?” a deep voice asked. “Hey, can you hear me?” (y/n) groaned as someone placed a hand on his shoulder. 

“Head hurts.” He grimaced as he tried to open his eyes. “Who are you? I was having such a nice dream.” 

“We,” the man paused, “We’re the Winchesters. You were kidnapped, and monsters found you. But it’s okay, you’re safe now. The monsters are,” the man paused, “dead, they’re dead.” (y/n) finally managed to open his eyes, and he looked around the room. It was even darker than before, but the building looked the same.

“Kidnapped?” He mumbled, still woozy. “That can’t be right, I’m in the same place. I fell asleep. I need to catch the bus out of here.” He felt for his jacket pocket, discovering that he no longer had a coat on, just a loose t-shirt. “Oh fuck. Where’s my coat?” He began to shift, but the man holding him kept him in place. “Hey, let go of me.” He tried to push him off, unsuccessfully. “Let go of me, where’s my fucking coat?” It had been a long time since he had worn only a short sleeved hoodie, although there were seemingly bigger issues at hand.

A tall man with long hair held up a jacket, his jacket, and fished through the pockets. He pulled out a knife, which he placed on a nearby table, and then found the bus schedule. “Uh, Dean?” The tall one looked at his...brother? and pointed at his ticket. “This bus left over 24 hours ago.”

(y/n)’s eyes widened and he bolted up, catching even Dean by surprise. “My bus left? I slept for over a day? What the hell is going on right now?” 

The tall one bolted over to the distressed teen. “Woah. Let’s start closer to the beginning. My name is Sam, Sam Winchester. That one is Dean, he’s my brother. What’s your name?”

(y/n) took a few deep breaths before answering. “My name’s (y/n). I wasn’t kidnapped.”

Dean looked at him, head tilted in confusion. “Where did that come from?” 

“You said I was kidnapped,” he grumbled. “Earlier, when I was lying over there. I wasn’t. I fell asleep in this warehouse. Not,” he paused, his voice trailing off as he thought. “Not over here, but it’s definitely the same place.”

Dean looked at his brother, then back at (y/n). “Okay, well then, where do you live? We’ll take you home, back to your family.”

(y/n) scoffed, his legs shaking as he walked over to his jacket. “Nope,” he slid the knife back into his pocket. “But if you wouldn’t mind, I need a ride into town.”

“(y/n),” Sam shot a pleading look in his direction. “It’s not safe, you’re a kid. Just let us take you home.”

“Look, I’ll spell it out for you. I was kicked out. I’m not welcome there anymore, and even if I was, I’m fucking done. I’m not going back.” He sighed, shrugging his coat on. “Sucks, but it’s what I’ve got.” 

Dean huffed in exhaustion. “Look, we’ll drive you home, explain to your folks that you almost died. If they still don’t want you, then we’ll drive you to the bus station and you’ll be on your merry way.” 

“Oh, please.” (y/n) rolled his eyes. “Skip the denial. Just drive me into town, and if you really feel that bad for me, I wouldn’t say no to a bagel.”

Dean stared at the kid and tapped at his phone, speed-dialing a number. “Cas,” he grumbles. “Sam and I need you. There’s a stubborn kid, and neither of us can talk any sense into her. Come do some angel shit or something.” Instantly, a man materialized in between them. 

“Woah,” (y/n) breathed out, “What the hell?” The angel grabbed his arm, and walked them into a different room. 

“You’re unhappy. Will you tell me why, or do I have to find it myself?” He stared straight at (y/n), his blue eyes barely blinking. 

“That’s blunt of you,” he laughed. “Look, I don’t feel like getting into it. Sure, do whatever.” The man reached over, pressing his hand against (y/n)’s forehead. 

Kicked out. Kicked out. Unloved. Die. Die. Die. Kill yourself. Die. Unwanted. He. He. He. HE. I want to go home. I don’t have a home. Please. Help me. Help me. Kill me. Fucking kill me.

He pulled his hand away. “You’re coming home with us. We have a,” the dark haired man paused. “We call it the bunker. You’ll be safe. I will make sure of that. They will understand.” He begins to walk away, still holding on to (y/n)’s arm.

“What’s your name?” He whispers. “And why are you helping me?”

“Castiel. My name is Castiel, and I am an angel.” He pulled the child back into the first room, where the brothers stood, waiting.

“Well?” Dean groaned, arms crossed. “Where does she live?” (y/n) flinched slightly, but Cas only stood up straighter.

“We’re taking him to the bunker.” With that, Cas led (y/n) out of the warehouse, and sat him in the backseat of the Impala, sliding in next to him. “I will not let anyone hurt you,” he whispered. “You’ll be safe with us. They will accept you. Now sleep.” 

(y/n) glanced at him, skepticism in his eyes. Cas saw this, and he slipped his trenchcoat off, draping it over the teenager’s body. 

“Thank you,” he whispered before dozing off, leaning into Cas’s side. 

He awoke to the slamming of car doors, and the faint noise of arguing. “We can’t keep the kid,” Dean shouted under his breath. “We aren’t parents, and if you haven’t noticed, we kind of have bigger things to deal with right now.”

“Dean.” The angel stated, opening the door to the backseat. “This is not a discussion. I can take care of him, and you were not the one to see inside his head.”

“So tell me,” he begged. “Make me understand.”

Tell him, (y/n) thought. It’s okay, Castiel. You can tell him. Almost as if he heard (y/n)’s thoughts, Cas replied.

“(y/n) is what humans call transgender. His parents were not pleased with this, and he is unable to return to where he used to live. I’m sure you understand that feeling.” He gently readjusted his jacket so that it covered more of (y/n)’s body, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.

Dean froze in his steps, his furrowed brows and clenched jaw betraying his rage. “We’re keeping him. Let’s get him inside.”

He sat up slowly, eyes still heavy with sleep. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’ll be on my way tomorrow. I won’t be a bother.” Dean turned to look at him, and his face began to fall. 

“No need for that, kid. You’re staying. Besides, Cas would kick my ass if I let you leave.” He chuckled, while Cas let out a heavy sigh; (y/n) saw a hint of a smile cross his face as he did so.

“Rest, (y/n). We will talk more in the morning. For now, just rest.” Cas reached out and brushed a spare tuft of hair behind (y/n)’s ear. 

He woke in someone’s bed, in a tidy, barely lived in room, under blankets that smelled like cinnamon. As soon as he sat up, there were three knocks at the door. Dean walked in immediately after, and (y/n) could tell it was his room.

“Fuck,” (y/n) sighed, burying his head in his hands. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I stole your bed, didn’t I. Sorry, I should’ve taken the couch, I-”

“Hey, hey, kid it’s okay.” Dean smiled and sat on the side of the bed, next to his legs. “I offered, and besides, there’s plenty of rooms with beds in here. The bunker is huge.”

(y/n) opened his mouth to protest, but from the doorway, Cas cut him off. “We want to help you. Do you plan to keep fighting it?”

“I, um,” He took a deep breath. “I don’t trust favors. What do you want in return?”

“For you to try not to kill us.” Dean paused. “Sorry Cas. Wrong answer?”

“Wrong answer,” Cas confirmed, “But yes. Please don’t try to kill us. We want to help you, and you are welcome to stay with us. Indefinitely.”

(y/n) smiled. Something in Cas’s deadpan delivery made him trust the angel, and he started to get out of bed. “Thank you. All of you. I think...” he took a deep breath. “I think I’ll stay a while.”

[fatecantstopme]

Not Yours to Take

Pairing: Dean Winchester x reader

Summary: In which Dean begs Castiel to take away your memories of him to keep you safe.

Warnings: cursing, use of pet names, canon violence.

A/N: Told from Dean's perspective. Shares some similarities to Cass taking Lisa and Ben's memories.

"Absolutely not," I said angrily.

"Dean...come on. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself on a hunt. You know that," she responded calmly.

"This isn't a normal hunt, (Y/N). I don't want you anywhere near it."

"I don't care. I'm not letting you go alone!"

"I've hunted alone hundreds of times, I'll be fine."

"You just said this isn't a normal hunt. Going alone is a suicide mission. Hell, the whole damn thing could be a trap."

"Exactly!" I yelled. "So why would I put you in danger like that?"

"Our lives are dangerous! We choose to keep fighting every damn day, no matter the cost--why should this be any different?"

"Because I can't lose you!"

She stared at me quietly, sadness etched onto her beautiful face. "Dean..."

"No--don't look at me like that. With Sam...with Sam gone, it's just you and me. You're all I have."

She sighed. "You still have Cass."

I shook my head. "He's never around anymore. Too busy with whatever angel business he's got going on."

"There's no one else to call," she said softly.

I knew she was right--hell, I knew I shouldn't do this alone, but that didn't mean I was going to risk her life. I crossed the short distance between us and gently touched her cheek. "I shouldn't have yelled...but my mind is made up. I need you to stay here."

She looked defeated as her pretty (y/e/c) eyes met mine. I hated seeing that look on her face, but I would rather have her alive and angry at me than dead.

"Fine," she murmured. "Just--for the love of God, be careful."

"Careful is my middle name, darlin'," I joked.

She rolled her eyes. "'Reckless' is more accurate."

I grinned as I placed a soft kiss to her lips. "I'll be back by midnight, okay? I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep, Dean Winchester."

"I'm coming back, (Y/N)," I said softly. I turned away from her to grab my jacket and my bag, unable to look at her any longer. She was scared for my life and she had every right to be...

We'd been hearing rumblings in the last several months of a supernatural hit that had been placed on my life. Basically every monster was out to get me--I'd become the hunted. I wished Sam was here every day, but he was one more person I couldn't save. I would be damned if (Y/N) was added to that list.

I started to walk out the motel room door when I heard her inhale a shaky breath. I couldn't look at her--couldn't bare to see the worry in her eyes--so I turned my head back in her direction, but my eyes were trained on the floor. "I love you, baby."

"I love you too, Dean," she whispered.

I walked out the door without looking back, knowing there was no way I would leave if I looked at her.

**********

I made my way to an old abandoned farmhouse just outside of town. We knew there were reports of a demon infestation of some kind. Our intel indicated this was the demons' home base. I had this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach, which intensified the closer I got, but I did my best to ignore it.

I opted to park the Impala about a half mile away to keep the demons from hearing me coming. I walked the rest of the way, staying off the main road.

When the farmhouse finally came into view, I noticed it was completely dark. It didn't look like anyone was home. As I crept closer, I continued to see signs of abandonment and disrepair. There were no indications that anyone--human or not--had been there in a long time.

That feeling in my gut crept back up and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. My hunter's instinct told me something was very wrong and I would be wise to listen to it.

Suddenly, my phone began to buzz in my pocket. I pulled it out and the screen lit up with (Y/N)'s name. A sense of worry came over me and I answered without hesitation. "Hey baby, you okay?"

I heard muffled sounds on the other end of the phone and my heart began to beat faster. "Babe?"

I listened more closely and I heard what could only be described as sounds of a struggle. I felt a wave of panic wash over me and my grip on the phone tightened. "(Y/N) answer me!" I yelled.

I started running back towards the car, not giving a damn if someone saw or heard me. Whatever was happening to (Y/N) was happening back at the motel--so that was where I needed to be.

I wasn't more than 100 meters from the car when I heard a terrifying sound that cut me straight to the bone. It was clearly a woman's cry of pain--and I knew in an instant it was (Y/N)'s voice.

"(Y/N)!" I yelled into the phone as I ripped open the driver's door of the car and slid in. "(Y/N/N), answer me, please!"

The engine roared to life and I took off in the direction of the motel. There was nothing but silence on the other end of the phone and terror had begun wrapping its icy tendrils around my heart. "Baby, please..." I whispered, not expecting a response.

"I'm sorry, (Y/N) can't come to the phone right now. Can I take a message?" an unfamiliar voice said through the phone.

"Who the hell is this and where is (Y/N)?" I asked angrily.

"She's right here, but she's a little--unconscious--at the moment." The voice chuckled. "Who I am is really not important. All you need to know is I'm here to collect on a bounty."

My foot pressed down harder on the gas and I tried to control my breathing. "Look here you son of a bitch. If you hurt her, I swear to God, I will kill you and everything you have ever loved."

The voice chuckled once more. "The famous Dean Winchester bravado. I had a feeling I would like you."

I had already assumed he knew who I was, but with my suspicions confirmed, my fear for (Y/N) only increased. "I'm the one you want, so why don't you leave her out of this."

"You know, I would, but you've been a very hard man to track down. I figured going after the person you love most would just make my job easier. Now, you'll come right to me."

I knew there was no point in arguing. The panic in my voice when I was yelling for (Y/N) had already made it very clear how I feel about her. "If I hand myself over, you'll let her go?"

There were a few beats of silence before the man responded. "I will agree to those terms."

"Good. I'll be there in 20 minutes."

I hung up the phone and continued to speed towards the motel. I had a feeling that whatever this creature was that had (Y/N) wouldn't have any qualms about ignoring the terms of our deal. I couldn't just go in there and hand myself over, but I also couldn't go in guns blazing. Despite all evidence to the contrary, I'm not suicidal.

I exhaled heavily, mind set on what I needed to do. I didn't want to--I didn't even know if he'd respond, but I didn't have any other choice.

"Castiel," I said aloud. "I, uhh--I could really use your help here."

All I could hear was the roar of the car's engine.

"Come on, Cass--I know you're busy, but this is important. I'm not praying to you just for fun."

Still nothing.

"Damnit, Cass! It's (Y/N). I need you, man. Please." I hated begging, but desperate times and all that...

"I'm here Dean."

I jumped slightly as Castiel appeared in the seat beside me. "I know I called you, but it's freaky as hell when you do that."

"Sorry," he said simply. "You said this was important?"

"Some asshole kidnapped (Y/N) and I need your help."

"Why would someone kidnap (Y/N)?"

"Oh, I don't know Cass--maybe it's because I have a goddamn bounty on my ass!" I said sarcastically.

"I see. They're using (Y/N) to get to you."

"Good job. Now we're all caught up," I grumbled. "I don't know what we're dealing with, but my money is on a demon--probably a group of demons."

"I can see why you called me."

I shot him an annoyed glance, but didn't comment on his statement. "I left her at the motel thinking she'd be safer there--I never thought one of these monsters would come after her to get to me."

"It's not your fault, Dean."

I was surprised he said that--because it was definitely completely my fault. If I had just let her come with me, she wouldn't be in this situation. "Then who's fault is it, Cass?"

The angel remained silent. I sighed and focused my attention back on the road. "We're about 15 minutes out."

"Do you have a plan?"

I thought about it for a moment. "Yeah...it's not a great plan, but it's all I got."

**********

"You're right, that's a terrible plan," Cass commented.

"You got a better one?" When he didn't respond, I continued. "Didn't think so."

"We have no idea how many of them there are."

"I'm aware of that, Cass."

"Just making sure."

"Just...poof out of here so they don't see you. This only works if they think I'm alone."

I could tell he didn't like the idea of me walking into a trap by myself, but we really didn't have another option. When I glanced back over to the passenger seat a moment later, he was gone.

I took a deep breath. "God I really hope this works..."

**********

Ten minutes later, I pulled into the parking lot of the motel. I looked around and spotted at least five people milling about outside, all trying to look like they weren't focused on me.

I got out of the car and started walking to the room, heart hammering in my chest. I had salt and holy water in my pockets, and an angel blade tucked into my waistband. I was as prepared as I could possibly be on such short notice.

When I reached the door, I turned the handle and was surprised to find it unlocked. As I stepped inside, my eyes scanned the room as quickly as possible. There were at least four demons in the room and (Y/N) was tied to a chair in the center.

"Dean! So nice of you to join us," one of them said. It was the same voice I had spoken to on the phone.

"I'm here, as promised. So why don't you just let her go."

The demon's eyes flashed black and he gave me a dark smile. "Oh please...you didn't actually think I was going to let her go, did you?"

My jaw tightened and I felt anger bubbling beneath the surface of my skin. While I hadn't assumed he would let her go, I really didn't like hearing it.

"I warned you, you son of a bitch," I ground out. My eyes flicked over to (Y/N)'s unconscious form and I took note of the obvious injuries. God only knew what they'd done to her before I got here.

"Yes, yes, murder, blah, blah, blah," the demon muttered. "Unfortunately, I'd already caused her quite a bit of pain before I made that promise, so there was really no use in keeping it."

My hands clenched into fists and I fought the urge to attack. Four to one were not good odds...nine to one was even worse. I needed Castiel to pick off the demons outside before I picked a fight with these ones.

"So which one are you? Demon #4,235?" I asked.

"I am Ariel," he answered smugly.

I choked out a laugh. "You're the little mermaid?"

The demon growled lowly. "I am significantly more powerful than a mermaid." With a flick of his wrist, I went flying against the wall, unable to move no matter how hard I struggled.

"I really hate Disney," Ariel grumbled. "At least I'll be rewarded for delivering your head on a silver platter."

"That's nice," I grunted. "I hope King Triton is pleased."

Ariel tightened his fist and I suddenly couldn't breathe. This wasn't the first time I'd felt this sensation, but it sucked every damn time.

There was a strangled cry from outside the room and it got the attention of all four demons. Ariel loosened his grip on me and I was able to breathe again. "What was that?" he hissed.

The other three demons shrugged in confusion.

"One of you go check it out."

None of them looked like they wanted to go, but eventually one stepped forward and went outside to check. He left the door open behind him, but he never came back in.

"For the love of Hell," Ariel muttered as he moved towards the open doorway.

"Not Hell," Castiel said from inside the room, angel blade slicing through the skin of the nearest demon.

Ariel's hold on me kept me pinned to the wall, but I felt it weaken as he spun around in surprise. Cass had grabbed ahold of the last demon and sunk his blade into the demon's chest. He glanced up at Ariel and took a menacing step in his direction.

The demon immediately abandoned his meat suit, a massive cloud of black smoke escaping into the night. I fell to my knees as his power left with him, body aching from the intensity.

"(Y/N)," I gasped out as I got to my feet and rushed to her side. "(Y/N/N) can you hear me?"

She didn't respond and I felt a moment of panic as I rushed to cut the binds around her wrists and ankles. She fell into my arms and I picked her up with ease. "I need to get her to a hospital."

"Of course."

"Uh-uh. Don't you leave yet. I know you can't heal her, but I might still need your help."

Castiel looked perplexed, but he nodded and followed me to the car.

**********

I wanted to stay by (Y/N)'s side when we got to the hospital, but the nurses told me to stay back in the waiting room. Castiel took a seat to wait patiently, but I had too much adrenaline to sit down. I paced back and forth for a good half hour, my boots wearing a pattern into the old carpet.

People were giving me odd looks, which I ignored. I was singularly focused on remaining in control of my emotions as we waited for news about (Y/N)'s condition. In the strangers' defenses, I did have a fair amount of blood on my clothes, none of which belonged to me, and I probably looked a little angry--okay, maybe a lot angry.

"Riley," a doctor called from the front desk. It was the name I had given when I brought (Y/N) in.

I practically ran to the doctor, Castiel following behind me. "How is she?" I asked, worry lacing my voice.

"She was quite clearly in a rather violent altercation, but she's going to be alright. She sustained a head injury, as well as several lacerations and bruises, but she's awake and asking for 'Dean'. I assume that's one of you?"

My body visibly relaxed. "I'm Dean."

"Would you like to go see her?"

I nodded and the doctor gestured for me to follow. When Cass tried to come with us, the doctor shook his head. "I'm sorry, but only one person at a time."

I turned to look at him, but Cass waived me on. "Go. She needs you."

I nodded gratefully and followed the doctor to her room. When I walked through the door, I saw the woman I loved lying in the bed, looking smaller and weaker than I'd ever seen her. It was enough to nearly shatter my heart into a thousand pieces.

She looked up at me when I stepped through the door and offered me a soft smile. "Dean," she murmured lowly.

"Hey baby," I said softly. Tears were stinging my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. I didn't want her to know how emotional I was feeling in the moment.

"I'll leave you two to talk," the doctor said before closing the door behind him.

I crossed the room and grabbed her hand, giving it a tight squeeze. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"For what?"

"For leaving you alone. I didn't think they would come after you..."

She squeezed my hand and a gentle smile graced her pretty face. "It's not your fault, Dean. Besides, I'm fine."

I nodded and bit my lip. "Thanks to Cass," I admitted.

"Thanks to both of you," she insisted.

I offered her a small smile. "I'm glad you're okay."

She tried to pull herself up into a more comfortable sitting position, but a gasp of pain escaped her lips and she slumped back against the pillows.

"Hey, don't try to move too much. Let me help you."

"Thanks," she mumbled.

I started to help her adjust so she'd be more comfortable. "Lean forward for me, baby, let me fix these pillows."

She nodded and leaned forward, giving me access to the crappy hospital pillows that were wedged between her back and the bed. As I moved them, her hospital gown shifted slightly, revealing her right shoulder blade to me. My body stiffened and I inhaled sharply as I took in the mangled skin where her anti-possession tattoo had once been.

I tried to keep my exterior calm as I finished adjusting the pillows and she leaned back against them, wincing at the pain. My face must have betrayed me, because when she looked up at me, a worried expression crossed her face.

"Dean? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I lied smoothly. "I just don't like seeing you in pain."

She nodded, but didn't look entirely convinced. I had no way of knowing if she was already possessed or not, but there was one surefire way to find out. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the small vial of holy water I had there from earlier in the evening.

Unfortunately, she noticed my movements and her eyes narrowed. "I really wouldn't do that if I were you," she hissed, eyes turning black as night. "You'll hurt your precious (Y/N)."

Anger flared up inside me. "Get the hell out of my girl, you black eyed son of a bitch."

She laughed. "Why would I do that when I'm having so much fun in here? She's in here with me, you know. Wide awake and fighting."

She got out of the bed with shocking speed and sent me flying across the room. Apparently the demon had been faking pain to make me think it was (Y/N).

"You know what the best part of all this is, Dean?" The demon asked as it approached me. "She's going to watch helplessly as I gut you like a pig. I might even make her eat your entrails, just for fun."

I winced as I pulled myself into a sitting position. I was getting really tired of being tossed around like a damn rag doll. "I think you underestimate her," I said with a grunt of discomfort.

"The fight weakened her before I ever possessed her. She's not strong enough to overpower me." The demon leaned forward and grabbed my face in its hands. "You're not much of a threat either without your little angel pal--and you won't do a damn thing to hurt your beloved (Y/N)."

The demon was right about one thing--I wouldn't hurt (Y/N), at least not irreparably. I still had the bottle of holy water in my hand and I made the split section decision to toss it into her face. "Sorry, baby," I muttered as the demon jumped back in pain.

I managed to get to my feet, but the demon flung me against the wall again, holding me still with its power. I managed to gasp out (Y/N)'s name before the demon began to suffocate me.

I stared at the face of the person I loved most in this hellscape of a world and silently pleaded with her to wake up--to fight back. I didn't want to die, but more importantly, I didn't want her to have to live with the guilt.

I was starting to fade, I knew I was going to black out soon and then it would be all over for me. I struggled against the power that held me in place, but it was useless. I saw the demon pull a knife out of a bag of (Y/N)'s clothes. I recognized it instantly as the knife I'd given her as a gift when we first got together. Fitting that it would be the weapon that kills me.

The demon began to approach me and for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was truly about to die. What was worse was the accompanying fear along with it. Would I be going back to Hell? Would (Y/N) be okay without me? Would I get to see my brother again?

Suddenly, the demon's black eyes flickered back to (Y/N)'s normal (y/e/c) ones. Her hand shook and she dropped the knife she was holding, a strained gasp escaping her throat. The demon's power over me faded in an instant, and I sunk to the floor, gasping for breath.

"Dean," she gasped, her face contorted in pain as she struggled to hold the demon at bay. "I can't--I can't hold him off much longer."

"Cass!" I yelled, trying to summon the angel for help.

"Exorcise him or kill me," (Y/N) begged. "I can't let him kill you, but I'm not strong enough to maintain control."

I suddenly wished I'd paid more attention when Sammy tried to teach me Latin...at least the words to the damn exorcism. "I can't remember the words," I said in distress.

"Then you have to kill me," she pleaded.

"I can't. I won't."

"The demon--it won't...won't let me recite the words."

"Son of a bitch," I muttered under my breath. I pulled myself off the floor and took a step towards her. "Hang on for me, baby. Please."

She nodded and I turned my back to her to open the door. I stuck my head out in the hallway and saw Castiel sitting patiently at the other end. Clearly no one had noticed the commotion happening in this room, including the angel. I stepped out into the hallway and waved to him, hoping he would see me.

Cass looked up at me and I waved to him, motioning for him to come here immediately. He stood up and started walking towards me and I gestured for him to come to the room. I ducked back in and closed the door. A second later, Cass appeared inside the room.

"What's going on, Dean?"

"She's possessed."

"That's not possible."

"The demons cut off my anti-possession tattoo," (Y/N) said through gritted teeth. "So, a little help would be nice."

Castiel fixed his gaze on her and his eyes widened slightly. "I can see the demon within you."

"That's disturbing," I muttered. "Get it out of her."

"I can't without killing her."

"What? Use your mojo, dude. That's what you do."

"Haven't you ever noticed my 'mojo' as you call it burns out a person's eyes?"

I thought back to all the times I'd seen Cass kill a demon and realized he was right. "Shit."

"Do you know an exorcism?" (Y/N) managed to ask. "Preferably a fast one."

"I know where I can get one." With those words, Castiel disappeared into thin air.

"Not a great time to disappear, Cass!" I yelled at nothing.

"He'll be back," (Y/N) said. "I think."

"Are you okay? How much longer can you hold him off?"

"He's really strong, so not much longer. Also, he really doesn't like you."

"Most demons don't," I said with a shrug.

"He keeps muttering something about the little mermaid. I don't know why."

My eyes widened slightly. "Well I do. His name is Ariel...and I may have made a little mermaid joke when we met earlier."

She managed a weak laugh. "A demon named Ariel. Awesome."

In any other circumstances, I would have laughed with her, but I was too worried to appreciate the humor.

"I have the exorcism," Castiel said as he reappeared beside me.

"Great!" I grabbed the book from his hand and realized it was my dad's journal. I held the leather tightly as I began to read the words from the page. "Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas omnis incursio infernalis adversarii..."

The more I read, the more intense (Y/N)'s struggle became. She fell to her knees and cried out in pain, but I kept reading. I needed that demon to get the hell out of her body.

"Ergo, Draco maledicte et omnis legio diabolica, adiuramus te! Adinos!" The moment I finished speaking, (Y/N)'s head flew back and black smoke escaped her mouth.

After a few seconds, her body collapsed on the floor and I rushed to her side. "(Y/N)!"

She lifted her head and her eyes met mine. She offered me a weak smile and said, "I'm fine."

I breathed a sigh of relief and helped her off the floor and back into bed. "Cass, go grab an anti-possession necklace from the trunk of my car."

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, Cass was gone.

"I feel like I owe you another apology," I said softly.

"For what?"

"Well...you didn't exactly get my first apology and I also need to apologize for letting you get possessed."

"You didn't let anything happen, Dean. None of this was your fault. Shit like this happens to people in this life...I know what I signed up for."

Cass reappeared with the necklace before I could respond. I took it from him and placed it around her neck, breathing a sigh of relief once it was in place.

"I will wait outside," Cass announced. He disappeared again before either of us could say a word.

"Angels," I muttered under my breath, earning a light laugh from (Y/N).

I turned my attention back to her and I sighed. I hated seeing her like this--I hated seeing her hurt and in pain. It made me want to kill whatever had caused her pain, only this time it was all my fault.

"Dean, I wanna go home," she whispered.

I wished more than anything that we had an actual home to go to, instead of yet another shitty motel. I wished I could give her the life she deserved, but I knew that would never be in the cards for us.

"Alright," I murmured, placing a soft kiss to her forehead. "Lemme talk to the doctor."

**********

We drove for over an hour to a slightly nicer motel in another town. I didn't want her recovering in that rundown place--the same place she'd been attacked and possessed.

(Y/N) was asleep in the backseat when we arrived, having fallen asleep almost immediately after leaving the hospital. Cass and I had ridden in silence the entire time, allowing me to have time to think.

I got us a room while Cass waited with (Y/N) in the car. When I returned, I gently woke her up and helped her into our room.

"I wanna take a shower," she stated. "I feel disgusting."

I knew the feeling, so I agreed to her request even though I was worried about her falling. Besides, I needed some time to talk to Cass alone.

I helped her into the bathroom and started the shower for her. She refused my help any further and shooed me out of the room. "I'm weak, Dean, but I'm not an invalid."

I chuckled and threw my hands up in surrender. "Just yell if you need me."

She waved me off again and I walked out of the bathroom, leaving her to her own devices.

Cass had sat down in a chair near the door and I made my way towards him. I didn't want to have this conversation...I didn't want to ask of this of him, but I didn't see another option.

"Thanks for coming to the rescue today," I began.

"You know I will always help you," he responded.

I nodded. "I actually need your help one more time before you go."

"With what?"

I took a deep breath. "This bounty thing--the price on my head--it's putting the people I love at risk. More risk than I ever imagined." I started pacing back and forth as I spoke, letting the words just flow. "What happened today just solidified it for me, ya know? I'm obviously living at risk every day of my life, but that doesn't mean I should be dragging other people into it. I mean, look at all I've lost so far--you and (Y/N) are all I have left."

I paused, needing a minute to just breathe. "My worst fears almost came true today. (Y/N) was hurt because of me...she could have died because of me. Then she was possessed by a demon who wanted to kill me? Imagine if he'd been successful! She would have had to live with that guilt the rest of her life and it would have killed her. I don't want this for her--any of it. She deserves better and I need you to give it to her."

I sat down on the bed facing Cass with a sigh. My head dropped into my hands and I felt tears pressing against the backs of my eyelids.

"What is it you're asking me to do?"

I stayed silent for a moment, taking those precious seconds to make sure this was the right decision. When I was certain, I looked up at my friend, sadness etched into my face. "I need you to take away her memories. I want her to forget about this life--to forget any of this exists. I want her to forget about demons and angels and all the shit that goes bump in the night. I want her to forget about the death and the pain and the endless battles. I want her to live a happy, normal, safe life--far away from this...far away from me."

Cass stared at me in silence for a moment. Neither one of us were aware our conversation was no longer private--the shower had turned off over a minute ago.

"Do you understand what you're asking? She will know nothing of this life, which means she won't remember you."

The tears finally pushed through my mental block and slid down my face. "I know. I hate the idea of her being out in the world loving someone who isn't me, but I can handle it because she'll be safe. She'll be happy. She needs to forget me...or she'll never be safe."

I heard the bathroom door open and I quickly wiped my eyes, trying to hide the pain I was feeling. I turned towards her, trying to put a smile on my face, but it slipped away the moment I saw her expression.

She was standing there, hair wet and dripping, wrapped in nothing but a bath towel. Her eyes were filled with sadness and a pain so deep it broke my heart.

"Castiel, will you give us a minute, please?" she asked softly, but firmly.

"I'll just be...outside," he muttered as he disappeared.

"(Y/N)--"

"No, Dean. This is my time to talk," she said cutting me off. "Sometimes you make me so incredibly angry--like a violent level of angry I didn't even know I was capable of. You're so...so...arrogant. So certain you're right and every one else is wrong. You make decisions without stopping to think how those decisions affect other people--you make decisions on my behalf without even consulting me. Do you ever stop to think about how I feel?"

"(Y/N), I--it's for your own protection--"

"Damn my protection, Dean! And damn you!" she yelled. "You don't get to decide for me. You don't get to determine my life path! You don't wanna be with me, then that's your prerogative, but don't you dare make that decision for me. I chose this life with eyes wide open. I knew the dangers, I knew the risks, and I chose it anyway. I chose you, Dean Winchester, knowing everything that comes along with that."

I starred at her in stunned silence--I'd never seen her this angry before.

Tears streamed down her face as she continued. "I have loved every moment of our life together--the good and the bad. I wouldn't choose anything else, certainly not a 'normal' life. I love hunting monsters with you. I love saving people with you. I love traveling the country with you. I love living in shitty, dingy motels with you. I love getting into fights, coming home bruised and bleeding, battling our way through everything that comes our way. Do you know why? Because I'm with you--because I love you. So don't you dare take my memories from me, Dean Winchester. They are not yours to take."

I stood up and crossed the room with surprising speed. I wrapped her up in my arms, holding her tightly to my chest. She leaned into me, ignoring the pain her body was in. I kissed her on top of her head and held her for a long time before she finally pulled away from me.

"I just want to protect you," I whispered.

"I know, Dean...but the safest place for me will always be right beside you. There's no place else I'd rather be."

I touched her face and closed my eyes, just feeling her warmth emanate from within. I knew I couldn't live without her--at least not happily...I needed her more than I ever cared to admit. I wanted to protect her--to keep her safe, but maybe she was right. Maybe the safest place for her was in my arms. I would die to protect her--I would kill to protect her. Who else would be willing to do that?

"I love you, (Y/N) (Y/L/N), and I'm sorry."

She smiled up at me. "I love you too, Dean...and I know you are. Just don't try that shit again."

I chuckled lightly and leaned down to kiss her. Part of me hated admitting she was right, but I knew from that moment on, I would never let her go. Never.

[h0nkch0c0late]

FEELING LOW

Jack Kline x Reader (platonic)

Summary: ever since you were young, you've struggled with your mental health. Dean and Sam always tried to help you, but nothing ever worked. You were back in that funk once more, holed up in your room. Jack, though confused about why you were sad, wanted to make you feel better.

WARNINGS: mentions of depression, mention of thoughts of self-harm and suicide.

Today was just one of those days where you didn't want to get out of bed.

Instead, you lay there in your bed, staring up into the darkness where your ceiling should be. Your blanket was pulled up to your chest as you unconsciously played with your hands.

You felt like the worst person in existence. Like you were a neucance to everyone who was around you. You absolutely hated the feeling, but you couldn't help it.

You thought about tearing your skin apart, just to see how it felt. Sure, you had been sliced by monsters, being bled almost dry, but this was a different kind of pain. This was the pain you wanted.

And the mode you thought about it, the worse you felt, and you dug yourself into a deeper hole.

Sam and Dean stood outside your door, Sam holding your breakfast as he gave a worried look towards his brother.

Dean took a deep breath as he knocked, hoping that this time you'd answer. He hated when you got like this, knowing you weren't okay and he couldn't do anything to fix it.

After a few seconds of silence, a very broken "go away!" Came from the other side of the door.

Sam closed his eyes in slight frustration as he let out a sigh, "Y/n, you need to eat."

"I'm...not hungry." You replied, your voice cracking as if you were on the verge of tears.

Jack, hearing the commotion, made his way towards the brothers from his place in the kitchen. Castiel had gone out to get more groceries, leaving Jack on his own.

"What's going on?" He asked, his head tilted in curiosity.

The brothers turned their heads towards him, his small grin turning upside down as he noticed the look on their faces, "is something wrong?"

Sam and Dean glanced at each other before Sam answered him, "Y/n won't eat, and won't come out of her room either. It... happens sometimes."

"Is she...sick?" Jack questioned once again, now standing directly in front of the brothers.

"No, kid, she's not sick. She's just... really sad." Dean responded simply, looking back at the closed door.

Jack went silent for a moment before his eyes lit up with an idea, "Maybe I can make her not sad!" He suggested with a grin.

"Look, Jack, you cant-" Sam began but was cut off by Jack taking the plate of food from his hands and disappearing. Presumably into your room.

----

As Jack appeared into Your room, the darkness did not go unnoticed. The only way he was able to navigate through her room was the light that peaked through the crack under your door, showing the lump that was covered by blankets.

"Are...you okay?" Jack asked, standing next to the bed, looking down at you.

Your eyes never wandered from the ceiling as you responded, "No. But it's okay, I'll be fine in a bit."

You were lying, of course, as you thought about running the blade of your knife over your skin and maybe getting yourself on whatever hunt the boys tried to get you to help with.

Jack knew you were lying, his frown deepening as he placed the plate of food onto her bedside table, turning on the lamp.

You shut your eyes tight to try and rid of the unwanted brightness in the room as you groaned.

"You need to eat." Jack told you sternly, only repeating what the boys had said.

"I'm not hungry, Jack." You mumbled, slowly opening your eyes, trying to adjust to the light in your room after hours of darkness.

The dark circles under your eyes proved that you hadn't slept that night, much less had slept in the past week.

"You haven't slept." He mentioned, his head tilting slightly in curiosity, as was normal for him.

"Haven't been tired."

"But you need it."

"I sleep when my body decides it's time for it. Right now is not time for it." You chided, crossing your arms against the blanket over your body.

Jack knew not to push further with you, knowing from Sam and Dean that you were in a fragile state. He sat down beside you on the bed, not breaking his focus on your tired being. "Why are you so sad?" He asked.

To you, it felt like he had already asked a million questions. But you always had a soft spot for the kid, so you never snapped.

"I'm not sad, I'm just..." You didn't know what you were feeling. Most times it was different. Sometimes you would say it was because you felt too sad, other times you said you felt empty. You'd say that your emotions were so overwhelming that your brain didn't know which emotion to pick, so it broke. There was no real feeling for you.

"Just what?"

You sighed before making it simple for him, "Never mind. Yeah, yeah, I'm really sad." A crack in your voice slipped out as you said it, making the sentence feel even more broken than it was.

Jack knew that the response to someone's sadness was to hug them (as seen from the many times the brothers, Castiel, and Y/n had hugged each other after tough times), and thought that maybe that's all you needed.

So, he pulled you up into a sitting position and hugged you tight, a smile growing on his lips as he felt your arms wrap loosely around him, your head placed in the crook of his neck.

You felt tears prick your eyes as you reveled in the sudden comfort and reassurance that the hug brought you. The evil thoughts that plagued your brain had died down just a little as you focused on the moment.

You knew that the hug wouldn't ward off your depression forever, but you were glad that it was enough to keep you feeling sane for this tiny little bit.

And suddenly, you began to feel your eyes drooping, sleep slamming into you like a freight train as the many sleepless nights finally caught up with your body.

Jack felt your arms let go of him slightly, fingers grazing his back as they fell limp with sleep.

Just in time too, as Sam and Dean (now joined by Cas) open the door, concerned about the silence that had fallen between the two.

They all sighed in relief at the sight of the sleeping woman, Jack finally letting go of her and gently setting her back down.

They took note that the next time this happens, Jack will be the first one they send in.

And yes, Dean, in fact, ended up eating her breakfast instead.

‐--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey yall! Thanks for reading <3 this fic was more just projecting what I've been feeling for the past couple of weeks into my writing, and at first I felt a little iffy posting it. But with a little push from a friend (reminding me that this fic would be read by a lot of people who would find comfort that someone could relate to them) I decided, fuck it!

@pinchofhoney

[impala-dreamer]

Turn down the lights and indulge in some sexy, angsty horror...

Escape

~Y/N and Dean are abducted after a night at the bar and thrown into a maze of horrors. Can Sam track down his brother and girlfriend in time? Can they even hold on that long?~

Dean Winchester, Y/N, Sam Winchester, OCs

Series Warnings: Angst. Show level violence. Graphic gore and blood. Extreme situations that may cause anxiety and fear. Character injury and trauma.

13 Chapters

Good Vibrations

Y/N has wished for Dean Winchester to turn his eye her way since the moment they met, silently pining for him and loving him from deep within the friend zone. When Dean suddenly returns her affection, Y/N is in Seventh Heaven, but nothing gold can stay, and she soon finds out that things aren’t always what they seem and that some wishes are better left unfulfilled.

Dean x Reader, Sam, OFC

Warnings: NSFW. Angst. Smut. Rough, violent, possibly triggering situations. (All chapters will be tagged with their own warnings)

14 Chapters

Conditioned

~Dean always feared the Apple Pie Life, but with Y/N he felt secure enough to try. He should have known better.~

Dean x Reader, Sam, Castiel, Jack, OMCs

Series Warning: Extreme Angst. Violent Situations. Kidnapping. Murder. Torture. Blood. Fighting. Also Fluff and some Smut. Very NSFW. Each chapter will be warned individually and appropriately. 

19 Chapters

Muddy Soul 

~ Life isn’t always as it seems and people aren’t who they say they are. Love isn’t always a good thing, and sometimes, finding out the hard way may just kill you. ~

Dean x Reader, Sam x Reader, OMC x Reader, Castiel, Rowena

Series Blanket Warnings: Extreme Angst. DubCon. NonCon. Extreme Physical and Mental Abuse. Show Level Angst and Beyond. Magic. Manipulative and Abusive Relationships. Sexual Situations. Mental Manipulation. Mind Control. Panic Attacks. Severe PTSD. Murder. Some romance, comfort. 

30 Chapters

The Nightmare Curse

~Hit by a devastating curse, Y/N is forced to live out her darkest nightmares on a loop. Can Dean and Sam wake her before there’s nothing left to wake? ~

Featuring Dean Winchester x Reader, Sam Winchester, Castiel – And Many Others Spanning the 15 Seasons of Supernatural

Series Warnings Include But Are Not Limited To: Rated R. NSFW. Sexual Activities. Non-Consensual Sexual Acts, Acts of Dubious Consent. Murder. Suicide. Main Character Death. Physical Abuse. Mental Abuse. Dismemberment. Exsanguination. Disembowelment. Cannibalism. Extreme Angst and Horror Well Beyond Scope of Original Show. Proceed with caution. 

13 Chapters

The Fragile Heart

~ After returning home from filming a movie in Europe, Jensen fights to control himself and Y/N keep safe. Unfortunately, lust is hard to fight and hunger even more so…~ 

Jensen Ackles x F!Reader

NSFW, Vampire!AU, Relationship Angst, Mentions of Past Infidelity, Smut, Blood, Dark Romance, Death

Blind Faith

~What if the cure was never really a cure? What if the curse was too strong and her love was too weak?~ Demon!Dean x Reader, Sam Winchester.  9,760 Words

NSFW, Dark Fic, DbCn, NCn, Extreme Violence, Blood, Extreme Angst, Major Character Death.

The Beat Of Your Heart

~ Friends become lovers who turn into the darkest evil that one can endure… ~

Dean Winchester x F!Reader; Michael!Dean x F!Reader

8,587 Words

NSFW, Fluff, Cute Banter, Friends To Lovers, There Was Only One Bed!?, All the Sex, Passionate Love, Hope, *record scratch*, Extreme Angst, Violence, NonCon, Torture, Blood, Major Character Death

His Return

~Walking alone at night can be deadly.~

Vampire!Dean Winchester x Reader

1,780 Words

Warnings: NSFW, Major Character Death, Vampirism. 

Taking Over Me

~Dean’s guilty pleasure comes to life and Y/N gets tangled in the mix…~

Dean Winchester x F!Reader 

3800 Words

Warnings: NSFW. Monster Fucking. Tentacles. All The Way Through Tentacles. Cum. Poison. Possession. Allll the fucked up things.

[alyssaswrld999]

I'm Broken And I Don't Want To Be Sammy

( Sam Winchester x Reader)

Warnings: deppression, suicidal thoughts, deep conversations, broken feelings, self harm, etc.

Y/n's pov:

I never looked at the world so differently until now. Never knew that I could go down into a pit of emotions that kill me every single day. To were it makes me feel that no one needs me anymore...

That no one will miss me...

That it's ok to leave this world behind...

"Y/n you okay" Sam asked. I look up at Sam getting out of my trace of thoughts. "Yeah I'm alright Sam" I said giving a decent smile. I look down and get back to researching our case. It seems we are dealing with a ghost of some sort which is never good.

"Listen to this according to the crime scenes and deaths that have happened in the past five years they all are near this old mental asylum at a 10 mile radius at least. And they are even killed the same way which is all suicide" Sam said.

Dealing with a case that involved ghosts used to make me sick to my stomach but now from the way I've been feeling for awhile it doesn't bother me much anymore. The fate I seek lately by any paranormal creature now is just plain and simple its just becoming the term "it is what it is".

"So it sounds like we could have ghost possession?" I said. "I think Y/n's right because we did have a case similar to this before" Dean added. Sam closed his laptop and looked at Dean. "Well then let's go check it out" Sam said.

➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️

We finally make it to Louisiana and arrive at a motel for the night. "I'm gonna go get a drink I'll see you guys in the morning" Dean said. I rolled my eyes and got out of the impala and made my way towards the motel door of our room. "Always Dean leaving at the worst moments" I thought.

Sam's pov:

"I'm gonna go get a drink I'll see you guys in the morning" Dean said. After Dean said that Y/n gets out of the car and she seems angry. Also including the fact that she didn't grab her bag. "Hey uh do you think Y/n is acting strange" Dean asked.

I looked at Dean and back to the motel door. "Yeah I do I mean she's been acting strange for a couple of weeks" I answered. I was worried about her she just seemed numb as if she couldn't feel anything of a happy thought.

"Well just make sure to keep an eye on her while I'm gone. Maybe talk to her I don't know Sammy. We don't need to lose anyone else" Dean said. I nodded my head and got out of the impala and went to the trunk. "I just hope she's gonna be ok" I thought.

➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️

Y/n's pov:

I enter the motel room and it wasn't as bad as some we have stayed in before. It was different because it was more "Country Life" themed. There was even a cow picture on the wall.

"Never thought I would seen a more beautiful room" I thought. This room sorta gave me peace for now which is more peace that I've felt in awhile. Sure it doesn't fully help me feel better but it's still comforting.

As I go into the motel bathroom Sam entered. "Y/n I'm gonna put your bag on one of the beds" Sam said. I peek out of the bathroom and looked to see Sam's back facing me. "Thanks Sam" I said.

Sam turned around and seen me for a second before I went back into the bathroom. He seemed concerned but I couldn't worry about the way he feels right now.

I close the bathroom door and I look at myself in the mirror. There was bags under my eyes and it looks like I haven't slept in days. I mean technically I haven't wanted to eat anything or sleep. Haven't even really eaten a proper meal in five days.

"Why would Sammy want me as his girlfriend?" I thought. I've done things and I just feel that eventually both Dean and Sam won't want me around anymore. I keep having dreams of everyone even Castiel saying that "I'm horrible", "I need to die", etc.

As I get out of my trace of thoughts I look down to wash my face. As I look up again Lucifer was beside me. I then froze and couldn't move from where I was. "Hi Y/n" Lucifer said with a grin on his face.

"Why are you here why now why are you bothering me" I asked. Lucifer just smiles at me then walks towards me. "I'm just here to talk to you I mean technically I'm your only friend at this moment isn't that right" Lucifer said.

I look away and then look down at my hands. "No your not real get out of my head" I said. Lucifer laughs as if I was joking. "No what I think you need to do Y/n is give in to how you feel. Sam and Dean are tired of protecting you. There tired of you being a pathetic waste of a hunter" Lucifer said.

I shook my head and I covered my ears to ignore what he was telling me. "Leave me alone just leave me alone" I mumbled. "As you wish Y/n I'll leave you be for now at least" Lucifer said then dissappered.

I look around to see Lucifer was gone but I still had this weird feeling. I open the bathroom door to go and grab an outfit and some of my toiletries. As I walk back I noticed Sam wasn't in the motel room.

Then I seen a note on the table beside his laptop. "Y/n I went to go a get us something to eat I'll be back soon -Sam". Well that's good because it gives me time to be alone. I enter the bathroom and turn on the shower.

I grab my phone and start to play "Behind Blue Eyes". This should ease off on how I'm feeling for a bit and it's also a good song to.

No one knows what it's like to be the bad man...

I just wanted to feel peace and not feel empty. I just wanted to feel happy again with Sam and Dean. But lately I've just felt this way because of everything with Crowely, Castiel, etc.

To be the sad man behind blue eyes...

I just want to be normal again and not broken. I'm tired of feeling like everything is my fault. Castiel losing his grace, Crowley trying to kill Sam and Dean, Lucifer tormenting Sam.

And no one knows what its like to be hated...

I just don't want to wake up one day and be told that everyone hates me. That I don't deserve to be happy with the people I love the most.

To be fated to telling only lies...

But what if this is all a lie? I keep secrets away from Sam and Dean so they won't worry about me. Especially about Lucifer speaking to me and tormenting me.

But my dreams, they aren't as empty...

I just want to feel better and the only way is to do the thing that isn't ok. I open my makeup bag and pull out my raiser. I take the blade and hold it In my hand.

I then roll up my sleeve and cut. I don't know how many times I did but it just kept going....

As my conscience seems to be...

All I see is blood and I then stop what I'm doing. There is now 28 new cuts on my arm. And I felt horrible and at peace in a non-normal comforting way.

I strip out of my clothing and then step inside the shower to clean off all the dirt and nature off my body. I haven't showered in days and I finally have the chance to do now.

I have hours, only lonely...

I felt alone and I just couldnt get that off my mind. I love Sam and Dean and I care about them. I just can't let then see me like this.

➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️

Sam's pov:

As Y/n went to the bathroom I decided to go and get us something to eat. I can tell she hasn't been herself lately and when I would try and talk to her about it she would push me away.

I can't force her to talk because I don't wanna make her feel forced to do anything. I just don't want her to hurt.

I left a note on the table to let her know where I was going so she wouldn't worry or anything. I just don't want her to ever think that I'm gonna leave her.

➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️

Y/ns pov:

After 20 minutes I finally got done taking a shower and I put my new pair of clothes on. Which was a brown Tennesse long sleeved pajama shirt and a pair of Sam's boxers.

I remember the first time I took these boxers and weared them in front of Sammy. He was happy and thought it was cute so he let me keep them.

It brought me a comforting feeling and it made me forget what I did earlier to my arm. I just don't want Sam to notice what I've done. And I don't feel like getting yelled at by both Dean and Sam for this.

I noticed that my phone turned off and it stopped the song that was playing. I clicked the play button and it continues where it left off.

My love is vengeance that's never free...

No one knows what it's like to feel these feelings...

Like I do, and I blame you...

No one bites back as hard on their anger...

I grab my hairbrush and start brushing my hair while the song continues to play. It was almost over anyway so why not listen to it.

None of my pain and woe can show through...

But my dreams, they arent as empty...

Then suddenly the motel door opens and I heard a plastic bag rustle. "Sams back" I thought. I finally get done brushing my hair and I turn off the song.

I make sure I look ok and I walk out of the bathroom. "Hey Sammy" I said. Sam looks up and smiles at me. "Hey beautiful I just got back and I got us Chinese food" Sam said holding up the bags of food.

I gave him a big smile and I walk over to him. When I get in front of Sam I rest my head against his chest and wrap my arms around his waist.

"Hey what's this for" Sam said. I moved my face more into his chest and I held on for dear life. Eventually Sam puts the food down and hugs me back. "Hey sweetheart whats wrong" Sam asked. I then just broke down.

I started crying and I couldn't stop the tears from falling. "I'm broken.. and I don't want to be sammy" I mumbled. Sam then picked me up and held me in his arms. I wrapped my legs around him and just held onto him.

"Y/n talk to me sweetheart please I need you to tell me what's wrong" Sam pleaded. I pull away and look at Sam. "I've just been feeling not myself lately... I wanna tell you everything but I don't want you to leave me Sam" I said.

Sam looked at me and paused. He looked as if I was crazy and joking. "Y/n I'm never gonna leave you I love you to much and I would never do that to you" Sam said.

"I love you to Sammy"

[daughterofcain-67]

𝕽𝖆𝖎𝖘𝖊𝖉 𝖎𝖓 𝕭𝖑𝖔𝖔𝖉 (𝔭𝔱.4)

(Dean Winchester x Reader)

(masterlist)

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: After Sam and Dean have finally found you, they ask for your help to find Metatron so Dean will be able to defeat him. But how will something as simple as being around another holder of the mark effectively both you and Dean? Will it even effect either of you at all? Come to find out, angels are killing themselves in Castiel's name.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Seasons nine and ten spoilers so please be warned. Primarily (but not accurately) based on Season 9 Episode 22 : Stairway to Heaven. The episode will float into part 5. Torture, violence, death, mentions of suicide, may not be suitable for all audiences.

Previously…

The burning in your arm was different. And it was more intense than what you’ve ever felt before. You knew you didn’t feel it with your father because that was a mere vision but this? This was real. He was coming.

Dean Winchester was there.

Then your gaze landed on the slightly shorter hunter and you knew he just had to be Dean. He had they eyes of a killer and you could see it now. You saw why he was worthy to bare the mark. He had already seen and done so much and you were sure of it.

The mark on Dean’s arm burned to such an intensity, he knew that there was sort of connection between the two of them. He looked at his brother Sam who was trying to fake the fact that he didn’t know what this girl was talking about. If this was about the Mark of Cain, he knew that he and Sam needed to have a talk. A serious one at that.

Somehow, Sam was the one that convinced you to join them and meet their angel friend, Castiel. Never in the centuries you've been alive have you ever thought that you'd meet an angel. But then again you've heard of their fall and to you they didn't seem to be as big of a threat as they used to be.

You couldn't help but feel a little awkward though while you sat in the back of Dean's car. You could tell that there was some kind of tension between the two brothers. It's not like you knew what it was.

You wondered how the Hell you were supposed to get to know these people. And why did they think you could help with anything? Why would they think that you would even want to help?

You remembered your father's words, remembering that he said to go along with these brothers. You had heard of two brothers saving the world, and a part of you wondered how they could manage that if they got tense like this.

Taking in a deep breath, you began to speak.

"So... what exactly is this Castiel is wanting to know?" You asked.

"Well, you see, Y/N.. Castiel and the both of us have been searching for Metatron. And he mentioned to me that someone like you could be of some help. Hopefully.” Sam told you

“Plus, there was a report of an angel missing. We don’t know if it was one of Castiel’s angels or Metatron’s. We think the vessel could have been possessed by a demon, overpowering the angel, when he came to look for you.” He continued and you remembered the very first demon that came to your tattoo parlor.

"I can confirm there was a demon there. The angel seemed to be long gone though. And the vessel... it perished with the demon." You confessed.

"You think the angel found a new vessel before goin' back to Cass?" Sam asked his brother, as if he was hoping for some kind of dialogue. But the older brother let out some kind of grunt, as if he had something a little different on his mind.

"Maybe. Still don't know why demons would get involved with this whole thing." Dean said, gaze never leaving the road ahead of them.

You subconsciously placed a hand over your mark, knowing damned well why that demon came. But you didn't think it would really be worth mentioning. Cain didn't have anything to do with Metatron, neither do you. And you don't care what Crowley was looking for you for.

"Back to the Metatron thing... how exactly are you thinking of handling him? He's not an ordinary angel you know." You said, changing the topic a little. Anything would beat the silence among you and these two practical strangers.

"The First Blade."

Those three words flowed from Dean so effortlessly. Hearing him even talk about the powerful weapon almost put you in a trance. You had heard of all of it's corrupted and bloody splendor. But you yourself had never been able to use is. Your father wielded it for years before he parted from it. Who knew where it was.

"How are you supposed to get your hands on it? No one knows where it is and you'd have to have a specific tracking spe-"

"One step ahead of you. We've already got he blade and-" Sam began.

"Not for much longer..." Dean interrupted.

"Well... We may have to entrust it to Crowley again for the time being until we can locate Metatron."

You looked at Sam before looking at Dean. It was gradually coming together. The blade and his mark, is that what the two are tense about right now?

You shifted your gaze to the window and watched as all the trees seemed to zoom by while Dean drove.

"It's a safe precaution whether you like it or not, Dean." You managed to speak.

"Yeah and what the Hell do you know about precautions with that thing? We know you've never used it so what do you know about what it's like?" Dean asked and you rolled your eyes and started to glare at the hunter.

"I knew it was in the bottom of the deepest ocean. I spied on Cain the night that it happened. When he left, I went to the bottom of that ocean and retrieved it. I had my share of killing with it and trust me, its more intense for demons than it could ever be for a mortal like you. I know exactly what the high is like. I know the great urge it gives you because I've used it on many before going into hiding. Demons looked for me when I left Hell. And there was a reason they didn't know where I was for so long." You said as the car came to a stop. Apparently they were wherever this angel's base was.

Then you saw Dean look at you in the rearview mirror and you spoke again.

"Just because you're the legendary Dean Winchester, just because you have that mark, because my father thought you were worthy of the mark, and just because you think you're a strong enough hunter, does not mean you are above precaution."

"That blade is like the worst kind of poison but the best kind of drug. And if you want to hold on to your own humanity, to hold on to your brother, you'd thank him to give that blade to Crowley, even if he is the scum of the earth." You said as you got out of the car and nearly slammed the door behind you.

Sam and Dean were both rendered a little speechless. Neither of them were initially sure of what to say when they watched you get out of the car. Then Sam looked at Dean with a brow arched.

"What did she mean when she mentioned Cain seeing something in you?" Sam asked and Dean shook his head, not really wanting to get into it with him.

"I can't believe you and Cass knew about her. What is this supposed to be? Some kind of intervention? I swear it's always something with you and this damned thing when you know I'm right and we need the blade." Dean said only for Sam to scoff.

The two brothers got out of the car and they lead you into Cass's base. Once they did, Dean saw Castiel making his way over.

"Good, you're here. There's been a complication." Castiel spoke in his typical monotonous tone.

Dean's brows narrowed and the three of you followed the angel before they were in the part of his quarters where the other angels were working on their computers, soundboards and other devices.

All of the angels looked at the four of you. Although you felt singled out because you were the only demon amongst angels. Castiel reassured them you were there to help. You were sure they had questions but it's not like they asked. Not yet anyway.

"You guys are going to want to see this." One of the other angels said and Castiel, Sam, and Dean all went to the angel's computer and looked on the screen.

What the three of them saw was an angel in a trench coat going into an ice cream parlor. He tore open the coat to reveal some sort of carving in his chest and the angel shouted "I do this for Castiel!"

The next thing they saw, the angel used a blade on himself, a little girl screamed and everyone in that parlor was killed. Six humans were killed in the crossfire.

Dean's jaw clenched when he watched everything. He knew this was bad. His gut was telling him that there was no way Castiel could orchestrate something like this. But he looked over at the trench coat wearing angel and put his hands in his pockets.

"What the Hell did you do? What the Hell was that?" Dean asked sternly. "Did you know anything about this?"

"No, of course I didn't. I would never ask one of my own to kill innocents." Castiel assured and looked at the screen again at the symbol. Meanwhile Dean looked skeptical. This wouldn't be the first time the angel has lied to his face.

"Cass, why would an angel blow up an ice cream shop in your name?" Sam asked, confused but a part of him wanted to believe Castiel. He just wanted to get to the bottom of this whole thing.

"Wait a moment, there was an angel there. Esther." Hannah, one of Castiel's angels began. "She's one of Metatron's."

"Oh so this really was a hit?" Dean asked and crossed his arms.

"Dean you can't honestly believe I did something like this."

"Look I know you have good intentions, I do. You try. But this whole thing is more like a cult! But the last time you tried to be a leader you killed both angels and humans! It didn't matter to you and you lied about it!" Dean said.

"Guys, let's take this somewhere else." Sam said.

You watched the three of them go up to Castiel's office. You weren't sure if you were to follow them or not so you stayed. You wanted to gather at least some kind of information about this operation.

After all you had basically lived under a rock so to speak and all you had to go on was what your father told you in that vision.

"So what are you really doing here, Demon? Is Crowley trying to corrupt this operation?" An angel asked.

You looked at one of them and lifted a brow.

"It isn't any business of yours whether I even work with Crowley or not. I don't care if he's the King of Hell, I don't care if Metatron wins or loses. I don't even care about this little cult type thing you have going on. The Winchesters swooped me up and said I could be useful for something and I'm just along for the ride." You said.

"Yeah. Likely story coming from a liar." another backtalking angel spoke and stood up.

You didn't know if he was trying to start a fight but you rolled up your sleeves and got prepared.

Hannah was the first one that noticed your mark and she delicately placed a hand on you. "If Castiel says you are here to help, he is to be believed." then she looked at the angel causing a problem.

"Have a seat and see if you can track down the angel that's missing. Castiel will want a report on Josiah to know he is unharmed. We know he was going to Colorado so find out why he was going there. There's something suspicious going on and we need to be prepared for whatever Castiel orders us to do next." Hannah advised and he did as he was told.

Then Hannah looked at you. You saw some sort of softness in her eyes despite the obvious skepticism you couldn't blame her for.

"I don't know why Castiel insisted you help us. Or why the Winchesters insisted you join them. But we really don't mean any harm. We simply want to go home. when this is all over." She told you.

You looked at her with confusion. Why was she believing you? In all honesty you didn't think you could even help with this matter. You really did feel like you were along for the ride and just wanting to know why Sam and Dean came to your parlor. Unless the boys weren't telling you everything yet.

Dean still didn't like the idea of any of this. They still had an angelic civil war going on in the sidelines. Cass shouldn't be leading especially after what happened the last time he tried to rebel. So many died in the crossfire all for "good intentions" that fell through.

"Look, guys. All we need to focus on right now is that there's a case and we need to work it. So, Cass. Did you know the angel in the video?" Sam asked, trying to be a mediator before a new hell broke loose and they'd never get anything done.

"Yes, his name was Oren. He was a new recruit. He worked at a community out reach. The angels in my charge are typically in hospitals helping where they can through minor miracles. Nothing to draw attention." Castiel explained.

"Yeah well this is a hell of a way to help the community." Dean muttered and Sam rolled his eyes.

"What do you know about the markings on his chest?" Sam said, trying his best to stay on track.

Castiel glared at Dean for the comment and knew he was going to be stubborn for a while and he looked back at Sam, "Enochian Runes. I think they must've been for focusing energy. When he stabbed himself, it resulted in the unleashing of that power."

"So if Esther was the target, what happened to her?" Sam asked.

"If she was the primary target, then if the energy was that intense then she would be atomized and reduced to nothing." Castiel said. Then there was some sort of silence.

"So what is our next step? What should we do?"

"Well you're not to do anything. We need to do some investigating and if the other angels think that you're really behind all this, they won't do any talking if you're around." Dean said sternly.

"You cannot expect me to sit here and do nothing. If you do not want my help or assistance I will go and search for Josiah. His trail was going to Colorado so that is where I will look. I have to do something."

"Alright, you know what? Fine. But Sam is going with you." Dean said and both Sam and Castiel looked.

"Because you don't trust me?"

"No, he'll be there to help."

The night came and Sam drove Castiel's vehicle to go to Colorado. Now was a good a time as any to fill Castiel in.

"Abaddon is dead. And then some. Dean really took it too far and I'm glad we followed up on that rumor. She's more than a rumor now. Maybe she can convince Dean to ease up on everything." Sam said.

"Have the effects worsened after you found her?" Castiel asked, knowing the effects of the mark were already bad for Dean. Of course he was always angry and on edge, but intensified tenfold.

"Oddly enough, it hasn't gotten worse. But we haven't given it much time to see if it will help or harm Dean any further. Although they did have a bit of a fight and it's clear Y/N knows a few things about what Dean is going through. Maybe he can learn some things from her."

"What did they fight about?"

"Well I can't really say fight, more of Dean saying something he shouldn't have and Y/N giving him an earful before we went into your little compound. She said that the blade is like the worst poison but the best drug. She said she's used it before and used them on some of the demons that tried to follow her and take her back to Hell. I assumed sometime after that before she went into hiding she tossed it back to wherever Crowley found it." Sam explained.

"She said it was more intense for her as a demon than it could ever be for Dean since he was human. And... and that he should listen to me if he wants to hold on to his humanity."

"Hold on to his humanity.. You don't think she's referring to what happened to her father do you?" Castiel inquired.

"I don't know. Maybe. I just hope he won't get to that point. She made the suggestion we give the blade to Crowley. But I partially agree with Dean. We need it to kill Metatron. Crowley is next on the list anyways. But if Dean can just agree to leaving the blade behind and using it only for emergencies, for the big boss fights, that would be great and it would be one of the bigger steps he would need to take."

"But it's hard to get him to agree to it?"

"Cass, we've been arguing about that blade too many times. It's honestly so tiring and he doesn't want to listen. He's so set on taking it everywhere..."

"What if you gave it to Y/N? For safe keeping?"

"Do you really think we should take a risk like that? She went into hiding to stay out of the demons way because of Abaddon. Now that her mother's dead, giving that blade to her may be just as bad of a mistake as Dean even accepting the mark."

"She would have a better handle of the effects. She used the blade and she was the one that chose to throw it back where she found it. She did it willingly, without having a sibling to argue with her about it."

Sam stayed silent for a few moments, honestly considering the angel's words. He knew Dean wanted to be the one that killed Metatron. And honestly, you didn't seem like you cared enough to kill Metatron so that wouldn't be an issue. It would be a matter of convincing Dean to let you have it for a while.

"You know.. it might work. I don't know how Dean will handle it but maybe while she has it in a safe place, she can teach Dean how to cope with the effects before he changes forever." Sam said.

"I wish you luck.. with Dean, I know you're going to need it."

Dean stayed behind in Cass' quarters to... interrogate... some angels that Cass said worked in the hospital to see if he can get any leads on Oren.

He sat down at a table across from an angel so they could talk.

"He was a joy to be around. He was bright."

"Yeah, lovely. But why would he light up his own fuse with that explosive personality you liked so much." Dean said, clearly unamused.

"You think this is funny? I don't have any information. So if you could just let me go, I have lives to save. Unlike you." The angel said and Dean's hands turned into a fist in his lap.

"And what's that supposed to mean, exactly?"

"You think you save people but you do more harm than good. I clear up a clogged artery here and there, remove some blood clots. But you? It's like the only way to solve a problem is with a gun or knife. You pretend to do good but you're nothing but a killer and you know it." the angel said.

"Your soul will be forever stained with red and I hate men like you."

That was it for Dean. He had it up to this point and flipped the table on its side. He lunged at the angel in her chair and tossed her back against the floor.

He pulled an angel blade out and held it against her neck and glared, the light no longer shining in his eyes and he was doing everything he could not to slice her throat but he knew he needed her alive.

"Honey, there ain't no other men like me."

With the threat of her life on the line, the angel revealed the name Constantine. He was one of Oren's supposed friends. Then there was the name Tessa. The same Tessa that Dean recognized. The one that's come after his soul once or twice. What would she have anything to do with this?

He let go of her and the angel got up and left the room. But not before giving Dean a disgusted look.

Oh what Dean would have given to stab her then and there but he knew that if he did he would never hear the end of it from Sam.

But then his mind floated back to what you said that day.

What if you were right about the blade? Unfortunately he had lied to Sam about taking it along for this hunt. He never knew when they would need it and Dean didn't want to have a need for it on a hunt one day only for it to be back at the Bunker.

He couldn't be without that blade and while you may have been right about the effects, he knew you would agree about the sort of calm that it gives you when you simply hold it. It's like a relief to what you're feeling because of that curse.

But another thing that was puzzling to him was despite the obvious tension in the car between him and his brother, having you there was another kind of calm, similar to what the First Blade gave even when the burning was more intense in your first encounter.

Speaking of the devil, you walked into the room.

On your way down the hall you saw an angel rushing to get as far away from Dean as possible. All you wanted to do was find out how the discussion went and from the looks of it, it didn't go very well.

When you were in the room, you saw Dean pinching the bridge of his nose and his brows were narrowed. You saw a table flipped on its side and a chair tossed down with Dean standing beside it.

You presumed he sensed your presence because he let his hand down and looked at you.

"What? Are you here to tell me I went too far or something?" He asked and you knew he was frustrated. You didn't know the amount of what he had on his plate.

"The opposite, actually. I half expected to find you standing over a dead body and the angel with a knife in her neck." You said bluntly and Dean rolled his eyes.

You sighed and you walked over to him.

"Look, I know we didn't start on the right foot. Especially with your little comment about the first blade earlier. I don't know who's idea it was to look for me. Frankly I don't care who you kill or don't kill. I'm still lost as to why people think I can help with anything but I really can't. I'm just a demon parading as a tattoo artist." You began.

"But from what I can see, you have a brother who cares about you. He doesn't want you to go down the path Cain did. It's ugly, it's black, it's bloody and he doesn't want to see you turn into something he can't recognize." You said and crossed your arms.

Dean lowered his head and looked down at the angel blade in his hands. Of course he knew Sam had good intentions. Cass always has good intentions. Hell, Dean even has good intentions. But they say the way to Hell is paved with good intentions.

"It's not like there's anything that can be done about the mark. I have it, I'm stuck with it. Might as well use it for whatever good I can before I start weighing people down with it." Dean spoke. This was probably the most he's been open about this sort of thing.

All he ever really tells Sam is that he's fine. He's fantastic. He can't really be honest with his own brother about it because he could never understand what he's going through.

"How bad is it?" You asked.

"What?"

"How bad is the mark effecting you? Really?"

"Don't you think we can talk about this a little later? We have a reaper to find and I need to tell Sam what's going on."

You shouldn't be surprised. And honestly from what you saw that day, you weren't surprised that he would shut you down that fast. You were still a practical stranger, but you knew he wasn't above working with demons if he went with Crowley to find Cain in the first place.

"Oh stop trying to be one of those stoic pinheads that hold their traumatic shit in all the damn time and take their problems out on everyone. Cain's who knows where, Crowley doesn't know what you're going through and Sam could never even begin to fathom the weight of everything." You said.

"We're on a car ride for barely a day and we've known each other for a matter of hours and you think you know what's going on with me? Get over yourself. We have a job to do." Dean said and tried to walk away.

You rolled your eyes and waved your hand and pinned Dean against the wall. You knew Dean was strong as he tried to resist but your grip was firm as you walked over.

"You don't want to open up to me, fine. Don't. But don't ignore me or brush me off." You said before slowly releasing your grip so he could stand on his own.

You took his arm, ignoring his protests, and you rolled up his sleeve to reveal his mark. You barely let our thumb graze over it, Dean didn't move. Instead, you could feel him get a little less tense.

"I don't know exactly why Sam wanted you to come along. But if he expect you to talk me into slowing down he really needs to understand that I'm fine. Everyone's got their shit they need to handle and this is mine." Dean told you in a less argumentative tone.

"Then you really need to start asking yourself how far you're willing to go. How many people are you willing to lose? How many loved ones will you leave behind because you won't accept the help. This mark? It's not a gift, Dean. It's a curse. And you have no idea what you've gotten yourself into." You said and looked up at him.

"Just something to think about. Now let's go find your little reaper."

Dean watched you walk out of the room and that pain in his arm came back. He didn't flinch since he was used to it, but the fact that it actually subsided for a while baffled him.

He started thinking about what you said. He still didn't like the fact that Sam would go behind his back like this just to get someone like you to talk to him. But all of this talk of a curse coming from a demon, maybe Dean should put things into perspective just a little more. As much as Sam was a pain in the ass, he still didn't want to lose the only family he had left.

Thank you guys for reading! I didn't want this to be too long of a chapter but you can expect part 5 to be released soon and it will have this episode as part of its continuation! Thank you to all of you who have been giving me feedback, it really is much appreciated. I'm so glad you all have come this far with this story with me and I'm excited to see where it goes! Feel free to give me your hypothesis on what could happen next between the reader and the Winchesters!

tag list:

@roseblue373 @johannelis2302nely @justtrying2getby-blog @deans-spinster-witch @alternativeprincess94 @doctorlexilouwhosblog

[paarthurnax59]

"Family Don't End in Blood"

Pairings: Dean Winchester x Ex!Pregnant!Reader, Steve Rogers x Pregnant! Reader (Eventually)

Warnings: Angst, kidnapping, Dean is a major dick, mentions of abortion, Sam and Castiel being cowards, violence, depression, breakup, heartbreak, some suicidal thoughts, talks of homelessness, Steve being a dependable and lovable puppy, Bucky and Sam best friends and uncles, moving on, second chance, childbirth, mentions of smut, adoption, weddings, slow burn romance, and fluff.

Summary: You and Dean have been in a relationship for three years and you honestly thought your life couldn’t be any better. Living at the bunker, you were both so in love and never thought that nothing could ever separate you two. Until you found out you had gotten pregnant, and Dean telling you he didn’t want the baby. He said it was either him or the kid. You made your choice and Dean breaks your heart. Months later, you were near homelessness and at your absolute lowest point. Before things got it's absolute worse, an angel disguised as an unworldly, handsome man with bright blue eyes comes to be you and your unborn child’s saving grace. Showing you once and for all that family doesn't end in blood.

(Note: I do not own Marvel or Supernatural. All rights go to their respective owners!)

Please reblog, like comment and follow for more and please do not repost, copy or resubmit my work!

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

More to come....

[me-and-my-3lovers]

A Bond Never Meant to Be

Alpha!Castiel x Omega!Reader, Alpha!Apocalypse!Castiel

What happens when you are trapped in a room, ready to be tortured by your boyfriend’s evil doppelgänger?

MINORS DNI, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: SELF HARM/ MUTILATION, SUICIDE, Forced Claiming, angst, Torture, There are other ones I just can't think of

Masterlist

Italics are your thoughts

"You are quite the interesting specimen." The voice sounded like Cas but not quite, it was too mean, too calculating. "Take the bag off her head." He commanded. Your eyes didn't need much time adjusting to the dim room, seeing Charlie and Ketch were being tortured by angels in military gear. What towered over you was Castiel, not your Cas, he smelled smelled... off, but he looked identical. "It'll be so easy breaking an omega."

"Don't you touch her," Ketch tried to sound intimidating, but he was coughing up too much blood for that, "You'll regret it."

"There has not been an omega in this world for decades," This evil Castiel bent over to inspect you, "I wouldn't even have to break her mind like the red-head." He turned your head over to see Charlie, slumped over and unconscious. You were too scared to speak, watching as this Castiel smiled down at you. "I can smell your fear, delicious. Don't worry my little omega, I won't hurt a hair on your pretty little head. You will be telling me everything I want to know, of your own volition."

"Screw you! I will tell you nothing!"

Castiel chuckled at you little outburst. Moving closer to your ear he whispered, "You will tell me everything you know, one way or another."

You couldn’t breath, the world stopped and shattered. He claimed you.

"You Bastard!" Ketch screamed, earning himself a blow to the kidneys, "I'll kill you."

"Now, you are going to be a good little omega and tell me where the rebels are hiding," Castiel started petting your hair, "Before I have to kill both of them."

The next few moments went by in a blur, you think it was Sam and Dean, maybe Mary too, who came busting in guns blazing. Evil Castiel ran out the door while his subordinates got stabbed with angel blades. You remember Ketch trying to tell them to check on you, and then you were free, Sam cut the ropes holding you to the chair and gave you his jacket.

"You ok?" You could only nod. Sam tried to shake your shoulders before walking you outside. You were grateful for the jacket, it smelled like home.

Cas was right outside when you opened the door, you could see him stabbing his doppelgänger and then a bright flash of light. You walked over to your Cas, falling into his arms, unable to suport yourself anymore, and Cas carried you bridal style away from the building. Cas smelled wrong, he didn't smell like your mate anymore.

"Are you ok?" Cas asked when he felt your tears on his trench coat.

"I'm fine, I just want to go home." You sniffled a bit, "everything'll be fine when we get home." You were exhausted, falling asleep on your way too the base.

--

When you woke up you were on a bus, Charlie was sitting next to you.

"Where are we going?"

"Back to your world, the rift is still open." The bus stopped and everyone was rushing out. Charlie was right, the rift was still open, but it looked weak, like it might close at any moment.

When you tried to get up your legs gave out and you fell back on the seat, everyone on the bus evacuated except for you, stuck there like a newborn fawn. You made no attempt to get up again, or call for help, you were just laying on the bus seat, no will power left to move. You wondered if anyone would come back for you, you hoped they didn't.

Coming back would waste time they didn't have, and maybe I deserve to be stuck here. You thought to yourself. If I die, is my soul stuck here? Would Cas forgive me? He shouldn't, I someone else claimed me, taking away our life together.

"There you are sweetie,"

"Gabriel," He lifted you up and ran out of the bus.

"I know, I'm your hero, but the rift is closing and Lucifer can only hold back Michael for so long." You turned and saw Michael and Lucifer locked in combat, and Lucifer didn't look too hot. "Sam Dean! Go! I Got her!"

Sam and Dean waited until you were right behind them before going through. "It's gonna be a tight squeeze, hold on." Gabriel said, holding you tighter.

The rift closed right behind you and Gabriel, no chance for Michael or Lucifer to come back through.

"Cassie, looking for someone?" Gabriel said with a shit eating grin.

"Can you just take me to my room?" You whispered in his ear.

"But everyone is celebrating, and you haven't even seen Cas yet,"

"Please Gabe..." You sounded so weak that Gabriel listened and took you back to your room and laid you on your bed.

"I'll have Cas come back with chicken noodle soup." Gabe promised, You nodded your head before he closed your door.

You got up from your bed and went to your dresser for your hunting knife. You cut your hand and started drawing warding sigils with your blood, making sure you wouldn't have unwanted angels sneaking in. Next you grabbed a sock to try and muffle the sounds of what would come next. Moving to your sink, you turned on the water and shook off Sam's jacket, removing your shirt, you saw the mark on your neck. It looked red and angry, with dried blood all over it.

There was only one way to get rid of a mating bond.

You balled the sock up and put it in your mouth. You hesitated for a moment. This was the most painful thing an omega could ever do to them selves, and there'd be no going back from here. I'd never be able to have a mate ever again, Cas could never claim me. Is it worth it?

You plunged the knife into your mating gland, the pain crippling you. You couldn't hold back the scream the escaped you.

"Y/N!!" you could hear dishes shatter and Cas yelling outside your door, "Are You hurt?! What's going on?!" The knob jiggled but the door didn't budge, "Open the door!"

You wanted to go towards him, to have him heal you, but you couldn't. He won't be able to look me in the eyes after this, all I'll be to him is a weak disappoint. You dragged the knife through the wound to open it up enough to see inside.

"Sam, Dean!!" Cas was shouting for the brothers. "Please, open the door, let me in," he leaned on the door, "I know you're hurting, I want to help you."

The tears falling down your face weren't from the pain anymore. You don't want to help me, at least you wouldn't if you knew what he'd done. Through all the blood and tears dripping down your neck and chest, you could see your mating gland in the mirror.

"Y/N, Open this door!" You heard Dean banging on the wood, "Open it or I'm getting an axe and chopping it down!" He tried frantically jiggling the knob, "Why can't we smell you anymore? WHY CAN'T WE SMELL YOU ANYMORE?!" You heard dean bang on the door one last time before running off, probably to get the aforementioned axe.

"'Mega, please, I still need you." Cas plead through the door.

Cutting through whatever veins or soft tissue was connecting your mating gland to your body, you pulled it out and threw it in the trash can next to you. You felt light headed and airy, the world seemed dull and scentless. You closed your eyes and took a deep inhale, there was nothing, no fear or anxiety or anger in the air, just nothing. The world seemed darker too, colors weren't as sharp anymore and everything seemed to be more grey and black.

"It's ok Cas, everything's ok." you called out.

"Open the door, please!" Cas called out, "Open the door for me."

He must not have heard you, "Everything's fine." you call out again while closing your eyes, everything's fine. In fact, everything's better than fine. Life couldn't be better.

--

You woke up next to Cas in your bed, both of you tangled up in the bedsheets. Cas cupped your cheek and kissed you hard, "I love you so much y/n, more than you'll ever know." Cas's hand moved down to stroke your mating gland, "I can't wait to claim you 'mega."

"Well," you rolled to straddle Cas, your hands resting on his solid chest, "don't wait too long, an omega can only handle so much teasing." You chuckled, pulling Cas up for another kiss.

"Once we get back from the Apocalypse world, I promise." Cas sat up to look you in the eyes. "I'm very good at keeping my promises."

"I'll be waiting mister." You chuckled before kissing him again.

--

Dean finally broke through the warding and brought down your door. Cas was the first one inside and rushed to your body. You were lying on the ground, eyes closed and covered in blood, the knife still in your hand. Cas cradled you, trying to heal the wound in your neck.

Dean came around to grab Cas' shoulder. "Cas, is she...?" Dean trailed off, not being able to think about loosing you.

"She's not- she can't be-" no matter how much Cas tried, your body remained still, cold and lifeless.

[thewrittingratt]

Jo here with the Rules For Requesting!

Things I won't write

homophobia, Transphobia, anything hateful to the lgbtq community

smut(just a personal preference as writing it makes me uncomfy)

Requesting x oc

things to include in your request

the show/movie universe the request takes place in

what they look

their lifestyle

their personality

if it's romantic or platonic

who you are shipping them with(can be multiple characters) or who they are friends with(if it's for a platonic request)

Requesting X Reader

the show/movie universe it takes place

if its romantic or platonic

who they are being shipped with(can be multiple characters) or who they are friends with(if it's for a platonic request)

Fandoms and characters to request from

DC

Arkhamverse

The Batman 2022

Suicide Squad movies

Stranger Things

Jonathan Byers

Steve Harrington

Robin Buckley

Eddie Munson

One Piece Live Action

Buggy

Shanks

Zoro

Sanji

Slashers

Norman Bates

Otis Driftwood

Brahms Heelshire

Bubba Sawyer

Chop Top Sawyer

Stu Macher

Charles Lee Ray

The Lost Boys

Art The Clown

Thomas Hewitt

Stardew Valley

Shane

Sam

Sebastian

Alex

Harvey

Elliott

Emily

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake Peralta

Charles Boyle

The Umbrella Academy

Luther

Klaus

Diego

Ben

Marcus

Alphonso

Supernatural

Dean Winchester

Sam Winchester

Castiel

Crowley

Jack Kline

Gabriel

Scooby Gang

Fred Jones

Shaggy Rogers

Scooby-Doo 2002 and 2004 Movies

What's New Scooby-Doo?

Mystery Incorporated

Basically all the animated 2010s movies

Spiderman ATSV

Hobbie Brown(SpiderPunk)

Pavitr Prabhakar(SpiderMan)

Johnathon Ohnn(The Spot)

Patrick O'Hara(Web-Slinger)

Ben Riley(Scarlet Spider)

Spider Noir

Extra Characters

John Bender(The Breakfast Club)

Andrew Clark(The Breakfast Club)

Brian Johnson(The Breakfast Club)

Beetlejuice(BeetleJuice)

Cameron Frye(Ferris Bueller's Day Off)

!!!

If a fandom or character you would like to request for is not listed feel free to request for that character or fandom anyway and I'll see what I can do!

Prompt list!

https://www.tumblr.com/thewrittingratt/759436500328955904/jos-prompts?source=share

[sarahsmi13s]

Sirens vs Soulmates

(not my gif)

jake ‘hangman’ seresin x floyd!hunter!reader

characters: jake seresin, y/n floyd, robert floyd, dean winchester, sam winchester, bradley bradshaw, the dagger squad, castiel, oc! jimmy (he’s the medical examiner

warnings: THIS FIC IS 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, language, death, suicide, depression, insecurites, cheating, SMUT, blood, legal age drinking, knives, guns, cannon violence, soulmates, i’m sorry if i missed any, please let me know and I will add it to the list

word count: ~12.6k 

a/n: this is a supernatural/top gun crossover fic, this was inspired by @fandomxpreferences and this post and i hope i did the idea justice

lightly proof read

while this could be considered a soulmate au, it’s not as obvious as some

like mentioned in the warning, this fic contains sensitive themes, reader discrection is advised

************

Dean yanked open the car door, letting your head drop. “Fuck!” You hissed when the movement startled you awake.

“Get up, we’re here,” he gruffed out, adjusting his suit jacket. You sat up, flipping him off as you rolled your neck, trying to release the tension caused by your awkward sleeping angle.

You got out of the car, stretching your back and checking your badge. “NCIS Special Agent Gibbs?” You arched an eyebrow at both Winchesters. “Are you trying to get us caught?” “You don’t even know our names yet,” Dean retorted defensively.

Sliding your badge into your jean pocket, you held out your other hand for theirs. “Well, show me.” Sam chuckled and slapped his badge into your hand. You opened it and looked over his credentials. “NCIS Special Agent Sam David?” You pronounced it ‘David’ and not ‘Da-veed’. He nodded, “Helps to keep it a little less suspicious.” You hummed and held your hand out for Dean’s.

He arched a challenging brow, hoping you would drop it. But you pressed and arched a brow right back. He held your eye contact, his eyes cutting as he squinted hoping to intimidate you. You held it, eyes squinting slightly as you held your chin high.

Finally his resolve broke and he rolled his eyes, fishing his badge out of his jacket pocket.

“That wasn’t so hard was it.” You smirked and opened it, “NCIS Special Agent Dean Shepard.” You scoffed and tossed it to him. “Wow, okay. Let’s just get these autopsy results before real NCIS Agents get here.”

You walked ahead going right in with the brothers trailing behind you.

Flashing the badge to the receptionist, “NCIS Special Agent Gibbs. My partners and I are here to talk to the ME. He knows we’re coming.” You made sure to add authority to your voice to show you wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer and that you meant business. Sam and Dean flashed their badges and you were immediately brought back.

“I was wondering when NCIS was gonna show up. Who’s in charge?” Dean stepped forward, “That would be-” The ME shook his head, “No. You’re not in charge.” He looked at you, “You must be Agent Gibbs?”

You fought a smirk and walked forward, “Yeah. That’s me.” You gestured to the latest victim, a young Naval aviator, “Cause of death the same as the other victims?” He nodded, “Yup, gunshot to the temple, gun residue on his dominant hand.” “So why were you waiting on NCIS if you confirmed it a suicide?” You crossed your arms. “Because none of these sailors have a history of depression or suicidal tendencies. And I already told you over the phone Y/N, that I found high levels of oxytocin in all 4 sailors. We both know it’s a siren.”

The brothers shared a confused look behind you.

Sam spoke first, “Hold on, so you know each other?” You nodded, “Went to high school in Wyoming together. Our fathers were best friends, and they went on hunts pretty often.” Sam scoffed, impressed by you. Dean smirked, also impressed but a little upset you didn’t tell them you knew more than you let on.

“You didn’t think to tell us you knew what was happening?” Dean asked, hands on his hips. “Honestly, Dean, I'm surprised you didn’t make the siren joke beforehand. Cause if you had, I might have said something.”

You turned back to your friend, “Jimmy, do you know where sailors and pilots usually like to hang out? Let off some steam?” He nodded, “Yeah, The Hard Deck. It’s the bar closest to the Air Base. You’ll be greeted by a sea of khaki when you walk in.” You nodded, “Thank you, I’ll keep in touch.”

All three of you left and went to the car.

“You’ve got friends in high places Y/N,” Sam said, a smirk on his face as he opened his door. “Oh you don’t even know the half of it.”

Dean turned to you once you slid into the backseat, “How do you have great relations with these people? Everywhere we go, some agent or officer is trying to arrest or kill us.” You shrugged, “I just have a way with people I guess. I try to work with the law instead of against it.”

“You just tell people you’re hunting monsters?” You shrugged, “When you’re in rural areas, they have folklore, use that to your advantage. But in others you just have to either work with the law or let them get themselves into trouble and save their ass.”

Dean rolled his eyes and drove to the bar.

******

When you pulled in you shucked your jacket and gun, but held onto your badge.

“Hey, your gun?” Dean questioned, not seeing it in your waistband when you adjusted your white shirt. You shook your head, “I don’t need it. This is a bar full of Navy personnel, and I’ve had my fair share of bar fights. I think I’ll be fine.”

Dean looked at Sam, thinking maybe he could talk some sense into you. But Sam only shrugged and laughed. “Dean, we literally pulled her out of a bar fight the first time we met her. She’s fine.”  Dean grumbled, not pleased with the fact that you just went in places unarmed considering you knew what lurked in the shadows.

****

You walked in, giving polite nods to the older officers that were in the room and going right up to the bar.

Penny noticed you and came over, “Hi, what can I get you?” You smiled at her, pulling out your badge, “Not drinking tonight. But is it possible if I could ask you a few questions?” She did a quick once over of the bar, “Of course, what do you need to know?” You pulled out the photos of the dead sailors and pilot. “Did you see any of these men here in the past few weeks?” She frowned, “Yes, I did. They were regulars, nice guys -a little cocky- but nice. Shame what happened, they never once gave the impression of being depressed.”

She wiped down the table out of habit. “Why is NCIS looking into suicides?” You leaned against the bar, “Well, we think it may not have been suicides.” She nodded, humming a little, “Anything I can do to help?” You nodded, “Did any of them leave with someone the night they died? Someone they didn’t arrive with?” Penny shrugged, “I’m not sure. Except Lieutenant Crole did leave with a woman pretty early in the night. She came over to him and they hit it off.” “Did you catch her name?” “Haley? Hannah? Something like that.”

“Penny, m’dear,” a voice drawled next to you. “Could I get another round?” You looked over to find a taller man around 6 foot -maybe- with tan skin, sun bleached hair, and striking green eyes. He noticed you looking and smirked at you, “And, uh, whatever she’s having can go on my tab.” You huffed out a laugh, holding up your badge again. “Sorry, cowboy, I’m afraid I can’t tonight.” He frowned a little, “Shame, maybe some other time.” He winked at you and something stirred in your chest.

Penny came back with a tray loaded with bottles. She smirked a little at the interaction happening in front of her, “Hangman, this is Agent…” You held your hand out for him to shake, “Gibbs.” Jake gave you an amused look and shook your hand, “Like the show?” You sighed, smiling a little, “Yeah, like the show.” “Well, let’s hope you’re not as rough around the edges.” You hummed a little, “Rougher.” “Now you’re teasin’ me.”

“Agent Gibbs was asking about those sailors,” Penny prompted him. “Oh the ones that committed suicide?” “Well, we’re thinking it may not be suicide. Did you know any of them?” He shrugged, gathering the drinks, “Knew of them, didn’t know them personally. But some members of my team did.” You eyed the drinks, “Here, let me help you.” You grabbed a few and followed him over.

You both sat the drinks down. “Thanks for the help.” “No problem Lieutenant.” You wiped the condensation on your jeans as you turned around and began to go meet Sam and Dean at the bartop.

“Who’s your friend?” You heard someone ask from behind you, making you stop. “Oh, this is Special Agent Gibbs with NCIS,” Hangman introduced with a smirk, knowing he roped you into the little group.

You turned and nodded to the group, “Hi.” You felt extremely shy and out of your element all of sudden, being under the eyes of at least 7 or so pilots.

“Agent, this is my team. The guy with the pornstache is Rooster, next to him is Phoenix, that’s my best friend Coyote, they’re Payback and Fanboy, and that little wallflower over there is Bob,” Hangman introduced the group by their call signs.

You scanned the group as he did so, waving back when they waved. But when he got to Bob, your stomach turned. “Shit,” you huffed out quietly.

If Hangman heard you, he didn’t acknowledge it. “Agent Gibbs is here investigating the deaths of those sailors and Lieutenant Crole.” “The suicides?” You pulled your eyes from your brother and nodded at the man introduced as Fanboy, “We’re thinking it may not be as simple as it looks. 4 in the course of a month, all in the same fashion… We just want to cover our bases.”

You pulled out a card, “If any of you know anything, you can contact me here.” You dropped it onto the table allowing them to do whatever with it.

“Hey, Floyd, weren’t you close with Petty Officer Chase?” Phoenix asked her backseater, leaning on her pool cue. Bob looked down at his cup of peanuts, “Yeah, I was. We were on the same carrier for a deployment I was on.” You looked at him, “Would you be comfortable answering some questions?” Bob looked up holding eye contact with you and he nodded, but you could see it in his eyes that he wasn’t happy.

You walked over to an area that was close to the group but secluded enough that they wouldn’t hear.

“What the hell are you doing here?” He hissed out, pushing his glasses up. “I’m supposed to be asking the questions here Robert.” “Okay, ask them.” “Do you know who he left with the night he died?” “Y/N, this isn’t the type of case you think it is.” You put your hands on your hips, “Robby, Jimmy found raised levels of oxytocin in their system. It’s exactly what I think it is.” “Just because they had sex before they died doesn’t mean it’s a monster.” You tossed your arms out to your side, “Who offs themselves right after sex, Bob?”

He placed his hands on your shoulders to try and get his point across, which caught the attention of the two brothers at the bar. “Shit, Dean-” Sam got his attention and Dean looked over, “Son of a bitch.” They got up and headed your way.

Bradley clocked the two hunters, seeing the looks on their faces and following their line of sight. “Hey, Hangman, they’re headed towards Floyd.” “Son of a bitch.” They put their cues down and cut off the Winchesters.

Jake and Bradley were toe-to-toe with Dean and Sam.

“Lieutenants,” Sam greeted, nodding to them but his eyes were looking around Rooster at you and Bob. Both tried to walk around the pilots but they stepped with them. “We can’t let you do that,” Jake said, holding intense eye contact with Dean, matching the determined expression. “That’s our teammate and he’s in a very serious conversation with someone.”

Dean pulled his badge out, frustrated, “Yeah with our boss.” Sam called out to you, holding eye contact with Bradley, “Y/N? Everything okay over there?”

“Bobby, you know I’m right,” you managed to say before Sam caught your attention. You turned, seeing both brothers staring down the two pilots. “Yeah, I’m fine Sam.” Bob turned you around by your shoulder, “You’re working with the fucking Winchesters?” “Who I work with is none of your business.”

You sighed, “Look, I’m not gonna ask for your help. I know this isn’t the life you wanted. But you need to let me do my job.” He rested his hands on his hips, huffing out a defeated sigh. You smiled, “Just watch your six, okay? And keep an eye out for your team.” “Don’t do anything stupid.” You chuckled and walked towards the four men, “No promises Robby.”

When you walked over, you had to fight the urge to laugh seeing the men staring each other down.

“Do we have a problem?” You asked, crossing your arms and arching a brow. They stepped away from each other. “No, Agent Gibbs, no problem here,” Rooster said, going back to the pool table. You looked at Jake, expecting an answer from him as well. “Everything’s just peachy, Agent.” He walked past you, winking as he passed.

You rolled your eyes, a small smirk tugging at your lips as you shook your head. You looked at Sam and Dean, and pointed to the door, “Outside.”

Once you were outside, you threw your arms out to the side. “What the hell was that?” Sam scoffed, “He put his hands on you. We didn’t need you getting-” “He’s my brother. He wasn’t trying to pick a fight.”

Dean held up a hand, “Wait, you have a brother?” You nodded, “That’s what I said.” “And he’s in the Navy?” You nodded, “Yeah, joined right out of high school.” “He left you?” “Dean, he doesn’t want this life. Our dad wasn’t going to hold him back from what he truly wanted to do. He just made sure that he could protect himself.” He scoffed, “Must be nice.”

You rolled your eyes, “Let’s just go to the motel. Gather intel and I’ll try to figure out if any of the victims had anything in common with each other. Then I’ll go and try to spot the siren in the bar.” “Why you? Why not one of us?” Sam asked. “Because my uncle told me all about that one time you both encountered a siren and nearly killed each other. I’m not letting you anywhere near this one.”

You got in the car without another word and they followed.

*******

Sam hung up the phone. “Okay so that was Petty Officer Langdon’s commanding officer and he said that Langdon didn’t give any sign of being depressed, if anything he was overly confident and very sure of himself. But that can often be a defense mechanism, so we can’t be sure he didn’t talk to family or friends about how he was feeling.”

You groaned, rubbing your face. This was going to take a while if you didn’t have someone on the inside. You threw your head back and blinked at the ceiling, “Okay, we need to get in contact with the families of those we can and talk to their coworkers.”

Dean swirled his beer in the bottle, “You know. People tell their secrets to bartenders all the time, maybe that Penny is our siren.” You nearly laughed, “I already looked into it, Penny’s been running that bar for three years. She's got a daughter and is currently in the process of getting married to a naval captain. But nice try.”

You got up and grabbed your things. “Okay, I’m gonna turn in, tomorrow I’ll get stuff together and talk to the families. You both can talk to the coworkers.” “Since when are you in charge?” Dean asked. “The moment I found out my brother was here.”

*******

You walked into Sam and Dean’s motel room, “Okay, that went better than I thought.” “Well, you seem to be the only one,” Sam huffed out, rubbing his forehead. Dean slammed the fridge and leaned against it and drank from his bottle, “Yeah, turns out, guys don’t talk about their feelings. Especially military men- feelings aren’t really their thing.” You scoffed, “Feelings aren’t your thing either Dean.”

He rolled his eyes, “What did you find out?” You sat on the back of the couch, crossing your arms, “Sailors may not tell their friends about their problems, but they tell their siblings.”

“Turns out, each of these sailors experienced a pretty bad break up a few months ago. All at different times of course. They were all cheated on, while on deployment,” you explained. “They confided in their younger siblings, saying that being gone all the time made it hard and that they felt it was deserved. Really sad honestly.”

Dean nodded, “So, we just need to keep an eye on those moping or showing out at the bar and follow them when they leave.” He shrugged, sitting his drink down, “Sounds simple enough.” He started to change.

You arched a brow at him, “Where are you going?” He paused, “The bar.” “Well, good luck because it’s Sunday and the Hard Deck’s closed on Sundays,” Sam smugly said with a smirk. Dean tossed his hands out to the side, “There are other bars aren’t there?” “Not sailor bars,” you said, looking down at your boots.

Dean shrugged off his jacket, “You guys are no fun.”

*******

“Hey Bob?”

Bob lifted his head from his book, “Yeah Hangman?” “You seemed pretty close with Agent Gibbs the other night,” Jake lifted a suggestive brow, playing with the pencil in his hand. Bob’s brow furrowed and he pushed his glasses up, “How do you mean?” Jake shrugged, “Oh I don’t know. She called you ‘Robert’ and you called her ‘Y/N’, I’d say that’s pretty close.”

Bradley laughed from his seat, “Why do you care so mu-” His mouth dropped, “Oh shit, you’ve got a thing for an NCIS Special Agent!” Bob’s eyes widened. “Did you see her? Those jeans fit her in all the right ways-” “She would kick your ass, Bagman,” Rooster howled out another laugh.

But the jab only made him smirk, “Well, maybe I like ‘em that way.”  

That made the WSO cringe, “Gross. I don’t need to know about your preferences, Seresin.” “Are you datin’ her Floyd? Cause if you are I’ll take my eyes elsewhere.” “No, I’m not dating her. We grew up together, she’s like a sister to me.” He started reading again.

Jake shared a look with Bradley, who just rolled his eyes.

********

You watched your flair bottom jeans slide over your lace underwear in the mirror, “Damn my ass looks great in these jeans.”

Sitting on the bed you grabbed your cowboy boots and slipped them on.

“Hey, Y/N- WOAH!” Sam covered his eyes with his hand. You looked up at him, confused for a moment before realizing you still only had a bra on your top half. Dean walked in, “Nice bra.” “Thanks.”

You dug in your bag for a silk, sage green button up.

Once it was slid over your shoulders, you told Sam he was fine to look.

“So, what’s the plan?” He asked, hands on his hips. You buttoned the shirt and tucked it in, “Well, we go to the Hard Deck, and we watch for anything suspicious.” You fixed your hair and touched up your makeup. “I’m gonna keep my eye on my brother and-” “Lieutenant Seresin?” Dean asked, eyebrow raised as his voice took on a lilt.

“Well yeah,” you slid your hands into your back pockets. “He’s just as much at risk as any of the others. Why’d you say it like that?” Dean scoffed, “You don’t think we noticed the way you both were looking at each other the other night.” You rolled your eyes, “I don’t know what you think you saw. But we’re here to work a case, not get laid.”

Dean chuckled as you walked past him to get your things, “Sounds like you need to get laid, Y/N.” You glared at him, “Shut up.”

You slid your gun into your purse, “I’ll see you there.” You adjusted your shirt how you wanted it and grabbed your keys. “Oh, will you make sure to go get those samples? I called Jimmy earlier, he’s expecting you guys.”

********

Jake was sitting at the bar, talking to a girl.

He couldn’t help but to think, This girl is perfect. She understands me, likes the same music I do. Likes the same drinks I do. She likes pool.

But something was off.

She wasn’t you.

Jake wasn’t sure what it was, but he couldn’t stop thinking about you. While he hadn’t shown it, he felt this sense of clarity when he met you. This connection. Call him crazy if you want – but he couldn’t stop thinking about you.

Which is why he was nearly bursting at the seams when he saw you walk in.

He was so enamored with you that he didn’t see the girl switch their beer bottles. “Hey, Lieutenant, how about a game-” “Hey, look, this was fun and all, but I don’t see us going any further tonight. Both of these drinks are on me,” Jake slapped a fifty on the table. “Get yourself whatever with the change.”

And just like that he was walking away from the bar and towards you.

*****

You looked around, looking for anything suspicious when Hangman entered your field of view.

“What do we have here? Agent Gibbs, good to see you again,” he sent you an award winning smile, the corners of his eyes crinkling just a little. “Lieutenant Seresin,” you looked him up and down, those khakis hugged him just right. “See something you like?” You smirked, “Yeah, the bar.”

You let your fingers brush his bicep as you walked past adding a little swing in your step, drawing Hangman’s eyes straight to your ass.

He quickly followed after you, saddling up right next to you at the bar. “Penny, m’dear,” he grabbed the woman’s attention. “Can I get another beer and uh- whatever she’s having goes on my tab.” She nodded, wiping out a glass and looking at you, “What can I get you?” You smiled, “Bourbon, neat please.”

Jake’s brows lifted and he smirked, “A woman after my own heart. So, I take it you aren’t on the job?” “I’m always on the job, Lieutenant. But I thought no harm can come in letting loose for a bit.” Jake barely suppressed the groan when you called him ‘Lieutenant’, and you apparently heard it because you smirked.

Penny brought your drinks by and Jake sat down.

“So, any luck?” He asked, sipping his drink. You sipped yours, shaking your head a little, “Nothing yet. But we’re doing what we can.” “Anything I can do to help?” You looked at him. “Agent-” “Y/N, you can call me Y/N.” He smiled a little, ���Y/N, I may not have known these men but that doesn’t mean I don’t care. Their families deserve the truth.”

You smiled at him, “Well, Lieutenant-” “Jake, you can call me Jake,” he said with a small smirk. “Jake,” you tested it out and he smiled. “Tell me what you know, or what you heard about them before their deaths.”

*******

You and Jake spent some time talking about the sailors and you mentioned them being cheated on.

“Oh, yeah, I think I heard Lieutenant Crole say something about that. He came home to find her and some other guy.” You nodded, “Yeah. He took it pretty hard according to his brother.” Jake nodded, “It sucks. Not being able to start a family. Worried that when you come home they won’t be waiting for you, or they will be, just in the arms of someone else.”

You frowned, eyeing him in concern, “You sound like you speak from experience.” He frowned and shook his head a little, sipping his drink, “My mom was in the service, Marines. My dad cheated on her a lot…” It was silent for a moment before Jake cleared his throat, “Which is why I’m not one for settling down, at least not for a while.” You nodded, “I can relate. Being away all the time isn’t easy. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in a case I forget what’s waiting for me at home…”

That wasn’t a lie. You did get wrapped up in cases, get personally involved. You had a significant other at one time, and they were great. But you had a really close call one time and they couldn’t take the constant worrying, so they left. Only to turn up dead because a werewolf had gotten to them to get back at you.

You quickly moved past the subject to continue talking, moving on from the sailors to yourselves.

********

A few hours later, you and Jake got into a competitive game of darts.

“Okay, if I get three in a row, you let me take you out?” Jake offered, nodding towards the dart board. You hummed, looking over his face, “That’s a big bet.” He shrugged, “I’m confident.” You smiled, “Okay, I’ll bite.” He smirked at you and readied a dart. “But if I get three in a row, I get to see what you’re hiding under those khakis,” you looked at him through your lashes, bringing a sultriness into your tone.

His brows lifted in amusement, “Well, what if we both get three in a row?” “Then everyone wins.” You winked and could see him shudder slightly before he covered it with a smirk.

He threw the darts, landing three in a row.

Jake looked down at you, “Where would you like to go?” He smirked and went to collect the darts.

You took them from him, rolling them in your hands slightly. He arched his brow, waiting for your response. You smiled and turned to the board, throwing each dart.

All three hit the middle.

You turned back to Jake, your hand flattening on his chest, “Why don’t we discuss it in the morning-” You got on your toes to talk in his ear, “Lieutenant.” You could have sworn he whimpered, but he definitely brought his hands to grip your hips.

You turned to look in his eyes, “Meet me outside.”

Jake nodded obediently and nearly kissed you when you mumbled the command against his lips.

******

After Jake bid his farewells to the squad, he immediately placed you in his truck and took you to his on base house.

As soon as you were in the door, Jake was pressing you against the wall. Your hands were immediately in his hair, pulling him even closer to you. He brought a hand up to cup your face and the other wrapped around your waist as he hoisted you onto your toes.

He pressed his lips to yours slowly, completely contrasting the way both hastily came into the home. Your lips worked together and it was sweet, but you needed more.

You pressed your tongue against his lips, moaning when he granted you entrance. You pushed your chest up, needing a better angle. He slightly pulled back from the wall and moved his hands to your thighs, giving them a gentle squeeze and silently telling you to jump. You did and his massive hands supported your thighs as he pushed you back against the wall.

He pulled back to let you both catch your breath, but he was going right in and kissing your neck.

He found your sweet spot fairly quickly, drawing another moan from your throat. Jake chuckled against your skin and nipped at your jaw, “Keep making those sounds and we won’t make it to the bedroom.” You moan again, head falling to the side to give him more room.

Jake smirks before pressing his hips up and pushing his hard-on against your center. “Fuck,” you whimpered out, griding down against him. “Jake, fuck-” Your lips finds his again, “Take me to bed.” “Yes, ma’am.”

As he walked down the hall towards his room, leaving you free access to his neck.

He made quick moves to get to his room.

Once he was in there he tossed you on the bed, “Darlin’, I almost took you in the hallway. But I don’t think my friends would appreciate that.” He shut and locked his door before turning back to you while unbuttoning his khaki shirt. The sight his green orbs landed on was one he would remember for a long time.

You perched up on the edge of the bed, unbuttoning the satin shirt and exposing the matching lace bra. “Fuck, Sweetheart,” Jake’s voice dropped and a rasp had settled in his throat. You could practically see his eyes dilate when you let the fabric fall off your shoulders and toss it to the floor.

You smiled at him as he walked over to you, “Like what you see?” He gently gripped your jaw as he nudged your legs apart with his knee, “Why don’t you look and find out?” He moved your line of sight to his crotch, letting you see just how strained his khaki pants had become. “Look what you’ve done to me, pretty girl,” he brought your eyes up to meet his eyes.

He smirked as your brows furrowed and you whimpered, feeling your hands make their way up his thighs. “I think I know what you want? You wanna stuff that pretty mouth of yours, don’t ya?” You nodded, your eyes doe-like as you licked your lips. “I need words, Sweetheart.” “Yes, Lieutenant. Please.” Jake let go of your jaw, “Take what you want.”

You slid onto your knees, still wearing your jeans and your boots.

Your fingers worked his belt as your lips pressed kisses against the outline of his cock.

The deep groan that left Jake’s throat went straight to your cunt, making you press your hips back hoping to create some sort of relief- using the tightness of your jeans to try and create friction. “Oh, don’t think I didn’t see that Princess. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.”

You opened his belt and popped open the button, pulling the zipper down with your teeth.

Reaching up with your arms and following with your body, you pushed his undershirt and uniform shirt up his torso to give you more room to work. You kissed along his hip bones, his Adonis belt, snapping his underwear band against his v-line with one hand and palming him with the other, before finally reaching in and pulling his cock out.

“Fuck…” You whimper out, lightly running your fingers over his shaft. “You’re cock is fucking pretty,” you looked up at him through your lashes.

Jake nearly came right there, despite knowing you were far from it- you looked so innocent right then. And all Jake wanted to do was ruin you.

He sucked in a short breath when you licked his tip, blowing air on it afterwards. “Shit, Sweetheart,” his hand moved to the side of your face, thumb gently rubbing your jaw. You flattened your tongue, running it up the underside of his cock.

Jake watched you gather a little more saliva on your tongue before watching it drip off your tongue and onto his dick. “Your mouth is just watering isn’t it, Darlin’?” “Yes, Lieutenant.”

There was that name again. “Come on, don’t keep us both waitin’,” Jake hummed out, moving his hand to gently thread in your hair.

You got the hint and took him into your mouth. The content growl that left his lips had you moaning around him. “Fuck, that’s a good girl.” Your eyes snapped up to him, as a whimper left your full mouth.

His eyes lit up in realization, “Oh, you like it when I tell you you’re a good girl?” You nodded as best you could before bobbing your head on his cock. “Fuck, well, let’s see if my good girl can take any more of my ‘pretty cock’.”

He watched your eyes widen and dilate with lust. Holy shit, he wouldn’t last if you kept doing that.

The word ‘my’ sent a whole new wave of arousal through you, and your loud moan was muffled by his is dick. You inhaled deeply through your nose, bracing your hands on his meaty thighs, and took what was left into your throat.

“OH FUCK,” Jake moaned out, not expecting the sudden action, but loving it all the same. His grip tightened in your hair, “Stay right there. Hoooly shiiit.” You swallowed around him and his hips jutted forward, making you gag.

He pulled you off, “Shit, I’m sorry.” You pouted, shaking your head. “No, it’s okay,” you caught your breath for a second. You wiped off the spit from the corner of your mouth before taking him in your hand again.

As you jerked him off, you rested your head against his thigh and your other hand came up to massage his balls. “Jake,” you looked up at him again, blinking seductively at him. His large palm was resting on the  back of your head. “Yes Sweetheart?” You positioned your head to be right in front of his cock again.

“Fuck my face.”

He barely wasted a second shoved his cock in your mouth again, his hand gripping your hair again to keep you still. Your hands gripped his thighs and you were moaning and gagging around him.

He was groaning out praises as tears welled up in your eyes and his cock hit the back of your throat everytime.

Jake felt himself getting close, his chest was most likely as red as it felt, and he had to pull away.

You whined and tried to chase him. His hand moved to your face, sliding his thumb into your mouth, “Darlin’, I’m not gonna last, and I want to be in you when I cum.” He removed his thumb and kissed you, pulling you to your feet.

You pushed the khaki shirt to the floor and he laid you down on your back, not breaking the kiss as he laid on his side and used his leg to hook around yours and them open.

His skilled hands went to your jean button and undid it, pulling the zipper down and sliding his hand into your pants. “Oh~” Jake’s voice dropped as he moaned against your lips. “You got lace down here too, pretty girl?” He latched onto your neck, kissing and nipping at wherever he could reach.

One of your hands wrapped itself in the comforter and the other held the back of Jake’s head.

You were trying your best to stay still, but his fingertips were barely giving you any relief as the grazing over your clothed lips. With only a little bit of pressure, he had your hips twitching off the bed.

He chuckled darkly in your ear, “Oh, is my good girl desperate?” He applied more pressure to your clit through your underwear. You nodded, wiggling your hips to give yourself some relief as a whimper left your mouth. “Does she need my fingers? Are you feeling empty, pretty girl?” You nodded again, biting your bottom lip.

Jake's hand stopped.

No movement. No pressure. Just gone.

“I need words, Princess.” A whine left your lips and you buried your head into Jake’s neck.

You had never gotten this worked up before, and you certainly were never like this with previous partners before. But you liked it.

“Please, Jake. I need you, Jake. Please.”

He smirked, kissing your forehead, “That’s a good girl. Don’t make me tell you again.” He swiftly moved your underwear to the side and ran his middle finger through your now exposed lips. You moaned out in relief and your head fell back, “Yes, sir.”

Jake’s dick jumped when the title left your lips. He let out a groan and his head fell forward and attached his lips to your chest, placing his ear right next to your mouth and hearing every sound that left your mouth.

His experienced digits ran over your pussy and rubbed your clit, collecting the arousal that pooled there.

When he collected enough, he brought them to your chest and neck, rubbing your own juices on your skin. He moaned contently and licked it up, moving his hand back down to your cunt.

“Jake, fuck,” you chest heaved and he could feel your pulse thrumming against his lips. “You taste delicious, Sweetheart,” he sucked a mark on your neck before pulling back to look you in the face.

“Oh, sweet girl, you look so fucked out already. I’ve barely touched you.” “Jake, fuck, please,” you whined, your eyes locking on his green ones. “Please what Princess?” “I need your fingers, please.” He smirked and kissed you hotly, pushing his middle finger into you.

You exhaled through your nose, moaning into Jake’s mouth as his digit massaged your walls. “That feel good?” “Yes, it feels s’good.” “You’re doing great,” he brought his free hand to the back of your head, holding it up as he kissed you again, his thumb now drawing figure eights on your clit.

He picked up the pace, making sure to curl his finger everytime. “You’ve been s’good for me, darlin’. Think you can take another one?” He asked against your lips, stilling his hand. “Mhhmm,” you whimpered out, but remembered he wanted words.

“Yes, I can take another one. Please.”

Jake smiled, “Thatta girl.” He pushed on your head to look down at where he was finger fucking you. He kept his eyes on you as he eased another finger into you. “Shit~ Jake,” you groaned, your voice shaking a little.

You turned your head to look at him, but he nudged you with his nose. “Eyes down here, sweet girl. I want you to watch me ruin you.” His eyes darkened when you whimpered and did as you were told.

He started off slow, letting you get comfortable and used to the new stretch while scissoring his fingers. But when he felt your clit twitch and your slick begin to coat his hand, he picked up the pace.

When your moans got louder and your chest started to get red, showing off the bruises he had put there, he couldn’t help but rut his hips in search of friction. You feel it, his cock dragging against your hip.

Blindly, you moved your hand in between your bodies and gripped him.

He groaned in your ear, “Fuck, sweetheart, what-” “Jus’ wanna help, sir,” you kept your eyes where he told you, watching his fingers slide out just to get pulled back in your clenching walls. You used both your saliva and his precum as lubrication as you tried your best to move your hand in sync with his.

“Fuck, that’s perfect,” his own hips began to thrust up. “Are you close, sweetheart? Please tell me you are. I need to be inside you- Fuck!” He latched onto your neck again, trying to keep himself at bay. “I’m close, Jake. Can- can I-” “Yes! God yes, fucking touch yourself, pretty girl.” Your hand that had found its home in his sheets moved to your clit, rubbing tight, fast circles.

He started grunting in your ear, trying to be quiet. “Let me hear you, Jake.”

Jake immediately obeyed, letting the breathiest yet most obscene moans come out of his mouth. “I can feel your pussy squeezing around my fingers. Come on, just a little more Sweetheart.”

His words and the loud, gruff moans in your ear sent you over the edge. Your clit pulsing under your own fingers and your walls fluttering around Jake’s.

Jake had to flex to hold himself back at the moan you let out. Your back arched off the bed, booted heels pressing into the mattress as you probably ruined that pair of underwear.

He pressed kisses to your head, neck and shoulder as you came off your high, giving you time to compose yourself. “How was that, Darlin’?” You chuckled, “Good, so fucking good.”

Smiling, he kissed your lips and pulled back to get off the bed, dragging you with him.

You smiled, sitting at the edge, pulling off your boots as you watched him toe of his dress shoes and start stripping. You lifted your hips up and slid your jeans off before turning onto your hands and knees to get back to the middle of the bed.

“Stop.”

You stopped, your cunt clenching around nothing at the tone of his voice. You felt his hand press down on your back and you realized what he wanted you to do.

Straightening your arms out, you arched your back, presenting your ass to him.

A growl rumbled deep in Jake’s chest, his rough hands groping at the globes of your ass and he huffed out a breath as his callouses got caught on the lace. You moaned at the feeling and pressed back into his hands.

“Doll, as much as I’d loved to fuck you like this. I need to watch you fall apart,” he groaned, one hand gripping your hips as the other unclasped your bra. You whined a little, sitting up a little to let the bra fall down your arms.

His large hands wrapped around your ribs and helped lay you down on your back.

Once you were situated and comfortable, Hangman sat back on his heels, taking in the sight in front of him.

His hands rested on your hips, thumbs moving back and forth on your skin. “You’re fucking gorgeous, Y/N,” he breathed out before pulling your panties off. You giggled, “I think you’ve made that obvious.”

He furrowed his brow but followed your eye line to his cock, realizing what you were insinuating. He braced himself on his forearms, looking you directly in the eye. “No, I mean it. You’re fucking breathtaking. From your looks straight down to the way you hold yourself. I don’t think I’ve ever met a girl like you before. And I don’t think anyone will ever hold a candle to you.”

You felt a twist in your chest as a genuine, full smile pulled at your lips. Looking straight into his eyes, everything felt right, felt clear. And Jake felt the same, he felt like he was on cloud nine – a feeling he only felt in his plane.

Reaching up, you met his lips.

“Make love to me Jake,” you whispered against his lips, missing his eyes when they closed as he huffed out a breath.

He shifted his weight to one of his arms, using his other hand to line himself up with your entrance. He pressed forward, pushing in slowly and watching your face to make sure everything was okay.

He fully seated himself inside of you, letting out a shaky groan when he did. “Holy- you feel perfect.” His right hand came up and cupped your breast, goosebumps forming on the heated skin as the cold metal of his class ring made contact with your flesh. Jake lowered his head and wrapped his lips around your nipple, his tongue circling it.

Your left hand came up and held the back of his head again. “Fuck, Jake, s’full. I need you to move. Please.” Jake kept his hand on your boob, using his thumb to spread his spit around, causing even more goosebumps.

He leaned back, moving his hips slowly but with intention, hitting a spot inside you that you had no idea was there. “Oh shit,” you moaned out looking down at where your bodies were conjoined. Where you could feel every vein in his cock as he slowly thrust into you.

“Look at me, Y/N,” he said, voice gentle but demanding. When you didn’t look up, he moved his grip from your chest to your chin. “Pretty girl~” He cooed, watching your eyes flutter to him. “I want you to look at me. Can you be a good girl and do that?” You nodded, “I can try.” He smiled and kissed your nose, “Good girl.”

A pathetic whimper left your mouth and Jake felt you clench around him.

His hand moved the side of your head and he picked up his thrust, still watching your expressions to make sure he wasn’t hurting you.

“Jake -fuck- faster,” you moaned, bending your legs at the knee to adjust the angle. He picked up his pace, his hips slamming into the back of your thighs and his pelvic bone stimulating your clit.

Hangman’s grunts and moans were loud, turning you on more than he thought they would. He never thought his sounds would do anything to anyone, but here you were proving him very wrong.

“Fuck, you’re squeezing my cock so well, Princess,” he groaned, throwing his head back as your ankles crossed behind his back. His green eyes had basically become black as you held eye contact and a series of short whines and moans left your throat.

Jake angled his hips upward and hit a spot that pulled a guttural moan from your throat, and had your entire body spasming. He had been concerned that he had hurt you but the way you used the leverage of his waist to grind down on him told him you were reaching your peak again.

You threw your arms around him, pulling him as close as you could. He rested his forehead on yours, his eyes clenching shut at the endorphins flooding his entire system as he felt his resolve breaking.

You could feel him shaking with pleasure just as much as you were, his hips stuttering every time you clench around him. “Jake, I’m close. I’m so close.”

He nodded against you, “Me too, Sweetheart. Me too.” He moved his left hand to rubbed your clit and his moans got louder in your ear. “Ooooooh fuck,” he panted, giving you a few hard thrust before continuing his fast pace.

He panted more, his breath fanning over your face as his eyes squeezed shut.

Jake’s face of pure pleasure and his vocalness, mixed with his ministrations, sent you over the edge. Your body shook, back arching, head thrown back as he worked your clit through the intense feeling. You moaned out his name, nearly screaming. “Thatta girl. Cum on my cock, I got you.”

His hips stuttered and his eyes opened slightly, “Fuck, where do you want it?” “Inside me. Cum inside me-” Jake’s pace picked up as his face fell into your neck, groans and pants were directly in your ear.

“Cum for me Lieutenant,” you panted, arms wrapping tightly around him as his few final thrusts jostled your body.

He finished with a loud groan, his entire body tensing and shaking as his arms wrapped around your body. “Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my…” Jake panted into your neck, nuzzling into it.

Your chests heaved together as your hand scratched the back of his head. “That- that was-” “Amazing,” he chuckled breathlessly into your neck. “I don’t think I’ve came that hard in my life.” You hummed, “Me either.”

He gently pulled out of you, apologizing when you hissed a little bit.

He got up and slid his boxers back on, “I’ll be right back.” He left the room, closing the door behind him.

He came back with a warm rag and gently cleaned you up before tossing the rag in his laundry basket. He went to his drawer and pulled out a pair of boxers, “Here, put these on.” As you did that he went to his closet and got a hoodie.

Jake kneeled on the bed and slipped it on you. You giggled a little at the extra length on the sleeves. He chuckled, kissing the side of your head before turning off his lights, the only light being the moon from outside. “Come on, lay with me.”

So, you did.

You laid there all night, talking about anything and everything. Eventually you fell asleep in each other’s arms.

********

Your eyes shot open, your chest heaving slightly because of the nightmare you just had.

You felt a pressure on your waist, making you look down to find a muscular arm. You followed it up to find Jake sleeping peacefully next to you. You smiled at him, his face was so relaxed.

The soft snores that left his mouth made your lips quirk into a smile, but then a deep frown settled on your face.

Jake was peaceful in his sleep, not having to worry about what went bump in the night. The only thing that plagued his sleep was flashbacks, things that were a real danger to everyone – things that people believed in and knew happened in life. Not creatures that lurked in the shadows or you made deals with.

You would never sleep peacefully, not anytime soon anyway. You slept with one eye open and a loaded gun under your pillow. Your dreams were filled with monsters and demons, death and pain. When you did have good dreams, they often turned sour if you slept too long. Turning from having a lovely family to walking in to find them either gone or dead because of your previous life.

You could never have the life you dreamt of as a kid, you never believed it was in the cards for you once you started hunting outside of your home state – especially when you began hunting with the Winchesters.

So, despite the weight in your chest –the little girl that just wants a family– that begged you to stay, you managed to pry yourself from Jake’s arms and the comfort of his bed.

The moment your feet hit the floor, you felt sick. Like your body was telling you that you had to stay. But your brain knew better and your heart felt inclined to agree, because your mind had always known what was best for you – right?

You quickly changed, dropping the hoodie he lended you right where you had fallen asleep.

It was hard to breathe as your hand pulled open his door and shut it behind you. You leaned back against it, questioning your decision of leaving.

This was just a one night stand, right? It was just a hook-up, nothing more.

So why was it so hard to leave?

You pushed yourself away from the door, checking around to make sure Jake’s housemates wouldn’t see you.

You figured you were in the clear by the time you passed the kitchen.

“Oh God, Y/N. You didn’t-” “Fuck! Robert, what the hell?” You turned, eyes wide as you looked at your brother standing in the kitchen with a coffee. You gulped, adjusting your shirt to cover you more.

He sighed, crossing his arms and leaning back, “Which one?” You blinked, “Excuse me?” “Rooster or Hangman?”

Your heart lurched at the second one but you had to play it off. “It’s none of your business.” “I’d like to know which pilot is gonna be pissed at work today, waking up to an empty bed isn’t normal for either of them.” “Well, sucks to be you Robby, I have to go.” You found your purse and left, leaving Bob in the kitchen by himself.

********

Not an hour after you left Jake woke up.

Something didn’t feel right and when he opened his eyes to find you gone, he knew that’s what it had to be. He balled the hoodie up in his hands, sitting cross legged on his bed, just staring down at the article of clothing.

He wasn’t sure why you left –or why you leaving affected him so much. He felt hurt, embarrassed.

Jake had let himself be vulnerable with you; told you his dreams and how he didn’t think he would ever make it as far as he had. He’d never even told his closest friends the things he told you last night.

And he felt that you were vulnerable with him, putting your heart on your sleeve, just for him to see.

But maybe he was wrong. And he hated it. He never liked being vulnerable, being vulnerable got him hurt.

He let out a laugh, a condescending laugh aimed mostly toward himself. “You really fuckin’ thought- God Jake, you’re an idiot.” He threw the hoodie and got out of his bed.

He got dressed for work and went to the kitchen, finding both Bradley and Bob chatting over breakfast.

“And he emerges!” Rooster announced upon seeing him. Jake just rubbed his face and rolled his eyes. “Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” Jake felt a pang deep in his chest, but he refrained from a snarky comment.

Bob suddenly connected Jake’s bad mood to your escape barely two hours ago. But Jake was way more torn up than he thought he would be.

“I see your date already left.” Bob watched Jake’s nostrils flare at Rooster’s comment. But he didn’t snap, he simply grumbled out, “Well, guess you both lucked out on some chick overstaying her welcome here.”

Jake hated the way he just referred to you, the phrase bitter on his tongue.

Rooster scoffed, brows raised in amusement, “‘Some chick’? Hangman I watched you leave with one very Special Agent Gibbs last night.” Jake’s lip quirked up into a snarl at Rooster’s choice of words, but he didn’t speak.

His roommates watched him go about his morning not making any comments about his sexcapaped or how he charmed her while offering them tips.

*********

Jake was more of an ass than usual today. Constantly having something snarky or egotistical to say to anyone, having more of a bite than usual.

“What is up with him today? I thought we were past this?” Fanboy asked Rooster during their break. Rooster shrugged, honestly a little concerned himself, “I don’t know. I think his hook-up leaving without a note is affecting him more than he thinks it is.”

They didn’t know Hangman could hear them, or how right they were. But Jake was just going to put up more walls, hoping they were strong enough for when he inevitably saw you again.

***********

You barely left your motel room, choosing to lay in bed and feel sorry for yourself.

“Hey! Y/N,” Sam used his key to come in, his face scrunching up in confusion when he didn’t see you at first. But then it fell when he saw you curled up under the covers of your bed.

He came over and knelt by the bed, “Hey, you okay?” “Is one ever okay in this life, Sam?” He furrowed his brows, you’d never shown doubt that this wasn’t the life you wanted. You told both of them yourself that you’d wanted to hunt since you were a teenager and that you took up local cases in college. As far as anyone in the hunter world was concerned – you were born for this life.

“I don’t know. I guess that’s up to whoever you ask,” Sam gave you a sympathetic smile. You shifted, laying more on your side to face Sam.

“What was it like? When you were at Stanford, away from all of this?” He sighed, “Honestly?” You nodded, “As honest as you can give me.” “The thoughts never left, the instincts to check every dark corner and under the bed were still there,” he looked into your eyes, seeing you hanging on every word. “But,” he started again. “It was nice to feel normal for once. I had a glimpse of what was out there. It was nice.”

You sat up, propping yourself on your hand. “Do you regret coming back? Do you wish that you would’ve just told Dean to fuck off that night?” He sighed, “Sometimes yeah. But how would I know if things turned out differently? Maybe Jess would be alive, maybe she still would have died, but I’ll never know.” “Does that not bother you?” “As a Winchester you stop being bothered by a lot of things.”

You brought your knees up, wrapping your arms around your legs and resting your chin on your knees, “I guess it’s just not in the cards for us.” “I wouldn’t say that. Maybe it’s all a matter of circumstance.” You turned your head, looking at Sam with tears in your eyes, “Is it worth it? Getting out? Chasing a life that you thought only existed in fairytales…”

Sam blinked, his eyes studying you. Never once had he believed you would think about getting out. You’d always shown this intimate knowledge and this passion for hunting and helping people in a way no one else could.

So he wondered why you were questioning everything all of a sudden.

But before he could voice it, your phone rang.

You quickly answered it, “Agent Gibbs.” Sam moved to sit on your bed. “Y/N, we got another one. A pilot, Lieutenant Junior Grade Parson,” it was Jimmy. “Oxytocin levels were high and cops said his friends saw him leave the bar with a girl.” “Okay, thank you for letting me know.” “Okay.” You hung up and looked at Sam.

“We,” you scratched your forehead. “We have another body. Lieutenant Junior Grade Parson, he was a pilot.” Sam nodded, “Okay, Dean and I will go check it out.”

He got up moving to leave, but he turned to you.

“Hey, if you need to talk-” “Thanks Sam,” you smiled gently at him, laying back down. He gave you a tight lip smile and left.

Outside, Dean was waiting for him.

“Where’s Y/N?” Sam glanced back at your door. “She -uh- she’s gonna stay in for a little bit. We both know she didn’t come home until this morning, she needs to get over her hangover. But we have another body, we need to go to the ME’s office.”

Dean nodded and uncrossed his arms to get in his car, “Alright, let’s go. We couldn’t go get the vials last night, might as well get the fresh blood.”

*******

They pulled into the ME’s office.

“Sam, Dean, glad you could make it. I take it you’re here for the blood?” The brothers nodded, “Yeah.” “Where’s Y/N?” “She stayed out last night. We aren’t sure what she was doing but she didn’t come back until early this morning,” Sam told him.

Jimmy just nodded and went to go get the blood from the storage area.

But he came back empty handed, “They’re gone. All of the vials are gone.” “The blood is gone?” Dean asked with a brow raised. “Who could have taken them?” Jimmy shrugged, “I don’t know. No one else is allowed back there except for me and- son of bitch!” Sam stepped forward, “Who else has access, Jimmy?” Jimmy put his hands on his hips, “My assistant.”

*******

You nursed a beer as you sat in the little kitchen of the motel room.

The ache in your chest and the pit in your stomach hadn’t gone away. As hard as it was to believe, you missed him. Missed the feeling of being under him – being around him.

Your phone rang. “Floyd.”

“Y/N, we gotta go to the bar.”

Your chest fluttered with hope before it filled with anxiety. Going to the bar meant seeing him again, and you couldn’t say with confidence that you wouldn’t run to him and spill everything. Your true line of work, monsters – all of it.

“Did you get the vials?” You asked standing up. “No, Jimmy’s assistant is the siren. She took the vials before we got there,” Dean grumbled. “Get changed, we’ll meet you there.”

*********

Jake played pool with Coyote, not really trying his hardest.

“Okay, what the fuck is up with you?” Javy asked. Hangman furrowed his brows, “What are you talkin’ about?” His friend sighed, “You’ve been a bigger ass than usual today, and now-” He gestured to the table. “-you act that you don’t give two shits about this game. What the hell dude?”

Jake pinched the bridge of his nose, “‘Yote, look, nothing’s going on. I just-” The bell chimed and it pulled Jake’s attention to the door.

And all the walls he built came tumbling down.

He watched you walk over, a clear drive in your step as your eyes were set on Bob.

But when you got over and looked up, your confidence faltered and your eyes widened. Your eyes locked on Jake’s and they didn’t want to leave.

“Agent Gibbs,” Bob spoke up. “How can we help you?” You blinked, stumbling over your words as you tore your gaze from Jake. “Uh, yes. Yes, did any of you know Lieutenant Parsons?” The squad nodded, “Yeah, he’s a pilot in the TOPGUN program, why?” You sighed, “He was found dead on the beach this morning.”

The group was silent, processing the information given to them.

“He left with a girl, not too long after she began talking to him,” Bob started. He had watched a girl emerge from the bathroom and walk right up to the young pilot, say a few words before sipping his drink and handing it back for him to sip from. Then he got up and followed her out, he thought it was just a coincidence but now that you were here, he learned it was exactly what you had told him it was.

“Did you see what the girl looked like?” “Blonde, tan, maybe 5’6”.” You nodded, “Did anyone know the Lieutenant personally?” “Hangman, you were pretty close with Parry weren’t you?”

Payback's voice drew Hangman out of his thoughts. “Oh, yeah, yeah I knew him pretty well. He went to school with my sister.”

“Did he say anything to you recently?” Jake swallowed when you addressed him, suddenly feeling nervous. “Yeah, he said his best friend sent him videos of his girl back home. Let’s just say they weren’t friends after that.”

You nodded, “Thank you. I’ll let you guys get back to your night.”

“Agent?” You turned, “Yes, Lieutenant?” “Can I talk to you, alone?” Jake nodded toward the deck door. “Of course.”

You followed Jake outside and he leaned against the rail.

“Jake, look-” “Why did you leave?” Your breath caught in your throat, your bullshit excuse dying on your tongue. “Because I can’t let you get hurt.” “You leaving hurt, Y/N. I thought…” He shook his head and rocked on his feet as he looked at the sand.

You took a cautious step forward, “Thought what Jake?” He scoffed, standing up straight, “That last night was more than just a hook-up.” “It was, Jake. That’s why I had to leave…” His nostrils flared, “That makes no goddamn sense. We pour our hearts out to each other and you just fucking leave? I bare my heart to you and you throw it away!”

“I can’t let you get killed because of me Jake! Everyone that I let into my life dies!” You finally shouted back. “What do you mean?” “Jake, with my line of work-” “Being a federal agent? Yeah I know that’s dangerous but-” “No! God! Jake, there are things in this world that you don’t understand! Things that only live to cause pain and suffering. Things that go bump in the night. I’m not NCIS Special Agent Gibbs,” you threw your badge down. “I’m Y/N Floyd. I’m a hunter. I hunt monsters.”

Jake blinked at you, his stomach twisting in knots and his heart felt full of cement. “You hunt monsters? Like werewolves, vampires, the fuckin’ boogieman?” You threw your arms out, the weight of that secret being lifted off your chest, “Yes!”

Foolishly, you hoped Jake would understand and let you go, and maybe that pit in your heart would go away.

But he laughed.

Right in your face.

“You really think I’m stupid enough to believe that? That you can just say some outlandish bullshit and I’d believe you?” His throat burned as he said the words, because he wanted to believe you. The look in your eyes was the same one he saw last night as you both told the other about how much having a family mattered to you. But what you were saying was ridiculous. Monsters? Those weren’t real.

He bit his lip and shook his head, “God, and to think I thought you were different.” He watched your heart shatter and he felt his crumble. He pushed it away and shoulder checked you before walking back inside, leaving you there as rain clouds rolled in.

Bob watched Jake walk in and right toward him. “Your sister needs a reality check, Floyd,” he said right in the WSO’s ear before getting another drink from the bar.

*******

You sat at the bar, drowning yourself in bourbon.

“Whoever the guy was, he’s stupid to stand you up,” a male voice said from in front of you. You looked up to see a bartender, a rag thrown over his shoulder. He was tall, with tan skin and striking green eyes, his blond hair styled perfectly. “Hi, I’m Evan.”

You downed the glass, grimacing as you swallowed, “Wasn’t stood up. I -uh- just got a lot going on.” “I can see that,” he leaned on his forearms. “Wanna talk about it?” You shook your head, tapping your glass on the table, “You wouldn’t understand. But I’ll take another round.”

He gave you a sad smile and poured you another glass. “Just cause I might not understand doesn’t mean I won’t listen.” You scoffed, sipping the amber liquid, “It’s a lot to hear, trust me.”

Evan sighed, his tactic wasn’t working, just like it failed to work on Jake the previous night.

A loud cheer drew your attention to the aviators at the pool table, and you caught eyes with Jake. That’s when it clicked, why nothing worked on Jake the previous night and why it wasn’t going to work now. Evan couldn’t lure you in with his words before putting you under his spell – he just had to go straight for the kill.

Before you turned back around, Evan took a sip of your drink, sitting it back down with the side he drank from facing you.

You turned back with tears in your eyes, but you didn’t touch the drink. “Hey, Sweetheart, it’s okay, he’s an idiot.” You cut your eyes at him, “Don’t call me that.” The way he said it sounded like nails on a chalkboard. He nodded, “Got it. Apologies.” You downed the rest of your drink and Evan smirked.

Suddenly you felt light headed. “Oh, I think you’ve had too much, let me get you home.” Evan rounded the bar before you could say anything. You felt like you should protest, that this wasn’t the guy you needed to take care of you. But you couldn’t resist and followed him out.

****

Jake had watched you leave with the bartender he didn’t recognize and he felt a deep pull in his gut that told him you were in trouble, but he shook his head and went back to playing pool.

Phoenix must have noticed it too because when Penny helped Fanboy deliver the next round she asked when she got a new bartender. Penny shook her head, “I didn’t hire a new guy.”

Jake's blood ran cold and he met Bob’s eyes before both were ditching their cues and booking it out the doors.

They ran into Sam and Dean on the way out. “Where’s Y/N?” Jake asked. Dean shrugged, “Inside, we told her to meet us here.” “No, she just left with some guy.” Sam perked up, “What does he look like?” “Like Hangman,” Bob said, pulling his keys out of his pocket. “It’s the siren. We have to find them, come on.”

Jake moved to follow Bob to his truck when Dean stopped him, “You have to stay here.” Jake squared up, “Like hell I’m staying here. She needs me.” “I can’t let you get hurt.” “I don’t give a fuck if I get hurt! She might die! I’m going.” Jake ripped his arm out of Dean’s grip and got in Bob’s truck.

Dean looked up at Sam, “I don’t think we have much of a choice Dean.”

******

You sat on the couch of your motel room, the siren walking back and forth, twirling the brass blade.

“You know Y/N. You’ve had a lot of hardships when it comes to love. You just can’t get it right can you?” He squatted in front of you, “You’ve tried to have the ‘apple pie life’, but you just can’t give up hunting- can you? It got your last partner killed. And this last one, well he just didn’t believe you.”

He pulled you up by your hands, “You’re never going to achieve that life, Y/N. You’ll never have it. No matter how hard you try. So why don’t you just end it now? End it for me, and I’ll help you create that life in another world.”

The siren pressed the blade into your hand. “Do it.”

Tears ran down your face as you looked at the knife; you didn’t want to, but your body was telling you to plunge that blade straight into your chest – you couldn’t control yourself.

But just before you could, the door swung open with Jake, Sam, Dean, and Bob running inside.

Evan grabbed your shoulders, pushing the blade towards your heart. “Fucking do it, Y/N.”

“Y/N don’t!” Bob’s shout made you jump and the blade moved and you stabbed yourself in the side. You fell to the ground, knocking into the coffee table. “Shit!” Bob ran to catch you so your head didn’t hit the ground.

Jake watched the blood pool on the carpet and stain your brother’s hands. He glanced over to where Sam and Dean were fighting with the guy. That’s when he saw the guys face in a mirror, seeing the siren’s true form. “Holy shit…”

He looked to see where you were struggling against Bob, trying to pull the blade from your side. “Y/N, no you’ll bleed out. Stop. Stop!” You cried, “I can’t, Bob! I need to do this! Just let me.”

The blade wasn’t in all the way, but it was in enough that ripping it out could cause serious damage.

“Seresin! A little help!” Bob shouted, spurring Jake into action.

Jake immediately was at your side, pinning your arms down, placing his knee across your hips. “Bob, pull the knife out slowly and then I’ll put pressure on it.” “Jake-” “Rob! We need that blade!” Dean’s gruff voice sounded and more punches were thrown.

Bob sighed, extremely conflicted. “Bob,” Jake’s gentle voice echoed. “I’ve got her. I promise.” And Bob believed him.

Gently removing the blade, Jake grabbed a blanket to put pressure on the wound. “Come on, stay with me.”

“Y/N, use the gun on the floor!” The siren sang, and you easily wrestled out of Jake’s grip and grabbed the weapon.

Jake’s eyes widened and he lunged for you, gripping onto your wrist. “Y/N, Y/N no! You can fight this, c’mon. Fight him.” You sobbed underneath him, “I can’t. He’s right I’ll never-” Jake looked you directly in the eye, “Shut up. He’s not right, whatever the fuck he said to you isn’t right. You get to decide what’s right about you, not some freak of nature. You, Y/N Floyd, get to decide how you live your life. Whether or not that means falling in love is up to you.”

Hangman watched your eyes lose the glossiness that had settled over them, and you blinked a little bit. “Fuck, that was weird.” Jake chuckled in relief, you were back, “There she is.” You swallowed, keeping eye contact with the man above you, “Is it dead?” He shook head just as the blade slid on the ground, followed by a beat up Bob. “No, the bastard is very much alive.”

You tilted your head, confused, “Then how-” “Son of a bitch!” You sat up, glancing to see Sam unconscious and Dean trying to fight against the monster. “Shit,” you scrambled up and towards the blade.

Jake watched you pick up the blade and leap over the couch, stabbing the creature in the chest and twisting the blade before ripping it out.

“Holy shit.” Jake scrambled up and over to you. “That was badass, Sweetheart.” “Thanks,” you breathed out, feeling light headed. You swayed a little, causing both Jake and Dean to reach out and steady you. “You okay, kid?” Dean asked, looking at your wound. You nodded, “Yeah- yeah, I’m-”

Before you couldn’t finish your sentence, you fell limp into Jake’s arms. “Y/N!”

*****

A few hours felt like an eternity to Jake as he waited by your bedside for you to wake up.

Bob sat on the other side, leg bouncing nervously as he watched the rise and fall of your chest. “Floyd, she’s gonna be okay,” Jake reassured. “How can you know?” Jake shrugged, reaching out to grab your hand. “I just feel it.”

About 30 minutes later, your eyes fluttered open.

“Hey pretty girl,” Jake drawled next to you, sleep lacing his voice. “How long have I been out?” “A few hours. But you’ll be fine. This fella-” Jake sat up, stretching his back. “-Castiel, I believe is what Dean over there called him. He patched you up real nice.” You chuckled, but then realized what Jake had witnessed.

“Oh my gosh. You must have so many questions.” He nodded, “I did but Bob and your friends helped sort everything out, so I have a bit of understanding.” You nodded, smiling a little at him.

He smiled back and kissed your knuckles, “I’m sorry for not believing you before.” You shook your head, “I wouldn’t have believed me either.” You squeezed his hand, “But would you believe me if I said that I didn’t want to leave?” Jake nodded, “Yeah. Would you believe me if I said that I didn’t believe in love at first sight until you walked into the bar?” You smiled, “Yeah, because I was the same way.”

“Y/N, good you’re awake,” Cass’s gruff voice pulled your attention away from Jake. “Hey, Cass, thanks for fixin’ me up.” He nodded curtly before sitting down on the bed. “I have some questions.”

You nodded, “Shoot.”

“Did you break out of the siren’s spell before you killed it?” You nodded, frowning a little, “I did, why?” “How?” You squeezed Jake’s hand, “Jake pulled me out, I don’t really know how that worked but he did.” Cass nodded. “And I never felt fully under the spell, like my body was doing it but my mind, heart, whatever, was telling me to stop. It was weird.”

Cass nodded again, “That’s because you found your soulmate.” “I’m sorry, what?” “Jake, he is your soulmate. Siren’s have little power over soulmate bonds as strong as yours, that’s why he was able to pull you out of the spell.”

Jake looked at you, smiling like a fool.

“That explains why I’m so comfortable around you.” “And why my heart felt heavy after I left.” Jake pulled you in for a sweet kiss.

When you pulled away, you mumbled against his lips, “That’s why I’m questioning everything I thought I knew.” “What do you-” “I’m gonna stop hunting. Right here, right now.” “You’d give that up for me?” “Yes!” “I couldn’t ask you to give that up.” You shook your head, “You’re not. I’ve wanted to get out, but I thought it was never possible. That I could never have the life I’ve dreamt of, but these past few days have turned what I thought I knew on it’s head.”

“I think you’ve been spending time with us too much,” Dean chuckled out. “You deserve this, Y/N,” Sam smiled at you and Jake. “Are you sure?” They nodded and you turned to Jake, “That settles it, I’m staying here.” Jake smiled, “And I know the perfect place.”

**********

thank you guys for making it to the end! i hope this crossover was accurate

i have plenty of ‘x readers’ in the drafts so if you want more let me know

and my asks are open, feel free to request what you would like to see next

feedback is greatly appreciated!

tags <3: @milesdickpic @luckyladycreator2 @hotch-meeeeeuppppp​

<3 love ya babes

[mommymlkrs]

~ The Truth ~

PART 1

(I’ve had this saved as a draft for like ever and idk if I’m gonna write a part 2, sorry guys!😬)

~ Summary: Sam, Dean and Y/n find a new case in which the goddess of truth is looking for tributes. Dean and Y/n also investigate why Sam has been acting weird ever since he got back from hell while dealing with their own feelings.

~ Pairings: Dean Winchester x Fem Reader

~ Warnings: Swearing, mentions of suicide, fighting, angst, fluff.

Main characters include:

(Y/n) Reader

Dean Winchester

Sam Winchester

Castiel

*Based off of season 6 episode 6* *spoilers*

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“She said that? She really just told her sister to kill herself? Wow.” Y/n said with astonishment.

“Yep.” Both Dean and Y/n were sitting in the motel room trying to figure out this new found case they had. Suddenly the door opened and in walked Sam.

“There was another one.” Sam stated to the pair.

“Yeah? What?” Questioned Y/n as they both stood up from the bed.

“Dentist drilled a guy to death.”

“You mean the non-sexy kind of drilling. Right?” Dean poked in.

“Fifty bucks says he’s mixed up in all the crazy.” Sam continued ignoring Dean’s dumb question.

“You think?”

“Let’s go talk to him.” Sam gestured to the both of them.

“Why don’t you guys go ahead, I’ll catch up. I’m gonna do a little research.” Dean said to them.

“You sure?” Sam questioned suspiciously.

“Yeah, we gotta know what we’re up against. Right?”

“Yeah, yeah, good idea. Coming Y/n?”

“I’ll actually stick with Dean this time around, still gotta change my bandage. Meet you later?” Y/n replied wanting to know what’s up with Dean.

“Yeah, for sure.” Sam then walked out and shut the door. Dean turned away and rubbed his face.

“What’s up with you?” Questioned Y/n. Dean turned to face her.

“Nothin’.”

“Dean.” He knew she wouldn’t give it up so he sat on the bed and sighed.

“My skin crawls being in the same room as him. He hasn’t been the same since, Y/n.”

“Who? Sam?”

“Who else?”

“He seems fine to me. Maybe he’s just you know, growing into himself.” Y/n tries to come up with an explanation.

“I think he’s far past puberty Y/n. And you haven’t known him for 27 years like I have. I don’t know how much longer I can do this.” Dean looks down at his lap and fiddles with his beer. Y/n walks over to him and sits on the bed beside him to comfort him.

“If you think somethings wrong, I believe you. We’ll figure this out Dean.” Y/n says and he turns his head to look into her eyes smiling. Dean perks up feeing tense.

“Want me to change that bandage?”

“Yeah actually. Thank you.” She smiles at him.

After Dean wrapped her wrist, the ring of his cellphone made them jump from the break of silence and Dean picked it up. Once Sam’s and his conversation was over, Dean ended the call.

“Looks like we’re going to the dentist sweetheart.”

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After Y/n and Dean made their way to the dentist office they found some evidence of what the victims had in common. ‘Harry’s House of Horns.’ They found some names and went searching for answers.

“Jane and Dr. Conley. I heard, how awful. But what do I have to do with it?” Asked Harry.

“Honestly you’re the only thing they have in common.” Dean replied to the man.

“Did they say anything to you before they..” Y/n chimed in.

“Sorry, not really.” He said knowing what she was referring too.

“Okay. Thank you though.” She gave him a smile and Dean followed her out of the shop. Before they could leave the man hollered out.

“Hey, by the way. How about my horn?”

“Sorry?” Dean asked.

“Stolen horn?”

“Right. Yeah. We’re working on it.”

“Well I hope so. Things one in a billion.”

“What makes it one in a billion?” Y/n asked confused.

“It’s a museum piece. Near as anyone can tell, about a thousand years old.” Harry opened a book showing a picture and description of the ancient horn.

“Where’s it from?” Questioned Dean.

“No one knows.”

“When did it get swiped?”

“About two weeks ago. Same day Jane died.” He tried to recall. Both Y/n and Dean look at each other knowing somethings up.

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Back at the motel, the pair researched the horn finding out it is an angelic weapon. Dean grabbed his glass and shut the laptop, tossing it on the bed.

“You hear that Cas? Angelic weapon, kind of your department.” Dean said to no one in particular trying to summon Castiel.

“Dean. He hasn’t answered our calls in days.” As soon as she said it Cas decided to swoop in.

“Hello Y/n. Hello Dean.”

“Are you kidding me? I have been on red alert about Sam, and you come for some stupid horn?” Dean raised his voice at him.

“You asked me to be here and I came.”

“We’ve been asking you to be here for days! You dick.”

“Dean. Don’t you think Cas would’ve come if he had answers about Sam?” Y/n stood beside Dean trying to get through to him.

“You wouldn’t just ignore us for no reason. Would you Cas?” Y/n asked Cas calmly, keeping her trust in him.

“I have nothing to offer about Sam.”

“Well that’s great. Because for all we know, he’s gift wrap for Lucifer.” Dean states, obviously still pissed.

“No. He’s not Lucifer.”

“And how do you know that?” Dean questioned.

“If Lucifer escaped the cage. We’d feel it.”

“Do you know what’s wrong with Sam, Cas?” Y/n stepped closer.

“I don’t know Y/n. I’m sorry.”

“What happened to you Cas? You used to be human, or at least like one.” Dean looked hurt.

“I’m at war.” Cas turned away from them and sighed.

“Certain regrettable things are now required of me.” Cas says.

“And Gabriel’s ‘Horn of Truth’? That’s a real thing?” Dean asked.

“Seen it?” Cas asked them facing them again.

“We think it’s in town.” Y/n replied and Cas disappeared.

“Well. Your welcome!” Dean said sarcastically.

“It isn’t the ‘Horn of Truth’.” A voice came from behind them. The pair turned around to find Cas once again.

“You were gone like two seconds. Where did you look?”

“Everywhere.”

“Right. Well nice seeing you anyway.” Dean faced away from Cas.

“About Sam. I don’t know what’s wrong with him. But I do wanna help. I’ll make inquiries.” Cas faced Y/n but saying it to both of them.

“Thank you, Cas.” Y/n said sweetly and he disappeared once again. Y/n then faced Dean as he looked at the floor after putting his drink down. Y/n slowly walked over to Dean and put a hand on his cheek.

“Dean. He’s trying his best.” Dean raised his head and looked into her eyes. Dean looked at her lips and then her eyes again suddenly grabbing her face and kissing her. Y/n didn’t realize what was happening until a few moments later, she kissed him back for a split second before pulling away and putting her hands on his wrists.

“Dean. Dean. I- your drunk, your angry. You don’t know what you’re doing.” Y/n tried to reassure him.

“I know exactly what I’m doing Y/n. Something I should’ve done a long time ago.”

“Dean. I’m sorry but, no. I promise you, you’re not in your right mind right now. Can we just talk about this a different time?” Y/n felt bad for rejecting him. She has had a crush on Dean for what felt like forever but this was definitely not the time, and what if, with all the emotions going on in his head right now, he regrets it later? She wanted it to be at the right time.

“Uh yeah. Um I’m- I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking.” Dean turned around and poured himself another glass of liquor gulping it down.

“Dean. Don’t be mad. This just isn’t the right time for this.” Dean turned around at that.

“Why is everyone so scared of hurting my feelings lately? Is it so hard to ask for the freaking truth around here!?” Dean raised his voice at her.

“I’m sorry Dean. I- I’ve just been in love you for so long, I don’t wanna have this come up at such a shitty time, literally one of the worst times. Where Sam is acting like one of Lucifer’s spawns! And where you a- are being a piss angry dick drunk idiot!” Y/n started to yell at Dean not knowing where this came from. She definitely did not plan to tell him that, why did she even say that?

“Why’d I just say that? It’s definitely not like I daydream about you and your hands roaming my body every single day.” Y/n’s eyes go wide and so do Dean’s.

“Why did I just say that!?” Y/n slapped her hands over her mouth turning away from Dean, too embarrassed to face him.

“Uhm, great confession time Y/n.”

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean too.” She apologized.

“It’s alright. I think I know why you did.” Dean looked like a lightbulb went on in his head.

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Y/n and Dean made their way to meet Sam but Dean asked her to stay in the car while he talked to Sam for a minute, he wanted to try out his new ‘truth serum’. After finding out Sammy was fine and had not lied to Dean they all went back to the motel.

“So this was the chick’s pet?” Dean asked.

“Well, she was obsessed.” Sam replied.

“I think you mean crazy.”

“Alright so, cat skull. Grains of paradise seed. Devils shoestring. Mix them well, and you got yourself a summoning spell.”

“So, demon?” Y/n chimed in asking Sam.

“God. Corey was so desperate for the truth about her boyfriend’s cheating heart. She went digging around. Nothing panned out, so she went looking for a different kind of help.” Sam moved the laptop screen so Y/n and Dean could take a good look at it.

“Opened a door she couldn’t close.” Said Y/n.

“Yeah, and now anyone in town who asks aloud for ‘the truth’. Invokes Veritas. And she doesn’t just give it to you, she slams you with it. Till you kill yourself, and she gets her tribute.” Sam explained.

“So, all that tribute vanishing from the morgue. What do you think? A Soylent Green situation?”

“God’s gotta eat too. Which means we gotta take her out, or you’re on the menu.” Sam refers to Dean.

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Sam sat on one bed watching all the clips from a certain news lady with his earbuds in seeing if he could catch anything while Y/n sat on the other bed reading a book she had brought. Dean eventually hopped in the spot beside her making her put her book down.

“Listen, Y/n. About earlier.” Dean started.

“It’s fine Dean.” Y/n said not wanting to relive that embarrassing moment.

“No, it’s not. You were right, I was drunk and pissed at Sam and Cas. I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

“Although, it seemed like you daydream about a little more than that.” Dean smirked and Y/n’s cheeks went pink, she put her hands on her face trying to hide her smile.

“Hey check this out.” Sam took out his earbuds rewinding the footage back. Y/n and Dean made their way over to Sam. He pressed play on the video which was a news lady being interrupted by a barking dog in the background.

“Wait, zoom in on that.” Y/n spotted something. Sam zoomed in and the woman’s eyes were a bright glowing blue, definitely not normal. The 3 of them looked at each other.

*:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*

The 3 made their way inside the ‘news woman’s’ house, they were caught off guard by her and were roughly thrown across the room being knocked out.

After waking up with their wrists tied behind them to separate pillars, the woman in elegant clothing tore off the tongue of a dead man lying on the table beside her. She lifted the tongue to her face.

“The tongue is the tastiest part. It’s where the lies roll off.” She took a bite of it making satisfied sounds.

“I cannot wait to eat yours. I mean I’ve seen lies before, but you three? Gold standard.”

“Point of professional pride.” Dean said smiling.

“I wouldn’t be so cocky if I were you, Dean. You know what happens when you base your life on lies, right? The truth comes along and..” She doesn’t finish her sentence walking around the room.

“So, while you’ve still got your tongue. God knows you’ve gotten an earful. I think it’s your turn to spill some.” She bent down talking to Dean.

“How about we play a little Truth or Truth? What should we ask Dean first, hmm? Something personal about one of you?” She says looking between Y/n and Sam.

“Hey Dean. I’m curious. What do you really feel about your brother?”

“Better now. As of yesterday I wanted to kill him in his sleep.” Sam gave Dean a confused look.

“I thought he was a monster. But now I think..”

“Now you think what?” The woman asks.

“He’s just acting like me.”

“What do you mean?” She pushes.

“It’s the gig. You’re covered in blood till you’re in your own blood. Half the time you’re about to die. Like right now. I told myself I wanted out. That I wanted a family.” Y/n looks down at her lap at Dean’s words.

“But you were lying.”

“No. But what I’m good at is slicing throats. I ain’t a father, I’m a killer. And there’s no changing that, I know that now.”

“Dean..” Y/n had tears in her eyes. The woman stood up and walked around.

“So Sam walking back into your life must have been a relief as well as Y/n entering it. Hm? And how do you feel about joining the band? Y/n?” She crouched down beside her.

“I- I can’t really complain. They’re the only family I have left.” Y/n said sniffling her tears back.

“And, your feelings towards Dean? They don’t compromise that?” Sam looks at Y/n.

“I’ve gotten this far, haven’t I?” After that, Sam suddenly cuts in.

“Look lady, what we do is hard. But we watch out for each other. And that’s what’s important. And that’s it, that’s the truth.” She looks at him in disbelief.

“No. No. It’s not.”

“You said yourself. I can’t lie.” Says Sam as she gets up.

“How are you doing that?! That’s not possible. You’re lying to me!”

“No, I’m not!”

“What are you? What is he?!” She looks at Y/n and Dean for answers.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Sam replies.

“Really? I doubt that. I doubt anything that comes out of your mouth right now! You’re not human.” She says through gritted teeth.

“What?” Dean and Y/n say in unison.

“You guys didn’t know that? Now that I believe.” Suddenly Sam’s restraints snap and he lunges forward to punch her, they both fight as Dean and Y/n struggle to get their restraints off. Dean cuts his free with the knife given to him by Sam and goes to grab a weapon after he passed the knife to Y/n. As the woman is choking Sam, Dean hits her in the back but not well enough before Y/n stabs her in the chest after breaking free. Y/n twists the knife inside her and she falls the the ground. The 3 of them stand up out of breath but Dean brings his knife up in front of Sam.

“Dean? What’re you doing!?” Y/n asks.

“Dean, it’s me.” Sam reassures him after he ignored Y/n’s question.

“You are not my brother.”

“Just listen-“

“What are you?!” Dean yells.

“Dean stop!” Y/n tried to cut in.

“It’s me Dean!” Sam says as Dean steps closer to him.

“Look. Please. Just let me explain-“

“Why should I believe anything you say?”

“Okay okay, you want the truth? Here it is.” Dean slowly puts the knife down.

“She was right. There’s something wrong with me. Really wrong. I’ve known for awhile now. I’ve lied to you guys, yeah.. And I let you get turned by that vamp, because I knew there was a cure. And we needed in that nest! And I knew you could handle it!”

“Sam..” Y/n said his name with disappointment.

“Handle it?? I could have died!” Dean raged.

“And that should have stop me cold. But I- I just don’t feel it.”

“You what?”

“Ever since I came back. I am a better hunter than I have ever been! Nothing scared me anymore. Cause I can’t feel it- I don’t know.. What’s wrong with me. I think.. I need help.” Y/n looked at Sam with tears in her eyes. Dean just turned, put his knife down and turned back to Sam who let out a breath. Dean took a moment before lunging his fist at him making Sam fall the the floor until Dean picked him back up by his shirt punching him again and again and again.

“DEAN! STOP, PLEASE.” Y/n screamed at Dean scared he would go too far. After a few more punches Dean backed off leaving Sam’s face unrecognizable with all the blood and his lifeless body just lying there.

“Dean..” She looked at him with hurt in her eyes until she turned to aid to Sammy.

[fandomsaligninstories]

You Left Me

Prompt: Being suicidal, because a hunters life is anything but pleasant, especially after the man you love, Gabriel, died. Song Rec: Dancing With Your Ghost (acoustic) by Sasha Alex Sloan TW: Suicidal thoughts and actions, depression, abandonment  Word Count: 1.6k Pairing: Gabriel x Reader A/N: This is short and crappy and depressing, but I wrote it years ago while going through some shit to make myself feel better.

Allyanna's POV:

I looked down at the gun in my hands, thinking back to when I first got it...

"Hey, Ally! Get your ass over here!" Claire yelled across the school parking lot, nodding at me.

"Hey Claire, what's up?" I threw my bag in the backseat, settling into the passenger seat.

"I found a hunt, you want to come? It's just a wolf from the looks of it," She pulled out of the lot, heading towards Jody's house.

"Sure, yeah. Where at, and when do we leave?" I starred out the window, attempting to not let my mind wander.

"It's a few hours out of town, figured we'd leave tonight."

"Cool, okay."

------

"Winchesters. What are you doing here?" Claire snapped, glaring at each of them, particularly the one in a trench coat. He looked sad, desperate even.

"Hello to you too, Claire." He sighed, eyes glancing at me for a split second before disregarding me.

"Jody called us, and we just happened to be in the area," The tall one with long hair said, leaning against their black car. It looked to be old, maybe from the 60's or 70's, but it was clean enough to be brand new.

"Of course she did," Claire growled, turning towards me and glaring, "did you tell her we were leaving? Because I sure as hell didn't."

"I... I did, yeah. She deserved to know where we were going, she would've-" She cut me off with a low scream.

"You did the right thing, um..." The tall one said, looking at me.

"Oh, I'm Allyanna." I gave a small smile.

"I'm Sam, this is Castiel and Dean." He pointed to the other two men with him, neither acknowledging me, "anyway's, what are we hunting?"

"A wolf, hiding out in a cabin a few miles down the road. I can handle it on my own, just take her with you, since she can't seem to handle herself without counting on mommy." Claire glared at me, heading towards her car. Dean said something to Sam before jogging to the other side of Claire's car, getting in with her. They pulled off soon after.

"Well, I guess we're giving you a ride home." Sam smiled sadly, nodding towards the car. We were currently a few miles outside of town, in the woods where the wolf was hiding out. We started the drive back to town, but soon stopped when something hit the car and we almost swerved off the road.

"What was that?" Castiel asked, turning in his seat to look out the window.

"I don't know, stay here." Sam started getting out, but I shouted a quick 'no'. He turned around to look at me, "what is it?"

"Give me a weapon, mine was in Claire's car, and I might need one." I made up an excuse to hide my nerves of what might be out in the shadows. He nodded warily and pulled a small, pearlescent handgun out of a bag, handing it to me.

A few minutes later he got back in the car, blood on his hands, "it was just a deer..." He sighed.

-------

Sometimes I wonder what would've happened had I not gone with Claire on that hunt all those years ago. I never would've met the Winchesters or Castiel, which meant I never would've gotten dragged into the fight between angels and demons. I never would've allowed myself to trust them, to trust myself. Maybe I would've gotten better, or much worse.

I smiled at the thought of the good, what little of it there was. Sam, Dean, Cass, they're such amazing hunters and even better friends. Claire, Jody, Alex, they never would've become my family. I never would've met Gabriel, the only light in the darkness. None of them understand, and I pray they never do. They don't deserve the darkness that floods my mind at all hours of the day.

I sighed, setting the gun beside me on the desk. I grabbed my pen and paper, finally deciding on how to explain myself to everyone.

To whoever finds this,

First of all, I'm sorry. To have found this letter means to have found me, and that in turn means having to inform everyone listed below. It's a lot to ask, and to be frank, I can't blame you if you never shared this letter with them.

To my mom and sisters, I'm sorry. I love you guys. Jody, thank you for taking me in and taking care of me as if I were your own. Alex, thank you for helping me when I needed someone to be there. Claire, we were never close, hell, I'm sure you hate me, but I always looked up to you- your strength, you're admirable. You're all my family, and I thank you for all you did for me.

To Sam, Dean, and Castiel. I'm not sure what I can say. You three have singlehandedly saved the world more times than anyone will ever know. You're insanely strong and brave. I thank you all everything. Sam, thank you for teaching me so much stuff- from hunting, to knowledge I'd only ever dreamed of. Dean, thank you for taking care of me when I needed it, and every time you came to my aid. Castiel... Thank you for everything you'd ever done for me. You taught me so much, and you introduced me to Gabriel, and I'll forever be grateful for that. Try to get me into heaven, will you? Maybe he'll be there, and I'd like to see him...

To Gabe... I know you'll never read this. You're dead now. Lucifer killed you. I'm so, so sorry. I wasn't there for you, I wasn't there to help you. You helped me more than you can imagine, you kept me sane. You were the only light in all of this darkness. And now you're gone. I love you, dear. Forever and always.

To any other friends, acquaintances, and family I haven't mentioned by name, thank you for just simply being you, and for teaching me everything you did.

I know you guys will be hurting by my decision, and I'm sorry for that. I tried to get help, and I tried to move past this, but nothing worked. Sometimes the darkness becomes too much, and you just know the light will never come back. I know you'll blame yourselves, that's just how this goes, but promise me something. None of you are to blame. You're all the reasons I've made it this far, but I'm just too tired to keep fighting. I'm sorry. I love you all.

Goodbye, Allyanna Mills.

I placed my pen back into its holder, centering the paper on my desk. I spun around in my chair, making sure my room was clean. I had already packed everything in boxes, hoping that'd make it easier to get rid of it all and move on. I stood up and straightened my shirt, pushed my chair in, and pointed the lamp at the letter. I picked up the gun and walked towards my bathroom, laid in the empty tub.

I stilled for a moment, listening to the noises around me. Someone was watching tv, another was walking through the hall. The dogs in the neighborhood were barking, and the birds were still up chirping. The front door slammed shut. My breathing was oddly slow, and I felt calm. My hands shook, and tears slid down my cheeks, but none of that mattered. Not now, not before, not ever. I wasn’t meant for this life.

I turned the gun in my hands a few times, thinking this over. It wouldn't be the first time I backed out, but it didn't take long for my mind to settle on my answer. I knew what I wanted, and there was only one way to achieve it.

I lifted the gun to below my chin, flipping the safety off. I took a deep breath, one two three, death is coming for me. Before I could pull the trigger, the gun was flying out of my hands.

"What the HELL do you think you're doing?!" A familiar voice rang out. My eyes shot open, staring at my lost love.

"Gabe... Gabe? How are you-?" My breathing picked up, truly I had to be seeing things.

"It's a long story, but it doesn't matter right now. I read the letter on your desk, and now I need you to come here and talk to me." He set the gun down on the sink, walking over and kneeling by the tub. I wrapped my arms around his neck, breathing in his scent. Caramel and scotch. He picked me up and carried me out to my bed, laying with me in his lap, cradled in his arms. We sat in the silence awhile, him waiting for me to speak, and me waiting to find my words.

"I... It's too much. It hurts too much, Gabriel. I'm always tired, always in pain. I can't even leave the house anymore. You... you died... And everything got worse. I couldn't do it anymore, I just- I couldn't-" I buried my face back in his neck, pressing myself against him, terrified of him leaving again, of this being a dream.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I'm here now, okay? And I promise to never leave you again, I swear on my life. I'm here, everyone's here for you. We love you, I love you.  Please, if you ever feel like suicide is the only answer, call me. Call someone, anyone. I can't lose you, you’re the only thing that kept me going these few months." He kissed the top of my head, sighing heavily.

I leaned back, looking over him. His hair was long and messy, his normal scruff a full beard, and his normally light eyes dark and glossed over. I nodded, placing my hands on either side of his face, pulling his lips to mine. His grip on me tightened, pulling me tighter against him. I pulled back and rested my forehead against his, mesmerized by his very existence.

[theblackestvalkyrie]

GUIDELINES AND RULES

I used to have a schedule and post on Monday & Friday with weekends scattered but that was too constricting for my mental health and creativity. I write when I want, how I want, on the topics I’m interested in and having an audience is a nice bonus.

                                     GUIDELINES

I haven’t written fanfiction/stories in 5 years due to plagiarism and personal issues related to my mental illnesses and during that time I have collected literally hundreds of ideas and needed somewhere to dump them. Angst is my specialty and I write a lot of villain-centric/sympathetic stories so sometimes the villain wins so many of my stories will have a trigger warning (tw). If things like suicide, depression, character deaths, etc are things you don’t want to read then skip them.

I am also a csa (and other categories of abuse) survivor and while there will be no underage/”dead dove do not eat” content on this page (examples of exceptions would be Peter Parker x reader who is the same age as him), many of my stories I write to channel my trauma.

I mostly write things that I would want to read or can’t find in other fics. That being said I do have a list of things I do and don’t write. Some things are not up for debate so don’t bother asking.

IN THIS NEW AGE OF AN OVERLY SENSITIVE TUMBLR, I WOULD LIKE TO KINDLY REMIND EVERYONE THAT I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER. IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO READ ANYTHING TABOO OR TRIGGERING THEN BLOCK THE TAG “TABOO”.  

THIS BLOG IS 18+ FOR A REASON. ONLY YOU MAKE THE DECISION TO CLICK ON AND VIEW ALL CONTENT ON MY PAGE.

I DO NOT WRITE:

White Characters. Do not ask me why repeatedly, request it, and demand it. Put plain and simple, almost every story on Tumblr (and everywhere else) has a white character by default and I want a place where black fans can see themselves reflected in fanfiction. That being said, I welcome everyone from all walks of life to read my content and some fics may be race-neutral or actually white which will be properly tagged.

Fake texts or reactions. I feel like they’re great forms of writing for other people but for me personally, it’s a lazy way to write so I won’t be doing them right now. I may in the future and at the moment I am trying to practice other forms of writing.

FAT/PLUS SIZE, MALE, OR GENDER-NEUTRAL CHARACTERS. I don't have any interest in writing for characters that aren't female plain and simple. There are several talented writers who you can look to for this content but I am not one so don't request it as it will be ignored. As for writing fat/plus-size characters, I will not budge on that as I am suffering from an eating disorder (currently relapsed) and don’t feel comfortable doing so in any capacity.

Ships (of any kind). (Ex: Dean Winchester & Castiel – Supernatural)

Crossovers.

Badfics/parody fics.

Song Fics/Requests.

Poetry Fics/Requests.

Bestiality. (exceptions can be made ex: monsterfucking, A/B/O fics)

Amnesia. (some exceptions can be made)

AU fics. (only certain types)

Genderswap.

MPREG.

Trans male/female anything. Don’t ask. Failure to comply will result in your asks being deleted and will get you blocked

I DO WRITE:

Soulmate AU’s.

Pregnancy.

Angst/Fluff/Smut. just the usual fics

Noncon/Rape.

Challenge fics. (fics based on Tumblr posts, funny pictures, etc where I challenge myself to make them into stories)

Gore/Death/Murder.

Pregnancy fics.

Mentally ill/Disabled Readers. (Upon request)

Suicide/Suicidal readers.

Underage Smut/Relationships. Absolutely no children. I do not take these kinds of fics lightly. I will write for characters like Peter Parker tho

Specific Kinks. See the 'Taboo Masterlist' for specific kinks

Incest. 

Threesomes (sometimes orgies). Must be reader-centric

Poly Relationships. These are always reader focused and not the other characters with each other

Lesbian/Bisexual/Pansexual Relationships.

RPF (Real Person Fiction). This only applies to certain people and I will let you know upon request

                                          FANDOMS

My fandoms are ever-changing. To see a full and complete list please see the pinned Masterlist post which is constantly being updated.

              AO3 & FF.NET

I do have accounts under archiveofourown.org and fanfiction.net and while I do use a separate pseudonym, I do post full detailed stories (ff.net not so much anymore). I will have a link to my ao3 account in the description and when I post stories I will post a preview or sample of my work with a link so you can read them if you want. Keep in mind that my fics on ao3 are also 18+ and the same rules apply except for requesting stories. I don’t take requests on a03 or ff.net but I do on Tumblr. I will be using the hashtag “#ao3previews”.

                                                 RULES

Don’t ask me when I am updating. As I mentioned above, I will post erratically.

RPF (Real Person Fiction) is a work in progress. That’s probably going to be one of the last kinds of stories I’ll write here so if you want them please be patient.

IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT, DON’T READ IT. If you message me to complain about the content I'm telling you right now I don't give a shit. I definitely won't respond.

I don’t really do tag lists anymore. I like the freedom of only having to write for myself and having people choose to read it.

DO NOT STEAL MY WORK. This is one of the reasons why I stopped writing anything at all but I have since learned how to properly doxx someone so please don’t be an asshole and steal my work or I will find you. Also, please notify me if you see my work anywhere else on Tumblr or any other platforms. I will only post on this account on Tumblr unless otherwise stated!

               ~~Xiomara~~

[impala-dreamer]

Everlong - Masterlist

A Supernatural Series

~Y/N has everything she's ever wanted - the love of a good man, a best friend she can lean on, drama, magic, and heroics. But everyone knows, things aren't always what they seem.~

Dean Winchester x Reader, Sam Winchester, Rowena, Castiel, Others

Series Warnings: NSFW. Angst. Smut. Blood. Magic. Trauma. Suicidal Issues. Major Character Death(s). Strangeness. It's Super Angst. Chapters won't be tagged to preserve story flow, but it is all angst. Be warned. 

Chapters:

One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten Eleven Twelve Thirteen Fourteen Fifteen

[coppercatwrites]

Hit the brakes - Castiel x Reader

Pairing: Castiel x reader Warning: Suicidal reader. Mentions of suicide. Attempted suicide. Please do not read if it is triggering to you.  synop: Hunter reader Is tired of running from the monsters that chase her. The only way you see out is by death. Thankfully, you have an angel on your shoulder.

A/N: My first supernatural fanfiction. Castiel is a special character to me. Even though in the season I’m at right now, I’m very upset with him lol but it just felt right that my first spn fic went out to him. This subject came to me at random and I’ve been stuck on it since it popped in my head.  If you’re reading these themes because you’re feeling similar emotions, I am open if you need to talk, vent, or get some sort advice. I will try my best. You hold important space in this world. Don’t let your negative emotions win. You are far more stronger than you think you are. <3 

15… 20… 30…

The lead foot on the gas pedal gets heavier by the second. 

40… 50… 60…

Your fears dragging you forward and forward. And hopefully, onward and upward.

70… 80… 90.. 

Out out out I gotta get out of here.

100… 150… 165…

“What are you doing!” 

Eyes narrowing onto the empty road, you ignore Cas in the passenger seat of Baby. 

Faster faster faster come on baby you can do it.

As he reaches out to touch your shoulder, you turn the car to the left. The tires scream as he gets sent further into the passenger door.

“Touch me and I will make this car crash, Castiel.” 

He takes in a deep breath as he watches your hands tighten around the blood covered wheel. 

“Why?” 

As a tear breaks past your walls, you take a shaky breath in. 

“Dean told me everyone has their own personal heaven when they die.” 

He swallows and looks to the road and back at your face. 

“I can stop this car if you force me to. You don’t want what you’re asking for.” 

You smirk. “Castiel, what would happen to a person with no seatbelt in a car that abruptly stops?” 

“I can take us out of this car right now and we will be back at the bunker in the blink of an eye.” 

Hand on the window controls, you sigh. “Oh really, Castiel? You think so?” 

As the window goes up, the blood-smeared banishing symbol practically laughs in his face. 

“Why are you insisting on death?”

“I… I…” you sigh, “I can’t have a normal life here. Not any more. I am being hunted every day by monsters and that is never going to change. My way out is through heaven. Or, well, hell.” 

As the road turns from asphalt to dirt, the Impala starts to become harder to control. The tires rumble underneath as the dips and holes slow it down. 

As he sits up forward, you raise your hand to hover against the window. Your voice bouncing off the interior. 

“I’m tired of running Castiel!” you breathe. “It’s all I ever do anymore. I’m tired. I’m so tired. Why can’t you just let me rest?” 

“You’re going to be so alone up there. You will get bored. You will miss this.” 

Your eyebrows furrow. “You don’t know what my heaven will look like.” 

“Well neither do you.” he sighs. “Stay here. Stay here with me.” 

Returning your hand back to the steering wheel, you clench your jaw. “I wish it was that easy.” 

“I will fight these monsters with you. I’m sure Sam and Dean will be willing to help. We wont let them get to you. I swear by it. Please, just stop the car.” 

Finally looking at your surroundings, you see nothing but trees below and hills on your left. A glance forward shows a sharp turn. Calculating your height, you will definitely not survive the fall...

Tears start to fall freely down your face. “I can’t.” 

“I love you, damnit! Stop the car and we can work this out!” 

As you get closer to the edge of the hill, you suck in a breath. 

“I… I cut the breaks before I got in.” 

As the front tires leap off the hill, Castiel leans over and grabs you in an embrace. Now standing on solid ground, you hear the car flip and roll and crunch its way down the rest of the hill. You buried your head into his chest and gripped the lapels of his trench coat like your life depended on it. Because, well, it did. 

He holds you close as your tears soaked through his dress shirt. When he pulls away, he holds your head in his hands, his thumbs wiping away a few tears. 

“I need you to promise me something.” 

After a sniffle or two, you hold eye contact with his blue eyes. 

“Don’t ever, ever do that again.” 

Nodding your head, you fall into his chest once more with fresh tears. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” 

As he rests his head atop yours, you find yourself in your room at the bunker. After a few more minutes of his embrace, you pull away and wipe your eyes. 

“Castiel, I love you too.” 

With a smile, he leans in and places a gentle kiss on your head. Walking to the door, he turns. 

 “We will figure this out. For now, you need to rest while I figure out how to tell dean about his car.” 

Sitting on the bed, you wrap your arms around your legs. 

“Can… can you stay for a while longer? I don't want to be alone.” 

Closing the door, he lays on the opposite side of the bed. As you fall back next to him, he wraps an arm across you and pulls you to his chest. 

“Everything is going to be alright from now on. I’ll keep you safe from the other supernatural, and yourself.”

[daughterofcain-67]

𝕽𝖆𝖎𝖘𝖊𝖉 𝖎𝖓 𝕭𝖑𝖔𝖔𝖉 (𝔭𝔱5)

(Dean Winchester x Female Reader)

(masterlist)

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: After Dean finds out that Tessa is a part of the cultish actions and suicide bombings, he takes Tessa back to Castiel's headquarters to see if he can get her to tell him why she's doing this and who is behind framing Cass. All the while, you see how Castiel and Sam worry about Dean. You recall hearing about the brothers through the grapevine and you've never heard of something like these brothers have. It makes you begin to wonder if being human was really so tricky, if you had been missing out since you never had that chance like other demons.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: mentions of suicide bombing, suicide, death of a character, SPN level violence and gore. Mentions of torture. May not be suitable for all audiences. Continuation of the previous chapter, heavily based on Season 9 Episode 22 so there will be major spoilers if you have not seen this episode.

Previously…

"I don't know exactly why Sam wanted you to come along. But if he expect you to talk me into slowing down he really needs to understand that I'm fine. Everyone's got their shit they need to handle and this is mine." Dean told you in a less argumentative tone.

"Then you really need to start asking yourself how far you're willing to go. How many people are you willing to lose? How many loved ones will you leave behind because you won't accept the help. This mark? It's not a gift, Dean. It's a curse. And you have no idea what you've gotten yourself into."

Now…

Dean had located Tessa and insisted that he should go and talk to Tessa alone because he wasn't sure how Tessa would react to him approaching her with a demon by his side.

You couldn't blame him for that. You knew demons had a bad reputation everywhere you went, plus it didn't really matter what he said as long as he got the reaper there so he and Sam could do their little interrogation.

You had to admit, it was rather puzzling to you why a reaper would get themselves caught up in this angelic mess of things.

While you waited on Dean to return with Tessa, you sat in a separate interrogation room. No one asked you to be there and you weren't getting questioned luckily. You just wanted to get away from the glares of the angels around you. It was pretty annoying more than it was anxiety inducing. Plus if you were there it's not like they'd get anything done because they'd be arguing with Hannah about if Castiel really told you to be there or not.

So the interrogation room was where you chose to go because it was a lot quieter than Castiel's office. It gave you a space to think, even meditate a little on things.

You thought about your short conversation with Dean. You remembered the interaction with Sam and Dean in the car. You remembered the tension between them and you could understand why Dean was angry for Sam going behind his back. It was a form of deception.

What you couldn't understand is why Sam would go to such great lengths to try and save Dean. If he could even be saved. Were siblings really like that?

Then again you wouldn't necessarily know for sure because the closest thing you had to siblings were the demons that went into hiding with Abaddon that taught you the best methods of murder and torture from what they could remember from the Knights of Hell. The only time Abaddon was ever involved was to supervise your "exams" and see how you were progressing, so she wasn't exactly the best maternal role model.

You remembered when you opened your tattoo parlor in Cincinnati. The humans that came to your shop were all interesting. You didn't know why, but they'd tell you about their lives or their families, their celebrations and their problems. Being human sounded like such a tricky thing.

But even with those interactions with your clients, you hadn't seen anything quite like Sam and Dean. You've heard through the grapevine about the brothers over the years. Some of your clients had been hunters, and if it wasn't through hunters, you knew of a spell or two that would connect you to some sort of demonic radar that you used to use back in the day to catch up with the world especially when the End Times were supposedly upon you before Sam and Dean saved the world.

Anyway, you've heard about when the great John Winchester died supposedly to save his son, heard how Sam was supposed to die but Dean Winchester took his place in Hell and stayed there for 40 years Hell time. You've never heard of someone sacrificing themselves like that to save their brother. You heard that it wasn't the first time they've almost killed themselves to save the other.

You weren't sure if it was what humans called love or pure stupidity.

Either way, you couldn't help but be more intrigued by these two brothers the more you were with them these past couple of days.

As you sat at the table, you closed your eyes and allowed yourself to think. Then you could practically feel another vision making its way into your mind.

Everything around you was pitch black. Then a reddish smog surrounded you and a door slowly appeared into the distance. You took a glance at your surroundings just to realize that you were alone. Sam and Dean weren’t there, neither was their little angel friend or his underlings. It was simply you standing in front of a red door. For some reason it was like the door was calling to you and you slowly started to walk toward it and you slowly opened it up.

When you did, you saw a hallway cluttered with bodies of humans, demons, angels and monsters. Their bodies had so many gashes, their heads were bludgeoned, some of their features were missing and the victims were all mutilated. The walls and floor were painted and splattered with shades of red and black with the mixed blood of these corpses. You couldn’t even tell if the floor you were standing on was carpet or wood with how much blood was all over the place. You could smell the iron mixed with the sulfur, it was nauseating, even for someone like you.

As you stood in awe, you heard footsteps. From around the corner there was a red almost smokey figure, faceless and formless yet somehow it was able to walk around on its own. It reached out in front of itself and its arm extended only for your eyes to widen as you realized it was coming after you. But before you could even think of running or fighting it off, it gripped you tightly and the walls surrounding you seemed to crash down. Even the door you entered through was reduced to rubble.

The scene was replaced with the familiar setting you were used to while you were growing up. It was the torture chamber your mother, Abaddon, assigned to you as a child when she was training you to become a ruthless killer. The figure stood at your table of tools and held up a special knife that could kill both demons and angels. Much like Ruby’s blade did.

Then the figure walked towards you with your weapon before motioning to the chains holding up a body. When you looked to see who it was, you could see that it was a version of yourself you didn’t quite recognize. It was a version of you without a mark from your father on her arm. This version had fear on their face, she was shedding tears.

“What has she done?” You asked the red figure.

It waved its hand and opened up was seemed to be some kind of vortex. You saw the things this alternate you had been through and it seemed to be some kind of reality where this ‘you’ was human, not a demon.

You could see that this version of you had also met Sam and Dean. Dean had the mark and you could see what he was going through. But this version of you was knowledgeable in how to maintain the pain of the mark. This version of you saw what happened when Dean wielded the first Blade, what happened when he tried to kill Metatron. He became something you didn’t recognize and the human version of you made a deal with a demon.

Eternal suffering for some sort of mistake you made but you couldn’t tell what the mistake was.

“She forgot who she was meant to be.” A feminine voice said. Then a figure stepped from behind the other version of you that was chained up.

Abaddon.

“You’re dead… the Winchester boy killed you.” You said starting to get on the defensive.

“So he did. It seems you’re having another vision. Similar to that one your father gave you.” The deceased Knight of Hell said and rolled her eyes.

“But you see this mess this human is in, don’t you? She became a little too curious about humanity. It started with more meaningful interactions with her little tattoo parlor customers, then it escalated to the curiosity of the two brothers.” Abaddon continued as she cupped the human version of yourself by her jaw.

"Because of that curiosity, she traded the immortality of a demon for a human life to experience humanity. She would rather walk amongst these worthless beings than be who she was bread for. She befriended the hunters and sacrificed everything and when Dean succumbed to his fate, she couldn't accept it and made a deal."

“She became pathetic. Useless. Weak. All because she wanted a taste of humanity.” She said and walked towards you, the red figure changed the view in the mirror to a version of you from your childhood.

"The deal was she would trade her life and be tortured for eternity in exchange to save Dean's life as a penance for trading her demonic ancestry for humanity. That was her consequence. Of course, I don't want this future for someone with such talents. I remember when you were so much younger, learning your trade." Abaddon continued and looked in the mirror.

This version of you could have only been ten years old. Your hair was in a ponytail, your body was covered in blood as you held a knife. The mark in your arm seemed to glow as you had just finished up your first Massacre in Virginia.

The conspiracy of the Lost Colony in Roanoke Island? That was no mysterious disappearance. It was an exam. Your first exam and you had passed with flying colors according to your mother.

You killed all of those people. You killed the men, women and children so effortlessly, heartlessly. It was a blood bath and Abaddon's demons cleaned up after you making it seem like the entire village simply disappeared.

“You must always remember what you were bred for. No matter what. With all of these human interactions, you must never forget what you are. You are nothing but a killer, Y/N. And once the Winchesters supposedly defeat Metatron, you take the blade back and you kill both of them. You resume your path and come out of hiding.”

You remember how good it felt when you held that blade for the first time after retrieving it from the ocean. It was a foolish decision to throw it back where your father had it. It felt so exhilarating to slaughter all of those demons with it.

"Or, you can kill Dean when the time is right. Your father is right, he was born to be a killer. Show him a taste of your world. Not only could you become Queen of Hell, but you would be the demon that finally killed a Winchester. Better than that, you would turn him into a demon like your father became."

"The Mistress of Murder should not hide in the shadows. You were made for more than hiding like your father…” you could hear your mother’s voice fade away.

The next thing you knew, you were awake again in the same interrogation room.

You couldn’t help but wonder what the hell that vision was about. A human version of yourself... Yes you were curious about the boys, but why would it end up being almost like torture if you never actually cared. You've only just met them. So what if anything happened to either of those boys? If they died because they did some stupid move, what were you supposed to do about it?

The only reason you were here was to get Dean to learn to keep his mark under control. Then you didn’t care what happened next. He was still human after all so there was room for error. If he suffered the same fate your father did, that was beyond your control. Maybe Sam would get in the way or maybe their angel friend would interfere causing a fatality. Who knew?

But there was a point made in the vision… you had every right to claim the blade as your own. Why shouldn’t you take it after these hunters get done with their angel on angel business? You knew how to use it better than they did.

But the matter of killing Dean... It had been so long since you've killed a human, but Dean couldn't be the choice. Your mother just wanted to be the Queen of Hell but she was dead now. Crowley was in charge, you had no interest in Hell. You honestly didn't find an interest in killing Dean specifically.

If you wanted to kill a human, you wanted it to be worth it. Something that would make that high last a little longer than just a few moments before the urge to kill would hit you again. Neither Winchester would fit that for you.

What got you the most was the fact that the other version of yourself preferred humanity. Then trading her life for Dean? Just because you were curious about human emotion didn't mean you would be stupid enough to actually go through with something like that.

You refused.

"You wounded her, Dean." You heard a voice bring you from your thoughts.

"What the hell?" You wondered as you stepped out of the room.

Dean found Tessa at a theatre and even saw the ambulance as his proof of her being there. A stupid idea to take an ambulance if you were trying to avoid standing out.

He waited behind a pillar and heard footsteps he hoped belonged to Tessa and when he turned around he saw her making her way up the stairs to the entrance.

"Hey there, Tessa." Dean s poke and the reaper turned around and looked at the hunter with confusion.

"You're supposed to be at the hospital tonight aren't ya? If you wanted to sneak out of work, I wouldn't have taken one of their ambulances. They have GPS after all." The hunter said.

"What are you doing here, Dean? Are just into musical theatre that much?" She asked, matching his sarcasm.

"Not unless it's Fiddler." He smirked and Tessa rolled her eyes

"We need to talk." Tessa shook her head.

"Can't. Kinda busy tonight. Got a date." She said and when she turned around, Dean grabbed her arm and her jacket slipped, revealing the carvings embedded in her skin. Dean's eyes darkened at the sight.

"I don't think so." Dean said and handcuffed the reaper. When Tessa tried to stop him, he pinned her against the side of the stairs.

"Where's the other one? Where's Constantine?" He asked and Tessa clearly wasn't willing to tell him anything.

Dean could tell she knew where he was and was refusing to say a word. He sighed before he dragged her off to the Impala so they could get back to Castiel's quarters.

Once they made it back, Dean got on the phone with Sam.

"You'll never guess who I ran into. Say hello to Sam, Tessa." Dean said all she could say to his brother was that Dean was a freak and Dean rolled his eyes as he walked into the building where there were a couple of angels talking with Hannah about something.

Dean hung up the phone and as he walked through the building he almost made it passed the angels before Hannah came towards them.

"Tessa? What are you doing?" Hannah asked and Dean looked at the reaper.

"You wanna tell her?" The reaper resumed to silence and Dean slipped her jacket to the side to reveal the Enochian symbol on her chest. Hannah couldn't believe.

"O-Oh my God..."

"There is no God. Only Castiel." This caused Dean to scoff.

"Yeah, and you're done." He said and escorted Tessa to the interrogation chambers.

He was determined to get to the bottom of this with any means necessary. But if only he knew what the angels were saying behind his back. But he could hear those footsteps behind him. He had every intention of ignoring them but he knew they wouldn't exactly make it easy.

"You wounded her, Dean." Hannah said

"All I did was mess up the carving to break the spell. Disarming her really." Dean said only for another angel to start to comment.

"And now what will you do? Torture? Kill her? So predictable now." the Angel asked. It was the same one he had just had his little interview with that told him about Tessa. She seemed like a bitch and he was so tired of people trying to question his logic and constantly undermine his techniques.

Another door opened and Dean saw you walk out, he assumed it was to see what was going on. He thought you were back in Cass's office.

"You need to understand that only one person can make those judgement calls. Yes what Tessa was planning to do was horrible but Castiel deserves to know what's going on. He's the one holding us all together so we can all go home." Hannah said, trying to persuade Dean not to torture the reaper just for interrogation purposes.

"We have rules and we want to live in peace rather than fight our way to every conclusion or hurt people just to get the answers we want or need to get." She continued. Before Dean knew it, he was being surrounded by angels and he didn't like the looks of this one bit.

Sure he could take them on. He was confident in that. But for the sake of making things easier on Cass, he went back to listening to what Hannah had to say that she felt was so vital to keep him from his task.

"You can do this without harming her. You should talk to her and I encourage it. But you need to leave the blade out here." Hannah spoke, referring to the angel blade she knew he was armed with.

Dean listened and he thought all of this was a waste of time. He looked at Hannah and asked, "Are you asking, or is that some kind of order?"

Then an angel beside her interrupted, "We aren't asking."

Dean looked at the angel that spoke when he wasn't asking him the question. A thought crossed his mind to use the angel blade in his hand and drive it through is neck. But of course if he wanted to get this little intervention over with, he knew he needed to comply even if it wasn't exactly sincere.

He handed the angel blade over to Hannah and walked into Tessa's interrogation room. Unfortunately for him, Hannah decided to tag along.

You watched the entire thing in the hall and you were amazed at the self restraint Dean seemed to have. But then again, just because you have the mark doesn't mean you lose your whit. There's a certain way for things to be done. Maybe he did have self control after all.

You glanced at Hannah who was looking into your direction. Maybe Castiel told her you were some kind of short leash for Dean's loss of control. A lie possibly but who knew what Castiel told the angels, you weren't there when he said it.

Either way, Hannah motioned for you to come into the room and you lifted a brow before following them to observe what exactly Dean would do to the reaper. Could reapers even die? They've been around longer than even Cain himself. Then again, only a reaper would know how to kill itself if they're the ones behind the suicide bombings.

"Let's start with something easy.. who do you work for?" You could hear Dean ask with his gruff, semi irritated voice. You couldn't blame him for being agitated after being surrounded by angels. He really didn't need a baby sitter.

"Castiel." Tessa answered only for Hannah to call her out as a liar. The reaper looked at the angel and glared.

"There are some things that creatures like you will never understand. Sacrifices must be made in war." She said.

"Oh so if humans get caught in the crossfire it doesn't matter? You go after one of the bad guys and if humans are in the way then it's just no big deal, right?" Dean asked as he clasped his hands together and leaned forward on the table. All you watched the reaper do was shake her head before it was her turn to speak.

"Not really. In the grand scheme of things, they really don't matter."

You listened carefully and thought about it. Reapers had always been a neutral sort of being. They were simply the harvesters of souls. They were the collectors of what was already dead. They were never chosen to actually kill like Tessa was. Death himself never did anything like this to your knowledge. You had never heard of a situation like this.

"When Castiel chose me, and told me it was because I was string. Others are too weak. They can't even stomach the idea of what I was chosen to do."

At this, you saw Hannah lunge over and Dean stood up and held her back before escorting her out of the room to talk her down a bit.

You couldn't hear what they were saying because you chose to stay in the room. You looked at Tessa who was staring at you.

"And I suppose Castiel recruited you too? Or are you here to interrogate me too and tell me what I'm doing is wrong?" She asked and you lifted a brow.

"From my understanding, I'm just here to serve as more of a... suppressant for something Dean's going through. The younger brother's idea more than the angel's.. from what I gather." You said, not really interested in going into detail.

"I see. It's not unlike the Winchesters to work with demons and angels alike." Tessa said and you hummed nonchalantly.

"You see what I'm saying though... anytime there's been a war between Heaven and hell, Demonic or Angelic Civil Wars, there are always human casualties. Look at all of the human vessels that have been taken from their families only to be killed when a hunter intends to kill a demon or angel rather than exorcising them." Tessa continued.

"Tess, Dear, I really don't care about what you have to say. Everything dies eventually. Demons, angels, monsters, humans, I suppose even reapers now, they all die in the end and all that's left are the ashes. You don't need to have me see your point. Dean and the angels are the ones that need convincing." You said before you heard the door opening up again.

Both you and Tessa turned and saw that Dean was the wone re-entering the room.

You sensed it was close. You thought Sam told Dean to leave it behind. What was he planning on doing to Tessa?

Dean was honestly surprised that you were still in there. But he wasn't really concerned with you right now as he looked back at Tessa.

"Y/N, can you leave us be for a second?" He asked. He watched you narrow your brows with skepticism but he knew you wouldn't've questioned anything right

"I'll be outside." You said before you stopped when you were beside him and said one last thing.

"Don't be stupid with that thing."

Then Dean watched you walk out of the door.

"Why don't we talk about us now that everyone's gone... I mean we have our own chemistry so that ought to make this at least a little easier." He began. But Tessa smiled.

"Sure. I remember when we first met at that hospital. You were dying." She said with a little grin.

"Yeah, good times... Listen. I like you for an angel, reaper, what have you. But you've got to be honest with me... Why are you really doing this?" He asked.

"Castiel." She said yet again.

"Oh please, forget Cass. I'm not asking about that this time. I mean you. You personally. Why are you doing this?" He continued to question while he stood in front of her.

"I mean why would somebody want to call it and make themselves some kind of bomb for a war they aren't even a part of? I know everyone has their low moments, trust me, I've been there. But I've never been low enough to pop my own top."

The reaper saw the slightest hint of sincerity in Dean's eyes. But a human like him could never understand why she agreed to do something like this.

"I.. I can't take the screaming.." She trailed off as she stood up and walked towards one of the corners.

"Screaming? Who's screaming?"

Tessa turned around and looked at Dean, "All of them. All of the souls that are trapped and can't get into Heaven now that it's been locked up. You don't understand how much confusion and pain they are going through. And I hear them constantly."

"I just want to help them, Dean. It's my job to help them cross into the veil. But I can't do that anymore. I can't help them and they're suffering, and there's not a thing I can do about it."

"Then when this offer came up.. it didn't seem so bad.. Death, nothingness. It seemed so quiet..."

Dean listened and she was right, he couldn't understand what she was going through. He couldn't imagine what something like that was like, "So why didn't you just use an angel blade on yourself?"

"I've thought about it... but when Castiel gave me a reason for this, it seemed like the best option."

When Castiel was mentioned again, it didn't make any sense. The Castiel he knew would never do something like this. It wasn't in his character. He wanted, needed to believe that his friend wouldn't go behind his back again. Not after the last time.

"See that's where you're wrong."

"Am I? Is it really that unbelievable that the Castiel you know would raise an army and lie to you about it? And trust me, Dean, I'm not the only one that's feeling this way, who's willing to sacrifice themselves just to hear the silence."

"Do you have any names?"

"If I'd tell you, it would ruin the fun of it all, now wouldn't it?"

Dean's jaw tensed for a moment before he shook his head, "No, that's not how this is going to work." He said as he pulled the First Blade from behind his back where he's stored it. "You see, the fun's just getting started."

Tessa's eyes widened when she saw what he was holding before she looked back up at him, "Dean, what have you done?"

"What I had to..."

"Welcome to the club..."

Dean felt Tessa suddenly grip onto his shoulder and pull him towards her. He could feel the blade begin to pierce her skin before she said one last thing to him.

"Thank you..."

Then she pushed herself further into the blade until her eyes and mouth started to glow with the bright white light. She let out a wail and Dean had to look away from the brightness. Then, Tessa's body dropped in front of him.

He found himself lost in the moment, in that trance as he looked down at the blade that was covered and dripping with the reaper's blood. That calm returned again and your words described it perfectly, it was the best high he could have even if it was the worst kind of poison.

You heard the wail and you turned around and saw a bright light coming through the window of the door. Hannah and some other angels came rushing in.

"Why weren't you watching him?" The angel in the doctor's coat asked while Hannah opened the door.

When all of you walked in, you saw Tessa's body on the ground but when you looked at Dean, you saw the blade in his hand. You could almost feel the relief he had been feeling, and yet you had your own sense of yearning to have that blade back within your grasp again. You couldn't deny it even if you wanted to.

"It's not what it looks like," Dean tried to explain.

Sam and Castiel finally made it back to the headquarters and when they did, Hannah told them everything and lead the two into the interrogation room.

There, Castiel and Sam saw Dean tied up to a chair with duck tape over his mouth as if he were some kind of prisoner. You were in the room watching him.

"You killed Tessa?" Castiel asked Dean, calmly yet clearly upset at this news.

"Not exactly. She knifed herself when she had the chance." Dean replied, although he knew that the chances of them believing him were slim to none especially since he was in the room alone with her.

"Oh yeah, Dean? And why would she do something like that?" Sam asked as he uncuffed his older brother.

"Sam, I don't know. She was talking all kinds of crap."

"Oh really, and that's why you decided to bring out the first blade and use it on her?"

Dean went silent for a moment.

"We had a deal, Dean! If you hadn't brought that stupid thing along, Tessa would still be alive and we wouldn't be in this mess! We could have gotten more answers out of her!"

"Oh and you think I wanted this to happen? I didn't think she would kill herself with the damned thing!"

"I don't know, did you want it to happen? I mean because it's like you can't be separated from that blade anyway!"

"Alright you two, enough." Castiel piped up and looked at you.

"Hannah said you were supposed to be watching him." He said and then they were interrupted.

"Um, Commander?" Hannah asked and all of you looked at the angel, "You have a call. It's from Metatron."

"Great..." Dean muttered and all of you went back to the main part where all the other angels were working.

Sam, Dean and Castiel walked over and saw Metatron on the screen looking as smug as ever.

"Castiel... I'm alive by the way. Your little bomber that you sent failed." Metatron said.

Sam and Dean both looked at Cass, then each other, then at Metatron again as they all listened to the two angels speaking to one another. Apparently the reaper Constantine went after Metatron and tried to kill him in the same way Tessa intended on blowing up the musical theatre.

Metatron was trying to say that he was doing what he had to do when Cass accused him of more deception and lies. He also revealed that more angels are leaning more towards his side rather than Team Trench Coat.

You were listening and crossing your arms just observing anything. You had no idea things were this bad and in a way it seemed oddly political amongst the angels. All they wanted was to go home right? But didn't he cause the fall?

"I'm offering this one time deal. Any of your angels can join me. No matter the treachery, no matter the sin, I will still take them in under the condition that I am their god, and they serve me." Metatron said.

How had you not encountered this guy sooner. Even looking at him made you want to end him. Now you could sort of understand why Dean wants to use the First Blade on him so badly.

Hannah naturally was trying to be a loyalist for Cass and ask why any of them would join Metatron.

"Look around you. You've already had a taste of Earth, the free will God gave the humans. Do you actually like it there? But you still need a leader. You joined Castiel the first chance you got which is surprising."

You were already getting tired of listening to Metatron's voice and you were thinking of the millions of different ways you could cause him the most pain.

After more trash talking and more of this Metatron guy revealing more of Castiel's flaws to the angels, things were getting tricky. You swore you saw something like this on the news with politicians or something of that nature. Metatron was saying so many things that would make the angels question the trench-coat wearing angel's morals. Then he finally hang up.

"He's a liar. We need to focus on the task at hand."

"Was he lying about the grace?" an angel said.

Castiel wasn't denying it, but he continued to say Metatron was lying about everything else. It was clear that the other angels were having trouble believing Castiel.

"We need proof that we can trust you." Hannah spoke calmly, recalling what an angel said of the way Dean held a knife to one of their angel's necks.

"Punish him." Hannah finally said, motioning to Dean, "He murdered Tessa. He broke our rules. He is out of control."

"Oh you all can go straight to Hell." Dean rolled his eyes and tried to walk off but then more of the angels took Dean and held both of his arms so he couldn't move and faced him towards Castiel.

"Hey wait a second-" Sam tried to intervene but then more of the angels did the same thing to the Sam.

You watched as some angels tried to walk towards you, "One hand on me and you won't have the choice of Castiel or Metatron. I'm not the one that killed anyone." You swore as your eyes changed to red.

"You gave us an order, Castiel, and we gave you our trust. Don't lose our trust over just one man. This is justice." Hannah said and handed Castiel the blade.

Castiel took the blade and looked down at it before lifting his gaze and he looked at Dean. Castiel could feel all eyes on him in that moment and he knew this choice was important.

All he wanted was to get his people back home. They were right about Dean, he is out of control, but that was why he told Sam to find you to try and help it from getting worse. He thought of everything that he had been through with the two brothers.

He remembered how he felt lying to them once before. He hated lying to them, even if his intentions were in the right place.

"No... I can't." Castiel finally said and lowered his blade.

Hannah looked hurt as she looked at the man she called Commander, "Goodbye Castiel..."

You watched as all of the angels in those headquarters left, leaving you behind with an angel and two humans.

You saw the sympathetic look on Sam's face when he realized Castiel saw everything, saw the look of rage with Dean when he realized how ridiculous all of this was just because Tessa died. There were so many emotions in the room and you didn't know how an angel or the two mortals would end up recovering. Then there was the matter of Dean bringing the First Blade.

You had the strong feeling that the next car ride you would be on would be both quiet and tense...

Once you made it to the bunker, Sam and Dean cast a spell that would make you immune to the demon wardings around the bunker so you specifically be able to enter.

"We still have to talk about this, Dean." Sam said.

"Here we go..." You muttered under your breath, preparing yourself for sibling drama and you looked at Castiel, "Does this sort of thing happen a lot?"

"The two fighting? More than it's preferred." Castiel said as both of you went to the library so the brothers could talk. But you could still hear them speaking and you could even get a look at them from where you were sitting.

"Dean, you know we have to talk about this..."

"About what? Yeah, Sam. I lied. But you've been nothing but an infant about this thing the whole damn time." Dean said, growing stern.

"Wow, Dean.. I know your apologies typically suck but this is the worst." Sam began just for dean to interrupt.

"You think I'm apologizing? No no, I'm not apologizing. I'm telling you how this is gonna be whether you like it or not."

"I am the only one who can wield this thing, and you know that. I am the one that has to kill Metatron and from this point on, so I'm the one calling the shots. And until I jam that blade in that douchebag's heart, we are not a team. From now on this will be a dictatorship." He said.

From what you could see, that was the last thing that Dean said and you watched Dean coming into the room to talk to Sam.

Dean looked at you and all he could think of for a split second was that conversation. You were warning him to think of the people he would be willing to lose. He knew Sam wasn't going to like the way things were from now on, but this is just how things had to be. And he hoped he wouldn't lose his brother over this in the end.

You maintained the eye contact before you stood up and walked past him so he could be alone with Castiel.

You found Sam setting his stuff down for the time being in the kitchen and you cleared your throat a little. Sam looked up at you and he straightened up.

"Sorry you had to hear that..." Sam said and you shook your head.

"Don't worry about it. I don't have any siblings but I assume it's only natural for them to fight once in a while." You shrugged and you looked up at the taller hunter.

"Can I ask you something?" You began and Sam nodded, "Why did you go on a whim to find me? If Castiel thought I was a rumor, why would you go after me if it's was a wild goose chase?"

Sam sighed and he looked down.

"For Dean..." He trailed off.

"He's all I've got and... and it kills me to to see what he's becoming and he doesn't even realize it. I want my brother back. He wasn't always like this." He continued and you tilted your head.

"What was he like before the mark?" You asked.

"Well, I mean he's always had that anger in him. Both of us had been hunting out entire lives, we've lost so many people and a part of Dean's anger comes from the fact that we've lost so many people." Sam began describing his brother.

"But beyond that, he always tried his best to do the right thing, even if it wasn't the right way. He would at least listen to reason if something was being done the wrong way. He's always had a sense of humor about him. Sarcastic as hell. When we were younger we would even play harmless pranks on each other once in a while to break up the monotony of the dreariness hunting brings. He really does have a big heart, or at least he used to."

"He was someone I was able to look up to, whether he knows it or not. We may not always see eye to eye and we may have wanted different things but... Dean had always been there for me. When I was a kid and our dad finally let me start to hunt, Dean was always there to mend my scratches. He'd always tell me as a kid how important it was to never lose hope, to never give up even when things are at it's darkest. So that's why I can't lose hope on Dean. I know the big brother I used to know is still there somewhere. The mark is just burying it deep down with anger and whatever makes him want to kill everything he comes across."

You listened and you could hear in his voice how much Sam seemed to admire the brother he used to know. These two brothers only grew more and more interesting to you and you wondered if that was why Castiel hung around them. Even chose them over his own people.

"Y/N... I think it would be best if you could hold onto the blade for a while... After all, you know about its effects and maybe once Dean has a better hold of everything, maybe you could give it back to him then so he can kill Metatron. Maybe sneak it away from Dean somehow and hide it somewhere. We still don't have leads on Metatron but we can't afford him using it on a whim like he did today."

One of your brows arched upward. You hadn't expected for Sam to outright tell you to take the blade back. You've thought about taking it anyway, but even that could be a dangerous thing.

While you guys were talking, there was some sort of alarm going off in your mind, you sensed a different presence and didn't think you four were the only one here and you thought you heard some kind of door open.

You and Sam rushed back to meet the others but there stood an angel you didn't recognize. Not that you knew very many to begin with.

Dean saw Gadreel and he was already on the verge of seeing nothing but red. He was the man that killed Kevin. He possessed Sam for the longest time. Now was the worst time for him to come waltzing into the bunker.

"I mean no harm." Gadreel began.

"I've thought about what you said, and you're right." He continued but it was clear that everyone in the bunker was on their guard.

"Metatron is.. Something must be done. I can give him to you, I know where he is." He said

"The bombers? Those were his agents, not yours." He said as he looked at Castiel. "I understand if you don't trust me, and I understand. But we have all made mistakes. I know I have made many. But please, give me a chance."

Dean was still so unsure about this and he honestly wasn't sure if they should take this chance. If Gadreel thought about double crossing them then...

Well, Dean walked over and offered Gadreel his hand to shake. But instead of this handshake being one that stood for an alliance, Dean pulled the First Blade from behind his back again and slashed Gadreel in the chest.

Your eyes widened when you saw Sam and Dean holding Dean back and you could tell that Dean was so far from done when it came to this specific angel.

Castiel resorted to placing two fingers on Dean's temple and making him fall asleep for a moment while they tend to Gadreel.

You were finding out quickly that these boys couldn't stay out of trouble for long....

You looked at Sam for a moment and you could now see why he was concerned.

"I don't think taking the blade from Dean will be easy. Or even if it's a good idea at this point..." You said.

Thank you so much for reading!!! Part 6 is already in production and I'm hoping to get it out as soon as possible within the next few days! From the bottom of my heart I thank you guys so much for reblogging and liking the posts for this story.❤️

I want to give a special thanks to @roseblue373 and @deans-spinster-witch for the feedback in practically every chapter so far, it really means a lot and it truly puts a smile on my face when I see your usernames in my notifications. So thank you so incredibly much! 💕💖

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