#sugars opinons

[paranormeow7]

“analog horror ruined internet horror” “the mandela catalogue is overrated and dumb” “kinemaster vhs effects jerma sus face ass” “the walten files is a shitty fnaf knockoff” “internet horror used to be way better” “analog horror is for middle schoolers” SHUT UP!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!! CLEANSE YOUR BRAIN OF MASCOT HORROR HATE SLUDGE!! WATCH THE MONUMENT MYTHOS!!! WATCH MIDWEST ANGELICA!! WATCH VITA CARNIS!!! STOP GENERALISING A UNIQUE GENRE FULL OF HIDDEN GEMS INTO ITS WORST EXAMPLES!!!

(also to all the people in the tags who think this post is harping on the walten files. I am a huge fan of it!! I think it’s a really unique, well written gorgeous project. people just write it off bc it looks like mascot horror/a fnaf series. go watch it)

[rodolfoparras]

opinons on a soft cock? (in a kink way)

SUGAR BEE ARE YOU NEW TO MY BLOG? X Y Z

[teddie-bear420]

tier list

OPINONS UNDER THE CUT

warning this is super long and ranty but does have some silly doodles ill post else where :)

-teddie bear 420

I have had several dreams about vaggie and lute and alastor, they plage my every waking moment. one was me going to smooch city with alastor (very scary that man does not wash his teeth). the others vaggie just shows up sometimes

really liked vaggie in her angel flash back, her hair cut was so cute, not a fan she still has pink eye but what eves. I LOVE HER PONY TAIL THO, give my girl better hair styles!!!

do you think theyve explored each others bodies?

I hated lute at first cuz, just look at her. you could get snow blindness with how white that woman is oh my lord. but once the 8th episode rolled around with hot women fighting my brain kinda clicked on for our old second in command. i keep going back to her in my brain and slowly morphing her into a heart broken lesbian who has a superiority complex and bullies her crush and then moves on to having a sugar mama situation ship with Lilith.

alastor is just so fun and silly, and there's this one x reader fic that ive made fan art of, you've all seen it. i just love this guy but i like to imagine he's a woman just for me :)

i understand why he is a fan favorite

i love charlies look but i hate how childish she is, like girl you are like 24 kill your friends pimp. nifty molly emily are all so cute and i enjoy looking at them. cant wait for the nifty episode (delusional)

i do love nifty more than the rest of these ones tho. i see lots of folks talking about how nifty is alastors daughter or angel dusts little baby daughter SHUT UP

SHES 25 YEARS OLD AND MURDERED HER HUSBAND IN HER SLEEP. NIFTY CALLED ALASTOR OVER TO HAVE THEIR LUNCH DATE AND HIDE THE BODY!!!

OK maybe nifty lives in my dreams too

do you think theyve explored each others bodies?

mimzy makes me mad cuz the show hated having her there clearly, like why is she the only fat person in hell. dont worry girl, I'll appreciate you once again i have to make alastor a dyke for my own sanity

do you think they-

lilith and rosie are good to look at, i like how rosie talks and her showtunes, god i love her show tunes. pentious is the only yellow dude in hell. velvete looks like ass most of the time but I LOVE A BAD BITCH

like i said, no strong feelings

ok most of these dudes are too ugly or too annoying and i hate when they are on screen, lucifers pants are his skin, angel dust has the worst fashoin sense ever UGHS I HATE HIM WHERE ARE HIS TITS WAAAAAA

also i love that her name is sarah, thats such a basic name, like i can type alastor x reader and theres a bunch of results but if i typed sarah x reader, shes no where :(

also shes got that mlp horse face going on i love it

i despise carmilla carmine, i hate her dumb horns, i hate her unnamed daughters, i hate her skirt, i hate her song, i hate her blazed ass eyes, i hate her long hair

vox just looks bad i cant lie

OK ADUM MAKES ME SO MAD HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN JACK BLACK WE SHOULD HAVE SEEN HIM BEING A FAT BASTARD CUZ I WAS CONVINCED HE WAS ANOTHER SKINNY TWINK also i am an anti shipper when it comes to adum x lute cuz that shit is weaaaak. he is so mean to her and not in a hot way, adum is some incel and lute is a goddess

yeah, #adumisoverparty 2024 the most divorced man in heaven

i can not wait for season two dude, im so pumped

[lonely-mirrors-lament]

Do you happen to like sweets? :] I personally love sugar a lot, im curious about your opinon on sweet things though

“I, personally, love sweets. They’re just.. Delicious. That’s all. I do love bitter things, too.”

[whatiwillsay]

I hope she doesn't make a jukebox musical, she came up in country and knows how to make story based songs, I want a original musical from her. Plus it would boost her tony chances. I listened to the Max Martin musical mentioned on the blog and it's ass in my opinon. Not everyone can be a Mamma Mia. Jukebox is basic, I hope blondie is pretentious and makes one from scratch. I don't need All To Well (taylor's version) (from the vault) broadway edition🤮

weird energy in this… i adore max martin! to each their own. 2000s sugar pop changed music permanently tho.

[mindmushyyyy]

cotravershal opinon

SUGARE SHOULD BE SPELD WITH AN H. ITS SHUGARE CHANGE MY MUTER HUCKING MIND.

[petitprincess1]

Nightfur has recently said that no other show runner has done the things that Alan does. Do you believe that?

Ha, no. That's such a stupid and obvious lie. Heck, look at Alex Hirsch.

The man made comics (sold on stores, journals that go along with the show, often talked to fans, made even a fake leak, and made a scavenger hunt at the end of Gravity Falls.

Then you got people like Rebecca Sugar who even made character design books for SU and even shared storyboards or rough animations.

You got Craig McCracken who gives out so much different info on Kid Cosmic and even tries to keep things up-to-date (also showing roughs, character concepts, etc).

Hell, let's go to people like Lin-Manuel Miranda, who created Ham4Ham, which was not only like a lottery to get front row tickets to Hamilton, but they also did little mini performances. He also even went Genius to explain the details behind the lyrics for the songs and the characters. He even made a book of the transcript for the show that go even into further detail about the characters.

I could go on and even bring vivzie into this because she does so much to the point where I'm scared she's gonna burnout. But, I think I've made my point. That teaser she mentioned was sometime last year (I wanna say October or September), so it's nothing all that recent. Plus, again, since he's trying to drop this all at once, who knows what ep that was or how further along they are in for the other eps. Hell, Alan barely talks anymore neither has anyone else. Diego is the only one, but he could've been talking about a script for anything.

Honestly, if you dont care for the instas or the comics (which don't even update that often) or even the music and just want to know what's going on, then what do you have? That's not a fake fan at all, btw. That's just someone who wants an actual answer. Not a whole paragraph of bs spouted by someone who blindly praises the show.

[undermattsun-archive]

mik give me a kiss rn >:(

hont i am giving u the fattest wettest kiss thru the screen rn

[elleleh]

When people meet me, they don’t expect me

Had a conversation with my female coworker this morning about how while I’m at work, as long as it doesn’t interfere with the job, I honestly don’t care if someone doesn’t like me. She proceeds to tell me that, “You’re a bit rougher around the edges than I expected when I first met you. I mean, you surprised even me! People don’t expect you to be so ...”blunt”.”

(Translation: You look like you’d be a pushover and a doormat upon first meeting.)

It’s nice to know that I shock people.

I’m a skinny, tall young lady with blonde hair and white skin. I’ve been a stereotype walking around all my life (looks too kind to hurt a fly, dumb blonde girl trope, skinny therefor can’t take care of self and/or is weak, is a woman so inherently is a nag/bitch) and I’ve learned that people are shocked that I ...you know... think, have opinions, and can lift heavy objects. Even more surprised when I can handle myself and situations without crying or whining. I behave like the strong woman I was raised to be instead of the weakling they expect, which I suppose translates to “rough around the edges”. When a man does the same things, it’s normal and expected, but when I do it, I throw people off.

That’s fine though. I’m not here to start a war over feminism. I’m not here to complain. I’m not here to say that people who judge me do it in a cruel manner.

Just here to say that I enjoy that reaction. I love it when people expect a sweet young lady and instead get a grounded young woman who will stand hers against others.

[paranormeow7]

gonna rant for a second bc I’m gonna have to go back to school soon and I’ve been thinking about this. I am literally so sick of South Park being a funny trendy thing that TikTok kids like bc it’s literally making them think it’s okay to be antisemetic. “that’s too harsh!! where’s the proof?” well, one of the reasons I don’t want to go back to school is because I don’t want to hear the South Park fan kids make jokes about loving Hitler and being lizard people, and then proceeding to excuse it by saying they have a Jewish great uncle or something. As a practicing Jew, especially going to a school that prides itself on acceptance and diversity, it hurts to see that that doesn’t seem to carry over to Jewish people in a lot of progressive spaces, especially because of something as stupid and unimportant as a shitty adult cartoon. You will never be progressive and accepting if care more about a cartoon and it’s unfunny jokes than the comfort and safety of your Jewish peers. Also, if any of the kids who like South Park and like to make these jokes see this, fuck you. I’m done with your bullshit. You’re not funny. Disrespecting my culture and my religion will never be funny. Find another adult cartoon to make trans headcanons of. (I recommend moral orel, it’s actually smart, poignant and much funnier than South Park)

Probably gonna get deranged hate for this. Whatever man, bring it on. Probs gonna delete this anyways.

Goyim can interact, but don’t add on or comment. South Park fans fucking leave. I’m frustrated and hurt and don’t want to debate.

[algumaideia]

Some thoughts about Shadow and Bone

I didn’t finish the book yet and I’m around page 106 (which problaby doesn’t mean anything to you because I’m reading a pirate version that is in Portuguese).

Anyway, here comes some random thoughts that I had about the book until now. 

Warning: Spoilers and it is a mess.

Those are my opinions. 

I dislike basically everyone.

There is too much telling and not showing.

Only two tolerable characters.

Sergei, why did you say Suli was a dead language?

Marie and Sergei romance is bullshit. It is not a good enemies to lovers, it is just a random thing.

I hope Nadia will improve, because in the moment I don’t like her.

Why this book is so weird with beuty? It is all Genya is so beutiful and perfect. Zoya is almost as perfect as Genya. It is weird that Genya, who is so beautiful, likes Davids that is at the best avarege. Look at me now I look heathy beautiful for the first time. Of course the Duke didn’t remembe me, I was so avareage when I was a kid. I wish Fulano was here so he could see how beautiful I am now. 

You know Alina, not everything in this world is about your appearence. Maybe, just maybe, the duke doesn’t remember you because he barely spent time with the kids. But just maybe.

Zoya, I don’t blame you. But one thing is saying someone smells and other is to THROW THAT PERSON AGAINST A WALL BECAUSE YOU LOST A FIGHT!! But I know this was Leigh writing you in a weird way.

Alina needs to start reacting to things. The Apparat just told you people are building altars to you and you don’t give a second thought about it? 

You know what you make the book interisting? If Alina acted just like Klaus. If Alina were like: people are building altars to me? I guess I’m gonna start a cult. 

This book would also be better if there were children. Just children being children. Children saying non sense stuff. Children asking weird questions. Children making people uncorfortable. Children treating Darkling, Baghra and Alina like they are some annoying random adult. Darkling playing with children. Zoya playing with children(I don’t think this would me something she would do by her will, but it would me amazing anyway). DAVID playing with children.

Where is David? I want him to show more?

How old is Ivan?

You know, if Alina hadn’t said she didn’t think about Mal for weeks I wouldn’t have realized it. I mean, every chapter is the same. She tells about her routine, and then in the end of the day/chapter she thinks about Mal. And it didn’t change. 

Why Baghra seems to be the only person in the little palace that is worried about Alina progress?

Why the Darkling is the only person that seems to care about the war?

This doesn’t make sense. A chapter ago, the Darkling said it was no problem if Alina had no progress and they would take the deer. Alina agrees, Baghra says an aplifier is bullshit. A chapter later, the Darkling says Alina development is not enough, Baghra sugests Alina needs an anplifier, the Darkling says she will have the deer and then Alina is sad?? A chapter ago she was agreeing with him?! I don’t get it.

Alina conversations with the Darkling are so weird. I mean, she is always thinking the guy will mock, attack, dimiss, torture her, that he is disappointed, sad, or something like that. And the Darkling is there, being akward. 

Nice thing with the sugar. It was a nice detail.

I still have no strong opinons/feelings about the Darkling.

That kiss was so random. 

Why people are so mean to Genya?

I want to see David!! Where is his sense of humour?

I really dislike Baghra. Why they let her teach people?

It is weird because besides the Darkling, no other Grisha acts like they are hunted, killed, hated by basically the entire world?

I guess it is that.

Best regards,

Me.

Ps. The two books I’m reading now suck, Shadow and Bone and The Sorrows of Young Werther.

[kindestegg]

opinons on coffy. this is important!!!!!!!!

DRINK COFFEE VERY GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

being a bit more descriptive, i like coffee, but im a bit of weenie n generally cant handle rly black coffee with no sugar or milk in it. i prefer mostly blends specially with coffee n choco mix. but if theres no choco i can handle it too, sometimes i rly like to have those warm black coffees made with hot water they offer for free at stores and mix it up with a lot of sugar, it creates a nice taste

i dont typically have coffee a lot during day, usually only once or twice. not because im watching how much i take or anything, but simply because it has to do with habit n how often i go to the kitchen make myself some.

uhm what else. dad recently wanted to get a new pot or jar to put coffee in so he bought this brand that came in a little jar but its more like, bigger grains almost like gravel shaped, instead of just powder, and its REALLY nice, i think id say i prefer those types over the usual powder mix. its also nice bc i typically dont like using the same spoon i put coffee and choco mix in my milk, simply because i dont wanna risk mixing the two together through the spoon picking up powder, but since this is more like gravel in consistency rather than powder, i dont have that problem and can just use the same spoon.

anyway thats all my hot coffee takes :) thank you for coming

[roselevesque]

Ranking the Gaang based on how likely I think they are to curse

Zuko - 2/10

No way was swearing allowed from him as kid, I imagine it was heavily discouraged. Also, considering his relationahip with his crew from Book 1, I don't think they spent enough time for him to pick up anything from them eithee. So, he lets his anger out through angry hufs and rants, but never curses.

In conclusion, by the time he and Iroh go on the run and he finally starts hearing more cursing around, he's so unused to it, any attempt of his falls flat and he eventually gives up on the concept.

Toph - 1/10

She's in a similar position to Zuko, in that she was taught not to curse and badmouth, but unlike him she was 100% exposed to it much earlier. She took part in fighting tournaments with grown men, no way some didn't let one word or another spill.

The reason I give her a lower score is that, after not being allowed to curse for so long, she made up for it by coming up with original insults for anyone and anything deserving of swearing. And the idea stuck even after she left home.

Sokka - 4/10

He, without a doubt, tried to swear often once Hakoda and all the other men went off to war. It's an "adult" thing and a great deal of Sokka's character has to do with him taking on a leadership role and growing into it organically instead of "playing pretend", so to say, like in the first few episodes.

Buuuut...Gran-Gran shut him off quick with a look and he stopped this habit fast. He'll probably pick it up again once he gets older, however, much like Toph, he oriented himself towards sarcasm and original insults instead.

Suki - 0/10

Look, she can give you a good smack-talk, she can use sarcasm, she can use her fighting skills to prove a point and her serious expression spells out "You are in for trouble" .... but this girl can not curse. Do you remember how she tried to insult Ozai after his loss? Yeah, not great.

When she's mad, she tends to get her message across much more through body language and actions than words in my opinon and if she tries to go with the swearing route it simply ends up being awkward. Luckily, she has literally everything else I listed above to make up for it.

Katara - 5/10

When Gran-Gran introduced the "No swearing" policy, Katara was quick to respect it, but that doesn't mean she didn't pick up any swear words from the adults around. As such, in moments of solitude, with her stress and frustration on the boiling point, I can see a few curses being muttered under her breath.

Althogh she still avoids doing it around company out of respect for those around her, if she's in a particular bad mood and surrounded by people she's comfortable with, she lets her language loosen up. Toph would absolutely tease her about that: "Can't believe Sugar Queen would talk so dirty!"

Aang - 10/10

To quote the Avatar himself: "Monkey Feathers!"; "Double Monkey Feathers!" ; "Monkey Feathers on top of Monkey Feathers!" a.k.a "M*ther F*cker!"

Enough said.

Bonus round: Appa - 100/10

Look me in the eye and tell me I'm wrong

[guardian-of-fandoms]

my slow descent to madness

1 day into the Transformers Fandom: “This guy looks kinda cool, don’t really know his name, tho.”

1 week: “Okay, so Then.... aurg, what was his name? .... RATCHET!!! So then Ratchet says to.... Arcee,”

2 Weeks: “The writers scrapped the line because they wanted to potray Optimus as calm headed and a wise leader, and punching Ratchet in the Optics isn’t really the way to do it. but it kinda backfired, because i’ve seen a lot of people complain about his character lacking emotions, but i feel like they did a decent job of fleshing him out.”

1 Month: (Writing fanfic with a friend) “Okay, so here’s what i’m thinking: We throw Bumblebee off a cliff.” (Horrified stare ensures) “Don’t worry! Optimus jumps off after him! Trust me, it’s a good thing this takes place in G1.”

2 Months: “I know i’m not really qualified yet to give a opinon on this, but i really feel like Nemesis is up to interpretation because he can be great for symbolism. i haven’t seen the Bay Films, but i feel like the idea it’s self to have optimus himself become nemisis had potential, but was ruined by execution.”

3 Months: “Okay, so the writers originally wanted Rodimus Prime, but Hasbro was against him being potrayed as a TOTAL D-BAG, so we got Sentinel. I HATE HIM.”

Now: Dad: “Are you good?” Me: “I HAVE NOT SLEPT IN 48 HOURS MY BRAIN IS A NEVERENDING STREAM OF G1, PRIME, RESCUE BOTS, TFA, AND MORE!!!!! MIXING TEA WITH A SHITLOAD OF SUGAR, HONEY, AND FRUIT PUNCH MIX MAY AS WELL CREATE DARK ENERGON ‘CAUSE I FEEL LIKE I COULD FIGHT MEGATRON AND WIN!!!!!!!” Dad: “....... Go to bed.” Me: NEVER!!!!!!”

[missputotyra]

Digimon idea - Digidestined and thier partners ( Please give me ideas)

@cosmic-orchaid

So In Addition to having thier Intial one’s The digidestined get two other ones ( So the MC Gets 4 cause she had two initially ) Signature mechanic of this idea Combo Evolution needed 3 digimon to actually work . Despite me putting down Names of Character , It established every partner Digimon is based on a Non digimon property So it basically just the characters the Digimon are based off of

MC - Philip and Shotaro( Kamen Rider Double )

- I orignally Was going to all her digimon be in pairs but that would’ve meant MC would have 6 digimon

- So I said Well The other opinon is Birds , the sky or things that fly/ glide

- She likes Tokutatsu ,BL and alot of Anime

so Now Her Choices for the two additional partners are

Kaito( Zenkaigier) but As sugar glider or Flying squirrel. If we go the bird route I think It’s obvious what bird Katio would be based on.

Stacy ( Zenkaiger) Hes more than than likely a Bat if I don’t decide to go Bird Route

Zox - Dancing Pirate Parrot its the only option for him

Eiji( Kamen Rider OOO ) - He’d be Part bird and Dinosaurs are ancestors of birds so

Ankh - …. hes Iiterally a bird chimera

Gentaro - So like Imagine , Space Cat That the Rookie design Fourze but its a cat

Nobunaga( FGO) - MC says She’s her favorite servant and wishes she could‘ve hat the chance to get her

and think eles you see Fit( Just don’t Suggest Saber or Revice character )

Lan Jingyi and Lan Suzhui— if we going with the pair idea

——-—

Wangxian stan - Jiang Cheng

- An Obivous choice for Theme is MXTX But I‘m not ready to touch SSVSS or Heaven‘s official blessing .

- So other Suggestions could be

Just give Jin Guangyao for the lolz cause thats another character that the Anti JC tend to gripe on And about

Give her Sento and Banjou so like a literally Smartass Who literally disagrees her on everything, Banjo being Banjou and Jiang Cheng

Im giving Wei Wuxian and Wangji to other People so no to that

Jin Ling is an obvious pick too .

- Maybe her theme would be Flower ,Fairy or Chinese Aesthetics

- Maybe other BLs Like Yuri On ice , Dramatical Murder

- Otome games liked Shall we Date or Twisted Wonderland

Suggestions needed for her

—————————-

Older Lady- Mami , Bruno , Possibly A cure from Pretty cure ala mode ( Probably Custard or Gelato )

- So her Suggestion was Magical girl ala Precure but I went With Mami as her first digimon instead reflecting her issues with her Marriage just like Mami desperatly wanted Friends to be magical girls with . Also I like the Idea of the rookie Being based Mamis witch and The Whole line is the reverse of what happens in. Madoka a Witch becoming a Magical Girl

- So Bruno is an odd choice until I tell you Jojo is one of her Husband’s favorite mangas and wanting to bond to with him and her stepchild more Watched the show .

- I plann for them to have Kid so the third could be something the kid likes so like a girl about the age of most canon digidestined( 10- 14) interested in Precure .

______

Edgy tryhard- Cloud , Lan Zhan

- Again It was Changed to Squall to Cloud cause It Fit better with Lan Zhan . Cloud whole story was about his Identity slowly being ripped apart and questioned , Lan Zhan was about his Sexual idenity and to express his love to Wei Wuxian

- Again Sento is an option so is Ryuga

- So I guess another Character whose Confident in thier Identity or just has Idenity Issues would work.

-Sanji due looking Egdy and also having Family issues that made him less confident in his Idenity

______________

Recluse - Sonic , Aphmau , Axol

- They’re theme was Childhood mascots

Aphmau is minecraft youtuber many People know and have watched

Sonic is self explanatory

Axol is from SMG4 who has also been making videos for longer than people think and You know Axol recently was youn know

I would be Willing to Replace Aphmau if you have better idea

————————-—

Trust issues - Kal’sit , Wei Wuxian

Kal’sit Is known in the Arknights community for not Trusting the Doctor after an Incident ( Doctor Assassinated someone)

Wei Wuxian is rather trusting of Everyone so he would contrastand clash with Kal’sit and Trust issues

Since Trust Issues Theme is Phone Games I was thinking FGO like Tristian/Baobahn Sith -Since Tristian is Depressed and Baobahn sith was only praises when harming people .

—————————

Starving artist Reimu ,Marisa

-Reimu in Fanon down bad for money since she hasnt been seen get donates for her shrine

- Her theme is Bullet Hell but mostly touhou

- here thrid could possibly be Sakuya ,Youmu or Sanae the Often Third Playable characters in the game.

- Alternately I can make it A Len’en character a Series made by someone who used remake old Touhou levels

- I could make her theme Videos games in general since shes a co worker with MC and have Ex aid digimon

—-—

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

A Family of Five- Part 2: Like Sugar, With Salt

Calum and Harlowe’s marriage hasn’t always been easy, but it has always been filled with love. This is a collaborative experience with In Sorrow and In Joy. Dad!Calum. Black OC.

CW: Over the course of this series, there are mentions of pregnancy, therapy, and postpartum depression. There is also 18+ Content (Smut)

Enjoy my masterlist | Series Masterlist

Support me on kofi

No one has my permission to repost my work of fiction. This includes translations as well. 

__________________________

Harlowe is still laying in bed. The alarm went off hours ago. She managed to get up, change her clothes. Calum made her eat with him and the kids. But the second she could escape, shower, and change again, she crawled right back into bed. The TV plays. Normally she would be watching it, but it’s more like the TV is watching her. The afternoon has settled in nicely, a bright clear day. She knows she ought to get up. There’s laundry to do. There’s lunch to fix. The very least is laundry. The absolute minimum. Calum can’t do it all himself. Laundry, she can do laundry. Throwing her feet to the floor, she pushes up. Just do laundry. Just do laundry. 

She walks into Te Koha’s room first. His toy trains lining the molding of his floor. He likes to think this is cleaning, since it’s not in the middle of the floor. He’s stubborn that way. Her and Calum have both collectively just let this happen. It doesn’t interfere too much and she’s glad at the very least that it’s not cluttered in the middle. There’s a path--and it works. Pulling his tiny hamper, she drags it behind her in, leaving it near the door before checking Esha’s room. Even though she’s still barely a toddler, she has her own hamper. Harlowe thought it would be frivolous but Esha wants everything Te Koha has, his tiny shadow. 

Grasping both hampers, she carries them down stairs. There’s no one inside. There’s not a giggle or chuckle or the twinkle of Pepper’s tag. It’s unusual for sure. But it’s not crazy. Just noteworthy, the silence settles thickly. Just the barely audible hum of fridge. She walks over to the kitchen window and sees Calum bouncing Esha as Te Koha runs around with his airplanes, Pepper runs behind him. Koha spies her from the window and smiles. His chubby cheeks lift as he waves. “Momma!” he shouts.  

She leans over the counter, pushing open the open the window. “Hi baby!”

“Will you come outside today?”

The question hurts. Things have gotten so bad again. Harlowe knows that. She just never thought her children would notice. Just go out for him. Go out for him, Harlowe chants to herself. She nods.. “I gotta put some clothes in the washer, but yeah, I’ll come out.”

The smile on his face radiates. He cheers. “Need help? I can help?”

“No, baby. Mommy’s got it. Keep an eye on Papa Bear for me. Make sure he doesn’t step on my rose bushes,” she adds. 

“I can hear you, you know,” Calum gripes. Koha laughs, but resumes his running with the toy plane. Calum steps closer to the open window. “If you don’t feel like coming out, don’t push yourself. Take it one step at a time.”

She exhales. It’s good for her. Just for a little bit. “I should go out.”

Esha whines in Calum’s arm, reaching for something below. He sets her down. “Okay, baby girl, I know. Down, I know.” She trots toward Koha. Calum turns back to Harlowe. “Let me know if you need anything, okay? Please?”

“I will.” He eyes her, head tilting forward. “I promise.” He knows she’ll suffer in silence. They both will. To a fault. Even if it’s bad, but that’s just who they are. A cry starts up; Esha. Doesn’t sound particularly bad, it’s more like a startled cry. 

Calum jogs over. “What happened, baby girl? You’re okay.”

“She just tripped,” Koha says. 

She leaves the window open. The small chirps and sounds of life help, make her feel less isolated. She sorts their clothes by colors and tosses them into the machine. The kids have a special detergent and she grabs it, always a little shocked by how heavy it is. The washing machine begins to rumble. She rests her hands onto it, feeling the vibrations shake up her hands and arms. She is still alive. Right? 

The back door is unlocked from when Calum took the kids and dogs out. She wonders if Calum knew that she needed a moment’s silence. Or maybe he was worried. If the kids watched her fall apart for too long, would they become hyper concerned? Would they want to do nothing because she was doing nothing? What was she teaching her kids? Her forehead falls into the glass of the door. She can’t teach them that. She can just water the flowers, right? 

There’s still lunch to fix. The kids will be getting hungry soon. She can get to that right? Calum’s here. They’ll get that that. She twists the doorknob, stepping onto the warm wood of the deck.  Koha rushes up the porch steps, wrapping his arms around her legs. Brushing her palm over his back, she sucks back tears. Koha’s only ever wanted good for her. He deserves his old mother back. Not her now, covered under a thick blanket of tired, of doubt, of shame. “We didn’t water the flowers yet, Momma. Do you want to do that? Can I help?”

He starts to pull back from her. Harlowe’s quick to wipe her tears from her face. “Yeah, let’s go water the flowers.” The walk to the garage door. It cranks after she types in the code before they walk inside, Te Koha takes hold of her hand. Harlowe gives it a squeeze, smiling, however briefly down at her son. A spitting image of her. With Calum’s soul. 

Things were better when he was first born. Harlowe had gotten pregnant with Te Koha well before she and Calum had ever considered getting married. But it didn’t matter. Besides, Harlowe will never forget the day Calum did propose, down on one knee in the middle of her empty apartment. He was sweaty for sure, having helped move her out so she could stay with him. She was swollen, stomach, ankles, feet. Everyone that looked at her was afraid she’d pop at any second. But it was Calum who popped instead, on his knee, to take her hand. 

He was going to do right by her. After nearly fucking things up. He couldn’t loose Harlowe a second time. Her pregnancy with Te Koha was fine. There were aches and pain for sure. But she felt fine. She was fine. Te Koha was a fairly easy baby. And now there is just a fog. Esha wasn’t a worrisome baby. She was stubborn and a opinonated, even at two. But she wasn’t difficult. It was just Harlowe’s brain. Her brain was making things hard. 

“Momma?” Te Koha asks, taking his water can from her hands. He can see the frown pulling down his mother’s face. 

“Yes, baby?”

“I’m sorry you’re sad,” he whispers. “I promise to be good.”

She gasps, a short explosion of air before her chest squeezes. She kneels in front of her little boy. His brown eyes are teary up like mine. Cupping his face between her palm, she brings his attention to her. “What’s happening to me is not your fault. It’s not Papa Bear’s fault; it’s not even Esha’s fault.”

“Then what happened?” He sniffs, wiping underneath his nose. “You were so different before.”

“Momma’s had some serious health issues. It’s…. been hard on me. But it’s not your fault. Please, please, please don’t think it. I wish I wasn’t like this. Mommy wishes she could be her old self. I am so sorry.”

“Is there is anything I can do to help?”

“Just keep being you baby boy. Just keep being you.”  She wipes the tears that have fallen from his skin. “Do you still want to help me water the flowers?”

He nods. “Yes. I always do.”

“Okay,” she whispers. “Let me grab my can.” They walk to the hose, Harlowe filling Koha’s up first. Then filling hers. He trails behind, waiting for the every other plant that Harlowl leaves to him.  He sticks his tongue out a little, watching as the water slips over and splashes onto the ground. Harlowe pauses occasionally to pluck the dead leaves and weeds around certain plants. Te Koha follows suit, under the careful eye of his mother. This is the mom he remembers. A soft smile on her lips when he pulls hard at a weed and successfully uproots it. A small cheer of pride echoes from his chest. 

“Need any help?” a voice says behind me.

Harlowe looks over her shoulder. Koha shoots up from his seated position. “Uncle Mikey!” 

Michael laughs, collecting Koha into his arms before picking him up. “Oh, you’re getting big. No wonder Cal’s got arms like fu--freaking Superman. Lifting kids all day is a great work out.”

“Michael, what are you doing here?” Harlowe’s not sure of her own voice. It’s strange for sure. But there’s a glimmer of something light, something like happiness. It is happiness. He’s still the same. With the basketball hat, the fringed hair, the leather bracelets, and the rings. 

He opens his free side to her and Harlowe folds into his embrace. “Cal called me over. Said you were having a decent day. Wanted to check in.”

Harlowe and Michael have, over the years, gotten close. They bonded originally over video games. Harlowe has her degree in psychology and through her willingness to always listen to him they grew closer. Michael isn’t necessarily reserved but he’s not always forthcoming about things. He’s vocal when it’s necessary. Harlowe never judged--she pushed occasionally for him to open up. But she never sneered at him, never berated him over his feelings. She just listened. 

Michael returned the favor. He’s always become a great pillar of support since this funk after Esha’s birth. She had shockingly cried to Michael a couple times about her inability to conceive a third child. She wanted to give Calum that picture perfect family. Her body and mind weren’t ready for that--they were telling her to slow down. She always had trouble listening. 

“It’s been okay,” she says softly, pulling back from his hug. 

“Okay is good. Okay is great.”

“Are you going to help us?” Koha asks. 

Michael laughs. “Sure, why the--why not?” Michael’s still working at censoring him around the kids. Almost five years should’ve been enough practiced but Michael was only the uncle currently with no kids. He didn’t have the filter on all the time.

The three of them settle back down in the front garden. Harlowe pulls out the gardening seat for Michael to sit. He complained about potentially ruining his jeans. “Look!” Koha puts out a bug, nestled into the mulch. Harlowe pulls back his hands a little. Even though he’s wearing gloves, she fears that it could be a snake or spider. It’s not though upon closer inspection. 

By the time they move to the side of the house where the kitchen window is, Calum gazing out of it. “Lunch’s up soon, bud. Come inside and wash your hands,” he says softly to Koha. 

Koha and Harlowe look up at each other. The window is opened just enough. “Can I Momma?”

She grins and looks over to Calum. Hhe sighs, hopping onto the counter and holding out his hands. “Fine, you two are definitely fucking Aries.”

“Swear jar, Papa Bear,” she laughs, sliding off the gloves and hoisting Koha up. He grabs Calum’s forearms and he slides in through the window. Calum sets him down. “Wash your hands now. I don’t want to find actual ants on your ants on a log.”

She just barely catches Koha’s laugh as he walks away from the window. “He loves going in through the window. Why not let him live a little?”

“Because then he’ll think it’s normal to climb in through the windows,” Calum laughs. 

“You saying it’s not?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying, missy.” They share a laugh. Including Michael. He’s used to their shenanigans. “You coming in for lunch?” Cal asks. 

“Once I finish up out here. Shit, the laundry.”

Calum shakes his head. “One load is already done. Second load is in the dryer.”

“I’m so sorry I forgot.”

“Baby, it’s okay.”

She sighs. “I’m just so off. I hate this.”

“Just consider the meds, think about it, okay? I’m not asking you to makeup your minds just yet. But don’t count it out.”

Michael rests a hand on her back, not quite on her shoulder but not quite off it either. “They honestly could help, Harlowe. Don’t eliminate the possibility. I know you don’t want to take meds. I know you can do this without. But you don’t have to.”

“The ACT is helping, I think. I just don’t want to add more to our medical expenses. I’m already running it up as it,” Harlowe counters. 

Calum wishes he could shake his wife sometimes. Snap her out of whatever haze she was in. Or just get her to see that he cares not what dime amount it costs. “You know money is not a problem here.” Harlowe opens her mouth. Calum continues before she can interject it. “Finish up in your beds and then come in and eat. Relax the rest of the day. Think you can finish the beds?”

She nods. It’s been weeks since she’s been out here. Calum tries to do it for her. Harlowe’s picky, picking it up from her mother and her grandmother the particular meticulousness when it comes to her yard. He does what he knows she likes and knows how to keep the basics up  but doesn’t push it too much further. 

He slides off the counter. “Ready to eat little man?” Koha nods. 

Harlowe goes back to her yard. Michael calls into the window for something before handing a bottle of water to Harlowe. “Maybe you should get out of LA,” he says holding the bag for weeds open.

“You sound like Calum now. You guys have been working here for years now.”

“It doesn’t mean that we can’t move, you know? We’ve been discussing going back to Sydney, anyway. Going back to our roots, settling down. Cal and Luke already have kids. LA’s no place to raise kids.”

She rips the weed from the dirty. Some mulch flies up through the hair. It lands and Harlowe stares down at it. “ I don’t want to be lectured at about moving.Then I have to look for a new university to work out. I’ve got three years where I’m at.”

“You’re not tenured. You said they’re already discussing making changes to the Creative Writing department.”

“I love the kids I work with. They’re brilliant. I have great reviews from them. They’d be crazy to get rid of me.” She yanks at out another weed.  

Michael sighs. “They’ve done crazier things before, you know that better than anyone.”

“Even if the band moves back, it will still take me awhile to find work. I can’t force Calum to take care of the bills alone.”

“Harlowe, you’re making fucking bank. Calum’s smart and has been for years now. He could handle everything and more by his income alone.”

He’s right. Calum’s invested some money. Most of those profits go towards savings for the kids future education plans. Advancements from albums and merch sales have also been sitting in savings for them. Her income is chump change comparatively. Calum’s always treated it equally. The sales from her books helps too for kids savings. Her salary covers half the bills.  My income is chump change compared to him.

She could move. Maybe she should. Calum’s been dropping the possibility more and more since everything went downhill. “My family,’” she says softly. 

“They’re going to cause you to go gray.”

A sob chokes her. Her chest squeezes. When did she start crying? When did the tears burn her eyes? I’m so used to being able to handle things. I don’t know what to do.”

Michael rubs at her back, shushing her softly. “You’re allowed to be weak. Being strong doesn’t mean being able to handle everything. It’s about knowing your limits, knowing when you need help.”

It takes a few minutes before the tears subside. The water soothes the ache in her throat. The passing moments are filled with silence. Michael points to some small green leaves, making sure it’s okay to pull before he gets a grip on it. He can’t tell if it’s a new plant or not and would rather not cause her another crying fit. Harlowe nods before clipping off some browning leaves. 

“You are not alone in this, okay? Remember that.”

“Thanks, Michael.” 

She watches, to make sure he gets safely to his car. It’s all the years of drinking as a young woman and knowing that any moment could be someone’s last. It’s the years of being a mother and freaking out whenever Te Koha decides to hide behind a rack or mannequin. She has to see with her own eyes to everyone’s safely. 

When she gets inside, after double checking the lock on the door, she notices  Esha’s standing with her little horse. Her smile is bright. Harlowe does her best to return it as she goes to wash her hands. Esha clambers right behind her, the clacking of the plastic striking the floors. Harlowe steps to get a paper towel. More clacks are heard. 

Harlowe runs in a circle, the clicking following her ‘round and ‘round. She scopes up her little girl, lifting Esha above her head. “You’re getting so big, girlie. I love you.”

She giggles at Harlowe. “You’re not tired?” Harlowe asks. “You should be tired by now. You ran behind Koha today. He’s a fast one. My little zoomer.”

When she looks over to him, sitting at the table, tracing over the alphabet with Calum, he grins. “Nyoom,” he laughs. 

“Down,” Esha pleads. It’s softly at first. Then she repeats herself, more firmly, when the request is not immediately fulfilled. “Down.” 

“So demanding, you’re my child. Lord help you.” Harlowe sets her down and she runs back to her horse. 

Calum chuckles. “Alright, c’mon, Koha. You’re half way done.”

“I’m being Momma’s little zoomer,” he huffs but goes back to tracing. 

Calum turns his attention back to Harlowe. “Make sure to eat.” 

She nods. She’s not very hungry though. She knows she should be. But she’s just not. Her appetite goes most days. “Want to shower first.”

He points to the fridge. He means right now. “Please, baby. Just something. A turkey sandwich and apple. It doesn’t have to be a lot. I even bought pink ladies, your favorite.”

“I smell.”

“Harlowe.”

She knows that tone. She marches to the fridge to find the plate all ready for her. She knows, during the first couple of bites that she won’t get it all down. Something is better than nothing under Calum’s watchful stare. She pretends not to notice his constant glances and gazes out of the same window that Te Koha was lifted through. They both know the other is watching. 

More than half the sandwich is gone and the whole apple is finished. Harlowe tips the plate in Calum’s direction before dumping the core and sandwich remnants. He gives a slight nod. His acknowledgement of what she’s eaten. He worries. Maybe more so than he should. But who can fault the concern? Who can find any issue in the pure love that he carries for her? He wants her to be okay. 

Harlowe walks over to the penmanship study and tugs at Calum’s elbows. “You stink, you know?” he teases. 

She lifts an arm, turning the armpit to his face. “Wanna try something else smart to say?” 

Calum rears back. “God, I can’t breathe. Te Koha, help me. I’m going to suffocate from the stink.”

Koha laughs in his seat. “Sorry Daddy, I have to finish tracing.”

“My own son betrays me,” he gasps, pretending to pass out. No one reacts. “So you all were just going to let me die? Even you Esha,” Calum sits up, pulling her into his chest. He smiles over Harlowe’s shoulder to her. She coos, smacking her toys together in excitement. “Yeah, even you were just going to leave your old man high and dry. No love.”

She stands and walks over. Harlowe end down to pick her up. She reaches for Calum though. “She’s such a daddy’s girl,” Harlowe laughs. 

“I love you,” he breathes into her skin, lips brushing over from the forehead kiss.. “I love you so much. Mommy loves you too. You too, Koha,” he says turning his attention to his son, brushing his fingers through the tight coils. “We love you too.”

“I know,” he says softly. A grin taking over his face. “I know.”

Harlowe decides on a soak. But after her shower. The shower will let her cry if she needs too. Though, after her tears in the garden, she thinks today will be decent. The rose scent of the bubbles starts to invade her nostrils. Her eyes close and Koha’s face fills her dark vision. His tears. His plea for her to get better. Her own children take the blame for her brain’s reaction. 

The sting starts up behind her closed lids. God, she’s so unfit. With lips pressed together, Harlowe tries to quiet the sobs. It’s just about nap time; she doesn’t want to wake them. But God, how unfit. Unable to remember the laundry she had started. Hardly able to keep the yard together and in good shape. Can’t even a fucking sandwich. 

Every second she can sit in bed, she does. Calum must think she’s disgusted with him. Harlowe hasn’t touched him sexually in months. She wants too, just lacks the motivation to go through with it. All her energy is spent before her feet ever hit the floor. Covering her mouth, she lets one nasty sob rip through her. The floor thuds with footsteps; Calum’s heard. Fuck. She sniffles. Pull it together. He can’t see her crying again. He doesn’t even bother knocking, not that he needed to anyway. If he heard the wail, she knows he would’ve broken down the door if necessary. 

“Babe,” he rushes out, settling onto the edge of the tub. “Talk to me, please.”

Her hands tremble; her throat hurts. The words are stuck in the dryness that coats her mouth. Grabbing her towel from the counter, he sets it on his lap before pulling her out of the water. Calum wraps the extra fabric, then holds her to his chest. The rocking motion helps. All she has to do is focus on the back and forth motion. She doesn’t have to think about anything else. 

“Te Koha thought it was his fault,” she breathes. The words are sour. She feels like there is bile on them as she speaks. “He thought he had done something wrong. I forgot about the laundry. I’m barely eating. I’m falling apart. I don’t want to fall apart. I’m not taking the fertility meds like I should. I want to give up; I don’t want to keep doing this.”

Calum finally speaks, voice thick. “Do you want to get better?”

“Sometimes I do; sometimes I don’t.”

“Right now, do you want to get better?”

“I’m just tired, Calum. I’m so fucking tired.”

“You know I’m here for you. You know I care, right?” She nods against his chest. “Do you trust me?” She nods again, clutching onto the cotton t-shirt. He releases a breathe. “Then we can’t stay here. You can’t keep dodging therapy appointments. You can’t skip your meds.”

“I know; I’m sorry.”

Calum kisses the top of her head, or what he can reach of it behind the pineappled afro. “I need some extra hands. We need some extra hands; I know a nanny scares you. But we’re getting out of LA, as quick as possible. I’m calling your parents, see if they can help for a little bit. But we’ve gotta get out of here. I know you’re worried about insurance costs and such. But maybe it’s time to leave the States. My parents could help us; I’m sure they’d be happy to.”

She is small, in that moment she is that eleven year old girl that cried in a bathroom because she heard her parents arguing. She is that eleven year old girl that needed her father’s comforting touch. She is small again, in Calum’s lap, still damp from the shower and bath. She needs someone to help her. Maybe she can stop torturing herself, her husband, and her kids. 

“Okay,” she whispers. “I need the help.” A tiny drop of relief hits her stomach. She needs help. She needs help. She just needs the help. There’s no shame in that, right? There’s nothing wrong in admitting that sometimes the burden is just too heavy to carry all by herself.