#suffering caregiver

[psalacanthea]

dreading what's going to happen to the programs my ppl depend on

[headcanontheshitoutofsoulsborne]

I will put this blog on a little hiatus. I have a lot to do lately in my private life and it is hard finding the motivation for this blog. I want to collect a few headcanons first and slowly work through them and then open the queue again once I have enough. I am sorry and I hope you understand.

[teddykaczynski]

i love working the night shift because im a martyr

[revllz]

𖦏 “ENZO” ;; CALLIN ;; “SHOTGUN” ;; “Труп” ;; “MAL”

𖦏 HE/HIM ;; I don’t know if I want to use neos???

𖦏 MALE ;; AGENDER ;; UNLABELED SEXUALITY

𖦏 NO DNI ;; FREE BLOCKER 100%

𖦏 ENGLISH ;; GERMAN ;; RUSSIAN ;; SPANISH

𖦏 TCC :: ANDREW BLAZE, ACADEMY MANIACS, COLUMBINE, ADAM LANZA + MORE

𖦏 KMFDM ;; NIN ;; SONIC YOUTH ;; CHEMLAB ;; MSI

𖦏 MINECRAFT ;; COF ;; FNAF ;; BATIM ;; DEADPLATE +

𖦏 MASSIVE LOSER. LIKE MASSSSIVE LOSER 4 ML

𖦏 RIGOR MORTIS HAS ME IN A CHOKEHOLD

𖦏 HIS ROTTING CORPSE LOVES ME STILL

𖦏 WATCHING YOU SUFFER MAKES ME BETTER

𖦏 EITHER THIS IS COOL OR INFORMATIONAL

𖦏 COPRSE LOVER. COPRSE KISSER. CORPSE CAREGIVER. NOT A CORPSE FUCKER YALL. :(

𖦏 I SWEAR I HAVE SWAG IM JUST A BIT MENTALLY SPICY BRO I PROMISE I HAVE SWAG

𖦏 REPLYING TO OTHER WEIRDOS!!

[itspileofgoodthings]

If Jane Austen could write about my family from the outside and I could read it then maybe I would be healed.

[exoscreamsoda]

im finally not jobless

it took me 200+ applications (not on indeed but directly on compan websites) and almost 2 years since graduating college (WHERE I EARNED A BACHELORS WITH CUM LAUDE HONORS). im 24 years old and i was just now able to secure a job that wasn't given to me out of pity. it should NOT have taken me 6 years of adulthood to get even a chance at having a normal life, out of those 200 applications i only had 3 interviews, all online except for this final one. it should NOT be this hard to get a job in a country with help wanted signs everywhere. i wish every single ceo/boss/boomer in this country had to go through the pain and suffering of job hunting when you have no nepotism to help you.

[creaturebloom]

god i just need all of this to be over already !!!

i'm so tired, god, i am so tired of this. we can't keep doing this but i know we're going to. i know there's no fucking end until he just dies and that could be another ten fucking years.

i hate this. i hate this so bad. nothing in my life will ever suck this fucking much for this fucking long and there's just no end in sight.

[thermesiini]

I REMEMBER what i was going to say. vanitas (character) is also vanitas (concept) and an allegory for a cycle of systematic suffering and abuse that exists haplessly and without purpose. noé right from the start is in denial over the existence of such useless suffering (thinking he can save mina) and continues to deny this by writing the case study of vanitas, his futile attempt to scrape off some meaning from such a bleak allegory. while he can understand that killing vanitas is a form of salvation for him i don’t think that can come to terms with the fact that vanitas did suffer at all. so to write the case study of vanitas, trying to go over the events of their lives together, and trying to piece together vanitas the person he ends up disrespecting his existence altogether, simply by over scrutinizing it. vanitas did not want to be remembered. by saying he wanted to erase the existence of the votbm, he is saying he wants to erase his suffering from this world. what noé does with the case study is essentially immortalize it, because he is selfish, naive, and wants to understand something inscrutable. rather than taking comfort in the fact that vanitas can continue to exist in his memories, like how he will tell him as he dies (i won’t die noé even if i’m no longer here) noé bastardizes these memories and turns them into something almost masturbatory

[werewolfmack]

There is no person in my personal life who I can talk to about metastatic tumors in the way that I want to, to process being around them daily

Not daily that is just how my mind completed the sentence... A few times a week. Enough time between to see how they grow and change.

[cherry-treelane]

I forgot how bad Monica pisses me off oh my goodness

[sounknownvoid]

Say this louder: " pretending dean did a great job raising sam and gave him a good childhood isn’t any fairer to dean than it is to sam, because the point isn’t that dean did a good job, the point is that dean never should have been given that job in the first place" ....

Dean WANTED TO BE Sam's awesome big brother and mother and father and EVERYTHING to sam - he wasn't necessarily GOOD AT IT, though...

In fact he says as much to Mary in s12:

"And I failed" ...( can't find that gif atm)

n that's really the underlying source of his guilt complex(es) - how badly he feels he let sam down by not being able to give/be those things for him....n it's not for lack of trying or wanting on his part - he.is.simply.NOT. upto. the. task(coz it's not his task n he's a kid) - fueling a permanent sense of inadequacy (hence why why every issue feels an "apocalypse" to him and every person against them is a "monster" - if we're gonna further psycho-babble it but i digress)....

repeat: DEAN IS NOT A PARENT TO SAM n NOT GOOD at caretaking sam in childhood, no matter how much he loved sam n wanted to be - his is a child's view of taking care which is prolly worse with its child's lack of understanding of what care looks like and what hurts n shouldn't be done etc... have uvwatched kids with dolls n things - they're absolutely savage even when they're trying to be "careful "...

Sam's been subjected to neglect n abuse since birth - whether intentional or as a result of a kid trying to take care of him ineptly, the result n effect on him is the same...

once in a while i’ll see someone act like sam had a good (or even spoiled) childhood just because he had dean taking care of him and all i can think is, are we talking about the same sam? the sam who wanted to get away from his family so badly as a child that his imaginary friend, a real being with his best interest at heart, was encouraging him to run away? the sam who was so miserable at home that the times he was able to get away became all of his best memories? that’s the sam we’re saying had a good childhood?

dean may have done his best to care for sam and sam may express a lot of appreciation for that in hindsight, but it doesn’t change the fact that a kid is never going to be able to be a good primary caregiver to another kid. dean wasn’t a father or mother to sam; mary was sam’s mom who was gone for good and john was sam’s dad who was gone most of the time and sam was a kid raised without real parental nurturance or really any kind of consistent support from an adult in his life. he may have had a brother who tried to fill that gap, but that was always going to be a sisyphean task for a fellow child. dean being the closest thing he had to a good parent doesn’t make his childhood better, it just means he didn’t have a good parent in his life at all because dean was never a parent, much less a good one.

pretending dean did a great job raising sam and gave him a good childhood isn’t any fairer to dean than it is to sam, because the point isn’t that dean did a good job, the point is that dean never should have been given that job in the first place. he was a child with far more weight on his shoulders than he could reasonably be expected to handle and sam was a child abandoned by the person who actually should have been caring for him. both of them were neglected by the only family they had left, and both of them suffered for it.

[chewysgummies]

I'll be honest when I say that I honestly daydream about Killbot 86 being my caregiver yesterday during night because I was getting a bit nervous & scared. I don't know what problem I have, but suddenly my mind started thinking about killbot 86 taking care of me

[radrobotz]

i reaaallyyy gotta post about shattered casually more cuz every time i make some new development i get so hyped but cant really share it without needing to give context starting from "who the fuck is this" 😭

[kkoffin]

Stop hating your womb and making caricatures of your female anatomy being an angry or evil thing that only wants you to be pregnant or bring you pain and start hating:

• The medical industry for ignoring women’s pain and suffering for generations, not putting the same effort into researching the female body as it does male bodies, often acting as though women are simply small men

• Men in history who mass-slaughtered female medical practitioners and midwives, calling their research into women’s health witchcraft

• Capitalism and a male-orientated workforce and education system that fails to consider and factor women’s needs into it’s demand

• Patriarchal disgust for women’s bodies and their functions

• The sexualisation and shame of female bodies to the point where young women cannot seek help for their issues from caregivers/doctors/parents without fear and embarrassment

Yes, periods are inconvenient and often painful, but before you get frustrated with your body, demonising and blaming it, realise it would not be the way it is if not for a mass-scale medical and scientific negligence of women’s issues. Your body does not hate you- patriarchy does. Aim your energy and efforts there.