#such a funny joke that white people tell about asians all looking alike

[animentality]

a not often discussed thing about being adopted by a white person is that sometimes they say racist ass shit to you, a child they raised.

like my mom used to say we couldn't ever visit China because she'd "lose" me and accidentally bring home a different Chinese kid.

so.

yeah.

[adriata-archive]

things you really shouldn’t be saying to me (or any poc)

“what are you?”

not only is this rude/ignorant af, it also implies that i dont look like your stereotypical idea of a chinese person and that i somehow owe it to you to explain my identity

“if you’re ___, then why don’t you speak ____?” 

there are a lot of reasons why poc born in my generation don’t speak their parents’ languages, but again, we don’t owe you an explanation!!! my inability to speak cantonese is something i’m actually very sensitive about and not something i had control over growing up. my parents chose to stop speaking to me and my siblings in chinese once we started school because they had the misguided belief it would make things easier for us. where do you think they got that impression from?

“you don’t look ____”

again, this tells me you have a stereotypical idea of what i should look like, and goes to show you have no idea how diverse and beautiful poc are

“really? you’re ___? you act so white”

this is REAL SHIT people have said to me, white and poc alike. a lot of times it’s a reaction to my major (english literature), how i express myself (verbally + in writing), and the way that i dress. NONE of these things belong to white people and it goes to show how many people expect me to act like a “””fOb””” because i’m asian, which is yet another harmful stereotype

“stop being so sensitive, it was just a joke”

it might be a joke to you, but when i hear/see a million racist microaggressions a day, i don’t find it very funny. you don’t get to draw the line for me to be offended - every individual person has their own limits and boundaries and you need to respect that

“so what do ___ people think about this?”

i’m not a spokesperson for all poc. don’t ask me to be. poc have varying experiences based on culture, skin tone, ethnicity, nationality, etc. the list goes on and on. i can only speak for myself and this is no way translates into a universal poc experience because that doesn’t exist.

“people in china aren’t offended by this, so why are you?”

other (more eloquent) people have spoken about the diaspora felt by immigrants and the children of immigrants, but basically it’s this - in countries where you belong to the majority, it is easy to laugh off the antics of a teenage white girl who wants to wear a cheongsam to prom and say that it is harmless. in places where you are a minoritized group and grew up having your culture ridiculed and mocked, “small” incidents like this can have a very harmful impact. again, you don’t get to draw the line for me to be offended.

“___ used this (slur). why is it ok for them to say it and not me?”/”___ said they didn’t mind when i said (slur). why does it bother you?”

this one is simple - it’s not your word to use! if you’re not black and you insist on using the n word because it’s in your favorite rap songs, congrats, you’re ignoring the extremely detrimental history of that word and the empowerment that black people feel in taking it back! and what bothers some poc doesn’t bother others, but if someone tells you they don’t like you using a certain word, you don’t use it. this goes for ANY marginalized community and is a fundamental part of human decency. 

on the same note and coming from my actual life experience, if you are NOT black, you do not get to ask other black people to use the n word because it makes YOU uncomfortable. your comfort does not come before theirs and you do not get to take the use of the word away from them.

“i don’t see race”

this is, quite frankly, a big fat lie. you do see race. everyone sees race, because we were trained to. and saying that you don’t, that you’re “colorblind,” negates the fact that darker skinned poc are disproportionately affected by violence and are treated differently because of their skin tone. yes, we are all human, but some humans are targeted more than others, and by saying that you ONLY see people as humans means you’re ignoring the racism poc face on a daily basis. 

and this last one is for me, personally:

“how do i, as a white person, authentically represent poc?”

sometimes you have to recognize that as a person with immense privilege, you need to take a backseat. instead of trying to “give a voice” to the voiceless, sit back and let them speak for themselves. i appreciate the surge in diversity in books especially nowadays, but it is just a fact that white people will never fully understand what poc go through, no matter how hard they try. it’s not as simple as taking a character and making them look “ethnic” and have a few phrases of a different language in their back pocket. there are infinite factors that go into how poc move through the world, and if you haven’t experienced that yourself, there is no way to authentically represent the daily life of a poc. if you don’t know what it’s like to be told that your food stinks/looks nasty, that you or your family members speak “really good english for...yenno,” or have all eyes turn to you when your teacher starts talking about communism and asks for the class to respond, then let someone who DOES know write the story. 

feel free to add anything else you’ve heard as a poc that made you think “wow, did that really come out of your mouth?”

[healthgnome]

Dear, Isaiah because it’s come to my attention.

It has come to my attention that the past back-and-forth of abuse accusations have been slowly resurrected and I see now that it is certainly within my time to once more explain my side. I truly wish not to be slandered and lied about on such a big platform and I wish the same for my friends, Ryan and Zayne. I genuinely try very much to be a decent, good, and helpful person. Sometimes I slip up as anyone would but I certainly know that I would never try and genuinely bully or hurt someone. For any time I might have joined in on some fun-making - trying not to go overboard and apologizing if I did end up actually hurting- I once again of course apologize for that. I go with the flow of how I think a dynamic is working and sometimes a dynamic does involve some making fun meant in no big harm. A prime example of such would be the friendships between Mark (Markiplier), Bob (Muyskerm), and Wade (LordMinion777). Where it is within understanding that they are all good friends but Wade gets the brunt of a lot of jokes. Any time there is sincere hurt, not that we have seen- but I guarantee there would be apology.

In Any Case, now that that introduction is out of the way I shall diffuse all that has been said in a post made by former friend Isaiah AKA (currently) @for-abused-kids about myself, Zayne (@thevvytchbytch) and Ryan (@literallyrealdeadstuff).

Not one of us have “stalked” your blog on a daily to find out if you have talked shit. If you mean during that whole giant commotion, sure there was a lot of digging in order to actually provide evidence for the claims we make. After that? Maybe checked out some posts to make sure there wasn’t still any sort of slander on any of our names, or we were informed of such a thing taking place. And yes, you have had their name(s) and mine on your blog in a “talking shit” kind of way.

We did not go to your house after dark, how would you know if you weren’t there. That is assumption. (and you know what they say lol) And a letter was written to your parents coming from a place of concern and explanation. I had not wished any abuse on you to happen.

As well, you are repeatedly saying that we lied to your mother telling her you ripped up the note. It was not meant to be a lie or anything of the sort, we simply had no contact and therefore wanted to make sure the note was actually read.

Hmm. I would really like to point out though that you claim that Zayne had the audacity to go to your home and deliver this note with someone who stole from your home while at the hospital. Do not act like you are not leaving out very important parts to this statement, and that the counterpart, leader, truest perpetrator, and manipulator to this was someone mentioned throughout this letter.

There was a lot of yelling between yourself and Zayne. A lot of it was not meant in harm, which was understood at least eventually; a lot of it was out of anger because something had happened, was done, or was said. And there was a lot of back and forth.

Allan was a friend of all of us for a while until he was slowly let go from all of us because he is a bad person. Personally, I stayed friends because my really fucked up brain could not handle being any more alone than I already was. You had liked him for a long time. Told us about it, or when certain things may have happened; sometimes these feelings went away (which is normal), and sometimes they were strong. I can provide proof for this too. Yes he was an awful person, and I was usually on your side when he did bully you. I did exclaim, and of course I understand how feelings work, that perhaps not being friends would be a good idea. I also told Allan this countless times but he enjoyed messing with you and I am not him nor could I control his actions.

The competition? There was a small friendly barely-a-competition thing going on in regards with Zayne. And it had barely lasted as well. At least from what I understood.

Ah yes the cum stains things. We used the word cum out of what we thought would be respect for your identifying away from femininity. Just as we would use the word “dick” or any variations thereof rather than vagina when referring to most of us and genitalia. Which sounds gross to say but we are teens, most of us horny, most everyone on T, genitals were a common point of discussion. And yes, you did leave vaginal discharge stains, or cum stains or whatever you feel most comfortable calling it, on the futon. And this is a pretty normal thing from what I know. People “get wet” and people have sexual liquids. It be like that.

From what I, and many others know, you do talk to a lot of people, including children, about your trauma.

I don’t remember you purposely triggering Zayne with Ed Sheehan, you did not have control anyway; Allan was the controller and was persistent on having that song on. However, you have attempted to physically hurt Zayne when you punched them. It did not actually hurt because it was frankly weak (not that I could do much better). What next you’re referring to after this is that Zayne was allowed by yourself to punch back; they simply know how to and are stronger than they appear.

Oh god. The Asian thing. That’s a huge bag on it’s own and has been talked about previously, you want more info on this or another post? Talk to me. Here is a link to a post with a bunch of evidence of this and other things & here is a link to a quick post by Ryan. There will also be a couple of photos at the end of this. But simply, Isaiah, your evidence was hardly; you have very white features, two very white parents, and have never presented otherwise, this coming from a very white person.

Congruently, have you seen Ryan or a picture of him recently? He has anything but thin lips. If you’d care for an example of thin, look at me. His hair is quite thick, has varying curls throughout as has been complained about and explained in the past. As well, it does deeply tangle itself if not taken care of daily. I, on the other hand never brush my hair- at the same length- and it barely gets more than a little disheveled. There is evidence of all of this. He does not at all have a small nose. Whilst not the darkest person, the summer provides a pretty good tan, more so in his youth. His father is actually not white- which is a known fact rather than a guess. If he is at least a quarter black, and has those features, I think it’s fair for him to claim that he is mixed on a hookup/dating app.

Oh, and I am quite aware of all of the arguments you’ve had about your father and his heritage. It’s what sparked that one post about the “Native American” 80’s/90s festival necklace. Which was a genuinely funny incident if you look back on it.

I have heard varying things to do with you imagining sex with anyone you are friends with. Just as I have heard varying statements about a lot of things that you exclaim to have or currently happen in your life.

We have called you straight as you have called yourself straight or straight-passing because of the fact that you were or are masc-aligned and would now prefer to date fem-aligned individuals due to trauma. But considering you are not mono-attracted to only men/masculine leaning individuals, you are not completely gay either. So if you can call yourself one you can essentially call yourself the other since you seem to be comfortable enough doing so. (I’ve recently seen a word to use for nonbinary-straight attraction! it’s “strayt”; similarly, there is “gai.” I bring these up not to make-fun or cause harm but they may be useful to you.)

In regards to Ingrid, as far as you have spoken to us and as we have seen, you have changed what you claim to have identified as whilst dating her. From secretly trans, to a cis girl, to questioning (not in this order, necessarily). Regardless, for many reasons it seems as though this was an unhealthy relationship.

You have taken stories right out of others lives and claimed them to be your own, these would be delusions, dear, not hallucinations. And it is at least a possibility that a lot of other things are delusions, too. This coming from someone who has had experiences with some sort of psychosis, delusions, hallucinations, gas lighting (from yourself, Isaiah. as well as from others.) and other such things that I can explain more if asked. And there is evidence of this all, as well.

I have never been abused by my parents. They are wonderful individuals who also try to be good, decent people. They have taken in my friends (including you, Isaiah) and done a lot to help them in times of abuse and need as well. That being said, there can be, from what I’ve seen, varying degrees and methodologies of abuse that different groups take part in. They are all horrific and I absolutely, full-heartedly, condemn all of it. But that is a fact given by apparent evidence. This being said, your parents have Not admitted to doing all of this, at least not to yourself, but to your sisters. I am genuinely curious as to why, if they’d admit doing harm to them both to you and in writing, why would they not come through with all of this to yourself?

On this topic, Stockholm syndrome, while something truly awful, is a kidnap-specific symptom. You can google how it affects others, but those websites are a lot less trust-worthy. We both went through the Hell of the junior research project and you are an academically intelligent person, you should be able to tell the difference between a trustworthy site and an untrustworthy one.

As far as your gender, speculations have been made based upon a lot of things you have said, and some seeming fetishization of nonbinary people. This is not said to invalidate your feelings or anyone else’s for that matter. It is simply that you are a rightfully suspicious individual. Again, this coming from trans people both binary and non- alike.

Regarding what I’m pretty sure is the video of you sitting on my legs, Isaiah, I don’t remember if there was an apology (whether or not in the video) but this wouldn’t be the first or last time something like this had occurred.

Finally, you have abused me. You have done me harm and I now understand that. I have tried to do a lot for you but you have done a lot to and taken advantage of me and my mental state. 

Once again here is a link to a post with A Lot of evidence. Want more? Contact me.

As always, best regards to your mental health,

former friend, Alana.

PS; Please, for the love of everything, do stop misgendering Zayne and use *their* correct pronouns ( they / them ) !

The photo below contains obviously curly hair, not-at-all thin lips, a not-at-all small nose, etc. You can see.

[sumukhcomedy]

Seinfeld: The Show That Treated Race Like Nothing

Seinfeld was a “show about nothing.” It was the most popular sitcom of my generation and arguably considered the greatest sitcom in American television history. Of course, the show wasn’t purely about “nothing.” It had concepts that were strong enough for nine seasons and a massive amount of syndication money and even a fan base that eagerly embraced a return of the cast for a season of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Over the almost 30 years since the show’s premiere, a criticism of the show has been its handling of race. Much like its longtime “Must See TV” lineup teammate Friends, the show was criticized for its lack of non-white characters in New York, a city filled with every single type of person in the world. Such criticism can head directly back to the show’s creative team and writing staff which were largely white and male throughout the show’s run.

Seinfeld wasn’t racist. It actually was a fine example of revealing white people’s uncomfortableness and awkwardness with race. This was exemplified both by the characters on the show but also by the writers themselves in how they created episodes and guest characters. Perhaps the comedy of Seinfeld still resonates 30 years later which is why people still love watching it. But episodes revolving around answering machines, pay phones, fax machines, and an inability to get in contact with someone else immediately reveals its age. If anything, race and the manner in which Seinfeld handled it from a white lens may be the topic that has truly stood the test of time.

When the show touches upon race and succeeds is when it reveals its main character’s weaknesses and awkwardness towards race. Its failures occur when the white writer of an episode unintentionally infuses his awkwardness into the plot of the show.

One of the best episodes of Seinfeld that highlighted the awkwardness of race is “The Cigar Store Indian.” In it, Jerry is attracted to one of Elaine’s friends, Winona. He brings over a cigar store Indian statue to her apartment as a gift when Winona is over and begins to joke around with it only finding out later from Elaine that Winona is Native American. Jerry apologizes and is able to go out on a date with Winona but his interactions with Winona over the rest of the episode are a series of uncomfortable situations revolving race. None of the Seinfeld characters are seen as particularly good but Jerry is still an understanding individual who isn’t portrayed as a racist. He is well-meaning but certainly has had a white upbringing (like the others) and clearly doesn’t fully grasp the effects of racism even with his comedy in casual conversation. While the episode clearly had moments that don’t make anyone feel good for either comedy or racial equality 30 years later, it still was probably the best example of Seinfeld balancing humor with its characters’ inability to deal with race properly.

Similarly is the episode “The Diplomat’s Club” in which George feels he must validate that he doesn’t think all black people look alike to one of his bosses, Mr. Morgan (who he thinks looks like Sugar Ray Leonard) by introducing him to one of his black friends (of which he has none). He ultimately ends up trying to pass off Jerry’s exterminator as an old high school friend. Again, the episode does a good job of showing George’s neuroticism towards all things including race. His desperation to show he believes in equality and is not racist makes him look even more ridiculous and insensitive, which is a main characteristic of George Costanza throughout the show. Though, the episode ends with a black waiter validating George’s belief that Mr. Morgan looks like Sugar Ray Leonard rather than continuing to make him look like a fool. 

“The Chinese Restaurant” was a wonderful early episode showing how much laughter could occur in just one setting on the show. It choreographed like a funny play. Despite the host of the restaurant (played by the masterful acting veteran James Hong) being the start of many stereotypical immigrant characters on the show, his innocence and zaniness towards seating the Seinfeld characters worked really well for the situation.

Not surprisingly, when the show attempts to venture into race in a bit of a deeper way or involving interpersonal relationships and more depth to a character of a non-white race, it fails. An episode like “The Chinese Woman” makes little sense. In it, George’s phone line is crossed with a woman named Donna Chang. This leads Jerry to asking Donna out and relishing his first date with an Asian woman only to discover when they meet that Donna is not Asian. Jerry believes she is playing up the Asian angle of her last name. At one point in the episode, she pronounces ridiculous “ridicurous.” She ultimately ends up giving advice to Estelle, George’s mother, over the phone. This advice leads Estelle to remain in her marriage and she tells Jerry that the advice were some words from Confucius. However, Estelle is disappointed to find out when she meets Donna Chang that she is not an Asian woman. The lines of thought towards Asians in the episode are absurd and insensitive (seriously, “ridicurous” as a punchline?) and culminates with Jerry’s suggestion to Donna that she perhaps change her name. Whether Donna is purposefully playing up being Asian or it’s another example of Jerry and the gang misconstruing race’s presence in their lives, it’s just a terrible episode in its humor and perspective on Asians.

The limited relationships depicted on the show where the characters date people that are not white also are perplexing. In “The Wife,” Kramer dates a black woman, sleeps in a tanning booth for too long, and shows up to meeting her family basically in blackface. The episode concludes with her father saying, “This isn’t a white boy! This is a damn fool!” It’s a strange end and not worth much in the realm of laughter given its punchline ultimately comes down to being minstrelsy. In “The Wizard,” Jerry believes Elaine’s new boyfriend is black. Elaine isn’t sure. She spends the entire episode trying to determine if he’s black. Once again, a bunch of stereotypes come up and it ultimately culminates with her and her boyfriend realizing they’re both white (the boyfriend thinking they were in an interracial relationship because she was Hispanic). Once again, it’s an uncomfortable punchline of “Oh no, we’re both white?!” to end on when you’ve spent an entire part of the plot shredding interracial relationships for not great laughs.

Seinfeld likely fails the most towards immigrant characters of all races. Actor Danny Hoch was originally cast as the role of Ramon in “The Pool Guy” but objected and asked for changes because of the way the character was depicted. Seinfeld and the other decision makers refused and Hoch was re-cast. There was no purpose to the character’s ethnicity being present as part of his annoying pest ways. “The Puerto Rican Day” is easily the worst episode of the show with nothing funny and just seems insulting to Puerto Ricans and even pregnant women who aren’t married. Babu Bhatt, The Soup Nazi, the Parking Attendant at Jiffy Park, Coco the cleaning woman, the Korean nail salon workers, the list goes on and on of guest characters on the show who were stereotypes and, in the case of Babu and The Soup Nazi, became some of the most memorable guests who returned for the finale. Even the people of color who are Americans aren’t done with much grace on the show.

Seinfeld is an indication of what happens with a show with a lack of representation that chooses to discuss issues of race but, in doing so, it also perfectly exemplifies where white people in America are even today. They are uncomfortable, unfamiliar, and awkward with the topic of race even when they supposedly embrace equality. A character like Elaine Benes who throughout the show is depicted as an ardent feminist is still awkward when dealing with an interracial relationship. It speaks a lot to much of the current criticism of white feminism and white liberals when dealing with race.

Seinfeld was the most popular sitcom in the 1990s for a reason but it’s still popular today for another reason and it’s not nostalgia. The comedy still stands the test of time in a variety of ways. Now as I’ve gotten older, an episode like “The Pen” is so accurate. My parents in their older age behave exactly like Jerry’s parents and the other senior citizens in that episode. I also can’t deny that Seinfeld was extremely influential in making me love comedy and want to be a stand-up comedian. Jerry Seinfeld made stand-up comedy accessible each week especially to kids who didn’t have cable TV like me. And, even with a show with adult themes, once I saw Kramer running on a runway in “The Airport,” I laughed so hard and was hooked. The show’s goofiness and Michael Richards’s physical comedy managed to make it funny for children, too.  

But years later, I can look back on the way that race was handled on the show and see that the show is still appealing because white people’s handling of race hasn’t changed much since the world and comedy of Seinfeld existed. The show wanted to exemplify that its characters did their best to try to be understanding of race while also being clueless towards it but it truly revealed that the creators of these stories and characters lacked similar compassion.

There is a recurring line in “The Wizard” when discussing Elaine’s possible interracial relationship where each character says, “I really don’t think we’re supposed to be talking about this.” That line could sum up Seinfeld’s approach to race as a whole. It could also sum up many white Americans’ discomfort with race. But what’s troubling is that feeling is still the same today as it was 20 years ago when Seinfeld ended. If there’s one thing that shouldn’t have stood the test of time in Seinfeld, it would be its comedy towards and depiction of race and yet it has. That’s likely because many white Americans, even the ones that supposedly yearn for equality, have been as progressive over the past two decades towards race as the Seinfeld characters they love.

[shannon-jeanna]

1. The “I’m So Sex-Positive, I’m Also Assault-Positive” White Girl

Yes, her name is Lena Dunham, and of course, everyone hates her now that she caped for a sexual abuser because they are friends. (She’s so anxious about her public relations disaster that she’s now telling anyone who will listen that she “warned” Hillary Clinton about Harvey Weinstein. So she knew about it? OK.)

Our generation’s “voice” makes plenty of “art” about her own life—it is, after all, shocking to see privileged kids have sex in pipes (see Tiny Furniture)—and is often portrayed as a sex-positive, third-wave feminist. But when it comes to her personal life, Dunham not only feels entitled to sexual attention (remember how she reacted when Odell Beckham Jr. “ignored” her?) but also supports white male abusers over women of color like Aurora Perrineau. I mean, she refers to herself jokingly as a predator in her own book, in which she detailed touching her younger sister inappropriately, and wants to win the oppression Olympics so badly that she “wishes” she had had an abortion. Talk about sex-positive cred!

Here’s to hoping you have enough wine and mindfulness to take you through the fifth holiday party of the season, where a white girl, who’s friends with the host but not close to anyone else, will drone on about her shocking sex life so loudly, nobody else can talk over her.

2. The “I’m Not Like Other Girls; I’m Funny” White Girl

Amy Schumer is such a joker. She’s almost too funny, you know? She’s so good at comedy that she can get away with just about anything, like stealing jokes, being openly racist and parodying Beyoncé—BEYONCÉ! In response to all those #Haters, Schumer was quick to remind them that feminism is #StrongerTogether and that her use of black art for a cash grab was totally fine because she’s a woman and therefore it’s a tribute.

So many fond memories, our body-positive queen. Remember her pithy observation about her Asian friend Kim, who met someone who looks like her dad ... and her mom ... because all Asians look alike? Oh, and wow, remember her adroit observation that black women had “wild” names?! Super clever, and not at all disgusting. Oooh, Amy is just so funny, she thinks Latina women are all “crazy” and Latino men just don’t do consensual sex! Looks like she agrees with our president. Just love her.

3. The “I’m So ‘Tweeatre’” White Girl

The proliferation of the manic pixie dream girl in cinema is so complete that I’m having a hard time parsing trope and genuine quirkiness now. Rooney Mara, spawn of privilege, leads the pack with her wide-eyed look of confusion in movies like Song to Song, Lion and Carol. She’s so random, she even plays dress-up on-screen as Native American Tiger Lily. Mara is just one of many “tweeatre” white girls—cute, theatrical, weirdly sexy. Like Zooey Deschanel’s bangs or Anne Hathaway’s mouthy, fake surprise.

4. The “I’m So Relatable” *fart noise* White Girl

You spend your entire life looking for media to be the mirror into your own world. You need representation. You want to be seen. And then Jennifer Lawrence comes along, giving you all the relatability one could want in one person: She can be so normal, not super skinny (and therefore “obese”), and can also be bigoted! Man, she totally fell down on national television by accident and definitely not on purpose—just like any of us would! She also thinks all cats are female and all dogs are male because of their “energy,” which is also super normal.

Don’t you just love that crazy character she played in—what was it?—Silver Linings Playbook? Or was it American Hustle? No, it was Mother!—which half the audiences totally didn’t get, it was so brilliant. Love how she makes being “crazy” so relatable! It’s almost no big deal! Everygirl J.Law experiences such everygirl problems, like having a butt itch so bad that she dislodged a sacred Hawaiian rock with her white ass scratching, almost killing a crew member on a film shoot. She’s so proud of it that she told the BBC about it.

Other notable everygirl Emma Stone is so relatable, she can be any race and whitesplain jazz to you!

5. The “I’m Not a Regular Feminist, I’m a Cool Feminist” White Girl

A subcategory of the ubiquitous “I’m Not a Bigot, I’m a Woman!” white girl (hello, Scarlett Johansson), we now turn to the less common outspoken feminist who is kind of doing good in the world and who broadcasts her virtue with a resounding pat on her own shoulder. Emma Watson was everyone’s darling Hermione, the clever white girl cast in a role that should have been played by a black woman.

In similar fashion, Watson continues to usurp the platform of feminism from black women and other women of color with her massive fame, co-opting it for white feminism. She even had time to police Beyoncé’s body by utilizing feminist rhetoric like “male gaze.” In response to the critique of the lack of intersectionality in her #HeForShe campaign, Watson literally said that she was in the clear because her bosses were two black women. Sure, Hermione didn’t need those two boys at all, but maybe we didn’t need a white Hermione.

6. The “I Just Love White Girls” White Girl

Sofia Coppola, also the spawn of privilege, made waves with her second feature, a wistful look at two white people feeling lost in Japan—so, basically, any day in any foreign country. I dare you to count the number of Lost in Translation posters in the frosh-year dorms of white millennial sad bois. And like those sad bois, Coppola loves white women. Her movies, whether they’re about white girls killing themselves, or white girls stealing because they can, or white girls being queens, Coppola is notoriously weak at understanding intersectionality.

Coppola, who thinks it’s possible to look at gender dynamics while ignoring racial ones, is the same Coppola in 2017. The Beguiled, the second adaptation of a 1966 novel, is set against the backdrop of the Confederacy while omitting women of color, giving color only three words in a movie idealizing Southern white femininity: “The slaves left.”

The reason Coppola made the movie? “I felt like I had to give these women a voice.” We know which women she deems most worthy of being listened to.

[notesfromthepen]

Million P1us

A Million P1us

They ignore us because they can.

I've been in prison going on seven years now. I started getting serious about writing when I came down. At first it was just about expression; an attempt to hold onto a little bit of freedom in a place otherwise designed to kill such things. A few years in I started writing about the shit that was happening in here. Figured, somebody should do it.

I wrote about corrupt officers, nonsensical policies, the cruelty of solitary confinement, the censorship, corruption, and the dangerous parole process. I wrote about the slave wages and the financial fleecing of inmates and their families. I wrote about the benefits of good time and Michigan's failure to offer positive reinforcement to inmates. I wrote about everything I saw, the ridiculous, hilarious, and serious alike. I wanted to give a full voice to this experience. Something deeper than stereotypes.

And then I realized that none of it mattered if no one was reading it. So I started a Facebook page, well Mama C started a Facebook page. I connected with amazing people, but it was clear Facebook wasn't the best platform. So we took what little money we had and started a website. Mama C, the saint she is, learned how to put it all together. And finally, a few moths ago, we entered the Twitersphere (they should bring back the electric chair, just so they can strap me in for writing Twitersphere). This is where the magic happened (can you be electrocuted twice?). In a few short months I linked up with so many like minded people, interested and passionate about what was going on in here, which inspired me to push even harder. After every new piece, I felt the sense of relief that comes from getting something off your chest. But whenever I'd see something written, or said about prison reform or mass incarceration, this responsibility, almost a guilt, would settle on me. I was getting good at pointing fingers, but I wasn't offering any solutions. I figured I'd try to put everything I knew together in a single, comprehensive, piece about the American prison system— to see if that would get rid of the feeling for good.

I spent months writing this pain-in-the-ass tome and, when it was finally done, I felt genuine relief. Everything I knew about the fiasco of incarceration was distilled down to single, coherent, piece of work. Dare I say, I was even proud? I was proud…but I was even more relieved.

Now it was time to get it in the hands of people who could actually make some change. Prison reform, after all, is the ONE bipartisan issue in the county.

With magnum opus in hand, Mama C tracked down all 110 Michigan State Representatives. She sent them each their own personal copy, along with a plea for the reinstatement of good time, and an open letter offering assistance. Twitter friends & the Facebook family sent links and messages to the Governor's office all the way up to federal lawmakers. There was even this amazing degenerate, who also claimed to be a famous comedian, who took notice. And he helped spread the word.

Not a single politician responded.

If this ex-telemarketer and procrastinating, but excellent author, who claims to know Joe Rogan, can't get any of the powers that be to listen, then what chance do the rest of us have?

ZERO. The answer, as it stands now, is zero.

And then I got to thinking.

I've always had love for the underdog, the oppressed, the voiceless. And now I was one. I wasn't surprised at the inaction I seemed to inspire in the political landscape. More often than not, these "leaders of men" do the RIGHT thing, only as often as it is incidentally attached to what they're FORCED to do.

They IGNORE us because they CAN.

Which got me to thinking more; what if I was IMPOSSIBLE to IGNORE?

At first it was just this funny little day-dreamt hypothetical; what if a currently incarcerated inmate had a MILLION PLUS followers on social media? What would that look like? The possibilities cascaded. It felt like a paradox, an impossibility, a glitch in the matrix—for an inmate to have that power.

The first thing I thought was, the system couldn't allow it. Then I wondered if could they stop it? Sure they'd try, but what could they actually do? Any attempt would likely back fire. It's a 1st amendment issue. The biggest strength we have at the bottom, is how little we have to lose. 

The fact, that this impossibility wasn't actually impossible, was hypnotic. I couldn't stop thinking about it—about what it meant.

Corruption rarely survives the light of day.

An inmate with a Million P1us followers on Twitter, for instance, would be like one of those nanny cams for the prison system. Knowing you're being watched will significantly curb a babysitter's urge to beat a kid into submission. Trust me, the first severe beating of my life was at the hands of a "baby sitter." I was so young I don't remember but Mama C says my whole face was swollen, that I could barely open my eyes. Then again I am half Asian, with baby eyes like slits, you ever think of that mom? Maybe this case of child abuse was just a simple case of racism. In any case, if ol' Rocky Marciano (he was Italian) had known there was a camera, he might've just let me cry myself to sleep without out the vigorous use of the five-fingered sleep aids.

Over share?

The point is, that without the ability to covertly fuck us over, they'd be forced to stop fucking us over, or at least cut back significantly. Politicians could no longer simply throw us away and ignore our pleas without repercussion. They could no longer anonymously give contracts to these abusive corporations who price gouge the hell out of us, while filling their campaign coffers—at least not without a Million P1us witnesses. From the lawmakers down to individual employees, they'd finally be forced to practice what they've been hypocritically preaching for decades: Personal Accountability.

It was fun to think about, but I wasn't actually going to do it. It was just something to think about during the commercial breaks of Rick & Morty. Just another game of "What If?"

Right?

My mischievous side disagreed; it absolutely loved the idea—wouldn’t let it go.

I'd be trying to watch TV and it'd chime in with shit like, "Why not? What are you scared of?" And the little bastard wouldn't shut up about Kim Kardashian. Kim this, and Kim that. "Kim snaps her fingers and people walk out of prison."

I did my best to remind my mischievous side that I'm not Kim Kardashian.

It reminded me I'm more of a Courtney anyway. And that Snooki, Guy Ferari, and half the cast of The Real Housewives all have a million plus followers.

I wondered how my mischievous side knew this but I didn't.

It said, "The whole point of prison is to silence us. Why not grab a megaphone and be louder than we've ever been? Ariana Grande:67 mil, Justin Beiber: 107 million followers on Twitter."

It was a good point.

"Ralphie May, Channel West Coast, Grumpy Cat..."

I don't know how accurate the research was.

All I'm trying to do is take a shit when I hear the subtlest voice say, "We've been waiting for this our entire lives. We are literally MADE for this. The ultimate thorn in the side of authority—of oppressive, corrupt, authority! An epic middle finger to the entire system."

The constant interruptions are starting to get to me but at this point I'm still unsure.

And then my mischievous side, that rebellious little bastard, says something undeniable, something it knows will kill every excuse I could ever muster. Slowly, fully aware of what it's doing, it says, "J-E-R-E-M-Y R-E-N-N-E-R has FIVE MILLION followers!"

And just like that, I'm in. My mischievous side wins for the first time in a long time.

I tell myself, if all these people have figured out how to get a million plus people to follow them, just so they can sell spanks, talk about their next hair color, or just BE a displeased cat, then what kind of coward would I be not to take a shot. Even if it's an air ball, or whatever clunky sports metaphor you'd prefer, if it means the chance to expose corruption & abuse, the government waste, inhumane practices, family separations, and the mass incarceration of those with mental illness, addicts, black, brown, and poor white people, not to mention the chance to knock Jeremy Renner off his high horse, and make the occasional poop joke...then I have to try.

I mean why can't it be done?

If we can rally enough rebels & misfits, the bleeding heart liberals and the stone cold conservatives alike, these conscientious men and women, Millennials, Baby Boomers & Gen-X'ers, to take a few seconds to tune in, then we'll have done something that has never been done before.

We'll have created a blueprint for other inmates and underdogs to fight for change, to show that redemption is real and that you can affect the world around you, even if you're actively being stepped on, if you work hard enough, think outside the box, and reach out to a few friends, who reach out to a few friends, and so on and so on until you become impossible to ignore.

Plus it would be hilarious, for politicians to have to take into consideration the opinion of a convict they'd all but thrown away...And most important of all: to stop Jeremy Renner from using Jeep commercials to force us to listen to his shitty band.

The goal is to get to a #Million P1us followers before I'm released. Which, if nothing changes, gives us 'til 2025.

We can do it.

In a world of click bait and countless distractions, this FOLLOW and SHARE can be your little contribution to prison reform and ending mass incarceration, a small, but not meaningless, drop in the bucket that gives you something to pat yourself on the back about. I'll take it. Or maybe you're just a rebel who's looking for another middle finger to stick in the air. Maybe you're a troll that thinks it'd be hilarious. Or maybe you're just tired of the same old meaningless bullshit on the news, Twitter, and social media in general. Whatever your reason, you'll be a part of giving a MDOC inmate a REAL chance at grabbing the world by the ear, and letting it know what's actually going on in here.

You already know I can't do this alone. If successful, this will be OUR achievement. Anyone who throws in will be a part of this absurd and exciting movement, and together we'll loom larger than we do alone.

I hope you're in.

We can't live in a world where Grumpy Cat has 1.6 million TWITTER followers, and Jeremy Renner is strutting around like he's the cock of the roost —but a convict on the forefront of the ONLY bipartisan issue of prison reform, with a saint for a mother, an amazing group of friends, and a real penchant for subversive, often ridiculous, writing— can't muster up Million P1us people to pay attention. Whatever God you believe in will not likely spare such a world for too long.

Ok, so: inspiration, outright begging, guilt tripping and fear mongering; ticked all the boxes.

Oh, and I almost forgot to mention; most important of all; it's actually a really GOOD Twitter account, on its own, regardless of it being about some convict writer.

So there's that as well.

Please link, share, mention, follow, or whatever you think would help. You already know groups and people that I'd never think of who'd be worth reaching out to. Oh, and CONTACT me...I want to know who you are, and what you think. I'm serious about this being OUR project.

Your friendly neighborhood convict, Bobby C. 

'til next time, appreciate the small things...even the annoying ones.

#MillionP1us

[yuvilee]

5th November 2019 Student-led seminar 3

Text: Filipović, Katarina (2018) ‘Gender Representation in Children’s Books: Case of an Early Childhood Setting’, Journal of Research in Childhood Education. Routledge, 32(3), pp. 310–325. doi: 10.1080/02568543.2018.1464086.

Table of content:

Introduction Main part: A coherent picture, or is it? From 15 between 1967 - 2013 to today's releases Conclusion: How far have we come? Notes: Books and articles Picture(s)

About the author: International Master in Early Childhood Education and Care (IMEC). Dublin Institute of Technology, Oslo and Akershus University College of Applied Sciences, University of Malta and University of Gothenburg.  Erasmus Mundus joint degree.

BSc. in Pedagogy – Psychology. University of Tuzla, Bosnia and Herzegovina.

Katarina Filipović had previously worked in a range of educational roles such as primary school Pedagogue and Psychologist, Early Childhood Educator and Associate Faculty Lecturer.

Research interests: Children’s and educators’ well-being, work related stress and burnout, impact of educational policies on practice, professionalism in ECEC, and gender in early years.

Teaching Areas: Professional Practice In The Early Years, Child Protection And Safeguarding, Supervised Practice Placement(1)

Introduction: 

The end of 2019 is just around the corner and humanity can look back at many great achievements by men and women alike, such as landing on the moon, curing or even eradicating many diseases or fast communication technologies, to name just a few. With all those accomplishments, one might think we as a species live in an equal society that strives to build a better world from generation to generation. And I do believe this is the case! Some aspects, however, are still ongoing issues, such as gender equality or ethical equality. 

To think equal, to act equal, live equal also means to teach equal, to live as equal role-models for our next generation. It starts with small things like labelling clothes, hair-styles, or colours to be dominantly female or male. 

To teach equality means to offer learning material that depicts this virtue. In this discussion, I am looking at educators who are aware of gender equality and their use of picture books. Going through recently published picture books one might think that things have changed, for example with the bestselling book ‘Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls’ by Elena Favilli and Francesca Cavallo from 2016. This book compiles short-story biographies of 100 real-life women that could be role-models, including Amelia Marie Curie, the Brontë sisters, and Jane Austen. Favilli and Cavallo self-published the book with money raised in a Kickstarter campaign. Their original target was set for $40,000, they ended up receiving $675,614 by 13,454 backers between April 27th and May 26th, 2016 (28 days), which shows an amazing response and acceptance by society(2). 

Above: My screenshot of Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls, (2019)

A coherent picture, or is it? 

The given research by Filipović uses picture books chosen by skilled educators for younger children between the ages of waddler to early school, the books in that study are a mixture from 1967 to 2013(3). 

In my view this study, however, only scratches the surface of the actual topic: the image of the woman in modern societies. Her research shows a glaring imbalance that fits the narrative perfectly but shies away from really forming a conclusion and making a strong statement. And that even though Filipović underlines her research with a broad variety of similar research outcomes highlighting an ongoing problem between gender representation in early childhood picture books. 

Looking back into recent years, we find many different movements with this as their main topic, not just #metoo. Gender studies are more common than ever as Filipović’s references show, and pay-gap has long entered mainstream discussion(4).

Women still tend to enter nurturing professions more than risk-taking, managerial or scientific ones, even though they have equal or sometimes better qualifications. Germany just released a governmental study that showed young girls out-matching boys in mathematics at school, yet they perceive themselves as clearly inferior to their male classmates(5).

Looking at depictions of women vs. men in media and advertisement would open a whole other can of worms(6).

And it all fits together so coherently: we are coming from a patriarchal past(7). Just a few generations ago, men ruled everything and women were confined to the kitchen or tending to the children. While we are looking with suspicious eyes at other societies such as the conservative Muslims in Saudi-Arabia, where this is still very strongly the case, we believe to have developed far beyond this point(8). 

From 15 between 1967 - 2013 to today's releases

Shifting our focus away from the 15 books in Filipović’s study one might think that - as stated in my introduction - the book publishing market would have adjusted by now. Especially since the Rebel-Girls book became a best-seller(9). Publishers might offer more on this topic, right? On the contrary, as The Observer and The Guardian in an in-depth analysis found out:

‘The most popular picture books published in 2018 collectively present a white and male-dominated world to children, feature very few BAME (black, Asian and minority ethnic) characters and have become more biased against girls in the past year, (...) Male characters continue to dominate the most popular picture books: a child is 1.6 times more likely to read one with a male rather than a female lead, and seven times more likely to read a story that has a male villain in it than a female baddie. Male characters outnumbered female characters in more than half the books, while females outnumber males less than a fifth of the time.’(9)

And even continuing in 2019, in research by Sarah Mokrzycki, Victoria University with 100 best-selling books, similar results are to be found. In her research, books for girls were also highly stereotypical:

‘In the female-led stories, protagonists only showed ambition for traditional feminine pursuits. There were three ballerinas, three princesses and one fashion designer - Claris, a mouse, who “dreamed about clothes” and “read about handbags in Vanity Fair”. (In this story, a misbehaving girl is also chastised for being “neither proper nor prim!”) In comparison, the male-led stories showed protagonists in roles ranging from farmers and chefs to zookeepers and scientists.’(10).

To be fair, her research was for the Australian book retailer Dymocks, a comparable research would need to be done for the UK market. 

How far have we come? Conclusion

It all forms a very coherent picture that is not difficult to understand and to accept and which explains every single problem in gender inequality we have - when considering our past, the way we have developed over the last generations, and the problems that very obviously and provenly still linger. We are still fighting the same problems, not to the same extent as women in Saudi-Arabia have to, but they are the exact same problems, yet it appears that resistance and denial are still extremely present.

Maybe stemming from conservative thinkers who still want the ‘good old times’ back when things were easy and women didn’t meddle in their affairs, maybe people just want to live their lives without being bothered by topics like tolerance in nuances (‘Am I still allowed to tell this joke?’, or ‘This picture is funny but now someone tells me it’s sexist? 5 years ago it wasn’t, why now?’). Maybe, though, it’s a much more underlying issue, one that is ingrained into our very beings from the moment we start learning about it. From large factors like the role our mothers portrayed to us as kids, to the value of boys in the schoolyard who can be daring and risk-takers vs. girls who need to be protected and sheltered and rather should play with puppets that they need to take care of and role-playing games, down to the smaller things like an obvious miss-portrayal of genders in the children’s books we read to our kids. 

Perhaps this is where the foundation is laid, where we will raise yet another generation that accepts slightly sexist images or objectifying women in advertisement. From there, it’s only a few steps to underpaying and discriminating women and worse. So yes, it does make a difference whether we choose a book about a boy and read it to a girl or if we rather choose to tell the girl a story about an adventurous girl. It does make a difference if the female part in a book is only there to care and the male character is away or depicted as brave and working and fun and successful. Those choices by our parents shaped our future and they will shape the future of our children(11).

It’s not difficult to see or understand this, which is why I wished this study would have put things into context more directly and was more critical. Because there is a lot of reason to be direct, and critical, and loud.

So what can we do as illustrators? Let’s identify and lock away the stereo-typical from our stories. Try to address this matter with our publishers, families, gift our children non-stereo-typical books and toys. Create role-models. But what kind of alternative presentation possibilities could be used for male and female figures? Could custom-made children’s books work as a good alternative? What are other alternatives? 

During my research for our presentation on this topic, I stumbled over the campaign ‘Let Toys be Toys’. Their focus is to create a non stereo-typical environment for children in the toy and book industries in the UK. They not only try to convince publishers of books and the toy industry to shift their focus from gender related products to uni-sex products. They also offer help for parents to address their concerns and provide discussion material and lesson plans for teachers(12). I found this to be very encouraging.

Another part that I did not address here but found during my research for the presentation are tests like the Bechdel-Test which was mainly created for movies but can also help to identify books with female protagonists. It’s not only about male-female ratio alone, as The Guardian article quoted above already indicates. We could add more and more tests, such as the BAME test as well(13). 

Notes:

Books and articles

Biography retrieved from TU Dublin (2019), Staff Articles. Available at: https://www.dit.ie/llss/people/socialsciences/staffarticles/name176641en.html (Accessed on: 04th November 2019).

Kickstarter (2019), Good night stories for rebel girls. Available at: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/timbuktu/good-night-stories-for-rebel-girls-100-tales-to-dr (Accessed on: 04th November 2019).

Filipović, Katarina (2018), ‘Gender representation in children’s books: case of an early childhood setting’, Journal of Research in Childhood Education. Routledge, 32(3), pp. 310–325. doi: 10.1080/02568543.2018.1464086.

The gender pay gap among full-time employees was 8.9% in 2019 according to the Office for National Statistics in a recent release from 29 October 2019. Office for National Statistics (2019), Gender pay gap in the UK: 2019. Available at: https://www.ons.gov.uk/employmentandlabourmarket/peopleinwork/earningsandworkinghours/bulletins/genderpaygapintheuk/2019#the-gender-pay-gap (Accessed on: 04th November 2019).

Institut zur Qualitätsentwicklung im Bildungswesen (201), National Assessment Studies and IQB Trends in Student Achievement. Available at: https://www.iqb.hu-berlin.de/bt (Accessed on: 04th November 2019). Cf. Schmoll, H. (2019), ‘Leistungsniveau in Mathe und Naturwissensschaften gesunken’, FAZ Online, 18.10.2019. Available at: https://www.faz.net/aktuell/politik/inland/iqb-bildungstrend-leistungen-in-mathe-und-naturwissensschaften-gesunken-16439167.html (Accessed on: 04th November 2019). 

Still to this year advertisements like recently from VW and Philadelphia got banned, cf. BBC (2019) ‘Philadelphia and VW ads banned for gender stereotyping’. Available at: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-49332640 (Accessed on: 04th November 2019). 

Not only due to belief system but also family structures, social surroundings, education, and media.

Cf. Power, G., (2019) ‘Things that women in Saudi Arabia still can’t do’, The Week, 3rd of September. Available at: https://www.theweek.co.uk/60339/things-women-cant-do-in-saudi-arabia (Accessed on: 04th November 2019). 

Cf. Best Sellers in Philosopher Biographies by Amazon.co.uk: Amazon (2019) ‘Best Sellers in Philosopher Biographies’. Available at: https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/bestsellers/books/268059/ref=zg_b_bs_268059_1 (Accessed on: 04th November 2019). 

Ferguson, D. (2019) ‘’Highly concerning': picture books bias worsens as female characters stay silent’, The Guardian. 13th June. Available at: https://www.theguardian.com/books/2019/jun/13/highly-concerning-picture-books-bias-worsens-as-female-characters-stay-silent (Accessed on: 04th November 2019). 

Mokrzycki, S. (2019) ‘I looked at 100 best-selling picture books: female protagonists were largely invisible’, The Conversation, 03rd June. Available at: https://theconversation.com/amp/i-looked-at-100-best-selling-picture-books-female-protagonists-were-largely-invisible-115843 (Accessed on: 04th November 2019). 

Cf. McCabe, J., Fairchild, E., Grauerholz, L., Pescosolido, B. A., & Tope, D. (2011). Gender in twentieth-century children’s books: Patterns of disparity in titles and central characters. Gender & Society, 25(2), 197–226. doi:10.1177/0891243211398358. Also cf. Blake, J., & Maiese, N. (2008). No fairytale. The benefits of the bedtime story. The Psychologist, 21(5), 386–388.

Let Toys be Toys (2019). Available at: http://lettoysbetoys.org.uk/ (Accessed on: 04th November 2019). 

Cf. Darby, S. (2016) ‘11 children's books that pass the bechdel’, Romper, 17th May. Available at: https://www.romper.com/p/11-childrens-books-that-pass-the-bechdel-test-10544 (Accessed on: 04th November 2019). 

Picture(s)

Hanser Literaturverlage (2019), [Screenshot]. Available at: https://www.hanser-literaturverlage.de/buch/good-night-stories-for-rebel-girls/978-3-446-25690-3/ (Accessed on: 04th November 2019).

[kelsismithwrittingformedia-blog]

“2 Broke Girls” stereotypical portrayal of Asian Americans

The sitcom “2 Broke Girls” currently airs on the network CBS and is on its sixth season. The show is about two struggling waitresses. One of them comes from a privileged past and the other one has always been a part of the working class. This causes a fun and funny dynamic to watch between the two main characters that work and live together. There is only one issue “2 Broke Girls” has been called out on its racism, stereotypes, and inappropriate jokes about rape since the pilot episode aired in 2011.

After the pilot episode aired many media outlets and viewers called the show out on its stereotypical and racist portrayal of the Asian race. The writers played on the stereotype of the Asian race being workaholic’s and made their only Asian cast member a Korean man who is an immigrant and owns the restaurant that the girls work at. In the first episode, there are numerous jokes made about him such as that he is Chinese which is common racial insult used against people of the Asian race. Many people that are racist or offend Asian’s in a racial way due it by stating that all Asian’s look alike and not taking the time to realize that many Asian individuals come from a wide range of backgrounds, countries, and races. They also have the actor who plays the Asian speak broken English which is another stereotype of Asian’s which are sometimes referred to as “Fresh off the Boat” by White Americans. They also play off his geekiness and height which are both stereotypes in the Asian community. I think the most offensive act that they commit with his character is the broken English because this makes them assume that everything he says is automatically funny because of the way he speaks.

I think that there is still a huge need for better representation of Asian Americans on television. This show is just another reason why and proof that they are currently not will represented in the media in our country.

Here is a link to one of the many articles that points out this issue and other one’s the show has: http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/bastard-machine/sorry-state-2-broke-girls-252579

 Here is a video from a scene in the show titled “You can’t tell Asians they made a mistake” which portrays perfectly the way the offensively portray the Asian race in the show “2 Broke Girls”. 

[animentality]

god I used to hate it when my classmates said "we can never take you to China cuz we'd lose you and you all look alike."

Or when they'd say "you and (the one other asian kid in our entire white class) are almost the same person."

Or when I had to go to special math help sessions and this fucking idiot named Bryan O who actually goes to the same fucking college as me used to make jokes about how I was "dishonoring my family."

Such a bunch of cunts.

You know what though, the worst joke is that my mom and brother used to make those jokes all the time too, and that was worse.

I'm adopted so my mother is white, and she didn't get that the jokes weren't funny to me, they just fucking sucked.

The "Asians all look alike" jokes were just such a fucking nag on my self esteem growing up because as I've said before.

I always wanted to be fucking white. Everything I saw in movies and TV shows, everything I read in books, all white people. If there were Asians, they were some terrible stereotypical "tech nerds" or people who spoke broken English and that's the joke.

I wore fucking pig tails for five years because every other white girl in my school wore pig tails and had parents oohing and ahhing over how cute they were in the Charlotte's Web play and i'd look at myself in the mirror and think "I don't have their doey eyes."

I remember at dinner once my brother was laying it real thick with asian jokes because we were talking about the old Godzilla movies and Tokyo in general. And I remember this clearly, my brother laughingly said that everyone in Japan is super short and they'd be able to find me easily if we ever went there and I got lost because they were tall enough to look over a crowd.

And then my mom said "yeah but he'd look like everyone else. We'd just have to take another one home."

And they laughed and laughed about that and I just grimaced and didn't respond.

But those fucking jokes really sting.

And now that I'm an adult and have more of a sense of self, they don't hurt as much and I can tell people off for their stupid ass unoriginal "I mistake every asian for you" jokes.

But it still fucking sucks now thinking about how when I was little, and one of the TWO Asians in an entire class (and the other girl fucking left after first grade), my own adopted family and all my friends felt the need to mention how "not special" I looked.

Just one of millions of Asians who all exist in a far off land somewhere, oh how hilarious. How does anyone know anyone, when they all look alike? Funny words! Lanterns and paper dragons. Dishonor on your family for a B. Good at math, except I was always bad at math.

God.

I hate thinking about this, and I usually don't, but sometimes it crops up in my thoughts and I think about how much I resent the people who made cheap jokes at my expense.

Now I know I'm better than every one of them, but it took 14 years to figure that out and get passed the feeling that everyone else was a part of a special community of individuals with faces you could identify.

Fourteen damn years.

At first you think it's something wrong with you.

Then you get defensive and say you can't do anything about it.

Then you say wait, even if I could, I wouldn't, because fuck them.

And then you say actually, fuck them harder because they're the ones who make it out to be something strange and foreign and undesirable.

And then you get to the point I'm at now, where I look back and regret all the years I ever felt bad for looking the way I do.