#stupid thing to be mad about that if I complain I sound crazy
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courtneydeservesbetter · 4 months ago
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I’m considering killing my little sister cuz out of nowhere she has decided to take the longest showers in the world at the exact time of day that i get back from my morning walk so i lose so much time out of my morning routine waiting outside of our only bathroom covered in sweat. She used to shower as soon as she woke up so that I was out on my walk while she was in the bathroom and by the time i got back it was free, but now for the past week she’ll lock the bathroom door (we always leave it open cuz this bathroom has a toilet and a tub so that multiple people can use the bathroom in case someone is already in there showering) and be in there almost at the exact second that I get back and I’m starting to think that it’s intentional
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mbat · 1 year ago
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dude its twice now that ive tried to play origins multiplayer minecraft servers that happen to be mandatory roleplay for some reason and its just wild that they like, want you to come up with a whole entire person before even playing, especially with worlds that feel... bare bones as fuck, from the information they give
like they give an origin story of the world and maybe like one or two sentences on the races or cultures, and then theyre like 'okay now give your character an entire in depth personality, backstory, family history, job, life goal, childhood dream, credit card number-'
like... with what info ?? with what basis??
the second one ive joined isnt as strict as the first one, seeing as i joined the minecraft server before i even realized there was character applications, and no one really paid me any mind at all or acknowledged me
but there was one i joined like 2 years ago that you had to get your application approved before gaining access to the server, and they direct you to their wiki for reading up on the world and stuff... but again, bare bones as fuck. and i exaggerated before slightly, but fully seriously they asked me 'oh, and where did your characters origin come from? their grandparents getting infected? how did they become this way' and its like. DUDE I DONT KNOW, WHO CARES. WHO WILL ASK ME THAT IN THE ROLEPLAY??? like where am i supposed to even get any of this shit from, the two paragraphs you typed about the world origin story??
i didnt finish the application because that was stupid and it wasnt worth it imo. shame, cause the custom origins were cool, but theres always other origins mods and servers
like... i guess other people work different from me, cause clearly these servers have people in them that somehow came up with functioning characters, but that aint me. if i make a character in a game, their personality and story comes to me while im playing, through their experiences and appearance and the choices im given in the world.
and also literally no one is ever going to fucking ask 'lol so how did your bloodline get mutated?'
#my post#mc#coming up with characters in video games is some of the most fun. like how ive been obsessed with my WoW characters lately ahghdhg#but i came up with those characters mostly through playing as them OR finding out about their racial history and culture through the game#or fuck. even through looking at the WoW wiki a bit for clarifications or even for information i otherwise couldnt get#and guess what! they actually describe things there! they have helpful information and go into detail about things!#they dont just go 'oh the gods got angry and now the world is a little funny silly'. they actually tell you the smaller things!!!!!!#im going to go nutso crazy#either the people making these servers dont have more in depth ideas about the worlds they want people to care about or#they just want to stay vague to be appealing or for all these different people to make more sense but its like#okay but at this point its literally. nothing. you made nothing. congratulations.#I FUCKING LOVE MAKING WORLDBUILDING OKAY IT MAKES ME MAD THAT THEY DO SO LITTLE AND EXPECT PEOPLE TO CARE#THE AMOUNT OF WORLDBUILDING IVE DONE. bitch i could make a roleplay server too. i wont for a few reasons though lol#no hate to the second server i mentioned. but like...hate to the first one. not hate as in send hate but hate as in i dont like them#like i want to tell them that they sound fucking stupid. but i wont#and of course i wont say names because that would be shitty but also i dont want them finding this and starting something#like im just complaining rn. not trying to start drama cause idgaf
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gublershrry · 3 months ago
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Every Move You Make • B.E.
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Summary: read pt 1 and 2 first!
Warnings: smut finally, all the warnings from other parts apply here
You and Billie had never been better.
Honestly, your entire life had never been better. Billie protected you, drove you everywhere, bought you everything, taught you stuff you would’ve never thought to learn. She was truthfully so caring, honest, and loving.
You really wanted to be her girlfriend.
When you came to this realization, you felt a twinge of guilt. You never really had a “break up” with your ex; you had discussed it a few nights before he died. When he had found your journal and read what you had been thinking about the relationship, he didn’t react very well. So you really don’t have the closure of that ending, but my God do you like Billie.
Honestly, you already love her.
You won’t tell her that, you can’t, because you now how stupid you sound. You aren’t even dating yet, and it definitely hasn’t been long enough for the “L word” to be used, but it felt right. You knew her, you trusted her, and she took care of you.
You had never felt safer with someone. Billie kept you safe.
And honestly, beyond your knowledge, technically she did.
I mean, I guess she wasn’t protecting you from the murderer themself, but Billie wasn’t gonna hurt you. God, no. She’d never even think about it. Everything she did was for you. She breathed for you, at this point. She thought about you constantly. You consumed her.
At this point, you had practically moved in with her. You couldn’t stand being alone, especially with all of these people disappearing in your town. It scared you, Billie knew it did. She almost felt bad. Almost. But she also knew that what she was doing was for the best. It’s what you needed.
So she wouldn’t stop. Especially if she’s not getting caught. Where’s the fun in that?
You had only complained once or twice about many people; your pest of a boss, your next door neighbor who you had a feeling would watch you change, your bitch of a friend who complained about her stealing all of your attention. There wasn’t really much for her to work with.
But Billie was getting antsy. She craved action. She wasn’t crazy, but the feeling of holding someone’s heart, physically holding it in her hand, it was unmatched.
You sat on her lap while she scrolled aimlessly on her laptop at her desk. She was supposed to be working, but your back was arched just perfectly enough for your spine to divot into your skin, and your sleep tank did nothing to hide it. A pair of her boxers were loose and low on your waist, and the thin fabric was doing nothing to hide the heat that was radiating onto her thigh. She could feel every part of you.
You watched her screen, looking at her computer mouse go in circles. You knew you were distracting her, you weren’t that naive. What you didn’t know is how she would react. You guys had kissed, and sure it got heated sometimes, but she never let it go too far. You didn’t understand why, and you were too afraid to ask.
You wiggle your hips, making yourself a bit more comfortable, and you hear Billie take a sharp inhale. She pats your hip twice, signaling you to get up. You obey.
“Are you okay?” She can tell you sound worried, but you have no real reason to be. You could never make her mad. To her, you’re a God. A real life angel. Perfection.
“Yeah, yeah of course. Follow me?” She smirks at you, and you feel yourself go weak. You nod and stay hot on her tail, following her to wherever she goes. She leads you into her bedroom, somewhere you’ve been many times, especially within the past couple of weeks. Your sleepovers seemed to be every night, and most were at her house. You even brought your cats over to Billie’s house, and she bought all new things for them: toys, litter boxes, food and water bowls. They (and you) were in heaven.
When you walk into her room, Billie quietly goes behind you to shut the door. You take a deep breath in, smelling her scent that lingers on everything. She walks back in front of you, sitting on the edge of the bed, her legs spread wide as she crosses her arms in front of her chest.
“I wanna talk to you about something.” She says seriously. You feel your heart speed up. You feel like you’re in trouble, but you can’t seem to think of anything you did.
“It’s not bad, sweetheart. Don’t hurt yourself overthinking it. Here, come here.” She smiles at you and pats her lap, silently willing you to straddle her on the bed. You do, and you feel her palm your ass to scoot you closer to her. You gulp and push your hair behind your ears, looking down into her eyes.
“You know I think you’re beautiful, right?”
You giggle. “Of course I do, Billie! Is that what you needed to say?”
She shakes her head, stifling laughter of her own.
“I’m nervous around you, and that never happens to me. I guess I just wanna make sure I’m as perfect to you as you are to me. That make sense?”
You sense the air getting thicker with tension, and she’s back to a serious tone.
“I’m confused, you are perfect to me. What’s going on?”
She sighs, pulling a strand of hair back in front of your ear, toying with it. She looks up at you, and it’s like her eyes had gone dark. Her voice goes quiet, and she whispers like what she has to say might break the room if she says it too loud.
“I really, really want to fuck you, baby. But I don’t wanna pressure you. It’s just, it’s eating me alive.”
You feel your skin get hot and your cheeks flush with the deepest shade of pink. Your head spins and suddenly you’re hyperaware of every touch she’s giving you right now.
“Billie…”
“I know. I know and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything, it’s just so hard when you-”
You cut her off, grabbing her jaw gently.
“Billie, I want that.”
Immediately her mouth snaps shut, and she looks up at you with the most intense eye contact.
“You want what?”
You feel yourself shy away, too embarrassed to say what you meant. It’s hard to really say it, and you don’t want to look stupid.
“Say it, angel. Say what you want.” Her voice is sultry and raspy and driving you all sorts of wild.
“I want you to make me feel good. I want you to fuck me.”
Her tongue slides out between her lips, wetting them.
“You mean it?”
You nod.
“Words.”
“Yes, Billie. I mean it.”
And there was the shift.
She grabs the sides of your face, pulling you in for the most aggressive yet gentle kiss of your life. Her lips pillow against yours, and you feel pure ecstasy running in your veins. Subconsciously, you grind your hips, making you moan into her mouth. She softly nibbles on your bottom lip before pulling away, sliding her hands down to your hips. She watches as she pulls your hips, guiding them to grind on her thigh. She watches your face, your sweet, innocent face, contort with pleasure as she speeds up and slows down, driving you wild.
“If I’d known you wanted this too, I wouldn’t have waited so long.” She rasps.
You can’t speak. Your brain is foggy and your vision is blurry. All you can think of is the way that the rough material of her pants and the boxers you’re clad in feel against your clit.
“Go on, sweetheart. Get yourself off on my thigh.”
And you did, with the help of her hands guiding your hips. You came quickly, soaking your boxers and her leg. Your sweet moans filled her ears, swelling her heart and filling her head of the dirtiest thoughts.
“I was dreaming,” Billie starts, kissing your neck as you slow your pace, coming down from your high, her voice sweet as honey, “dreaming of you wrapped around my waist,” she kisses back up your neck, to your jaw and ear and cheek, back to your lips, “your legs wrapped all on me while I fuck you real nice.”
A soft sigh leaves your lips, and you feel yourself clench around nothing as her hands wander down your torso to your thighs.
“I think,” you whisper, breathless and so needy, “I can make your dreams come true.”
And boy, did you make them come true alright. You straddled her as she picked you up, turning you both around so your back was on the bed, and she gently kissed down your body. She carefully rid you of your shirt, but left on your bra as she made your way back down, kissing every inch of your warm skin.
“So fuckin’ pretty.” She murmured against your lower stomach, making you gasp from the vibrations. You uncrossed your legs from her body and picked your hips up so she could pull off the boxers.
“Do- do you think I can leave the underwear on?” Your voice was dripping with nervousness until Billie smiled softly, looking up at you.
“Whatever you want, baby. ‘S up to you.”
And it was. It always was. Her entire life was up to you, at this point. You unknowingly controlled her every thought, every action, everything she was. She pulled your underwear to the side, salivating at your gorgeousness.
“Been hiding this pretty little thing from me for so long, hm?” She smirks, watching you wiggle your hips in desperation. “You were gonna keep it from me ‘til I told you how bad I needed it?”
You nod, unable to think straight. She chuckles at you before dragging her finger up your folds, collecting your arousal that had been growing for what seemed like ages.
“Taste so fuckin’ sweet too.”
That’s the last thing you hear before your head goes blank and her fingers work veraciously on your nerves, not stopping until you reach your climax. She watches you wriggle underneath her as she slides her index finger inside of you, thumbing your clit with the same hand, and using the other to put pressure on your lower stomach.
“God, you’re so tight.” You hear her whisper over your moans, so close to cumming right then and there. Her fingers work expertly inside and on you, and she uses her plush lips to leave little pecks on your inner thighs. She watches you come undone, watches your sweet juices flood her fingers, only barely using her tongue to lap them up, not wanting to overstimulate you already. As you calm down, she slowly pulls her fingers out before bringing them to your own mouth, letting you taste yourself on her. Both of you moan at that, Billie’s eyes widening as you sucked her fingers expertly, and you could tell you were in for a long, long time.
Until you remember you had made plans with some friends to catch a movie at 7pm. And when you turn your head to the clock on the nightstand, reading 6:32, you look up at her with a look in your eyes she could read immediately.
“You okay?” She asks anxiously, not wanting to push you. You sit up, kissing her lips quickly, before sliding off the bed and searching for your clothes.
“I told Angela and Becca I’d meet them at the movies at 7. I’m so sorry, I totally forgot, please please don’t be mad!”
How could Billie be mad? She looked into your innocent eyes, smiling as she wipes her fingers on her pants.
“Could never be mad at you, sweet girl. You want clothes to wear? Sweats or something?”
You nod as she digs through her drawers, tossing a pair of sweatpants and a matching hoodie out toward you. As you slide them on, she kisses your head and goes down to your ear.
“Next time, I’m not letting you off so easily, though.”
You laugh, nudging her away.
“I wish I didn’t have to leave, I’m sorry. I really am. I promise I’ll make it up to you.” You smirk, and she bites her lip.
“I’ll be counting on it.”
She walks you to the door, seeing you off to your house, before shutting it, locking it, and walking into the kitchen, washing her hands and splashing her face with water, trying to rid her thoughts of you writhing underneath her.
She makes her way to the basement door, unlocking it with a key she kept in her pocket at all times, and flicks on the light, immediately hearing muffled whimpers. The stairs creak with each step she takes, and as she makes it to the bottom, she doesn’t even look at the bitch tied up in the chair before putting on her gloves and grabbing a knife, hitting the ‘Play’ button on her speaker. Music booms through the basement, rock this time, as she makes her way over to her next victim.
Billie rips the tape off of her mouth, and screams fill the room.
“Dumb bitch, you think I’d take this off if anyone could hear you scream?”
The look in the girl’s eyes only fueled Billie’s hunger.
“Wh- why are you doing this to me?” She forced out through sobs, her voice almost gone from screaming.
“‘Cause you’re a bitch, and bitches deserve to die.”
Billie smiles as she does it, singing to herself as she carves away, only dreading the mess she’ll have to clean up after.
And two weeks later, when the house next door to you was on the market again, you didn’t even blink an eyelid, just happy that the creep of a neighbor was overpowered by the one you loved just across the street.
Although, to you, you were just happy that the neighbor had “moved away.”
————————————————————————————
I promise I’m not crazy! Psycho!billie is tho
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ckret2 · 1 year ago
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Chapter 34 of human Bill Cipher not making friends with Stan during his imprisonment in the Mystery Shack, featuring: the tooth fairy and her dentist attempting to steal Bill's teeth in the middle of the night. Stan would care a lot less if he weren't still handcuffed to Bill. And also: Stan and Bill have a friendly chat. As you can see.
####
Even though Bill and Stan were trying to watch the same TV as they had dinner, Bill refused to sit in the living room with Stan; so he sat on the bottom step of the stairs in the entryway, Stan perched on the end of the couch, and they strung the handcuffs around the doorway with their little plastic microwave dinner trays balanced on their knees.
Both of their dinners had come out undercooked. Both of them were too proud to complain.
After picking through maybe a third of his meal, Bill decided he'd rather go to bed hungry than eat something he didn't enjoy, dropped his tray on the floor, and kicked it into the kitchen. "Hey Stanley, still glad you went with the cuffs instead of the bracelets?"
"Shut up."
Bill smirked victoriously, and looked back to the TV. "No mayonnaise in Ireland."
"What?"
Bill pointed at the screen and the rows of blank letters waiting for contestants to fill them in. "The round that just started. That's the solution."
"Oh." Stan counted out all the blank letters, frowned, and said unconfidently, "It can't be that. It doesn't make any sense."
"You're wrong," Bill said lightly; and then fell silent, running the tip of his tongue over the new gold spots on his teeth. 
When the contestants had guessed enough letters that one could hesitantly offer, "Is it... 'no mayonnaise in Ireland'?" Bill smirked triumphantly at the sound of Stan's silence. He just barely waited until the next board of blank letters flashed on the screen, and then announced, "Tip your waiter."
Stan counted the letters under his breath. "Man. I thought I was good at this, but we'd clean up if we put you on this show. No one would ever figure out how you're cheating."
Bill laughed. "Listen to you! If you were Ford, you'd just be mad that I'm giving away all the answers before you can guess. That's the great thing about you, Stanley: you don't get irritated at me for stupid little reasons. You're more fun." He took a deep breath and shouted, "Hey Ford, did you hear that?! Stan's the fun twin—!"
"Keep it down, you idiot. Ford's in the basement, he can't hear you." Stan had thought Bill was finally sobering up from the sedative; maybe not. (Then again, maybe this was just what he was like sober.) "And what are you talking about? You irritate me all the time!"
"Oh, well, I guess I just don't care when you're irritated." Bill laughed.
Stan grumbled, planted his chin in his hand, and tried to focus on Cash Wheel. It was difficult when he already knew the solution.
He tolerated the silence for less than a minute before sighing, looking toward the doorway, and demanding, "What's with you, anyway? Why are you so obsessed with my brother?"
Bill spluttered in disbelief. Stan could feel his handcuff chain jerk over. Voice even shriller than usual, Bill said, "Excuse m—Excuse me?! Obsessed? Moi?! I don't know what you're talking about!" He forced a loud laugh.
"If Ford's in the room, he's the only one you talk to, and when he isn't here you're yelling across the house for him—"
"Is it obsession to sometimes pay a little more attention to the human here I happen to know best and to whom I happen to be a teacher, muse, and friend—"
"Oh that's a load of bull," Stan snapped, "you're not any of those things! Friend? Friend? He wants you dead, you crazy—"
"Well if he does," Bill said, louder still, "then wouldn't it make perfect sense to keep my eye on the guy who killed me? There's no big mystery—"
"That's it! That's just it!" Stan tossed down his TV dinner and stood so he could face Bill properly. "He didn't kill you alone, remember? That was a two-man con you fell for! But you keep talking like Ford was the only one there!"
Without bothering to stand, Bill looked up at Stan and said, quite confidently, "Only one person killed me. You're just the place where I was killed."
"I wh...?" Stan fell silent, blinking at Bill in disbelief.
"Do you even remember what happened inside your brain? After you took my hand?" Bill asked. "You don't, do you?"
Stan glowered at Bill, but he shut his mouth and said nothing.
"I knew it." Bill laughed nastily. "We were both trapped in there when Fordsy fired the gun. Completely powerless. You were weeping and begging for a way out when the flames got too close, but there was nothing I could do by then—"
"All right," Stan took a threatening step closer, "I know that that didn't happen! I would never—"
Bill leaned back, hands raised palm out in appeasement, "Okay okay okay! All right, you got me—just embellishing the story a little—we actually had a big psychic laser battle. Imagined up all kinds of futuristic weapons. It was very 90's action movie. You did... fine, you were fine."
Stan considered that. "Ehh... sure, that sounds more like me."
"But it was all imaginary," Bill snapped. "It was a vast illusion! At that point there was nothing either of us could do to the other. We were just two victims locked inside a burning house as it came down around us. You didn't kill me, you never even had the power to kill me."
"Huh." That was all Stan said. But he kept looking at Bill, frowning distrustfully, studying him.
Bill's shoulders slowly went up under the pressure of Stan's gaze. "Oh—oh wow, okay, I see what's going on!" He gave Stan a crooked, mean smile. "You're jealous, aren't you? You thought offering up your body to be the scene of a murder finally made you a co-star instead of a sidekick! All your lives, Stanford got more attention from daddy, more attention from the teachers, more attention from the whole world... and you thought you'd finally get at least a little attention from the big bad living nightmare. Just because you let your brother shoot you in the head!" Bill laughed. "You weren't special enough for anyone else—why do you think you're special enough for me?"
Stan jerked Bill to his feet by the handcuff's chain. "I bet I'm special enough to break your face!" He dragged him into the living room, fist raised. "Let's see if you stay down this time—"
Bill scrambled back as far as the chain allowed him. "NO!" Horror filled the one ragged syllable. His free arm was raised to shield his terrified eye.
They froze, staring at each other.
Bill straightened up, forcing a nervous, rattled laugh. "Come on, I just got all this dental work done. At least give me a couple days to enjoy it before you pound it in!" He was talking fast to fill the silence. "Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind having a flatter face, all these bones and cartilage jutting out never did feel right—"
Stan feigned a punch.
Bill flinched.
Stan laughed at him, slapping his knee. "You big chicken! Look at you! Baw-baaawk-bgawk! HA!"
Bill tried, very hard, to explode Stan with his brain. This usually worked on people who dared try to insult Bill Cipher. "If I had one billionth of a billionth of my power, I'd have already destroyed you—!"
"But you don't, sucker!" Stan laughed louder.
Bill screamed in frustration, turned his back on Stan, and stomped upstairs to sulk.
Or, he would have, if he hadn't gotten one step up the stairs before the handcuffs yanked tight. He stumbled back, landed on his butt, and inadvertently jerked Stan down on one knee with a yelp.
Bill cast a resentful look at Stan—who was rubbing his shoulder and finally looking as irritated as Bill felt—and then he lay down and deliberately stared straight at the ceiling. "Whatever. I don't even care about your pointless mammal posturing. It's fine. It doesn't bother me. I'm calm. You're just making yourself look stupid." Bill shut his eyes. "I wanna go to bed."
####
"Bill," Ford said.
Bill cracked open an eye and peered up at the form looming over his makeshift cushion bed. "Mrm?"
In a very calm voice that suggested he was not calm at all, Ford asked, "Why are you sleeping on the floor in front of my bedroom door."
"Oh. Right, you missed it." Bill yawned and sat up. "Well, you see, Stanley got us handcuffed together until tomorrow morning," he pointed at his cuffed wrist and rattled the chain, "and I tried to be accommodating, but he doesn't want to sleep in the attic and won't let me sleep in the guest room—"
Stan yelled through the door, "And Mr. Accommodating here still refuses to sleep on the sofa bed."
"—so the best compromise we've got is sleeping on the floor with the chain under the door. Not my idea of a fun evening, but." Bill shrugged ruefully, like an adult resigned to indulging the whims of a petulant child. "Do you want in? It'll take us a little coordination to get the door open, but we've already done this once, so—"
"I'm not messing with this," Ford said. "I'm sleeping in the basement. Good night, Stanley."
"Night, Ford."
Trying not to sound miffed at being snubbed, Bill said, "Hey, do you still keep your cot on that rug you used to channel me better?" He laughed.
"Nope. I burned that rug." Ford turned the corner and left.
Bill stuck his tongue out at his back. He didn't actually know whether Ford was lying. He wished he'd thought to check out Ford's study before heading down to the portal back when he'd had his time tape.
"Hey." He rapped on the bedroom door. "I thought we weren't asking Sixer for help so he wouldn't find out about the handcuffs." They hadn't actually discussed it, but he'd taken it for granted. "Now that he knows, why aren't we getting his help?"
"What, you think I need his help to solve all my problems? Ha!"
"Okay, fine. Doesn't matter to me, I'm used to sleeping on the floor." Bill lay back down and sighed.
He shut his eyes and tried to go back to sleep.
####
Bill wasn't quite dreaming, but for a few seconds it was something very close to a dream. He saw points of light in darkness. One of his earliest, oldest memories. He'd memorized the constellations outside of his plain when his starblind species didn't even have a word for "constellations."
But these weren't those points of light in darkness. Some nearer, some farther—he could sense their distance—and all of the lights were calling to him. All of his eyes. He could see so many more than he had last night.
One was just a few inches away. He could almost reach out and grab it. 
But those few seconds of light-in-darkness were in the gray twilight between the dreamscape and the physical world, and Bill only fleetingly glimpsed them as he passed from sleep back to wakefulness. He opened his eyes.
To see a person looming over him.
And the taste of thick metal tools in his mouth.
"Hi," Bill said, for lack of anything better to say under these circumstances.
It was enough to make Dr. Illing gasp and stumble back from Bill. "Jeez." He clapped a hand over his heart. "I'm sorry— I-I didn't want to—"
"Uh-huh." Bill sat up and took the abandoned tool out of his mouth—pliers. They'd been gently clamped around one of his canine teeth. "Not the most unpleasant thing I've had aimed at my face in the middle of the night," Bill mused, "but it's pretty high on the list." He tried to lift his other hand to feel his face for damage—and only remembered the handcuff when the rattling chain caught his wrist in place.
They both looked at the cuff. As Dr. Illing realized Bill was trapped, a change came over his face—a desperate, crazed fury.
Bill shook his head. "Ohhh, no no no—"
"Give me that!" Dr. Illing lunged for Bill, one hand reaching toward the pliers and the other toward his throat, trying to pin him against the door.
Bill shoved his feet in Dr. Illing's chest, trying to hold him back. "Stanley!" He pounded on the door with the pliers. "We have visitors, wake up!"
"It'll only take a second," Dr. Illing insisted. "You were going to give me one anyway! And that tooth is already loose! You can handle the pain! Just—hold still, I can't damage it!" He managed to get his thumb in Bill's mouth—he cringed when Bill bit down, but didn't back off—and pulled a fresh set of pliers out of his tool bag.
Bill parried the pliers with his own pair. "STAAAN—"
The door unlatched and Bill tumbled backward into the room. He twisted out of the dentist's way, slid the handcuff chain out from under the door, and skittered behind Stan.
"Wha—what's—?" Stan squinted into the dark hallway. "The heck's going on?"
Bill stretched to Stan's nightstand and grabbed up his glasses and hearing aids. "Put your face on!" He shoved them in Stan's hands, then reached back for his dentures.
Stan put his glasses on first. "What the— Illing? What are you doing here?"
Dr. Illing stood forlorn in the hallway, trembling all over, eyeing Stan nervously. "Uhhh," he said eloquently. "I just..." He gestured around Stan's shoulder toward Bill, "wanted to check her fillings. I thought one of them might be a little loose—"
Bill's cackle cut through his excuses. "Oh, come on! I know your boss put you up to this! What does the little lady want with my mouth?"
Dr. Illing's eyes widened. All he managed to produce was a squeak.
Stan said, "What 'little lady,' this guy's self-employed. What are you talking about—"
"The tooth fairy, genius!" Bill flung his free hand in the air. "Why did you think your dentist pays you to pull your teeth! He lives in a van, who'd you think was funding him?!"
"Uh," Stan said. "You know, I sort of just took his whole 'creepy sadist who bribes people to let him pull their teeth' shtick at face value." (Dr. Illing's shoulders slumped.) "But—I know things are weird around here, but the tooth fairy's gotta be fake, right? That's the stupidest..."
A fairy popped out of Dr. Illing's bag—just large enough to use an adult man's hand like a chair, with a bob cut so white it almost shone, giving off a glowing toothpaste-blue aura, wearing a necklace of baby teeth like a hunter who'd taken trophies from the bones of her kills.
"Oh," Stan said. "Well. Never mind. Just one more crazy thing in this town."
Bill's back went stiff, his eyes widened, and he curled his fists into the fabric of Stan's tank top like he was holding his shield in place. "Oh, she's here." He lisped an inhuman swear under his breath.
Ignoring them, the tooth fairy glowered up at Dr. Illing. "How did they know? What did you tell them!"
"Nothing!" he protested. "I swear! I'd never!"
"Well, you must have let something slip—"
Bill swallowed hard; but then he straightened up, let go, and stepped into the open. "Why, if it isn't Miss Pearl E. White, in the fae flesh! To what do I owe such an honor?"
Dr. Illing and the fairy both flinched. She asked, "How do you know my...?"
"Oh, Pearl. I know things you couldn't even��dream of." Bill favored her with his best, widest, most unnerving grin.
And got the creeping sense that she'd stopped looking at his face, and started staring at his teeth. He pressed his lips together. "And here's just one thing I know: lady, if you were toeing the line of your treaty any harder, you'd be tripping across it. So tell me what you're doing here and what you want."
She huffed defensively, wings buzzing as they lifted her several inches in the air. "I'm well within the terms of the treaty! I haven't laid a hand on you and I'm not about to start, and I've been offering more than adequate financial compensation—"
"Oh, right," Bill laughed, "I'm sure the queen of your court would be thrilled to hear you ordered your legally-dubious helper to rip out someone's teeth in the dead of night—"
"Hi," Stan said, "question. What the hey are you guys talking about. Treaties? Queens?"
"Oh, this is all going over your head, isn't it! I'll catch you up." He turned to the side to point accusingly at Pearl, "Little miss enamel-happy here has a thing for teeth. To the extent that she started stealing them straight out of humans' mouths. She went so crazy that the local human settlements actually declared war on her court over her dental kleptomania—and the fairies she dragged into the conflict weren't any happier about it than the humans were. So now, under the conditions of a human-fairy peace treaty, she's only allowed to acquire already freed teeth that are voluntarily offered to her by their owners—which is why she started bribing children."
Pearl crossed her arms, fuming. "That's a very biased version of events. You're just trying to paint me in the worst possible—"
"Save it, sparkles! I woke up with your minion's pliers in my mouth, I'll be as biased as I want!" He shifted his attention to Dr. Illing—who seemed to wilt under the force of Bill's glare. "But she's getting deep in a gray area working with this guy. Once a tooth is handed to a dentist, he's its 'owner,' and can freely give that tooth to the tooth fairy—but him extracting the tooth puts the whole operation on shaky legal ground. Really, I think the only reason you've gotten away with this racket so long is because nobody's filed a legal challenge with the fairy court yet."
"Nobody's complained about it," Pearl said hotly.
"None of your victims know about it," Bill countered. "Hey Fisherman," he jabbed Stan's arm, "how do you feel knowing your teeth were sacrificed to the tooth fairy?"
He considered that. "Well—it was free."
Pearl crowed, "Ha!"
Ignoring Stan's reply, Bill blithely moved on: "But by any reading of the treaty, hiring a human to steal teeth straight out of someone's mouth is beyond the pale. So you'd better have a good explanation for this!"
"Yeah. I do have a good explanation." She sucked in a deep breath. "I want your teeth!" She launched herself toward Bill; Dr. Illing had to grab her around the waist to hold her back. "I'd do anything for those teeth! They're the most amazing teeth I've ever seen!" She clawed at the air, hissing and straining as she tried to reach Bill.
"My lady, please," Dr. Illing said pathetically. "The treaty—"
She aimed a swipe at his face. "I know about the stupid treaty!"
Bill stared at her, baffled. His perfectly normal human teeth? But he shook his head, smiled, and said, "Well okay, fantastic! It's been a while since I've bargained with the fae, but I'm not too attached to this body—so how much gold do you have on you, kid?"
"We're not bargaining. You already know too much," Pearl snapped. "I'm not about to get blackmailed by a human, and I'm not going back to fairy jail. So here's what's happening." She jerked a thumb over her shoulder toward Dr. Illing. "I'm gonna have my guy rip out every one of your teeth, and then rip your head apart so you can't talk, and the only negotiating you get to do is whether or not my guy uses the local anesthetic before he starts. So what's it gonna be?"
Dr. Illing went deathly pale and his knees shook as he verged on fainting.
"Hey," Stan waved at the fairy, "listen, I'd love to see this guy's head get ripped apart, but—crazy thing, long story—it turns out there's fifty-fifty odds that killing him could end the world. So, maybe let's talk this out—?"
Pearl gestured dismissively at Stan. "His mouth has nothing left of interest to me. He's a witness. Kill him, too."
Dr. Illing swallowed hard; but, with trembling hand, he reached into his tool bag and slowly pulled out a large power drill that definitely wasn't designed for teeth.
"Right," Bill said. "Okay. This'll be fun." If he said it convincingly enough, maybe it would be true. "Hey, Fisher—you know that spell Sixer's got on me? If I cast it on Frankie here, can you..."
"Yeah, I see where you're going."
Pearl's eyes narrowed. She pounded her tiny fist on Dr. Illing's finger. "Hurry up, before they—"
Before she could issue a warning, Stan charged at them, fist raised. Dr. Illing flinched, shielding his face with the drill; but Stan dodged around him, heading for the hall. Bill seized Dr. Illing's upper arm as he passed—"Amnesia Limina, Stupidi Digiti, Occultus Locus!"—and then Stan yanked Bill out into the hall by their chain and slammed the bedroom door.
Dr. Illing gasped. "What?"
Blue light radiated through the cracks around the door as Pearl darted around, shrieking, "Open the door, you idiot!"
There was a moment of futile scrabbling. "How?!"
Bill and Stan retreated to the entryway. Bill said, "If we get outside, we can lose 'em."
"Or get the car and run them over," Stan said.
"You don't wanna be the guy who kills the tooth fairy! She might be in the doghouse, but she's still old fae nobility. Her court would—"
Bill cut off as Stan opened the door. Instead of leading to the porch and the forest beyond, it now opened into a bone-colored cathedral, the arches and vaulted ceilings constructed out of what looked like small irregular pebbles: teeth.
Stan gaped at the vast chamber. "Where the heck...?"
Bill looked at what had once been the outside of the door; the numbers "13 / 32" were carved into the wood. "Nowhere we want to go! Shut it!"
Stan slammed the door.
"That explains how she got in," Bill muttered. "There's no time to un-enchant this exit, we'll need another one."
Stan pointed toward the living room. "We can go out the—"
"The floor room exit." Bill dragged Stan back toward the hallway they'd just left.
"What?! That's the other end of the house, you idiot, the gift shop's right through here!"
"But it's a straight shot down the hall—" Bill stumbled to a stop.
The tooth fairy was clawing her way out from under the bedroom door. She caught sight of Bill, and her wings raised in a sharp V like a wasp preparing to attack. "You!"
"Never mind."
Stan dragged Bill back toward the living room. "Now can we go—"
Bill saw the living room—that familiar dark room, the familiar walls and carpet, the familiar armchair facing the doorway as though welcoming him back, the pale blue light from the fish tank climbing the walls like flames—and Stanley Pines, dragging Bill by a chain toward this tomb—and he grabbed on to the staircase railing. "Up."
Stan jerked to a stop. "That's a dead end!" He tried again to pull Bill toward the living room. "Are you insane?!"
"Yes." Bill locked his hand around the railing like a corpse in rigor mortis. He'd break his fingers before he let go. "We're going up."
"We are not—"
The tooth fairy shot past them like a glowing blue bullet, streaking into the kitchen. Stan started, and Bill took the opportunity to drag them up the stairs. Stan finally followed.
"You're not getting out of here with my teeth!" Pearl screamed after them.
"Ignore her," Bill muttered, "she can't risk touching us and she knows it. She's powerless without her minion." He stumbled on a step and just kept climbing on all fours.
"I wouldn't bet on her self control!" Stan struggled to keep up, his cuffed wrist in the lead. "Why are we going this way? How do you expect to get out from the attic?!"
"I don't know! It just seemed like a better idea! Do I have to think of everything?!"
"This was your plan!"
"There's got to be a ladder in the storage over the kids' room, we can get down out a window."
"I don't keep ladders—!"
"Well maybe Jesús does, do you know everything in the attic?! Come on!"
Bill kicked the door to the kids' room until Stan opened it. After a short argument about who should climb to the storage loft ("I have to look, you can't see in the dark!" "And you can?! Since when!" "Since always! You didn't need to know!"), Bill scrambled up the makeshift rungs nailed to the wall while Stan climbed halfway up to give the handcuffs a little slack.
As Bill started searching for anything useful, Pearl's ranting filled the shack: "Those teeth are too good for you!"
"I think she's getting closer," Stan said. "Find anything?"
"Not yet." Bill pulled out a broken umbrella with a hooked handle. He clung to it like it was his only defense as he scanned the loft for any signs of a ladder.
Pearl went on, "They're the most beautiful, pristine, unblemished, perfect teeth I've ever seen in my life!"
Bill asked, "Are they really that great?" He'd never paid that close attention.
"Eh..." Stan shrugged and made a so-so gesture with one hand. "A little weird-looking, honestly. They've got those jagged bits in the front that make 'em look like kids' teeth?"
"Huh."
"They're pure," Pearl snarled. "I've never seen adult teeth so pure! And you're ruining them by drilling out chunks of perfect enamel for unnecessary fillings! You don't have the right to those teeth! I deserve them!"
"Hey Bill," Stan said. "So you knew my dentist works for the tooth fairy, right?"
Bill was dragging aside a large box to see if anything ladder-like was hiding behind it. "Yes."
"And you knew she goes crazy for nice teeth."
"Yes." No ladder; he moved to another stack of boxes.
"And it didn't occur to you that she'd be furious that you carved up your new teeth."
"It's in the past, Stanley! Focus on the present!"
"—and I don't even know how you got magic teeth," Pearl continued. "Fully adult teeth in a fully adult mouth, but somehow they're barely a month old! It's impossible! I could barely believe it myself until I saw your mouth with my own two eyes! I must have those teeth, as soon as possible, so I can preserve them exactly like this, who knows if I'll ever find such a novelty again—"
"Ahh, so that's it," Bill said. "Welp, nope, didn't see that one coming at all."
"She's been shouting a while without actually coming after us," Stan pointed out. "What's she up to?"
Bill paused. "Check." He lay down and stretched his cuffed arm down from the loft to give Stan enough slack to peer out the bedroom door.
Stan frowned. "Huh. Weird."
"She's upstairs?"
"Yeah. But she's just flying in a circle. With... I think a veggie container from the fridge?"
Bill sucked in a breath. "Do we have mushrooms?"
"Wh—yeah? How'd you..."
"What!" Bill half-climbed half-fell to the attic floor. "That little cheater's making a fairy ring! That's not fair!" He leaned out the door with Stan. "She's probably already made the matching ring downstairs. We have to destroy it before—"
The circle of chopped portobello mushrooms glowed white; and with a glittery puff, Dr. Illing appeared in the ring.  He coughed out a lungful of fairy dust.
Pearl pointed at Stan and Bill and screamed, "Get them!" With a murderous scowl and terrified eyes, Dr. Illing stared them down and revved his drill.
Stan yanked Bill back into the bedroom and slammed the door.
Dr. Illing whined. "Aw, f—again?!"
"Just break through it!" Pearl commanded. "It's just wood! You have power tools!"
"He can't do that," Bill said confidently. "Doors don't work like that."
Stan said, "He can do that." A power tool whine announced Dr. Illing beginning his assault on the door.
"Oh." Bill considered that, eyes scanning the bedroom from one side to the other, mouth set in a grim line. "I have an idea." He pointed toward the window with his umbrella. "Stan, open the window." He hooked the umbrella over his elbow as he ripped the bedsheets off Dipper's bed and started tying the corners together.
Stan shook his head in disbelief. "You don't really expect us to climb out that window on bedsheets, do you?"
Bill dragged Stan closer and murmured in his ear, just quiet enough that their assailants wouldn't hear him over the power drill, "No, I expect them to think we climbed out the window, while we hide in the closet in the alcove. Once they're past us to check the window, we can sneak out and run downstairs."
"I don't like hiding like cowards instead of fighting. Illing's rickety, we can take him."
Bill kept tying bedsheets. He picked up Dipper's zodiac blanket, flinched, and tossed it to the floor on the other side of Dipper's bed rather than add it to his chain. "Funny—you didn't seem to have any problem hiding for a week while I had your brother prisoner."
Stan grabbed Bill by the shirt, dragging him closer. "You wanna say that again?"
Bill's hands shot up next to his face in surrender. "Sorry, sorry, sorry—"
"There were people in this shack I wanted to keep safe," Stan growled. "I'm not half as fond of you."
"Got it," Bill squeaked. He pointed toward Mabel's bed. "But I can see a dozen futures that end with our brains splattered across Mabel's dolls. I do not want to fight power tools."
There was a crack as the drill flung the first few splinters of wood free from the door. Stan's scowl deepened, but he let go of Bill and nodded.
They tied the bedsheet rope to a table leg, opened the window, and flung the rope out the window; then retreated into the alcove at the other end of the room, pulled shut the ragged curtain that hid it, and closed themselves in the closet to wait for the tooth fairy and Dr. Illing to break in.
####
(Thanks for reading!! If y'all enjoyed, I'd love to hear what y'all think! Next week we conclude both with the tooth fairy and with whatever the heck is going on between Stan & Bill.)
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rebouks · 11 months ago
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[Brodie flicked through the mail, instantly recognising the scrawling handwriting of a certain redheaded little boy. Scaring a few birds in the process, he bellowed up the stairs: ALEEEEX!] Alex: [breathless] Is it for me?! Brodie: Nah, but I could do with some help carrying this super heavy envelope upstairs. Alex: Who do you think you are, Johnny Zest? Brodie: I’m better than that guy, c’mon…
… Hi Alex! Sorry it’s taken me so long to reply to you, I promise I didn’t forget! I guess I just didn’t really know what to say cos I’ve sorta not felt like myself recently. My mom says I disappear into my own world sometimes so I sorta did that again and found it hard to think of anything fun to say. I don’t think I’d mind if you wrote to me about the less fun parts of your life though n’ my dad says you shouldn’t really keep everything to yourself all the time cos it ends up hurting so I thought I’d write anyway n’ just force myself not to worry about being boring or whatever. Your letters and your life always sound so exciting compared to mine though so sometimes it’s hard not to!!
I got in a fight at school which sounds like it should be an exciting story, but it wasn’t really. There’s this kid called Levi in my class that always picks on me (don’t worry though, I don’t care about that) and I couldn’t be bothered listening to him anymore so I hit him a couple times, I thought he’d hit me back but he just freaked out so I sorta felt bad about it afterward. He still makes fun of me but he doesn’t get up in my face as much so that’s a plus. Who says violence doesn’t solve anything? Hahaha I’m kidding! It wasn’t nice of me but maybe he should know better than to push people around so much.
I’m looking forward to summer so I can wander off a bit more and maybe it won’t rain so much! My mom doesn’t really like it when I go too far but as long as I’m back before curfew she tries not to freak out about it which is nice of her cos she knows I like to explore n’ stuff. I shouldn’t complain about my family cos I love them n’ stuff but I like being on my own sometimes and it’d be nice to have a bit of peace now n’ then. I’ve got SUPER good hearing so it’s hard to find anywhere quiet in my house, especially cos there’s always something crazy going on. My aunt Alma is sorta similar to me so she’s been helping me block out the noise with this meditation sorta thing, I guess it’s hard to explain but it’s not as lame as it sounds, it’s kinda fun to see how long you can stay in your own brain without people interrupting you. That probably sounds really weird but maybe you sorta get what I mean?
I finally have a treehouse now too!! It reminds me of your watchtower in some ways, but I guess it’s no way cooler than that, even though I know you’re bored of it by now. I wish we could hang out in it together cos it’s super awesome! Mom n’ dad don’t really bother me when I’m up there n’ my brother n’ sisters can’t manage the ladder yet so it’s all mine! It’s right at the bottom of the garden and looks out over the whole Bay too! Mom said she might let me sleep in it once it gets a bit warmer! It’d be cool falling asleep to the sound of the waves.. I hope it doesn’t end up making me need to pee all night though haha!!
Wren’s been obsessed with watching me play on the computer recently and I keep tryna teach her how to play herself but her little fingers can’t really reach all the buttons on the keyboard too well and she gets stupid mad when she dies so she just makes me play instead. She’d kick me if I told anyone but she’s a bit scared of some of the monsters too lol!! Mom told me I shouldn’t let her watch those ones but they’re the only ones she WANTS to watch and she jumps all over me until I give in so idk what they expect me to do other than lock her in the pantry, but I got told off for that so I guess I shouldn’t do that again haha (Wren thought it was funny though so it’s all good!) It’s a shame you don’t have a computer in the tower otherwise we could play together! Jude n’ Jacob aren’t really into that sorta thing so I usually just play on my own. Do you have a computer back home??
Oh! I got another badge for my swimming lessons too! I’ve almost got em all now which is neat but I sorta wanna avoid getting the last ones cos anyone that gets them all or has good attendance n’ whatever get an award at the end of the school year. They save em all up to give out at some stupid last year disco thing they put on before summer for the last year kids n’ it’d be so cringe to get called out in front of everyone like that. Some people think it’s gonna be amazing like my friend Jude, but I’d rather not go at all. Mom n’ dad keep saying it’ll be fun n’ everyone else is excited about it too but how fun could something be if you’re technically at SCHOOL? Bleh! I know you said you hate it sometimes, but being homeschooled sounds awesome to me lol.
I keep tryna bug my parents to go camping again so we could maybe see each other but they won’t take me out of school for a holiday n’ dad’s too busy with some work project so I guess we’ll have to keep writing to each other instead! Maybe if I keep annoying them about it we can come back in the summer! I hope so anyway but I guess I don’t wanna piss em off TOO much just in case my plan backfires or something.
I still feel really bad about not writing sooner but my dad said better late than never so hopefully you’re not too upset with me! I’ll try my best to write faster next time so you don’t have to wait as long. I’m looking forward to hearing about everything you’ve been up to!! Love Robin c: ps. my dad’s friend finally helped me fix that old polaroid so I’ve sent you some random pictures I took to test it out! I’m still getting used to it but the next ones will be better, I swear!
… the treehouse! it even has cool lights on it!! the back of our house! it’s so big it’s hard to fit in a picture.. it sorta looks fancy but it’s not really n’ dad said it was cheap cos it was a shithole a rare Byrd! (grumpy too – dad tried to take his dummy off him lol) he’s not supposed to be on my bed… the Bay! Jude says I sound girly for saying it’s so pretty here but I don’t care I could take a million pictures of this place n’ never get bored (I’ll stop now though cos mom says these polaroid things aren’t cheap for this model.. oops lol!!)
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spif-lol · 1 year ago
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Reasons why the simpsons hit and run stream is jerma's best stream
it's ELEVEN HOURS LONG
you get to witness his slow descent into madness as he insists on playing the whole game in one sitting
I can watch it when i replay the game, would recommend makes it way more enjoyable
he spends too much time doing really bad impressions trying to copy voice lines for the game and yelling "HIRE ME IM AVAILABLE"
He decides to confess half an hour in that he knows nothing about the simpsons and has only seen like one or two episodes
this is ten minutes after he references a specific episode, and then proceeds to get told off for 'spoiling' an episode of the simpsons (from like 1995) by chat
Chat also somehow manages to convince him that ten year old boy Bart Simpson's famous catchphrase from everyone's favourite family animated tv show is 'eat ass'
In general it switches between him refusing to believe things people tell him about the game despite being true and falling for obvious lies
he starts the game going 'lol wouldnt it be funny if you could run over simpsons characters' and then jokingly drives towards civillians thinking they'll jump out of the way. they go flying. he is so confused
the dissonance between early and later parts of the stream are palpable. It turns from a cheerful and lighthearted exploration of a funny simpsons game that he refuses to take seriously or accept that it could genuinely make him angry, and transforms into a desperate race against time, his computer and his own hubris as he seeks simply to finish the game so he can sleep. This stream destroys him.
the way the stream highlights are named on his youtube is hilarious. "Jerma will not get angry at the simpson's hit and run" -> "Jerma might get a bit angry at the simpson's hit and run" -> "d'oh"
it's extremely funny how many time he's convinced he's in the last level of the game, only to be wrong. the first time he thinks that is in the first section and hour of the stream
easily his most rewatchable stream (this is gonna cover a lot of dot points)
the amount of tragic irony and foreshadowing in this stream is almost cinematic.
at the very start of the game he complains about the music being too loud and monologues about sounds and over stimulation of game music bothers him, which of course will be very funny in the finale
he also comments a few time at the start about how annoying homer's random voice lines are, and says 'oh god he's gonna repeat that a thousand times before the end of this game'. he's right, and it nearly drives him crazy by the final mission
speaking of the final mission(s), the second time he has to transport the toxic sludge from power plant to the school he like pauses the game and very seriously addresses chat like 'alright tell me right now are the next three levels also me driving the nuclear waste to the school that cant be possible right'. and then just accepting in defeat that that is in fact how this incredibly stupid and difficult children's game finishes
when he first races against the malibu stacy car and gets destroyed he gets mad and says he wishes he could drive that car. then when he gets to drive it in later levels he quickly decides its his favourite and maintains that until the end of the game
on rewatch... you hear him audibly crack open a can that chat demands he prove to them is soft drink and not alcohol like A WHOLE HOUR before The Incident and it's a little like watching a disaster movie where you see the characters laughing and having fun little knowing how they are being hastened towards their own doom... like chat keeps bugging him about it, he keeps making excuses, he keeps sipping the drink. they bring attention to it so much and you listen to it just knowing the pain that is yet to come. dramatic irony at its finest and most heartache inducing
15. ohmyfucking gaaaawd no! no... god... ICANDOITINAJUMP! ..... BART. WHERE IS HE??? BAAART!!!! AAAUUGH
16. actually fr there's a lot of memorable jerma lines in this stream, rewatching it is like watching a jerma funny moment compilation
17. the final couple of levels where he is getting steadily more overwhelmed to the point of ferality, and then he says he has an idea and goes to the sound menu and turns everything off. voice lines. music. sound effects. and then we watch him play the level in complete silence. and it actually helps him focus its really funny
18. the whole tragic sequence where he is in the FINAL LEVEL. he has played it so many times and just missed it by a few seconds. he is tired. he is hungry. he just wants to get off stream and eat a BURGER. he is focussing as hard as he can. he is almost there. he runs over too many things and the police are after him. but its okay. he's doing it! he's gonna make it!!! he gets to the school with time to spare and is sucked up into the end of the game beam. it's over. except then the police get sucked into the beam as well. he gets arrested in the beam. which teleports him and the car out of the beam. WHICH MEANS THE TIMER RUNS OUT AND HE LOSES. so he has to do it all over again. it's actually so so so funny and also something i think i personally wouldn't survive if i was in jerma's position in that moment
19. okay we have to talk about The Incident. bc i already alluded to it and bc like, i couldn't not talk about it. as stated above Jerma cracks open a can so you can hear it and chat immediately accuses him of being an alcoholic. he adamantly insists that it is a soft drink not a beer but they refuse to believe him unless he proves it by showing camera. he's playing on a modded ps2 pc port or whatever of the simpsons so it's a complicated setup and he explains that it would be too hard and also he's shirtless so they will just have to believe without seeing. chat continues to harass him while he goes on to play the game, specifically most of the lisa level. he laughs it off but eventually caves, gets up and get a blanket to cover himself and then alt tabs, holds his can up to the camera and says 'alright you satisfied? that might have just fucked up the game'. so then he tries to tab back into the game and it. crashes. hard. so hard that the game won't actually turn back on. so jerma's cursing and fiddling with the controls and saying its over. then it finally reboots and the game works and he's so relieved and it loads and he realises that he has lost SO MUCH PROGRESS. he's back at the start of the lisa section. this is truly the turning point of the game where it goes from being a fun experience to a nightmare gauntlet
20. on a related note: jerma waiting with bated breath *sound of simpsons game booting back up after refusing to for far too long* jerma: yeeeAAAAAH
21. im watching it right now as i replay, which is why im thinking about it obv. so i will almost certainly have more to add to this
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blushweddinggowns · 1 year ago
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if it hasn’t been asked yet, prompt 18 has incredible steddie potential. no pressure tho! love your work, hope your brain feels better<3
Aww ty and it is feeling a lil better 💗 And here's some pre-steddie for ya! I might do a part two of this because the vibes leave room for some uh, not sfw material. She has some energy.
~
Steve liked to complain about driving the kids around, but in all honesty? He loved it. He loved how lively they all were, he loved the silly arguments they would have, he liked just being around them, especially Dustin.
But holy shit did he hate picking him up from Hellfire. Because for some fucking reason, Dustin was never just waiting outside. He was always waiting outside with Eddie Munson, his brand new hero.
Steve had no idea what Dustin saw in the guy. He was such a dick, even when they barely talked for five minutes a week Eddie never missed the chance to be a snarky little bitch.
Which is why he wasn't too excited to see Eddie smoking alone outside of their club room, no Dustin in sight. Steve frowned as he got out of his car, looking around like Dustin might magically appear.
It wasn't helping that Eddie was staring right at him, an amused smile on his face, "You looking for something?"
Steve rolled his eyes at the question, "Just tell me where Dustin is."
"Inside," Eddie said as he took a drag, still staring at Steve. It always made Steve feel weird, the way Eddie would look at him. HIs eyes were too big or something, too intense. It always made him squirm, "On the phone, talking to his girlfriend. It's kind of gross actually, how mushy they are. He managed to scare everyone off but me."
That sounded about right. But that also meant that now Steve was stuck with standing next to this guy. And he really wasn't in the mood for awkward small talk.
"I'll wait in the car then," Steve said dismissively, stopping when he heard Eddie snort behind him.
"Too much of a princess to stand around with the undesirables huh?"
Steve spun around, his face hot at the weird insult, "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
Eddie shrugged, dropping his cigarette to the ground, "It means I think you're an uppity bitch. Tell me Steve, is hating me your only personality trait? Or do you get off on acting like a pissy kitten? That pretty face can only take you so far you know. "
This, this right here is what he hated the most about Eddie Munson. He was a dick yes, but he was so specific about it. Always calling Steve stupid shit like princess, kitten, bitch and now pretty. It was weird, emasculating, and...confusing. Very confusing on why the first thing it always did was make him blush. He didn't make Steve mad in the right way. He made him feel off kilter and anxious, his heart almost always going into overdrive whenever he had to talk to the guy.
But that didn't mean he was going to take all of that laying down, "Says you? I'm surprised you don't have a I hate Jocks tattoo on your forehead. For an 'undesirable' you sure are judgmental as fuck."
Eddie laughed at that, like Steve was an old friend who made a hilarious joke, instead of someone who was actively trying to get under his skin, "Do you still count as a jock? Because if you do I might have to re-evaluate that. I never said I hated you, princess."
Oh great. So that was just a nickname now. Steve opened his mouth to snap back at him, to ask why he was such an ass if their wasn't mutual hatred between them.
But then Dustin was popping out of the club room, a big smile on his face as he waved at Steve, "Sorry I'm late! Suzie called and she heard about this new theory she had to tell me about and-"
"And you can tell me in the car," Steve interrupted, avoiding Eddie's eyes as he dragged Dustin away. The asshole smirked at him as they drove away, like he could just tell how much he was driving Steve crazy.
Yeah, Steve would never understand what Dustin saw in that guy.
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ijustwantogohomehogwarts · 1 year ago
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e y e b r o w s
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e y e b r o w s
Tim and Reader are debating the only part of his face that needs some...help
Warnings and such: one swear word? Otherwise absolutely nothing! FLUFF!!
This is one of the fluffiest things I have written and pulled outta my drafts! There's 154 more and they'll be coming!!
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"It's not weird! You see me do it all the time!" I laughed, jumping up on the bathroom counter. I had just gotten out of the shower and thought i'd be able to go 5 minutes without my stage-5-clinger of a boyfriend. Of course, I was wrong, though Im not complaining....
"But you're a girl, it's different."
"It is not!"
He groaned, leaning across the counter to look at himself up close in the mirror. I watched him make faces, studying every part of his reflection. Even when he was being stupid, he was beautiful.
"Let me see," I smiled, grabbing his shoulder. He huffed and stood between my legs, hands on my bare thighs.
"You're soft," He cocked a smile, looking down at my skin.
"I smell nice too-" his face nuzzled into my neck before i could say anything else. "Tim!" I laughed as he inhaled deeply.
"Yeah, you do."
"Focus! Let me see." He stood up and rolled his eyes, looking at me with the upmost level of sarcasm. I grabbed his chin and tipped his face into different angles, eventually being overly dramatic just to make him laugh.
"Yeah, looks like your out of luck."
"Oh come on!" His gaze drifted back to his reflection in the mirror.
"What are you complaining about? You've obviously done it before!"
"It hurts! Why else do you think I dont stay on top of these things- dont!" He pressed a finger to my mouth.
'Because you're lazy,' I thought to myself.
"Let me do it."
"No!"
"It's not going to hurt!"
"Yes it is!"
"Fine, let the hair and make up people do it." I could see the thoughts spinning in his head. "They're going to be super busy, mad they have to spend more time to fix it, and you're gonna start your day pissed off and bright red!" I patted his cheek and made to get off the counter. "Sounds like a good idea!"
"Wait..." I smiled, hands holding his elbows. Even sitting on the counter, I had to look up at him. "Promise it's not going to hurt?"
"Would I ever lie to you?"
"About this, maybe." I gasped, slapping his chest playfully.
"You ass!" His hands grabbed my wrists, holding them gently. He pressed his lips to mine and let the kiss linger for a moment. I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks. The things this man does to me!
"Are you sure?" He finally spoke, dropping my hands and resuming the facial expressions he was making in the mirror. Well, that moments over.
"Tim, you're 3 hairs away from a unibrow! It'll take me 5 minutes, 10 tops and you won't feel a thing!"
"Fine!" he sighed, out of arguments. "But if you mess any of this up," he gestured to his entire face, "you're gonna have a lot of people coming for you!"
"Too bad I'm still the one that's gotta look at you all day!" I kissed him quickly before he could pout- The same kiss he gave me moments ago.
I got out my supplies and went to work. I'm not sure what those hair and make up artists are doing to him- he flinched like crazy at first, but quickly relaxed into it. He stood quietly between my legs, eyes closed, and obliged me when I tipped his head this way and that way.
I took my time, giving myself the pleasure to look at his face. I live with him, I've been dating him for 3 years, I've known him for 20+ years, but it never feels like I get to look at him- not in this way. His skin was perfect, freckles were adorable, his lashes fluttered slightly as I pulled the last few hairs. He sighed heavily, pulling me from my thoughts. I set the tweezers down, put a hand on his shoulder and asked him to squat, just a little. His knees gave a light thud to the cabinet as he did.
I held the side of his face, turning his head each direction one more time before running my thumbs softly across his eyebrows. He sighed heavily again, a smile tugging at his lips.
"Impatient are we?" I whispered, "Do you have somewhere better to be?"
"In bed with my girl." The smile spread across his face. "All done?" He asked, opening his eyes.
"All done!" I smiled. He looked at me for a moment before standing up straight and stepping out from between my legs, leaning over the counter once more.
"Oh wow!" More silly faces. "I look good!"
I hopped off the counter, put everything away and stood behind him, arms wrapped around his torso. He had to lift an arm to be able to see me behind him.
"You always look good...but I like you better with two eyebrows instead of one."
"You're hired!"
"Hired?"
"Oh yeah! It's one thing if those hair and makeup people wanna beat my face with makeup," I couldn't help but laugh. "But when they go for the eyebrows- they're out for blood! Literally!"
"I'm glad you're happy!" I stepped in front of him, arms still around him as I pressed my chin to his chest, looking up at him. "Timmy?"
"Yes mon amour?"
"Will you let me shave your face?"
"One thing at a time, crazy lady!"
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danieyells · 8 months ago
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I find the idea of Ren being a pervert so nice bc he seems like the least likely at plain sight to be like that, a few times he invited them over to watch movies after working in Jabberwock hoping that you leave something behind and more times than he wants to admit he came to the fantasy of you sitting on his face
He plays mobile games and you think he's the least likely to be a pervert? I guarantee you he is, at minimum, into all sorts of weird 2d shit--trust me, i'm just like that.
But yeah I can absolutely see him being a pervert! He doesn't have anywhere in his room to sit for when he invites you over for movies so, uh, sit on this pillow. He's got more than one pillow for his bed, stop making it weird. Of course after you go home he's huffing that pillow while he jerks off, cursing himself for being so gross but very much lost in the smell.
He doesn't know how to approach you socially so he fantasizes about you instead. After Haru returned the uniform of his that he had you wear he didn't even wanna wash it. It's not like he wore it much at that point anyway, it smelt more like you than it did like him. . .it'd be a waste, right? He's not sure if he wants to wear it or smell it more. (Getting a new one is expensive so he ends up wearing it of course.) If nothing else that you wore it makes it a lot better. If only he'd gotten to see you in it. . .he would never be brave enough(or willing to put forth enough effort) to but it's fun for him to imagine catching you in his clothes, 'getting mad,' taking them off of you. . .all your clothes got wet and dirty, were you even wearing anything under it then? Oh no, he's real hard at the thought. . . .
But most of his fantasies are in line with his usual interests. Not having to do anything at all. You come to him--you seduce him or push him around a little, tease him for getting hard, then. . .it varies a bit from there. You ride him or sit on his face or suck him off or whatever. Sometimes he gets so pent up he turns things around in his own fantasy and isn't so passive. Sometimes he's a little kinder to himself in his fantasies and it's more gentle and loving--you confess and things escalate. . . .
Or you sleep over--in his room for some reason--and he molests you in your sleep. Or you do it to him. . . .
And of course the more fantastical ideas. . .you get to be the couple in every horror movie that sneaks off to screw. Of course, you don't die in the fantasies, but the idea of being in a scary scenario and you only care about him. . .it's stupid, but it pleases him emotionally too. He's nobody special or important or interesting or strong like other ghouls but maybe that's what you'd want, just like him. All of this crazy stuff, the anomalies, it's too much--something ordinary fits you both way better.
. . .on the other hand he's watched enough hentai to think some of the anomalous plants and animals could have more. . .interesting effects. Maybe you're helping out and he told you you should just hide with him instead of working, you shouldn't help them, but you come to him needy and desperate because of some weird plant Towa's keeping. . . .
He can't be bothered to try and get away with being perverse towards you anywhere but in his own head but he thinks about it. If not for that Japanese phones are forced to have the shutter sound on them he'd have so many pictures of you on his phone. . . . He'd be a total hypocrite if he was open about it anyway--he complains about everything minutely able to be interpreted as harassment himself and then he harasses someone else? And who's not gonna believe that the loser loner sexually harassed somebody? He'd get in trouble right away! And with all your connections the last things he needs are members of every house hunting him down. Including his own. He can't hide forever. That's way too much effort just to satisfy himself once or twice.
Nah, he'll keep it in his head. He'll imagine groping you in the dark during movies and sleepovers and acting like some anomaly snuck in and did it if you ask. Try and peek at you in the shower when you stay over--or, think about it anyway because somehow Haru or Towa would definitely stop him. Maybe he could get some kind of little spy cam for the bathroom. . . . If you stay over or get messy while helping out again, they'll take care of the laundry here, he'll let you borrow his clothes again, and if your underwear occasionally go missing well. . .that happens with laundry sometimes, right? Hey, you think that's an anomaly too, whatever makes clothes go missing?
He'll bump his leg against yours to know what it feels like to touch you. You'll be watching scary moves in the dark and he'll grab you to startle you--no, it was too dark, he didn't realize he was grabbing your ass/thigh/chest, he swears! He did clamp his hand over your mouth on purpose though--he just didn't want anybody else to wake up! And yeah maybe that ended up with him holding you to his chest--that was incidental. He just thought it'd be funny. Sorry. Feel something against your back? What're you talking about?
I think he'd make a great pervert, just a very cowardly one haha. He keeps it inside or just hopes things end up working out in his perverse favor. Probably hates himself for it a little bit too--he'd hate if someone was like this towards him after all! Why should he think he's any less repulsive?
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randomthefox · 16 days ago
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I random came across your posts about the Sonic movies and honestly I had originally thought the first two were passible but not great. But I was *so* disappointed by the third one and I feel insane everytime someone talks about it because it feels like everyone on earth thinks this movie is gods gift to man and its???? Not good???
It is a relief to see im not the only one and glancing through i didn't realize how inconsistent the movies were(my memory is trash though so it's not surprising I didn't realize).
I just feel like a crazy/broken person who feels like I'm missing something if this movie is apparently so amazing but its??? A mess???
Not to mention I was already disappointed going in because of knowing Amy wasn't in it. She's one of my favs and she's SO important to Shadow's story but everyone keeps acting like it's no big deal. NONE of the adaptations of SA2 HAS HER DOING HER PART??? IM SO TIRED OF THEM REPLACING HER.
But yeah!!! I'm glad to see some words that finally describe exactly what was wrong with the movie because I struggle with explaining why it's not good myself.
It's so hard to take anybodies stated enjoyment of the movie seriously, because nothing they say they like about it comes off as sincere. It either sounds disingenuous and hypocritical, because they're excusing or even praising things about the movie that they'd complain about when it comes to anything else (The Sonic Double Standard). Or it's completely shallow surface level praise, as if they're literally toddlers giggling and clapping over a set of keys being jingled in their face and actively get upset when you suggest one should USE THEIR BRAIN when watching a film. Or they're just transparently hating on the video games, and their proclaimed enjoyment of the movies is just an outlet for them to complain about how bad the video games are.
None of them ever have anything to say about why the movie's is supposedly good that actually sounds genuine. When they discuss the movie I do not feel the passion of someone who has a sincere enthusiasm for something. The way they talk about liking the movie feels fucking fake. That or they're shoving crayons up their nose as they watch this, the Michael Bay Transformers of video game films.
The movies are so fundamentally SYSTEMATICALLY BROKEN as films it defies belief. Everytime I even think about this stupid fucking movie I remember or discover something NEW about how bad it is and how much it doesn't fucking wrong. Jimbotniks death scene starts with him going "this will be my final live stream" BUT JIMBOTNIK NEVER DID ANY LIVE STREAMS AT ANY POINT IN THE MOVIE BEFORE THAT. I THOUGHT it was just Jim Carrey ad libbing something unfunny or something, but it turns out THERE ARE DELETED SCENES OF JIMBOTNIK LIVE STREAMING IN PREVIOUS POINTS IN THE MOVIE AND THEY CUT THOSE FROM THE FILM. But they KEPT the "this is my final live stream" line. HOW THE FUCK CAN A MOVIE BE THIS FUCKING INCOMPETENT? It's like an infinite onion that has endless layers of sheer parasite infested dogshit.
Sonic 1 was bad because it was literally just Generic CGI Character On A Road Trip With A Live Action Human Movie #828649296 and it was so fucking boring that it did not improve upon the experience of staring at a blank wall for the same amount of time. Sonic 2 was a MILD improvement in relative terms but was still an absolute fucking chore to sit through particularly because of that completely asinine wedding plot. But Sonic 3 is legitimately one of the worst most unwatchably bad "big budget, popular, widely praised" movies I have seen in a long fucking time. It is worse than Dr. Strange and the Multi Verse of Madness. It is worse than ANY of the Sequel Trilogy Star Wars movies. I would happily sit down and watch all three Star Wars Sequel movies rather than endure sitting through Sonic 3 again.
I'm sorry to sound like a hipster, but people are fucking sheep. Following the herd off the cliff. That's the only explanation for why everyone is insisting on this movie being anything more than what I've said about it. There is no other explanation. They want to be part of the crowd, whether it's a feedback loop of people proclaiming the movie to be good and they wanna be part of the In Crowd, or because they hate the video games and propping up the movies seems like a trendy way of expressing that hatred. Or because they are the kind of people who would genuinely go watch the major motion picture Ass
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my-castles-crumbling · 3 months ago
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Hey cas, i just need to rant
I'm crying rn and i need to tell someone this
Ok this is a stupid way to start this but my duolingos nit working. Fine not a big deal. I went and told my mom and she didnt even let me show it to her and told me to get my dad to help me bc she doesnt know how. So later when my dad was awake i told him the problem and she was there. My dad was trying to figure it out and she asked if she could see my phone. The thing is whenever she asks to see my phone to fix something i end up seeing something and realising i might know how to fix it so i ask if i can have it back to try the thing and sge always yells at me and rips my phone out of my hand and says i have no right to touch it because its not really my phone. So i asked her what she was going to do on it because i think I've tried everything and i don't think it's going to help especially if shes not the one talking to the support people (my dad was). She got mad and said to stop complaining and give her the phone i calmly explained what i just did hiw when she tries to help it isn't helpful and it always ends in fights because she never allows my input (very calmly like i was literally just explaining my thought process and why i think it would do more bad than good) she interuppted my yelling and said that if when people ask to help me and i just call them mean and whatever then people aren't going to want to happen (side note the difference is everyone else who offers me help i am allowed to say no and choose wether or not to explain why as well) and then said if i dont accept help graciously then i don't deserve anything. (I have bad mental health and she knows that to an extent) so now im crying
And i KNOW if i were to bring this up in the future she would say "i dont remember that. That didnt happen. Youre making that up"
Every time i try to communicate how im feeling and why i feel that some things she does or says may be hurtful and damaging she takes it as a personal attack. I've been trying to get better at communicating my needs and feeling but everytime i do she makes me feel like im doing something wrong.
Sometimes i get so overwhelmed I'll start crying out of nowhere or yell or something and she'll either say im being dramatic or literally laugh in my face.
Thank you and sorry for punctuation and spelling mistakes i probably made a ton
Hi!
I can relate to this SO much, omg. My mom is just like this, and it makes you feel so crazy, right?
Please know you have a right to your feelings and if you communicated the way you say you did, you did nothing wrong! Unfortunately it sounds like your mom has some things to work out about not taking things personally.
As someone who also deals with this, I have to say that sometimes picking your battles is key. While in a healthy relationship, sharing your feelings is super important, with a relationship like this, it could just make things worse. So a lot of times I just ask myself- 'is it worth the potential fallout?' sometimes, if it's something really hurtful, it is. But sometimes, I just let her make stupid decisions. SO like in this case, maybe next time you could give her your phone, let her realize she can't help, and then move on to whatever the next step is. Because she's probably not going to listen to you, you know?
It sucks to have to think like this, especially as the child in the relationship, but it might be reality.
Sending love! Naming you duolingo anon
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amarimeta · 6 months ago
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The Television Academy watching Carrie Coon deliver one of the greatest performances of the decade: No
The Television Academy watching Carrie Coon act cunty in a soap opera: Yes
no because literally WHAT GOES ON.
gilded age mutuals look away if you must but COME ON. LETS BE SERIOUS. i looooooove gilded age i love nothing television i love this stupid soapy show about my beautiful princess with a disorder and the entire town who hates her. HOWEVER. you (the academy) need to look me in the EYE and tell me carrie’s performance as bertha russell is the best she’s ever done. WHAT ARE YOU SAYING. i LOVE bertha. but she is NOT the crazy girl of all time. she is NOT the bravest girl on earth. she is NOT nora durst.
“ace you have to think about the strength of schedule” THE LEFTOVERS WAS ONLY EVER NOMINATED FOR ONE EMMY. AND IT WAS FOR ANN DOWD GUEST ACTRESS IN THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN THE WORLD (and his identical twin brother). LIKE THATS A WHOLE OTHER CAN OF WORMS. the show was never nominated. the writing was never nominated. the directing was never nominated. i have no love for the man but justin theroux was never nominated?? CARRIE?!?! WAS ?!?! NEVER ?!?!? NOMINATED ??!?!,!?!?! after the performance of HER lifetime, MY lifetime, every single person who ever has or ever will live’s lifetime???
do not click the read more unless you want me to complain about strength of schedule for each season. i get very specific i’m sorry.
SEASON 1 - 67th primetime emmy awards
BEST DRAMA
game of thrones season 5 (WINNER)
better call saul season 1
downton abbey season 5
homeland season 4
house of cards season 3
mad men season 7 part 2
orange is the new black season 2
haven’t watched house of cards or homeland (to be fair i DID watch homeland s5 for miranda otto like five years ago), haven’t watched oitnb in YEARS, haven’t gotten to mad men season 7 OR downton season 5 yet. HOWEVER. i do not care. take downton s5 off from there. mind u i bought the downton collectors boxset two weeks ago i have all the dvds i have a stupid ass bell TAKE IT OFF AND PUT THE LEFTOVERS ON THERE!!!! or take homeland season 4 off idc what happened on it but why is tracy letts a main character on a show nominated YOUR WIFE IS BEING ROBBED TRACY!!! DEFEND HER!!! wait i just realized i hadn’t even mentioned game of thrones season 5 being the winner. i can’t say anything at this point i just have to laugh.
lead actor jon hamm won for mad men again idk what happens in s7 i haven’t even finished season 1. as a newsroom and better call saul enjoyer i will not advocate for either of them to be removed so get rid of kevin spacey and put theroux up there. would carrie have been nominated as lead for s1? i think she’d be supporting no? in which case take emilia clarke off for game of thrones I’M SORRY I’M NOT HATING BUT WE NEED TO BE REALISTIC HERE. IT IS SEASON 5 GAME OF THRONES. YOU ARE NOT OUTDOING NORA DURST. supporting actor christopher get your ass up there!! jonathan banks get your ass down here. i will sound like a jonathan banks hater in the rest of this post and i’m not we just need to be serious here as a collective. mike ehrmantraut could never do the leftovers. sorry. (jim carter nom for carson on downton is actually for me personally which i think is beautiful).
mother’s mercy winning for best directing AND best writing is insane. game of thrones we will never forgive you for many things. (unrelated how did bcs five-o get a best writing nom and not any other episode of season 1. mike lovers have too much power in our society. we need to kill them.)
SEASON 2 AKA THE STRONGEST SEASON OF TELEVISION YOU CAN EVER WATCH IN YOUR LIFE - 68th primetime emmy awards
BEST DRAMA
game of thrones season 6 (winner)
the americans season 4
better call saul season 2
downton abbey season 6
homeland season 5
house of cards season 4
mr. robot season 1
AGAIN. GAME OF THRONES WINNING BEST DRAMA LIKE YOU ARE NOOOOT SERIOUS PEOPLE. YOU ARE JOKING. americans and bcs <33 downton season 6 i’ve heard awful things about you. homeland season 5 HEY that’s the season i watched!! yea get rid of game of thrones and put the leftovers in there and MAKE THE LEFTOVERS WIN. IMMEDIATELY.
lead actor idk get rid of kevin spacey again. lead actress tatiana maslany i know you were working overtime im so sorry unfortunately i’m taking this away from you. please understand i’ll give it back to you for a different year but this one is carrie’s. btw im replacing claire danes on homeland in terms of nominations. supporting actress i cannot believe i am taking this away from maggie smith but we are giving this to either ann dowd, regina king, or amy brenneman. MIND YOU REGINA KING WON FOR SUPPORTING IN A LIMITED SERIES SO I THINK WE SHOULD GIVE HER THE DOUBLE WHAMMY but if you want to argue its ann dowd i will not fight you. also get maura tierney off of that nominations list NOT HATING ON MAURA simply hating on the affair. we need to be serious. supporting actor i’m taking down jonathan banks and kit harrington sorry putting up christopher eccelston and kevin carroll. i’ll let the academy decide who wins but it IS between them two. no one else. sorry.
battle of the bastards winning both writing and directing again hey guys not sure if i’ve mentioned this before but i hate game of thrones the television show that cannot hurt me and isn’t real!!! and also THAT SEASON WAS NOT GOOD. directing wise we’re getting rid of the door for game of thrones and writing wise we’re getting rid of battle of the bastards CONGRATULATIONS THE LEFTOVERS SEASON TWO EPISODE EIGHT INTERNATIONAL ASSASSIN YOU ARE THE GRAND PRIZE WINNER!!! THE BEST EPISODE OF TELEVISION EVER!!!! YOU DID IT!!! YOU HAVE NOW WON BEST DIRECTING AND BEST WRITING YIPPEE!!!!
SEASON 3 (my beloved) - 69th primetime emmy awards
BEST DRAMA
the handmaid’s tale season 1 (winner)
better call saul season 3
the crown season 1
house of cards season 5
stranger things season 1
this is us season 1
westward season 1
sorry handmaid’s tale you are not keeping the win. you can keep the nom i guess. get rid of stranger things for me. anyways the leftovers season three you ARE THE FATHER!!! (but also hiii better call saul season 3)
lead actor i like sterling k brown so he’s keeping the win but once again goodbye spacey and theroux enjoy your nomination. lead actress elisabeth not only are you not getting the win i might take the nomination from you too. sorry. carrie coon needs it more. we need to be on the right side of history. supporting actress ann dowd won which i can’t BE TOO UPSET ABOUT but im taking millie bobby brown’s nomination away and giving it to amy brenneman like i’m sorry but we need to be serious here. supporting actor i’m taking jonathan banks and mandy patinkin down and putting up christopher eccelston and kevin carroll. OBVIOUSLY.
AND OF COURSE ANN DOWD IS WINNING FOR BEST GUEST ACTRESS LIKE. alexis bledel sweetie i’m sorry but that award is not yours. but please take a picture with alison wright for me i would enjoy that.
best directing went to handmaid’s tale offred. i’m sure it was a good ep. anyways taking that down and taking stranger things ep 1 down and putting both most powerful man in the world and book of nora. book of nora is winning probably. (also taking down bcs witness and putting up chicanary. like come on here folks). best writing ALSO went to offred yea sorry. it can stay up i guess i’m just taking down stranger things ep 1 and putting up book of nora which will be winning. (notice how chicanery was properly nominated here).
well that’s all from me!!! so happy that everything i just wrote actually happened!! i can’t believe the leftovers won so many emmys BUT IT WAS WELL DESERVED!!
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ladytauria · 1 year ago
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trick or treat!!! 🎃🎃🎃
(and thank you for your comments on my lil drabbles!!!! i loved reading your tags & thoughts<3<3)
(<3 i'm glad! i love reading your stuff!! it's always so good! & ty for ur tags on mine, i appreciate them sm <33333)
this is a snippet from a wip i've been working on for... i think about a year now, lol. working title is "slipping tongues" & is v loosely inspired by that one panel, where jason calls himself "daddy" while defusing a bomb xD
i shared a slightly earlier snippet of it here~
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Stupid, stupid, stupid. Of all the things he could have said—
It’s all Tim’s fault. He’s been driving Jason crazy all night. It’s Jason’s fault, of course, for agreeing to Tim’s idea all those weeks ago in the first place. He’d been complaining, again, about his nights at the lounge, and at the time… Well. He hadn’t seen how Tim playing as Hood’s arm candy could go wrong.
Big mistake.
He’d forgotten just how much effort Tim put into his undercover identities.
Or—
No, that wasn’t quite right.
Jason had been expecting Tim’s identity to cater to their audience. And in a way, it did. There was nothing threatening about his appearance, the act he put on. The amount of conversations that had taken place right in front of him, as if he wasn’t even there would be infuriating if it wasn’t playing right into their hands. But the appearance of the disguise…
That was tailored specifically to Jason.
Subtle makeup to soften his face; just enough padding to give him the illusion of curves. Small breasts, a black wig, just a bit longer than his natural hair—and jewelry to draw the eye from anything he couldn’t disguise. And—look, okay. Jason is biased. He thinks obsessive, 72 hours no sleep, wearing his rattiest clothes, caffeine-addled gremlin Tim is hot. This Tim? Dolled up in provocative outfits and sultry make-up? He’s a goner.
And Tim knows it. He walks a fine line, teasing just enough to drive Jason mad without also compromising his persona as Hood. It’s maddening… and hot as hell. Could anyone blame him, if maybe his brains were a bit addled? Or if maybe, just maybe, he wanted to turn the tables on Tim, even if just for a moment?
Jason doesn’t think so.
If Tim asks, Jason will tell him it was a slip of the tongue. He got too deep into the Hood headspace. Otherwise—they can just… forget about it. Pretend it never happened in the first place.
Yeah. That sounds good.
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donnerpartyofone · 2 years ago
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I can't believe I'm about to do this. I mean don't get too excited, it's not interesting, I'm just forced to talk about it because that's the only power I have in this stupid situation.
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A couple weeks ago I was prescribed this new asthma medication, even though my problem is almost definitely from muscular-skeletal pressure but nobody can figure that out yet, so for now I just have this inhaler so I'm not constantly suffocating. The first time I took it at the recommended dosage I had a bad panic attack that took me out for an entire day. I reduced the dosage so I didn't feel dangerously insane anymore, but it still causes my fucking rosacea to go completely out of control, which is not really something I can just ignore; it drives me crazy that insurance companies just treat rosacea like it's some fancy cosmetic issue, as if it doesn't affect your entire life when your skin is visibly deteriorating at an escalating rate, but that's another story... So anyway I have a giant bag of medications that either didn't work at all or actively harmed me (my typical experience with everything) that I haven't disposed of yet, so I dug around in there for a tube of Rhofade that like I don't even know how I got it because it's the premiere celebrity-endorsed thing and it's psychotically expensive, but anyway I decided to give it another shot because I'm desperate. First couple days it worked great. I thought all my problems were solved, except that I'd have to find a way to keep paying for it. Then it seemed not so great for a couple days. Then things started to get pretty rocky. I wondered if it had to do with not being careful enough in the sun or what, but I started to worry about the medication, so I did something that will sound insane, but oh well.
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Months ago I complained to my GP that I was having a hard time finding a "real dermatologist" in the city, as opposed to a salesperson for predatory beauty treatments. I've been treated pretty badly by a variety of dermos over 15 years, I often had the feeling that I was neglected because I had a medical concern as opposed to like an expensive anti-aging concern or something. Sometimes a dermo advertises themselves as a medical professional, but when you get there you realize they're a glorified beautician and you're fucked. I went to a well-reviewed practice that's now called The Dermatology Specialists several times, and every time there was a mad rush to get rid of me. The actual head of the clinic saw me a couple times, and both times he came running at me with a needle without telling me what he was doing, to try to lance a mole that I wasn't there to discuss. One of these was right over my eye and you can imagine how scary this was. I eventually realized I didn't have to take that shit and swore him off. Years later when I decided to look for a dermo in my new neighborhood, I made an appointment at a "new" place that I realized too late was the same guy; he had rebranded and expanded his thing into a giant chain that's all over the city, like half or more of the dermos in my searches are attached to his practice and it's not always obvious until the appointment is made. Fuck. I thought, maybe things will be different at this location, I'm seeing a new person and I'm the only one in the waiting room, seems pretty chill. I actually had to get a mole removed that time. I sat down with the new doctor who frantically explained what she was going to do to me before saying "OK BYE!!!" and racing out the door, which she had almost closed all the way behind her before she remembered that she still had to actually do the procedure. I couldn't believe I'd fallen for this clinic's bullshit yet again!
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So that's when I talked to my GP and she wrote me a referral for what I took to be a real doctor. His office was clean, simple, and unpretentious. When I got there, an exiting patient was thanking the doctor profusely for something, like from the depths of his soul. We sat down together and he calmly denounced all the lasers and other expensive snake oil that had been upsold to me over the years. He told me to scale back to just a basic Aveeno face wash and moisturizer, and I was so relieved that he wasn't some greedy hipster asshole...however. He also told me that the active ingredient in Afrin, an OTC decongestant nasal spray, has the same effects as the top of the line rosacea medication Rhofade, and many of his patients have success just applying it to their skin. I was so impressed that he wasn't trying to sell me anything, and that he was empowering me to just take care of my own shit at home, that I believed him.
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So flashing forward to the past week: I use this new inhaler that I need if I want to breathe, my face blows up like a bomb, I try Rhofade and it seems to make things worse...and then I buy some Afrin and put it on. It pretty much burned my face off my skull. My skin was purple and my face completely changed shape for more than 24 hours. I thought, at least I have this cold pack that's made for faces, for swelling from dental surgery and shit (it was recommended to me by my TMJ specialist who is also fucking with me right now but that's another story). I applied it, and it made everything a thousand times worse than it had ever been. I had to cancel all my plans. I took Tylenol, antihistamines, drank tons of water, whatever I thought would help. A colloidal oatmeal-based moisturizer kind of did something for me, but not remotely enough. It's a couple days later, now, and I'm still not completely over it, and I'm having random intense and painful flareups. I've never had exactly this problem before. And by the way "just using a moisturizer" has not helped anything at all this entire time, even though it's the advice I always get (sometimes VERY rudely) no matter what I say. Dry skin is not my problem, someone could tell just from touching it. Just being mindful of the sun and trigger foods and shit is not the answer. I know there's something else going on and like nobody cares to find out.
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So anyway I'm having a followup appointment with my GP to explain all this...and in the meantime I'm going back to the fucking snake oil clinic. I just absolutely need something for right now, I don't know if it will be an antibiotic or what. I've spent years looking for a real medical dermatologist and I know I'm not going to just find one overnight, so I'm subjecting myself to more humiliation at the most convenient place, and I'll deserve whatever I get I guess. At least my appointment is with a guy I haven't seen before. Cross your fingers for me that he doesn't give me something else that just melts my face off of my face.
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thegreatimpersonator · 2 years ago
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question is... are you gonna be up to listen and vibe with shake it off and me! along with the rest of bops and Lover songs? cause to me... fans who constantly hate on songs and complain about having them on the setlist aren't that different from the tiktok swifties that are spoiling the fun for everyone else (and that obviously includes you with certain albums, songs and even atw10mv...) I mean, some fans act like they're so cool and clever for loving everlore and speak now, to even despise Reputation and Lover as if they weren't a big part of her discography. or saying certain songs shouldn't be part of the album just because they personally don't like them? Jeez. just stop listening to them then, you don't need to complain all the time and indirectly make us feel like loving those songs is being immature and lacking taste... is that being a good fan, though? cause those albums are part of her career you know, each album of hers is so different from one another and she made them that way, with that specific tracklist for a reason. as much as you hate it (possibly that's why you hate it) me! yntcd, the man and all those tracks you want to erase from Lover or replace with the unreleased ones, are precisely what made Lover being Lover. they are Lover! and the album wouldn't exist without them. and as crazy or stupid as it may sound to you, guess what... there's people who like those songs! who love the album as a whole and get the concept out of it... and people who are actually dying to hear those songs live in this tour! as they're most likely gonna be. so yeah, are you gonna roll your eyes when she plays them and start complaining, or are you gonna like, actually have fun and vibe with the concert you're in?? because I really don't understand why would someone get tickets for a concert when they don't even like the majority of bops/songs and they even keep on mocking the rest of people who do... I don't understand and it makes me so angry actually, cause it is so damaging. not only for the rest of fans but for Taylor herself and the disrespect of her work you're doing as a "fan". (I'm sorry, but I've been biting my tongue for a couple of days now looking at your replies and I just, couldn't handle it more)
this is truly an insane mindset to have wow. are you saying i'm not a 'real fan' because i don't love 100% of her discography? and i should force myself to love every song in order to be perceived as a 'real fan' in your eyes? im a bad fan for having my own personal taste and not loving every song simply because taylors name is attached to it? sadly im my own person who can have their own opinions on things.
there's a drastic difference in 'i dont like this song' to 'if i hear it live im gonna leave how dare she perform it'. i guarantee she's gonna have songs on the set list that aren't in my top 30 songs of hers. i don't love me! but you bet im gonna sing along and scream spelling is fun because... get this... the show is not about me. she's performing for 10,000+ people a night she has to go broad and play songs for the general public. i'm not expecting her to only perform the songs i specifically want. are there some songs i prefer over others? yes. am i gonna walk out of the stadium the second i hear the start of me!? no... because why tf would i do that. all of this is a joke. this is tumblr.com. anytime i joked about not liking a song it was never that serious. also where did you get that i don't like the majority of her bops or songs in general? because thats just false?
people can like albums i personally dont like. you mentioning me taking some songs off of lover was literally because someone asked what songs i would take off. are you mad because i simply answered a question?
and im sorry you find it 'so damaging' for people to have different opinions on music than you, it's almost like none of this is serious. and im sure taylor is really hurt by a random account on tumblr not loving some of her previous work, im sure she's real torn up about it 💀💀. it's not like shes a grown women who's dealt with way more serious scrutiny all her life... no for sure tayorswift.tumblr.com not loving lover or reputation is at the top of her list of trauma.
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ilovemarvelcu3000 · 2 years ago
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My Secret Invasion review.
Now that I have had time to clear my head and really analyze this show from a relatively unbias standpoint (Just look at my profiles Im a marvel D-rider so dont expect me to be 100% unbias) I would like to address a few things. This show definitely has its ups and downs especially with that finale, but I would say this was a solid 6.5/10 it's not as horrible as people are making it out to be, but it also was not amazing. It's a pretty decent show. Most of the complaints I saw were about
Then there's the MoM club (misogynists of marvel) who just complain about giah being the most powerful in the mcu now which is 1. Not true and 2. I know that most of the haters who watched this show have a relatively low attention span but did yall forget that Graviks plan was to make super skrulls anyway? Like out of a whole civilization of skrulls did you all just expect all of them to be dudes? Please put your shrimp dicks away and complain about something else without sounding stupid.
I'm gonna lightly touch on this then I'm gonna go to something else cause I'm about to get some people mad that I haven't already. The same people who are complaining about Rhodey being a skrull since Civil War are the same ones who complained about the shows playing it too safe and that there was no stakes. Stop crying now cause this is what you wanted. While I am on the topic of Rhodey, there's people saying that there was no way possible that Rhodey was a skrull before endgame cause its hard to fake a leg injury........ did we not just watch Giah pretend like she had radiation poisoning as Fury? Determination and Desperation can make you do a lot of crazy shit.
Also Secret Invasion was not the end it is the beginning, it sets up Armor wars, The marvels, and something else that I can't remember right now. So everybody chill it gonna hopefully get better especially with the firing of Victoria Alonso [if you haven't been paying attention or you just have a life unlike me], it was basically said that she created a very hostile work environment for mostly everyone and that she was also very demanding of the vfx team and she was the one to approve all of marvels vfx so blame her for the train wreck that has been the cgi the last 10 projects.
This was less of a Review and more of a Rant of all the bs reasons to be hating on this show. If you have any comments, questions or concerns feel free to ask. I'm doing a pt.2 to this.
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