#stupid daily walk for my stupid physical and mental health

[doomspaniels]

Off we go, into the wild blue yonder!

Oh hang on, Møthř, are you coming on the walk? Are you really coming?

Yes! All right, let's try that blue yonder thing again! Vroom!

[karliahs]

lately my favourite thing to do is walk up the big hill on my way to work while listening to songs that are loud and fast and often kind of angry. does anyone have recs for more songs that are loud and fast and maybe kind of angry

[alex51324]

My dog can't tell time, but if I'm putting on shoes and not picking up my going-to-work bag, she's like, "Going somewhere? Have you considered...WALK?!?!!?"

And if I was planning something else, but it isn't time-sensitive, and the weather is decent, I usually end up going, "Yeah, okay, I guess we're doing that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯?"

(If it is time-sensitive, I indicate that by giving her a cookie; she usually suggests the walk once or twice more, but then gives up and takes the cookie into the other room, and lets me get out the door in peace.)

thinking about my dog and how he makes sure i get my daily mental health outings

[xeno42alpha]

[call-of-duty-incorrect-quotes]

Soap: Where are you going?

Ghost: Out on a stupid daily walk for my stupid mental and physical health as my therapist advised me to.

Soap: Sounds nice.

Ghost: You know what the worst part is?

Soap: What?

Ghost: It fucking works.

[usagikookiejams]

AFTERMATH OF THE BREAKUP

Haitani Ran, Ryuguji Ken (Draken), Hanemiya Kazutora, Haruchiyo Sanzu

Warning: angst no comfort, cheating, NOT PROOFREAD, cursing, mentioned about abusive relationship, drug usage, harsh words

Haitani Ran

It has been 3 months since your relationship with Ran ended in a bad term. Deciding to move from Roppongi to Okinawa to avoid meeting up with him again.

Unbeknownst to you, a guy was following behind while you're doing grocery shopping. After failed attempts to reach the product in the higher rack, suddenly a guy was helping you out.

"Thank you so much-," you were left silent after seeing that the guy was actually your ex; Ran. He looks handsome as always. But, you could see the obvious eyebag.

"How you doing?," he smiled, trying to start a conversation with you but, you just ignored him and pushed your cart forward.

He didn't stop pestering you, until you has had enough and slapped his face. "Don't you feel ashamed? Showing your face after you cheated on me with that 'work-wife' of yours?!," you glared at him.

He explained that he was drunk at that time. However, he paused his words after seeing the disgusted look in your face.

"I couldn't bear looking at you. It reminds me how stupid I am to trust you. Hah, my friends were right about you; you indeed couldn't keep your dick in your pants," you smirked and walked away.

Ran felt like his world started to collapse. Witnessing your hostile behaviour towards him has proven how you don't wanna get back with him no matter what.

Ryuguji Ken (Draken)

You and Draken started dating after 3 years of Emma's death. Motivating him daily has led to him starting to open his heart to you.

But things weren't always nice and easy. It indeed was very hard for someone to move on from his past lover.

That's why, after only about 2 years of dating, you decided to broke things off with Draken after you has had enough of him comparing you with Emma.

Emma this, Emma that; you were tired of hearing his complaints.

Though he looked like he didn't care back then, but why is he always reaching out to you now?

He looks so desperate trying to win you back. Showing his effort by buying you flowers every week, which ended up disposed in the dustbin at your office.

Today remains the same routine of his. But you decided to give him your piece of mind once you saw him walking towards the receptionist counter.

You dragged him outside the building where your co-workers couldn't see you. "Can you stop all this nonsense?," you sighed.

"But baby-," he couldn't finish his words when you suddenly took the flowers and placed it on his motorbike.

"I am not your baby, and I don't need your flowers. Why not giving them to Emma, considering she may need them more to decorate her grave?," you couldn't help but saying deep and harsh words.

There, Draken was left heartbroken. He realized how all of his action of comparing you and Emma has led to you hating both of them.

Oh lord, how he wish you would care for him one more time.

Hanemiya Kazutora

Being in a relationship with Kazutora was challenging, he always scold you for things that are even miniscule; blaming you for it. Thus, you decided it was best to separate with him, as he tend to get physical with you.

Visiting the hospital for how many times now, that you don't even remember; getting psychology treatment to treat your mental health from past abusive relationship.

You were busy listening to music that you didn't notice that you has bumped into someone. The person sighed in annoyance, that is, when you heard your name being called in shocked tone, "Y/N?."

You frozed in place, looking up at the person. Oh, it's Kazutora. You got up and said sorry as quickly as possible before getting away.

You felt your hand being pulled, and you couldn't help but flinch. "Hey, hey sweetheart, it's okay. I won't hurt you." You still your position, didn't dare to look at the man who had inflicted pain upon you before.

Kazutora felt a pang of hurt in his heart, looking at how you're terrified of him. He felt tears running down his cheeks, profusely saying sorry while saying he missed you so much and how his mental health is declining.

You looked at him dead in the eyes. Though feeling scared but you tried to stood your ground. "Yeah? And what about me? What about all the things that you said, and pain that you inflicted on me before huh? Answer me Hanemiya," you said in heavy tone.

Kazutora didn't like how you're saying his first name. It was always Kazu or baby; anything but Hanemiya. Nevertheless, he tried to reason with you how he never intended to do those things, saying that he wasn't in the right state of mind.

You scoffed and warned him how if he still loves you, he should just leave you alone. Kazutora was about to say something but you dismissed him, and just walk forward leaving your past behind.

After that encounter, Kazutora still trying to reach out to you by visiting you at home or workplace. That is until one day, he was forced to stop his action once knowing that you has moved to another country with no one knowing your whereabouts.

Haruchiyo Sanzu

Dating Sanzu was never a boring experience. He's wild and loves to party, which at last causing you to not being able to keep up with his behavior.

Lucky for you, the break up was easy as Sanzu too thinks that you're too boring, and always acting like a 'nagging bitch'. Thus, deciding to also let you go.

Despite the break up only took place less than a month ago, you're suprisingly doing great as you are now start to prioritize yourself. Spending time to learn new hobby; that is photography.

Currently you're in the park, capturing panoramas and birds that flew over the horizon. Click! You went to check the picture but noticed a familiar pink hair in the photo.

The pink-haired-person looked over his shoulder as he heard the clicking sound. He couldn't believe his eyes when seeing you, thus started to run towards you, "Y/N!."

"Oh shoot..," you whispered to yourself and started walking faster. Albeit he was fast enough to grab your shoulder. "Baby, how you been? I wasn't able to contact you for a month. Did you change your contact number?," the person said.

"So what if I did, Sanzu?," you put on confident look. "It's not like we're going to contact each other anymore, is it?," you continued.

"But-," Sanzu was about to speak but you just shook your head. "I wish to never meet you again. Now that I look back, I realized how dumb I am to love some maniac like you. You didn't even consider my feelings, always gaslighting me and even calling me names. So don't be suprised when I decided to move on from you," you scoffed and walked away without looking back.

At that moment, Sanzu knew he fucked up real bad by messing up the relationship you guys had before.

Later on, he started to indulge himself in more drugs, as it's the only way he could be free from the hurting feelings.

[itsclydebitches]

Imma be honest, the implications of the way the episode handled Jaune's relationship with the paper people gave me The Ick.

Because our first impression of them via Jaune is that they're literally too naive and accident-prone to be left to their own devices, to the point he has to prevent daily disasters in their town on the clock and they can't be relied to not walk into danger (i.e. the paper person who almost walked into a puddle before Jaune pulled them away).

And then as soon as Jaune leaves, one approaches RWBY and very articulately explains that they're not actually stupid accident-prone wubbies but they're deliberately causing the accidents in hopes it will return them to the tree because Jaune will not let them go through their reincarnation at the tree. Or the next stage of their life cycle. Whatever is the best way to phrase it.

I technically know what they're going for with it, that Jaune is resting a lot of his mental health on the paper people and his ability to keep them from disaster (which includes them going back to the tree in his mind), and he's so traumatized to the point it's screwing with his ability to make objective decisions to the paper people's detriment.

But then the writers make him fucking infantilize them, by saying "they don't know what they want" and that they're "...too stupid... to trust". Which the paper people around him visibly wilt at.

It comes off as a Freudian slip from him that he thinks the paper people he's self-assigned himself to take care of are too stupid to make their own decisions and implying that they're unable to think for themselves when we just saw evidence to the contrary.

Not to mention he's an outsider that is, traumatized or not, imposing his viewpoint of the world on a different culture. The Aftereans logically know better than him the functions of the tree and its interactions between it and them. It'd be easier to swallow if he didn't literally belittle their agency and their intelligence, which is really fucked up of him to say about the people he's using as a coping mechanism and not even apologize to them if it was supposed to be a heat of the moment thing.

And to top it all off, the episode cloaks the conflict between the paper people and Jaune in this weirdly unnecessary self-harm vibe. Most of their solutions to get themselves to go to the tree involves them, to put it lightly, destroying their physical form in some capacity, which is like... are we supposed to see this as Jaune driving them to this point unintentionally? Are we supposed to see them as effectively suicidal and needing intervention? They don't even get to stand up for themselves, RWBY are the ones who... try and just make things worse because they're handling Jaune's mental state with about as much delicacy as buttering toast with an anvil.

Like what the hell is this? I actually sort of liked the subversion that the paper people weren't just naive to the point of self-harm but it ends up turning into "Jaune is using these people of another culture to prop up his mental health and imposing his views on them, albeit because he had a very Bad Experience associated with the tree, but also this is driving the paper people to take self-harm adjacent actions and Jaune also does not actually respect them because he insults their intelligence and ability to make decisions".

Yes, so much this. Your second to last paragraph really highlights my own problem with the conflict because am I supposed to be rooting for a self-harm/suicide allegory? Hard agree with what you've laid out above: Jaune is an outsider, he's infantilizing them, they're actually intelligent people who have the right to make their own decisions, and I would be 100% on board with a "Jaune needs to recognize that his trauma and desire to protect people is unintentionally hurting loved ones" message if... the thing they weren't arguing over is death. Or I'd be, like, 99% on board if we'd firmly established that Jaune is wrong about the tree and this "death" is actually a good, culturally different thing he needs to learn to embrace. But looking at what the Volume has given us, that's really not the case:

The Prince came back as a totally different person: a child instead of an adult and one who now wants to behead humans instead of helping them

The caterpillar (to my mind) was actually helping the girls by asking the hard-hitting questions, but that's framed as a flaw that needs to be corrected. He's basically hypnotized by the cat and forcibly dragged to the tree - forcibly "fixed"

Jaune, a character the audience trusts, slams into the story with very strong, "THE TREE IS EVIL STAY AWAY" beliefs

Based on what we currently know, this is somewhat supported by the supposedly evil little girl using it to get back home and the nice little boy disappearing

Just last episode the character who most wants them to go to the tree, the Cat, is framed as having manipulated the girls (regardless of whether we agree with that)

So far there's been NOTHING to imply that the tree is a good thing except a) a fairy tale that the girls have consistently learned is not accurate and b) a village of paper people who are so determined to reach it that they would crush/burn/dissolve/cut their bodies to get there. That is mighty uncomfy to me. The paper people being so firm in the tree being a good thing - within the context of the whole Volume - didn't make me go, "Oh damn, Jaune is wrong and he needs to step back, despite having the best intentions." It made me go, "This world feels...iffy and there's a strong implication that the residents have been manipulated into thinking the tree is an unambiguously good thing." Which, of course, is what Jaune is really saying. His 'they're stupid' rant, while yes, is incredibly insulting, is really only wrong if Jaune is wrong. If he's right that the tree is a nefarious force that the Ever Afterans are ignorant to because they've grown up on this pro-tree narrative then, uh... yeah? I think he's justified in trying to save them?

In full honesty here what my brain immediately equated this to was a cult. We have a group of people going, "Yes! We must release ourselves from these physical forms! Once that is done we will Ascend and become better versions of ourselves! We know this is true because we've been told by people in power (the Cat) that it's true. Those who do not accept the change will be forced against their will before the tree, but lucky for us we recognize how Good it truly is and will do anything - anything - to get there :D" Real talk, but did no one else get that vibe? Seeing the flashbacks of the paper people wandering around with scissors didn't make me think, "Huh. Interesting cultural difference that Jaune just needs to learn to accept." It made me go, "Is this the fantasy version of drinking the Kool-Aid?" If you're going to have your story frame death as a celebrated rebirth and position one of your characters as in the wrong for denying them that, you have to ACTUALLY PROVE to the audience that this version of death is not, in fact, equal to our own. Volume 9 hasn't done that. As laid out above, it's gone in the opposite direction and heavily implied that this "Ascension is The Best :3" narrative is suuuuuper unreliable... so why are we mad at Jaune again? Yes, he could absolutely be going about this with FAR more tact and respect, but I'm not yet convinced that him saving the village against their will is a bad thing, no more than I'd be in the wrong for knocking a cup of poison out of a friend's hand because they think that'll get them to some utopian realm. The story doesn't clarify whether this is a true danger or not, but it's SUPER weird to me that Team RWBY accepts this at face value, after everything they've experienced here. "Jeez, Jaune, what's wrong with you? Just let them kill themselves! It's clearly what they want. Quit playing white savior and help another friend move on already :/" Because yeah, giving Jaune this conflict after Penny is... a choice. We could have had any situation where Jaune is obsessively protecting people in an effort to alleviate his guilt, but having him protect people who, like Penny, WANT to die? Serious question, but what is RWBY trying to say?? Every person who claims they want to die is 100% correct and you should respect their wishes post-hast? Don't challenge Penny's belief that she can't be healed after 20 minutes in a human body! Don't challenge the shady belief that going to a potentially evil tree will result in a better life by erasing your former self! If 👏someone👏 wants👏 to 👏die 👏you👏 must👏 help👏 them👏 die!

But, as said, it's not fully explained either way. We don't know if the paper people are correct and Jaune should have let them perish years ago. We don't know if Jaune is correct and he was saving them from an uncertain, potentially terrible fate. Plus, the story has done nothing to convince us, the outsiders, that Ascension is actually the best thing for these people, regardless of the fact that it's clearly the most accepted. When the paper person said they wanted to make things that were more durable, my immediate response was, "Then do that? You might be paper, but nothing is stopping you from taking those rocks Jaune was handing you and building something permanent." If RWBY were any other show, I'd think that the end moral was that we're all capable of change and improvement, despite (or even because of) the lives we've been given. You don't need to go off and get some magical "fix" that gives you a new and better purpose, you embrace your own sense of self and build on that, crafting your own purpose. Growth. Experience. Maturity. Literally what is the point of Little, a mouse discovering their own purpose without any tree's influence, if the show is going to push a Ascension is Good Actually lesson? The fact remains that Ever After is not an actual culture we need to learn to respect, it's a fictional allegory for the girl's journey. So... what are they supposed to be learning here? "Do what you were assigned until you're deemed useless. Then you can die"??

So we have this story that's introduced a "Yay suicide!" perspective without actually determining whether that's a reliable perspective or not and this follows an episode where a hero begs for assisted suicide because she's determined that she's most useful to others when she's dead... seriously what kind of moral is RWBY going for? The issues of all this aside, I still don't know what to do with the final scene. I mean, based on where I'm currently at I really feel for Jaune, but is that the purpose of the scene? Am I supposed to be devastated that countless lives were lost, or am I supposed to celebrate that the paper people are finally free? Were they a family whose death is a tragedy, or are they a "make believe" family whose Ascension is a victory? I don't know, but really, any "Fantasy suicide is good, actually" message is NOT the kind of story RWBY should be trying to tackle. I didn't like it with Penny and I sure don't like it now.

"Oh no, misguided Jaune kept someone from dismembering themselves and all their friends. How could he! Be more culturally sensitive, Jaune." Is that really the message RWBY is going for? That's a completely honest question. Is that really what we're supposed to take away from this episode? Death is just a cultural difference here, so shame on the traumatized human from the Death is Permanent World for denying them their murder and suicide? Like Y E A H you can write that, it's your story, but hooo boy that is not my personal cup of tea.

[cutesuki--bakugou]

Getting back into things I used to be so invested in, like posting my work on social media and the communities I was active in, has been way more difficult than I ever thought it would be.

I miss it a lot, though. All of it.

Sharing my work with others and getting to enjoy theirs. Meeting new people. The conversations, both good and bad. Being involved in projects, like Zines and other collabs. The Discord servers, with all the fun little things like streaming, VCs and watching things together. The creativity and inspiration that comes with being involved in fandom communities. Bringing other peoples visions to life through things like commissions and requests.

A lot of my difficulties the past two years have come from things like my mental and physical health. I've been in hospitals (illnesses/injuries, surgeries and to protect myself from myself). Lost two jobs and my independence. Had to shut down my Etsy store and lost my entire small business (Damn you Crunchyroll, and your stupid IP Bots u_u). I've had a never ending art block and, all in all, I feel like I've lost everything that I was.

My biggest regret is losing all the friends that I had made. I can't blame my health for all of that, though. I made a stupid choice to follow the wrong person and that was the moment I lost a huge chunk of the community and people I had grown so fond of. By now, I've lost literally everyone I met through tumblr, twitter (or X, whatever it is now), and other places. But not just from how I had walked away back then. I had apologized to those I had hurt. I want to come back, to reconnect and try to return to what things were like before, but I can't get over this shame, embarrassment and regret I feel.

I don't really know what this whole speech or rant is, tbh. I've just been missing it all a lot lately. The creativity, inspiration, community... my friends I had made.

All of it.

I've said this over and over again for the past two years, but... maybe soon I'll try and come back again. All I've done consistently is some writing on Ao3 (TikTok I did for a good while, but it's been dead for a year now, too). I actually have a Bakugou x Fem!Reader fic going on right now, Senioritis, and for anyone who had been following it forever ago, I finished Ancient Soul.

I've also kinda gotten sucked into a new series with another fluffy-headed grumpy yet wholesome character that's been fighting with Bakugou for my attention.

Iykyk.

GIF by bishonenlover

GIF by redhead-daily

But yeah, thanks to anyone who has followed / enjoyed my work even though I haven't been here, and everyone who has stuck around. I miss y'all, and I really want to come back soon, even if it means starting everything over from scratch.

Talk to y'all soon <3.

[tenebrius-excellium]

Speechless.

...This week, I obtained the remaining information about my Mom's life that had previously felt like a gaping hollow of unanswered questions. ...I know everything I wanted to know now.

Speechless that I cried, and wept, and bled for this for 20+ years because nobody would f****** tell me.

Imagine being there as it happened. Imagine knowing that something happened to your Mom but nobody has the courtesy to tell you anything because you're 3 and in foster care and apparently stupid and are told that you knew nothing anyway. I knew. Oh, believe me, I KNEW.

Imagine begging over the years to be given the grace of an explanation. Imagine being told over and over how "it happened so long ago" and how "it's not important anymore" and how "you've nothing to gain from this knowledge" and how "I don't want to talk about it anymore" and how "it makes no sense for you to want to know this." To be given snippets at best, lies at worst. To feel like the victim of a gigantuous conspiracy because nobody feels responsible and no one was there anyway and nobody knew her in detail anyhow.

I KNEW. I knew nothing. I had hunches. Made observations. Felt beyond memories. I KNEW. CLOSE TO EVERYTHING I SUSPECTED TURNED OUT TO BE TRUE. I didn't know facts, but I very well knew vibes. Dynamics. Imprinted, intuitive guesses. I wasn't THERE, but I WAS there.

It felt criminally, morally wrong to dig because of everyone's judgment around me. Wrong to stand at her grave for the first time aged 21, because my father didn't want to go there. Wrong, to find her family four years later, just down the street from her grave, and that same grave wiped out by the authorities because too much time had passed. Wrong to keep digging in the face of everyone's pain and awkwardness around her. Wrong to be her daughter because she hurt a lot of people but she passed me so many great traits, I LOVE being her daughter. Wrong because the story isn't pretty, and why would I trade the fake fairytale that my Dad built us for the ugly truth. Why be ungrateful like that, right? Nobody is that insane.

But to me, the truth matters more than a pretty foam bubble of a life.

I turned to public office records and I have rest now.

I was emotionally, and physically present for EVERYTHING. I just couldn't process the facts because yes, maybe I was a little small for all the facts but I also wasn't given anything to work with; wasn't trusted with any of it; even when I became older.

I had to walk her streets and trace her steps and read her files to discover that I understand nearly EVERYTHING about her. I never knew her but I know her nonetheless. I know how she thought, how she fought, how she lost. God, forgive us. For letting her become like that, for not helping her, for not cleaning our shit up after it went down. My Dad just... walked on. This cost me 20 years of my life.

How to not be angry at that wasted time, how to not mourn every lost opportunity in life when my deficits stare me in the face every other day or so, when I have not and can't do what others have and do, I don't know. This cost me money. Savings. Social aptness. Experiences. Life skills and work skills. Playfulness. Knowledge. Fun. Physical and mental health. Friends. I feel like a middle schooler when I'm about to near my thirties. God, I still have nightmares from the bullying. What good is it to have cleaned up this part of my life when I'm still lagging behind in multiple areas of my daily routine? How is a romantic partner EVER supposed to understand what this is like and what I sacrificed to maybe be able to have a proper, healthy relationship someday? God, why am I so slow? I don't even know what I wanna be professionally, realistically. I've begged and cheated and hem and hawed my way through life and around these questions because there WAS NO REALISTIC FUTURE POSSIBLE until now. Whenever I supposedly made goals, I LIED. There were no goals, not with that hell up my brain. When I said that I couldn't work, I meant it. Yes hello what can I do you for today also do you know perchance where my Mom died. Yeah. Forget it. That program was constantly running in the background of my mind and taking up all the RAM. No way to reliably focus on the present, ever.

God, I made it. It's done. A couple more therapy sessions and maybe I can finally LIVE. I'm gonna lay flowers at her death site and be ok. I hope. This week I reached another milestone, and I keep hoping that this is the final one. But God, what did it cost. For knowledge that I got within half a week. From e-mails with a handful of lines. God knows how we'll make up for this shit. Dear God, have mercy. Oh well.

Listened to "After the Storm" by Mumford & Sons and promised I would play it again when the time came.

There will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears

And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears

Get over your hill and see what you'll find there

With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair

God, I think the time came.

[otesunki]

[ID: a photo of a slouched bald eagle walking with the caption: "me going on a stupid daily walk for my stupid physical and mental health". /end ID]

[ID: the same image, but with the caption edited to say: "me eating a stupid salt for my stupid electrolyte levels". /end ID]

[ID: the same image, but with the caption edited to say: "me drinking a stupid glass of water for my stupid dehydration". /end ID]

[mywheelieweirdlife]

Shout out to everyone else who has stupid digestive issues and every life change you do or don't make for it.

For me, 98% of changes I make feel worth it, but I know for others it's not.

But every time I spend a few days not at home on my very specific eating habits and schedules; I feel it and I hate it.

Normally people don't treat peanut butter and dates as a main part of their diet to the point where a jar of peanut butter going up in price is worthy of crying over bc it fucks the whole budget and you do in fact budget to buy both pitted dates and dried apricots in bulk.

Normal people don't treat yoghurt as a holy grail because your digestive system is so messed up that daily probiotics are also a life saver.

And peanut butter, Up&Go's and protein supplements worthy of the highest of fitness bros? Yeah; that's because I can't eat red meat regularly or meat regularly because my body refuses to tolerate it.

Do I take supplements like a vegan should because I have to eat vegetarian and eggs are expensive so I use cheese and milk as primary sources of calories? Yes yes I sometimes do when I can afford supplements; or more accurately I buy foods and juice with supplements... sometimes specifically made for elderly people who struggle with pills and food intake because I'm poor and that's the easiest way to do it. (And generally, they do taste good)

Do I live off coffee, dates, apricots, fibre supplements and slippery elm and lemon&honey tea because my body likes to refuse to digest food and I don't want to pay for or take laxative pills and the drinks are gross and expensive? Yes, unfortunately.

Do I also have to physically massage my entire digestive tract three times a day to physically move it because my muscles don't work? Unfortunately.

Does all of this lowkey scare me because I do want to get pregnant one day and I have no clue how that'll impact it? Yes, very much yes. Will be eating so much gentle high fiber food in the third trimester if I ever get pregnant knowing that's coming (not just because pregnancy... specifically for postpartum. If you know, you know).

Like do I feel incredibly sick and have for the last two days because of the changes while I was gone? Yes, it was awful.

Do I know have to fix my entire body because of it over the next two weeks? Yep, unfortunately. While having very little money to my name.

Did it once again highlight how much energy, effort and time my body steals from me? Yes, I spent a full hour and a bit on the toilet because of my stomach being a dick yesterday before therapy while my mother was out on a walk. And a good 30 tonight low key crying in pain which is fun.

I will also acknowledge that there's two sides of this:

I can spend the hours of planning and preparing and working with my body, acknowledging that it will never function normally but fuck I can try my best to live pain free.

Or...

I can do what I did while I stayed with others this weekend and pretend that I am fine and that food is not a problem... and pay for that in pain and constipation and bloating and all the other fun issues that come with my conditions.

And I personally choose change my lifestyle because I live with enough issues; but I have friends who choose 'normalcy' all the time not just for convenience on mother's day weekends.

But it's hard and it sucks and I can't get laid when I'm off my routine because it's too fucking painful. I have blood pressure spikes and drops when I'm off my routine. Hell; I never feel more dysphoric than when I'm off my routine because suddenly the pain reminds me of everything and I'm so tired my mental health drops like an avalanche on Mt Everest; fast, hard, all consuming and deadly.

And this is one part of my chronic illness management.

This is only 1 change.

It's not the nerve pain management, it's not the mental health management, it's not the connective tissue issues, the dislocations... anything else that impacts my life.

It's just the impacts my stomach and intestines have on my dietary requirements and the extra symptoms they add and exacerbate when I don't maintain a specific schedule for management that took years to learn and control and occasionally fluctuates.

Like I will never live a normal life and it's hard af but it's still mine and I want to live it.

But there's more than just me and we all deserve the recognition and acknowledgment for how much it takes and what fucking badasses we are for surviving such bullshit.

[glitch-e-stardust]

...been going on stupid little daily walks in preparation for having a dog, but also for my stupid little physical and mental health and i hate that it's helping. a lot.

ontheotherhandireallywantadogthoso

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

[Image ID 1: a meme, showing a grumpy tabby cat walking outside. The text above the cat says “me going on a stupid daily walk for my stupid mental and physical health”.

Image ID 2: a comment from user iz-the-egoni, which says “Aww, baby’s first ableism, uwu”.

Image ID 3: two comments from user a-spectacular-pigeon. The first says “I’m fascinated by the ableism comment, because it’s been widely discussed in the disabled community for a pretty fucking long time that being unable to leave the house is a serious quality-of-life issue for the disabled.”

The second comment says “Like, the take here should be “Leaving the house consistently improves your life and therefore the inability to do so constitutes a serious issue that needs to be accommodated for” not “leaving the house is hard for the disabled so fuck you for talking about it positively”.”

End ID.]

life actually gets better when you leave the house consistently btw like im serious

[red-lily-rose]

me going on my stupid little daily walk for my stupid mental and physical health😤

[sadistic-softie]

Can anyone help me with putting a name on something?

I had a mental breakdown once and my mom sent me to a program/facility for I think a month-3 months?? and I don't remember what it was called, where it was, or what to even label it as. I keep getting psych ward or suicide watch when i try to reasearch it but it's def not that. Driving me up the wall not remembering. It was about 8 years ago at this point and things are fuzzy, but i KNOW it was a real thing that happened.

Info:

They had a scedule every day and several staff members would take me and other teens through the schedule which consisted of daily therapy in the form of mental health related activities, one outside activity (walking, sitting, or ball), couch time where you could watch pg13 shows on majority vote or do/watch others do clean karaoke/ just dance, and a kind of circle time where you go around sharing something but i forgot what it was, and they had staff call you over to see an on-site psychiatrist who would give you your pills when it was your medicine time and all meals were preplanned. Constant staff surveilance, even when sleeping. 2 staff in the room with the teens at all time and one staff sitting outside the bedroom to watch you sleep. Windows were glued shut, all items (drawing utensils, notebooks, hygene products, etc.) were confiscated and only some could be used but only under supervision. 6 beds per bedroom. Family visiting hours were slim. Words like; stupid, dumb, ugly, etc. were not allowed.

Physical description:

Either in or near western Massachusetts. I don't know what kind of house it was. It was a kind of normal house inside. Livingroom, diningroom, bedrooms, etc. All wooden. Not good at labeling architecture, but it was kinda victorian-ish? Old but painted over to look clean and new, on a fairly spaced out street of buildings. One of those places in the country that country people who have never seen a city call a city, but it isnt actually a city?? it was a tall building, but not very large. All one color (I think?) kind of brownish black like this:

Had a porch that looked like this, save for the color:

Enough room outside to walk around. Fenced in back yard. Sidewalk in front of it.

i dunno. the whole thing was a mind-numbing fever dream and days blended together. i felt quietly insane but also like i was being molded into a nobody. feel like i lost a part of me there. The only thing i looked forward to in that house was bacon salad. It was miserably boring and limiting and insanely quiet all the time.