#stuff them with three cheeses and life is pretty good

[thetarttfuldickhead]

I’m exceedingly fond of the notion that Roy is just randomly* a really good cook, but consider: Roy is merely a mostly passable cook, taking an interest and picking up some stuff only now that his footballer diet days are nearing their end. He thinks he’s a great cook because he was fucking serious about said footballer diet and consequently has these sad little low standards and doesn’t really know much about properly decent food. (In this world, Hus’ kebabs are pretty nasty, actually.)

More importantly, non-cooking weirdos Jamie and Keeley also think he’s a great cook, the second bloody coming of Heston bloody Blumenthal, and they keep telling him (and everyone else) that, in all sincerity. The three of them live in a very happy delusion of Roy’s culinary prowess.

Maybe some time down the road they, flying high on hubris, invite others for dinner, and those others – if they have any semblance of developed taste buds – find themselves caught in the gastronomic Twilight Zone of Jamie and Keeley praising to high heaven the blandest food imaginable, while Roy beams in slightly shy pride.

Some guests (Sam) appreciates the effort and homecooked meal. Some guests (Richard) do not. Some guests (Jan) gets accidentally gagged with spinach by other guests (Isaac and Colin) before they can comment on the food.

(*I mean, I don’t believe that Roy Kent is just randomly good at anything; he’s a great cook because he put the hours in and worked fucking hard at it.)

[foldingfittedsheets]

I’d like to entertain and enliven you now with the saga of my Slut Era.

I’ve always been a serial monogamist and my shortest long term relationships clocked in at three years. So perhaps that’s why when I finally broke it off with my ex I went insane on dating. Part of it was definitely just that between anxiety and loneliness I wanted to fill up my time.

This happened when I was living alone for the first time, no roommates, just me and my little cat Leeloo. I didn’t want to come home to an empty house so instead I set up dates.

Most of these were disastrous. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea and I had a lot more first dates than second because they’d seen enough, including the one where people aggressively complimented me.

But after a few months I had four people I was seeing simultaneously. I was up front with all of them that things were not exclusive, and they all agreed, so no infidelity took place here, just a lot of hijinks.

Here’s who was on the dating roster:

• An apprentice woodworker that we’ll call Jill. I honestly thought at 26 years old that her being 21 wasn’t a problem age gap and I quickly learned that there was a vast gulf of both maturity and life experience between us. Jill described herself as “heteroflexible” and had just dumped her first boyfriend to flirt it up with me.

• A married woman looking for a friends with benefits. We’ll call her Alice. I insisted on meeting her husband first to be sure I wasn’t part of a cheating mess and he gave me his blessing when I stayed over at her house. Years later when he and Alice had divorced I would go on to sell him and his new fiancée an engagement ring and we both realized at the end how we knew each other and it was wildly awkward. Alice was nice, but a hardcore vegan who insisted I brush my teeth if I so much as ate string cheese before I could kiss her. She was also unhappy in her marriage and was feeling out if I’d want to get serious.

• A bartender dubbed Snakebites, so called because of her signature piercings. She cooked me a steak so raw it was still mooing and some of the best asparagus I’d ever had. In our singular sexy encounter she bit my nipple and I never got over it. Really don't bite someone if you don't know their preference and work up in pressure. We weren’t terribly compatible but neither of us were willing to admit it yet. Truthfully I considered still dating her solely because I desperately wanted her bathroom. It had all black tile, black toilet, black sink, a rain shower in the corner and a jacuzzi tub. I may not have loved her but god I loved that bathroom.

And finally,

• My beloved, who I would go on to marry, who was dealing with a lot of personal stuff at the time. Obviously that meant I liked them the best of all the people I was seeing because we were both disasters at the time.

So that’s the cast of this little misadventure. Now, our story begins with Jill.

Jill was someone who heightened my anxiety. Each of the three times she came to my home she brought and left more stuff. A self help book, a ramen kit, the entire Teen Titans collection of DVDs. It was like she was trying to move in. She also liked to deride my taste in things, frequently calling me a pleb when I mentioned a band or show I liked.

She was working on a gorgeous little decorative table in her woodworking program. The main wood for the top had a beautiful dapple of knots like jaguar spots, and when she showed me a picture I exclaimed how pretty it was.

“Do you want it?”

“Oh- I mean it’s lovely, I wouldn’t mind having it, but you should sell it and make some money!”

But she was adamant. She’d give me the little side table. At about this time, Alice was starting to get awfully lovey for a FWB. I knew she wasn’t happy with her husband but I also knew we were not a good fit. Fun fact: Alice and her husband were step siblings with a pretty hefty age gap. They got together when he stumbled upon a kink photo shoot she’d done with vegetables. None of their family was happy about the relationship but they weren’t related by blood so it was fine.

So I was fending off more overt romantic advances from Alice, and feeling increasingly like I needed to break things off with Jill. Snakebites wasn’t ever initiating communication and I decided to pull a lot of plugs at once.

I ghosted Snakebites, told Alice that I thought we should cool it, and in a move worthy of a rom-com I asked my beloved if I could pretend we were exclusive to put off Jill. They agreed and I texted Jill to let her know that I was no longer single.

I was not prepared for Jill’s response. She. Was. Devastated. She flew off the handle. She’d just been waiting for the right time to tell me how she felt about me! How dare I do this to her!

What about the table?!

“You should keep the table, it’s gorgeous, you’ll be able to sell it, but I don’t expect a free table.”

Silence met me after that text. I worried and fretted and eventually headed home.

There on my doorstep. The table.

It was a small little end table, reeking of oil and polish, but very beautiful. I brought it inside. The little drawer didn’t even have a knob or guide rails. But it did have a handwritten bill proclaiming that it was costing me $500.

“I can’t afford a $500 table, Jill!” I texted.

“Well you kept saying how nice it was. I spent a lot of time on it.”

“I’m not saying it’s not worth $500” (it wasn’t, it was a tiny side table made by an apprentice) “but I can’t buy a $500 table.”

“Make me an offer.”

I stared at the little table. I did actually like it, but I worried about the repercussions of entering into this deal. Hesitantly I typed back, “$300.” I didn’t think it was worth that much but I didn’t want to insult her too badly.

This suited her for the night. But the next day she informed me she needed a new bed, and that she’d take her $300 in credit toward a new mattress. I spent the whole next day basically wrangling with her over what she wanted and eventually she spiked back up to demanding $500 for the damn table.

“Let me just give it back,” I begged. It was not the first, second, or even third time I’d asked to return the thing but this time she finally relented and gave me her address. Since she lived with her parents still I’d never been over.

I called up my beloved and said, “Hey, I need moral support, can you run an errand with me?”

They agreed which is how we loaded up a self help book, a ramen kit, the entire Teen Titans DVD collection, and the table from hell into my little car together. Jill had said to meet her at one o'clock. I intended to drop everything off at noon and be done with this madness.

But while my beloved and I were on the doorstep leaving everything I heard, “Jill? You’re home early,” through the door. Her mom opened it to peer at us in confusion.

“I was just bringing Jill’s stuff back!” I chirped in alarm.

With little tact and a lot of speed we left her with Jill’s collection of things and then I sped out of there like my tail was on fire. I handed my phone to my beloved as I zoomed away instructing them to block Jill’s number. I was free. The tabletross around my neck had been returned.

It was about a month after that when my beloved and I officially began dating exclusively. I had wrapped up all my messy dating threads and it was a relief to be in a relationship again. They went on a trip to Mexico shortly after we made it official.

So I knew they were out of town. But next morning I walked out to my car and beheld a lipstick kiss pressed to the drivers side window.

I was petrified. I had just dumped three girls at once and had an extremely messy back and forth with one of them. Did I have a stalker?!

Of the girls, Alice seemed like likeliest candidate, being of a stronger lipstick variety girl than Jill or Snakebites. We had ended things a bit stiffly, but still cordial. She just laughed when I asked if she knew anything about it. “Nope,” she said, “but good luck.”

I’d rather have walked over broken glass then text Jill, and I’d firmly ghosted Snakebites so I was scared to reopen communication to ask if she was stalking me. I had to drop it. But it haunted me, that lipstick kiss.

For months I was jumpy, wondering which of my spurned lovers had done it. And why. Was it a threat? A goodbye? I lay awake thinking about it, worrying about how everyone I’d dated knew where I lived, which car was mine.

Finally, nothing else happened and I moved on. The kiss would remain a mystery and I had to be content with that.

It was a year later when I finally started filling my mom in on my dating escapades that I finally got closure. She was hooting and laughing as I went over the table debacle. Then I paused and added, “And then this kiss showed up on my car.”

“Did you like it?”

“What? No! I’m pretty sure one of them was stalking me! Who else would leave a kiss on my car?”

My mom started bellowing with laughter. “I did!” She wheezed.

Apparently. My mother had been driving by my place. And decided that a cute little gesture would be to leave me a kiss. And then decided to never mention it to me even though she’s never done anything like that previously.

“It scared the crap out of me!” I yelled while she collapsed with helpless laughter. “I thought I had a stalker! How could I possibly have known that was you?!”

“How could I have known you’d just broken up with three girls at once?” She wheezed in rejoinder and like. Fair play.

So that’s how my mom convinced me I had a stalker and I got out of buying a $500 table.

[sweetbans29]

Long Way Home - CC

Pairing: Caitlin Clark x Reader

Part 2

Summary: Due to a huge miscommunication, Caitlin and your sister Kate are put through the worst week of their life (based on THIS request)

Warnings: angst my peeps (you asked for it), a happy ending

Word Count: 3.2k

Sweetbans Masterlist

AN:

"I don't want you to go," Caitlin says, holding you against her. Your girlfriend of 2 years has not let you go for the last 3 days.

"That makes two of us," your older sister Kate says as she finishes making the three of you grilled cheeses.

Typically you would be the one to cook but since Caitlin had her arms around you 24/7 and the fact that you wouldn't be there pretty soon to make sure they are fed, you opted to let Kate take the lead in making food.

You were given your assignment a few days back and are about to head overseas. You knew this day was coming and so did your family and friends, but knowing never made it any easier.

Growing up, you knew you wanted to serve your country when you graduated high school. You knew when your elementary school hosted a day when active military staff and veterans came to your school for a service day. Your little third-grade self looked up to them and wanted to be them someday.

You went into the military right out of high school - going through training and then getting stationed only about twenty minutes out from where your older sister was going to college. It honestly was the best possible outcome for you starting off.

Kate meant the world to you. She's been your best friend since day one. Growing up people always thought the two of you were twins and honestly, you would have believed them. Kate is only 16 months older than you. The way your parents put you in school, Kate was a grade above you which kept the two of you close. The hardest year was when she went to college and you were stuck in your senior year of high school. The two of you would talk 24/7. She kept you updated on the transition from high school to college and you would keep her updated on your parents.

It was in Kate's sophomore year that Caitlin came onto the scene - Kate and she had become good friends as Kate took the freshman under her wing. You met Caitlin only a few weeks after Kate. You had some time in between training and your first post - deciding it would be fun to spend a few weeks with Kate. She introduced the two of you and it was like you had known each other your whole lives.

It was on that same trip that Caitlin asked you out, of course asking Kate for permission first. You didn't hesitate to say yes and the rest has been history. Caitlin's love for you hit hard right from the start and never stopped growing - you were the person to come into her life and opened her eyes as to why it hasn't worked with anyone else. Caitlin knew you were her end game.

Once you were stationed just outside of Iowa City, you moved in with Kate. Life was the best it had been in a while. You would go to all of Kate and Calitlin's home games and support them to the best of your ability. It was cool to get to meet more of their team, and they all loved you. How could they not? Kate and your apartment had been the hub for a lot of the team hangouts. It was a no-brainer since you had the best setup. Caitlin also practically lived there, which was also a pull as she would encourage the team since it meant she got to spend more time with you.

Slowly but surely Caitlin started bringing stuff over and found a home for it within your room. You not once complained seeing as she didn't really have much but knew how serious it was when she brought over her PS5 and her most worn basketball shoes.

"Are you sure it is okay that I am bringing all this stuff over?" She asks.

"I promise you, babe. It is perfect." You say and give her a smile.

"I just don't want to overstep," she says and you take hold of her shoulders.

"Hey - you know I don't make promises I don't mean," you say. She nods sheepishly. "I promise, this is exactly where you are meant to be." You reassure her.

When you found out you would be going overseas you had a sit-down conversation with Caitlin to break the news to her. She doesn't hide her frustration well but knows how much you pride yourself in serving your country. You tell her that when you go, she has to move in with Kate - not wanting either of your favorite people to be alone. You crack jokes with Caitlin about how she practically already lives there in an attempt to lighten the mood.

This brings it back to Kate making grilled cheeses with you sitting on the counter holding Caitlin.

"They are ready!" Kate yells in excitement over the perfectly cooked sandwiches. You grab a plate and immediately take a bite.

"Ahhh! Hot! Hot!" You say as you try to blow off the piece you had just taken a bite out, refusing to spit it out.

"Babe, you do that every time - will you ever learn?" Your girl teases you she grabs her own plate, blowing it off before taking a small bite herself.

"Hey, sometimes waiting is overrated." You say and go in for another bite. "Plus, when something is this good, if you could you would eat it in one bite."

The rest of the night is filled with light banter, cuddles from your girl, and another attempt at packing (which was quickly shut down when Caitlin held you captive on your bed, not allowing you to move).

Time moved faster than anyone would have liked as your send-off arrived. Your family came out, along with Caitlin and some of her team. They were there more as a support to Caitlin and Kate than to see you off but you were incredibly thankful for them.

You give hugs to your mom and dad first - they knew this day was coming and had much time to prepare yet still let out muffled sobs and final last-ditch pleas to stay.

You give hugs to all the girls who came in support of your two favorites and tell each and every one of them to watch over both Kate and Caitlin while you are away.

Kate is next. The two of you stand there embracing each other, neither of you saying anything knowing everything already. It is only before you release your sister that she whispers something in your ear.

"I've got her," Kate says and for the first time yet you feel a tear roll down your cheek. You wipe it away as fast as it appears, not wanting to make this any harder for anyone.

You whisper a thank you and release her - looking at her with the best smile you could muster up.

Finally, you turn to the love of your life. And runs into your embrace faster than you can brace for impact.

"I want to tell you not to go," she says with a sniffle. "But I know how much this means to you."

"I will be back before you know it," you say - trying to believe your own words. The truth is, you don't know when you will be back - this is an open-ended assignment which wasn't common in the military but due to where you are going is needed for the mission.

"I will call whenever I can and I will write," you tell her. "It will be our own little movie."

"Just come back to me, okay?" She says as your heart breaks hearing the desperation in her voice.

You separate from her just enough to reach down and grab her hand. A few months ago you had gotten her a dainty little ring embellished with diamonds for your anniversary. It was by no means an engagement ring or promise ring but in this moment it would have to do.

"I promise I'll come back to you," you say removing the band from her right hand and placing it on her ring finger. Caitlin knows to not take your promise lightly. She knows you would do anything to get back to her.

Both of you know that there is never a guarantee but the little gesture was enough for both of you to have faith in your promise.

You say your final goodbyes and before you know it you are off.

The first few months are hard as it is an adjustment for everyone. You Facetime Caitlin and Kate as much as you can - thankful that the wifi connection you had was stable. You told her as much as you could about where you were at, making sure not to disclose anything that would scare either of your girls. Kate would update you on the usual - this not being too far off from what her transition to college was. Caitlin on the other hand took the transition really hard, always crying in Kate's arms after the call ended. None of which was disclosed to you.

The next few months were harder as you were moved to a secondary location where the wifi was less stable - sometimes cutting out for a few weeks or more at a time. You sent letters to let them know you were doing okay even if a call didn't come. Every letter you would end with 'Slowly making my way back to you' then your signature. Caitlin would grip every word you wrote, most of the time falling asleep with them in her hand.

You were almost up to your year mark with no update on when you would be able to return home. They had moved you back to a base that had better wifi which was helpful in keeping up with Caitlin but still not as good at giving her a date when you would be home.

Caitlin was doing better and was able to keep her composure after calls with you. Whenever you would have a call with your girl, Kate would jump on towards the end of the call and tell you how Caitlin was really doing. Most of the time it would end with your girl getting frustrated with your sister for disclosing more than what was needed but you always appreciated it.

It was when things started to feel normal when it all hit the fan.

Kate and Caitlin had just finished their shoot-around before one of their home games and were about to head into the locker to get ready when one of the assistant coaches told them they needed to head to Coach Bluder's office immediately.

The two girls redirected to head to the office thinking it had to do with tonight's game. The sight they are met with is one that causes immediate confusion.

"Mom? Dad?" Kate asked, shocked to see her parents standing in her coach's office. Your mom is a wreck in the arms of your dad who has clearly shed his own fair share of tears. Coach Bluder looks like she has seen a ghost and tells Kate and Caitlin to take a seat.

"What's going on?" Caitlin says immediately feeling her stomach drop thinking there is only one reason they would be here.

"Why don't you two sit," Coach Bluder presses again.

"No, I think I would rather stand," Caitlin retorts. She is trying to tell herself if she doesn't give in to what they are asking then the news won't be real. Kate touches Caitlin's arm, starting to come to her own conclusions, and takes a seat.

Your dad is the first and only to speak.

"We got a visit this morning," he starts only looking into Caitlin's eyes. He refuses to look into his daughter's eyes, knowing he will not get through what needs to be said.

"There was an attack to which they said there were no survivors." He says as slow as molasses.

Caitlin just stares at him. Not yet has he mentioned your name or anything about you specifically which only prolongs reality.

Kate asks if they had to send you there to help out, then proceeds to ask if you are hurt. She doesn't understand why Mom is so torn up over that.

Your dad's eyes are still trained on Caitlin's, not breaking to look at Kate when she asks.

"It was her base-" Your dad barely gets out before Caitlin is countering.

"Bullshit," Caitlin says, not blinking twice. She refuses to believe the words coming from your dad's mouth. Normally this would have taken him back but under the circumstances, he was ready for any and all reactions.

That is when your mom cut in.

"They found her tags," she sniffles out. Before she is sobbing again she says, "Alongside an unidentifiable body."

"They are still searching, but they told us not to be hopeful." Your dad finishes as Kate breaks down like her mother.

Calitin on the other hand is completely numb. Her head is spinning and she feels like she is going to throw up. Before anyone can speak again, she runs out of the room.

She runs directly home, entering your once-shared apartment. She makes her way to your shared room and just stands in the doorway. She hadn't changed a single thing since you left, not wanting you to come home to a completely different place. That thought flies out the window when the pain settles in and the reality of you not returning hits her like a ton of bricks.

Caitlin's hands go swinging. Throwing anything she could get her hands on. By the time she is done, she is out of breath - the room looks like a tornado hit.

She finally falls to the floor - letting out the loudest cry.

Picking up one of your old Military sweatshirts, she puts it over her head and holds herself.

You on the other hand are sitting in the most uncomfortable plane imaginable - giddy to get back to surprise your two favorite girls. Your Leutienet set up a charter for you and a select other few to fly back to the States. It was something that only he and one other person knew about, not wanting news to get out.

You knew it was going to take you a long time to get back but with the three plane switches and delays due to equipment transfers - your 2 day trip quickly doubled.

It wasn't until day 4 that you were finally crossing back into US territory. Once your plane entered US airspace, your excitement grew even more. You knew there wasn't going to be any communication to anyone prior to your arrival which made the surprise that much more fun for you.

When you finally arrived at the base - you were met with a crowd of people. Confused, you started asking what happened. One of the captains pulled your group aside and let you know there was an attack and that they didn't know if you were a part of it or not.

It was hard to hear but you were so over the moon about seeing your sister and your girlfriend that you didn't think of the possibility of them thinking that you were a part of the bombing.

When you got in your rental - you thought it would be better to surprise them in person than give them a call. You want to see the joy in their eyes when they first hear your voice back home.

You make the drive to your apartment and park along the street. You are still in uniform as you walk up the steps of your apartment. It is the middle of the morning and expect both girls to be back from practice.

Unlocking the door you walk in.

All the blinds are closed and there are tissues everywhere. Food boxes are left on the table and counter, and most of the food is uneaten. You furrow your eyebrows as you see a sleeping Caitlin in Kate's lap. She looks absolutely sickly with her head being stroked by Kate as Kate's eyes try to adjust to the new light source entering their apartment.

The light is so bright that it takes her a few moments to make out the figure standing in the light as you.

"This isn't real," you hear Kate mumble. "You're not real."

You slowly close the door and make your way over to your sister. You were expecting excitement and happy tears and love as you walked in but were met with none of that.

"She's gone," Kate cries. "You're gone. This isn't real." She keeps saying over and over.

It is then when it hits you that everyone thought you were a part of the bombing.

You slowly make your way to your sister as you kneel in front of her and your still-sleeping girlfriend. Little to your knowledge, this was the first time that Kate was able to get Caitlin to sleep for more than 10 minutes before she ended up screaming your name and jolting awake.

Kate is so defeated that her hand doesn't even come up to try and touch you to see if you are real. She is so convinced she is hallucinating.

It is only when your hand comes up and touches her face that she lets out a gasp and a sob. She cries out your name, waking Caitlin.

Caitlin blinks a few times while she sits up. Her hands come to rub her eyes, trying to get them to unblur from all the built-up tears that had fallen.

She smells you before she sees you. Feeling a sense of peace wash over her before more tears are falling. She still hasn't seen you kneeling right in front of her. Kate is sobbing into a pillow - in shock at who is before her.

Your hand comes up to Caitlin's and she jumps, removing it from yours. Tears begin to roll down your face as you can't imagine the living hell she has been through these last few days.

"Caitlin," you say in the gentlest tone. Her head whips up, eyes finally meeting yours.

At first, her eyes flash with rage. Not rage at you but rage at herself for initially believing you are there. They are then in shock - not comprehending the sight in front of her. Her heart stops as she says your name.

Your hands come to her face as you caress both of her cheeks.

"They said you were gone," Caitlin says in disbelief. tears streaming down her face as her hands come up to yours. "They found your tags." Caitlin really doesn't know what to say. She still doesn't believe you're in front of her until she hears you speak again.

"I promised I would come back to you, when have I ever broken a promise?" You say as you bring her in for a kiss.

AN: Welp here it is - let me know what you think! And as always, thank you for your love and support 🤍

[spacesapphi]

HES Trio Headcanons (the third)

That's right guys, another one (my brain is rotted). These three live in my head rent free

some the Shane ones are sad again, sorry

Elliott

-had a pet hermit crab as a kid, he's always been a friend of the crabs!

- prefers fancy, decorative candles to scented ones. The prettier the better!

- trying his best to make his room look like Howls from Howls Moving Castle. That clutter of beautiful trinkets is exactly what he wants for a setup

- loves wearing his hair in braids, but is terrible at doing braids on himself. He usually asks Leah

- Willy is like a father to him. His bio father was not a kind man, and Willy is everything he wished his father could be and more

- Willy taught him how to fish too, and he's actually pretty good at it!

- very into a "method acting" style of writing, as in he'll live like a character he's trying to write for a while until he feels like he can realistically interpret them in his writing

- faked a British accent for about a month in middle school because he thought it sounded very sophisticated and artsy

Harvey

- won't tell anyone, but he enjoys little Saturday morning cartoons now and then. It reminds him of the moments of joy he felt when he was little and he cherishes that

- tried to shave off his mustache once and seeing how he looked without it scared him so bad he vowed not to do it again. It looks so bad 😭💔

- wears that Ebenezer scrooge lookin nightgown and cap unironically, swears that it helps him sleep better

- lactose intolerant and has a gluten allergy. He doesn't like cheese and baked goods because of it, they make him really sick

- that being said, if u made/bought him gluten free stuff he would act like he owes his life to you

- once he was at the library at the same time Penny was tutoring the kids. It was during free reading time and Vincent told him he looked like a character in the book he was reading. It was Geronimo Stilton. Harvey has still not recovered from that

- really wanted siblings as a little kid but never had them, so he created an imaginary friend for himself and pretended to go on aviation missions with them

- has a lil gap between his front teeth, he gets a bit shy about it, but it's cute when he smiles and you can see it

Shane

- I changed my height headcanon, bro is 5'3 now

- his ENTIRE family is very short, his mom and Marnie are 5'0. Jas' parents were tall though so once she's older she's absolutely towering over Marnie and Shane

- had very long hair before taking in Jas. For many reasons, especially maintenance, he's kept it short since adopting her

- Him stealing food from Joja is a habit built from necessity, from the time before he moved back in with Marnie. He got to the point financially that he was often stealing food for him and Jas, because he was often forced to choose between groceries and paying rent.

- he's not a vegetarian, but he refuses to eat chicken specifically. Everytime he tries, he just can't bring himself to do it. He loves chickens too much

- even then, he still ate very little. Stealing was risky and he wanted to make sure Jas was given what she needed first. He always had her eat first, and would eat whatever she didn't, like crusts or veggies she didn't like. The night he moved back in with Marnie was the first time he had an actual meal in about a year

- After he starts recovery, he tries to be better friends with Penny given that she's Jas' teacher. She isn't very interested in being close with him, but he still tries to be friendly

- has an arsenal of dad jokes at the ready at any given moment, you are not prepared for how corny this man gets

- forever salty that LEWIS of all people is beating him on the junimo kart leaderboards

- He and Sam have a workplace besties kinda relationship. They still stay pretty good friends after Joja closes, Shane goes to all of his bands shows to show support

- the only festivals he really cares about are the egg festival, luau and Stardew valley fair. The rest he'll go to because it makes Jas and Marnie happy, but those three he has a passion for

[wh0re43van]

Just friends- (Peter Maximoff X Reader)

Summary: While staying with the Maximoff family, you admit your feelings to your best friend, and he doesn’t seem to feel the same until you inform him that you’re going on a date with another guy

Word count: 4K

Warnings: angst, sad Peter, a brief mention of Unsolicited groping

I’m so thankful for the Maximoffs. They’re allowing to stay with them for a couple months after getting kicked out of my parents’ home. I’m rooming with my best friend of four years, and I’ve never been happier. As soon as he heard about my situation, he welcomed me into his home- into his bedroom- with open arms.

“Honey, I’m home,” The goofball announces as he walks into our temporally shared room holding two pizzas, a 2 liter of dr. pepper, a bag of breadsticks with all the fixings, and a rented copy of The Exorcist.

“Wow, what’s the occasion?” I giggle, sitting up in our his bed, setting down the book I had been reading.

With a fwp, he’s turned down the lights, popped the movie in and arranged the food at the foot of the bed before sitting beside me, now in his pajamas.

“It’s a party!” he gives me a cheesy grin, popping open the pizza box and pulling out two slices, handing one to me.

“Oh god, Peter are we really so lame that this is what we consider a party?” I laugh before taking a bite of the greasy pizza, still hot since Peter was able to get it here in less than three seconds.

“This is the best kind of party! Hanging with your best friend, piggin’ out on junk food, and watching a bitchin’ horror movie? What else could a dude ask for?” He says as he stuffs his face, licking his greasy fingers. I cant help but laugh at the man child sitting beside me, even though it hurts my heart a bit knowing that he only considers me his friend. Don’t get me wrong, I’m more than grateful for Peter (and his mother) being in my life, but I just always hoped for more. It’s been four years and nothing’s escalated despite my many attempts, so I guess it’s time to accept that. I mean, we’re out of high school now, were adults. If he hasn’t shown interest by now then I guess it’s a lost cause. “Besides,” he smacks his lips, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. “The main thing that makes this a party is the fact that you’re here,” he gives a goofy wink, making my cheeks tint pink- but he doesn’t seem to notice.

“How flattering,” I nudge him playfully before opening the 2 liter, taking a sip out of the bottle then handing it to Peter. He mimics my action, then lets out a loud belch.

‘how in the hell does this man have me absolutely smitten over him,’ think to myself as he shoves an entire breadstick into his mouth.

“Whatever,” he chuckles looking away for a second.

“God damn Peter,” my eyes go wide when I see that he’s already eaten half a large pizza.

“What?” he asks as he holds his head up, his arm extended as he lets the cheese slide off the crust into his mouth. “Gotta fuel my metabolism, these rock hard abs don’t just appear overnight,” he snickers before lifting up his shirt, revealing his toned stomach, then takes another gulp out of the soda bottle.

“I guess your body does look pretty good for someone whose diet is 50% carbs and 50% sugar,” I tease, thanking whatever deity it is above us that the lights are too dim for him to see the blush rushing over my face as I stare at his bare stomach.

“You’d think the chicks would be all over this,” he wiggles his eyebrows before deepthroating another breadstick. “They wouldn’t know charm if it bit ‘em in the ass,” he mumbles through a mouth full of bread as marinara sauce drips down his face. “I mean come on, how do I not get girls?” He snickers as he wipes his grubby hands on his pants. I roll my eyes at the messy boy.

“Peter, I know you very well,” I reach for my second slice of pizza. “The reason you don’t get girls is because you can never tell when they’re flirting with you,” I tease, but meaning every word. He’s the dullest guy ever when it comes to picking up on social cues.

“I know,” he chuckles as he turns to look at me. “Real shame too. Sometimes I realize it after they’ve already walked away. Sucks cause I probably coulda’ lost my V-card by now if I understood the first thing about gals. I really can’t pick up on flirting” he says matter-o-factly as he takes a sip of soda.

“Oh, I know all too well, Peter,” I laugh out, my eyes focused on the tv screen. He gives a soft, almost confused laugh, then he’s silent for a minute before speaking up.

“Wait a minute,” he sits up straight in the bed. “Are you implying that even you’ve flirted with me?” he asks with wide eyes full of skepticism. I take a deep breath, sitting up to be eye level with him.

“Peter,” I start, he’s staring intently at me with his brows threaded in confusion. “The only reason I talked to you for the first time was because I thought you were cute,” I laugh out. How can he be so dense?! He stares at me in bewilderment in silence. I can see the gears turning in his head as he thinks back to our first encounter all those years ago.

“Oh my god!” he comes to the realization. “You were flirting with me that summer day in the arcade?” he asks still shocked. It makes my heart happy that he remembers the first time we met. “How did I not realize. God I’m stupid,” he slaps his palm to his forehead.

“Only took ya four years, Quickie,” I tease before taking a sip of Dr. Pepper. “Wasn’t the very first thing that I ever said to you: ‘You’re really good at that, handsome’?” I say and he repeats the quote with me, smiling and nodding. He remembers it word for word. “Come on man, how did you not know?” I chuckle. His eyes are still full of disbelief.

“I was really focused on the game!” his face turns red as he has another epiphany: “That probably wasn’t the only time, was it?” he asks, rubbing his hand on the back of neck, letting out a small laugh.

“God no,” I chuckle, a bit embarrassed but enjoying reminiscing on our friendship none the less. “Remember, two weeks after that, I invited you out to go roller skating?” I ask.

“Yeah of course, you were wearing that limited edition ‘Eagles’ shirt that you still to this day won’t let me touch,” he laughs. I thought that having this conversation would help me get over him, but hearing how well he remembers all our fondest memories together makes me swoon.

“Well, when I asked you, I meant it as a date,” I admit, watching his face once again fill with bewilderment. “But the whole time you were calling me dude and roughhousing me, I just assumed you either didn’t like me that way or you were to dumb to realize it was a date. Lucky for you, I had a lot of fun and chose to ignore it,” I nudge him playfully. He face palms himself again.

“Y/n, I had no idea. I never in a million years thought a girl as rad as you would be interested in me in that way, so the idea of a date never even crossed my mind,” he flops back on the bed, processing all of this new information. “Wait do you still flirt with me? How oblivious have I been? Oh my god am I still missing stuff?” he shoots back up in the bed once again..

“Peter,” I say flatly. “Just last week I changed right Infront of you. I literally stripped into just my bra and panties right next to the tv when you were playing Space Invaders,” I can’t believe this guy. He blushes thinking back to that moment.

“I thought we were just really comfortable with each other! We change infront of each other all the time,” he chuckles nervously. “I still tried not to look out of respect, but I’d be lying if I say I didn’t sneak a glance or two though,” he admits but looks away, avoiding eye contact.

“It’s alright Peter,” I sigh as I close up the pizza box before laying back to watch the movie. “Once a girl comes along that you’re actually interested in, I’m sure you’ll pick up on her signals,” I say not looking at him, accepting my defeat. He’s quiet for a moment.

“Well, how do I know?” he asks genuinely. I look at him, raising my eyebrow, waiting for him to elaborate. “Like, obviously I know a hot chick when I see one, but how do I know when I’m actually interested. I’m clueless y/n,” he lets out a light laugh after the last part, seeming a bit embarrassed as he intently awaits my answer.

“Well,” I prop myself up on my arm to look at him. “I guess it would have to be more than physical attraction. If you’re genuinely interested, then you’ll want more than her body, but also want more than just her friendship. You’ll want to talk to her, to just be in her presence. You’ll care about what she thinks about you. Stuff like that,” I shrug, not sure how to explain what attraction feels like to someone who claims to have never felt it before. He nods silently, absorbing my words. The fact that he hasn’t laughed in my face yet for admitting to liking him is giving me false hope that he could possibly feel the same way. I need this conversation to end soon.

“So it would have to be someone I can see a future with? Someone that I want to impress? Someone that I genuinely care about? But also someone who’s super smokin’?” he asks, wanting a genuine answer. I smile downwardly.

“You’re getting it now,” I sigh. “I’ll be jealous of whatever girl wins your heart over,” I laugh, holding my breath in anticipation for how he’s going to respond to that, preparing to have my hopes crushed so I can move on.

“Oh don’t worry,” he smirks. Here we go. “I’ll make room for the both of you,” he winks. And there it is. My stomach drops, but it’s out now. Now I know that he’s not interested, I know for sure that I’m going on this date tonight. Part of me hoped that Peter would admit his feelings and I could cancel this stupid date, but I have to get out there. “Oh! No, y/n I didn’t mean-” Peters smile drops, and he reaches for my arm.

“No, I get it. It’s cool, man,” I force a smile, standing from his bed, checking my wristwatch. “I gotta get ready for my date anyway. I didn’t even realize what time it was,” I say honestly as I walk over to my suitcase.

“Woah, what?” he zooms in front of me, blocking my bag. “Date?” he asks, a bit of panic in his voice. I scoff, pushing him to the side.

“Yeah, I went to the arcade yesterday while you were out with your mom, now I have a date,” I smile weakly as I strip, then slip into my dress before I walk over to my mirror that I hung on his wall to fix my makeup.

“No- y/n- i- that’s- who… whos your date with?” his words fall out a stumbled mess as if he can’t sort his thoughts from one another.

“Steve. Ya know, the one from the arcade that’s always trying to beat your high scores,” I explain as I brush my hair.

“Steve!?” He shouts in disbelief. “That asshole? Y/n come on, man!,” he almost sounds angry.

“Yeah?” I shrug as I apply some lip gloss. I see Peter pacing behind me in the reflection of the mirror.

“Steve? Really?” he throws his hands up.

“He’s cute. Plus, you know I have a thing for nerds,” I remind him. His face turns red. Why is he acting like this? He just crushed my dream of being with him and now he wants to act jealous?

“Cute?! You mean you’re not just going to be nice?” He sounds so shocked and almost hurt. I turn around to face him.

“I- of course Peter why would I-,” I’m completely flustered. “No.” I say sternly. “No Peter. You don’t get to do this. You had four years man, and just 15 minutes ago I admitted my feelings for you and you said that you didn’t feel the same,” I’m getting frustrated with him, I can feel my blood pressure raising out of anger and embarrassment.

“But that’s not- I didn’t- no you misunderstood!” he starts to raise his voice, laced with panic. “What if I do have feelings for you?” he asks with pleading eyes.

“Do not do this. Peter please don’t do this to me! You can’t suddenly have feelings for me just because I have a date with you nerd enemy!” I shout as my ears burn red with anger. “Don’t be immature,” I poke my finger to his chest, completely irate. He looks like his mind is running a thousand miles a minute. It takes him a couple seconds to rebuttal.

“No! I never said I don’t have feelings! Y/n I didn’t say that!” he shouts, but his voice isn’t angry, it’s worried as he places a hand on my heated cheek.

“No Peter,” I say calmly even though I’m beyond frustrated as I pull away from his touch. “You’re really hurting me right now. You’re the last guy I ever expected to fuck with my emotions like this,” tears well up in my eyes. I can’t believe what he’s doing. My ego was already bruised when he didn’t respond to my confession and now he’s trying to keep me from a date just because the dude plays video games just as well as him. Peter stares at me, his hand still outstretched in the air where he tried to console me. He doesn’t say anything.

Honk! Honk!

Steves car horn sounds from outside the Maximoff home, beckoning me.

“Please don’t go,” his voice is feeble. “Please just give me some time to think. Just five minutes to figure this out,” he pleads with desperate eyes. I almost give in, but I stay strong.

“Peter, there’s a guy outside this house that already has his feelings sorted. You stay here and figure it out. I’m leaving,” I seethe as I stare at his confused and hurt expression, almost making me apologize, but I’m too hurt and embarrassed. He doesn’t say anything, he just grips his fists so tight that his knuckles turn white, his jaw clenches, and I see that he’s holding back tears. I immediately turn to run up the steps because if I look at him for one more second, I would be holding him in my arms, telling him I’m sorry and letting him cry it out. Not today.

•

•

After Steve picked me up, we went to dinner, then to the drive-in theatre. I’m having… a decent time. He’s a little boring compared to Peter, no one can make me laugh like he can. I’m also a bit distracted at how I left my best friend. I think I may have been too hard on him. Now that I’ve calmed down, I think he really was just trying to sort things out. I know that Peter isn’t the most emotionally mature and definitely doesn’t have a way with words.

‘oh god, what have I done?’ I think to myself in horror.

“What do you say, huh?” Steves deep voice shakes me out of my thoughts.

“I’m sorry,” I smile sweetly. “What was that?” I bat my lashes at him, hoping he doesn’t notice that I’ve been thinking about another guy the whole time he’s been speaking to me.

“I said: Why don’t we move to back?” he smirks motioning towards his back seat.

“Uh,” I know exactly what he’s alluding to. Do I really want to go down that road? “Yeah, okay,” I smile. I guess I do. We get out of the vehicle and hop into the back. He immediately pulls me into his lap. I’m a bit taken back by his sudden grip on my body.

“You ever been touched by a real man?” he asks as he peppers kisses all over my neck as his cold hands slip under my dress without even asking. I’m shocked, disgusted, and confused.

“I-uh- can you stop please?” I pull arm out of his grip and crawl out of his lap.

“Hey, I paid for your food and your ticket. You owe me!” he shouts, grabbing my arm again. I have so much pent up rage from earlier, I didn’t even realize it when my hand shot out to slap him across the face full force. He looked at me stunned before getting out of his car, opening the door and literally throwing me out. He picks me up by shoulders and tosses me onto the dusty, bare, dirt. He drives away without a single word.

“What the fuck,” I mutter to myself as I stand up, brushing the dirt off myself. A young man from the next car over rushes to the scene, asking if I’m okay. I simply thank him for his concern, then take the walk of shame back to Peters house.

Now I remember why I waited for Peter for so long; He’s the only decent guy I’ve ever met. As if the silent, cold, horrifying walk back to the Maximoff house at midnight wasn’t punishment enough, once I arrive and enter his bedroom, the sight I see makes my heart break completely in two. I feel physical pain when I see Peter.

His room is dark as he’s laid on his couch, curled up In a blanket, staring at the starter screen on his Tank video game on the box Television. The flashing light reflects on his blank face, allowing me to see his bloodshot eyes, red nose, and puffy lips from crying. He hasn’t seemed to notice me enter the room. My own eyes immediately fill up with the tears I was trying so hard to hold back.

“Peter,” I let out a somber whisper. He jumps up, looking at me with wide, puffy eyes.

“Are you crying?” he zooms up to me, grabbing my arm. “Did he hurt you?” he asks, putting a hand on my cheek. How can he still care about my feelings after how I left things?

“I’m okay Peter,” I lean into his touch. “I should have listened to you, though. You were right about him,” my tear stained eyes meet his. His face flushes in anger.

“What did he do to you? Is he still here? I swear I’ll kill the guy!” He raises his voice with every sentence, balling his hands into fists.

“It’s- I, uhm, would rather not talk about it,” I look down avoiding his gaze.

“Y/n, did he hurt you, yes or no? That’s all I need to know,” He gently lifts my chin to meet his gaze again but I close my eyes. I can’t look at him with out the guilt from making him cry making me feel sick.

“…Yes,” I Whisper, not wanting to elaborate. With a fwp Peter’s gone. I hear the front door open, I rush out to the sidewalk.

“Where the fuck is he?” Peter screams in a tone that I rarely hear from him. He turns to look at me, his once sad expression now pure unfiltered anger: A look I’ve never seen on him before. I’m almost scared.

“He’s not here Peter, I had to walk home from the drive in,” I sigh. Peter looks at me as if he doesn’t believe what I’m saying. He kicks the neighbor’s trash can in anger. With a loud clang, the metal bin is sent flying down the street, his foot mark now permanently indented in the can.

‘Steve’s lucky he isn’t here right now. Jesus Christ’ I think to myself.

“Let’s just go inside, please. I need to talk to you,” I say softly as I grab his tensed arm. He looks at me, his expression softening before he allows me to lead him inside.

I bring him in and sit him down on the couch, it’s silent for a few beats, neither one of us want to look at the other one.

“I’m sorry,” we both blurt out at the same time, snapping our heads to look at each other. The awkwardness subsides as we smile at each other. We both try to start our apology at the same time, then erupt into giggles.

“Let me go first,” I put a light hand on Peters knee. He shakes his head ‘no’.

“No. I’m going first. I finally got everything sorted out,” he takes a deep breath. “Y/n, I do have feelings for you and I’m sorry. I’m just a stupid boy that never learned how to process emotions. You’re amazing! You’re my best friend and I feel so horrible that I hurt you. When you were explaining what it felt like to be attracted to someone, you just explained word for word how I feel about you. I was just confused, everything happened so fast, and I honestly thought you were joking with me at first. I’ve always kind of had the hots for you, but I never in a million years thought that you could ever be attracted to me, so I locked those thoughts away. I’m sorry that I couldn’t express this sooner. I’m so so sorry,” he says in a rush of words, I almost have trouble keeping up with the words coming out of his mouth. His big brown puppy eyes scan my face for my reaction. I just smile at him, tears once again swelling in my eyes for about the third time tonight.

“Peter, you’re such a sweet guy,” I grin and his face beams with joy. “I was such an asshole to you earlier… I’m sorry. My ego and my heart were hurt and I should not have taken that out on you. The way that you still cared about me when I got back from that awful date even though I had upset you right before I left just shows how amazing of a person you are. You are the best thing in my life,” a tear rolls down my cheek, Peter quickly wipes it away.

“Hey, come here,” he says softly before pulling me into his chest. As he pulls me into his strong arms, the scent of his cologne and the warmth of his body makes me forget about every problem I’ve ever had. The steady rise and fall of his chest and his fingers running though my hair could put me to sleep in an instant. “I don’t blame you for anything. That situion just unfolded really poorly and we both said some things we shouldn’t have, but that’s over now,” he kisses my forehead as I snuggle further into him.

“Thank you, Peter,” I yawn as I wrap my arms around his torso. He continues brushing his fingers through my hair and tracing mindless designs on my back, I feel myself drifting off to sleep, all the stress I had been feeling now completely subsided. I lay in his arms, wrapped in comfort as if he’s a warm towel straight out of the dryer. I hear him whisper,

“Goodnight, beautiful,” as he clicks off the tv with the remote. A small smile creeps onto my lips as I slip off to sleep.

[pristinekanesays]

 🦋 Life Is Strange: Relationship Headcanons.

🦋 some short headcanons on what it's like in a relationship with my six favourites :)

🐺 GN!Reader, no specific pronouns are mentioned!

🦋 warnings: cheesy romantic stuff, swearing, jealousy, insecurities and toxic relationships (nathan)

🎧A/N: I send these out faster than my brain can handle, I have no idea why it hasn't turned to pure dust yet.

🦋Chloe Price:

🤍Wacky, trashy dates that don't cost a ton of money, she definitely cannot afford to go to super expensive places so the junkyard, train tracks and just simply walking about late at night is the best you're gonna get.

🤍On one date, she bought/possibly stole this tacky little lighthouse figure for you so you could put it nearby and when you see it, you'll automatically think of her.

🤍She was SO nervous asking you out even if you guys were super close, like shaking and fidgeting with her hands type of nervous.

🤍Offers to paint your nails sometimes but she literally only owns black nail polish, so you'll have to make do.

🤍She totally believes she's a badass 100%, I'd be lying if I said she hasn't climbed through your window at least once.

🤍Jealous? She's in the middle, she trusts you but is also scared some dickhead is gonna get the wrong idea.

🍂Kate Marsh:

🤍She seems like she'd enjoy those cute little picnic dates or movie nights, as long as it's not a horror movie. Kate can't cope when she's watching ANYTHING horror-wise, she's holding onto your arm the whole time.

🤍She'll buy you a small gift here and there but she also likes sketching you or painting your favourite place to go together, she's pretty artistic.

🤍If you couldn't tell already, she ADORES you, she could literally spend hours just looking at you.

🤍When she finally confesses to you, she cries happy tears and stares at you in pure disbelief as if she's just waiting for you to tell her it's a prank or somethin'.

🤍Kate trusts you entirely and knows you won't just leave her, not after all the things you guys have gone through together.

📷Max Caulfield:

🤍You have to be on pretty good terms with Chloe, she's literally Max's best friend. As long as you aren't a major asshole, you'll be fine.

🤍She takes photos of you, so many photos. Photos at the beach, photos at the diner, photos of you half asleep, photos of you in a banana costume that one halloween, photos of you brushing your teeth.

🤍It's like dating your best friend, even if you guys weren't that close when you first met, you are now motherfucker!

🤍Max can't cook, at all. Do not expect anything other than burnt grilled cheese or off-brand cereal if you were to ever get anything breakfast-wise.

🤍If you can cook then, oh boy! She will definitely refer to you as her beloved private chef with a huge grin on her face.

🤍Max thinks being jealous is for cheesy middle schoolers, she doesn't really care.

 🎭Rachel Amber:

🤍Oh my god, she fucking loves you. In her eyes, you're literally an angel with wings that she scored with pure luck, she 100% hangs out with you nearly all time and is a little paranoid that something could happen to you out of the blue.

🤍Expensive gifts, you're literally collecting them from her at this point. On your birthday, she read out a poem she wrote herself with dramatics and all.

🤍She has to be really close with you to fall genuinely head over heels so, well done!

🤍Unlike Max, Rachel can actually cook like she could serve up a whole 5 star, three course meal with rarely any effort.

🤍She has a box under her bed which is just full of photos and sketches of the both of you.

🤍It's in Rachel's blood to be..a little jealous, she'd be broken if you were to just lose interest in her completely.

 🎬Victoria Chase:

🤍Shocker but you HAVE to get along with Nathan, or somehow tolerate him but I can understand how that could be hard.

🤍Victoria is so damn wealthy and is nearly always buying you cute little necklaces or expensive ass things to put in your room, she loves going on dates with you but she'll freak out if anyone sees you together in public and you aren't nearly as popular as her.

🤍She also takes photos of you a lot, she has a weird nerdy side that only you and Nathan really know about.

🤍If she's open about your relationship, she definitely posts those cheesy middle-school posts about you and refers to you as `her light, her inspiration and the moon to her sun` she 100% sees herself as the sun because she's bright and fun and you're just you.

🤍Victoria gets jealous SO easily. She has to bite her tongue to stop her from saying something she shouldn't sometimes, she'll just look at you with an annoyed ass look on her face if you're doing something she doesn't like.

🎮 Warren Graham:

🤍Ever stayed up till 4:30AM playing shitty ass multiplayer games with snacks in your lap like you need junk food to survive? Well, now you'll be doing that all the time with him! He seriously won't give up and he's the first person to let you know when the new game you guys have been wanting to buy is on sale.

🤍He's a dork but he's a dork that helps you with studying when you need it, he's already outside your door before you can even pick up your phone to text him.

🤍You know those zodiac tiktoks kids make? Yeah, he'll have a fucking fit if they're not accurate and he seriously believes those but will pretend he doesn't.

🤍He'll maybe buy you a cheap ass video game here and there but other than that he'll probably just write you a little love letter and slide it under your door which is SO fucking cute.

🤍Warren can get jealous sometimes and I feel like he'd be kind of insecure about if he's a good boyfriend or not.

 🧨Nathan Prescott:

🤍If I'm being honest, it isn't the healthiest relationship exactly and he freaks the fuck out if you stop replying to his texts suddenly because he needs your attention constantly.

🤍He's terrified that you'll get fed up of his shitty behaviour and bail, so he's constantly trying to make it up to you. He'll buy you a new camera, expensive equipment or just blow up your phone if that doesn't work.

🤍He'd be open about your relationship depending on your popularity and if you're a guy or not, he's still probably going through some denial but he still loves you the same even if he's a complete asshole.

🤍Nathan suffers from really bad nightmares and without warning you'll just wake up to him shuffling around your room in the middle of the night and then ask if he can stay over but pretend he didn't the next day, even though it keeps happening nearly every night.

🤍So jealous, like really jealous, he wants you to only have eyes for him and is a sucker for your attention only.

[seltzer-tastes-pretty-good]

Some Pico, Darnell and Nene headcanons

-Pico stims by scratching the side of his gun with his thumb. In the events he's without a weapon, he'll just scratch his own palm.

-Darnell is the smartest among his friend group. He also serves as most of his group's impulse control.

-Nene has a mild case of spectrophobia. Her bathroom mirror is covered up by a hand towel, and she'll generally avoid rooms with mirrors unless she needs to.

-Pico has a small hard drive connected to his PC. on it, contain a shit ton of sfw files of various flash pieces, mostly from Negrounds, as his own private archive. His long standing grudge at Adobe for killing flash is, thus far, unsatisfied

-Darnell, whenever he's home, will put on one of those "ambient fireplace noises background noise" Youtube videos. He can't really sleep or even relax without one of those playing

-Nene was really big on the show '1000 Ways to Die' while it was still airing. She bought a bootleg 'complete series DVD' of the show once.

-Pico's favorite food is macaroni and cheese, Darnell's is onion rings and Nene's is cinnamon toast

-Pico and Darnell spar kind of a lot. Sometimes when angry, sometimes when just bored. Darnell is usually the one to patch both of them up afterward

-Darnell usually walks Nene home at the end of the day, once the three are done hanging out. He's mostly just wanting to make sure she doesn't try to hurt herself on the way back. Pico tags along too, just in case anyone else tries to jump on them. Safety in numbers and all that.

-Nene can and will run her mouth off to anyone to listen to her special interest, seals. Usually, that person is Pico. He doesn't exactly care for the animal, but he hates not having any noise going on, to keep any bad thoughts away

On their relationship with Boyfriend (when not hired to kill him at least):

-Boyfriend and Pico, of course, dated for a bit of time, having met when BF was on an unguided tour of (read, broke into) the Newgrounds hq. The two hit it off pretty good, at least, at first. Boyfriend found Pico's contract killer life a bit too much for him, something that gave him a mild case of insomnia. Pico, having experienced what he did and having never forget what it did to him, agreed he didn't want BF to go through what he did and agreed to break it off after they talked it out. He didn't exactly feel he could leave the life behind, anyways, what would his friends say?

-Darnell and Boyfriend get along great. The two of them follow each other on Soundcloud at least, and they often hang out. The two actually collabed on a song. "Fresh - Boyfriend Mix" - which was a gift for GF.

-Nene, as soon as he heard BF and Pico broke up, immediately went like, "Oh, you want me to kill em then?", something Pico had to correct pretty fast. BF thankfully went by unharmed, mostly, but still gets a little nervous around Nene. Pico assures him that Nene won't just up and kill him without reason, but BF likes to play it a bit more cautious. She does love her knives after all.

On their relationship with Girlfriend:

-when the ex of your lover is still their friend, things can usually be a bit contentious, but GF doesn't want it to be that way. This is why she's usually super nice to Pico whenever he's around. She's usually the one to pay for stuff when she, BF and Pico's crew hang around, rich parents and all. Pico finds it a bit odd, but isn't gonna just turn down her hospitality. He does find it odd, though, that BF broke up with him because his lifestyle was too much...and then went on to date a demon.

-Darnell and GF both have a mild fascination with fire, so they usually bond over that. Sometimes, they go out back to her family's trash pit just to throw shit in and watch it burn. Boyfriend sometimes joins as well, but he has a bit habit of leaning too close in and getting his hat caught on fire.

-Nene and GF are fairly good friends. The two hang out a lot for 'gal's nights out', where they chat about their friends, family, and usually just watch shit on Newgrounds together. One special time, GF was going on about how BF and GF protect each other, and Nene mentions her contract killer gig, and brings up if anyone wanted to hurt Boyfriend. Girlfriend shut the idea down there, stating 'if anyone tries to hurt boyfriend, their not even gonna have time to smell his breath before I come in to take them out.' Nene was all, 'heh, yeah right. I'm sure if I wanted, I could kill 'em', Girlfriend wanted to challenge that, something that Nene agreed to and, no less than twelve hours later, Nene woke up in a hospital bed from the fight she tried to start with her. Thankfully, GF agreed to pay the medical bill.

[planerot]

Radiator Spring residents ranked on how trustworthy they are in the kitchen

(All these are intended to be humanized headcanons, but can be interpreted however you like. Also, quick content warning for food and a brief allusion to mold)

Flo - She literally owns a diner, (I did some googling and turns out, even though it's called Flo's V8 café, it's a diner. The disneyland website describes the IRL version in car's land as a 'Route 66-inspired diner' ) she makes the best food in town no questions asked. She's the one who makes everyone in Radiator Springs their birthday cakes and dinners each year, and has their favorite flavors and foods memorized by heart. If she catches wind that someone in town in feeling under the weather, that person will have a big pot of soup delivered to their doorstep before the end of the day. She is also very good about keeping her workspaces extremely clean due to the health and safety standards that come with running a diner. 10/10, she is the best by a very large margin.

Doc Hudson - During Doc's earlier years, back when he was still racing, he was a very mediocre cooking. He made stuff that was incredibly bland, boring, stupid easy, or a combination of all three. After his accident and moving to Radiator Spring, he was kind of forced to learn to make more interesting meals after eating nothing but mac and cheese, sandwiches, breakfast foods and other such things for a month straight and growing positively sick of it (because we all know his self isolating ass would NOT want to accept any invites to eat or, god forbid, risk accidentally socializing while at Flo's when he was fresh off a life changing crash). He, overtime, forced himself to learn how to actually cook and thus accidentally became one of the most talented cooks in Radiator Springs, second only to Flo.

Guido - He spent a lot of time in a tightknit, small Italian village, living with Mama Topolino, I feel it's very likely he picked up some tips, tricks and recipes during his time there. The vast majority of what he knows how to make is Italian food, but so long as he has a recipe, I think he could make anything.

Luigi - Basically the same as Guido. Only reason I put him below Guido is because he doesn't have the basically super human reflexes and motor control Guido has, thus making him more prone to spills and mess in the kitchen.

Red - The issue with writing any headcanons for Red is that he's more a gag then an actual character. I did a bunch of digging on his wiki page and all of it can be summed up to 'He likes flowers, is a firefigher and incredibly sensitive'...so I worked with that best I could. I think he'd be pretty decent at cooking since firefighters usually take turns cooking for their team, so anyone in that career usually has to learn to cook something actually edible. Red likely learnt how to cook during his very early days of firefighting before he moved to Radiator Springs. His dishes are definitely simpler, but that doesn't mean he can't make some very tasty, filling dishes. He takes enjoyment in serving his food to others and absolutely will burst into tears if someone insults his cooking.

Lizzie - Lizzie is the stereotypical baker grandma. A lot of the recipes she makes are pretty old, but that doesn't make them damn tasty. Her memory issues make baking a bit harder, but she still manages just fine. Baking helps keep her up and moving, even if it's only in her kitchen

Sally - She's never really had a knack for cooking and does her best from what people have taught her through the years. She can make a lot of really good pasta dishes, but other then that she doesn't really excel at anything.

Sheriff - Incredibly average. He's more the type to get food from Flo's or buy prepacked stuff then he is the type to actually make himself anything. When he does actually bother, all the stuff he makes is pretty good but absolutely nothing to write home about. He's more the type of person someone asks to pick up groceries for a meal then actually make the meal.

Fillmore - 100% more a baker then a cook. He first picked up baking to make weed brownies and ended up really enjoying the whole process. His recipes are very hit or miss though since he likes trying to make his desserts more healthy in some way. Sometimes this means they just taste a little off, and sometimes this means they taste like he just tossed sugar and cocoa powder in a bowl with some dried hay and baked it. He is also a hazard in a kitchen since he sometimes he gets munchies while high and will completely forget stuff in the oven, thus leading to multiple fire alarm scares.

Ramone - God bless his heart, but this man can barely cook. Flo has tried to teach him, but he just cannot seem to quite get it, often burning things, adding to much seasoning or accidentally forgetting ingredients. He loves spending time with Flo in the kitchen, so he gets relegated to vegetable peeling or pot stirring, which he very happily does because it means he gets to hang out with his amazing wife. The one thing he does excellent at is decorating. It took him a couple tries to get the technique down, but he is an amazing cake decorator, his years of painting cars meaning he has a scarily steady hand and very keen artistic eye. Flo always lets him decorate the cupcakes/cakes when she makes them for people's birthdays and they always turn out gorgeous.

Sarge - The issue with Sarge is that he refuses to toss anything out. He isn't good at cooking at all. That man does not give a shit how black his scrambled eggs are or how his chicken wings could probably be used as bricks, he will eat them. Whenever someone asks why he eats obviously terrible food, he just says something about how this is nothing compared to how terrible food was in the military. He's grown an iron stomach and hates wasting food even when it would probably be better for his health just to toss out the suspiciously fuzzy loaf of bread.

Lightning - He has mostly lived his adult life living off of fast food, microwave dinners, canned soup and whatever he can eat when people invite him over for dinner. He could probably be a very competent chef if he was taught how to, but he is a bit to embarrassed to admit it to someone else.

Mater - Do not let him near a kitchen he WILL burn it down. For the love of god he is clumsy as fuck and will somehow seriously injure himself or anyone if left to his own devices. He likes the idea of cooking for himself and his friends, but in practice it usually ends with either a fire, a hospital visit, or some horrid combination of both.

[were-wolverine]

stranger things autism squad hcs

- the squad consists of jonathan, eddie, robin, steve (and will but i’ll talk abt him with the rest of the party’s hcs)

the rest of them are also neurodivergent, mainly adhd or anxiety and obviously they all have ptsd

- eddie robin and steve also have adhd (and steve has dyslexia)

- steve and jonathan tend to get overstimulated by the same things, same with eddie and robin

- eddie and jonathan have music playing 24/7 so their thoughts don’t get too loud

- steve is hyper-empathetic to the ppl around him and tends to mimic stims and tics from the others

a lot of times robin and steve end up mimicking the same stuff back at each other until one of them gets distracted (which is usually pretty fast)

- jonathan is touch averse, can only handle being touched by family/very close friends

- steve is touch starved and finds physical affection grounding (and eddie and robin are happy to oblige bc they do too)

- steve has a super high pain tolerance

- eddie does not understand the concept of personal space

- steve has excellent hand-eye coordination (basketball!) but that’s about it, he’s almost as clumsy as robin most days

- eddie has lived off of solely spaghettio’s and chicken nuggets for 19 years

- jonathan can’t drink any beverage other than water

- the only food steve knows how to make is his and robins comfort foods (his is mac and cheese, robin’s is pancakes)

- the four of them are completely clueless when people try to subtly hint or imply things to them. they will not get it unless it is explicitly stated

- steve and eddie have a good sense of direction but mess up left and right, jonathan and robin are the opposite, they get lost constantly but make fun of steve and eddie for having to do the L thing (iykyk) to figure out left/right

- eddie ends up chewing on paper a lot and has accidentally swallowed a bunch

- eddie and steve are incapable of doing homework and are terrible test-takers

- steve and robin are perfectionists but in different ways. steve will start organizing peoples rooms subconsciously and has a bunch of random little rules for himself (tie left shoe first, check locks three times, etc.) robin is a perfectionist about her grades/band/how she looks/etc.

- jonathan and steve hate making eye contact, eddie makes too much eye contact and robin doesn’t even look up from her book when people talk to her

- eddie and robin accidentally eavesdrop a lot but end up getting a bunch of town gossip and tell steve about it. they’re all really invested in mr. clarke’s love life

- eddie and jonathan have synesthesia

- jonathan has a lack of facial expressions while eddie and robin over-exaggerate theirs. steve masks the most so he has “normal” facial expressions

- steve has trouble expressing himself a lot of the time, he’ll usually ask robin for certain words to describe things and bc she loves big words and vocabulary she always has one

- robin is a terrible liar and steve finds it hilarious

- they all tend to recharge on their own after a lot of socializing, or they all go to steve’s and just like. exist together

- steve keeps a very strict schedule and gets really anxious/upset when it’s messed up

- robin and eddie tend to overshare

- jonathan and steve talk pretty monotone (jonathan more so) while robin and eddie talk in super energetic or dramatic tones (they’re both former theatre kids i can feel it in my bones)

- steve has auditory processing issues, often asks people to repeat what they said (overtime he also starts to lose his hearing so he ends up learning to read lips)

- when they’re anxious robin and eddie usually go hyperverbal, while steve and jonathan tend to go nonverbal

- steve and eddie have echolalia and both used to get super frustrated with themselves before they met and were like “oh im not the only one thank fuck”

- jonathan and robin have photographic memories, steve and eddie have trouble remembering what they had for breakfast

- robin is pretty blunt but steve appreciates it because she gets straight to the point and calls him out if he does something stupid (aka smth King Steve would do)

- steve’s main mask is, obviously, king steve. his parents didn’t like the way he acted when he was younger, they wanted a “normal” child. so they trained him to be one. he still falls back into old habits some days but robin or eddie snap him out of it and comfort him after

- steve and robin mask the most, but steve does wayyy more than all of them combined. robins parents are autistic so she only really masks around people in public

she does around steve until they get closer and she feels comfortable enough to unmask (though she doesn’t really know why,,) and steve notices and is like “…you can… take it off?” and robin realizes oh he’s like me

- joyce is an amazing mother and jonathan only ever felt the need to mask around lonnie. once he leaves (aka joyce kicks him out with hopper’s help) will and jonathan rarely mask at home unless they’re really anxious or upset

- eddie masked most of his childhood. when he grows up he masks around his dad, but not anyone else. he thought if anyone hated him they could go fuck themselves. wayne is also autistic so they never feel the need to mask around each other. he still doesn’t give a shit what other people think of him (and tries to help the others feel that way too)

their special interests:

- jonathan’s is photography

- eddie’s are dnd and metal music

- robins are cryptography and linguistics

- steve’s are hair care and marvel comics

steve infodumps to dustin and robin about them but doesn’t tell anyone else (besides will) because it’s “nerdy” lmao. and yes when eddie finds out he falls even harder for him

[z-h-i-e]

The Reality of Responding to Comments Left on Fanfiction

Or, a rebuttal to a Tumblr post I was going to comment on, then thought, why not just start a whole new post?

So I happened upon a post recently which compared not replying to comments to not holding open a door for someone.

Firstly, I want to point out, I'm in the midwest of the US of A. Even during the middle of covid, when people were very careful about touching things, we are so trained to open doors, we were still doing it. Hell, we try to hold open doors for each other when it's an automatic door.

Commenting back to comments, though. In theory, sure, very nice to do. In practice, no. That's the short answer; buckle up for the long one.

It's February of 2020. I'm already starting to suspect shit in the world is going down soon--while everyone else is watching the impeachment here like it's the next big reality TV series, I'm stocking up on canned goods, cereal, and cheese. (Yeah. Cheese. I'm from fucking Wisconsin. I had a mini fridge just for cheese. Judge me. I can take it.)

Once a month, during those 'pre-pandemic' days, I would take one long lunch hour -- I would use comp time, I'd drive out to Panera, I'd sit in the area upon which I based part of Salgant's house, and I'd answer comments. It was a happier time. I had time to do it. It was nice to go through all the interesting things people noticed or the bits they liked. Hell, I even like a good flame--keeps me warm, lets me roast a few marshmallows, and then I go fucking Feanor in Formenos on them. But I digress.

That was the last time I had a chance to do that. Because then, and sorry, forgive me if this is new information, but there was a fucking worldwide plague that occurred. And during that catastrophic world event, not all of us recovered to a point where we're back to normal yet. I don't know about the rest of you, but wondering each day if I'd ever get to hug my parents while they were still alive? Kind of stressful. See, my father has major medical issues (kidney failure and on dialysis, cancer survivor three times over, osteoporosis, diabetes, diverticulitis, and sleep apnea), and my mother has a few doozies, too (COPD, macular degeneration, also a cancer survivor, and a whole fucking messed up thing with her spine). With all the concerns of previously mentioned plague, the doctors at the time advised that no one else was to go into their house until there were viable covid vaccines. I would come over, drop off groceries and medications on their porch, close the door and call on my phone, then air hug from the street thirty feet away.

I remember all the stuff I did to try to keep my brain happy. I watched my way through 'If Google was a Person' and 'Epic Rap Battles of History', over and over. I found museums who had 360 views to pretend I was on field trips, and I found a bunch of virtual rollercoasters to 'ride' on. And I listened to Hamilton so many times if it was vinyl I'd have worn a hole through it.

I had coworkers who died from covid. People who seemed generally okay, people I would not have thought would be hit so hard by it. We lost several pets since 2020--two dogs, two cats, and a rabbit. In the case of our beloved Trotter, who went through more surgical procedures than I can recall, I would have to hand him off to a technician, then sit in the car for three or four hours, wondering if he would be okay, if he would feel better afterwards, if he would wake up after each procedure, if his already damaged heart could take another.

I had my share of medical bullshit throughout the past nearly five years. The big 'well this is bullshit' of them all is that I had a pretty good life plan going, along with 'we all going to do all the things to try to make a smol human in the 2020/2021 range' and, well, let me tell you folks, as soon as pandemic got volleyed around, that was a big nope. That nope was followed by so many additional 'did my warranty expire?' moments, but I have to say, the highlights of the instant replay real would be the intercostal muscle tear which has still not healed completely correctly, so it is physically painful to push a grocery cart around in a store for more than thirty seconds, the whole episode when my pancreas decided to stop working for a hot minute but it was covid city in the hospitals so I was sent home with meds and a 'best of luck' sort of thing, and the secondary infection when I did eventually catch covid despite so many precautions (funny enough, from my father when we finally had the first in-person Christmas again in 2022--so, while the concern was I could end up giving it to him, he ended up giving it to me).

But the most frustrating, the most enduring, has been my failing vision. When I was 8, and at a public school for the first time, they did vision screenings, and realized 'wow, this one does not see well'. Now, in theory, someone should have figured that out sooner -- I had jabbed myself in the eye no less than three times (possibly more) that I remember before the age of five from accidentally getting things too close to my face. So glasses and I have been pretty tight now for nearly four decades. But it was during the pandemic that I started to think I must have been dealing with some strain from computers or needed a new prescription or something. Words were far more difficult to read. I would sometimes stare at pages in books or on the screen and just see...nothing, really. (Kind of not helpful in my profession.)

I went years with terrible distance vision, but great vision up close. Now that had failed, too. But it wasn't just that. At least with distances, I could still generally see things. Up close--sometimes yes, sometimes no. So I kept getting tested and retested and asked questions and went to different doctors and described things--

--and finally, sometimes, you find someone who listens, and wants to figure it out, and does. And then you have an answer. But answers don't always mean solutions. And when I asked how we fix it, I got an answer, but not a solution.

The answer is, I can't.

And to the follow up, will it get worse, that answer is, maybe.

But it won't get better.

So as I'm still processing this, having days where I want to write but can't even see the words, I think about all of the stories I still don't have posted on AO3. I think of things on floppy disks--not just the hard floppy disks, fucking floppity floppy disks, where the only backup is on dot matrix printer paper--and I think about things that are handwritten, and stories on old flashdrives, and the words from the musical that got me through the pandemic play through my mind.

Why do you write like you're running out of time?

Because.

I am.

I'm not the biggest fan of mortality--I fucking write about elves, friends. Elves, and more elves, and after that, a few additional elves, just in case. I've rooted myself in Valinor, for the most part, over the last few years.

I am very aware that I am more likely than not on the downward slope of life's journey at this point. For anyone who has ever been sledding in the midwest during winter, you know you go way faster on that downward slope.

So I've got some pretty solid goals in mind. I have stories I need to finish. I've got art and other things I want to make. I have items I want transferred to a place that stands a decent chance of still being around when I'm not, or when I'm not able to do the moving of things anymore, from personal websites I have. I completed one really big accomplishment over the summer--I sat down and wrote my scientific paper on the Silmarils. I really wanted to get that written, and I'm very happy I did.

I've lost too many fandom friends over the past five years. People I'd known for decades, people I knew by their legal names, people I'd exchanged mail with and in some cases met in person.

So, I'd like to go back to the Panera days of having a sammich and one of those salads that are practically dessert because it's more than half fruit and take a few hours each month to answer comments. Trust me, there are no awards for four digit unanswered comment boxes. If there were, I'd have seen one by now. Every comment is immensely appreciated. They make me think about things, and reconsider things, and sometimes sneak in a character or two based on what someone says.

And I'm hoping that someday, maybe when I'm retired or at a point when I'm able to get down to working just one job or something, I'll be able to get back to the older comments I haven't answered yet. But right now, I've got a few other higher priorities in life.

Today was my father's 69th birthday. I suppose I could have answered a few comments today, but instead, after working a ten hour shift, I went to hang out with my dad--which is basically just us sitting and talking, but it's amazing because I spent so many sleepless nights over the past few years wondering if he and my mom would make it through the worst of the pandemic.

I regret nothing.

I hope that for now, you can take my word on the door opening. In fact, this morning when I got to work, I got the door for someone, then I noticed a moth on the ground that looked a bit dazed like it had just gotten itself out of a spider web, so I bent down and I managed to get it onto my finger so that no one stepped on it, then I walked back down to where there are plants and grass and deposited the moth (who at first wanted to crawl about on me, which I allowed for a moment before getting it safely onto a leaf) then came back up again, saw to a large cricket so that no one stepped on it either, and finally got in. Please accept for now the sharing of stories as the holding of the door the first time; I'll try to get it for you again if I can later on, when I'm on my way out--but I have some business to finish inside first.

[witchsickness]

there is such a thing, steve supposes, as having seen too many monsters. after a while it gets old. you just—you get used to it.

stuff like billy hargrove, grave-muddy and swiss-cheesed and by all means not meant to be alive, fridge-illuminated in his kitchen and slurping mortadella slices like he didn’t die, like, three weeks ago, is ranking pretty low on steve’s shock scale.

‘oh,’ he says, ‘you’re alive.’

hargrove doesn’t exactly face him, but he does sort of growl in acknowledgment of steve’s existence. he also doesn’t stop the fridge raid, so. ‘jesus,’ he slurs, around a mouthful of italian sausage and what steve fears is molding lasagna leftovers, ‘curb your enthusiasm next time.’

‘next time you—come back from the dead?’

‘not my fault you hicks are grave-happy and buried me without checking for a pulse.’

‘oh, we checked,’ steve says, inching closer. three-am lasagna does sound pretty tempting. ‘you were definitely croaked.’

a visible shudder racks hargrove’s form. he looks—taken aback, and way too red-cheeked for a dead boy. that’s one more thing about the horrors they’ve seen. steve forgets, sometimes, how young they’re meant to be.

the fork hargrove has only been half-using clatters to the ground, makes them both jump like banshees are after them. for all they know, right? this is hawkins.

steve feels momentarily triumphant, but it immediately bleeds into guilt. how unfair is that? the asshole he traded high-school punches with saved his life, and now he can’t even gloat guilt-free. with a heavy sigh, he flips the switch. the neon cracks and fizzes and settles, falls mercilessly on hargrove’s blinded ex-corpse. he looks—well, steve’s peripherally watched enough zombie flicks by now to draw the parallels. as long as hargrove’s satiated by mr. harrington’s imported delicacies and leaves steve’s brain alone, they’re good.

he pulls two questionably clean forks out of the dishwasher, hands one to hargrove. that lasagne stopped being edible a week ago, he decides, forking a bite anyway. hargrove flinches when steve leans over his shoulder to assess the rest of the fridge’s contents, but doesn’t pull back. steve doesn’t, either.

‘how’d you get in, anyway?’

hargrove turns around, smirking. he elbow-leans on the counter, crosses a leg over another. the very picture of nonchalance, if you don’t have a clue. steve—knows better. he fights the urge to lick a thumb and wipe the mud off hargrove’s cheek, see if he’s real.

‘window was open, harrington,’ he drawls, chuckling at the way steve allows himself to get caught staring. ‘you should be more careful. never know what’s lurking in the dark.’

steve gives him a look. ‘don’t i?’ he regrets it, instantly. the shadow of shame on hargrove’s face isn’t half as satisfying as it should be, not anymore. ‘locks won’t keep the monsters out, man.’

‘would’ve kept me out, anyway,’ hargrove mumbles. he’s swapped the lasagna for his hangnails, maniacally having a go at them.

‘liar,’ steve tells him, and waits until hargrove’s insulted enough to look at him, ‘nothing would’ve kept you out.’ he gets a laugh, a real one, for his trouble. he bites his cheek and hopes this isn’t a dream.

hargrove tries, ‘your place is close to the cemetery,’ already wincing from the lie.

‘it’s really not. a for effort, though.’ steve takes the tupperwave from him, empties its contents in the trash. ‘look, are you, like, existentially opposed to a bath now? it’s just, the carpet in my room, it’s—it stains, alright? you’ll drag mud all over it, and cleaning it is a nightm—’

‘you gonna carry me to the bathtub, rich boy?’

steve—barely has time to feign offense, before a blood-crusted shirt lands on him. hargrove is standing half-naked in his kitchen. pointedly staring at his earth-stained feet. ‘don’t—don’t move,’ steve groans, ‘i’ll get you some old slippers.’

hargrove’s laugh follows him out of the room. ‘bet you were the type of brat who used to drag strays in all the time. fed them, bathed them, the works,’ he’s saying, which is unfair, and not completely untrue.

the strays usually ended up curled up in bed with him anyway, so.

[milesmolasses]

Starting to Feel Like Spring (MJ x reader)

uh ohhh… back again!

Been listening to t-swift [pls don’t cancel me yall]

so I was listening to daylight and lover. that shit had me cheesing cause all I could think about was MJ

so this gonna be about my girl MJ [i love her sm]

warnings: kinda shy and anxious reader, fluff too sweet to handle. you've been warned (T ^ T) (i kinda leave yall on a cliffhanger lol don't hate me)

the more you thought about it, the more it seemed like saying you had a crush on MJ was an understatement. at this point in your high school career, she was all your mind would allow you to think about. her pretty curls, her crooked tooth, her snarky personality, everything about her completely took over your mind. and the worst part of it was...

she didn't even know you...

it started during your first year of high school when you saw her on the J train. she had headphones in her ears and her phone in her pocket. as she walked between the train doors she sat on the opposite end of your bench. she hadn't even seen your lingering gaze on her as you stared in awe at her pretty hair and gorgeous face.

you tried to resist looking at her for the entire train ride as more people began boarding the train and sitting between you two. you focused on your phone for the few more stops you had left until you got off. when you left the train onto the platform, thats when you saw her walk right past you.

she goes to the same school as me...

she was the first girl you knew in real life that you had ever really had a crush on. you had no idea what to do with this information and so you did what any normal gay person would do; you panicked.

what if she didn't like your personality? what if she thought you were weird? what if she wasn't into girls?

with all these questions floating around in your head, you chose to just watch and crush on her from afar. and so that's what you did.. for the next 3 years– and you did a pretty damn good job at it too might i add. she hadn't noticed you throughout high school which you were grateful for, but that didn't stop your heart from aching for her.

i've loved you three summers now honey, but i want them all.

looking at the clock tick for what seemed like forever, the bell had finally rung indicating lunchtime.

as you got up from your seat, you looked behind you to see mj struggling to put all her notes back into her bag. most people were gone, it was just you two and two other kids talking to the teacher after class. you were just staring at her for a hot second until you realized you probably looked like a damn creep. heart racing when mj finally looked up at your blank face, you quickly said, "d-do you want some help with that?"

"um, you're a little late to the game bud..."

you looked down to see her zipping up her bag, notes, and textbook already off the table. you felt like an idiot.

"oh, well sorry.." you said as you quickly turned around. you walked away as fast as you could to avoid having to face any more embarrassment than you already had. as you walked through the halls and down the stairwell all you could think about was what just happened three minutes ago. you decided that you would never make such a stupid mistake like that ever again. why would you even try to talk to her? you should have just left when you had the chance.

can i go where you go? can we always be this close?

as you walked to the main entrance of the school with your wallet in hand, a guy named ned from one of your AP seminar class came rushing past you, peter following close behind you assumed. you assumed correctly; you aren't close to the two or anything. you've only interacted with them separately a few times before, but that was only for school stuff. walking out of the double doors and into the real world, you walked towards your usual lunch spot under a tree with all the other trees and pungent-smelling flowers that always bloomed during the spring time. it was surely different from the usual new york smell you usually smelled every day. that's why you loved it so much. as you made your way over you could see people bathing in the sun and families having picnics. opening up the black plastic bag you carried in your backpack, you took out the deli sandwich and (snack of choice).

you put in some headphones and put on some tunes to match the vibe of the park. looking around and eating your sandwich, you spotted peter walking in the grass a few feet away from you. he was holding a pizza pie and ned was of course following behind him. unbeknownst to you, mj was behind ned walking with her eyes glued to her phone. the group of what you assumed to be two sat at a bench next to the tree you were sitting under.

and thats when you saw her.

right at the edge of the bench facing your direction. you chose to start packing all your shit up, determining that your usual lunch spot was no longer safe from her.

and at every table, i'll save you a seat.. lover

"hey! you're in my chem class right?"

you stopped what you were doing to look up at peter, who called you out.

"um yeah.. hey."

"cool come join us! there's a pie and it's extra large, enough to go around!"

you just stood there, staring yet again. you seemed to do that a lot.

peter stood up taking things into her own hands and took your hand in his. "c'mon theres enough."

"don't force the poor girl pete. does she even know you?"

mj... she was defending you from peter. or she was just being nice and didn't want you to feel uncomfortable.

"of course she knows me, don't you?"

"um, yeah sure," you didn't know what else to say. you walked with peter to the seat seemingly reserved for you right next to mj. you sat next to her looking at your lap not wanting to look up just yet.

"so, do you come here all the time? it's a cool place we just found it today," said ned with pizza in his mouth. you kept your head down, heart beating out of your chest.

mj scooted closer to you making butterflies erupt in your stomach. she leaned into your ear as she spoke to you and you alone

"you can leave if you want. just cause peter dragged you here against your will doesn't mean you have to stay if you're uncomfortable."

you quickly looked up to face her, head spinning from the interaction and how close she was, "i'm ok. thanks."

i don't wanna look at anything else now that i saw you

"ok just wanted to make sure."

she took a paper plate and a slice of pizza handing it to you. you took your hands off your lap to take the pizza out of her hand mumbling a small, "thanks."

"oh my god!" ned yelled out of literally nowhere.

"the star wars milllenium falcom set is on sale!"

"no way how much??" peter said grabbing neds phone to look at the set they were talking about.

mj turned to look at you as the other two debated buying an $800 lego set. "its every day with these guys and their lego sets. ignore them," she said turning to face you completely.

you nodded as you looked down again to avoid her looking at you. suddenly, your hands back in your lap seemed very interesting.

the both of you stayed silent for a while with peter and ned in the background talking their heads off. you chose to make a move, even though not even 20 minutes ago, you told yourself you would never speak to her again out of fear of saying something stupid.

"i really like flowers."

seriously???

"oh, umm well what kinds of flowers do you like?" she responded, deciding to humor you a bit.

"carnations... they're like all over the place at this park."

"oh? i don't think i've ever seen one.. or maybe i have and i just didn't know what it was," she said. this was your chance, your chance to talk to her, maybe even become friends.

you smiled a little as you stood up from the picnic bench. you reached your slightly sweating hand out to her hoping she would take it. "there are a bunch in this area, lemme show you."

please take my hand

she smiled as she took your hand.

she smiled at you.

i only see daylight daylight daylight daylight

as you walked through the park, you introduced mj to all the different flowers in the area that you knew, which was almost all of them. for the very few you didn't know, mj tried to help out by typing in very descriptive attributes of the flowers into google. as you walked through the grass and flowers of the grass, mj was picking flowers along the way. she pointed to a flower you knew all too well and said

"oh shit isn't this the one you were showing me before?"

"oh my gosh yes! oh my, they're gorgeous.. god i love them so much," you rambled on and on about the carnations talking to a mindless mj about how timeless they were and how their beauty never goes out of style. you didn't notice mj and the way she was admiring the reflection of the pretty flowers in your eyes.

you saw mj's hand reach for a flower to pick, assuming she was going to add it to the never growing bouquet in her hands. however, when her hand reached for your hair, you went quiet and wide-eyed.

"i thought it would look nice in your hair."

and i can still see it all (in my mind)

she was so close. her hand still in your hair slowly began to slip down to your face. she was so soft, not only her hand but her eyes, her expression, her breathing, her soul. in this moment you could feel all of her. she was so close, yet so far.

all of you, all of me (intertwined)

she took a step closer to me, her chest heaving a little quicker than before.

i once believed love would be (black and white)

"can i kiss you?"

but it's golden (golden)

your breathing began to pick up at a seemingly unhealthy rate. for all you knew, you were having a heart attack, but god you hoped not. not here, not now.

and i can still see it all (in my head)

"a-am i making you uncomfortable? im sorry i can leave if you want-" she panicked after earning no response from you. she backed away slightly, but when her soft hand was off your face, you snapped out of whatever trance you were in.

back-and-forth from new york (sneakin' in your bed)

you pulled her into you so your chests were basically smooshed together. you could feel the fast beating of her heart, as she could feel yours.

i once believed love would be (burning red)

you grabbed her face as you leaned into her kiss her like you've wanted to all these years.

if felt electric, like there were sparks between your lips. your breathing was heavy as her hands came up to cup your face. your arms around her waist as if they were made for holding her close.

her lips on yours felt right like this is something you should have been doing a long time ago. it felt like her lips had been on yours forever until she pulled away. you leaned into her even more chasing her lips to be on yours again. giggling, she said,

"i like you too.”

but it's golden ♡

AHHHHH I ALMOST THREW UP CAUSE OF HOW CUTE THIS SHIT WAS

this was pretty long i think.

but anything for my mj <3

this was kinda random lol sorry if it doesn't make sense

[magicalrocketships]

8, 56 or 69 for the over 30's ask meme! (Or all three if you have the spoons/time/inclination) <3

(And yes, two of these are shameless way of trying to potentially find a new favourite cleaning product or low-effort meal haha)

oh hello! love everything that makes things easier tbh.

8. What cleaning product do you swear by?

Two answers to this - the first one is low cost: pink stuff miracle paste. It is multi purpose and SO useful. When I moved in here a couple of years ago, I found a use for the drawers I had as a kid which had been stored in a family member's garage - they had stickers on and were grimy and I looked at them and didn't think they'd clean up, but pink stuff took it all off, sticker residue and everything. You can use it for cleaning anything and everything.

The second one is a robot hoover. Mine is called Maxy-Max and he arrived in my life earlier this year and in terms of spoons he has revolutionised my life. I ran most days last year on the equivalent of about 3-5% battery life and as such I have pretty much zero spare energy for cleaning, but now Maxy-Max will do things like find a Christmas bauble under a table and brush it to my feet or a pen under a seat and I will think yes: I love this robot and this robot loves me (and my cleaning).

56. Favorite low-effort meal that you make?

Godddd we are very, very gently starting to occasionally cook things again after 18 months of not being well enough to, but I have two recipes - one of which is an actual fave and the other one I've made and then adapted, but it's SO nice to have flavour again in what I eat (so many ready meals and easy eat stuff that made up my last 18 months are just bland, ughhhhhh so mediocre all of the time).

The first one is an extremely easy, vaguely a version of carbonara if you squint very hard (sorry Italians) and you can use literally any variation of pre-prepared ingredient dependent on need/ease/what you have and add frozen ingredients directly to the frying pan, but:

a) cook pasta. spaghetti is preferable but whatever brings you comfort and joy

b) while pasta is cooking, fry chopped onion and garlic and bits of smoked bacon. add salt and pepper.

c) when pasta is nearly done cooking add frozen peas to the bacon mix, leave to cook while you finish with the pasta and drain it

d) stir in cream cheese/philadelphia to bacon mix, according to taste (usually 1/3 to 1/2 a tub but I don't know how big tubs are elsewhere, just however much you like, you can add more but you can't take it out)

e) stir in the drained pasta to the bacon/cheese mix. add more pepper if you like pepper (I like pepper)

f) eat and feel joy. the leftovers are even more delicious.

The second was the first thing I made from a recipe book in forever. It's a gorgeous cookbook called Ramen by Makiko Sano. It's got so much to say and teach about how to build a layered ramen dish and I'm excited to have the energy to make any of that, BUT, nestled at the back is this recipe for microwave ramen:

I loved the ramen/kimchi/tofu/spring onion mix, the cheese and sort of egg scramble was nice but I wouldn't need it every time - but it was SO nice to try something new and relatively easy for lunch that didn't make me too tired to actually eat it.

69. What are you looking forward to next week?

I had a friend to stay this weekend and it was lovely but I am now v tired (beyond normal fatigue, but in a good way) and I JUST remembered that I have a long weekend booked off work this week with nothing to fill it up yet but dreams.

ask me questions!

[skinny2tb]

€d vent and life update:

Sooo... I'm really upset rn because I managed to fast for 5 days without anyone noticing and it felt GREAT. I mean it's kinda sad that my parents just simply don't care anymore. They used to encourage me while I was in recovery and actually getting better but oh well that's how it is sometimes I guess. I once weighed 43kg that's why I originally went into recovery and as I began to gain some weight back they just assumed my €d was magically cured. But that just wasn't the case and here I am once again. Without anybody noticing or actually caring. Sadly my eating disørder is even worse this time and I'm feeling no will to live anymore.

Anyways, I'm thinking of another liquid fast right now because as I said I'm really upset that I just broke mine 20mins ago with some leftover noodles (230 + 55kcal for the cheese) and I'm freaking out atm because I'm afraid I'll gain weight after eating those. But I can't work out because my parents and their friends are downstairs and I don't want them to hear me doing some exercises. Although I know they probably wouldn't even care.

Lately I've been pretty busy studying (literally lol) because of my finals this and next week. I've already completed three out of four and I just have to pass the math test and honestly I'm shitting myself even thinking about it. But as for the others I'm pretty confident.

My hot guess:

• english: 1-2

• french: 1

• german: 2-3

• maths: 4?

Only thing I know is that this years final math exam will include exponential functions which I hate.

I also wanted to say hello to everybody new following me, just wanna let you know I do appreciate it<33

Btw I managed to book my first ever nail appointment for next week and I'm kind of excited?? Let me know if you guys have any cool design recommendations. So far I really fw acrylic, stiletto shape, classy french nails with some gems and tiny rhinestones..

(not my pic btw)

Prom is also coming soon so ofc I'm hella nervous because I haven't fully opt which of my two dresses I'll wear but eitherway it's gonna be navy blue with sparkly details and an open back. And when I tried the dresses on infront of my mom I could clearly see the disbelief in her face of how thin I have gotten again. She didn't say anything tho. I just looove the feeling of clothes that have gotten too big on you and would slide down your body if you didn't use a belt or hairtie.

Yeah, also there's this cute guy in my class. Same age and we went to the same elementary school but back then we had nothing to do with each other. You're probably asking what that has to do with me. Well, at the beginning of the school year when I was the new girl in my class he asked me to go to prom with him and I agreed but now I'm scared, because I do know and everybody always tells me that he has a huge crush on me. But I just can't handle that much affection yk?? The dance course will also start in a few weeks and we both can't look each other in the eyes... Everytime I think about him I'm like what do you even like about meee, I mean why me when there's a bunch of other beautiful girls, right? But well, what can I say at least I pull? Seems like I got that shy rizz*~*

Don't get me wrong, I'm totally happy but at the same time I feel like I don't deserve this kind of love. He's so good looking too with his hazel eyes, big lips and dark brown hair, plus he's way taller than me. So literally my dream guy? I even got to see his abs and stuff when our class went on a trip to a water park. Since then I'm head over heels.. I catch him often secretly staring at me but as soon as I gaze in his direction he pretends to be busy doing other things, like sir I SAW THAT

Ugh, I'm sorry that was pretty much about my personal shit but also pretty much needed.

(Lastly I wanna say that you guys DESERVE recovery and if you feel like you or anybody you know might suffer from an eating disørder don't hesitate to see professional help. You're loved♡)

I'll probably post again in a minute cuz I'm bored rn and want to avoid a b¡nge.

[desertfangs]

Here are some fun/fluffy headcanons about Armand and gadgets/technology:

When Armand first bought an electric can opener in the 70s, he spent the rest of the night opening cans. He even sent Daniel to the corner market several times to get more cans of stuff. After the twelfth can, Daniel was over it and tried to explain to Armand that the 400th can would not be any different. And then Armand tried to use it on things that weren’t cans and Daniel questioned his life choices and opened another beer (not with the can opener but Armand wanted to try it and possibly stole one to open with the device). 

Armand bought at least a dozen chop-o-matics and broke the first three when he tried to chop non-food items: credit cards, bottle caps, coins, etc. He also wasted at least one pack of Daniel’s cigarettes by chopping it to bits. At least two of these vintage chop-o-matics are still in some cabinet of an abandoned apartment in the West Village, still unopened in their boxes, or were until they were found by the new residents who moved in.  

Armand bought a Ronco Rhinestone Stud Setter and quickly set to work bedazzling most of Daniel’s clothes. For a good two weeks, Daniel was stuck wearing jeans, t-shirts, sweatshirts, and polo shirts all studded with gems and stones like he’d rolled around in a craft store, including one pair of jeans with little shiny skulls stamped into the back pockets on his ass. Armand also wore a jean jacket he’d bedazzled which, if you looked closely, had some pretty gruesome designs made of rhinestones.

Daniel once bought Armand a pet rock because he thought he’d get a kick out of it. Armand was confused by the concept. “It’s not alive, Daniel.” “Yeah, it’s meant to be funny. A pet you don’t have to feed or worry about.” He set it on a shelf and Daniel pretty much forgot about it, but when they moved to the next few apartments, he noticed the pet rock kept coming with them even though most things did not. 

Armand was a very early adopter of cell phones and had one before almost anyone else. The moment the Blackberry was invented, he bought two (one for a backup). One of the first things he did when Louis moved into Trinity Gate was get him his own cell phone. 

Additionally, Armand was all about digital cameras. He bought several of the first, clunky, low-pixel models and somewhere at Trinity Gate is a box full of SD cards that have photos of every possible angle of Trinity Gate, Central Park, and half of New York City. One year for Christmas, when Daniel was at the tail end of his recovery from his madness, Armand sent him a digital camera, too, and got several emails full of photos of model cities he’d built (and a few of Rio and Marius and Daniel himself.) 

Around 2016 when they were getting popular, Armand bought three air fryers. He kept seeing ads for them and couldn’t resist the siren song of a fun new toy. Once they arrived, he wasn’t sure what to do with it so he tested one on a kitchen sponge and almost caught the house on fire. Daniel suggested they go to the store and Louis suggested he throw the devices away. They ordered a bunch of random food from a grocery delivery service, like big roasts and bricks of cheese and apples and frosted cupcakes and ice cream bars, and ruined the first two air fryers pretty fast. (Benji in particular enjoyed destroying produce and uploaded several “Will It Air Fry?” videos to the internet.) The third one sat unused in its box until one day Daniel was in some nostalgic Remember the 80s shop and found packages of shrinky dink paper, which the air fryer was surprisingly good for. 

[rgr-pop]

okay international working womens weekend daytime luncheon in my home for maybe 7-10 people, one week from today

nobody i really need to impress. if anyone confirms gluten free or dairy free i’ll fine tune, otherwise everything is always baseline meat free and nut free (with the option for me to throw in some tinned fish from my pantry)

snacky/salads vibe, maybe dips

for sure doing:

lemon poppy seed loaf. i REALLY want to do sally’s new lemon poppy seed muffins but i’d need to get a new muffin tin and we’re 📢 not doing too much

cardamom strawberry jam bars (craving cardamom stuff all the time)

pretty sure i can do both of the above without buying anything; although i’d have to make the jam from frozen strawberries (i want to pan anyway)

really want to do MOCKTAILS. i wouldn’t mind investing in a few staples for myself anyway. i think i for sure will get orange juice and and a sparkling juice— PLEASE RECOMMEND ! what would be a good second mocktail or some ingredients to buy? especially because i have several interesting bitters, including chocolate. and i could put out tart cherry juice i have, and i’ll make a pitcher of iced tea. oh maybe i should make iced chai from scratch 🤔 in any case this is where i’ll spend most money

central offering will be a bean dish, either a bean salad (WHATS THE BEST ONE YOUVE HAD?) OR (hot dish) the bean ziti smitten kitchen posted which… i want to do this. is it 📢 doing too much? yes. But. she said.. if i did i’d have to do bread with it, which makes me nervous (i don’t have good bread instincts)

if i go with SK i’ll have extra basil for a veg salad. it seems too early for the typical basil salad uses so i’d have to brainstorm. my go-to would be a carrot salad and a smashed cucumber salad, both of which are options but wouldn’t go that well. this would be a good time to try doing the viral salad seasoning pasta salad - should i…

i will for sure make japanese potato salad because i have a ton of kewpie to use up. in fact i may need to make a second kewpie salad

if i were going the dips route i’d the lauren toyota’s vegan nacho cheese but i’m just not inspired

a typical go-to spread for me might be the spicy sour cold spaghetti noodles from woks of life with carrot salad and cucumber salad and maybe marinated tofu but it doesn’t feel like the vibe

eta you know what, i have dates and am craving goat cheese dates, i should add those to the menu. i was going to avoid any fussy assembly but these would be worth it

i reaaally need to actually budget this because even though it’s arguably chapter business i can’t get chapter money (which i expected). the plan was to make asking for financial support (maybe $35 in food) for the women’s section a progressed structure test, but leadership failed structure test one (being willing to speak to us or respond to our communication when we told them we were organizing a womens day event) so i’m back to structure test negative one (them not murdering us)

so my plan is to have three dishes plus 2 sweet ones and all but 1 should be make ahead, and some chips maybe or something like that

however as you know i have a habit of doing too much for this sort of thing lol