#struggling in general too lmao
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i seem to always draw sgr when im struggling :’)
#im really struggling w art latelt#struggling in general too lmao#so. kiki time#.rkgk#pokemon#pokemon fanart#pokemon scarlet and violet#pokemon kieran#kieran pokemon#pokemon suguri#suguri pokemon#pokemon scarvi#pokemon sv#furret
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Lil Nowhere King-themed mini doodle dump! 🦌🧁
#the 'expression sheet' was mostly me playing around w/ his eyes- I like the thought that they'd be v expressive and maybe even a bit toony#(some of that centaurworld DNA peeking through)#I hope the bloody one isn't too edgy LMAO#it's vaguely from an angsty AU where the general succeeds in recapturing him#anyway this is mostly old art and some busts that I touched up marginally but I wanted to post smth#I finished a zine piece/comm recently and we finally started selling the pins-#I thought I'd be super excited to rush back to personal projects but I've been struggling a bit w/ inspo and idk why#the nowhere king#centaurworld#guest-starring nowhere bbs#my art#cw blood
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Hii, I wasn't planning on doing anything for this year's Febuwhump but lately I've been reading @zarvasace 's Linked Nexus AU and I've made some sketches about it here and there because honestly it's what's been occupying my mind these past few weeks xD and I realized this one fit today's prompt so it was the perfect excuse to finish it and show some love to the author <3
#I hope y'all like it because the pose was a struggle lmao#I'm sorry I have no idea what things are supposed to look like from behind. generally I hope I didn't get anything too wrong lul#linked nexus#lu fanart#lu hyrule#febuwhump2025#cw blood#it's green!! decided not to add the blush here but I love it :3#I'm like halfway through so I have no idea if anything like this ever happens but it should 😌
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kabru's relationship with his eyes makes for suuuuuch a fantastic trans allegory (an aspect of your body alienating you from your community, being compelled to understand the perspective of someone who also has a complicated relationship with their body in the hopes that you'll better understand your own, people straight up misunderstanding biology) it makes me kind of insane because now I feel like I can't dig into any complicated feelings he might have about his body in relation to his gender without feeling like im just ... double dipping?? like fifjpejgh ryoko kui straight up already told that story in a way that exquisitely fucks??
#dungeon meshi#told yall this fic was crunchy#tfw youre a trans allegory on top of just being trans#mfw i can't even have him struggling with feeling infantilized or seen as weak because kui already did that too!!#cant have shit in dunmesh!!#it's trans allegories all the way down#personally im more interested in how kabru's gender presentation might have caused external conflict growing up with elves#who seem to be coded as generally culturally conservative#happy to see that one post about marcille and her gender hangups floating around because ive been having the exact same ruminations lol#bugs me so bad when people write off trans kabru hc as “people just see him as effeminate and think trans” especially in regards to labru#like no!!! there's layers here!!#youre telling me a queer coded this narrative?#stuffs all the complicated feelings about your body content into laios instead lmao#[slaps roof of car] this bad boy can fit so much body dysmorphia into him#he might have a penis but idk if that makes him cis either 🤔
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Realizing the CrossDust congregation is so seperated/disjoined to a point we all call the same ship different names. I've seen some call it Xcutioner, someone also call it Apostasy, I've also seen it being called Ebonfall? Which were all beautiful names... Befitting for CrossDust....
I think that we all also interpret CrossDust differently. And I think it's a good and fun thing. There's no standard/mediocre way to do CrossDust. Like how they may struggle with who they are— we, too, are on the journey of self discovery with them. Because we are special individuals who see the world differently from each other.
#i personally use CrossDust for recognizability#so whenever mentioned people just went OHH CROSSDUST!!#i think than dust also struggles with like what his purpose is in general#it's difficult for him to imagine what his life would be life after the human is stopped#both him and cross are victims of a 'greater force' who they used to believe in#except that Dust makes a choice and Cross lacks that choice#which is why i really like the name apostasy for them#because the both of them STOPPED believing in whatever they used to believe in due to circumstances#whoever came up with Apostasy...... ily 🤟#maybe I should just also create my own name for them#rebellion duo#<- i came up with this on the spot lmao xd no i just thought the word is cool there's no underlying meaning in it#idk why i'm just sentimental tonight like..... CrossDust really means that much to me#and im sure it means a lot to others too#it's special to us in its own way#CrossDust#cross x dust#dust x cross#dsevalyappuccino#MAYBE I SHOULD SLEEP#yeah true yawns i should
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#first therapy session went well !#i didn't cry which is v surprising lol#maybe bc we didnt go too in depth about things but#therapist already picking up on things i didn't like#never really thought of myself as an anxious person#depression was more so what stuck out to me#but like therapist was like bestie... u sound more anxious than ur perceiving#like i put that i don't struggle with social anxiety bc generally in a group of people im pretty outgoing#but like my coping skills are isolation lol#and i often turn down invitations bc of my insecurities#and in general just hate being perceived despite wanting it#like i literally havent answered any asks on here in months bc#im afraid of what people think of me#and im scared of interaction#but im also dying for human connection lol :'))#i also avoid men completely bc trauma so yeah#and it all stems from a deep deep belief that i am not worthy of love n wOw im sad but like we can only go up from here right :'))#LMAO SORRY THAT THIS IS WHAT MY BLOG HAS BECOME BUT#idk this is my diary fr#anywho sorry for everything#will most likely delete all these rants bc its embarassing lol but#love you all#and im so sorry for not answering the asks#thank you for reading my fics#your comments mean sm to me truly#love you endlessly
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maaaan im so mad i cant play the freakin ice cream splatfest 💔💔💔💔💔💔 meh, guess it wasnt meant for me to play
so booooo fml as usual but GO TEAM VANILLA, WIN FOR ME AND LET IT BE A SWEEP ok
#splatfest#general post#i was at least able to join the team ingame right before the internet fucked up my switch ://#i couldnt even do sneak peek stuff#was hoping to play esp after the depressive stress that was life not wanting me to play the zelda fest#like??? literally evertime i tried to play that one there was a setback:#storm power outage.. irl stressing me out.. disconnects#and i was on team power too#smthn told me we were gonna have a sweep victory JUST from all the crap i had to struggle thru#THIS time around i cant even play the splatfest :'))#maaan see i can never be happy dawg LMAO#anyways have fun guys enjoy urselves#eeugh srry for the long rant over a freakin splatfest lol#mostly ranting about how unlucky my life is & this is just one of those unlucky things
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got a long day at work tmrw… prepare for secret husbands stuff
#momo rambles#cries I had to take a step back from it today#a) to recharge the brain a bit and put some attention on songbird#and b) I was starting to get too in my own head about like. how much of the au is still Mine#don’t get me wrong I love all the asks I’ve been getting#but I’m struggling to see my own voice in the au#being asked questions is one thing but aaaaaaaaa#gonna try and write some stuff and generate ideas on my own tmrw#but I do wanna answer some of the asks I’ve gotten today <3#ALSO PLEASE DONT LET THIS DISCOURAGE ANYONE FROM SENDING STUFF#it’s just my brain being silly <3#and probably the imposter syndrome LMAO
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people who think mouthwashing is about rape clearly haven't played how fish is made/the last one and then another
#scary crane rambles#dental hygiene videogame tag#just watched a back to back playthrough and. wowie zowie#its a good time all around but man it provides some much needed context to the themes that wrong organ works with#both how fish is made and its dlc seem to be very much about capitalism#like. the base game being about having discussions with people about things that heavily resemble choosing a career#and the general illusion of choice that leads to basically the same outcome either way you go#there's so many specific things i wanna talk about regarding this game.. might do an analysis post sometime soon :3#but anyways also the dlc ''the last one and then another'' is literally about absorbing other people to be ''bigger''#which seems to me like a metaphor for using other people to gain more success in life; specifically in terms of career#and all of these people seem vulnerable in some way so theres that too#AND BEFORE ANYONE BRINGS UP THAT ONE SCENE WITH THE STRING. BEFORE ANYONE SAYS ANYTHING#i think thats about how lots of people who work and have kids struggle with taking care of their kid#because they have to work to support the kid but in turn they dont have the time to actually take care of the kid#and so in a metaphorical sense work sort of eats your kid. in the sense that it eats up the time you could take to care for them#just. god i have so much to say#but tldr its just more points in my theory's favor i think LMAO#tldr pleeeease check out how fish is made. its sooooo cool and awesome#theres even a funny musical number!!!!!!!!
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#rvb relationship royale#the struggle of the random generation is real#reminder to all the folks who joined us late: these polls were randomly generated and I'm not happy about it either lmao#it was literally 0.005% odds this would happen. we calculated because we too were baffled.#but I agreed to generate them randomly and I wasn't about to go back on that
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Don't ever let me get comfortable sharing thoughts and ideas with you else you'll wake up to a wall of text about my thoughts and ideas for 0 reason other than I Can
#( scene missing ) ⸻ ooc.#i say this but generally i do not share#i play DND and my DM has to DRAG info outta me bc i struggle to share in case it's annoying or. bad.#i don't wanna share bad ideas :( so I'm just there like. quietly vibing unless I'm manic posting on social media i guess#i definitely did not develop a fear of not being enough bc of an old friend of mine being Too Good no sir#but yeah i guess generally you guys are safe from my ramblings in DMs at least LMAO enjoy shitposting instead
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watch movies with me and prepare to be amazed at just how many different guys i can think are the Same Guy
#personal#i'm so face blind it's embarrassing#if they've got similar hair color and roughly the same skin tone i Cannot tell them apart#and it's like that irl too......if someone i know but not on a super deep level gets a haircut i'm like......who dat.#i know i'm supposed to know you but i really really don't sorry sir#my ability to recognize you was based solely on your hair and your tattoos which are now covered up by your sleeves#i don't struggle /as/ much with women...i think just bc generally speaking we tend to have a bigger variety of haircuts??#but i still struggle enough that i won't always say hi to a woman i know bc there's a niggling doubt that i've remembered their face all#wrong and it's not actually them lmao
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Vikt is insecure as hell. Fun fact. 😔
#struggles with self-worth. has RSD like mad too hahahaha.#hard to be an “old man” in a world revolving around people half your age. on top of having traits that aren't “standard beauty”.#doesn't help he *feels* ugly both physically and as a person in general.#sigh.#oc: vikt#(hi this is “allegories between OC and creator” clownery again lmao)
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hate to say it but july kinda sucked
#please let me whine and list all the things that have troubled me this month#first off having to get serious about my master thesis and everything taking so much longer than I want it to (the anxiety. wow)#and mentally preparing to tackle two jobs AND finishing the thesis all at once soon (how......am I gonna do that)#well then ofc my car breaking down and having to spend my last savings on a new one#generally having to spend a shit load of money. all my money. gone within 2 months#wanting to have a big birthday party so badly only for it to get so stressful and Too Much for my introverted perfectionist ass#that I was the first and only one to feel (physically and mentally) sick about four hours in and had to leave my guests on their own#the usual old struggles flaring up again (as in too high expectations towards everything and everyone and myself that leave me disappointed#and on a more irrelevant note lmao: being one of the few people who doesn’t seem to have enjoyed barbenheimer that much?#same for jk’s solo and everything around it it's just not really for me#and thus feeling a little distanced from the fandom and from creating lately...I'll try again this weekend though I'll try#and last but not least my skin is being SO bad again rn that I just want to rip it off my whole body!!!!!!!#yeah! not at all how I wanted july to go! anyways august in a few days let’s move on and hope for the best#SORRY for being negative on here again. there were also nice things. like awi and al and all my other friends.#and birthday gifts and messages. <33
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so confession ive been feeling really stuck with this blog tbh. it just feels so messy and cluttered here and im really struggling to feel like im able to, with a few exceptions, have any meaningful interactions (which is solely on me, yall are lovely <3). the logical thing i think is to remake but i hate remaking and need to think a little more on that. but ive had incredibly high muse for especially my prsk kids and i just. dont know what to do with it bc of this feeling
#im too sentimental to like remaking lmao#but AGH i think i need it#idk dude!! ive also been struggling with general multimuse insecurity bc some of the fandoms i write for are so different but like#thats just smth i have to work thru#its also fall so yknow. the depression starts hitting different around now and that might be part of the problem#anyway!! just needed to get this out there i think. i Might remake. we'll see#‧ miscellaneous. → 「 out. 」
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(am just going to link back to this post for anyone who wants to read. the rest of my thoughts on this au asjdkgh)
anyway I love that this au has lowkey became my new setting to just. explore jiang ziya/arjuna dynamics with each other (and with oberon but that's irrelevant to this post) completely separate from what fgo's doing. bc right now I can't stop thinking about arjuna and jiang ziya taking Months to even begin to trust each other enough to talk about their respective relationship insecurities bc a) slow to trust and open up on both ends and b) not wanting to expose the other to their more 'flawed' aspects yet
[more thoughts in the tags as always bc for some reason I keep rambling there lol]
#lulas's randomness#fate based vr world au#arjuna has his usual struggles with the more human side of him (the side he deems not as 'heroic') but jiang ziya also has like#general reluctance to give his trust freely + concern that given how shiny arjuna's reputation is he would be :/ about the more unsavory#actions jiang ziya did in life (as well as the fact that he's still perfectly willing to be ruthless in this life too)#(like as much as I like to imagine jiang ziya as wanting to do the compassionate thing when he can I do#also have to keep in mind that both in history and fsyy he's. p ruthless lmao)#so I guess basically similar concerns on both sides but it takes a while for the other to know#but once the trust is built enough to talk about it it makes their relationship stronger imo#something something ultimately getting to really Know your partner is better than knowing only the seemingly idealized#side of them something something#jiang ziya#jiang ziya (fate)#taigong wang (fate)#taigong wang#arjuna#arjuna (fate)#fate series
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