#stripper!magnus
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junkyardspider · 7 months ago
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Mr. Bonzo’s on his way,,,
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he also does lapdances
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deardarlingcarstairs · 2 years ago
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the lightwood family dynamic is so funny to me because:
- alec is, like, barely above mundane drinking age and running the whole shadowhunter government, which is basically the same age as his divorced, half deceased parents were when they were running around committing hate crimes. he’s married the notorious manic wizard down the street, magnus bane, who’s, like, 400-something and witnessed said parents’ hate crimes, and they’ve adopted an abandoned warlock child who is completely blue and a prickly 5 year old who doesn’t speak a word of english.
- jace was adopted because robert and maryse felt morally obligated to due to them thinking he was the son of robert’s ex-parabatai who was in love with him and didn’t even turn out being his father. he is engaged to clary who he thought was his sister but still wanted to bang, and she is the daughter of the leader of the hate cult robert and maryse were involved with and her older brother (who also wanted to bang her) killed jace’s adopted little brother. jace is parabatai with alec, who he offered to kissed once to prove a point.
- isabelle fights demons in stripper heels and is engaged (married?) to simon who is really just a guy. a guy who was randomly dragged into the their whole family disaster and turned into a vampire then drank her blood then saved her life then drank her brother’s blood because he saved her life, then forgot everything. then she dragged him back into her whole family disaster and they were will-they-won’t-they for forever (even though they were obviously will-they the whole time) and they had sex and he drank out of a shiny cup and became a shadowhunter.
- there was also this one time they were in hell and jace was having sex with clary and isabelle was making out with simon and alec was getting wine drunk by himself, all in same cave
i’m not even going to go into their parents because what the fuck
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witchinatree · 3 months ago
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i have posted a LOT about the issues i had with season 4 of TUA but i'm going to say everything i've been thinking right here right now. i cannot get this shit out of my head.
i think a lot of it ties back to the flaws i noticed in season 3, they tried to take on too much and abandoned the previous storylines that were waiting for them (viktor's traumatic relationship with leonard, five's trauma in general, lila's parents dying because of five, DAVE, etc etc) and we were all expecting them to tie it all together in season 4
instead they just.. added more..???? jennifer and abigail were thrown in late season 3 and were just suddenly supposed to be super important to us (they were not.) the subway that takes you to other timelines (objectively cool as fuck, why is this only introduced in the last season of The Timeline Show)
and i'm still really upset that reginald is an alien because it makes no fucking sense. i always assumed he created the mystery 43 babies (why else would he seek them out and already have a plan for them) but the alien route was.. ill-fitting. i think it would've worked better if he fell in love with abigail, who was an alien and created marigold, and then his hubris and curiosity was what unleashed it into the world and doomed the timeline. "sure this mystery chemical destroyed the planet my wife is from but i'm reginald hargreeves so that won't happen to me!" [happens to him] also i wish abigail was not just used as "see! abuser not so bad! abuser have wife! he love wife :]" because. what. and then her weird complaints about reginald in episode 6 that came out of nowhere confused me. they just should've written her entirely different if they were gonna have her at all
AAALSO i hated that they regressed all of the characters back to how they were in season 1 (or worse??). luther was living in the old umbrella academy building because apparently he will never leave it?? after everything?? diego's life was different but he was still doing this weird job shit (discount batman and mail carrier are the same thing) and he was miserable with his loving wife and kids (who ARE you.). allison's husband left her again (what the hell raymond) and she was still the neglectful single mother of claire?? after EVERYTHING I KNOW I ALREADY SAID THAT BUT GOD. klaus actually had something going for him, if only his recovery wasn't made into a joke, and then he relapsed and got kidnapped and was just very.. season 1 klaus.. but with no ghost ben anymore. five.. eugh. he was not season 1 five he was just NotFive. crazy how they had a magnus archives crossover and just brought in NotThem to take five am i right guys. ben's also different because it's not the same ben from season 1 but they just made him really fucking mean. like worse than season 3 because there wasn't that underlying "please i just want to be loved" thing. crypto bro ben was funny as fuck though. and VIKTOR just fucked off by himself after working so hard to be part of the family again. glad he got to transition and become canada's #1 manslut but jesus, just abandoned everything you did to be part of the family huh.
my vision for the ending of TUA would go something like this
ending of season 3, pretty much the same but they all have their powers and reginald's head getting sliced in half did not reveal him to be some alien freak. also at some point abigail would have been introduced. i don't feel like rewriting season 3 too okay i'm cutting corners.
luther finds sloane when he goes back to where the umbrella academy building used to be, but it's now a very lovely apartment that the two of them live in together. they host all of the family gatherings for sentimental and space reasons. i think luther would explore the stripper idea but decide not to follow it because of sloane. sloane would be fine with it but luther would still get worried.
diego and lila live in the same house somewhat nearby. lila's family (they do get to be alive but lila does have to overcome the trauma of losing them while simultaneously getting them back) are their neighbors, it was the compromise they came to because diego wanted their house to be their space but lila wanted her family close. they have three kids who are each loved and names get to be in the fucking show. (looking at you mystery twin. grace and coco (?) didn't really get much attention either). they have a big backyard that the kids all play in together when they're visiting
allison and ray are still together and they have claire (maybe another kid...) they also live somewhat nearby the rest of the umbrella family because i refuse to let them separate. i don't have much to say about them other than RAY DID NOT WALK OUT ON HER.
klaus and dave live in allison and ray's neighborhood. maybe they adopted a kid? maybe they didn't? i think their family would be really cute either way. klaus is still overcoming his addiction and dave supports him through it. it's not made into a joke and actually gives klaus a lot of depth and emotional moments. also just in general dave meeting the rest of the family would be really really sweet
five gets to retire. he lives with viktor in my mind. full circle on viktor being the person who always waited for him and offered him a place to stay after he got home in season 1. five would not actually be getting a retirement pay because he has never had a real job so he's just vik's roommate now. he could have a romance plotline with a woman working at the department store down the street named delores. she looks familiar.
ben lives alone and works at a tech company? honestly i don't know what i would do with him in the pre-plot but it would not be put him in jail?? me personally. i think he would probably move further away than everyone else but stay close enough so he could visit sloane sometimes. he still feels like an outsider but doesn't know how to tell the umbrellas he wants to be their brother now
and viktor lives with sissy harlan and five (previously mentioned). his transition gets to actually be explored (PLEASE.), harlan is in therapy, and sissy is a strong working woman!! again i don't really know what to do with him pre-plot. just know he's the happiest he's ever been!!!
and just in general, a lot of this happiness from all of them comes from their powers and that they can finally be one big happy family together (whether ben likes it or not). setting up the inherent tragedy that comes with perfection
episode 1 opens by showing everything i just explained, the tragedy of getting everything you want or whatever the title was. their powers are still integral to their lives. they're either tied to their careers (luther would probably be like a wrestler or something again, diego could try police work again because i want that to be explored) or other aspects of their existence (allison still finds herself doubting how much of her life is real, klaus' relapses are always caused by his trauma surrounding ghosts, five sometimes space jumps when he wants to be alone [also i think he could feel some sort of shame/guilt because he lives with viktor and can't really contribute much without the commission. not really his fault though because of his insanely fucked timeline], ben uses the squid to carry things or grab things that are far away, and viktor plays the violin to help him remind himself that he is in control of his power now, and he won't end the world again)
the main conflict starts when ben meets a new woman named jennifer and shakes her hand when introducing himself (starting the marigold/durango reaction that builds very slowly throughout the season.) it could be romantic but i think it's just devestating. they're slowly realizing they're losing everything they worked so hard for because of something they can't control
yadda yadda yadda figuring shit out while also having conflicts in their life from the earlier seasons and it culminates in the old umbrella academy building, viktor is the only person who can remove the durango and marigold from ben and jennifer and save the world. he finally gets to be the hero, be the one to stop the end of the world instead of cause it, but he needs to take the marigold from each of the siblings in order to balance the amount of durango jennifer had (no idk why he would let the other like 30 something marigold kids keep theirs i really don't know how to fix that. why would they do this to me)
each of the siblings have to give up part of their lives, part of their identities, and it's hard for them!!! they struggle a lot to agree to do it!!! and it's also harder for them because they don't know if viktor will survive doing this. but he's the only one who can? is his life more important than the existence of everything and everyone? ultimately, they all give up their marigold, and viktor takes all of it and the durango to save everyone. it cancels itself out and stops the cleanse reaction, and i think it would kill viktor (but it doesn't have to). we see that same clip of the 'perfect world' but they get to be in it. they were never the problem. lila and diego play in the park with their kids. allison ray and claire are walking together. klaus and dave are talking on a bench. luther and sloane are carrying a large basket of food. ben and five are helping them set up the picnic. harlan is sitting in the grass with sissy next to him. each of the adults have a small violin tattoo on their wrists. their lives will never be as perfect as they were before, but they can finally just rest and move on. because it was never their fault.
also reginald dies. fuck that guy
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annameowbooks18782 · 12 days ago
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Pointing out every single mistake in the Shadowhunters: The Mortal Instruments show, season 1, episode 1- The Mortal Cup
It's finally happening. I'm going to watch the Shadowhunters show for the first time, and point out every single time the show strayed from the books. This is part1/???
This will be a wild ride.
-Isabelle does not wear wigs
-That's not how runes work; you don't just draw them once and activate them, you have to draw them every time.
-The demon they are after isn't a shape-shifter
-That is not how Jace and Clary met; in the books they met in a small supply closet inside the Pandemonium.
-Clary is already a student in the art academy; she doesn't need to get accepted
-The book doesn't start on Clary's 18th birthday; it is a little while before her 16th birthday.
-Maureen isn't Simon's singing buddy. He is in a band with a few of his friends- Eric, Kirk and Matt. Maureen is Eric's little cousin who has a massive crush on Simon.
-Jocelyn did not give Clary a Stele
-Clary was much younger when Jocelyn had Magnus remove her memories
-Luke is not black, nor is he a police officer. He runs a book store
-And Simon doesn't have a gig at the start of the book; he and Clary go to the Pandemonium just because
-That is not how seraph blades work; you have to whisper the name of an angel to them
-Isabelle doesn't dress like a stripper. She wears a white dress at the start of the book.
-Alec isn't the one who is a Shakespear enthusiast; that's Jace
-There is no technology at the Institute at all. Shadowhunters are very against modernity.
-There is no big deal of demons draining the blood of mundanes. Alec, Isabelle and Jace go hunting because that's just their job.
-The Pandemonium is not Magnus's club; they mixed that part with his cat's birthday party later on
-Isabelle is rarely called 'Izzy' in the books; she is more often referred to by her full first name
-Isabelle also doesn't bait like 10 demons by dancing like a stripper; she baits one demon, because there is only one demon, by just being completely beautiful.
-Isabelle's whip is golden, and also doesn't have any electrical abilities
-The battle wasn't so epic in the book. They got the demon into a supply closet and that's where Clary found them. The demon then attacks Jace while he is distracted speaking to Clary, and then Isabelle and Jace kill him together.
-Jace didn't care whether Clary was injured or not, he was more focused on finding out how she can see them
-Clary doesn't just run off after the whole ordeal; she stays and tries to get a cab with Simon
-Jocelyn doesn't just hide her runes; they're there, Clary just can't see them because of Magnus's magic. Simon mentions them once, referring to them as 'thin white scars'. Clary thinks he is imagining.
-Nothing dramatic happened when Clary came home; Jocelyn scolds her, and the next morning she and Luke inform Clary that they are going on a vacation in Luke's farm house. Simon then comes and takes her out to eat, and watch Eric read 'poetry'.
This is much harder than I thought, and it takes forever to fact-check everything in the books. I will make a part 2 if this one gets enough positive feedback!
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If you scroll back far enough you’ll see this account was mainly Umbrella Academy posting. I was OBSESSED with this show, especially when s3 came out despite the writing being objectively…iffy in some scenes. But I knew how GOOD the show could be, and hell, s3 WAS GOOD!
And then s4 happened.
And let’s just say
I’m disappointed :D
Spoilers for everything s4 here on out
Ok so watching this season was like being trapped in a burning building but you’re trying to rescue your things, but then you realize they’re also all on fire. I kept watching, thinking “oh, this is gonna lead to this” or “oh that’s a cool reference to that” and NOTHING HAPPENED???
Like in the beginning, with Alison. I thought for sure, everyone was just gonna not like her for a majority of the season, she does something really cool/saves them and then they go “ok, we aren’t gonna forgive you, because what you’ve done to all of us is not able to be forgiven, but we’re gonna try to be better and include each other in our lives”
Nope
They just forgave her off camera and she was just enjoying life with them
And so I’m like “ok, I can excuse that, besides there WAS a 6 year timeskip, maybe we’ll see something with th-“
Nope
Another thing, the sake bombs
My brother in christ Klaus THREW IT ON SOMEONE ELSE AND JUST??? THAT PERSON DIDNT GET HIS POWERS?? My partner legit turned to me and was like “oohhh he’s gonna get Klaus’ powers that’s gonna be so cool.”
But nope that guys never shown again!!
“Okay…” I say slightly nervous “but Klaus is objectively the fan favorite, they can’t fuck up his character”
But then they did. Now iirc, Vietnam wasn’t mentioned at all in s3, and if it was, it was minimum, but there were SO MANY INSTANCES TO BRING IT UP AND THEY JUST DIDNT??
And I tried to excuse it, but legit it was so obvious that they should’ve brought it up. Ignoring the fact Klaus GOT DAVES DOG TAGS BACK AND SAID/DID NOTHING BUT LOOK AT THEM?? you have the scene where everyone is shooting as each other and he’s hiding in the hallowed out part of a grave (which, idk, reminds me of TRENCHES??? Which I’m like 80% sure was used in the Vietnam war) and also, did NOTHING. He covered his ears and I’m sitting there, thinking “oh maybe a flashback”
Nope!
MY BROTHER IN CHRIST I CANT STOP EXCUSING IT, BUT I DO
Cuz when he got locked in the coffin, I’m thinking “oh perfect time to bring up the mausoleum-“
Nope
(Also the way the show tried to make it a joke that he was being used for sex to get money left such a bad taste in my mouth. Like we physically saw him get SA’d and just…it’s a joke??? Like already we had that gross SA of Luther in s3 does NO ONE UNDERSTAND HOW SENSITIVE OF A TOPIC THAT IS??)
Then, obvs there’s the fuckup with Five
At this point, I’m beaten and broken. I have a pounding headache, the dogs looking at me and my partner funny cuz we keep screaming and- HOLY FUCK FIVE IS KISSING LILA
Five, the physically-25-mentally-65 year old, whose ENTIRE CHARACTER MOTIVATION IS HIS FAMILY
Is kissing Lila, the 30 something WIFE OF HIS BROTHER
His brother. Who he saw DEAD IN A FUCKING APOCALYPSE.
I just ??? It’s so bad??? Why??? Did you think??? That was a good idea??? No one asked for that??
(+ there was no reason to include that arc, or the fact that Lila and Diego were unhappy in their marriage. Lila, maybe I can understand, but Diego had NO REASON. Get rid of those arcs, fucking nothing changes)
And I can talk about the bracelet inconsistency, or how they only made Luther a stripper for shock value, but this post is long enough so I’m just gonna mention one final grievance
The ending.
SPOILERS FOR THE ENDING OF THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES
Now, I’ve enjoyed media where they permanently kill off the main characters. Like Magnus Archives (something I frequently would post here)
In the season five finale, they kill of Jon and Martin because it’s the only way to save their world. It makes sense, Jon is already the Pupil of the Ceaseless Watcher + for him and martin, it’s genuinely the only way they can have a decent ending
If they were to keep living, they’d doom the world to constantly be in the eyepocalypse. They address what could’ve been a plot hole by saying “no, living isn’t an option, as much as we want it to be.”
And it’s a satisfying ending! Ask any TMA fan, and they’ll agree that, while sad, it was a perfect ending. So when Umbrella Academy tried to do the same I was…confused? Because that truly WASNT THE ONLY OPTION??
The scene with all the Fives where they’re like “oh btw your family causes the apocalypse every time” I thought we all kinda new that by now….
But also it wasn’t. I am firm in my belief that what caused the apocalypse every time was
1) their powers
And 2) their REACTIONS to each other
S1, for example. Viktors powers inherently cause the apocalypse, but it’s the characters reaction TOWARDS VIKTOR (cough cough Luther) that REALLY seal the deal.
So, no diner Five, it wasn’t THE FAMILY, it was your POWERS. If y’all just…don’t use them and get some family therapy, you guys are FINE.
(Also my partner brought this up, but having a show that revolves around the trauma of the main cast ending with “killing yourself is the only option” is…definitely a choice!)
So yeah. This entire season was trash from start to finish. The songs were not good, the character arcs were not good, the story itself was not good. Everything done was either for shock value (ie making the astronaut a STRIPPER.), ruined characters in ways that didn’t make any narrative sense (Five kissing Lila), or were dragged on far too long (Diego and Luther in the CIA).
And I really don’t want to hate on it, because I love this show, but I really have nothing good to say. It was bad start to finish. Get me out of this burning building, ‘cause my stuffs already burnt.
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redd-byrd · 11 months ago
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i cannot believe i never thought to post this
the world needs to see it
my magnus opus
made on a high school trip with the help of my NAHS club acquaintances
BEHOLD
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STRIPPER GARFIELD IN SIDEWALK CHALK
(plus stripper peppa pig in the corner but i didnt get a picture of that)
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onetimetwotimesthreetimess · 8 months ago
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Magnus looked up, his forlorn eyes, a sad smile marring his beautiful face.
Alec bent down and cupped his cheeks. 
“What’s going on, baby?”
“I’m a doctor.”
He frowned. “I know.”
“I love dressing up but I can’t dress up as much as I want to because I’m a stupid doctor and have to wear boring scrubs for 90% of my time,” Magnus said seriously.
It had been the most ridiculous thing in the world Alec had ever heard but in that very moment he’d realised how impossibly gone he was for the other man because somehow, he’d felt bad for him. That he didn’t get to dress up as much as he wanted to. 
He couldn’t imagine it being anything but unconditional, desperate and stupid love.
“You can dress up at home,” he said, kissing his boyfriend’s cheeks. “And during dates. And on your ride to the hospital. There are so many opportunities, baby.”
Magnus sniffled, nodding. “Okay. What if I become a stripper though? Would you still love me?”
|| They say that lovers create a language of their own- a language that no one but them is privy to. But what happens when one of them has forgotten that language? Is the love forgotten too? ||
|| Dr. Magnus Lightwood-Bane and Alec Lightwood-Bane have been together for six years when Magnus meets with an accident and loses the past six years of his life. Amongst a few crucial things, Magnus loses the memory of how he acquired Edom Hospital, his success as an acclaimed Neurosurgeon across the country and most importantly—his husband and the love of his life, Alec Lightwood-Bane. ||
|| Magnus wakes up in 2016 with no memory of Alec Lightwood but complete memory of his ex-girlfriend, who he’s supposed to be in love with at the time.
||Yet another amnesia au filled with angst and angst and angst because there can never be too many of them.||
Chapter III of Hope Is A Dangerous Thing
tag list: @elettralightwood @khaleesiofalicante @noah-herondale-lightwood @carelessflower @anarchistbitch @dustandducks @pocketoffeels @literallytypogod @thepaintedlady @thelightofthebane @ignisaurumprobat9 @magnus-the-maqnificent @raziyekroos @dandeliononthemoon @delightfullyterrible @alec-not-alright-wood @kita-no @learningshelfcontrol @lifeofpatterns (let me know if anyone wants to be added or removed)
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mydaddywiki · 1 year ago
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Carl XVI Gustaf
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Physique: Average Build Height: 5’ 10½" (1.79 m)
Carl XVI Gustaf (Carl Gustaf Folke Hubertus; born 30 April 1946 -) is King of Sweden. He ascended the throne on the death of his grandfather, Gustaf VI Adolf, on 15 September 1973 and is the longest-reigning monarch in Swedish history, having surpassed King Magnus IV's reign of 44 years and 222 days on 26 April 2018.
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The King is passionate about the environment, technology, agriculture, trade and industry. He’s also has a keen interest in automobiles. The King is the honorary chairman of the World Scout Foundation, and often participates in Scout activities both in Sweden and abroad. That’s kinda fitting as he helped pitched a tent in my pants.
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A handsome silverfox with a Jim Broadbent look to him, King Carl was seen as the perfect 21st-century monarch and an ordinary family man loved by his people. While his 45-year marriage to Queen Silvia was credited as a wonderful example of partnership with three children and eight grandchildren. For years, his only acknowledgement of a racier world was the stable of fast cars he enjoyed driving.
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Then I find out he had wild sex parties with strippers, a lengthy affair with a singer in the 1990s and visited exclusive strip clubs during foreign visits; in Atlanta during the 1996 Olympics and in Slovakia in 2008. And after one big dinner ­celebrating a successful elk hunt, he is said to have enjoyed sex with two women at the same time. Shit... now I want to fuck him more.
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cityofdownwardspirals · 2 years ago
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As promised, here is a sneak peek at that AU that won the poll👀
"Oooh, are those real handcuffs?” Magnus asked, intrigued. He reached out to touch the metal loops that were fastened to the man’s belt.
That seemed to alert ‘Officer Lightwood’, because he put a hand on Magnus’s wrist to stop him.“...please don’t touch those, Sir.”
That simple gesture made Magnus’s head fill with so many impure thoughts of what that strong grip could do to him that he got distracted and almost forgot to react. He pulled his hand back with a little gasp. “Oh, I am so sorry, I didn't realize the ‘just looking ,no touching’ rule applies to your props as well. I would never touch you without consent... even though I am dying to get my hands on you,” he admitted, a smile spreading on his face again.
The man’s face was completely red now and Magnus found it beyond adorable. For someone in that line of work, the man in front of him sure got flustered easily. Maybe that was what made him so charming.
The moment was broken when someone came up behind Magnus. “Magnus, no one hired a stripper,” Isabelle said and he turned around to look at her. He saw her eyes widen once she caught sight of the other man at the door. “Alec?”
Magnus narrowed his eyes, looking between the two of them, confused. “Wait, you two know each other?”
Isabelle slowly nodded. “Alec is my brother.”
“You didn’t warn me that your brother is a hot stripper.”
“That’s because he’s not,” Isabelle said, biting her lip as if she was trying not to laugh. “He’s a police officer.”
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carnagechicken · 4 months ago
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An incomplete list of nhl players (past and present) who I think would be good strippers/exotic dancers (presented by someone who knows nothing about strippers, strip clubs, any type of clubs, dancing, pole dancing, etc)
Matthew Tkachuk > born performer who knows what audiences want. Looks great wet. Can't dance which is a con, but he could just pour water all over himself, stick his tongue out and smile and that would work just fine
Juuse Saros > One word: flexible. He comes on stage and you're thinking 'oh, he looks so sweet and innocent' and then bam! full splits center stage. (I've heard rumors that he can twerk in the splits and that's how he gets a party going)
Marc-Andre Fleury > another flexible guy, but his thing is performances that make people laugh and have fun. And then at the very end he does something to remind you that he's hot and you're gonna be thinking about it days later.
Tyler Seguin > (oh, come on, you knew he'd be on the list) VERY popular with the bachelor/bachelorette parties. He brings a girls gone wild energy that some people love and some people are turned off by, but he knows who's who and only interacts with the ones who like it.
Laurent Brossiot > interestingly, he never strips. He just walks on stage in full suit and tie, stands and poses for a minute, then leaves, and left behind is a room full of the horniest people you've ever met. He only does one show a week and it's wildly popular.
Kris Letang > I don't need to say any more, you get it.
Erik Johnson > he's just a fun guy. Perhaps not the one people find the sexiest but he gets a good back and forth with the audience and for that reason is a favorite.
Vince Dunn > the dancer who tries *so* hard to keep a sexy expression, but keeps going all smiley and blushy
Patric Hornqvist > this is a man who loves to be naked. No one has ever seen him in more than underwear.
Gabriel Landeskog > his thing is seductively putting his clothes back on. Comes out on stage naked, leaves it fully clothed. No one is quite sure why they like it, but everyone does.
Tristan Jarry > his shows are him removing a pair off laced up work boots. That is the only thing he takes off, even the socks stay on. Nobody complains about the lack of skin because they're all too busy with their boners and what being attracted to that even means.
*Other staff members*
Bouncers:
Jamie Oleksiak > he's the bouncer who looks really intimidating, you get to know him and realize he's a sweetheart, then someone needs to be kicked out and he takes care of it so fast you're left wondering if you're scared or horny (the answer is both).
Magnus Hellberg > he's got such a nice smile people forget that he could do some damage if he had to. He manages to pull of patting people on the top of their head without making it condescending.
Leon Draisaitl > Mostly just glares people into submission. And because Jamie and Magnus are *so* tall, he seems short. Right up until he has to go toe to toe with someone and everyone suddenly remembers he's actually really big. His favorite way of taking out people is a hit to the crotch, and if asked he'll claim it was accidental. He ONLY pats peoples' heads with condescension.
Adam Larsson > Works great with Magnus, they can speak about potential problems without alarming anyone as they both speak Swedish. very calm, very controlled, a real steady presence. But harass his baby (vince) and not even god can save you.
Waitstaff:
Tyson Barrie > will flirt with everyone but someone flirts back and he gets flustered. EJ and Landy constantly pulls him on stage to dance on him and get in a little light groping. He would complain but...he doesn't want to.
Bryan Rust > super helpful with explaining the menu (do strip clubs have menus? do they even have food?) If you make fun of his stutter Big Rig will kill you.
Conor Sheary > another guy under the protection of Big Rig. Costumer Reviews have described him as "a delight" "a sweetheart" and "he reminds me of my grandson".
Jeremy Swayman and Linus Ullmark > technically they're supposed to serve different tables but no one actually tries to enforce that. No one hits on them because anyone with a brain can see there's no point. Very flirtatious with each other. They hug after every shift.
Bartenders:
Brian Dumoulin > has great wine recommendations. Is such a great conversationalist you forget he's only wearing a mesh t-shirt and leather pants.
Sidney Crosby > serves drinks and looks. Work outfit is a crop top and black booty shorts that say "if you can read this, I'm bending over" on the ass.
Feel free to add more
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thomas-jefferson-jr · 8 months ago
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It’s true, Thomas. Magnus is a hoe…a whore…a slut. Wouldn’t be surprised if he was a stripper.
Aren’t we all, in a way, sluts. I am anyway. But anyway-@magnus-falafelking @mallory-keen-to-kill @alex-fierro-pr-nightmare who is sending these?
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sandylee007 · 10 months ago
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The Ballad of a Heron and a Crow' chapter 1 is now out.
REAL WORLD AU
Mob member/boss Alec
Stripper (only in the first chapter) Magnus
Magnus doesn’t know how long he’s been trapped into a life he absolutely doesn’t want. When an opportunity to escape shows itself he grabs on with both hands. Can he really escape for good?
Alec has been the leader of his family since his father passed on the position to him. It’s not the life he wants but it was one he was born into. What happens when he meets Magnus?
Can something as innocent as love prevail in their cruel world?
PROMPT BY Crazy_glitter (@Sivambika9)
ESTIMATED AMOUNT OF CHAPTERS MAY CHANGE.
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tetsunabouquet · 6 months ago
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Multifandom Headcanon: Prison world AU
A/N: Alright, one of my first ideas for a fanfic I ever had which is a prompt I still remember, was a prison AU that is eerily like the Bonnie and Damon prison world arc from TVD. I still feel like I prophesizied this arc. I never let that idea go and one of the webcomics I hope to create (if my new drawing tablet is of good enough quality to work with) is actually me working out this prompt with a set of fantasy characters that eventually will have their own multidimensional shennanigans alongside debauchery caused mayhem. This multifandom headcanon is basically which characters I can see would work well for my webcomic.
-Sasha Braus & Connie Springer from Attack On Titan/Slap On Titan: These two are made for an AU like this. Because my AU requires some serious crazy dumbfucks. Which is why their Slap On Titan counterparts would work even better. Especially Connie's stripper Chihuahua thing. -Lizzie Saltzman from TVDU: Out of all the TVD characters, Lizzie in the prison world is exactly the vibe of my webcomic: she treats the world like her playground and she's just vibing with being imprisoned. Also, I'll never forget her making out with Sebastian when Landon was in the trunk because that is so gonna be my webcomic. -Lily Chen from TSC: Lily's smart but her brain is fried enough that she ends up getting sucked down by idiocy all the same. I can see Lily having a similar rant to my sea sprite OC about a lack of interdimensional maintenance. Whilst Magnus would also seem like a great addition at first, there's something about the pain and tragedy of Magnus that I feel like he would not fair well in the prison dimension in the long run. -Jinx from Arcane: I can imagine Jinx to be counting down the days for Pyromania Day every year with everyone else running and hiding a month in advance because they know Jinx will just burn at least three towns to the ground for fun. -Kiyoshi Teppei from KNB: He is a lovable himbo that's also mentally tough and able to handle a lot. He can handle whatever shit gets thrown at him with grace. An necessary ingredient. -Diego and Lila from The Umbrella Academy: Speaking of lovable himbos that can handle a lot and prison that only triggers further memories of a certain lovable ship. These two would absolutely function well in this place. I'd put Klaus here too, but unfortuntely this world does not have ghosts as my version of the prison dimension has people aging until senior age but instead of dying in their sleep, people just fall into an eternal coma to also keep their souls imprisoned. -Nagisa 'Thugisa' from the Free! parody: This dude already was in prison and he would certainly function in this world too. Absolutely part of the crazy dumbfuck line-up. -Pike from ElfQuest: If there is one guy I would think of to hand out the drugs and booze in his own inn where everyone is staying for the night- Pike would be the number one character who comes to mind. There even was that one volume of when the tribe split and they got attacked by these mosquito-esque creatures that Pike's blood to a certain percentage is made out of alcohol with how often he eats those fucking dreamberries. Also Sasha would certainly be corrupted by Pike. Imagine Sasha with edibles… That is bound to go wrong! -Sokka from ATLA: From being a genius strategist to the comedic relief that managed to get away with tripping on LSD on a literal children's tv show, obviously he has to be part of this cast. And to those of you who don't know, there are two breeds of cacti particularly known for having similar chemical properties to LSD in their juice… My mom actually ones of of those which is how I got curious enough to investigate the cactus juice thing.
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20 questions for fic writers
tagged by @catknives
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
83... aw it looks like a face!
2. What’s your total AO3 word count?
857,649!
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Currently, Stranger Things. Previously: The Magnus Archives, IT: Chapter 2, The Umbrella Academy, Fantastic Beasts, Star Wars, EDM RPF, Marvel Comics, and Trigun.
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
from most to fifth most: If you ever need a helping hand, In a City, Reconstructed, There's nothing wrong with me (loving you), Holding hands in space, Just send for me (oh baby!)
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
I try to!!!!!!!!!!!!! I do not always succeed.
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Hmmmm... My Kylo character study? I mean it is called This pain will not make you stronger lol
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
I think it's Have Your Heart In My Mouth because they're like in love and getting mated/married!!!!! It's just goofy fun. But I write a lot of happy endings, I swear.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
Yeah lol and I love it come fight me in the comments I WILL engage
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
Yeah pretty much the majority of my fics are rated E
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?
Sorry, I do not!
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Yeesh, I have. Mostly people reposting stuff, especially RPF stuff.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Yes, I have!! In a City, Reconstructed is translated into Russian.
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
I am trying to figure out how to do that so I can post the skull rock free use thread I made with @grandmastattoo. But I will be honest I do not know how to do it.
14. What’s your all time favorite ship?
I........ I don't know... this is too hard a choice
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
If you think you're getting more of the fantabi stripper au I have terrible news: I know how it goes and I'm never going to finish it.
16. What are your writing strengths?
I am very funny :) and I write good dialogue
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
On god, I should have an editor. I think I'm a better self-editor than I am. But no one can stop me except me and I am so bad at that.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
Actually one time I wrote a fic (NOT ON AO3) with Marty that's partly in French and it rules. I love multilingualism.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
Harry Potter (Sirius/Remus)
20. Favorite fic you’ve written?
I think it's In a City, Reconstructed or With Teeth. But maybe someday it'll be Helping hand.
I need to tag people but uhhhhhhhhhhh UHHHHHHHHHHHH idek please do this and tag me if you want
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cowbutch-chastity · 2 years ago
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The W.I.P.’s Game
Rules: post the names of all the files in your wip folder regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it! Geez, I’m really getting called out for my adhd here, cause I have a lot of shit that’s been started and untouched for a while. Not to mention my stupid WIP file names and their content. I’ll categorize it by ship. Lots of these are nsfw and degenerate, you’ve been warned
Griddlehark (Gideon/Harrow - The Locked Tomb)
Griddlehark Domestic Bliss AAAa
The Revered Daughter’s Favorite Dog
Griddlehark College AU Post Sexxxxxxo Chapter 1
Lightcannon (Jinx/Lux - League/Arcane)
Petplay Nothigns
Lux in Stirrup Thigh Highs footjob - Jinx dies and goes to heaven (I’m sorry)
Moicy (Mercy/Moira - Overwatch)
Stripper Angela titles are hard
Moira catches feels for her new juice box (Vampire Moicy Chapter 4)
CaitVi (Caitlyn/Vi - League/Arcane)
Cait cleans Vi up after a workout -orally-
Werewolf Vi Aka Cait get’s a big dog that she straps
Deep Devotion
Lysigard (Lysithea/Edelgard - FE 3 Houses)
Mistakes at Court (This one is a gift for @booking-and-blogging)
Shiara (Fem Commander Shepard/Liara - Mass Effect)
Liara Ardat-Yakshi AU
Earthborn Shepard Poverty and Addiction Hurt/Comfort
Dasira (Daisy/Basira - The Magnus Archives)
TFW your butch werewolf GF needs to be mommy dommed even tho she’s 9 years older
Mercymorn/Augustine (The Locked Tomb)
Mercymorn Femdom make that david bowie ass queer man cry
Tagged by @ghostofyaz and @calchexxis
Tagging @booking-and-blogging @heroinejinx and @thewriterinthebatcave
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halothenthehorns · 10 months ago
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Chapter 14: WE HIRE A NEW GUIDE
"We'll that's not a mystery at all," Alex huffed as Will read the new chapter title.
"I think we've had more than enough suspense to last a lifetime," Magnus sighed.
"Did Rachel get paid for her services?" Thalia chuckled at the phrasing though. "Chiron certainly never paid me to guide you through any quest!"
"He snuck along, it negated the contract of pay," Jason grinned. 
Percy was more than pleased too if these stupid things would stop tormenting him, especially because it didn't give him much of a clue what was fixing to happen. Was he really such a horrible person he was going to ask Rachel to go back into that maze with him? And who was we? He hoped to gods it was Annabeth...but that meant he was also wishing for her to go right back into that maze with him too?!
Hours later, my raft washed up at Camp Half-Blood. How I got there, I have no idea. At some point the lake water just changed to salt water. The familiar shoreline of Long Island appeared up ahead, and a couple of friendly great white sharks surfaced and steered me toward the beach.
"Your life is a children's book," Magnus told him casually. "Literally anything could happen to you at this point and I just would not bat an eye. The only thing you're missing is a purple crayon."
"Hope you're ready to test that theory Magnus," Percy grinned. He did not expect his life to get normal anytime soon.
When I landed, the camp seemed deserted. It was late afternoon, but the archery range was empty. The climbing wall poured lava and rumbled all by itself. Pavilion: nothing. Cabins: all vacant. Then I noticed smoke rising from the amphitheater. Too early for a campfire, and I didn't figure they were roasting marshmallows.
"I always assume there's marshmallows wherever I go," Alex sniffed.
"And that's why you live in constant disappointment," Magnus grinned.
"Who needs therapy when I got you explaining all my life problems to me," he chuckled.
I ran toward it.
Before I even got there I heard Chiron making an announcement. When I realized what he was saying, I stopped dead in my tracks.
"Literally?" Jason asked in concern. "Because at this rate you're a mortality statistic all your own."
Percy pinched the skin on his forearm and wiggled it around for a moment before shrugging. How would he know?
"—assume he is dead," Chiron said. "After so long a silence, it is unlikely our prayers will be answered. I have asked his best surviving friend to do the final honors."
"Oh shit," all seven of them said at once with nothing but heartfelt sorrow and fear. It was the one and only way they ever would have been sorry to hear Annabeth was alive and back at camp.
I came up on the back of the amphitheater. Nobody noticed me. They were all looking forward, watching as Annabeth took a long green silk burial cloth, embroidered with a trident, and set it on the flames. They were burning my shroud.
"That's, almost cool," Magnus said with a sad smile. "How many people get to say they attended their own funeral?"
"Not worth it in the slightest," Percy shivered.
Annabeth turned to face the audience. She looked terrible. Her eyes were puffy from crying, but she managed to say, "He was probably the bravest friend I've ever had.
"Probably?" Only Alex could manage to say that with the perfect amount of levity that didn't feel mocking, but was clearly mocking. "You only get a probably? Man Perce, I demand a round of applause and strippers at minimum for my funeral."
"I don't know Alex, I guess I'm okay with her even admitting we were friends." Percy grinned as he touched his lips again, the hint of more just on the horizon that somehow terrified him more than the volcano.
He..." Then she saw me. Her face went blood red.
"He's right there!"
"That couldn't have been any more dramatic if you'd burst out of a cake," Jason snickered.
"I am all for you stealing Annabeth's invisibility hat and playing this up for at least an hour or two," Alex smirked.
"You two are awful," Thalia's tone was more exhausted than scolding. She'd lived through the frantic Iris message of her little sister trying to explain what happened and Annabeth's assurance she shouldn't come, the priority was finding Luke, finishing the mission...Thalia had followed her lead and sent Hunters to stake out every known entrance to the Labyrinth while scouting for new ones, but even when she got an update later Percy was alive, it hadn't erased the fear still buried in Annabeth's eyes of when this was going to happen again.
Heads turned. People gasped.
"Percy!" Beckendorf grinned. A bunch of other kids crowded around me and clapped me on the back.
"You have no idea how relieved we are you're back Percy," the way Will spoke present tense gave Percy a jolt. He knew he was missing again, but it didn't fully click with this moment until now. Then Will said with the same sincere tone, "You have no idea how stressful auditions were for the reenactment with the bar you keep setting."
"Will," Percy spluttered. "Stop with the- tell me that's a joke man!"
He kept reading as if he hadn't heard a thing.
I heard a few curses from the Ares cabin, but Clarisse just rolled her eyes, like she couldn't believe I'd had the nerve to survive. Chiron cantered over and everyone made way for him.
"Well," he sighed with obvious relief. "I don't believe I've ever been happier to see a camper return.
"Hey, you trumped Annabeth at last!" Nico smirked. "Official favorite of the camp, ask to get that in writing."
"Do you guys want Annabeth to duel me to the death?" Percy asked in exasperation. "Because this is how she will decide that is necessary."
But you must tell me—"
"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" Annabeth interrupted, shoving aside the other campers.
'Bed empty, no note, car gone,' Alex snickered to himself as he signed all that to Magnus.
'He could have died! He could have been seen!' Magnus happily finished with his own before they burst out laughing much to everyone else's confusion, even Thalia's. Knowing the signs didn't mean she knew the quote.
I thought she was going to punch me, but instead she hugged me so fiercely she nearly cracked my ribs.
"We now have a very clear warning sign for when Annabeth's about to show you affection," Thalia chuckled. "Every time you think she's about to slug you."
"Piss her off to get her attention, classic misbehaved child 101," Percy agreed with clear relief. He'd take a hundred broken ribs if he could just have her back already.
The other campers fell silent.
Annabeth seemed to realize she was making a scene and pushed me away.
"I—we thought you were dead, Seaweed Brain!"
"I'm sorry," I said. "I got lost."
"What I just heard was never, ever give this boy a map," Jason snorted.
"He took a wrong turn at Albuquerque," Magnus smirked, causing Will to snort hard with laughter at the referance.
"He got blown into the stratosphere without a compass, I'd give him a minor pass," Will composed himself enough to say. At least he'd come back.
"LOST?" she yelled. "Two weeks, Percy? Where in the world—"
"Annabeth," Chiron interrupted. "Perhaps we should discuss this somewhere more private, shall we? The rest of you, back to your normal activities!"
"Funerals over, chop chop, back to your regularly scheduled program of trying not to be next," Magnus said in a pretty good imitation of an announcer's voice.
Without waiting for us to protest, he picked up Annabeth and me as easily as if we were kittens, slung us both on his back, and galloped off toward the Big House.
"I now desperately need to put Chiron into a weightlifting competition," Jason burst out laughing. "Can he carry a whole cart of supplies on his lower half and another half on his human back?"
"He does carry that Camp's responsibility on both his backs all his own," Will said sadly. It's not like Mr. D was any real help. "Wouldn't surprise me if he could take over Atlas's job for a bit without real strain."
I didn't tell them the whole story. I just couldn't bring myself to talk about Calypso. I explained how I'd caused the explosion at Mount St. Helens and gotten blasted out of the volcano. I told them I'd been marooned on an island. Then Hephaestus had found me and told me I could leave. A magic raft had carried me back to camp.
All that was true, but as I said it my palms felt sweaty.
"Aw Percy, I never really suspected you'd lie to Annabeth," Magnus admitted.
Percy licked his lips and kept his thoughts to himself. He didn't resent them for knowing about Calypso, the more who knew about her curse the more likely it could be fixed.
He still wanted Annabeth in here every other word, he'd trade away every intimate moment he had to get one paragraph with her.
But none of that changed a hollow feeling he now knew he'd always have in him. It had grown smaller with time, he'd learned to live around it, but an island-shaped spot he didn't know how to shake, let alone talk about with Annabeth.
"You've been gone two weeks." Annabeth's voice was steadier now, but she still looked pretty shaken up. "When I heard the explosion, I thought—"
"I know," I said. "I'm sorry. But I figured out how to get through the Labyrinth.
Will sighed at Percy just glossing over Annabeth's fear of his mortality. She had been through a lot with Luke and Thalia leaving her behind, he wished Percy had given her a chance to express herself.
Percy didn't seem ready to hear it though, as he continued rubbing at his necklace, each bead flipping between his fingers with nerves. Will knew he was beating himself up over there for scaring her so much and yet a part of him was still guilty over leaving behind Calypso. He left Percy in peace and kept reading, for now.
I talked to Hephaestus."
"He told you the answer?"
"Well, he sort of told me that I already knew. And I do. I understand now."
I told them my idea.
"Was it a good one?" Alex cheerfully sarcasamed even knowing the answer.
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves," Percy grinned along.
Annabeth's jaw dropped. "Percy, that's crazy!"
"As opposed to every other plan he's ever had," Thalia rolled her eyes.
"Why is the book being cryptic about it?" Jason asked blankly. "There's only been two mortals that have clear sight. You've yet to bring your mom on an adventure, and you now go to the same school with Rachel. It's obviously going to be one of them with my money on Rachel."
"Don't look at me man, I didn't write them," Percy shrugged. His mom hadn't even crossed his mind. The moment he understood, he knew Rachel was the one to ask. It all fell into place a little to perfectly, running into her twice in a row.
Chiron sat back in his wheelchair and stroked his beard. "There is precedent, however. Theseus had the help of Ariadne. Harriet Tubman, daughter of Hermes, used many mortals on her Underground Railroad for just this reason."
"I seriously need an entire history class from Chiron right now," Jason sighed with longing.
"I will ban you from this camp if you try to set up classrooms," Percy scowled.
"Volunteer classrooms?" He pleaded.
"No! Annabeth would spend all her free time in them!" Percy insisted.
"Boys," Thalia patiently cut in. "Time and place you two. Kill each other over this later." Besides, Percy already knew it was a lost cause by the defeated look on his face. Annabeth would have a blast designing such a thing, let alone being in them, and he'd never deny her that.
"But this is my quest," Annabeth said. "I need to lead it."
Nico's face twitched with the urge not to scowl at this pompous princess, just like Zoe had been. Not wanting to admit she needed people just because she didn't like them- wait. Oh gods. Was he like that too?!
Percy noticed Nico's sudden dumbstruck expression and asked, "What?" Before he could think better of it.
"Nothing," Nico said quickly. He'd just drawn everybody's attention however, and did not like it.
"Uhuh," Percy frowned, but he hadn't a clue what to make of it.
Will cautiously kept reading, leaving Nico to stew alone in his thoughts for now as he realized he might have the same kind of trust problems as two people he'd never liked.
Chiron looked uncomfortable. "My dear, it is your quest. But you need help."
Then Thalia just made it worse with her half-hearted laugh. "Oh if only she'd met Zoe and could hear how hilarious this was."
"Or Clarisse," Jason agreed. Though apparently her siblings had refused, she'd never asked the obvious duo who would go and tried to do it alone instead. "Only Percy has avoided this problem so far, and it's kind of worrisome."
"Percy will take any shmuck on a quest, I don't know how much of a good thing that is," Magnus shook his head. "He'd take me if I asked."
"You say that like it's a bad thing," Percy grinned. "An untrained guy who would just run around screaming would be a great distraction while I kill the monster."
"Thanks, happy to help," Magnus sighed while Nico still struggled to get his composure back in place to much to laugh along like he'd want to now.
"And this is supposed to help? Please! It's wrong. It's cowardly. It's—"
"Hard to admit we need a mortal's help," I said. "But it's true."
Annabeth glared at me. "You are the single most annoying person I have ever met!" And she stormed out of the room.
"I think that means she agreed," Will stage whispered.
"I think she's imagining ripping his lips off next," Thalia snorted.
I stared at the doorway. I felt like hitting something. "So much for being the bravest friend she's ever had."
"She said probably," Alex would be remiss not to remind. "I'm sure she's rethinking that list now."
"Yes! Number one again!" Thalia cheered while Percy easily redirected his annoyance onto her instead of the building structure while Will kept reading to avoid any hitting.
"She will calm down," Chiron promised. "She's jealous, my boy."
Magnus chewed on that with a terrified kind of guilt. He'd grown up with Annabeth as his cousin, but hadn't seen her in over ten years. He had more immediate memories of spending time with Percy than her. Gods he was suddenly grateful she wasn't here, because this sounded like an awful situation to be in the middle of as Percy stammered over his frustration in here, and he could not imagine how she'd be taking this trip down memory lane, which bothered him as much as anything.
He could expect Percy to be blushy, confused, and embarrassed, but he had no clue how his own cousin would be right now. Jealous still? Resentful at all of their mild laughter? Demanding of him or Thalia if she'd really been that obvious? Any outcome possible made his stomach curl with stress because he just didn't know the right answer not to make her angry at him.
"That's stupid. She's not...it's not like..."
Chiron chuckled. "It hardly matters. Annabeth is very territorial about her friends, in case you haven't noticed.
"Vibrantly," Thalia sighed.
"Personally," Percy huffed with the same side-eyed look at her, but he didn't get how that related to this moment.
She was quite worried about you. And now that you're back, I think she suspects where you were marooned."
I met his eyes, and I knew Chiron had guessed about Calypso. It was hard to hide anything from a guy who's been training heroes for three thousand years. He's pretty much seen it all.
"I'm coming up blank on an instance where you have surprised Chiron," Jason agreed.
"Which is clearly something Percy should strive for," Alex nodded seriously.
"We won't dwell on your choices," Chiron said. "You came back. That is what matters."
"Tell that to Annabeth."
Chiron smiled. "In the morning I will have Argus take the two of you into Manhattan.
"Does Annabeth try to blow up a bus with you inside it this time?" Alex chuckled. "That'll teach you to make her jealous."
Percy looked a tad horrified for a second as he really wasn't sure if the answer was no.
You might stop by your mother's, Percy. She is...understandably distraught."
My heart skipped a beat. All that time on Calypso's island, I'd never even thought how my mom would be feeling. She'd think I was dead. She'd be devastated. What was wrong with me that I hadn't even considered that?
Percy had in here, he frowned as he rubbed at his temple, but he still felt selfish for not having so back then. Gods, he didn't deserve his mom more and more with every crazy stunt he did. Maybe it would have been better if he'd stayed on that island, where Annabeth would have moved on in peace rather than wanting to throw a bus at him and his mom constantly in fear for him... it would have just been a relief to them both if he'd-
Thalia smacked him. Hard. "Focus Persnickety," she snapped.
"Right," Percy rubbed absently at the spot as he nodded his thanks. What's done is done, he had left. While he still had half a mind of going back and helping Calypso and maybe using that place as a secret bunker to get away from his life some time, he knew without a doubt he'd still never be able to stay there permanently no matter how many peoples lives he messed up.
"Chiron," I said, "what about Grover and Tyson? Do you think—"
"I don't know, my boy." Chiron gazed into the empty fireplace. "Juniper is quite distressed. All her branches are turning yellow. The Council of Cloven Elders had revoked Grover's searcher license in absentia. Assuming he comes back alive, they will force him into a shameful exile."
Percy looked like he was trying to chew up a metal fork in Grover's absence. He was so agitated at himself for leaving those two behind, at that stupid Council for not caring what state Grover would come back in.
He sighed. "Grover and Tyson are very resourceful, however. We can still hope."
"Someone should start a Make a Wish Foundation for as much as Chiron says that," Will grumbled. It wasn't bad advice, sparingly.
"I shouldn't have let them run off."
"I do not think you could have stopped them," Thalia reminded.
Percy wanted to argue, that he should have gone with them rather than the fiasco he'd caused. Maybe they would have found Pan and he would have given them the same secret of how to properly navigate the labyrinth without his fiery sidestep.
He had already lived for days in the question of what if though. It had yet done him a single bit of good.
"Grover has his own destiny, and Tyson was brave to follow him. You would know if Grover was in mortal danger, don't you think?"
"I suppose. The empathy link. But—"
"There is something else I should tell you, Percy," he said. "Actually two unpleasant things."
"Is there an actual limit on this?" Percy groaned. "Have I not hit my cap for a lifetime?"
Thalia was patting him on the shoulder as Nico thought to himself he hadn't yet, and he was pretty sure he would first.
"Great."
"Chris Rodriguez, our guest..."
I remembered what I'd seen in the basement, Clarisse trying to talk to him while he babbled about the Labyrinth. "Is he dead?"
"Not yet," Chiron said grimly. "But he's much worse. He's in the infirmary now, too weak to move.
Jason wanted to protest his own parent hadn't shown up to try and mend this...but the answer felt juvenile flitting through his mind. Like he may as well be disappointed in Santa for not bringing a gift. Something of this felt normal in a way that didn't feel good, desensitized. He was used to the Gods uncaring what happened he supposed.
 I had to order Clarisse back to her regular schedule, because she was at his bedside constantly.
Will's mouth twitched unpleasantly as Chiron shared that private information. He was sure if Clarisse were here she'd have turned them all into powder by whatever means necessary rather than letting those looks of pitiful sorrow linger in here for a second.
He doesn't respond to anything. He won't take food or drink. None of my medicines help. He has simply lost the will to live."
Magnus closed his eyes to try and hide how hard that hit him. He saw way to much of it, knew how easily it could happen if left alone with your own madness. He didn't know anything about Chris, but he had been him for a cold minute. Magnus hoped he met Clarisse now, to try and tell her it wasn't her fault, even if she punched him in the face for it.
I shuddered. Despite all the run-ins I'd had with Clarisse, I felt horrible for her. She'd tried so hard to help him. And now that I'd been in the Labyrinth, I could understand why it had been so easy for the ghost of Minos to drive Chris mad. If I'd been wandering around down there alone, without my friends to help, I'd never have made it out.
Alex fidgeted with his hair for a moment as he tried not to feel called out. That he'd have probably jumped into that labyrinth by himself and possibly ended the same way. He didn't usually think of himself as a conceited person, but he never excused himself from proudly proclaiming to be a lone wolf.
"I'm sorry to say," Chiron continued, "the other news is less pleasant still.
There was no jokes or sarcastic commentary for what that might be. They were all tired of the constant stress and bad news that was Percy's life.
Quintus has disappeared."
Percy made such a blistering sigh they were surprised not to see a trail of smoke from his lips. Alex felt much the same, he had really been hoping the badass demigod with the coolest dog ever who had outlived a life expectancy of teenager wouldn't turn out to be an evil bad guy, working for Kronos or otherwise.
"Disappeared? How?"
"I'm assuming you will not take the answer, into thin air?" Thalia snorted.
"I'm over here hoping he just went for some cigarettes and is never coming back," Jason scowled.
"Three nights ago he slipped into the Labyrinth. Juniper watched him go.
"I hope Juniper is getting paid for all this espionage stuff," Nico huffed.
"I'm not sure if she'd know what to do with anything other than extra fertilizer," Will admitted.
It appears you may have been right about him."
Percy wasn't particularly thrilled somebody, Chiron of all people, was admitting he was right. It was like if Annabeth ever admitted he was right about Luke. It just wouldn't feel good in any circumstances where he didn't want to be right.
"He's a spy for Luke." I told Chiron about the Triple G Ranch—how Quintus had bought his scorpions there and Geryon had been supplying Kronos's army. "It can't be a coincidence."
Chiron sighed heavily. "So many betrayals. I had hoped Quintus would prove a friend. It seems my judgment was bad."
Thalia knew exactly how Percy was feeling. She didn't want to hear Chiron was, 'human.' That he had faulty judgment and could still be fooled after all these years. That his kinder, gentler side had a weakness.
"What about Mrs. O'Leary?" I asked.
"What do you mean what about her?" Alex looked at him like he was nuts, which was not a new expression by any means. "He took his dog."
Percy no longer had the whistle on him, but he toyed with the icy cold of it in his mind. He was missing some connection there as that hellhound and Annabeth tumbled around in his thoughts.
"The hellhound is still in the arena. It won't let anyone approach. I did not have the heart to force it into a cage...or destroy it."
Alex made a deep noise of anger quite close to a growl. That Chiron had slipped into calling her an it the moment he saw her as a monster again, that Mrs. O'Leary had been abandoned, that nobody was likely ever going to trust that dog again and she was going to just vanish into the forest never to be seen again.
"Quintus wouldn't just leave her."
The stuttering noises of surprise around Percy didn't cover his own feelings.
Annabeth didn't talk about her first few months at camp, but he got the sense Luke had been more distant than he was on the streets. Quieter. Annabeth blamed herself for not spotting what was coming sooner as much as she denied nothing had to change permanently.
Quintus had raised that dog when he didn't have to. Something about him abandoning her after giving him a whistle to summon her to danger felt callous and unloving, and yet did not match with the man he'd met who had thrown himself in front of that massive dog and kept her around all these years as a companion.
The connection felt obvious, but the pieces didn't fit.
"As I said, Percy, we seem to have been wrong about him. Now, you should prepare yourself for the morning. You and Annabeth still have much to do."
"Glad you're back, now get lost," Magnus muttered.
Nico poorly smothered a laugh he felt the same way. They usually skipped to step two with him, but it was nice to hear Percy didn't have week long parties because he came back.
I left him in his wheelchair, staring sadly into the fireplace. I wondered how many times he'd sat here, waiting for heroes that never came back.
Jason didn't know how to share his own troubled thoughts with that. To hope that anyone even missed him already felt like asking a lot of the world. He had no feeling, no connection to the idea of a kind old mentor like this centaur was to so many.
Before dinner I stopped by the sword arena. Sure enough, Mrs. O'Leary was curled up in an enormous black furry mound in the middle of the stadium, chewing halfheartedly on the head of a warrior dummy.
"That poor baby," Magnus said with all his heart.
"When you find Quintus, I need you to punch him in the face just for this," Alex told him.
"It is on my to do list," Percy sighed.
When she saw me, she barked and came bounding toward me. I thought I was dead meat.
"I hate to be the one to inform you of this Percy, but you are very alive meat," Jason informed him.
"Yeah, she's a good girl like that," Percy chuckled.
I just had time to say, "Whoa!" before she bowled me over and started licking my face. Now usually, being the son of Poseidon and all, I only get wet if I want to, but my powers apparently did not extend to dog saliva, because I got a pretty good bath.
"About time," Thalia plugged up her nose. "We were about to stage an intervention."
"So I'm curious," Alex began in a very dangerous, curious tone. "When you do get in the shower, do you have to concentrate the whole time on the water getting to you? That sounds like an exhausting and fair excuse to do so sparingly."
"Usually I just have to think about it when I get in," Percy said in a long suffering voice like Nico was still following him around all these years later trying to interrogate him.
"Whoa, girl!" I yelled. "Can't breathe. Lemme up!"
Eventually I managed to get her off me. I scratched her ears and found her an extra-gigantic dog biscuit.
"Where's your master?" I asked. Her. "How could he just leave you, huh?"
She whimpered like she wanted to know that, too. I was ready to believe Quintus was an enemy, but still I couldn't understand why he'd leave Mrs. O'Leary behind. If there was one thing I was sure of, it was that he really cared for his megadog.
"You'd kind of have to, to pick up after her," Will agreed with a sad smile. He was guilty of leaving plates of food around for her. She growled if he got to close, but the eggs and bacon were always gone when he came back.
I was thinking about that and toweling the dog spit off my face when a girl's voice said, "You're lucky she didn't bite your head off."
"The amount of times Percy is lucky a she didn't bite his head off has its own chart," Jason grinned.
"And the he's?" Alex asked with interest.
"I will not reveal my data until all is complete," his grin widened, "but slim in comparison."
Clarisse was standing at the other end of the arena with her sword and shield. "Came here to practice yesterday," she grumbled. "Dog tried to chew me up."
"A worthy challenge Clarisse took to with nothing but pride I'm sure," Nico said.
"Hey, what better practice than the real thing," Percy agreed.
Will snorted and declined mentioning the camp was out of sausages for a month after that day.
"She's an intelligent dog," I said.
"Funny."
Jason gave a theatrical sigh and an imaginary check mark.
She walked toward us. Mrs. O'Leary growled, but I patted her on the head and calmed her down.
"Stupid hellhound," Clarisse said. "Not going to keep me from practicing."
"I heard about Chris," I said. "I'm sorry."
Clarisse paced a circle around the arena. When she came to the nearest dummy, she attacked viciously, chopping its head off with a single blow and driving her sword through its guts. She pulled the sword out and kept walking.
"Those dummies won't be bothering anybody anymore." The last time Percy had said that, it was to someone he liked a whole lot more. He'd learned to respect Clarisse's pride a bit over the years, but even saying that again in a joking manner felt like a bad omen for some reason.
"Yeah, well. Sometimes things go wrong." Her voice was shaky. "Heroes get hurt. They...they die, and the monsters just keep coming back."
She picked up a javelin and threw it across the arena. It nailed a dummy straight between the eyeholes of its helmet.
Nobody had needed her to punctuate her point like that. The endless cycle she spoke of could relate back to a hundred things in the rest of the world. Nico knew intimately he could dismantle every machine Hephaestus had ever built and the god would never stop making more, nor would the act bring his sister back.
She had called Chris a hero, like he had never gone over to the Titan's side. It reminded me of the way Annabeth sometimes talked about Luke. I decided not to bring that up.
"Look at you valuing your life for once," Thalia shook her head, while Jason made another check mark.
"Chris was brave," I said. "I hope he gets better."
She glared at me as if I were her next target. Mrs. O'Leary growled.
"That, is seven layers of terrifying," Magnus shivered. He would have been hauling out of that room like he was a dummy with a brain.
"Those two are not to be trifled with," Alex said cheerfully.
"Are we doing baking puns now?" Percy asked blankly, absently noting Magnus never corrected Alex on his stupid grammering. "Why is that a thing?"
"You know you want to jump in Perce, your mom's a killer baker," Alex grinned.
Will kept reading in the silence and Percy wasn't going to be the one to argue the point.
"Do me a favor," Clarisse told me.
"Yeah, sure."
"I cannot begin to imagine what kind of favor Clarisse would ask of anyone, let alone you," Jason admitted.
"To come up with as cool a nickname as Prissy," Alex smirked.
It probably wouldn't kill them if he just flicked their couches over, Percy thought to himself. Just a tiny flick of his finger, that's all it would take... Will was saving a lot of lives today by reading through his thoughts.
"If you find Daedalus, don't trust him. Don't ask him for help. Just kill him."
"Clarisse—"
"Because anybody who can make something like the Labyrinth, Percy? That person is evil. Plain evil."
"Growing more relieved by the page Clarisse did not come on this quest with Annabeth," Thalia said. They absolutely would have murdered each other by now having a too spirited debate about the outcome of all this.
For a second she reminded me of Eurytion the cowherd, her much older half brother. She had the same hard look in her eyes, as if she'd been used for the past two thousand years and was getting tired of it.
Nico wondered if she'd prayed to her dad for help about Chris and got no answer. If she'd spent countless hours considering any method worth it to get Chris back...
He finally had to reach the conclusion it might be something other than Stockholm's syndrome making him want to return to camp and stay there if he could find something in common with even Clarisse.
She sheathed her sword. "Practice time is over. From now on, it's for real."
Magnus had never believed for an instant any of this was playtime and funsies. Maybe it was just because he was hearing all of this from Percy, the kid who had been chased there by a minotaur and had his mom nearly killed for it, but this camp had never felt so much as a safe sanctuary to practice in as a ground for warriors in training to survive with silly arts and crafts tables to make it seem less dower.
Clarisse was always a huge part of that too. From the beginning she came across rough, the military brat who was going to get away with everything and make everyone's life miserable for it.
Instead she got a touch more human every time she interacted with Percy, leaving Magnus with a guilty feeling he wasn't immune to preconceived judgment.
That night I slept in my own bunk, and for the first time since Calypso's Island, dreams found me.
"You make it sound like they stock you," Jason said with a touch of sympathy.
"It's Grover, he's gawking everybody now," Thalia said with a hint of hope that's all this would be, more horrors showing their favorite satyr alive with Tyson.
I was in a king's courtroom—
"Someone's going to either threaten to decapitate someone or shout for guards by the end of this, it's inevitable," Will sighed.
"If Percy were actually in there, you know something unpredictable would happen," Jason managed to say like it was a compliment. "Maybe confetti would rain down or something."
"I walk around with glitter in my pockets just in case I need to throw someone off," Percy nodded seriously.
"How much time do you spend in courtrooms?" Nico asked Will, completely ignoring the two of them.
"The judge has put a gag order on me from answering," Will said a little too innocently.
a big white chamber with marble columns and a wooden throne. Sitting on it was a plump guy with curly red hair and a crown of laurels. At his side stood three girls who looked like his daughters. They all had his red hair and were dressed in blue robes.
The doors creaked open and a herald announced, "Minos, King of Crete!"
I tensed, but the man on the throne just smiled at his daughters. "I can't wait to see the expression on his face."
"Yeah, neither can I," Percy said with his stomach in knots and dread in every syllable. He still had no idea how Daedalus had been in the dungeon of Minos in the first place, but getting more of this story didn't seem to be easing towards a good outcome no matter the original cause.
It was only the tiniest bit better than following the inventor himself to see who he'd murder next.
Minos, the royal creep himself,
"I really hope somebody went out of their way to spray-paint that on his throne at least once," Thalia chuckled.
swept into the room. He was so tall and serious he made the other king look silly. Minos's pointed beard had gone gray. He looked thinner than the last time I'd dreamed of him, and his sandals were splattered with mud, but the same cruel light shined in his eyes.
"Because if that wasn't there we'd know he was an imposter or something," Nico huffed, still bitter at Percy for constantly describing this guy as cartoonishly evil like he'd been to dense to notice.
He bowed stiffly to the man on the throne.
"Does one king bow to another?" Percy asked blankly. He'd been a little detached in his dream to care.
"There's some politics involved and a hierarchy I have no clue about," Thalia shrugged.
"King Cocalus. I understand you have solved my little riddle?"
Cocalus smiled. "Hardly little, Minos. Especially when you advertise across the world that you are willing to pay a thousand gold talents to the one who can solve it. Is the offer genuine?"
Minos clapped his hands. Two buff guards walked in, struggling with a big wooden crate. They set it at Cocalus's feet and opened it. Stacks of gold bars glittered. It had to be worth like a gazillion dollars.
"Do you know what the difference between a million and a billion is Percy?" Magnus asked with amusement. "A million seconds is 12 days. A billion seconds is 31 years."
"So a gazillion is enough to make it far into the future where Godzilla has brought about world peace," Percy grinned.
Cocalus whistled appreciatively. "You must have bankrupted your kingdom for such a reward, my friend."
"That is not your concern."
"I think that sounds like a general concern to the commerce world," Magnus offered. He was vaguely confident enough economy's had a way of bouncing off each other.
Cocalus shrugged. "The riddle was quite simple, really. One of my retainers solved it."
"Father," one of the girls warned. She looked like the oldest—a little taller than her sisters.
Cocalus ignored her.
"Cocalus is going to die," Jason said with a weird amount of confidence. This guy going around ignoring someone just kind of spelled it out.
"Everybody dies eventually Jason, keep up," Nico snorted.
He took a spiral seashell from the folds of his robe.
A silver string had been threaded through it, so it hung like a huge bead on a necklace.
"That's one hell of a fashion statement," Alex snorted, making Magnus immediately envision him wearing one and then fighting not to blush.
Minos stepped forward and took the shell. "One of your retainers, you say? How did he thread the string without breaking the shell?"
"He used an ant, if you can believe it. Tied a silk string to the little creature and coaxed it through the shell by putting honey at the far end."
"That was the height of science back then huh?" Percy snickered.
"How much farther have we really gotten?" Thalia rolled her eyes. "I won't be impressed until we can thread a silk string through a blackhole."
"Ingenious man," Minos said.
"Oh, indeed. My daughters' tutor. They are quite fond of him."
Minos's eyes turned cold. "I would be careful of that."
I wanted to warn Cocalus: Don't trust this guy! Throw him in the dungeon with some man-eating lions or something!
"Those poor lions," Will said tragically, "they'd have indigestion for weeks."
"It's to fast and painless a death for him anyways, cats always go for the neck," Alex said with way to much confidence.
But the redheaded king just chuckled. "Not to worry, Minos. My daughters are wise beyond their years. Now, about my gold—"
"Yes," Minos said. "But you see the gold is for the man who solved the riddle. And there can be only one such man. You are harboring Daedalus."
Cocalus shifted uncomfortably on his throne. "How is that you know his name?"
"He is a thief," Minos said. "He once worked in my court, Cocalus. He turned my own daughter against me. He helped a usurper make a fool of me in my own palace. And then he escaped justice. I have been pursuing him for ten years."
"At what point is a grudge going to far?" Jason asked. "Six months? A year? A year and three months?"
"I have to grudgingly admire anyone who can dedicate their life to something, I know I don't have the attention span for it," Percy scoffed.
"I knew nothing of this. But I have offered the man my protection. He has been a most useful—"
"I offer you a choice," Minos said. "Turn over the fugitive to me, and this gold is yours. Or risk making me your enemy. You do not want Crete as your enemy."
Cocalus paled. I thought it was stupid for him to look so scared in the middle of his own throne room. He should've summoned his army or something. Minos only had two guards. But Cocalus just sat there sweating on his throne.
"How big a country was Crete?" Magnus asked. "Would it be like North Dakota vs South Dakota, or like Asia versus Australia."
"The, first," Thalia answered as well as she could. "More like Crete is California and Cocalus is the King of New Jersey. One is infinitely more big and powerful than the other, but they are connected."
"Well now I'm not sure I want Cocalus to come out of this on top though," Percy frowned. Thalia smacked him and threatened to staple a New Yorker pin to his head as Will tried to keep going.
"Father," his oldest daughter said, "you can't—"
"Silence, Aelia." Cocalus twisted his beard. He looked again at the glittering gold. "This pains me, Minos. The gods do not love a man who breaks his oath of hospitality."
"The gods do not love those who harbor criminals, either."
"Depends on the god?" Nico said with an awkward smile.
"Yeah, got to give him that one." Percy sighed. He could just imagine Zeus harboring a criminal and breaking every oath of hospitality if it suited him.
Cocalus nodded. "Very well. You shall have your man in chains."
"Father!" Aelia said again. Then she caught herself, and changed her voice to a sweeter tone. "At—at least let us feast our gust first. After his long journey, he should be treated to a hot bath, new clothes, and a decent meal. I would be honored to draw the bath myself."
"If anybody falls for this, they deserve what happens to them next," Alex rolled his eyes so hard it looked like it hurt.
"Yeah," Magnus agreed with a pained wince. It didn't feel great to blindly condone whatever mayhem was bound to happen next, but if the crown fit...
She smiled prettily at Minos, and the old king grunted. "I suppose a bath would not be amiss." He looked at Cocalus. "I will see you at dinner, my lord. With the prisoner."
"Now what, oh what could be hiding in that bathtub?" Alex's eyes lit up at his favorite game of guessing the next carnage. "Piranhas? Is someone going to get soap in his eye? Is he going to be stabbed in the shower?"
Percy began making a terrible recreation noise of the Slasher theme while the others all laughed, and Magnus was the only one wondering if they were all kind of terrifying for laughing at the probable murder that was about to happen.
"This way, Your Majesty," said Aelia. She and her sisters led Minos out of the chamber.
I followed them into a bath chamber decorated with mosaic tiles. Steam filled the air. A running-water faucet poured hot water into the tub.
Magnus was immediately distracted from his thoughts of psychopaths to ask, "they had pipes and hot water?"
"Plumbing is as old as the gods, confirmed," Percy snorted.
Aelia and her sisters filled it with rose petals and something that must've been Ancient Greek Mr. Bubble, because soon the water was covered with multicolored foam. The girls turned aside as Minos dropped his robes and slipped into the bath.
"Ahh." He smiled. "An excellent bath. Thank you, my dears. The journey has been long indeed."
"You have been chasing your prey ten years, my lord?" Aelia asked, batting her eyelashes. "You must be very determined."
"I never forget a debt." Minos grinned. "Your father was wise to agree to my demands."
"Oh, indeed, my lord!" Aelia said. I thought she was laying on the flattery pretty thick, but the old guy was eating it up. Aelia's sisters trickled scented oil over the king's head.
"She was literally just arguing with her dad against this," Jason rolled his eyes. "It's almost sad how easy this guy is to kill, all Daedalus had to do was flatter him for a moment and he could have stabbed him."
"Might have worked on Daedalus too," Percy muttered. If he was willing to murder a kid who had insulted his ego, it might have worked the other way too.
"You know, my lord," Aelia said, "Daedalus thought you would come. He thought the riddle might be a trap, but he couldn't resist solving it."
"Why does it not surprise me all children of Athena seem to have the same flaw," Alex said rhetorically.
"Because it would be ridiculous if one of them got the opposite, but a lot more interesting about their mortal parent," Will said curiously anyways. They might have very well gone off on a whole talk about it if Thalia hadn't cleared her throat to keep them on track.
Minos frowned. "Daedalus spoke to you about me?"
"All flowery language and very polite I'm sure," Nico smirked.
"Yes, my lord."
"He is a bad man, princess. My own daughter fell under his spell. Do not listen to him."
"He is a genius," Aelia said. "And he believes a woman is just as smart as a man. He was the first to ever teach us as if we had minds of our own. Perhaps your daughter felt the same way."
Minos tried to sit up, but Aelia's sisters pushed him back into the water.
"I didn't realize the Greeks had gender problems," Magnus admitted. "They worship goddesses, a goddess of wisdom. How do they also think girls shouldn't learn and shit?"
"I have whole pamphlets on that mess from Artemis's time back then," Thalia rolled her eyes while Jason and Magnus looked ready to wrestle over who would read them first.
Aelia came up behind him. She held three tiny orbs in her palm. At first I thought they were bath beads.
Alex burst out laughing hard at the idea they were going to turn the water blood red to hide what they'd done and everybody in the palace was just going to think he was taking a long nap.
But she threw them in the water and the beads sprouted bronze threads that began wrapping around the king, tying him up at the ankles, binding his wrists to his sides, circling his neck. Even though I hated Minos, it was pretty horrible to watch. He thrashed and cried out, but the girls were much stronger. Soon he was helpless, lying in the bath with his chin just above the water. The bronze strands were still wrapping around him like a cocoon, tightening across his body.
"That is terrifying!" Magnus stated with every confidence. "Do the beads activate by water? Why did she have those?"
"I'm guessing Daedalus gave them to her for protection," Percy said with interest as he wondered if he could get his hands on some.
"Gods, what circumstances did he plan for these girls to sporadically give him a bath to make them?" Magnus was looking more traumatized by the second.
"They could just be activated some other way and we're not getting the whole blueprint," Thalia shrugged, plenty intrigued by these little things herself and wondering if Artemis would consider making them.
Magnus sighed, resigning himself to the fact he was in a room with a bunch of heroic murderers.
"Might name my first born child Aelia now," Alex said with pride, and Magnus somehow still sunk lower in his seat.
"What do you want?" Minos demanded. "Why do you do this?"
Aelia smiled.
"Is that not obvious at this point?" Jason snorted.
"One minded goal," Nico shrugged. Minos hadn't gotten over that even in death, everything Daedalus had ever done to wrong him was pretty much all he talked about when he wasn't guiding him on his powers. Gods, he'd been an idiot for not realizing the trick sooner.
"Daedalus has been kind to us, Your Majesty. And I do not like you threatening our father."
"Gods do I hope this girl got to rule her kingdom," Will grinned. "She's ruthless but compassionate, she sounds perfect."
Nico found himself mentally jotting that down with no real idea why.
"You tell Daedalus," Minos growled. "You tell him I will hound him even after death! If there is any justice in the Underworld, my soul will haunt him for eternity!"
Nico made a bleak noise of a laugh. Justice? In the Underworld? Minos had only made his way through there by scheming and lying to the right people just like on the mortal plane. Justice was an equal death for all he'd tried to evade. Minos was lucky Hades didn't always have the time to deal out justice for every soul who passed him and set up the judges instead.
"Brave words, Your Majesty," Aelia said. "I wish you luck finding your justice in the Underworld."
And with that, the bronze threads wrapped around Minos's face, making him a bronze mummy.
"Yeah, no," Magnus rubbed hard at his arms. "I am never taking a bath near a red head now, not happening."
"I hope one day you have to explain that and I'm there for every detail," Alex continued laughing without a care in the world.
The door of the bathhouse opened. Daedalus stepped in, carrying a traveler's bag.
Percy whistled impressively. "That is one way to get away with murder, not even being in the room."
"His invention, someone else's execution," Thalia agreed. "They should all go down, but he is a genius, no denying that."
"I'm actually disappointed he was just like, standing on the other side of the door or something," Will frowned. "Getting those girls to do his dirty work while he couldn't even watch. I'm glad if he's reformed and can't stand the idea of more murder he's caused, but that felt cowardly."
"I'm with Will, he should have looked him in the eye," Jason agreed with a feral smile.
Magnus once again sighed...but then conceded he wouldn't be a normal person if he was ever left alone with the god who had sicked wolves on his mom.
He'd trimmed his hair short. His beard was pure white. He looked frail and sad, but he reached down and touched the mummy's forehead. The threads unraveled and sank to the bottom of the tub. There was nothing inside them. It was as if King Minos had just dissolved.
"He definitely deserved something like flesh eating bugs and having all of his organs put in a jar before such a death," Alex scowled.
"The full mummification process was actually reserved for nobility, or very high class," Nico corrected. "It's a less dignifying death this way he got no special treatment."
"Fair," Alex shrugged.
"A painless death," Daedalus mused. "More than he deserved. Thank you, my princesses."
Aelia hugged him. "You cannot stay here, teacher. When our father finds out—"
"Yes," Daedalus said. "I fear I have brought you trouble."
"Oh, do not worry for us. Father will be happy enough taking that old man's gold. And Crete is a very long way away. But he will blame you for Minos's death. You must flee to somewhere safe."
Magnus didn't think that sounded like a very fair deal to Cocalus and his kingdom, now likely trapped in a war that was going to cost him all that gold if he wasn't over run when Crete found out that's where their ruler had died, but it also probably tied into a lot of factors he couldn't begin to guess at like if Crete would even care such a cruel man was dead and the power vacuum would be a more pressing concern for them.
"Somewhere safe," the old man repeated. "For years I have fled from kingdom to kingdom, looking for somewhere safe. I fear Minos told the truth. Death will not stop him from hounding me. There is no place under the sun that will harbor me, once word of this crime gets out."
Nico's mind spun around that for a moment. He'd never expected to have something in common with Daedalus. He wasn't even sure if he knew what the feeling of safe was anymore. His time at Westover Hall in ignorance was as close as he'd come before here.
"Then where will you go?" Aelia said.
"A place I swore never to enter again," Daedalus said.
"And that's why you shouldn't swear kids," Thalia snorted, "or at least only reserve it for serious situations."
"Like stubbing your toe, or making life binding vows," Percy grinned.
"My prison may be my only sanctuary."
"I do not understand," Aelia said.
"It's best you did not."
"But what of the Underworld?" one of her sisters asked. "Terrible judgment will await you! Every man must die."
"Perhaps," Daedalus said. Then he brought a scroll from his traveling bag—the same scroll I'd seen in my last dream, with his nephews notes. "Or perhaps not."
Percy wasn't sure if they'd gone as far into the past as they were going to with this guy, he could never tell with his dreams.
He didn't feel like he'd learned anything spectacularly inspiring about why he might still be in the maze to this day. For all he knew Daedalus still thought flip flops were the main form of travel and didn't even realize how much time had passed...but that answer didn't feel right. He was sure he was still missing a part of this story, and yet was in no way looking forward to the rest. Which didn't bode well for the rest of this quest.
He patted Aelia's shoulder, then blessed her and her sisters. He looked down once more at the coppery threads glinting in the bottom of the bath.
"What happens when they fish those out?" Percy mock whispered.
"I assume they don't use them to invent cable, but who knows?" Thalia shrugged.
"Find me if you dare, king of the ghosts."
"Hadn't Annabeth said something about that in her prophecy?" Alex well remembered she had, and didn't look pleased at this answer. "This is why? Because he's a ghost with a vengeance? I bet there are plenty of them like that."
Percy looked plenty troubled by that declaration. It felt off, misplaced, and his mind felt instantly pained for trying to understand why as Nico pursed up his lips rather than answer in any way.
He turned toward the mosaic wall and touched a tile. A glowing mark appeared—a Greek ∆—and the wall slid aside. The princesses gasped.
"You never told us of secret passages!" Aelia said. "You have been busy."
"The Labyrinth has been busy," Daedalus corrected. "Do not try to follow me, my dears, if you value your sanity."
"Have I mentioned how much I dislike everybody calling this thing alive?" Magnus sighed.
"At least he gives good advice for a murderer," Alex said cheerfully.
Well at least that meant Alex did value his sanity, not all of them were so sure about that before.
My dream shifted. I was underground in a stone chamber. Luke and another half-blood warrior were studying a map by flashlight.
"Yeah, I wanna go back to talking about the guy who helps girls study to be serial killers," Magnus scowled instantly at this guy popping up again.
"Seconded," Percy said with a low, dangerous tone to his voice once more.
Luke cursed. "It should've been the last turn." He crumpled up the map and tossed it aside.
"Sir!" his companion protested.
"Maps are useless here," Luke said.
"So, why was he looking at a map?" Nico asked in the same idiotic tone he would have asked Annabeth constantly trying to apply logic to this place.
"Bad influence? Hopefully Saturn is just as useless," Jason tried to say with some vague hope.
"Don't worry. I'll find it."
"Sir, is it true that the larger the group—"
"The more likely you get lost? Yes, that's true. Why do you think we sent out solo explorers to begin with?
"Personal entertainment," Thalia spat.
"Horrible strategizing," Jason said again. He really hoped Saturn was that bad.
But don't worry. As soon as we have the thread, we can lead the vanguard through."
"But how will we get the thread?"
Luke stood, flexing his fingers.
"Did he have his sword back on him?" Alex asked critically.
"No," Percy frowned at the still empty scabbard even in a place like this. He was either the cockiest bastard alive...or Percy was really missing something.
Or Luke had lost it and didn't have his mom around to magically find it behind the washing machine for him.
It was definitely one of those.
"Oh, Quintus will come through.
There was a collective shiver of disgust around the room. Nobody was happy the camp was double crossed like that.
All we have to do is reach the arena, and it's at the juncture. Impossible to get anywhere without passing it.
"Percy got several places without passing an arena," Magnus frowned.
"Nowhere important in the maze," Nico clarified. "You can wander in a circle all your life, but if you have a destination in mind, you can't get to it without passing through there." He had avoided it by dipping in and out of the underworld and mortal world as needed. His heritage and the help of the ghosts were the only reason.
"Great, details about the sentient maze and how it wants you dead, my favorite," Magnus muttered.
That's why we must have a truce with its master. We just have to stay alive until—"
"Sir!" a new voice came from the corridor. Another guy in Greek armor ran forward, carrying a torch.
Will was selfishly grateful for a moment Nico was still on that farm, safe away from this. He felt the tight pain of that the more he lingered on it. He never knew the number of how many kids were on Luke's side, he'd never wanted to. He certainly hadn't sat around and liked to think of Luke surrounded by monsters all day, but having kids on lookouts at every deadly corner still felt worse. Who was it that time? Little Tommy who kept saying he was going to grow up to be a doctor too? Jack who had plans to build a building-sized robot? Any of the kids who had just vanished over the years and were never seen again.
"The dracaenae found a half-blood!"
Luke scowled. "Alone? Wandering the maze?"
"Like he did to kids?" Thalia mock gasped, her voice acidic. "Is he going to see what he did to his own scouts?" She certainly hoped he'd had to face what he'd done to kids like Chris.
"Yes, sir! You'd better come quick. They're in the next chamber. They've got him cornered."
"Who is it?"
"No one I've ever seen before, sir."
Luke nodded. "A blessing from Kronos. We may be able to use this halfblood. Come!"
They ran down the corridor, and I woke with a start, staring into the dark.
A lone half-blood, wandering in the maze. It was a long time before I got to sleep again.
Percy chewed hard on the cap of his pen. His mind instantly jumped to Nico, but he was supposed to be safe at the farm, so he was very grateful it couldn't be him. That just left hundreds of other faceless kids who were scared beyond all reason, lost and alone, in there for any reason or no reason at all and about to play right into Luke's hand like he had.
Was Luke going to be charming to them? Friendly and inviting into his cool I Hate Gods Club with a pin and everything?
Or was his face going to be in shadows, his scar flickering in their torch light as he commanded the kid be used as a human sacrifice to shut up a pesky monster complaining about being hungry?
How was this random kid going to be of any more use then the ones already on that side of the war?
Thalia finally had to get his attention by taking the rest of his pen away, so that Riptide sprang to full form in her hand and nearly into the roof of his mouth if she wasn't so swift, while the cap dangled from his lips without a single bite mark on it.
He spat it out and snatched it back from her in betrayal, but at least now as he scooped up the top and put it back in his pocket they were sure he was paying attention again and not making the water darker and recede towards him like a hurricane on the horizon.
The next morning I made sure Mrs. O'Leary had enough dog biscuits. I asked Beckendorf to keep an eye on her, which he didn't seem too happy about.
"He'll warm up to her real quick when he straps a tool belt around her with literally every kind of hammer," Will chuckled.
"He should put a radio on her back, subwoofers," Thalia laughed.
Percy groaned and covered his ears like that was really the worst thing he'd ever heard while he poorly covered his laugh that matched everybody else's.
Then I hiked over Half-Blood Hill and met Annabeth and Argus on the road.
Annabeth and I didn't talk much in the van.
Percy felt like he was still finding sand from Ogygia in his pockets for days afterword's, and most of all in his mouth right now as he swallowed dry. There had been so much he wanted to say to her at the time...and now he couldn't think of a word.
Argus never spoke, probably because he had eyes all over his body, including—so I'd heard—at the tip of his tongue, and he didn't like to show that off.
"What a shame," Alex said, dearly wishing he could make an eyeball on his tongue right now.
Annabeth looked queasy, as if she'd slept even worse than me.
"And that takes some massive talent," Thalia shook her head.
"She always has to be better than me at everything," Percy sighed.
"Bad dreams?" I asked at last.
She shook her head. "An Iris-message from Eurytion."
Nico was surprised the old cow-heard had even noticed. He hadn't been unkind to Nico, but he'd been in his own little world, enjoying coming and going from the house as he pleased for the first time in a very long time. Always inviting Nico to sit down and eat dinner with him, but clearly enjoying his peace and quite as Nico had only stirred beans and brisket around on a plate.
"Eurytion! Is something wrong with Nico?"
Nico was ten times more surprised that was Percy's very first thought. Not that Quintus had showed up, not that Geryon was back already for revenge, not even that Nico had burned the place down in a fit of madness.
If something was wrong. If he was okay?
Will's voice was an instant spike of concern as well, and he was sitting right next to this doofus. It was so...he couldn't even think of the right word for it.
"He left the ranch last night, heading back into the maze."
"Nico was gone before he woke up. Orthus tracked his scent as far as the cattle guard. Eurytion said he'd been hearing Nico talk to himself the last few nights. Only now he thinks Nico was talking with the ghost again, Minos."
Nico sighed as he waited for the verbal abuse any second. He was such an idiot, how could he fall for that again?
It didn't come though.
For once he felt odd defending himself, because he didn't really feel like he needed to. "I, um, he convinced me you and Annabeth were back in the maze, he could sense it, and you two idiots were going to get yourself killed if I didn't come save your butts. He, he said he wanted you out of his maze before you figured out how it worked." He stopped and bit his lip as Percy watched him curiously, a smile on his face?!
"So, you came to help us?" Percy finally confirmed.
"I, yeah, if you put it that way," he quickly averted his eyes, swallowing a scowl and plenty of other snide answers. The guy had just helped him talk to his sister, his only wish, he'd felt he owed him. No. Other. Reason.
Nico sighed hard though and admitted to himself the other reason.
He'd been hoping to save Percy. Maybe to impress him. Show he wasn't just a weak kid.
It hadn't worked out that way...but he had helped...
"He's in danger," I said.
"No kidding. Minos is one of the judges of the dead, but he's got a vicious streak a mile wide. I don't know what he wants with Nico, but—"
"That's not what I meant," I said. "I had this dream last night..." I told her about Luke, how he'd mentioned Quintus, and how his men had found a half-blood alone in the maze.
Annabeth's jaw clenched. "That's very, very bad."
Nico's fingers fiddled with his ring, then drummed on his sword. A quick, agitated pattern. Very, very bad because he was now in Luke's clutches as a child of Hades? Or very, very bad because he was now in Luke's clutches as Bianca's brother?
Annabeth didn't know him at all, it was most likely the first. She was a strategist at heart, it was most likely the first.
But the way Will read it was the same tone he'd used to try persuading him to eat, the same harsh concern when he'd found out he planned to eat as little as possible.
Will seemed to think it was a very, very bad thing because he could get hurt. Judging by Percy's suddenly pale face, just like the one he'd had when he'd taken off into the forest by himself, so did he.
He wanted to tell them both he'd never been around Luke, he hadn't been captured and no cell could hold him...but he didn't want to mess with Percy's memories when he'd gone a decent amount of time without nearly killing them lately and he didn't want to be the one to break that streak.
"So what do we do?"
She raised an eyebrow. "Well, it's a good thing you have a plan to guide us, huh?"
"She sounds soooo sarcastic," Magnus laughed, and he wasn't even there to hear it. "I hope it's an unstoppable plan that goes off without a flaw Percy, or she's never going to let you hear the end of it."
"Yeah," Percy tried to agree with his usual casual smile, but something of it made his stomach quiver, ready to run for its life. He really hoped Rachel agreed to help...but then that would mean he'd be trapped in that maze with Rachel and Annabeth?!
It was Saturday, and traffic was heavy going into the city. We arrived at my mom's apartment around noon.
Percy watched the others startle in surprise. They'd all seemed pretty confident he was taking Rachel into the maze with him and probably just expected a phone call or something in mention.
He smiled though and asked Will to pause as he got up, stretched, and went off. He was only gone for a moment before he was back with a massive plate of blue cookies he seemed more likely to inhale up his nose before they made it to his mouth. He passed them around with the same strained smile his mom would have, Sally Jackson might have had batter on her own apron as she fussed over them.
The boy was plain homesick, and after so many back to back instances of feeling like he should be everywhere else, he sat back into his seat and munched on the closest thing he could get.
When she answered the door, she gave me a hug only a little less overwhelming than having a hellhound jump on you.
Will read that with a kind of unsure lilt to his voice, like he didn't know of what exactly he was reading for the first time. This was more weird and fantasy than the constant monster attacks.
He still wasn't sure if his own mom would recognize him walking down the street, he had no idea what kind of emotion to inflict into that.
"I told them you were all right," my mom said, but she sounded like the weight of the sky had just been lifted off her shoulders—and believe me, I know firsthand how that feels.
"It sounded something like, urgh, argh, owww," Alex helpfully reminded. "Your mom was speaking actual words."
Percy brushed the grey streaks of hair out of his eyes and shook his head at Alex without the usual eye roll. He could never really begrudge any of them when they talked about his mom like she was a more foreign concept than outer space.
She sat us down at the kitchen table and insisted on feeding us her special blue chocolate-chip cookies while we caught her up on the quest.
It was the end of that sentence that caused Percy to nearly choke on his own cookie. This should have been the afternoon he missed out on with Annabeth, after the movie. This was the exact scene he'd envisioned at the start of this trip down memory lane.
Now everything was all twisted and messed up. He'd already blown up another school and a volcano to boot, Annabeth was pissed at him, and he had no idea if Grover and Tyson were even alive.
As usual, I tried to water down the frightening parts (which was pretty much everything), but somehow that just made it sound more dangerous.
"How do you even begin with that?" Nico asked with interest. He'd never tried to tell a story to anybody and was struggling to imagine this scenario more than digging up a grave.
"Practice and fudge," Percy sighed as he tossed another morsel in.
When I got to the part about Geryon and the stables, my mom pretended like she was going to strangle me. "I can't get him to clean his room, but he'll clean a hundred tons of horse manure out of some monster's stables?"
A short but honest round of affectionate laughter went around the room, Thalia of course escalating the joke by demanding of him, "can't you reenact just this one scene Percy? For those in the audience who don't have a live performance!"
"Not a chance Thals," Percy chuckled as he remembered his moms eyes sparkling with amusement. It had been happening a lot more often with Paul around, but it still hadn't gotten old.
Annabeth laughed. It was the first time I'd heard her laugh in a long time, and it was nice to hear.
Percy sighed as he could still remember the exact moment too, her meeting him outside the school he'd set on fire. Laughing about him bumping into her. Even more recently...maybe...was the memory of her kissing him.
He hadn't actually gotten to hear her laugh since he woke up though, and a part of him that worried if he'd ever get out of this place began to gnaw at him if he ever would again.
"So," my mom said when I was done with the story, "you wrecked Alcatraz Island, made Mount St. Helens explode, and displaced half a million people, but at least you're safe." That's my mom, always looking on the bright side.
There was a joke somewhere in there about Apollo hitting on her next Thalia just didn't have the heart to put out. She struggled to pull up a memory about her mom, let alone one she didn't hate.
"Yep," I agreed. "That pretty much covers it."
"You skipped over being chased by Kampe and threatening to shoot Braries and how awesome Calypso was huh?" Jason asked. "Those could have been important details Percy." Like he was chastising someone not filling out a whole report.
"I also left out the part about Hera showing up and scolding me for not figuring out the obvious, and Janus making us miserable, and the toilet water that led to Tartarus. You know, all the minor details," Percy rolled his eyes.
"I wish Paul were here," she said, half to herself. "He wanted to talk to you."
"In what tone?" Alex's voice sounded territorial and a little scary and Percy's mind flashed up the horrible image of Alex strangling Paul with that garrote if he so much as raised his voice.
"I did blow up his school," Percy said quickly and fairly, "I'm pretty confident he would have just, you know, scalded me."
"I really hope you mean scolded," Magnus sighed, and when Percy laughed he realized that's exactly what he'd meant. There was that missing baking joke he knew he was capable of. The carefree noise set them all at ease. Percy had no clear memory of what did happen and obviously wasn't the least bit concerned about it, so that was of some comfort.
"Oh, right. The school."
"Back when your biggest concern was Rachel and cheerleading vampires," Will sighed.
"Oh the good times I never know to cherish," Percy mock agreed.
So much had happened since then that I'd almost forgotten about the high school orientation at Goode—the fact I'd left the band hall in flames, and my mom's boyfriend had last seen me jumping through a window like a fugitive.
"At least you didn't pull a gun on anybody and run off to join a gang?" Magnus offered.
"He does wear color coordinated outfits and has a kill count, I wouldn't count that last one out," Jason snorted.
"Says the guy with a mysterious tattoo," Percy smirked. "You could have ties to the mafia for all we know!"
"And won't that be a fun adventure to sort out together," Jason spread his arms wide with a mock smile like he was waiting for a group hug.
Thalia socked him in the ribs and told Will to get reading as she smothered her panic she had no clue what had happened to Jason all this time and she just didn't have it in her to laugh about it.
"What did you tell him?" I asked.
My mom shook her head. "What could I say? He knows something is different about you, Percy. He's a smart man. He believes that you're not a bad person. He doesn't know what's going on, but the school is pressuring him. After all, he got you admitted there. He needs to convince them the fire wasn't your fault. And since you ran away, that looks bad."
"So, despite an eye witness and a teacher who knows you and was first on the scene vouching you didn't do it, somebody still wants to blame you instead of the cheerleader," Alex clarified in disgust.
"Sounds about right," Percy said sullenly. He glared at the book for several long moments. His life had always boiled down to what others decided they knew of him on paper, everyone except his mom. Nobody had ever asked him why he'd beaten up that guy with a basketball because he had metal talons for nails. Nobody had ever wondered why he'd run away screaming from the principle's office because he kept showing a forked tongue. 
It was just the delinquent Percy Jackson, causing more trouble at every school.
 He wished he could have gotten Chiron on the phone, to go up there and tell them with Mist what 'really happened,' but he only just now thought about it right this second. He had a lot more on his mind back then.
Annabeth was studying me. She looked pretty sympathetic. I knew she'd been in similar situations. It's never easy for a half-blood in the mortal world.
"How, similar?" Magnus asked in concern.
"One time she dropped a whole bookshelf on a custodian because he was really some kind of four eyed monster she did not want to get a closer look at, he was coming at her with a trash bag." Percy sighed. He sounded quite proud all the same her younger self had managed that at all, "of course all the librarian saw was her seriously acting out and she had to get picked up by patrol cars and taken home because nobody could get her dad on the phone. She was almost about to spend the night in some random foster house before he showed up."
Thalia and Will had similar stories from their younger days in school while the others watched in miserable silence. Did every card have to be stacked against kids like them from the beginning?
"I'll talk to him," I promised. "After we're done with the quest. I'll even tell him the truth if you want."
"Can't get any worse?" Nico agreed in a tone that still expected it to.
"Nico, why would you say that?" Percy looked as hurt as if he'd just cussed out his mother.
"I, um, meant the quest," Nico scrambled to cover, because at least he knew Percy survived that. "Your quest can't get any worse, I was not saying any commentary at all about the rest of this situation in an effort to jinx you," he finished all in a rush.
Percy laughed, a good-faith noise that didn't hold a hint of a grudge against Nico for even hinting at that. Grudges weren't Percy's thing.
My mom put her hand on my shoulder. "You would do that?"
"Well, yeah. I mean, he'll think we're crazy."
"He already thinks that."
"Then there's nothing to lose."
"Who's mocking his own existence now?" Will smirked.
"Me," Percy sighed, "why do you think I couldn't blame Nico for doing it? I can take what I dish out."
The others all laughed now, a friendly noise that soundly oddly supportive, but Nico was probably just imagining things.
"Thank you, Percy. I'll tell him you'll be home..." She frowned. "When? What happens now?"
Annabeth broke her cookie in half. "Percy has this plan."
"Taking her feelings out on the cookies," Alex said in betrayal. He'd been breaking them off in chunks to savor every bite.
"She ate the whole plate," Percy said with no regrets. "I was lucky I got four and all my fingers."
Reluctantly I told my mom.
She nodded slowly. "It sounds very dangerous. But it might work."
"You have the same abilities, don't you?" I asked. "You can see through the Mist."
My mom sighed. "Not so much now. When I was younger it was easier.
"How interesting," Jason said in the tone of someone about to do a whole thesis on this.
Magnus and Alex exchanged confused looks. They'd been pretty confident he meant Rachel at first, but now they weren't sure why Percy wasn't taking his mom. If she still could see through the Mist and Percy had even stopped by to see her and tell her everything, well, it would make sense to bring along someone Annabeth trusted wholeheartedly as well.
One look at Percy was the answer though. She'd lived to long in danger of her life having Percy in her home for short bursts. Percy would never indulge the idea for an instant putting her in any kind of harms way. If either of them had suggested it he'd think it treason.
But yes, I've always been able to see more than was good for me. It's one of the things that caught your father's attention, when we first met. Just be careful. Promise me you'll be safe."
"There's a broken promise before it starts," Thalia shivered at the last time Annabeth had promised that and she'd gone over the cliff with a manticore.
Percy had the exact same feeling wash over him and swallowed hard. He couldn't even fool himself the danger was even close to over.
"We'll try, Ms. Jackson," Annabeth said. "Keeping your son safe is a big job, though." She folded her arms and glared out the kitchen window. I picked at my napkin and tried not to say anything.
My mom frowned. "What's going on with you two? Have you been fighting?"
"It would be weirder if they weren't honestly," Magnus admitted.
"How you two ever went from insults to innuendos I haven't guessed yet," Alex agreed suggestively.
Percy turned a whole new color to blush as he tried to splutter a denial there were no innuendos or any 'in' or 'un' or 'dos' in sight, but he wasn't doing a great job even before Will put him out of his misery.
Neither of us said anything.
"I see," my mom said, and I wondered if she could see through more than just the Mist.
He got 'yes's,' and 'absolutely's' from each of his friends in various degrees. Percy sighed with odd pleasure they knew his mom and this situation so well. It made him feel a heck of a lot less like a disaster waiting to happen anyways they knew all the important details of his life instead of just the horrific ones. They knew him as more than just Poseidon's kid, like his friends at Camp, and didn't seem to give a rats fart about his record no matter how many details were shown.
It sounded like she understood what was going on with Annabeth and me, but I sure as heck didn't.
Thalia face palmed hard as she weighed in her mind putting the boy out of his misery and trying to explain it to him now. Only weighing the pro's and con's in her head of constantly reminding herself it would hurt him more than help him right now stopped her, but it was a close race.
Percy watched her for several minutes with mixed hope and dread for whatever the outcome, and was just as relieved as her when Will kept going in the dubious silence.
"Well, remember," she said, "Grover and Tyson are counting on you two."
"I know," Annabeth and I said at the same time, which embarrassed me even more.
Percy still looked marginally embarrassed in here over that. He expected Thalia to whistle and someone else to make a goofy joke about their minds melding.
They were all just kind of sad though. Annabeth was as intricate a part of his life as his mom, and they wished she was here for him.
My mom smiled. "Percy, you'd better use the phone in the hall. Good luck."
I was relieved to get out of the kitchen, even though I was nervous about what I was about to do. I went to the phone and placed the call. The number had washed off my hand a long time ago, but that was okay. Without meaning to, I'd memorized it.
"I can't get you to remember I don't like olives," Thalia said in exasperation. "Your dyslexic ass is over here memorizing phone numbers a random girl put on your hand!"
"I'd remember your phone number if you'd stop sending me messages via hawk's that leave shit on top of my cabin," Percy scoffed.
"It's more my style, I could never pick a ring tone anyways," Thalia shrugged.
We arranged a meeting in Times Square. We found Rachel Elizabeth Dare in front of the Marriott Marquis, and she was completely painted gold.
"What is it with this girl and these fabulous entrances," Alex said in delight. Magnus was suddenly, selfishly glad Rachel hadn't stuck around as he averted his eyes to the ceiling for a moment.
I mean, her face, her hair, her clothes—everything. She looked like she'd been touched by King Midas. She was standing like a statue with five other kids all painted metallic—copper, bronze, silver. They were frozen in different poses while tourists hustled past or stopped to stare. Some passerby threw money at the tarp on the sidewalk.
"Oooh, now that's pretty cool," Will said in full excitement.
"Why would you want to pretend to be a statue?" Magnus asked with distaste. He wasn't a fan of them himself. They were all over Uncle Randolph's creepy house, usually near the windows he peeked in at, not to mention that stupid bronze statue of Leif Erikson with his metal bra. Nope, he could do without admiring statues, thank you.
The sign at Rachel's feet said, URBAN ART FOR KIDS, DONATIONS APPRECIATED.
Magnus's heart instantly melted though as he realized this was some kind of charity event for kids and Alex began happily shouting about what a cool fundraiser this was and where he could sign up. Darn if he wouldn't have wanted to drop a few sticky, coke drenched pennies he'd found onto that tarp himself just to help some other kid out.
Annabeth and I stood there for like five minutes, staring at Rachel, but if she noticed us she didn't let on. She didn't move or even blink that I could see. Being ADHD and all, I could not have done that. Standing still that long would've driven me crazy.
"I guess you don't have any future as an artist," Alex sighed tragically. "It takes a lot of concentration and hours of sitting in one place. Annabeth can manage it over her blueprints, I'm sure you can if you set your mind to it," he even sounded hopefully encouraging.
"Cooking, maybe, that's as close as I've ever gotten to anything arty," Percy shrugged without much hope for himself, and he really wasn't curious enough to try at it all.
It was weird to see Rachel in gold, too. She looked like a statue of somebody famous, an actress or something. Only her eyes were normal green.
"Someone should have busted out the gold contacts for that girl to go all the way," Jason couldn't hold back anymore and began applauding her dedication. She was going to make a great addition to the quest already!
"They probably agitated her eyes, or I bet she would have," Will smiled, he'd seen how intense she got over her cave at camp.
"Maybe if we push her over," Annabeth suggested.
Nico and Alex couldn't help a surprised laugh while Magnus grimaced uncomfortably. He was still half hoping Rachel would refuse to go on this quest now. Annabeth might push her into a monster if that girl started talking to Percy to long.
I thought that was a little mean, but Rachel didn't respond.
"Dedication," Alex said every syllable with a proud smile for that girl. Magnus swallowed the comment he could ignore people too, because, you know, that wasn't very impressive when he could just walk away. "I wonder if people on the streets try to make them laugh like those British guards with the funny hats?"
Magnus started laughing in surprise at the idea of Alex cracking out every joke to break their stance and felt weirdly better for it, even knowing Alex wouldn't do it if he admired their work that much.
After another few minutes, a kid in silver walked up from the hotel taxi stand, where he'd been taking a break. He took a pose like he was lecturing the crowd, right next to Rachel. Rachel unfroze and stepped off the tarp.
"Hey, Percy." She grinned. "Good timing! Let's get some coffee."
We walked down to a place called the Java Moose on West 43rd.
"Their cups better be big enough to worthy that name," Thalia said weirdly serious. "One should not take the name of a moose in vain with puny coffee cups."
"Note to self, Thalia is weirdly serious about her coffee and meese," Percy chuckled.
"Moose, Percy, the plural of a moose is still moose," Magnus sighed, while Thalia rolled her eyes and scoffed, "please, like you'll remember that in five minutes."
Rachel ordered an Espresso Extreme, the kind of stuff Grover would like.
"Girl got addiction issues," Will sighed in commiseration.
"The first step is admitting it," Nico shrugged.
Will looked vaguely offended, like Nico was threatening to take away his Expresso Extreme. Nico decided he would have to fix that idea right out of Will's mind by making sure there was one next to his bed when he went to sleep tonight.
Annabeth and I got fruit smoothies and we sat at a table right under the stuffed moose.
"Why?" Jason asked with the intense kind of interest they'd learned to associate with him picking up on something personal, and indeed, his hand was already tracing his tattoo.
"Caffeine makes ADHD kids chill, more relaxed, it has the opposite effect on us," Percy shrugged. "We did not want to go back into those tunnels sleepy."
"Huh, thanks," Jason nodded as he smacked his lips together in thought. Did he know that? Why did he have a feeling that related back to him. It wouldn't surprise him in the slightest if he was ADHD, he got along with Percy and Thalia on that distracted quality a little to well.
Nobody even looked twice at Rachel in her golden outfit.
"Oh please, that went without saying," Thalia rolled her eyes. "New Yorkers walk past people ten times stranger in the last hour. Don't baby us on your city Percy."
"Okay, okay," Percy raised his hands in surrender. He really couldn't wait to give them all a personal tour...but then his brain tried to fry him for a moment as he struggled to remember if he and Thalia had ever been in the city before together for any reason...
"So," she said, "it's Annabell, right?"
"Missing Mr. D slightly less yet?" Will grinned.
"No," Percy said flatly. It had been extremely nice to walk around camp and not worry about what that old jerk was going to say to him to ruin his day the short time he'd been there.
"Annabeth," Annabeth corrected. "Do you always dress in gold?"
"Not usually," Rachel said. "We're raising money for our group. We do volunteer art projects for elementary kids 'cause they're cutting art from the schools, you know? We do this once a month, take in about five hundred dollars on a good weekend. But I'm guessing you don't want to talk about that. You're a half-blood, too?"
"Shhh!" Annabeth said, looking around. "Just announce it to the world, how about?"
"And don't get us started on the conversations you probably over hear," Thalia looked a tad bemused at her panicking over this when Thalia had once summoned a lightning strike on a clear day and the mortals had scattered in fear without looking back. Two weeks later, Luke had been chased by a giant leaf monster he'd finally managed to escape by jumping through oncoming traffic. A car had blown right through the beast, scattering orange, gold, and green leaves everywhere. A semi had come right up next and crushed the trophy of the medallion that had been left in the center.
Not a single car had hit the brakes as Luke made it to the other side.
"Okay." Rachel stood up and said really loud, "Hey, everybody! These two aren't human! They're half Greek god!"
"She says that like being Greek isn't a real person," Will chuckled.
"Well we don't eat briam on a regular basis, so there's some kind of distinction," Nico rolled his eyes. He hoped the Camp did do a few non-American dishes from time to time, he enjoyed his tastes of the world.
Nobody even looked over. Rachel shrugged and sat down. "They don't seem to care."
"That's not funny," Annabeth said. "This isn't a joke, mortal girl."
"Hold it, you two," I said. "Just calm down."
"I'm calm," Rachel insisted. "Every time I'm around you, some monster attacks us. What's to be nervous about?"
"That's, entirely fair actually," Magnus said sheepishly for his own jealousy.
Alex made a pssh noise. "Percy loses his cool all the time and we're plenty calm, she just needs a little bit more practice."
"Oh yeah, we're cool as ice about all this," Nico rolled his eyes while Percy tried not to look to stung over how right they were.
"Look," I said. "I'm really sorry about the band room. I hope they didn't kick you out or anything."
"Nah. They asked me a lot of questions about you. I played dumb."
"Was it hard?" Annabeth asked.
"Dam!" Alex laughed like a punch had forced it out of him. "Did Annabeth fail a personality test while you were gone?"
Percy looked ready to eat his straw before he answered.
"Okay, stop!" I intervened. "Rachel, we've got a problem. And we need your help."
Rachel narrowed her eyes at Annabeth. "You need my help?"
Annabeth stirred her straw in her smoothie. "Yeah," she said suddenly. "Maybe."
"And that's as close to a win as you're going to get," Jason said with confidence.
"I took it," Percy promised.
I told Rachel about the Labyrinth, and how we needed to find Daedalus. I told her what had happened the last few times we'd gone in.
"So you want me to guide you," she said. "Through a place I've never been."
"Well when she puts it that way it sounds ridiculous," Percy sighed.
"How did you phrase it?" Thalia snorted.
Percy considered for a moment before repeating, "you can see through the mist and guide us through a path we'd be fooled by."
"Yeah, I guess that does sound better," Thalia conceded.
"Rachel's still right for calling you out and you know it though," Jason smirked.
"Yeah," Percy sighed.
"You can see through the Mist," I said. "Just like Ariadne. I'm betting you can see the right path. The Labyrinth won't be able to fool you as easily."
"As easily?" Magnus sighed. "As in she still might be?"
"I can sometimes see through the mist and I get tricked," Percy shrugged, "I wasn't betting on this all the way."
"And if you're wrong?"
"Then we'll get lost. Either way, it'll be dangerous. Very, very dangerous."
"Sell her on this a bit more Percy, I think you almost got her hooked," Nico said like a weirdly good used car salesman. "You haven't even mentioned the monsters and Luke's army running around and the moo mobile you might find again."
"That's part of the premium package, it costs extra," Percy tried to convince himself. It did not work.
"I could die?"
"Yeah."
"It's nice though, that you're not sugarcoating it," Nico said much more seriously this time. Percy nodded in agreement as the two shared a rare smile.
"I thought you said monsters don't care about mortals. That sword of yours—"
"Yeah," I said. "Celestial bronze doesn't hurt mortals. Most monsters would ignore you. But Luke...he doesn't care. He'll use mortals, demigods, monsters, whatever. And he'll kill anyone who gets in his way."
"Nice guy," Rachel said.
"He's under the influence of a Titan," Annabeth said defensively. "He's been deceived."
"Is that what she tells herself every night?" Jason wouldn't have dared say the disparaging comment if she'd been here, but she wasn't, and Thalia flinched at her dismissing his part in this like Luke hadn't thrown himself into this and then bullied, threatened, and manipulated the two of them to join ever since.
Percy shivered at the uncomfortable silence and scent of electricity in the air. He had a feeling Annabeth and Thalia hadn't talked much about Luke...he had an even worse feeling about what might happen if they ever did.
"Cut her some slack, that's her hero," Magnus sighed. It sounded like Luke had been there for more of her life than anyone. Her own dad, Thalia even, maybe only Chiron rivaled.
"And we all know by now you should never meet your heroes, let alone blindly follow them," Nico said not unkindly. He was still dealing with the fallout of confronting his own and it did not feel great. He was once again the most surprised of anyone to find himself relating to Annabeth of all people and swiftly waved Will on from a conversation that wasn't headed anywhere pleasant as Thalia narrowed her eyes at Magnus.
Rachel looked back and forth between us. "Okay," she said. "I'm in."
"Hope this girl never gets a job as a lawyer," Percy laughed to break the awkward silence. "She folded like a house of cards."
"One uses up all their dedication for their passion projects and becomes a lot more carefree in the rest of their life for it," Alex said from experience. If Rachel was anything like her, it seemed they'd get along great.
I blinked. I hadn't figured it would be so easy. "Are you sure?"
"Hey, my summer was going to be boring. This is the best offer I've gotten yet.
"What were the other offers?" Magnus asked in mild concern. "Trip to the zoo? Jet skiing not entertaining enough anymore? Roller coaster on a skyscraper? Is she an adrenaline junkie?"
"Possibly?" Percy looked just as concerned, but a lot more grateful, enough he wasn't going to question this to hard.
 So what do I look for?"
"We have to find an entrance to the Labyrinth," Annabeth said. "There's an entrance at Camp Half-Blood, but you can't go there. It's off-limits to mortals."
She said mortals like it was some sort of terrible condition, but Rachel just nodded.
Percy felt quite a large bit of hurt Annabeth was treating her this way. She'd been as kind and polite to his mother as ever, loving even. Annabeth surely didn't secretly loath his mom, so he knew this was just a problem she was having with Rachel, not all mortals. He just couldn't figure out what that problem really was, and why she was choosing now to act like this when they had such a huge quest ahead.
"Okay. What does an entrance to the Labyrinth look like?"
"It could be anything," Annabeth said. "A section of wall. A boulder. A doorway. A sewer entrance. But it would have the mark of Daedalus on it. A Greek , glowing in blue."
"Like this?" Rachel drew the symbol Delta in water on our table.
"That's it," Annabeth said. "You know Greek?"
"No," Rachel said. She pulled a big blue plastic hairbrush from her pocket and started brushing the gold out of her hair.
Percy vividly remembered the movement of each rough tug she gave to her hair, watching the gold flakes flutter around her in the bright sun, the blue handle of her brush held in a strangle hold as she violently began yanking it through her thick red locks of hair without breaking conversation.
He felt like giving himself a mental slap as she'd pocketed it without getting even half the gold out. He wanted to blame his ADHD for lingering on such a random detail, but couldn't quite convince himself that's what it was.
"Let me get changed. You'd better come with me to the Marriott."
"Why?" Annabeth said.
"Because there's an entrance like that in the hotel basement, where we store our costumes. It's got the mark of Daedalus."
"Of course it does," Magnus sighed. "Is the Marriott haunted?"
"It's not on any watch list I know of," Nico shrugged like that was a casual thing to keep track of.
Jason kept the comment to himself he hoped things would go better down there now they had a guide as Will began chatting happily with Nico about that list and where he'd traveled, to distracted to hand the book over. Jason took it and went back to his seat, but didn't quite make it as the next chapter caught his eye and he froze in horror.
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