#stranger things alignment chart

[cringengl]

[whereintheworldisspencerreid]

will is all three tbh

[womp-womp-chomp-chomp]

You’re honor it’s the truth.

[hitchell-mope]

Would they play dnd with The Party?

Jane would. Mike likes playing dnd. Jane loves Mike. Ergo Jane would play dnd with Mike. And Mike would get a kick out of teaching her how to play.

I think Suzie would like to play dnd. But only if she can get over the alleged satanism. Once she does she’d probably get into the creativity of it all.

Max wouldn’t. She doesn’t see the point in it. Not even if Lucas begged her. The only fantasy she touches is the Arnold Schwarzenegger Hercules movies.

Jonathan would if Will asked him. Nancy used to, she taught the others, but not anymore. But if she did then she’d be ruthless.

Steve and Robin wouldn’t. Steve thinks it’s complete and utter gibberish. Robins already in band. She doesn’t the final nail in the coffin as it were.

Joyce and Jim would try. Their kids play it so they’d give it the good old college try at least. Joyce would be better at it though. Jim would probably end up enraged.

[your-local-bi-guy]

enjoy this meme i made

[qulizalfos]

okay hear me out

[fake-80s-yaoi]

didn’t feel like finding pictures. n e way i edited the therapy alignment chart

[paradoxicalrising]

More Astrology Observations :D

(reminder i’m not a professional and i do not do birth chart readings)

- Mars in Leo: congratulations! u win first place for “the most horny mars placement” i’ve met too many mars in leo people that literally just wanna smash, they didn’t care about the emotional undercurrents of being intimate, they just wanted that physical reassurance.

- cancer moon men literally want to be in a relationship with their mom. very oedipus coded. not in any obvious or actual way but like they look for people who have traits of their own mother. even if they don’t look up to her or necessarily like her, they will get romantically involved only if the person reminds them of their mom.

- jupiter and sun positively aspecting each other in synastry is the type of synergy where anything the jupiter person does, the sun person will laugh. they think the sun shines out of the jupiter persons ass fr. very much a laughable, jovial, light hearted placement to have with someone.

- aries moon: every aries moon i’ve met has been shy at first. like they have that notable firecracker, passionate aries energy but it’s definitely hidden at first. when they meet new people especially they are like completely quiet kinda just observing the other persons energy. i’ve also noticed aries moons have a specific hobby or thing they like focusing their energy on which is kinda like an emotional release.

- fire moon: people with their moon in the fire element need a physical release for their emotions in general. it could be doing research, crafting, working out, or playing music. whatever it is, it helps the fire moon person put that emotional energy into a physical form so they feel like it has a rightful place and it’s kinda like validation for experiencing that emotion.

- air moon: now air moons have been the ones to be the most extroverted in my opinion. maybe not full extrovert but it’s like it comes over them when they’re in a social setting with someone who is more shy than them so they have this obligation to help the other person socialize and talk. it’s very sweet. also special note, gemini moon will never not talk to a stranger so no matter what other placements are influencing them, they will always be extrovert or ambivert because that hunger to know more will not allow them to shut up.

- moon in the first house: please start studying the moon cycle, its phases and what they mean because you are quite literally already being influenced by the moon bc everyone is like 70% water bUT! in your case specifically, big events in your life are likely to align with the cycles of the moon since it’s in an angular house ruling over your physical body and presence.

- pisces moon: and their substance abuse struggles. i get it fr but like maybe slow downnnnnnn and try to take breaks every now and again. especially when it’s liquid, namely alcohol. i’ve met too many pisces moons that are like “it opens me up” or “it takes away the shyness” like yes but also maybe you just need to work on grounding yourself in reality more, let yourself feel your emotions, grow some self awareness. and maybe spend some time in a body of water like the ocean, a lake, even a pool or bath. you don’t need external substances to tell you who you are or to postpone the pain of feeling your emotions. i’ve found a lot of pisces moon people that grew up in families that conditioned them to push away their feelings, being strong for others, and basically playing a part instead of being themselves. you are allowed to be yourself and to express who you are !!!!!! don’t let your family keep you down

-venus in virgo: knowing exactly what you want and denying people bc they don’t fit the idea in your head. i can talk all day about the pisces/ virgo axis being in venus. virgo is a little unrealistic like a pisces bc they want their partner to be the perfect match whereas pisces needs to be more realistic bc their partner needs a job, a car, and maybe should move out of their parents house. sometimes i think virgo venus people are lucky if they finally work through their perfectionism, their relationships are truly admirable bc they are devoted partners and they find some of the most doting and service oriented lovers. but it’s especially difficult if ur gen z bc u likely have venus square pluto showing that the person goes through drastic transformation either through heartbreak or through a healthy relationship contradicting the way they were shown affection and love by others in childhood.

- venus square pluto: try to work through those control issues and attachment issues in order to find the love you desire. and be open to change, love will change you one way or the other.

[causticflower]

A Ship Template!  

a shipping template (a fancy + a simplified/more readable version) that I made for fun

so here! have fun too :3

originally inspired by @awfulalignmentcharts and [their ship chart]; I borrowed the general layout and some of the wording, otherwise the graphics & rest of the words is me ^^

more + explanations down under vvv

> a general note: you can fill this thing out any way you want; you can write the answers, draw them, you also don't have to fill out everything, and you can even delete/replace stuff you don't like (it's not like I'd be able to stop you lol) ((also the title, you can edit the [--] or the whole thing too))

> you don't need to tag me or reblog the post if you fill it out

> if anyone wants a different combination of the graphical parts or different font or something else let me know, I'll see what I can do <3 

= Explanations =

(I explained everything just to be sure, feel free to skip parts)

Top part – Introductions:

the big squares → you can put their faces or profiles or whatever of theirs there

the small square (“describe their vibes”) → what their dynamic is like, what vibes do they give off when next to each other etc; for example, are they a cat-person & dog-person kind of duo, or it's a scary dog privilege kind of situation, or do they look like enemies, etc

ship name → their ship name, or their ship names if they have multiple

age+difference → what are their ages + how big their age gap is

height+difference → what are their heights + how much is one taller/shorter than the other 

fandom(s) -> what fandom are they from, or fandoms if it's a crossover ship

name → their name, full or nickname or other

gender → their gender

sexuality → their sexuality; you can specify if it's a romantic, sexual, both/neither type of attraction 

alignment (of your choice) → what the character’s alignment/personality is, up to you if you want to use the classic DnD alignment chart (good/neutral/evil x lawful/neutral/chaotic) or if you want to use whatever else (like add in bastard/fish/pirate etc)

Left Column (the many sliders): 

big spoon <--> little spoon = when sleeping or cuddling; who is the one hugging <--> the one being hugged

actually functions <--> messy mental wreck = how well they are doing mentally; are they mentally well adjusted/stable <--> are they a mess/have mental issues

ball of stress <--> YOLO = what their general attitude to life is; are they stressed/worried about things constantly <--> are they carefree/careless/going with the flow

hermit <--> social bee = how social they are; not social at all <--> very social

scaredy-cat <--> fears no god = are they afraid of everything <--> do they fear nothing

bleeding heart <--> then perish. = how sympathetic they are; almost too sympathetic <--> don't care at all

incompetently competent <--> competently incompetent = basically: their attitude x their actual skill (with the middle being “normal”); look clumsy/careless but are very competent <--> look competent/confident but are actually useless

the world is ending (I fell in love) <--> blushing giggling kicking feet = what their reaction is when they realize they have a crush/fell in love; is very upset/miserable about it/hates it <--> very happy/giddy about it

allergic to PDA <--> sickeningly affectionate = how they act in general situations/around others; acting like they're strangers <--> constantly holding hands/kissing/complimenting each other

wants to get matching things <--> would rather die than change their style = they want to get something (very visible) to signify they are a couple <--> they like their style and won't change it no matter what

cuddles<3 <--> the table is broken again = the horniness meter; they have little to no sex (or it’s an ace/qpr ship) <--> they have sex as often as physically possible

has zero game <--> has insane game = how attractive they are to other people; cannot get a date no matter what <--> everyone wants to date them no matter what they do

crime doer <--> crime stopper = how likely they are to engage in 'bad' activities (either actual crime or just being a nuisance/prankster to their friends); constantly doing something nefarious <--> is actually more likely to stop crime/pranks from happening

watcher <--> meddler = are they more passive in conversations/situations <--> do they have to take part in everything

doomed by the narrative <--> blessed by the narrative = how much has the universe fucked them over (in canon or fanon); their life is/was pretty miserable <--> they are/were doing very well

Questions pt.1 

what brings them together? → what do they have in common / what might have brought (and kept) them together in the first place

what keeps/kept them apart? → what is/was preventing them from getting together (themselves, outside forces, etc)

Right Column:

Questions pt.2 

(badly) describe their meetcute → describe how they met, you can make it funny if you want

what are their fandom tropes/their ship appeal → what are their most common fan depictions (whether they are canon or not), or what about their ship dynamic is appealing to you/everyone

Questions pt.3

who fell first? → which one of them was the first to fall in love with the other

who first Realized (they're in love)? → which one of them had The Realization happen first, when they actually realized they are in love with the other person (basically the Oh. Oh. moment)

who confessed first? → who was the first to confess their love

who cleans up more messes? → who takes care of the mess they make/the trouble they get into more often

who is the first to apologize (after a fight)? → who apologizes first if they had a fight (where both of them might’ve been at fault)

who steals the bed covers? → who ((un)consciously) takes all the pillows/blankets/etc during the night/when they're sleeping together

who's the headrest? → example: A likes to rest their head/chin on B's head/shoulders/chest/etc, so B’s the headrest

who's the chef? (what they cooking?) → which one of them makes their food (and what the food is)

who takes charge of home decor? → which one of them is more likely to set up/design their home (pick the house, furniture, decor, etc)

who's the 3AM texter? → who's more likely to text the other in the middle of the night (for whatever reason)

who randomly brings home a new pet? → who's more likely to adopt random animals as pets / bring animals home to help them / etc

who's more likely to just straight up trip and die? → who is more clumsy/accident prone

“The Touchzone”

no touch <--> yes touch = in general circumstances, how do they feel about others touching them

the figures → you can draw on them or replace them with the characters, then you can color/otherwise indicate where and how they feel about touch on their body (either from their partner or in general, up to you)

you're dead → “I despise this”

do not → “I don't like this / I hate this”

not really → “I'd prefer no touch but it’s tolerable”

…eh… → “I have no strong feelings about this”

mayhaps → “I don't mind this, actually maybe even like it”

yes please → “I like this a lot”

YESss moreE → “I love/adore this”

note for the uncolored version of this: you can put your own colors/symbols/etc in the -[   ]- square next to the words

…and that's it, let me know if you have any more questions <3

[guxciestone]

✧ CELEBRITY BIRTH CHART ANALYSIS ✧

— drake.

i’m very interested to look into drake’s natal chart because he has very unique placements. he’s a venus retrograde native like me! i hope you are having an amazing day and enjoy 🤍😊

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✨🦉 Aubrey Drake Graham was born on October 24, 1986 in Toronto, Canada. Drake is one of the most popular rappers of this generation known for his melodic/rhythmic sound and soft image. Drake started off his legacy and gained recognition from his acting career as Jimmy Brooks in ‘Degrassi: The Next Generation’. After his acting efforts, he started his career in rapping and music. He easily gained recognition and popularity after his debut album ‘Thank Me Later’ which published in June 2010. A list of a few of Drake’s popular songs are: Hotline Bling (2016), God’s Plan (2018), and Marvin’s Room (2011) Additionally, Drake also gained recognition for his meme-able character.

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he identifies as:

࿐ a scorpio sun, cancer moon, & leo rising.

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ㅤㅤ— his personality.❞

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Water Grand Trine indicates that Drake has a talent in expressing his emotions and relating to others, especially through creative pursuits such as writing, poetry, and music since his trine are in air houses. He is deeply empathetic, sensitive, and mostly isn't afraid to do so. Drake has a reputation of being a guy who is in touch with feminine side, and he owns it with no apologies. You can definitely see his comfortability with his sensitive side with his Moon in Cancer.

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Sun conjunct Pluto shows that Drake is an intense, powerful, and introspective guy who often undergos tons of transformations in his life, especially when it comes to his values, thoughts, and opinions on things with his aspect in the 3rd house. These are the types of people who go through different personas and different periods. I bet if you looked back at one of drake's older photos, you could easily identify what type of era he was going through in his life. One thing I can say is that he is a man who is willing to change and learn for the better. On the other hand, this does show someone could have control issues and have an intense obsession with power. On the darker side, if this person has power, they have the potential to use it for the worse just to establish respect for others and satisfy their ego. I definitely do think his obsessive need for power shows in Mars square Pluto, especially when it comes to routine and how he wants things to be. He might like things to go his way and only his way, and would do anything it takes for it be so (Pluto in Scorpio), even in unconventional ways with his Mars in Aquarius. I'm not saying that this is true, but there are rumors that Drake orders hitman on several artists in the past. I think it's fascinating how this aspect aligns with that allegation.

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Mercury square Ascendant shows that Drake struggles with communication and expressing his thoughts and opinions with associates and strangers during conversations. It is possible that Drake is an awkward person who he struggles with socializing a bit. On the other hand, he might just struggle with gettin his point across and could be easily misunderstood. Since his Mercury is in Scorpio and his Ascendant in Leo, it is possible that since Drake is a deep thinker and isn't uncomfortable expressing his intense feelings, people can almost be put off with how sudden his words are. This comes into conflict with his confident and bright disposition.

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Saturn square Ascendant can indicate that Drake struggles to express his natural personality around strangers and associates. With Saturn in the 4th house, Drake could've had a childhood that dealt with some type of restrictions, scarcity, or extreme responsibilities. Perhaps there was a strained relationship with the parents, financial hardship, or anything else. This could've caused Drake to develop a inherited shell in which he hides himself from others within the fear of being judged or criticized. He might be seen as too serious to individuals around him.

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Mercury conjunct Venus shows Drake's incredible talent in music, singing, and songwriting. He is also a beautiful communicator with his Venus in the 3rd house. In tons of interviews, Drake talks as though he is speaking poetry. He truly knows how to use his words. Not to mention, he is a good songwriter.

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Neptune trine Ascendant that Drake has the ability to shapeshift and become any type of character he wants to be. It is almost as though anyone can project their own fantasies and thoughts onto him and he'll become just that. Not to mention, Drake is undeniably talented in many areas considering that his Neptune is in 5th house. He's very versatile and has a performer quality with his Ascendant as Leo.

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ㅤㅤ— his relationships.❞

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With Moon trine Jupiter, Drake is a man with a huge and generous heart. He loves receiving love, and spreading love. People love to make jokes about how Drake is such a nice guy because he is from Canada. Astrologically, this aspects shows that. At one of his older concerts, he instructed everyone in the audience to give a person, even if they were a stranger, a hug. If that isn't Moon trine Jupiter activities, I don't know what is. With his Moon in the 11th and Jupiter in the 7th, Drake is abundant of any relationships and social connections. He could be very extroverted and has tons of friends and relations with people making him popular. He could also have a fruitful love life too and be very charming, especially with his Venus trine Jupiter. He is very popular with the opposite gender especially, and knows how to pursue them. However, due to these individuals being used to getting what they want in regards to love, pleasure, and materials, they could believe they could get literally anything they desire with no efforts or realism. Drake could struggle with believing that he cannot in fact have anyone he wants. At some point he could've lacked realism in his love life. These people tend to be extremely humorous too. Drake is a figure in the pop culture that is easily meme-ified nowadays.

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Moon trine Pluto shows that Drake is also an intense person when it comes to his inner world. He feels very deeply, especially towards his loved ones and friends since Moon is in the 11th house. He is probably the type have many associates but a close-knit group of friends that he calls family. It must be hard to get into his circle because he values his privacy and exclusivity so much.

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Moon opposition Neptune that although Drake is a compassionate, selfless, and charitable guy when it comes to his loved ones. He is also capable of being taken advantage of, or he is someone who takes advantage of others. He might be susceptible to projecting onto others or struggle to make sense of the people around him and his environment. Perhaps he has an issue with understand who is and isn’t his friends, which can cause him be surrounded by around a lot of fake people with Moon in the 11th house. It is best advised for him to make sense of it and keep his circle small as mentioned above.

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Venus Retrograde shows that Drake is a guy who feels love differently than others. He feels it deeply and in his own unique way. Consider the fact that this retrograde only takes about 8% of the population—a pretty rare placement. Drake, generally, has a bunch of karmic lessons surrounding love, material things, and self-love in this life. He has to deal with karmic relationships and scenarios in order to improve his views on love and the idea of it in general. With his retrograde being in Scorpio in the 3rd house, Drake could be someone who struggles with possessiveness and clinginess. He could even be someone who is flaky, flighty, and might have an issue with committing. It’s his lesson to learn how to truly connect with others on a deeper level and get to know people genuinely without leaving at every new interest. According to Drake in one of his interviews when people said that he cannot be single forever, " I love my space and my routine. For me to break that it would have to be a really special person." This quote is the epitome of a venus retrograde individual. 

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Jupiter square Chiron shows that Drake has life lessons that will change his views and beliefs, particularly in this relationships since Jupiter in the 7th house. His career and his image will be the reason as to why. Chiron in Gemini in the 10th house shows that Drake will experience wounds and traumas surrounding being heard in the public eye. Again, he may have to deal with being misunderstood by the people, which can cause the wound of feeling as though he can't express his thoughts and say what he wants to say. This causes Drake to have a different view on relationships and connections in general.

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ㅤㅤ— his legacy/image.❞

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Sun sextile Midheaven shows that Drake is a pioneer in his area of occupation—Music and the arts. It is almost as though the talent of songs, writing, versatility, and creativity comes natural to him, especially since his Sun is in the 3rd house. Additionally, he receives tons of attention, fame, and popularity. He is also highly respected in his industry due to his glamorous persona.

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Sun trine Chiron indicates that Drake is a confident, determined, and highly motivated man. Most importantly, he is incredibly versatile and talented with his Sun in the 3rd house. He used these traits to help himself gain respect in his industry especially with Chiron in the 10th house. This is allowing him to finally be heard and understood like he always wanted with his Chiron in Gemini. Mercury opposition Midheaven also shows how Drake has to deal with struggling with expressing his thoughts and opinions correctly to the public; hence, being misunderstood or not expressing himself at all.

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Venus opposition Midheaven shows that Drake finds his true pleasures in his private life. His personal life is where he truly finds satisfaction. With Venus in the 4th house, Drake definitely his pleasures in his home life, family, and security. He must also find pleasure in his privacy and people not knowing much about him and his life circumstances with his Venus in Scorpio. He prefers to invest in the luxuries of life with his loved ones when no one is watching.

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With his Leo Ascendant at the 29°, the 29° is the degree of maturity or near completion. With Drake, he probably at a point where has achieved ultimate full growth in how he perceived life, how he responds to his environment, and how he presents himself. In the past, he might have struggled with an ego or selfishness. Now, he is at the level where he is truly self-confident and secure in himself and he owns who he is with no apologies.

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🦉

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[cringengl]

[northopalshore]

Hello!! I wanted to know your thoughts on my 6th house stellium (libra moon, scorpio sun, scorpio mercury), plus my scorpio venus in 7th house (I always see people describing 7th house venus as long-term relationships but I wanted to hear your opinion, I really really love how detailed you are!!!)

I'm sorry for the long question, and thanks a lot! I hope you have an amazing day❤️

♀ Hello!

Ooh having a 6th house Stellium & a Stellium in Scorpio is like a double whammy placement lmao. I'm very flattered that you'd like my opinion.

Natal 6th house Stellium:

So, I know you are not a stranger to your placements because of Mercury being here (and in Scorpio for that matter). Your sun and mercury both being in the 6th house & in Scorpio it gives me the image of a very grounded, somewhat professional individual. You take your work and your responsibility, as well as your relationship very seriously.

Because of that, everything that you do becomes an extension of yourself. You are very careful with what you choose to indulge in as it can alter your whole life. Nothing you do or think of is going to be surface level or "shallow". When you are interested in something, you go all in letting your sleeves get wet right up to your shoulders when going into the water to reach something. You tend to be a very obsessive thinker as well.

With the moon being in Libra, you are very analytical, inquisitive, intuitive and have very good judgement. It can be quite difficult to hide things from you (as long as Neptune isn't residing in the 8th house). It's not likely to see you doing things on a whim without having some sort of idea or plan of what you're dealing with.

All of the 6th house Stelliums I know personally are quite diverse. With some having Pluto, Uranus and even Neptune in it. Those charts are what I'd call the "special cases". The effects of both the prim and proper 6th house ethics tend to be pushed to the side with them (constant solitude, disorganized routine and unhealthy lifestyle). However, yours aligns more with the "traditional" descriptions of a 6th house Stellium.

Venus in the 7th house in Scorpio:

Your partnerships, and close relationships mean the world to you. You would do anything for them, and most of them would do the same for you. You aren't the type to go for flirty one nightstands (at least not with these placements).

Venus is Scorpio gives you a very stable, deep seated love with your partner. They are someone who shares the same values as you do when it comes to love and loyalty. However, Venus is detriment in Scorpio which isn't particularly the worst thing ever. It just means that there may be themes of obsession, possessiveness, and jealousy running in your relationship. They are very protective (and very attractive too since if you look at it through derivative astrology, Venus would be in the 1st house!)

Very charming, loyal but can be somewhat of an intense character as well.

₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑

Hope this helps! I think I may have gone off topic here & there while explaining lmao

[audehtz]

Primary sources

Hi :) Today I will clarify my primary sources because the one I gave you last week weren't focusing on the reception of the songs.

quick reminder of my topic:

How does the use of iconic 80s songs in Stranger Things such as “Running Up That Hill” and “Should I Stay or Should I Go” enhance the series’ nostalgic appeal for audiences familiar with the era, and how might this reliance on 80s nostalgia limit the show's impact on future generations who are less familiar with these songs?

So, for my primary sources, I will:

Analyse the viewer reactions: on social media platforms like TikTok, Twitter, and Reddit. I'll look for discussions and emotional responses to how these songs are used in the show. This includes comments, video reactions, and memes that discuss the impact these songs have on viewers, especially in relation to 80s nostalgia.

I will also analyse the streaming data: the streaming performance of the songs before and after their use in Stranger Things. For example, the chart rankings on platforms like Spotify to see if their popularity increased following the show's release.

I will also use 2 interviews: the one of Nora Felder (Music Supervisor) who shared how the team, led by the Duffer Brothers, chose "Running Up That Hill" for Max’s storyline. She explained that the song's emotional depth was a perfect fit for Max's struggles and isolation, aligning with the character’s emotional journey and themes of connection and support. She also discussed the effort involved in securing the rights from Kate Bush, who had to approve the song's use. So I'll also have to look at Kate Bush’s Reaction; after the song’s resurgence, she expressed her excitement over the renewed interest from a younger generation, which had never heard the song before. She praised the show for its thoughtful integration of the track, which helped deepen the emotional impact for both old and new fans.

To end up, I will take a look at Fan-Made Content: fan videos, covers, or remixes of these songs inspired by Stranger Things. This content could reflect how the songs' meaning and emotional resonance were amplified by the show.

I’d be glad to receive any idea or advice from you!

Good luck with your topics ^^

[hitchell-mope]

(Babysitter alignment chart. Stranger things edition)

Actual parent: Jim. Joyce

Sleeps the whole time: Robin

Babysitter supreme: Jonathan. Nancy. Argyle.

May as well have sold the kid to the devil: Brenner. Hargrove.

Says they don’t care but secretly keeps watch: Steve

The child: Mike. Jane. Lucas. Max. Will. Dustin

[watchtheblog]

Cutting Slack

hello to the hierarchy of my besties: irl besties, internet besties, fantasy besties; the hierarchy of my haters: just the three of you, followed by someone who goes by the alias k.s on google reviews; an ever dwindling number of exes who can read, a handful of people i’m just getting to know who are about to know me too well too fast, and anyone else who has stumbled upon this highly specific page on the internet!!

if you’ve been here before, you know the deal. i’m going to weave a web of little jokes into a somewhat coherent story and then as a reward for knowing me you get the opportunity to see 20 things i hope to receive for my birthday, which, i hope you know… is tomorrow (26 september); i’m turning 94.

The joke web:

In february 2023 after the company I co-created sold to one of the corniest companies on the planet, I quit because they wanted me to set forth eight hours a day I would be available to do work. Seven years into a job I’d put 8 hours a year into, this was a startling task.

Also, they wanted me to become a member of slack, or get on slack, or write to them in slack. Or do something, whatever one does, on slack. You can do a lot of things to me, but what you’re not gonna do is make me go on slack. Many have tried in the past and not a one has ever succeeded.

Not to sound like Mark Cuban - or myself in [redacted] years -  but an 8 hour workday was not for me. And I explained this. I told a woman alleging to be my supervisor that every morning I woke up, I did cult for 20 minutes, wrote in my journal for 45 minutes, went for a 1 hour walk, came home, showered, drank a little poison, read for one hour in my garden, did some dilly dallying on the internet, and then I went to an appointment*, and by the time I was done with all of that it was already 4pm and that’s wind down time in my culture. 

Where did she want me to find 8 hours?!

(*i realize appointment time is not a thing (everyone can understand) but I’m gonna have to save it for another post. appointment time is sacred in a directionless little bug’s life and it deserves to be explained properly.)

If you think I’m joking that I laid out this schedule to a woman who was born inside a human resources complaint folder and whose dearly departed soul resides within a ludicrously capacious bag somewhere, I beg you to get to know me better.

Fundamentally, she did not understand and spiritually I was not the messenger to enlighten her, so I decided to quit.

I am impulsive by nature but this decision was incredibly thought out. I wrote down a list of pros and cons and I titled the cons list “things I’m not aligned with” and I listed 11 things.

“I dont want to be managed!!!!!!” (this is a literal copy and paste) topped the chart.

To follow? “Corporate weirdness”, and, simply: “Slack”.

On the pros list I wrote: “Freedom”, “I will finally be free”. (LOL!) Underneath it, it says “Take a fucking risk.”

I sat with these lists for approximately three minutes, and then I wrote an email announcing my resignation. And then I quite literally never spoke to anyone there ever again.

This all leads me to one short pivot before we’ll arrive at our final destination of my birthday list. 

When I mentioned earlier that I am impulsive by nature, I mean that I quit my job because someone said there was a question posed to me in Slack and I needed to answer it came to Ohio to visit my dad’s (RIP) childhood home and my (then) girlfriend convinced me to call the number on a commercial real estate building and within 45 days I’d signed a lease and 90 days later I had packed, driven, and moved my entire life across the country. 

When I moved here, I knew no one so I did a lot of things you may think only people who are on reality dating shows do, like: go to an espresso martini making class, cook marshmallows over an open fire in a state park at night with strangers, slide down a snowy hill on a plastic saucer as an activity, or attend a local rat’s birthday party.*

*disclaimer for anyone here who doesn’t GET me bc I’m scared to be misunderstood: i loved all of these things I’m not mocking them; I’m simply holding a light to the absurdity of my *on the spectrum, agoraphobic weirdo* ass doing these things in earnest because i needed to not kms. ◡̈  kms stands for k*ll myself.*

(Of course all of these things on a reality dating show would involve two people, whereas in my case I did all of those things alone.)

As a treat for my efforts to be a member of society, the universe provided me with the unique gift of meeting the anthropomorphic version of my intrusive thoughts!! 

We’ll call her Gloria (for no reason) and in our first phone conversation she had called everyone in the state of ohio “fat, lazy and bipolar” and told me my business would fail.

One minute after we hung up, she texted asking if I wanted to sauna with her right now. Now mind you, I’ve been doing shit “for the lore” since before it was called “lore” and men were just telling me I was insane (simpler times!!) so I grabbed a bikini and drove 9 minutes ready to go in a sauna with a random lady I’d never met.

And go in a sauna with a random lady I did... fully clothed for a reason that both confused and relieved me. In that sauna, Gloria repeated the aforementioned phone topics and added a pointed “nobody wants to work out; you will fail” while staring at me in a box heated to 130 degrees.

“It’s okay. Everything is always working out for me” I told her as she persisted in her negativity, because I lacked the ability to just tell her to shut the fuck up (and also because that is true). 

I considered the possibility of her behavior coming from a good intentioned place, like when cars driving the opposite direction flash their lights to let you know they just passed a cop (as if that ever hits). I considered it was an act of humanity, one unstable woman to another; trying to save me from the hell she thought was inevitable given her own - self proclaimed - “failure”. (she had opened and closed a studio of her own.)

So I let her keep flashing her dumb lights at me, showing up to my studio uninvited in the middle of my buildout telling me I should see if my landlord would let me out of my lease, texting me little foreboding horror stories about the perils of being in the fitness industry, sending me local businesses that were closing as if to say “i told you so; i’m warning you.”

“You’ll see” she said multiple times, as if to predict my ultimate demise in a way I’d be able to reflect on in the future, remembering she’d warned me. 

In those moments and in the months of desperation and grind leading up to the opening of my business I had no other choice but to move forward blindly, confidently. Long before I met this psychopath I had prepared for the possibility of failure. Unlike this woman, however, that preparation involved the potential of having to say “I failed… now what?” rather than “I failed. I’m the rule, not the exception. The journey is impossible.”

It’s been almost two years since I left the career I thought would define me, and while I certainly haven’t failed, I’m not writing this from the other side. I’m writing this from the beginning of a long journey I’m prepared and excited to be on that began the day I decided to take a fucking risk.

Two years ago I couldn’t find 8 hours a day to work and now somehow I’ve found 14-18…

and not a single one of them has been spent on slack. 

The Gift Portion!!!  the intangible: for the dismantling of nextdoor dot com, for all my bad memories to be erased, to win the war against seed oils, for the ai to stop(!!!), that the person who sullied my google reviews finds God and healing bc going against me is a form of psychosis, for great deals on this upcoming amazon prime day, that natalia grace is ok, that i never hear a telephone ring again, for watermelon to be in season all the time, that nobody is ever mad at me, that all eggs would turn to donuts in a way that would not have negative implications for chickens or negative repercussions for farmers, that everyone bounces back from whatever inevitable side effects ozempic will have, that my frequently used emoji are all safe and sound after getting rearranged, and for everyone I know and love to read the source by dr tara swart, and that they are all happy, healthy, successful, and in love forever.

the ones you can buy: these shoes (size 38)  or these shoes (size 38) also these (and you guessed it! 38) i want to fix my brain here, a casual five day immersive neurofeedback experience this watch this large suitcase or this one i cant pick this gorgeana kind of urgently, this these shoes (great deal alert!!!!) (size 38) i think the trajectory of my life would change if i owed four of these and maybe some other things to go with it big year for shoes … huge a stunning linen spray this practical thing her this or something else from her(e) these, white, small also kind of urgently, these this definitely the max mara teddy coat in the absolute smallest size and this is the last time I’m gonna put it here!!!!!! ykto!!! (lol!!)

[sylvies-chen]

ok it’s been a while since I posted my rookie squad group chat headcanons but since it got so many notes I figured I would do a part 2??? I might try and incorporate some new s5b and s6 stuff in here too. so here it is!

the rookie group chat headcanons - part 2

when lucy’s on a long undercover stint one time, the whole crew makes a fake website pretending to be top chef fans looking for a fan server, just so that she can “join” and eventually start a text chain with these “strangers” where they pretend not to know each other for a while and then talk about their days

bailey and her wild friend blow uppp the ladies only group chat one night with misspelled drunken texts and selfies of them, and the morning after bailey immediately asks angela to plan the bachelorette party because she wouldn’t be able to stand doing that crazy shit one more night

bailey also makes a text chain with nyla angela and tamara and they conspire to make lucy catch the bouquet so that tim will take the hint and get a ring already

thorsen and celina have their own dnd group chat, but they still try and recruit the rest of the gang every now and then. grey nearly has a stroke trying to understand what the hell a “level 16 paladin” means

but ohhhhh when celina MAKES them all understand the dm alignment chart. she sends it to them and then will regularly respond to things with “that’s so chaotic neutral of you tim” or “wesley always on ur lawful good beat” just to annoy them. they all hate it, but slightly less than when she uses zodiac signs in the same way

thorsen once sent an entire bob the builder episode file to the group chat with the caption “nolan- any notes?” and then went mia for twelve hours

harper will intentionally call aaron and celina the wrong names just to make sure no one thinks she’s getting too chummy or soft 

they try to group facetime and it goes about as well as you expect: grey doesn’t know how to hold the camera right, lucy keeps putting a cat filter on tim’s face, nolan keeps playing with the green screen backgrounds and angela keeps muting him

henry, tamara, dominique, and lila all have a “mid-wilshire kids” group chat. they keep it pretty pg for lila since she’s a bit younger, but mostly just use it to talk about their parents. eventually they let cyrus in because james finds out and suggests they include him. (james, per their request, keeps it a secret, because he’s sure if they ever found out their kids were sneaking around and giggling about them, their parents would not be having it lol)

I could do this all dayyyyy lol lmk if you want part 3!