#story time when i was like 10 or whatever i started with the SECOND warrior cats series instead of the first

[taravangians-storming-balls]

Person who follows the book spoiler tag instead of blocking it when a book comes out like "I'm going to learn so many forbidden facts"

[mcuamerica]

The Shadowsinger | Epilogue

Warnings: ACOTAR series spoilers, mentions of past miscarriages, mention of canon level violence,

Summary: Much time has passed. You and Azriel are finally starting a family.

Disclaimer: I do not own SJM’s characters or plot lines, only the ones I create for the purpose of this story. This is a work of fiction. I do not give permission to repost my work on any other platform or medium. Please be respectful.

Graphics are my own. If you use, please give credit!

Series Masterlist

You stood on top of the hill as you watched the camp's lively movements, hand resting lazily on your swollen stomach.

You were eight months pregnant, two months from giving birth to your and Azriel's little girl. Much to Azriel's protests, you were still overseeing your camp.

After your official mating with Azriel, you took to creating an all female unit of Illyrian warriors. And Cassian had the perfect space to do it, the camp he burned down after his mother died. He thought it fitting that females would get to reclaim it, and you agreed. So, you were the war camp Lady of Beornwynn, meaning joyful warrior. Even after 50 years of running the camp, you were still baffled at people coming to you for advice on fighting techniques or for settling disputes.

Just 25 years ago you and the other camp Lords, along with the IC of the Night Court, decided it was time to end the Blood Rite. While tradition still lived on with qualifying courses comprised of three levels, and determining rank, the Blood Rite was too bloody a ritual. Too many potential warriors died in it, and too many sons and daughters were victim to cruel acts or vicious creatures. So, instead, there was a week of qualifying courses that rotated from camp to camp each year. The first set of courses were competed at a team level, the second as smaller units, and the finals were individuals. The winners for each round were determined by time, skill, and ability. If one made it passed the first round, they were named Arktosian. The second round winners were named Oristian. The third and final winners were named Carynthian. At the end of the week, when the stars were lined up perfectly with Ramiel, there was an induction ceremony where the warriors names Carynthian would climb the final trek of the mountain to touch the top. Wings bound and magic temporarily taken from them, but supervised. If they didn't make it, they would be demoted to Oristian. It was a good middle ground, and the ranks held out just as they had centuries before.

The ending of the Rite came after Nyx had participated, as part of your camp. You started allowing males to join the Illyrian units 10 years after it was established, just in time for Nyx to truly start learning. He, along with a group of friends, made it to the top of the mountain and were named Carynthian, just like his father. It nearly killed him, and he had a nasty scar that ran down his arm because of it. But he survived and he was an incredible warrior that made his entire family proud. Especially when he chose to continue his training and ended up taking a position as one of your commanders.

You watched as he trained the females and males alike, all moving as a unit. You couldn't wait for your little girl to be apart of it, hopefully trained by Nyx and his younger sister, Nera.

The Valkyries had a place at your camp too, it was a mix of Illyrains and them. When a warrior reached a certain level, they could choose between the two. While Nyx was an Illyrian through and through, Nera was a Valkyrie. There was a ground unit of Illyrian females (and males) that couldn't use their wings, if the females didn't join the Valkyries. And you would be happy with whatever your daughter chose. Even if she decided to not participate at all.

You felt Azriel's presence as he appeared next to you, his arm snaking over your shoulder. You glanced up at him, smiling at the faint stubble that graced his jaw. After all these years, you still admired his beauty. "Hi." You whispered. "Spying go well?" You asked.

Azriel hummed in acknowledgement, leaning down to kiss your neck and take in your scent, something he hadn't stopped doing since he scented that you were pregnant. "Everything okay here?" He asked, eyes glancing over to the camp below.

"As always.. though I did have to break up a fight earlier." You said, a teasing smirk on your lips as you felt him tighten his grip.

"You shouldn't be-"

"Nyx was the one who got in between them. You think him or Nera are going to let me break up a fight myself?" You teased, smiling at the look on your niece and nephews faces when they found you watching the fight. They immediately jumped in as you scolded the two warriors.

Azriel still let out a growl. "You should be resting. Not worrying about fights." He said, hand coming up to cup your cheek.

You knew his worry. You'd lost babes in the past, but always early on in you pregnancy. It took a while for you to really start trying again, and even longer to actually get pregnant. But when you did, you were overjoyed. Azriel was even more excited. Especially when you made it past the crucial months.

"We're going back to Velaris tomorrow, remember? That was part of the deal." In which you made with him when you first got pregnant. When you were officially 8 weeks away from giving birth, you would go back to Velaris and let him dote on you. As long as he took a break too.

"I still regret agreeing to it." He said, hand trailing to rest on top of your belly. You smiled as he knelt down and pressed a soft kiss to it, muttering a hello to your daughter.

"Help me to our cabin?" You asked as he stood up.

He winked at you, taking your arm and walking with you down the hill to your cabin. He gave Nyx a wave when the young Illyrian noticed him and Azriel nodded to the cabin. Nyx gave him a nod back and went back to training his unit.

"You know, Feyre is still very upset Nyx chose to spend all his time here." Azriel teased.

You laughed softly. "I can't help it if he loves his aunt and uncle more than his parents." You joked. In all honesty, Nyx spent his time between here and Velaris. And the other war camps. But this was Nyx's home base, where his friends and family were. Nera, on the other hand, spent more time with her parents, learning everything there was to know about running the Night Court. She presented with much more power than Nyx, and he quickly stepped aside for his younger sister. Being a warrior was much easier than being a courtier for him.

You soon were sat on the couch, letting Azriel rub your swollen ankles and feet as you sipped on some steaming tea. It was autumn, and while being in the Illyrian mountains meant having early snows most times, it didn't mean that currently. Autumn leaves fell from the trees planted around the camp, the shrubs and grass descended into browns. Still, it wasn't quite as cold as it normally was and you were happy for it. Even if you were hot because of the hormones all the time.

You looked out the window, smiling as you got a glimpse of Nyx training some of the younger recruits on how to fly in a unit. He truly never stopped working. Your smile faltered as you began to think about how you'd have to navigate teaching your own daughter how to fly.

Azriel caught your gaze, sensing the shift in your demeanor. "You will be able to fly with her. Just like you fly with me." He said, squeezing your calf.

You glanced down to his hands and then back up at him. "Not as well as I could." You said, shifting your wings behind you. You still woke at night from the lingering pain of your snapped tendon. While it was repaired and you could fly, it never lasted long without your muscles having a spasm and then you needing to land. Trying to teach your daughter to fly with the pain made you wince while you thought about it.

"She'll see her mom flying and that will be enough." He said, moving to sit closer to you and pull you towards his side. "You know you're amazing in more ways than one and she will see that. Especially when she sees you flying with your scars." Azriel said.

Tears had welled in your eyes, from what you really didn't know. It could've been Azriel's words or the prospect of teaching your daughter to fly. You knew for certain your emotion was increased because of the hormones coursing through your body.

"Oh.. sweetheart." Azriel whispered and cupped your cheek, wiping the tears from your eyes.

"Stupid pregnancy. Makes me all weepy." You muttered, a smile coming to your face. "Thanks, Az." You said and kissed his cheek, sniffing slightly. "Maybe we can go back to Velaris tonight... I'd honestly like to make the family dinner today." If only to rub it in Rhys's face that Nyx spent an extra week with you all instead of going to the Day Court's official High Lords meeting. You knew his parents would scold him for it, but you also understood not going to go to the meeting. They were boring most of the time, and the other times normally ended with someone being restrained from a fight. You were glad you were never required to go to those anymore, instead sitting in on the occasional war meeting with Azriel, Cassian, and the other commanders of Prythian. While you hadn't had war in quite a few years, it was still good to keep prepared. Which is exactly why you spent most of your time at Beornwynn.

"Only if you want, I know you've been getting drained more often as the sun goes down." He said, rubbing your shoulders.

You hummed and nodded, smiling a bit. "I'm up for it, Az. I want to see our family." Which would be increased by two within the next year. While you were close to bringing your little girl into the world, Nesta was only 6 months pregnant at this point, but excited as ever to have a baby. Lucien and Elain already had two of their own, though they were now ruling in the Day Court after the unfortunate passing of Helion. Your family was growing by the day, it seemed, and you couldn't wait for your daughter to be apart of it.

It didn't take long for you to settle into a routine back in Velaris, happy to see your family and have them close to help with chores when you were too tired. Azriel was always by your side, but even he was getting restless. Which is why you sent him and Cassian to train some of the Valkyries at the House of Wind while Nesta and you relaxed in your house. You watched as Azriel's shadows swirled under your feet, sipping more tea as Nesta went on about the book she was reading.

"Are you listening?" She asked, waving her hand in front of your face. "I just said the main character of the book almost died from getting fucked too hard and you don't react?" She asked.

"With the books you read, isn't that par for the course?" You asked, a teasing smirk forming on your lips.

She nudged you with a scoff, but a small smile graced her lips. "How are you doing? Did your headaches go away?" You asked, nodding towards her growing belly.

She hummed, smiling faintly. "Yes, thankfully." She said and hummed, closing her eyes as she leaned her head back. "It was so bad one week I just stayed inside and laid in bed. I couldn't even open my eyes." She said.

You scrunched your nose, shaking your head. "Get ready for a constant aching back next. I can't wait to lay down on my back for more than five minutes." You said, smiling as she laughed along with you.

"Is Elain going to be here closer to when you're due?" You asked.

She nodded, smiling. "She also can't wait to see your little girl." She said. "But she can't make it in when you're due."

You nodded, giving her a gentle shrug. "With the rest of our family, I think I will survive." You said.

Nesta nodded and rested a hand on her belly. “Madja says we’re having a boy,” she whispered. “Honestly, I think I’m relieved.” She said.

You tilted your head. “Why’s that?” You asked.

“I don’t think I would be a very good mother to a girl.” She said.

You shook your head. “Nesta, you’re going to be an incredible mom either way.” You said. “And if you ever have a girl later, you’re going to be amazing. Because you worry about being a bad mom.” You said. “That’s why you’ll be good.”

She nodded and looked at you. “Are you ready?” She asked.

You smiled happily and hummed as you set your mug down. “Yes, very.” You said. “I can’t wait to see Azriel with our little girl. He’s been wanting it for so long… and I remember him with Nera when she was young. He was so sweet… and I just can’t wait for that to be him with our little one.”

Pretty soon, it was time for your babe to be born. It took hours with the labor, but finally, you had a little baby girl in your arms. Her wings would flutter every now and then when she would coo at you.

Azriel stood above you, his hand resting on your shoulder as he peered down at your daughter. “She’s beautiful.” He whispered, smiling at her.

“Can you take her?” You asked, smiling as he nodded. His eyes were slightly wide as he took your babe in his arms, smiling at her as she reached up.

You settled back into the now clean bed, leaning your head against the pillow. “Did you settle on a name?” You asked him. You both had come up with a lot and you were way too indecisive to choose, so you gave Azriel the role of choosing one from the list.

Azriel smiled down at his daughter, rocking back and forth with his hips. “Sorin.” He said.

You smiled and looked at him as he swayed back and forth. “Perfect name for a perfect baby girl." You said, admiring your mate and your babe.

You drifted off to sleep to Azriel's quiet soothing, "Hi little one.. I'm your daddy.. I love you so much. I'm going to protect you and keep you safe... and warm.. and no harm is every going to come to you. I love you."

A/N: I didn't think I was going to continue this series on, but I just had to write an epilogue (esp after I saw how close it came to my Eris fic in the poll). Annnddd I've wanted to give them a longer conclusion.. though honestly I might still write some drabbles if any of you have reuqests...

Tagging: @cherry-cin @cleverzonkwombatsludge @nickishadow139 @complete-randomness2 @lilah-asteria @tele86 @mybestfriendmademe @mariahoedt @6v6babycheese @secretsthathauntus @krowiathemythologynerd @fightmedraco @he6rtshaker @kayla-rose15 @aelincaddel @mfri06 @hauntedstudentobservationus @brieflyclassymortal @read-write-sleep-startover @krowiathemythologynerd @ialwayscryatendings @chxosangxl @tanyaherondale @randombibitch @plants-w0rld @etsukomoonbeam @riorgail @herondale-lightworm @panther-girl-124

[legendofzoodles]

The Chain in an Escape Room

Crackpot modern AU version of this post. 

Time helped set this up as a team-building exercise and starts regretting it seconds after the door shuts behind them. He knows most of the solutions and tries to hint at them as a passive observer but lord help him no one listens. Or if they do it’s in the complete opposite way he meant. Trying to keep things together is outside his range of skills, so whatever happens, happens. 

Warriors bragged that a friend of his did it and it was super easy, but doesn’t end up contributing much. In fact he’s the opposite of helpful. He would call the friend who’s completed it for ‘hints’, but would end up having them tell him everything and use that knowledge to mess with the team. Adding red herrings and false clues, drawing attention away from the real solutions and more importantly, wasting time. Don’t worry, the rest eventually catch on and end him, if Time doesn’t put a stop to it first.   

Twilight would be the theorist. He doesn’t actually try anything or do anything practical, he’ll just throw ideas out there based off the most irrelevant stuff and look for a deeper meaning in everything he sees. “Is that painting of a cat playing with string a clue?” “This shelf is missing a ledge could that mean something?” “That mirror has a crack in it...maybe...”

Sky, bless him, will leave helpful notes for the next group of people. He’ll have post-it notes out and ready (just because), so whenever the chain finally makes a breakthrough he’ll jot it down and leave it somewhere not to obvious. He’d also write down little compliments and motivating things like: “You can do it!” and “Almost there!” though it would get confusing when they inevitably backtrack:

Legend: [picking up a post-it note] Guys I found clue!

Note: You look nice today! :)

Legend: [scrunching it up] Dammit Sky!

Legend, will hoard anything and everything he thinks ‘might’ be useful. That random chess piece, that picture frame, maybe those marbles, all vital items. The others will help him break stuff without him even needing to ask. So long as they’re not damaging anything too expensive, Time will allow it. 

Wild will take pictures, selfies and videos of everyone suffering. He wouldn’t help since Time won’t let him cheat or break themselves out, so he’ll just enjoy himself by documenting the chaos for everyone to look back on and cringe. Or maybe he’ll live-stream the whole thing to his 10 followers.

Four will constantly remind people of the time. If they’re taking too long on a puzzle he’ll be literally counting down the seconds insisting they think faster. He won’t take any kind of goofing around because that’s wasting valuable time. When they do eventually figure something out he’ll be the one to lament how easy it was and how it shouldn’t have taken them that long.

Hyrule, the oddball, will try to get into the mind of the creators. Start psychoanalysing them from the word ‘go’, and try to figure out the thought process that went behind the puzzles. He’ll look at suspiciously places objects and clues and think, “That has Time written all over it” or “Yeah I can see him doing that”. When that predictably fails, because he’s terrible at it, he’ll ask Time roundabout questions to try and see into his mind. That doesn’t work either. 

Wind, when he isn’t co-hosting Wild’s livestream, helping Warriors mess with the chain or collecting items for Legend’s hoard, like the tiny gremlin he is, will be opening the nearest window and screaming for help into the street. 

This, to Time’s horror, actually works and a random pedestrian hears the boy and calls the fire brigade thinking they were actually trapped in the building. 

~~~

Thanks for reading!

Masterlist 

Headcanons: Parkour team, Honorary Gorons, How each member of the chain laughs, Flora is Feral, Is Malon Real?

AU Ideas: Midsommar AU, Hyrule centric idea

Short Stories: Smoke Signal (LU Wild x reader), Ancient Masonry (Sky and Wild), Blunt Crown (Wild and Flora)

[thisisegregiouuuus]

ok i was gonna make a post abt my rh oc kitty but i got distracted like usual so i gotta say 2 THINGS!!!

first of all, im kind of getting back into warrior cats...not rlly the books, but moreso the game clangen which im legit obsessed with, and its kind of similar to how i act w royale high. ill randomly be like 'oh hey i havent been on clangen in a while' so i hop on, get attatched to it for a week or 2 at most, and then wham bam thank you MAM!!! im sick of it and leave

but rn im back on it! and im kiiinnndddd of maaaaybbeeee considering starting a new clan and recording the events and stuff on a new blog/account/idk whatever thingy here on tumblr (for the billionth time... bc u have NOOOOO idea how many times ive started a new clan, been like 'oh yeah, this is the one', documented it for ages, then just gave up on it. i probably have like 10 random google docs floating around that are documenting random stuff in random clans </3) so yeah, idk if its gonna happen, especially bc i kind of need to focus on school rn, so idk. i might leave it to do it on the holidays but who knows if ill still be interested by then....theres always too much things going on around me and in my brain for me to even keep up

and also if anyone was wondering, yes i kind of am into warrior cats, i useed to love it as a kid and i still do. i remember playing the old roblox roleplay game back when it was just like rlly shitty cylinder morphs of cats back in grade 8 but let me tell u....the poor quality just added the more fun and charm to it. not even kidding, i loved it so much. i literally would stay up every single night so late just to rp, that game used to be my life, like i cant put into words how much i loved that game. every night i played the warrior cats rp game, that would be the highlight of my day, or the thing i was most esxcited abt after school was over. but things are different now, dont get me wrong the new and improved version of the game is rlly impressive, but ill always miss the good old days with the bad morphs of the cats </3 they will always hold a dear place in my heart, and same with all the fun and memories i made playing that game

also bc of how often i used to rp i became like a pro, like i was rlly confident and everything came naturally, but now ive left it for too long, i havent roleplayed in what feels like a billion years, and im hella rusty </3 it rlly sucks bc rn id love love looooveeee to get back into roleplaying on roblox. even if it isnt on warrior cats, id be happy, i just miss roleplaying in general

anyway im going soo off course rn. i did read the warriors books as a kid but i didnt rlly read the series in order tbh, like i remember reading into the wild, but thats it. otherwise id only read the special edition books lmao, idk why but i did and i loved them, and even tho i basically didnt follow the chronological story line, i still loved warrior cats sm

anyway that abt does it for the whole warrior cats stuff. idk where its gonna go from here but for now ill just enjoy clangen as is

and now that i said all that i cant be bothered mentioning the second thing lmao. its legit almost 2am im not even kidding, and i have to wake up at like 9am </3

sorry for any spelling mistakes and stuff btw this isnt proof read

[sunkeeperxiv]

FFXIV Write: Free Day (10)

Post-ShB timeline/spoilers; ~850 words

A group of revelers in the Crystarium reminisce, and it turns out first impressions aren't everything. Fortunately.

(The word was "avail" from one of the previous years, but then I changed my mind and now this has the most tenuous connection possible to that word)

(but I'm still posting it because it's late and I need sleep and I can write whatever I want for today anyway)

“He came to the Wandering Stairs with his brother,” Mei-Tatch said. “Think it must’ve been his first day here.” He was the only one of their group standing, still working, wiping diligently at one of many tankards sitting in metal tubs of soapy water. It was unfortunate, Bragi mused, that the staff of the Stairs couldn’t let their hair down and celebrate with the rest of the Crystarium’s residents during a festival. Although Mei-Tatch grumbled, however, he didn’t seem to truly begrudge the others their free enjoyment.

In years past I’d be jealous, certainly, but not now, he’d said once, when Bragi had questioned him about it. Used to be we served drinks so people could forget their troubles an’ drown their sorrows. Now we have real celebrations, and I see real joy, real hope in their faces. Seein’ everyone happy like that’s worth more than any one night of carousing. Bragi understood; he had seen the same, in the faces of new arrivals and would-be adventurers both, every day. Joy. Hope. All in the Crystarium had seen that change come about.

The small group that had gathered at the Stairs, long after most others had retired to their beds, were reminiscing about one of the heroes who had brought that change about. The Warrior of Darkness himself.

“I almost didn’t believe they were brothers when Khayta introduced him,” Mei-Tatch continued. “They looked so different. But then they seemed so glad to just be with each other.” His mouth quirked to the side briefly. “Well, they both have odd names, I suppose. Makes sense now, of course. Knowin’ where they were from.”

“Must’ve been nice, to see him at his ease so soon,” Chessamile remarked, tilting her wine glass idly. “When he came by Spagyrics that first day with the Exarch he seemed all business. He was friendly enough, but I could tell his smile was forced.” She set the glass down and peered into the liquid’s depths. “I’ve seen a great deal of soldiers in a great deal of pain step into my infirmary. I thought he was just the next in line.” The corner of her mouth turned up. “I was right, I suppose… but I was wrong too.”

“Aye, I had a similar sense from him,” Katliss mused, leaning far enough back on her stool to make Bragi worry she would fall. “He didn’t seem a bad person, not at all, but he had no interest in idle chitchat, or in our more mundane work. Wanted to know if we could repair his armor should he need that, an’ it made me think he was goin’ to go out and get himself cleaved in two or eaten whole by some Eater or another. Wasn’t until the night came back that he started helpin’ us out with projects, showing his personality.” She gazed up at the sunless sea. “Mayhap he had to heal our world before he could heal himself? I was always too timid to ask. But Light take me if I didn’t see him turn into a different man altogether once the Night was back.”

“What about you, market master?” Chessamile asked. “How’d you meet our departed hero?” Bragi hummed and took a large swig of the ale in his tankard, stalling. He remembered their first meeting vividly, of course, just as much as any of the others at the bar that night did. It wasn’t the most flattering story, though.

“He arrived at the markets with the Exarch," he recounted, "then came back later by himself. The second time he came to me to introduce himself, so I gave him the speech I give all newcomers, and I assured him a Mystel like himself could surely find any armor or clothing he needed at the markets. And his response was—“ He paused for a beat. Remembering the conversation always brought a grin to his face, but between the act of recounting it and the warm fuzz of ale in his head, he was having to stifle laughter. He threw his head back and spoke into the sparkling black sky, not trusting himself to meet anyone's eyes.

“He raised his head, set his ears back, looked me square in the eye, and said, ‘What in the seven hells is a Mystel?’ He looked like he was trying to figure out if I’d insulted him!” The other celebrants did their best to politely stifle their laughter, but they were clearly as amused by the story as Bragi was.

“Well, like I said before,” Mei-Tatch managed, after a moment, “it makes sense now. Knowing where he came from.”

“S’pose it goes to show he was just a man like any other.” Katliss handed her empty tankard over to Mei-Tatch, pointing to the tap in a silent request for more. “He and our Exarch both.”

“Indeed,” Bragi agreed. “We can only hope they’re both enjoying the same happiness we are now, back in their homeland. That, and make the most of this new world they won for us.”

The others agreed, and after a moment of contemplation, a new round of stories began. They stayed like that long into the night, until fingers of sunlight began to refract through the Crystarium’s domed ceilings.

[lemonlurkrr]

@aureateart​ ok. My favourite parts of twilight princess  (and some other random thoughts about TP sprinkled in there) taken from my monster TP word vomit google doc :

Link lmao

Ok but for real, I like this incarnation of Link :)

I love Ordon (it just seems like such a chill and cozy village)

ALSO love how easy it is to interpret Link as being a sort of older brother figure to the Ordon kiddos. It’s just,, super cute? AND GHHH nice nice good thanks nintendo for giving me characters to care about/characters that I can imagine Link caring about

He didn’t sign up for any of this (tbh, none of the Links really signed up for this jshdjsd). But I mean like, dude was just going to take a trip to castle town, drop a gift off for the royal family, and come back. But haHA oopsies he did get to castle town eventually but definitely not the way he expected hsjdhsd

He’s just a little dude?

AND FUCK. HE REALLY HAD NEVER BEEN OUTSIDE OF ORDON UNTIL ALL OF THAT

everything is new for the player AND Link

Midna

She’s cool :)

she really just

*teleports into your jail cell* hello whore.

I am no master at writing but AYYYY she do got a character arc!!!

She was actually pretty helpful sometimes, I ALWAYS checked in with her before turning to a game guide

Other NPCs

NICE

Love all of the TP character designs (ASHEI’S ARMOUR??? AOWOAOAOOAO)

Saving Zelda and all of Hyrule was important yea but thinking back maybe it was more like, the Ordonians and the kids were what was pushing Link to keep on going

I like the Resistance members :) Very video gamey of them to have one NPC assigned to each dungeon but hey!!! Kinda cool getting to see a little glimpse of each of em

Idk, it’s just fun to imagine Link popping into Telma’s bar after each dungeon and taking a little rest :) (or to celebrate? maybe just chat, idk, give this man some downtime!!)

Honestly it was just kind of nice that Link wasn’t entirely alone. I mean, I know Midna was there the whole time, but I am always for giving Link a big group of friends (see my love for hyrule warriors, age of calamity, and LU LMAO)

Hero’s shade, very very cool, kinda sad he died with regrets but HEY. He got to pass on his knowledge eventually

AND the connection to OoT?? AND assumed to be related by blood too????? GOOD SHIT

Ilia, I REALLY really wanted to like her (er, it’s not like I dislike her, she’s just,,, kinda there for me).

It definitely seems like Nintendo was pushing to make her the romantic interest, but GHHHHH they really threw that out of the window for me by having her lose her memories

I saw a text post a while ago that said it would have been interesting if Ilia was Link’s sister instead and YES!! That would have been cool too :0

Wish we got to know Zelda a little more

I feel like we barely know anything about her

Idk man, like I said earlier, I never really had any sort of drive to save Zelda during my playthroughs

She obviously knows Midna, so maybe if they gave us just a little bit more of that relationship I’d be more interested in her?

TP WORLD BUILDINGGGG

Botw has good world building too, but each race felt kinda,,, isolated? I absolutely love the different architecture and vibe each town has (and all the the weapons too) but ghhh yea everyone felt so separated. As far as I can remember, we don’t see tooo much of the races interacting with each other? Now that I’m typing that out maybe that’s to be expected because of the calamity but KLSJDKJFD ANYWAYS THIS IS ABOUT TP

The world feels nice and alive, love how populated everything is

Castle town I like castle town a lot, it feels dense and busy and I really like how you can’t talk to every NPC you see

Very cool very fun that we got to see the Gorons hanging out in multiple spots

kinda wish we got to see the Zoras a little more (I guess they are a bit limited since they need water but GHHHH the tp zoras are so prebby,,)

BUT HEY, I do remember seeing a zora or two hanging out in the hot springs around death mountain after beating the lakebed temple (I think, might have been a different dungeon) 

but aaaa would have been nice to see them in at least a couple of other places. I think it would have really added to the “congrats Link!! You’re restoring peace to Hyrule” feeling you get from seeing the Gorons hanging out in Kakariko and Castle Town

ORDON

Love how chill it is and how it’s kind of separate from Hyrule proper

They really do seem to be doing their own thing apart from the rest of Hyrule

Just kinda adds onto the “he’s just a regular dude minding his own business” kind of vibes I get from TP Link

Also I like Ordona :)

THE LIGHT SPIRITS,,

Love their design

And love how they’re not exactly like a pure white?

Different spirit representing each aspect of the triforce my beloved

But yes hi I think Ordona is very cool

Who are you, how did you get here, which goddess do you represent? Do you even represent one of the three golden goddesses? Do the Ordonians know about you? Have any of them ever SEEN you??? Do they worship you? Does anybody even know about the existence of the light spirits?? FUCK so many questions but ghhh I like how they broke the status quo a bit by throwing in a fourth spirit :)

I feel like this one is kinda weird but I like that voice sample they used in the light spirit music. It’s spooky and pretty at the same time :)  

cutscenes mmmmm

Ok ok, the spooky lanayru cutscene is very good

BUT THE “Link, Chosen Hero! Lend us the last of your power!” CUTSCENE MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM LOVE IT SO MUCH

IT just

Idk man

It just hit different

I like the music

And seeing the light spirits swimming around in the light juice water whatever it is

Summoning the light arrows?

AND HHHHH “Lend us the last of your power!” THIS IS IT. This is the final battle.

Seeing Zelda bow down, and then Link putting his hand out 👌👌👌

Link: ok bud, let’s do this together :)

Connection to OoT (did I already mention this? Maybe., Whatever)

Very cool nintendo :)

I love seeing connections between all the diff zelda games.

Because like, on one hand, they’re all separate from each other because of yknow, individual hero stuff. BUT ALSO, they’re all connected because of the reincarnation stuff

Grrrr walking through the sacred grove and going “The Hero of Time walked around here a long time ago” FUCK THATS SO COOL

Is the Hero’s Shade watching me? What does he think of me? DIsappointed? Proud? The Hero of Time went through HELL so this timeline didn’t have to deal with any of the shit Ganon was gonna pull with the triforce, better not fuck this UP Link!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Midlink is cute

Kinda hurts that she smashed the mirror but that was probably so Nintendo didn’t have to worry about people going “but what about the twili??????” for any of the other games LMAO

BUT ALSO LIKE SKJDKLJFJ There are some pretty massive plot holes in TP anyway so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ whatever it’s fine we’ll just use this for angst because GOD do y’all like angst

So is Shadlink

Honestly don’t know where this ship came from but it’s cute so whatever

THE MUSIC??

Love Midna’s theme and how they referenced the dark world theme from ALttP (I remember trying to learn the dark world theme on the piano and doing the Leonardo DiCaprio point meme at the little jingle I recognized from Midna’s theme)

Hyrule field theme SLAPS.

Apparently references a couple of the other over-world themes from the previous zelda games (I got this from 8-bit Music theory’s video on the over-world zelda themes, he talks about TP at around 11:40 but def recommend watching the whole video if you’re into music analysis stuff)

So there’s this bit of the Hyrule Field theme, I don’t know the official name for it but I remember seeing somewhere it being called the “at an advantage theme” since yeah, you hear it during the boss music whenever you expose their weak points. FUCKINGGG LOVE THAT. Didn’t notice it during my first playthrough, but hearing it during my second was like a little easter egg for my ears every time :)

Midna’s lament is very pretty (and fun to play on the piano)

COURAGE THEME.

I didn’t care for it too much when I started playing the game but hearing it in ZREO’s arrangement of the Hyrule Field theme literally makes me turn into a puddle of emotions. Also hearing it around and of the Ordon kids (I think it plays after Link saves Colin) AAAAAAAAAAAAA

Orchestra piece #1 and #2 HOLY SHIT???????????????? 

Literally, the first time I listened to those I just,,,, plugged in my headphones, volume 100, layed on the floor/against my desk and silently vibed. I don’t know what the hell it is, but those two just fit so well with TP?? I still avoid listening to them nowadays cause if I DO I definitely will get overwhelmed with the “god I love this game so FUCKING MUCH” kind of feels.

Wolf link sucks at singing

the first time I heard him howling Zelda’s Lullaby I lost my shit because LKSJLDKSGLKJFSKG god that was.,, Bad. Anyways, hearing him howl some of the songs from OoT was cute :)

TP STAFF ROLL??? 

VERY GOOD. IT’s like 10 minutes long and GOD do I love every single second of it. It doesn’t have the same energy as the skyward sword staff roll or the orchestra pieces but GOD does it hit good??

Nice and calm after that big exciting adventure. Maybe it would have been more fun or emotional to have a higher energy piece but it was really nice getting to sit back and watch the camera fly around Hyrule. Seeing like, the Gorons and the Zoras having a good time, the kids returning to Ordon? GOOD SHIT.

and AAAAA that end, when you hear the main Zelda theme and see Link riding off out of Faron woods on Epona… good shit. It gets you thinking, where the hell is he going? What is he doing? Off ot do more adventuring? Going to help out the resistance or something? Going to help Zelda? Or maybe he’s trying to figure out a way to restore the mirror of twilight? Whoooo knows.

hhHHHHhhh it’s just that final reminder that YES!!! YOU JUST PLAYED A ZELDA GAME. JUST ANOTHER STORY APART OF THE WHOLE EPIC OF THE ZELDA SERIES AS A WHOLE

I also want to acknowledge the instrument/samples they used for all the twili stuff.

They’re all just so unique and contrast SO well with the rest of the TP OST. LIKE FUCK!! Anytime I hear the screech from the Twilit Kargarok? Sends a shiver down my spine. I associate those sounds SO strongly with the twili realm. (Like, the same way you associate the BSHEWW VVWWMMM sounds with light sabers)

I love it so god damn much

literally any time there’s a certain sound or motif associated with something I lose my shit

Sacred grove sacred grove sacred gro-

lovely lovely lovely so much fun playing that on the piano. AND again, I did the Leonardo DiCaprio pointing meme when I heard the theme from the lost woods come in GHHHHHHHH

shoutout to TP Faron Woods for helping me study and get through all of my schoolwork

BLEGUUHHH can you tell that I really love music?

and also yea I guess TP is kinda cool too :\

IF YOU READ ALL OF THAT THANKS I GUESS

[likesrandomstuff]

Avalance Fic Recommendations Part 4

The final part of this series. Thanks to everyone who reblogged and liked, and a huge shout-out to @heywhereisperry who encouraged and motivated me into doing this.

As I said in Part 1, feel free to add any more stories you think should be recognised to any of these posts, and my ask box is open if you would like more detail on anything.

Part 1: Bite Sized

Part 2: Snacks

Part 3: Meals

Banquets (Over 75,000 words)

When you do not have anything you need to do in the next couple of days

You're My Miracle by bihexualmess

My tags: Ava is FBI, Sara is a Private Investigator, Rip brings Sara on for a case

This just got updated the other week and ruined multiple nights of sleep for me. At almost 350k words, still going, I don’t know how to explain without spoiling stuff that happens a long way in. There are so many layers to both Ava and Sara here, and the trauma, and the issues, and the fact they will not talk to each other about anything. I jumped on this a bit late, as the title and description didn’t grab me, but oh boy, I was missing out. I did get to read a heap of it in one go, but that doesn’t help the slow burn. I would start this even though it’s still a WIP, just because it will take you a while, to read, and also the storylines need time to settle in, because they are heavy, but just amazing. It is now the longest Avalance fic with the latest update.

this is the way that we love (like it's forever) by CoffeeAndArrows, moonlitprincess

My tags: College Avalance dated and broke up, five years later they meet again, Ava’s dating someone else

This fic had me crying in the lunchroom during my second week of work because I couldn’t not read during my lunch break, and it was hitting me so hard. That was after starting it at 10pm, reading to 2am, sleeping until 6am, reading until 11am a couple of days before. Warning for major character deaths; the funeral for one is alluded to in the description. If anyone says something bad about Jordan, I will not be happy; one of the best original characters I have ever read in a fic. Sara’s not in a great place initially, but she gets there. And there’s some cute flashbacks to college Legends too.

you make me smile (please stay for a while now) by CoffeeAndArrows, moonlitprincess

My tags: High School Rivals AU, Ava’s class president, Sara is the superstar soccer captain, they have more in common than they thought

I just looked at the word count for this, and it must be the first time I have, because wow! It is a journey! There’s a couple of prequel, sequel and interjection stories in this universe too. Ava has to deal with her family not being super supportive when she comes out. Sara has to deal with Laurel struggling and their mum having a clear favourite (Laurel). Most of the Legends have really great arcs in here as well. Ava’s family is great. I wanna hang out with her little sister. Don’t be like 2018 me who gives up after the first chapter because they are mad about what Laurel is going through. She’s fine, and there’s a heap of great Sara and Laurel moments. I recently re-read the last 10 chapters, and I still couldn’t stop myself from reading like it was the first time.

i am who you used to love (and you are just a memory) by justpalsbeingals

My tags: The Vow AU, but Ava makes some better choices early on, they’re married, Ava gets into an accident and loses all memory of Sara

I hate the movie this fic is based on. The movie’s fine, and it was a delight seeing Tatiana Maslany in it while I was watching Orphan Black, but basically it is my worst-case scenario, losing my memory. The fact that this fic kept me hooked despite that, is a testament to the quality. The fic itself says “light angst”, I say it’s much, much heavier than that, but that’s just me. Warning, there are some intense twists in here, and everyone is a bit OOC to me, memory loss being considered, which might not be your thing.

and i will stumble and fall (i'm still learning to love) by lucylikestowrite

My tags: SwanQueen kid fic AU, yes, I know go with me on this, Ava adopted Sara’s unexpected baby, said kid finds Sara years later

In general, as I’ve mentioned before, I don’t like kid fics. Fics with future children coming back to meet their parents, or the couple going into the future? Some of my favourites ever. This has no time travel, but I trust Lucy. This story is under 75k, but the sequel is almost as long, so combined they’re over. The sequel is a WIP. I didn’t watch Once Upon a Time, but it’s the plot of the start of that, except the gay actually happens. There are a lot of issues our girls have to work through here, but the kid is so cute.

and we could try by plinys

My tags: it’s a story mostly told on twitter through fake screen shots of social media, Sara drunk messages Ava, Ava doesn’t block her

I’m sure this format of storytelling is not for everyone, and that’s okay! I was so confused by it at first. I would recommend starting with the shorter one, I can be your hero (in Part 2), just to see if you like it, before jumping into this. I read this when the epilogue, the fic, was released, and I was up until 5am because I couldn’t stop. It became part of my personality. Story wise, Sara and Ava are on different coasts, but both know Nate, Ray and Nora. Ray and Nora get engaged, and Avalance have to deal with planning that wedding, and whatever is going on with them.

take my hands now by plinys

My tags: Another Social Media twitter AU, Sara is The Canary, Ava is trying to arrest vigilantes, Nate accidently gives Ava Sara’s number

Another brilliant twitter story. Some of our gang is trying to arrest the other half. Sara knows who Ava is, Ava doesn’t know that Sara is the person she’s chasing. Everyone has public twitter accounts. Sara actually gets [spoiler villain] to stop an attack by sending them money for a drink.

your eyes, they shine so bright by plinys

My tags: Social Media AU, everyone works for not Buzzfeed, a colab series is pitched, Sara and Ava’s teams have to work together

Ava makes factual videos, Sara does not, they are forced to work together. Nate is everyone’s boss technically, but they do what they want. Nate and Ava are non-biological siblings, and Satan Camp is a running gag. Oh, fake dating is in there too!

right to the top, don't hold back by SJAandDWfan

My tags: American Ninja Warrior AU, Sara’s a veteran and the Legends train together, Ava’s a rookie, rivals to training partners to friends to …

I re-read this every year when the new Australian season comes out. It’s so burned into my brain that when I was watching the speed climbing at the Olympics I genuinely thought “I wonder how Amaya would go in this?”. Amaya’s pre-Ninja experience is rock climbing in this fic. I learnt so much about Ninja Warrior and how the show (at least in this universe) works, and it’s fascinating. Would recommend watching some clips if you’re unfamiliar with the concept. The story goes pretty in detail about the courses. For recommendations, either Jessie Gaff, who was a S1 Supergirl stuntwoman, or Australia’s own Olivia Vivian, who is just stages better than our next female.

biding our time (until tomorrow) by TheTruthAboutLove

My tags: Period setting AU, Ava’s too noble for her own good, Oliver’s dad is the villain

This was a really cool experiment. Basically, told in lots of mini chapters like a soap opera. I do not know much about this period of American history, but it did not matter. A lot of different Arrow-verse peeps show up along the way. I’m sure I complained out loud “you’re allowed to want things Ava!” at some point. There’s an attempt for fake dating, and it’s not the homophobia but the second daughter problem that gets them.

Click here to see all the parts

[rhenuvee]

Fred Weasley Fluff Alphabet

A/N: Seen a lot of these so I decided to do one of my own. And yes I do know there are different versions of the fluff alphabet but I chose this one, hope it’s ok. 

Warnings: Swearing

-----------------------------------------------------

A = Admiration (what do they absolutely adore about you?)

Fred adores your laugh and smile. Making people laugh was always his forte, so seeing that beautiful smile of yours makes it 10x better. If you’re lucky you might catch him blushing at your reaction, but he’ll never admit it.

B = Body (what is their favorite part of your body?)

This sounds weird but your head/face lol. 1. He likes to rest his chin on top of your head, or lean on yours at least. 2. Going back to A he loves your smile and 3. He loves it when you rest your head on him, whether it be his chest or shoulder, he’ll also kiss your temple. 

C = Cuddling (how do they like to cuddle?)

Would rather be the big spoon with his arms cradling your waist, bringing you closer to his body. Gives head pats, and whispers sweet nothings to lull you to sleep. Lowkey though, likes being the little spoon. You can only catch him like that if he’s too exhausted to think, and ends up just collapsing into your arms to sleep. Oh yeah, George is probably tired of seeing this.

D = Dates (what does their ideal date with you look like?)

Definitely tries to bring you somewhere or experience something new each time. But generally, if there was a place that made you significantly happier, he would take a mental note of that place and bring you there again sometime. I can picture trips to the beach, amusement parks/fairs, and maybe some sport like skiing or snowboarding, or maybe even just tobogganing (if you have snow).

E = Emotions (how do they express emotion around you?)

I don’t think Fred’s one to hide his emotions in the first place. I think most of the time he’d just be open and honest with himself. If he was feeling upset, though he might shut others out, he knows he’s calm when he’s with you. So once he feels like his head is clear again, he’ll talk it out with you.

F = Family (do they want one? If they do, when?)

Definitely wants a family in my opinion. The idea of mini you and/or mini him is something he’s always wanted. Probably wants kids once you guys are married. After that, he cannot wait to have a family with you.

G = Gifts (how do they feel about gift giving? What are their habits when it comes to this?)

I don’t see Fred as going all out with gifts, but occasionally will spoil you (like on your birthday for example). He likes giving and receiving gifts, though most likely isn’t his primary love language. 

H = Holding Hands (when/how do they like to hold hands?)

Holds hands whenever you’re walking together- yes I’m sorry, you’ve become that annoying couple that occupies half the hallway and has a walking speed slower than a turtle. But other than that, likes holding your hands out of reassurance, whether it’s him ensuring you’re going to be okay or vice versa. 

I = Injury (how would they act if you got hurt?)

Small injury? Asks if you’re okay and stuff like that for the first three seconds, then it’s right back to teasing about how clumsy you are. Big injury? Definitely tries to stay by your side as much as he can, might make light jokes to make you laugh.

J = Jokes (do they like to joke around with or prank you? how?)

Yes of course, who do you think he is. We all know he does all jokes of the sort, but more common ones for you that I can picture are things like scaring you in the hallways, and a lot of teasing to make you flustered. Might’ve pranked you once or twice with his WWW products- never again by how much you looked like you were gonna beat his ass (unless you like being pranked then you do you). 

K = Kisses (how do they like to kiss you?)

I feel like he likes longer kisses more. If you have alone time together, you bet your butt he will not stand for a simple peck. Once again- yeah you’re the annoying couple. Only gives small kisses if you’re saying bye to depart to different classes? Stuff like that.

L = Love (how do they show you they love you?)

He shows love through his loyalty. He’d never fight or abandon you if you weren’t at your best. He knows that leaving or ignoring a situation isn’t going to fix it, so he’d rather stay with you and figure it out together.

M = Memory (favorite memory together?)

His favourite memory was when you jumped into his arms when you went to his shop for the first time. You both had been apart, sending letters as much as you could, and now you finally are able to see each other again. He loved the look on your face when you saw the shop and when you said how proud you were of him.

N = Nicknames (what do they call their s/o?)

Love, darling, princess, doll. Will also call you those really ridiculous ones.

O = On cloud 9 (what are the like when they’re in love? Is it obvious? How do they express their feelings?)

I’d say he’s obvious when he’s in love. At first it might be the fact he’s more touchy with you, as in things like bumping your shoulder or patting your head. He expresses his feelings just by showing you any signs of affection. 

P = PDA (Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or do they get shy when others are watching?)

Yep, pretty upfront about your relationship, I can’t see him having those secret ones. There is rarely a time where people won’t see him latched onto you unless you’re in separate classes, at work, etc. Brags from time to time, mostly to 1. make you flustered and 2. as a comeback when Ron keeps asking why you would choose Fred. Does not get shy, unless George teases him about him being clingy. 

Q = Quality Time (how do they like to spend time with you?)

He just likes talking with you. He likes hearing your voice. You don’t have to be up and running about to have a good time with Fred. He likes talking, and your reactions to his stories. He also likes listening to whatever funny moment happened to you- he wants to feel included and laugh at the joke too.

R = Rhythm (what song reminds you of them?)

Errrr the songs I listen to don’t really correspond to Fred’s personality, so sorry if it might not be the songs you like or you think match him. But the one that comes to mind is Talk Too Much by COIN.

S = Secrets (how open are they with you?)

I’d say 90% open with you.. He doesn’t really see anything he has to hide from you, and again he likes telling you things. Burped loudly in charms class? He’ll tell you. As for the 10%, comes from his own insecurities. Sometimes there are things he feels iffy about, but as long as you’re willing to, you can talk it out and comfort him.

T = Time (how long did it take you to get together?)

Really depends who you are to him at first. If you’re already friends, maybe a month at most of teasing and matchmaking from your friends and his friends will make you get together. 

U = Upset (how do they act when you’re upset?)

He’ll do anything to get you smiling again. Sometimes he may act a little clueless, so he’ll just come over to you and hold you tight to his chest. Fred will let you vent, cry, whatever you need without judgement. He prefers if you communicate with him to discuss what’s upsetting you, but if you need time he’ll wait however long.

V = Vaunt (what are they proud of? Do they like to show you off?)

As a joke he always says he’s proud of the fact you’re able to keep up with his energy. But in reality he’s proud of your ability to stand up for yourself, and not take anyone else’s bull. Of course he likes to show you off- would definitely love those moments that you both get in the groove and bounce jokes off each other and make everyone laugh.

W = Warrior (how do they feel about you fighting? Would they fight for you, beside you, etc?)

Would rather you not fight, but shamelessly finds it hot when you roast some dude who’s being an asshole. If it was for a serious reason then he wouldn’t want you to fight, and would rather he take care of it instead.

X = X-Ray (how well are they able to read you?)

Pretty well I’d say. Overall your relationship is easy going, and you two fit like puzzle pieces so there’s little to no problems. However, there might be specific times when it takes a while for him to realize you’ve not been feeling well. For example, hiding your feelings. He’d rather you two communicate.

Y = Yes (how would they propose to you?)

Even though Fred can be boisterous, I can’t see him proposing in front of people. Would definitely go overboard with wherever location he chooses though. And yeah, thousands of hugs and kisses right after so no need to worry.

Z = Zen (what makes them feel calm?)

He’s calm when he can tell you’re happy, and also if you start to feel less insecure about yourself (not forcing obviously). Also feels calm when you’re with him, or at least near him. Is the most at ease when you’re in his arms, snuggled up to him in bed, and him stroking your cheeks.

[a-purple-lizard]

Assassinating Death (Part 1)

Noob Saibot X female slave reader

I’m debating wether so make a 10-15 chapter long fanfiction about this. If anybody would like to see a fanficion with this concept, please tell me!

Noob Saibot, the ruler of destiny rules all of existence, turning the worthy into revenant warriors and enslaving the weak. S/o is one of the ‘weak’ that he enslaved. Determined to put a stop to the cruel tyrant, s/o devises a plan to kill him. After all, why would a god suspect a pitiful slave of treason? (GIF by me! Taken from the MK11 arcade ending)

The rattle of her own chains was all s/o could hear inside the hollow castle walls. The air tasted of ash and death, as it always had. The woman was hastily scrubbing the stone floor, the rough sound falling on deaf ears as s/o remained focused on the man behind her. A tall soulless husk that watched her intently, looking for some opportunity to punish her.

S/o wouldn’t allow it. Not again. She already had exactly thirty two scars on her back from her punishment. The slave attire forced all to wear open back leather tops as a way to easily punish slaves as well as provide warning to others. Her hair was clipped so that it did not go past her neck, leaving her scars for the world to see.

A stone collar was wrapped around her throat, a purple stone in the center of it marked her as an obsidian place slave. Cold metal chains connected her hands, allowing them only about a foot of distance apart.

The obsidian palace was a jagged spire that towered over the smoke clouds. Nobody really knew how far up it went. Well, nobody but noob saibot, keeper of time, ruler of existence and bringer of death. He was the cruel shadow whose fowl touch defiled the world, turning it grey and dead.

It was he who controlled the immortal servants, or “blank souls” as the slaves called them. Blank souls were husk, vessels that carried out the dark lords will. They were each hand chosen by the lord at seemingly random. Nobody was really sure WHY he chose who he chose, but he was always very sure about his choices.

One thing was sure however, once you were chosen, there was no argument or revolt. Your soul belonged to HIM. When somebody was chosen, they disappeared for MONTHES and when they returned, they weren’t the same. Milky eyes, pale skin, no emotional connection to their friends and family.

“You! Girl! Come with me.” A cold voice came from behind her.

Turning around, she was met with a blank soul. He wore red and yellow robes, silver armor plated his legs and arms. A black hood shrouded his upper face, his dead milky eyes seemed to glow in the shadows. An armored mask hid whatever expression he had to offer.

S/o bowed her head, as everyone had to do when a blank soul addressed them. She didn’t waste a second, abandoning her cleaning supplies and wordlessy following the blank soul out of the room, leaving behind the other blank soul who just stood there, waiting for the next slave shift to start.

The slave was led down the hall to the center staircase that traveled from the dungeons below, all the way up to the tip of the tower, the throne room.

S/o had never been past the thirty fourth floor in the hundred story tower. Only blank souls were permitted to travel to the top ten floors. A few slaves were permitted to cleanse the rooms in the top ten floors, but the ones who did never returned. Most assumed that the ruler of time forced them to live up there as well.

Cold obsidian tile made her bare feet ache as they climbed the stairs upwards. S/o didn’t dare gaze at the man beside her. His footsteps were silent, undetectable to the ear as he went.

After about twenty minutes of climbing, the blank soul halted. The symbols carved into a metal plate showed the number ninety nine. “Bow when your god addresses you. To disrespect noob saibot is to willingly submit yourself to the worst punishment imaginable.”

S/o nodded her head in the most boot licking of ways. The blank soul observed her for a second before starting to walk up the stairs again. There it was, floor one hundred.

The icy fear that repeatedly stabbed her with each rapid heartbeat was almost debilitating as she stepped into the open space.

It was a plain room, pillars only decorated with the symbol of the shadow empire, and a single long rug running from the stairs to the… throne.

Dark jagged crystals spurred upwards in such unnatural ways, at the end of the highest tip lay a skull with a single thick strip of gold plating at the top. Sitting on the throne was him.

The god of all. Killer of all. Noob Saibot, ruler of the shadow empire. S/o threw herself to her knees as the blank soul led her to the shadow shrouded emperor. “Slave.” His voice shook her to her very core. “Did it offer any resistance during retrieval, Hanzo?”

“None at all. She is ready to fulfill her duties.” The blank soul, ‘Hanzo’ responded. The king nodded, the light seemed to drain from the air around him. Without another word, hanzo exited the throne room, heading down a dark hallway behind the throne. S/o was now at the mercy of a tyrant god.

The atmosphere thickened, s/o felt her body shake in her submissive form. All four limbs touched the ground, her lips almost kissed the carpet below. She didn’t dare look up.

“Slave, you have been bestowed the greatest honor of personally serving me.” Something in his voice held a sort of… interest? S/o couldn’t detect any facial expressions due to his head being covered in a helmet, as well as a dark vail.

The slave couldn’t find words that she deemed usable in his presence. She was too terrified to even think. “Unless my generosity doesn’t interest you?”

The dark edge to his voice made s/o want to burst out in tears and beg for her life. “N-no! Thank you so much for even considering giving somebody such as myself any thought! I swear, I will not disappoint you, my lord!”

“I know.” He said simply. “Kuai Liang! Escort it to its new quarters and explain its new purpose to its empire.”

A figure was suddenly behind her, s/o was pulled to her feet by her elbow. She was met by a blue clad blank soul. ‘Kuai Liang’ didn’t say a word as he took hold of her chains and led her to the spiral staircase. S/o could feel the lords gaze boring into her back as she left.

Kuai Liang led her down the stairs, his rough voice echoed through the quiet environment. “You will be given your own quarters on the ninety first floor. You will wake up everyday at exactly five in the morning, you will clean floors ninety-one through ninety-five. At twelve, you will be permitted to eat.” He explained. “At one, you will resume your cleaning, the ninety sixth floor and the one hundredth floor, as well as every floor in between.”

The two of them stopped at the ninety first floor. It looked to be some sort of dining hall. Blank souls littered the area, some were eating, others simply sat around and… socialized? S/o was dumbfounded, the slaves had always assumed that blank souls were nothing but empty husks yet, here they were, laughing and joking.

She didn’t have time to gawk before she was dragged past the large dining hall to a simply lit hall. There were a multitude of doors lining it, a few were open to reveal blank souls casually in their rooms. S/o and Kuai Liang stopped at the end of the hall.

“This will be your new quarters. Inside you will find everything you will require, as well as your new uniform.” He stated, opening the door.

“A new… uniform?” She asked, confused.

“You are now a personal slave to the king and his warriors, you are expected not to look like a common rat.” He growled. “You are now held to higher standards, failure to complete your duties within the desired time range will result in your immediate termination and replacement.”

She swore she saw his face soften for only a moment when he saw the look of hopeless fear of her face. “As a personal slave you are also entitled to certain privileges. No warrior can take it upon themselves to punish you without express permission from the lord of darkness. No warrior may harass you in any way.” He continued, “after all your daily duties are done, you are free to roam the top ten floors, as long as you do not disturb any warriors.”

He gestured to her room, allowing her to slip past him to inspect it. “You are free to explore for the rest of today. Tomorrow you will be assigned a warrior to make sure that your expectations are met.” Without another word, Kuai Liang was gone.

S/o was left alone. She collapsed into the soft bed, staring up at the ceiling, debating whether to cry or smile. She had been within spitting distance of the man who she despised above all else. The man who had caused so much ruin and heartbreak. The man who she now had the opportunity to kill...

Part 2

[my-mt-heart]

Thoughts on the Carol Peletier Origin Story

Saving the best character for last? Good call. What's not a good call? Making the episode available at whatever random ass time AMC+ feels like it. Don't they know I'm on a tight schedule? For that reason, this is all probably going to sound more like a steady stream of consciousness than anything else, so I apologize. 

Carol's story noticeably (and understandably) focused heavily on her transformation from a meek caregiver to a warrior. It gave us insight into every different "version" of her, hitting every pivotal moment from the abuse she suffered with Ed, to losing her daughter, to killing Karen and David, then Lizzie, and all the way to getting revenge on Alpha. I could go into detail, but I think we're all familiar with the journey, and how much it's rooted in the "attempt to heal her pain," while at the same time that pain serves to "light a fire in her" (great imagery there) and ultimately help her grow. 

One thing that having it all laid out did make much clearer is that every -- let's say controversial -- decision Carol has had to make is grounded in her belief in "the greater good." We see how she employs rationality that no other character would in order to help the people she loves, which in my opinion is one of the qualities that makes her so valuable and admirable. That being said, I do equally appreciate how that's complicated by unforeseen consequences such as Rick banishing her and Connie and Magna getting trapped in the cave. Even if she thinks she's doing the right thing, even if she ultimately is doing the right thing, she has to think about who's getting hurt in the process and if it's all worth it. That seems to be the lesson she landed on by the end of Season 10. Just like Daryl has to overcome the hero complex that has been at his core since early on, I believe Carol will also spend season 11 learning how to better negotiate between her drive to make the choices only she can make and wanting to work as a team with the people she's ultimately trying to protect. 

Speaking of Daryl, this episode was far less attentive to the major role he played in shaping Carol's journey. His presence felt largely diminished all the way up until season 10, which is a bummer, but there were a couple parallels I did enjoy. First of all, I liked when Melissa said "Daryl is there to hold her up" when Sophia walks out of the barn because if you'll recall, it beautifully mirrors what Norman says in his episode about Daryl not being one "to hold people" while we see him in fact holding Carol. 

Something that also struck me was the idea of Carol trying to toughen up Lizzie the way she never got to with Sophia. The implication is that she's getting a second chance to raise her daughter, while at the very same time, Daryl is with Beth, aka his second chance to save Sophia. Sidenote: I definitely need to go back and rewatch 4B because I feel like there are so many connections between Daryl and Carol while they're separated.  

Obviously, her relationship with Ezekiel was a talking point, but nothing about it really raised an eyebrow for me. Just thought I'd mention that in case anyone was curious. I wasn't expecting Carol's relationship with Lydia to get any focus, but it actually did highlight the complexity of their situation which I believe is going to blossom into a much-needed friendship in season 11. I can't wait for that. 

Now. That sneak peek. Wow. I'm probably going to have to talk about it more in detail later, but guys. Seeing Daryl and Carol work together as a team is what I've been craving for so long! I'm so excited to see how the full scene plays out, but I love the idea of Carol being a badass while Daryl covers her. The tension is thick the whole time. Who noticed the lingering look they gave each other after she's pulled back up and she hands him his knife? Damn. Theories are starting to brew. I can't help it. 

[emwritesstuff]

as the world caves in | ch. 6 | bucky barnes x reader

synopsis: You are a ghost story. A former Air Force pilot who had her plane shot down by Germany in 1945, but here you were in 2023, alive and frozen in your 25-year-old body.

You haven’t seen Bucky since the 1940’s, before his fall, before you went on a suicide mission only to come back alive. You aren’t sure reliving those memories – and being a living memory of everything the man has lost – is the best for him.

But you and Bucky won’t be apart for long.  

This will loosely follow the plot of TFATWS - so spoilers ahead, specially regarding episode four. Thread carefully!

masterlist | AO3

notes: The following chapter is finally here! It took me a while to revise it because I wanted the action scenes to not suck super badly, so yeah. 

(warnings: mentions of death, gunshots, blood, injuries) (word count: 3K)

six: shield

You sat next to Sam as he typed in a computer and Helmut Zemo nursed his headache. Once he gained consciousness, he’d showered you in gratitude and niceties, and you were already close to knocking him out yourself.

T-minus what, four hours? The Dora Milaje would be there soon enough.

It’s he the one to break the comfortable silence, only filled by the soft clicking of Sam’s keyboard before.

“Were you ever offered it?”

“What?”

“The serum.”

“No.” Sam said, raising an eyebrow at you with an amused expression. You shrugged.

“If you had been, hypothetically, that is, would you have taken it?”

Sam’s mouth turned down, and he slowly turned to Zemo.

“No.”

“No hesitation, that’s impressive.”

You got up from the table, making a round so you could watch Zemo’s face as he spoke. He’d seen you usher Karli Morgenthau out of the factory basement, and you wondered what he had made of your actions.

“Sam, you can’t hold out hope for Karli.” His eyes met yours as he said that, and you looked away, circling a pillar and walking to be on the other side of the couch, by his feet. “No matter what you saw in her, she’s gone.”

You sighed. “You talk in absolutes. People aren’t like that, Zemo.”

He studied you again.

“And we cannot allow that she and her acolytes become yet another faction of gods amongst people. Super Soldiers cannot be allowed to exist.”

Zemo spoke with such conviction that you were sure you’d be also be harboring a bullet if he knew who, and what, you were.

“Isn’t that how gods talk? And if that’s how you feel, what about Bucky?” Sam’s eyes flitted to you, and you offered him a tight smile. “Blood isn’t always the solution.”

When Steve had talked to you about handing over the shield for the first time you were doubtful. He was grieving the loss of his own time – your time, too – and second-guessing his own claim to it.

You never stopped believing in Steve when he did. You and Bucky were war. Steve was… the end of it. And not just because of the serum. He was that since you all were small and scrawny, him a little scrawnier and a little smaller, as he stopped you and Bucky from butting heads.

For Steve, you, and Bucky as well, that shield meant everything. It meant the salvation of the world from true evil, that in the 1940’s was personified in the form of a little man with a moustache. Whoever carried it carried the responsibility of being the harbinger of that freedom. Of relief, justice, and most of all... hope.

So when Steve talked to you about handing over the shield a second time, this time to capable hands instead of a glass dome, you understood – it was time to pass the mantle to someone who was, indeed, a new beacon of hope.

Safe to say, the fact that John Walker now carried the shield you put so much importance into felt wrong.

“Something’s not right about Walker.” Bucky strolled in, seemingly in a sour mood. You chuckled, and watched as he discarded his things on the counter.

“You don’t say.”

“Well, I know a crazy when I see one. Because I am crazy.”

“Can’t argue with that.” Sam quipped, and you patted his shoulder affectionately when you walked past him to get Bucky to make you a drink too.

You swiped his jacket off the counter and hanged it neatly on the back of one of the barstools. Bucky licked his lips and shook his head as you mouthed ragamuffin at him.

“Pour me one.”

“Can you hold your liquor now, sugar?”

You narrowed your eyes at him and grabbed the glass he had fixed for himself.

“Now you pour yourself one.” You took a sip, smiling into the glass.

Bucky glared at Sam. “Shouldn’t have given him the shield.”

You shot Bucky a disapproving look. He raised his eyes briefly at you while pouring his drink, and shrugged.

“Buck—”

“I didn’t give him the shield.”

“Well Steve definitely didn’t.”

“James Barnes!” Goddamn Bucky and his hard-headed self.

Bucky looked at you like he used to look at his mother, wide eyed, like he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. It only lasted for a second, his bewilderment falling into a scowl right after. Behind you, Sam chuckled.

You shook your head at Bucky, but you had no time to fall into an argument. The one and only John Walker and Lemar Hoskins were bursting in, demanding to take Zemo. Ordering, really.

“Hey, slow your roll.”  Sam said firmly. “Man, let’s be clear. Shield or no shield, the only thing you’re runnin’ in here is your mouth.”

You bottomed up your whiskey, knowing whatever was to come couldn’t be good.

“Now, I had Karli and you overstepped. He’s actually proven himself useful today. And we’re gonna need all hands on deck for whatever’s coming next.”

Walker challenged Sam next. He looked eager and ready for a fight, and as much as you’d loved to keep your real abilities hidden, you figured your time out of the spotlight was running out. Bucky looked at you from the corner of his eye, relaxed stance contrasting with the tightness of his jaw. Zemo paced behind Sam, still clutching his own drink.

The moment Walker put down the shield an iron spear cut the air and lodged itself into the pilaster, separating him and Sam.

No, not iron. Vibranium.

The Dora Milaje.

“Even if he is a means to your end… Time’s up.” Ayo announced in Xhosa. You grimaced.

You sighed heavily when John decides to one-up them, too. Ayo swings the spear at his arm when he touches his shoulder and a fight breaks out. You reached for the liquor again.

There wasn’t enough alcohol in the world.

The fight was only Walker and Hoskins getting absolutely overpowered by the warriors while you, Bucky, Sam and Zemo stayed out of it.

“We should do something.”

You swirled your drink, taking a small sip. “I am. I’m observing.”

“Looking strong, John!” Bucky shouted, making you have to hide a snort. Sam exhaled heavily.

“Such a diplomat, you. Bucky…”

“I’m a lot of things, Samuel.” You shrugged, but finished your drink anyways and hiked up your sleeves.

You, Bucky and Sam all ran to take one of the Doras each. As one kicked Hoskins to the couch you stepped in front of him, blocking the hit of her spear with your forearm.

You met her eyes and tilted your head apologetically. When she raised her weapon again you twisted your body and landed a back kick to her middle.

She staggered back a couple of steps but was back at you in an instant.

Hit. Block. Kick. Another hit to your shoulder.

Even if the fight was fairly balanced, Super Soldier against Dora Milaje, you knew you had a slim chance of actually winning. You hadn’t been in a fight in years, much less with someone this capable and trained.

After blocking another of your strikes with her spear, she hit the side of your left knee. It’s your bad one.

East Berlin, 1987. You had been undercover for nearly two weeks now, tracking a lead about the existence of a HYDRA lab that was conducting experiments with new Super Soldiers.

The wind that cut through the rooftop of the building you stood on testing the very limits of the overcoat you wore on top of your tactical suit.  So damn cold. You tried not to dwell on how frigid your toes were inside of your boots, instead concentrating on watching the sun slip behind the skyline.

You were waiting on a man that would give you the next lead. Intel said he would be there before you, but he wasn’t when you got there. 10 minutes had gone past the accorded meeting time, and you were starting to think that no one was coming.

A bullet ricocheted on the concrete pillar you were stood behind, and you realized why S.H.I.E.L.D.’s contact was running late. You grabbed your own pistol, still hidden by the concrete, and peeked in the direction the shot had come from.

A man and a woman, in full leather. You saw the red star etched on their left arms as they marched towards you. HYDRA.

You had two exit options, one that was across the rooftop or jumping down into River Spree. Either way, you’d have to deal with the two HYDRA agents that approached you.

You ran to another pillar, shooting at them. You hit the woman on the leg, and she buckled down. Her counterpart didn’t even spare her a look, continuing his way to you. You kept shooting, missing a few and landing the rest on the both of them, the guy barely flinching.

You didn’t understand why he wasn’t using his own gun. Maybe he didn’t feel the need for one.

There was no time for thinking. The man was onto you; swatting your gun away, blocking your punch, hitting your chest. You crashed into concrete.

The woman joined in, landing a hard blow to the side of your skull. Your eyes widened. They were just as strong as you.

Super Soldiers.

You crawled away from them, hand swatting at your leg for your knife. It landed in the woman’s throat with a squelch. One down.

The man was much stronger it seemed, you barely able to keep the fight balanced even with another of your knives. You cut and ripped, but it was like your blade was a feather on his skin.

He backed you up until the edge of the building. You could see the river below.

You groaned when he headbutted you, and you go stumbling down. The blood was hot against your face and metallic on your lips.

He stomped on your knee. Again. And again. You choked on your own agony.

His voice was all you heard before he kicked you off the ledge. You plunged into the freezing air.

Hail HYDRA.

Familiar pain laced through you, making your hairs stand on end. You cried out, nearly tumbling straight to the ground.

The clank of metal hitting the ground and a spear shot at the direction of the shield ended the fight. Bucky’s vibranium arm laid limp and detached on the ground, his expression even more perplexed than when you had scolded him earlier.

You straightened yourself up as the pain subsided. Ayo opened the doors to an empty bathroom.

Zemo. He has slipped right through your fingers while you were busy defending John Walker’s ass from the Dora Milaje.

You helped Sam to his feet as they were leaving, Ayo giving you one last stern look before leading the way out. It felt like a reminder of a debt.

“Did you know they could do that?” Sam said, looking at a limbless Bucky. The arm seemed to snap back into the right place, thank goodness for that. A failsafe, then.

“No.” Bucky rotated his arm, an indecipherable expression on his face, even for your standards.

The room was filled with tension as the three of you gathered yourselves again and John Walker sat defeated on the ground, with only Lemar to check up on him. You walked past them to get inside the bathroom, frowning at the drainage hole Zemo had made his escape through.

“I can’t believe he pulled an El Chapo,” Sam murmured.

“I can.” Bucky clenched his jaw. “Come on.”

Bucky led you through the backstreet and to the back of the building, though you weren’t sure exactly what you were looking for. A lead, maybe, but neither of you knew if Zemo had made his way all the way to the underground or escaped to the streets once he was out.

“You okay? You got hit pretty bad back there.” Sam said, looking at you. You all had taken a decent beating, but the hit to your leg had taken you by surprise. Bucky frowned.

“I’m good.” Bucky frowned deeper, and you shook your head at him, clapping Sam on the shoulder. “I got a bad knee, it’s all. Replacement cap and everything.”

Sam laughed.

“You’re 106 and have a prosthetic kneecap? Wow, you’re starting to sound your age.”

“You know what, Wilson? I think you should respect your elders.”

Sam raised his hands, still laughing. “Okay, okay. But only ‘cause I saw you kicking ass back there. Girl, where the hell have you been?”

Bucky grumbled something, and threw an arm around your shoulders.

“Retired.”

You patted his cheek lovingly, and laughed a little when you caught him fighting a smile. Sam got ahead of you, sending you a look of mischief and wiggling his eyebrows.

You urged Bucky forward, earning a huff from him as you got to Sam’s side.

Compartmentalizing was necessary. Zemo was on the loose, Walker was verging on unhinged, and there was still Karli to deal with. Whatever was going on with you and Bucky – and the insistent feeling that tugged on your heartstrings whenever you looked at him – would have to wait.

You listened to Sam’s conversation on the phone, his tone growing more concerned at every pause. Sarah. Overnight bag. Take the boys.

“What happened?” Bucky asked and you slipped from under his arm.

“Karli called Sarah. She threatened my nephews.”

Shit.

“Sam, I got a safehouse in New Orleans.” You said once he hung up. He nodded at you, and you took his phone to get his sister’s contact.

Karli was entering dangerous territory. Before, you considered her a fighter on a rightful cause, but as if predicted by Zemo, she was escalating. You feared that it was a fight you couldn’t let her win, or run free.

“Karli wants to meet. She left a contact number.” Sam’s phone chimed. “She said come alone.”

“I’m comin’ with you.” Bucky looked at you. “We are.”

“Let’s gear up, boys.”

---

You were grateful you had kept your old tactical suit inside your closet for a rainy day.

The suit was carbon black, except for the blue-grey Kevlar plating on your chest, back and upper legs. It had a faint resemblance to an armor, and the amount of impact it could absorb made you protected and difficult to take down. You completed your gear with your trusty boots and hidden knives.

Sam had changed into his wings and Bucky into his peculiar one-armed leathers.

“Damn, you look cool.”

A laugh escaped your lips. “So do you, Sam.”

Bucky cleared his throat. “We should go.”

The sky was cloudy and the air dry, and still you could feel a storm coming. You walked into the empty building, you and Bucky tailing Sam.

“Karli!”

The redhead revealed herself, standing on the second floor. Sam went to talk to her, leaving you to watch them from a distance.

Karli looked at you and Bucky there, her eyes lingering on you for a few seconds more. You realized how menacing you must have looked, the three of you in full gear, and you wondered if Bucky felt as strange about your rigid stance as you did about his.

The two of you really had changed.

“I was gonna ask you to join me. Or do the world a favor and let me go.”

If only things were that easy.

Sam looked at the screen on his wrist and turned to you in alarm.

“It’s Walker.”

A trap. Bucky was the first to leap to the ground, colliding with Karli in the process. You and Sam landed at the same time, and you hoisted Bucky up while Sam clashed with the girl.

He sent Karli to the ground with a flying kick.

“I’ll send you the location, go!”

You and Bucky leapt into the street and broke into a fast sprint as Sam took off.

“You’re fast!”

You looked to your side at Bucky, smirking. He was just a little behind you.

“I’m lighter!”

“No fair!”

“You have a metal arm!”

Bucky led you to the location Sam had sent him. Riga had plenty of empty buildings, it seemed. You were running up the stairs when a Flag Smasher jumped on you, then another on Bucky.

The guy and you dragged yourselves all the way to the top, exchanging punches. You saw his eyes widen under the mask when you landed a boot on his chest and he went flying backwards.

Taking the free time you had bought yourself, you searched for Bucky below you. As soon as you found him the Flag Smasher tackled you, hoisting your body up. You hit his shoulder blade with your elbow and he bumped into the railing, quickly turning and hanging you over the edge.

“Y/N!”

Bucky was upside down. No, that was you.

He reached for you as the other Flag Smasher had him locked in a rear choke.

“I’ve got this!”

Tightening your legs around the man, you let yourself fall, taking him with you. You crash at the bottom of the building.

“You said you had this!”

Bucky jumped to your level.

“I do!”

You stared at his scowl for a brief second before roundhouse kicking your foe and finally putting him down.

Bucky returned to you after dealing with his own Flag Smasher. He looked furious.

“You’re so fucking reckless!”

Oh, Jesus H. Christ. You couldn’t believe Bucky, wanting to argue.

“I am fine! It wasn’t that high.” You huffed. “We have no time for this, James. Let’s go.”

You ran to the top of the building, Bucky trailing behind you. He caught a flying knife right before it lodged itself on your face. He glowered at you as if to say you don’t got this.

Not sparing him a response, you busy yourself with fighting another of the Flag Smashers, this time a woman. It was like all you needed was a little warming up, because you’re clearly in advantage as you blocked her punches and grabbed her torso, slamming her into the ground next.

You looked up. John Walker was staring at you.

He didn’t have much time to dwell on whatever he saw, one of the men coming from behind and immobilizing him.

Karli screamed as she ran towards Walker. She was in it for the kill. Hoskins tackled her before she could do it. All you could make out was the blur of an altercation.

Lemar Hoskins slammed into a pillar with a crack.

Your stomach churned.

Everything stilled as Walker ran to his partner, desperately trying to get him to wake up. He slumped sideways, his head lolled down.

He was dead.

Karli and her group took advantage of the tumult and ran, her shooting one last look at the rest of you as they took off. You couldn’t let her get away this time, though, so you immediately go into pursuit.

You shot one look behind you, seeing Bucky and Sam follow you as you whizzed through the streets of Riga. You’re the first to get to the square, making your way to the middle of the crowd hastily.

Walker stoop upright, holding the shield over the body of one of the unmasked Flag Smashers.

It was broad daylight; there were dozens of people around you.

The city was silent.

He was dead.

[bustyasianbeautiespod]

Episode 40 Transcript: it ony a movie

[intro guitar music]

G: Hello, my name is Grey.

C: And my name is Crystal.

G: And this is Busty Asian Beauties, the Supernatural commentary podcast where I, someone who has seen this show several times...

C: And I, someone who knows the show from social media, discuss every single episode of Supernatural from start to finish. Also, we're both Asian.

G: Both Asian!

For today's episode, we'll be discussing Season 2, Episode 18: "Hollywood Babylon," written by Ben Edlund-

C: Bedlund.

G: - directed by Phil Sgriccia.

C: Ugh, I hate Ben Edlund.

G: What? Why? According to Crystal, this is allegedly a bad episode, but...

C: Okay, he clearly despises Sam.

G: That is true. Sam literally has one-

C: Between this and "Nightshifter"? Like, Sam shows up and he's like, "I've been working the case. I broke into the morgue." And the whole time, all we've seen is Dean wearing headphones. You know? [laughs]

G: It's so funny because Sam literally has one good line this entire episode.

C: [laughing] But it's the best line of the episode.

G: That's true. He gave Sam the best line and then dipped. [laughs]

C: Yeah.

G: Okay, just before we do our usual thing, I want to say, this is episode 18 of season 2.

C: [laughing] I would love to have some plot related to season 2 here. That'd be great to see. [G laughs]

G: I mean, it makes sense, back in season one, when, you know, the entire plot of the show is like, "we're waiting for John to appear."

C: [laughs] Yeah.

G: For John to appear in the last few episodes. But even then, they were building up to it in some way in the episodes prior.

C: Mm-hmm.

G: This one, it really feels like, when the plot hits, it's gonna be so out of the fucking blue.

C: Yeah.

G: So.

C: Where's Ava? Ava's been missing since-

G: Yeah!

C: For how long has Ava been missing?

G: I have no idea.

C: She's been missing since episode 10? They looked for her for a bit and then they were like, "Eh."

G: Literally, they do not care about Ava at this point anymore at all. They just accepted that she's fucking dead or something.

C: I guess so. Bring Ava back. Also, Max- where's Max Miller? Weren't they gonna like- no, not Max Miller. Andy. That guy. He has a name. Weren't they gonna keep an eye on him? Where is he?

G: It's weird. Because they front-loaded the plot, right?

C: Yeah!

G: And then they had their reveal that like, Dean was bound to kills Sam or something. And then after that, nothing. [laughs] Like, nothing has happened. All they've done is like, allude to the fact that Dean has to kill Sam. And then, nothing else. It's just- come on. Can we go back to the plot, please? Can we get back to the plot?

C: Right. There part where Sam's gonna become like, a warrior for Hell or whatever, like, are you all not looking into that? I thought Ellen was gonna look into that. Aren't you fighting a war? What happened to the war? [G laughs]

G: It's so funny! Because Meg comes back and she's like, "Nah, this is not plot-relevant. [C laughing] Like, don't even think about it."

C: Yeah. "If you think for a fucking second that we're going to do overarching plot anytime before episode goddamn 20 of this 22 episode season, you are a clown and a jokester. This is purely for personal reasons."

G: Exactly. Especially during this episode, it hit me so hard that, like, the purpose of a TV show, first and foremost, especially during this time of the making of a TV show, is to fill up time in television. [both laughing]

C: Yeah. Right. It's to create breaks from the ads.

G: Exactly. And it's so felt in this episode and probably this entire season as well. Like, this is all to fill up time. [laughing] Nobody here is telling a story. [both laughing] Well, I mean, some people are telling stories. I think there's there's a story that's happening and I quite like it, but it's very sparse, you know?

Anyway, so now that that's done, Crystal, what did you know about this episode before you watched it?

C: I knew that there was a case taking place on a film set and that they were undercover and that Dean was going to work as a PA and have his little headset on and generally seem to like his job there. And then I knew about the ending shot where they're like, walking off into the sunset but it's like, a set piece because it's been used in a lot of AMVs.

G: Yeah.

G: I mean, you know, about the montage, right?

C: Yes, I know about the montage.

G: You may or may not know this, but like, in season 15 episode 19 there's a montage, right?

C: Yes.

G: It's like, at the end of the plot part of the episode, they're like, "Okay, let's do a montage before the actual finale." And the montage ends- well, does it end with this?

C: Oh.

G: Or is it the trailer for the next episode ends with this? And like, I remember this-

C: Sunset shot?

G: It ends with the sunset shot, yeah.

C: Ooh.

G: And I remember a lot of hubbub about like, "Why are they doing this? Are they going meta for the last episode?" Like, you know, like, "Are they gonna- whatever?" Like, they're walking into a sunset, but it's a fake sunset and it's like, not actually a happy ending. And there's like, a lot of hubbub about that. And then the last episode aired, and everyone was like, "Fuck it! Who cares." [both laughing]

C: I mean, they're right, it wasn't actually a happy ending.

G: [laughing] I mean, they're right, but like, who fucking cares?

C: I mean, happy for me a little bit maybe, but. [both laugh]

G: Literally, I hate Supernatural's ending so much it's unreal. [C laughs] But now that that's the- [laughs] Let's get into the actual episode.

-

G: So we start in a house, and there's a woman, and she's walking around with a flashlight, calling for her friends. It's, you know. A typical-

C: Did you know immediately that it was going to end with a director saying "Cut"?

G: I've watched this episode recently.

C: That's true.

G: Yeah. I don't even know. I think it was one of those things where I was bored and I was like, "Oh, hey friends, what should I watch- episode of Supernatural should I watch?" or something. And of course the Deangirls were like, "Watch 'Hollywood Babylon!'"

C: Boo.

G: And I did. So I know pretty much everything that happens in this episode beat for beat.

C: Okay, yeah. I knew immediately that it was gonna end in "cut," so I was just like, waiting. Like, stop drawing it out, you guys, like, we get it, like, you were making them bad actors on purpose, like, it's too clear already what you're planning to do at the end of this.

G: She's such a bad actor too, like, it's so fucking funny. [both laugh]

C: [laughing] Brodie's a way worse actor though. Every time, he was like, "I'm leaving!" and like, stomping his feet standing in the exact same place.

G: Exactly. But anyway, yeah, like Crystal said, it ends with a scream shot, and the camera is like, pointed at her face, and it's a filmset. And her screen is very bad. She's having a very tough time acting. And then the director goes, "Cut!" And then, you know, they cut. Anyway, some relevant things that happened in the scene - someone hands her water, and that guy is going to be relevant later. And the director is like, telling her to level up the screaming or whatever. So she goes to the side to practice her screaming some more, but before that, she ends up in conversation with this guy who is part of the sound set. And he's saying that "Oh, this place is creepy. I think the stage is haunted for realsies. [C laughs] And I get creeped out sometimes that, you know, someone's watching me." So all that shit. And then she's like, "Ha, isn't that so funny." Anyway, she goes out to the side to practice, and then she hears a noise. She looks up. The guy that she was talking to is on the ceiling then. [both laughing] In quite a brutal-looking shot, right?

C: Yeah, he's like, hanging from the rafters and like, dripping blood down. Like, he looks fucked up.

G: Exactly. And she screams this time, and her scream is better than her previous screams. And we go through the director in the distance who just hears this and assumes she's practicing and goes, "Now that's what I'm talking about!"

C: Yeah, though as we learn later, he probably didn't think that she was practicing.

G: Yeah, they were like, intentionally fucking with her head.

C: Yeah. In order to get more publicity. And also, I think the audio for the scream in the trailer for the movie we see letter is from that.

G: So they recorded it is what you're saying?

C: Yeah, so yeah, it was like, a setup so that they could get the audio and also get more publicity for the film.

G: Jesus.

C: What a fucked up thing to do.

G: Love that.

-

C: So we're at Warner Bros Studios, where Dean is on this trolley, taking a tour. And we hear like, a tour guide over the intercom talking, and Dean turns to his side and says, "Hey, do you know this is where they filmed Creep Show?" And you think it's Sam [both laughing], like he's just sitting with Sam, talking to him, but then the camera pans over, and he's talking to some poor, random kid eating an ice cream cone who's like, "Um, stranger danger!" and like, just looks at Dean weird.

G: [laughing] Later on, he says goodbye to the kid when he hops out of the car [C laughing], and he's like, he fully believes that he has made a friend.

C: [laughing] - that this kid is his best friend and he just let him go.

G: He fully believes that he has made a friend in the middle of this fucking town. And the kid is literally just out here eating ice cream. It's so funny.

C: God. Yeah. So, right, and then we have the tour guide say like, "Here's like, the setting for the TV show Gilmore Girls." And the camera cuts to Sam sitting in the row in front of Dean, and, you know, it's a joke about how Jared Padalecki used to play Dean on Gilmore Girls.

G: Haha.

C: Yeah. [G laughs] Haha. Right, because the tour guide continues, "If we're lucky, we might even catch one of the show's stars!"

G: Yeah. I mean, I don't know anything about Gilmore Girls other than the straight girls in my life watch it [C laughs], and they seem to be having fun, so, good for them!

C: Yeah, my coworker who said that she watched Supernatural in middle school-

G: [laughs] Watches Gilmore Girls?

C: Watches Gilmore Girls and enjoys it.

G: Is this the reason why she watched Gilmore Girls?

C: I don't think it's because of Jared Padalecki. I think it was just that Gilmore Girls is popular. Plus, I'm pretty sure Dean as a character in Gilmore Girls - and also in Supernatural - is a total dick, so like - and framed as one in Gilmore Girls - so I feel like you wouldn't- like, a Jared Padalecki fan would not follow that over, necessarily. Eh. I don't know. I don't understand the minds of Jared Padalecki fans. [G laughs]

Yeah, so Sam tells Dean that they should get off the tour and do some work, and he, like, hops off. And Dean's like, "Ugh, no, I want to finish the tour!" but then eventually does get off. And, as you mentioned [laughs], he says "bye" to the ice cream kid. [both laughing] Yeah. Dean thinks that Matt Damon is nearby, but Sam says that that's a janitor. Do you think Dean's, like, a Matt Damon fan? What was Matt Damon even in by 2007?

G: I have no idea.

C: Let me look at his IMDB page.

G: I looked up Matt Damon because I- is he a popular guy? All I know him from is the Mars movie.

C: Oh, yeah, The Martian, yeah. I think he's pretty well known because he was in Good Will Hunting -

G: Ohh.

C: - which is considered a classic.

G: Oh, okay, got it.

C: But the main thing I know him from is like, that, like, Great Wall movie [G laughing] where some white guy in China or whatever, and everyone being like, "I don't want this to exist. Shut up."

G: [laughs] Yeah, I have not seen that movie, but I have seen a comedy bit of that movie. From- what's his name? That guy who starred in the movie where it's like, Love Actually slash Die Hard, and it's called Love Hard.

C: Oh, fucking Jimmy O. Yang?

G: [laughing] Yeah!

C: Fuck that guy. [G laughing] God. Love Hard sucked. Let's make our outtake about how bad Love Hard was.

G: [laughing] I love Love Hard. Like, I love to watch it and hate on it. [both laughing] Literally, it's so funny.

C: So bad.

G: If you're a Ko-Fi subscriber of BABPod, the same day that we're releasing this episode, we're also gonna release [laughing] an outtake where we just dunk on Love Hard, so watch out for that.

C: "My dad is so manly! He won't understand that I make candles!" [both laughing]

C: So he was also in Ocean's 13, which is well-known, right? Well-known?

G: I only know the girl version of that one.

C: Yeah, same.

Yeah, whatever I think he's famous for something. Yeah, I think Dean wanted to fuck Matt Damon.

G: Good for him.

C: Yeah. So they go- okay, so Sam keeps pushing for them to do work stuff, and Dean keeps going that "I wanted to come to LA for vacation because of the swimming pools and movie stars," and Sam says, "This seem like swimming pool weather to you, Dean? I mean, it's practically Canadian."

G: Wait, hold on.

C: And of course, Supernatural films in Canada- what?

G: No, I get the joke is that they film in Canada so it's like, "haha," but like, isn't LA notoriously like, not rainy? Is-

C: Yeah, yeah, it's not rainy. It's very mild weather.

G: Oh, yeah. Hollywood is not a rainy place. [laughs] Yeah, I know that from fucking Good Mythical Morning of all places. [laughs]

C: Anyway, right, so I mean, this is like, the second meta joke so far, right?

G: Yeah. There's a lot of them.

C: Which makes sense given the content of this episode, yeah. Ben Edlund wanted to have some fun.

G: [laughs] Yeah.

C: Yeah, so Ben now attempts the only moment of emotional continuity in this episode. [both laugh]

G: I can't believe the last episode was "Heart." [C laughs] I literally cannot believe.

C: Ended on a single man tear and a gun shot, and now they're like, "Hi! Gilmore Girls tour time." God.

G: It's so funny because they do not show Sam at all this episode. Like, again, like he's really-

C: Right, he's not processing anything. He's just like, offscreen.

G: Literally. So he-

C: Yeah, his mourning of Maddy's death was not important to Dean's journey of eating Philly cheesesteak sliders.

So, yeah, Dean says, like, “I just figured that like, after everything that happened with Madison, you could use a little vacation." And Sam says, "Well, maybe I want to work because it keeps my mind off things." Yeah. And it also keeps him offscreen this entire episode.

G: Yeah! He's like, "I'm going to go to the morgue, I'm gonna do all this research," and it's so funny because, like, he has this thing where it's like, Dean is exploring the place, and, like, the whole point is that he doesn't find anything. And then he talks to Sam and Sam is like, “Oh, I found something, though." And it's like, why didn't you show us Sam, then?

C: Yeah!

G: He found something!

C: Yeah! Like, I know that morgue scenes are boring, but you have forced us through at least one morgue scene per episode since the beginning of this show, and now you think you're too good for them? [laughs] Like, Ben Edlund. Like, get over your Dean crush and just show us the case.

Yeah, so they talk about the case, the crew guy who died on set. Dean says, "It could be like the movie Poltergeist," which Sam doesn't know. And Dean says about that, "You know nothing of your cultural heritage." [both laugh] Alright.

G: So true.

C: So yeah, so apparently the set of Poltergeist was rumored to be cursed because they used real human bones as props. And they reveal that the name of the guy who died is Frank Jaffey, but they weren't able to find a death certificate or coroner's report. Like, he doesn't seem to be on the record. But the actress who found him said she saw a vanishing figure. Sam reveals that the actress's name is Tara Benchley, and Dean lights up because apparently she's a well known scream queen to him from Fear Dot Com and Ghost Ship. Yeah, he's a fan of her work. He says, "It's very good." It's not, though.

G: You know, the thing about Tara Benchley- I mean, we're going a bit out of order here, but they do have sex, right?

C: Yes.

G: I like that. Like, this is the one like, time at this point in the show where Dean interacts with a woman that he likes that I actually like, really enjoyed.

C: Yeah.

G: Because he approaches her and he's very shy, he's very timid. And then-

C: Mm-hm. Submissive. Breedable, even.

G: God- god! [both laughing] You just caught me at like, my natural habitat, like, reacting to the word "submissive and breedable." That's how I react to it every single time. But no, I was saying, like, he's shy, all that. And then at the end of the day, she didn't know that he saved her.

C: Yeah, exactly, yeah.

G: So there's no debt in that way. Like, she really did just sleep with him because- not because he's- I mean, he's kind of lying about who he is, but he is a PA at that point, right?

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: Like, he's not pretending to be a scout of reality TV shows or whatever. Like, he was a PA at that point, so he wasn't pretending to be anyone. And then they sleep together, and it's purely because she thought he was cute!

C: Yeah.

G: And I like that! Turns out, they can write women to be, you know, have sex with Dean Winchester without it being weird.

C: Yeah, agreed. Right, and also like, she's not his boss or anything either, so there's no bad power dynamic in the other direction. Like, she's more famous than him, but like, both of them are employees of the movie set, so like, yeah. It's cute and normal and fine.

G: Yeah! And when Dean shows up- I mean, we're going to it discuss it later, but I just want to say when Dean comes out of the trailer and his hair is all ruffled up, I legitimately went "Awwwwh!" His hair is all ruffled up. And, yeah. [laughing] That's my observation of Dean.

C: So true.

-

G: So they go into the movie set, and as they're hanging out, they see that there's this guy - his name is Brad - and he's- he's a director? Or he's the producer.

C: He's a studio executive. I don't know what that translates to like, in actual terms.

G: Yeah, people- I think he is a producer. 'Cause like, the guy calls him like, "a suit," so like, he's like, the type of guy who wears a suit in this kind of environment type of guy.

So he's talking to some of the guys who are doing the lighting [laughing]. And he's saying like, "Make it brighter!" And then the guys are like, "It's a horror show. It's a horror movie." And he's like, "Yeah, but it looks too drab. It looks too depressing. Why don't you just make it brighter? More colors." Which I suppose like, they're saying this because it's a reference to the fact that Supernatural at this point is very dark.

C: Yeah. [laughs] Well, the studio execs got what they wanted.

G: [laughs] They literally will get what they have asked for.

And yeah. At some point, Brad looks over to where Sam and Dean are, and he calls over "the guy with the green shirt," meaning Dean. And Dean's like, "What, me?" And then he asks for a smoothie from Kraft, and Dean's like, "You want a what from who?" And Sam comes in and is like, "No, he's just new here. We'll get you a smoothie. Smoothie coming right up!" He puts on that voice [laughing], and it's so funny. What the fuck do you mean "smoothie coming right up"?

C: Why did this guy decide that Dean was a PA and Sam was just hanging out?

G: I mean, I assume he assumed both of them are PAs, but it's not like you're going to call two PAs to grab you a smoothie, right?

C: Mm, yeah, I suppose so.

G: Yeah.

C: Does Dean not know what a smoothie is? [G laughs]

G: You think he doesn't know what a smoothie is? I'm sure he does. Because, like - at this point, Sam is still not a health nut, so I'm assuming he only knows like, milkshake-type smoothies, right? He's not aware of the fruit smoothie agenda yet.

C: [laughs] Yeah. Oh, god, my favorite meme is the "see you in hell, you stupid fruit" [G laughs], like, blender thing. And like, that showed up on November 5. It was so good. Anyway. Yeah, I guess Dean's not homophobic enough to make smoothies yet.

G: Yeah. So later on, we cut to Dean holding a tray of smoothies, and he's giving it out to like, you know, people passing by, etc. So Dean realizes that like, "Oh, I actually need to investigate at some point, right?" So he sets down the smoothie tray, and he gets out the EMF meter and starts creeping up the- what did you call this? The raf-? No, it's not.

C: I think the rafters are like, the top part, but the general thing is the scaffolding.

G: The scaffolding. Exactly. So he goes up the scaffolding, and suddenly, like, the lights dim and the crew starts recording. Like, they start filming. And what they're filming is Tara, who is, you know, the girl, the main character, reading off a book in Latin or in Enochian or, you know, just some language. They get into it a little bit later. But she's reading something off a book. And they're just goofing around on set and stuff. Meanwhile, Dean is up there inspecting the whole place, but there's no EMF anywhere, so he goes back down.

C: Yeah. Sam gets this update and he asks Dean, "How's the whole thing going?" And Dean says that being a PA here sucks but the snacks on set are great. [G laughs] He like, enthuses about like, a Philly cheesesteak slider, and he tries to give Sam one, but Sam gives him some judgmental look and is like, "Maybe later." I don't- like, Sam does a lot of judgment of Dean's eating in this episode.

G: I don't know why Ben Edlund- The thing is, this episode, you can pinpoint a lot of the things that they do with Sam and Dean in terms of food back to this episode. Like, there's a little bit of it in "Tall Tales"; there's a little bit of it in the episode where they dress up as priests, but like, it's really highlighted here. [laughing] It's basically the main point of the episode. [C laughs] It's really highlighted here. And it frustrates me that they made it this way, and it has emanated throughout the rest of the show.

C: Right. Like, it's weird. Like, I don't know-

G: Why is he so judgmental?

C: - why Sam is being so judgmental about Dean eating a sandwich-

G: Yeah!

C: - you know? Like, what is wrong with the situation? Like, it's food on set, and you eat it.

G: Yeah, and it's free, and he's allowed to get it. And I mean, it's more appropriate than the other past few times. Like, the other time it was like, "Oh, this guy's telling us that someone died here, and you're stuffing your face with nuts," [C laughs], and then the other time it's like, "We're literally at a funeral and you're eating off the plate like it's what you're here to do."

C: Right. But it's not-

G: But now the situation is like, the food is here to be eaten, and they're just on set, and like, just let him fucking eat!

C: Right, and it's like, they were both food insecure growing up, and I understand that, like, like, the general consensus is that Dean bore the brunt of that more than Sam did 'cause like, Dean would go hungry to give Sam food, but like, I feel like if you're growing up with someone, you notice that, and also, it's not like Sam was never food insecure and that there was- that Dean always got enough food for Sam even if he didn't eat himself, right? So like, this doesn't make sense.

G: Yeah. But alas. This is what we are given. And it is what will be shown throughout the rest of the fucking show.

C: Right.

G: Tough luck.

C: Right, like, they end up giving Sam his own food thing, which is... interesting how they go about it [G laughs], but oh well.

G: Yep. It sure is, but yeah.

C: So yeah, so Dean asks about Sam's research and yeah, they can't find anything on Frank Jaffey. And Walter shows up and takes a sandwich, and Dean says after Walter [laughing], "They're wonderful!" about the sandwich. So true.

And so, apparently, this filming area had four deaths in the past 80 years. Two suicides, two fatal accidents. So they're thinking vengeful spirit.

Tara walks by and Dean is like, "Okay, time to go over and talk and get her autograph or something."

G: Yeah.

C: Yeah, so he likes grabs some like, sheet of paper from a worker like, walking by and then he goes up to Tara, and he's like, "Oh, like, they missed you! Were you supposed to get one of these sheets of paper?" And-

G: He looks adorable. [laughs] Crystal is literally gonna kill me for this, but he looks- he looks adorbs.

C: He looks enthusiastic in a way that is- that could be read as endearing if you cared about him. [G laughing] [laughs] That is what I will say.

G: Literally Dean is cute when you care about him and not when you're not caring about him. So true.

C: Yeah.

G: He gives her the paper and he says, like, "I don't really know what I'm doing"- [laughing] He's so cute! - And then Tara says, like, "Oh, is it your first day?" And Dean's like, "Yeah, and I know it's gauche to say this, but I am a big fan of yours. Like, I loved you in Boogieman." And then Tara says, like, "Oh, god that was a terrible fucking script," that just confirms that Dean really loves to watch terrible movies.

C: Yeah.

G: I honestly support that. Because I'm currently at the stage in life where I only watch good movies, so what happens is, every time I watch a movie, it takes me like, three months to process it.

C: [laughs] Yeah.

G: So I don't watch any movie after that in the span of three months. I just dwell on the last one is all.

C: Yeah.

G: So yeah, I mean, if you're gonna watch movies more frequently, I'm assuming you're going to come across like, shit movies every now and then. And that's what Dean is doing.

Dean sees this as an entryway to talk about the case. So he asks like, "Oh, you saw the guy who died, right?" And she was like, "Yeah." And Dean exhibits some tact by saying, like, "Oh, I know you probably don't want to talk about it." [laughs] He's so cute. But she says, like, "I'm fine talking about it. It's just that no one else wants to talk about it because everyone thinks I'm going to have a nervous breakdown if they mention it around me. But it was a horrible thing because, like, blood was dripping out of his eyes and his mouth." And she says, like, she's positive that she saw something, a figure, and she doesn't know what it was, but she's sure that she saw it.

Eventually, this guy Walter approaches her and give her a drink, and she's like, "Oh, thank you, Walter," and this is like, the second time this happened so in your brain you're like, "Oh, this Walter guy's gonna be important, isn't he? He's gonna be the guy, isn't he?" So, fun stuff.

C: What I thought this whole time was, "This is a set full of white men, and I can't tell any of them apart or know what any of their jobs are."

G: They mention-

C: And when they revealed that Walter was the writer at the end and they're like, "Oh my god, Walter the PA?" I was like, "Who the fuck is that?"

G: It's so funny that he is like, literally a writer that like, got the rights to be on set, and he's acting as a PA for this woman. Like, come on, dude.

C: Yeah. He's an odd guy, as we will find out.

G: [laughing] God, what they did with Walter is so funny! Even thinking back to it, it's like absolutely fucking hilarious! And like- [laughs] whatever, we'll get into later. This entire episode is so funny.

C: Yeah.

G: Yeah, so eventually, Tara ends up showing Dean a picture that she took with the guy before the guy died. And Dean looks at it, and Dean says, "Son of a bitch."

C: Ooh.

G: Dun-dun-dun-dun.

-

C: So we show up at some house, which- Sam and Dean are knocking on the door. And some guy opens it, and Dean says, "Gerard St. James?" And this is the guy who we previously knew as Frank, and he's alive. So apparently, Dean recognizes him because he was Desert Soldier #4 in Metalstorm: The destruction of Jared-Syn. [laughs] So.

G: What a nerd.

C: What a nerd. Yeah. Dean's like, "Oh my god, I'm a huge fan. Like, you got hit by a tractor in Critters 3?" So yeah, like, this is like, a guy who plays like, practically extras roles, but Dan is a nerd, so he recognizes him.

So they come in the house, and Gerard explains that the producers brought him in for a day to play this Frank Jaffey guy to fake his death so that there'd be more publicity stirred up because people would be thinking the film set was haunted. He says, "They say I'm the new lonelygirl." What is lonelygirl?

G: You don't know who the lonelygirl is??

C: No.

G: Okay. Lonelygirl15 was an ARG that was like- So, like, at the beginning of YouTube, back in like, I guess 2005, so, like, someone was like, "You know what we could do? We could make this like, vlog series where this girl, called lonelygirl15, vlogs." I actually don't know much of the details, but I know- this is just a general gist. If you want to get into it, I don't know, fucking Google it or something. But they were like, "Let's make this vlog series where it looks like someone who is an actual person doing a vlog, but it's actually an actor who's pretending to be lonelygirl15." And it's like, there's like, a whole crew managing the vlogs and stuff. And it's like, it's very big in the ARG community because it's like, one of the first ones that really blasted through the Internet. Because it's like, a vlog, like, it's in video format.

C: Yeah.

G: Yeah. So yeah, he's the new lonelygirl. Because- do you even know what an ARG is? Or-

C: Uh, kind of. Not really. I mean it's like, it's sort of like, a game thing, right, where you like, try to find clues and shit, and like, they're hidden in various part of the Internet?

G: Yeah. Exactly, yeah.

C: Yeah.

G: Yeah. There was a time in my life, where I was like, not into ARGs as in into them like that, but like, I was into ARG YouTubers. Like, people who YouTube about ARGs, you know?

C: Oh, interesting.

G: And I was like, so that's how I learned about lonelygirl15. But I was actually shocked when they mentioned it in this episode because I didn't think of it as like, a big thing. As like, something that has permeated culture enough to be present in a Supernatural episode.

C: Yeah.

G: But apparently, it is.

C: Yeah, I mean Dean says, "Who?" So I feel like you're not supposed to understand the reference. I think Bedlund just threw it in 'cause he's aware of it.

G: Yeah. Do you think Sam knows who lonelygirl15 is?

C: Mm. Probably not.

G: Probably not.

C: What do you think Sam would watch on the internet?

G: [laughs] This is such an- I think Sam would watch like, conspiracy theories, but like, he would be on the comments section disproving every single thing the person is saying. [C laughing] Like, it'll be like, "Flat Earth Theory! Why the Earth is Flat." And then, like, in the comments section [C laughing], he just outlines like, a 1500 word, fully-referenced paper about why the earth is, in fact, not flat.

C: Yeah, no, that sounds exactly right. Do you think Sam gets in fights on Reddit? [G laughs]

G: He would never-

C: He's totally a Reddit guy.

G: Like, I know we have fics where Dean is like, on Reddit talking about Cas or something, which is, that's a fun concept. But you know what we need? We need, like, a Reddit fights that Sam has, and it's not even relevant to anything. There's no overarching plot. He just has fights with people. [both laugh]

C: It's his stress relief.

G: [laughing] This is his stress relief, exactly.

C: Good for him.

Yeah, so apparently, the ghost was like, projected on a screen. And Dean says that "What you did was kind of cruel," and Gerard says, "Hey, I just play the part. I don't write the script." And he tries to push like, one of his new gigs at them.

G: I thought that was going to be more relevant, but it's not at all.

C: Yeah.

G: Maybe they're just showing that guys who do this are like this or something.

C: Yeah, I think so. Apparently, you get a free pepper steak with the coupon, though. Like, I figured Dean would take him up on-

G: That's a good deal.

C: Yeah, that's good.

G: Literally get that fucking pepper steak.

C: Yeah. So, right, so they decide to start heading out. Who's Richard Moll? Is that a real guy? But basically, Dean just asks Gerard what it was like to work with some guy named Richard Moll.

G: Yeah. I am positive that there is a lot of references here that we can see as references and then we just don't understand. C: Yeah

G: And I'm positive that there's even more references here that we just don't catch like, at fucking all.

C: Uh-huh.

G: So I'm sure-

C: It doesn't matter.

G: [laughs] It doesn't matter to us because we don't care about it, but I'm sure someone is like, screaming at their phone right now, like, "It means blah-blah-blah! Why do you not know this?" And to that person, I say, "Don't email us." [laughing] We don't care. I'm sorry.

C: [laughing] Richard Moll voiced Two-Face in Batman: The Animated Series. [both laughing] [C screams]

G: Wasn't Jensen in Batman now or something?

C: Yeah, but most importantly, Misha Collins was going to play Two-Face in Gotham Knights until it got canceled, baby!

G: Oh my god. [laughs] It was canceled? Are you-

C: [laughs] There's rumors that it's been canceled.

G: Noo. But the Mishagirls are so excited!

C: Do not let that man- do not let that man get any jobs. Do not allow that man on the screen anymore.

G: You're so mean!

C: [laughs] So true. Cancel Gotham Knights.

G: I mean, I'm sure his book is selling well, so that's gonna be, like-

C: Oh my god, don't fucking even.

G: That's gonna be like, a year of-

C: We should do a Ko-Fi bonus of dramatic readings of his shitass poems.

G: No! He has some good poems!

C: Does he?

G: I hate that I'm becoming like, the Misha Collins like, fucking warrior in this podcast. But he has some poems that I like. Yeah. That's my hot take.

C: Yeah. Well, [laughing] I'm glad somebody somewhere is enjoying something. [G laughing]

G: Exactly.

C: Yep. So, right, so Gerard says that this guy was a gentleman, and then Dean's like, "OMG, yay, pepper steak," and they head out.

-

G: They head out and back in the film set.

C: Yeah. Every cut like, starts with like, a new scene from the movie, basically.

G: Yeah. So like, the scene starts, and there is a guy like, handling the audio. As they're doing the scene inside the house, the audio starts changing into something like, freaky. And then back to the guys, who are like, filming the stuff, the execs and the director and stuff, Brad, the guy who asked for the smoothie earlier, is now saying that he doesn't get the logic of the movie [laughs], because how can the demons hear them if they're in Hell? Do the demons have fucking super hearing? And then they were like, "Ugh, whatever. Maybe we should write a fucking explainer then." And so they do write an explainer [both laughing], and it's so funny. Because, remember in Supernatural when they were like, "Oh, yes, salt is like, purifying people." And Sam was saying this to Dean, and Dean literally has been doing this his entire fucking life. Like, come on, dude! Literally just put an explainer right in there.

So Brad, the guy, wanders off, right, and he's walking around. He's trying to call someone when somebody appears like, behind him. And it's this lady who looks very like- who looks very much like she just jumped right out of a black and white movie. So he's like, "Oh, well, that's weird. I quite like the makeup," and etc etc, "But your" - because she has like, scars on her neck. Like, wounds on her neck, or like, bruises and stuff. And he's saying to her that, like, "I like your makeup, but the bruises on your neck could be a little bit more red. I'll tell the makeup artist about that." So he fully believes that this ghost is just some rando on set like, in a makeup that is the most amazing you've ever seen on a person. [laughs]

C: Yeah.

G: And then he turns around, and she taps him, and then she disrobes.

C: Which was not necessary. Like, it was not needed.

G: She could have just given him like, bedroom eyes or something.

C: Yeah. Also, like, okay, he went up to the rafters after her. Like, he was like, "This woman wants to sleep with me on the ceiling of the set while we're filming"?

G: Yeah.

C: Like, I feel like she could've just done a "There's something wrong up here, like, I need to show you for the sake of the movie" or whatever, right? Like, it's not realistic to think that someone's telling you to have sex in the rafters while you're fucking filming the movie.

G: Also, like, I'm assuming the rest of her body is also gray.

C: Right. Right. They're like, "The makeup artist got your nipples too?" Like, alright, girl. [G laughs]

G: Exactly. But eventually, he goes up after her, and we cut back to the scene that they're filming, and now they're doing the explainer, like we said earlier. They're saying like, "Oh, how can they hear us from Hell?" And then some guy goes, "They must have super-hearing or something!" C: "They must have super-hearing!" [both laugh]

G: Literally, in Supernatural, the demons have super-hearing.

C: So true.

G: Anyway, just as they're doing that, a body crashes through the fucking ceiling. It's Brad. And he's dead.

G: Yep. RIP.

C: Hanging by a rope around his neck. F.

-

C: They're filming the movie again, and the jokes happening here are that they say that they need salt to fend off the spirits, and the actors are like, "I don't get it. Why would the spirits be afraid of salt?" Also, meanwhile, there's like, a little talk about Brad, who just died. And it's like, "It feels weird to be filming, even though, like, he killed himself on set." And Jay, one of the- the director? - is like, "He was just a studio guy. Whatever. We had a moment of silence for him at breakfast." [G laughs] I wonder how much of this is like, Ben Edlund's opinions about like, the workings of the Supernatural set coming through.

Right, so Tara’s like, asking about the salt thing. "Why would a ghost be afraid of salt?" Obviously, this is very funny to Dean. And then they're like, "What else would a ghost be afraid of? Maybe shotguns?" [both laugh] So true.

G: Shotguns with salt in them?

C: Perhaps?

And Walter says, watching this, "These people are idiots," and walks off. So yeah, I guess, this is so kind of a sign of what's to come. [G laughs] Dean says, "Walter's a little testy for a PA."

So Sam comes over to ask how it's going, and Dean only answers things about the movie, like, how Tara's really stepped up her performance. And Sam goes like, "Dean, like, I'm asking about the case. We don't really work here. And I thought you hated being a PA." And Dean says, “I don't know. It's not so bad. I kind of feel like part of the team, you know?" Aww!

G: That's so sweet.

C: Yeah.

G: That is so sweet. Although-

C: 'Cause he has worked like, alone or just with like, his dad or his brother, for his whole life. Like, he's not really had like, group settings before.

G: Yeah. This is like, such a big group too. Like, this is not just like, we're in a- there's like, five group team that you're working with. This is like, you know, like, a well-oiled machine, and then you put him in there, and it's like, "Oh, I like, being a part of the machine" like, type of guy.

C: Yeah.

G: It's pretty sweet. It's something to think about. I understand why the Deangirls like this episode as a Dean thesis statement.

C: Yeah, yeah. Like, did they really have to go back to hunting after this?

G: Yeah, just let him be there.

C: Just let him be there. We can get him some fake papers so he can like, get the paychecks actually, and then just let him be a PA! [G laughs]

So yeah. And also, he offers Sam a taquito, and he says, "They're wonderful," which is what he also said about the sliders, and that's kind of cute. But Sam does his judgmental thing again, which I don't get, but whatever, we already talked about how we don't get it. So Sam says that he conned his way into the morgue, which we didn't see at all [both laugh], because Ben Edlund hates Sam’s guts And yeah, Brad is like, definitely dead in there, so this isn't a Frank Jaffey situation.

G: All throughout this, they're doing this joke where Dean is like, not hearing Sam.

C: Yeah.

G: Because he keeps on talking to his headset, which I thought was pretty funny. Gets old a little bit later, but it's funny right now.

C: It is funny. Yeah.

So Dean says that he wants to show something to Sam and they go over to the sound guy, and he plays Sam the distortion that happened earlier. So it's EVP. Ghosts. Whoo.

G: Whoo.

C: So they decide to investigate where Brad died. Or no, the scene of the movie during which Brad died.

G: Yeah.

-

G: So they go to a fucking trailer. Whose trailer is this?

C: Yeah!

G: Later, they hang out here, and allegedly hang out there for six hours. Did you hear that? Six hours?

C: I did not- what?

G: 'Cause Sam is- Dean comes in and he's like, "Oh, have you seen anything else that's relevant in these tapes or something?" And Sam says, "Not for the past six hours."

C: OMG, no.

G: Why are they there? [laughing] It's been six hours! Whose trailer is this?

C: Maybe it's the trailer of one of the dead guys.

G: Exactly, perhaps so. Maybe it's Brad's trailer. Because it's fancy, too. It's nice.

C: Yeah.

G: They go inside the trailer, and they rewatch the scene of Brad falling through the ceiling. And, eventually, what they find is that there is a figure in the back from where Brad was, and Sam apparently recognizes this fucking blob of a figure [C laughs] and is like, "I know this person." And then they go see, and apparently, it's this woman named Elise Drummond who was like, a star back in the 30s. And she ended up killing herself inside this set because she became destitute after like, her executive boyfriend left her. So.

C: And fired her.

G: Yeah, fired her from her work. And that's their prime suspect now for who is doing the murders. So they go to burn her bones.

C: Yeah. They sure do.

-

C: So the next scene, it sort of cuts back and forth. So Sam and Dean are in some Hollywood cemetery trying to find Elise Drummond's grave. They see some fun-looking headstone. Dean's really enthused. And they reach it and start digging. Meanwhile, Jay, who's a producer, is alone on the set. And he's just on the phone being fake or whatever, but the lights eventually go out. So they seem to burn Elise, but this does not help Jay because there's a figure that passes by him even after the salting and burning. And he calls out to this figure and says, like, "Can you help me out and show me where the exit is?" And this guy turns around, and his face is fucked up. Like, part of his skull's missing and, like, there's stuff bulging out of it. So Jay screams, and then the fans on set turn on, and somehow have the strength to drag Jay into their wake. And then we got this fun shot where, when he hits the fan ,it cuts away to some white cloth-

G: [laughs] To some random-ass white cloth.

C: Yeah. We see red spraying all over it. Hell, yeah.

G: A detail you missed that I enjoyed is the fact that, because they're in Hollywood, the gravestones are of important people, some of them, right?

C: Oh, yeah.

G: So they have a map that they bought for $5, and like, that's why it was so easy for them to find the gravestone. Because they literally had a map. Which I thought was fun.

C: Yeah.

G: Do you think that's true? Have you ever been to LA?

C: I've been to LA but I haven't been to the Hollywood cemetery.

G: [laughs] Yeah, I presume so, but I imagine that to be true. I imagine there to be-

C: Yeah, that's probably accurate.

G: Yeah, anyway, eventually, we start a new scene, which means new scene from the movie. And this time, it's a fucking trailer.

C: It's so bad.

G: And I mean, it's so bad. It's such a good bad trailer. And one of the things that they were like, "From the makers of... Monster Truck." [both laughing]

C: Wait! Oh, god, was that- Did they use the same truck as the racist truck or-

G: Yeah! Yeah. Yeah. [C laughing] So that's extremely funny.

C: Oh, also we find out that this isn't- the shirts they've all been wearing are for the movie Hell Hazers. We find out that this is actually a sequel to Hell Hazers. It's [both] Hell Hazers 2: The Reckoning.

G: So true.

C: Yeah, it's very funny that like, they're like, "Oh my god, we summoned the ghosts... again? [laughing] And they're going to kill us... [both] again? I didn't know that reading this Latin incantation would summon the ghost again!" So true.

G: Yeah. Anyway, Sam and Dean figure out that like, Elise is now dead, so it must not be her, so these ghosts may be playing tag team, because what happened, the thing with the fan that happened, also happened to another guy before. Which is such a terrifying way to die.

C: Yeah, like, sorry, dude.

G: What a terrifying way to die. Yeah. So, eventually, so what happens is the director calls in everyone and is like, "Hey, everyone, come here. [laughs] I know that two people died on set, but we must do what they would have wanted in their last moments in life [C laughs]. And that is to get Hell Raisers: The Reckoning on screen all across America!" [both laughing] So true.

C: And Sam looks like, weirded out by this, and so does Dean for a second, and then Dean just starts clapping with everyone.

G: Yeah, everyone starts clapping, and Dean is like, "Woo, yeah yeah yeah!" And Sam is like, “What the fuck?" which is the appropriate response, by the way.

C: Yeah, no, but Dean's part of the team now.

G: He is part of the team.

C: He wants to get Hell Blazers 2: The Reckoning on screen all across America too.

G: Yeah. But the director is like, "Yeah, we need to get Hell Raisers all across America, but not today. Today, you guys are coming home because we need to take a break for a couple of days for the investigation. Bye-bye!" And so they go away.

C: Yep. So we cut to the trailer that they've commandeered, and Sam's watching over and over the scene where Tara's reading the Latin incantation that raises the demons or ghosts or whatever. And yeah, the electrician who died, Dean finds out that he was cremated so they can't really do anything. And Sam says that he's been here for the last six hours watching this, trying to figure out what's up. And then he says the best line ever in this episode. [both laugh] "You know, maybe the spirits are trying to shut down the movie because they think it sucks. 'Cause I mean, it kind of does." [laughs]

G: So true.

C: So true.

I love when Sam's bitchy. Because I feel like, I feel like with Dean, they always know how to make him fun by like, making him like, dorky or overenthusiastic or something. And then they make Sam so unfun by being judgmental about it for no good reason.

G: Yeah, so the only way they could make him fun is if he's snarky.

C: Yeah.

G: So when they do it right, they do it well.

C: Yes.

G: But they just don't do it often enough. But this scene was so funny. And it is the best line of the entire episode. Like, "Maybe they're trying to shut down the movie because it sucks. Because it kinda does." [both laugh]

C: God, he's so funny.

So Sam suddenly realizes that like, this Latin incantation is like, an actual like, summoning ritual for the dead. Are they not afraid that playing it through the screen is going to summon the ghosts again?

G: I think it's just a matter of speaking it into existence.

C: Yeah, I suppose so. So playing a recording wouldn't work? Damn.

G: Yeah, they have to recite it.

C: So they show up in the office to talk to Marty, who is the writer of the script. And they came over and were like, "We wanted to talk to you because, like, we read the script," and like, Sam says, like, with the most effort he looks like he's ever put into anything like, "Yeah, it's awesome! Mm-hm! Totally." [G laughs] Yeah.

G: So true. [laughs] I feel called out by the portrayal of this guy. [laughing]

C: [laughing] Because of how you act about your Ace Attorney fic?

G: [laughing] Don't reveal my leanings on fanfiction at the present. But literally how I act when I talk about anything I've written, fanfiction or otherwise. Like, "Oh, it's good, right? It's so good, right? I literally wrote it like this because it's that way because it's good, and that's why it's good, right?" [C laughing]

C: Yeah, so right, Marty's like, "Yeah, yeah, it's rocking, right?" And Sam says, "Yeah, I liked all the attention to detail." And Marty's like, "Dude, right on! That's my thing! [G laughing] I mean, you know, color me guilty, but that is me! I'm a total detail buff!" [laughs] So true.

Yeah, so Sam says that "Yeah, like, you worked in real Enochian summoning rituals in there,." Which- I miss Cas. Why couldn't this ritual summon Cas?

G: So true. I mean, we're about to end season 2.

C: And then there's a whole other one!

G: But that's just 16 episodes. It will just pass. 16 weeks, that's so fast. It'll pass by.

C: That's true. Okay, that's true. Thank you.

Yeah, so Marty's like, "Oh, no that Latin shit? Like, that wasn't me, that was the original writer, Walter Dixon." Apparently, he's not a PA, he just has a clause in his contract that allows them to come on set, so he decided that during that time, he wanted to get actors water. [G laughs] Yeah, and so he wrote the invocations, and Marty says that his screenplay was bad because there was no pace or love interest, it's all exposition, etc.

G: So true. Supernatural-core. Literally, where are love in- where's Cas? Where's the love interest, you guys?

C: Yeah, where's the love interest? Give us Cas.

G: We need the love interest.

-

G: So we cut to Sam and Dean reading the script that Walter made, and it's literally called "Lord of the Dead." [both laugh] And Dean comments that it's actually good, and they should have kept it, blah blah blah. But Sam says, like, "It reads like a how-to manual on how to conjure actual spirits and how to like, make it so that they follow your bidding."

C: Do we ever learn where Walter learned this shit?

G: No, 'cause- I mean, I'm assuming-

C: He's just some guy?

G: Literally just some guy. And then he knows all this shit too as well.

C: Yeah, no, he's a human- I don't know. Maybe he learned it from like, a witch or something. But I think it's a weird that at no point do they try to find out where he was learning this stuff because maybe that person was teaching like, this to other humans, right?

G: Other people, yeah. Yeah. And eventually, they conclude that the reason why he's letting out the spirit is because he's mad about the movie. [both laughing] Literally the biggest tantrum fit I've ever seen in my fucking life. "You didn't put my movie on, and now, you're all gonna die!" [C laughs]

C: God. And I love how they're like, "Oh, yeah, that's a reasonable motive. Okay, we understand the situation now." Like [laughs], I would never have drawn that conclusion because it's so stupid. I would have been like, "Oh, he's summoning people to kill people, but like, he must have like, serious- like, someone here must have like, killed his parents," you know? [laughs] Like-

G: Yeah.

C: [laughing] It's just so stupid.

G: But yeah, eventually, a little bit later, we see the writer that we saw earlier, Marty, he's walking in the set, and then he comes across Walter. Well, actually Walter calls him to the set, right?

C: Yeah.

G: So Walter is, and he's asking Walter like, "Why are you calling me here? I'm busy. I'm writing a script." [laughs] Writers really do be like this. [both laugh] Literally, all my friends who are writers are exactly like this. Like, "Why are you talking to me? I'm writing right now. Fuck off, dude."

Walter says, like, "We could have made something good, but instead, you tore the script to pieces. And now, you're gonna pay!" [laughs]

C: He also says that "You replaced it with cleavage and fart jokes." Like, fucking bold of Ben Edlund to say, like, given the way he writes women.

G: Yeah. [both laugh] "You replaced it with sexualization of women! And fart jokes." To be fair, Ben Edlund has not had a fart joke.

C: That's true.

G: Thus far.

C: Thus far.

G: But, you know, Ben Edlund, you never know what to expect.

C: Who wrote the episode where Cas sits on the whoopee cushion?

G: Oh my god! [laughs]

C: Who wrote it? I need to know. "Whoopee cushion Castiel..."

G: "Whoopee cushion Castiel."

C: "... Supernatural." Is this going to give me-

G: No, it's not giving me the episode.

C: It's in [overlapping] "I Believe the Children are Our Future." I don't know anything about this one. Let me look up-

G: Oh my god. [laughs] It's written by Andrew Dabb! [laughs]

C: Oh my god. Course it was.

G: Yeah. So Andrew Dabb and Ben Edlund blended together is unnecessary cleavage and unnecessary fart jokes.

C: Yep. Yes. [laughing] He says you're gonna pay!

G: He's gonna pay! And then he raises a little pendant and starts chanting. So Marty turns around, and the guy from earlier is there. And Marty screams!

C: Did you find it really funny that he summoned the same guy again? Like, four people died on this set, and he's like, "I think the fan guy- that's like, my favorite little ghost guy. I think we should give him a go again."

G: He's so obsessed with this ghost. And I would be as well. The fan death is so much fun to watch.

C: It's true. It's true.

G: Literally, the first time I was like, "Ah!" I was that emoji where it's like, peering a little peek in the hands. [both laughs] Like, I was that emoji. Literally so true.

But this ghost, apparently, the reason why they get taken to the fan is because the ghost drags them to the fan. But before the ghost can drag him to the fan, Sam and Dean shoot the ghosts and show up, and then Sam turns off the fan, and then Dean is like, standing over the guy. Marty says, "You're one hell of a PA." [C laughs] And Dean says, “Yeah, I know." And then helps the guy up. What a loser! [C laughs] What a loser.

C: He is. He's a total loser. Good for him.

So we get the confrontation with Walter where he's like, "What are you doing?" "I could ask you the same thing!" And he starts- Walter starts heading up the scaffolding, and Sam's saying like, "You are doing dangerous things, raising spirits from the dead and making them murder for you." Which- how much is he controlling these people? Like, is he telling them who to kill?

G: I mean, perhaps. Maybe it's like the reaper situation.

C: Is he telling them how to do it? Like, 'cause I don't- like, was he like, "You should disrobe and then go up the-" like, how much power does he have?

G: I mean, maybe it's like, "Just kill this person," and then the ghost chooses like, the way they were killed.

C: Yeah, yeah, I guess so.

G: Yeah. I hope so. I wish that ghost did not like, non-consensually disrobe in front of the guy.

C: Yeah. Right, I hope that she just decided to have a bit of a hot girl summer before doing murder.

So yeah, Walter's like, "You don't understand! You put your heart and soul into something, years of hard work! Years! And then they take it. And they crap all over it. And then they want you to smile and say thank you!" And Sam’s like, "Dude, it's just a movie."

G: [laughing] It's literally just a movie, dude.

C: It's literally just a movie.

You know that Tweet that you posted about Bakugo's death?

G: The what?

C: The Tweet you posted about Bakugo's death [G laughing] where someone said, like, "They live-streamed it. Like, he died in front of his parents." And someone replied like, "At first, I thought that you were talking about a real guy. Can you put like, a tone indicator that says '/drawing' or something?" [both laugh] Literally, can you put a tone indicator that says "/movie"?

G: For the uninformed, in the anime My Hero Academia, or, I don't know, is it a manga? I am not too informed on the thing.

C: There's a- there's an anime and a manga, so-

G: Yeah, I think he died on the manga, right? The current release on the

manga, he dies, Bakugo, and then like, the Twitters were in a shambles because literally like, who would have thought they would kill Bakugo or all people? [laughs] And people were Tweeting shit like, "He was killed in a live stream! [both laughing] [both] His parents saw that!" Do you think this is how people saw us when we were like, crying over Castiel dying, or like, Dean dying? Like, "It's just TV show, dude."

C: [laughing] Right, can you put a tone indicator that says TV on there?

G: Literally, he went to Superhell! [both laughing] He got stabbed in the back by a fucking nail! [overlapping] And then he died of tetanus. "Can you put a tone indicator that says 'TV show' in there?"

C: [laughing] His brother saw that shit!

Anyway. So, he says, "It's just a movie." [G laughing] And Walter's like, "Listen, just leave."

G: [laughing] Wait, I have another joke!

C: Okay, yeah.

G: [still laughing] Like, do you know Drew Gooden?

C: I've heard the name.

G: He's a YouTuber, and then he has a wife, and then like, [laughing], one time, like, he made this joke where one time, she was scrolling through Instagram, and the I, Tonya movie official account was like, advertised to her. And then [laughing] she didn't- she didn't read that it was I, Tony movie, she thought it said- [laughing harder] "It-" [laughing]

C: [laughing] What? [G still laughing] What? [G still laughing] What did you say? You say-

G: [laughing] She thought it said "it ony a-" [laughing]

C: What? [both laughing] It's only a movie?

G: [laughing] No. It says "i tonya movie" but she thought it said "it ony a movie." [both laughing]

C: [laughing] So true. It literally ony a movie.

G: [laughing] Literally- literally, it ony a movie. [both laughing]

C: Oh, god, okay. We just spent like, 10 minutes laughing at our jokes. This is gonna be a great BABPod episode. God, that's good though.

-

C: [laughing] Yeah, so Sam says, "It ony a movie." And Walter says, like, "I have nothing against you, but you need to leave, and leave Martin behind, so I can fucking murder him." And Dean says, like, "Sorry, we can't do that, not as a matter of principle-" or sorry, no, let me do that again. Dean says, "Sorry, we can't do that. It's not like we like him or anything, but, you know, out of principle." [both laugh]

G: So true.

C: And Walter's like, "Okay, well, ghost summoning time." So he summons four ghosts, two who are new to us, and all of them are injured in some way. And they all start walking towards them, but then they suddenly disappear because they're invisible now. For some reason.

G: Yeah, they're invisible. And it's like, we've never had an invisible ghost, right?

C: Yeah, I don't think so. Like, we've had ghosts with like, telekinesis powers. Maybe they just turn invisible and run at you really fast. [laughs]

G: Yeah. Me too.

C: But usually, they're visible during the telekinesis, so that doesn't work out.

So we get a whole thing where they start running away. Apparently, Dean does a thing, which apparently is a Die Hard-

G: Die Hard reference. I do not care about Die Hard.

C: Yeah, me neither, so I'm not even gonna say the line. They're pretty screwed. The whole time, Marty's being like, "Oh my god, ghosts are real? What? How is Walter controlling them?" 'Cause, you know, we somehow needed exposition for that, even though we saw Walter hold up a talisman and chant. Sam's like, "Probably the talisman!" [G laughs] Wow. Thanks. Wow.

G: So smart. He's so smart.

C: He is a real detective. He's a real ace attorney. [G laughs]

G: He's literally ace attorney investigating right now. [C laughs]

C: So Sam pulls out his cell phone camera because he says that film cameras are able to get the ghosts, so your cell phone camera should too. So he scans the room around [G laughs], and he sees one of the ghosts, and he goes like, "Dean, there!" And Dean just shoots. [G laughing] We get multiple scenes with Sam just swiveling the phone around and being like-

G: "There!"

C: "Gunboy, go!"

G: It's so stupid.

C: It looks like one of video game arcade shooter game things, you know? It's hilar.

G: Yeah. It's the stupidest thing they've ever done so far.

C: Yeah, though, didn't they do this in "Asylum" as well? It worked better in "Asylum."

G: I mean, there's a scene later- okay, I'll tell the rest of the scene, right? Eventually, Sam catch us up on the guy as Marty and Dean kill the ghosts, like, shoot the ghosts downstairs. And they end up in the fucking top of the building or something?

C: Yeah something like that.

G: On the roof. And what happens is Walter breaks the pendant. And Sam’s like, “Oh, why did you break it? Like, they're going to attack you because you forced them to do all these horrible things so they're mad at you." And they do. So. [laughs] At this point, Dean and Marty are also upstairs now.

C: And they just watch!

G: They just watch as this guy gets mauled. And at some point, like, Marty raises the camera, and like- [laughing]

C: We see four ghosts whaling on him.

G: [laughing] We see the stupidest fucking thing I've ever seen in Supernatural, which is just four ghosts like, scratching up this guy's back. [C laughs] Jesus, it's so funny, I bursted laughing the moment they showed that shot.

C: Yeah.

G: What is going on? I mean, I get that this scene is supposed to be like- I get that the idea's supposed to be goofy, right? Because, like, they do it later in the actual movie, and it's seen as like, "Oh, look at these fucking losers," right? But like, here, at the kill shot, where it's like, he's getting mauled to death, you would want to think that it's going to be a little bit creepy or something, right?

C: Right.

G: But it's just actually hilarious.

C: Four people beating up on him. So good.

Listen, I know this guy murdered like, two people, but the fact that they don't even try to shoot the ghosts with salt, like, when they're killing him, like, it doesn't feel good.

G: Yeah.

C: I feel like Supernatural doesn't want to deal with the idea that sometimes the true monsters are people, and then like, they either have to confront the "we don't kill people policy" or they have to confront like, the criminal justice system [G laughs] as a way to like, deal with-

G: Which they will next episode!

C: Oh my god, fuck, you're right, it's "Folsom Prison Blues."

G: Yeah.

C: Yeah, okay, right. So like, so instead of dealing with any of that, they were like, "Just let the ghosts kill him so we don't have to think about this anymore."

G: Yeah, yeah, exactly.

C: Yeah. So, alright. RIP to Walter.

G: RIP. [laughing] At least his parents didn't see that shit. [both laughing] It was not live-streamed

C: Well, we don't- maybe the camera was filming.

G: [laughs] They live-streamed-

C: Maybe they put that shit online. [both laugh]

G: Sorry to all Bakugo fans or whatever, like- [laughs]

C: [laughing] I'm not. He seems annoying. Goodbye to all listener, but I don't like Bakugo, I think. [G laughs]

G: I don't know anything about- it's so weird saying it as My Hero Academia because, like-

C: It's BNHA.

G: Which is like, I think that's a product of like, every single person who watches this is a nerd, so like, they would not say My Hero Academia, you know? [both laugh]

C: Yeah.

G: [laughing] We are just dunking on fans of the show so hard. I'm so sorry to all BNHA fans.

C: Sorry, fans. The memes when Mineta was like, ambiguously bi were really funny.

G: I have no idea about any of this. All I know is that Bakugo is dead. [both laugh]

C: This is gonna age so badly when he comes back from the dead in the like, next installment, and people are like, "These fucking idiots think Bakugo's dead."

G: I mean, Cas came back to life, but all the jokes about him dying are still funny, so.

C: That's true.

G: [laughing] This is so rich coming from a Supernatural podcast. [C laughs] Future Ace Attorney podcast. [laughs]

C: How would- would I be playing it for the first time? Would that how it works?

G: I don't think you would want to play Ace Attorney, so.

C: Yeah, probably not, so you'd do it solo.

G: It would be a podcast where we do like, I talk about Ace Attorney, and in the meantime, you talk about like, fucking Pocket Frogs or something. [both laughing]

C: Yeah, I'll be like, "I caught another fly!" [both laugh]

G: Yeah, exactly.

C: So we get our final movie scene, where two characters are in a house, scanning the room with a cell phone. And, like, the woman's going like, "Oh my god, there's a ghost there!" and points, and the guy shoots. And she says, "I don't understand. How can the spirits appear in the camera phone?" And the guy says, "The video must pick up their frequencies in a way that our eyes can't." Which is like, an explainer, I guess, but you know, with layers.

G: Isn't the bigger question here like, "Why is the shotgun working?"

C: [laughs] Right.

G: Like, couldn't they put the explainer over the fact that, like, the shotgun is actually loaded with salt and also how the fuck did these kids load the shotgun with salt?

C: Yeah, but I mean, I guess because the purpose of it is to serve as an explainer for the phone thing in the full episode [G laughs], they felt they didn't need to explain the salt. But yeah.

G: [laughs] Because they already explained it last episode. Two episodes ago. So true.

C: Yeah. And also in- what was it?

G: "Hook Man"?

C: Yeah.

Yeah, Marty is really excited about this whole situation, and Sam says, like, "You find out there's an afterlife, and this is what you do with it?" And Marty says, "I needed a little jazz on the page," [laughing] and then jazz music starts playing.

G: Are you for real?

C: Or jazzy-ish music starts playing [G laughs], and it continues through the rest of the end of the episode.

G: [laughing] I feel like I do not trust you to know what jazz music sounds like.

C: Fine. There were brass instruments in it, and to me, that's jazz. [both laugh]

G: Yeah, anyway, Sam is walking towards the outside of the lot, and then he sees like, a - what do you call this? - a trailer that Tara Benchley's name on it, and it's rocking, so, you know, she's having a fun time inside. And then, as he goes to the door, Dean comes out, and he's fixing his collar, and his hair is all messed up! And he looks soo cute! And, you know, Tara Benchley is up there and she's like, smiling at Dean, she's flirting it up, and she says, again, “You're one hell of a PA.” And Dean’s like, "Thank youu." [C laughs] And then they walk away. Dean like, grabs a sandwich, and they walk into the sunset. Except the sunset is just a prop, and it's not real. So they walk towards the rest of the lot.

It's a nice ending, honestly.

C: It is.

G: For a very boring, very bad episode. [both laughing] It's not bad, it's not bad. I take that back.

C: The payoff of the plot being that it's just this guy named Walter who's just weird is- [laughs]

G: It's actually quite funny. It is quite funny.

C: It is funny, but I don't know if it works. It's funny because it's bad. [laughs]

G: Yeah.

Okay, so what are your thoughts about this? You think it's funny but because it's bad. I think it's entertaining but not that much. [laughing]

C: Yeah.

G: I mean, it's a fine episode. I get why people would like it, but I also get why people would be like, "Eh, it's whenever."

C: Yeah, none of this is anywhere near as entertaining as the Sam awkward sequence in Maddy's house in "Heart."

G: [laughs] Yeah. None of this is as interesting as Sam saying, "You're different." [both laugh] Or whatever it is he said there.

C: "You're... unusual."

G: "You're unusual." [C laughs] So yeah.

C: Yeah.

G: [laughs] Best Line/Worst Line.

C: Well, we said what the best line was many, many times. Which was, "You know, maybe spirits are trying to shut down the movie 'cause they think it sucks. 'Cause, I mean, it kind of does."

G: Literally so true, it does suck, and the spirits are trying to take it down. But what's your worst line?

C: Huh. Um...

G: I have no idea.

C: There's no lines on this episode that mean anything.

G: Exactly. 'Cause like, the bad lines are bad on purpose, I feel like, is what they're doing, right?

C: Right.

G: So like, it's tongue-in-cheek, so.

C: Right.

G: [laughing] "It ony a movie" is my worst line. [both laughing]

C: So true. Oh, god. I don't have a worst line. I'll go with yours. [G laughs]

G: [laughing] A line that doesn't even exist in the episode.

C: Exactly.

G: Okay. Rating. So what do you think is the IMDB rating of this episode? I'll go first. I'll say it's an eight... I think the references are lost to us, but I'm assuming they're not to the target audience at the time, which is who rates these things the most probably, right?

C: Yes.

G: So I would say this is an 8.6.

C: Yeah, okay. Yeah, I agree that it will be fairly high for that reason, and also because the Deangirls really like this episode. But it's bad. I'm gonna go with an 8.5.

G: Okay. Let's see... Oh, you're closer! It's an 8.4.

C: Okay. I'm glad that they agree that it was boring.

G: "Delightful camp. Not quite the much later episode 'The French Mistake.'" Yeah, like, this reminds you a lot of "The French Mistake" in a way, right? Like, this is the precursor to that.

C: Mm.

G: Yeah. But instead of just making fun of the industry, I feel like that more is making fun of Jared and Jensen, specifically-

C: Yeah.

G: - the French m- [laughing] Jesus Christ. I just recalled, like, people saying why "The French Mistake" is called "The French Mistake," and I- I- [laughs]

C: Wait, why is it called "The French Mistake"?

G: [laughs] Should I cut this out? But like, apparently the French mistake is a term that is like, when like, two guys sleep together and then like, can't talk about it afterwards. And in "The French Mistake," Sam and Dean are- I mean Jared and Jensen are like, not talking to each other.

C: [laughing] Oh my god! [screams] Wait, because that episode does strongly imply that the people on set think that Jared and Jensen are sleeping together. [G laughs]

G: Yeah.

C: Yeah, okay.

G: It's really funny.

C: We can discuss that when it happens.

G: Yeah.

G: It's just- do you think the placement of this episode is weird?

C: Yeah. I mean, it'd be weird early in season two too because John just died. But yeah, immediately after "Heart" is weird.

G: I mean, the next episode is "Folsom Prison Blues," and then the one after that is, I think, another- "Dream a Little Dream of Me"? Or is it like, "What Is and What Should Never Be"? I think that's season 3, actually. Let me see.

C: Wait, okay, wait, no, I think it's season 2, no, I think you're right. Which pisses me off.

G: No, it's "What Is and Should Never Be."

C: Yeah, is that- is that in season 2?

G: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

C: Wait that pisses me off. This is Sam's season. That's like- why is that 2.20?

G: Towards the end, too, yeah.

C: What does that have to do with Azazel?

G: I don't fucking know. I hate Supernatural so much it's unreal.

C: It makes a lot more sense in season three because season 3 is the "Dean is going to die" season.

G: Yeah. Yeah. Whatever, who cares.

C: Whatever, I hate Supernatural.

G: Let's end this episode. [laughs]

So that’s it for this episode of Busty Asian Beauties! Next week, we will be talking about Season 2, Episode 19: "Folsom Prison Blues." Leave us a rating or a review wherever you get your podcasts. C: Follow us on social media! We are on twitter at twitter.com/BeautiesPodcast and on Tumblr at bustyasianbeautiespod.tumblr.com. Our official tag is #babpod, B-A-B-POD. And thank you to anyone who's donated to our Ko-Fi at ko-fi.com/bustyasianbeautiespod. G: You can email us any feedback, comments, or inquiries at bustyasianbeautiespod@gmail.com. See you guys next time! [both] Bye!

[guitar music]

[kylosgenesis]

Teardrops on Fire

Synopsis:

Steve Rogers is the last Alpha of the an almost extinct Lycan pack. With only less than 100 members left. Steve must produce an heir to ensure the species survival and reduce the chance of attacks from others. Omegas are rare, and betas have a hard time producing children. Steves reality is finally setting in as his obligation of producing an heir faces a major set back.

Reader is the last suitable omega to mate with Steve, due to the fear of her daughters fate in the pack, her mother kept her hidden from the pack after her own exile. Only her mother, and Bucky's family know of her existence. Bucky is Steve's right hand man, and the packs best warrior! He and the reader developed a friendship and bond over the years, but age forced them to become distant.

What happens when she presents and her first heat cycle comes? Her body is in excruciating pain and a strong fever quickly overcomes her body. Facing the fear of her daughters possible death, her mom calls on the only person who can save her at this point, Alpha Steve! Bucky and the alphas friendship will be tested. The reader will be faced with her love for Bucky or her duty to the pack.

Warnings: Mentions of death , A/B/O dynamics

Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/user/gennyzoe/playlist/7xFIhRFa8o2Ae4QJpD1Hp9?si=gWsZ__YOQdKCS81X21jZqw

Chapter 4: I found

Hours had gone by! Bucky was caught of guard with the smell of fire. Faint...but distinct enough he knew it wasn’t his imagination. The chilled air dragged a whiff of the combined scents of fog, smoke, and very faintly in the background... HER!

She was close! He could feel it! This wasn’t new territory to him, but he wondered how she’d ended up hours from her home. He followed the wind, blowing ashes by his face. Leaving a trail, that called to him as if nature was guiding him to her. All the odds were against her tonight, but the forest smelled safe! It was like it protect her from the evil of the elements.

After a couple of minutes on the trail, it hit him! The smell blew the air out of his lungs, he approached the small faded fire with caution. Not wanting to scare her off. As he got closer he noticed her small frame. She was attempting to stand up, but doing so knocked her directly into the fading red embers of where a fire used to be.

The world disappeared for him at that moment! It was her! Just him and her!

And she smelled delicious! Everything is his being screaming to make her his in this very spot, and vanish with her. Nobody to find them! As long as she was there, there was nothing he’d want in this life or another! She was the trophy and the torture, that cursed through him. To love, but never poses. How could he even be thinking of love right now? He hadn’t even looked into her eyes yet.

What if she hated him?

What if she didn’t recognize him?

How was he gonna explain what’s going on to her? She has to know what her body wants right now, what it’s craving for her to do! And how much he wishes to not crave her in the same way.

He bolted to her with all his might, and caught her calling frame. As her eyes slowly faded into unconsciousness, peace resonated in her eyes. He’d dreamed of those eyes for years! And as her body went limp on his arms all he could do was hold her close and pray for the strength to keep her alive and safe... from himself!

She opened her eyes as they adjusted to the moonlight above her. Her body was covered in a warm flannel, she didn’t recognize the source of it.She remembered the eyes she saw before losing consciousness.

Had it all been a dream?

She felt like her limbs were on fire! They responded to every bit of stimulation the flannel was rubbing upon her body. She realized it wasn’t the flannel that was causing her body to jolt up at the feeling of touch; It was that it smelled like an alpha. Her body was trying to absorb as much of him as it could! She was unconsciously reacting to him and granting him access to her.

Hearing a branch break from behind the forest bush, she sprung up as quickly as her body allowed her to react and grabbed a beach from her side.

“Who’s there?” She was in full alarm, she also noticed the fire she had started had been reignited, and was fully blazing and strong!

“What do you want from me? And for the love of... “

She noticed that the reason she had the flannel on was for her own modesty, because underneath the flannel she was as naked as she was brought into the world.

“ Why am I naked? ”

Bucky noticed her panic as he approached the camp again. He’d gone out to get some more firewood and clay to dress her wounds. He wasn't expecting for her to be so recovered.

“I’m sorry ... I didn’t mean to startle you! I'm here to help.”

He put his arms up, to show her he wasn’t a threat, dropping the contest of his arms to the ground! “I was just getting us some more fire, and you need something for your wound... it doesn’t look good!” he fixed his hair back with one of his free hands, a nervous habit he had kept since childhood.

She furrowed her brow, and took a swing of the branch startling him and forcing him to step back. ” I bet you would you know what wound need tending to?” She replied with a cocky attitude! She imagined he would’ve had to look at her body while he took her clothes off, but the realization that her body was not in display contrition made her blush for a moment.

Ignoring the heat rising to her cheeks, and the small pit of embarrassment in the pit of her stomach. She put on a brave face! As he got closer her body reacted to his presence.

He was tall! Always had been, but despite the fact she’s grown since he last saw her, he still sported a good foot above her. She lowered her stance and let go of her makeshift weapon.

Taking a step back, she tripped, and stumbled back. Bucky tried catching her, but before he could he lost his own footing and tackled her body to the ground.

There she was!

Looking like a goddess underneath him, in a flannel, with her little confused doe eyes! She didn’t even try to fight him off. They just stared at each other's eyes, for a small eternity that what theirs to have.

They could both see their changing features, the fire’s light shone on Bucky to reveal his dark black hair. There were messy strays surrounding his face, but the rest was neatly tucked behind his ears. Stubble framed his face, and his jaw was the jaw of a man. It was also an awkward time to notice how much muscle he’d gained in the last 10 years. His body was solid on top of her, even through his shirt, his body told his story! He was a man of work! His body was that of a man who did hard labor, a man who was outside for long periods of time. Which was something she could tell as she noticed the tan in his upper neck had begun fading as the weather grew colder.

His muscles responded to her stare in ways she couldn’t pinpoint!

He on the other hand noticed her delicate face, the way she had grown into her childhood innocence and beauty. Her frame was so small and breakable compared to him. He for a moment thought he could easily crush her, and tried to ease his weight to make it lighter on her.

Her hair was gorgeously long! It surrounded her like a halo, fit for her like an angel. And her eyes where large and expressive. He could’ve read those eyes a million ways years ago, but now! He couldn’t help but wonder what they were trying to say.

He couldn’t stop himself as the word slipped from his lips.

“Doll!”

He placed his knee between her legs and pushed on the palm of his hands in an effort to lift his body weight off of her.

“Don’t call me that! Haven’t heard that in a long time”... she wiggled under his body and pushed him off her “ that name used to be special to me”

She tried to stand up, but a dizzy spell forced her to remain seated on the ground. Looking at his hurt expression a few more seconds that she wanted to.

“ I really missed you!” Her eyes filled with tears that threatened to roll down her cheek as she tried to stare forward, but he would still read her pained face. “ When you caught me. I thought I was dying! ..and you weren't real”

“ Im sorry! Im so sorry! I shouldn’t have left you just like that!”

He sat down next to her frame, he noticed how her body was shivering, even close to the fire. Her smell was spiking up. He knew that once morning came he’d have to rush her to Steve as soon as possible! But for now, he just wanted to enjoy her! Just enjoy her own smell one last time.

“I never stopped thinking about you!” He lowered his face to the palms of his hands. It was there when she noticed. One of his hands wasn't quite his. It was a lusterly metal, but it still radiated his energy, and warmth.

“I'm sorry too! I shouldn't have interrupted whatever it is you guys do in the village...” she was guarded! Her body tensed up as she talked, a knife in her words ” a lowlife like me getting lost... that’s what it took for you to care again” the tears began to fall, a combination of her hormones, and now shock!

Her body was changing and she couldn’t do anything about it, and now the ghost of her former best friend was back. She didn’t know how to process. She was stronger than this! Why was her body dissolving her to her nature?

Bucky wanted to embrace her! To say so many things, but nothing felt like enough to him.

“Listen now it’s not the time for... ” as he stood up he heard her let out a pain filled grunt. Her hand reached out to grab his thigh, as she doubled over to the ground in pain.

He quickly reacted to her pain, and kneeled down next to where she now laid doubled over on the cold moist ground.

“No, no ,no , no listen to me doll... you have to pull through!” He positioned his body as comfortably as he could for her “ I can’t help you... I’m not supposed to...”

He’d made a mistake! He’d coated her in his smell from the moment he held her in his arms. Her body was screaming for an alpha and it was only going to get worse till an alpha helps her body respond to it’s needs.

From the little life she had a few minutes ago, this little omega at his feet was shaking, and frail!

“I’m sorry, doll…” he looked around in distress “please just stay with me! We have to make it till morning! Please just look at me...tell me you’re alright! “ he cradled her small body and held her close to him.

As a strong wave of her scent hit his nostrils, and a small seizure overcame her body.

Bucky knew what he had to do!

But he wanted to make sure he had well enough exhausted all of his options. It would be selfish of him not to admit he wanted to help her.

“ Bucky... am I gonna die? ” she looked up at him with pained eyes, she was suffering! He used his shirt to wipe down the trails of blood exiting her nose. He wanted to help her so badly! She was nuzzled up against his body, shivering and looking more lifeless by the moment.

Her body was rejecting her omega change!

Bucky knew the fever wasn’t a good sign! But with the seizures that were now overtaking her body every few minutes, it was confirmed to him that she was moments away from collapsing upon herself. An alpha made an omega stronger! It was in their nature!

She needed an alpha !

As he held her in the heart of the forest, illuminated by the light of the moonlight, he could see the teardrops of red leave her eyes. Tears the color of fire!

And when the moon was above then at its brightest, Bucky looked up at the sky, and then down at her “Im sorry doll! I'm about to let you down one more time... I hope you can forgive me one day” as he exposed her neck to him, her untouched mating gland on full display to him.He carefully extracted his canines, and like a soft kiss, he bit her!

He knew Steve wasn’t going to be happy, and quite frankly he was even more scared of her finding out he’d taken away her choice!

Tag list: @austynparksandpizza @nerdgirljen @exposition-belongs-somewhere @connie326 @patzammit @blessedwedgie

[crystalbahamut]

victory in stages

FFXIV Write Day 10: heady

Summary: You’re used to being liked because you’re useful, but it’s harder to believe someone likes you for…well…you, and you’re not brave enough to ask. Luckily, you have a plan to get around that. A stupid plan, perhaps, but a plan.

Warnings: Shadowbringers spoilers, unspecified/ambiguous WoL, they/them used for WoL, WoL has low self-esteem, such low self-esteem they have to get knocked about the head, literally, mild violence, 2nd person, G’raha Tia/WoL

Words: 3,363

 ---

Purging the remnants of the Lightwardens from you would have been enough to make you feel weightless but combined with the defeat of Emet-Selch, the fact that you had gone into a fight and come out with no causalities, the fact that G’raha Tia had stood in front of you, hurt but so gloriously awake and alive…

You were so overwhelmed by gratitude, by things going so right for once and so drunk on the heady feeling of absolute victory you had surged forward and grabbed G’raha in your arms and squeezed. He had gasped and hugged back, stammering your name…

…But now, a couple of days removed from it, you’re wondering if you hadn't just…startled him.

“Did you travel back to the Source without telling us?”

You jolt up, taking your chin from your hand and sitting back to face Alisaie and Y’shtola, who look unamused and amused, respectively. “Sorry,” you say. “What were you saying?”

Alisaie rolls her eyes and looks askance at Y’shtola. “It’s probably a good thing we made them sit with their back to the Crystal Tower or we’d never catch their attention again.”

You frown. “What's that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, nothing.” But Y’shtola smiles into her cup as she merely holds it to her lips. “You seem to be very deep in thought, is all. One has to wonder what has caught your mind so thoroughly.” Her smile widens. “Or who.”

You duck your head between your shoulders at the insinuation. “Oh, it’s not…”

“Please, you’ve been asking after the Exarch ever since we got back from the Tempest,” Alisaie says. “Haven’t you gotten tired of his company even a little?”

“I haven’t seen him since we came back.”

Both Y’shtola and Alisaie lose the teasing edge and sit forward. “What?” Alisaie asks in disbelief.

You shrug, very uncomfortable with where this conversation is going. There must still be some sin eaters around somewhere that need killing, right? That seems like more fun than being subjected to Y’shtola’s and Alisaie’s very special brands of tough love. “He’s still the Exarch helping run an entire city, and I’m just…what he needed me for is done. There’s no reason for him to want to see me.”

“Did he say that?!” Alisaie asks and starts to rise.

“Oh I severely doubt it.” Y’shtola grabs Alisaie’s sleeve and pulls her back down into her seat. “You know our friend and their insecurities.”

“Hmf.” Alisaie crosses her arms but looks less murderous, at least. “Honestly, I thought that would all be assuaged by that show of affection in the Tempest. I didn’t know a hug could be so fraught and romantic.”

“I think I just surprised him.” You stare down at your cup. The tea is likely lukewarm but you don’t pour more; you doubt you’ll drink it. “I’ve been meaning to talk to him, to ask him if–…Back when we first explored the Crystal Tower, I thought maybe he might…but then he locked himself away, and that answered that. But before we went to fight Vauthry he said some things that implied maybe he…might feel something for me, but I haven’t asked him about it since, and…”

You look up and jerk back. Alisaie and Y’shtola are both just staring at you. You feel like crawling under a rock for the rest of your miserable life. “It’s stupid, isn’t it?” you say and hide your face in your hands. “Gods; please forget I brought it up.”

“The Exarch spent a hundred years trying to prevent your death,” Alisaie says, speaking slowly. “Nearly sacrificed his own life to do so, calls you things like his ‘inspiration’ with sickening amounts of adoration, looks at you like you hung the stars in the sky, and you don’t think he’s madly in love with you?”

“I don’t know if he likes me romantically.” You duck down into your shoulders again. “Just because other people think I’m a hero that needs to go on living doesn’t mean there’s any deeper attachment to it. Stories can inspire, but at the end of the day they’re just that– stories.” You take a sip of your drink and grimace. It’s not even lukewarm anymore. “Also, the stars thing…technically I did bring back the night.” You put the cup down. “But I was supposed to do that. Now that I’m not useful anymore–”

“Warrior!” one of Lyna’s soldiers says, nearly breathless as she rushes up. “The captain bid me give a message to you.”

“What is it?” you say and stand.

“There’s been sightings of sin eaters accumulating over by Sullen; they seem to be disorganized and frenzied– likely starving and desperate– but there’s a similar issue by the Ostall Imperative that has most of the soldiers occupied; they won’t get to the settlement in time. Please, will you–”

“Understood.” You grab your weapon and relief surges through you– it’s terrible, probably, considering the danger people are in, but at least you can still be considered useful. “I’ll head out to Sullen right away.”

“Wait for me!” Alisaie says, leaping after you and you hear Y’shtola and the soldier talk about grabbing Thancred and the rest of them just before the two of you run off.

 ---

There is nothing quite like a successful battle, you think as you trudge back into the Crystarium with Alisaie emanating the same sense of relief behind you. Your blood is raging and your mind is clear; you feel like you can fight a primal. Maybe two primals. You feel like–

“Thank goodness you’ve returned safely.”

You stop so suddenly Alisaie bumps into you. She curses but you don’t really listen to what she’s saying. How can you, when G’raha is standing right there, looking so radiantly healthy and smiling at you like he truly is grateful to see you.

“Coming to see us back? I hope you weren’t worried,” you tease, and are rewarded by a slight flush of his cheeks.

Thancred mutters something too low for you to hear and that’s probably for the best, as Alphinaud chokes.

“Yes, well.” G’raha clears his throat and smiles. “‘Tis always a pleasure to see you all return safely.”

“And here I thought I might be special,” you say, with absolutely no acrimony.

Alas, G’raha doesn’t blush, but there is a rather fetching mischievous sheen to his expression when he says, “There was never any doubt of that.”

You swallow hard. Is he flirting? Does he mean it like you want him to? You almost mean to continue– to see how far he’ll let you go– but apparently the healers have been warned of your coming because a few of them come to escort you to Spagyrics, and as you sit for healing and bandaging and whatever else, the adrenaline settles and you start to second-guess everything again.

“You see?” Alisaie says pointedly. “He was waiting for you.”

“He was waiting for all of us,” you say and sigh. “And I was…was I inappropriate? I don’t think so, but…”

“By the Twelve, you can’t be serious,” Thancred groans. “You were so brave not half a bell earlier, I thought you were making real headway.”

“I always feel braver after a battle. It’s…” You try to think about it. “I guess after fighting for my life everything else just seems easier.”

“Would that we could bottle that bravery for you,” Thancred huffs and stands, shifting his shoulder and thanking the healer.

You sigh. “If I had a gil for every time I thought–” Wait a moment. You can’t bottle it…but you can try to manipulate it. All you have to do is talk to G’raha immediately following a fight. And that isn’t a difficult thing to do– leatherworkers need Smilodon skins, Hoptraps breed like crazy…

Alphinaud says your name as if cautious. “What are you thinking?”

“If I’m not brave enough to talk to G’raha normally, I can make myself brave enough to talk to G’raha,” you say and punch your fist.

“Excellent work, Thancred,” Alisaie says sharply.

“Y’shtola is going to kill me,” he groans in reply.

“No; this is a great idea,” you insist, because it is. “I fight things all the time and I’m still alive! This is perfect; it’s just a little adrenaline rush, nothing big.”

“Y’shtola is going to kill you,” Alphinaud sighs and Thancred nearly whimpers.

You are going to prove them all wrong and find out once and for all what G’raha truly thinks of you.

Win-win.

 ---

So your first fight does…not quite go according to plan. You found a strange looking horse while traveling through Lakeland and tried to get a better look at it, only to be immediately kicked back by hooves and knocked out. At least the sun is still out when you wake up again, but when you try to get up your ribs are definitely badly bruised, if not mildly broken. You use what healing magics you have to patch yourself back up and carry on your way. You try not to be grateful that you can’t find the horse again.

You find a botanist in a spot of trouble and help him by gathering lumber amongst a gaggle of angry triffids. It’s perfect– you get knocked around a little bit but dodging branches and putting down angry trees is surprisingly challenging and gets your blood flowing. And you help someone. A win-win indeed.

You try to clean yourself up just a little bit and head straight for the Ocular, only to be stopped by the guard.

“So sorry, but he’s in a meeting right now; no interruptions,” the man says regretfully.

“Oh, of course!” It makes sense; G’raha is still The Crystal Exarch, leading a city, doing so many important things…

The rush fades quickly and you head back to your room in defeat. G’raha comes by later, looking so sorry when he apologizes for missing you earlier, but you do your best to wave him off.

“It wasn’t that important,” you say and thankfully a yawn overtakes you.

“I’ll not trouble you any longer, then,” he says and steps back, bids you goodnight.

You watch him leave, thinking about calling him back with every step, and yet he turns a corner without a word from you.

You sigh, but it’s only day one. Tomorrow will be better.

 ---

Tomorrow is not better.

Neither is the day after that.

Neither is the day after that.

You are a capable fighter, truly– sometimes you think it’s all you’re truly good for, being thrown at violence like a martially adept doll– but you just keep having problems. Most of them are scheduling conflicts, as G’raha is still an important man and you still have responsibilities of your own, but the healers are proving far too troublesome as they seem to intercept you ninety-percent of the time. You sourly wonder if they have a magic mirror they can watch the world in as you trundle back to your room late one night.

Or perhaps they have informants.

The next day you take a little break. Or so you tell everyone. Y’shtola seems quizzical (you wonder if no one told her about this plan of yours) and your other friends seem relieved. Especially Thancred.

“I’m just doing a little delivery job this morning,” you tell them. “No fighting; since I’m carrying goods I’ll be avoiding confrontation. I’ll be back tonight.”

Sure enough, when you get back from your delivery you spy a healer watching as you come through the main plaza, and when she sees that you’re well she goes back to Spagyrics.

Snitches. Well you’re not so easily foiled– you go back to your room and then use the aetheryte at Fort Jobb to get back to Lakeland proper. The strange horse has been spotted and a few other hunters with Clan Nutsy are keen to take the job. With help, it shouldn’t take you long at all, and G’raha is almost never busy at this time of night. It’s perfect.

 ---

Up until you get knocked headfirst into a tree. That and the fact that it takes much longer than expected means you all but storm into the Crystarium later than expected, and feeling too foul to see G’raha. Sure, you can fight a primal, but with your mood you’d chew up and spit out a Lightwarden too, which is hardly conducive for a love confession.

But then there’s G’raha, calling your name before you get too far. “I was looking for you earlier; Urianger said you’d gone to your room but–” He jerks back when he sees you and his eyes widen in surprise, and concern, and so much care that your anger fizzles like an overloaded lamp. “What happened?”

“Bad luck,” you say and sigh. “And if I see a healer I might…do something I’ll regret. I’m sorry, G’raha, but maybe we can talk later.”

“Oh no; the blood on your face is worrisome enough, but the way you look makes me think you may have a concussion,” he says. “Pray, if you will not see a healer, would you allow me to care for you?”

There is a right answer, a wrong answer, and an inappropriately desperate answer, and your tongue twists on the latter. G’raha doesn’t wait for you to speak– he grabs your hand and pulls you along behind him, and you become so focused on that (he’s holding your hand) you barely realize what’s going on before you’re in a room in the tower you’ve never seen before, where there’s a bed and a nightstand and…

Maybe you do have a concussion.

“Here,” he says and sits you on the bed. It’s a really nice bed.

“With as much as you do I’m surprised you ever sleep,” you say and feel over the soft top blanket while he prepares something or other for…something or other. Why are you here again? You try to shake your head and gasp in pain. Right. Concussion.

“Easy; no need to cause yourself more pain,” G’raha murmurs and sits next to you. He cleans your face as gently as he can and you try to hide how much you ache regardless. You feel a little clearer, a little more focused, and you try to remain that way. “And I don’t sleep much, but it looks like you’re picking up my bad habits, friend. You’ve been keeping so busy lately,” he says as he bandages the cut on your forehead. “I feel like every time I try to see you you’re out doing something or another.”

“I’m not…doing that much.” You swallow. “I’m just trying to be useful, and, well, fighting is all I’m good for.”

“It’s not all you’re good for.”

“It’s helpful,” you insist. “For me too. I needed to–…to…”

“To?” G’raha repeats and you wonder if maybe the concussion can take you now, because G’raha has always been the same when he gets one little piece of information– he hounds about it. Relentlessly.

You sigh. Heavily. If it gets too hard you’ll clam up, and he’ll be disappointed, and then where will you be. But G’raha says your name, and so you steel yourself to try. “I needed…to be brave,” you say and wince as he dabs at a cut on your hand. “I wanted…I wanted to talk to you.”

He slows his motions and then stops. “My friend,” he says gently; he’s always so gentle and sweet it makes you nearly sick with want. “What would make you so afraid to talk to me? After all we have been through together, surely you can tell me most anything?”

“It might be stupid. Presumptive,” you admit. “And I…I don’t want you to think less of me.”

Gentle fingers touch the bottom of your chin and tilt it up. You stare into crimson that somehow looks so adoring, but does he adore you as a savior…or a person? “My dear friend,” he says. “There is nothing in this world that can make me think less of you.”

Staring at him, you feel your heart pound like it’s going to burst out of your chest and you think– you can’t do this anymore. If you don’t find out you’ll go crazy; you have to know, whether it hurts or not. “G’raha, in Kholusia, before Vauthry– were you talking about me?” you say, trying to speak as fast as you can, before you lose your nerve. “Do you like me? Romantically?”

He stares at you. Dumbfounded.

Like he couldn’t possibly have predicted this.

You swallow a lump of tears and feel shame settle upon you heavier than the world itself. You look down to try and maintain some dignity. “F-forget I said anything; I’m so, so sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I swear–”

“I thought I was obvious.”

You blink. You lift your head and some of the nausea quells. G’raha is smiling softly at you and wringing the cloth in his hands, even though it’s nearly gone fully dry. “I didn’t want to pressure you,” he says. “You seemed to shy away from me so I thought I would give you some time to figure out your feelings, for mine– mine have always been thus, ever since the first time I saw you again after you cleared the labyrinth and my heart swelled to see you safe.”

“Really? Even then?” you ask.

“Oh, most certainly.” It is adoration in his eyes as he slides his hand over your cheek and you lean into his touch. “How could you sound so disbelieving?”

“I’m just…me. I go where I’m needed and do as I’m told. If anybody else had the blessing they’d be twice the hero,” you say but you can’t help but slide your hand over his. “But you, G’raha, you’re strong and smart and kind and clever and you’ve always been so much more; are you sure you–”

He kisses you so suddenly he has to hold your shoulder to keep you from falling back. But it’s so good, you forget all about trying to talk some sense into him. He pulls back to pant for air and you try to stop the swimming of your head. You are not letting a concussion get in the way of this. “My friend– my love,” he corrects and it’s your heart that swells. “Anyone could have had the blessing and not been a tenth of what you are. If only you could see what I see.”

“I-I can try.” You know it gets tiring for people to have to listen to what you think about yourself sometimes– even your friends have gotten fed up on occasion– and you don’t want to drive him away. If he thinks you’re good enough for him, you can but try to be good enough for him– without getting knocked in the head again, you hope.

“Good,” he says simply and brings your hand to his lips to press a kiss to the back of it. “However we will have to continue this when you no longer have a head injury.”

“It’s not that bad,” you say and try to lean in for at least one more kiss, but you wobble, and the next thing you know G’raha is laying you on the bed.

“I’ll be checking in on you often to make sure that concussion isn’t severe.” He squeezes your hand and smiles. “By morning you’ll take back everything you said, for how much you’ll want to murder me.”

You squeeze his hand and return his smile. “If I didn’t drown you in a puddle in the Shroud, I’m not going to be that cross with you now.”

You fall asleep to his laughter.

 ---

When morning comes it’s even brighter (in a good way) than it has ever been. You and G’raha have breakfast together, and hold hands, and when G’raha kisses you goodbye as you leave him to get some work done you practically float across the Crystarium to share the good news.

Your friends, touchingly, are very happy for you.

Y’shtola doesn’t even kill Thancred when she finds out what incited the whole thing.

(It’s a near thing though.)

[sage-nebula]

Game Review — Blue Fire

One of my all-time favorite game series is The Legend of Zelda. My favorite game of all time is The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. And my second favorite game of all time is Hollow Knight. So it would make sense, then, to think that a combination of the two would be the most amazing thing the world had to offer me.

Overall Score: 7/10

Well . . . it could have been better. It also could have been worse, absolutely, but it also could have been better. For more detailed thoughts, jump below the cut (and view on blog due to formatting).

The Pros:

The graphics and animation are beautiful. The specific Zelda game the graphics brought to mine (despite the color palette, which was clearly more Hollow Knight inspired) was The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker. Whatever reason the developers had for going the cel shaded route (maybe they had an artistic vision in mind, or maybe it was easier somehow) it was a good one to make. In particular, all of the glowing and flame effects were lovely, the shadows all fell in the right places, the characters were charming to look at, et cetera. Everything worked well with the acrobatics as well. Visually, the game is beautiful.

For the most part, the platforming is fair and even platforming challenges are doable with enough practice. This is particularly true for the overworld / main dungeons, rather than the Voids, which are more extra dungeons that you don’t have to complete to beat the game (although doing so certainly makes the game easier given that each completed Void gives you another life heart). While there were some areas where the game lagged for whatever reason and threw off crucial timing, as well as some Voids that were definitely more Platform Hell than simply platforming, the platforming puzzles were very well put together for the most part and were enjoyable to play.

The fast travel system, when unlocked, is incredibly convenient and takes a lot of the headache out of traveling around the world, particularly given that you use the shrines for a number of things (fast travel, saving, char—spirit equips) and there aren’t any maps present in this game whatsoever. It does take some time to unlock fast travel and you’re not exactly pointed in the direction to get it (in fact I had to look up to figure out where I was supposed to go to get it), but once you have it it’s a well-developed system that took a lot of pain out of playing that would have otherwise been there.

A minor thing that I liked, but (just like in Hollow Knight) when you die, your spirit or soul is left behind. Also like in Hollow Knight, it keeps all of the money you had on you when you died. Essentially, it is the exact same thing as the Shade from Hollow Knight, but white instead of black. Anyway, the minor thing I liked about this is that if you die in a boss fight, your spirit waits for you directly outside the boss arena, meaning that you don’t have to try to reclaim it while the boss is trying to kill you. It was a nice bone the developers threw the player.

While no tracks in particular standout, and while the OST doesn’t live up to the OSTs of the inspirations behind this game, there were times when the music was very nice, which is always a plus.

While the main quest is very short, there are numerous sidequests you can do even apart from the Voids that give you things to do in each area, making them feel a little less small and giving you a bit more time with the game, as well as unlockables as rewards (mainly in the form of new costumes, but still). There are lots of little secrets hidden around in each area too, which is nice to discover if you’re someone like me who loves exploring in games. 

The Neutrals:

The story. The story is . . . how do I put this . . . okay. So, it’s clear the developers wanted to write a story with the aesthetic of Hollow Knight (ruined kingdom, lots of shadow / light dichotomy, fallen kingdom, et cetera), but with an overt storytelling style like The Legend of Zelda. So you get a lot of exposition about what happened in the past, and what you as the main character are supposed to do now . . . but the thing about the exposition is that not only is the same thing repeated about fifteen different times (such as the constant harping on about how the main character contains both light and shadow within them), but also there are huge chunks of seemingly important detail that are just left unexplained. Like for instance: we know that the Fire Guardians from the Fire Keep were one of the last strongholds against the Shadow (who was also the sixth god and has also corrupted the queen yadda yadda). And we can extrapolate that the Fire Guardians were specifically trying to create a warrior that was both light and shadow based on the fact that the game starts with the main character breaking out of a test tube with a bunch of corpses that look just like the player scattered around, seeming to be failed experiments (i.e. just like how the Pale King created the Hollow Knight in Hollow Knight). But the only Fire Guard that we see around is Von. I think he mentions briefly once that the Fire Guards were trying to make the warrior, or had made the warrior, or something like that, but we’re never told why, exactly. We don’t know what processes led to that. We don’t know who was in charge. We don’t know why this specific type of warrior was needed except “since you have both you may be the answer.” And the fact that there were apparently a bunch of failed experiments is never really touched upon either. Furthermore, we’re told that the five gods had lifted Penumbra (the world) into the sky to protect it from the Shadow (a la Hylia raising Skyloft to protect the people from Demise), but that it didn’t work and the Shadow ultimately got to them anyway. So allegedly this is a post-apocalyptic land. But the only thing to really be ravaged is the Temple of Gods, where apparently the corrupted queen sleeps. Everyone else seems mostly fine as long as they avoid the monsters? It’s like they were going for what Hollow Knight did, but didn’t quite want to go the full route of having corpses literally everywhere on-screen at all times. Although weirdly enough, there is also a distinct lack of NPCs which makes the world feel more empty than Hallownest despite the circumstances . . . What I’m getting at here is that there definitely is a story, but it was told in a way that was pretty sloppy. It’s not so sloppy that it detracts from the overall experience, but it’s like too much was piled on in some areas and not enough was explained in other areas. Or like they took some things they liked from other games (e.g. making the creation of the “warrior of light and shadow” reminiscent of the creation of the Hollow Knight) without following through on what made those things work. Like it wasn’t just that there were a lot of failed Knights and that their corpses were tossed into the abyss and that The Knight had to try to claw his way out (as did Broken Vessel and others) while the “successful” Hollow Knight was raised by the Pale King. It was also that we know that the entire reason why the Hollow Knight was created in the first place was to contain the Radiance / the Plague. It was also that these hundreds or thousands of corpses were the Pale King’s children. It was also that the Pale King has a monologue over that segment saying, “no mind to think, no will to break, no voice to cry suffering” as requirements for the Hollow Knight to be considered successful. The horror didn’t come just from the corpses being tossed down the pit around you as you had to climb up in an attempt to get out, but also at all of the surrounding context, which was left entirely out of Blue Fire’s version with the warrior of light and shadow. Not that they should have copied it (although if they had it really wouldn’t have been surprising), but it’s clear what they were trying to do and where they failed because they didn’t have the follow through to go with it. I feel like the above paragraph is so critical I should move it to The Cons, but I do want to say that I don’t think the story itself was terrible. It borrows so much from both Zelda and Hollow Knight that it really isn’t original and it doesn’t follow through on things that made those stories work, but overall it doesn’t ruin the experience, even if all of the repetition gets old pretty quickly. Although as a final note, I’ll also add another thing that bugged me, which is that we never learn what the people of Penumbra are. Like we know the Shadow is bad, but they all look like Shadow people. We know there are creatures called “onops” but we don’t know what they are, or if everyone is an onop. Whereas in Hollow Knight we know that all the characters are bugs. It’s just another little thing that wasn’t explained but probably should have been.

On a less long note, the combat is also pretty mediocre. Again, it’s not bad. There is a parry system that, if you learn to time it right to actually pull off the parry, is pretty cool. But although you are given magic, which is useful for killing long-distance enemies, the magic can’t do a single thing for you in boss battles no matter how many times you upgrade your mana. Additionally, it is very much a “mash Y to win” type of game, where Y is the button you use to attack and you just mash that while jumping around. There’s no complexity to the combat at all or any strategy that is really required. It’s not bad, per se, but it’s nothing to write home about either.

The charms in this game are called spirits, and while you can buy a majority of them from shopkeepers, you can also “capture” your own by coming across the spirit of a dead person and trapping it to use its power for yourself. This is made apparent when you go back to a young child who is dead the second time you go to see them, and capture their spirit for use. Also when you literally murder an NPC for a sidequest and then later capture their spirit to use for your own use. And aside from the sidequest giver being horrified you killed the NPC and telling you to keep it hush-hush (without even knowing that you can and will capture the spirit of that murder victim for your own use) this . . . is never really remarked upon. Ever. And the thing is, it creates a sort of dissonance, because your character is treated as a hero in this game. No one seems horrified by you, there’s never any question of whether your existence is moral or not, nor any reason to think that your character would be amoral. In Hollow Knight, the Knights were created to be soulless husks who were there to be vessels for the Radiance / infection. Hornet in particular calls out your cursed existence and how she does not like you because of it. But although you can learn “emotes” from statues (which is teaching your character either actions or emotions, it’s unclear), no such deal is made here. So this aspect of the game is strange, even if I can at least appreciate that they tried to make their spirits a tiny bit different from Hollow Knight’s charms. Though with that said . . .

The Cons:

It’s one thing to be inspired by other games, but the sheer amount that this game cops from The Legend of Zelda and Hollow Knight is, at least to me, incredibly distracting. Just a handful of examples off the top of my head: — In Hollow Knight, you have a Shade that lingers where you last died and keeps all of your money from when you died. In Blue Fire, you have a spirit / soul (again, it’s unnamed) that lingers where you died and keeps all of your money from when you died. You have to retrieve them before you die again to get your money back. — In Hollow Knight, you have different circular charms that each have a different design, name, and grant you different abilities. You can only have a certain amount equipped at a time (though you can increase how many you can equip at once) and you can only equip them at save points. In Blue Fire you have different spirits that are contained in circles that each have a different design, name, and grant you different abilities. You can only have a certain amount equipped at a time (though you can increase how many you can equip at once) and you can only equip them at save points. — Everything I explained above about how the main character breaking out of a test tube at the beginning, surrounded by corpses just like them, felt like an echo of the Knight’s creation in Hollow Knight (but again, not as effective for reasons outlined above).  — The default tunic has a hat that is exactly like Link’s from The Legend of Zelda. This is made even more obvious with the dyed green tunics. — The story segment detailing how the five gods created Penumbra was copped from how the golden goddesses created Hyrule from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. To compare the dialogue: Ocarina of Time: “Din. With her flaming arms, cultivated the land and created the red earth.” Blue Fire: “Dina, God of Land. With her mighty body of stone, Dina carved mountains, deserts, and landforms in the earth.” It’s in the exact same cadence, to the point where I half expected the artifact they created at the end of the story to be the Triforce (instead it was called the Oath of Sarana).  — In Hollow Knight, the titular Hollow Knight is housed inside the Temple of the Black Egg, and is in fact locked inside that Black Egg to seal the Radiance / infection. There are three locks on the egg, and each one will only be broken when one of the three Dreamers dies. You have to break all three locks to face him, a corrupted “final” boss. In Blue Fire, the corrupted queen is housed inside the Temple of the Gods. There are three locks on her door, and each one will only be broken when one of the three Shadow Lords dies. You have to break all three locks to face her, the corrupted final boss. — It’s implied that, especially in places like the Temple Gardens, that the humanoid enemies that attack you are not monsters, but are people who were once completely normal and even forces of good who were corrupted by the Shadow. This is exactly like how all of the enemies you face in Hollow Knight (with the exception of, say, Hornet) were also once normal bugs before they were turned into zombies by the infection. I could go on. The point is, it’s perfectly fine to be inspired by something. Hell, it would be hard to find an action/adventure game that wasn’t inspired by The Legend of Zelda at this point. But it’s one thing to be inspired by something, and another thing to completely rip-off your inspiration to the point where the similarities are distracting to your audience. And it’s not just me; when I was looking up the exact dialogue for the story of the gods from Blue Fire, I found others who were pointing out just how similar everything was to Hollow Knight in particular, including someone who, like me, realized that the Temple of the Gods was essentially the Temple of the Black Egg. When things are this blatant, it feels a whole lot less like inspiration and a whole lot more like plagiarism.

The Voids all have a star rating to indicate how difficult they are. These star ratings are completely meaningless. Granted, partly it’s because everyone is going to have different abilities and so it will be hard to create an overall difficulty scoring that will be accurate for every player, but it’s also telling when a four-star course is miles easier than a two-star course, which I found to be the case on more than one occasion due to level design that was, at times, kind of bullshit. 

Although there are NPCs, there are none who are memorable or standout, despite the fact that most of Penumbra’s populace is (maybe?) still alive. Unlike in Hollow Knight, where there were characters like Elderbug, the Last Stag, Hornet, Quirrel, and so forth that were memorable and lovable, all of the NPCs in Blue Fire feel rather the same and are pretty easily forgettable.

The world itself is incredibly small. While the fact there are no maps makes this kind of a good thing, on the other hand it’s a bit disappointing that there are a total of two towns and then a few small connecting areas. It doesn’t really make it feel like the kingdom that it’s supposed to be. 

On that note, why aren’t there maps? The fact that there is fast travel is really more of a necessity than mere convenience because there are no maps to help lead you around. If you put down the game for a while and then go back to it, you might not remember how to get to different areas in the game, and if you haven’t unlocked fast travel yet (since it is something you have to unlock) you’re going to be pretty much boned due to the lack of a feature that is in basically every other game. 

Overall, while this is not a game I think I would ever go back to, it also isn’t one that I regretted purchasing and playing. It could definitely have been better, but it also could have been worse. My only hope is that the next game this studio makes is more original, rather than copying so much from other, more successful titles. (Or at the very least, that they study why certain things worked in more successful titles, instead of just copying at the surface level and calling it a day.)

[hopekiedokie]

Mall is Life | INTRO : She’s Broke, He’s Broke, We’re All Broke!

Summary: Your dad thinks it’s best for you to pay off the credit card that you just maxed out. Meaning, it’s time for you to finally get your very first job…at the mall. As a true blue spoiled daughter from a very rich family, what could possibly happen? Form a labour union and overthrow the oppressive government with 7 other underpaid and overworked guys??? Or maybe just form a bond with them and have the best time of your life?

Pairing: bts x reader

Genre: mall!au, lowkey a sitcom, fluff, eventual angst, and a whole lot of pure crack

Word count: 5.3k+

Notes: As I’m doing final rewrites for this, I overheard my co-teacher call one of our students a “crack” and I honestly have never related hard to a student. Anyways, transferring this from gdocs to tumblr took sooooo long. I literally aged 10 years. I didn’t think writing in this style would be such a pain so I really do hope you enjoy this! Keep safe and hang on while the world still seems like it’s on its way to destruction.

Posted on: 8th of Jan, 2021

— • masterlist | Character Guide | INTRO | next • —

Red

Red is all you see.

Your vision has been clouded by the colour red since the moment you stepped inside the mall.

Sale season is upon you and red tags are everywhere!

Buy one get one for a girlfriend sized “boyfriend t-shirt”, a free cookie if you get 7 drinks, 5% off on your next purchase from Kucci and… Gasp! 75% off for a light sabre handheld immersion blender???

Do you even cook or watch Star Trek or whatever it’s called? Heck no.

bUT IT’S MORE THAN HALF OFF and it looks cool so might as well get it.

Right?

You saunter off towards the sights of free or marked down signs to start making damages.

“Ehem.”

The sound of your best friend, Taehyung’s voice, freezes you in place and you feel like a kid caught in the act of stealing a candy.

Literally, you have both your hands in front of you with your mouth open and watering.

“Just what do you think you’re doing?” His hands are placed on his hips, like a slightly inconvenienced Karen.

“Oh, uh...I was just, you know!? About to admire the general splendour!”

He was like, ya right sweetie.

“Shut up. This isn’t a Jane Austen book.”

Well, one can dream.

And lowkey, you were kinda expecting him to not get the reference.

…or even understand what you just said.

Damn.

You really need to give Taehyung some credit.

He is after all, your best friend and that is an achievement in itself.

“Focus, y/n. FOCUS. We’re here on a mission, don’t get distracted.”

Ugh, right.

Reality hit you again like a ton of bricks.

“And as if you can afford anything! Unless, you’re in for some service water.”

You scoff hard.

Though he isn’t lying.

See, the thing is, your family is rich.

Like rich 𝑹𝑰𝑪𝑯.

Like “rent a whole stadium for your dad’s morning run” rich

You, alone, though?

ʰᵉ ʰᵉ ʰᵉ

“Sorry, you’re absolutely right. We’re here for one thing only and that is to find a job! We’re not leaving until we get one.”

And that’s what you did for the next two hours

Job hunting

You might be wondering, “If we're so rich then why are we looking for a job?”

Well kids, let me tell you a quick story.

Here’s what happened

A week ago, you had probably the most embarrassing yet most eye opening experience of your life.

You were shopping

(like duh do you have anything else to do?)

And your credit card got…

Wait for it…

…………….

🚫DECLINED🚫

◉.◉

Like, that can happen????

Next thing you know, you’re on the phone with your dad and he is MAD

You don’t even know why he is so pressed about it.

Okay, so you maxed out one of his seemingly endless supply of credit cards.

BIG DEAL.

It’s not like he lost a bunch of money.

Maybe to a normal person, yeah…

BUT to you guys?

Come on! He can earn that money back in like two days.

Besides, he always goes on saying that he'd willingly give everything for you, his one and only princess.

bUT NOoOOoo! He has to teach you to be rEsPoNsIbLe with money! You need to be a 𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒔𝒊𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏.

"What? You think I'm a money making machine here?"

Well, tbh he kinda is.

"You think money grows on trees?"

Well, technically, money is paper so...ya it kinda does.

"I don't slave around just so you could plunge yourself in all of your whims!"

Uh, actually.

You kinda do though if we refer back to your whole willingly-give-everything-to-you shtick.

So that wasn't real, huh?

ＡＬＬ ＭＥＮ ＤＯ ＩＳ ＬＩＥ.

smh

Taehyung, on the other hand...

Well, his mother’s old but rich sugar daddy just recently passed away and unfortunately all his money and prized possessions were inherited by his one and only beloved son.

All they got was a couple of stupid jewelry, which did allow them to pay for a new (less glamorous) apartment, but still

Eh.

What a complete disappointment.

11+ years of being a sugar baby, all for nothing.

So now it’s back to the slums for the both of them.

Sad reacs for a fallen warrior.

I’m talking about Tae’s mother, not the sugar daddy...

THOUGh rip for him. Uh,,,,

He’ll be missed? I guess???

(1 like of this post = 1 respect for him)

DW about his mother though. She doesn’t seem quite fazed by it.

“This is why if you find a rich old bastard, make sure he doesn’t have any kids. That or have an affair with their kid. Oh well, on to the next one.” She told you and Tae during the funeral.

It’s been three months since.

She’s currently working at a hair salon and also,,,,

Taehyung thinks she’s seeing someone again cause she’s been using her designated “𝑠𝑒𝑑𝑢𝑐𝑖𝑛𝑔” parfum.

WHICH you still don’t know if you should be impressed or be concerned about.

Nonetheless, you respect the hustle of this woman. ✊✊✊✊

Unfortunately, her efforts are still not enough to satisfy their expensive needs so that brings us to the present situation.

Actually, it couldn’t have been more perfect though!

You and your best friend coincidentally just happen to be in the same dilemma.

Kind of

Well, not really

Plus, it’s not really the most pleasant circumstance bUT STILL

The point is, you’re in this together and that’s enough for the both of you.

:’)

“Ugh, this totally blows.” Taehyung says as you both sit on one of the food court booths.

“Which one, us not getting any jobs yet or the fact that we’re hanging at the food court?”

“Get used to it, princess. Honestly, you'll find that the food here isn't as disgusting as you think they are." He says as he fishes for his phone in his man purse.

"Well, at this rate, I won't be able to get used to it since I sTILL haven't found a job. Why are the good stores so demanding? Like, an intensive classroom and in-store training only to have a possibility to get hired??? To think that I'm a loyal Louie Button customer!"

(A/n: This is actually a real procedure for Louis Vuitton, at least in my own experience. But I only applied and never went through with the training cause I figured that it just ain't for me.)

You continue ranting your little heart out about how you could sue these stores for unfair treatment.

Taehyung, though, has long tuned you out and has pointed his full attention to his phone.

This is turning out to be a lot more disastrous than what he anticipated.

So he needs to phone a friend in.

Orrrrr a couple.

He's getting desperate, okay??

The entire spring collection was practically screaming out to him when they entered Kucci.

He's a 𝓚𝓾𝓬𝓬𝓲 𝓫𝓸𝔂 through and through.

He hasn't missed a single Kucci season collection in years.

IN YEARS, PEOPLE!

He can feel his right eye twitch at this blasphemy.

"I'm telling you! These stores are absolutely ungrateful-hEY! Are you even listening??"

"No. I thought that was obvious the second I whipped my phone out."

( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)

Rude

He didn't even try to deny it.

"You know, I really don't need you to be mean to me right now."

"Sorry y/n but this…" He lifts his phone up, "is more important right now."

What could possibly be more important than your current problem??

If you don't leave today with any form of productivity, you just might have to sell the entirety of your closet.

And we all know that ain't happening.

"By 'that', you mean?"

His phone vibrates a couple of times, indicating that he just received a bunch of messages.

He instantly opens them, disregarding you once again.

I-

Seriously, thIS bOy!

"Hello???? I'm still here and we're still hideously unemployed!"

He looks up to you with a smile that seems a tad bit too eerie.

Okay, this is somewhat alarming ngl.

"I called in some reinforcements."

Reinforcements... Huh?

What's that supposed to mean?

You stare at him with scrunched brows and mouth slightly agape.

And as if on cue, a male voice rings from behind you.

"Tae! We're here!"

"Jimin! Seokjin hyung!"

Ohhhhhhh

*Looks at the camera*

Them.

♫︎DUN DUN DUN♫︎

For everyone's information, Taehyung grew up a hair away from the poverty line.

He was in his preteen years when their family found success through his mother's sugar daddy.

He didn't grow up rich whICH there's NOthing wrong WiTh THAT.

A person's financial status does not define them.

Taehyung's friends, however, already have a collective definition in your head.

One word

༼ つ ◕◡◕ ༽つ MESS™

♫︎DUN DUN DUN♫︎

A hot mess you are so not willing to become a part of.

Tae keeps them away from you because he knows that they are not the type of people you would associate yourself with.

Which is why you've never met any of them.

...Until today.

♫︎DUN DUN DUN♫︎

Guess being besties with a broke Taehyung means it only makes sense that you finally meet them.

♫︎dUN dUn- ok that's enough of that.

"We got the Code 17 message. I can't believe I'll ever get that from you. This is history, man! We need to celebrate!" Someone says accompanied by what sounds like someone wiping a window.

You look at Taehyung with a very displeased look.

May god and every higher being out there give you strength.

He doesn't even look the slightest bit bothered by what might be one of the boldest crossovers to ever happen.

Also, "Code 17"??? Wth?

"What's wrong? You never ask to meet at the food court… And who's this with--oh." A different, softer voice talks this time.

"You guys remember my bestie, right? Y/n? Well, I think it's time you guys finally meet."

From behind you, Seokjin and Jimin share a slightly wary yet excited look.

Jimin, being the natural people lover that he is, instantly thinks that he's about to have another best friend.

From what he's heard from Taehyung, you two are slightly alike, being a total softie.

So don't be surprised if a montage of things like the two of you going on picnics at the mall garden or watching the premiere of the next Disney movie plays in his head.

Seokjin, on the other hand, being the woman lover that he is, instantly thinks that he's about to score big time.

He's heard a lot about you from Tae but the only thing that stuck (and pretty much the only thing that matters) is that you are HELLA rich.

$ ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕔𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕓𝕒𝕓𝕪 $

So are we even surprised that what he imagines is him breezing through the luxury section of the mall, with his personal butlers in tow, and having everyone swoon at him?

“Y/n,” Taehyung gives you a pointed look as if telling you to be nice. “Meet Seokjin hyung and Jimin, two of my other best friends.”

Alright, you heard that these people work here at the mall.

So you’re gonna have to suck it up if it means being stuck with them for god knows how long.

You just hope they have some level of bearableness.

(Oh and some form of acceptable fashion taste too please, thank you very much!)

As much as you're not in the mood to smile, you still plaster on the sweetest one you can muster and turn around to face the two----

Oh

(o.O)

oh oh oh oh ho ho ho ho

Hello

hELLO indeed.

One of them has a white button up with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, black slim fit trousers, and a brown newsboy cap like a cherry on top.

He's also wearing a brown apron with a small name tag that says 𝓙𝓲𝓶𝓲𝓷.

The other guy's more casual with his baby pink t-shirt, french tucked into his black ripped skinny jeans.

Personally, you wouldn’t really call them amazing outfits…

bUT SWEET BABY JESUS ARE THEY DOING THINGS.

GREAT THINGS

(Tbh maybe it’s their handsome faces that do it for you)

"Hi, I'm Jimin! It's very nice to finally meet you."

He extends his hand and you take it in a heartbeat because my god that smile.

Wooooooooooo

Now, that's what greets you into heaven.

"Tae says a lot of good things about you and I think- oof."

Cute pink shirt guy (rudely) shoves him to the side.

Jimin almost topples to the ground and it makes you want to stand and check up on him.

The poor cutie.

For some reason, you feel like Taehyung and pink shirt guy get along well.

"AND I'M Seokjin!"

This time, Seokjin swiftly takes your hand without any warning which leaves you feeling flustered.

“Umm… Nice to meet you..?” You manage to politely croak out.  

He gives your hand a kiss and then drops you a sultry wink.  

Thank god you're sitting right now.  

You'd be a lying fool to say that that didn't make your knees weak.  

But ngl, that’s a face that definitely greets you into hell.  

Like, no offense to his handsome face but you are sure there’s something completely devious going on underneath.  

No one can change your mind on that.  

"OKAY! Enough introductions, we’ll have plenty of time for that later... Where are the others??”  

“Hoseok hyung said that he's with Jungkook and they're on their way to get Namjoon hyung." Jimin says as he fixes his hat that slightly slid off.  

"Well, they better hurry!"  

Taehyung DEFINITELY did not have any reasons to cut your introductions off.  

He just did not like how you are practically drooling over Jimin and Seokjin.  

He’s nOT JEALOUS OR ANYTHING  

It’s just...  

It’s not like you’ve never been close to any hot guys before.  

Uh hello???  

HE’S HOT  

And you’re with him 24/7

Wait…  

Do you even think he’s hot???  

Okay now that’s a thought he never considered before.  

Damn bro  

Now Tae’s having an existential crisis…  

anD hE’s dEfiniTEly NOT jEALous!!!  

ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ  

"WE'RE HERE!"  

All four of you direct your heads to the sound of a new voice and you start to think that Taehyung might actually be playing a joke on you.  

Come on!  

THREE 👏  MORE 👏  HOT 👏 GUYS  👏

???  

This can't be real.  

This is literal heaven!  

Gasp!  

Are.  

You.  

DEAD?!  

Maybe you're right about Jimin being what greets you into heaven!

It all makes sense.  

“Dude, we came as soon as we could. We even pulled Namjoon out of his rabbit hole.” The handsome one wearing a sports jersey says. 

“This better be important. I didn’t even get to ask permission to take a break! I’m supposed to be stocking utensils right now.” The handsome one wearing an atrocious outfit of a bright blue shirt and a much brighter yellow pants chimes in.  

The handsome one wearing loose fitting jeans, a plaid button up and a black t-shirt underneath just stayed at the sidelines not saying anything.  

Out of all of them, you think he’s the most stylish one.  

Your eyes meet while you are assessing his outfit but he instantly looks away.  

A noticeable blush blooms on his cheeks and you almost swoon.  

Awww he’s extra cute.  

“Yeah, cause organising cutlery is more important than a friend in a literal crisis.” Taehyung says in a sarcastic tone.  

“So what are we doing here?”  

“What is this ‘crisis’ you are referring to?”  

“Yo, who is she?”  

Namjoon, Jin, and handsome jersey boy all talk at the same time.  

Ugh you need a massage.  

Being surrounded by these broke handsome men is making you lightheaded.  

“This is Y/n. You know, my other best friend.”

“Oh, your money buddy.” Handsome jersey boy butts in.   

Uh EXCUSE YOU, WHAT’S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?  

You scoff hard and loud.  

Taehyung clears his throat and you thought he was going to make a comment defending you or something.  

Oh honey, you are wrong.  

Because for the nth time today, he just brushes you off.  

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Anyways, Guys, meet Y/n. Y/n, this is Hoseok hyung, Namjoon hyung, and Jungkook.”  

You didn't think it'd be possible but for the first time ever, you so badly want to rip someone's hair out.  

And not just someone, it's Taehyung.  

Normally, a sassy, moody, rude boy Taehyung doesn’t affect you at all.  

But then again, his negative vibes were never really directed to you.  

And given the current circumstance, you’re also not in the best mood as well.  

So you aren't as inviting as you usually are when you shook hands with the three boys.  

Somehow, even their overflowing handsomeness did not do anything for you now.  

Your presence, however, did something to the three boys.  

AND I MEAN A LOT.  

Confused, attracted, intimidated, confused, in awe, slightly scared, nervous, confused, hungry…  

What? Hoseok hasn’t had lunch and coincidentally, he started feeling his tummy rumble when he looked at you.  

…..  

Fun fact: Hoseok is DEFINITELY NOT A CANNIBAL NOR HE EVER PLANS ON BEING ONE.  

If ever you were thinking...  

“Okay, so here’s the sitch.” Tae starts to explain your situation and everyone listens to him intently.  

Little did you all know, the final member of the friend group just arrived at the food court and is now walking towards where you all are.  

It wasn’t difficult to spot your group with Namjoon’s obnoxiously brightly coloured towering self and the few girls hanging around.  

Probably Jimin’s fanclub.  

“And so, here we are!” Tae finishes, keeping everyone updated.  

"Wow, so you two are looking for an actual job? Like, here? At the mall??" A very baffled Seokjin asks.  

Tae rolls his eyes.  

"Yes. Is that really hard to believe?"  

"Actually, yes. It is."  

Another male voice is heard coming from someplace.  

“Yoongi hyung!”  

Oh great! Another one.  

Surely, this guy’s not that interesting.  

I mean, what are the fricking odds that he’s also an immaculate being??  

You turn around and your mouth drops to the floor.  

No no no no no.  

No way!  

Another freaking gOOD LOOKING GUY HAS WALKED UP TO YOUR GROUP.  

Okay, this is getting unbelievable now.  

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?  

Like, where and how on earth did Taehyung manage to get and round up SIX insanely good looking guys??  

What is this? Are you on The Bachelorette??

Wait no   

It's like Oprah!  

And instead of cars, she's giving away handsome men

You get a hot Asian man, you get a hot Asian man, you all get a hot Asian man!  

OR MAYBE  

Are you on MTV Punk'd?????  

Statistically speaking, a hot guy can have two or maybe three equally hot best friends

BUT SIX???   

ARE YOU KIDDING?  

Is Taehyung like Thanos? Collecting the six infinity stones?  

Thanos? lol.  

If anything, he's more like Henry VIII with his six wives.  

“So you guys didn’t even wait for me, huh?”

Yoongi, oh so casually, just takes a seat beside you   

Without even giving you a single glance or whatnot.  

“I didn’t know you'd be here at the mall today?”  

“Yeah, what are you doing here?”  

Yoongi raises an eyebrow. “It’s a free country, I can be here whenever I want to be.”  

Well, can’t argue with that logic.  

The mall is practically your second home at this point.  

“... Also… uTunes is hiring and uh… I’m applying...”  

You don’t understand why but everyone else looks either shocked or annoyed at Yoongi’s announcement... 

Are you missing something here?  

“Man, you need to give it up! That place can suck it.”  

Yoongi gives Seokjin one of the scariest glare you’ve ever seen.  

It could rival against your dad’s famous death glares that he gives to his incompetent subordinates.  

Namjoon shakes his head disapprovingly, “You’re applying there again?? I can’t believe it.”  

Yes, again.  

This is going to be the seventh time he’s applying at uTunes Records, the most popular music shop there is.  

So many people flock to it even though we’re already in the digital age.  

But he doesn’t question it.  

All he cares about is getting a job there because the employees get to play their own music in the store.  

Do you know how much of a popularity boost that is?  

A CRAP TON.  

On top of that, one of the employees gets a chance to get signed by a record label every year.  

And if you're not awarded by that chance, you can still meet agents and get signed through their many parties.  

Because of that, so many people also apply for a job there.  

But they unfortunately have such high standards which is why even after three years, he still hasn’t passed their vibe check.

"Listen, seven's a lucky number. I have great feelings about this one. Besides, I've built up a strong résumé. Winning one of uTunes' own rookie dj contests must mean something, right? They can't not take me!"   

Wow.  

You've only known Yoongi for a solid three minutes, but you can already tell that he's quite passionate about this.  

"Hyung, all we're saying is that maybe you should consider doing something else? You could do so much more than run after that store." Jimin says and pats Yoongi's hand a couple of times.  

"All of you perfectly know getting a job there could quite possibly set my music career!"  

"Is that really it? Or is it because of a certain Daphne??" Seokjin teases him.  

The rest just mutters an "ooh" or an "aah".  

You seem to have been turned into an accessory.  

You so cannot relate to anything they've talked about since Yoongi came. 

It's like you're at one of your dad's social gatherings and all you can do is smile and nod.  

"ANYWAY," Yoongi interjects in their teasing. "So Tae, you're also looking for a job?"  

Jeez FINALLY.  

Something you can talk about that involves you.  

It felt like you were just back home watching some random show that doesn't require your input.  

Taehyung gives an overly dramatic heavy sigh.  

"Unfortunately, yes. Y/n and I both need one badly. But all the stores had been rejecting us left and right. Like, the audacity!" Taehyung rants all over again.  

Jimin, listens to him intently as if he hasn't heard all of this before.  

Seokjin seems to have been entertaining the surrounding ladies for a while now.

[by giving some ( ˘ ³˘)♥︎ and some (•̀ᴗ-)☞  ]  

Across the table, Namjoon complains to Hoseok about getting in trouble with his boss.  

Jungkook, well, he's just staring at the beautiful pizza this kid next to you guys is eating. (Someone's hungry too, okay?) 

While Yoongi just openly stares at you.  

Welp.  

What the frick are you supposed to do now?

Is Taehyung or anyone going to properly introduce you two?   

No???  

Okay fine.  

Seems like you're gonna have to get used to doing things on your own.  

You smile at him and timidly hold your hand out.  

"Uh hi. I'm Y/n. I don't know if Tae's ever mentioned me to you before but--"  

"Oh, trust me. He's mentioned you plenty. He actually never shuts up about you."  

ʰᵉʰ  

Ok  

You don't really know if he was stating that as a fact or if he's trying to be mean…  

"Oh ha ha… That must be really annoying then."  

"Yeah, it is actually."  

Your small polite chuckle died down your throat.  

Wow and you thought Taehyung can be rude.  

hE'S STILL JUST STARING.  

"Uh…" You finally lowered your hand that he obviously isn't going to shake.  

That is definitely going in your top 10 most embarrassing moments ever.  

God, can someone get you away from this guy?  

What's his problem?  

"SO, can any one of you help us? Like, any tips or something?" Tae concludes his really long and repetitive rant.  

Everyone's eyes FINALLY focuses on Tae again.  

Seokjin snorts loudly.  

Eww.  

He opens his mouth to say something but Tae immediately holds his hand up to stop him.  

"Anyone except you hyung. I don't think you're classified."  

Everyone laughs to that and again,  

ARE YOU MISSING OUT ON SOMETHING HERE?  

Seokjin raises one finger like he's trying to make a point. "If anyone is classified to give tips on how to get accepted, it's me!"  

"Yeah, just not on how to last on one." Namjoon loudly whispers to Tae.  

"HEY I HEARD THAT!"  

Ohhh….  

So,  

Does he constantly get fired from a job?  

Well, that's just sad.  

Hopefully you don't end up like him.  

😳  

"Actually," Hoseok starts, "how do you end up landing on so many jobs? Like, don't they know your reputation?"  

And that's your cue to finally insert yourself in the conversation.  

"Uh, what reputation?"  

"Sweetheart, you don't really want to know! It's not that big of a deal." Seokjin quickly steers you away from the topic but the other guys didn't allow it to happen.  

"Oh, you know. Just that, he's known to be the "job eater" here. Cause he pretty much eats a job and moves on from it in a flash." Namjoon graciously fills you in.  

So you were right.  

That's kind of impressive though…  

But a huge waste.  

"Still! It makes me very much qualified to give the unemployed a tip!"  

"Save it hyung, you might need it for your next job once you get fired from Uncle Aang's."  

Seokjin gives everyone a sheepish smile.  

What's that about?  

It almost looks as if he…  

"YOU GOT FIRED ALREADY?!"  

"Oh you bet I did."  

To be fair, how could he not stop himself from eating the free samples? Those pretzels are literal drugs.  

"You just got that job four days ago. I can't believe it!"  

"I can believe it." Yoongi says out loud.  

Can't he say anything nice?  

"Whatever! Point is, these stores still hire me no matter what."  

"You know what, that is a good point." Taehyung mutters, slowly turning convinced by Seokjin.  

Namjoon groans. "Are you for real Tae? If you want some job advice, maybe ask one from us who has only had one permanent job all throughout."  

"Guys, let's give Seokjin hyung a chance!" Jimin, ever the sweet positive boy, suggests.

"Of course you would say that."    

Not wanting to fade into nothingness, you insert yourself again in the conversation.  

"I want to hear what he has to say."  

Once those words left your mouth, you instantly regret it.  

A.) Seokjin gives you another wink and gives you a flying kiss that has you weak in the knees again- I MEAN WHAT. I SAID NOTHING.  

And B.) Yoongi is clearly not a fan of you sharing your opinions with the group.    

Despite the obvious protests of Namjoon, Seokjin still gives his number one "professional" advice  

And that is to have a perfectly 𝒉𝒊𝒈𝒉 𝒒𝒖𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚 résumé.  

"A high quality résumé? YOU? What the fuck are you talking about?" Yoongi says, slightly amused and slightly tired of the older guy's shenanigans.  

"Don't believe me? Fine. But I'm telling you, it's all here on paper!" Seokjin takes out a folder from his backpack and waves it around.  

Namjoon immediately snatches it from him  

"5 pages long?? Are you for real?”  

Seokjin hums and watches smugly with a cocky grin as the guys read through his résumé.  

“Hang on, since when did you do balloon modelling?”  

"I don't."  

Hoseok gasps. "But bro, isn't that lying?"  

"Yeah, duh! How else are these people gonna hire you? You have to sell them what they're looking for."  

"What if they ask you to use these skills that you clearly don't have?"  

"Then you're just gonna have to fake it till you make it, baby!"  

Huh  

No wonder he doesn't last long on a single job.  

"And how's that working out for you?" Yoongi presses on.  

"Well at least I get hired, Mr. 7th Time's the Charm!"  

Yoongi is like ᶠⁱᵗᵉ ᵐᵉ ⁱ ʷᵒⁿ'ᵗ ʰᵉˢⁱᵗᵃᵗᵉ ᵇⁱᵗᶜʰ (ง'̀-'́)ง  

"That's not really the point of having a job, but I guess, whatever floats your boat, dude!" Hoseok finally sides with Seokjin.  

"So everyone is looking for a job then?" Taehyung realizes, "this is so cool if all of us get hired! We'll all face the real world together."  

"All of us except Jungkook though."  

Who?  

Oh that extra cute shy boy.  

You forgot he's here.  

Boy really hasn't said a word at all.  

"Did ya hear that? All of us are getting jobs!"

"You should get one too!"   

"That would be so cool!"  

"So what do you say? What are your plans Kook?"  

"Guys, don't pressure the kid!"  

The guys talk simultaneously, ultimately kind of pressuring Jungkook to say something before he even thinks about it.  

The table falls silent and everyone eyes Jungkook.  

The guys are like ( ･ิ ͜ʖ ･ิ) and ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)  

Jungkook is like (ʘ ͟ʖ ʘ)  

Then the guys are like (≖ ͜ʖ≖)  

So jungkook is like (¬‿¬ )  

In the end, they are all like 

(☞°ヮ°)☞ ☜(°ヮ°☜)  

And through it all, you are just ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ  

What the heck is going on?  

"Yeah, why not?" Jungkook simply concludes and the guys make various celebrating noises.  

Gasp!  

He can talk???  

"Okay, everyone calm down! Let's wait until after everyone gets hired before we celebrate." Namjoon scolds everyone.  

"Well that might take a while considering Y/n and I can't find one!"  

Namjoon places a comforting hand on Tae's shoulder. "Oh relax, there's like ten thousand stores in the mall!"  

"Actually, there are only 613 stores in the entire mall." Hoseok points out a matter of factly.  

You all look at him dumbfoundedly.  

Aaaand he just stares back at all of you.  

Is this some kind of trivia that you need to know if you work around here?  

Are you gonna have to memorise a lot of facts about the mall???  

Oh, you don't like that.  

Seokjin was the first one to react.  

"Dude?? What the hell?!"  

"I got bored once while I was on a break and counted."

Huh.  

Makes sense.  

Yeah, sure.  

Why not?  

Why wouldn't you just go and count the total number of stores out of boredom???  

…  

THAT WAS A SARCASTIC REMARK IF YOU DIDN'T GET IT.  

"Even if there are 600 stores here, there are only like, 20 good stores that exist!" Tae remarks   

You want to say you can't agree more but you stop yourself because you don't think you can handle another cold stare from Yoongi.  

"Are you perhaps pertaining to the high end stores?" Namjoon muses.  

"Yeah. What else?"  

Jimin's eyes widen in shock. "Hold on. So you two have only been looking at that small section of the entire mall?"  

"Yeah. Why?"  

Yoongi chuckles condescendingly.  

"Bros, you know that saying… 'Beggars can't be choosers'?" Hoseok tries to enlighten you two.  

You and Tae look at each other.  

What an epiphany.  

A very disgusting yet important epiphany.  

"Are you… Are you guys saying that… We need to find a job… Outside of that section??"  

They all nod.  

Ughhhhhhh  

You and Tae make an annoyed sound.  

"Welcome to the real world, peasants!" Seokjin warmly tells you.  

Could things get any worse?  

"Hey, at least we'll all be here together!"  

Ha ha 

Great . Awesome. Wow.

"Well, on that note, I really need to get back to work. Lady and gentlemen, may the odds be ever in your favour. Good luck!"  

Namjoon stands and walks away.  

One by one, the other working guys went back to work as well, leaving you unemployed slackers.  

Hey they didn't even give any actual help!  

Wasn't that the reason why Tae called for a… What did they call it?  

Code something something.  

Oh whatever!  

Anyways,  

So to summarize things  

You might end up working at an awful low end store.  

And you're unwillingly stuck with the wrong set of people.  

One of them is a total flirt and an actual pain to society.  

Another one might possibly hate you for unknown reasons.   

This tall dude seems to be really uptight.  

Then there's this guy that seems really weird.

The other one, well… He's cute and doesn't really have any negative points yet BUT you're sure something's wrong with him.   

And the last one literally said one thing during the entire time!  

Oh, you've got a really really long way before you can pay your dad.  

Good luck to you, indeed.