#stop seeing pathology in everything

[drawinggoose]

I was a kid who read A LOT. I mean, almost all the time. I wasn't disassociating, I was just having a good time.

I am disassociating NOW, and let me tell you, it has nothing to do with reading - more so with stressful situations.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[lago-morpha]

I want to let the social anxiety win and disappear sometimes. Some more than others

[6mayhem]

prev post will be my defense if i ever do get cancelled for incest shipping. buddy i think i'm allowed to write all sorts of fucked up sibling shit after the childhood i've had ‼️

[baphometsss]

I don't wanna sit here and act like I'm a professional or anything, because I'm not, but as someone who has had to do a lot of work to overcome trauma and reconfigure my brain more or less from the ground up, there's a lot I have to say about Solas's mental state

We know that Solas was essentially used and abused by Mythal for millennia. Even if he wasn't under a geas, he was twisted from his purpose by being made to fight, and then created the Wolf's Fang which was used to make the Titans tranquil and started the Blights. He made those choices himself, but it's important to understand that no choice is ever made in a vacuum. She took advantage of his vulnerability when he was given a body after however long as a spirit semi-existing peacefully in the Fade, and moulded him into a weapon.

He is broken, because Mythal broke him. I'm not incapable of seeing why she did what she did because like I said, no one makes choices in a vacuum and I could write about her for a long time too (in a similar way to how I have had to do myself in my own life in understanding why others abused me). He was so traumatised by everything that happened and he was trauma bonded to Mythal pretty much from the minute he gained a body. Trauma bonds are not about love. He definitely interpreted it that way, as most people do, but that's the weapon abusers use to keep the victim under their control. Abuse abuse abuse show a scrap of love and then abuse some more. If I just take it, I'll get the love/attention I need. I will earn it, because love is suffering, and I have to suffer to earn getting my basic needs met from my family/friends. Mythal, as his creator, was the one who he would've attached to in a similar way to spirit Cole/human Cole.

Trauma bonds are pathological. Mythal made him believe that if he did as she asked, and kept supporting her, then eventually he would gain her favour and they would be able to free all the elves, and he'd be able to live according to his true nature, which is one where he doesn't have to fight. (Remember his personal quest in DAI? He actually kills the rebel mages for corrupting his friend--another Wisdom spirit--into Pride.) In reality, she was just using him. She always kept the bone just out of reach for her lapdog. The line from Rook where they say (paraphrasing here) 'you know, I was actually excited about getting your approval... That's how you do it, isn't it? Keeping giving little scraps of approval to keep someone loyal, and then you turn around and betray them' is so telling too.

Where--or from whom--do you think he learned to do this?

It literally reeks of a pathological trauma bond and honestly, with how isolated, 'grim and fatalistic' Solas is, it is not a surprise that he's so broken.

Solas, essentially, is little more than a lap-dog to Mythal. He followed her like a lost puppy, because especially in his early days, that's kind of what he was. You have to remember that most of the insight we get about Mythal is from Solas's perspective, and he is not a reliable person when it comes to her after so long being repeatedly terrorised and twisted and manipulated. There are several instances where he describes being betrayed by her, and mentions some of the things she did, but he never quite holds her fully accountable and ends up directing his rage elsewhere. (The parallel between Mythal/Solas and the rebel mages/Wisdom is important here.)

This awesome post by @mythalism only reinforces this. He is so messed up in that scene, he is broken, he is holding the Wolf's Fang up, trying to give it to her because it symbolises the burden he has carried for thousands of years trying to avenge her death. He never wanted the Fang, like he never wanted a body. Mythal just stands over him, fully aware of what she did to him, and only getting him to stop because Rook petitioned her successfully, and the reunion with the more benevolent Mythal within Morrigan tempered her anger. She was a goddess, with the unequal power dynamic, right to the end.

As a side note, on the potential romance element between Mythal and Solas, I read an excellent breakdown of it on Reddit a while ago about how out of character it would've been for Solas to keep something like that from a romanced Lavellan, especially in Trespasser when he comes clean about his plan/past. I can't find it now because it was pre-Veilguard release, but it made a lot of sense to me. Solas and Lavellan never have a love scene in DAI because Solas didn't want to 'lay with them under false pretences'. Lying about who you are when sleeping with someone is nonconsensual. You can't consent to sleeping with someone if you don't know their true identity, and someone who knowingly lies about who they are to get into your pants is a sexual predator. For someone who led a slave rebellion (no doubt many of them being sex slaves), and a former spirit of Wisdom, Solas would've been well aware of this. In the unsent letter from Solas to Lavellan he says he came so close to breaking and desperately wanted to stay with them as Solas, with the implication being that that is where he planned to sleep with them once he'd come clean. But because he stops, because he's still unable to forgive himself or release himself from his trauma bond with Mythal, he breaks away, and they never have sex.

Bottom line: Solas would've been honest about it. Especially that. As the Inquisitor says, he can't lie about his heart.

And it's why the Solas/Lavellan romance is so powerful because quote, 'you change everything'. Solas thought he knew what love was, that love was loyalty, devotion, worship, etc. It's not just his plans or worldview that Lavellan changes. Lavellan sees him for who he is, without the mantle of Dread Wolf, and because of that he's able to express his true nature to her, even if he's not being totally honest in Inquisition. Lavellan got much closer to the real him than most, as he says, and changed his understanding of love completely. Unfortunately, he has unfinished business, an unresolved trauma bond, and his crushing sense of duty to the past is what keeps him from taking that final step towards letting go of it entirely. Trick also says Solas doesn't think he deserves love, which tbh is kind of a hallmark trait of people who have survived abuse.

And honestly? Call me a simp but I think he really was trying to get the Inquisitor to stop him. He saw himself being unable to let go because he was so broken and burdened by his guilt, and knew he couldn't save himself--was too proud to admit that he couldn't, because how pathetic does it make him look? And how could he stop now without rendering all the damage he'd wrought pointless? Yet here was someone who had changed him right down to his core, who understood him in a way few people ever had, whom he trusted, whom he loved in a way he hadn't loved anyone else before. It took him 'centuries' to build up rapport with the members of his rebellion. The man doesn't not know how to form attachments without trauma, and suddenly he forms a strong one with someone who loves him completely and without condition. It's a jarring change.

Lavellan says that maybe they're being prideful themselves, refusing to see their own folly. But I think in admitting that they might be wrong, that it might be wishful thinking borne from misguided love to a truly terrible person, they've rendered the point moot. It shows self-awareness, which isn't folly.

If anyone can make Solas understand true love, it's Lavellan. Lavellan loved him when he was being his true self. Lavellan loved him after his betrayal was revealed. Lavellan loved him when his guilty conscience and terrible actions almost destroyed the world. Lavellan loved him because they knew the real him, and knew that his heart and spirit were broken, and knew that their love would endure, that their love would heal him.

And that's exactly where they end up. Healing the past, soothing the Blight, and loving one another completely.

[evilminji]

You know what would be funny?

If the downfall of the GIW and other anti-Ecto acts and organizations? Came about because of some long dead scholars pathological need to Be Right.

How? Would this work, you may ask? Oh, easily!

WIKIPEDIA.

Somebody is WRONG about FACTS. And that can not stand! You see, they were told... well, more OVERHEARD then anything else (during their annual and ongoing debate about EVERYTHING) from that...? Techmus? Fellow? Whomever he was.

They HEARD, there has been a MARVELOUS advancement in the realm of the Living! A collective knowledge repository! Imagine the possibilities! They must see it at ONCE!

So they harrass Danny about it. Obviously.

He finally caves. And, to prevent them going Wrath Of The Old Academic or something, shows them JUST technical papers sites and Wikipedia etc. That should fix things, right? They should be HAPPY, now, RIGHT?

WRONG.

These so called "Facts" are INCORRECT! I was THERE! We did not do THAT! Slander! Outrage! I shall BURN THEIR HOUSE DOW-!

Ooooookay, hold up! OR? We could EDIT the page? See that button? Push that.

They blink. Push up their spectacles. Squint at the screens more closely. Ah. So there IS! Their mistake! How silly, quite embarrassing. Now then... *furiously begins typing*

And? You obviously can just? Make random edits. Even if you seem to be correct. ESPECIALLY with out any sources. And no one will accept "I was There" as a source. We are discussing Pompeii. And a spcertain historically significant volcanic incident. NO YOU WERE NOT.

Yet? No matter HOW had the moderators try? They for some reason can not BLOCK this deluge of edits. It's unending. And not even a united front. As they edit each other's edits.

AND on top of THAT? Random papers are showing up in official journals. Ones that were NOT put there by the journal's staff. About alchemy or frogs or rebuttals to people no one has even HEARD off.

Obviously, it's? Kind of a Big Thing in the scientific and academic community. Everyone is talking about it and confused. Every Hero with a scientific job. Oracle, with her job at a LIBRARY. Anyone connected to them they ask to look into this. It keeps spreading.

Especially when the hackers FAIL to stop it.

Imagine Danny's horror. Just... IMAGINE it. He goes to bed. The old fogies content to quietly argue and merrily type away, certain he's distracted them. Harmless he thinks. Contained, he believes.

They blow up the internet. Bring the JUSTICE LEAGUE to his city.

He has to explain himself to BATMAN.

He's gonna cry. Stop laughing Tucker, this is absolutely a threat. He is GOING to cry on you. (T^T )

@ailithnight @the-witchhunter @hdgnj @nerdpoe

[sturn3]

i lowkey really got out of hand, girl... i'm sorry, i can re-do it if you'd like!!! (btw im not really sorry, im kinda proud of the smut i wrote) tw: not proofread cause im kinda lazy rn

matt's girlfriend was the sweetest angel anyone had ever met. always putting everyone's needs before her own. never wanting to disappoint anyone and she just had a very motherly nature, needing to take care of everyone around her.

so, that translated that she was a pathological people pleaser. taking up extra shifts at her work, always saying yes to her boss even though she didn't want to do something he suggested, giving her coworkers rides home, baking them the cookies she once brought to work and everyone continuesly asked for, giving rides to her coworkers and so much more.

her natural instinct of saying yes to everything to please everyone left her exhausted all the time. so, when she did have free time all she'd do is nap, that would be the case, of course, if no one of her friends called her to hang out or have her do some kind of chore. matt had finally had enough of missing his girlfriend so much and never having any time with her. and that's when he decided to intervene.

firstly, he decided to mix up her white laundry with a piece of red clothing, painting all of her formal clothes and cute lingerie, pink. you moved on and said, "That's fine, sweetie. everyone makes mistakes." matt had to work harder to pull out the beast he knew you were hiding.

secondly, he started messing up all of your orders. putting onion and peppers in every order, two vegetables you hated passionately.you did show a little more aggression towards that, but you picked the disgusting veggies off and made no deal about it.

thirdly, matt thought this was his best shot at getting out the worst version of you. you were currently enjoying a party at full swing, everyone was having fun and drinking. you were with your girlfriends a few feet away from where you had last left matt. what you had failed to realize yet was that matt had some added companion from the last time you looked over to him. a girl glued to his side. at that moment ,you didn't think you'd ever been angrier. matt tried to hide his smirk as he saw you stalking over to him with crossed arms over your chest. when you got there, you tapped the girl aggressively on her shoulder, causing her to turn around and give you a look as if you were the one interrupting something. she suddenly spoke, "what do you want?" she said as her big brown eyes bored over your figure,"for you to stop talking to my boyfriend." you said as you pushed her out of the way and grabbed matt by his hand.

you had to managed to get away from the crowded house party and inside his parked car."can you tell me why the fuck that bitch was on you like that? you fucking bored of me or something?" you said as you slapped down his neck, matt couldn't help but smile wickedly. "maybe." he replied testing you even more, he knew he was playing with fire. "maybe, huh?? i'll fucking show you how boring i am, matt. get in the back and strip." he knew not to piss you off more so that's what he did. finally, you climed to the backseat right after he had obeyed and done everything you had asked him to.

"so, you think you're funny, matt, yeah? you think i'm such a people pleasure who would let you fuck some random dumb whore?" oh my god, did he love seeing this side of you. he made a mental note to piss you more often. he was getting a bit too excited while you were sat on top of his lap and quite literally could feel his dick stood up against your thigh. "no, no that's not what i was trying to do. i love you, baby." you laughed bitterly at that, grabbing him by his face and pulling his lips close enough to yours, touching but never kissing, "well, i think you deserve a lesson, baby." you said mocking him. so you got to work. you were currently on your knees on the floor of his car, leaving kisses on the length of his dick and occasional "kitten" licks on his tip. taking your sweet time teasing him and making it more painful each moment you passed without doing anything further. the growns you'd hear of him, making your core drip to the carpet of his car, due to your lack of underwear. whenever he'd to push your head so you could take him further into your mouth, you'd shake your head and shot him a disapproving look and he'd quickly let go. after a while of teasing him, you decided to fully take him in your mouth. he almost came when your warm mouth came into contact with his dick. your movements slow and steady. keeping him guessing your next movement. he knew not to try you, either. but when you felt his dick twitch in your mouth, you decided it was time to let go. you had brought him to such point of overstimulation and overwhelm that he could feel tears spill from his eyes. sat perched up on his lap with your legs spread, your skirt so shirt, giving him a view of your pantie-less pussy, he wanted to cry. so, when you finally leaned in to kiss him, he sighed in relief. your lips moving so hungrily against each other, his kiss so bruising. you could feel his hands grab the bottom of your tight crop top and pull it off your head. hands immediately going to grab at your breasts, meanwhile kissing and sucking your collarbones. then, he went down to suck your nipples, paying equal attention to both of them, his hands dropping to play with you clit. your pornographic moans filling the silence of his car. when you pulled his hands away to replace them with his dick he was gone for. he came almost immediately, as expected. but that didn't stop you. you weren't gonna stop if you didn't get to cum. so you eagerly moved on his dick trying to reach your high. your breasts jumping up and down on his face, a sight he wishes he could see every waking second of his life. that fueled him to thrust up inside you, not being able to resist but play with your tits once more. kissing and sucking. "you're so perfect, baby. no one could compare to you, my love." he said as he pulled from your tits and looking up at you with a lust filled gaze. both of you came to a high eventually. completely spent from your actions. "you love this side of me, don't you?" you accused matt, he couldn't help but let out the biggest smile "mhm yeah really turns me on how crazy you can get.", "oh, is that so?" "yes, i love my sweet kind girlfriend but baby you need to let out more the insane girl only i get to see."

[stergeon]

spending some more time chewing on the concept of byleth and edelgard constantly writing each other letters—both while one of them is off traveling and also when they're both at home and seeing each other every day. there's one on the emperor's desk in her study; one in byleth's storage locker in the barracks; one left on a pillow or slipped into a pocket or tucked into a book the other is reading.

the emperor is interrupted during a big meeting by a page delivering a "most crucial missive from the commander." she unseals it in front of everyone and it's a crude drawing of a smiley face that says "hello i love you"

edelgard would write these excessively verbose things, very heavy on the poetry and flowery language. there are a couple paragraphs of updates and then page after page after page of "i love you"s and "i miss you"s communicated in ten thousand different and increasingly grandiloquent ways. byleth has learned to bring a dictionary along on her trips so she can decode all the sesquipedalian nightmare terms edelgard uses to tell her she's pretty. most letters start and end with an implied threat that if anyone other than byleth reads it or finds out how soft the emperor is, there will be hell to pay, but it doesn't stop her from proceeding to go ham on the romantic sappiness.

meanwhile byleth's letters are. pretty straight and to the point. she's keeping her posted about the weather, about this dog that she met, about a cool tree she saw, and transcribing direct quotes and best wishes from their friends. but she also includes little mementos she picked up or shiny things she found (she's like a crow with pretty rocks, shells, and baubles), and presses flowers that she thinks edelgard will like, and attempts to sketch things she wishes edelgard got to see with her. it's painfully obvious that byleth will never have an artistic career, but edelgard adores every single drawing all the same.

(hubert made a suggestion to have the emperor and her adviser use different seals or envelopes for their personal and official correspondence. this was accepted as reasonable. several months later, edelgard found out he made the suggestion after the third instance in which he'd been doing his secretarial duties and responding to the emperor's mail, only to find the message from the emperor's adviser did not, in fact, contain the woman's latest report on the situation in fhirdiad or fodlan's locket, but a rather lurid list of her intentions for the emperor upon returning home to enbarr. one contained a diagram. hubert did not examine it.)

edelgard, who hoards every paper she's ever had reason to touch and who has a (frankly, pathological) filing system for everything in her life, has a special container for byleth's letters that is under lock and key. byleth, who lived out of a rucksack for most of her life and constantly had to consider carry weight when vetting her few belongings, doesn't really know how to... have... things. she struggled with toting around all this paper for a while, but couldn't bear to toss out even the simplest "meet me at 4pm for the council meeting" message. she had to make peace with the concept of using a drawer for something like long-term storage and frequently checks to make sure they're all still there.

both of them keep their favorite ones in the back of their respective journals and act like they're not so extremely, terminally soft on each other.

[the-invisible-foe]

what are some common misconceptions about pathologic characters that ur sick of seeing in fandom spaces

anon thank you for blessing me with this wonderful ask this fine day

i'm gonna keep it pretty short for daniil because i don't want this to become a defense post about him and i think i've already said all there is to say but literally can we stop mischaracterizing him to this degree? it's very obvious that daniil does care about the town and the people around him given that he keeps trying to help in any way he can even when he has nothing to personally gain by doing so. and unless you're going for all the 'i'm an asshole' options in his dialogue he's actually polite and even endearing at certain points? especially that considering that during his own route he's pretty much thugging it out on his own, if anything helping the other two playable characters instead of the other way round, but in the haruspex and chageling route he's the one you turn to for help when stuff gets tough. here's a post that includes some of his lines that illustrate this point. also the implication that he's some clueless asshole that doesn't know what he's doing while artemy is The Good Doctor That Saves Everyone TM is a horrible misreading of the story and the framing of the plot. the bachelor's route is specifically a story about a person who finds themselves in such a hostile setting that, despite their best efforts, is unable to find their footing and ultimately fails at everything they try to accomplish. by interpreting this aspect of the game as daniil himself being incompetent you have missed out one of the most major points this game is trying to make.

as for artemy, i partly blame this on the developers themselves and how they handled his p2 characterisation but i dont like how the grittier aspects of his character are ignored in favor of a loving father persona. artemy can be a huge dick in classic, as can all three playable characters and a big part of why i like his and daniils relationship so much is because they're both these cold, reserved, introverted guys but allow themselves to enjoy an easier dynamic between them. i think that aspect of their relationship doesn't really work if you hc artemy as someone who is kind and cheerful from the get go.

in a similar vein i also don't like how perceptions of clara often boil down to silly teenage girl who makes meta jokes when her character is so much more than that. people completely ignore the unflattering aspects of her character, like how self-righteous she really is. i mean she's literally making it up as she goes and yet she feels so confident in herself and her methods that she finds it acceptable to trick the only two doctors into a rivalry (and then sell them out to each other for supplies despite fully believing that they intend to kill each other). also, most of the time she is not as silly and impish as people make her out to be- that's mostly the changeling. in the moments when she is herself, clara is pretty depressed.

i also dont like anna angel slander because, is she a child murderer? yeah. was she also abducted as a child herself and found herself in an extremely difficult position at a very early age? also yeah. iirc correctly shes 18 in the game and the ace of diamonds events happened years prior so basically she was a child herself. not that its wrong to criticize child murder because obviously but the way some people speak about her is insane.

also this is completely hc based and of lesser importance than everything else but i have difficulty getting behind anything remotely kinky when it comes to burakhosky because to me they will always be the kind of couple that read in silence next to each other before falling asleep at the late hour of 10:30 pm.

[etrsilk]

hi!!<3 I hope ur having a good day/night!!

ur wrighting is soo amazing and I was wondering if you could to the main 4 with a reader whose constantly like freezing cold ?:>

I know it's a lil silly and u don't have to do this is u don't wanna, sorry if this is confusing!!

𝐖𝐖𝐖.𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓.𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄

₊✩‧₊˚ ᡣ𐭩 𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑 ⇝ 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐝

˗ˏˋ ➛ 𝙞𝙣𝙘𝙡𝙪𝙙𝙚𝙨: 𝘒𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘶𝘢,𝘎𝘰𝘯,𝘒𝘶𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘪𝘬𝘢,𝘓𝘦𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘰

˗ˏˋ ➛ 𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 — ✘

˗ˏˋ ➛ 𝙜𝙚𝙣𝙧𝙚 — 𝘧𝘭𝘶𝘧𝘧

⎝ 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚:: First of all thank you very much!ヾ( ˃ᴗ˂ )◞ ♡ first of all thank you very much! here is your request I hope you like it!

 —𝐊𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐔𝐀ꫂ ၴႅၴ

➘ Killua loves to tease you, and it has even become a sort of running joke between you two. He finds it amusing how you can always be so cold, even when it’s 40°C. However, he sees it as an opportunity to be romantic, so he doesn’t really mind it.

➘ He always makes sure you have a way to stay warm. Once, he gave you hand warmers, insisting that you always carry them with you, especially when he’s not around, so he can have “peace of mind.”

➘ When he can’t provide you with a way to warm up, he takes your hand in his and tells you stories to distract you from the cold. It’s his way of comforting you and making you forget about the freezing temperatures.

➘ Killua always thinks ahead, making sure to bring scarves, coats, or gloves for you. And if by chance neither of you remembered, he would obviously sacrifice himself by giving you his coat. He constantly ensures your comfort, even at the expense of his own.

 —𝐊𝐔𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐈𝐊𝐀ꫂ ၴႅၴ

➘ At first, he didn’t immediately notice how extremely sensitive you are to the cold. But once he did, he became quite concerned about it. He needs to know that you’re always okay, and even though he realizes he might take it too seriously, he simply can’t help himself.

➘ Over time and out of habit, he instantly realizes when you’re even a little bit cold. No matter what you say, he will always insist that you take his sweater or jacket because “you need it more than I do.”

➘ When he sees you shivering, he gently takes your head and rests it against his chest, then wraps you in a warm hug until you stop trembling. These moments of tenderness are precious and comforting.

➘ He loves surprising you with gloves, coats, or scarves that he finds beautiful. You now have quite a collection of these accessories, each one carefully chosen by him.

➘ It’s even possible that you’ve pretended to shiver just so he would take care of you… but it’s okay, we forgive and understand you completely.

 —𝐆𝐎𝐍ꫂ ၴႅၴ

➘ Like Kurapika, it takes him a bit of time to understand that you’re always cold, but over time, he gets better at noticing and attending to your needs.

➘ When Gon notices that you’re cold, he does everything he can to warm you up. He might give you his jacket, hold you in his arms, prepare warm drinks, or try to distract you with all sorts of activities.

➘ He often uses romantic methods to help you warm up. For instance, he might insist that you do some physical activity, like running, saying that “moving helps to warm up.”

➘ Even though Gon can be a bit scatterbrained, he always tries to remember to bring warm clothes for you. He even bought you hand warmers and insists that you carry them with you all the time.

➘ He loves taking your hands in his, rubbing them gently, kissing them, or slipping them into his pocket to warm you up. These small, thoughtful gestures show how much he cares about you and wants you to be comfortable.

 —𝐋𝐄𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐎ꫂ ၴႅၴ

➘ Even if you tell him otherwise, he quickly realizes that you are freezing and does everything he can to relieve and warm you up.

➘ As a doctor, Leorio once wondered if you had some kind of pathology or illness, but no, you’re just excessively sensitive to the cold. This makes him smile and even more determined to take care of you.

➘ In your work bag, he always slips in hand warmers and gloves, knowing how forgetful you can be. He wants to make sure you’re well-equipped to face the cold, even when he’s not there to watch over you.

➘ He often uses your extreme sensitivity to the cold as an excuse to be as close to you as possible. He loves to snuggle, hug, and caress you, always finding ways to keep you warm while enjoying tender moments together.

—English is not my first language, so sorry for any mistakes!!

[thisgirlnamedblusy]

Holy moly, your last story had me feeling feelings.

The sentence about the unborn baby being jealous got me thinking tho, what if their kid inherited some of Donna's possessive traits, like always wanting to be by y/n's side, much to the chagrin of poor Donna, who hasn't been able to cuddle reader at night without a (sometimes two) little body wiggling into their bed. And as their daughter grows, she kinda sees Donna as a threat, someone who takes her moms attention away. Donna doesn't rightly know how to deal with the feeling of love for her child, and annoyance at not having reader for themselves.

UNTIL one day when reader and child is taking a walk through the forest, and a couple of men comes up and threatens them, only for mama Donna to turn up and rescue them. Both Donna and her daughter have a revelation that day: Donna from how scared she would be if anything happened to both her love and her child, and daughter from how she now sees Donna as her mama too, who would always protect and love her. And they make an unspoken pact about protecting reader always xD

You don't have to write this if you don't want to, I just got the mama Donna brainrot lol

Thanks for feeding us starving queers some quality Donna content

Yesss!!!! Thank you for your words, and for your request! I'm glad to read you enjoyed that one!!! I hope you like it and sorry about the language mistakes!!! :))))

A long road to motherhood

Pairing: Donna Beneviento x Fem! Reader

Warnings: G!P Donna (implied), slightly dark themes, Donna's POV

Word count: 7,112

Summary: How I can be jealous of my own daughter?

N/A: Sorry about the language mistakes!!! Requests are open!!! This is a sequel to this one!!! I love you all!!! :))

As they say, time heals wounds.

After almost losing you, after seeing how life became more and more distant from your sight, I was able to get you back.

A miracle, the sign that my sins were forgiven, I couldn't say what exactly it was. I have always thought that coincidence doesn’t exist, even when I met you, a bad deed that was rewarded, a trip to hell of having you immobile in a bed. I could never forget the two weeks when I almost lost you, when my whole world almost collapsed, because of me.

But no, life stopped torturing me, you woke up, you woke up wanting to make me feel good, to forgive me, to continue loving me as I didn't think you did.

If I had to keep a memory in my mind, only one, I would choose the moment in which I turned my head and saw your eyes open, your sweet look from that stretcher, life shining in your eyes again, looking at me.

I made an effort not to torture myself, to not let the nightmares make my nights impossible. It could be because I was still mentally ill, I couldn't separate myself from what life had given me, but I had to be strong. It was no longer you and me. There was someone, someone much more important to care for, someone to fight day and night for with my demons, with my jealousy, with my stupid and sick way of being: our daughter, Giovanna.

Born from my mistakes, from my pathological possessiveness, that girl represented everything pure that was missing in my life. My family, our family had been formed thanks to the biggest mistake of my life, thanks to that horrible afternoon in which I took what I thought was mine.

Luckily, the girl kept me away from your screams of terror, from the way you resisted my actions. Little by little I began to forget it, especially when I saw that childish smile in the girl's eyes. She had no hard feelings. If her birth was a mistake, it would be the best one in my life.

Maybe not the way she was conceived, but I could feel proud of the change that little Giovanna Beneviento made in our lives. I almost lost you because of my selfishness, but I got you back because... Well, I couldn't say why exactly. Maybe you forgave me, maybe you never could. I didn't know, with you it was impossible to know.

The years passed, the girl grew up and with her everything we had formed by chance, because of me, settled into routine, like a new way of living, of caring, of loving...

“Asleep,” you said amused, entering the bedroom, closing the door, wearing that smile on your face, the one I didn't think I deserved.

Luck smiles on the wicked, it smiled on me, the luck of having you, of having you and our daughter. I was not worthy of such honor, such light that had appeared in the darkness of my life.

“She’s alright?” I asked, getting under the covers. You nodded, motioning with your thumb, joining me.

“Yes, she's with Angie,” you answered, kissing me quickly. I frowned, with an amused look.

“That doesn't answer my question,” I whispered, kissing her shoulder, thanking with my lips that you never left, that all my flaws seemed like just an illusion to you.

“Well, I told her the story of the princess and the eel, it is her favorite,” you said with an interesting look. I shook my head, laughing at that attitude you had, that attitude that didn't disappear even in your worst moments. I didn't deserve you.

“The princess and the frog,” I corrected, narrowing my eye, with a sinister smile. You laughed, disapproving of my correction with a wave of your hand and a tired sigh.

“No, no, Donna,” you whispered, with a mocking tone. “You heard me correctly. Eel.”

“What difference does it make?” I asked curiously, admiring your imagination, your ability to make Giovanna fall asleep every night with those made-up stories. Only you could do it.

“Oh, I'm glad you’ve asked me...” you whispered, darkening your voice, making me pay more attention to you. “Well, when the princess kisses the toad, it becomes a prince, right?”

I nodded, listening to you with curiosity, trying not to let my eye go to the scar on your arm, the one that showed the worst two weeks of my life, the ones in which I was on the verge of losing you, because of me.

“Well, in my story, when the princess kisses the eel, the prize is… an electric tickle attack!” you said loudly, attacking me mercilessly, running over my body with your restless hands, making me laugh involuntarily.

“(Y/N)...” I said, grabbing your wrists to end your torture.

“Do you like my story?” you asked, climbing onto my lap, with that shine in your eyes that made me tremble, get excited. You were so perfect, so sweet... So... Fiery.

“Is that the end?” I asked, hugging your body, keeping it close to mine, rocking it. You pretended to think about the answer, which came in the form of a tender, but hot kiss on my lips, one that made me sigh.

“Well, that's the all-audiences ending,” you purred in my ear, forcing my hands to scratch the fabric of your pajamas as a result of the subtle but perceptible movement of your hips against mine.

“Is there an alternative ending?” I asked with a low voice, impatiently putting my hand in your pants, keeping your gaze, which drifted to my lap while you nodded.

“Yes, but it can't be told,” you whispered, reacting to my touch with erratic movements of your body.

“Maybe you can show it to me,” I said, with a smile close to your lips, noticing your nervous breathing, your desire to love me once again, to let yourself be loved, this time for real, that time without arguments, without terrible ideas going through my head.

“Maybe I can,” you whispered, melting into me in a passionate, hot, wet kiss, dancing with my body, caressing my hair, my back, comically fighting with your pajamas so they would disappear from our path.

 “Mom, mom!” a shrill voice sounded behind the door, causing you to move, to turn away from me with scared eyes.

Small steps approached the bed and with the strength that a 6 year old girl could have, Giovanna climbed up to meet us.

“Gio, what are you doing here?” you asked, your face blushing. “Why did you get up?”

“I've had a nightmare...” the girl murmured, looking at me out of the corner of her eye, with a strange feeling that made me raise my eyebrow.

“Oh, a nightmare?” you said, taking the girl in her arms. “You just fell asleep, darling.”

“Yes, but I had the nightmare,” she said, looking away. Was she lying?

“Oh, poor Gio, the evil monsters again?” you asked with a tender voice, placing the little girl between the two of us.

I couldn't help but sigh tiredly. It might seem like a tender moment, a moment when our daughter needed that coveted motherly love. Well, it could be like that, but I knew it wasn't.

When she was born, she was a good baby, who cried like a normal baby, who let herself be rocked, who fell asleep in my arms. That changed over the years. Somehow, as if she had noticed the absence of her mother in the first moments of her life, she could no longer live without her.

Always with you, the girl was always with you, she cooked with you, she bathed with you, and, of course, she slept with you.

The nights stopped being a small bastion of intimacy between us when Giovanna had enough capacity to reason. Sometimes I thought she did it on purpose, to annoy me. She couldn't think that way. I really was trying not to think that way.

“Yes, mom...” the little girl sighed, causing another hug from you and a look of helplessness that you gave me over your shoulder. “Can I sleep here?”

“No, tesoro,” I said, taking the girl in my arms, in a furious outburst at that interruption.

I wouldn't have acted like that if it hadn't been the countless times it happened. “Come on, let's put you to bed.”

“No! I want to stay with mom,” the girl protested, breaking free from my grip, crawling comically across the bed to reach your arms. You laughed, shaking your head.

“(Y/N), tell her something,” I said, showing clear displeasure at the situation. My patience grew as the girl did, but lately it was slowing down, maybe too fast.

You shrugged, hugging our daughter, who seemed to be having another of her usual tantrums.

“Oh, come on, Donna, poor thing. It's okay. She can sleep with us,” you said, giving in to the little girl's emotional blackmail, to those fake tears that ran down her cheek.

“It's okay if it were the first time, (Y/N)” I said, sitting on the bed. “She has to learn to face her fears.”

“Mamma mean... Mom, mamma is mean...” Giovanna said, hanging on to your pajamas, looking at me with eyes that I wished I had never seen. They seemed full of hatred, irrational hatred. Why did she remind me so much of me?

“No, don't say that, honey, mommy Donna isn't mean, she cares about you,” you sighed, cradling the little girl in your arms.

I laughed nervously and crossed my arms, shaking my head. Despised by my own daughter, was this the punishment that awaited me for my horrible acts?

“Well, then she has to let me sleep with you,” the girl said, without bothering to look at my face.

“She's going to do it, right, Donna?” you asked, looking at me. I couldn't do anything else. I had to nod in defeat, for my own daughter.

“Oh, okay,” I huffed, getting under the covers.

I looked at the girl, the girl looked at me and did something that made me sit up again. Her face radiated the sweet taste of victory, sticking her tongue out at me mockingly.

“Hey!” I protested, annoyed by that unpleasant gesture. “(Y/N), the girl stuck her tongue out at me.”

“Oh, come on, stop it and let's go to sleep,” you said tiredly, turning off the light on the table, enveloping the room in the deepest darkness.

I wanted to protest again, to punish Giovanna for treating me that way, but I did nothing, as always. I just crossed my arms again, pressed against the edge of the bed.

Silence finally reigned in my head, and in my ears. Frustrated and nervous, I thought about everything that was happening, about my daughter's unfair attitude towards me. You said that perhaps she had inherited that possessiveness.

 I trembled to think that it could be that way.

Of all my flaws, that was the worst. Just thinking that my daughter could become someone like me... My entire body trembled with terror at that idea, my stomach clenched as I imagined it. Giovanna had inherited almost all of my looks, that wasn't a bad thing. But that her mind worked like mine, that she thought she had to have you to herself...

No, that was something that horrified me, something I tried to ignore in each and every one of her tantrums.

With my eye open, thinking about that possibility, I spent part of the night, well, until a small foot hit me in the face, snapping me out of my own personal torture.

“Mamma, move, I don't have room,” the girl protested, causing me to grunt, pushing her small leg away with an angry gasp.

“You have plenty of room, Giovanna,” I said with a serious voice, perhaps too serious for such a young girl. She didn't seem to care and she continued kicking my body until she forced me to fall off the bed with a thud.

“Mamma, you fell,” my daughter whispered, with a malicious tone, with a tone I hated hearing.

A mocking laugh reached my ears. It wasn't the girl. It was you, (Y/N).

Did you really find it funny that my daughter looked down on me like that? My dark mind lurked in my thoughts, but I was stronger, at that moment I could control my impulses, although I didn't know for how long.

“Do you find it funny? Your daughter kicked me out of bed,” I said furiously, suddenly getting up from the floor.

“No, no, not at all,” you said, not knowing how to hide the mockery that appeared in your words.

I sighed again, running a hand through my hair, shaking my head.

“You know what? You can stay there, I'm leaving,” I said furiously, grabbing one of the cushions from the bed, leaving the room, stopped by your mocking hand on my wrist.

“Come on, Donna, stop acting like a child and go back to bed,” you said, your voice tired. I opened my eyes wide, offended by that reproach.

“Do I behave like a child?” I asked, with my hands on my hips. “Tell your daughter, she hasn't stopped until she kicked me out of bed and...”

“Donna, stop it,” you scolded me, leaving me glued to the wooden floor. “I don't know which of the two is more childish, really...” you sighed, turning around, letting me go.

I opened my mouth to say something, but my insides were churning furiously. I knew I was right, but I couldn't help but feel that it was internal rage, an uncontrolled rage that clouded my disturbed mind was the reason for all your suffering. I would never hurt you again, (Y/N), ever again.

“Buoa notte,” I whispered before disappearing down the hallway, walking towards the office.

Lying back on that old sofa, I thought about whether all of that was really a punishment, if the happiness I felt from having you next to me, from having a family, was just the illusion of reward, instead of a macabre game of hell itself.

“Hello, hello, hello, exiled again?” a familiar, too familiar voice asked, Angie, who entered the office with an amused step.

“What do you think?” I asked, settling down on that horrible sofa, looking away from that annoying doll. “If you did your job well…”

“What job?” the doll asked, jumping into my stomach, with a maddening voice that I didn't need to hear.

“Giovanna has had nightmares again,” I commented in a low voice, forcing Angie to get off my body, turning around, trying not to stick the wood of that sofa that little by little was becoming my new bed.

“Oh, I didn't know,” she muttered, climbing up again, just to annoy me. Why would my own conscience want to annoy me? It seemed like everyone was against me, as always.

“You didn’t know? You sleep with her,” I said incredulously, suspecting something I already knew. Angie shrugged, shaking her head from side to side. “Piccola bugiarda…”

“Don't blame her. She wants to be with her mother,” the doll said, downplaying the fact that my daughter was a little liar, something admirable at her age, but equally irritating.

“I'm her mother too,” I protested, sitting up, saying out loud a truth that my own daughter seemed to deny from the moment she said her first word, from the moment she decided not to separate from you.

“That's quite obvious,” Angie murmured, making me roll my eye and cross my arms, pressing my nails into my skin.

“But it seems like I’m not... Giovanna doesn't see me as such,” I said with a lower voice. “Cazzo, Angie, I can't even spend a moment with (Y/N) alone...”

“Oh...” the puppet sighed, forcing me to look at her. “I don't think you're jealous of your own daughter, Donna.”

“What? Of course I’m not,” I said immediately, separating that possibility from my head, the possibility that had been tormenting me for some time.

“Well, it seems like it,” Angie rebuked, earning a strong push from me to took her off the couch.

“Don’t say nonsense. I'm sure it's a phase or something...” I muttered, grabbing the cushion to channel my anger into that piece of fabric instead of losing my nerve.

I hadn't lost my mind for too long, I wanted you to be proud of me.

“Well, well, what you want is to be alone with (Y/N) to make more babies to get on my nerves,” the irreverent puppet commented.

I huffed tiredly. Of course, Angie was part of me. She was just as possessive and jealous as me, as Giovanna...

“You don't understand,” I said in a dark tone, looking away from her. “I adore our daughter but I would like to have time for (Y/N) and me and… Besides, I'm afraid of…”

“Of what, Donna?”

“I’m afraid of Giovanna being like me”

That night I barely slept. The erratic thoughts in my head wandered freely thanks to the lack of your body hugging mine, your heat dissipating my demons. No, I couldn't be jealous of Giovanna, I couldn't feel hatred towards the person I loved most in the world. Or maybe I can, I didn't know, I was incapable of controlling everything that was going through my head, I was incapable of not seeing myself in my daughter's hateful glances.

“Good morning, darling...” your soft voice, your caresses on my hair woke me up from my recurring nightmares, some in which my old self took control of my actions, some in which I hurt you, again. “Have you been able to sleep?”

“Yes, well, I'm used to that horrible couch,” I murmured, yawning, sitting up to return those precious caresses, that kiss that I wanted to give you to calm my senses.

“Donna,” you sighed, with a sad look, lack of that fun that always guided your life. “Come on, don't be mad.”

“I'm not mad,” I said defensively, bringing my knees to my chest. “How did the little princess sleep?” I asked, unable to prevent irony from coating my words.

“Well, well, it seems like she doesn't have nightmares anymore,” you commented, oblivious to the mockery of my question, or rather, wanting to be oblivious to it.

“Yeah, sure,” I said, shaking my head, with a fake smile on my face.

“Don't be like that with Gio, she's a little girl, it's normal that she wants to be with her mother,” you explained, never ceasing in your attempt to calm me down with your caresses.

 I wish it had been that easy from the beginning, I wish your love could have put an end to my jealousy.

“With you, of course,” I murmured angrily, squeezing my fist tightly, a fist you grabbed, undoing its shape before it hurt me, again.

“Don't have a hard time, my love. You know what Giovanna is like, she's like…”

“Like me,” I interrupted, making you sigh intensely and lower your gaze. That was what you were going to say, it doesn't matter if you denied it.

“Yes, but not in the way you're thinking,” you said, lying, I could see it in your eyes, you were lying.

Liar

“I need to take a shower,” you commented, leaving aside that interesting and dangerous topic of conversation. “Why don't you give the girl breakfast? So you spend some time together.”

“She’s going to to bite me,” I murmured, unintentionally earning another of your tender laughs, another of your quick kisses on the lips, caresses and kisses I never deserved.

“Stop protesting and act like a mother,” you said amused, leaving the office.

I growled, uncovering myself and going to look for that little monster.

“Come on, Giovanna, drink the milk...” I said, tired of the girl's obvious refusal.

Already dressed, I prepared to fulfill the task you gave me, bathing the little girl and giving her breakfast. To say it was easy was a dirty liar. It was not.

Giovanna's protests grated in my ears. She loved her mother, she loved you.

“I don't want to, where is mom?” Giovanna asked, in a childlike posture, crossing her arms and dodging each of my attempts to bring the glass to her mouth.

“Mom is taking a shower, come on, obey,” I said, already tired from that infernal bath, from the kicks and punches of protest from my daughter, from our daughter. If she didn't look so much like me, I'd think she was just yours.

“I don't want to,” the girl said, looking at me proudly. I snorted, getting angry.

“Giovanna...” I hissed threateningly, sternly. She shook her head. “Come on, don't make it more difficult for me.”

“What have you done to mom?” she asked, leaving me stunned, leaving me breathless because of that horrible accusation.

“What are you talking about, tesoro?” I asked incredulously at those words, at that question. Did she remember she existed because I forced you to? It didn't seem possible.

“Mom's not here, I'm sure it's your fault,” the girl repeated, without looking at my face, gracefully avoiding my attempts to get her to eat breakfast.

“Don't talk nonsense and have breakfast at once,” I said tiredly, ignoring that horrible accusation.

“I don't want to, I want mom to come,” Giovanna said, kicking in the chair, threatening with another tantrum.

“I told you... Mom is taking a shower,” I whispered, losing my patience. “Eat breakfast or I won't let you play with Angie.”

Apparently, the threat of punishment had an effect. The girl clumsily picked up the glass, drinking some milk. I sighed in relief, but not for long. With a mocking sound, the milk in her mouth shot into the worst possible place, into my face.

I blinked in shock at this evil act and tried to ignore the boisterous laughter of the Angie doll, who seemed to be writhing on the floor, amused at my expense.

“It's over, you're punished,” I said furiously, grabbing the little girl's arm, who protested with an exaggerated scream.

“Let me go! Mom!” the little girl yelled, disconsolately calling her mother, calling you, her savior.

“Stai zitto, Giovanna,” I said furiously with a dark voice, but maintaining my composure, wiping my face.

“Lasciami in pace!” she screeched in response, moving erratically.

“Io sono la tua mamma, ascoltami, Giovanna...” I whispered, stopping that protest as best I could, being totally incapable.

“Tu non sei la mia mamma, sei una stupida!” she screamed, insulting me, making it clear that she didn't love me, that she only loved you.

That was a hard blow for my fragile mind, too hard.

“Hey, hey...” your voice resonated to calm that bloody battle, appearing from the hallway with a gaze fixed on the girl, with a frown. “What's going on here? If you're going to fight, at least do it in my language, will you?”

 “Your daughter, (Y/N), that's what's happening,” I said furiously, unable to get rid of the strong accent that anger made me have. You approached, shaking your head, running a hand through my hair.

“What happened to you? Has a cow fallen on your face?” you joked, making the girl laugh in amusement, being picked up by your protective arms.

I didn't know what to say, I simply tried to fight against my wounded heart, against the tears that threatened to slide down my cheek.

With a growl, I walked away from you, quickly, ignoring your calls.

“Donna! Hey, Donna! Come here,” you shouted, calling me. I turned to look at you, but I could only see the girl's triumphant eyes, ones that almost made me lose control.

I ignored your screams, going down to the basement, running quickly towards my room, containing the rage that was beginning to build up in my fists.

Furious, I kicked a chair, kicked the bed, and pulled my hair. The situation was unbearable but... No, I couldn't lose my mind in front of you, of our daughter. I couldn't go back to being that evil woman who ruined your life, the one who forced you through her deranged mind. I didn't want it to come back, but I couldn't stop it.

“Maledizione!” I shouted, releasing all my anger in a punch that hit the mirror of the old dresser. Blood flowed from my hand. The pain was intense, but not compared to the damage to my delicate, sensitive, sick heart...

How to deal with the love I felt for you, and for my daughter? How to handle those horrible feelings that haunted me? I loved Giovanna. I loved her more than my own life, even if she didn't feel the same way.

Jealousy, possessiveness, yes, there was no longer any doubt, it was my fault. Giovanna was born for that reason. She came into the world because of my pathetic and crazy obsession with keeping you by my side. Just as it happened with me, it happened with her. My desire not to lose you, to keep you close to me had passed to Giovanna, turning her into my reflection, into an adorable version of the monster that I considered myself to be.

The situation was getting out of control. I should never have been a mother, I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve to have you by my side. Your words, the love you said you felt for me were no longer enough.

That was my punishment for keeping you. That was my punishment for all the harm I did to you, creating something wonderful, a beautiful daughter, only for me to be nothing to her, just a nuisance, a threat that stood between her mother and her.

I looked at the blood that flowed from my knuckles, that blood that reminded me that I was still a human being. I shook my head, I buried it in my arms and there, in the solitude of my room, far from my family, far from the most important things in the world for me, I cried inconsolably.

“Quando ci vuole, ci vuole, mm?” I repeated that phrase looking at myself in the broken mirror, demanding a bit of fortitude from myself, gaining enough strength to get up and return to your side.

No matter how hard the path was, my duty was to walk along it. That was my penance.

“You shouldn't treat mommy that way, honey... She loves you very much.” Your voice caught my attention, making me hide before revealing myself again.

“She doesn't love me, she just wants to take me away from you,” the girl said, sobbing. That made me squirm again, but I managed to stay calm.

“No, that's not true, darling. Donna would do anything for you, for us… Remember how she made you Mrs. Freckles? She's your favorite doll, right?” you asked, giving Giovanna that doll, one that I made her when she was three years old, when she didn't hate me.

“Yes...” Giovanna said, hugging the doll tightly. That was the closest I'd come to her to give me some love the last two years. I cried again thinking about it.

“Besides, you don't remember but... Thanks to your mom, you're healthy and strong now, I'm sure you didn't know that,” you commented, with a soft voice, cradling the girl, calming her tantrum.

Giovanna shook her head, curious.

“I don't remember,” she said, with her hand on her mouth, in an adorable way. Well, at least it made me smile.

“Of course not, you had just been born and I... Well, I got very, very sick... I couldn't take care of you, but do you know who did?” you asked, with a voice similar to the one you used when you told her a story.

 The girl shook her head.

“Donna, your mommy, she took care of you until I got well again. She fed you, changed your diaper, sang lullabies to you to make you fall asleep...” You explained, making the knot in my stomach grow stronger. I didn't want to remember those two weeks, I didn't want to.

“Mamma Donna?” the girl asked, lowering her gaze.

“Yes, honey, she was very kind to you, you should be a good girl and return her favor, don't you think?” you said, with a softer voice.

The girl seemed to think about it, but finally, just as I suspected, she shook her head.

“Go to play with Angie, okay?” you said when you looked at me out of the corner of your eye, when you realized my presence. “Then we could take a walk in the forest, would you like to?”

“Yes, yes, a walk!” Giovanna said, excited about the idea, running around the room, passing by me without even looking at me.

“Donna, darling,” you sighed, walking slowly towards me, looking down at my wound, still bleeding. “Oh, my love… Have you hurt yourself again?”

I nodded, trying not to look at her, feeling ashamed, feeling that I was the monster you seemed to fall in love with once again.

“Gods, what have you done? Come, let's heal you,” you sighed, with that look you had when my mind went crazy, something that hadn't happened for too long.

Slowly, with a sad look, you bandaged my wound, not wanting to say anything, looking at me from time to time, with pity, thinking you had lost me again.

“Giovanna said I wasn't her mother,” I murmured while you worked on my wound. You looked at me, sighing, closing the bandage around my hand, holding it in yours.

“Don't pay attention to her, she's a little girl. You know that children say a lot of nonsense,” you commented, lifting my chin so you could see my face damaged by crying.

“It's not nonsense,” I said, furious again.

"Of course it is. Giovanna loves you, even if she doesn't tell you, I know,” you said in a soft tone, trying to convince me to abandon that shameful jealousy, that lack of your love that girl was forcing me to feel.

“You think so?” I said, turning around, looking on the coffee table for one of the many drawings my daughter made and showing it to you superbly. “Where am I here?”

“Oh, well...” you said, taking the sheet of paper, looking at the figures of Giovanna, Angie and you. “Oh, look, here you are,” you said smiling, pointing to a small black figure in the corner of the paper. I raised my eyebrows.

“There are lint in this house bigger than that black stain,” I said ironically, becoming defensive again.

“That black stain is you,” you joked, nudging me. I looked at you with a burning gaze, making you step back.

“Exactly, I'm just a black stain in our daughter's life, and in your life,” I murmured, looking away.

“No, that's not true, you know I love you very much Donna. You know that I...” you said, almost begging for me to listen to you, too late.

“I have to work on my dolls,” I said, getting up from the couch, rubbing the bandaged wound on my hand. “Thank you for healing me.”

“Donna, honey, wait...”

Nothing you said could be enough to calm the tide of my dark thoughts.

Just a black stain, a monster that wanted to separate my daughter from her mother, that was me in that family, nothing else.

“We'll be back before it gets dark,” you said, kissing me on the cheek as you said goodbye, heading out the door. “Come on, Gio, give mommy a kiss,” you ordered the girl, who was tugging impatiently at your dress.

“I don't want to,” the girl murmured, taking refuge between your legs. “Come on, mom, come on.”

You looked at me, apologizing for her, I shook my head. Not even Angie stayed with me.

With nothing better to do, I leaned on the porch railing, watching you walk away, letting my mind think that this might be the last time I saw you. In my hands, I held the black veil with which I used to cover my face, imagining a fleeting hope that would allow me to go with you.

I'm just stupid, like my daughter said. I didn't deserve the fantastic family I had. I never did it, it was all my fault.

“Look, Donna, what a kick... It's incredible...”

“Do you think we should paint the room? It's a bit dull for a girl, or a boy...”

“I want to see what it's like...”

As I looked somewhere I didn't notice, I remembered those moments, those horrible moments of your pregnancy, horrible, yes, but also tender, adorable. I was to blame for your suffering and your smiles. The harm that little Giovanna did to you was the first of my punishments.

I sighed, letting a tear fall onto the wooden floor, shaking my head, denying myself the truth of a terrible thought. You would be much better off without me.

“Donna, Donna!” A shrill voice derived that horrible thought from my head. My Angie doll appeared from the trees, clumsily running towards me.

“Angie? What's going on?” I asked, shaking my head as I ran to pick up the puppet, who was panting comically from that impromptu run.

“(Y/N), (Y/N) and Gio are in trouble, you have to help them, quickly!” the doll shouted, pulling the fabric of my dress. I, scared by that phrase, calmed the puppet by shaking it so it would stop babbling.

“What? In trouble?” I asked scared, with my body trembling with fear.

“Some bad men have trapped them in the forest, you have to do something, run, run!”

Frightened by that revelation, I put the black veil over my face, lowering the doll to the ground. My gaze darkened.

Nobody touches my family.

“Okay, take me there, Angie,” I whispered.

The doll nodded and led me by the hand into the depths of the forest.

“Do you want to stay still, you damn brat?” A deep voice reached my ears. This horrible vision appeared behind some bushes.

Two men, probably from the village, were holding my daughter, holding you in the same way while you kicked, trying unsuccessfully to get out of their grasp.

“Ah! Damn! She has bitten me!” The fatter one yelled, protesting against Giovanna's surprising attack against his hand.

“Let my mom go, you silly! Let her go!” the girl shouted, now in the arms of that evil man.

“Damn child!” the other man shouted, trying to keep you still.

“Gio!” you screamed, watching how the girl kicked tirelessly. My whole body burned with rage. “Let her go, you asshole, she's a child!”

“I will if you give me what I want, young lady,” the bandit murmured.

“I already told you that we don't have money!” you screamed again, growling, fighting with the hands that went to your neck.

“I think so, look at that girl's doll, it must be worth a lot of lei...”

“No, Mrs. Freckles!” Giovanna yelled, when that vermin snatched her doll.

“You're screwing up quite well... You don't know where you've gotten yourself,” you growled, your eyes burning with helplessness.

I couldn't take it anymore.

“Mamma!”  Giovanna  said when I, with a calm, threatening step, appeared from the shadows.

“Ah!” the fat man shouted, receiving a well-deserved kick in the crotch from my daughter, something that made me smile.

“Damn... What the hell...?” the man murmured, now moaning in pain, while I picked up my frightened daughter in my arms.

“Oliver, look who she is...” the man holding you said, pointing at me, who was trying to comfort the little girl's crying.

“Oh, shit...” the fat man sighed, eyes wide open, kneeling in the snow. “Lady Beneviento…”

I didn't say anything, I just sighed, cradling my daughter who, for once, clung to me disconsolately.

“Donna,” you whispered, with a triumphant smile.

“Greg, I think you should let the girl go,” the kneeling man said. His friend, unfortunately for him, didn’t seem to pay attention to him.

“Are you stupid? She can't hurt us, she's just a nutcase,” his partner said, with a crazy look, putting a knife to your neck. “Don’t, don't move or the girl dies.”

“Greg, no...” the fat man said, pulling on his partner's clothes.

“Are you a coward or what's wrong with you?” this Greg guy snapped, smiling in a horrible way, holding the sharp blade to your delicate neck. “One, one step back, you doll psychopath…”

Of course, I didn't obey.

“Don't insult her, dude... Don’t do it...” his partner lamented, closing his eyes and bowing his head.

“Get up, now we have the control. She won't do anything if she doesn't want the girl to get hurt,” that stupid man said, making me laugh. “Give us everything you have if you don't want us hurt her. I will do it, I swear...”

“No, you won't,” I whispered, extending my free hand toward them.

“Ah! Snakes!” the fat man shouted, rolling on the ground. “They are everywhere!”

The girl looked at me smiling curiously, just like you, who was no longer trembling.

“What do you say, Giovanna? What do you think can scare that stupid guy so much?” I asked amused, looking into the scared eyes of the man who was still holding you.

“Mmm,” the girl murmured, changing terror for amusement. “Coccodrilli!”

“I like it,” I said with a dark look, walking towards that man who was threatening you. His eyes changed to ones of terror, especially since his partner continued to struggle with his hallucinations.

“No, no, wait, wait,” he said, letting you go and putting his hands up. “It, it was a misunderstanding, I... Ah! It has torn off my arm!” He said horrified, when he finally succumbed to my powers.

You ran to my side, into my arms, with a smile of relief, the three of us watching that pitiful spectacle together.

“They’re everywhere!”

“It ripped off my leg! Help!”

I approached them slowly, putting a hand on your shoulder, holding little Giovanna in my arms.

“The next time you mess with my family I won't be pious,” I threatened, giving as much fear as I could, being that monster I hated so much being, to protect my family.

“That’s right!” the girl said “Fools!”

The rats fled at last, leaving a small moment of tension behind them.

“Gods, Donna, you showed up,” you whispered, removing the black cloth from my face, kissing me quickly and then our daughter. “Gio, are you okay?”

“Mrs. Freckles!” the girl screamed. I lowered her to the ground so she could run towards her doll, now with a broken arm.

“Don't worry, honey, Donna will fix it,” you said, you now being the one holding the girl, as expected. “Come on, let's go home…”

The way back was silent. Your hand in mine expressed gratitude, love, what I didn't think you felt for me. Even Giovanna's distrustful look seemed to change, looking at me embarrassedly over your shoulder, as if she were sad, or sorry for something.

The next day the routine continued, but not before talking at length about that incident. Miraculously, Giovanna didn’t seem to have nightmares that night and, surprisingly, according to you, excited by my bravery, you allowed me to make love to you, for the first time in many months.

That small release seemed to mark the beginning of a new stage, or maybe it was just that the girl was too sleepy to want to annoy me. I didn't know.

Like every day, I worked on my dolls, well, that time, on poor Mrs. Freckles, repairing her arm in silence, with the only sound of the workshop clock keeping me company.

A tug on my dress distracted me. I hadn't heard her, but my daughter had entered the workshop like a silent breeze. I assumed she wanted to check the state of Mrs. Freckles' injury.

“Mamma...” she murmured, with her head bowed. I sighed, smiling, pretending that I had no hard feelings, pretending I didn't care about her attitude toward me.

“What do you want, tesoro? She's almost fixed,” I murmured, looking at the doll again. The girl tugged at my dress again, now catching my attention.

Giovanna didn't say anything. She just moved her hands up, opening and closing her fists with a sad look, asking, surprisingly, to be held in my arms.

I, without hesitation, obeyed her silent request, sitting her on my lap while I fixed her favorite doll.

“Will she recover?” she asked, observing my work. I smiled sincerely, nodding.

“Of course,” I said, amused. “Mrs. Freckles is very brave, don't you think?”

Giovanna nodded profusely, with a hand on her mouth, a hand that I slowly withdrew, so I could see the precious daughter I conceived.

“You are also very brave,” she murmured, as if something was stopping her from saying that. I stopped sewing, looking at my daughter's sincere expression. “You saved us.”

“I only did what I had to do, tesoro, protect my family,” I said with a slightly serious tone, accommodating the girl in a more comfortable position.

“I have a gift for you...” Giovanna whispered, taking one of her little hands to the pocket of her dress and taking out a sheet of paper.

I picked it up slowly, frowning when I saw one of Giovanna's drawings. Mysteriously, I seemed to be the protagonist.

“Look, mamma, it's you, see?” she explained, pointing to my dark figure in the  middle of the drawing, rising triumphantly over two evil bandits. “Look, that's mom and me, smiling because you saved us.”

“Giovanna, it's... Amazing...” I sighed, trying not to get too excited, looking over and over again at the surprising details of that drawing.

“You will always protect us, right?” she asked with a low voice, as if she was also about to cry.

“Of course, tesoro,” I said, wiping away a tear that finally ran down her cheek. “Mom and you are the most important things in my life.”

“And will we always be?” the girl asked, a little more worried.

“Always, my love,” I said, with a smile.

“Won't you let them hurt mom?” she asked again.

 I shook my head.

“Never,” I said, with a more serious tone. Giovanna smiled and, with an unexpected gesture, jumped into my arms, hugging me tightly, with an affection that I could never imagine or deserve.

“I love you so much, mamma...” she whispered with a tender voice, finally making me emotional.

“I love you too, my beautiful girl...”

[metalhoops]

Steddie Week Day 6:

True / Misunderstandings / You Looking At Me Looking At You by Ozzy Osbourne

Steve Harrington had a lot of personal downfalls. He’d come to accept most of them with age but there was one he couldn’t shake. He had a near-pathological urge to be liked. Maybe he wasn’t held enough as a baby. Maybe it was something to do with his parents or too much MTV. To hell if he knew. He just wanted people to like him. 

Steve wasn’t naive. He knew he rubbed some people the wrong way. In his life, he’d done a lot of things he’d regretted, things he could never take back. He’d been a real asshole back in high school, as everyone liked to remind him. 

There'd been a point in his life when he’d thought being popular was the same as being liked, but that time had long since passed. He knew better.  He was an acquired taste, and he’d done things he wouldn’t begrudge people for not forgiving. 

Steve had always known Eddie hated him. He didn’t blame Eddie for it, but he thought he deserved a second chance.

Back when the two had gone to high school together, Eddie had made the dislike obvious. Steve distinctly remembered a lunch where Eddie had paraded his way across the basketball table, kicked Steve’s lunch tray to the side and leaned over to tousle his hair before disappearing out of the cafeteria, retreating to the safety of the band room. Steve was left red-faced and messy-haired, gaping in his wake. 

“What the hell was that about?” Steve spat as he passed his lunch to Tommy, his appetite gone. 

“Who knows what’s going on in that freak's head,” Tommy grumbled as he picked at the remains of Steve’s food. He wished he knew. 

The one year Munson had been in marching band, he’d made a point to throw Steve off every chance he could. Basketball practice and band rehearsals coincided every Monday morning. Steve tried to make a layup in practice and Eddie had squealed his obnoxious trombone, sending him skidding across the wooden floor. He’d spent the year with perpetual bloody elbows and knees. 

He’d thought things would be different when he heard Dustin and the rest of the kids had been taken under Eddie’s wing. Steve had changed since high school. He’d gotten better. So when Steve went to pick the kids up, he’d expected a civil greeting from Eddie. Instead, what he got was a cold shoulder. 

Each time he picked up the kids, he’d get a glimpse of Eddie dashing in the opposite direction of the Beamer, hardly bothering to usher the kids off. Alright, so all wasn’t forgiven. Steve needed to learn how to live with it 

Then there was everything with The Upside Down. Eddie almost died and Steve couldn’t help but shoulder the blame for it. He and Dustin spent every day from dawn to dusk oscillating between Eddie and Max’s rooms until the two returned to the waking world. He thought he and Eddie had started to finally see eye to eye. It’d taken the world going down in flames to get them to talk, but once they started, Steve didn’t want to stop. That was until the guy pulled the rug out from under him.

“It’s okay for you to leave, Harrington. You know? You don’t have to stay with my sorry ass all day,” Eddie spoke, toying with his I.V. making Steve cringe. 

He opened his mouth as though to argue, but thought better of it. Maybe that was Eddie’s polite way of telling Steve he didn’t want him there, that he’d overstayed his welcome. 

He shoved his hands into the depths of his pockets and nodded, trying not to look like a dejected child that’d just been chewed up and spat out by an overworked parent. 

Steve managed to mutter his way through a goodbye and disappeared into the hospital hallway. He didn’t have anywhere else to be. He kept worrying something would go wrong the second he turned his back.

He pulled up a chair in the hallway outside Eddie’s room, just out of view, and sat, head in his hands, wondering why it hurt so damn much knowing that Eddie didn’t want him there. 

Steve must have fallen asleep, because he was jolted awake by a calloused hand on his shoulder. He leapt up, wide-eyed with clenched fists, seconds away from lashing out when his brain caught up with him. Wayne Munson’s hand hung in the space between them.

They’d seen more than enough of each other over the past few weeks. He, Wayne, and Dustin had spent hours sitting shoulder to shoulder in relative silence at Eddie’s bedside. Wayne had never once questioned Steve being there, which had always seemed strange. He knew at a glance he’d fit in more with Jason and the rest of the vigilantes out hunting Eddie, not the band of misfits trying to save him, but the first day Wayne had seen Steve huddled at Eddie’s bedside, he’d nodded a half-hearted greeting as though he’d belonged there. 

“Eddie alright?” Wayne asked, a tension in his voice. Steve peered up at the older man and nodded. 

“Yeah, he’s fine. Shit. Sorry. I should be going,” Steve fumbled, rising to stand only to realise his foot had fallen asleep. He tumbled to the linoleum with a string of curses. 

“Hold your horses, kiddo,” Wayne placated, holding Steve by his elbow and hoisting him up to his feet.

The commotion and the voices in the hall seemed to draw Eddie’s attention. 

“Wayne?” Eddie called, his voice drifting down the hall from the open door.

It gave Steve the perfect opportunity to shake the older man’s hold. He turned to run in the opposite direction.

“See you later, Mr Munson,” Steve called over his shoulder and headed out.

Eddie Munson didn’t have many secrets, not from the people he loved. So when he’d developed a crush on The King of Hawkins’ High, Steve Harrington, he’d needed some kind of outlet. He wasn’t going to tell the rest of the boys in Corroded Coffin, not because they didn’t know he was gay, but because he couldn’t stand how goddamn insufferable they’d be about it. 

Of all the people in Hawkins to fawn over, Eddie had somehow landed on a meathead jock. Hell, the king of the meathead jocks. It strictly went against the Munson doctrine. People like Eddie didn’t fall for people like Steve. Not if they wanted to keep their integrity, but that hadn’t stopped Eddie. He’d fallen hard and fast for his stupid hair and his idiotic, condescending grin. 

He’d needed somewhere to channel his feelings. That was where Wayne came in. He’d known Eddie liked guys from the start, considering all the colourful nom de guerres his father threw his way. He could guess it wasn’t much of a family secret. Wayne had been different though. He hadn’t made him feel lesser for it, if anything he’d welcomed it with open arms. 

“So, there’s this guy,” Eddie stated, apropos of nothing one weekend, from his spot reclined on the couch. 

From his spot at their small kitchen table, Wayne set down the morning paper and levelled Eddie with a knowing look. He grunted, letting Eddie know he should continue. 

“Jesus Christ Wayne... he’s something,” Eddie began throwing his arm over his face to hide the flush of his cheeks. 

“So, you and this boy, is it serious?” Wayne asked sceptically. Eddie snorted. He wished.  

“God no. He barely knows I exist. We don’t exactly run in the same circles. The guy’s a jock and straight as a board. He’s on the freaking basketball team, Wayne. There’s nothing about him that I should like,” Eddie acknowledged.

“Then why do you like him?” Wayne asked, taking a long sip of coffee. 

Eddie wished it were something simple. He wished he could say it was because Steve was attractive. That was part of it, sure, but if it was just looks Eddie wouldn’t feel so twisted up. 

“I just- I think he’s different. I don’t know how to explain it. His friends are honest to god assholes but I’ve seen him abandon girls at parties to drive those asshats home. He shares his food with them, and when he gives those bullshit hoorah chants before each game about spirt, teamwork and shit, the guy actually believes it.” 

“What was that about parties?”

“Did I say parties? I meant intimate gatherings where people definitely weren’t under the influence of anything,” Eddie rephrased, shooting his uncle a shit-eating grin. Wayne sighed, knowing how and when to pick his battles.  

“Have you tried talking to him?” Wayne proposed, sounding exasperated. 

“No. Christ no. I don’t know what the hell to say to him. Every time I’m around him it’s like my wisdom stats drop to zero. He probably thinks I’m a weirdo.” To be fair to Steve, it was a popular consensus amongst the kids at Hawkins High.

Wayne wrapped his knuckles on the table. It was a nervous habit that let Eddie know he was thinking. 

“Whatever you do, just be careful, kid. I know I don’t say it as much as I should but having you around... it means something, right? I don’t want to see you make your life any harder.” It was blunt and not at all comforting, but it was Wayne’s version of a pep talk. 

“Alright, good plan. I’ll push my emotions down, grit my teeth and bare it,” Eddie joked, sitting up to get a better look at Wayne, who rolled his eyes. 

“It’s the Munson way,” he spoke dryly. It was his version of a joke so Eddie laughed. 

Talking to Wayne did help. He spent the next few years of his life talking way too much to Wayne about Steve Harrington. He should’ve known one of these days it was going to turn around and bite him in the ass. 

When Wayne got the call Eddie was in hospital he was hit with a barrage of emotions: relief, panic, and worry. No one ever told Wayne just how goddamn hard it was to be a parent, let alone the parent of a kid who didn’t quite fit in. 

He’d been thrown for a loop when he found two boys at Eddie’s bedside. One looked vaguely familiar. He was one of the younger kids in Eddie’s club, but the other boy was a complete stranger. Wayne was about to throw the kid out on his ass when the fabric of a familiar denim jacket caught his attention. The boy had Eddie’s jacket clasped in his lap. He held it like it was something precious. It made Wayne pause. The young kid looked up, catching Wayne’s attention.

“Mr Munson? I’m Dustin. This is Steve. We were with Eddie during the accident.” The final puzzle piece slid into place. Steve Harrington. He’ll be damned. 

Once he knew Eddie was safe, he’d tried to pry more information from the boys to little avail but they made good company for the long days and nights that followed Eddie’s admission to the hospital. In that time, Wayne started to see the kind of person Steve Harrington was. He decided if his boy was going to be with anyone, Eddie could’ve picked a lot worse. 

Wayne didn’t push Eddie to tell him anything. He’d never been that kind of parent but at some point, he had to intervene to save his own goddamn peace of mind. 

“Who were you talking to?” Eddie asked as Wayne pulled up his familiar seat at Eddie's bedside. 

“Steve. He was waitin’ out in the hallway. Figured something happened between you two.” His nephew looked perplexed. 

“Nothing happened. I told him he could leave hours ago.” Right. Wayne was going to have to sort these two out, wasn’t he? 

“Did you tell him he could go, or did you ask him to leave?” Eddie blinked up at him, as though the thought hadn’t crossed his mind.

“Closer to the second. I didn’t want him to feel like he had to hang around,” He responded after a moment. 

“What if he wanted to stay?” 

“Why would he want to do that?” Wayne loved Eddie, but sometimes the kid was trying. 

“Because that’s the kind of thing people do when they care about you.” 

A look of recognition flashed across Eddie’s face. 

“Jesus Christ, Wayne, we aren’t a couple.” 

“Here I was thinking you’d finally taken some initiative,” Wayne grumbled. 

“I thought you told me to repress my emotions and ignore the shit out of him.” Eddie had a habit of twisting his words. Wayne tried not to begrudge him for it. He was still younger than Wayne ever remembered being. 

“That was before I knew the kid. He wouldn’t have sat on those shitty chairs for six hours every day for anybody. I don’t know what’s going on in his head, but I know you should talk to him.” 

Eddie let out an elongated groan, scrubbed his face, and muttered,

“Maybe you’re right.” 

Steve didn’t know what had brought him back to Eddie’s hospital room the following day, call it intuition or the inability to take a hint. He had the common decency to linger in the doorway.

“Hey,” Steve spoke, as he caught Eddie’s eye. No turning back now. 

Eddie propped himself up in bed and ushered Steve into the room.

“Hey,” He replied, clearing his throat. 

“Wayne told me you stuck around yesterday,” Eddie began. Steve sunk into the chair at Eddie’s bedside. He’d really hoped Wayne would keep that to himself.

“You could’ve stayed if you wanted to, Steve. I wanted you to stay,” Eddie confessed, throwing Steve for a loop. He spoke before he had the chance to think better of it. 

“I thought you kind of hated me. Figured you wanted some peace and quiet.” It was Eddie’s turn to look confused. 

He absentmindedly drummed his fingertips on the railing of the hospital cot, deliberating. 

“What the hell makes you think I don’t like you?”

Steve couldn’t help but snort, looking to the door, planning a quick exit in case Eddie threw him out again.

“Where do I start, dude? You went out of your way to make high school hard for me. Which I get. I know I wasn’t a good person, but you’ve been giving me the cold shoulder ever since. I thought maybe we were getting somewhere but... I guess I was being stupid. It’s kind of my thing.” 

Steve hadn’t meant to sound as self-deprecating as he had, but the words were out there now, hanging heavy in the space between them. It was Eddie’s turn to snort. Steve’s eyes snapped to his hands, suddenly feeling very small. He felt the solid weight of Eddie's palm pressed against his shoulder. 

“You’re not stupid. I don’t hate you, Steve. I really, really don’t hate you. You drive me fucking crazy, which is why I keep avoiding you. I don’t know how to be a normal goddamn person around you.”

“You’re not that normal around anyone,” Steve noted softly, unable to keep the comment to himself. To his surprise, Eddie laughed and squeezed his shoulder.

“I don’t know how to be myself around you.” 

Steve felt lighter, knowing Eddie didn’t hate him, but all the more confused. Eddie liked him, but he’d been trying to avoid him. 

“Why?” Steve pushed. Eddie drew back his hand. 

“Please don’t ask,” Eddie breathed, all of a sudden looking like he could puke. 

Steve remembered having seen the same petrified look once before, on Robin’s face, when the two had been high as hell in a public bathroom. He thought more about Robin, and how she complained about not being able to hang around Vicki. How she rambled. How she couldn’t act like herself. Oh. Okay.

That made sense. 

Steve was hit with a wave of relief, followed by a shock of panic, not because Eddie had a crush on him or that Eddie was a guy. No. Steve suddenly understood why Eddie hating him had gotten under his skin. Why it’d bothered him so much. 

Shit. Steve hadn’t expected to find that out about himself when he’d woken up that morning.   

“Steve? You’ve gotta warn a guy if you’re seeing clocks or something,” Eddie spoke, interrupting his thought process. 

“You have a crush on me,” Steve gaped. He’d never been one for tact. 

He watched all the colour drain from Eddie’s face. There was no way he’d expected Steve to pick up on it. It was Eddie’s turn to shift his eyes to his hands. 

“Sorry,” he breathed, after a moment. That didn’t sit right with Steve at all. 

He leaned forward and tentatively rested his hand on Eddie’s, surprising himself as much as he surprised the other boy.

“Don’t be sorry,” He spoke, squeezing Eddie’s hand. Eddie sat gaping at Steve for a moment.

“You seeing clocks?” Steve asked, shooting Eddie a shy smirk. That’s all it took to get the boy breathing again. 

“Jesus Christ,” Eddie huffed and rested his head on top of their intertwined hands. 

“You don’t hate me,” He whispered. 

“I really, really don’t hate you,” Steve confirmed with a soft smile, resting his head beside Eddie’s, shyly leaning closer, placing a chased kiss on the boy’s cheek. 

[sourbinnie]

and i wouldn't marry me either | minho x gn!reader heavy angst | a pathological people pleaser

"don't you dare take it off, if you do i'm out that door." he said and every word resonate in me. it hit where it hurt and it stung in my heart like never before. argument after argument i tried to give him my all, tried to find a reason why i was staying in a dark hole with no way out. why did i put up with this? love isn't supposed to be all fairytales but it also isn't supposed to be a weight on your chest you can't shake off. 

"then what am i supposed to do? continue with my life while you try to destroy me?" i said having enough with all of this. all the fights that led to absolutely nothing and all the drama we created just to damage us. "minho i'm done, i know you never wanted to be with me and that i'm not the fucking best significant other out there but-."

"stop this isn't about that and you know it!" he said, raising his voice again and losing his temper. he was in the same level of done with all this bullshit as i was but he had a more aggressive way of showing it.

"then what is it about? because i can't do it anymore! i don't wanna fight with you. i don't wanna have to tear myself apart just to go through another day with you because you don't love me anymore!" i yelled and this time i left him shocked as i tried to control my tears and my anger at the same time. "can't you see that you're losing me? that i don't want this anymore?"

"you know that's not true, don't fucking say that." he said bitterly but i could see through his mask. he wanted to cry as much as i wanted to bawl my eyes out right at that moment. "you could never leave me... right jagi? you wouldn't fucking leave right?"

it broke everything inside of me to see the tears finally falling from his eyes after every fight where it was just me crying. it also made me mad as hell that he thought i couldn't just leave him, like i didn't have the nerve to do that because i've always been way more introverted and more closed off, like i couldn't make my own decisions without making sure everyone else agreed with me. well if time taught me something, it is that i do have what it takes to grab my things and leave a scene when it got too difficult and catastrophic. 

"you're making me want to leave more & more every day." i said clearly with no more tears streaming as i was so completely done. i reached my final point as i saw him getting on his knees to beg for me to stay. "don't you dare, i cannot do this right now minho."

"please jagi. i know it's a lot to ask but think about it for a second, we're supposed to get married! i want the rest of my life with you. i'll be better, i'll do better and we'll get past this." he said and at another time i would've believed every single word he was saying but right now it all tasted the same to me. every lie just got bigger and bigger while every word that fell from his mouth just didn't sound real to me. nothing seemed real, all of this that we built was fake and i was getting exhausted of having to go another day with the same false reality we built. 

"no, i can't do this." i simply said and decided to walk in the direction of our shared bedroom. i didn't know if i was gonna leave or stay in this house but every bone in me wanted to head towards the front door. how much did i have to go through for it to get to this point? how longer could i be in a house i never belonged in?

why did the man i fell so hard for made me now want to leave to never see him again?

"is this the end?" he asked as he sat on the bed and i just nodded, not being able to say anything but sitting next to him. as i looked one last time at my ring, i decided it was done for good and i took it off. i couldn't be haunted by happy memories anymore, not when i was living in hell and getting through the heartbreak that it was leaving him. "please keep it."

"i can't keep it minho, you've spent a lot of money on it." i responded and looked him in the eye. the broken man that was sitting there was supposed to be my one and only. it's too bad that time showed us that we could be destroyed so easily time after time. 

"can i kiss you one last time?" he asked as he held the ring tightly in his hand. i didn't know what to answer as i just leaned in and let go for a second. the kiss was so much deeper and passionate that i expected, the last one i thought as i tried to go through every memory in my head. the last one as i imagined us in our wedding and having the best day of our lives. the last one as everything crumbled apart and we separated, wanting more but not letting each other cross that limit.

the last time.

that was the last time i saw minho.

[casanovawrites]

random sentence prompts  ━ from various tv shows, part 14

you’re still speaking in the present tense.

you barely know us.

i’m your best friend? you’ve known me for like four weeks.  

i was seeing someone and i fucked it up. i fucked it up because i’m fucked up.

you’re a fucking creep, i’m a fucking catch.

i’m charming as shit.

all i want is for people to like me, but i just keep hurting people instead.

that’s just what we do. we look out for each other.

my nightmares don’t usually serve breakfast.

you’re pretty much a pain in my ass. and most days, you suck.

delusions make me happy.

we can’t play defense forever.

i think i like you better than anyone i know.

nothing that i’ve been through is possible. i feel like my mind is breaking.

i know it’s dangerous here.

i’m sorry, are you invested in the happiness of someone else?

things change. here, it’s usually bad.

i hesitate to tell you this, because you’re pathologically overconfident, but you’re cute.

you’re a good person with all your bad qualities.

hope is what makes you willing to suffer.

i want to feel that full-blown compliment.

buddy, fuck off, okay?

fuck you, you really hurt my feelings, and i hope an air conditioner falls on you.

my heart’s belonged to you since the moment i met you.

when the fuck are we not at risk?

hot. you’re hot.

i don’t want to be like this. it’s terrifying.

you’re not fucked up. you’re like the most together person i know. 

all i am is a dumb motherfucker who keeps getting people killed.

my mom adores you.

great, you’re yelling at me again.

i think the only way you can be happy is if you’re yourself.

is it just physically impossible for you not to be an asshole for longer than 10 minutes?

i like you a lot better when you’re not yelling at me.

it’s real, and i’m fucking terrified.

i have done things i can’t undo.

i just feel like all i’ve been doing lately is hurting people.

you do not just get to come in here, dump a load of shit like that, and then walk away.

i don’t want to let this place decide when we get to be happy.

i promise i won’t cry on you if you sit next to me.

you are my home, and i would really like to be yours.

you look how i feel.

i don’t give a shit about your word.

i know their type. everything’s a personal attack, a goddamn battle.

you know it’s okay to tell people to fuck off every once in a while, including your friends.

she looked good. i mean, hateful. but good.

it’s poor form to blame the dead.

i’m bothered by people who don’t know how good they have it.

you’re trapped with me. in a fun way.

this place is haunted. everywhere i look, i see somewhere you lied to me.

i don’t feel better off. i just feel left.

i made my choices. so did you.

broken people don’t survive here.

i am exiting our one-sided relationship.

one failed marriage, who hasn’t been there?

i just need to know you’ve got your shit together.

i don’t need a pep talk. i just need to know that you’re back.

mostly everybody here’s depressed.

rule number one: never trust the love interest.

now i know how to take care of my problems.

i can’t uproot my life just to make you happy.

i was never rooting for you to be unhappy. i just wanted you to have more.

stop saying that everything’s going to be okay.

you are not some hopeless screw up.

no one listens to me. no one.

i’m not a problem for you. i’ve never been a problem for you.

there are no mistakes. just choices. and you chose what was right for you.

if someone came up to you right now and said, ‘do this one bad thing and everyone gets to go home,’ would you do it?

i don’t want to know the answer.

when we’re together, i feel a lot. and mostly, it’s good.

we don’t have time to be delicate.

actually, you might be the best thing in my life.

i don’t know what to do, and that really freaks me out.

i’m not gonna stand here and pretend it was a good day.

there are always gonna be monsters in the world. it doesn’t matter where you are. but i promised myself i would never let them scare the life out of me.

i don’t give a shit what you are.

i’m doing this for you. i’m doing it for all of us.

if this shit goes sideways, you have to be ready to step up.

i need you to do me a favor. cut yourself some slack.

you trust me to decide the rest of your life?

you have a sense of direction. 

when did life become this big monster we have to just constantly feed?

we don’t have to live like the sky is always falling.

i’m not afraid of the dark.

you think i’m a monster?

what’s happening to us?

what part of this is okay?

that was death, and it’s coming… right now.

[jenosbliss]

Hihi!!

How are you doing today?

I wanted to request for the 100 followers celebration if that's still open?

So if it's possible, can you do a FWB chenle with 11,13 and 15

Angst with a possible happy ending?

Thank you sm!!

Hope you have an amazing day! 🫶🏻

pairing. fem!reader x fwb!chenle | genre. suggestive, angst | wc. 1.2k | warnings. mdni, reader is toxic and manipulative

Chenle wasn't a liar. He believed in white lies and the omission of words rather than outright lying. He despised liars and couldn't stand pathological liars or manipulators, but call it fate or irony that the biggest manipulator and liar he ever met was you, his everything.

He lied when Jeno asked if something was wrong. He betrayed himself when he replied, "No, I'm good." The way he gripped that red plastic cup so tight that his knuckles turned white, his lips quivering with anger, face slightly red not due to the alcohol but because of the rage he felt, eyes darkened staring at you, jaw tightened gave him out.

Jeno knew he wasn't good but didn't press on the topic further as he figured out the reason for his discomfort... you. It was the way you were being a little too cozy with Sungchan in the corner of the room, Sungchan's lips leaving kisses along your neck, and how you smiled and laughed at his worst pick-up lines, relishing in his touch.

The whole universe knew about Chenle's crush on you. Anyone would, with the way he looked at you longingly, and not to mention the times he had already confessed his feelings for you, only to be rejected twice. But did that stop him from loving you? No.

Sungchan was just a phase, just like Jisung or Eunseok. You were with a different man every month, but the only constant man was Chenle, by your side as long as you could remember. This made him never give up his feelings for you, hoping that maybe one day you could see him the way he sees you.

Your relationships with all these guys didn't last long, not because of Chenle's presence hindering your love life but because you got bored of them. Sticking to one person wasn't enough; you needed a new partner once the honeymoon phase was over.

But the only person you never got bored of was Chenle. You would seek comfort and solace in him after every breakup or sometimes to satisfy your burning desires when your current boyfriend couldn't. And sometimes it was him who would reach out, when his jealousy got the best of him, like today.

"Lele, what are you doing?" you whispered, trying to get out of his arms around your waist. "What do you think?" he murmured, his lips leaving a trail of wet kisses on your neck, just over where Sungchan's lips had been, as if erasing his scent and replacing it with his own.

He had pulled you into this secluded hallway when you excused yourself to use the restroom. The moment he saw you getting out of Sungchan's arms, he took the opportunity to get you in his, reminding you whose touch was capable of making you feel ecstatic.

"Anyone can walk in on us here," you protested. His grip on your waist tightened as he slowly moved your hair aside and kissed the back of your neck, mumbling, "So? It'll get exciting." You felt his smirk against your skin. "We could get caught!" The sternness in your voice made him pull you flush against his chest as he whispered above your ear, "Then they'll know who's better."

Everyone knew about Chenle's feelings for you, but no one was aware of this friends-with-benefits relationship. People spoke of it with skepticism, while sitting on the cafeteria table, along the lines of "Rumor has it Chenle and Y/N are fooling around. Isn't she dating Sungchan? Nah, she's with Eunseok. Dude she's with a new man every week."

"What if Sungchan sees us?" he sucked in a sharp breath before muttering, "I don't care. He doesn't matter." You sighed, knowing this conversation wasn't ending the way you wanted. "He's my boyfriend, Lele. He might break up with me." His left arm remained around your waist while his right hand moved along your sides, sliding up slowly under your dress.

"None of that matters now." He nibbled on your ear, letting out a chuckle. "Not everything is a joke, Chenle." Having enough of your fake protests, he pushed you inside the room down the hallway, pinning you against the wall."Don't act like you're not turned on by my touch or don't get off secretly to my thoughts of how good I fuck you."

His fingers gently pressed into your cheeks as he grabbed your chin to meet your gaze. Without hesitation, he leaned in to kiss you deeply and passionately.

He pressed his body against yours, his hands running over your curves as he bit your bottom lip slightly, seeking entrance. You let out a small gasp when you felt his fingers sliding up your dress and tugging at the waistband of your underwear. He deepened the kiss the moment you gasped, his tongue exploring the softness of your mouth, his desire for you growing with each passing second.

"If Sungchan catches us, it'll be over between us," you managed to speak when he broke the kiss only to trail his lips along your jawline to your neck, sucking and nibbling there. "I'm here for you. Come to me like you always do," he mumbled against your skin, slowly removing the strap of your dress, exposing your shoulder. "You promised me, Chenle, what we do will not harm my relationship with others," you moaned when he bit down on your neck, then licked over it as if to soothe the pain. "Don't worry, he won't notice."

It felt like you were losing control over him, as if he decided to take authority over you, and this was something you couldn't let happen. Placing your hands on his cheeks, you made him look at you. "Why are you doing this? Did I do something wrong?" you asked gently, kissing him softly on the corner of his lips.

As if on cue, his demeanor changed and his grip on you loosened a bit. He held your hands, which were on his cheeks, and rested his forehead on yours, saying, "No, you didn't do anything wrong. It's just..." He pulled back to look at you with yearning and passion as he continued, "All I want is for you to look at me the way you look at them."

Your fingers gently weaved through his hair as you pulled him in for a hug. He was quick to hug you back, nuzzling his face in the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent, arms encircling your waist. "They can never have what you do, baby. They'll never have me screaming their name while they pleasure me. Only you have seen me that vulnerable. Never compare yourself with them."

A voice in Chenle's mind warned him about your lies, but he was so much in love with you that he ignored everything that told him to resist your manipulations. "I'll text Sungchan that I was feeling unwell, so I left with you, okay? While you take me here on this very bed... all yours, Chenle," you whispered before kissing him again.

By letting him have you there and giving in to his desires, you once again made sure Chenle was nothing but a pawn you could use anytime you wished. You ensured Chenle wouldn't try to assert his dominance over you again and ruin your current relationship with Sungchan, and that his ego wasn't hurt. You made sure Chenle would never leave you and would always be there for you.

masterlist. nct dream | nct 127 | wayv

100 follower event 🌷

a/n. I’m really sorry for not giving it a happy ending 😭

navigation.

[gnabnahc317cb97]

Office Space

Bang Chan × Female reader

Word count: 1.8K

Synopsis: You live in a world where one touch of your soulmate will ignite a pathological urge to consummate your bond. What happens when you bump into the cute guy from the office and it appears as though you've found your match?

Warnings: 18+ ONLY MDNI! Cursing/strong language, semi public sex in a locked office no one knows), unprotected sex (please use condoms), cream pie. I think that's it not anything too crazy but if I missed something please let me know and I'll add it asap!

The same thing happened to everyone. Once you turned twenty-one, if you came into physical contact with your soulmate your body had an overwhelming primal desire to claim each other physically. Fuck. It was a big talking point when you start going through sex ed in junior high. You heard the same thing you always did with anything else that had to do with sexual education. ‘It’s perfectly normal’ or ‘It happens to everyone’.  

No matter how true that was, it didn’t make the topic any less uncomfortable to talk about for some people, you being one of those people. You avoided anything that had to do with soulmates but when you turned twenty-one you went to a psychic with some friends and the lady who read your fortune said that your soulmate’s name would be Chris and his last name had something to do with a gun or fireworks, an explosion maybe, she wasn’t sure and you weren’t buying any of it.  

By the time you were twenty-five a few of your friends had already found their soulmates. You didn’t have time for that nonsense. Your career was your soulmate. You were the lead of your department’s team and it was no easy feat getting to that position.  There were eight other teams all the leads for those departments were men.

Most but not all of them you had met in passing regularly. There was one that you had never even been introduced to but you heard people calling him Chan. You couldn’t lie to yourself, he was gorgeous. Strong nose, kind eyes, pouty lips, shoulders for days, and well, he definitely had a good tailor because his ass... You had to stop thinking like that, you didn’t know the man. You didn’t know his last name, you had never even heard his voice.  

Well, that was about to change really soon. Today when you got to work the head of your branch was pulling all team leads in for a meeting so you and the eight other men, including Chan, had to meet in meeting room three immediately after lunch. Around one thirty all nine of you promptly met your boss.

There were eight other people there and you were trying not to be distracted by one person in general. It was difficult, you didn’t know why. You were able to keep up with the meeting but about halfway into your boss's third bullet point you were getting warm and took off your sweater. The dress you wore was sleeveless, you were hoping you could cool off. You were trying not to look at him but your eyes found him anyway as you shrugged your cardigan off. When you did you found his eyes already on you, something in them.  

“Chan?” Your boss had called him twice now and he snapped out of it and realized you noticed him staring, he quickly looked away. You could see his ears turning red. 

“Yes sir?” Your boss asked Chan to present what his team had been working on this quarter, asked a few questions about Chan’s team, and where he’d like to see things go in the next quarter. Chan had an answer for everything and it came out as smooth as butter with his thick Australian accent, which you had not been expecting.

When Chan was done the boss called on you to do the same thing. You stood and started walking forward as Chan was headed back to his seat. The walkway was narrow, you went to step around each other but stepped in the same direction, you both kind of nervously laughed and then stepped in the same direction again. 

“Sorry,” His slender fingers gently gripped your shoulder and he stepped behind you. His cologne was intoxicating and it was like one touch set your whole body on fire. When he passed you and headed to his seat you looked behind you for a second but he was already pulling out his chair. You tried to ignore the feeling in the pit of your stomach and focused on your presentation.

One by one all of the guys had to go up and do the same thing. It drug on forever if felt like. The throbbing between your legs was unbearable, you didn’t think you could press your thighs together any harder. Chan just seemed to be intently listening to whichever one of the guys was presenting, seemingly unbothered. Finally your boss dismissed you all you were thanking the stars you could finally get out of there and away from Chan before you made a fool of yourself. Just before you could make your haste, exit Chan called your name. 

“Oh excuse me, y/n? Would you mind coming to my office and running over a couple things about your team that I think I’d like to implement with mine?” You almost choked. 

“Y-your office?” He nodded; he was acting perfectly normal. You’d thought, well... you’d thought maybe he was your soulmate with the way you were feeling but apparently, you're just a horny perv that thinks about fucking their co-workers. 

“If you’re busy...” You didn’t want to seem impolite or like you weren’t a team player, he was really giving you a huge compliment by asking for such a thing. You just needed to get a hold of yourself. 

“No! Uhehm, no I’m not busy... I’d be happy to go over whatever you’d like.” That sounded like more than it should have you felt like but he still seemed totally nonchalant. He bowed and then led the way, you following the trail of whatever cologne he was wearing. Chan opened the door and let you in first.

You walked into his office nervous, hoping you could keep control of yourself because you had never felt so out of control in your life. As soon as you were in his office Chan came in too, then shut and locked the door. You turned to him and he walked up on you quickly. Your heart started racing, his hands gently cradled your face, his now a breath away from yours. 

“God please tell me you feel this too.” You were so relieved, you pulled him into a kiss as your answer. You had to taste his lips, they looked so juicy, a little red from worrying at them. You pulled away for a breath and backed towards his desk pulling him by his tie gently. He had a wicked smile on his face and followed. You sat on the desk legs spread, skirt riding up a bit and Chan nestled himself between your thighs, gripping your hips before kissing you again. You wrapped your arms around his wide shoulders and scooched forward. 

“I’ve had the biggest crush on you since I started here.” He admitted suddenly, lips hovering over yours. You couldn’t help how big your smile got. 

“Really?” He nodded biting at his lips and then kissing you again, his tongue sliding into your mouth, tasting you until oxygen was needed. 

“I’ve always noticed you too, it’s always kind of scared me.” You panted out. One of Chan’s hands was on your waist the other tracing your jaw.  

“You don’t have to be scared baby girl.” You felt warm all over hearing him say that. 

“I know.” You lifted your skirt more then hooked your fingers into the side of your panties and pulled them over, exposing your dripping sex to him. He looked down and his mouth watered but then he forced himself to look back up at you. 

“Are you sure?” You nodded and pulled at him desperately. 

“Mhmm.” You needed him. Chan started to unbuckle his pants, pulling them down and just as he was about to pull down his briefs, exposing the large outline in them, he realized something. 

“Oh... uh... I don’t have a condom.” You looked at him sweetly, a little shy, you always were when it came to this stuff. 

“Well... it’s just... together forever, right? I mean, that’s what this means... doesn’t it?” Chan cupped your face and nodded his eyes sparkling. 

“Together forever.” He kissed you softly. 

“I’m on the pill, so... it’s okay.” He shook his head, then dropped his underwear and you got a full view of what had been straining against the stretchy fabric of his briefs. You gnawed at your lips and he didn’t waste time. Chan wrapped your legs around him and lined up with your wet hole. When he sank into you it finally made sense.  

“Yes... fuck... f-feels so good baby girl. Please wanna hear you say my name, tell me how you want it beautiful.” 

“Chan yes fuck... harder, fuck me harder...” Chan fucked you harder, panting and moaning just as much as you. You loved how he wasn’t scared to make a little bit of noise for you. Not enough for anyone outside the office to hear but enough to make you drip for him. Chan shook his head no. 

“C-call me Chris...” 

“What?” You stopped him and looked into his eyes, your soulmate’s eyes. 

“C-Chris, my real first name is Chris...” I’ll be goddamned, you thought to yourself. 

“What’s your last name?” He smirked at you with a funny look on his face, laughing a little. 

“Seems like an unusual time to ask. Wanna know what yours is gonna be in the future?” You flushed and smiled. 

“It’s Bang.” He kissed you. The fucking psychic was right. 

“Why does everyone call you Chan?” He pushed a stray hair away and you couldn’t help but lean into his warmth. 

“It’s my middle name and there is a lot of Chris’ on our team. So I go by Chan in the office, but everywhere else, I’m Chris and I’d very much prefer to be Chris when I’m inside you. He rolled his hips and your eyes rolled back.  

“Mmmm Chris...” He started fucking you harder egged on by you using his actual first name. 

“huhuhu Chrisss...” Harder harder harder he kept pounding into you. He loved it he wanted more. 

“C-C-Chr-risss... g-gonna... gonna cum.” A light sweat was starting to break out on Chan’s forehead as he pushed you harder towards your climax. Your arms wrapped around him hand fulls of his beautiful curls. 

“God fuck I’m gonna cum too... fuck! Cum with me baby girl... cum with me.” He snapped his hips into yours again, brushing your g spot and you went nose diving into your orgasm clutching onto his muscular frame tightly, gasping for air. As soon as your cunt started clenching around Chan he started coming too, pushing deep inside as he filled you.

You both held each other, your legs wrapped around him, foreheads pressed together, trying to catch your breath. Once both your heartbeats returned to normal Chan helped you off his desk and pulled your skirt down for you. You adjusted his tie and he leaned in kissing you again. 

“Uh do you maybe wanna grab some dinner tonight?” You smiled and tried to help tame his curls a bit after mussing them when you came. 

“I’d love to Chris.” 

Please do not repost or translate any of my works. My blog and stories are NSFW and 18+ ONLY! Minors, ageless, and blank blogs will be blocked!